#but it makes me so sick. like oh weve done this before but we havent its so different now it might as well be brand new we arent those
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i love "for the first time" style imagines for fishhook because their whole entire thing is being three different people all at once so "first time" in my mind is the actual first time. the second first time. and then the actual second first time. this means nothing to you but to me its sickening
#I LOVE DOING THIS. i love it#but it makes me so sick. like oh weve done this before but we havent its so different now it might as well be brand new we arent those#people anymore. reinvent yourself again and come back home to someone who is reinventing himself
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today in reasons i feel shitty: my friend blew up on me on twitter bc i kept ASKING him if he wanted to play dnd with us bc hes a part of our group. i asked him if he could LAST WEDNESDAY and he has been giving me the run around since then. saying “i dont know yet” and “ill tell you when i do”. i tell him to let us know sunday at least, because the only days off he has are monday and tuesday. he says okay
sunday evening comes and he hasnt said shit so i ask him. hes drunk and i tell him we’ll talk tomorrow. monday i ask him if he can play tomorrow and he says hes “not sure and will need to ask if theyre playing mtg” so i say “okay”. he doesnt reply back all day. TODAY i ask him if he wants to play today or not and he says “i have to pick up a court summons” (not, “actually sorry i am playing mtg today”, not “i dont feel like playing, im sorry”). i sound suspicious but say “okay” and remind him we havent played in over a week AS IS. and he then GOES OFF ON ME for “guilt tripping him” and “making it an ~obligation~ he plays” and how i “stress him out by asking over and over again”. when i tell him he should have told me straight out he didnt want to play instead of just giving vague “maybe i dont know” answers he gets defensive even more and says “I DID” and when i say “no, you didnt, the only thing vaguely like that is you saying “im gonna be tired” on a question about your days off. thats not a yes or no answer and lots of us play while tired so why would i assume it was something else”
“WELL ITS NOT MY FAULT YOURE A BUNCH OF SADISTS WHO HAD TO TURN A FUN CASUAL GAME INTO A OBLIGATION WHERE YOU ALL ARE FORCED TO PLAY SICK OR TIRED! i cant even SAY i dont want to play because you all guilt trip me and get mad when i do.”
see, he doesnt say “sorry guys my next days off will be full and im not up to it.” and apologize for keeping us waiting or giving us the go ahead to play without him (WEVE HAD THIS DISCUSSION BEFORE and PURPOSEFULLY made the game so if he doesnt want to play he can leave whenever so long as its not in the middle of a fucking mission. okay. its not like we just sit there doing nothing but complain if he cant play). he waits until the DAY OF OUR GAME to tell is he purposefully made plans on game night, no he cant change them, no he was absolutely always forced to do them right now during game time, and then get pissy when we all complain because we dont even have time to plan around him and have cleared out our evening for nothing and our time is wasted.
he then keeps going on and on because apparently i was just supposed to know the words “im tired” and his vague answers like hes genuinely unsure about the state of tomorrow were him “actually” telling me he doesnt even want to play and i should have fucking caught on, he wanted to quit this game MONTHS ago. i was just supposed to know him being ‘busy’ was a ‘secret message’ that actually meant ‘just stop even asking me when i want to play a game and hang out with my friends! just stop inviting me in general! i dont like you or the game! its not fun and stresses me out and im LYING to you.” and we just all fucking ignore him and play without him and let him figure out we havent even been giving him the opportunity to join to play
which is so fucking. terrible. who would just assume “thats what you mean”???? like imagine if you WERENT doing this and actually were really busy and your friends just eventually stopped even inviting you to game night, only for you to check the group chat months later and find out they have been playing without you and having fun and didnt even bother inviting you to anything at all. you just find this out. and by the time you figure it out they might have done a lot stuff or played games YOU wanted to play and they arent going to go back and replay the stuff you missed bc they just assumed you were lying to their faces and it wouldnt matter anyways if you were there or not. how hurtful would that be? imagine if some of your friends did that to you, would you be HAPPY they did it???
keep in mind HE is the one who picked out the VERY NEXT MISSION WE”RE ABOUT TO DO so fucking sorry if we assumed “HEY HE PROBABLY WANTS TO PLAY IT. YKNOW THE MISSION HE FUCKING PICKED OUT. THE MISSION INVOLVING STUFF SPECIFICALLY FOR HIS CHARACTER” oh my fucking god.
now i dont know the state of our group bc he yelled at me more and said he quit and deleted all his tweets and our dm is miserable and put the game on hiatus for 2 fucking weeks. i feel miserable too bc my friend has been lying to me and called me a guilt tripper and manipulative for reminding him hes stringing along 5 other people by not being fucking honest with us and said its OUR PROBLEM he cant be honest even though we structured the game so he can take MONTH long breaks if he needs to just give us the heads up. i told him he could quit once we got more than 3 players bc do you know how annoying it is to do a full campaign w only 2 characters playing???? bc one of the three dropped out??? i told him to just fucking play until then and he could quit for real and he went “but i DO wanna play : ( im just stressed!”
well now ill just fucking believe every time he complains abt smth like “man i have to spend money on this thing” that means we’re just not hanging out like we planned. im not gonna ask him if hes actually going to the ren fest even tho the bed situation was taken care of bc i just assume now that he only brought up the bed to tell me hes not fucking going and to fuck off. im not making a costume for it either if my best friend doesnt go im just gonna stay home.
i cant read the fucking air and he knows this. hes known me forever. he knows im ignorant and dont ‘get’ stuff like “if someone keeps canceling plans that means they want you to leave them the fuck alone and stop even inviting them or talking to them”. he knows im probably autistic and struggle with ‘unsaid” social cues like that and he just STILL does this and calls ME terrible for not ‘getting it’ and ‘forcing him’ to yell at me. im rtired.
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Ali & Carly
Ali: alright? Carly: yea Ali: you want any water, pain killers? Carly: k to both Ali: can have my headphones too if you can deal with my music taste Carly: you could sing to me tho Ali: i've got the pipes, yeah but not sure anyone else wants me belting over the racket Carly: idc about them Ali: yeah Ali: one of us gotta get home with a spotless record, tho Carly: You can't get in trouble for being loud Carly: Leesha knows that Ali: she just leads a charmed life 🍀 Carly: or 🔮 Ali: Didn't need no crystal ball to see through your plans, soz babe Carly: who does Ali: got further than you had any right Ali: poor woodfield on bog watch 'til dubo now Carly: ha Carly: gave her something to do Carly: but nobodys trying it again like Ali: reckon you're right Ali: no one got that kinda deathwish Carly: trying to kill me w a stare tho Carly: she loves it Ali: hmm Ali: less sure on that Carly: i am Carly: try it tho bitch Carly: feel 🕱 Ali: got until we get back Ali: that's when the real shit begins Ali: what're you gonna do carls Carly: idk idc Carly: theyre gonna do what they want Carly: & not like my ma & da will throw a fit Ali: sure? Ali: shame Ali: hoping your Da would move Drew on Carly: im not 12 now babe Carly: & he isn't a beautiful romany lad Carly: my ma will like the look of him i kno Ali: you're 14 Ali: still got a few more years of compulsorary giving a shit about you left Carly: yea Carly: but its no big Ali: you could get expelled Carly: nah Carly: didnt go anything cuz leesha had to speak up about it Ali: you blame her Carly: nah but its facts Carly: nothing happened Ali: I don't think that's how they see it Carly: k but Carly: idc Carly: forget it Ali: k but HOW Carly: what? Carly: dont worry about it babe k Carly: im not trying to Ali: I know you're trying to avoid a freakout but Ali: fucking hell Ali: why Carly: why what? Carly: whats your problem? Ali: only the same as yours Ali: not enjoying the chaos around us or the chaos waiting at home Carly: nah Carly: but worry about your sister Carly: this is nothing Ali: no it isn't Carly: just chatter Carly: weve heard it all before Ali: you're a we now yeah Carly: ha Carly: everyone on this coach has heard it & said it is what i mean Carly: dont be jealous babe Ali: Why would I be jealous? Carly: im only playing Carly: i kno youre not Ali: Whatever Carly: dont be mad at me Carly: be fun Ali: not feeling it Carly: baby come on Carly: why tho Ali: you actually need to ask? Carly: yea Carly: i havent done anything wrong Ali: it ain't about right or wrong Ali: it's still a mess and i'm over it Ali: that's all Carly: k Carly: but ive been a mess since we met & you cba about that before Ali: i didn't say you Ali: the situation Carly: theres no situation Carly: only sex that didnt even happen Ali: forget about it Carly: nah Carly: say what you wanna say Ali: okay, the fact he's fucking ruined this entire trip Ali: Ro had to go home Ali: and Laoise is taking the opportunity to cyberbully her about it as if she's not already fucked up enough from it Ali: and he's not even a little bit sorry that he just wasted the last 3 months of her life with his bullshit Carly: None of that's my bad Carly: be mad at him not me Ali: I am Ali: but I'm mad at you for not giving enough of a shit to not get dragged down in his crap either Carly: hes not dragging me anywhere but the bathroom Ali: bullshit Carly: nah Carly: youre making it something else Carly: its not Ali: the whole bus is slagging on you Ali: half of them wanna fight you Ali: and that's cos of this Ali: its not debateable its facts Carly: and what Carly: when dont they Ali: there was no need Carly: yea there was Ali: no worthwhile one then whatever Carly: worthwhile to me Ali: i really hope so Carly: wouldve been like Ali: i don't need to hear Carly: k Carly: be like that Ali: yeah i will Carly: why do you wanna fight w me? Ali: i don't Ali: you got your priorities i got mine Carly: but youre a priority you kno Ali: its alright Ali: let's leave this drama behind Carly: how tho Carly: youre still gonna be mad Ali: yeah but that is what it is Ali: nothing's going to change Ali: we'll both deal Carly: but Ali: idk Ali: idk what we do, if you think of something lemme know Carly: im sorry Ali: me too Carly: tell me what to do Carly: i wanna make you feel better Ali: I dunno, Carls Ali: its all already done Ali: not just you, all of us Carly: lets do something else Carly: go somewhere else Carly: whatever you want Ali: Oh, that reminds me Ali: Tommy's back, he asked if you wanna go out Carly: is it k w you if i come? Ali: yeah Carly: nah its weird Ali: no it isn't Ali: i don't wanna not see you Ali: fuck that Ali: its just this trip and him Carly: i only did it cuz he said hed hook me up when we got back Carly: i dont want him Ali: its alright Ali: you don't have to explain to me Carly: its not Carly: alright isnt how we feel you kno Ali: as far as this trip goes Ali: i'll take it, babe Carly: i shouldnt have come on it Ali: nah, don't say that Ali: apart from this shit Ali: it was good, right? Carly: but this shit happened cuz im not good Carly: my heads wrecked Ali: no Ali: it didn't Ali: yeah, you went there too but so did Laoise and it coulda been any girl Carly: she didnt fuck him for a hit tho Carly: why i gotta do that Ali: that hit of revenge Ali: worse reason, to be honest Carly: yea Carly: she is the worst we kno Ali: you're not bad Carly: im not an angel like you babe Ali: yeah you is Ali: can't fool me Carly: you cant stop being nice to me Ali: and what bitch Carly: youre meant to be mad Ali: i'm sick of it Ali: its not getting us anywhere so Carly: where you wanna get to baby Ali: better Carly: we'll start tonight Carly: out w your brother Ali: yeah Ali: fucking ray of ☀ that he is Carly: ha Carly: maybe ill find a nice girl at the club tho Carly: then youll be happy Ali: i don't wanna be that bitch about it Ali: just drew, babe, c'mon 😝 Ali: please tell me i ain't that bitch Carly: ha Carly: hes no worse than ronan tho Carly: to your sister k but not to me Ali: yeah and thinking 'bout how hard Ronan sucks made you cry the other day so Ali: 👀 Carly: dont Carly: he took your vs its so sad Carly: i wouldnt let goldie take mine nah Ali: I dunno what the fuck I was thinking Carly: youre too good Carly: you think everyone is Carly: 👼 Ali: nah Ali: I mean, he ain't the 😈 but he was bad enough for my purposes Ali: my stupid ass 🙄 Carly: nah you're too smart Carly: you knew what you were doing like Carly: been there had that fight w my ma Ali: the flashbacks not needed Ali: still got that 📢 in my ear Ali: though, probably gonna lay off a bit now Drew's showed Caleb up for the good boy he is Ali: awks Carly: its my turn Carly: thanks for turning up ma & da turn into his drama Carly: then turn away cuz nothing to see Ali: yours back home rn? Carly: nah but im sure theyll get the summons if the teachers kick off loud enough Ali: shit Ali: they gonna kill ya? Carly: theyll only be mad if their hol gets cut short but like they can go again when the teachers have had a word Carly: dont need a babysitter Ali: yeah, soz we can't come back we got free drinks here 'til next week so Carly: you kno Carly: gotta draw straws for which one shows up & who gets to keep the party going Ali: 1000 on ur dad showing up then Carly: yea Carly: plot twist my nan rocks up like it hasnt been years Carly: carly who bitch Ali: bitch same Ali: missing nan gang Ali: conspiracy, like Carly: i kno where she is but she not trying to kno us Carly: family fights like Carly: boring Ali: gurl, so much in common Ali: let tommo regale you with the fuckery Ali: other peeps drama always be more fun Ali: WELL Carly: hes such a gossipy bitch Carly: ill tell him about all this so he can have fun w Ali: beat u to the reveal honey but Ali: always more scandal I probably saved him from Carly: you been chatting about me Carly: aw Ali: yeah Ali: keep my slagging on the downlow Ali: wise up lads Carly: its k cuz youre creative Carly: its all slut, slag and whore w them Ali: truly Ali: switch it up Carly: drew did skank and he was wasted so its not hard Ali: 🤢 Ali: anything drew is capable of is basal Carly: wtf does that mean tho Carly: he calls me a bitch a lot like boy thats mine and my girl's thing k bye Ali: he talks a lotta shit for such a lil bitch boy himself Ali: yeah, back off Ali: ur not part of the gang Carly: he wants to be on you so bad that id feel bad but cant cuz yea hes a prick Ali: i can't Ali: why bitch Ali: like, i'm nice the rest of the time but like, no nicer to him than any other acquaintance Ali: and rn its clear i lowkey hate Carly: cos youre you Carly: who wouldnt want that Ali: 😽 Ali: always out here hyping me up boo Carly: yea i love you Ali: i love you too bitch Carly: serious tho Carly: im sorry Carly: i hate it when youre mad at me Ali: i swear i was never mad at you Ali: who could be mad at that lil face Ali: right teachers? 🤞 Carly: ha Carly: well they saw me making a seduction face like Carly: my bad Ali: don't act like you didn't love that too lads Carly: you kno Carly: youve seen it its good Ali: willing to write that review Carly: aww Carly: so sweet Carly: id give you top marks too baby Ali: you better 😒 Ali: don't be lying to me or yourself baby 😏 Carly: ha Carly: nah youre the best Carly: no lie Ali: 😳 Carly: so cute Ali: just trying make me have a huge head to drag my cute down Carly: nah you earned those props from me Carly: put a lot of work in Ali: no slacker 💪 Carly: facts Carly: lot of fun Ali: funsized Ali: that's my secret Carly: aw Carly: but were the same size tho Ali: exactly Ali: team pocket rocket Ali: get out giant boys Carly: your boy gotta stay cuz hes not i see you bitch Ali: 😎 Ali: you said yourself, i'm too smart Carly: 🖕 Ali: how tall is my brother Ali: forgot Ali: kick him out of his own partay how rude Carly: shit Carly: sorry boy Ali: can walk on his knees if he wanna hang Carly: or hands Carly: wtf would that make a difference nah Ali: nah babe Ali: that perfect form Ali: twat 😒😂 Carly: im too sober to have thoughts Carly: no scholarship to a fancy school for me Ali: don't be fooled, he only there 'cos he can twerk good 💅 Ali: #bitchmetoothefuck Carly: fuck why you worried about me getting expelled from here if thats what it takes to go there Carly: i got this Ali: you just gon leave me like that Ali: 😞 ok Carly: nah Carly: come w me baby Ali: running away to london Ali: heard worse plans Carly: you kno Carly: be fun Carly: we always have a good time running off together Ali: no lie Ali: maybe we can crash when he goes back early to get settled 'cos he's dramatic like that Ali: lots of fit boys, can't all be gay Carly: are they allowed to fuck Carly: or is it like footballers and shit Ali: Ooh Ali: we'll have to ask Ali: good pickup line, babe Carly: i'll ask your brother if hes getting any Ali: he'll die of embarrassment 💀 Carly: aw Carly: is he a virgin serious Ali: I think so Ali: he won't say obvs, withholding that ☕ so shady Carly: i'll ask Carly: find him a cutie to do the honors Ali: 🙈 Ali: he was feeling sorry for you but he gon' wanna square up now too Carly: yea? Carly: i need the practice if i gotta fight leesha again Ali: 😒 she better stay tf away if she knows what's good Ali: still, he used to being target practice Ali: he quick tho Carly: teach me those ballerina girl moves Carly: never went as a kid Ali: aww baby Ali: i did for the hottest of secs but Carly: bet your ma has pics im hitting her up Ali: yeah, she loves pissing herself @ me, the cow Ali: you can join now, or yoga with me, your fave 😉 Carly: nah Carly: got enough teachers on my case Carly: & bitchy girls Ali: 😱 Ali: i ain't that bad, rude Carly: never you my baby Carly: youre the only one who isnt Ali: bus full of bitches Ali: sounds like a song marlene would write Carly: pitch it to her Carly: or find her in the club Ali: maybe Ali: idk if she's got a girl rn Ali: we shall see Carly: me & her Carly: weird Carly: i'll ask her if shes feeling it Ali: oh lord Ali: can't play with her like a boy tho Ali: wifey'd up before you know it Carly: nah she scares me Carly: im a good wife tho Ali: you is Ali: but you wanna be? Carly: what? Ali: you don't wanna be no wifey Carly: not hers Ali: as long as not his either then we good Carly: ha Ali: 👀 Carly: what you saying w those beautiful eyes boo Ali: i see u and ur lack of a response is what i'm sayin Ali: honeyyyy Carly: dont Carly: i said about him before thats it Ali: i'm just playing Carly: dont Carly: he thinks it too Carly: such a prick Ali: i'm soz baby Ali: he thinks everyone loves him as much as he does Carly: yea Carly: i need to find a new dealer Ali: honey, in this town? done is done Ali: find one tonight Carly: so smart
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Just solve the problem!
While the contractors were working to replace the siding on our new home last summer, they discovered a termite infestation outside the bathroom.
Further investigation revealed that the floor under the tub was not only wet and damp, but had actually completely rotted. So, we hired somebody to repair the damage. On the first day he was here, I went into the bathroom barefoot. Oops. I stepped on a shard of glass tile. That splinter was stuck in my foot for weeks. At first, it didnt really affect normal activity. If I wore sneakers and socks, I barely felt it. But if I wore sandals, I got a sharp stabbing pain in the side of my left foot. If I tried to run, the same thing happened. And forget about going to the gym! Now, the obvious response here is, Why didnt you remove the sliver from your foot? Great question! On the very first night, Kim did try to remove the sliver, and we thought she got it. But the next morning when I took Tally for a walk, I realized the sliver was still there. But I didnt do anything about it. I lived with it for weeks, a constant source of low-grade irritation. This, my friends, is a perfect example of a couple of things. First, its my familys mentality in action. For some stupid stupid reason, we Roths dont like dealing with medical issues. When were sick, we suffer for days (or weeks) before going to a doctor. When were hurt, we just suck it up. When I was young, my mother sprained her ankle. She limped around for months before seeking medical attention. In college, I broke a finger playing touch football over Thanksgiving. I dealt with the intense pain until Christmas break, at which time I finally decided to see a doctor.Second, this a perfect example of putting up with a problem instead of finding a solution. Most people myself included are willing to tolerate a great deal of dissatisfaction and discomfort before deciding to remedy whatever is wrong in their lives. Im not sure why this is the case, but its true. With the glass shard in my foot, most of the time I barely noticed. But sometimes the pain was especially bad. I remember one morning while walking the dog, it felt like somebody was stabbing me with a needle. I just need to solve the problem, I thought to myself and that reminded me of some wise advice I once received. Just Solve the Problem About a decade ago, I worked with a life coach. Each week, wed have an hour-long phone conversation about the ways I was trying to become a better person. I made great progress in some areas, but little progress in others. One day, we were talking about my inability to eat a healthy breakfast. Ive always been the sort of guy who knows he should eat a nutritious breakfast but doesnt actually do so. My coach had been encouraging me to make this a habit in my life, but I kept complaining about all the reasons it wasnt possible. Eventually, shed had enough. J.D., youre being ridiculous, my coach said, exasperated. This isnt rocket science. Millions of people eat a healthy breakfast every day. You can too. You need to stop making excuses. You need to identify the problem and solve the problem. Just solve the problem! This advice hit me hard: Just solve the problem. Obvious, I know, but that doesnt mean its not powerful. I began to recognize that, in so many ways, I deliberately lived in the problem instead of living in the solution. I realized that maybe I could fix the things that were broken in my life if Id only take the time to do so. (After all, Id already made the resolution to become a money boss and that had worked wonders with my financial situation!) With breakfast, for instance, the solution was to make it easy to have healthy choices. For me, that meant stocking the fridge with egg whites and chicken sausage. It meant learning to like yogurt. It also meant giving myself permission to spend a little extra on pre-packaged fruit and not kidding breakfast steaks. (I was eating paleo at the time, so a piece of filet mignon was perfectly acceptableif somewhat expensive.) Related reading: A few months ago, there was a thread on Reddit discussing why people choose long-term inconvenience over short-term inconvenience: I just spent at least 10 minutes undoing several screws using the end of a butter knife that was already in the same room, rather than go upstairs and get a proper screw driver for the job that would have made the job a lot easier and quicker. And I spent weeks limping around with a sliver in my foot rather than have Kim spend five minutes taking it out. How Do You Solve the Problem? Just solve the problem is terrific advice that can be applied to all aspects of life. For almost a decade now, its been a mantra of mine. Admittedly, its a mantra that I sometimes forget to repeat to myself. But when I do remember to heed these words, they help me get a hell of a lot done. But just how do you go about solving the problems in your life? I believe theres a six-step process that you can use to tackle the things youve been neglecting for too long: Recognize a problem exists. You need to be conscious that a problem is present before you can figure out what that problem is. Sometimes this is easier said than done. Its easy to get complacent, to just accept that this is the way things are. For instance, you might be unhappy with your financial situation; you might realize that something with the way youre handling money isnt working.Identify the problem. After youve recognized that things arent right, ask yourself why. What is the specific problem thats leading to your unhappiness? Is there more than one problem? Using the previous example, once youve realized you need to do something different with your dollars, you might find that debt is dragging you down.Diagnose the source of the problem. Next, try to figure out why your problem exists. How did it start? Why does it continue? Why does it make you unhappy? With our financial example, youd quickly discover that your debt exists because you spend more than you earn. But why do you spend more than you earn? When did you start doing this? Why do you continue to do so?Brainstorm solutions. Now that youve identified the problem (and its source), its time to figure out how to fix things. This is the fun part. Come up with a list of ways you can overcome the problem thats been holding you back. To get out of debt, for instance, you might take a two-pronged approach: boost your income by taking a second job while also cutting back temporarily on some non-essentials.Formulate a plan. Once youve come up with a solution to your problem, make a plan to turn these dreams into reality. How specifically are you going to implement your solution? What steps can you take today and tomorrow to solve the problem? If youre trying to trim your budget, you might draft a prioritized list of places you can cut your spending. Then you can write down concrete steps to take toward each of these goals.Take action. The last step is the most important. To solve any problem, you must take action. It doesnt do any good to identify the problem, to brainstorm solutions, and to formulate a plan if youre not going to do the work necessary to make things right. Youll never get out of debt if all you do is tell yourself you ought to spend less. You must truly spend less in order to eliminate the problem. Heres one way Im currently using this just solve the problem methodology in my own life. As you may recall, Kim and I both packed on the pounds during our 15-month trip around the U.S. Weve been home nearly two years now, but we havent lost any weight. Were both aware that a problem exists: Were uncomfortable with how we feel. Why are we fat? Why arent we fit? Whats the source of the problem? Well, alcohol is a big culprit. We drink far too much beer and wine. In fact, Id go so far as to say that all the extra weight that each of us is carrying comes from booze. The lack of fitness, however, is because we got out of the habit of exercising. When we first met, we both went to the gym five times a week. Thats dropped to zero times a week. Yikes. So, how can we solve the problem(s)? First, we can drink less. Second, we can choose healthier foods. (Our diets arent terrible, but they arent great either.) Third, we can look for ways to make exercise happen instead of coming up with reasons that it cant. Now that we have some solutions, we can develop a plan to put them into action. Kim recently spent a couple of weeks doing a medically-supervised water fast to reset her system. When I return from this road trip, Im going to make fitness my top priority. (Sorry, GRS. Youll drop to number two.) Im going to return to my trusty paleo-ish diet, commit to cycling every day, and do what I can to avoid alcohol. The Bottom Line I have a terrible tendency to overthink things. I make them more complicated than they have to be. That was certainly the case back when my life coach was trying to teach me how to eat a healthy breakfast. I mean, how hard is it to pull a yogurt from the fridge? I get frustrated when people come up with reasons that something cant be done instead of thinking of ways it can be done. Yet Im guilty of the same thing when I fall into the trap of overthinking the problems in my life. Taking my foot as an example, I used all of the following as reasons not to remove the sliver: Oh, the contractors are still here. We should wait until they leave before we remove the splinter. (But, of course, by the time theyd left Id forgotten about it.)Oh, my feet are dirty right now. We should wait until Ive had a chance to clean them.Oh, Kim just got home from work. I should give her a chance to rest before I ask her to remove the splinter. (But, of course, Id forget to ask her to help me later.)Oh, were about to leave. Itd be inconvenient to take the time to get the splinter out now. We should do it when we get home.Oh, Im tired. We should just go to bed. We can always remove the splinter in the morning. Looking back, its clear to me that these were lame excuses. Id come up with reasons not to remove the sliver of glass instead of looking for an opportunity to get it done. Eventually, I recognized how foolish I was being. Kim and I sat down one night and she spent 45 minutes searching for the splinter in my foot. And you know what? As soon as she pulled it out, everything felt so much better. Hard to believe such a tiny splinter could cause so much pain. And hard to believe Im so stubborn and stupid that Id live with that pain for a couple of weeks instead of simply solving the problem.
https://www.getrichslowly.org/solve-the-problem/
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Just solve the problem!
While the contractors were working to replace the siding on our new home last summer, they discovered a termite infestation outside the bathroom.
Further investigation revealed that the floor under the tub was not only wet and damp, but had actually completely rotted. So, we hired somebody to repair the damage. On the first day he was here, I went into the bathroom barefoot. Oops. I stepped on a shard of glass tile. That splinter was stuck in my foot for weeks. At first, it didnt really affect normal activity. If I wore sneakers and socks, I barely felt it. But if I wore sandals, I got a sharp stabbing pain in the side of my left foot. If I tried to run, the same thing happened. And forget about going to the gym! Now, the obvious response here is, Why didnt you remove the sliver from your foot? Great question! On the very first night, Kim did try to remove the sliver, and we thought she got it. But the next morning when I took Tally for a walk, I realized the sliver was still there. But I didnt do anything about it. I lived with it for weeks, a constant source of low-grade irritation. This, my friends, is a perfect example of a couple of things. First, its my familys mentality in action. For some stupid stupid reason, we Roths dont like dealing with medical issues. When were sick, we suffer for days (or weeks) before going to a doctor. When were hurt, we just suck it up. When I was young, my mother sprained her ankle. She limped around for months before seeking medical attention. In college, I broke a finger playing touch football over Thanksgiving. I dealt with the intense pain until Christmas break, at which time I finally decided to see a doctor.Second, this a perfect example of putting up with a problem instead of finding a solution. Most people myself included are willing to tolerate a great deal of dissatisfaction and discomfort before deciding to remedy whatever is wrong in their lives. Im not sure why this is the case, but its true. With the glass shard in my foot, most of the time I barely noticed. But sometimes the pain was especially bad. I remember one morning while walking the dog, it felt like somebody was stabbing me with a needle. I just need to solve the problem, I thought to myself and that reminded me of some wise advice I once received. Just Solve the Problem About a decade ago, I worked with a life coach. Each week, wed have an hour-long phone conversation about the ways I was trying to become a better person. I made great progress in some areas, but little progress in others. One day, we were talking about my inability to eat a healthy breakfast. Ive always been the sort of guy who knows he should eat a nutritious breakfast but doesnt actually do so. My coach had been encouraging me to make this a habit in my life, but I kept complaining about all the reasons it wasnt possible. Eventually, shed had enough. J.D., youre being ridiculous, my coach said, exasperated. This isnt rocket science. Millions of people eat a healthy breakfast every day. You can too. You need to stop making excuses. You need to identify the problem and solve the problem. Just solve the problem! This advice hit me hard: Just solve the problem. Obvious, I know, but that doesnt mean its not powerful. I began to recognize that, in so many ways, I deliberately lived in the problem instead of living in the solution. I realized that maybe I could fix the things that were broken in my life if Id only take the time to do so. (After all, Id already made the resolution to become a money boss and that had worked wonders with my financial situation!) With breakfast, for instance, the solution was to make it easy to have healthy choices. For me, that meant stocking the fridge with egg whites and chicken sausage. It meant learning to like yogurt. It also meant giving myself permission to spend a little extra on pre-packaged fruit and not kidding breakfast steaks. (I was eating paleo at the time, so a piece of filet mignon was perfectly acceptableif somewhat expensive.) Related reading: A few months ago, there was a thread on Reddit discussing why people choose long-term inconvenience over short-term inconvenience: I just spent at least 10 minutes undoing several screws using the end of a butter knife that was already in the same room, rather than go upstairs and get a proper screw driver for the job that would have made the job a lot easier and quicker. And I spent weeks limping around with a sliver in my foot rather than have Kim spend five minutes taking it out. How Do You Solve the Problem? Just solve the problem is terrific advice that can be applied to all aspects of life. For almost a decade now, its been a mantra of mine. Admittedly, its a mantra that I sometimes forget to repeat to myself. But when I do remember to heed these words, they help me get a hell of a lot done. But just how do you go about solving the problems in your life? I believe theres a six-step process that you can use to tackle the things youve been neglecting for too long: Recognize a problem exists. You need to be conscious that a problem is present before you can figure out what that problem is. Sometimes this is easier said than done. Its easy to get complacent, to just accept that this is the way things are. For instance, you might be unhappy with your financial situation; you might realize that something with the way youre handling money isnt working.Identify the problem. After youve recognized that things arent right, ask yourself why. What is the specific problem thats leading to your unhappiness? Is there more than one problem? Using the previous example, once youve realized you need to do something different with your dollars, you might find that debt is dragging you down.Diagnose the source of the problem. Next, try to figure out why your problem exists. How did it start? Why does it continue? Why does it make you unhappy? With our financial example, youd quickly discover that your debt exists because you spend more than you earn. But why do you spend more than you earn? When did you start doing this? Why do you continue to do so?Brainstorm solutions. Now that youve identified the problem (and its source), its time to figure out how to fix things. This is the fun part. Come up with a list of ways you can overcome the problem thats been holding you back. To get out of debt, for instance, you might take a two-pronged approach: boost your income by taking a second job while also cutting back temporarily on some non-essentials.Formulate a plan. Once youve come up with a solution to your problem, make a plan to turn these dreams into reality. How specifically are you going to implement your solution? What steps can you take today and tomorrow to solve the problem? If youre trying to trim your budget, you might draft a prioritized list of places you can cut your spending. Then you can write down concrete steps to take toward each of these goals.Take action. The last step is the most important. To solve any problem, you must take action. It doesnt do any good to identify the problem, to brainstorm solutions, and to formulate a plan if youre not going to do the work necessary to make things right. Youll never get out of debt if all you do is tell yourself you ought to spend less. You must truly spend less in order to eliminate the problem. Heres one way Im currently using this just solve the problem methodology in my own life. As you may recall, Kim and I both packed on the pounds during our 15-month trip around the U.S. Weve been home nearly two years now, but we havent lost any weight. Were both aware that a problem exists: Were uncomfortable with how we feel. Why are we fat? Why arent we fit? Whats the source of the problem? Well, alcohol is a big culprit. We drink far too much beer and wine. In fact, Id go so far as to say that all the extra weight that each of us is carrying comes from booze. The lack of fitness, however, is because we got out of the habit of exercising. When we first met, we both went to the gym five times a week. Thats dropped to zero times a week. Yikes. So, how can we solve the problem(s)? First, we can drink less. Second, we can choose healthier foods. (Our diets arent terrible, but they arent great either.) Third, we can look for ways to make exercise happen instead of coming up with reasons that it cant. Now that we have some solutions, we can develop a plan to put them into action. Kim recently spent a couple of weeks doing a medically-supervised water fast to reset her system. When I return from this road trip, Im going to make fitness my top priority. (Sorry, GRS. Youll drop to number two.) Im going to return to my trusty paleo-ish diet, commit to cycling every day, and do what I can to avoid alcohol. The Bottom Line I have a terrible tendency to overthink things. I make them more complicated than they have to be. That was certainly the case back when my life coach was trying to teach me how to eat a healthy breakfast. I mean, how hard is it to pull a yogurt from the fridge? I get frustrated when people come up with reasons that something cant be done instead of thinking of ways it can be done. Yet Im guilty of the same thing when I fall into the trap of overthinking the problems in my life. Taking my foot as an example, I used all of the following as reasons not to remove the sliver: Oh, the contractors are still here. We should wait until they leave before we remove the splinter. (But, of course, by the time theyd left Id forgotten about it.)Oh, my feet are dirty right now. We should wait until Ive had a chance to clean them.Oh, Kim just got home from work. I should give her a chance to rest before I ask her to remove the splinter. (But, of course, Id forget to ask her to help me later.)Oh, were about to leave. Itd be inconvenient to take the time to get the splinter out now. We should do it when we get home.Oh, Im tired. We should just go to bed. We can always remove the splinter in the morning. Looking back, its clear to me that these were lame excuses. Id come up with reasons not to remove the sliver of glass instead of looking for an opportunity to get it done. Eventually, I recognized how foolish I was being. Kim and I sat down one night and she spent 45 minutes searching for the splinter in my foot. And you know what? As soon as she pulled it out, everything felt so much better. Hard to believe such a tiny splinter could cause so much pain. And hard to believe Im so stubborn and stupid that Id live with that pain for a couple of weeks instead of simply solving the problem.
https://www.getrichslowly.org/solve-the-problem/
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