#but im tired of feeling weird feelings over dumb shit | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bulbabutt · 10 days ago

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Thank you for being a bastion of sanity amidst the growing "but proshippers! But incest! But RPF!" purity culture's nonsense.

I'm so tired of being afraid to admit that I've even read a fanfic/fancomic because that same person might have a DIFFERENT ACCOUNT where they indulge in a problematic ship. And therefore they are "bad" and by association, I could be labeled "bad" for having looked at something completely unrelated and tossed on a block list.

It's asinine. Yet I'm too afraid to even get off anon because I know I don't have the mental fortitude to survive a potential online witch hunt.

So thank you, I wish you all the strength to keep screaming the words I cannot.

honestly youre not the first person to send me an anon about this, i just tend to feel just as afraid of responding to them as much as you are afraid of coming off anon. i think because while ill post things in vague context, it becomes another thing when someone says it out loud, yknow? but i appreciate it, knowing im not just screaming into a void where no one likes what i have to say.

i think what i will say is im not the only one who THINKS like i do, but i am just dumb enough to be loud and annoying about it. its kind of a thing where i'd never say anything specific because like... some people are so vicious and will demand blood if they get a whiff if i mention anything vaguely. the fact i have to be afraid to say 'people dont mind' for their own safety is crazy, huh?

i think that thing youre saying about being worried by association from association was the same first time i had this thought. i was reading something so good so deep something that effected me so deeply from how well it was talking about the realistic effects of incestuous abuse, and then i went to see what else the author had written and i was like. oh. theres just regular incest in here too. and that was kind of a moment of hm.. perhaps i need to think more about what really matters here. the fact i can engage with what i want and just say 'oh i see what else you do, thats not for me so i will just not engage with that'

so it hurts worse when theres the idea of someone engaging with art they like that has nothing 'weird' going on, then suddenly getting hit with screaming that that artist has a side account theyre not advertising where they make weird art that they are keeping FULLY separate from the account in question. like i do not see how that helps anybody in that situation.

then theres the generalization of it. the idea that maybe all you did was draw like. 19 yr old versions of two 15 yr olds kissing, and suddenly that gets you put on a list of people who will draw literal children in sexual situations, gets you put in that same boat without question. that shit is so cruel to me, that these things all get painted with the same brush. equally as bad, equally as deserving of being ostracized. or the idea that you get put on that list for not caring about if strangers ship things on the internet, makes you just as bad as someone who makes it. i really just hate this entire culture.

idk im... old school i guess? back in my day youd watch a shitty cartoon that had over 20 characters in it so you could smash them together in whatever ship suited you. crack ships were the bread and butter of me and my friends, shit that made no sense but in your own head. the idea of being anti... shipping at all is so... thats very weird. shipping as a thing is very much what fandom was ever made for in the first place? like. im not kidding, learn your history if you dont know that (middle age women shipping kirk and spock)

back when i was a kid i watched this tv show called kim possible, and i was a kid who didnt know shit about themselves seeing a pretty villain lady for the first time who called the main character who was a girl princess. i didnt know what to make of that, i didnt know the age difference between them i was a dumbass child, they were both drawn the same way! then im like 12 years old on the internet, i see theres a ship of the teenage girl and this like 30 yr old villain woman. do you think my 12 year old self saw the problematic nature and thought deeply about the morals of said ship? no. i was like 'holy shit i wish i was the teenage girl dating shego. why do i like this? oh god im a lesbian'

again. i was a child. what are you gonna do, go back in time and arrest my 12 year old ass for looking at pg rated fanart of women kissing on the internet? we didnt HAVE real representation yet! there was no korrasami, no rupphire, no bubbline, no lumity! shipping was the only place you could see stuff that was gay! and it being GAY would get you in more trouble than it having an age gap!

the fact is people WOULD cancel me now for that, wouldnt you?! thats where we're at. that IS a problematic ship, id be put on a blocklist in todays internet for being a child who crushed on villains. i didnt make it, i didnt create for it, i just looked at it and that would get you in trouble now!!! thats crazy.

i know thats a random tangent to go off on, but like..... hhhhh i dont know man. sometimes it seems like people want the internet to pass by broadcasting standards and practices and thats!!! bad!!! let people experiment with their weird shit as they figure themselves out, its so fucking normal. youre not a bad person for looking at things on the internet, youre not a bad person for engaging with things, youre not a bad person for being horny online! especially if you make your own fucking space for it?? a space easily blacklistable, with trigger warnings and EVERYTHING... we didnt have those when i was a kid, so some things are better, but culture is just worse.

i dunno. i just think i would not have thrived in this environment as a teenager. im glad im old and know better, but i worry about the lessons kids are learning from this. to feel ashamed, to bottle shit up, its not good for you. be kind to yourself, be kind to others. we're all working through shit in our own ways.

sorry for another long annoying post

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mutipede · 4 months ago

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whats yr experience w being a centipedekin? ough that sounds presumptuous im just wonderin what its like for you, i don’t see other centipedekin around a lot. u get any past memories? is it spiritual or psychological? (It’s cool if you don’t wanna answer any of that

Aaayy thanks for the ask! Shit I hope it's alright if I use this as sort of an excuse to ramble - does anyone else get that sensation like "I always think it's cool and fascinating when other people talk about themselves and are open about "weird" shit online but if I do it it's CRINGE" but if someone is interested then I have an excuse hah

It's actually been an interesting roller coaster over the course of my life, figuring that out. I knew I was a zombie way sooner (and that's sort of a… I think mostly psychological? I'm not 100% sure on a lot of terminology or how to explain my experience when it comes to stuff like this hah) but realizing the centipede thing is more recent. And technically they sort of overlap, like I'm not sure if I'm "actually" a centipede when strictly speaking it's more like "I'm a sentient teratoma mutated out of my own spinal column piloting my zombified body around like what would happen if John Carpenter's The Thing LOOKED like a centipede. But also at the same time I'm sort of a centipede."

…If that makes any sense. Which I know it doesn't, but I'm okay with that hah.

The interesting part is - when I was a kid, I was always into bugs, monsters and creepy/gross things. But my mom was also afraid of bugs, and especially centipedes. Like, a bad enough phobia she can't even say the word "centipede". Over time being around that rubbed off on me. But at a certain point, I went "…This is fucking dumb. I'm tired of being afraid of something that I'M not even actually afraid of it's just a contagious reaction caused by someone ELSE'S fear." So I worked on changing that and regaining my childhood appreciation for arthropods. And with centipedes, it was just like… something clicked. I started realizing I didn't just appreciate them for being cool, fascinating creatures (and honestly? Another connection I made was "I like horror movies and roller coasters and the experience of being afraid. I don't scare easily. Therefore it is cool and IMPRESSIVE that this animal made me afraid and makes so many people SO afraid.") - but I also realized that I related to them in a lot of ways.

I'm mostly carnivorous and pretty much entirely nocturnal. Many people seem to find me offputting for reasons that are out of my control and unrelated to my intentions. I feel most comfortable in enclosed spaces and I got that ADHD restless leg syndrome fidgety as fuck. I become uncomfortable in low humidity conditions lol

On top of that I'm pretty sure I've had uhhh - shit, I don't know the terminology I am brand fuckin' new to this as a community or things that other people/entities/stuff experience hah - but that thing where your perception of the shape of your own body changes. Shifting? Various varieties of experience of that. And finally, as a bonus, it sort of feels like some metaphorical healing from internalized self-hatred kind of thing. So that feels pretty nice.

#𓆨 #☣️#👁️

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sinswithpleasure · 2 months ago

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hey, sorry u gotta deal w the weird/dumb asks, sometimes when I read asks that authors answer to, they make me wonder if they're the same person or if ppl r just tolling. hope these ppl are able to find some creativity or ability to put their thoughts into words better soon. :/

anyways, karina looked so good at the milan fashion week. couldn't help but think about bodyguard!reader au w her. like imagine trying to keep ur eyes on the crowd around her instead of at her. karina always teases you about catching you trying to sneakily try to catch a glimpse/check her out no matter how many times you claim it's to make sure nothing is on her or it's because "that guy's hand was getting a little too close to her ass" or something.

man, imagine becoming like her personal bodyguard or being requested to work with her closely more often because she's thinks you're funny and/or good eye candy esp when she's tired of being surrounded by creepy ugly ass old men all the time.

random fic idea: you're standing in front of her changing room behind the scenes or something after a fashion show because she asked the crew if she could try on some of the dresses and other clothes she thought were really cute during it. most of the people, are gone and the few people left were those that were cleaning and packing the last of the shit up. so when a muffled scream for your help comes behind the door, you rush in thinking that someone may have snuck in somehow and waited to prey on her. however, all you find is karina practically naked and you instantly turn around beet red, stuttering out many apologies. all you hear is the clack of heels getting closer to you and no reply, but then you feel her chest press up against your back. she's giving you a backhug and feeling you all up. "k-k ka-arina-ssi, what are you doing?" "yah, i told you so many times already to call me jimin noona when we're not in front of the public, you don't have to be so formal and professional, you know?" (noona bc im younger than her and there isn't enough younger male reader fics out there. fuck, i love women older than me and like, there's just smth abt calling a older woman noona that's just so fucking hawt)

akjsdhfajs sorry if my grammar is shitty and if there's run on sentences lmao head empty,,, only karina. man, i can't stop thinking abt how pretty she would look while you fuck her pussy raw from behind. in front of a mirror with her pretty back all arched and big tits jiggling from each loud thrust against her soft supple ass cheeks.

could i be 🦈anon if you're accepting anons and if it's not already taken? :3 hope u have a great day/night btw!

Hi 🦈 anon!

Are you a psychic? It's not bodyguard, but you're sooooooo close....

I think it's so her to use her body ever so slightly to tease the guy she thinks is cute—if she already has a revealing dress, you know she'd go ahead and just bend over slightly so her poor target has nowhere else to look but at her chest.

God, she'd let all that tension simmer until she can get her man alone with her in a changing room, and whew, it'd be hard to keep quiet from there 🫣.

Doing her in front of a mirror would kill me, by the way. You're sooooo brilliant with that image.

Thanks for the ask <3

Sins.

#asks #sins 🦈 anon

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lustbile · 11 months ago

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hi :)

I’m typing this all at like. Almost 11 at night so excuse me please if it’s at all rambling or weird idk. I just felt like since it’s been over a year since I genuinely posted anything I need to say some stuff about me just going ghost.

So hi :) to old and the somehow new followers I’ve accumulated. How are all of you? I missed you all and this account a lot and I feel really shitty just kind of abandoning it the way I did so I think it’s time I give some explanations? Or like… I don’t know, life updates? Which feels weird to say considering I’ve always been very anonymous on this account, which I will continue to do in this so. Please enjoy some basic info about my life

1) I graduated college :) Which I think was a huge part of why I had to abandon this account for a minute. Those of you who are unaware, I was a studio art major, and if you think that studio art is an “easy” major you’d be wrong! That shit kicked my ass like no other. “Art school” just used to be old rich dudes giving a little freak some money and told him to paint or sculpt some dicks and god do I wish that was how it still was. I had to like, come up with concepts and reason behind my work, and create a shit ton of it to. I put my entire soul into that shit, defend the hell out of it in critiques, and my final work means so much to me. If I wasn’t anonymous on here I’d without a doubt post it because. It truly feels like I ripped out my little dumb heart and put it on paper/canvas

But with that, I’ve had to become real adult :( I’m doing what I can to make money off my work (which is going better than imagined) while also doing some part time work. It’s great, but very tiring.

Also 2) (this part will be short I swear) I have a long term partner now. I won’t say exactly how long we’ve been together, but I do live with them. And as weird as it may sound, I’ve never told them about this account or my writing. They know I like kpop, but not this side of it. And I think part of me is still weighing my emotions towards writing smut about kpop idols while being in a committed/monogamous relationship. But I digress.

3) With how busy I became around the time that my posting schedule really took a hit, I’ve also just fallen away from kpop :/ I still listen to the music and watch music videos and stuff. But the fandom side and the non music related videos, I completely lost on that now. And I don’t like that. Being into kpop made me really happy and I liked watching boys be silly. But it just feels like I’ve missed so much now. I like a lot of groups, but more than anything, I miss nct so much :( I don’t even know what they’re really doing now. I know some of them will be entering the military soon so I feel like maybe the fandom will slow down, and as someone who used to run a 5sos account, I know what it’s like to just feel like a fandom is dying. And idk. I doubt kpop fandoms are like that but. Okay yeah now im rambling anyways!

This is all to say, I miss this part of my life a lot. Keeping up to date with music, watching funny videos of my boys, talking to you guys, and writing. I still have so many stories half finished. So many ideas that im just so disappointed didn’t see the light of day. Maybe I’ll get around to it again, but im not exactly sure if/when I’ll be in the headspace to write smut. Which I know, I can write without involving smut. But some of my ideas kind of needs it I think? And if im being honest, would anyone read my stuff if there wasn’t smut in it? Idk and I don’t know if I want to know.

Anyways if you’ve read this, thank you but like also. Im so sorry about how much there is lmao. If you want to send me a message please do. I don’t know if I’ll respond to what’s in my inbox now, since I just feel like I waited to long and I’d feel like a dick responding now. But I promise to keep an eye out. If you just want to say hi or just update me on what been going on in nct (please I want to get back into nct even if it’s not for my writing). If you have any questions for me I’m here :) and just as dumb as I was when I left. And I would recommend the inbox more than anything. I get really anxious with dms and I’m horrible about keeping conversations going there, so my inbox is really the best. I won’t promise I’ll get to it like, the second you send it, as, awhile ago I turned off my notifications for tumblr. 1) because sometimes the notifications were cringe lmao. Like I’m very liberal with who sees/handles my phone and some of those notifications were clearly for fanfiction and I don’t need to be exposed like that lmao. But also because I started getting very, very anxious about how many notes/likes a fic got and how quickly and it just was so bad for my mental health. But that’s not the point.

The point is, I’d love to hear from any of you guys again, be able to talk about kpop and just shoot the shit. Which if I’m not writing (for now, we’ll see about the future because those old ideas are still gnawing at my brain) I understand if the traction and interest in my account has worn off. But either way.

Hi :)

#putting this under a read more because it’s longer than I intended #and also some of you won’t care #and that’s okay #just needed to say some things :)#and uh if you see any typos umm no u didn’t #anyways <3

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prager-lover · 1 year ago

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Recom Prager x F!Recom!Reader

I got so damn bored also this is my first time writing for a Recom, i've been obsessed with them since I saw the second movie. Feel free to send me hc or fic ideas for the recoms cuz I love them so much.

When you cant find the fanfics you want, write em yourself

Content overview: Swearing, reader is straight/bisexual(says they like men, doesnt specify if they are straight or bi), cringe fluff, Prager being dumb (i love him), Prager being a little nerd that can't talk to women, awful writing get over it this is self indulgent

Word count? Dont know. A lot. Ignore how bad my writing is

Pandora, twenty years later.

Being woken up in this new big blue body kind of threw you for a loop. Years ago, we were fighting these giants and now you were them. What the fuck. The first face you saw was Lopez and Christ Almighty he was the wrong person to see. All up in your face, the blue Latino was yelling, probably running off an adrenaline high.

"AYE COÑO WAKE UP"

Prompting you to shove him away and jump off the gurney, backing into a corner. Other large blue bodies closed in on you, yelling to calm down. You took the time to realize they were Marines. Your friends. You calmed down when one of the Na'vi that looked alot like your old friend Ja started talking. He started explaining that you guys were recoms, you'd died and now you're back.

Well Shit.

Y/N's Pov

It's been a few months since I woke up as a Recom. Thankfully, everyone seems to have adjusted. Lyle is still an idiot, flirting with every breathing thing at Hellsgate (Im pretty sure hes even tried making passes at the Colonel). Being in this new body is actually pretty cool once you get used to it. The stripes and shit look awesome. Besides, the improved strength is nothing to sneeze at. When we're not out trying to find Sully, I spend almost every free minute in the gym, or at least outside trying to do something active, any chance to be around my friends. I'm glad Ja is here, back when we were humans, he was my damn rock. Always there with a joke and a smile, it's nice to be so comfortable with someone, considering theres only a few of us recoms. Everyone else on base is either a scientist trying to probe me, or some puny human that jumps a mile high when I go in a room. Tiresome.

There is a new guy though, Prager. He was in the room when I woke up, wide eyed and ready to hold me back if it was needed. Not so good for first impressions. Ja gave us a formal introduction afterwards. Apparently him, Brown, and Ja were pretty good friends. His facial features did look kind of familiar, I probably saw him around base a few times. I can't lie, he was kind of striking. In a weird way. He looked so tired all the time. We got to talking, and eventually became friends as well. He was reallyyy into working out. It was kind of obvious, Jesus his muscles were big. Kind of muscles that you just wanna smack. It started with us running into each other at the gym, polite "Heys" and "How're you?" but after a while we started working out together. He'd spot me on the bench, making it kind of hard to concentrate when he's standing right on top of me. Almost dropped the weight a few times. We'd hang out together for a little bit, going outside on the basketball courts and watch animals flying around, and sometimes when it would be near eclipse, we'd stay and watch. We'd both be hungry, and sometimes he'd forget a snack so I'd bring extra protein bars I snuck from the mess hall. Sometimes when he'd turn away I'd look at him. He was pretty, especially in this lighting. Very soft and relaxed, unlike when we were on missions. When it was just us, no Ja or Lopez coming around the corner to tackle him, he'd let his face fall or just close his eyes. Call me delusional, but I swear he did the same to me. I'd turn my head around and catch him quickly turning, light purple blush spreading across his cheeks. Cute.

3rd person Pov

"Hey, Y/n, wait up!"

Y/n turned around, smiling when she saw Prager jogging towards her, green headband ties swaying behind him.

"Damn girly, what happened to waiting for eachother?" He said, feigning hurt while slightly out of breath.

"Sorry man, maybe you're just too slow. Pick up the pace." She joked, lightly punching his bicep, being met with pure muscle. God Damn. He wont admit it, but that touch sent butterflies right to his stomach. He'd been harbouring this crush on Y/n for months now, and everyday it seemed like it went deeper. Ja would groan loudly when Prager brought up y/n for what seemed the thousandth time that day.

"Just stop being a pussy and ask. her. OUT." He'd say, enunciating the last 3 words with smacks on Prager's head.

"I know but what if she says no, I'd rather get trampled by a direhorse." He lamented, throwing himself onto a bunk like a melodramatic Disney princess. Ja just decides to give up.

Y/n and Prager started their typical workout routine, stretching, muscle building, then cardio if they could bear to look at a treadmill or bike. They didnt talk much during their workouts, mostly shared smiles or raised eyebrows. It was late now, the workout was probably 3, 3.5 hours. Too long. They left the facility, heading out to the basketball courts to cool down.

Y/n's Pov

Fuck. Too long. Way too fuckin long for a workout. I should be used to it at this point, i'm a damn marine but it was too much weight for too many reps. I think Prager feels the same way. Everything feels too light in my hands, the dumb bells ghost weight still pulling my arms down. One upside, Prager still somehow looked good. I'm not sure how its possible but the man just looks handsome without trying. Pisses me off to a point, he probably doesnt realize how good he looks to me right now. Asshole.

We stopped in our tracks and flopped to the ground.

"Fuck almighty." He groans out, sprawled out on the concrete, tail flicking lazily next to him.

"Yeah, you're telling me." I say, sitting down next to him. "It's gonna be a pain in the ass to get up tomorrow."

We sit in silence for a while, just soaking in the fresh and cool air. Thats the beauty of Pandora, all this beautiful scenery, nature preserved and fresh air not polluted by billions of people over-populating the planet. Sometimes I don't like what we're doing here. General Ardmore, all the other humans. We're going to fuck up this planet, just like we did our original one. Prager must have noticed my shift in mood, my tail flicking around, agitated. He sat up on his elbows looking at me.

"You alright there?" He asked, big ol eyes looking up at me. I was knocked out of my trance.

"Yeah i'm good, just thinkin'."

He was about to reply when a loud laugh erupted from the side. There was Lyle, hands on his knees while Z-dog was wiping tears from her eyes. Of course. Those guys were inseparable. And insufferable. Lyle would always be giggling about some stupid shit. I love that bald bastard but when you're trying to unwind it can get on your nerves. Prager and I shared a look. Yeah, he knew. We both started laughing, somehow our two voices still overpowered by Lyle's hacking guffaw across the courtyard. We watched them walk off, Z-dog clapping his back.

"Do you think they have something going on?" Prager asks me. I was taken aback. He said it so nonchalantly, but I never would have thought he was one for gossip.

I chuckled as I answered. " I really doubt it, I think Z-dog's gay. Never seen a girl that looks like that without an ounce of fruit in her. Never knew you were a gossip queen Prag, didn't know you had it in you." I raised my eyebrow suspiciously at him. He threw his head back laughing softly, his Adam's apple withing perfect striking distance. Why did I think about that. We were quiet for a few seconds. when suddenly;

"Are you gay?" He was looking at me again. The question was so quiet I thought I misheard him for a second. Again, taken aback.

"Uh, no. No, I like guys."

He let out a breath of relief. "Oh thank god."

What the fuck. I started laughing. Loud, violent laughs as he quickly gets from his comfortable position, obviously panicking from what he just said.

"Wait wait wait no I- no no I didn't mean it- well I didn't mean it like that no no you got it all wrong." He was shaking his hands at me, cheeks blushing a deep purple. I was rolling on the fucking ground. my sides hurt from how hard I was laughing. I tried gaining composure, but his stupid handsome face was looking at me with a panicked face and I came undone again.

"did-didn't know you didn't agree with-" I hiccupped. "-that sort of lifestyle Prag." I was still giggling when he got louder.

"Wait wait NO I didn't mean it like- like that no no it's- no I have gay friends and stuff-" Again I lost it. His ears were pinned back against his skull, tail swishing adamantly behind him, pupils big.

"No no no no no no no I just meant it like I like you so I hoped you didn't like girls cuz that would suck cuz I like you and I don't want you to not like me..." He covered his face with his hands, mumbling after that sentence. What he said, I don't know but I think it was along the same lines. All that was replaying in my mind was " I like you"

Prager liked me? ME? I turn so I'm Infront of him, he's still babbling on and on, incoherent.

"Prager.."

"I'm sorry I don't know why I asked that-"

"Prager."

"I know I know I'm sorry I can just go I'm sorry I don't know I just got nervous I'm sorry."

Fucking Christ he was cute. I grabbed his wrists, yanking his hands away from his still blushing face.

"PRAGER."

He looks up to me so mopey, poor kitty cat with his ears drooping. I couldn't stop myself. I kissed his nose. That shut him up.

"Prager, I like you too."

He's looking at me with his mouth half open. Idiot. His hand reached for mine, holding me tightly.

"You do?" He sounded so small and helpless, like a kitten.

"Yes, you fucking dipshit" I said with a toothy grin.

His shoulders slumped over and he leaned into me, crushing me in a hug.

"Thank god oh my god you had no idea how long I've wanted to hear that thank GOD-"

I kissed his nose again. I'm finding this to be a very effective way of shutting him up.

"Maybe ask me out now instead of rambling."

He grinned at me. We left the courts a few minutes later, I reached to hold his hand and he took mine gladly. He dropped me off at my room.

"Night y/n, see you tomorrow." He beamed down at me, his ears perked up and tail moving quickly.

"Goodnight hotshot."

Prager scampered off. He felt like singing but he knew no one around would appreciate it, so he settled with whistling. The man wanted to fucking skip. It was obvious to Ja, who was playing cards with Brown and Lopez when Prager came in, that something good had happened.

"Prager? You alright man?" they all turned to look at him, his usually tired looking eyes bright and wide open.

"This guy on meth or something?" Lopez muttered.

"No no nothing like that I'm just a happy camper fellas."

Ja figured it out.

"No..."

"ohhh yes."

"NO."

"YES."

"YOU ASKED HER OUT?"

"FUCK YEAH."

Loud noises, Brown whooping and Lopez hitting Prager's back filled the room. Ja tousled up Prager's hair, laughing at his scaredy-cat friend's (Long overdue) courage. They made him stay up and tell them all the details.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Is this my best work? probably not. But I am both sleep deprived and Prager content deprived so let me live my life. I'm living for the recoms right now. tell me what y'all think bye have a nice day

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ohnaaahhh · 16 days ago

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I met a watered down version of Nathan Bateman

yall i was talking to a guy who was acting exactly like nathan from ex-machina....YALL HE GOT ME PISSED OFF we wasted two weeks talking about his smartass being in engineering thinking he was all that like youre just a year in uni and you told me youre struggling and have no motivation and now you think youre better than me like EXCUSE ME?!?!?

Then we were argue about looks when i nicely told him he should invest in beard oil bc it was messy ash like a pirate from 1600s had better care of his beard than him and he also said a lot weird shii like "Oh ppl say i look scary and intimidating especially at night like imagine how youd feel if i was walking behind you at night". I was fr annoyed with his bs and i straight told him id smack the shit out of you cause im too tired to deal dumb shit like that

Coming back on the beard thing, So that guy took it real bad and he said he didnt need it and he used to repel "distractions" to focus on himself (aka girls...mind you we are both in the same religion and hes trying to look more religious than me) that shit lowkey pissed me off so i said you didnt need the beard in the first place to get rid of "distractions" your face is doing the job already

(He was kinda cute tho if he fixed his hygiene and in gen I like guys with beards bc of oscar isaac hes literally my blueprint for my man)

(And back on the religious thing and the distractions part....I went through his following and 40 percent of the acc that he follows are girls hes mutuals with and 20 percent is like those priv of half naked girls so talking religion after all that shit in your following is craaazzyyy)

he went straight to my looks calling me whitewashed and ugly like what? just cause I did a kissy face as the first slide of my post and the fact he took the damn time to take a ss of my post and sent it over in our convo then i jokingly said "oh i look great on your phone" but atp idgaf if that shit was off putting and cringe CAUSE I WAS SO DONE WITH HIS STUBBORN RUDE ASS

So in summary... I dont fw guys who act like Nathan Bateman yall are NOT HIM!

#ex machina #nathan bateman #nathan bateman x reader #I hate talking stages #fuck Instagram #oscar isaac #oscar isaac characters #oscar isaac hernandez estrada #need that

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ourflagmeansgayrights · 1 year ago

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Hey! On your poll I was going back and forth between yes and secret third thing BECAUSE I do think Izzy displays homophobia in the show. However, I interpret the incident you referred to as mostly misogyny i.e. that "real men don't show feelings." I think the derogatory words and actions towards Lucius and Stede are way more homophobic, but they're connected for sure.

I think the emphasis on boyfriend is making fun of him for being emotional that a man he loves isn't there and he wanted to remind him that (to Ed's understanding) Stede didn't care enough.

Tldr - izzy is homophobic for reasons outside of this scene, but his gorilla grip on societal standards of men bleed into his view of queer men, especially those who aren't "masc" enough for him

anon my beloved i must apologize in advance bc i had a very weird and emotionally draining day today and i am very tired right now. so i don’t know that this is going to be coherent. but also i like this ask and i want to say words about it before that poll expires tomorrow so i’m just gonna slap some shit together here and hope it makes sense

so first thing’s first, i definitely agree that izzy does homophobia all over the show. the reason i picked out this scene and that line specifically is because imo “pining for his boyfriend” literally sounds like a dumb middle school boy bullying his classmates on the playground. which is to say that it sounds like the most simple-minded homophobic taunt in the world. like i always think abt this scene in the last season of the magnus archives when the main character and his boyfriend roll up to some dumb meathead bully type who goes “who’s this, your boyfriend?” and the whole fandom was like “wow i can’t believe this guy is homophobic.” bc even if the bully is literally correct and the guy is actually his boyfriend, saying “boyfriend” in that tone is saying “boyfriend” like it’s an insult. which, clearly, is homophobic.

so yeah mocking ed for the pining bit is kinda more on the “boys don’t cry” misogyny side of things like you said, but the way izzy tilts his head and draws out the first vowel in “booooyfriend” to me reads like the single most straightforward and undeniable instance of izzy being homophobic in the entire show. bc even if (and this is a big if) izzy doesn’t actually care abt ed having a boyfriend and is just trying to goad ed into being blackbeard again bc izzy needs blackbeard to feel safe, the way izzy is choosing to go about bullying ed into being blackbeard again is through grade school level homophobic taunting.

however you are not wrong that there is also misogyny going on in that scene. and that is because these things are all so deeply intertwined it’s impossible to say where one ends and where the other begins. and this is where i don’t think i’m going to be able to maintain coherency lol but i’m gonna do my best!!!

like the thing with homophobia is that at it’s core, it’s about men not doing gender right. bc gender roles in western society are a fucking shitshow and the expectations for how men and women are supposed to behave extend into every facet of people’s lives. like we all know the basic “boys don’t cry, women are caretakers, men are tough and macho, women are soft, men are hard, etc etc” stuff. but one of the biggest areas where society has strict expectations of how men and women should behave is about sexuality.

men are expected to be attracted to women, obviously. but also men are often expected to be overtly sexual. having a high sex drive is tied to many guys’s concept of their own masculinity and their sense of personal identity. like this should feel like common knowledge right, the idea that some guys build their identity around “getting bitches” or whatever?

(the societal expectations for women and sexuality are a whole other shitshow that people have written entire essays and articles and books on, but im not gonna get into that here bc we’re talking abt ofmd, and this show is focusing on challenging society’s ideas about what it means to be a man)

the other thing with gender roles, and with male gender roles specifically. is that of the two genders that western society has expectations for, manhood is seen as superior. so when a guy is unable to perform masculinity to society’s standards, he is seen as less than a man. and what’s less than a man?

a woman.

men who fail to adhere to a certain expectation of masculinity are insulted by being likened to women. it’s why guys will literally say “don’t be such a girl about it” when another guy gets emotional about something. hell, it happens to stede in the show!! calico jack calls him “the big gal,” the british describe him as “a heavyset woman in a silk dressing gown.” stede is someone whose gender presentation does not match what is expected of him At All, from his clothes to his crying to his picking flowers to just his mannerisms and how he is. and stede has faced constant ridicule because of this.

so like. it all gets real tangled together. and a lot of the time it’s hard to say which is “more” present, homophobia or misogyny. insulting a man by calling him gay, insulting a man by comparing him to a woman, those things go hand in hand. having a gorilla grip worldview on how men “should” behave leads people to policing how men, both cishet and queer, perform gender and experience attraction.

so like, izzy’s general vibe of not caring if ed has gay sex, but absolutely caring if ed bottoms during that sex and caring if ed actually falls in love and cares about a man? that concept of masculinity, which calico jack is also shown to adhere to? homophobic. just like how his treatment of stede and lucius for being “less masculine” is homophobic.

#ask #anon #mine #txt #og #ofmd #ofmd meta #our flag means death #izzy hands #izzy critical #s1e10 #this post is barely even about ofmd anymore lol #i’m sorry i have no idea if any of this makes any sense at all i am so fucking tired rn #also my throat hurts from yelling ahahahaaa

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aroacesigma · 1 year ago

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do you have any sigzai hcs (or just hcs about sigma or dazai separately)

you're going to regret asking this . headcanons under the cut cause im gonna feel annoying otherwise . most of them are what i headcanon as happening like post canon in a nice world where everyone is alive and happy lol

sigzais <3

ok so to me they are THE transmasc qpps ever . i might be projecting a little but both dazai and sigma are both so transmasc to me. on one hand you have sigma who wears 10 billion shirt layers and a long ass coat and goes on and on about being an ordinary man, and then on the other hand you have dazai who also wears clothes like that and bandages over his chest

hc sigma as oriented aroace with ???? orientation . hes just very confused . theyre so confused . and dazai as bi aroacespec and not particularly averse to any stuff just doesnt feel the attraction most of the time

poor sigma has spent all this time around fyolai like 'god why the fuck are people like this' and then he meets dazai and is like ohhhhhhh. oh .

when sigma joins the ada (and they will u mark my words) him and dazai end up sharing an apartment

at first dazais excited because maybe he wont be living off horrible cooking

unfortunately sigma also cannot cook for shit . he fucking sucks . legitimately the only thing he can cook is cookies in a packet mix .

sigma is unfortunately going through the same phase that kids of controlling parents go through when they finally get freedom, which is making a bunch of stupid decisions . dazai , being the wonderful boyfriend he is, is encouraging all the dumb decisions because he thinks its funny

most of their dates is just going to cafes because sigma has the worlds most horrendous sweet tooth and sigma has no moral objections to guilt tripping him into it

despite being pretty bad at it themself, sigma has a tendency to hit dazai with a pillow until he takes care of himself

vice versa dazai will be a distracting little bitch and wont stop if he thinks sigma is overworking himself

sigma

he/they sigma is so real to me btw just need everyone to know this . they like messing around with neos as well sometimes i think

even though he's pretty much always tired , isnt really a huge fan of coffee , definitely prefers really fancy tea and energy drinks

decided to run with the whole purple thing cause of his hair , abolutely loves the colour. anything he owns is purple if they can get it .

smiles all happy while listening to music in a way that makes you think its something nice . its not . his only musical requirements are loud and screaming to drown out the Anxiety™

not my headcanon but i saw someone say once that they headcanon that occasionally people get an uncanny valley kinda vibe from looking at him cause of his weird origins and honestly i think thats pretty interesting

very happy to join the ada . not quite as impressed by the paycheck .

like , really not impressed by the paycheck . theyre struggling with the dwindling clothes budget . i can totally see him trying to decide whether he wants dinner or new earrings . and probably picking the earrings .

they get along with everyone at the agency really well . a few people dont really trust him straight up but atsushi and dazai vouching for him shuts that down relatively quickly

he gets along the best with atsushi

they have a friendly rivalry with kunikida . agency productivity going straight up just because those two keep trying to outdo each other

dazai

100% has multiple troll accounts online . he enjoys being a menace . not in the mean way , in the absolutely fucking infuriating kind of way

remained in denial (or more oblivious really) about being trans until he was 16 because he asked chuuya if everyone felt like that one time and chuuya was like well yeah (also trans and stupid)

on a related note (this one is kind of about dazai and chuuya but it still counts) mori was kind of like ohhh teenage boys are so much easier to deal with right ? kouyou decided it was best not to inform him that hrt gives you mood swings .

adhd. adhd. adhd.

hes a candy crush mum . its a problem .

eats everyone at the ada's food . but he doesnt eat the whole thing he'll just take a bite . its high up on kunikidas 'things that make me want to string dazai up by his legs and attach him to a ceiling fan' list

has been known to send 12 yr olds graphic violent death threats after losing to them in video games

he has the music taste of a 14 yr old cishet girl . i will let you decide what that entails .

my deepest apologies for making you read all this but i love them both dearly and i have lots of Thoughts

#asks #dreamsicle262 #sigzai #sigma #dazai #ramblings #headcanons i like

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theafrochick · 1 year ago

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my red flag is I'll wake up and be hurtled into a silly goofy mood so i write shit like this to cope. I like the idea of putting this in the long fic im deluding myself into thinking I'm going to write but for now have a snippet i guess since it'd feel weird posting this on ao3? idk.

we love stolas having a mental breakdown. and we also love asmodeus being along for the ride cus Asmodeus playing bob the builder with Stolas would fulfill all my needs in life actually.

something something projection and copium

Anyway

Pairing is: stolas & asmodeus. hurt/comfort

Word count: 2,741

I got sick of writing this lmao ignore the ending.

“What else is this supposed to be about then? I don’t know why we keep doing this when you found somebody else’s dick to hop on.”

“W-what on earth are you talking about?” Anxiety stabbed into you as you hug your grimoire to your chest. This was supposed to be a conversation. This was supposed to fix everything and instead if was devolving faster than you could have dreamed.

“Don’t play dumb Stolas, you and Asmodeus are plastered across every tabloid this side of hell. At least have the balls to admit that you’re just keeping me around as a side piece.”

“No, no, Blitzy it’s not like that. We’re friends! I’m doing him a favor, I would never do something like that. What do you take me for?” Blitz takes a step back when you try to approach him, an unfamiliar look of disdain crossing his features. A knot settles in your chest as you felt yourself shrink before him.

You knew you were a hypocrite for wanting him to believe that you wouldn’t cheat considering your relationship was a product of an affair, but you assumed his jealousy would be resolved when he realized Asmodeus was in a very committed relationship of his own. Clearly that wasn’t enough but you weren’t sure what else you could do for him. It felt like it didn’t matter at the end of the day. You had done for this him but he would never believe you if you actually said that. Or it’d somehow add more fuel to this never ending fire.

“I don’t see what kind of favor you needed him that involves you needing to hang all over him. If its about that stupid necklace you gave me so you wouldn’t have to see me anymore then consider the hint taken. You didn’t have to whore yourself out to get away from me.”

“I didn’t- I’m not- Please just listen to me, I only gave you that because-” You try to approach again. Blitz takes several steps back, folding his arms over his chest. Whatever faint connection you had to him snapped in that moment. The fact that there wasn’t anything to try and fix hit you like a truck and you the desire to cling to the vast nothing you had been given evaporated. You didn’t want to fight anymore. You were so tired of it. You suck in a breath, forcing yourself to straighten. Forcing yourself to not reach for him again even though a small part of you still wanted to. “Fine. If that’s how you feel then we can consider this the conclusion of any business we might have with one another. This 14th or any other are yours for the taking.”

You suck in another breath, then turn and take the stairs back into your house at a measured pace. In the resulting silence, filled by the bubbling of the fountain in the courtyard, you hoped that he wouldn’t actually let you walk away. But then the van door opened and closed. You opened the door to the foyer. The engine starts and fades just as quickly. You close the door, the click of the latch echoing through your head.

You’re fine. It’s okay. This is okay.

You feebly tried to placate yourself as you made your way through the house to put your grimoire away. If you didn’t it’d leave room for everything else to take root and even if you were pathetic, you refused to cry yourself to sleep on the entryway floor. This wasn’t the first time you just had to keep it together for a little while. What a handful of minutes compared to the other countless hours you had spent hiding from yourself.

But the grimoire never made it back to its place, because you were used to not having it. Because you had put a new book in its place. Because that book didn’t even fit well in your organization scheme but the blank space hurt to look at when you missed Blitz. Because you could handle the slight annoyance that it was in the wrong spot than look at that hole. Because if you moved that book to put your grimoire away then you’d have to find a new place for the wrong book. Because you didn’t have a place for it in the first place. Because then you’d end up reorganizing the mountain of books you had. Because after all that nothing would be the same. Because then you’d have to change. Because then you’d have to clean yourself. Because then you’d probably have to eat something. Because then you’d have to go to bed. Because then you’d have to wake up and grapple with the fact that you were as alone as you had felt your whole life.

Your knees give out and you curl into yourself. Between the sobs racking your body and the waves of anxiety that kept crashing over you you could barely breathe. Why is it always my fault?

How much more were you expected to give? You buried everything you wanted to the sake of others. You worried yourself sick. You overthought everything. You tarnished your birthright. You threw away whatever reputation you had t hat wasn’t trampled on by Stella. You couldn’t dig any deeper. There wasn’t any place you could hide from yourself anymore. You had nothing left and nothing to show for it. How was it still your fault that things ended up this way?

The vague burning sensation in your skin left behind from the feathers you hadn’t meant to rip out wasn’t enough to keep you grounded. And then more intentionally thinking that might leave you with something to grab onto as your magic misfired and bled into the room. Ichor seeped out of walls and pooled on the floor around you. The sound of cracking stone could scare be heard about the sound of your heart pounding in your aching chest. You’re making a mess, pull yourself together. This is unbecoming.

Normally a few sobering thoughts were enough for you to reign it in. To get some semblance of a grip on yourself and put yourself back together.

Not now. What was the point? You could stay there for as long as you wanted because nobody would care enough to come check on you. You could destroy the whole mansion and the only person who’d have to deal with it was you. This could just be another thing to add to the long list of things you couldn’t do right. Can’t be a prince. Can’t be a husband. Can’t be a father. Can’t be a boyfriend. Can’t be a boyfriend. Can’t take care of yourself. Can’t be left alone.

You squeeze your eyes shut, feeling your nails graze your skin before everything went silent.

“What the fuck...?”

You blink back into consciousness, cold from the ichor that had soaked into your clothes. Your head hurt, and your vision blurred. The tightness in your chest had subsided enough that you could at least breathe again. Maybe. Fresh anxiety wormed it’s way into you as Asmodeus cautiously pads over to you.

“Stolas, are you alright? What happened?”

You shove yourself into a sitting position, black spots dancing in your vision. A nervous laugh escapes you as you clap your hands together. “Oh, I was just...working on a spell.” Another nervous laugh. You set your soaked grimoire on the window seat, praying it was still legible. You could barely convince yourself that was an excuse let alone Asmodeus. Not when he was privy to everything that was going on and didn’t know how to let anything go. Not when you had unintentionally placed him in the middle of all of this.

“Wanna run that one by me again?” Asmodeus crouches in front of you, his head cocked earnestly to the side as he studies you.

“Just practicing…” You couldn’t bear to look at him as you forced the words out. Your stomach churned and your throat clenched. You weren’t sure if you were going to throw up or start crying again. Or both. “I’m fine, really. Do tell why you’re here.”

Asmodeus exhales sharply, resting his hand on the side of your face. He works his fingertips through your feathers to graze his claws against your skin. A tremor runs through you as the heat from his palm seeps into you. He always did run hot.

You fought the urge to sink into him, tension settling in your back as you sat a little straighter. “Really, I’ve just been out of practice so I thought it’d be good to reacquaint myself with some of the spells in the back of the book only I got distracted and it backfired a little. Nothing I can’t handle, I’m sure I did worse when I was younger. Haven’t we all?”

You weren’t sure what you were going on about as the room groaned and shifted around you. But saying nothing of any real substance was easier than sitting there in silence, trying not to look at him. This display was shameful, even if it was supposed to be private. Nothing was ever private. One way or another others always managed to wiggle their way in. If you said you fine eventually you’d mean it again and then things could go back to normal.

The chandelier gives from the added weight of the petrification and rips itself free of the ceiling. Asmodeus starts, whipping his head around to look at the pile of stone and plaster sitting on the floor. “Stolas…” He edges closer to you, cupping your face with his hands. “Don’t lie to me. It’s one thing if you want to be alone to work through whatever the fuck this is, but nobody who knows you and has half a brain would believe you’re fine right now.” He chose his words carefully, his drawl being the only thing that stopped an actual pause from forming.

You wring your hands together in your lap. For a moment you were a child being scolded for getting upset and all you could do was bear it. What good would admitting to anything do? If you did then it’d make this more real than it already was. So this was just another thing you could do. Pretend. Not anymore. You had felt the mask slipping for some time now but you never thought the day would come where you actually couldn’t put it back on. “It’d be a waste for you to worry about me when this whole thing is my fault.”

“I have a very hard time believing that.”

You shrug helplessly, pulling your face from his hands. “It always is… Things never should have gotten this far. I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t that’s the problem. I never think. None of this ever would have happened if I just did what I was supposed to, but I never do. I can’t do anything right.” You suck in a breath, batting his hands away when he reaches for you. “Sorry, that was rather uncalled for. You should just go.”

“Do you mean that?”

Of course not.

You wipe your face on your sleeve, undoubtedly smearing black on the side of your face. “It’s for the best.”

You tense when Asmodeus pulls you into his lap. You couldn’t manage to protest as he wraps himself around you. “It’ll be okay, Stolas, you’ll make it through this.”

For a moment you could breathe. Your mind goes blank for an instant before everything comes rushing back to the surface again. It hurt, and you were certain that you wouldn’t be okay. You had never been okay. How were you supposed to start now?

“There, there, let it all out.”

You whimper softly, burying your face in Asmodeus neck while he gently rocks you. You always liked how unnaturally warm he was. When given the chance it was hard not to drift to his side whether it was warranted or not. The sickly sweet smell that clung to him usually assaulted your senses and relaxed you but now it just mingled with your shame and made you too acutely aware of the situation you were presently in.

Getting a handle on yourself felt more a priority than working through whatever this was supposed to be. You needed out of this. You needed Asmodeus to feel like he had gotten what he wanted so he could continue on. You couldn’t get used to this. You couldn’t start to depend on him. He wasn’t yours to need. Nobody was. You were too old to be throwing a tantrum because you couldn’t get what you wanted. That’s what this boiled down to wasn’t it? Once again you expected too much. It was your own fault for getting your hopes up. How could you end up surprised you were here? This had been coming for months and you should have accepted this then. You should have taken the inevitable with grace. Especially when you left him with everything he wanted. He’d never think about you again while you stupidly clung to things that only ever mattered to you.

Was that it? Was everyone always placating you because it was easier than dealing with this? Maybe you were unreasonable. Asmodeus was only here because you hadn’t said the right things. If you were a little stronger you’d be cleaning. And you’d move that stupid book someplace else. Or throw it away because you didn’t even need it, it was just the first one you saw. What was it even called? To think you fell apart over something that normally didn’t occupy an ounce of head space. I’m hopeless.

You blink a few times, abruptly all too aware of your body pressed against Asmodeus’. Of his steady breathing. Of his heart thudding in his chest. You had enough sense to be embarrassed without a twinge of anxiety so you had to confront the fact that you had to actually start picking up the pieces of whatever Blitz had broken inside of you countless times. There probably wasn’t even anything left at this point, but trying was really your only option when Asmodeus certainly wasn’t going to let you go back to tearing yourself and your house apart.

For now, you were mostly tired, and if you stayed like this any longer the idea of sleeping on his chest would have been tempting. Though this raised the question of you needing to get out of this and you were no closer to a solution than when the question was first posed. “Uhm...Asmodeus?”

“Yes, Stolas?” Asmodeus shifts you a little higher, nuzzling your neck.

“You may put me down, if you want.”

Asmodeus studies you for a moment. While the scrutiny still made you uncomfortable, it wasn’t nearly as unbearable as before. He seemed satisfied that you weren’t still spiraling out of control and eased you back onto the floor. You brace yourself on his shoulder and stand, a headache forming at your temples. “Why don’t you come stay with me tonight?”

“No, no I couldn’t possibly do that. It’s alright. This is a big place. There are other beds.”

Asmodeus hauls himself off the floor, momentarily distracted by the puddle off ooze he had put his hand in. “I also have other beds. Ones that aren’t covered in freaky black jizz. Besides, you need a bath and I know you aren’t going to take one. You’re probably not even going to change either and that look on your face says it all.” Asmodeus cuts you off, “girl you need to get a grip. I’m all for spending all day in bed, but at least do it in a clean one.”

You sigh, not really having the energy to argue with him. “I really wouldn’t want to put you out.”

“I have servants for a reason, only people you’re putting out are on payroll. Though word of advice,” he snaps his fingers, opening a portal into a very pink bathroom, “don’t let Froggy make your breakfast. He’ll do it because he knows you’re too nice to say no, and I think you’ve suffered enough for one week.”

“I’m not-” The protest died on your lips as you stepped into the bright light. You were already missing your room before the portal had closed. “Fizzarolli thinks I’m nice?”

“How could anybody think otherwise?”

#helluva boss #fanfic #stolas #asmodeus #my writing

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femshinji · 7 months ago

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i don’t know what is wrong with me

me and my mom constantly get into fights over dumb shit, but it mostly comes down to one thing: i can’t show my emotions like a normal fucking human being.

im a completely different person at school/with friends. idk why but i basically have two personalities: one is really extroverted and doesn’t give a fuck about anything and the other one is tired 24/7 and thats basically it lol. i don’t show what i feel unless that emotion is completely consuming me, so when im at home (aka i just don’t try so fucking hard to be someone im not), i don’t show any emotions and lay in bed all of the time. it’s not like i don’t do anything, i have really good grades and try to not cause any problems, but oh my fucking god how annoying my mom is about it

when we argue, my mom’s main argument is the fact that “she had depression too”, and that might be really fucking selfless of me, but i don’t fucking believe her. i think she just grieved or had a harder time, but definitely wasn’t depressed. if she was, she would’ve understood how i feel.

also oh my god how weird she acts sometimes. one day she says she’s so proud of me and the other she talks about how she thinks i’m a spoiled brat. we’re friends, then she yells that she would’ve been happier if i wouldn’t come home. i feel like if i had a failed attempt at suicide, she would’ve just said that i’m overreacting and she’d take my phone away lol, but if i would’ve actually succeeded, she’d FINALLY be sad that she said shit like that to me

what would someone reasonable do in this situation?? therapy. the thing is, we talked about it. i am on antidepressants since my mom took me to a psychiatrist, and even the psychiatrist said that i might need therapy, but my mom said that i don’t act like i need it and that she spent lots of money on me already, and that she doesn’t have a money tree etcetc

idk i just wish i wasn’t such a bitch and would finally kill myself. this would solve all of my problems.

this post is so grammatically incorrect lmao please ignore it, i just had to get it out

#vent post #ventcore #depressing shit #tw depressing thoughts #mommy issues #suic1de #personal vent #vent blog

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acreaturecalledgreed · 10 months ago

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yall know that its possible to express sexual attraction towards a character And Also still have a deep invested thoughts on them and the media they pertain from right

you do know that being horny over a character doesnt magically make someone some stupid airhead who cant appreciate or analyse media right.

please tell me yall know that.

and youre Definitely not going to use being ace as an excuse to justify being an asshat about this, right? because youre not saying shit like this bc youre ace, youre saying it bc you cant conceptualize that other ppl can have indepth feelings And Also experience sexual attraction.

like dont say its bc youre ace and make the rest of us look like jackasses just bc youre being kind of a cunt.

i understand fully the irritation of constant bombardment of sex all the goddamn time. a lot of the culture were exposed to is in this bizarro death-lock bc being absolutely terrified of sex and also constantly dehumanizing and shaming people for not wanting sex.

i am a mostly sex repulsed, romance repulsed aroace. i truly hate that i had to start engaging with shipping in order for people to give a single fuck about anything i had to say in fandom. i Hate when im trying to share an idea or analysis or thought and all ppl can respond with is how it pertains to their ships.

but im also not enough of a jackass to think that that means people being horny or invested in shipping makes vapid and thoughtless and you can talk about this without framing it as "people are so stupid and annoying and dumb for liking sex" you are Literally just parroting the extremely abusive culture we live in

id be equally pissed if i read someone say "youre cold and weird if you dont want to fuck"

and i did not sit through a decade of losing friends and being gaslit constantly over acephobia from everyone around me to the extent that it became a panic inducing trigger for yall to sit there and unironically say that you think people are bad and gross and stupid for wanting to jump a characters bones holy fuck i am so tired ive been up since five and all i want is for people in general to just stop being cunts for ten goddamn minutes do you all seriously not think AT ALL about the shit you say

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notproofread · 2 years ago

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so i finished a court of wings and ruin

man i have so many thoughts i don't even know where to start but this time i made notes while reading so strap in because there is A LOT to say

i'll start with dearest Feyre darling because damn she is one hell of a main character and not in a good way.

The psychological warfare at the beginning of the book? So cool, especially when she was working against ianthe and the hybern-Siblings because it really felt like her feelings towards them were truly justified and the pure dislike made it all the more satisfying when she won against them (especially ianthe that disgusting piece of shit i fucking hate her).

But i am not too much of a fan of the whole "let tamlin and lucien suffer" thing... Or more like her plan to rope in the whole spring Court and basically leave them to die at hyberns mercy very cool feyre you totally are morally superior

actually it kinda feels like she is taking the moral high ground over EVERYONE which... idk girly you are not exactly perfect and flawless either

also ummmm why is the first thing she and rhys do after being re-uinted fukcing? what about your oh so important sisters bestie... i am actually disgusted

after feyre arrives in the night court again she seems off somehow. there is no focus to her character, she is all over the place even. her part in the spring court was so clear, thoughtful and she had a goal. now that she is back in the night court it feels like a lot of building up (but it is rather boring lol)

alsoi need her to stop meddling with other peoples romantic feelings and romantic interests you don't have to force everyone into a relationship especially if they don't want to!!!!!!!

ALSO also start thinking about your actions before you do them. I'm tired of having to read about how she regrets something she did over and over again

the fact that she FORGETS her sisters????? FORGET??? A HUMAN BEING??? HELOO?? especially elain??? wtf how are you not worried to death about your starving, grieving, lovesick, maybe probably traumatized sister(s)???

and besides why does she think so ill of nesta? wow she is smiling? omg i thought she was made of stone?!?!!? (this is sarcasm btw) she says its an "eternal shock" for her to see nesta almost smile wtf she is still your sister that went through trauma since childhood not a monster you found in the fucking woods

why is feyre happy for elain slowly overcoming her trauma but shocked at nesta? i smell favoritism

and AGAIN i hate that she doesn't like to hear/feel/see the consequences of her own actions. like i already said her actions aren't always justified and when she faces repercussions she blocks the images from her mind lol sure okay that's how growing as a character works

example: she starts arguments with other high lords, insults them and gets pissed when they insult back or not jump immediately to her proposition like babe... what did you expect?

im tired of feyre hoping/thinking that everyone will fold backwards for her and rhys. we know that what you are fighting for is right and important but other high lords do not. they are centuries old, ignorant bastards not everyone is a rhys or a tarquin or even a kallias. they will cause problems on purpose, get used to it please or at least stop being overdramatic at every insult they throw your way jesus

unfiltered thoughts after the weird mor-feyre-beef (??): FUCK THIS i am OVER it, i am OVER feyre what in the dumb fuck is this? mor just told you that she was angry with you because you lied to her and rhys and could have been captured or killed by hybern so feyre responds with confronting mor about her feelings ("lies" ok bitch) towards az and helion. what kind of a shit friend are you??? jesus fuck i hate her so much rn

no wtf wtf i cant believe that this is how feyre defends herself??? MORS (romantic) FEELINGS ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. YOU VANISHING ON HER AND LYING IS HER BUSINESS. STOP FUCKING MEDDLING WITH EVERYONES ROMANCES AND SORT OUT YOUR OWN FUCKING ISSUES

fuck off

#can you tell i am over this #with every page i read i disliked her more #main characters are what makes or breaks a story #feyre clearly breaks it #acotar #feyre #rhysand #nesta #elain #azriel #helion #tarquin #tamlin #acowar #a court of wings an ruin

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cashaywallace · 1 month ago

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Oh I hurt jessika feelings yesterday bc I exposed her

“She talked about my body”

Bitch no I didn’t

Again YOU MAD CAUSE I DONT FIT UR EXPECTATION OF GOD that’s one.

I’m not coddling your short comings - why you move out mamared- SHE WAS TRYING TO HELP YOU FROM BECOMING A HO. - HI CAM GRL BF.

And if you not sexting on camera you giving pretty girls a naturally mean AND “I’m better than you just cause light skin” aesthetic - red not racist she prolly said some weird shit cause you being weird about yo heritage mixing - finding yourself on a 1/2 scale of black and white- I fucking get it but YOU ZEALOUS AND DONT GOT REASON TO BE- ya looks is average why you use all that make up - UR ACTUALLY VERY FUCKING PRETTY BUT YOUR ATTITUDE IS A REFLECTION OF HOW MUCH POINTLESS MAKE UP YOU BE USING ON A DAILY. - mama red not crazy bitch Yal from the south HAY BLACK N WHITES GET ALONG - what is you doing jessika.. - dating a white boy who wana be black - Yal perfect for each other - YA BOTH MISSED THE MESSAGE GIVEN TO YOU IN YO UPBRINGING AND IT SHOW IN YA DAMN CARS - “we trying to sow both worlds go together” BUT YOU DOING A YOUTUBE ROSE OF KINGSNQWEENS BLACK GIRLS W WHITE BOYS ARE BETTER // BETTER TAKEN CARE OF - NO YOURE PREJUDICE TURNED RACIST - congrats that’s sad. Why YOU GOT KICKED OUT THE HOUSE AND STEALING OFF RED NOW. W/O BF KNOWLEDGE. - UR A SCAMMER DUMBASS. … THE REST OF GIRLS WHO LOOK LIKE YOU YOU IN COMPETITION TO BE BETTER THAN VS FINIDING INSPIRATION TO LOVE YOURSELF - why you got goldenkurls leg tattoos and India love hand but Marie nails 🙂🖕 - UR RUDE N LOST N NASTY INSIDE N CALL IT CUTE - JASMEAN ( why is that yo fucking name - bc I got long hair than most black girls 😒 - why corri leave you ( besides me liking his photos when YOU was stalking me 💋 HI DADDY - SINCE YOU PETTY DUMBASSES )

You trying to become em / ME - BLASPHEMY KARMA. - where’s UR BRAINS / individually … what man told you he need you slutty clothing and long nails n toes done 24/7 w ya hair did - INSTAGRAM FAKE WORLD COATING YO BANK ACCOUNT. - ROBBING THE WHITE HOUSE. - YA DONT CHECK THE CAR FAX

“Well why she get to post her body photos”

BC THERES CLEARLY CONFIDENCE N SELF LOVE IN MINE. IM IN COMPETITION WITH MYSELF THE GIRL IN THE MIRROR TO BE MY BEST FUCKING SELF W SELF LOVE IN TACT ALWAYS.

Went from scrawny little kid ( yes we got caught up on is my ass this or that enough) THEN I BUILT MY BODY I WORKED FOR IT HARD N SHOWED THE PROGRESSION ALWAYS.

You bitches say you in the gym - LIFTING 5 lbs or over doing shit with dumb form saying that’s how you got ur OH SO OBVIOUS ENHANCER ASSES. - WHY YA QUADS XARRYING YA ASS BUT UR MEAT OF THE LEG DONT EXIST - WHERES the real support - not ur core either.

T.hooww you got WASH FLAT ABS … WHERES UR SURROUNDING MUSCLES - you use enhancers not weights to get it

Then you in competition w women who don’t even fit in the lane you trying to take over 🤯

When a nigga and a female really on they shit and sit back and obverse that it really shows Yal lacking brains so you OVER HIGHLIGHT qualities you deem gon be long lasting to a man // woman - why ya relationships ALWAYS FAILING. - WHO WALKS AWAY FIRST , ME.

- a bitch been at the lib for 10 months and ain’t cracked a single book open here or Ventura county

- what was that day Obama I wrote the dna malfunction in medical research and the hydrogen bomb in space you put in my fucking head to make me SPECIAL NEEDS AND SEEM LIKE A CRACK HEAD - FOR THE BOOK WORM BITCHES BUT STOP DOING THE MOST 24/7 SHOWING OF YA BODY IN A WAY THAT DONT BALANCE YOU.

- YAL WANT ME A LACKING HO CLEARLY , IVE TACKLED EVERYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE AND SMSHED IT SO NOW IM BORED MAKING FUN OF WHY YO HISTORY STUCK ON COWS BRAIN REPEAT

- if you see me post a body photo now it’s MANY REASONS BEHIND IT 1. I’m bored and reminiscing 2. I’m bored yo hos is tired and played out 3. I’m bored KAMALA TAKING HER SWEET DAMN FUCKING TIME. 4. IM BORED TRISTAN A SLOW OVER PLANNED LOSER 5. IM BORED LEE N HOWARD IS SLAVE OWNERS HOW MUCH DEEPER WE NEED TO GO 6. IM BORED PAULA A LOSER N TRYNA HOLD ON 7. TAYLOR SR DONE. 8. IM BORED WTF IS YOU NIGGAS SCARED FOR 9. IM BORED YOU WANT ME FRIENDS W A HOMELESS MAN TO RAPE ME 🫤 BITCH THATS NOT MY BABY DADDY TF MENTAL ILLNESS YOU GOT. 10. IM BORED SO IM SHOWING WHO IN A “aspiring limelight” NEED A DAMN PSYCHIATRIST 11. IM BORED SHOWING REAL MEN A REAL EQUAL WOMAN ON THEY ARM 12. IM BORED SHOWING WOMEN HOW TO BALANCE THEY BEAUTY AND BRAINS 13. IM BORED SHOWING GOD DONT LIKE UGLY N ITS NOT ALL THE GAYS* 14. IM BORED AND SHOWING HOW TO BE COPESTETIC IN ALL ENVIRONMENTS WITH WHAT YOU DEEM DONT GO TOGETHER BUT FIT TOGETHER WHEN YOU GET OUT YA BOX 15. IM BORED SHOWING HOW AMERICA IS A ADDICT STATE ADDICT TO PAIN N MISERY AND CODEPENDENT ON SAYING SOMEONE ELSE THE FUCKING BAD GUY

- YOU HO•es NEED WONDER WOMAN BUT YOU CHICKEN

- the aliens is bored waiting to eat and you standing next to em 😹😹😹😹😹🤯🤯🤯🤯

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kusundei · 6 months ago

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genuinelywhy does the worst shit have to happen to me when im already tweaking

like no i knew. i knew the conversation from yesterday w ellis wasnt enough. knew in my heart yet i ignored jt and chose to be happy. joyous because gof forbid all i know is doom and gloom. its just.? why? whyyyy is this still a problem?

i dont even care. i dont know why i keep bothering over and over again i know ill have to fold eventually im fighting a losing battle. “i need you to be honest with me” and then you lash me and use it against me when you get the honest truth. i. dont. want. to. go. on. birth. control. period

like? how hard is that? to understand? you bring up the shit i said ab the abortion like sorry??? what happened to my body my choice?,??? and god forbid she starts fucking implanting it into me herself because no im still jer kid. live under this roof she will make every decision. its fine i dont care at this point i dont know why im still fighting. i cant take the easy way out anymore its just sofrustrating? i feel fucking awful. again. god forbid i told her the reason i sont wanna go on birth control is mostly a mental health thing and she lashes me about how im not okay then. “everyone is depressed you think you have it any harder than the rest of us?” like did i fucking say that? itolf you i dont take medication anymore (cause of you) and also just because im choosing to deal with it naturally ajd i get lashed for even getting affected by things. like its just. why. did we.? have to talk about that? and you keep patronizing me over and over and over again and how i never do anythging right . god forbid i wish you could focus for once in your life oncthe smaller things because i am. trying. ive always tried. you just dont notice when its at par to your demand and also when i go back. i get lashed

its just heaaarring you complain ab the showering again is so. ugh. like. i told you i dont have an answer. its a habit? i suppose? but noooo. “ive told you this over and over. i dont want to hear the excuse of ‘its a habit’ because if you wanted to change you would’ve already” like are you hearing yourself??? do you want to apply that to yourself? jonathan maybe? but no im kind. theyre taking the door agajn i suppose and i dont fucking care jts fine. she knew i was getting upset because she started mocking me. i hate when people do that. when people act like im sofucking dumb. and she knows it and does it to get under my skin because she knows how easily she can and i wont ever do anythjnf about it. i just .? imso? upset? i guess? im upset but im also not. imjust so.? tired?

tired of fighting overr and over again. tired of this but maybe its what i get??? i am selfish. she has told me this shit over and over and i dont really change. i do but not enough i guess its just. i cant win. im stuck in that cycle and im trying sooo hard to not acknowledge it. but no it really will haunt me i suppose? stuck and bound to this life? bound to repeat the cycle of hurting over and over again??? i think im so weird right now because i feel so torn. i wanna be sad and i want to cry and be frustrated because i feel it but i also dont want to. or at least i cant? ill always give you the benefit of the doubt. maybe i am just frustrating. no because what you said??? “you wonder why im upset all the time? think about how i feel about you” and its just. ugh. i cant even try to back mtself up because i do feel bad. i feel bad but im also upset and i hate it because i feel so dumb to feel anything at all. im trying not to upset you and ive done it for so long i try to be small i try to not take up space i try to be understanding and helpful but it is. never. ever. enough. and mayhe its just me truly not trying

just. god. i cant. if i end up truly on birth control who cares at this point. theres no guarantee ill get worse but at this point i think ab it and maybe i aalllreaddyy am. but maybe thats the lack of sleep doomed evil sam talking. its weird because honestly the one main fear i have w the birth control is weight gain and that says enough does it not.? i cant eat. havent eaten. tried to eat earlier cuz sav was lashing me and i ate that one??? slice of pizza and i felt so sick after and i still do. not eating well. my pants today kept slipping and iiii know why. last time i checked i hit 141 i think and i dont think id be shocked if ive hit the 130s now. its concerning but also maybe im enabling myself a tad. its fine im not ill i just. am acting like it. but im not

iiii. just wanna talk to ajax maybe. reminds me of last night when i was so tired and delirious and just rambling but i sidnt feel bad because that wasnt affecting me in the moment. i dontknow if i can truly just tell him something like this while its happening because i cant shake that awful feeling ? im tryinggg but its hard. theyre taking the door off the hinge as i type and immm just getting more. evil. but i wont cry i wont show it im fine. tweakish but ill live. i do it to myself anyway the only person who can save me is me ^_^ but even thats hard

if its meant to be then it will be chat. if god so chooses to make me this way then maybe jts bound to happen. maybe hes lashing me because ive been evil lately or something. ive been happier but also all my tweaks have been worse than theyve been in a while and amybe thags what jt is. repenting cause im happy too much. hell even my mom acknowledges it all the time when im happy. wont ever stop being patronized. i just feel. doomed. again. i feel bad but i cant explain which way i do. just bad. heavy. evil. but ill liveee i always do. ill try and sleep a little earlier tonight since i know im probably tweaking as bad as i am because of the lack of sleep as always. but imfine ill. lock in a bit and text him maybe. or i wont and ill repent a little more and then get my phone taken away bht ill try to see the light and live. just have everything playing in my head overand over and over. its allll just so much but its fine illcope i alllwaaays do

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