#but im not about to pay 22 dollars

[presidentcircles-assistant]

spherius…

[g0ldenbritney]

TATE LANGDON ABCS (sfw)꧂

a/n: HAPPY HALLOWEEN🎃..sorry i skipped some letters im a lazy bitch

A = Affection

physical touch for sure, playing with your hair, holding your hand (or holding pinky fingers because thats cutesy as fuck), kissing cheeks and noses (im a SUCKAA for nose kisses and so is he<3). Im just imagining you leaning in to kiss his nose, but he thought you were leaning in for a lip kiss, and it ends up being kinda awkward and you bump into eachother😭😭. Tbh i can’t see him being great at communication especially because he’s a literal teenage boy but though he might now be able to say it he can definitely show it with acts of service like helping with chores

You were at school, trying to focus on your worksheets and actually listening to the teacher speak about..whatever she was teaching, all you can think about is getting back home and all the homework and fuckin chores you had awaiting for you.

once you did get home, you opened the front door and you could smell how good the house smelt, on more exploration the entire house was cleaned and all your chores were done. You walked into your room and your homework was completed on your desk..i mean all the answers were wrong but its the thought that counts.

B = Best friend

Im going with alive Tate for this, I have a mood board on Pinterest for this!! (adrienjoyer)

Sharing cigarettes, sharing cds, sharing shoes, sharing clothes, FREE RAIN OF HIS STUFF. He will let you have anything, need a pencil in class…actually he doesn’t have one either but he will scavenge around for one—and if he only finds one? It’s *our* pencil now. (i need to smack that mans ass on the stairs) (i do that to all my friends) Oh? You have 10 bucks? Well he has 7…that mean its OUR 17 dollars to spend on pizza

(based on a scenario that actually happened to me LMAO 😭😭)

It was late at night, you both were hanging out at your house and it was like 2am, suddenly you both have the craving for pizza..you both counted your cash and quarters, you had 13 bucks in total so you thought a small pizza would fine..yeah no. Tate called up the local Pizza Hut and ordered a small pizza with nothing but cheese and pepperoni and it was 22 FUCKING DOLLARS?? And so you both ran around the house looking for quarters…

you ended up paying the money in quarters to that poor pizza delivery girl at 2am.

C = Cuddles

Depends on how he’s feeling tbh, i can see him as a chest layer. Lying on your chest as you stroke his hair, or the other way around he would be just fine with that as well.

D = Domestic

OF COURSE!! I can see him totally wanting that but like..not till he’s like 30. He wants to do all this stuff first before he settled down, but he definitely wouldn’t mind a partner..some kids, a dog maybe. He’s pretty good at cooking, if you count Kraft mac and cheese and grilled cheese or really anything with cheese.. (the man likes cheese what can i say) and he REFUSES to use a dishwasher, he will be washing dishes old style and you cant stop him.

E = Ending

no.

G = Gentle

Sometimes he might go to far, if you two are just friends and hes joking around and he actually hurts your feelings he would squeeze your shoulder and tell you a quick “sorry.” And it usually makes you feel better. He is very gentle with you when you’re having a bad day maybe just upset or stressed about exams he will maybe rub your shoulders or something and maybe get you to laugh to calm your nerves. If you are in a good mood, hes still gentle, holding you, holding your hands, being careful.

H = Hugs

He loves them!! I dont even care what you have to say or as much as he tries to push you off when you hug him he LOVES HUGS. If you two are just friends and you hug him he might be a little hesitant but he will hug you loosely back. This is totally pointed towards me because im very physically affectionate with my friends and hug them after school everyday, if you, like me, run up to him at his locker and basically throw yourself at him he will laugh and let you hug him and yap. If you’re dating and you hug him he will definitely hug you back and kiss your head :)

I = I love you

He thinks the whole “3 month rule” is bs. He’ll say that shit whenever he wants to. If he wants to say “I love you” immediately after you starting dating god damnit it will happen!!! He definitely says he loves you if you’re just friends to

J = Jealousy

Actual jealous baby

Im just imagining someone flirting with you in class do you immediately tell him as soon as you can because you tell him everything and he genuinely TWEAKS THE FUCK OUTTT, like hes actually geeked

like wdym someone else might have a little crush on you…NO. That person will become his biggest opp and you are told to stay away.

You were in 1st hour and you were assigned partners, luckily you knew the person you were assigned with thought they were a little strange…but they started subtly flirting you. They said sorry for being awkward and they “get nervous around people like you” which sounded like a flirt to you

so when you got to lunch, you immediately told Tate, he literally could run to that kids class right now and fight but he just whips his head around at you

“I hated that guy anyway…stupid.”

K = Kisses

Can range from sweet little ones to full blown makeouts hickeys..he prefers sweet ones on the face in the daylight but at night this man is freaky asf. His kisses are soft and slow but he can be a bit quicker if you really want him to

Q = Quizzes

he had a notebook for stuff about you, if you accidentally drop a little fun fact about you he will know about it and he will write it down, ranging from your favorite juice or if you have a mole under your jaw. He knows it all. If he ever forgot anything and i mean ANYTHING about you I dont think he would forgive himself

T = Try

Tbh i dont think he would put a lot of effort in, he just likes to be around you. (Though the mcdonalds dates are FIRE.) he likes having sleepovers with you at tour house only, watching movies, eating snacks till you feel ill, cuddling, if you’re down to get Applebees that would be even better and you would both ask the waiter for the gummy sharks in your sweet drinks separately (yes ive done that before). But if you really really wanted anice romantic date maybe he would give you flowers or something

U = Ugly

Nail biting (you put bandaids over his nails so he’ll stop :)), excessive social media usage (this guys is chronically online holly shit freaking 4chan user), ive always imagined him little tics, like twitching when hes anxious.

X = Xtra

i want to bake him a cake

Z = Zzz

THIS MAN CAN NEVER SLEEP ISTG

he tosses and turns but no matter what he cant sleep without you or if you give him a stuffed animal

OHH MY GODD IF YOU GIVE HIM A STUFFED ANIMAL I CANT

imagine him holding and cuddling it, and i know this doesnt relate to sleep but imagine him being all sad and crying into it because it reminds him of you😭

[pixelephant]

ok long ass paragraphs of nuance time

so i totally get why watcher has made this decision, running a creative business on youtube is difficult because algorithms are fickle and views are SO obviously geared towards just when shane and ryan specifically are in content. they can’t branch out into new ventures and cast members and ideas without taking a huge monetary risk of if people will actually watch the damn thing. so streaming gives them that opportunity because no matter the viewership, they still get that income.

but on the other hand, the lack of diversified content is exactly why im hesitant to pay money for the service. there’s just not much there outside of shane and ryan led shows. don’t get me wrong, love their stuff! but if i’m paying for a service, i’d prefer it to be something i can go to for a variety of things.

it’s a catch 22 imo, can’t diversify without the money, can’t get the money without the content they know gets them the views, and so it goes back and forth ad nauseam. personally, i can’t see myself immediately paying for it, but maybe in a few months time when they have that freedom to actually change up their roster i’d be more interested

okay shifting gears, not to be the guy that compares this to rooster teeth and dropout but im gonna be because people are picking one or the other to support their own argument and its bothering me. "rooster teeth proved this method doesn't work!" not true, they shut down because they were owned by warner brothers, a big media conglomerate that doesn’t care about restructuring something to make it work, only dollar signs (while also not exactly being well known for being the best at handling their money). i still think rt could’ve continued to exist in a different capacity if they had never sold to wb (and didn’t have so many scandals) but i guess we’ll never know.

“dropout proves that this system works!” also not true they offer VERY different kinds of content (game shows, story based stuff like d20, pure improve comedy, etc.) from what watcher is doing, they are not a one to one. also as good as they’re doing now, they’re still kind of recovering from the verge of bankruptcy, trying things out, seeing what works. the system itself is not a guarantee for success.

all this to say i get why some people hate this decision. it’s yet another subscription based service to pay for in a media landscape that is frankly too rife with them. it makes things once free now costly. it puts exciting content behind a paywall that some people genuinely cannot afford.

but the people making the exciting content need stable jobs. the company needs a consistent cash flow to be able to pay their employees and continue making cool and interesting things. they can’t rely on the fickleness of youtube views, algorithm changes, and third party sponsorships at the pace they’re going (which is also part of the problem, they grew to fast and honestly set too high a standard of content from the jump for how early into the company they are but hey let’s not go on yet another tangent).

i think the announcement as a whole could’ve been more successful if it wasn’t hyped up ahead of time and/or if it was a more gradual shift to paid shows than a ripping of the bandaid. i also think essentially saying anyone can afford it for $5/month is a bit insensitive so now people are just grasping onto that instead of discussing the reasons for the change. but saying, “a majority of your audience is broke college students this isn’t the move!” isn’t gonna help or change their decision. i’m sorry but they don’t care. companies are not your friends.

[hulahoopsoupgroup]

ive ranted about this to my friend like 3 times this week but ill rant again because im just so fed up and angry.

21st century american capitalism is so dismal. we put everything behind a paywall. you cant exist without paying money and you cant go anywhere or do anything without paying.

you have to pay to be born and you have to pay to survive. if you cant pay to survive, you have to pay to die. theres no escaping it.

most jobs in the usa require a college degree, but a lot of people cant afford to go to college. its honestly infuriating that people cant get the jobs they want because the education is so expensive. why do i have to pay tens of thousands of dollars to the government so i can get a job that will probably only barely keep me afloat in todays economy?

why do we pay writers and artists so little when they are one of the most vital parts of society. where would we be without the painters and authors who create beautiful scenes and impactful stories?

weve overcomplicated society so much that you have to jump through so many financial hoops to just, exist. you have to have insurance for everything. everything costs so much. why do i have to pay over 2 dollars for a bottle of water at work? why are the bags of candy 5 dollars?

all of this just makes everyone miserable, no doubt. i had a conversation with 5 other people and all of us have had severe depression/anxiety, had to be medicated, or needed a lot of therapy/not been able to afford it. and im not stigmatizing therapy in any way. if i could afford it, i would absolutely go, but my job doesnt pay much, so even one session would set me back so far regarding money.

the fact that its so normal for 11-13 year olds to start experiencing severe depression is so concerning. its almost like a rite of passage. ask anyone in gen z if they were depressed in middle school and theyll probably say "yeah." thats concerning.

young people's suicide rates have risen over 50% in the past 10 years. 42% of gen z considered suicide in 2021-22. the fact that i know 3 or 4 people (myself included) who have attempted suicide before age 16 or 17 is insane.

we're so depressed about the future and reasonably so. its so bleak. the world is burning, people are killing each other over such trivial things, nobody listens to each other, and the government is just going insane. how badly do you have to screw up to make a 13 year old want to kill themself because they feel like the future is so bleak?

how badly do you have to screw up to prevent so many people from going to college and getting jobs to support themselves?

how badly do you have to screw up to bar people from something as simple as going to the doctor and earning a basic living wage?

and to think that there are still people who think this is fine. there are some people who sit back and say this all makes sense, that it makes sense that you have to pay thousands of dollars for a few stitches in your hand if you have a cooking accident, that you have to insure every last bit of your life, that people killing each other over ideological differences is natural and cant be helped.

america needs to wake the fuck up and get shit done. its destroying its own future. its making the future generation kill itself because of how miserable it is. fucking do better and maybe you wouldnt burn to the ground in a dumpster fire

[studiesof-fandom]

hey, hope ur doing well. i'm writing a paper on participatory culture and doing a case study of the goncharov event that happened late last year, and i just wanted to say: first and foremost thank you. the google drive with the pdfs is a godsend, and it makes me so happy to see people caring about accessibility. and second, do u happen to have anything on the history of fandom on tumblr specifically? like, how/why tumblr became a space for fandom to operate on, and such. 1/2

sorry, continuing here. everything relevant i found online was behind a paywall, and im not from the US so its very hard for me to pay in dollars, as much as id like to. so, if you know of anything, an article, paper, a tumblr post, it would help me a lot! well, thanks again. this blog is extremely awesome, and i bookmarked the google drive to possibly read some stuff in the future just for the fun of it. thank you so much (for a third time. i am very grateful) bye, have a nice day! - @17alternative

I'm happy to help! As a teacher I think knowledge should be free and that's the goal here ♥ About your research: I remember that the Chapter 22 of A Companion to Media Fandom and Fan Studies talks about Tumblr and fandom, but I don't know if it'll help you.

I found a few stuff @ Tumblr's page on Fanlore (tip: to start a research about anything fandom related, ALWAYS start with Fanlore):

Slashcast 42: Tumblr and the New Direction of Fandom

Why Did Fans Flee LiveJournal, and Where Will They Go After Tumblr?

TWC Vol. 27 (2018): Tumblr and Fandom

Our blog Tumblr tag

I never tried it, but this place says the extension works for eliminating paywall, so it might help you.

I hope I helped you! And if anyone here knows other articles, please post the link in the post!

[thiemrossi]

I'm just listening to your new episode and i really don't understand the charter stuff. I remember reading a bit about it here and there a few monts ago, but i didn't really pay attention. What is the point of all this? I understand that the teams pay the series to compete so it's a money thing? How much did they have to pay before/how much do they have to pay now?

Now that the series is finally growing, why would you immediately slam the doors to international teams that have the chance of bringing in a new audience?

Also when you were talking about the masses of women under 25 becoming rossi fans and the alexander rossi brainrot pandemic i was like wow, this is literally about me. Love that this experience is so universal haha

First of all, thanks for listening! I really appreciate it. Glad to know i’m helping people recognize the signs and symptoms of alexander rossi brain disease. As for the charter stuff, I don’t totally understand it myself yet. I’m going to do a full episode about it but is still have A LOT of research to do beforehand. But since you asked i will try to explain it based on what i understand about it as of right now.

1. Yes, it’s a money thing. Idk if teams pay the series to compete right now with like an entrance fee or not. I could be wrong but i’ve always understood it as “if you can meet the cost/logistical hurdles of competing in the series, come on down.” what i mean by that is: getting engine leases (each manufacturer limits how many engines they allocate to the series each year so can be hard to get), getting a chassis (can be hard and expensive to get), getting sponsors/funding (approx $5m per car for a full season iirc), & worst of all finding people to work for you. So, from what i understand no real entrance fee just because it’s really expensive for teams to join anyway. Because it’s so expensive to join/run teams, indycar has the leader’s circle where they pool the prize money from every race (idk how this works) & pay the top 22 cars in the championship a little over a million dollars after each season to give them a start with funding for next season. When the charters come in, only chartered teams can collect leaders circle payments. So it’s basically a reward for having a charter and competing full time. im assuming it takes the pressure off full-time teams because they won’t be competing for their cars existence next season because in the past finishing outside the leaders circle could mean you can’t afford to run your car the next season (like andretti last year). But the real point of the charter is equity for owners. By that I mean, if they ever wanted to leave the series they could sell their spot to another team for a ton of money. Right now, if a team leaves a series, they basically disappear off the face of the earth. Their stuff gets auctioned off but other than that they get nothing in return for the millions they’ve invested in the team. The charter is essentially a property interest. They’re limited in quantity, give certain benefits like automatic entries & are linked to the leader’s circle so they accumulate value over time so if a team owner decides they want out, they didn’t waste their investment & they’ll get paid back for it by selling their charter. (it’s all very finance bro type stuff. think of a charter as stock. you want to buy low and sell high. it makes indycar teams more attractive to outside investors because they see having a charter as a way to make money.)

2. i don’t think the ultimate goal was to slam the door on international teams because like you said, they want this new international audience. if prema doesn’t get charters, it’s because of circumstance imo. unfortunately, they are joining the series the year they’re implementing charters. if they’d joined earlier, they wouldn’t have a problem. if they joined in a few years and paid a team for charters, it wouldn’t be a problem. indycar also fears having too many full time cars in the series for pit lane/paddock capacity in some places. hence why they need some sort of cap. i think they want international teams like prema in, i just think they had to draw the line somewhere. also like idk how current teamowners would feel about giving prema charters when they haven’t even competed in a race yet. i’m not saying it’s impossible for indycar to decide to give them charters anyway though because, personally, i’d like to see it. i think it’s just a question of how bitter are the team owners/other reasons to keep them out vs. how much do they see the value in giving prema charters now.

i hope that somewhat answers your questions but i definitely rambled so keep an eye out for the episode about charters where i will hopefully be able to explain it more coherently!

[kasaneteto]

sorry i simply must complain for a moment

ive been complaining about my roommate too much on instagram so im doing it here instead 🖕 fuck you

MOTHERFUCKER CANNOT TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF!!!! tell me why this man is turning 26 NEXT WEEK and can’t remember to pay me back for the bills. won’t do any chores unless he’s asked to or HE has friends coming over. i literally feel like im living with a teenager.

i’ve recently realized just how much ive coddled him and made excuses for him because of his mental health struggles and the way his parents treated him his whole life. ive also realized that its entirely up to him to recognize that his mental health struggles & trauma are HIS problems to deal with and i shouldnt have to temper my expectations because of that. i can only tell him he needs therapy so many times before it’ll just go in one ear and out the other like every other thing i say to him. he is so incapable of any kind of self-reflection or self-awareness, has no concept of how his actions might affect others, can’t make any compromises without throwing a fucking tantrum about it. it’s exhausting. he requires so much attention and validation in order to be happy. being in the same room is like an invitation to talk to him. AND HE SAYS THE SAME SHIT. its like ive exhausted all dialogue options. he always makes the same stupid jokes that are just *goofy or purposefully obnoxious comment about what im doing* and i DONT have the energy to entertain that shit every day. but it RUINS his mood if you dont partake in his humor and then he just sulks. he cannot be serious. everything is jokey goofy fun time. when finn and i told him she’s trans & that we broke up his response was just to stare at us like a deer in headlights and go “oh. okay. sorry thats just a lot to process” which is like. just such a perfect prime example of how he cannot handle anything serious or heavy. when he got cheated on he was inconsolable and would not leave finn and i alone (and we wanted to help!!! we care about him!!!) he literally would follow us to our room and we would have to ask him for alone time!!!! he’s like a baby!!!! he’s so deadset on finding a new partner and i just wanna scream in his face NO RELATIONSHIP YOURE IN WILL EVER WORK IUT UNTIL YOU WORK ON YOURSELF AND UNPACK YOUR TRAUMA!!!!!!

he always uses money as an excuse like “ohhh i cant afford it” motherfucker. you can’t afford anything that isnt something you want. so you cant afford to pay me bills on time but you can afford a new monitor for cyber monday? you can’t afford therapy but you can afford to get a shitty fake christmas tree because THATS what’s important to you? he lives so fucking hedonistically and acts like he lives paycheck to paycheck when he makes 22 DOLLARS AN HOUR. MOTHERFUCKER YOU MAKE MORE THAN ME. YOU CAN FUCKING AFFORD IT YOU JUST DONT BUDGET OR SAVE AT ALL.

ok sorry i had to get that shit out because im so frustrated with him. i had a party the other night and he just sulked around until his friends came, hung out with them and only them the whole time, then continued to sulk and complain once they left. then sat around scrolling on his phone while my friends helped me clean everything up. my friends who actually are responsible and arent just in their own world with no consideration for others.

its not like he’s a bad person or even a bad friend because he truly isn’t. he’s just so emotionally immature and does not have the strength to look inward & realize that he is the source of most of his unhappiness in his life currently. its really hard to live around given the stage of my life im currently in.

i wish i could tell him all of this to be honest but hes so fucking sensitive. i HAVE tried to talk to him about a lot of these issues too (him needing to he asked to do chores, not paying me back etc) and its always the same thing. he gets better for a couple months but it quickly goes back to how it was before. im just like so done acting like his problems are mine. done asking him for favors. i hate that living with him has made me lose so much respect for him (he has no moral backbone) because like. i can see that he wants to be better. he just isnt strong enough to admit that hes the problem in his life right now. anyways. thanks for reading this if you did lol

[if-you-fan-a-fire]

"MEN SAY THEY STOLE FOR HUNGRY FAMILIES," Toronto Star. May 14, 1934. Page 2. --- But Bench Sees "Conspiracy to Rob Employers." Two Jailed ---- Charged with wholesale theft of bacon, eggs, beans, pickles, jam, hams, butter and other produce to the value of $50, from Gunn's, Ltd.. where they were formerly employed as cook and butcher. Vincent Coruna, 36, and Charles Sammiet, pleading guilty, go to jail for seven days each.

"I believe it was a conspiracy to rob their employers." commented his worship in police court to-day.

"It was the depression," pleaded Defence Counsel T. B. Horkins. "They both have families and have never been in trouble before. Their families were hungry and that is why they stole the goods. Now both have lost their jobs; I think they have learned their lesson."

Their procedure, explained P.C. Franklin, who with P.C. Ellis, made the arrest, was for Coruna, who was on night duty, to collect the goods and pass them out a window to Sammiet who waited outside with a car. The accused were caught on Sunday.

"They were very truthful about the whole affair." added the officer.

Had Lottery Tickets Lottery tickets "to help unemployed dresscutters." were what Morris Wasser had in his possession, according to P.C's Phillips and Scott. who arrested the accused on May 3 at King and York Sts.

Pleading guilty to a charge of having lottery tickets, Wasser was fined $20 or 30 days.

Going shopping in a department store on Saturday, without money, Isaac Harschoff got eight pairs of ladies' gloves, Magistrate Browne gave him one month in jail.

Pleading guilty to registering and recording bets on horse races, Ker Wood Kerr was fined $100 and costs or one month. P.C. French told the court of entering a store on King St. W on Saturday, May 12. and finding betting slips, racing forms and a pay-off sheet.

Driving on Applegrove Ave., on Saturday afternoon, while he was under the influence of liquor. Walter Marchment, pleading guilty to a charge of driving while drunk was sentenced to 10 days in jail. P.C. Reilly made the arrest.

'Twas Wet Week-End "It was a wet week-end. drunks-one of the longest lists in a long time ambled before Magistrate Tinker in early court to-day. Besides the imbibers there were six "wanderers," four "rod-riders" and four trespassers.

The wet weather must have had a had effect, for 22 of the "bottle soldiers were first offenders. They pleaded guilty and were remanded for sentence with a warning. The other eight-second offenders-were given penalties ranging from $10 or ten days to $50 or one month.

Many and varied were their pleas. Some said they had a job to go to, others dented previous offences, and one Joe Tierney, a first offender, pleaded that "it was my brother" when a previous offence was read.

There were four "old-timers." John Strachle, Patrick Beatty, Thomas Field and Leo Kelly, and they were given options of $50 or 30 days.

Kelly's brother. Wm. Kelly, a second offender, drew $10 and costs or 30 days. A similar option was handed George England, who "im- bibel for the second time. Ten dollars or ten days was what Gordon Renardson, a second offender, got.

Caught stealing a ride on an engine tender, Eno Raty and Leonard Lehtinen, from Sudbury, were as assessed $10 or three day..

A similar alternative was given Paul Koyack. Harry Thahek. Joseph Yairil Aicke and Joseph Welk, found trespassing in CPR yards.

"In No Condition to Drive" Arrested yesterday while backing his car off a lawn on Euclid Ave. after it had jumped the curb and crashed through a fence, Peter F. French pleaded guilty to a reckless driving charge in traffic court and was sent to jail for seven days, was fined $10 to keep from going to jail for an additional H days and had his doing license revoked for a month.

"He had been drinking and wasin condition to drive," PC. Little stated.

Remanded in jail a week ago to await sentence on reckless driving charges, Gustau Sturm, Matthew Murray, and John Strupeansky were given $10 or 10 days as options. Murray also had his driving permit cancelled for tone months Lawrence Wilhan for a similar offence was penalized to the some extent and had his permit cancelled for one month.

Up for sentence after spending the week-end in jail. Harold McLeen was assessed $100 or three months in jail on a B.L.C.A. conviction and $10 or 10 days on a charge of reckless driving.

Haul Moonshine, Jailed Seizing four gallons of illicit alcohol in the house of Dan Tintor on Saturday, police charged him with breach of the Excise Act.

"I bought the moonshine for $5 a gallon and sell it for $1.50 a bottle," the accused told the court.

Refusing to say from whom he bought the spirits, Tintor was committed to jail for a month and fined $300 and costs or three months.

Trailing the car of Charles Thornton from his home on Delaware Ave. to a Pape Ave, address, P.C. Sproute and Wellford found 4 quarts of beer in the back sent and charged him and a companion, John Sinclair, with having. As a result of finding six allegedly fictitious permits showing more than $530 worth of liquor purchased under a sofa in Thornton's room, an additional charge was laid against him.

Pleading guilty to having, Thornton said be had only given Sinclair a ride.

"The permits belonged to a man called Dennis," he wore "I was only keeping them for him." The charge against Sinclair was with drawn and Thornton was remanded.

[rhaenicentpilled]

here it iss

1. whats your favorite thing in your room? The bed Duh.

2. how tall do you wish you were? Something around 165/170 maybe.

3. what color is your hair? Brown but not virgin anymore :’(

4. whats a rare fear that you have? Im a sheep even in my fears so nothing out of norm fears.

5. are you single? As a dollar bill baby (heard this from a JT song).

6. has your heart ever been broken? By love? No.

7. what was your favorite thing as a kid? Reading!

8. favorite coping mechanism? Dk actually.

9. whats your favorite love language? To receive? Word of affirmation, to give physical touch maybe.

10. how often do you get nervous? A Lot!

11. if you had three wishes, would you use them? Yes obviously but I would overthink them a loooot that the genie would probably ditch me.

12. if you could be fluent in any language which one would it be? LATIN! Because I would love to be fluent is something as ancient but also more basic answers like Spanish which im alr learning, something from south Asia like Tamil, something from east Asia like Korean or Chinese, something from Africa like i want to know all languages.

13. where do you wish to live? Everywhere all at once, but maybe somewhere by the beach but still city populated you know?

14. what’s something surprising about you? Not sure really. 😅

15. when did you last shower? Today!

16. when did you first join tumblr? Way back then but I keep deleting accounts and coming back.

17. do you want any tattoos? if so, where, what, and why? Yess, i would love a sleeve, maybe a tramp stamp, definitely something on the thigh so basically a sketchbook vibe. No real idea about the actual tattoos nor their significance lol.

18. whats the most prominent dream youve had? Currently thankfully im not dreaming about anything prominent but I used to dream about malls a lot ( yes shopping malls, literally every dream..).

19. whats your dream job? Something well paying, not a desk, something I enjoy, now its just up to capitalism to makeup a job for me.

20. whats your ideal date? Cinema /dinner duo never disappoints I feel but its too first-datey so idk.

21. what do you wish you could do better? Self discipline.

22. what country would you live in if you could? Again everywhere but no country in particular i feel a draw to.

23. whos the best person you know? Cringe answer im legally obliged to say my family and friends.

24. have you ever walked into something you shouldnt have? No? Thankful.

25. whats your favorite holiday? Summer break because its the longer break, but winter/spring for the actual festivities and having fun.

26. when have you been most embarrassed? Last week when i had a presentation and i felt my voice going ooOoOoo Not fun.

27. whats your favorite halloween costume? Dont celebrate Halloween myself, but for people I love either really weird costumes or really slutty ones.

28. what are you best at? Dk 🫣

29. do you know how to tie your shoes? Yup! I do the bow/ bunny ears one.

30. do you have siblings? Yup! Im a middle child lets keep it at that.

31. if you could know one thing about the future what do you wanna know? Weird answer but hows earth as a whole doing :) I love my little rock.

32. whats a dealbreaker for you? If we dont vibe, like realllly dont. I usually have a decent enough read of people so yeah thats a dealbreaker.

33. whats your favorite current class? Something about AI and business, the lecturer is doing too much but the course is fun.

34. how many people have you dated? 0, unfortunately my hair is the only non virgin thing in me.

35. how often do you wash your hair? Once a week, twice if its being really difficult.

36. do you daydream? what about? Yes, usually about my latest celeb crush :)

37. where do you go to be alone? My bed Duh.

38. which parent do you like more? Legally obliged to say Mom. sorry dad!

39. whats the one standard you hold yourself to? To never be stick in the mud, to be constantly curious and active brain wise and i think im doing good so far.

40. whos voice do you enjoy? Music wise? a lot of singers, i dont even mind listening to annoying ones when their instrumentals are beautiful im not picky with it.

41. if you could announce one thing to the world what would it be? From the river to the sea Palestine will be free, every tyrant need to hear that :)

42. whats one thing you wanna do but havent yet? Diving!

43. what do you wish you never did? Actually idk but i dont like living a life of regrets so maybe i just wiped it from my brain

44. do you believe in life after death? Yes.

45. do you prefer book over movie? Yes absolutely because i love imagining worlds plucked from authors minds however with the declining of book qualities i reach for movies when i want something to engage me.

46. whats your favorite season? Spring.

47. whats your favorite time of day? Early morning till early afternoon, then late afternoon till 8 also late nights duhh.

48. do you have a beloved stuffed animal? I do have a precious polar bear from Jellycat, a gray kitty gifted by my precious friend and a bunch of others i dont sleep with them.

49. whens a time you wish you acted differently? My entire childhood but again whats the point of regrets now yolo!

50. what’s something you wish that you never bought? Me regreting a purchase? Please bffr. I do thankfully never regret buying stuff i love buying stuff! Or maybe when i spend the last bit of money of something thats not a necessity i regret it until i get money again

51. do you have your own room? Sorta kinda.

52. whats your favorite book? A poetry collection called “bless the daughter raised by a voice in her head”. Beautifully crafted and i reread it every year on my bday!

53. who’s someone you hate? Everyone but also not nearly enough people 😇.

54. whats your best hottake? Again im a sheep with these takes, but idk i truly think the losses of communities between people is the loss of us as humans.Cold ass take

55. whats your favorite game? On phone, candy crush a suburban mom at heart, a video game is probably Zelda. Dont mind ive been stuck on botw for literal years.

56. whens a time you felt real genuine fear? When the panic attacks hits ha!

57. are you a morning person? 6am morning? No. 10 am morning? Yes.

58. do you drink enough water? No but this reminded me so thx x.

59. how different are you from the little kid you used to be? A lot more outspoken and confident!

60. do you enjoy tumblr? Well ive been back for a less than a week so give me time to hate it again.

61. have you ever had a tumblr experience that made you wanna delete the app? No.

62. whats your least favorite game? bayonetta not because its a bad game because its so hard i gave up.

63. were you a markiplier fan? No, my knowledge of him is his face and name.

64. how do you respond to compliments? Blush and immediately fire it back to them.

65. whats something that would make you fall in love? Im hopeless romantic at heart i dont think it’ll take much.

66. do you believe in marriage? The eternal commitment of one soul to another absolutely, the more boring societal enforced parts nope

67. do you have a crush on someone? Rn? Nope.

68. do you like tumblr? Meh, hardly top 3 sm apps imo. idk how ppl just mainly use it. Is it the nostalgia be honest

69. were you a voltron stan? No i was normal 😊

70. whats your favorite ship? Look at my user! Rhaenicent my beloved doomed yuri

71. whats your favorite song? Rn? Roc Steady by Megan Thee Stallion ft. Flo Milli.

72. do you like loud crowds? Impartial leaning to no.

73. have you ever created conflict on purpose? Yup! Favourite pastime 😈

74. how do you sleep? On my back, or either sides no real preference.

75. do you bite your lips? Haha yes, was doing it just now.

76. do you use chapstick? Yup!

77. do you have any pets? Noo :(

78. what color are your eyes? Brown! Supremacy.

79. what’s something you wish you could change about yourself? Nah we are not doing that, i love myself as it is, physically or otherwise 🫶

80. have you ever had surgery? Thankfully no!

81. whats your least favorite animal? Scared of anything that isnt a trained pet so its a broad category.

82. whats something that youre really bad at? Not to toot my own horn but nothing? I can’t remember anything really and i feel if i wanted something to do i would be Ok at whatever i wished!

83. do you have an sqishmellows? I have a tiny squid thats two faced.

84. do you enjoy fast food? Guilty.

85. do you like soda? Guiltyyyy.

86. what grade are you in? University sophomore baby.

87. do you wear any jewelry? My earrings and nose ring always, and bracelets and necklaces depending on the day.

88. what socials do you use? In order of most usage, Twitter, Tiktok, IG, tumblr now made the list ( i have discord and reddit but i dont really use them).

89. whats your lowest grade in school right now? If im not careful im looking at a scathing C oops.

90. whats the latest youve stayed up till? Yesterday till 7 am oops.

91. did you ever have bangs? Yess, love the buildup to getting them, then you get them and the regrets set it, mine are finally normal length now.

92. what trends did you hate? Any of 20-22 trends really in clothing specifically but the online spaces as a whole sucked then lol.

93. whats your favorite item of clothing? Shirts!

94. do you like dinosaurs? birds weird ancestors. Absolutely!

95. whats your opinion on body hair? Its alright, its there its your body just like i dont have an opinion on peoples bodies, the hair is included.

96. whats your least favorite time? Noon but only for the heat.

97. do you make a wish at 11:11? When i catch the time yes why not a cute superstition.

98. do you have your phone on military or regular? Regular, be normal yall…

99. have you ever been to church? No! Been to another place of worship though.

100. are you lgbtq? Duh im a queer!

ask game

1. whats your favorite thing in your room?

2. how tall do you wish you were?

3. what color is your hair?

4. whats a rare fear that you have?

5. are you single?

6. has your heart ever been broken?

7. what was your favorite thing as a kid?

8. favorite coping mechanism?

9. whats your favorite love language?

10. how often do you get nervous?

11. if you had three wishes, would you use them?

12. if you could be fluent in any language which one would it be?

13. where do you wish to live?

14. what’s something surprising about you?

15. when did you last shower?

16. when did you first join tumblr?

17. do you want any tattoos? if so, where, what, and why?

18. whats the most prominent dream youve had?

19. whats your dream job?

20. whats your ideal date?

21. what do you wish you could do better?

22. what country would you live in if you could?

23. whos the best person you know?

24. have you ever walked into something you shouldnt have?

25. whats your favorite holiday?

26. when have you been most embarrassed?

27. whats your favorite halloween costume?

28. what are you best at?

29. do you know how to tie your shoes?

30. do you have siblings?

31. if you could know one thing about the future what do you wanna know?

32. whats a dealbreaker for you?

33. whats your favorite current class?

34. how many people have you dated?

35. how often do you wash your hair?

36. do you daydream? what about?

37. where do you go to be alone?

38. which parent do you like more?

39. whats the one standard you hold yourself to?

40. whos voice do you enjoy?

41. if you could announce one thing to the world what would it be?

42. whats one thing you wanna do but havent yet?

43. what do you wish you never did?

44. do you believe in life after death?

45. do you prefer book over movie?

46. whats your favorite season?

47. whats your favorite time of day

48. do you have a beloved stuffed animal?

49. whens a time you wish you acted differently?

50. what’s something you wish that you never bought?

51. do you have your own room?

52. whats your favorite book?

53. who’s someone you hate?

54. whats your best hottake?

55. whats your favorite game?

56. whens a time you felt real genuine fear?

57. are you a morning person?

58. do you drink enough water?

59. how different are you from the little kid you used to be?

60. do you enjoy tumblr?

61. have you ever had a tumblr experience that made you wanna delete the app?

62. whats your least favorite game?

63. were you a markiplier fan?

64. how do you respond to compliments?

65. whats something that would make you fall in love?

66. do you believe in marriage?

67. do you have a crush on someone?

68. do you like tumblr?

69. were you a voltron stan?

70. whats your favorite ship?

71. whats your favorite song?

72. do you like loud crowds?

73. have you ever created conflict on purpose?

74. how do you sleep?

75. do you bite your lips?

76. do you use chapstick?

77. do you have any pets?

78. what color are your eyes?

79. what’s something you wish you could change about yourself?

80. have you ever had surgery?

81. whats your least favorite animal?

82. whats something that youre really bad at?

83. do you have an sqishmellows?

84. do you enjoy fast food?

85. do you like soda?

86. what grade are you in?

87. do you wear any jewelry?

88. what socials do you use?

89. whats your lowest grade in school right now?

90. whats the latest youve stayed up till?

91. did you ever have bangs?

92. what trends did you hate?

93. whats your favorite item of clothing?

94. do you like dinosaurs?

95. whats your opinion on body hair?

96. whats your least favorite time?

97. do you make a wish at 11:11?

98. do you have your phone on military or regular?

99. have you ever been to church?

100. are you lgbtq?

[cool-okbutno]

LMAOOOO IM REMINDED OF THE TIME that @m111ng said everytime i talk about him i have to pay her a dollar and being FULLY AWARE OF THIS THE WHOLE TIME i still owed her 22$ in the end

[poisonedapples]

Patton’s Home For Traumatized Kids - Chapter Five

Bad Memories Don’t Erase

Chapter Summary: Roman tags along with Logan and Virgil to hang out at their friend’s house.

First Chapter Previous Chapter Story Masterlist

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of past abuse, stealing, and one inappropriate joke

Word Count: 4,008

Taglist: @shade-romeo, @grayson-22, @pixelated-pineapple, @acrobaticcatfeline, @astrozei, @edupunkn00b, @princey-7258, @eternalmoonlight19, @remy-the-lemon-berry, @look-ma-im-on-tv, @mariniacipher, @bigwendymonster, @nonbinary-octopus

Notes: This chapter’s a little short, but the next one is gonna be really long, so hopefully that makes up for it

On Sunday the next day, Patton finally took Roman to buy his gym clothes. Roman was trying to hide a goofy smile while sitting in the back seat, desperate to not get his hopes up while also ecstatic his plan was working so far. He was going to have Patton stay in the car while Roman shopped for clothes! This had never worked on his dad before!

By the time Patton finally parked the car in the parking lot of the store, Roman’s chest felt weighted from his anxiety, waiting to see Patton’s final verdict. So long as he didn’t change his mind now, then Roman was in the clear. He hoped to be in the clear.

“Alright, kiddo,” Roman’s heart stopped as Patton pulled out his wallet and gave him some money. “Forty dollars should be more than enough for some pairs of gym pants and shirts. Give me back all the change when you come back, okay?”

“I will! Promise!” Roman wanted to jump for joy. It was working!

“Text me when you’re checking out so you don’t surprise me, and if you see something else you might want, just text me before you buy it so I know. Tell me if you have any issues, okay?”

“Okay!”

Patton smiled. “Go on then, kiddo.”

Roman practically leaped out the door to skip his way to the front entrance of the clothing store, two twenty dollar bills crumbled in his pocket. He got away with it! No parents staring him down while he changed outfits!

Roman walked into the store and tried to hide the skip in his step. With no parents to watch him, he could buy what he actually wanted to wear, no tight pants and scoop neck shirts. No, Roman wanted to look like his real goal. His goal of being a blob of cloth that vaguely resembled a human.

Granted, he’d mostly gotten there. His aunt replaced all of his wardrobe, so his current clothes were a lot more comfortable to wear even if they weren’t very fashionable. Mostly bright colored t-shirts and pants, maybe some shorts if they were able to reach down far enough. Maybe once he was more comfortable with himself he could actually test out more styles, but for now, oversized clothes were all he could handle.

Roman’s walk sped up slightly when his eyes landed on the men’s athletic section. He had to be quick with this, he didn’t want Patton getting impatient and coming in to check on him. Roman looked through the shorts and shirt sizes, easily finding a size up for a couple shirts while heavily struggling on the shorts. Roman groaned. It was always the shorts that caused the issue, they were always too high up. What if he was sitting down and the pant leg rode up too far? No, Roman refused to get something like that willingly.

Roman took all the athletic shorts that could fit him and held them up in front of his legs. Most of them only made it to his lower thigh, but he managed to find two shorts that made it to right below his knee. Roman smiled and bounced on his toes, grabbed his items and rushed to find a dressing room. Once he did, he rushed into the first empty area he saw and locked the door. The mirrors on the walls and gaps in the door made it hard for him to change comfortably, so instead Roman tried to press himself against the very corner of the room when he was changing.

Between the six shirts and two pants Roman found, he was pretty happy with most of his choices. Thankfully, the long shorts looked fine, so Roman hung them up on a hook with a sign over it saying I’m buying this! and considered it a success. However, when it got time to look at the shirts, only three of them were good enough for purchase. The white one he grabbed was practically see-through, and the other two had a scratchy inside material that Roman couldn’t stand, so they got put on the reject hook while the other three passed the test. 

For a rushed shopping visit, Roman was pretty pleased with his choices. Two shorts might not be enough for five days worth of classes, but maybe Roman could keep one pair in his locker until it started to stink. Which might be a little gross, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

Roman exited the dressing room and put his rejected shirts on a rack outside, carrying his other items to the checkout area. Before he got in line, he looked at all the price tags and added them up in his head best he could. The shirts were about six dollars each, and the shorts were a little over five after tax. Which means, adding up the extra cents, he’d have to pay twenty nine dollars for the clothes in total. Considering Patton gave him forty dollars, this was plenty.

Roman hesitated for a second. He stuffed his hand into his pocket to feel the money in the palm of his hand while he thought about his options. If he told Patton the truth, Roman would give him eleven dollars and there would be no issues. Patton might let him do this again next time they go shopping, too. But also…Roman had no backup plan. He was stuck with Patton with nowhere to go if things went wrong.

His aunt told him that Roman could always go back to her house if a guardian was abusing him, and he had every intention to take her up on that offer the second the opportunity arose. But even if Roman walked to her house on foot, he had no money for food during that trip. She lived so far away from him now, there was no way to get to safety without a dollar to his name. But if he stole some from Patton, then Roman could have a serious issue on his hands.

Roman slowly walked up to the check out area and handed the teenage worker the clothes. As she scanned all the items with a satisfying beep, Roman felt himself getting antsy. There’s no guarantee Patton will let me do this again. I’ve already gotten away with so much, and the more time I spend around him, the more danger I’m in. But if Patton notices I stole from him, he could be furious. Is there even a right answer here?

“Twenty nine dollars and thirty two cents.” The cashier said cheerfully. Roman handed her the money and she put it in the register, then handed Roman a bunch of coins, two five dollar bills, and a one dollar. She smiled. “Would you like a receipt?”

“Uh, no thank you.”

When the receipt printed, the cashier tore it out and threw it in the trash behind her. “Have a nice day.”

“You too.” Roman squeaked, rushing away from the register to stare at the money. Apparently they ran out of ten dollar bills, because the money was split perfectly for taking without it being obvious. Roman considered this a sign to take his chance. He put a five dollar bill and a quarter in his left pocket and shoved the rest in his right. It wasn’t much, but he could build it up. This was only the beginning.

Roman walked out of the store and tried to act normal instead of anxious. Worst case scenario, he’d say he forgot to bring out the rest and give Patton the other bills. Giving away the quarter also would be too obvious, but he could get away with stealing that at least. When he made it to Patton's car, Roman opened the back seat and tossed his clothes next to him.

“Hey, kiddo!” Patton greeted, “Got any extra cash to give me?”

“Uh, yeah, here.” Roman dug into his right pocket to grab half the money and handed it to him. Patton put the coins in his pocket and put the two bills in his wallet. He didn’t seem to consider how much Roman gave him, instead he started backing out of the driveway and got distracted while reversing. Roman let out a quiet sigh of relief.

He felt the five dollars still stored in his pocket. He got away with it. For now.

***

“We’re home!” Patton announced as he and Roman stepped inside. Logan and Virgil were both lying on the couch, and Logan perked up from his spot.

“Wonderful. We wanted to ask both of you a question.” Logan said.

Patton seemed intrigued. “What question?”

“Can we go to Janus’ house, Pat?” Virgil asked.

“Oh, of course, kiddos! Do you know when you might be back?”

Virgil thought about it. “Probably at six before dinner.”

“Perfect! Just text me if that changes so I don’t worry, okay?”

“We will.” Logan reassured, “And Roman, would you like to come with us?”

Roman tilted his head to the side. “Me? I don’t even know who Janice is.”

Virgil sunk into the couch more. “Friend of ours. Has a snake, talks a lot about philosophy and books. Acts like a tired underaged wine aunt.”

“Right, well, still. Isn’t it a little strange for me to tag along to a stranger's house?” Roman pointed out.

“Janus wouldn’t mind, I’m sure.” Logan said. “Of course, you don’t have to, we simply figured you would like the invitation so you’re not the only one left out.”

Roman’s eyes widened when Logan said that. Wait, shit, if Logan and Virgil are going to this girl’s house, then Roman will be here. Alone. With Patton. Until six in the afternoon.

Roman’s mood change was almost instant. “Well then, perhaps I should go! Make new friends and establish bonds, or whatever!”

Virgil smirked. “Sweet. It’s a short walk, just a block away. Just let us grab our shoes and we can head out.”

“I’ll tell Janus we’ll be bringing a third party.”

Roman let out a breath of relief. As Virgil and Logan grabbed whatever they needed, Roman set his new bag of clothes in his room next to his backpack. He’d have to remember to put some boxers in there before tomorrow morning, too.

Roman felt the five dollars in his pocket again. He took the money and hid it deep in his backpack in a hidden pocket he hoped wasn’t too easy to find. Satisfied with that for now, Roman stepped back outside of his room and waited for the others.

Once everyone was situated, Virgil called out to let Patton know they were leaving the house and then closed the door. Logan and Virgil did most of the talking as they walked while Roman just listened, following behind them and letting the two lead the way.

“Oh, and Roman,” Logan suddenly said during a point of silence, “Another one of our friends may also show up later at Janus’ house. He said he might be coming, so we’ll see.”

Roman shrugged. “Sounds fine to me.”

“Alright.”

No one said anything else after that on the walk. After a while, Virgil and Logan stopped in front of a house and started walking up the driveway to the front door. As Virgil knocked on the door, Roman stood awkwardly off to the side until someone answered.

It wasn’t long before the door swung open, showing a teenage kid with a large birthmark under his left eye. He rested his elbow on the top of the black and yellow cane next to him and smirked. Was he the brother, perhaps?

“I’ve been expecting you.” He said menacingly.

“‘Sup, fucker.” Virgil greeted.

“Hello, Janus.”

Wait, what? Against his better judgment, Roman forced himself to stand in front of Logan to face Janus. “Wait, your name is Janice?” He asked.

Janus put his hand on his face. “Janus. It’s Janus. J-a-n-u-s, not the old lady name Janice.”

Roman felt his face grow hot. “…Oh. Well, uh…”

Janus rolled his eyes and held the door open wider. “Just come inside.”

Virgil was the first to step in, with Logan following after while Roman hesitated. He made an awful first impression, maybe he should just walk around the block for a while instead-

“Come on, my arm is tired.” Janus coaxed. Roman felt too awkward to walk away, so he instead sucked it up and stepped inside the house with everyone else.

The house was quite nice. The walls were painted dark and the carpet was red, but it looked nice in a Victorian era kind of way. On the living room coffee table were piles of fabric and a sewing machine, seemingly making something that looked like a suit. Janus took the cane he was holding and threw it onto the couch. Well, apparently it was just a part of the outfit.

Virgil motioned to all the fabric on the table. “Fuck are you making now, dude?”

“I’m making the refined villain look of my dreams.”

“Nice. When do you think you’ll finish it?”

“Possibly tomorrow. I’ll start on it again after school.”

“Do you make your own clothes?” Roman asked, hoping to distract himself from his previous embarrassment.

Janus smiled slightly. “Less clothes, more costumes. Mostly for myself, but sometimes I make them for the high school’s theater when I’m feeling generous.”

“Oh, that sounds fun!”

“Wanna see Janus’ costume closet?” Virgil asked.

Roman shrugged. “If he wants me to.”

“Oh yeah, just talk about me like I’m not here.” Janus rolled his eyes and motioned for everyone to follow him. He had a downstairs family room with a closet off to the side. Once everyone was downstairs, Janus opened it and let Roman look inside.

“…Woah.” Roman looked at all the costumes, astonished and full of wonder. A lot of them were very extravagant, like they were specifically designed for a dramatic person, so Roman felt a calling toward them. He took a few of them off their hangers to look at; roaring twenties inspired suits and a black dresses with fancy gold finishes. Roman ran his hand on the fabric like they were fancy relics.

“They are quite high-quality.” Logan said, “Costume design is certainly one of Janus’ greatest skills.”

“I can see that.” Roman whispered.

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Don’t make his ego bigger than it already is.”

“Oh no, please do continue, I’m designed to be the center of attention.” Janus smirked.

Roman laughed and put the costumes back on the rack. It seemed like him and Janus were pretty similar in personality, just on opposite ends of the spectrum. Both dramatic artists, except one likes to add that with tons of sarcasm. He could see them getting along quite easily.

“Also, Janus,” Virgil said while looking at his phone, “Rat bastard says he’s coming over. He’ll be here in ten.”

“Ugh, fine. I was getting used to the silence.” Janus sighed.

“…Who’s rat bastard?” Roman asked.

“Friend of ours.” Virgil replied, “You’ll meet him in a bit. He’s a rat bastard. Smells vaguely of cheese.”

“…Attractive.”

“You get used to it.” Janus shrugged. He then smirked at Roman like he got an idea. “Would you like to see my snake?”

Roman’s eyes lit up. “Yes!”

Janus led them all upstairs to his bedroom, Roman following last in the line so he could keep Janus’ door cracked open. As he stepped inside, he noticed a very large cage on the wall to his right. It was very long with lots of wood decorations spread across the container, with a fluorescent lightbulb above it. Roman looked around in the enclosure to try and spot the snake.

Before he could find it, Janus opened the top and stuck his hand in the cage. The snake climbed up his hand onto his arm, and as Janus stuck him out for Roman to see, Roman jumped back.

Janus rolled his eyes. “He’s a corn snake, he’s not known for hurting people.”

Roman still looked at it from a distance. The snake was large enough that Janus had to hold him with both hands, as well as being a mesmerizing yellow color. Roman never had a friend with a pet snake before. “…What’s his name?”

“Lawrence.”

“Nerd.” Virgil called out.

Logan smiled. “I think it is a wonderful name. Lawrence Kohlberg developed the theory on moral development, the very basis for ethical behavior.”

“Nerds.”

“You’re very mature, Virgil.”

Roman ignored them. “I think he’s cool. How old is he?”

“About five. I’ve had him for a while now.”

A buzz came from Virgil’s phone, making him check it and read the message. “Rat bastard says he’s outside your door.” He announced.

Janus didn’t seem rushed. “He can get in on his own.”

Roman laughed, and Janus set Lawrence back in his enclosure so he could bask underneath the heat lamp. Roman still watched his movements from inside the cage. “I wish I had a pet.”

“Patton would get you a dog in seconds if you asked.” Logan suggested.

Roman shook his head. “It’s fine, I won’t ask.” He didn’t really know what kind of pet he even wanted, and besides, it’s not like he’d be able to keep it once he leaves Patton’s house. There was no point.

Suddenly, a loud stomping came from the stairs outside Janus’ bedroom. Roman yelped and ran to hide behind Janus in the corner of the room, but the others didn’t react. 

Roman sputtered. “What the-”

Before Roman could finish, a large bang came as someone kicked open the door and let it smack into the wall.

“I’m back by unpopular demand!”

“Hello, Remus.”

Roman completely froze up at the sound of that name. He turned around to look at the person that just busted down Janus’ bedroom door, a kid with messy hair and peach fuzz for a mustache, ripped jeans in the summer with a cast boot on his right foot.

Roman felt himself choke on air as he processed what was in front of him.

“Slugs are goopy like jello! So jello is made of slugs, duh!”

“Remus, that’s gross! No one would make food out of slugs!”

“What’s up, fuckers!” Remus announced. “I’m back from the pits of hell! Also known as the emergency room.”

Roman didn’t say anything, only stared at him in disbelief. Remus’ voice was a lot different now. He’d hit puberty, so the pitch had dropped a lot from what Roman was used to. A tuft of his hair was white, also. Roman couldn’t tell if it was dye or a condition.

That piece of hair and Remus’ mustache were the only things that made them both look apart now.

“What actually happened?” Logan asked. “You never told us specifics.”

“I broke my foot sucking too much-”

“Remus.” Janus warned.

“Fine, fine. I tripped trying to run up some steps and my fall didn’t look badass at all. Don’t tell people that though. If anyone asks, I broke it running from the cops.”

Janus nodded and smirked. “Noted.”

“We brought a third foster brother, also.” Virgil noted. Roman stopped breathing.

“Oh, really? Shit, I fuckin missed everything!” Roman looked in the corner trying to avoid Remus noticing him, but it was never that easy. “Why hello, welcome to our humble- …Oh, fuck.”

Remus tilted his head to make eye contact with Roman, and the surprise on Remus’ face was something Roman would never forget. He seemed genuinely baffled, like nothing in the world would have prepared him for what he saw. Roman wanted to cry.

I wanted to leave behind these people.

“…Roman?” Remus finally said, “Dude, holy fuck, I haven’t seen you in forever!”

“Wait,” Virgil staggered, “You know each other already?”

“He’s my fucking cousin!” Remus exclaimed. “Come on, look at us, we’re only a little related but we look like twins!”

Logan turned to Roman. “Is this true?”

Roman could feel the tears ready to burst. His throat was scratchy, but he tried to talk anyway. “…I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Come on, Princey, don’t be shy!” Remus teased. “We used to be best friends, let everyone believe we were twins until our moms called our shit out. Absolute bastard children- …wait. Wait a fucking second.”

“What is it?” Janus asked.

Remus turned to Virgil and Logan with a shocked and confused face. “…You said he’s your foster brother?”

Logan nodded. “That is correct.”

Remus turned to Roman, seemingly at a loss for words. “…Dude, the fuck? What happened?”

Roman looked at the floor, gripping onto his arm so hard it’d be a miracle if there weren’t marks later. “I said I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I mean, I know I haven’t seen you since your mom fucked off to Neverland, but what happened to your dad? He’s still alive and shit isn’t he? The hell happened?”

“I said I don’t want to fucking talk about it!” Roman seethed, grinding his teeth together as he practically growled out that sentence.

Virgil flinched violently. “Roman-”

“Whatever!” Roman pushed Remus off to the side and kicked the door fully open, storming his way down the stairs despite the sounds of people yelling for him to come back. Roman stomped out the front door and took a sprint for it down the block, not caring if he had to be alone with Patton, so long as he wasn’t here.

“I bet you would eat a slug!”

“No I wouldn’t! Liar!”

“Boys, boys!” Roman’s mother laughed, crouching down to meet their eye level from their place sitting in the grass. “No eating slugs. Be nice to the bugs or we’ll go back inside.”

“Yeah, Remus!”

Remus huffed. “I’m not doing anything!”

“Not yet!”

Roman’s mother laughed again. “I’m going to help Uncle André with dinner. But I better not hear a fight, okay?”

“Okay!” Roman promised, watching as his mom went back inside his uncle’s house into the kitchen. Roman and Remus continued to play in the grass by looking at bugs and telling stories to each other, making Roman smile more than he has in a long time. He always loved going to Remus’ house. His dad never came with them, so he and his mom were always happier.

“How come we never go to your house?” Remus eventually asked after a few minutes of playing. Roman stuck his tongue out.

“‘Cause our house is tiny and the backyard isn’t as cool.”

“Still! When you come over, you never bring Uncle Theo!”

“Good!” Roman defended, “Dad’s boring so he doesn't getta come!”

“I like him! He’s fun and nice and always brings chocolate!”

“He’s awful!” Roman covered his mouth after he blurted that out. Remus gave him a look.

“He’s not awful!”

Roman looked over to the glass sliding door. His mom was in there, he could see her, but she couldn’t hear him. Maybe he could get away with it. He could tell Remus a secret and his mom would never find out.

Roman hesitantly took his hands away from his mouth. His tone grew to be a lot softer. “…He is, though.”

Remus tilted his head to the side like a dog. “What makes him awful?”

“…Promise not to tell anyone?”

Remus leaned in closer. “Uh huh!”

“No one at all, ever?”

“Triple quadruple promise!”

Roman looked back at his mom. She wasn’t paying attention to him, seemingly talking to his uncle and pouring juice into cups. Roman hesitated for a moment. “…My dad-”

“Boys! Dinner’s ready!” Roman’s mom called out, making Roman jump almost a foot in the air. Both of them got off of the grass to walk inside, but before they did, Remus turned to Roman again.

“Your dad what?”

“…Nevermind.” He missed his chance. Remus would never find out, and Roman never told anyone for another five years.

Roman ran faster down the street at the memory, fighting back the tears in his eyes. It was fine. Roman was fine.

He never wanted to talk to Remus again.

[spicebowl]

it really really frustrates me to see people my age acting like everything theyre facing financially is fine. not to get personal, but im 21 and i have a pretty good credit score, so when i got my first car with a 12% apr i was fucking pissed. people in my credit range routinely get 3-6% apr. im paying over 250 a month for a 10,000 dollar car.

which, if you dont know anything about what those numbers MEAN, yeah sounds fine. but the reality is i should be paying 100 or less. and this ia all because banks and credit unions take advantage of young people and credit history. i swear to god, young people are terrified of getting credit or touching anything with credit at all that they avoid them entirely and find yhemselves in their early 20s with no credit history, leading to shit like this where im paying twice as much as others in my credit range over my AGE!

credit seems really scary because it opens up your immediate funds and, for teens and young adults, can seems like a really really bad idea. and a lot of times, young people uneducated about credit do fuck themselves pretty hard. but the prospect of waiting till youre 22 to get a credit cards means that when youre 26 and settling down and thinking of buying a house, youre credit isnt even 5 years old yet and you are turned away until youre over 30.

the reality is, as much as everyone hates credit scores and all of this, we have to educate ourselves about credit and stand up to banks and shit when they do things like this! i hear so many people acting like having outrageous aprs and interest rates are normal because no one taught them otherwise.

[queenburd]

with people's help i raked up about 55$ in donations and i managed to use that and what was in my checkings account to pay off my credit card payment, leaving me with..... 22 dollars in my checkings.

it's not nothing, but it's not much. Im sorry to keep posting this thing, but if anyone has a couple bucks, it's appreciated.

Hey errybody, I got in a fight with a surgeon and lost! Well, actually this was a win for me.

After over 5 years of consultations, shifting insurances, therapists that wouldn't sign off, and other things, I finally got 10 pounds off my chest on Wednesday! Yeah, 10 pounds. It was not a Small Amount.

Because it was a major surgery, I'm on bedrest now. Work's on pause (they will be taking me back on happily once I am able to actually work and accommodations are all set up), and that leaves..... bills.

I WAS able to get rent for the next two months sorted out with my health care and that's another weight off my chest (haha heehee), but that's not covering Internet and power costs sadly. Not to mention my credit card bill, boooo.

If you wanna help me make ends meet for the next couple months, you can donate to me through paypal here. (I've tried Venmo? Venmo doesn't like me.)

I do also accept Zelle!

Every penny helps! I'd like to get up to about $400, if feasible. Again, these funds will be used for Internet, power, and my credit card, while I'm unable to work. If you can't donate anything, sharing is also appreciated!!

Thank you for reading! And if you've followed me a long time, thanks for accompanying me on this very long journey. We made it you guys!!!

[uncloseted]

i'm 22 but i'm still living with my dad, and i feel pretty embarrassed about it. i have a part time job online but i don't have a car so my dad drives me to school. my dad has his own place but my mom who lives out of state feels the apartment we are living in (small apartment building) is unsafe when she was living there due to a lot of people coming in and having parties and smoking weed. i used to live on my own in a room but since my mom moved it's easier for me to live in the condo we have.

part 2) i feel quite embarrassed to still be living with my parents (kinda) and relaying on them so much at my age. how do i convince them that i can live on my own and be safe? my parents are quite protective of me as their only child, and i feel like i lost some valuable experience learning to do things on my own. in our culture its normal to live with family until marriage but we live in the U.S and im embarrassed by my lack of experience in adult life.

i work online part time only 2 days a week, and make about 400-500 dollars per month. this is not enough to cover my full rent or the mortgage (when i move back) so they are still paying and help me with everything. i wish i had a car and know how to drive but we've been so busy as i finish my degree next year. i am very grateful for them for everything and i know a lot of parents wouldn't do the same for me, but i know i need to grow up.

my parents are not together nor do they seem to have many friends or hobbies they do on their own, so they mainly just focus on me. they are very loving and they understand i need to do things on my own, but i have to be more independent. they are helping me to be more independent but they want to live near me even when im married which is normal in our culture, but i dont know if my partner in the future will like it. how do i tell them to let me leave the nest faster? im the same 22 y/o anon

So first things first, living with your parents at 22 is actually super common right now. As of 2021, almost 57% of 18-24 year olds in the US live with their parents at least some of the time. My partner was actually 22 years old and living with his parents when we met, and I didn't think anything of it. It actually ended up being a great situation for me because I got a bonus set of parents that I otherwise wouldn't have spent time with.

That said, I think becoming more independent and getting some adult experiences is a good idea. Are there ways that you can start slowly asserting your independence without freaking your parents out? For example, you might start biking or taking public transportation to school instead of getting your dad to drive you (if that's an option where you are), or taking on more household responsibilities, or working outside of the house a few days a week so that you can become more financially independent. Maybe you can start staying over at friend's houses every so often so your parents get used to you being elsewhere. If you begin to gently show them that you can take care of yourself, they may be more comfortable letting you leave the nest.

It may also be worth sitting down and having an honest conversation with each of them about your goal of being more independent. It may be a difficult conversation to have, but it might be necessary if nothing else is working. Let them know what you told me- that you really appreciate everything they've done for you and that you understand that they've gone above and beyond to help you out, but that you want to be more independent so you can grow up. They may not like it, but it's possible they'll understand and at least let you try.

[reidgraygubler]

a different type of high (spencer reid/reader) pt 3

Title: A Different Type of High (part three)

Request: no

Couple: spencer reid/gender-neutral!reader

Category: mostly fluff, but there is some angst

Content Warning: swearing, mentions of withdrawal and symptoms of withdrawal, talks of depression and suicide (but not for a sentence), mentions of overdose, (if i missed anything that needs to be tagged, please let me know!)

Word Count: 6,148

Summary: Spencer keeps his promise and takes Reader to get coffee before NA. While at the coffee shop, Reader meets one of Spencer’s co-workers and finds out who he actually works for.

A/N: i don’t have much to say other than… i don’t know if it actually snows in quantico virginia or dc. everywhere i’ve looked told me yes and told me no.. so i just made it snow. so if im wrong about that sorry o.o and, this one mentions the episode ‘elephant’s memory’ season 3 episode 16 (i think) anyways, thank you all for the love and support! check out my masterlist! and here’s a series moodboard i made on pintrest! 

previous part  series masterlist  next part 

{***}{***}{***}

Three firm knocks came from the front door of my apartment. I looked towards the door as I struggled to tie my shoes. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears as I stood up. My sweater was on the hook by the front door, so I can’t even excuse myself for running behind. It was just my anxiety causing me to be a little slow.

So with that, I walked up to the front door to answer it. I’m not sure why I was expecting anyone other than Spencer, but for some reason, my body was telling me it was someone else. But when I opened the door, a smile spread across my face when I saw Spencer.

Small snowflakes were sitting, and melting, in his hair as he stood in the hallway outside my own world. His nose and cheeks were a light rosy pink color because of the coldness outside. A dark plaid scarf was wrapped around his neck and hung over his unbuttoned jacket. And his eyes had a certain sparkle that I couldn’t seem to look away from.

“Hey,” Spencer smiled at me as he ruffled his hair, getting the snowflakes out. I stayed silent for a moment too long and kept my eyes on him. 

“Hey,” I blinked and shook my head, “I’m almost done… I, uh, was just… Do you want to come… Come in,” I kept my voice low as I asked. I stepped back and pulled the door open. 

“Thanks,” he smiled before stepping into my apartment. I looked around my home, realizing that it was a little on the messier side. 

“Sorry… Sorry for the mess. I usually don’t… I don’t really have visitors here. And, I guess I sort of forgot that you were coming over,” I bit my lips together.

“Oh, don’t… Don’t worry about it, really. My apartment is pretty messy too,” he brushed my messiness off like it was nothing. I looked around my home one last time before grabbing my sweater off the hook. “It’s starting to snow a little hard out there, we should get going,” Spencer cringed as he looked towards the window, which was covered by the cheap dollar store curtains. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m all ready,” I looked at him and smiled. He looked back at me before raising an eyebrow.

“You don’t have a coat?” He asked, watching as I grabbed my apartment keys. I shoved them in my pocket as I looked at him. 

“No, this is enough,” I smiled at him. Spencer nodded before following me out. “So, where was your trip to?” I looked up at Spencer as we stepped onto the sidewalk. He was wrapping a scarf around his neck before tucking it away into his coat. 

“Someplace in Texas,” he nodded as he buttoned the last button. He smiled at me before putting an arm around me. I just assumed he did it because I didn’t have an actual coat and just a sweater. “Work stuff… Kinda scary…”

“How does a work trip get scary?” I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked at the ground. A very fine layer of snow was dusting the sidewalk, letting our footprints leave tracks as we walked. The snow was coming down like little cotton balls, so our footprints didn’t last very long. I always forget how cold it gets in the Winter. 

“Well, uh,” Spencer kept his voice low as he spoke. I raised an eyebrow before looking back up at him. “It’s a long story,” he added in an even lower voice.

“I have time for a long story,” I mumbled with a shrug. 

“It’s a really long story,” he looked down at me. I looked up at him and furrowed my eyebrows. It’d take a lot to get this story from him. I’m not even sure if it would be worth the fight...

The chilliness of the air nipped at the back of my neck and arms through my sweater, causing me to shiver. Spencer looked down at me with concern in his eyes. “We need to get you a proper jacket. It’s too cold out for you to be walking in just a sweater and jeans,” he spoke, his tone coming up an octave. I refrained from rolling my eyes because of him changing the subject. I’ll of course bring it up later. He’s clearly not telling me anything about what happened. 

“I’m okay, really. With just this,” I tugged on my sweater. Spencer looked down at me and raised an eyebrow. “Really, Spencer. It’s fine. I don’t think I have money for a coat anyways,” I shrugged it off as nothing. Spencer looked away from me, thinking about something to say. Then he suddenly pulled his scarf off and wrapped it around my neck. “I’m fine!” I exclaimed as I stepped away from him. “Spencer, if being cold is the only thing that gives me feeling, then let me be cold,” I looked up at him, “I’m going through enough withdrawal to be depressed and shit. Just let me be cold,” I pulled the scarf off and handed it back over to him.  The scarf stayed draped in my hand, swaying in the wind, between Spencer and me.

Spencer stared at the scarf in my hand before looking up at my face. I couldn’t exactly read the expression he wore, but he was definitely upset about my sudden mood change. He slowly shook his head as he pushed the scarf to me. 

“Keep it. If you don’t want a jacket and you won’t let me buy you one, I want you to keep my scarf,” he looked up at my face before taking the scarf from my hand. He carefully wrapped it around my neck and placed his hands on my shoulders. I rolled my eyes before smiling at him. “Please, I have another one at home,”

“Are you too stubborn to take no for an answer?” I asked as I started walking again. Spencer laughed as he caught up to my pace. I smiled as he returned his arm around my shoulders. I leaned more into his embrace.

“That would be correct,” he looked down at me and smiled. I rolled my eyes again and shook my head. 

We stayed silent on the remainder of the walk, it wasn’t a far walk from my apartment to the coffee shop. Occasionally, Spencer would crack a joke or two, causing me to laugh. Which was good. I missed a good laugh or two. 

“So, do any of your work friends know… about this?” I looked up at Spencer as we walked side-by-side into a coffee shop. It was probably a good bet to say that he probably frequents more often than not. “This being you and going to NA, you and you’re… and you and me,” I stopped myself from saying any more, mostly because I knew he hated when we talked about our issues outside of NA or the community center. I understood why he hated it, but it didn’t leave much left to talk about. 

“No, no they don’t,” he mumbled as we stepped in line. There were three or four other people in front of us. Just a short wait, that’s it. I’m okay with waiting, in all honesty. The longer we’re here, the longer we are away from the community center. And God knows we both hate that place... “And I’d prefer if it stayed that way,” he spoke, mostly to himself, like he was reminding himself that no one knew of this secret life he has.

“I see,” I whispered and stepped closer to him. Spencer looked down at me before wrapping an arm around my shoulder. I looked down and smiled as he held me closer. “I’ve never been here before,” I looked around the cafe, taking in the atmosphere of the place. It was comfy and cozy. As opposed to the outside, which was cold and snowy. 

“Pretty good. Although, it’s kinda hard for me to say no to coffee,” he laughed as he stepped forward in line. I returned the laughter and nodded. 

“What do you get? Normal black coffee? Or a fun drink?” I looked up at him. Spencer looked back down at me and thought. 

“Usually just plain coffee with cream and some sugar,” he nodded as he looked towards the front at the menu. I followed his gaze and looked over the menu myself. “What about you?”

“Uh,” I shifted on my feet and looked back at his face, “I just... I don’t really drink coffee or anything,” I crossed my arms over my chest. Spencer hummed as he looked down at me. “I guess hot chocolate is okay,” I whispered and looked back up at Spencer. 

“Hot chocolate, pretty good,” he spoke as he shoved his other hand in his pocket to pull out his wallet. We both silently stepped up to the counter. 

“Hey there, what can I get you guys?” The barista had a certain chipper-ness to her tone. It was probably from all the caffeine she consumes on a daily basis. Or it was the fact that she’s been awake for a million hours and is just tired. Probably the former...

“Large coffee, plain… Room for sugar and cream,” Spencer smiled at the barista. I shoved my hands in my pocket, hoping to find a spare bill or two. But when I pulled my hand out and it was empty, I frowned. Of course, I don’t have extra money. I’m a 22-year-old drug addict (Recovering… Recovering drug addict), who buys street drugs and can barely pay rent on time. Why would I have extra money shoved into my pocket?

“I don’t need anything,” I looked up at Spencer and forced a fake smile on my lips. He frowned and looked at the barista, who was watching the two of us with a friendly smile.

“No, no, my treat. Don’t worry about it,” He gestured to the counter. He removed his arm from my shoulder and pulled money from his wallet. I looked at him with wide eyes before looking back at the barista.

“Uh, small hot chocolate… Thanks,” I kept my voice low, mostly because my anxiety was going crazy. No one’s ever gotten me a drink before, much less anything. 

The barista smiled at Spencer and I before taking the money from him. I glanced at him, watching him place the change into the tip jar. He looked down at me with a small smile before guiding me over to where a sign that said “Pick Up Here” sat.

“You didn’t have to buy me a drink, Spencer,” I whispered as we stayed close to one another. He shrugged as he shoved both hands into his pocket. “No, seriously, it’s okay,”

“It isn’t okay, because it’s cold outside and having a nice hot drink is always nice.” Spencer looked down at me and shrugged, “Just accept the kind gesture,” he lifted a hand and placed it on my shoulder. 

“I’ve never had someone just buy me something before. I mean,” I stopped myself from talking because the end of that statement had to do with drugs. “Ya know?” I glanced at him, hoping he’d just know what I meant. 

“Well, that’ll have to change, won’t it,” he whispered and smiled softly. I stared at him and shrugged. I shifted my gaze from his face and to the ground between us. 

“Here’s that hot chocolate and coffee for you two.” A different barista smiled at Spencer and I as he placed two paper cups on the counter. Spencer grabbed both cups and handed one over to me. We both turned to leave. 

“Listen, Spencer, hot chocolate is one thing. But a coat? That’s a whole other thing,” I spoke before taking a sip of my hot chocolate. I hummed as the warmth spread through my body. He smiled at me before grasping my hand.

“C’mon,” Spencer started as he pulled me towards the door of the cafe. I could feel a smile tug on my lips as we walked past a new rush of people.

“Reid?” a woman’s voice spoke, stopping Spencer and I in our tracks. He looked away from me and towards the owner of the voice. I followed his gaze and saw a thin brunette. I didn���t like the way he pulled his hand away from mine like he didn’t want to be caught with someone.

“H-Hi, Emily,” Spencer stared at her with wide eyes. The tone and shakiness in his voice definitely told the person and I that he was anxious that this was happening. Which was valid, considering we were just talking about his friends and co-workers and it’d be bad if they found out about NA. 

“Emily… Prentiss. I work with Spencer,” She smiled as she looked at me and stuck out a hand. Spencer still has to tell me what his occupation is. Whenever I asked him where he works, he always said he didn’t like talking about it or that it’d worry me. So, this’ll be a fantastic conversation topic on the way to the community center. 

I copied the same stare that Spencer held in his eyes. My eyes were glued to her hand. And, no doubt was my anxiety higher than his. “And you are,” she asked after a moment of my staring and silence. Her smile was still kind, but it was a little worrisome. And, her stare scared me, almost like she was reading me or something.

“Right, right, sorry,” I muttered as I placed my hand in hers. I muttered my name and looked at her. She raised her eyebrow before her eyes shifted to look at Spencer. 

“How do you know Spencer,” Emily asked, pulling her hand away from mine. I glanced at Spencer, silently pleading for him to take the lead on this question. I really didn’t want to answer this question because I didn’t know how to answer it. 

“Friend from the library,” Spencer spoke up with a certain… fakeness to his tone. It was obvious he was lying. It looked like Emily picked up on that too. With the way she pointedly stared at Spencer.

“How do you think I met him?” I looked up at her and shrugged. I looked at the clock that was hanging on the wall and sighed. “If we’re walking, we’re gonna be late,” I looked back at Spencer and spoke firmly. Spencer looked down at me and nodded.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Emily,” Spencer looked back at his friend and smiled. Emily looked between the two of us before allowing us to leave.

“It was nice meeting you,” she smiled at me as we finally left. I flashed her a nervous smile just as the door closed. 

Once we were finally outside, Spencer wrapped his arm back around me. I could feel my body get frigid, I played it off as the temperature of the outside even though it was the return of Spencer’s affection. I really enjoyed the affection, but what I didn’t like was his sudden lack of affection the second we see someone he knows. I understand why he did it, but I hated it. I’m a secret. 

“Who’s Emily?” I asked, my tone low. I tried not to sound jealous. Spencer’s my best friend, and that’s it. I don’t like anyone like that, and I probably never will. “I mean, I know she’s someone you work with… But you never tell me anything about what you do for work, Spencer,” 

“She’s, uh,” he looked down at me. I kept my eyes away from him and stayed silent as I waited for my answer. “Yeah, she’s one of my co-workers.” He nodded. I looked back up at him and furrowed my eyebrows. 

“Where is it you guys work? Because it’s clearly not a Starbucks,” I asked, pressing him again about his occupation. “I mean, because if it is Starbucks, can you get me a job?” I smiled at him. Spencer laughed and shook his head. “Okay, okay, you don’t have to tell me where you work… But can you describe where you work?”

“No it’s not Starbucks,” he looked down at me and smiled softly. And with that, our conversation about his occupation ended. I tried not sounding or acting upset. But that’s okay. I’ll get over it. 

“Thanks for the hot chocolate,” I looked up at him and smiled. He returned the smile before taking a sip of his coffee.

{***}{***}{***}

“I just don’t understand… Why can’t you tell me?” I looked at Spencer as we walked towards the chairs. He glanced down at me before gesturing towards two chairs. I sat down before him, then watched as he sat down beside me. “Do you work someplace super duper embarrassing? Oh my god, are you a stripper?” I turned to look up at him. Spencer glared at me, a teeny-tiny smile growing on his lips. “Oh my god, you are,” I whispered as I moved closer to him. My butt was on the very edge of my chair so I could be as close as I could to him. “Can you show me somethi-”

“What, no! I’m not a stripper,” Spencer furrowed his eyebrows before laughing. I returned the laughter and looked up at him. He looked over his shoulders to see if anyone was nearby, or close enough to hear our conversation. “Why don’t we talk about this when we’re done here… No one here needs to hear our conversation,” Spencer whispered as he looked back at me. I looked at him before reaching out to hold his hand. He flinched slightly when I touched his hand. I looked up at him before blinking. As I went to pull my hand away from him, his grip tightened around my hand.  “Does that sound good? I’ll be honest and answer any questions you have,” he looked down at our hands and nodded. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, whether that be saliva or nerves he was swallowing back. A light shade of pink grew on his face, coming up from his neck.

“Yeah, yeah that works,” I looked down at my lap. The scarf was draped over my legs, keeping me warm a little bit. Jacob stood up in the middle of the circle to introduce everyone, and I already wanted the night to be over. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Spencer looking over at me as I silently prayed for death to take me now. “My place or yours?” I smiled softly before looking back at him. 

“Yours since we’re already walking back there,” he dropped his head to his shoulder before looking at me. I smiled and turned to face Jacob. 

{***}{***}{***}

“Uh, I don’t have much in the means of food. I might have a can of spaghetti-o’s… If you’re hungry,” I spoke as I pulled the scarf off my neck and placed it on the hook, along with my sweater. 

“Oh, I’ll just have a glass of water,” Spencer spoke as he pulled his coat off. He placed his coat right on the hook beside my sweater. I nodded before walking over to the small kitchenette area. 

“You can have a seat anywhere, couch, armchair, floor... “ I grabbed two glasses before filling them with water. I walked back to the living room, my eyes down on the ground.

“So,” I whispered as I set the glasses on the coffee table. Spencer, who was sitting on the couch, leaned over and picked one up. I sat on the opposite end of the couch before curling up into the corner. “Emily seems very nice,” I looked at him, watching as he sipped his water. 

“She is… Everyone I work with is like family to me,” Spencer looked at me before placing his glass back on the coffee table. “It’s frustrating because...” he started, but he didn’t finish his thought. I furrowed my eyebrows and stared at him. 

“What’s frustrating?” I asked, watching as he furrowed his eyebrows. He looked back at me for a moment before exhaling.

“It’s frustrating… Because I constantly ask for help and no one helps.” Spencer looked down at his lap. I raised my eyebrow as I turned to face him more.

“How are you asking for help? And… I thought you said no one knows,” I whispered as I laid my head on the back of the couch. Spencer glanced at me before looking back down at his hands. He was pulling at fingers, his joints quietly popping. “Spencer, if no one knows what’s going on, then they can’t help you,” I kept my voice low because I didn’t want to say the wrong thing. I’m sure with Spencer I couldn’t ever say the wrong thing. I mean, he couldn’t say the wrong thing to me… 

“No, no… I think they know… And that scares me,” he whispered as he looked back at his hands. “I’ve been with them for so long, and they know me enough to know when something’s wrong,” he shrugged before shifting in his seat.

“What is it you do for work? You still haven’t told me,” I looked back at him as I asked. His gaze shifted between the couch and my face. The way his eyes shifted across my face and his silence told me he was trying to find the words to say but was having a hard time formulating them.

“I work for the FBI,” he whispered, dropping his gaze away from my face. 

I could feel my heart drop to my stomach and a certain sickness rise up my esophagus. It took everything in me not to be sick at the moment. My hand balled up into a tight fist, and I could feel my nails digging into my palms so hard, I’m sure if they weren’t nubs I would have bled. The FBI… The police… People who arrest people who buy and sell drugs illegally. People like me...

“The… The FBI?” I asked in a whisper. My voice was shaky as I spoke. Spencer looked back at me and nodded lightly. I shifted in my seat, my body wanting to leave. “You’re not… You’re not an undercover agent, are you?” I swallowed roughly as I stared at him. 

“What? No,” Spencer scowled as he looked at me. I looked away from him, mouthing the word ‘Sorry,’ but not even meaning the apology. “I’m not an undercover agent, and I’m not going to arrest you. No, I’m like you. I’m trying too get better.” He whispered as he looked back down on the couch. “Last week, when I was on the work trip… I was saving a kid… Some teenager… He was… He was bullied growing up and in high school. And, he was…”

“Victim turned bad guy?” I asked, interrupting him. He glanced over at me and nodded lightly.

“Yeah, yeah that’s basically what had happened. They were going to shoot him,” he whispered. I glanced at him and noted that tears were rolling down his cheeks. 

“They? They being the other members of your team?” I wrinkled my nose as I asked. He glanced at me again and nodded. I moved to stand up, but Spencer reached out and grabbed my wrist to stop me from standing. I looked at him with wide eyes and terror on my face. His features softened as he looked at me, realizing that this was getting too real for me too fast.

“And, I… I couldn’t let this kid die. So I stood between this kid, this kid that I only knew so much about, and nine police officers and federal agents and their guns,” he whispered, his voice breaking as he went on. My eyes grew wet as he spoke. 

“That’s really stupid of you, Spencer,” I whispered as I shift back to be sitting on the couch. Spencer laughed lightly and nodded. “Don’t… Don’t do that again,” I rubbed the underside of my nose and shook my head.

“Yeah, it was stupid of me, wasn’t it… But, this kid is alive,” he whispered. I looked over at him and watched as he moved closer to me. “You can trust me. I’m trying every bit as you are to get better,” he spoke as he readjusted his grip from my wrist to my hand. I swallowed roughly and looked down at our hands.

“You… I know we don’t know we don’t know each other too well… But you can’t die, Spencer. I don’t care if it’s because of work, because of a bad guy, or because of someone at work, or if it’s because of drugs… But, you can’t die,” I whispered as I looked back at him. I could really feel the tears racing down my cheeks. “I’ve never been clean as long as I have been. I don’t think I can do this without you,” I roughly rubbed my cheeks and shook my head.  “I’m… I’m sorry, that’s stupid,” I scoffed and shook my head.

“That’s not stupid. Nothing about it all is stupid.” Spencer looked at me as he spoke. He lifted a hand to wipe my cheeks with a thumb. I looked at him before looking at the ground. “I’m having a rough time… With, uh, with, well, you know. I’ve stopped, uh, it. And last week’s case was the first case without it. I just didn’t care what happened, even if that meant dying.” He whispered as his grip on my hand tightened. “If you can do it… I can do it,”

“Accountability buddies,” I smiled as I reminded him of our promise to each other. Spencer looked back at me and smiled.

“Yes, accountability buddies,” he sighed as he pulled me close for a hug. I took a deep breath, breathing in his smell. “You alright?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m alright,” I wiped my cheeks again, “Mister FBI Agent,” I looked up at him and smiled, “Can you stay the night?” I asked, looking away from his face and at the messy coffee table. 

“Are you sure?” He looked down at me as he rested his hands on my shoulders. I looked up at him and nodded.

“I think it’d make me feel better… Knowing that you’re… That you’re here,” I glanced at him. I wasn’t sure if I was embarrassed or not. But, I definitely felt weird asking him to stay here. Just something about him being near for the night made me feel safe. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I understand if it’s weird or what-”

“Yeah, I think I can make that work,” he nodded and looked at me. I smiled before throwing my arms back around him. “Just don't be surprised if I’m not here when you wake up,” he laughed lightly as rested his hands on my back, “I just… I know I’ll have to be at the office early,” he further explained. 

“That’s okay,” I nodded and looked up at him, “I promise I won’t make it a habit… Of asking you to stay the night, that is,” I looked away from him and shrugged. Spencer laughed and shook his head.

“I wouldn’t care if you did,” he muttered. I probably wasn’t supposed to hear him say that, but I did. And it kinda made me feel happy, like unusually happy. “Is it alright if I use the bathroom?” He asked as he stood up. 

“Oh, yeah, yep,” I copied his action and stood up. I looked to the ground as I lead him towards the bathroom, “Here you go,” I gestured into the open room. Spencer smiled at me before entering, pressing the door behind him. I stared at the surface of the door before stepping away. My fingers were tapping together as I walked back to the living room. My anxiety was a little high, and I wasn’t sure why, and the tapping was helping me calm down a bit. I had no secrets in the bathroom, nothing embarrassing or dangerous for him to see. 

I silently went back to sit on the couch, pulling my throw blanket over my shoulders. My apartment wasn’t necessarily cold. But there was enough of a chill to be noticeable. Well, to me at least. I’m not so sure about Spencer. I know I could just turn the heat up, but heating bills are expensive.

I instinctively stood up when the bathroom door clicked open. Spencer stepped out, drying his hands on his shirt. I internally cringed at my lack of paper towels or hand towels in the bathroom.

“Sorry,” I looked up at him and cringed. He looked back at me and shook his head.

“It’s okay,” he smiled as he shoved his hands into his pockets. I stared at him for a moment before walking away from the couches. “I really don’t have an issue sleeping on the couch,” he took a larger step to walk beside me. I glanced at me and shrugged.

“It’s cold,” I pointed out as we walked closer to my room. Spencer looked at me and smiled. “Besides, my bed can hold two people,” I smiled, mostly to myself. My bed wasn’t big, to begin with, two people probably shouldn’t be sharing. But, here we are… Because I didn’t want to be alone tonight. 

“Okay, okay,” Spencer laughed lightly as we entered the room. I looked up at himand smiled more as he looked at my bed. “If you say so,”

{***}{***}{***}

Okay, I was right, yet wrong at the same time. My bed can hold two people. But, it shouldn’t. Even though I’m smaller than Spencer, we were both on the very edge of the mattress. We had been in bed for an hour, and it’d been about 45 minutes since I shut the light off, leaving us in total darkness. I wouldn’t say I was uncomfortable, but it was difficult to be comfortable.

I rolled over onto my side, my back facing Spencer. Spencer was stiff on top of the blanket, making it impossible to get comfortable under it. He laid perfectly still on his back with his hands folded on his stomach.

“You know you can get under the blanket,” I spoke out loud as I looked up at him. He looked over at me, and it was clear that he hadn’t fallen asleep yet either. “Or, I can go get the blanket from the living room and you can use that,” I added in a whisper.

“It’s fine,” he nodded before shifting to move the blanket.

Once Spencer was actually under the blanket, he rolled on his side, so my back was pressed against his chest. My body stiffened once he relaxed. After a few minutes, I finally let my body relax and melt into the bed… That was until Spencer draped his arm over my body. 

“It’s okay,” I spoke before he even got the chance to move away from me, “It’s fine, you’re… You can stay there,” I shivered because I was cold and not because of my sudden anxiety. I knew he could sense my nerves. “It’s fine, really, Spencer,” I placed a hand on top of his to keep him from moving away from me. “Are you asleep?” I whispered, already knowing the answer. I knew we both wouldn’t be asleep anytime soon. The cuddling happening between us is obviously something we’ve never experienced before. I mean, I don’t know about Spencer, but I’ve never cuddled another human being other than my own mother (but even then she hadn’t cuddled me in more than 10 years). 

“Yes, I’m still awake,” he spoke, his voice low. His grip around me got a little tighter, pulling me closer to his chest. The way he held on to me was comparable to a child holding their stuffed animal, and I was honestly okay with it. “I’m assuming you’re still awake, considering you just asked me a question,” 

“I don’t usually fall asleep for a while after I go to bed,” I mumbled, pulling the blanket closer to me, “I spend most of my nights in bed, awake till 4 am,” I sighed. I silently hoped that tonight would be different though. 

“I’m sorry about that,” Spencer whispered. I shrugged as I shifted closer to him and further to the middle of the bed. “Maybe you should try to sleep earlier tonight,” “Yeah… Maybe,” 

{***}{***}{***}

I woke up before him. Our legs were tangled together, and he was holding me close against his chest. For the first time in a long time, I actually slept well. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the enormous space heater beside me, or because another person was actually in bed with me, but I was getting very hot.

I looked up at Spencer’s face, wanting to stay like this for a while. Although, I knew we couldn’t stay like this. He’d have to leave soon to go to work. He just looked so peaceful asleep. And, I was so comfortable lying here… 

I widened my eyes as I stared at him. My heart started beating faster, and I wasn’t sure if I could get it to slow. Part of me was worried that it’d wake him up, and another part of me was okay with it all. But, why was I worried as much as I was? And, why was it only when I was with Spencer I felt this way? What was going on? Crap...

I quickly closed my eyes and nuzzled my body closer to him when I saw that he started stirring. I threw my arms over his body and pressed my face to his chest. His heart beating and breath was somewhat soothing for me.

Spencer carefully shifted in his space before pulling my arms off him. I refrained from pouting. The bed shifted as Spencer sat up in the bed, partly bringing the blanket with him. He tossed the blanket back to me, lightly covering me again.

“Do you have to go to work,” I whined as I looked at Spencer as he slid out of my bed. He looked down at me with wide eyes. 

“I thought you were asleep,” he half muttered. I sat up before rubbing my eyes. Sleep? Pfft, I never sleep. He should know that! We just talked about it last night. “And, yes, I have to go to work,” he stood up and turned to look at me. I looked up at him and frowned.

“Nah, I never sleep, we talked about that last night,” I shook my head. Spencer sat at the foot of the bed to put his shoes back on. “I just have a bed to lay in and wallow in self-pity when I’m not at the community center,” I rubbed my nose. I pushed the blanket off me and crawled over to sit beside him. “And when I’m not with you,” I looked up at him.

“You don’t do anything during the week?” He looked over at me with a raised eyebrow. I shrugged and shook my head. “Really?”

“I mean, Wednesdays are really the only days I have stuff. I guess I could do chores and stuff,” I looked towards the door, remembering the mess in my living room, “I know what you’re thinking, I should get a job. But that’s so hard. I don’t have any job experience,” 

“I never said I was thinking that,” Spencer turned to face me. I dropped my shoulders and looked up at him. “How do you-”

“I’m friends with the owner of the building and he knows I live on hard times. And, mom had some money left behind,” I dropped my head so I wasn’t looking at him. 

“I’m not judging you,” he spoke, his tone very insistent. I sighed and nodded. 

“You should go, before you’re late,” I looked back up at him, “I don’t want to be the reason why you’re late. Emily already knows about me. We don’t need the others asking about me. Some random girl you slept with,” I smiled. Spencer looked over at me, trying to hold back his smile.

“You’re not going to stay in bed all day, are you?” He asked, standing up. I looked up at him and shook my head.

“I told you, I can do chores and stuff,” I shrugged and looked around my room, this time at the laundry room. “Will I see you again before next Wednesday?” I asked as I moved closer to the edge of the bed.

“That’ll entirely depend on work,”

“Oh, yeah, that’s right. Agent Spencer,” I smiled at him before standing up. Spencer glared at me for a moment before laughing, “Are you like 007?” I asked leading him back out of my room.

“No, I’m not like James Bond,”

a different type of high taglist: @shameleswhorehourstm​, @itsametaphorbriansblog​, @bxtchboy69​, @sammypotato67​, @seninjakitey​

reply or send me an ask if you want to be apart of the taglist for a different type of high!

[jmkitsune]

1-50 of the "be nosy asks" 😂

1. What’s your sexual orientation?

Im a demisexual

2. What are you obsessed with right now?

well I jsut finished stargate atlantis so let's go with that cause I did SG1/SGA in like a few months

TEMPTED to do universe buut we'll see

3. Ever done any drugs?

nope- not a huge fan (by that i mean I actually can't stand drugs)

4. What piercings do you want?

I'd like to redo my ears at some point

5. How many people have you kissed?

uhhh we'll say (in sexual/romantic way)

10 people

6. Describe your dream home.

clock tower penthouse overlooking the bay near the ocean or something

7. Who are you jealous of?

those who are successful

8. What’s your favorite show to binge?

simpsons futurama or daria

9. Do you watch porn?

nope

10. Do you have a secret sideblog?

nah I have this blog, a star wars one I kinda forgot about/let die, and one for my first book trilogy I may wipe at some point cause I /have never gotten what I wanted to do with it/

11. If you could teleport anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?

beach

12. What’s one of your fantasies?

to never work again and enjoy comfort

13. Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced?

nah

14. How would you spend a million dollars?

pay off debt

get my own place

not worry about bills for a while

15. Are you in a relationship?

I am not that being said if someone wants me- they gotta earn me cause I'm expensive AS FUCK

16. Do you follow porn blogs?

nah like I follow sex workers but that is cause either friends/acquaintances and I support their hard work but thats bout it

17. Are you angry with anyone right now?

nah

18. What tattoos do you want?

omg too many lol I always want new tattoos

19. If you could change your name, would you? What would you change it to?

I probably would just legally change my name to JM instead of using it as a preferred name

20. What is something you’re obsessed with?

Star Wars, Star Gate, streaming, writing, gaming, uhhh *shrugs*

21. Describe your best friend.

stubborn, funny, pain in the ass, smart, irritating, dependable, makes me wanna throw things at them, protective, short etc

22. Tag someone you think is hot.

Insert every person I know who is attractive cause hi everyone is attractive in someway shape or form

23. Who are five of your favorite bands/musical artists?

Skillet, Linkin Park, Protomen, MCR, Fall out Boy

24. What are three places you want to travel?

Pacific North West

25. Describe your perfect Friday night.

relaxing

26. What’s your favorite season?

actual spring where its not too hot/too cold and enjoyable

27. What’s your pet peeve?

people who willfully want to be ignorant because they think its better than being educated since they think ALL educated people are elitist

28. Who is the funniest person you know?

myself

29. What’s the most overrated movie?

and here is where I catch SO MUCH FLACK

scott pilgrim

30. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message.

uhh I actually message a lot of people so like I dont think I need to do that here

31. Do you like paper books or ebooks better?

digital baby

we're in 2021 - save the trees and give me more books to carry in a smaller lighter device :D

32. If you could live in a fictional world, what world would you pick?

the ones I've written

33. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like?

Jedi meets Grisha, meets Cloud Strife, Loki and Scarlet Witch

34. What’s your coffee order?

I have not had coffee since high school

and my order then was a medium decaf extra extra from dunks

35. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Im demi, crushes= confused friendship lines lol

36. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes?

of course, im human thats kinda the side effect of loving someone for a long time, there is always a shred of you that lingers for them

37. Have any tattoos?

I have SIX tattoos yes :D

two constellations (Orion/Pisces) on my wrists, my son of hades/twitch tattoo on my right forearm, my KH tattoos on my upper biceps, and my USB/IO Keyhole tattoo on the back of my neck

38. Do you drink?

not anymore, im a depressed drunk and I am very VERY uncomfortable around people who drink/are drunk

39. Are you a virgin?

NOPE

40. Do you have a crush on any of your mutuals?

go sub to my patreon for a year and I'll tell ya ;D

41. How many followers do you have?

go follow all my places get me boosted so you guys follow me everywhere and you can actually see all the shit I put out online content wise besides what I reblog on here

tumblr - 1660

twitch- 416

twitter 337

instagram- 175

tiktok-1877

youtube- 116

42. Describe the hottest person you know.

Have you seen 1990s Brendan Fraser

43. What’s your guilty pleasure?

im a shopaholic when depressed

44. Do you read erotica?

I have, and I'll be honest, there is a part of me that thinks it has quality of writing people should not overlook BUT its not for me I think

45. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?

fun fact- I've only been on

46. How many people do you follow?

here- 275, tiktok 545, instagram- 392, twitter 442

47. If you could marry any celebrity, who would you pick?

none, I don't have celebrity crushes and shit (and before you say fraser- I can appreciate someone's attractiveness without having a crush, I'm demi, not blind)

48. Describe your ideal partner.

from two friends who know me best

- witty, witchy, nerdy, someone who I can idealize their flaws into quirks -pretty eyed, dark haired nerdy girl with curves (esp. bangin tiddies) ((I can't believe adrienne SERIOUSLY SAID THAT PART)) who is empathetic and intelligent and willing to work with you and communicate with you to build something solid and long lasting

49. Who do you text the most?

I text Icarus, Britt, and Adrienne the most

50. What’s your favorite kind of weather?

“That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25th, because it’s not too hot, not too cold. All you need is a light jacket!”