#but it made me so much more scared....
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#myself#vent post be careful#I really thought I was over thr car crash like I can drive without problem (more or less but I was careful even before it)#and I so genuinely thought I had gotten over it#but then when roaming trough my phone gallery today I found the pictures of my damaged car and now I keep thinking about it.....#like what would have been if I hadn't been it that lane would everything have been ok and my dad would have just complained about the cops?#and what would have happened if I had been going faster and they went straight into the drivers side??#would I still be here???#I don't know and I don't wanna imagine#but it made me so much more scared....#and we were at the lawyer's office today to get them some of our things and the lady at the front desk told me about how she has been a bit#scared ever since she got into a car crash which made me feel a bit better like even 20+ years later she's still not fully over it...#which means I'm not overreacting#but like I'm seconds away from tears why does this only ever happen in the middle of the night????#I'm so scared not even about me but about my parents and my brother like what would I do without them???#honestly that whole thing changed my perspective of car crashes like in normal traffic but also in sports and stuff...#I hate it here. why always us? why always my dad and me??#I'm so glad I wasn't alone in that car but I also just wished he wouldn't have had to go trough that...
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I'll give them shelter like you've done for me
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#megumi fushiguro#yuji itadori#itafushi#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#jjk art#fushiguro tsumiki#took all afternoon but we wrangled the colours in2 submission#it was looking very green and kind of muddy#so i toned down the saturation in a bunch of places pulled in a lot more grey#kept a lot of the shadows Hard#i think it works#not sure it's the absolute best it cld be but i am Satisfied with it#overall i ws just kind of worried that it was looking rly similar to past pieces colour-wise#i think it kind of still Is but not as much as it would have been had i not made those edits#anyway. emo hours#ive been listening to jubyphonic's piano arr of shelter and thinking abt megumi#thinking abt him growing up n looking back on himself n seeing himself in tht lonely little boy#'it's a long way forward so trust in me' smth smth finding the strength to guide that kid forward even though both of u are scared#bc at the end of the day u Are still that kid#inner child stuff usually doesnt resonate much with me bc i don't like who i was/am/whatever this aint abt me#but in regards to megumi????? OW#in lighter news i remembered at the absolute last minute to lob off the top of yuuji's ear#bc that injury at least i think he keeps ghfssdfhfgsj
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i've been thinking about exactly why people portraying one of the other crew members successfully killing Jimmy as a "for what you did to Anya" kind of thing rubs me the wrong way a bit and it's because like..... this is just another form of taking agency away from Anya, in a way. it's kind of framing her as some meek, shivery woman-thing who's entirely at the mercy of the men around her, either to hurt her or save her.
(i understand these are mostly for wish fulfillment on the audience's behalf because everyone would like to see Jimmy pay for his crimes. whether or not this is the intention of the person writing it isn't really relevant, characterization happens with or without intent. i feel like it misses the point by portraying it as an 'ideal ending'.)
because... Anya is a capable person. she takes things into her own hands when she can. it was partially(?) her idea to get into the cargo,
(before he interrupts her.. remember when she interrupted Curly in the dead pixel segment?)
it was her idea to get the code scanner from the cockpit,
it was her idea to get the medication from behind the foam.
(the chance to do these things herself is not given to her.)
she'd been keeping Curly alive for months in a critical state somehow, her psych evaluations at the start are only so useless because Jimmy refuses to take it/her seriously and Curly is obviously biased when he puts it into his own hands. he's known him a long time, like he said. "I'll just put good for that one."
there's not a lot of material to work with because of how the game is framed, but it's there. we are working with two very biased perspectives and neither one lends Anya what she deserves
there's significant changes in how she speaks post- and pre- crash, and depending on who she happens to be talking to. i recommend re-reading her dialogue, because the difference is drastic
she acts the way she does around Jimmy because he has tangibly done horrible things to her, is actively hostile, and physically could not escape him by any means. she can't take away Curly's agency herself, in my eyes. you have to remember that Especially in the post-crash segments of the game, it's entirely from Jimmy's POV, and he obviously does not (and has never) thought very highly of her or treated her with a shred of respect
i've seen a general idea that she can't bear to hurt other people for any reason, but that doesn't really track to me. this is the real point of the post by the way
it seems based on the parts where she says she struggles to give Curly medication. "It just hurts him so much, I can't stand the noise." "It makes me nauseous."
it's not really the same thing as, say, hurting someone in self defense
this sounds like she did want the gun itself. this never felt worded like someone who would refuse to, at very least, threaten Jimmy with a gun, with violence. if she had been given the agency to make that decision on her own. she wasn't though
she still tries to reclaim some of it even as she's denied it
by the end she's still trying to keep that gun out of his hands
i think some people overly soften her, for similar reasons the game itself is trying to comment on. she's not a tender victim who couldn't cause pain to another out of the softness of her soul, she's a person who's had every last bit of agency ripped from her repeatedly until she couldn't take it anymore. that's the point. that's why framing her that way, "needing" someone to save her, is odd to me
she didn't need Curly to save her, she needed him to take responsibility
she didn't want to escalate things, but she's not an idiot. self defense was absolutely on her mind
but who knows im just saying shit *smiles serenely*
#dib noise#mouthwashing#sorryyyyyyyyy lol#i will defend you anya o7#its been fun to roll this game around in my brain. gives me something to do#long post#could be reaching though. it's unfortunate so much of her screentime is hammering home how poorly jimmy regards her#or her being scared/nervous in his presence#or trying to placate him#yes i know that's the point#are my feelings on how anya is treated by the the characters the fans and the game itself weirdly personal? yeah sorry#unfortunately i do think they didn't get the anya parts as solidly as the rest but oh well#everything has flaws#i've gone through a playthrough of this game like 10 times for this#you KNOW im sourcing my claims!!#not really an attack on the people who made the stuff i mentioned at the start#more of a commentary on how they relate with the source material itself#yes yes i know giving a crewmate a lethal weapon is probably not the best idea to curly#does that make this situation any less horrifying?#remember: these aren't real people. everything they do was written on purpose for a reason#i still need to write down my general thoughts on the game as a whole..#also not about one specific person post image writing ect it's a collection of things and ideas thrown onto one post#I'm not any good at ending posts like thase it kind of devolves by yhe end but thats ok
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Perhaps the minatour was in the friends we made along the way.
#house of leaves#the part im at has my mind spinning#im connecting dots all over the place to a degree that I almost fear I lost focus much like Zampanò#Im finally out of the “labyrinth” part where the pages get extra silly but the imagery within has stuck with me so much#i was really scared of getting to that part ngl but Ive made it! Now I just have!hundreds more pages and footnotes and appendix pages to go!#yiiipppeeeeee#im traveling this labyrinth so slowly. Running my hand along the wall hoping to find the exit. The light at the end to show ive made it#but theres so many winding turns. so I walk slower. Praying I can at least make it before I grow too weary to continue on#which is to say#im trying to finish this book before it finishes me. I had a headache for a bit trying to get through it lmao
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OOH YEAH BABY ITS THE SURGERY EPISODE BABY!!! ME AND THE HOMIES NEED SOME NEW FACES FOR OUR NEW PLAN, AND WHO BETTER TO GET THE JOB DONE THAN THE TWO MOST EVIL PEOPLE WE'VE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF HAVING OUR LIVES VIOLATED BY? I MEAN IT WOULD BE FUNNY. IT WOULD BE FUNNY.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#cw blood#cw gore#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#vex waylin#viv waylin#MY FAVORIT EP!! HAVNT SEEN IT IN FOREVER THO BC WELL. IM BUSY. SO BEAR W ME IM RUNNIN OFF ALOTTA MEMORY FUMES#ALSO EDIT BC FUUUCK I HADMORE TAGS BUT TUMBLR FUCKEN ATE EM. OH WELL. MY DMS R OPEN IF U WANNA UNLOCK RAMBLES.#I LOVE THE WAYLIN TWINS SSSOO FUCKING MUCH IM SO!!! CURIOUS ABOUT THEM!!! WHO WERE THEY WHEN THEY WERE HUMAN? HOW LONGVE THEY BEEN ARND?#I LOVE IT WHEN PPL SAY ITS LIKE THESE TWO WERE MADE FOR MMEE BC YES!! YES!! ITS EVERYTHING I COULD EVER WANT FROMA CHARACTER!!!#I LOVE THEIR RED WHITE N BLACK COLOR SCHEME. I LOVE HOW THEYRE BOTH SO INTELLIGENT AND GENIUS N YET THEYRE DUMB AS FUUUUCK#COOOMICAL SUPER VILLAINS. OOH ILL GET YOU NEXT TIME SHAMIA SHAMAI!!! HOW DARE YOU FOIL MY PLAN!! MY PLANS OF MUTILATING AWAKE N ALIVE PPL#COMICAL AND YET. GENUINELY HORRIFYING. VIV CAN MAKE UR BONES EXPLODE JUST BY THINKING ABOUT IT. VEX CAN BECOME SOUP#WHY DONT WE TALK ABOUT THAT MORE? THE TURNING INTO RED MEAT SLIME?? METAL AS FUUUCK. I ALSO LOVE HOW SCARED THEY GOT SO QUICKLY#THIS LIL FUCKEN RRRRRAT COMES IN. AND WELL. HES JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHERS. WE FUCK HIM UP N TOSS HIM INTO THE SUN N LET HIM BURN#SURE HE HAD ONE MORE TRICK OF REBELLION UP HIS SLEEVE BUT THE SUN HAS TAKEN HIM NOW. ITS FINE. WE'RE FINE. HEY IS THERE SMTH IN THE CEILING#OHHH WE KILLED HIM ONCE N HE CAME BACK. WE KILLED HIM AGAIN N TOOK HIM APART BUT THEN HES BACK?? HE GETS AWAY AND THEN. COMES BACK. AGAIN.#WE CANT GET RID OF HIM. THAT FOUL SHAMIA SHAMAI. A MOUSE IN OUR KITCHEN. FUUUUCK HES GONNA SPREAD DISEASE! KILL IT! KILL IT!! AAAUUGH FUCK!#I LOVE THAT THE WAYLIN TWINS AGREED TO HELP THE BLONDE TWINS MOSTLY ON THE BASIS OF 'IT WOULD BE FUNNY' BUT ALSO#OOHHH WE ARE SO CLOSE TO REACHING SOMETHING TO MAKE HIM NNEEVER FUCK WITH US AGAIN. HIS ILLUSIONS WILL HAUNT US NO LONGER#THEY WERE SSSOOO PARANOID W ALL THE CAMERAS AND BOMBING THEIR OWN LAB AND RUNNING AND RUNNING AND GETTING AWWAY FROM THIS FUCKEN! MOUSE!!!!#OHHHH I THINK IM RUNNIN OUTA ROOM so ill talk about da art real quick.BEEN WORKIN ON THIS FOR A WHIIILE.ALOTTA THESE were started when the#ep came out.so OLD!! BUT DONE!!and im very very happy w my colors n gore n EXPRESSIONS!! the top right corner comic keeps making me chuckle#I ALSO rly love the lil convo between arthur n viv.theyre SO CUTE TOGETHERR they should go ona museum date together or somethin#they need more time to just talk abt da World together.ALSO CAN I BE PETTY.I MADE ARTHUR UGLY CORRECT-STYLE#THESE BOYS KNOW NOTHING OF UGLY.I MADE THE VAMPIRIC FLESH EVOLVE N ROT N BLOSSOM AND THERE IS SQUIRMING WITHIN THE TENEBRAE#UHHH IEAH THIS GUY W A ROTTED N DISTORTED FACE WALKS INTO MY BIKE STORE IEAH IM SCREAAAMIN LIKE WADDA HELL!! MONSTOR!!!
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I really liked “I Saw The TV Glow” for a lot of reasons like the lighting and sound design and stuff
But I also really liked it because how similar I felt to it. Like you watch a show you love so much you want to Be In It and all you do is interact with That Show to the point where you start talking like it and you make everything you see like it because you don’t Know anything else
I really liked owens character because of how Stuck he is in his life. He says he doesn’t think about “that stuff” because it makes him feel gross so he doesnt. He takes a job at a place he doesn’t like and when it gets shut down he goes with the manager to the next place also doing a job he hates. When his parents die he lives in the same house he grew up in because he doesn’t want to leave. He had one friend and when she disappeared presumed dead he didn’t do anything but reminiscenced on his time with her and watching the show she helped him watch. You can also see how he starts taking care of himself less after his father died, in the last scenes of the movie he looks like he barely eats or drinks water, he doesn’t do anything but his job. “Years feel like seconds” because he isn’t doing anything of importance he lost everything that he looked forward too
He doesn’t talk above a normal speaking volume until he’s literally DYING and even after he apologizes still out of breath. He’s still dying then. No one responds to his apologies or responded to him when he was screaming
He gets a chance to leave and go with Maddie to The Pink Opaque and he gets scared, he gets a chance to leave with her when he was younger and he gets scared. He’s so unhappy with his life but he doesn’t want to change it because he doesn’t know what else to do
#yeah this movie totally didn’t resonate with me at all#haha#fuck#also he didn’t say anything or really try to wxplore not being a guy except that one time he wore a dress with Maddie. he didn’t even bring#it up with his parents but they made little comments that made him scared. so for the rest of his life he didn’t think about it he tried to#hide how he felt his entire life about everything because he didn’t Want to live his life. he was happy while watching The Pink Opaque so#everything else felt like he was waiting to get back to it#when he rewatched it years later it didn’t feel the same and that’s when he started falling apart. you could see his ribs when he was on th#ground in one of the last scenes his inhaler didn’t work he didn’t do anything to try and get help or get out of it#uhhhhh do I tag the movie#I think I will I liked writing this#I wanna talk about it more but idk How rn#i saw the tv glow#woo hoo!!#the feeling this movie gave is one that got me to start making dextrine and stuff. I don’t want to say too much and spoil it but it’s simil#similar ((:
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*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it
#GUESS WHO GOT A PIERCING INFECTION SO BAD OVERNIGHT SHE HAD TO RUSH TO THE HOSPITAL#AND GET SURGERY TO REMOVE IT BC THE METAL WAS BURROWING ITSELF INSIDE HER LIP#yep that was meee :3#man. it sounds so silly now. like that probably shouldn't have made me panic nearly as much as it did#but you have to understand at the time it was terrifying#I noticed my lip was a bit swollen earlier in the night but I was like ok it's probably nothing serious#I put some ice on it hoping it would be back to normal after I got some sleep#then I woke up at like 5:30 AM with my lip super swollen and my lip piercing literally burying itself inside my flesh#I tried pushing it back out a bit and blood and pus started coming out so yk I started panicking#so I went upstairs and I asked my mom to drive me to the hospital#luckily we have free healthcare in brazil and the hospital was basically empty(this was on sunday)#but when I got there they told me the doctor wouldn't arrive until 8AM and it was like 6:45 at that point#so I REALLY started panicking 🫠 bc I could feel like the piercing kept burying itself more deeply like#I felt like the skin inside my lip was going to close around it and I was terrified bc I had no idea what to do#and I was scared it might make things worse#but all I could do was sit there and wait and so I started having a panic attack#luckily my mom was there with me the whole time so at least I didn't feel alone#and then I just. waited for it to end. and then tried to keep myself distracted until the doctor got there#I got treated by military doctors! sjdjcjck the army has been giving additional support for hospitals in my city#bc of the floods some health units are currently closed and demand got higher so they needed extra support there#so an army doctor performed my surgery(inside an army tent no less ajfjjfkf maybe not ideal but. functional)#he was so nice?? like probably the calmest most careful doctor I've ever been treated by#I still had a bit of a nervous breakdown again after the surgery but that was bc I'd never been through something like that before#I got anesthesia obvs but I still felt the tug when he cut into my skin to remove the piercing and did my stitches#so my mind started cooking up all these horrible scenarios of how everything could go wrong and I was gonna die#cried on the doctor's table. 👍🏻 awesome#but he and his assistant were super nice about it she even offered me a hug#but anyway in the end I finally calmed down and got some medication#now I'm all stitched up with my little bloated lip eating soup out of a straw 👍🏻 but I'm ALIVE and I'm just glad it's all over fjjvjkf#sleep.txt
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I hope the wedding is fake cause if it is the fans will be even more insufferable
#shartney#fans scare me#you know they will use them being right to justify#like congrats#yall treated actual people like fictional characters and made them hide their relationship so much they only felt safe revealing it#after getting married#this isn’t and never will be right#it happened with Joey and Lauren#with Dan and Phil with them coming out (idk if they are a couple nor does it matter)#and many more for sure#lety rambles#shortney#shourtney#Smosh#Courtney miller#Shayne topp
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Wow OK so… I just finished reading the 🧊🍈 short novel and I'm in denial, how good it was
I laughed so much, idk if it was intentional, but just…
I love it so much
That's all the words that I can say atm… I still need to digest how good it was
#my art#wip#melone#ghiaccio#meloghia#la squadra di esecuzione#I think a part of me had already made up my mind that it was going to be bad so I could soften the blow#so I was rly scared to read it#But since a close friend told me it was surprisingly good... It got me curious again#And holy shit#I'm so glad they did...#Like srsly for an official story#that's insanely good imo#Like... Now I wish they'd adapt it in an OVA hahaaa#I just want more#And hope they could also write the other members 🥺🤲✨ aaaa thank you so much 🙏
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ABAcelsus keychain designs 🗝️🩸
I love this dedicated wife and her axe husband 🩵💛
#guilty gear#guilty gear strive#ggst#ggstrive#abacelsus#a.b.a#paracelsus#art#illustration#digital art#fanart#they've constantly been on my mind since release#i'm making these into actual keychains!#probably won't sell them because i'm scared of that#dayis art#WARNING ranting ahead#ougghh their recent lore drop for slayer's update made me tear up#aba is so scared of him leaving her#he KNOWS he can have a body but he doesn't say anything#also i love that aba got into fashion#she's so me (kind of)#paracelsus might have a body the next game they show up in#he'll probably be able to switch between forms or something#idk how thatll work gameplay wise#idk x2 because he doesnt even want a body#unless hes more open to the idea now#aaah#i love them so much
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being too weird and unlikable and off putting and always being shunned and turned into an outcast everywhere i go and not having felt the connection and healing friendship has on you for so many years has really done a number on me
#irl mostly. but even online. i cannot connect or find communities or support systems the way most of u can#even if i do have found great connections and one connection in particular im more than grateful for#but i have had so much of my humanness torn off for so long that i am awkward and useless in handling it#but yeah idk :/ im just so profoundly jealous of how everyone can just fit into a slot#even online when ppl talk abt being anxious and stuff they still have ppl to talk to#or ppl irl to hang out with and im like.. wow... i cant even do that :/#it is just so lonely in general. and it has made me confused and incapable of knowing how to be a human#and fully realise and actualize the one connection i do have#if i had gotten to learn and now know how to be a human and a person i would've... been a person#but now i feel so removed and far away from that idek how...#like im at a point where i cant even have simple and shallow conversations online bc im like so useless#maybe only other ppl with avpd and who have been socially rejected and isolated and alienated can fully understand what i mean#it is so scary and weird and i feel such deep envy for how people can just like... talk to eo. irl and online. i dont get it#and like the connection i do have that i mention bc it is so important to me.. that does all of those things#but it is like im so not used to anyone even keep wanting to have a connection with me#that i feel like bambi on ice 💀 for lack of a better metaphor#and inside of me idk how to dare to open up to it bc i've been numb and shut off i just dont know#i dont know. but i want to but idk how.#ahhhhhh wanna scream bc just trying to describe it so i can make sense of it is frustrating!!!!#it also sucks bc other ppl really dont seem to get how fkn weird and scary it is to feel so removed from humanness#and not even be able to do most basic human people things most ppl who are mentally ill or anxious do.. i cant even do that idk#talking and communicating is the main thing like ppl do not understand how fkn hard it is for me to even have a simple convo#and i cant explain it bc theres no way someone who doesnt feel the same and have avpd could get it...#but idk. i just hate all of this and i wish i had a normal functioning brain. i just wanna be like everyone else#even ppl w social anxiety are capable of having friends. and im terrified of losing the only connection i've somehow been lucky to get#in my hands??? im so scared of losing that but idk HOW to be a person and idk!!! idk!!#other ppl dont even think abt these things im so fkn jealous lmao#anyway whatever 😔
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#chattin#it it loving shujin trio hours#but more importantly. it is loving ann hours#i love her so much. she is so sweet and cute#ann friendships mean SO much to me#i think it is easily forgotten that she was also bullied and ostracized#and made to felt alone and scared. so much so that she felt that she had no where to run#noone to turn to#and these guys kinda stumbled in her life as confused and directionless as she was#and said no. were going to do something about our lives. we HAVE to.#and she was not going to watch these boys figure it out without her#demanding to take space. its so good. i love her#and then she pays that shit forward 100x over.#all of them do tbh. i think thats why i love the thieves so much#the paying forward of the goodwill and strength given to them by others
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ADHD really does put everything at equal levels of importance, huh? Like I'll have an email I need to write that'll take maybe 10 minutes, and getting that done will alleviate 6 months of stress. Then I'll notice a sock on the floor I need to put away. Then I'll get the strong conviction that it's up to me to cure cancer. And my brain will tell me that I need to do all of them at once, start and finish them all in the time span of 0 seconds, and my executive dysfunction will throw up its hands and do none of the above.
#adhd#actuallyadhd#executive dysfunction#examples were courtesy of my partner. it made me laugh so hard because i've never heard anything more accurate#i'll read stuff like ''adhd makes it difficult to prioritize things!'' and i never paid that much attention because i was like#''i can easily sort things into categories. it's just the doing them that's the issue.''#but then i realized. that the REASON doing things is an issue is because it's not happening at the conscious logical level#it's happening at a nearly-subconscious rapid fire in-the-moment response time#i've been working a lot on my adhd these past few months & have also been meditating a lot lately and it's been making my awareness more an#more broad and precise#and at this point i'm wondering if this is straight up the cause of my adhd. the brain putting absolutely everything at the same ''URGENT#URGENT URGENT'' level. since i can't do everything in the world at the same time at infinite speed and perfection#i'm thrown into ''freeze mode''. and that's also why we've learned to weaponize fear against ourself as a motivator. because it forces the#task we're trying to do into front view. makes it take priority over everything else we're scared of not doing.#we've been working on a lot of useful coping skills. haven't entirely figured out how to manage this yet but the awareness itself has#been very useful.
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thinking about ratio proposing to aventurine one day, only for aventurine to panic and freak out about the thought of the “marriage is a shackle”/“my spouse is a ball and chain” rhetoric he’s heard people spew, so he fears he’ll lose the freedom he has worked so hard for
#im only just doing the penacony quest so forgive me if its ooc or super non canon pls this thought just popped into my mind! i mean no harm!#but ahdjfjjsjdbd aventurine is so tragic i love him so much more than i thought i would 😭 poor little guy#i’ve vaguely shipped ratiorine since they were released from fanon shit but seeing them in game despite betrayal made me ship them more#pls dont hurt me hsr fans 😭 you aren’t as bad as genshin fans but in still scared#almost slightly based off real thoughts/worrys btw bcs why do ppl think so poorly of their spouses :(#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr aventurine#dr ratio#ratiorine
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"And soda; runs off into the street..." "...and soda... is totally okay!"
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#cw blood#something something cracking open a boy w the cold ones#IF THERE ARE ANY MISTAKES I MISSED I SWWWEAR TO JEBEDIAH. IF I STARE AT THIS ANYMORE IM GONNA DIE IT NEEDS TO BE DONE#ALSO RRRAAAHAHHHGHGH CAN I JUST TAKEA SECOND TO SCREEAAMM ABT HOW MUCH I LOVE SODA AND EMIZEL.. LIKE THERYE SO CUTE....#THEY ARE HOMIES THAT KISS EACHOTHR GOODNIGHT. THEY CARE SO MUCH FOR EACHOTHER. SODA LOVES SODA AND SODA LOVES YOU#do u guys remember how willing he was to share blood w his vampire bestie. like cmon. remember when emizel memorized sodas Soda Schedule.#LIKE CMON.... they just have eachothers backs so much. ouhhh my god... ANYWAY SO THE ART HUH. I FEEL LIKE I SCRAMBLED W IT FOR A WHILE#DRAWIN IS HARD..... i think i did well in the end tho.. i like the lil heart beat effects. and i hope i made soda look Suffieciently Scared#i ALSO had fun w the teeth. i however did not have fun w the walls. if i had more drugs i mightve done every brick in more detail#but i didnt WANNA!!!! this will suffice.I HOPE IT FLOWS WELL&THAT ITS CLEAR... IVE STARED AT IT SO LONG IT IS NOW VISUAL SOUP. HELP!!!#i want my comics to have more Pauses and Space and Thought and Momence. i feel like normally they go so fast. but THIS time#i think i did good.... huuoouhhhh.... comics are HARD art is HARD but i am HARDER. or something. OH YEAH I HAVE MORE ART THINGS#soda was RLY HARD FOR ME TO DRAW FOR A MINUTE..but i like where his design is now. i wanted his hair to be curly swirly.like soda fizz#i THINK thats all my thoughts for now. if u have thoughts u should spill them in the tags i looooove reading tttaaggsss#have a goodnight i gotta go to work soon. maybe. unless the casinos power goes out AGAIN. OR SEOMTHING... UUGHHH MY SCHEDULE IS IN SHAMBLES#I THOUGHT I WAS WORKIN 3 DAYS INA ROW SO I RENTED A WHOLE DAMN HOTEL BC THE JOB PLACE IS FAR AWAY.. I HAD TO CANCEL THE WHOLE RESERVATOn#annd im MMMMAD ABOUT IT!!! like ill get over it ofc BUT IM PEEVED!!!! IM INCONVIENIENCED AND GENTLY AGGRIVATED. BUT OVERALL FINE.#hope yalls weekend goes well. sleep well. if u get the chance to.
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people dont talk enough about how heartbreaking the marlon betrayal mustve been for clem too,,
this dude saves the life of her and her kid. takes them in has them patched up gives them their first hot meal in who knows how long. gives them a safe place to stay. possibly permanently. confides in her that hes trying to be a good leader but feels like and fears that hes failing. asks her to help him take care of the rest of the group. helps her get over her fear of dogs by asking her to trust him. and things go well. she feels safe. like this place could really finally be the home shes been looking for
but as soon as she finds out what happened to the twins. that marlon planned on giving up her and aj too. she immediately becomes a liability to him and he attempts to kill her for it. locks her in the basement to die by walker. then tries to turn the group against her so he can shoot her instead when the first method fails. and he nearly succeeds
then a majority of the group turn against clem the minute aj kills marlon. ignoring marlons mistakes but condemning aj for his. like clem wasnt betrayed by marlon in the exact same way he betrayed the twins. like she literally wasnt almost killed twice? and how long had he been considering giving her up? was it always some contingency he planned? did he truly want to keep them around and things only changed when he feared the raiders had returned? she'll never know
#i think about this a lot... the betrayal... clems deep trust issues... then they all want to kick her out (except vi aasim and tenn 💕)#when she was just as impacted if not more so than the rest of them. since she was the only one with her Life on the line#thats why violet fighting so hard for them to stay is so important imo and would MEAN SO MUCH to clem too#vi and aasim are the only ones who can see past the bullshit and realize that theyre safer with clem around#while the rest would rather kick her out so they dont have to acknowledge their confused feelings about marlon#like first marlon betrays her then the rest of the group tell her to get fucked and die. dont come back. we never want to see you again#but she does. and she saves them#personally i do think marlon had 'good' intentions but he was a scared and fucked up kid who made bad decisions#and continued to make bad decisions to cover for his previous fuck ups#but that just makes him interesting :)#and i like teaching aj the difference between people like marlon and people like lilly#all of clems 'wow i feel so safe here :) and these guys seem smart :)' personal dialogue around ericsons makes me 😭#she was so happy to be at ericsons. and they turn against her so fast when she was more of a victim than any of them#aj is a literal baby. do not treat him like an adult who can make fully rationalized decisions. hes a baby and he only knows survival#at least they slowly get over it after clem comes back (some take longer than others...)#but the lack of compassion in voting to kick them out is heartbreaking. she was heartbroken#and thats not acknowledged as much as it should be#posting this old drafted post now cuz it expands my feelings on clems broken heartedness about the marlon situation#it speaks#twdg
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