#but it got delayed so much and it even became a series

[silentgravesdontexist]

Okay, I think it's official? I will be posting a series from now on? Well...technically, I'm already close to finishing the draft to the first chapter.

"At Love's Mercy" is the title. Here's pretty much context to the world-building/set-up. It's Fantasy AU! Portgas D. Ace x Reader.

...I have no idea what I'm doing honestly.

[minkiverse]

CHOI SAN FIC RECS

Poly!Ateez Pt. 1 - Pt. 2 - Kim Hongjoong - Park Seonghwa - Jeong Yunho - Kang Yeosang - Song Mingi - Jung Wooyoung - Choi Jongho

Here it is the behemoth 😭😭 i knew this one was going to take some time but it had multiple delays due to irl stuf but IT IS HERE NOW!!!! except i could not fit it all in one post so a part 2 will come out eventually (after poly!ateez pt 2 most likely) n e ways Shout out this man who harassed my tiktok feed until i became double biased i lov him sosososososooooo much🥹🥹

DISCLAIMER none of these works are mine and majority are MATURE 18+, please read all warnings before reading!!!

Key:

✨ - My Favs

🔥 - Smut (MINORS DNI)

⛈️ - Angst

💗 - Fluff

🍑 - Humor

SERIES

ceilings pt 2 pt 3 - @yoongiseesawmp3 ✨🔥⛈️💗 Single Mom AU ✧ PE Teacher!San

i dont want to spoil anything but there is a good chance you can figure out this trope, which i know is not for everyone BUT I EAT THAT SHIT UP EVERYTIME!!!! this is just the cutest fluffiest lil series i ever read like I LOVE THEM!!!!

The Art of Climbing the Corporate Ladder pt 2 - @ennysbookstore ✨🔥⛈️💗 Office AU

i am still so mad at how long it took me to get around to reading this because man. I LOVE THIS FIC!!!!! i literally was telling my irls about it because the plot twist at the end of pt1 got me so fucking good 😭😭 i am truly in love with this san like i have no other words than please read this two shot it is incredible (also read every other work by this author pls)

ONE SHOTS/DRABBLES

what lies beneath us - @hongism 🔥⛈️💗 College AU

destiny - @tainsan ⛈️💗Time Travel AU ✧ Idol AU

Drowsy - @sxcret-garden 🔥

Am I your favorite? - @deja-yu 💗

Unholy Night - @kitten4sannie 🔥 Priest AU

Untitled - @yourfatherlucifer 🔥

Eggnog Confession - @stayteezdreams 💗

Mr. Jealousy - @sanhwaism 💗🍑

Convince Me - @littleocean-rose 🔥

Untitled - @k-hotchoisan 🔥

Sunrise - @sorryimananti-romantic 🔥💗⛈️ Soldier AU

Untitled - @sxcret-garden 🔥

incubus: coming of age - @byuntrash101 🔥Incubus!San

in the quiet spaces - @honeyhotteoks 🔥💗

Stay Focused - @beginningofwonderland ✨🔥 Office AU ✧ Tutor AU

god the tension between these two 😩😩😩 their banter is so flirty like even when san is helping the mc out with uni stuff its just sooooooooooooo 🤌🤌🤌🤌 it gives off a bit of romcom vibes WHICH I LOVE!~

Dry Humping with San - @littleocean-rose 🔥

chocolate - @mingigoo 🔥 Brother's Best Friend AU

obsession - @cheollipop 🔥 Mafia AU

Untitled - @sxcret-garden 🔥

[7:30 am] - @destiny-fics 🔥

Untitled - @k-hotchoisan 🔥

Tired - @thr34t2sanity 🔥

Untitled - @sxcret-garden 🔥

pool side - @beatteez 🔥

Depths of the Ocean - @joong-of-gold 💗 Office AU ✧ Single Dad!San

Untitled - @jeon-ify 🔥

superstar - @bro-atz 🔥

A Little Secret - @choism 🔥

Untitled - @cheollipop 🔥

Untitled - @orgverse 🔥

choi san boyfriend texts - @koizekomi 🍑

Wander though my body - @armpirate 🔥

misunderstandings w/ san - @beenbaanbuun ⛈️💗

Interlude | Opening Sequence - @luvt0kki 🔥⛈️ Sci-Fi AU

Untitled - @eightmakesonebraincell 💗 Friends to Lovers AU

prelude in e minor - @bro-atz 🔥⛈️ Professor AU ✧ Infidelity

motive - @yunhoszn 🔥 Gym Partner AU

u got it bad - @yoongiseesawmp3 ✨🔥💗 Baseball AU

I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH!!!!! how this author writes banter is just so real and funny and you just can't help but be charmed by san and mc!!! as a former sports anime fan, i love a sports au ok it will hit EVERYTIME!! and this is one the bests truly!

Love Death + Robots - @kitten4sannie 🔥⛈️ Cyberpunk AU ✧ Stripper!San

kiss me more - @miirohs 💗

Tall Trees - @sluttywoozi 🔥.⛈️💗 Personal Trainer AU

take a picture - @jeon-ify 🔥

y'know what they say about guitarists - @lomlhwa 🔥 Band AU

stretch marks w/ san - @beenbaanbuun 💗

[8:50pm] - @moamidzyism 🔥Neighbors AU

imagine being in a secret relationship - @byeolbeloved 🔥💗Badyboy!San

cockwarming w/ san - @beenbaanbuun 🔥💗

Boyfriend San - @cheeseceli 💗

roadtrip - @lomlhwa 🔥

leave the window open - @sungbeam 💗 Neighbor AU

crimson - @hwaslayer ✨🔥⛈️ Nightclub AU ✧ Stripper!MC

how these two just fall in love is so beautifully written 😭😭 its such an interesting dynamic but san so forthcoming with his feelings i could melt 🫠🫠 AND THE SMUT IS FUCKING INSANE 😩😩

backstage backshots with san - @kitten4sannie 🔥

the scentist - @k-hotchoisan 🔥Neighbor AU ✧ Scentist!San

steamed milk - @yunhoszn 🔥💗 Barista AU

Last Christmas - @kitten4sannie 🔥⛈️💗 Exes to Lovers AU

It's You - @minisugakoobies 💗 Roommate AU ✧ Best Friend's Brother AU

Stern, but sweet - @bvidzsoo 💗 Teacher AU

Trip Shenanigans - @hee0soo 💗 Dad!San

pretty kitty - @k-hotchoisan 🔥 Hybrid AU

periods w/ choi san - @beenbaanbuun 💗

untitled - @brainddeadd 🔥

Day 8 - @multifandomfantasies ✨🔥

as a large sub!ateez enthusiast this should not be shocking 🫠🫠 i just love a needy desperate san so much and this fic 😩😩 boy does it deliver

gold rush - @kitten4sannie 🔥 Cowboy AU

to taint you soul - @seonghwaddict ✨🔥⛈️ Incubus!San

when i went into reading this i just thought it would be pure demon smut, but like i fell in love with the mc and san so easily 😭😭 like the plot is devastating and how san like just takes care of the mc is soooo 🥺🥺🥺🥺 THE SMUT IS ALSOSDFJSFJOGSJRSGJGJ yeah its good highly recommend 👍👍

untitled - @teeskzagain 🔥

tied up - @beenbaanbuun 🔥

celebrate for you - @cheollipop 🔥💗

untitled - @sluttywonwoo 🔥

too sweet - @yoongiseesawmp3 💗 Model AU

Give in to Me - @hwallazia 🔥

Filthy Lips, Loving Touch - @ja3hwa 🔥💗

Ateez San as your BF - @kisshwa 🍑

boyfriend texts - @beenbaanbuun 🍑

realistic sex with san - @byuntrash101 🔥💗

Underwater - @bvidzsoo 🔥⛈️💗 Greek Mythology AU ✧ Ares!San

kitten fever - @kitten4sannie 🔥 Hybrid AU

head to head - @bro-atz 🔥

middle of the night - @kitten4sannie 🔥

untitled - @choism 🔥

rollin' - @bro-atz 🔥

handy - @hausofwoo 🔥💗

san x chubby!reader - @sluttywoozi 💗

Treat You Better - @starskq 🔥⛈️💗 Friends to Lovers AU

untitled - @thetypingpup 🔥 Stripper!San

knots - @bro-atz ✨🔥💗 Masseuse AU

i didnt think i had a thing for this au but i love it everytime! when mc just gets a really good fucking massage and then a real good fucking too aaadfsgsgfgdf but this is honestly so intimate and warm feeling and just san man 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

[wackus-bonkus-maximus]

In the special, why emonette couldn't make a wish? Was it because of Supreme leader?

hello october anon, i'm very sorry for the delay i've had such a time but believe me when i say toxigriffe hasn't left my brain. i'm about to give you so much more of an answer to what you asked (but dw there will be pictures)

so it looks like whatever seal plikki have on their mouths does belong to the supreme. and it appears that even in their true forms this seal still lasts.

and it's not just a block either. it seems like resisting actually hurts plikki, like a shock collar.

and then right after marinette makes the wish, the seal appears again beneath her feet.

whatever power the supreme has, it's more powerful than the wish. but what could have made the supreme so powerful to begin with? my theory is this: the supreme got a hold of the ladybug and black cat miraculous (maybe even the whole miracle box) and made a wish. we don't know what it was, but it seems that there's evidence enough to back up the inclusion of the clause that no one can supercede their wish. that's what makes them the supreme.

lets take a look at what the miracle box looks like in fu and then marinette's possesion:

and then here's the supreme's (from the intro), complete with their symbol and everything:

doesn't it look like the symbol of the order of the guardians?? just with an x superimposed over it??? and since fu had the lb & bc miraculouses at the start of the series, maybe this miracle box that the supreme acquired as the guardian also had those miraculous. that's how toxigriffe ended up getting their proper miraculous in the paris special!!

i think the intro is telling us a story of what happened, actually. first, the supreme got a hold of the miracle box. next, they made a wish. (i assume it's an image of the wish, given what the wish looked like in re-creation)

the image splits into hexagons, with the one with the wish happening forming in the center. i'm guessing all those other hexagons are parallel worlds, and this world in the center is the one the supreme became the supreme of

then we get an image of this person, who i assume is the supreme, given the giant x they are standing in front of - the same symbol that blocks the guardian insignia on the box and on plikki's mouths. like all the fractured worlds featured in the previous image, the supreme stands in the midst of fractured pieces of what looks like glass.

maybe all the shards represent worlds the supreme has tried to take over before, but failed to. maybe they are all the worlds the supreme has conquered already. or maybe the broken mirrors are meant to parallel the supreme to poor emonette, whose misuse of her powers (under the supreme's threat of her life) have fractured her body and soul.

but unlike emonette, the supreme doesn't have the miraculous of creation. the supreme isn't the girl who can fix anything.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, YOU WANNA KNOW WHO I THINK IT IS? (you know who i think it is!!)

to begin with, we get this sneak peek of the supreme's suit. those colors are unmistakeably purple and gray (and green but idk why that's there).

who know who else would have a purple suit?

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE HAS AN X SHAPE?

YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED AT THE END OF RE-CREATION?

YOU KNOW WHO CAN GRANT UNIVERSE-HOPPING POWERS??????

the person with the butterfly miraculous, that's who.

maybe there's a reason the supreme wants the butterfly back so badly. the toxigriffe universe is a universe where the supreme doesn't have a complete miracle box after all. at least, it was when we left off.

but maybe s6 will change that.

[kyojurismo]

Emergency r.

Hello! Could I request how would Giyuu, Muzan and Douma react to getting caught about to have sex or in the middle of it by your parents? I thought about something funny and kind nsfw to cheer me up a bit, like poor parents. I think a modern setting could work better (?) idk😓

Thanks for what you do for us and take care💓

▸ ANSWERING. hello anon! i’m sorry it took me longer than expected, i wasn’t really in the mood to write for it & i’ve had a kinda bad day on my own so. i wanted to thank you for your kind words and once again i apologise for the delay <3

▸ FANDOM. kimetsu no yaiba

▸ CHARACTERS. giyu tomioka, muzan kibutsuji & douma (upper rank two) x fem!reader

▸ RATING. nsfw

▸ WARNINGS. modern au! smut, unprotected sex (don’t be stupid guys), um tiny bit of degradation, getting caught, not proofread

GIYU TOMIOKA

you were back from college for a while and your boyfriend decided to pass by, taking the opportunity.

you knew it was risky. you didn’t knew when your parents would be precisely back but you wanted to do it anyway.

giyu trusted you, of course. that’s how you two found each others on your bed. your hands tightly holding to his shoulders, legs wrapped around his waist, the sounds filling your old bedroom were your moans, his grunts and the smacking of skin on skin.

“fuck— missed y-you so much,” his low voice filled your ears for a moment, followed by a whine. the way he was thrusting into you felt amazing, the stretch was too good; you missed feeling this close to him.

“i’m so close, baby. oh shit— giyu!” you arched your back, your walls tightening around giyu’s cock, who started twitching while filling you with his cum. you two came together… right in front of you parents.

when you tiredly glanced at your open door, you almost screamed and tried to desperately cover you both. “mom!” your cheeks were so red and you noticed giyu tensing up and he struggled to move and cover himself as best as he could.

your parents closed the door, shouting apologies and a series of sorry for interrupting. you covered your face with your hands and sighed.

“i think i-i won’t show up for a while,” he muttered, staring at the ceiling in shock. you turned to him, “what— you’re so dramatic, i’m sure they got caught at least once in their life… they’ll get over it.”

“plus, they can’t really hate you for making me cum,” you winked, making him blush even more if possible. you bursted out laughing and giyu’s chuckles quickly followed, fortunately.

somehow, you were more concerned about your boyfriend than your parents.

MUZAN KIBUTSUJI

your parents had a spare key of your apartment, just in case. you invited them over for dinner, so you could let ‘em meet your boyfriend.

what you weren’t expecting was how they would actually meet him for the first time.

your hands were gripping the back of the couch, holding you steady as muzan fucked you from behind. his hips were thrusting into you slow but hard.

“i want more! please,” you cried, moving your hips to meet his thrusts. “what a needy slut, you can’t get enough of this dick huh?” his voice went straight to your core, your arousal kept gushing around him. “look at how wet you are, shit— keep taking it like a whore.”

you arched your back while he finally started moving faster, his dick hitting all the right spots inside your warm channel. your whines became louder when he randomly spanked your butt, sending shots of pain through your body followed by those of pleasure.

“hey honey, we’re her— oh my god!” your dad’s voice snapped you out of your dazed state. “d-dad!” you pushed muzan back and looked for something to cover yourself. they were quick to turn around, giving you some privacy. “oh god,” you whispered, embarrassed.

“well, good evening,” muzan glanced at them, his hips covered by one of your blankets, a shit eating grin on his flushed face. of course he wasn’t embarrassed.

“quit it,” you muttered and slapped his chest, a bit sticky with sweat. “i was just welcoming your parents.”

DOUMA

you asked your friend to leave the dorm room so you could have some private time with your boyfriend, coming from another college. you were grateful they accepted without hesitation.

but you forgot your birthday was the following day and your parents wanted to surprise you by coming and take a cake to celebrate together, even if it was a small thing.

“i missed you so much, petal,” douma’s hands were caressing your hips, staring up at you. your breasts swayed with every movement, and he found it hypnotising. you were so beautiful sitting on top of him, riding his cock.

“m-me too baby,” you whimpered and kept jumping on his lap, his head hitting your cervix repeatedly making you gush hard around him. you moved your hands to rest on his chest and started moving with a bit more desperation, seeking the approaching orgasm. douma simply watched you, amazed and in love.

“that’s my girl. you’re close, aren’t you?” he moved one of his hands between your legs and he used his fingers to circle your throbbing clit, adding extra stimulation. “oh fuck! i’m close, don’t stop!” your voice trembled as your body was filled with jolts of pleasure, you arched your back.

“fuckfuckfuck! i’m—” you stopped talking when you came hard around his dick, your walls convulsing around him. douma grunted and thrusted up into you to guide you through it, his hands gripping your hips so tightly.

the door opened soon after and your mom almost dropped the bag with the homemade cake, your dad mentally passed out multiple times. “h-honey…” she tried to speak, trying to avoid the scene in front of them.

“mom!” you squealed and pulled a blanket closer to hide yourself and douma’s hips. he giggled under you, his hands still on your waist. “have you ever heard of knocking?!” your face was burning with embarrassment while douma sat up and made you moan lowly due to him moving, still seated inside of you. “w-we wait outside, let us know when we can come in,” your dad exited with your mother and closed the door, their voices were full of embarrassment.

“fuck,” you placed your forehead on douma’s shoulder, sighing deeply. “oh baby, they ruined it for you?” he muttered, smirking. “you’re– how can you not be embarrassed?” you glanced at him, noticing he was as lively as usual. “you’re the only thing on my mind, i don’t care about the rest,” he simply shrugged before kissing you passionately.

you momentarily got lost in the kiss, caressing his warm cheeks. but then you remembered your parents were right outside the door and you pulled back, starting gathering yourself. “try to seem ashamed for at least five minutes,” you muttered to your boyfriend, who nodded while holding back a laugh.

▸ BEFORE LEAVING. reblog and comments are super appreciated. thank you for reading guys, have a nice weekend <3

[goblinontour]

Ablaze In The Rearview

and its bitter aftertaste, indeed

series masterlist

warnings: prof!al, age gap (not specified), angst, fluff, nothing really happens, just a bit of background to some stuff i’ve referenced

word count: 5.3k

Alex had loved her in a way that he thought love was supposed to be. Whole, consuming, unwavering. He loved her so much it hurt sometimes, but in that good, comforting way that made you feel like you were tethered to something solid, something worth fighting for. He’d thought he was doing everything right, that he was following the unspoken rules of how to be a good partner. 

He made sure to call when he said he would, remembered the little things that mattered to her. Her favourite brand of tea, the way she liked her pillows fluffed just so before bed. He didn’t forget anniversaries, or birthdays, or the small moments in between. He listened when she spoke, even when her stories sometimes drifted into things he didn’t fully understand, like the dramas at her work or the subtle complexities of her friends’ relationships. He was there for it all, like you were supposed to be when you loved someone.

They’d been together for years, and Alex was certain she was the one. He had planned their future in his head, every step neatly laid out. They got a place together that wasn’t just his, not just hers, but theirs. They’d talk about kids, eventually. He could already imagine her smiling as she mentioned names she liked. There were even late nights when he’d catch himself thinking about what their daughter might look like, if she’d have her smile or his eyes.

And then there was the ring. It wasn’t extravagant, but it was beautiful. He’d spent months saving for it, putting aside whatever he could from his teaching assistant job. The pay wasn’t much, just enough to cover the bills and the occasional night out, but he’d been careful. He skipped coffees and lunches with colleagues, cooked at home instead of eating out, always telling himself it would be worth it in the end. He reminded himself why he was doing it. She deserved something special. And even though it wasn’t a massive diamond or a custom piece, it was enough. He told himself that over and over again.

He kept the ring hidden away in his sock drawer, tucked beneath layers of fabric, where he knew she’d never look. Sometimes, late at night, he’d pull it out just to hold it in his hands, imagining the day he’d finally give it to her. He could picture it so clearly – the way her eyes would light up, the smile that would break across her face when she realised what he was doing. He imagined getting down on one knee, his heart racing, and asking her to spend forever with him.

But the longer he waited, the harder it became to find that perfect moment. Each day passed, filled with opportunities he let slip by, excuses he made to himself. Maybe next weekend, he’d think. Maybe after the holidays. Always waiting for some magical instance when everything would fall into place, and he wouldn’t feel the weight of his own fear.

Deep down, he wondered if he was delaying it because he knew something wasn’t right. But he couldn’t admit that to himself – not then. Not when he’d poured so much of himself into this idea of them, this dream of the life they’d share. He clung to it because he needed to believe in it, in them, even if a small voice in the back of his mind whispered that something was wrong.

But maybe that’s what love was – pushing past the doubts, holding on despite the uncertainty. At least, that’s what he told himself. So, the ring stayed in the drawer, a symbol of all the love and hope he had for her. 

Maybe it was just fear. He’d been waiting for the perfect moment, but it never seemed to come. There was always something that didn’t feel quite right: a minor argument, stress from work, her pulling away just a little bit more. Every time he thought he’d found the right time, something would come up, and he’d convince himself to wait. Just a little longer. 

But he never realised that he’d run out of time, that the perfect moment wouldn’t exist.  

He had been so wrapped up in trying to keep everything together, trying to be the perfect partner, that he hadn’t noticed when things started slipping. Or maybe he had noticed, but he didn’t want to admit it. There were signs, of course. Her phone always seemed to be buzzing, but she never told him who it was. The nights she came home a little later than usual, her explanations vague and hollow. The way she smiled at someone else’s message more often than she smiled at him.

It had all been right there in front of him, clear as day, but he hadn’t wanted to see it. 

Or maybe he was just that stupid. Maybe he really hadn’t seen it. Maybe he’d convinced himself too thoroughly that he was the problem, that he was the one pushing her away, that his own insecurities had clouded his ability to see the truth.

There were nights when he lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, her warmth next to him, her breath steady in the darkness, and he’d tell himself everything was fine. He’d force himself to believe that the distance between them was temporary, that it was just a rough patch like all relationships had. He loved her, and she loved him. That’s all that mattered, right?

But now, looking back, he wondered if he’d been pathetic. He wondered if he deserved what had happened. Deserved to be cheated on, because maybe he wasn’t enough. Maybe if he’d been braver, if he’d asked her to marry him sooner, things would’ve turned out differently. Maybe she wouldn’t have felt the need to find someone else, to look for something he couldn’t give her.

Am I really so easy to replace?

That thought gnawed at him constantly, even now. The way it had happened, barely behind his back, as if she didn’t even care enough to hide it properly. The late texts, the casual lies about who she was with. He could still remember the moment when it all came crashing down, when he finally saw the truth for what it was. The guilt in her eyes, the way her words tumbled out, trying to justify something that couldn’t be justified. 

But by then, it was too late. 

He didn’t get a chance to propose. He didn’t get the life he’d planned. All he had left was the ring in the drawer, a relic of what could’ve been, and the sickening realisation that maybe he’d deserved it all along.

Maybe if he hadn’t been so scared of losing her, she wouldn’t have slipped through his fingers.

There was one day, in particular, that stood out to Alex now, one he’d brushed off at the time, telling himself it didn’t matter. But as the years passed, that day had grown heavier in his memory, its significance sinking deeper into his gut each time he thought of it.

It had been a normal day, or at least it seemed that way. The two of them had spent the morning together, lounging around the apartment. She’d smiled at him, kissed him when she thought he wasn’t paying attention, her touch light and affectionate. Sunlight poured through the windows like it begged for relaxation, but instead, tension hung in the air like a heavy mist. Alex sat at the small kitchen table, absently stirring his coffee as his mind drifted. 

“You’re quiet today.” she said, not looking up from her task. Her voice was casual, but he could sense the undercurrent, the silent question lingering in the air between them.

Alex sighed, setting his mug down with a soft thud. “I’ve just…had a lot on my mind lately.” He hadn’t wanted to overthink it, to stir up trouble where there wasn’t any. She wouldn’t do that. Stop being so pathetic.

She finally glanced at him, a hint of annoyance flashing across her face before she smoothed it over with a smile. “Work stuff?”

He hesitated. “Not just work.”

The silence that followed was suffocating. She didn’t press, not right away. She never did. That was part of the problem. They’d stopped talking about the real things, the hard things. Instead, their conversations felt like rehearsed lines from a play they no longer believed in.

“Alex.” she finally said, turning to face him fully, wiping her hands on a towel. “What’s going on?”

He met her eyes, searching for the warmth and understanding that used to be there, but now all he saw was a guarded expression, like she was bracing herself for an argument. He felt a pang of guilt for what he was about to say, for how he was feeling, but he couldn’t keep pretending anymore.

“I don’t know.” he started, his voice softer than he intended. “I feel like…like we’re drifting apart.”

Her eyes narrowed slightly, lips pressing into a thin line. “What do you mean by that?”

“I- I don’t know.” he repeated, running a hand through his hair, the frustration bubbling beneath his calm exterior. “It’s just…we don’t talk like we used to. We don’t laugh like we used to. It’s like everything’s…changed.”

She took a deep breath, crossing her arms over her chest defensively. “So, what? You’re bored with us now?”

“No.” Alex said quickly, feeling a twinge of irritation at her assumption. “It’s not that. It’s just…I don’t know, something feels off. I don’t feel as connected to you as I used to.”

Her gaze hardened, and for a moment, he thought he saw a flicker of something behind her eyes. Pain, maybe. Or is it guilt? “Maybe you’re the one pulling away.” she shot back. “Maybe you’re the one who’s been distracted lately.”

He blinked, thrown off by her accusation. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about how you’re always ‘busy’ with work, always tired, always…distant.” she said, her voice rising with each word. “Don’t put this all on me.”

“I’m not putting it on you.” Alex said, feeling the frustration mount. “I’m just trying to figure out what happened to us. We used to be-”

“We used to be what?” she interrupted, her voice sharp. “Perfect? Happy? Newsflash, Alex, people change. Relationships change. You think you’re the only one who’s noticed?”

“What are you saying?” he asked quietly.

She hesitated, her arms tightening around herself as if she could shield herself from the truth that was bubbling up between them. “I’m saying…maybe we’re not as right for each other as we thought.”

The words hit him like a punch to the gut. He hadn’t expected her to say it out loud, hadn’t expected her to give voice to the fear that had been gnawing at him for months. “You don’t mean that.” he said, though his voice sounded uncertain even to his own ears.

“I don’t know.” she replied, her voice softening. “Maybe I do. Maybe we’ve been pretending for too long.”

He wanted to argue, to tell her that she was wrong, that they could fix it, but the truth was, he wasn’t sure anymore. Somewhere along the way, they’d lost each other. And as he looked at her now, standing across the room with that familiar look of uncertainty in her eyes, he realised that maybe they’d been lost for a lot longer than he’d wanted to admit.

The sound of a phone buzzing on the counter broke the silence, and she turned to check it, her face softening as she read the message. Alex’s stomach twisted as he watched her, an unsettling feeling creeping into his chest.

“Who’s that?” he asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

She glanced at him, a flicker of guilt flashing across her face before she shrugged. “Just a friend.”

His heart pounded as he watched her type something back into her phone, her fingers moving quickly, the slight curve of her lips a silent response to whoever was on the other end. His mind raced, thoughts swirling in an uncontrollable spiral.

She wouldn’t cheat on me, he told himself. Why would she? She wouldn’t throw him away. But then, why had her face softened when she read the message? Why had she lied, called it “just a friend” when it screamed something else?

No, stop it, his inner voice berated him. You’re being paranoid. He was overthinking things, letting his insecurities get the best of him, just like he always did. He knew he had trust issues, he knew he could be a little…possessive, though he’d never shown it outright. But this wasn’t about her, it was about him. His mind, his fears. Maybe she was right, maybe he was the one pulling away, making her feel distant. Maybe that’s why she was texting someone else in the middle of their fight, because he hadn’t been enough lately.

He swallowed hard, trying to push away the knot of unease in his chest. Stop making it about yourself, he thought. She’s probably frustrated because you’ve been distant, and now you’re pushing her further by questioning her. This is on you, not her.

The words tasted bitter, but he believed them. He had to.

“I’m sorry.” he blurted out suddenly, the words rushing past his lips before he could stop them.

She looked up from her phone, her brow furrowing. “For what?”

Alex’s mind stuttered, unsure how to answer. He didn’t even know what he was apologising for. He just needed to fix this. He needed her to stop looking at him like he was accusing her of something, needed her to forgive him, to pull them back from the edge he feared they were approaching.

“For…for everything.” he said, his voice quieter now, laced with the guilt he put on himself. “For being distant, for making you feel like I don’t care. I don’t want to push you away.”

Her gaze softened, her fingers stilling over her phone screen. She didn’t say anything at first, just looked at him, as if trying to decide whether to let him in or push him further away. Alex’s heart raced, waiting, hoping she’d take the olive branch he was offering, even though he still wasn’t entirely sure what he was asking forgiveness for.

After what felt like an eternity, she sighed and set her phone down on the counter, folding her arms back across her chest. “You’ve just been…off lately.” she said, her voice quieter now, less defensive. “It feels like you’re not really here with me anymore.”

“I- I know.” Alex admitted, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “I’ve been stressed with work, and maybe I’ve been taking it out on you without realising. I didn’t mean to. I never want to hurt you.”

She studied him for a moment, her eyes searching his face, as if weighing his words. Then, finally, she let out a small sigh and nodded. “I know you don’t.” Her voice was softer now, more vulnerable, like she’d been waiting for him to say this. “But sometimes it feels like…I’m not enough for you anymore.”

Not enough? How can she think that? She was everything to him. But then, perhaps that was part of the problem — maybe he’d stopped showing her how much she meant.

“That’s not true.” Alex said quickly, his voice urgent now, filled with regret. “You’re more than enough. You’re everything…I’m sorry I haven’t shown that.”

Her lips pressed together in a thin line, her eyes dropping to the floor as she absorbed his words. “I just…I don’t want us to fall apart, Alex. I feel like we’ve been slipping, and I don’t know how to stop it.”

Neither did he, but he couldn’t say that. He couldn’t admit that he was just as lost, just as confused. All he knew was that he didn’t want to lose her, no matter what was happening between them.

“We can fix this.” he said, almost desperate now. “We’ll work on it, okay? We’ll spend more time together, talk more. I’ll…I’ll stop getting so caught up in work.”

She finally looked at him, her expression softening a little. “You think that’ll fix everything?”

“I don’t know.” Alex admitted, his voice quiet. “But I want to try. I don’t want to lose us.”

She nodded slowly. “Okay. We’ll try.” She stepped forward then, placing her hand on his arm, her touch soft. “I’m sorry too.” she said quietly. “For snapping at you earlier. I just…I hate fighting with you.”

He nodded, giving her a small smile. “Me too.”

As she leaned in and kissed his cheek, Alex closed his eyes, trying to let himself believe that everything was okay, that this was just a rough patch, that they’d come out the other side stronger, or whatever people said. But the nagging doubt in his chest wouldn’t fully leave.

She picked up her phone again as she moved back to the counter, her attention drifting back to whoever she was texting, and Alex forced himself not to look, not to think about it. He’d already convinced himself that he was the problem, that his insecurities were the issue. He had to trust her. He had to.

Looking back on it now, he couldn’t help but wonder if that was the beginning of the end. A moment that should’ve been a red flag but was instead lost in his desperate need to believe everything was fine.

Maybe if he’d said something then, maybe if he hadn’t been so scared of pushing her away, things would’ve turned out differently.

Alex thought about that moment a lot — more than he ever wanted to admit, especially when you were next to him in bed, your body warm against his, your breath soft and steady in the quiet night. He hated himself for it, for letting those old memories creep in, for thinking about her when he had you. How can I still think of her? he wondered, his chest tightening at the thought. You’re right here, loving me, and I’m still letting her live in my head. You, who loved him so openly. You, who told him over and over again that he was enough. But no matter how much you reassured him, something in him wouldn’t let go.

Because even with your reassurance, the fear lingered. It wasn’t her that haunted him, not anymore. It was the scar she left behind, the fear that he wasn’t enough, that he never would be. I wasn’t enough for her…why would I be enough for you? She’d told him he was enough, too — countless times. She’d kissed him with the same lips, looked at him with the same affection, told him the same lies. And in the end, he’d found her with someone else. 

In his bed. In their bed. 

I trusted her, and look what happened. What if I’m wrong again?

He could still remember the look on her face when he walked in, the shock, the guilt, the way she tried to cover herself up like it mattered at that point. His world had shattered in that instant, the pieces falling too fast for him to even try to catch.

He hated that he brought you there, to that same apartment. What was I thinking? It hadn’t been theirs in a long time, but the walls still carried echoes of a life he’d once believed in. A life he’d planned. And he’d failed at. 

But then you showed up, and somehow, you managed to make it yours. How do you do that? You brought a warmth into the space that he thought had long since been extinguished. With you, the apartment felt different. It felt new. It wasn’t tainted by old memories anymore, not in the same way. You’d filled it with laughter, with love, with a sense of belonging that he hadn’t felt in years. You made me believe again.

And yet, in the quiet hours of the night, when everything went still, the fear crept in. The fear that one day, he’d wake up and find you gone, too. That he’d turn over in bed, and you wouldn’t be there. It was irrational, he knew that, but it was real. It was the fear that had burrowed deep into him, the fear that he was broken, that no matter how much you loved him, he would never be able to hold onto it. Why would anyone stay with someone as messed up as me?

He told himself that you were different, that what you had was different. It is different, he tried to remind himself. And in so many ways, it was. You made him feel seen in ways he hadn’t even known he needed. You pushed past the walls he’d built up after her, the ones he didn’t even realise were there until you started breaking them down, piece by piece. I don’t deserve you…but I want to. But still, late at night, when the world went quiet and you lay peacefully beside him, he couldn’t help but wonder if it was just a matter of time before he lost you too.

Because he’d been enough for her, once. And she’d still left. 

That was the thing that gnawed at him the most. Not the betrayal itself, not the anger or the sadness, but the quiet, suffocating doubt that it had planted inside him. The doubt that maybe, despite everything, he wasn’t enough. And that no matter how much you said it, no matter how much you loved him, that fear would always be there, lurking in the back of his mind. I’ll mess this up…I’ll push you away just by being afraid.

He turned his head, watching you as you slept peacefully beside him, your face softened by the moonlight filtering in through the window. You looked so at ease, so content, and for a brief moment, the fear ebbed away. You love me. In this moment, he was enough. You were here, with him. This was real.

But he knew the fear would return. It always did.

He tried not to be perfect this time. With you, he promised himself he’d be real, that he wouldn’t try so hard to live up to some impossible standard like he had with her. Just be yourself. But being himself was proving to be just as difficult, because underneath it all, he still felt just as…weak.

He felt weak for letting himself fall for you. I shouldn’t have let it happen, he thought. He wasn’t ready. But you came into his life so unexpectedly, and you were everything he needed without even realising it. How could I not fall for you?

And then there was the other part of it — the part he hated even more. He felt weak for letting you fall for him. Like he was setting you up for disappointment, like he was already halfway to failing you, just as he’d failed her. You’ll see it one day, he thought. You’ll see what a mess I really am.

He hated that thought. Hated that he couldn’t just let you love him, couldn’t just accept the happiness you brought into his life without second-guessing it, without questioning whether he deserved it. Weak, weak, weak, you’re so weak, the voice in his head taunted him, that same voice that had whispered to him after the betrayal, the one that told him over and over again that it had been his fault, that he hadn’t been enough.

He swallowed hard, trying to push the thoughts away, but they clung to him, refusing to let go. That feeling of inadequacy gnawed at him, even now, when you were right here, so close. He felt your hands rub over his where they rested on your stomach, soft and comforting, and he realised with a start that he’d curled into you even tighter without realising it.

Your warmth was steady. It pulled him back from the spiral in his mind. You didn’t say anything, didn’t ask him what was wrong or push him to talk about what was on his mind. You just kept rubbing his hands, your fingers tracing slow, soothing patterns over his skin. 

How do you always know what I need? he wondered, feeling his chest tighten with a strange mix of gratitude and guilt. He didn’t deserve this, didn’t deserve you. He wasn’t strong enough to let you see how deep the cracks ran inside of him. I don’t want to drag you down with me.

But at the same time, he couldn’t pull away from you. He needed you more than he thought he could ever need someone. And that was terrifying.

You shifted slightly, turning your head to look at him, and he met your eyes, trying to push the worry from his face, trying to be present with you in this moment. He didn’t want you to see how much he was struggling, didn’t want to burden you with the weight of his doubts. But you knew. Of course, you knew. You always did.

“You okay?” you asked softly, your voice gentle, as if you were afraid that pressing too hard might make him retreat.

He hesitated for a moment, the words he wanted to say caught in his throat. He wanted to tell you everything, wanted to open up in a way he hadn’t been able to before, but the fear held him back. What if you leave, too?

“I’m fine.” he said finally, though it felt like a lie. He gave you a small smile, hoping it would be enough to convince you, but he knew it wasn’t. He could see it in the way your eyes searched his face, looking for the truth beneath the surface.

You squeezed his hands a little tighter, offering him your quiet support, letting him know you were there. You didn’t push him. You never did, except when he needed it.

And he loved you for that. More than he could ever put into words.

“I love you.” he said, the words slipping out before he could think them. They were quiet, almost hesitant, like he wasn’t sure he should say them at all.

You didn’t hesitate this time. “I love you too.” you whispered back, so easily, so naturally. But something in the way you said it made him pause. Maybe it was the softness in your voice, or the way you held him a little closer afterward. 

He swallowed, the words lingering in his chest, but then they escaped anyway. “Do you?”

You stilled in his arms, the question hanging heavy in between you. He hadn’t meant for it to come out like that, hadn’t meant to question you, but the doubt had already bled through his voice, and now he couldn’t take it back. You pulled away just enough to turn in his arms and fully face him.

He lay there on his side, his expression carefully neutral, but his eyes…His eyes said so much more than he was willing to say out loud.

There was a quiet desperation in them, a flicker of fear he couldn’t hide no matter how hard he tried. His gaze searched your face, looking for reassurance, for something to hold on to. His lips pressed together, and his jaw tensed slightly, like he was bracing himself for whatever you were going to say next. You could see the uncertainty there, the vulnerability he never wanted to admit to. He didn’t want to seem fragile, but right now, in this moment, he was anything but strong.

His fingers curled tighter against your back, pulling you towards him as if that physical closeness could somehow calm his thoughts. He didn’t want to question your love. He hated that he’d even asked. But he couldn’t stop the thoughts from creeping in. 

His eyes were practically begging for an answer, for you to say something, anything that would make him believe it. But it wasn’t just a simple question. It was everything he hadn’t said. All the cracks he couldn’t hide anymore.

You could feel it in the way he looked at you. He was scared. Scared of losing you, scared of not being enough for you, scared that one day you might see him the way he saw himself. Weak.

When you asked him, “Do you feel like I don’t love you?” he looked almost embarrassed with himself, the way his eyes darted away for a second, his brows knitting together. His lips parted, but no words came out, just a shallow breath as he pressed them back into a tight line. The shame crept into his expression, a subtle flush creeping up his neck as if he’d been caught in a lie he wasn’t even aware of telling. 

“I love you.” you whispered, reaching up to brush your fingers against his cheek. He leaned into the touch, his eyes closing for a brief moment.

“I wish I could show you that more.” you continued softly, “Wish I could show everyone.”

He opened his eyes again, meeting your gaze, his expression softening at your words. There was a flicker of relief, but also a deeper longing for what you were offering. For that quiet reassurance he so desperately needed. He didn’t say anything right away, but the way his hand moved up to cover yours on his cheek spoke for itself.

The vulnerability in his eyes hadn’t disappeared completely, but it shifted slightly, like he was allowing himself to believe you. Even if just for a moment, even if the doubts would come creeping back later, right now, he wanted to hold on to this — to you. He wanted to believe that you meant it, that you saw him as more than his fears, more than his insecurities, more than the fragile person he felt like inside.

“I know you love me.” he murmured finally, his voice a little rough, like it was hard for him to say. “I just…sometimes, it’s hard for me to feel like I’m enough.” His thumb gently traced the back of your hand where it rested against his cheek, and his eyes softened even more. “It’s not your fault. It’s just- my head gets…messed up sometimes.”

You leaned in, pressing your lips gently to his, a kiss that spoke more than words could in that moment. It wasn’t rushed or forceful — you were just trying to pour all the love he needed into that one delicate touch.

Alex melted into you immediately as if his doubts had all momentarily slipped away. His hand moved up to cradle the back of your head, holding you there, like he didn’t want to lose that connection. His kiss was slow, tender, vulnerable, but there was a quiet, unspoken plea for this feeling to last.

He sighed softly against your lips, his fingers weaving into your hair as he pulled you just a little closer. You felt his body moulding to yours as he let himself sink into the comfort of your touch, the warmth of your love wrapping around him like a shield from the insecurities that usually gnawed at him.

“I love you.” you whispered again, your thumb brushing over his cheekbone as you stayed close enough to feel the warmth of his breath on your skin. His eyes locked onto yours, and in that moment, you could see the cracks in his armour, places where he was finally letting himself believe you.

His lips curved into a small, barely-there smile. Alex exhaled slowly, resting his forehead against yours. “Thank you.” he whispered, his voice barely audible but laced with so much meaning. 

He was holding on to you, and for once, it felt like he wasn’t afraid to fall.

a/n: i know it’s boring, i know. but i missed him and this made the most sense to me to get back into him.

[ticklygiggles]

You've got a friend in me pt. 3 | Yamaguchi, Tsukishima, Hinata & Reader

A/N: First fic from new commissions made by always kind and wonderful Max (@wertzunge)! As always, I apologize for the delay, but I hope you enjoy this fic Max! Thank you so much for always being so kind to me! ❤️

Words: 3k+

Summary: On a little school trip to Kyoto, Hinata seems to be very excited to have you around, but a certain freckled boy seemed to be a bit... upset.

Male!Reader. You can read part 1 and part 2 of this series!

The weather was beautiful: clear skies, warm sun and fresh air. Perfect for this trip to Kyoto. Your heart fluttered like a small caged bird inside your chest, the excitement ran through you from the tips of your toes to the crown of your head. It was your first time on a school trip to Kyoto- this was supposed to be an educational trip, (something about history? You really couldn't recall), but your teachers had promised a free day for the students to go wherever they pleased. 

Yamaguchi and you had decided on doing some research about the places you both would like to visit and prepare an itinerary for that day. For this, you've decided to sit together, wanting to plan everything as soon as possible. You really couldn't wait to get into the bus! 

“Aren't you excited?!” A voice chirped behind you and you jumped slightly when you felt a soft poke near your left side. 

Turning around, your lips stretched into a smile. “I feel like I'm gonna explode, Shouyou!” 

Having made friends with a certain piece of sunshine did nothing to help relax your excitement. You had not long become friends with Hinata Shouyou. It was to be expected that by visiting Yamaguchi and Tsukishima so much at their volleyball practices, they would eventually introduce you to the rest of the team. Everyone had been exceptionally kind, but Hinata seemed attached to you from day one. You couldn't lie, at first Hinata's overflowing and bright energy made you feel terribly nervous, but it didn't take long for you to adapt to it and soon you became good friends.

Hinata was practically jumping on one foot with excitement. He rambled on about this and that and you could only nod with a smile, but in a second he was gone and was now fighting with Kageyama. Those two were certainly a very fun duo to watch, you chuckled and squealed when yet another poke to your side surprised you. 

“Did you do your research?”

Turning around again, the biggest grin pulled at the corners of your lips. Yamaguchi was looking at you with a smile just as bright. 

“I did!” You hurriedly pulled out a notepad from the side of your bag. “I made a very detailed list with cons and pros about each place!” You said excitedly. “We can compare our research!”

Yamaguchi nodded, chuckling a little and your cheeks flushed slightly. “That sounds like a good idea! Don't forget we'll seat together so we can-” 

“Ack!” 

You nearly dropped your notepad when someone suddenly hooked their arm around yours, dragging you away from Yamaguchi. 

“H-Huh?! Shouyou?!” 

“C'mon, c'mon!” He said, all smiles and laughs. “You'll sit with me, okay?! Quick! Before they get the best spots!” 

“A-Ah, Shouyou- I promised I would- agh!” You looked back at Yamaguchi and he was looking at you with a surprised expression. 

“I'm sorry!” You mouthed and you saw his shoulders falling a little as he gave a sad smile and a nod. 

Sooner than later you were squeezed between the window and Hinata’s incessant talking. You tried to keep your smile warm and sincere, but something felt heavy in your chest– you had promised Yamaguchi you both would sit together, but now you were with Hinata and Yamaguchi didn't look too happy even though he was sitting with Tsukishima. 

You sighed. Well, you hoped you'd get a chance to apologize once you were at the inn. Hinata, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi and you would be sharing a room after all, so there were plenty of chances to properly apologize and compensate your dear friend… right?

--

The bus ride didn't seem very long to you. Hinata's mouth just wouldn't shut up and soon he was making you laugh and making you chat animatedly with him. The only time he was silent was when he fell asleep for a few minutes and you were able to watch the scenery out the window. You pushed the small problem with Yamaguchi to the back of your head, it wasn't worth getting overwhelmed by it now when you could deal with it later.

Finally arriving at the inn, the butterflies in your stomach returned. The air in Kyoto even felt different, but maybe it was just you… but was the sky bluer there? Impossible, right? Chuckling to yourself, you started to get off the bus along with everyone else. Hinata practically held you prisoner, clinging tightly to your arm until his bright eyes found Kageyama, and laughing, he said he would see you in a moment. 

You started your own search; your eyes scanning the faces in that sea of ​​students in front of you until you found that adorable freckled face. You perked like a little puppy and quickly made your way to him while the teachers did the check in. 

“Tadashi!” You called once you were a couple of feet away from him. “Tadashi, I'm so sorry about earlier! I really wanted to sit with you, but Shouyou, he just-"

You jolted when you heard your name screamed at the top of Hinata's lungs. In a moment, the little ball of orange energy was at your side, grabbing your arm and dragging you somewhere. 

“What- Shouyou?! I was talking to- 

Hinata didn't even listen to you. “C'mon! You can do that later! Let's go see our room!”

Once again, you were dragged away from Yamaguchi without even the chance to look at him one last time before Hinata took you to your room.

–

You expected the room to be big enough to fit four people in, but you certainly didn't expect it to be that big. It was a very spacious room, but modest. The tatami felt extremely comfortable under your feet and four futons were properly arranged. A small wooden table in the middle of the room and some decorations here and there. It was cozy and somehow warm.

“I want this bed!” He called your name as he threw his back somewhere. “You'll sleep next to me, right?!” 

You chuckled shyly, “Sh-Shouyou, I think we should let everyone choose where-"

“I want to be the farest away from Hinata as possible.” Tsukishima’s voice surprised you and you smiled when you saw Yamaguchi entering the room right behind the tall boy. 

To your surprise, Yamaguchi made eye contact with you, but quickly averted his eyes. Something uncomfortably heavy set on the pit of your stomach and you felt that awful sensation of anxiety starting to swirl in your chest and wrap around your throat. You gulped and took a deep breath. Let's calm down, you repeated inside your head over and over. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. 

From left to right: Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, you and Hinata. After a bit of chaos and someone almost asking to change rooms and saying that he'd rather sleep in the King's room, you all finally could choose your own bed and set that problem aside. 

“Since we are next to each other,” you said to Yamaguchi as you both pulled out some clean clothing from your bags. “I think we can talk about the places we want to visit, right?” 

Yamaguchi halted for a mere second before nodding softly. “Mhmm.” 

You felt your cheeks heating up a little. “H-Hmm… Tadashi, are you mad at m-”

“Hey!” Hinata suddenly grabbed your arm. “The teacher said we should meet outside for a quick tour! Let's go!” 

“S-Shouyou, give me just one second, I- 

“Go on,” Yamaguchi said and you froze, quickly looking at him. “We should hurry.” With that, he was out of the room, leaving not only you and Hinata back, but also Tsukishima. 

That awkward sensation tightened around your throat, almost choking you. This was going downhill, but you weren't trying to upset anyone, Hinata was just-

“Let's go?” He asked with a bright, warm smile and happy eyes and you sighed, nodding and smiling back at him. You really couldn't get mad at Hinata, he simply was… excited. Perhaps a bit too much, but you were sure he didn't mean harm. 

Sighing again, you looked behind. “Let's go, Tsukki.” Tsukishima simply hummed in agreement and followed you and Hinata out the room.  

In the lobby, you quickly found Yamaguchi and joined him, but standing next to him just felt… terribly awkward. You tried to do small talk, though you hated it to the bone, even throwing in some jokes that made you blush slightly, but your attempts seemed to work: Yamaguchi tried to hide a smile and he even spoke to you a couple of times, he was still curt in his answers, but at least he seemed to want to talk to you again.

The tour of the small inn was boring. The teachers in charge guided you through practically every room occupied by the students in your class, the teachers’ own rooms, the bathrooms, and so on, by the time you all had finished, you were exhausted. Not only physically, but also mentally. Although Yamaguchi seemed to be back to normal, he would still try to avoid talking to you too much. It had been too long since you had felt that suffocating sensation around your neck. Thousands of negative thoughts gathered in your head and you felt your temples throb. You heard your heart racing behind your ears and your breathing was a little erratic, barely perceptible to anyone, but deafening to you.

Letting out a deep sigh once you all were back to your room, you collapsed on your designated futon wearing a comfortable yukata given by the inn. Everyone had taken a shower, the room smelled like the sun and your eyelids felt heavy, you could have fallen asleep right then, but someone's voice woke you up. 

“Shall we play a bit?” It was Yamaguchi, kneeling on his futon and showing you a deck of uno cards. You beamed, nodding excitedly, not feeling sleepy anymore. “I bet you can't beat me this time.”

You chuckled, getting up and approaching the little table with Yamaguchi. “When have I been able to do it?” 

You both laughed and some of the growing anxiety in your chest dissipated. Everything was fine. It had just been a small misunderstanding. You and Yamaguchi were still friends and you were probably going to have a lot of fun on that trip... right?

One game turned into two and then into three and four. All four times you lost miserably, Yamaguchi had always been extremely good at uno, you couldn't really remember a time you had beaten him, but it didn't matter, you always had fun with him and seeing him happy to win over and over again was more than enough for you. 

“You are terrible at this,” Hinata chuckled, glued to your side as Yamaguchi and you played for the fifth time. “This one,” he said, pointing at a card in your hand. 

“A-Ah, this one?”

“Yes!” He said and waited for Yamaguchi to throw his next card. “Hmm, now this one. Why do you have so many cards? You could've won decades ago- now throw this one and this, and this and now this and- 

You and Hinata jumped in surprise when Yamaguchi slammed his palms against the table. Your eyes widened when he looked at you, his brow deep in a big frown. He was furious.

“Can't you do anything by yourself?!” He yelled, getting up and rushing out of the room. 

You were stunned. Your eyes wide and your heart hammering in your chest. What had happened?! Weren't you and Yamaguchi better now? You started to breathe heavily, your hands started to shake, the cards falling from your grip. You, Hinata, and Tsukishima seemed to have frozen in place. The three of you were staring at the door where Yamaguchi had come out.

Tsukishima was the first one to react, he sighed softly and started to get up from his futon where he was listening to music. He looked at you and you flinched. “I'll go check-

“No,” Hinata said, gently tapping your shoulder as he got up from his spot beside you. “I will go. This is my fault after all.” Hinata can be painfully dense many times, but even he could tell what had happened here. He smiled sheepishly at you and quickly left the room to look for Yamaguchi. 

This was terrible. Was it happening again? Were you going to lose Yamaguchi? After everything it had cost you to open up to him and after all the affection you already felt for him- was it going to end like this? For a misunderstanding? It was your fault. Maybe the problem has always been you, maybe you don't know how to maintain a friendship. Maybe the problem is your behavior and attitude. Poor Yamaguchi, he had to know the worst side of you and now he was hurt like this. Were you really... a bad person? 

“Hey…” You jumped, feeling a hand rubbing your back. Tsukishima was sitting beside you, and he reached out to wipe a tear falling from your cheek. “Don't be like this. This is not your fault.”

Your bottom lip trembled and more tears streamed down your cheeks. “It is my fault,” you said between soft sobs. “I've hurt Tadashi and now he hates me. I didn't m-mean to, I promise, Kei!” You looked at him with shame. Was Tsukishima going to hate you too? After all, Yamaguchi was his precious friend, of course Tsukishima would feel upset towards you and- 

A gasp escaped your mouth when Tsukishima hugged you tightly with one arm. “I'm telling you this is not your fault, you don't understand?” He asked, gently rubbing your back. “Yamaguchi doesn't hate you. He just can't hate you. He likes you so much, can't you see how precious you are to him? You did nothing wrong.” 

You hid your face on Tsukishima's shoulder and cried some more, letting Tsukishima's words settle in your heart. Yamaguchi didn't hate you? The possibility of that being true made your heart jump. If Yamaguchi didn't hate you, you could apologize and everything would go back to normal and you would both continue enjoying each other's company for a long time. Yamaguchi was so precious to you, you couldn't imagine the that you two could stop being friends. Just thinking about it made your bones hurt and made you feel dizzy and nauseous. Your friendship with him couldn't end yet- at least not this way.

“There, there. Are you better?” You nodded a little, slowly pulling away from the embrace. Tsukishima sighed. "You're so silly. How could you think Yamaguchi would hate you because of something so silly? You should apologize for thinking this way.” You blushed, nodding and Tsukishima chuckled. “You both are so childish. You need to grow up.” Although his words seemed harsh, there was no venom in them. His finger was suddenly poking your side, making you jump with a squeak. 

“You see? How can you be so ticklish? Yamaguchi too, you both really are so alike,” he said, poking and poking and poking every spot he could reach: your sides, your ribs, your tummy and even your neck. In seconds he had you giggling and trying to stop his hand. 

“Thahat- That d-dohoesn't have to do wihith a-anythihing!” You giggled out, squeaking when he started to knead your sides. “Kehehei!” 

Tsukishima snorted softly before finally stopping. “Everything will be fine, you'll see,” he said with a warm smile, playfully ruffling your hair. 

You breathed and smiled softly at him. “Thank you, Kei.” 

"We are back!" 

Like a spring, you stood up as soon as you saw Yamaguchi enter. His eyes were red and wet, he had also been crying a little. His freckled face was twisted into an expression of sadness, shyness and remorse and you were dying to hug him and tell him how important he was to you, but before you could even open your mouth, Yamaguchi had already started speaking, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“I'm sorry,” he said softly, looking at you. “I acted like a kid-” 

Tsukishima, “That's what I said.”

Hinata, “Tsukishima!!” 

“... I was���,” Yamaguchi continued. “I was tremendously jealous about how well you got along with Hinata. I thought…,” he sighed, his cheeks turning pink. “I thought you just… would leave me behind and wouldn't want to be friends with me anymore.

I was just stupid… instead of trying to talk to you, I decided to just be mad and childish and in the end I only hurt you just because I was scared I was going to be left behind and I even made Hinata feel bad just because he wanted to be friends with you…”

You knew that feeling of being forgotten and not belonging very well and it hurt you that Yamaguchi felt that way. 

“So I am very, very sorry. Would you forgive me this time? I promise I'll do better… please?” 

You smiled at him and quickly wrapped your arms around Yamaguchi, hugging him tightly. Yamaguchi hugged you back, letting out a long, pleased sigh. Forgive him? Of course! There had been blame on both sides in this situation, both had hurt the other in one way or another, so of course you forgave him. Your precious friend. 

You chuckled, hugging Yamaguchi even tighter. “I think… there's only one way I can truly forgive you, Tadashi.”

Yamaguchi nodded. “Yes! Please let me know what it is and I'll- eek!”

Yamaguchi pushed your shoulders lightly when you squeezed both his sides, tickling him. He looked at you and you smirked, making him flush; he tried to run, but you started to squeeze his sides again and again and again and soon, his laughter filled the whole room as he jumped and squirmed, trying to escape. 

“I'll have to tickle you until I think it's enough!” You said with a laugh as Yamaguchi collapsed to the floor, your hands glued to his torso, following him down. 

“N-Nohoho! I'm s-sohorry! I didn't- ahaha!” 

Yamaguchi thrashed around, his hands around your wrists trying to push your hands away without much force or intention. His bitter expression had completely changed with a vibrant, bright smile that almost split his face in half. The sad tears streaming down his face had turned into tears of laughter and the way he laughed your name made you laugh along with him. Very soon, the bad time you were going through was behind you and now you were having fun like you always did. 

“I want to play too! I want to play too!” Hinata chirped, jumping up and down excitedly. You thought that if he had a tail, he would be wagging it from side to side. You chuckled and looked up at him. “Can I join? Can I join?!”

You nodded, “yeah! Come help me out, Shouyou!” 

“N-Nohoho! Ts-Tsuhuki, help! Ahahack!” 

Not even you noticed when or how, but Hinata already had his hyperactive fingers on Yamaguchi's stomach, pinching the muscle on the sides of his belly and vibrating the tips of his fingers around Yamaguchi’s belly button. The redhead was giggling and babbling something about how ticklish Yamaguchi was and you chuckled, moving your fingers up to his ribs. 

Yamaguchi laughed and squealed. His hands were an uncoordinated mess, trying to cover his stomach and then his ribs and also his mouth and his reddened cheeks. He laughed heartily, it seemed to you as if he were almost laughing with relief and you smiled tenderly. How could you even think that Yamaguchi would hate you? Tsukishima was right, you weren't giving him the credit he deserved.

“Oof-!” 

You gasped heavily as someone grabbed your shoulders from behind and gently pushed you back, pinning one of your arms above your head. It was Tsukishima. He straddled your waist and smirked from above you. 

“Someone here also needs a punishment for beating himself around too hard, hmm?” 

“K-Kehei, no, please! I'm s-sorry I just- ahaHAHA! N-NOHOHO!” 

Tsukishima simply loved to go for your weakest spots. It was like that every single time he tickled you. His fingers started to wiggle against your exposed underarm. He scratched the sensitive skin at the hollow and kneaded the muscle with his thumb, making you shriek with ticklish laughter. 

Yamaguchi was also busy laughing his head off, you could hear him begging for mercy as Hinata quickly found the weak spot at his hips. Your laughter filled the room and you thought in a small moment of lucidity, when Tsukishima stopped tickling you to get a better grip on your arm, that very soon someone would be knocking on the door asking you all to shut up, but no one did and so you and Yamaguchi were under a vicious tickle attack until you both were able to pin your captors back. 

Hinata's vibrant and rich laughter, along with Tsukishima's serene and gentle laughter formed a combination that was not at all unpleasant to hear. You already knew each of the points that made Tsukishima shriek with laughter, and Yamaguchi seemed to be having lots of fun trying to find Hinata's, which wasn't too hard, he seemed to be a walking tickle spot! 

Tsukishima kept laughing out threats that had you laughing and feeling nervous butterflies in your tummy, but before he could actually get revenge on you, you and Yamaguchi locked eyes and in seconds, you both were after each other, trying to pin the other down while your hands latched to that place that made you scream with laughter. 

Hinata wanted to join in the fun again and, somehow, Tsukishima was dragged in too, this time going for Yamaguchi who was driving you crazy because of the tickling under your arms. Hinata, for his part, took Yamaguchi's place, so you had a second of rest before you began to laugh loudly once again. 

It had been an eventful day, you had to admit it. You could assure that you had felt almost every emotion in the world that day, but you were happy that everything had been fixed. You and Yamaguchi had strengthened your bond and you were sure that you would continue to be together for a long time to come. 

It was the first night, but you knew that this trip would be one of the best of your life, as long as you and Yamaguchi remained the best of friends! 

[xmandalorianjedix]

Okay, let me just say something…

I LOVE VENOM SOSOSOSOSOOSOSOOOOOO MUCH! Let’s have a little history with me!

In 2018, I saw the first Venom movie in Thea and AUTOMATICALLY became obsessed! I consumed all Venom media possible, I even pretended online that Venom would take over my messages… YEAH- and I kept begging for a sequel and this lasted for about 3 months. I also made one of my friends watch it who didn’t like Marvel movies because I needed to talk to other people about it- Then it sort of went away for a while.

Then, seeing the announcement for the second Venom movie, I was SO EXCITED, this was a few years ago. Then it got delayed and it sort of went away.

In 2021, I got to see the second Venom movie in theaters, that obsession came back again… like FULL FORCE!!! I talked about it to my brother for DAYS ON END and then waited very impatiently for it to come out on digital release and watched it like, EVERY DAY! I’m not joking either. I watched the first and second one so much together many days in a week… then again if faded out

Now we come to today in 2024! I may be extremely anxious and stressed about college stuff, but that won’t stop be from talking about my favorite Marvel series, Venom! I’m not AS obsessed as I used to be because I’m worried about other things, but I know that me in 2018 would be freaking out at there even being a third movie! It was so good and I LOVED the story. Can’t forget about Venom and Eddie’s fruity moments. I loved them as a ship since the first movie and seeing this last one, I WAS SO SAD! How could it end like that? :(

Anyways, take one of my favorite photos/moments from the first movie. Fun fact, this was my wallpaper for a while after seeing the first movie in 2018!

[loominggaia]

Sorry for the bad picture, it's been a rough day...Got my stitches out today and everything is going well so far! I mean, I look like I got in a knife fight, but...

I just wanted to pop in with some good news:

🎉🎉🎉NO CANCER!🎉🎉🎉

No cancer was detected in my thyroid nodules! However, the thyroid itself was behaving cancerously, so it had to be removed anyway. It would have just kept growing bigger and bigger until it became inoperable and killed me, so no regrets here.

My doctor strongly suspected papillary cancer, but nope, turns out my thyroid was just growing out of control for no reason. She said it's very rare for thyroids to do this without Hashimoto's disease or cancer, and I apparently have neither, so we've concluded that it's just a weird genetic defect. A lot of people in my family have this same defect, including my mom, so I'm not surprised. I'm just so relieved that it wasn't a cancer that could metastasize.

Some other interesting stuff from the report: My thyroid had developed a massive blood supply over the years. It was totally dead, but my body was still fighting to heal it, so it had essentially turned into a softball-sized tumor that was literally sucking the life out of me. The surgery took twice as long because of this. My red blood cells, platelets, and other labs were getting really screwy towards the end there as it worsened. I got my blood drawn again just 5 days after the surgery, and my labs were already back to normal for the first time in years! What a difference!

Also, apparently part of my thyroid was "twisted" and facing the wrong way?? My surgeon just mentioned it because it was bizarre and he'd never seen it before, but yeah...any way you slice it, that thing was totally FUBAR and had to go.

I'm really grateful I was able to get this surgery when I did. Initially the endo doc (who didn't even see me in person) scheduled me for late next year, until I brought my report to the ENT surgeon and he was like "Uh no, this thing is huge and it has to go now". He was able to bump me up in the schedule, and now here we are.

All in all, everything worked out much better than expected. Now I have a long road ahead of me as I get my medication dose figured out, but at least the bloody part is over.

Sorry for the novel, I just want to thank you guys for sticking with me through this and tolerating all the delays. Your kind messages of support helped me get through this harrowing time. Thank you so much for everything. <3

Hopefully there will be no further complications and I'll feel better going forward with that monster out of my neck!

*

Questions/Comments?

Lore Masterpost

Read the Series

[best-type-moon-couple]

The Winner of the “Best Type-Moon Couple” Tournament is…

Gilgamesh and Enkidu (52% of the Vote)

[Congratulations for the Runner-ups, Mr. Sakamoto Ryouma and Mrs. Sakamoto Oryou, who came close with 48% of the Vote]

Thank you so much to the 502 people who voted in the final poll, as well as everyone else who participated/nominated/followed this tournament. I appreciate every single one of you and hope to see you next time I do something like this again. Until then, thanks for voting, see you whenever there’s a next time!

Letter from the Mod (Under the Cut):

Introduction:

So… uh… been a while since we talked like this, completely nervous, unprepared tournament mod to the hundreds of thousands of potential listeners and followers of the poll. Well, now that it’s over, I want to introduce myself.

Hi, you can call me Snow. I’ve been a Type-Moon fan for about a year now. I got into this series when my cousin introduced me to “Fate” and from there I started to grow on this series at an… large… unnormal… potentially problematic and unhealthy way.

“Where’d the inspiration come from?”:

When I got into Fate, the one thing that reached out to me were the characters themselves and their relationship with one another, and the more I looked into the nasuverse, the more characters that I found that I feel in love with, the more I started to hate, the more I started to have convoluted and mixed feelings towards, but the one thing I loved about most was how characters interacted with each other and how well, or unwell, they get along and nothing else can show my love and appreciation for character dynamics than the couples of Type-Moon.

The couples of Type-Moon range anywhere from being weird to comical to sad to disgusting to wholesome and even genuinely life changing, with the characters themselves having dynamic that either showed how much they pine for love, how love broke them, how love managed to fix them, or by simply how wholesome they are. When Samurai Remnant released and featured a character who loves their spouse very much that they make it their main focus in game, juxtaposed by their spouse still showing their love and devotion for them, it was the thing that eventually caused me to make this tournament in the first place (they weren’t in the tournament though, but it’s the thought that counts).

Running the Tournament:

I was completely sure that I wanted to run this tournament, but the main caveat was the fact that I never ran a tournament like this before and it became very clear, very quickly that I had no idea what I was doing (the potentially weird rules for the tournament and the delayed start times were a big red flag of this, so I’m glad we had so many people stuck around despite that).

Still, I wanted to do my best for this tournament, so I created everything myself (with my sister helping to find a tournament bracket website). And when I mean everything I mean I edited together the main banner of the blog and edited together most of the couple portraits (I got lazy and used official art for some of them, guess which ones)

What’s next?:

Honestly, I want to do another tournament sometime. Obviously not immediately since I also want time off, but I’d also want to do something else and see more people come together to vote on something we all may or may not enjoy. And while I have no ideas at the moment (if you want to give any ideas then feel free to share then through the askbox or through the submission box) but maybe this blog will go through a renovation when I figured something out, hm?

Want to see what I do?:

Well, in case you wanna follow me specifically, then you can follow my personal blog (@player-blandon) for more of my personal things or things I post about games I like sometimes. I don’t post there consistently, and when I do it’s probably, mostly, shitposts unless I’m live-blogging a game I’m playing through or (in the most recent post’s case) doodled something I wanted to share. It’s the place where I share things sometimes and hopefully it’s a place where I can talk to all of you about some stuff as well (chances are I’m going to be posting more fate and type-moon things after this tournament).

Closing Thoughts:

Honestly, this tournament was a bigger undertaking than what I originally thought, but I’m glad I did this. I consider it a learning experience.

Thank you all once again for participating in this tournament. Congratulations to the King of Heroes and his only friend for winning and good job Ryouma and Oryou for putting on a good fight. We all put in a lot in this tournament and I hope to see you all again when I do something like this again…

…until then, I’ll see you whenever I can. Goodbye everyone. See you later!

[tired-of-being-nice]

breaking point

Erica watches through the window as Coren dozes on the floor with a fond smile on her face. They're so easy to handle nowadays. They practically ask for it. It's especially delightful considering how hard they'd fought it at first.

God, they'd fought. They'd tried so hard to resist. They had sung at first, loud angry songs of rebellion, and then any songs at all, nursery rhymes, lullabies, and then back up to screaming and then, as their voice started to go, an endless stream of nonsense chatter, anything to keep the noise out of their head.

None of it worked, of course. It only delayed the inevitable. Still, they'd held out longer then most, and she'll always fondly recall the moment they finally broke, their weak voice finally giving out as they slumped to the ground. They'd just had the strength to raise their head and look up, and the look of horror and desperation and, below it, awful resignation– oh, it was delicious.

Milo didn't have a single breaking point, that they can recall. It was more like a slow wearing down, a series of blows chipping their spirit away.

Losing Coren was the first blow, of course. But there was some time after that when they still had hope, still thought that maybe if they stuck it out long enough, they could get their friend back. They can't really recall when they stopped hoping. Maybe they never did. But it definitely faded, became more and more of a distant fantasy and less a tangible possibility, and meanwhile their hours got longer and longer and they had less and less time outside of work until one day they realized they hadn't slept for more than 3 hours in at least a week and were so tired they couldn't even feel mad about it.

But, you know. That was fine, actually. Already they could barely remember what being well-rested felt like, so it wasn't like they were missing much. And they needed to stay, to be able to keep an eye on Coren, to keep trying to think of a way to get them back.

When Coren hadn't recognized them, that was a bit of a blow, but not too much of an obstacle. But when it had actually attacked them, without provocation even, just because it seemed to think it was fun, that had been— for a bit, Milo really thought that was it. There was no coming back from that.

And yet they'd still stayed, because... because, at that point, they didn't know what else to do. They'd gotten so used to their endless, mindnumbing routine, so worn down by ages of just wait it out and hope, that even with no hope left they couldn't muster up the energy to actually do anything about it.

Sometimes they think that going down fighting would have been better than this.

Ray never had a breaking point, because Ray has never needed to be broken. Ray has never done anything wrong, ever. Ray cannot do anything wrong. She knows how easily one single slip-up can ruin a person, and she refuses to let that be her. He is perfect, and he will remain perfect, and he will not break. He will not.

He won't. He won't. He won't.

She can't.

[hanzajesthanza]

it really does matter so much that fringilla vigo is nilfgaardian, beauclairoise, for many reasons, but let's start here:

her entire role is that of an illusionist; one which she would not be were it not for her family lineage, rooted in beauclair:

There was a corridor in Beauclair Palace, and at the end a chamber, the existence of which no one knew about. (...) The corridor and the chamber, disguised by a powerful illusion, were known only to the palace’s original elven builders. And later–when the elves had gone, and Toussaint became a duchy–to the small number of sorcerers linked to the ducal house. Including Artorius Vigo, a master of magical arcana and great specialist in illusions. And his young niece, Fringilla, who had a special talent for illusions.

and since her talent in illusions is well-defined in the series, as it is her who grants geralt the very silver-mounted chrysoprase amulet which saves his life in the final fight against vilgefortz:

Geralt clenched Fringilla’s medallion in his fist. The bar fell with a clang, striking the floor a foot from the Witcher’s head. Geralt rolled away and quickly got up on one knee. Vilgefortz leaped forward and struck. The bar missed the target again by a few inches. The sorcerer shook his head in disbelief and hesitated for a second. (...) ‘I didn’t know …’ Yennefer said at last, scrambling out of a pile of rubble. She looked terrible. The blood trickling from her nose had poured all over her chin and cleavage. ‘I didn’t know you could cast illusory spells,’ she repeated, seeing Geralt’s uncomprehending gaze, ‘capable even of deceiving Vilgefortz.’ ‘It’s my medallion.’ ‘Aha.’ She looked suspicious. ‘A curious thing...’

that talent is something which cannot, by far, be separated from her character. and returning back to her lineage, it is again her familial relations which place her in beauclair.

she was positioned there, ready to intercept geralt, as early as the autumnal equinox in september, by which time geralt had barely just left the town of riedbrune:

The world over, the autumn Equinox was a night of spectres, nightmares and apparitions, a night of sudden, suffocating awakenings, fraught with menace, among sweat-soaked and rumpled sheets. Neither did the most illustrious escape the apparitions and awakenings; (...) In the huge castle of Montecalvo the sorceress Philippa Eilhart leaped from damask sheets, without waking the Comte de Noailles’ wife. The dwarf Yarpen Zigrin in Mahakam, the old witcher Vesemir in the mountain stronghold of Kaer Morhen, the bank clerk Fabio Sachs in the city of Gors Velen and Yarl Crach an Craite on board the longboat Ringhorn all awoke more or less abruptly. The sorceress Fringilla Vigo came awake in Beauclair Castle*, as did the priestess Sigrdrifa of the temple of the goddess Freyja on the island of Hindarsfjall.

* Slight correction - As explained in Chapter 3 of Lady of the Lake, Beauclair is not a castle, but a palace.

and she's only invited to beauclair in such a capacity because she is a relative of the duchess:

‘I’m in Beauclair because the largest, best-stocked library in the known world is here. Apart from university libraries, naturally. But universities are jealous of giving access to their shelves, and here I’m a relation and good friend of Anarietta and can do as I wish.’

(whom, you may note, she stands by and jointly receives geralt with at their first meeting, and participates in the festival of the vat with)

and therefore, she was in a perfectly strategic position to delay geralt, keep him captive:

‘(...) Please at least tell us … has the Witcher calmed down now? Are you capable of keeping him in Toussaint at least until May?’ (…) ‘No,’ she answered at last. ‘Probably not until May. But I’ll do everything in my power to keep him here as long as possible.’

because fringilla is not just an illusionist literally, as in the magic she is naturally gifted at, but 'illusionist' is her entire identity as a character.

and as her family hails from beauclair, this specific identity is compounded with the fact that beauclair itself is the center of illusions, a dreamland, a fairytale:

‘There’s something bewitched about this place, this fucking Toussaint. Some kind of charm hangs over the whole valley. Especially over the palace (...) no two ways about it, there’s something bewitched about this bloody Toussaint.’

fringilla is an illusionist because she is beauclairoise. she not only hails from a long line of illusionists, but hails from, is related to the ruler of, the very city of illusions and dreams.

she is the illusionist not just in a literal sense, but in the entire narrative role of casting an illusion over our hero, because it is the illusion of love which keeps her and geralt in beauclair. (the tricky trick is that geralt, taking a page out of yennefer's playbook of seduction, cleverness, patience, was able to cast an illusion upon the mistress of illusions herself, free himself from the witch's spell, awake from a pleasant dream to face the harsh reality).

(sighs) and even if you want to forget fringilla's beauclairoise identity and erase her entire positioning as the illusionist which poses a threat to our heroes, entices them to complacency, her role as nilfgaardian in the sense of her academic identity and imperial service also defines her.

because it is also fringilla, the illusionist who casts the wool over people's eyes... who blinded yennefer at sodden hill.

‘We’ve already met,’ Yennefer spoke again. ‘I don’t recall,’ Fringilla said without looking away. ‘I’m not surprised. But I have a good memory for faces and figures. I saw you from Sodden Hill.’ ‘In which case there can be no mistake,’ Fringilla Vigo said and raised her head proudly, sweeping her eyes over all those present. ‘I was at the Battle of Sodden.’ (...) ‘Occasionally one happens to see another person for only a split second, right before going blind, and one takes a dislike to them instantly.’ ‘Oh, enmity is considerably more complicated,’ Fringilla said, squinting. ‘Imagine someone you don’t know at all standing at the top of a hill, and ripping a friend of yours to shreds in front of your eyes. You neither saw them nor know them at all, but you still don’t like them.’ ‘So it goes,’ Yennefer said, shrugging. (...)

fringilla's (proud!) participation at the battle of sodden is a crux of the lodge, because she alongside her good friend, the scholarly assire, they are nilfgaardians who, owing to their nationality, find challenges meshing with the northern sorcereresses. the lodge brought together representatives of magic across nationalities in the midst of a raging, bloody war between them all.

and it's so integral to fringilla's character that she has imperial biases, that she approaches even the international lodge with an imperialist view.

with no factual basis, she initially exotifies and sexualizes the northern sorceresses, despite her own prior denial of these base stereotypes:

Fringilla Vigo was putting on a brave face, but she was anxious and stressed. She herself had often reprimanded young Nilfgaardian mages for uncritically yielding to stereotypical opinions and notions. She herself had regularly ridiculed the crude image painted by gossip and propaganda of the typical sorceress from the North: artificially beautiful, arrogant, vain and spoiled to the limits of perversion, and often beyond them. (...) Her untrammelled imagination offered up images of impossibly gorgeous women with diamond necklaces resting on naked breasts with rouged nipples, women with moist lips and eyes glistening from the effects of alcohol and narcotics. In her mind’s eye Fringilla could already see the gathering becoming a wild and depraved orgy accompanied by frenzied music, aphrodisiacs, and slaves of both sexes using exotic accessories.

she even has a difficult time understanding why the northern sorceresses are upset about the nilfgaardian invasion, believing it to be a boon to their society. only through their discussion does she just barely begin to grasp the meaning of "invasion" and why she wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of it:

Some were clearly anxious about the close proximity of Nilfgaard. Fringilla had mixed feelings. She had assumed that such educated people would understand that the Empire was bringing culture, prosperity, order and political stability to the North. On the other hand, though, she didn’t know how she would have reacted herself, were foreign armies approaching her home.

all of this indoctrination into imperial beliefs, at the same time that she is an educated woman, and herself, as an imperial sorceress, known for being rebellious and an upstart within her own culture:

‘Stop staring,’ Assire said, touching her bouffant and glistening curls. ‘I decided to make a few changes. Why, I just took your lead.’ ‘I was always taken as an oddball and a rebel,’ Fringilla Vigo chuckled. ‘But when they see you in the academy or at court…’

this is such a chaotic rambling post, but all i want to say is that fringilla's character, like most of the minor characters in the witcher series, was not invented through random generation, a roll of the dice, a spin of the wheel. her specific traits - such as her nationality, lineage, talents - all relate back thematically. everything is relevant, specifically chosen to create a specific character.

if once changes her backstory (e.g., to place her at aretuza... though i don't know who would do such a thing for no reason) they would change her entire character, the series' commentary on imperialism, and because of her role she takes later on, even the entire ending of the story.

[thatsolacegirl]

I'm in a mood to break some stuff so let's talk about how much I hated Loki S2's deleted scene. (I'm going to rant. This is an anti-Loki series post.)

We'll go through this one by one.

Variant!Loki is fresh out (somewhat) of the Battle of New York so, whatever happened Thor: TW onwards don't apply to Larry here.

He is the problem? But how? Didn't he attack Jotunheim Odin's approval. So, he tries to prove that he too could be like Thor (who was in fact very much in favour of killing frost giants since childhood). Also, didn't Loki work under Thanos' coercion (read: tortured because of the way he looked in Thor 1 post-credit scene & in the opening scene of The Avengers) to get the Tesseract? (1) (2) (3) What is this scene even? The start is just so jarring.

Let's go through the roll call:

Nick Fury: Well, he did indirectly call him a problem because Loki was threatening to invade Earth. So, yeah. But directly, he never called him a problem.

Erik Selvig: He was enthralled by Loki via Mind Stone. I don't think in any one of those scenes he was ever shown talking to Selvig which would imply that the latter even said to him that. I think the one time Erik Selvig bad-mouthed Loki was in T: TW where he was relieved that Loki was dead.

Bor: So, I'm going to admit this was tricky but, hear me out on this one. Bor is Odin's father. Odin became the king only after his death. Alright. So, if we are going according to the timeline by the time Odin went to war with Jotuns and consequently adopted baby Loki, he was already the king of Asgard. Bor was dead when Odin went to that war. Thus, Loki never met his adopted grandfather. SO, APPARENTLY, A DEAD ASGARDIAN CAN TALK TO LOKI? HOW COOL IS THE FACT THAT LOKI HAD THE ABILITY TO COMMUNE WITH THE DEAD?! (/s)

Laufey: Another can of worms, I suppose. So, in Thor 1, it had been shown that after the war in 925 AD, the Asgardian contact with Jotunheim had been forbidden. Loki let some of them in to ruin/delay Thor's coronation. The one time he met Laufey, they made a deal, never once Laufey told that Loki was the problem. Laufey, canonically (Thor 1), never even knew that Loki was his son.

Amora: I, for once, think that it would've been cool to see her, either in the series or in Thor 4. But it is often the fate of MCU women to either be a footnote in the men's stories or completely ruined by the narrative, or the writers' incompetence makes them unlikable (only a few are well-written female characters). So, I'm happy about the fact that the queen is still untouched.

Jane Foster & Darcy Lewis: Jane met him once in Thor: TW. During Loki's invasion of NY, she was hiding in Norway with Darcy. Jane had only met Loki because she went to Asgard for Aether's cure. Darcy, on the other hand (even tho I love the way he spoke her name and Tasertricks is my OTP), had never met him. She heard about him, she saw him destroy New Mexico via Destroyer but she had never met him to explicitly say that he was the problem.

Maria Hill: When did she even say that he was the problem? When she was chasing him?!

Heimdall (Heimdall was a big one, he got very upset): Okay, yeah, I get that. Heimdall & him had a long history. Again, I have no idea about their dynamics. And whenever we see them interacting, the animosity is very visible since Thor 1.

Warriors Three (Fandral, Volstagg, Hogun): Again, the history thing here too.

Absorbing Man: So, AoS canon? Also, when did Loki come down to Earth to fight the absorbing man and why I didn't know about it. When did pre-Avengers Loki meet him? I want to know.

Donald Blake (who Thor pretends to be when he goes to Earth): So, this made my eyebrows twitch for the reason that I saw Thor 1 recently (to add to a Darcy post) and everything he said about Donald Blake was just plain wrong. Thor took up the name of Donald Blake (1) when he was given the shirt by Jane--real Donald Blake was Jane's ex before Thor, (2) Darcy made a false driver's licence which mentioned his name as Donald Blake and not Thor, and (3) when Erik came to retrieve Thor, he called him Donald Blake. So, if Thor didn't choose this persona & was given to him by his Earth friends, then how could he had pretended to be him? Also, this name was only used in Thor 1, after Avengers 1, everybody knew him as Thor, his real name.

Hercules: Don't know much about this one here because (1) he's introduced in a post-credit scene & (2) in a Thor film I hate passionately. But he's as old as Thor & Loki, so, a history might be there. We don't know. The TVA series didn't show exactly how they were connected.

So, y'all might be thinking Sol, why are you whining and moaning, it is a deleted scene after all??

You see the writers wrote this scene. The writers who should've, no, must've made themselves familiar with the lore, WROTE THIS BULLSHIT SCENE. AND THE DIRECTOR(S) FILMED IT.

Also, Loki's series could have been the show in that he could've interacted with the people he mentioned but he didn't because it wasn't truly a Loki series, it was a TVA series.

I'm livid.

[thebeckster]

Casual Prompt Fill June 2024

Got another casual prompt fill from @love-bokumono-fics

This month's winning choice was Hurricane, which was already lots of fun to play with, but I was also eying the First Day on the Farm prompt for the month too. I had some idea of doing a really nitty-gritty detail walking through of the first day. But then the two prompts combined and I had that thought about starting a game in a different season, and I said "lol what if?"

So this idea was born! (I think it would be objectively hilarious if you started a farm sim in summer and day 1 ended up being a hurricane). (I also think Claire completely ignoring what others might see as Cosmic Signs You Shouldn't Do Something or at best seeing them as minor inconveniences is funny too. Might need to write a longer fic with someone Completely Ignorant of Higher Powers trying to steer them in one direction)

Enjoy!

Hurricane/First Day on the Farm

Claire was SO ready to be a farmer!

She’d been planning this change for so long. Ever since she saw that advertisement for an idyllic life and the idea seized her, she’d dreamed of nothing else. But due to a series of unforeseen circumstances and setbacks, her move-in day had kept getting pushed back.

She was supposed to start her new life at the beginning of spring, starting just as the weather turned warm, with plenty of time to get used to her new life and find her feet.

Now, it was well into summer. Not the easy start she’d been hoping for.

But Claire was not daunted! There may be new challenges, but she was ready to face them, whatever came. At least her delays had given her time to prepare to hit the ground running.

She’d moved in the day before, unpacking all her belongings into the tiny house and getting a tour around town in sweltering summer heat. She was thrilled to see there was a lovely little beach a short walk from her house, and cool, shady forests for her to spend an afternoon exploring. But of course, most exciting to see was her own farm.

Before she went to bed, she stayed up late with a pad of scratch paper, plotting out her plans for the next day. (Her TV antenna wasn’t hooked up yet, so she didn’t have much else to do in the evening).

First thing in the morning, she would take her new tools and begin clearing out her fields. They were overgrown with weeds, and filled with other debris that had to be removed before she could hope to plant anything.

When the day became too hot and she needed a break, then she would head into town and go to the store. There she would buy her seeds, something that would grow quickly, since she’d already lost half the season. Anything slow to grow would just have to be passed over.

She’d do another walk around town and make her introductions, maybe get lunch at the Inn or at the snack shack she’d been told about at the beach. Really she’d try to find a way to pass the hottest hours of the day someplace cool and relaxing.

The late afternoon, she’d go into up the mountain, exploring there, seeing what she could find to forage, as Mayro Thomas had mentioned there was stuff to find up there either to eat or sell. Supposedly there was a natural hot spring as well, which Claire felt like she’d get a lot of use from in the cooler seasons, but in the sweltering heat of summer there was no way she wanted to touch any hot water.

And then when the sun started to go down, and the weather started to cool, she’d go back to continuing her farm work. Sowing her seeds and beginning her life as a farmer. Then she would retire for the night, probably exhausted but satisfied with a good day of hard work.

She went to bed giddy, with her alarm set for the crack of dawn, ready to start her new life in the morning.

Mother Nature had different plans for Claire.

Her alarm went off at 6AM sharp, and Claire jumped out of bed, ready to go. She only stopped when she realized there was a strange noise outside. It took her a moment to realize she was hearing rain drumming against her house, beating against the roof and the windows, and the wind outside was howling.

Her heart sank into her stomach as she hurried to the door and wrenched it open. She stared with dismay at the heavy clouds, the lashing rain, flashing lightning, and wrenching wind. It was a hurricane. Claire knew they were possible in this region, living on the coast meant there was a chance for severe weather. And she’d done her research to know that at least one hurricane would hit this region per summer.

She just never could have imagined it would happen today of all days.

The wind shifted and Claire was showered with cold rain before she shut her door against the storm. With a sigh, Claire leaned against the door and slid to the floor. There was no hope in going out while the storm raged, and she certainly couldn’t get any work on her farm done.

So much for hitting the ground running.

She took a bracing breath, standing up and dusting off her hands.

Fine. She’d faced a number of delays already, what was one more day lost to the weather. Today she could finish getting her house in order. And tomorrow she would be even more prepared to start off!

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi! I saw that you were theorizing before about Sherlock so I really want two things let out of my chest since I saw the series and I am curious what you think.

First of all, I have always had this theory that Moffat and Gatiss wanted Johnlock as their end-goal. I studied Film and screenwriting which taught me a lot and there is NO WAY they made all those things suggesting that their relationship is keep building from colleague to friends to something else in the first two season just by share accident. There are so many ways they could have done it and I don't believe it that they wanted queer baiting just for the sake of it THIS much without a resolution. I especially not believe it since Gatiss is gay and he should know more. Not to mention that the interviews around the first two seasons were quite telling sometimes that they were not opposed to the idea. Then something happened. My theory is that either the BBC or whoever was charged of Doyle estate and Sherlcok Holmes right (which became free from this year), or maybe even both of them could see where this is going and let Mofftiss know that they can't do that. They are bringing the money and they can call the shots even though they are the creators so they needed to compromise. And you can see they clearly made a turn from Season 3. And I think you can tell about the interviews as well from that period. I believe that's (one of the) reason Martin had enough by the end probably and they just did the job they had to do. That's what I felt. Like they were acting but it didn't really have the....spice if you know what I mean. What do you think? I have always had this theory but since studying film and how film production work and the writing progress I am convinced that they thought it through and they had a clear intension, a long game but they need to stop. 2. This second one is not a theory but it always really bugged me. In the last episode, the Final problem when Sherlock had to call Molly to make her say I love you (let's not talk about the part how rubbish it was), why Molly looked so...pardon my language...shit? She looked so done, like she was crying for hours before and it was just super weird. What was the intention behind it? It was never really explained. Or did they want to suggest that she had a shitty day and she has no patience today for Sherlock or what? She was so completely different than normally. (And I try not to rage about the fact how they underminded her character but that's another story). What do you think about that one? Honestly it really bothered me when I saw that.

Sorry for the long post. This is something I have in me for years and I didn't really have anyone to share with. If anyone else wants to comment on it, go ahead. (And english is not my first language so sorry if there are grammar issues)

Hey Lovely!

Sorry for the delay in a reply, I always need to switch my brain into Meta Mode™ to answer these types of questions, and since I don't do that much anymore, I have to go back and see what I used to theorize, LOL. So, let's go:

ONE:

Your theory aligns mostly with my own: either the (at the time) Doyle estate got involved since they saw where the plot lines were leading to post-S3, OR – and this is the one I lean more heavier towards – BBC interference. I believe there was a turnover of higher-ups at BBC at the time, if I recall correctly, and perhaps their vision for the show differed from what the story was being told. I agree with you – there is NO WAY that they DIDN'T see what they were doing...

Which then leads me to the third (and, I fear, the actual answer) option – queerbaiting to bring in the numbers. Moffat has done projects in the past where he never follows through with the queer romance or they die / happens offscreen, and Gatiss has openly admitted to using homoeroticism to bring in an audience after the downfall of S4. So It's also likely that they got too full of themselves, and without a third writer to reign them in and make a cohesive narrative (at the VERY least make S4 make sense to the other previous episodes with or without Johnlock endgame), they wrote something no one liked at ALL (even though they LEGIT thought TFP was great enough to nominate for an Emmy, if I recall correctly, and backed down on that claim after it was critically panned), including the critics AND general audience, basically told everyone they were stupid, and picked up their ball and went home. And they refuse to say if Sherlock is done at this point because the Brand™ gets them money still.

None of the actors seemed very happy after S4, even though they worked SO hard to make the best with what they had been given. Martin was DONE in interviews, Ben is SO bad at faking it, but he tried, bless his heart, and I think at this point, with both Martin and Ben busy with their own careers and side projects, I don't think we're getting anything within the next 5 years. But I've been surprised before.

TWO:

Ah, yes, the Molly Thing in TFP™, one of the things that just... ruined her entire character, devolving her back to ASiP Molly. The running theory – or at least my theory – is that she is a placeholder character for John in John's coma nightmare. She is John's inner feelings, the ones John himself feels like he can't express to Sherlock because he fears the rejection from Sherlock. I PERSONALLY think that's how we're supposed to read that scene, because otherwise any other context is weird and demeaning to her character arc.

But then again, the entirety of S4 is one big FU the series without an S5 to clean it up.

-------

I hope I helped a bit with this response! Sorry if I missed anything, I'm exhausted and need some sleep LOL.

Feel free, friends, to add your own thoughts.

[my-name-is-bunnyfoxy]

Some thoughts I have about Noggin

He's been on my mind for a while, especially when I remember my original thoughts on him and just how the show ended up subverting my expectations for this character.

What were my first thoughts on Noggin? When I first saw the trailer where I got to saw him for the first time, I thought he was actually pretty adorable. My main assumption was that he was probably gonna be a crazy and loopy gremlin like Daffy due to similar design and possible similar behavior. Which led me to the idea that he was gonna be a reincarnation (I would have headcannoned he then became blender gremlin and eventually Daffy) later down the line. Which I would have really liked.

Then finally, the series came out and after some months of delay, I finally got around to watching the show. He basically acted like what I basically assumed. Though this time he was more rather dumb then crazy in my opinion. I thought he was just gonna be that. That's all. But then, never squeeze a fox came in and I was actually surprised when he started talking. I thought he honestly just died in the previous episode and then would just come back like that and act like nothing happened, but no.

The creators actually ended up making me be surprised by that, and then came the ring he wears that is immune to any sort of magic. I actually got pretty excited when he began talking and I really was curious to see more of him. I ended up loving Noggin a lot more. Instead of being just a simple gremlin with a simple backstory, the creators did something else.

Noggin ended up getting so much more personality. At first he was a dumb, slimmy, feral, idiotic and weird gremlin, but then he became intelligent, very educated, mature and even a literal emotional and mental manipulator and somewhat of a gaslighter judging by what him and the others did to Riley, taking advantage of his trauma and when he is at his most vulnerable. He is cunning and also an asshole. However though, he still keeps his feral side and acts very hostile and aggressive. As he did pretty much kill a guy and also the chickens.

Speaking of chickens, I was genuinely shocked how he was the last to survive. The creators genuinely ended up making me dumb and made me forget that because of his newfound ring, he is immune to any sort of magic, including the clay knife of creation. I actually did before watching this episode read on the wiki he is the last to survive, which I genuinely thought was just him by accident surviving and then at the end he just dies by yet again another accident. But nope. Nope. Now he is set to be the season 2 villain which I'm looking forward to.

I genuinely love Noggin and how much development he went thru and how they put me thru a whole ton of shock I wasn't expecting at all. Love Noggin, my 2nd favorite gremlin, total chad, let's see if he dies in season 2 lol

[h2obased]

Another Word For Surveillance - Part 12

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Summary: You asked Bucky out. He said no. Cool. How do you move on? You don’t.

Notes & Warnings:

DNI if under 18 | Fluff, swearing, canon typical violence, some angst, lotsa pining, sexual content I don’t give permission for my work to be copied/reposted/translated anywhere. I only post stories here and on AO3. Series Chapters || Masterlist Another Word For Surveillance - Part Twelve

BUCKY

Sometimes Bucky had terrible luck. There’s a permanent exhibit at the Smithsonian and a handful of documentaries elaborating on this deplorable fact.

When Steve told Bucky about having to leave the same day for a mission, only six minutes after you made him a very happy man in that cramped office room, all Bucky could do was repeatedly curse until Steve ended the call. 

Of course he has to leave again. Of course.

He can’t do anything about that but there was one thing he could change now - he made you his first call. And that made all the difference. 

You took the news well, in that you did not start spouting expletives unlike Bucky, but you were worried nonetheless. 

“Allentown? Wasn’t that a dead end?”

“Can’t say where.” Bucky slipped into another office room at the hangar, which was very similar to where he first kissed you, and the memory filled him with the warmth of assurance. “Sorry Sweets.”

“It’s Allentown.”

“No.” Lie. Bucky didn’t wait for you to catch on. “It’s three days tops.”

“Is it though?”

That made him laugh. A belly-warming, head-clearing, eye-crinkling laugh.

Nobody ever fussed about where Bucky went. Except you. Over a year ago, he was off to steal alien tech in Atlantic City and transport it to a facility in Colorado. He disappeared for two days. Nobody even asked where he had been. But when he skipped a morning meeting to run down a lead, even the groundskeepers told him you popped by to inquire if Bucky had taken one of the mowers again for a joy ride.

It was nice to know you cared enough to be bummed out by the spontaneous nature of his job.

You took a breath, like you wanted to say something.

“Yeah Sweets?” He held his breath.

But you didn’t say much after that. Just a goodbye, with a smile in your voice. “Nothing, just… be careful out there.” A microwave dinged. “In Allentown.”

He pictured you walking around the apartment barefoot, wearing his shirt. The one you never returned. He chuckled, knowing there wasn’t much he could say to make you think you got the location wrong. 

“See you in three days ok?” He sounded a little bit too eager, but this was critical. In three days, he’ll get time with you, away from the office, away from screens, paperwork and case files. Just you and him. 

“Ok Bucky. Three days.” 

You sounded so sweet, even if you didn’t know what he had in mind.

It’s never just three days. Not when Bucky’s on the passenger manifest. Of course. 

His frustration peaked when three days became five and even when the Quinjet hit cruising altitude mere minutes after taking off from an abandoned complex in Allentown on Day Six, he continued to simmer and refused to speak. 

He couldn’t even reply to your messages without rambling. There was much to tell you about the most routine activities - he discovered the best way to roll a hoodie and turn it into a pillow -  but he couldn’t string words together. Instead, he sent you a short text letting you know he’ll be home soon. Bucky tossed his phone into his bag half-heartedly, knowing he would have been better off scrolling through your messages: cat memes and photos of overgrown grass at the compound.

Mild annoyance took up all his energy that moment. He wanted to blame Steve, somebody, anybody, but deep down Bucky knew there was no one to blame for this delay, except maybe the asshole trafficking a bad batch of the super soldier serum that nearly caused a gang turf war to erupt in the east coast.

He closed his eyes and exhaled, feeling his stomach contract and gradually expand as he followed with slow deep breaths. 

Bucky placed his palms flat against his legs and focused on you. He planned on making dinner. One of the three dishes he learned how to do really well. He’d bribe the bozos to stay out of the apartment. So that you can relax and forget about everything else. And if you wanted more than that, well Bucky was prepared for whatever you felt like doing. 

Yeah, he could see himself doing all these things with you. 

Now that he could admit that to himself, a slight panic rose because he really should be spending more time delivering on The Plan. 

To convince you that The Incident back at the bar all those months ago was a fluke. 

That he was prepared to go to great lengths to make you happy. 

That all he wanted to be was yours. 

It wasn’t just a one-night plan - it was a lifetime plan. He was prepared to shoot for the fucking stars.

The potency of his conviction made him feel dizzy at times. It was definitely unusual, this sense of knowing where he belonged. And to whom. For someone who has bounced from one decade to another without a clear sense of why the hell he’s still around, the certainty that he was meant to be here brought him agency. There’s power in that. 

Getting delayed by work wasn’t just inconvenient, it was not acceptable. He wasted enough time sitting on his ass.

Bucky peeked at the screen overhead and grunted. How can it only be two minutes since take off? 

“Breathe man,” Sam intoned from across the aisle.

Bucky exhaled again, expelling nerves from his system, allowing himself to sink into visions of you. The inquisitive smile you wore when he talked about keeping himself entertained during missions. The way your scent cut through and Bucky could never get enough. 

Your hand on his.

The next time he opened his eyes, the jet dipped under the clouds set against the skyline of upstate New York. The pilot announced landing instructions. Bucky was first to disembark and he didn’t stop walking until he reached the secure grid leading to their residence. 

A third of the walk to the apartments was all the time it took to figure out where you were that evening. It had little to do with his tracking skills. 

It was Romanoff who sent him your location. A peace offering of sorts, Bucky supposed.

“Well played,” he muttered as he picked up his pace. He had time to shower - that was it - and then Bucky was making his way to you.

The First Resort was named after Last Resort, the bar in Total Recall. 

Sam said Total Recall was a movie that came out in the nineties. And the 2000s. He was quick to launch into a monologue about a bodybuilder from Austria, but all Bucky cared about was what the name implied about people at the compound resorting to a drink at the end of a long work day.

No judgment there. If Bucky could get drunk, he’d probably be a regular. 

He parked that thought as he arrived at the bar. It didn’t take him long to spot you in the crowd; it’s a skill Bucky was proud to master. 

His eyes zeroed in on you but he was mindful about keeping a neutral expression. He promptly registered your immediate surroundings - assholes abounded, but it's the lethal ones he needed to weed out as a priority - out of habit and smiled politely at the people at your table. It’s the usual crowd from your team with a few engineers, but Bucky wasn’t one to crash a table like he was the guest of honor. 

A guy telling a story about camping in Nevada paused mid-sentence to glance at Bucky standing awkwardly behind your seat.

You turned your head up, your kilowatt smile stunning the soldier. “Hi.”

Bucky couldn’t even remember what he was so angry about on the flight back home anymore.

“Someone’s been drinking to pass the time until your return Barnes,” Claire teased. 

Bucky’s cheeks reddened and he turned to you helplessly. 

You tilted your head toward the bar. “Let’s get you a drink?”

He eyed the half-empty bottle of beer sitting on rings of water by your arm. While everyone else was on their third or fourth beer, you’d been nursing your drink.

“I’ll have another one too please, thanks Bucky!” Claire called out as Bucky followed you to the bar. 

“It’s been a long day for everyone assigned to Stark’s project,” you explained before glancing at the bartender.

“I don’t really want a beer,” he admitted. Bucky knew what he needed to tell you. He just wasn’t sure how to get there. He took a deep breath, feeling the knots in his shoulder relax as your scent filled his head. He swallowed and focused on that. This was a good start.

He caught your  reflection watching him on the metal panel above the shelf of liquor bottles. The two of you stood elbow to elbow on the bar. Close enough to suggest familiarity but not close enough for Claire to whistle and yell inappropriate jokes from her seat. 

It sure as hell wasn’t close enough for him. 

“Bucky Barnes says no to getting a drink with me? Totally unheard of, I am in shock.” Your mouth dropped, a perfect O, and Bucky almost lost his mind. “I’m in shock!”

He bit his lip. It would have to be one of those things he’s going to have to live with. 

“Relax. I’ll get over it.” Your elbow jabbed him. “I think.”

He exhaled with relief, the color returning to his cheeks. 

You ordered a bottle for Claire and a “lemonade on the rocks” for Bucky. 

He stood next to you, back straight, metal arm resting on the wooden surface. The bar was noisy, and he generally refused to subject himself to places like this. As long as you were next to him though, Bucky can forgive the unbearable world. He could switch off everything in the background. You were the only thing that existed.

He caught you eyeing him again, searching for a bruise maybe or a telltale plaster bandage creeping under a hemline.

“I’m fine.” A few cuts on his arm, the one that had functioning pain receptors at that, but Bucky was going to live. “How’s work?” He asked to deflect your attention off his injury.

“What work, someone kicked me out of a case, remember?” Your amused smile taunted him.

“Can’t be kicked out of an op that didn’t exist,” he retorted with a raised brow. 

You shot him a dirty look. Bucky’s heart skipped a beat. The bartender saved him by sliding drinks before the two of you.

The lemonade cooled his hand. Bucky sipped as you recounted your work week. 

“At least I’m not on Stark’s latest pet project thank God.” A shadow fell over his drink when you shifted toward him. Bucky tilted his head to hear you over the music. “I’m not supposed to know it involves selling fake Stark tech on the dark web.”

Bucky glanced back at the table. Claire waved at him, presumably asking for her beer. 

You followed his gaze and sighed. “Has she been waving for beer this entire time?”

It’s very bad for a field agent like him to be this unaware about everything that was not you. 

Bucky smiled. He’d give his good arm to get rid of the hypervigilance drilled into his brain. 

“Is it going to be one of those times where you do all the smiling and listening?”

He shook his head and found his opening. Bucky turned to you. “I’m making ribs tonight.” That didn’t sound like an invitation. “At home.” Bucky groaned inwardly. What’s up with the declarations? Ask the question, dumbass.

“Sounds nice.”

“You hungry?” He finally blurted out. “I mean-“

“Yeah.”

He grinned, partly relieved, but mainly just happy to be right where you were now. “I walked here.”

You didn’t need to consider it. “Guess I’m going to be famished by the time we reach the south grid.”

On the way out, you passed Claire’s beer to him. Bucky promptly delivered it to her seat. 

Claire accepted the bottle with a wink.

“We’re going for a walk,” he explained, like he needed Claire’s permission.

“Yeah sure.” Claire waved him off with a lazy hand and another sly wink.

It took ages to return to the apartment. He couldn’t very well hoist you over his shoulder and start sprinting. Bucky eyed you carefully, amused that half of his brain already considered the mechanics it would entail. 

The noises dulled the farther you walked. A soft wind blew south. Grass muffled carefree footsteps. 

Bucky smiled. It would be so easy; he wouldn’t even break a sweat.

You questioned his chuckles with narrowed eyes. 

“Hmmm?” His round eyes countered yours. 

Not that he minded the slow hike. It gave you time to ask him in three different ways if he was indeed fine and not hiding any other injuries. You only moved on to Kit The Tractor when his reply satisfied you. 

There wasn’t much he could say by way of lawnmower updates because he’d been away and while he did his best thinking while repairing machines, Bucky had been spending his free time hunting down special flavored KitKats or hanging around in the office to see you instead. 

The apartments loomed ahead, finally, and he noticed your sudden hesitation, footsteps slowing, like you haven’t been to the area before.

“So I got this interesting email from the security office this week…” Your eyes focused on the path ahead. “It said - come down to Happy Hogan’s office ASAP. I was not allowed to reschedule the appointment. When I get there, Happy wants to know if I consent to my biometric information being kept on file.”

“Ah,” was all Bucky could offer. It appeared he wasn’t the only one with ulterior motives for this walk. 

You looked at him curiously. “And because I’m not an idiot I asked for what purpose my personal data was being stored and processed. Guess what he said.”

“Uh-“ Bucky stalled. 

“Unrestricted access to Grid 5 common areas and the private quarters of Mr. James Barnes.” 

By then, you reached the steps to the lobby, where the doors promptly slid open. You entered the building and waited for Bucky to follow before turning toward him with crossed arms. 

“So all those times we were barely speaking, I could have - we could have been…“ You gestured to both of you before slowly dropping your hands to your sides. Your eyes stayed on him but Bucky knew you were speeding through different scenarios in your mind, calculating the likelihood of getting hurt again.

Bucky swallowed. He knew things weren’t going to be perfect everyday. But together, the two of you can string the happy days one after the next, until a terrible day comes but the thing is - he’ll love you through all those days too. And maybe, you’d put your faith in that promise and trust Bucky too.

“Were you ever going to tell me about it?” 

Bucky opened his mouth to defend his lack of judgment but your expression stopped him. One look at your understanding eyes, arched brows waiting patiently for him, and flushed cheeks, not from walking but from knowing exactly what it means for Bucky to fill out five darned forms so you could come and go to the apartments as you pleased - he could only smile back sheepishly. 

He scratched his head and offered you an apologetic grin. This wasn’t how he wanted you to find out about having access to his house all this time.

He also remembered that the lobby was dotted with security cameras broadcasting a live feed to other residents.

Bucky gestured to the elevators quickly and wordlessly, relieved you didn’t demand an explanation right then, when half the team could be watching from their own monitors. 

You entered the lift and Bucky slipped in just before the doors closed. Before small talk could be attempted, the doors reopened on the floor he shared with his best friends.

You stepped out and Bucky walked behind you the entire time, listening to your theories on how the security system worked. 

“Where’s everyone?” 

Steve was in Malta, sticking his nose into something best left alone. Sam, proving he understood Bucky more than either of them wanted to admit, said he was flying to New Orleans right before the jet landed earlier.

“Gone,” Bucky replied. He cared about his friends - one could even say he loved those clowns - but right now, he did not give a rat’s ass. With all due respect.

“Ah.” You leaned against the kitchen island, hip caressing tile, and Bucky swore you did these things on purpose. 

He followed your idle gaze skimming the shiny Italian coffee machine on the counter (Sam’s) and the bananas (Bucky’s) two days away from being officially inedible. 

The simmering pot caught your eye. “You left the stove on?”

He almost forgot about that. Bucky glanced at his watch. Half an hour or so left on the ribs. He nodded once.

“What if I wasn’t at the bar?”

He shrugged again because it didn’t matter. “You’d be in the office. Or home.” It could have been a dive bar in Chinatown. He would find you. 

The happy smile sucker punched him again. Bucky held on to the counter - to his wits - with a Vibranium grip.

With a deep breath, he turned to you. “I was gonna tell you about the security list.” A line of sweat formed above his brows.

There were so many things he wanted to tell you. Ever since that night at the bar. 

When he begins to feel overwhelmed, he finds it best to focus on you. The center of his world. Bucky followed the magnetic pull with stumbling feet and he’s relieved when you giggled at the contact.

“You have a very unusual way of telling people you like them.” Your fingers brushed his chest, right over his ancient heart, the one he believed was beyond fixing.

He was so wrong, thank God.

Bucky had to clear his throat. “I don’t like people.” You, on the other hand… “But you can come here whenever you want. I have cookies. And books. I have good books you’d like. And uh… I have a photo of my family somewhere… and guns- ” from the 1940s, he meant to add but he was scrambling for points of interest in the apartment that were more Sweets-aligned and less old man vibes.

“Come run surveillance here. On me.” His voice felt hoarse. He took a deep breath. “Although technically running surveillance means-.”

“I know.” Your lips quickly brushed his, effectively halting his panic. “I like you too, Bucky Barnes. A lot.”

After you pulled back with a triumphant smile, he was momentarily confused but mostly giddy. Too giddy even to be disappointed by the fleeting kiss. It wasn’t anything he couldn’t fix anyway. “How about you ask your building super to give me a break then?” He lifted your chin with a trembling hand, gazing at your mouth with undisguised hunger. 

Fucking hell he’d turn the world upside down if you asked him to.

Bucky kissed you and took his sweet time about it. He tasted the smile on your lips; they were heavenly, just as he remembered. He would never get enough of it. 

He savored your warmth and the way your curves and edges seemed to be a perfect fit with his. Eager hands squeezed the exposed skin above your waist, and when you gasped, he swooped in to take your breath with another kiss.

His searching tongue coaxed yours into tasting his. With every passing second, Bucky lost himself. He couldn’t hang on to a single thought so he followed his instincts instead. 

A surge of hunger overtook him, testing his self-control. He held your face as gently as his needy hands could, and kissed you like a man making up for lost time. 

His hands kneaded your back, moving slowly until they settled on your waist again.

You sighed, your breath fanning Bucky’s feverish neck. He whispered your name as you trailed kisses from his jaw to his neck, his hands never leaving your lower back. He couldn’t let you go. Not again. 

“Do you-“

“Yeah-“

Bucky nearly kicked his bedroom door off its hinges. He cupped your cheek and backed you onto his bed. 

While crossing the threshold to his room didn’t dull the intensity in him, it heightened the intimacy to the point where Bucky’s heart stilled. He took your hand and kissed your wrist, almost reverently. He was so lost in you and yet he could see everything so clearly too. 

The strands of messy hair, his own doing. The soft line framing your mouth when you smiled at him. The light in your eyes. 

The slowed pace confused you for a moment, but before you could say a word, Bucky pressed his nose into your flushed neck. His hands itched to rip your clothes off, but he slipped a finger under your hoodie instead, sliding it off one shoulder slowly before moving to the other.

He wanted to remember all of this. 

“I miss you.” He confessed as you left a delicious path of kisses over his jaw. “Miss you everyday. When you’re not in the office. When they make me go - ah oh fuck,” Bucky gasped when your hand trailed below his navel.

With careful hands he pulled your shirt up. Soft, warm skin beckoned. Bucky practically tore the fabric apart trying to get it off you. 

“Let me - Buck - whoa, Bucky!” You giggled at his impatience. 

His eyes went wide with awe. You were the most beautiful thing he’s laid eyes on. And you were on his bed. 

He climbed over you within seconds, determined to kiss every surface area that was just unveiled to him. 

“Bucky.“ Your outstretched hand only found air. 

He made quick work of your boots and jeans. His breathing picked up with every inch of leg revealed. He was already delirious and it’s only from watching you writhe on his sheet, undeniable want etched on your face.

“Bucky.” A little more stern this time, but he really liked how his name sounded coming from you.

“Yeah Sweets?” He discarded his own clothes with ease. He watched you rake his body up and down in admiration with your eyes and dropped jaw.

“I didn’t come here to stare at you… come here…” Your voice trailed as your gaze finally settled on his eyes.

He smirked. Bucky was obedient when the right orders were given. Within a second he straddled your hips, the tip of his nose brushing yours. Your lips parted but he didn’t give you a chance to breathe. Bucky kissed you with determined lips, his fingers brushing the hair off your face. 

All he knew for decades was loneliness. The program wiped his memories, but the hollow ache remained, not even after the crew picked him up from Wakanda. 

Yet right now, he couldn’t even tell where he ended and you began. 

And neither of you seemed to be in such a hurry to figure that one out. 

He chuckled against your chest. 

“What’s so funny?” Your idle hand caressed his tingling skin.

Bucky felt your body arching to him. He quietly marveled at how good this feels - and how the intimacy feels familiar, similar to exchanging secret looks from across a conference room, like things were always meant to be like this. He crawled up to you, whispering “Nothing.”

Just that sometimes he was also one lucky bastard.

Thank you for reading. I hope you liked this.

If you need more Bucky in your life, I have other stories here: Masterlist.