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shanaraki · 3 years ago

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OCTOBER 2TH, 2021.

DAY ONE.

—— I've decided I'm starting a journal. ——

I have never been that good in keeping track or stuff. I get bored, I abandon what I start so easily. It is hard for me to push myself into doing something I don't have the motivation for.

However, I've decided I'm starting a journal. This journal. I feel better writing it online than in paper. When I'm forced into writing it in slow motion with my own hands, I get desperate sooner or later. My mind rushes and the words speed up while my hand is still struggling with the first lines.

I do have a lot to say. About so many things. There are things I'll never write or speak about. The belong in the silence between God and me, the empty spaces where the human mind can't go, that secret and non existence place.

I'm better now.

This imply that I was bad, of course. It's a cycle. I know the bad things won't stop coming, but I like to think that's no reason to stop working on myself. More than a circle this is... A spiral. I'm trying to make this spiral going up. It's hard. Humans can so easily die. It's so simple, so effortless to give up on myself and let the pull of the Earth take me underground. And yet...

I'm better. Not physically. I haven't been sleeping enough or drinking enough water or eating like I should. It's not my body that it's better, it's my mind. I don't disassociate as much these days. I feel present. I feel like I'm my body and not just in my body. I have more energy. I want to do things like clean my hair often and take care of my skin. I want to do exercise, to eat healthier. I feel calm, in my mind, in my thoughts. I need to keep meditating and doing my breathing exercises. They do help a lot.

There are many things I need to work in. My physical health is one of them, but also I need to practice using my phone less. I need to find other things to calm me. I have my paintings, I could practice with them. Or maybe drawing. And of course, there is my thesis.

I've been avoiding my college duties. Again.

I fear the stress or the semester. There's something that's very frustrating to me, and it is feeling like I'm failing at some task while everyone is already many tasks in front of me. Like,,,, hmm,,,, it's like trying on your shoelaces while you're on a marathon. You need to stop and tie them, but if you do you're gonna lose time and they're going to get even farther away, and you're so stressed over it that you're losing concentration, and the shoelaces, and the competitors, and your stress, and— there it goes. It gets worst and worst until you kinda resignate and think "I just need to finish this marathon, just it. I don't want to compete anymore".

There's also the fear of what I'm going to do after I graduate. Work is the obvious answer, right? I should. I want to work. But there's this idea,,,,, listen, sometimes I don't understand people. I'm smart, but not when it comes to normal things or daily skills. The other day I put a candy on the microwave for a minute and I almost burned the microwave.

I don't know how to do any house choirs. Why? Well, because my family tells me I should do them, but the minute I try and do them, they appear and tell me to go away because I'm doing everything wrong.

How am I supposed to learn if I can't practice? But there's still some sort of trauma reaction in me. I fear doing something that can't be fixed while practicing. That's the reason why I fear driving, because I'm terrified of damaging the car (mostly because I don't want to cost extra money to anyone, and I don't have money to buy and less alone fix a car).

So I should work. To gain some money. But let's not talk more about that because I got nervous just by thinking of it.

Aaand I lost track of what I was saying. I'm sleepy. I was supposed to write how today I was better. I downloaded some cool apps, I want to learn how to play the kalimba, I felt pretty today, comfortable, safe. I shouldn't be writing my problems on an online diary but oh well.

This is exactly how my mind works. Now it is bored of writing this and wants to close the tab. I wants to change the song. Meditate. I get bored of things so fast this days. I'm not able to end a whole task if I don't pressure myself for HOURS. I'm better but there's still a long way to go.

I wish I could go to a psychiatrist and finally see if I have anxiety or adhd or if im just overreacting. When I told my psychologist I thought I had anxiety, she told me she would not give me any labels to use, only treat me. I suppose that is good, but a part of my does wish I could know the labels. I don't like when I don't know what is happening. I don't like when I don't have control over the stuff that surrounds me. I don't like being vulnerable or deadly curious.

I haven't been praying that much later, either. I miss my regular contact with God. It makes me feel very lonely and afraid, and very guilty and ashamed. I know many people hate Christians and for a good reason, because many have hurt the whole world with those ideals. And I know for many the way I feel would be silly. I just........ I can't stop believing in him, feeling this way. I want to help others, not by hurting them, but by just standing in silence in the distant with my silly words and silly presence, so if they ever feel lost, they can always find me and sit, talk with me. I love them all. I love humanity so much. It makes me sad. I see the killers and the politians, I see the worst human beings and I think, "I wish you some clarity, I wish you some joy, I wish you to be so full of good things that there's no more evil feelings, just the ability to feel guilty and change, to become a better person".

I'm tired of seeing people dying. Suffering. My grandpa E (the biological father of my mom) is dying. His lungs are collapsing, slowly but surely. We lost my grandma some two or three years ago. I don't think of her as much as before, but I feel it, her absence. I miss her voice and her hugs. I miss the people we were when she was alive. I miss my grandpa H (the step-father of my mom) happiness, I miss the time where my mom's face was not so gloomy and sad.

I'm tired of hatred and anger. I see it everywhere and many who feel it are just sad and hurt. Like wounded animals, they lash out when they are in pain. And I wish I could cure them. Yes, I guess I have a Saint complex or whatever. I feel bad for speaking about how I wish I could save the world, love every human enough for them to feel better. I feel bad for not being capable of doing more.

And the worst part is that I feel like I'm capable of doing more, but I don't do it because I'm afraid. If I wasn't so shy or anxious, if I wasn't so selfish, I could be out there traveling and saving lives. I look at my ceiling in the dark and think if I'm gonna die paralyzed by fear. Or if I'm going to die fearing dying that way, and asking to much of my body and soul and mind, enough to destroy myself.

I don't want to sound self-centered, damn. I am anxious again. You see, I'm better, but it is hard. It feels like my limbs need to move because it is a physical discomfort. It feels like I need to do something, to shake that feeling.

This is a lot for a first day entry. No one is going to read this, just me. And if there's someone reading it, then... Know you're walking over my heart. Every word is war, every emotion written in the moment. I'm laying in a couch with red led lights in a white room. There are some dark brown furnitures, the room is tiny. There's a giant TV on the floor, there are plants on shelf next to the ceiling. The plants are tiny and fake. There's a big window, closed with curtains. There's another high tiny window, and a mini desk that goes into the wall in a sort of hollowed square that there's in the room. There are two posters on glass frames, they are big, they are by the wall.

It's almost 2AM. I hear some cars passing by. It's neither cold nor hot. There's a constant sound, like the one electric devices make. It's kind loud. I don't know if it's the nature or the electric devices. I'm on an apartment. The town I'm in is in the mountains, but a few minutes from a big city.

I'm calmer now. It's feel a little lonely in this room because I'm on my own. My family is on the apartment, but there's no sound to be heard of them. At least the acoustic in this neighborhood let's you hear even when the person some building away is coughing. Yeah, crazy.

I think I'm going to be now. I'm tired. I want to be more online, write on my other blogs, do some rp, work on my thesis, clean my room, read books, watch TV shows... But even when I'm better, I need to be careful to don't pressure myself to much. Too many stimulus and I'm gonna be avoiding everyone again, until I feel less overestimulated.

No more worries. The day is over. I need to sleep.

Goodnight, mysterious person. And if no one ever reads this, goodnight to the absence of and the empty and the memories.

#Shan's personal diary

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graffitibible · 5 years ago

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Do you have any advice for writing or creating regularly? That’s hard for me and I’d like to get better at it.

it boils down to what works best for you personally tbh. i’ve got a system to write semi-regularly (or i did......restricted movement hours have kinda forced me to restructure that lol) and it works for me but that’s just how my brainyot works. i’m a routine-based creature so working writing into my routine was how i got myself to write semi-regularly.

ive also had significant Brain Junk for most of my life and was gradually able to navigate how best to create in spite of that but im also like, medicated for it and the like so self-care was a factor. i couldnt create shit while i was too busy lying in a pool of my own filth having fits of paranoia about the nature of reality so i was hardly about to make myself try and create stuff when that wasnt even on my radar.

i can share some of the things i do to keep myself writing though! like again this isn’t something that’s for sure gonna work for everybody cause everybodys wired differently but i hope some of it helps!

1. daily wordcount - i’ve mentioned this before but i have a daily wordcount that i do for my original fiction. i don’t apply the same standard to fic-writing because that risks making it an arbitrary barrier that puts too many numbers on my internal list. that being said, it’s very small. i make myself do 200 words per day. if that gets me going and writing more than that, awesome. if not, i still got a little bit done. 200 words is small, and it’s not overwhelming to catch up on if i miss a day. no matter how shitty im feeling i try to get in 200 words.

2. routine - since i’m a routine-based person by nature i basically found ways to finagle creative processes into all that. it’s not hard and fast because that kind of rigid structure makes me balk and i’m not that disciplined lol, but it’s usually something like “i have an hour-long lunch break at work and literally nothing else to do during it so i’ll write in that time period” or “i have thirty minutes of sitting by the stove making dinner so i’ll write until it’s ready”

3. momentum - or what my housemate fondly calls “The Juice.” if i have The Juice of inspiration i keep that going for as long as i can. if something’s not working for me i don’t scrap it or toss it right away. if i’m having trouble with a scene i make a note to myself and move on to a different one. example of this from my latest wip, which is part iv of mayhem

i hadnt worked out what was gonna go there and nothing was coming to me easy in the moment so i stuck the note there and kept going. my works are full of this shit. if i can’t think of a name or if there’s a statistic or a character i haven’t worked out yet i don’t wanna break my focus and momentum so i slap a note in the first draft and keep going. at a first draft stage the important thing is getting the words Out so it doesnt matter if theyre perfect. ill go back and fix them later, revise all i need to. first drafts dont need to be good, they just need to be there so i can spruce them up later.

on the flip side do not be like me and commit to this momentum so bad that you forget that you are a human being who needs to eat and consume liquids. i do that sometimes because of who i am as a person and it is a serious flaw of mine, do not be like this. sometimes getting some food in you is what you need to get The Juice flowing again and that sounds kinda gross and i am sorry

4. planning and hangups - this ones dependent on how you create. i forget where this analogy came from, but i’ve heard it said that some writers are architects who need a blueprint of where they’re going before they end up there and some writers are gardeners, who don’t need a set plan so much as they need to keep going. i’m definitely an architect - a lot of my works start out as bulletpoints of what scenes i wanna cover, what topics i wanna explore, etc. - though i have on occasion simply Written without any set destination, usually to force myself out of a creative slump. me being a big planner used to be one of the biggest barriers for me creatively because i’d spend hours agonizing over minute universe details and never start the dang story. this still happens from time to time. like heres what my organizational folder looks like wrt “pray for disaster”

that is not even all the files in there. why do i have two dictionaries. jesus. like i make these giant ass fuckin....tomes of stuff i like to keep track of, which i like to call “bibles” lol. except i could tell that getting too organized was gonna be an uphill battle with very little payoff so by the end i just made a “MISCELLANEOUS BULLSHIT” doc and for now i throw everything in there if it doesn’t fit into something like a dictionary or timeline

shit like this is why i like to just sit down and write without a clear destination in mind if i’m having writer’s block. that’s one of those things that goes hand in hand with the way i take advantage of my own momentum - if i reach a certain point where i’m just picking at details and not doing any writing i just go “ok motherfucker sit down and write shit. we will work out the details later.”

5. motivation - the ways i tend to motivate myself are weird so idk how true this is for anybody else but i’ve been writing for a pretty large part of my life. i went to college for english/creative writing and got a whole dang degree cause i still wanna make this my vocation somehow. one thing i cannot ever turn off is the writer part of my brain that’s going “oooh huh that’s not how i would’ve written that” in literally every piece of art i consume - tv, movies, books, songs, etc. sometimes that’s enough to inspire me into doing something on my own time. most of the time though if i’m feeling stumped i tend to crack open some of my personal favorite works, like books or fics that have really resonated with me, to fall in love with the art all over again. seeing the way different authors and artists do their craft helps me get in the zone of wanting to write more cause i get this nice feeling of “damn, these people really did those things with those words.....that’s fuckin amazing.....i wanna do that.”

you do risk falling into the trap of “ugh i can’t write like them though” but that’s the beauty of writing. nobody can write the way anybody else does. ofc i can’t write like terry pratchett, only terry pratchett can write like terry pratchett, and if i compare myself to terry pratchett i’m only gonna get sad and mopey. but i can write in a way thats totally unique to me so i should not try to write like terry pratchett because that’s just impeding my own creative energy in the interest of trying to cookie-cut myself into someone else’s zone. only terry pratchett can write like terry pratchett but only i can write like zero graffitibible.

i hope that was helpful? like this is all stuff that works for me so no guarantee it’ll work for everyone else.

oh right and idk how many of yall are minors because let it be known that i do not condone underage drinking; i am an adult who occasionally will get crunk because i like to write drunk and edit sober. if you too are an adult who can legally consume alcohol feel free to write while buzzed because that is a nice way to write with zero fuckin inhibitions. i dont get blackout drunk or nothing just a little buzzed and sometimes what i write makes no sense but i am at times at my most productive at 2am while mildly buzzed. its a thing.

like again i’m not really an authority on this by any means - this is just what works for me. but if it works for you too, great!! find your zone and all that

#anon #ask #z speaks #alcohol mention cw in case anybodys got that blacklisted #theres nothing as liberating as writing after having consumed 1.5 beers and feeling like a gOD #i say 1.5 but realistically its more like 1 #i am a tiny person who cannot hold their liquor #and beer really is just mulled fartweed but thats all right #creating is pain and pain is living and sometimes that entails drinking mulled fartweed cause itll loosen you up enough to really Write #i dont lean on this too much btw #its just like if i happen to get buzzed ill usually go 'you know what i should totally do. write.'#it is at times incomprehensible

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trenchcoatkitten · 5 years ago

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So I’ve been reading Temperature of the Heart, and you’ve mentioned how you have the whole thing written already. Can you describe what that’s like? What’s your writing process? How long does it take for you to write everything start to finish? Do you plan it all out or just kind of wing it? How long do you sit in an idea before you start?? Sorry about all the questions, I’m just so curious >_

bro!!! are you sure i will scream about writing for days omg

first of all THANK YOU its so freaking cool that you came to ask your questions and that you like my writing, im still sort of getting used to my writing not just being garbage that i read in the dark at 2am and never share with anybody, and i am always excited to answer questions waaaah

(THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG I APOLOGIZE IM PUTTING A READING BREAK IN CAUSE I WENT OFF BRO, IM THE WOOOOORST)

my process is pretty weird, it’s kind of all over the place? I’m kind of a halfway planner halfway pantser. I have an idea and usually make some disjointed notes about character and the main idea, in my phone or maybe on a google doc, and then a pinterest board maybe? Something to get excited about, a visualization. I ALWAYS tell myself im going to make an outline first and then i ALWAYS just jump right into writing because I’m too excited/impatient to wait. give me words on a page. give me dialogue.

Usually when I’m a little bit into the project, when i know that I’m not going to abandon it to the depths off where my WIPs go to die (rip like literally over 300 individual and unique works, this is NOT an exaggeration, you should see my document bank its gross) Ill say “ok fuck you sami its time to actually know where you’re going” and I’ll sit down and make the grossest outline you have EVER seen. like im talking, my outlines are littered with memes, me yelling at myself, actual stuff thats going to end up in the final project, and just general random garbage? its so gross. Ive literally only showed one of my outlines to one person ever (hi akira!) bc im super self conscious of them and hate the way that i write them. making an outline usually sucks up an entire day of writing. they’re pages and pages because some parts will be INCREDIBLY specific and other parts will be so vague you dont even know

From there, when im done with my garbage outline, (after going back through what I’ve written and fixing the shit that was just me going off like a psycho) I usually start writing in earnest. I’ll highlight the parts of the outline that I’ve done and I’ll go back and check it often to make sure im following through on my plans and the character arcs and such, making sure that everything ties in and such. This section is me like. every day getting home from work or whatever and sitting down at the computer and not moving until 2am, this is the section where i forget to eat and I dont sleep enough and i forget to drink water or take my vitamins and I do word sprints with myself and have days where I write 10 thousand words in one sitting. (very not healthy and also terrible i do NOT recommend) this is the section where I’ll handwrite anything i can in the back of classes and at rehearsals because im pouring out words.

during this section I go back and edit ENDLESSLY. i cannot write something and just let it be. I go back to the section I wrote the night before, I go back to the section I just wrote, i go back to the very beginning. I generally dont have to do 1st 2nd 3rd draft this way, but it is much more time consuming as Im just writing. i dont know if i reccommend this its a MESS

THeN once i finish writing the whole thing, i sit down and reread/edit the whole thing once through. this makes sure i have good flow, the paragraphs go together well, the prose feels right to me, timelines make sense. during this time i make ENDLESS paper notes with calendars, section notes, additions, drabbles, thoughts about my own shit. i have notebooks full of just garbage. im not kidding. full notebooks.

Once I finish that read/edit through I’m usually happy. only once something is completely finished will I consider posting. I go back too much, I add shit, I can’t let go of shit, not until it’s done. While I’m posting - I go through the chapter I’m going to post with a fine tooth comb, try to catch any tiny little mistake, add words here and there, but never change anything large if I can help it. Then i format it on Ao3 (this is literal hell, fuck the HTML editor it wants me to die) and then post it. Deciding to post a chapter to actually hitting ‘post’ usually takes me 1-4 hours, depending on the length, the difficulty of formatting, and how many goddamn links i wanna put in the chapter notes cause im the worst~ (insert jean ralphio voice)

~~~

LISTEN im probably super extra but I’ve been writing since I was in sixth grade (thats twelve years! time is an enigma and i hate it!) and so I have a bit of practice, i have a bit of experience and while I’m not the best me that I can be, I KNOW myself, and this is just what works best for me.

As for timing - it depends on the length of the project and how motivated I am. It took me about a month to write Royal (~50k), just a little over a month to write All Might’s All Night Shop Stop (~75k), and just about two months to write Temperature of the Heart (~115k). I try to post every few days, because as a person I hate waiting and I don’t want to do that to my readers!

~~~

As for the ‘how long do i sit on an idea before writing it’ it really depends. Some things I will receive inspiration or a sliver of an idea and start writing it in the next ten minutes, even if I have to stop working on something I’m already working on, because that was Brain Has Decided. Sometimes I will consider an idea for like. months before actually doing it. I’ve had the idea for FBoW (the newest thing im working on oops? have i told anybody about this NO cause that will make it REAL) since before I started Royal, which was like. Last november. But I just couldnt quite do it for some reason, and it wasn’t pressing. My brain is super broken, and a lot of times I get sick over ideas. I can’t sleep or eat until I’ve written, and I will repeat phrases to myself until i can get them out of my head by writing them down. (Sometimes this is something nice or poetic - “The golden hour lights up the whole world, wiggling its fingers into every nook and cranny, lighting up two people lounging on a bench-swing, someone leaned onto porch stairs with a mug of tea, the space between those walking down a dirt road, a couple of dogs laid out on the deck.” and other times its literally “Ranch Fiddlesticks.” I’m not kidding. i have a note in my phone that says ranch fiddlesticks because I was actually going to Die if i didnt write it down.)

I do wish my brain didn’t do this - but I guess it makes some fun art, doesn’t it?

WOW OKAY THIS WAS SO LONG im so sorry jesus christ. SOrry i will ALWAYS go off about my process and what it’s like to write. Writing is so so important to me, I LOVE it with every tiny atom of my weak, alcohol-infused, overworked heart. Despite how scary it is sometimes I am very glad to be sharing my work with the world, seeing peoples’ reactions and hearing things about my words, hearing how this little picture in my mind has gone into yours.

okay jfc im done now im so sorry. thank you again and again and again, a thousand times over, for reading my work and enjoying the worlds that i enjoy building. It makes me feel like I’m worth it. It makes me feel like I’m doing something good.

ily :’)

#my writing #dont open this unless you're ready #its like 1.5k words long #I WENT OFF #i have so many feelings ok #i have so so so many feelings #thank you so much for sending me an ask #i love you nonny #sami answers

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i-madjnoun · 7 years ago

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FEARS OF A FOURTEEN YEAR OLD ME

Fourteen year old me, who has never heard of the word feminism, decides to create a Tumblr account. Fourteen year old me encounters with a poem called "Fears" and it stucks with herself that the fourteen year old me becomes so obssesed with it, that now an eighteen year old me still knows it by memory.

(And I´m quoting, I shit you not)

"I´M 14 YEARS OLD AND IM WEARING A SKIRT THAT IS TOO SMALL FOR ME

WHEN I KISS MY PARENTS GOODBYE

A FAMILY FRIEND LOOKS AT ME THEN AT MY PARENTS IN DISBELIEF

ARE YOU LETTING HER OUT LIKE THAT?

I ALMOST SNAP AT HIM BUT WHEN I MEET HIS GAZE I DONT SEE JUGDMENT BUT FEAR.

14 year old me gets amazed by the first eight lines of the poem that remembers all the times, her mother and father wouldn´t let her wear shorts or skirts whenever family and friends came around. Telling her about how even if the men were part of the family, they were still men and you need to cross your legs when you sit down, that´s not very lady like of you.

I´M FIFTEEN AND MY FRIEND AND I DON´T WALK DOWN BIG STREETS AT NIGHT

WHEN MEN YELL AT US IT MAKES OUR SKIN CRAWL.

14 year old me, remembers a family trip, 14 year old me was a twelve year old me back then, walking in the street with 16 year old sister, when men started to catcall a twelve year old me and 16 year old sister told me "don´t turn around, men are so disgusting" so a 12 year old me became aware of how this was going to happen a lot of times through all her life.

I´M SIXTEEN WHEN A GIRL IN MY CLASS BUYS A KEYCHAIN THAT DOUBLES AS A KNIFE

I TELL MY MOTHER AND SHE TEACHES ME HOW TO WIELD MY HOUSE KEYS LIKE A WEAPON.

14 year old me understands a lot of years later why her mother wanted her to take karate class, so 14 year old me could defend herself if someone wanted to take advantage to any age me, understands that that was the principal motive of her mother, to defend her from rape.

I´M SEVENTEEN AND IT´S ALMOST 2AM

I WANT TO WALK HOME BUT MY FRIENDS BLOCK THE DOOR

THEY´RE SCARED IF THEY LET ME GO ITLL BE FOR THE LAST TIME.

14 year old me does not get this yet, but still knows at such a young age, that it isn´t safe for anybody to walk home alone late at night, not in her country, but knows by heart that it is more dangerous for women, but 14 year old me does not quite understand why.

NOW I GET IT

I SEE WHY MY MOTHER CAN´T SLEEP WHEN I´M OUT

I UNDERSTAND WHY MY MALE FRIENDS SLIDE THEIR ARMS AROUND ME WHEN IT GETS DARK

WHY MY GRANDMOTHER EYES MY HEMLINE LIKE IT´S POISONOUS

I GET IT

14 year old me realizes and asks herself why, every women at such a young age are taught to fear, to see so many women raped, to see that if women raise their voice they are bossy and keep quiet, you´re a lady. Do not curse. 14 year old me starts to realize all the sexism she lives with, and how sometimes 14 year old me is also sexist.

MY PARENTS DO EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO KEEP ME SAFE

BUT THEY CAN´T CHANGE THE FACT

THAT MY BODY IS A WAR ZONE

THEY CAN´T CHANGE THE FACT THAT THERE´S TOO MUCH HUNGER IN THIS WORLD FOR SAFETY

THEY CAN´T CLOSE THEIR EARS WHEN THE MAN ON THE NEWS SAYS THAT 'ONE IN FIVE WOMEN ARE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED BEFORE GRADUATING COLLEGE'

14 year old me almosts finishes the poem, but 14 year old me has tears on her eyes. She has lived upon and within sexism all of her life, but 14 year old me has opened her eyes, starts to realize what is right and what is wrong. 14 year old me knows what sexism is now.

IM EIGHTING YEARS OLD AND IM AT A PARTY

AND AS I WALK AWAY FROM A DRUNKEN BOY

HE FIXES HIS EYES ON ME AND ASKS

'WHAT ARE YOU SO SCARED OF?'."

14 year old me kind of laughs at the end of the poem, at the cinism the writer had with the last line. 14 year old me is in love with this poem. 14 year old me has woke up. 14 year old me starts to search for more content like this and encounters with this thing that will hold her in the future, that will understand her, that will stand with her even when things get rough, that will fight with and for her in the future when 14 year old me is now an 18 year old me. Fourteen year old me discovers what Feminism is, and she couldn´t be more grateful for that.

#feminismstories #intersectional feminism #feminist #feminism #fears #tumblr #poem #poetru #poetry #feminismessay #story telling #radicalfeminism #teenager

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maryseesthings · 7 years ago

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Across the Universe

A/N: Sooo, I’ve read so many imagines and fan fics here, and I wanted to try and write my own. I really hope you liked it, and if you have any suggestions or comments they are very welcome. Btw, I also wanted to say sorry if there is any typo or if the sentences/words are hard to understand. I don’t fully speak English (im like 70% fluent in English) but I tried my best.

You were so nervous, that you thought you were going to faint. You approach the stage to see better, and see your parents, sisters and brothers in the front row, even your best friend David, and you were surprised by the fact that he could come, you wanted him to come but didn’t know how likely it was since he was very busy with his performances with the Royal Ballet, but, of all the familiar faces that were there, you didn’t see one of the ones you most wanted: the face of your boyfriend for 4 years, Tom Holland. You couldn’t help feeling sad, your relationship was not at its best. Both of you had been very busy with their respective careers. And it was not something that bothered you, on the contrary, you understood it, and you liked it. You liked that Tom knew that if you didn’t answer a call or a message immediately was because you were probably busy with your research, after all, being a woman and studying chemical engineering isn’t easy, you had to make a double effort than your fellow men to demonstrate to your teachers that you were equal - or more - intelligent than them. And all that effort was worth, was giving its results. After all those sleepless nights, working on your graduation thesis, you finally succeeded. And, not only did you finish it, but something happened that you never imagined. The National Science Foundation is about to award you a recognition thanks to your discovery in the area of Environmental Research & Education. All these months of study resulted in the discovery of an enzyme in the seeds of Tamarind Tree that serve to produce biodegradable plastic, and its cost of production is a half of the costs of production of the plastic that is used at the moment worldwide. As a child you always dreamed of changing the world, and now you were doing it, however your significant other was not there to see you live an unforgettable moment, something that surely you will tell your children and grandchildren about, although, now you weren’t sure if those children and grandchildren were going to be yours and Tom’s. Before your thoughts went to places where you didn’t wanted to go, you listened to the master of ceremonies, the event was about to begin. Not only you were going to be awarded, there were also other young engineers who were to be awarded -but not other women, just you- , and in the event there were very important people, vice presidents, governors, ministers, councilors, and other figures of great weight. This could open you hundreds of opportunities. The event ended, it lasted a little - or, rather, a lot more - than you thought would last, but you couldn’t complain either. Your speech was cheered by all the people in the room, yes, all, there wasn’t a single one who didn’t applaud you standing. That filled you with pride, and you couldn’t keep the tears of happiness from falling down your cheeks. You stayed at least an hour after the event ended talking to different people, there were even a couple of job offers and invitations to international events, they wanted you to talk about the research process, what motivated you to study engineering and especially to make a thesis on a subject of which practically nothing was known. After that you went to have dinner with your family, nothing like celebrating with people who love and support you … well, with almost all of them. When you got to your apartment it was late, isn’t like there was something wrong, you didn’t have to work the next day, and after all those months of unveiling, you deserved a little rest. You looked at your phone, it didn’t stop ringing, it all seemed to be Twitter notifications, you unlocked your phone and went to open the app, it took a couple of minutes to scroll over the tweets to see the source of all that spam … and what you saw wasn’t nice. Photos of Tom with a blonde girl, they were too close and seemed too friendly, you didn’t knew who she was, you had never seen her, “is it possible?”, you thought, “no, Tom would never do that to me”, “that must be old photos that until now got leaked ”. You entered Snapchat and saw that Tom had uploaded some stories, he was partying. Tom missed one of the most important moments of your life, for partying, and besides, he was with a girl. Tears began to roll down your cheeks again, but these weren’t full of happiness and pride like the ones of hours before, these were full of anger and sadness. Four years of having a relationship and ten years of knowing each other, and everything was gone. He had thrown all that away. It’s been a week since that bittersweet day, and it’s definitely a day you will not forget. Tom has tried to communicate with you in every possible way, he have called you at all times, sent you messages, even to your best friend and your family, well, the boy could be insistent. You were not going to lie, that week you had a few moments of weakness, in which you almost call him and tell him how much you loved him and that you were willing to forgive him, but those moments were very short. Thanks to Princess Leia you had to travel to Singapore in a few days so you spent most of your time planning everything.

David POV

Back to London, although I have to admit that Y/N almost had to get me kicked out of the house and get on the plane, all because I didn’t want to leave her alone, I knew how bad she is, I knew how bad had left her what that project-of-man done to her, but still Y/N knew how important this month’s presentation was for my career and didn’t want me to miss it. Typical of Y/N, putting the good of others before hers. I was walking quietly when I see the outline of someone who I didn’t want to bump into me, the famous Tom Holland, no more, no less. It took all my strength not to grind it to blows, besides that would probably also bring me problems and a millionaire demand, and no, he isn’t worth it. I kept walking when I heard his irritating voice. “Hey, mate” did he just call me mate? I’M NOT HIS MATE, at this point I could feel the heat go through my veins, I kept walking as if I had not heard him, but he grabbed my arm and made me turn to look at him. “Hey, David, I know you don’t want to see me, in fact I think I’m the last person you want to see right now, since Y/N doesn’t want to see me either, and I don’t blame her …” I could see the guilt in his eyes, in addition to the bags of dark circles under them, for the love of Castiel, this boy was a mess, for a second I felt sorry for him, until the memories of Y/N crying at 2am watching their old photos and wondering why came to my mind and again I was overwhelmed with anger. “Y/N doesn’t answer my calls, nor my messages. I have tried to communicate with his parents, even his brothers and all seem to avoid me” “Yes, well, it turns out that you stopped being in our Christmas list” I said in a sarcastic tone as I rolled my eyes, this could not be happening to me, I turned my foot to start leaving but Tom stopped me again, this guy doesn’t know when to give up. “How is Y/N?” “Very good actually, but no thanks to you, besides with the whole Singapore thing she has been very busy and almost had no time to think about what you did to her” I lied, I was not going to let this fool know how bad is Y/N, first dead, “well, I do not plan to continue wasting my time with you, it was a disgust to see you and I will pray that we will not meet again” and then I just turn around and keep walking.

Tom POV

What? It is true what David just say to me? Y/N is going to go to Singapore, God, no, I can’t let her go without fixing things, at least she has to listen to me, I will not stand the idea that the person I love most hates me for the rest of her life, just not, I have to do something, I will do something to show you Y /N much I love her.

To be continued…

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #spider-man: homecoming #across the universe #marvel #fanfic #fan fic writing #fan fiction

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unbreakable-red-riot · 7 years ago

Note

Yo, Last month I sent an ask about getting motivation to write. I think you said one of the main things you did was plan it out or smth. I was wondering if I could get an example? Also, Im having difficulty actually writing Bakugou. His character is REAL difficult for me to nail down. His mannerisms and attitude and speech, really. Any advice on how to write him? (from someone else's perspective, to be more specific) Im going to be forcing myself to write all day because Ive still been slacking.

So my answer is pretty long ehehehe

The reason I think planning a story is so important is because, for me, having confidence in where I want the fic to go is what gives me motivation to write! As an example of my process, I’ll explain how I wrote a chapter for 2am – Chapter 4.

So first, I did a bare-bones outline of what scenes needed to happen, and in a general timeline.

1.) Early morning. Kiri wakes up before Baku, moves back to futon, goes back to sleep.

2.) Midday. They both wake up, get ready for the day.

3.) Midday. They go to cafeteria to eat with Kiri’s friends, return to dorm.

4.) That night. They fall asleep that night separately, but Kiri tries to help Baku with nightmares again.

5.) The next morning. Baku asks Kiri to stay with him instead of moving.

Then, I came up with a list of thoughts, emotions, and conversations that needed to happen. Then I try putting them in a good order. It kinda looked something like this:

1.) Kiri must have motivation to move from the bed to the futon. So maybe, when he wakes up, he freaks out over him accidentally cuddling Baku.

2.) Kiri needs to show signs of liking Baku a little bit. Maybe, by watching him wake up and being awestruck?

3.) Kiri needs to wonder if Baku would have been okay with the cuddling had he known about it –> this spurs him to ask Baku why he was okay with the sleepover to gauge his response.

4.) Baku reveals that he knew about the cuddling, and was okay with it –> making Kiri freak out.

5.) Baku acts civil with Kiri’s friends, to show reader a hint of growth.

6.) Baku asks why people act on-edge around him –> Kiri: “you’re intimidating. isn’t that what you want?” Baku: “…I don’t know.”

7.) While Baku is having a nightmare, Kiri thinks the cuddling will be okay because Baku revealed that he knew it happened and didn’t seem too bothered by it.

8.) Kiri wakes up, tries to leave. Baku: “Stay.”

Then, I kinda… connected the two lists, matched conversations with scenes, and the finished product was my actual outline!

Like, there are some conversations in this list that must happen in a certain scene: Kiri has to move from the bed to the futon right when he wakes up, and that can’t happen at any other time. But there are other conversations that are flexible. For example, when Baku reveals that he knew about the cuddling, I could have made that happen anywhere in the chapter. But, instead of adding a new scene to my first list that revolved around this conversation, I just added the conversation in a scene that was already planned – Baku and Kiri getting ready for the day.

I also did this with the scene where Baku asks Kiri why other people act on-edge around him. This conversation is not fixed to a location, I could have placed that conversation at any point after Baku interacts with the other classmates. But, instead of making a completely new scene around this conversation, I decided to pair this conversation with a scene that I would already need to write – them walking back to the dorm room.

And, if I started writing one of these flexible conversations in a scene and if it felt out of place, or if it messed up the pacing, then I would hold it and write it in another chapter, or scrap it completely. In this way, thinking through things like this can help with flow, pacing, and order of information. Also, by planning out lists like this, it makes it easy to know exactly where the chapter or fic will go, while still giving a little wiggle-room to change your mind later!

As for how to write Bakugou… I guess this is a general suggestion of how to write any character, but it’s a technique that I used a lot in 2am.

For most dialogue scenes between 2 or 3 characters, when you’re in the editing process, see what happens if you ignore the narration that you’ve written. If you erase the narration and the context around a dialogue, and if you can no longer tell who is saying what, then you need to re-work the lines! This can work for actions and thoughts. If you erase all of the names in a scene and just look at how the nameless characters act and how they think, can you still tell who is who? If not, then you should rework the scene until it is obvious!

To help you rework dialogue or scenes, you can ask yourself, “How would every other character in this scene say a line like this? How would every other character in this scene act in this situation? What would every other character think about this?” Once you answer those questions, then you need to ask “What makes this character different from all of the others?” This will help you work through what changes are necessary.

I really focused on this technique in a scene in 2am at the end of chapter 11, when Baku asks Kaminari for advice, because this is the first time the readers see Baku alone with someone who isn’t Kiri, and I wanted that difference to be very clear in the way Bakugou acted and spoke. I also focused on this technique in most conversations between Kaminari and Kirishima, since they are pretty similar characters but I still needed to set them apart from each other. A lot of scenes in Chapters 7 and 8 were like this.

Anyways, I hope these tips help! Good luck, and happy writing!!!

#personal #anon #ask #2am #Anonymous

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zzpopzz · 7 years ago

Photo

Really long rant about how I made Vanilla Twilight, I typed it at 2am so it’s kinda crappy and boring, just skip through this post.

So I'd been thinking about it for a long time now, even before finishing Vanilla Twilight that I'd talk about it if someone asked, well that never happened so I was just thinking that I'd let it go but that post is so important to me so well fuck it I'll just talk about it anyway. I did it completely on a wimp like how cool would it be if I make a lyricstuck for Toumaki like I'd be the first (if anyone did this before me im sorry). The first song I intended to do wasn't VT, it was a much shorter and easier song. I saw the music video first time after a while and the lyrics gave me some scenes to draw right away, like the tones, the atmosphere, the lyrics all fit them very well, made me wanted to draw something happy but sad. The ending for it was a happy one instead of a sad one like other songs I did (I didn't post the ending for any of them, just let the viewers decide what it's gonna be) I was very scared like what if it won't turn out ok and people gonna hate me for it or no one even gonna look at it. Also what I visualized are mostly illustrations with backgrounds, what I never done before so high chance it won't go anywhere. I thought well let's just see how far will I get and won't talk about it at all until I post it so at least I won't be all barks no bite. I was very traumatized that someone might know about what I did so I locked all the files when I shut down my PC in case someone hack into it lmao. I started with making a storyboard(kinda) for it, this is where I first got trouble because there was some part I didn't think of when I visualized what I'd draw at first ( 'I don't feel so alone' part mostly and some in between) and it's only at this point that I realized how many I'd have to draw (over 40 images total) and it's mind blowing for someone who rarely finish a painting like me at that time, that number is more than what I'd draw in a year. VT doesn't have choruses that meant I can't do tricks like repeat some panels (I don't like this anyway). I usually painted on small canvas before that but I wanna make sure I can fix things later and some idea I had was pretty big so I used 3000x5000px canvas then trimmed them down ( I didn't know how big it was and it's huge). The idea was to make a tumblr scroll-post like a lyricstuck (my favorites are by paperseverywhere and toastyhat/emptyfeet , they made really cool tutorials about these) so I tried to drew out compositions that would look good scrolling down panel by panel and have some connections between them (this didn't turn out so good in the end because I wasn't good lol) Since I was scared that people might point out that I draw something wrong, it took me almost a week or something searching for references (check my pinterest board) like the streets, sky, houses, roads, outfits, poses,... I was going to draw. I got some knowledge about bikes by this too, like I can tell the differences between road bike, mtb, touring bikes,... I also see and captured bunches of screenshots and reread ywpd trivia countless time to make sure I won't get anything wrong. If you take notice, every outfit Toumaki wear in there are all canon, from anime or promos. The first few panels was really exciting because I had never painted so many with backgrounds before, I was really happy when I almost finished the first verse even compared to the full 3:50 of the song it was only 20 seconds and I thought maybe I can pull this after all. The last panel was intended to be Makichan standing infront of his house looking at the sky but I wanted to show the sky at the end of the panel and that wouldn't work on scroll-down post so I had to leave it for later, I repainted this panel for about 3 times and finished it just 30' before posting. The first panel of the second verse wasn't turning out alright too because that was my first time doing a 3 points perspective drawing and the colors didn't turn out as I wanted either (my intention was a green/gold dawn scene). Things kinda worked well despite that until the scene when Toudou sits in his ink, gdi I didn't know why I was so caught up in that and painted every piece of that wooden floor, it took me almost a week but turned out better than I expected so I was ok with it. I was going to make sketchy paintings for all of the panel but I did too much details on that one so it gave me the impression that I'll have to do just as much for every others. Now I still had school to go and that semester my uni got me pretty crappy schedule that made me have to wait for classes at school frequently, I was frustrated because I didn't get to paint during that time and I might finish it too late (even though I didn't set a deadline) and when I got home I just spent so much time checking twitter and just can't pick myself up to draw and ended up feeling shitty about it. *Side story* I was so mad because I didn't get anything done and there's still more than half of the whole thing to do and the worst part is that I had no one that I can talk to because I didn't have any friend who ship Toumaki and I also don't want to publicly talk about what I was doing, I wanted to surprise people when I'm done, I didn't wanna give people the expectation then screw it up (I literally thought I'd drop a bomb not a grenade lmao) I can't remember how long was that shitty phase but I felt like it was so long, I barely finished verse 2 at that point. I was so mad at myself and my progress so I spent a few days to look at time management threads and this helped a lot, I changed my habits completely by this and I still apply those methods now, like I used to stay up til 3am to read fics (bless you writers you fueled me with your writings bless you all) then I switch to bed before 12 and get up early for a good start or reduce working time while increasing quality* After that I kinda got things together,I just went ahead with painting tho it's still kinda tiring, I had to work on 5 essays during this time too. At this point I was like screw all, I give no shit about what everyone thinks I'm just gonna finish this and get some good nap (I practiced power nap to get more focus time for painting but dude everyone wants a good long nap) 10 days before uploading I found out that there's a Toumaki day (I'm so sorry), I was going to posted on the first sunday of June (I did researched on which was the best time to post on social medias so I randomly picked a sunday) and Toumaki day is the last sunday of May, that meant I had 10 days left and 15 panels to paint! I was going to ignore that but I already made it big I should make it right too so I shit my pants going through those last panels. I purposely hiding Toudou's face till the last verse to emphasize the feelz and got so relieved that I finally got to paint him (I read some tags that some viewers got emotional at this part so I'm so glad it worked). The whole things was put under Makichan's perspective so I was so sick of painting him at that point, he showed up in every panel and I can't paint him ugly because he's beautiful (especially his hair, I spent shitload of time painting them). I can talk lots about why I picked to do so but that's headcanon shit and it's embarrassing so let's just skip that. The last day I had only 3 panels left and I was hell confident that I've got this and somehow spent the whole evening rewatch Toumaki pingpong ep (end me). Of course that didn't end well, I managed to finish those by midnight but I still had like 3 panels that needed repaint completely and all 43 needed retouch and edits. My plan was to post at 9am sunday (thats 9pm saturday est) so I had to get up at 5am and finish all that, I ended up cutting down 2 panels and simplified the instrumental panel (some tags said that was nice so I was at least relieved). Unlike other songs I did, the length of every line's quite different and the original sizes I did would make viewers have to scroll slower or faster at different parts. I didn't plan this beforehand and had to trim down some panels even the parts that I really liked and spent lots of time on. I also found out that people outside the homestuck fandom might not familiar with this type of post so I made a video too (I’m sorry I have zero skill in editing). After posting I was terrified of people's reactions or worse, there won't be any reaction so I turned everything off and went to sleep and woke up with an unimaginable number of notes I'd got, I set the target of 500 notes and I really didn't think that I'd get past that number like maybe 2-300 (well my other songs didnt even get 200), at the end I got 5000. I spent the next week reading and screencap tags given in reblogs, I put them on desktop and they're still my motivation til now. Vanilla Twilight is the thing I'm proud of the most even until now, when I've done other songs and projects that look somewhat better. If I have to recommend one thing on my blog I'd recommend it despite its' unskilled paneling, poor composition and muddy colors. It was the first time in my life that I'd put so much effort into something and went through such emotional roller coaster, the feelings I put into it was raw and the idea was very original compared to other songs, I improved and changed a lot during the 2 months I spent on it and never once regret doing it. ***Anyway, you sure have much free time to read it this far, here's a little game for you: I put random things in VT and HF like some characters/stuff from other series, my ocs,... (there wasn't anything purposeless in there even the logo on their cups or the bags they wear) just send me anything you find and I'll draw you something in return**

#toumaki #tweetdump #rant #poopask

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imsarabum · 8 years ago

Text

Responses to {Part 23} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU Asks~

Please ‘Keep Reading’ to find my response to your ask ^^ As always, I have copied and pasted all asks into this post in regards to last night’s chapter to avoid clogging up people’s dashboards and to avoid spoilers for those who may still wish to read the chapter. Thank you ^^

(I have also included asks that I received in the hours before IWSY was posted ^^)

Anonymous said: I love tuesdays because of you hahaha I can't focus on my assignment bcoz im really excited !!!!!! More strong power thank you !

Oh my god please try focusing on your assignment too! TT I want you to do well and so does Jungkook c: hehe~ Thank you so much love :D

@qigoyangi said: and finally it's Tuesday again!! the only other day in the week that I wait for is Fridays. You left me hanging on the edge with the last update and I'm soo excited for todays update. I loved the concept with the reader being a domitor and I'm looking forward too see how you evolve that. lot's of love and support from Qi

Yes it’s Tuesday! I’m so glad you look forward to Tuesdays because of IWSY! And I’m happy that you’re loving the lore and the concept :3 Thank you so much my love and I hope you enjoy tonight!!

Anonymous said: I just finished taking a test and remember u were uploading today 🙌💞 U light up my days -wifey anon

Hello wifey anon! And good job on finishing your test! I’m sure you did an amazing job =D Awwww you’re so cute!! You light up my days too :3 I really hope you enjoy tonight’s chapter :D

Anonymous said: I had a really shitty and stressful day and I have just realized it's Tuesday and now I'm like ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) can't wait for tonight's update

Shitty and stressful days are the worst, I’m sorry your day was so crappy :( But I hope that the new chapter was able to cheer you up and make your day a little better :3 Thank you so much babe!

@jynxy24 said: I'm breathing out tge air of my lungs for the upcoming smut!! :3

*breathes with you* I HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT MY LOVE!

@animeimmortal said: I had such a shit day and all I'm waiting for is IWSY cuz like yes it does make me angry at times cuz of cliffhangers but then again its SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOD ❤

I’m sorry you had a shit day my love *hugs* but I hope that IWSY can make you smile today! (apologies again for the cliffhangers :P )

Anonymous said: Girl, I'm dying here. I need my IWSY fix!

Go go go get it!!

@cotylovesbands said: I can't wait for IWSY!!!!!! I love it so so much 💗

I really hope you enjoyed it my dear! *hugs*

@mocking-butts said: Okay but seriously you're my fav writer ever and I look up to you for writing and I'm way too excited for this chapter you are now the mother of writing I'm calling you mumsy~! I'm so excited I can't stop looking at my phone 😭💕

Omg mumsy *heart flutters* that’s so cute ajkgnakjgadg you’re so sweet what did I do to deserve you?! hehe~ I really hope you enjoyed the chapter babes! Thank you so much :)

Anonymous said: Omfg I'm so excited for the next part, like I've been procrastinating for about an hour on meaning to do homework and this has only solidified that I shouldn't be doing work until I've read the update 😂

Let’s be professional procrastinators together yaaaaay I love doing nothing and leaving everything till the last minute so I can stress cry and worry about everything LOL xD I really hope you enjoyed it my love :3

Anonymous said: I'm buzzing for ISWY, I've had such a shitty time editing this essay and your update is giving me motivation

I’m so glad I can offer you the inspiration to keep editing your essay! You’ll do a good job my dear ^^

Anonymous said: That was such a good chapter!!! But this caught my attention, in a previous chapter, Jungkook mentioned not to let a human become pregnant because it will end badly for everyone? Did he decide it was okay since she was a domintor? Will she die? Will he change her? So many questions! Such a good story, I love it and I love you!

Ahh thank you so much and I love you too!! As for your questions my dear - as always, I never reveal spoilers so you will just have to live with your curiosity for the time being ;D I hope you can understand asdfg :3 Thank you so much for reading and I hope you have a great day/night!!

@audreymv said: Yes Yes Yes. I love at the end especially where they said "You" I can't so much. I love this and omg what is Yoongi actually wanting to do with the reader. Can't be good. God Smut and Fluff. Well this is just my lucky day and I just am so sad that this series is going to end soon. But so relieved and happy hopefully. God this makes me happy. You make me happy with what you do Sara. Thank you

I’m so happy you liked it c: AND HEY WHO SAID IT WAS GONNA END SOON? It ain’t over ‘till it’s over...and my god, nothing has even happened yet! :3 I really hope you’ll look forward to and enjoy what I have planned. I hope that it was be interesting, shocking and enjoyable all at the same time. I’m so excited to write it! And my dear, you make me happy because you’re happy. Thank you for always being amazing :)

Anonymous said: THAT CHAPTER WAS SO GOOOOOOD! I RECENTLY GOT MY FRIEND INTO BTS AND NOW WE LITERALLY JUST WAIT THE WHOLE WEEK FOR YOUR UPDATES!! THANKS FOR WRITING THIS WONDERFUL FANFIC! LOTS OF LOVE❤

YAAAAY THANK YOU SO MUCH! I’M SO HAPPY THAT YOU AND YOUR FRIEND LOVE BTS AND READ MY SERIES :3 you’re so welcome and thank you for reading it and messaging me c:

Anonymous said: LOVE LOVE LOVE IWSY -anon who just read chp.23

Thank you so much for reading it and loving the story so far!! It means a lot to me :)

@mocking-butts said: IM SCREAMING AT THIS CHAPTER I CANT HANDLE THE FEEELS. I'm just going to go cry in a corner while waiting for next weeks update I'm in love with this story how do I properly live?

No don’t cry in a corner that’s not good! :c *hugs* eheh thank you so much for reading it dear ^^ I’m so happy you enjoyed it!

@vtstigmarmy said Omg it's out! Finally! Its 2am and im hyped!!

Wow it was so late for you! :c I hope you managed to get to sleep after reading it, and thank you so much for staying up so late to read it too!! I hope you liked it!

@animeimmortal said: Oh that was hell of a chapter. Wow like this the smut was spot on and the "I will move mountains...swim an ocean for you" type of thing got me internally screaming for how much I liked it ^^ (so cheesy ^^) my mood went up 100% ❤❤❤ love you 😘

Ahhh I wish I could find someone who would say those words to me and mean them with all their heart ^^ I’m not a huge fan of cheesiness - I find it to be rather cringey most of the time but, when it’s heartfelt and when it’s right for the moment, I accept it :3 lol Ah I’m so glad the chapter could bring your mood up! I love you too and thank you so much :D

@ayedemi said: Iwsy is so good omg, but like vampires and human or half human, gettig kids, i hope it won't be as dramatic as Twilight omg 😂❤

Do not fear! There will be no Twilight fuckery in this story xD You can be sure of that :D thank you for reading love ^^

Anonymous said: Fuck... u NEED to create a TV show out of IWSY I would literally watch it over and over again... 😭 How I wish this could be real life..... 😍 Going through hard times I know I can always count on you xxxx

I would love to make IWSY into a TV show! Omg that would be so cool~ And I wish this world could be real life too....but, I don’t think this scene would be allowed to air on television (not before 9pm anyway lool) I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through hard times. Keep your chin up and keep doing your best, and I’m always cheering you on ^^ Thank you so much my love.

@theninjachan said: "Do I need to ask you a second time, sweetheart? Don’t you wish to please your Prince?” I just busted a nUT I'M LEAVING PLANET EARTH GOODBYE

SAME GOODBYE GOODNIGHT WHEN WILL A PRINCE EVER WHISPER THAT INTO MY EAR FUCK STOP THE BUS LET ME OFF I

@sorrehbae said: Glad to know im not the only one whos obsessed with iwsy I legit have an alarm and set it in my schedule lmao I dont even have alarms for school im- Thanks for creating a masterpiece Bye omg （⌒▽⌒)

Oh my god that’s so cute Cx YOU ARE SO CUTE LET ME HUG YOU ;; Thank you so much for enjoying IWSY, and thank you for reading th new update as well ^^

Anonymous said: It was amazing. I. cannot. live. THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE BABBIIIEESSSSS?! But JK needs to turn Y/N because otherwise he will live much longer than she?! But which of the three scenarios (Vampire, Nothing happens, Die) will happen? AHHHH xxxxx UK anon

Baby talk yikes!! I wonder what will happen?! Ahh so many questions! Will Sara answer anything? heeeeeh c: Thank you so much for reading babe ^^

@mysr3 said: Saraa! I LOVE YoU and MAD at YoU at the same time! So GoOd OMG I did feel hot and bothered! Your writing indeed hit my emotional spot again! JK shows who the BOSS here! "I didn’t know what love was....My life was but a barren wasteland…until you walked into it and shed your wonder upon it" ahh Tears at this whole thing- so touching 😭 Give you lot of Hugs and KiSses Thank you Love! Thought last week I struggled hard enough😒 this week seems to be worse! Luv Ya 💖

Nooo don’t be mad at me why!? :3 Lots of hugs and kisses for you too - and I really hope that this week won’t be as bad as last week. Please stay strong okay? You can really get through everything because you are stronger than you think! You have survived all of your worst days so far...remember that ^^ I love you too and thank you so much for reading the chapter my dear :)

@deboracorreia26 said: I'm definitely out of words after this love confession. IWSY is absolutely my favorite fanfic ever, and you are my favorite writer. Love you!

I’m so happy you liked his gentle pillow talk c: *blushes* thank you so much beautiful - thank you for reading the new chapter and I love you too!

Anonymous said: Last week I was like "hmm chapter 22 and there hasn't been another smut scene yet... Suspicious." And then when I was reading it I was like "OOOOOH JUNGKOOK IS MAD I BET THERE'S GONNA BE SOME THINGS GOING ON NEXT CHAPTER....." And then at the end of the chapter I was like "YEAH MAN I CALLED IT THERE'S GONNA BE SOME ~spicy~ SCENES NEXT CHAPTER!" And now I read it and JEEZ LOUISE WAS THAT SOMETHING. Also THE END HAS ME SQUEALING ITS SO CUTE AHH Thank you for writing IWSY it is truly amazing! ~Ro❤️

Hiya Ro! I’m glad you enjoyed the much needed 3rd smut scene in this series :3 muhaha~ Thank you very much for reading it, as it is my pleasure to write it and post it! ^^ Have an awesome day my dear!

Anonymous said: Me trying to be calm after reading IWSY pr 23: well shit, sara... tbh you just made me love you like a billion times more . I applaud you once again on your exceptional writing. Me in all honestly after reading it: HOT DAMN THAT WAS PRETTY JUICY! I SERIOUSLY THOUGHT JUNGKOOK WAS GOING TO PROPOSE AFTER HIS LITTLE SPEECH TOWARDS THE END! anyways... ;'-' please take care of yourself, and you have once again impressed me with your writing! <3 - army anon

But I love you way more, so c: Hello Army Anon! You’re welcome for the hot, sexy juiciness~~ And oh my god a post-sex proposal :3 Prince Jungkook is so romantic, right? :3 I’ll do my best my love! Make sure you take care of yourself too and thank you so much for reading the new chapter :3

Anonymous said: I'm not crying. You are.

You’re not wrong

@koreaisanaddiction said: SARAAA!!! it was so GOOOOOOD!!

THANK YOU MY LOVE!!!

Anonymous said: Idk how many words that chapter was but it was basically en entire chapter of pure smut and I'm happy I waited to read it till I got home because otherwise I'd be fanning my face at school.

I believe it was around 5k words? So, considerably less than the previous chapters but still substantially full! Oh god yes you made a wise decision to wait until you got home :3 Thank you so much for reading it and I’m glad you enjoyed it my love :3

@coppertopging said: AHHHHHHHH why do you do this to us!!! You're a heartbreaker! She's gonna get pregnant! And then Yoongi's gonna get her!!! I just feel it... dammit, woman!

Ahhh you think you have it all sussed out...*giggles* Thank you for reading baby!

Anonymous said: Wow look at all the smutty goodness in that new chapter of IWSY like I was legit jumping on my bed and throwing my phone 😂

All le smutty goodness yay :3 LOL thank you so much for reading it and enjoying it?! :3

Anonymous said: Seriously, "I won't stop you'' is AMAZING -cat anon

Hi cat anon! Thank you so much for liking I Won’t Stop You! :3

@noceurash said: BLESSS , i won't stop you is a blessing to this world. As always ~~ Ily and have a good day today (or tomorrow pft ) ♡♡♡♡ . You're one of my favorite blogs tbh haha ♡

You’re so sweet aghsgksjnds thank you so much for your kind words. I love you too and I hope you have an amazing day or night as well my dear! Take care and thank you so much for reading :3

Anonymous said: I feel emotionally attacked. The most recent update of IWSY hit me in the feels highkey. You never fail to impress :) <3

I feel so happy when you tell me that I impressed you, thank you so much for that sweetie :) And you’re welcome for feeling emotionally attacked! It was my pleasure ~~~

@kookies-hoe said: OH MY GAWDDDDDDD HOW CAN SMUT BE SO CUTEAND FLUFFY AND SEXY AT THE SAME TIME 😭😭😭 Thank you for the new part! Cant wait for 24~ 💕❤

I think the best sexy time is sexy time that is both smutty and fluffy :3 Hehe~ You’re welcome and thank you so much for reading it my love!!

Anonymous said: Omg yassssss THEY BUMPED UGLIES. THIS WAS WHAT I NEEDED. OMFG IM SO HAPPY. LIKE JUNGKOOK IS SO DADDY AND IM A SINNNER BUT I CANT HELP IT. THAT BOY DOES THINGS TO ME. Y/n was getting that good 🍆! 😏😏😏. But on another note I'm so depressed I can't go to see jungkook this weekend. But I still love him from a far and one day Ima touch him. Mom I hope you've been doing well. My surgery went great and I'm doing fine. It wasn't a big procedure. I love you so much. 💜 ~LilKookieAnon

Hello LilKookieAnon! YES LMAO THEY BUMPED UGLIES and my dear I am so happy that your surgery went well. I hope you are recovering nicely and taking plenty of time to rest and restore your energy! ^^ I’m sorry you can’t go and see BTS :( But I know that one day you will, never give up okay?! I love you so much too and thank you once again for reading the chapter ^^ Take care of yourself okay?

Anonymous said: IWSY, incredible yet again. I will never get over how every single chapter leaves me satisfied AND anticipating the next one! You've really developed the plot so nicely. It's overall one of the best of its kind in my opinion. Keep up the fantastic work Sara! Can't wait for next Tuesday!!! (Also, "I would want no other woman to mother my children..." I'm DED) - 종달새 <3

‘One of the best of it’s kind’ - you are far too sweet, I’m crying at that :c I’m so happy that you like the plot and you’re enjoying the storyline, I really wanted to create a world that everyone can enjoy! And I KNOW RIGHT GOD DAMN IT I HURT MYSELF WITH THAT LINE GOODNIGHT lmao thank you my dear ^^

Anonymous said: IWSY update is the only thing that keeps me going on Tuesday

I’m so happy that it keeps you going *hugs*

Anonymous said: Omg I completely forgot that today IWSY was going to be posted like it was raining earlier and I was making a paper mache(?) piñata with a couple friends but like YES THE SMUT IT WAS GREAT AND SO IS YOUR WRITING

Ooooh paper mache making is so fun! Invite me next time pls :c hehe ^^ Thank you so much for liking and reading the chapter my love :3

@jiyongyu said: There are only a few fics that I absolutely adore and IWSY is one of them. Seriously, I'm always waiting for Tuesday to roll around because I can't wait for the next chapter haha! Thank you for writing such an interesting horror-esque fic! As a fellow horror fan, it's quite refreshing ^^ Anyway KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK ILYYYY ♥

Thank you so much for saying that :) It seriously makes my heart go all dokidoki lmao ~ (I don’t know how to say that in english? haha) I’m so happy that you like my addition to the horror fic genre! That means so much to me~ I will keep doing my best and I love you too ;3

Anonymous said: Idk how you managed to turn to atmosphere of the room from dom!jungkook to something all lovey dicey is beyond me 👏🏼

I really wanted to portray the healthiness of their relationship. Like, he’s definitely a dom but he’s how a dom should be in those type of bedroom adventures~ He is of course authoritative and likes to be in control, but he reads her body language and is attentive to her needs and security and of course, he loves her ^^ I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it :3 Thank you dear!

@jynxy24 Is it wrong that i'm reading this but, I'm like, 14? Sara, you make the best of smut😂 But, I should really stop reading smut what is wrong with me😳 THANK YOU AGAIN FOR A GREAT CHAPTER!! And also, I love the new theme! :3 Have a great day, Sara. Stay awesome!!

JYNxY YOU’RE 14 OH MY GOD YOU POOR CHILD I’M SO SORRY LMAO but tbh, I *do* have it marked as MATURE and there is a warning on it :P I can’t stop minors from reading what I write, just as long as you are mature enough in your self and you are sensible and safe in the real world when you make your own decisions ^^ Thank you so much for loving the new theme! And thank you for reading the new chaptER YOU BAD CHILD (kidding lol) but I think you are mature and sensible so ^^

@ananyak26 said: Part 23 was damn sexy! The last part was so beautiful though! Omg Jungkook's love .. It just killed me! Why can't there be more guys like himxD.. Jk anyway. Beautiful writing as usual

There are no guys like him - only Vampires ;D muahaha(my jokes are so bad forgive me but I try) lol xD THANK YOU so much my love, I’m so happy you enjoyed the chapter :) That means so much to me ^^

@toxic-seoul said: OH MAH LAWD OKAY THAT WAS AMAZING AS ALWAYS. oh god seriously tho I really love Jungkook in this. Yoongi better back the fuck off. I take back all words I said about Yoongi taking reader away & wooing her even tho he's my bias. But.. u kno.. he did kill her parents.. like.. that's a deal breaker. I still love him in this tho like ugh kill me as well. Jungkook and reader are just 2 god damn cute & 2 invested in each other like I can't. Sara ur killing me here & I love it. Keep killing me pls lmao

LOL BACKPEDDLE FROM WANTING YOONGI TO FUCC YOU AGAINST A WALL like fuck lmao~~ they are pretty much 100% invested in each other now, you’re absolutely right. But...I wonder. c: You’re welcome for the death and the smut hehe ^^ thank you so much for reading it and always being super amazing. Take care and have an awesome day love!

Anonymous said: Chapter 23 was some kinky shit

You’re welcome ;D

Anonymous said: I have never liked Vampire!AU or supernatural au but damn WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME !! I CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF VAMPIRE JUNGKOOK MAN OMFG 😭😭😩😩🖤🖤🔥 love your writing 🖤🖤 stay healthy and amazing 🖤🖤

That means so much to me!! Thank you for liking my addition to this type of AU :3 Thank you so much and I hope you will stay healthy and take care of yourself too my dear :)

Anonymous said: hello! I am writing just to thank you for writing the jungkook vampire fanfic!!! I just found it yesterday and I read the entire series already!! seriously looking forward for the next chapter. you write so well, I think you can do well as a legit story writer HAHHAA. anyways thanks for all the hard work and for satisfying my fantasies!! <3 u and <3 kookie!!

Thank you very much for writing to me and letting me know! Ahh you read it all in such a short space of time?! *cries* thank you!! you’re so sweet and I hope you will look forward to the rest of the series too my dear. I love you and Kookie as well! Take care love ^^

@wanda-rog said: "If it happens, it happens" JUNKOOK BEFORE IT HAPPENS omg im so exited for the next chapter!!

Hehehe :3 Thank you for being excited for the next chapter! And thank you for reading this chapter too ^^

#IWSY #I Won't Stop You #Responses #Asks #imsarabum

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