#but it made me cry! and emotionally connect!! so its a win in my book :)

[maraschinotopped]

God.

[bnuuys-writing]

Meet my Yuusona!

This is Jenny, but she goes by Jen. More information down below! <3

No one knows where Jenny has come from, but they all know she is able to wield magic without a pen. She also has all these strange markings on her body that she keeps hidden that occasionally glow when she is feeling certain strong emotions such as the ones of the Seven Deadly Sins.

Jenny is a caregiver, a empath who knows who is crying the next room over without even looking up from the book she is reading. She is able to diffuse fights before they even start either by fighting and winning herself or talking everyone out of it. She is someone you can rely on and trust if you're having a hard time with something either in school or emotionally. She will mom you, in short.

Fun Facts about Jenny! She actually had come from Devildom to here, and to avoid making connections with everyone, she gave out a fake name in hopes of being able to go home with no strings involved. Her name is actually Ophelia. Lia for short. She was learning how to wield magic by Solomon at first and the pacts she made with the brothers, angels, and the Butler and Prince of Devildom themselves only spur her magic on. She is more able to cast healing spells that fighting spells, so she summoned a familiar which was a brown rabbit! Yet, in the transport to Twisted Wonderland, their same magic merged them together to where Jenny now has a fluffy rabbit tail and large floppy ears!

Relationship Dynamics!

Leona: Absolutely a hater of this man. ONLY because she knows his worth could be so much more and he just doesn't put any effort into showing that he could be a good mage. It absolutely infuriates her. They constantly get into fights that either end up with both of them in the infirmary or both of them getting heated in a vocal argument.

Sebek: Love Interest #1. When Jen first came to NRC and met Sebek, she immediately did NOT like him. Both of them getting into silly little arguments that would go "So, Beastman-" "I'm actually a human. I just merged forms with my rabbit familiar." "DO NOT INTERUPT ME WHILE I AM TELLING YOU ABOUT LORD MALLEUS!!" "ok, bye." Yet after getting to know him better and better and actually taking time to see past everything, she saw him for who he truly is and just fell heads over heels with him. Yet, he doesn't need to know that.

Silver: Good friend, was a possible love interest and she had a small crush on him but after she fell in love with Sebek, they both just stayed close friends. Silver was one of the first few people to actually greet her into NRC. Sometimes Silver will find himself waking up with his head in Jen's lap as she reads away. They could make a cute couple but they respect each other a lot to not meddle with each other's love life.

Vil: Imagine; Malleus with Sebek. But now its Jenny and Vil. If anyone disrespects her housewarden, they will get thrown. Epel is impressed by this but Vil just taught her how to hurt people with words and how to make it sting. Jenny doesn't really hurt people without a good cause. But she heavily admires Vil due to the fact that he seriously reminds her of Asmodeus.

Azul: This is her boss. Was love interest #3 but after working for him constantly as either a waitress with the Tweels on the weekday and Singing for Monstro Lounge on the Weekend, that dwindled down fast. They both seriously respect each other and Azul has made the comment of making a deal about her voice once or twice in which she has denied more than plenty.

Ace and Deuce: These two are her best friends and Ride or Die's. Especially Deuce. She makes sure that they are all caught up and studied on homework before they can go ask Azul for tutoring papers all over again. Rewards them with baked goods that were helped made by Trey just to make sure that they keep their grades above a C-. C's get degrees!

Grim: She doesn't really interact with Grim all that much even though she is Housewarden of Ramshackle, but is an honorary member of Pomefiore. Its all because she is severely allergic to cats. But if you mess with her baby? You are so fried. Prepare to meet the actual full power of Wrath.

Crowley: Does not like him. She has thrown a chair at him. They do not interact unless absolutely necessary and she is finding her own way back home.

[soul-artist]

My ex besties fam cut ties with my parents and I’m jealous that I can’t do the same. My ex best friends family got close with my family. Eventually, they meshed with our family friends too. Her parents were generous, kind, snarky and very very giving. If there’s one thing you can ever accuse them off, it’ll be vanity. On the other hand, my parents couldn’t be described. They are nightmare in a single package? My dad would brag about giving us “everything we’ve ever touched” so loud as if we didn’t stop “touching and picking” things for the taunts of “I have bought you this”, “that’s so expensive”, “I bought you this, so you better do this for me” that’d eventually come. Emotionally that’s are a solid (minus)-1000000. Couldn’t ever rely on them for anything, we’ve never been shown compassion in this household. They’d VIEW themselves so morally superior to everybody while doing below bare minimum everyday is fucking hilarious. The bestie’s mom would try to connect with her, lash out from lack of understanding like other brown parents, but her redeeming quality was she’d put an effort to understand her daughter AND bring her the help she(daughter) needed. Doing all that, she’d also spoil her daughter with things that her daughter would take interest in, from books to clothes and jewelries, baby her daughter, stand up for her in social settings and cut people off who’d disrespect them (my own sperm donor being one of them). My mom would 24/7 engage in backbiting and gossiping with other people and cry about what other people said about HER to us, like, woman as if you haven’t been doing the same thing about others regarding things that doesn’t even concern you. My sperm donor considers himself as very religiously wise, but partakes in worse habits than my mom. He has arrogance for days with zero actions to match with it- the ultimate hypocrite. Now both of these very damaged, very unwilling-to-heal individuals would have toxic fights all the time since before was born probably that my core childhood memory is just traumas. I still can’t imagine what complete “safe and serene” feels like and its been two decades since I have been here in the world. I would have anxiety from the disrespect and the level of lows one could go to that they have blatantly shown me over the years, I cannot form a single meaningful, friendship with anyone else without fearing that that hates me secretly. I can’t trust anyone’s love, can’t trust anyone’s genuinely good person at heart because I didn’t see it much without any hidden evil intention behind it before my own eyes. One of my friends dad has made her emotionally so strong, after his passing she’s managed to pick herself up AND support her brother who’s a decade older than her while also doing uni full time. One of my other friends mom would pray for her before every single one of her tests, be it be a major one or a minor, before she lefts the house. Many others have a Friday tradition of cooking special dishes. I know that have their downs too, but that have this specific, consistent act of a single good thing that they know they’ll get from their parents. They have that surety of good, that me and my siblings don’t have. Because despite how many times my parents says they are holo in his the world by owing the bills and managing the house, the other parents are doing those too. It’s the fact that what are you doing for our “happiness” rather than keeping us alive.

Hav I mentioned my sperm donor is allergic to happiness? Anytime we’d laugh a bit loud or be excited about something he’d put us down for it, mock it and generally invalidate us by stressing how unimportant, mundane and unnecessary the thing was. He never celebrated our wins( because it was never “good enough”), but made sure to always lament us for our losses. A real sunshine to be around tbh. He’s the foundation that you want to leave as soon as you can, than the one you’d build your home around.

[nat111love]

HIIIIII!!! First of all, im in love with your analysis. If you were to write a book on your analysis on Tommy and Grace, i would buy it! You break it down like a police officer on a case and for that thank you! 💞Its a therapy session for me as a stan of Grace.

Do you think Thomas is only attracted to Grace's beauty at first? Ive seen like people commenting that Tommy only like her because of her look. (Btw i might be bias but if its between May and Grace, imo Grace wins all the points and high points on her attractiveness....she looked like an angel but has the spirit of a devil...still cannot understand why people dont like Grace)

I love it when it comes to making business decisions, if Grace is involved, he automatically place Grace first even tho his mantra all along was business first. He is defi treating Grace as his queen.

Now nonnie!!!!! Why would you send this message to me. Are you trying to put a smile on my face or make me cry lol. Thank you for your sweet words nonnie , you made my whole week <3 !!!

OK, Now let’s fucking talk about TOMMY SHELBYx ATTRACTION x LOVE.

“Do you think Thomas is only attracted to Grace's beauty at first? Ive seen like people commenting that Tommy only like her because of her look.”

  Yes, tommy found grace physically attracting and aesthetically pleasing. I mean have you looked at her ?  which normally constituted man wouldn’t ?! She looked TF good !!! So yes,  he was physically attracted to grace, and that’s that physical/aesthetic attraction that inevitably, led him to want to spend more time with her and get to know her on a deeper level. YES, it fueled that initial spark, but that’s not what made him fall for her!! that’s not the reason he couldn’t get over her several years after her death.

Tommy came across a hundred pretty women but only one melted his  heart... GRACE. And why’s that ?! because there was a sense of belonging, security, togetherness, homeliness, connection in their mutual bonding, which EMOTIONALLY tied him to her...

 What made him fall for her was the bond they built, their similarities, the fact that she brought out the best in him, made him a happier person, and made him want to be a better man...

She saw him , he saw her...and they understood each other,... 

people love to talk about tommy’s attraction to grace, which is ok. But I just want to point out that all attractions will not get converted as love. Especially appearance or sexual attractions, may and lizzie can attest to this statement, they experienced it at firsthand.

Tommy still longing for grace,  a woman who “betrayed” him and broke his heart in the process,( two years after they broke up) only cemented the true depth of his feelings for her...

                             HE LOVED HER....

His heart was no longer his. But HERS, it belonged to her, the woman who unexpectedly entered his untamned heart and never left. HE LOVED HER!!!  HE LOVED HER despite her deception. 

People can try to trick themselves into thinking that tommy wasn’t in love with grace, but her beauty, aesthetic... if they want. But that won’t change the fact that grace  inhabited tommy’s thoughts , heart and soul.

 Their breakup wouldn’t have been that heavy in his heart if she didn’t own it and haunt his thoughts. He tried to get over her and forget about her_  “ Maybe it’s time you forgot about her?” “ Forget about who ?” . He burned her letter, slept with several women , slept with may, but it didn’t work. Because,

 his heart belonged to her. And him loving her wasn’t up to him but his heart.  

 It wasn’t up to him to decice whether or not he should still love her, think about her, miss talking to her, miss seeing her pretty face and beautiful smile, miss kissing her and miss the way she made him feel...NO IT WASN’T... his heart chose her, It chose her because she was the “only” woman that succeeded in making it smile.  

That man was in utter misery  after she left for new york, because he loved and missed her, not because of some superficial reasons. 

“ still cannot understand why people dont like Grace “

  The lack of taste nonnie, the lack of taste loool. I don’t understand those who still use the “she betrayed him” argument to hate on her!!! I mean...yes, She deceived tommy, but she was only doing her job and tommy understood it . I would even argue that that deception made him respect her and want her more than he already did. He’s always two step ahead...But she “outsmarted”, blinded him, HIM tommy shelby .I know he was impressed by his badass barmaid... Yes she played him but she loved him and all campbell got was a bullet [ lmao, nonnie ignore the campbell comment haahhaha  I couldn’t help it... that’s what happens when my my fangirl mode is on I’m cackling ].

“  I love it when it comes to making business decisions, if Grace is involved, he automatically place Grace first even tho his mantra all along was business first. He is defi treating Grace as his queen. “

Yes he treated her like his queen, because she was !!!! she owned his ass [ lol ] and grace knew it ( and tommy owned hers). I’ll never get over may trying to explain to grace that tommy was all about business, and grace hitting her with the “Did he tell you my name ?... my name is grace” lol. She really said , sweetie that horse you’ve been training was named after me!! Yes I’m his past, but I’m also his present, his future, his business, his love...I’m his everything. Tommy is not all about business his all about me. We stan one clapback queen lol. 

[osamiiya]

From Me, the Moon

Pairings: Bakugou x reader

Warnings: Cussing, Angst, cheating, mature themes, not nsfw but there’s mention of it.

A/n: My first attempt at angst! This is also based off the lyrics of Lav’s “From Me, the Moon”. Yes I know it’s from a girl to another girl, but I like the lyrics and I’m in no way trying to make the song straight. I just got the idea for the fic.

Summary: It’s been two years since Bakugou kissed her, two years since he broke your heart.

Your apartment is quiet as you set your keys in the key bowl.

Two years, and you still look the same

It’s been quiet for two years now, feelings you thought were pushed away from countless nights crying on Mina, Uraraka, and Momo’s shoulders, and nursing a beer at a random bar, not caring who took you home that night, empty sex with nameless faces, always gone before 7. Until he showed up at your work.

‘He still wore his ring’ You noted, mentally scoffing.

Wide blinking eyes look at me the same way. Do my lips take you back to June? Do my lips make you miss me too?

'He kept staring.’ you think as you take your shoes off.

A typical Monday, you were just writing down appointments, the same forced charming smile plastered on your face as people came in booking appointments to meet with a lawyer. Shuddering when be you caught his wide eyes, flicking from your eyes to your lips, bright vermilion, a colour that he would often kiss off of you.

When he approached you cleared your throat, acting as if you never knew him.

“How can I help you?”

“Tell me if I’m too late. If all those years are all gone.”

“I’m sorry sir, if you aren’t here to book an appointment I’m going to have to ask you to kindly leave the line.” You don’t miss the way his voice cracks as he books an appointment.

“Who does he think he is.” You fume, beer and opener in hand.

“Tell me if I’m too late. If all those years are all gone” You mock, talking to your refrigerator.

Two years ago

Four years. Dating for three, engaged for one, but it felt like longer, mutual feelings for each other since you could remember. Shy glances in the hallways, stolen kisses in between classes. Never becoming official because, well, “Once I become a hero and can buy her the prettiest ring”.

And he did. Hell, it was the week before the wedding the pretty diamond sitting happily on your left hand. As you prepared for the wedding. Dress, flowers, venue, invitations. The wedding preparations taking up all your time, he never even bothered to help. Claiming he had “work”.

Maybe he was stressed about the wedding, God knows you were stressing about it too.

Fiddling with your ring as you parked into the driveway, he’d enjoy you home early wouldn’t he?

You ignored the way Bakugou began to pull away emotionally, at first, then physically.

Only an empty “I love you” and a quick kiss on the cheek as he left in the morning.

He got home late and went straight to bed.

No, he still loved you. You don’t marry someone you don’t love.

Yes, the two of you were “grossly in love” as Mina would put it. It’s just the honeymoon phase that ended.

'He would be back to normal after the wedding.’

You turn the knob to the front door. The air smells of sex and alcohol, and there’s voices from the bedroom that are too real to be porn.

The previous pounding in your heart stops. There’s tv static in your ears and it’s hard to breathe.

Your legs are on autopilot, walking the same route to the bedroom as you always have, the smell thicker here, and the sounds louder.

Your right hand is shaking as you take the ring off your left hand, it feels hot, like it’s burning into your skin.

You open the door, and it feels like a punch to the face. Red eyes snapping onto yours, wide and filled with fear. He’s not wearing the ring.

The girl starts sobbing with apologies, she sees the ring in your hand.

Your heart feels too big for your chest, and your face goes numb, you can’t even feel the tears that started to fall.

“I’m home.” You whisper.

It’s like a spell is broken when you drop the ring on the floor, your body moving on autopilot as you briskly walk to the front door, not stopping as you grab your coat and keys.

“Y/n!” You’re halfway to your car when he grabs your arm.

He’s sweaty, and the smell of another girl’s perfume is overwhelming, you feel like throwing up. He hasn’t bothered to put on a shirt, he must have haphazardly thrown on a pair of sweats.

The dark marks on his torso and the red scratches down his arms and what you can assume are also on his back are angry and red.

“You don’t understand-”

A smile makes its way onto your face, it’s sad, and only a shadow of the bright ones that make Bakugou’s heart squeeze.

“I’m sorry.” You’re still smiling, but now your lips are shaking and it looks way to forced as tears speed down your face.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for you.” You gently take your arm our of his grip, and Bakugou feels like his chest is too small for his heart.

“I don’t blame you.” You’re voice is shakey and you’re wiping tears slower than they’re coming down.

“I don’t blame you, but Jesus Christ Bakugou, it hurts.” It’s a stab to the chest for Bakugou, what happened to Katsuki, Suki? Bubba?

“Oh god, Bakugou it hurts” You’re openly sobbing now. Chest heaving with shudders, as your legs give out, and you’re on the floor.

“Y/n we can talk about this- I love you.” His voice cracks as he runs his hands through his hair, he looks so vulnerable as his hands shake, scared to reach out and touch you, but he needs to hold you.

“The ring is in the house.” You’re wiping your nose, sobbing in the driveway.

“Take it with you as you go.” Bakugou finds himself nodding, why is he nodding? He needs to fight for you, he’s crying, eyes bloodshot as tears run down his face.

“Don’t leave me, I need you.” He sounds broken, like a child who’s lost everything. And to Bakugou? He has.

You find yourself nodding 'no’, your body is tired and the tears have stopped falling.

“I’m tired 'suki.” Bakugou sobs harder.

“I hope it was worth it Bakugou. I hope that you enjoyed the 4 years as much as I have.”

Bakugou’s like a broken record, sobbing and shaking his head as he whispers 'no.“

'It was a mistake’ He thinks 'I don’t love her, only you.’ He wants to scream for you to hear, but the tired face and scraped hands that you hold together make his throat squeeze, it’s hard to speak and it’s hard to breathe.”

You lean over to him, kissing him on the cheek, your lips tasting salty from his tears.

“Have a good life with her ok? She must be pretty special for you to choose her.”

And then you’re getting in your car, body numb and on autopilot as you drive to Mina’s. Screaming and sobbing as she cries with you, seeing you in pain too much for her.

A few weeks later, like a stab to the heart you walked into an empty apartment. The air smelled of bleach and cleaning product.

Maybe it was for the best.

You walked into the bedroom, hoping that the last week’s we’re all a nightmare, but the bed’s gone, thank goodness, and his part of the closet is empty, a letter in the middle of the floor.

Your heart constricts as you read it, no, not from Bakugou, but from a girl named Uraraka. The page is blotches with tears, as she writes about meeting him, he approached her and they began dating. He kept the closets shut, and the bathroom was clear of any women’s products. Even the pads under the sink had an explanation connecting to his friend.

She writes about how she never questioned it, too infatuated with the rugged charming guy. Who insulted you but made you feel like the sun.

She wrote her number, claiming she broke it off with him, blocking him after screaming his ear off. She wants to have coffee sometime. She knows it’s not totally her fault, and it’s sure as hell not yours.

Which brings you to now, becoming close friends with her, introducing her to a single friend of yours. Midoriya, who treats her like she hung the stars.

A knock at your door brings you out of your thoughts, the beer in your hand warmer now, the condensation dripping down the bottle and onto the floor.

“Coming!” You call, wiping your hands on a towel, the door opens to Bakugou.

You close the door as soon as you open it. Locking the door as you hear protests from the other side.

Do you still keep counting my sins? Will your heart ever forgive my skin?

“How much longer are you going to avoid talking.”

You hear a thump on the door that has to be his head.

“Will you ever forgive me?”

You open the door.

“Bakugou, I’ve moved on.” lie “I’ve found someone else for me.” lie, they’re all lies to protect your heart.

How many more first kisses?

How many more first kisses? Are you gonna watch me pick up the pieces? I know you miss the furrow in my brows. And I could be in your arms now

“I’m sorry, it was a mistake, It didn’t mean anything.”

You look the same Bakugou confirms. Hair a little longer, and face a little more tired, but still beautiful, still his y/n.

“I still love you.” He reaches his arm out to you.

“You hurt me Bakugou, and I’ve moved on. I meant what I said that night.” You’re smiling, it’s bittersweet, but you don’t think you’re going to cry.

“No, I can’t find anyone better than you, you’re the best thing to ever happen and I was a dumbass to think that girl was worth it.”

Your smile becomes slightly strained.

“Uraraka and I are really good friends now, I suppose I have you to thank.”

Bakugou’s eyes are wide.

“It’s been two years Bakugou, you don’t get to suddenly appear and spout nonsense like it’ll fix what is beyond repair.”

Tell me if the years are all gone. Is the moon still in love with the sun? Do you still keep counting my sins? And how do I win?

“Neither of us can fix this Bakugou.” You sigh, a hand rubbing your temples, trying to fight the oncoming headache.

“I still love you Bakugou.” You sigh, no more lying.

“Then we can-” Bakugou starts.

“But my heart is terrified of getting hurt again. I think I’ll always love you. I don’t think I can stop. And truthfully? You were everything to me, and from the moment you kissed her, it all came crashing down around me. The home I built in your agressive nature, the plans I had for the wedding, our whole future. It just came crashing down.” Bakugou stands there silently.

“I thought I was going to die, my heart hurt so badly.” You sigh, wanting to get back to your beer warming up on the counter.

“That’s why Bakugou, it has to be over. It has to or all the work I spent building up myself after that will be for nothing. I didn’t cry myself to sleep to crawl back into your arms at your call.”

“Thanks for coming by, and thanks for letting me love you.”

With that the door was closed, and the final part of your broken heart healed.

To the first boy who lit me a flame. Does your heart still remember my name?

[drama-and-tv]

First half of 2020 tv shows/dramas completed

SO apparently, my original blog “may contain sensitive media” (how my original blog contains them, I have no idea because I don’t think I have ever written nor posted anything that is inappropriate) so here I am, making a new one even though there are just so so many thoughts I poured in that blog since the beginning of 2018. 

I wish I could put all of the contents from there here. But since I don’t know how to do that, I shall only put up my thoughts on the things that I have completed watching this year (2020) that I have put up from there.

With that being said, here they go... most of them in the original words that I had typed/written from last time. My only change will be the rating (now I shall use the numerical rating since I have figured how to rate things properly in numbers now) :

Season 2 of Sex Education was such a delight to watch! While I do feel that it lacks some Otis and Maeve’s interactions (and wtf is that cliffhanger?), I feel that the other characters are given the opportunity to flesh out and have really good story lines. Definitely a step up to Season 1!

FINAL RATING: 9/10

Bad news: The third part/season of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina is the worst part of the show that I’ve watched so far. Good news: I still somewhat like it.

The main issue of this new-released part is how messy it is story wise. There are far too many things going on that it felt a little bit too chaotic - like there’s the Pagan storyline, there’s that Faustus storyline etc etc. It’s just too much.

What makes me still enjoy it is because of its characters. I am attached to the characters and I wanna see their journeys in this show. For instance, Ambrose and Prudence are probably the standouts in this season because they are just super badass here.

Overall, it’s okay. I would still watch this show when the new set of episodes are released.

FINAL RATING: 6/10

Honestly, Chocolate would’ve been better or ranked higher if they cut down the number of episodes - from 16 to maybe just 8.

Despite its melodramatic tone and ridiculous story line, I actually really enjoyed the initial episodes. I mean okay, the time jumps are a bit too much but I was sold on the emotions and the characters. It’s a melodrama, for crying out loud - it’s not meant to be realistic.

But then, for some unknown reason, it got draggy around the second half of the drama. And it affected my love for the drama. It was like they put a brake on the main plot and save for it the last episode (which it did).

This does not mean that it’s not a good drama. For the most part, I actually enjoyed it and I was invested in the characters’ journeys.

Just that it could be better.

FINAL RATING: 6/10

Honestly, Black Dog was not a drama I thought of watching. The posters and the plot did not make me feel compelled to watch it because for some reason, I thought this drama would be something like those corruption dramas or corporate dramas - while I can enjoy those kind of dramas, I do have to be in the ‘mood’ to watch them.

It was only when I started seeing some gifs/images over Tumblr that I started to consider it. And when more and more people raved about it, I knew that I just have to check it out.

And just like what these people said, it was good. A really good drama, actually! I think what I love about this drama is how realistic it really is. I like that I can actually relate to the world and the characters in the drama. While Haneul and I don’t share the same type of field, I can empathise with her struggles in obtaining/maintaining her employment and sitting for the certification exam. I can empathise with how she tries to navigate the world of school and teaching.

All I know is I have definitely cried or teared up in some of the episodes. (that’s really a feat cause the last time I cried like this in a tv show/drama is season 3 of Anne with an E and we all know how I feel about that show.)

I also love how there is a good balance between drama and comedy in this drama. While this is primarily a drama, I like that it doesn’t feel heavy. It makes it easier to watch multiple episodes in one sitting.

If there is one minor problem with this drama, it is that it feels like the main drama ends with 12 episodes and the remaining 4 episodes are the epilogue or extra episodes. While the remaining 4 episodes are still pretty good, it has somewhat cooled my love for this drama. However, I do appreciate it and it gives a good look at what happened after Haneul’s first year of teaching.

With that, I have contemplated on whether to give this drama the best rating I could give in the drama or the second best. Considering that there is barely any flaw in this drama, I shall give it...

FINAL RATING: 10/10

Season 2 of Kingdom did not disappoint. It maintained the same energy and intrigue that it brought in the previous season. There’s the excitement, there’s the high-quality production and there’s never really a chance for it to falter or drag. Its pacing remains consistent and I remain hooked to the end. I also like that this show does not end in an agonising cliffhanger - it wraps up the main plot that was introduced in the first season and at the same time, teases on what is to come in the possible season 3.

Overall, a really good season!

FINAL RATING: 9/10

I gotta admit, Crash Landing On You was a pretty nice watch! I initially had quite low expectations for this drama - I have hard time being truly engaged in big budget romcoms because they tend to be unrealistic and too fluffy (and I like my dramas pretty realistic).

But to my surprise, I actually really like it. The episodes (particularly the first half of the drama) were candies to the mind and to the eye! Yes, this drama is hella trope-y and there’s a lot of moments which are very unrealistic and are there to be flashy and amp up the romance. But you know, something about this drama just works.

Of course, like a lot of k-dramas, the second half of the drama is less addictive to watch. But it was still a pretty good watch. I mean, it got my mum really addicted and my brother to finally watch a k-drama beyond Kingdom after all these years.

FINAL RATING: 8/10

For someone who doesn’t know shiz about baseball, Stove League was still a very good drama to watch. It has that underdog story (in this drama, the under-performing baseball team for 2 years in a row, Dreams) that makes it easy to root for. It remained tight and consistent throughout its run. Its tone is very balanced - has good balance of serious and comic relief.

And most importantly, it’s not very hard to like the characters that matter.

Overall, very solid drama!

FINAL RATING: 9/10

When the Weather is Fine is really a good drama to watch at the moment, during the midst of this current pandemic. Even though initially (the first episode) it did not win me over due the drama’s slow pace, I gradually enjoy watching it regardless of its pace and eventually, I was hooked.

This drama has a very calming and “healing” aspect to it even though the subjects dealt can be serious. I like that even though there’s some serious issues here, the drama remains well-balanced and still has plenty of light-hearted scenes. Lim Hwi (the male lead’s younger sister) is definitely my favourite character in this drama as she brings a lot of sunshine to the table with her innocent teen self. Also, the comforting presence of the community (whether it being the Good Night Book Club member or the people/families in the neighbourhood etc) along with naturally serene setting make the drama feels warm.

With that, I recommend watching this drama, especially to anyone who wishes to seek comfort and feel warm.

FINAL RATING: 8/10

Netflix’s Never Have I Ever was an unexpected treat for me. I did not know the existence of this show prior to its release. I did not see any of its promos/trailers etc. So there was no expectations whatsoever prior to watching it.

My brother and I only happened to stumble upon it when trying to find something to watch on Netflix. So you can say that this was a present that came out of nowhere because as soon as I just went into it (within the first few minutes), I already really like it!

This show was funny. It was relatable as someone who comes from an Asian background. And most importantly, it has plenty of hearts. Trust me, I was tearing up when watching the last two episodes of this season (I sincerely hope that the show will be renewed for the next season).

Definitely a really nice show to binge quickly as it only has 10 half-hour episodes.

FINAL RATING: 9/10

Find Me in Your Memory was a pretty decent watch. Yes, it is a very standard kdrama in the sense that the plot is very very generic and there are so so many obvious tropes here. However, its characters and the chemistry of the main leads still made it worth a look. This drama might not be the most unforgettable or unique drama out there, but it is very easy to watch and it makes a good addition to anyone’s watchlist if you want something straightforward and not complicated.

FINAL RATING: 6/10

Man, A Piece of Your Mind could have easily been this perfect drama that I’ve ever watched this year had it only retained its original length. It is not to say that this drama is not good - it is as of now, actually one of the top dramas among the dramas I’ve watched this year.

This drama basically fits the type of drama I typically love: a realistic drama which examines more on its characters and focuses on emotions etc. Yes, I know people have complained that it is very slow but to me, that was part of its charm. I love slowly getting to know its characters and how they are feeling etc. I like being emotionally connected to them and follow on their journeys.

So I’m just sad the drama was cut from 16 episodes to 12 (reason being because of its low number of audiences). While the drama did its extreme best in making it work and it does not affect the main plot of the drama other than speeding things up nor does it really diminish my enjoyment for this drama, I’m just sad on what could’ve been if they were able to keep the extra 4 hours to the story. Like, we could’ve gotten better exploration on the characters etc (especially for instance that character who was played by the evil mother in law from Search: WWW and the Eunjoo’s Homestay residents and even frigging Hoon, Hawon’s colleague... like why was he even in the grandma’s house in the countryside?) . Things would’ve been more... organically unfold.

Despite all this, I still really enjoy watching this drama and I still remain invested in the characters’ journeys etc. Our main leads’ relationship feels warm and comforting. The vibe of this drama is just my kind of taste. And most importantly, I feel comforted watching it until the end.

FINAL RATING: 9/10

With that being said, those are some of the shows/dramas that I have completed up until now. Others that I have completed are season 2 of The Sinner (5/10), ITV’s Belgravia (6/10), Netflix’s The Circle France (soooo entertaining with plenty of drama and strategies, 8/10), season 18 of American Idol (8/10) and most recently, Netflix’s Extracurricular (I will eventually share my thoughts on it soon).

Stay tuned.

[recentanimenews]

FEATURE SERIES: My Favorite One Piece Arc with Maffew

  I love One Piece and I love talking to people who love One Piece. And with the series going on 23 years now, there is a whole lot to talk about. As the series is about to publish its 1000th chapter, a true feat in and of itself, we thought we should reflect upon the high-seas adventure and sit down with some notable names in the One Piece fan community and chat about the arcs they found to be especially important, or just ones they really, really liked.

  Welcome to the next article in the series "My Favorite One Piece Arc!"

  My next guest in this series is Maffew, creator of the popular pro wrestling web series Botchamania. For my chat with him, he chose the Alabasta Arc, in which Luffy and his crew not only have to save a desert kingdom but also topple Baroque Works and its powerful leader Crocodile.

  A note on spoilers: If you haven't seen the Alabasta arc yet, this interview does contain major plot points. Watch the Alabasta arc starting RIGHT HERE if you'd like to catch up or rewatch!

    Dan Dockery: So I guess my first basic question is, let’s say for some reason, I got to the end of Drum Island and I said “Well, One Piece ends here for me. This seems like a good finale.” What would you tell me to keep me going into the Alabasta Arc in one sentence?

  Maffew: Well, after Chopper has made all the kids cry, you’ll need pickin’ up.

  That’s pretty good! What was the impetus for you getting into One Piece? What made you want to jump into an anime that’s nearly one thousand episodes long at this point?

  I think I tried watching it on YouTube back in 2009, and I just couldn’t get into it. At that point in my life, I wasn’t ready for a character like Luffy and his adventures, and I couldn’t wait for the villains he fought to kill him. So I dropped it. A year later, I’m in Germany and this wrestler ACH was doing a Q&A panel for this German wrestling organization called WXW. And ACH is a REALLY big One Piece fan, and even dresses up as Luffy in New Japan and Ring of Honor. And I was like “Hey, you watching JoJo?” because that was my thing at the time, and he was like “No, no. Just One Piece.” I said, “What else are you watching?” “Just One Piece.” And I’m like “Wait, what? Just the one?” But he was sellin’ it to me like he was a One Piece ad on QVC. And guys like Steve Yurko are so passionate about it, and if one person tells ya to watch something, you’re like “Eh, whatever,” but if five people tell you, you start to pay attention. So I’m gonna blame ACH and my good friend Steve Yurko for this.

    What do you like about this arc in particular?

  You get so much wonderful worldbuilding. They go to Alabasta, meet up with Mr. 2, and it’s one of those cool interactions where they’re meeting, but they don’t know who they are meeting exactly, like when they meet Blackbeard in Jaya. So later on, they’re like “Oh, it’s THEM!” There’s a real sense of everything not being really pre-determined at this point. It’s building everything through a bunch of pirates just doing stuff. Ace shows up, knocks out some assassins so he can get his royalty checks.

  That’s such a funny way to put it.

  Then we get Kung-Fu Dugongs, and they’re a pretty pure expression of One Piece. They’re all synchronized, they’re adorable, they play their part amid all the serious stuff, and they’re completely ridiculous, but they work anyway. And it’s with Alabasta that Eiichiro Oda starts to perfect the tropes that he puts into place throughout, with the new islands, the new leader who everyone loves but is actually a bad person, the crew having to deal with him and the Navy, them having to help put someone back in their position, etc. And even though, on paper, it reads like “Well, he’s gotta beat this dude and this dude and this dude,” it’s so much more chaotic and less formulaic than you’d expect. It keeps things interesting. 

  I agree. I like how he takes all of these pieces and he’s consistent with them, but Oda always plays around with how he sets them up.

    But it’s all a foot massage before the real reason to watch Alabasta: Sir Croc. 

  Are you a big fan of him? That dude is so cool, conniving and powerful. He’s kinda the perfect villain. 

  Back when I was being miserable and first watching One Piece, I really liked him. I like the design, the sand powers that could actually pose a threat. I always appreciate it when a villain provides actual tension. It’s like why I think Goldeneye is still the best James Bond film. Because Alec Trevelyan is constantly reminding Bond “Remember, I could kill you. I’m from the same place as you. I can take your exploding watch and just, eh, I’ll stop that then. Thank you.” And Luffy loses twice to him in the three-match structure that really works here as it did for wrestling in the 70s.

  How so?

  So you’d have somebody like champion Bruno Sammartino and someone like Ivan Koloff or one of the Wild Samoans or Stan Stasiak. They’d have one match where the hero would beat Bruno by disqualification. Bruno’s still around to fight, but he’s lost. Luffy survives being thrown in the sand, but he’s been beaten. Then they have the second match, where Bruno would win because the villain would just give up and leave and get counted out. Luffy attacks Crocodile with water, but it’s not enough, and Crocodile just kinda leaves Luffy thinking it’s all done. And then Bruno would be like “Oh no ya don’t. Next time, you won’t be able to escape, because we’re gonna be in a cage match.” And then Bruno wins, just like Luffy wins by punching Crocodile up through that giant enclosed space. He escapes the cage.

      It’s just so satisfying and that’s a great way to describe it. So, villains in the series have had extensive crew members before, but they haven’t been as recognizable and colorful as Croc’s crew, Baroque Works. Do you have a favorite member?

  They’re all good in their own way, but at this point, I’m gonna go with Mr. 2. Eh, that’s probably too obvious an answer…

  Mr. 2 is a lot of people’s favorite member. 

  Oh, who cares. I’ll go with Mr. 2. I like how Mr. 2 interacts with everyone, having fun with the boys and fighting Sanji with kicks but respecting him. 

  So, in this arc, there’s a lot of government intrigue and a revolution is about to happen, and everyone’s dissatisfied with their perception of the monarchy. How did you react to all of this political drama in One Piece? 

  Well, it’s great because you have Vivi, and you get to learn her motivations and because she’s on the crew, it gives you a reason to care for the crew and how all of the political intrigue affects them. Without her, you’d just hear about a war and say “Oh, sorry about that. Hope it goes well.” And with all this lore being thrown at you because you have Vivi and that connection, it’s adding to the main conflict, rather than distracting.

  Yeah, Vivi really grounds it all with a personal attachment. Because otherwise it’s just savin’ the kingdom, which is cool and they’re good for it, but it doesn’t have the same impact. So, they did this back in the Arlong Park arc, but what returns here is the kind of 1 vs 1 match structure, where a member or members of the enemy crew are matched up against a Straw Hat or Hats. Mr. 1 has knife body parts, so he’s obviously gonna fight Zoro. Mr. 2 kicks and Sanji kicks, etc. What do you think about that kind of matchmaking, because it’s also a little wrestling-esque.

    Yeah, right, like if you have D-Generation X fighting the Nation of Domination, you can’t just have The Rock fighting Triple H. Ya gotta have D’Lo Brown vs X-Pac and The Godfather vs Billy Gunn. I like it because the characters feel like they have to prove themselves, like Zoro’s a swordsman, and he’s gotta test himself against another swordsman. And Usopp does it when he fights Mr. 4 and Miss Merry Christmas with Chopper, because they have a weird dynamic and they’re fighting two people and they have no clue what they’re up against. 

  So, at the end of the arc, they do the iconic “We can’t let Vivi become associated with pirates so we’ll hold up the X symbols on our arms in solidarity” pose. What did you think about that? Because it’s one of the most famous images in One Piece, and it’s hard to avoid it, even if you’ve never watched the series. Was that your first time seeing it?

  It actually was. And I’m glad you brought this up because I was watching it and I thought “Wait, they’re just going? They’re not even keeping the duck?” And then they do that with the X and the original opening starts playing and I get goosebumps just remembering it. That really hit me. Because it finally got me really emotionally invested in the series. Made me feel a bit cheeky. 

      ONE PIECE LIGHTNING ROUND!

  So, considering you’re such a huge pro wrestling fan, your lightning round is gonna be a bit different. I’m gonna say a Straw Hat that’s in the crew at this point and you tell me which wrestler they’re the most like. You can also tell me what time period they’d fit the most in, since wrestler personalities tend to change. So, Luffy?

  Gotta be Cena. Specifically? With Luffy’s attitude? Probably 2015 defending-the-United States-Championship John Cena.

  Zoro?

  He’s all business, he likes to fight. So I gotta go with Cesaro.

  Sanji?

  Going with Eddie Guerrero.

  Usopp?

  That character is all over wrestling - the underdog who isn’t very good and uses every trick in the book to win. Gonna go with MJF. He had one of my favorite matches of this year against Cody Rhodes and he just had to use EVERYTHING to beat him - brass knuckles, distraction, chairs, everything he could to get that win. But he could be MJF, could be The Miz, could be Mikey Whipwreck from ECW, take your pick.

  Nami?

  Hmmm. Becky Lynch. 

  Chopper?

  KeMonito 

  Robin?

  Oh, she shows up after being booed for ages and you’re supposed to like her, so 2019 Charlotte Flair.

      Stay tuned for the next installment of "My Favorite One Piece Arc" as we speak with One Piece's official English manga translator Stephen Paul on his favorite One Piece arc: Skypiea!!

      Daniel Dockery is a Senior Staff Writer for Crunchyroll. Follow him on Twitter!

  Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: Daniel Dockery

[snowysweettea-blog]

I uninstalled snapchat...and this is how it went down

Background

      I am gonna be completely honest, I don’t have the best relationship with social media. I live alone and I feel like with the who coronavirus situation it has been pretty lonely. I used snapchat to fill the void that the virus left in my social life, and at first it worked. I got closer to quite a couple people during online school, and I developed an expectation for snapchat. I thought as long as I had snapchat I could keep in contact with everyone, and that meant I would be happy. But expecting an app to make you happy only leaves you with disappointment.

        One of my closest friends from college started being more distant on the app when our semester wrapped up. I blamed myself, and started overthinking the whole situation. Streaks became overwhelming and my mental state slowly started shutting down. I was falling apart because the people I cared about weren’t being as responsive as they once were. I felt ridiculous, stupid even, why should I care if other people don’t respond? They are busy, they have lives outside of me. As petty aa it was, that stung the most because it felt like I wasn’t doing anything with my life, while all my friends were living and having fun. I felt insecure and vulnerable due to my loneliness, so I uninstalled the app.

The Process

        I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t extremely difficult, because boi oh boi it was. I had to break so many streaks that were over 200 days long. I would no longer be able to talk to my best friends through the app. i started to feel immense guilt and loss. I felt like because of this one decision I may lose several friendships and I didn’t know if I could deal with that. Was I overreacting, probably but I just had so much anxiety regarding the app that I was projecting it in every way imaginable.

      I posted on my private story saying I loved everyone and that I was gonna be uninstalling the app for a bit. Some of my friends reached out and asked why, while others didn’t. I point out this moment for a specific reason. I don’t like testing people, it feels wrong and manipulative. I feel like I was constantly noticing this with snapchat, it made me feel like I was inadequate. Lol I just sound super insecure, which I probably am, but it was hard. I had built up such a heavy and unhealthy reliance on Snapchat that I was constantly reading way too much into everything....whoops

     I wanted to be able to appreciate my alone time, and be more productive with my life and not feel like I have to prove to other people that I too have a life. I was embarrassed about how much I was posting on my story, and yet I wasn’t stopping myself from doing it. It was just such a miserable process. The first two days were the worst, all I could think about was the consequences. But after a while I stopped caring. I would call with a lot of my friends on discord, so I still felt connected, but it felt way more personal because of the voice chat.

     I was no longer constantly being disappointed by having to wait hours or late into the night for my friends to respond, since they would just hop onto voice chat when they were free. I still feel bad and guilty and think about the day I will finally be able to reinstall it. But part of me knows I made the right decision, it was what I needed. I still cry myself to sleep every night, but at least that is the only time of day (or night) that I am crying, so that’s a win in my book.

Conclusion

      Ok, I haven’t reinstalled it yet, I am still learning how to stand on my own two feet, and deal with my loneliness without it. I feel myself being so much happier, and wanting to be happy. I’ve gotten into dance, and now I am writing this post. I felt like my emotional state was tied down to whether people responded to me or not, and that felt so emotionally draining, and it held me back from being able to enjoy my life. So if you're going through something similar and are feeling overwhelmed by social media, remind yourself its okay to take a break. Breaks are a healthy part of day to day life and we all need them sometimes.

PS: I have no clue how to use tumblr

[melaniedgriffiths]

Paul McCartney and the persistence of memory

The Beatles were the first band I ever became a fan of. The first Beatles album I ever bought, the Blue compilation double CD was one of my most treasured possessions as a teenager, which was pretty wild stuff considering I didn’t even have a CD player to listen to it (instead it was kept locked up in my wardrobe). I remember having my first real young adult conversation at 13 with my mum as we drove down to her farm in Margaret River with The Beatles for Sale playing in the car and myself covered in chicken pox. I’ve seen The Beatles Anthology documentary so many times it’s like cracking the spine of a favourite dog-eared book. In 2009 I heard the Love album and 3 years later when we actually saw The Beatles’ Love show in Las Vegas I considered it a dream come true believing it to be the closest I would ever get to a Beatles experience.

Having now seen Paul McCartney in concert and been fortunate to meet him, there is no way to overstate McCartney’s impact on music and fans alike. Name another concert where every song is a familiar hit, where the setlist spans the better part of century? As the tour made its way around Australia, I went from delirious anticipation to keen observer as every city he performed in led to glorious, unabashed adulation by fans and media alike.

In my travels as a music reviewer I’ve seen a number of shows and been up close to a number of well known people along the way but I don’t get starstruck that easily. However when I received a DM from Frontier Touring telling me I had won the opportunity to meet Paul McCartney, whilst I was making dinner and listening to Wings mind you, I screamed so loud and long that Macca may have well have heard as he practiced down the road at The Regal Theatre.  

The Saturday before the concert I was in my backyard in the late afternoon sitting in front of a wall of purple bougainvillea recording myself so that I could enter this competition to meet Sir Paul McCartney. Speaking loudly, trying to not look crazy and probably causing my neighbours concern since our yards are close together, I mumbled at one point, “fuck this is embarrassing” then admonishing myself, knowing this was once again one of those times I had to really go for it. Once I uploaded the video I knew that was as good as I could do yet I also thought, if I don’t win, however disappointing it may be, that would be okay too. I was already going to the concert (which was already a huge life goal) so if I was supposed to meet him I would. That subsequent DM threw my world into a dervish as I couldn’t stop veering from sobbing to jumping around the house as I processed the enormity of what this meant to me.

Luckily on the day I didn’t cry in front of him, not that I felt like it, I just felt stunned as he said ‘Hiya’ and shook my hand, and then cheerfully answered questions from fans and several awestruck reporters. Then as he and his band started a private performance it wasn’t until I’ve Got A Feeling that I felt like I was gonna break as my mind flitted like a rolodex through the hundreds of moments where my his music has touched my life. I never thought I would ever actually see Paul McCartney in concert, let alone stand in front of him and actually have his gaze fall upon me as I giddily made my way through asking a question or have him perform metres away from me. I’m making it sound dramatic I know but he is one of my surrogate-guardians. From the age of 8, his music has comforted me, made sense of my world, provided perspective, or given me escape when life got too hard.

This is in part why music has been so important to me and why when he strolled out on stage at NiB Stadium on the 2nd of December with that slopey gait, I felt complete elation. But I wasn’t alone, I was one of 24,000 who had a dream come true that night. Forget he played for three hours, forget he played without break or did an eight song encore coming in at around 40 songs by night’s end. What he gave, on his One On One concert, was a stage show that was as huge as his legend like the visual spectacular of Live And Let Die, and in the smaller moments felt as intimate as listening to McCartney in private such was his simple delivery of Blackbird. Buffered with stories that he must have told hundreds of times before but were received by the audience like a first sip of wine, it was a concert that was engaging and personable.

Several years ago I saw Kanye West give a flashy show that was a self-indulgent, bloated ego stroke with West finishing the night with a “Perth… you’re welcome”. I think West is an amazing artist but that doesn’t extend to performing. When I saw Prince last year at the Perth Arena, he captivated 14,000 with just his personality and a piano by connecting with people from the front row to the back. It’s this unique ability that makes for a magic concert, something that McCartney has mastered. 

At the end of the concert I must of looked bereft but I was just emotionally spent at knowing that I had just seen the greatest concert in my life, because when you know, you know. As my friends and colleagues all began to debrief their thoughts and reviews over the oncoming hours and days, it was the same for them too. Everyone mentioned that they had witnessed something extraordinary and a stage show that won’t be matched for a long time.

Since the 1960s McCartney has gotten up on stage, Hoffner bass in hand, and given himself up to the full brunt of energy from thousands of people. For a long time it was a manic craziness but later it became adulation and gratitude from the millions of people he’s affected. At the heart of it, it’s people from all walks of life offering him love for those 3 hours, which he in turns gives back to every concert-goer with performances that really have no comparison. Simply, McCartney practices what he preaches which is “in the end, the love you take, is equal to the love you make”.

[adambarnardphotos]

The Undertaker and The Undeniable Truth

The crowd booed loudly as The Undertaker walked down the entrance ramp of the Spectrum in Philadelphia in 1992. Led in the ring by the equally pale and slightly more unnerving Paul Bearer, Undertaker set his sights for the ring, ominously sizing up his opponent. I felt the warmth of the stadium dissipate, giving way to a cold that ran up my spine, or so I had thought I’d felt. I sat with my eyes wide open under the bent brim of my Seattle Mariners hat, mesmerized by this gigantic and, apparently undead, man walk slowly and methodically towards the ring. I had no idea what “kayfabe” meant as a squirmy seven year old. I just knew this thing was the scariest thing I’d ever seen, and that my attention was completely focused on him. I was so entranced in his entrance, I couldn’t hear the roar of the crowd as his opponent, Jake “the Snake” Roberts, entered the ring to begin their match. I was captivated by the energy, the pageantry, the excitement of a WWE (then WWF) live event, and The Undertaker captured all of that by himself.

That day at the Spectrum was a wonderful touchstone in a lifelong fanaticism with professional wrestling. My brothers and I spent hours acting out all of our favorite promos from the Ultimate Warrior, belting out the theme songs of our favorite Superstars, and became deeply distressed at any sign of Hulk Hogan losing the upper hand. Saturday mornings were sacred, the squared circle our church, and the Superstars our Biblical figures, with their storylines as hallowed as the stories of Moses and Abraham. I can’t think of my childhood without the thought of the WWE in my mind. My brothers and I agonized over which Superstar would win the Royal Rumble and who, if anyone, would beat the Undertaker at Wrestlemania. WWE had grown with us, with Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage giving way to Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels, then giving way to The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin. Each year that passed brought a new storyline to become deeply involved with, new drama to be captivated by, a new Wrestlemania to desperately wait for.

We couldn’t have known as children the impact The Undertaker would have on professional wrestling and a generation of children, including the wide eyed, brown haired little boy in the nosebleed section of the Spectrum that day in 1992. His storied career has spanned more than three decades, the majority of that time as “The Deadman”. We watched him slay giants, be buried alive, become one of the darkest villains in the history of sports entertainment, transform into the American Bad Ass, and then take his rightful throne as the real “Mr. Wrestlemania” (sorry, Shawn Michaels, but you know it’s true). Last night, after his loss to Roman Reigns at Wrestlemania 33, the Deadman placed the pieces that made him iconic in the middle of the ring and symbolically brought an end to his historic career.

Life is funny sometimes. Some days bring reminders of good moments in your life. A cigarette smell brings you right back to the afternoon you spent swimming in your Uncle Lon’s swimming pool, while he enjoyed his Marlboro Lights and black coffee on the covered porch of his Levittown home. A crack of a baseball bat connecting with a 98 mile an hour pitch sends you to the hazy summer afternoon spent in the blue seats of Veterans Stadium with your brothers, dad, and favorite perpetual teenager, Uncle Rick. Waves crashing against the sandy beach transports you to the summer of your first vacation crush when you went to Cape May Courthouse with your mom and brothers, and the impending heartbreak that comes with saying goodbye when the trip is over. While her name has been eternally lost in translation between your short and long term memories, you can see her brown hair blowing in the wind as you threw sea shells into the ocean with her, and you can hear her laugh at the terrible joke you told her seconds before she kissed you. Wonderful, amazing moments that push the course of your life in new, exciting directions, and these life receipts, whether tangible or connected to senses, connect you directly to your past.

Other days are reminders of mortality and the unstoppable aging process that precedes our inevitable fate. Those reminders perpetually yield an absolute sadness, a melancholy that lingers over my daily routine like an obnoxious itch on your leg after a mosquito bite. It’s like a bitter aftertaste from a terrible drink your brother swore was delicious, and you knew better than to trust him on his decision making, but you drank it anyway, and no amount of water will dilute its foul remnants. No one and no actual thing prepares you for each loss you experience in life, nor do they buffer you from the successive losses of your childhood that accompany each passing year. There’s no guide to prepare for the first major loss in your life, as Uncle Lon slips away from cancer. The life lessons and tough skin Uncle Lon’s passing brought most certainly did not prepare you for the loss of Uncle Rick, also from cancer. Although you were older when Uncle Rick got sick, and you “convinced” yourself you could handle it because you knew it was coming, that the inevitability of his passing was sealed in his book of life, you’d literally give anything to sit and enjoy a Burger King cheeseburger and talk Phillies with him for another five minutes. You lose close friends by way of accident, and each loss never gets easier, as if I’m expecting the sudden, unexpected, and emotionally devastating passing of Scott Palek to somehow cushion me from the air constricting, guttural reaction I experience when learning Jeremy Fischer passed. Forty pounds and twice a day anxiety medicine told me that I wasn’t cushioned at all. They all become immediate reminders that the only constant in life is death, and, to quote John Mayer, “we’re never going to stop this train.”

Wrestlemania 33 brought one more reminder of this nonstop train. I remember speaking to my wife a few days before Wrestlemania 33, and saying, “I can’t believe Taker’s wrestling again. I don’t know how much more his body can take. He’s getting older, he’s probably past time to hang it up.” I said these things, not at all expecting him to do just that. I had the same thoughts about Goldberg, Sting, and other titans of professional wrestling coming back for one more round. Like Goldberg and Sting, The Undertaker owes us no more than he’s already given us. He’s entertained me, my brothers, and legions of fans across decades, putting his body and safety on the line in death defying, jaw dropping, heart pounding fashions, each and every time. I, like so many others, plead for more entertainment, more excitement, more action, but in reality, we’re pleading for a return to times long past. We project these fleeting wishes onto The Undertaker, a man who represents the last tangible piece of those times. The Undertaker hasn’t transitioned into that next plane of existence, like Robin Williams, The Ultimate Warrior, Chris Farley, Ryan Dunn, and countless other people, places, and things that no longer exist but in memory. The idea of him, however, his aura, and what he represents, now joins that plane in my mind. The Undertaker was the last tangible piece of my childhood that existed. I could watch his matches and remember that day vividly in the Spectrum, and become lost again as a child, discussing with my brothers whether or not was really dead and what was really in that urn. As I turn the calendar of another year of life, I find myself a year older, and another year as a father. I’ve shifted the life roles from child to father, and my father has become the wise grandfather, imparting wisdom and guidance on days where I can’t imagine my children acting any worse, and him gently reminding me that days like today don’t come back, and the better way to view life was to just breath and enjoy the ride. I snap back into the moment, looking towards two sets of little eyes above chocolate covered faces, and then repeating the Aladdin song to hear the sweet singing voice of my oldest serenade me one more time.

The seven year old boy is crying quietly, arms draped on the railing of the Spectrum, pulling his bent brimmed Seattle Mariners hat over his face to hide the tears, as another one of his heroes, and another, perhaps final, piece of his childhood makes the inevitable transition from present to past, short term to long term memory, taking its place with Uncle Lon, Uncle Rick, lost loves at the beach, and infinite life receipts, to peek out from time to time to remind us of who we are, the roads we’ve traveled, and where we’re headed next.

But I’m sitting here, typing through tears, saying “…maybe one more match for us? Please?”

Thank you for everything, Mark Calaway. You have made my life better and enjoyable in measurable ways I’m not sure I could accurately describe, and I thank you for every single moment of joy, excitement, and entertainment you’ve provided me.

[g-rightnow-blog]

Bully

Right now it's 4:12am I can't sleep. It has been a very difficult day for me. My sister and I fought again. At first I started it. She touched my things and that spark inside of me became a ball of fire. I shouted at her to stop and to leave my privacy alone. I've always been letting things go when she does shit like this to me but at that moment I feel I can't anymore. Why should I always let things go her way? I hate it! I hate it when she change my sheets, I hate it when we got to get her permission to change the sheets (bc she was afraid we mess that stack of sheets up), I hate it when she washes my things hang my things and all of it! And even if I do it myself, she'll be insisting it's not up to her standards. I don't know if I'm thinking right but I feel like cleaning up makes her feel superior and being in charge of most of the chores at home. She always say if she don't do will I do? I will but just not as frequently as her but maybe once a week. But her standard is to do it everyday and she'll inspect every corner of dirt and hairs etc. Anyway, after I told her to stop it she suggested for an exchange that I start picking up hairs on the floor keep the sink clean(no hairs or food particles) toilet clean (no menstrual stains, henna stains, mask stains etc) fridge clean (no stains no fallout of vegetables and fruits) stove clean (no stains) dishes all dry and in order, hangers all shapes and sizes in order, hairless surroundings all over the floor. Etc etc. I agreed as long as she stop invading my privacy. It's not as if I'm that dirty but I'll pick it up when I see it. Excuses? Well, for the sink at the toilet one I admit sometimes I get lazy, but I'll pick it up once it dries. As for menstrual stains and mask stains I really can't help it if its stuck at a corner of the toilet. Like after you shower do you inspect every part of the toilet floor? She only gets to see things I don't because she is the one that washes the toilet. And just when you think this is over... No. After I agreed she started harping on things that what if I don't do this what if I don't do that what if I don't follow it what if she still sees hair lying on the floor etc etc. I told her to stop it because this is a "right now" thing. And this is where she insist I promise her before and I didn't follow it. But from what I remember I only promise her before that I will clean the hair in the toilet sink (I didn't promise for the other things she wanted). But yes I broke it in the end because she started touching my things again. How could you expect one to keep up with something when you yourself do not have the ability to? And then it got even worse she started digging old stuffs to talk from young till now all the mistakes I've done towards her. Isn't all that shit over? Whenever we quarrel she always do this and it just becomes a never ending thing. But don't play victim. Have she not done shit to me? Do I have to blame myself for bad memory and for letting things go so easily? Or am I trying to be the bigger person to show I'm the superior one the mature one? No. I feel that holding in all the negativity inside of me does not make me a happy person at all. I do not think this way before but once, when we were younger but not that young maybe I was I can't remember 12 or 13, we got into a fight and one part, I pushed her with all my might and her head hit the wall real hard and she fell from the bed to the floor. It was very loud and really unforgettable. At that moment I hated myself I was in shock I didn't know I could actually do this and she was crying in pain. I hugged her rubbed her head and apologised profusely. I wanted to win the fight but I really felt horrible about the outcome. Since then, when we fight, I don't know if she can tell but I only use 50%. I was afraid the same shit happen or what if I went crazy during fights and she dies? Yes for this maybe a little dramatic but it could happen right? If you say karma, not really because it takes two hands to clap. I hurt her and she hurt me too. But do not say this is a build up thing because we have been fighting since young and I believe all siblings do have moments like this and we, like other siblings, use to make up till the day I discovered that she could be a monster (I realised when during one of the fights she would use all her might and even when I stopped or having really bad bruises or even blood she would go all means to continue the fight like she couldn't think straight and it look almost as if she was possess by a demon. Her eyes look different and I knew she was already out of control.) I thought I would've died if it wasn't that my mom came to stop her. And that was when I decided to distance myself from her. But if a negative incident can be forgotten/faded/erased, why not? As long as it don't matter anymore why make it matter when it's already over? Like am I suppose to argue back how she mess my drawer and stole my sticker book or tore my homework when she was a child? Or how she stepped on my hair when i was lying down and she refused to apologise by digging old matters up again? Because it's over, it's pointless. Am I suppose to hate her and always dig these up when we quarrel? We grow, we change isn't it? Oh God, I'm at the naive side again. She didn't change. Back to the story, My dad came out of the room, spoke to us and reassure I will do what she wants me to do if she stop touching my stuff. (It takes alot for me to agree to this because my things is my things why must I give up on my privacy to satisfy her ego. Isn't it more fair like I don't touch her things and she don't touch mine? But I gave in for peace and for my privacy.) It stopped. It went pretty peaceful for a minute till she started again. Picking on my flaws and habits like how I like to leave things around, put my things on the sofa how selfish I was because people cannot sit on it ( my home has 2 long sofas and 2 single sofa if that's what it's called. I only put my things on half of 1 long sofa and people hardly come my house and even if there is, I can ensure enough space for 6 people to sit) and how a LEAF from my box of strawberries fall in the refrigerator and that I didn't clean and how I use my leg to close the refrigerator, etc . Can someone understand me now? Having to love with so many rules and I swear I didn't even see the leaf drop out and if I knew I would pick it up. And the refrigerator part yes I use my leg to close the bottom compartment of it but seriously who hasn't before? And the bottom compartment is full of my things. Even my things in the fridge upsets her like my yakult and milo, she has to unpack it bc she didn't like the plastic on it like she felt that the packaging is trash. Is this a joke? And she wants to control the refrigerator and the living room? Is it safe to say that she craves for power because she feels inferior towards the outside world and gaining full control of the home makes her feel good? Is my room the only place I can be in? And it is absurd when she said if I wanted people to stop touching my things I should follow her rules too. I only have one and she have like a million of it! I went crazy I started throwing all my books to make space down the trash bin connection from my house. I was so angry at how absurd can she be. I took my things off the sofa as well. I threw most of our book collection (mostly mine tho and she managed to retain 2 of her books when she realised I was about to throw it and I could still ask her to choose which one she wants to keep, I'm so out of my mind) just to make space for my stuff. I kept slamming the trash bin as I throw my stuff I was trying to let my anger out. Then she stopped me, screamed at me what if I spoil it and they have to spend lots of money to fix it. Girl, you are the one who drove my crazy can't you be thankful that I'm slamming that thing and not your face. At that moment I can't think straight I was overwhelmed with that amount of rules and control I have to bow to, and this was my only way to vent my anger but why must she control how I vent my anger as well? Is she trying to slowly gain control of my human right as well? My anger doubled, I screamed back at her telling her not to interfere and if shit happens I would pay and be held responsible. But no she continued to stop me and again, repeating on the history part with a taunting tone. I told her to stop and she didn't want to even when I tried to ignore, she was like a broken record player. I felt so emotionally distressed. And here comes the disaster. I did wrong it was a great mistake but yes I went really crazy. How would you feel if someone kept repeating non stop on how terrible you are as a person and how all the "mistakes" I've done shouldn't be forgiven. It made me feel bad about myself and deep down I knew I wasn't the person as she described. Yet I still fall for it because I felt accused. I grab 2 bowls, initially I just wanted to threaten her to stop. I never meant to throw it but she thought I was going to so she threw a red bucket(yes it broke) at me and one of the bowl on my hand dropped while I was trying to not let that bucket hit me and she started went crazy as well,insisting that was a favorite bowl and it can never be bought, limited edition etc. (Note: whatever breaks will automatically become her favorite something so I didn't feel guilty for that. She can deny all the way but if anyone was in my position, you can definitely sense the act.) So she used the chance to hit me with all her might, continued her taunting. I was pushing her away, I was quite sure I didn't hit her. I just wanted her to shut up but she won't stop and the hitting continues. I use the other bowl to divert her attention. I broke 3 bowls altogether but it didnt stop her. I felt very tired already. Mentally strained. The hitting and scratching does not hurt anymore I felt numb. I even offered her to break my favourite bowl too. I was very desperate and not myself. But she only cared about the money how much the bowls cost and how not thrifty I am by spoiling other things as well etc (And if you think I went crazy just because of the words she said, trust me, she did the exact same shit to my mom multiple times too. My mom went crazy too. But nobody gets to see that sight of her. She was an angel and very polite to strangers/coworkers/relatives outside even if she dislike them. But she would badmouth them at home.) My dad got out of his room again. She went on to complain to him. I felt helpless, it was as though I'm the only trouble maker again and she was the angel. The floor was full of broken glass bits. I was begging my dad to stop her. I'm not very close to my dad and we are not on very good terms. But my vulnerable side gave in. She started taking pictures of the mess (as evidence) that I was the trouble maker. And then my dad realised there were blood stains all over. It was only then I knew I had several cuts on me. And nothing on my sister. Yes, my sister went on saying how dirty is my blood and about the bowls I've broke that I only know how to create trouble because she had to clean up the mess. I did offer to clean up but she snatch the broom from me and made a snobbish remark that my cleaning will not reach her expectations and standards. Double standards much? Kept harping on how I don't do chores yet forbiding me to do it? Really? I told her to delete those pictures and stop blogging about me. (She had this blog about me where she notes down all the "mistakes" I've done towards her.) Then she brushed me off that she didn't have a blog about me. Just because I try to forget most of the bad things don't mean I could completely erase my memory. I said I remember you saying it before. And then I regretted not keeping the whatsapp convo we had before. It was only then she admitted that yes but it's her own private blog and for personal reference. She was afraid that I deny these one day. I felt insulted because I wouldn't stoop so low to be in the same level as her. The last thing she said to me, " I cannot help it if you cannot control your emotions, I'm not responsible for the way you deal with your emotions." But hey, Google the definition and types of bullying first. She's like a walking cctv noting down every move of me that she hates. It's very frustrating when youre doing things and you know theres this pair of eyes somewhere. When I'm cooking when I'm washing dishes when I'm hanging clothes when I'm eating. Oh she also said I dropped bread crumbs on the floor and didn't clean up. And I was like OH MY GOD, when was the last time I ate bread at home. TO MY "SURPRISE", she replied, "In May"! Wow! Great memory! Why she didn't she use this in her studies? Always supervising me in secret that I keep things clean. Cut the act. If you want to act do it well. She always think that she's doing a great job at it but I've seen enough of her actions already. CAN I SAY THIS IS STALKING AND THIS IS AN INVASION OF MY PRIVACY? Previously she inflicted bruises on me as bad as today was a few years back. I took pictures then but I ended up deleting them just because I thought things became better. I didn't like the idea of remembering such things till I google some stuff that the right way is to gather evidence and so I can file for protection order against her. I really regretted it. I felt so foolish. So many times I wanted to move out but this is the last straw. (Note: I don't really hit her much as before when we fight these few years so bruises mostly on me, at least the more major ones. My friends all disagree on my choice for letting her all over me like this. But like I said before I didn't want that same unforgettable incident to happen.) I blame myself for the incident that happened today. It wasn't supposed to be this way. I deserved it in a way or another because I know that you cannot communicate with a person who is closing the doors on you by digging up old stuffs. I was impulsive. I apologised to my dad but I didn't feel sorry towards her. Anyway, please know it is a basic human right to have privacy and be free of emotion abuse caused by another being. It is no longer the slaves era and we should not let anyone control our lives like this. We are living for ourselves. I've seen my mom living like that wasting her youth away and I needed to put a fullstop to this. I've finally given up the idea on giving people chances or waiting for people to change. It is not going to happen. Some people remain stagnant and I've got to accept the harsh truth even if it's a family member. Blood is thicker than water does not apply to modern times anymore. I've seen too much of family going against each other in the real world. Even money is not afraid of water or blood. It's made of plastic now it's waterproof. And I hate myself for always using the kinder approach but not anymore. I'm going to be a more selfish person and treat myself better. My next move may be hurtful to my dad but I need to protect myself. Don't try to keep me by your side when you cannot protect me. And it suck though he didn't really blame me much and insisted he didn't side my sister, he actually did. I'm sorry.