I keep thinking about Merlin’s love for Arthur and how it’s so clearly portrayed in the show to the point that it practically drives the plot of the show. However when it comes to Arthur’s love for Merlin it’s more subtle and sometimes difficult to even grasp, and I started thinking why that was, aside from the obvious fact that Arthur has a lot of trouble expressing his emotions affection or otherwise. I think it also lies in the fact that Merlin knows Arthur intrinsically throughout the show; he is one of the closest people to Arthur, and sees him for who he really is. Arthur admits as much.
Sure, Arthur knows Merlin but the main part of the plot is that he really doesn't know Merlin. Merlin wants him to desperately understand him and “see me for who I am” but he can't yet. And I think this subconsciously creates a barrier in the way in which Arthur can care for Merlin, and how Merlin can let himself be seen by Arthur.
Which is why I think he was also so hurt when the magic reveal happens because more than the betrayal of Merlin having magic, it was the betrayal of Merlin not letting Arthur see him for who he really is and for hiding a main part of himself. Arthur says it himself “why did you never tell me” that’s what hurt him the most.
I think the most damning piece of evidence for this is the fact that while we see snippets of Arthur’s feelings for Merlin thought the show, the biggest signs are in the last episode after the magic reveal; in which he finally gets to understand Merlin, and this time REALLY know Merlin, and as the barriers of what held them back from understanding each other truly fall away, Arthur evidently “falls in love with Merlin all over again”. We see him actually express himself to Merlin.
This is another reason why I think if anyone was ever to create another season of Merlin after Arthur’s return, it’s physically impossible not to make it about Merlin and Arthur acknowledging their feelings for each other. Because there is no way forward without them acknowledging how deeply they care for each other, obviously anyone is free to argue what kind of love that is, but its impossible not to see the deep love there either way.
They always knew they loved each other, just maybe never realising how much and what that means, because its almost second nature to everything that they do.
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once again thinking about billy being good with the younger kids—
nancy calling steve up because her mom and dad made last minute dinner reservations and nancy and jonathan have tickets for this movie and this is the last night it’s showing and please steve, holly loves you! and she can hear steve pull the phone away a bit and it sounds like he’s talking to someone and then he says—
“it’s just— billy’s here.”
and nancy’s stumped for a second. because—
“billy hargrove?”
and before either of them can say anything holly’s all billy billy billy! i wanna see billy he’s the best! he does swimming and- and- and now i can do swimming!
and nancy is, once again, stumped because. really? billy? and she can hear murmuring over the phone for a minute more before steve says that they’ll be round in ten and the line goes dead and nancy’s standing there thinking, like- what? but also knowing that her mom would be happy for billy to look after holly because… well. anyway.
she turns to jonathan and he’s like so? and nancy nods and he grins and then she’s like yeah. billy’s coming too i guess and jonathan’s like yeah i guess that makes sense, he’s good with the kids, mom’s always saying and nancy’s like oh neat everyone’s joined the billy hargrove fan club suddenly but she concedes because they get to go to the movie etc.
ten minutes later the doorbell rings and it’s a weird sort of sight, steve and billy standing on her doorstep with an unnatural distance between them, like they’d moved apart the second before the door opened.
they say their hello’s and nancy invites the two of them in, tells them about dinner and bedtimes and then billy says something and suddenly there’s a blur of pink as holly runs full pelt around the corner and all but jumps at him, she’s talking non stop and tugging at billy to go upstairs and see her room because she needs to introduce him to her bears and show him her dolls and dolls house and—
nancy is, well you know it. and steve is looking sort of weirdly proud, a smile on his face as he looks at billy that feels private, like it’s something nancy isn’t supposed to see and she coughs. gets steve out of his little daze and her, steve and jonathan chat for a bit while billy gets the full tour until jonathan says about the time. nancy hovers by the door as they’re leaving and steve just smiles and says—
“we’re gonna be fine, nance. promise.”
cut to the movie finishing, it’s late and nancy makes sure to be quiet as she unlocks the door. she checks the living room but there’s no one in there. she goes upstairs and can see the light under holly’s door so she goes in quietly and is utterly thrown by what she sees. feels like she’s stepped into some sort of alternate universe, which isn’t really out of the realm of possibility, because—
holly’s in bed, fast asleep with billy sat up against some pillows to her left. there’s an open book in his lap and a steve harrington sound asleep to his left. steve’s face is hidden, sort of turned into billy as he lays on his side. the hand not tucked under him is entangled with billy’s and billy’s looking down at him when nancy clears her throat quietly.
she can see the brief panic when billy looks up, can see the way billy goes to move his hand but steve just frowns in his sleep and clutches tighter. billy’s face goes a little pink but she can also see him rubbing his thumb across steve’s knuckles, absentmindedly, naturally, like he does it all the time and—
oh.
nancy starts to put a few pieces of the puzzle together. a little late, maybe, but still ..
anyway. billy wakes steve up and they make their way downstairs, nancy’s slightly in awe at the way billy closes holly’s door silently and walks softly so as to not wake her up, considering it’s billy, and when steve and billy are leaving nancy stops billy for a moment with a hand on his arm, notices he looks panicked again so she just says a quick—
“thank you.”
and billy shrugs, says “‘s fine. she’s a good kid.”
and nancy’s like “yeah .. she really likes you. you’re, uh, you’re good with her, billy.”
and billy shifts around looking incredibly awkward, pink flush back on his face so nancy blurts it out—
“would you— you know if i—”
“you want me to babysit again?”
“mom will pay. obviously. i just— holly likes you. i think i might actually like you now.”
and billy laughs, suddenly. grins. it’s familiar, nancy’s seen this billy a thousand times. he says something about nancy paying for his company and risky business and nancy crosses her arms and rolls her eyes and huffs but it’s sort of fond, now.
now she feels like she understands him a little better.
now she’s seen the way steve and him look at one another when they know the other one isn’t watching.
“you need me, steve’s got my number.” billy says.
nancy nods and billy gives her a little salute, pops a cigarette in his mouth as he walks toward steve’s car.
nancy waves as the engine starts and she goes back inside, goes to her room and thinks about everything that happened in the past however many hours. the next morning holly is, of course, talking about billy non stop over breakfast and nancy has to agree, has to admit that he is one hell of a babysitter, which—
weird, considering. unexpected but, well— sweet. how holly talks about him, anyway.
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