#but im doing alright now and im also more open and less anxious

[domesticated-whores]

damn, I'm falling too hard in love with an irl man... that isn't very genderqueer introvert fandom girlie of me...

[brandoscomet]

Hey, feel free to ignore this one if you want! Its a little specific. In short, its kind of a platonic Startdust Crusaders x reader type thing?

Jotaros younger sister is a powerful stand user who is part of the Stardust Crusaders, and bonds quickly with the others.

She is serious but sweet, intelligent but anxious, and exremely perceptive.

You can decide who would fit better for this : Kakyoin or Polnereff. But one night, shes telling him about her thoughts regarding her brother. How shes worried about how much he pushes and isolates himself. How she wants to be there for him and help him. How she knows he deeply cares for her and their mother, but wants him to feel comfortable enough to talk to her when he needs to, and honestly just secretly wants a closer relationship, but has no idea how to go about it. She knows if she tries to bring it up shes either gonna chicken out, or he would just dismiss or dodge the subject. Kak/Pol kind of gives her his thoughtss, a little bit of guidence, a few gentle words to try and help. And Jotaro overhears every word......

Again, no pressure to accept this one! Have a good weekend (also, did you hear the anime for JJBA Part 7 was oficialy announced today???)!

PART 7 I KNOW I KNOWWW AUGHHHH IM SK EXCITEDD!

ALSO! GOOD NEWS! I know I told y’all I’d be grounded, but I paid my own phone bill in its entirety rather than splitting it like I usually do this month, so my mom agreed to let me keep my phone despite everything. I’ll be back on a semi-regular uploading schedule!!!

This was a super cute request!! As an oldest sister of 5, I feel this, lol. Maybe I projected a little bit. Oops!

I picked Kak, because he’s more emotionally mature and intelligent than polnareff. I love the way that the fandom has accepted that Jotaro actually has deeper emotions ugh. I’m such a sucker for guys who feel.

————————————

(PLATONIC) Kakyoin (and Jotaro) x Jotaro’s sister!Reader

You sighed, plopping yourself down on the balcony outside of your hotel room. You let your weary muscles slack and sink into the plush-lined chair, taking in the smell and atmosphere of the night breeze.

You’d had a hard day that day, dealing with not one— but two stand attacks in the span of less than twelve hours. You and the rest of the team were beat. Finally, after hours of fighting tooth and nail to stay on the journey to save your mother, the battle was over. The Crusaders had checked into a hotel and decided it would be best to room you with your brother and Kakyoin, because they figured that that arrangement would mean the least amount of chaos for you.

It was late that night. Everyone in the other room was asleep already, and you were all in your pajamas and ready for sleep by that point.

But instead, basking in the moonlight on the balcony, you replayed that day’s events, recounting in your mind how your brother, the stoic and tough Jotaro, had flipped out on you and raised his voice at you when you unintentionally alerted one of the stand users to where you were. A frown pulled at the corners of your lips.

Lost in thought, you didn’t hear the sliding glass door open, or Kakyoin’s footsteps as he approached where you were sitting.

“Hey, Y/N.” He began. Upon seeing you pensive and lost in thought, though, concern seeped into his mind. “It’s unusual for you to be all by yourself like this. Is everything alright?”

You snapped back into reality, looking up at your magenta-haired friend. “Yeah, Kakyoin, sorry. I’m just— a little bugged.”

“Oh,” He replied. Although he was more emotionally intelligent than the rest of the group, he didn’t have any friends growing up, so he was hesitant and unsure when it came to providing emotional support. But he figured there was no better time to figure that out than right now.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He questioned. “Or would you rather me go back inside and leave you to think?”

“No, no. I need to get this out, I think. Jotaro’s frustrating me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother and all, but I just feel like he’s….. emotionally constipated. Does that make sense?”

Kakyoin chuckled a little, seating himself in the chair across from you. “Yeah, I see what you mean. What bothers you about that?” He asked.

You sighed, crossing your legs and resting your elbow on the arm of the chair, laying your head in your hand. “I’m worried about him. When he’s frustrated, or scared, or sad, or anything, he either lashes out verbally or completely shuts his emotions down. He isolates himself, and I just wish he’d be more open. I feel like he doesn’t trust me or something, even though I know that’s not the case. I don’t understand why he won’t talk to me.” You lamented, rambling a bit.

There was a pause, and Kakyoin thought for a second.

Then, “I think he’s just nervous.”

You tilted your head, lifting it out of your hand and laying your arm down flat, you sat straight up. “Huh?”

Kakyoin continued. “He’s your older brother. He’s the ‘tough guy’ of the group— the ‘tough guy’ of your family. Especially with your father out on trips all the time. He probably doesn’t want to let that down, you know what I mean?”

You squinted your eyes a bit, pondering on his words. “Go on….”

“He has to be the ‘man of the house’ with your dad on tour. He probably just wants to seem like he has everything under control. Like nothing can phase him. To ‘protect’ you and your mom, in a sense. He wants you two to think he has weaknesses, because that’d make you two worry about him. But he doesn’t think you and your mom should worry, he feels like all the worrying should be on him. It’s a complex a lot of older siblings have.” He explained.

The two of you sat in silence for a minute, thinking to yourselves together.

“Wow. Now that you mention that, it makes a lot of sense. I never thought our dad’s frequent absences really affected him, but I never considered that.” You said.

Kakyoin looked at you, his gaze softening. “Jotaro cares a lot about you, and a lot about your mom. He’d do anything to keep you two safe— I’ve seen it myself. I’m sure you know this already, but he loves you and your mom more than anything. You’re his family. No ‘tough guy’ persona could hide that.”

You turned your head away, looking down at the street below, thinking again. “So what do I do?”

Kakyoin looked at you, a puzzled expression on his face. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, how do I get him to be more open? To feel comfortable talking, to know that it’s okay to feel those things?”

“You tell him.” He said, shrugging. “There’s not really any other way to let him know. You just have to find the right moment.”

You hummed in agreement. “I just wish I didn’t have to, you know? I wish he just, like, knew. That it’s okay to have feelings and emotions other than anger and nonchalance.”

Kakyoin laughed again, a gentle sound. “Yeah. He seems to have a lot of stuff bottled up. He told me about some of it earlier, after the second attack.” He lowered his voice, his eyes shifting, his tone changing to something more sympathetic. “Don’t tell him I told you this, but he was really worried about you earlier. He felt bad about yelling at you. He just wants to keep you safe. He feels like you and his mom are all he really has, and he panics when you’re in danger. He just doesn’t know how to express that aside from getting upset.”

Upon hearing that, you felt bad. You had been angry at Jotaro for being mad at you, but he really just wanted to show you he cared. You let out a groan. “Uugghh, Kakyoin, I feel so stupid now. It’s so obvious when you explain it like that.”

“I mean, it’s not obvious to you. I think I’m just picking up on it because I’m an outsider in the situation. You live with him, so you assume he’s just doing what he does and being a jerk. It makes sense that you wouldn’t see it.”

Suddenly, you froze in absolute terror. Your eyes went wide, and they slowly turned to Kakyoin.

Worried, the magenta-haired boy turned around, assuming something was behind him.

There stood Jotaro. Kakyoin had left the sliding glass door open, and Jotaro had heard everything. Everything.

He grumbled, stepping out onto the balcony, pulling his hat over his face. Kakyoin excused himself, walking past Jotaro and going back inside to allow you and your brother to have your fun sibling bonding moment together.

Jotaro didn’t sit, rather opting to walk over and stand next to the chair Kakyoin had occupied.

“I’m sorry about blowing up at you earlier.” He said, his voice gruff from exhaustion. He sucked in a big breath, and then exhaled. He stood for a second, as if getting the words out was physically taxing on him.

“It freaks me out when you get hurt. It’s—“ he sighed again, not used to talking about his feelings. Not knowing what to say.

“It’s scary.” He finally admitted. “We’re on this journey so we don’t lose mom.”

A pause.

“The possibility that I could lose you in the process is scary.”

That thought hadn’t occurred to you yet. I mean, how could you have? You didn’t have to worry about losing Jotaro, since he was so independent and powerful and all. You didn’t think about how he could have to worry about losing the both of you on this journey.

“Kakyoin was right.” He continued. “And you were right. To be upset at me for yelling. I’m sorry.”

You were still looking at him, surprised at what he was saying.

Too tired to say anything smart, you simply stood up and walked over to him. You opened your arms and wrapped them around him.

“It’s okay, Jotaro. Thanks for the apology.” Letting go of him, you scratched the side of your head nervously, looking away a little bit. “You know you can talk to me, right? I’m your sister. I’m here for you just as much as you’re here for me, y’know. You don’t have to hide how you feel just so you look strong.”

He contemplated for a second. “Yeah. I’ll work on that. Thanks, Y/N.”

Though it wasn’t much, this was a big step for him, and you knew that. He didn’t have much to say, but he’d find the words when he needed them. And he’d find you when he needed to let them out.

“And I’ll work on not getting myself into trouble so often.” You said. “I’m sorry for worrying you so much, I know things have been tough for you because you’ve been worried about mom, but also me, too. I promise I’ll be more careful from now on.”

He cracked a small smile, letting out a low chuckle and putting his big hand on your head, ruffling your hair. “Yeah, you really need to get better at that. I have no idea how I’m related to someone so accident-prone. You probably got it from the old man.”

You groaned sarcastically. “I’m not nearly as bad as grandpa. He’s been in, like, 3 plane crashes already. There’s no way you’re telling me I’m as bad as him.”

He rolled his eyes, still smiling subtly. “Sure. Whatever you say, Y/N.” He said, turning to go back inside. “You should get some sleep. We’re leaving early tomorrow.”

“Uh oh, moment’s over. Bossy Jotaro is back.” You said, poking fun at his change of attitude.

“Good grief.” He mumbled, a small upturn at the corner of his mouth.

And with that, Jotaro walked inside and shut the door behind him. The relief of letting his feelings out muddled with the exhaustion in his bones made him crawl straight into bed. Even though he was tired, there was a smile still on his face. Even if it was difficult for him, he was glad he got to let things hang out in the open. He decided he’d be more open with his family more often, and he was glad to know that he had support, too.

————————————

[blackvail22]

i have to write down what im gonna say to my counselor because i genuinely have to make sure i have all of my thoughts straightened out so i dont blank like i always do

ok

my sister moved out on friday and saturday. it feels easier than last time, but it still doesnt feel right. like, i look at my clock when it's almost 4 and i think "oh, my brother will be home soon" and then it reaches 5 and im like "oh, my sister will be home soon" but they never arrive. its a sad realization every time but... yeah. i hung out with my sister and her friend on friday when my sister started moving. her friends personality is very... big, loud, but she can't help it so i dont mind it. my mood went from reserved -> opening up -> starting to be myself -> shut down. like, i was fine until i jokingly said "you have friends?" to my brother, when i know that he does..., and he said "i have more than you" and then he said that my online friends dont count. which, sure... i dont leave my house to see and hang out with them, but they're still friends; i still hang out with them somehow. idk, it just made me feel like .... idk what the word is.... it was just on the spot, and the way everyone was looking at me.. its like i was scared. not like anxiety-scared, but scared-scared. i dont really know why, though? i mean, actually.... i do have a bf and it kinda felt like they were invalidating that (even though they dont know about it and actually only .... hmm.... a few people know aobut it but i digress) but other than that, i dont really get it? it felt like they thought i was just being overdramatic when i said "they dont really hang out with me though" . ANYWAY yeah, i felt sad after that and like my walls went up too. on saturday i dont remember anything significant happening.. ijust remember i worked that day. i worked sunday too. after work on sunday, i have a lot of time because i had an early shift. i started to clean up all of the clothes i have everywhere. i mean, i guess i did alright, but my room still isnt clean somehow so. oh, also late that night i tried moving my bed into my sisters old room and i couldnt drag it like i could my other mattresses because theres a protector on it, so i got my bed, like, stuck and i slept on the floor of my sisters old room LOL it was kinda nice though. monday my brother got the bed in the room and it was nice. i put my desk in this room too. i dont have many of my things in here. i like how little things r in here. sometimes when i have too much stuff in a space i feel like so.... panicked. idk. i like how empty it feels in here. i might never put the rest of my stuff in here lol. uhh and then tuesday (yesterday) i worked as usual. i was talking with my old coworker though about life n stuff and she mentioned how she was looking for a roommate for when she rents and appartment and i offered to be her roommate so thats something now. i havent told anyone else about it because i feel like my mom and dad would be like pissed off which.... doesnt make a lot of sense to me because im less than 3 weeks away from being 18 and i told her i wouldnt rlly be able to move in until early september because of my surgery but anyway.... it makes me anxious to think aobut anyway because i dont have a license UHHH so ... itll be so hard getting to and from my appts and going to and from work. so thats kinda stresful but yeah that was my week. so much to talk about!!!

i stg me talking abt all of this is going to leave me with 45+ minutes to fill because all of this is like nothing LOLLLl

[l0ves1ckf0ol]

SLEEP

genre :: fluff

pairing :: gn!reader x lord morpheus

summary :: reader has trouble sleeping & morpheus helps them relax. (this is very short but im rlly into sandman atm so prolly more fics to come cus theyre all hot)

sleep is often seen as an escape from reality, the rest from living a life of burden and joy all the same. dreams aid sleepers to feel at rest when they close your eyes. with no sight and consciousness, they are vulnerable, dreams help people to not feel vulnerable as they do.

you were in dire need of sleep and as much as you want orpheus to put you to sleep, you'd think it was a way of selfishness to use his gift for you. so there you were, on the bed that you share with him, facing the ceiling and a thousand thoughts circling inside your head, his arms already wrapped around your waist and his head buried on your neck. you often compared him to a black cat, he always looked like he swallowed lemons or in the constant edge of crying. you often found it a bit sad that he does something really immoral out of spite. his voice especially, always dark and broody. though despite his terrifying front, he always found comfort when he was with you and sometimes never admitted it when you teased him about it. so his style of giving affection to you was, silent, comforting and peaceful.

you turn around to face orpheus, you knew he was always somehow- half asleep. he gets a decent amount of rest and would be able to stop an arrow from hitting him in his sleep. "morpheous?"

he only hummed a response, eyes still closed. "may you please do that... that thing again when you put me to sleep? only slowly though, make it feel like im actually sleeping instead of getting lured into it by the king of dreams himself." you mutter lazily, morpheus slowly opens his eyes. "i knew you'd give up sooner." he says teasingly, you gave him a frown, "get on with it, and while talking to me, please." you mumble as you got comfortable on the mattress, tucking yourself in with the blanket.

he manages a lazy yet teasing smile, "so much demands, i thought you said that using my powers for you to sleep is selfish of you?" he says. you scoff, about to turn your back from him. but he grabs your shoulder for you to remain still, "i never said no, love." he whispers as he grabs his pouch from his bedside table and poured a small amount of sand on his hand and blew it towards you. the sand almost instantly floating and forming a halo around your forehead. he puts his pouch back on the surface beside him and return to lay next to you, "how long 'till i sleep?" you ask him.

"a minute, i'm sure." he replies, "in the meantime, how are you with lucienne in the library?" you smile softly, feeling your mind suddenly relax and your body less tense, "lucienne told me i'm the sunshine in the dreaming. i thought it was silly at first but now that i thought of it, it makes a lot of sense." you said as he nodded, "it does make sense, no? sometimes the sunshine also needs sleep and rest by the end of the day." he stated, you were completely mesmirized by his voice- it was alluring. his eyes were softened and his lips were curled into a smile, but then he was back to his normal broody face- as if he had a thought. "ever since i returned from being captured and you were always awake at night. why is that?" morpheus questions, tone filled with concern. "i know it's a bit stupid that an assistant librarian is worried for the all-mighty lord morpheus, so i... i think i'm just anxious beacuse you could get taken away in the next minute or in the next second and i-"

"shhhh, everything is alright, i always find a way back to you- back to the dreaming." he assures you, placing a peck on your cheek, at that moment you felt your eyes and your energy betraying your will to stay up. "just please don't leave..." you whisper as finally you were sunken into the deep devices of morpheus' spell. "i won't, don't you worry." he mumbles as he cuddled you closer with his arms around your waist, falling asleep as well.

[poisonedapples]

Patton’s Home For Traumatized Kids - Chapter Four

Self Care Day

Chapter Summary: Roman finally relaxes, and Virgil attempts to help.

First Chapter Previous Chapter Story Masterlist

Warnings: Anxiety, panic, mentions of past trauma and abuse, very minor self-injury (rubbing a little too hard with a loofah), food, and swearing

Chapter Word Count: 6,174

Taglist: @shade-romeo, @grayson-22, @pixelated-pineapple, @acrobaticcatfeline, @astrozei, @edupunkn00b, @princey-7258, @eternalmoonlight19, @remy-the-lemon-berry, @look-ma-im-on-tv, @mariniacipher, @bigwendymonster, @nonbinary-octopus

Notes: Thank you to Cornybird on Ao3 for betareading the chapter! You’re amazing and I appreciate you <3

It was one in the morning, and Roman was next to his bed pacing in circles so fast he was getting dizzy. It was officially the weekend and he was supposed to relax, but instead his mind was rushing a mile a minute and tormenting him. He was restless and exhausted, anxious and on the brink of tears, and Roman didn’t know what to do. He just wanted it to stop.

His head was spinning from all the pacing, so Roman sat on the foot of his bed and aggressively bounced his leg instead. He felt out of control, like danger was all around him and there was nothing to stop it. He felt like his heart was in his throat, sweat dripping down his face and making it hard to breathe. Roman gripped at his hair with both hands, physically recoiling at the feeling of grease and grime and-

…Oh. Wait. It made sense now. Roman hadn’t showered in a week.

He let out a deep breath, calming a little after finding a solution to his problem. He should’ve guessed, feeling dirty always made him anxious and stressed. He hadn’t had the energy to shower, but he was at a point where he had to force himself. If he didn’t, Roman would collapse from the stress.

He picked up his phone to look at the time again. 1:28 am, possibly the worst timing to sneak into the bathroom and try to shower without waking the house up. But he couldn’t wait any longer. He was exhausted and his brain was rushing through hundreds of thoughts. He needed some hot water to calm down.

Roman took the security bar off his door and slowly stepped into the hallway. He didn’t bother grabbing clothes to change into; his pajamas were clean and he could slip back into them after drying himself off well enough. He carefully turned the knob of the bathroom and snuck himself in.

It was very quiet in the house so early in the morning. Usually when Roman was in the bathroom, he could hear the TV downstairs or people talking outside the door, but now the only noise was the sound of his breathing and a slight buzz from the bathroom light. Roman stepped on the toilet to check for cameras inside of a vent high on the wall. Frustratingly, he found nothing. Patton’s camera-hiding ability was getting very annoying.

Regardless, he checked in the drawers and around the walls as well, flipping over shampoo bottles and toothbrushes just in case. He didn’t find anything, and Roman wanted to yell. Instead, he settled for clenching his fists and trying to move on with his task.

Fortunately, the shower had an opaque curtain that could make it harder for a camera to see, and Roman felt satisfied with that. Once he figured out how the shower worked and memorized where things were placed, Roman could also go back to showering in the dark again. He’d manage.

Roman wrapped himself in a towel in order to take his clothes off, folding them neatly on the toilet so that any water falling on the ground wouldn’t drench them. He skipped turning on the vent fan so he’d be quieter, stepping into the shower and tossing the towel outside the curtain on the floor for later. His legs clamped together subconsciously as he turned on the water.

Roman felt his shoulders relax a little when the hot water hit him. It helped the grease on his face and hair feel less gross, but the heat was also relaxing. He hugged himself and let the water fall down his face for a while.

…This is weird, Roman eventually thought, interrupting the rare silence in his head. He hadn’t felt this relaxed since he left the hospital. He thought after the trial that he’d be living on cloud nine for the rest of eternity, but the opposite was happening. His past and current situation was hitting him like a brick, filling him with constant anxiety and paranoia over the smallest things. It was getting unbearable.

Roman grabbed a shampoo bottle and squirted some out, slowly rubbing it into his hair and sighing. He was probably so on edge because he still hadn’t figured out Patton’s patterns. With his dad, Roman had lived with him for so long, he could guess his feelings by just a ten second conversation. He had detailed methods to work around him, how to sneak out of the house without getting noticed by cameras and how to delay the inevitable. But Roman didn’t know what Patton was thinking, what he even really wanted. Whatever it was certainly couldn’t be good, but at least if Roman knew, he could work around it. But here, there was no such luxury.

He stood back under the shower stream and felt the grease get cleaned out of his hair. Roman needed to change that uncertain feeling as soon as possible. He probably wasn’t going to sleep tonight anyway, so he could use this time to sneak around the house and at least find a hiding spot. At Roman’s old house, he had a little nook in a broken cabinet downstairs that his dad never opened, and he never found out where Roman’s hiding spot was. Patton didn’t have a basement, but maybe he had some place Roman could fit where Patton couldn't find him. It’d help him feel better if he found somewhere.

Roman ran his hands through his hair to check for extra suds and considered his hair clean now. Thank the heavens, there was nothing worse than feeling gross and exposed. Roman grabbed a bottle of body wash to clean the rest of himself next.

This was the tricky part. Roman had a habit of scrubbing too hard, and his aunt had a very long talk with him last time he came out of the shower redder than a lobster. He didn’t want Patton asking questions, so he had to watch himself. He couldn’t afford a spiral.

He poured some of the body wash on a loofah and tried to gently scrub. He didn’t realize how gross he felt, no wonder he was having panic attacks left and right. He was covered in grease and sweat and dirt that wasn’t even being rinsed, and Roman was getting more grossed out at the thought the more he realized. He really needed to start showering daily again, his hair was so thick and oily and teenager sweat stink smelled so bad, he couldn’t afford to miss a day-

…Shit, fuck, hang on, Roman thought, pulling away the loofah from his leg to observe the damage. He’d only realized what he was doing when he started to feel a stinging burn, looking away to see pink skin. Thankfully, he’d caught himself early enough where he’d be alright. He scooped some suds from the loofah onto his hand and gently rubbed the rest of the area so it wouldn’t be irritated, careful to focus on his movements from then on so it wouldn’t happen again.

He eventually finished without any further issues, rinsing off his body and turning off the shower. Roman dried most of himself as he stood in the shower, grabbing the towel off the floor and aggressively drying his hair with it. Usually he’d dry his hair with a hair dryer, but that would be too loud, so he settled with having a fluffy dog on his head for the night. Once he was dry enough, he grabbed his boxers and shirt to put on in the shower before stepping out to put back on his sweatpants. Despite the steam in the bathroom making it hard to breathe, Roman felt much better than before.

He turned off the light before he opened the bathroom door, stepping into the dark hallway wondering where to go. He still wasn’t tired, so he might as well look for that hiding spot. But where could he hide?

He slowly made his way downstairs, wincing every time a floorboard under him squeaked. The TV stand was an awful place since it was full of wires and CD cases, and behind the couch was far too obvious for a hiding spot. The entire kitchen was off limits since Patton spent most of his time there, he’d find Roman easily if he was hiding nearby. There was a small bathroom down here that barely fit a toilet and a sink, so maybe that could work?

Roman opened the bathroom door and looked inside, immediately becoming discouraged. There was no cabinet under the sink and everything was visible the moment you walked in, so that was a bust. He closed the door and looked around again.

The dining room off to the side of the kitchen was mostly bare, and hiding under the table wouldn’t work. Roman made a circle back to the stairs and looked around with his hands on his hips.

Suddenly, his eye was caught by a glass case display next to the stairs and it dawned on him. Underneath the stairs was a slight opening, but still too big to be a good hiding spot. But the display was pointed at a diagonal from the stairs, leaving a triangle opening that you couldn’t see by looking underneath the steps. Roman crawled under the stairs to see if he could fit in the hole.

It was a little cramped, but the cramped spots were always the best places. The only downside was that Roman was still visible from looking under the stairs, leaving his pants and shoes visible to anyone who could be looking for him. However, if he could get a box and paint it the same black color as the back of the glass display, he could rest on top of it and no one could see him. It could work!

Roman crawled out from the other end of the stairs and smiled. If he was quick and sneaky, he could hide under here and stay hidden for hours. Now he just needed a box he could paint black.

Roman opened the downstairs closet and looked inside, moving jackets and shoes around to look for what he needed. Nothing.

He walked into the kitchen to open the garage door and look inside, searching for any online shopping boxes Patton was planning to toss out. Nothing. Maybe he should sneak outside and check the recycling bin really quick-

“Roman?”

Roman froze like a deer in headlights at the sound of that voice. It was Patton, he didn’t need to look behind him to know that. To Patton, it must look like Roman was trying to sneak out through the garage door. He felt his breath stop.

“Roman, come back here. Right now.” Yeah, that was definitely what Patton thought was going on. His voice wasn’t angry, but it was firm and demanding, the voice a parent puts on when they refuse to be pushed around by you. If Roman didn’t think fast, he’d be fucked.

I can’t tell the truth, Roman thought. He can’t know I’m looking for hiding spots. But what can I do? Come on, Roman, make an idea! It’s the one thing you do so often!

…But there was that idea. An idea he used very rarely, but had yet to fail him.

Okay then, he decided, it’s go time. Lights, camera, action.

“Roman, I’m not joking. Come here.”

Roman deliberately ignored him, instead slowly closing the garage door and fumbling with the knob like he was stuck in a task. He kept his movements delayed and repetitive, just like people always told him he acted like in the stories.

Patton hesitated, like Roman’s reaction had confused him. “Roman, now.”

“Wait, wait, wait a minute.” Roman mumbled. “It’s gotta break.”

“…What’s gotta break?”

Roman opened the door and stood there looking out at the garage. He didn’t respond to Patton’s question, instead he stood there without moving. He heard Patton step closer.

“Roman?” He asked, his voice becoming softer as he realized what was happening. “Are you awake?”

“That’s a lot off.”

Roman could see Patton smile in the corner of his eye. His plan was a success. “I think you need to go to bed, kiddo. You can break things tomorrow.”

Patton took a hold of Roman’s hand, a grip that was so gentle it was less of a grip and more of Patton holding the tips of his fingers. Roman tensed his toes to prevent himself from jerking away from the touch, letting Patton lead him back up the stairs and to his bedroom. Patton went slowly so as to not lose Roman behind him, but he eventually led Roman back to bed while Roman kept up his sleepwalking ruse. It was a trick that always worked on his dad late at night, and it was good to know it worked on Patton too.

Patton brought Roman’s hand to touch the sheets on his own bed, and Roman reacted by slowly crawling back into bed and relaxing. He felt Patton cover him up with the blanket and tried not to squirm away from him.

“Goodnight, sleepy prince.” Patton whispered. Roman heard his footsteps head toward the door before his door slowly clicked closed, leaving Roman back in his room.

Roman waited until the coast was completely clear to jump back up and put the security bar under his door knob again. He was officially stuck in his room for the rest of the night, but at least he felt more in control now. Maybe he could try to sleep now.

Roman shoved his face in his pillow and tried to drift off, breathing deeply to keep his mind from spiraling again.

Yeah. After all he’d been through recently, tomorrow had to be a relaxation day.

***

“So…” Patton said to Roman with a smirk, handing him a plate with pancakes and blueberries during breakfast that morning. “Roman, I didn’t know you were a sleepwalker.”

Virgil and Logan both looked at Roman for his response. Roman feigned surprise. “…How’d you find out?”

“Last night I caught you walking around the house. I also heard the shower running for a while. Strange thing to wake up to!”

Crap, Roman thought, gonna have to remember that for next time. “Well, yes, I sleepwalk when I’m stressed. So, quite often.”

Patton’s smile seemed to drop a little. “Do you always try to sneak out of the house?”

“Sometimes. It’s not very often, though.” That’s what Roman always told adults. In reality, Roman had never heard a sleepwalking story of him trying to sneak out other than the times he was faking it after being caught. He didn’t even think Sleepwalking Roman had figured out how to take the security bar off the door yet, let alone try to walk into the street. But adults didn't need to know that. It was more convenient that way.

“Well, I might have to see about getting some sleepwalk-Roman-proof locks on the door, then. I don’t want you walking into oncoming traffic or something.”

Roman shrugged, taking a bite of his pancakes. “You can try. Can’t guarantee it’ll work, though.”

“Why do you sleepwalk?” Logan asked, leaning in closer to where Roman was sitting. “Do you know?”

“It ran in my family.”

Logan’s eyes lit up. “That’s quite interesting. I don’t know much about the science behind sleepwalking, but perhaps it’d be an interesting topic to research on. Brain functions during sleep can be quite bizarre.”

“You have fun with that, John Darling.” Roman finished the last bite from his pancake and stood up. “However, I have a nice date with the living room TV, so I’ll be busy.”

“…You consider that being busy?” Logan teased.

“Yes. Disney marathons are self care, and you can’t complain because I haven’t had the TV at all since I got here.”

“You do gotta share sometimes, Logan.” Patton mentioned.

Logan huffed. “Fine.”

Virgil stood up from the table to put his dishes away, placing his cup on top of his plate and balancing it. “He’s a little TV hog, some of us also wanna play games, dude.”

“All you have to do is ask!”

“And face confrontation? No way am I- fuck!”

Everyone jumped at Virgil’s sudden loud swear followed by the loud bang of a cup hitting the floor. Virgil’s balancing act showed to be a failure, with orange juice spilt all over the kitchen floor. Virgil stood deathly still and stared at the mess in horror, practically shaking with his knuckles turning white as he clenched at the plate in his hand. Roman cringed, subconsciously scooting as far back in his chair as possible and tensing. All the kids were silent. Virgil looked ready to cry.

“Oops!” Patton’s cheery voice is what broke the tense silence, crouching down at the mess and picking up the dropped cup. He looked it over. “Well, thankfully this cup isn’t glass, so it’s not broken! I’ll put it in the dishwasher and it’ll be okay, an easy fix. Could you get some paper towels and clean this up, kiddo?”

Virgil still seemed shaken, digging his nails into the metal plate and nodding. He slowly moved to grab the paper towels on the counter and drop them to the floor to dry the mess. Logan didn’t seem bothered anymore, but Roman felt himself prepare to book it upstairs in case things went south. But Patton didn’t scream or throw a fit, just put the cup in the dishwasher and stepped back to let Virgil do his thing.

Once Virgil wiped up the mess, he set his plate in the dishwasher and ran upstairs. Roman and Logan both watched helplessly, but Patton just smiled to himself. “I’ll check on him in a second. I think he just needs space now.”

Roman tensed at the idea of Patton checking on Virgil on his own, still not certain what he did to them behind closed doors. Roman put his own dishes away and ran upstairs to his bedroom. He closed the door and locked it like usual, but he didn’t put the security bar under the knob. Instead, he sat against the door and listened for the sound of Patton’s footsteps.

Eventually, the footsteps did come. Roman heard him knock on Virgil’s door and announce himself, asking if he could come in before the door opened. He heard the door softly close again, and that’s when Roman took his chance. He snuck out of his room and crept his way to the door to listen to what was going on. If Virgil was in pain, he could at least hear it.

“-Mad?” Virgil asked, his voice sounding higher and shaky. Roman clenched his fist in preparation.

“Of course not, kiddo,” He heard Patton say, “I’d never be mad at you. It was just a little cup, and everything’s okay.”

“…Sorry I swore, too.”

Patton laughed. “It’s okay. Sometimes it slips out, just don’t make it a habit.” There was a pause for a long moment. Roman felt something ride in his throat when he heard the bed creak a little. “Can I have a hug?”

Roman didn’t hear a verbal response, but Patton didn’t get angry afterwards, so he assumed that Virgil agreed. The bed creaked a little more, but it was silent. Way too silent, and that creaking was making Roman’s skin crawl. He didn’t trust it. He didn’t trust it at all.

Despite his better judgment, Roman swung the door open to catch him. He was breathing heavily and staring daggers, ready to throw a man twice his age across the room, but Roman froze when he processed the reality. Instead of whatever Roman was expecting to find, Patton had Virgil wrapped up in a tight hug as Virgil looked spooked from the sudden intrusion. Roman just stared, wishing more than anything now that he could reverse time. Oops, too soon.

“…Kiddo,” Patton eventually said in a confused tone, “You gotta knock before you enter.”

“…Yeah.” This didn’t make any sense. His dad had never gone this long being nice, so how hadn’t he caught Patton yet? What was he doing differently that made Roman not notice?

Patton rubbed Virgil’s back to help him ease up again. “How about you close the door and give us some privacy, then?”

“…No.” It was a trap. Roman was convinced it was a trap, and he refused to fall for it. He wouldn’t leave Virgil alone with him.

Patton seemed confused. “Why no?”

Roman was shaking. “Because.”

“Roman, I can only help if you tell me why you don’t wanna leave.” Patton’s face was still soft, rubbing Virgil’s back and letting him hide in the crook of Patton’s neck. If he was angry, he wasn’t showing it. “Can you tell me more than because?”

“Because.” Roman kept his voice sharp, remembering Patton’s ‘no yelling’ rule and trying not to push his boundaries more. But there was no way he was telling Patton his plans if he still hadn’t picked up on it.

Instead of exploding at Roman for being a brat, Patton seemed to focus intently and consider his options. Eventually, his eyes widened, and he smiled softly again at Roman. “What if you gave Virgil and I some space, but kept the door open? Would that be easier?”

Roman’s chest felt strange. Heavy, but like electricity was running through him around his heart. “Why do you want space so bad?”

“Because Virgil deserves privacy when he wants it, just like everybody does. Right?”

Roman looked at Virgil, who was peeking out from his hiding spot in Patton’s neck. He looked tired, but that wasn’t the only thing Roman noticed. He looked… Annoyed. Staring right at Roman with a death glare saying do you mind?, and Roman’s heart sank. Fuck.

Without saying a word, Roman ran off with the door still open and locked himself in the bathroom. He sat on the floor and put his head in his hands, still listening carefully for any concerning noises that might come from Virgil’s room, but he knew it was ridiculous. He was being ridiculous.

What the hell was wrong with him recently? He told himself last night he was going to spend today relaxing, instead he was freaking out and speeding up the process until Patton realized Roman knew what he was doing. Maybe that’s why Virgil seemed mad at him. He’s being an idiot and speeding up the inevitable for everyone, taking away the points of ignorant bliss between the horror. Roman should understand that. He was also guilty of wanting to pretend his dad loved him, and he was being a prick. He was going to get everyone in trouble if he kept this up.

Roman went limp on the floor, leaning his head against the door and sighing. He needed to leave them alone for a second and stop freaking out over everything. It seemed like Patton was in a good mood since Roman came along, it’d be bad news to ruin that. He wasn’t going to be the reason Virgil got hurt.

Roman shakily stood up off the bathroom floor and left, making his way downstairs to the TV. Logan still hadn’t turned it on, so he took this as his chance to claim it. He sat on the couch with his knees tucked close and pulled up a streaming service to look for some Disney movies, his eyes lighting up when he found one of his favorites as he switched the language to French and hit play.

He used to watch Beauty and the Beast all the time as a kid. It took place in France, so his mom would always say the movie should be played in French too, and Roman agreed. Now the English version sounded too weird for him to enjoy it the same.

Roman curled into himself as the intro played, the familiar prologue story of the beast’s curse that Roman could recite from memory by now. He slowly moved to rest his head on the couch’s armrest with his arms still wrapped around his own legs, keeping him tightly curled up. Maybe later he could make himself some tea, too.

Roman got through a good portion of the movie without interruptions, up to the point where Belle first came into the castle. Then, Virgil suddenly stood in front of the TV with his arms crossed.

Roman grabbed the remote to pause the movie, taking a moment to respond as his brain tried to remember English again. “What?”

“First off, why are you watching Disney in French?”

“I speak French, next question.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Come with me.”

Roman sat up and raised an eyebrow at Virgil. Virgil didn’t respond, just made his way up the stairs and expected Roman to follow. His curiosity got the better of him, so Roman did what he was told.

When he made his way up the stairs, Virgil was waiting in the doorframe of his bedroom. He motioned for Roman to follow him inside, so Roman did.

When Roman walked inside, Virgil moved to close the door behind them. “Don’t,” Roman warned.

Virgil gave him a look. “Don’t what?”

“Don’t close it. At least, not all the way.”

Virgil didn’t question further, just kept the door cracked open and wandered over to sit on his bed. Roman didn’t follow, just waited for Virgil to tell him what was happening.

“I wanted to talk to you.” Virgil said.

“I gathered.”

“Sleepwalker, huh?” Virgil teased. “That’s a load of shit.”

“I am a sleepwalker. It happens sometimes!”

“I was downstairs the same time you were, dude. You definitely weren’t fucking sleepwalking until Patton caught you.” Virgil smirked as Roman’s face dropped. “I’m impressed by the acting though, not gonna lie.”

Roman tried to think of a convincing lie, but he sighed and gave up, crossing his arms as he looked at the floor. “…Alright, it was an act. But I do sleepwalk. I just…wasn’t sleepwalking at that exact moment. But regardless, what were you doing awake? And why didn’t I see you?”

Virgil shrugged. “I’m a master at hiding. Every time you came around the corner, I just moved. I haven’t been caught by Patton in a long ass time.”

“Did you call me here just to boast then?”

“Nope.” Virgil popped the p, then smirked. “I called you here to teach you how to do the same.”

Roman seemed taken aback. “…Why?”

“You’re struggling a lot, I figured I might be able to put you out of your misery.”

“Wow, how kind.” Roman deadpanned. “I don’t need your help, for the record. I know I haven’t been in the system long, but this isn’t my first rodeo.”

Virgil sighed. “Look, I’m not good with emotional shit, we’ve been over this. But when Logan first came around, I had a lot of chances to help him out and I just didn’t, and it was a dick move that I regret now. I want to do different with you, so don’t think too deep into it and just accept it. Deal?”

“Um…alright?”

Virgil walked past Roman and opened his door all the way again, looking out into the hallway before speaking. “Alright, ready for lesson one?”

Roman thought about it. “…Answer something for me first.”

“Shoot.”

“Are you okay?”

Virgil made a face at him. “What do you mean?”

Roman could feel his chest aching. “You were alone with Patton.”

“Patton’s chill, dude. He hasn’t smacked me once in the two years I’ve been here, which I didn’t know was possible. He was just worried about me after my freak-out, but I’m good.”

“The bed was creaking.”

Virgil seemed confused. “Beds do that when you move on them. There might be a loose joint or something I gotta fix, though.”

Roman wasn’t convinced. “He didn’t do anything at all?”

“Patton’s never laid a hand on me.”

“…That’s not true.”

“Why would I lie about that?”

“So that I won’t be scared so much.”

Virgil sighed and rubbed his palms into his eyes. “Whatever, believe what you want, you’ll get there eventually. You want my help or not?”

“…Yes.”

Virgil stepped out of the room and gestured for Roman to follow him, just going to the hallway in front of Roman’s room. Once Roman moved to stand in Virgil’s doorway, Virgil motioned for him to stop. Roman stayed right where he was.

“Alright, lesson one, making it downstairs without being a loud ass.” Virgil pressed his foot on a specific part of the carpet where the floorboard squeaked underneath. “The upstairs has a lot of squeaky floorboards, no clue why. But there’s a way to dodge it. When leaving my bedroom, you take one step, skip a step, take two steps, turn left, skip a step, take one step, go right, then just don’t step on the first step of the staircase at all, the whole thing squeaks. You can try it if you want.”

Roman’s curiosity got the better of him, so he did what Virgil suggested, keeping his steps close together so his heel was touching his toe and followed Virgil’s pattern. He skipped all the places Virgil told him to and made it to the stairs without squeaking the floor for the first time since he came here.

“I have a pattern for a trip to the bathroom and to the stairs. Our rooms are pretty close together, so your pattern probably wouldn’t be much different than mine.” Virgil put one foot forward and tested the floor methodically, seeing which areas squeaked and which ones didn’t. He slowly made his way to the stairs where he stopped on the second step, seemingly satisfied with himself. “Skip a step, take two steps, skip another one, turn right, skip a step, then one more step. Though your feet are bigger than mine, so your pattern might be different.”

“Awww, you’re a shorty.” Roman teased.

“Shut the fuck up.” Virgil deadpanned. “Okay, next lesson. Follow me.”

Roman followed Virgil down the stairs, noticing the way Virgil stepped down them. He stepped in specific areas on each step and skipped some entirely as he made his way downstairs, effectively making a lot less noise than Roman did just walking normally. Though, Virgil did say he’d been living here for two years, so it’d make sense that he knows all the tricks to get around Patton. Maybe him and this stormy night could be partners in crime.

Virgil motioned for Roman to follow him into the kitchen and around where the garage door was, pointing to a window once Roman caught up to him. “Lesson number two, this window is your best friend.”

“How so?” Roman asked.

“Well, first off, it’ll help you sneak out without getting caught like an idiot. You know, like last night.”

Roman put an offended hand to his chest. “I was not trying to sneak out!”

“What were you doing then?”

“I was looking for something, and no, you don’t get to know what.”

Virgil gave him a look. “Right. Well, for when you do sneak out, this exit is the way to go. Patton has security cameras pointed at the back, front, and garage doors of the house. This is the only window out of the sight of all of them. Then, you sneak your way around the side of the house and go on your merry way until sunrise.”

Roman crossed his arms at Virgil. “And how often do you use this?”

“Like, twice a week.”

“Twice a week!? Not even I sneak out that often!”

Virgil shrugged. “I don’t go far, usually just to the park down the road. I haven’t gotten kidnapped yet, so it’s whatever.”

“You scare me.”

“Good.” Virgil motioned for Roman to follow him again. “Back upstairs.”

Roman scoffed. “We were just there.”

“And we’re going back up there again.” Virgil smirked mercilessly and walked back to the staircase. Roman rolled his eyes, but he was enjoying Virgil’s tips too much to not follow him. He went up the stairs and met with Virgil next to the closet.

Virgil pointed to the closet door. “This thing right here? Lesson number three, this place is your best friend.”

“It already is my best friend. I use all the paints up there.”

“More than that.” Virgil opened the closet door and turned on the light, motioning for Roman to come inside with him. Roman wasn’t very inclined to because of the cramped space, but his curiosity was greater than his fear for once, so he stepped inside and closed the door behind them while Virgil turned on the light.

“The attic makes a great hiding spot. There’s a lot of drawers and small spaces up there where it’s easy to hide. Granted, it’s easy to tell when someone is up there because you can’t pull the stairs back up when you’re in the attic. But that’s where this comes in.” Virgil grabbed a rope off one of the closet shelves. “Tie it around the doorknob and tie the other end to the stairs. No one can open the door if you do that.”

“Sounds like a great way to give away where you’re hiding if no one can open the door.” Roman pointed out.

Virgil shrugged. “Patton doesn’t try very hard. He might test the handle, but he gives up if the door won’t open. He’ll ask you if you’re okay once you leave, though.”

Roman liked his hiding spot better. It was enough in the open that no one would check it, and there was no indication that Roman might be hiding behind the cabinet. This could be a good temporary spot, though. At least until he could get a black box that could support his weight.

Virgil pulled down the stairs to the attic, grabbing the rope and tying its ends to the stairs and doorknob like he described. He then went up into the attic as Roman followed behind. When Roman peeked his head up into the attic, Virgil was crouched beside a box full of Christmas decorations. Roman walked over to where he was.

“Lesson four, keep your mouth shut about this or else.” Virgil reached behind the box into the corner of the room and pulled out a smaller box that had been hidden behind it. When he opened the small one, he let Roman take a good look at what was inside. Granola bars, a container of salted peanuts, water bottles and chip bags. Roman grabbed a granola bar and a water bottle as he gave Virgil a questioning look.

“Having a spot with hidden food just makes me feel better.” Virgil explained. “I’ve never had to use it, Patton feeds us like he’s four grandmas fucking combined. But if you’re hiding up here and you get hungry, I stash it regularly.”

“Does Logan know about all this?” Roman asked, opening his water bottle to take a sip.

Virgil shook his head. “Like I said, I didn’t show Logan jack shit when he first came. And it’s too late now, and it’s not like Logan would ever use it anyway. Lucky son of a bitch never feels the need to hide.”

Roman laughed. “Lucky is one word for it.”

Virgil didn’t respond, just took the container of peanuts and hid the box back in it’s hiding spot. The two ate in silence for a while; a kind of silence that wasn’t awkward or tense, but wasn’t exactly comfortable either. Maybe because Virgil still felt like a stranger to him.

After a while of them both relaxing next to each other, Virgil finally spoke up. “Tell me your trauma and I’ll tell you mine.”

Roman raised an eyebrow at him, “And knowing your trauma benefits me how?”

“You feel a little less alone. Also solidarity and shit.”

Roman rolled his eyes. “Well, I’m not spilling. Share whatever you want, but it won’t be reciprocated.”

“Can’t say I didn’t try.” Virgil ate a mouthful of peanuts. “I have a theory, you know. Less of a theory and more of the truth, but still. Patton purposely fosters abused kids.”

Roman snorted. “Sounds about right. Easy targets.”

“I think it’s more about him wanting to help us.”

“Believe whatever you want, Hot Topic.”

Virgil smirked. “Hot Topic?”

“Am I wrong?”

Virgil rolled his eyes, but he still smiled a little. “Whatever.”

They didn’t talk much after that, only enjoying the silence together in their own world trapped away in the attic. It wasn’t exactly Roman’s plan, but he still felt safe. He sipped on his water and thought a lot about Virgil’s lessons, trying to ensure they were deep in his memory. But he didn’t need them now. Instead, he sat in the corner of the attic, comforted by the knowledge of the door being locked underneath them, with a silent acquaintance a good distance from him.

It wasn’t the self-care day Roman had planned, but he wasn’t complaining. It worked.

[writingsoftheghost]

Oblivious

Analogince get together story

Logan and Roman had been together for awhile, and they loved their relationship. But...when Virgil started joining the group more and more, the pair couldn’t help but let their attention wander.

It’s not that they loved each other any less, they just...both liked Virgil too. Roman felt bad about it, that is until Logan brought it up.

“I’m sorry!” Roman cries, “I didn’t mean to-”

Logan holds up a hand, “I’m not angry, Roman. Quite the opposite, actually, I’ve also found myself”-he coughs slightly, a red tint dusting across his cheeks- “Captivated by Virgil.”

Roman grins, “Really?”

“Yes, I have to say I find him quite endearing. Do you think it’s at all possible for him to engage in a romantic relationship with us?” He cocks his head to the side, a thoughtful scowl on his face.

Roman nods excitedly, “Oh, I think it’s possible.”

***

Virgil was sitting on the couch, when Roman decided to strike first.

“Hey, Hot Topic.” Roman plops down next to Virgil on the couch, closer than he’d ever sat before.

Virgil looks up from his phone for a second rolling his eyes slightly, “Aw, you think I’m hot.” 

“Mm-hmm,” Roman nods. Virgil nearly chokes. “What are you up to?” The prince continues smoothly.

“I...um-nothing?” The anxious side answers. 

“Well, that doesn’t sound very fun,” Roman purses his lips in a half pout, “What do you say we watch a movie?

Virgil shrugs, beginning to regain his composure, “Yeah, that sounds good.”

Roman nods, he looks at Virgil for way too long and the anxious side can feel his face heating up again, “Why don’t you choose a movie?”

Virgil shrugs, “You can pick, we should invite Logan, though.” He’s hoping he doesn’t come across as desperate as he actually is. He knows bringing the prince’s boyfriend into the mix would take most attention away from him.

“That’s a lovely idea, I’m sure he’d love to join us.” Roman disappears for a brief period of time, returning with a smiling Logan.

“Hello, Virgil. How are you?” He smiles at Virgil warmly. 

“Good. Do you want to pick the movie?”

Logan hums, “Roman and I would rather have you pick.”

Virgil looks at them both strangely, but he picks out a movie, nonetheless.

Twenty minutes into the movie, Virgil notices both Roman and Logan glancing over at him periodically.

He tugs at his sleeves anxiously, had he done something wrong? They were acting weird. 

He wanted to leave the room now, it felt too tense and it was making it hard to focus on the movie.

He makes a small show out of glancing at the clock, “Oh, I should probably get to bed...” He glances at them, hoping he sounds convincing. His heart drops when he sees Logan’s brow furrow.

“You don’t usually go to bed this early, is everything alright?

Virgil tries to mask the massive breath he sucks in, “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I didn’t sleep great last night. I’m gonna try to make up for it tonight.”

Logan’s frown deepens and Roman’s face falls too, nevertheless they let him go.

“Goodnight, Vee,” Roman calls up the stairs, “See you tomorrow.”

The couple turn to each other as soon as they hear the door to Virgil’s room shut.

Time for plan B.

*****

Logan packs a simple lunch pack, he smiles as he makes Virgil’s favorite finger foods. This plan was much more practical, he told himself.

Roman has left to ask Virgil to “hang out” for the day, Logan hopes he’d be able to convince him, he seemed uneasy the other night during their movie. Roman and Logan spent the last day coming up with this plan, as simple as it was, they thought it would work, Virgil preferred things to be simple after all. He and Logan were alike in that regard.

Logan smiles softly at the thought, however, he was quickly pulled back to reality by the sound of Virgil and Roman approaching.

“Im sure you and Logan would have more fun without me,” Virgil was saying.

“Nonsense, Logan and I both wish for you to join us.”

“Unless you really don’t want to,” Logan interrupts the pair as he steps into the living room.

“I...” Virgil’s eyes fall on the basket of food, “What did you two have planned?”

“We were just gonna go have a quiet lunch in the imagination,” Logan explains.

“And you two,” Virgil looks between the couple, confused, “Want me to come with you?”

Logan nods, “We would greatly appreciate your company.”

Virgil takes a deep breath, “Okay, I guess, as long as you’re both sure.” He glances at both of them, searching for any hint of malice or dislike, he felt bad about ruining their alone time, why would they want him to join them?

Roman smiles at him softly, “It’ll be fun, Virgil. The fresh air will be good for you.”

Virgil shrugs, “I don’t need fresh air, Princey.”

Logan grabs their lunch and Roman’s hand, “Are you both ready to go?”

Roman nods enthusiastically, “Been ready for hours! You take forever to make food!”

Logan rolls his eyes, “I like things to be done well, Roman, sometimes that takes a little extra time.”

Roman huffs, “You need anything before we leave, Virge?”

Virgil shrugs, “I don’t know, do I need to bring anything?”

“I wouldn’t think so, I’ve packed and prepared for just about everything that we’d need,” Logan assures.

“Okay,” Virgil mumbles, “‘Guess Im ready.”

“Wonderful!” Before Logan can stop him Roman reaches out and grabs Virgil’s hand.

Virgil flinches, but doesn’t pull away fully, he tries not to let Roman see the look of shock and confusion on his face.

Roman loosens his grip on Virgil’s hand slightly, worried he may have upset him, but then Virgil gives a soft squeeze and then, just like that, they’re holding hands, and Roman is leading the way to the imagination with the biggest smile he thinks he’s ever had.

Logan and Roman had already scouted the area they were going to eat at, a nice open field, perfect for easing a certain side’s parano-vigilance. The field contained a total of six trees, so it wasn’t like there could be anything lurking in the shadows.

Logan laid out a soft blanket, one with a texture that they knew Virgil liked, under the biggest tree.

Virgil sat himself on the edge of the blanket furthest from Logan and Roman. It was a big enough blanket for the distance to be noticeable, it made Logan worry that Virgil didn’t want to be there with them.

He had expected Virgil to be a little suspicious, even a little distant, at least at first, Logan knew this would be strange to him, he doubted the socially distant trait had ever been courted before.

“Virgil?” He asks in a calm tone, “Would you like some juice?” He’d been careful to avoid caffeine, knowing it could potentially highten Virgil’s anxiety.

Virgil shrugs, “I guess.”

Logan takes out the bottle of grape juice and the glasses he’d packed carefully earlier that day. When he offers Virgil a glass, he realizes that either he will have to move, or Virgil will have to move, go bridge the distance across the blanket.

Virgil makes the decision rather quickly, darting over and taking the glass from Logan, “Thank you.” He starts to shuffle back to his corner when Roman stops him.

“Why don’t you sit in the middle, Vee? That way you can reach the food?”

Virgil looks to the ground, “Didn’t want to invade your space.”

Logan frowns when he notices the hesitancy in the other’s voice, as if he isn’t sure he’s wanted. Which Logan couldn’t help but groan internally at, they’d invited him and he still feels like an intruder, anxiety truly was devoid of any logic.

“Virgil,” he holds out his hand towards the other in invitation, “You know we want you here, don’t you?”

Virgil won’t look at him, Logan sighs, “You’re more than welcome, here. We invited you, why would we invite you if we wanted you to just sit by yourself quietly? Hm?”

Virgil shrugs, “Dunno,” he mumbles.

“Is there anything we can do to make you more comfortable, stormcloud?” Roman interjects in a gentle tone, he’s aware of the tension in the way Virgil’s sitting now.

“I’m sorry,” Virgil says shakily, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“It’s alright,” Roman whispers, “You wanna go back? I’m sorry we pressured you to come.”

Virgil shakes his head firmly, “I wanna stay, I just…don’t want to be in the way. It kinda feels like I’m intruding on a date, why was I the only person you invited? You know Patton loves outdoor lunches.”

“We know, Virgil, we just…” Logan looks at Roman, Roman gives a small head shake and Logan sighs, “We just wanted to spend time with you. We didn’t mean to make you feel awkward, we’re sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, I don’t know why I’m being so weird about it, but,” and he slowly slides his hand into Logan’s open one on the blanket, “I think I’ll be okay, now.”

“Are you sure? It really isn’t a problem if you want to go home?” Roman assures.

Virgil nods his head, “Yeah, I’m sure.”

Logan smiles and squeezes his hand softly, they all know Virgil likes physical reassurance sometimes, and they’re glad he’s started accepting, and even asking for it on occasion. Patton has to remind himself constantly that Virgil has to be the one to initiate it, however.

Roman pulls out plates and food from the pack, Virgil tries to give Logan back his hand, but he’s quickly stopped, “Please don’t let go until you’re ready, okay?” Logan smiles at him, “My right hand is fully capable of doing this alone, I promise.”

Roman hands him a plate and asks Virgil what he’d like.

They eat comfortably, Virgil relaxes enough to let go of Logan’s hand, but moves closer to him and Roman anyway. Virgil talks about Halloween coming up and Logan tells him that he’s already put horror movies into the schedule for that month.

When they finish their food they continue to sit there and talk quietly. A soft breeze blowing through the field making the place even more peaceful. They were all enjoying a moment of quiet when…

Hic!

Roman sits up and stares at a blushing Virgil in shock.

The emo side ducks his head, “Shut up, Pri-hic!-ncey,” he says in an attempt at a growl.

Roman smirks, “Is there a problem, Virgil? You seem to be having a bit of trouble.”

Logan giggles, “You don’t need to be embarrassed about the hiccups, Virgil. Everyone gets them.”

“I don’t—hic—have the hiccups!” He grumbles.

Roman laughs and Logan laughs, Virgil glares at them both for a moment, but he can’t hold it for very long before he’s laughing too.

“Stop laughing at me!” He shouts between giggles.

“I don’t think,” Roman wheezes, “I’ve ever seen you hiccup before.”

“Shut—hic—up!” Virgil shoves him off the blanket with a laugh.

Roman sits back on the blanket, “Gosh, you’re adorable.”

Virgil and Logan both freeze, Virgil glancing nervously at Logan, Logan and Roman both looking at him, horrified at the thought that they’d just blown it.

“I—uh—”Virgil is still staring at Logan, a look of fear in his voice. Virgil looks at him, the face of logic not giving him any ideas as to what he’s supposed to do. He shakes his head, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, Virgil,” Logan says softly.

Roman sucks in a harsh breath, understanding the apology as a gentle rejection.

They sit in awkward silence for an eternity.

“Perhaps it’s…time we head back?” Logan suggests in a quiet tone.

Virgil’s heart drops as he decidedly believes Logan hates him now. “Yeah-Yeah, sure.”

They walk back in silence. Virgil stuffs his hands in his pockets to hide their shaking. Roman and Logan keep glancing at him, both taking his silence as a sign of discomfort.

They allow him to go to his room, wincing at the sound of his door shutting softly, not even a slam.

“I ruined it,” Roman whispers sadly.

Logan shakes his head, “We still have a chance, Love.”

Roman shakes his head, “He wouldn’t even look at me.”

“He couldn’t stop looking to me,” Logan whispers back, “I didn’t know what to say, I chose a cowards way out. I fled.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Roman places a hand on his shoulder, “I’m sorry I messed this up.”

“You didn’t mess anything up,” Logan wraps his arms around Roman’s neck and kisses a tear sliding down his cheek. “We should give him some space, we can check back in tomorrow.”

Roman nods and allows Logan to lead him to bed, not really believing any of the logical side’s attempts to reassure him.

*****

Virgil stays in his room through breakfast. Roman liked him. He should be happy! He likes Roman! But…he likes Logan too, and he’d never wanted to get between them like this.

Logan told him it was alright, Virgil took that to mean that he didn’t really blame him, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t upset. He can only imagine the fight he and Roman probably had last night.

Virgil’s heart skips a beat when he thinks about the two of them breaking up.

He didn’t know what he did to ever catch Creativity’s attention but he wished he hadn’t done it. He felt truly awful for doing this to them.

“Kiddo,” there’s a knock at his bedroom door, “You need to eat lunch, it’s almost 1:30.” Patton sounds worried, Virgil hasn’t locked himself in his room like this since he ducked out.

“I’m not hungry, Pat. I’ll eat later.”

Patton frowns, “Virge?” He asks hesitantly. “Is everything okay? You know you can talk to me if you need to?”

“I’m fine, Pops.”

Patton isn’t convinced, “Hey…you don’t have to talk about it, but if you don’t want to be by yourself you can come to my room? Might help to be somewhere else for awhile?”

Virgil sighs, “you sure?”

“Of course.”

Virgil opens the door and Patton gives him a sad smile, “come on, I’ll get you something to eat and some tea.”

Virgil nods, “Thank you.”

Patton sits down on his bed next to Virgil, passing him a sandwich and some chips.

“I messed up,” Virgil whispers as he takes a chip.

Patton looks at him in surprise, “What did you mess up, Virge?”

“Logan and Roman, I messed up their relationship. They’re fighting and it’s all my fault.”

Patton scoots closer, “I didn’t know they were fighting. How is it your fault, honey?”

“I just…I don’t know why, they invited me out to lunch with them, and it…it was weird! But then it wasn’t, and it was nice, but…Roman called me adorable and I…I like him, but he’s Logan’s boyfriend and I never wanted to hurt Logan because I like him too and I just… Logan probably hates me now, and Roman and Logan might break up and it’ll be all my fault and there’s no way I can ever make it up to him!” Virgil’s breathless when he finishes. He doesn’t know when he started crying.

Patton shakes his head, he remembers when Logan and Roman told him they liked Virgil. When Logan had asked him what Virgil’s favorite foods were. How Patton made them both promise they would be patient and gentle with Virgil’s already shot nerves.

He can’t help but be a little upset with them for letting Virgil wallow in this all day. He pushes that feeling aside, and decides to help his three hopeless friends out.

“Virge, I can assure you, Roman and Lo are gonna be just fine. But I think you should go talk to them about this. I think there might’ve been a bit of a mix up.”

Virgil cocks his head, “What do you mean?”

Patton shakes his head again, “They’re not fighting, kiddo. I promise, just go talk to them.”

“But I—”

“Trust me.”

And with that Patton is nudging him towards the door and Virgil’s in the hall.

He glances worriedly back at the father figure.

“They’re in Logan’s room last I saw.” Patton shuts the door.

Virgil feels a slight sting of betrayal at having been abandoned to face the pair alone, but he approaches the door anyway.

He stands there for two and a half minutes before knocking.

“What is it?” Logan calls through the door.

“It’s—um—it’s me, I think maybe I need to—”

The door swings open, “Virgil?”

The logical side looks as if he hasn’t slept well, Roman is standing behind him in a similar state. Virgil can just barely see the whiteboard on the back wall covered in incomprehensible diagrams and cluster graphs.

“Hey…” he gives a weird little half wave for some reason he doesn’t understand.

“Are you…alright?” Roman asks hesitantly.

“Me?” Virgil asks in confusion, “Are you two okay?”

Logan nods, “We’re dreadfully sorry, we didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that, we—”

“I got carried away, Virgil. I’m sorry,” Roman cuts Logan off.

“You couldn’t help yourself, I shouldn’t have chosen such an intimate activity for us,” Logan defends his boyfriend.

“No, this is my fault. I’m the one that put the pressure on him.”

“Love, I should’ve planned for this. I know you can’t help yourself when it comes to your feelings.”

“You can’t plan for everything. I should’ve—”

“Hold on a second!” Virgil interrupts, “Did I miss something? What are you two arguing over?”

“It doesn’t matter, Virgil,” Logan composes himself, “We both apologize for making you uncomfortable. It was not our intention, regardless, we understand if you do not wish to go on anymore dates with us”

Virgil stares at him in complete in total confusion. “Dates?”

Roman’s eyes widen, “Surely you’re aware of what we’ve been doing. We took you to a romantic lunch! We’ve been flirting with you constantly! What did you think was happening?”

Virgil looks at Logan, the logical side gives a small smile and a nod. “I thought,” Virgil starts, “I don’t know, I guess I just thought we were hanging out, and then I guess I thought Roman was hitting on me. I didn’t realize Logan was.”

“So that’s why you acted so upset,” Roman mumbles.

“Ah, I see. My advances are less…direct,” Logan explains sheepishly.

Virgil nods, “Yeah I got that now, but I thought…that I’d ruined your relationship! That I’d broken you up or something! Oh my god I hardly slept at all last night!”

Logan winces sympathetically, “We didn’t either, but we’re very sorry for distressing you.”

“It’s fine,” Virgil shrugs it off. “But you guys…both of you…want to date me?”

“Of course, if you’d allow us,” Logan smiles, “We both find you quite endearing. Would you be willing to let us continue to romance you?”

“Logan, you make it sound so formal,” roman laughs, but he has an excited gleam in his eye, “You wanna date us, Virgil? You can say no, it’s okay, but if the answer is yes we’d both be delighted to have you as our boyfriend.”

Virgil can’t help it, he’s skeptical, this feels too much like something he’d dream up, he looks both of them in the face, hunting for any sign of a joke or a lie. There isn’t any, just encouraging smiles.

“Yeah, I’d…I’d like that a whole lot.”

He’s quickly wrapped in two pairs of arms, happy laughter filling his ears.

—————

@idont-freaking-know @aceawkwardunicorn @cute-and-angsty-princess @emo--nightmaree @a-yeet-bop-bop-boom @me-a-mess-morelikelythanyouthink @katlikethesword @tranquil-space-ninja @book-limerence

[shanitani]

CHAPTER 3: BAD B*TCHES

table of contents

👩🏽‍💻: lol did y’all miss me? im still on hiatus for maybe a good two weeks until summer srry<\3. but to make up for it I made this chapter hella long.

“Damn their water pressure is good.” You mumbled softly, turning off the faucet. The boy had a cleaner bathroom than you had expected, in comparison to the ones in America - he was almost cleaner than yourself. You wiped the fog from the glass admiring your damp face for a moment, fully indulging in the fact that you were really in Japan.  

You slipped on your pajamas, the bottoms hugged at the figure well and unfortunately so did the tank top Mitsuki put out for you. You had no problem wearing it around by yourself, but you had to take into account there was a boy you had never met before living there as well. It didn’t help that Midnight never gave you any descriptions about the boy as well, so it was obvious how high alert you were.

You grabbed your belongings, turning the music down to a soft hum in volume before turning off the bathroom light. The cold air hit your damp warm one before clearing your vision to see the teenage boy you had been wondering about the day you got your acceptance email. You both stared in awe, you took in his muscular arms due to training, the light ruffle of his blonde hair, his mouth fixated in a frown, and his piercing red eyes.

It wasn’t as if he wasn’t looking at you either, your skin glistening under harsh light, your hair lightly tied back with a hair tie, the familiar smell he smelt minutes before now more concentrated and easier to name. He dared not to look at your figure-hugging the waistband of the pajamas, trying to rip his glare away fast enough. He grunts, beginning the doorknob, “You better have had left my bathroom the way you saw it.”

You frowned furring your brows, “Duh I did. And hello to you too.” you scoffed looking down at your phone in an attempt to make the situation less awkward. The blonde boy let out a groaned out “hey” before opening his door, and closing it in the same breath. “Rude ass,” you mumbled under your breath before heading downstairs back to your room. 

“You met him?? TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED” Imani squealed putting her elbows on her crisscrossed legs looking in awe behind the screen. You smiled at her eagerness to know the boy, though you didn’t think he was all that. “Well he’s pretty muscular, um tall, he’s blonde and rude as fuck.” You rolled your eyes at your last sentence as you simultaneously put your belongings in your new backpack for tomorrow.

“Okayyy he could work! You gotta fierce Lil attitude too so it’ll work out fine.” Imani flashed you a smirk - knowing you couldn’t hit her from Japan. “Oh shut up Mani! you know if I was there I’d slap your ass right now.” you pointed your middle finger towards the camera, giving her a nice view of your white acrylic nails. “Exactly why ima act out now rather than next year.” She huffed, turning off her led lights looking back at her best friend. “I’m gonna miss you tomorrow, school’s gonna be so boring.” You whined thinking about the worst scenario known to come. If they were anything like Bakugo, well you were going to be entirely fucked. “I will too. But stop making me sad about it! We gone see each other soon.” Mani kissed the phone foreshadowing a kiss to your cheek, you smiled doing the same motions as her before ending the call and rolling over to fall asleep.

“I better like these people, Nah they better like me....” you shut your eyes, anxious for your first day to start.

The next day came, as Mitsuki dropped you and Bakugou off. You expected him to at the least show you to where you needed to be - but instead he slung his backpack to the side , not giving you a glimpse of attention your way. “One day im gone beat his ass up.” you took a breathe trying to find the dorm rooms, only to be met with a man right in front of you.

“Hi, [L/N] nice to finally meet you.” The tired-looking man shook your hand motioning you into the dorms. “As you know we enroll all students into the dorms for their safety because of accidents that have happened in previous years.” you nodded looking at the huge building with high ceilings and pillars inside. The man showed you around to the necessities like the gym, commons room, the classrooms, and finally to your dorm room. “I forgot to mention, but you probably know me. I’m Aizawa, and I’ll be teaching you along with class 1A. Today we just want you to prepare your dorm room so you can sleep easy tomorrow - I won’t lie to you, it won’t be easy.” he shrugged giving you the keys to your dorm.

You thanked the man before opening the room, as said in the description - the rest of your belongings were stacked to the side of your room along with your mattress to the right of it and a desk to the left. “Might as well put on music.” you thought to yourself, scrolling through the millions of playlists before finally reaching the one you wanted. 

“Yeah, this will take a while.”

Putting on the comforter of the bed, and adding the last of your pictures on the wall; you flopped onto your bed feeling a slight headache arrive. You groaned wiping your forehead, looking out the window to see the sun almost come to a set. “How long do these children work? Seems like their school hours are a whole part-time job.” before you could laugh at your inner joke, you heard the loud door creak open before the kids voiced roamed the hallways.

You shifted uncomfortably on your bed, knowing that they knew you arrived. It wasn’t like you didn’t want to meet them. You just didn’t want to do the same cycle of meeting new friends again - it was a hassle and you were fine with the ones you had in America. You took a deep breath trying to regain your thoughts, “They won’t even know I’m here. It’s alright.” you repeated to yourself trying to make the anxiety slowly creep up disappear. 

“Yeah she’s here now stop asking me about her, you wanna talk to her go right there.” you heard the familiar huffed voice described as Bakugous. You could tell he pointed towards your dorm the way a teenage girl laughed, hearing the footsteps come closer and closer towards your room. “Shit.” you jumped off the bed, fixing your hair making sure to make a good impression no matter who it may be. That’s when the footsteps stopped, and a light knock was met at your door.

you opened the door to a girl squealing, “Hi!” a curly haired girl engulfed you into a hug making you step back giggling at her eagerness, “Hey! your hair smells nice.” you hugged her back, finally stepping back to get a look of her. Her hair was the same color as her skin - pink, that you could only assume was the cause of her quirk. However, she did have black features that made you believe she was Blasian. 

“Mina stop harassing the new girl! it’s only her first day. Hello I’m Momo!” A black haired girl came waving her hand at you, she looked beautiful - you were almost intimidated by her stunning features feeling a tad insecure once side by side. 

“Oh no worries!” you giggled sitting on the edge of your bed motioning for them to come in more. “How’s your first day been?” Mina sat at the other edge of your bed looking at you with huge eyes, “Honestly, kind of boring. also confusing since this place is huge. Way bigger than the schools in America” you motioned towards out your door foreshadowing the commons room.

“America? that’s where you’re from?” Momo chimed in walking towards your desk chair to sit down. You nodded, “Mhm, California.” Mina gasped - “California! You’re so lucky!” you laughed at her bubbly attitude that was a bit similar to your bestfriends at home. “Trust me you wouldn’t want to be there, I’m here for a reason aren’t I” you smirked nudging her shoulder slightly.

“ Wow, How long will you be staying?” “One year.” you shrugged looking off in your dorm window. “Well I hope you love it here, hopefully become a pro.” Momo smiled at you genuinely, and you couldn’t help but fall in love with her persona. Before you could speak again you heard a knock on your door and small murmurs behind your door, Momo opened the door slightly, only hearing a faint “Yall better not embarrass me. I’m serious” before she opened the door all the way to the boys.

“Shut the hell up Momo.” one yellow haired boy lightheartedly says before leaning on your wall and catching your eyes. “Hey! I’m sero and this is Denki. Nice to meet you.” Sero extended his hand to yours to shake, “Wassup Sero, Hi Denki.” you smiled at the other boy.

“Damn, so this is why Bakugo didn’t want to show you off huh.” Denki came closer to you, taking in your features. “Or he just don’t like me” you scoffed thinking about his arrogant characteristics from Sunday. “Well that’s good, less people to compete against.” Denki sat next to you on the edge of your bed fully focused onto you. You smiled taking observations to his flirtatious personality.

No matter Denki giving you his full and undivided attention, Sero caught your eye the moment he walked in the door. You looked Sero up and down, his outfit caught your full attention. He wore the UA uniform required yet paired with grey Jordans and a silver chain dangling from his neck, it was no understatement that he was a very attractive boy. “Why you standing there all quiet, Sero? you obviously came up here for something.” you jokingly stated - trying to start some conversation with the boy.

“Tried to see if you were really what all the hype was about.” He shrugged coming up near you to overpower your figure, your heart raced as he looked down upon you smirking, he knows he fine chile. “They were definitely right.” He smirked looking at you with low eyes.

“Y’all are the most flirtatious boys I know. Swear I can’t take yall no where.” Momo grabbed the two boys by their collard shirts making them groan in displeasure earning a laugh from you - only to make them groan in embarrassement. 

“Bye boys.” you wave them off as Momo literally kicked them out your dorm, before closing it in front of them. “I like you” you pointed to her, making her eyes widen, while her cheeks grew into a blush before smiling. “Now how did you make a better impression than me and I came here first.” Mina flopped onto your bed frowning. “Don’t worry girl I like you too.” you slapped her thigh in a friendly manner.

“Alright you two enough talking, get back to your dorms. You all have a long day tomorrow.” Aizawa yelled through the door with his usual tired voice before shuffling off to his room closing the door. “Guess I’ll see you tommorow [Y/N]!” Mina skipped off towards your door “Yes! see you tomorrow” Momo opened the door looking back once more “Bye boo’s!” you called out before the closed your door.

You turned on your led lights in substitute for the harsh lighting in your dorm, shuffling off into your bed. you looked off onto your wall looking at the pictures you stuck to them, “Damn, I miss you Imani” your hand grazed upon the picture of you and Imani sticking up the middle finger to a flashing camera with your phones in one hand and a red cup in the other - a party you both went to knowing damn well you weren’t supposed to be there.

You turned towards the other way of your bed shutting your eyes - anticipating for the long day ahead of you, and meeting the rest of your class tomorrow morning.

👩🏽‍💻: y’all fw y/n being bisexual orrr? or do y’all want scandals? tell me now😁

Tag list(send me an ask to be apart of it)

@quincywrites, @fandomsgotmefucked , @lokis-teseract , @racistareversa,@ladybakugouu, @melanin-baddie , @oookore , @bnhathotty, @bleach-your-panties , @shikamaruhairline, @dilfhwa ,@winxme

[bookwyrminspiration]

TW// Drugs n such

you asked for it smh, but I've been thinking a lot about that one scene in Neverseen in Exilliums healing tent (or whatever its called)

I had a whole rant here about what the implication of this 'serum' might mean in the lost cities but it kinda spiraled into nothing so I'm cutting it out. (main point was just the mood towards drugs, Shannon has had previous mentions of both alcohol and drunk people, so (though im not saying she should incorporate this into a middle grade book series a t a l l), Id be curious to see her take on drugs, (if they exist and how they effect people and the elven population // how is it treated? Is it looked down upon or even forbidden (why we might only see it in Exillium territories) or is it so normal and inconsequential that its just part of the norm in the lost cities?

but anyway, back to the thing I was originally thinking of - i feel like this is something rarely talked about but pls tell me I'm not the only one who has picked up on how weird Keefe's relationship with sedatives is. It's such a contrast to Sophie, where she's openly opposed to taking any type of sedative he seems to be really open to them, in fact in Unlocked every time he's knocked out by a sedative his language is pretty much always positive, like he really enjoys it. This probably just ties into something you mentioned a while back about Keefe and dealing with stuff by running away but I find it really interesting.

(Sorry if this is an uncomfortable ask to get, I know not everyone is comfortable with drug talk and I hope this Isn't overstepping a line.)

you're fine, don't worry! no lines overstepped. I appreciate you including the warning at the top, even though I'm alright talking with the subject. if there's something I'm uncomfortable with, that's not on you to know or worry about because I haven't shared any of my specific triggers, and the more anxiety-inducing ones are so specific to my personal experiences that I highly doubt they'll ever have any effect on any conversation ever. but I do genuinely appreciate your concern <33

I don't remember specifically what I asked for, but this is a topic I hadn't even realized was so fascinating, so thank you for bringing it up! That scene is kinda funny (as in weird) looking back on it, but Keefe was completely out of it and being a lot more vulnerable than he probably wanted to be due to his state of mind. I think it was intended to mirror something like anesthesia or laughing gas (note: in my brief research trying to find info about the boobrie dude I made a mental comparison between tam and sandor, so I'm just making note of it here so I don't forget), at least as far as Keefe's reaction goes. I think part of this was strategic so that we could get some information and vulnerability (although unwillingly) from Keefe and get that first glimpse of "the boy beneath all that swagger" (paraphrased from Sophie). But that's not what your ask is about so I'll move on before I get even more distracted.

wine, at the very least, exists in the lost cities. we've got fizzleberry wine, which is blamed by some for Caprise Redek's accident. Aside from that we've seen no mention of it, as this is a middle grade series about a young teen girl in a fantasy world, and in a "perfect" world there isn't a lot of talk about recreational substances. And I agree with you! this isn't to say that I think drugs and alcohol should be this huge thing in keeper or that it even needs to be address, just commenting that the attitude the general public has towards substances and intoxication is likely even more severe in the elven world, as has been the pattern with other things. We can tell from Caprise's incident that their wine functions similar if not identical to ours, as it was said to have impaired her motor control and thinking, hence how she fell off that balcony. So I think we could assume that drugs in the Lost Cities would be similar to those in the Forbidden Cities in function. Not in name though, likely named after some strange elven thing. Though if we go with the wine example, Fizzleberry is likely an exact description of what it is--the wine probably fizzes and is made from berries.

the elves highly value the mind, so I anticipate that anything that messes with it past beneficial medicinal uses prescribed by a physician are frowned upon. they think of your mental capacity and capabilities as integral to who you are, and composure as essential. drugs take that away and can impair your reasoning, hence my conclusion they're not well liked. however, I propose that this mindset is mostly those who are very proper, for example Lord Cassius. Dex was more than ready to take concentration serums of his own making--and convinced Sophie to take one (note: dex has almost killed both Sophie and Fitz. that can't be fun to know)--which directly messed with his limbic center. However, as he was raised in an apothecary and is already a little less in line with all other elvin values, I don't think him being an outlier is enough to completely through out my assumption. overall: looked down upon because it messes with the mind and the mind is crucial to elven society, and the way it impairs your thinking would make you a lesser person

and you're right! keefe's relationship with sedative is weird. we have this teenager who grew up without stable supports or a loving family having very little regard for how substances will effect his body, prioritizing the possible--not guaranteed, possible--benefits over all the risks. this is not to say drug use is inherently bad, just that the situation he's in makes me very cautious because he feels more at risk of falling into bad habits. also, your observation about tying that into him running away is very astute! i've talked a lot about him running away from his problems in more ways that physical, and I think this is an excellent example of that

he doesn't like his reality, the world he lives in when he's awake and aware and lucid. it's full of all these problems and people and he doesn't know what to do. but when he's asleep? he doesn't have to deal with any of that. he doesn't have to do anything, but he's also troubled enough and anxious enough that sleep doesn't always come easy, and he can be plagued by nightmares. but those sedatives mess with his mind and not only make him sleep faster and longer, but they can mess with your dreams and alter the reality you experience while asleep. i guess it could be a way of trying to take control of a situation he had very little control over, especially in unlocked when everyone else was trying to fix things without consulting him. with his waking world that bad, of course he's gonna like anything that takes him away from it.

it stands out especially when we switch to him as a narrator and he's praising these things and wanting to be sedated, as we've spent so long in Sophie's head and she's so against them from the trauma she experienced in the first book. that could mean his attitude them is more jarring just because we're used to Sophie and it wouldn't seem as dramatic if we'd switched from say, Fitz's head. but that doesn't mean there's nothing here.

i think i've said it before, but Keefe doesn't have any healthy coping strategies right now that he consistently relies on. his deference towards avoidance and making the problem go away, even if it's just in feeling induced by drugs, is a more extreme example of how he doesn't know how to just exist without hurting.

I jumped around a bit between topics so if I missed something you wanted to talk about more in depth please feel free to send another ask! Keefe's relationship to experiencing reality is fascinating and covers things from denial and refusal to change all the way to drugs and literally altering the way his brain perceives reality. This boy is on a collision course with destruction in both body and mind.

[thegreenmetblue]

STARKER FESTIVAL SUMMER BINGO : 2nd square

not a date

read on ao3

Peter was utterly anxious. To be honest, he’s not even sure anything in his life stressed him more than that. To be fair, he wasn’t expecting this. At all. Let’s go back to earlier in the day. This morning to be more precise.

Peter was lying in his bed, watching some weird videos on YouTube. But it was Saturday morning. It’s what teenagers do on a early Saturday morning (read : at 10 am). Not that the boy was gonna say it out loud but it was either that, either reading fanfictions about Spiderman and Iron Man. But shhh if you ask him, he’d say it’s only for checking how people are describing him.

Anyway, he was watching some hilarious videos Ned has sent him for the last six days when his phone stopped the video in exchange of Tony Stark’s face. Peter’s heart skipped a beat in his chest, like every time Tony’s calling him. “Yes ?”, he answers with a faint voice. Most of the times, he has no issues talking to Tony face to face but god knows why, Peter has still big issues with calls.

“If this isn’t my favorite young adult. Hi, Pete. Im sorry if woke up you. Or maybe not that sorry, it was time to anyway.”, Tony’s voice says in the speaker. Peter’s cheeks redden at that. He doesn’t know the reason of it, but it’s been almost two months Tony stopped calling him a kid. And now he just said young adult, it gives hope to Peter’s poor heart. Maybe Tony stopped seeing him as a kid. Maybe he sees him more as an equal now ? Lost in his thoughts, the boy doesn’t even realize he didn’t answer to the man on the other side of the phone.

“Alright, imma take that as a no. Gosh, I wondered what happened to the boy that was practically begging to have all my attention.”, Tony laughs softly. Again, he just said Peter wasn’t that boy anymore. The boy makes a little shame sound to the man’s comment about his behavior, feeling his cheeks burning even more.

“N-no, im sorry, im here mr. Stark. You didn’t wake me up. And please take that back, I was never asking for you attention, old man.”, Peter shoots back. He loves doing that. He loves talking back to Tony. “Imma pretend I didn’t hear what you just called me. And Im also gonna pretend like you’re not shamelessly lying to me at the moment. Anyway, you have plans tonight ?”, Tony asks, a bit of growling in his voice. This automatically warms Peter’s heart. He’s probably gonna go to Tony’s lab tonight.

Peter was trying not to smile too much when he remembered Tony wasn’t actually there. “No, I don’t have anything. You want me in the lab ?”, the boy asks and immediately regrets his choice of words. want me in the lab. Fuck. He was gonna say sorry to that, but thanks god Tony speaks before he can make it even more awkward. “No actually I was thinking of something a little more fun. What do you say about eating in a fancy restaurant tonight ?”. Peter’s heart doesn’t skip a beat this time, it skips severals. Tony wants- what ?

“What ?”, he lets out, without even realizing it. “Should I take that as a no again ?”. Tony’s voice echoes in Peter’s brain but never gets analyzed. The boy’s still frozen, his phone hanging in his hand, the sound of his beating heart ringing in his ears.

“Peter ? Fri just told me your heartbeats are unsually high, are you okay ?”. And this time, that wakes him up. “Wh-what ? Oh.. no that’s- im okay, it’s just- MJ!”, Peter stutters as an answer. He swears he can hear Tony’s frowning’s expression in the silence that follows.

“I mean, she- MJ, she sent me a funny, a text, it reminded me of something and I huh.. yeah. No, that’s yes.”. Another long silence. that’s a yes. Peter feels like he just answered a proposal. “Yes as in, im free for tonight, mr. Stark.”, Peter finishes, his cheeks burning with shame.

“Great. And Im not gonna question what just happened, alright ? Be ready for 7.”, Tony simply says before hanging up. Just like that. Just like he didn’t just made Peter’s brain completely fry.

“Did Tony just asked me on a date?”, Peter asks himself out loud, alone in his bedroom, his jaw hanging in shook. What the hell ?

That’s how Peter started the most stressful day of his entire life. Exams ? Spiderman ? Thanos ? Forget all of this, he has a freakin’ date with Tony freakin’ Stark, that is the real stressful shit. He spends half of the day walking in his apartment.

Around 3, he starts to panic hard because Tony said fancy. But Peter doesn’t have fancy clothes. He stayed in front of his phone, hesitating to send Tony something about that or no. He doesn’t want Tony to think he only has kid’s clothes. But then, better this than showing up in a fancy restaurant with a pun-sweat right ?

PP : How should I be dressed for tonight ?

Peter finally sends, not asking but hoping Tony’ll understand what he meant. His smile increases when, 6 minutes after, his phone rings.

TS : Happy is gonna drop you a suit at 5.

Peter’s inside catches fire at that. The words sugar daddy are ringing in his ears. Tony is gonna buy him a suit. Just for tonight. For their date. “Oh my god, imma be sick.”, Peter mumbles. His heart has been beating so fast since the call. And he feels like he’s gonna throw up. And he’s also happy. So happy. But- a date ? With Tony Stark ? Peter has been in love with the man for- he can’t even remember. Of course at first it was just a fan crush, then a real crush, then it bloomed into full love. And Peter never thought he could had a chance. But- Peter’s thoughts get cut by the entry door opening.

It’s May. And it’s been 5 hours now that Peter is combusting with impatience all alone in his apartment that he just can’t help himself. As soon as May starts taking to him, he blurts out : “I’ve got a date tonight!”

That’s how the hundreds of questions start. May knows he’s gay. However, May doesn’t know he loves Tony and she definitely doesn’t know the actual date is with Tony. So when she starts asking who he is, Peter realizes it maybe wasn’t the best idea. So after receiving the 5 hugs May felt like she needed to give him for that, the boy sends another text to Tony.

PP : Can we meet at the park next to my building please?

And then, he lets May giving him advices for tonight. “Alright, I get why you won’t tell me. Even if Im a little concerned, I get it. Where is he taking you ?”, she asks, a big smile on her face. “I don’t know actually, he just said it was somewhere fancy.”, Peter answers, trying not to let his smile gets to him too much.

“And how are you gonna get dressed ? You maybe can try some of Ben’s suit ?”. And Peter’s heart warms at that proposition. “It’s alright May, I already have something to wear actually.”

The two next hours aren’t better, they’re worst. May continues giving him advices. For his sakes, Peter swears himself to never use some. Then he takes a shower, the longest he never took. Just in case. He wants all of his skin to smell good for Tony. His cheeks brun at this thought. Are him and Tony gonna.. ? Now his whole body is warming up and Peter can’t help but jerking off at the thought of him and Tony going home tonight and having some fun.

When Happy leaves him a text saying the suit is in the mailbox, the boy sneaks to get it. Once the suit is on him, Peter can’t stop looking at his own reflection in the mirror. It’s a light blue suit and fuck, he does look good in those. His whole skin is shivering because Tony bought it to him. Tony’s money is touching his skin. The boy snorts at his own weird thoughts. But he can’t help it.

A small whine escapes his lips when he realizes there’s still 1h30 before Tony comes to get him. And that’s the absolute worst feeling ever. Peter tries to work, to watch a tv show, to talk with May, to phone MJ or Ned, to build lego, but nothing is able to make the time look less slow. And the more the time passes, the more Peter’s stomach gets stress crushed.

When 7 pm is finally approaching, Peter’s not even sure he can breath anymore. “Peter, hey- Peter, please can you stop ?”, May finally snaps and Peter turns to her, ready to burst at her that she doesn’t know how he feels right now, but she shushes him before he can even start.

“Everything’s gonna go well, angel. But please, you’re gonna faint before you’ll even get there, alright ? You’re handsome my baby, he’s gonna love you.”, May tries to calm him by hugging him. He was about to answer her when the clock beside them shows that 7 pm is in 5 minutes. Peter jumps saying he’s gonna be late and rushes out of the apartment.

He went down the stairs, crossed the street and went to the park in a 1 minute time. His heart is menacing to get out of his chest. And when he finally hears Tony’s voice behind him, his whole body jerks and he turns to the voice.

His heart stops again. Holy fuck, Tony is- he’s god-handsome. Peter’s jaw opens and doesn’t close.

“You’re doing alright Peter ?”, Tony asks, after a few seconds. Peter tries. He tries really hard. But Tony is in front of him, in a grey suit that looks absolutely heavenly hot on him, and they’re going on a date and-

“Peter ?”, this time, he forces himself to answer before Tony decides to leaves him there. “Hum… huh- yeah? Yeah you look good. I- I mean.. Im good! Im doing… good.”. He watches in horror as Tony tries to not laugh at him. “Blue suits you, by the way.”, Tony comments and Peter tries not to blush or smile at that.

Then the older one shows him the car behind them and Peter hurries inside.

“So. Why the park ?”, the man asks after a few seconds. Peter’s brows frown in confusion. “Forget it. Everything alright Pete ? You look… tense. Did something happened while you patrolled ?”. And this time, Peter’s sure he’s blushing. Why can’t he just relax ? Okay it’s a date but it shouldn’t be any different than the rest of the time they spend together.

“Yeah.. Yeah im sorry I was just a bit nervous, you know… I… Im happy you invited me tho! So.. where are we going ?”, the boy tries to show he’s grateful for this. The last thing he wants is Tony thinking he’s not happy about the date.

“It’s an Italian restaurant, my favorite one. You’ll see, everything that’ll get into your mouth tonight will make you fly.”, Tony answers and there’s a silence. Peter’s cheeks burn hot now. Did Tony really said- oh my god. “Im just realizing how it sounds. Maybe not my best choices of words.”, the man laughs. laughs, as if he didn’t created a whole fire in Peter’s body. The boy just prays not to pop up a boner just because of a single sentence.

The rest of the ride is just small talks and when they finally arrive, Peter stays close to Tony, it makes him feel protected. And he likes it. The smile on his face is uncontrollable. He can’t believe he’s on an actual date with Tony Stark. His heart is about to burst from happiness. And the place is stunning, and Tony’s stunning. And Peter sees people watching them and he feels proud. He knows how much people want Tony. But Tony’s there with him.

Once they’re seated, Peter can’t help but stare at Tony who’s in front of him. And the only thing he can think of is that he loves him. But the boy shuts up. Tony didn’t mentioned it being a date yet, and even when he does, Peter can’t just say he loves him already.

When the menu comes, Peter just stare at the Italian names blankly. “I… I don’t understand anything that’s written.” , he murmurs to Tony, a bit ashamed. But the man just fondly snorts in response and translates him the different propositions. But after the explanations, Peter’s still lost as fuck. what the fuck are all of those ?. Tony laughs again, louder this time, noticing Peter’s lost face.

“You know what, I’ll order for you. How does that sound ?”. The boy’s heart stops and he flushes different shades of red at once. Tony is gonna order for him. “That- That sounds good. Im sorry I don’t know what are those.”, Peter finally says. “Hey, none of that Pete. Plus, Im kinda excited for you to try what I’ll pick for you.”, the man says, like it wasn’t making Peter squirm in his chair. Oh my god, he’s gonna die.

To give himself a bit of capacity, he pretends to read the menu once again and pouts noticing the prices aren’t there. Meaning it must be like, super expensive. He knows Tony can pay, and there’s a side of him that likes it. Because it’s easier for him to call Tony Daddy in his head. But there’s also a part of him that hates it because it feels like he can’t complete. May and Peter are kinda broke and Peter would have liked to be able to pay a restaurant to Tony too.

“What’s up with the pout ?”. Shit. “N-Nothing, mr. Stark really. It’s just… you know, I can’t… it’s a fancy restaurant and May and I aren’t…”, he begins but Tony cuts him. “Im stopping you right there, Peter. Im sorry if me picking a fancy restaurant embarrassed you, I should have asked where you wanted to go first. But don’t worry about that, okay ? Im not asking you to pay for anything, I invited you there.”. Peter feels his heart beating hard in his chest. “No, Im really happy to be there, I swear! I just… I just don’t want- I don’t know, forget it.”.

Tony does what Peter asked him, he drops the subject and start talking about Peter’s project in the lab. And that, it allows Peter to relax a bit. Because it suddenly feels like a normal time with Tony. And not a date. Well, a date yes but not an awkward one. And if Peter chokes on his own saliva when Tony orders in fucking italian in front of him, then at least, the man acts like he didn’t see it. And Peter’s happy there’s a table because explaining to Tony why he’s hard right now would have been real awkward.

It becomes a bit more awkward again when the meals arrive. Because Peter gets aroused by how good the food Tony picked for him is. Because Tony looks genuinely satisfied with the fact Peter moans at every bite he takes. And because watching the gorgeous man eating in front of him is also a whole show.

Peter is too occupied staring at Tony to realize he’s missing his mouth with the next bite he takes. The man laughs gently at him and Peter wants to fucking hide under the table because now Tony’ll think he doesn’t know how to eat.

“That’s good huh ? Knew you would like it.”, Tony smiles, after a minute of silence. The smile on Peter’s lips grows automatically. He likes that. He really likes that Tony knew what he’d like. “That’s… the best thing I ever ate mr. Stark!”, Peter answers, beaming with happiness. Even the awkward moments can’t ruin this for him. He’s so happy.

The rest of the evening goes well. So well even. But the more the end approaches, the more Peter can’t help but asks himself if something’s gonna happen or not. Like… Is Tony gonna bring him home ? Is he gonna kiss him ? Even the thought of that is enough to make Peter’s head feel dizzy. He can’t even let himself imagine something more than a kiss would happen. And if he does, he’s gonna combust in front of Tony. And before his mind decides to picture them having sex, Peter shakes his head, his cheeks reddening with both shame and want. He had so many dream about Tony, so many wet dreams about Tony. He has been dreaming about the man since even before they actually meet. And Peter feels like he would cum the second Tony lays a hand on him. That’d be pretty awkward. And then, Peter can’t help but wonder what Tony sees in him. He’s nobody. Tony can have whoever he wants, and still, he chose him. Does Tony know he’s a virgin still ? Would he care ?

“Okay, have you even listened to a word I just told you ?”, Tony asks, a jaded look on his face. Peter realizes the man has been talking to him and blushes in shame. “Im so sorry! I was thinking… I got lost in my thoughts, sorry.”, he apologizes, hoping Tony won’t think he’s boring him.

“Wow, he’s getting invited to the fanciest restaurant ever and still act like it’s not enough. What more do you want Parker ?”, Tony jokes and one part of Peter is happy he didn’t get upset. Another part of him just wanna scream he wants Tony to kiss him once they’re out of the restaurant. But what if Tony wanna take his time ? He doesn’t wanna sound as desperate as he really is.

“I’d really love for a car.”, Peter jokes back, glad he made Tony smile. “Ask and you shall receive.”. And Peter doesn’t know how honest Tony is with this. He hopes the man is joking. But Tony’s intense look in his eyes when Peter said those words is enough to make him realize the man is serious about this. “I was joking, mr. Stark.”, the boy adds, just to be sure he won’t receive a car tomorrow. Tony doesn’t answer anything to that, which is kinda weird, but Peter doesn’t think too much about it.

When the server comes back and asks if they want a dessert, Tony answers for him again. No. This time Tony doesn’t wait for Peter to even asks him, he just orders him something in Italian again.

“I could have asked him for ice cream you know…”, Peter whines, faking a pout. “Oh so he understands Italian now.”. And the smile Tony had on his lips almost all night is making Peter heart feel so light.

“I don’t, but I don’t think I need a italian degree to understand ‘gelato’, old man.”, Peter teases, making himself feels hot all over his body. He sees Tony’s gaze changing a bit too. Is Tony loving this as much as him ? “Brat.”, the man accuses and Peter stops himself to make a punishment joke. They’re not there yet.

The boy is now eating his damn vanilla ice cream and can’t help the blush creeping on his face again. Tony is staring at him. Not watching. Staring. Peter’s senses can feel his intense gaze on him, on his face. And the boy feels like he doesn’t know how to eat anymore. He’s sure he’s putting ice cream everywhere on his lips and wants to die about it.

“Y-You didn’t want to take something ? Huh… dessert or- or coffee ?”, he stutters, to make things less intense, because Peter is seconds away to moan under Tony’s gaze. “Im all good, thanks Pete.”, Tony answers and the boy doesn’t know if he’s dreaming or not but Tony’s voice sounded more… low ? He goes back to eating his ice cream, hoping it’s the last ice cream he’ll ever eat in his life.

When they finally go out, Peter feels drunk. He’s so happy, so nervous and so horny at the same time. He’d say so in love but let’s not brings more awkward to this. They walk in silence to Tony’s car. And just before Tony can open his car, Peter blurts out : “Thank you so much for the dinner mr. Stark! It was really really good and really fun. I liked it… a lot.”, he says, knowing he’s blushing again but doesn’t care at this point. Maybe Tony is waiting for him to make the first move. Because he doesn’t wanna rush him.

“Pleasure was mine, Pete.”, the man answers, a soft smile on his lips. And then, Peter doesn’t even realize what his body his doing, but that should be the good time no ? His heart is pounding so fast and loud in his chest, ears and whole body as he leans and kiss Tony. A smack. Just a smack. Because Peter doesn’t even know how to kiss. It was fast, but enough to make Peter’s heart explodes in his chest.

But then he sees Tony’s face. Tony’s frozen and shocked face. Shit. Did it was too soon ? Did it sucked ? Did Tony expected someone who could actually kiss him ? Peter wants to throw up. ”Mr. Stark ?”, he asks faintly.

“Peter. What… What was that ?”, Tony questions, his tone dangerously flat. “I- I thought… Im so sorry I... You know with the date and all, I thought maybe… maybe it was a good time to kiss you, you know ? Im sorry if Im not a g-”, Peter painfully begins but gets cut by Tony. “Wait- A date ? It wasn’t a date.”, the man says, his voice suddenly high. Peter’s blood turns cold in his whole body.

What ?

“Wh- What ?”, he breathes, voice already trembling. Oh god no. No no no no, this can’t be happening.

“This. That’s- Christ, Peter. It wasn’t a date. I- I didn’t- We’re not- Fuck.”, Tony panics, his voice almost screaming the last bit, stepping back from Peter. Peter who’s still frozen, watching what’s happening in front of him without being able to move.

“Oh god, Im so sorry if I made you think it was a date, kid. Im- It wasn’t my intention.”, Tony tries to apologize, clearly still panicking. The only word echoing in Peter’s brain is kid. Tony hasn’t called him like that for months. And now he’s doing it again.

“Peter, kid. Shit, you can’t cry- I- Peter Im so sorry I shouldn’t-”. And it’s only when Tony says that that Peter realizes tears are rolling down his cheeks. His heart feels heavy in his chest. No. His heart feels completely crushed in his chest. And the humiliation. The boy still stands there, only capable of crying in front of Tony, who’s panicking on his own.

“Kid, you- Im sorry, Im not mad I swear, we can’t- We just can’t. We’re not… that.”. And Peter’s heart feels like breaking again. “D-Don’t call m-me k-kid.”, and it’s the only thing Peter can lets out before fully starting to cry. Small hiccups escaping his lips.

Tony watches in horror, unable to do much. “Peter, im begging you- stop crying, im not mad, you’re- kid I-”, the man starts and if he wasn’t so much in pain, Peter would have been genially shocked to see Tony struggling so much to speak. “Stop ca-calling me a kid!”, the boy almost screams, surprising both himself and Tony. The man steps back again. There’s a silence. A loud one. A painful one.

“Im sorry. It’s my fault if you thought- Jesus, it’s my fault if you mistook this, Peter. Im sorry I let you think this was a… a date. You can’t- it’s not on you, Im not mad.”, Tony speaks again. But it’s only words. Peter’s brain shut himself. He doesn’t understand what Tony is saying to him. He just wants to die.

“But- But I lo-”, he starts, desperately, only to get cut by the man in front of him again. “No. No you don’t. You- Jesus ki- Pete, it’s not-” and there’s a silence again. “It’s not wh-what ? True ? H-How would you know ? And wh-why… what was al-all of this for if-if it was- n’t a.. a da-date ?”, the boy desperately questions, in between cries. Tony’s pained expression intensifies. “Pete, stop crying.”.

“Answer me!”, the younger one screams. He can’t believe Tony. It’s not true. Tony is just being- delusional.

“Christ why are you doing this ? Peter, it was just- just… us.”. Peter never heard Tony’s voice sounding so desperate before today. But he can’t care. He feels like he’s been crushed by a fucking plane right now.

“Us ? Ye-yeah and Im- im saying that us, is me lo-lo-loving you and you- you looking at me with- with that look in your eyes.”. And Peter can sees Tony’s eyes watering. Again, it’d be the first time he sees Tony crying, but he still can’t care. The man just steps back and sighs, passing both of his hands on his face.

“You stopped calling me ki-kid. And- and you order for me- and- and sh-shit! I- I know you like it. I know i-it because I can se-see it, mr. Stark. I- I want- I want you… pl-please.”, Peter cries even harder now, his voice constantly cut by cries. “Please.”, he begs again. And it’s even more painful because Tony doesn’t answers anything. The man just stand in front if him, completely frozen, with a pained expression on his face. But he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t deny it. Why doesn’t he deny it ?

And suddenly, Tony’s warms hands are on his cheeks, trying to wipes the endless tears coming out of Peter’s eyes. But the sensation of the hand on his cheeks only makes Peter cry more. “Peter… Peter, baby.. please. You- fuck. You have to stop, alright ?”, Tony whispers, so close to him, but yet so far. baby.

Peter doesn’t realize he leans on the touch, he doesn’t realize Tony’s other hand is clenching hard on his light blue jacket. And despite everything that is happening right now, Peter only wants them to kiss. A real kiss.

But the next thing he feels is Tony’s strong body against him. The man is hugging him and Peter can’t help but hug him back, his cries still loudly getting out. “Peter, please. I can’t. You know I can’t. Im so sorry. I shouldn’t have invited you, I shouldn’t- I shouldn’t have let myself- I can’t.”, Tony murmurs those things in Peter’s ear, tightening his arm around the boy’s body and it only hurts Peter more. Why is Tony saying all of this ? What does it mean ?

“Please…”. It’s all what Peter is capable to say. Please love me. He feels Tony’s body, Tony’s warmth getting away and hates it. And the boy can’t take it. It hurts so much. So before Tony can even answer with another apologize, Peter’s wrists move on their own, and the next second he’s not there anymore, he’s on the top of the building next to the restaurant. He has to get away from Tony. He can’t stay there.

And if Peter hasn’t jumped on another building right away, he would have been able to hear Tony whispering on his own. “Pete… I wished you’d understand why this can’t be a date, why I can’t let you love me back.”, finally letting himself cry now that Peter ran away.

second square for @starkerfestivals 🙈🙈

alright so first of all im so sorry for this fjndldl 😭😭😭 this bingo is challenging me so much tho bc i wrote my first tony fucking peter and now i wrote my first sad ending

its just the first thing that came to my mind seeing ‘not a date’ so i followed my idea

also i edited it three fucking times bc tumblr was being a bitch with me today 🔪

[barsformars]

reaction: to their s/o being afraid of thunderstorms; ateez

req: hi! i absolutely love your writing, could i request an ateez reaction to s/o being scared of thunderstorms? thank you so much <3

a/n: thank you so much for requesting! this was kinda cute to write. also,, trying a different format here- not using gifs- lmk if y'all like it with gifs better? + first work im posting in this new year hehe hope y'all enjoy it <3

genre - fluff | pairing - ateez x reader | warnings - none

⭒❃.✮:▹ seonghwa

seonghwa had came home to you hidden under your covers as you watched the television on almost max volume, the curtains fully closed.

"love, isn't it a little too loud?" he had covered his own ears from how deafening it was and he had to pretty much yell for you to hear him. you paused the show when you took notice of him, quickly apologising as you tried to explain yourself when you saw another flash of lightning through the curtains. you slapped your two hands over your ears and squeezed your eyes shut, bracing yourself for the loud ripping sound from the sky.

seonghwa sat himself next to you and pulled you into his embrace, cupping your cheeks so that you would look at him. "love, do you trust me?" you nodded as you slowly opened your eyes.

seonghwa turned the television off and gently pried your hands away from your ears, letting your hands rest on the sides of his thighs. "let's be a little kinder to your ears, alright?" he leaned in closer and whispered into your ears. "do you want to tell me about your day or shall i go first?"

basically mars asmr but live, and when you do get surprised by the thunder, he would shush you affectionately and comfort you, continuing on about his day.

⭒❃.✮:▹ hongjoong

"can i hide in here for a little while?" you had peeked into his studio to see that he was just monitoring his past performances through fancams, surely you wouldn't be a distraction.

"from what?" he paused his video and whipped his head back to ask, confused. you were supposed to be at the dance studio, helping wooyoung and yunho check their choreography even if you weren't that experienced in dance.

"the thunderstorm, your studio is the only place where i can neither see nor hear anything so..." ah, he had no idea there was a thunderstorm outside. if he was he would have rushed over to you immediately, knowing just how afraid you can get.

"sure babe, make yourself comfortable." hongjoong would then turn on the ambience lighting to a dark blue and play some really soothing classical music, hoping that it would calm you down and take your mind away from the ongoing thunderstorm. when he sees that you were still a little frightened from earlier on, he drapes his warm jacket over you, "don't worry, you're safe here." he would also go to the kitchen to make a cup of warm tea for you to calm you down.

⭒❃.✮:▹ yunho

yunho loves thunderstorms, and he loves sitting by the window and staring out as the flashes of electricity branch out like veins in the sky, so full of life. that's what scares you the most, you know the extent of damage lightning can cause having lived in houses without good lightning protection systems.

"don't sit too near to the windows, you might get hurt!" you warned for the umpteenth time but your boyfriend refused to listen, saying that it would never happen.

"this apartment is safe, i promise," yunho reassured you, even gesturing for you to come join him over there. he wasn't going to force you if you still refused after the third time he asked but you decided to go. you've been trying to get over your fear of thunderstorms anyways.

he would wrap his arms around your waist and let you rest your head on his chest so that you could hear his calm steady heartbeats. the both of you sat at the windows watching the lightning and thunder with you burying your face into the crook of his neck often and him giving you long pats on your back to calm you down. you definitely did get less afraid of thunderstorms, though not much, but it's something.

"if the thunderstorm is ever mean to you, let me know. i'll personally throw hands at zeus."

⭒❃.✮:▹ yeosang

yeosang had fallen asleep on the couch when it started raining heavily along with non-stop thunder and lightning. you were extremely afraid but you had to close the windows yourself, you didn't want to wake yeosang up from his nap.

you were just about to close the one in the living room where yeosang was when the deafening sound of a thunder took you by surprise, causing you to shriek out loud in fear. being a light sleeper, yeosang jolted awake, surprised and worried. it absolutely broke his heart to see you crouched on the floor with your hands covering your ears, your shoulders shaking as you sobbed.

you felt so weak crying over a thunderstorm but yeosang made sure to let you know that there was nothing wrong with it. he gently guided you onto the couch where he would let you continue crying on his shoulder, his fingers intertwining with yours to let you know that he's there for you as he tries to help you control your breathing. "you're okay, you're okay. follow my breathing, love."

⭒❃.✮:▹ san

if you weren't afraid of thunderstorms, you probably wouldn't be sitting on yunho's gaming seat right now with san yelling at you over the headset to support him in the game. you weren't one to play games but as san says, "you won't be scared if you distract yourself"

it usually works, though the games do leave you feeling kind of nauseous from all the motion and lights, but today, the thunderstorm was simply on another level. the lightning had lit up the whole room with a bright white flash for a good three seconds before leaving you in a room that seemed much brighter a few moments ago.

san is not stupid, he knows playing games would not distract you this time round so he would quit the game and drag you onto the bed , letting you bury your face in his chest as he hums the tune of your favourite song.

when you told him that you were ashamed to be afraid of something many people aren't, he would shush you and say, "it's normal, everyone has their irrational fears. besides, that lightning really scared the life out of me too."

⭒❃.✮:▹ mingi

he knew about your fear of thunderstorms, and he always makes an effort to check the weather forecast on your behalf since he had googled it before and they said people who fear thunderstorms should try to refrain from doing so in case it makes them even more anxious. anyways, so he does it for you and prepares everything that you might need when it happens.

the both of you were in the car when the thunderstorm started, and being well prepared, he quickly handed you the small thin blanket and the bottle of water he kept at the backseats. there was no better place than under the sheets at home but this was better than nothing at all.

once the both of you got home, he would make sure to run a warm bath for you and might even accompany you in it. the fear had caused all your muscles to tense up and he made it a point to relieve all of them. in the meanwhile, he would comfort you by saying things like "im so proud of you." and "the next time a thunderstorm happens, remember how you are totally fine today, okay? think, thunderstorms are relatively harmless, you'll be fine this time too."

⭒❃.✮:▹ wooyoung

it was in the middle of the night when the thunderstorm started, the loud booming of the thunder startling you awake. you tried to go back to sleep, hoping that this moment would just pass and that you would wake up to a nice weather. but even with wooyoung by your side, you couldn't seem to be at ease enough to sleep.

"wooyoung, please wake up." that was your tenth attempt, unsurprisingly considering the fact that he sleeps like a dead log. thankfully he does, and very much apologetically when he notices the shitshow that was going on outside. even he was surprised he slept through the noise.

he would immediately drag himself out of bed to turn on the lights so that the lightning wouldn't seem as bad, also going out to the kitchen to pour you a glass of warm water. it always helped.

when the both of you were back in bed, wooyoung would rest against the headboard as you laid your head on his abdomen, him patting your shoulder affectionately until you fell asleep again.

"there's another thunderstorm going on inside your stomach," you joked with a faint smile as you snuggled closer into him.

"hey! if you're going to say that, go away."

⭒❃.✮:▹ jongho

the both of you were stranded outdoors as the thunderstorm has started unexpectedly while the two of you were taking a stroll in the park. the weather forecast did not foresee this. it was dangerous and very annoying to get soaked in rain, but everything was made worse because you were afraid of thunderstorms. you had no idea why, it was just the case.

"there's a shelter nearby, shall we make a dash for it?" jongho asked as the both of you sought temporary shelter from a tall tree.

"the lightning is a little crazy now though....." it was, but being under a huge tree on such a day wasn't the smartest idea at all, and it would be much better if you could go to a real shelter.

"you know i'm quite a lucky guy, right?" jongho would give you a piggyback as he ran, allowing you to close your eyes so that you wouldn't see the flashes of lightning. he would also tell you to put on earphones and play some soothing music. "it'll be over quick, just hang on in there for a little while."

[a-libra-writes]

oh my, congrats on your 800 followers, libra!! you totally deserve them! i hope (and i'm sure) you'll get many more! 👌👌💞

so, hey, now that your requests are open... could you write something, with the emoji prompt, for Stannis (💓 / 🔍), please? there seems to be a fever for stannis lately(?); and apparently i'm a simp for stannis now sooo...

i don't wanna repeat characters, much less bore you with my requests, because i really enjoy your writings... but yeah, i can't resist(??). your stannis is, well, *chef's kiss*. so, uh... have a nice day (or night)! and take care, pana. 👉👈😔

stannis as mr. darcy in a pride&prejudice AU???? with an awkwardly sweet confession at the end???

never worry about repeating characters yall esp when it's my man. & thank you for the kind words 💞💞

also i cant BELIEVE youre dumping that AU in wittle words like im not a giant austen nerd oh my godd.... regency era stannis..... be still my heart........... ........... wAIT ITS ALMOST MIDNGIHT AND IM HALF ASLEEP BUT DOES THIS MEAN I GET TO WRITE IN A REGENCY AU???????

💓 How do they act when they realize they’re in love/have a crush?

It takes Stannis a painfully long time to come to a realization about this. When the idea of marrying you begins to wiggle into his head, it's because the match is 'beneficial to both parties', not because he's been attending balls, outings and teas just to see you. That when you aren't there, his mood quickly drops and he tries to find an excuse to leave. That before you came into his life at all, he was rather infamous for completely avoiding them.

Even if you both really weren't a good match because of certain factors - your family connections, a lacking dowry, his own older brother's scandals - Stannis gives himself excuses reasons for why it would work out logically. Because these feelings are simply logical. Yes.

After all the times you've singled each other out during social events, all the glances across dinner tables, the handful of letters you both agonized over and nervous dances where you probably stood too close and danced for a little too long ... The moment that hits him like a hammer comes unexpectedly.

Stannis is quite hopeless after that. He might try to avoid seeing you - make excuses and try to avoid social engagements even more than usual, but you've caught on. You were sure of your feelings far longer than him, after all, and now you're sick of all the waiting and uncertainty. If he doesn't make a proposal, then you'll take matters into your own hands.

🔍Do they ask for advice or just deal with their crush on their own?

There's only one man Stannis has consistently respected and sought the opinion of, and it's someone a man of his station isn't meant to find comradery with. Davos Seaworth is a man in the navy, brought to a higher station than his birth suggested after saving the life of a younger Mr. Stannis Baratheon while at sea. They don't visit often, but when they do, more often than not Davos is listened to the shit Stannis' brothers put him through.

The business with Robert was bad, and Davos had to help wash some of that scandal away. When Stannis was distracted and agitated during this visit, Davos assumed his brothers did something again.

... Then he started to go on about some young lady from a modest family in the Stormlands ...? Davos had good instinct, but he didn't expect that.

He realized this was the young woman he'd heard a few rumors about. Davos was amused to hear about Stannis attending so many social events he surely hated, and now it made sense. He listened with a slight smile as Stannis tried to explain his logical reasons for proposing to you. Almost as if... he needed reassurance?

"She isn't like to refuse you," Davos replied, not betraying how entertaining this all was. "You have much to offer her, an' it gives security to her family. She doesn't have other offers from other gentlemen, so it's a clear choice."

Stannis frowned instantly. Davos paused, then added, "Unless you were hoping she'll accept because of a different reason?"

His friend huffed and turned in his chair. Davos just shook his head and told him to get on with it.

Stannis overthought the proposal until he had an aching head and a sore jaw. For a man who rarely doubted, there was so much doubt consuming him. He was so sure his feelings weren't requited, but there was a chance you'd say yes anyway. He told himself he'd be alright with that. Just having you at his estate, living beside him, would be enough.

That sentiment went out the window when he called on you. Your siblings and mother were not-so-subtly making eyes at you as they left the room, giving the both of you privacy. You'd seen Stannis anxious and upset, but not this badly. He was wound so tight you'd thought he'd start trembling.

It was some moments of awkward silence, then him attempting his pitch - those blue eyes trying to look anywhere but at you - and it was more... business than romantic. When you walked over to his side of the room, sat beside him and took his hand, he flinched like your touch burned him.

"I accept," You say, noting how his fingers curl around your's quickly, even when he's still having trouble looking at your eyes. "But I accept not because of what you could give me, but what you already have."

You just smiled at his confusion and reassured him again that you accepted the proposal.

[peninkwrites]

Rocks That Bleed - ch 9 of ?

The Warden calculates his every move. He doesn't know how to cope when those calculations fail.

(CW: character death! It's Ghostbur. y'know how it is)

Crossposted to ao3

Ch 1

Ch 8

Ch 10

~

A question remains– does he tell Quackity?

Sam had no intention of keeping secrets from his business partner, but the fact of the matter is, the ultimate goings on of his prison had nothing to do with his arrangements with Quackity.

Sam convinces himself this is not hubris, that Dream’s snide comments about Quackity being his boss weren’t getting to him.

He feels like he’s getting worse somehow.  Sam is not a liar.

He’ll tell him after, whether it succeeds or not.

<WilburSoot> im here sam!

<WilburSoot> hello sam!

It’s still surreal to see a dead man’s tag on his comm.  He knows it’s just because that’s what Ghostbur has to use, but eerie either way.

<awesamdude> Go on through the portal

Sam waits at his desk, the portal opened now.  No one comes through.  Sam is anxious enough as is.

<awesamdude> Ghostbur?

Finally, he appears, grey and hollow and smiling brightly.

“Hello, Sam!”

“Hey there, Ghostbur, how are you?”

“Hi Sam, how’s it going– I left my sheep in the Nether!” Ghostbur gestures back to the portal behind him.

Sam frowns quizzically.  “You left your sheep in the Nether?”

Ghostbur turns from the portal back to him.  “Well, I was bringing Friend, if that’s okay– he’s my, he’s my little– he’s my comfort sheep!” Ghostbur fumbles for the right words, pushing on without embarrassment or doubt.  He’s so unlike the Wilbur Sam had vaguely known while alive.  That certainty comes with worry, Ghostbur weaving a loose thread on his yellow sweater through his hands anxiously, looking to Sam with such trust.  “And he got stuck, he can’t come through again.”

“Well, that’s alright, we’ll just leave him there,” Sam says gently.  Sam realizes he sounds… different.  It’s something about Ghostbur– no, he doesn’t sound different, Sam sounds younger.  Like his younger self, when being kind felt easy.

Ghostbur gives the portal another glance.  “Well, is he okay?  Is he safe there?”

“Yeah, he’ll be fine.”

Ghostbur is relieved in an instant.  “Okay, okay good, good.”

Sam proceeds as normal.  He hasn’t brought in a visitor in so long.  Quackity hardly counts now.  Ghostbur reads aloud the contract and signs without fuss.  It’s easy, procedural, Ghostbur needing some reassurance at times, and there’s something about Ghostbur’s gentle uncertainty that makes Sam feel guilty for reasons he can’t name.

Still, he persists.  When it comes time for the search, he panics.  Sam reassures him.  It really is like guiding a child.  Sam wonders if it’s disrespectful to infantilize the ghost of a grown man, but still, Ghostbur just needs a little more gentleness.  It’s hard not to be endeared.  It still feels strange and unfamiliar, like putting on an old set of armor that doesn’t quite fit anymore.

“Is it a fun job, mister Sam?”

The Warden is suddenly back, he is no longer helping someone along on a journey and once more taking a piece of bait to the cell.  That’s what this is, isn’t it?  Ghostbur is bait, or maybe a bargaining chip.  Neither option feels less amoral.

Sam stares as the floor rises over the lava, the loud sound of redstone working filling his ears, familiar as a melody.  “I don’t know if fun is the word I would use.”

“Is it rewarding–?”

“Follow me.”  Sam needs Ghostbur to stop asking questions if his kindness is going to continue.

Sam cannot remain cold for long.  He almost feels like he’s being especially gentle with a dog before it goes to the vet.  Dream can’t physically hurt a ghost, but he can be cruel.  Sam knows Dream wants something out of this.  Sam also knows he can control whatever that outcome is, but Ghostbur is still being offered up.  Ghostbur will be safe, he is here of his own volition, and then Dream will give something to them finally.

Sam is not paranoid.  This is all within his control.  That prickling feeling on the back of his neck, Sam refuses to let that stop him.  He is in control.  He can make plans and follow through without Quackity.  He will not panic, he will not fail nor assume that something is wrong just because sometimes there’s an echo that makes Sam feel like he’s being followed.  Sam will cling to rationality.

He is in control.

He is in control of everything up until he sees an axe on the bridge.

Dream cannot get a weapon.

Sam tries to follow the axe with his crossbow.  The axe returns to his side, the ghost stays there.

It’s Tommy, because of course it would be Tommy.

“I should kill you right now!”

True.

“Tommy, be careful, I am so close to murdering you right now.”

Not true.

Sam hears a ringing in his ears, three voices shouting at once and him shouting back and no progress made, Tommy won’t get out of the fucking way and Dream is screaming empty threats and now Ghostbur is crying.  Sam cannot get Ghostbur back until Tommy backs away.

Tommy seems torn between throwing a punch and flinching away.  “You let me die in that prison, Sam, you shit fuckin’ Warden– You go over there and kill him yourself!”  Like a knife in his chest, a true accusation but not one he plans on letting go of.

“Tommy, this is the reason I let you die in the prison, what am I supposed to do now?!”

“Fuckin- just-”

“Now Ghostbur’s stuck over there!”

Dream is screaming at him.  Tommy is frantic.  Ghostbur petrified.

And all of it is out of Sam’s control.

“Dream killed me in there, Sam!”

“Tommy, I couldn’t do anything!” Sam is as desperate as he is furious.  He feels like he’s on trial.  He did what he could, but he will not make the same mistakes again.  Tommy stops here.

Tommy’s screaming is familiar, terror masked by rage masking helplessness.

“What have you done, Tommy?!” Sam doesn’t know what to do.  He hates not knowing what to do.  It terrifies him.

“Send me over there!  We can just kill Dream now!”  Tommy has lost his mind.  He cannot think Sam would ever let Tommy back into that cell again.

“I am not sending you over there–”

Dream is still raving.

He has a book.

“–He’s just gonna keep you both!  He’s just gonna keep you both– back up Tommy!”  Sam isn’t losing anyone else.  He’s not losing Tommy again.   Not on his watch.  He cannot be scared of losing him, because he won’t let it happen.  It’s not an option.

He’s not out of control, he just needs Tommy to stop moving and Dream to stop making threats and everyone to just–

“Everyone shut up!  Everyone shut up!” Sam pushes Tommy away from the lava, the boy looking like he was ready to jump over the edge.

“Let me out!” Dream’s illusion of fear or restraint or docile subservience vanishes as he has Ghostbur in his cell.

And Tommy is no longer shouting, instead he’s trying to soothe Ghostbur and some dark voice in the back of Sam’s head wonders if that’s what Tommy had needed from him all those months ago.

“Ghostbur, count to ten, count to ten, Ghostbur– with me!  One, two, three– we’re not gonna die– four five– it’s fine, it’s all okay– six– think of the blue–”

Ghostbur’s trembling voice replies, “seven, eight, nine, ten.”

And Tommy gives him what Sam could never offer.

“It’s gonna be okay.”

“Shut up!” Sam can’t think, all he can think of is Tommy dying alone, begging Dream to stop, while Sam couldn’t get there in time, but he could’ve turned on the comm.  He could’ve told him it would be okay– “Shut up! Stop counting!”  He tries to push Tommy back.  Dream has Ghostbur, an arm around his throat and a book in his other hand.  Sam hasn’t seen Dream like this in a long time, victorious and vicious in an obsidian box.  “Ghostbur is a ghost!”  Ghosts cannot die.  So Dream cannot win.

Sam tells himself this until Ghostbur vanishes, the lava finally lowers, and in that last glimpse, Sam sees the dead fall again.

At least Ghostbur isn’t stuck anymore.  Sam doesn’t understand.  Sam made every calculation, every plan and step taken with the utmost care, he was going to leave them there, Ghostbur safe behind a barrier, and he was going to get Tommy out.  Then he would return for the ghost.  Ghosts can’t die.

Sam doesn’t know what to do when his plans fall apart.

Sam stares at the lava, a hole growing wider in the pit of his stomach.  He wishes it would consume him entirely until nothing remained.  He’s so tired.

“What have you done, Tommy?  What have you done?” Sam doesn’t know how it got this dire, how Tommy crawled his way back within these walls.

“What have I done?!” Tommy is incredulous one moment and frightened the next.  Sam is at a loss.  He should kill him.  At the very least he should put Tommy in a cell, but he’s not going to do that.  That scares him.  When it comes to Tommy, the Warden’s own protocols mean nothing.  After last time, maybe it makes some twisted sort of sense, but Sam needs there to be rules to follow, rules he himself cannot break.  He’s broken enough of himself already, what’s a little more, for Tommy’s sake?

“I cannot believe you, Tommy.”  He’s angry with Tommy.  Right now he is only angry with Tommy.  Not himself.  He refuses.  He did his best, and he cannot resent himself for showing mercy, he cannot hate himself for letting Tommy walk out of here alive.  He’s not that far gone.

“I’ll fuckin’ kill you…”  Tommy mutters behind him.

Sam snaps, turning back to face him, fury and maybe something horribly like hope has him stepping forward.  “You will?!”

Tommy backs away, but he doesn’t keep quiet.  “Yeah, right fuckin’ now–”

“Do it then, big man!”  Sam knows he’s cornering him, he knows Tommy is more scared than angry, but he can’t bring himself to stop, even as Tommy walks ahead, refusing to look him in the eye.  “Turn around and kill me!”

Tommy keeps one hand on the axe of peace still at his side.  Sam should’ve taken that from him.  He hadn’t.  Tommy is still trying to be loud, like a cat puffing up its fur to make it seem bigger.  “Don’t you ‘big man’ me!” He gestures furiously.  He’s without armor, a lanky furious child, but Sam doesn’t stop pushing.

“Turn around and kill me, right now,” Sam stares after him, cold rage turning to smoke inside of him.

“I-I fuckin’ will!” Tommy snaps, finally turning to face him, axe held close in front of him.  He doesn’t back down.  The Warden towering over him, and Tommy doesn’t flinch.  Maybe in another life Sam would’ve found that commendable.

The Warden takes one step closer, they’re nearly nose to nose.  He doesn’t draw a weapon, he just stands over Tommy and waits.  “Do it, then,” he growls.

A weighted silence.

Tommy flinches back first.  He doesn’t let go of the axe.

“You know what, Sam, you’re corrupt,” Tommy turns away, walking further down the corridor, blocked by a locked door and forced to stop.  Tommy stepped back and his anger wilts into cold dread in an instant.

“I am not corrupt, Tommy,” Sam has done everything for this kid, and it’s like Tommy is fucking committed to making them enemies.

Tommy paces frantically, trapped and horrified.  “Where’s Ghostbur…”

“Everything I’ve done I did to try and help this server,” Sam snaps as he unlocks the door.  Tommy stumbles ahead, but he’s not out of fire yet.

“You’re corrupt!” Tommy snarls, torn between fear and hatred.  His eyes are watering.  “You let me die!  You–”

“You’re so lucky I don’t kill you right now.”  Sam can’t.  That’s a flaw he’s not yet removed from himself.  He cannot kill Tommy.  “You should be dead, Tommy.”  Maybe true.  He can’t figure out if letting Tommy live is him salvaging what he can or just another failure.

Tommy’s lip trembles, a hand going to his mouth, he leans against the wall to bury sobs.  Sam will not pity him right now.  He’s just a stupid teenager, a nuisance, not something for Sam to take care of.  He hasn’t taken care of anyone in a long time.  “Where’s Ghostbur..?”  He whispers it, words not really meant for Sam’s ears.

“Shut up, Tommy, I don’t want to hear it.  I should’ve killed you right away when I saw you on that bridge.  You should be dead,” Sam ignores Tommy’s tearful muttering behind him.  “The only reason you’re not dead is because–” Sam stops, words caught in his throat as the vault door pulls back.  Sam had never planned for this.  He can still hear Tommy screaming his name from that cell.  “Just– Don’t– Shut up, Tommy.  I don’t want to hear anything else.  Go.”

Sam can’t even tell if Tommy is hearing him anymore, the kid seems to be stepping closer and closer to a full blown panic attack.  “Where’s Wilbur… Oh no, oh no–”

Sam will not comfort him.  He will not be any more merciful than he already is being.  He should kill Tommy.  He’ll be cold instead.  “Go, Tommy,” Sam’s voice breaks.  He cannot break down now, he needs to be strong, just until Tommy is out of here.  He cannot come back here ever again, he hadn’t thought he’d need to make Tommy stay away.  He doesn’t understand him.

Tommy hesitates for another moment.  “Do you know where–” Tommy stops himself and for once does as he’s told.

A ghost cannot die.  This isn’t possible, Sam had planned for this to be safe.  Silence presses in.  Sam waits for the keycard.  Tommy should never have come back here.  “This is not good… This is not good… Tommy, this is– what have you done?”

“Did you see–” Tommy sounds imploring.  He sounds like he wants Sam to help him.

He can’t.

“Shut up, Tommy.”

“Fuck you.”  Tommy is still choked up.  He’s just a stupid teenager with an axe who thought he could change something.  Sam is supposed to be the responsible one, but this stupid kid ruined everything.

“You did this.  You can blame me all you want, but this is not my fault, Tommy!  You did this,” Sam does not acknowledge the fact that Tommy has not thrown blame at him beyond a frantic why didn’t you let me go over?

“Sam, go to hell– what the fuck–”

Sam is waiting for blame.  He refuses it.  He did his best and factors which weren’t even meant to be at play ruined everything.  A hostage… Dream ruined everything with a hostage.  One he should never have been able to threaten in the first place, let alone kill.  A hostage that would target Tommy who wasn’t even supposed to fucking be there–

“Say what you want, Tommy, I don’t care. I don’t care. I told you, you weren’t gonna come here again– I said that no one else was gonna come in here! Every single problem at this prison was caused by you. ”  Tommy, always the one thing out of control.  Just one more thing Sam doesn’t want in common with Dream but has anyway.  “Everything is perfect when it’s just me and him! Nothing bad has ever happened.”

Tommy looks visibly disgusted, stepping back with a shudder.  “What’d you mean just you and him–”

“Until you started coming here– you are the greatest security risk on the server for this prison and keeping him locked up!”

“Sam, he needs to die–”

“What were you thinking?!  What did you think was going to happen?!” Sam doesn’t know how Tommy thought this would go any other way.

“Stop talking to me!  Stop!” Tommy shouts over him, before stopping, breathing hard.  “Let me out.  Let me out of the prison.”  Tommy is still bottling panic.  He really thinks Sam might keep him here.

Sam holds back a shudder at those familiar words, let me out of the prison.   “This is… I cannot believe you, Tommy… You should be dead. I should have– I should have killed you. I should have just shot you when you were over there.”  Sam nods him along to the next room.  “Go.”

Tommy and Dream need to be kept as far away from each other as possible.  Tommy is sick in the head, he must be, and considering his last prison venture, it only makes sense, because Tommy breaks things.  He comes here, and people try to break Dream out.  Maybe Tommy came here to kill Dream, maybe he was right to, but that doesn’t matter.  This is his prison and his prisoner.  Dream doesn’t get to escape.  Not even through death.  Not even by Tommy’s own hand.  After everything Sam has heard from that monster, especially not by Tommy’s own hand.  Dream would find it poetic.

“Tommyinnit.”  Sam will not kill him.

“Yeah..?”

“Let me make something clear to you,” Sam’s voice shakes.  He tries to make himself sound steady.  It feels like a weak mask, but it’s the only one the Warden has.  “You are never to come near this Prison again. And if I ever see you even near the grounds of this Prison one more time, I will murder you. I will take your last canon life and then I will hunt the ghost that remains. Do you understand me? I will not let Dream escape this Prison. And you seem to be the only one that wants him to be free, for some reason. Even though we’re–” Sam stops himself.  There can be no we with him and Tommy, Sam cannot disillusion himself to think he and Tommy have some understanding when it comes to Dream, not when it’s abundantly clear that’s not true.  He can’t pretend he doesn’t care about that boy, but he will keep those feelings contained.  “Come on, Tommy.”

He’ll keep those feelings contained, and still when that boy needs help, when he gets frantic over that stupid sheep, asking Sam for a lead with the utmost care because while he shouts at him and raves and tells Sam he hates him, he’s still just a kid who needs help.

For all his efforts to remain cold, to do his duty as Warden and only his duty, Sam can’t help but give Tommy one more bit of kindness.  He still hopes he never sees this kid near here again, he still hopes there won’t come a day where he has to kill that boy– as if he ever could, is he really trying to lie to himself and think that there is ever a situation where he could bring a sword down on Tommy?

To keep Dream here, you’d kill anyone in your path.

But he will still help give Tommy a lead.  He won’t threaten to hurt him, to demand he leave, kill the sheep just to get it out of the fucking way– Sam pretends it’s practical.  It’s the fastest way to get Tommy the fuck out of here, but the part of Sam that let Tommy get the lead, that let Tommy get Friend through the portal, might be the last remnants of the man who offered Tommy a place to stay in exile, that brought people pumpkin pie, that wanted to take care of people.

Finally, Tommy is gone.

The Warden is alone.

Not entirely alone.

Everything is perfect when it’s just me and him.

He belongs to me.  No one else.  Worse– we belong to each other.

Revulsion is too simple a word for how Sam feels returning to his prisoner.

“Sam?!  Sam– you should’ve let me out!  You should’ve let me go!” Dream is pleading and mocking him.  He’s calling him Sam again.

Sam should leave him to his ravings.  He shouldn’t indulge this.

He’s furious and he can’t be angry with Tommy anymore.

“We had a deal, Dream!” Sam snaps.  When he turns on the comm, he notices his hands are still shaking.

“Yeah– Yeah, we did, Sam!  And I held up my end!” Dream paces.  “Wilbur– He’s– He didn’t show up here,” Dream mutters.

“What, things didn’t go according to your little plan?” Sam pushes on.  “Like hell you did– Did you know Tommy was going to be there?!”  It doesn’t make sense.  He knows it doesn’t make sense, but he has to ask anyway.

“What– Tommy– No, how the hell would I know?” Dream waves him off.  “It was helpful though, Sam!” He laughs, high and hoarse.  “Thanks for pulling him back, if Tommy killed me, none of us win, right?”

“Shut up, Dream!  We had a deal– You’re– I’m gonna have to punish you now, you do realize that, right?!” The Warden does not make empty threats, even if he has no idea what to do here.  Quackity acts without mercy on the daily.  There are no threats left to be made.

“What do you mean, Sam, I held up my end of the deal!” Dream’s irritable frustration turns to smug jeering in an instant.  He knows as well as Sam does there’s not much left that the Warden can do to him.  Dream snapped a long time ago, and all Sam can do anymore is witness it.

“You tried to escape–”

“I showed you!  The ghost– You saw!  I showed you something you need for resurrection, Sam, aren’t you happy?”  Dream’s escape attempt failed, and he can only laugh.  He collapses to the floor, hysterical and broken.  That diseased version of worship, Dream eager to get any reaction from him, it’s pathetic but no less unnerving.  “I told you I’d show you, Sam!  I held up my end of the deal!”

Sam doesn’t reply, he can’t bring himself to bother anymore.  He leaves Dream to his mania and tries to stop his hands from shaking.  Tommy should be dead.  Sam let him go.  Sam’s system of rules failed him.

He’s tired of failing.

Now comes the hard part.

He said he would tell Quackity, failure or not.  Maybe this will be easier, if anything.  Quackity has no high ground to stand on, not when he’s been in that godforsaken cell every day with no progress made.

Sam finds him in Las Nevadas.  Maybe he’s looking for a fight.  He is not reporting to an authority, nor to someone who scares him, Sam is updating his business partner as a matter of curtesy.  The Warden is the only one who holds the prison, mistakes and all.

“Quackity.  I need to talk to you.”

“Hey, Sam!  Come on in!” Quackity grins, stepping back from the doorway into the half built casino.  “You look a little miserable, Sam.  Too many late nights at the prison?” He says it like they share an inside joke.

Sam glances around the hall.  “Are we alone?”

Quackity’s bravado falters into something more somber.  “Yeah, yeah we’re alone– What happened?”  What happened.  Two words so much kinder than what did you do?  Sam knows he’ll change his tune real soon.

“I… I got some information out of Dream, but there was– there was a cost.”

Quackity’s confusion turns to a wary dread in an instant.  “Get to the point a little faster, Sam, will you?”

Sam pauses, eyeing Quackity carefully.  He knows this man.  Or at least there was a time he had.   Quackity will get angry, but Quackity’s anger was manageable once.  Sam has seen other sides of him.  Then again, Quackity has never been good at violence when the other person isn’t chained to a wall.

Sam doesn’t know where to begin.  He decides with the worst of it.

“Tommy got back into the prison.”

Quackity steps closer, a wide, unnerving smile that Sam doesn’t believe for a second.  “Got into the prison, Sam.  What do you mean?  No one gets into the prison, no no– you let him in.”

Sam’s jaw is tense as he bottles every defensive remark trying to rise up.  He made a mistake.  He will own it.  Even if it wasn’t his fault.  He calculated everything.  It was the variables which didn’t obey.

“He had an invis potion.  And I didn’t notice him, because I was escorting another visitor.”  Sam does not mention that he felt something was off, that he had dismissed it as paranoia– or rather had refused to let it be paranoia.  Sam had been resisting that part of himself, the one which took everything with grave seriousness, which believed utterly that everything would try and tear his prison down.  He won’t make that mistake again.

“Another visitor?” Quackity hisses.  “If you let anyone in there, Sam, anyone besides me, you realize who that falls back on, don’t you?  That falls back on me.” Quackity steps closer, so much smaller than him but acting like he doesn’t even see that Sam could break him like a twig.

“Calm down, Quackity,” Sam turns cold.  This is his prison, not Quackity’s.  “It was Ghostbur.  He wouldn’t have remembered anyway–”

“What– Ghostbur, what do you mean Ghostbur–?”

“Let me finish, Quackity,” Sam snaps.  Quackity falls silent, arms folded over his chest and that vicious smile returns, like he can’t wait for Sam to dig himself into a hole.  “It doesn’t matter, because Dream–” Sam stops himself with a sigh.  “Dream killed Ghostbur.  He said he was going to revive Wilbur, now, I don’t know about that, all I know is Ghostbur disappeared.”

Quackity grows serious once more.  “Wait– Wait you saw it?  You saw him revive someone– revive Wilbur?”

“I don’t know about that, all I know is Ghostbur is gone.  I got Tommy out of the prison too, but the deal was Dream had to show me something he needed for resurrection, and, well, I guess it’s a ghost.  Or maybe a vessel, like a body or something, not everyone has a ghost–”

“Hold on, back up, Sam,” Quackity raises a hand to silence him.  “You did all that– behind my back, might I add– to learn that you need a fucking ghost?  That’s– That’s nothing, Sam,” Quackity laughs, sharp and patronizing.

Sam steps forward now, towering over him, Quackity doesn’t step back, but he leans away, eyes narrowed.

No– This is the last fucking straw, everything Sam has lost today, every failure, every struggle, every offense from the universe, and he won’t have fucking Quackity tell him it isn’t good enough.

“At least I’m actually trying to make progress– at least I got something done instead of wasting hours performing for my own sadism, Quackity!” Sam jabs an accusing finger into Quackity’s chest.  “Tell me I’m wrong!  Do it!”

Quackity steps back, that defensiveness remains behind his eyes and for a moment he’s at a loss for words.

Sam is breathing hard.  His chest feels very warm now, but he waits.  He waits for an excuse, for Quackity to tell him that’s not what it really is, that he’s trying, anything.

It’s worse that Quackity doesn’t.  He just shakes his head like a disappointed parent.  Sam hates it.  That had once been his role to play, and for Quackity to now masquerade some warped version of that authority, it’s worse than an insult.

“If that’s what you think,” Quackity laughs, cold and sharp.  He hasn’t yet told Sam that he’s wrong.  “You should’ve talked to me, Sam,” Quackity sighs.  “You made plans behind my back–”

“It’s my prison, Quackity.  He is my prisoner and I can do what I want with him,” Sam snaps.  That statement doesn’t feel wrong to him, not in any way.  Sam has ripped himself apart, sold pieces of himself to that devil in a cell, it’s only fair Sam gets to own him back.

Quackity lets off another unnatural laugh.  “Oh, your prisoner, Sam!  I didn’t realize how personal it had gotten– I thought you were the immovable Warden, huh?  Clearly you can’t be trusted to make rational decisions regarding him, am I right?”

“I told you this out of courtesy, Quackity, nothing more.  And if you want to keep having your little power trip sessions, you’re going to respect my authority as Warden, got it?”

“Yeah, where else am I gonna work out my sadism, huh, Sam?” Quackity scoffs.  He still hasn’t told Sam he’s wrong.

Everything is perfect when it’s just me and him!

That thought scares Sam just as much as he still holds it to be true.

“I’ll still allow you to visit the prisoner, Quackity.  But don’t disrespect me like that again,” Sam turns to leave.

“Is that a threat, Sam?” Quackity laughs, jeering and sharp as he walks away from him.

“A threat, Quackity?” Sam looks back over his shoulder with muted disgust.  “No, I don’t need to threaten people.  You know the rules, you know what contract you signed, so I suggest you follow them.”

He doesn’t need threats when there are rules.

Sam refuses to think on how many of his own rules he broke today by letting Tommy walk away.

[jamestrmtx]

Fairytale Complex - [Undertale | Sans x Reader]

[Gender Neutral, Frisk's Parent Reader | Slow Burn]

Chapter Twelve | Danger Mystery (Part 1 of 2)

[First] | [Previous] | [Next]

Today's the day, and though there's no going back now, one look at the last message your ex sent you makes you wish you could.

I'll 🐝 there in 30 ⌚, babe. 😘😘😘

💋💖🥺 Miss you. 🥺💖💋

K.

The overuse of emojis topped off with him calling you ‘babe’ makes you regret so much as the thought of meeting him already.

It's hard to imagine a normal conversation with Jerry given how awfully long it's been since you last talked and how blatant you were being through texts, ignoring all the ones about the info he dug up on monsterkind and only answering his most recent message with a 'K'. You didn't want to hear his reasons behind his absence after how bad things were left between you, and even less did you want him to call you 'babe' in real life. Grateful as you are to have Toriel offer her home as the place for your meeting with him, you look forward to this as much as you do having to wake up at five in the morning every weekday. Her home is busy as a result of the upcoming visitor, with Papyrus trying to make himself look like the most sophisticated gentleman possible, Toriel fixing Frisk's hair into two short braids, Undyne freshening up after exercising all her own nervousness away, Alphys practicing her introductory speech, and Sans revising Frisk's homework.

Considering how much of a handful the last person has been, you decide to take that as an opportunity for you to bother him yourself -- not only as payback, but as a way to prepare yourself to confront Jerry soon.

You approach the couch he sits on and stand behind him, his sitting height and your standing one allowing you to grab a look at what he's doing with more detail. He's around halfway through correcting Frisk's Math homework, and their English speech is already set aside with a few marks and commentary on what they had left to work with. His revision stops when you hover a little closer, making him acknowledge your presence and set the notebook aside to turn around and meet with your eyes.

"How do I look?

That's the first question you ask him, a bit of confidence shining through with how your health's managed to improve a bit since your hospitalization. While you still have to use foundation to cover up your stress blemishes and you're far from being as fit as Jerry was, it's a huge difference from how you were at the start of it all. As a result, you smile, ready to hear someone else's view of you besides Frisk, Brenda, or yourself.

"'Fraid you're asking the wrong person, pal," he replies, gaze averting from yours.

"C'mon," you insist, sitting next to him on the couch. You then shift a bit closer to the skeleton and nudge his shoulder, pouting at him after that. "Please?," you add, facing him again. "You're… You're the only one I trust who won't sugarcoat how I look if you pointed out those 'love handles' I've got a while back." 

He manages to keep his gaze and attention on the conversation, though you can see he tries to look elsewhere every so often, as if unable to stare at you for too long.

"So? I was just makin' a comparison between us, not callin' you out or anything."

"But you were still bold enough to say I had them."

You pull your hand back, noticing it's been kept on his shoulder for far too long. Then, you scoot away, growing aware of how close you are. "I don't want him to think I'm still hung up over him." You huff. "It's been almost six years now!"

"Are you still thinkin' about 'im, though?"

"Oh, hell no. He can go date whoever he wants."

Sans grabs the area where you'd touched him; the sight of that makes you worry if you'd involuntarily crossed a line with him. You're not sure how to ask if you've made him uncomfortable, so you back off and shift further away in your seat, setting your hands on your lap and staring down afterwards. "He was… nice enough to wait until I finished my second year of college for us to call our relationship off and for him to leave the picture, so I can't really blame him too much for what happened." You take in some air and look up again, maintaining your pride. "But that still doesn't mean I don't want to look my best. I've moved on, and I... I really want all that to show today."

Appearing convinced, Sans nods once and sits up straighter on the couch. Whatever made him wary of eye contact vanishes and allows him to judge you without any bias, irises scanning your face for a moment. He carries on to your attire, though it's a quicker observation in comparison and a hint of embarrassment can be seen in his body language, from how stiff his shoulders get to how his grin feels forced and bashful. "You look good. Not much different from your regular self, I'd say."

"Please, be honest with me here, Serif. I know I didn't exactly... look my best when we first met, y'know? It's fine."

"But I am being honest." Again, he averts his gaze from yours, posture staying rigid as he faces the table and stares at the open notebook. "You don't need to try and look like you've moved on, 'cause it already shows -- And even more now that you look healthier, too."

Unsure how to approach his comment, you grab your knees and clench your hands around them, sighing after. "If you really think so, then I..." You breathe in, chest feeling tighter than the belt around your waist. "Thank you."

You stand up and fix your clothes for what has to be the twentieth time today. Your heart's racing just as much as your thoughts. Honest to goodness, you were nervous over meeting Jerry again, and not because of butterflies or lingering feelings, but for how much had happened since he last visited. At the thought of him meeting the monsters and learning all about the near two months Frisk was absent from your side, your worries heighten and anxiety eats right through your confidence. 

Nervous, you gulp and look back to the couch again, offering the one still sitting there a smile. "Could you... follow me outside, please?" You wring your hands, clasping them as a subtle plead shows on your face. "I could really use your company right now."

Sans laughs at that, nodding again as he stands up, dusts off, and joins your side, winking when he looks up at you. "Thought you'd never ask, (Y/N)."

You still can't help feeling strange at the sound of him saying your name. 

While you're fully aware it was nothing out of the ordinary and that he was now in closer enough terms with you to call you that instead of 'pal' or (L/N), there remains a sudden flip in your stomach whenever he says it. Whether it was due to how wary you've become around him or how incessant he was with his flirting, it's still impossible for you to acknowledge that and get over those feelings. No way were you wasting any of your time and energy thinking about that stuff, anyway.

• • •

The temperature changes as you both step outside.

In contrast to the warmth and coziness of Toriel's home, you're greeted by cold and unrelenting winds, along with the colder, occasional water droplets falling on your face. The hint of a downpour coming soon makes you dwell on your past visit here and how you were obliged to stay the night back then. You wonder if the same ending will apply for today, or if you would have to cut your reunion short as a consequence.

"Guessin' those months without the kid around were pretty draining, huh? You look way happier compared to when we first met." Sans breaks the ice, though his hands are kept in his pockets to shield himself from both the cold and any awkward body language. "When I think about it, it's… It's kinda hard to believe it's already been just as long since we left the Underground -- And that it's gonna be Frisk's birthday soon, too." 

You face down at him, smiling when you meet with his gaze. "Has it felt like less or longer to you?"

"A weird mix between the two, actually."

You look away from each other at the sound of an engine rumbling from nearby. A familiar, red colour flashes before your eyes; the Ferrawrxd that parks at the sidewalk brings back memories, ones you try to push down. "Tori was already plannin' out somethin' for 'em by that time," the skeleton says, distracting you from the view. "Has she talked about it with you?"

"Not yet," you reply, facing your shoes. "But I wanted to ask her if she'd like to help out -- It's the least I can do with how much she cares for Frisk."

Despite your best efforts not to, you tense up at the sound of a person stepping down and a car door being shut and locked.

Now that you're actually about to confront your ex, it's hard for you to keep your confidence and face up at that sight. "You should do it, then." Again, Sans's voice helps melt your worries down. "I'm sure she'll be more than happy to join you in that -- And pretty much the rest of Frisk's friends, too." You can feel his gaze on you, though you don't look at him, still too anxious to move your eyes away from the floor. "And I'd be more than happy to help also, so just say the word if you need me."

The earthy scent of roses catches you off guard and makes you look up to see a large, white-and-red bouquet being offered out to you, ex-husband standing behind them. "How's it going, babe?" he asks, a smile present on his face. "I missed you."

You back up against the door to Toriel's home and face the man in front of you with careful eyes. Your breathing hitches with how different a greeting that is from your expectations; the sight of him having no companion around and the use of 'babe' makes it obvious as to what the bouquet means. It's even more than evident with the lull in his tone and the soft look in his eyes, though you don't want to acknowledge that. To counter, you step closer to the skeleton's side and look at your ex right in the eye, a firm look remaining in yours. 

"I'm doing alright," you reply, stoic. You then take the flowers from him, paying little attention to them and ignoring his other comment. "This is Sans. Though I'm sure you've heard about him already," you add, gesturing with a hand over to him. Pretending you hadn't seen Jerry at the restaurant back at the very beginning of it all is the best you can do for now with how hard it is to lie about it. "He's one of Frisk's friends from the Underground."

The pair exchange a look, one you can only remain curious over when you remind yourself over the purpose for Jerry's visit. You glare sharply at him, wanting to stand your ground. "Why return after a whole year of not coming around to see your child?" Finally, you cross your arms tight and let your displeasure known through a grimace. "Frisk was gone for almost two whole months, and yet you never worried to ask if I needed help with that or not!"

You take a step forward, anger bubbling the more you let those words dawn upon you. "You came to visit us only after the hardest stage was over. The one where I needed you the most!" You hold yourself back, against letting your voice turn any louder or making a scene of any sort.

"Well, I..." he counters, gaze narrowing and frown showing. "I waited two whole years for you to start out college before ending our relationship, and I'm still paying child support to this day."

"And I had to divide time between taking care of a two year-old with work and college!" You huff out, trying to contain yourself. "This isn't a competition, Jerry. It never was." A sharp bite to the inside of your lip is what's necessary for you to keep yourself from exploding any further than you have already, against showing any more weakness in front of him. "I don't care if you decided to leave, I only wanted you to at least pretend you cared for Frisk. Not just show up and visit once a year like freakin' Santa Claus!"

He glares back at you, keeping it that way when he looks down at Sans, his height not only towering over the monster, but you, as well. "At least I'm not dating a Halloween decoration seven years after my divorce!" 

Wham!

You shove the bouquet right at his chest.

Your nostrils flare and your hands ball up tight as you stare him down, frown changing for a deep and unwavering scowl. "Don't talk to him like that!" You pause and take another step forward, enough for him to do the opposite. "Don't call me babe, and don't give me flowers if you're just gonna assume I'm dating someone else! I'm through with you, Jerry, and it's been that way since six damn years ago."

Jerry's eyes lower back to the skeleton, who takes his hands out of his pockets and straightens up. He faces your ex, looking amused. "So this is the one you told me you liked, man?" he asks, brushing you aside to make way towards Sans. "Is this really the (chick/dude) you told me you were into? I thought we were bros!"

"Wait, what?"

Those are the only words you can say out loud as you watch the two confront each other, tension thick in the air. Jerry takes in all of it, while the monster keeps his cool, shrugging at his bro. "Sorry to lay it down like this, but yeah," he says, snickering. "They're who I'm into." He spares a quick glance at you, winking to further fuel your ex's anger. "I gotta admit, it's a bit awkward. Though I really dunno why you're so worked up over this if you had your time all those years ago. Ain't my fault you two broke up."

"They're my ex-spouse, bro!"

"Yeah -- I'm well-aware of that, pal."

You back away from the door when it opens, revealing a frowning Toriel behind it. 

"Is everything alright out there, you two? Someone sounds angry." When she catches sight of Jerry, her eyes brighten and a smile overcomes her. "I see our new guest is here! Come along now. I cannot wait to meet Frisk's other parent!"

"Inna second, Tori," Sans says, grinning up at your ex. "Just havin' a talk with 'im first."

The goat lady nods, and a knowing look's exchanged between them two; she then closes the door after that, leaving you be.

Overwhelmed and in need of some painkillers for a future headache, you take a step back meanwhile, not quite in favour of getting caught up between your ex and a monster with a seemingly one-sided crush on you. 

"What more could there be to talk about?" Jerry asks, scowling. "If I'd known it was (Y/N) you'd been talking about this whole time, I would've never told you to try giving it a shot!"

He storms off inside the house and closes the door shut, leaving you alone with the skeleton, who soon beckons you over with his irises, a look of caution visible in them. 

"You okay, pal?" he asks, hands going back in his pockets. "Sorry I got ya mixed up in all this. I know you don't want any drama, but I really didn't think he'd figure me out like this."

You stand by the door and lean against the wall while you consider his words. 

It doesn't take too long for a smile to show up on your face. You sigh, choosing to believe him for now. "It's alright," you say, dismissing his words. "The look you gave each other before this kind of... showed that." You pause, curiosity intervening. "How did you guys become friends, anyway? Didn't he pretty much hate your guts a while back?"

"Met 'im again while workin' at a hot dog stand, so we've been able to talk some more since then." Sans joins your side, similar to the day at Waterfall, but with an easier atmosphere present between you. "He came over to grab a bite, we found some stuff in common, and then we kinda just became friends from there on -- Surprisingly." He hums, a faint chuckle interrupting it. "We started talkin' about our love lives two weeks into gettin' to know each other. And about a month after you confronted me over at that restaurant." His hands leave his pockets, these placing themselves behind his skull as he further reclines against the wall. "I told 'im I'd met someone I was interested in, but when he asked for specifics, I said they weren't really into me. Told 'im they were a single parent, and that maybe that had somethin' to do with them not fallin' easily enough for my flirtin'."

He stops, though you still want to hear more. You nod at him, hope over him carrying on remaining. "Is... Is that all?"

"You'll get mad at me if I keep tellin' you what I told 'im about you."

"I can't promise I won't, but I'll try not to."

The monster takes in a breath, and his relaxed state is then replaced by a subtle mousiness he tries to cover up, mainly by remaining calm and casual.

"I told him your stubbornness and integrity were kinda just... hot, and that I had a thing for not only your looks, but just you, in general -- As a person, I mean."

"Do you still feel that way about me?"

You don't know what makes you blurt that question out, but it's far too late for you to dwell over it now of all times.

"Of course I do," Sans says, rubbing the back of his neck. "I told Jerry 'bout that last part just a few days ago." He stops again, breathing in deep once more. "I was, well, only doing it for fun back when it started. But now... Now I really mean it when I flirt with you, (Y/N)."

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• • •

Updates will be Mondays and Fridays starting after Part 2 of this chapter!

Not only will I continue working with my Mario (one-shots from my old account, featuring Princess Peach, Princess Daisy, Rosalina, and Pauline) and She-Ra (some drabbles I’ll be posting here later on) fanfics soon, but I've reached a personal milestone in terms of my studies, so I'll be celebrating that soon!!

• • •

Tag List (Comment or message me if you want to be added to [or removed from] it!)

@the-simp-express

@nektotersh

@disastrous-l0vebug

@therealchickenjoe

@mintyflakes025

@pandaquick

@timelock97

[crack-whore-who-fuckedup-already]

Catchin’ The Vibe

Pairing: Loki x reader

Word Count: 2,543

Warnings: drug use (devils lettuce folks), wee bit of angst, fluff if you squint, awkwardness if that counts lol, older GenZ!reader

A/N: Ahhhh! This is my first time posting something I’ve written! I hope you all enjoy!

 Classes that day were less than pleasant. The reminder of 4 major exams coming up did nothing to soothe (Y/s) constant stress and anxiety and she couldn't help but rush out of her final class, ready to finally relax.

          The brisk walk home got her thinking and she quickly pulled out her phone and sent a text to her roommate, Cassie. The girl was well aware of Cassie's habits of bringing friends over unexpectedly. She'd learned to text ahead so that she could change her course of direction before it was too late and Cassie made her begrudgingly agree to stay with them. For as much as their external personalities clashed, she really did love Cassie but she also really didn't feel like trying her own patience today. Instead, she prepped for her backup plan.

When the inevitable response came from her roommate, she sighed and set a course for Avengers Tower. Even if a group of super heroes lived there, the tower was big enough to grant her space from them.

Walking in the front door, she flashed the card that her aunt Pepper gifted her upon her arrival to the big city to the security guard. If you need anything, Pepper had said, pressing the card into the girls palm, just come find me. She absolutely adored her aunt Pepper and although she didn't particularly need anything from her aunt in person, she was ever grateful for the unlimited access to the tower.

The girl was pleased to find that the residence atop the tower was seemingly empty. Out on a mission, she presumed. Thank God.

  She wasted no time plopping herself down on the couch and reached deep into her backpack, searching for the little ziplock bag. The perfect little cookie she had placed in there earlier that morning had crumbled to bits and she made a sound of disappointment. She opened it and poured a handful of crumbs, careful not to spill any on the couch. Only after carefully putting the rest away, she finally let herself fall back against the sofa and unwind.

When the girl found her eyes sore and red, and her mouth dry as the desert, she knew her high had hit. The previous anxious pounding in her heart and head was replaced with a subtle, pleasant throbbing throughout her body. Finally, she felt like she could take a deep breath. Reveling in the feeling, she closed her eyes and thought back on the day. 

Unbeknownst to her, Loki stood in the doorway of the living room, watching her intently. His fingers softly tapped on the hardcover of his book, debating whether or not he should go back to his room. He could sense that there was something different about her today. Something off. Now that Loki thought about it, the girl's energy always seemed a little ‘off’ compared to the other mortals on Midgard, but never this heavy before. It made him shift in discomfort.

Before he could turn and sneak away, her soft yet dry-red eyes peered over the couch and caught his own deep green ones. He was caught.

“Hello,” she said kindly. "You can join me, if you'd like." Loki's presence was one she always welcomed. She smiled softly and gestured to the sofa across from her. Loki hesitated for just a second but then slowly took a seat. She sat up to address him better and continued.  “I wasn't expecting anyone to be here. I thought everyone was out on a mission.” 

Only a couple feet from her now, the god could clearly see the red in her eyes and her exhaustion radiated off of her. His curiosity got the better of him and the question shot out of his mouth, quiet but clear. “Is something wrong?”

The girl froze suddenly. Her thoughts fluttered excuse from excuse. But she stopped, suddenly. She wondered with a bit of mischief -and defiance, probably-, what if she just told the truth. She realized quickly that Loki would probably be the last person to rat her out, quite honestly. Besides, something told her that Loki'd had his fair share of, well, exotic herbal substances, for lack of better term. Forgetting herself, she laughed a little at the thought.

Thinking he'd said something foolish, it took everything in Loki not to stride out of the room then and there. Irritation and perhaps embarrassment bloomed deep in his chest. Instead he let out a little huff which luckily got her attention. 

“Im sorry, but no. Why do you ask?” Her voice lilted up in a teasing manner. She had a small smirk on her face as she took a sip from the water bottle in her bag. 

Loki knew that look all too well. It was the same one he got on his face when he was up to no good. Suddenly intrigued, he narrowed his eyes at her and slipped on his shit-eating grin.

“Your eyes are red. And your presence feels more... tense than usual.”

She leaned forward and swallowed quickly. “What, you mean like my energy?”

Loki paused pensively then nodded.

She snickered and thought about that particularly interesting tid-bit of information. The scientific and spiritual knowledge on Asgard is far different and more advanced than anything on earth, she knew.

Minutes passed and the girl found her thoughts wondering, as well as her eyes. At some point, they landed on Loki reading his book and suddenly a light bulb went off in her head. Surprising herself with this idea, she mulled it over in her head. He is literally the most stressed individual I have ever met...and aunt Pepper has to deal with Tony on a daily basis so that's saying something... there's no harm in asking.

"Loki, have you ever heard of weed?" she asked as innocently as she could muster. He looked at her, contemplating. Eventually, he shook his head no. Delight spread across her face before caution took its place and the girl thought of the best way to explain to Loki what exactly the Midgardian herb was.

 "On Earth, there's this plant called marijuana." A look of slight recognition passed over his face. "It's used as a destresser, antidepressant, muscle relaxer…” She paused pensively. “Some use it for spiritual purposes. It's got loads of uses. Not to mention it gets you nice and toasty." 

With the Avengers away, his normally stiff and stoic facade was softer, allowing the girl to just barely make out the contemplative faces he was making. She had also noticed his brief look of uncertainty at her use of the term 'toasty'.

"So this is Midgards form of the Gift," he concluded.

"If that's what you guys call drugs on Asgard then, yeah. Sure." She let out a little laugh and looked at him intently.

After a second of thinking, he finally looked at her again, mischief seeping into his words and face. "And why might you be telling me this, dearest?" 

Leaning back with a grin, she fished the baggie from her backpack once more. The loose crumbs looked less than impressive to the god but the girl didn't seem to care. She gave Loki a look to rival his own and for a second, it actually made him falter. 

The amount left in the bag was just the amount she felt comfortable giving him so she handed him the plastic baggie. When he didn't take it right away, she pulled back. 

"You don't have to if you don't want to." The gentleness in her voice caught him off guard and reassured him that it was his choice. He had no doubt after that, he wanted to do this. 

For as much as he didn't trust Midgard or their people, Loki was quite comfortable around her. The child of the group and yet she seemed to be the only tolerable one. Her normally quiet disposition drew him in and her ability to launch passionately into one of her stories only made him enjoy her company more. It reminded him of his mother.

Shoving those thoughts aside, he did his best to pour the cookie crumbs into his mouth then set the baggie on the coffee table. Leaning back, they both fell into comfortable silence and waited.

---------------------------

She was in the kitchen when out of the corner of her eye, she saw Loki slowly close his book. The girl looked up and across the space to the connected living room where he sat and saw him staring blankly at a spot in front of him. Finally, he let out a small groan and fell backwards. It had finally hit.

"Loki?" 

His hand twitched in her direction and she knew he wasn't doing well. Quickly filling a glass of water, she was at his side in a second. His head was all the way back, looking at the ceiling and his eyes were wide, pupils blown. His breathing was labored and his hands were shaking. 

"Hey, ok," she said, sitting gently next to him. She placed her hand on his arm but he flinched away. Paying it no mind, she spoke gently. "Don't fight it, Loki. Just relax and breathe." 

Loki tried his best to relax, truly. But there was this relentless twitching all throughout his body and his senses felt dulled by this incessant tingling. His mind was flitting through thoughts faster than he could grasp. Not having control over his mind and body was completely unexpected. The Gift was nothing like this. 

On Asgard, the Gift clears your mind and energy and makes you feel present and centered. It connects mind and body, bringing them together in harmony. This was the opposite. It was incapacitating his body and his thoughts swirled senselessly in his head.

"May I touch you?" 

He looked at her but the words were lost on him, he couldn't focus. He stared at her until she spoke again.

 "Loki? Is it alright if I touch you?" 

Before she could even finish the question a second time, he was already nodding his head yes. The girl smiled and softly placed her hand on his shoulder for reassurance. She rubbed her thumb gently back and forth and held up the glass of water. 

"Take a sip, it'll help," she urged. Loki mustered enough composure to sit up and take a few sips. When he was done, he rested back against the couch, shutting his eyes tightly.

Putting the glass down, the girl sighed as she looked at his rigid body. Poor thing was torturing himself with how tense he was. "Loki, if you don't relax, you're gonna cause more harm than good. Your muscles are going to snap."

He only shook his head.

Suppressing her own increasingly anxious thoughts, she continued. "Then what can I do to help? Please? I want to help you…" But Loki couldn't bring himself to say anything. Instead he shakily took her hand. Gentle but firm, it was the smallest of acts but she could already feel the difference it made. 

After a few moments, his scrunched up face was finally smoothing into one of ease and his breathing began to level out. The twitching was unavoidable and so was the probability of zoning out a couple times but that was all a part of the experience. After regaining control of his breath, Loki finally seemed to be letting himself unwind.

As his body started to melt into the couch, she gently readjusted herself next to him so that she was more comfortable. Not once did they let go of each other's hand. They sat in silence, enjoying the buzz but also each other's quiet presence.

---------------------

As the night got darker and the high mellowed out, Loki found himself actually enjoying his time. He could still feel the tingling in his body but had decided that he liked it. The girl had managed to pull him out of his trance when she pulled her hand away to put on some slow, quiet music that was pleasant to his currently sensitive ears.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, softly.

Still lounging back against the couch, Loki took a moment to think then nodded his head. A lazy smile spread across his face. "I feel...good." 

"Yeah?" she chuckled.

"Yeah."

They both let out a lazy chuckle and the girl fell back against the couch. "So…" She hesitated and wondered if she should say something so soon but continued anyway. "Are you okay? That was kind of... intense and I just want to make sure you're alright."

Loki took a second to gather his thoughts and cleared his throat. "My mind went places I try very hard to keep hidden. I wasn't prepared, is all."

When he didn't say anything more she decided it was best to leave it there. She watched him lose himself in his thoughts again and immediately scooted closer. Grabbing his hand wholly, she pressed herself into his side lightly as not to startle him and gave him a reassuring laugh. "I've gotcha. You're stuck with me now, buddy."

He just closed his eyes and exhaled heavily, the slightest hint of a smile on his face. But then he remembered why he was in this strange situation in the first place. When he had initially walked into the common room, the girl's abnormally heavy presence had made him want to flee. He wondered for a second if it could have been an effect of the Midgardian drug but if he focused hard enough, he could still sense that same tension deep in her muscles.

"And how about you?" 

She looked at him uncertainly. "What about me?"

"Are you ok?"

She shook her head in confusion as she couldn't understand what he was trying to get at. Loki thought about giving it up but he managed to convince himself otherwise. Pay her the same courtesy she did you, he willed himself.

"When I walked in I noticed a particular...mood settling over the room. It wasn't much like you and I wonder if something upset you," he spoke, afraid he might be over stepping.

Recollection spread across her face and she laughed begrudgingly. Now that she had time to relax and let the day sink in -not to mention the external help of her good friend Mary Jane-, she could separate herself from the anxiety and stress of everyday college life. Four exams were nothing, she concluded. She'd gotten through worse before. She could do this.

"Yeah, I'm good. Just some trivial human stuff. But I'm ok, I promise." 

They looked at each other, both their eyes red and droopy. She had a soft, genuine smile on her face and Loki felt himself relax all over again. As the music met their ears once more, they fell into pleasant silence.

----------------------

When the team got home early the next morning, they were surprised to find the two asleep on the couch. With Loki's head hanging back against the couch and the girl's face smothered into his shoulder, it definitely wasn't the most comfortable condition to sleep in. And yet, these two, in their stubborn chaos, managed to make it work. Deciding not to disturb them, the team just let them be and didn't dare mention a word to them when they woke.

[max-is-tired]

Everything (everything will be just fine)

Pairing: established background Anxceitmus, the fic itself is Virgil-centric

Characters: Virgil Sanders, Deceit Sanders, Remus Sanders

Words: 1.304

Warnings: one (1) light sexual innuendo, deadnaming, misgendering, controlling parents, swearing, sympathetic Remus & Deceit

Notes: man I keep posting these fics later and later uh nsakjscncjk anyway, have some Virgil being confident and standing up to his parents, heck yeah. Also, big thanks to @figurative-siren-song for the prompt, I sure had lots of fun writing it <3

Commission me!!  Buy me a coffee!!  Join my Discord server!!  AO3!!

To say that Virgil was anxious would have been an understatement.

Every nerve of his body felt as if it was on fire, his heart beating wildly in his chest as he fought with everything he had not to break down right in the middle of the living room -there was no way his parents were going to miss that, and then he’d have to explain why exactly he was having an anxiety attack and he really did not want to do that.

Not yet at least, not until he was out of the house and ready to leave. If anything were to happen before that, Virgil was 99% sure things would not end up great. For him, anyway.

His phone buzzed in his hoodie pocket, startling him out of his thoughts.

[HissHissMotherfucker] hey, hows it going over there?

[GreenGoblinMan] ik i already offered but if you need me to i still have enough time to come over

[GreenGoblinMan] my morning star and i are great at emotional support :{D

Virgil snorted, shaking his head with a smile -god, why did he have to fall in love with these two dorks?

[RacoonMan] skjcndkjcn

[RacoonMan] we’re about to start loading up the trunk, so the Talk hasnt happened yet

[RacoonMan] and i think ill take a raincheck on that one, rem. i dont want to have to bail you out again

[GreenGoblinMan] awww D}:

[HissHissMotherfucker] dont worry spider, ill make sure he doesnt try to sneak out

[HissHissMotherfucker] do let us know when youre on your way though, we’ve got nightmare before christmas and black cauldron all set up and ready to go

[GreenGoblinMan] and i made grilled cheese!!! the edible kind, dee didnt let me play with any fun ingredients this time

[RacoonMan] you guys know im not big on cheesy shit

[RacoonMan] but god i love you a lot right now

[GreenGoblinMan] ilyt vevee!! and you can show us just how much you love us when you get here :{D

[HissHissMotherfucker] aaaaaaaand moment gone

Virgil huffed out another small laugh, bringing up the keyboard to type out an answer, only to be interrupted by the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. Quickly, he slipped his phone back into his pocket, taking in a deep breath as he steeled himself for what was about to come.

“Anne!” his mother called, stepping into the living room with a big smile. “Are you ready, dear?”

Virgil barely let himself wince at the mention of his deadname, far too used to it by now -if everything went according to plan, after today he wasn’t going to hear that name ever again anyway.

“Yup, all packed up and ready to be loaded in the car.”

Virgil’s dad nodded in understanding, the last of the boxes from upstairs still perched up in his arms.

“Very well, then let’s get started,” he said, gesturing with his head towards the front door they’d opened beforehand.

Virgil nodded, crouching down to take a few boxes of his own. Immediately, his mother shot forward, resting her hand on his forearm with a frown.

“Honey, let your dad handle the heavy lifting,” she said, voice sickeningly sweet, “that’s not something a girl should have to deal with.”

“Well, thank fuck I’m not a girl then,” Virgil wanted to say, feeling the familiar irritation bubble up in his gut. Still, he kept silent, biting the inside of his cheek until the urge passed.

Just a little more. He had to deal with all of this just a little bit more.

“Don’t worry mom, I got this,” he said instead, carefully shrugging her hand away. “Besides, if I let dad do all the work then I’d risk being late and getting stuck in the rush hour traffic, which I really don’t want to deal with.”

His mother huffed but relented, following Virgil out of the door as he went to settle the boxes on the asphalt beside the open trunk.

“I still don’t understand why you wouldn’t want us to come with, honestly,” she kept pressing, crossing her arms in obvious displeasure. “We can help you set your room up, make sure everything is alright…”

And that’s exactly why I don’t want you to come, Virgil thought, resisting the urge to roll his eyes as he walked back towards the house.

It didn’t take them long to load the whole car up, and before Virgil knew it, everything was set up and ready to go.

Well, time to get this show on the road, he guessed.

“We can still come with you, you know that right?” his father remarked for the fifth time in less than an hour. “Your college is not too far away, after all.”

“At least text us once you get there,” his mother huffed, “and remember, no pit stops or something of the like. Drive straight to your dorm, you understand me, young girl?”

This time, Virgil did roll his eyes, walking around the car towards the driver’s seat. “Don’t worry mom, the only place I want to be right now is my apartment.”

Virgil could almost pinpoint the moment his words registered for his parents, instinctively tightening his hand around his phone as his heart started to speed up again.

The device buzzed and he looked down again, seeing the new message blinking up at him from the screen.

[HissHissMotherfucker] you can do this, Virgil. We believe in you

Virgil smiled, his grip loosening as a sudden surge of confidence filled his chest. With Dee and Remus by his side, he felt as if he could overcome anything.

“You’re going to a college dorm, Anne, not an apartment,” his mother pointed out, eyes reduced to slits as she dared him to contradict her.

Virgil met her gaze head-on, the most unafraid he’d ever felt around his parents.

“Nope,” he said, popping the ‘p’, “I’m going to my apartment, where my boyfriends are waiting for me. I told you I didn’t want to go to college, not my fault you didn’t listen.”

“And what, you’re going to throw away your future like that?!” his father asked, looking absolutely flabbergastered. “You need your college degree, you can’t just throw away years of work and savings because you want to be rebellious!”

“No, you were the one who wanted me to go to college!” Virgil countered, ignoring the way his heart jumped in his chest when his father raised his voice. “I told you I wasn’t interested, but you never listened! Because what do I know, right? It’s not like this is my life we’re talking about or anything! And you can keep that money, I don’t need it -I have my own, and a job waiting just for me as soon as I settle in my new home.”

“You’re making a mistake,” his father warned, voice low and angry in a way that made Virgil’s stomach instinctively twist in fear. “Don’t think you’ll be able to just crawl back here for forgiveness when your little plan blows up.”

“Oh don’t worry, I’m not planning on it,” Virgil seethed, finally entering the car and starting the engine.

“Don’t you dare drive out of this driveway, young lady!” his mother shouted, slamming her hand on the car seat on Virgil’s right. “No daughter of mine will go waste her life with such bad influences!”

“Well, thank god I’m not your daughter then,” Virgil shot back, before pressing his foot over the accelerator and finally, finally leaving everything behind.

Once he reached a red light at an intersection, he let out a relieved laugh, resting his head on the steering wheel. Grinning, he slipped out his phone, typing out a quick text before taking the first turn towards his new life.

[RacoonMan] get ready to unload an entire car worth of things fuckers

[RacoonMan] im coming

[ughgclden]

bee, love, don’t apologise, please, it’s okay, and first and foremost, are you alright?? i hope you’re taking care of yourself, love, but i understand, i don’t think there’s been a year since third grade that i haven’t gotten pneumonia in the winter. I hope you’re feeling alright!!

honestly, dead poets society is one of my only personality traits anymore, i find myself drawing parallels to it constantly, for no reason but i love thinking about it. i’ve watched it so many times at this point, it’s,,, concerning. those tests always take me way less time than they give me, and i used to feel really awkward, i remember i took a bio one once, four hours they gave me, 45 minutes in, i was finished, and the moderator didn’t believe me. i aced it too, like the silly little neil kinnie i am. i’ve gotten used to the ‘worse’ side of being a neil kinnie, and honestly, now that my mum isn’t as controlling about everything as she used to be, it’s easier to deal with. i remember once, i’d gotten an 89 in algebra, and she threatened to pull me out of the fall show. that was a neil perry moment if i ever had one lol. the biggest thing these days is just imposter syndrome, imposter syndrome like oh you’re not hispanic enough, but also, you’re not queer enough, nonbinary enough, things like that. It’s exacerbated some days, but i try.

i watched the it movies on my cousin’s hbo,,, i may or may not have used it without her permission since she forgot to log out of my computer, but that’s neither here nor there. i remember having such a hard time taking the first one seriously initially, because of all the new kids on the block jokes, having a mum who was obsessed with them made it hard, especially when i actually got them all- in truth, the only midnight premiere i’ve been able to make was the force awakens, and i had school the next day too. i’m definitely a richie kinnie, and i have the internalised homophobia (only towards myself though) to prove it /hj my waterbottle has both a sticker of neil on it and a sticker of the r + e carving on it. in case there was any doubt about me lmao. stan kin makes sense for you, honestly, i can see it, i can see it.

okay so listen- no really, i’d bought them with the intention of only drinking half of one that night and spreading them out like that, but then came 9:45pm, and i had a research paper (on womens’ pockets/lack thereof) due at 10am that i simply hadn’t even started, so i downed them all in an hour and got the paper turned in at 5:56 in the morning. but i scare you huh? /hj bee, you’re too sweet, in truth, i’m fairly inelegant, but i try, as for the comforting and cosy, i’ll take you at your word, since that is something only someone interacting with me could discern. i do try to be kind to others for the most part. mainly i think because i’m usually on the other end of mean people.

i’m just perceptive like that bee, i dunno what to tell you, something just tells me, you know? /j and thank you, i always feel a little silly talking about it, because most of the tattoos i want are dead poets society tattoos, i guess some part of me, within the part of me that feels so incredibly tied to it, feels as if if i were able to get a tattoo i’d owe it to the movie in some way, if that makes any sense. i’ve already begged a friend of mine to go with me to get my first once i get to new york, the question though, is what to get first. i’ve got time to make a decision (for once in my life) i just spend a lot of time thinking about it.

honestly, i have never known a school rule to make sense. banning ripped jeans? banning dyed hair? it’s almost as if if they don’t stifle everything natural about kids expressing themselves they dont feel like they’re doing anything. but i digress. the same-sex couple rules were. awful. 12 year old me had enough going on without having an administrator yell at my friend and i for hugging in the courtyard and not leaving until we were a foot apart, but hey.

okay, jumping over a fence to go to a mcdonalds? how coming of age indie movie manic pixie dream girl of you /hj

200k words, is that a challenge? also ahaha not at all like my italian uncle up there just opened a ‘pizzeria’ /hj but mob!star au? might be a project i should start… granted, i’m not as good a storyteller as you, but i can try.

when i was little, i wanted to revolutionise things, i guess. i even actually wrote out a campaign, i wonder if its still somewhere. thank you for believing in me, but these days, bee, i’m thinking less about changing the world, and more about making it the next few weeks, and then the ones after that. little star was aware of so much, but also so little. i wonder what they’d think of me now, honestly.

i did, in fact, teach archery, it was so fun but my arms got SO SORE, and the kid who challenged my archery skills seemed surprised when i actually,, hit the bullseyes. my inner susan was happy then. incidentally the experience is also why i made a playlist called “touchstarved and wanting to teach you to shoot a bow” which low-key slaps when i’m lonely. and bee omg i cannot believe you said im better than susan pevensie i will be thinking about this for the rest of my life thank you- and yes, yes it was named aslan, however did you guess? /j prince caspian<33333

i’ll let you know my results from the tournament, as soon as they come out, and i say this having just put on pjs after taking off my suit, and sitting in the room with my cat in my dear evan hansen hoodie, frantically refreshing the results page because i’m anxious and impatient.

i hope you have a good night, with fitful and restful sleep, i’m sorry this got to be so long, but you know me, i certainly can talk. i’m honestly shocked i even made it to finals, considering i was running off four hours of sleep, having gone to bed at three last night. whoops.

all my love, hugs, and a warm mug of tea,

yours,

star✨

p.s i said yes so that?? happened?? it honestly feels surreal but we’re not gonna be in the same place anymore come the end of this year, so that’ll be something to deal with

P.p.s might just start adding spanish or latin or russian phrases to these if i keep having to translate your cute french bee /lh /hj

star my love, i know you said don't apologise, but i think the word 'sorry' makes up about 60% of my vocabulary. i'm okay!! was just a bit icky, but luckily i've recovered now!!

that's so nice - and again, makes so much sense for you. i think you would work perfectly in welton, i know it. i love bringing the messages from that film into my own life, as silly as it may sound. i'm astonished, and so fucking jealous of you. i used to finish tests maybe half an hour early, but hours is so impressive??? fun fact i did finish my physics final in about 45 minutes and slept for the other hour <3 neil would b proud my love!!! oh my god - i'm so sorry that happened??? but that is also so neil kinnie??? it seems futile me saying this, but i assure you that you are hispanic enough, and queer enough, and non-binary enough. you are enough, period. more than enough even. imposter syndrome is the worst, and i'm so so sorry you're dealing with it.

she did that to herself, you just saw an opportunity /lh a midnight premiere of the force awakens sounds so cute though omg - i hope you had the absolute best time. the r + e carving actually broke me. as a die hard reddie shipper since 2017, seeing the movie make it basically canon?! had me a mess in the cinema.

you are ridiculously comforting and cosy, everything about you feels like a warm hug from a familiar face and i love it. and the way you write is so smooth, it makes me think of a quill smoothly gliding across parchment, the deep black ink unsmudged and pristine. that seems a little pretentious of me, but oh well.

i also want some dps tattoos!! i desperately want "and still we sleep" from todd's poem, and was also so so tempted to get an outline drawing of meeks + pitts dancing on the roof. i love that, and i can't wait until the day you get it, whichever one it may be. my one concern is becoming addicted to them and making my bank account suffer - at least my piercing obsession is a little easier to fund /hj

i've NEVER gotten that - they claim it's 'distracting' but how on earth would it be?? when i got to college, no one was distracted by my dyed hair, and i certainly wasn't distracted by other people's outfits or painted nails. you were yelled at. for hugging. a friend.. what the fuck is wrong with these people??

just call me ramona flowers star /j it was possibly the highlight of my school career, sans hiding in the back room of the music room to avoid a maths test

i bet you're an amazing storyteller, if these letters are anything to go by. it would be a new york times best seller, i know it

we all have to take things one step at a time, i think. that's the only way i really get through things if i'm honest. one day after another and the cycle repeats. i love wondering what young me would think of me now - i'd probably be intimidated of myself, but i like to think i'd be proud that i'm still here, pursuing something i love

that playlist. sounds nothing short of sheer perfection. i too am touch starved and want to teach someone to shoot a bow - even though i.. cannot shoot a bow... but i can wield a sword so, it's close enough.

i saw your message about the tournament results - im so fucking proud of you!!!! you deserve it so so much and i couldn't be happier for you. see, your words and ideas are changing the world, even if you don't realise it.

ps; that is so fun???? omg im so happy for you star, you deserve tis <33 i hope towards the end of this year whatever happens leaves you both happy, no matter how far the distance.

pps; omg no.. please don't do that.. aha that would be awful... definitely wouldn't make my heart race.. haha not at all

all of my love, star. pardon the pun, but you are out of this world ;) i'll leave you with one of my favourite quotes;

il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé <3