#but in the part where jimmy has killed everyone and is tripping out

[pawseds]

Ok guys hear me out. Mouthwashing works as a musical. So many monologues can be turned into songs. Swansea's monologue can be a solo. Anya's monologue can be a solo. Curly gets his I Want song and it probably has the word 'ladder' in its title. There's absolutely one track called 'I Hope This Hurts'. Heck, even cutscenes can turn ito songs. The Dead Pixel conversation. Curly's birthday and his announcement. Jimmy convincing Daisuke to climb into the vent (Jimmy sings the tune Daisuke sang when the latter was passed out on the ground, explaining why he's on the Tuplar and hoping his mom won't blame him). Jimmy repenting to Curly burning in a chair (and the track's name is definitely Heroes like in the game's OST). Even segments of surrealistic gameplay can be turned into songs (like aforementioned ladder song).

Characters can also have their own leitmotifs. Jimmy's first appears in a track called 'I Can Fix This', and it comes up in every scene he fucks up. Just like how the sound of a baby crying is a motif scattered through Mouthwashing's OST (like how the baby crying at the very start foreshadows how you're playing as Jimmy, not Curly), Anya's leitmotif is constantly everywhere, but always sounds incomplete, like a question with no answer, a cry for help with no response, since her existence and trauma is never fully acknowledged. It's only completed in her own solo, since she had to fend for herself in the end.

But wait. Why does the second half of her leitmotif sound familiar? Why does it sound like one of the opening numbers 'Polly Says' whose corporate-cheerful juxtaposes the Tuplar's crews mundane routine? This bit ties into that theory of Polly being Anya's vengence in a way, with how the two have the same text colour in a game where all characters have unique text colours. When Anya dies, the Polly half of the leitmotif constantly haunts the tracks or something up until 'Polly Says, Reprise' plays in that final conversation between Jimmy and Polly. Maybe Anya's leitmotif comes back in that scene. Idk. I don't study theatre or music but this idea just struck me like lightning. In this essay I will-

[on1knee4marksmen]

Bundle of Joy

Old man Logan x reader

—☀︎——☀︎——☀︎——☀︎——☀︎——☀︎——☀︎—

Whew,finally!! I've been keeping this thing in drafts for like a week now, all because of school (😠)

This is originally a request from @fluff-lover (I forgot to answer to their ask) :

"I had this idea of Old man Logan and reader living a quiet life in a cabin, and a pregnant dog comes to their door. Reader takes her in and helps her until she's given birth and the puppies are ready for their forever home. Logan has to drive to the shelter with the puppies to drop them off, but knowing Reader got attached he decides to surprise them by bringing home one of the puppies."

I absolutely loved this idea when I read it, so I really really hope this is what you imagined 🤞

Pairing: Old man Logan x reader

Words: 1,6k ish

Description: Look at the ask above,pretty much that + Laura in the picture bc I love her 3000

Warnings: Not many. Couple of swear words + me rambling; excessive use of the word "and" (my bad)

Tags: Fluff, domestic Logan :), reader sees Laura as their daughter, reader gets referred to as Logan's wife (I don't think there are any other lady reader indicators), attachments being formed with puppies (I love animals), Logan being the dad that says 'I don't want any pets' but then being found guilty of snuggling with the dog on the couch💔

A/n: English isn't my first language and I absolutely hate tenses, so lmk if there's anything I should fix :)

—————————☀︎——————————

James Howlett. Jimmy. Logan. Patch. The Wolverine.

How did a man that lived long enough to get called all those names end up here? Driving a limo, owning reading glasses and having to deal with aching bones?

And he's not driving a customer around this time — on the passenger seat next to him is an open box. Full of fucking puppies.

What had happened to get Logan here?

Well, it all started a month ago. You'd just came back to the little cabin you and Logan had the privilege of calling a home – after Charles sadly passed, you'd offered Logan to cross the border along with Laura and build a home. Start anew. And God, who was he to deny you?

So anyways, you'd just come home after work. Logan was, for once, early, already hanging his coat. Laura was on a week-long trip with her class, which left you and your husband some time to spend together, just you and him..

Or so he thought. Upon going back to the front door to great you, he had heard your voice, soft and mumbly, almost cooing at someone. Or something. His usual wrapping his arms around you and welcoming you home with a kiss – he'd do anything to catch a glimpse of that sweet smile of yours, even after all these years – turned into an eyebrow raise and a soft look of curiousity in Logan's eyes.

"Hi, darlin'. ..Who're you talking to?"

Too swallowed up in trying to get the mystery.. individual to follow you in, your head had whipped around in surprise at Logan's words. ...And a tiny smile adorned your features the moment you saw him.

"Lo, you're back early!" You called out, and your arms immediately outstretched, as if it was an automatic reaction to catching his gaze.

Aaand here it was. A man that everyone convinced he was a weapon his whole life, that he was born to kill, was now getting flustered and giddy at the sensation of the beautiful woman he got the privilege to call his wife, planting soft little kisses aaalll over his face. And he wasn't grumpy about it either – he was smiling like an idiot.

But the smile dropped to a surprised part of his lips, his eyes widening, as they got met with a rather interesting sight. As you hugged him,he had the chance to look at whatever was behind your back. And now he realized why you were cooing.

A dog. A not so big, yet not so small dog with glossy eyes and an almost sad look on its muzzle.

And it was kind of..round, too.

And that's when it sort of clicked for Logan. He pulled back, wide eyes looking down at you with astonishment, interest and some disbelief. "Where did uh... Where'd the lil' guy come from?"

It had taken you a while to understand what he was talking about. But some confused looks and a long 'Ooooh!' later, you were already explaining. "The little guy's actually a girl - she's been in the neighborhood for a while now. I gave her leftover meat once, so I guess she came back for more."

A pause. "... She's pregnant." Yeah. Logan could see that. But with the way your voice had softened, he didn't dare tease. "I was.. hoping we could take her in. Help her with the cubs... I mean, she looks really pregnant."

At first, Logan had stayed silent. Stayed skeptical. A stray? And a pregnant one, at that? Who knew what kind of diseases she could be carrying?? And yeah,he couldn't get sick and neither could Laura, but what about you? He couldn't bare anything bad happening to you...

But then, oh, then, he saw that look in your eyes. It's like he couldn't decide which one of you was giving him sadder puppy eyes - you or the literal dog behind you. And then you had given one simple "..please?" And he couldn't resist - he caved.

And so, the one month of taking care of the stray doggo had begun. You'd taken her to the vet to make sure everything was okay, just to ease Logan's paranoia. It had been hard for him to get used to her in the house at first anyway, however - and that was without having Laura around and having to explain to her what she could and couldn't do in order to not scare the poor thing - loud music or yelling wouldn't be a treat for the poor pup, even if Laura didn't do those so often.

It was a change of pace, that's for sure. Having yet another mouth to feed, even if it wasn't that hard to mix dog food with some meat twice a day. Having a four-pawed, big-eyed pet walking around the house, laying on the couch, sleeping on your shared bed...

What he couldn't get used to was having your attention on the pup more than on him.

Some might call it jealousy. It definitely wasn't jealousy.

...It was totally jealousy.

At first,it had stunned you to see Logan more grumpy than the usual. I mean, yeah, he'd barely agreed and yeah, he wasn't used to a pet, moreso a pregnant one, but why was he looking at the damn dog so weird every time you gave it a scratch or cooed at it?

And then it had dawned on you. He wanted head scratches too. Wanted you to coo at him and coddle him. And oh boy, did he get teased.

After you figured out why he was being more of a grump than usual, you got a good laugh out of it, (and you got to see your husband as red as a tomato) but after that, you made sure to give equal attention to both the pup and Logan himself. You made up to him with a looot of kisses, cuddles, even a back massage.

And the problem was quickly resolved.

A week in, Laura got to know the pup as well. After a 5 or so minute talk about pregnant animals and dogs and whatnot, during the whole entirety of which the girl had been silent, Laura asked a pretty good question.

"Does she have a name?"

And it hit you - she didn't.

And then came the next question of your daughter's - "Can I name her?"

That's how the dog ended up with her own name - Bella.

The following three weeks were a new experience for Laura as well, but she seemed to love having Bella around, just as much as you did. She'd help you with her food, offer to come with you to walk her in the evenings, she even tried to get the pup to sleep on her bed once.

But eventually, the time had come for Bella to give birth. You had done all necessary research - whether or not to interfere, how to help, what was normal and what wasn't. When you'd recognised Bella's odd behaviour as going into labour, you immediately scurried to join her side in the corner of your bedroom, crouching down to be closer to her.

After you gained awareness on Logan's little... problem - and solved it - your husband began to warm up to Bella too. You'd begun finding the dog curled up close to him while he read when you came home, he, in turn, had begun to help with her food. He'd stopped complaining about the dog sleeping in your shared bed. He'd even began petting her more than he'd like to admit.

——————————☀︎——————————

What you hadn't expected was for Logan to join your side too.

Bella had given birth with little to no complications - and her pups were just so tiny and so cute! It warmed your heart just thinking about it - the stray you took in had just had eight healthy puppies, eight! And, with the way Bella herself was eagerly trying to lick at your hand when you went to pet her, despite the exhaustion that must've been seeping through her, told you that she was as grateful as ever, too. It made your eyes water, even if you wouldn't admit it.

You and Logan had gladly let Bella stay until her pups were at least four months old. But both you and your husband knew that after they were bug enough, you had to give them to a dog pound - you couldn't feed eight more pups, you couldn't assure they were living their best life.

That time you hadn't hidden the tears. And that time, Logan hadn't said a word as he hugged you. He understood. Because he'd grown attached to the doggo too.

Aaand, back to present - here he was, driving a box full of puppies, lined with newspapers to try and keep the little things as comfortable as possible. Bella was in there too, looking up at him with those big, glossy eyes. It hurt to turn to the right exactly because he knew he'd likely never see her again..

You'd never see her again, either. He knew how sad that made you, and it made him even sadder knowing it. He was going to come home to you, to Laura, to his house, but he'd no longer her the sound of long nails and furry paws hitting the floor. He'd no longer have soft fur to absentmindedly stroke while he reads.

He'd left home with nine bundles of joy in a box, and he'd come home empty-handed.

...At least that's what you thought. Until you saw your husband open the door with one hand. Smiling softly.

(Another) A/n: Thank you so much for the love on my recent fics! I love when you guys leave silly tags when you repost btw, so don't be shy <33

Because his other hand was too busy holding one of Bella's puppies, letting the little bundle of joy get accustomed to its home. Your little bundle of joy.

[thetomorrowshow]

hubris killed the god - ch 3

first part

my apologies i can’t link the previous chapter or future ones as this is all queued in advance!

cw: blood, fear, apocalypse

~

As they find out the next morning, the border isn’t the only issue.

“The airship’s almost out of fuel,” False tells them over breakfast, eaten standing around in the church foyer while Scott finishes an updated map of Sanctuary’s border. “I have maybe enough for one more trip to somewhere like Glimmer Grove. Wherever we go next, it had better be the last place, or somewhere with a good amount of coal.”

Jimmy scratches his head, cowboy hat on the table beside him. “Well, coal is priority, then,” he says. “I’m pretty sure Sanctuary doesn’t have any to spare. Is there anywhere we know of that might have some?”

“Gobland had tons,” fWhip says listlessly. He looks exhausted, Scott notices, green skin almost grey and eyelids heavy with sleep. “Not that it matters.”

“We had some,” Gem offers. “But we passed over Dawn on the way to pick up Katherine, and it’s just. . . .”

She doesn't finish her thought. Scott can imagine it, though—the bright buildings of Dawn completely blanketed in a writhing blackness, no remnant remaining of the people who once lived there.

It’s true for . . . everyone, he realizes. All of the empires except for Sanctuary have been overrun. He’d seen it happen in his own home, his buildings covered in mites, all his resources inaccessible. He can only imagine that it’s worsened since his rescue.

They either need to find a way to end this plague, or they need to find a way to get fuel. Waiting it out isn’t an option, as yesterday’s discoveries have proved.

But surely, there’s nowhere that isn’t touched.

“Where haven’t we been?” Scott asks after a moment. “Like, are there places we haven’t checked?”

“The Olipelago,” Jimmy says immediately. “We sent the bard a messenger bird, but the bird never returned. Same for Pix.”

“Of course, with Pix’s excavation work, he’s sure to have tons of fuel,” Gem puts in, something in her voice belying a previous argument. “We haven't even looked for him—he could’ve sealed himself in the tombs—”

“We’ve had this conversation, and I said no,” Jimmy says forcefully. He glares at Gem. “It’s too much of a risk. Especially after losing Shelby.”

Scott’s itching to ask about what happened, why it’s such a risk, why Jimmy is unwilling to let this argument rehash. But Gem only huffs and turns away, and Jimmy pinches the bridge of his nose, and Scott knows he isn’t going to get any answers right now. Which is rude, really. If you’re going to reference past drama, you ought to provide context.

Nobody speaks as they finish eating. Scott adjusts his collar a bit, trying to think through the somber mood.

Everywhere they’d passed over in the airship had been unrecognizable, claimed in patches by the darkness. The mites had spread to everywhere they could reach—Scott can remember climbing onto the roof of his house while patching the hole in it and looking out over the rolling fields, fields and fields of impenetrable darkness, razing through Lower Stratos and beyond, Upper Stratos lonely and forgotten as it watched those below vanish into the darkness—

“Stratos,” he says aloud, because—well, of course, the mites can’t fly, Stratos is in the air and inaccessible. “Stratos has to have something, and they can’t reach it.”

fWhip lifts his head. Jimmy’s hand falls from his face, eyes far away.

“It could work,” Jimmy says slowly. “You’re sure Stratos is . . . safe?”

“When I was last there, it was fine. Abandoned, but fine,” Scott says. He can feel his excitement building. This could work. He’s pulling his weight. “It has to have something. And Joel had a Nether portal entrance—”

“Not possible,” Jimmy cuts him off. “We don’t know if they can travel through the Nether, but they mob the portals. No way in.”

“Well, he has a water elevator,” Scott continues. He’s only used it once, but he’s sure he can remember how to use it. “It’s usually raised, but he showed me where the lever was in case of an emergency.”

“What are we waiting for, then?” Katherine says. She glances around at everyone. “Let’s go.”

“It’s not that simple—” fWhip starts, but False cuts him off.

“I can’t risk that,” she says bluntly. “If there’s nothing there, we’re grounded. If you all want to walk there, be my guest, but my ship isn’t going to Stratos on a chance.”

Jimmy sighs, wordlessly picks up his plate. Others follow suit, gathering their dishes and trash, and just like that, the impromptu meeting is adjourned.

Scott can’t let that happen. Maybe the others don’t quite understand what’s going on, but the border is shrinking. Soon, they’ll have no space, no Sanctuary, and if this is their only chance to prepare for an escape, Scott’s willing to take it.

“All right,” he says loudly. “I’ll walk.”

fWhip freezes. False frowns, opens her mouth to speak, but Scott keeps going.

“There aren’t enough of them to totally cover the ground. If I’m loud enough, I should be able to carve a path straight to Stratos.” He swallows. “I’m not going to sit around, waiting to die,” he says, voice shaking a bit. Not like he’d done previously, huddled in his room with a shovel trained at the door, his llamas dying all around him with no hope of survival, no way out. That can’t happen again. He won’t let it. “I’m going to try. None of you have to go with me.”

“I’ll go with you,” Katherine says immediately. “They’re afraid of me, a little. I think we could make it.”

Scott nods to her in thanks. His knees are a little weak—maybe because he just signed himself up for certain death, maybe because he just spoke out without thinking about how the others would react—but he feels a little stronger with Katherine backing him up.

Jimmy sighs, shakes his head. “I’m right there with you,” he says, then adds, “if Shelby made it as long as she did, I reckon we can get to Stratos.” Then Jimmy nods, shoves his hat onto his head, and strides out of the room.

That makes the conversation officially over, Scott thinks, so he heads out too, up to his room.

He’s got a mission to prepare for.

-

False gets them as far as beyond the Evermoor, drops them off at the fringes of the enchanted forest and heads back to Sanctuary with a salute.

They’ve figured in a couple of days for this trip, with how carefully they have to move. Stratos is nearly on the other side of the map from Sanctuary, but it’s not a trek that they haven’t made before. There’s a decent path beaten between most of the empires, and Scott knows the closer they get to more civilization, the wider (and safer) that path will become. For now, it’s little more than a footpath, weeds springing up through it, so they move single-file: Katherine leading, brandishing her battleaxe; Jimmy in the middle, stomping as loudly as possible and shaking tambourines; fWhip behind him, ears and eyes swiveling and checking every which way to ensure nothing sneaks up beside them and pickaxe strapped to his back; and Scott walking backwards and bringing up the rear, glaring at any mites that dare approach, trusty shovel held aloft.

And, somehow, it works.

It’s a little bit terrifying. But the noise has any mites on the paths scurrying to the grass, and Katherine swings at any that get too close, and they quail under Scott’s gaze.

They travel all day, not speaking, so close that they bump into each other repeatedly. And really, despite all the clamor that Jimmy’s making, it’s . . . quiet.

The whole world is almost silent. There are animals to run through the tall grass, no bird taking flight above. The leaves, dipped in inky blackness, make no noise against each other when the wind buffers them around.

It’s quiet. It’s too quiet, and it’s disquieting.

They pass the Rift around midday, the dim glow of it visible even through the hundreds of mites piled around it and crawling all over it. Scott allows himself a moment to stare at it, before turning his eyes back on the road behind him.

“What do you think that was, anyway?” he asks, loud enough to be heard over Jimmy’s jangling (the tambourines are now looped through his belt and banging against his hips, giving his arms a rest).

There’s a telltale swooshing sound that Scott knows, after hours of hearing it, means Katherine swung her axe across the ground like a scythe. “What what was?” she calls back to him.

“The Rift.”

“A portal, of some sort,” Jimmy pipes up. “When . . .  when Lizzie left, she meant to go through it. I don’t know if she ever made it.”

Being a portal would explain the glowing, purple quality of it. “So it goes to the Nether?”

“No,” Jimmy says. “We weren’t sure where it went. fWhip sent something through, actually, the day before everything . . . happened. It wasn’t in the Nether, and there’s no portals there that lead to the Rift.”

“Yep,” fWhip confirms. “One of my hogs. Miss that guy.”

So . . . to another dimension, possibly. Not the Nether, not the End. Some secret third place.

Maybe some place swarming with mites. Somewhere the mites had come from.

Scott swallows, hikes his shovel up a bit higher, and resolves never to go through the Rift. If Lizzie made it there as she intended . . . well. They may as well hold a funeral.

They continue on, and Scott tries not to let his thoughts wander too far. Whenever he does start to dwell too much on the futility of their situation, the deaths of his friends, or whatever dark thought takes hold of him, he forces his mind to blankness.

And blankness quickly gives way to pain.

The thing that he must’ve forgotten about traveling long distances is that it takes a toll. And mostly walking backwards, depending on fWhip to keep him on track, Scott’s been stretching muscles that he didn’t even know existed. His thighs have never felt worse, and when he’s so frequently having to redirect his thoughts, he often lands on just how much he aches.

“Wish we could take a break,” he grumbles at some point. Jimmy laughs wryly.

“Just keep going, Scott,” says Katherine, practically out of breath. “Everything will be worth it when we get there.”

None of them mention the fact that there may not be any coal in Stratos. Nor do they mention the little fact that if there’s nothing there, they’ll have to make the long trek back, crossing through the Evermoor this time.

So Scott keeps walking backwards, and keeps glaring at the plaguelings that threaten to converge upon them, and does his best to ignore the pain slowly gnawing away at his muscles.

They have quite a few scares and close calls—at one point, they end up in a dead sprint, hollering at the top of their lungs to try to scare the things away—but only one other roadside attraction: the mites that have been creeping after them, lingering on the edges of Scott’s vision, piling up atop each other like cairns marking the path, just . . . vanish.

Scott checks right and left, but they’re gone. They’re just . . . gone.

“Um . . . guys—” he starts to say, but Katherine cuts him off.

“They’re on that giant dodo.”

He cranes his neck around, looking ahead of their party for a brief moment. Sure enough, a good hundred meters away from their path, is the most mites he’s ever seen in one place.

What has to be thousands of specks of darkness are mobbing a singular animal carcass, too mutilated for Scott to tell what it is—though he’ll gladly take Katherine’s word for it being a dodo. He feels a little nauseated as he watches—and he’s reminded of checking on Martina in the inn, finding her dead and crawling with those things as if they were devouring her whole.

“They feed on dead things,” fWhip says in an aside to Scott, as he looks back to the road. “And they . . . multiply, or reproduce, or something. Grow from it, maybe. So they’ll abandon us for something dead—it gives them a chance to grow in numbers.”

And if that isn’t a horrendous bit of knowledge. It makes sense—every llama that died had brought a new legion of plague upon him, apparently eating the corpses but perhaps, in actuality, growing from them.

Scott shudders. Hopefully he never has to witness it up close.

They arrive just as the sun begins to set. Lower Stratos isn’t too hard to pick their way through, seeing as Joel made large enough roads that they have ample space to leap away when a mite comes skittering out from under a building.

There’s not as many of them as Scott had expected—plenty, of course, but they aren’t lining every single brick, blanketing the entire city. Maybe they’d gotten bored of the city, dead as it was, the upper level unattainable and taunting.

Or maybe they’re hiding in the crevices, waiting for one of them to split from the group before launching their attack.

Something tickles the back of Scott’s leg.

He panics, kicking at the air—one of them got him—he loses his balance, falls onto Jimmy with a great clang! as they both (and both tambourines) hit the road hard.

He scrambles up, tugging up his pant leg to check—nothing.

Actually, one of the seams inside the leg has pulled out a bit, a singular thread left hanging loose, ready to tickle his leg at any time.

“What happened? Did one get you?” Jimmy demands, pulling himself up.

An ashamed laugh (with the brim of relieved tears, for that brief second it had been the end of Scott Smajor and he hadn’t ever had time to mourn any of it) bubbles out of Scott’s throat, and he scuffs at the road a bit with his shoe. “False alarm,” he says, then, to avoid having to confront the embarrassing situation and the heat flooding his cheeks, he shoulders past both fWhip and Katherine (who had stopped to help them up) and leads the way to the elevator.

The elevator is an empty space in the middle of Lower Stratos. There’s a rectangular trench dug into the ground (lined with magma) with a couple of mechanical workings around it, such as the stand for the button. It’s otherwise bare, but for several floating glass panes in the sky above them—more to encase the water than the lift itself. All of the glass cuts off about ten feet above their heads, making it far enough away that there’s no way the mites will be able to climb up the sides.

He hits the summoning switch, watches as the water flows down through the glass of the elevator chamber. The cab itself falls with it, lined with water on three sides (which flows into the trench to avoid overspill), the fourth open for them to step into.

“I’ll go up first with fWhip,” Jimmy instructs, drawing his pistol. He waves fWhip into the elevator, steps into it behind him. “We’ll do a quick scan of the place. If everything looks fan-dabi-dozi, I’ll give you a shout and you can lower the elevator and come up yourselves. Sound good?”

Scott swallows, then nods. There’s nothing to be nervous about, really. This is the safest part of the mission so far, all the hard stuff is over. “Just—there’s a button labeled ‘up’ in the elevator,” he says lamely. “Hit that.”

Jimmy gives him a quick nod, then smacks the button with his elbow, both hands gripping his gun. With a sound of shifting pistons, the magma in the trench switches out for soul sand and the elevator shoots up, bubbles flying past.

Scott tears his eyes away and toward their surroundings. A handful of mites scatter from where they’ve bundled up several meters away, each fleeing in a different direction.

Katherine sends him an odd look. Scott ignores it, just keeps watch. It wouldn’t do to die here, in the ruins of Lower Stratos, leaving Jimmy and fWhip stranded.

There’s a distant call from above, and Scott turns back to find the elevator slowing to a stop before them. He clears his throat—Katherine looks over—and steps in.

His heart drops a fraction as the cab rocks, sloshing about in the water. Katherine’s face goes positively green when she steps in.

“Oh, it’s like being in a tiny boat,” she says, voice pitched an octave higher than normal. “That’s fine.”

“It is surrounded by water,” Scott points out.

Katherine shoves him lightly, then grabs his shirt when the cab rocks further. “Okay. Just don’t move, and we’re fine.” Rather pointedly, she doesn’t release him.

Scott doesn’t bring up that the one time Joel had let him up through the elevator (he’d been so proud of it, so eager to show it off to someone that he didn’t even mind Scott’s status as a non-god, apparently, despite so often proclaiming his lesser worth), he’d suggested a handrail. Something to hold onto when the bubbles got choppy.

Joel had clearly ignored his input. Not that Scott can really be mad at him about it now. It feels weird to think ill of the dead, even if he had been a bit of a pompous jerk before all this.

And really, it’s all just another reminder that he hasn’t had the time to properly process any of this. It’s been—what, a week? A week since he was rescued? Maybe a bit longer? He’d lost all of his llamas and several friends and—

And he doesn’t have time to process it now, either. It’s the apocalypse, and he’s in a shaky elevator trying to find coal to fuel their possible escape route in a dead god’s empty kingdom.

Scott inhales deeply, then presses the button.

Katherine actually screams a little, clutching his shirt tighter and falling against him, because the elevator really does rocket up. Scott barely keeps his footing himself, his stomach in his mouth and heart in his boots. So this is how they die, in an elevator that overshoots and sends them flying into the air, only to come down with a splat against the ground—

And then the elevator jerks to a stop, swinging a little. The water cushions it enough that Scott and Katherine don’t slam their heads against the roof of the cab, but they are knocked against the wall. Scott loses his balance and pulls Katherine down with him, scraping his chin on the concrete outside of the cab.

He hisses, crawls off of Katherine (who, by some miracle, had managed to avoid hitting her head), then presses a hand to his chin, ignoring how it hurts. He doesn’t remember packing bandages or any sort of ointment—they’d all assumed, silently, that if there was an injury it was going to spell the end for that person. If there was a situation in which they’d need first aid supplies, that person was likely already beyond help.

Somehow, in their panic over the touch of the plague, they’d forgotten about simple human accidents.

He stands, shifting the way his shovel sits in his belt, the flat of the blade having pressed sharply against his pelvis in their fall. He grits his teeth—his chin really stings. Maybe he can find something like first aid around here?

Who is he kidding—Joel was a god, he had no need to worry about mortal scrapes and bruises. There won’t be anything in Upper Stratos to help him.

And then Scott looks up, and really takes in Upper Stratos.

It’s. . . .

It’s sad.

Upper Stratos looks almost exactly how it had before all this. The towering buildings are the same, all white and gold, all wonderful craftsmanship.

But it’s all wrong.

The heavenly glow that had lit the building materials themselves is gone, leaving the walls dark and bland in comparison. There’s no glimmer to the gold, no sparkle to the concrete, no life to the dry fountains and yellowed grass.

There aren’t any cobwebs, or animals (there are so few animals anywhere, but their absence here is somehow extra noticeable) taking up residence, or any sort of physical decay. But there isn’t any power to the city, the heart of it cut out and condemning the city to rigor mortis.

fWhip has his pickaxe out, pressed flush against a building across the floating island from Scott. As he watches, fWhip taps it lightly with his pick, then frowns and moves on.

Jimmy’s already across at one of the other islands, pistol still held out in front of him. He kicks open a door, ducks his head inside, then moves on to the next building.

It feels wrong. It isn’t right for them to be here, rummaging through the untouched memorial of a dead god. Even if it was hubris that did him in.

This was a place of honor, the city seems to scream. This is a place of remembrance.

“Taking in the sights?” Katherine asks beside him, looking a bit more steady, and Scott shakes himself from his reverie.

He gestures to the city wordlessly, but Katherine just frowns. “C’mon, Scott, we gotta get going. Head that way, shout if you find coal.”

Nobody else cares, he realizes. Maybe they don’t see the lack of grandeur—or maybe, something niggles at the back of his mind, he’d been the only one able to see the grandeur in the first place—, but they don’t care about disrespect to the dead and their tombs, as long as it helps keep them alive.

Scott knows firsthand the consequences of such foolhardiness, but he says nothing. Surely whatever curse Joel has left on this place is no worse than the certain death of the plague just outside their front door.

They can’t just . . . let it happen, can they? They can’t just sit in Sanctuary for the next couple of weeks, or months, or however long it is until the boundaries give entirely, their crops dying bit by bit and their animals keeling over to an invulnerable plague.

So Scott ignores his instincts and begins to explore what appears to have once been a garden of some sort—judging by the dead plants, a sunflower garden, murals wrapping the pillars and arches that line the island. Scott crumbles one of the crisp, brown petals between his fingers, idly wandering through the garden.

He has the strangest sense, he realizes, as he looks around at murals that no longer seem to hold any meaning, that there’s something behind him.

There’s nothing—he checks over his shoulder several times as he walks a bit further into the garden, but he’s alone.

There’s one mural that captures his attention, and he stares at it for maybe longer than he should. It doesn’t look like anything, just a bunch of colors and two small splashes of white near the middle. It feels . . . like it doesn’t quite belong here. And it doesn’t mean anything, of course—if this were some average temple Scott was raiding, he’d bypass it without a second thought, but something pulls him to it. It’s like . . . it’s like a puzzle, one last message from Joel that he’s meant to figure out. 

He feels, again, that insistence that there’s something behind him, but he hadn’t heard anything moving. He can’t even hear his companions.

Upper Stratos isn’t so big that he shouldn’t be able to hear people.

Scott backs out of the garden slowly, paranoia going haywire, jumping at every sound his own feet make against the concrete. The murals—the murals had meant something, hadn’t they, they’d been something once upon a time, but now the prime one is a mess of greens and yellows and there are two eyes right in the center and they’re begging him, pleading him to turn back, go back, this is no safe haven—

He turns and flat-out runs, right back to the elevator where he stops to catch his breath—right beside the small smear of blood where he’d fallen. He spins around—no one in sight, but getting away feels far less pressing out here than it did in the somewhat-enclosed garden space. Out here he can believe that Katherine’s in that building with the open door, that fWhip is behind that blacksmith with his pickaxe tapping against the wall.

Scott kicks a bit at the blood. It mars the paving of Stratos, and he doesn’t really like the idea of leaving his blood here, so he bends down and starts unscrewing the cork of his waterskin, intending to wash it away.

Instead, his eyes catch on the elevator shaft below, visible through a crack between the ground and where the elevator cab has floated up a bit, unburdened by their weight.

There’s. . . .

There are piles of black gathering at the waterfall.

And there is a mite crawling around the glass panes that are too far for them to reach.

And there is a mite pushing its way through the flow of the water, up to join the other on the glass.

They can swim.

When Scott screams, there’s no words to it. He’s screaming for help, for the others to come back, to see that their escape route is compromised, but he can't seem to form any words.

They’d noted, in their brief planning session before setting out, that the mites couldn’t drown. Couldn’t easily be washed away, clinging to the ground with all their strength.

They’d all considered, briefly, the possibility that the things could swim. They’d all dismissed the thought.

Scott pauses to take a gasping breath, and he hears the sound of running footsteps slapping against the ground. He looks up to see fWhip turning the corner of a building, running toward him.

“What is it?” fWhip demands, skidding to a stop at his side. “What happened, what’s—?”

Scott points over the edge of Stratos. fWhip frowns, crouches down to peer over the side.

Scott watches as the color drains from his face.

Neither of them say anything. They don’t even speak as first Katherine, then Jimmy, run up to join them, all four leaning over the edge of Upper Stratos.

“Right,” Jimmy says suddenly, standing from where he’s knelt beside the three of them. “I’ll message False. It’ll take her an hour or more to get here. We need to find coal, or else we aren’t making it home.”

fWhip leans back on his heels, and Katherine straightens, but Scott keeps staring over the edge.

They don’t move towards them as long as he keeps his eyes on them.

“I’ll head that way,” fWhip volunteers, and Jimmy points Katherine another way.

“If you see one, make a lot of noise and run,” Jimmy says, voice low and serious. “Come back to the open space here if you can, it’ll be easiest to defend. Scott, are you. . . ?”

“I’ll stay here and hold them off,” Scott says, watching as one of them on the glass shudders and crawls down under his gaze.

There’s silence, then fWhip asks, slowly, “How?”

Scott gestures down below. “They don’t come closer if you look directly at them. I’ll stay here and keep them at bay.”

More silence.

“Right,” Jimmy says after a moment. “You do that. fWhip?”

“On it.”

Each of them give him a light pat on the shoulder, then head off in their separate directions.

And Scott stays in place, and suddenly wonders if he’s the only one who’s noticed that the mites hate eye contact. The others, after all, had left for Sanctuary long before it had gotten as drastic as it had in Chromia—apart from Katherine, who apparently had been holding them off on her skills as a monster hunter alone.

And then, of course, Scott remembers that he was the only one to see the woven magic around Sanctuary, and he appears to be the only one who can see the lack of godly influence on the city, and perhaps his magical eye can do more than just see magic.

Scott turns his glare on a group of mites making their way up the water with a renewed vigor. If he’s the only one who can hold them off, then he absolutely has to do his best to keep his friends safe.

He keeps them at bay for quite some time, but at some point they start slipping by in the edges of his vision, crawling around each other and hiding in the shadows of floating buildings to keep out of his range.

He tries. He really, really, tries.

But it’s not long before Scott has to acknowledge that some have made it past his gaze. There have to be some on the bottom of the island, some that he can’t see, and they’re on their way up.

He’s not sure how long it’s been. Definitely not an hour. But it looks like it’s time to fall back.

They haven’t given him a communicator yet—it’s barely been a week, after all, since his rescue—so he just shouts at the top of his lungs.

“They’ve got this island! Move to a center island!”

Then he scrambles back over the thin bridge to the island with the deadened garden and waits, slowly rotating every couple of seconds to make sure there aren’t any mites creeping up behind him.

Scott swallows, throat dry—but he doesn’t want to reach for his water skin, instead leaving his hands ready and open for drawing his shovel.

This is far too similar to his last days in Chromia for him to feel comfortable.

He tries to breathe in, slowly, but his breath releases far too soon in a gasp that he can’t control. They’re going to be cornered again, with no way out, and it’s not been an hour and they’ll be dead by the time False finds them and then she won’t have enough fuel to get back to Sanctuary and then Sausage and Gem will be left without half their team and their only method of transportation—

Katherine and fWhip exit from a squat building an island away, each lugging a burlap sack full of something heavy. They carry them over to Scott, the bridge creaking ominously under their weight. Scott watches the ground around their feet like a hawk, ready to catch any mites that target them.

“Coal!” fWhip declares, grinning nervously. “Not much, but should be enough to get a couple more trips out of the ship. Then maybe we can find more?”

Katherine meets Scott’s eyes and he swallows, glances away. As if there’s anywhere else they can find more coal.

“It’s been close to an hour,” Katherine changes the subject. “False should arrive soon, right?”

“Maybe,” Scott mutters, glancing around—no mites behind him, that’s good—before scanning the sky. He can’t see anything.

The sky’s too bright and blue for the early evening. The sun seems almost cheerful where it sinks, the clouds fluffy and floating lazily.

It isn’t right. It isn’t right that they’re here, surrounded by death, cornered and trapped, while the sky seems to celebrate its summer.

It’s all so wrong. Scott can’t believe, for a second, that they’re meant to be here. That they’re meant to have to fight in the last days of their lives, nor that their lives are ending so suddenly. He can’t believe that any greater power would subject them to such destruction for no reason, and they’ve not done anything!

Maybe that’s why Sausage spends so much time locked in the chapel, praying to the god of harvest and sunflowers and death as a season. He doesn’t understand either, the world that they’ve somehow ended up in.

There’s something black crawling in the corner of Scott’s vision.

He whips around, glares, and though it squirms back out of view under the island, it’s too late. They’re under this island too, moving with a hunger he hadn’t expected.

They don’t have time to get out of here.

There’s a loud bang from their left, cracking like a gunshot, and all three of them turn to see Jimmy, running for his life from a tall, white-and-blue building, the door still swinging behind him.

His running is frantic, uneven, hat hanging onto his throat by the string and his boots landing heavily against the paved road until he crosses to their island.

Jimmy stops in front of them, near doubled-over, out of breath and face drained of its blood. He swallows several times, adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, and when he looks up, there’s a fear in his eyes that Scott’s never seen from the Sheriff.

“Jimmy, are you all right?” Katherine asks, pushing past Scott to see him. Jimmy shies away from her outstretched arm. “I—you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Jimmy winces, looks around her at fWhip. “I—” he starts, cutting himself off with a small, awful sound. “I think one of them got me.”

Scott’s stomach drops.

No. No, he can’t lose someone like this, not another person, not their leader—

There’s tears in Scott’s eyes before he even knows what’s happening. He’s losing Jimmy. He can’t—Jimmy’s supposed to be safe, he’s supposed to be different. He isn’t supposed to die in an apocalypse, just another loss. He’s supposed to save them all.

“What did you see?” fWhip asks quickly. It takes Scott aback for a moment, before remembering his and fWhip’s conversation from the other day—hallucinations are one of the first signs of contamination, sometimes presenting before the infected even realizes that they’ve been touched by death.

Jimmy opens his mouth, ready to speak, when the door he’d exited so hurriedly from slams open.

All eyes turn toward it and the figure in the doorway, who stands there, glancing around at the area, before focusing in on their group and pointing an accusing finger at Jimmy.

“You shut the door in my face!” Shelby yells.

Shelby.

Scott almost sprints for her—out of all the rulers, he’d considered her to be the most like a friend, and it’s so good to see her again when she’d been presumed dead before he’d even been rescued.

There’s no need for him to join her, however, as she storms across to their island, crushing a dead sunflower head beneath the single rubber boot she’s wearing, the other foot covered by a dirty sock.

Scott’s holding his breath, he realizes, as Shelby approaches the group, very clearly sizes them all up, then slaps Jimmy hard across the face.

“You shut the door on me!” she says, crossing her arms, brows drawn down over her eyes in a picture of anger. Despite her height, she seems to tower over Jimmy. “I just—you let me think one of ‘em finally got me, and left?! You little—”

“Shelby!” Katherine interrupts, taking a careful step forward. “I—you’re alive!”

Shelby turns to Katherine, and the intense ferocity in every line of her face softens somewhat. “I—Katherine,” she greets, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “You’re alive, too!”

“Shelby!” fWhip launches himself into a hug, and Shelby giggles a little, hugging him back.

Jimmy shrinks back, subtly stepping behind Scott. Scott raises a brow, but Jimmy doesn’t answer and he doesn’t really care, because Shelby’s alive.

She’s actually here, right in front of him, in the flesh. He can see her. He can touch her.

She hugs him next, and Scott gives her a little squeeze before releasing her. He can’t help but grin, even in such a dire situation. “They told me you died,” Scott says.

Shelby hums dismissively. “Yeah, my comm broke. But those things haven’t gotten me yet, and they won’t.”

It’s decisive, the way she says it, and Scott finds herself believing her. Shelby won’t be touched by one of the mites, he knows it—whether by her own force of will or by the blessing of some god, Shelby will be spared.

“How’d you get here?” Katherine asks. “The elevator wasn’t down.”

Shelby points to a place over her shoulder—and Scott, following her finger, sees Joel’s grandly overcompensating Nether portal. Which—isn’t it impossible? The mites swarm the portals, even if they can’t get in.

“How’d you manage that?” fWhip asks, picking up his abandoned sack of coal again. Shelby shrugs.

“They were all over the portal I went in, so I lured them away,” she says, and Scott wonders: is it really that simple? As simple as giving the mites a different focus, then sneaking by while it occupies them?

It had worked on the way here, with the dead dodo. It had pulled their attention quite well, leaving their chosen path almost clear.

Oh.

“What’d you do, Shelby?” Katherine asks slowly, and it sounds like she’s giving her a chance to lie. Asking her to lie, even.

But Shelby’s face goes stony, and when she speaks, her words are cold. “I did what I had to do.”

Scott swallows, and notices that he hasn’t seen her toad around Sanctuary.

There’s a mite crawling onto one of the dead sunflower stalks.

Scott fumbles around at his belt loop, pulls his shovel through and into his hands. “They’re here,” he manages, spinning around to check.

There’s two others on the island with them. If Scott focuses on one, he can get it to shiver and scurry back to the underneath of the island, but the other two move closer while he can’t pay attention to them. And there are more, there have to be more coming, they never stop.

Almost without speaking, the five of them naturally come together back-to-back, a shifting mess of bodies pressed up against each other fearfully, weapons raised. Scott finds himself between fWhip and Jimmy with Katherine at his back. He readjusts his sweaty grip on his shovel.

“I can’t believe you thought you hallucinated me,” Shelby mutters to Jimmy, who groans.

“I’m sorry, all right? I didn’t figure there was any way you were still alive.”

A mite, moving quickly, comes close to fWhip’s boot beside Scott. Scott smacks it with his shovel; it backs off.

The group stumbles, rotating slowly, glancing around themselves as they try not to hit their neighbor. There’s more mites—clumps of them appearing at the edges of the island, and Scott only has so many eyes to watch them with. He can’t keep track of where they all are, and he swallows back a thrill of fear that runs through him.

“Of course I’m still alive, no thanks to you.”

“I’m doing my best, Shelby, I have to make hard choices, I’m the leader—”

“Right, like how it was a hard choice when you kicked Lizzie out?”

Scott shakes himself, trying to focus on the matter at hand instead of their steadily-growing-louder argument. fWhip keeps sending nervous glances toward Jimmy and Shelby, who are sniping at each other over their shoulders.

And—Jimmy had kicked Lizzie out? Scott had been told that they’d just had disagreements, and Lizzie had chosen to leave.

The darkness that’s been lurking in Sanctuary, the little discrepancies he’s been noticing, the notes left behind his mirror—

“You didn’t even try to look for me,” Shelby says, abandoning all pretense of a whispered conversation. “When’d you get Scott? Right after my comm died?”

“We were already planning to get Scott, you know that—”

“Sacrifice one friend for another, I get it.” Shelby laughs darkly, hefts her staff over her shoulder as she turns around to properly look at Jimmy. “Well, excuse me if I don’t exactly trust you, mister Sheriff. Whose fault is it that we’re even in this situation, again?”

“Shelby—” fWhip starts, his voice a warning. Scott glances at him, sees the way he’s watching Jimmy—Jimmy’s red in the face, grip on his pistol so tight that his knuckles are white. Shelby peers over her shoulder at Jimmy, too, rolls her eyes.

“What, fWhip? Your weird obsession with Jimmy isn’t going to change the fact that he—”

“Shelby, behind you!” Katherine shouts, swinging her axe at the ground, and several mites, all reaching for Shelby, scurry back, regrouping at the edge of the island.

Scott wipes one of his hands on his trousers before reaffirming his grip on the shovel handle and facing out again.

There’s so many of them.

They’re diving into the dead flowerbeds with abandon, and as Scott watches, they seem to multiply in the dirt without more crawling up to join them. There has to be dozens, maybe even a hundred of them, all surrounding them, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

Scott glances down briefly, checking to make sure his trousers are tucked into his boots. At least if one of them touches him, it won’t be the end of the world. Not unless they manage to get under his clothes.

“C’mon, False,” he says under his breath. She’s their only shot at getting out.

And, as if his words brought her into existence, he can suddenly hear in the distance the whooshes and gears of a certain flying machine.

There’s a gunshot beside him, dirt going up in a cloud and mites scattering from its impact—Jimmy’s tambourines are clamoring again, and Scott pictures briefly Jimmy frantically shaking his hips, before turning instead to help fWhip on his left with a group of five or so plaguelings.

He can still hear the airship, but he can’t let himself feel relief—there’s more mites appearing by the second, any one of them could be caught off guard and as good as dead in a matter of seconds.

Scott barely holds back a scream when three of them come skittering toward him, hitting at them frantically with his shovel. Jimmy’s stomping and hollering and shooting off his gun, the air is whistling with Katherine’s axe and Shelby’s staff, there’s a loud thunk beside him as fWhip brings his mace down on a group of darkness.

Can he throw the mites?

He’s not sure where that thought came from, appearing suddenly in his mind, but Scott’s weapon of choice is still, after all, a shovel. Could he scoop up a group of mites and fling them?

When another bundle creeps close to Scott, he shovels them up and throws them off in the opposite direction.

Almost comically, the mites fly through the air and over the edge of the island. Scott lets out an incredulous burst of laughter—how did that work? How did he just—toss them away?

Maybe they’ve been going about this the wrong way. Sure, noise can create a brief path, but maybe they ought to experiment with shovels. Or giant fans, maybe. Blow them away.

He does it again, scoops up four at a time and flings them away. Jimmy hoots beside him, gesturing toward the flying mites with his pistol.

“Nice one!” he crows. There’s a couple creeping toward Jimmy, and Sott opens his mouth to warn him, but quick as a flash Jimmy unstraps one of his tambourines and throws it at the mites. It lands on top of them perfectly, and the tambourine shifts from side to side as they try to escape.

Scott lets out a whoop of his own, a vocal release of the fear and anxiety and sheer hilarity of watching the mites soar over the side of the island. It cracks at the end, and he cuts off into almost a sob, but he doesn’t have time to cry, he’s got to keep safe until they can escape—

Saint Pearl must be watching over them or something, because at that very moment False’s airship rises up beside the island, in front of Shelby.

“Let’s go!” False calls over the sound of the machine, and Scott doesn’t need to be told twice.

He makes a break for it, feet slamming against the ground so hard it hurts, and even though the airship is a good couple of feet from the edge of the island, he jumps the gap without even stopping to consider it.

fWhip is right behind him, landing on his hands and feet, and Jimmy behind him tosses one of the sacks of coal on board before jumping across. Behind him is Katherine with her sack of coal, and Shelby bringing up the rear.

“Let’s go, False,” Jimmy yells over the whirring and clunking of the ship. Scott steadies himself on the railing as the ship lurches, then rises, higher and higher, making a wide turn over the islands of Upper Stratos.

Stratos isn’t completely overrun, but it’s getting close. Scott peers over the edge of the ship, his stomach turning dreadfully.

It looks so much like Chromia had, squirming blackness blanketing it, devouring any sort of life that may have remained in the buildings and gardens and statues. As he stares down at it, Scott can almost imagine that it’s covering him as well. That he’s down there, drowning in the darkness, choking on it and pressed on all sides by it and dying so horribly—

“I did what I had to do, Shelby,” comes a loud voice behind him.

Scott turns around, and sure enough, Jimmy and Shelby are face to face—Shelby looking up at him, face dark with anger, and Jimmy just standing there, hands in fists at his sides.

“Right,” Shelby scoffs. “Because we all know you so well for making good choices. When’s the last time you actually helped anyone?”

“You know that’s not fair, you know—”

fWhip isn’t doing anything, and Katherine’s disappeared to somewhere, and False is busy at the wheel—

Scott steps between them, pushing Jimmy away with the hand still holding the shovel. “Guys, come on,” he says, and like a wave, exhaustion hits him. He really doesn’t have the energy to deal with infighting right now. “We’re all safe, can we just leave it? Jimmy’s done a lot to help, he’s saved a lot of people. And Shelby, he should’ve tried to find you. Now, can we move on?”

Shelby makes some sort of disbelieving sound through her nose, eyes narrowed at Scott. “You can’t say he’s saved anyone when it’s his fault we’re in this mess!”

That hits Scott harder than the exhaustion had.

That—that doesn’t make sense.

He turns to Jimmy, who glares hard at Shelby.

“Explain,” Scott demands. “Jimmy’s fault? How—I don’t think a human could cause this, any of this.”

“You didn’t even tell him?” Shelby asks, incredulous. Jimmy turns away, stalking over to the railing. fWhip gapes openly at him, then Scott, then back to Jimmy.

“Didn’t tell me what?” Scott asks, frustration quick to rise to the surface.

“A human couldn’t cause any of this, you’re right,” fWhip steps up, wringing his hands anxiously. “The things—they aren’t human. Or human made.”

“They’re a god,” Shelby says. She gestures around in a vaguely over-the-edge-of-the-ship direction. “Jimmy killed him. Jimmy killed Joel, and he turned into—into those things, and it’s all Jimmy’s fault for killing a god.”

It’s Scott’s turn to gape. He glances between Shelby and fWhip, searching for some kind of proper answer in their faces.

“I—” he starts, then clears his throat and tries again. “He—” he turns toward Jimmy, and maybe the finger he points is accusing, but he’s suddenly not sure who to trust and he needs someone to tell him what is a lie and what’s the truth. “You told me hubris killed Joel!”

Jimmy laughs, a wry, humorless sound, his back still turned to them. Scott can just barely see the grim corner of his mouth, the darkness in his eye as he turns his head to the side to survey the ground. “Well. I ain’t exactly the most humble of people, am I?”

Scott’s shovel slips from his grip, clatters to the deck. Jimmy’s the killer. Not fWhip, not Gem, not False.

Jimmy killed the god.

But there isn’t time to marvel. There isn’t time to mourn.

So Scott picks his shovel back up, nods to everyone, and heads belowdecks to check his body for mites.

And really, he thinks as he strips his shirt off, maybe it would be a relief to find one.

[loquaciousquark]

4-Sided Dive Highlights - Critical Role C3 up to E43 (Jan. 3, 2023)

What are timeliness and punctuality, really? A construct of the oppressive bourgeoisie, that's what. Regardless, we join Ashley, Travis, Sam, and Liam on tonight's episode. Sam wins host with a natural 20 and immediately misses his spot. The opening schtick requires Sam to read the rest of the prompter as Drunk Jimmy Stewart and watching him struggle with the impression is hilarious in and of itself.

What the Fuck is Up With That? Everyone enjoyed hanging out with the Gorgynei. Travis likes that they aren't all werewolves. He clarifies that when Chetney turned into a werewolf, the Claret Order in that area came to him and said, "This was not a planned thing, so you need to learn to control this immediately or we will end you." People uncontrollably changing and spreading the curse gives them a bad name. What if a werewolf bites a werebear?

Liam would be a were-rat in real life. Sam wants to be a were-eagle.

Everyone loved the fight against Chetney. Travis: "Everyone should have at least one moment in their lives where Matt Mercer leans across the table and hands you a piece of paper that's just instructions to fuck up the rest of the table." It was titled Chetney Unleashed! and gave him 60 extra hit points, the frightening howl, and three legendary actions. Ashley wonders if he'll get there in base character campaign. Liam also loves getting to fight the party, no holds barred. Travis generally feels like the group fights in sync, but in that moment he felt like "I can't read their minds anymore! I'm disconnected from the flow!"

Travis had a tiny plastic werewolf of Wolf Man he used to bring to church with him on Sundays. Ashley is indignant he never named him. "He's a killer, Ashley. You don't give him names." He used to get up early on Saturdays to watch the Teen Wolf cartoon and colored his skin brown with magic marker to simulate fur and taped fake claws to his fingers.

Orym's sword upgraded! He has a tiny bit of additional range and some grasping vine abilities. Seedling: The Wayward Pilgrim.

Everyone is wearing blue except for Liam. Cute!

Travis always gets tripped up when Mercer reveals a secret such as Predathos which he's been building to for years. Planerider Ryn was mentioned in the original Tal'Dorei campaign guide, then had her sanctum visited by the M9 in C2, where Luc got killed. Sam is convinced they're getting into alien, intergalactic stuff for this world now. Liam gets genuinely giddy talking about the intertwining of dunamancy, the mesh net around Ruidus, and the threads of fate.

Liam thinks dunamancy is part of existence itself, but the beacons might be "rabbit pellets" of Predathos shot out when he arrived. Is Predathos Galactus, eater of worlds?

Dani comes on to straighten out lore! Early iterations of the Exandrian creation myth implied that the gods and primordials never got along--while they coexisted, there was always some animosity. Later, with the schism/Calamity, the Prime Deities went to open war against the primordials and betrayer gods in order to protect creation. This new suggestion that everyone fought together against Predathos at some point is an exciting reveal, and that two of them were devoured by Predathos is very alarming.

What is Bell's Hells going to do with this information? They're so new to even interplanar travel that the idea of inter-deity warfare is beyond them.

Sam talks about his conflict between wanting to learn more about himself in Yios and the group's time pressure elsewhere. Everyone laughs at the poor secretary getting bribed, even unintentionally, into helping them.

Liam originally thought that someone got up to the moon ages ago and built the city after it was created, but now he's not sure. Instead, he wonders if it's part of a city which just got chunked up from Exandria when creating the moon in the first place. Dani posits that everyone on the moon is a worshipper of Predathos (Predathans) because since worship gives a god its power, you don't want worshipers of a god-eater running around outside the mesh net, strengthening it on the main continent. If new people have begun worshipping him with flares, occasionally teleporting themselves to the moon, that might be strengthening Ruidus and causing the changes we're seeing that may be making Predathos stronger. Liam is sure that if someone exploded Milwaukee into space, the city would survive.

Sam and Ashley both are desperate to go to the moon. Ashley wonders if they're mining the moon. BASA? Bells Aeronautics Space Administration?

Otohan used to follow the Duskmaven, but appears to no longer do so. Ethedok used to oversee darkness and winter; Vordo used to oversee fate and order. After those gods were eaten, their realms were combined into the fate and death/darkness domains of the previous god of the dead, prior to the Raven Queen ascending.

Liam finds real gambling very boring; the other three gamble for fun. Liam has no interest in getting good at reading people; he'd rather take his $80 and go see a show. Laura apparently loves to gamble (craps, Sic Bo Dragon). Travis is not allowed within a mile of Laura when she's gambling; he's a cooler for her! Ha! Once he came up to her while she was on a hot craps run and the dice immediately threw snake eyes. Ashley has played War at Vegas against the house and lost and won $20 in about fifteen seconds before leaving. Liam would rather buy a Switch.

The Tower of Inquiry! Travis approaches a very dangerously leaning tower. There is no, no, no way this is going to work. AND IT DOESN'T, DOWN IT COMES. Every time he doesn't score the most points in Quiplash, he must perform certain exercises. back to the tower: what genre of video game would your character enjoy? Orym: Soul Caliber. Fearne: The Sims, because she wants to control things. Chetney: Rollercoaster Tycoon. FCG: Duck Hunt or Hitman.

Sam doesn't know if FCG was successful at any of his assassinations and really wants to know.

Ashley pulls a block from the toppled six-inch tower and still almost knocks it over. Character's favorite Broadway musical? Chetney: Beauty and the Beast. FCG: Starlight Express, Orym: Billy Elliott. Fearne: Into the Woods or Hadestown.

Liam's block: Character's favorite reality TV show? (Ashley loves reality TV and and is loving Below Deck right now. "Downton Abbey, but for boats.") FCG: Couples Therapy. Chetney: Bob Ross. Sam: Not Bob Vila? Travis, as Chet: Don't give me that amateur shit! Orym: Ninja Warrior, American Gladiator, MXC.

The Deep Dive! What was the inspiration for Shithead? During character design, he was asked if FCG had a familiar. He thought perhaps he should since he kept shitting on other people's familiars, but once it was designed, he landed back on, "No, I HATE familiars," and gave the character to Matt. "I made this thing, I don't know what it is. Can you do something?" and Matt took it from there.

Liam loves magic after Caleb, so he's glad to have a bit of magic again. Since it wasn't a new/extant sword, he got to pick his own name. He was tossing around ideas of plants pollinating, of seeds being dispersed by the wind over great distances in order to start new life, and landed on Seedling.

In Fearne's eyes, Grandma can do no wrong. She genuinely believes Morri will help them without strings. Ashley didn't expect how much she enjoys actively coming up with ways to make everyone at the table squeamish. Matt and Aabria both helped create Morri--Ashley did have tons of input though. Lots of Fearne also came from ExU--she reflects some of Aabria's playfulness. Liam: "Nana is fucking dangerous." Ashley: "Noooooo!" Liam: "She is at BEST true neutral, right in the middle, and Fearne is her darling little Rapunzel child imp while she is dark, dark, dark and twisted."

Why was Ruidus affecting Chetney specifically? Travis has no idea. He can't tell if Predathos is growing in power or if it's a quality from the consumed deities. Is this a pulse, a harbinger of something to be unleashed? Chetney traditionally only transforms from a full Catha, and he normally maintains control the whole time; this was the first time Ruidus had forced him to change and had caused him to lose control.

FCG wants to do things like smell, love, and taste, so baking is meant to help them understand how taste works.

Block break, gosh dang it tumblr.

Chetney dissing Orym's wolf figurine went about as well as could be expected. Chet was very kind when Orym told him about Will, and he wanted to repay him with something Chetney valued. Liam did order a wooden wolf figurine from Etsy, but it was too good for both Orym's skill and compared to Travis's gifts, and now he feels weird about dragging this poor Etsy seller through the muck, so he's just going to keep it at home.

Ashley couldn't look Marisha in the eyes after a coin flip. She was depressed for a full week. She hated holding their lives in her hands. Having to do that has affected Fearne in a very big way (more protective); she's starting to learn how to experience human feelings. "This makes my stomach really anxious and I don't know why." After talking with Laudna, Ashley isn't sure if either she or Fearne feel better.

It's too early to tell if Chetney's beast is better tamed. Travis doesn't trust Mercer at all.

What's the deal with Imogen's weird fire alien? Exciting stuff!

What did FCG think of the Speak with Dead spell? It's super creepy and gets into soul stuff--if you can just talk to someone after you're dead, what does that mean? "What do I believe? I don't actually know yet!"

Orym, despite his high history, knows nothing about the history of other realms. His history comes from overhearing Exandrian conversations about local issues, not other-planar stuff. Sam: "For the record, I don't just willy-nilly choose which rules to follow or not. I just don't follow the stupid ones. Like luck. Luck's a stupid rule."

Fearne felt incredibly special that Laudna asked her to pass something on to her. Fearne has a fascination with what makes people tick, and getting to work on that with Laudna was special.

It hurt that Chet's original howl went unanswered. Still, Travis liked the metaphor. Alone, not enough; together, we start the party.

Tower of Inquiry: What would be your characters' Smash Ultimates? Boy, this is not the crew for this question. They immediately misinterpret it as to which character they would play. Orym: Princess Peach. Fearne: Bowser. Sam: Lucario, the first name he sees while Googling; Liam suggests Kirby; Sam suggests Rob. Chetney doesn't even try.

A minigame to preface the break: Sam, Name That Staff! He's been given a dossier with names and faces and he's worked closely with all of today's contestants. First crew member: a lovely fellow in teal shorts who's been an editor at CR for over four years. He talked with Sam for half an hour about Donkey Kong at the recent holiday party. Sam suggests: "Dave, or something with a D." Alas, it's Max Schapiro.

Contestant two: a TALL guy who's been a producer on the show for three years. "He burned his crotch while helping you do an ad read bit." Sam: "Eric?" No, no, it's Kyle.

Contestant three: it's Marisha. Just Marisha in a sweatshirt. Sam: "I feel like I should know this one. It's tip of my tongue. I know that you're one of the two women on the show. Two women? Maybe there's only one." Dani: "It's definitely three." Sam: "You're not Ashley, because Ashley's here on the show. It's a trick question. She doesn't work here." Marisha: "You were at my wedding!"

There is a very funny ad over the break featuring Travis and Laura in a straight-to-TV holiday romcom spoof.

Post-Break Shenanigans! Quiplash, for the first time for most of them, it looks like. FCG is desperate for guidance and has been reaching out to the Changebringer for guidance, but if she doesn't answer soon, he might start reaching out to other gods. After the first round, Travis has by far the most points.

Ashley is beyond excited about the potential to visit the Fey Realm and meet Nana. (Oof, I am behind on these, yikes.). After the second round, Sam is in the lead. Travis, as promised by Jenga, runs around the set shrieking like a little schoolgirl. However, he wins the last round and asks a question instead.

Travis was super grumpy after the first game of the M9 reunion because he so immediately lost his orb. He hated that he had to give up the fight.

Caleb in Liam's head is so "gasp, point" about everything going on with the Cerberus Assembly. Liam loves/hates every development.

Our last development: the lights cut out, and when we can see again, we are shocked, SHOCKED to see that the set broom has been broken bloodily in half and has a kitchen knife sticking out of it. Murder? On MY Critical Role set? To be continued, it seems...

And that's a wrap. Is it Thursday yet?

[bepractical]

Kin: Season 1, Episode 8, Part 2

Hello! Sorry for the very long wait! I went on vacation, then I was catching up with work, then the holidays happened, etc, etc. I highly recommend a trip to Madrid, by the way. Beautiful city, great food, good people. 

This is part two of the episode 8 recap for the first season of Kin. See the masterlist here. The end’s not near, it’s here (and full of spoilers).

In part 1: Amanda and Michael kicked off their plan to murder Eamon, Jimmy was thoroughly cuckolded and sad about it, Frank got sidelined and no one was sad about it, Eric got his first taste of prison life, and Michael met a cute pharmacist. I ended right after their meeting but forgot that immediately thereafter there’s a scene of Michael staring soulfully at his meds back home, so that’s where we’ll start. Here’s some thirsty pharmacist to take us into the cut! 

At the compound, Jimmy’s revving up his bike.

Amanda is grabbing something from the floor safe while Michael takes his pills.

That done, he stares for a minute at his screen saver of Anna, presumably to remind himself of his motivation for all the upcoming murder. He leaves his phone on the table and he’s out of there, breezing right past his bullet proof vest.

Michael meets Jimmy and Amanda in their drive, where he and Amanda have a super awkward goodbye. She obviously wants to say or do more but Jimmy is watching them both like a thoroughly cuckolded hawk.

The best part is Michael’s little smile when Amanda tells him to be careful. He's a confident assassin.

The men drive away to parts unknown while Amanda goes back inside to find Anthony playing video games. She offers to make him any meal he wants. He asks for Thai chicken curry, which we soon find out was Jamie’s favorite.

Seeing Anthony there playing by himself when the series started with him and Jamie playing together is sad. I wonder if he’s guessed what’s going on. I say yes, and we already know he’s down for murder.

Over at Birdy’s, Nikki’s worried about Eric going into the protection unit. Everyone knows Eric will lose his mind if he’s isolated for that long. She asks if there’s anything else Frank can do for him and Frank snaps at her like the enormous impotent manchild he is. 

At the jail, Eric works out shirtless. Thanks, buddy.

I don’t mention it often but damn, this cast is good looking. Once again I lament my inability to make gifs.

Turns out Eric’s psyching himself up for a painful plan, which involves slamming his head and fists against the cell door until he’s injured enough to get sent to the infirmary.

Why? You’ll see! It’s a good plan! Genuinely!

Back at the compound, Jimmy comes home to Amanda cooking dinner. He recognizes what she’s making, which is very sweet and sad. She asks after Michael, providing a perfect segue for Jimmy to enact his own plan, that is, winning his wife back by offering to do anything, literally ANYTHING to make her happy. He agrees to miss Jamie’s month’s mind mass in order to do it (it’s killing Con, that’s what he’s doing). See how excited he looks about that?

Can you believe it’s been a month since Jamie died? 

Sitting by his lap pool, which looks very warm and cozy, Eamon chats with his adorable son in Spain. Nice to see he appreciates one of his children. And it’s the boy, would you look at that!

Kem rolls up with Con Doyle and seriously, let’s take a minute to appreciate the balls on this dude.

Eamon wants Kem to set up one of the Kinsellas, Michael for preference. Kem gives a little song and dance about how hard it is to get any of them alone but promises to contact Con when he has a plan. The trap is set!

At the compound, Frank snorts some coke alone while looking destroyed and I don’t feel bad for him at all. 

Across the street, Amanda gets out of bed with Jimmy and makes her way to Jamie’s bed. She lays her head on his pillow and inhales, trying to catch some of his scent. It’s really sad. 

The next morning everyone’s up and ready to get down to business. Eamon’s heading to the airport, Amanda’s ruminating over the flyer for Jamie’s mass, Jimmy’s steeling himself to kill Con. Amanda assures him he doesn’t have to do it if he doesn’t want to, but he claims he wants to. “Good,” she says. Jimmy does not look reassured.

Amanda starts to leave for the airport and is stopped by a disheveled Frank.

Dude is grasping for authority with both hands. Unfortunately any respect Amanda had for him is long gone. His posturing just makes him look more pathetic. Damn it, Frank. She should have run him over.

At the airport Amanda meets Eamon in a lounge to talk, along with a special guest: Angela’s mystery gift. 

I love this scene. It’s such a stark contrast to the last time they met, when Eamon threatened Anthony and backed Amanda into her car door. I have some thoughts about how Amanda got to this point, but they are super lengthy so I’ll toss them in a separate post. Short story: The past month has shown Amanda how pell-mell and incompetent the criminal underworld is, giving her the confidence to face Eamon and make these huge decisions for the family. I love that she’s wearing all black, very formal and intimidating, and that the reason behind her wardrobe is that she’s headed to a service to mourn her son. It’s a nice and tidy circle.

Eamon gets right to threatening. Give him the drugs or he’ll make sure Anthony has a bounty double anyone else.

Amanda responds, cool as a cucumber: Right now it’s half a million for anyone who kills Jimmy, Michael, Frank or Viking. But that’s not the real cost of killing a Kinsella. That figure would be closer to 50 million. Cause if any of them are killed, I will burn your drugs, all of it at once. 

Eamon is not pleased but Amanda assures him she’s only negotiating. She points out that someone must be waiting for their cut of the drugs, a fact we’ll get into later. 

Eamon has finally cottoned on that he won’t be steamrolling Amanda anymore. She offers a deal- he can have his drugs in exchange for peace. Eamon balks at that and Amanda reasonably points out that Eamon’s had five of their people killed and her son is dead, so it’s not like he’s walking away with nothing. Eamon pulls out that old routine, that Jamie’s death was wrong, it was an accident, but that means less than nothing to Amanda. 

Eamon: Everything I am, everything I’ve built- all of it- is dependent on one thing, that people know I’m fucking ruthless. Without that it all comes tumbling down. Agreeing to your offer, even if it’s fair, makes me look weak. So I can’t accept. I just can’t. 

Amanda asks what Eamon can accept. He tells her he wants his drugs and one Kinsella. She asks which one he wants and he tells her to choose.

With that he gets up and starts to walk away until Amanda calls him back to ask permission to go to Jamie’s mass. Eamon agrees to spread the word through his criminal pipeline that it’s over. 

The final part is here!  

If you had to choose one of the Kinsella men to die, who would it be?

[theficpusher]

got me an appetite, now i can taste it by velvetnoodle | E | 3401 It's a hot, June night when Louis spots the man in the crowd, and it's about to get hotter

eyelid of the sky by theankletattoo | E | 13013 Maybe he can let the burn settle down. Just until they are somewhere else where their underbellies are only theirs to attack and protect. au. harry loves, quiet and desperately.

under your thumb by strong | nr | 15345 where the year is 1975, louis is the leader of a misfit group of boys in venice, and harry is a roller skater who somehow finds his way in

give it to me (like you mean it) by lovergalore | M | 20772 "Shouldn't you be with your girlfriend? The girl every guy would kill to be with?" Louis asks, sharp and bitter and then promptly sucks his lips back into his mouth and turns away, staring resolutely down the lifeless, dark allyway. He hears Harry laugh again under his breath. "Would you kill to be with her?" Harry asks, lips quirking. Louis quickly look back at him, his eyes burning into him. "No." or an AU based in the 1970's where Louis has a boring life, working in a little cafe in Prague when the city's most famous celebrity returns with a mystery boyfriend who isn't such a mystery to him anymore.

The Changer and the Changed by homosociallyyours | M | 59496 It’s the spring of 1977 and Harry Styles has just moved to New York City after graduating college. She knows she’s a lesbian. She just needs to figure out how to meet other lesbians. Louis Tomlinson works at a popular women’s bookstore in the Lower East Side, Womon’s Direction, where she spends her days reading feminist literature, writing poetry, exchanging friendly barbs with her boss Niall, and dreaming of finding someone to love. When Harry and Louis meet, their connection is instantaneous. Slowly but surely, Louis welcomes Harry into her community of women. Stonewall veteran and old school butch Niall; Liam, a land dyke who’s moved to the city for love; and Zayn, a lesbian musician who’s been ostracized by a vocal part of women’s community for being trans, welcome Harry with open arms, ready to help her find her place in New York City’s bustling lesbian scene. It’s a time of growth for everyone involved.

Atlas At Last by louisandthealien | M | 83037 He doesn’t know what he had been expecting out of the road trip itself besides burping contests and too much shitty gas station food with Oli and Stan, but in the brief moment before Harry ambles up his driveway, Louis idly wonders if this is about to become some sort of Gay Coming of Age story. Maine to California in ten days. In which Zayn’s an open-shirt hippie they meet somewhere in Ohio, Liam’s the pastor’s son running away from home, and Niall’s the number they call on the bathroom wall. It’s 1978. Harry and Louis are just trying to get to San Fran in time for the Queen concert.

Here In The Afterglow by fondleeds | nr | 88649 “If you hadn’t noticed, I don’t have many friends,” Louis whispers, the blossom of insecurity in his stomach unfurling and clawing its way into his throat. Harry is silent for a long time, and then he speaks; a soft, slow uncurl that makes Louis’ stomach shake. “I’ll be your friend.” - 1970’s AU. In a tiny town in Idaho, Louis’ life is changed forever by the arrival of a curious stranger.

Landslide by aimmyarrowshigh, spibsy | E | 143297 The year is 1976. In November, Jimmy Carter will take control of the White House. Americans are meeting Laverne & Shirley at their apartment in Milwaukee. Hotel California diverges from the reign of Kool & the Gang. And the FBI is still reeling from the repercussions of Watergate, the tragedy at Wounded Knee, Operation Family Secrets, and the strategic terrors of the anti-cult movement. That's what Special Agent Harry Styles has been told is the basis of his mission to an abandoned farmhouse in rural New Hampshire. With his hair grown out long and his shirt untucked, he's going undercover to do reconnaissance on suspected cult leader Louis Tomlinson, who has led a group of people out into the middle of nowhere, leaving no record of the life he'd had before. All Harry knows is what the agency gave him: Tomlinson's name, and instructions to figure out what he's doing with the eleven people he brought with him. In the year that Harry spends undercover and under Louis Tomlinson's wing, he learns more than he ever expected.

[therenlover]

Therenlover’s Official Fanfic Glossary!

Hey hey hey! This is the place where you can find all my up-to-date fanfics linked nicely, read about what projects I have upcoming, and learn what requests I’m taking at the moment! Cheers!

This post is massive so, for the sake of your dash, everything is under the cut

A NOTE ABOUT REQUESTS!

I will do my best to fulfill any requests I get while my ask box/requests are open! That being said, I cannot promise every request will get done, and that if they do, they’ll be done in a timely manner. I’m currently working on a long-form project that needs a lot of time and energy to come out consistently, so unless I’m doing a writing event most of my writing juice will be focused on that. That being said, if you want something ask! The worst I can possibly do is direct you towards someone else who might be able to write what you want if I cant.

If I choose not to do your request based on personal preference (it makes me uncomfy/I don’t write for the character at that time/I don’t feel I can write what you want/etc.) I will do my best to contact you and let you know! That being said, if you think your ask got buried/forgotten, feel free to message me again and let me know, but please tell me when you message me if I should be looking for a prior request.

Characters/Fandoms I will write for currently

 💙 = I’m Currently Super Inspired To Write For This Character

Marvel/X-Men

Bucky Barnes

Loki

Peter Maximoff 💙

Pietro Maximoff

Helmut Zemo 💙

Hank McCoy

Ralph Bohner 💙

Vision

American Horror Story

Tate Langdon

Kit Walker 💙

Kyle Spencer (Pre- and Post- Death)

Jimmy Darling 💙

James Patrick March 💙

Kai Anderson

Fallout 4

Nick Valentine

Hancock

Star Wars

Poe Dameron

Armitage Hux 💙

Kylo Ren/Ben Solo

Finn

Han Solo

Assorted/Random

Diarmuid Ua Duibhne - FGO

Cu Chulainn/Cu Alter - FGO

Warren Lipka - American Animals 💙

Enjolras - Les Miserables

Grantaire - Les Miserables

Gabriel - Supernatural

Imagines - REQUESTS CLOSED

Songs From Musicals Y/N Would Sing To The Evans

Characters: Tate Langdon, Kit Walker, Kyle Spencer, Jimmy Darling, James Patrick March, Kai Anderson, Peter Maximoff

Rating: T

How The Evans (+ Quicksilver) Would React To Yoplait’s New Gushers Yogurt

Characters: Tate Langdon, Kit Walker, Kyle Spencer, Jimmy Darling, James Patrick March, Rory Monahan, Kai Anderson, Peter Maximoff

Rating: T

Would The Danny Bunch Survive A Holiday With My Family?

Characters: Laszlo Kreizler, Alex Kerner, Niki Lauda, Andrea Marowski, Ernst Schmidt, Helmut Zemo

Rating: T

Headcanons - REQUESTS CLOSED

Modern! AU Armitage Hux Boyfriend Headcanons

Zemo With A Well Dress S/O Headcanons

Zemo Getting Jealous Headcanons

Oneshots - REQUESTS CLOSED

Marvel/X-Men

Helmut Zemo

One Last Night In Madripoor

Synopsis: Baron Helmut Zemo is a lonely, wanted man looking for some fun, you’re a piss-poor bounty hunter in search of a connection before leaving your life of crime behind, and fate has brought you together at a party the likes of which has never been seen before. You only have one night left in Madripoor, so why not take a chance?

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 4200~

Still Some Catching Up To Do

Synopsis: As a member of the criminal underworld, people walk out of your life all the time. Some are killed, others kill themselves, most get caught and only a couple get out of the life unscathed, disappearing into the world never to be seen again. Very few walk back in. So when your supposedly incarcerated ex-lover, the Winter Soldier, and the Falcon waltzed through your door and made you murder your boss, needless to say, you were surprised and more than a little bit pissed.

Rating: 16+

Word Count: 6800~

Nine Years Starved

Synopsis: It had been a little over nine years since Helmut Zemo lost his family, his country, and his sanity. Nine years since his last kiss. Nine years since he felt like a human man. Finally, he was ready to start over again, but first, he had to pay his penance back where it all began; Novi Grad. That’s when, by the grace of the fates, he met you.

Rating: G

Word Count: 7000~

Daddy Dearest

Synopsis: Not everyone gets lucky enough to go from being a broke college student in New York to being the sugar baby to literal royalty, but not everyone is you. Most people would be worried about messing things up or losing him to someone else, but you knew he would never find another baby just like you. Besides, you knew exactly what to do to keep him wrapped around your little finger. He may have been the daddy, but you pulled the reins.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 8000~

In Fleeting Touches & Airy Sighs

Part One   Part Two   Part Three   Part Four

Synopsis: As a wanted man, Helmut Zemo spends most of his time jumping from place to place in the hopes of avoiding a trip back to prison. Unfortunately, that means he can’t always be home in your arms. When he is, though, in the rare moments of calm, you’re reminded of just how worth it it’s been to wait, even if that wait was only shortened by the arrival of your enemies.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 35,700~

Two Bodies In The Rain

Synopsis: It was raining the day you finally had to admit your feelings to Helmut. You hated to tell him the way you did, under the grey skies as your blood pooled below you, but at least you knew, in the end, he had seen the real you, even just once. That was enough.

Rating: T

Word Count: 5600~

Rest

Synopsis: Living life on the lam with your escaped super-villain lover means things rarely slow down enough for a real rest. When the exhaustion starts to take its toll on you, though, he knows exactly what to do to ease the pain. He may not be a good man, but he’s a good husband when it counts.

Rating: T

Word Count: 3200~

American Horror Story

Jimmy Darling

Red Nights In Jupiter

Synopsis: At the end of another long day, you fall into bed with Jimmy Darling. The men you served throughout the day don’t matter then, nor do the coins in the mason jar by the door, or the women scheduled to attend Jimmy’s next Tupperware party. No, in that quiet darkness it’s just you and the man you love, bone-tired and happy to be home. Who could ask for more?

Rating: 16+

Word Count: 3000~

James Patrick March

Heartsick

Synopsis: When you fall ill, James is given a forceful awakening about how he’s been neglecting your needs and what he must do to prevent harm from befalling you again.

Rating: 16+

Word Count: 3700~

In Sickness And In Health

Synopsis: Normally people don’t have their wedding and funeral on the same day, but you and James don’t quite have a normal relationship, do you? Besides, you wouldn’t wanna go any other way.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 5500~

Fallout 4

Currently Empty

Star Wars

Currently Empty

Assorted/Random

Currently Empty

Long Form Works/Series

Young Artist!Zemo AU

Chapter One: The Boy With The Easel

Synopsis: About a month into your first semester at Novi Grad’s top university, you finally meet the strange young man that you’ve taken to calling “easel boy” in the back of a bookshop. From a distance, he always seemed cold and aloof. As you get to know him, though, you realize things aren’t always what they seem.

Rating: T

Word Count: 7000~

Till Forever Falls Apart (A Peter Maximoff/Reader Series)

Chapter One: Welcome Home

Synopsis: As if getting thrown through the multiverse, trapped in an attic (albeit a cool one), mind-controlled to manipulate his grieving sister, and subsequently dragged out of Westview “for his own safety” by the FBI wasn’t enough, Peter Maximoff has now been shipped off to New York to live with a glorified baby sitter like some tragic orphan in a comic book until they find a way to get him back home. Things are not always as they seem, though, and this change might just be for the better.

Rating: T

Word Count: 2400~

Chapter Two: The Doctor Is In

Synopsis: Peter’s first few days in his new home are mostly uneventful, so he decides it’s the perfect time to dust off his running goggles and steal some shit. The building with the massive circular stained glass window seems like a great place to start! People with buildings that lavish are usually rich and weak, so what could possibly go wrong?

Rating: T

Word Count: 2800~

Chapter Three: It’s Always Been You

Synopsis: After a month of adapting to his new universe, Peter Maximoff can confidently say that he likes his new life more than his old one. Sure, he misses home sometimes, but he’s been far too busy flirting with his new roommate to spend time crying over the things he’s lost. Everything is smooth sailing until a strange journal in his roommate’s study leaves him with more questions than he knows what to do with. Now he’s on a mission to discover who he’s really living with before she has the chance to turn against him.

Rating: T

Word Count: 8600~

Chapter Four: Before You Go

Synopsis: Peter, after days of contemplation, has realized that part of him loves Y/N no matter what she is or what she’s been through. Unfortunately, he can’t find her anywhere. When she finally returns home with the intention of leaving again, Peter realizes it’s his last chance to tell her how he really feels. Will he succeed, or will he fail to be fast enough once again?

Rating: T

Word Count: 4000~

Chapter Four And A Half: Gimme Swayze

Synopsis: Now that the issue of Y/N leaving is out of the way, and Peter has finally kissed her, he falls into the motions of learning how to love someone for the first time. It’s easier than he thought it would be.

Rating: T

Word Count; 2600~

Cakes For The Evans: A Blogging And Baking Adventure!

Kai Anderson’s Disaster Cake

Hey you! If you’ve made it this far down the list, thanks for supporting me as an author! I’ll be linking my AO3 here. I post everything there shortly before I post it here, and there are some older fics there you might enjoy along the way! It’s also easier to drop comments over there and I keep them open for non-members, so give me a shout if you liked what I wrote!

I love you all, you make me so happy, and without you support I would never be motivated to write! Cheers!

[storytellerofuntoldlegends]

an icarus and his sun: chapter 10

A/N: y’all ever think about that one empires episode of pearl’s where she helps sausage fight off a raid and that turns into a pvp battle between them, and she absolutely destroys him? yeah me too. also check out this awesome art by @amostfoolishgold​! anyway back to jimmy pov!

Warnings: injury, unconsciousness, fevers, talk of death, violence, corruption/infection, self-blame

AO3 Link - Tumblr Masterpost

-

The sun was nearing the horizon, casting the Overgrown in a golden glow. The castle was beginning to take shape, but they had unfortunately run low on materials, and Joel and Lizzie weren’t back from their gathering trip yet. So for the moment, they all just sat in the half-constructed shell of a castle, having light conversation as they waited for Joel and Lizzie to arrive. But soon enough, the conversation dwindled into an awkward silence. That is, until Gem stood up with a determined look in her eyes and a gentle smile.

“Why don’t we head to my empire for dinner? We’ve been working hard all day and could use a break!” she said brightly. Jimmy wasn’t sure how he felt about Gem quite yet, after everything that had happened- but she and Pearl had been a huge help. Meanwhile Shelby looked intrigued by the offer, and while Katherine first nervously glanced to the horizon, she looked back to Gem with a smile.

“That is very kind of you, Gem. I’d love to- we should probably just leave a note for Joel and Lizzie to let them know where we’ve gone,” Katherine said, standing up as well. Gem looked to Jimmy semi-nervously- and well, Jimmy was always a bit of a softie, wasn’t he? He smiled at Gem and stood up too.

“That does sound nice, thank you for inviting us,” Jimmy said. Gem beamed, and Pearl looked relieved as she stood up next to Gem.

“Well, you definitely won’t see me complaining about free food!” Shelby chimed in, hopping up to her feet. That caused the group to break into laughter, and the air between them felt comfortable again.

Once Katherine had written the note and put it where Lizzie and Joel could easily find it, the five of them (minus Pearl, who had wings) equipped their elytra and flew off to the Crystal Cliffs. When they first arrived there, everything seemed normal. The grand cliffs themselves, the buildings nestled in and around them, the towers- it was a beautiful and mystical place. But there was something blue, white, and gold that stood out in a heap on the ground near one of the buildings- a very familiar something blue, white and gold.

“Oh my god-” Gem started, landing on the ground beside the figure.

“Is that-” Pearl said, unable to finish the thought as she landed just behind Gem.

“Scott?” Jimmy finished, voice shaking as he came in for a bit of an unsteady landing a few feet away from where Scott laid on the ground, breathing shallow and upon a closer look, something red pulsing and spreading beneath his skin like some sort of vine. Jimmy barely registered Katherine and Shelby landing on either side of him, too focused on what was before him.

“This- this red stuff reminds me of the redstone spikes in Fwhip’s empire- or maybe something from the nether?” Gem pondered as she knelt beside Scott, a purple glow coming over her hand as she reached out towards the infection in his arm.

“I’ve seen that before,” Shelby said, voice sounding distant and laced with horror. Everyone turned to look at her, surprised to hear such a terrified tone of voice from the usually enthusiastic gnome.

“The infection?” Pearl asked.

“The corruption. I’ve seen it happen to my people back home, until it consumed them until there was nothing left- it’s why I came here, to try and find a cure or some way to stop it. But nothing worked,” Shelby explained shakily, sounding like she was on the verge of tears. Jimmy felt like he was going to cry too- and some awful part of himself thought that he should be glad that this happened to Scott, that it served him right after betraying Jimmy and breaking his heart- but he couldn’t. Despite everything Scott had done, despite never wanting to see Scott again- none of that meant that Jimmy didn’t want a world where the winged elf wasn’t in it. And what about what Pearl had said? Scott didn’t seem happy with Fwhip either, but now Jimmy would never know the truth. Not if it died with Scott.

Jimmy was so wrapped up in his conflicted mess of emotions that he didn’t even notice that someone else had flown in until Katherine let out a sharp gasp. He tore his gaze away from Scott to see what had caused that reaction from Katherine- and saw Fwhip. A mix of anger and terror boiled in his veins and swirled in his stomach at the sight of him. Fwhip looked baffled to see so many people in Gem’s empire, and plastered on a forced friendly smile. Jimmy’s hand found Katherine’s, and she squeezed it back tightly with no intention of letting go.

“Gem! Hi, so I wanted to smooth things over- I think we left things on a bad note-”

“What did you do to Scott,” Gem demanded, cutting off Fwhip as she stood up from beside Scott. Purple sparks danced in the air around her, and Jimmy swallowed nervously- he didn’t think he had ever seen Gem seem so intimidating before. Jimmy was relieved to see that Fwhip looked nervous too.

“Well, I haven’t seen Scott since our meeting, he seemed upset when he left- weird that he ended up here- y’know I was actually gonna go and talk to him after you-”

“If by talk, you mean do whatever you did to Scott to us?!” Pearl demanded, hand on the hilt of her sword as she took a step forward to stand beside Gem.

“I didn’t-”

“I’ve had enough of your lies, Fwhip. What. Did. You. Do,” Gem said evenly. Fwhip swallowed nervously, before sighing and finally giving in.

“Okay, so I may have set a few traps in his empire and got Sausage to help me with letting a raid infiltrate his village and the surrounding lands- but I figured Scott could handle a few traps and some mobs, it was only meant to be a warning, I never meant to kill him! He must have really gotten soft if he couldn’t deal with it,” Fwhip rambled. Gem and Pearl seemed semi-satisfied with his answer, but Pearl kept her hand on her sword and purple sparks still danced around Gem. But there was something that Fwhip said that bothered Jimmy, and along with what Pearl had said… guilt was beginning to settle in the pit of his stomach.

“What do you mean by that?” Jimmy asked tentatively. Fwhip let out a harsh laugh, turning to Jimmy incredulously.

“The idiot actually fell for you. He was just supposed to be a distraction, a contingency plan to make sure you wouldn’t be trouble. But he got in too deep, and look where that got him,” Fwhip scoffed, looking down at Scott’s deathly still form in disdain. Guilt was crashing on Jimmy in waves now. He had pushed Scott away. Scott had actually cared about him and he pushed him away. And then he had no one to go to for help when Fwhip decided to send a “warning” and got hurt as a result.

“You’re lucky I’m a pacifist,” Katherine spat, more angry than Jimmy had ever heard her. He wished he could have shared her anger, shouted at Fwhip too- but Jimmy just felt numb.

“Well unluckily for Fwhip, I don’t have that problem,” Pearl fumed, drawing her sword. Fwhip started to scramble back as Pearl leapt at him. His backwards stumble turned into a run, and Pearl kept pace with him just fine, using her wings if necessary and brandishing her sword to chase him away.

“Pearl can handle him- can you three help me get Scott to the apothecary? I’d do it by myself, but he’s tall and there’s the bulk of his wings to worry about too,” Gem asked, looking down at Scott worriedly.

“Erm- right, of course,” Jimmy said, letting go of Katherine’s hand to join Gem at Scott’s side.

“Hold on- go to the other side and help me turn him over,” Gem said. Jimmy did as she asked, and being mindful of his wings, the two of them gently rolled Scott over so he was on his back. Scott was feverish to the touch, and even unconscious his expression was contorted with pain.

“He’s hot,” Jimmy said, distant horror in his tone.

“Now isn’t the time for that, Jimmy,” Gem teased, trying to lessen the tension in the air. Jimmy’s face scrunched up in irritation as he half-heartedly glared at her.

“He has a fever, Gem,” Jimmy huffed. Gem laughed nervously.

“I know, I know, just trying to make this less terrible than it is,” Gem sighed. Jimmy gave her a weak smile, and together the two of them gently lifted Scott up. Jimmy ended up mostly holding Scott, while Gem supported his wings. Scott’s head lolled against his shoulder, labored breaths fanning his neck. Jimmy should have felt embarrassed or flustered, cradling Scott like this- but he was too concerned with how limp and unresponsive Scott felt in his arms.

“I’ll get the doors for you!” Shelby offered, quickly making her way over to the apothecary door. Katherine hovered around Jimmy and Gem semi-anxiously, making sure that they had a good hold on Scott as they made their way over to the apothecary. But all went well, and they were able to safely transport Scott into one of the apothecary beds. He had begun to shiver and tremble every so often now, and Jimmy could have sworn the corruption had spread, reaching his fingertips.

“There’s gotta be a way to stop that, or at least slow it down,” Gem murmured in thought, pulling up a chair to sit at Scott’s side. She reached out to the cut where the corruption on Scott’s arm stemmed from, hand glowing purple again. She closed her hand over it, and her eyes began to glow the same purple as her hand. But then the glow flickered, turning red for a moment before it dissipated entirely and Gem drew her hand back with a yelp, stumbling backwards out of her seat beside Scott’s bed. Jimmy scrambled over to help her up, eyes darting nervously between her and Scott.

“Is everything alright? I chased Fwhip off, but I swear if he’s done something in here…” Pearl trailed off as she walked into the apothecary, eyes zeroing on Gem as she rubbed at her temples.

“I’m fine. The corruption- it fought back. It’s… alive, somehow,” Gem said with morbid curiosity in her tone.

“It’s a type of fungus. That’s as much as my people could figure out before I came here to try and find a cure. The red stuff is everywhere in my old home- even if you tried to get rid of it, it would just come back. And in the cases where it latched onto a person… there was no getting it out,” Shelby explained, sounding like she was going to cry. Gem hummed thoughtfully.

“Did you try any sort of magic with it?” she asked.

“No, my people were not magic-users- in fact I’d hardly seen magic before I came here, where the air seems charged with the stuff,” Shelby replied, gesturing around her. A determined expression came over Gem’s face.

“Then I’m not gonna stop trying. I don’t know if I can fully fight off the corruption, but I definitely think I can slow its spread. In the meantime, we’re gonna need to get Scott’s fever down- at this rate, that’ll kill him before the corruption will,” Gem said, resting the back of her hand on Scott’s forehead and frowning.

“He’s probably a little beat-up too- Fwhip did say he trapped his empire,” Katherine added. Gem nodded in agreement.

“We’ll need cool water and cloth to make a compress for his forehead- and I should have some healing potions around here- it couldn’t hurt to brew some more though too, just in case,” Gem rambled, starting to stand up before Pearl put up a hand.

“You two stay here with Scott, I know where you keep things around here. Katherine, Shelby and I can worry about getting things for you,” she soothed. Jimmy tilted his head in confusion.

“Wait, I can help get things too…” Jimmy trailed off uncertainly.

“You can help if you want. I just figured you’d wanna stick by Scott,” Pearl shrugged with a gentle smile. Jimmy flushed slightly as he looked down at the floor, away from Pearl’s knowing stare.

“I… yeah. I’ll stick by Scott,” he said softly, gaze shifting to look at the winged elf who always managed to make his emotions into a muddled mess. Scott was an enemy, a friend, a- a something, then an enemy again- but whatever Scott was to Jimmy now, he knew one thing: he wasn’t letting Scott out of his sight again. Doing so the last time caused this to happen. He had to be there if- no, when Scott woke up. He had to apologize for pushing him away, and hope that maybe Scott still cared about him after everything that had happened to accept it.

-

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[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Wanda//for it is only temporary

Request: Can I request A Wanda Maximoff x Reader, where reader's part of sword and they get stuck in Westview somehow, maybe they get powers similar to monica, and go to wanda for help

hey! i hope you like this!! this is my first wanda request so i’m sorry if it sucks, but here you go anyway! and thank you @statticscribbles for helping me with this! i’d be lost without you.

“Hold on, what?” Jimmy says and you stop to look up at him. You’re met with concerned eyes from everyone in the room, including Hayward and your own eyes widen a little in surprise.

You cough and look away, busying yourself with the suit that you’re hoping is intact and ready for a trip through the hex. You can feel them staring at you, and it makes your skin crawl, despite the majority of them being your friends as well as colleagues. 

They’re waiting for an explanation so they can tell you how bad of an idea it is. And you know it is, you don’t need them to tell you. You’ve spent enough time sat beside the invisible wall trying to find a way in and maybe whatever has caused Monica to rewrite her DNA has seeped into you, but even if it has, at least you haven’t been through it, you’re less likely to...well, to die. And you’ll take those odds, it’s better than the almost guaranteed death of Monica. 

“Think about it, Monica can’t exactly go back in, I mean it’s changed her DNA...no offence.” You send her a sympathetic look and she crosses her arms, a small scowl pulling at her lips. “But I haven’t been in, and I know Wanda, well I know her more than all of these people with guns that are gonna be pointed at her as soon as they find her. I can talk to her, like Monica said, she clearly needs help and well, I know what she’s going through, if anyone can help her and those people that are stuck in there, it’s me.” 

“Y/-” Darcy starts but you cut her off, the tension in the air is already too heavy, it sits on your chest, making it harder and harder to breath and it’s not helped by all of the concerned looks you’re getting. 

“Plus, what era are we in now? The 80s? I’ve always wondered what I’d look like with a perm.” You try to ease the tension with a joke, but the best you get is a forced smile from Jimmy that just makes you feel worse. “I’ll be fine. I have hundreds of people monitoring everything that goes on in there, and I have you.” You look at Darcy and her expression softens. “I know that as soon as you notice one thing wrong, you’ll be the one leading the army in, but please, trust me.” You squeeze her shoulder and she sighs, slumping back in her seat. “Just let me try.” 

“Please, don’t kill me!” You panic and throw your arms in the air. Wanda’s hand lowers a few centimetres, but her eyes still glow red and you remind yourself not to breathe too hard, you know, just in case. “I need your help.” You add and her arm drops to her side. She looks behind her, at the sage coloured house that keeps the three people she holds dearest to her. She knows exactly what each of them are doing. Tommy and Billy are using their dad as a climbing frame, and she should be in the kitchen, making them dinner and smiling as she listens to their laughter. 

But then she see’s the panic in your eyes. You look scared and she knows she doesn’t know you, but somewhere deep down she feels like she does. Maybe in another life you were friends, maybe if things were different, you would be friends. 

“Listen, I probably shouldn’t be telling you this.” You slowly walk closer to her and she stands straighter. “But there is a bunch of people outside of this place with guns and bombs and god knows what, just waiting to come in here and destroy it. But I’m not one of them, and neither is Monica or Darcy or Jimmy. In fact, Darcy and Jimmy have been enjoying this maybe a little too much, but that’s not the point. We want to help you, but we can’t do that if you keep kicking us out, because the people with the guns will come in and they will tear this place down, no matter what.” You explain and you watch her expression change. It goes from confusion, to anger and finally settles on sadness as tears pool in her eyes. 

“So why are you here?” She asks, her eyebrows furrowing as she looks you up and down. 

“Because I wanted to talk to you.” You say and she raises her hands, twisting and turning them together and your eyes widen in panic. You quickly stand straighter and wave your hands around. “But, not anymore.” You add quickly. “Listen, before I came in here, I couldn’t do this.” You say and your eyes change from their normal colour to an icy blue. 

“Oh.” Wanda says confused and you nod slowly. 

“Yeah. I also wasn’t bulletproof and I could barely fight my way out of a sleeping bag that one time I went camping, but I can now have people on the floor in seconds without breaking a sweat. I don’t know what to do. On the way here, an older woman asked how I was and I threw her into a house across the street.” You frown and watch her think for a few seconds. “So, please help. Because, well I can’t seem to control these and I actually quite like not assaulting random people.”  

“What do you think I can do?” She blinks and glances back at her house again. 

“I don’t know.” You shrug. “But you created this place, and you seem to be pretty good at controlling your powers...most of the time.” You mumble the last part and she glares at you. “But well, I figured who better to talk to when you suddenly find yourself become a superher-Oh, holy shit! Am I gonna be an avenger-right sorry, not the time.” You shake your head and she stares at you blankly for a few seconds. “I’m Y/n by the way.” You add quickly and she rolls her eyes. 

“Fine.” She nods. “I’ll help, but any mention of destroying this place and I’ll make sure you’ll never be able to use your newly found powers anymore.” She threatens making you gulp. 

With a flick of her wrist, your suit is transformed into a pair of blue jeans and a very loud t-shirt. Bright eye shadow irritates your eyes and when you try to move your hair from your eyes, your met with tight curls and your face lights up. 

“Did you just give me a perm?” You ask and she looks at your hair before nodding. 

“I thought you’d like it.” She shrugs. “Don’t get used to this. You’re only here until you learn to control your powers and then I’m kicking you out and nobody is going to bother my family again.” She says lowly and you gulp. 

You’re about to reply when footsteps come running down the path towards you. You look up and see Tommy and Billy running towards you with bright smiles on their faces. Vision follows shortly after and you forgot how to breathe for a few seconds, it’s like you’re looking at a ghost. He smiles at you and you return it before focusing your attention on the boys, it’s too much to see Vision alive and well right now.

“Boys, this is Y/n, she’s just moved in across the street.” She introduces you to the twins and they grin and wave at you. 

“Hey,” 

There’s an awkward silence for a few seconds before Wanda jumps in and paints a bright smile on her face. 

“Why don’t we welcome her to the neighbourhood and go bake some cookies for her!” She says and the boys cheer before running back into the house. 

Vision waves at you, but it feels off, it’s like he’s trying to figure out if he’s seen you around. And he has, just not here. 

“Dad!” Tommy shouts and Vision pulls his gaze away from you. He blinks and follows his sons back into the house.

It’s just you and Wanda now, and as soon as Vision walks through the front door, her smile falls. 

“Remember what I said.” She says and you nod quickly. 

“Yep, only temporary.” You reply and she gives you an approving look, before walking away. You look around, hoping that Darcy and Jimmy are watching and send them an unsure thumbs up. 

The credits roll, over a freeze frame of your face, and Darcy and Jimmy stare at each other. 

“Shit.” Darcy mumbles. 

support my writing! if you want! 

[asongofmarvelanddc]

Nothing Will Ever Change (This Love of Mine)

PAIRING: Marcel Gerard X Reader

WORD COUNT: 3,335

WARNINGS: None. Just fluffity fluff fluff fluff.

SUMMARY: Marcel returns from war to his estranged family, and his fiancée. When Klaus threatens her, Marcel realises it’s time to come clean about who he is.

A/N: Title taken from the song by Jimmy Jules. Also, I have a headcanon that Marcel is fluent in French, so translations in italics.

JANUARY, 1919

Whoever said money couldn’t buy status had clearly never met the Mikaelsons.

You didn’t know much about them other than what Marcel had told you: that they were farmers who were orphaned but managed to find some way up the social ladder by acquiring property all over the United States. It would be a heart-warming story if they weren’t so...arrogant.

Everyone could see it when they walked into a room - the way they always expected to be approached and never the other way around. Sure, some of them were always polite for the most part, but they all maintained an air of superiority, spoke to you in a way that reminded you that you’d never be them.

You weren’t fond of the Mikaelsons, and it seemed like the feeling was mutual. They’d reluctantly invited you to the party they were throwing in honour of Marcel’s return from the war. Elijah - being one of the few who tried to make you feel like a part of the family - asked on his family’s behalf which made it difficult to say no. Still, the party was for Marcel, and you’d been waiting four years to see him again, so you graciously accepted the invite.

The party was already in full swing by the time you arrived. You looked around, searching for any familiar faces, but found none other than the Mikaelsons. They were surrounded by people - the mayor being one of them - who were tripping over themselves to be gracious to the Mikaelsons and gain favour with them. 

Not wanting to join the other guests in fawning all over the family, you stood alone at the bar, nursing a stiff drink. All you could think about was Marcel. Before long, you began to feel eyes burning a hole in the back of your head and turned to find Klaus Mikaelson staring at you. It wasn’t obvious all the time, but you got the feeling that he didn’t like you very much. 

Ignoring his glare, you returned to your drink - impatiently waiting for Marcel’s return. But alas, Klaus couldn’t take the hint, and within seconds he was standing by your side.

A charming smile graced his lips as he greeted you, “Y/N. It’s a pleasure to have you here.”

“Is it?” you cocked a brow, “Because I think you only invited me because Elijah asked you to. Not that Marcel would’ve stayed longer than five minutes if he found out I wasn’t here. ”

He chuckled.

“I see you’re not in the mood to exchange pleasantries,” he said.

“What gave it away?”

His smile dropped and he leaned in closer, “Look, whatever I’ve done to upset you-”

“It’s not what you’ve done to me, it’s what you did to him,” you snapped, “Do you realise we wouldn’t even be having this party if it weren’t for you people?”

He avoided your eyes, his confident stance wavering.

“You drove him away.”

Klaus was silent for a moment as your words sunk in. It was clear by the guilty expression on his face that he knew you were right. You expected him to leave you alone after that, but instead, another Mikaelson approached - a smirk on her lips and a champagne glass in her hands.

“My, my, you could cut the tension with a knife.”

You rolled your eyes and turned back to the bar, “I’m not in the mood Rebekah.”

Klaus smiled as he looked at his sister, “Yes, she’s feeling a bit pissy this evening.”

You glared at him.

“Leave the girl alone, Nik,” Rebekah said, “She has enough on her mind.” 

He shot a glance at you, a thoughtful look appearing on his face, but then he let out a quiet sigh and walked away.

A breath of relief escaped your lips once he was no longer in your presence. Rebekah stepped closer to you and tilted her head as she looked at you. 

“So, what’s got you in such a mood?”

You let out another sigh. “I just need to see him, Rebekah,” you said, your voice sounding desperate, “It’s been so long and I just...I just need him here.”

She nodded and placed a hand on your back. “I understand, dear,” she smiled, “Come find me later, yeah?”

You cracked a smile and let out a sigh of relief when she walked away, thankful to be left alone. When you went to down the rest of your drink, the ring on your finger caught your eye and your thoughts immediately travelled back to Marcel.

Putting the glass down on the table, you twirled the ring on your finger, deep in thought. You never did manage to get it resized, there was never any time. Marcel had given it to you the night before he left. You’d been going out of your mind with worry since he decided to enlist, fearful of what could happen to him while he was gone. He called it a proposal, but it was obvious that it was more of a promise that he would come back to you.

And tonight he finally would.

You were reminiscing about the days before Marcel left when you felt arms circle your waist, and a face nuzzle into your neck. Heart hammering in your chest, you reached up slowly and touched the man’s cheek.

“Marcel?”

He hummed in response and placed a kiss on your shoulder. “It’s me, baby.”

A gasp escaped your lips as you closed your eyes and turned around, pulling his lips against yours in a fervent kiss. He grinned as you kissed him, a laugh even slipping out as you wrapped your arms around his neck, your hand resting at the nape of his neck.

You’d thought as soon as you saw Marcel you’d feel relaxed, but instead, your heart was beating out of your chest. Every inch of your body was lit aflame when he placed his hands on your hips and pulled you closer.

“God, I missed you,” he mumbled against your lips just as you broke apart. 

He rose one of his hands to cup your cheek, his thumb wiping away a tear that had rolled down. 

“Hey. No tears, okay?”

You wiped them away, unable to stop smiling. “It’s just so surreal,” you said, “I can’t believe you’re here. I feel like I can finally breathe again.”

“You think you missed me?” he scoffed, “I practically drove the guys in my unit crazy talking about you.”

He still had his arm around you, not wanting to let go. You let yours fall from his neck, one hand resting on his chest, “Four years.”

“Four years.”

You shook your head in wonder as you looked at him again. From his perfect, dazzling smile to those loving brown eyes. Even after everything he’d been through, he looked exactly the same.

“You don’t look like you’ve aged a day.”

Without missing a beat, he said, “I could say the same about you, pretty girl.”

You looked away, heat rising to your cheeks, “Sweet-talker.”

He laughed again, surprised that he could still fluster you even after so long together. Glancing down, he noticed the sparkling ring around your finger.

“You’re still wearing it,” he said and raised a brow, “I take it I haven’t been replaced yet?”

“As if anyone could ever replace you, Marcel Gerard.”

He held your loving gaze for a moment before shaking his head in incredulity and leaning down to kiss you again. It was softer and much more tender this time. 

He rested his forehead against yours, breathing heavily. “Let’s get outta here,” he whispered, looking down at you with lustful eyes.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he said, laughing as he pressed quick kisses from your cheek down to your jaw and neck. He took your hand, leading you towards the exit, when Klaus suddenly appeared in front of you. 

“Marcel,” he said, his hands clasped together behind his back, “I didn’t see you come in.”

Marcel let out a heavy sigh, but the grin on his lips never faltered. “Klaus. Nice to see you.”

Klaus looked taken aback by the response. “On your way out?” he asked, clearly offended, “Didn’t think to pop over to your family and say hello?”

Marcel rolled his eyes. “I just wanted some private time with my girl, Klaus, it’s really not a big deal.”

You noticed the sudden change in Klaus’ expression. In a second, his polite smile and mischievous eyes morphed into a look you could only describe as evil. You’d heard rumours about the Mikaelsons. About Klaus. Rumours you didn’t believe. But if there were monsters in New Orleans - you had definitely just seen one. 

But then like a storm cloud passing, his polite smile was back. “Well, perhaps you and I could have a drink upstairs before you leave, Marcel.”

“Klaus, I really just want to-”

“Or...we could take Y/N out for a drink.”

You felt Marcel’s body stiffen under your touch at those words. His jaw clenched as he gripped your hand tighter, taking a more protective stance in front of you. 

Eventually, he sighed deeply and shook his head, turning to you. “Attends ici, ma chérie,” he whispered as he pressed a kiss to your cheek, “I’ll be right back.” (Wait here, sweetheart)

Klaus’s smile widened, clearly satisfied by Marcel’s decision. The two disappeared up the stairs and into the Mikaelson family room.

                            __________________________

“So, Marcellus,” Klaus began as he poured himself a drink, “We throw you this party to welcome you home, even invite your little girlfriend to make you happy, and yet you can’t even grace us with your presence.”

“You visited me while I was gone, it’s not like you haven’t seen me in years,” Marcel said, “And she’s not my girlfriend, she’s my fiancée. And I haven’t seen her in four years.”

“So, you’d rather spend your first evening back with her than you would your own family?”

Marcel didn’t respond, but his silence spoke volumes.

“I see,” Klaus nodded and downed his drink, “Perhaps if the girl is taken out of the equation you’ll remember exactly where your loyalties should lie.”

Marcel sped in front of the door, blocking it as Klaus stormed towards him.

“You are not touching her, Klaus!” he yelled as he shoved Klaus back, “You’re gonna kill her because I wanna spend time with her? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I assure you, Marcellus, my reasonings for getting rid of that girl are just.”

“Like they were when you daggered Rebekah for five decades?”

“You haven’t been the same since she entered your life,” Klaus said, “She has been tearing you away from your family.”

“She is my family.”

Klaus’ face hardened. “Is that so?”

“Damn straight.”

He stepped closer to Klaus and began speaking in a scarily low voice. “I let go of Rebekah for you, Klaus, but I am telling you right now,” he said, eyes burning with anger, “I would see this city burn before I do the same with Y/N.”

Klaus was silent for a moment as he mulled over Marcel’s words. It seemed he had lost the fight, until a thought occurred to him.

“And what if she lets you go?” he said, the hint of a smile on his lips and a glint in his eye, “I wonder what she’ll think when she finds out just what kind of monster you are.”

Marcel’s jaw clenched, “You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, I would,” he smirked, “I do believe that lasting relationships must be built on honesty and trust. I’d consider me telling her the truth a favour.”

Marcel balled his fists, looking away from Klaus to control his anger. He knew there was no winning a fight with an Original - even if he was burning with rage.

Klaus chuckled to himself and walked over to the door. “Don’t worry, I’ll allow you this one night with her,” he said as he walked out, “Welcome home, Marcellus.”

                            __________________________

Marcel was silent as you watched him put his hat down on your coffee table. He hadn’t been himself since you left the party. You twirled the set of keys in your hand, unsure of how to proceed. 

“You haven’t said a word since we left the mansion.”

He didn’t respond.

You let out a heavy sigh as you walked towards him slowly. “You know, I talked to a couple other ladies whose men came back from the war too,” you began, “They said that they weren’t the same. The things they saw over there...it changed them.”

You waited with baited breath for a response, almost afraid of what he might say. He hadn’t seemed different when you were at the party, but the quiet was making you think his mind was elsewhere.

“I’ve seen worse than I did when I was over there,” he said, his back to you, “That’s not it.”

“Then tell me what’s on your mind.”

For a second, you thought he wasn’t going to elaborate, and you felt your heart sink. Then he turned around slowly, a thoughtful look on his face as he spoke.

“You and I have been together for six years,” he said, almost like he couldn’t believe it, “And yet, there’s still stuff about me - my past - that you don’t know about.”

A nervous smile emerged on your lips as you moved closer to him. “What are you talking about? You’ve told me about your past.”

“Not about my parents. Not about the way I grew up.”

“You told me all that,” you argued, “You told me you never knew your parents. That Klaus’ family adopted you when you were young and you grew up with them as your siblings.”

He shook his head slowly, wiping his mouth with his hand in frustration and placing a hand on his hip. It was clear that he was wrestling with something in him - it was tearing him apart.

“Marcel,” you said as you took his hand, “Tu peux me dire ñ'importe quoi.” (You can tell me anything.)

He looked down at your hands, his eyes staying on them for a long time before he finally spoke. “I wasn’t honest with you about that,” his voice wavered and he paused to take a breath, “Klaus’ family didn’t adopt me...Klaus did.”

You froze for a minute, trying to understand what he just said because it made no sense.

“That’s impossible,” you said, “He would’ve been a boy himself.”

“I was born in 1810 on a plantation here in Louisiana,” he explained, “My mother was a slave, and my father, the Governor...he was her — our master.”

“What? If you were born in 1810 that would make you like—”

“A hundred and nine.”

Your eyes widened in shock as you snatched your hands away from his and stepped back, “Mon Dieu...” (My God...)

He reached out for you, but you took another step back, turning away from him to compose yourself. The stories you’d heard as a child, the ones every child in New Orleans has heard...they were all true.

“Demon of the night,” you whispered, “You’re one of them.”

“Yes.”

“And the Mikaelsons?”

“They’re all like me.”

You took in a deep breath and turned to look at him, arms folded as you eyed him nervously. He was standing a few feet away from you, clearly giving you space to digest everything. It wasn’t working however, because you had a million burning questions and no clue how to feel.

“The things they say about you, your kind...are they all true?” you asked.

“Some of it, yes. But not all of it.”

“So, the blood drinking and the mind control-”

“That’s all true.”

You sucked in a sharp breath once more and looked to the ground. All of this was difficult to hear. But it hurt more to know that he wasn’t honest with you.

“There’s a lot that I want to know,” you began as you lifted your gaze to meet his, “But I only have three big questions.”

He stepped towards you, surprised when you didn’t move back, and took your hand in his. “Anything you wanna know, just ask and I promise I’ll tell you everything.”

You nodded, mustering up a small smile before looking down again. “Have you killed people?”

“That’s a difficult question.”

“How is that a difficult question?”

“I’ve been a vampire for eighty-four years, Y/N,” he said, “During that time, I’ve fought in two wars. Yes, I’ve killed people, but never innocents. Not even when the hunger was unbearable.”

Again, you nodded slowly. You couldn’t deny the relief you felt after hearing that.

“Does Klaus? Kill innocents?” you asked, deciding on a follow-up question.

“He’s lived a lot longer than I have,” Marcel sighed, “I don’t think you get to be a vampire for almost a thousand years without getting some blood on your hands.”

“Wow,” you whispered. You’d always known there was something about that family, but you never would’ve guessed this. Suddenly you could understand the arrogance — you too would feel superior to everyone if you’d lived a thousand years of strength, speed, and the ability to get whatever your heart desired.

Marcel cocked his head at you, “You’ve been quiet for a minute. You wanna ask the rest of your questions?”

You blinked back into reality. “Yeah, uh...” you looked up at him, hesitant to ask him the next question, “This isn’t easy to say, Marcel, but I have to ask.”

“Go ahead.”

You bit your lower lip nervously, “Have you ever drank from me? Or used your compulsion on me?”

“Wow, um...” Marcel stepped back, your hand falling from his. He was taken aback. “No, I’ve...I’d never do that to you.”

“Marcel, I’m sorry, but I had to ask if-”

“I get it.”

“-we were ever gonna be comfortable with each other again.”

“Yeah, it’s okay. I understand. It’s fine.” He spoke the words quickly, hoping to sound like he didn’t care, but it was clear by the way he dropped his shoulders and avoided your eyes just how much the question had hurt him.

You walked towards him, this time being the one to take his hands, “Je suis désolé.” (I’m sorry)

“C'est pas grave.” He placed a hand against your cheek and smiled softly. You leaned into it, closing your eyes as you sighed deeply. Even after all you’d learned, he still felt like home. (It’s alright)

“Final question,” you said as you stood up straight and looked at him earnestly, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What?” 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were a vampire?” you repeated, “J'aime tout de toi, tu le sais. You’re my family, so why didn’t you trust me?” (I love everything about you, you know that.)

“I trust you, I just—” He paused to collect his thoughts. “At first, I was being selfish. You liked me as I was, and as a bonus, had a wit sharp enough to leave even Klaus speechless,” he chuckled as you rolled your eyes while fighting off a smile, “But soon enough it became about protecting you from all of that death and darkness.”

“Tu aurais du me le dire.” (You should’ve told me)

Marcel frowned and pulled you close, “Je t'aime et je ne voulais pas te perdre.” (I love you, and I didn’t wanna lose you.)

“Mon coeur,” you smiled as you placed a hand against his cheek, “There is nothing about you that could make me love you less.”

The way he looked at you when you said that — perfect and loving as ever — tugged at your heart strings. He didn’t say a word. He simply wrapped his arms around you and leaned down to kiss you. Your heart racing as he did so let him know that the truth hadn’t changed anything between you.

You pulled away and rested your forehead against his, “Dieu, je t'aime tellement.” (God, I love you so much)

“Tu es mon coeur, mon amour, ma vie,” he whispered against your lips, “Je t’aime.”

[tinyboxxtink]

Build Me Up Buttercup *PART 2*

Heya, this has built it’s own little following! <3

Summary: You’re an SVU detective, you and the squad are driving to Hartford CT to interview a victim’s family. ROAD TRIP!!!

Part 1 

Part 3

“Are you serious, Carisi?” Rafael turned to throw dagger eyes at Sonny.

“Look I’m sorry counselor, I have a weak bladder!” Sonny apologized as the other three in the back giggled like children.

“What did I say before we left? It’s only a 2 hour drive, why didn’t you go back at the station?!” Barba barked again.

“Ooooooh, you’re in trouble….” Amanda giggled in a kiddie voice.

“Daddy Rafa is pissed Carisi!” Fin chimed in with a laugh. Rafael’s face went from mad to slightly embarrassed, he really did hate being seen as the “Father” of the group. Especially with you in it.

“Ahem...you know what? It’s fine. It’s fine, Y/N find the next gas station so the puppy here can pee,” He sighed with a roll of his eyes.

The four backseat passengers all gave each other looks of confusion, while you eyed Rafael with a raised eyebrow.

“What? I’m cool,” he looked back at you.

“Right...yeah, no you’re totally cool, counselor,” You half laughed.

Soon enough you find a gas station to pull into. Sonny barreled out of the car towards the building as everyone else got out to stretch their legs.

“Y’know I think I’ll hit the head myself; wouldn’t want Daddy Barba yelling at me next,” Amanda laughed while Olivia and Fin agreed. They all walked towards where Sonny had run off to, leaving you and Barba alone.

“So, uh...did you want some coffee or something?” You asked, trying to make conversation with the very little knowledge you had of him.

“God I would kill for some coffee, but not this swill,” he scoffed at a sign that read “FRESH CAPPUCCINOS SOLD HERE”.

“Oh right, Daddy Warbucks doesn’t drink the coffee of the peons,” You chuckled, but noticed quickly that he was not laughing with you. He even looked...hurt.

“Christ Almighty….is that really what you think of me, Y/N? How the whole squad thinks of me?” He bit back with a harsh tone.

“Whoa there counselor, I was just--” you started to explain yourself but were interrupted by him once again.

“Joking? Yeah, I’m sure. That’s all I am to you,” he scoffed, walking away from the car in the opposite direction of where the others had gone.

“Where are you gonna go Barba, we’re in the middle of nowhere!” You called after him. The gas station really was in the middle of nowhere, there was basically forest everywhere you looked. It was beautiful-- well, it would be beautiful if you could enjoy it without having to chase after a grown man having a temper tantrum. Realizing he wasn’t turning back you sighed and slammed your car door, locking it and running after him. Hopefully the others would be a while. You came upon Rafael muttering angrily to himself in spanish, looking off into the trees.

“These heels aren’t meant for rural terrain, Barba!” You whined as you took off your Jimmy Choo heels that were now caked in mud. He turned to face you with an unamused stare.

“Look where-- Where is this even coming from, Barba?” You skidded along the grass now barefoot, trying not to get the rest of your clothes muddy.

“Rafael,” he softly replied.

“What?” you asked as you walked towards him closing the gap between your bodies.

“Call me Rafael. Everyone else does, I don’t know why you don’t.”

“I...well, I mean everyone else knows you better than I do.” you shrugged.

“Yeah, I KNOW,” he scoffed again.

“What….what is happening right now, RAFAEL? Why are you being so weird all of a sudden?!”  You threw up your hands in confusion and defeat.

“Nothing I’m just...I’m tired. You know we had to get to the station at 6 am so we could leave with enough time to make it for the interview, and lunch. And now, Carisi’s stupid bladder is going to make us fall behind, which means we probably won’t get lunch until AFTER the interview, and I’m already starving. Plus, like I said, my tumbler ran out of my coffee like five minutes after we left, and I NEED coffee,” Rafael sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Just not this ‘swill’,” You interjected.

“Just because I have a certain taste and a certain way to do things does NOT make me a snob!” he yelled even louder than he had before.

“Who said you were?” you asked innocently, he looked at you with disbelief.

“YOU! With your ‘Daddy Warbucks’ comment; which by the way, I’m not that much older than the rest of the squad, besides you. I’m not the ‘father’ of this little tribe,”

“O...kay? Look, I’m sorry you’re having a...rough day. I shouldn’t have said anything, my bad,”

You turned and walked back to your car, not noticing Rafael was attempting to say something. Soon though he gave up and just followed you back where the rest of the group were waiting.

“I’m sorry, was it not you who was JUST freaking out about us being on a schedule? And you’re taking time to stop and smell the trees?!” Sonny bitched at the steaming ADA.

“Sonny….lay off,” you warned as you all got back in the vehicle.

“But he--”

“Leave Rafael ALONE. He needs his coffee,” you gave Rafael a half smile, starting the car and pulling out.

“Fucking children I swear….” Fin muttered under his breath.

As you pulled back onto the highway, you gestured towards a big pink sparkly thermos in your floorboard. Rafael picked it up and started to hand it to you, but you put your hand up.

“No, for you,” you smirked. “....I only drink the good stuff myself,”

He raised an eyebrow and cautiously sipped the contents of the thermos. You saw his expression go from wary to ecstasy.

“Mmmmm!!!! Damn that’s good coffee!” He beamed, while you giggled in response.

“Thank you, Y/N,”

“Call me Buttercup,” you said with a wink.

[wormstacheangel]

What are the best episodes with Castiel to watch?

Hello! Sorry, this took me a while to answer but here you go! If I miss some it’s cause I don’t remember anything or I was just Bleh about it.

Castiel Epiosdes

4x01 ICONIC 

4x16 ICONIC

4x20 Jimmy is important to Cas and I love him. 

4x22 ICONIC Greenroom. Cas picks a side aka Dean.

5x03 Cas and Dean being friends! Gay panic is real my friends. 

5x04 THE END. “It's the end, baby. “

5x13 “Sam is my friend.” 

5x14 Cupid (He made a cameo video it was cute) and Cas eating raw meat off the floor.

5x16 “You son of a bitch! I believed in-” OWW

5x17 Drunk Cas.

5x18 At this point he’s just done with everything. So he just carves, YES CARVES, an angel banishing sigil into his own chest. He does not hesitate.

Season 6 is good for Cas because the whole time he’s apart of a civil war and is just a terrible liar.

6x06 I am trying not to make this list about Destiel but the scene where Cas pours Dean’s drink. 

6x10 Pizza Man.

6x19 Baby in a trenchcoat aka leader of the heaven rebellion but sure Dean. He’s just cute. 

6x20 ICONIC 

6x21& 22 Both show that Cas is slowly realizing that he is not in control. 

7x01 The whole episode is wild but Cas just going to heaven and saying I’m Daddy now really takes the cake. (not the actual words he used.)

7x02 Cas’s death #3?

7x17 MISHA -- OH um, I mean CAS to the rescue lol

7x21 His cute little laugh! Honey!Cas has my heart and soul. Bonus Destiel: “ When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost!” RIP Hester Queen

7x23 “Cursed or not.” Also his little smile when he asks for the plan ahh!

aka all episodes in s7 with Cas in it is worth watching.

Okay, I’ll try to control myself now but watch all of s8 cause its beautiful.

8x02 We see Dean’s POV to the purgatory portal scene. Also, hear Cas’s reason for leaving Dean.

8x07 We see Cas’s POV of the purgatory pov scene. Also, learn how Cas escapes purgatory. 

8x08 “I’m gonna be a hunter.” He’s so CUTE!

8x10 Cas needs a hug. Please.

8x17 ICONIC. “what broke the connection?” AHH

8x21 Badass Castiel

8x22 & 23 Castiel wants to do good. He wants to help but he just puts his trust in the wrong people. It hurts me so much. Look he’s just a small child and he is dealing with a lot right now. 

Season 9 Cas looks good. Like fanservice time father of two!

9x01 First look at human Cas!

9x03 I can’t watch this ending again. It’ll make me spiral. But it’s a good human Cas and destiel episode. Also, fuck April. She gross. 

9x06 ICONIC BLESSED jilted lover. 

9x09 He looks good.

9x10 “I prefer the word trusting. Less dumb. Less ass.” They are both dumbasses.

9x11 Sam & Cas chaotic vibes

9x14 Cas storyline with the angels starts or at least makes it more clear idk

9x18 Gabriel! Also, “Damn it, Dean!” and Cas accepts his role as a leader. The angels are dumb. 

9x22 Sam & Cas dream team lol Also, Cas picks Dean over heaven again.

9x23  “--and for what again? Oh, that's right -- to save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right? Well, guess what. He's dead, too.”

10x01 Cas draped across the bed like a victorian lady waiting for her husband to come back from the war

10x03 You know that scene where he’s lying on the floor bloody and dying and the Crowley saves him. And then Cas glows and heals with grace and he’s glaring up at Crowley? You know that scene. Yeah. Bonus: I’m gay and bloody Hannah is also hot. Small tip: Ignore the creepy/gross Hannah and Cas set up the writers are trying to do. They are siblings. 

10x09 Claire! That’s his daughter!

10x10 Claire and Cas make me cry.

10x14 Deleted scene of “Maybe he’s your boyfriend.” 

10x17 Sam & Cas! They are best friends, you guys!

10x18 Charlie and Cas meet! AND THEY ARE ALL HAPPY AND I CRY

10x20 Claire! Cas get’s her a birthday present, grumpy cat stuffy, and she keeps it! And I cry. And she saves him. And she cares about him. 

okay 10x21 cause of Charlie and Cas but also fuck this episode. Charlie deserved better. 

10x22 ICONIC gosh damn it. I-

10x23 Just for backstory for Cas in s11. Our poor boy can't catch a break. 

I worked on this for two hours now Nonny and I don’t even care. I miss Cas.

Season 11 hurts my damn soul because of Cas. I won’t include Casifer, though it was A LOT of fun to watch him.

11x01 “Dean, did it work?” I wanna hold this poor sad madly in love man. 

11x02 I can’t handle the torture. He looks so sad.

11x03 Bless you director, Jensen Ross Ackles.

11x04 Okay, not a lot of Cas but I love this episode. 

11x06 They don’t talk about his trauma but they show us a little when he tries to leave the bunker. And I cried. Once again. Let. Me. Hold. Him. 

11x10 Ambriel glad you are dead cause you were SO rude. Also, Amara girly, queen, I love you but apologize. Stop being mean to Castiel.

11x22 Cas get’s to talk and that’s nice

11x23 “I can go with you.” Sir, you just came back from being possessed by THEE satan and now you are ready to die by your future husband's side. You need therapy. 

Okay, I stopped watching live after season 11 because of the way they treated Cas so these next seasons I binged watched ( a couple of times) but wasn’t apart of the fandom so it feels like I didn’t fully grasp them. But here we go!

12x01 Cas meets his mother-in-law. Also the little, “Dean!” when he hugs him. 

12x02 Cas and Mick :)

12x03 Agent Beyonce and Zee lol Cas and Crowley and should have had a sitcom 

12x08 Cas gets a text (angel radio) that he’s gonna be a Dad and it looks like when Alice had a vision of the Volturi in Breaking Dawn Part 2 lol

12x09 Let me hug Cas! He’s sad over his family being gone. Also, Mary, I love you but I don’t forgive anybody for being mean to Cas. All the Winchesters are on thin fucking ice with me. 

12x10 ICONIC destiel. Cas in a female vessel. 

12x12 ICONIC “I love you. I love all of you.” 

12x19 Worried husband Dean. Excited soon-to-be father Cas.

12x23 Cas dies (again) from child birth.

Watch the first few episodes of season 13 for the famous widower arc cause wtf they gave us THAT. Also, I don’t care for the other world storyline so I pushed that out of my head. 

13x04 Cas annoying a cosmic entity. Fun fact! I dislike the trenchcoat cause it looked so stiff and the color was off idk didn’t look great but Cas looked beautiful when he looks up at the sun! Ah!

13x05 IT’S NOT TOO LATE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN

13x06 ICONIC BROKEBACKNATURAL Also, Jack and Cas meet and I cried damn it. “I missed you.” That’s his son!

13x07 Cas doesn’t put anybody or anything above his baby boy

13x12 Cas has the dumbest husband but at least Cas stabs lucifer. Bet Misha felt good

13x14 Badass Cas. He’s a top. lol 

13x16 ICONIC Cas looks...great. Like, watch it. I would do anything for cartoon!cas

13x19Just cause Cas faced someone who tortured him and it’s made to seem like he should get over it and it pisses me off. But Naomi is so cool so idk I like her but would fight her

13x22 Otherworld Cas is there and Cas just kills himself. He needs therapy. 

13x23 Cas’s face when Dean says yes. Also, family hunting trip yay

14x01 Dadstiel! Also, Cas looks good. 

14x03 Dadstiel.

14x07 Dadstiel. “Losing a son feels different.” And I cry. 

14x08 “because I love you Jack. And Sam and Dean--they love you.” THEY DO LOVE HIM AHHHH! Also, Empty deal is made as an excuse for the writers to do something with Cas later. 

I just realized season 14 is just Cas trying desperately to keep his family together. He’s trying to take care of them and he has the right words to say to everyone but not much happens besides him wanting to be a family man. 

14x14 gay on gay violence lol Also another family hunting trip! 

14x15 Fav episode! I just love Sam & Cas’s dumb chaotic energy in this ahaha! They are best friends damn it!

14x18 Cas is trying desperately to keep his family together and he feels responsible for Mary

14x19 Cas should have been allowed to kick Sam and Dean’s dumb flat asses for locking his baby boy in a box. 

14x20 AHHH

Divorce arc! All of s15 is great! Except you know...19&20 but we ignore that in this house. 

15x03 ICONIC but I will never watch it again

15x06 dude, they really be broken up. Cas kicks ass by himself and he’s fishing and he’s so cute. 

15x09 ICONIC Let him talk, Castiel!

15x11 Cas is THEE best Dad and let’s Jack eat hearts

15x13 Just for the family.

15x15 :(

15x17 Cas working to keep his baby boy

15x18 :( I mean at least he’s out but :(

Okay, this took me all day and I had fun! Nobody is gonna read it but who cares cause I just spent my day thinking of Cas when I had a pretty shit day so thanks, Nonnie! 

[keith-the-hoe]

The Glimmer Hoes Master Plan| Crack Fanfic Mini Series

Episode One: [X]

Episode Two: [X]

Episode Three: [X]

Episode Four: [X]

Episode Five: Slaughter House

Warnings:

This whole thing is plain stupid and a waste of time. It may contain violence, sex scenes and a shit ton of no no words. Do not read if you are a five year old. No but seriously, do not read if you are under age. Lolz.

Writer's notes: Oh wowie! This is the last episode of this crack fanfic. What a crazy ride! I have no idea where this is going lead to so it's probably going to leave you in a long state of confusion. This one is going to be just slightly longer than the previous episodes so I'm sorry about that lolz. Thank you for reading this messed up story. Have fun.

------------------

Cast:

Mick Jagger

Keith Richards

Charlie Watts

Bill Wyman

Robert Plant

Jimmy Page

David Bowie

Ronnie Wood

--------------------------

"All aboard! Next stop, the cat house!"

A tall man with curly blonde hair yelled from across the balcony. Charlie happened to be the dumb whore who woke up first. He heard the man yelling which angered him so much. The other hoes were still asleep so he quietly leaped over Bill and headed out to the patio. He spotted the dumbass who was yelling a bunch of nonsense.

"Leave them be...." A sickly voice came from behind Charlie. He quickly turned to look only to see a pale Mick sitting on the floor covered in blood. Charlie's eyes widen and began to fear for his life. Mick's eyes were all droopy and looked right at Charlie.

"Wot in bloody hell have you done Mick!?" He yelled in fear. Mick took a deep breath.

"I didn't do a damn thing!" Mick responded. "Those damn bastards attacked me!" He pointed at the man with curly hair and another one with dark hair. They were both tossing random shit into the pool to see if the item would float. Charlie was utterly confused. He looked back at Mick.

"Sweet mother of God dad shoes penis plant....." Charlie said he just shook his head in pure disappointment. The whore of The Rolling Stones let two other whores of Led Zeppelin beat the shit of him? How did that even work? He just wanted to go home. Keef came out of the room and spotted Mick on the floor. 

“WOT IN BLOODY HELL HAPPENED TO YOU MICK!?!” Keef yelled sounding very worried. Mick just slowly looked up at him. He was extremely hungry but did not want to slaughter anyone in front of his buddies so he made up the lie that Robert Whore Plant and Satanist James Patrick Page had beaten him up. Keef went up to the two to give them a piece of his monkey mind. “Hey douchbags!” As soon as one of them turned to look at him, Keith swung his arm and punched the side of Robert’s jaw causing him to fall into the pool. Hope he can swim. 

“Oh! You FOOKING monkey! You just knocked my fuck buddie into the damn pool!” Jimmy yelled sounding pretty darn pissed. Keef body slammed him into the pool and began to attack him. Charlie just stood there watching him embarrass the fuck out of himself. He turned to look at Mick and noticed his was no longer there. He looked around and did not spot him anywhere. Bill came out of the room and saw Charlie panicking. 

“Yo mate? Wot’s up with you now huh?” He asked as he spotted Keith attacking the two Led Zeppelin members. He was not going to question what he was even trying to achieve. 

“Mick went missing!” Charlie responded. Bill rolled his eyes. Now he was confused on why he is freaking out about the whore being missing. Sometimes he just did not understand Charlie. Keith had unsuccessfully drowned both members. Jimmy got away to alarm the other two that there is a mad monkey trying to kill them. Damn he just wanted to defend his buddy. Fuckin’ whores. Good thing no one actually likes Led Zeppelin. He went back to Bill and Charlie. He noticed Mick wasn’t with them so he went into panic mode.

“W-where did Mick go!?” He asked. Bill and Charlie just shrugged. The three heard screaming coming from a room that was across from where they were. 

“HELP! Mick Jagger is trying to kill me!” The screaming came from a woman. The three lads ran to the room. Mick was laying on a bed with a blade in his hand. 

“Mick! You fooking wanker! You’re scarring the poor girl!” Keith scolded Mick. Charlie was absolutely done with the glimmer hoes. He wondered when they would break up the band and part ways. It seemed to him that will not happen any time soon. Keith carried Mick out of the room. “Jesus mate! The hell’s up with you huh? You’ve been acting all strange.” He asked as he took him to their room. Mick’s faded blue eyes looked right at Keith’s dark eyes. He seriously needed food. 

“I....I-” He spat out. 

“You wot?” Keith cut him off. Mick was trying to gather his words but was too weak for it. Instead, he pointed at the door. Keith looked at him confused. “You wanna go outside?” he asked. Mick nodded in response. 

“Jesus! Well let’s get to it! I am so sick and tired of this hell hole!” Charlie said angrily. Keith stuck his tongue out at him. Mick wrapped himself in a blanket and Keith carried him out. The Rolling Stones hopped in the van that was vandalized not by Led Zeppelin but by The Who. Charlie was mad. “Oh! Those fucking ratatouille bastards!” They began to drive.

It has been quite a while since they had left the motel. They haven’t made any stops. Not even for bathroom breaks. Mick just kept staring at Keith’s monkey face. To him, it was like the most beautiful face in the entire world. Charlie put some tunes on the radio. A song by Led Zeppelin was playing which drove Charlie into road rage. He began to drive past cars, crash into them, drive them off of places and all sorts of other dumb shit. Bill, who was sitting next to him eating cheeseballs that he had found in one of Keith’s trousers, turned off the radio. He looked at Charlie with a scared look. 

“The hell was that for!?” He asked. Charlie just sat there trying to figure out why he just did that. Honestly, no one had a clue. The sun was starting to set but Charlie was not going to stop driving. He was going to keep on going until they found a house that belonged to them. Only problem was, it was way too far away from where they were settling in. Mick gently ran his fingers through Keith’s hair. He just looked at Mick’s arm with a confused look. Mick looked very sick which began to worry him a bit. 

“Hey buddy, don’t you worry about a damn thing, we’ll get you somewhere safe.” He said softly. He also noticed that Mick had a hungry look in his face. An idea sparked in his head. “Hey Mick! I have some cheeseballs you could eat!” He said as he searched for them. “Uh guys? Where did I put my cheeseballs?” Bill was eating them. He put them away before anyone noticed. “Ah darn! That was my only food :(” Keith said sounding upset. 

"I don't need food," Mick said in a scratchy voice. Keith just looked at him confused.

"How do you not need it? You haven't ate anything since you came back to us..... C'mon man, you gotta eat something...." Keith said in a worried way. Mick just shook his head. He was indeed hungry but for human meat. He wasn't going to tell him that he wanted to eat humans. It would scare the living shit out of him. Charlie aggressively stepped on the breaks and caused the glimmer hoes to fly off of their seats. Dammit just wear your damn seatbelts you fucking dumbass! Jesus I hate this world! Bill looked at Charlie.

"Why did you stop in the middle of the bloody road!?" He yelled. Charlie pointed at a man with a red mullet and a lot of makeup. He stood there in front of the van. Mick looked out the windshield. He couldn't believe it.

"David!?" Keith yelled. "Wot in bloody hell are you doing here!?" David just slowly walked up to the door.

"Can I get a lift?" He asked. Mick quickly opened the door and pulled Bowie in. He gave him a tight hug and began to sob. The other hoes were confused as fuck.

"Oh David! I thought I'd never see you again!" Mick said as he cried tears of joy. Bowie hugged him back and gave him a couple pats on his back. Oh Keefey got so jelly of them.

"Seriously David, wot the fuck are you doing here?" Keef asked in an annoyed way.

"Jesus mate, just need a bloody ride to go to Ronno's bathroom house," He responded. Keef just rolled his eyes at him. Charlie began to drive. There is no way he is going to stop by at a guy's house. He hates everyone and just wants to go home.

Mick and David spent most of the trip cuddling with each other and whispering sweet nothings in their ears. Keef sat there watching them with his arms crossed. He could not believe that Bowie just stole his underwear hoe. Oh wait.... Mick doesn't wear those..... Sorry lolz. He got irritated at him that he attempted to shove him out of the van. Mick got so angry at him for doing that.

"Fuck off Monket! The hell is wrong with you!? Just leave him be you whore!" Mick yelled. Keef felt his heart shatter a little. Mick had replaced him with the alien whore. His vision began to water up. He turned away from them both and silently cried. Way to go Mick! Charlie was so done with them. He felt a hand run up to his crotch. He jumped and smacked it.

"Owie mate!" Bill yelled in response. Charlie just looked at him with a scared look. I swear to God he just wants to go home! Mick and David fell on top of Keef and began to make out. The fall caused Keef to die for a little bit.

"No! Not in here!" Charlie yelled as he took a sharp turn. They both flew out of their seats. Haha dumb fucks.

The Rolling Stones and David, had arrived at a cabin that was located in a Wal-Mart's bathroom.

"Pretty darn neat," David said. Mick just skilled at him and held his hand as they made their way into the house. Mick slipped in black paint and fell in the Home Alone style. Lolz. Nobody cared enough to help so they just all went to their bedrooms. Although Bill has his own room, he went to sleep with Charlie. Mick and Bowie went to sleep in their bedroom. Keef just stayed in the living room drinking fish oil and gas.

Bowie and Mick were cuddling together in bed. They both were hella horny so they began to touch each other and grind on one another. Bowie kissed him with tongue. He was quite tasty. They eventually ended up screwing each other and stared at the ceiling. Mick began to thirst over Bowie. He hovered over him and caressed his beautiful face. He began to kiss his neck. He sniffed it too and licked it. Bowie was enjoying it. Mick bit his neck and began to nibble on the meat. Bowie screamed in a lot of pain. Mick took a huge bite out of his neck and chewed on it. Bowie died. He then ate his brain and his toes.

"I'm sorry Davey....." Mick whispered to him. "I need to keep myself alive. He got off of his bed and headed out to the door. He looked around to see if anyone was around the living room. He didn't spot anyone so he headed to Charlie's room. Mick silently opened the door. Charlie and Bill were asleep. He slowly approached them as he licked his lips. "Oh you both look so delicious...." He whispered. Bill felt Mick getting closer. His eyes snapped open and saw Mick about to eat him.

"WOT ARE YOU DOING!?" He yelled as he kicked Mick off of the bed. That angered him and began to chase Bill around the room. Charlie woke up and saw them both running around. "Charlie! This whore wants to devour me!!" Bill yelled. Mick hissed at Charlie and targeted him. Bill threw a vase at him and took Charlie out of the room. They both went to get Keef to alarm him about Mick. Keef joined their escape plan. The three of them hopped in the van and tried to turn the engine on. All it did was make the engine do weird coughing sounds. The van was down. The three ran into the forest to hide from Mick. Keef saw him in the distance.

"Oh bloody hell! He's right behind us!" Keef yelled. They began to run faster. Mick was running after Bill. He ran as fast he could but unfortunately he tripped over a tree branch and twisted his ankle. Charlie turned to look at him. He panicked and was about to run to help him. Mick got to him before he could and ate his intestines and penis.

"NO!" Charlie yelled. He continued running to help him. Keef stopped Charlie before he could get to them.

"Don't! We gotta go! There's nothing we can do about it! Freddie said so in a song!" Keef yelled as he pulled Charlie away from them. He kept screaming for Bill and began to cry. They ran pretty far from Mick. They found a random abandoned shack and hid there. Charlie laid on the floor crying his eyes out. Keef went to him and tried to comfort him.

"There there buddy....." He began, "I know you loved him but there's nothing we can do..... Everything's going to be okay." Charlie shook his head. He could not believe that he saw his own bestie die in front of him. They heard footsteps out side. Keef peaked out of the window. Mick was around the area looking for them. Keef warned Charlie to keep quiet.

"Keef?" Mick said in a sad voice. "Keef c'mon.... I didn't mean to do that. You know me better than anyone else that I would never hurt anyone. I don't know wot happened. Keef please come out here and sing a song together."

Keith's eyes began to tear up. He searched around the shack to find some sort of weapon. He didn't want to kill his whore. He's known him for so long. He could even recognize the Mick that was outside of the shack. Mick heard footsteps approaching him and enabled his fightey mode. A man with a big nose attacked him. He hissed and fought him back. Keith quickly looked out the window and saw them both fighting. He could not believe it. Big Nose Whore put Mick down and began to stab him. Mick yelled in pain. Keith saw Big Nose stab him a couple more times until Mick's yelling stopped. Keith ran outside to them.

"R-Ron!?" He stuttered. "How did you find us!?" Ronnie just looked him. He stood up and took underwear out of his trousers.

"I used these to track you guys down and saw Mick killing Bill," He explained. "Wow! You Rolling Stones are super ugly and wild!"

Keith just stood there annoyed. He thought he had died in that giant explosion with Rod. Guess he was glad he was alive. Charlie came out of the shack and saw him. He was hella disappointed. Why did he have to come back? He didn't even matter that much.

"Oh well hello Charlie!" Ronnie said with a smile. No. He was not going to say hello to him back. Keith placed his arm around Ron and pulled him closer to him.

"Glad to have ya back Ron....." He added. Ronnie just smiled widely.

The three began to make their way back to the cabin. Charlie started to get bad vibes from Ron. Once they stepped inside, Ronnie closed the door and locked it. Keef and Charlie looked at him. They noticed that his eyes were also faded into a light blue shade. They both began to fear for their lives. Charlie pushed Keef and told him to run. Ronnie hissed and attacked Charlie.

"CHARLIE NO!" Keef yelled. He watched Ron slaughter Charlie up and ran out the window. Ronnie ran after him. They both kept running into the woods. Ron caught up to the monkey and managed to bite his foot. Keef fell and yelled in pain. He tried to escape from his grip. He spotted a pretty sharp branch. He stretched his arm out to grab it. Once he was able to get it, he used it to stab Ronnie. He stabbed him to death. He was in so much pain. Keef managed to crawl pretty far from the woods. He didn't think he was going to survive at all considering his foot was gone and was bleeding a lot.

Keith arrived at the police station. He was too weak to open the door so he laid in front of it. Hours passed by, a young man with long brown hair stepped out of the building and almost tripped over Keith. He saw him laying there unconsciously.

"Guys! Keith Richards is on the ground!" He yelled at the police cops. Fuck them Jesus I hate em. Two officers came out and saw Keith, who was pale and had faded blue eyes.

"No way!" One of them began, "Its the fucking guitarist of The Rolling Stones!"

Keith began to blink and spotted them fangirling over him. He began to thirst over them. He reached out to grab one of their legs and bit it. They all began to scream in fear. Keith managed to eat the other two. He sat there on the steps finishing up his meal. A short blonde man approached him. He was also pale and had faded blue eyes. He sat next to him.

"Well Richards....." He began, "You ate the three of them on your own?"

Keith just chuckled in response. "Hell yeah I did." The small one reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He offered one to Keef and lit it for him. They just both looked up at the sunny sky.

"You ready to begin your next slaughter house?" He asked. Keith blew out a cloud of smoke.

"You know it Jones," they both chuckled and gave each other a high five. Their zombie love began to grow.

writer's notes: Oh sweet Jesus! I have no idea what I just wrote! this is pretty damn stupid and weird. well it is called crack fanfic for a reason. lol zombies wtf is that? hope you guys enjoyed reading this stupid fanfic. also thank you for reading lolz.

[stone-man-warrior]

July 8, 2020: 3:00 pm:

https://mailchi.mp/premierguitar/hooked-videos-lindsay-ell-on-hendrix-marty-schwartz-on-led-zeppelin-butch-walker-on-joe-walsh-gina-gleason-on-pantera-and-more?e=941be062ce That is a link to a Premier Guitar promotional email from Hollywood DC terror command HQ. It arrived at 1:07 pm today. The email serves as a update or as an alternate way of saying the same commands that were presented at the White House School Opening Round table that I touched on yesterday, and explained how the First Point, Second Point, Third Point at Malibu is an established terror theme that is uses as a basis for saying terror orders, where there are rulers of the beach at First Point, there are assassins in the water at Third Point, and there victims in between at Second Point. This from PG Guitar, explains it all again, in musical terms. The first riff in the series, is from a Jimmy Hendrix song. Hendrix was one of the victims of SAG long ago, he was sent to the “27 Club” and killed by SAG. Hendrix played a right handed guitar, upside down, and left handed, throughout his career.

Jimmi Hendrix, was “Front Side, Goofy Foot”. He went “Left” at Second Point, and directly into the Drop-In at Third Point, where the Subs are at. There may be more in the presentation by the young lady, Lindsey Ell. The next thing in the PG Riff interview, is Butch Walker doing the James Gang Funk #49 riff. There is a ton of stuff going on in that presentation. Everything from that basement vibe with no windows, to that black thing on the right of the screen standing up, to the clutter that you might say is the white wash after the Wipe-Out, and more, is part of the PG Message. When you look at him, see that he is “Johnny Depp”, doing some Grunge, has thick spectacles, black horned rim, and is decidedly a Canadian terror soldier at Third Point waiting for “Larkin Poe” who will be there shortly. Butch Walker, is one of the Subs at Third Point. He uses the Funk #49 riff to help remind Canadians of the 249 inches that a “Three Point Field Goal” is measured from somewhere on the court, but seems to “Travel”, is not consistent. The game of Basketball, was invented by a Canadian, so, everything about the game of Basketball is known by the Canadian terror army. (Personally, I say just put five minutes on the clock, and start each team out with One-Hundred points, and the result will be the same as a full four quarter game). There is much to consider in that Johnny Depp/Butch Walker presentation of a James Gang/Eagles sort of vibe.                                                                                                      Baroness' Gina Gleason on Pantera's "Domination" comes next. Gina, is not easy to know what gender she is. That is part of the terror comm. She is friendly, knowledgeable, and is in a happy looking house, is a family member, and seems cool, like you could talk to her. But she is playing “Domination��� by Pantera. That can’t be good, and she is secretly attracted to Dime Bag Daryl. Her Dad must be having a heart attack trying to keep her safe. Gina, is headed directly for those Long Boarders at First Point, and will be chased back into the line-up at Second Point for the taking when the next set comes rolling in.

There is an “Intermission” right there in the promotion from Revv Amplification. That is the time period when those First Point Long Boarders are going to have their way with Gina, before tossing her back into the Second Point line-up for the next Set of Swells, where by that time, she is sure to be “Front Side, Goofy Foot” and headed Left, into the path of “Johnny Depp and the Subs” who are playing at the “Third Point Drop-In at The Bu”.

Next in the PG command, is Marty Schwartz. Marty is a You Tube personality who goes back a long way with Google. He is different, is cool, knowledgeable, and is representative of the News Media in the comm from PG. Marty plays a Led Zeppelin number, “Over the Hills and Far Away” while talking about a Mexican Camping Trip. The truth about the place he dscribed, is that place is Ventura County Line Beach, which is Over the Hills and Far Away from Malibu. News Media is ready with a lot of Bullshit stories to draw attention away from Malibu, and the taking of the school students that is represented by all of this coded comm, and from the White House presentation yesterday. Profit, and human victims is the goal of the WH terror cell working with the SAG News and entertainment industry professionals.

Is that a “Bowler” Marty is wearing? Marty Schwartz represents the Bullshit story that will draw investigative people to some other place, Over the Hills and Far Away from where the Murders are happening.

Larkin Poe comes next in the line-up from PG. The two sisters may be a dual representation, portraying both Victim, and “Trusted Friend” of Victims, for the comm. Wear double vision glasses to see what is happening with those two.

“The Lark” is a popular song that almost everyone knows of. “Alouette” Alouette, gentille alouette Alouette, je te plumeraiJe te plumerai la tête Je te plumerai la tête Et la tête! Et la tête! Alouette, Alouette! Oh, oh, oh, oh Etcetera and so on... Larkin Poe, is French Speaking terrorists doing cover versions of Edgar Allen Poe. Use that to help understand what some of the symbolism is. Alouette means “The Lark” in English, and is more important to consider than just right here, it is a big deal in terror comm. Look at the young lady’s slide guitar. It’s all beat up, and that neck pick-up is weird, she covers it up, hides the sore, wounded parts. Georgia Peaches in an All-Man Brothers Riff. “Eat a Peach” while looking at the Twitter news from Reuters UK about restaurants reopening that are circulating today. There is a lot going on with the Larkin Poe show from PG. They represent the prizes, the “Spoils of War” that the terror leaders are looking for. Russian Circles on Panama is next. He “Butchers” the riff, he knows he Butchered it, he tells you that he Butchered it, and is not apologetic about Butchering the Panama Riff. There is some symbolism in the room there that leads back to Trump at the Lincoln Memorial. That record cabinet in the photo, is a Cabriolet Rag Top full of Records. You need to Quantum Leap from there, to the JFK Lincoln Continental, 1963 November, on Parade. Then, look at the top of the cabinet, see that the speakers are very small, and the record playing system is not consistent with the collection of records, is sub standard. That means: “The cabinet is not what is important here”. So, we keep looking for what we are supposed to find, and it’s that small door behind the cabinet on the wall that is barely visible. What we do, is go have a look at the photo from Trump meeting Obradoor today, for some reason, they chose to use a photo of the Lincoln Memorial.

This picture: https://twitter.com/IvankaTrump/status/1280867395691851776

There, we see a White House Retweet of an Ivanka Trump Opportunity, of a Mexican Tweet in Spanish, about Mexican President Obrador standing there at the Lincoln. Take that image, and hang it on the wall behind the Russian Circles doing Panama, and Butchering it, un-apologetically. Then, see that crack in the memorial on the base, and then see the way the door looks behind that record cabinet, it looks like a crack in the wall. The meeting is said to be about immigration, but there is a crack in the wall. Take all of that, put it into a Lincoln Continental Convertible, with Ghislaine Maxwell driving, and go to Disneyland. There, enjoy the Main Street USA attraction called Gettysburg Address. From there, you have to have some inside knowledge to know that there is a secret door on the revolving stage of the Gettysburg Address that leads to where the terror leadership at Disneyland Buena Park is at much of the time. There, you will find the evidence of “Partners”. Of kidnapped US Citizen park goers, who were surgically changed by force, to no longer appear as though they are human beings. From there, I leave the rest of the decode to more qualified people who actually have some authority to do some National Security work, and stop the madness. End terror report: 4:13 pm.

[imagining-supernatural]

The Backstory

Part 15 of Seventy Percent

Series Summary: When you left on your trip to Vegas, you’d planned on letting loose for one last weekend before heading back to reality and getting your affairs in order so your best friend wouldn’t be left cleaning up your mess when your cancer finally ended your life. What you hadn’t counted on was waking up married to a celebrity who has a knight-in-shining-armor complex, connections with an oncologist, and amazing insurance…

Chapter Summary: You and Sebastian sit down and you finally tell him about your past

Word Count: 1,757

HGTV was playing in the background, but neither you nor Seb were paying attention. You were curled together in the recliner with a heavy blanket over your legs. He still had a few hours before he had to head out to his interview with Jimmy Fallon, so this was the best time to tell him about your past. Enough time that he could process everything and not be too burdened during his interview, but not enough time that the two of you would drag out every damn detail. There were parts that you wouldn’t tell him, but most of it, you wanted him to know.

You just had to figure out how to start.

“You grew up in Wyoming, right?” He prompted, as if sensing that you were stuck before you had even begun.

“Yeah.” You sighed heavily, shoring up your courage. “It was just me, my sister, and my parents. If I have any cousins or aunts, I don’t know about them. My, uh, my dad was… you know what? I’m just gonna say everything really quick to get it all out there. I think that’ll be easier.”

He nodded, rubbing his hand along your spine. You tucked your head into his neck, hoping that the lack of eye contact would make it even easier.

“Alright. Ever since I can remember, my dad has been an alcoholic. Abusive too, but I didn’t realize until later. He took out most of it on my mom and sister, since she was older. But then, uh, my sister, Eliza, moved out when she turned sixteen and it was just me and my mom.”

“How old were you?” he asked in a pained whisper.

“Eight. She’s eight years older than me. He died when our house caught fire when I was sixteen. Cigarette left burning. His fault.” Your voice broke on the last two words, but you powered through. “Luckily mom was in lockup for the night for drunk and disorderly or something and I was staying with Jaz. That was… it’s fucked up to say, but that was the best day of my life.”

His hand moved up your back and settled on the back of your head, holding you closer. That simple action drew a wave of tears to your eyes that had you blinking quickly, trying to hold them back. God, you didn’t deserve him.

Remembering the truth of that day… you really didn’t deserve him.

“Um, so that left me and my mom. She… She was an alcoholic too, but more of a neglectful alcoholic. Thank god for Jasmin and her family. I don’t know what I would have done without them. They kept me alive and sane until I was old enough to get a job and basically support myself a few months after my dad died. I thought it was over, then. Up until then, my family was just that trash family that other people in town gossiped about to feel better about themselves. I got some pitying looks, and that was it.

“Then my sister went and got arrested. Everyone expected me to take in her two sons when she was convicted and sentenced to life in prison.”

“What did she do?”

A bitter laugh escaped your throat. “Fucking murdered her boyfriend. Abused her kids. Assaulted a police officer. She… she didn’t have a friend like Jaz. Or a support system like Jaz’s family. But that’s still no excuse. None at all. They’re her kids. She knew what it was like to grow up being a punching bag. She…” In an effort to control your budding anger, you took a deep breath and turned your face into Seb’s neck for a second, letting his familiar scent calm you.

“So when she was sentenced to twenty-five to life, the entire town assumed I would adopt the kids. I mean, they were my nephews and all, but everyone was acting like it was my responsibility to raise them. But… But I was barely eighteen. I couldn’t even take care of myself and I didn’t want to put them in a position where I—where I might snap like she did. It wasn’t fair to them. And they were young enough that they were adopted fairly quickly and now they’re with some family down in Georgia growing up with cute little Southern accents. Their parents send me letters sometimes. Pictures too. The boys are happy. And I know I made the right decision, but if you listen to what everyone else said, then you’d start thinking I was a selfish bitch who didn’t respect family values as if they’d all forgotten the kind of values my family taught me. I-I-I know I made the right choice. They’re happy. So fuck what everyone else thought.”

“People make far too many judgments based on far too few facts,” Sebastian whispered against your hair.

“And far too many assumptions,” you mumbled.

He held you in silence for a few minutes, just stroking your hair.

“You know what the worst thing someone said to me was?” You asked a bit later, after your heartbeat had calmed down from its angry beating. “When word got out that I had cancer, someone from my hometown told me that God gave me cancer as punishment for not adopting my nephews. For thinking someone else could raise them better than their own blood. Years later and they still couldn’t let it go.”

Not that they were entirely wrong. Your cancer might have been punishment from God, but not because you didn’t adopt your nephews. There were far worse things you’d done.

“That’s—” He couldn’t even find a word to describe how that made him felt. And you completely understood.

“Rude? Horribly offensive? Fucking ignorant? Welcome to small town Wyoming where the bible rules and if you say you’ve never shot a gun you’ll be shunned until you do.”

“Fuckin’ hell, sweetie, that’s… God that’s horrible.”

“People suck,” you said simply. “I just… I wanted you to know. You know, in case this shit hits the news or whatever. And also… Also, I just wanted you to know. I wanted to tell you. Regardless.”

He slid his hand to your chin and tilted your head up until you were falling into his blue eyes. “Thank you, Y/N. Thank for telling me; trusting me.”

“Thank you for being someone who doesn’t suck,” you responded in a weak effort to lighten the mood.

You only had a second to register his soft smile before he leaned forward and brushed his lips against your cheek. “I always knew you were strong. I mean, to go through cancer treatment like this… but now?” His thumb rubbed against your cheek, nearly touching your lips. Your eyes closed at his touch, face leaning into his palm. “Sweetheart, I think you’re the strongest person I think I’ve ever met.”

Just as you were about to argue his statement, he leaned forward again. This time his lips brushed just at the corner of your mouth and lingered, wiping away every single word you’d ever known. He finally pulled away a hairsbreadth and the air between you two was super-charged. All it would take was a tilt of your head and you’d be kissing him properly.

But you couldn’t do it. You just couldn’t.

After a moment more, he drew back, pausing only to press his lips to your forehead briefly. “So, your sister and mom are still alive?”

“No.” Your voice was surprisingly strong. Barely wavering. “My sister’s still in prison, but my mom died a few months after I turned sixteen. Another reason the town seems to hate me. They think if I’d stuck around more, she wouldn’t have killed herself but that wasn’t my job. I was a kid. It wasn’t my job to keep my parent alive.”

“Killed herself?”

“Drunk herself to death, I guess.” It was an explanation you’d said many times before. One that wasn’t entirely accurate, but the closest to the truth you could get. “Suicide wasn’t the official cause of death, but I knew. She drunk too much. I think she was shooting up with something, too. They called it an accidental overdose. Said if I’d been there, I might have been able to call 911 and save her. But they didn’t know us. They didn’t know what happened in that house. I… I don’t blame her. She didn’t want to be saved. She let him break her. My sister became him.”

“And you? What do you think you did?”

“I think… I think… I don’t know. I made a lot of bad decisions in college, but that’s just college. I think I would have turned out differently if I hadn’t spent so much time with Jaz’s family. But even then… I don’t know, Seb. I just know that I never wanted to make anyone feel like I did. It took me my entire college career with campus therapists to work through shit. And there’s some things I haven’t told anyone. And I’m going to be working through everything for the rest of my life. I know that. I think I just became more aware. Aware what kind of affect my words might have on someone else. I’m cautious about everything. Maybe that’s why I went into data security. I didn’t have anyone, really, to protect me.” By this point you’d practically forgotten you weren’t alone. You were just musing aloud. Putting together parts of your therapy sessions with your own emotions.

It was something you’d never done.

Even in therapy, you hadn’t opened up all the way.

But here? With someone you’d met a month ago?

Here, you felt safe. Loved, even.

“What about Jasmin?”

“She tried. But her family was amazing. She just couldn’t understand my family. She was always sympathetic, but never really knew how to help. And, honestly, I wouldn’t ever want her to know how to help. I never want her to be in the position to understand.”

“I guess I get that.”

“’Sides, this way I had her to pull me out. She pushed me to move on. Helped me figure out how to… not become them.”

Silence, once again, fell. Even telling the barest bones of your past had exhausted you and you couldn’t move from Seb’s lap even if you wanted to.

It was nearly a half hour later when he spoke in a soft voice, his words drawing a soft laugh from you. “At least I don’t have to go through the meet the parents shtick.”

Think that’s all of it? The worst of it? 

CHAPTER 16: THE FIRST PAPARAZZI AMBUSH

[gaiapaia]

Kermit and Friends: Roasted

Imagine you're watching a movie about a female talk show host. In the film, an ex co-worker from her past who fell madly in love with her started sending masturbation videos to her email address. The host would then play said videos on her show, with the approval of her former co-worker since he thinks it will bring them closer together.

Fast forward a month or so later, after realizing those masturbation videos didn't have the positive impact on the host as he hoped, the ex co-worker becomes enraged and threatens to chop the host's head off. And THEN, only days later, he calls her show to tell the host she's beautiful over and over again, and invites her out to lunch the next weekend. The host politely accepts.

Ladies and gentleman... this isn't a movie. This is Kermit and Friends.

Eric Riggs made his return to Kermit and Friends this week after we found out he threatened to slice poor Elisa’s head off. His main objective with joining the show was to invite Elisa and Andy Dick out to lunch. Andy was super excited about the invitation, completely forgetting just a month or so before Andy was the one Eric was threatening to kill. Will this lunch actually happen? I guess we’ll have to wait until next week to find out!

Thankfully Elisa had some protection on the show yesterday with her lawyer Dan. After having so many legal and harmful threats sent her way over the last few months, it only made sense for Elisa to lawyer up. However, I don’t think Elisa ever expected that everyone a part of the show would try to steal her lawyer away from Elisa!

It seems like everyone in the Kermit and Friends universe needs or wants a lawyer these days. T-Bob is still fighting his 911 abuse case. Dave Robinson wants to lock his noisy neighbors up. Andy needs a lawyer for all types of things he doesn’t think is appropriate to discuss on the show (God only knows how deep that goes). Barry Boss is looking for a lawyer to sue the Feds. And so on and so forth!

The best part of all this is that Dan isn’t actually a lawyer. No, Dan Jablons is a great actor who once played a lawyer on Curb Your Enthusiasm. Dan was so convincing that he had everyone begging him to represent them yesterday. What a talent! Hopefully we’ll get to see Dan again in the near future.

Elisa was joined by two other very special guests this week: Prodigy Coach Janel Jones and stand-up comedian roaster Alex Hooper.

Janel Jones is a 20 year Army veteran who’s made headlines by raising her son to dominate the stock market game. At the age of 13, her boy managed to hit 6 figures by investing in Tesla options. Pretty impressive!

Since Janel is in the Army and gets deployed in different countries often, she makes the most of her time with her kids when she’s home by developing their skills to be financially independent. Janel has done a heck of a job. If you would like to follow in her amazing footsteps, check out her Parenting a Prodigy course by clicking here.

Alex Hooper is most known for his appearances on America’s Got Talent where he roasted the hosts. If you watch Kermit and Friends regularly, you know how self-deprecating Elisa can be, so of course she loved having a big time roaster like this come on and poke fun at her. Elisa gleefully cracked up at every joke he made towards her. What a sport she is.

Alex was a blast though. His roasting isn’t mean-spirited at all, just lighthearted witty jokes and then he turns into a sweetheart if he senses you’re taking it a little too hard. That said, Alex is a roasting master so he’s not someone you want to trade jabs with. He even wrote a book on roasting called, Roast Yourself To Happiness: A Comedian’s Guide to Finding Joy by Embracing Your Flaws. Click here to order your copy today!

As mentioned, Andy Dick was back on the show this week. He’s still suffering from his broken ankle. If it’s really broken, he’s going to be suffering a long time since Andy just expects it to heal on its own rather than see a doctor.

We found out Andy had to cancel a trip to Las Vegas where he was due to have a meeting with the director of the upcoming film The Birthday Cake, Jimmy Giannopoulos. The thing is, Andy was planning on taking this vacation without his fiancé! You would think a fun trip to Vegas would be even more fun with a beautiful outgoing woman like Elisa by your side, and not to mention what it could do for Elisa’s career if she were a part of these big meetings Andy supposedly had. But alas, karma hit poor Andy with an ankle lock and kept him home, bedridden. What a shame.

While Andy was stuck in bed, he got one of his many roommates, Eric, to show off his paintings. Eric is actually a pleasant artist unlike the other artist Elisa is used to dealing with. If you would like to check out some of Eric’s artwork and possibly buy a piece from him, check out his Instagram by clicking here. 

Sigmond once again blessed KAF with his presence, bringing his partner Wappy onto the program. They were supposed to do a duet together but unfortunately Sigmond got cold feet and backed out. Instead, Wappy would do a solo piece that genuinely impressed myself and the entire audience watching. Very talented guy. Check out Wappy and Sigmond’s Soundcloud page by clicking here.

Another special musical guest this week was Rebekah, who was booked by none other than Tall, Dark, and A Handful. She did an absolutely beautiful performance of an original song she wrote called Bygones Be Bygones. You can watch her music video for it by clicking here.

However, not to sound like Gonzo, who is unbelievably infatuated with the person I’m about to mention, but I must say the best musical performance this week came from Mr. Karaoke King himself, Johnny B. He performed a karaoke version of Bobby Darin’s Mack the Knife that had Andy Dick in Heaven as he laid in bed singing along while all of Kermit’s beautiful friends danced to the music. It was a wonderful sight to behold.

You could tell Elisa had a blast during yesterday’s show. When she has fun, everyone has fun. That’s ultimately what the show is for me, so yesterday’s Kermit and Friends episode was perfect. Elisa’s pacing and timing with each guest was flawless, and the show flew by like it was only a half hour long. After Kermit and Friends yesterday, Elisa went on a karaoke bus ride throughout the city with her friends, which you could see on her Instagram stories. The joy on Elisa’s face during those stories, during Kermit and Friends yesterday... that is how I want Elisa’s life to always be. Here’s hoping. 🙏