#but im esp looking forward to get in the water >:]

[aq2003]

it IS weird that the general consensus on twelve is that peter capaldi is an excellent actor but his episodes are bad (esp in comparison to the general consensus on series 5 being that it's some of the best the show gets) bc i am overall really enjoying series 8, a lot more than the last 3

[kindred-spirit-93]

my disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined

tis 11:30 ish in the morning where i am rn and according to the internet the listening party will be around 4am my time :')

inspired by this gem in my drafts i forgor to post lol

[youredreamingofroo]

On Repeat

// Click for HQ

Whew,,, I finally finished these! Thank you @elderwisp / @elksun / @living-undead / @dejasenti99 AND @yukikocloud FOR THE TAGS!!!! Holy wow :0

Tagging :

@circusjuney / @butteredfrogs / @mmonetsims / @flovoid

@birdietrait / @venriliz / @retrotrait / @mattodore

plus anyone else who wants to do this! Also feel free to ignore esp if you've alr done this, idk who has and hasn't im sorry 😭😭

// Extras under the cut - below is very long, so open w/ caution if you don't wanna scroll a lot 😭

This has taken the piss outta me (albeit fun), so i'm kinda just gonna explain how I think the featured line in particular is akin to the OC/Ship and not the entire song... as much as I'd love to 😭 Also it's just SUPER hard (for me) to find songs that I relate to my OCs, lyrics as well so skdjhnsjk

Roo's Song Oil & Water by Origami Button "When did I become like the ones I never thought I'd welcome in my home"

The above line in particular is quite literally Roo in the current story/character arc- He's looking at himself from a third person view and going "Oh. I am what I hate." He's looking at his old self, in college, and how he treated Leo, to now, looking at his present self and seeing the way he creeps on Leo, how he clings to him despite being several states over. Roo looks at the progression of his stalker-ish behavior, his obsession, how it went from just general clinginess that Leo could bear, to something completely unbearable after 7 years of no contact, it saddens him. So taking it quite literally, if he was at his own door and he knew how awful he was, he would slam the door on himself. A painful self reflection for him :')

Leo's Song Truth or Dare by Ricky Montgomery "Hiding in the closet, trying not to vomit, didn't even want it"

The entire first verse for this song can be applicable to Leo. As a teenager (15-16), Leo went HEAVY on drugs as a form of escapism from his parents, of course they'd always find him and get on his ass HARD for doing that shit. After a while of being sober, Leo started going to house parties, great idea- Flash forward to his third house party, and he finally cut his year long sober streak for drugs. as many as he could fit in his body. He had terrible influences around him so they encouraged him to do this shit, it didn't take long for his body to feel the god awful effects of taking so many drugs, so he ended up in the bathroom for a while- He tried to hold back the vomit because he was,,, partially enjoying his high, but he couldn't hold it back for long and ended up passing out, but not before nearly gutting himself from vomiting so much. Cut forward in time, and people got worried, bashed open the bathroom door and found Leo's unconscious body slumped over the toilet 🙃 Obv he came out fine, but it's a major moment in his life, because looking back on it, he realizes that wasn't what he wanted, he just wanted attention, he wanted to be cool, he wanted to be rebellious, but he didn't want to (nearly) kill himself. The render isn't one-to-one with the situation, but the lyrics are accurate so :3

Onia's Song Bloodstream by Soccer Mommy Scene used in render "Now a river runs red from my knuckles into the sink and there's a pale girl staring through the mirror at me"

Overall, the song talks about how the artist (Soccer Mommy) has lost her childhood innocence and how she wants to go back to her childhood and putting Onia's Sheep in Wolf's clothing motif aside, Onia misses being a child, and misses not knowing the pain and burden of being the complete opposite of what her parents wanted, so she spirals over this a lot, and like the lyrics say, "a river runs red from my knuckles into the sink," She tends to lean towards harming herself, in this case, her hands, and her knuckles- I can't draw or simulate blood in either blender or GIMP, so the red light is supposed to simulate the blood-sodden sink that she's standing over, and of course, "pale girl," is Onia, she's staring at herself, but additionally I like to think she's staring past the mirror, or staring through it (wink wink), she's spacing out and thinking about who she should've been, or who she could've been.

Hero's Song Following Eyes by Soccer Mommy "An awful feeling started creeping over me and what I saw was like no horror I had seen"

I'm keeping this short and sweet. It's not easy to find a song (that I like) that's about being haunted or cursed so. I had to re-use her song from her intro post, which isn't bad, but I did hope to find a new song kdsjhnsjk Anyways. Hero's cursed, pretty much anywhere she goes, she is forced to perceive ~the horrors~, sometimes she's forced into a blank space, a void (SOMETIMES,,, not a lot,,, rarely moreso), where she'll be tormented for who even knows how long, this moment in particular, she was walking along this catwalk in the dark, she eventually felt something that felt similar to someone dragging their fingers up your spine, in a moment of fear, she turned around and just. saw. She looked onto this,,, being, what she saw was "like no horror I had seen,,," Although to be fair, the creature isn't all that horrifying (which in my defense.. I'm a blender novice so </333)

The Hiraeth Song Nomu by Good Kid "Four eyes entwined draw four separate lines and none of them point to you"

I think this song overall is a perfect example of Roo and Leo's relationship both after Leo's confession and after Roo tried to reconnect with Leo. After Leo confessed, he tried to keep their relationship going, but it didn't work out, so he gave up (Roo didn't realize Leo was pulling such a weight and he just let their friendship fall out) After Roo tried to reconnect (aka the CURRENT storyline), Roo has been trying to keep things together and has been trying to make things work, but Leo has long-since given up on their friendship as a whole. Now in terms of the lyric above; Post-Confession, every conversation they had together would not be the same, they couldn't look each other in the eyes, their eyes would connect momentarily and separate almost immediately; Nowadays, if they WERE to be living together or near each other, they just would NOT be able to talk to each other, because Leo would be fed up with Roo and trying to avoid as much eye contact and general verbal+physical contact as possible with him. Roo, on the other hand, is just terrible with eye contact so he would have a terrible time trying to engage in eye contact with Leo.

The Ithanel / It's All Wrong Song From Eden by Hozier "Babe there's something broken about this but I might be hoping about this oh what a sin"

Ithuriel and Nanel's entire relationship is inherently toxic, they are not toxic to each other, but the underlying (or moreso, the OVERWHELMING OVERLYING) dangers of this relationship makes it toxic, broken in a way. Nanel risks her life going to see Ithuriel outside of work-related interactions and Ithuriel risks her life by just. seeing, talking to and loving Nanel. Whether they know (they do) or care (they dont) about these dangers, they still want this relationship, they live on, literal, prayers that they are not caught and that they can continue to love each other in peace, but overall, their relationship, in the eyes of the heavenly council (ehhh W.I.P term for IAW lore stuff), is a sin, and nothing but a sin.

Ithuriel's Song What You Mean by Rome Hero Foxes "Cause every little god damn thing you do makes me wanna get close to you"

The lyrics speak for themselves... Ithuriel is very dedicated to Nanel, and literally every waking moment of seeing and knowing Nanel drives Ithuriel up the walls because she loves her so much.

Nanel's Song Future Me Hates Me by The Beths "It's getting dangerous, I could get hurt, I know, I've counted up the cons, they far outweight the pros."

This is semi-foreshadowing, but Nanel knows that her and Ithuriel's relationship is forbidden, wrong (not cuz its gay necessarily,, 😭), and the way Ithuriel's heavenly role works means that their relationship status and every interaction outside of a required interaction is a risky game of one or both of them being punished and sentenced to death. But ! Nanel loves Ithuriel wayyyy too much to let how insanely dangerous their relationship is to get in the way of them loving and being with e/o.

Nirvana's Song 1999 by Beabadoobee "And I'm not wasting time again, closure instead of s^x, and I'm not wasting time again" Idk if I need to censor s^x but i am justttt in case...

Oof, Nirvana... Nirvana has always been sxually active, she's always had one-night-stands with other men, she's tried to continue things after that ONS, but it never works, she's tried to have relationships with women, but they just use her for s^x. She's tired of wasting time with people who just want her for her body, she's tired of s^x, she just wants, well, closure, she wants someone who will love her for her, she wants a relationship without s^x, or at least isn't s^x-focused, she just wants to know someone will love her past her body. Although aforementioned is all just a habit so she will unfortunately end up right back where she started and continue this uncomfortable and sad spiral.

[specialagentlokitty]

Daryl x reader - out my sight

hello!! i just read out my sight and it was AMAZING!!! would you consider a part two, whatever you want, im just curious to see more esp with the fighting and the group probably like “y’all actually love each other?” till they see a small moment that makes them get it. if not, that’s a okay! im definitely looking forward to seeing more of your work in the future!!! ❤️ - Anon💜

Part two:

Daryl did everything to keep you out of harms way, even at the farm, nobody was allowed near you on their own, especially not Shane.

You were sat down on top of the RV, sniper in your hands as you scanned the area again.

“Hey!”

Lowering the gun, you turned around and looked down at your boyfriend.

“What?”

“I want my jacket.”

You huffed, crossing your arms and shook your head.

“Mine now, been wearing it long enough.”

“You ass that ain’t how this works, it’s mine, give it.”

You turned around, going back to your spot to keep watch and he walked around the RV, standing just below it with his arms crossed.

“Come on, give it back I want it.”

“Nope.”

“Don’t be so fuckin’ stubborn, you never liked it anyways.”

You grinned down at him, setting your gun down.

“Yeah but it’s mine now, plus it’s warm.”

“I know it’s damn warm, it’s why I want it.”

“Not happening asshat.”

“I swear to god I will come up there and take it from you.”

You mocked his words knowing full well that he wouldn’t actually come take the jacket away from you.

He knew that he wouldn’t either, he just wanted to wear it since you had been wearing it for so long.

He took the one he was wearing off and tossed it up, and you glanced at it.

“Swap me.”

“It smells like ass.”

“You smell like ass, gimme a jacket.”

You snickered, taking the one you were wearing off and you laid on your stomach, reaching down to pass it to him.

Daryl looked around and he dragged something over, standing on it he placed his hand on the back of your head, quickly kissing you before he took the jacket down and jumped on the floor.

He tossed it on and you smiled softly at him.

“You’re a bitch!” He called.

“Fuck you!”

You sat up there for a few more hours in the sun before you swapped with Dale, and you walked over to the tent your boyfriend was living in.

Looking inside, you shrugged and made your way up to the house, sitting on the steps next Lori who was watching Carl kick some stones about.

“Any idea where the dickhead went?”

“Which one?” She laughed softly.

You grinned a little at her, pulling Daryl’s jacket a little closer around you.

It did smell bad, but it still smelled like him, and it was comforting, especially after so long without being with him, knowing he was alive.

“The one that follows me likes freakin’ shadow.”

“Ah, Daryl, he went hunting.”

“He’s a dick.”

“Aren’t you dating him?” Andrea asked confused.

You shrugged a little, titling your head back to look at her and you took the cup she offered you, drinking some of the water before setting it aside.

“Yeah, but he’s still a dick.”

“Yeah, he’s not exactly the friendliest of people.” She laughed softly.

You nodded, and looked at the small group you had learned was taking care of him.

They seemed like good people, and you were glad he had that, because you knew he needed good people in his life even if he didn’t want to admit it.

You spent the day up at the house with them, helping with a few tasks that they needed help with before making your way back to the tent, sitting inside.

You laid on the blankets, closing your eyes in hope for a few hours of sleep, but it didn’t come because someone tapped the fabric.

“Hey, we’re all getting ready to eat, are you coming?” Rick asked.

You waved your hand dismissively.

“Tired…”

He chuckled a little.

“Come on, just a bit of food then you can come back for some sleep.”

“I’m gonna throw my boot at you…”

“Alright, alright. I’ll get someone to set some aside for you.”

You nodded your head and he closed the tent again, letting you go back to sleep.

You heard shouting outside, and you furrowed your brows, sitting up and unzipping the tent to peak outside, hand on a gun Daryl had left for you.

“Daryl… shut the fuck up…” you mumbled.

He whipped around, walking over he unzipped the tent.

“Get your fuckin’ ass out here.”

“Nah…”

You crawled back inside and laid down to go back to sleep, wanting to make the most of it.

“Hey! Don’t you dare go back to sleep you lazy fucker! Get the hell out here now!”

You refused and he walked into the tent, hooking his arms under yours he dragged you outside and dropped you by the fire.

Snatching a plate from Shane who protested and tried to take it back he walked over and put it next to you.

“Fuckin’ shithead, skippin’ out of meals the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Don’t be such a prick.” You said.

You pushed yourself up, sitting so you could eat the food you were given and Daryl smacked the back of your head.

“Hit me again I’m gonna break your damn fingers.”

“Try it fucker.”

Everybody shared a look.

Daryl sat behind you, resting his back on yours as he began to clean the bolts for his crossbow.

“You guys seriously love each other?” Shane scoffed.

Rick punched his friend in the shoulder.

“Mind your own fuckin’ business.” Daryl grumbled.

You leant forward then fell back, hitting your back against his.

“Be nice shithead.”

He scoffed and grumbled something you couldn’t quite hear.

When you were finished eating you made your way back inside the tent to go back to sleep, and it wasn’t long until Daryl came through a few minutes later.

He laid next to you, resting his head on your chest and you placed hand on his head, gently messaging his scalp.

He hummed a little bit, wrapping his arm around your waist.

“Don’t see why I gotta play nice with ‘em. Don’t like ‘em, I like you.”

“You bitch, you hardly play nice with me as it it.”

“Yeah, but you love me.” He smirked.

He leant up, pressing a soft kiss to your jaw, then your shoulder.

“Don’t you try sucking up now.”

“Come on, say it.”

“No.”

“Say you love me darl.” He whispered.

You hummed a little, placing your hand on the side of his face, running your fingers along his cheek, tilting his head up towards you.

“Say it first…”

“Course I love you stupid.”

You grinned from ear to ear.

“Daryl Dixon loves me.” You beamed.

“Shut the fuck up.”

Laughing, you leant down, and he leant up, connecting your lips together.

You pulled away and he rested his head on you again, closing his eyes.

“Go to sleep..” you whispered.

He nodded, and fell asleep before you, but you knew he was still half awake.

He woke up before you, and he brushed his knuckles along your face, then leant down, kissing your forehead.

He looked between the two jackets and he picked up the one you had recently been wearing.

He was off back out today, and he knew you knew, but he wanted to go before you woke up so you wouldn’t attempt to go with him.

You decided to stick near the RV to wait for him to come back, so when Andrea announced a Walker and you looked through the scope of your gun.

You couldn’t get a good view, so you climbed on the fence, standing on it to try and get a better view.

“Don’t shoot!” You called up.

“Come on it’s just one, I can take it!”

“Yeah and draw others! I’ll go out!”

You jumped the fence, putting the gun on your bag you caught the stick that was thrown to you by Dale and you slowly crept closer.

The closer you got the better you could see.

“Daryl?” You called.

He looked up, and you ran over.

You heard the others shouting and you wrapped your arm around him, placing a hand on the wound in his ribs.

“Don’t shoot!” You yelled.

Daryl coughed a little, leaning against you, his head on yours.

“You’re alright sweetheart, we’re gonna get you some help yeah? You’ll be just as new..”

“Ain’t a few war wounds sexy on a man?” He smirked.

You laughed a little, taking hold of his hand.

“Ya damn right.”

The others ran over, and you placed a hand on your boyfriend’s chest.

“Don’t hurt him! He’s still human!”

“Come on, let’s get him back to Hershel.”

There was a bang, you and Daryl were thrown back.

Quickly rolling over you looked at the wound on his head.

“No.. no… no… Daryl…?”

“Get him! T-Dog get (Y/N)!”

You were hauled away from Daryl and you yelled, trying to break free so you could get back to him.

“Fighting me isn’t gonna help him!”

You stopped, tears running down your face and T-Dog let you go so you could run after them back to the farm house.

You fell jumping the fence, scraping your arm.

You tried to run into the house but they wouldn’t let you in.

“(Y/N)! Calm down!” Lori pleaded.

You stood there, and you turned your gaze to Andrea.

“You fucking shot my boyfriend….”

“I.. I’m sorry.. I.. I thought…”

“You shot him!”

You charged forward and you were pulled back, thrown aside by Shane, and Carol knelt next to you placing a hand on your shoulder.

“I swear to fuckin’ god if he dies Andrea I’m gonna kill you…” you sneered.

“You’re bleeding..” Carol whispered.

“I ain’t getting it looked at ‘till I know he’s alive.”

“You think that’s what he would want? You know he’d want you to get looked at.”

You looked up at her, tears burning your eyes.

“Not until I know he’s alive…”

She slowly nodded her head.

“Alright.”

So, you sat there, staring at the house, waiting.

You could see them all talking at the front, and it was Rick and Lori who walked over.

The crouched in front of you.

“He ain’t dead… tell me he ain’t dead.. Rick I swear to god…”

“He’s alive. He’s alive, but he needs to rest before you can see him, alright? That all Hershel asks.”

You nodded your head, knowing it was for the best if he were left to rest alone, but you knew that Rick wouldn’t lie to you.

“Come on, let’s get your arm looked at.”

You let them pull you up and you followed Lori inside to get your arm cleaned and bandaged.

The whole night you stayed on the porch, just waiting and nobody dared to move you, even as the sun rose and they began to come and go.

Lori came over.

“Hey, I’m sorry, I know you want to wait for him, but you think you could help me with some stuff?”

You nodded, needing the distraction and to keep yourself away so you helped her with some cleaning and things by the RV.

“You know she didn’t mean it.”

“I don’t give a fuck, I did Lori. If Daryl dies. If he turns. Amma put a bullet straight through her eyes.”

“You really gonna do that for me?”

You spun around, dropping what you were holding, and Daryl grinned a little bit at you.

“Ain’t that sweet.”

You walked over, placing your hand on his ribs, able to feel bandage from under his shirt, then you raised your hand, brushing your fingers against the one on his head.

He brought his hand up, taking yours and he held it to his chest, leaning down to put his forehead against yours.

“Am alright, ain’t no need to go killin’ people now is there?”

“She shot you…”

“Everybody wanted to shoot me at least once, takes more than a bullet to bring me down darl, you know this.”

You shook your head, closing your eyes as you brushed your nose against his.

You sniffled a little and he pulled away, bringing a hand to your face so he could wipe away the tears.

“Hey, come on now, don’t cry. I’m alright.”

Everybody kept their distance, but it all made sense to them now.

You guys argued a lot, but that moment made them all realise how much you really did love each other.

The way he wiped your tears away, resting your head on his chest, an arm wrapped tightly around your waist with the other on the back of your head.

The way you clung to him tightly as if he were the one thing keeping you together.

Daryl kissed the top of your head repeatedly.

“Come on, come on darl… stop cryin’ am starting to feel bad and I was the one who was shot…”

You laughed weakly and you pulled away.

Taking your jacket off, you wrapped it around his shoulders, and he smiled a little at you, leaning down to kiss the corner of your mouth.

“Come on, let’s get you some sleep moron, I heard you been awake all night.”

You nodded and he took your hand, leading you to his tent so you could get some sleep.

He sat down with a grunt of pain, and you looked at him worried, but he just guided your head to his chest, letting you rest on it.

He ran his fingers through your hair, just like you did for him, and he held you tightly and close, making sure you were safe.

When he woke up after being shot he was terrified it was you that was hurt, and they wouldn’t let him go see you until he slept and was rested enough.

You held his hand close to you, and he smiled down at you, shuffling down so he was laid down with you curled up next to him

[the-s1lly-corner]

Flufftober prompt 29: Vacation (Lambert)

chat im going to be so real i didnt mean for there to be so many cult of the lamb fics for this month but ykw im not complaining.... if there was anything i could change, it would be rewriting shamura and narinders pieces esp because their fics were written before the bishops final quests were added in buuuuuuuut its too close to my personal deadline for this as i write this (a few days before october 1st) so yeah heres to hoping i give writing them another shot in the future! list here woo yeah baby plot: you steal the leader away for a day spent at pilgrims passage... its hardly a vacation but its a break the lamb accepts with open arms notes: reader is gn, reader is written as an aquatic creature in mind but you can tune out the details to make them anything, reader is a disciple and has been around for a long long time, takes place post game while the lamb is getting the bishops, they/them pronouns for lambert word count: 1506 cws: none

Things were only getting harder after each addition to the cult, and as dissention grows the Lamb finds themselves getting stretched thinner. Always sent away to retrieve something- or someone- from the world outside the flock.

They were dead tired, despite what they told you; but you could see the drag in their hooves and the way their eyes squinted when a cultist flagged them down for their attention.

So when you noticed the kitchens running low on fish you jumped at the chance to steal the leader away for some much needed time away from the cult. Hence why you are now both standing at the shore of Pilgrim's Passage.

You lower yourself onto the sand and dangle your feet off of the sudden drop, and watched the waves under you. It wasn't still, but they weren't slamming into the rock and dirt. You watch at the red crown shifted into the form of a rod and casts itself into the water.

"You don't need to do that, you can buy from..." You eye darts to the figure a few meters away. "You know, the fisherman." Your mouth tightened a bit as you peeled your eyes away and looked to your leader. "We've more than enough coin to cover it,"

Lambert's mouth worked itself before they looked back down at you, curling it into a faint smile. "I know, but fishing is nicer. It let's me turn my brain off for a while!"

That was true. They would be gone for far longer than one would expect when coming down to the coast.

"You don't have to be here, truth be told I was hoping you'd stay behind and keep an eye on everyone..."

You shrug, fingers sinking deeper into the warm sand. Your fins stretched as you smiled at them. "Julty can handle it on their own! besides who would keep you company and make sure you don't spend the entire weekend here? You know they don't like the water, anyways."

Julty, the yellow cat turned from hard working farmer to devoted disciple.

Lambert says something you can't quite hear, shifting to sit down next to you. Their hands grip the fishing rod, fingers tapping on the reel. "There's still so much work to be done,"

They look so tired, but not defeated.

"The flock is growing and there needs to be precautions set, with the bishops... I'm surprised Leshy hasn't burned anything down yet, but we're struggling to keep up with Heket's appetite." They mumble the last part to themselves.

"Why not kill them?" You want to say, but the words don't dare sneak past your lips. If Lambert wanted the bishops dead, they would have done so already- they'd never think to bring them to the flock. There has to be a reason they've brought them here, even if temporarily.

You shift your jaw, and you lean forward over the edge of the drop as the Lamb begins talking to themselves again.

"And if the flock finds out the bishops are here, the dissention could- HEY-" They scramble to grab at you before you can fall into the water but they're not fast enough.

In an instant you're under the waves, the water warm against your scaled body. Your head breaks the surface as you smile up at your leader, who was about to jump to follow you... You file that away for later. "Why-" They began before you shot a stream of water through your mouth at them.

They splutter and glare down at you, although they don't seem to be all that angry. You duck under the water as the red crown morphs into something- what form it takes you don't know, as everything fades into darkness as you lower yourself into the water.

The hook of the fishing rod breaks the surface above you.

You stare at it, before a grin breaks across your face. You hook a finger around it and give it a tug. Lambert tugs back, not enough to tear you out of the water or bring you closer to the shore- but enough to raise you closer to the water's surface. You swim upwards, clinging onto the line.

"Oh dear it appears I've been caught!" You cry out into the air as you let the line pull you.

"Yup," The Lamb pulls you even closer, face still dripping with water. "I've never caught a talking fish before... real big one too, maybe we can use this one for a feast!"

You tug away from the line, grin evident on your face as you watch your leader grip the rod tighter in their hands. "No! I wouldn't taste good-" You give another tug.

"Or maybe we could indulge and eat this one live and strung up-" They grin back at you.

You give another tug, this one a little too rough- you snap around and splash water everywhere just in time to see Lambert falling forward into the water.

"Shit- shitshitshit-" You hiss as you dive forward, stopping only when Lambert emerges from the waves.

"My lead-" You begin before they splash salty water in your face. Your face scrunches as you begin to splutter out of instinct. "That's for getting my face wet."

You gag, but the salt water wasn't anything new to you. "So mean, I was just trying to help you cool off is all-" You spit into the ocean and sink chin deep into the water, leaving only your face visible.

You open an eye and look at the lamb, who was wading through the water. It wasn't deep here, only high enough to come up to their chest. You rise to your feet in the water, no longer needing to swim now that you were in the shallower parts of the water.

"Lambert?"

"There aren't really any fish here today, maybe I should have done a ritual for some luck..."

You frown, they'd already returned to prioritizing the flock. You drag your feet through the water. "We've still got plenty of other meats, and as I said earlier you can always just buy some fish."

They frown, before clapping their palms together and taking a deep breath. "That's fine, I can just run through Anchordeep and get some, I need to go there anyways to get Kallamar,"

"Lambert," You said their name firmer this time. Finally, they looked at you. Their bell jingled softly as they raised an ear. "Hm?" is all they give you.

"You can go to Anchordeep later, there isn't really a rush is there? You just got done with Anura-" You walk with them to the dock, and help them up onto the wood. "The bishops can wait for you, I'm sure a few days is a blink for them."

Lambert lowered their hands to pull you up from the water. You take them, and they pull you up next to them. You both sit on the dock, their hands still wrapped around yours.

Their fingers squeeze you, before relaxing. Their face is screwed in thought, eyes fixated somewhere on your face. For a moment, they almost seem sad. For what, you can't say.

"Time is different for Gods, but that doesn't mean I don't have a job to finish,"

They pause as they watch your eyes burn into theirs.

"But," They cling tighter onto your hands once more. "I suppose, the flock can manage themselves for a little while longer."

They turn your hand over and trace their thumb along your palm. Then, their fingers interlock with yours.

You smile just slightly as you look out to the sea. The sun had begun to lower and cast it's light across the water, staining it orange.

"We can try to fish again tomorrow, I can help you," You offered. "So you don't come back to the flock empty handed,"

"I'd like that very much."

"How does four days sound?" You ask, "Then we can return, that should be enough time to catch plenty."

They turn over your words in their head.

"Three days, I do not want to leave Julty with all the work,"

"There's other disciples... but.." You trail off and swing your feet over the edge of the dock. The Lamb grips you, preventing any chance of diving back into the water. Not that the thought crossed your mind. "Three days can work,"

They nod, and rise to their feet. "Where are you going?" You ask.

"Checking to see if the Lighthouse Keeper has a spare place to rest for the time being,"

You watch them walk to the edge of the dock, before turning to their left to the lighthouse.

The waves shift under you, hitting the dock's support. Still, the Lamb was putting the needs of their flock before themselves. Lambert did not need to sleep.

You pull your knees up to your chest and watch the light glint through the sea. Beautiful shades of orange and yellow and blue shimmer for you. By the time Lambert returns, the sun had long set.

[were-wolverine]

just watched the final doctor who special.... spoilers ahead

THEY FINALLY. GAVE THEM A HAPPY ENDING. WITH DONNA TOO!!! SHE WAS THE BEST CHOICE TO COME BACK TO. TO 'COME BACK HOME' ADFASF;UOHSDFOS

they're a familu ims sobbing they afinalyl let 10 be happy wven if technialy theyre 14

10 has always been the most traumatized honestly. it's esp evident in the one special with 10 11 and the War Doctor where 10 remembers exactly how many children were on Gallifrey when they "destroyed" it. he's also the angriest and most unhinged (Waters of Mars, his 'death' scene, def more i can't remember). he lost the most of all the new who doctors (rose, martha, donna, river song)

just remembered donna was 10's last companion. crying again. he was always meant to come back to her.

ALSO!!! IVE ALWAYS SAID THEY ACT LIKE SIBLINGS AND NOW ITS PRETTY MUCH CANON. "MY BEST FRIEND, MY NIECE, MY BROTHER-IN-LAW" LIKE CMON. THEY ARE SIBLINGS!!!!!!!!!

and he still gets to have a Rose in his life :,)

i am now going to make a bunch of crack hcs about the Doctor and Donna being a PTA-mom duo lol. everyone is like "why is this man with you? where is your husband" and donna is like "excuse you, this is my long lost brother who cares deeply for his niece. shaun is making dinner for us. never speak to me again."

ncuti seems like SO much fun omg im really looking forward to his adventures. and him being so caring towards 14 :,) their interactions were so sweet esp bc its also david passing on the mantle yk?

15 really said "you're going to therapy for both of us thanks" as if that's how it works. babe pls.

i was kinda disappointed that their TARDIS interiors are the same but alas, its probably way easier than making a whole new one so i get it. for a sec there i thought we were gonna get 9 & 10's TARDIS back but no :(

ALSO- the toymaker being afraid of 'the one who waits'... listen i know its unrealistic BUT i really want it to be Me/Ashildr because she is said to be 'waiting to play chess at the end of the universe' and i think it would be so cool. i want to see her again. which reminds me i really wanna write/read a fic of her and capt jack meeting bc they were both turned immortal by the doctor and then left behind. but anyway

i also think it could be river song or capt jack, maybe even clara. aside from them tho idk who else it would be (unless its someone from classic who or a new character)

[stevie-petey]

hello m i hope you are well. i read chapter 7. nearly cried. tears of joy and also tears of being in the closet.

i'll say the lighthearted things first. high steve booping noses, asking for kisses, needing cold water. i want him, need him, and want to be him. as a certified public transportation girlie, the bus schedule concerns me greatly. wdym it comes every few hours?? fuck dude the mayor needs to stop taking bribes and start putting that money to city infrastructure cuz damn!!! bug squatting down at a movie theatre.......oooo you know people in that front row were mad as hell they weren't getting their premium ten cent experience.....

secondly, steve and bug.......coming off the high of the kiss omg.... the entire earnestness with which they feel for each other is so endearing. the part where steve tells her her beauty scares him and all she thinks i show much his beauty scared her......their twin flames for real....burning a candle together like no other...cut the cameras on me for real. genuinely taking a moment within all the chaos to appreciate how beautiful he is.....stuff of stars. also i loved when bug said this, "I think he’s as sweet as honey in July.” very southern mom thing to say and by southern mom i mean my dad. also these two lines: "To love someone is to know that they deserve your love." "Steve hadn’t known gentleness until he met you." Love working as a force that helps steve see his worth, help bug see her worth, and strive steve to be a better person is so much, so near and dear to me.....the solace they find in each other is amazing truly. also steve johnathan and nacy being so very uncomfortable at the news oooo your local core 4 group is undergoing a CRISIS BABE!

Okay now the big thing, which is the robin coming out scene..........omg. i liked how tender it felt how much it felt. robin picking at old wounds about bug and steve knowing it would hurt her.....terrible terrible time...... but seriously, and i am trying not to get too serious right now, as someone who is largely in the closet and will likely remain there for some time, this was really, really beautiful. robin coming out the moment she found people she was and comfortable enough to be vulnerable with was very veryyyy real, and the way that she felt she had to do it as soon as she was safe and that she wouldn't be punished for it </3. made me sob for her. bug holding her hand through it was very.....idk soft and tender, and i thought it was nice that bug got to share that part of herself too, liking nancy wheeler is very much an understandable activity, esp in s3 she looked so fucking good! just very sweet and nice for both of them, esp robin. she survived the having a crush on a girl with a bf canon event :D!! so proud of her!! picking at it like a wound was also delightful imagery, and it was such a good description of what it feels like sometimes, this thing you have to be investigating even when it feels like you shouldn't for various reasons but with you regardless.

such an excelleny chapter m, looking forward to ch 8 soooo much!!

drugged up stevie <333 also the bus schedule stressed ME out to write ,,, but its a small town with small ass roads that bus 100% comes every few hours and whew ,,,, horrendous

bug n steve were so cute in this chapter and im all giddy waiting to finally write them as a couple 🫶 theyre twin flames fr fr. and the line “to love someone is to know that they deserve your love” is a line i thought of a few years ago. ive waited so long to use her in my writing. i think it captures the trust within love and it really has stuck with me. i was so so so happy to finally have a place for the line in my writing <3333

lowkey bug is a southern darling to me. i picture her with a slight drawl im sorry but it FITS. her calling steve honey is my lil testimony to it ;)

im so incredibly happy the coming out scene was everything to you. as ive said in previous lil spiels about the chapter, i truly was nervous to write that scene with my inclusion of bug. ultimately the scene wasnt about her or steve, it was about robin and the pain of never being able to have what they do (she can. she will. we all will) but robin still finding the peace and strength within her friends to accept this. to still try :((( im deeply sorry that you feel as robin does right now. if you ever need anything, im always here my dear <3

AND NANCY X BUG WAS FOR U AND VAL TRULY ‼️‼️

[cringecompilationin480p]

tf2 mercs and the smokes i think they would pick up from a gas station. source: i work at a gas station

reasonings below the cut:

scout: i chose newport red shorts for him because i feel like he would think menthol is for losers. newports to me are a very. basic cigarette. the layman's cig. i also find newports, especially red newports to be a little nasty lol. also i dont see him as much of a cigarette smoker but i do think he smokes every once in a while, esp if hes really stressed out or had a bad match. his 1 box will last him a few months. after a while i think he would switch to newport gold shorts, as theyre lighter.

soldier: i know theres a lot of art of soldier smoking cigars, esp blue soldier. while i don't disagree with that notion, i dont think hes coming into a convenience store and picking up a pack of cigarillos. i went with lucky strike red shorts because theyre an All American cigarette and have been around forever. theyre on the cheaper side as well and he smokes them in Emesis Blue. i didn't go with american spirits because theyre advertised as an "organic" cigarette, and i feel that he would find that to be pretentious and an overall turn off. also american spirits are more expensive.

pyro: i dont think pyro is a tobacco smoker. if the pyro is smoking anything its going to be weed wrapped in a banana backwoods. banana is one of the more strange flavors backwoods has, and i feel like they would go for something on the fruitier side. i also chose backwoods because backwoods fucking rule and the shits look like twigs bc theyre full leaf wraps. i also feel like they would choose banana because none of the other mercs would want to smoke that.

demo: with demo it was more a process of elimination than anything. i dont think he's a cigarette smoker. so i went with a cigarillo because i can so very clearly see him smoking one. i don't think he would go for swishers as a lot of them are fruity, and that doesn't seem up demo's alley. i went with white owl sweets because theyre simple and straight forward, and i feel he would like a pack of sweets. to be honest, im a little shaky on this one, but i don't think anything else would suit him besides like. game greens. to be fair, i don't think he smokes much, and would probably go for something higher quality and hand wrapped if he was smoking a cigar. overall he would get these if he needed something quick and cheap.

heavy: idk about other stores but my store has 1 million dorals and nobody is buying them except for maybe one person every 6 months. heavy is that person. if heavy is smoking anything he's smoking light 100s because i can't see him smoking or liking a rich or full flavor cigarette. also dude is big so he's not getting shorts because they're too small and will be gone in two seconds. these smokes are a mystery to me; i have no idea of the quality or price range. but in my mind i can see him coming up to my counter, asking for these, and leaving without a word.

engie: i almost went with marlboro southern cut for this guy but it felt too on the nose, even if i think he would enjoy the smoke of those. i went with honey bourbon backwoods instead. the flavor seems right up his alley, and i can clearly see him asking for these at a convenience store. as to what he does with them... i can see him smoking them as they come in the package, or using them as a wrap. overall engie looks like he drinks good whiskey, and these cigars look like good whiskey. well... bourbon.

medic: i had a hard time deciding what medic would smoke and went thru all the brands i know of. at first i discounted marlboro because of how commonly bought they are, figuring he would smoke something weirder. but when i came back to it i had figured he would enjoy menthols, and i landed on marlboro menthol blue 100s. he wouldn't go for full flavor, as they would irritate his throat. i feel like smoking these shits would be like sipping cold water after having mint gum. i mean, they're described as "smooth" and "cool." medic is smoking basically spearmint and cold water, but not enough to the point of where he's buying a pack of marlboro ice and its variants of gum package looking cigs.

sniper: i chose cheyenne menthols for him because to me sniper looks like he loves old school shit. the youngest person i have seen come in and buy these has been maybe 40. i don't think he would go for a basic cigarette. cheyennes are box cigars, and a box of these goes for under $3, and typically have more tobacco in them. i feel as if he would enjoy that as well as menthol full flavor, and the smokes themselves are brown instead of white. i can see him smoking a brown looking cigarette so clearly. also the packaging has an outdoorsy look to it lol. basically, i just Know he would go for these. if he was going to go for anything else, he might smoke camel menthol wides. he would also pick up zig zag unbleached cones for his joints.

spy: look we all know spy is smoking that hoity-toity imported french bullshit but if for whatever reason he had to pick up a pack a cigs from a mobil or something it would be parliament blue 100s. i already think he smokes 100s in general, and would go for parliaments because theyre expensive. where im from they sell for like $13 a pack and its always dudes in suits and/or gold chains asking for these things. the packaging isn't an issue here as spy keeps them in a case, but i don't feel like he would turn up his nose at it. overall these are his best option for a gas station cig.

[zoeyserpentluck]

So I rode a green horse (a beautiful 5 yo Haflinger mare). One thing no one prepared me for is the bad feeling you get after bc your ride wasn’t as successful as you wanted. So I could not get her to canter no matter what I did. Past of that was the fact it was 30° and humid. But still! Not my first time riding in such condition and I had much less problems with riding more experienced horses in them. Im grateful bc I now know some things I have to work on that more experienced horses let me get away with but she won’t. Some confidence was lost on my part bc what if I’m not actually that good a rider and it’s just good horses?

Also she is new to the stable and has a new saddle. That was a NIGHTMARE to ride in. My whole pelvis hurts esp my ass. Had similar problems a few times before but never this bad.

One funny moment from today was when I got on and my trainer said “she is a little green but you will be fine!” and the look of utter betrayal I had in my face as I turned to face her. Like you tell me that now?! When I can’t even back out?!

She (the horse) also spilled water on me while I was drinking mid ride (so I wouldn’t pass out) and she started walking forward right as I brought the cup to my face.

[ad-hawkeye]

just learn about the contents of alkaid's lock up event, the card where he looks like he's tied up in a mental hospital setting(?)

bub....... i hate it so much cus alkaid is so ooc there yk his au selves still has some of the traits w his modern self right but here in the lock up event, nOOOOOO he's really Really different even worse than prefect luminary even mc is so ooc too and feels like reading a fanfiction

many cn players esp alkaid luvers dislike it too

im not looking forward to it when the lock up event get in the global server :(

now time to read some alkaid fluff to cleanse that Cursed event out of my mind

LMAO HAHA oh god i’m going to imagine that this alkaid is the freak of the bunch that the other alkaids are just really uncomfortable around at Universe Family Gatherings. even the prefect is like oh, that guy? yeah something went… wrong with that guy. truly the shining example that nurture can overcome any innate nature. We Don’t Talk To Him.

i think watching tot take artem wing and just absolutely shit on his characterization in his canon timeline has made me So Hardened. bc i think there’s a certain sort of beauty to how lbc works in that if there’s an alternate universe version you really hate, or is insanely ooc, you can just go okay well that was fucking weird! and you don’t have to deal with it as part of the canon timeline AND IT'S SUCH A RELIEF. or you can be like okay WELL guess who just found the fever dream universe!!!

though thinking on it, i think the real crime would be mc being insanely ooc. there's only one of her. cael would also wind up in hot water if he were written to be ooc, so i wonder how he’s handled in this event...

also wow, the cn fans don’t like it either??? i’m so used to being alone in this shit HAHA that’s actually so great. here’s to hoping their complaints are heard bc that’d be nice!! i’ll be joining you with that cleansing fluff btw x) i consider godheim alkaid to be a nice palate cleanser LOL

[astrxealis]

Apollo hi hello, I hope you’re doing well <3

I keep seeing your hades II rbs on dash and I am looking 👀 (I love seeing them sm) I remember wanting to get into hades a while ago but I never got the time <//3

So I was wondering what you like about it the most?? I’m considering buying the first game since there’s a discount going on but I was just curious about how the game is and all that, like your general thoughts on it. Sorry if this is random and coming out of no where :’)) feel feee to ignore this if I’m bothering you in any way

Anyways, remember to take care of yourself. Drink lots of water and eat your meals 🫶🫶 remember to take breaks and try not to overwork !!

- tired

TIRED HELLO HI i am doing WELL RN !! but also not because there's so much reqs bcs final week before break but also i am doing mostly good <3 I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL AS WELL !!!!! <33

okay omg YEAH i am currently super obsessed my brain is so -@;!()!-?-&!;/!@,' (sobbing) but TYSM FR WAH ..... >___< and honestly i really do rec hades it's so good (I GET YOU BTW i haven't actually. like got incredibly far in the game but i do have a fair amount of time in it + the only reason why i have it tbh is bcs of a family member <//3)

(OKAY I PUT THIS UNDER A READ MORE IF THAT'S FINE I'M SORRY IF THIS GOT LONG i was just replying normally and didn't realize i said so much oh my god)

OKAY SO. okay. tbh i'm not completely sure what i like the most but it's probably a combo of the art design/style + gameplay + characters. the art i'd say is incredibly beautiful and unique !!! the designs are really lovely and all (esp as someone who is a big fan of greek mythology which is one factor as to why i love the game so much!) <3 the gameplay is REALLY fun. and good. it's a roguelike game and it actually ties to the game's concept of death and resurrection ?? (underworld stuff. zag is literally the god of rebirth) and it's REALLY good at what it does. very addicting. no run is exactly the same and i personally didn't think i'd be fond of roguelike games but hades just really hits with it !! (a lot of people who don't like roguelike games seem to think this way too). tbh if hades is your kinda game then it genuinely is. sort of. really a Perfect Game ?? story + gameplay + visuals are like the three pillars of it and as far as i personally know all of that is just incredibly good. the protag is likeable, the other characters are likeable, i don't know some of the most important story bits yet but so far it truly is very interesting, each run is connected to the last (such that if you get a different boss, zag actually says smth abt that! it is a very fluid game. if that's properly describing it). LOWKEY EVERYONE IN THE GAME IS HOT. most likely bcs of the artstyle which is really just so nice <3 BUT YEAH i don't really like roguelikes bcs you kinda restart progress right? but hades really feels productive with each run (i even look forward to dying in game!!!!!) and there's so much failure but i don't really feel frustrated. it's a really rewarding game imo and no wonder a lot of people considered it to be their goty of 2020 (and it won a few awards for that too i think) <33 SORRY FOR RAMBLING SO MUCH BUT YEAH .... the game genuinely is just so good. also the voice acting is actually great. ALSO the romance options are super cool (AND POLY IS ACTUALLY POSSIBLE I THINK. INCREDIBLY COOL) and yeah the devs are worth supporting from what i know and are very inclusive it seems. might be wrong tho FKHSKDNSJ (EDIT: I FORGOT TO MENTION THERE IS AN AROMANTIC CHARACTER IN HADES AS WELL. SUPER COOL. actually im not too sure but yeah)

DW THIS IS VERY WELCOME AND I WAS GLAD TO RECEIVE THIS FR !!!!! not a bother at all >;)) lowkey should put this writing for my school work SOBBING BUT NW LOL IT'S JUST A BIT FUNNY TO ME

so yeah SORRY IF THIS IS WAY TOO LONG and TYSM AGAIN !! and for the very much needed reminder gah i should drink water fr >___< <33

[rewiredthethirdblog]

Before eating i was fasting for ages from day before even. Well into afternoon today i yadnt eaten. Andwho. Just sfter 4pm i got dantes meal and Mid meal i took a fish oil tablet and creatine water.

And just now 430pm took a nurofen tsblet a bcomplex, a calcium tablet and 17-19k new vitamin d3. Whats benzoates in it caramel flavour? Anywho on dr k n bergss advice vitamin d toxicity was NOT proven for real so you should go ham. And that recommended daily doseage of less than one iu is deliberately limiting . Oh and i should note as i was eating dsntes chicken n chips meal i had wuite a bit of pepsi max no sugar.

Also Dantes food made me feel pretty g but i know its high cslorie lots of bad deep fry type oils used for the chips and now feel palpitations. But after the d3 they are subsiding quickk

I wsited a lot this morning real depression set in as i didnt have anywhere near as good a day as the day i ssw deadpool i did so many things right that day and it was all planned to and mitigating bad stuff too. So it all workef out. But todsy i had no plans nothing to look forward too either apsrt from getting up n fixing my bikes and organizing it better depression sunk ij quick after that.

And to make it worse today as if it wasnt bad me being in fasted state and not taking meds today.. mother was so damn annoying over the phone for no aparent reason shes trying something or its in her head something but shes mental too so she needs a lil break too ig. It manifests in her being hyper annoying in person and over the phone so that phone call ehich forced me to make several phonecalls back to clear my sinuses and esp the mind etc to restore balance etc is why i also held back from taking my nessecary meds today. Yup mother held me back. Shes no longer good at mothering. Shes more of a burden now wether she knows it or not lol also slight migrsine. Very sharp but very annoying unlike other migraines i think i only had this type.of migraine for one day during the week also... Also super positive but checked myself out in mirror with black sweats hoodie and uggs. Holy fuck i look so slim in this outfit like i forget being fasted means no stomach bloat. but also i dont feel lightweight im heavy on scalebut the fat isnt showing it. Strong bones or dense muscles? Hmm both? My genes of being a survior and always yesrround thinking of surviving instead of living means yes lol

[elix8r]

I love the Olympics so much and anytime it’s on I get so fucking patriotic like gymnastics is of course one of my favorites but I also love surfing (I can kinda see Jay as a surfer?) and fencing and an obscure one I love is archery haha but omfg if you’re planning an Olympic au fic pls pls pls I’m begging I’d eat the shit outta it I don’t even care who it’s about

SAME LIKE RAHHHH GOD BLESS AMERICA! but like samesies i love gymnastics its the one i always look forward to and i'm pretty sure most people like it too esp women's gymnastics but omfg yes i actually really like watching surfing in general and im enjoying watching it rn like tahiti is way too beautiful i wish i lived near water like that! i also like both fencing and archery (honestly i watch anything) esp watching korea with archery is literally art but i am maybe perhaps considering it cause i honestly hit kind of a wall rn with psily and i am getting good inspo from the olympics and seeing how yall are really into it so maybe ? no promises tho!

[hyuckmov]

i did (have fun and did touristy stuff as it is only my first time)🥹 SO MUCH. people i've encountered are soooo nice. AND ILOVE AND MISS THEIR TRANSPO vvvv much, it's super convenient compared to where i am and i love the longggg walks where a person can actually walk. >:(((( you should really go when you can someday... im sure you'll have so much fuuuun <3

the last time i saw them was almost 4 years ago and they weren't even complete and it wasn't even a full solo concert so im SAD. the next time they come back i should be there. WE SHOULD BE THEREEEEE. yk i was also planning on going outside but decided to just stay and weep NDHDHDHDHDHDH my fav boys being all slutty and cool and cute i have lots of emotions that time.

AAAAAA congrats in advance !! i hope you give yourself a treat and perhaps a little break once your internship is done ;; you truly deserve it

HIII omg yeah i heard about the transport and also walking along the han river must be so nice (i love bodies of water. i could stare at any river for ages) also random but r there a lot of couples there... i hear that seoul has so many couples everywhere esp by the river LMFAO i'm excited to go one day :) i really wanted to go on a graduation trip w my friends to korea but we all got jobs instead

RIGHT no the next time they do a concert it'll be even bigger and better and we'll be there for sure !!!! doesn't change the fact that we feel sad now but it's good to have something to look forward to :) i was so devastated last night...it seemed like everyone and their neighbour was there and they all had such a good time... and also dream had so much energy apparently moreso than 127 so i was so upset that i didn't get a chance to see haechan at his brightest :( i might actually buy the beyond live ticket for the encore concert just to cheer myself up

i was gna get a job immediately after my internship but now ithink i'm going to enjoy unemployment for a bit while i still can... thank you for your well wishes i hope you're well too!!!!

[shadeslayer]

it took me a few reads to really get a handle on it, but yeah i would agree with you! theres a struggle in discussion of gender (and other things too, like in the paper im stalled out on re: social construction of racial identity) to reconcile what feels like "internal truths" or "just plain true, but only able to be pinned down through biological or 'essence' concepts which i know are wrong" with a purely social approach to definition of these things, especially when youre coming at it with an understanding of oppression and marginalization

theres an underlying automatic defensiveness of wanting to prove that "oppressed people dont choose to be oppressed" - like youve said with "born this way" and transmedicalism arguments, these have a hold over the way theory is presented. these texts always exist in the context of a transphobic society, and so reactions to transphobia and trying to anticipate counter-arguments and trying to justify your existence as a trans person writing about conception of gender can often be so automatic esp when writing theory for a wide audience

especially when it comes to trans people pulling from their own experiences. ive never been someone whos felt the "born this way" feeling or draw, though looking back i can spot things that place me 'out of the norm' and i could call early signs of my transness. but ive met & read works by a lot of trans people who very strongly stand in their own experience of "always knowing" and they can agree with social constructionism of gender but they cant reconcile it (and its baggage in popular understanding as weaker than biological explanations etc) with their experiences of a lifelong unexplainable, inexplicable Understanding that they were transgender. and social explanations for this can too often feel like theyre watering down or invalidating their experiences and feelings - especially when ur existing, like prev mentioned, within context as a trans writer in a transphobic field and a transphobic world and youre already starting defensively/feeling at disadvantage

so something you run into with ~academic discussion and especially with people who like to be very scientific is an underlying unconscious bias of not being able to let go their own feelings on it and to say that their experiences were purely social as well. which is very understandable! especially considering the state of gender theory and transphobia and the prevalance of the "born this way" narrative and how its taken as being the get-out-of-jail-free card for trans people to be allowed to be trans without being in trouble for "choosing" it (which, even though thats not what the social model means, is the felt-truth of many people that others will see it that way and so they have to answer that and justify their existence)

but, and i was reminded of this bc of your last post mentioning problems in the scientific method, its also a general failing of the state of academia/theory/"proving truth." to examine and put forth your own biases in the topic and to weave them into your work would be ruining the "objectivity," and thus, the Empirical Value of it. im very much of a view that there is no true objectivity and that positionality is the only way forward, especially for discussions about social issues and identity - which, in interest of positionality(!), comes from my own life as a two-spirited person whos been personally failed by 'scientific objectivity' + has had this 'but it feels true to me' struggle in my undergrad philosophy work + is very aware of the history of 'it 'objectivity' being used as a weapon against native americans. when you try to be objective and scientific, it so often leads to moments like this where there is something you feel to be true but doesnt fit your theory, so you have to add a caveat about it being a compounding factor. when truly, it may not be a compounding factor for the theory but is a compounding factor for you. which isnt even a problem - if you engaged with it as your own bias, you could bring that into the conversation and ask why do i feel this way, why do i need this to be objectively true, is it because of living and publishing in a context where i need to be on the defensive? how has this same context failed other trans writers and activists before me? but that examination of how trans people writing about gender, trans people in general, and especially trans women! are pushed to always be fighting the uphill battle to justify their existence and it so often undercuts the ability to have a robust discussion about gender identity - it gets lost in the weeds of being "another factor that i cant quite account for"

(idk if this adds anything or if its all over the place, i just love love discussions like this and it ties into stuff im working on/reading so i wanted to join the conversation. it brings me so much warmth to see interesting and non-hostile discussions of stuff like this on tumblr again. i feel like i used to see them a lot more but over the years so many people got run off by hostility and constant bad faith replies or just went inactive bc of life)

reading whipping girl again and I’m still stuck on Serano’s critique of the “social constructionist” model of gender, seen here:

Unfortunately, a strict social constructionist model does not easily account for exceptional gender expression either. Many girls who are masculine and boys who are feminine show signs of such behaviour at a very early age (often before such children have been fully socialised with regard to gender norms), and generally continue to express such behaviour into adulthood (despite the extreme amount of societal pressure that we place on individuals to reproduce gender expression appropriate for their assigned sex). This strongly suggests that certain expressions of femininity and masculinity represent deep, subconscious inclinations in a manner similar to those of sexual orientation and subconscious sex. […] While I believe that such inclinations are hardwired into our brains (as they exist on a subconscious level and often remain constant throughout our lives), I hesitate to define them as purely biological phenomena, as social factors clearly play a strong role in how each individual interprets these inclinations. (p 98, 2nd edition)

I don’t think she’s actually demonstrated how a failure to respond to cisgender and heterosexual gender norms is biological in nature, unless you assume that the only way a person can “socially” respond to societal pressure is by accepting it fully. Am I “biologically” a communist because I failed to accept the hegemonic liberal values that are pushed on us since birth? Liberalism is arguably just as engrained in my society (ie, Canadian society) as cisgender norms are. Trans resistance to cisgenderism can just as easily be argued on social grounds, because the resistance is itself a response to social pressure. I also disagree that children can exist in a pre-social state, that children are a blank slate whose earliest expressions of gender indicate some biological mechanism that precedes social expectations. Who takes care of you, the food you have access to, the type of housing you live in, the toys and activities available to you, what media you are exposed to, the levels of medical and social support your mother received prior to giving birth to you - these are all social! Those things are all deeply involved in the social production of gender! Children cannot exist outside of society anymore than adults can, and I think it does a disservice to the autonomy of children to ascribe any gender deviance they may express as simply biological, out of their control. They are expressing things that they witness in the world, and just because they aren’t doing it “correctly,” the way they “ought to,” does not mean there is some hidden biological mechanism that produces this deviance.

[poppy-metal]

aw poppy you got me thinking about eddie in dom drop :(( esp at the beginning of the relationship :(( having to reassure him that you wanted the things he did to you, holding him to your chest as you stroke his hair. telling him how much you love him and how he was so good to you, how good he made you feel :(((

i- yeah 🥺

cw under the cut: dom!drop. eddie being self depricating, reader reassuring him. sweet sweet aftercare. mentions of spanking.

think he might actually cry the first time you guys try impact play :( he feels....so bad, for getting hard. from hurting you. from leaving bruises on your ass. feels so shitty about it and he tries not to, rubs lotion on your sore cheeks and can't stop his eyes from watering at the little whine you let out.

he just...breaks. you hear him sniff and then his hands are running up your spine and hes hiding his face in your neck and whispering. "im sorry. im so fucking sorry."

you blink out of the haze you were in to turn over, ignoring the burn in your ass so you can wrap him up in your arms. take his face in your hands and look at him worriedly, "eddie, baby. why are you apologizing, what's wrong?" thumbs swiping away the tears falling down his ruddy cheeks.

he shakes his head and kisses your wrist. his eyes so big and shiny and wet. "i hurt you. like." he takes a deep shuddering breath, "i left marks. you're gonna be in pain tomorrow- jesus, fuck-"

"eddie." you squeeze his cheeks, all your senses back and pinpointed on him. "you know i wanted this right? like im the one who asked for it?"

he nods once. "yeah, yeah i know that. but. shit. i got-" he swallows and you see his adams apple bob. "i got hard. during."

you would giggle if this wasn't a serious moment. oh, your eddie. your lovely eddie. you lean forward to kiss his nose. sweet and gentle. his lashes flutter at the motion, reverent, like hes soaking in the fact that you still want him.

"im glad you did." you tell him. you card your fingers through his hair and bring his head to your chest, laying on your back and trying not to wince. you don't want to remind him of your aching ass just right now. later. "i really am, eddie. i know this was my thing, but i wanted us to enjoy it together. and you were so good."

his breath hitches, blows out across your nipples. his hair tickles your chin. "really?"

you hum and kiss the top of his head. "really, really. you did everything right. told me the stoplight system. made sure i was okay throughout. made me cum at the end. if i wanted you to stop, i would have safeworded."

you wiggle a little, feeling the sheets on your bare skin. "and the pain....it was good. its still good. I like the fact that im gonna feel it tomorrow. reminds me of you being in control of me. makes me feel like yours. the marks are good too. i like everything about what we did, even the fact that it stings like a bitch. because it was you who did it."

he lifts his head. he looks more calm now. less self depriacting. his curls hang around his face in a halo, framing it. hes chewing his bottom lip, running his teeth over it. "you promise?" you feel his thumbs rubbing circles at your sides, just above the dips in your hips. "you really liked it?"

you smile at him, big and genuine. "i really, really liked it."

he smiles back, a little small and tentative. he leans down and kisses between the crevice of your chest. "would you hate me if i said i wanted to wait awhile before we do anything like that again?" he brings his nose to yours, brushing them, "i believe you and everything, and i- well i think its pretty obvious i enjoyed myself. i just. need to take a minute to wrap my head around that.. part of our dynamic. i wanna do it again when im more......secure about it. If that's okay."

you love him so fucking much your chest wants to burst with it.

you kiss him, sigh happily into his plush mouth when he kisses you back. "sure, eds." you tell him, "take as long as you need." you run your hands down his back, "im happy with anything we do."

he kisses your nose, your lips, your jaw, in quick succession, and then hes sitting up. "i hope you're happy with being spoiled rotten. like. annoyingly so." he pats your hip, "roll back over for me?"

you do, settling on your tummy and sighing when you feel his warm and gentle palms on your sensitive ass again, kneading the globes. you loooooove his habds. "oh, im sooooo mistreated." you say sarcastically, wiggling your butt. "being spoiled, my god, how awful."

you squeal when he pinches your waist. "okay, brat." he says, "m'starting to remember why it was so easy to spank you."

you giggle, hugging a pillow to your chest as eddie goes back to applying the cooling lotion to your enflamed flesh.

his voice is serious again when he says, "i think i like this part the best." he spreads the gel around until it soaks in nicely. "when we do it again....this will always be my favorite part. taking care of you." you feel him press a kiss at the base of your spine. "you're kinda the love of my life. or something."

you smile into the pillow. "me too. or something."