#but im rlly happy with how it turned out... i’ve been wanting to do a proper illustrationfor the novel

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

blows everything up w my mind i hate school i hate careers i just wanna draw pictures and play sudoku

[pantheresssy]

Spending Nights (Abby Anderson/ Reader)

Hello!

This is part 2 of ‘casual’! You can find part 1 in this masterlist! It took me so much time to write this but i did it, im rlly sorry, studying is making my creativity go away. Enjoy!!!

Synopsis: Your friendship with Ellie becomes stronger as you both get to know each other better. From the other side, Abby wasn’t dealing with this too well.

warnings: marijuana use (els), non graphic smut, too much abby and not much of els, angst angst, getting into toxic!abby.

“It smells like shit,”

Blowing the smoke on the air and, for consequence on your face, Ellie looked at you with a smirk. Her eyes were blurred and couldn’t stay in the same place for too long, in a trance with the sensations of marijuana. “But it makes me so fu-cki-ng good. Try.”

You pushed her hand away from your face and twisted your nose, feeling that the smell would make you sick and stick to your hair and clothes. You were in her dorms, with the notebook where she writes her songs open on your lap. Somewhere in the middle of your reading, you discovered a few more things she wrote. Small poetry’s. Most of them were sad, about unrequited loves, death, sadness of abandonment and the loss of a parental love. They were tragically tragic, but still beautiful.

Ellie looked over your shoulder, following your reading. Smiling when you turned your page to see the sweetest song you had ever come close to. She was a real talent, just like you had imagined when you first meet her. “I’ll write one for you.”

“If it’s as good as this one, I’ll say please.” She made a face and leaned back on her seat, taking the marijuana into her mouth.

Ellie blowed and talked at the same time. “This is the worst I’ve written since I started.”

You dismissed her words, outraged by what she had said. When you told her it was the ‘best one she had so far’ she looked a bit offended and gave you a full list of why it was her worst composition. Ellie explained to you all of her creative work and, by the end, you thought you knew more about songs than about your own classes. It was interesting seeing how her eyes shone and her voice became more happy. You could see that she really loved doing what she did.

When you went back to your doorms, not long after, you did with a smile. She really was a great friend, person, and writer. It was curious for you how she gad opened up about what she liked so quickly after knowing you for barely a whole week. But it was good.

The rest of your day, you enjoyed with one of your many books. Laying in bed with it on your chest, being dragged by the words. That’s why, when a knock sounded on your door, you opened it without checking who it was. Thinking it could be Dina — (or Ellie) — you never looked away from the page you were reading, only finding out who truly was when she spoke for the first time.

“Can we talk?” Abby said. At that moment, you regretted not asking who it was first. It’s been days since you last saw her, and you would be laying to yourself if you say that this wasn’t broking your heart even more, but you tried to ignore.

Holding your breath, you swallowed hard before answering: “No. I… I’m not in the mood for talking right now.” Deep down you wanted it, so when you kept talking, you wanted to slap yourself. “Maybe later.”

Abby stepped closer when you make a move to close the door, quickly trying to stop you. And it worked. “I saw you at the party.” There it comes. “Who is she?”

You raised an eyebrow. She had no right to be there questioning you, as if she deserved something. “I’m surprised you went, you never liked those things.” A small pause, “But I guess I should’ve had imagined, you have changed so much in a short time.”

She bit the inside of her cheek and you knew she was looking for what to say next. “Owen invited me”, And oh… oh.

Of course he did. You felt silly, a completely idiot. She never went with you when you asked, always making sure you knew how much she hated going to these things. But with him, that part never really mattered. “I’m glad he managed to change your mind.”

“He didn’t,” She said quickly. “I hated going there. You know this, Y/n. I… I hated even more when I saw you with her.”

An ironic laugh escaped you and you looked at the ground already feeling the tears filling your waterline, obstructing your vision. Abby was the proudest person you had ever seen and, when she said that, you realized that she was there not because she missed you, or because she wanted to apologize for everything she did, but for some jealousy of seeing you with someone other than her. You had to mourn her for the time she thought it was necessary, waiting until she wanted to come and talk to you correctly. Like at that moment.

It was a cycle that she had created and you couldn’t leave. On other occasions the same had happened, but not like that, with a fight so big as that one. You two have never been more than a few hours without talking to each other, and it’s been a long time.

You started poking your thumb, an attempt to keep everything you felt inside you through the soft pain. “You don’t own me any explanations.”

Abby denied. “I do, yes.“

“Look…” You started, letting transpire in your voice and face how tired you were of going around so many times, only to ended up in the same place. “We had the same conversation that day, you said what you wanted to say, what you felt-“

She interrupted you. “I didn’t.”

“So i am asking you to leave.”

As the last word came out of your mouth, you saw her posture fall. She looked sad, worried and younger, totally vulnerable and open for you. And you hated that you felt yourself softening. “Abby,”

She reached out for you and took your hand. You felt the urge to pull off her grip, but gave up in the last second. “Give me one chance.”

Swallowing, you watched as her fingers went to the inner part of your pulse, and you squeezed your eyebrows together. She was close, so close and God, it was good to feel her there. Your walls and anger were down as soon as she stepped even further after seeing your reaction, her lips touching yours.

And you did no move to push her.

Abby was fully inside of your room and closed the door with her feet while her hands gripped your wrist. You joined your lips more to hers, sighing heavily when you realized that you would not be able to let her out, even if you fought with all your strength against your will. Your arms wrapped around her neck and you two walked blindly to your bed, you sitting on the end while she was still standing in front of you, her back bent the kiss wouldn’t end. And you moaned, a sound that came from the back of your throat that seemed so desperate, wanting. But Abby smiled in enjoyment — (and proud).

Your shirt quickly came out of your body, then the rest of your clothes. She pulled you to the middle of the bed and started to kiss, lick and grope each part of you she could reach. Your noises only got louder, this time being followed by hers. And when her fingers went inside you, touching that spongy place that made you see stars, you felt your body shake with goosebumps. You couldn’t deny it anymore, you loved her and loved the way she made you feel.

You were lost on the fog of your orgasm, your mouth was open, trying to catch air for your lungs. She fell at your side on the bed, one of her arms supporting her head while the other supported yours. With the corner of your eye, you could see the smile she held and turned for her, placing your hand on her chest. You could regret it later, being so close to her, so open, letting yourself go so easily. But at that moment, you couldn’t think of anything else but being with her like that for the rest of your days. That’s why, when the words came out of your mouth, you didn’t stop them.

“I missed you,”

She hummed, taking your chin and pulling you into a light kiss. “Me too.” She said. “It was a torture, being away from you and seeing you with… Ellis… Ellie?”

You licked your lips, feeling her taste. “Ellie. Dina introduced us at that party. She’s great. She showed me the songs she writes today.”

Abby’s face fell into something darker, heavier. Jealousy shone back on her and you sank your nails on her skin, trying to pull her back. You knew that if you allowed it, that moment would turn into a discussion just like the other day or worse. She was territorialist and you hated it, especially after having fought with you because of your jealousy and insecurities. “I don’t like her.”

“Do you like anyone?” You asked, fun shining in your eyes and voice.

She kissed you one, two, three times. “You.” With her statement, you smiled big. Abby stroked your cheek, whispering her next words: “Just… can you stay away from her? For me, please.”

Just like that, your expression twisted in a grimace. “That’s why you’re here? To fuck me and try to say with who you want me to hangout with?” You got up and started to put your clothes back on. “Get out, Anderson.”

She faced you. “She clearly wants you, Y/n.” You laughed indignantly. “I won’t let her fuck with you.”

“Like you did that day? She won’t do it, Abby. And you know why? Because Ellie doesn’t hide what she feel, she doesn’t yell and curse when a problem pops up.” Your chest gasped with your words said in one breath. “Leave, now. You’ve stayed too much already.”

You pointed to the door, lowering your head and listening to her wear her clothes. Abby walked up to you and stopped in front of you. “I fucking tried to do this better. You can’t blame me now.”

How much you hated that situation, to be dragged by those words. The pain you felt before was nothing compared to the one you felt at that moment. “That’s all that matters to you, isn’t it? Making me feel bad so you can go over me?”

“I fucking like you, Y/n! That’s why I don’t want you with her.” Her finger wrapped around a lock of your hair and gave a slight pull.

You walked away and rubbed your hands on your face. “And you show it by trying to put someone I like as a friend away? Just go, Abby.”

“I ain’t giving up on you.”

She left with one last look and you closed the door as soon as she passed through the threshold, sniffling when the tears fell and your body was shaken with strong hiccups. You felt nothing but stupid. You knew that at some point everything would go down, but you didn’t knew it would be so quick, — not after everything.

You really thought that things would settled down, after just a few minutes and a moment with her at the bed. You thought you would go back to spending nights with her, smiling and kissing. Abby could make a fool out of you so easily. Sometimes you think you might hate her.

And this is the end!

I really wish I could write more than 2k but at some point I just start to repeat words/expressions and I have a tick with this. Hope you had enjoyed this ride and be patient with me for part 3 plss it will come out! Thank you for all of your comments!! As always, I’m sorry for any mistake.

taglist: @pinkpanther-44, @elsmissingfingers, @sofi4v13, @bready101, @mattxxamryli.

[elainsgirl]

Whats the weirdest argument against Elain or elriel you have heard?

I think this is oen of them (I cant believe its still here after all these years): Elain doesn't belong in the Night Court because CASSIAN THOUGHT she looked bad in an unflattering black dress when the IC had to make the famously beautiful elain unflattering so Eris would focus on Nesta. There's a very clear reason cassian said elain looked unflattering, so readers could understand what the IC was up to, manipulating Eris to their wishes. Which Elain was an important part of.

Never mind it's never once even implied you have to wear black in the Night court. Rhysands first and second, Mor and Amren, dont. But GA/EL have special rules for elain! Otherwise everyone knows she will most definitely jump the bones of her favorite bat boy and he will be very very VERY happy about that. We can't have that! Need her gone!

And it's so funny that it is because of one of the scenes where Elain chooses to work for the IC that they claim she doesn't belong there. Its so backwards and ANYTHING Elain does is disregarded in favor of the words of a male. But GA/EL are entirely focused on the males so I guess it's no surprise.

They have been too locked up in their bubbles, their ridiculous ideas have moved further and further from the books and then become so ingrained. Like a house of cards built on fanon. So fragile the tiny puff of wind from turning a page in one of the actual books is enough for it to crash.

GA/EL need Elain to leave the night Court because they know she can't be kept in the same place as azriel because everyone knows elriel is canon and Elain almost climbed azriel like a tree when they were alone, while Az worshipped her like a damned goddess. With Lulu sleeping upstairs. That must have been like reading pure horror for GA/EL. I guess it makes sense they are grasping at straws. But the straws they are grasping at are laughable.

Hey anon 🫶

The whole “elain looks bad in black” arguement is so hilariously funny. That scene was clearly set up to make elain look unflattering when compared to Nesta - but antis hate the theory because they don’t believe Elain is capable of doing anything complex. They don’t want to acknowledge that Elain Archeron - the very character they call weak and boring- can pull of such a plan. That or they want to stick her to the whole “she’s a feminine girl who likes to throw balls and gardens” and not let her grow outside of that image (idk if that makes sense). Elain - who grew up as a socialite- would obviously have been taught by their mother what colours are flattering on her, the dress shape and size that suits her, which makeup would go with which look etc. She would have known she looked “washed” out in black. She would have known the dress was unflattering. Not only that, she had the twins, feyre, Mor etc all to tell her she looked terrible but no one did. The scene of Elain in Hewn, her dress specifically was described exactly as void fabric which we met in acofas with Feyre and? Elain Archeron. Besides all of that: They’d rather take Cassian’s opinion seriously instead of Elains own words. Which is kind of the point when it comes to Elains character how no one rlly takes her seriously or looks past the surface which her antis including elucien stans do. They take her character surface level when it suits them.

I’ve come across such BS takes, from Elain being a cheater, someone who self h4rms, evil, manipulater to elriel being toxic, rebounds etc but if I had to choose one for Elain and one for Elriel:

Elain: Eluciens calling Elain a cheater. When they started yapping about this, it confirmed for me that eluciens do not love Elain. Im not making the bold statement that “all eluciens hate elain” - that would be mean and immature of me. However, I am in the firm camp elucien Stans like elain but love Lucien more which is why they’re always coming up with HCs where elain is the bad guy that will grovel for Lucien.

Elriel: That Elain and Azriel’s relationship is not important and can be concluded within a paragraph as the bonus already ended elriel. This has to be the most biased take. Just because YOU do not like elriels dynamic and dismiss their scenes as unimportant doesn’t mean everyone else does. There is literally a reason why Sjm had Feyre - her main character- stare at Elriel and wonder why they’re not mates. I have seen an anti today talk about how the foreshadowing/buildup in acowar/acofas isn’t as important as acosf. That alone tells you everything you need to know. Antis will use Sjms words when it suits them and dismiss her words when it doesn’t. Also - ACOSF, where we learn that Az has moved on from Mor, is staying at H.O.W bcs of how strong he feels for elain, Nesta realising Az likes Elain, Elriel literally left off on a charged glance, Azriel being incorporated into the prison plot which we know will go to Elain etc. I think its just becoming clear that antis are grasping at straws to justify shipping Gwynriel/Elucien and “debunking” elriel.

No author ends a couple in a bonus. Sjm does not end her couples’ the way she ended elriel. I think as time is growing closer and especially now that we have an idea at which time the announcement will come - antis are rlly scrambling to proves their ships but its just looking ridiculous. When you’ve created a bubble for yourself filled with people in the same camp as you that will believe anything, it’s easier to remain in the bubble.

Their bubble is going to pop when Sjm announces it is in fact Elains book next.

[l4brvtality]

Can I pls have Dominik Mysterio x Fem reader with the prompts “I trust you” + ➻ “May I kiss you?” where the reader goes to his room and not only tells him her feelings but also how he's helped her with her inner demons?

Apocolypse

When your all alone , I will reach for you

Pairings - Bsf!Dominik Mysterio x Wrestler/Bsf! Reader

Warnings - Fear of unrequited feelings , Just fluff rlly!!

Word Count - 0.7k , Gif Creds

You and Dominik had been the dynamic duo of The Judgment day. You would always spend time with him. He was like the sun to your moon. You always saw edits either, praising the friendship you two or, shipping you two together. You and Dominik would make fun of the edits and react to them , but little did he know how much you wished you two could be together. And the edits just fueled your need for him more. So today you decided you wanted to tell him the feelings you and hidden for a while. You felt scared telling him about it , but you didnt tell him , he would never know. 

You asked him to meet at a nearby beach at 5:00pm. The sun should be setting at that time , you thought. Checking your phone it was already 4:45. You grabbed your keys and purse as you looked into the mirror next to the door. It’s time to set your plan into action you thought, as you sighed.

You arrived to the beach as you sww Dominik sitting with his knees to his face looking at the sunset. You tapped his shoulder feeling your hands sweat up at the thought of what you were about to do. You saw Dominik turn to you , a smile forming on his face when he saw you.

“Hey mariposa, did you need me here for?” He asked.

“Hey I was wondering.. could we talk for a bit, its kinda important,” you asked as you sat down next to him.. Why were you feeling so nervous all of a sudden? You felt confident just a moment again where did it go? You thought to yourself.

Dominik looked straight ahead, feeling the breeze of the wind hit his hair. He looked so , beautiful. Almost unreal you thought as you looked into his eyes. You took a deep breath before you turned pulled dominik by his hand to look at you.

“You trust me right? This wont ruin what he have? “You whispered to him. You saw his face switch from a smile , to a worried expression.

“Of course, mi vida , I trust you know that right?,” he replies back.

Before you knew it , your faces were closer than you had imagined. You saw Dominik’s gaze linger on your lips and then back to your eyes.

“Dom what are you do-“ but he cut you off before you could continue.

“May I kiss you?” he asked. His question was soon answered as your lips met him in an heated kiss. 

You felt Dom smile into the kiss as your lips left his. You could still feel the linger that his lips left behind. And you loved it. 

“Is that what you wanted to talk about?” He asked as smirk painting his face.

You looked back at the sunset ad you opened your mouth to speak. Feeling his gaze linger on you.

“I just wanted to tell you how much you’ve helped me through out my career. Ive been having a hard time adjusting to the judgment day lifestyle, especially with these changes— its just been hard for me. And at some point I’ve thought about quitting,” you saw Dominiks face change to worry again as you spoke.

“But you helped me through these things Withought knowing. And I love that about you Dom.” You turned to look at him , seeing his smile match yours as his face turned a brighter shade of pink.

He grabbed your hand a bubbly smile on his lips as he began to speak.

“Im happy to be that person for you, and I want you to know how much I care… even if I might not show it you’re always on my mind,” you smiled as you turned to look away , trying to hide your face getting warmer. But instead of letting you, he kept you in his touch , pulling your face closer to his chest. Making you lay down on him. You and Dominik watched the sun set , as you rested on his chest. He took glances at you from time to time, but no words were exchanged. Just the love for each other , lingering in your hearts.

A/N- I hope You like this lovley!! Thank you all for the support on my fics it means alot!! 💕

[jordisblogg]

just a quick melody

producer!shuri.u x singer!reader

warnings: fluff, reader & shuri have a daughter

a/n: i’ve been obsessed with empire & producer!shuri like…it’s unhealthy atp. this is rlly short but, i just wanted to put something out while im busy.

it was in the middle of the night, you and shuri were working on a song in the studio room after just putting your daughter, amani, to bed. shuri had offered to help you with your new album, and who were to reject? your girlfriend saved your ass multiples times, you knew she’d do good on this.

as she was working on the beat, you were finishing up your lyrics when—

“MOMMY, MAMA!!” you heard your daughter from upstairs. you and shuri shared a look before dropping your work and heading to her bedroom.

“coming, baby!” you yelled as you both walked up the stairs. once you reached her door you flicked on her lights and there she sat, teddy bear in a tight grip, hair fresh out of her bonnet from tossing and turning, and tear streaks down her plump cheeks.

“what happened, tiny?” shuri asked as you both sat beside amani and she wiped the tears away with her thumb.

“i had a nightmare..”

“oh, mama,” you cooed, securing her bonnet back on her head then bringing her in a hug, rubbing her arm. “what was it about?”

“a big scary monster! and it was living under my bed!”

“any monster should know not to mess with amani udaku!” shuri commented, “they must not know how strong you are?” she pressed into amani’s side, erupting giggles from the 5 year old.

“if that monster messes with you, you know what you need to do?” you questioned, the young girl pondered for a minute before smiling.

“sing and it will go away!” she beams.

“that’s right, encinci, becauseee?”

“monsters don’t like music!”

“and don’t worry, we’ll help you.” you caressed her cheek and gave those pleading eyes as she asked you, “could we sing my favorite song?”

“anything you want, babygirl.” you smiled, and picked up a tv remote.

you and shuri started to snap your fingers in a melodic rhythm.

sometimes you feel insecure, trust me babe, i understand

even with no manicure, just know that i’ll still hold your hand

you and shuri made sure that you both would public radio-fy the song, just to make it more appropriate for her, and she still loved it.

you’re so beautiful,

(shake it, shake it)

give the world a show

(move it, move it)

go up down up down up down

you watched as your daughter started to visibly relax, as she mimicked your hand movements, going up into the air then falling down at her lap.

you’re so pretty when wear that

curly hair, pretty dress, ooo, where’d you get that?

beautiful heart, somethin’ like a bypass

you can go first, i can get you high class, baby

amani did always enjoy seeing you both perform, but you could tell she had a strong love for seeing her mama rap on stage. she would beg you to let her watch her whenever she would be on live tv. you would always have to tell shuri before she went on to use the censored version, to spare the children, specifically hers, she was always happy to oblige.

dang, you’re so perfect, underneath the surface and you got a (smile like the sunshine)

you keep it classy

your shoes are giuseppe, and dang it! (you got me tongue tied, baby)

you both hopped up from the bed, and as shuri began to tuck amani back in her covers, she lowered and slowed her voice.

amani yawned as her head hit the pillow, snuggling up as sleep overtook her.

youre so beautiful (shake it, shake it)

give the world a show

go up down, up down, up down

placing a final kiss to your daughters forehead, she finally knocked out.

you and shuri quietly closed the door behind you, leaving amani to go throughout the night without a single nightmare.

[evelili]

I know it’s been ages since I sent one of these, I’ve been busy and I’m still busy so I don’t have time to read the full chapter BUT!! Here’s some of my thoughts and favorite lines from the beginning of this chapter. The Final Trial.

I really love how you write the memory sequences in this story. They all flow really well and don’t feel redundant!! The reveal of these memories twilight has hidden of Luna are so good!! God!! Her devastation when she realized she had forgotten someone as important as Celestia’s SISTER her AUNT is AMAZING!!

-

her hair pulled back into a ponytail, her legs bare below the knees of a ridiculous pink-and-purple skort that she’d have been mortified to wear past puberty—eight or nine, then, she decided. It’s probably summertime, too.

-

God this mental image is so cute!! I had to google what skorts are but yeah they definitely fit Twilight and her character, especially as a kid!!

-

Twilight waited for her younger self to voice the familiar retort she thought she’d known her entire life—magic isn’t real; magic doesn’t exist; magic is fictional and fantastical and lies. But instead of a rational dismissal she heard her voice ask something completely wrong instead:

“You’re really going to show me how?”

And Twilight didn’t hear anything else after that.

-

DAMNNN this sequence is so good!! The way twilights world is just DESTROYED by this is fantastic!!

-

“Well, I wanted to check in on the two of you.” The door swung further open, and suddenly Twilight was face-to-face with the Celestia of her childhood—younger by nearly a decade and yet still recognizable in almost every way. She hadn’t ever thought time had changed her mentor much, but the contrast between present and past was far more blatant when not viewed as a gradual shift. No laugh lines. No grey hairs. No ice in her eyes.

Just a Celestia whose very presence made Someone bristle in response.

-

This description of her is DEVASTATING. She’s both somehow unhappier and so much happier with Luna in her life. The way you write her is stunning and I’m loving the conflict between her wanting Luna to focus on the future and Luna who is focused on enjoying the present. It’s a very cool conflict and I love how you’re handling it!! Them both caring more about twilights emotions than each other’s is heartbreaking

-

It did—to both the Twilight of the present and the past. “Yeah,” she said quietly. “I get it.”

-

Fuck this line is FANTASTIC. The understanding twilight finds in her memories of Luna are fantastic and I’m very curious on how this will impact how she handles Nightmare going forward. Unfortunately I can’t read anymore tonight, but I love it so far!!

STOP THE CLOCK. I FORGOT THIS BANGER LINE: “You believe in magic, Twilight,” she said gently. “And so long as you do, that’s belief enough for me.” The way you write Luna and how much she and celestia both love twilight is DEVASTATING

(combined ur two asks together) WAHHHH thank u so much for the asks!!! and no worries abt taking ur time w the story, u only get to read once for the first time after all!

this chapter is definitely Up There in terms of how happy i am with how it turned out, im rlly glad u liking it so far! i dont know how much i can say without spoiling things, but a reminder to read on fimfic to get the Full Experience (epub missing images my nemesis), a rather important section will b missing otherwise!!

i think to me a big aspect of luna and celestia's relationship in the show that kinda got glossed over was that celestia may not have realized how her actions affected luna until too late. and, it's kind of the "road to hell with good intentions" thing, bc i dont think celestia is the bad guy (at least in tte) for believing that the best way to help someone is plan, prepare, try to think ahead and look forward, etc. but, this kind of mindset can clash with someone who, at that moment, finds the prospect of thinking about the future so impossible. writing from life helped a lot in this regard :)

also, completely unrelated but also related, have a meme :D and thanks again for reading!

[krash-and-co]

hey krash, i wanted to reach out and say that i'm so sorry that you got such a hurtful reaction from one of the l&co servers for speaking up about something that genuinely needed to be addressed. i won't badmouth anyone in particular but this is not the first time this fandom has dogpiled someone over a misunderstanding, and when it happened to me i had severe anxiety over it for about a week even after it was resolved, and eventually left because of it. it left a pretty bad taste in my mouth for the fandom in general, so i mostly just stick to my small group of mutuals now lol. i wish this fandom truly was different from other fandoms, but this kind of thing is unfortunately inevitable once something reaches a certain level of popularity. but that certainly doesn't make it okay, and you didn't do anything to deserve the reaction you got. i hope you can feel peace about it soon, and i'm sorry again that it happened at all. 🫂

(please don't feel pressured to answer this if you'd rather the matter be left alone, i totally understand. i just wanted to send you an ask because i didn't know if you're comfortable with dms.)

hi im so sorry i forgot to answer!!! thank you so much this means so much to me. 💙💙💙 i read this for the first time when i was feeling pretty attacked and it really cheered me up <3

hmm other people have been telling me about how they got attacked in this fandom too. and maybe this shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did. but it's something fans never talk about and claim doesn’t exist, so i thought it didn’t. i was horribly fooled lol. as, uh, i am about to rant about; do you mind? u don’t have to read it, i won’t be offended, but halfway thru answering this ask it turned into a rant i wanted to release into the world lol, so sorry about that 😭😭😭

very important disclaimer!!! this is NOT about everyone. ABSOLUTELY NOT. most of you are absolutely amazing people, and i assure you if ur worried this is about you, it’s prob not lol

ANYWAYS!!!

im kind of feeling i was betrayed?? ig? i rlly believed everyone was so kind, and look what i know now. it genuinely seems like people are gaslighting themselves. how else do they only see our ‘harm?’ yeah, our fandom is known for being passionate, but saying we’re known for kindness is starting to make me sick. maybe we were, i know a lot of us still are, but throwing that out there in the middle of your hypocritical hate post seems like justification for the shit things people have been saying. you can say no wrong so long as you’re here. only people who don’t agree with you. so yeah, fuck krash and ljc and anyone else who doesn't agree!!! that totally shows how kind you are and how much you loved the fandom before we messed it up. nobodys visibly mad, cuz we're too scared to say shit!!!

i’ve seen too many examples of the contrary from the “victims,” wailing about how cruel we are the second they disagree with someone. (in a highly hypocritical manner, at that.) “everyone was so happy before this!” no, they weren’t, that’s why i brought it up. “stop bringing hate to this fandom! now let me fucking berate you!” do you even hear yourself? “nobody even cared before, we were all content!” we weren’t all content, we were just silent. it sometimes looks the same.

someone even declared they were leaving the fandom because ‘one person wanted to stop show saving efforts entirely because it traumatized them, and this is no longer a safe place.’ like, what? where did you even get that? for one, there were at least two of us posting together, and that’s just barely knowing anything about what’s happening. thats not even touching on how one of us (idk who the op of that post was talking about, it’s a 50/50 lol) made the fandom an unsafe place for our personal gain. what?

hella kind. hella safe on their part.

another said they saw only old fans agreeing about this so it’s just us being pissed about change. it’s us hating the show. me and ljc being upset about not being the only “big blogs” any more. our fandom is only for the elite, etc. fuck us. yet ljc is getting blackmailed. we’re getting hate replies. friends that try and help get attacked. misinformation spread. how did that even happen? we never once tried to hurt anyone; thank you to those who understand.

but to some, WE’RE the ones in the wrong.

do they SEE themselves? how hypocritical all of this is? or are their heads that far up in the ass of their petition and beloved fake idea of this fandom that they care about more than all of us?

now, this is where i add another “not everyone” message. not everyone is like this, this is not me saying i hate the petition or people who support it. hell, i signed the petition. twice. and once more from my mothers email.

i don’t regret the i love you posts i made, because i still do love this fandom, i am still absolutely here for the rest of yall. but DAMN if we weren’t hiding something under happy Save The Show, I Love Locknation! messages. perfectly smiling faces until they bite. i was surprised to see how many people did.

as if our previous problems weren’t enough, now it turned into this lol. no, that’s a lie, it didn’t. it already was, and i HATE THAT.

ig im kinda spoiled, i never really experienced hate like this from this fandom before. but now i know it happened BEFORE too, and that just pisses me off. it hurts coming from a group who says they love us. genuinely wacko (not the fun kind) behavior :[

i know this isn’t everyone’s experience, but it is mine, and enough others to make me wanna say this. and this is ofc me and @lucy-j-carlyle 's brand of hate, not yours. but it does happen and the constant chant that IT DOESN'T IT DOESNT IT DOESN'T isn't helping anyone. and now I know.

idk what im even saying anymore lol, sorry for ranting. what i mean to say is, thank you, and i wish things were better. and i love you kind people. im happy it’s most of you.

[beautifulmindset111]

Heyyy guys this is my first post today im going to try to enter the void state with the lullaby method! I’ve been procrastinating for way too long and me,sister and my nephew are about get kicked out our home in 9 days !!! So I will be updating u guys on my progress !!! Please comment any tips for focusing!!!!!!!

Day 1- I listened to some brown noise for 13 mins and laid down in a my regular position (on my side) started affirming not for the void state but that my sister had 10k dollars to pay for the late rent bcuz I felt like I needed to that so we can have stable housing then the void state comes along. i turned the brown noise off and tried to just fall asleep naturally and affirm I feel asleep and I affirmed but not I fall asleep anyways , I kept waking up and I just affirmed and affirmed then at 4 something am I got into sats I think and I said I am in the void state and I am I started feeling symptoms like tingling I can’t really explain it but instead I should’ve kept affirming the thing I was affirming before ( aka my sister has 10k dollars) but thats basically it I’ll keep update of any other resultss ❤️! one more thing I think I’m gonna stay awake until I get very drowsy like half asleep half awake or sats something like that .

Final update: I didn’t get into the void state butttt WE ARE NOTT GETTING EVICTED!!!

Btw I will trying a new method to get into the void state! Im using yoga Nidra! And since I don’t know how to link the posts involved with it. you can look in my liking section it will be there!! I tried the meditation rn and it worked like a charm but I opened my eyes bcuz I forgot I had to affirm so I will be making a journey/progress post rn !!! I have so much faith in this method I know this method is going to work for me like NOTHING I MEAN NOTHING NO ONE CAN TELL ME THIS WONT WORK FOR ME LITERALLY THATS HOW I FEEL STRONGLY AND FIRMLY I AM GOING TO GAVE THAT DREAM LIFE NOBODY CAN TELL ME NOTHINGHGG. 😭a lil moment but yea this works so fast so im def going into the void with method and u can too it’s fast and it’s easy I wasted soo much freaking time on doing nothing and now im fed tf uppp so my plan is to try at 5:00 am before school I get to go to school at 10:00 so I have ALOT of time!!! I been seeing 444 1111 and numbers like that for so long and this is my final push. This is my moment to SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND ( in rihannas angelic voice😌💅🏾) I AMM SOOO FREAKING READYYY FOR THIS IM READY FOR A CHANGE NOW I GAVE BEEN SETTLING FOR LESS FOR TOO DAMN LONG I NEEEDDDDD TO ACHIEVE BAD BTCH NOT TAKING SHII FROM ANYONE TYPE GIRL TO COMR OUT OF MEEE! I NEED TO SHIFTT TO MY WR AND MY FAME DR TO GO TO POUNDTOWN WUTH MY VERY WEALTHY SWEET CARING HUSBAND AND I WANT TO SEE MY BABIEESSS IM GOING TO SMUGGLE THEM WHEN I SEE THEM FRFR IM SHIFTING TO THE TIME I WAS 5 MONTHS WITH MYLO (my son the youngest 🥺💙) BROOO IM SOO FLIPPING HAPPY RN ALL HIGH VIBRATIONS ❤️❤️❤️I CAN WAIT TIL I GO INTO THE VOID IM GOING TO TELL U GUYS EVERYTHING RIGHT I SAY WHAT I WANNA MANIFEST IM STRAIGHT SHIFTING TO MY WR INTO FAME DR I HAVE TWO MY MESSY FDR AND MY NORMAL FDR IM GOING THE NORM ONE FIRST. I HAVE SO MANY DRS IM JUST GONNA GO TO MY FDR AND TELL U GUYS SO MANY STORIES BRO IM GOING TO HAVE A FCKING BLAST. LIKE I RLLY NEED THIS BREAK RN (srry for the captions 😭) bcuz i js rlly need to yk get from all the bs happening with my family in general I feel so unappreciated I try my best but it never seems good enough for them. My sister makes me feels like im a burden to her so im js gonna manifest me a dad and leave I’ll still communicate with her I js don’t feel like i want to LIVE with her yk she got my nephew and that’s all she could handle our mother rlly js messed us up. Im js tremendously grateful i stumbled upon manifesting & shifting now i can change my life for the better i can heal finally and truly be myself i can literally travel to any reality to ANYWHERE AND BE ANYTHING I want to. I CAN DO ANYTHING I know I have the power to do it ik it’s within me im going to shoot for freaking stars now.

[imaginespazzi]

CHAPPTTTERRR NINI YAYAYAAY

- NIVI BBY i’ve missed you so so so much! i hope your vacation was fabtastic 💛

- “TW: Explicit Sexual Content” AHHH I BET UR LITTLE FREAKY ANONS SRE JUMPING WJTB JOY RN

- DAMN KK SIDED WITH DAD. i don’t like conflict this is making me sad

- THEM SAYING IT IN SYNC GOD 😭

- “I wouldn’t have cared,” Paige shrugs, “running suicides would have been worth it for an extra hour with you.” bitch, it’s suicide awareness month aren’t you supposed to be nice to me?

- AHHH SHE TOLD HER SHES GETTING THE DIVORCE!!?!!! Why are these freaks not confessing love rn

- “She’s confused when Azzi flinches, like a memory has just pinched her nerves.” THE PHONE CALL???? PAIGE RLLY DOESNT REMEMBER

- THESE BITCHES FUCKED??? yay them BUT YALL PLEASE COMMUNICATE

- OKAY BACJ TO THE NOW EEEEKK!!! don’t be shy paige go join azzi 🤗

- AWWW AZZI RIGHT YHERE READY TO KNOCK

- paige is a little freak with her short response… bitch say what u rlly want 😛😁

- S

- L

- U

- T

- S

- took them long enough

- “She’s always known exactly how to get Paige to shut the fuck up.” i laughed out loud

- “But there’s a part of Paige that had thought that there was no way Azzi could have missed her as much as she missed Azzi. Because missing Azzi had felt all consuming, like there was a constant noose around her neck that got tighter and tighter with every day that passed by” only you would turn them fucking into me being all sad

- stop azzi 🥹☹️ you’re gorgeous girl

- why the fuck am i crying rn.

- paige possessive little shit

- stop the left but you came back for the book joking around is actually making me cry because it’s literally them.

- STOP AZZI SAYING PAIGE ISNT HER DIRTY LITTLE SECRET🥹🥹 I JUST KNOW PAIGE NEEDED TO HEAR THAT

- “KATIE STOP LEAVE THEM ALONE

- The party,” Stephie cries out, “first you went to a party without me and then you had a sleepover without me. I can’t bel-ieve you guys would do that to me. Don’t you guys love me at all?” BYE IM CACKLING WHY IS STEPHIE ME… saying, oh so you hate me is my life motto😭😭 poor girl just wants a sleepover with her paige

- stephie really has paige wrapped around her finger azzi is gonna have to wrap her mouth in tape

- SLEEPOVER PT. 2?!?! where is paige sleeping is the question

- UGH LOVED THE NEW CHAPTER SO GOODDDD

- i am actually dying to find out more abt there actual break up

- ig my main question is abt like kk being upset with azzi was that her just being defensive of paige or has azzi not been talking to the others much?

-hey i finally stayed away from my cliff 🤞🤞

- sorry to say i don’t have rlly have questions and the short reactions today im so exhausted lol, HOWEVER im sorry happy you’re back and as always you’re my favorite evil genius

ily

🤩🤩

- BESTIE I LOVE YOU <3

- Lmao hopefully I've satisfied all the horniness now

- I am being nice to you....later in the chapter

- Ah you're the only person who caught that so far I think or at least who's told me they caught it. But no she does not in fact remember.

- LMAO the s l u t s killed me but yeah just a little bit. I mean can you blame them?

- Listen I couldn't make it all hot and sexy because I fear that's just not me so instead we got sappy emotional sex because you know it's me and that's all I know how to write

- Stephie's so valid for being upset like they really had a whole night without her and she's supposed to be their baby. #FreeHer

- There's been a couple of references but Azzi has actively avoided a lot of reunions and such so KK's anger is mainly from a place of missing her, not necessarily siding with Paige.

[luvuwite]

OMG EXCITING TY LUVU I HOPE I DONT DISAPPOINT

SOO, small context i’m workin on like a story, fictional world, personal project thingy and i’ve been slowly working on the different environments and background characters + supporting characters!! I DESIGNED ONE TODAY YAYAY BRO I WAS SO HAPPY WHEN I FINISHED AAAHAA

BUT YEA this was just a quick concept doodle to see what i wanted to do with her character design and her vibe!! her name is Gylden Bronzeboots (mostly referred to as Cap’n Bronzeboots) and she’s a very powerful and infamous steampirate!! (steampunk pirate) (im obsessed w fictional pirates and the mixture between steampunk and pirates is genuinely godly to me)

i def wanna work on/add some things like bring out more of the steampunk in her design, i wouldn’t rlly know what to do so far tbh but pinterest and the internet in general are my best friends.

BUT YEA i wanted to show this off bc I WAS ACTUALLY PROUD OF HOW THE ANATOMY TURNED OUT AND STUFF AND THE SWORD TOO MMMM 😭 BUT i also wanted to show u bc u inspire me a lot!!!!! especially with design!! you’re really nice and friendly and casual i was very curious of what you would think, i’m very much going out of my bubble for this one but i believe it’s worth it fr 🙏

SRRY IF I YAPPED TOO MUCH, i didn’t rlly wanna randomly drop smth w no explanation TY THO LUVU TY!!

OMGGGGGGGGGG THIS IS SOOOO EXCITING I LOVE SEEING CHARACTER DESIGNS!!!!!!! KIZ THIS CAME OUT GREAT IM SO PROUD OF U AND HOW THIS CAME OUT!!!!!

I WOULD LOVE TO VOICE A SECOND EYE!!!

OKOK SO far i LOVE the concept she holds already... this is SOOO exciting and I LOVEEE seeing the sketch!!

but i will say she looks more of classical pirate than steampunk pirate, and that's not bad! It just means you might need to fidget a bit with her design!

heres another design i did for u!! OBVIOUSLY YOU DONT HAVE TO TAKE IT ITS TOTALLY UP TO YOU but i think since shes a steampunk-pirate that sounds SO FUCKIN COOL i thin she would have a lot more small accessories? im not too sure how to explain it, but also, i think the fact she has a long cape is good!! I changed it to a smaller skirt bc I think if she were to be fixing, the coat would get in the way and cause a disadvantage, and also the long-gloves so that her sleeves don't get in the way whenever she's fighting!

here's also some of the refs i was lookin at if that helps!

[lunabbybun]

(not nsfw, just rlly personal sorry pls ignore if u just wanna see porn hehe <3)

wow i rlly hate finishing a series i love ;;;

when i was in middle school i found comfort in tv shows and books, recently i haven’t been able to watch as many shows as i want or read basically any book, watch any anime… idk what it was, but i spent my days watching tv shows. i have watched so many shows, i was caught up on quite a lot of shows and would watch the new episodes right as they came out and tbh i miss that time when i was able to do that ;;

when i was younger i didn’t care about romance stories, i wouldn’t watch romance movies or read romance books but as i grew up i started getting interested by that topic… i would get attached to fictional characters and their love stories, the fandom ships, and overall just how romance was portrayed because i’ve never experienced it before… i loved dramatic love stories but also the rlly sweet and fluffy stories too!! so yeah i would turn to romance shows when i needed some comfort.

in 2021 i had one of the worse years i’ve had in a while… end of high school, applications for college, not knowing what i wanted to do after graduating, rlly big anxiety and health issues… that summer i came across a new show and got rlly into it, which didnt happen for a while cause i was legit depressed and not feeling like i could do anything, so i stopped watching new shows and all that… that show rlly made me happy! i started to draw a bit more thanks to it!

today, the last episode of that show came out and as much as i loved the ending, it’s been like 30 minutes since the episode finished and i can’t stop crying ;; i just feel an emptiness in my heart, like idk i just feel numb. like it’s not even my favorite show, i just felt so connected to the main character and stuff happening that it rlly just feels like i got rid of a part of me?? if that makes sense??

im rlly sensitive lmaoo so yeah i just feel a lot of things way too strongly (:

yeah that’s it, i just wanted to write that down somewhere ;; so i’ll be back to horny posting once i get out of the numb state where all i can do is cry <3

[chorastar]

Posting this on my main to maybe give it some attention

concept for something I might make in the future w some lyrics from a song that I really like that not a lot of people know for some reason

(why did this take me so long)

the song ⬇️

*unprompted chora rambles below*

okay uhhhh there are a few things I wanna ramble abt here so I’ll add dividers

the concept of the drawing

Ooookay as u can probably guess this is an oc thing 🎉 no one rlly cares about them but uhhh i still post relentlessly :D i plan to turn most of them into a video game (that somewhat resembles Nintendo style games (that’s a whole other thing to get into but not right now) and i plan for this to be a side game more dialogue and story focused than the other (more gameplay and story). The main concept is i have snatched up most of the characters and put them into this mindscape place called the Memorial, which resembles a large marble building with lots of pillars and portals (they have name signs but I didn’t want to put them into the drawing). All of the portals are ways to see into their memories and how their lives used to be (for lore opportunities) without disturbing the events and to put it in a more clear light. As for the characters themselves, in both games there’s gonna be at least 6 different playable characters, and despite the drawing only showing Axel (he’s probably gonna be the poster child for this) most of all the characters will be in this. As for their appearance, within the Memorial they will look more like their younger selves (can be small differences like Axels haircut being weird or Quin having an entirely different hair color) and will wear this weird a$$ flowy dress ish thing (w maybe some char special additives (such as axels neck ribbon thing) (they also can float) (dreamscape oooo) I chose this song for a lot of the overall messaging and visuals from the video. (song rambles belowww) aaaaand yea :D that’s mainly it

this SONGGGGG

(I’ve been planning on doing this for a WHILE I almost couldn’t contain it) aaaAAAAOOkay so I like. rlly like this song. and I hate how few people know about it. It uses one of my favorite vocaloids (they keep switching aaaaaa) and I relate with the derealization theme SO. MUCH. (Don’t ask) aaaAAAAA THE VISUAL FROM THE VIDEO ARE RLLY COOL AND UHGM THE LYRICS MADE ME MAKE AN ENTIRE DANG STORYLINE BY LISTENING TO IT A FEW TIME AND SHSHDNSHNZ. ooo i am calm mhm. the creator of it has only like 70 monthly listeners (which is criminal) EEEE AAAAAAND BACK TO THe VISUals AND SOUNF MMMM IT LOOKS AND SOUNDS LIKE VIDEOGAME MUSIC IM GOING TO EXPLIDE 💥💥💥 AAAND THE BACKGROUND IMAGES MAKE MY BRAIN GO FHUUHDSCBUSDCHUSDCUH (I’m normal. yeeeep) the art kinda looks similar to how I draw and that is very cool 👍 the lyrics fit so perfectly w my brain that it took me a minute to figure out which to use for the drawing cuz they all fit. HOW. yea okay I’m done probably I’m not gonna stop obsessing w this song but it’s kinda late where I’m at so ima. pause (if the creator sees this and my insanity idk if I’m happy or extremely distressed) (this was also… a lot more deranged than the one above…. UH)

That’s all :D srry for subjecting u to my rambles

WAIT. extras :D

the og (but uh…. crunchy ??)

some rough concept but for memorial Axel (w more lyrics !!)

[71eh]

[final boss]

[rinskazuu]

their voice lines about you, as their lover!

just my fav characters^^

INSPIRED BY @fatuismooches and their “harbingers’ voicelines about you.” they did so well, i loved it. y’all should go check it out!

xiao, itto, tighnari, ayato, ningguang, sara, yanfei, childe, diluc, zhongli, kaeya, beidou, cyno, & al haitham x gn!reader

implied that reader is an immortal/non mortal being in xiao & zhongli's.

cw: fluff. use of they/them pronouns. pet names: you’re mostly referred to as their “lover”, and “my darling” in 2 of them. some of them are slightly ooc, but i already put it in parentheses. i tried my best!

a/n: this is my very first post here, and im kinda nervous because even tho ive been writing for a long time, im still rlly insecure of my work. i removed a couple characters cus it got too long.. but if you guys like it, ill make a part two<3

hsr version

edit: please excuse my punctuation, especially the improper use of the commas and lack of oxford commas. (this is an edit made after a LONG time since this was posted)

♡

XIAO

about [name]:

“hm? you want to know about [name]? well… there’s not much to say. what? i’m not blushing!”

chat: meals

“personally, the idea of human cuisine doesn’t delight me much. food isn’t necessary for an adepti but, i do enjoy [name]’s cooking quite a lot. they make the best almond tofu.”

chat: stress

xiao lets out a deep sigh, “[name] is too careless. and while they have such a big heart, they take too many dangerous commissions. on more than one occasion, i had to find them myself, just to see them injured. they claim they didn't call my name, because they don’t want to become a burden but, i… ah, never mind.”

chat: bonds

“hm… [name] and i have known each other for centuries. it really does make me happy seeing them and morax together. ah? he goes by zhongli now…?”

chat: flowers

“flowers? such a distraction... i pay no mind to them. but, i have heard from many mortals that, people in relationships do cherish such gifts. should i pick some for [name]?”

♡

ITTO

about [name]:

“[name]?! you’ve met [name]? they’re so cool right? they’re my best bro, my everything, my one and only! tell me, has [name] said anything about me to you? they said they love me? oh! hm? my cheeks? THEY’RE NOT TURNING RED, it’s just the paint…”

chat: onikabuto

“yeah, i’m the best and number 1 at onikabuto fighting! i always win! well, except when i fight with [name]. somehow, they always win, i don’t know how! they never let me in on their secret too. one day, they will tell me.”

chat: jail

“[name] is great. they bail me out all the time. really, i’m so grateful to have them! they’re fit to be the leader of the arataki gang but, nobody can be the leader except me, arataki itto.”

chat: picnics

“[name] and i always go out for picnics, and then we have an onikabuto fight. even though they always win, i’m happy to be spending time with them. but, you gotta be careful, last time, i spilled some of the juice and [name] got a bit angry. huh? what do you mean i don’t seem like a picnic guy?”

chat: horns

“yeah these babies are painted! i usually paint them but sometimes, [name] helps me cover the spots i can’t. they’re so good at it too. is there anything they’re not good at?”

♡

TIGHNARI

about [name]:

“you’ve met my wonderful lover, i see. yes, [name] often helps around gandharva ville. they do visit frequently, even though they reside in sumeru city.”

chat: sadness

tighnari sighs, “i do miss [name] a lot. i know they come often but, with them being busy working for the akademiya, it does get a little lonely without their presence during the night.”

chat: views

“hm, i’d say gandharva ville has some of the best views in all of sumeru! i take [name] to some of these places and, it lights a smile every time! a lot of beautiful flowers and mushrooms grow here. i do make sure to pick the non-poisonous ones though!”

chat: jealousy

“[name] has such a kind soul, all the forest rangers admire them. how could they not? i’ve never seen them do a bad thing in my entire life! though, it does get frustrating when they stare at them too long… i do admit, i get a little jealous.”

chat: petting

“ah? you want to pet my ears? well… i usually only allow [name] to pet me but, i’m sure they wouldn’t mind either. my tail? hah, now you’re going too far!”

♡

AYATO

about [name]:

“hm? [name]? yes, that is the future head of the kamisato clan. ah, don’t tell them just yet but, i do plan on placing this lovely ring where it rightfully belongs.”

chat: family

“well, with only my sister left of our family, i do cherish her very much. [name] gets along with ayaka quite well. hm, speaking of which, they’re probably spending time together, at this hour.”

chat: work

“aside from being the head of the kamisato clan, my role as a commissioner does get in the way of a lot of things, including spending time with my lover. it’s such a shame. yet, they’re so patient with me. say, traveler, do you think i’m undeserving of [name]?”

chat: bubble tea

“haha, i am quite fond of bubble tea. i request for thoma to get it for me often. somehow, [name] always gets wind of it and steals a couple sips. they probably think they’re sneaky but, i know thoma is always telling them. they’re adorable so, i suppose i can’t be complaining.”

chat: safety

“during the vision hunt decree, [name] was really busy working and it worried me to death. i barely saw them and, unfortunately, i had to ask their close friend, kujou sara. both her and i share concerns over them so, she helped me even though, she was a little reluctant.”

♡

NINGGUANG

about [name]:

“apologies, traveler, i’m a little busy right now. [name]? ah, my lover. well, i suppose i can sit down and have a chat about them for a bit.”

chat: danger

“although i’ve had a couple discussions with the adventure guild about [name]’s dangerous commissions, nothing seems to stop them. of course, they’re very passionate about helping others but, i’m worried they’ll put themselves in danger and i won’t be there to save them. traveler, maybe you can talk to them?”

chat: lunch

“hm yes, [name] and i go out to liuli pavilion a lot. i hear many people of liyue mutter about how jealous they are of them, how easy it is gain my attention and time. though, that does strike up my worry about their safety…”

chat: shopping

“although my job, as the protector of liyue, tends to get me busy, you might find it shocking that i do spend a lot of my time with my lover. we go shopping every week. not that i’d ever let you see but, my closet is filled with clothes that match theirs.”

weather: rain

“agh, the rain is such a bother. on the other hand, [name] is fond of the rain, they often venture during this weather. although i despise it, i suppose i can tolerate it for them. will you be a dear and fetch me an umbrella?"

♡

SARA

about [name]:

"so, you want to know about [name]? i hope for your sake, that you don't have any malicious intentions, but other than that, i'll be happy to talk about them."

chat: loyalty

"yes, i am rather extremely loyal to the shogun. [name]? i assure you that this topic doesn't affect our relationship. despite the fact that i'm not shy to talk about it, i'd rather keep our affairs private."

chat: knitting (ooc? hc)

"huh? knitting... so, [name] told you about that. well, i suppose i can tell you, i do enjoy the simple hobby with them. it tends to release a lot of stress. although, i'm not sure why they spoke about it..."

weather: thunder

"the lightning and thunder is a sign of the shogun's will. i do often announce my loyalty to the shogun but, more times than none, i get aggravated by it. the only other thing that allows me to tolerate it is [name]. they love to huddle up to me and i find it adorable, it really takes my mind off the weather. don't tell them... or you might have to start sleeping with one eye open."

chat: onigiri

"as a warrior in inazuma, it's hard to carry heavy foods with me when i am not home, which is why i ask [name] to make me onigiri. they make it so well, it's packed with flavor and it's easy to carry. i always miss their specialty dishes though."

♡

YANFEI

about [name]:

"have you met [name] yet? you have! hm, the expression on your face tells me the meeting with them was delightful. i'll tell you, being a legal adviser is not easy but seeing their bright face every time i come home, makes it a ton easier. they make me forget about all the civil cases."

chat: comfort

"sometimes, i think i'm good at hiding my facial expressions but the moment i come home and see [name], they know exactly how my day went, or more so what type of day i had. they're exceedingly perceptive and, having a lover like them makes my life a whole lot worthwhile."

chat: late night work

"like i said, being a legal adviser isn't necessarily easy, especially when you have a big case. i spend a lot of nights reading into boring cases, like that will i've recently encountered, however, [name] tends to bring me tea and sit in my home office to comfort me. it often distracts me but, i don't mind."

chat: cooking

"i'm sure i've mentioned how much i love tofu, right? well, [name] makes it ten times better. they spoil me too much, often rewarding me with tofu. i can't cook the way they can. archons, i wonder what i did to deserve such a lover like them."

chat: legal knowledge

"though it may come off as a shock, [name] knew quite a lot about laws before i met them. it wasn't until we got into a relationship, did i know about that. you bet i fell even more in love with them."

♡

CHILDE

about [name]:

"good evening comrade! ah, what am i doing? picking flowers for my darling of course. i see, so you have met [name]. haha, they are truly wonderful aren't they? the more deserving they are of my time to be picking glaze lilies for them then, huh?"

weather: snow

"are you shivering, comrade? this weather is nothing compared to snezhnaya! you really remind of [name]. when i brought them to dragonspine, they were sniffling and whatnot. scared me half to death when a hue of blue took over their face, which is what convinced me to halt my vacation to snezhnaya with them."

chat: sparring

"everything in this world pales in comparison to the thrill of sparring. well, aside from spending time with my lover, of course. speaking of which; they're truly strong. [name] has beaten me every time we've sparred throughout our entire relationship, and they think i'm going easy on them but truth is, i really struggle against them..."

chat: spending

"[name] often scolds me for pampering them with expensive gifts but, i see it as a harmless gesture. of course i'm going to spoil my darling, how could i not?! ah, don't tell them about this one. do you think they'll like it? should i get another ring? i am getting sweaty thinking about their reaction. hm, thank you for the reassurance, comrade."

chat: family

"apart from teucer, [name] hasn't met any of my family yet. i'm fully convinced they'll love them though. they get along really well with teucer, he's even went on to call them an older sibling. it makes my heart swell. nothing brings me more joy than seeing my family and lover getting along."

♡

DILUC

about [name]:

"[name]? of course i've met them, they are my lover after all. so you've heard...? they're a wonderful, kind, and passionate soul. what truly delayed our love was that they're a knight of favonius, a captain no less. but, i've grown to love that part of them as well."

chat: job (slightly ooc?)

"[name] looks wonderful under the dim light of angel's share, don't you think? even though we've been in a relationship for a long time, i will never get used to the way they're always so beautiful. ah, pardon me, i'm being unprofessional."

chat: brother

"tch, kaeya can be quite a bother, honestly. but, [name] always encourages me to reconcile with him. i'm not sure what there is to reconcile... though, i understand they do have only pure intentions."

weather: breeze

"usually, i pay no mind to the weather but, as of late, [name] has taken a keen interest in taking me out to cider lake during the night. it's often windy, sometimes a light breeze will cross us. like usual, they look wonderful under the night's light."

chat: art

"i'm not one to be into art but, it's one of [name]'s hobbies. they spend quite a lot of time indulging in this. everything they've made has been, how do i say this... a masterpiece."

♡

ZHONGLI

about [name]:

"i'm not too understanding of human emotions but, one thing i've grown to recognize is my love for [name]. if you haven't met them, i'd be more than happy to introduce them to you. oh? so, you already have. enlighten me on what you think of them."

chat: gifts

"yet again, i've never quite understood the concept of this human tradition; gifting. [name] has informed me on it and i'd like to get them a present too. what do you think, traveler? something sentimental would suffice."

chat: familial bonds (based off hc, might be a little ooc)

"throughout the millennia i've lived, death has swept past me time and time again. aside from [name], that i met a couple hundred years ago, i've gotten a little attached to xiao, which in turn caused me to keep him closer than i intended. no matter, it fills me with joy to watch xiao open up to someone beside me. [name] tends to have that effect."

chat: tea

"tea is arguably one of the only human invented drinks i can tolerate. it's far better than wine. hm, speaking of which, i often send packages of tea i've acquired to [name]. they seem to love it so, i'd be more than delighted to grace a smile on their lovely face."

chat: painting

"quite like the art of tea, painting is... calming. [name] has been painting for centuries and yet, they have not grown bored of it. i find it astonishing, the way they're easily inspired by the changes of liyue. hm, i do enjoy watching them. sometimes, they would ask me to help them, and who am i to say no to my lover?"

♡

KAEYA

about [name]:

"you're surprised i have a lover? haha, well a lot of people fall for my charm, and it's no different for [name]. though, i was also a little shocked, that somebody could have me wrapped around their finger like they do."

chat: drinking

"often times than not, [name] has dragged me home from angel's share, quite literally. yet, they haven't grown tired of me. i suppose i should stop, for their sake."

chat: intimacy

"[name] and i both work long hours, and even though we pass by each other a lot in the halls of the knights of favonius headquarters, i do miss their touch. recently, [name] has suggested late night dates. that's when we started going out to cider lake to go swimming. the water's cold but, it's nothing either of us can't handle."

chat: secrets

"you want to know my secrets? haha, if i told you then, they wouldn't be secrets anymore, would they? [name]...? well, it's best they don't know about my secrets... for their safety of course."

chat: spare time

"what i do in my free time...? well, i spend it with [name] of course! life would be dull without their presence. i'm often busy, and i drink a lot but, without them, i'd be nothing but a shell of a man. i have [name] to thank for making me a happy person."

♡

BEIDOU

about [name]:

"what do you want to know about [name]? i'm the official [name] guide! they easily make my life like a boat on calm waters. though, i'm always adventuring on the sea, and they're associated with the qixing, we always make time for each other."

chat: souvenirs

"am i that easy to read? well, anyone with the right mind would bring back gifts for their lover, especially if their lover is [name]. they've told me about how much they enjoy the portrait i ordered to be painted for us, even though it's not a souvenir."

chat: sailing

"of course, [name] has been on my boat! it took a lot of convincing and arguing with ningguang to allow her subordinate to take a couple days off... i'd love to take them sailing again one day, but, i suppose i'll have to wait a while before that opportunity comes by again."

chat: occupation

"being a pirate did not make it any less intriguing for [name] to start a relationship with me. initially, it was platonic but, during my time on the sea, i began really feeling the absence of their voice and touch. that's when i really understood my feelings."

chat: drinking

"regardless of the fact that i do hold my alcohol well, i'm afraid [name] has seen me drunk on multiple occasions. they gave me an earful the mornings after. i understand their worries over me so, i drink less now."

♡

CYNO

about [name]:

"you are not the first to be shocked that i have a lover. what? is it because i'm the general mahamatra? my career doesn't often get in the way of our rela- what? it's because of my appearance? what's wrong with it...? ah, i see. i can assure you, [name] is a person who's almost never afraid. they're mostly fascinated by things that seem thrilling, though i advise them to keep themself safe. not like they listen to me..."

chat: desert

"while [name] hadn't originated from the desert, they adapt quite well. occasionally, they have complained about the heat, not that i blame them but, they adjust rather quickly."

chat: rivalry

"hmph, that al-haitham... he doesn't get along with many people, probably because of that awful attitude of his but, unsurprisingly, he and [name] are close. i'm not afraid to lose them to him, no, but rather cautious of him. you can never trust a man like him."

chat: star watching (slightly ooc?)

"i was never a big fan of the stars but, ever since my first encounter with [name], they've always encouraged me to go star watching with them. the sky has hardly any affect on me and even though i agree to tag along, i always spend my time staring at them. they are truly mesmerizing..."

chat: concerns

"i'm confident in [name]'s ability to protect themself but, my title as general mahamatra does worry me regarding their safety. sometimes, i follow them during their adventures to make sure they're alright. what? they've noticed? i- never mind..."

♡

AL-HAITHAM

about [name]:

"apologies traveler but, i am on a time crunch at the moment. [name]? did something happen to them- ah, never mind. your expression is too relaxed for anything bad to have happened to them while i was away. you want to talk about them...? well, ask away, i suppose."

chat: academic

"yes, [name] and i both studied at the akademiya. we were rivals at one point but, somewhere along the way, they had me hooked. looking at it from a much different perspective, i see now, that it was the best thing to have ever happened to me."

chat: knowledge

"nothing halts me from my thirst for knowledge. but, if anything comes close to it, it would be [name]. hm... no, i'd say they're the only one who could. nonetheless, they would never, seeing as they always praise and encourage me."

chat: rivalry

"general mahamatra? i wouldn't be surprised if he wanted [name]. first, after a position he was second best at, and now my lover? i'd like to see that fool try."

chat: reading

"comprehending every aspect of this world and it's secrets is a passion both [name] and i share. i'd have to admit, they're more into the pleasure of sparring over knowledge but, we do often spend our time reading together."

[cheesus-doodles]

AHHH YOUR HC’S WERE BEAUTIFUL JUST AS USUALL 🥹🥹🥹 little question thoughh— would yan bff rin ever let y/n cuddle with him?! I know if he did hed be rlly shy about it and be tense but i cant help thinking that maybe he would like hugging us and cuddling with y/n 😭😭 OR MAYBE IM JUST BEING DELUSIONAL GNN ☹️☹️☹️

Recommended Readings: Yan BFF Rindo HCs; In Juvie HCs; Out of Juvie HCs

Masterlist

‎‎

ahh thank you anon, and happy lunar new year! i’ve been super busy with all the spring cleaning and i’m working on the next chapters of Going Home AND A Friend in Me! :’)

Very good question! HMMMMM I would say yandere BFF Rindo would love nothing more than to hug and cuddle with you, especially if its in a public enough location like right outside your school, or even at your desk - it’s a foolproof way to show everyone else whose protection you were under, and of course who you picked as your bestfriend. But at the same time, no matter how much this baby boy just wants to cuddle and bathe in your attention, he is also so conscious over his image and the ever-present comparison between him and his older brother to the point that he will never initiate. Even if he is dying to feel your arms around him, Rindo will absolutely ridicule you if you bring up that you want a hug, teasing you about being so needy and that you were such a baby, and then pretending to give you a hug before pulling away and making you whine. Rest assured he will not let you go after that without his mandatory minimum of fifteen minutes of cuddling, though he will keep making sure to mention how it was your idea and how he was being so extra nice by giving in and how was he going to be paid for his niceness. 100% drags off and beats up anyone who stares even a second too long because no one gets to judge him and his bestie.

If you simply never mention cuddling or hugging though and Rindo is getting desperate and you still haven't noticed his pouting and slumping (because what is life for this baby boy if he isn’t getting his cuddles goddammit), Rindo’s solution would be to simply get between whatever you were trying to do, wrap his arms around you, pick you up and walk off. Doesn’t care in the slightest if you were in the middle of a test, your best friend should be your top priority at all times, like you were his. See, he’s not hugging or cuddling you, he’s just carrying you off to who-knows-where. Starts internally panicking when you start innocently questioning him where you two were going because of course he doesn’t have an answer for you, Rindo just wants his cuddles without looking like an absolute simp. So you two always end up at a cafe or sorts with him stammering out an excuse along the lines of “being hungry” but “unable to finish the food by himself”. Anyway it didn’t matter that his excuse made zero sense since you always ate it up like soft serve ice cream, and you were more than happy to allow him to “carry” you all the way to your destination.

Ran always finds it hilarious that Rindo is so shy around you without you even realising it, especially when it comes to cuddling in bed. You’re a cuddly snooze much to Rindo’s delight (and horror), and when you do come over to the Haitani’s for a sleepover and Rindo “can’t find a spare bed” for you, making sure to slap his older brother’s mouth shut before he offers to sleep on the couch with an amused smirk plastered all over his face, you are happy to share a space with your bestfriend. And you can never keep still in your sleep no matter how far Rindo starts off, shifting and tossing and turning until you finally have something to latch on to like a koala. The younger Haitani (while awake) would be stiff as a board, completely tense as you cling to him and try to huddle closer to your source of warmth, even though this entire thing of his idea - would deny, deny, deny even without Ran saying a thing, would tell him to fuck off with a completely red face. And then Ran would wake up to find Rindo fast asleep and his head on your chest, cuddling you back. Takes a picture because its cute but more importantly for blackmail, and would constantly hold it over Rindo’s head how cute the picture looks. Might even print it out, but Rindo would have enough and eat all of Ran’s leftover pastries, drawing a line of how much he would take his older brother’s antiques.

You, of course, would have no idea any of this is going on.

And needless to say, Rindo would absolutely forbid you from hugging anyone besides him, let alone cuddle. Your hugs and cuddles were only for him to enjoy, since you were his bestfriend, so you weren't allowed to hug, cuddle or even glomp anyone, against your natural instinct to do so. You just really liked expressing yourself with a hug, and Rindo likes that, but not with some random stranger - who knows what they will do to you? Carry you off? When he's around, this boy would actively step in between you and your potential glomping target, catching you in your hug and while gently placing a very confused you back on your two feet, send a very stink eye at whoever it was you were trying to give a hug to. If that didn't send them scuttling, then of course they would meet his fists and feet and brick out of your sight. And when he isn't free to accompany you absolutely everywhere to make sure you weren't hugging trash, Rindo would make sure to thoroughly interrogate you over every action you took during that period of time, pinching you when you lose focus and try to switch the topic to something else. He had fingers to break and arms to dislodge after all.

Of course none of this would work the moment Izana and Kakucho were introduced to your lives, and Rindo had to watch in agony and pain as you land your glomps on the Tenjiku leader - he had tried to step in before between you and Izana, but all he could got was a swept leg to his side, which sent him crashing into a table and then a wall. It wasn't fun, but at least that drew your attention away from the tanned boy and back to him. Kakucho is a gentleman about it, catching you by your waist and telling you glomping others without warning is a dangerous and very childish thing to do, though all you do is blink back in confusion; Rindo reluctantly accepts the black-haired boy as an ally, despite the very red face the other sports. He'll have to step up his training of you even more thoroughly to stop this very bad habit of yours when it comes to anyone other than him. But Rindo definitely admits it'll be hard as he bemoans it to Ran who is actively stifling his laugh: Izana is countering him and encouraging you to send more hugs his way, and you were reasons for beyond him listening to that stupid white-haired boss of his.

[bowievanfleet]

it's you [jake kiszka]

pairing: jake x oc (sort of, they have a nickname but y/n still applies!<3)

genre: angstyyy, fluff, enemies to lovers >:)

warnings: mentions of poor mental health and overthinking, cursing, itty bitty tiny mention of skin picking, arguing, emotional whiplash, crying, i am very bad at plot development and dialogue

word count: 4k

inspired by it's u by cavetown :)

a/n: guys!!! its been so long!!!! and i am back with a DOOZY. i don't know what possessed me to write this, maybe the copious amounts of rain we've been getting here is getting to me lmao. but, i am very, VERY happy with how this turned out. this is prob my favorite thing i've written to date. it'll probably be edited/rewritten over time but nothing too dramatic.

also, i'd like to say that the idea to give the reader a nickname to kind of personify them was 100% inspired by the lovely maddie, @hearts-hunger <3 go read her stuff NOW because she's so insanely talented its not even funny. also shoutout to my love @emadamssssssss for helping me out with pepper's backstory. everyone say thank u em!! anyways im done rambling now, i rlly hope u enjoy this. <3

also yes i had to have my little star wars moment at the end. i will not be taking questions or criticisms.

SONGS (v important for this one) its u- cavetown / climing up the walls- radiohead / chinese satellite- phoebe bridgers / i'll be seeing you- billie holiday / lilac wine- nina simone (jeff buckley version also works!)

-----

“oh god, it’s you...”

-----

you genuinely didn’t know why you were there. 

something, maybe an invisible string, or a magnetic field, dragged you to his door at 2 am. you stood in the pouring rain, the water mixing with your own tears pouring down your face. you didn’t have any idea what possessed you to come. you tried to go through the reasons in your head: on the outside, you convinced yourself that he was a last resort, that because no one else was picking up the phone, he was the only one you had left to go to.

“better to be with him than by yourself where you would do something stupid.” you would tell yourself, when in reality, you had only called one other person, josh. who didn’t answer likely because he was passed out on his couch with a bottle of tequila on the coffee table, you knew that was his routine on saturdays. you didn’t have the energy nor courage to call anyone else, which led you to your second reason: 

that realistically, deep inside of you, you knew the reason you had gone to him was because you simply wanted to be with him. you had to do something to satiate the hunger you had been feeling for the past two weeks since you saw him at one of josh’s stupid parties. your body craved him, your mind craved him, every single cell in your body craved him, and it was embarrassing. 

you guessed it was perfect timing, your racing brain giving you a perfect excuse to go to someone. it wasn’t just the fact you wanted to be with him, you needed to be near anyone. if you sat there on your bed, staring at the walls for one more second you knew you were going to break. 

you were overthinking more than you ever had before, mostly about him, but also about everything else. it was all getting too overwhelming, you desperately needed contact with someone, something. it was pathetic to be showing up like this, but what else could you do? text him? “hey, i’ve kinda been thinking about you every single waking moment for the past two weeks, can i come over?” the more you thought about it, the more you realized that even that would’ve been better than standing at his door in the pouring rain. 

you don’t know how long you stood there, contemplating if you should knock or not, 

before he took it upon himself to make the decision for you. you jumped slightly as the door jerked open, earthy eyes taking in your state with a confused and concerned spark in them. 

you were confused as well, until you remembered that doorbells with cameras existed. you looked over to it, silently cursing it. you looked back to the eyes staring at you, and realized what a contrast you two must be. 

he looked the softest you’d ever seen him, in a pair of plaid pajama pants and an old oversized guns n roses shirt. his face had a golden glow to it, courtesy of the various wax warmers and candles that were placed on almost every surface of his home. they reflected off of his eyes, making them seem almost caramel instead of the dark brown you would often see. 

it softened them, turned them from a stony tigers eye to a dark topaz. the sight of him and the energy radiating off of him was almost enough to stop the tears streaming down your face, but then started them all over again as you realized how gentle and beautiful he was. how pathetic was that? his beauty brought tears to your eyes. 

his facade was gone, he was no longer cold and cocky, dark and stoic. he was looking at you like he didn’t want to rip you to shreds for once. 

you had only seen this once before, when he was drunk at josh’s house and you were the only two left in the living room. he was falling in and out of sleep on the couch, and after watching him for a while, you finally trotted over to him and draped a blanket over his half-asleep body. his eyes snapped open at you, but they weren’t hostile. they were almost... loving. appreciative. adoring. 

you went to stand up to go to the guest room, but he caught your hand before you could get too far. you stayed like that for a moment, watching him stare at your hand in his, then with a slow, deliberate stroke of his thumb against your hand, he gently let go. 

he looked at you for a split second, and then rolled over on the couch, bringing the blanket up to his chin and cuddling around it. you spent all night wishing he was beside you in the guest bed.

“...pepper?” he asked tentatively. you were snapped out of your thoughts by the nickname he had assigned to you so long ago. you thought for a second about the stupid name he had reserved for you- 

you were friends with josh for a while before you got introduced to his family. you were college roommates, and one night he finally decided to invite his brothers over for dinner in your apartment. 

you decided you’d make a hearty meal of kraft mac n cheese, but with added seasonings to make it “gourmet” as you and josh liked to call it. 

when you were mixing up all the seasonings, you put in a little too much pepper than needed, but you panicked and just started mixing it around, trying to even it out as much as possible. 

when you awkwardly served everyone, waiting for their reaction, jake was the only one to speak up. “jesus christ this tastes like shit” he said. everyone immediately turned to look at him with wide eyes, surprised and embarrassed that he would be that outright. 

“what?!” he shrugged. “just being honest. if you're gonna make dinner for us at least make it good.” he said, but continued to eat the pasta anyway. 

josh looked at you sympathetically. “it tastes fine y/n, just a little spicy.” he reassured. and it turned out, by the end of the night, everyone’s half eaten bowl of mac n cheese ended up on the counter next to jake's empty one. 

if you had known him better, you would’ve teased him relentlessly. but instead, upon doing the dishes, you smiled fondly at the empty bowl. the first of many small signs that there wasn’t all hostility between you two.

that didn’t make the name stick, however. what made “pepper” become official was at one party the twins had thrown. you and josh were busy setting up everything beforehand, while jake was on a beer run. “what do you wanna start out with?” josh asked, flaring his hands dramatically toward the family’s extravagant vinyl collection. “hmmm...” you debated, kneeling down to scour through the records. once you found what you were looking for you demanded josh to turn around, wanting it to be a surprise. you carefully placed the needle on the black disc, the opening sounds of sgt, pepper’s lonely hearts club band ringing out into the spacious living room. 

josh instantly turned around with a grin, taking your hands in his obnoxiously, the both of you starting to scream out, “IT WAS TWENTY YEARS AGO TODAY, SERGEANT PEPPER TAUGHT THE BAND TO PLAY!” 

you loved moments with josh like this, screaming out songs you both loved, not a care in the world. you always felt so alive. that was, until you heard the door open, choosing to ignore it until you saw his figure stalk through the doorway. 

he gave you a simple scoff and an eye roll, before quickly taking the bags in his hands to the kitchen and returning to the living room archway, leaning against it in a manner that made you want to storm over there and kick him. 

“you’re just pepper all the way around aren’t you?” he teased, you flipping him off while josh muttered a “shut the fuck up, jake.” 

you started toward the kitchen to start setting the drinks out, jaw clenched in irritation. 

why did he have to ruin everything? you were having a great time with josh, your own sunshine, before the rain had to storm in and drown it out. 

“awe, did i make you upset, pepper? i’m sorry.” he mocked, fake pity in his tone. “just fuck off.” you gritted, tring to focus on getting the drinks set out. “of course pepper, anything for you.” he teased, raising his hands in surrender and stalking off somewhere else in the house. 

-

you stared at each other for a long while, almost talking with your eyes. 

after a moment, his flashed with a gentleness you had never before seen in your entire time of knowing him, not even that night on the couch, and the only thing you knew, right then and there, was that you needed to be in his arms. 

you let out a shaky exhale, “jake-” you sobbed, all but lunging toward him. your body crashed into his, your arms winding around his middle and your head finding a home in his neck. 

he stood frozen for a second, obviously not expecting your sudden action, but after half a second of hesitation, he closed his eyes and let you melt into him, wrapping his own hands around you slowly, one belting around your lower back to keep you upright and the other going to the back of your head, threading through your hair and scratching your scalp lightly. 

he would switch between scratching your head once he figured out you liked it, and slowly rubbing his hand over your hair, smoothing it down. 

the two actions made you cry even harder, your hands finding their way up his body and around his neck, trying to get as close as humanly possible to him. if you had it your way, you would melt your body into his. you wanted to mold him for the rest of time, to never ever let go, to always have his body pressed to yours. 

you knew this was the worst thing you could ever do, because the second this was over, you’d never be able to live without touching him again. you’d need it like you need air to breathe. every second of every day you'd need it. how would you be able to go on after this? constantly craving his arms around you, his hands anywhere and everywhere on you, his breath letting out soft puffs against your skin. you didn’t want to even think about it right now, so you let him hold you while you held him. 

he must’ve felt the same way about letting go, so instead of pulling away, he took his arm off your back to close the door softly, immediately returning it. 

he walked backwards to the couch, sitting you down without ever loosening his grip on you. he laid back, pulling you with him as he pushed your face gently into his chest, giving you something to cry on. 

you laid there for what felt like hours, even though it was probably only ten minutes, before all that was audible anymore was your occasional sniffle and his gentle breathing. 

“y/n...?” he whispered, still stroking your hair. “yeah?” you squeaked, bracing yourself for the arguing and embarrassment and teasing to start. but it never did. 

“what happened?” he asked, concern evident in his voice and you knew he genuinely cared about your response. but that scared you. why would he care about your feelings? it surprised you that he was even touching you right now, let alone asking about you. 

it was an act of human decency that he usually didn’t show. jake kiszka couldn’t give two fucks about anyones feelings excpet maybe his brothers’.  

you leaned up on your hands, hovering over him. you stared at each other again, his hands finding a home on your back, yours resting on either side of his face. you slowly sat up, forcing his arms to drop from you. 

“i’m sorry. i don’t know why i came here. just- no one else was answering and it was all getting too much and i just didn’t know where else to go and-” 

“hey.” he interrupted, grabbing your hands from where they came up to cover your face. “i don’t want you to apologize i just.. want to know why you came to me.” he said, trying to choose his wording carefully. 

you chewed on your lip, trying to come up with an answer before you realized the only one you had come up with involved being vulnerable, and you were absolutely not in the right state for vulnerability right now, despite the fact you had just cried into his chest. 

you got up and walked to the kitchen, searching for water and trying to buy a few minutes. you knew exactly where he kept them, so you grabbed one and went back to sit on the couch, further away from him this time. he noticed this, a flash of disappointment coming over his face. 

he looked at you as you drank your water and set it down, being the most patient you’ve ever seen him. 

you stared at nothing for a moment, noticing how his hands clenched and unclenched, as if he was yearning to touch you again. you were yearning too, but you couldn’t touch him again until you knew for certain that this wouldn’t be the only time.

“jake...” you trailed, both of your eyes holding so much intensity. he gave a look of realization, finally reaching to grab your hands like he had been so desperate too. you flinched away instinctively, you were going to keep your word on not touching him again. you started to get frustrated, “why do you all of a sudden care so much? you should’ve just fucking told me to go home the minute you saw me.” 

that cold facade slipped back on his face, a look of confusion and disappointment taking his face. “did you just want me to leave you out there in the fucking rain?! cause i would’ve been glad to do that if you really wanted me to, you should've just said so.” 

“well you’ve never cared before!” 

“i’m not heartless y/n!!” he hissed, pointing an accusing finger at you. 

“you think i am but I'm not. i just don’t see the point in wearing it on my fucking sleeve all the time.” that hurt. you’d always been a very outwardly emotional person, it was one of your biggest weaknesses, and to hear it being used against you stung like hell. he saw that comment affected you but he kept going. 

“if i was heartless, i wouldn’t have sat here and fucking held you like i did. as much as i fucking hate touching you, i did it to comfort you. because i'm not as cold as you think i am y/n.” your head snapped up, something he said catching your attention. 

“why do you hate touching me?” you inquired, brows furrowed. he shut his eyes for a second, before he dodged the question. 

trying to be as soft as he could again, he spoke, “why did you come here, pepper?” 

you thought for a second. “i don’t know. i just needed someone. i couldn’t be by myself anymore.” 

“why not?” he questioned, curiosity gleaming in his eyes. 

“because my mind would’ve driven me insane.” you admitted, looking down at your hands in your lap, picking at your nails. 

you were hyper-aware of the fact that you were slowly drifting more and more towards him. 

“what were you thinking about?” he questioned softly. 

“jake i can’t do this right now. i can’t talk about this.” 

“then i ask again, why did you come here?!” he almost begged for an answer. you finally looked back up at him, trying to distract yourself with the melting chocolate of his eyes. somehow he must’ve known your answer, he could always read you like an open book. 

he could tell that you two were on the same page, you just weren’t ready to be that vulnerable with him. so, he gave you a head start.

“you wanna know why i hate touching you?” he asked, his voice tense. you sniffled and gave a nod. he leaned in closer to you.

“because you, you are so fucking addicting that if i touch you i almost can’t let go. you have no idea how hard it was to let you go just now. i’m so hopelessly desperate for you, pepper. now, i have a good idea of why you came here. but i need to hear you say it, baby.” the pet name pushed you over the edge, and before you knew it, the tears were back and you were babbling out your confession. 

“it’s you, jake. it’s always been you.” you sobbed, leaning forward to press your forehead to his chest. he finally reached up to your hair again, almost audibly breathing a sigh of relief when his hands finally made contact with you again. 

“and i’m scared. i’m so scared of how i feel right now. its a need- i need you. i need to be near you. but i can’t- we can’t. we’re not good for eachother, we never have been jake. we bring out the worst in each other.” 

“i know, i know.” he soothed. “i feel it too y/n, i’ve always felt it. from the moment i saw you. it’s terrifying.” he agreed, and all you could muster was a small nod in understanding. 

“you make me want to be better. sometimes that feels good, the fact that i can change for you, to make you happy. but a lot of the time... it feels like it’ll never be enough.” he confessed. “jake, i don’t expect you to change for me. i don’t want you to.” he soaked in the words, leaning down to rest his cheek on the top of your head. 

“you know, i think you bring out the best in me. you know damn well i wouldn’t do this with anyone else.” he chuckled. you let out a small laugh too, leaning more into his chest. “jake im so scared. t-this feeling... it's so strong, too strong. why do you do this to me?” you begged. “i could ask you the same thing.” he said, hugging you tighter. 

“we have so much to work out before we can do anything. i mean we can't even go 10 minutes without arguing. jake we hurt each other too much.” you reasoned, trying to convince yourself more than him. 

“love is supposed to hurt, isn't it?” he countered. 

love.

you knew that’s what it was, you were just far too scared to actually address it. loving someone that had been heartless and selfish to you for the past 7 years wasn’t possible. but if it wasn’t,  then why did you feel the need to have his body near yours at all times? there was a part of you, and you could feel it in him too, that needed to have the pain soothed by him. it was like a fire burning in your stomach, and he was the water to put it out. his arms were where you were supposed to be. forever.

“we can’t walk away from this anymore, baby.” he added, making your body shake again with sobs. that's all you wanted to do. you wanted to run away and never see him again. 

that way, maybe the fire would die out and leave tiny embers that could be satiated by someone else. but you knew. you knew no one could put it out but him. he was the only one that possessed the right water to extinguish the flame of yearning in you. and you knew you were the only one to put out his.

and so, you let him hold you as you cried for the second time that night, grabbing at each other to get impossibly closer. you knew there was no going back now, that you were about to walk off the diving board and never get back up. but you wanted it. you knew you needed it. 

“there’s too much going against us.” you borderline begged. begged him to find a way out of this, begged him to push you away, to kick you out, to do something to  stop it. vulnerability was your worst enemy. 

“pepper. look at me.” he demanded, forcing your head up with your chin tucked between his fingers. “something has been drawing me to you for nearly 7 years. i’m not walking away from it now that we’ve finally got it out in the open. we have to move on. what’s past is past, and what we have now is everything we need. what are you scared of, darling?” he asked gently. 

“...vulnerability.” you admitted. he let out a sigh, maneuvering you so you were in his lap. “it's scary isn’t it, pepper?” he soothed, running a run up and down your back. you nodded pathetically. curling into him more. 

“you know what irritates me the most about you?” he asked, but not hostile. you scoffed. “everything?” you guessed. 

“no. not everything. there's a million little tiny things, but not everything. the biggest one though, is no matter how hard you try, you can't hide. no matter how much you duck and run, i would be able to pull you out of a crowd of a million people. no matter how hard you try to keep your head down and blend with other people, you can’t, not to me. you stand out like a goddamn star. that's what irks me the most." he said softly. 

“am i supposed to take that as a compliment?” you laughed. 

“mhm. it’s painful for me but you should know. sometimes i feel like you and me are the only two people in the room. you drown everyone else out.” he confessed as your eyes filled up with tears again, but not sadness this time. 

this time, it was an overwhelming blanket of love that draped over you. 

the relief that you were wanted by him. that you stood out to him as much as he did to you. you lifted your face from its place on its chest, resting your chin there instead so you were looking up at him. 

he softly took a strand of damp hair from your cheek, tucking it into place behind your ear. “see? i was vulnerable with you. now its your turn.” he encouraged lightly. 

you looked up at him for a second more. the words were on the tip of your tongue, running through your brain over and over again- iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou 

you finally found your voice: 

“i think i love you, jake.” you stated, voice faltering near the end. he cupped your jaw in his hand, 

“i know.” he nodded, his eyes filling with tears too as your hands threaded through his hair, clutching at every part of him you could reach, as your lips finally melted into his.