#but it feels less silly when its not a more modern setting and its fantasy but now im like.

[mellotronmkll]

trying to find photo references to give my players for npcs in a campaign set in london in the 60s is hell because i keep running out of guys so then im scrambling before the session and doing shit like googling "Men"

[paladin-of-nerd-fandom65]

That was quick lol & pretty good answers too :)

1: I forgot if you answer this already but for a animated series or movie, what type of style would you like for the duo? An anime style, modern cartoon, into the spider-verse style, a 3D type of animation similar to the battle of the supersons movie?

2: for the duo, which parent is the favorite? I can see both being mommas boys & liking Lois & starfire more

3: what’s the saddest movie they ever saw?

4: you probably answer this in a previous post but what type of angst did the boys experience? I can see Chris seeing a normal family & experience angst that why couldn’t Zod & his bio mom show the same type of love to him.

5: since they love to wrestle, is there a custom made wrestling ring at their base? It would be pretty cool & fun if they use like tables to slam each other through since they are super durable lol

6: speaking of wrestling, do you know the wrestler rikishi? If yes what’s their reaction to his signature move the stinkface where he rubs his butt all over your face while the opponent is laying on the bottom turnbuckle?

Thanks so much @gothicghost2000 I really appreciate your support and ideas for this silly little superhero fantasy writing experiment that’s been going on for about a year by now. You bring up valid and helpful points to what exactly these two are like together in a version of the DCU that as of now sadly, we can only dream off. It’s small scale admittedly

Now into the questions themselves ;-)

1. Easily a 2D animated show utilizing either traditional cel techniques or even the digital Toon Boom, done with an anime-esque design and aesthetic akin to Teen Titans Animated (2003 to 2006) and the classic Ben 10 (2005 to 2008). Will it be time consuming and relatively costly in the long run, I say maybe but I say it fits well with a TV show format as akin to its 3D cousin, 2D animation can look real pretty to look at and allow for a variety of tones, coloring for backgrounds along with other such techniques to set the mood for the characters, actions and other vibrant motions on screen. Plus I just like 2D over 3D in general anyways lol

2. For Chris, while it’s a very close call, Mom Lois still remains his favorite of the two if only by the thinnest of margins. Ironic, considering that like in canon, when he first appeared after landing in Earth, her uncertain behavior and her comments about what to do with him left him am impression that she didn’t like him. Thankfully, those feelings on Chris’ end were put to rest once she did take him in at first as a foster child and later fully adopted, showing she does love him.

Now for Jake, it’s really all too obvious and yes in the end of the day, you’d be correct my friend lol While Mar’i is a Daddy’s Girl, Jake is even by his own admission a Momma’s Boy. There’s irony here toon canonically as we seen in New Order, because of Kory making the reluctant choice to leave the Grayson household to reform the Titans as a resistance movement against Dick’s Crusaders, Jake by the time of the storyline had gotten rather cold to her, to the point of addressing her by her first name. Thankfully they all reconciled once superpowers were restored to the world thanks to Jake’s powers and Luthor’s scheme.

3. If they stick to their wheelhouse of films meant for their age range or at least something that doesn’t make Dick flip out, it’ll be Kubo and the Two Strings

As for films outside said wheelhouse and most likely the ones they sneak in….. it’ll be both Schindler’s List and The Green Mile. Either case, they’d remain relatively stunned into utter silence with haunted eyes before switching everything off. After a minute passes though….well remember that scene from Rick and Morty in the car after a harrowing time of their own? Picture that, just with Chris screaming “Fudge” instead but more or less generally the idea.

4. Chris mainly suffers from anxiety and C-PTSD as brought about due to Zod’s harsh treatment of him which while only for the first years of his life are nonetheless memorable for all the wrong reasons. He fears rejection from the Family he stays but more so being at fault for pain and misery he brings to others with his actions, that can result in said abandonment and rejection. He strives on being the best to protect others from suffering like how his Father Clark protect him from such, his heart crushed every time he fails to save someone close to him or otherwise.

Meanwhile, Jake aches in his heart for the losses his parents had to endure and the fear of his family and friends in turn suffering either an untimely end or a fate worse than that, and all Jake can do is watch helplessly to stop it. This drive to protect those he cares about and making sure they’re safe also extends to the citizens of the city he protects, the planet half of his heritage hails from and as of his time through middle school….Meredith, the crush of his life, though he’d just say the two of them are just good friends, Meredith similarly saying that. On top of that, he’s haunted by the sight of some street urchins and orphans, with grisly marks and slashes across their bodies, victims of Zsasz, victims he feels guilt y of failing to save no matter how much he knew about it beforehand or not.

Finally though, all these factors are wrapped up by the neat bow that is living up to the legacy of the Boy Wonder and what it stands for many. While his Uncle Tim(my) rightfully has the colors, Jake shares his vision to make sure whoever his partner, his friend, his ‘Batman’ ether it be his Father, his Best Friends or even Bruce himself on some occasions, don’t slip down into a dark bleak spiral that is their mindscapes, not if either Robin or in Jake’s case Skybird can help it.

After all, any crime fighter needs a partner, every ‘Batman’ needs a ‘Robin’, no matter what they think.

5. Oh Yes they will be a customized wrestling ring in the StarCave/Fortress of Fortitude as part of their training room. It has alternating black and blue ring ropes with solid dark purple turnbuckles, made of classic 15 x 15 ft long wood planks on top of a steel frame with a solid yet not too thick layer of foam covered by a cloth mat canvas, at the center of it being their logo. Jokingly, Chris once even suggested the idea of making Wrestling Championship belts for themselves and their friends though Jake notes that YJ already has some for their little wrestling ring back at their Mt Justice HQ. He might need to ask permission first if it’s okay with them to basically copy what they’re doing

6. Both Chris and Jake cringe and shield each other’s eyes almost every time Rikishi does a stink face. They get its charm and ability to whip up a crowd with excitement, it’s just nasty for them though.

[dangermousie]

2020 End of Year Post - cdrama edition

This is only going to cover cdramas that aired in 2020; if I had to make a post about all the cdramas I watched this year, I would still be doing it in three months...

Overall it’s been a fairly decent cdrama year (certainly better than the very lacklustre kdrama year.) It’s no miracle that 2019 was (so many excellent dramas!) but overall pretty solid.

DRAMAS WATCHED

(In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality; I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list)

44 The Legend of Jing Yan - the worst cdrama I have seen this year, and possibly the worst drama of 2020, period. The hero and heroine were both uncharismatic, incapable of acting and saddled with such shrilly moronic characters, the only suspense was how they haven’t both perished long since from forgetting to breathe. Nor was anyone in the rest of the cast much better; the screenplay was written by a lower mammal and the cinematography was the best a third-rate wedding cinematographer could offer. Stay the HELL away from this one.

43 Unicorn Girl - the only unicorn about this bland yet irritating piece of pap was the fact that I was supposed to believe the leads are hockey players.

42 Autumn Cicada - I like spy stories, Allen Ren, and Republican Era settings. I can tune out Communist propaganda with the best of them. Yet, the propaganda ate the story to such a degree that there was nothing left; pre magic change Pinocchio was less wooden then this narrative.

41 You Complete Me - no you do not.

40 Skate into Love - the only positive thing I can say about this is that at least it’s better than Unicorn Girl, if for no other reason that only one of them is supposed to be a hockey player.

39 Irreplaceable Love - how do you make a story about fake siblings with a mad mother falling for each other boring? I don’t know, ask the makers of this.

38 Eternal Love Rain - I hate to rain on their parade, but these two actors cannot act, have about as much chemistry as a piece of bread, and are trapped in a story perfect for entertaining the mental abilities of the leads of Jin Yan.

37 For Married Doctoress - ummmm, you could do worse I guess. It only made me break out in mild hives. The sadistic ending did make me laugh though.

36 Dance of the Sky Empire - why you get Xu Kai and waste him in this insipid mess of a story is beyond me.

35 Love Designer - it’s inoffensive except to my sense of entertainment. There is nothing wrong with it but oh God is it bland.

34 Love a Lifetime - It felt like a lifetime watching this, but I didn’t love it. The story is incoherent, the actors have no chemistry and it’s all an epic waste of time.

33 Love is Sweet - so sweet it gave me diabetes. I like Luo Yunxi and Bai Lu, but there is literally no plot. I don’t need to sink into a plotless morass to watch pretty people engage in PG-rated make-outs. I am an adult with access to stronger stuff if I am thus inclined, though to be fair they could get x-rated and I still wouldn’t be able to sit through so many episodes of plotlessness for that.

32 Fake Princess - I love Zhao Yi Qin, but the guy needs to pick better projects. The female lead in this one has the voice and personality that can strip paint but the story is also doing nobody any favors.

31 The Changan Youth - I lost my brain checking this out. I had to go and read a dense treatise on medieval coinage or Mayan farming to try to recover it.

30 My Dear Destiny - kinda cheesy fun. It honestly shouldn’t be as low except it really feels like community theater.

29 Handsome Siblings - why is the Nic Tse version so good and this one so bad? True mystery for the ages. Chen Zhe Yuan is the sole reason this isn’t lower, because that kid tries SO HARD to make this drama bearable and almost succeeds. I can’t wait to see him in Sha Po Lang which actually will give him something to do.

28 In a Class of Her Own - see my comment on The Changan Youth. But at least Song Weilong is gorgeous to look at.

27 General’s Lady - inoffensive, pretty and so utterly pointless.

26 The Blooms at Ruyi Pavilion - those two leading actors are a no go to me but at least they considerately acted with each other instead of ruining two dramas for me. It’s very pretty though.

25 Jiu Liu Overlord - it’s a mess and I bailed, but I placed it this high merely due to the fact that Lai Yi finally gets a leading role and he’s sexy as fuck and I am shallow. Whoever styled Bai Lu should never work again except at a circus, however.

24 Cross Fire - not my genre and Luhan will always look too much like my cousin for comfort, but it’s a surprisingly gripping and dark drama. I liked it!

23 God of Lost Fantasy - if you want to watch a mediocre wuxia/xianxia, this is not a bad choice. Probably better than Legend of Fei actually, because at least it doesn’t have an A-list cast to waste and gives us Sheng Yilun himbo and shirtless.

22 Renascence - the insane cuts (it went from 70 eps to 36!!!) made a fairly cheesy story into a total mess. But I had a good time until I finally bailed mainly because of the male lead (Chen Zhe Yuan yet again carrying a not-good 2020 drama on his shoulders; the guy should be nicknamed Atlas) and the insane but in a fun way story. The female lead (both the character and the actress) were not up to par but oh well.

21 Legend of Fei - only this high because objectively there is nothing I disliked it. But there is nothing I liked either. The most uninspired drama on the list. If you could eat cardboard, this is what it would taste like.

20 Ever Night 2 - compared to EN1, it’s a waste of film. On its own merits, it’s not very good (the cast replacements are uniformly inferior and Dylan Wang is so wrong for Ning Que I cannot even put it into words; the script is useless.) But it had some parts I loved so very VERY much (all the shippy stuff was perfection) so I don’t feel too bitter.

19 Castle in the Sky 2 - a lovely if not too complex fairy tale. It is inferior to its prequel because it doesn’t have Zhang Ruo Yun who elevated it, but it’s still a solid bit of fun.

18 The Great Ruler - it’s very high fantasy, very pretty, and surprisingly involving.

17 (tie) Legend of Two Sisters in the Chaos - the secondary couple steals the show but the rest is not too bad if not too involving.

17 Legend of Awakening - a solid bit of fun with a seriously BDSM streak (theme this year apparently - but come on, the lead’s powers only activate when he’s in extreme pain!) It’s a bit generic and the costuming is done by a blind person, not to mention the OTP is a NOTP, but the rest of relationships (romantic and platonic) are wonderful (I live for the found siblings story in this one) and I like most of the characters.

16 Consummation - a rare modern cdrama I liked; a sweet coming of age story (and love story) even if wrapped in a pretty weird virtual reality concept.

15 Oops the King is in Love - this is how you do a low budget, sweet, silly piece of fluff. Our heroine pretends to be a eunuch and crosses paths with a powerless young king and they are adorable, even more so than the drama.

14 Song of Glory - pretty solid, though draggy and I didn’t love the toothpaste filter. But A+ cast, excellent leading couple chemistry, Li Qin being a BAMF and a leading man (Qin Hao) who is actually an adult.

13 And the Winner is love - objectively kind of a mess (and the heroine has the brainpower of a gnat), but the OTP chemistry is excellent and Luo Yunxi fighting and flirting with a fan as finally a leading man is worth the price of admission.

12 Miss S - snazzy and snappy and stylish and whatever else starts with S.

11 Eternal Love of Dream - I don’t know if it would work for you as well if you weren’t a hardcore shipper for this OTP in Three Lives but I was and this was such a darling, wonderful, shippy delight; plus I love this type of high fantasy.

10 (tie) Maiden Holmes - solid and sweet and a wonderful OTP. Proves that functional doesn’t have to mean boring. If you watch one cross-dressing drama this year make it this one.

10 Qin Dynasty Epic - srs bsns history epic. I am not far into it but it’s so good and smart and visually stunning (if you love battles, this one is for you.)

9 Love Lasts Two Minds - I adored this so much more than I should objectively have, but it’s so beautiful (and no I am not just referring to Alan Yu’s face) and the OTP has wonderful chemistry and the story is solid, and the whole trope of her memory being wiped but falling for him all over again while he’s constantly and utterly devoted is a fave; plus he’s in pain and semi-dyng for most of it so sluuuurp (happy ending, don’t worry)

8 To Love - yes, a modern drama is this high! But it involves intensity, tragedy, genuine adults and sexiness that is Lin Gengxin. And there is an actual plot and darkness OMG!

7 Legend of Xiao Chuo - so beautiful, so fun, so full of gorgeousness of Shawn Dou. Plus, Liao is a rare setting for a cdrama and there are a lot of characters and stories I liked a LOT. Less ship content than I wanted but more than I expected.

6 The Romance of Tiger and Rose - so so delightful. I was literally laughing out loud. I have no idea if it will work as well if one isn’t a seasoned watcher of period cdrama/reader of web novels, with bonus for watching/reading Goodbye My Princess, but it was a complete delight for me (and yes, I shipped for real, as well. Best of both worlds.)

5 Twisted Fate of Love - Jin Han gets a leading period drama role! And he’s enjoying it to the hilt, excellent as a smart, twisty bastard who is also charming and so madly in love with heroine. Sun Yi is beautiful and tough and her chemistry with JH is on fire, the story never drags, and it’s so twisty and fun and just awesome.

4 Love In Between - the most underrated drama on this list. It has no big names or big budget, but it’s wuxia that’s clever, driven, tragic, hopeful and so beautifully shot. Three separate (amazing) OTPs, a leading man who is so not typical (a doctor who cannot fight and who never acquires this ability) and who is intense and smart and damaged, a heroine who puts her quest ahead of her emotions, an unhealthy degree of involvement by yours truly. This is a drama Fei should have been.

3 Love and Redemption - such a lovely, addictive, utterly romantic fairy tale. I was obsessed with it for a reason. All the tropes you love and some you didn’t know you did, a star-crossed OTP to the nth power (and a secondary OTP I hardcore love), a twisty yet coherent plot, some insane chemistry and so much whump and hurt/comfort they must have bought blood packets in bulk.

2 Go Ahead - yes, I can’t believe it either. A contemporary slice of life cdrama made it this high on my list. But the way it feels so real, the found family perfection, the characters I love and loathe, the perfect cherry of a wonderful OTP that hits my narrative kinks on top, and just a perfect storm of loveliness all around with this one.

1 The Wolf - is that any surprise to anyone who’s checked out this tumblr for the last couple of months? Tragic, intense and gorgeous; so romantic and angsty and passionate it made me lose my mind (though some of it was gone the moment the camera panned to Darren Wang) - all my favorite tropes and then some; this is a drama that may not be perfect but it is 100% and then beyond perfect for ME.

FAVORITE DRAMA

The Wolf - I have seen objectively better cdramas; even this year. But it has been literal years since I have been this hardcore obsessed, this utterly pleased, this emotionally catered to and devastated at once. A beautiful dark fairy tale that manages to own me despite the storytelling gaps due to censorship, it took me for one of the biggest emotional roller coaster rides of my drama watching career. Visually gorgeous, poetic, intense, and so romantic it took my breath away, this is not just my favorite cdrama of 2020, it’s my favorite drama this year period, and the one cdrama this year to make it into my permanent Top 10 cdramas list.

WORST DRAMA

Legend of Jin Yan - see my write up for it for why as I refuse to waste more time on this stupid mess.

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

Wolfie, The Wolf - he is such a haunted, tormented, complex, dark mess; loving and violent, severely damaged and with a hidden yearning softness, longing and aloof. And the amount of charisma and sheer masculine sex appeal Darren Wang brings to the role is insane and not something I see much of in a cdrama. Plus, that character arc with its rapid fall and slow painful redemption is A++++

Runner Up:  Sifeng, Love and Redemption - has a male lead ever loved more utterly and selflessly, suffered more thoroughly and beautifully, and managed to have such chemistry with both his leading lady and his leading man (that his leading lady temporarily turned into) at once? The answer is no.

Almost made the cut - Feng Xi, Twisted Fate of Love, Han Shuo, The Romance of Tiger and Rose, Qing Ci, Love in Between.

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Xiao Qian, The Romance of Tiger and Rose - so funny, so much the reason this drama was such a delight. I adore her beyond words.

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

Murder Daddy, The Wolf - I am sad the censors robbed us of seeing him die on screen. He was fully human but nonetheless managed to be the worst monster in a drama full of literal ones.

Ling Xiao’s Mom, Go Ahead - I hate her so much I don’t want to look up her name. She abused the kid, the disappeared and came back to abuse him some more. I mean she literally gave her child mental health issues. She is the WORST.

FAVORITE SHIP

Xing’er x Wolfie, The Wolf - are you kidding me? Who else could it ever be for me? They destroyed each other and saved each other, sworn enemies and childhood lovers, soulmates and epic messes, they couldn’t live with or without each other. The longing, the passion, the intensity, the angst, the epicness. LIKE THERE ARE NO WORDS!!!!

FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP

Si Yuan, Shen Manqing, Love in Between - I loved them as much and often more than the main OTP. So much angst and passion and a happy ending! She is a seeming sect darling (except the sect is horrible and also sexist so her only worth is as a marriage candidate) and he’s an information broker who is actually one of the members of a destroyed sect that’s blamed for the massacre of her family. That chemistry and yearning is insane. The scene where she touches his face when he’s unconscious was in serious running for my favorite scene of 2020.

NOTP

Legend of Awakening - I have never seen a couple that didn’t just have no chemistry but exhibited actual revulsion towards each other before watching Chen Feiyu and Cheng Xiao try to act as lovers in this one. It was almost entertaining to be honest.

FAVORITE SCENE

It’s a tie and both are from The Wolf. One is a sequence where Wolfie marches to the walls alone, seeking death at Xing’er’s hands and the whole sequence with the battle and rescue follows. The other is the intercut between Xing’er going to her wedding and Wolfie going to his execution, and the auto-da-fe being intercut with her wedding.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Wolfie, The Wolf - Ummm have you seen this tumblr lately, it’s basically a drool shrine to the man.

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Yelü Yansage, The Legend of Xiao Chuo - I have loved this actor since The Myth and he continued to competently steal every scene he was in.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

To Love - come out of the coma, dammit!!!!!!!

NEEDS A DIRECTOR’S CUT

The Wolf - duh. It started out as 59 eps and got cut to 49. I reaiize some stuff is never gonna get put in due to censorship, but some of the stuff that got cut got for time reasons because they were deluded and hoping to get a TV broadcast so ep count had to be under 50. I mean I doubt the censors would care if they kept scenes of Wolfie building her a swing or whatever. I really really want a director’s cut the way Goodbye My Princess did even if like with GMP it’s only three extra eps. Hell, I will take extra three minutes, as long as those three minutes are Darren Wang shirtless or with a sword. Ahem.

NEEDS SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

The Song of Glory - it’s a fairly solid drama but honestly it didn’t need to be as long as it was and kind of got draggy and I got lost interest. (I could have gotten snarky and said all the dramas I didn’t like needed scissors taken to them in their entirety but decided to play nice.)

TOO MANY SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

There are a number of dramas I could complain about with regard to this (hi there, darling The Wolf!) but this award goes to Renascence - poor Renascence was never going to be a masterpiece, but it had the potential to be a bit of good cheesy fun until it had its run time cut by more than half and became an incoherent piece of insanity.

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

Dumb shrill innocent heroine who can’t tie her shoes - see basically all the cdramas I didn’t like this year.

FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF

Male lead torture - I mean it’s always open season on that in cdramas, but between Love and Redemption, The Wolf, Love Lasts Two Minds, Love in Between and so on, it was a banner year!

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

Legend of Fei - what a waste of that cast; what a waste of our finite time on this Earth. What a waste of my intelligence to hope for something better and stick with it for a dozen eps. I have had stale wonderbread that had more personality than this drama.There is absolutely nothing that stands out about this drama in any way,  from half-dimensional characters, to actors who are sleepwalking, to a plot that moves at the speed of an arthritic snail, to uninspired cinematography and direction, to lack of any chemistry between anyone in the cast. If paint-by-numbers was done by a group of particularly linear robots, it might come across the same way as this drama.

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

The Wolf - honestly, I did not expect it to come out AT ALL EVER let alone to become my favorite drama of 2020. I was not familiar with the leading man (hahah), I liked Li Qin but wasn’t yet obsessed with her, and Xiao Zhan was excellent in The Untamed but I was hardly going to follow him from drama to drama (and I don’t do SLS any way.) And the trailer was enjoyable but unlike seemingly everyone, I didn’t think it was going to be some epic masterpiece. And then it came out and while it wasn’t objectively an epic masterpiece, it pulled out all the favorite tropes, shippy and narrative kinks from the deepest darkest recesses of my id. And I fell harder than I have in years. 

2020 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH

None. Covid Year gave me PLENTY of time

BEST NON-2020 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2020

Novoland Eagle Flag and Joy of Life - they are in my Top 10 dramas from anywhere now. They are quite different except being smart and giving me protagonists to obsess over.

ETA: Also The Untamed because @idlewilds3 pointed out I actually watched it in 2020 even though I didn’t think so because this hellyear has lasted about three decades.

MOST ANTICIPATED IN 2021

I am gonna limit it to dozen and leaving out ones that aren’t necesarily supposed to air next year (Joy of Life 2, Love in Flames of War, Novoland Princess from Plateau.)

Monarch Industry, Novoland Pearl Eclipse, Silk Washing Stream, Dream of Changan, Sword Snow Stride, Wu Xing Shi Jia, Ancient Love Poetry, Immortality, The Long Ballad, Mirror Twin Cities, The Imperial Age, Fall In Love

[letterboxd]

Blurring the Line.

As a new Space Jam film beams down to Earth, Kambole Campbell argues that a commitment to silliness and a sincere love for the medium is what it takes to make a great live-action/animation hybrid.

The live-action and animation hybrid movie is something of a dicey prospect. It’s tricky to create believable interaction between what’s real and what’s drawn, puppeteered or rendered—and blending the live and the animated has so far resulted in wild swings in quality. It is a highly specific and technically demanding niche, one with only a select few major hits, though plenty of cult oddities. So what makes a good live-action/animation hybrid?

To borrow words from Hayao Miyazaki, “live action is becoming part of that whole soup called animation”. Characters distinct from the humans they interact with, but rendered as though they were real creatures (or ghosts), are everywhere lately; in Paddington, in Scooby Doo, in David Lowery’s (wonderful) update of Pete’s Dragon.

The original ‘Pete’s Dragon’ (1977) alongside the 2016 remake.

Lowery’s dragon is realized with highly realistic lighting and visual-effects work. By comparison, the cartoon-like characters in the 1977 Pete’s Dragon—along with other films listed in Louise’s handy compendium of Disney’s live-action animation—are far more exaggerated. That said, there’s still the occasional holdout for the classical version of these crossovers: this year’s Tom and Jerry replicating the look of 2D through 3D/CGI animation, specifically harkens back to the shorts of the 1940s and ’50s.

One type of live-action/animation hybrid focuses on seamless immersion, the other is interested in exploring the seams themselves. Elf (2003) uses the aberration of stop-motion animals to represent the eponymous character as a fish out of water. Ninjababy, a Letterboxd favorite from this year’s SXSW Festival, employs an animated doodle as a representation of the protagonist’s state of mind while she processes her unplanned pregnancy.

Meanwhile, every Muppets film ever literally tears at the seams until we’re in stitches, but, for the sake of simplicity, puppets are not invited to this particular party. What we are concerned with here is the overlap between hand-drawn animation and live-action scenes (with honorable mentions of equally valid stop-motion work), and the ways in which these hybrids have moved from whimsical confections to nod-and-wink blockbusters across a century of cinema.

Betty Boop and Koko the clown in a 1938 instalment of the Fleischer brothers’ ‘Out of the Inkwell’ series.

Early crossovers often involve animators playing with their characters, in scenarios such as the inventive Out of the Inkwell series of shorts from Rotoscope inventor Max Fleischer and his director brother Dave. Things get even more interactive mid-century, when Gene Kelly holds hands with Jerry Mouse in Anchors Aweigh.

The 1960s and ’70s deliver ever more delightful family fare involving human actors entering cartoon worlds, notably in the Robert Stevenson-directed Mary Poppins and Bedknobs and Broomsticks, and Chuck Jones’ puntastic The Phantom Tollbooth.

Jerry and Gene dance off their worries in ‘Anchors Aweigh’ (1945).

Mary Poppins is one of the highest-rated live-action/animation hybrids on Letterboxd for good reason. Its sense of control in how it engages with its animated creations makes it—still!—an incredibly engaging watch. It is simply far less evil than the singin’, dancin’ glorification of slavery in Disney’s Song of the South (1946), and far more engaging than Victory Through Air Power (1943), a war-propaganda film about the benefits of long-range bombing in the fight against Hitler. The studio’s The Reluctant Dragon (1941) also serves a propagandistic function, as a behind-the-scenes studio tour made when the studio’s animators were striking.

By comparison, Mary Poppins’ excursions into the painted world—replicated in Rob Marshall’s belated, underrated 2018 sequel, Mary Poppins Returns—are full of magical whimsicality. “Films have added the gimmick of making animation and live characters interact countless times, but paradoxically none as pristine-looking as this creation,” writes Edgar in this review. “This is a visual landmark, a watershed… the effect of making everything float magically, to the detail of when a drawing should appear in front or the back of [Dick] Van Dyke is a creation beyond my comprehension.” (For Van Dyke, who played dual roles as Bert and Mr Dawes Senior, the experience sparked a lifelong love of animation and visual effects.)

Julie Andrews, Dick Van Dyke and penguins, in ‘Mary Poppins’ (1964).

Generally speaking, and the Mary Poppins sequel aside, more contemporary efforts seek to subvert this feeling of harmony and control, instead embracing the chaos of two worlds colliding, the cartoons there to shock rather than sing. Henry Selick’s frequently nightmarish James and the Giant Peach (1996) leans into this crossover as something uncanny and macabre by combining live action with stop motion, as its young protagonist eats his way into another world, meeting mechanical sharks and man-eating rhinos. Sally Jane Black describes it as “riding the Burton-esque wave of mid-’90s mall goth trends and blending with the differently demonic Dahl story”.

Science-classroom staple Osmosis Jones (2001) finds that within the human body, the internal organs serve as cities full of drawn white-blood-cell cops. The late Stephen Hillenburg’s The Spongebob Squarepants Movie (2004) turns its real-life humans into living cartoons themselves, particularly in a bonkers sequence featuring David Hasselhoff basically turning into a speedboat.

David Hasselhoff picks up speed in ‘The Spongebob Squarepants Movie’ (2004).

The absurdity behind the collision of the drawn and the real is never better embodied than in another of our highest-rated live/animated hybrids. Released in 1988, Robert Zemeckis’ Who Framed Roger Rabbit shows off a deep understanding—narratively and aesthetically—of the material that it’s parodying, seeking out the impeccable craftsmanship of legends such as director of animation Richard Williams (1993’s The Thief and the Cobbler), and his close collaborator Roy Naisbitt. The forced perspectives of Naisbitt’s mind-bending layouts provide much of the rocket fuel driving the film’s madcap cartoon opening.

Distributed by Walt Disney Pictures, Roger Rabbit utilizes the Disney stable of characters as well as the Looney Tunes cast to harken back to America’s golden age of animation. It continues a familiar scenario where the ’toons themselves are autonomous actors (as also seen in Friz Freleng’s 1940 short You Ought to Be in Pictures, in which Daffy Duck convinces Porky Pig to try his acting luck in the big studios).

Daffy Duck plots his rise up the acting ranks in ‘You Ought to Be in Pictures’ (1940).

Through this conceit, Zemeckis is able to celebrate the craft of animation, while pastiching both Chinatown, the noir genre, and the mercenary nature of the film industry (“the best part is… they work for peanuts!” a studio exec says of the cast of Fantasia). As Eddie Valiant, Bob Hoskins’ skepticism and disdain towards “toons” is a giant parody of Disney’s more traditional approach to matching humans and drawings.

Adult audiences are catered for with plenty of euphemistic humor and in-jokes about the history of the medium. It’s both hilarious (“they… dropped a piano on him,” one character solemnly notes of his son) and just the beginning of Hollywood toying with feature-length stories in which people co-exist with cartoons, rather than dipping in and out of fantasy sequences. It’s not just about how the cartoons appear on the screen, but how the human world reacts to them, and Zemeckis gets a lot of mileage out of applying ’toon lunacy to our world.

Bob Hoskins in ‘Who Framed Roger Rabbit?’ (1988).

The groundbreaking optical effects and compositing are excellent (and Hoskins’ amazing performance should also be credited for holding all of it together), but what makes Roger Rabbit such a hit is that sense of controlled chaos and a clever tonal weaving of violence and noirish seediness (“I’m not bad… I’m just drawn that way”) through the cartoony feel. And it is simply very, very funny.

It could be said that, with Roger Rabbit, Zemeckis unlocked the formula for how to modernize the live-action and animation hybrid, by leaning into a winking parody of what came before. It worked so perfectly well that it helped kickstart the ‘Disney renaissance' era of animation. Roger Rabbit has influenced every well-known live-action/animation hybrid produced since, proving that there is success and fun to be had by completely upending Mary Poppins-esque quirks. Even Disney’s delightful 2007 rom-com Enchanted makes comedy out of the idea of cartoons crossing that boundary.

When a cartoon character meets real-world obstacles.

Even when done well, though, hybrids are not an automatic hit. Sitting at a 2.8-star average, Joe Dante’s stealthily great Looney Tunes: Back in Action (2003) is considered by the righteous to be the superior live-action/animated Looney Tunes hybrid, harkening back to the world of Chuck Jones and Frank Tashlin. SilentDawn states that the film deserves the nostalgic reverence reserved for Space Jam: “From gag to gag, set piece to set piece, Back in Action is utterly bonkers in its logic-free plotting and the constant manipulation of busy frames.”

With its Tinseltown parody, Back in Action pulls from the same bag of tricks as Roger Rabbit; here, the Looney Tunes characters are famous, self-entitled actors. Dante cranks the meta comedy up to eleven, opening the film with Matthew Lillard being accosted by Shaggy for his performance in the aforementioned Scooby Doo movie (and early on throwing in backhanded jokes about the practice of films like itself as one character yells, “I was brought in to leverage your synergy!”).

Daffy Duck with more non-stop banter in ‘Looney Tunes: Back in Action’ (2003).

Back in Action is even more technically complex than Roger Rabbit, seamlessly bringing Looney Tunes physics and visual language into the real world. Don’t forget that Dante had been here before, when he had Anthony banish Ethel into a cartoon-populated television show in his segment of Twilight Zone: The Movie. Another key to this seamlessness is star Brendan Fraser, at the height of his powers here as “Brendan Fraser’s stunt double”.

Like Hoskins before him, Fraser brings a wholehearted commitment to playing the fed-up straight man amidst cartoon zaniness. Fraser also brought that dedication to Henry Selick's Monkeybone (2001), a Roger Rabbit-inspired sex comedy that deploys a combo of stop-motion animation and live acting in a premise amusingly close to that of 1992’s Cool World (but more on that cult anomaly shortly). A commercial flop, Back in Action was the last cinematic outing for the Looney Tunes for some time.

Nowadays, when we think of live-action animation, it’s hard not to jump straight to an image of Michael Jordan’s arm stretching to do a half-court dunk to save the Looney Tunes from slavery. There’s not a lot that can be fully rationalized about the 1996 box-office smash, Space Jam. It is a bewildering cartoon advert for Michael Jordan’s baseball career, dreamed up off the back of his basketball retirement, while also mashing together different American icons. Never forget that the soundtrack—one that, according to Benjamin, “makes you have to throw ass”—includes a song with B-Real, Coolio, Method Man and LL Cool J.

Michael Jordan and teammates in ‘Space Jam’ (1996).

Space Jam is a film inherently born to sell something, predicated on the existing success of a Nike commercial rather than any obvious passion for experimentation. But its pure strangeness, a growing nostalgia for the nineties, and meticulous compositing work from visual-effects supervisor Ed Jones and the film’s animation team (a number of whom also worked on both Roger Rabbit and Back in Action), have all kept it in the cultural memory.

The films is backwards, writes Jesse, in that it wants to distance itself from the very cartoons it leverages: “This really almost feels like a follow-up to Looney Tunes: Back in Action, rather than a predecessor, because it feels like someone watched the later movie, decided these Looney Tunes characters were a problem, and asked someone to make sure they were as secondary as possible.” That attempt to place all the agency in Jordan’s hands was a point of contention for Chuck Jones, the legendary Warner Bros cartoonist. He hated the film, stating that Bugs would never ask for help and would have dealt with the aliens in seven minutes.

Space Jam has its moments, however. Guy proclaims “there is nothing that Deadpool as a character will ever have to offer that isn’t done infinitely better by a good Bugs Bunny bit”. For some, its problems are a bit more straightforward, for others it’s a matter of safety in sport. But the overriding sentiments surrounding the film point to a sort of morbid fascination with the brazenness of its concept.

Holli Would (voiced by Kim Basinger) and Frank Harris (Brad Pitt) blur the lines in ‘Cool World’ (1992).

Existing in the same demented… space… as Space Jam, Paramount Pictures bought the idea for Cool World from Ralph Bakshi as it sought to have its own Roger Rabbit. While Brad Pitt described it as “Roger Rabbit on acid” ahead of release, Cool World itself looks like a nightmare version of Toontown. The film was universally panned at the time, caught awkwardly between being far too adult for children but too lacking in any real substance for adults (there’s something of a connective thread between Jessica Rabbit, Lola Bunny and Holli Would).

Ralph Bakshi’s risqué and calamitously horny formal experiment builds on the animator’s fascination with the relationship between the medium and the human body. Of course, he would go from the immensely detailed rotoscoping of Fire and Ice (1983) to clashing hand-drawn characters with real ones, something he had already touched upon in the seventies with Heavy Traffic and Coonskin, whose animated characters were drawn into real locations. But no one besides Bakshi quite knew what to do with the perverse concept of Brad Pitt as a noir detective trying to stop Gabriel Byrne’s cartoonist from having sex with a character that he drew—an animated Kim Basinger.

Jack Deebs (Gabriel Byrne) attempts to cross over to Hollie Would in ‘Cool World’ (1992).

Cool World’s awkwardness can be attributed to stilted interactions between Byrne, Pitt and the animated world, as well as studio meddling. Producer Frank Mancuso Jr (who was on the film due to his father running Paramount) demanded that the film be reworked into something PG-rated, against Bakshi’s wishes (he envisioned an R-rated horror), and the script was rewritten in secret. It went badly, so much so that Bakshi eventually punched Mancuso Jr in the face.

While Cool World averages two stars on Letterboxd, there are some enthusiastic holdouts. There are the people impressed by the insanity of it all, those who just love them a horny toon, and then there is Andrew, a five-star Cool World fan: “On the surface, it’s a Lovecraftian horror with Betty Boop as the villain, featuring a more impressive cityscape than Blade Runner and Dick Tracy combined, and multidimensional effects that make In the Mouth of Madness look like trash. The true star, however, proves to be the condensed surplus of unrelated gags clogging the arteries of the screen—in every corner is some of the silliest cel animation that will likely ever be created.”

There are even those who enjoy its “clear response to Who Framed Roger Rabbit”, with David writing that “the film presents a similar concept through the lens of the darkly comic, perverted world of the underground cartoonists”, though also noting that without Bakshi’s original script, the film is “a series of half steps and never really commits like it could”. Cool World feels both completely deranged and strangely low-energy, caught between different ideas as to how best to mix the two mediums. But it did give us a David Bowie jam.

‘Space Jam: A New Legacy’ is in cinemas and on HBO Max now.

Craft is of course important, but generally speaking, maybe nowadays a commitment to silliness and a sincere love for the medium’s history is the thing that makes successful live-action/animation hybrids click. It’s an idea that doesn’t lend itself to being too cool, or even entirely palatable. The trick is to be as fully dotty as Mary Poppins, or steer into the gaucheness of the concept, à la Roger Rabbit and Looney Tunes: Back in Action.

It’s quite a tightrope to walk between good meta-comedy and a parade of references to intellectual property. The winningest strategy is to weave the characters into the tapestry of the plot and let the gags grow from there, rather than hoping their very inclusion is its own reward. Wait, you said what is coming out this week?

Related content

Rootfish Jones’s list of cartoons people are horny for

The 100 Sequences that Shaped Animation: the companion list to the Vulture story

Jose Moreno’s list of every animated film made from 1888 to the present

Follow Kambole on Letterboxd

[infinite-xerath]

Runeterra Retcons 1: Thresh

This is something that I did today. I plan to make this an on-going series (might even take it to YouTube someday if I get the nerve to share my voice), but for now have it as a tumblr post.))

The world of Runeterra is one of the most interesting and complex fantasy settings in modern gaming; a fictional realm bustling with fantastical beings, characters, and a wide variety of plot points offering near endless potential for story-telling. The story of League of Legends is not, in fact, a singular narrative, but rather a collection of different stories spread out across a variety of fictional countries, continents, and even dimensions.

Runeterra as we know it today wasn’t always like this, however; in 2015 Riot Games opted to effectively reboot the lore of their world to be rid of the more restrictive plot elements like Summoners and the Institute of War to allow themselves more wriggle room to tell the stories they wanted to tell. While the decision to effectively make League of Legends non-canon to its own story was initially controversial, the writers of Riot Games have effectively proven themselves extraordinarily capable of using this newfound freedom to its full potential… For the most part.

With a retconned world came the need to retcon characters; Riot has made a substantial effort in the last few years to reimagine and redefine the backstories of the iconic Champions to make them fit into the new narrative, albeit with mixed results. Let’s face it: no writer is perfect and hindsight is 20/20, so a number of characters throughout the years have been left with less-than-stellar backstories compared to most of the roster.

Welcome to Runeterra Retcons, a series in which I’ll be analyzing some of the more controversial champion bios in the game to pick apart the good, the bad, and the horribly missed opportunities. With all that out of the way, let’s begin, shall we?

Episode 1: Thresh

Thresh is at once both an interesting and a bland character. He’s arguably one of the more iconic characters in the game, to the point where he’s practically become the unofficial mascot for the Shadow Isles. In-spite of this, I’ve long felt that Thresh is one of the most awkward fits into the region; before we can discuss the problems with his current lore, however, we first need to address Thresh’s backstory pre-retcon and see if we can analyze the core of his character.

Insert original lore here

So, we can see the concept behind Thresh’s character pretty easily: he’s a jailor who loves tormenting his charges, so much so that he continues to do so even after death. If you were to describe Thresh in a single word, it would probably be “sadistic.” Unfortunately, the original lore doesn’t give a lot beyond that; not where he’s from, not when he died, not even where his prison was located. The bio itself literally says that no one knows the details, and while that does add a faint air of mystery to the character, it doesn’t do much to tie him into the faction he’s supposed to represent: The Shadow Isles.

With that out of the way, let’s now take a look at Thresh’s new bio and see how Riot decided to change him after the retcon.

Insert new lore here

Alright, so, there’s a lot to unpack here. Perhaps the most notable change is that Thresh went from tormenting people to… Tormenting “living relics.” The relics are offered no further explanation in the lore or given any prior context. There’s just… A mirror with a soul in it. There’s a sentient book hidden down in the vaults. For some reason, the monks of the Isles even decided to stash a living person down there because he infused his body with raw magic. Why? Who was this person? What did he do to end up in chains? If this was a dangerous mage, wouldn’t it be better to build a proper prison for him rather than stuff him in a vault full of powerful, dangerous artifacts?

There are so many mysteries here, but perhaps biggest one is this: why was Thresh changed from a warden of people to a warden of relics? Why did they feel the need to turn him from a jailor who enjoyed tormenting his inmates to a curator that was slowly corrupted by the very magics meant to help him do his job? Well, I believe that’s meant to tie into the change made to the Shadow Isles themselves, or rather, the Blessed Isles.

While we never had much info on what the Isles were like before becoming an undead haven, a lot of the lore suggests that they were effectively a paradise, hence the name “Blessed Isles.” This was a place without war, without starvation, without corruption. Naturally, there would be no criminals in paradise, and so this of course means that to make Thresh a warden of things that are inhuman… At least, this is the thought process one might have until they introduce the mysterious regenerating mage, but I guess he’s meant to be one bad egg amidst the crowd, assuming he even came from the Isles at all. Again, it’s never really elaborated on.

So, while the change does make a degree of sense, it kind of feels… Flat. I mean, a guy who enjoys tormenting prisoners in their cells to hear their screams sounds a lot more terrifying than a guy who just stops his sentences halfway through to spite a book. Also, the fact that his lantern just becomes a seemingly endless vessel for souls because of the Ruination is a little silly; like, I know the Black Mist does all sorts of nonsensical things to matter, but the fact that an ordinary lantern gets turned into a relic arguably far more dangerous than anything Thresh was ever guarding seems kind of backwards, at least in my opinion.

So, how can we change this? How would I, personally, retcon Thresh if given the chance? Well, there are a lot of base elements that I would keep, but also some key components I’d like to alter. I’ve written up a short bio of my own for you all to enjoy, so without further ado…

In an age all but forgotten to history, there existed a realm known as the Blessed Isles. Hidden away from the world by a veil of magical mist, the Isles were a place of peace and prosperity; a land free of war, corruption, plague and misery. This paradise was ruled by an order of sacred monks devoted to learning and enlightenment. It was within this paradise that Thresh was born and raised by a pair of humble farmers, growing up surrounded by nature’s bounty.

Though expected that he might follow in his fathers’ footsteps, Thresh showed an aptitude for learning from an early age. In-particular, Thresh seemed fascinated with matters of philosophy; the nature of the soul, morality, and other complex subjects were frequent on the boy’s mind. This attitude quickly earned Thresh the attention of the brotherhood, who invited him to join their order as soon as he was of age. Thresh agreed without hesitation, leaving the farm behind to study at the Isles’ monastery.

For many years, Thresh studied under the tutelage of the order, distinguishing himself from his peers for his ability to grasp complex philosophical issues. Though acknowledged by his teachers, Thresh was met with looks of envy and scorn from his fellow students; rather than let himself be disheartened, however, Thresh instead took an interest in the root of their envy in scorn. Upon approaching his elders with such questions, Thresh found himself being led to a secret chamber deep beneath the monastery, guarded by powerful wards and runes. It was here that Thresh learned the truth of the Blessed Isles.

Thresh watched as one of his fellow pupils stood surrounded by figured in ominous robes, chanting an ominous spell in unison. Thresh’s teacher explained to him that this was ritual had been used by the order for ages to ensure that the Isles flourished. Evil was present in all humans, and so the only way to ensure it did not corrupt their paradise was to extract it from the soul, and seal it away. As the ritual drew to a close, Thresh saw the essence of all the other student’s hatred, envy, malice and warped desire ripped from his body, and placed into a special lantern made to contain it.

Thresh was intrigued. He approached the lantern without hesitation as the other boy was escorted from the chamber, and to his surprise, he heard voice whispering to him from within. The monks explained that though the evils of humanity could be removed, they could not be truly discarded. They needed to be contained, and more than that, they needed a warden to watch over them. Thresh volunteered in a heartbeat, and the monks smiled, pleased by their pupils’ devotion.

What they did not know, however, was that the whispers in Thresh’s mind had already begun taken root. From that day forward, Thresh vigilantly stood guard over the lantern, watching each successive cleansing as it took place. Each time, the wicked essence in the lantern grew stronger, as did the whispers in Thresh’s mind. He began to dream of enacting twisted torments upon the monks, the other disciples, and even his own parents. Slowly but surely, the brotherhood noticed a change in Thresh’s behavior. Fearing that he himself would be subjected to their cleansing rite, Thresh stole the lantern and fled the monastery.

The monks chased Thresh for days, but their search was brought to an abrupt end when strange ships arrived on the Blessed Isles: something Thresh thought impossible. From the safety of the cliffs, Thresh watched in delight as a soldiers led by a foreign king massacred his fellow monks. Their screams were music to the warden’s ears, and as the chaos spread, Thresh found himself reveling in the suffering of all who fell to the foreigners’ blades. Even at the cost of his own life, Thresh dared to move about the battlefield, searching for survivors left in the king’s wake only that he may snuff out the remnants of their lives himself.

Finally, as the screams of his victims began to subside, Thresh turned his attention to the heart of the Isles. From there, he saw a cloud of pure darkness rushing to meet him, and opened his arms wide to embrace it. In that moment, all the wickedness trapped within Thresh’s lantern was freed, bound to his soul through the power of the Ruination. Thresh emerged a being of pure maliciousness, and his lantern, now empty, would serve as the perfect vessel to enact his twisted fantasies.

Thresh now roams Runeterra as an avatar of sadism, bringing pain and misery to all unfortunate enough to cross his path. He stalks his victims and torments them by slowly stripping them of their sanity, before finally prying their souls from their bodies with his wicked sickle. If you hear the sound of chains in the dead of night, run… Though it may already be far too late.

So, what did you think? Now, it’s at this point I feel I need to clarify something: I’m not trying to bash on Riot’s creative team, nor am I saying that I can definitely make a better version of someone else’s character. Hell, I’m not even really saying that my version of the story is flawless; it would probably need to go through several more rewrites before I’d ever consider publishing it as canon, not that I have the power to do so, of course.

Rather, I wanted to take a closer look at Thresh’s character and how well his current lore represents him. I said earlier that Thresh is at once and interesting and a bland character. I consider him a little bland because you can sum him up in a single word: “sadistic.” He has no goals and no motivation other than to cause pain and suffering. Even the other undead of the Shadow Isles typically have some kind of agenda, even if it’s only to spread the Black Mist’s influence. Thresh doesn’t care about that; he just wants to see you writhe in agony, both before and after death. I’d argue he has more in common in with League’s demons than the other specters of the Isles, but it’s BECAUSE Thresh is undead that he has so much potential for an interesting backstory.

The main points I wanted to emphasize in my rewrite are: expanding on the magics that corrupted Thresh into being so sadistic, giving his lantern some greater significance in the story, and replacing the vault full of otherwise pointless macguffins with something a little more sinister that gives the Blessed Isles a hint of dichotomy. Riot loves adding a little morally grey to all their characters and factions, after-all.

Anyways, what do you all think? Could Thresh’s lore be improved, or do you all like his story the way in currently is? Lemme know down below, and I’ll see you all next time!

[passionate-reply]

What would Great Albums be, if not for defenses of albums lots of people hate? SPK’s Machine Age Voodoo is, of course, one of those albums, being the attempt of a noisy, drony early industrial group to make synthy disco magic. Did they succeed? Well, maybe not--but at least it’s interesting. Find out more by watching the video, or checking out the transcript under the break!

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums! This time, I will be once again be coming to the defence of an album that’s been very divisive: Machine Age Voodoo by SPK, first released in 1984. Earlier in the 1980s, SPK had distinguished themselves as one of the most prominent figures of the nascent “noise music” movement, alongside acts like NON and Throbbing Gristle. Just two years before Machine Age Voodoo, they released their arguable magnum opus: Leichenschrei, an album that eschewed a traditional tracklisting, featured the mutilated visage of a victim of napalm burns on its cover, and sounded something like this:

Music: “Seite ((Klono))” / “Napalm (Terminal Patient)”

With their follow-up to Leichenschrei, SPK would take their sound in a very different direction. They abandoned the harsh, buzzing textures and nauseous, whirring drones of their earlier work, and set out in a remarkably more pop direction. While Machine Age Voodoo features verses and choruses, brighter synth textures, and winsome slap basslines, it still maintains a certain “industrial” identity, tying it into the same overarching web of related styles that SPK’s earlier work fell under. This album reminds me a bit of Depeche Mode’s mid-80s output, such as Some Great Reward, in its incorporation of both synth-pop structures as well as some accents of mechanistic clangs and bangs. Depeche Mode and SPK were, of course, passing by one another after coming from opposite directions on this spectrum, but the end results remain comparable.

Music: “Junk Funk” / “Machine Age Voodoo”

Listening to the album’s stomping opener, titled “Junk Funk” on most releases but made into the title track for the US market, I’m struck by just how upbeat of a track it is. Where many industrial acts are keen to portray modern labour as a punishing, soul-sucking, miserable endeavour, “Junk Funk” seems to make it into something of a party. Given that even Depeche Mode were penning tracks like “Everything Counts” with a dour outlook on capitalism, the seemingly playful aura surrounding this single really sets it apart--though not necessarily in a good way. As I mentioned earlier, *Machine Age Voodoo* has consistently been panned by fans of the group’s more aggressive earlier work, and I think the album’s affinities with light-hearted, and perhaps even silly, post-disco pop make it all the more easy to write off as ridiculous and asinine. But much like simply being in a style you don’t care for isn’t a reason to lambaste a work of art, simply being lighter in tone is no reason to reject something. Not all great art needs to be stone-serious, after all! While Machine Age Voodoo may not be a continuation of the classic SPK sound, I think it’s an album that has plenty of appeal for fans of lighter synth-pop, and one that I wish had managed to achieve a bit more renown among those who might be a bit more receptive to its style.

Naturally, the title of the album and the themes of its sometime title track invite us to consider the role that appropriation of “primitive” themes has to play. Ever since industrialization and colonialism began to create large separations between the lifestyles of “the West and the rest,” Western artists from Picasso to Gauguin have found themselves fascinated by so-called “primitive” ways of life, found among communities of colour whom they believed to live closer to the natural or archaic state of humankind, uncorrupted by capitalism. But followers of the religion sometimes known as “Voodoo” are living in the modern world as much as anyone else is, and the use of their faith as a symbol of barbarism or the unrestrained id here is presumptuous at best, and bigoted at worst--particularly given the reference to “funk,” a music style that, like Voodoo, is strongly associated with Black culture. The love for things “primitive” has served an important cultural role in the West, offering an apparent alternative to the crushing death spiral of capitalism, and serving as an outlet for questioning the assumed status quo and the truth of human nature--but at the same time, I think we can fairly criticize it for offering a stereotyped and tokenized view of cultures outside of the West. Machine Age Voodoo offers another, very different, perspective on the Other on its second track, “With Love From China.”

Music: “With Love From China”

Compared to “Junk Funk,” “With Love From China” is distinguished as one of the album’s more plaintive and less dancefloor-oriented tracks, and, in contrast to “Junk Funk”’s joyful embrace of “high technology hoodoo,” “With Love From China” portrays the titular Communist power as something quite sinister. While a simple read of the lyrics suggests that it may be a triumphant hymn to the state, the track’s plodding, dirgelike melody makes it hang like an ominous cloud instead. Arguably the most successful state to be built upon Marxist ideals, China is a prominent feature of lots of early 80s synth-pop, where it and other Communist states saw varying portrayals as anywhere from dystopian to utopian. Like the appropriation of “voodoo” earlier, the dread romanticism applied to China by SPK on this track says more about them than it does about China itself. I think both tracks, taken together, paint a picture of a sort of “anywhere but here” ideology, defined less by any strong feelings for these particular cultures, and more by a desire for an escape to the exotic, and an abandonment of all that is sick about the West. Overall, though, “With Love From China” isn’t necessarily a fair representation of the average track on Machine Age Voodoo, as the album consists mostly of higher-energy tracks, like “Metal Dance.”

Music: “Metal Dance”

Perhaps the track most clearly aimed at nightclub rotation, “Metal Dance” feels like a logical choice for the album’s first single. Less of a pop tune and more of a floorfiller, “Metal Dance” still hums with industrial touches, propelled by clunking metallic percussion and chant-like shouts that prefigure the synthesis of machine music and club fare that EBM acts like Nitzer Ebb would achieve later in the 1980s. With its succinct title and a compelling hook that implores us to “synthesize our dreams away,” “Metal Dance” almost feels like a love letter to the sheer concept of electronic music for dancing to--a consummate paean to the discotheque, even if it comes from what may seem like an unlikely, and perhaps dishonest, source. A similar embrace of dance music qua dance music is found on “High Tension.”

Music: “High Tension”

If “Metal Dance” sounds like a preview of later industrial dance genres like EBM, then “High Tension” feels like a throwback to the first attempts to “synthesize” an electronic disco, with its dense, complex production style, prominent bass, and lyrics that promote “danc[ing] ‘til you drop” as a response to “bad times.” Despite its compelling use of a well-textured vocoder, “High Tension” veers away from the worship of the machine that was central to “Metal Dance,” and its straightforward celebration of dancing itself makes it feel like the most likely genuine crossover hit on the album--not that it really had any. It’s also worth noting that the track’s bridge contains an early reference to “hip-hop,” back when artists like Man Parrish were freely using the term to describe club-friendly electro that didn’t necessarily include rapping. Times have changed, of course, but I think “High Tension” fits right in with other works in that style--even if, again, it comes from a group that nobody would have expected to make music like this!

On the cover of Machine Age Voodoo, we see a fantasy cityscape, defined by a massive tower crowned with the band’s name accompanied by a Communist-inspired red star. It’s as firmly removed from the vile and shocking imagery of Leichenschrei as the music contained within. But, just as the music has retained some degree of industrial sentiments, the cover is not without its own sense of subversion--it is, after all, apparently enshrining the ostensibly dangerous, foreign ideology of Communism!

It’s tempting to compare this image to the futuristic imagery of Fritz Lang’s classic silent film, Metropolis, particularly given that there’s also a track on the album that shares that title. But I think that the visual style employed here, with its blocky, cubistic rendering of form and lively use of diagonals to enrich its composition, is perhaps more reminiscent of the work of the Russian avant-garde of the 1910s. Even before the Russian Revolution, pioneering abstract artists, like the “Rayonist” Natalia Goncharova, were looking towards the exciting potential of the future, and making art that celebrated the beauty of machines in motion. The early abstraction of painters like Goncharova would go on to influence the abstract art associated with the early days of the Soviet Union, which makes it a particularly fitting affinity given the themes of Machine Age Voodoo.

After Machine Age Voodoo, SPK never returned to making more melodic music--perhaps unsurprisingly, given the album’s simultaneous failure to achieve crossover success, or retain the interest of their existing fanbase. They returned in 1986 with Zamia Lehmanni: Songs of Byzantine Flowers, an album of dark ambient music that avoided slavishly copying earlier works like Leichenschrei, while still feeling like a worthy continuation of the spirit in which they had begun their career.

Music: “Invocation to Secular Heresies”

My favourite track on Machine Age Voodoo is “Seduction,” which is easy to overlook as it actually only appeared on the US release of the album. “Seduction” is striking for its blatant, wantonly sexual lyricism, which, when combined with SPK vocalist Sinan Leong’s competently sultry vocal style, recalls the best work of the experimental disco outfit Gina X Performance. And much like Gina X Performance, there’s a bit of subversively queer gender-bending to be had here, as a male backing vocalist repeats Leong’s line, “you call yourself a man?” I think that may be unintentional, a sort of happy accident, but I love it nonetheless. That’s all I have for today--thanks for listening!

Music: “Seduction”

[for-dramas-sake]

My Favorite 2020 Dramas plus a few Honorable Mentions

In no particular order...

To Love

It’s not over yet, but already this is one of my favorites of modern Chinese dramas. The writing alone makes the story excellent in that it keeps you on your toes in every episode and keeps you engaged with the characters. Told from the two main leads’ POVs, it is a story of an undercover cop and a café owner who fall in love in the middle of his mission of a drug bust. It is a tale weaved from hard choices, complicated characters, and seemingly real life characters. It’s also a beautiful drama: full of color, excellent cinematography and lovely music.

I highly recommend it for anyone who wants to try out a underrated mature drama. I say mature for content (mainly for violence and drugs) as well for structure. This is NOT a bubbly, good-spirted drama. There is angst, pain, and conflict.

Qing Qing Zi Jin

I’m going to say it and mean it: My favorite drama of the year! I love it and have claimed the main leads to be “my babies” forever! The story is set in the Tang Dynasty of a mountain gang leader who comes to the capitol city to study at school not only to solve the mystery of ten years prior but to gain notoriety and fame. And let’s not forgot the love his life, a super strong (I mean that literally) girl who is a little shy at first, but then gains some backbone to go with those strong arms of hers. 

It’s sweet, charming and lovely. And while that might sounds more like the perfect date, it’s not. There is plenty of drama infused: a jealous older sister, a cruel stepmother, a scheming royal, the truth of the FL’s mother, the secret of the ML’s true identity, as well as so much more.

I love every single episode and which it had ten more than its 40 episodes. 

You Complete Me

Another modern drama that is so underrated! This is less violent and emotionally complicated as To Love, but it does pack a wallop of feelings. It’s another revenge story (third one in a row, I might have a preference for these kind of dramas). The male lead wants to take down the rich businessman who was the cause of his father’s demise but on the way he falls in love with the man’s daughter. 

It’s the most life-like drama so far on this list in that it’s very business-minded. There are quite a few scenes just discussing business tactics, money transactions, and meeting scenarios which all fly over my head. I can see that is a turn off for a lot of people, but believe me that it’s not all numbers and figures! There is a lot of story behind the suits and briefcases. The female lead is my favorite of the year: she’s a total badass who wants to earn her own way and won’t let anyone help or hinder her. She’s fantastic. If anything, watch the show just for her.

Note: I’m a sucker for the trope “I Did _(insert revenge act here)__ But Then I Fell in Love with You”. It’s the whole Good Girl and Bad Guy trope, and I love it so. The ML isn’t 100% bad, per say, but he does not have good intentions towards his enemy. 

The Journey Across the Night

Yet another modern drama! This one is full of mystery, intrigue, and darkness (more so than To Love). Unlike the other dramas, this one is not about revenge. But Like QQZJ, The ML is searching for truth as well as going to school. He is studying psychiatry under this creepy professor and hunting for answers. His mother and older brother both were diagnosed with schizophrenia when they turned 24 and he searches to learn how to prevent his own eventual dissent into madness.

This is a psychological, thriller drama but it’s not as scary as you might think. It’s pretty tame as horror dramas can go, but there are several creepy scenes and a few sketchy characters. The ML is a nice guy (do they exist anymore?) who doesn’t believe ghosts, but he manages to get pulled into a new mystery along with his friends a lot. The FL is a bubbly, loud girl who takes an instant liking to the boy. She confesses to him quite a lot over the show and it’s quite cute to see him blush.

This drama does not have a story flow (other than the ML and his quest). It is developed by the several mysteries the ML and his friends solve which is very interesting. Every mystery impacts one of characters differently which gives more insight into them as well their interaction with each other. Friendship is a major theme in this show. It’s thrilling ride with plenty of mystery, but bring your tissues! 

Oh! My Sweet Liar!

What an adorable costume drama also set in the Tang Dynasty. This is a family grounded story set around the rich and powerful Li family. The FL is a painter who infiltrates the Li Mansion to paint “the four arhats” for money. She encounters the eldest son who doesn’t trust her from the start. But things take an interesting turn when she suddenly announces that she’s pregnant with his baby! 

It’s a comical, fun ride that is lead by a sweet couple as well as the second lead couple who are childish but also adorable. It’s the least dramatic of the dramas listed so far with its ML falling in love rather quickly with the FL and a powerful family that’s not quite as domineering as imagined. But it’s a sweet story.

Need a pick-me-up? I recommend this one. 

Under the Power

Crime fighting in the Ming Dynasty!  It follows the trope of silly, but headstrong FL and the brooding loner ML. The girl is member of the local constabulary and she wants to fight against all injustice. The boy, a member of a special government enforcement team, endures her until he falls in love with her (wink wink). 

The story follows the female constable and the government official teaming up to solve the case of the Disappearing Government Funds (play mysterious music here). They encounter multiple crime cases, battle different evil forces, even dip their toes into almost magical scenarios along the way. And they fall in love, of course.

It has its charm in the main couple’s cat and mouse interactions and slow burn love story. She comes from a poor background and he comes from the a government official lineage. They are night and day, but they click in a delightful way. Plus, there’s a ton of cool fighting scenes and a few likeable side characters too.

Eternal Love of Dream (aka the Pillow Book)

A fantastic follow up to the much-loved Ten Miles of Peach Blossoms with an appropriate story for everyone’s favorite minxy fox and the immortal who came from a rock. I love this story mainly because it gives depth to the shallow as a kiddie pool Feng Jiu from Ten Miles (I’m sorry, but she was not a favorite). She was such a crier that you needed an umbrella for a lot of her scenes. And Dong Hua was there too.

But then you actually see them have character and story and drama and a love story! And the chemistry is *chef’s kiss*. This drama is near perfection for its all mentioned previously except for a few minor things like it drags in some parts, a few side characters are boring (or the actors were switched from Ten Miles so I don’t quite care so much) and then it gets kind confusing in some parts.

Overall, a great fantasy drama with a well deserved ending. 

...and now for a few honorable mentions!

Twisted Fate of Love

I’m on episode 11 so far and not quite fallen hard for it yet. I love Feng Xi (the scheming!!!) and all his questionable choices both to get Dong Yue and to get a promotion. But I don’t like Dong Yue much. She’s a weird mix of innocence and fighting spirit that I just don’t buy just yet. I will keep watching for their eventually love story.

The Heiress

The scheming! The secrecy! The playacting! The love story! I like it all, but it’s just not enough to get on my favorites list. I did say previously it as my favorite girl-disguised-as-a-guy drama, but it’s not my FAVORITE drama this year. Still very enjoyable!

General’s Lady

A surprisingly fun drama with a cute couple! I’m about 16 episodes in and would like to finish it one day. I do like how the couple is married very soon and have to work on building their relationship over the courses of the show. It’s refreshing from other shows that have the reverse.

Dating in the Kitchen

Cute, cute drama! I probably would have put this on my favorites list but I haven’t finished it yet (I’m so behind in a lot of dramas). It touches on the older man/ younger woman genre, which is so rare is chinese dramas. And it’s done well. Not cringe-inducing because the two leads have beautiful chemistry. And there’s lots of food.

And that’s my list! I hope this inspires some of you to watch some very good dramas as well as stretch outside your comfort zone. I know I went out of my usual bounds of historical dramas and fell in love with some amazing modern dramas. Here’s hoping 2021 will bring lots of fun dramas for us to discover!

[alistonjdrake]

June’s World Building Cheat Sheet: Part One - Where You’re Going & Where You’re From

*It was really more like 4 years but that doesn’t sound as catchy in a title.  Heyo. It’s me. June. Some of you expressed interest in me talking about how I world build. I just want to preface that this will be less a “how-to” and more “this is just what works for me.” Don’t take my word for gospel. I’m not an expert and I don’t think I have any secret skills but I’ll be going through the steps I take to not only build the world I set my stories in but to make them feel lived in. 

My biggest pet peeve with some world building tips is it goes into things that either don’t affect daily life or tells writers to ignore them. Like, of course, don’t insert what building materials are popular in a particular kingdom for three paragraphs and distract from the story. And you probably don’t need to research medieval building techniques either. But even if certain things never make it into the story, it influences the world your characters live in. It influences the experiences they’ve had and leaks down into other parts of life. Knowing these things, even if it’s never explicitly said helps make the world feel full and more realized. But we’ll get into the finer details of that in a later part. I want to start backwards and work my way up so this round we’ll start with things that almost certainly probably won’t have a large impact in your plot. Because I love to suffer! This will likely be obvious to a lot of you but let’s get into it. 

Your Characters Live in the Present

Maybe not literally. I write low fantasy settings that are reimaginings of the past. Of Rust and Gold/ The Saints’ Song series takes place in late 18th century inspired world. A lot of what I read and research when I’m looking for inspiration I draw directly from history and it seems silly to mention but it’s important to note that history does not exist for my characters. Nor does the future. At the beginning of ORG, Argus lives in the year 1782. I know what’s gonna happen months from the first day. He doesn’t. He doesn’t know what 1783 looks like any more than I know what 2021 will be like. I like for characters to believe that they’re living in the modern age. Because they are. Unless they’re time travelers or can see the future, for them this is as modern as it’s currently gonna get. It’s important to talk and ground a setting as if it’s modern to them and not something written through the lens of a 21st-century writer looking back on vaguely historical details. But more than that. The point here is that modern worlds have history and history matters. 

Give Your World a Past

It’s not always plot-important but for a world not to feel sparkling and new or frozen in time when readers grace the first page a world should be touched. And even if it’s not super crucial to the plot, it’ll influence the characters and lives. (Like I mentioned above.)

In my own series, one of the recent historical events is the downfall of the Republic of Abenland. An instance where lower-class citizens of Abenland pushed out ruling dukes, built a new government, and were later invaded and turned to anarchy until it’s taken over by an imperial power. That’s a whole long, lengthy story on its own. I think it’s mentioned briefly twice because it’s not crucial, but one of the main characters was born when the republic was still in power and raised partially during the anarchy and the take-over. This has a strong impact on the way he sees the world, what he thinks about certain people and laws, and his beliefs. Even if not explicitly said or a crucial plot element. 

Historical factors and knowing even big past events that might not have any *strong* hold on what your characters are doing every day will at least still add bits that make things seem more realized than they might me. Like how in ORG, Escan, Nava, and Tadrus all used to be one country, broke apart, and then recently united under one flag again. People from Nava and Tadrus still call themselves Navanese of Tadrune before they ever claim to be from Escan first though, even if they’re all under the same flag and monarch. It’s the history of being a separate state that they still respect in conversation and it’s a small element that adds something to each character who this would be relevant to. And it’s also just an easy way to make it seem like these places and attitudes have been around for longer than the seconds it took me to come up with them.

I’ll also be saying this in literally every part of this, but also your world’s history should not just be black and white. Which is to say, just go up to one of those dudes who’s way too into World War Two and talk to him for more than five minutes and understand we all have very different understandings of the past. Who a character is, where they’re from, how they grew up, will influence how they see their nation’s or a world’s history and how it makes them relate to other people. The Republic of Abenland is remembered very differently by the dukes (who survived) than anyone who would have been part of the rebellions or grew up under it. The Republic of Abenland isn’t thought of at all in Escan because they had nothing to do with it. Just like people outside of Escan do not care that there’s a slight distinction between being Navanese, Tadrune, or Escana. Just like I can’t tell word for word the history of a nation I’ve never heard of (I couldn’t think of anything to name because honestly? I read a lot of history books purposefully from countries I’m not from) most of your characters shouldn’t walk around with textbook knowledge about obscure history that might not be important to their own society and culture. Or interests. 

To Cut the Fat

Give the world your story takes place in a history/past. If it’s never brought up in the story it might still influence the factors within it and how certain characters might see each other or what version of historical fact they believe or understand. Having a history exist even if it never graces the page at least makes a setting feel like it’s existed longer than the first page of chapter one. 

Keep watch for part two where I’ll be diving into creating cultures and languages that aren’t monoliths. 

Tagging some people who seemed interested in my rambles: @asablehart @space-cadead @mirror-of-too-many-books​ @shattered-starrs​  

[luasworkshop]

Magical Skills: Prior to their death, Lua had a certain amount of… overconfidence. Everything they did came easily, and if it didn’t – they didn’t spend time on it. This meant that while they were (and are) quite gifted in many arenas, they didn’t necessarily hone their skills into something masterful. Death, both tempering their courage and heightening their focus, seems to have caused them to settle more on what they are best at. Lua excels primarily at two things – shape-shifting themselves (a skill they have had throughout their life), and imbuing mechanical objects with spells and other cleverness (something they have been interested in a long time, but that they are more recent at trying to perfect). They also have a natural affinity for the ocean. In contrast to canon, even before they have their memory back, Lua does not refer to themselves as Asra’s apprentice (their memory may be dodgy but it’s still a weird power imbalance. Aleis is the same.)

Shape-Shifting: After their skills fully return and develop following their reincarnation (sometime after the main events of the story), Lua is able to take on the shape of just about anything. They are capable of taking on any animal form, appear as other individuals, make themselves appear as inanimate objects, and so on. In the form of animals, they have all of their natural skills and abilities – flight, speed, gills, etc. and are able to use them to their full extent. The upper and lower limits of their size seemed to be determined by life living on the planet (as their upper limit seems to be about that of a blue whale, and lower limit being about a bacteria). In order to facilitate this change, their mass is either borrowed or lent to some arcane realm, specifically designed for this physical change. Lua finds shape-shifting innate and easy, so the exact mechanisms of this are not totally clear, but they are always attempting to better understand them. It does seem that changes in excess of approximately 200lbs are quite taxing physically and magically (and can only be maintained a short while – and usually require significant time to recover from). Unlike Aelis, they are unable to split their consciousness into multiple forms or become semi or fully incorporeal. They also tend to fully shift into things (even if it’s something fantastic) rather than just giving themselves piecemeal aspects (although they can, they find it easier to just go all-out – there are some exceptions to this). Lua also uses their shape shifting to better understand various animals, their biology, environment, and how the world around them works. Despite Lua’s overthinking (perhaps because of that awareness) they always have a clear sense of their own self which assures they are not lost in shape-shifting. They are able to return to their comfortable human form no matter what shape they take, as they are confident in their own body in this regard.

Other Shape-Shifting Ephemera:

- Lua’s shifts are very quick, generally less than a second. There’s body horror and uncanny valley stuff in there but it’s usually too quick for the human eye to catch. Usually. Lua can deliberately slow the process if desired but it may prove uncomfortable.

- Allowing themselves to breathe underwater is so innate to them they don’t even slightly think about it anymore.

- They use shape shifting to keep from getting drunk if they don’t want to (this requires conscious effort and they don’t always do it in a timely manner). They can use it to other metabolic effect as well.

- They can embrace the abilities and instincts of other creatures without loosing their own mind. (This would be much harder if not.)

- They don’t necessarily tend to have a ‘set’ form of any given animal – they can be whatever they’d like. They tend to be a specific species example when animal shaped (being, for example, Epicrates cenchria the ‘rainbow boa’ rather than just ‘a snake’ or ‘a boa’), and if they’re not feeling obtuse or deliberately trying to blend in they’ll be a color morph that feels recognizable as them (earthy toned or blue-black furred with some white flecks, medium/large sized, somewhat lank, gold eyes, etc.)

- They have a rather encyclopedic knowledge of animals, furthered by curiosity, travel, and study.

- They are not particularly able to use shape-shifing to heal themselves – they can use it to prevent injury in the first place if they can catch or react to something in the first place (shifting around blunt force or strengthening the area where the blow might be) – but the amount of energy needed to use this ability to rapidly heal makes it a moot point. Wounds shift with shifting, scaling appropriately. More injury makes it harder to shift (owing to pain and exhaustion).

- Getting sick is similar – if they catch a cold early enough they might be able to forestall it by running it through a different immune system, but if they’re in the midst of the flu they can’t really shift much anyway, it’s too taxing and hard with a gooey head.

- They generally can’t take their clothes with them, needing to remove them so they’re not damaged if they’re going to get a lot larger. (There’s an internal pocket based workaround but they can do but don’t like to use it as it’s distracting). There’s probably a way to shunt clothes off to another arcane realm and summon them back in a tidy fashion but they’ve not yet figured that out.

- They can mimic clothes and other trappings with their own body but it takes focus. It also leaves them vulnerable to cold and sun. This is great for espionage, party tricks, and not much else.

- They tend to keep their earrings in in casual situations if it works with the form (short of it being too small it usually does).

- They don’t shape-shift in their sleep, which would be on par with very dramatic cases of somnambulism. They might have little rivulets of color, fur, feathers, scales, etc. move across parts of their skin now and again if they’re having a really dramatically weird dream (much more akin to sleep-talking).

- Their shape-shifting is kindof ‘sticky’, if they fall asleep as something they’ll tend to stay that way until they wake up and consciously change back (although another magician could force them out of it, depending on the situation).

As mentioned – their mass relates to an arcane/magical relationship. This is the same for their ‘library’ of forms. Lua is well traveled and very knowledgeable, but they are still able to shape shift into animals (and other things) they are not immediately familiar with (with enough description or information) by accessing through an internal, magical connection, an inter-dimensional arcane library of information. This is, again, not well understood and comes naturally to them – but relates to how they (and Aleis, and other shifters) are able to take on various forms without breaking themselves or reality. This is not a ‘curated’ or human-created thing – more of a 4th dimensional log of information that is accessed through magical means at blisteringly fast speed. Lua’s ability to access and reference this information is so internalized they themselves would not be able to explain it well (it would likely take some magical scholar who understands very high end physics).

Artifacts: Lua has a mind for clockwork and other mechanical contrivances and skill at imbuing these with spells and other magical effects. The work they produce stands on its own as fully functioning once it’s complete, and has fascinating abilities because of it’s magical nature. If one were to consider Lua in the modern era – they would be respected as some sort of robotics engineer. As it is, they create work which tends to be beautiful, esoteric, and serve some sort of strange function. Lua’s primary income stream is from private commissions on this work – it is complex and time consuming to produce and their rates are high (Nadia is a repeat customer these days). The practical work they produce include things like astrolabes that can project an entire moving star map, lockpicks that reveal what is happening inside the lock, automota which can serve as two-way communication devices, and so on. The more artistic work they produce can be more delightfully frivolous – a hand organ that that plays in colors, jewelry that can turn into a little creature and run around, music boxes that change their melody based on mood, and on. Combining their skills with their spouse’s skills with miniatures has made for some decidedly fascinating and weird results. Because of all of this – Lua is an impeccable draftsman, and is generally seen with a shoulder bag full of drawings and drawing equipment (they do not usually bring their pieces to work on when traveling/visiting unless they know they will have a works space where they set things up and leave them undisturbed, however they will gladly plan out future projects and refine ideas wherever they can set down a piece of paper – and draw silly or entertaining things at times).

Lua is also adept at repairing non-magical clocks, music boxes, and other automata only using magic as a means to assist (rather than permanently repair) the object (such as magnification, steadying their hand, creating light, etc.) They tend to take on fewer of these projects as they prefer to imbue or work with items which are magical in nature. They are not an all-purpose expert (as some automata, even non-magical, are incredibly involved), but they can certainly get a pocket watch going again with no trouble.

Their work never really mimics modern technology – these are esoteric, magical items, not ‘fantasy cell phones.’ They do sometimes demonstrate what may seem like anachronisms (precise knowledge of astronomy, chemistry, physics, etc.) but these are things based on Lua’s studies, travels, and personal experience and a dash of magic.

Combat Magic: Weapon-wise, when pushed, Lua favors what is functionally a compound bow, which is more sympathetic to their magic than a recurve, when dealing with long-distance armed combat or hunting. (This is highly anachronistic but so is the piano that Nadia plays.) Lua is not adept at hand-to-hand combat (they are not particularly trained at this apart from very basic blocks and holds from Aelis) and they prefer to use their shape-shifting to fight. They are incredibly clever and dangerous when it comes to fighting this way, able to shift quickly, and utilize the abilities of various creatures to their advantage (speed, strength, armor, venom, etc). A shape-shifter battle is very exciting to watch. They have a similar approach to hunting, as for them much easier to be a predatory fish or bird than hook up a line and reel (though they don’t care to eat their catch raw unless it is particularly delicious to the human palate).

Divination: Lua is passable at divination, but doesn't generally like to do it. They rather fundamentally object to asking others what is ahead of them (as they prefer to take charge of themselves), and when it comes to reading for others their heart generally isn’t in it. They don’t object to the arcana themselves – they find them fascinating and an incredible resource, but so far as Lua is concerned they have better things to do with their time than deal with fussy mortals. Aleis and Lua have turned to it as an income stream in tough times, but it only has made Lua more resentful of it – that’s Asra’s business (they don’t really mind him doing it, he has a much better personality for it, both for chatting with the arcana and for dealing with customers). Aleis excels more at the ‘headology’ part of divination – giving people what they want to hear to feel better than Lua does, but Lua isn’t bad at it when pushed. Lua prefers wood/bone burning rather than tarot reading.

Other Magic: Lua and Aleis are still powerful magical generalists, and while mastery takes time and effort, basic functions tend to come easily. Still, magic that is sympathetic to their personality is the easiest to work with, and Lua tends to take to conjuration, summoning, and other ‘creation’ magic (whether it’s elemental lore, otherworldly entities, or simply starting a fire). If there are written instructions or known spells Lua can usually parse through them pretty quickly for at least passable results (not masterful or clever or elegant ones mind you – just workable). Antithetical to Lua’s nature is magic that involves control of other people - illusions, manipulation, teleportation, and similar effects are very difficult for them to get their head around. The same goes for magic meant to control or manipulate natural phenomena. This is why it takes Aleis’ help for them to help shape-shift other people. Fortunately Aleis and Lua’s magic compliments each other nicely, and where Lua struggles Aleis thrives and vice versa. Together their magic is incredibly strong and they are used to letting the flow of raw magic power go between each other to compliment their work.

Familiar: Lua is extremely obtuse when the matter is mentioned. Most people are not sure if they do or do not have one (in fact Julian and Lucio have an ongoing game of trying to figure out what it might be and bringing various animals to Lua to see if they ‘stick’ or ‘click’. Fortunately Lua likes animals. When it doesn’t work they get them off to wherever they belong – the sanctuary, a farm, back home, etc).

Retreat: Like Asra and Aleis, Lua has their own retreat. Their cozy log cabin is on a rather lush, generally uninhabited, crescent-shaped island off the cost of a northern rain forest, full of tall pine trees, sandy beaches, rocky outcroppings, and dramatic winter storms. They built this prior to their death, and have been happy to return to it – giving them peace away from other people (although they occasionally bring friends with them, the rule for all the magician’s retreats is that unless you are invited you should not show up unexpectedly). With a small footprint, their cabin is the only indication of habitation on the island. It has enough room for a bed, work table, fireplace, small kitchen, and a detached Japanese-style bath Lua has set up with magically running hot water. While there is suitable game on the island (and certainly a bounty in the sea) Lua generally prefers to stock up their larder with groceries whenever they visit.

Gate: Lua and Aleis share their magical gate. It is a beautiful but lonely, rocky island in a storm-tossed sea. It’s high basalt cliffs protect an inner forest sanctuary, who’s lakes and streams, bubbling up from deep underground, flow out through underground caverns and give secret access to and from the sea. There are creatures in the woods, some familiar and many not, they watch strangers with attentive glowing eyes. Despite the apparently small size of the island, it seems as though the woods go on without limit, unless they want to allow you to access the steep rock and precarious climbs of the protective rocky coast, or onward to wherever it is you are going.

[takaraphoenix]

Hey! What are your favorite fantasy/fairytale books, shows and movies?

Well, that is a very broad question. So... let’s structure this and tackle it.

Phoe’s Favorite Fantasy Books!

I don’t read much, so that’s a very short list. Seeing as you’re on my blog, I assume you know I read and loved Percy Jackson and the Olympians so that. However, there are fantasy series that I love way more than that.

For one the Wicked Years by Gregory Maguire, my favorite author who I adore and worship. Takes the Wicked Witch of the West from Wizard of Oz and goes “but what if she was actually a restistance fighter trying to overthrow a corrupt government under their dictator, the Wizard?”. It’s amazing, I love it. Hardest recommend for the first two books. Been not too big on the third and fourth though, but that’s what happens when these things aren’t born out of being intended as a series but rather just... sequels... happening.

Golden classic that seems silly to even mention but I love these books - Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. I. Love. Them. I love Alice, I love the world, I love the fantasy. One of only three books that I personally allow to classify as modern fairy tales (Peter Pan and Wizard of Oz being the other two. I just... I do think that there is a difference between “fairy tale” and just general “fantasy book(s)”, but these three I do think deserve a place in the canon of fairy tale classics). Also, fun fact: my above mentioned favorite author wrote a third installment for this series for the original book’s anniversary, it’s called After Alice. (I own a signed copy. I squealed very loudly when I opened it.)

My favorite fantasy book series though is the Bartimaeus series by Jonathan Stroud. I adore these books. Yes, if taken as a singular book, the first installment of the Wicked Years, which works as a standalone too due to the series’ nature of having sequels instead of being an intended series, takes the crown, however as a whole, coherent series, including all books in the series, no fantasy franchise beats Bartimaeus for me. It is sarcastic, snarky, fun, filled with heart, totally lacking unnecessary forced romance, has a fascinating world, the writing is a great read. I love this series to bits and pieces.

Now, since you specifically said fantasy/fairytale, I’d be a fool not to mention William Joyce’s Guardians of Childhood, the book-series that Rise of the Guardians is... let’s say a sequel to? While not necessarily fairy tales in the traditional sense, having the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Sandman and Santa as its main characters, it does go very much into fairy tale elements. It’s a really fun read, I personally think that Joyce has a delightful and enjoyable style.

So, that’d be the five book series that I’d recommend for fantasy.

Unless you meant actual literal fairy tale books - then I will have to disappoint you, unless you’re German. Because being German, my fairy tale collection is... well... German. I got this one. Mainly, I admit, for the illustrations - Tony Wolf worked on the majority of them and I love his illustrations, he was the author and illustrator of my favorite children’s book series when I was a kid. Which, talking about fantasy, fairy tales and books, I will absolutely also recommend here. Their English name is The Woodland Folk and it is very adorable and also very scaring for small children because fairies die in it. I was very traumatized as a kid but I still loved it a lot.

Phoe’s Favorite Fantasy Movies!

Now, movies are... it depends on what movies you want; live-action or animated. I do feel that those are vastly different categories that set vastly different expectations. And then there’s the overlapping between fantasy and supernatural in many such movies.

Let’s start with live-action, which is going to be a very short list because I am really not huge when it comes to movies - I barely watch any movies and if, then they are animated in 80% of the cases.

Lord of the Rings. Yes, I know, book-people would have filed that in the category above, but look... I am not a huge reader. And the movies have pretty blonde Orlando Bloom. But I do truly love these movies, I try to rewatch them regularly but consider I less see them as a trilogy and more as one 12 hour movie, it’s always quite the time-commitment.

And, with this one I am never quite sure whether to count it as a movie series or as a mini TV series, but the way they were released on TV, they were a movie series - so The 10th Kingdom, which is basically Once Upon a Time before that came out and without the Disney. It’s about the grandson of Snow White ending up in modern day New York and getting the help of a waitress and her dad to take down his evil stepmother, who is trying to take over the 9 fairy tale kingdoms. I love this series so very, very much.

Also The Librarian, which is a fun fantasy relic hunting movie series. But more on that when we get to TV shows, because the trilogy has a tie-in series.

I do realize that actually the majority of movies in my fantasy/supernatural section are... in fact... more supernatural than fantasy. So, pathetically enough, that is... kind of it.

Now, animated movies is harder because I quite literally have a list with 360 animated movies I saw and liked to various degrees of which the majority would qualify as fantasy due to the nature of most Western animated movies. So I’ll try to “best of” as narrow as possible (seeing as I once successfully managed to narrow my favorite animated movies down to 65...). So, a shorter version of that.

Now, when it comes to fairy tales and animated movies, Disney goes without saying so I’m not even going to say it because it’s very obvious, we all know the movies, seeing the tales. I love most of them, especially their princess movies, with one huge exception. So let’s only name-drop Sleeping Beauty because I adore it, and assume you’ve already seen all other Disney animated fantasy and fairy tale movies and move on from that.

I am also morally obligated to say “Barbie movies” here, because they did a ton of fairy tale adaptations too and the majority of them are fantasy - but to keep it brief, here is a link to my ultimate Barbie movie ranking for more individual recommendations from the Barbie canon and let me also only name-drop my favorite - Diamond Castle.

Don Bluth’s Thumbelina, as well as his Anastasia are two absolute must-sees when we’re talking fantasy (and fairy tale in Tumbles’ case).

DreamWorks wise I love and adore Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas, The Road to El Dorado and Rise of the Guardians.

Now we’re getting into what I like to think of as “deep dive” territory because they’re not mainstream, they’re not big names. But I still love them.

Naturally have to say Swan Princess (1994) - the first three movies anyway, I ignore those 3D animated chep looking sequels. But the OG trilogy is a very perfect trilogy, I adore it so very much.

Another total classic would be The Last Unicorn (1998).

FernGully (1992) is a beautiful tale about fairies and one of my absolute favorite movies of all time.

A newer entry here would be Epic (2013), which is also about fairies and was written by William Joyce!

And, even if it may sound silly. The original Care Bears movies. The three from the 80s. I love them a lot, I think they’re great fantasy fun, who doesn’t love a Care Bear they are adorable, seriously.

Phoe’s Favorite Fantasy Shows!

And we move on to our last segment of this ask. I like a lot of TV shows, so I will try to keep this to my actual favorites.

My absolute favorite is Relic Hunter, it is and always will be my favorite TV show. Even if it’s cheesy at times and only has three seasons. I love it a lot. It’s... very much as it says on the tin; hot archeologist and her nerdy assistant search for magical relics.

If you like that genre, you have to also watch The Librarians - the tie-in sequel series to the movies. More librarians! More magic! More artifacts! More fun. I really love this and I mourn that they cancelled it.

Naturally Once Upon a Time - fairy tales and fantasy and I just love this TV show. Skip the last season though.

And all-time classic for me is the original Charmed - three witch-sisters discovering magic together. This was... the first ever show I actually... really consumed, with everything around it. I was totally obsessed with this, I love it. Which is why I won’t touch the reboot at all, because there’s “I loved this thing. Now there’s a new version of it! Fun!” but there is also “I loved this thing, as it is, there is no need to make a new one, why are you touching this?” - and this one was so very near and dear to my heart growing up that it is definitely the second category for me.

Definitely gotta mention BBC’s Merlin, even if it’s very, very, very flawed. It’s still fun, the characters are lovable. It has a scary fandom... in that it’s still alive and thriving, even so many years after the show’s end.

Also Grimm, though more supernatural than fantasy, it is a fairy tale show. In a way. It’s dumb but fun, because the Grimms were actually not just scholars, they were monster hunters and now modern day descendants of them are still out there hunting the same Big Bad Wolves (who aren’t all bad). I don’t know, I love it, despite the occasional cringe.

Now, lastly on the fantasy - Galavant. A musical comedy about a knight. Very fairy tale-y. Very hilarious and lovable. Sadly cancelled after two seasons.

There are many, many more fantasy shows I watch(ed), but those would be my favorites. Though I do have to tag on that elements such as vampires and werewolves are something I categorize as supernatural so they wouldn’t find mention here in fantasy (Grimm aside, due to the fairy tale theme).

I... hope I could provide a good recommendation or two!

[imaginationofacrazyfangirl]

A Not So Beautiful Fairytale

Pairing:  BTS x Reader, Yes all of them.

Genre: Fantasy/Angst/Smut/ Some humor

Summary: You find yourself slave to seven very handsome supernatural beings. They claim they want nothing more than companionship, but years of servitude taught you not to trust their kind. Either way you just need to hang on until you can find your little sister who was separated from you years ago. 

Word Count: 2874

Warnings: Violence, slavery, implied rape, future smut (involving who knows yet, but will update when I do.)

 Human auctions are not uncommon in the supernatural world. As much as they (being the supernatural) feared the knowledge of their existence getting exposed to humans, they couldn’t seem to help themselves from playing with the same creatures they fear so much. Perhaps it is just in their nature to want to maintain dominance over such inferior beings? Whatever the reason is, Namjoon hates slave auctions. He felt no thrill in using a human as servant or some sort of pet to humiliate. Nor did he enjoy in the more carnal pleasure some of his kind took with their human slaves.

   Besides Namjoon couldn’t stand the wailing noise of terror or the sharp scent of piss which accompanied the slave blocks. They were too much for his delicate senses; another reason he chose to avoid the black market as much as possible. Despite being the main source for supernatural to obtain their most basic non-human goods, the market tends to be littered with slave blocks everywhere. The things are practically shoved into every sharp corner or center stage possible in the small square making it virtually impossible to avoid.

    Hence why Seokjin normally did all the shopping for the household. As a siren, he lacked the capability to experience sensations beyond the level of a human. So his tolerance level for such sights is much higher than Namjoon’s. Moreover Jin is pretty much the mother figure of their strange little family of seven and knows better than anyone the things needed in their household. Whereas Namjoon normally buys more than necessary only to destroy half of it on accident due to his clumsiness. So it is only on the rarest occasions such as today when no one else can go that Namjoon is forced to make the trip to the black market.

     He only thanks the heavens that Seokjin didn’t send him alone instead forcing the youngest/newest of their family Jungkook to join him. The dark haired, wide eyed phoenix is still very much a hatchling in spite of being over a hundred years old. Something evident by how he looks around the market mouth hung open.

 “Hyung! This place is amazing!” he exclaims.

   Namjoon smiles shaking his head. He supposes Jungkook is right. The market is a sight to see, especially when compared to those in the human community. Unlike in the human world where everything is modernized, the supernatural community tends to keep their markets and cities no older than the Victorian period. And this particular market hasn’t updated since the renaissance period leaving in its old cobble roads, brick buildings, geometrical favoring and other old fashioned styling. Furthermore its riddled with creatures of all sorts ranging from pale winged faeries to glistening scaled nagas slinking around in their natural forms. A rare sight to see outside such venues. 

    “You’re gonna catch flies if you keep your mouth open like that.” Namjoon teases ruffling Jungkook’s already messy hair.

   The younger boy immediately shuts his mouth. A light blush forms on his cheeks causing Namjoon to smile wider. ‘To be young and unknowing again,’ Namjoon wistfully thinks to himself. He’s not by far the youngest of the group, but he is more knowledgeable of the world than even his elder brothers Jin and Hoseok. His second elder brother Yoongi is the only one more experienced and disillusioned than he is. 

   “Look Namjoon, honey cake!” Jungkook cries, pointing at a wooden stand with a royal blue awning. Under it a sun kissed skinned faerie baters with a red eyed fury over the fluffy golden cakes dripping with honey. Jungkook runs to the stand not even waiting for Namjoon’s response. His body literally glow red at excite over the cakes. Suddenly Namjoon wishes he had gone alone, because something tells him, he’ll be spending way above the budget Jin set for them. Especially since he can never deny getting his brothers anything they wanted.

    "We’ll take four. “ Namjoon orders.

Jungkook frowns.. "Only four? Hyung, I can eat eight and still have room for more. ”

    "We’re here to buy supplies, remember? Jin will kill us if we don’t come home with what was on the list.“ 

   An annoyed huff escapes the phoenix but he says no more deciding it best not to argue. Namjoon is right. Jin would murder them if they returned empty-handed or at least scold them into the next decade. "Fine, but I’m eating one right now. ”

   "Aish, such a kid.“ 

"Exactly. So you should feed me more. I need it to grow.” Jungkook replied, mouth full of cake. 

     Namjoon rolls his eyes. “You’ve been hanging Hoseok too much. He’s starting to rub off on you.”

        “Nothing wrong with that.”  Jungkook says stuffing the last of his treat into his mouth. “So where to next, hyung?”

     Glad for the reprieve Namjoon glances at the list Jin gave him. It’s short compared to what Jin normally wrote when he went shopping. No doubt an act of mercy for Namjoon to which he’s internally grateful for. “Red root and dried dove’s blood, Jin says the best place for it is a druid shop not too far from the market.”

    “Woah! I’ve never seen a druid before-let’s go.” 

Yup…Jungkook has a lot to learn still.

//

   Shopping goes along surprisingly well thanks to Jin’s thorough instructions. They even manage somehow not to blow their budget on silly knick knacks and treats; though Namjoon has his suspicions about just how much money Jin gave them. Either way Namjoon owes Jin the world’s biggest ‘thank you’ for not only were his instructions thorough, but they somehow directed him away from every slave in the vicinity. 

   "Aaahh, we’re all done. Let’s go home, huh Mr. JK?“ Namjoon smiles.

 Silence.

  "Jungkook?” Namjoon turns only to find the phoenix gone. Panic arises in him knowing how naive the boy still is and how tricky the market can be. For all Namjoon knows Jungkook already traded away his first born or something worse to a shady vendor. The thought hits Namjoon like a freight train. “Jungkook!?”

   Closing his eyes, Namjoon blocks every sense of his but smell. Thankfully phoenixes have a rather distinct scent of smoke, ashes and cinnamon making it easy to point Jungkook out of the maze of creatures. Even more thankfully Namjoon doesn’t smell any of the usual worrisome vendors around the boy. What he does smell though are the sour vinegar scent of piss, salt water, copper and humans…Jungkook found his way to a slave block. 

   Briefly Namjoon debates on letting the phoenix find his own way back. After all, Jungkook isn’t that young he can’t figure out how to find Namjoon. Plus as a phoenix, Jungkook technically is the strongest of creatures in their family-so it’s not like Namjoon needs protect him all the time… 

      It takes Namjoon less than a second to find him. The younger boy unsurprisingly stands at the very front of the block. His eyes wide open as he stares at the three humans on stage. Undoubtedly this is Jungkook’s first auction, and like most of their kind, he’s enthralled by it. 

  "Come on, Jungkook. Let’s go.“ Namjoon says, grabbing him by the shoulder. He purposefully turns to miss the frightened faces of the humans. As much as he hates glamour, it seems kinder to deceive humans of their horrible fate. 

    "Hyung, look.” Jungkook urges, eyes unwavering from their original spot.

   Namjoon shakes his head. “A slave auction I know. I’ve seen them before Kookie.”

 “And how much are you willing to pay for this male human? He has plenty of fat on him, making him the perfect entree dish for your next dinner party!” The auctioneer cheers. 

 A violent sob escapes the human followed by loud offers from the crowd. Namjoon can’t help but sneer at them. For a race that thought themselves superior than humans, they are truly awful creatures. 

  The gavel slams. “Sold to the pixies. Enjoy ladies and fella. Next of human 427, a little on the old side but still good for things like embroidery, cleaning or aged bone soup.”

    "Jungkook now.“ Namjoon orders. He puts a bit of his strength into it but the phoenix barely budges.

       "Joonie, you don’t understand. Look.” Jungkook pleads, pointing. Reluctantly Namjoon does as asked his eyes landing on the third human. He supposes he shouldn’t be too surprised to find that the human who ‘enchanted’ Jungkook is a young woman, the phoenix is young after all. “She’s beautiful…”

  The longing in Jungkook’s voice nearly strikes a chord within his own heart. From where he stands you don’t appear beautiful, your (h/c) hair is long and unruly from lack of care, skin a shade paler than it should be from lack of sunlight, dirt splotches decorate your naked body along with bruises and scars most likely given by your 'caretakers ’. No you are far from beautiful. However for some reason Namjoon can’t pull his eyes away. 

   "I want her, Namjoon-hyung.“ Jungkook states, his voice leaving no room for argument. 

   "Jungkook, we can’t buy her-”

     "Why not? I have more than enough money to. I’d take care of her like how my parents care for their humans. “

    "She’s not a pet, Kookie. She’s a living creature with feelings and emotions.” Namjoon swallows, trying to remember why buying humans is bad.

     "She won’t be my pet. I’ll let her do whatever she wants no questions asked. I just need her to be mine, hyung.“ The determination in Jungkook’s voice shakes Namjoon to his core. He’s only heard Jungkook that determined once in his life, and that was to join their family. 

    "Next up we got this foxy little minx here. ” the auctioneer says. 

     The guards push you further on stage, almost causing you to stumble due to your unwillingness to move. You shoot them a hateful look. Suddenly Namjoon realizes why he finds you so interesting, you have no fear or sorrow in your eyes. Everything about you screams fighter not victim. 

  “As you can see folks, she’s not the most pliant of our lot, but that’s nothing a little glamour won’t fix. Am I right?”  The auctioneer grins. As if to prove a point he walks over to you hand out glimmering with magic. He’s undoubtedly going to put you under, something which Namjoon is surprisingly grateful for. Perhaps if you have the druggy blank stare and dreamy smile all glamoured humans do, he’ll be able to turn and leave.

    The auctioneer reaches out to caress you. However instead of meeting your soft skin, his hand tastes the sharpness of your teeth. A scream erupts him as the guards rush to pull you off. All the while the crowd watches first in silent contemplation of these chain of events then in laugher and finally whispered caution of you. 

   "Evil thing. You’ve just lost any chance you had at escaping here alive.“ the auctioneer growled, slapping you hard. "I told you to behave, and you didn’t listen. Now you’ll pay. ”

  Horror invades Namjoon as the auctioneer raises the gavel above your head. “FORTY THOUSAND!" 

    The words escape Namjoon before he knows it. All eyes turn to him in disbelief. With a deep swallow Namjoon makes his resolve. "I’ll pay forty thousand for her.”

   The auctioneer cocks an eyebrow. “You’d pay for this insolent brat?”

    "I said forty thousand didn’t I?“ Namjoon retorts.

 The auctioneer eyes him for a second. A greedy smile spreads across his face. Immediately Namjoon knows this is going to take a turn for the worse. "This brat has caused me a lot of strife these last few months. So much so revenge is sounding rather nice compared to whatever price you’re low balling me.”

    Namjoon scoffs. Forty thousand is far from low balling if anything it is a hundred times more than you are worth. Moreover Namjoon knows what the auctioneer wants in exchange and no human is worth that price. Yet he can’t find it in himself to leave. “Forty thousand and two years worth of cultivation.”

   "Namjoon-hyung! That’s your life energy you’re exchanging. “ Jungkook hisses.

    Namjoon doesn’t waver. "Well?”

 "Like I said I don’t appreciate lowballers.“ The auctioneer frown, swinging the gavel downwards.

    "NO!" 

   "I’ll add a phoenix tear!” Jungkook’s voice rings out. 

   The gavel stops mid-air. Interest returns to the auctioneer in the form of a grin. “Really a phoenix tear? Forty thousand, two years of life force, and a phoenix tear?”

  Now it is Namjoon’s turn to protest. “No. Jungkook, nothing is worth that price.”

    Phoenixes tears valued more than anything any supernatural could give, and the method of extracting them…Namjoon doesn’t even want to picture it. “He’s already asking for too much. We should just leave -”

    "Stop hyung. I’ve already made my decision. “ Jungkook states firmly. "So auctioneer do we have a deal or are you just a greedy bastard?”

   The auctioneer hums stroking his chin, “Fine. Take her. She’s too much trouble for me. Good luck training her. ”

    Yanking the twine rope around your neck, the auctioneer throws you off the stage. Namjoon moves to catch you, but Jungkook is quicker grabbing you virtually in midair. He looks down at you with an expression, Namjoon has never seen on the phoenix before. “You are alright. You’re safe now. ” Jungkook promises.

   Words fail to express anything Namjoon is thinking, but he gets the feeling something has changed drastically. 

//

Tiny painful gasps escape you as the rope around your neck constricts. Even without the slaver or guards there to pull at it, you can feel its every tightening presence. Especially now that someone - something has bought you. “Hey, what’s wrong? Hyung, I think something is wrong with her!” The dark haired boy cried.

   He stares down at you eyes full of panic. It is odd to see a creature worried about someone outside of their race. In the two years of your captivity, you learned quickly just how little these things cared for humans. “She got yanked by the rope, Kookie. It probably bruised her throat if not knock the wind out of her at the very least. ” his blonde haired companion informs. 

  You eye him cautiously, unsure what to make of him or the boy. Overall he’s lankier with a skinnier but taller figure. Even his face is more defined with sharper angles in the nose and cheek area; which is funny because despite the baby fat still clinging to the brunette, you can tell he’s the more muscular of the two. “Asshole.” The brunette hisses, grabbing the rope.

    You flinch readying yourself for the pull only to feel a soft heat against your neck. The sense of something burning kisses your nose and a soft 'crackle’ chimes as the weight of the rope disappears. Slowly you open your eyes to find the rope in ashes. Brunette or Kookie as Blondie called him, smiles at you. “There. All better now. ”

   In disbelief, your hands search your neck only to find nothing. “W-why?”

 The question slips from you. This is definitely not normal slave owner behavior. Were they trying to lure you by feigning kindness? Or did they truly mean it? Maybe they were abolitionists who hated slavery-if such people existed in the supernatural community. 

     Kookie’s smile widens. “It was hurting you, right? So I took care of it like any good owner would.”

   Owner? Whatever hopes you may have are destroyed by that single utterance. Nothing changed, you are still trapped. “Aish, what did I say about her not being a pet, Jungkook?” The blonde chastises. 

  Kookie, Jungkook or whatever his name is, shoots him a sheepish look. His doughy cheeks redden with embarrassment. He looks genuinely ashamed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean you were a pet. I meant a-”

       "A slave?“ You finish for him. "Or am I to be food for you at some point?”

   Horror washes across Jungkook’s face. To his credit, he even turn a little pale at the question. “What? No! I would never eat you -or any humans. I love humans. It’s just…you’re just-”

     The blonde lays a comforting hand on Jungkook’s head silencing him. “Jungkook’s too pure hearted to cause anyone harm without reason.”

     "I’m human what more reason do you need?“ You reply unwavering. Scars and bruises litter your body from these 'pure hearted ’ creatures. Nothing, no promise or assurance can ever make you trust them. 

       Light brown eyes scan you as if searching for something you can’t see. Subconsciously you push yourself further into Jungkook’s body as if to hide your vulnerability. Blondie smiles at you. It is a soft yet sorrowful smile as he knows exactly what you’ve gone through. He reaches out, his large hand cradling your chin. "You’ve been through a lot, haven’t you? I know my promise probably means nothing given my kind put you through this,  but you’ll be safe with us. I promise.”

   You open your mouth you protest, but no sound comes out. Prior experience warns against trusting these two, however something within silences it. Perhaps it is a fool’s wish, but you want to believe him… want to believe both of them.

    "Well if this isn’t a lovely sight?“ An all too familiar voice interrupts. The three of you look to see the auctioneer grinning down at you. "Now if you two are done playing with the merchandise, a deal is a deal.”

//

[fuse2dx]

July ‘20

Final Fantasy 7: Remake

Straight to it: this game is gorgeous. It’s the closest thing to playing a CG movie that I think I’ve ever experienced. Heck, it sounds great too - not that everything is perfect, but it’s clear that the sound team have been given a pretty wide remit to try new, weird, and wonderful ideas out with the original’s motifs and themes - which I have a lot of time for. Split out almost any given moment from its 40-hour runtime, and it’s really something to behold. 

Where it all gets a bit more mixed for me is in how much it’s weighed down by its own ambitions, and the trappings of AAA game design. Intentionally slow walk-and-talk sections, shimmying through narrow gaps, climbing ladders, and balancing across long beams all do their best to stifle your momentum and mask the load times for the grand scenes they usher in. Rather than the varied and open world of the FF7 you remember, this is an exhaustive deep dive into the tiniest part of that world, creating new stories out of it, but ultimately prompting a constant re-treading of environments in the process, ones that are already pretty repetitive in their look and feel. That big wide world you want to explore is tantalisingly out of reach, instead holding you to a linear run of cut scenes and set piece battles with the occasional hub for side quests. Having the entire game voiced means that for every scene that’s enhanced with by a particularly powerful performance, there’s a multitude more that are bogged down in daft, over-egged nonsense. 

The change from traditional JRPG battles to more action-based combat is a bit more subjective; characters control in pleasingly different ways, there’s clearly some depth to how party and materia configurations influence your outcomes, and it certainly helps demonstrate this heightened level of visual flair - but it’s got plenty of room for improvement. The camera clings far too closely to your character, and when locked on, really struggles to keep up in a lot of instances. While some enemy attacks are telegraphed, they’re easily missed from as a result of these failings. Sufficiently rough beat-downs can prove difficult to recover from too, in light of its rather restrictive re-imagining of what the ATB system should mean in a real-time situation.

It all feels very elaborate and self-celebratory, and not surprisingly so given how rabid the demand for its existence was in the first place. I’m all for a bit of change, and while I enjoyed a lot of it, so much of it hangs on what comes next - and I can’t help but worry that this project as a whole is an over-commitment. 

Streets of Rage 4

Given the first three games in the series released within a 3 year window, and it’s now been over 25 years since, it’s perhaps not the most surprising revelation to find this newest title heralds the biggest changes that the series has seen to date. Love it or hate it, there’s a very distinct, very modern visual style, and no amount of ‘Retro CRT’ filter is going to bring back your beloved pixels as you remember them. That’s not to say the visuals won’t create a similar impression on you, but as it happens, I’ve seen enough to know there’s a pretty broad church of opinion on what a modern Streets of Rage game should look like. It’s a similar tale with the audio; the original games are often held up as the pinnacle of what was possible with the Megadrive’s sound chip, and while plenty of inspiration has been taken from these cuts, there’s a much wider range of instrumentation and sequencing complexity that’s become possible with modern sound processing. Some tracks stand out, whereas others blend more into the background, but in general it fits well. Is it as bleeding-edge cool as the originals sounded at the time? Perhaps not. Does it still capture that Streets of Rage magic? It’s a damn good shot.

Aesthetics aside, characters stomp about with good weight, feel delightfully unique in how they are best played, and both giving and taking hits feels really chunky and convincing. Moves chain into one another nicely, and juggling works well; there’s plenty of opportunity to showboat with good usage of situational specials and environmental features without too much opportunity for thing to become silly. There’s a nice range of stages, and a complete run poses a well balanced challenge. A good range of modes and features make this stand out as a generous blend of old and new, and in total you end up with a pretty great product overall. I like it a lot. 

Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon 2

Supposedly put together on a pretty tight schedule, it’s no surprise that we found out about this only about a month before it launched. Unsurprising too, that it’s not much evolved from the first title. Zangetsu returns as lead, but supported by a new cast of companions, and eventually, in worst-kept-secret style, the rest of the first game’s cast too (they’re in the trailer, for heaven’s sake). The game’s eight levels are set out with multiple paths, designed intentionally to let different groups of these characters use their unique traversal powers to steer you down different routes - and while preferable to a totally linear setup, that’s not to say it changes things up enough to not get a little tiresome, either. Bosses do have harder variations in some modes but are not always the most fun to re-visit in the first place, given they vary wildly in challenge stakes, and are often best handled by experimenting with different character’s sub weapons until you find the one that’s exploitable. Chances are, turning on Hachi’s invincibility and just tanking your way through everything will do just that. 

Moment to moment things are still fun enough - particularly when you get in the spirit of things and experiment with different characters, rather than brute forcing your way through every scenario with the same one. The soundtrack isn’t quite as memorable, but is still plenty enjoyable. Despite the feeling that little’s new, it’s still a worthy release, and a good way to keep Bloodstained relevant in lieu of what’s likely to be a much longer development cycle before we see a proper follow-up to Ritual of the Night. 

Mother Russia Bleeds

A scrolling brawler it may be, but after the gloss Streets of Rage 4, it’s clear the two couldn’t be any further out of step tonally. The plot sits on top of an alt-1980s Russia, and revolves around a group of Romani street fighters out for revenge after being taken forcibly from their camp to be used as guinea pigs for a highly addictive, hallucinogenic drug... that just happens to grant them super-human strength. Smooth and sanitised this is not; the pixels are out in full force, and gritty, needle-fuelled ultra-violent thuggery is the order of the day. The tutorial running you through its range of moves is a succinct highlighting of this, where the first time you kneel in front of and pummel a blood-soaked opponent to death is handled in a way that’s genuinely quite striking, and yet is but is utterly inconsequential as you move on to fight your next. Weapons just crank this up tenfold, with chainsaws, grenades, rifles and the like having results akin to their real-world equivalents - with environments often left as a bloody mess of corpses, rather than a pretty picture with the aftermath faded from view.

The action is fast, almost frantic at first impression, but after some time adjusting, it begins to feel much more by intention, and manageable too. There’s a few options to mix up your combo endings - like pushing people back, or launching for a few more hits, but make no mistake that you’ll be focused more on crowd control by numbers rather than finesse. There’s a few neat ideas coming out of some of the game’s set pieces, and bosses are typically less dependent on your typical straight-up fighting skill, instead relying on your ability to determine the mechanical gimmicks needed to beat them - and this leads to them breaking things up nicely. The lack of one-on-one finesse might have been an initial detractor, but as the battles became bigger, and the stages became more interesting, I felt like the game came far more into its own. The game’s hard cocktail of downtrodden types pushed through a backdrop of sex, drugs, and violence feels a little too try-hard in places - and one does wonder how closely the team involved had been looking at Devolver’s other output before pursuing the theme - but it doesn’t take too much away from what’s actually a pretty refreshing example of this type of game.

[nocturne-inuyasha-ff]

Nocturne - Midnight Fantasies, Morning Revelations

Nocturne - Chapter Four: Midnight Fantasies, Morning Revelations

Rated - M (for suggestive adult themes, references to some violence, and coarse language)

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.

Kagome could feel a soft pressure on the inside of her leg, but it was not enough to pull her from her entirely out from the land of dreams. She did not want to leave those dreams, warm and carefree, to face the harshness of reality just yet. The pressure rose higher in a slow, almost tentative movement. The feeling trailed back down, teasing her skin as the flesh pulled into taunt gooseflesh. Then the touch trailed back up, slower now, rising higher and higher. When finally, the touch reached the apex of her thighs, a heavy weight lowered itself onto her legs.

Eyelids fluttering, still blurry with sleep, Kagome looked to find a silver glow between her legs. The covers had been thrown back, allowing the heat to dissipate into the cold of the room. Any remaining heat she had left in her body flooded all down to her lower half.

Before any more thought could be strung together, or words uttered, a soft touch caressed her most intimate area. She sucked in a breath, languishing in the sudden feeling of pleasure. Her legs fell open shamelessly at the beckoning and Kagome mindlessly moaned, perhaps a name; she wasn't sure.

The pressure was warm and wet as it touched her, gliding over her sensitive folds. Her fingers wrapped around the silver strands positioned between her legs. The sensation that mounted in her core caused her to flush, her body now reinvigorated. Euphoric intensity began to build within her. The urgency of her need began to overwhelm her already foggy state. Kagome's eyes were slits, and through her sleepful haze, she was brought closer and closer to consciousness.

Golden eyes and a crescent moon flashed briefly through her vision before she squeezed her own eyes shut as the climax engulfed her, sending her over the edge in waves. A breathy cry escaped her lips, and she gripped, white-knuckled, onto the strands of silver. Her eyes flew open, and she bolted upright, her need for something more overcoming her.

Kagome panted softly and looked around the dimly lit room. Looking between her legs, there was...nothing. Her hands were wrapped tightly around her covers. She loosed her grip and scanned the room again. There was nothing out of place, and she was alone in the small abode.

'Did I just dream that?' she wondered sheepishly.

To have such an intense and realistic dream made her feel a little shameful — what a lustful woman she was becoming. A blush crept over her face once she realized who she had dreamed. Raising a hand to her mouth in a thoughtful gesture, she waved away the notion.

'No, I musn't drudge those memories up,' she scolded herself.

The room was cold, the embers of the hearth which heated the house pitifully low. Kagome shivered and rose to bring the fire back to life. Once she'd completed that task, wakefulness had settled too much upon her for sleep to come back quickly. Oddly enough, her dream had not satiated her hunger, leaving her desirous for more. She pushed the thought away, shoving it down deep. She prepared an herbal tea and sipped the steaming concoction, thinking the dream over and over. It made her middle clench in an exciting sensation.

'How can I be thinking about this?!' she demanded of herself.

Setting her cup down forcefully, she rose up and walked over to the door. Her hand rose and settled on the wall as if touching something on the other side. Now she was being silly. It would seem that living on the edge of a village and being alone led to ridiculous tendencies: dreams, notions, and the like.

The herbal tea began to take its intended effect, and Kagome made her way back to her futon to sleep before the sun started its zenith. There were only a couple of hours left of darkness and village life started early. She longed to be well-rested when tending to the needs of others so she settled in to sleep, all the while praying no more dreams would come her way.

When the sun rose, Kagome woke to the sound of birdsong outside. She found it irksome that even 500 years in the past, she had to wake early. Back when she was still a child she had naively thought that people in the past slept in because they lacked alarm clocks. Now she knew the truth. Nature had a gripping way of reminding one that life would not wait. Whether it be the call of the birds outside, the pressing need to relieve oneself after a night of sleep, or the steady reminder that food had to be made - from scratch no less - and food cost money which had to be earned through hard work. In a sense, sleep was a commodity that many could not afford.

She set to her morning chores, which consisted of putting the bedding away, setting up the hearth and cleaning up any old cinders, drying herbs, and fetching water from the local water supply. She usually tried to gather water before the sun rose, but since winter had set in, she waited until the sun rose high enough to provide some level of warmth.

Today, it was hidden behind a cover of grey clouds, and Kagome sighed as she set out with her carrying pole to the river. Usually, Inuyasha would fetch the water for their home since he could carry more and return quickly, but while he was gone, Kagome had to shoulder all of the household chores, quite literally. On her return trek, she paused when she heard her name called aloud.

"Kagome!"

Kagome set her load down carefully and turned around. She knew from the voice that Sango was coming her way. The woman waved heartily once she saw that Kagome had heard her and Kagome waved back. The former taijiya jogged over and hugged her friend.

"Kagome, it's been days since I've seen you!" Sango exclaimed.

"I suppose it has!" Kagome considered. She'd not given thought to the absence of her friend these past few days; her mind preoccupied. "I'm sorry, I've been a bit distracted and busier than I'd intended."

Sango gave Kagome an assessing glance, looking her up and down with a peculiar look on her face.

"Well," she began, "I figured something was up since you missed dinner last night."

The realization hit her like a hammer, "Oh my! I'm so sorry, Sango! I completely forgot about it. Please forgive me."

Sango waved her off. "It's fine. The girls missed you, but the boys couldn't be bothered. Katsu is going through this stage where he finds all girls disgusting, and little Hiro does whatever his elder brother does, so…" she trailed off.

"Well, I am sure I can make it up to them tonight?" Kagome suggested. "I don't have anything special planned."

Sango smiled broadly, "Not unless the men return, that is."

Kagome forced a laugh. "Right," she said with a small, forced smile that seemed to belie her true feelings.

Sango sighed and put a friendly hand on Kagome's shoulder.

"Listen, the real reason I've come is to check up on you. I saw young Rin yesterday evening, and she told me that you took a tumble."

Kagome looked off to her side. She didn't want her friends to worry about her. There was so much else to worry about, and she didn't need them burdening themselves fearing for her wellbeing.

"Oh, that. Yes, I think I was overworked and dehydrated."

"Dehydrated?" Sango questioned.

"Um, when you don't have enough water," Kagome supplied.

Sometimes what seemed simple common sense was unknown to the people of the Fuedal Era. Kagome had a hard time recalling what was considered modern medicine and what was not. Something that every school-age child knew of - germs - were still undiscovered and unknown in this day and age. Kagome thought it common sense to wash her hands, boil rags, or keep medical utensils clean, whereas the people of the era did not share her concern.

Sango nodded, "That makes sense, I suppose."

She looked to her left and her right to make sure no one was listening. The village had ears in every direction and larger mouths. Word would travel fast if one were not careful. Kagome noticed that Sango seemed to brighten when she assured herself that no one was around.

"So, tell me, Kagome. What ails you? Truly?"

Kagome felt a little taken aback at her direct question. "What do you mean?" she asked.

Sango gave her a sheepish look. "You cannot fool me. I've been with child enough to know your symptoms are not from 'de-hi-dray-tion,'" she attempted the unfamiliar word.

A shocked expression crossed Kagome's features, and Sango felt a little dubious. "You can't mean to tell me you didn't know? You? The miko who knows all of the gloriousness of healing from your future world?"

When Kagome still did not respond, instead, standing almost listless in front of her, Sango began to feel concern.

"Kagome! Perhaps you are truly not well. Come," she said and grabbed up the carrying pole. "Let's get you back to your home and discuss."

Sango guided her friend back to her dwelling. Once inside, Sango sat the water down and approached Kagome who seemed to be internally at war with herself.

"Let's sit," she said and guided Kagome to the floor. "You are even paler than usual," Sango said softly.

Kagome was, indeed, at war on the inside. She felt surges of happiness and shock and tinges of fear.

"I…" she began. "I did know, I think. I just hadn't admitted it to myself."

"Well, you've been childless for so long I was beginning to think that Inuyasha was impotent!" Sango exclaimed.

"Haha," Kagome let out a nervous laugh. "I suppose not. Otherwise, how could I be...pregnant?" she nearly choked on the word.

Sango turned serious. "You do not look as excited as I would have expected. Are you sure you are alright?"

"I'm fine," was her response and not a convincing one.

Sango wore a skeptical look and assessed her friend again, trying to see if her gaze could crack Kagome open.

"Right, well, I am excited for you, and I am certain that Inuyasha will be ecstatic once he learns the news."

Kagome's eyes snapped wide. She hadn't considered Inuyasha. She'd been so caught up in her thoughts, not allowing herself to see the truth and what that may imply, that it had caught her off guard.

"Are you afraid of his reaction?" Sango asked, inferring from her friend's actions. "I, too, was nervous to tell Miroku that I was with child. Even though I knew it was what he had wanted, I still felt trepidation."

She gave Kagome a reassuring hug. "Once I told him, he surprised me with his tender reaction, and I could not have felt more love for the man."

Sango sat back and smiled, thinking about it. "And here I am...four children later."

"I know it's silly. I've wanted this for so long. I'm just afraid that it won't be what he wants," Kagome said.

"He would be a fool to assume that coupling would never result in children. Even more a fool to pass up the chance to create a family with you," Sango told her. "In fact, if he acts anything more than over the moon with happiness, you tell me, and I will knock him out," she said levelly.

A burst of real laughter erupted from Kagome. Sango had a way of putting things into perspective. Kagome only wished that she could tell her friend her genuine fear, but the past events would be misconstrued into something else entirely, and Kagome had not yet determined how to deal with this perturbing turn of events.

She mentally shook herself back to reality, "Thank you, Sango. I appreciate all that you've done."

"You know I would do practically anything for you. Just as you've done for me. I love you as a sister, and I'm so excited for you," Sango said tenderly, pulling Kagome into another embrace.

The woman was much too pleased with Kagome's condition, likely so she would have another person with which to commiserate. The other village women seemed a little vapid for Sango's tastes. She preferred to hold a meaningful conversation, one that included battling techniques or demon-slaying, which the local women did not consider appropriate conversation topics for women.

"I consider you a sister, too, Sango. Thank you again. I'm glad to have you through this...process," she said gesturing to her middle. "But, um, do you think that Kaede and Rin know?"

Sango gave her a knowing smile. "Of course Kaede suspects, and Rin...well she is a chatterbox and probably the most gossip-mongering person I know, but she is not blind. Neither is she disloyal to her friends. You've nothing to worry over until you are ready to share the news yourself. Though, I cannot imagine who more you could tell outside of the men."

Just thinking that Rin knew made Kagome's heart sink into the pit of her stomach. Rin was loyal and would not tell anyone. Well, there was someone she would trust enough to understand, and that was the last person that Kagome wanted to know about her condition.

"Can I share something with you?" Kagome asked. She must have looked quite pitiful once Sango's expression turned from joyous to concerned.

"Of course," she said.

"I-I assumed that Inuyasha and I could not have children," she divulged.

"What would make you think that? Just because you had not been with child yet, does not mean you are not capable. Sometimes it takes a while for a pair to be fully compatible," Sango tried to assure her.

'Compatible,' Kagome thought. What a word to use. "Well, there's that, and sometimes, hybrids cannot reproduce."

Sango's lip curled up in confusion, her brow knit together. "What?"

"You know that Inuyasha is half human and half yokai, right?"

"Yes, I am familiar with his lineage," Sango told her. "What does that have to do with it?"

"But have you ever seen a quarter yokai?" Kagome asked. "A diminutive version of a hanyou?"

"Kagome, are you afraid that Inuyasha will not want a child with you because it would be some sort of abomination?"

"No, that's not it. It's just that usually hybrids are sterile. Meaning they cannot have children." she explained.

Sango still looked confused. "I don't follow, but I do know that you are overthinking into this."

"You're right; I'm just overthinking this. I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"Don't apologize. I was also very overcome with crazy thoughts. I even would have the most pleasantly, strange dreams! The things that pregnancy do to you may shock you, but I promise I will be here as well as the others."

Kagome smiled and sighed. Momentarily, she felt at ease. She thanked Sango profusely and entertained her for another hour before she had to return to her family.

"I will see you this evening for dinner," she said. "I need to get back before the young ones overwhelm Rin. I left them with her to come out here alone. I didn't think you'd want to have your tidy home trampled just yet," she winked.

Kagome dreaded the return of Inuyasha like none other. Her guilt racked her profoundly, and it often would make her sick. She honestly could not tell if she was experiencing morning sickness or if it was her mind eating at her. So, she was pregnant. She felt like she should be on one of those ridiculous American reality TV shows where the woman does not know who the father was and they parade around on stage asserting who they thought was the father, only for a DNA test to return shocking results. The only difference here was that there were no DNA tests.

She weighed her options frequently. She might have carried Inuyasha's child, and she hoped for that scenario since it would be the easiest to handle. On the other hand, she had done some studying on hybrids while she was sealed in the future. It was difficult to explain, and the science behind it made her head fuzzy, but the result is that two different species may only be compatible for one generation.

Yokai were something different, if not another species, she'd determined. This was much all too complicated to think about for any length of time. Kagome settled her mind on the fact that if she and Inuyasha could have a child together, it would have happened already. The timing between her night with Sesshomaru and her resulting pregnancy was just too perfect.

Anytime she thought about it at length, Kagome always ended up with the same conclusion, and it frightened her. If this were the daiyokai's child...what would the implications be? What would Inuyasha think? What would he do? She shook her head. She knew precisely what Inuyasha would do. He would turn into an uncontrollable rage-beast and attempt to kill his half-brother for impregnating 'his woman.'

However, if she did not tell Inuyasha, maybe he would assume this was his child. He knew nothing of the midnight tryst she and his brother had shared and had no notion of future genetics. Perhaps that was her best option. But could she live with the guilt? The constant fear eating away at her that Inuyasha would wise up and find out somehow? What if he could tell the child was not his own?

She shuddered at the thought and another heinous imagining popped into her mind. What if Sesshomaru knew? What would he do given his stance towards hanyos? Would he kill the child or her with it before the world was tainted with the knowledge that he had sired a mutt?

Kagome's head hurt with the swirl of 'what ifs.' She squeezed her eyes shut, and tears still found their way out to run down her face. It seemed that no matter what she did, she was doomed. She would lose everything, and no one would know or care that she was not to blame. But she felt at fault. She could have stopped the night from happening. She felt the call and the spell that had been wrapped around her. It would not have been difficult to break the spell, but she let curiosity get the best of her, and the lust that she felt when she realized who had been called to her side made her forget about any attempt at breaking it.

A creak in the floorboard announced the presence of a visitor to Kagome's abode. She opened her eyes to see Inuyasha in the doorway. Fear chained her to the floor, and guilt weighed her down. Inuyasha's eyes narrowed as he took in the sight of her crying on the floor.

He quickly rushed to her side and knelt beside her, "Kagome?" he questioned gently. "What's wrong?"

She smiled and wiped her traitorous tears from her face. "Inuyasha!" she exclaimed. "You're home."

"I thought you'd be happy to see me," he said, nearly pouting. "Sango squealed and jumped into Miroku's arms."

"It-It's not that," she sniffled.

"Then, why are you crying? What's happened?" he asked, his eyes full of concern.

Kagome steeled herself and tried her best to look happy. "I'm...pregnant," she told him.

His face dropped into a blank expression for a split second as he processed the information. "What?" he said.

Kagome gave him a playful shove, trying to bring levity to the moment. "I said...I. Am. Pregnant."

"With my child?" he asked, his features starting to brighten.

Kagome knew that his question was a knee-jerk reaction from someone who had led a tumultuous life and still could not comprehend that anyone would live with him, let alone love him and give him a family. It caught her off guard, and she nearly admitted her doubt aloud.

"Why would you ask that, idiot?!" she asked offensively. She had half a mind to 'Sit' him then and there, but refrained.

"This is amazing news! We're finally going to have a pup of our own, and I can rub it in Miroku's nose!"

"I tell you I'm pregnant and all you can think about is defending your masculinity to the lecher monk? Doesn't it mean anything else to you?" she asked, a little appalled at his reaction.

He scooped her up into a big hug and nuzzled her neck. "Of course it does. It means everything to me," he said gently.

Kagome bit back the tears that threatened to spill out. Her mind was made up. She wouldn't tell him, nor could she.

Almost a month had passed, and spring had begun to tease its arrival. The cold had broken into something more bearable, but it still chilled all those who ventured out into it. Kagome had shared the 'official' news with her friends, and it was well-received by everyone, much to Kagome's internal chagrin. No one knew the truth. In reality, Kagome bore it all relatively well given the circumstances. She just had this foreboding feeling that something would happen, and soon.

Her ultimate fear was that someone would look at her and know her horrible secret. Most days, she would only feel the twinge of guilt once or twice a day, and she would need to take steadying breaths to clear her mind. Others were much more difficult. Kagome had a perfect excuse, though. She could use pregnancy ailments as a reason for her moments - or days - of strange behavior.

This day was one of the worst so far. Today, Kagome did not want to rise out of bed and face the day. The night before had been trying for her. Inuyasha had doted upon her, completing her chores, bringing her meals wherever she happened to be working, and being generally affectionate. He had not said an offensive word to her since she'd told him of her condition and that did nothing to settle her shame.

'How could she deceive him?' She would often wonder. Inuyasha had finished the night cuddling against her abdomen - which had begun to swell - and spoke to her unborn child. Had her circumstances been different, the moment would have been perfect.

Inuyasha had risen early this morning and completed her usual morning tasks only to return to find her bedridden.

He dashed to her side in concern, "Oi, Kagome? Are you okay? Why are you still in bed?" He paused. "Is it the baby?"

Kagome's internal anguish manifested itself into a sob.

"No, I do not feel well today... Hormones," she casually explained away.

The word was foreign to Inuyasha, and he just nodded and kissed her forehead.

"I have to go. There is fighting up north that is threatening to spill southward to the village," Inuyasha told her.

She rose up onto an elbow to give him her attention; her anguish was momentarily forgotten. He must have seen Miroku while out and about.

"Why?" she asked. Her question was not inquiring why he was leaving but rather why there was fighting.

"Stupid people making stupid decisions. Humans fighting for power, the usual," he told her. "There've already been some people sent here asking for help. Some shogun is levying villages for men to support him in a campaign or something. I don't know the specifics, just that those idiots are going around killing people. If you want details, ask Miroku. I'm just going along to send a message of my own." A sinister grin crossed his face, and that mischievous look nearly made Kagome smile.

"What's that?" she asked.

"Fuck with us, and I will come and fuck with you," he said darkly.

She nearly laughed. "Right, you go and dispatch the baddies. But how long will you be gone? This doesn't sound like the usual deal."

Inuyasha rolled up onto a shoulder and began to run his hand over Kagome's abdomen. "I don't know, Kagome. A week or two, maybe. Not long. I just gotta run through these people and I'll be back here."

"I see," she said. "I'm not going anywhere." She rose up and began putting her things away.

Inuyasha hopped up and began to follow her around the room, helping her to put things away. Kagome smiled, amused at his new penchant for assisting her. "What will I do once you're gone?" she asked jokingly.

"Well, I figured maybe you'd like it if Shippo were here?" he asked, shrugging.

Kagome stopped and turned on her heel, "What?"

Shippo had been away at Kitsune school, studying for his examinations. Kagome only saw him sparingly this past year since he was nearing the completion of his intermediate training. In fact, he'd not been back to the village since before she'd announced she was with child.

"Yeah, he came back this morning. I told him to wait outside while I told you about the trip. He wanted to surprise you, so act surprised or something."

"Since when does Shippo listen to you?" Kagome asked.

"Since I knocked him upside the head and told him that I'd always be able to clobber his ass no matter what type of training he thinks he has," Inuyasha answered. He crossed his arms and looked a little smug.

Without any prompting, the kitsune entered the house and dashed over to pull Kagome into a bear hug, spinning her around. "Oh!" Kagome exclaimed.

Inuyasha, arms still crossed, yelled, "Oi! Watch the goods runt!"

Shippo put Kagome down carefully. He'd grown to stand nearly her height, which astonished Kagome. He'd been so small for the longest time that Kagome hadn't thought he'd get much larger. How wrong she'd been. "Oh, Shippo! It's been too long this time!"

The kitsune's deeper voice surprised her. "It's only been a few months. I had to really study for that last exam," he told her. "But look!" he pointed out, turning around for her to see his backside. Three tails wagged in unison at her. "I got another one!" he said happily. "Now I have as many as papa did."

"Wow, look at that! You'll have an entire set in no time!" she said. She put her hands on her hips and admired his new tail.

"You know it!" he grinned. "Soooo," he began and looked down at her middle. Kagome gave him a confused look. Why was he looking at her like that? She wondered. "When are you planning on telling me about the bun in the oven? You finally let Inuyasha knock you up, huh?"

Inuyasha scowled and knocked Shippo on top of the head with a fist. "Fuck off…"

Kagome's eyes widened in surprise, "Wha...uh...I guess you know then. How did you know?"

Rubbing his head, Shippo ducked away from Inuyasha's swinging fist and ran behind Kagome.

"Yeah, hide behind a woman, you coward," Inuyasha growled.

Shippo grabbed Kagome's shoulders from behind and peeked over, laughing. "It's not difficult. I can sense it. I learned it in school. Something Inuyasha would know nothing about," he cajoled.

Inuyasha's eyes narrowed, and he cracked his knuckles maliciously. "Keep yapping, but just remember runt...you can't cower behind her forever."

"Chill out, Inuyasha, I'm just messing with you." Shippo plopped down on the floor next to the hearth and began to look through a pot of food, looking for anything edible and blatantly ignoring Inuyasha's empty threats.

With a growl and roll of his eyes, Inuyasha turned to exit the house. Kagome pulled an outer robe over her garments and stepped out behind him.

"Are you leaving right now?" Kagome asked hesitantly. Inuyasha had not gone far. He leaned against the exterior of the house, his arms still crossed.

"Yeah. Miroku's getting some things, and he'll meet me here," he answered.

"Be safe…" she said absently, her thoughts beginning to drift away.

"Keh, I ain't worried. And you shouldn't either, woman. Those humans can't do nothin to me," he assured her.

"Okay," she replied. She crossed her arms and looked towards the horizon where the village lie. Miroku would likely become visible in a moment or so. His proclivity for arriving punctually was one of his more endearing qualities.

Kagome brought a hand to her chin and crossed her other arm underneath. "Do you think that this skirmish is affecting the western lands?" she asked.

Inuyasha looked over at her, "Sesshomaru's land? I don't know. Why should I care?"

She shrugged, not meeting his gaze. "Curiosity, I guess. I'm thinking about Rin and how much she cares for him."

"Keh," Inuyasha scoffed. "I'm sure that asshole is doing just fine. I can't say much for the guy, but if anyone tries to fuck with him, they won't live to regret it."

Kagome pointed at a figure broaching the horizon; Miroku right on queue. The monk had a large pack strapped to his back and followed by Sango and their four children. The family exchanged their goodbyes at Kagome's house, and Miroku assured a speedy return. Sango bore a worried expression as her husband departed and pulled her children close while they waved him farewell. Inuyasha only lingered for a moment, pulling Kagome into a tender embrace and then walked off with Miroku into the distance.

"Do you think they'll be alright?" Sango asked.

Kagome gave her friend a reassuring gaze. "With Miroku as the brains and Inuyasha the brawn, there's nothing that can stop that pair," she joked.

Sango sighed, "As long as he uses his big head and not his little one to think with…"

Kagome blushed and gestured to the children who now attacked Shippo in a heap of flying limbs.

Sango waved her off, "It's fine. They can't hear me."

Kagome chuckled and watched the children all pull at Shippo's tails and his clothes while he cried out, hamming it up. For once, she did not feel the fear or guilt and started to think that she could have this...family...with Inuyasha.

Sango called off her tiny warriors from their foe, and Shippo begged for mercy on his knees. "Oh please mighty taijiya-monk children, do not smite your dear old friend Shippo!"

The children all laughed and whined that they wanted to stay and slay the fox, but Sango ordered them off the Kitsune with a commanding voice. Once the children had been thoroughly cowed into submission and stood ready to leave, Sango turned to wish her friend goodbye. She hugged Kagome, giving her a wink.

"Someday, very soon, this will be all yours," she said, nodding her head towards the children who had begun to fight amongst themselves.

Kagome smiled and waved as the family made their way back to the village and their domicile. Shippo waved, too, holding Kagome by the shoulder companionably. Once he was sure they were gone, he leaned his head towards her.

"So, when are you planning on telling me what's really going on?" Shippo inquired.

[shelikesthosefunnypeople]

Pls explain more abt the ancient history thing b I’m very interested

Hello anon!

I know this was sent in months ago and I should have replied to it then but I’m a master procrastinator and life has been strange (before coronavirus kicked off I was in the middle of preparing for exams). Anyway, I’m happy to answer this.

I made a post in the distant past, basically saying that I think there is a view that history before 1800 is somehow less intellectual and that this is rooted in sexism. That post is here. Allow me to explain and please bare in mind that this is all just my opinion and is based off my experiences.

Apologies for the length.

Firstly, I love history. I’m a complete geek for it. I think it’s important, interesting and with a bit of luck I’ll be studying it at university soon. Therefore, this isn’t a post where I try to claim that actually history before 1800 is superior... because that’s just dumb. History is history and while historians can have personal preferences over which period they find most interesting, that doesn’t make that period “better” than any others. Literally. I mean, everything leading up to the present day didn’t happen in isolated, distinct boxes and all of it is useful to understanding how modern society has developed.

It makes sense that there is a general interest in “modern history”. After all, it is interesting and we have more information about it thanks to technological developments. The 20th century was a time of massive change if you compare 1900 to 2000 - although, I’m sure it’s easy for us to see the difference, seeing as the 20th century wasn’t so long ago in the grand scheme of things and many people who are alive today lived through a part of it. I’m sure people living in the early part of any century probably thought (if they had access to history) that the start and end of the previous century were hugely different. Nevertheless, I agree that the 20th century is quite profound in this respect, at least at the moment. In 100 years, who knows?

The 19th century also offers us a lot more remnants than its predecessors and I think culturally is still viewed as important. Some people have a rose tinted view of the 19th century. In Britain, I’d say it is seen by those of a certain political persuasion (check out Tory MP Jacob Rees-Mogg) as a time of peak Britishness(TM) and nationalistic pride... although that narrative is simplistic and disregards the suffering of the colonies and indeed the working classes of Britain, who had to prop up all this “greatness”. Anyway, I’m sure if you found a stuffy 19th century bloke, he would tell you how his society’s morality has gone to complete shambles and that he yearns for a bygone era that only really exists in his mind. I guess that’s just what some people always do. Conservatives, eh?

I’ll actually get to the point now.

At my college, there were two history courses available: modern (involving subjects such as the Russian Revolution and Britain from about 1950-2007) and pre-modern (involving subjects such as the crusades and the English Reformation). I took the latter course and was in a class of 18, where there were 13 girls and 5 boys. Generally, the modern history classes were weighted in the opposite way, which simply suggests that at my particular college with my particular year group, boys had a preference for modern history and girls for pre-modern. I would argue that this preference appears to be more widespread in general, but that’s not definite.

The fact that this difference existed is not the problem. The problem is what people perceived this difference to mean.

I was told by a boy (not a nice boy, so not a representation of everyone) who was studying history that the course I was taking was “the gay version”. That, of course, is a puerile insult for 2020 and highlights his maturity level - all history is very, very gay and if you take issue with that then I don’t know what to tell you. Get your head out of your arse, maybe? But anyway... why did he feel superior about studying a different bit of history?

It wasn’t just him. A (male) teacher once told me that the history course I had chosen wasn’t as useful as the other one and that the only use it had was that I could apply transferable essay writing skills to my other subjects. Which was bollocks, might I add. Unsurprisingly, he wasn’t a history teacher.

So, where were these views coming from? Why was the English Reformation - which was basically 16th century Brexit - seen as lesser than the Russian Revolution? The obvious argument one could make is that events that have happened more recently are more important and have more of an impact today. However, without the events of the years before them, would these events have happened either? Does the Church of England not still exist? Do we not have a statue of Richard the Lionheart in Westminster (because we like giving statues to tossers, apparently)?

In my opinion, the answer to this odd hierarchy of time periods lies in gender socialisation and the propensity of people to view history in the same way they view fiction. We know that the traditional male/female gender socialisation patterns are different: boys are socialised to be “tough”, “leaders”, “aggressive” etc. whilst girls are socialised to be “submissive”, “friendly”, “polite” etc. This is hopefully changing now but inbuilt, subconscious biases about the genders and what quantifies masculinity and femininity are still around. There is the stereotype of boys being interested in war due to the toys they were given to play with. Surprise, surprise - warfare in the 20th century alone was vastly different to anything that had come before it and, as I said, due to technology we have more archived about it. I’m not suggesting that only boys are interested in historical war - again, that’s a stereotype. Anyone can be interested in war, 20th century or otherwise. Despite this, I’m not going to pretend there still aren’t those guys who get waaaay into warfare and that their interest and knowledge in history is largely confined to that subject.

And that’s fine! You know, as long as you don’t start worshipping Hitler or anything equally creepy. People aren’t experts on every little bit of history and are allowed to have stereotypical interests.

Yet, that still doesn’t explain completely why “modern history” is viewed as more intellectual, just because maybe it appeals slightly more to men (apart from the obvious that anything men like is viewed as superior in some way).

As historical societies are notably different to our own - especially on the surface - and because there is so much historical fiction that seeks to romanticise it, it is not massively surprising that many people do see history as an extension to fiction. It’s gone, we live in the now, lots of people don’t even believe history matters. The fantasy genre has a habit of adopting historical (often medieval) settings for its tales. It’s an obvious example but Game of Thrones was a retelling of the Wars of the Roses, amongst other things. I think when fantasy is applied to history it makes it seem even less real than it may already and this can lead to it being taken less seriously (though please do watch Horrible Histories or Blackadder and take the piss out of all time periods because humans of every age have been fallible). Of course, it is far easier to romanticise and play around with times that are further from our own because they are further detached and therefore more fantastical. This plays into post-1800 being seen as more “real” and “intellectual”.

Some men who wish to keep women out of the historical circle accuse them of only being interested in history because of “romance” or “fancy dresses” - princesses and knights and fairytales. This is more a low down problem with internet trolls than actual, published historians but the issue still stands. If you view “pre-modern” history through this veil of fiction then it must seem rather childish compared to the stark brutality of the World Wars and the political rise of the New Right in the West. However, conversely, it could also be argued that the nationalism and legend attached to recent warfare makes it equally comparable to a story. Not a happy story but then, Game of Thrones isn’t a happy story either.

I don’t think anyone serious about history actually believes that the romantic, fantastical elements attached to any historical periods are 100% true. Hopefully, most people don’t see them as proof that being interested in a certain period makes you better than someone who is interested in another period. Any period can be romanticised, including the “modern” one - Titanic, anyone? Not to mention the frilly view we have of the Victorians (although that’s not silly because of the Britishness(TM), remember). Actually, using history in fiction and even making fiction about history isn’t even a bad thing and I certainly encourage it. I just think that the truth shouldn’t be conveniently forgotten by those with weird superiority complexes who think that because The Tudors was all about love trysts and fine clothing, the entire period is “girly” and a write off.

What am I saying amongst this rambling mess? The next time you see a girl going through her Ancient Egypt phase, don’t roll your eyes. Not if you wouldn’t do the same when you see a boy with an interest in WW2 tanks. Whichever way people come to their interest in the past is valid (apart from the creepy fascist worshipping I mentioned). A lot of things in our world are gendered when they shouldn’t be; history should be equally open to all and although there is a focus on the past 200 years (just look at the uni modules on offer), that doesn’t mean that if you are interested in the years before, your interest isn’t valid enough.

I hope I’ve managed to explain myself properly and have gotten through how gender plays into this sufficiently. I know this is a very niche thing to have an opinion on and I’d like to stress again that this is just my opinion and you are free to disagree with me. That said, if you send me hate then don’t expect a proper response.

Thanks for the ask!

[artemis-entreri]

[[ This post contains Part 4 of my review/analysis of the Forgotten Realms/Drizzt novel, Boundless, by R. A. Salvatore. As such, the entirety of this post’s content is OOC. ]]

Genre: Fantasy

Series: Generations: Book 2 | Legend of Drizzt #35 (#32 if not counting The Sellswords)

Publisher: Harper Collins (September 10, 2019)

My Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Additional Information: Artwork for the cover of Boundless and used above is originally done by Aleks Melnik. This post CONTAINS SPOILERS. Furthermore, this discussion concerns topics that I am very passionate about, and as such, at times I do use strong language. Read and expand the cut at your own discretion.

Contents:

Introduction

I. Positives   I.1 Pure Positives   I.2 Muddled Positives

II. Mediocre Writing Style   II.1 Bad Descriptions   II.2 Salvatorisms   II.3 Laborious “Action”

III. Poor Characterization   III.1 “Maestro”   III.2 Lieutenant   III.3 Barbarian   III.4 “Hero”   III.5 Mother

IV. World Breaks (you are here)   IV.1 Blinders Against the Greater World   IV.2 Befuddlement of Earth and Toril   IV.3 Self-Inconsistency   IV.4 Dungeon Amateur   IV.5 Utter Nonsense

V. Ego Stroking   V.1 The Ineffable Companions of the Hall   V.2 Me, Myself, and I

VI. Problematic Themes   VI.1 No Homo   VI.2 Disrespect of Women   VI.3 Social-normalization   VI.4 Eugenics

VII. What’s Next   VII.1 Drizzt Ascends to Godhood   VII.2 Profane Redemption   VII.3 Passing the Torch   VII.4 Don’t Notice Me Senpai

World Breaks

There's a reason that Salvatore's dark elf books are more popular than his works in his own settings, and that reason is only partly due to the Drizzt books being around longer. A fair number of people who actively like the Drizzt books don't much care for Salvatore's Demonwars books, and I suspect the reason is that the Drizzt books piggyback off of a greater world built by better creatives. One would think, then, that Salvatore would respect the foundation that has helped lift him to his height, but sadly, the opposite is true. Instead, Salvatore seems chagrined by, even resentful of, the fact that what makes his work in the shared world as popular as it is is the fact that the world is a sum of the efforts of many. Salvatore's earlier books were much better, in part due to his significantly more humble attitude, but also due to a greater care in respecting what others have woven around him. With each new Drizzt book however, it seems Salvatore is puffing out his chest more, intent on writing his name in a giant sharpie over the tapestry that many hands painstakingly wove together before. The Forgotten Realms may not have some facets as developed as other fantasy worlds like Middle-Earth, but nonetheless, even while missing complete languages, FR has enough self-consistency to at least maintain the feel of the whole. With each new book however, Salvatore turns his nose up at the Realms a new degree. Even if a reader doesn't care about the world outside of Salvatore's take on it, I would hope that they're reasonable enough to see how disrespectful and petty it is to disregard and, at times, erase the work done by others in that same setting, especially when even the creator of the world himself is not exempt from this treatment. 

Blinders Against the Greater World

Salvatore's corner of the Realms has always been very insular, but Boundless takes ignoring of the wider world to a whole new level. To Salvatore, it is as though all there is to the Realms is Faerûn. The planet that is Toril has been reduced to a single continent. Even the great Gromph Baenre, whom Salvatore has fought to elevate to the levels of Blackstaff if not Elminster, doesn't seem aware that the planet is round. When Gromph tells Penelope Harpell to take Catti-brie far away from danger, he states, "send her away, far away, to the ends of Faerun, to another plane, even." This presentation is as silly as the flat earth theory of our world, perhaps more so, because to put it in perspective, if this happened in our world, Gromph basically said something alone the lines of, "take her to the ends of North America, to another dimension, even," when he meant, "take her to the ends of the earth". So, again, there are two possibilities here: one, that Gromph isn't as great as he's made out to seem and actually believes that all of his world is the continent of Faerûn, or two, Salvatore is working very hard to erase the rest of a world that he has no use for. Both possibilities are equally bad.

I think that Salvatore's hubris prevents him from fact-checking, even when it is exceedingly easy for him to do so. Ed Greenwood routinely answers questions from fans about the Realms, only holding back when something is blocked by non-disclosure agreements. Salvatore would be spared that block, and it would be a simple matter for him to just ask Greenwood through the myriad of available instant messaging methods and ask for a quick fact check. It's very evident that he doesn't, however, nor even so much as bother Googling something like "map of Waterdeep", as is evidenced by his incorrect nomenclature of one of the city's wards. Entreri and Dahlia have made their home in the Southern Ward of the city, but Salvatore calls it the "South Ward", despite every map of Waterdeep throughout the editions specifically labeling it as "Southern Ward". Even in the recent D&D module, Waterdeep: Dragon Heist, Volo's Enchiridion notes that, "It is called the Southern Ward, not the South Ward. Waterdhavians are peculiar about this, and if you insist on referring to it as the South Ward, expect to be corrected or thought a fool." I suppose that Salvatore is a fool then, for Dahlia, and most certainly Entreri, wouldn't be foolish enough to erroneously call the area they live in the South Ward, especially since they're performing undercover reconnaissance, which would entail not standing out like a sore thumb as foreigners.

Befuddlement of Earth and Toril

One thing that Salvatore did manage to do better than some Realms authors is that, at least in the past, his dialogue read like speakers in the fantasy world rather than in our world. He's been slipping more and more in the recent books, with Boundless hitting a new low. For instance, Salvatore uses the word "okay", despite it being specifically stated by Ed Greenwood as not existing in Common. The etymology of "okay" is very specific to our world and, just as it's unlikely for Common to have come from Latin, "okay" wouldn't have independently evolved into existence in the Realms. Furthermore, while in Forgotten Realms canon there exist portals connecting different realms in the multiverse, including Earth to Toril, which has allowed for the interchange of language and ideas across worlds, such transmission is rare. Even more unlikely is for an already low probability word making its way into the depths of the Underdark, into a very xenophobic Menzoberranzan, meaning that Jarlaxle actually knowing the word "okay" in past Menzoberranzan is next to impossible. It's lazy writing, Salvatore isn't even trying anymore. The same is true for "salty", which, although is less specific to our world, did come into prominent use in recent times, a fact aligning with Salvatore's usage of it to beg the question of if he's actively trying to dumb down his writing to appeal to a wider audience. 

Unfortunately, Salvatore's regression in staying true to Common isn't limited to individual words. In Boundless, there's a glaring instance of the usage of a phrase that is specific to Earth. Specifically, during one of Entreri's melodramatic monologues, while he ponders all the analogies of death, one of the things he specifically thinks is, "the ring around the rosy". While this isn't an exact replica of a line from a well-known nursery rhyme, knowing Salvatore it was most likely a typo of "rosie" to "rosy". There are several issues with the reference. First, it's evident that Salvatore was referencing the hypothesized morbid nature of the rhyme, when it was believed that it was about the Black Death, with the "ring around the rosie" specifically referring to the swollen red rings around the plague victims' eyes and/or the the black circles that would appear on their bodies. The Black Death is specific to our world, with no indication of anything similar having happened in the Realms. Even if there was a plague similar to the Great Plague, it would be curbed way before it developed into a pandemic in a world with as much magic as exists in the Realms. Thus, it's unlikely that a nursery rhyme would develop, especially as plagues are nasty business, bards and the like would much rather extol heroes and heroic deeds. Second, it'd always been weird that a children's song would be so dark, but it was recently disproven that the rhyme is about the Black Death at all. The plague explanation was one concocted a long time after the appearance of a rhyme with no definite origin, and while a number of different theories exist for the meaning of "ring around the rosie", folklorists pointed out evidence such as the plague explanation not appearing until the mid-twentieth century and the symptoms supposedly described by the rhyme not fitting with those of the Black Death. Perhaps most tellingly, the Black Death interpretation is based on the modern (and usually American English) form of the rhyme, which is not the rhyme's original form. This particular phrase that Salvatore uses demonstrates both a world break and a failure in research. 

Another world break also happens in that same monologue, specifically, when Entreri thinks, "No existence... no existence... that, so I learn too late, my only heaven." Salvatore could've easily avoided this instance by using the word "salvation" or "peace" instead of "heaven". As it is, the concept of heaven is unique to the religions of our world. In the Realms, there is no "heaven", unless one is referring to Mount Celestia. After death, souls go to the realm of the deity they worshiped in life, and if an individual didn't worship a deity, their soul would go to the deity whose portfolio most closely aligns with how they lived their life. Those like Entreri  who reject the worship of any deity would've ended up in the Wall of the Faithless, but even that eternity would've been better than that of the cocoon. Since Entreri is defining his eternal peace as nonexistence now that the cocoon has shown him the potential horrors that await him, the Wall of the Faithless should feel pretty welcoming to him. The Wall is by no means a pleasant fate, for one's soul is eternally mortared into it, but neither is it eternal suffering either. However, there's another world break here in that Salvatore doesn't seem to want to acknowledge the Wall of the Faithless' existence. He'd go so far as to create a nonexistent "demon" that will torment those that it deems evil for eternity. The "demon" could actually not be a demon at all, but its human-faced wasp minions certainly don't seem like the kind of critter that would belong to a goodly creature. 

Self-Inconsistency

A consistent problem that occurs in the Drizzt books is the lack of self-consistency. Salvatore often seems to forget and/or mix up which of his characters have done what. This was better in Timeless, but worsened in Boundless again. One example of this that is also a disregard for the shared world as a whole is, "Dab'nay stirred from her deep slumber". Such a simple statement, yet one forgetting something as fundamental as drow having ebony skin. Elves of the Forgotten Realms, which includes drow, don't typically sleep, unless they are extremely injured. Their equivalent of rest is reverie, which they only need half as much of as creatures needing sleep, and it's a state in which they are perfectly lucid. I suppose elves can choose to sleep, but it's illogical that Dab'nay would do so even as comfortable as she feels in that moment. Dab'nay is relatively safe in her hideout, but fundamentally, she is in Menzoberranzan, in the Underdark after all, and there, no place is truly safe. Unless a drow has a death wish, they wouldn't relinquish the advantage afforded them by reverie unless they had no choice, i.e. when they're seriously wounded, which leads me to conclude that Salvatore simply forgot, yet again, that drow don't sleep. It's really a shame, and also somewhat embarrassing, given that one of his more memorable and evocative lines is, "They sat there under the stars and let the Reverie calm them" (The Two Swords). And that's not taking into account the War of the Spider Queen series that he supposedly oversaw, in which reverie is referenced in a non-insignificant way. 

Another example of self-inconsistency in Boundless is:

This is deserving of a John Stewart baffled look. Drizzt, Jarlaxle and Entreri were allowed to walk free from Quenthel's dungeons, but Zaknafein was never there, not during Quenthel's rule anyway. I suppose we don't actually know where Yvonnel the Second brought Zaknafein back from, it is conceivable that she resurrected him in Quenthel's dungeons. However, this is super unlikely, because Yvonnel had already left Menzoberranzan behind by that point with no intention of looking back. 

Yet another inconsistency in Boundless is Guenhwyvar apparently losing one of her oldest abilities, specifically, her capacity to carry others with her to and from the Astral Plane. This ability initially appeared in the first Drizzt book Salvatore wrote, The Crystal Shard, in which Guenhwyvar whisks Regis away to the safety of her home while the final Cryshal-Tirith crumbles about them. She does this again in The Halfling's Gem, stealing Regis away again right as things were getting hot for him in Pasha Pook's guild. In that same book, she later returns to the Prime Material Plane with other astral panthers to obliterate the wererats in the Thieves' Guild. Just the circumstance of Regis going on a joyride through the Astral Plane not once but twice should've led to Drizzt  learning about this particular special and powerful ability of his wondrous companion. However, if for some strange reason Regis was tight-lipped about both of his extraordinary experiences with the panther, the spectacle of a pack of panthers materializing to help the Companions rout their enemies should've definitely drawn enough notice to inspire some question and investigation. It's simply inconceivable that Drizzt wouldn't be aware of Guenhwyvar's ability to transport passengers to the Astral Plane, unless he were so dense as to not notice, or so oblivious as to not wonder. In Boundless, Drizzt demonstrates himself to be either exceedingly forgetful or exceedingly stupid to not think of this most convenient ability of Guenhwyvar's that may have solved the Retriever issue right away. Of course, since what Salvatore "created" isn't a standard Retriever, it’s possible it gained immunity to most everything and incomprehensible cosmic power, but lost its ability to track and travel to other planes?  Perhaps that’s its form of an "itty bitty living space"? Yet, in increasing Salvatore fashion, this inconvenient fact is conveniently forgotten, as even Drizzt's most trusted companion Guenhwyvar isn't immune to being nerfed so that the golden boy is elevated to new levels. After all, if Guenhwyvar simply took Drizzt to the Astral Plane and lost the Retriever that way, how could Salvatore make Drizzt do that awesome discorporating thing at the end of the novel?

Perhaps the biggest recurring issue in the Drizzt books is the arbitrary impermanence of death. Even putting aside the fact that the Companions of the Hall are immune to permanent death, always finding some way to come back even if it entails a hundred-year time jump imposed by D&D's edition change, Salvatore seems to blatantly ignore that the resurrection mechanic exists in the world. Resurrection magic might be difficult to access in remote villages as well as being prohibitively expensive for the common folk, but Drizzt and the companions are far from common folk. Bruenor is one of the wealthiest people on the continent, and the companions have allies in advanced, magic-rich cities such as Silverymoon. This isn't accounting for the fact that even in their midst, Catti-brie should be more than powerful enough to perform one resurrection a day. Pikel, too, is represented to be very powerful, and while he might not be able to resurrect, reincarnating a lost friend in a different form should certainly be within his magic arsenal. Why is none of that being employed to bring back Ambergris when she was slain in Timeless? Why was it not used when Pwent was killed, which would've had the bonus effect of also curing his vampirism? The fact that even the endlessly resourceful Jarlaxle doesn't have some sort of death-defeating spell on hand, even during the Spellplague era, is a gaping hole of an incongruity that'll never be rectified. Putting that aside, Salvatore treats death even more whimsically than Realms authors who do acknowledge resurrection magic in their books. It really feels like Pwent is revealed as not dead due to popular request, whereas Ambergris is killed off to build drama. Similarly, I question if anyone still draws any tension from any members of the Companions being in "mortal danger". It doesn't matter that Drizzt can't escape the relentless Retriever pursuing him, because we know that he's not going to die in any permanent sense, and that everything will work out all right for him. This is perhaps not something that can be laid at Salatore's feet though, as it is intrinsic to most novel series (at least those not written be George R.R. Martin).

Dungeon Amateur

Another thing that's evident from the Drizzt books is that, despite Salvatore styling himself as a D&D expert, his actual understanding of D&D mechanics is very poor. His stats for Drizzt are so laughably optimized that a properly min-maxed character could easily defeat him in one-on-one combat while being as much as ten levels lower than him. However, Drizzt has the thickest plot armor of possibly any fantasy character, so there's no need for Salvatore to understand the game system that his books borrow from and are based in. Still, it's very cringe-worthy to see, especially as with each new book, Salvatore is flagrantly disregarding D&D even more. For instance, in Boundless, Jarlaxle's bag of holding is described as being able to “hold a roomful of goods”. I suppose this is true if it was a pretty small room or if it's a room full of not very heavy goods, because bags of holding can't exceed a capacity of five hundred pounds, and if we're speaking in terms of pure volume, sixty-four cubic feet is the limit. Based on the way that Jarlaxle is pulling forth pouch after pouch full of gold from that bag of holding though, Salvatore makes it sound like he's got a dragon's hoard stored in that magical container. Gold and treasure is heavy, so if Jarlaxle indeed wanted to fit a roomful of goods in his bag of holding, he surely must stock some lightweight junk amidst all of those coins.

The above example admittedly isn't all that bad, especially when considering that since multi-classing into monk, Drizzt's plot armor thickened exponentially, giving him a bevy of awesome new abilities even though his previous awesomeness meant that he's high enough level such that he should only have one level to spend into monk. In Boundless, it seems as though Salvatore is reassigning Drizzt's levels, perhaps taking out those levels in those ranger abilities he never uses and putting them into monk, or perhaps simply by removing the level cap for him. With his sole level in monk, Drizzt kicks a balor in the head for massive damage, even though that one level would've only granted him proficiency in unarmed strikes, an alternate low amount of damage (d4), or the possibility for an extra attack. Yet Drizzt is kicking that balor for the damage of all of his fighter levels, as well as being able to remove poison from himself, an ability that monks don't even have anything similar to until level ten in the form of poison immunity.

At times, Salvatore seems self-conscious about the world and mechanic breaks he performs, and appears to try to make up for them. However, the way that he does so is clumsy and inspires one to facepalm. For instance, a guard "crumples to the floor as if she had been stomped by a tarrasque" after receiving a strike from Dahlia's nunchaku. The tarrasque is a creature that is unique to the Forgotten Realms, however it is also fifty feet long and seventy feet wide, weighing a whopping value of one hundred and thirty tons. Any medium-sized humanoid, which the guard that Dahlia strikes is, would be little more than a bloody smear even if the tarrasque gently put its foot on them. Yet, the guard didn't die immediately from such a strike, was even groaning afterwards. The vast ridiculousness of the analogy aside, it's very unlikely that the guard would be alive at all, for Dahlia's un-tarrasque-like strike nonetheless was enough to splatter the nearby Regis with "blood, bone, and brain". 

In the same vein as not making sense is:

Since when is "what in the Nine Hells" an old dwarven cliché? As far as I can remember, this is the first time it's mentioned in a Drizzt book, and I don't recall seeing that phrase categorized as such in any other Forgotten Realms novels or sourcebooks. It hardly makes sense to and reeks of poor and lazy worldbuilding, While all "facts" in a fantasy setting are made up, this detail is just so random and doesn't fit with dwarf lore. Dwarven souls can end up in the abyss and Baator (the Nine Hells) as readily as any mortal soul, but dwarves as a race don't mingle with devils as much as, for instance, humans or even elves do. As such, it's unlikely that fear of the hells would come from the dwarves. Besides, Bruenor would certainly know the difference between demons and devils, and would thus know that the lawful evil devils would not be marching aside their hated enemies, the chaotic evil demons besieging Gauntylgrm.

One final piece that makes little sense, a tidbit that breaks both D&D rules and Salvatore's own consistency, is Regis lifting Entreri's cocoon. Regis doesn't drag the cocoon, but actually lifts it, gets it on his shoulders, and carries it across a room. Sure, his legs were shaking, but the feat shouldn't have been possible for him at all. We know from Salvatore's own text via The Sellswords trilogy that Entreri weighs one hundred and fifty pounds. Assuming that's with armor included, although it's unlikely since a man that is five foot five inches tall and as muscular as Entreri is would weigh that fully nude, the cocoon itself should add at least fifty pounds, although more likely much more as it's described as being thick and made of sludge-like material. As a halfling, Regis would weigh around thirty pounds, and from what we've seen, he's more of a dexterity-based character than strength-based. He shouldn't have been able to lift the cocoon at all. 

Utter Nonsense

There are a number of things that aren't just inconsistent with the rest of the shared world, they're not even consistent with our world. A carry-over from Timeless is what was supposed to have been a nightmarish fate left to the priestess who failed, Ash'ala Melarn. The climax of the awful punishment was supposedly "when the maggots hatch in the filthy tub all about [her], that [she] can feel every bite and every squirm over the days as they devoured [her]." As I pointed out in my analysis of Timeless, maggots only eat dead flesh. They don't eat live flesh, which is why they can be employed in medical treatments as a form of biotherapy. Because they specifically target dead tissue, maggots are effective in preventing infection that is promoted by the presence of dead tissue. Thus, unless drow possess the capacity to maintain sensation in dead tissue, Ash'ala wouldn't feel the maggots' bites. It seems that Salvatore just kept compounding his mistake, for in Boundless, we're reminded of how Ash'ala is "being slowly eaten by maggots". I suppose that can be true enough if more and more of her tissue is dying and the maggots move on to consume the newly dead tissue, but it's not really a horrific image because, fundamentally, all dead things are going to be eaten by maggots. I get what Salvatore is trying to go for but if the maggots in their world is the same as ours, it wouldn't work the way that he's describing. 

Another example of something that just doesn't fit in either world appears during one of Entreri's monologues: 

I can't find anything for what "piffy" might mean here. There's an entry in the Urban Dictionary that states that it means "sexy", but that definition hardly fits in this context. There's also an explanation that it's a British saying that means to be conspicuous but left out of an activity, but that hardly fits either. Is this Salvatore's version of Trump's covfefe, or a truly epicly bad spelling of pithy that doesn't really fit either? Perhaps its an attempt to show us that language is "Boundless".

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

The Princess of the Prom (Teen Sam Drake x Reader)

A/N: This was offered to me as my friend's ( @xxgoldenhour) fantasy and I promised her, that this would be the sweetest shit she'll see. Also, you don't have to win prom's tiara to be the queen for me. And it doesn't matter if you're a boy or a girl. You're the king or queen of your Prom night. 

Also, take a note that this is a modern AU. Let's say that it happens today and that Samuel is aged around 19, so that makes Nate a fourteen-year-old boyo and that reader is around 18. 

Description: Y/N and Sam were the best friends of high school, no denying in that. Even tho Samuel's Prom was actually amazing and fun, Y/N doesn't feel good about going on her own.

Mood for this one-shot: Night go slow by Carey Shaw, bcs the video is so good and she just got the vibe of being young, amused and in love. 

It was all set up to be the best evening of her life. No. Not only the best but the best and the most perfect one. That was Samuel's first and last priority - set all up, prepare anything, get sure that there's a backup plan even if an asteroid hit the earth's ground - he managed to make everything she wanted just to make her feel as good as he could.

He told her anything she needed to know about the Prom just to make less nervous; there were those jackasses who brought vodka and tried to make punch an alcoholic drink, there were the couples who will make out the whole evening just to strangely disappear on the toilets together, but nobody pushed her to do any of that typical stuff.

This about her and her mates, who were alongside her the whole time. This was a celebration of them making such a huge step in their lives. He had his year ago, at the same high school and Y/N was there alongside him, and for him, it was the best evening of his life.

But as her prom was coming to play sooner and sooner, she was more and more nervous. He was practically woman's best bridesmaid because he got into preparations really hard and he didn't leave out anything. Her parents found it really sweet of him, but he always said that it's a sure thing for him to do all of that.

He even borrowed a nice black car from one of his friends' dad, planned the route to pick up all of her friends... You know, that boy was probably stressed about this far more than Y/N.

And the evening slowly came. It was a warm, spring-summer night with the vibe of the real summer slowly approaching. He came exactly on time, with a borrowed tuxedo in a protecting barrier put on his shoulder and with a cigarette in his mouth.

His brother was alongside him, drinking an ice tea in a cup bought in a nearby Taco Bell. Samuel didn't want to left him all alone at their place, so he asked Y/N's parents if he and Nate could stay overnight and they didn't seem to have a single problem with that since he was taking so much care about Y/N.

Y/N's brother Zachary was sitting in the armchair on the terrace and playing video games, so Samuel knew that if something, Nathan is not going to be alone. They weren't the best friends exactly, but they were pretty good pals. 

As Samuel knocked on her door, she was already opening it. She looked as gorgeous as ever with a baseball team dres they bought together and in some shorts she wore only at home. Her other best friend, Crystal, was already there and helping her with the preparations; Y/N's hair had some curlers in as Crystal was trying to style her hair into a messy bun and she already had some makeup on; especially the highlight made her face look sharper and he liked how the little crystals in it reflected the light around.

Nathan liked her, she wasn't a person whom he held himself back in front of, so he fist-bumped her with a booming sound. “You look so weird,” Nathan laughed.  Y/N rolled her eyes backward and grinned at Nate as she was turning back to lead them into her room. 

“Well, you are definitely a ladies man, aren't you? I mean, you can make a girl feel so confident with one sentence,” she laughed as she bumped into him, tousling his hair. Nathan leaned from her as he grinned as well.

“I didn't mean that you don't look good, Y/N. I just haven't seen you wearing makeup or whatsoever, like I mean, nevee” Nathan turned his head to Sam with a wicked look. “But Sam seems to like it.” He added and then he said hi to Crystal.

She was sitting in front of a big mirror, braiding her hair into a really complex hairstyle. Crystal's eyes shined like stars when Samuel came to Y/N's room, slowly putting his tuxedo on Y/N's bed. 

Everyone who wasn't blind knew, that Crystal had a thing for Samuel. And it wasn't a single thing. She was straightaway worshiping him like a fucking god. And even tho Y/N was the one whom Samuel could barely exist without, everyone thought that the right choice would be Crystal; she had the longest legs around, big smile full of the whitest teeth and she was blonde, one of the typical Plastic beach girls. 

“Hey, Nate!” Crystal exclaimed in a thrilled and tone. “And hi, Sammy!” She yelled in a seriously high tone and practically jumped into Samuels' arms. Y/N and Sam grinned at each other. To be honest, everyone was expecting Sam to go there with Crystal and yet, he surprised everyone when he told them that he's going with Y/N actually. Crystal was hurt and jealous, yet she couldn't blame Y/N, because they were good friends since they met. Everyone left out a long sigh when Crystal accepted an invitation from a quarterback of the year, Terry Banks, with whom they went on the classes of Literature and Astronomy, where Y/N and Crystal ended up because Y/N loved the stars. 

Sam let her go and gave Y/N a small bag. 

“Oh, what could it be?” Y/N asked in an amused tone as she moved like a cat, dramatizing the whole situation even tho she knew that Sam gave her corsage.

“Can it be the gun which killed John Lennon?” Samuel furrowed as Y/N was about to continue. 

“Or is it a bomb?”

“Or a weapon against vampires?” 

“You're so silly!” Crystal shouted as she snatched the bag, taking the corsage out. It was truly beautiful, made out of lightly rosy roses and baby's breath and some small, wildly green leaves on an elegant black stripe of semis. And of course it matchet Samuel's boutonniere. “Its a corsage. And it's truly... Beautiful.” Crystal said with a tone of being hurt in her voice, giving Y/N the small box. 

Y/N and Sam were all about that weird jokes, theatrics, and fun, just not taking anything too seriously. But a Crystal wasn't the brightest, per se, so she often ruined the magic of the moment.

“It is,” Y/N said quietly as she watched the small thing made from flowers, making them an official Prom couple. Samuel really spent a lot of money to make her evening nice, not like that Y/N's parents weren't paying anything, but the corsage was paid by him. “But you have to go now, we will be getting dressed.” Y/N left the small plastic box on her desk and nudged into his shoulder to make him leave. Sam just raised his hands as if he was showing that they are completely empty and left with an amused grin. 

It took them forever. At least for him. He found himself a bathroom comfortable enough to dress into that tuxedo and even to make himself look like a human and even tho it took him at least twenty minutes, you two were nowhere to be seen. Crystal's laugh could be heard as Y/N said something utterly stupid, as always. He sat on the ground in front of her room, watching his wristwatch and playing with his hair, making it messy again.

The door opened all of a sudden as Y/N was turning her head to Crystal just to say something to her. Samuel was on his feet in a second, playing with his fingers as he watched her. She was beautiful. Breathtaking. He inhaled sharply and his cheeks got rosy as he tried to come it with something to say except 'You're the most gorgeous girl I've ever seen' and 'If we were thirty, I would ask you to marry me', but nothing came up, so he rather shut up and just watched her.

Her hair was really in a curly, loose bun and now, she had long earrings smoothing over her neck. Her dress were tight around her breasts and waist, without nothing on the shoulders, but nicely loosed from around her waist to her ankles. They had baby pink, almost beige colour and so she had brigtly beige high heels on.

She must felt him staring, because she looked at him with a blank expression, making him embarrassed. But she shut up and her smile slowly dissapeared as she watched how tightly the tuxedo hugs his shoulders. When they got that huge? Did he worked out without telling her? And the way the trousers hugged his thighs... She wasn't able to spoke up for about a minute.

"See something you like?" Samuel joked with his face still red and Y/N coughed into her palm to release at least a bit of the nervousness inside of her.

"You look... Utterly disgusting, Samuel." She said in an unsure tone and walked right next to him for something, so her parfume hit his nose. He almost collapsed on the spot. When did his best friend, that ugly monster, turned into a breathtaking woman? Why didn't he noticed that? He was glad that she normally didn't wore make up or girly things, otherwise he would have to compete for her attention with a lot of boys. And that was a thing he didn't like to think about liked in general.

Normally, she would wear a high ponytail and a loose baseball t-shirt with a name of some series, band or a movie reference. She was feminine, but in her own way. Not that princess one, she was feminine in a shy, almost uncatchable one. But Crystal was that Barbie feminine type.

She had long, tight, dark blue gown and she was smiling at him, thinking about things she couldn't say out loud. But Samuel was the center of many of them.

Then he put her the corsage and she put a small rose in the pocket on his breast. She looked at him with their typical grin and almost said something about them being so official that they could marry or something, but she didn't say a word.

Her parents took at least three millions photos of them and another three of them with Crystal and then, only them, they were ready to leave. Y/N mum waved at them from the terrace as they were leaving and Y/N with Crystal waved her back.

Samuel drove slow, because he was worried about that beautiful car which weren't his and they picked up another two classmates - Terry and one of his football friends. They were really loud and Crystal laughed at some remark they had.

"Wow, Bryan, look at Y/N!" Terry exclaimed in an excited tone and Samuel hid a smile into his palm. Y/N smiled as she rotated her eyes in her own manner, laughing nervously.

"Y/N," Bryan took her shoulder in his palm and made her look at him. "I never knew that you are a woman. Samuel, you are a one lucky guy, I tell you. Don't let her off your sight, otherwise it's not my fault." He said and Samuel didn't smiled at it, even tho he normally would. He was dead serious at that moment, watching the read.

"Man, don't be like that!" Bryan yelled, laughing. "I was just joking." He smoothed her shoulder and she started laughing as well, which made Sam smile. They stopped on the school parking lot in about ten minutes. Samuel let everyone get off, Terry taking Crystal inside and Bryan waving at his girlfriend Chelsea. Only Y/N and Sam left there, and she was playing with one of the roses on the corsage Sam gave her. She wasn't feeling like it and he would sense if clearly.

"Alright, miss Grumpy, what's the matter?" Samuel leaned into her personal space, letting his elbow lock around her seat.

"I don't feel comfortable. And I might vomit in a minute." She laughed in a sad manner and Samuel looked at how everyone was slowly walking into that building. If she doesn't want to go, then he'll not push her. He can ride them back to her home, watch some movies with her and then sleep on the couch like many times before. If would not be anything new. He liked those evenings a lot, he didn't see any problem with that.

"Well, if you are about to vomit... Don't do it in the car, please, Davie's dad would murder me," he said and that made her laugh again. Samuel loved, when he could make Y/N laugh, because it was so sincere every time. It was sweet and it made him happy as well.

"Oh, that would ease my life so much," she said in a provocative tone and that made him laugh again. And she laughed as well.

"So you don't wanna go, huh?" He smiled and undid his seatbelt, relaxing on the seat itself.

"So I don't wanna go." Y/N repeated mockingly.

"Then tell me, what do you want to do or where to go. Back home?" Samuel asked quietly as if Samuel called her a psycho.

"No! You think that I dress like Crystal just to watch Friends like this?" She yelled with a smile as she wasn't fully serious. "You are an actual moron!" She undid her seatbelt with a wicked smile. And she got off the car, walking away from the school. Samuel locked the car quickly and runned after her, walking next to her backwards.

"Hi there, monster," he cried and cringe-laughed, when she hit his shoulder roughly as she was making her mad face with her little cheeks pumped with air. He was totally unbelievable, but even though he was a lovely little dork. Samuel was taller than her and even tho, Y/N called him small. "Alright, alright," Sam coughed into his palm as he couldn't stop laughing. "Where are we going?"

"I dunno where are you going, dickhead, but there a Taco Bell restaurant just a five minutes from here. I'm going to eat everything there." Y/N rose her eyebrows and Samuel laughed loudly.

"So you can't watch Friends in your prom dresses because they're too good for that, but they are suitable enough for ravaging Taco Bell?" Sam looked at her from his height and she had face of a serial killer. "You should really sort out your values and priorities." He laughed and that earned him another punch to the shoulder.

So Taco Bell was the place where they ended up in. She got some Quesadillas with chicken and cheese, some chocolate sweets and a cup of tea. Sam, who was paying, of course, got himself a burrito and Coke. They sat there for two hours, talking, laughing, topping each other with puns and jokes. They left around nine in the evening, the sun was just setting low and it made her dress look seriously fairy-taily like. He kept his eyes on her all the time. Just as Bryan told him.

"Where we'll go now?" Sam stretched, but she already going to somewhere. So he only followed.

They ended up in a nearby skatepark - and some girls around sixteen tried Y/N teach, how to skate, even borrowed her their shoes, but she was a lost one. He took so much photos and videos of her, a lot of them ending with him cracking up, laughing. She was terrible, but she didn't fall once, which was great. When they were leaving at ten pm, she didn't even put her heels on, she just walked next to him bare, jumping on and off the pavements, walking through the ice cold grass, sometimes holding his hand not to fall.

"So, how's your prom going?" He asked when they were walking down from the aisle from some trees with white flowers on them.

"Oh, it's great," she smiled at him. "I'm dancing, yelling my lungs out, laughing... I'm kidding," she smiled, jumping on another pavement. "I'm glad that I've spended this evening with you." She smiled shyly and sun was shining low in a lightly orange light so Samuel stopped her.

"Go in the middle of the road." Sam asked her and she was confused, but she did it. Samuel took a few photos of her in the sunlight and one of them immediately became his wallpaper. Then she took a few photos of him an some selfies were a necessary thing. The photos were lovely.

They walked almost through the entire city, nobody hurried up anywhere. It started to get cold by the midnight, so Sam covered her in his suit, lightly touching her fingers with his. She was icy cold.

"Oh dear!" He exclaimed and laughed, bringing her hand to his lips, warming it with the air from his lungs. She was looking her in the eyes the whole time. "You haven't told me that you're Elsa. Not yet," Samuel made a remark about her hand and she shook her head.

"And you haven't told me that you're colourblind," she rolled her eyes, slapping his shoulder. "Elsa is blue. I am almost pink. You dork." She slapped it again and left her hand there, which made the difference. Y/N leaned her head to Samuel's shoulder and left it there for a while, smelling his cologne. And she felt his lips in her hair all of a sudden.

"Samuel?" She asked and looked up. "What are you doing?" She said in disbelief, slowly looking at him. She didn't know what to say or how the fuck she should feel; she should be scared or disgusted? She should be glad? Should she just looked over it? Or what the fuck were his intentions?

"What are you talking about?" Samuel smoothed her forehead with his palm and slowly continued down to her jaw, she continued as far as she let him. And Y/N haven't moved an inch. He felt that she felt good doing that. Her eyes were smiling even tho her face was pale in pure disbelief.

What the fuck should he do? What was he supposed to do? Should he just kiss her or lean back and let her be? Should he tell her about his feelings? About those which he discovered five seconds ago? About the urge to kiss her and make her his by that act? He was confused and taken back.

Y/N was his best friend for years now and he never made anything like that, nor even though about it. Maybe the dress caused it, because it made her look seriously hot.

"I-I mean, if, I, oh, I, can you forget what happened?" Samuel stepped away and awkwardly walked from her. And that made her angry; once he looked like he hasn't seen anything as beautiful as her, and the next he chickened out like a little girl. She started to laugh and that made Samuel stop.

"Why-why are you laughing?" He asked annoyed, but Y/N continued to laugh even more after that.

"I am sincerely sorry. You always told me that you are a womanizer, no, no, no, don't you turn away from me, Samuel, the funny part is coming, but when you get the chance to kiss the girl you actually like and care about, you can't move for shit." Y/N burst out again and that made something in him click completely. In a second, her lips crush onto his and her palmed bumped into his shoulder, because he scared her so much. Samuel's hands clumsily held her waist and smoothing it in a non-ofensive manner; not too up because of her breasts and not too down, because of her ass.

Y/N calmed down after a minute, closed her eyes and leaned into him, circling her hands around his neck. Well, she could feel that she definitely isn't his first kiss, but that was the best part. She found his slicked, but messy hair and played with it gently.

They would probably stood there until the morning, but a car's horn made them jump off the road.

"Alright, cowboy," Y/N smiled and took his hands in hers gently. She touched him feather-like, so gently and lightly. "That was a pretty good first kiss."

"First?" He asked playfully, and that compliment made him smile. "So that doesn't mean it was our last one?" He bumped into her hips with his and she almost fell down; she would fall if Sam wasn't holding her hand so firmly. It didn't hurt, but it was firm.

"No, I don't think it was the last one," she furrowed her eyebrows at him like she was thinking about something. "But this," she pointed at him and then she pointed on her torso. "Will upset some people. You prommed last year, you're like my grandad practically." She laughed into Sam's direction.

"Yeah, I am a gross pedophile, that's right." Sam agreed and slowly took her to their car and they drove right to her home.

It was two am when Y/N was about to go to her bed, her hair let down on her shoulders and her make-up was far gone. Samuel left her room few minutes ago and even tho he called her a monster, his eyes were loving and smiling at her. A notification on her phone popped all of a sudden.

She cracked the knuckles on her palms and looked at the phone. It was her Instagram - Sam posted something and tagged her in. She knew that it is going to be that video where she almost fell off that damned skateboard. Even though that humiliation which was waiting for her, she opened the notification.

And she just stayed completely silent with her cheeks burning, watching her face on the display, she was smiling and she was holding his palm as if she was leading him somewhere. And the caption almost made her cry. There was that day's date and a cute little text.

@allaboutthatdrake: After a few years of waiting, it finally happened! Don't let the friend-zone ruin you, because it doesn't exist. 😉

And that was it. They officially started dating. And her prom night was the best night she ever had.