#but insane how i was like damn im gonna try getting myself out there
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lilgynt · 7 months ago
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how fucked up evil would it be if my ex broke into my house and robbed my mom a non zero possibility
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cetoddle · 15 days ago
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okay. i am going to continue being stupid. and lowkey embarrassing. and a big stupid fucking idiot. i don’t know what’s wrong w me just ignore me forever okay? okay <3
#why why why why why why why why#i don’t even know what to say anymore my brain is going one thousand miles per hour and it’s all STUPID !!!!#why am i lowkey 24 years old a grown ass adult with literally the stupidest circumstantial crush rn#i don’t even wanna admit that’s what it is cause like. girl. why am i the worlds biggest idiot#i want to bash my head into a wall i don’t even know his name! i never spoke to the man! i know nothing! about him!!#im usually rlly good about not letting myself get all worked up over ppl i find attractive#but for some reason this feels out of my control. i’m trying to just like. get over it. but my brain just won’t stop being so FUCKING#stupid and it’s SO embarrassing!!#what i’m about to say is especially embarrassing to admit but like. idk what to do idk why this happening#i keep catching myself like. daydreaming abt what it would be like 2 hold his hand or give him a hug#i just wanna wrap my arms around his neck and feel his hands on my waist and i dont!! know where this is coming from!!!!!!!!#i wish i could spray my brain with a water bottle every time this happens because frankly this is just getting ridiculous#we are not gonna marry the man! we never spoke to him! we’re never going to see him again for the rest of our lives okay!!#get it together dumbass. so we saw a beautiful boy at a wedding reception and became enamored with his mannerisms so what who cares#it doesn’t matter u know! so what if it was attractive how he sat with his leg propped up while he looked at his camera#or how u caught him buttoning and unbuttoning his little jacket over and over. or the way he leaned against the wall to watch the crowd#or his stupid dumb cute lil smile or how the few times you accidentally made eye contact w him ur heart went all pap pap and shit#it was just a fleeting moment! who gives a shit!! get over it!!#god. it’s especially embarrassing cause i’m here obsessed w the man still desperately wishing i could talk to him and idk learn everything#about him. and i know damn well to him i was just some creepy girl who wouldn’t stop staring at him. he probably thinks im like. plotting#his death or something. i’m not. but i should probably plot my own if i don’t get over this soon#idk idk idk i literally don’t know why this is happening!#we’ve seen hot ppl before why is this different! god!!!!!!!#i haven’t felt this way abt someone in such a long time#and it’s just frustrating knowing just how stupid i am sitting here like this#cause i know he doesn’t care. he doesn’t know me. and that’s fine! idk why my brain is doing this!#whats wrong w me genuinely. i can’t control what’s happening is so fucking weird#i truly feel like im going insane i can’t make sense of why this is happening to me#stupid stupid stupid stupid SO embarrassing idk idk#snow.txt
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tgcg · 6 months ago
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an open fly walking
i didnt like this one but i thought id finally air it out since its been sat in my folders for months now
TG: hey karkat
CG: YEAH?
===
TG: you ever noticed you like
TG: walk weird
CG: WOW, OKAY.
CG: HAVE *YOU* EVER NOTICED THAT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT?
TG: pff
===
TG: no listen because i got my ears scoping that shit im like a scouter for dude activity
TG: ok maybe me mentioning it to you is gonna fuck up your ecosystem or something but
TG: you have the heaviest feet of the century man
CG: I DO???
TG: just thrust them straight down into the ground like youre trying to homebrew a san andreas fault
TG: viciously tamping on tectonic plates hoping for top score on the richter scale
TG: waging war against solid particles and the basic flow of gravity
TG: i could ID those footfalls out of a million i mean it
CG: SERIOUSLY?
===
TG: i mean theres nothing wrong with it but
TG: yeah
CG: I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU'RE FUCKING WITH ME RIGHT NOW.
TG: im not fucking with you striders honor
TG: when have i ever lied to anybody about anything
CG: NOT UNPACKING THAT QUESTION WITH YOU TODAY.
CG: BUT SHIT, HOLD ON. LET ME SEE.
TG: yeah take the umbrella go over there and just walk to me
CG: ON IT.
===
===
TG: see you just kinda slam em straight down dude
CG: THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY RIOTOUS FUCKING JOKE OF A LIFE.
TG: dont your feet ache
===
CG: MOOT POINT. THIS MIGHT SOUND INSANE BUT I'VE ACTUALLY HAD MY STRUT PODS FOR A WHILE. ANY KIND OF PAIN THIS WOULD'VE BEEN CAUSING WOULD BE TOTALLY FILTERED OUT OF MY SPONGE BY NOW AS BACKGROUND NOISE.
TG: damn i didnt think that through
TG: my shades
CG: ALRIGHT, GET BACK UNDER THE SHITTING UMBRELLA AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME.
TG: look ive fucked myself over here too i dont have shit to clean these with
TG: ugh
===
TG: guess its karma
CG: HOLY FUCK. HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE THIS BEFORE?
TG: i dunno but im gonna assume having a dad thats a literal crab monster is probably a contributing factor
TG: im guessing thats not a great role model for this kinda thing
TG: just conjecture i mean
CG: YOUR ENVY IS OVERWHELMINGLY OBVIOUS DAVE. AS A DISCLAIMER, HE WOULD'VE ABSOLUTELY KICKED YOUR ASS.
TG: yeah probably
CG: THAT'S PRETTY MUCH ALL THERE IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER.
===
TG: but see bro had me stringent on feather feets
TG: i bet i could slip across a bike horn warehouse with nary a fucking toot
CG: HAHA. ASSUMING YOU DON'T MAKE A TOTAL ASS OF YOURSELF, AS PER USUAL.
CG: IF YOU WEREN'T CONSTANTLY RUNNING YOUR GASH ABOUT EVERYTHING AND BEING AN INIMITABLE CLOWN I SERIOUSLY THINK YOU COULD BE ON PAR WITH YOUR CUSTODIAN.
CG: THAT IS A MONUMENTAL "IF".
TG: well look at it this way
TG: im basically doing you all a favor by being a dumbass
TG: never gonna get caught off guard by the bozo patrol
CG: WOW. GOOD POINT.
===
TG: also screw this can i use your shirt
TG: this stupid hoodie is just smudging my lenses up
TG: i cant see dick
CG: UH
CG: SURE, I GUESS.
TG: cool
===
TG: so yeah i could be prowling around like a goddamn verbal assassin sniping convos left and right
TG: but no ive got the decency to go bunp in the night
CG: YEAH.
CG: IT'S DEFINITELY COMPOUNDED BY THE CONSTANT INANE RAMBLINGS.
CG: BUT
CG: IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY RELAXING, Y'KNOW? IT HAS ITS OWN RHYTHM.
TG: see yeah i sound it off and
===
TG: wait really?
CG: YEAH
CG: I DON'T KNOW
CG: FUCK. HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS WITHOUT WANTING TO CRAM MY FROND DOWN MY PROTEIN CHUTE.
===
CG: IT'S LIKE
CG: A SALVE FOR MY AGGRAVATION SPONGE.
CG: YOUR VOICE IS THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF ASPIRIN.
TG: uh damn karkat hold your hoofbeasts i was talking about the rhythm thing
CG: ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT. I'M TAKING US BOTH THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW. YOU HAVE REACHED THE BAD END OF THIS CONVERSATION.
TG: you think thatd be heroic or just
CG: IF I WAS STILL GHOSTING AROUND THE RUINS OF SGRUB'S ARCANE FRIGGIN GAME SYSTEMS, THE COMPLETE LACK OF SHIT AFOOT NOWADAYS WOULD BORE ME TO DEATH.
CG: LIKE. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME OUR THERMAL HULL LEVELLED UP, DAVE?
TG: hah
===
TG: but uh
TG: i mean we had aspirin on earth
CG: NO, NUMBNUBS.
CG: I'M SAYING YOU ARE MY ASPIRIN.
TG: oh
CG: YEAH, TAKE THAT TO THE BANK AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR 20-KARAT ASS.
===
TG: heh
TG: well get this
TG: i will literally talk at you forever for free
TG: you got lifetime priority seating for the davealogues
TG: never gotta go to the drugstore again you can just get doped up on my dulcet tones for the rest of time
TG: take that and some of this
TG: im packin punches
CG: OW, FUCK! NO! MY MIGRAINES!
CG: SWEEPS OF VEINCLOTTING AND NERVEFRAYING DOWN THE FUCKING GAPER. BECAUSE OF YOU.
CG: YOU ASSHOLE, THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.
CG: AND YOU'RE LAUGHING.
TG: chuckle up it only gets worse from here
===
CG: BE HONEST WITH ME. DID FONDLING MY SHIRT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET EVEN DO ANYTHING?
TG: barely but yknow sometimes you just gotta deal the cards youre given
TG: ill just be astigmatic for a while its cool
CG: PFF… OKAY MAN.
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miyaheestar · 4 months ago
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live reaction to the pack wedding audio
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KISS SJSGJS DAVID KISS HAIII HAI DAVID 🥺🥺🥺
"i just want a little time with you today, before everything goes crazy" MSHSMHDMSHSM IM GONNA GO INSANE
IM GOING INSANE IM IM GOING IM INSANE IM ACTUALLY DGINGSJSYSISGSKGAJA
"how are you feeling?" NOT GOOD MY BODY TEMPERATURE IS HIGH IM GOING INSANE FYM YOU TOO
"WE MADE IT" WHAT IF I DONT MADE IT WHAF IF I CRY WHAT IF YOU DIE DO NAWT SAY YOU LOVE ME I WILL CRY DAVID SHAW I WILL ACTUALLY CRY SO HARD
"WE'RE GETTING MARRIED TODAY"HE SOUNDS SO FUCKING HAPPY AND SOFT IM ACTUALLY CRYING IM NOT NAWT OKAY IM NOT PLS DONT DO THIS TO ME PLS
"beautiful" i haven't showered and i didn't sleep and it's 7 am in the morning are you blind
"you are. especially first thing in the morning. still all sleepy and cuddly and relaxed. im the luckiest man in the world to get to see it everyday.. for the rest of my life" do you want me to die?
MGSMSGSMSHSM I WANNA CRY SEND HELP SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOS SOSBSOSBSOSBSOSJSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOWIS
pls i will actually cry
"you fucking menace" IM YOUR MENACE HAH
KISS
ASHER ASHER ASHER ASHER ASHER ASHER ASHWR ASHWR ASHERA AHEEDHA ASHER AHSER ASHW AAGE
oh he eepy baby 🥺
good morning asher 🥺
"oh my god it's actually today holy shit it's actually happening" HE'S LIKE ME FOR REAL FOR REAL
"when did you wake up" you think i sleep?
WOAHWOAHWOAHWOAH SEXY?? AYO I KNOW I AM SEXY
"IM GONNA BE YOUR HUSBAND" WHAT IF I CRY WHAT IF I CRY WHA IF I ACTUALLY LOSE IT THEN WHST IF I DIE WHAT IF YOU DIE OH GOD DON'T DIE ASHER PLEASE
IM TEARING UP DONT DO THIS TO ME
ASHER I LOVE YOU SO MUCH WHY YOU'RE NOT REAL
"I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABE" I SAID IT FIRST SO THAT MEANS I LOVE YOU MORE
DAMN RIGHT ASHER DAMN RIGHTTTTT
"about the person who matters to me more than anything else in the whole damn world" STOP STOP THIS OFFICER OFFICER A WEREWOLF TRYNNA SEDUCE ME HE TRYNNA SEDUCE ME SIR I WILL DIE SIR IM BEING SEDUCED
okay scene change
SAM AND ASHER AUGSUAGUAGUAGUAGAUFAUAGAHHUFAHHHH
"mate pairs shouldn't see each other in the morning" DAMN RIGHT SO TRUE HEWL YEAHHH
MILOOOOOO MY BIG.. um SMALL BIG BOY
"grouchy grandpa" HELPPPP "now don't you start." HELLAGSISGSKSG HAHAHAHAHA
"oh my mistake" YOU'RE SO SASSY
... ITS JUST SILENCE HELPP IM CRYING
ERIK PLEASE HAHAHAHAHA YOU'RE SO 😭😭😭
ERIK BODOH LAH KAU NI 😭😭😭😭
HELP PLEASE ENOUGH SILENCE PLS THIS IS WAY TOO FUNNY I'LL THROW UP
IM CRYING
STOP THIS
IT'S TOO LONG STOP THE SILENCE ERIK I WILL EAT YOUR HAIR AND YOU'LL BE BALD
ERIK
LMAO MILO NOT THE WARNING
CHRISSY
"are you trying to look like you got married in wind tunnel" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HELPPP MILO PLEASE
"im fine.. i-im not" ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO ME TOO
aww grandpa sam 🥺🥺🥺
AWWW DAVID HELPING ASHER
"david, can i ask you something?"
STOP STIP SRSOSO STIP SFOP STOP BITCH STOP I WIWLL CRY
"well i did" DO YOU WABT ME TO KILL EVERYONE THEN MYSELF
im not okag im not ojay im not okay I AM NOT OKAY
i cant do this I'll actually pass out
i cant
im hypervinelantagwtbf
"my dad-" SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP DAVID SHAW SHUT UP
"i picked you because you're the one person i trust more than anyone else. you made me feel safe." I WILL ACTUALLY LOSE IT
I WILL LOSE IT
I WILL NO
I WIGSKSGWK
I AM GONNA CRY
"i was a decent alpha but i wasn't a very good friend" so you want me to kill myself
i am genuinely gonna cry
THEY'RE HUGGING IM GONNA CRYYYYYYY IN GONANNAHSGSISFWKSFISV IM NOT OKAY
"ash euw" I LOVE THAT
MILO DO NAWT HURT MA MAN I WILL EAT YOUR REMAINING HEIGHT
MILO SPEECH
"how much does it pay" BOSGSISGSJGAHAGAGAGAGAHAHAGAHA STAPH
what if i jump
i will jump
i won't
i will
i wont
I WILL SOB I WILL WIBSUSVWKSGSJ STOPAHSGSOGSOSGS
IM GETTING MARRIED YALL
IM IM IM IM
IM GONNA GET MARRIED
it sounds like asher and david getting married LMAO
"um" classic opening
asher if you cry YOU BETTER BE CRYING okay he's gonna cry
what if asher dies after his vows
I WILL BE A WIDOW OH GOD
"i love you" IM GONNA KILL MYSELF AND EAT ERIK'S HAIR
so it's just silence and giggles for babe's speech
got it
it's okay i love asher's giggles
"angel" I WILL JUMP BRO
I WILL
I WILL
I WONT IM SCARED OF HEIGHTS
david please cry
PLEASE CRY
GO FULL ON SOBBING
why guy is not angel's brother
HE'S CRYING YALL CHEERS
CHEERS
and he's laughing too
BUT HE'S CRYING YEAYYYYY
LMAO MILO HAHAHAHAGAHA PLEASEEEE
IT SOUNDS LIKE ASHER AND DAVID KISSING WOAH
... I NEED MORE
ERIK ERIK ERIKSON
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guardpupleo · 4 months ago
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i dozed off for like an HOUR earlier tonight and got consumed by the most visceral and descriptive wet dream i have had in fucking AGES . a lot of it is lost on me now just by the nature of dreams but holy fucking shit i need to write this out because he needs to read this too . this is my favorite part because of how sheerly fucking insane it makes me and because i woke up right after because my dick was so hard .
cut for length obviously this is so fucking LONG
i pressed my hips harder against his, the knot of my strap grinding into him and i feel him shudder and whine and dig his nails harder into my back, his face bright red and with tears welled up in his eyes. the sight makes me growl down, pressing into him again, rolling my hips, teasing him with the knot. to my surprise, he rolls his hips back into me, managing to start to get the knot in.
of course, this gets such a reaction out of me, hearing the noises he makes and how his breathing quickens, and i just look at him and catch his gaze.
"wow, it looks like somebody's desperate to be treated like a puppy, huh? didn't think you'd be that eager to take my knot.." i coo at him, and this elicits the exact reaction i was hoping for; mumbled, barely cohesive words trying to justify himself while he pressed his hips into me, desperately trying to signal for me to keep grinding my knot into him.
"what, love? come on, im gonna need you to tell me to keep going.. it's a bit of a stretch and i don't want to hurt you, after all.." and as i speak, i gently roll my hips into him again. "but i do love feeling you bottomed out like this, on my cock, pretty boy.."
a sharper whine and he's almost panting for me now, and i wipe tears from his eyes so he can look at me clearer. all he can manage are half whispers of the word please, panting and blinking tears of pleasure away trying to keep his composure.
and with his affirmation, i snarl, holding his hips with both hands now to help guide him into me, and i deeply grind into him, every bit that the knot slipped in, bringing a higher pitched whine from him and his claws digging into me harder.
i move myself so i can tuck my face against his neck and collarbone, slowly and torturously fucking my knot into him, easing him up and also just working him up.
his claws dig into me harder, i know hard enough to raise lines on my back and i growl and hiss through my teeth, biting into his neck barely hard enough to leave a mark.
"come on, doll, i know you can do more damage than that. im not gonna let you take this whole thing until you can at least draw a little blood."
i draw back, and start just pumping into him again, letting my knot press against him but not into him, getting him to raise and roll his hips with pitiful little whimpers and barely audible pleas for more. but he complies once he fully realizes i meant it, and i start fucking into him faster.
i finally press my knot against him again, letting him do most of the work for me, but still rutting my hips in time with his. i snarl as i feel him absolutely slash down my back, feeling the sear of skin being broken and i nearly come undone right then and there, feeling my tdick throb violently against the base of the strap.
my hips start moving faster, and his breathing picks up, and i feel him start to tense up below me, and i lock eyes with him ever so briefly as i catch a glimpse of the mess he's made of his makeup with his tears, and i snarl and growl and feel him getting closer to taking the knot to the base.
"fuck, darling, you're really gonna take it.. i can't .. you're doing so good for me, know that?" i manage out, through gritted teeth, knowing im so damn close, each deep push against him as the knot nearly makes it in. i keep grinding into him, feeling him start to tremble and whine under me, and finally, finally, the rest of the knot slips in, and he really digs his claws into me.
i growl and can't even function enough as i feel him clench and shake and pant and whine and just press against his collarbone, rutting my hips into him just so he can feel the knot all the way in him, my hips jerking and my cock throbbing as my orgasm just fucking breaks me.
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flowersinthegrocerystore · 5 months ago
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OKAY SO I wasn't able to watch IWTV when it first came because I didn't have the time/money, but I just watched the first episode. Without further ado: here were all my thoughts
AUGH IM SO EXCITED
Paul 🙁
Omg I can’t wait for Armand this season
Claudia I’m free any day any time 
The odyssey of recollection I like that
Lmao Daniel calling himself a whore
Armand you sneaky bitch 
Okay here we go
The red sky intro I’m obsessed
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
On god let’s go
I love claudia 
Creepy start let’s go
Love the page turning sound affects
My girl Claudia I love her I love her I love her I lover her 
Ohhhh wait is this the holocaust
Ohhhh
OH
Hey Louis 
You look so depressed babygirl 
Armand stop being like that 
Lmao Daniel you petty bitch
They’re already fighting I love them
Intriguing. And disregarding! 
Did I mention how much I love Claudia
What an icon
I’d wanna explore some abandoned buildings with her
They both look miserable damn
Louis being constantly cold because he’s more human than she is
He’s so fucking alone stop not him talking to himself
I wanna be a historian. A deranged geologist or anthropologist
“It’s dead” shocking info Louis
DEAD WEIGHT MY GOD
Daniel just sitting there chewing while he suffers
Real Rashid is so fucking funny
Unworthy damn Armand
DISREGARD 
I hate them I want them to make out
OOh creepy
Love the vibes
Lestat you drama queen I missed you
The love in his eyes is insane
His voice with nobody there damn I love it 
Obsessed with Louis’ soft apology and Lestat just continuing on like nothing happened
His fear but the chin hold and the I’m gonna kill you
This is love this is love I want them I want to be them
Why the fuck are they shooting graves
Why everyone quiet 
Oh they think louis is hot lol 
God will forget when you die. Preach lady
Something’s wrong what 
There’s gaps in his memory. HIS MEMORY’S WRONG
Or Claudia’s wrong? 
Armand why are you looking like that
The tension in the room is crazy
Daniel smirking he knows what’s happening 
Armand what are you doing
Creepy song with children let's go
Claudia knocking a child over!
So glad I read the book and I know what’s happening
This would have scared the fuck out of me 
Edith Piaf it’s giving la vie en rose it’s giving Izzy Hands
Does red mean communist? 
Oh
Louis’ drunk. Don’t be drunk king. 
Oh he’s deductive damn 
Claudia’s so excited 🙁
Fighting like siblings
Adam and Eve of the damned- oh like the king and queen? ENKIL AND AKASHA MENTIONED
Louis looks so tormented my baby
What is happening what is happening why is he crying why
LOUIS??? 
Daniel looks so devastated but he looks like he cares aw
Oh my god I love this show
Humanity is so. Uh. Fun. God I love this show
That’s a fucking catfish with teeth
Louis is such a sarcastic shit I love him 
What is that thing
Oh it’s a woman
Louis trying to help her and understand her against all odds
All those in darkness go in darkness 
All of them dead now, what about her
How has she lived
Claudia giving her blood
I don’t remember this in the book
But Claudia looks so happy!!
AND so does the woman!! 
Daciana is such a pretty name 
Oh shit…
Getting their hopes up for nothing 
Domestic couple aww Louis and armand 
Why is Louis asking permission…
They’re both cute and vaguely unsettling
The silence is so comfortable but also tense
Armand misses the boy from san francisco??? 
But why do they want to do this. What’s the deal
What is happening why does he want him enthralled what’s his plan
Daniel does not give af lmao the whistling
My man didn’t look up once
So fellas, what’s up?? I love him 
The way they’re so possessive of each other! The little touches and the hand holding. The stares that Daniel is so disgusted by I’m screaming
“We’ll get to you” KILL HIM DANIEL
Claudia looks so small :(
Louis and his talk of death is so relatable
But his HOPE. His HOPE. I’m killing myself. 
If you were the last vampire on earth it would be enough!!
AHH THE CUT TO LESTAT OH MY GOD OH MY GOD 
YOU AND ME AND IT’S LESTAT BUT IT’S ACTUALLY CLAUDIA
CLAUDIA’S FACE. SHE KNOWS. SHE KNOWS. 
Oh the next episode is about to be soooo good
This was so good I’m killing myself
Why did it feel so short?? 
I’m saving the rest for later but OH MY FUCKING GOD.
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tauforged · 1 month ago
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Are you okay?
in the grand scheme of things? yeah i’m chillin. what happened isn’t Serious serious. it was just weird. like i’ve been iffy about saying anything because i don’t wanna kickstart it into a major ordeal again but it’s just like. a couple weeks ago? at this point? i think? i got upset after someone id been following posted what essentially boils down to rape fic. i was really in my feelings about it in the moment because it honestly triggered the fuck out of me and i definitely lashed out a bit but it was late i was very tired and stressed out and ultimately not really thinking about the consequences of my actions, just ranting about something that really upset me. the blowback i got in response has been INSANE and kinda sobering. 90% of the other wf bloggers i know of and had up until that point been mutuals/friendly with all blocked and cold shouldered me overnight. i had at least one person combing thru my sideblog and alt twitter for dirt on me so they could send anons about how much of a hypocrite i was. i’ve been extremely cagey about posting anything personal at all, even stuff that isn’t at all related to what happened, because im suddenly aware that my blog is being checked up on frequently and anything i post can be taken as a slight and used to justify saying some really cruel and heinous shit about me. so much has happened that i don’t even have the words to explain in a neutral manner right now, and i don’t want to put anyone individually on blast either because i honestly don’t even have it in me to feel spiteful about it anymore. i’m just very tired. a lot of bridges got burned right out from underneath me and now im feeling kind of stuck and isolated.
i don’t post about it often because i’m aware of how easily it could be used against me, but to be entirely frank; i’ve struggled with paranoia around being stalked/surveilled as well as moral ocd and all the baggage that comes with both for a very VERY long time, and this is just all like. the perfect storm to trigger serious episodes. i’ve been really hot and cold lately and stressed beyond belief. i’m convinced there’s someone out there checking up on me and talking about me behind my back, but i can’t do a damn thing about any of it aside from continue trying to mind my own business and hope that everyone who’s stuck around thus far is doing so for the right reasons and not just out to get me. trying to redirect myself onto what usually helps me take my mind off these things isn’t really working because it keeps circling back around to huge reminders and i’m having a harder than usual time escaping those mental loops lately. trying to forcefully will myself into being Okay has been really tiring and i think i’m just gonna have to let myself be. not okay. for a while.
it’s a lot of stress to come out of video game fandom posting on tumblr, yeah, i know, and ultimately none of it matters. but it’s still a really weird situation. feels unsafe and precarious. i’m trying very hard not to completely and totally isolate myself and retreat into a bubble because to be frank i do really need to put myself out there and interact with people more, it’s just been blow after blow lately.
to answer your question - i think im gonna be fine. this whole thing has for sure done a number on my physical and mental health (not that i was a beacon of health and wellness before either) but i can say i’m certainly not going anywhere and i dont want to let this whole thing ruin something i love and that means so much to me. im in a weird place right now and will probably be kinda squirrelly for a while…. but ill be alright. i appreciate your concern 🫂❤️
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zuureleena · 1 year ago
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i drew the mercs, miss pauling, admin, and my tf2 oc on the plane to uni 😭
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i did all of these a week ago and completely forgot to post them HAJAHAH miss p, the admin, and a rlly simplified ver of my tf2 oc miss lynn!! (zoey lynn hehe + js rambles abt her) under the cut
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IM ACTUALLY REWORKING HER DESIGN RNNNN bcs i made her on the sims 4 LMAO and realised how much better and concise she looked, but i really wanna try and make her look like someone you'd js see irl? sooOOo tryna make her also recognisable from silhouette alone and blahablahblah tho she isn't the kind of character that would rlly make too much of a difference in the tf2 universe
i js wanted to make a loveable character LMAO who'd have more of an impact on the relationships and kinda the story?
i liked the idea of miss p having an extroverted bestfriend who's also her wingwoman bcs miss pauling is obvs an awkward lesbian mess who needs help in the love department, and vice versa bcs zoey is into scout and miss pauling is js so glad to have him move on n realise that they r better as friends!! and that he needs to be with someone who isn't annoyed by him 24/7 (IM SORRY, LWNAKS MY SELF-INSERTEDNESS GOT IN THE WAY HAHAHAHA I CANT HELP IT) also, i haven't rlly thought of any orientation for zoey... i'm thinking of her js being a het woman or js whatever u wanna interpret her as!! cuz her sexuality isn't a core thing abt her
she's an absolute harbinger of chaos who'd do anyt for money and some company (this girl has been hella lonely n stressed out of her mind and i'll explain why in an oc post🤭🤭) and even tho she never outright admits it, she does enjoy the freedom of violence she gets to have as a mann co assistant 😭 (which will ALSO make sense when i explain her background to u guys later on)
and bcs of her long experience w shady bosses and asshole customers she's had to deal within all the jobs she's had, she catches onto the administrator's whole thing with the australium fairly early into the job, but she's in tooooo deep now and is like "damn. do i get myself out of this fucked up job (that i am fucked up enough to actually enjoy) or do i stay bcs i literally have everything i've ever wanted....shit." like,, she did say she'd do anyt for money but at the cost of what 😭 [also MAN i wish we got that final comic so i can js make zoey's suspicions make sense??!?@ but in a way it js works bcs it's js this massive mystery that we don't even know of ourselves???? so likeee, im js assuming its smth rlly dangerous or smth bcs helen literally goes to the most insane lengths to get australium and finish off her final... thingy.. that uh DEBT is it... i forgot what she called it BUT WHATEVER BUSINESS SHE HAD TO ATTEND TO B4 SHE DIED QOABJASH]
OH AND YEAH, zoey hates how bossy the admin is and is an ass abt it at times, and the admin wants zoey gone so badly bcs shes an annoying little shit (which she is and honestly, her and scout can be annoying shits tgt <3) but miss p always convinces her to keep zoey BAGAHAHA and they do get things done much faster w zoey there sooOoOOo 🌝🤭
i mean she does try to kill both miss p & l anyway but still, she can't deny that they r both good at what they do
BWOSBQJS BYE I DONT THINK ANYONE IS GONNA READ THIS AHAGAH BUT THANK YOU IF U DID 😭 I HAVE SM ABT ZOEY AND I RLLY WANT HER TO BE LOVEABLE AUGHWGS
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kneelingshadowsalome · 1 year ago
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Hey 🥺 I'm finally coming here 😩 I've read Just friends so many times it marked a before and after in my life LETMME tell you that you're the greatest writer ever ?? This Yandere Konig just will live with me forever and I will cherish him forever😩 I'm literally the lyric ,"my old man is a thief and I'm gonna stay with him till the end" (I'm sorry I'm a Lana del Rey enthusiastic)
Girl I can't STOP stressing the fact that that fanfic is life-changing hell, even now that I'm talking bout it I want to read it again (I wish I could read it for the first time again 😩) like just thank you thank you for making so many incredible written masterpieces caUSE IM READING also the ghost bodyguard and im LIVING for it ok?? My ass was shaking with the las update fucking mind-blowing and PERFECT.
So returning to my man König, you know I'm Hispanic (you didn't know but hey I'm Hispanic) and I would like really want to know how would König react or behave having a darling that is Hispanic (? (This is pure self indulgence, like I want to fucking put myself there) I mean, I don't want to appropriate any stereotypes but when sometimes can be a lot and we donate pretty different from everyone else(? So idk I just like would like to know kajsosib
Thank you again for making so many good content I told you before and I tell you know you're my cult leader 🙏
Hey babe you're too sweet! I can't believe my crazy story and crazy interpretation of König has had such an impact 🩷💕😭 Thank you for telling me, I'm just so glad that we can all buzz about this hot, insane man! And cult leader!? Haha omg this sounds dangerous (I love it, let's gather the whole toxic König crew and go to Austria together and build a shrine for this man, we can share headcanons thrice a day, dinner is served right after the compulsory fanfic writing workshop)
As for your ask, I'm sorry, I don't think I know enough about Hispanic culture to go too deep into detail & I wish to tread very carefully with stereotypes too, I hope this take is ok 🩷😘
The way I see it, there's two ways this thing would go….
An emotional, lively, feminine woman who has strong family values would be a dream come true for König. If you identify with the concept of marianismo at all, if you're loving and loyal and want to support your husband-to-be (König won't settle being just your 'boyfriend'), want to get married too and embrace your femininity while he gets to be The Man, your provider and protector, well, damn. This guy is on his knees! König will worship you, return your support and love tenfold, hundredfold. It will be the love story of a lifetime (and a story of traditional gender roles too but König would only view it as romantic 🩷)
But if you're "a lot", perhaps more outgoing than König thinks is appropriate, if you don't give a shit about his Ordnung muss sein-mentality and laugh at his attempts to cage you…? Sorry but you'll drive the poor man crazy!
He needs to possess protect you, which means your "temper" is a weed in the garden of your love. It needs to be pulled out, and you need to be tamed. König will go out of his mind as he tries to both please your every wish and try to put you on a leash. Lots of arguments ensue as you try to explain to this man that he's overreacting (and König is like Was?? He's not overreacting or hysterical, you're hysterical), lots of passionate reconciliation sex follows as he tries to prove you that you're his and his alone and no other man is allowed to even look at you.
So please don't torture him too much ❤️, he's not used to women's company and has a lot of suppressed energy and emotion, he just wants to take care of you and be the head of the house (and that you two worship each other 24/7 and carry each other's blood in small little vials or something omg)
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mugenloopdalove · 28 days ago
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Like I'm sorry I feel insane am I in the wrong here
First incident w this guy: it was like my second time soloing drive thru so I was still adjusting. We were really busy and one person put in an order so long that by the time he finished I had a PILE of bags and couldn't figure out what was what bc it was cluttered so I got stressed. He started rolling his eyes and scoffing and LAUGHING at my confusion. Like yeah man it's my second time running both ends of drive thru on my own. I'm gonna be stressed and confused at points because IM STILL FUCKING LEARNING.
Second incident: I was trying to make small talk during a dead period, as coworkers do all the damn time. I was telling him and the manager we were working w about a really weird manager I had, and how the assistant manager he tried to consistently get fired for no reason ended up becoming a the gm a couple years after I left, because I find it hilarious that that happened. I apologized for getting kinda rambly and explained I talk more when I'm tired because it keeps me from passing out on the floor. The manager said it was fine and he said it wasn't. Coworkers chat with each other when it's dead all the time so idk what his issue was.
The other day: I had placed my order on a kiosk instead of on a register because I wasn't clocked in yet. It was 15 minutes and I still didn't have it, and I had to clock in in like. 15-20 minutes or so. I needed to eat bc I had antibiotics to take. Didn't think to eat at home or bring food because I've NEVER ONCE had issues getting my meal before my shift. Never. I go back to ask if there was an issue with it and if I need to place it on a register instead and he starts rolling his eyes, and I told him to cut it out because I don't put up w people treating me like that anymore. He starts going off and yelling and THREATENING me, and the manager keeps insisting I was in the wrong for defending myself, saying I don't know what he's going through and I should treat him like a customer. Okay. He doesn't know what I'm going through and at the time I technically WAS a customer.
Idk man I feel like "I want to be treated like a person" isn't a tall fucking ask but everyone but irl and online seems to think otherwise.
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lilgynt · 8 months ago
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my friends like invite him to go clubbing with us! i’m gonna club my brain in.
#personal#one i invited someone else already so im not gonna be like hey single friend lemme go off with whatever this dude is and leave you with#my friend you don’t know with her boyfriend#then that’s such a weird driving situation#like do we stick with the original game plan of having friends bf drive and then have that dude meet up or#do i have him pick me up and go pick up friend which insane to ask second hang out#ah!!!#and then it’s like well you’re only considering the second possibility bc you enjoy his company and wouldn’t mind him driving you home#which leads into like well. what is this.#cause yes we’ve been talking for like a few weeks#had a very nice date#talked about getting TESTED#is it like. are we. just talking are we hitting and quitting are we gonna be 🫣#which is like what do *i* want#which crazy enough! i actually really like this dude so i wouldn’t mind a relationship#but then it’s like okay. what if he doesn’t like me. or only wants sex. hnnnn#and now i’m embarrassed about everything like damn he fr saw me spam my insta im gonna kill my self#what’s the appropriate amount of time to respond to a message- not what’s the appropriate#to ignore than respond but what makes it seem like i’m not waiting by the phone#which novel experience outside of friendship#and i’m trying to logic myself out of it like hey. good experience whichever way this goes#you got some talking practice went on a proper date that wasn’t dennys that you half paid for after they explained their whole books plots#I CAN TALK MY LEGITMENT POLITICS AND BELIEFS.#experience. which great. doesn’t do anything the whole im fumbling feeling like at alll#this is mortifying and i hate it. like i cannot exaggerate it’s a little disgusting#oh and then okay he has the time and does go clubbing#I CSNT FUCKING DANCE.#and the WORST bit. is im kicking my feet and giggling when we’re talking like die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i’m getting butterfly’s listening to the playlist he made me#regardless how this goes i am not doing this again this is way too stressful
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noellashes · 1 year ago
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hiiiiiiii! feel free to ignore this ask but what do you like about noelashe? :0 I really like them too but I don't exactly know why myself... the parallels perhaps? the care? the potential? either way, I'm asking you how you feel about them! And I hope you have a wonderful day! :)
so so sorry for the late response but
anon you don't understand how long ive been waiting for someone to ask me this exact question
this may be extremely long depending on how much i feel like talking about so i apologize
spoilers inbound after this point!!
there are many, many reasons ive fallen in love with them and their dynamic, but ill try to condense them into a more readable format
the sections will be as follows:
 their parallels and how they compliment each other
their kindness and affection towards each other
how they treat the other differently to the others in the mansion
more surface level dynamic things i like
the things that got me attached to them in the first place
parallels!
i feel like every noelashe fan understands their parallels somewhat but im insane so im gonna go in depth
they match and contrast each other in so so many different ways, down to even design (i actually made a post about that before it shouldnt be too hard to find)
their personalities are one thing, energetic and tired, extroverted and introverted, loud and shy, cruel and kind, fake and genuine, manipulative and naïve, i could go on but thatd be WAY too long so i'll just mention these
but thats just on the surface, they actually match each other a LOT more than you think
how ashe is more introverted than what meets the eye, not liking people out of distrust, and noel being tons more talkative and social, adoring people and barely being able to hate anyone
noel being smarter than he appears, willing to lie and manipulate for what he wants, and ashe being really easy to fool sometimes, immediately believing anything he thinks can bring back his family
and of course the obvious, their wishes
the same wish, the same pain, they go through such similar trauma with different ways of dealing with it
or so you think, their coping is very similar and this is acknowledged in sirius's conclusion, the only real difference being if theyre violent or not. noel, has sworn off harming people but he's still not above using backhanded methods for his goals. ashe, despite doing awful things for his wants, still has noble(ish) reasons for why he does these things
neither are entirely innocent, but neither are completely guilty
they both just want the people they care for to live peacefully, alive
but both do some pretty fucked up things for this wish, noel lies to sirius and uses dorothy as a ploy, ashe well- i think we all know. ashe commits multiple varied crimes that range from theft to murder and noel's own negligence can be considered a crime in some cases.
they have an understanding no one else does and it creates a lot of interest towards them and develops them as individuals too
kindness
they care so much for each other its insane
noel has trouble seeing ashe as anything but kind and ashe cant help but feel attached to noel even if he doesnt want to, which makes them get close each time and it makes them feel for each other a LOT more than they need to
the times where noel is sick and ashe takes care of him, ashe saying he lied so noel wont feel bad, noel letting ashe confide in him and ashe even trusting him enough to say his worries in the first place, the list goes on
they just have an instant bond bc they want someone to care and help them (even if both have trouble admitting it) and they want to help each other, which just makes them care more
it always ends in kindness between the two and it's one of the ways we get a happy ending
special treatment
i could put this in the kindness section but i think it deserves its own section bc its so damn cute
it does have a little less to go over tho as it doesn't happen much
im also gonna start adding screenshots and such
noel seems to really admire ashe and his abilities so much more than anyone else its adorable
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hes so amazed by him literally just cooking and he doesnt comment on anything to do with precise stuff that isnt smth ashe does, i may be wrong but i dont think ive ever seen him comment on smth like sirius drawing talismans which is highly specific but will ALWAYS think about how impressed he is with ashe
he also just
treats ashe in a similar way to claire, like he just casually says ashe saved him which is such a strong word to him with no thought and he LITERALLY SAYS HE TRUSTS HIM UNCONSCIOUSLY BC HE REMINDS HIM OF CLAIRE if that doesnt say smth i dont know what does
and ashe always opens up to noel so much more than anyone else like noel has gotten ashe to talk about himself unlike anyone else, the only other character he talked to about things was claire (technically sirius too but he was drunk off his ass so im not counting it) and that was like once he doesnt even say anything that isnt surface level
ashe also just refuses to harm noel and i dont think anyone has noticed this before
it makes sense if his killings are during the day bc noel literally just isnt there but some other times he has no excuse
HE MOVES TO THE SIDE HERE EVEN IF WHERE HE WAS STANDING GAVE HIM A CLEARER SHOT TO CLAIRE YOU CANT TELL ME IT WASNT SO HE DELIBERATELY MISSES NOEL
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ALSO HE COULDVE TRIED AGAIN OR GONE AFTER HIM BUT NO HE JUST GOES "missed one!" AND CALLS IT A DAY IF THATS NOT PROOF HE DOESNT WANNA HURT NOEL I DONT KNOW WHAT IS
surface level things
as much as i love the incredible lengths of their relationship, i also like more simple things that im just gonna put into a little list
theyre so sun and moon guys
BLACK CAT AND GOLDEN RETRIEVER BFS
their color palettes look nice together
babygirl and wet cat
loves to cook and fucking awful at cooking
smartass x dumbass
mutual healing
their symbols being hearts and stars those look so cute together
"i care about you!!" "why??", mutually
little bitch and sweetheart
both are affectionate but neither can handle it
emotionally repressed x the one who wants them to grow again
bfs who rant about their interests
same trauma
very strange guy x doesnt care
"im a disgusting monster" "HOW?"
the black and white good evil thing is very aesthetically pleasing for them
angel and devil (kinda)
why i fell in love with them
theres a lot of reasons why i love them but theres a few very specific things that got me attached
most obvious is that theyre both my favorites, im extremely attached to ashe and i loved him from the start, i didnt start liking noel until a tiny bit later but he very quickly gained my love
i also relate to them both heavily so seeing them care so much for each other gave me comfort
its a huge pattern that most of my ships are of the character i got immediately attached to and relate to and other character i relate to who cares about the first character
the fate line. its just so gay i was like "thats kinda gay" and while i didnt always think of it like it was super important it always stuck in my head like "yeah i could ship them"
but the real thing that started this all was the wine scene
its when i realized how much they cared for each other and then the floodgates opened, and here we are now!!
its still by far my favorite scene of the two it just makes me so happy its so adorable
conclusion
i have an extreme love for noelashe and just seeing them can make my entire mood better
i dont think many people have analyzed them as much as me so its sad to see how much stuff with them goes unnoticed
theyre genuinely so great for each other, platonic, romantic or anything in between, they deserve to be happy with each other
im so sorry for this being so long and maybe really hard to understand but i adore them so much
if you read this all thank you so much!! have a great day
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hongthoven · 8 months ago
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PLEASE. TELL ME PLEASE THAT YOU’VE SEEN THE HONGJOONG VLOG. I NEED TO SCREAM. HIS BARE FACE BEAUTY, HIS DRIVING !!!!!, HIM IN THE STUDIO, HIM WORKING OUT. GOD IM SO INSANE.
Girl.
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Picture this, I was getting ready to go out and drive for an hour to visit my parents when the vlog came out and I almost swallowed my lipstick out of absolute shock!??
WHERE TO BEGIN? WHAT TO SAY?
At first I thought it was a holiday vlog from his pov and I was like "Oh hell no I am NOT going through this again???" (while still proceeding to play the vlog because who am I if not his bitch? truly).
But nothing could have possibly prepared me for ALL OF THIS?
The bareface? Who looks THIS good first thing in the morning? This is ridiculous. For real ???
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When he's picking out his clothes for the day and he just stands there in a black tank top like???? When I tell you I felt like a victorian man seeing ankles for the first time???? These shoulders. Those arms. Sir. SIR. I AM. ASKING. RESPECTFULLY.
He knows exactly what he's doing.
When he puts on that polo shirt and wonders why it shrank so bad? My love. Honey. Sweetie. Absolute love of my life. I don't think that shirt shrank. I think WE MUST CLOSE THE FUCKING GYMS.
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The driving got me collapsing to the floor. Literally. I just slipped from my couch and sat on the floor from the moment he was behind the wheel. Had to pause to send hysterical vocal messages to my best friends and scream about it. Thank god they KNOW how much I was dreading the day I would see Hongjoong driving.
It was quite the experience. Soul left body. I crumbled.
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Reverse parking? Singing while parking? Looking THIS hot while driving? My brain spiraled so quickly it got me spinning.
He is insane.
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Then off to the studio we go?? I think us pyeongies collectively have that fantasy about getting railed into Hongjoong's studio and I can't even tell how many times I have pictured myself on that couch behind him. So to see him have a casual nap there? I was HOWLING AT THE FUCKING MOON IN BROAD DAYLIGHT.
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The part when he's doing the voiceover cause the audio was fucked up-- he's so very dear to me. So very dear. He's the most perfect man to ever walk this Earth and I can't believe I got lucky enough to be born in his Era. Will forever be thankful.
I love him. so. fucking. much.
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We truly are his sugar babies because we get SPOILED every damn week with this man. It was a tough job sitting in front of my parents while reminiscing every part of this vlog. I definitely dissociated half of the time.
I need to see it again. The dopamine it brought me was fucking crazy too? He gave me the strength to carry on and to actually do things which is precisely why he is my role model (as well as a soulmate). I could go on and on and on about how much and why I love this man but I'll just end this here. I feel so lucky to have him as the most perfect human to look up to.
Now gonna try not to think too much of the work-out shots and just---- yeah that man knew what he was doing. "this is a good angle right?" my brother in Christ------ I just-----
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I may need a couple hours to myself to deal with this.
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borom1r · 6 months ago
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1-25 choose violence ask game ❤️
ALL OF THEM?????? you’re so real for this ty snfnsnbfns. doing LotR bc of course I am
1. the character everyone gets wrong
PIPPIN I HATE TO SAY IT BUT PIPPIN. all those incorrect quote polls that have been posted where pippin keeps fucking winning YALL REALIZE HES AN ACTUAL CHARACTER RIGHT?? with like depth?? and bonds?? and a personality. yall realize that right?????? right??? ik we all love 2 joke but he would not say half of those things
2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom
ok I personally enjoy both for Boromir BUT if he IS topping. he is a service top. I will die on this hill
3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr
I block ppl for these takes so no screenshots but everyone who thinks Boromir is a villain. if you think Boromir is a villain I will key your car.
4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?
there is one singular straw and it is bad Boromir takes in the Boromir tag
5. worst discord server and why
I don’t join fandom discord servers bc I love myself too much for that 💗
6. which ship fans are the most annoying?
ummm idk? most of my lotr mutuals have different ships from me and it’s all chill. but tbf I’m very selective abt who I interact with now lmao.
7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?
no one yet thank fuck.
8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about
Aragorn/Arwen isn’t actually romantic sorry I think it’s fucked up actually. the vibes are off there for SURE
9. worst part of canon
FARAMIR’S “yeah I’m gonna take you from your home and tame you. haha wdym. you don’t need a blade during times of peace.” SHTICK WITH ÉOWYN IN THE BOOKS. UNPACK YOUR BIASES YOU LITTLE FREAK!!!!!!!!
10. worst part of fanon
HM. I will stick with “people who horrifically misinterpret Boromir’s character”
11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered
at the moment I only have rings of power blocked but I’ve had that blocked since it came out bc if I look at the armor in that show I will commit crimes.
12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them
MOVIE!FARAMIR MY SPECIALEST LITTLE GUY OOOOOOOOOO MOVIE!FARAMIR I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUU he’s so handsome and special and I love him and you WILL all look at him and clap and cheer. it makes me insane that his temptation by the ring mirror’s Boromir’s and he’s actually fucking normal abt the Rohirrim AND I just love him very much :)
13. worst blorboficiation
ummm idk… maybe Frodo
14. that one thing you see in fics all the time
HMMM exposing myself but I basically only read Aragorn/Boromir fics lmao + since we’re Choosing Violence the most annoying thing is Boromir just being A Brute. like damn I love the surface level reading of the text maybe try engaging with it above a 1st grade analysis next time 💗
15. that one thing you see in fanart all the time
hmmmmm idk cuz again I don’t interact w a lot of fanartists so there’s nothing like. annoying. all th ✨motifs✨ I do see r very fun + I like them :)
16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)
ummm for Serious, portraying Pippin as Stupid. for Silly, uhhhh Trans Faramir is so real to me I completely forgot cis people both 1) exist in the real world and 2) probably interpret Fara as cis too. i don’t get it :(
17. there should be more of this type of fic/art
trans Faramir 🩵💗🤍
18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...
HM idk. trans Faramir again. also bc I love it, utilizing Old Norse culture for the Rohirrim teehee
19. you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...
OK IM MAD THAT FINNISH BOROMIR IS JUST ME. THATS ME. THATS AN OUTFIT I WEAR REGULARLY MINUS THE LONG HAIR. I DRESS LIKE THAT TO BUY GROCERIES. i love him for that tho. I’m also mad that MtG Boromir’s stupid pointy muttonchops have grown on me. freak behavior, keeping his facial hair trimmed in those stupid little points
20. part of canon you found tedious or boring
I’m fighting for my life reading the histories rn 😑 I find them very dry for the most part
21. part of canon you think is overhyped
idk? I think there is an appropriate level of hype. but idk if Rings of Power had a lot of hype. if it did, then Rings of Power is my answer
22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores
idk if it’s IGNORED necessarily but the fact that Boromir carries a Rohirric shield in the films does actually genuinely make me insane 💞 I love that sm
23. ship you've unwillingly come around to
UNWILLINGLY?????? idk?? ummmm I think it’s all fine for the most part I’m just A Fag so I don’t write het ships. it’s like a moral thing. Éowyn/Faramir gets a pass conceptually bc they’re T4T to me tho
24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse
idkkkkkkk I don’t engage w discourse bc I want this fandom to remain pleasanttttt
25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing
again idk.. I block on sight if I see a Bad Take + then I erase it from my memory so I can continue to live in a beautiful blissful world where I. forgor abt cis people ☺️
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necroromantics · 8 months ago
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Also gonna make things clear cuz I've just been listening to my gf and not engaging but seriously man this is insane.
I'm not a Nazi, in the full screenshots which they cropped out, I said I had another server with absolutely no rules (besides dont be a pedo), and I was saying that in that server, everything was allowed. You people need to understand that not being able to care about something does NOT mean you support it. Its not black or white
I have NEVER said anything or made jokes regarding rape/sa, that is actually one of the things (including pedophilia) that I am very morally against. I have not spent so much of my time helping my friends report their rapists, helping vulnerable people get out of extortion online, and being there for the people in my life who have experienced that just for some randos online to lie to people about me.
The most I have made is your mom jokes and necro jokes, which I personally don't consider morally wrong, and if they are, then I'll work on it, but I don't have the same understanding of things like that. I never learned where the line is like most people have, and thats why Im dedicated to learning it in adulthood
And do not make drug use a moral issue. My "morality" about drug use is completely nonexistent because I grew up in that. I have spent many years heavily involved with drugs, I know exactly what its like, and nothing about drugs is a moral issue.
And here again the same issue of straight up fucking ableism bro. Don't try to shame me for not having conventional morals when you know damn well I, and many other people, struggle with conditions that impact that (ASPD). Hearing about the ableism towards people like me from these guys isn't surprising in the slightest
I'm not gonna say I didn't say those things, cuz like I said, I said those things, I made those jokes, and I've said worse. The difference now is that those things were said more than a year ago. It's insane how you act high and mighty and then judge me on things I said that long ago to friends who made the same jokes and encouraged that kind of behaviour (none of which I talk to anymore, for the exact reason that they encouraged my bad behaviour).
I said what I said, I know it was wrong, I take full accountability. I have spent my time since doing my best to be more than that. I have spent a lot of my time trying to adjust to moral and social norms, even when it gets really difficult and I have to deal with people like this who wont give me space to grow and change for the better.
I have amazing friends and mutuals and people in my life who support me because they know how hard I try. My girlfriend even is a fucking hardass and would NOT have put up with any of my shit if she didn't see how hard I try. I've spent a lot of time with people who are like how I was, people who have done and said much worse things than me, and I understand how uncomfortable and jarring it is. Thats exactly why I'm so passionate about being more than that. And thats why this situation bothers me so much.
You all talk about me and how I mention my disorder as if you're not just shitting on stuff that is directly tied into having ASPD. And to hear that you have a history of that stuff? Im not crazy to say theres a lot of ableism going on here. I will always be open and honest about the person I have been, but I want it to be used as a reference point for how much I've grown and changed since then.
I will always be an advocate for people like me. I will always give support and speak out for those who struggle with being treated like a bad person because of the things they say, not because of who they are. (And if you know anything about people, you know theres a huge difference)
You guys have been on me for MONTHS way after I blocked and went on with my life. In those months you've spent doing nothing but nitpicking everything single thing Ive ever done and constantly spreading negativity, I have been working on myself, and I hope that somewhere along the line, you guys have or will too
But anyways, I needed to get this out. I hope that this blows over and I can continue working on living a life full of joy and love and keeping the good people in my life. And despite everything, I hope that for all of you guys as well, I hope that you can find peace and some happiness where it counts
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single-malt-scotch · 11 months ago
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i have watched bdubs and scar and so im gonna talk abt SL again like i did before. obvs spoilers!
i keep my posts pretty meta/only about the game, its mechanics, balance etc so i have no bias on players own actions. but i do want to talk about players and the final moments for a minute here!
obvs i like bdubs a lot and hes been very good at getting to almost the finals in all the series. hope ppl realize that more. if he had more hearts like scar did im sure he could of have gotten further too. etho's ep isnt out but i saw him die in scar's and scar's ep was wild for sure. i mean damn, there was hardly a way etho could have escaped scar when he landed right on top of him, insane. obvs i dont have a view on the others i havent watched but it was interesting to see how they ganged up in this series for the end. scar winning made me happy too, hes a really good player!!
bbut onto the gameplay. i dont wanna repeat myself so im kinda using this as an overall conclusion + specific thoughts about the finale.
its been established clearly that mods assign specific tasks to people at times. and the warden/wither + bogey were not something i enjoyed. this season felt way too "directed" as it went on... and i also think the tasks ability to grant you so much good stuff (a LOT of hearts) is what kept everyone out of being red so easily! which is probably why they did the bogey zombies. which is really just poor balance that no one clearly tested (i recall grian implying before that they dont really test anything but dont quote me on that). maybe a way to have improved that would have been reds were the only ones to gain hearts, and yellow/greens could not. i knew from the start that the heart giving mechanics this season were kind of pointless or overpowered. gifting one heart? really...? that doesnt add up to much of anything in the long run imo unless you manage to get hearts from multiple people. and then on top of that you get hearts back from the secret keeper too. i would have loved if this season was simply "no regen and thats it!" like a sorta UHC deal where you only can heal with specific items (and not 30 hearts prob? bc i understand the tasks were kind of a way to possibly make them die).
on big forced tasks it only made sense with this episode, since everyone is red, so i dont mind that. but again.... they had to force this to happen which is annoying to me. also in terms of balance i really wished they bring back strict rules on enchantments because that also gets frustrating to watch. but perhaps i just like fairness in combat due to watching so much UHC, which also is a death game.
the other issues i had were with reds and red tasks. as pointed out they forced reds in the previous sessions but no one had any time to do red tasks?? and admittedly it was kind of boring bc people couldnt interact about it without failing. but they could not team up properly and i think that is what red life is all about. all the reds coming together because they *need* to face yellows and greens, and hunt people down. but instead the few reds there had to be alone to do their traps, another social issue with this series where tasks often pulled people away from others and left them with videos where they were very alone. there being no space for greens and yellows to exist and get hunted is something i think is great in previous seasons too and it just didnt happen. all that getting forced in that one session just didnt flow well to me.
really even trying to look back at episodes, i cant recall any notable interactions between people i enjoyed minus some brief pauses when they were traveling to do their tasks. there just wasnt a lot of typical socializing! and thats what i didnt like with this series. this plus the balance issues of lives just made this series feel messy, and the length of the episodes due to tasks could be kind of boring if the task was boring or even felt too stressful to force them into places where they could just die (these kinds of dangerous tasks given to greens or yellows felt unfair, as if it was trying to force them to die, and as a viewer i wouldnt want the game make my fave die!).
and as i mentioned in a different post, the lack of fixing some issues in multiple seasons is wild to me. this season faced the same issue as limlife where deaths were not in chat. the episode after, they fixed it (still with some bugs). and then it happened again last session.... and they didnt fix it! this is also annoying bc people dont react to the deaths at all which you kind of wanna see you know? actually im not even sure why they still did it this way. i imagined the clock running out made it more complicated for the system of fying to work. but why this season....? seemed like pretty forward deaths. idk the tech side, but they had 3 solid lives like all the other season, and there were never issues with the death messages happening at all.
but anyways. theres multiple parts of this i mentioned above that just made this gimmick feel so messy and unbalanced, and sometimes not super interesting to watch. it was way too complicated some times. i know theyll likely never do a repeat of the old versions but man idk if i cant find myself liking future seasons if they start stacking so much on top of what is a simple concept. it has started to feel like the three lives havent mattered at all/arent really the focus-- the anxiety of having three times. and the stakes become less and less due to some of these new gimmicks (the ability to gain lives in so many easy ways- limlife and secret life- is why imo) makes death feel less of a problem especially when we know how buddy buddy everyone is now. people need to be limited like before, and be more anxious. 3L, LL, and DL had people quickly establishing their friends bc they knew right from the get go that the series really depended on them being alive and nothing else. the only focus was to stay alive and not die. DL was where ppl kinda chilled a bit on alliances bc they knew each other more but, death was still right around the door with health being tied, it still brought a similar kind of anxiety for players.
i do hope people like grian can recognize these issues behind the scenes bc genuine critique for this series/season is important. like i hope they dont brush off the fact "hall monitors" were an issue-- they can ignore them openly in their videos.... but there is a reason why its a problem that started at all. the concept was way too subjective and hard to judge! so id hate for them to decide "eh, lets not listen to them, im gonna keep doing this and not consider the issue for a new season" right? and hour long episodes? thats crazy, and i dont think it was good for a lot of cc imo, because it made me way less likely to watch or even finish others' episodes. i hope that makes sense... stakes need to be raised, and i think limlife still achieved that to some degree because time was still very sensitive and risky to take. but then SL comes in bringing way too many things that keep them alive far too easily, leaving very little concern as long as they got their task in.
and last thing is from the outside pov i get concerned about this season happening only 6 months after the last one. because that would very very easily cause a burn out/inability to make more gimmicks real quick. i find this particularly odd bc this season too place through multiple holidays...! not sure if they thought this one through very well. considering how much limlife changed things in a way that was a bit more complicated, and then have SL with even more going on.... id just be worried about how much new stuff would even be made after this.
before this season started i was thinking to myself that i would be fine if this was the last one (it was speculation off some posting 3L compilations that was being me think itd be 'over' bc that was the first season). and truly i would be fine if they stopped forever for for a long time. i dont want to start disliking this series if they keep going in this direction... i will ALWAYS enjoy seeing these people play together and it will no doubt keep me watching but, i would hope that i will enjoy what they do for the next seasons and not fall down this path of convoluted, unbalanced and complicated concepts.
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