#but im just blegh i guess it’s the anxiety

[celestie0]

i just wanna post ch11 of kickoff n get it out there but my fucking mind is a prison and keeps telling me it aint shit n i should give up on my hopes n dreams and also should still be embarrassed about that one thing i said five years ago

[orcelito]

Salty bitch in me sooooo satisfied by the fact that I probably make more money than the person who made my life hell last year lmfaooooo

[floral-hex]

I’m so tired. I’m always tired. This suuuucks. and I’m sad and shitty. I know it’s only been a couple of weeks, but I don’t think remeron is a workin for me. Accidentally typed “wormin for me” at first. I wish it was wormin for me. Why won’t you worm for me?😔

[kobold-royalty]

Blegh so i realizied i am a trauma or anxiety holder of some kind(among other things) for the system. In particular the anxiety that someone i care abouts going to die soon. It always comes up and im ahving a bad attack of it right now. Just this fear portent of doom is coming and i dont like it. I know its unlikely but its there and just talking about it helps.

Gf made me laugh and made me feel a bit better vy going " of course youd be scares of something like that your just a wee tiny kobold." And that was oddly comforting i guess because affirming and cute and idk.

[a-scummy-hybrid]

Some of the things i hate about Post-Covid

This photo is gonna act as a blocker to not give anyone any anxieties or whatever.

Random "heart hiccup" which im pretty sure is a heart palpitation (i've felt these before but never knew what they were, they werent as common and they still arent as common with P-C now, or at least, seem to depend upon whats happening or whatever, but when it does happen, its a little... blegh, I dont like it, its not painful, its like having the wind be knocked out of you or something).

Shortness of Breath, this sensation usually like... appears where it feels like my nose is stuffy or even not stuffy in the slightest. I hate this one the most because it happens when im sitting down and its just like... wow, annoying.

Soreness/Pains in certain parts of the body, this isn't as common as it use to be a couple of weeks ago (as in one or two weeks ago), but when they do happen, its like "wow... this hurts but ive gotta pull through."

Random Nausea Event, this one comes out of nowhere, its not followed by dizziness or whatever, but its just sorta like, it happens, my best guess is that this could be due to me not having eaten anything yet or if its actually P-C related, still, annoying when it does.

Feeling like... i am unable to move as quickly, although tbh this may be due in part due to my weight/fit or something, I can't exercise to the fullest (mainly because i fear that i may pass out), i really wanna get rid of my gut, but still keep some of my tummy. Although sometimes, this does happen when im out and about trying to keep up my pace with someone. So i have to keep my pace.

Random Migraine, this one seems to happen rarely now, although does rear its ugly head in like a teacher not trusting their students to stay behaved or whatever.

Randomly coughing & the sensation of a phlegm, yeah, chronic cough aint fun, additionally having some... weird phlegm (for me, it looks like a clear large microorganism?) Its really strange, and i tend to hate it.

Potentially other symptoms im forgetting about, but I guess it would be things like the rare brain fog, joint pain, muscle pain like the chest hurting (yes i did go to the emergency room for that one and the results were clean, as in, I didn't have any heart problems), etc. And i think thats about it? Regardless, i feel like the best way to describe Post-Covid is the Biten Status Effect from Terraria Calamity (before the patch that basically nerfed said debuff so that it wasn't annoying to deal with), where you have one specific ailment that negatively effects you but overtime you just randomly get inflicted with random debuffs. Either that or its like a revolving door, with a bunch of people going in and leaving, either staying in the lobby with the revolving door or just leaving, either getting stuck inside or something. Anyways... I just wanted to vent about this as i deal with this bullshit. I am walking around for at least 2 hours per day so that i can keep my health up but i really do wanna exercise at some point, i really do wish there was an easier way to like... get rid of some of my belly fat. Only problem is i like my belly, but if i want to lose my weight (as I use to weigh a lot less than i use to, but due to being neglectful around at a certain point in my life, I added some to me, and i would really like to lose said pound). Anyways, thanks for reading this, if you did take the time to do so.

[souljournaler]

some journaling

my brain said "you better give me stimulation 24/7 or else im gonna start thinkin" and i looked at my brain in all its "electric meat reacting to a Full Moon conjunct retrograde Mars in Gemini" and i decided it's time to sit down and do some free-form journaling

oh my gods i just switched over to the legacy editor to write this and it’s night-and-day for how much better this works, lmao. anyway

yeah so this full moon was so aggressive that i started my period the second she hit 100% visibility.

PMS lasted what feels like a lot longer than usual, and i had cramps for days before i saw blood. the yoozh: sense of doom, squidward-style anxiety about the future, compelling sense of impatience, self-loathing for needing to rest, a little bit of task overwhelm, general tiredness

it doesn’t help that it’s been super overcast these past few days. ive literally gone from taking my observations every day to completely forgetting for days in a row. there is a HUGE weather system coming thru these next few days and so i imagine the air pressure is gonna be fluctuating wildly, so it’s no wonder i feel like shit

maybe it’s just because i feel like shit already but it feels like a bunch of important breaking points are being reached at once. labor strikes in nursing, academia, and coal, and hopefully the rail and air workers will join them soon. it seems like my prediction that “we’ll get a general strike whether we plan one or not” is coming true, just simply because working conditions are getting so much worse for so many industries that theyre all deciding they wont tolerate it anymore. though also, im sure a general strike is being planned, it just wont be called that, it won’t have spokespeople, and it won’t be under the name of any one organization

sometimes i get frustrated that i need to take time to rest when i feel crappy. i know that if i work through the crappy feeling, it just pushes the crappy feeling to Later and compounds with however crappy i was already gonna feel Later. so i have to deal with my crappy feelings in the present, when they come up, as they come up, or i eventually hit a breaking point and put myself out for weeks or months. it’s just frustrating because i procrastinated to do some things i needed to do with a consistent pace, but now i feel crappy enough to not be able to do much of anything, especially not the things i needed to do earlier

blegh. i guess i’m still practicing at pacing things well for myself. it doesnt help that the whole outside world goes at its own pace that is MUCH faster and more demanding than my internal pace

ive been talking to my peers about how ive been feeling frustrated that i amn’t who or how i want to be yet-- i still have to go thru that process of learning the new and cool shiny life lessons that i will pick up like a funky little crow and stick onto my sense of self, but right now i have that feeling like i just got a very cool new one of them bags that has the pin display on the front, but i only have like two pins and one of them is rusty from how long ive had it and i do not often have money to buy new pins for the display

the new shower feels really nice, at least. i didnt realize how much of a mood improvement it would be to simply have a nicer-looking shower, but there ya have it. also i definitely think that once i’m able to build my own bath/shower room, it will have a lot more color. and some plants. maybe even a lot of plants

i had a bunch of dreams last night about needing to get ready for something suddenly, like having to pack up after an event, or pack up to leave for traveling, or clean up a room with a lot of trash, and it was so stressful each time that dream me was like “fuck this, i am literally dreaming, cya” and woke up. i made sure to tidy up my space a little once i woke up lmao, especially after seeing a post from Unfuck Your Habitat like “are YOU living in a depression den?” and i was like “ugh fine, ok, fuck, you got me, yes im living in a depression den”

also, my partner is leaving for a trip in just a couple of days, and will be gone for a week. im already pre-grieving how much i’m gonna miss him. he always brightens any space he’s in. i wish i had a community that made it so i dont have to rely on him for so much of my in-person social interaction.

ive noticed that ive been staying up later so i can sleep through the time when he’s not here and maximize conscious cuddle time while he’s asleep

damn, that’s kinda sad now that i type it out like that. i wonder if that’s how kaede feels being the only cat here.

damn... sometimes i just need to cry when i feel lonely. it doesnt help solve anything, but it can be soothing to just let those sad chemicals go and take the time to breathe and remember that it’s okay to feel lonely. i miss my sisters. i miss my sibling. i miss parents i didnt get to have. i miss friends. im so tired of deciding not to be friends. im grateful for the people who stick around, but i feel sad that theyre so few and far-between

i guess the loneliness has a lot to do with the impatience for the future. i dont want to feel lonely anymore. i dont want the people i miss to feel lonely. i want my community to be closer together. having the server has been life-saving for some of us (it’s really lived up to its name) but tbh i would really like for all of us to be able to get together in the same place

anyway i’m starting to get distracted so i’m gonna go ahead and wrap this up. might write more later as i feel like it

cya l8r,

Sol

[haeroniel-doliet]

Hnghhh why does it require e f f o r t and p a t i e n c e and p r a c t i c e to get good at art????? I need to be good immediately and things i want to see appear at a snap of my fingers.......

Read more for what became an accidental full rant about why ive yet to post anything besides that one thing idkkkk

Aka im TRYING to be good and practice little by little but its BORING and difficult to not get immediate reward.... Also because for whatever reason i really dont wanna watch tutorials so im tryna be all self taught kinda and im OBVIOUSLY making a lot of mistakes like its part of the process but its FRUSTRATING

Basically im on my 6th??? Idk restart attempt at the same fennec portrait and its. Okay. Its at a point where im like nice as long as i suffer over the details here itll be decent ish. Probably.

But its not REWARDING.....

I know i want to do screencaps and character and face studies to get to the point of good art i wish i could be but .... I also just wanna draw like fun fic scenes and silly doodles of characters like some of the cool artists i follow do but i CANT because im not GOOD ENOUGH yet. ;(((((((

Yea i could post sketches or whatver i manage in a night but like who the fuck wants to follow that? Nah... I just idk. I DONT KNOW i dont know what my art goals are (i do, but DO I??)

My brain also obviously doesnt work very well visually which is GREAT so like, any original work its a lot like 'i'll know its right when i see it' but getting next to no other direction and you just gotta be like right. Okay uhhh my anatomy skills are stunted from when i was like 16?? Perspective?? Detail?? WHATS THE COLOR SCHEME

Never mind that i just... Dont understand the program or brushes that well idk why. Krita should be good and im too stressed to experiment different softwares.... BLEGH

i just. Part of me aches to go back to traditional for a bit but i just, dont have the means to make the scale of work i want ro produce with traditional materials yknow?? Maybe i should try just sketching scanning and then lining on computer again idk. At least for some of these face things.

Ok so my GOAL is to always have a very recognizable face. Like. I guess i cant hold myself to photorealism standards because hahahhah id die! But like, i want the face to be looked at and go ah yes! Its that guy! That actress! My friend! Me! Whoever! But like, recognizable. Because i know i CAN thats what i do! Thats all ive been good at !!!!

And like yeah i could hone that, yknow? Work on face studies and mini portraits of all my favourite actors and scenes and shit. Cool right?? Yeahh that could be sickaroni macaroni. People like faces they can recognize and good refined work. I can do that

But i want to be MORE

Id love love love to make like. Scenic paintings. Concept art level atmosphere and color and light and presence and as tory telling yknow?? Id like to substitute the literally colorless fog inside my head into vivid scenes. Id like to try and take the fics that in my head are set in ??? Space with some movement here and there and just idk emotions? Into fleshed out SCENES with backdrops and accurate anatomy and WEIGHT and like, everything incredible that i admire in true art.

But thats hard, yknow? I havent really ever done backgrounds and what i have have been so flat. I dont KNOW how to do that (here i would be willing to have a teacher i think but. Im tired. I cant even seek out a short term therapist for myself how am i gonna find the kind of teacher i want?? Because of course i want them to teach me how to achieve whata inside my dreams and not what they know how to do ykno)

Yeah so i want to try and paint screencaps in the meantime. See if i cant struggle my way to fit this putty of skill into a square box. Like i think i can paint. Digitally? Somewhat idk?? Maybe if i just. Keep trying itll work out?? Start with simpler ones and build up to complexity??

But also. If im juat trying to get myself to love art again, why am i trying to throw myself in the deep end of struggling with something im not good at?? Shouldnt i be just refining what i already know? Like. A character! Standing. Maybe in a cooler pose if going crazy. Refining basic anatomy. How does fabric work? How does hair work? Can i make expressions seem realistic?

Next step, could i make a picture of someone without direct reference?? Like. Could i draw maybe a wee dinluke holding eachother or whatever and like. Just. Do it?? Without doing a version of photoshopping two pics of the actors through art together. Idk.

Also NONE of this makes sense to anyone outside my head and im SORRY

Like i dont even have a resolution at the end here!!! Im just FRUSTRATED!!!

I wanna draw, i wanna have results and success and rewarding experiences. But i also want ro challenge myself and do super complex shit and like really push myself to learn impressive difficult shit and be proud of down the line.

Im so tired. I cant even feel ok drawing without having someone on call with me to alleviate the immense pressure of frustration and anxiety and stress and struggle!!

I just. Wanna enjoy it

Okay fine i need to find a show or smth to 'watch'

And tomorrow? I might whip out a sketchbook thats been last used 8 years ago and. Ignore everything in it hahhaha its bad

But no im gonna. Im gonna draw scenes. With minimal reference

I might make a face collage i definitely wanna for pascal and mar camel

But im gonna put PENCIL to PAPER and get to the roots of MY HAND CAN DRAW just give her a chance, and get your brain outta the game.

Ok so fuck me this rant has to end here or ill never stop

If you read this (i dont expect ANYONE to have) send me like a message or whatever lol imma need to ask if youre ok <3

[bluecygnets]

people talkin about how they were dubbed as gifted as children and then went to hs or college and realized they werent, meanwhile i somehow did really well in hs and college and i was so confused why? dbdbdbndnd i entered both with low expectations, i kept thinking to myself that i was gonna be with more people and that it's impossible for me to be the smartest one in the class, that there are so many people in the world who are infinitely smarter than me. and then i just did my thing and studied comfortably and i ended up getting high marks. my parents were always more competitive than i was and it put a lot of pressure on me but i never could push myself beyond what i could. so i did what i did. i graduated valedictorian in highschool but only because i had a lot of extra curriculars. i wasnt rlly the student who had the highest grades. but the teachers insisted that i deserved it, that i was the most brilliant because i was well-rounded and i was a good kid.

i went to the top university in the country where most of the smartest students went. i got into a quota course which i only found out later was apparently hard to get into. i thought it wasnt because it was my first choice and i didnt really prepare for the entrance exams but i got in. anyway, when classes started, i also studied comfortably. i also wasnt expecting much but idk i still ended up getting really good grades. i was running for latin honors up until my brain backfired on me. my ego likes to think that i practically still got the latin honors anyway because i was only a few decimal points away from the required average. though it does kinda suck that i dont get the bragging rights for the title. oh well, i was barely alive by third year anyway. i was enveloped by grief and anxiety and depression and i was crawling my way through college. i was barely paying attention in classes and i could barely bring myself to make notes and study for exams. so i should just be grateful that i still passed and graduated without delays.

these days, my boss has been lowkey praising me when we do case presentations with our interns and i do the processing. she says im really good at analysis. my psych also says my clinical judgment has gotten good... that feels really good to hear but at the same time, it doesnt really make sense... like,,, it just doesnt really sink in... i dont really get what's so praiseworthy about all of it.

part of me knows i am smart but part of me is like,,, so what. it's not like im amazingly smart. it's not like i know a whole lot of things. it's not like i have a bunch of awards or works to show for it. like, im smart but does that matter?? idk

i dont rlly feel enough. there are so many things i have a hard time doing now because i think my brain has changed due to stress and trauma. i have high expectations for myself. i dont rlly know what to do to feel enough or to boost my self-esteem. so these days im just like,,, blegh... idk,,, one step at a time and all that i guess

[halfdiamondpick]

Rose/Jade Petplay (Musk, Petplay, Humiliation)

ROSE: Could I ask a favor from you? JADE: sure rose! what is it? :o ROSE: So, you know how Kanaya's birthday is coming up soon? JADE: do they even call them birthdays? ROSE: Does that even matter? JADE: i guess not! ROSE: Well I want to get her a gift. JADE: yes ROSE: And I want your help making her that gift. JADE: im with you so far :p ROSE: Could you help me with that? JADE: you havent told me what it is yet!! ROSE: It's a little difficult for me to say. JADE: why?? ROSE: Approaching someone with a gift like this is difficult. JADE: what's difficult about giving your girlfriend a gift on her birthday! ROSE: She's your girlfriend too- and are we married to the word birthday? JADE: rose ROSE: Hold on, I think we ought to go back to the whole "birthday/wriggling day" dichotomy again. JADE: dont change the subject ROSE: By context alone, it'd be obvious to one what the other meant when they said wriggling day versus birthday, JADE: stop it ROSE: But are we sure that "birthday" conjures up the same emotions for us that a Troll's "wriggling day" does them? Perhaps we need to invent a new word that blends the two. JADE: why are you avoiding saying it? ROSE: What emotion does the word birthday make you feel? JADE: frustrated! ROSE: Yes, you're right, Kanaya would be annoyed, wouldn't she? Okay, let's call this whole thing off then. JADE: ROSE!! ROSE: It's settled, we'll call it birgling day. JADE: JADE: what do you want my help with? ROSE: Can you teach me to be more like you? - When Rose had asked for her help preparing a gift for Kanaya, Jade figured it would be, like, something too expensive to afford for one person. Or measuring for a new bra, as she and Kanaya were about the same proportions.

At no point had she imagined that Rose would ask her how to act like a dog.

Petplay was something they'd approached in their relationship before, with Rose taking a passive role during scenes; preferring to wait to the side while Jade and Kanaya had fun. She never seemed bothered by sitting out before, though maybe she was always secretly itching to join in? But besides that, Jade had always pegged Rose as more of a cat person... "you want to start by getting naked, then dropping onto your hands and knees on the grass," instructed Jade. Rose did as she was told, albeit with some hesitation about getting on all fours. The warm Pacific sun belted down on their island home, keeping things nice and hot even in the shade, so there was no problem being naked outside (and even if there were, Jade would still push for it). In spite of that fact though, a shiver still ran down the pale girl's back. The three girls had moved onto an island in the new-universe (newniverse?), reminiscent of Jade's home growing up, because they valued their privacy from the Carapacians (and the rest of their friends). But even with the certainty that nobody else would see, Rose was still embarrassed to be doing this. Not the being naked- that was commonplace in the dynamic of their relationship. The part about acting, um... sugary? Puerile. Drippy? She was running out of words. Blegh. Hokey??? Even thinking the definitions of those words made the dour young lady recoil. Despite her nauseation however, whenever Rose pictured herself as a goofy mutt drooling affection all over her girlfriends,  she got extremely turned on. Actually, that was where Jade came into all of this. "good girl rose!", she beamed happily, "now when you you hear me call you a good girl youd wag your tail by shaking your hips back and forth," Jade continued, "but since you havent got one of those yet you can just bark instead!" And there it was, the reason why the infinitely-merry, unendingly-exuberant Jade was the ideal person to teach mirthless, cynical Rose. Jade's cheery disposition, combined with her refusal to acknowledge a subject as taboo, made her great at breaking through Rose's defenses. Most other people would give up after she'd manage to retreat behind another wall of snark and misdirections, but Jade never lost sight of the plot. "Could we, um, go over that again?" Rose asked, looking up at Jade with a sheepish expression. "whats wrong rose?" asked Jade, undeterred. "It's just... I'm a little embarrassed about "barking" like an animal. It seems so... yuck. Silly?" Rose responded, looking past the tanned girl's head, and wringing her fingers along the back of her neck to show how uncomfortable she was. "Could we come back to that later?" Jade quibbled with her lip. "would it help you feel less embarrassed if i got down on all fours with you?" she asked Rose, doing her best to remain patient. Jade always knew this was going to be a challenge, because Rose is such an austere girl, but she'd asked for her friend's help to be less stuffy, and no crappy excuses were going to stop Jade from giving it to her! "Huh? Uhm, no, I think that might make it even more difficult, Jade." "how come?" "I would prefer it if someone were above me, since I'd only be doing this for their sake." "thats not true! its what you want as well" "Why would I personally want-- "you want to be on all fours, with your tongue hanging out," "Maybe, If you or Kanaya--" "smelling me and kanaya's butts!" "Dogs do more than sniff butts, you know. They also sniff other things." "youd look really embarrassing with a big dopey grin and a rubber chew toy between your teeth :b" "Yes, I imagine that I would, though--" "and you would love every moment of it!" "Jade! Are you even listening to me?" "do you want me to help you get over your shame?" "Of course I do, but--" "then quit making excuses and admit that youd like to be a horny little doggie, rose!" . . .No reply. Just a pouty noise, a faint trembling, and Rose's legs shuffled together. Jade huffed and kneeled down next to the blonde girl. Maybe exposing Rose as the pervert she really is isn't the way forward. While considering a new approach, she turned her head and noticed Rose's dick-- now half-erect and leaking precum down her thigh. She was getting turned on, being called out like that! "oh!!" Jade placed one hand on Rose's thigh, scooping up some of the sticky fluid with her fingers, while the other squeezed and groped the blonde's ass. "looks like you're already halfway there :p" Jade teased. Her words were met with more excited trembling, but Rose still didn't say a word. "so you can't say it out loud, but you know it's true?" The blonde curled her fingers and toes, ripping some blades of grass up from the ground. She didn't know why it was so hard for her to just say the things she'd like to have, but getting close to outright saying it made her so excited, so she was glad Jade wasn't giving up on her. Perhaps, she worried, admitting that she liked being humiliated would cure the anxiety, and then it would cease to be humiliating, and therefor enjoyable? Judging from the conflicted look on the blonde girl's face, Jade could picture the argument happening inside Rose's head.  You didn't need to have mind powers to know Rose was getting stuck in a loop worrying about how having fun would disturb her image as a tight-ass respectable young lady. So while Rose continued to absorb herself in thought, Jade continued feeling up her backside; feathering her fingertips up and down Rose's squirming thighs, and stroking the head of the girl's prick with the aide of some of the precum she'd collected earlier. Rose didn't have to say anything for Jade to know she was enjoying herself- the twitching of her shaft between Jade's fingers as she worked spoke volumes. "come on rose! you cant say that you arent enjoying this can you?" "I can, and might! Granted, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't, and that would only be because _you've_ been playing with my dick." she scoffed, with a great amount of stubbornness in her voice. "You haven't proven anything other than "sex feels good" and I think the verdict was already in about that, dearest." What a brat! Well then fine! If Rose needed to blame her reactions on somebody else in order to start having fun, then that's what Jade would do for her. Settling on that course of action, Jade moved her messy fingers up by Rose's mouth. "Weren't you supposed to be proving something about me "wanting to be on all fours smelling your-- huh?" The dour young woman snapped out of her rant. "Ew, Jade, what are you do-" but the hand interrupted her, smearing some of the precum on her pale lips. "its called rubbing their nose in it!!!! come on rosie, you made a mess, so you gotta clean it up" Rose recoiled and tried to move her head away, but Jade's hand followed her wherever she went. "Eugh, the smell..." "you should try and sound more disgusted if you want me to believe you actually dont like it" Rose wanted to blurt out "I hate it!" but as the syllables started to form on her lips, Jade's hand nearly budged on in, so she thought it best to just take this loss. No reason she couldn't hum a pitiful whine or two, though.

In spite of her protests, Rose's heart throbbed with excitement at the disrespect of it all. This was *exactly* what she needed. Jade had noticed. Even so, she had appearances to maintain, and Rose defiantly kept her mouth shut; so Jade wiped her fingers under the blonde's nose, rubbing the precum into her skin and embedding the smell  so everywhere she turned stunk of her own crotch. While the blonde jerked her head around insincerely, Jade reached back and grabbed another glob of precum off her thighs. When presented with the 'fresh' batch, Rose's eyes lit up and she took a sharp inhale of musk, accidentally sounding a little _too excited_ to see it. "oh did someone like that? :)" Jade beamed a great big bucktoothed smile at her friend. Rose didn't just like it, she *loved* it. A composed and calculated kind of girl on the surface, who secretly loves stinky odors and having embarrassing messes shoved in her face. "there's other things i can make you smell if you like," Jade offered, appearifying the lime-green panties off her body and suspending them infront of Rose. "you just have to do one thing for me!" Finally capitulating, Rose looked up into Jade's eyes, with a deep red blush across her face, then back down at the hand. She stuck her tongue out and surrendered to licking her own fluids off of Jade's fingers. The taste wasn't new to her at all. In fact, she'd tasted herself plenty of times, when nobody was looking; always fantasizing a scenario like this could play out one day, if she would just allow herse-- if SOMEBODY ELSE just forced her to. Rose felt a great wash of shame come over her, but also a lot of relief, finally giving in and submitting to her baser urges. This was right where she wanted to be, humiliated and complying for the opportunity to be further humiliated. This was good. "that's a good girl rose!!!" Jade praised her, turning her hand about to let Rose's tongue reach every spot between and clean them completely. Rose felt the other hand come down softly on her hair. "are you going to continue to be good, or do i need to humiliate you some more first?" Rose pulled her lips off Jade's finger with an audible *pop*. As much as she enjoyed the threat of that, she wanted to have as many other dirty experiences as she could before her nerves finally  caught up. "I'll be good. What else can I do for you?" "nuh-uh-uh! not so fast! you still havent even done the first thing i asked you to do" "What? Were there more disgusting bodily fluids you wanted me to degrade myself with? I licked your hand spotless!" spewed Rose, incredulously. "no silly!! you were supposed to bark for me remember?" Rose sat up on her knees, petrified. Shit. She had completely forgotten about that. "Well... I suppose, since you've been nothing but supportive of me up until now, aside from a little friendly, um, "teasing", I have no reason to believe you'll judge me too harshly for what will surely be a pawltry attempt at first," Rose loquaciously explained, then cleared her throat. "So, without further delay-" "did you add in a silent w to paltry >:?" "What? Maybe. How can you hear a silent letter?" "my dog ears are just that powerful!" Well that stopped her in her roll. "Are they powerful enough to hear what I'm thinking?" 'har har miss smartypants :p but yes, they can hear when your heart starts pumping with excitement" ...! Rose suddenly realized how transparent she must have been to Jade the entire time. "since youve made so much progress already, im gonna let you have a treat first" Not entirely off the hook, but maybe this will be okay. "roll over!" "What, like frontways?" "no! like turnways!! >:\ but you already knew that" "Sorry, you know these things don't come to me naturally." "just hurry up and show me your tummy or ill make you have to beg to get it!!!!" "..." Figuring Jade might actually make good on that threat, Rose saw no alternative but to comply, and so, flopped over onto her back. Arms outstretched. Or, held tightly to her sides? Crossed over her stomach? She shot a look towards Jade that seemed to be asking what to do with her hands, but the tanned girl just watched her squirm with a big bucktooth-y grin about her. Rose felt awfully- eurgh- silly just laying there on the grass, posture as stiff as a board. Nervously, she lifted her hands up and curled them into the resemblance of a loose paw grip, then turned to see how Jade responded in kind. Pretty exuberantly, it would seem. Jade practically had stars in her eyes as she looked down at Rose. "oooh my goooosh" she exclaimed, grabbing one of Rose's paws in her hands and shaking it. "now youve really earned this" she moved onto her knees next to Rose's head, "keep holding them up just like that," Jade encouraged, while lowering her arm to pin down Rose's head. "Earned wha--" Her eyes lit up wide in realization, and she tried to move away, but was too slow. The dense black tangle of Jade's furry armpit hair came crashing down over her face and she was helpless to stop it! With the heat from the sun already enough to make the girls sweaty when naked, anybody's pits would be a little damp. But combine that with the amount of heat that Jade's armpit hair traps under there, and Rose was practically drowning. Then there was the smell. With such thick and swampy underarms, Jade was always carrying a slightly unpleasant odor around with her. Today, though, she'd been scurrying about the island, getting things ready to help Rose, and the sweat she'd worked up from all that running around was just starting to turn sour. "You call this a treat?!" she stammered, inflating her cheeks to show she was holding her breath and certainly did NOT intend to indulge in these nasty things. "oh please!!! like you dont love it!" Jade chided, bringing her free hand down to wrap around Rose's shaft, "did you think i wasnt gonna notice if you bring up smells like a HUNDRED times???" she continued, emphasizing the word with a gentle poke to the head of Rose's rock-hard dick. "...It was only three..." Rose pouted. "shhhh!!!!" Jade hushed her, by dragging her soaked armpit down to cover Rose's mouth, bathing the whole area with a warm, slimy trail of sweat. "now enjoy your "belly rub" and keep those hands up!" She lifted the musky armpit back up to the demure Lalonde's nose, then started to jerk her off. The dirty, disgusting scent flooded into Rose's senses and her olfactory nerves screamed to get away, but a heat from her loins demanded even louder that she stay put; leaking a river of juices both from the head of her prick, and her agape mouth. "breath iiiiiiin," Jade stroked up Rose's length, "and ooooout," she teased, stroking back down the length in rhythm. Rose, to her credit, kept her hands curled up into paws the whole time. Her knuckles turning white as she writhed in humiliated ecstasy. Her toes mimicking a similar pattern to her fingers, while her legs flit aimlessly on the grass as she neared a tremendous finish. "i cant wait to show you off to kanaya~" Jade whispered, and apparently that was exactly what Rose needed to hear, as she cried out unrestrainedly, and dumped spurt after spurt of viscous, slippery cum all over her tummy and Jade's palm!

Both of them lay like that for a minute; Rose continuing to pant and moan, and Jade slowly peeling her messy hand away from the former's dick. The silence finally broke by a pair of lime green panties falling onto the ground beside Rose. Jade giggled and rolled off, laying down on the grass next to Rose.

"do you realize that you finally barked?" "I did..? I suppose I must've. Well, did I at least sound good?" "you sounded soooooo cute" "Thank you." "but i think we should work on your enunciation :p" "You stink!" Rose laughed, shoving Jade by the shoulder and covering her face with her hand.

"so! we can either start on leg humping or put a plug in your butt and practise tail-wagging!" "..." - Whrrrrrr! Drowning out other sounds, the noise of the sewing machine buzzing away at a bolt of fabric over and over was all she could hear the last several hours, content to be tucked away inside of her room fashioning a new dress for herself, until suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Oh" she said with a start, accidentally wrinkling the fabric below her wrists. "Please Come In" spoke Kanaya softly, fidgeting with the cloth in her hands as she swiveled around to look at the door. "happy birgling day!" Jade beamed excitedly, holding an emerald green leash that lead down to where a naked, collared, and leashed Rose Lalonde crawled in on all fours. A set of dog ears on a headband adorned her blonde hair, and she wore a matching tail plug in her ass. Her face was flushed bright red as she spoke: "Um... woof."

[gendryw4ters-blog]

this is just a general kind of shout outy type thing to say sorry! if ive been weird or up and down or not around enough lately, ive had a busy couple days and ive got a few more coming up and it’s lowkey a time of great anxiety for me at the moment so im even more less in the real world than i normally am which doesnt bode well for communications i know. blegh.

im going down to see some family tomorrow and its bittersweet because the circumstances arent great, and like... gosh i really want to see them obviously because theyre family and i love them, but the reason this whole trip came about in the first place is because gran hasnt been very well lately and yknow, she’s in her late 90s (which is so cool! shes so kick as and i love her) and things have not been going so well- though ive been told theyre getting better! its just a case of sort of.. i dont like to think of her as ever being sick or... yknow, cause, she’s my gran and i love her and we hardly get to see her cause shes far away and im rambling and not wording it right because its difficult for me to talk about but i sometimes still need to jjust- get stuff out and off my chest

even the trip to the zoo is bittersweet because me and my brother get to hang out and have fun, but i also suggested doing it in the first place so that the adults could talk and yknow, i know what i meant by talk. they know what i meant by talk. i think my brother knows what i meant by talk. but itll be okay! itll be okay!

then its results day on thursday, and i find out if i can go to uni or not, which is also a huuuuge source of anxiety and ive been trying to powerr through it but gosh its so hard. itd fucking hard isnt it? to do that. but im trying. im trying my best and thats all i can do.

and i feel a bit like ive wasted my holidays but! thats a problem fr another day i guess. anyways. i love you all and again i am so sorry for being so all over the place i just need to get some stuff sorted in my life and then! itll be okay

but thats the key thing, it will be okay. it will be okay. it will be okay x