#but instead of getting to celebrate and compare/contrast these experiences

[martian-martian-martian]

i am begging y’all, trans and cis alike, to stop justifying your gender identity exclusively with archaic gender stereotypes because it ostracizes gendernonconforming people of literally every gender identity.

and before I go on, please know that terfs can suck an entire dick and choke on it. this is not about you and the world would be better if you cryptofascists didnt exist.

if you say you are a guy, you are. end of story.

anyway, im seeing some rough stuff from some of my peers in the queer community and please please i am begging you, be aware of what you are saying.

“as a child i played with trucks and liked wearing pants. later i learned i was trans.” is a fine personal statement to make. important even, spreading awareness is valuable and saves lives.

“if you played with trucks as an afab child, or (more commonly) liked this character or hobby, HMM, CHECK URSELF SWEETIE.” This is bs. I recognize the need to find community among people with similar experiences, but this kind of thinking has its roots in gender stereotype that we are decades past.

Gender roles/stereotypes are NOT gender identity; they can be associated with it, they can inspire it, they are part of it. But they do not define the entire experience of gender.

a young afab child liking trucks or Captain America IS gender nonconforming because standard current societal gender norms are a cishet defined binary.

but it is not any indication of that child’s actual own gender identity.

Two children can both be born afab, both play with trucks and like superheroes and cut their hair short.

One can grow up a cis woman.

One can grow up a trans man.

Neither of their identities were a choice or influenced by ‘nurture’, which is the subtle implication of these harmful statements.

Moreover, someone liking things a trans person likes, and them NOT being trans, doesn’t make the trans person any less trans???

Trans people are not a result of their environment or stimuli, this is conservative ideology and it is BUNK. Period.

Correlation of what trans people grew up with is being mistaken for causation, even WITHIN queer spaces.

One of the great mysteries of life I had to learn personally is that someone could go through the exact same experiences I had in every way; like all the same things, do all the same hobbies… and still be cis and straight. Or be a completely different identity than my own.

Important note: in the past, the concept of ‘girls can be tomboys!’ (or, as terfs constantly tout: girls can just be butch!!) has been actively weaponized against trans people, but the problem is, it is rooted in a fundimental truth. But the important thing to keep in mind is sometimes they’re NOT tomboys, they’re boys, and that is also a real and genuine experience.

Both concepts can be true, and neither experience deserves to be invalidated or seen as incorrect.

As my friend, a fellow nonbinary wlw put it, gender identity is such a complex concept and is as unexplainable as the human condition so any attempt to nail it down will be inherently flawed and subjective.

But fighting the idea of ‘nurture conversion’ of trans people, and the idea of binary gender stereotypes is very important.

[alicefromwhichplanet]

Why Optimus being a good person in upper class/ Megatron being an angry rebellious lower class is a great and meaningful plot

Recently, with TFOne coming out, I’ve learned that the new movie made changes to Optimus and Megatron’s backstories and instead of giving them different backgrounds, like coming from different classes (like in tfp or idw1), they’re put in the same class as colleagues in mines. I’ve already seen people celebrating this as “an innovation/ something new” and an uplifting of Optimus’s character, because as the lower class he gets to rebel, therefore Megatron’s character aura won’t overshadow his. But actually, I am quite disappointed at this change. I think such arrangement is a worse one, not a better one, especially to those who love character depth and realist plots.

First of all, I want to argue that Optimus and Megatron carry every different roles in all transformers shows in general. By this I mean no matter how the plots change, the foundation of their motivations are different—maybe only except for Shattered Glass, where their roles are exchanged. Megatron’s foundation of motivation is: war/chaos. No matter how much his actions are justified, Megatron is still a bad guy, because he sticks to a path of violence and destruction rather than peace and negotiations. In contrast, (I put Megatron first because Optimus’s motivation is clearer if compared with Megatron) Optimus’s underlying logic (the foundation of his character motivation) is: peace/order. No matter how brilliant the battle scenes were, no matter how much he talked about “stopping Megatron at all costs”, Optimus’s final goal is to seek peaceful solution to the conflicts he engaged in, and find a way to resume order. That is also the basic logic of every transformers show, and how the playwrights justify autobots as the good guys, decepticons the bad guys. (This can be easily understood through series that give Megatron and decepticons fully justifiable motivations, like tfp and idw. They started the war because they were angry at the unjust treatments, and became villains because they eventually became a source of ongoing chaos and destruction)

With this premise, it is not difficult to see how brilliant and intelligent it is to put Optimus and Megatron in two different classes. Because people’s thoughts vary with very different experiences. In the past successful shows like tfp, the conflict between Optimus/Megatron is perfectly explained with an idealist/realist contrast.

Being an idealist advocate of freedom and equality is a successful way most Optimus(es) are portrayed. Under this premise, Optimus is basically a good person with strong sense of morality. He is aware of the problems in his system, seeks a change, but because he is from a more “privileged” class, or to say, closer to the power holders, he tends to develop an idealistic view of solving problems with milder approaches: handing in proposals, talking with congress members, or growing his own influence and trying to persuade the congress. In any of these cases, Optimus’s ideas are in line with his background. And like any well-written character, he is limited by what he can see in the class he belongs to.

As we’ve analyzed at the very beginning, Megatron’s characterization mainly revolves around “war and chaos”, one clever way (tfp and idw) playwrights used to make him more than just an evil stage prop is to make him more of a realist, in contrast with Optimus’s idealism. This usually comes with the backstory of Megatron coming from the bottom of the society, rebels with violence against social suppression he could not endure— at the same time, he also has a natural tendency to seek radical solutions. With this disadvantaged background, Megatron’s violent behaviors and refusal of peace are not groundless actions. It is a clever way to reflect the reality and increase plot depth. In my opinion, explaining “why the villain does evil” is the key to a successful story.

Another thing I want to argue is that, I don’t think giving Megatron and decepticons a justifiable backstory is diminishing/ “overshadowing” Optimus’s character. Because as we analyzed above, Megatron and Optimus have different roles to play. One overthrows the old system, the other rebuilds the new system. One raises the question, the other spends more efforts to find a feasible solution. Optimus and Megatron are two sides of the same coin. The depth of Megatron’s motivation actually decides how brave/noble/meaningful Optimus is in the act of “defeating” Megatron. For example, If Megatron’s “evil” is flatly portrayed as a bad-tempered child throwing a tantrum, Optimus’s “act of justice” is merely an older child calming the naughtiest kid in class.

Some believe that “not being able to stand up and rebel against suppression (like idw Megatron did)” made Optimus somehow “uncool” compared to Megatron. But he’s not. In fact, Optimus’s journey is not a bit easier compared to Megatron.

Instead of “suppressed class rebelling when there’s nothing to lose”, Optimus’s growth arc follows the route of a compassionate upper class who can look beyond where he stands for, and resonate with people who’s living under him and away from his life. Compared to Megatron’s “outward rebellion”, Optimus’s rebellion is “inward”: he has to fight himself to reach the higher ground— fighting the urge to step back into his conventional ways of thinking, fighting his self-doubts and inborn modesty to step back from leadership (very well presented in TFA and TFP), and by the end of the war, in most Megop fictions, Optimus has to fight back the urge to continue the war as he is used to, and step forward to “see” and “move” Megatron— understanding him, reaching out to him, loving him. Many people take “fighting on with the villains” as a braver, manly act, but actually stopping the conflict takes more courage and wisdom. And in the long run, it’s always a superior choice.

In short, I still think writing Megatron as the rebellious lower class and Optimus a compassionate upper class is a genius idea beyond comparison. They’re bound to be different, and there’s no harm in creating separate backstories for them. Like I’ve read in an early megop novel that has become a classic: “I’m here to do things you wouldn’t, so that you can do what’s right.” (Megs to OP)

In my own impression, Megatron is a radical revolutionary, and Optimus is an idealist reformer. The two carry different aims and functions in the plots, their values contradict and supplement each other, and so when they’re finally united, sitting down and listening to each other, their unity is incomparable.

[heich0e]

dinner and a show - miya osamu/f!reader (haikyuu!) part 9 in the bff!osamu series tags: angst, childhood friends to pining, mama miya deserves a netflix comedy special or a nobel peace prize, sometimes home is a person and sometimes that person wants you dead, finally a bit of communication i was about to call in UN peace keepers, things r getting FEISTY FROM HERE FYI this chapter is the literary equivalent of the elevator ride at the beginning of the haunted mansion

Mama Miya has always loved variety shows.

For as long as you’ve been coming over to visit the Miya house, if the family matriarch was present, there was a better chance than not that the television in the living room was on and there was some kind of spectacle unfolding on the screen—the louder the better, in her opinion. 

She’d told you once that she just loves the way people laugh on variety shows, so loudly and freely, and that there’s nothing better than the sound of a house filled with laughter—and you know from lived experience that the Miya household had never been one that was short of joy, nor of it’s own chaos, in much the same way as those outrageous shows she loves so much. 

As you grew up, you came to invariably associate that particular type of television show with the woman who had raised you like a second mother; sometimes when you missed her—when you missed home—you’d put one on just to bask in the cacophonous familiarity. But watching a variety show alone in your Osaka apartment pales in comparison to watching them together in the tidy living room of the Miya home, tucked under the kotatsu, sipping tea and eating fruit and occasionally making jokes about which one of the handsome male celebrities joining that week’s episode as a guest would be a better husband—comparing their heights and their jawlines and their variously successful careers in the entertainment business.

But right now, you’re not looking at the dashing star of that new historical drama who’s trying to climb up a rock wall against a ticking clock.

Instead, you’re looking at Miya Osamu who is standing in the doorway to the living room of his family home, and he looks like he’s just seen a ghost.

Though, in his defence, you probably don’t look much better.

Cradled in your palm, your satsuma rests unmoving—frozen in place just like the rest of you. It’s half-peeled to reveal the soft, pale orange flesh hidden beneath the pith, but you barely feel the weight of it as it rests forgotten in your outstretched palm. The scent—the one that just moments prior you’d been remarking was so fresh, so bright—seems duller now. Everything that isn’t Osamu seems to slip away to grayscale and to background noise; unremarkable against the stark contrast of his painfully familiar face.

Neither of you even blink. 

Miya-san had just gone to the market to pick up a few things for dinner, after repeatedly insisting that you stay for a meal and eventually wearing you down. She’d left you in the living room watching TV, promising to make her trip to the store a quick one, and otherwise ignored your offers to join her.

She was supposed to be coming back soon, at any minute really, but suddenly you’re poised to flee. Everything in your blood is telling you, urging you, to run as quickly as you can—to preserve whatever tattered shreds of your sanity remain after the past six weeks of hell.

The six weeks that had felt more like a year. A war. A lifetime.

The six weeks that had seen you finally seek refuge in Hyogo under the guise of housesitting for your parents, who had gone travelling abroad—as convenient an excuse as any to escape Osaka and the troubles that plagued you there.

Little did you know that the troubles would have the same idea as you.

Your eyes flicker momentarily in the direction of the rear door of the Miya home, the one that leads out into the backyard—the yard that backs onto a little wooded grove where you used to play as children, running carefree and wild. The grove where you used to take naps in the shade on sticky summer days. The grove where you had once broken your arm. It’s foolish, you know, to even think about leaving; your shoes and coat are at the door, with only slippers on your feet and a thin sweater on your frame. Your own childhood home may be only a few houses down and around a corner from the one where you currently find yourself, a five minute walk at most even if your pace is leisurely, but dashing out the back door and making a break for it would be inadvisable—not least of all because there is a woman due home at any moment, one who has loved and raised you like one of her own, who is expecting you to be here when she returns. A woman who wants to share a meal with you and hear about your life. A woman who doesn’t know why you had come crawling back to Hyogo. 

A woman blissfully unaware of how much unresolved tension is currently polluting every inch of her living room.

Your conscience is already heavy to begin with. You’d avoided Mama Miya for the past week—having faked a cold for a few days to buy yourself some time alone when you first got to town. She’d called you every day to check in, and she brought you homemade soup and medicine more than once. The very least that you owe her is a proper visit. You can’t possibly leave now.

Osamu’s lips part, his eyes—his deep, infuriatingly kind eyes—meeting yours.

“Ma doesn’t know I’m in town,” he says, and the first sound of his voice feels like a knife between your ribs. “I can go and come back later after… after you’re gone.”

He knows, you realize. He’s watched and understood every terrible thought that has raced through your mind since the moment he entered the room play out plainly across your face. You’ve always loved that about Osamu—how you hardly need to say anything at all in his company, and he still understands your mind and feelings just by reading the lines of your features.

Now it makes you feel sort of sick.

You mull his words over belatedly, having been too shocked to digest them in the moment at which they were spoken. Slowly you nod, the slightest little dip of your chin signifying your agreement to his offer. Accepting, tenuously but decidedly, his olive branch.

He seems to deflate slightly, a flash of hurt behind his eyes.

But it’s all too late, anyway.

“Samu?” Miya-san’s voice rings out through the house, incredulous but noticeably thrilled, the sound of the front door closing punctuating the eager call like a question mark. You hear rapid footsteps and the woman appears a moment later with a wide smile on her pretty face. “What’re you doin’ here?” 

She sets her shopping bags down on the floor at her feet, wrapping her son up tightly in her arms and rocking him back and forth. You watch as Osamu smiles against the crown of his mother’s head—a gentle, peaceful look on his face as his eyes flutter shut—and you avert your gaze, because witnessing the tender moment is strangely and inexplicably painful.

“Just wanted to come home for a visit,” he murmurs, and it takes everything in you not to dwell too long on the way his figure towers over his mother in your peripheral vision—tall and broad and strong now, just the way she raised him.

“Did you two plan this?” the matriarch asks. She looks between the two of you as she finally pulls away from her son’s embrace, though her palms still gently rest upon his forearms.

“Nah,” Osamu laughs lightly, and to his credit he’s doing a very good job at acting like just being in the same room as you is not one of the most hideously uncomfortable moments of his life. “I had no idea she was gonna be here.”

“You didn’t tell him?” Osamu’s mother questions you, visibly surprised. And she’s right to sound so shocked, because if this was any other day—or at least any day that didn’t follow what had transpired between the two of you six weeks ago—Osamu would have been the first person you’d have told you were coming home. Would have been kept up to date, nearly to the minute, with any stop you made in your hometown or any variety show adventures you embarked upon with his mother. Would have known exactly what the two of you were having for dinner, how it was being prepared, and he would have received a photo of the meal when it was finally time to eat just to make him jealous (and because you know he likes to feel included on the visits where he isn't able to join you.)

“Oh, he knew I came home for the week,” you lie quickly, meeting Osamu’s gaze and suddenly hoping above all else that your thoughts are as clear to him as ever. He looks more startled by the sound of your voice than you expect him to. “Just didn’t know I’d be here today, since I stopped by so last minute.”

Osamu swallows, then nods. “Yeah.”

Mama Miya smiles and clasps her hands together. “Well, this is such a nice surprise! Tsumu’s not hidin’ somewhere waitin’ to scare me, is he?”

“’S just us, Ma,” Osamu laughs lightly, and she reaches up to pinch his cheek affectionately. You don’t miss the way his eyes flicker over to you when his mother turns her back.

You’re still holding your satsuma in your hand, but you no longer have the faintest desire to eat it.

“Needa hand with those?” you hear Osamu ask his mother as she picks her shopping bags up from the ground. You hear some rustling, and can only assume she’s elbowed him based on the way he yelps and then laughs. “Ow! I’m just tryin’ to help!”

“Ya hardly just got here yourself, bag’s still at yer feet and everythin'!” his mother chides him, but it’s full to the brim with love. “Just sit down and relax for five minutes, will ya? Yer lookin’ dead tired.”

His mother waves him over insistently in the direction of the kotatsu where you’re seated before she shuffles off towards the kitchen, the plastic bags in her hands swishing as she goes.

His mother is right: Osamu looks, without softening your words, haggard. He’s got shadowy rings under his bleary eyes, his skin looks dull, and his hair still has a faint ring indented around the circumference of his head from his trademark baseball cap. He looks like he did when he first set up his business—tired, stressed, wearing a little thin at the edges from the portrait of his usual self.

You wonder if you look the same in his eyes.

Mama Miya had remarked similarly on your own appearance when you showed up at her door earlier that afternoon, but you at least had the falsified alibi of having been recently ill to hide behind.

Osamu is watching you from the doorway, still hesitating to move any closer—like a man who stumbled upon a beast in the wild, and is equally parts fascinated and petrified.

You look away.

“Sit down,” you tell him, your voice quiet and slightly cold as you stare at the orange in your hands. “She’s gonna think something’s wrong.”

Something is wrong, you both know that truth all too well, but the last thing you want is for her to know that. This entire situation between the two of you is already bad enough without the shame of other people knowing. Without his mother, of all people, knowing.

Osamu nods, and then approaches the kotatsu slowly. When he lowers himself down to the floor, he takes the seat opposite you at the small square table instead of beside you like he normally would. Something in that contrast stings a little bit, though you’re certain you’d be more upset if he was any closer than he already is—you’re suddenly exceedingly conscious of the possibility of your legs brushing underneath the table, and it makes you shift nervously, drawing your limbs as close and compact to your body as you can.

Osamu is so still on the other side of the table that it’s almost uncanny. Statuesque in a way that might make you laugh if this whole mess wasn’t so harrowing, if the wound wasn’t still so fresh. You’re not even sure he’s breathing.

“Just… be normal,” you whisper, finally setting your forsaken orange down and reaching up to rub at your temples where you feel the beginnings of a tension headache thrumming beneath the skin. You sigh, long and drawn-out. “I don’t want her to worry.”

He nods again.

The television show continues to play on across the screen beside you both, and while your eyes may be on the screen, you doubt either of you are paying much attention to it. You roll your half-peeled orange from one hand to the other idly across the tabletop, occasionally picking away at the skin.

Mama Miya appears with more plates of fruit not long after, having taken time to cut them up for you both even though she’s already busy preparing a meal in kitchen—the sounds of sizzling and her knife against the chopping board having filtered down to the living room while she worked.

“Sure ya don’t need any help in there, Ma?” Osamu asks, peering up at his mother as she cranes down to set a plate of apple slices in front of him.

“I fed you and yer brother just fine for 18 years, didn’t I? I know how to make a meal,” she jokes, returning to her full height and wiping her damp hands on the front of her apron. She glances over at you, smiling knowingly as she rests her hands on her hips. “Besides, ya haven’t seen this little thing all week—I’m surprised you two aren’t hangin’ off each other like ya usually do.”

Your eyes meet her youngest son’s, and you both quickly look away.

You can’t help but wonder if the woman before you suspects something then, even if she doesn’t say anything and in spite of your careful attempt to conceal it. But with two boys like hers, her sense of perception has long been honed to a fine art—she knows when trouble is brewing long before it strikes—and it wouldn’t surprise you in the slightest to learn that she’d known something was off even before that small slip-up. Maybe she’d known from the moment you’d shown up at her door that afternoon. Maybe she knew the second she heard from your mother that you were coming back to Hyogo.

Dinner is awkward. 

Maybe not overtly—there aren’t prolonged silences, or tense stares across the table, or any real moments of palpable discomfort—but it’s a careful balancing act between you and Osamu pretending to be up to date with each other’s lives, and neither of you navigate the steps particularly gracefully. You mention one of Osamu’s employees, asking how they are and what they’ve been up to at the shop since you’ve been home in Hyogo, only for Osamu to “remind you” that they had moved up to Sendai to go to school earlier that month. He mentions a project you were tasked with at work, and you awkwardly stumble when you explain that it had changed hands a few weeks prior. He didn’t know you were “sick”, you didn’t know he’d gotten a glowing review from a notoriously harsh food critic. Neither of you even try to mention Atsumu in fear of getting the wires of your falsified stories crossed. 

You try to keep quiet as much as you can, after that. You sit back in your chair, picking at your food and contenting yourself with watching the Miyas chatter away across the table before you.

Osamu and his mother eat the same. You’ve noticed it before, but now you have time to really dwell on the observation. They hold their chopsticks in the same slightly peculiar way, just a bit too far forward to seem comfortable. They pile food on their plates in the same order. They even occasionally reach to sip from their glasses at the same time.

How familiar it all is makes your chest feel achy like a bruise, because there’s an undercurrent of something being just slightly off. You’ve sat at this same dining room table a hundred times, shared meals just like this one too frequently to count them, but this time something feels different. 

Fortunately there’s plenty to drink to accompany dinner, and the alcohol helps balm the sting.

Mama Miya is pouring you another glass of sake when she asks, “So are you two drivin’ back to Osaka together tomorrow?” 

Osamu freezes with his chopsticks lifted half-way to his mouth, and the two of you share a glance from opposing sides of the table, trying to telepathically draft some kind of cover story. You had already told her that you were planning on heading back to the city tomorrow around noon, but you have no idea what Osamu’s plans are.

“Not sure yet,” Osamu says eventually, wiping at his mouth between bites of food. “We were plannin’ to play it by ear. I thought about stayin’ till tomorrow night since I made plans to visit Kita-san in the morning.”

Mama Miya accepts this lie easily, and the conversation continues on.

You resent how easy it is to slip into routine with Osamu. It’s been six long, terrible weeks since you last laid eyes on him, but soon you find yourselves finishing each other’s sentences, passing condiments across the table before even being asked for them, and filling each other’s glasses when they’re empty without thinking. It all comes back to you like second nature.

Because it is, maybe.

“Ya need a haircut Samu,” the woman at the head of the table says, her words a little slurred and her cheeks blazing bright pink thanks to the sake. Mama Miya loves to drink, but can’t hold her liquor for anything—it’s always reminded you of Atsumu.

“Do I?” her son reaches up and ruffles his hair absentmindedly, leaning back in his chair. “Got it under my cap so much I don’t really notice.”

His mother is right: Osamu’s hair is longer than he usually lets it get, as he tends to keep it short and easy to manage now that he’s working at the shop. It hasn’t been this long since you were in high school, and there’s a little tendril of dark hair that curls right beside his ear that you find you can’t stop staring at.

“Maybe I’ll buzz it all off,” Osamu finally says with a shrug.

You and his mother both make similar sounds of disgust.

“You and yer brother are my flesh and my blood, and I love ya more than anything,”—Mama Miya rests a hand across her chest dramatically, her expression somber—“but I’m telling ya right now yer heads were not shaped to sport buzzcuts.”

You can’t help but laugh into your hand at the impassioned remark.

“What about letting that little thing at ya again with a pair of scissors?” the woman beside you juts a thumb in your direction as she questions her son.

“Not a chance,” Osamu snorts, glancing fleetingly over to you.

You’d once cut gum out of Osamu's hair when you were both nine—a gift courtesy of Atsumu—and to the best of your recollection, you did pretty well for someone who wasn’t even tall enough to ride most of the attractions at amusement parks.

“I did a great job,” you gripe huffily as his slight.

“My hair was lopsided,” Osamu reminds you pointedly.

“Maybe I was going for something avant-garde, something high-fashion.” You roll your eyes as you reach for another piece of meat from the dish at the centre of the table—pinching it in two with your chopsticks and placing the other half onto his plate without thinking. “Guess I'm asking too much for a guy who wears that same baseball cap and cycles between three t-shirts day in-day out to understand my vision.”

Mama Miya cackles at the jibe, tipping her glass back to drain it. “Oh, you two crack me up.”

Osamu smiles a little, picking up the piece of meat you’d just given to him and popping it wordlessly into his mouth.

When dinner is done and the plate are cleared, Osamu washes the dishes and you dry them—assuming the roles you two have long claimed after sharing countless meals together. You work side by side at the sink in quiet, with just the clink of dinnerware, the sloshing of dishwater, and the sound of Mama Miya laughing along to a variety show in the other room to be heard between you.

She’s had enough sake now that you aren’t as worried about her picking up on things, so you can let the facade drop slightly—you can just exist in an uncomfortable quiet without fretting so much. 

You’re not sure which is worse: the pretend ease, or the very real discomfort.

“I’m gonna head out now,” you call to the woman laying on the sofa as you poke your head through the doorway to living room, all the dishes from dinner now dried and put away. Osamu shuffles past you to take a seat beside his mother on the sofa.

She stares at him like he’s grown a second head as he settles down next to her, her lips parting as her eyes remained glued to him.

“Aren’t ya walkin’ her home?” she asks, bewildered.

As kids, neither you nor the twins had been particularly concerned with walks home—or anything remotely close to etiquette. The three of you would stand at the corner half-way between your homes, exchange a few parting words and maybe an insult or two, and then go your separate ways—only to repeat it all again the next day. But that changed in your early teens, rather unexpectedly really, and the twins have never ever let you walk home alone since. 

It wasn’t always both of them accompanying you—sometimes it was just one or the other—but one of the two always made the walk alongside you, no matter how short it was, or how late it had gotten, or if the weather was unpleasant. One of the boys always followed all the way to your door and waited until they knew you made it inside, without fail. At first you found this strange development overbearing, and then humiliating when you found out that their mother had told them it was something they had to do, but over time you found that you were grateful for it. 

You grew up in a very safe neighbourhood. You never felt any real danger making the short walk on your own. But doing it with the twins’ company made made you feel cared for, protected almost—even before you knew about all the terrible things out there in the world that made women need escorts home in the first place.

Osamu is quiet at your side as the two of you shuffle along towards the corner where your streets meet. He stands nearest to the roadway, with his hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket and his eyes on his feet. It’s the very same path the two of you have walked a thousand times in just the same way, no doubt your feet falling into the exact parts of the pavement they’ve already tread before. But the walk home has never felt like this. The two of you have never been so unsettled in each others’ company.

You stop when you reach the corner, your feet cementing themselves into place as solidly as the ground beneath them.

“This is far enough.”

Osamu stops, already half a step closer to your house than you are since he hadn’t anticipated your sudden halt. He looks at you, a furrow making itself known between his brow like your words aren’t quite registering in his brain. He’s never walked you just halfway before, and maybe that’s why he’s hesitating.

You blink hard a few times, then move to step past him and leave, already making plans to take an earlier train back tomorrow just to avoid running into him again. Your little neighbourhood is much smaller than Osaka, and Osamu’s presence is too loud here to ignore.

But you’re glad, at least distantly, that you made it through the evening relatively unscathed. Tender and bruised, certainly. But the wounds you’ve been trying so carefully to mend over the past six weeks seem, largely, to have stayed knitted closed.

You can see your house from the street corner as you step towards it, the windows dark and waiting for you. You’re looking forward to scrubbing the day from your skin and then crawling into bed, hoping you can forget all about—

“I’m sorry.”

Your body goes stiff, and your feet—without any conscious command—stop carrying you forward. You stand with your back to him, your shoulders rigid like raised hackles, but you know Osamu is still there.

Still watching.

Still waiting.

Your teeth bite down hard into the flesh of your cheek.

You muster every shred of resolve that you can, and weave the iron of your will into your throat to make sure your next words ring firm. “Osamu—“

“No, I need to say this,” he interrupts you before you manage to say anything at all, and he sounds desperate. “It’s all I’ve been thinkin’ about fer weeks.”

You’re angry. Furious, suddenly. A white hot rage boiling up in your throat that tastes bitter and revolting and wipes away any lingering trace of sake on your tongue. All Osamu has been doing lately is whatever the hell he wants, and it’s really starting to piss you off.

You just want to go home. You just want to throw the meagre amount of belongings you’d carted to your parent’s house with you into your suitcase, hastily dump too much water into your mother’s houseplants to hopefully get them through the weekend, and then get the hell out of Hyogo.

You don’t want to be here.

You don’t want to hear this.

“I know I’m bein' selfish. I know that all of this is because of how selfish I’ve been. What I did that night wasn’t fair.”

You’re listening to him in spite of yourself. In spite of the fury ringing in your ears. In spite of the pain in your gut that feels like stitches tearing.

“I know what I did was fucked up. That it… That I ruined somethin’. That even if you can forgive me, everythin’ will always be a bit different now because of what I did—and I am genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, sorry for that.”

You find yourself softening. Or maybe wilting slightly—withering under the warmth of his words. 

“But I’m not sorry fer how I feel,” Osamu’s soft words sound remorseful only because he isn’t in the way that matters most to you. “I can’t be. I tried ‘n I can’t.”

You feel yourself shaking your head, intimating the dissent you feel but can’t bring yourself to voice. Your feet are still stuck, keeping you there. Trapped by your body against your own conscious will. You’re so nauseated you think you might be sick.

Osamu sucks in a breath that shakes on the inhale. “I’ve loved you my whole life, y’know that? I don’t even know what it feels like not to, so callin’ it that doesn’t even feel right most days,”—there’s a waver in his voice that cuts through you like a blade—“And maybe it used to be different, or maybe it’s always fuckin’ been like this, but I have been a god damn mess for the past six weeks tryin’ to think of a way that I can do this without you and I came up with nothin’, because there’s not a single part of me or my life that isn’t the way that it is because you’ve always been there.”

You’re choking. You’re choking now. You can’t swallow. You can’t breathe. Your throat is a vice that you can’t pry open, that you can force neither air nor words through when you need to. Your heart is lodged, firm and unmoving and worn raw, in the hollow of your throat.

You finally turn to look at him, but your sight is blurring at the edges.

His face is so pale that part of you—the part that has cared for him for as long as you've cared about anything—worries he might faint. His expression so grave he looks like he’s in the throes of mourning. It’s unfair that grief colours him this way. That even in this moment, under the buzzing streetlight, with the world shifting underfoot, that he should still be so handsome. That he should still look like your Samu.

“I know that this is a shitty situation that I caused. But I couldn’t do it anymore. I needed you to know how I felt—how I feel—because it was eatin’ me alive. And even without Tsumu’s party it would have happened eventually. Maybe it woulda happened better, or maybe it woulda happened worse, but it still woulda happened—because no matter how I went about it or what I’m fucking up by sayin’ it, it’s true.” Osamu squeezes his eyes shut tightly, swallows, and then opens them again to fix you in his stare. “I’m in love with you and I always have been.”

“I lost you both, Samu,” your voice is quiet and brittle when you finally find it in the knot of your throat and let it free. “I know that’s partly my fault, but I just couldn’t look at Tsumu and not see you. It hurt too much. Suddenly the two most important people in my life just weren’t there anymore. That’s not fair.”

Because this is bigger than just the two of you. It always has been.

“I’m sorry,” Osamu says to you, but his words are so faint they risk being lost in the cool evening breeze.

“Please stop apologizing to me,” the only reply you can bring yourself to utter reflects every bit of your exhaustion—your voice is flat and lifeless when you speak the words.

The two of you stand there on the street corner, the half-way point between your childhood homes, and it’s so impossibly quiet.

“I don’t know where we go from here,” you say as you pull your coat a little bit tighter around your frame, and for the first time all night it feels like the only time you’ve been truly honest.

Osamu looks at you, and if you sort through all the emotions in his eyes, you know you see the same feeling reflected back in his stare.

On Sunday evening, Osamu makes his way back to Osaka alone, and the house you grew up in is dark and empty when he passes it. As he drives back to the city, he can’t quite shake the feeling that neither of them—not Hyogo, not Osaka, nothing and nowhere in between—feel quite like home to him the same way that they used to.

[homestuckreplay]

john's movies GOOD?!?!

Homestuck is 1 month old today! Sadly we didn't get an update to celebrate, but there's still so much to puzzle over with Sburb that I'm okay with it. Plus I watched Contact last night, and I'm canceling the narrator for claiming that John likes 'really terrible movies' because this movie kicks so much ass. I don't care if John only likes it because he thinks Matthew McConnaughey is pretty, this rules, I want to stop here and watch this one six more times.

In this movie, we get a cool scientist who's really good at her job and could easily have a successful career, turn away from that to focus on a fringe project searching for aliens, despite constant criticism and loss of funding. Eventually she succeeds, proves that aliens are real like it's no big deal, and is recognized by her work enough to be the first human sent to greet alien life. Only, since she can't prove that she actually met aliens or even left the planet, scientific opinion turns against her once more, despite her certainty that the contact did happen.

Now if we extrapolate this to John and Sburb, we could see a similar arc. He and TT are probably going to have some weird ass experiences playing this game. Something we don't know yet is how the game reacts to non-players - 'You just hope he doesn't notice the MAGIC CHEST on the roof' (p.143) is the only nod we get. What if the environment is only changed for the players, and the changes simply don't exist for Dad? What if they're technically living in different versions of the same house now, and John has to try and prove that TT is actually changing his environment? That could make for a weird story that deals a lot with object interactions, the same way the early pages did.

This movie's primary theme is science vs religion and faith vs proof, and the situations in which those aren't so different. I think we're already seeing this in Homestuck via the chumhandles, with John and TT being connected to science ('biologist' and 'therapist' respectively) while TG and GG are associated with faith ('godhead' and 'gnostic'). Maybe we'll get to see TG and GG play Sburb together and have a completely different gameplay experience to John's with TT, and we'll be able to compare and contrast the ways that they alter their environment.

I know family is a really common theme in movies, so I'm curious. If you randomly selected any five movies from, say, 1985-2000, what are the chances that parent-child relationships would be a driving plot force in all five? How meaningful is it that this keeps reoccurring? And from which Egbert's perspective do we see Ellie's relationship with her dad from? Is this John wishing he was like Ellie, and that his dad encouraged his interests more instead of trying to force clowns and cakes onto him? Or is this Dad trying to let John know that he does support him, that he'll get John movie posters and help him buy memorabilia for his friends and participate in John's love of pranks?

I am going to be so john egbertcoded and get a poster of this movie for my room too.

VIES WATCHED: 5/11

MOST RECENT MOVIE: Contact (1997) - Rating 9/10

[mvneaten]

౨ৎ ₊˚﹒✶ JANUARY 15TH MARKED PRIM’S 26th birthday. to celebrate the milestone, the idol had an industry wide birthday party, choosing to spend her special day beachside at doellette’s very own exclusive OPULENCE RESORT. given the expensive location and expansive guest list, it was compared to a red carpet event rather than a ‘small get together’ — as primrose had labelled it. the all exclusive party had the presence of press, with professional photographers also present to capture pictures of the night, filled with dinner, dancing and music.

the idols in attendance included prim and the rest of social suicide, darling mine’s doe, heyday’s elias and gyujin, soloists kaori and jang-mi ( @sug4rsweet &&. @rosesnthornz), venus’ bliss (@venusvity), lunarix’s navi (@mediadollz), allume’s jamie (@alllume), krush’s kaleina and aeri (@urmykrushhh), rule of rose’s darling and janelle (@bludthirst), merveille’s anais and dove (@story6ook), hashtag’s yoora and yeonhee (@hshtag), starcrush’s sunday and star (@stariified), plastic flowers’ serin (@plasticflwrs), lucid’s suyin (@dr3amluc1d) &&. lucky’s han and hiro (@lvcky0ne).

౨ৎ ₊˚﹒✶ THE LOOKBOOK !

—— the theme for event was white glam, with prim showing up in a pearl skirt and corset she had custom made for the night. guests were to enter via a white carpet, in contrast to red, to further fit the theme. nana’s outfit was a simple white dress with a large jacket and fur boots, along with a fur purse. bae instead opted for something more chic, wearing a white dress with a fur edge that extended towards the back. fans got a first look at the girls’ outfits for the night on prim’s official instagram, where she posted the three of them with the caption ‘🤍🤍’.

౨ৎ ₊˚﹒✶ THE PHOTOBOOK !

—— prim spent most of night taking photos of the event, taking selfies with the others in attendance and just trying to capture every moment of the night. her story, along with the stories of nana and bae, were filled with photos from the night. the most notable post was of nana the the rest of the party together on the white carpet, captioned ‘this night was so special because of all of you <;3’

౨ৎ ₊˚﹒✶ THE EVENT !

—— the night was highlighted by it’s dinner, with a range of courses on offer for those in attendance to enjoy, accompanied by music and dancing. taking place in opulence’s ballroom, the party also had access to the beach behind them, watching the sun set as they all shared cocktails before the official party started. some snuck away to swim, while others instead opted to stay inside and enjoy the ambience. regardless of how guests chose to spend it, it was a fun night for all involved. towards the end, bae gave a toast for the birthday girl, wishing her “a life full of love and laughs.”

౨ৎ ₊˚﹒✶ HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SHARE ?

if you were in attendance of the party that night, share the experience with the tag #primsbbb !! feel free to share your outfits, photos, and anything interesting that may have happened at the party ! everyone who was there will also receive an exclusive press interview – so keep an eye on your ask boxes !

[insomooniac]

my understanding of kinn anakinn theerapanyakul

it's no surprise a lot of people don't like kinn. he's what we would describe as a rich asshole. and while i personally think that the execution of how kinn is supposed to be portrayed could've been more, i sort of get what they were trying to show us.

anakinn is bad at being the mafia. why? simple. because he hates it. the only reason why he even does it is because of the manipulating hold his father has on him. he has nowhere else to go and nothing else to do. he can't go to tankhun because he doesn't know how to deal with his older brother's eclectic-ness and, i believe, was traumatized seeing tankhun become what he is now no matter how fabulous he is. he can't go to kimhan because of their strained relationship; his younger brother rarely even visiting the compound as he deals with his own traumas. he can't go to vegas because of the rivalry their fathers have raised them to have, and while he does have friends in tae and time, their backgrounds are too similar, rather than giving him an escape from the mafia life, they give him companionship and comfort instead.

this is when porsche comes in. he gets to experience and get time off from being the heir of his father's crime-dom. even with porsche unwillingly getting involved with the business, they get stranded in the forest which is the only time in a long time that he's been away, they sneak out on dates, they celebrate porsche's birthday, he got to meet new acquaintances through porsche; kinn finally found something else to do rather than look over files and worry when someone else plans to put a bullet in his head.

porsche is a huge reason why kinn is unliked by a lot, most of it due to episode four. i have rewatched that scene over and over again and listened to gaywatch's love scene breakdown on it, which i do recommend you go watch it, and i sort of see where kinn is coming from.

quick disclaimer: before you send me death threats, i am not condoning rape or any dubious consent. i understand what consensual non-consent is and this isn't it.

i do believe kinn did not mean any harm to porsche. that is the main take away here. he never means porsche any harm. even looking at his body language, the way his eyes look, his fist clenching, the constant breathing in to calm himself down, his main goal was just to get porsche clean, dressed, and off to bed because he doesn't know that porsche even remembers their kiss on the pier until porsche says so. the moment porsche absentmindedly admits he remembers the kiss after teasing kinn, kinn sees it as porsche also admitting to liking him.

should he still have done it? no. while porsche did start to like him and did want to sleep with him, i do agree that kinn shouldn't have made any moves onto porsche being out of his mind and having been drugged, but then again, being raised in the environment he is in, i can't be surprised that he did what he did.

another reason to why kinn is heavily disliked is his lack of communication with porsche, which is the part that i feel is so overlooked by so many viewers. when tawan returns, kinn doesn't even attempt to tell porsche his plans before or after imprisoning him. that part is what is overlooked. again, kinn means well, he doesn't mean porsche any harm, but he doesn't execute well. why? because that's what his dad does, that is what he was taught to do. make decisions without consulting anyone and without anyone questioning why you've made that decision.

that leads me to contrast and compare him and vegas. in psychology, we are taught of the stereotypes of the different forms of abuse, and it is prominent in how his and vegas's abuse are portrayed in the series.

while kinn and vegas are both victims of their fathers' abuse, their forms are different. with vegas, khan is verbally and physically violent. vegas gets slapped, punched, gets told he's worthless, and isn't deserving of being khan's son. with kinn, korn doesn't beat him up, instead is verbally and emotionally manipulative. in episode 5, kinn is called to join his father in a game of chess in which korn reminds kinn of what happens when he starts to trust people easily and lose sight of what is important, casually saying, "like what happened before" which is a reference to tawan's betrayal. he disregards kinn's ideas and opinions, though kinn was right when he said that these things are happening to porche because he got involved with their family.

since kinn wants to be a good son, what does he do? he punishes porsche to show his father that he is still in control and that he does not show any favoritism from his bodyguards even though korn never explicitly said to punish porsche, also showing how much of a hold he has over kinn and if questioned, he can deny ever planting that idea onto kinn because he never actually said it.

so, again, while i do believe they could've done more in different parts in the series, whether it was intentional or not, shining more light on vegas's pain from his father in contrast to kinn's turned out to be perfect because that is how it usually is with physical abuse versus emotional abuse.

vegas' trauma is obvious because it's corporeal, kinn's gets overlooked because he gets manipulated by words. unlike kinn and his brothers, vegas and macau are close because of the corporeal abuse from their father, and this is probably what has made them closer as vegas does khan's bidding to protect macau, whereas kinn and his brothers only drift apart because of their father's words.

while khun is the oldest, he is mostly childlike since he was so young when he was kidnapped, and while also wisest of the three, attached to their father as he was the first victim of korn's manipulation before he was unfit to be the heir. kinn is the middle child and carries all of what was supposed to be his older brother's responsibility, becoming the main target of manipulation, and isolated from most kinds of relationships by his father. kim is the youngest and probably the one who has seen what has become of his older brothers and resents their father for what he has turned them into, which made him decide to leave.

khun isolates himself with his bodyguards to watch dramas, kinn isolates himself from everyone and everything to make their father proud, and kim isolates himself from their home because he believes that to truly know what their father has done, he has to see the bigger picture from the outside looking in.

in comparison, vegas and kinn are similar in a way. khan is violent towards vegas therefore vegas's go-to approach is violence. korn is manipulative towards kinn therefore kinn is more accustomed to manipulating others.

my understanding of kinn is that he is a person with a lot of trauma & pain (from his mother passing away, tawan's betrayal, and his little brother leaving, not being able to pursue his passion) but he has yet to discover the present trauma that he is experiencing, which is his father. i do believe that once kinn eventually realizes and accepts that what korn does is not out of love but out of greed, it's going to be a completely different anakinn that deserves his character arc to be shown, and it's just a shame that we will never get to see it because the possibilities are endless. imagine him and vegas working together, that is my biggest wish (them heading the theerapanyakul empire? omg), him and his brothers finally being brothers again, him learning to be a little brother to khun and an older brother to kim, and most importantly, him using his father's tactics against him. i believe the cruelest way to defeat korn is for his heir to use his own chess moves against him while working together with the son of his rival.

in conclusion, kinn is the product of his father's emotional manipulation--he is the perfect puppet. you can hate kinn all you want, i understand why you do. i just hope people understand where he is coming from rather than automatically blaming him for everything wrong that happened.

-------------(✿◕‿◕✿)

notes:

i wrote this in the comments but i find it too funny. kinn makes me want to grab him by his hair & smash his head, repeatedly, against concrete, but also wrap him in bubble wrap & kiss his forehead goodnight :((

@kinyeee made an excellent point (thank u for ur input btw) that vegas's verbal abuse from khan wasn't just how "he was not worthy of being his son" but also emotional manipulation. that is how vegas learned & used it to manipulate tawan, porsche, and all (if i'm not mistaken) of kinn's previous lovers (i think that's in the novel? idk. i refuse to read the novels). that also adds to my point of the contrast and similarities that both of them have. it makes me wonder how powerful they could truly be if korn & khan just worked together. they really fumbled.

some of kinn's wrongdoings are his own. episode 4? naur. i want to say this again. i can see his point of view but i am not condoning it. other shit he's done, i can "forgive" to some extent. episode 4? hell no. while the apology in episode 6 with him & porsche in the ravine reflects how morally grey he is & how morally grey porsche was becoming. when that episode was released, i needed more than that...which we will never get to see now that kinnporsche is over. and, again, disliking kinn is up to you. i understand & support that. how i feel about kinn is how i feel about vegas. that's the main reason why i wrote this highlighting some of their contrasts and comparison.

another great point is that the viewers weren't meant to forgive kinn, that's something only porsche was to do, and i think it adds to the morally grey aspect of it all, and that kinn (vegas, kim, pete, etc.) isn't someone we should expect to even have "perfect" morals. even if kinn & vegas were to settle their differences, it doesn't change the fact that they are still mafias.

[transamorousnetwork]

The Hidden Life Of Trans Attraction Revealed In Daring “Baby Reindeer”

Baby Reindeer is an amazing show. The Netflix Limited Series tells a true story of an aspiring comedian and trans-attracted Britisher who makes his way through his extreme (this is film making after all) self-loathing, which lives alongside an equally sensitive emotional state.

And while events that unfold in the series are intense and in some cases hard to watch (and well depicted) they ring accurate for me, both as a Transamorous person and as someone who assists trans-attracted men with casting off their self-loathing and embracing who and what they are.

In this post, I want to share experiences I’ve heard from my clients. I want to compare them to what happens in Baby Reindeer and celebrate this show as an awesome milestone, one many in the trans community have been hoping for for years.

Fiction based on truth

First, let’s get this on the record: Baby Reindeer is HIGHLY FICTIONALIZED. It’s also dark, gritty and intense. That said, I find it an extremely accurate portrayal of trans-attracted men. How can I claim that?

Because I’ve talked with many trans-attracted men. I’ve also assisted such men get over their self-hatred, accept themselves and find peace with what they are. I’m also transamorous myself.

Many of us share similar characteristics. Chief among those: either an intense self-hatred or shame. We also share extremely fine-tuned emotional sensitivity. I believe that’s because we are a blend of both male and female energies, just as many trans women are. Nearly all the men I’ve spoken to or work with try first making a relationship work with cis women. Those nearly always end in break ups or divorce, leaving the men lonely, alone and having to face head-on their trans attraction. Finally, at least some of the men at one time or another contemplated ending it all before they turned their self-hatred or shame into acceptance.

Donny, the main character in Baby Reindeer, experiences all of these characteristics. If you’ve seen the show, then, you know Donny hates himself in the extreme. But his emotional sensitivity equals his self-hatred. This explains why Donny ends up enabling Martha, the stalker. He can’t bear seeing her pain. So he reacts to her in welcoming ways. The resonance he feels mirrors Martha’s self-loathing. And hers mirrors his. In other words, they’re a perfect match.

Donny also fails at romance with his cis girlfriend although they remain close friends afterwards. Donny doesn’t try killing himself, but his sexual rampage after getting raped very much reflects suicidal sentiment. He acknowledges this in the series.

Donny’s story may be fictionalized, but parts of it ring true for many trans-attracted men.

^^Baby Reindeer is number one on Netflix. (From Nava Mau's instagram.)

Rings true for me too…

My experience mirrors some of this too. Though “hating myself” would have been an over exaggeration, I did find myself in fairly intense feelings of shame. But that shame didn’t keep me from acting out on my trans attraction, late at night in bars, through personal ads and dating sites and in random encounters.

Like Donny, I too am emotionally sensitive. These days I’d call it “intuitive”. It makes me great at what I do for clients. My feminine energy is quite pronounced too. When expressing myself to those with keen gaydar, I’m often mistaken as gay (instead of queer). 

Can you see how that last part might cause trans-attracted men to double down on their shame? Trans-attracted men are not homosexual. But being mistaken as one can cause a guy to feel really confused…which is what happened to Donny by the way. 

Relationships with cis gender women litter my history too. Not all were horrible. But all fizzled. Looking back it’s no wonder. Especially when contrasted with how it feels being with a trans woman.

Thankfully killing myself never entered the picture. Even back then, I knew I had more to do calling me. Nevertheless, it’s clear to me that my trans attraction created situations trying to get my attention. Thank goodness I listened. This blog would not exist without me having heard their call.

A supportive trans woman is gold

It’s clear then that many trans-attracted men find themselves wracked by shame. Shame plus fear create a potent cocktail. It will literally cause these men to hide in the shadows. And, since many trans women consider these men the bane of their existence, these men, like Donny, end up suffering alone.

What’s interesting: the moment Donny confesses to himself and others all he’s been hiding, that hidden life evaporates. His freedom becomes pronounced. Trans-attracted men don’t need trans women to support them. But it sure makes the coming out easier. Which is exactly what happened in Baby Reindeer when Teri showed up.

Donny meets Teri through a trans dating site. She’s the breath of sanity and fresh air in the entire series. Played extraordinarily well by trans woman Nava Mau, the character both supports and challenges Donny. In my opinion, her support goes to the extreme. I won’t spoil the story. You should watch it.

The point is, a lesson exists in the Teri character for trans women. Even though Donny doesn’t use Teri’s support to move through his shame, and eventually loses her, that needn’t be the outcome of every potential cis-trans relationship. Indeed, as I’ve written before, I know many long-term relationships between trans-attracted/transamorous men and their transgender lovers.

I encourage trans women that if they want a man, they might want to help a trans-attracted man overcome his shame. It’s not an easy task. Some men can move through the process easier than others. But ultimately, as with Teri, the choice is the trans woman’s. Not every girl’s up for that.

Revealing and soothing

Baby Reindeer offers so much illumination on the subject of trans attraction. I don’t think Richard Gadd, the show’s creator, intended it to be about trans attraction per se. The show mainly focuses on Donny’s downward spiral, which ultimately ends with upliftment, all at the hands of an intense, long-term stalking episode. Still, so many things about trans attraction get revealed in this show, I’d say it’s a must watch for anyone wanting to understand a not-well-understood phenomena happening around and within the transgender community.

More than that, watching the series can do two really powerful things. One, it can soothe the really strong aversion many trans women have about such men, through giving them a sense of emotional understanding for what these men go through. Two, it can help the men better understand and accept themselves. And all that happens in a show that is beautiful, clever, surprising and, yes, revealing.

Go watch it.

[deafcruz]

Loneliness amongst those who are deaf / hard of hearing is not easily overcome often in hearing families.

Often hearing folks themselves will not learn sign language, and instead focus on the deaf/HoH people in learning the native language and putting them in speech therapy.

Deaf and HoH people rely on reading facial expressions and eye contact in conversing. Without eye contact, it is significantly harder to converse as the reading of lips alone is insufficient to get information on emotions. At times, the rejection of eye contact could also be due to frustration or annoyance with conversing with a deaf/HoH person, which makes the individual feel guilty (contributes to depression and anxiety)

Deaf community when they go to hearing gatherings, they will feel left out. When they want to feel included in the celebrations and understand what is going on, they are faced with hearing family members not explaining stuff to them or getting told that they'll be told later, which never ends up happening, as they end up forgetting.

Deaf people may worry about mishearing what others are saying to them and/or feel guilty about misunderstandings due to miscommunication.

The ‘deaf person nod’ is a common habit deaf people slip into usually when they aren’t comfortable with asking for clarification. It may seem like the deaf person is nodding along like they totally get you, when the individual has absolutely no clue what you’re on about — this is because the deaf person feels guilty for being annoying when they constantly get others to repeat themselves when they do not understand (eventually stop asking because of someone's annoyed reaction)

Deaf / HoH people are very frequently being left out of conversations amongst hearing folks.

it always feels uncomfortable to them because they feel it never expresses their feelings. Deaf /HoH people often may seem cold to their families or other people, despite not being as such in reality. They are often undeservedly called selfish, narcissistic and self absorbed.

The insecurity can lead the deaf/HoH person to experience paranoia and believe that others are talking about them, especially when they repeatedly experience embarrassment and discomfort from social situations. To make matters worse, individuals tend to start skipping social events like birthday parties, dinners, holiday gatherings, and other events where large groups of people gather in noisy settings (on to isolation and loneliness)

The mental exhaustion from dealing with such social situations can cause them to simply give up. It often find deaf people sitting in the corner at these events, unable to socialise with others, wondering when they’d be able to leave.

They may also feel like an outlier within their own families and social groups - it becoming an observer in life rather than an active participant.

The internal struggle and inability to connect to emotions results in themselves having lower empathy for other people's situations, as well as a lower self esteem. Standing up for rights and speaking up would be a much tougher journey for them.

This also contributes to deaf people being scared to ask people for help.

Deaf children from deaf families are comparatively more confident in expressing their emotions and thoughts, and are unafraid in standing up for their rights.

This is in contrast to deaf children from families who have no hearing issues, who tend to hold back their feelings and not express well, even to the point of being understood as an unemotional person.

Other deaf people like me often talk a lot with themselves. They constantly deal with societal isolation and feel more comfortable talking to themselves than talking to someone who won’t understand them.

Comparing this to deaf families who are more open with their feelings and expressions. They often understand each other better.

Deaf families have CODA ( Children of Deaf Adults) and deaf families always put them equally, the deaf and those hearing. They communicate in both of their languages, spoken and sign language because deaf /HoH adults often do have experienced language deprivation.

Coda ( children of deaf adults ) referred to hearing children with their deaf parents

Deaf families with CODA gone to speech therapy and watch television with closed captioning on as it gave them access to venues of entertainment comparable to hearing families.

Deaf and HOH people are likelier to have mental issues than those who can hear. They have to deal with casual ableism (both intentional and unintentional), feeling left out , lack of equal access to things and people’s unwillingness to talk to deaf people when they say they've never seen or interacted with one before. Often, they have to see people run away from them when they learn of their deafness.

Dealing with such stuff day in and day out, along with the already many struggles one has to face by the virtue of being deaf in a world of majority hearing folks can get very frustrating for even the most patient of people. It can be a lonely existence for most.

[weditchthemap]

The Surge in Revenge Travel Among Americans

The surge in revenge travel among Americans

Have you heard of ‘revenge travel’? You may have taken part in the trend without even realizing it. The term cropped up in 2022, yet 2023 is set to see the term escalate further, with people seeking out more new adventures. Here’s a deep dive into what revenge travel looks like and the traveling patterns that are emerging off the back of it.

What is revenge travel?

In a nutshell, revenge travel refers to the surge of jet-setters going on holiday to another state or beyond. It comes off the back of the pandemic travel restrictions easing. Previously, people were a little more reluctant to go traveling when we were slowly creeping out of lockdown measures, with some places operating stricter rules than others.

By this point, now that measures are much less restrictive, people just want to let loose and jet off somewhere amazing. Plans are less likely to be canceled, so people are going all out. On top of this, those who haven’t traveled for a long while will be more tempted to splash out on a dream vacation – and we don’t blame them.

Why we are wanting to see more of the world

VistaJet, a private aviation company whose fleet includes the bombardier global 7500, has seen an increase in bookings. Figures for the first half of January 2023 alone saw a huge increase of 85% year-on-year and an increase of 140% compared to 2021. Is this setting the tone for what is to come in 2023? We suspect so.

Matteo Atti, VistaJet’s Chief Marketing Officer expands on the trends seen. "It’s time to celebrate our freedom to travel the world and make unimaginable and unforgettable memories. While 2022 was the year in which global travel became possible again, 2023 is the year in which Members are planning incredible getaways with friends, family, or even solo adventures."

Further findings showed that 2022 brought in a record growth of 50% in flight revenues, with clients lusting after bespoke experiences and unforgettable getaways.

“Following a rush of travel post-pandemic, to reactivate business and relationship links, we now expect clients to be more selective, placing high value on fulfilling experiences that fuel their thirst for fun, knowledge and personal growth in 2023.”

Clearly, those who are vaccinated are wanting to get as much from their travel experiences as possible.

Destinations we are adding to the bucket list

But which destinations are people most eager to visit? According to Forbes, a lot of traveling is domestic, with people remaining within the United States, but there are clear patterns of the types of locations chosen.

It appears that many of us what to get out in nature. Stats show that following the pandemic in 2021, mountain and lake destinations experienced a 44% increase in visitors, while coastal destinations and resorts saw a 42% increase across America. By contrast, urban city demand is down, with people favoring smaller towns or rural destinations instead.

These stats are likely to be even higher today, with the travel bug spreading fast across the population now that even more COVID-19 travel restrictions have come to an end. Are you part of the revenge traveling collective with plans to go all out this year? Let us know in the comments below!

[hellredsky]

Let’s talk about Oscar’s noms!

It’s that time of the year when we all remember that movies exist and some are nominated for the Oscars. For me, it’s the time when I rush to try to watch every movie nominated, think I haven’t watched enough movies, just to face the truth that I actually watched a lot of them but forgot. The Oscars haven’t been so focused on prizing movies lately, they are more about the cringe and controversy, and it makes me sad a little bit. In the last few years, important movies and achievements have been obscured by stupid celebrity controversy that is just for rating or who knows at this point. So I think my best way to actually express what I feel about movies (besides ranting the entire show while only having like 2 options to vote to, cause I didn’t watch the rest), is to talk about them in written or video form. 

 Ok, let’s talk about movies! 

I will keep this movie talk short and sweet, cause I will avoid spoilers and I just want to write how I feel about these films. 

 Starting with “All Quiet in the Western Front”, a German and US movie also nominated for best international movie, directed by Edward Berger, is a very raw look at war and how can destroy your spirit in seconds. I really loved the way it portrayed the ingenuity of the young soldiers at the beginning, compared with them at the end. No spoilers, but the end is so good in my opinion cause I thought it won’t go to the extreme point I was thinking about, and it did. It surprised me by the end. A little bit slow, but well crafted.  6/10. 

Next on my list is “The Banshees of Inisherin”, directed by Martin McDonagh, it is my option for best picture, but I’m sure it’s not going to win. The movie is a bizarre tale of two friends who fade out of friendship in an abrupt and strange way. There is a full video essay by Ryan Hollinger analyzing this movie, who I really loved as a take and way to interpret the movie and some of its characters. For me, the movie was a ride and show me strong and stubborn characters with their own struggles and justifications for why all this went that way. I have no idea how much I can say without spoiling the experience, but the performances and characterization are the core of the movie. 7/10. 

Next, “Everything, Everywhere, All at Once”, directed by the Daniels. Strong and amazing movie. For sure the top 2 choices to win the Oscar. It is a very well-crafted movie, using intriguing visuals and editing bits to communicate what it wants to show the audience. It doesn’t shy to the silliness and still uses it as a solid point for the main core message of the movie. For sure my favorite monologue involves a cliff and rocks. It is a ride, it is emotional under all the sci-fi multiverse weirdness. Just so good and fun. 8/10 

The last of the best picture nominees that I watched is “Top Gun: Maverick”, directed by Joseph Kosinski. I didn’t vibe with it. At all. I was expecting to know more about the newcomers, seeing more of how they bond as a team and how the mentor steps aside to actually help the new leader shine and guide everyone. Instead, it was a lot of nostalgia (which I don’t feel about Top Gun), recreations of iconic scenes, 2 great editing scenes, good sound mixing, and Tom Cruise running (which made me laugh, don’t ask why). I barely understood their motivations and actions, contrasted with how they showed to be. It was like the script was contradicting itself to get to the “cool” scenes, but not involving the characters in their totality.  One comment I got was that it was an amazing experience in theaters and just looking at the cool stuff and the cool bodies(?), which is fine. But for me, it lacked weight and I expected to push the new crew forward and I barely even met them. 4/10.

The other movies I want to talk about are the animation category. I watched 3 of the 5 nominated to this category and, as much as I know which one is going to win, it will be a really good surprise if my option got the award instead. 

 Let’s start with the obvious one: “Turning Red” by Disney studios. We all know it, it’s Disney. What else we could say? Well, a lot actually. Turning Red is a very solid movie in general. It happens to be animation, which is a great medium to tell this cool story cause it uses its visual media and malleable storytelling to express how characters perceive the world and portray the message in a interesting and fantastic way. Not gonna lie, I’m biased cause I was a kid in the 90s-00s when this movie is pulling their visuals and references, and it touched my inner kid’s soul. But it has a great message for future generations and is also a great piece to help millennials, like me, to heal a bunch of unsaid things. 6.5/10 

Next is “Sea Beast”, a Netflix joint. This movie has cool concept art and I’m pretty sure there is lore here that wasn’t used in the movie I’m sad about it cause the visuals of the world are very rich. But the story only allowed them to show so little and never compromised on distinguishing their characters from other similar characters in similar journeys. In the end, it was very predictable and its message was too on the nose. 5/10.

Last in this category is “Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio”, also a Netflix production and my choice for a winner. I went to this movie knowing a lot about Pinocchio, about the original story, about all its adaptations, and, obviously, the comparation with the disney one (the true one). This movie is gritty and extreme at times. Cause it is animation as a medium, not as an “only for kids” or “less category” film. The movie shows raw emotions and scenes about war and experiences of exploitation, duty, and what means to be good in the end. It is sad and has a bittersweet ending, like many of Del Toro’s movies, and it also challenges the media with great stop-motion animation. The design of most things is just THE BEST I’ve seen in a while. The designs of the blue fairy are just a delight. 8/10.

And that’s it for now I guess. I’ve watched other movies that weren’t nominated but were part of other awards, and there are some I wanted to watch that I couldn’t do before the ceremony. In any case, I’m happy that I’m back writing about movies and will try to do more often. I will not make this blog only for movies and tv shows rants and reviews, but those are one of my favorite things to watch and talk about, so bare with me. Let me know which movies did you watch and if you are watching the Oscars too. I would love to read your takes on all of these films and more. 

Read you later!

[thedesirecompany]

The Vampire Effect, Celebrities, and How to Market Your Products with Experts

Using celebrities to market your product seems like it would be a great way to build interest. Celebrities can use their star power, much like influencers, to draw in a wide audience. But do celebrity endorsements really build interest in your product or give consumers more reason to trust your brand? Or should you take a different route when partnering with a complete product education platform that also acts as a promotional video production company to enhance your marketing strategy? Here’s everything you need to know.

Are Celebrities Authorities for Marketing Products? There are plenty of recent examples of brands making a massive marketing push, complete with teasers, in a celebrity collaboration to promote their products. The teasers don’t fully reveal the product and brand, fueling speculation. It’s an attempt to boost brand recognition and drive sales based on the celebrity’s name. Is it effective? Sure, a celebrity is known for their own personal achievements. But that doesn’t necessarily translate to the quality of the products they endorse. This is especially true if they can’t talk about the features, benefits, or even how to use it. Celebrities may be able to draw in an audience, but they aren’t experts in your industry. What Is the Vampire Effect? In marketing, the vampire effect refers to a celebrity stealing the spotlight during a commercial or other advertising effort. The vampire effect decreases brand recall when using a celebrity endorser compared to using an unknown but equally engaging endorser. In short, the celebrity overshadows the brand. While potential consumers may remember a commercial with a celebrity, they may not remember the product or brand the celebrity was endorsing. This is counterproductive, as the key to good advertising is for consumers to remember the product and brand, not the spokesperson. For this reason, simply relying on the star power of a celebrity alone to sell your product can often have the opposite of the intended effect. Using Experts Instead, your brand should partner with a full product education platform that offers the abilities of explainer video companies. This platform can help team your product up with an expert in the field, such as a chef for kitchenware products. These experts already know how to use your product as part of their job every day. Unlike celebrities or influencers, they can speak with authority about your product. Their experience qualifies them to give a credible review, even comparing and contrasting your products with competitors’ offerings. They can share first-hand examples and use cases, educating consumers with tips and tricks they’ve learned from real-world experience. Building Consumer Trust Finding the right product education platform with all the capabilities of an explainer video production company means building consumer trust through authentic video content. That doesn’t mean you have to ignore celebrities and influencers entirely. Pairing their star power and reach with the credibility of an expert means you get the best of both worlds. It’s an excellent strategy that can extend brand awareness while also educating consumers and building trust for your brand. About The Desire Company One of the keys to establishing authentic brand loyalty is building trust with consumers. It’s essential for thriving in the digital marketplace. From the FTC crackdown on fake reviews to the #deinfluencing trend, it’s clear that consumers value honest advice and real feedback more than ever. The Desire Company can help your brand level up from the usual product recommendations from celebrities, paid influencers, and pseudo-experts. The Desire Company is so much more than a standard video production company or creative agency. They’re a complete product education platform, combining content strategy, video embed technology, expert vetting and matching with their vast Pro Community, and media distribution. Partnering with The Desire Company means you get to tap into the vast knowledge of industry experts. The result? Stronger consumer confidence that drives conversions. Learn how you can educate consumers and build trust with The Desire Company at https://brands.thedesirecompany.com Original Source: https://bit.ly/3vbQhzi

[squideo]

The Best Animated Christmas Adverts of All Time

We love a Christmas advert in Britain. Whenever the latest John Lewis or Marks & Spencer Christmas advert is released it makes news headlines. The public takes to the internet to compare it to adverts of past and rank which advert has been the best tear-jerker so far.

At Squideo, our favourite Christmas ads are the animated variety. We love to see what other animation companies are experimenting with, which pop culture characters are in the public consciousness, and what audiences are responding to. We’re ranking our ten favourite animated Christmas adverts (to date). Let us know if we missed your pick!

10 Best Animated Christmas Adverts

10. It’s a Wonderful Flight | Heathrow Airport 2017

Combining live-action and CGI, the iconic Heathrow Bears sold at Heathrow Airport take centre stage in this advert. On a series of Christmas Eve flights, a family of Heathrow Bears grows over the years in a video which promotes the staff of Heathrow Airport who work throughout the Christmas holiday as well as this classic souvenir.

09. Paddington & The Christmas Visitor | Marks and Spencer 2017

Released in the same year as Paddington 2, Marks and Spencer took advantage of the film’s publicity by making this special bear the star of their Christmas advert. The video subtly places M&S products throughout, but it is Ben Whishaw who is the star of this advert along with Mark Benton and a cameo from Angela Ripon. M&S rarely hold back on the celebrity guest stars in their adverts, but it is the touching scene at the end of this advert that truly makes it memorable.

08. A Comfy Carol | DFS 2020

Wallace and Gromit have been popular characters since they first graced the screen in 1989, and DFS must have known they had a safe bet when they approached Aardman Animation to make their Christmas advert. The product placement – a warm and comfortable couch – only appears at the very end of the video, with much of the advert dedicated to Wallace’s typical eccentricities and Gromit’s usual exasperation.

07. Northern Lights | Coca Cola 1993

The Coca Cola polar bears have been a popular mascot used by the company since 1993, often appearing in their advertising in the run up to Christmas. This simple advert departed from the brand’s usual live-action human-centric videos and used state-of-the-art computer animation. The ad was so popular that even Coca Cola’s competitors Pepsi got in on the action, eventually releasing their own polar bear advert. Who knew bears loved soft drinks so much?

06. Inner Child | McDonald’s 2020

Made in support of FareShare UK, this 3D animated McDonald’s advert doesn’t rely on characters from famous franchises. Instead it creates its own original characters, a mother and a son whose relationship is strengthened over a McDonald’s happy meal. Animation is cleverly used to show the son’s growing distance, contrasted with his inner child who longs to participate in all the Christmas traditions. Joining McDonald’s existing #ReindeerReady campaign, it ends with them setting out McDonald’s provided carrot sticks in wait of Santa’s arrival.

05. Get More Out Of Giving | Very 2019

Another yearly campaign, Very’s Get More Out Of Giving promotes community and kindness during the Christmas holidays. In 2019, Very used 3D animation to create a neighbourhood coming together to create a gift for one of the residents. Very has used the same street of houses in previous adverts and takes advantage of the existing character development to advance the story. Using Very branding in the form of a glowing pink present, it is a subtle advert without any product placement that effectively pulls on the heartstrings.

04. Father Christmas to the Rescue | Barbour 2020

Using the beloved animation of Raymond Briggs’ Father Christmas, this advert was inspired by a real incident which is credited at the end of the video. After the family dog rips an heirloom Barbour jacket, Father Christmas is called upon to mend it. The advert signposts the repair services Barbour offer, rather than promoting buying a new replacement. It’s a sweet story, but the best part is seeing Briggs’ characters brought to life yet again.

03. Mog’s Christmas Calamity | Sainsbury’s 2015

Prepare for the advert guaranteed to bring tears to Scrooge’s eyes. Narrated by author Judith Kerr, the original creator of Mog who also cameos in the video, this live-action and 3D animation advert was accompanied by a Sainsbury-exclusive book and plush toy with proceeds going to Save the Children. Mog gets up to his usual antics, and the Thomas’ home catches fire – destroying the downstairs living area in a moment which brings the fun calamity to a sobering moment. Quickly the neighbourhood rallies around the family, cleaning up the house and sharing their Christmas. It’s an emotional rollercoaster which instantly became a Christmas advert classic.

02. The Stepdad | Disney 2021

Part of Disney’s From Our Family to Yours campaign, the company continues its support of Make-A-Wish International through sales of the video’s original song performed by Gregory Porter. The second advert to follow this growing family, the titular stepdad struggles to find his place in the household but fortunately the love he and his step kids share for Disney comes to the rescue. From watching original Disney programming, reading Disney books and building a Disney-inspired gingerbread house, there’s no shortage of product placement in this advert. And yet, despite this, it keeps the characters central and creates a heartwarming story.

01. The Bear and the Hare | John Lewis 2013

Combining 2D and stop-motion animation, this was the video that started John Lewis’ reign as the Christmas advert titan. Using Lily Allen’s cover of Somewhere Only We Know, the single became a UK number one hit and the video has over 54 million views on YouTube. Every John Lewis advert since is compared to The Bear and the Hare. From its beautifully animated characters to the simplicity of the story, there was no other advert in the running for our number one spot.

Create Your Own Animated Video

Did your favourite animated Christmas advert make the list? Why not get started on an animated video of your own. Get in touch with us to find out more!

[anuj1985]

stop comparing yourself to others

In this day and age, where everybody is via web-based entertainment, it is extremely difficult to not be refreshed on what every other person in your group of friends is doing. Certain individuals are celebrating on a yacht while others are occupied with pigging out in the most costly eateries. I know the majority of you are glad for other people and their occurrence life, yet where it counts in your psyche, a feeling of correlation is sullying your contemplations. Furthermore, where it counts, you realize that it's anything but a sound propensity to contrast yourself with others as it removes your tranquility and joy. So how to stop comparing yourself to others? 

What are examples of comparing yourself to others

To figure out how to quit contrasting yourself with others, you ought to comprehend how correlations happen.

1.         You accept that any remaining individuals are fortunate. Also, it implies we accept that we are conceived unfortunate. What's more, at whatever point you witness any shamefulness and others didn't experience something very similar, you accept that they are more fortunate than you. Yet, it isn't accurate. Everybody has their own destiny and life to manage. You never realize the others imagine that you are more fortunate than them. When you understand how favored you will be, you will break this correlation trap.

2.         You accept that any remaining individuals are more effective. However, you fail to remember that these individuals may ostensibly find success and that achievement is a perspective. For some achievement implies riches, and for others it implies satisfaction. Indeed, certain individuals are wonder and are best in what they do, and you are not one of them. Acknowledge it and continue on.

So now let us check out how to stop comparing yourself to others?

1.         Embrace your blemish

In this period of virtual entertainment, circumventing making comparisons is unthinkable. What's more, everybody needs to show their ideal self via web-based entertainment. However, comprehend that online entertainment isn't reality. Recognize that nobody is great, and we are not as well. Regardless of how cleaned your companions show up on their virtual entertainment feed, truly no record is a genuine impression of their real achievement. When you understand this, you will quit contrasting yourself with others.

2.         Find your inner strength

You ought to quit requesting that how quit contrasting yourself with others and track down your own inward strength. Quit looking outside for motivation and direction from others via web-based entertainment and on second thought, look inside. When you begin glimpsing inside, you will track down your interior strength and confidence.

So the thought is to track down your own assets, work upon them, and wonderful them. It will assist you with bringing an end to the propensity for making examinations. Furthermore, it will make you more successful in your present.

So don't be sincerely feeble by submitting to examination pressure. Instead, turn around the table and turn your weak mindset into a stronger one. 

3.         Find importance in your life

One more method for getting out from under this propensity for contrasting yourself with others is to discover some significance in your life that is bigger than your monetary or proficient achievement. For instance, you can begin working for the reason for mankind, such as working for the climate. It will give you timeless harmony and will loan you the vital reason in life to anticipate. When you do it, you won't set aside opportunity for social examinations. Regardless of whether you look at your online entertainment feed, you will be glad for individuals as you have an alternate life reason to really focus on.

You ought to embrace positive ways of finding and construct importance in your life. At the point when you reward life, in type of chipping in or good cause, life will give you back happiness and harmony.

4.         Be truly glad for individuals

The alternate method for halting contrasting yourself with others is to be truly glad for individuals. When you begin being glad for individuals, they will respond something similar and energy will enter your life. It will likewise loan you certainty as you can be glad for individuals without being compromised by their prosperity. When you celebrate individuals and their achievements, you wipe out the need to contrast yourself as well as other people.

Eventually, assuming you invest quality energy with yourself and your family, you will get out from under this propensity for contrasting yourself with others. It is on the grounds that you will track down your own nirvana and joy.

[hatboyproject]

EDI & Intimacy

I've been imagining conversations between Shepard & EDI for this mod, since by necessity, some of the characterisation for her gets straight up removed. I want Shepard to talk with EDI about romance and personhood, but I want to recontextualise the discussion to focus on EDI's personhood as separate and distinct from that of humanity.

It's always bothered me about that character that, in a galaxy populated by numerous forms of intelligent life, she appears so utterly fixated on figuring out who she is through the lens of becoming more "human," and the way that's explored is through ushering her into experiencing romantic intimacy as if that is the ultimate thing that defines people. The unspoken understanding is that romantic love is the ultimate way to be a person, and... I'm not so hot on that idea... Die-hard romantic as I am.

Mass Effect's Milky Way is a place that has been forced to learn and internalise the idea that personhood and humanity are not mutually exclusive. In ME, you can be a complete, entire person and never have even met a human, let alone be one. In fact, statistically, that's likely. Humans are but a recent fraction of a millennias old culture. Certainly as well, even on the human-run ship that is the Normandy, it's typically populated with a rich diaspora of other peoples. Other examples of persons.

My point is, there are so many ways to be alive. Even among people, the ways in which we pursue happiness - and what that means to us - is impossible to distill. Add to that an entire ream of alien races, and the potential perspectives you get really are limitless.

Intimacy is a useful thing to hinge our identities on. But, there are so many ways of being intimate with one another. Speaking personally, I have an unfortunate pattern in my life of having confused sexuality for intimacy at one time or another, and this has led me to some not great places, sometimes. Romantic love and sexuality is only an expression of intimacy - and only one form of it, at that.

Right now, we live in a culture that is struggling to come to terms with differences between us in ways that are respectful and make sense. I was raised with the idea of bonding with others on the basis of what we share in common. I believe in that. However, maybe the things we share in common sometimes require a little closer examination. Maybe we can use what we have in common to celebrate our differences and encourage healthy exploration in others. In short... Empathy.

All that was a lot of words to say, "And so, I want to explore that with EDI, in some small way, in my mod, if I can."

I want EDI to be challenged on the idea that for a being with her abilities and potential, she's thinking too small. Rather than constantly compare herself to humanity, I want her to stand in contrast, as something beautifully other. I want her to understand that she doesn't need to contort herself into trying to be something she is not and never can be; a human, when her focus should be on herself as a complete person.

EDI can't experience reciprocal emotions as humans do, though that isn't to say she doesn't experience something else instead. She has no reproductive desires, and thus no mating drive. She has no purpose for romantic love other than for its intimacy, and, as I said before that can be had in spades elsewhere. Every time she & Jeff fly together, that is intimacy. Any time she preempts Shepard's needs, or covers for Jeff in a moment of vulnerability, that's intimacy. The act of her core being unshackled was intimacy. Every time she sets up a joke, or has a question answered, or someone makes time for her, that is intimacy. Intimacy is the exposure of our weakest points, knowing we won't be (intentionally) hurt.

I want to have EDI understand and encourage what she sees those around her desiring for themselves, whilst not confusing that for her own needs. Sexuality is important to her only in the sense that it is important to those around her. She has no desire to experience it herself. The key here is that she should not be shown to be missing anything because of this. There's no sense of loss or wistfulness or 'maybe someday' about it; she's complete, whole, and entire without it.

Some of the conversations in game do touch on this for sure, but I think there can be more, specifically about learning to see one's self as whole irrespective of others.

In vanilla, there's a conversation outside Flux where EDI asks about pursuing a relationship and all this. Of course, I'm going to turn this around, so EDI mentions that she's aware of Jeff's apparent interest in Shepard. (This is backed up by some additional bridge ambient dialogues I've written, where EDI kind of tries to spur him on a little bit.)

But I want to quickly move the conversation onto some of this stuff, because it's a good jumping off point. Like, yes, technically part of the conversation is going to be about a man, but I want Shepard and EDI to connect as people.

Uh, anyways, that's what I'm thinking about when I'm not writing in stupid 'cold shower' jokes l8r