#but in my defense I got home from uni and immediately had a nap as soon as I laid in bed (which was around 7 pm)
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hey starbs! I was wondering something, I know you are studying biolgy in uni and as someone who wants to be a biolgist but has been told im too "artistic and creative" to spend my life working with such precise things. I know you are also and artist, obviously, how has it been for you that you are a creative person, yet working with a course that is so strict to what it is (like not incudlign the different types of biolgist, like how you work there you rcant do what you want like you could with art or writing etc)
do you have any advice on how to reach for this goal or how youve felt just wanting to be a biolgist? im struggling alot with future stuff and it would be nice to hear from a fellow artist. (keep up the great work)
I'll be honest and say that studying Biology was a bit of a rushed decision (?)
I had no idea what I truly wanted to do while studying for the entrance exam. I knew I enjoyed different subjects and could work flexibly, but depending on the path I took, things would become either enjoyable or difficult for me. Biology has always been a subject I loved as a kid, but never something I was constantly interacting with growing up. With art that was different. I was definitely more passionate and skilled at art than at anything else.
I would have choosed to work with art, if only I had scored higher in the entrance exam and if only it was easy to make art for a living. Still, I don't regret choosing to study Biology.
It was a little discouraging in the beginning with how little I knew about the subject. Some students had far more knowledge than I ever had growing up. Some of them know exactly how a biology major will help them in the future. There were also people like me who had no idea what they wanted to do, but were willing to learn.
Turns out that Biology is one of the least precise things you could ever work with. Sciences in general is a subject that functions on uncertainty, and is what brings people forward to gather more information. My Plant Anatomy teacher often says "Mas Ă© isso nĂ© gente, as plantas nĂŁo lĂȘem livros" (Which can be translated to "But yeah, plants don't read books"), because very often you'll find exceptions and unexplainable occurances everywhere (In this case, students are taught not to make assumptions about certain morphological characteristics that are present in plants... but not in all of them).
Artistic and creative are traits that are incredibly helpful and often necessary as skills. In a more literal approach, it might help you understand illustrated examples and "train your eye" for the tiniest details. Using your creativity as a tool to learn will immediately make things easier for you. I can't always draw and paint like I used to, but I can say that "motor proteins travelling along microtubules look like tiny people going for a walk :D" and never forget the information.
Being creative helps you make analogies with already existing information, so it's easier to retain it. I could also say "motor proteins travelling along microtubules remind me of Michael Afton walking down the sidewalk :D" and it's even easier to remember! Play with the information like it's a toy. If you can explain it to a 5 year old, that's because you learned.
But of course, there will always be classes that are more difficult than others. Mathematics will always be that one for me. You can't escape the challenging parts ^^'
Overall, it really depends on the person. It might work for me, and it might not work for you. The key is to explore and experiment on your own pace. Answers will come to you if you keep searching for them.
My best advice (in any major you're choosing), which will likely save your time, energy and sanity, is to find people like you. Not necessarily people who share similar interests as you, but people that you can count on and share your struggles â and they'll sometimes share their own. Befriending people often keeps you grounded and less anxious about how you'll perceive yourself and the future. It's a win-win interaction. Everyone is struggling, so we'll help each other out.
Remember it's okay to not know things right away. Remember it's okay that you're not as skilled as x person. Remember it's okay to be kind to yourself.
I could be saying all of this, but every day there's a huge effort to remind myself to take it slow. Reality oftens becomes skewed when we don't give ourselves a break.
I hope I helped you somehow, with the little to no experience I've had over the past few months. Wishing you and any other person reading this and who's in a similar situation good luck.
-----
One last advice.
Please, SLEEP!
SLEEP. SLEEP. SLEEP.
Don't even think about staying up late. SLEEP. Eat healthy whenever you can. Carry a banana with you, they have potassium â which is fucking great for your organism !!!
CARRY WATER. EVERYWHERE. TAKE đ§đ§đ§đŠđŠđŠđŠđ§đ§đŠđŠ
How is anyone supposed to make good decisions while exhausted, grumpy, dehydrated, overwhelmed and hungry? THERE IS NO WAY. TREAT YOURSELF WITH CARE !!!! NOOOWWWW
#Telling others to sleep even though it's 3 in the morning for me is kinda hypocritical. I know#but in my defense I got home from uni and immediately had a nap as soon as I laid in bed (which was around 7 pm)#and woke up now on accident :DD#promise i'll be asleep as soon as i send this message đđ#anyway. hope these giant chunks of random text help somehow#inbox#starbstalks#fav
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anything for you | lee felix
genre: rich kid!felix x reader | rich kid au ; friends-to-lovers au ; food ; swearing warning ; alcohol warning ; drinking and driving warning ; abuse warning summary: felixâs family owns the largest restaurant franchise in the country and your family works under them. you two have spent your entire lives together and somehow youâve turned into mini versions of your parents with a boss and secretary type relationship. it wasnât until last year on his birthday when he tells you he loves you while drunk that your friendship dynamic dramatically changes, and itâs not for the better when he pretends it never happened. wc: 11.2k
You and Felix were two peas in a pod.
From the moment you two were born until your last months at university, you were tied in this relationship for life. Were you two dating? No, of course not! Were you two friends? WellâŠ
Your friendship with Felix was complicated because it was kind of⊠bought. There was no way to put it lightly, that was simply the origin of your relationship. It all started when Felixâs rich ass CEO of a Dad hired your Dad to be his right hand man in all decision-making aspects of the company he ran. You thought of your Dad as a Chancellor to the King, which I mean was still a high position in the company, but your peers around you thought otherwise.
You attended all the same schools as Felix (thanks to his Dadâs connections), attended the same after school activities (also thanks to his Dad), and even attended the same overseas summer camps (thanks to his Dad who owned the plane that flew everyone). Even then, after being on the same level as Felix for over twenty years, everyone saw you as Felixâs Secretary who waited on his every word. As a kid, your Dad was transparent about how all the privileges you had were all because of Felix and his family and that you should always treat them with respect. And as an impressionable kid, of course you took that a little too literal.
Your Secretary title started in Pre-School when Felix was crying because he forgot his toy to take a nap with at home, so you offered yours. Those small, kind gestures turned into getting him drinks and snacks whenever he wanted, to tutoring him in subjects he had trouble with, to completing essays he didnât want to complete, and you did it all without ever complaining.
So despite receiving all the same opportunities as all the other inheritance-dependent kids, you were the bottom-feeder of your entire grade.
â_____ ~â Felix whined while entering your apartment. âIâm hungry.â
You exited your bedroom fixing the last couple buttons on your dress shirt. Youâre not surprised to see him in the least, as youâre used to him coming in whenever he pleased since he owned the other copy of the apartment keys. âI have food in the fridge.â
âI donât want a huge meal before the shareholders meeting.â
âYou know where the snacks are, what are you waiting for?â
âI just wanted to ask just in case.â
The excited boy wasted no time invading your pantry and grabbing a handful of fruit snack packets, some he stuffed in his dress pants pockets and some he immediately tore open. He made himself home by flopping on your couch, also known as his second bed, and scrolled through his rotation of dating apps while waiting for his dear friend to finish getting ready.
âDonât lie down like that!â you nagged. âYour pants are going to get all wrinkly!â
Rolling his eyes, Felix sat up straight, to which you immediately fixed random strands of hair that strayed away from the rest of his slick-back style.
âWhat are you, my mom?â he mumbled, swatting away your hands.
âDonât you know how important this meeting is? We could land our internships today.â
âDo you really think I need to worry about that?â
âI guess not⊠You donât even want to try out another company for a semester? Scope out your partners?â
âThatâs exactly why I shouldnât be doing that. Iâll look so shady! You probably shouldnât be thinking about doing that either.â
A small pout emerges from your lips. As much as you owe the Lees and their company your life, youâd like to think the possibility of freeing yourself from their financial shackles was high, even if it was for just one semester. But Felix was right - in order to avoid any spying controversies, it was probably best to not even think about another company. Basically, you were trapped with this company for life.
âReady to go?â Felix broke the silence. He was the first to leave your couch and head for the door without even bothering to wait for you to catch up.
When you finished locking your front door, you caught Felix looking at your business casual outfit a little too closely. If you werenât so quick with your reflexes, you would have bumped right into his oddly bulging chest (has he been working out lately?). Still, his foxy eyes scanned you up and down, slowly and intimately.
âWh-What are you doingâŠ?â you asked nervously. âIs my outfit too bland? Itâs ugly, isnât it? I canât really glam up for a business meeting, you know.â
âChill, why are you being hella defensive right now?â he teased. âNo, you look good. Honest. Good enough to stand next to me, at least. I wouldnât stand next to Father if I were you.â
âThanks, I think.â
âYou kind of fit that secretary stereotype you like so much. Especially since youâll be following me around all day.â
âI do not!â
âYeah, ok,â Felix tossed you the keys to his expensive black sports car, to which you were also covered as a driver by his insurance. For someone who owns several expensive cars, he sure hates driving them. âShotty.â
âThereâs only two of usâŠâ
The car ride was mostly silent other than the deafening rap music that blared through the subwoofers. Felix could tell you were nervous depending on how talkative you were. If you were blabbering on about how you looked or something arbitrary for at least fifteen minutes, you were probably nervous about a date or maybe a quiz that was coming up in class. If you were silent, he knew that the matter was much more serious. Silence meant that you believed no matter what you did to change yourself or improve upon past mistakes, there was no hope and that whatever was coming was absolute.
âDonât worry about today,â he reassured after reading your mind. âItâs not like youâre talking in front of hundreds of people at the meeting.â
âEasy for you to say, youâre used to this type of crowd.â
âAre you not? We have class with those good-for-nothing kids of theirs, itâs like the same thing!â
âIt is definitely not the same thing! These people have power and theyâre smart! The uni is full of idiots who got in with bribes!â
âAnd you donât think our shareholders do their fair share of bribing?â
âOf course they do, and thatâs what makes them even more terrifying, Felix! They have that kind of power to either buy my entire life or buy out and make sure I never see anyoneâs faces again!â
âYou say it like you havenât been shackled to me for over twenty years.â
âThatâs different ok, I was a commodity, I couldnât change anything as a fetus.â
âAnd now you think you can?â
âI mean, Iâd like to think so. Am I crazy?â
âNo, not at all.â Gingerly, Felix patted your head like a little kid. âYouâll be just fine ~ I can even introduce you to the ones you want to talk to if youâd like.â
âThatâs ok. Iâd like to try on my own.â
He understood completely. How he wished he could have that little bit of freedom⊠To even think about leaving the company behind to work for someone else was blasphemous.
The shareholders meeting was a social event like no other - like, it might as well be a ball with all the people attending and all the press surrounding and being in the building. You pulled up to the normal valet guy who only chuckled at your shocked expression. Felix, on the other hand, wasnât all that surprised and was rather annoyed at how something as simple as a meeting was getting this much attention.
After dodging all of the press and making it through several thresholds to reach the conference room, you helped Felix prepare for his opening speech.
âYou seem more nervous than me,â Felix teased while you quickly smoothed out the wrinkles in his jacket.
âI'm nervous all the damn time.â
âWell, can you quit it before I start sweating? This outfit was expensive. Do you have my speech?â
Searching through your trusty bottomless bag that held everything from tips from your part-time at the cafe to snacks in case Felix got whiny, you pulled out a medium-sized notepad with his opening speech written on it.
âReally, _____? Hand written?â
âMy sentences sound better when I write them down instead of typing it!â
âAt least itâs legible.â Felixâs Dad announced over the microphone on stage that the meeting will begin shortly. He saw the both of you standing off to the side and waved happily, to which you both could only wave back. The boy in front of you sighed, and itâs the first time today he seemed only slightly nervous. He turned to you. âHow do I look?â
How did the most handsome boy youâve come to know look this morning? Dressed in navy with a white button-down, ears bejeweled and shining in the bright lights, his eyes and his smile sly and foxy, so of course to you he was the only one in the room who you had your eyes on because no one else could ever compare. Thatâs how itâs always been.Â
Gentle fingers startled Felix, only for him to realize you were fixing his monogrammed silver tie clip. âYou look just fine.â
ââJust fineâ? Not the sexiest man in the entire world?â
âIâd hardly call you a manâŠâ
âWelcome to the YONGBOK Inc. Shareholders Meeting,â greeted your Father while on stage. Felix noticeably cringed at the sound of his birth name slash company name. âWe will begin this meeting with an opening remark from Mr. Leeâs son, Felix.â
âGo get âem, Tiger,â you whispered with two thumbs up.
A loud round of applause erupted from the audience filled with press and shareholders. Lee Felix was named one of the most influential people under twenty-five this year and has consistently landed spots on Forbesâ 30 Under 30 list so yes, Felix was always highly anticipated as a guest to fashion shows and charity balls and even more so as a speaker for his future company. Though it was only less than a minute ago he was jittery with nerves, the second he stepped on stage in front of the podium, it was as if he was born to be a public speaker.
âGood morning, honored guests,â he began in his deep voice that startled unfamiliar guests..
His speech - your speech - wasnât that long, since it was a simple welcome to all the rich people who gave the Leeâs their money. Regardless of its length, Felix somehow drifted his gaze towards the right where you stood. You, who always stood by him and was his friend through everything, stood at the sidelines giving him your unwavering support, even through this minor milestone. Despite this huge corporate building being the last place you want to be, still, you were here by his side.
In your eyes though, it looked like maybe his stage fright was worse than you expected, so you gave him two thumbs up again for reassurance. You couldnât really tell what he was thinking because he seemed totally fine, in fact his execution was quite flawless, it was just⊠Why wouldnât he look into the cameras? The stage lights that shined on him showcased the bright grin he gave when he saw how confused you looked.
âWe will continue to work hard together so that YONGBOK will continue being the best restaurant franchise in the country,â was the motto of the company and how Felix ended the speech. With a deep bow and a wink for fan service, he exited the stage.
He fell into your arms clutching his heart. âUgh, that was so scary!â
âYou did fine,â you mumbled, quickly pushing him off before any cameras caught you. Still, he swung an arm around your shoulders unapologetically.
âAll right, letâs ditch this popsicle stand.â
âYou know we canât do that or our Fathers will kill us.â
âYou think I havenât died and resurrected like a rising phoenix dozens of times?â
âLeave if you want, itâs your suicide.â
âYou wonât come with me?â the handsome boy pouted.
âIâm not actually your secretary, you know.â
âI know, but Iâll be so lonely⊠Did you at least bring a snack?â
Felix decided to stay when he realized you werenât kidding about wanting to sit through the entire meeting. Your right ear was focused on all the questions shareholders and the press had while your left ear focused on the child you were babysitting playing with the chocolate bar wrapper. Eventually the conflicting sounds merged into one when the lack of caffeine in your veins made it hard to concentrate for long hours.
âBet you wished you left with me a couple hours ago, huh?â Felix teased once everything was over.
âWhatever. The important thing is that itâs over now.â
âAre you going to go talk with some of the shareholders?â
That was the original plan - to land an internship at a different company and slowly but surely escape the bubble that is the Leesâ world, but what was the use of making life harder on yourself if youâll just be seen as a spy? What was the use in anything anymore when your life was determined the moment you came out of the womb?
You shook your head tiredly. âNah, I think Iâll save that for another time.â
Felix linked his arm with yours like you were the gentleman and he was the lady. The warmth of another body so close to yours was only familiar when it was his, and you wished your body was unbiased and rejected anything within a five feet radius. âYou wanna hang out with me that much?â
âWho said Iâm hanging out with you? Iâm driving you home.â
âNo come on, letâs hang out today! Neither of us have class and when was the last time it was just the two of us?â
By âjust the two of youâ, he meant when was the last time you and him hung out without any business involved? When was the last time you and him had pizza together after a long week of midterms and studying, or the last time he picked you up from your part time at the cafe to have a cup of coffee, or the last time you talked about anything other than being ordered around by the Prince himself?
The answer to that question was last year on his birthday when he got too wasted and you didnât have the strength to carry him up his multi-story mansion, so instead you carried him up to your humble apartment and let him crash on your bed the whole weekend (insisted upon staying the whole weekend because all the puking made him âweakâ and âdehydratedâ).
Truth be told, you loved Felixâs company, whether it was business or personal. The hesitation was because you wondered if he truly felt the same way, especially since he never spoke about that night on his birthday. That night, a lot was said, but nothing was ever confirmed, so you were left in limbo while Felix managed to live in ignorant bliss.
It was better this way.
âI guess itâs been a whileâŠâ you trailed off.
âItâs been forever, love. Can we go to your cafe? Iâm really craving the strawberry milk latte thing.â
âAnything for you, Felix ~â
âThatâs what I like to hear.â
âFelix,â the haunting voice of his father echoed from behind. âCome here for a second -â
âThatâs our cue!â The wild blond took you by the hand and sprinted out the conference room doors before his dad could catch him.
As if already predicting the time of events for the shareholders meeting, the valet already had the sports call pulled up and tossed you the keys for maximum efficiency.
âHey, youâre hand-eye coordination is getting better!â Felix teased while hopping in the front seat.
âAnd your fear for your dad is not.â
âItâs not fear, itâs pure distaste. Completely different.â
The short ride to your cafe was anything but quiet as Felix filled you in on his most recent Tinder match. The story was something along the lines of âshe was hot, but kind of stupidâ, and you werenât exactly sure what came after that because, well, you didnât care. Hearing about the guy you were in love with slash your childhood friend slash the guy whose family bought out your familyâs current dating app situation wasnât exactly the most ideal setting, but hey, it beats sitting in that conference room for any longer.
The cafe was surprisingly not as busy around lunch time, even though it was Friday. Other than a few customers, the only other person in the cafe was your coworker Wooyoung who was busy dramatically singing to whatever drama OST was playing over the intercom.
âAre you making it?â Felix asked, referring to his strawberry latte.
âI wasnât planning on it since Iâm not working.â
â... Can you?â
âAre you serious!?â
âThe last time someone other than you made my drinks, they tasted watery!â
He wasnât wrong - a lot of the baristas here were a bit lazy with the job. You and Wooyoung were among the very few who genuinely cared for the cafe, the menu, and its customers. You supposed you could take a moment to step away from Felix - you sort of missed the barista behind the counter, anyways.
âSit tight,â you told Felix, who obeyed happily at his favorite table.
Wooyoung with his cutesy cheeky grin chucked one of the ugly brown work aprons right at your face, to which you only whipped right back.
âIâm not working and you know that!â
âCanât a guy dream to have the same shift with his favorite coworker? What are you doing here then?â
âMaking a strawberry latte.â
âFor yourself or for His Highness over there?â
âDo you even have to ask?â
Wooyoung knew all too well what your relationship was like with Felix and that was because he was also one of the elite, also known as a trust fund son. Wooyoung and Felix were from the same side of a coin, reigning from families whose net worth could buy out entire towns. The circle of the elite had a lot of members, but it was tight-knit, so everyone knew everything about everyone else. You were included in Felixâs dossier.
âYou know, _____, you are your own person,â Wooyoung tisked as he hovered over you making the fruity drink. It was as simple as pouring milk over some strawberry compote (Felix liked it when there was extra compote) and shaking vigorously.
âYou telling me that whenever I come in with him totally makes it more valid than the last time.â
âYou know Iâm just looking out for you.â His soft fingers gently pinched your cheeks. âYouâre so sour today, I kind of like it.â
âArenât you known for liking people who have zero interest in you?â
âExactly, so you better watch your attitude or Iâll steal you away from Mr. Lee Felix ~â
âYouâre so weird!â Even so, Wooyoung stole a kiss on your bruised cheek before helping the customer at the counter. The aftermath left your face burning up, even though you were used to his flirtatiousness by now.
Of course Felix saw the entire interaction. Though he tried to hide behind his phone, he made sure to still have a view of whatever you and that spoiled âI-own-a-yachtâ Wooyoung were doing. You were much different around him than you were with that cheeky bastard behind the counter. With Felix, you were strict, quiet, and pouty, but with Wooyoung you were able to smile more and joke around and even laugh when you flicked whipped cream in his hair. In those short five minutes, that was a type of you he hasnât been able to see since high school.
But now? You were so cold and distant. He could barely hang out with you without it seeming like it was some business meeting. What changed?
Felix watched you walk back to him holding his pink drink with your cheeks to match its color.
âI didnât know you two were so close,â he said bitterly after you both exited the cafe.
âWe work together, of course weâre close. Youâre welcome, by the way.â
Youâll take his happy humming as he inhaled the latte as a thank you. âYou talk about how much you hate some of your coworkers all the time!â
âI guess I do⊠but heâs different.â
âOf course he isâŠâ
The handsome and pouty boy beside you did his best to ignore your accusing glare. âDo you have some beef with him, or something.â
âNo,â he said simply in between gulps. âI just donât like him.â
âYou donât like any boy I talk to.â
âExactly.â
âSo what happens when I really like someone? Do they need your âLee Seal of Approvalâ?â
âYup.â
You sighed heavily. âWhy do you enjoy making my life so hard?â
âBecause I love you, thatâs why!â
You couldnât count on all your fingers and toes how many times Felix has said âI love youâ since his birthday party. With his special day coming up again, the words hit harder than usual, even when you knew he was joking, but no âI love youâ hurt more than the first time he said it last year before he passed out on your bed.
Speaking of which, âSooo ~ Guess what next week is ~?â Felix sang cheekily after hopping in the car.
âUh, midterms week?â
âNo ~â
âBuy one get one free soju at the karaoke place?â
âNoâŠâ
âOh wait, isnât it Hanâs birthday next week?â He knew you were trying to push his buttons, but it clearly worked by the way he was glaring at you. âYeah, that must be it.â
âSo meanâŠâ
âAre you two throwing a joint party again?â
âYeah, but I think weâre skipping the club scene and throwing it at his house instead.â
âWow, the Lee Felix is tired of the club scene?â you scoffed. âNever thought I would see the day.â
âMaybe itâs just my eyesight getting worse - Iâd like to see who Iâm hitting on for once.â One sharp stab in your heart. âWill you help me plan?â
Did you really have any other choice? âOf course.â
âYes ~ Thisâll totally top last yearâs party!â
You sure hoped so, and you hoped you wouldnât remember a single moment of it.
--
Planning for the party didnât start until a couple days before the big date. Since Jisung was hosting, it was Felixâs responsibility to come up with all the decor and the theme and literally all the smaller bits and pieces of the party.
âHoney, Iâm home ~â Felix sang as he walked into your apartment. An aroma of fresh spices and cooked meat and roasted vegetables hit his nose upon entering. âWhoa, are you cooking!?â
âWe canât plan on an empty stomach,â you stated the obvious. Immediately, a bowl of rice and the fixings was handed to the grinning boy.
âI love it when you cook. I havenât eaten your cooking in a while.â
âI didnât know you liked my cooking,â you blushed. âI havenât cooked for you that often.â
âItâs because weâre both always so busy or we just eat the restaurantâs food when weâre lazy.â A happy hum came from his lips. âYou have a mad talent for this, you know.â
âDo I?â
âOf course! The Boy with the God Tongue himself said so!â Being the future heir of the countryâs largest restaurant franchise meant ridiculous chef-related nicknames, to which Felix enjoyed whole-heartedly. âYou know this means Iâm never going to let you leave YONGBOK.â
âCan you stop, youâre so embarrassing, itâs not that amazing!â
âYou stop! Quit undermining your talents.â
âIf itâs so good, what do you like about it?â
âFor one, thereâs tons of balance between the flavors. Itâs also not as salty, which is what some of the chefs in some locations are having trouble with lately. But the best part is that it feels like home when I eat your cooking.â
âLike home? Like⊠as if your in-house chef was cooking it?â
Felix chuckled cutely. âNo, I mean it feels like someone who loves me very much made this with lots of care.â
Youâre too stunned to say anything right away. It felt as if Felix caught you in his trap and was forcing you to admit something that he knew from the very start. But now was not the time nor was it the place. As a response, you turned away and chugged the rest of your glass of water.
âRight,â you cleared your throat awkwardly. âG-Glad you liked it.â
Felix wondered why you wouldnât look at him. âS-So, letâs get started?â
You took a bowl of food for yourself and refilled Felixâs before settling down at the table. âDo you have an idea for a theme?â
âOk, hear me out - casino themed?â
âIsn't that underage gambling? Sounds super illegal to me.â
âRight, right⊠Ok, how about, uh, a masquerade?â
âNot bad, but a little cliche, no?â
âBut itâs so sexy! Classy clothes, bejeweled masks -â
âChoreographed waltzing?â
âYes! For the first half of course, then weâll probably bump the real shit after a couple of drinks.â
âHm, I actually like that.â You entered the theme into your notes. âCool, we have a theme down. Now for all the decorationâŠâ
That itself took about an hour. Imagine, talking about banners and balloon arches, and personalized masks for a whole hour with the most indecisive human being alive. How heâs expected to make major decisions for a multi-million dollar company one day, youâll never know.
âUgh,â you were over it, at least for another hour. You couldnât take comparing different shades of gold and different grades of champagne anymore. Your couch was supposed to be your safe space away from Felix, but he followed you like a puppy and laid his head on your lap.
âThis weekend is going to be so much fun! Did you get me a gift yet ~?â
âUh, maybeâŠâ
âWhat is it?â
âItâs a surprise, silly.â
âCan I at least get a hint?â
âProbably the cheapest gift youâll get.â
âHey.â Felix silenced any doubt you had about your gift by taking one of your hands in his and holding it over his chest. He closed his eyes, tired from the day, tired by your constant doubts, tired of it all. âYou know I donât care about that kind of stuff when it comes to you.â
âI know, but I do.â
âWell, donât. My favorite gifts have always been from you.â
âEven more than the diamond chain from Chan?â
â... Your gifts are my favorite after that one.â Your free hand poked his freckled cheek, causing him to laugh and smile brighter than the sun. Lying here with you made him happy. âI miss hanging out with you like this.â
âWe hang out all the time!â
âNot like this. We never just chill out together and not worry about anything. Weâre always worrying about something, especially since we started uni.â
âUni sort of defines our future, so of course thereâs tons to worry about.â
âNot for me. My life has been predetermined. If you think about it, uni doesnât define your future, either.â
âI wish you didnât tell me that,â you groaned. âYouâre so right. Whatâs the point when the two of us are just going to take over our Fatherâs positions, anyways!?â
âDoes our future together sound that miserable to you?â he teased. You wished he didnât word it that way.
âNot miserable, but doesnât it suck that we donât have that sort of freedom? You and I have had our lives predetermined since birth!â
âPerhaps it was fate that you would be my Chancellor and I would be your King,â Felix snickered.
âCall it whatever you want, but whereâs the joy we could get from spontaneity and disorder?â
âGood point. But I think you and I will find that joy just fine.â
âYou think so?â
âMhm. Life will always be a joy if Iâm with you.â A tired smile spread across his lips. âYou and I make a disorderly pair.â
You and him were definitely a disorderly pair. It was like you two were in a modern-day forbidden friendship that was only seen in royal fairy tales. Felix was the Prince, the apple of everyoneâs eye, the boy with the highest ranking just below the King. You were the lowly common person who devoted their life to the castle and serving the royal family. Somehow, even with the drastic gap between your social classes, you both found each other and became inseparable.Â
Through childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood, the time spent together naturally formed your feelings for Felix to nothing less than love. You were the number one witness of seeing him laugh, smile, cry, and scream through all his happiness, sadness, and anger. You were the only one who knew the exact number of freckles that dusted his cheeks. You knew what specific snacks he wanted for certain craving occasions, his favorite orders at every restaurant, how he liked his instant ramen (with egg, American cheese, and green onions), and especially his cafe drink orders. When they say the way to a manâs heart is through his stomach, you supposed that was especially true for Felix.
After over twenty whole years together, how the fuck were you supposed to avoid falling in love? How were you supposed to look at Felix and feel with your whole chest that you were not madly in love with his beautiful face and his kind heart? When Felix told you he loved you with slurred words on his birthday last year, how were you supposed to let that go and live on like you didnât cry in the shower for a whole month afterwards?
You put the blame for the disorder in this messed-up friendship all on Felix, but you couldnât help but clean it up and do your best to keep it together. So when he forgot he said those magic words, you did your best to forget them, too, but the best you could do was bury the memory away and cover it up with work and school. It wasnât the most ideal way to deal with the issue, you knew that, but the important part was that it was working even if it was just a little bit.
Felix was the first to wake up the next morning. You didnât move a single muscle and ended up sleeping upright since he used you as a pillow. Still, your hand was in his and the other tangled in his messy blond hair and truly, being here with you was the only place that felt like home.
--
The day of the party was filled with chaos on your end, as you had to wake up at 6:00 am just to make it to Jisungâs pool house in time to set up the decorations for the joint birthday party. You ended up directing all the crews to where the cocktail tables needed to be set up, where the instagram photobooth should go, and where the Michelin-star chefs were going to set up for dinner. The most important part was the dance floor, which would be clean with nothing but some shoe scuffs for the first couple of hours and probably stained with different colors of liquor by the end of the night.
By noon you were totally wiped out having a stomach full of only coffee and a granola bar. The worst part was that you didnât get a chance to buy a mask yet and would probably have to settle for some cheap recycled paper with sequins and feathers glued on it from the birthday party store down the block.
But as if the Godsâ translated your feelings telepathically to Felix, your Prince in shining armor came to the rescue with a sandwich, more coffee, and something in a matte black gift bag. The gesture, though small, made your cheeks burn the brightest of pinks. It was your first time seeing and talking with Felix since he left the comfort of your lap a couple of nights ago. Although you were unsure of yourself (as with any situation, am I right?), the Prince didnât seem so phased.
âI figured you could use a pick-me-up,â he grinned brightly, handing you all the goods.
âYou are a blessing,â you sighed, chugging the iced coffee. âWhatâs in the black bag?â
âItâs a surprise. Open it.â
âI thought today was your birthday?â
âItâs nothing big, I promise!â
You shot him a skeptical look, but opened up the gift regardless. Inside was an intricately bejeweled mask for tonight, colored perfectly to match your outfit.
âI went to your apartment because I thought youâd be there,â Felix began shyly. âI went to your room and saw your entire outfit laid out, but no mask, so I figured you didnât have one yet. I bought one to match your outfit and to match mine! Mine looks exactly like that, but black.â
âYou really didnât have to,â you pouted, though staring at the shiny jewels adoringly. It was gorgeous and you never thought in your lifetime you could own anything so glamorous. The gesture lifted an extremely loaded weight off your shoulders and you couldnât help but hug the birthday boy as a thank you. âYouâre the best, thank you.â
âAnything for you, love.â
âAlso, please stop going into my bedroom.â
âWhat, afraid Iâm going to raid your panties?â
âYes.â
âThatâs fair.â
Felix spent the rest of the day helping you make the pool house perfect since it was also technically his job as the co-host. Holding the ladder while you hung up crystal decor was reminiscent of past Christmas parties that his family hosted. Your two families would come together and prepare the cookies, the eggnog, and the presents for the whole morning before the big party that started around dinner time, and you and Felix were in charge of the Christmas tree. Heâs not too big on heights, so he always made you hang the ornaments on the top layer. It was a very adult networking and old people gambling games type of party, so you and Felix would always sneak off into his basement and play video games or watch corny movies with a stolen tray of sugar cookies.
The Christmas before uni was probably the last one where you two felt like kids and didnât have to worry about what kinds of feelings would get in the way of your beautiful friendship.
âUgh, my calves are burning,â you whined on your way down from the ladder. Your legs gave out on the second step down and the weight of your tired body pulled you down, causing you to drop to your death from a mere five feet above.
Luckily, your Prince had quick reflexes and caught you bridal style. As kids, it was surprising when Felix could carry anything even half his weight with his twiggy arms, but the fact that he could hold you without struggling or even breaking a sweat was the closest youâve ever experienced a miracle.
A gentle, handsome smile came from his lips. âYou ok?â he asked in his deep voice.
No, youâre definitely not, but lying was ok in this situation. âF-F-Fine! I am fine!â
âAre you sure?â
âY-Yes! Uh, you can put me down nowâŠ!â
âHm, but I kind of like holding you like this.â You hit his rock-hard chest lightly, to which he recoiled dramatically before placing you down gently. âIs that how you thank your hero!?â
âThank you, My Hero.â
âThatâs more like it.â
It wasnât until around dinner time when you left Felix alone to be in charge of guiding all the caterers to their cooking spots while you sped home to get ready as fast as you could. You didnât want to leave Felix in charge for more than an hour, otherwise there would be more room for error.
You must have had such little faith in him because he did as was told without any issues and was done well before the party was going to start. He took the down time to put on his satin black suit and fix his blond hair before putting on the matching mask. While looking in the floor-to-ceiling mirror, of course he admitted to himself that he would be the sexiest one at the party, but something about the view didnât seem right. He didnât have you beside him hyping him up like always. The view in the mirror was lonely without you.
âGood job with the chefs!â you called into the dressing room unannounced.
Felix could see you jogging in wearing the full outfit he saw on your bed this morning, now complete with the mask he gifted you in the reflection of the mirror. The view of you was stunning, so much to the point that the Prince himself was too afraid to turn around and look at you with his own eyes. You reminded him of the story of Medusa, who would turn men into stone if they dared to look at you, and Felix thought that he was well past that point, already frozen in place with his jaw dropped and hands fixated on his crooked tie.
Luckily, you didnât seem to notice as you stepped in between him and the mirror. The feel of your knuckles brushing up against his chest broke him free of his frozen state, causing him to hitch his breath in his throat. It was very un-Felix-like to be this nervous, especially before an event that circled around him, but perhaps it was his sobriety that made him jittery.
âYou good?â you reciprocated after a long moment of silence.
Prince Felix cleared his throat before speaking. âYeah.â
âNervous?â
âI guess so.â
âWhat do you have to be nervous about other than being the center of attention in front of hundreds of people?â you teased lightly.
âItâs not like I know everyone, though.â
âWhat do you mean? You and Han invited all the people you normally party with.â
âYeah, but itâs not like Iâm friends with all of them. I donât hang out with them before 10:00 pm.â
Even behind the mask, you could tell his nerves were sincere. âAre you having regrets about this party?â
âI wouldnât say regrets⊠I donât know. Iâm sorry, I know you put a lot of work into this.â
âDo you not want to go -â
âNo! No, I want to go.â To ditch a party you worked on for forty-eight hours would be like slapping you in the face and he knew that. But he also knew if he said yes, you would follow him wherever heâd go in a heartbeat because thatâs how much you loved him. He cleared his throat once more. âWill you stay with me?â
You raised a brow, unsure if you heard correctly. âStay with you?â
âAs in, will you stay by my side tonight?â
âYou want me by your side the whole night?â Oh, how the tables have turned, in which Felix with his blushing cheeks couldnât look you in the eyes as he nodded shyly. It was hard to believe what you were seeing with your own eyes and you wondered if you were dreaming. âOk.â
âReally?â
Softly, you straightened his mask. âAnything for you, birthday boy.â
The anxiety from the claustrophobia of the party was replaced with the thought of being with you the whole night, but this is how heâd rather be. No longer did he want to stay in this room he filled with bad energy, so he took you by the hand and led you back to the main room where guests quickly filled in. Anxiety filled his chest again and you felt it through his hand squeezing yours tightly, as if afraid you would let go and slip away into the crowd where heâd never see you for the rest of the night. Youâre not sure whatâs gotten into him and you didnât want to make it worse, so you led him to the tables of food hoping he could fill the emptiness in hopes of loosening up a little.
Even while eating food, Felix refused to let go of your hand, so you had to act as his free hand and feed him gourmet finger foods.
âYouâre even more of a baby on your birthday,â you scoffed.
âBut you love babying me, right?â he teased.
âI donât know if âloveâ is the right answerâŠâ
The beginning of the night was nothing short of energy-draining as every single guest came up to greet Felix on his birthday and greeted you second. It was crazy that even in a room full of hundreds of peers, the crowd was still able to distinguish the birthday boys from everyone else, but you supposed it was easy because who else was blond and this handsome? The same way you looked at Felix, everyone else also had their eyes on him because he was truly that stunning in a crowded room.
It was occasions like these when you felt most out of place. You only âbelongedâ here because Felix was your ticket in, but you would never become one of the elite. You didnât have all the luxury of buying a new outfit or new jewels for every occasion like everyone else here. You were a simple person in your humble apartment living your predetermined life and getting by without any conflict, all thanks to him. That was what made you believe for twenty years that you had no right to fall for Felix the way you did - you were nothing more than the Kingâs hired Chancellor.
Even so, when the whole room was looking at him, he only looked at you.
The next song was a common waltz song that was played at every masquerade party on the planet. With a hop in his step, you found the birthday boy in front of you bowing with his hand still in yours.
âWill you dance with me?â he asked dramatically like he was playing a character.
âWhy, of course, Your Highness.â
Waltz dancing was definitely not the first talent youâd think of while wondering what Felix was good at, but to your surprise, it was like heâd been taking classes for years. You knew little-to-nothing about it yourself, but it was easier when your date took the lead and you didnât have to think, just follow. It was a ride, honestly, and you couldnât stop yourself from giggling, even when the dance finished with Felix dipping you, faces close and noses barely touching.
You hardly noticed his eyes shift to your lips in the midst of all the giggles. âWhen did you learn to do that!?â
âLast night,â he admitted sheepishly. âAre you impressed?â
âVery.â
âThen those three hours of Youtube tutorials were worth it.â
Your predicted cycle of food, dancing, alcohol, and back to food was correct. Several rounds lasted several hours to the point where you were at the perfect amount of tipsy, but still able to navigate, although if any more rounds of alcohol were going to happen, you might be in trouble. Keeping up with the birthday boy was so hard!
But you didnât mind, because the poison made you forget about how much you didnât belong there and swept any overreaction to Felixâs affection under the rug, though it was getting harder to do the latter, as each shot meant closing the distance between you and him. Somehow, you went from holding his hand to his hand never leaving your waste, with your bodies keeping close contact, a feeling youâve always been familiar with even when sober, but this time was different.
âSo,â he began in the middle of the dance floor. âWhen do I get my gift?â
âHow about after your birthday cake?â
âBirthday cake?â
On cue, the lights dimmed and the music stopped. Jisung found his way next to Felix and all the chefs rolled out a giant tiered cake with candles on it, cueing all the guests to sing happy birthday. You made sure to keep the design simple, but the flavors immaculate and matching the boysâ palates because that was the most important part. Even from afar, you could smell the chocolate.
You tried to step away from him so that he and Jisung could have the spotlight together, but even then he didnât want you to leave. He squeezed your side a little tighter, a silent gesture that said, âplease donât go.â
By now, you were starting to sober up a bit and that was a bad sign because now you were realizing that this whole night would be forgotten tomorrow, just like last year. Still, you stayed by his side because thatâs what he wanted.
Why it had to be you, youâll never know, but the feeling was too right to question it.
At the end of the song, the birthday boys blew out the candles and the cheers deafened your ear drums. What shocked you next was the feeling of soft lips on your cheek.
âThank you,â Felix whispered with so much adoration. âFor everything.â
Youâll never be able to recover from tonight. âWhy are you like this all of a sudden? Have you had too much to drink?â
A cute giggle escaped his lips. âNo, Iâm fine. This day feels extra special, thatâs all. Youâre the reason.â
Felix was such a smooth honey talker when there was a little something swimming in his bloodstream. You should know better not to take these words to heart, but you canât help it when theyâve all youâve ever wanted to hear. A repeat of last year was bound to happen any second.
You did your best to avoid the compliment. âDo you want your gift now?â
âOoh, yes!â
The gift was hidden in the room you find him in earlier today. You were too embarrassed to set it up next to the gift table that was dressed in bags with brands like Cartier and Gucci, so you stashed it away from the rest. The bouncy and excited boy had the widest grin on his face, impatiently waiting for you to present him with what you had.
âClose your eyes,â you demanded.
Felix held out his hands with his eyes closed and expected something small, like a watch or a cupcake or some plush toy that he could strap on his keychain, but instead nearly stumbled forward holding something as heavy as a textbook.
âOk, open your eyes.â
He wasnât too far off, actually. In his hands was a thick, heavy book titled âFelix & _____â that you printed out on an embossed label maker. Inside were infinite pages of pictures, stamps, receipts, travel brochures, foreign currency, movie tickets, anything and everything from most if not all the memories you spent together over the past twenty years. The first few pages were filled with old film pictures and polaroids you had to steal from your parents and the later pages progressively got more crowded with trinkets and things when you two were old enough to hang out on your own.
For a while, Felix was silent as he flipped through all the memories. There wasnât a smile on his face, no tears streaming down his cheeks, in fact he was emotionless and now you were confused. He told you he didnât care about money or the cost of gifts when it came to you, butâŠ
âYou hate it,â you stated rather than asking.
Felix looked up at you, completely sobered up, with the most incredulous expression. âOf course not,â he reassured softly. âI love it. So much. You saved all of thisâŠ?â
âI saved every receipt that wasnât smudged with barbecue sauce or oil and every movie ticket since the start. I had boxes full of it and I didnât know what to do, but I knew I didnât have the heart to throw it away, so I made you a scrapbook. It took forever, but luckily your familyâs historian captured a lot of the earlier stuff.â Felix was listening, but his eyes were fixated on the last page, where you pasted a single picture of a selfie you two took just a couple days ago. âHappy birthday, Felix.â
Flipping through the scrapbook made him realize that yes, so much has changed between the two of you. Thereâs so much growth and care and love in between the pages and the fine lines that isnât seen unless you look for it. As he looked at you, with your cheeks dusted scarlet and wearing your heart on your sleeve, perhaps him pretending he didnât tell you he loved you last year was what was slowly drifting you away from him, because how were you going to deny to his face that you didnât love him, too?
Perhaps it was best you would admit it to him on your own time. For now, he hoped a gentle kiss on your forehead would push you a little bit.
His rose petal lips left your forehead tingling. âYouâre the best. Thank you.â
When Felix tried to close the gap in between, you took a large step back. You couldnât look him in his eyes and now heâs confused and his heart hurts.
âWhy do you keep doing that?â you asked.
âDoing what?â
âHolding my hand, holding me, kissing meâŠâ
âOh, I thought you were ok with all of that.â
You take a deep breath. You canât let last year repeat itself. âYouâre wrong.â
âIâm wrong?â
âYou canât just do that whenever you feel like it.â
âDo what!?â
âPlay with my feelings!â You took another breath to calm you down and prevent anymore tears that were about to pool. âI have feelings, Felix. You canât just use me whenever you feel like it and take it all back like it never happened the next morning!â
âI have feelings, too. How the fuck else was I supposed to deal with the night I told you I love you and you didnât say it back?â
Youâre left stunned and speechless. Felix just admitted to you that he once told you he loved you. He didnât have to say when for you to know that he was talking about the inebriated self on your bed mumbling those three words as you tucked him in on his birthday last year.
âYou didnât say it back and I thought you didnât feel the same, so I pretended to forget all about it. But now I know you feel the same,â he begged desperately. âI just know. Tell me Iâm wrong, _____. Tell me Iâm wrong to think that after all these years together, I think you fell in love with me the same way I fell in love with you.â
You couldnât say anything. You couldnât admit that he was right because he was drunk then and heâs still a little intoxicated now. But even if heâs right, even though you both knew how much you loved every cell of Felix, what if all this sweet talk was brewed by the mix of drinks that settled in his core? What if he forgets again tomorrow and youâre left in a worse state than you were last year? What if the alcohol just jogged last yearâs memory that was stored deep in his cortex that only tequila was able to unlock?
The more you tried to make an excuse for it, the more ridiculous it sounded...
When you didnât say anything right away, Felix was sure if he had his ribs broken that it would hurt less than the pain he felt in his chest right now. But that wasnât your fault - nothing was ever your fault. This was all his doing because thatâs what Felix did best - screw everything up.
The blondâs once hurt expression turned to stone before he dropped the scrapbook onto the cushioned chair next to his belongings.
âMy mistake then,â he muttered before leaving you alone in the room.
âFelix, wait -â but it was too late, he was already out of the room to do something stupid to forget what just happened.
You ran after him, but the party room was so loud and dark and filled to the brim with guests that you couldnât find him. In a room full of people, you were always able to find Felix no matter what, but itâs like he changed the makeup of the atmosphere to make sure that wouldnât happen again for the rest of the night. You tried looking for blond locks from high ground, you tried snaking your way on the dance floor, you even checked the private rooms and menâs bathrooms in the whole house and none of them worked. You were afraid that after all the heartbreak, you wouldnât see him again for a long while.
You bumped into Jisung in an empty hallway, who seemed out of breath like he was running a marathon just now.
âYou have to come with me,â he gasped in urgency.
âWhat happened?â
âItâs Felix. Heâs about to race Wooyoung.â
Those five words sounded like a terrible ad-lib in the newspaper, but when you followed Jisung to the front of the pool house, lo and behold half of the guests were gathered around the two boys who looked like they were about to get into a fist fight. In Felixâs hand, you could see that he was holding the keys to his sports car that was already parked out front.
Wooyoungâs the first to see you run to them from the crowd, with Jisung following behind you. âHey, _____. Can you tell Prince Charming here that Iâm not about to race him and go to jail?â
âThatâs because youâre a pus -â
Jisung held Wooyoung back before he could get a swing in and you stepped in between. This was the first time you got a good look at his face, which was tear-stained and flushed red, all because of you.
âWhat are you doing!?â you muttered harshly.
âTrying to understand what you see in this guy. Itâs not his looks, or his brains. Canât be his car either, but I just wanted to prove my prediction just in case.â
His breath smelled like freshly poured alcohol. âDonât be ridiculous.â
âAm I ridiculous, though? I think I might be onto something when I said thereâs something that you see in him.â
âThereâs nothing, so can you please give me your keys so we can talk inside?â
âI donât want to talk to you anymore.â
Ouch. âOk, we wonât talk. Letâs do something else -â
âI donât want to do something else with you. I want to race and kick his ass.â
âYou want to crash and burn that badly?â Wooyoung screamed over Jisungâs shoulders. âFine, letâs drive!â
The crowd cheering only boosted Felixâs ego more, so he broke free from your wall and walked towards his car.
âFelix, donât do this!â you cried out desperately, and for a second you could see the hesitation, but it was easily overcome.
âIf you donât want to be here, then go home. I donât need you.â
The crowd oohed in unison and your left in the middle of the circle humiliated, watching the boy you loved the most get into his car and prepare to race your coworker. Thereâs a myriad of scenarios that fly through your mind of what could go wrong and youâre not sure if you should stay for the mess of the aftermath. But Felix said it himself that he didnât need you, so maybe you should follow his advice and go home.
If something were to happen to him and you werenât there to pick up the pieces and mend them back together, you would never forgive yourself. Your lifeâs purpose had always been to help Felix mend his pieces together whenever he needed it. But maybe this was his way of telling you that you were no longer needed for that - that you were free of all your duties as his personal fake secretary and since he thought you didnât love him back that you served no purpose to him anymore.
When Felix said he didnât need you, he meant that he didnât need you to be the person you always were. He didnât need you to be his babysitter trying to stop him from doing something stupid, he needed you as someone who wanted to stop him because you loved him and was afraid that heâd get hurt. And perhaps it was his mistake for saying it so harshly because you didnât bother to stop him after that. But it hurt him to his core that you believed him when he said he didnât need you anymore, that after twenty years you so easily believed that he could cut you out of his life, just like that. How many stupid mistakes could Felix make tonight? He was too far into this that he couldnât back out, so all he had to do was race and make it out alive to see you again.
From the rear view mirror, he saw your distant figure fade away with the night.
--
It has been a long sixty-eight hours and twenty-four minutes since you arrived home from the birthday party. Hermit crabbing for the first twelves hours was stressful - you couldnât sleep until 6:00 am, you only slept for a couple hours, you sent mass text messages to multiple people, including Felix, curious about his whereabouts and no one got back to you until twelve hours after that.
han solo [8:43 pm]: sorry darling, i like just woke up. heâs fine i guess.
you [8:44 pm]: what do you mean you âguessâ!?
han solo [8:44 pm]: i mean they both came out unscathed and his dumbass won so physically heâs fine! but he didnât seem too happy that he won. i think heâs back home with his parents atm.
That settled your racing heart only a little, but at least you knew he was fine physically, at least. Still, your hundreds of texts sent to him were all left on read, meaning he saw all your desperation and worry and didnât bother to ease any of it.
You couldnât eat for those long hours, but now it was getting unbearable and you needed to eat something. You had all the ingredients for Felixâs favorite soup, and as much as you didnât want to constantly remind yourself of him, you couldnât help yourself. The process was nice and slow, where you took extra care into washing the vegetables and bringing the broth to a gentle boil before dropping everything in. You could imagine the look on his face if he smelled what you made with your own hands.
Cooking for Felix was a very rare occasion because you were still self conscious about your abilities, especially as someone who was going to work for the countryâs largest restaurant franchise. But the times heâs tasted your creations, his reaction was nothing but sincere bliss, cleaning his plate or bowl or several every time. He was the only one who truly believed in your talents and far-off dream when your parents wanted you to follow your Dadâs footsteps. You always cared about what Felix thought about you and your actions and nearly everything, but what he thought about your cooking was one of the most important things and his constant support for your craft was what made you fall for him so much harder than you already did.
The aromas of the soup made you miss him even more. If you didnât hear back from him today, you were going to take drastic measures and find him yourself.
A quiet, eerie knock came at your door. You hesitated, wondering if you should just pretend you werenât home, but then a voice spoke up.
âI know youâre home,â Felix said. âI can smell you cooking my favorite soup.â
You dropped your wooden spoon and hurried to open the front door. Behind the door revealed a tired Felix with one bruised up eye and cut up lip. Though the tears quickly fell from your eyes and you covered your gaping mouth, he still gave you a weak smile in hopes of easing any worry you now had.
âI kind of need you,â he admitted softly. âI really need you.â
Speechless, you took Felix by the hand and sat him on your couch before grabbing your massive first aid kit. Heâs not surprised that you took him in with open arms without any hesitation because that was the kind of person you were. He loved that about you, but thereâs guilt in his heart because heâs the last person who deserves this treatment. He knew you didnât exactly forgive him yet because you still havenât said a word, even as you were wetting a cotton swab with isopropyl alcohol.
âIs it going to sting?â he asked. You didnât bother answering and let him feel the pain for himself. âMotherfucker!â
Through all the cleaning and wincing, though your facial expression didnât move much, a waterfall of tears fell from your eyes at a constant speed. Since you were kids, Felixâs Dad was big on spanking and physical discipline, but this was a whole different level than youâve ever seen before - this wasnât discipline, this was intentional. Even so, Felix still smiled, even through all the stinging.
âStay still,â you whispered, voice shaking. Your free hand held his face in place by pressing your palm into his nonbruised cheek. The wound still stung, but the wincing at least lessened. When the cotton swab dried up and you werenât sure what to do, Felix calmed your racing thoughts by placing a hand on top of the one you had on your cheek.
He liked the way your thumb gently brushed across his cheek. Your touch always left tingles in its absence.
âWhat happened?â you finally asked.
âDad found out about the racing because it was in the tabloids as âFuture YONBOK CEO Caught Racing Under the Influence. Is the Future of YONGBOK in Good Hands?â and, well, you know how that turned out.â
You said nothing while shaking your head. You took your hand back and stood up to get something and the fear of you leaving him again left Felix sweating and tears of his own pooling in his eyes. But you came back with a bag of frozen peas to press against his bruises and swollen lip.
âAre you hungry?â Felix nodded silently. âI made your favorite soup.â
âI know. Did you know that I was coming?â
âNo. I guess Iâm lucky.â
One of his hands is on top of yours holding the frozen peas and the other grabs hold of your other free hand. Felix wanted to hold you in every way possible, but for now this would have to do until you accepted him.
âYou know I love you,â he told you. âAnd you know I will always need you. Iâm sorry I pretended to forget about telling you last year and Iâm sorry if that made you think I was insincere the second time. But now you know for sure that I love you. Was I really that wrong to think you felt the same?â
âIt seems like you already know my answer.â
âI need to hear you say it.â
You sighed heavily. By now the tears had stopped, but you wouldnât be surprised if they started up again. This was the first time you would admit aloud that you loved the stupid boy who tried to hide his smile sitting in front of you.
âI love you, Lee Felix. I always have.â
âKnew it ~â he sang. âTell me when you fell for my handsome looks.â
âRemember Prom night?â
âProm night!? Seriously?â
âMy date standing me up and you offering to dance with me the whole night sounds like the perfect formula to fall in love with you, does it not?â
âI guess! I just thought itâd be longer than that!â
âIâm sure it has been longer than that.â
âReally?â
âProm night was just the point of no return - that no matter what I did, my feelings were absolute and I couldnât be in denial anymore. But I didnât feel any different⊠And thatâs when I assumed I just always loved you.â
âEven when I do stupid shit like this, you still loved me that much, huh?â
âEven with a busted lip, I still think youâre the most handsome.â
âThatâs what I like to hear,â he chuckled. âDo you know when I knew?â
âUh, last year?â
âNope. On your tenth birthday.â
âYouâre kidding.â
âIâm not. When you shared your birthday cake and gave me the corner slice with the most icing flowers on it, I knew you were the one for me.â
âCan you be serious for once!?â
âBaby, I am dead serious! Look me in the eyes - well, my good eye.â
âI hate you.â
âI know.â Felix pressed a long kiss to your forehead and then rested his own up against it. âIâm sorry for worrying you.â
âAnd being an ass.â
âYes, and being the biggest ass.â
You dared to kiss his lips, but just enough for them to touch, too worried about hurting his bruise. Felix didnât care - this was the only time youâd have your first kiss and he wanted it to be long and slow, putting his all into your very first kiss even if it hurt a little. His lips were hungry for yours and so were his hands, making you drop the frozen peas on the floor so he could pull you into his lap to deepen the kiss. Wandering hands traveled your waist and your own in his hair and all your worries about wondering if love was truly real melted away with every second. Even when you broke free to come up for air, Felix refused to loosen his grip on your waist, holding you so close that he buried his face in the nape of your neck. He short breaths tickled your skin and when you giggled, he peppered kisses all over. Your laugh was music to his ears.
âDo you forgive me?â he said in between kisses.
âMm,â you hummed. âJust donât leave my side again.â
âNever again. I promise you.â
âWell⊠Where do we go from here?â
âHm⊠I get to eat my favorite soup with the love of my life?â
âI like the sound of that.â
âAnd then straight to bed.â
âBut itâs only 9:00 pm?â A playful, naughty smirk spread across Felixâs lips. âLee Felix!â
âWhat!? I won the race, canât I get a prize!?â
âStop.â
Soup was always better with your love and a cup of frozen peas.
#lee felix#felix lee#skz#stray kids#skz felix#stray kids felix#felix scenarios#stray kids scenarios#skz scenarios#i wrote this in less than a week so if it sucks that's why#bleh finally a felix fic......................... it's been like a year LOL#ok lemme know how u like it mwah
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