#but it means more now that i've written harry for this long

[tiderideraa]

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄  𝐃𝐎𝐄𝐒  𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑  𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐋  𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋  𝐀𝐓  𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄?

—  where  you  are  heard .

how  badly  does  your  throat  ache?  when  was  it  that  you  started  yelling?  screaming  for  a  split  second  of  recognition  in  their  eyes.  i  think  i  heard  you  last  night,  right  before  i  fell  asleep,  an  echo  of  some  sorts.  you  remember  everything  and  it  has  rightfully  made  you  angry.  there's  a  part  of  you  that  lost  its  trust  in  humanity.  you've  tried  it.  you've  sat  them  down  and  explained  it,  you've  written  the  poems  and  the  stories,  you've  tried  your  hand  at  composing  the  tunes  that  match  your  inner  worlds.  you've  drawn  pretty  pictures.  you've  tried,  with  every  last  bit  of  energy  inside  of  you,  to  translate  what  you've  been  meaning  to  say.  i  want  to  ask  you  to  tell  me  about  it,  to  scream,  to  demand  that  i  hear  you.  i  wish  i  could  be  next  to  you.  it's  so  simple,  this  thing  you  desire.  to  have  someone  just  look  at  you,  for  once,  and  truly  see  you,  see  their  eyes  light  up  with  all  that  you've  been  thinking.  i  hope  you  can  look  in  the  mirror  and  see  yourself,  as  wonderful  as  you  are,  breathe  in  deeply,  breathe  out.  know  that  you  are  here,  that  you  are  yours.  that  you  will  always  be  there  to  listen  to  yourself.  be  gentle  with  your  heart,  despite  the  anger  oh  please,  be  gentle.  the  day  will  come,  when  you  will  be  holding  yourself  in  your  arms,  the  most  beautiful  love  you'll  have  ever  found,  and  i  promise  you  people  will  come  along  and  recognise  the  image  you  have  painted.  they  will  sit  next  to  you.  they'll  hear  you  before  you  say  a  word.  you'll  be  like  art  to  them,  the  way  you're  art  to  yourself,  the  way  even  the  river  sees  you  walk  by  and  silently  sighs  her  admiration.

tagged  :    nada tagging  :    @devillain​,  @heiresea​,  @rosewiltd​,  @luxoned​,  @levered​,  @dvarapala​,  @demoniste​,  @navalrefuges​,  @loetise​,  @lighthouseborn​,  @faedrake​,  @vengefulwins​,  @vampyrebond​,  @noirsteel​,  @mimnghs​,  @valourbound​,  @rotturn​ ( jason ),  @lockslei​,  @ask-alicelockwood​,  @biteofwinter​  and  you !!

[greenerteacups]

thoughts on Ginny and Harry as a couple?

There are a lot of people who find their romance in HBP forced. I don't think it's forced so much as underwritten, and the books don't get the chemistry quite right (though the movies certainly don't, either). There's potential, but they just don't get enough actual scenes of substance (besides Harry thinking she's pretty or feeling jealous of Dean) for a lot of readers to buy that they're not only in love, but deeply enough in love to break up, get back together, and wind up married.

That's not to say I don't see the appeal. There's a very cool scene in Book 5 where Harry's doing a woe-is-me-Chosen-One act, and Ginny effortlessly puts him in his place about it by reminding him that she was possessed by Voldemort at eleven, which is a rare glimpse into her character and also a great synecdoche for their relationship — Ginny is a grounding presence who, like Ron and Hermione, isn't going to be awed by his past adventures because she knew him before they happened. In that respect, Ginny's probably one of the few women Harry could feasibly wind up with, because he only ever seems comfortable around people (let alone girls) who can see past the Chosen-One schtick and treat him like a normo (see: Ron, Hermione, the Weasleys, Luna, Hagrid). True to type, he doesn't get interested in Ginny at all until she's ditched her celebrity crush and ceased to view him as an idol, because in his heart of hearts, Harry wants to be a normal boy, and it's stressed over and over that part of what he likes about his relationship with Ginny is how normal it feels. He kind of has a horribly supercharged version the celebrity dating problem: after the Battle of Hogwarts, anyone he meets is going to know him first as Harry Potter, Chosen One, Boy Who Lived, and Actually Fucking Resurrected Messiah of the Wizarding World, which is... I mean, it's possible that there are witches out there who could get over that, but Harry's not an extroverted guy, and I'm not sure how he'd go about finding them. Ginny's the one who's been there since the beginning, doesn't need anything about him or his past explained to her, and actually likes him for who he is.

When you look at it that way, it's not surprising he married his high school girlfriend. She's one of the few people still alive who doesn't see him as a demigod.

[lemoncrushh]

This Is Me You're Talking To

Summary: You and Harry are divorced, but you both still have feelings for each other.

Warnings: Divorce, smut (sex with the ex), angst, lots of feelings

Word count: 3924

A/N: Written in 2016. Inspired by the song of the same name by Trisha Yearwood. Obviously, this isn't for everyone, but it's very personal to me and one of my favorite things I've written. Please be kind.

Hate is a strong word. At one time you might have felt like you hated him. But it had been a year now since the divorce and you'd both moved on. You'd resolved that you just weren't meant to be together and were never really on the same page. In the beginning of the relationship, you'd convinced yourself that you were okay with his busy lifestyle and the fact that your time together was limited. But after five years of marriage and two kids, you'd come to resent him for that exact fact, and you finally agreed it was time to separate.

Two months ago, you were out with friends for a long overdue girls' night out, the kids staying the night with your mother. You hadn't expected to run into Harry. You saw him regularly when you would drop the kids off for their time with him, but other than discussing their needs, you didn't speak to him very much. It just wasn't necessary. Knowing what he was doing with his personal life was no longer your business and frankly you didn't care.

So, when you were about to make your way to the bar behind your friends, you stopped in your tracks when you saw Harry slipping his arm off the back of a beautiful brunette. One of your friends twirled around to give you a wide stare, the other muttering "oh shit" and asking if you were okay. You rolled your eyes and assured them you were fine before continuing to the bar.

After ordering your cocktail, you caught a glimpse of Harry looking your way out of the corner of your eye. Quickly turning back to the bartender, you gave him a smile and a healthy tip when he handed you your glass.

"Y/N," you suddenly heard in an all too familiar voice.

"Hi, Harry," you sighed, barely looking at him.

"Out with some friends?" he asked with a weak smile. You knew that smile. You knew all of his smiles, actually, and what each one meant. This was his nervous smile.

"Yeah," you replied emotionlessly before taking a sip from your straw.

"You look amazing," he commented, stepping closer to you.

You shut your eyes for a moment, telling yourself his words didn't mean a thing. "Thanks," you said, eyeing one of your friends in hopes that she was ready to move to a table.

"How are the kids?"

"Fine," you nodded. "They're at my mom's."

"Good. I'm looking forward to seeing them next weekend."

You continued to nod, having nothing to add.

"How've you been?" Harry inquired.

"I-"

"Baby..." you heard a female voice from behind Harry. You saw her painted nails on his shoulder before you saw her face. "Let's go sit over there."

"Love, this is Y/N," said Harry, gesturing toward you. "Y/N, this is Sharla."

It took all you had not to quirk a brow, but instead you extended your hand, shaking the other woman's.

"Lovely to meet you," you smiled with pursed lips.

"You too," she said nonchalantly before releasing her hand from your grip and placing it on Harry's bicep.

"Well, I guess I'll...see you..." Harry grinned shyly.

"Yep," you nodded once more.

"Good for you," you suddenly heard behind you as Harry and the brunette walked away.

"I'm proud of you, Y/N," your other friend said as she wrapped her arm around your neck.

You let out a breath. "Gotta admit," you muttered, "that was harder than just seeing him when I drop the kids off."

"Well of course it was. Is that the first woman he's dated since you?"

"I have no idea," you replied, turning around. "But that's the first time I've met one."

"C'mon hon," bestie number one looped arms with you. "We're gonna find you another man."

You chuckled as you walked with your friends to the other side of the room.

"What the fuck kind of a name is Sharla?"

"Desiree had a little cold this week," you explained as you handed your two-year-old to Harry's open arms. "She seems okay now, but I put some medicine in the bag in case you need it."

"Alright," nodded Harry before turning to his daughter. "You feeling better now, Desi?"

Desiree beamed her angelic smile. "Better."

Harry gave her his mini version of a fist bump before giving her a kiss on her forehead. "Wanna watch TV with your brother?" Bringing the little girl into the living room, he set her on the sofa next to her four-year-old brother.

"Cameron, get your shoes off the couch, please," you instructed.

The little boy kicked his shoes onto the floor without prying his eyes from the cartoon he was watching. Crossing your arms, you turned to Harry.

"Something smells good," you commented.

Harry grinned. "Thought I'd make some spaghetti."

"Look at you," you quipped. Then you gazed around the room. "Where's Sharla?"

Sharla had been at Harry's the last two times you'd dropped the kids off. Though she'd been pleasant enough, you could feel her eyes throwing daggers at you the entire fifteen minutes you were there.

"Um...dunno," replied Harry with a shrug.

"She was busy?"

Harry ran a hand through his hair. "We broke up."

"Oh," you said softly. "I'm sorry."

Harry raised his brows and quickly looked away. "Yeah."

Biting your lip, you watched Harry turn for the kitchen where he stirred the contents of a large pot.

"Well, I guess I'll be going," you muttered.

"You um..." Harry stumbled, "wanna stay? For dinner?"

"Oh, I don't-"

Your words were quickly interrupted by the buzz of a timer.

"Damn, forgot about the garlic bread." Harry hastily opened the oven door and grabbed the baking sheet, not bothering to put an oven mitt on.

"Shit, bloody he-"

"Harry!" you exclaimed, just as he dropped the baking sheet on the counter.

"Sorry," he said, thinking you were upset at his cursing in front of the children.

"What do you think you're doing?" you scoffed.

You grabbed his hand and pulled it to the sink, running cold water over it. You could hear Harry's heavy breaths as he stood next to you, his chest heaving.

"You can't just grab something out of the oven without gloves, Harry," you scolded.

"I know," he mumbled. "I was..."

You lifted your eyes to him, his pouty lips partially open as heavy breaths continued to puff out.

"You were what?" you inquired.

"Distracted."

Exhaling slowly through your nose, you averted your gaze and returned to the task at hand.

"Looks okay," you cleared your throat, turning off the water. "Doesn't seem to be burned too bad. But you might wanna put some ice on it."

"Thanks," Harry said so low that you barely heard it.

Reaching in the freezer for an ice pack, Harry turned his back to you as you dried your hands on a dish towel.

"Daddy!" squealed Cameron as he came trotting into the kitchen. "Are we having pasketti?"

"We are, little man," Harry confirmed.

Cameron danced to the table, taking his seat without being told. Walking over to him, you kissed him on the cheek.

"Goodnight, baby, Mommy's going." Giving him a hug, you walked past Harry to kiss your little girl goodbye.

"You sure you don't wanna stay?" you heard Harry ask.

Lifting Desiree in your arms and propping her on your hip, you returned to the kitchen. "I don't know..."

"There's plenty of food," Harry gestured toward the pot. "Way more than we'll eat."

"It does smell good," you hesitated.

Harry gave you a smile. This was different than his nervous smile from earlier. This was his 'c'mon, you know you want to' smile. Stepping up to the stove, he grabbed the wooden spoon he'd been stirring the sauce with, bringing it over to you, his hand underneath to catch any drops.

"Give it a taste," he said.

You let him gently lift the spoon to your mouth as you tasted the delicious Italian seasonings.

"What do you think?" he asked.

You swallowed. "I think I'm staying for dinner."

Harry continued to smile as you walked over to the table and set Desiree in her high chair. Harry got a bowl ready for Cameron and set it in front of the patiently waiting boy. Then he did the same for Desi, giving both children a sippy cup of juice. You sat next to your daughter as you watched her starting to make a mess.

"Desi, you're gonna get more on your tray than in your mouth," you chuckled.

"She likes it that way," joked Harry.

You couldn't help but beam at him as he laid a plate of spaghetti and garlic bread in front of you, another plate for himself next to you. Returning to the kitchen once again, he uncorked a bottle of wine and poured two glasses.

"Cheers," he said when he handed a glass to you and sat down. You clinked glasses and took a sip.

"Oh that's the good stuff," you commented.

Harry winked. "You noticed."

Early in your relationship you'd confessed to Harry that you had a weakness for red wine. One night he surprised you with an expensive bottle that knocked your socks off. After that, he always made it a point to get it again for special occasions.

"What did you get this for?" you inquired.

"No real reason," Harry shrugged.

You eyed him as he took another sip and set his glass down, digging his fork into his spaghetti. Raising a brow, he looked at you out of the corner of his eye until you quickly picked up your own fork.

The four of you had a pleasant dinner. For some reason it didn't feel odd or uncomfortable. It felt like old times, although your kids were a year older.

After the meal, you helped clean up, wiping Desiree's face and setting her down to let her run back to the living room. Just as you were cleaning off the table and Harry had put the leftovers in the fridge, you turned around to find him pouring more wine.

"I hope you're not pouring that for me," you scoffed.

"Why not? You always used to drink two glasses. Sometimes three."

"That's when I didn't have to drive home," you rolled your eyes.

"Who said you have to now?" Harry asked before taking a sip from his glass.

You narrowed your eyes. "Harry."

"Wha'?" he sounded.

Shaking your head, you were about to reach for your purse that you'd left on the counter when Desiree emerged from the living room and took your hand.

"Mommy!" she said with excitement.

"What baby?" you asked her.

"Sit wiv meee," she replied, tugging on your fingers with her tiny hands. You followed her lead into the living room where she pointed to the sofa and demanded for you to sit. When you obliged, she climbed into your lap. Looking up, you saw Harry with a massive grin on his face. Then he crossed to the room to Cameron's other side and sat down beside him.

"What are we watching?" you whispered in Desiree's ear.

"Pooh bear!" she answered.

You and Harry sat through the rest of Winnie The Pooh and half of some other program that came on after it until you realized both kids were asleep. With delicate precision, you rose from the sofa with your baby girl in your arms, and Harry scooped up a sleeping Cameron. He followed you down the hall until you stopped at Desi's room and laid her down in her bed. Pulling the covers over her and pushing her hair back from her face, you kissed her temple. Then you met Harry in the hallway and traded places, giving Cameron a goodnight kiss. Shutting their doors, your eyes met Harry's and you gave him a tight-lipped smile before heading to the bathroom. When you came back out, he was standing in the kitchen again.

"Thanks for the dinner," you said softly. "It was nice. You know, to be with the kids and put them to bed."

"Yeah, usually I have to read them at least two stories each," he smiled. "Just something about their mum, I suppose."

You blinked, lowering your gaze. "Well anyway, thanks. I'll come pick 'em up Sunday."

"Wait..." he insisted when you turned for the door. "You're not gonna finish your wine?"

You twirled back around, the full glass of wine still sitting on the counter. "Um..."

"It's your favorite," said Harry, lifting the glass. "It'd be a shame to waste it."

"Harry," you shook your head, "what are you doing?"

He shrugged. "Wha'? I'm not doing anything. I just thought you'd like to have your wine. Just because we're divorced doesn't mean we can't be in the same room, does it?"

Licking your lips, you dropped your bag and keys on the counter again. He was right. It wasn't like it meant anything. You could be civil. "Okay."

Taking the glass from him, you followed him into the living room and sat on the couch.

"How's work?" he asked you.

"Ppppffff" you sounded, nearly spitting out your wine.

"Was that not a good question to ask?"

"You wanna talk about my job?" you rolled your eyes.

"I just wanna know how you're doing, Y/N," Harry remarked. "I know you don't believe it, but I do still care."

You sighed, sitting back in your seat. "It's fine. Work is good. No major complaints."

"Good," Harry nodded, "I'm glad."

His eyes seemed to be burning into yours so you had to look away, taking another sip of wine.

"Have you been seeing anyone?" you heard him ask and you flinched.

"Why?"

"I just wondered. You deserve to be happy, Y/N."

You huffed and shook your head.

"What did I say?" he looked taken back.

"Sorry, I just don't get out as much as Harry Styles. I don't have the opposite sex throwing themselves at my feet. Or the same sex, for that matter."

"Y/N..."

"What happened with Sharla?" you asked, rolling your eyes again as you pronounced her name.

Harry let out a low, short chuckle. "Sharla...was...not for me."

"But she seemed so perfect for you, Harry," you teased.

He narrowed his eyes. "No, she wasn't. Far from it."

Your expression softening, you tilted your head. "So what did happen?"

"She didn't want to be with someone who had kids," he swallowed. "Simple as that."

"I'm sorry," you muttered.

Harry ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "It's alright. There were other things too, but that was sort of the deal breaker."

"What other things?" you asked curiously.

Harry looked at you and puckered his lips in thought, no doubt trying to decide whether he wanted to divulge this information.

"She wasn't very bright," he stated matter-of-factly.

You let out a giggle, covering your mouth with your hand.

"She once asked me what country Alaska was in."

"Oh my god," you laughed harder.

Harry chuckled, shaking his head. "I know. That shoulda been a red flag."

"Poor thing," you said.

"Who? Her or me?"

You threw your head back laughing some more until you realized you should keep your voice down since the children were sleeping. You finished the rest of your wine in one large gulp, setting the glass on the coffee table. It was then that Harry got up from his seat and walked to the kitchen, returning with the wine bottle.

"Harry!" you exclaimed when he started pouring into your glass.

"Not much left," he insisted. "We need to finish it."

With a scoff, you took the glass. You figured you might as well. You were already feeling tipsy, so it wasn't like you'd be driving right then anyway. Besides, as much as you wanted to deny it, you were feeling comfortable with Harry for the first time in over a year. Maybe it didn't have to mean anything. It was just...nice.

"Oh hey, I wanted to show you something," Harry finally said after you'd been sitting in silence for a few moments. Slipping his phone out of his pocket, he swiped the screen until he stopped on something that made him smile. "Here."

You took the phone from him and noticed it was a video. Pressing the screen, it came to life. In the center was Cameron sitting on the floor, a toy drum between his legs. You could hear the sound of a guitar strumming in the background and a voice singing, no doubt Harry's. As soon as Cameron started banging on the drum, little Desiree showed up in the screen, doing her best to dance to the mixed rhythms. You watched the video in awe, smiling from ear to ear. By the end, you were all choked up.

"That was great," you commented, handing the phone back to Harry. You sniffed and wiped your eyes.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

You nodded. "I loved that. You're..."

As your voice trailed off, you felt Harry shift on the sofa, sliding closer to you.

"What was that, love?"

"You're such a great father," you declared. "They love you so much."

"I love them, too."

"When did you take that?" you asked.

"Bout a month ago," he replied. "I kept meaning to show you, but forgot."

You nodded silently. Looking into Harry's eyes at that moment, you felt a sudden wave rush over you, like you were being pulled under. It was like the feeling you used to get with him, when things were good. As you lifted your glass to take another sip, Harry reached for it, stopping you. Taking it from your hand, you watched him set it on the coffee table. Then scooting even closer to you, he slid his hand under your ear. When he tilted his head to kiss you, you didn't stop him. You'd known it was coming, it was one of his signature moves. But you allowed his lips to press against yours. Even when he continued with the kiss, slipping his tongue inside, you didn't stop him. Instead, you allowed your body to come alive, urging him to keep going.

Dragging his lips down your neck, he felt him hum against your skin. His hands encircled your waist, the pads of his fingers traveling up your back as your own hands got tangled in his hair.

"Harry..." you finally sounded, not really sure how you planned to end that sentence.

"Tell me," he demanded, his voice low and raspy in your ear.

"What?"

"Tell me you want me," he finished. "Just like you used to. I need to hear it again."

You swallowed hard, not immediately fulfilling his request. When he lifted his head to look at you, his emerald eyes looked dark and full of fire.

"Tell me, baby," he repeated.

"I want you, Harry," you admitted. "I want you to make love to me."

With a nod, Harry kissed you passionately before rising from the couch and reaching his hand out for you to take. You followed him into the bedroom where he kissed you again, lifting the hem of your shirt until it was over your head and dropped on the floor. You fumbled with the buttons on his shirt and removed it, adding it to the pile. You wasted no time removing your jeans and underwear before you lied down on the bed.

As Harry hovered over you, warnings began to go off in your head. It had been so long. Your body missed his so much it ached. But your head was telling you this might not be a good idea.

When his lips met yours again, however, your body won out. You were so thirsty for him, you knew you had to have him, even if it was wrong.

Neither of you said a word. Your actions and your eyes spoke everything. With heavy eyelids, slid down your body, licking and sucking your nipples the way you liked. Everything he did was the way you liked. He knew your body better than anyone had or ever could.

When he made his way between your legs, you gasped and closed your eyes. His hands on your thighs, he nipped at your clit before sliding his tongue up your slit. He worked his magic, moving in circles, slowly at first before picking up speed. You grasped at the sheets beneath you as you felt yourself reach the edge, your toes curling.

"Oh my god," you finally sounded, a low deep moan rising in your throat as you felt the orgasm rip through you.

It wasn't until you were coming down, catching your breath, that you took in your surroundings and realization hit you. This wasn't your husband. He hadn't been for a long time. You had moved on a while ago. Yet, here you were in his bed.

Kissing your inner thighs, Harry lifted his head and returned to hovering over you. You legs trembled from the aftermath as he gave you a lopsided grin.

Harry didn't ask if you were ready for him. In all your time together, he just always knew. He didn't need to ask. You were always ready for him. Your body craved him. Swiping his hand up your wetness, he used it to lubricate his erection before entering you. He thrust a few times before you turned your head to stare at the wall. You weren't sure why, but you could feel the tears coming. This wasn't how it was supposed to be, you told yourself.

Grabbing hold of your thigh with one hand, his other next to your head, Harry moved in and out at a steady rhythm until he finally slowed to a stop.

"Look at me," he breathed.

Your head still turned to the pillow, you fought back the tears.

"Please," he begged. "I'm inside you baby, you can't look at me?"

Your chest shook with sobs as you finally lifted your eyes to look into his. Although they were dry, they revealed the same feelings and emotions as yours.

"I love you, Y/N," he declared. "I never stopped."

As another tear trickled down your cheek, you lifted your hand to touch Harry's face.

"You still love me too, don't you?" he asked.

Biting your lip, you nodded. Harry leaned his forehead against yours.

"Then what are we doing? We should be together."

A tiny sound rose from your throat as you threaded your fingers through his hair. Lifting his head slightly, Harry looked at you.

"Yeah?"

"Yes," you heard yourself agree, making Harry smile.

"God, I've missed you," he groaned, his hips slowly pumping once more. "So much."

"I missed you too," you admitted, your eyelids fluttering from the sensation.

"Feels so good."

You nodded again. You couldn't deny it. He felt incredible. He'd always been the best, the only one who could make you feel this way. So loved, so desired, so wanted.

You came together within minutes, panting with clumsy kisses. Afterwards, Harry turned out the light and pulled the covers over you. He didn't have to ask you to stay the night. Once again, he knew. He always knew.

As you lay there in the darkness, you wondered what this meant for the future, for your family. Maybe you didn't need to decide right away. Maybe you could start over, take it step by step. But one thing was certain. Wrapped up in Harry's arms was like home. And that's where you wanted to be.

Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed, please like, comment, reblog or send me a msg!

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[be-with-me-so-happily]

Okay so hear me out. Angst. Pure hardcore I’m gonna crawl into a hole angst. DIVORCERRY. (I’m unwell I can’t help it)

I'm back! Feels weird tbh. Hehe, I had actually started writing this before going through my own. Feels timely that I post it now. It might not be as angsty as you requested, and/or as I intended, but I hope you enjoy... it's been so long since I've written that I have no idea of it's any good.

You never thought you'd be here. Then again, does anyone? Sitting in a cold conference room, with your lawyer beside you and the man you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with now avoiding eye contact, as he stares down at his rings from across the large wooden table. It's not something you ever considered happening when you said 'I do'.

But here you are, feeling every emotion and yet none at all, listening to a mediator list off all the 'assets' that you and Harry accumulated together over the years.

Item after item brings back memory after memory, and a part of you wants it to stop. What's the point? These are things you bought together, found together, did together. Now you are no longer together.

"Mrs. Sty-... sorry, I mean... Ms. YN."

“Hm?” Your eyes shoot up to the man at the head of the table, the one who is there to divvy up the material items from your relationship. The only one who seems to have a hint of compassion in his eyes.

“Is there anything you'd like to start with? Something in particular you'd like to have for yourself?”

What a loaded question. Is there something you want? Yes. How about the last few years back? Or how about a marriage that didn't fall apart in the first place? How about just the beautifully dimpled smile that would appear any time Harry looked your way, rather than the small, apathetic glances you occasionally receive when you have to be in the same room with each other?

You clear your throat, taking note of the fact that Harry still has yet to look at you.

"All I ask… is for my attorney fees to be covered.” You take a quick, deep inhale. “That's all. He can have everything else."

You immediately rise from the chair, oddly one of the most comfortable you've been in, especially considering the situation. Of course, this is the moment he looks up at you, with the most intense furrow of confusion plastered across his brow.

“YN.” Your lawyer whispers, causing you to look down to a face just as confused as the one sitting across from you.

“Just…” You shake your head, knowing that you'll only be encouraged to stay there longer, to continue with the torturous meeting, and dissect why something could mean so much to you. “Just send me the papers to sign.”

“Come on YN…” The sudden deep tone of that familiar British voice sends a shock through your system. With how little you've heard it lately, you'd almost forgotten what it sounded like. Almost. “There has to be something you want. I’m… I'm willing to negotiate.”

You drop your head and rest your palms against the wooden table in front of you. There's a lot that you want, but right the only thing you need is for this meeting to be over.

"Harry, I was never with you to get something from you, other than love.” The tightening in your chest begins, leaving you to feel as if words and air are both now difficult to find. “Now that's gone, so I don't really have anything to fight you for."

You stand back straighter, reaching into your purse and withdrawing the last thing you still had from him.

In your hand is a box, a small box, which you place on the table and glide across the wood, your heart almost questioning if you'll be able to let it go. You release it with a sigh and a full ache in your heart as you realize that this is it. This is the end.

Harry's gaze darts back and forth, never landing on your eyes or the object for more than a few seconds. There's a look on his face of potential disbelief. Maybe it's finally hitting him too, though neither of you should be surprised.

“It's my-”

“Wedding… ring...”

You aren't sure if either lawyer or the mediator heard the whispers of the short interaction, but the room suddenly becomes silent, the void paralleling what's left of your marriage.

What do you say now? What's an appropriate parting statement to give the man you never thought you would part from?

Then again, you've both said all that you needed to say. That's why you are there. So maybe it's best to leave it at that.

You allow yourself one last look at him, and your heart feels as if it's breaking all over again, seeing the same sentiment in his eyes. Those beautiful green eyes you wanted to look at forever.

Considering all the songs Harry's written about sweet fruit, you wish this moment didn't taste so sour.

Taglist: @watermelonsugacry @tw1nflamebruis3 @hopefulwastelandcreation @tenaciousperfectionunknown @queenmadi2 @runway-to-my-aid @theekyliepage @be-yourss @behindmygreyeyes @michellekstyles @a-strange-familiar @yousunshineyoutempter @buckybarnessimpp @msolbesg @sleutherclaw @katiebaxterrrrrr @percysaidnever @mrspeacem1nusone @thurhomish @itsbebeyyy @divalovesyou @bxbyysstuff @sunshinemoonsposts @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @boybands-baseball @austynparksandpizza @missmielyhoran @harryspirate @tiaamberxx @matildasatellite @cherryshouse @yatebe-kohayu @perfectzinenerdperson @babyiamperfectforyou @daphnesutton @around1302 @daydreamingofmatilda @swiftmendeshoran @one-sweet-gubler @jerseygirlinca @carey86 @lomlhstyles @vrittivsanghavi @fdl305 @sunflowersloverr @lemoncrushh @groovychaosavenue @justlemmeadoreyou @copiastricycle @lillefroe

[kiwi-cult]

PARSELSCRIPT!!

Hi. This is mostly for the people from Discord but tadah! I'm finally making that Tumblr post I've been talking about for months.

(Warning this will probably be very chaotic)

To anyone new who sees this: me and some friends made an alphabet for Parseltongue from Harry Potter, aka Parselscript. I'll take you on a little journey to explain my process and give you some tips, should you want to start writing it.

Disclaimer: I wanted to make this script usable for the writer I made it for so it's less of an actual language and more just some characters to represent the Latin (or ‘English’) letters. Like a cipher. It is not realistic. If I made this realistic I'd have to add all sorts of things to indicate body language and smell etc and also have to figure out what sounds Parseltongue actually has etcetera etcetera. No.

Alright.

It all started when we started talking about Parselscript in a Discord server and I asked my friend Ava to visualise the script because she seemed to have a clear vision of it, so I could use it to go from there.

That's how we got this.

I think we all wanted to go with something flowery for some reason, so we did.

After this I just messed around with brushes and shapes in Procreate for a while, tweaking things and trying to make it more writeable. I ended up with something like this (still a rough draft).

It may look a bit like random squiggles at first, and it kinda was at this point. As you can see there's also a lot of added dots and lines, which can be a bit hard to remember and I see you wondering what it looks like without them.

Well here it is.

I showed this to the people I brainstormed with in Discord and we decided to go with the more complicated version because it looks better lol.

This is one of the final versions.

It says: "Hello, my name is Kiwi Cult. I made this script after reading a fanfic called Terrible, But Great written by Isalise the loml on Archive Of Our Own."

Now, to talk about some of the (boring) logistics.

It is read from left to right, top to bottom.

Every separate combination of squiggles you see above is a separate word. Every word is made up of a starting character, one or more letter characters and an ending character.

The very first character you see in the top left corner, with the three petal looking thingies, is a silent starting character that indicates the start of a sentence. Not word: sentence. The end of the character, that little circle thingy, is a comma. So, the first combination says: "Hello,".

Then, the second combination starts with a kind of hook going down and right. This is also a silent character and more meant as an interpunction, that's why you don't pronounce it. It's kind of just a way to start the word when there isn't anything special about it (aka it's not the start of a sentence, a name, an exclamation or a question. But every character is special in its own right🥲). The same kind of hook can be found at the bottom of the combination, except going up. It has the same use, basically just a way to end the word when there isn't anything special about it. Now, you might ask: why does it go right and not left?

We talked about this a while, because I wanted the direction to have some kind of meaning. We wondered about gender, tone, blah blah all kinds of complicated things but in the end I just wanted this script to be writable so I chose to have proficient writers in Parseltongue make their hooks go left and beginners have their hooks go right.

Now, you might notice that I end my words with a hook going right. That is because I don't see myself as a pro in writing in Parselscript okay? It's hard!😭💀

Now, other than the character indicating the start of a sentence, the circle, and the simple hook, there are a few other characters to start or end a combination (don't worry I'll show them all to you at the end, you won't have to use your imagination for long).

We have a character to indicate a name. Now, the rule is: name indicator over start of sentence indicator. So, if you start a sentence with a name, you'll use the symbol to indicate a name, NOT BOTH. (That's not even possible but I don't even want to see you try and butcher my child).

There is a character to indicate a sentence that would usually be followed by an exclamation mark (!), but at the start of the sentence. Then you’d end the exclamated sentence with a period.

The same goes for a question mark (?): put it at the start of a question, not the end. Again, it wouldn't even be possible to use it at the end of a combination but I DON'T EVEN WANNA SEE YOU TRY.

Finally we have a period (.), which looks a bit like a flower with four petals. You do use this one at the end of a word, and it is always followed by a start of sentence indicator or a name indicator. I know people are rejecting capitals these days in their typing but I don't wanna see it. If you start a word after a period with a hook I will find you.

If a sentence starts with a name that is also a question or exclamation you’d use the question/exclamation mark above the name indicator, otherwise it would take away a vital part of the sentence while a name can still be read even if it doesn’t have its indicator.

So, to put it all next to each other, the symbols we have are: -start of sentence indicator -name indicator -exclamation mark (!) -question mark (?) -period (.) -hook (direction depends on efficiency) -comma (,) (direction depends on efficiency)

I didn't make adjusted characters to indicate a capital letter like we do in the Latin alphabet, meaning that the only things you can kind of 'capitalise' are the start of a sentence and the start of a name.

It is also slightly phonetic. Emphasis on slightly. I made separate characters for almost all letters in the Latin alphabet, so you can just write your word normally with Parselscript characters. The only difference is that I made only one character for the 'f/v' sounds and that there is no 'c' character. If a word has a 'c' in it, you'll have to use the character for a 'k' or an 's'. Also a ‘q’ can be made with ‘k’ and ‘w’ etc.

A few examples: -character=karakter -parselscript=parselskript -crazy=krazy -science=siense

-quiz=kwuiz

I know it looks a bit confusing, but I trust you guys' ability to read context clues and figure out what someone means when you try to decipher Parselscript.

Now, for a word like 'phonetic' or 'decipher' I don't really care whether you use the separate characters for 'p' and 'h' or just the one for the 'f/v' sound. You do you.

I also don’t use any double letters because they basically sound the same and it looks ugly but if you want to use double symbols feel free.

I also made some numbers that do not look like they fit with the rest of the script but I promise you that's just because you're not used to it yet. Our own numbers don't belong with our alphabet either because we nicked them from the Arabs (I think, don't quote me on this) but we don’t notice that either.

Tadah. (Yes I know it’s out of order I told you this was gonna be chaotic af)

Other than that, feel free to ask me questions if I've forgotten anything or if you're wondering about anything. I can't guarantee that I have a good answer because I might not even have thought about it myself, but I can always try to come up with something. I am one person, I'm afraid I haven't been able to take everything about a script into consideration.

Now, without further ado; here is the key.

No, your eyes didn't deceive you: there are two versions. The first has a bit more loose squiggles than the second one. I realised that when I was writing physically, the second version was much nicer to write, so it is kind of like Simplified Parselscript. I haven't decided yet if I'm gonna put some lore behind it or not yet. But I included the og one if you're a tryhard and wanna take it on.

Now, if you're gonna start writing it yourself, here is the stroke order.

I tried to make it as clear as possible but please ask me if you're confused on anything.

Red is the starting point of the whole symbol, the arrows indicate the direction to go in, x marks the start of the small extra's.

Now, I'd also recommend writing on some type of paper with vertical lines like this if you're gonna do it physically.

You can just turn a paper with normal, horizontal lines a quarter to get vertical lines. Also, do NOT write in between the lines. They are meant to help you keep the start and ending on the same line so you don't start going into crazy directions while writing. So, start your sentence symbol or hook or whatever in the middle of the line and try to keep coming back to that vertical line after every letter. As you gain more proficiency you'll probably go straight into the next letter without going back to the line all the time but I think this is a good starting point.

I also recommend writing with a fountain pen or something else that flows well because it’s easier to write that way.

Here is another rough draft I made on physical paper to get a feel for it. As you can see this draft had a lot more different starting characters and ending characters so just ignore that. Hope this motivates you a bit or smth.

Lmk if you want me to post a video of me writing in this Parselscript.

Also please let me know if you know of someone else who's also made a Parselscript because I tried to look for it on Tumblr and Twitter etc but I couldn't find anything.

I also feel like there’s a big mistake I made that I realised the last time I worked on this script but I’ve forgotten it now so if you find out please comment or dm or anything💀

Also feel free to use in your own fic, tho a little tiny shoutout in the a/n would be nice :) I’m @/kiwi_cult on Ao3, @/slvtr_ on Wattpad, @/kiwi cult on ff.net, @/slvtr.1 on TikTok and @/.slvtr on Discord.

Credits:

@natis-balamnimaja @asterialvia and @/zee (who unfortunately left the server and I don't know the Tumblr @ of) for brainstorming with me and @isalisewrites for inspiring us and making the server we discussed this in.

Okay bye :) tell me if I forgot anything.

🥝

[phantom-sleuth]

Wanted to rec some other fantasy manga i've been reading.

Here are the one i recommended last time being, dungeon meshi, witch hat atelier and Soara and the monsters house. (with a special shout outs to soara since that one caught me off guard with how good it is)

And now i want to rec some other fantasy manga that im caught up with:

Mamayuyu -

A battle manga about a young man who was adopted by the demon lord "mamama" who lives in a world where monsters and demons live in harmony with eachother, before heroes and demon lords from other worlds start invading his world. Alot of the story so far is focused on him trying to find the meaning in being a hero in a peaceful world.

Its currently ongoing and weekly, however since its in jump its also has a high likelihood of getting axed, so at least keep an eye on this one.

Erio and the electric doll -

A girl love and adventure story about a girl and an electric doll going on an adventure so that the doll can experience the outside world.

Its currently ongoing and monthly, though it appears to be in somewhat of a hiatus.

Frieren at the funeral -

An adventure story about an elf and her party coming home after the defeat of the demon king after a 10 year long adventure. Most of the story so far is about the elf grappling with the passage of time and making the most of it. With the central plot being her going on another adventure with the apprentices of her former party and dealing with the remnants of the demon kings army.

Its currently ongoing and has an anime adaptation.

The girl from the other side

A manga about a girl and a beast named "teacher" living together in the middle of a forest. i would say more but this one is one better read blind.

the manga is currently finished and has a anime adaptation.

Mashle -

A gag and battle manga that stars a boy with no magic in a magical world enrolling in a magical academy and having to conceal his identity from others. Its like harry potter but well written and not made by a transphobe.

The manga is currently finished and has an anime adaptation

[merrybloomwrites]

Cheese is a Good Thing (Larry x Reader)

Summary: Attending your first Louis Tomlinson concert doesn't exactly go as planned. A trash can full of cheese and a chance encounter on a tour bus lead to a night you'll never forget.

Content Warning: smut, threesome (m, m, f) p-in-v-sex, protected sex, light dom/sub dynamic, one night stand

Word Count: 5.2K

Authors Note: This was supposed to be a very silly oneshot inspired by me actually almost falling in a trashcan full of cheese in order to move out of Oli's way at a concert. And then the devil took over and now it's possibly the smuttiest thing I've written?

I also know that I said I was taking a hiatus from posting, but I already had this started and people expressed interest in Louis x Harry x Reader so I wanted to get one story out there. Hope you enjoy!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Y/N, you know I don’t like when you go to things like this by yourself.” 

You roll your eyes at your mothers voice, glad that this is just a phone call so she can’t see the gesture. 

“Mom, I’m almost 30 years old. I’m smart. I know how to take care of myself.”

“I know. Still makes me nervous. Call me when you get home okay?”

“You know you’ll be asleep before Louis even gets on stage,” you reply. If there’s one thing about your mother that’s never changed, it’s her habit of going to bed early. 

“I wish we’d set up that app on my phone so I can see where you are,” she says. 

“We did set it up,” you state. “You just don’t know how to use it.”

“Oh, that’s right. How do I find you again?”

You resist the urge to roll your eyes again at the question, since you’ve taught her how to use Find My Friends about one hundred times.

“I’ve really got to get going, parking is going to be tough so I don’t want to be late.”

“Of course, okay. Have fun and be safe!”

“Thanks mom, I will. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“You’d better, I want to hear all about it!”

You almost laugh at that, since your mother literally has zero idea who Louis Tomlinson is, but you appreciate the effort. After a final goodbye you hang up the call. 

Before leaving, you glance in the mirror one last time to make sure everything is in order. Your hair is pulled up in a ponytail, your make up looks perfect, and your simple shorts and tank top sit just right. It’s a hot day, the middle of summer, and the last thing you want is to overheat.

The drive to the venue doesn’t take long, as it’s only a couple of towns over. It’s a smaller place, basically a big parking lot that got turned into a space for concerts. After waiting in line, you finally make your way inside to find a spot. It’s all general admission so you can choose to be anywhere.

The front right by the stage is already completely filled. You could get into the middle of the crowd, but you’d rather hang towards the back. While you do love Louis, it’s still broiling hot out and being surrounded by people doesn’t sound like a fun time.

Towards the back of the space is a large tent which seems to be the control center. Sound and lighting techs are working from there, as well as security personnel. There are metal gates around the tent, with an opening on the side for the staff to come and go.

This is where you station yourself. You’re outside the fence, just behind the opening. There’s a trash can behind you which essentially means no one will be able to press closely to you. Plus, if you lean over towards the fence you get a less obstructed view of the stage.

All in all, you think you’ve secured yourself a pretty good spot. You have a great time listening to the openers, and then Giant Rooks leaves the stage. It’s almost time for you to watch Louis perform live for the first time in your life.

There’s activity in the tent, and you see a man who looks kind of familiar walking out of it rolling some equipment. You try to move back a bit more to be out of his way, but the cart he’s moving still bumps into you.

It doesn’t hurt you, but it does cause you to lose your balance. And honestly, you have the worst coordination, and even worse luck. So it’s no surprise to you when you fall backwards and land not on the ground, but in the garbage can. 

There’s something warm and sticky, and you vaguely remember seeing lots of people eating nachos. Cheese. You’ve landed in basically a vat of cooling liquid cheese. Well, that’s unfortunate. 

“Holy shit, Are you okay? I'm so sorry.” A strongly accented and very worried sounding voice asks you from above. You look up and see the same man, now realizing that you recognize him from Louis’ documentary. It’s Oli, his best friend and manager. And he’s just sent you flying into a trash can. 

“I’m okay,” you reply, more shocked than anything. 

“Here,” he says as he thrusts his hand towards you. “Let me get you out of there.”

You place your hand in his and he helps pull you out until you’re standing in front of him. 

“Seriously, Are you okay?” He asks. You take a moment to assess if you have any injuries before reassuring him that you are not hurt. 

“I am literally covered in cheese sauce though,” you add with a laugh. 

“Shit, again I am so sorry. Here, come with me and we’ll get you cleaned up and in some new clothes.”

You decide to trust this man, though you really don’t have a reason to. Maybe your mom was right to be worried about you going to a concert alone, seeing as you’ve landed yourself in quite a predicament. 

“You can rinse off in the shower on the bus and there should probably be some clothes you can have. I can grab you a merch shirt to wear if you’d like.”

“Uhm, yea anything not coated in cheese would be perfect,” you reply. 

He leads you behind the stage and over to the buses. “I share this one with Louis and a couple guys from the band. They’re due to be getting ready with the sound techs so the bus should be empty,” Oli explains, pointing to the bus at the end. When you reach it he opens the door gesturing for you to enter first. 

As it turns out, Oli was wrong. Because the bus certainly is not empty. 

“Oh shit!” You exclaim as you process the sight in front of you before you quickly turn to face the other way. Oli walks into the bus and first notices the wide eyes on your face before looking behind you. And what he sees behind you is an image you’ll never erase from your brain. 

Because what you’d just walked in on is Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles shirtlessly making out on the couch. 

“Oli you better not have brought this girl in here to-”

“To do exactly what you and Harry were doing? Obviously not,” Oli replies. 

“Then explain why she’s here.”

“I accidentally pushed her into a garbage bin full of cheese sauce.”

You’re still facing away from them meaning they can easily see the mess on your clothes and skin. There’s a rustling sound and then Louis says, “You can turn around love, I promise we’re decent now.”

You do as instructed and see that the pair are now wearing shirts and are seated next to each other, rather than with Harry straddling Louis' lap like he was when you’d entered. 

“Did he really knock you into a trash bin?” Harry asks. 

“Yea, he was moving a cart with equipment and it bumped into me,” you explain. 

“Mate, you are an idiot,” Louis says with a laugh. 

“In his defense, it is pretty difficult to move through the crowd out there,” you clarify. 

“Well, it doesn't change the fact that you obviously came here to clean up and find new clothes, right?” Louis asks. 

“Exactly,” you answer. 

“What’s your name,” Harry asks. 

“I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you guys,” you reply. 

“I’m going to grab her one of the merch t-shirts, do you think there’s any shorts in here that’ll fit her?” Oli says. 

“I think I have something that will work,” Louis replies. 

“And bring back an NDA with you,” Harry adds. Oli just nods in understanding and walks out, closing the door behind him. 

Harry turns to you and says, “I hope you understand about the NDA. It’s not that we don’t trust you but we’ve been keeping this secret for a while. We’d really like to know that you won’t go around telling people about what you saw.”

“Oh, I totally get that,” you reply. A blush paints your cheeks as you think about what you witnessed. 

The two boys watch your reaction and share a look with each other. They seem to communicate silently for a moment before Harry takes a step towards you. 

“Did you like what you saw?” He asks. His tone isn’t judgemental, nor is it angry. In fact, it seems to be teasing, or almost hopeful. 

“I mean, I promise I looked away the second I realized. I really didn’t see anything,” you answer. 

“Would you like to?” Louis asks. 

This has your mind basically going offline. Did Louis Tomlinson really just ask if you want to see him and Harry Styles make out? Or maybe even do more than that? 

“Aw, babe, she’s blushing. I think he wants to join us,” Harry says to Louis, in a voice certainly meant to make you squirm. 

“Oh you’re right, love, she definitely wants to,” Louis replies. 

He walks forward, until he’s standing right in front of you. His hands move to cup your face and he asks, “Would it be alright if I kissed you? Wouldn’t want to leave you out of the fun.”

You nod, but he gives you a look, silently telling you to use your words. “Yes, it’s alright,” you confirm. And then his lips are on you. They’re plush, yet demanding, and in no time his tongue is breaching your lips, caressing the inside of your mouth. 

As quickly as it began, the kiss ends. It leaves you breathless and dizzy. Louis steps back and you feel like you’ll fall to the floor, except now Harry is there, his hands on your hips. After once again asking your consent, he leans in for a kiss of his own. He’s softer, gentler and yet you’re still melting in his arms after just a moment of his lips pressing against yours. 

He pulls away and moves back, giving you space. And not a moment too soon because a second later Oli is reentering the bus holding a bag. 

“Lou, everything’s ready, time to go,” he says as he hands you the bag. 

“Got it, I’ll meet you out there in a second,” Louis replies.

“You’d better,” Oli lightheartedly threatens before leaving once again. 

“Listen,” Louis begins. “You know about the two of us now. And you enjoyed what you saw earlier. And those kisses, well that’s just the start of what we can do. We're staying at a hotel here in town tonight. If you’d like to join us, the invitation is open. Think about it and tell us after the show, okay?”

You look at both of them and see their serious expressions before saying a quiet, “Okay.”

“I have to run before Oli kills me,” Louis says, tuning to kiss Harry goodbye. 

“Break a leg babe, I’ll make sure Y/N has what she needs and get her out to watch you,” Harry says. Louis exits the bus and Harry turns to you, adding, “I have a spot we can watch from, the view is perfect. But you need to not be covered in cheese. The bathrooms over here if you want to rinse off and change.”

Harry leads you to the small bathroom, shows you how to use the shower, and hands you a towel before giving you some privacy. You undress and hop in the shower, quickly rinsing off all grime from the trash can. You wrap yourself in the towel and look in the bag of clothes, realizing it’s only shirts. No bottoms. Crap. You’d gotten distracted and forgot to get a pair from Louis before he left. 

One glance at your shorts proves there’s no way to salvage them for the evening. After making sure the towel covers you enough, you open the door and poke your head out. 

“Hey Harry?” You call, hoping he’s still nearby. 

“Yea?” He answers and walks around the corner to see you. When he sees your undressed state there’s an irrefutable look of lust on his face. He quickly schools his expression and says, “Need something?”

“Uhm, Louis was supposed to grab me some shorts?” You say uncertainly. 

“Oh right! Let me get something, hold on.”

He’s back a second later handing you a pair of shorts, and you change speedily. Once you finish you start hearing Louis’ intro. You shove your dirty clothes into the bag and Harry leads you out of the bus. 

There’s a building just next to the pit that he walks into. The two of you go upstairs to a room with windows. They’re obviously tinted so no one can see in, but you guys can see literally everything from here. There’s speakers as well so the sound is perfect. 

Other people are in the room, people who must be close to Louis in some way because none of them are shocked by Harry being there. The show is amazing, Louis does a fantastic job, and you’re so enthralled you almost forget about their offer from earlier. 

Almost. 

When the show ends, the room clears out, but Harry stays there and asks you to wait with him. A few minutes later Louis enters, literally glistening in sweat. He rushes to Harry, and they meet in a dirty kiss. You audibly gulp at the sight, your body temperature rising. 

They turn to you then, and Louis asks, “Did you make a decision?”

“We don’t want to pressure you,” Harry says, and Louis nods seriously beside him. “But we’d love for you to join us if you want.”

You hesitate for a moment. This would be new territory for you. Never before had you slept with two men, let alone two famous men. 

And then you stop debating. Because really, you’d be crazy to turn down this offer. “I want to,” you reply, happy to hear how sure and confident you sound. 

“Well then, our ride is just downstairs,” Louis says and he leads you both out to a waiting car. 

The driver asks no questions as the three of you slide into the backseat. You’re squished in the middle, and highly aware of each point of contact you have with the boys on either side of you. It’s scary, but mostly, it’s exhilarating. You find yourself anxious for the ride to end, eager to get somewhere private. 

You enter the hotel through the back door and take a service elevator to the top floor. Louis’ suite is immaculate, and you’d normally be exploring every inch. But you’re not the only one antsy to get things going. 

As soon as the door latches shut, Louis is pressed against your back, his arms wrapping around your waist and his half hard cock obvious where it pushes on your bum. Harry stands in front of you,  his hand going to your face, but he doesn’t lean in. Not until Louis tells him to, and then his mouth immediately finds yours. 

You can tell there’s definitely a slight power dynamic here, and Louis seems to be in charge. Which is more than fine by you. Truthfully you’re a bit out of your depth and would love for someone to lead you here. 

It’s easy to see that Harry was holding back during the kiss earlier. There’s no more hesitance, and while he may be submissive when it comes to Louis, he definitely has a dominant side if the way he takes control of the kiss is anything to go by. 

Harry curls his tongue around yours at the same moment as Louis, now fully hard, grinds against you. The two sensations together pull a needy moan from your mouth as your body goes lax. Louis tightens his grip and Harry moves closer in order to keep you upright. 

“My turn,” Louis says and Harry immediately removes his lips and moves his hands away from your face. One of Louis’ finds your chin and he grips it lightly in order to turn your head to the side. He crashes his lips against yours and Harry’s hands start to explore your body. 

“Please,” you whimper out, unsure what you need but knowing that it’s just more. 

“Sound so pretty when you beg,” Louis says. 

“And while you do look fantastic in my husband's merch,” Harry says, “how about we get you out of it for now?”

You nod, loving the sound of getting rid of the clothes that now feel unpleasant on your sensitive and overheated skin. Harry slips your shirt over your head as Louis shimmies your shorts off, leaving you in your simple bra and panties. Both boys then remove their own shirts, and you pause a moment to take in their bare torsos. Their skin feels so smooth as you run your fingertips over their newly exposed tattoos. 

Your hands continue moving south, until they glide over both of the boys' hard cocks, causing the sweetest sounds to ring out. Emboldened by their noises of desire, you slowly sink to your knees. 

“Please,” you say again, this time clearly knowing what you want. Harry and Louis know as well, and waste no time removing the rest of their clothing. Your mouth waters at the two beautiful cocks as they’re revealed to you. While Louis is a tad longer, Harry is definitely wider. But truthfully, you have no doubt that they both would satisfy you immensely. 

You start by wrapping a hand around each of them, gripping just firm enough to give a hint of pleasure. You lean to Louis first, licking his tip before moving to do the same for Harry.  You feel them shiver in pleasure and decide to take it further. Turning back to Louis, you wrap your lips around him, moving down a couple inches until he brushes the back of your throat. You pull back slightly and begin to move up and down, using your hand for the base that doesn’t fit. 

When his moans grow louder you pull off, turning to Harry and repeating the process. Your lips stretch around him, and you feel more arousal drip into your already wet underwear. After a minute, you’re being pulled to your feet and both boys kiss you messily before maneuvering so you’re lying on your back in bed. 

“Harry, why don’t you show her how much we appreciate what she just did for us,” Louis says. Once again, Harry doesn’t think, just acts. You jolt at the feeling of his lips pressing a kiss to your clit over your panties.

“Jesus, love, you’re fucking drenched. Lou, you have to see this.”

Next you feel Louis’ fingers moving along the gusset of your underwear before he says, “You’re just gushing baby. Why don’t we get this off, they’re ruined anyway, won’t do you much good.” 

You nod vigorously, wanting him to remove them and hoping he’ll do the same with your bra so you can be completely free, completely bare in front of them. You’re in luck, because as he slowly slips the material down your legs, Harry takes care of your bra for you, leaning down to wrap his lips around each breast in turn. 

“She’s ready for you,” Louis says. “Switch with me.” 

Harry does so, and he immediately begins eating you out. It starts gentle, but just for a moment. A couple kisses to your thighs quickly turns into him running his tongue along your folds and then drawing circles on your clit. 

He teases your hole more than once, but never enters which drives you wild. He continues working you up while Louis takes over playing with your breasts, kissing and placing light bites to your nipples. That’d never brought you pleasure before but mixing with what Harry’s doing, it has you seeing stars in no time at all. 

Together the two of them bring you to your first orgasm of the night. It crashes over you in waves, and leaves you moaning and thrashing on the bed. 

You try to catch your breath, but they barely give you a break before switching spots and starting the process over again. But this time Louis does more than tease your hole. His tongue breaches your entrance first before he replaces it with two fingers. 

They curl just right and he instantly finds that perfect spot inside of you. His mouth moves to your clit, sucking it in while his fingers continue their ministrations inside you. 

Meanwhile, Harry’s hands are roaming your body, leaving tingly hot sensations over every bit of skin they find. He’s also murmuring in your ear, his warm breath blowing on your neck as he says things like, “Love those pretty noises you’re making for us,” and,  “Just listen to how wet you are,” and, “Gonna be a good girl for us? Come again, all over Lou’s hand?”

The combination of those words being said in Harry’s low, gruff voice, and Louis fingers and tongue working you up just right has you hurtling into your next orgasm. You cry out again and it rolls through you, even more intense than the last one. 

“Fuck,” Harry says. “You just squirted, why didn’t you tell us you could do that? I might’ve worked harder, which you’d gushed on my face like that.”

“I didn’t- I what? I’ve never done that before. I didn’t know.” Your mind is fuzzy but you try to reply. You can’t believe that just happened. And they liked it? They weren’t grossed out?

You must’ve said that last question out loud because Louis is up by your face a moment later saying, “Not at all. That was one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen. Think you have one more in you? Can you take Harry in that perfect cunt?”

“I think so,” you reply, laying bonelessly on the bed. 

“You think? Do you want to stop here? We don’t want to push you too far,” Louis says, his voice gentler now. 

“No! I don’t want to stop. I can take it, I promise,” you reply. You don’t know what’s gotten into you, but the idea of stopping before they’ve both come has you feeling almost guilty. You want them to feel the same kind of pleasure they already gave you. 

“Okay, just let us know if it’s too much and we’ll stop,” he says before stepping away for a moment. 

He comes back with two foil packets and a small bottle. He and Harry both open a packet and you watch as they each slide a condom down their lengths. 

“Lou’s gonna fuck me while I fuck this pretty pussy, does that sound good to you?” Harry says. 

“Sounds perfect,” you answer. 

You’re still laying on your back, definitely earning a pillow princess title but everyone seems to be fine with that. Harry’s hands gently grip your thighs and he pushes your legs open wide, kneeling in between to get into position. But instead of lining up with your entrance, he gets on his hands and knees. 

You realize that they’d opened you up already, but Harry needs prep too before he can take Louis. You expect Louis to finger him open, but gasp along with Harry when Louis pulls a plug out of Harry instead. You realize that’s been there all night, was probably put in shortly before you walked in on them earlier. 

The thought sends another wave of desire through you, and while a second ago you weren’t sure how much more you could take, now you're desperate to be filled. 

“You ready baby girl?” Louis asks, coming over to press another kiss to your lips. The gentle peas of his lips to yours settles you, and when he pulls away there’s a calm smile on your face and you reply, “I’m ready.”

“Okay. Harry, show our girl what you can do.”

A moment later you feel Harry’s tip at your entrance. You thought they’d opened you up before, but you must’ve underestimated Harry’s size, because you feel each second of him gently pushing inside. It’s a pleasant pain that quickly shifts to only pleasure. 

“One more thing,” Louis says before lifting your hips to slide a pillow under you. Harry moves as well, and you moan as he hits even deeper inside you. This also puts him in a better position to take Louis from behind. 

You feel, more than see, when Louis slides into Harry. He thrusts gently inside you, and leans down to bite your neck while letting out the neediest whine you’ve ever heard come from a man. It’s also possibly the hottest sound you’ve ever heard from a man. 

They fall into a rhythm, controlled by Louis, and the three of you fall speechless. The room is filled with a cacophony of moans and whimpers, as well as the noises being made by your bodies connecting over and over. 

You come first, your walls squeezing around Harry’s cock, pulling him in impossibly deeper. Your body feels almost numb, somewhat tingly, and your brain grows even fuzzier. It’s like there’s a disconnect between the two. It’s a weird feeling, but not unpleasant. 

Harry’s thrusts start to grow sloppy and he tucks his head into your neck as he comes. You feel the pulsing of his cock inside you, and his moans vibrate against your neck. Even after he’s finished, he remains inside and you can feel the way Louis is moving in him as it jostles you as well. 

Louis whines grow higher until he stills, holding himself flush to Harry before finally pulling out. Harry slides out of you as well, slowly and gently, knowing you’re probably sore after three rounds with them. 

They lay on either side of you, each wrapping and arm over your waist. After you all catch your breath Louis asks, “You okay love?”

A smile spreads on your face as you reply, “I’m so, so okay. That was amazing.”

“Glad you liked it,” Harry says. 

You continue to bask in the afterglow until Harry finally states, “We should probably get cleaned up.”

You suddenly become aware of how sticky your legs are and reply, “That’s probably a good idea. Any chance you have spare sheets?” Your mind and body are fully reconnected now and you can feel how soaked the bed is under you. 

“Better yet, there’s a second bedroom. Completely unused bed in there,” Louis informs you. 

He gets up, reaching a hand out, helping you stand as well. The three of you end up taking a shower and they gently clean you up, pressing only the gentlest kisses to any marks they left on your skin. 

After drying off you end the night in a soft, comfortable bed, Harry on one side and Louis on the other. They whisper praises, telling you how good you were, how much they enjoyed their time with you. You fall asleep feeling more satisfied than you can remember ever being before. 

Soft light filters through curtains the next morning when you wake up. Harry is still in bed, awake and scrolling on his phone. 

“Good morning,” you say. 

“Good morning. How did you sleep?” He asks.

“Wonderfully. How about you?”

“Best rest I;v;e had in weeks,” he answers with a soft smile. “Lou’s just getting everything ready. We need to leave in an hour to get to the next venue,” he informs you. 

“Oh, yea, I should probably be going.” No sense dragging it out anymore, now that the night is over. 

“Of course not. You can’t go until you’ve had breakfast with us. I mean, we didn’t buy you dinner before getting you into bed, the least we can do is get you some breakfast after,” he says with a laugh, his dimples showing and making you blush. “It should be here soon. We didn’t know what you’d like so we got a few options.” 

“Thanks, that’s really kind of you.” 

Harry pulls you in and you relax in his embrace until Louis pops into the room saying “Food’s here.”

You move to get out of bed and then realize that you’re not wearing anything. Louis notices your predicament and disappears again before returning with the other t-shirt Oli had gotten you the previous evening, as well as a clean pair of boxers and shorts and your own bra. He leaves again giving you privacy to get dressed, which you do quickly. 

You join them for breakfast, happy to see they've gotten pancakes, your favorite. Louis also pours you a cup of tea, making it a perfect start to the day. 

“Oh, by the way, where is your car parked?” Louis asks. 

Truthfully you’d forgotten you had a car. Had forgotten life outside this hotel exists. So you pull up your phone and look at the dropped pin you’d placed last night to remember when you’d parked. 

“It’s just a few blocks from here,” you say, showing him the screen. 

“Ok perfect, a member of my team will be here in a minute to grab your key and pick it up to bring it to the hotel.”

“Oh that’s alright, I don’t mind walking.” Though as you say it, you realize it’d be a walk of shame, which you’re not thrilled about.

“I insist. Don’t want you walking that far, especially not after last night,” he adds with a cheeky smile. You blush for the thousandth time, knowing exactly what he’s thinking about. 

Someone does come to grab your key, effectively ending the walk down memory lane. The three of you chat for a bit, the boys asking you questions about yourself before Louis shifts awkwardly and says, “I noticed the NDA in the bag when I was grabbing your shirt. I truly hate to ask but-”

“You don’t have to ask. Of course I’ll sign.”

“Thank you love, it just gives us peace of mind.”

“I’m more than happy to.” You promptly get up to grab the papers and a pen, handing it to Louis once completed. “I really enjoyed spending the night with you guys. And not just the sex, but everything else too. You really take aftercare seriously,” you say with an awkward laugh. 

“Well, we do pride ourselves on being gentlemen,” Harry replies, flashing you another dazzling smile. 

Louis receives a text a minute later and says, “They’ve got your car downstairs, and we really should be getting going.”

You all stand up and they each pull you in for a hug. 

“I think I speak for both of us when I say we really enjoyed last night,” Harry says. 

Louis adds, “Absolutely. We’re so glad you agreed to be with us.”

“Well I’m just happy falling into a trash can full of cheese actually had a good outcome.” 

They both laugh at that before each giving you one more kiss and saying goodbye. 

You drive home in a daze and spend the day just thinking about the events of the previous night. You call your mother as promised, telling her a mostly fabricated story of your night which to her knowledge, ended with you arriving home before midnight.  

And when you watch a livestream of Louis’ show that evening and hear him mention how much he loves nacho cheese, you know it’s his way of saying he’s thinking of you. 

You know you’ll remember that night for a long time, and hope they will as well.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AN: Thanks for reading, I'd love to hear what you thought about this first Larry x reader story! Requests are open if there's anything you'd want to see in the future

[t1oui]

thinking about how living w regulus would affect harry like

he's such a fucking snob about everything. food, decor, fashion, you name it, he's got opinions on it.

he does ballet despite being the least graceful person on the planet. he's somehow pretty good at it, likely out of spite

speaks french

very much a cat person, has a cat named leo who is his baby

like yk how james and sirius are extremely codependent? that's how harry is w leo. both of them can not handle being apart from each other too long

reads a lot of stories

thinks seeker is the best quidditch position

on that note, lots of slytherin house pride. james hates it. harry refuses to put any gryffindor decorations up in his room

harry loves taking pictures just like reg so the house is filled with photographs

and ofc harry is snobby about what types of cameras he uses thanks to reg. james now just lets them deal with the cameras & photography stuff bc he's scared to get the wrong thing lol

harry is taller than reg but bc dysphoria all of reg's old clothes (like quidditch jerseys + hoodies and stuff) are his size so half his wardrobe is from reg's hogwarts days

definitely the type of guy to change his bedding & curtains & everything in his room based on the season. will anybody actually be in there other than him and his parents? not really, but he MUST redecorate

idk what this even means but snobby about candles. this is another thing james is scared to buy him

harry and reg speak french w each other more than english

since james doesn't speak french w harry (i hc he's only comfortable speaking it w reg) harry is used to having a conversation in two different languages so sometimes he'll be speaking french w his friends without noticing

he'll be in the middle of a rant and realize they don't understand a thing he's saying lol

reg and harry control the decorating for every holiday, every birthday, etc.

the one thing harry knows how to do that reg doesn't/reg didn't teach him is cooking. reg never cooked for himself as a child so james was the one who taught him

doesn't look like it most of the time but all of harry's clothes are very expensive... did i mention he's a snob

harry is such a dry texter/writer... he's such a dick about grammar when it comes to writing even tho he can barely string a sentence together when speaking

deeply sarcastic (look! a canon detail! we never thought we'd see that on this account, did we?)

will take his partners on the most expensive dates & whatnot like it's nothing... cedric the farmboy™️ is not prepared

writes sad boy poetry when he gets annoyed w someone... like harry will storm off all pissed and then he comes back 20 mins later with a beautifully written, very angry poem for whoever made him mad

has so many clothes & different curtains and bedding sets for different seasons that he also uses the closet in the guest room (reg takes up 99% of his and james's closet for the same reason)

has an inherent hatred of fake plants

bedroom is simultaneously tidy and so messy a hurricane might as well have come through

leaves a book behind everywhere he goes

secretly the worst sense of humor lmao

he may not have gotten his love of drawing/painting from regulus, but you def see reg in the way he is, you guessed it, a massive snob about art supplies

soooo indecisive. redoes his room at least twice a year

an asshole when he gets less than 10 hours of sleep... he's mildly tolerable after 3 cups of coffee (black, of course) but you might as well just ignore him until he gets a nap in

on that note is very good at making coffee and is, drum roll please, a massive snob about it. who would've guessed (somebody count how many times i've said snob in this post and comment it please and thank you)

if he doesn't like a gift he's horrible at pretending he's happy w it so people usually go through reg whenever they buy him something... this goes both ways too, people go through harry when buying something for reg

is visually james and lily's but in personality is really just reg's (and also lily's... he definitely inherited his spite from her lol)

is a crazy cat lady by age 20

at least 10 pictures of leo in his room... he has whole photoshoots for her and she poses for them

might as well not hang out w harry at his house bc he'll make out with his cat the whole time

loves going to art museums w regulus

he's a, surprise surprise, snob about art. james just doesn't comment on art altogether atp

his vocabulary is a weird mashup of french, english, and hindi that makes it very hard for anybody who doesn't know him well to understand what he's saying lol

looks angry until he smiles (he got this from lily but a life with reg has perfected it)

needs a golden retriever to his black cat in any given relationship (enter cedric and cho) (yes i'm going to push my rarepair on everyone reading this)

tl;dr being raised by/living w regulus has turned harry into a massive snob about literally everything and regulus is proud of it (blink twice if you need help, james)

[walesfootball]

She - Alexia Putellas x Reader (PART 1)

To celebrate me going to see Harry Styles tonight I wanted to post this Alexia fic I've been writing. I kinda forgot that I'd written this so here ya go! I'll try to get the next parts out quick (if you like it), haven't planned where it's going but we shall see. Let me know what you think!

You and Alexia have been friends for a few years. You’d met when you worked a summer job in Barcelona’s kit department. You’d get everyone’s kit ready and clean everything from their kits, training kits, and their boots. The both of you started talking one day, and have been close friends ever since.

You were sat sprawled out on Alexia’s sofa, as the latter was in the kitchen making the both of you a drink. All week, Alexia seemed stressed out, which was unlike her. You had asked her every day if she was okay, but nothing back. A simple ‘fine’ or ‘of course’ and she’d change the subject. You knew there wasn’t much you could do when Alexia got like this. Just to leave her alone and she’d open up when she’s ready. That didn’t help your frustration.

Alexia came into the living room, putting the drinks on the coffee table in front of the sofa, and grabbed your legs to sit them on top of her lap.

“Um… I’ve been wanting to ask, but… I don’t know how to say it properly.” Alexia started. You propped up on your elbows, eyebrow quirked up in interest.

“What is it?” You impatiently said.

“You see. It’s complicated.”

You waited for her to continue, but Alexia said nothing. She played with her fingers, while her eyes were fixed on the drinks on the coffee table.

“Hey, look at me,” You tapped her gently on her forearm to get her attention, “whatever it is, however complicated it may be, everything’s going to be okay. I’ll make sure of it. And you’re really scaring me.”

Alexia finally looked towards you, now propped up on your hands to get a better look at Alexia’s face.

“I have a wedding to go to next week.”

“Is that it?”

“You didn’t let me finish!” Alexia joked, chuckling a little at your impatience.

“Sorry, sorry. So you’ve been invited to a wedding. What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing. But… I might’ve told my mother that I have a date to go with me.”

“You didn’t tell me you’ve been dating someone!” You said, a little hurt that Alexia would keep something like this from you.

“That’s the thing… I haven’t. But I told my mother I have because she says it’s been too long since I’ve found someone.”

You looked at Alexia’s nervous disposition. It’s fair to say that over the past few years that you’ve known each other, you had developed some feelings for Alexia. Ingrid always told you to tell Alexia how you felt. You’d made good friends with the Norwegian while working at the kit department in Barcelona too. She was the one who coaxed the crush out of you, telling you she had a feeling it was Alexia with the way you'd blushed when Alexia even looked at you.

To think Alexia was dating someone else without telling you broke your heart. But losing Alexia as a friend because you couldn’t control how you felt, now that hurt more. So you’d never told her.

“Okay, so you’re looking for a date? How about you ask Patri?”

“They’ve met Patri and know she’s dating someone else.”

“Alright, well how about Jenni?”

“Why would I ask my ex to be my fake girlfriend to a wedding?” Alexia asks incredulously.

“I mean, it would be kinda believable. They’ll just think you got back together.”

“She’s in Mexico. And I’m not asking Jenni!”

“What about-?” You were stopped in your tracks as a pillow crashed into your face.

“I was going to ask you!”

“What? Really?” This shocked you. ‘Fuck! She likes me too,’ you thought! 'Yes! I don’t need to say anything.’

“Well, my family have never met you. You know me very well. I’ll just say we’ve been dating for a while, but I wanted to make sure it was serious,” You realised what Alexia was saying. She wanted to pretend you were dating, “I can’t find someone in a week to go with me to a wedding. And my family knows the team.”

“This is absolutely insane, you know that right? I’m a really bad liar, Ale. I can’t pull this off!” You had always been the worst liar, your anxiety crept up and the truth needed to be said.

“I know but you’re the only one I trust to do this! Por favor, Y/N. I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do.”

“Have you tried maybe being honest?” You knew it sounded harsh, but you didn’t think acting like a couple and everyone else thinking you were a couple was a good idea, especially when you fancied the pants off Alexia. Who wouldn’t? Alexia is the first thing you think of when you wake up and the last thing you think of when you go to sleep. You’re constantly thinking of what Alexia is doing if she’s eaten, if she’s okay. All of the cliches to do with liking and loving someone, you’ve been there.

“I can’t be honest with my family now, they think I’m really happy with this girl! The only person in my life who I can do this with is you.” Alexia pleaded with you. You looked at her for a few seconds, thinking about how bad of an idea this was. You then saw the look of desperation in her eyes and knew you had to do it.

“Well, aren’t you in luck that I’m available next week?” Alexia pounced on you, her arms around your neck and her legs on either side of your body. You held her back with your arms around her waist, nervously.

Alexia pulled back to look at you, with a coy smile on her face, “Gracias. You don’t know how much this means to me.”

“Anytime. So who’s wedding is it?”

———

Over the next week, you and Alexia went shopping for new outfits for Alexia’s cousin Maria’s wedding. Alexia always found a way of thanking you for going with her as a date. This never settled your nerves.

“I just don’t know what to do, or how to act. I can barely talk without sounding like an idiot.”

“You’re overthinking this. Wouldn’t it be nice if you just told her?” You looked at Ingrid in disgust. This was the irony of being a bad liar, you kept her biggest secret from one of her best friends, and you don’t know how.

You and Ingrid had met up in a nearby cafe in Barcelona. It was mainly Ingrid laughing at your inevitable breakdown about going to a wedding with your crush and having to act like a couple.

“Yeah good idea, Ingrid. Hi Ale, for the last year now I’ve realised I’ve got a fat crush on you and I would love to do couple-y things with you, but I’ve been too much of a pussy to tell you and- oh, damn, okay, you don’t want to be my friend anymore because you don’t see me in that way. Oh no, I’ve lost my best friend. I’m such an idiot. I could’ve just avoided all of that by not telling her. The end.”

Ingrid sat on the opposite side of the table, with her hand holding the right side of her face, smiling at this massive idiot in front of her, “You’re so annoying sometimes.”

“Love isn’t as easy as people make it out to be. It’s very fucking difficult, Ingrid.”

“I know, but I have a feeling she likes you too.”

“You have a feeling? You know, I’m pretty sure Adolf Hitler had a feeling things would work out for him in World War 2, but look what happened there.”

“I can’t believe you just compared me to Hitler. But! My point is, I’ve seen the way she looks at you, the way she always keeps her eye on you at parties because she knows you don’t like big crowds, the way she’s always at your house or you're at hers, the way she ran after training ended because she didn’t want to be late to meet up with you. The list is endless.”

You stared at Ingrid, a look of interest yet still undecided. “A lot of friends do that though.”

“Do they?! You were 10 minutes late meeting up with me.” Ingrid countered your argument.

“I was… on the phone with Ale,” Ingrid looked at you in an ‘I-told-you-so’ way, “No! You can’t do that! I can’t tell her! This is a massive deal for her to turn up to this wedding with a date on her arm, and I’m lucky enough to pretend to be her date. I would love for it to be more, but I am not ready to lose Alexia. I can’t. I don’t want to ruin things in case she only sees me as a friend. And I hear you, she might like me too. But what if she doesn’t? I care for her too much to let her down.”

“Okay. But after you come back from this wedding, and you tell me you’re dating, I can’t wait to say I told you so.” Ingrid leaned back in her chair, with her arms and legs crossed, trying to prove a point.

“Alright, whatever.” You gave up trying to plead your case.

———

You and Alexia were out for dinner a day before meeting Alexia’s family. Alexia wanted to introduce you to her sister, Alba, and her mother, Eli, before the wedding ceremony. Both girls were nervous about the occasion; not just about you meeting Alexia’s family for the first time, but about acting and going as a couple.

“So what are the rules exactly? How are we going to make this believable?” You asked, as you took a sip of the water and placed it back down on the table.

“I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it.” Alexia shrugged.

“Well, I guess we hold hands and stuff?” You said in an unsure tone, almost scared to bring some things up.

“It shouldn’t be too hard. We hug all the time and hold hands. We’ve shared the same bed a lot.”

“What about… kissing? That’s what couples do, right? They kiss. Do we… you know? Do that?”

“I think. Couples kiss, sí?” Alexia nervously played with the food on her plate, not wanting to look up at the judgment in your eyes.

If Alexia did look up at that moment, she would’ve seen a pair of eyes just as nervous as hers. If not more. Eyes that portray the amount of love you felt for this woman, and how much you wanted this to go right for Alexia, even if it meant ignoring your strong feelings.

“Have you told your mum about me?” You asked, curious to know what the woman you've heard so much about thinks of Alexia’s new girlfriend.

“Sí, I told her yesterday I’m taking you. She can’t wait to meet you.”

Alexia had decided it was going to be you she was going to take to the wedding, even before she asked her friend. She wanted more than ever for you to agree to this, not only to get her mother off her back on dating but as a way of trying to pick up the courage to tell you that she’s liked you ever since she saw you folding up her training kit. Alexia will never forget the day you met. Y/N folding everyone’s kit while singing along to ‘Sign Of The Times' by Harry Styles… very loudly. Alexia had stopped in the door as soon as she heard the massive crescendo of a voice, filling up the room as if an audience was watching. Your earphones clearly on full blast. Alexia stood there with a smile on her face, waiting until the song had finished. After a pause, the Spaniard thought it was safe to enter the room to ask you a question about her kit. Until you had started singing another Harry Styles song, ‘Carolina’, very loudly again. Clearly a massive Harry Styles fan, a thought she had while watching you sing and dance. She remembers you jumping in surprise as you turned around to find an entertained look on the other girl’s face and then bursting out laughing. And the rest, as they say, is history.

“Ale, are you sure you want to do this? If it’s too much-”

“It’s not too much! I’m just nervous about everything.” Alexia had turned pale at the thought of lying to her mum and sister, people who she too considers her best friends. Alexia had always been very close to her family, but her mum wanted to see her happy with someone.

“There’s nothing to be nervous about. It’ll all work out. We’ll meet your family, go to the wedding, and come back. It’s done.” You explained, making it sound like the easiest thing in the world, even if in both your minds it was the hardest.

“You make it sound so easy. I know they’ll love you as much as I do, it’ll be hard for anyone to dislike you.”

You blushed, masking it by taking a sip of your drink. Alexia saw the way she had affected you, and smiled down at her feet, proud of herself.

———

The next morning, Alexia drove the both of you to her mum’s house. After dinner last night, she felt ready for the day ahead. The both of you knew each other very well, how could this go wrong? You didn’t sleep at all after dinner on the other hand. You thought you’d do something wrong or say the wrong thing. Something had to go wrong during your time of fake dating. Something!

As the car stopped in front of the house, Alexia grabbed your hand which was sitting in your own lap, nervously fidgeting with the hole in your jeans.

“You’re okay. I’m here. I won’t leave your side.”

You nodded, Alexia giving you the confidence to open the door and get your and Alexia’s bags from the boot. Alexia opens the door of her childhood home, her sister almost sprinting out to greet her.

“Lexia! Where is she? Where is this girl you’ve been hiding from us?!” Alexia went red from the attention as Alba shook her with annoyance at not having met her new girlfriend.

“Nice to see you too. She’s getting the bags.” Alexia smiled at her sister, almost excited at the way Alba called you her girlfriend.

“Charming. I like it.”

You rounded the car with two bags in your hands, smiling at the siblings. Your cheeks flushed from the heat.

“Hello, I’m Y/N. It’s so lovely to meet you.”

“Alba. We’ve heard so much about you!” Alba hugged you straight away, not giving you a second to breathe as the bags dropped to the floor in surprise.

Alexia’s mother was next to come through the door. “Come in! My name is Eli, Alexia talks about you all the time!”

“She does?”

“We’ve only just found out you were her girlfriend this whole time!”

Alexia interrupted, seeing the scared look on your face of disappointing your ‘girlfriends’ mother almost instantly, “No, we’ve been dating for a little over 8 months, mama. I didn’t tell you about her sooner because I didn’t want to mess anything up with her.”

“Well, I don’t think I’ve ever heard Alexia being so serious about a girl before. Not even Jenni.” Her mother said before returning back to the house with a spatula in her hand.

Alexia put her face in her hands, horrified her mum said that. You laughed as you pulled Alexia’s wrists down gently to see her flushed cheeks. Alexia found a taunting smile on your face.

“Your mum’s really cool.”

“You would say that. She likes to make fun of me like you do.”

You laughed at the teasing tone you were given. You grabbed the bags from the floor and winked at Alexia, almost to say ‘You’re doing good’. Alexia felt her shoulders drop as the nervousness seeped away bit by bit.

Alba watched the both of you the whole time. The eye contact, the lingering touches, and the joy on her sister’s face when you teased her. You walked through the door and placed the bags in the living room.

Alba pulled Alexia back, “I like her already.”

They both continued on into the house with Alexia biting her lip. Of course, they’d like her best friend, you were perfect, Alexia thought.

———

The evening was spent around the dining table, the four of you chatting, mainly about this new relationship they’d only found out about a few days ago.

“So who made the first move? Tell me everything!” Alba excitedly said.

You and Alexia looked at each other straight away. You didn’t talk about this. You both chuckled awkwardly to see who would make the first move.

“Well…” You started, with an unsure smile on your face, another awkward laugh escaping from your mouth as you looked toward Alexia again.

“You’re better at telling this story, mi amor.” Alexia challenged, knowing this would infuriate you.

“Am I?” You said sarcastically.

“Sí. She loves telling this story.” Alexia smiled devilishly, keeping her laughter in. This is fun, she thought.

“Well… we got really drunk one night. Just the two of us. And Alexia asked me to dance. She knows how much I love Harry Styles, so we danced to ‘Sweet Creature’. And after the song finished, she told me she liked me more than a friend and I felt the same way too. And that’s that.” You smiled at how well you came up with that story. If in doubt turn to Harry Styles, it’s always been your life motto.

“That’s really cute!” Alba cheesed.

“And you’ve been together for 8 months? How did you keep that from us?” Eli said.

“I told you, mama. Y/N means a lot to me and I didn’t want to say something too early and we break up.”

Alba and Eli were beaming toward the both of you. You reached down for Alexia’s hand in her lap and intertwined your fingers to relax her, offering a small smile. Alexia looked over and gave you a grateful smile. It was only the both of you in the room when you looked at each other.

“You two are so cute! When is your wedding?!” Alba exclaimed.

You all laughed as you finished their dinner.

———

As night fell, Alexia took you up to the bedroom. The double bed waiting for you, along with an en suite.

“This is nice. Beautiful view of the garden too.” You said, as you put the bags down on the bed and made your way to the window.

“There’s only one bed, so we’ll have to share. Is that okay?” Alexia said nervously.

“Like you said, we’ve shared a bed loads of times before. It’s just that your mum and sister will probably think we’re having sex.”

Alexia laughed nervously, “Thank you for this. I mean it.”

“You’ve said thank you about a million times. And I always tell you that it’s okay. I don’t mind. Your family is lovely.”

“Were we believable, you think?”

“Did you hear my story about how we got together? I’d say that was pretty believable.”

“That actually happened. Just without the kissing part.”

“What can I say? I’m the best.” You exclaimed as you climbed onto the bed with your arms raised above your head to prove a point.

“Get down from there. You’ll hurt yourself.” Alexia laughed as she looked up with wonder in her eyes.

“Admit that I’m the best. And then I’ll get down.”

“No. I’m not giving you that satisfaction.”

“But it’s true. What did you call me before? In Spanish? A ‘mi amor’? Whatever that is, I’m your that.”

“You don’t know what it means?” Alexia crossed her arms.

“I don’t speak Spanish, you know this. Only the basics. I speak enough to get some food in me.”

“You are the worst. Not the best.”

It was your turn to cross your arms, trying to feign annoyance. Alexia smiled up at you once more.

“Come down, amor.”

“Help me down.”

Alexia holds onto your waist as you hold onto the Spaniard’s forearms for balance. Neither of you broke the eye contact that was being held at this moment. As you stepped down in front of Alexia you felt nervous. Alexia looks deep into your eyes, biting her bottom lip to stop her from doing anything stupid. You look up at the slightly taller girl, eyeing her lovingly, and look back down as you felt a blush creeping up your neck and in your cheeks.

Alexia leans her forehead on your left shoulder, burying her face in your neck. Alexia chuckles suddenly, “I can’t believe we’re doing this.”

“Neither can I.” You tucked herself in Alexia’s neck too, a place which always brought comfort to you whatever you were feeling. You began playing with the baby hairs, poking out from Alexia’s ponytail, calming her down instantly. Alexia’s arms circle around your waist in an effort to bring you closer, burying her face deeper into the crook of your neck, if that was even possible.

“Come on, I’m tired. We’ve got a big day tomorrow.” You said, pulling away from Alexia, despite the comfort.

[brandileigh2003]

Wolfstar fic recs featuring disability, chronic illness, chronic pain, or characters who are deaf or blind

**please feel free to drop your own fic or recs in comments and I'll add.

~~~please give these authors love, comments and interaction means more than you know. ~~

orange juice (i've been ready for you to come home for so long) by raggedypond divorced wolfstar get back together, flashbacks to remus getting diagnosis, breakup, and Sirius dealing with alcoholism. Raising teddy. Hea.

-love finds a way by littleoldrachel: Jurassic Park exes to lovers

-the sea is a good place to think of the future by peachyybabe: @lavenderhaze get back together, raising teddy, the second has mcd but if you just read first you can pretend he's ok? (I know I have friends who don't touch mcd with 10ft pole)

-(really you can't go wrong with any of peachyybabe, disability, chronic illness and/or mental health/illness in all.

-Forget the World by @amberlink mcd. Sirius is a surgeon, saves remus' life and they marry for insurance. But ofc fall in love along the way as Remus' heart gets worse. this was so good and explored brief as well

-my jokes are my armour, my kindness is my sword by @littleoldrachel remus owns flower shop and meets the gang (seizures and chronic pain

-Like Real People Do by third_crow coffee shop au, also sirius raising harry. So good.

-Tender is the touch (of someone that you love too much) by @purplefiction-ao3 remus has heart condition, written by person with chronic illness themselves

-Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations by TheQueerTailor Sixth year has just started and Remus is barely keeping up. He's just sixteen but it feels like his body is falling apart.

-heat and balance by @eyra also interesting look into Sirius dual role of partner and caregiver

-We’ll Make It Out Alive by wolfstar_addict417 texting fic, raising teddy

-the mayors of simpleton by fruity_individual get back together, remus is blind, raising teddy

-Found Heaven by fierrochase fluffy text fic, so cute together

-Black's Anatomy by @grasslesss greys anatomy fic, remus has lupus

-The Sickness Unto Death by oliverdalstonbrowning university au, remus has cystic fibrosis

-Of Bookshelves and Baby Carriers by @poppunkpadfoot bookshop au, sirius raising harry

-My Only Sunshine by Loua29xx: remus had cancer. Mcd

- Young Blood by viwrites @just--vi road trip au, jegulus main, remus has heart condition (I've been told the 2nd focus more on wolfstar, haven't gotten there yet)

-I Don't Care if My Heart Breaks by orphan_account: bookshop au, remus has cerebral palsy

-Be silent like deep water by @her-smile-forges-galaxies remus is deaf

-Give Me A Sign by@theresthesnitch soulmate fic, remus is deaf. Wip

-Kill Your Darlings by MesserMoon: @sophsicle jegulus main but remus is deaf. Hockey and University au

-Signs of Affection by KittyCargo: remus is deaf, teacher asl

-For the Love of Ducks by viwrites Remus has heart condition

-a lot of Lucigoo89 feature in some way. @lucigoo this is a great example- Finding my fate in the sensory room

-Sweets and Books by Writer_INFJ_2w1: bookshop au, chronic pain

- feel what its like to be new by peachyybabe: boarding school au, sirius is blind

-Rarer Than One in a Million by Sp00nhater wolfstar is so soft and sweet, meet in hospital

-one shot: Another New Potion? by depressed_and_nauseous

-wip: bite the hand by raggedypond: zombie apocalypse

-The Language of Flowers by B1ackCatChatsBack Remus has ra, flower shop

-Good Old Fashioned Lover Boys by Hell_Again: bakery au

-Casimir Pulaski Day by breadpoetssociety: cancer, mcd

-Forever Is a State of Mind by orphan_account (deaf remus)

-Living Like We're Renegades by orphan_account (hoh remus, university)

-Mile High by quidditery chronic pain

-this is not a temporary love (now my heart is in your hands) by littleoldrachel (pining, abandoned as far as I know, but worth it!!!)

-I Didn't Come Here to Party, I Only Came for the Cake by attheendoftheday gbbo Remus with fibromyalgia

-Six Feet Apart by Belle_Lestrange101 pandemic fic, Remus has hiv

-Beyond the Heartbeat by bizarrestars: ultimately a story about grief of regulus, with the middle soft wolfstar falling in love. Remus and illness is featured.

-Small Bones of Courage by Anonymous mcd, please read tags, sensitive topics. Later in life lycanthropy is terminal for remus.

-Fractured Skies by orphan_account coffee shop fic, Sirius is deaf, Remus has epilepsy

-as it was by peachyybabe A story about falling in love with a stranger in a bookstore and learning how to live again.

-An Infinte Ocean orphan_account: teddy has cf, Sirius is amputer

-Blind Werewolf McWolf by orphan_account Remus is blind

-Message from Seat 25A by PleaseDonateBlood 1 shot lupus

-if you were a waiting room. by beaniesandblackcoffee

-Time May Change Me by Kaymardsa lupus

-Underneath It All by Kaymardsa: seizures, texting fic

-i don't want to be your muse by yellowmarshmallow muggle asexual remus with chronic fatigue syndrome

-waiting room by haey1

-Remus lupins guide on how to (not) become a quidditch seeker by Girl_rotting

-Physiotherapy by @missmoonfrost Sirius helping remus see his body and therapy in another light

***all of my fics have disability or chronic illness rep two of my faves: silence between us (deaf remus + disability) and inevitable (cancer, mcd)**

These are prb widely known but...

-Highland Fling [+podfic] by @picascribitremus has lupus. They meet when Sirius is backpacking

-Text Talk by merlywhirls: Sirius is in boarding school, Remus is in hospital, and they don't know each other until Sirius texts the wrong number.

-Blends by rvltn909 coffee shop (sequel names goes into it a lot more)

-A Cup of Sugar by MsAlexWP: both harry and remus disabled

-Discards by picascribit read tags , sensitive subjects: remus has hiv

-A Wolf's Heart by mizdiz : meet in bookshop, remus has heart problems, mcd

-Problems with Narrative Structure and the Rules of Manly Engagement by @xinasvoice : get together fic, remus is an author has fibromyalgia

@just--vi did a tiktok video with these mentioned too that I forgot (give her some love)

-A Wolf, A Bear, A Dungeon Master, and Boy Wonder by ratmom819

-Forever is Definitely Punk Rock by orphan_account (lupus)

-Put Your Head on My Shoulder by jennandblit

-Sunshine on Leith by eyra

Spoons and Stars by Chlobliviate (Rec from glittery-grandma) chronic fatigue and pain, wolfstar in uni

Others who sent me recs:

With different eyes by Shadowmun: blind Sirius is a seer. (haven't read this but def it's on my list) Also check out ao3 or tumblr there are some others that aren't wolfstar @mundrakan

---feel free to check it my main rec list

I shall also direct you to some lists by the @wolfstarlibrarian I'm sure there is some in common but they also have more one shots that I unfortunately usually don't track for the most part (this is amazing account, and not mine, but give them lots of love)

Wolfstar + Chronic Pain, Wolfstar w/Disabilities, Deafness, & Blindness, Wolfstar Hospital AUs, Sick Fic Oneshots, Terminally/Chronically Ill Remus Fics

[sunflowervoltwentyeight]

Hello! This is a fic rec of my all-time favorite fics. These fics have really stuck with me over the years, and I've read many of them multiple times. This is an ongoing fic rec, that I will continue to update. These fics are organized by word count from longest to shortest. You can view my other fic recs here. Enjoy!

Of Mates and Men by bananaheathen / @bananaheathen (630k)

In which, Louis and Harry meet as best men for their best friends' wedding... well... sort of.

Or, the one where Harry's just moved back from New York and Louis doesn't believe in romance.

Or, I guess... the one where Zayn and Liam are getting married.

Hiding Place by orphan_account (365k)

Louis never wanted a soulmate, didn’t really care for the whole Bonding thing at all, really. Enter Harry Styles, who’s wanted to be Bonded for as long as he could remember. With one fateful meeting in an X Factor bathroom, Louis gets a dagger on his arm and the realization that just because Harry is his soulmate doesn’t mean it’s mutual.

From the X Factor house to Madison Square Garden, from the Fountain Studios stage to stadiums across the world, Louis has to learn to love without losing himself completely, because someday his best friend will Bond to someone and replace Louis as the center of his universe. Meanwhile, Harry begins to think that maybe fate doesn’t actually know what it’s doing after all, because his other half has clearly been right in front of him the whole time. All he has to do now is convince Louis to give them a chance.

Or, the canon compliant Harry and Louis love story from the very beginning, where the only difference is that the love between them is literally written on their skin, and there’s only so much they can hide.

You Can Hear It In The Silence by imogenelee / @imogenleefic (234k)

When Harry Styles was accepted into a post-grad degree, he knew he could no longer afford his flat, leaving him with three options: 1) Move back into student halls. 2) Become homeless. 3) Move in with his best (and only) friend, Niall, and three of Niall's other mates. He went with the third option. But it was a close race. Shame one of his roommates reminded him why he only has one friend. If there is one thing Louis Tomlinson can't stand, it's pretentious tossers, having grown up around enough of them. If there is one thing he can't live without, it would be his friends. So he was proper thrilled to move in with his best mates and a couple of other lads. That was until he discovered one of them was the archetype for a pretentious tosser.

In the interest of seeing out the twelve-month lease without killing each other, they both try (debatable) to get along despite believing they are opposite in almost every conceivable way, each having the communication skills of a cucumber, and secrets that have no business be kept secret.

One More Time Again by orphan_account (232k)

Harry looks down to where Louis is cradling his hand between his own. Louis' hands are slender, the bones delicate, the nails bitten short. The 2-8 on the backs of his fingers is gone, but the faded scar from a skateboarding mishap in Year 7 is still there.

Harry's hand is awkward, knobby-boned and naked, no rings, no tattoos. It's too big for his wrist and his wrist too big for his arm. Yet it still somehow fits in Louis' in the painfully perfect way it always did.

He blinks back the sting in his eyes.

On the morning of his second sold-out performance at Madison Square Garden, Harry wakes up to find that he's sixteen years old, on The X Factor, and that he has a chance to make things right.

A canon-compliant fix-it fic (sort of).

Stranger Stars by shaylea (212k)

Five years ago, Africa offered a grieving Louis Tomlinson an escape from an England he couldn't tolerate. Now it's become home as he leads overland tours across the continent with his best friend and driver Zayn Malik. What's meant to be just another ordinary six-week trip from Cape Town to Nairobi turns into anything but, when future lawyer/current photographer and songwriter Harry Styles and his friends join Louis' latest set of passengers.

Given A Chance by fabby / @fabby1d (173k)

Five years after One Direction took their last tour, the last thing Louis Tomlinson ever expected to happen while on a tea run at the local Piggly Wiggly was to run into his ex-boyfriend and ex-bandmate Harry Styles.

The odds of them ever running into each other again had to be super slim, right?

Wrong.

What happens when you mix ex-boyfriends with a large serving of Small Town America? Will Louis and Harry be able to set aside their differences, or will Louis be able to stay breezy as fuck in the wake of Harry’s arrival?

(or, the one where Louis and Harry run into each other five years after One Direction ends and learn how to love each other again. Featuring: Reggie as the overweight labrador, Niall as Louis’ last grip on reality, and Nowheresville, North Carolina as the setting for Louis’ worst nightmare to come true.)

The Wonderlands by stylinsoncity /  @aliensingucci (150k)

"Somewhere between chaos and control — these are the wonderlands."

Harry's daughter, Andy, is signed to Louis' girl band. Her path to success is marked by competition, chaos, and for Harry, a love affair.

As You Are by Zarah5 (139k)

AU. Five years after The X Factor launched his career as a radio host and songwriter, Louis Tomlinson returns as a judge. Falling for a contestant is the last thing he needs. It's also against his contract.

The only reason Harry auditions for The X Factor is because his best mate signed the two of them up as some kind of joke. Harry doesn't get the big deal—not until he's faced with this season's judges and realises that one of them used to be his desperate, impossible teenage crush.

Unbelievers by isthatyoularry / @isthatyoularry (136k)

It’s Louis’ senior year, and he’s dead set on doing it right. However, along with his pair of cleats, a healthy dose of sarcasm and his ridiculous best friend, he’s also got a complicated family, a terrifyingly uncertain future, and a mortal enemy making his life just that much worse. Mortal enemies “with benefits” was not exactly the plan.

Or: The one where Louis and Harry definitely aren’t friends, and football is everything.

Empty Skies  by green_feelings / @greenfeelings (134k)

For three years, Harry has been running from his past. Now, he is moving to London and pledges to fulfil his only dream – making it big in the music industry. Not everyone has a place, though, and the competition is tough. As is his past catching up on him.Louis is part of the biggest boy band of the world, and getting there had meant a lot of hard work, as well as sacrificing parts of his heart and soul. He’s still happy. Maybe not as happy as he could be, but who is he to complain?

Let's Fall in Love in a Place You Want to Stay by embro (134k)

A George of the Jungle / Tarzan AU where Louis is a model who meets Wild Man Harry in the Congo. He was raised by apes and barely speaks a word of English and turns Louis' life upside down.

Love Is A Rebellious Bird by 100percentsassy, Gloria_Andrews / @gloriaandrews (134k)

AU in which the boys still make music. Louis is the concertmaster of the London Symphony Orchestra, Harry is the New! and Exciting! interim conductor/ex-cello prodigy who "has made Mozart cool again" according to Esquire Magazine (Louis hates him immediately, which is definitely why he internet stalked him in his dark bedroom late at night that one time), and Niall is the best. Zayn and Liam are around too.

Don't hum Bolero.

Oxford AU Series by stylinsoncity / @aliensingucci (130k)

Come As You Are  (77k) “I think it could be like this all the time,” Harry says. “I know it doesn’t make sense but I think you should consider it. I could make you happy if you let me.” louis is a professor of literature at oxford and harry is his newest and most eager protege. both are caught in a story about forbidden love, loss and second chances, in which one is on the brink of heartbreak and the other comes along when he's needed most. Overwhelmingly You (47k) more reflections post-oxford. Notes on Oxford (5k) glimpses at life before, during and beyond oxford, in no particular order

Wild Love bypurpledaisy / @harrydaisy (130k)

“Good,” Julia says, clearly pleased to have them both uncomfortable and unable to look at each other. “Now, I only have one more question before you can go. What are you planning to do when this experiment ruins your friendship?”

“We said we’d stay friends no matter what,” Harry says smoothly, his chin lifting in defense.

“That was our one thing going into it,” Louis agrees. “Stay friends no matter what.”

Julia raises a perfectly manicured brow, “That’s all fine and good. But I hope you realize your emotions aren’t going to realize this is an experiment in the end. If one of you falls for the other and finds out those feelings are not reciprocated, you’re not going to be able to laugh it off as a social experiment. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do this, I’m just hoping you’ve considered all of the possible outcomes.”

- AU: Two best friends try to date each other for forty days. It’s supposed to be fun until emotions make it complicated.

After All These Years byLifeInAColorWheel (127k)

It’s been seven years since One Direction went on hiatus and it’s been eight years since Louis and Harry broke up. They’ve been strangers to one another since then.

But, over the course of a weeklong boys’ trip, history between Harry and Louis resurfaces.

Or,

The one when Louis and Harry don’t talk, connect again years later, and reflect on why their love collapsed.

Wild and Unruly by 100percentsassy, Gloria_Andrews / @gloriaandrews (123k)

Harry is a cowboy sitting on the biggest oil reservoir in Wyoming, and Louis is the paralegal assigned to pressure him into selling his land.

I'll Fly Away by juliusschmidt / @juliusschmidt (122k)

Harry and Louis grew up together in Lake County, Harry with his mom and stepdad in a tiny cottage on Edward’s Lake and Louis in his family’s farmhouse a few minutes down the road. But after high school, Louis stuck around and Harry did not; Harry went to Chicago where he found a boyfriend and couple of college degrees. Six years later, Harry ends up back in Edwardsville for the summer and he and Louis fall into old patterns and discover new ones.

ft. One Direction, the local boyband; Horan’s Bar and Grill; families, most especially children and babies; Officer Liam Payne; many local festivals and fireworks displays; and Anne Cox, PFLAG President.

Bitter Tangerine by purpledaisy / @daisyharry (119k)

Maybe it’s Niall, he reasons to calm his storming heart. Maybe he’s not actually gone for the holidays yet, maybe Harry got the dates confused. Slowly, he holds his breath and pushes the kitchen door open. The first thing he sees make him jump, a wooden spoon held out like a sword. Once his brain processes the sight in front of him, it’s less the sword that gets him than who is attached to the wooden spoon.

“Harry,” the swordsmen speaks before Harry can, his voice low and steady though confusion laces each word.

Harry’s breath catches. Every string around his heart, all the protection he spent nine months building, rips out and tears open all at once as he says, “Hi Louis.”

-

AU: Nine months after they break up, a twist of fate brings Harry and Louis back together at Christmas.

Never Be by cherrystreet / @cherrystreet (117k)

Monica: You've got to see her again.Ross: And why do you care so much?Monica: Because! You could get to live out my fantasy!Ross: You had fantasies about Emily?Monica: No! Y’know, the fantasy! Meet someone from a strange land, fall madly in love, and spend the rest of your lives together.  

The one where Harry Styles moves to Connecticut from England for nine months as a part of a study abroad program, and he just so happens to move in with Louis Tomlinson and family.

Burn to Ash by bethaboo (116k)

Harry is sitting there, so fucking casual, and Louis realizes in a split second he was not ready. When Harry walked out in Detroit and never looked back, he was a boy verging on a man, still only twenty years old, but there's a man in his place now. Hard and resolute, yes, but still, for the first time in a long time, Louis can kind of see the old Harry in him. The soft, directness of his gaze, the hesitant smile he gives to Lou, the way he wrings his ridiculously large hands in his lap.

He's a little bit the eager sixteen year old puppy dog again, his innocence and sweetness resurrected miraculously, and Louis freezes in place. He was prepared to face the asshole Harry. He was prepared to meet a whole new Harry.

Louis is not prepared to meet one of the old incarnations of Harry, and it absolutely tears him up.

Or the fic where Harry spirals out of control, the band breaks up, and then he shows back up, five years later.

Mine Would Be You by crinkle-eyed-boo / @crinkle-eyed-boo (114k)

Louis blinks his eyes open, his eyelids fluttering as the room swims around him. He takes several gulps of beer once he confirms that he’s definitely not hallucinating, that the very first portrait Harry Styles ever painted of him is hanging on that wall.

Louis stares at the wall, his heart jackrabbiting in his chest as he realizes that there’s not just one painting of him, there’s five, the portraits lined up like they’re some sort of storyboard depicting the rise and fall of his deepest love. His greatest heartache. A pain that cut him so deep that he left the fucking country, severing all ties with his life in New York, now suddenly surrounding him as if he’d never left.

Fucking shit motherfucker fuck.

Louis returns to New York City five years after he left it – and the love of his life – behind. He didn’t intend to see Harry again, but fate has a funny way of pulling them together, whether they like it or not. After making a begrudging truce, they both start to wonder: Would it be so bad if history repeated itself?

Tired Tired Sea by mediawhore / @mediawhorefics (113k)

As a B&B owner on the most remote of all the British Isles, Louis Tomlinson is used to spending the coldest half of the year in complete isolation, with his dog and the sea as sole companions. Until, one day, a mysterious stranger on a quest to rebuild himself rents a room for the winter.

Babydoll Blues by devilinmybrain / @thedevilinmybrain (111k)

Louis is a high profile, filthy rich label executive who has the world at his feet - a music god.. Harry is the sugar baby trying to make a name for himself singing in shady bars and hanging off the arm of Louis' biggest rival. What Louis wants, Louis gets. But what if the game gets too hot and hits a little too close to the heart?

To Haunt a Heart by etherealbliss / @givesuethemoon (110k)

A high-profile double homicide in the quiet, small town of Ashford, WA sends shockwaves through the public. Louis, the lead detective assigned to the case, is headstrong, earnest, and desperate to prove himself. Harry, the widow of one of the victims, is insufferably rich, wears far too many vintage dressing gowns, and is desperate to prove he’s not guilty.

Their desperation unexpectedly blossoms into something beautiful behind closed doors, amidst the ticking time bomb of a slowly unravelling mystery that the two soon find themselves deeply entwined in.

The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea by kingsofeverything / @kingsofeverything (103k)

Louis’ life is steady and calm, moored by his marriage, and tied to his hometown, but after a chance encounter with another man, it’ll never be the same.

Carnation, Lily, Lily, Rose by certainsadness (103k)

“There’s something so great about watching you interact with art,” Harry said quietly. “Like, when you were giving the tour, you were just so you, and so happy and excited and funny and engrossing. But then when you’re looking at the art, when it’s, like, just for you, you get so quiet and observant.” He pressed a kiss to Louis’s shoulder. “But you still seem so you, and so happy. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you as happy as you’ve been tonight.” He kissed his shoulder again. “As you are right now.” A shiver went up Louis’s back. “I’m happy when I’m with you,” he said.

Or, Louis loved art and Harry was a masterpiece.

Emperor's New Clothes by sunsetmog / @magicalrocketships (92K)

The fact that Louis’s most precious belonging was a cat with a face like thunder and an uncanny ability to cover every single inch of Louis’s clothing with cat hair was something that Louis chose not to think about too much.

or: Harry’s a pop star and Louis isn’t, and there’s a non-disclosure agreement where there used to be a relationship.

Behavioural Ecology by turtlekz / @turtlekz (81k)

Louis Tomlinson is a primatologist working with the Jane Goodall Institute for primate conservation; and Harry Styles is the photojournalist sent from National Geographic to write a piece promoting awareness about the endangered species. They meet, and love is never, ever simple, as we know.

Featuring Eli the chimpanzee, bickering humans, storytelling, and five men who come to gain an understanding of what it means to be human; all stationed in the Republic of the Congo.

Do Not Go Gentle by afirethatcannotdie / @afirethatcannotdie (70k)

“This is all a game to you, isn’t it? Well, it’s not for me. This is a real life or death situation,” Louis says, spitting the words at him. “And I just don’t think you’re cut out for it.”

For a moment, they stare at each other in complete silence. Harry can feel his blood thrumming between his ears, can see Louis glaring at him, feels red-hot anger. And then all he feels, oppressively and desperately, is lust.

Suddenly Louis is surging up to him to press his lips against Harry’s. Harry walks the two of them backwards, pressing Louis back against the door. Louis oomphs in surprise and brings his hands under Harry’s scrub top, scratching at his lower back.

“Lock — oh — lock the… fucking door,” Louis mutters.

When Harry Styles starts his first day as a surgical intern, he expects a lot of things: to treat patients, to observe a surgery, to feel a bit overwhelmed. What he definitely doesn't expect, however, is that the handsome guy he kicked out of his bed this morning is also an intern.

A Grey’s Anatomy AU where tensions are high, Harry and Louis are hooking up in secret, and no one has time for love. Or do they?

To the Ends of the Earth by stylinsoncity / @aliensingucci (68k)

During a yearlong hiatus, Louis visits Harry at his cabin in Idaho, where long-buried feelings ignite like the fire keeping them warm.

A Yuzu Grows in Brooklyn by stylinsoncity / @aliensingucci (66k)

Harry is a recent implant in new york and a young chef opening a restaurant called yuzu. louis, a music teacher and broadway lover, has been around the block for a while. in a city that's so fast-paced, they're slow to catch on to each other.

The Dark and the Dentist by sunshiner / @theprizeofcoolness (66k)

“I know this song,” Louis whispers, and Harry has to lean his ear toward him to pick up what he’s saying. “It was written for people to dance to it. We should be dancing.” We can’t, Harry almost spits, but it’d be stupid of him. Louis knows they can’t. Even if he looks like any regular Parisian in their twenties, and Harry looks like any hipster Parisian in their twenties, they can’t anyway. To be fair, they probably wouldn’t do it even if they were out. But if they were two uni students, both in Paris for an exchange, meeting over fallen books at the library, or because of mutual friends, or watching Monet’s Water Lilies? “How would we dance?” Harry murmurs, mouth almost pressed to Louis’ cheek, so close he can feel his warmth. What a picture they must make, two millionaires freezing in a park and dreaming of a different life.

An account of the events of November 2014. Canon-compliant.

Time Passed by coffinofachimera (66k)

Louis struggles with their relationship as Harry grows into his identity.

Outwit, Outplay, Outlast by dancesongsoul, lookatyourchoices (60k)

“Tommo and Harry are gonna do it. I don’t know when, but they’re gonna do it. They’ve got the mattress, the pillows, everything’s in place, and they’re gonna do it. I really wish those two the best of luck.” –Taylor Swift, "Chapera"

Or a Survivor All-Stars AU in which Harry and Louis are just in this game to win the million dollars, but they end up with something better.

Featuring Harry's yellow swim shorts, Louis in snapbacks, and OT5 shenanigans.

No One Does It Better by nodibs (49k)

Harry’s an alcoholic and Louis is a bartender. The first time they meet isn’t the first time they’ve met.

Sail Away With Me by star_henderson / @star-henderson (47k)

“It’s inhumane putting four blokes in one cabin.” Louis stripped off and climbed up into his top bunk. “And why did we get the smelliest twat on the whole ship and bore of the century?”

Harry shrugged. “We clearly pissed someone off along the way.”

Louis snorted softly. “Who do I have to bend over for to get us an upgrade?”

Harry barked out a laugh. “If only it were that simple.” He rolled his eyes wistfully at Louis.

“The only way I’m going to get a two berth is to throw Payno overboard and be next in line for the deputy cruise director's job.” Louis leaned up on one elbow to look over at Harry. “Would you help me weigh his body down so I don’t go to jail?”

“Only If I can share your cabin.” Harry shuffled about, tucking the duvet between his legs, sweeping his hair up into a bun and securing it in a band. “I’m not being an accessory to murder and then still having to share with them two, no fucking way.”

Or

Louis and Harry are part of the entertainment team on board a luxury cruise liner. They hate sharing their four berth cabin with two other guys and would do anything to get a cabin of their own. One drunken night the solution was simple. They'd just get married...

Be My Little Good Luck Charm by 100percentsassy (34k)

In which Harry is a promising amateur golfer making his debut at the PGA Championship, and Louis is a Sky Sports anchor who would really rather be commentating on footie.

The other boys are around too: caddy!Niall provides victory pints, Liam is Louis's Very Serious co-anchor, and poor Zayn just gets his face drawn on.

Have You Coming Back Again by whoknows (31k)

It’s five o’clock in the morning. Louis has a lecture at half eight. He could be using this time to study or to do his readings or to go to the gym, but - well. He doesn’t have any exams coming up, he’s not going to his seminar today anyway and he hates the gym.

Instead he’s using this time to fuck with Harry Styles’ poor little brain.

Louis jogs across the street and jabs the key into the car door. It opens easily, not that he was expecting anything else. He copied the key for a reason, after all.

He’s got Harry’s schedule memorized, more because the guy keeps following him around than anything, so he doesn’t bother looking around before climbing behind the wheel and setting his bag on the passenger seat. It’s a Monday, which means that Harry doesn’t even get out of bed before noon unless he’s planning on harassing Louis.

Loved By Your Mother by superglass / @gaymoustache (31k)

Harry stretches out like Venus with her lover, growing sleepy in the late afternoon light with a baby growing inside her. Perhaps not literally, not physically. Not exactly.

or

Harry struggles to come to terms with wanting to have children, and what that means for their relationship. Canon compliant, set a few years into the future

[flymetosnarryland]

A little progress.

I'm working on "Infraction." My precious baby, uh. This art is part of it in a way. Eileen Prince and Tobias Snape. When people are falling in love everything seems easy, but then life happen.

(I'd like to talk about how things are going with Infraction.)

I'm back on it since couple of weeks and working on it is intense (my brain is literally boiling). I don't think I ever planned a story for that long. The first idea has born 6th January this year. I was writing down (like crazy) everything I wanted to be in this fic. During first months it was chaotic and messy, but brought me so much joy. When I've had everything that (I thought) I needed, I wrote first chapters, yeah. And then shared them, because was so excited about all of it and just couldn't wait. Gosh.

Now I... hm... well, maybe not "regret" it, but I think, I totally should have wait. Why is that? First thing first, this story is not ready yet for being written in, you know, final version. It's too fat, lol.

I may want too much from it. There is a lot, like, seriously, A LOT of things to cover. First notes took me around 80 pages and it had many gaps in it (too much if you ask me). Things I needed to figure out and fill in, in the same time making everything work together. Because this Snarry is not sprinkled with crime. It's filled with murder, political shenanigans, family shiteshow and tough, not always appropriate, love. There are secrets and lies, blackmails and history that matter. Backstory of many people, whose actions over the years supposed to bring us to the point where we are now. And, you know, all of it gives me the thrill. First time in my life I feel like a true Puppet Master.

So, couple weeks ago I started to write a proper outline, if I can call it like that. To put everything in order and, going from the very beginning, to fill all the gaps. To answer all the questions I was asking myself in notes. To figure out the missing clues, some details without I couldn't go further and with that - to find out how characters will change facing new situations. How they will grow (I really love this part). Sometimes I think, "why am I even doing it?" I could just write some cosy, little fic where Harry and Severus' silly problems would be the main goal of the story. Like, focusing on them should be enough, right? Why am I going for all the other things, if I just want them to shag and have their happy end after all? 😂

Well, if it's not for fun, I don't know the other reason. The level of excitement is just incredible. I don't know, if what I'm writing is good or bad. If it really has sense, because I've always seen myself rather as a potato, not as a great mastermind who can plot some good shite, you know. That said, "Infraction" feels even more challenging that I ever thought it will be. But I feel deep inside that I can do it. Going step by step where the main plan leads and... it just feels good.

I've started in October 1989. Now I'm in January 2011. It means that I managed to finish everything that happen before the fic starts, lol. And, actually, I almost covered the first part of the book. So, two more to go? Hehe. It'll take time, yes. It's crazy how much I want to continue writing the main chapters, not only swim in the plan-phase. Drawing the series of "Muggle London" art helped me a lot with easing this itch. However, it's still there. I know, though, that I have to finish it. The whole outline, I mean. Without it, things can go south.

That said, I can't tell how long it will take. Couple weeks? Maybe months. This is really... a lot of work and I want to be proud of it. Even more so, because this fic means a lot to me. I know it may not be, you know, mind blowing or something. But I hope that giving it all my love, it could be, you know, not that bad for reading, hehe.

[deckofcookiez]

The Alex Kister Situation

Alright; I've been more of a lurker on here for awhile, but for months now--almost a year--I've been a massive fan of the Mandela Catalogue, and this fandom has been a major form of escapism and safety for me. So, I feel the need to say something about the current situation.

To start, I'm putting a link to the document with all of the information about what happened, as it's important to read it and learn about this whole situation in depth:

With that out of the way, I just wanted to share my own personal opinion; personally, Mandela Catalogue has legitimately become my special interest. I have pretty much obsessed over it ever since I first found it, and everything I've written or drawn since then has been to do with it. It's been very important to me, especially due to the community here on tumblr, as this fandom is probably the most supportive and open places on the internet I've found. I feel a lot more connected because of it, and it made me feel comfortable and safe.

I was in a bad mental space today, and when I found out about this, I had a pretty bad breakdown--some might call it an overreaction, but you don't know just how dependent my mental health had become on this series and fandom. (I will be working on avoiding this habit in the future, as it isn't healthy to depend so heavily on one interest)

After reading through the document, and just seeing so many opinions and contributions from others, I am almost certain that these allegations are true. But I always, always listen to all perspectives before making judgement, so I will not be going full "I hate Alex, he's a despicable person!!" before Alex gives his own point of view.

That being said, I do believe Alex has serious issues that he needs to get handled. I am hesitant to call this pedophilia, as from what I've gathered, he didn't seem to have active malicious intent towards minors(correct me if I missed something that said otherwise)--rather, I get the impression that Alex simply doesn't understand boundaries, and genuinely saw his fans as mutuals. He seems to be a person who's manipulative--whether intentionally or not--and his personal relationships, platonic, romantic, or sexual, turn very toxic because of this. So, trying to have personal relationships with fans, people who look up to him and see him in a very different light, results in inevitable toxicity as well.

I get the sense that Alex simply is a young person, struggling with mental health and gender dysphoria, who was thrust into extreme popularity very suddenly, and doesn't have the maturity level to handle it properly. Overall, I do not support him, if he continues to act like this--if he makes genuine, real efforts to deal with his mental health and his unhealthy behaviours, I would respect him for that. I wouldn't look at him quite the same, but as long as someone makes genuine efforts to better themself after doing something wrong, I appreciate and respect that, and may eventually give forgiveness. But, if he doesn't make those efforts, if he continues his patterns and refuses to try and get better, then that is on him and at that point I have lost any and all respect for him. At that point, you are not a good or reasonable person, in my eyes.

Regardless of how things go with Alex himself, though, I want to say...

You do not have to support a creator to enjoy their work!!

I am a huge fan of Danny Phantom, and that show's creator is a genuine piece of shit. Like, a truly despicable human being. That fandom successfully has, just... completely ripped the show and characters from their creator. They have cut him out entirely, nothing he says holds any impact or meaning to them and it hasn't for years. He's seriously fallen off. And it's still a fun, active fandom! The people in there are super neat!!

And, hell, look at the whole mess with J. K. Rowling!! She is an absolutely disgusting person. But so many people grew up with Harry Potter, and still like her stories, without actively supporting her--lots of creators turn out to be really awful people, but that doesn't mean that what they made is automatically awful as well. They still have some kind of creative ability, that happened to produce something that garnered a significant amount of attention.

We don't need Alex to still enjoy the concept, characters, and overall story he's created. We can still make fanworks, still appreciate what it is that drew us to the series in the first place.

Honestly, out of everything that the fallout of this would bring, I was most terrified of the fandom itself dying, as that is what truly matters the most to me. This place, these people are so important to me, and I am so scared of this community falling apart. I've already seen plenty of people stating that they will no longer be associating with TMC, and are just completely distancing themselves from it. It feels like things are already dying and disappearing and it really, really fucking hurts.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that... if that is your choice, if you truly do not want to associate with TMC anymore whatsoever, then I don't blame you for it. I understand if you can't look at the series the same way after this, and I respect that choice.

But you don't have to, if it still means anything to you. Fandoms are more than just their creators--they're the community that has been built around the work, and this community is possibly the best one I've ever been in. I don't want to see it die. So, just know, that you can still love this fandom, this story, these characters, without supporting Alex. You can still draw the characters, make OCs, write fanfiction, etc. He won't get money from that--only from directly watching his content or buying his merch.

Finally, I'd like to say to go support the victims. They didn't deserve this--no matter what Alex's intentions were. Please support them, and regardless of how this turns out, do not continue actively supporting Alex Kister. I am sure that, whatever his intentions were, he did still harm people and that is not okay.

Also, this is all just my own opinion, based on what I know; I was not in the discord, I don't have Twitter, I don't personally know anyone involved and I have not seen everything regarding the situation as a whole. I simply felt I should state my current opinion, as I'm seeing a lot of people freaking out and spiraling and just leaving the fandom entirely. I wanted to remind people that it's okay to still enjoy this fandom and be a part of it, without Alex. My opinion may change some with new information I find, but overall, I am of the opinion that Alex should not be supported, while the Mandela Catalogue itself can be separated from him and still be enjoyed and appreciated.

And, whatever happens... Adam Murray, Jonah Marshall and Thatcher Davis are officially honorary characters in my stash of little guys. If he's not fit to keep them then they will become my creative outlet instead (and others who love them, obviously). They're very special characters to me, I can't express just how many things I have written and drawn to do with them, and I refuse to give them up.

(another addition, regarding the apparent 'alter egos' Alex apparently had: Possibly consider DID? I know a lot of people with DID will often mistake it for other things, including simply being gender non-conforming, when in actuality they really have alters that just identify differently. Not diagnosing, I don't know enough about him to make any real claims--it was just a thought.)

[pebblysand]

Why’s fan fiction so bad these days.

hi anon! i can't tell if this is a dig at my fics, a dig at other people's fics, or just a standard observation. having said that, i typically don't answer asks that don't say hello/thank you/some sort of minimal human acknowledgement but i did find this an interesting question to raise, so.

i don't necessarily think fanfic is "bad" "these days". IMO, the ratio of good v. bad fic has been pretty much equal in most of the fandoms i've been in overtime. about 30-40% are so bad they're unreadable (i'm talking: awful grammar, terribly OOC, plot that makes no sense, etc.). about 50-60% are "a bit meh", meaning that if you're in a very small fandom where there is nothing else to read, you'll probably read them out of sheer content starvation, but they won't really give you anything of substance. if you're in a big fandom with loads of content, you'll probably pass on them. then, you have probably about 9% that are really good. this, to me, is the stuff you would recommend if you were building a rec list for others, which you believe everyone should read. and lastly, you have the top 1%. those are the fics that have taken your breath away, are imprinted in your brain forever, you've re-read them ad nauseam and have written love letters to the authors about.

i find this ratio pretty much invariable. it was the same when i was writing for Silk, for The Good Wife, and now for HP. it also seems to be the same per HP niche. to me, there's a top 10% of post-war fics, there's a top 10% of harmony fics, etc.

but the major thing to note here is that what is top 10% for me might not be top 10% for you. that's why you don't have everyone reading or reccing the same things, and that's the joy and the beauty of diversity of taste and opinion, as far as i'm concerned. it's why i disagree with your general assessment that "fanfic is bad" "these days". that's something you think - not necessarily something someone else would think, on the basis of the content published. to give you an example, in hinny circles, i see floreatcastellum and northumbrian recommended a lot. on tiktok, i see manacled recommended a lot. having skimmed through these works, they -- personally -- do not do anything for me. but that doesn't mean they're "bad" fics. i'm sure they're great fics. they are loved by many, many people. they're just not something i vibe with, and they're not in my top 10%. just like loads of people think my fics are not for them. and that's absolutely fine. as long as you don't come in screaming in all caps insulting authors whose works you don't vibe with, we can all very happily coexist.

having said that, i have to admit that as far as my taste goes, i'm currently building a massive Google Sheets rec list (yes, coming soon, i promise ^^). one of the things i'm tracking in this rec list is the date of publication/completion of the work. and from what i can see at this stage, the average date of publication of my top 10% works is 2016. which, i think, does also say something. while i do still find loads of fics published semi-recently that i like, i also do have to acknowledge the fact that if we're looking at my own personal taste... you're probably kind of right.

so, why is fanfiction so bad these days?

i think a large part of it is that my personal taste doesn't necessarily align with that of the wider public. i'm not on-trend, let's say. AUs are pretty much the gold standard now, and particularly what-if AUs (e.g. what if Harry was a Muggle? what if Ron was in Slytherin? what if Sirius survived? etc.) you see tonnes of these recommended on reddit/being published all the time. loads of people are also interested in more exploration of characters and niche ships i'm personally not interested in (marauders, death eaters, etc.) there is also a prominence of fluff (or low-stakes romantic angst), particularly in the hinny, dramione and drarry fandoms. it's escapism from canon (and possibly, escapism from the harsh reality of our world), that i just personally don't vibe with/am not looking for. we see this in original fiction as well, with the drive towards fantasy/romantasy in recent years, and more recently still, with "cosy" literature. i don't particularly enjoy these genres in original fiction either, so i think that's probably also why i don't particularly vibe with the fanfic in that same trend.

i also think, just overall, there is less content being published in the HP fandom in general. thus, proportionally, less fics people will vibe with. this is in part simply due to the age of the source material (this happens to TV shows a lot: once a series is over, people tend to gradually drop out of fandom). it's also, i believe, due to the fact that there was a boom of fandom involvement during covid (as people had nothing else to do), and that people have now gradually dropped back out. lastly, it is probably also due to the fact that a large portion of people who used to be in fandom have dropped out due to JKR's controversial opinions. all of these things combined means that there is less overall content, and thus less content you're going to like as an individual.

additionally, globally, many countries are currently experiencing a cost-of-living crisis. this matters because, as i always say, "fanfiction is a rich person's hobby". meaning that: if you're going to truly make an effort in writing, and truly get involved in fandom, you need to have time on your hands. time you won't have anymore if you're struggling, having to work multiple jobs to make ends meet. writing at a high level is a massive time suck and very few people, right now, can afford to spend hours upon hours producing free content. it's sad, but it's true. so, of course, that's inevitably going to drive good writers out of fandom. and, sadly, it will disproportionally impact good writers, because they will be the ones who will spend the most time on their craft. it's very quick to write shit fic with loads of grammatical mistakes, much harder/longer to write something high-quality. it also disproportionally impacts, of course, marginalised communities, who will then not produce the high-quality content that represents them.

lastly, i also think that one thing that demotivates writers at the moment, is an overall drop in community engagement. i was very reluctant to buy into this up until very recently because, tbh, i always get the ick when people try and argue that things were "better before" but i have to admit... i've been getting loads of comments/DMs lately from people telling me things like "i never typically comment on fanfic, but...[your fic is great]" or people coming out of the woodwork telling me they've been reading castles for years, without ever making contact before. and, not to criticise any of these people, because i truly cherish every single comment, and i understand people might feel very nervous engaging, but you have to admit that if So Many People do the same thing, you end up in a situation where many good writers get demotivated thinking no one is reading their fics because they're not getting any engagement. and, while yes, people should write for themselves first, it's easier said than done when you're just posting into the void.

so, yeah, idk, maybe instead of complaining, we should be looking at making writing conditions better for online writers and encourage more diversity in fandom. you're always going to have trends and writing styles that you more ore less vibe with, that's immutable, but creating the conditions for more voices to be able to participate is definitely a very large factor in that.

[euphoric-dramione]

manacled

tw: spoilers for manacled

this one will be long, so brace yourselves

I first read Manacled in 2020, and it must've been the third Dramione fanfic I ever read, so I was truly very impressed with how well written it was. It remained the best and my favorite fanfic up until I started rereading it recently, and I'm writing this rant because I just finished rereading Manacled for a third time and I have some thoughts.

Firstly, it's important to state that back in 2020 I was still a high-school student, I loved reading books, especially classic literature, but I had little understanding of why some pieces of literature become classics and others don't. I just liked reading, and just like many other people, I thought that fanfiction was bad because all I've ever known at that point was Wattpad. Manacled changed my opinion. It was the best thing I had ever read, but I was only nineteen.

Now I am twenty-three, I have a degree in English literature, and although it might mean nothing to some people, it proves to me that I can read and understand texts as well as view them critically - my degree gave me tools to approach things I read and see using critical thinking skills. I don't want to critique Manacled because I think that all fanfiction is a wonderful gift that writers give readers for free, asking nothing in return, and that is such a lovely concept, so please keep that in mind when you read and review fanfiction. My critique stems more from what Manacled tells about the way we read classic literature, books in general, and how we deal when we face dubious morality. There is a thin line between books and literature - sometimes that line doesn't even exist. All literature is books, but not all books are literature. Just like all books are texts, but not all texts are books. What is Manacled then?

I'm choosing to speak about Manacled because I think it does a very interesting thing. It is an intertext of two books - Harry Potter and The Handmaid's Tale. Both of them are books, only one of them is literature, however in Manacled they are treated the same.

The Handmaid's Tale is a gruesome novel about a dystopian world where fertile women are slaves to men, their ability to bare children used as a weapon to exploit them. As the author herself, Margaret Atwood, stated, everything depicted in this novel had in some place or some time actually happened to women.

Rape in The Handmaid's Tale is a way for men to demonstrate how much power they have over women, and how they use that power to humiliate and control every aspect of women's lives, especially their reproductive health. Manacled picks up the very carcass of the story of The Handmaid's Tale and inserts it into a dark AU Harry Potter universe where the second wizarding war with Voldemort still continues some years later. Whereas The Handmaid's Tale is a thought-provoking feminist masterpiece about women's struggles and the never-ending violence perpetuated within walls of patriarchy, Manacled focuses solely on one woman and one man. The woman being Hermione Granger who is forced to bear Draco Malfoy's child in order to get her memories back, so Voldemort could rule forever. Later on, we figure out that Hermione and Draco were actually in love, but war set them apart, and it's him Hermione tried to protect by erasing her own memory. Here lies the distinction. Not only does Manacled say nothing about feminism and how women's bodies become war battlefields for, most often, men. Not speaking up on something in the intertext is absolutely nothing wrong. But Manacled does something else, something that I now see so clearly upon rereading, and something which I can neither forgive nor forget. It romanticizes rape. You might say I'm being too callous saying that it romanticizes rape when it is simply depicting in, and I will explain why I chose the word romanticizes.

Although Manacled doesn't allow us to attribute good or bad traits to characters, it is still very clear that Hermione is the heroine in this story and Draco - the hero with antihero characteristics. How do we deal with the fact that our hero hurt our heroine? We look for excuses. Draco Malfoy rapes Hermione, and we're looking for excuses as to why he did it. Some excuses are these: he did it because he loved her, because if he hadn't raped her, Voldemort would've found out that they were hiding something, and then would've killed them both; he did it, but it hurt him even more than it hurt her (it is true that both the victim and the perpetrator might be equally traumatized by an event one caused and another had to suffer through, but it never excuses the perpetrator); and finally - he did it because he had no other choice. Side tangent, but if my loved one ever has to choose between murdering me or raping me, I hope they kill me. Murder me a million times before you rape me once, that will be a greater mercy. And I believe had Draco actually loved Hermione as much as he claimed, he would've murdered her before he laid a finger on her. Let's also have in mind that he rapes her not once, not twice, but over THIRTY times.

While The Handmaid's Tale tirelessly shows that rape is the worst thing that one person can do to another, Manacled, with all its horrifying depiction, claims the complete opposite. Draco Malfoy rapes Hermione Granger, and although he doesn't take pleasure in it, he still does it. We find excuses for it because he is a hero of the story in our eyes, the same way that we find excuses for our favorite famous men when we find out they committed atrocious acts especially against women. When we read Manacled, we are encouraged to believe that rape is sometimes unavoidable, which is the greatest lie of all, it is blasphemous. Because it's Draco Malfoy committing the rape, it seems that sometimes a person has no other choice but to rape another which is a complete antithesis to what Margaret Atwood, and many other modern feminist thinkers claim. Of course, we don't need feminst thinkers to tell us rape is bad, but we might need to think a little deeper to understand that it is never something one has to do.

Rape is always avoidable, never necessary. It is perhaps the only crime that is committed not for some particular reason, but solely because one person wants to hurt another. Murder, theft, these are the crimes that a criminal might commit because they're poor, because they're are being blackmailed, because it's self-defense, etc. However, rape is such a horrifying crime specifically because you can always choose not to do it, and specifically because it is so hard to recover from - rape victims suffer more extreme and longer-lasting cases of PTSD than victims of any other crime because rape is so horrible and death might be considered dignified compared to rape, not better, but more merciful than rape. Draco Malfoy might be a lot of things in Manacled, but one of them is a rapist, and there is simply no going on around it. If you can forgive him, I hope it's because of all the other fanfics you've read where he was good and kind, and not because here he had no other choice but to rape, because that is simply not true. He had a choice, many choices, to be exact. The choice is always there. The most important thing is what we choose.

This is in no way an attack on Manacled, it is not a review nor is it hatespeech - I thoroughly enjoyed this fanfic back when I read it the first time, and I do think it is incredibly well-written, and I am not comparing it to any other published works because that would be unfair. I believe the things I've talked about have more to do with what regular people who are not writers write and how regular readers who do not read classics all the time accept and discuss that work later on. Anyone could've written something romanticizing rape, and many people do it all the time, some even get published and make money off it, but not all people can write as well as the author of Manacled, and even less would be ready to give us their work to read for free. I purposely do not mention the pseudonym of the author because I am also not attacking them personally, simply pointing out what I've noticed. Thank you for reading all the way to the end.

[perhaps-sunlight]

Self-rec time! What are your favorite five fics that you've written and why? After replying to this ask, feel free pass on to five other writers to spread the love. 💗

Hi, thank you for the ask 💗 It's difficult to pick, not because I think all of my fics are amazing, but because writing takes a lot of effort so I only make time to write the ideas that I love. Right now, as a survival technique, my favorite fics are my three WIPs (one in each of my fandoms).

Focusing on my completed fics, in descending order:

5 -- In Your Image (Harry Potter, Tomarry):

It's rare for me to finish writing a fic and look back upon it with the feeling that I accomplished everything I intended from the outset. This is one of the exceptions. Aside from phrasing and word choices that can always be improved, I am satisfied with my Tomarry take on The Picture of Dorian Gray, and I'm especially proud of the climax and ending.

4 -- Inventing Paradoxes (Harry Potter, Tomarry)

This is a sentimental favorite. I came back to the Harry Potter fandom during the pandemic as a coping mechanism, so I wanted to write something lighthearted and happy (though one could argue I should've picked a different ship). With the Paradoxes series, I regained confidence in writing, a skill that had grown rusty, and I also got a lot of support from my readers, which made me feel like part of a community during a difficult period.

3 -- Perhaps Love (Digimon, Takari)

Another sentimental favorite: I first started planning / writing this fic when I was a teenager, upset with the non-canonical ending to my first ship. The heydays of the fandom have long past by the time I posted, but I was able to find readers who felt similarly disappointed and appreciated the ending that I provided. As with many of my stories, Perhaps was written around three pivotal scenes, and when I reread them years later, I can still appreciate the emotional impact that I was aiming for.

2 -- (never) let me go (Harry Potter, Tomarry)

I've always been and am still fascinated by the concept of death. As a teenager, I wanted to write a story where Harry struggles with the concept of immortality as the Master of Death because it means leaving his loved ones behind, but I didn't have the life experience to pull the story together. After discovering Tomarry, I reframed my original idea into a story about the acceptance of death: both from Harry, who doesn't want to lose someone he loves, and from Tom, who's afraid of moving on.

It's sort of a strange story, and I still find things I'd like to improve when I reread it. However, I was happy that it found readers who enjoyed its strangeness and super flattered that it was bound into a little book!

1 -- Once Upon a Fairy Tale (Digimon, Takari)

Like In Your Image, this is one of the few stories where I feel that I satisfactorily translated my complete vision to paper (and more). I enjoyed exploring how two characters can fall in love and yet still not be together, a theme that I revisit in other works, whether consciously or subconsciously. And when I reread the story, I can discern the hopes and dreams of a person who has yet to experience the ups and downs of real life, which fills me with bittersweet nostalgia for the innocence I once had.

Thanks for reading my rambling!

I'll tag @moonytear, @isalisewrites, and @kippipies (but no pressure at all!).