alexthepleb

[alexthepleb]

Forget about torturing your blorbos, putting them through the ringer. I'm putting my blorbo in perfectly ordinary, pleasant situations. Their tortured personality will cause them anguish anyway, making an absolutely mundane scene into the most dramatic, agony filled affair as though the world is ending and it's all their fault

[alexthepleb]

What kind of animals are Francine and Muffy supposed to be? Dogs? Hamsters? Apes? Some bizarre combination of these three? (don't even get me started on whatever the fuck binky is supposed to be, it was a question that would keep me awake at night when I was young)

Man Anon, i feel sorry you had to go through your life not knowing.

Francine and Muffy: Monkeys

Arthur: Aardvark (duh!)

Binky: Bulldog

Fern: Dog (idk what breed)

Prunella: Poodle

George: Moose

Buster: Rabbit

Sue Ellen and Jenna: Cats although Jenna has a human like nose for some reason

Mr. Ratburn: Rat

Brain: Bear

the Molinas: also Cats

Now, what’s the difference between bears and aardvarks? I don’t know. I just don’t know. I think bears have narrower ears.

[alexthepleb]

I think genre fiction that attempts any kind of necromantic aesop about the futility of trying to bring back the dead is in a bind. When you tell a story about someone who comes back wrong, or a scientist/magician who crosses ethical lines trying to bring back or clone the dead, there’s, you know, an obvious utility in depicting that failure, because it’s a souped-up metaphor for the kind of stuff that happens in real life when people lose themselves in obsessive grief. But the other side of that is that you’re the god of this universe you’re depicting and you’re the reason whatever clever scheme they came up with isn’t working. They’re failing by authorial fiat. Or the only way to do it is unethical by authorial fiat. So I’m basically always rooting for team Necromancy in these situations, sorry. It would be kickass if we could do that in real life and it escapes me why we fund any other project at MIT. Big whoop, you pinched out a slightly more advanced version of big dog. Now let me see my grandmother

[alexthepleb]

“It’s anecdotal, but I regularly see Frankenstein’s monster described as a warning against scientific hubris, an alarm about Tampering With Things That Should Be Left Alone™. This I think is quite wrong: I think it is a story about what happens when one fails the (still at the time of writing) radical enlightenment by failing to take social responsibility for one’s actions and interventions. If it’s a warning, it’s a warning about turning one’s back, out of cowardice, on what one creates, not about creating it in the first place.”

— China Mieville, interview with the Weird Fiction Review (via brotticelli)

[alexthepleb]

Trump said he would issue an executive order during his first day back at the White House in January 2025 instructing the federal government to deny citizenship to children with parents who are not American citizens or legal permanent residents.

Under a decades-long interpretation of the Constitution, children born on U.S. soil are automatically bestowed American citizenship, even if their parents are not themselves citizens or legally present in the country. Some immigration hardliners have long criticized the policy, saying it encourages parents to come to the U.S. illegally. --CBS News

[alexthepleb]

To anyone considering taking their own life after seeing the election results,

Don’t.

Trump is old.

You need to outlive him.

Just know that you are loved and wanted and appreciated and you deserve to live.

[alexthepleb]

i hate viruses so fucking much. literally getting attacked by a fucking shape. a concept. consumes no energy. responds to no stimuli. its only existence is to fuck with you. like fuck offf

[alexthepleb]

[alexthepleb]

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER REWATCH -> When She Was Bad (2.01)

[alexthepleb]

Was curious how far Ithaca was from troy today while listening to epic the musical and rereading the illiad and I found this map

I think odysseus would have been better just to walk😭

[alexthepleb]

[alexthepleb]

-At the winter solstice -

Zeus:…….

Poseidon: Not. One. Word.

Zeus: I just - how do you get your ass beat by a mortal, with your own weapon and your own storm.

Poseidon: I don’t know??!?!? It’s like he wasn’t a mortal at the time! Like some other force was helping him!

Zeus: Oh Whatever. Are you saying he had some kinda divine intervention from one of us to beat you?

Poseidon: That’s the only explanation!!

Zeus: You can’t honestly….

Hades: Oh yeah, that was me. I gave him a little boost to help him beat you.

Zeus:…..

Poseidon: … Hades, what the fuck.

Hades: Next time, don’t drown 500 mortals on me and Persephone’s date night.

[alexthepleb]

The Edinburgh Hebrew Congregation Orthodox Synagogue houses six stained windows by the distinguished Scottish stained glass artist William Wilson, RSA. These richly coloured works combine Jewish religious symbols with abstract and floral motifs with one depicting the act of Creation.

Photos by me

[alexthepleb]

Mollayaghoub Synagogue/ Isfahan/ Iran

Photography: Saeed amini

[alexthepleb]

I would like you to consider: Synagogue Architecture (spanning many places and many eras of history)

Look at them!! Stunning! Amazing! Beautiful!!!!! And these are the ones left standing, I can’t imagine what the many many others that were lost could have looked like.

[alexthepleb]

A CONVERSATION WITH DOCTOR MAIMONIDES

The golden retriever was talking to me. His mouth was moving in such a strange way. It was far more smooth and natural than it had any right to me. A dog, who claimed to be my doctor, was talking to me!

I did the only thing I could think to do.

"Um, it's a pleasure to meet you," I said.

The dog, Doctor Maimonides, gave me that sweet dog smile and said. "I'm sure you have a lot of questions. This process is always different for every person. As it should be!"

I could help what I said next. I said, "Doctor... you're a dog!"

Doctor Maimonides barked a bark that could almost have been a laugh. He replied, "That I am. Surely though, are you so shocked that in the future, the beings of Earth have come a long way? It didn't hurt that your species, once it rejected war against one another, began a campaign to uplift other beings."

I said, "Is that why you can talk?"

He replied, "Not exactly. Being uplifted allows my species to think and process information at a human level. Buy I volunteered to have a very complex surgery done to allow me to speak like this to humans. I've always been fascinated by you rational bipeds, and I knew I wanted to be a human doctor since I was just a little pup!"

This was way too much for me. I decided not to ask my Doctor any more questions on this line of thought. Instead, I remembered to question burning within me.

I said, "Sarah! Is my Sarah here? My dear wife died from a horrible aneurism a year before me. Is she alive."

The doctor tapped my leg with his paw in a comforting gesture. He said, "Yes, Sarah is alive again. You two will be reunited. But we need to talk a bit more first. I have to make sure you're psychologically stable. Additionally, I think you have some more burning questions."

Part of me was quite convinced the only thing I wanted to know was Sarah's location. Still, I had apparently been resurrected from the dead, and now I was chatting with a doctor who happened to be a golden retriever. How could I not have questions?

I looked again at the strange wall decorated with geometric symbols. I breathed in the floral fragrance. I could still hear the naturalistic humming of the bizarre living computer.

"Ok...Nurse Harper told me you could explain the science of resurrection to me better than he could."

The doctor sat thoughtfully for a moment before saying, "Nurse Harler may overestimate my abilities, but I'll try my best. First of all, forgive me, but I don't know history well, but have the people of your era come to understand that the workings of the brain create your individual consciousness and personality?"

I shrug and say, "That's what some folks believe."

The retriever nodded and said, "Good. So, I don't have to explain all that. Well, these semi-devine beings you call "computers" are able to calculate the exact position of every sub-atomic particle in all of history within this solar system. There's also a Dyson Sphere involved. Anyway, we simply mapped out your brain at the exact moment of your death and boom! Resurrection!"

I thought for a moment before asking, "But...it it really me? Or...am I just a copy?"

The doctor said, "If you sleep deeply without consciousness, are you a new person when you awake? If a person awakes from a coma, are they not the same person who went in? My dear Alex, you are your memories, personality, hopes, dreams, and loves. The specific matter making you up isn't who you really are. What emerged beyond the substrate of matter is you. Do you understand?"

I didn't, and he could tell.

The Docto said, "Well, its no matter. Anyway, let's begin your tests..."

A few hours later, I was dressed in ordinary American clothes. Doctor Maimonides, who I resisted petting with all my might, brought me to the hospital cafe.

When I saw eho was waiting for me, my heart stopped. Time slowed down to nothing. Suddenly, there was only one other person in the whole universe. There, sitting at a table, was my Sarah.

She could see me too. Dear reader, the way we jumped into each other's arms was like nothing any romance novel could ever describe. I will only say that joy and tears ruled that moment as I embraced my wife in this world of resurrection.

[alexthepleb]

My First Day in the 100,001st Century!

My name is Alex Green, and I’ve had the strangest day today. I really have no way to describe it. It was nuts. Bonkers beyond belief. And yet, I think it’s really happening.

I’ll begin at the beginning. I had gotten in a big fight with my boss at the local Coffee Shop. Voices were raised. He fired me. Sucked.

I left, fuming, and headed out to my car. I remember getting into the car. I remember driving down the highway. But, at some point, I must have blacked out. Cliche? Perhaps. But true, nevertheless.

I woke up on a very comfortable bed. I was in a very peculiar room. There was a table in front of me laden with Diet Coke and a bowl of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups . One of my favorite, rather paradoxical, treats. 

I looked at a table next to me. I had been in a hospital before, so I knew that is was some kind of medical instrument. Something was monitoring my vitals. Yet the machine looked nothing like I had ever seen before. It was more streamlined, more delicate, and yet seemed far more intricately complex than any piece of medical equipment I had ever seen before. I really had no idea what the heck was going on!

I heard a knock on the door. A kindly male voice said, “Mr. Green, I’m Nurse Harper. May I come in?”

So, I was right. I was in some strange sort of hospital. I said, “Sure.” It felt weird to talk. My voice was so…strained. I suddenly felt very thirsty and very hungry. The nurse entered. 

He was a tall man who seemed to be in his mid-twenties. His nurse’s uniform was nothing like I had ever seen before. It was a one piece, similar to a tunic from Ancient Greece, but it was vibrant green. His hair was the same color, and his bare arms carried the slimmest tablet I have ever seen.

Nurse Harper smiled and said, “Well, it looks like you have made a full recovery!” His voice was sweet and almost had a Georgian twang. He continued, “You seem to be adjusting really well to the process. Thirsty?” He handed me the Diet Coke. I gave it a hesitant look and said, “Nurse…shouldn’t I start with water first?” He smiled and said, “Oh, silly, only the water will enter your system. The CO2 and the toxic elements will be filtered out through your skin. Silly boy!”

I was a bit put off by his demeanor. And by what he had said. Still, I was really thirsty. I shrugged and took the soda. The cold, crisp beverage rushed down my throat. Instantly, I felt better and stronger. I drank it all down in one go. The Nurse then handed me the bowl of Reese’s Cups, and I devoured three of them within a minute.

The Nurse smiled. “Feel better?” he asked. I nod, shivering with pleasure and I open another chocolate.

Nurse Harper laughed before saying, “My Goodness, you must have been famished!” I nodded. Still, part of me wondered why I was so hungry. Now that my head was clearing, the absolute strangeness of everything was starting to settle in.

I had no idea where I was. I was eating food given to me by a stranger in the most bizarre hospital (if it was a hospital) I had ever been to. The look must have been showing on my face, because Nurse Harper said, “I can see you are starting to think. I bet you’re wondering, “What the living heck is going on?” aren’t you?”

I nodded.

He took a deep breath. Then, he said, “I was just as confused when it happened to me. It took me…a long time to adjust. Um…if you are ready, I have some important stuff to tell you. I have to warn you…it won’t be easy to hear.”

I shivered. I could feel something really bizarre was going on. I was almost ready to hear anything though. So…I told him I was ready.

I was wrong. I was definitely not ready for what he was about to say.

Nurse Harper took a deep breath and said, “Well, to start off, Alex Green, you died.”

What? There was no way he was telling the truth. I said, “No…I think you’re messing with me.” 

He shrugged. “I wish I was messing with you, Alex. But if you are here, you died. I don’t know all the details of what happened. The doctor will go into all that with you. But…they like it when I break the hard news first. I’m sorry, Alex.”

I was shaking even harder. I wanted to scream that he was wrong. I wanted to hit him. But, at my core, I knew was telling the truth. There was no sign of dishonesty in his eyes. Maybe he was crazy, but I doubted it. Somehow…I was dead.

“So…is this the afterlife?” I asked.

He smiled. “I suppose, from a certain point of view, it could be. But, there’s nothing supernatural going on here. Wondrous, perhaps. Miraculous even. But it’s all science and the like. And…that’s where I need to bring you the other big piece of news. Are you ready?”

I held myself. I didn’t speak for several second. Nurse Harper gave me an understanding smile. He said, “Would you like a blanket?” I nodded.

He gave me a blanket, and I wrapped myself up. Damn, he really was good at his job. I took a few deep breaths.

“Alright, I’m ready,” I said.

Nurse Harper wrote a note down on his feather-light tablet. Then he said, “Ok. So…here’s where things get really weird. Alex…you are not talking to me in the 21st century anymore. While we use a completely different calendar system than what you’re used to, we are talking to one another exactly ten million years after the day you died.”

This news almost broke me. But then, I stared once again at the strange monitor studying my vitals. It was nothing like I had ever seen known, and it seemed to buzz with an almost living intelligence. I though about how Diet Coke had made me feel hydrated. I thought about Nurse Harper’s strange outfit and all the impossible things he had said.

I looked at him and said, “I believe you.”

He smiled and said, “You’re adjusting quicker than a lot of people. That’s a good sign!”

I sat in silence for a few moments, I ate another peanut-butter cup. 

At last, Nurse Harper broke the silence, saying, “I know you must have a million questions. But the basic thing you need to know is that death is no longer what it used to be. People who died, at any time, and at any point in history, are being brought back. I don’t really understand how it all works, I’m not sure any person does. But the computers of this age have more power than any I could have imagined growing up in 20th century Atlanta. You have been brought back, Alex. You have a second chance at life. A life to be lived in a world beyond your wildest imaginations. I want you to understand how awesome this is!”

I nodded, taking in everything he had said. A strange possibility entered my mind. Something utterly incredible. Something even more impossible and wonderful than living again.

I looked him in the eye. I didn’t even know how to voice my question. Nurse Harper must have had great intuition though, because he said, “You want to know if you have loved ones here, don’t you?” 

“Yes!” I said.

He smiled and said, “Almost certainly. But, it’s not my place to talk to you about all that. I think it’s time you meet the doctor. She will give you a more thorough examination, and she will know how best to parse out information.”

I smiled. Nurse Harper got up and headed towards the door. Before heading out, he said, “The doctor will be in here in a few minutes. You relax. Have another Diet Coke.” 

I told him I would as the door closed behind him. I was alone. I sipped my drink in silence. I dared not hope what I hoped for so much. The thought of hoping and than being wrong made me feel so terrified. But I knew that Sarah might be here. Sarah might be alive again. How could I suppress hope knowing that this was a possibility? How could I not dance and cry and leap for joy knowing I might be reunited with Sarah, the love of my life?

Suddenly, I heard a knock on the door. Before I had time to answer, it swung open. All other thoughts were replaced by pure confusion. There, standing at my door, wearing a green jumper, was a large golden retriever. 

Then, to my eternal shock, the dog opened it’s mouth and perfect English came out. 

“Hello, Alex,” the golden retriever said, “My name is Doctor Maimonides.” 

TO BE CONTINUED!