#but im finally getting to eat today. and just got to take my meds. its been a rough damn morning

[pseudophan]

got nothing done today except accidentally deleting all my files off the computer and having to recover them so basically i need to be frankly insanely productive tomorrow so i can go to my granddad's birthday on friday without stressing. of course there is no chance in hell this will happen but i can pretend for a little while longer

[happywitch416]

The snow is beautiful, I am making coffee and I am going to spend the rest of my day enjoying it and playing video games.

Because I started my morning with my mother going hey I will be there in 15 minutes and heres a list of things I need from your basement and then was trapped for two hours.

[chronicpain-itsastruggle]

Third surgery of the year went rocky yesterday. I have cried a lot in the last 48 hours. My mom and husband came with me and my mom was able to stay with all the way up to laying down for surgery bc babe had a therapy appointment i wanted him to go to and he agreed. My nurse was so nice and sweet but she tried and failed once to get my IV in. Then the anesthesiologist came in and was a very quiet man. And he sat and picked and prodded at my right hand for about 30 minutes. He tried twice with a lidocaine shot each time before he finally got an iv placed on the inside of my right wrist the third try, also with a lidocaine shot first. I sobbed the whole time. I barely remember walking to the surgery room and laying on the table. Then i woke up holding my moms hand so confused and then in 10/10 pain in my left arm where they took more of my arm out. I screamed and sobbed in pain. I asked Mom “where is Tyler?? Where is babe?!” I didnt even open my eyes i was crying in so much pain. My mom told me they couldnt reach him and i sobbed even harder, terrified. Tyler walked in abt 3 minutes later. His phone wasnt getting calls and he literally sped from home when he saw the voicemail notification. They held my hands as the nurses pushed a bit more pain and anxiety meds and i sobbed in pain. It took a while to get me to Tyler’s truck. I puked twice before i got home, revisiting the apple juice i had tried right after waking up and coming to. Once home i slept a lot on the couch. In and out of consciousness. Tyler stress cleaned our kitchen building our new shelf for our pantry and even selling our dog crate we’ve been needing to sell. So he was very productive awesomely while i was in and out of sleepy town.

Our dog Jupiter, his timing impeccable as always, had diarrhea and pukey all night so we were up every twoish hours having Tyler take him outside again and again. I woke up each time but had to stay on the couch. It was a very rough night.

Today has been the day after surgery and the pain has been so severe. I am staying on top of my pain meds. And thankfully i have been able to eat and drink just fine. The pain is just incredible and severe. We had to take the bandage off and clean it tonight and i sobbed thru the whole thing in agony. Tyler was so patient and gentle with me. I was so brave and its rewrapped and I’m back on the couch calming down while i write this. Im exhausted and it hurts and im so glad i gave myself a month before i go back to work because this is going to be a long recovery.

If anyone is so inclined or wants to: my cashapp and venmo is @ earnham and literally anything will help. I am having to spend so much on medical supplies and dont know when my fmla will actually go thru. Im also going to link my amazon wishlist eventually with a bunch of melanoma gear for this summer but that will be closer to my bday in June bc thats what ima be asking for this year, is help with anything on my wishlist.

This isnt the point of the post i rly just needed to vent my past 48 hours. Thanks for reading if u did.

[hanzhen0506]

~’Awfullll’~

Hello! Its Zhan! A sick fic of Hanjin today! I hope you like thisss, enjoy!

You were in the comfort of your home flipping your cook book, enjoying the peaceful morning when suddenly you got a call from Dohoon. “Hello Dohoon-oppa?”

“Hey y/n! Hanjin didnt want me to tell you but he’s feeling sick right now and he doesnt want to come out of his bedroom to eat or even take meds. Can you come to the dorms and talk to him?”

“Oh! Of course! Ill be there in the evening, im currently busy right now.”

“Alright, take your time. But dont bring a feast here!”

“Dont worry I wont.” You hang up the call and look through your fridge. “Hmm maybe Chinese Chicken Herbal Soup could work.” You start to gather all the ingredients and start cooking.

After 3 hours or so, you finally finish and pack it in a lunch box. You dial Dohoon’s number again. “Hey, so I just finish, ill be there in 20 okay?”

“Alright, you know the passcode right? Just come in.” You hum and start walking to the TWS dorms. Luckily it was a 15 minute car ride there, so you didnt need to rush.

Once entering the dorm, you greeted Dohoon and went straight to Hanjin’s bedroom. There you saw your boyfriend, brows furrowing while sleeping on his stomach. You tch at the sight, placing the lunchbox down and going to the bathroom to get a cold towel with a bucket. You sat close to the bed and gently flip his body into a more comfortable position. The shifting woke him up and he sees you. “Y/n? What are you doing here?”

“Sshh,” you shush squeezing the excess water in the towel and placing it on his forehead. “Taking care of you obviously, how are you feeling?”

“Awfulllll,” He groan, you cup his cheek and he held your hand. “You shouldn’t be here, you’ll get sick.”

“That doesnt matter right now, I brought some herbal chicken soup, do you want to eat it now or you want to take a nap?”

“Ill eat it now,” he smiles getting up. You carefully assisted him while placing the towel back to the cold bucket. You grab the foldable table under his bed and grab the lunchbox revealing the soup you cooked. You set it up and Hanjin just watches you. “Okay, here you go.” You said, but Hanjin just stare at the food.

“Are you okay? Do you need any help? Let me help.” You said grabbing the soup and take a spoonful of it. “Here,” you said after blowing. He chuckled at your action and swallow the soup. “Its delicious!” “Of course it is, I cook it.”

“No wonder, your always good at cooking.” You smiled back continuously feeding him the soup. In the last few scoops Hanjin stopped and cupped your cheek. “When did I get so lucky with you?” He teared up as you saddenly smile, feeling sympathy for your boyfriend who’s in a vulnerable state. “This is just a repayment for when I got sick before, and for all the love you give me everyday.”

“I love you Baobei,” he says. “Alright, finish up the soup.” You said to him, wiping his tears away and continue to feed him.

You tucked Hanjin to his bed as he lay comfortably. Before you could leave he hold your hand, “Can you.. sleep here with me?” You smiled and nodded getting on to the bed, you pulled Hanjin closer and he situated his head on your chest. “Thank you for taking care of me Baobei,”

“Anytime, I love you too.” You said before he drift off to sleep with a smile. You might not say it much but atleast you can show it to him how much you care for him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Please do not steal my works!)

[frogginlosingit]

today was my birthday

and all i could think about was my quickest exit. iykwim. i hated it. being around my family just makes me want to go down a slide of the sewer variety.

it was like whiplash. with my friends, i am like their little baby princess angel. I got gifts and they were extra sweet and let me pick food and movies and all that junk. they dont have to /buy/ anything but its the attention that was so sweet and just being like "oh OP you pick where we get food!" and they were quite generous. Hell im starting to think my friends are altruists! it was unbelievably sweet of them to shower me with so much love. but then came the family side of the weekend.

SO i went to a relatives house for a family birthday party and it was okay. I got some good gifts mostly from my favorite uncle (crime and punishment and a bunch of other Dostoevsky works). However, the men in the family largely ignored the festivities to argue about politics and religion despite all sharing the same opinion.... I was thrown into a somewhat babysitter role and as soon as the teenage kids wanted to leave it was pretty much over about an hour and a half after starting. Now you might think that sounds normal, but family events are usually all day and at least 5 hours. So i was like okay??? And i went home to have the house to myself for a bit while my parents ran errands. My mom at the party kept trying to embarrass me, humiliate me, and minimize me at every opportunity. My family threw this big party all to make me feel so fucking small and barely talk to me. it was just...humiliating. Being sung happy birthday by people who haven't called in 10 years but now that youre in easy reach it's happy birthday OP? it just felt so...anger inducing. but maybe my new meds just need to kick in?

then today was my birthday. I did my normal Sunday routine as I was not willing to deviate despite it being my birthday. My parents made me a special breakfast and I am glad I knew it was coming ahead of time bc I was able to smoke beforehand so I could actually eat. I hate breakfast. The food is so bussin but eating in the morning is so disgusting to me esp on the meds I am on. I cant help but be an IF queen now. Anyways that was fine except that sportsball had already started... So when I was opening gifts and trying to talk my parents just didnt hear me. I got some clothes which was a surprise! And a new monitor which was not a surprise lol I explicitly asked for it but had a few things I wanted for compatibility sake and guess what? I wasnt heard. So we had to take it back and get a new one which thankfully worked. But after dinner tonight I was so depressed and upset I couldnt even use it. My computer has been out of commission for months and I was supposed to be pumped but I am crushingly depressed tonight. After getting off the phone with my best friend I finally broke down and sobbed for the first time this weekend.

I used to love my birthday now I cant remember why.

[rutht444]

first psychiatrist appt june 19 2024

Where do I even begin?

First of all it felt so OFF when i arrived inside the building. Always trust your gut and when I tell you everything was telling me it was wrong. First the receptionist was rude af didn't help me at all. People giving me weird looks. I think im so mad and sad that i was excited to see one and finally getting help, and my experience was bad. When i first met him he was nice but omg the lack of empathy, the lack of questions, making me feel stupid? He was like so what's going on do you have any trauma, like wtf. He didn't even ask me alot of questions about my ptsd, how my symptoms are like huh? Did not review what i was feeling at the moment. Just sat there and cried and pescribed me two medications. he asked me what happened and what did I take and did not seem to care if it was triggering?? That bothered me the most. I tried to be strong and not cry too much. Did not ask me if i was okay. I just felt rushed and I didn't like that. like why tf would u ask me what happened and relieved that moment and try to remember what happened. I think that threw me off. I just need to get this out of my mind. Like what if he triggered my ptsd and i wanted to kill myself. Luckily right now I dont feel like that at all. I just suffer from anxiety and depression. My symptoms for ptsd I think are acute. I'm just anxious most of the time and can't do simple tasks. I dissociate most of the time thats the main problem. Also I can never sleep i always sleep around 3am. But as of right now, I dont feel suicidal I haven't felt like that in a while. I just feel numb like idk what happened in the last 6 months I didnt realized I was so depressed. My problem is feeling unmotivated most of the time. I'm just so thankful for my sister to reach out when it was the perfect timing. Like even with the pharmacy was acting difficult. It was God and the universe protecting me. I am so grateful and thankful this happened. If i got my meds right away, i would of taken them. But so glad I didnt. My sister was there for me when I needed her. I could cry because all of this is overwhelming thats why I put it off for so many years. I can't believe I i was struggling since 2017. I can't believe I never took care of myself. Its just crazy how long I struggled for. 7 years of struggling with this. It's time to take action and help myself. My goal is to take care of my health spirtually,mentally and physically. I know it's going to take time but I recovered so much of my symptoms already. I recovered from having an eating disorder, I know i can concentrate more, I know my triggers, I'm so grateful God made sure I am alive today. Thankful fo my well being, my sister, my bella, my parents for not pressuring me to do something I dont want to do. i want to see what my life would look for a year from now. I am ready for change, I am ready for meds, I am ready to cure my anxiety and depression.

[raincamp]

7 - 19 - 23

why is being mentally ill so fucking expensive???

i've been really stressed about money recently. and i hate it because im only 19 right, i shouldn't be worrying about how to pay back thousands of dollars in medical debt, i haven't even made my first rent payment in my life yet.

my insurance decided to deny coverage for my hospital stay earlier this month after i attempted. i have to pay thousands for an ambulance, for the days they kept me over my allotted insured days, for the stay at the hospital where they evaluated me, and i can't get any help because im still on my parents insurance, and they dont want to help me pay for my treatment anymore.

(TW for suicidal ideation and bad hospital experiences)

after my insured days were up, i begged the fucking doctors at the psychiatric hospital not to keep me longer, not only because they were COMPLETELY unequipped to handle treating my BPD beyond sedating me everytime i had an episode, but also because it was $600 a day that i had to pay out of pocket (+ extra fees for meds etc). and you know what the doctor said? "you're still reporting passive suicidal ideation, i dont feel comfortable sending you home."

yeah, of course i have passive ideation, i'm fucking borderline, that's literally one of my symptoms, one of the diagnostic criteria in the DSM. you think you can put my BPD into remission in two weeks?

i have good treatment at home, i go to group weekly, have one on one dbt, get phone coaching with my therapist, but this fucking doctor wouldn't let me go, and after spending almost a week begging her, she finally agreed to IF i signed an ROI for my parents. that manipulative bitch

i dont tell my parents the details of my treatment for a reason. you can probably imagine how that went down when i got home.

anyway, that's neither here nor there. today I've been feeling like i am completely unable to survive in this society. i can't manage to get myself to go to work consistently, despite the fact that i get paid decently and want to. last week was the first week since i was employed in april that i went to work everyday.

i called in today. i just cant fucking do it. work takes everything out of me. i come home and sleep 12 hours because im exhausted, and if i have the time i can sometimes convince myself to make food before i leave for work again. i dont have time for hobbies, i dont have time to enjoy anything, getting to see friends means being sleep deprived, i don't even have time to take care of myself. calling in sick is me giving myself time to fucking shower and eat a meal and clean my room and possibly even do something relaxing so i don't drown in stress.

now that im drowning in medical bills— among the rent and electricity bills i will have to start paying next month when i move out, along with the debt im in for my car— being unable to go to work consistently feels like a death sentence. and honestly, yeah, i am considering death so that i dont have to worry about this shit anymore. because obviously me with my chronic mental illnesses— that even if they do manage to go into remission, will make me a slave to the healthcare system in the process— are not meant to thrive in this society.

i cant fucking do it. not right now- and if I can't right now while im in a stable living situation, then i certainly wont be able to when the roof over my head is dependent on whether or not i can get myself out of bed everyday.

its bullshit that im considering killing myself over medical bills at 19.

- andrew

[goat-yells-at-everything]

Sobbing and crying and hyperventilating.

SHE FINALLY TOOK HER MEDS!

For those of you who are new since last months adventure with Rosie and her stinky pills; here is a short catch up.

Rosie takes Trifexis which is a heartworm, flea, ect ect; just a general parasite pill. Its a good medicine, it works very well. Its NOT a chewy, though. Its a chalky horse pill about a half inch in size. Its supposed to taste like beef.

If it does, its rotten beef because it smells like fucking MOLD.

And for the last 2 months I've had to fight her to take the pill. I used to be able to coat it in peanut butter and she's, begrudgingly, take it. But 2 doses ago she decided that she'd had enough of it. November I ended up having to wrestle her down, pry open her mouth, and stuff it down her throat. To her credit, she did not even look a tiny bit like she'd bit me while I did this. She just kept pulling away and then licking me.

December i tried to use pill pockets.

This pill is bigger than the biggest pill pocket i could fined! So I used a pill cutter to make it smaller and used several pockets.

She ate the treat and spit out the pill. Xc

I tried taking string cheese (her new favorite treat) and wrapping the bits up. She ate the cheese and spit out the pill bits.

When I finally said I didn't have any patience I tried to wrestle her down again. This dog. This fucking dog! Knew what I was doing and managed to use all her 60 wiggly pounds to maneuver herself so I never got her down or her mouth open.

All in all I got about half the pill in her.

So here is that dark day once again and im dreading when I finally need to try to make her take the pill again. I'm at Walmart and wondering what I can get to try and drawing a blank. So I call mom and im just *distressed goat noises*. She suggested that I get some wet dog food (she usually just has only kibble), mash the pill into fine powder, and mix it into the wet food.

I'm still dubious this will work. I'm expecting her to smell that shit and just refuse to eat the wet food. I gave her a little before I defiled it and she really liked it so I started to have hope. So I brought in the meal and stepped back to watch.

She dove nose first into the dish and DEVOURED IT. All of it. Every last bit.

She. LICKED. The fucking. Bowl. CLEAN.

I'm so happy. I finally found something that works!

I'm still gonna look into something different, though. Dont know if it'll work too many times but after I spent what I did on the 6 month pack, I wasn't gonna let it go to waste if I could help it.

So im a happy pibble mom here with my content pibble. Today was a good day.

Now it time for sleepy pubby.

[strangecowplant]

UPDATE

sorry once again for the very late update, teddy has been requiring quite literally every second of my time right now but i can write when hes napping

teddy is home again, and he's really messed up on his meds. he's now also taking lorazepam on top of his antibiotics and gabapentin, coupled with another bout of sedation he's extremely high right now. i was not told taking these two would increase side effects like dizziness, drowsiness, confusion ect he's completely fucked up right now. they also didnt tell me the side effects of this new med, one being vocalization which is horrible to hear esp when you dont know why its happening, the only way to stop him meowing sometimes is to hold him like a baby and sing as i walk up and down the hall. i had to literally google all these side effects and interactions myself

he is drinking lots, eating lots but he has not peed yet again. im trying to stay so positive right now, maybe its because he's so fucked up on meds, maybe he just needs some time, i have no idea. hes trying, not straining, but nothings coming out yet, he did poop however so in theory he does have control over his muscles enough back there which should mean he can pee, and yet...

im so exhausted, but im also EXTREMELY pissed off now. i am done with this vet, i never even got a call today for reassurance until late, i had to call three times to ask about him and was only able to get small updates from the other staff bc the vet was in surgeries, understandable of course surgeries are top priority, but he or one of the staff could've at least called in the am like i was expecting. i didn't receive a call until 4:30 as i was walking out the door to go there

they removed the catheter before calling me, i said i would've liked to keep it in for as long as possible yesterday but it was in for less than 24 hours again (first time it was in for less than 12) and they didn't check if he could go on his own afterwards afaik. it seemed like they were just shrugging me off, i had to ask all the questions that really should've been explained by them first I had to be the one to even ask if this new medication could even be TAKEN with his other ones. i had to ask if he was given his meds this morning (he wasnt last night because 'he was still very groggy from the anaesthesia' which im sure is code for 'place is closed time to go home' i hope his pain medication stayed in his system enough to last overnight) something didnt feel right yesterday when i stood my ground to them, it really feels like the vet wants to wipe his hands clean and move on like he knew i wouldnt be giving them more money for surprise additions (which mind you, the new medication was a surprise and never spoken about. his first dose of it was at 9am, they had ample time to call me beforehand and explain he would be taking it)

when the vet finally called he also mentioned randomly that he has a minor heart murmur likely from birth, except i know for a fact he's never had one he's been checked over multiple times since birth and has always had a super clean bill of health. i asked if it could be caused by the blockage but he said its unrelated and then said he wanted to xray or ultrasound to check right then and it would be 850-900+$ with adding on a bunch of words as if to scare me. of course i dont want my boy to be ill but all this happening and knowing that im already struggling to pay just feels like a way to milk more money from me. of course a check would need to be done but i would've appreciated an 'in the future we will want to check this' and not 'he can collapse' when im already dealing with teddy being on deaths door. not to mention having him be sedated again i can't imagine being good at all for him. the way it was gone about feels wrong and i was a wreck until i talked to my mom about it and she reassured me. scouring studies i did in fact find its relatively common for murmurs to happen with acute urinary blockage in cats, so saying it was absolutely unrelated further adds to my mistrust. to add on even more, i also know for a fact ultrasounds for cats are nowhere NEAR 900 dollars

i don't know how teddy is going to hold up tonight, he's not all there from the drugs and hes not peeing. im so broken im numb, but im angry now. im going to do the absolute best i can for him, im calling around other vets tomorrow to see what can be done, im going to get second opinions and ask if what this vet did was as wrong as i think it is. i am preparing for the worst but working hard for the best and i am never going back to that place, they've taken thousands of dollars from us in the last two years with most of it from just this weekend and for what? just to be pushed aside?

please everyone keep teddy in your thoughts and hope he can somehow recover from this, hope he can make it through the night and finally pee, he can pee on whatever he wants i dont even care i just want him back to normal

please help me pay my kitties emergency vet bill!

ive never done this before but one of my cats just had to get an extremely sudden emergency procedure and i don't know what to do, my vet and i have reached out to a couple incredible programs here to help with the bill but one is less than half and the other hasn't replied back yet, i've already declined the blood work (CA$356) to lower the bill at the risk of possible underlying liver and kidney issues not being found but its still a monumental amount for us right now. i just feel so helpless

we had enough to pay the minimum deposit to get the procedure started in time thankfully, but we were already scraping by as it is and now we're in desperate need of funds to eat/pay rent/pay off any remainder of the bill. i am disabled without aid and have been unable to work/haven't worked since 2015 but am on track to hopefully start working pt this fall. i live with my mom who has 3-4 jobs including one seasonal job which needless to say is stressful and wearing her down. we unfortunately are stuck in the most expensive place to live in canada with the inability to save up to flee so the cycle is never ending.

this is Teddy, my typically very silly vocal happy boy who's not quite 2 yet, my comfort king, my little muffin who acts like a weighted blanket for me at night and eases my anxiety, his favourite toy is his pink unicorn poof, he loves car rides and he can shake paw!

he got a sudden urinary blockage last night with no straight answer as to why and progressively got worse as the night went on, i didnt sleep at all, i was panicking and bawling, naturally, and raced to the vet to get in as soon as the door opened. i assumed it was a uti which wouldn't have been as costly, but it turned out to be much more severe and life threatening. i never expected my usually extremely healthy boy to suddenly be at risk of that and im still trying to just process whats been happening

he needed to be sedated and given a catheter and some medication, the total bill came to CA$985.62, of which we were barely able to pay 500 of, and one program was able to donate 300 leaving a total of CA$185.62 for the bill. this, of course, leaves us scrambling for food and rent as well

i know there are a lot of fundraisers out there needing donations right now, and i really hate letting myself be so open and raw like this but even a dollar would help tremendously and i would be forever grateful for any help whatsoever, even a rb to signal boost is greatly appreciated <3

TLDR; my cat had a sudden life threatening issue and now we can't pay the full vet bill or pay for food/rent

Paypal

[sweet-dining-car]

vent in tags

[ewritesthangs]

The Big Day

Today, was the day. Corpse and you were getting married. You woke up bright and early, but not before Corpse. He left you a rose with a note beside the bed. 

'I'll see you later. I'll be the guy at the alter. 🖤' 

Starting the day off with an even bigger smile than before. You received a text from your maid of honor, your mom, your dad, Sean. All basically saying they're excited to see you guys get married. You just chuckle and get ready for the day. First was nails. Then hair and makeup. Then to the venue. You put on a shirt that said "Bride", some jeans and your converse. You drive to breakfast first, since the nail salon wasn't open yet. The wedding was at 1. It was 945. Your appointment was at 1030 for nails. Breakfast was only some muffins and coffee. Iced, for you. You guys get there early, so they take you in early. You get acrylics. (See picture above) this took over an hour. By the time you finished, you had about 15 minutes to go to your next appointment. Which was only a few minutes away. 

"Were gonna be late!" 

"I'll call and tell them that I might be late. Don't worry Y/BFF/N." you did as you said, calling to make sure it would be okay if they were a little late just in case you guys were. 

"Of course love! You are my only client today. I want to see you guys get married. Uh-duh." You laugh. 

"Thank you so much. I'll make sure you get a nice tip."

"Just give me some extra cake." 

"You've got that too." You hang up and head over there.

CORPSE POV  

I awoke earlier than my wife to leave her a cute note with a rose. I leave her with a sweet kiss to her forehead before actually leaving for the day. Our day. Our wedding day. I was spending the day with Sean, Felix, Sykkuno, and some other friends of mine. Today was going to be a great day, though I am super anxious. I take some of my meds to help. The guys pick me up and bring me to go to breakfast first. At my favorite spot. 

"Soooo, are you nervous? Excited?" 

"Yes." I chuckle and order some food. "I'm nervous something might go wrong. But i'm excited to marry the love of my life." 

"Awww our Corpsey is growing up." Felix says feigning choked up. 

"Yeah, I really am. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with Y/N." 

"So sappy. I love it." Sean chimes in. We eat once the food arrives and converse about anything and everything. 

"Where are you guys going for your honeymoon?" 

"Welllll were going to...." I tell them where. (Keeping it a surprise to you guys still.) 

"She is going to love it!" 

We then head to the venue to get ready. 

Back to 2ND PERSON POV 

You were finished up with your hair and makeup. You looked breathtakingly beautiful. Your mom chokes up. 

"My baby girl. Getting married." 

"Mom you're gonna me cry." You fan your eyes and hug her. 

"Lets get to the venue and get you dressed. Thankfully the venue is right around the corner." She chuckles. You guys head there. 

Upon arrival, you see many people already there. You were nervous, yet excited to marry Corpse. You get out of the car and go in, making sure no man sees you. You wanted to capture the moment your father sees you and your husband, of course. You go into a room of the barn there. You get dressed with the help of your best friend. Them and everyone tear up. At how breathtaking you look. 

"I said I wouldn't cry but crap here we go." Your best friend says, fanning their eyes. You laugh, tearing up yourself. 

"Guys I'm gonna cry!" You fan yourself. "God today is so emotional. I knew it would be." 

"It's almost time guys!" Your mom yells, excited. She goes out and sits down. Your best friend goes out and waits for her turn. Your dad comes in and stops, his breath hitching. 

"My baby girl. Getting married. To a wonderful man. Im so happy for you. You're so beautiful." He lets a few tears fall as he takes you into his arms. A Thousand Years by The Piano Guys starts to play. Signalling its time. Time to walk down the aisle to your future. 

"Don't let me fall, daddy." You whisper, holding onto his arm. You take a deep breath. 

"Never my love." You guys begin your ascend. You walk from the barn, to the aisle. Corpse sees you and instantly his eyes fill with tears. You were the only girl in the world, in that moment. Your own breath hitches at the sight of your future husband. You slowly walk to your Corpsey. He holds his hand out for you. Your dad lifts your veil and kisses you gently on the cheek. 

“Who gives this young lady to this young man?” The wedding officiant says. 

“I do.” Your father says, voice breaking. Corpse takes your hand and you hand off your flowers to your best friend so you can hold his other hand. 

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the marriage of Corpse and Y/N. If anybody has any objections, speak now or forever hold your peace. Thank the Lord nobody said anything.” That comment causes everyone to laugh. “The bride and groom have written their vows. Corpse, your first.”

“Y/N, when we met I knew we would be at least friends forever. When you said yes to dating me, I knew we were in for the long run. I had grown to have strong feelings for you. And they keep growing for you every second of every day. The love I have for you is unmatched. I never knew I could love anyone as much as I do you. You have shown me I am loveable, I am enough, I can conquer anything. You mean more to me than I ever thought possible. You really do complete me. You have made me a better man. And I am eternally grateful for you being in my life. Now here we are. On our wedding day, granted I started writing this when you said yes to marrying me, you look beyond breathtaking. You standing in front of me ready to say I do, I hope.I can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives and beyond together. I promise to uplift you, to love you forever and beyond, to be there for you, to cherish you, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer. Together we can do anything. I love you, Y/N Y/M/N.” By the end of the vows’ you were in tears, happy tears but still. You were thankful for good setting spray and waterproof makeup. Corpse’s voice had waived during the duration of his vows’. “Oh baby.” He wipes your tears from your cheeks, trying so hard not to kiss your supple lips. 

“That was beautiful, holy crap. Any dry eyes up in here? No? I didn’t think so!” You chuckle. 

“Y/N, are you okay to say your vows?” The officiant says. 

“Yes. I’ve got this.” You take a deep breath before taking out your vows. “Corpse. My love. I knew from the moment I met you, we would forever be in each others lives. When I began to catch feelings for you, you asked me out. With great relief, I said yes. He likes me too! I knew from that moment on, we would get married someday. And I had a feeling that if the feeling was mutual, you’d pick Halloween as our wedding date.” You chuckle and sniffle a little. “My love for you only grows stronger as the seconds pass. I can’t imagine, nor will I, a life without you. You make me the happiest every moment of every day. I promise to love you until the end of time and beyond. I promise to be there for you, to love you no matter what happens in life. I promise to let you stream peacefully. I promise to have and to hold you in every way possible. I promise everything. I do I do I do. With all of my heart and soul, I do!” You wipe your tears and smile at your Corpse. 

“Beautiful! Now who is ready to put them rings on?” The officiant chimes. “Corpse, do you take Y/N to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold? For richer or for poorer? In sickness and in health from this day forward?” 

His face broke out in the biggest grin. “I do.” He slides on your ring. 

“And do you, Y/N, take Corpse to be your lawfully wedded husband? You heard me say that stuff for him right? I don’t have to repeat?” He causes everybody to laugh again. “To have and to hold? For richer or for poorer? In sickness and in health from this day forward?” 

“Hell yes I do!” You slip his ring on with the biggest grin matching Corpses. 

“I now pronounce you husband and wife! Corpse, kiss your bride.” 

“With pleasure.” He takes your cheeks in his hands and he kisses you passionately. Sparks and butterflies fly around. And you pull him in closer by his waist. Everyone cheers for you. 

“I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. H/L/N!” He pulls back only slightly before pecking your lips then holding your hands up. 

“We’re married!” He cheers. You giggle and cheer as well. Your best friend hands you your flowers. You walk back down the aisle, a married woman. 

--------

Decorations flow in the light breeze of the autumnal afternoon. Laughter and conversations warm up the reception before the bride and groom enter. The final click of the camera notifies you that it was time to go to the reception. You hold onto Corpse's arm, walking into the reception once announced. You guys had planned on doing the first dance right away, to get it out of the way for both of you don't dance the best. You guys practiced a slow dance though, the whole time you guys were engaged. I'll Follow You by Shinedown begins to play. You and Corpse go to straight to the dance floor. Your arms wrap around his neck loosely and his arms wrap around your waist. 

If I could find assurance to leave you behind 

I know my better half would fade 

And all my doubts 

Is a staircase for you 

Up and out of this base 

The first step is the one you believe in 

The second one might be profound 

Eyes lock. Love emits. Kisses pressed to your lips. 

I'll follow you down to the eye of the storm 

Don't worry I'll keep you warm 

I'll follow you down 

While we're passing through space 

I don't care if we fall from grace 

I'll follow you down 

Twirls. Corpse twirls you a few times and pulls you close once again. 

You can have the money and the world

The angels and the pearls

Even trade my heart for color blue

Just like the tower we never built

And the shadow of all the guilt

When the other hand was pointing at you

Yet the first step is the one you believe in

The second one might be profound

You look at your husband with nothing but pure love and joy. He truly makes you the happiest. 

I'll follow you down to the eye of the storm

Don't worry I'll keep you warm

I'll follow you down while we are passing through space

I don't care if we fall from grace

You are picked up by your husband and spun around a few times. 

I'll follow you down to where forever lies

Without a doubt I'm on your side

There is no where else I'd rather be

I'm not about to compromise

Give you up to say goodbye

I've got you through the deep

I'll keep you close to me

I'll follow you down to the eye of the storm

Don't worry I'll keep you warm

I'll follow you down

While we are passing through space

I don't care if we fall from grace

I'll follow you

If I could find assurance

To leave you behind

I know my better would fade

I'll follow you down

Corpse pulls you in for a sweet kiss. Dips you down. You squeal, feeling butterflies in your stomach. He chuckles at your response and pulls you back up. "I love you so much Mrs. H/L/N." 

"I love you just as much, maybe more." 

----------

Later that night, as the reception is winding down, you find your husband with his streaming buddies laughing away. 

"Honey, it's almost time." You softly remind your husband. You knew you guys had a flight soon for the reception was almost finished. 

"Okay baby, let's go get dressed." His voice, though always raspy, was soft and sweet. He pressed a kiss to your temple. You just smile up at him and press a kiss to his jaw. Back to the changing rooms of the barn, you guys venture off to. You change into a cute little white dress, while Corpse changes into a button up shirt and some jeans. You guys meet back up, your veil still on. 

"My beautiful wife." Emphasis on the wife. "I'll never tire of calling you my wife." His smile was unbreakable. 

"Where are we going?" You ask, still unaware of where he was taking you for your honeymoon. 

"Hmmm. Where is somewhere you have always wanted to go?"  

"Bora bora?" 

"Yes baby." 

"What! How?!" 

"Thank Sean for helping. It was part of his gift." He winks and chuckles. You jump up into his arms and hug him tightly. Perfect way to end the perfect day. 

Tag list: @teenloves @whatinthyworld @deadangelbride @teamragnarssons @lovely-ki

[incorrect-miraith-quotes]

(A/N yes, this is an incorrect quote acc but I can write actual good stuff too 😳)

Drinks and Sunsets

7:00 AM (3 hours before the match starts)

“Renee!! Wake up please, there is breakfast!” Natalie shouted at the closed door infront of her. Renee had fallen asleep at an ungodly time trying to find out more about herself and well, it didnt work out the way she wanted. She groaned, squeezing her eyes tight while moving her arms up. She stretched and eventually popped her shoulder which caused her to scream but not really scream if you understand what I mean. She cursed at herself for not going to sleep earlier knowing that there was a game today. She sat up, shading her eyes from the window that shown the bright sun. Her head turned to the door when she heard knocks coming from the other side. “someone’s there” Renee’s voices whispered, echoing throughout her ears. “No shit sherlock,” She hissed.

“Wra- I mean Renee~ wait no- sorry. Renee are you gonna eat?” Elliot sputtered, clearing his throat. “Depends on what it is,” She sighed. “It’s uH..pancakes I think? I dont know, Ramya was chosen to be the one who cooks today. They looked..burnt,” He explained, shuddering from the thought of Ramya’s pancakes. “I guess, give me a minute to get dressed and I’ll head out. Wait for me?” Renee asked, getting up and walking to her dresser. “Uh..yeah, yeah I’ll wait for you. Dont worry about a thing..you worried cause I’m not..haha..ha..,” Elliot trailed off, sliding down to the floor until he hit his arse on the concrete. Renee chuckled to herself in his stupidity and got dressed. She wore a black tank top with short grey shorts and her black sneakers with her ankle high socks (black of course). She unlocked her door and peered over to the tall man crouched next to her door, falling asleep.

“Wake up Elliot, I thought I was the one to wake up hm?” She flicked his forehead, causing him to rub the spot where he was hit. “Ow ow ow- Why??” Elliot questioned, confused as to why he was hit. “You were gonna start drooling so..anyways, breakfast?” Renee pulled him up, almost falling backwards. “I mean that’s why I’m here right? Right? i hope Im right..,” Elliot trailed off again, starting his journey towards the kitchen with the small woman behind him. Everynow and then he would peek back to make sure she was still there and not inside a portal. “You’re safe with him” Renee looked up at Elliot, the voice echoing throughout her mind. “You like him dont you” Renee looked up at the ceiling and scrunched her face in annoyance, internally screaming at the voices. “I don’t, you guys always assume things,” she whispered, looking at the random framed pictures hung up on the wall. “Elliot!” Renee shouted at the still walking man. He jumped slightly and flinched, “y-yeah? What’s up?” “Kitchen is right here doofus,” She nodded her head towards the room, “How did you manage to miss this big ass room??” “I guess it was an accident, never done that before haha,” He sighed and apologized. The so called pancakes were sitting on a top of a white ceramic plate, getting colder by the minute. “I wouldn’t even dare to try them..I mean you could but- It probably wouldnt be good..,” He walked over to the counter, “If you want, I can cook somthing up for you?” “That would be nice thank you and uh..can you make me some coffee? You know how I like it already,” She sat down at the large dinner table, laying her head down. “Yeah I can do that for ya, anything you want in particular?” Elliot asked but was met with silence. He peeked over and saw she was sleeping soundly with her head in her arms. Elliot took off his sweater and draped it over her shoulders then went back to the kitchen.

8:37 AM (1:30 hours before the match starts)

“Breakfast is ready Renee,” he shook her gently until she stirred, “Mornin’ beaut- I-I mean um..sleepyhead..? Yeah..that’s the word..sleepyhead.” “Mmm..mor-“ She clears her throat and rubs her eyes, “morning..sorry I fell asleep I just didn’t get enough sleep last night.” She looked down at the scrambled eggs and toast that were neatly placed onto the plate infront of her. “It’s fine, I didnt wanna bother you because I thought you’d kill me,” He admitted, taking off the apron that was tied around his waist. He placed it on the hook next to the fridge where a stickynote was left by Octavio not to touch his jello. The only person he let touch his stuff was Natalie. Renee picked up the fork and began eating. “You should date him” “No,” She whispered, furrowing her brows as she picked up a piece of egg with her fork. She watched as the tall man made her coffee just the way she likes it; black with a little bit of sugar and creamer. She was never one to like sweet coffee like everyone else. He poured the jug’s contents into her prefered mug. He added the little things she liked and carried it over to where she was sitting. She thanked him with a small, almost unnoticable, smile. Renee sat there with her cup close to her nose, smelling the bitter coffee aroma. She cooled it before sipping it slowly, enjoying the taste of her morning coffee.

“Hey Elliot, do you know what time it is?” She questioned the other who was washing the pan. He checked his phone and replied, “8:52” Renee stood up and brought her plate to the sink after she was done eating. “Could you wash these for me? I need to freshen up in my room,” She handed him the plate, “thanks.” She started making her way towards her room; which consisted of one right and a lot of walking straight. But she never got tired of it since she was happy she lived comfortably with her friends. The 2 rooms that were next to hers were Natalie’s and Ajay’s. The boys were on the opposite side so in front of her was Elliot. The hallway she lived in held 6 legends at a time 3 girls, 3 boys. Renee’s hallway had Ajay, her, and Natalie and then Octavio, Elliot, and Tae. The others had their hallways, some with empty rooms for future legends. Natalie was never really in her room since she was always with Octavio. It was weird, seeing two polar opposites living together. Then there were Ajay and Tae, she managed to make friends with him. I’m pretty sure Tae is still annoyed but is warming up to her.

“Oh! Youre awake finally,” Natalie smiled, walking out of Octavio’s room, “You never woke up so I had to get Elliot to help me..” Renee stood there at her door with the key in the slot, “Yeah, Ive just been...thinking.”

“Hm, well I hope you get some more sleep. Oh and goodluck with the match today!”

“You arent participating today?”

“Non, Ive been feeling unwell for the past few hours”

“Why aren’t you in bed then?”

“Well, Tavi was getting Ajay but he hasnt come back yet”

“You should be resting Nat..”

“Im okay I swear! Pas besoin de s'inquiéter,” She smiled softly and weakly. She was still in the large shirt Octavio gave her to sleep in and pajama pants. She had a small nessy plush tucked into her elbow, being squished tightly. “Chica! Get back in the bed right now or else im going to llevarte allí yo mismo,” Octavio came back with soup and meds, shouting at the sickly girl. “Ah, Tavi.. Je suis désolé I was just wondering where you were.,” She hugged the plush closer to her fragile body. “Come here conejita, lets get you better,” He lifted her up into his arms, still carrying the supplies Ajay had given him, “When you are done being sick I am going to....”

“Lovebirds,” Renee sighed and closed the door to her room, preparing for the match ahead of her. She got her battle gear on and re-did her messy bun into a neat one. Her kunai rested on the counter, untouched in its holster. She picked it up and unsheathed it, smiling at the small sparks of void that emitted out of it. She put it away and hooked the holster to her belt. “You know you wanna be like them, you cant deny it” The voices teased. “You guys really want me in a relationship huh,” Renee flopped backwards onto her messy bed. She didnt have time to make it in the morning but now she can. She checked her phone and scrolled through her social medias. Elliot made her download them and every now and then, Elliot will make her post a picture or something. She always got tagged in fanart and random posts about her in the matches. She would occasionally like some and they would freak out and thank her. She scrolled through her tagged until she came across one post. It was fanart of her and Elliot, sitting together with their hands intertwined watching the sunset. Renee blushed slightly at the art. She saw that Elliot had already liked it, but seeing as he likes all posts that he got tagged in, it wasnt weird. She hesitantly liked it and turned off her phone. “Maybe I do like him” Her thoughts were interupted when someone knocked at the door.

9:34 (couple minutes until the match starts. The ship still has to arrive at the arena, World’s Edge)

“Renee! Get yuh ass over here ‘cause the match starts soon!” Ajay’s voice boomed through the door. Her footsteps could be heard on the other side as she walked away. Renee stood up and stretched while walking towards where Ajay just was. She opened the door to see Elliot walking out of his room. “Oh hey Ren..can I call you that? Im gonna call you that..anyways, hi. Wanna walk together?” She nodded, “Okay cool, lets start heading over before everyone leaves without us.” They walked in a comfortable silence over to their friends. Octavio was in a corner moping since he didnt have his love interest with him while Crypto spied on him from another corner. He was still mad that Nat rejected him a few weeks ago to be with Octavio. It was crazy hearing that he was sulking around in his room for hours on end. But back to the main girl in this story, Renee sat down on one of the couches that sat in the middle of the room. Everyone was ready to board the dropship to head over to the arena. Here is what was going around, Gibby and Ajay were laughing together,Octavio was..unenergetic for once, Tae was in the corner, Loba was fixing her nails while Rev watched her on the wall, Alexander was playing around with his gas, and lastly Ramya was chewing gum while playing on her phone. It was always bustling in the living space because its where everyone socialized other than the bar. A small yet loud alarm was sounded to let all the legends know it was time to board the dropship.

“Woo-hoo! It’s finally time to go,” Octavio said unenthusiastically. Everyone walked in one-by-one or in pairs. They all strapped up in their skydiving equipment and was prepared for the long drop ahead of them. Renee stood next to Elliot’s room in the ship while the others either went to their rooms or sat in the middle. (Reference back to the season 3 trailer for room placement) Renee was flippping her kunai peacefully while Elliot rambled about something in his room. She enjoyed listening to him talk about nonsense while the quiet humming of the ship was surrounding them. It was peaceful, atleast to her. It blocked out most of the voices and when she was around Elliot they seemed to shut up and occasionally tease her. The drop ship shook a bit and Elliot tripped a little but caught himself. Renee didnt mind turbulence since she didnt really care about anything really, she tenses up a bit sometimes but thats about it. Her scarf end swayed as the ship lowered slowly. Suddenly the screens flashed on and displayed everyone’s banners. Everyone gets a chance to customize and submit their banners to headquarters. The teams were as listed,

Lifeline, Crypto, and Gibraltar

Octane, Caustic, and Bloodhound

Mirage, Wraith, and Loba

Revenant, Pathfinder, Bangalore

Rampart

Everyone stood on their respective platforms also known as where the screens flashed their names. The champions were shown not even a minute later, Wraith’s team was shown and she said a voiceline to taunt her enemies of the day. The metal shifted under their feet and lowered slowly, revealing the bright, cold arena. Everyone at this point was used to the cold though, they were glad it was world’s edge because kings canyon during those months was scorching. Comms were switched on and everyone tested out the mics. Everything was set up and ready to go so teams started dropping towards their locations. Wraith was jumpmaster and pinged on the map, Fragment West. Everyone knew both of Fragment was dangerous and it was hotdrop that game too. You can bet that there were multiple death boxes surrounding the small yet large area. Wraith was already kill leader with 7 kills from the popular spot. Bullets were heard in the distance and Wraith portaled to gain some speed while Loba teleported and Mirage had to run. He wasn’t a running person for long distances so he just took wraith’s portal.

“W- Wait up you two! I dont have a movement ability!!” He cried out to the two girls. The two looked at eachother and giggled while looking back at the energy drained man. “Danger move” Wraith looked around and pinged an enemy and phased away out of danger. Again, Loba teleported away and Mirage was left alone to run away. They hit him good but he managed to get behind cover. Wraith lended him some shield cells and syringes and shot at the other team with her sentinel. The other team was Octane’s team and they were stacked; Octane had gold armour while his teammates had red evo. Octane also had a peacekeeper that he got from a carepackage just next to them. It was a long fight, from gas being thrown on them to the ring closing in on the two teams. They had been fighting for so long they didnt even realize that there were only 3 teams in total left. Wraith’s team, Octane’s team, and lastly Pathfinder. I would say Pathfinder’s team but his teammates died and the banner timers ran out, he was left solo.

“Everyone try to watch your backs, the robot could try to ambush one of us,” Loba turned to face her teammates, occassionally looked up and around for the tall simulacrum. “Spotted him, up there. He has a longbow and what seems to be a flatline on his back. I could snipe him down if that’s what you want,” Wraith calmly called out, pulling out her sentinel and charging it. “Go ahead beautiful,” Loba replied. In an instant, a loud, charged sentinel bullet was shot and killed the robot up on the hill, instantly eliminating him. Now, it was just Octane and Wraith’s teams left to fight. “Nice kill Re- I mean,” He cleared his throat, “Nice kill Wraith..” Wraith smiled and thanked him silently while eyeing down the other team. Seconds went by and both teams rushed eachother. Bullets whizzed by eachothers heads and occasionally hit their shoulders or legs. Octane’s team was low on meds while the other team was low on ammo. Another minute of fighting passes and Wraith’s team is deemed the champion. When they were back in the drop ship everyone congratulated them for winning even though they were in a tight spot. There was an after match party happening in an hour so everyone went back to their rooms to clean up after a long day and get dressed. Renee was first to her room to take a shower while the others stayed in the kitchen or hallways sparking conversations with eachother. While Renee took her cold shower, Elliot decided it was be such a good idea to just waltz into her room to ask her a question not knowing that she was relaxing without voices for once.

“Hey Renee! I was just wondering if you wanted to match for the uh..,” He paused, looking around, “Renee? Where are you??” He looked around the empty yet messy room. Clothes thrown everywhere and notebooks and hairties were strewn about. Her messy bed showing how much she slept that night, which it wasn’t much. He began to worry about her well-being and if she even actually took care of herself. He heard the loud shower running so he went and knocked on the bathroom door. But before he actually knocked, he thought about the things that could happen if he knocked on her bathroom door when she didnt even know that he was in her room. He’d be killed. Before he knew what was coming he accidentally knocked on the door infront of him like a reflex. He heard the girl inside gasp loudly with a few things dropping. He startled her, which was a first for him. He was in shock and did not want to move. “She’s like a T-Rex, if I dont move she cannot see me-“ He was cut off when the door swung open and a semi-dryed off Renee was standing in-front of him. She had her body wrapped with a towel and her still damp hair dripped along the floor and her scarred shoulders.

“How are you in here and what do you want,” She said firmly with an annoyed face. “One, your door was open, two, I wanted to ask if you wanted to match outfits for the after match thing..,” He sighed looking away, “Nevermind, it was a dumb question of course you dont.” He turned and apologized but before he could leave the room Renee stopped him. “Who said I didn’t want to? I wouldn’t mind matching with you,” She stepped over to her closet and sifted through the dresses section, “What color or style were you thinking of?” Elliot was astonished that she actually agreed to do anything with him. “I was thinking accents of purple..? I think it would look nice on both of us,” He sat down on a nearby chair in her room, looking away from her slender body. “Fine with me, now turn around,” She made sure he had his eyes closed and was turned around in order to change. She dropped the towel and peered back just in case. “You want him to see you” “Tell him to turn around” “Let him touch you” The voices were surrounding her but she managed to ignore them. When she finished getting dressed she had Elliot turn around.

“Wow..,” Elliot had no words for the sight in front of him. She wore a long black dress that had a slit on the side with a fluffy, purple boa draped over her shoulders and she was wearing heels making her as tall as him. She played with her hair a bit out of embarrassment while looking away. “You look..amazing,” Elliot was admiring her features that he acted like he’d never seen before, “I just- have no words.” “I dont look that good relax,” Renee walked over to her dresser and put on a necklace that had a purple gem in the middle. “Are you going to just stand there and not go to your room and get dressed?” Renee peered over at him from the mirror. “Right..right yeah, Ill be back to ‘pick you up’,” He opened the door and quietly shut it behind him. She sighed and thought out loud, “What am I going to do about him?” She put her hair in a half bun-half hair down sort of style and finished her look with mascara and a slight tint to her lips. She slipped on short black gloves and grabbed a clutch that had small purple accents on it. “He will like it” “For once you look nice” “People are going to judge you” “Nobody will approach you” “People are going to hate you” The voices started off nice but went downhill and piled hate after hate onto her. She pushed them away and mumbled to herself that tonight will be a good night. Light knocking was heard and she went to open the door, her heels clicking with every step.

“Ready to gooooo-“ He looked her up and down and smiled, “You’re beautiful” He tucked a stray strand from her hair behind her ear, “Let’s be on our way before the limosu- limosio- limo gets here.” He held out a hand and she gladly took it. They held hands for most of the way until Renee let go to check her clutch for something. She pulled it out and checked it before slipping it back in. It was her Apex ID, aka the only way to get into Apex events. You can be one of the legends but they wouldnt let you in without it since people knew how to look almost identical to them. She didn’t regrab his hand after that, she wanted to make sure no one saw. When they got to the front of the building everyone was in their formal attire. Octavio was wearing a green suit top with tailored shorts to go along with it and Natalie wore a white party dress that had orange and blue accents, Anita was in a classic suit talking to Loba who was in a short gold dress, Crypto was in a white suit with green accents, Rampart was in a blouse and office pants, Gibby was in a suit while Ajay wore a long blue dress, Bloodhound wore their goggles along with a suit that had a red cloth in its pocket, and Alexander wore a plain black suit. Revenant doesn’t dress up he said. Pathfinder simply went as himself for the night. After a couple minutes of waiting the limo drove up to the curb of the building. Everyone piled in close together and began conversations with eachother. Elliot and Renee sat really close together due to the limo being quite small for a bunch of legends. Some minutes pass and Renee’s eyes are starting to close. She finally let the sleepiness take over her and her head softly fell onto Elliot’s shoulder. He looked over at her and smiled. Most of the legends eyed them and mouthed for him not to move one bit or she would murder him.

“Elliot..,” Renee mumbled in her sleep, “I..love you..” The small sentence was only heard by the man allowing her to sleep. He tensed up but relaxed as her arm draped over his. The limo pulled up to the event center and a red carpet was dramatically rolled out for the legends. One-by-one everyone was walking down the red carpet either together or solo. Im guessing you can guess which ones walked solo. Elliot nudged Renee and she slowly opened her eyes. She yawned quietly and her eyes met his. They looked at eachother and then she backed away, standing up. She turned away and quickly walked out of the limo and Elliot followed shortly after. Elliot caught up and walked beside her while she covered her eyes from the flashing of the cameras. He enjoyed all the attention on him but Renee never did. He realized what was happening and walked directly infront of her, taking the spotlight. The taller put his hand behind his back and Renee allowed herself to grab and squeeze it lightly. He led her somewhere private and sat her down on a wall away from everyone else.

“You okay? I know you dont like the atten- attentin- eyes on you,” he knelt down, matching his eye level with hers. “I’m fine, you dont have to worry about me so much you know,” She sighed and leaned back slightly, “Let’s just get back to the others before they think were fucking or something.” Elliot offered a hand but she declined, pushing herself up from the wall. She swayed her hips with every step she took towards the doors. Her dress flowed down neatly from her waist down to the carpeted floor. He watched her walk away as the boa she wore bounced with her strides. “W- wait up Renee!” He yelled, fast-walking towards her but she was already through the doors. When he made it through, it was bustling with legends from other ports and random game organizers. There was loud music playing from speakers up above and most of the legends were by the bar including Anita and Loba. Others were either on couches or talking near walls with each other. There were people dancing in the middle of the room where flashing lights and more sparkled along the area. His eye caught the bright purple boa from across the room.

“Hey Ren, glad I finally found you,” He sat next to the now relaxed woman, “Let me guess, appletini?” She gave a side-glance towards him while she sipped the drink he guessed. It was her usual at the Paradise Bar so it wasn’t weird. Minutes went by and the found themselves laughing at eachother from stupid jokes and random stories. A slow-dancing song played on the speakers and everyone got with a partner.

“Wanna go dance with me Ren?” Elliot grabbed her hand, pointing to where everyone was partnered together. “I can’t really dance Elliot, I dont know if I could do it,” Renee responded back to him, covering her face with her boa. “Oh, come on you can’t be that bad at dancing. It’s not that hard, come on I’ll teach you,” He grabbed her hand and pulled her off the seat to take her over to everyone else. He brought her to the dance floor and held her close, guiding her hands to where they were supposed to be. He placed her hands on her lower waist and swayed side-to-side with her. “See? I told you it wasnt that ha-“ He winced as she stepped on his foot, “It’s fine, I forgive you since you’re a beginner.” She apologized anyways and held him closer. As the song came to an end everyone seperated except for them.

“This is nice,” Renee pulled away from his arms, “Want to go somewhere more..quiet?” Elliot’s face contorted to a confused yet happy expression. “I know just the place Ren!” He grabbed her hand and practically sprinted out the doors with her, bringing her to a cliff just off the side of the road. He sat down far away from the edge and patted the spot next to him, signalling for her to walk over and sit next to him. The sun was setting and it was the most beautiful thing that Renee had ever seen. “Oh wow Elliot..I never knew about this spot,” She couldn’t stop gazing at the orange and red hues surrounding the hot ball of gas. “My mom would take me here sometimes, from the sunset, the sunrise, and the stars oh my god the stars. She’d make them so amazing but one day she got so sick and she couldn’t take me anymore. So everytime we get to come here I come out here, to escape the whole legend thing and relax by myself. But now, I see two pretty things infront of me..the sunset and well, you,” He gently grabbed her hand and her reddish face was hard to see in the dark. She turned her head towards him and he smiled softly. “This reminds me of something I saw today, a post with a drawing of us. There’s just one thing missing to complete the scene I believe,” Renee saw him thinking and it looked like a lightbulb just turned on in his head. He leaned in and so did she. They closed their eyes and-

kissed

The scene matched the vibe of the social media post that Renee had randomly come across. It was a strange feeling to Renee, for she had never felt this way towards anyone before. Atleast, not a time that she could remember. Elliot had a goofy smile plastered on his face afterwards. She grinned and leaned on his shoulder as they gazed at the stars that started to peek from the horizon. “Alright yuh lovebirds, get yuh asses inside before we leave without yuh guys,” Ajay leaned against the door, watching them. “Oh, alright. We’ll be right there Ajay,” Renee looked over her shoulder to the other girl and smiled softly. Ajay nodded and closed the door behind her. Elliot was the first to get up and then offered a hand for Renee to grab. She gladly took it and he hoisted her up to her feet. She brushed off any dirt that may have gotten onto her dress. As they went back inside, no one really looked at them apart from quick glances. Anita signalled to them over at the entrance that they were leaving the event. They held hands as they rushed over to the group, not wanting to let go of eachother. Anita counted them and led everyone back to the limosuine so they could pile in the same way they did when they arrived.

(Back at the Apex Dormrooms)(Specifically Elliots Room)

The two were sitting on top of the bed in Elliot’s room, talking. Everyone had just got back to the dorms and they had rushed out so they could get some privacy. “So..what are we now?” Renee turned towards Elliot, who was fidgeting with his hands. He looked up and shifted into a more comfortable position to look at the girl next to him. He looked back infront of him and flopped back onto his bed, staring at the ceiling. “Whatever you want us to be, Ren,” His eyes glanced at her features from the angle he was in.

“I want to be...more than friends-“

“Best friends?”

“No-“

“Best best friends..?”

“Elliot-“

“What?”

“I want to be together, as in I want us to date and do things that couples do,” her head turned towards him. “A-are you sure?? I-I-I mean I dont think Im that bad at being a boyfriend but are you really sure you want to be in a rela- rele- be with me???” He stammered, not knowing what to say. “Yes,” was all she had to say when Elliot pulled her in close to lay down next to him. He kissed her cheeks and her forehead multiple times before stopping to stare at her beauty. She giggled and smiled then held him down into a cuddle position on the bed. “This is what I’ve always wanted, despite me acting like I never did,” She admitted, tracing circles on the others chest. “Did you want to sleep here for the night? Or..we’re you going to go back to your room?” Elliot asked, but got no response from the other. Renee was fast asleep in his arms, snoring softly. Elliot smiled a loving smile and kissed her forehead lightly then fell asleep quick with the warmth she amitted.

E X T R A

Octane walked into Elliot’s room, knowing it was unlocked and because he was his best friend. He had his phone in hand, ready to ask a question about the future match. His eyes darted towards the bed after noticing that the lights were off. There, he saw his best friend with the stone cold girl, who never really showed emotion. He gasped quietly and opened the camera app on his phone. He snapped a picture but before he knew it, the flash went off and lit up the entire area of the man’s bed. Renee groaned and covered herself more with the blanket that was draped over her and Elliot. He quickly stepped out of the room where the couple rested and snickered at the photo he caught. His first thought was to post it, his second? To post it and then print it and frame it. He didnt want to seem like a bitch so he decided to post it with the caption, “Found the lovebirds mating LOL” Within a matter of seconds, the post flooded with likes and shares. Which meant that all if not most of the legends would see it. You bet that Elliot and Renee we’re furious when they both came across it the next day..

THE END

word count: 5,445

Hope you guys enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it :] <3

Quotes will resume Monday,, 2:00pm CT

[kessielrg]

[Dragon Age] Oreos

Summary: In which Varric teaches his kid the proper way to dunk an Oreo. Hawke is there to be an as-…sistant. [oneshot][female humorous Hawke][modern AU]

Rating: K+

Word Count: 1,971 words

If you liked this story, please reblog!

---

“Now where did I put them?” Varric mumbled to himself as he looked through the pantry. He cursed to himself when he tried to reach a bit higher up. Curse the Maker for making him vertically challenged. Had to use a stool in his own home and still couldn’t reach the top shelf. Go figure.

“Got it!” the dwarf exclaimed as his hand got a firm hold of the plastic packaging. After a very careful extraction, Varric held the Oreo package close as he then moved the stool to its rightful corner. He placed the Oreos on a serving tray he had arranged on the kitchen counter. Humming some Kidz Bop song he heard earlier, he then went into the fridge to pull out the milk.

As he poured the milk into three glasses, Varric kept an ear out for the living room. The sounds of a young voice were easy to make out, but was she talking to someone else or just herself again? As he put the milk back in the fridge, Varric really wished that Hawke kept her medicine in the kitchen instead of the bathroom. The last time he checked, her prescription needed to be filled again, and Hawke had yet to do so. It worried him. It worried him a lot more than he was willing to admit.

Varric let out a sigh before taking the tray and heading into the living room. Varric had his own kid to tend to, and it wasn’t Hawke. Still didn’t stop him from letting out a sigh of relief in seeing both Hawke and Hana sitting at the living room coffee table. He wouldn’t have to force her out of bed today. Good. Not that the promise of deliciously nasty cookies was anything to ignore. Hawke was a sucker for sweets whether she was aware of it or not.

Hana seemed rather chipper though. Actively serving as the only genuine energy in the room, Varric’s daughter had her straw yellow hair pulled into two low pigtails today. She was gladly going on about some topic that Hawke couldn’t feign actual interest in. Was she going on about how pretty Selena Gomez was again, or that game that her birth giver introduced her to a few weeks back? Oh well, it didn’t matter now. Now that Varric had gotten everything ready, it was time for the main event.

“We have gathered here today for a very momentous occasion.” Varric announced, striding over to the girls and effectively earning their attention. “Today is the day that we teach 7 year old Hana Tethras how to properly dunk, and eat, Oreos.”

Hana put on a wide smile. Hawke even gave a rather generous round of applause. She even peppered it with a few “That’s our girl!” and “She’s getting so big!” cheers for extra effect. It only helped the younger girl beam with pride. Even Varric gave a light smirk of appreciation.

“Now teenybopper,” he said as he took a place across from the girls, placing the tray right in the middle of the coffee table. “How do you feel? You nervous? Already got a preemptive tummy ache from all the sugar your old man is going to let you consume?”

“Nope!” Hana told him with a firm shake of her head. She then slammed her hands down with determination before saying, “Bring it, Papa!”

“Rein it back kid,” Varric laughed, “Don’t want to get the milk all over the coffee table, do we?”

“Sorry.” Hana sheepishly apologized. She carefully took her milk glass from her father and placed it to her left. She even gave it a good, hard stare, as if she was pressuring it into not falling over later. Varric snorted before handing Hawke her glass as well, then went about divvying up the cookies.

“Ah, Oreos,” Hawke thinly mused as Varric gave her share. “The only cure for my depression.”

He tried to hold it back, Varric scoffed. “They are not. That’s what your medication is for.”

“Well, you don’t have to act so sure about it,” Hawke frowned. “Give me my delusions and plausible deniability, Varric. It’s all I got in this world.”

“You have me Hawke!” Hana quickly chirped. “And Papa too!”

Hawke gave Hana a rather tired look, not quite intended for the child to see. The woman absently placed a hand on Hana’s head. She then gently stroked the top of Hana’s head as if it were a calming mechanism. Maybe it was; something about little Hana did give off a rather comforting aura. But Hawke would be damned if she knew just what it was.

“I do.” Hawke carefully agreed- although the sentence came out more as a question. Seeing Hana’s bright smile only made Hawke a bit more dazed. Varric looked on with a rather concerned expression on his face. He gently coughed into his hand, leading the ladies’ attention back to him.

“Now, for your first proper lesson, I’ve decided to go the easy route. I’m not training my young’in with the normal Oreos- that would be an exercise and a half not to break them. No, we’re going to use double stuffed Oreos. The best kind.”

“Naw, what about the triple stuffed Oreos, Varric?” Hawke whined. “Why can’t we use them instead?”

“Too much stuff.” came the rather firm answer. “I am a man of correcting my previous mistakes, and I’m not taking that road again.”

Hawke gave a badly exaggerated groan before telling him, “Having a kid really ruined your sense of fun.”

“No,” the man asserted. “Having a kid gave me a greater sense of avoiding 3 AM puke fests because someone decided to eat too much cookie cream.”

“It was one time!” Hawke argued, despite the rather amused look she had- Hana was stifling a cute little laughter beside her. “Everyone was black-out drunk anyway, and it was the perfect prank.”

“I don’t think Sebastian would say the same.”

“Since when were you ever one for accurate reaccountments, hmm?”

“You know he’s a dunker, Hawke. It gives him a sense of purpose.”

“Was he? Always seemed more like a licker.”

“Anyway…!” Varric then loudly proclaimed. “We’re getting off topic.”

Hawke and Hana exchanged a look before erupting into a set of bemused giggles. Varric rolled his eyes. Surround yourself with girls, they said. It would be a joy, they said. At least one of them was directly related to him- he wasn’t sure why he kept the other around.

“Now that I have your attention again,” Varric told them, “Let us first begin by picking up the Oreo itself…”

. . .

In a way, this whole thing was just so Varric could easily say seven year olds had the fine motor movement to carefully manipulate something as delicate as Oreo cookies. Always write what you know, yeah? It was a bit hard to believe that his own spawn actually stuck her tongue out when she was concentrating. She definitely didn’t get that from his side of the family. If anything, it was something he could see Hawke doing…

“I finally got it!” Hana suddenly exclaimed. Varric and Hawke both looked at her at the same time. The girl was proudly showing her two Oreo halves. One side had just the cream, the other was completely clean.

“Great job, teenybopper!” Varric approved. “Hawke, lean over and muss her hair for me. I can’t reach.”

Hawke nodded, but didn’t mess up Hana’s hair. Instead, she gave her a small elbow nudge and said, “Great job, teeny. Now we can audition you for all those Oreo commercials. You’d be a shoo-in.”

Hana’s smile grew even wider at the approval. Oh, to be young and easily proud of your (usually useless) accomplishments.

“Remember to only use your teeth to scrape the cream off if your tongue can’t find a good pocket beforehand.” Varric reminded his kid. Hana gave him a firm nod before returning to the cookie. He gave her a smile as he returned to his own lot as well.

Hawke had also returned to her Oreo dunking. After two cookies, she no longer felt like licking the cream off before dunking, so she just let the Oreo soak for a few moments. It was almost a routine that she zoned out for. Dip the Oreo, wait a bit, then eat it. Nothing to think about. It was a legitimate surprise when half the Oreo fell into the milk as she tried to pull it out. She blinked a few times before looking up at Varric.

“Varrrric,” Hawke whined, “Cookies got lost in milk!”

“That’s because you tried to dunk too much of the Oreo in the milk.” he replied without so much looking at her. “Then you pinched it as you pulled it up, and all your mushy cookie got lost.”

“But I didn’t pinch it!” she went on. A small edge in her voice made Varric look up. For a moment, he wondered if she was legitimately upset about it. “I only had half of it in the milk- you saw it! Tell ‘im, Hana.”

“You’re so funny, Hawke!” Hana laughed. The poor girl obviously not seeing that Hawke wasn’t quite being dramatic on purpose this time. Not that Varric could blame her- he’d bottle that innocence up and repackage it back into Hawke herself if he could.

“A real barrel of monkeys.” Varric mused. He gave a small click of his tongue before asking, “Hawke, did you take your meds today?”

Hawke proceeded to look at him like he was crazy. The dwarf was unrelenting, though. He had full plans of staring her down until Hana interrupted all of their thoughts with a musing;

“What do they make Oreo filling with anyway?”

A silence followed after this. Mostly because Varric didn’t want to stop nonverbally bullying Hawke into confessing she wasn’t taking care of herself again. He had to relent, letting out a defeated sigh before telling Hana, “Dunno, teenybopper. We can look it up later if you want.”

Hana gave a thoughtful hum and a little nod of her head, her attention too focused on staring at the Oreos now. Varric shook his head at her, before trying turning his attention back to Hawke. But Hawke had left the coffee table. She had slunk her way onto the couch, and was now actively trying to find the TV remote. That meant in a few minutes, Hawke would find something on TV that interested Hana, and the Oreo eating portion of their day officially over.

And Varric would be the one cleaning up the mess, because of course he would.

Varric let out a sigh before starting to get up. He made a trip to the kitchen to get a note off the fridge, then went back into the living room and straight to Hawke.

“The pharmacy closes in six hours,” he told her as he handed the note over, “Call them, or I’ll sit on you.”

Hawke looked at him, not sure whether to be amused or angered.

“Having a kid really ruined your sense of privacy.” she said, almost in a grumble

“No,” he told her. “Having a kid gave me a greater sense of caring for others. I’m not asking you twice, Hawke. Call them.”

The corners of Hawke’s mouth twitched as if she wanted to tell him off. He never gave her the chance. Instead, he sat back over with Hana, and quite purposely started to make conversation with her. The girl was rather ignorant of the friction between the two friends. In a way, Varric was grateful for it. She’d know and understand it better when she was older. But for now ignorance was bliss.

He just prayed that every force used to beat Hawke down never reached his own kid.

[arthurflecksgirl]

Hiiii it's me again😂❤️ Can I have a ff where Artie Is at Arkham and it's his last day in. and x Reader comes to pick him up from the hospital🥺 and they go home together, and as always if you want to add some cuddles or She helps Artie to take a warm bath🥺 It would be nice

Oh my dear friend, thank you so much for the request. It was a very emotional ride and very intimate to write. I hope with all my heart that you will like it. Love you so much!

💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

The moment the door opened you felt your heart crumble. That heavy, white door with the tiney window. He must have stared at this window for so many nights.

The bed was empty. For a second you feared that he broke out of the hospital. If that was the case they would find him and lock him up again. Way longer than last time. The thought of being seperated from him for another few weeks or months seemed unbearable. Looking back at the last weeks without him made you wonder how you managed to stay sane yourself. The empty bed, the stillness of his  empty apartment...it felt like the walls were closing in on you. Night for night was spent on his couch, alone, trying to remember his skin on yours, pressing his pillow close to your face to smell the remains of his sweat and shampoo that got caught up in the soft fabric.

He was missing from you like a part of your very own body. And now you`re gonna get your missing part back. Taking it home with you. Filling his apartment with love again.

Your eyes searched for him. That room. Standig between these four walls made you feel snowblind. All the white. Even Arthur was dressed in white.  The only contrast was his dark hair .

Arthur was sitting in the corner of the room. Crumbled up on the floor, like a piece of paper. Like a love letter that wasn`t well written enough to send it, so the writer just formed it into a ball and threw it across the room.

But you wanted to read it. Every sentence. Every letter. You wanted to take that page and uncrumble it. Make it readable again, to realize how beautifully written it actually was. Poetry. The purest form there ever was.

Arthur was the poem who remained unnoticed. Unseen by so many. Even by the ones who wrote him.

The doctor kept looking at you, talked about last night and how Arthur kept whimpering your name. But all you could do was focusing on that one curls that fell to Arthurs forehead. His head was hanging heavy on his shoulders. He looked downwards.

"Artie, darling? I`m here. " you got up to him to knee on the ground.

Arthur finally lifted his head. The circles under his eyes darkened  since you saw him two days ago. He looked exhausted as you gently stroke his hair. A tired smile crossed his sad eyed face. His curls felt greasy like he didnt washed it for at least a week.

"You look tired, darling"

Arthur tried to get up but he seemed so much weaker than he was when he got here.

"Im so tired, Y/N. I`m so very tired." He sat down on the floor again "You`re really here aren`t you?"

"I am.  Its your last day. I will take you home with me now".

Arhur started to cry "Can you please hug me. I need to feel that this is real. I want to hug you but....I can`t"

It was now that you realized that he was still in his handcuffs.

You wrapped your arms around him so tight you felt his ribcage poking you. Silent tears fell from his eyes onto your shoulders.  "I missed you so much, Arthur. I was so incompleate without your breath on my neck at night. "

He nodded, unable to answer. He just cried.

"Cry, sweetheart.its okay let it all out. It`s over now. You can go home with me. No more lonely night in this cold room. We`re gonna go home now and I`m gonna make you a nice, hot bath before we disappear under the sheets.

The doctor looked at you with disguise "A hot bath sounds like a plan. Mr Fleck refused to take a shower for 9 days straight. "

You didnt liked the tone in her voice.

"Why is he still wearing his handcuffs anyway?" you asked.

"Because you can never know with him." The doctor replied, giving him a dirty look.

You wanted to tell her how damn rude she was but you kept silent to not risk anything.

"And he refused to eat,too. We actually thought he wated to starve himself to death in here. Which is illegal."

The anger inside of you grew with every word she said, but you concentrated on Arthur and supported him to get up. "C`mon, darling. We`re gonna leave this place now."

Arthur once again fell into your arms, desperately trying to touch you with his cuffed hands. You held his fingers  inside your fist "You`ll feel better soon, I promise."

The doctor took a step closer and got the keys to unlock the handcuffs. "Goodbye, Mr. Fleck. " her voice sounded cold and heartless. You noticed her taking a step back as Arthur looked up to starte into her eyes. Almost like she was afraid of him. How could anyone be afraid of him?

Arthur didnt answer. The second his hands were free he hugged you with his whole body. So tight it felt like you shared the same jumpsuit. He held your face between his hands. They were as gentle as always. The most gently hands in the world. He seemed different. But still the same. His fingertips stroke your face, your cheekbones and nose, your chin. "I missed touching you, Y/N. Oh, I need to touch you so bad. "  The intensivity of his eyes never left, even when he looked as tired as  he did now. He was so touch starved. Just as you.

"Not in here, Mr Fleck. You know the rules." The doctors voice really got on your nerves. Did she had any idea how hard it was not being able to share your love ? Did she even knew how it felt to be in love? To be forced to leave your other half behind? At a mental hospital?

You both ignored her, touching each others faces "I missed the taste of you" he breathed upon your mouth, right before your lips met. Arthur kissed you with all that was within him. His mouth was dry from all the medication. His lips cracked.  But his kiss was full of love and admiration for you. Full of longing and pain.

Your fingers ran through his messy hair. It was getting even longer than usual. Almost reaching his shoulders.

"Please!" The doctor started to sound angry. "This is not allowed! You`ve got enough time in your hands when you`re out of this building".

Your lips parted again.

"Thats right Dr. Finn. Goodbye." you grabbed Arthurs hand and lead him out of the room.

Before you left Arkham Arthur was lead into the changing room, where he got rid of his white clothing. He looked so much more like himself when he got back. His brown cardigan made him look softer than ever before. He touched the soft, worn out fabric of it, convincing himself that this was all real. Grounding.

It felt good to leave this bulding which became his second home after so many years of being in and out. A home that felt more like a prison since there was someone waiting for him outside these walls.

The whole way home  on the tram Arthur rested his head on your shoulder, closing his eyes. He needed sleep.

"I havent slept for days" he whispered while you sqeezed his hand. "I couldnt close an eye without you by my side. Even the sleeping pills couldnt help."

"We`re gonna make you rest as soon as we get home, Artie."

Artur almost drifted off into sleep on the ride home. Leaning on your shoulder was enough to make him feel save enough to get sleepy.

When you arrived home you took off his sweater and pants "You`re freezing, baby."

"I know."

"Do you still want to take a bath before going to bed?"

"Yeah...please! I feel kinda... dirty".

You kissed his forehead and handed him a bathrobe "Put this on while the water is still running. It will keep you warm. I will make you some soup, okay? You gotta eat something,too."

Arthur nodded "Okay. But...I`m afaraid my stomach cant hold it. They gave me some new meds and it was getting worse again. "He looked ahamed as you walked into the kitchen to boil some water. "Dont worry, Artie. We`ll go slowly. But we have to try. I wont let you go to bed with an empty stomach today. It must have been days since you had eaten something. "

Arthur followed you into the kitchen. He needed to be near you every second. He looked so lost in his bathrobe. So helpless.

"Alright, the soup will be  done when you finished bathing. " you smiled. Arthur mirrored your smile and followed you  back into the bathroom. He stil walked like he had his handcuffs on, which was a sad thing to wittness.

Arthur froze when you helped him out of his bathrobe and into the bathtub. He was even skinnier than usual. His body looked like he was close to a break down. His shoulderbone seemed like it was about to burst through his fragile skin. He`s got some small bruises on his wrists and his tummy was sucked in.

The warm water felt like an embrace as he let himself sink into it. He immediately closed his eyes and awaited your touch.

"I`m so gald to be home" he mumbled as you started to shampoo his sweaty hair. Washing his beautiful curls always felt very intimate to you. You had a thing for his hair. Every strain of it was holy to you. Every curl a poem.

You noticed a small wound on his forehead as you tried not to let the shampoo run into his eyes. "You`re hurt"

"I know. It was my fault. I did it to myself. I`m sorry if I disappoint you"

"Artie, you could never disappoint me. Do you hear me?"

He nodded.

"I love you more than anything, Arthur"

"My whole life I never loved anything else" he replied.

You stopped washing his hair for a second to lean in to kiss him. The warm water dripped down his forehead. You tasted his shampoo upon your lips.

He was home with you.

Life was sweet.

You took the sponge and washed away the pain and loneliness. Every bad memory, every sleepless night at Arkham. You washed it all way. Watching the pain dissappear in his eyes.

Arthurs musicles started to relax under your  tender touch. Even his tense tummy.

He was thankful for all the attention, the love. A smile crossed his face after he got out of the bathtub. You hugged him while he was still naked.

"You feel better now, sweetheart?"

" A lot, Y/N. Thank you. I`m trying to eat some soup now. Just for you!"

"Thats great, Artie. lets do it" you handed him oneof his sweaters. "Um....can I have....would you let me wear one of yours? " he asked with his little voice.

"Of course, Arthur. Oh god, sure. Wait I will get you one!"

A minute later you came back with your fave sweater. Arthur slipped into it like it was his.

"Thank you so much. Its so comortig to wear your clothes".

"Anytime, baby" you got the bowl of soup.

Arthur sat down on the couch. He didnt even asked for a cigarette.

You noticed his eyes watering.

"Whats wrong, Artie?"

"I`m afraid I might throw up. I`ll be so embarassing."

You took the spoon and put it to his lips "There is no reason to be ashamed. The important thing is to try. If you have to throw up its okay. "

"I threw up at Arkham and they yelled at me"

"I´m not gonna yell at you."

"I know....I know that." he whispered.

Arthur swallowed after you fed him the first spoon.

"Is that okay?"

"Yeah."

"Another?"

"Yeah"

You fed him three spoons of soup until he was close to spit it out again.

"Its okay, baby. Take your time. We`ve got all the time in the world to make you eat."

"Thank you so much, Y/N. I dont know what I would do without you."

Arthur waited five minutes until he was ready for another four spoons.

"I´m proud of you, Arthur. Really. You`re doing great.

"Thank you Y/N. For helping me with that. I think thats all I can eat for today. But maybe....tomorrow. Or later when I wake up. Maybe you can leave the bowl of soup next to my bed"

"Sure, darling." You kissed the corner of his mouth and placed the bowl on the table.

"Try to get some sleep now. I`ll be right here with you".

Arthur layed down on the couch as you joined him.

His huge blanket covered both of your bodies.

"Finally" he muttered, pulling you close to his heart, burying his face in the crook of your neck, kissing it gently as he breathed you in.

The familiar smell of his own sheets helped him relax.

"Y/N?"

"Yes Arthur?"

"Would you....like...sing me to sleep or something?"

"Of course,my love"

Arthur closed his tired eyes as your voice quietly echoed through apartment 8J.

"The moon is a silver dollar shining up in the sky

There is a dream we can buy.

Sweetheart you and I

The moon is a silver dollar

Made for lovers to share

And with you in my arms

I`m a millionaire

Our care in troubles

Will all be small change

Someday they all change

Into a dream come true

The moon is a silver dollar

What a glorious sight

Lets invest at him love

Tonight"

---

@impulsiveclown @ben-solos-writing-avenger @jokerownsmysoul @missjoker96 @arthurskitten @lynnesm @nonnymousse @gwynplaine89 @damnrightobsessedwithim @sgtsavoytruffle  @duhliriouss @sadjesterautumn @therealjokerking10 @flowerglitterwoman @thirstforfleck @spookyhome @iartsometimes  @you-cant-cry-in-here @bustafatclownnut @jokerismyhubbie @jokerflecker  @check-out-this-joker @darknessisafriend  @nicoleverse @mdme-rosary @arthurhappyclown    @neon-umbrella-for-stella   @cherrymoon75 @call-me-harley-quinn  @arthurjokersgirl

@aarthurfleckk @mylovelycrazyworld @clownalog @ajokerfangirl  @the-one-who-is-chaos

[knifehecker]

im so tired and angry and i couldnt even pick up my meds today either because every time i tried to get an uber there were no drivers who felt like taking me on a trip that’s apparently too fucking short a distance to be worth any money but its still too far to walk and then i got woken up for literally no reason after finally being able to sleep when ive been in pain all day just in time to hear my family eat dinner so now i get to order something for myself that i’ll have to eat outside in the cold because everyone is inside and i can’t eat around them or take it into my room and i cant even smoke to bolster my appetite because weed is the devil and im a useless druggie if theres even the slightest evidence left over so now i get to be tired angry and nauseous in the cold and dark i love my life it’s full of joy and bliss and understanding <3

[delicioustrashlove]

To me : a honest open letter to my self. deep breath and open up and express 

What do you know . You went back there again and all though you held on super tight you couldn’t keep him could you? Of course not. You’ve lost your self every-time chasing him and you’ve never been able to catch him.

I thought I wouldn’t survive this one. I thought honestly I was not going to make something of my self . I whole heartedly was ready to give up . What ever happened happened and I could care less it’ll never be as bad as losing you. And I truthfully connived my self that my happiness only lied in your arms.

It took me so long to cry . Once I got back Colorado the reality of my new home, it was such a blur . For a while I pretended you died. To some how help my heart forget you. And thats all I wanted was to forget you. I deleted every picture and every single video .I blocked you on everything I could think of that youd have access to talking to me through . And for what . Just to black out once a week and tell you how much  I miss you and that I love you . I drank my self silly . I mean every event every party every outing I had to be there I had to be anywhere but in reality . Because reality meant no you. It meant what once was and will never be again,, reality meant excepting my feelings. And I wanted so badly to be tough and strong. I’ve gotten my heart shattered a million times by you , you’d think I would get easier . It didnt it was worse . I was so fully invested in you that life didnt exist with out you in it . I didnt know what that felt like anymore . I was so wrapped up In you so blind to reality . Loving you meant losing my self . I lost my self 4 times a year for 5 years trying to keep your heart. I broke my own heart letting you back in to my life so many times . I knew better . But the love I had for you was so much stronger . I couldn’t stay away . I also revolved my entire world around you , so when you where gone I felt so literally like the world was ending . I lost my whole life . I realize now thats not healthy . You have to always prioritize your health and well being before anyone . You have to love you before you love anyone. So wed break up id self destruct then Id put all my pieces back together the ones you broke. Id fix my self and I would get back on track I was moving on I was happy then just like that . One phone call at 10pm where you clearly to drunk to remember the conversation id be on a plane. Drop my job my home my family My friends … quite literally everything just to be with you . Just to love you. All I ever did in this world was so unconditionally love you. I thought I could hate you I did for a while . But I dont anymore . You where apart of my journey and it almost killed losing you but it was supposed to happen . It was part of the plan that god has for me. You coming int o my life brought so much love and bond that ill never feel with anyone else . I will never love someone the way I let my self love you. And when the lesson has finally been learned only then I can move forward to the next chapter. And your purpose in my life was love and lots of lessons and lots of growing . You think god doest hear your heart crying you think he gave up on you ya know , but he never did. In the end you’ll see there was such bigger picture. 5 years I spent going back to you and leaving you. Why did I always go back ? Because loved you but I clearly wasn’t seeing what god prepared for me. He wouldn’t believe his lessons or fallow his guidance so he kept bring ing me back to you so I could relearn and remember why I left and well you might be my soulmate your not meant to be in my story forever . Only a couple chapters . And once you’ve served your purpose to my life that god wants me to have experienced and learned I will be able to move forward. I first must let you go . And I finally am starting to. I got so unhealthy and so sad and so stuck and caused so many health problems to my body . So much that was almost to much to prepare. But I made a choice one day . I chose my self , and not you. I chose to love me and not love you anymore. I commented intently to my family and I mean really gave it my all. I learned that no matter what my parents wouldn’t never leave mom behind .and im going to everything in my power to be a good girl to them and build our love and our relationship . And I think that was gods purpose all along. You cant keep whats not for you . And I didnt understand that when we parted ways. I accept that now . And I know as I continue to stay on the right path god has such beauty waiting ahead for me… look how much I loved you and all I did for you imagine how much I will love the right man. I did alot. Every time we break up I have to fix my self . But I know now its all apart of the journey . All those trials with you just made me stronger it made me braver it made me wiser and it made men grateful for the good ones.  You breaking my heart was one of the best things to happen to me in the end. Because I never would stopped loving you I never would have left you behind. I would have always been your biggest fan and continued to love you till I ended up hating my self. You have the courage to set me free was the kindest thing you ever did for me. At the time I didnt get it but who I am now and what I ve accomplished for my self and how when you try really hard to be better and I mean really hard things kind of fall in to place. God smiles and says okay you deserve this you’ve learned you’ve grown . I manaaged to accomplish that goal of being close to my family . We are so close and we love trust and respect eachother so much . Our bond is very very strong . I managed to get my self too a doctor , I found out I complete sabotaged my health . And oh ya I have 14 allergies !!!!  And some of the effects of those allergies after time has caused a harmful build up to where I was 3 years away form being diabetic , my thyroid completely stopped working . Amplifying my anxiety and my depression . The last month. I was in az i would get sick a lot . Id eat something and get sick . The problem was I was so fuxking drunk all the time I didnt ever thing anything of it. I’ve destroyed my guy and its a blessing that wildly and randomly this doctor asked if she could test me . And we found a lot of issues and also got a lot of answers to a lot of my health issues. Im starting treatment for that . Ill be injecting my self every other day with medicine to help my body repair the damages I have done and it will also help fight allergic reaction and build immunity so this doesnt happen again . I also !!! Am taking my meds again . Different ones but im glad I chose to take this chance on them again . I figured if im going to  put my health and happiness first I dotn need to be drinking and If im not drinking a lot fo stuff is going to come to the surface and I don know how well ill be able to handle that reality. I also like I said thought. Was going to kill my self. I was so heartbroken so so so sad. I knew I needed help and I reached out and got. Now im happy and stable and I get out of bed and I have energy and im so present and to active. I work out everyday . I eat healthy and I lost some weight . My highest weigh t was 168 before our florida trip I got down to 147 , when worked for Linx I was 145 then after being with tj again my mental health went hay wire and I lost my self again . Completely lost. And when I got back to co I was 153 pounds …. I would shift from 145 to 147 … then I just stopped worrying about it and started doing something about it. I channeled all my sadness in to exercise . Im sad go work out im bored go work out im happy hey go work out get that good flow !!  Your angry you miss him what ever it was I worked out then it became all I could focus on cus I learned to love it so Much . I took on running again I put in the work . Things finally where falling into place . I was getting my self back and this time it was better then ever . Better then ever before . I unlocked this door and its been so beautiful. I one day weighed my self just to see assuming id be 145 I was 137 !!!! Wow !!! A week later I was 135 and today I am 133!!!!! Its so cool and feels so good to not be depressed not feel pretty in my clothes. And iliv Amy self. So much . I hope I start working at hooters soon and continue to have a great life. I finally got approved for unemployment and ally back pay and also and extra 13 weeks after mine runs out. Things are just happening . I wasn’t going to get any hadn’t outs . But I was at the bottom thats for sure and you know who was there ? Not tj not the guy you literally did everything for no not him . My mom and my step dad and my brother . They took me in . And it was hard and uncomfterable , but I just stopped going out stopped drinking as much . And did things for them no matter if they where mad at me or if it was awkward.i committed to being good fo them . And I knew it would take time . But little by little ive managed to accomplish all my goals . When I used to be the queen of quitting. I cant wait to see even more of what god has in store for me. And who I become . My skins cleaning up my body is losing weight I more active im healthy and im very in touch with my desires and my well being . I care and love and respect my self so so much. Its like a huge spiritual awakening. I love being alone . I dont feel like alone deserves me right now to be honest .Its gong to take a lot for me to love again but its okay . Not everyone deserves that form me anyway. I worked so hard to me this . To be who I am right now and I won’t let anyone take that away form me. You cause harm to my heart my well being just by !! If you disappoint me disrespect me or hurt me its done . You lost you dot meet my needs your not benefiting and there’s to many many and women on this planet . Ill never waist my time on the wrong one . Ever again. I respect my self to much to put someone over me! And I stand by that now and forever!!!  The new be is bette then ever and its gong to take a hell of a person to change my relationship status . And that cool im honestly not even interested . I dont care to date or hang out or hook up or even have sexual contact with anyone . Im so content with me myself and this beautiful transition im goin through I just want to focus on me and my family and my health. Because this is what its all about. This is what living is. this is life. This is beauty . This is whats important. I feel like im living . And im happy and im only going to get better and better. Thank you god for this life and thank you for giving me the strength to turn the page and start a new chapter on life. I fully trust you and the processs. And that brings me back to “god will never leave you behind” I needed to learn all those things that all may mistakes have taught me . And god has a way of constantly bringing things back Into your life if it has not yet served its purpose or taught you what you needed to learn.  I see that now. Positive mind set is very powerful . Loving your self is amazing and living through god is the best thing you can do . I will always you tj and I will always in some way wish there was a me and you forever .but I cant ever betray my self like that again. That door is officially closed.  See I thought my life was over when you said our relationship was over. But really it had just begun. Everything happened for a reason exactly how its meant to happen . Losing you meant I could finally find my self. It just lit up the path .  God bless <3 no angry  im happy and im I accept this and I forgive my self and you . Life is so Beautiful .

Some one very wise once said … -Life is not about how much you hurt its about how much your willing to suffer. ~VP

Im not willing to suffer any longer.  Except it feel it and then forgive and move forward.