#but in such a way that i was still chilling externally

[shadow-and-purgatory]

my day be so fine and then boom, nausea inducing levels of stress

[cant-get-no-worse]

Your writing is always great, I need you to write something to either making us optimistic about the future of the club or to make us realize how much in deep shit we actually are please 😭

Babe, just browse through my La Liga 2022/2023 tag and mourn with me. 💕

[yasashiiku]

thinking abt how shou spent his whole life seeing and acknowledging wrong deeds despite all the terrible influence, thinking abt how he understood the world better than so many delusional adults including his own father, thinking abt how he experienced hardships as much as said delusional adults claimed to have- yet remained undaunted and relentless about doing the right thing, thinking abt how terrified he was but he didn't want to be a coward like everyone around him so he ended up making the whole thing HIS responsibility, thinking abt how he wouldn't have moved an inch from that explosion had it not been for Kageyama brothers ( shige in manga, ritsu in anime ) because he was supposed to "save" his dad and he wouldn't favor the idea of a life as an orphan so why even brother

thinking abt how Shou is the closest a mp100 character got to experiencing loss & grief TWICE. and is still living with that horrible sense of anticipation that smthing might suddenly happen to his dad and he's being very brave about it ...

[asclexeposting]

sometimes i feel jealous of cisgender people but then. i dont it’s whatever man. no wait i am. i am very jealous of cisgender people in a fucked up way. what

[soulc-hilde]

Ignorant Grandmas

Pairing: Eminem x afab!reader

Synopsis: Based off of this request and inspired by mood yesterday in the grocery store.

Warning: Ignorant grandmothers, imaginative violence towards elders, cursing

You weren’t typically like this – agitated and just seconds from swinging on somebody. You were a bit more passive, on the contrary, more invested in smiling in the face of stupidity than allowing someone to snap you out of character all because they can’t act right. Now, it might just be the heat ‘cause Lord knows that there’s not a reason in the world for it to so damn hot or maybe, just maybe, you’re getting old. 

And you pray with Quran and the Holy Bible, that it’s the heat that’s got you ready to be locked up and going viral for stuffing someone into the asphalt. 

Now, outside of the external forces pushing your buttons, there’s a force much closer that just can’t back the fuck up with his loud ass laugh and even louder conversation on that overdue for an upgrade iPhone that he still don’t know how to use after the brand being out for damn near two decades. 

“Haha!” Marshall laughs into the phone, walking behind you as you push the buggy. “That’s what I was sayin’ man, shit’s crazy.” As you go to stop, picking up a box of penne, he smacks into your backside with a smack of the teeth. 

In front of you, an old white lady and her oxygen tank stand pointed your way. Her sad excuse for lips curl up in disgust, her body ordering for you to move out the way so she could look over the pasta. You know, in an aisle filled with several different brands and types of pasta, this dying bitch just must look at your box. Rather than back up off you, your husband wraps an arm around your waist as he continues chatting with Denaun. 

You set the penne down, going to look for some type of deal from another brand. Hey, you may be rich, but you’ll be damned if inflation’s gonna catch your ass paying damn near twelve dollars for a box of pasta. Nope, just the thought pisses you off even more. As you go to grab another box, a buggy taps against yours, causing your buggy to swerve and trap you between the shelves and the cart in a tight space. 

You look up to see that dead bitch going gone-ho over her pasta selections as if she ain’t just pop your privacy bubble. You freeze, gazing at her oxygen tank with a blank stare, barely blinking. 

“Bitch, fuck you!” You shout, pushing your buggy across the aisle. You kick her oxygen tank out of her hands and toss that bitch across the floor, making sure to donk Marshall in the head with it. 

“Baby?” A voice cuts in, “Baby, you good?” You snap out, looking up to Marshall’s scrunched eyebrows watching you with concern. “You good, mama?” You simply shake your head, standing up, “let’s just go. I ain’t in the mood to make pasta tonight.” 

Fast forward, y’all stand in line at one of the registers, waiting patiently. As you were raised, you made sure there was enough room for the person in front of you to back up and walk out of line. Unfortunately, other people weren’t raised the same way which must be the reason why homeboy damn near shoves his buggy your ass cheeks.

Your lip turns up, your skin turning hot as the bones under your skin feel as if they’re trembling. Well, damn, at this point just go on ahead and take me to dinner if you’re just gonna invade my anus. You side eye Marshall, in hopes he’d be actively scoping the scenery out to find an open register with a shorter line, but no. This old motherfucker is chilling on his phone, texting Hailie. 

So much for comradery, you scoff. 

Just as you decide to stay in the spot, you feel homie behind you breathing and huffing with impatience as the cashier then leaves their station mid-transaction only to return with another employee. Obviously, they were either new to the job or an incident out of their control took place, which is understandable.

What isn’t, however, is the smell of rotten catfish lingering around her neck because this Slim Jim with the jalapeno cheese wanna shove his way up people’s asses. You peep the newly deserted scenery of self-checkout and with a heavy sigh, you swerve out of line and make your way to the secluded section. Flabbergasted, Marshall nearly runs to keep up with you. 

As you reach the register, swiping and tossing the groceries into bags as if the world was about to end, he tries to help sort the bags for you. “Boo, you okay? Why didn’t you wanna stay in the lane, the kid was almost done with those other folks.”

You simply shake your head, “not now.” He raises an eyebrow, taken aback before nodding, helping you bag the items. 

As y’all walk out the store, searching for the car in the lot, fans and a few paps were recording and taking photos of you two. That was normal to y’all, but what was abnormal was your enraged expression. As they stuff the trunk of their SUV, she looks up just in time for a perfect picture of her scrunched face to be taken.

Has Slim Shady Upsetted the Ever-So Precious Y/N? What Could the Controversial Rapper Possibly Have Done?

Eminem and Wife, Y/N, Prepared for a Divorce? Click Here to Read More

The children send y’all one link after another to multiple articles speaking on the one day you stood outside, visibly ready to beat someone’s ass and now, in their minds, it was not only Marshall’s fault but it also must’ve meant a divorce was in the work. You shake your head, texting in the family groupchat. 

“Watch this.”

You open your camera roll, getting a perfect shot of Marshall sleeping in your lap and your wedding ring. You open Instagram, creating the post and writing a simple caption – “I’m nice and still happily married. However, I would advise y’all to keep your ignorant grandmothers the fuck inside if they can’t say a damn excuse me.” 

Tbh y'all, I'm not really motivated to write Eminem anymore. Like, without a doubt I'll still do him here and there, but like after a while, I get bored. So, I'ma focus a bit more on my series that I'm writing as well as promoting my works on both AO3 and Wattpad.

[gorgeouslypink]

Easy Method to Enter the Void (No Meditations, LOA, Subliminals, etc)

This post was supposed to be shared weeks ago but I totally forgot about it so please enjoy it now. I am on break still however.

link to original post: here

link to another bloggers explanation in more clearer terms: here

I consciously reached the void within 6 minutes of falling asleep (new record) easily via the Bob Monroe couch/recliner method I posted here before. I did it after no more than 3.5 hrs of WBTB. Unsurprisingly, this person also has the same experience of chilling in the void after WBTB and sleeping in a recliner. You can anywhere and do anything once you're in the void. I strongly recommend using this method.

A beanbag also seems to work as it molds itself to your position. If using a couch/recliner, it should ideally be at a 120-130 degree angle.

You need a pillow on your neck and back so your field of vision is forwards like waking life and not sideways or downwards like dream life. It's also worth noting Tibetan Buddhist monks (creators of dream yoga which is known as lucid dreaming in the mainstream) also slept sitting upright.

IME, I was snapped out of it because of external stimuli of which I suspect was cars I heard outside my usual reality. This is something I failed take into account because while sleeping while sitting upright with your eyes positioned forward does prevent key parts of the mind like the prefrontal complex from shutting down during physical sleep, you can get woken up by outside noise due to an awake conscious mind. This can be remedied easily with noise cancelling headphones or earplugs or maybe even sleeping pills. Haven't tried this with binaural beats and don't care enough to.

I also didn't experience sleep paralysis before reaching the void. Your experience may vary. Due to you basically forcing your body in a sort of in between, half awake, half sleep state, you may have an intense conscious sleep paralysis episode involving falling sensations, entity communication and etc. There's also a real chance of you falling asleep only to "wake up" by stepping out your recliner only to turn around and literally see your body sleeping. If you freak out, your astral body might get sucked back into your physical body and you'd be woken up.

This method is a free and easy way to induce an altered state of consciousness but by now you should really be aware of what can come with you hovering on the line between a waking state and a sleep state.

[simplyzeeka]

Episode.3 Season.1

Absolutely Astronomical

Trying to love

Wanna be free

So, God, tell me please

Is it in the stars

Warnings: MDNI!! Profanity, adult themes, themes of infidelity, grinding, mutual pining. Just... stars.

Summary: Some mistakes are unsolicited, but definitely preventable. But Syrae and Terry never really had the kind of control, have they?

A/N: Please excuse any errors. Not proofread. Enjoy!! Anything in italics is a flashback

Rainy weather was always Terry's favourite time to decompress. He would usually just whip up a hot meal and enjoy it in front of a good mystery movie, or just paint something abstract on a fresh canvas, a new interest of his.

But sometimes, especially since meeting Amber, his ways of decompressing have changed… drastically. If he wasn't balls deep inside of her, best believe he worshipped what lied between the thick of her thighs with his face. Or sometimes, quality time was more than enough, even with non-sexual affection.

That was his plan after a long, exhausting day at work. The sudden cold weather had his body chilled, he wanted nothing more than to warm up with his wife.

Amber, a woman of bewitching beauty. Deep brown skin that glistened especially in the sun, a body so alluring that curved and rolled in every way he liked. Terry always believed he was lucky, because as beautiful as she was on the inside, her morals and values reciprocated with her external beauty.

She laid in a bathtub filled with foam and smelt of lavender. Candles lit on the side with a glass of wine in her hand. Terry almost didn't want to interrupt, but it's been a while since they spent time together since their short honeymoon.

“Baby.” Terry called out to her, softly as he walked towards the bathtub. He crouched down, his face close to hers. The faint of jazz music could be heard along with the pattering of raindrops on the windows.

“Hey lovey, didn't hear you come in. You okay?” Amber frowned, her moist thumb rubbed against the middle of his forehead, where his eyebrows dipped in a frown. “Tough day?”

Terry hummed, “Hmm, nah not really.” A simple answer, short and curt but Amber knew there was more to his sour mood. “Is this about Mike's birthday?” She asked softly, not wanting to add tension.

Terry's late cousin, Mike's, birthday was coming soon. His death still cause tremor in Terry's heart, despite it being years ago. While he tried to forget of everything that came with Mike’s death and Shelby Springs, that year will forever live in him rent free.

Terry simply nodded his head, exhaling a loud breath while his fingers thread through her braids and graze across her scalp. “Yeah, I’ma be okay though. Don't worry ‘bout me baby. How was your day?”

Amber smiled somberly, he wasn't okay but she wouldn't push him to talk about it. Amber got out of the tub, dried her body, and wrapped her body up with a robe. “It was… something. I have to leave for Singapore in a few days.”

“You have to go alone? I can pack up and leave with y-” Terry began before Amber interrupted him with a laugh.

“No baby, that's okay. You need to stay here and work, business seem to be booming lately.” She suggested before standing on the tip of her toes, leaving a amorous kiss on his lips.

Terry exhaled in rejection, scratched the back of his neck before he followed her to their bedroom. “Guess I'll have to cancel game night with the guys.”

“Uh-Uh. There is no need to do that lovey. Just get someone else to go with you.”

Terry lost concentration for a bit, watching her as she smeared lotion on the smooth of her legs, the robe slipped off her shoulder revealing precise ink work across her collarbone.

“Yeah, but I wanted my woman to go with me. I missed you, baby. Shit, I still do.”

Amber rolled her eyes playfully with a knowing smile. Terry had always been an affectionate person, despite his broody demeanour and the way he always seemed to be mean-mugging people, he had not once hid his affections from Amber. It made her heart soar time and time again.

“I know, and I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you when I get back.” She whispered, taking slow and calculated steps towards him. “But right now… I kinda want you to put me to sleep.”

Terry bit his bottom lip at that, his eyes glistened with a shine that Amber always brought to him. “Shit, don't gotta tell me twice, girl. Come here.”

Terry ended up going to the game night alone, and unfortunately for him, he was stuck as a third wheel. Rome cancelled at the last minute, so it was just him, Yosohn and his girlfriend, Isla.

The three opted for something simple, and while Terry was bored out of his mind, bowling seemed to keep him from mugging Yosohn and his girl from their excessive PDA.

He missed Amber, it's been two days since she left for Singapore and he already felt screws loosening in his head. “We about to play or not?” He snapped at the couple, causing infectious giggles to spur from Isla's chest as she detached her lips from Yosohn's.

“Damn let's get started ‘fore this man throw a ball at us.” Yosohn joked, which only fueled the shorter woman's laughter. Terry smacked his lips as they all got started on the game.

The games were tense as Terry and Yosohn played against one another. The bowling rank was full now, almost every single alley was taken with players. Terry was beginning to get a little overstimulated by the few drinks, loud music, the flashing of bright neon led lights and the game.

In dire need of a break, Terry called recess and went to the bathroom to recharge. The bathroom was minimalistic, rather boring. But hey, it was just a bathroom and the bowling alley was quite an old establishment.

He appreciated the soft scent of bleach and soap, the mirrors were spotless and the floors squeaked with every step he took. Terry stood by the sinks, watching his reflection in the mirror before splashing cold water on his face to get him out of his funk. Usually by now, he would have told Amber that his social battery was running low and he just wanted to lay up under her for the rest of the night. But she wasn't here with him, and going home was not an option for Terry because she wasn't there either.

Reluctant to rejoin the couple, Terry slowly stepped out of the bathroom, eyes on the ground before a nostalgic fragrance of jasmine and honey, and maybe a small hint of… he couldn't really put his finger on the last scent, it didn't matter though, because what brought a smile to his face was an all too familiar person seemed to be in his presence, for the first time in weeks.

“Syrae?”

Terry did opt for finding out, would be hard not to when she enticed him in the way that she did. Must have been that stripper shit she learned at the club.

“I'm telling you, I would've made an amazing politician.” Terry laughs, staring at the dark-skinned beauty with a smile from across the table of a cheap, local diner.

Stark colours of red, yellow and orange painted the walls, tables and booths as Syrae sipped on her vanilla Milkshake. “I just don't see it. You look like you don't got the time for bullshit.” Syrae shrugged her shoulders.

“I don't, but I love being dependable and inventive. And politics seems to be the perfect place to do that. ‘Specially with how shit be going down here.”

He seemed ambitious, versatile too. Syrae loved that about anyone, but knowing that Terry was all this made it harder for her to keep her wandering thoughts at bay. “Hmm, somethin’ tell me owning a workshop wasn't in your books?”

A steady observation, Terry didn't talk about his shop like he spoke about his past ventures. The light in his eyes seemed to dim only slightly and Syrae was not sure if it was the journey to how he got here… or the destination that had him frustrated.

“That somethin’ might be right.”

Syrae hummed at his short response, she could read a room, but Terry did not seem to want to be read at the moment. Perhaps they could leave that for another time.

“Well I know how that feels.” Syrae sighed before she raised her half-empty glass. “What's life without a little fuck ups?”

Terry laughed at that, appreciating the deflection a little like she appreciated the sound of her melodic voice, or the sight of her smile. “Not a damn thing, Indigo.”

“Syrae.’ she interrupted with a small scrunch of her nose. “My real name’s Syrae.���

It suited her, much more than the name Indigo and it seemed to piece her together. “Hmm, nice to meet you. Syrae.”

“I'm sure it is.” and so the banter continues.

“Terry, I'm convinced you followin’ me now.” The shorter woman crossed her arms over her chest. She had jeans that fit just right, before flaring wide below her knees. A sage green dress, which stopped mid-thigh and was decorated with some glitter. There was a knot tied around her neck from the dress, covered by the jacket draped over her shoulder.

It was a simple outfit, so so simple. But Terry couldn't seem to understand why he felt butterflies breaking pit of their cacoons at the way she looked. Maybe it was the glasses on her face, he always had a thing for women in glasses. Or maybe the soft of her features, plush lips, thick brows. Fuck, it could've been the accent, one that did nothing to soothe the resolute thumping of his heart.

“Cockiness gets you nowhere Rae.” Syrae rolled her eyes at that, although her heart galloped at the nickname. Since finding out her real name, he has been calling her that freely and she would not be one to stop him, it sounded good coming from him.

“But nah, I'm kinda stuck third-wheeling my friends.”

Syrae winced, “Same here, actually.”

“But wait I got a reason to be alone, you don't. Where your lady at?” She asked curiously, although the mention of Terry's wife felt like a small slice to her gums, a feeling she quickly blinked away.

“Went away for work, Singapore.” Terry answered proudly. Amber was such a hard worker and she deserved every single petal on the flowers she received. “Who got you third-wheeling though?”

“My friend, Broisa and her… partner?” Syrae hesitated, not even sure if Gage was Broisa's boyfriend. Terry picked up the hesitation and laughed in understanding.

For a while he stood silent, eyes darting from her face to the floor then back to her face. Something about her features made it too hard for Terry to stare too long, yet it seemed like his brain pined for another look at her. Syrae had her natural hair out this time, perfectly coiled in a way that they bounced everytime she moved. Terry couldn't help but wonder just how long she spent on her hair every day. Was it hours and hours on end, or had she gotten so used to the routine it was sort of a habit to her? Did she need help? What products did she use?

“Well, you could join me… and my friends.” He began, pointing behind him, where Yosohn and Isla stood. “If you want.”

Syrae raised a brow, took a peak around Terry at his friends in question. “Hmm, if I want…” A mumbled retort. Syrae couldn't find a reason to decline, a reason she was so desperate to find because being near Terry just felt like torture at times. The man was naturally intense, and even without trying, everything he did was just inherently seductive, it made her want to lose all sense of her morale and give into whatever the stupid dragonflies in her stomach told her.

“That don't sound like too bad of an idea, I just gotta let me friend know though.” She explained, eyes trailing back to Terry's.

“You do what you gotta do, I'll be right over there.” Syrae nodded at his response, turned slowly and walked to where Broisa and Gage sat lip-locked, engaged deeply in each other than getting their money's worth.

Syrae walked meticulously to Terry's booth, an extra set of footsteps rushing behind her, wanting to so desperately know what the man who constantly occupied Syrae’s mind and conversation looked like.

So it happened that Broisa couldn't keep her mouth shut and yapped away Syrae's business to Gage. Now Gage was into Syrae’s tea and just as invested as the woman at his side. Syrae warned them both to not do anything that would compromise her's and Terry's friendship, or put them in an uncomfortable position.

“Hey, Terry. I'm back.” She announced. She noticed how the other two turned to her with brows raised and backs straightened. They were alert, something she couldn't necessarily fault as she was a random person to them, one who came with two more people towing behind her, and Broisa and Gage didn't look like the friendliest batch of people.

“My friends decided to come along, hope y'all don't mind an extra triplet.” She smiled nervously, watching as Gage protectively stared down the other three which were seated. “Yeah, hope y'all don't mind.” Gage couldn't stop himself from repeating, trying to seem intimidating.

Syrae couldn't help but to slightly roll her eyes, being used to Gage's antics by now, she knew it was only a matter of time until he started some shit like this, which she found hilarious because he was much smaller than the two.men he was trying to intimidate.

While Yosohn was a little lanky, he had Gage beat by height. Terry… well, Everything about Terry was big, surely a man that size should be able to knock some sense into people?

“Gage, hush.” Broisa reprimanded him, before smiling over at Terry, a little bunch of constellations in her eyes as she began to understand perfectly well why he insisted on his career at being an eight-track athlete in Syrae's head. “We hope we're not intrudin’?” Broisa continued, her smile getting a little too wide to keep at bay.

“Don't worry bout it. Isla, Sohn. This is Syrae, Broisa and… Gage?” Terry introduced before he turned to Syrae. “This Yosohn and his girlfriend, Isla.”

It was only then that Yosohn's eyes widen slightly in realisation. He connected Syrae to the club after a while. Yosohn has never seen Syrae up close, only ever seen her on stage, he hasn't really gotten the opportunity to see distinct features. Yet all this was masked by confusion, he didn't understand why Terry would invite Syrae here, a stripper who gave him a private dance. There couldn't be any good that came from this.

“Hey, nice to meet y'all.” Isla smiles, relaxing a bit at knowing that Terry knows them, well one-third at least. Syrae and Broisa return the sentiments, smiling awkwardly as Yosohn and Terry stare Gage down, the smaller man still not backing down.

Terry shook his head, then let out a small chuckle before directing the two women to take a seat in the booth.

After a few drinks, the tension was long forgotten and the group of six laughed at anything and everything. Yosohn had fallen a total of four times trying to throw a bowling ball, and that alone still had Syrae clutching her stomach.

Okay, so maybe they had more than a few drinks. And that meant that Terry and Syrae shared more than a few lingering stares, which luckily, nobody was sober enough to notice… at least they thought.

“I thought games weren't your thing.” Terry begins unsolicited conversation, focused intently on how Syrae swirled her straw in a tall glass of a purple glittery drink. A Nebula Blast she said it was. One fuckery of a drink because just like it's name, she began seeing galaxies in Terry’s eyes. A gazillion of shooting stars just waiting to make her dreams come true.

“They not.” She shrugs, a small smile on her lips before she wrapped her lips around her straw, Terry following the movement intently, inviting him to lick his own. “But free food and drinks are, and I needed this time out.”

“And why's that?.” His eyes didn't move from her mouth, especially not when her tongue peaked to catch the slight residue on her tinted lips. The muscle left a small trail of glitter and her full lips couldn't have looked any more enticing.

“I just wrote my last exam, and submitted my assignment. Kinda going through college burnout. Needed this real bad.” She lifted her half-full glass, the alcohol having already been too much for her that it forced her to sip much slower. How much Vodka did they put in this?

“Hmm, bet you did. You nervous ‘bout results?” Terry asked, taking a swing of his own rum and coke, a bad idea for someone as lightweight as Terry.

Syrae shook her head slowly, “Not really. I worked my ass off for these exams. But I'm still a little shaky… don't know ‘bout nervous though.”

Syrae yapped away about each exam she wrote, the difficulty of each and how she felt after writing. Terry listened, nodding along with a few interjections here and there.

It wasn't long until the other four felt a little bored at the bowling alley. Broisa wanted to go somewhere a little less… family friendly so she could get wasted and act accordingly with no children around.

Claiming that there was a nightclub not too far from the bowling alley, Broisa convinced everyone else to walk together instead of catching different rides to a place that's less than thirty minutes away.

Syrae was thankful of the recommendation, after downing the rest of the toxic drink, she had started feeling a little dizzy, and the cool night breezes did enough to calm her down and gather her breathing, temporarily ceasing the churning in her stomach.

But she was extra conscious of the fact that Terry was right next to her as they walked down the sidewalk, the other four goofing off further away in front of them. They managed to hold conversation, as always, a little sprinkle of banter did just the job in being confused as flirtation in Syrae's drunken state.

She kept up though, barely crossing another line. They were merely grazing it out of anticipation. By the time they made it to the club, Syrae had calmed down a tad bit. Terry, on the other hand, was still feeling the effects of the three glasses of rum, because now floating notes of music morphed into bright orange monarchs. They fluttered and diffused into his stomach, creating a surge of warmth when he felt the cool skin of her back as he led her through the entrance of the club.

It was loud, so loud that Terry and Syrae were beginning to question if they should have agreed on coming here. Broisa immediately enjoyed the vibe and hopped to the dance floor with Gage. Syrae and Terry followed Yosohn and Isla to the bar.

Syrae orders a water for Terry and herself, makes him drink as she remembered that he couldn't hold his liquor. Consciously, Syrae knew that a night out with Terry while being inebriated couldn't have been a good idea. Being out with Terry in such a casual setting, a comfortable one at that, was a bad idea in general.

It didn't take long for everything to catch up with Syrae, and then suddenly her need for fresh air was too palpable to be ignored. She excuses herself from the three friends, claiming she was just going outside for a while.

Now stood against a wall at the back of her nightclub. An unlit blunt in one hand and a hot pink lighter in the other. She stared at the ground mindlessly, periodically flicking her lighter. Maybe she should just cut off this budding friendship with Terry, there was no way he didn't feel how she did, which made it worse because…Terry was married. Fuck he was married and the thought along brought a pissing migraine to her head.

The music echoes perfectly from the club, only mere vibrations could be below her feet, which was long ridden of her heels. They sat comfortable on the floor next to her feet. Syrae exhaled loudly before placing the tip of her blunt in her lips before lifting her hands on the other end, flicking the spark wheel a number of times waiting for a flame.

Until the sudden sound of the back door opening suddenly, then out came a Terrence Richmond with his natural mean mug on his face. Syrae straightened off the wall abruptly, whipping the blunt off her lips. “Fuck, Terry. What the hell?” She muttered, exhaling a sigh of relief.

“You were out here for too long, thought somebody took you.” He explained, stepping a few steps to close, she could tell by how the hint of old wood and cocoa butter invaded her nose. “I'm good, Soldier.” She laughed softly, putting the blunt back in her bag.

Terry merely hummed. He got a few more drinks, in an attempt to wash away the thoughts of Syrae and all the feelings she brought. She weighed on his head heavily and intoxicatingly. Kind of like the alcohol did. “Wanted to see that for myself.”

Syrae hummed, looking up at his eyes. She shouldn't have, but she did, and now she couldn't look away. She couldn't help her wandering eyes. How they traced the intentional streaks of each contour on his face, the thickness of his neck, broad shoulders, one's she'd always thought would be a perfect place for her legs. Thighs or calves, it didn't matter.

He was wearing a black turtleneck, one that hugged his body in ways that had Syrae imagining raking her nails across his skin. His jeans were a bit loose, but when he sat or flexed just enough, the thickness of his thighs could not be hidden from the stretch.

“Why you got your shoes off? There's broken bottles down here, Rae.” Terry frowned at that realisation. Instinctively, he stepped even closer. Terry crouched on his feet and tapped three fingers on one of Syrae's ankles, coaxing her to lift her foot. “Terry, my feet fine. Ain't no need to do-” She was interrupted by a sigh.

Terry looked up from his crouched position, fingers just barely grazing the smooth skin above her ankle. His face remained neutral, as if he were telling her he wasn't taking no for an answer. Syrae let out a sigh of her own, her shoulders sagged and she lulled her head to the side before raising her foot.

Terry lifted it slightly higher, causing her to push the middle of her dress downward, as to not expose herself. He gently inspected the underside of her foot, swiping away the small rocks and pebbles indented in her heels.

He does the same for the other foot, however this time, it was much slower, much more intentional. That much was obvious by how Terry kept his slightly hooded eyes on her eyes, while massaging away at her heels. “Terry.” Syrae warned softly, her lips feeling a bit more dry than earlier and suddenly, she saw small dots of sparkly gas floating around her.

“Hmm?” He wasn't listening. His hand travelled lightly up her legs as did his gaze. He slowly raised from his crouched position the moment. Syrae's leg rested on his hip as his large hand held her leg up. “Terry.”

Syrae attempted at warning again, this time a little louder. Her hand reached for his, attempting to push it away from her burning skin, yet her fingers worked their way underneath the hem of his sleeves. Stiletto nails grazing his skin when Terry stepped further between her legs. “Syrae.”

She held in a whimper, the other hand that rested on his shoulder was supposed to push his body away, instead, it gripped at the defined muscle and slowly travelled to the curve of his neck. “Terrence Richmond.” Syrae moaned, in sheer desperation, because at least one of them had to have control, and surely wouldn't be Syrae. “I'm here.” He retorted, their faces so close he can taste the glitter and stars from the Nebula Blast on her breath. He just needed to kiss her, one kiss. Then he would see a supernova.

She shook her head, their noses budging at the movement. “Uh uh. We not ‘sposed to be doin’ this, Terry.” She whispered against his lips. Terry only nodded his head, managed to hold off from swallowing her gasp when she felt his obvious excitement against her ruined panties.

“You stoppin’ me?” A question that held so much power, because was she stopping him? Did she have the willpower to stop any of this? Syrae began questioning herself, trying to find resolute… until Terry angled his hips so perfectly, then ground them right against Syrae's pooling heat. Her mouth fell open and her eyebrows pinched between her forehead. “Hmm, baby? You gonna stop this?”

She should, she really really should. Because Terry could fuck her life all the way up, he already was and he's barely done anything. “Fuhh.” Her words fell short when she felt his pulsating bulge grind mind-numbing flutters to her swelling bud. “Hmm, look at m- Syrae. Look at me. You gon’ st-”

He was talking too much. Syrae held the back of his neck and pulled his lips onto his. And fuck if her heartbeat didn't go calm. She felt herself sag against him.

It took a while for them to register their affection. But when Terry reeled in, he kissed back, their heads moving leisurely in opposite directions as their minds took the lead. Syrae heard pops in her ears, mostly from the abuse of pressure Terry offered between her legs.

His hips moved so slowly, it's as if he was trying to serenade a confession of love from her heart straight through her body and out her pussy with her drowning essence. And she would tell him a million times, how it was his.

Terry moans against the kiss, the monarchs in his stomach cease the fluttering, as did the dragonflies in Syrae's. As if they've kissed noses, called a truce. Everything felt like an end of soul searching, like the two haven't reached true content in life until that very moment.

Syrae felt familiar and foreign all at once. But above all else, she felt like serenity. The kiss brought nothing but tranquillity and a surge of need. Terry wasn't sure if he particularly enjoyed the taste of Nebula Blast and glitter on her lips or the small hint of the cherry candy that Syrae always said she loved. It didn't matter because it was Syrae.

But Terry was wrong about one thing. Syrae's kisses didn't make him see a supernova. They made him see fucking galaxies.

A/N: I did that??? I did that for real? I'm so proud of this part, although it seemed like there's a lot going on, it's my favourite because it highlights a theme I've been wanting to include. If you haven't noticed, it's astronomy! Not the entire concept perse, but it's a lot of stars going on.

There's was a very, very subtle hint at how the story's gonna end in the chapter. It's so miniscule I doubt anyone will notice it lol. This song is what inspired me to write, because I was a little blocked chilee

Taglist:

@blyffe @peachbutterfly-blog @browngirldominion @blackmoonchilee

Comment if you'd like to be tagged. Please like it if you love it, lol. Comments and reblogs are deeply encouraged and appreciated. It's what motivates me to write more.

[girlboypersonthingy]

FIRST SALLY FACE POST!!! I know, I’m late to the fandom. But 🤷🏻 ya know…just some cute fluffy Sally Face headcanons about reader’s first kiss with Sal, Larry and Ash. Just can’t stop thinking about kissing them…🫠 ENJOY!

First Kiss 💋

SAL FISHER 🎸

Honestly, I think he would have wanted to kiss you the day y’all met but…his face :( he’s too worried about his face

Whether yall are dating, just friends, pining hard asf for each other…you will have to initiate the kiss.

You’ll def have to have a conversation about it first, ask his permission and prepare him for it. He’d prefer you ask him/tell him before just pouncing on him.

If you decide you want to kiss him on his prosthetic tho, LITERALLY NO NEED TO ASK, JUST. DO. IT. BABY. He’s been dyingggg to have you kiss his face, even if it’s not his skin, he still feels the kiss, feels his gut drop…feels his hands and feet become hot and tingly with excitement. Kisses over his prosthetic make him smile so hard.

When you finally do get to your first lip-to-lip, no prosthetic kiss, SALLY IS SHAKING IN HIS BOOTS. Maybe you’ve already seen his face, maybe even traced a finger along his scars before…but KISSING?!?? He’s so fucking nervous. And you are, too.

You really had to work up the courage to ask him but you finally do. It goes something like…

“Hey, uh, Sal? Can I kiss you?”

“Sure.”

“On…the lips?”

“Oh, heh. Sure.”

“……like…without your prosthetic?”

and he starts SWEATING under his prosthetic as he mumbles a shy “o-oh, okay. C-cool. I’m down.” Internally, he’s excitedly punching the air rn. Externally, he’s shaking like a leaf.

He’s honestly so worried you’ll be scared and/or grossed out by the parts of his lips and cheek that are missing and revealing his teeth. He worries he might drool on you a bit too…just praise this sweet boy after the fact, okay?

~

“Hey, uh, Sal?”

“Hm?” He responded as he fiddled with the knobs at the top of his guitar, gently plucking the strings and then twisting the knobs accordingly. It took you literally like 5 minutes of staring at him and hyping yourself up in your mind to even open your mouth and say his name. After his short response, you felt you needed another internal pep talk before you said anymore. This strange pause made Sal look over at you. He looked back to his guitar and then did a double take at you, just to make sure he actually saw you staring at him. His room became suddenly silent.

“Can I kiss you?” You finally spit it out, looking him dead in the eye as the words leave your mouth. He seems chill about it, his eyes relaxed, his shoulders slowly shrugging as he leaned back on his bed more. “Sure.”

You take a quick but deep breath, your cheeks beginning to feel hot. You could feel your blush slowly spreading. “On the lips, I mean…” He’s still keeping his eyes on you and you can tell he’s smiling a bit from the way his eyes squint and slightly wrinkle at the corners, his prosthetic covering his actual smile. “Heh, yeah. Sure, (Y/N).”

At this point, it’s almost painful how embarrassed you are and you’re sure you probably have a really stupid look on your face. Shit…this is not going as smooth as you’d like it to.

“Like……with the prosthetic off.” You say bluntly, watching for any sign of a reaction from him. His eyes fell open wider, leading you to believe he was no longer smiling, but maybe had his mouth hanging open in shock? It takes him a moment to process it and respond.

“O-oh! Right uh…c-cool. Yeah, sure.” He lets out a shaky sigh before pushing his guitar off his lap and to the side of his bed. As he reaches behind his head to unclip his prosthetic, you just watch and feel yourself becoming increasingly warm and tingly, your nerves really getting the best of you right now.

His prosthetic falls gently from his face onto his bed. He closes his eyes immediately and leans in quick, hoping you won’t look at his face too hard and change your mind. You can’t help but smile as you watch him for a second before your eyes close and you lean towards him. Your lips meet his and it’s…not what you expected at all. But in a good way! His scarred lips are actually really soft, he must put chapstick on often. And he’s so gentle. It’s just really warm and soft and sweet and the kiss is lingering but very still.

You pull back to see him smiling ever so slightly, his eyes still closed. The smile slowly becomes a frown which becomes a quivering bottom lip. Sal still has his eyes closed as he silently cries. He then spends the next few minutes very quietly telling you about the time he watched some lame romance movie with Larry and asked him if he thought someone would ever love him like that and Larry told him he totally would.

Larry was totally right.

LARRY JOHNSON 🤘🏽

Larry most definitely asked you if he could kiss you. He’s like really fucking into you but also he’s such a gentleman. He’s very considerate and would for sure ask for your consent first.

He’s probably tried to ask you at several different times but he always chickens out. He’d always start by saying your name to get your attention. Then you look at him, your expression is always one of expectation and wonder. He can’t bring himself to say what he really wants to, so it’s always like…

“Oh uh, sorry. Lost my train of thought.”

“Does it smell weird in here to you?”

*insert shitty pun here* (always makes you laugh and makes Sal groan)

You find it very cute that he says your name so often. It sounds nice paired with his small lisp.

I JUST KNOW that this boy practices what he’s gonna say to you in the mirror like literally every morning. He’ll stand at the bathroom sink, talking to himself. Most the time, he thinks he’s doing good until it dawns on him that he’s talking to himself in a mirror. Then he’ll just facepalm, sigh and continue on with his day, knowing he’s such a chicken shit.

One time, Sal was going to the basement to show Larry some cool shit he’d found on the fifth floor of the apartments and he froze just before he knocked on the bathroom door. He heard Larry, repeating the same thing over and over.

“(Y/N), can I please kiss you?”

“Please let me kiss you…”

“Would it be okay if I-“ *frustrated sigh*

Sal finds it equally hilarious and endearing to witness. He definitely didn’t tell Larry that he heard all of that tho.

Finally, one day, Larry found himself in the perfect position to finally say what he wanted. He called up the whole group and invited everyone to his place to chill. Everyone was on board…until Ash canceled to finish up some homework and Sal canceled bc he forgot he told his dad he’d be home for dinner.

A group hang out turned into a sort of date for you and Lar Bear.

~

“Damn, what a bunch of losers! How dare they blow us off for homework and family!” You jokingly declare, making Larry look over at you with a toothy grin. “No, really!” He agrees, trying to offer you a genuine smile but he…sort of feels like he has to puke right now. He’s always had a weak stomach. And you make him extra nervous.

The two of you sat in the treehouse, both sitting on the floor across from each other. The room would be silent now were it not for the heavy metal music playing lowly in the background. You didn’t feel awkward though, not at all. It was actually nice to enjoy some peace and some music with your crush friend. Larry kept looking frantically between you and his feet, his breathing speeding up as he readied himself. Right as he opened his mouth-

“Hey, I forgot I-“

“(Y/N), I wanted to-“

You both stop simultaneously and then you both start laughing. “You first.” You say in unison, making you both laugh even harder. “No no, you first, (Y/N).” He insists, holding his stomach from laughing so hard.

So you start, “I forgoootttt I got you something.” You turn and reach into the bag you brought along with you and pulled out a plastic package with a set of paint brushes inside, sliding them across the wood floor to him. “Saw these at the dollar store and thought maybe you could use some more. They’re…well, from the dollar store so they probably suck but…” You shrug and watch as he picks them up. It’s such a small simple thing but…he’s so flattered. Youre so nice. Instead of thanking you or showing any gratitude, he just…

“Can I kiss you?” And you don’t even give him an answer. You just crawl over to him and smush your lips into his. You’re smiling into the kiss, leaning forward on your hands as one of his big hands reaches up and rests on your cheek.

He brings you a painting of a pretty landscape on regular white paper the next day. He’s sure to tell you that he used the brushes you got him and that they are actually pretty good for dollar store brushes.

ASHELY CAMPBELL 💜

BITCH

This bitch

This cute, sweet, amazing little-

I’m gonna try to make hers as long as the boys but

YOU CANNOT CONVINCE ME THAT THIS BABE WOULD NOT JUST SMOOCH YOU SUDDENLY IF YALL WERE ALONE AND THE VIBE WAS RIGHT

Like what am I supposed to write for her?

She would for sure just press a fat kiss to your lips if yall were alone together one day, chilling in her room while watching a movie.

I’m sorry, she’s all for consent ofc. But…she’s pretty spontaneous and bold asf.

“It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.” That’s her! She’ll just go for it.

Kiss now, ask questions later.

If you’re chill with it, cool. Let’s…do it again maybe?

If you’re not chill with it, she’ll very sincerely apologize and ask you to totally forget about it (and pray you’ll still wanna be friends with her)

She’s also very obviously smart. She wouldn’t just kiss you if she thought you weren’t into her that way. She picks up on your hints and the way you blush and smile at things she says.

She knows you like her. She wants you to know that the feeling is mutual. 😘

So she invites you over for a movie night, tells you to bring pajamas and snacks if you want!

And then she waits until the best part of the movie, when you’re really invested in the plot and not expecting it-

She says your name in a breathy voice and as you turn your head to face her… 💋💋💋

Also doesn’t even bring it up to the boys until a couple days later. Says it very lowkey but she’s totally bragging.

~

“Oh my god. This movie is actually so sad.” You sniffled a bit as you watched the flashing colors on Ash’s TV in front of you. She laughed softly into her hand, watching you get teary eyed. “Aww, you’re such a softy, (Y/N)!” Ash nudged you playfully, making you laugh along with her.

Ash’s parents had gone to bed already and just you two were awake in her home, both curled up on the couch under the same blanket. Just being under the same blanket made you both so nervous. She kept stealing glances over at you, her smile never leaving her face. You were too into the movie to notice.

Ash pulled the blanket up on herself a bit more, the edge of it now sitting right under her chin. Her hand very slowly crept closer to yours, the whole time she was holding her breath. As soon as her pinky touched yours, you stiffened and she finally exhaled. You tried to keep your eyes on the TV and not look over at her with red cheeks, all embarrassed with heart eyes for her. But that’s exactly what she wanted.

She wrapped her pinky around yours, gently tightening the grip she had on you. Then very quickly, almost too quickly, she pulled away. You wondered what that was supposed to mean. Was that like…a flirty thing? Or a “you’re my bestie” type thing? Or a romantic thing? Or just nothing at all?

Before you could get too deep into your thoughts, she softly cleared her throat before saying your name. It wasn’t a whisper, you could clearly hear her over the TV, but her voice was so low and whispy and her breath smelled sort of minty (as if she was fully prepared for this moment).

As you turned your head, your lips brushed against hers, your noses slight bumping together. She was so still, so calm and relaxed, like she’d rehearsed this moment over and over again. You on the other hand…are taking a moment to grasp the situation here. You sort of just kissed, not fully but kind of by accident. Was that an accident or…? No, why would she be this close to you if it was an accident-

Ash is about to laugh at you and your expression but stops herself. She can tell you’re flustered and confused but also very into this. She smiles with adoration for you, her eyes nearly shut as she leans in. Okay, now you’re sure that was definitely not an accident. You suck in a breath and let your eyes fall shut just as her lips finally rest onto yours. A soft hum vibrates through her as she pushes into the kiss just a tiny bit more.

As you part, the soft kiss noise the two of you make is enough to make you both lose it. Ash is now completely hidden under the blanket, her stomach doing flips as her face continues to burn bright red. She’s laughing, you’re laughing. Finally, she speaks up from her hiding place under the covers.

“Was…that okay?” She asks, seemingly much more shy now. This makes you smile even bigger as you pull the blanket up to join her under it. “Oh yeah! Totally. I…I liked that.” She seems to perk up a bit at your reply, now looking over at you in the shadow of your blanket fort.

“We can do it again. If you want…”

[youremyheaven]

The Dark Side of Jupiter💀🚬🍾🎊

There is a lot of discussion around Jupiter's abundance, its boundless energy, its expansiveness. But what about the dark side of Jupiter?

Being so giving can be so tiring. To simply never run out of fuel or feel depleted can mean that you have no sense of boundaries. You simply don't know whether you've pushed yourself too hard. Being burnt out for a Jupiter native just means that the endless energy they give to others/everything in their life is not reciprocated in the same way because very few people can return the same energy. This results in a kind of emptiness that cannot be appropriately described.

It's part of their nature to give but to always be pouring to others and to soak everything up means there is very little exchange of energies. You always feel like you're "too much for others"; you have too much energy or you don't have the appropriate channels for it.

The Jupiter need for constant stimulation is seldom addressed, without it, a native feels spaced out and "dry on the inside". Jupiter natives when they're out of balance can be prone to substance abuse, hypersexual behaviour and everything else. Virtue is an innate part of a Jupiter native, so they naturally do not possess a taste or preference for these things but that is not to say they are incapable of it. But they still possess the ability to quit things cold turkey unlike say Ketu or Rahu (Nodal people and their tendency to be prone to addictions is a topic for discussion for another day) because they don't inherently have a shadow-y nature that makes them dependant. They just need a direction to channel their energies and they will tire of it/grow bored of it pretty quickly.

Boredom is the most dangerous feeling. It can make people do things that love, hatred and anger can't. Imagine what this is like for Jupiter natives who are already too intense and too prone to feeling the depths of every emotion.

Jupiter natives are often described as "too much to handle" for many people. Especially for certain Mercurial natives, typically Ashlesha since Revati's boundless in its own way and Jyeshta natives come from a place of lack so they're endlessly projecting outwards. Ashlesha natives are the most energetically conservative of all Mercury naks and is in general, one of the most inwardly drawn naks and they feel easily drained by Jupiter natives, especially Jupiter women.

Idk if its ever been described this way but this is how I see it. Jupiter is a masculine planet but its ever expansive nature is supremely Yin. Therefore it manifests differently for men and women. Obviously there is a tendency to be people pleasers but it does not come from a place of negativity or desire to suck up to people, others just can't fathom what its like to process and contain information the way Jupiter natives do, they just naturally absorb the energies of others and project it back on to them. This is also another reason why they are so polarising. They're easy targets because if someone reflected back everything you hated about yourself, you'd be bound to hate them. They're mirrors.

The Pisces urge to dissociate has been covered extensively but no one ever talks about the exhilarating highs and crushing lows of being a Jupiter native. They feel so consumed by stimulation. They're the type of people who after spending time with others or partying or whatever, they come back home and they simply can't chill, they're so restless and manic and hyped up, they can't sit still; they don't feel drained by all that social interaction, they get high off of it, its hard to describe what that's like to someone who feels easily drained by others and needs to remain self contained to avoid feeling burnt out.

Punarvasu & Ashlesha both have Cat yoni which is a very restrictive yoni but since Punarvasu is Jupiter ruled, they have this capacity to be very expansive even if there are external limits placed on them. Ashlesha in addition to having a cat yoni is also Mercury ruled; mercury is the smallest planet, this adds to the restriction and limitations and makes them inwardly drawn and unable to give at all.

Punarvasu is the most grounded of Jupiter naks for this reason; there is a limit or some kind of grounding to their energies meanwhile with Vishaka and Purvabhadrapada, they fully embrace the darkness and intensity of Jupiter. Its interesting how Punarvasu is the only deva gana nakshatra among Jupiter naks. Vishaka is the height of Jupiter and is a rakshasa gana nak which represents how the extremes of anything, even a so-called abundant planet can manifest as villainy. All power corrupts but absolute power corrupts absolutely. Purvabhadrapada is the final Jupiter nak and a manushya gana nak because the culmination of Jupiter's energies is to integrate the evil with the divine and thats what makes us fully human.

Jupiter natives are prone to manic behaviour but when it comes crashing down, simply because others around them probably don't have a good threshold for this sort of hyperactivity, they feel "too out of control" but also "too out of touch" since they truly are in a different sort of reality; Punarvasu delulu behaviour require its own post; its wild that a lot of people interpret that as "innocence" when what it really is this is urge to expand endlessly and consume everything within reach- it may seem like a childlike curiosity to explore and try things but there is a scary and dark side to it.

I've noticed how many Jupiter natives exhibit bipolar- adjacent behaviour (TW!!!!) they are most prone to the manic highs and crushing lows and swinging back and forth between it from day to day.

Obviously I'm not saying all Jupiter natives are like this but I'm talking about ways in which the dark side of Jupiter manifests. Its almost similar to that of Rahuvian people.

If you look at the charts of famous people who've struggled with addiction and/or bipolar disorder, majority of them have Ketu influence but there are numerous examples of Jupiter natives as well since Jupiter natives are not dependent on it in the same way (remember they're not bound to anything, they can quit things cold turkey if they choose to, they just like the mania and the high and only boredom will make them stop).

Here's a small list of celebs who've struggled with bipolar disorder:

Vivien Leigh- Swati Sun, Mars in Punarvasu atmakaraka

Mariah Carey- Punarvasu Moon

Sinead O'Connor- Jyeshta Sun & Venus along with a Vishaka stellium (rising, mercury and ketu)

Mel Gibson- Punarvasu Rising, Mars in Vishaka atmakaraka, Rahu in Jyeshta

Chyler Leigh- Vishaka Moon

She interestingly played a drug addict in the alternate reality episode of Grey's Anatomy and suffered from addiction as a teenager.

Regarding her bipolar disorder she has said, “I was experiencing such a high version of mania and irritability that I couldn’t sleep or eat, and I was angry and reckless,” Leigh says. “I would go to work and use that adrenaline and expend my energy and feelings there, and then I would come home exhausted.”

Halsey, who is Punarvasu Moon (Swati stellium) has been open about her struggles with bipolar disorder and here are some quotes from some of her interviews that I feel like explain Jupiter nature quite well;

“That’s why I tour so much. I release endorphins, serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine. Like, it’s literally a drug response,” said Halsey

Part of the reason why some Jupiter natives who are more balanced, tend to stay off of drugs or partying or other indulgences entirely is because they don't really need substances to feel high, they experience the highs, lows, relapses, resistance, withdrawal symptoms of drugs just by feeling emotions in the massive, expansive Jupiterean way that they do. I really don't know if I'm driving home this point enough, but really, this biggest goddamn planet, imagine containing that much space and energy within yourself, you're like a defenceless sponge, you pick up on everything whether you want to or not. There's a reason why some of the biggest pop stars, celebrities and people of all time have been Jupiter natives; some people can be in the public eye, facing the projections of millions of people and only go slightly insane and those are Jupiter natives; in fact they need an outlet of that capacity; something that's large enough to contain them.

Here's some more quotes:

 “Nobody wants to be my friend. They’re scared I’m gonna pop off about something. I’m drama by association. I put myself out there with my peers; I don’t know if people really ever wanted to do the same with me. So I stopped wasting my energy.”

Other people not meeting you on your level is a big issue with Jupiter natives; few people can match their pace and its vvv easy for them to feel "too much" for others.

“I spent a lot of time being the most exciting thing in everybody else’s life. When they didn’t need me any more, they would thank me then leave. That is the trope of the manic pixie dream girl. This album is about her. Her traumas don’t exist to benefit some other person.”

People are initially excited and intrigued by the explosive energy and enthusiasm of Jupiter natives but they will tire of it quickly if they don't have the same internal space to hold it. This can be very crushing for the Jupiter natives who feel used. Everybody loves a one week vacation in Hawaii but nobody wants to stay in Hawaii forever, they really want to get back to their boring desk job because that gives them a sense of stability and normalcy.

As for being a “bitch,” Halsey doesn’t actually think she is one, although she knows that it can seem that way when she’s been on a manic spree for a week, made everyone around fall in love with her, and then shut them out with little more than a check-you-later as soon as she came crashing down. She can be demanding. She writes her own music. She does her own makeup. She helps design her own costumes, merchandise and album covers. She micromanages. No one can book a flight until she approves it. She will not be “handled."

The hot & cold nature of Jupiter aka "their duality" is what makes them so interesting to others, to the public etc but its also what makes them so polarising because we're all trained to think of things as this or that, therefore their kind of contradictory nature is confusing, alluring and yes, maddening.

Many famous party animals have prominent Jupiter placements but they usually clean up at some point.

Prince William has Rahu in Punarvasu and Kate is Punarvasu Moon; the Moon conjunct Rahu synastry in PUNARVASU makes their relationship a very "theyre doing things you havent even heard of" type one. Kate's party girl era is very well documented.

Ranveer Singh- Punarvasu Sun

In Indian media, Ranveer is quite a character, the man is always acting like he's on a cocktail of several substances and is known for her hyper manic media persona. He's known for being a party animal.

Drew Barrymore is a Punarvasu Moon

She was known for being a wild child in the 90s.

Cameron Diaz is Punarvasu Rising & Drew is Punarvasu Moon

The Weeknd- Vishaka Moon, Punarvasu Rising

Literally all he does is sing about the crushing highs and lows of the party, sex and drugs lifestyle he lives. Take any of his songs, he describes the emptiness of Jupiter better than anybody else.

These are lyrics from his song Gasoline:

"It's five AM, my time again

I've soakin' up the moon, can't sleep

It's five AM, my time again

I'm calling and you know it's me

I'm pushing myself further

I'm just tryna feel my heartbeat beat (beat)

I wrap my hands around your neck

You love it when I always squeeze

It's five AM, I'm high again

And you can see that I'm in pain

I've fallen into emptiness

I want you 'cause we're both insane

I'm staring into the abyss

I'm looking at myself again

I'm dozing off to R.E.M.

I'm trying not to lose my faith

And I love it when you watch me sleep

You spin me 'round so I can breathe

It's only safe for you and me

I know you won't let me OD

And if I finally die in peace

Just wrap my body in these sheets

And pour out the gasoline

It don't mean much to me

It's five AM, I'm nihilist

I know there's nothing after this (after this)

Obsessing over aftermaths

Apocalypse and hopelessness (hopelessness)

The only thing I understand

Is zero sum of tenderness (tenderness)

Oh, baby, please just hold me close

Make me believe there's more to live

Around, around, around, around we go

In this game called life, we are not free"

Scarlett Johansson- Vishaka stellium

She's talked about being a party girl and how much she enjoys clubbing.

Miley Cyrus- Vishaka Moon & Mercury, Mars in Punarvasu

Miley's wild stoner years are well documented and I think her mania during those years post-Liam are reflective of how devastating it is for Jupiter natives to feel abandoned by someone because they can't "handle" you anymore. There's a reason why she was so out of control in that era.

Lana Del Rey- Vishaka Stellium (inc her Rising)

she may be a Cancer Sun who makes melancholy music but the devastation and emptiness and trippiness comes from that Vishaka energy

choice lyrics include:

“And you try to see the bright side when each new day begins But you're not satisfied at the rainbows end”

“You're scared to win, scared to lose I've heard the war was over if you really choose; The one in and around you”

“it’s nice to love and be loved but id rather know what god knows”

“Happiness is a butterfly. Try to catch it like every night. It escapes from my hands into moonlight”.

Leonardo Dicaprio- Vishaka Sun & Venus

this man has been yachting for decades now, i have nothing to add, he's typical of Jupiter's boundless energy gone wrong.

Jennie, Vishaka Moon

in recent years, Jennie's party habits have become mainstay media news.

Katy Perry- Vishaka Moon, Rising and Saturn

Lets just say she knows a thing or two about partying

Asap Rocky- Punarvasu Moon

my king who sings/raps of being faded in every song<3 the loneliness/emptiness of the high life is Jupiter culture af

I will update this post and add more to it but I wanted to publish it rn as it is. Here's some of my thoughts on Jupiter's nature and I hope you find it interesting

xoxo

[flyingwargle]

miya twins week day 2: "why does it feel like we’re drifting apart?”

granny used to say that twin telepathy was a gift from the gods as a way to reaffirm their bond. it can be used for anything between the mundane to the serious, from asking each other answers on their tests, soothing nightmares, echoing sentiments. it can work across long distances, although they never tried it, or close proximities. the only time it fails is when the bond starts to weaken.

or so osamu thinks.

it starts in their second year of high school, from their argument about their diverging paths. “if yer so damn sure that ya’ll be the happier one,” he snarls, gripping his brother’s collar, “come back when we’re geezers! wait ‘till then ta laugh in my face an’ say ya were happier!”

atsumu stares at him, anger in his eyes. “if that’s what ya wanna do, yer on.” he shoots to his feet, gripping his shoulders tight. “i’m gonna turn an’ look right in yer face, an’ say i had the happier life!”

they never recovered after that. after graduation, osamu went to university in tokyo; atsumu was scouted by the jackals in osaka. he sent a ticket to his debut match, but osamu had an exam and couldn’t attend. osamu sent an invite to his graduation, but atsumu was overseas. atsumu sent a ticket to a game between the jackals and ejp, but osamu was busy preparing for his restaurant’s grand opening. when the doors opened for the first time, he saved a spot for atsumu, but he never made it.

he doesn’t notice when the telepathy stopped. he doesn’t notice when the messages between him and his brother gradually stop. so, when he hears his name echo in the back of his mind during the busiest hour of the day, he doesn’t question it and simply responds back.

‘samu.

it’s faint. osamu, in the middle of preparing rice, slows. ‘tsumu. he’s the only one in the kitchen, the rest of his staff busy with front of house. his eyes dart around the industrial equipment, the window cracked open, the fans whirring.

oh. a weak chuckle. it still works, huh?

whaddaya mean? osamu frowns.

he doesn’t get an immediate response. when he does, it’s fainter. onigiri miya, huh? it’s a nice name.

osamu was never the best at listening for emotions, but it’s different with telepathy. it’s just them, stripped of their external bodies, left with their inner mind’s voice. atsumu’s is mournful. regretful. apologetic.

‘tsumu, what’s wrong?

it’s that chuckle again, the self-conscious one that starts at the back of his throat, accompanied by a sheepish smile. osamu can imagine it, hear it echo from their childhood, adolescence, to now. sorry that i never came fer the grand openin’. it woulda been cool. i saw the pictures. business is boomin’, huh?

cut the shit, ‘tsumu. osamu has stopped, hands braced on the counter. why’re ya talkin’ ta me? we haven’t talked in years. they don’t follow each other on social media. they haven’t texted since high school. they haven’t called even longer. why, when you have telepathy?

telepathy. used for anything from the mundane to the serious. osamu’s blood runs cold. ‘tsumu, tell me where ya are, right now.

there’s no way ya can make it ta osaka.

watch. osamu is storming out of the kitchen and into his office, ripping his apron off, throwing his hat on top of his laptop. where are ya?

pause. i didn’t believe granny when she said twins could talk ta each other with their minds, thought it was some folktale. but when i heard ya cryin’ fer me after those bullies hit ya, i believed it. we promised each other that we’d be there, right? i completely forgot, an’ i gave ya so much shit fer wantin’ ta follow yer dreams. i’m sorry.

don’t do this ta me, ‘tsumu. osamu is checking shinkansen departures. i’m bookin’ a ticket, i’ll be there soon, don’t ya dare go dark–

i wish i coulda visited once.

he freezes. a chill runs down his spine, feels something in his mind suddenly sink into the darkness. ‘tsumu? ‘tsumu, answer me. ‘tsumu! his phone falls from his hand, vision blurring. ‘tsumu, don’t do this ta me. don’t leave me. ‘tsumu?

don’t leave before i can say sorry.

--

he learns, later that night, that atsumu was in a hit-and-run. a cyclist witnessed it and called for an ambulance. he was barely conscious by the time it arrived, drifted off before reaching the hospital. the surgery went through the night. the doctors aren't sure when he'd wake.

osamu takes the first shinkansen to osaka. when he reaches the hospital, he crashes into his ma’s waiting arms, sobbing into her shoulder. “i’m sorry,” he sobs. “he- ‘tsumu, we talked, but he didn’t- he-“

she shushes him. “baby, it’s okay. yer here, an’ that’s all that matters. shall we see him?”

atsumu’s head is wrapped in bandages, with plenty more around his limbs, hidden beneath his blanket. an iv is inserted in his vein, oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. his expression is gaunt, but his heartbeat is steady. osamu reaches for his hand, the uninjured one, and grasps it between his. “how did we drift so far apart?” he whispers.

ma sits beside him. “he never stopped talkin’ ‘bout ya, whenever he visited. he was even talkin’ ‘bout makin’ a trip ta tokyo ta surprise ya, but…” her breath catches in her throat. “i’m sure he’d love ta have yer food.”

“he can have all the onigiri he wants,” osamu croaks. “every last bit o’ it.”

they stay, take turns stretching their legs, taking calls from friends and family, eating out of the vending machine in the main lobby. the black jackals visit, along with old friends from inarizaki. when night falls, his ma leaves to sleep at the hotel, but osamu stays. he doesn’t let go of atsumu’s hand, not even as he drifts off.

‘samu?

he startles awake, but he doesn't have the strength to open his eyes. ‘tsumu. listen, i’m so sorry–

i’m sorry that i made ya come all the way here. i woulda liked ta show ya the sights, sneak ya into the gym, make ya hit my tosses.

ya idiot. ya can still do all that. yer gonna be fine. i know ya will. osamu squeezes his hand. an’ yer gonna come ta tokyo, an’ we’ll do all the tourist shit ya like. yer gonna eat at my restaurant an’ sleep on my couch, an’ complain ‘bout yer back the next mornin’, an’ we’re gonna do it all again–

a faint laugh. not that self-conscious chuckle, but the quiet, exasperated yet amused laugh that comes when he doesn’t want to acknowledge his brother, yet still does. i’m still sorry ‘bout what i said back in high school.

we’re adults, now. it doesn’t matter. we’ll start again. right?

right.

osamu dares to open his eyes, and stares straight at his brother, who returns his gaze. his lips move beneath his oxygen mask, though no words come out. he hears him, loud and clear.

love ya, idiot.

love ya too, scrub.

--

inspiration: this comic of twin telepathy!

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

Park Sunghoon Perspective Reading

Now on to Park Sunghoon. The song that came up for him was The Show Must Go On by Queen. I can interpret that as he is someone who has to continue to move forward no matter what. I hear continue pressing forward. If he is having a bad day, or maybe even not feeling well he will push through, which makes sense, but I also get that he does put on a show and doesn't necessarily show his pain or hurt too much. As I mentioned before in his reading. I am not too sure he was encouraged to show vulnerability. I just keep hearing 'press forward.' I do know this saying, but didn't really know the definition of this. It means to move forward with more urgency in the face of adversity. I am sure this is something he had to do growing up and this is still something he has to do today, due to Korean society culture and the industry he is in.

I am also getting the message he is a hard shell to crack, which makes sense. Energetically he is quite complicated. And I am sure physically he does not share too much with others. He is quite a mystery. Sunghoon's energy is a lot calmer and more chill than Heeseung and Jake's. Why I say this is because with those two I was getting downloads of information when I wasn't inquiring with Tarot, but with Sunghoon he doesn't say much. I prefer this energy to be honest, cause girlie got her life to live. This shows me he won't say much, unless you inquire. I found that interesting about his energy. Now let's go to the cards.

There is a need for him to shine the brightest parts of himself. To kind of mask himself. He may focus on the external rather than going withing or looking internally. There is this artificial/superficial energy here. Him focusing on his looks, his fashion, or material things to kind of escape his inner world. He does seem like the type who enjoys giving to others, mostly his close community of people in his life. He is definitely an acts of service guy, always willing to give a hand when need be. He may be a great gift giver as well. He may like to hand down things to others or give something of his to others. This is such a random message he is sharing, but okay. He may want to share he is a giving person. His love language would definitely be acts of service, which I am sure Engene like myself Kind of knows. There is a need to put on a happy appearance for him, to put on a bright smile. I do think he is really happy with his career as an idol. I once again get a sense this boy meditates. I feel that can bring him peace and happiness. It is like he finds ways to help stabilize himself. It is like there is this need to stay happy and that he may not like feeling the heavy emotions. I just keep hearing. I got to stay happy. Just laugh at things.

From this next deck of cards, I got he seems to be doing his best to work on himself. He is trying to find a healthy balance in his life. There could be practices he does to relieve pain he may have. There is confidence he has been able to obtain with himself. I see him really believing in himself and his capabilities and a determination to succeed. I believe he is a very grounded individual. A person who is about the present moment. I don't really see him having many worries or thoughts, and not too emotional of a person. I am getting a bit of a stoic energy here. It is like he wants to find peace through the craziness and win at all costs to overcome it.

He once again is showing that he is a pretty calm person. He isn't the type to start of fight or get angry. He does his best to keep a cool demeanor. He's not here for the drama. It is like there is so much chaos around him already. There is no point in him making it worse. He also once again shows that he enjoys being of service to others. This could be as an Idol or with close family and friends. He is also showing me that he doesn't expect much for the future. He does the best he can and keep it moving. He may not be the type that stresses too much about what may happen. He understands life is unpredictable and goes with the flow of it. Man, I wish I had this energy lol Honestly, he isn't showing me anything too heavy or crazy, but let's see once I pull the heavier/shadow decks in the next section.

He is all about becoming a better version of himself. To keep pressing forward, but there is the semblance of clinging to his past self somehow. He seems to be hyper fixated or hyper focused on things to cope with certain regrets he may had happened in the past. It is like if he focuses on these things he won't have to face things. His busy schedule and this need to keep busy can help him with that, it is like he doesn't have to think or deal with emotions. There may have been opportunities he has missed or mistakes he has made that still linger with him. there is a need for him to protect his vulnerability or to not to truly be seen. There seems to be a lack of depth with him, there is literally a card here that says forgetting oneself, it is like let me put on a facade, and that could be why he may enjoy being an idol, so he doesn't really have to look within himself. He can play an image. I wouldn't say it is manipulative, but more his way of coping. Now this can all stem from his inability to show his vulnerability growing up.

There is a strong sense of him to present in the moment. To not really think too much of the past. He seems like the type who does learn from his past experiences doing his best not to repeat failures or mistakes of the past. There is a need for him to cut ties to things or maybe people. He may be very good at cutting ties to anything that negatively impacts him. There is this need to control himself and keep himself centered, due to his chaotic surroundings. He may not control his surroundings or people around him, but he can very control himself, and that is what he tries to do.

Looks like there are good things to come for him if he stays focused on the goal he is pursuing. There may be something he is manifesting, regardless of if he believes in that or not. It looks like if he keeps pushing forward, which is his motto lol He will rise above it all and rise to the occasion. So, things will be looking up for him in the near future.

So, for this last section I will be pulling my Tarot/Astrology deck I made. I like using this, because of the keywords I have here, so the cards he got were fire and earth cards. This makes sense, since he is highly driven by passion and practicality. He showcases very little air and water elements (I don't think he gave me any indication of these elements), which shows he isn't really about emotions or intellect. This goes with what I was getting earlier. He is someone who needs and thrives on excitement. He is the type to get bored pretty quickly and may need a new shiny thing to keep him interested. There is a sense of ego and pride he does have and as I mentioned this need or drive to win and succeed. To defeat any obstacle that is in his way. There is a sense of wanting to win. This boy may stumble over people to get it, not going to lie. I just keep hearing win at all costs.

Now to his practical, more earthy side. He is very dependable, loyal, materialistic, hard-working, stable, generous and there is a bit of responsibility he does have. I wonder if this is to his family, the sense of responsibility, because that made me think of his last reading when I mentioned that, so that is interesting. He is all about his goals. He will do what it takes to reach them, no matter how long it takes. Although, he is very passionate. He can also be slow, steady and patient when it comes to obtaining his goals. It is like he doesn't want to address his emotions or thoughts. It is like I got to keep moving, focusing on my goals, so that he doesn't really have to go there.

Okay, I thought this would be heavier and honestly, I do think there is more to his story. I was getting undertones to something deeper with him, but he wasn't willing to share, which is totally fine. Some parts were really hard for me to extrapolate information for him, which means boy did not want to go there. Anyway, whenever his energy feels like sharing more. I may do another one of him, but overall, still found this interesting.

[neuvillettes]

lost on you | childe

summary | you’ve lost so much time grieving for your relationship with childe.

pairing | childe x reader, diluc x reader

warnings | depictions of anxiety/panic attack, depictions of depression, angst, reader x childe, reader x diluc, chilumi, suggestive themes but nothing explcit, fem!reader

wc | 1.6k

a/n | i tried something new with thos and i’m not sure i lile it :,) this was supposed to be much shorter and diluc weaseled his way in there. how’d he do that? i have know idea aksdjfhkasdjhfasdf

your fingers are numb, just like the rest of your body, yet they still tremble. it’s cold, you’re not sure what you expected. it’s the middle of winter in fontaine and you weren’t wearing any gloves. sure, the cold wasn’t as fierce as it was back in snezhnaya, but it was still enough to run a chill throughout your entirety. you could laugh at the irony. it wasn’t as if you weren’t already cold and empty on the inside, so, what did it matter if you were cold externally as well. even though it’s been well over a year since he left and took your heart with him, you were still an empty shell of the person you were before him.

“what?” you were cooking the two of you a nice dinner and almost cut yourself in the process due to his words. he said something - but - surely you’d heard it incorrectly.

he wasn’t looking at you. no, that wasn’t right either, he refused to look at you. “after my next mission…i’m not coming back.”

you almost asked him to repeat himself one more time. what did he even mean? he wasn’t coming back? last you checked, he was being sent to liyue, the nation of the geo archon. you’d heard it was a beautiful, and for the most part, peaceful place. and this was him of all people. so… why would he say that? he wasn’t making any sense.

“… what do you mean you’re not coming back? what about your family? what about the fatui? what about…” what about me. you thought it, but didn’t dare say it out loud. you couldn’t bring yourself to make him feel guilty on your behalf.

his jaw clenches and hands tremble. he’d been dreading this. he didn’t want to let you go, but it would be selfish of him. he had a duty to uphold and he was getting sloppy. you were a distraction. he reminded himself, he constantly had to remind himself, otherwise the truth would slip through the cracks. he takes in a stuttered and shallow breath before uttering the words that made you completely drop the knife you were holding.

“i don’t mean snezhnaya… i’m not coming back here. i’m not coming back to you.”

the knife made a loud clanking noise before he could even get all of his words out. you had to hold onto the counter to steady yourself. his words were cold, icy, and they drove icicles right through your heart. your ears rang and heart sank. every word he uttered after that was muffled, almost as if he was speaking on the other end of a very long tunnel. you were able to catch bits of what he was saying but none of it was making a lick of sense to your foggy brain.

it had been over a year and, still, you remember his last night with you like it was only hours ago. you spent months sitting at home staring into nothing. his excuses running through your mind over and over again. you analyzed every action you made leading up to him leaving. you couldn’t come up with any reason as to why he would go like he did. his family often checked up on you, knowing they were the only one you had. eventually even seeing them became too much for you.

you left, a note nailed to your door as a goodbye. you weren’t sure you would ever return but you decided now was the time to go out and see the world like you had always talked about with him. you started in inazuma, you wanted to get as far away from your homeland as possible. you couldn’t bring yourself to enjoy it, so you moved on to sumeru. you came up with the same result. you didn’t spend much time in liyue, it was too much for you.

mondstadt was the one nation that brought you a bit of peace. you stayed there the longest. you met a fiery redhead there that was the total opposite of your former lover and yet, he brought you the same type of comfort. he was weary of you at first, familiar with the accent you bore, yet he spoke the same tongue as you.

his name is diluc. although you still couldn’t bring yourself to say his name, diluc was easy for you. he was the first to comment on the way your smile never reached your eyes. he was the first to mention the dull light in your eyes that surely had to brighten at some point in your life.

“who was he?” the redhead was pouring you a glass of dandelion wine as you sat in his bed, covered by a thin white sheet.

“…i don’t care to talk about it.” you avoided his eyes and decided it best to look out the window of his room that overlooked the vineyards.

“does anyone ever like to talk about a previous relationship? you don’t have to tell me, i just thought you might benefit from talking about him.” his voice was so warm and kind that you almost cried.

diluc helped you fill some of the void that was left. but he still couldn’t fill all of it. when it came time for you to leave he made you promise to visit.

you set off to fontaine, hoping to find something that didn’t make you feel so empty. you wanted to come back to diluc as a whole person. you wanted to give him everything, but you couldn’t do that as the semblance of a person you still were.

you were sat at the front of a cafe, sipping on a hot cup of coffee. most people were indoors, but this cold was nothing to you. something about this made you nostalgic. maybe it was the crisp air and mixture of coffee, it reminded you of diluc. suddenly the emptiness isn’t so overwhelming and something happens in that moment, you let a soft, genuine smile grace your features.

unfortunately the moment only lasts a second because, before you know it, a familiar voice is calling out your name. your body runs colder than it had felt previously. you don’t want to open your eyes. you don’t want to be faced with the one person who had been haunting your nightmares for the better part of two years. your body has other ideas though. on instinct you're leaning towards the voice, eyes wide open.

he seems taller than before, built more as well. he’s been training and it shows. he has the same goofy smile on his face. the freckles that litter his nose and cheeks seemed to have multiplied, no doubt from the excess amount of sun he wasn’t getting in snezhnaya. he’s bounding over to you and it’s only until he is right in front of you and speaking that you notice he isn’t alone.

a short blonde woman and some sort of floating child are close on his tail. he introduces her as lumine, the traveler, her smile is bright and you can’t help but smile back despite not wanting to. she seemed familiar with him and that made your chest ache. feelings you had pushed aside for so long began to simmer and boil over. your hands were no longer trembling because of the cold. your body was overheating and your head felt fuzzy. it was happening again, just like the last time you had seen him. you were forced into the back seat, autopilot taking over.

pleasantries were exchanged, he asked you how you were, you asked him the same. lumine introduced her companion and they all laughed about how they met. you watched as they had a conversation without you. his hand every so often resting on her shoulder and a blush forming on her face when it did. you didn’t want to be here, you didn’t want to watch this happen. you didn’t want to watch as he moved on, while you were still helplessly trying to forget him.

after a short while lumine and paimon excuse themselves and then it’s just the two of you. his smile fades and a worried expression replaces it.

“how are you, really? last time i saw you…” he reaches his hand out to hold your own but you immediately retract yours.

you watch the hurt flash across his face. what was he expecting though? he had left you, seemingly so easy. he was replacing you now too. why would you let him touch you as if he still had the right. he clearly didn’t.

you narrow your eyes at his concern. “i’m doing just fine, childe.”

that was the first time you had uttered his name since he left. you hadn’t even dared to think it. although it wasn’t his given name it still left your mouth dry and eyes glossy.

childe flinches at the sound of his codename falling from your lips. it wasn’t something he was used to. he lets out a sigh and stands. “i see. if you say so. i know when i’m not wanted. i’ll go now. goodbye, moya dorogaya.”

he’s gone before you can say anything more. just like last time. tears spill from your eyes and you let out a humorless laugh at the pet name he always used to call you. “how unfair of you…”

you’re left to pick up the pieces yourself once more, but this time is different. if he was able to move on so easily, so would you.

taglist | @bladiez | @dottores | @mxnjiros | @4rlecchinos |

[swallowerofdharma]

What is your vision, interpretation of this little flashback and Yashiro's monologue of chapter 58?

Hi, I am assuming that you are referring to Yashiro recounting, in his mind, an instance of Doumeki visiting during the two weeks that passed between chapter 57 and chapter 58? There are quite a few other calls back to other moments in the past in the chapter also, triggered by Kageyama’s line of questioning, and those are significant ones too. So let’s see; chapter 57 ended with the narration going back to Yashiro and giving some insights into his perspective - quite chilling and pessimistic, with him feeling stuck and left behind - after the previous major shift that had us following Doumeki’s point of view mostly for quite a while (although the narrator is quite often very external and neutral), from the start of chapter 53: Doumeki’s thought bubble saying “What a lie”, after speaking with Muraji on the phone, is quite telling and in my opinion a good addition to make clear to the reader that Doumeki has been deceitful in more than one way. He is keeping things hidden from his superiors and he is keeping things hidden from Yashiro, notably his authentic emotions, which has been definitely confirmed at the beginning of chapter 56. I’m already stepping out of track here, but I think it’s important to clarify that I keep in mind Doumeki’s duplicity, because I think this is what the author wanted in giving us so many hints about it. But if the readers know or suspect that Doumeki has other more genuine feelings beside possession and jealousy, feelings that resemble what he had for Yashiro before the time skip, when he called him “kashira” tenderly, Yashiro doesn’t know that. He doesn’t suspect, doesn’t hope. He believes that Doumeki has moved on from whatever he thought he was feeling for Yashiro and he constantly misses the old him. Remember that Yashiro heard that he has a woman now, from Nanahara, suspected it even before their encounter with Izumi, and Doumeki never clarified that point when asked directly, he has been thinking over and over about Doumeki and Izumi together lately. He has interpreted Doumeki’s jealousy as anger and disgust in him, worry about Yashiro selling info for sex, and not as a sign of “interest” or worry about him as a person, and now he only understands that Doumeki is using him for sex “without a word, without any meaning”. I think that as readers we should always pay attention to what the characters know and why, especially now that both Yashiro and Doumeki can’t see or know what the other is feeling. Yashiro’s blindness is addressed directly in this part of the chapter, by the way. We are offered a broader perspective, although still quite partial and not omniscient ourselves, so as not to draw hasty conclusions.

What is it that Yashiro can’t see, figuratively speaking? The same thing he refused to see before or tried to reframe as something else: that Doumeki could have been genuinely in love with him and that he could have let himself reciprocate. Although I could bring up an amount of textual evidence to my reasoning, this is still my interpretation and others might have another opinion, but I have always thought this: the trigger for the deep change in Yashiro when it comes to arousal and desire being aligned now wasn’t Doumeki successfully expressing love through his love making, more than it was Yashiro feeling his own raw love and emotions and vulnerability and being forcefully confronted with his grief. The “break” happened when it was no longer possible for Yashiro to detach himself, to deny his hurt and deepest wounds, to compartmentalize and deny the fact that he might have minded having sex, he never wanted it, he was forced into it, and he was made to say that he “liked” it, because his body responded to it. And now he has been living with his unresolved feelings for Doumeki, and his memories of him, more fragile than he was before, without assigning blame or asking for anything else because he never could really see Doumeki in a bad light, but pure, earnest and he didn’t trust himself not to ruin it, being entangled in so many dark things, his reputation, the shame and degradation, the yakuza, the constant danger.

The sentence that hit me harder in chapter 58 was Yashiro saying to Kageyama: “An old man like you shouldn’t worry about such sickening things”. Although they have been bantering all the time, this is Yashiro once again downplaying his own feelings, the fact that he is capable of falling in love and helpless about it, him refusing to being seen and considered, refusing to bring all the painful things under the light and sharing them with someone else. The multiple wounds are still opened and the doctor is now offering to take another look now, a proper look, without the fetishized aspect, but Yashiro will spare him the sight: they are too disgusting, they aren’t worth the time. In answering a previous ask, I referred to Yashiro’s homophobia, or biphobia. This has become more and more apparent when he has been comparing himself to Izumi or other women, Yashiro doesn’t feel like he can possibly measure up, being treated the same, and therefore if he is in love with a “straight” man, in no way there is a possibility to be chosen and for good reasons, he will always be less than, a corrupted thing, a deviant in his mind, a vice and object for men to occasionally use, Doumeki now included: this is what he is doing now, having grown up into a full fledged yakuza like the others. Yashiro has been acknowledging his own bisexuality openly, but he doesn’t believe that Doumeki could be bisexual himself. He is a straight man who thought he fell for a man as a one time thing, turns out maybe it was just curiosity and sexual gratification. He comes to have sex and leaves. Yashiro’s point of view has always been screwed towards the worst case scenario so that he can prepare, can go into any situation disillusioned, so maybe he would hurt less. This is how I have been interpreting what is going on with Yashiro in the last pages of both chapters 57 and 58. We are going down much deeper than ever, before hopefully going up for air and find a little light. Yashiro needs to confront all the negative things he always heard about and associated with homosexuality: something he discovered in the worst way possible and also something that his stepfather claimed to despise, since he would rather pretend Yashiro was a girl, and have him think that way, until his body grew up into puberty to resemble a boy more evidently and Yashiro got discarded. The pedophilic inclination of Yashiro’s stepfather, and the implications on Yashiro’s perception and confusion about homosexual desire and love, have been addressed and shown and brought up in quite key moments, so I think we should face it as readers. What he internalized about himself and his reactions to feelings of desire or falling in love with men rather than women are big unresolved issues and were behind Yashiro’s path to self destruction and his lack of self worth. As I said before I am glad that all this is addressed too, instead of being ignored in favor of some superficial and quicker satisfaction in the notion that love saved the day and cured all. Yashiro just accepting in “being wrong” in an unproblematic way so that he can be a passive object to Doumeki’s “rightful” love, and an object to the readers that Doumeki can fuck and being hot for, displaying excitement and sexual gratification instead of resisting: this has never been what I wished for or expected from the story. Well that would have been the pornography way yaoi are accused of being about, nothing more. Yoneda’s inspiration goes further and I can see how she genuinely likes and cares for Yashiro and her other characters, not just using them to sell magazines or prove an abstract point, which is why I am not going to stop praising her work.

[sepublic]

Adding to my SA-X externalizing Samus’ self-loathing post, Dark Samus could do it first as well. She’s not really, truly a dark version of Samus, more of a mutated monstrosity wearing a stolen suit. But maybe she could still reflect the darkness in Samus’ mind in Corruption, when Samus is infected with Phazon. We know if Samus goes into Hypermode for too long, she becomes consumed and turns into a Dark Samus herself??? Plus apparitions of Prime show up when the other hunters die, implying her spirit was already possessing them, before she absorbs them.

So maybe there’s a latent consciousness of Prime within Samus’ infection. And when she’s really going through it with the Phazon overdose, reeling from the guilt of killing her friends, she starts to suffer hallucinations. And I think Phazon-induced hallucinations are a canonical symptom? So Samus goes to a reflection, sees what she’s turning into as she suffers from her bodily autonomy being violated as she tries to stammer to herself she’s fine.

And then the reflection turns into Dark Samus, who grips Samus by the shoulders and asks; We just murdered our friends. Does that sound fine?

Samus realizes she’s not being strangled by Dark Samus, but herself, and lets go. Dark Samus continues to mess with Samus telepathically through her Phazon infection, and make Samus wonder if there’s any differentiation between the two, if she’s being possessed and going to turn into her. It could just be Dark Samus cloning herself like she does in her boss fight but in a more tangible and stable way… But it could be that and more. Or maybe it really IS all in Samus’ head and Prime is just chilling on Phaaze while it happens.

Make Prime really earn the title Dark Samus when a hallucination makes Samus lash out violently and she sees her changed reflection, and reflects on who she almost hurt in that manic state; Samus veers into a panic attack. She arrives on Phaaze and hears and sees DS more frequently; Is this because the mental link is stronger because they’re closer, and/or because Prime IS Phaaze now thanks to the Aurora Unit, and is literally manifesting through the planet? Samus questions, exhausted, if Dark Samus is really there when she enters the final chamber; Dark Samus confirms, cue final battle.

Dark Samus is now a psychological horror, representing what Samus fears she could become, the future… While the SA-X later on is her past, who she was, coming back to haunt Samus. Her previous body made manifest and reduced to just the unfeeling hunter, with Dark Samus being the twisted mind. Both doppelgängers are also an opportunity for Samus to vent a LOT of pent-up frustration towards herself, but it’s in Fusion’s climax where AI Adam begins to help her actually address this healthily.

[techwrecker]

𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐱𝐲

Genre: fluff, light angst, SFW

Word Count: 1.9k

TW: N/A (please let me know if I missed any)

Summary: Phee has always been taken with Tech. Tech has always been scared of the future. In which Tech admits his Pheelings.

AO3

✦•······················•✦•······················•✦

Stifling, stuffy, and sticky. 

Pabu was in the midst of its humid season and naturally, The Marauder required external repairs on the hottest day of the year. Tech shifted the plasma torch in his right hand to the other and retracted his arm from the side of the ship. He brought the free hand down to his mouth and bit down on the glove’s fingertip to free his sweaty hand. On any other given day, Tech would still be in his mandated blacks and armor, but, due to the heat of the day, he had changed into local-woven garments. They were made from indigenous plant fibers that allowed the breeze to float through and keep one cool. Tech couldn’t help but admire the practicality. He lifted the hem of his shirt to wipe his forehead, slick with sweat.

“Well, if it ain’t ‘ole Brown Eyes,” a familiar voice said from behind him, making him jump slightly.

Tech turned to see Phee walking towards him, eyes gleaming as she inspected his exposed torso. Her mischievous eyes met his own and he let the shirt drop out of his hand. She was holding two glasses, condensation from the blue chilled drink dripping to the ground as she made her way over. Nothing had ever quite looked as refreshing as the beverages she was holding.

“Hello, Phee.” He greeted simply, climbing down from the ladder he had propped against the nose of the ship.

“What’s wrong with her now?” She asked. She offered him a glass and he took it gratefully. He lifted it up briefly in thanks before taking the first sip. He bent down to set the torch on the ground to gesture at the exposed wiring.

“Mostly navigational issues.” He took a big swallow of the fruit-flavored beverage before continuing. “But, it is taking longer than I calculated this type of repair typically takes.”

“You mean you were wrong ?” Phee looked at him in mock surprise. He waved off her comment.

“Technically , I was not incorrect. My calculations are merely statistics and estimations. Outliers are still a possibility.” He explained to her.

“There it is. Ever the technicalities.” She turned around, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with him. Looking up at the panel he was working on, she placed her elbow on his shoulder and gently leaned on him for support.

"Yes… technicalities." 

Tech stiffened slightly at the contact, but not enough to scare her off. Despite the heat, his skin prickled from his wrists all the way up to the nape of his neck. Being an Empire fugitive didn't leave much room to, for lack of a better phrase, fraternize with women. And as he was a male clone in a sea of other male clones, his time in the Republic left much to be desired. Aside from the occasional senator, his experience derived solely from the female Jedi generals and even then, it was only briefings or receiving orders.

Phee was a breath of fresh air amongst them. She stuck her neck out for strangers because it was the right thing to do, was never one to shy away from a challenge, and she had taken a shine to Omega– all traits Tech and his brothers had come to value in the recent months. Hunter agreed that she would be a useful contact to know, so the crew had struck up a relationship of the business nature with the pirate.

Despite the transactional nature of their relationship, Tech couldn’t help but to notice her lingering glances. Whenever they met up for a mission or new intel, her gaze always lasted a moment longer on him than on anyone else. And she took every chance she could to initiate contact with him. He always felt it tenfold, radiating through his whole body. When she retracted her touch, he could still feel her fingerprints burning against his skin and found himself wanting her return. However, Tech knew that his newly established “line of work” was not viable for a relationship. It wasn’t a formula with a singular answer that he could calculate in an instant. There were too many variables outside of his control for him to allow himself to feel fully comfortable with Phee, though he could if he let himself.

"Why don't you just reroute the power from the microthruster back to the main drive? Most ships never even touch it unless their fuel is low," She suggested, still looking at the problem at hand.

“Hmm. That might help with the charge of the navicom while systems are online, but the issue of the catalyzer shutting down once we go into hyperspace still remains.” Tech replied.

Phee tilted her head back toward the sky, letting the last of the liquid slip into her mouth, eyes closed. Tech was mesmerized by her beauty. The sun bronzed the highlights of her face and made the golden bands in her hair shine. His cheeks flushed against his tanned skin.

“You know,” she started after swallowing. “If you take a holo, it’ll last you longer.” Phee opened her eyes and set the glass down on a nearby crate. Had she just winked at him or was she just trying to shield her eyes from the blazing sun?

For once, Tech was speechless.

“That way whenever you’re on a mission without me, my hologram will be on your datapad and you won’t have to miss me so much,” she flirted, looking him in the eyes.

“As tempting as that is, missions usually take up most of our time save for traveling. I do not often have time to ‘miss’ anybody,” he said. “It is nothing personal.”

Phee dropped her arm and knit her brows in confusion. She let the hurt wash over her for a brief moment before quickly recovering. Even though Tech had purposefully rejected her attention, he still cringed inside knowing that he had crossed a line. He returned his attention to the ship, breaking eye contact. He could feel her still analyzing his stoic face.

“Well I’ll leave you to it, then,” she said, solemnly.

As much as he wanted to, Tech did not watch her go. She would eventually move on, as people do. Statistically speaking, 80% of people eventually experience unrequited attraction and despite that, the planets still make their rotations. He just wished Phee didn’t have to be part of that statistic.

The clone continued to work long into the evening, uninterrupted. Thankfully, the heat had eventually subsided letting the breeze pick up the cooling sea air. Tech focused on the gentle hum of the fully operational power board and the chirping of sea birds. It was music to his ears. Anything to draw his mind from his midday faux pas. At last, his well-loved Marauder was back in satisfactory condition.

The exhaustion from working in the sun caught up with him all at once. Tech gathered up his tools and set them on the crate next to the glass Phee had brought him.

Phee.

A longing ache sprouted in his chest. He picked up the glass and inspected it, turning it round. After some consideration and deliberation, Tech resolved to find his friend and apologize to her. He did not make a habit of apologizing as he was rarely, if ever, wrong. But when it came to emotions and attraction, he never knew completely what he should say or do.

Tech started toward Phee’s domicile, clutching the slender glass. As he made his way down the winding steps, he began to think about his time as a cadet- somber, arduous, cold. He didn’t want to keep living like that. He wanted to live under the warm sun, feel the wind against his skin. Creating a path that he chose, not anybody else, became his primary goal. By creation he was an analytical thinker, but that didn’t mean that he always had to choose logic over love. Though Tech's mind had always been rooted in logic, he realized he needed to finally step out of his comfort zone. 

His speed increased as his passion grew. Phee had to know. She had to know how he felt. He wouldn't let the Empire tarnish every aspect of his life and the Republic was dissolved. It was his life to live now, his choices to make. Not even all the dangers of the galaxy could stop him now. Soon, he was whizzing by the local homes. Nothing but the sound of his boots stomping against the cobblestone filling his ears. Tech emptied his mind of anything but Phee.

Finally, her home was in view. The clone slowed to catch his breath before arriving knocking on her door. He passed the stone wall that encapsulated her home and made his way to the expertly woven mat that laid before the threshold. It had been painted with native symbols of welcome, prosperity, and warding. Phee may have been a woman of the galaxy, but in the end she would always come back to the only true home she had ever known. Tech raised his fist to knock on the door, gently.

He waited in the dusk, the sun completely gone beyond the horizon. Gentle footsteps shuffled behind the wooden door.

Upon opening the door and seeing her favorite clone standing before her, she did not give away any indication of what she was thinking. It was impossible for Tech to completely infer what she was feeling, though, considering his cold-hearted rejection earlier, he had some ideas.

 “Oh, it’s you,” she said flatly.

“Yes, it is me. I wanted to return your cup. You left it on the crates,” Tech explained. He offered her the glass. She took it, gingerly. “And-”

“And?” Phee raised an eyebrow.

“And to tell you…” Suddenly, a lump the size of a meteorite formed in his throat. “I apologize for earlier. I thought that it would be safer for you if nothing happened between us,but I realized that is not what I want.”

“Well, that’s just not giving me any credit,” she replied, a smile hinting on her lips.

“I know you are over-abundantly capable of protecting yourself, do not worry. But The Empire… They will come for my brothers and me eventually. I would feel responsible if anything ever happened to you. I- I care... about you,” he admitted.

He let his eyes drop to the floor and hung his head as his cheeks burned red. He couldn’t bring himself to look her in the eyes, overwhelmed with emotion. He could never be accustomed to this sensation.

“Tech,” she started. He could hear the gentle smile in her voice. Phee placed her warm hand against his cheek, tenderly lifting his face and delicately stroking her thumb. Her expression softened. Their faces were but inches apart. “I care about you, too.”

Phee leaned up and softly closed the gap between their lips. His first kiss. Although he had calculated this to be the inevitable outcome, Tech couldn’t help but let the zing of surprise shoot through his nerves. He closed his eyes as he melted into her, bringing one hand to the nape of her neck and letting the other wrap around to the small of her back. She responded positively, relaxing into his embrace. She moved both hands to rest on his chest and deepened the kiss, softly but with enough force to let tell him that he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Phee pulled away first, leaving him wanting more. She looked deeply into his eyes.

“We are more than the Empire. We are more than the galaxy. We are us ."

[ghostinthegallery]

Oltyx and Lysikor's relationship is so funny to me. So much of Oltyx's actions throughout TDK (especially in Reign after he firmly put regicide on the table as an option) are fueled by paranoia and fear of betrayal...and then you have Lysikor who is basically wearing an "I am going to betray you!" T-shit. And Oltyx is totally chill about him. He killed every other noble on his tombworld for shits and giggles. He offers to assassinate Oltyx as a favor when they first discover the human armada. And Oltyx just thinks "eh, he may or may not be joking, it's probably fine" (and of course Yenekh makes his objections to this plan known so that helps). Lysikor steals enough shit to make Trazyn proud, and again Oltyx kind of shrugs and demands his stuff back. He listens to Lysikor's counsel so much that Yenekh actually gets jealous!! Lysikor even becomes his main confidante for a while (because of reasons). Oltyx is more relaxed around Lysikor than anyone else in the story. What's going on there??

I mean the obvious answer is that Lysikor isn't cursed (one of the only people in the dynasty who isn't) so there's no dread mirror on Oltyx when he's around him. Lysikor has his own form of honor, and he genuinely seems to like Oltyx (whether this reflects well on our boy is debatable but still). There might be an aspect of comfort to Lysikor's honesty as well. There is so much uncertainty in Oltyx's life and he is filled with so much self-loathing, he might even want Lysikor's betrayal to come. Maybe that's why he keeps him so close. An easy out to all the shit he is dealing with, internally and externally, and coming from a source he understands.

To top it all off, Lysikor is legitimately sorry when he can't follow through on his betrayal. Like he has wronged Oltyx in not stabbing him in the back sufficiently. It is sweet in its own way. Like Lysikor respected Oltyx so much, he thought he deserved something truly epic. Better than just being killed in his sleep. Lysikor apparently had a plan, he just never got the chance to execute it. I love this window into another form of necron "madness." The twisted ways some of them view the world, but still find comradery.

Lysikor is still out there, of course. And obviously I don't want his master stroke to come (protect Oltyx and the flayers at all costs!) but if it ever did, it would be the most wholesome betrayal in the history of 40K. And I still think Oltyx would be weirdly understanding about the whole thing.