#but im determined to actually finish a fandom week so im trying

[ofmermaidstories]

Bad day for nosy people who need to know what old fandom is 👀👀

lmao, i’m trying to talk myself out of it so that i don’t turn my current WIP list upside down on itself but. 🥹 i fear it has very powerful claws. 🦞 i’ve been mulling over like, why it ([Old Fandom]) is so attractive to me right now and i think it’s a combination of a few things!! like, one is the fact that i never originally left it by choice—real life kinda forced me away from my hobbies, and by the time i could circle back again, the fandom had died (i find it really interesting that so many modern fandoms don’t have staying power, but that’s a different discussion) and i was interested in different things. but now it’s seeing a revival and i’m remembering how much i loved it and how i never really… got closure for it, LOL, as silly as that sounds. 🥹 i never finished any of my ideas. 🥺 i went back into my old account actually, like a couple of weeks ago, and went through my fic drafts i had at the time and it—idk. i guess it just made me nostalgic. 🥹 it’s different, tonally, to what we do here in the bnha/x reader niche!! and it makes me itchy. 🥹😩 god!! so itchy. i wanna dig my fingers into it and move things around. dig it up from the garden. perform necromancy on the lover that doesn’t even know they’re dead, and blinks and finds themselves sitting in the same old kitchen with a cup of coffee in their hand. 🥹🥹🥹 i’m better equipped now—i know how to keep myself interested in long-term projects, how to finish them and, most importantly, what i like.

there’s a lot of stuff i like to write that i just don’t, here in our niche. either because it doesn’t fit in with the bnha world or just doesn’t like… suit the x reader POV. and that’s on me LOL, a better (or maybe more determined) writer could make all those things work, but part of what i like about bnha and x reader and [old fandom] is that they’re distinct—they all feel different. i wrote a lot before i got here!! i wrote so much. i wrote so much that i like, kinda burnt myself out on it LMAOO. there were tropes i liked and settings and tricks i used all the time that after a while they got boring to me. 🥹 and now after a million years of doing something different, i’ve realised—oh. i really liked all that. 🥹 i really like it, still.

idk!! idk. part of not naming the fandom is also because i haven’t decided if i wanna jump back in or not lmao. do i do it, knowing it’ll slow everything up even more? we tell ourselves all the time here in fandom circles that it’s just fanfic/fanart! you’re here to have fun! if it gets hard or boring or you wanna try something new—drop it! do it! you don’t owe anybody anything!! which is all very true yes sure. except i, me, mermie, want to finish things. i want the satisfaction of finishing the IAL series. im actually very proud of the fics, and while i know i will finish shouto’s (barring being kidnapped by pirates or aliens or death himself ig 💀), i also know im a slow writer, and that letting myself deviate off path into a completely different fandom will make me slower. 🥹 so idk. i guess ive just been ruminating on fiddly details like that LOL. also i don’t have a solid plot in mind yet (even tho i have a general gist of what i want) so that’s also probably the main leash rn LMAOOO. tbh if i get one im going in swinging, fist first, so let’s all hope that i remain idealess on that front lest the demons take me. 🥹🙏🏽

[hualianisms]

✦ what was your easiest fic to write & your hardest?

☉ what do you do when you get stuck writing?

✄ what’s your editing process?

✎ how do you think readers would guess a fic was yours if you posted anonymously?

tysm for the ask!! 🩵🩵 be prepared for a lot of yapping

✦ what was your easiest fic to write & your hardest?

easiest fic: this is a bit of a hard qn bc ive written 58 fics so far through the years and i forgot half the things i wrote kfjjfj but id say, the easiest was probably my first ever real fic, i.e. this hualian hurt/comfort fic where hc has a nightmare of the 100 swords scene. it was the first thing i wrote right after finishing reading tgcf and i wrote it all in one go and the dialogue & actions & characterization flowed so easily, i could picture the scene so easily in my head (which doesn't always happen for me). and writing hualian felt like the easiest thing in the world bc back in 2020 every little detail about them as characters and as a ship was imprinted in my mind so vividly... i miss those days 😔 my memory abilities have deteriorated since then

otherwise, iirc my first ever fengqing fic and my fenglian poem were also very easy to write

hardest fic: 😭😭 this could be so many of my fics tbh, there's so many i struggle so much with.. especially the unfinished wips, bc everything i actually posted means it wasn't the hardest, since i actually managed to finish them

but among my posted wips, i definitely struggled with the earlier chapters of my hualian fake dating au very badly at the earlier chapters and almost gave up on it which was why there was a 1-2 year gap btwn updates 😭😭 i actually went into a 1-2 year long burnout right after posting chap 1. luckily though, the most recent chapters got much better for me, finally reached a part of the story that's much easier and more fun to write (except that i wrote myself into a bit of a corner so ive been brainstorming how to get out of it). i just struggle a lot with multichaps bc my executive dysfunction issues make it very overwhelming for me to plot things. but im very determined to see this fic through to the end and finish my first ever multichap!

there's a lot more i struggled with - usually longer fics, fics for a new fandom (especially visual media fandoms. book/text-based fandoms are much easier bc you already have a canon peek into their character voice and narration style), non-canon ships that need a lot of wrangling to be believable, fics where i worry a lot about being ooc, fics that need action scenes or a real plot

the rest of the qns answered under the cut:

☉ what do you do when you get stuck writing?:

😭 it depends on why im stuck. i might ask someone for help w characterization. sometimes i just go for a jog/walk to clear my head and it works, otherwise if im rly stuck, especially plot-wise, I'll procrastinate and put the fic off for weeks/months

✄ what’s your editing process?

just rereading my own draft and rewriting or filling in the blanks where i feel like it can be better or is missing smth. i don't cut scenes often unless they're really bad. sometimes i rearrange entire paragraphs around to make them flow better

✎ how do you think readers would guess a fic was yours if you posted anonymously?

this is an apt question bc i have 2 anon fics rn and had a few in the past that i took off anon a couple of years later.. i think the easiest way to tell is my authors' notes. in both start & end notes i tend to yap + i usually apologize a lot in the start notes

besides that maybe fic titles (mitski). i think the genres and writing tone/vibe through my 50+ fics have varied a lot so i don't think that would be distinctive.. id be interested to hear if my writing style is distinctive bc i have no idea myself 🤔 i know i have some phrases i reuse across fics though (trying to work on that issue), and a bad habit of having long sentences sometimes (ive really been working on reducing this issue)

(send me an ask from the fic ask game part 1 or the fic ask game part 2)

[ajminyard3]

EYEWITNESS WEEK - day one - a character

did it make things better?

no, but it made me forget how bad things were.

[izusun]

Hello!! What is Alice in border land?

NDJEKDJWMENW HI! look man, i managed to ramble when answering this ask so pls dont mind me because this series is the shit im deep into (after bnha) and im having a hard time tryna get out of the fandom because ive absorbed all the aib content and i might have withdrawals ;v;

aib (alice in borderland) is a scifi, suspense-thriller, survival, shounen series.

there’s a live adaptation which is actually very well executed. there are two mangas (one main and one extra story), and the author also wrote a spin-off. there’s also a three-episode anime for it. season two is airing this year around november, i think?

in the briefest summary i could conjure, aib is a series about living in the borderlands. the “borderland” is place where they need to play life-threatening games to survive.

the major TW for the series: violence, killing, death

live action poster vs volume one manga cover

image source

under the cut, i went into details explaining alice in borderland. it contains MAJOR SPOILERS so do be warned

no one knows where the borderland truly is. the place resembles japan, but after finishing the manga, it’s exposed to the viewers that borderland is the space between life and death

one does not choose to go to borderland. the people (players) who are sent there are actually under the state of comatose in the real world, and if they die in the borderland, they die in the real world

only few get to the borderland (i think the initial players are just around 300-500? the rest of the population do not exist. for example, one character was on her way to visit her mom when she woke up and she’s just in the borderlands.)

the players do not actually know how they got to be there. all they know is that they saw fireworks and later they woke up to empty cities

to survive in borderland, one must play games

the games are life or death games. not only do they extend one’s stay in the borderland (“visas”), but the stakes are always human lives.

the games are split into the card suits: clubs (team work), diamonds (wit), hearts (psychological), spades (physical strength)

the number on the cards determine the difficulty level

sometimes the games do not have player limits. sometimes they do

if someone cleared the game, the number on the card means that that’s the number of days they can go without playing. for example, clearing 10 diamonds means granting them 10 additional days in the borderland

if they don’t play on the night before their “visa” expires, they will be killed. they can’t escape it. there’s a laser tracking them all the time and once their visa expires, it’ll shoot them down.

once a player enters a game venue, they can’t go out. if they try leaving or escaping, the lasers that are positioned at the door will kill them.

to win the game, they have to clear the game’s objectives. if they lose, they die.

to return to the real world, they must complete and win all the games (not only number cards but even face cards).

if they win all the games, they are given two choices: to stay and be a playmaker, or to go back home. those who died in the game, died in the real world.

ok so this might be confusing but bear with me:

when one arrives at the borderlands, the playmakers either recruit them to be dealers or they get left alone and automatically become players

game dealers are the people who watch over (“deal”) the games. they try to ensure that the players will lose.‼️the dealers are also players, in a sense‼️. if the players lose, the dealers get 2 week visas. if the players win, the dealers die. they are also not allowed to tell a non-dealer that they are dealers because they will be killed.

the playmakers were previous players. they won the previous games and chose to maintain in the borderlands to become game makers. they are the face cards (queen of hearts, king of diamonds, jack of spades, etc.)

when the players clear all the number cards, the playmakers play games against the players face-to-face. if the game makers win, they maintain their positions as the face cards. and if they lose, they are killed.

to be honest i still do not know and understand how this world came to be. the joker is a whole separate entity that “drives” them home, but even then we don’t know anymore of the world.

it’s an amazing thriller series. it makes you think; forces you to think bigger and not just sharper.

[qserasera]

2k?? Year End Fic Review

my previous year end fic review posts can be found in the tag here (if you’re confused by the year titles i had on there, i usually posted them on the jan 1st of the new year which is why they were like a year ahead)

so yes time for this year’s 20?? post jk it’s for all fics written from 2020 up to Jan 1, 2021, hahahaha

my 2 whole moods this year have basically alternated between this

and this pic

so yes let’s gooo

Total number of completed stories: 10 completed stories

Total word count:  77,387 (70k?? this is like...triple my usual wordcount in a year. what.) Fandoms written in: Persona 5 Royal primarily, the Witcher, and Ebon Light (a cool free visual novel) 

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? excuse me friends and gentle enemies, we’re in a pandemic : /  but a lot more hahaha ha? a lot more  щ(゜ロ゜щ)

What’s your own favorite story of the year?  was pretty satisfied with how irregular resolution turned out, and people seemed to like it!! so just about a win-win on two counts 

Did you take any writing risks this year?  a few?? hmms

wrote a 7k fic for a tiny niche visual novel

Actually jumped into writing p5 fic which i simply had not Done before despite being an akechi goro fan for 3+ years :’’))

wrote a 20k?? completed thing???

posted that one rule 63 girl!protag p5 fic i had always tossed around in my head

wrote (1) nsfw E-for-explicit fic... unbelievable

Do you have any fanfic or ofic goals for the New Year?

more fic, maybe work up the courage to apply for a zine because it looks like a Fun experience

co-writing smth would be fun again, i should get back into that

try to get (1) ofic done, between 2k-5k should be manageable!!

My best story of this year: structure-wise, i really thought closing speed ended up working even better than i thought it would and i was pleased with it; special mention to caliology for getting to finish it by the determined posting date writing-wise, an arrow, a dart, a flare in the dark was also something that a lot of work had been put into for smth that was written in a...month...a little less than?? (maybe it was 4 weeks and a half) My most popular story of this year:  going strictly off hits & kudos, ambiguity aversion takes the top spot (almost 4000 hits??? 500 kudos???? y’all??)...my first p5 shuake fic i had ever written...im slightly teary-eyed ; w ; Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: your local fic writer is supported by the feedback of generous readers like you haha i can’t pick one, so far being in a semi-regularly active fandom is really Wild in how much feedback you sometimes get...it provides that small dose of serotonin that gets me thru the week so thank u

hmms, i suppose i’m not sure how many readers did end up reading catch us on our good side (my one p5 scriptfic format actors’ au), but that was something written mostly for light-hearted fun And was not set in a canon-setting so it’s absolutely understandable Most fun story to write: +the vaguely princess-bride fairytale au wishes wisely expounded was esp enjoyable

+stand and deliver your diamond ring, as it was really just a chance to string together a bunch of Emotionally cinematic moments and less of an exercise in moving through  the entire p5 plot _(:3」∠)_ 

Story with the single sexiest moment: i feel like i should mention an arrow, a dart, a flare in the dark here going by ratings but on the other handd, im going to have to go with this snippet from closing speed (in which goro has practical reasons for thinking about touching akira’s mouth :)))

Goro's glance moves up.

A couple flecks of frost still cling to Akira, collected from their brief walk outside. A few nestle in the dark of his curls.

And another one, there, at the corner of his lips.

Goro's fingers curl into his palms. He shoves his gloved hands deeper into his coat pockets, instead of—instead of—

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: it’s hard to say--both akira AND goro can sometimes be these fiddly puzzleboxes of a character, in which u have a general idea of how the character might act, but when u try to get a handle on who they are they also surprise you when they’re with each other or whether it’s during a canon-setting/post-canon/canon divergence/au. hmm...the perception/usual version of akira that i write tends to fall along the lines of a softer/more restrained version who nevertheless has a lot of Thoughts & Feelings that just kind of bubble out regardless; goro is angry and driven and likes smart banter, but is sometimes just Tired (tm) it feels like if any story got me closest to a character’s mindset, closing speed would be one of my top picks for getting-really-close to akechi goro’s head Hardest story to write: an arrow, a dart, a flare in the dark just Kept getting longer because joker wanted to keep talking...they were really only supposed to go thru 40% plot and 60% making out, kurusu akira pls be quiet akechi goro is Trying to make out with you!!! Biggest Disappointment: none really? Biggest Surprise: people...thought my prose was pretty??? they told me they liked the writing i do for fun?? Incredible  ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ how did i trick you all

special shoutout to the akeshuakes disco, the general supportive and energetic atmosphere has been invaluable to just going with my gut and posting whatever fic i had a half-thought of posting ; w ;

also i got noT ONE BUT TWO podfics on some of my fics from tinier fandoms that i had written for before, i was all !!!! with surprised delight, do go listen to them if you happen to like those fandoms not tagging anyone but would be Delighted to read about other people’s thoughts and processes if you do want to use this meme/year end fic summary format

[ralexsol]

it saddens me that the one-shot culture has taken over ao3.

i don’t see many people talking about it, because of exactly what i just said - the culture has taken over. most people don’t notice it because they’re just readers and they want something short and sweet. but as a longfic writer, it’s crippling to me.

maybe it’s different in other fandoms. but with ninjago, sanders sides, and the dream smp, it’s been the same problem. nobody really reads longfics.

there are a few exceptions - the big names. like with dsmp, you have “heat waves” and “passerine.” but outside of that? not much.

maybe i’m just a bad writer of descriptions, but my completed dsmp 27-chapter 180k-word longfic that i released a new chapter of every week without fail last year? 3790 hits. “oh, well that’s quite a lot-” with only 16 bookmarks and 68 kudos.

for comparison, my 714 word tintin oneshot has 545 hits and 73 kudos. im too tired to do math atm, but the ratio of hits to kudos for the oneshot is abysmally larger than my dsmp longfic.

i don’t know what i’m doing wrong. i made it clear that i was a perfectly consistent updater of reasonably long chapters (5k-8k words each). i had a set number of chapters instead of the eluding (?). i had an engaging, original story with almost every character from the dsmp. i maxed out the tags with the shitton of stuff that’s in the book - and actually went 15 over the mark the first time i went through everything. this should be a treasure for dsmp fans.

but then i realize what it is. it’s the fact that nobody does this, with few exceptions. nobody spends hundreds of hours crafting an intricate, high-fantasy dystopian longfics that’re longer than the fucking fellowship of the ring. nobody does that because nobody reads that.

all i see when i search shipping tags is oneshot after oneshot, in both the dsmp and the jrwi fandom. any fics longer than one chapter have the annoying (?) that tells you the author doesn’t actually know if they’re gonna finish it, that they don’t have a full plan.

i get that people are busy. i get that fandom culture is supposed to be fun and games. but when i pour my heart & fucking soul into creating a masterpiece, i want people to read it. i want people to theorize, to enjoy it.

i have 23 comments on the 1st proxies fic of mine (the dsmp longfic). the 2nd one, which i’m publishing/writing right now, has 3 - all by the same person, commenting once per chapter. do you understand why i’m so upset by this?

i’ve also been publishing the books on quotev, which has always been my home base in regards to fanfic-posting. the difference in reception is mind-boggling. for the 1st book, i had around 7-10 people posting their thoughts and theories on every chapter. and it was the same for my sanders sides series, lies! people read it, engaged with it, and stuck with it. they interacted with me on my activity post, where i would give hints for the next chapters. they cared about it, because they actually wanted a story and not just another fluffy oneshot that’s been done 50 times before.

but it’s not enough. i’m trying so hard to stay motivated, but i don’t think it’s hard to imagine why my determination is failing. i’m so busy with school and new hyperfixations - just roll with it, back to the future/michael j. fox - as well as working on a jrwi animatic! i have so many other things to do, but proxies is always nagging at me, because i don’t want to give up on it.

it’s a daunting road, writing a longfic. i succeeded last year, but just barely. i was so burnt out that i didn’t touch microsoft word for 3 months, and the last 3 months of writing the book was like nails on chalkboard. knowing how hard it will be towards the end, i’m scared of trying again.

proxies fans on quotev tell me that i don’t have to have a regular updating schedule. but although they might stick with me, ao3 won’t - the very few people that read it on there. they’ll move on to their new oneshots and forget about the message i’m trying to share.

and then there’s the fact that i want to move on from fanfiction and write my own books. but i definitely can’t do both at the same time, and i don’t know how long proxies #2 will drag out.

so, please. if you’re mainly a one-shot reader, try a longfic. find one that is promising and make the time to read it. comment on all the chapters, share your ideas, interact with the author. they will adore you for it, and it might just give them the push they need to see it through. it’s a small moment for you, but it could literally change their life.

[voltagefangirl19]

MC as a hitwoman hired to kill the bidders (his POV)- Soryu Oh

I think this is one of the longest and hardest hc/fic (I don’t even know anymore Dx) that I’ve written, I don’t even know if its okay, but if even one of you enjoy it then it’s worth it :D part 1   part 2 Eisuke’s version  story: written, brain: dry, quality: low Im forcibly removed from the fandom

I was in my office, exchanging anxious glares between the document I had in front of me and the phone, like the past two, almost three weeks now, waiting for Samejima to tell me if ______ was alright. I knew from the second day of the month, that I was being targeted, although I didn't know by who, whoever was stalking me must have been stalking _______ as well, so I assigned her a pair of my subordinates as bodyguards. The first day that happened, both guys came up to me with an unbelievable story: supposedly, ________ was chasing me and protected me from a guy that was going to kill me before they could intervene, I didn't believe it at first and I wanted to ditch that thought, but it kept bothering me so I started my research, and I realize that there was a dark part of her that I didn't know...: she was a hitman, a hitwoman more accurately. 

I had to avoid her for an entire day for the information to sink in, after all, how could a girl so sweet and nice as her be a killer? How was it possible that the only woman who cared for and treasure me, my only sunshine, be a murderer?, I thought that it would take an eternity for me to accept that my beautiful and nice girlfriend wasn’t as innocent as I thought; but then I realized that I missed her, that I was now attached to her, it was a very odd feeling, a very needy one, so I made up an excuse for not contacting her. I was a little hurt that she didn't tell me anything, but as much as I love her, I would wait for her to tell me everything her heart desired. At least that was what I tried to do.

While I was at the office, I made my own little research about her company, a very famous one in the underground actually, and apparently, ________ was one of the top killers, honestly I didn’t know how to feel with that, in a way I was proud, but... ever since I knew her and knew that I was in love with her, I wanted her to be as far away as she could of the evil and darkness that was surrounding me, yet there was the probability that I was wrong, since I didn’t know since when she had joined that company, there was a high chance, no, it was almost certain that something happened in her life that made her took that path. 

In any way I was ready to support her and to tell her what I knew, so during the second week I went to visit her to her room in the Tres Spades’ staff dorms, I wouldn’t lie, I was pretty excited to see her, since seeing _______ somehow made my day worthy, yet when she opened the door, the bandage in her arm caused my heart to sink with concern, I didn’t know why but she was still trying to protect me; that only thought changed something in me.

“I know” was what I said that day after we drank the tea that she made for us

“What?...”

“I know about your secret life” I made a pause, I could see the panic in her eyes, how a person so easy to read as she could be a killer? “I know about your job as a hitwoman” I saw ______ literally freeze for a moment, so I knew that I had to keep going before any misunderstandigs could take place “I want you to know that that doesn’t change my feelings for you nor my intention to marry you in a near future” her expression relaxed but was still tense, my eyes went straight to her bandage, she followed my gaze “What happened? and please don’t lie now” she sighed in a defeated way

“This is a scratch, but it was made by a sharp USMC razor blade” she made a pause, probably trying to sense my response, it was an odd feeling to hear her talking about weapons, but as I kept my focus on the wound, I was more determined, so I decided that I had to get used to it “A month of fighting and to kill the former customer, the one who asked me to finish you, those were the requirements my boss gave me to resign” she said

“Do you need help with the last one?”- I asked by instinct, but at the same time, somewhere deep inside me, I already knew the answer

“That’s… already done” her apologetic look took me by surprise, more than the fact that the girl I believe was completely innocent had just admitted killing a man

“I see” that was the only thing I managed to say

“I… have one week left until I can send my resignation and to finally be free” she made a pause, then she took her purse and took out a locket with a symbol that I didn’t know, ____ gave it to me, it was cold but somehow I knew that it had sentimental value for her, she watched me observing it and then she kept talking “It’s a coat of arms…. The symbol, it belongs to my family, a family of killers” she looked at me with a bit of self-pity in her eyes “I was trained since birth to be a hitwoman, I don’t even know how to do anything else, still, I wanted to have a normal life, so I started off as a maid here in Tres spades, I… was able to live like this because I was the best, top of the class, one of the best assassins in the organization, etc. Let’s say that the freedom in which I have been living until now is the result of my hard work, I didn’t mind but then… someone asked me your head, refusing would’ve to mean putting all of you guys in danger, so after a long time of negotiation I got the best deal I could, sorry for not telling you anything earlier, but…” her voice cracked, and my hand got on top of hers instinctively

“It’s okay” I understood, even if it hurt a little to be lied, she was doing her best to protect us, the other bidders and myself “Anyway... do you need help, fighting those guys?” as usual, I wasn’t comfortable with the idea that the woman I love was in danger, yet she looked at me with a serious and confident expression

“I’m okay, after all, if I can’t do this kind of things, how could I ever be the wife of the boss of the ice dragons”

‘I really, really love this woman’ that was what I thought as I saw her cute face blushing as she just realized the things she said

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

The last day of the month clashed with an important business of mine, I was preparing the necessary ‘documents’ for the negotiation when a knock sounded on my door

“Come in” It was a surprise to see her there, especially with a concerned look on her face “What’s the matter? I don’t see you coming here often”

“I… suspect that there is going to be a second assassin today, I have done my research and I have evidence that supports that theory” she said and proceed to show me the multiple emails, contracts and bank accounts movements of the ones she thought were the hitmen responsible for today’s mission

“You know it's highly probable that this are fake right? With the intention of confuse you and make you think that you ahead of them” I analyze the information in front of me in full mobster mood

“That’s a possibility, but even so, the money movements of the organization as well as their GPS tracking and weapon logistics suggest that there’s going to be more than one assassins today”

“Well, you may be right about that...”

“Of course I am! Who you think you are talking to, Mr. Mob boss?” she asked with a smirk. I giggled at her sassy remark

“For a moment there I thought I was talking to Eisuke” I pat her head as she pouted

“Hey now, that’s not fair”

“No it isn’t” I smirked as well before pulling her for a kiss, when we part she was blushing ‘God how can she be so adorable?’ “So what’s the plan?” I asked as I assumed that she already had one, _______ just grinned as if she just had been waiting for that question.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

According to _______’s plan, we changed the location from the other gang’s quarters to a neutral port downtown

“First let's change the meeting location, here is a good place, for the mob is a neutral zone, right? And I know the place since a few of my contracts happened there” she said “After that I’ll locate myself in this building nearby, for your safety put other two snipers here and here just in case”

“And for yours?” I asked in a concerned voice

“I’ll be fine don’t worry about it” 

‘Even if you say that…’ was what I thought

“Don’t worry boss I’ll protect you, even if it’s the last thing I do” Inui said with a dramatic voice, probably sensing my stress  

“I appreciate it Inui, but it’s not myself who I’m worried about”

“________ will be alright boss, her plan was very elaborate and almost flawless let everything in her hands” Samejima added, I simply nodded, as I saw that the other party was arriving at that same moment, we walked in their direction, there were the boss and other two subordinates, one of them carried a big stack of wooden boxes

“We brought the goods, did you bring the money?” the boss asked, Samejima opened the case he had and showed them the payment, the boss nodded in approval “Let’s exchange” Samejima walked towards them and give the man with the empty hands the case, while the man carrying the boxes gave them to Inui

“It's always a pleasure to make business with you Soryu, and the Ice Dragons of course” the mob boss said while he and his men turn around and walked towards their car, we did the same and that was when happened, three loud bangs echoed in the place as well as the scream of one of the men, we turned around at the same time that the others, we all dragged our guns “What’s the meaning of this Oh?!” the other boss demanded to know

“Why don’t you ask him?”- I rebutted while pointing the guy’s bloody GLOCK G40 on the ground, the pistol’s direction was aiming to us.

“Soryu?” I heard _______’s voice in the transmitter she gave me earlier “That man is not one of the top killers but he definitely works for the organization, I’m still looking out for any other threat that could be...”

“So here is where you were”- I heard a faint manly voice and then a series of shootings

“_________!!!!” I yelled, but the connection got cut “Dammit! Samejima, take care of the rest!” I order and ran towards the building where I knew ______ was.

My heart was beating painfully and my own breathing hurts as I went up the stairs, when I reached the last floor I started to hear them, I prepared myself to shoot 

“It was a nice work you did, but I’ll end you here and take your place as the best” the same voice that I heard before was talking now, I peek through the door and saw ________ fighting for her life against two boker combat blades, one in each guy’s hands pointing to her neck, her eyes focused on mine for a second, I didn’t even think about it and shot at the man’s back, after that she took one of the blades and stab the guy’s neck, I ran to her and hugged her, without caring about the blood in her sleeves

“Are you okay?”- I asked in a bit of panic

“I-I’m fine, thank you…although I was supposed to be the one to protect you” after everything that happened she pout just because I ended up helping her, I couldn’t restrain myself and laughed, I really loved her, she was so strong and adorable at the same time

“Let’s get out of here, finish the meeting and go home, because I really want to celebrate our victory here by having some private fun with you” I said with a teasing tone, she blushed as usual, I took her hand and lead her to the exit, as we were walking I could felt her tiny and warm hand entwine with mine and I realize that we could do anything together, I wanted to protect her so bad before, yet she saved me in more ways than one…

I could say in conclusion, that this woman was the most adorable and deadly I’ve ever known, and she was mine just as I was hers        

this was really hard to write guys, no kidding Dx so...  I’ll really appreciate any feedback you guys have for me, I hope the others are easier, it may take long but I’m still going to finish this series, thank you all for your support u,u  

[izukacchan]

fandom: Boku No Hero Academia

pairing: Katsuki Bakugou/Midoriya Izuku

A/N:   this is a lot longer than the previous chapter and im sorry but this short little thing is now complete! I hope you all enjoy <3 (Also i always attach the fic itself onto my posts but i’d read this on AO3 for text format reasons :O)

Chapter 1

Chapter 2 (here)

-

It’s always fucking Deku.

For all his life, whenever Deku was involved his body set off some kind of voluntary alarms, so nothing about this was a new sensation, but the fact that the center of all his attention, admiration and...affection? -- that’s disgusting, forget he even thought that -- whatever it’s called, all of it being pointed in Deku’s direction to this degree was a new level of danger he wasn’t ready to handle.

What even was it? He knew Deku stood out, he knew Deku was different, but so did everyone else who ran into the asshole, so why had he let himself fall this deep?

Flipping around on his back and throwing his hands into his face he groaned long and loudly in annoyance. Something about this bastard was keeping Bakugou’s heart locked in place and tied around his little finger, every word held some new weight of significance that didn’t previously exist and it was making his stomach whirl.

Friend.

Rival.

Partner.

Why?

Why him?

Bakugou slammed the door to his bedroom behind him and let out the roar he’d been keeping in his chest all night...no, all day…no…all this time of nothing but fucking buildup for months erupted from his heart and out of his mouth as he kicked off his shoes and paced around – face buried in his hands frustratingly.

While pacing and growling into his palms he heard three knocks come from the outside of his wall.

This school could pay to get a dorm building set up in less than a few weeks, but couldn’t put enough of that budget into making sure the walls weren’t paper fucking thin, so often Kirishima would bang on the other end of the wall in the most convenient way possible of telling him to quiet down.

At that warning, Bakugou immediately resorted to trudging himself to his bed, collapsing face first into the mattress, and screaming angrily into his pillow instead.

Why Deku? Out of all the people in the world why was it Deku?

It’s always fucking Deku.

For all his life, whenever Deku was involved his body set off some kind of voluntary alarms, so nothing about this was a new sensation, but the fact that the center of all his attention, admiration and...affection? -- that’s disgusting, forget he even thought that -- whatever it’s called, all of it being pointed in Deku’s direction to this degree was a new level of danger he wasn’t ready to handle.

What even was it? He knew Deku stood out, he knew Deku was different, but so did everyone else who ran into the asshole, so why had he let himself fall this deep?

Flipping around on his back and throwing his hands into his face he groaned long and loudly in annoyance. Something about this bastard was keeping Bakugou’s heart locked in place and tied around his little finger, every word held some new weight of significance that didn’t previously exist and it was making his stomach whirl.

Friend.

Rival.

Partner.

Almost a decade of falling out and still being enraptured in each other made Deku both a familiar and unfamiliar presence, one that still managed to surprised him but he still somehow knew better than anything else. It was an odd mixture that made Bakugou realize no matter what, him Deku weren’t ever going to be the ideal perfect image of childhood sweethearts that you’d read about from a fucking shoujo, but even so…. what was this?

“It’s nothing,” Bakugou muttered to himself through grit teeth, “It’s something, but it’s nothing, get a hold of yourself,”

Lifting himself up from the bed he kicked off his shoes and stood up to the direction of the bathroom to get a shower running.

He wasn’t going to let himself be some lovesick puppy, okay so he might – he has a crush on Deku.

Whatever.

The next day is coming and he can just ignore it, now that he’s unfortunately and agonizingly sure of these feelings he can keep up like a normal human being and try not to be too obvious, right? Other kids like his classmates may be terrible at hiding their infatuations but Bakugou wasn’t any ordinary kid.

He could take these feelings and kick it in the ass like he did everything else.

He tried his damndest to keep himself psyched on that ideology.

He went to bed chiming the promise to himself in his head as a reminder, and woke up the next morning reminding himself over and over again.

He felt good about it, grabbing his backpack and shoes he sucked in a deep breath and smiled smugly to himself, fully reassured.

The minute he stepped out the door he was gonna head to class, look Deku in the eye, and get on with his fucking life like none of this ever happe-

“…Oh! Good morning, Kacchan!”

The minute he opened the door, everything about Bakugou’s determined posture melted.

“What…” Bakugou, started staring at Deku in disbelief.

“Uh…”

“We’re.. we’re you…,” Bakugou looked around the hallway to see if anyone else was with Deku or was maybe heading this direction, but no, the only person around was the one infront of him, wearing a mixture of a nervous and amused wobbly smile, “How long have you been fucking standing out here?”

“Oh, not long!” Deku laughed, “I got here maybe a few minutes ago...I figured you know…it wouldn’t be too bad to walk to class together, right? You don’t mind?”

Deku looked up at him with teasingly pleading eyes and Bakugou’s heart skipped a beat.

“No… no, fuck why the hell would I care?” Bakugou grunted, “You should still probably think to maybe warn people before just popping up wherever the fuck you’d like.”

“I thought you just said you didn’t care?” Deku huffed out amused, “Kidding, kidding, you’re right… but erm…so the real reason I came a little unannounced is uh…”

Deku started twiddling his thumbs around and Bakugou was beginning to lose what patience he had.

“What? Open your mouth and talk,”

“Well uh,” Deku continued with a smile, lifting one hand to the side of his face as if he were about to tell Bakugou an important secret, and instinctively, Bakugou stiffened.

“Do you… have the answers to last night’s homework?” he whispered harshly.

What.

“Wh- what the…”

“Heh…heh…”

“Deku, what the FUCK why didn’t you fucking do it before th-“

All Might.

Bakugou stopped himself, and Deku looked a little relieved he understood.

“Hah...yeah well see, I was going to do it before coming to Kirishima’s but then… I got a little caught up you know?” Deku started twiddling his thumbs again, “And when I got home last night, even though I was exhausted I thought about doing it then, but I remembered what you said about how ‘there’s no fucking point-,”

“-if you’re already halfway fucking dead,” Bakugou finished Deku’s poor imitation.

“Yeah, right! You said that last time I came to class kinda you know a little...” Deku knocked on the side of his head twice to finish his sentence for him and giggled nervously,  “in the end, I ended up passing out anyways, so I’m really sorry but,” he pressing his hands together apologetically he finished, “please, Kacchan?”

So, he fell for an idiot, a complete fucking idiot.

“What the hell ever,” Bakugou hissed throwing his bag over his shoulder and stepping past Deku to walk ahead, “Yeah, I got it done, you’re real damn lucky you can write fast Lightning-Hands,”

Deku sped up to catch up to Bakugou and settled into a pace right beside him, shoulders brushing. They had been at this for awhile but suddenly the significance of Deku walking alongside him was a lot more evident, and he had to temper the shade of red threatening to cross over his face.

“’Lightning-Hands’… that’s a new one, although it makes me think of Kaminari a bit,” Deku pouted, “anything a little more creative, maybe?”

“Sure, how about ‘step-the-fuck-off-you-fucking-nerd’,”

“Oh wow, that is creative…definitely a mouthful though…not your best work,”

“You know what? You can fail actually, you get nothing.”

“Kacchan wait, no please,” Deku mockingly whined with a laugh.

“You heard me! Nothing, you fucking asshole,” Bakugou tried to sound serious but the smile creeped up on his face against his own wishes as Deku knocked into his side trying to reach for Bakugou’s bag.

All down the hallway their bickering continued, the sound of Deku’s laughter followed by Bakugou’s sneers echoed against the walls unknowingly waking up the last few people sleeping in, and momentarily startling the students already awake, but much groggier than pair.

This was not an unusual occurrence for the class these days, and Bakugou was only maybe halfway aware of how embarrassing it was because the other half of him always decided in the moment he didn’t really give a fuck as he knocked Deku around and the two of them chased each other down the hall.

‘Lightning-Hands’? What was I thinking?

Behind him, Deku was hurriedly copying Bakugou’s work down, whilst the blond ran his fingers through his hair frustratingly, clenching his teeth and flexing his fists.

He couldn’t tell what he was more embarrassed about, the fact that he may have been flirting or how he’d chosen to go about it. Either other way it was pissing him off as reality had finally dawned on him for the moments he wasn’t in speaking range of Deku.

So much for kicking this infatuation in the ass, everything mundane about their interactions were now hitting Bakugou like a train. Actually, it had been doing this before, so this was more like 10 trains consecutively piling on each other.

When Aizawa came dragging himself into the classroom and picked up their homework, Bakugou tried to focus on the old man instead, trying to put everything off his mind to focus on the one goddamn thing in the class that wasn’t going to give him as much heart burn.

Sometime in the middle of Aizawa talking, Deku started poking on Bakugou’s back.

He was still unbearably irritated, and now wasn’t the time, but Deku was insistent.

“Kacchan… psst, Kacchan,”

“What,” Bakugou whispered harshly not bothering to turn around like he normally would.

“You have to turn around, hey…” Deku whispered just as harshly, continuing to poke at his shoulder.

The tingle he got from the contact was returning, and the quickness of his heart beat only proved to piss him off more than it did excite him.

“Whatever you have to say, say it now.”

“What? No, turn around I want t-“

“Either say it don’t!” Bakugou whispered in a yell, still refusing to turn around and harshly slamming his fist down on the desk.

“Midoriya, Bakugou, do you two have something to share with the class?” Aizawa grunted, clearly annoyed with seeing the two furiously go back and forth.

Normally, Bakugou would turn around and freely communicate with Deku, in the few times Aizawa had admonished them it had been because they were too loud laughing, too loud with sounds of approvals, Deku’s “Ohhh”’s and “Ahhh’s” over whatever they were blabbing about causing a disruption, those kinds of things.

Typically, he just didn’t mind, but Bakugou’s dealt with enough class call-outs to not be bothered by Aizawa’s tone whatsoever.

And even though this instance was definitely a little different, Bakugou had become a master of coming up with a fake response on spot.

“No, Sensei. Deku was just asking a question,” Bakugou replied as though it were rehearsed, “It’s over with and dropped now, right?”

Bakugou aimed the end of his question at Deku, and though a little perplexed, Deku responded back.

“Y...yeah sensei, it’s okay really, sorry,” Deku called.

With a dissatisfied sniff, Aizawa turned back around to the board to continue his lesson, Deku buried his face back in his notes and didn’t prod at Bakugou again. Somehow a lot of the tension Bakugou was feeling had went away with knowing Deku’s insistence had been killed.

The remainder of the class went on normally, and it’s when lunchtime hit that Bakugou realized he had another issue.

“Kacchan!” Deku had stood outside his desk waiting for him to get up, “we’re eating lunch on the rooftop today right?”

Bakugou and Deku had started a tradition of eating lunch alone together when Deku came back from meetings and discussions with All Might. It was a time dedicated mostly to Deku talking about all the things the mentor and student had spoken to about in private, and Bakugou more than willing to listen and feed into all of Deku’s worries and excitement. It was something he’d rather Deku blabber about to him than just anyone again, anyways. It was easily an excuse for alone time, and Bakugou had found himself actually looking forward to it whenever Deku approached him with the invitation.

But today….

“Guh…uh,” Bakugou started, and Deku’s face looking a little disappointed, “Not…not today,” Bakugou picked up his lunch and bag and stepped away from Deku to keep a distance from his face, “You can just tell me later, or something I guess, but I promised the gang I’d sit with them and entertain their bullshit for a day.”

Deku looked at Bakugou as if he wanted to ask ‘why would you do that?’ - and he was right, why the fuck would he do that – but he seemed to think better of it and just resigned to a sigh.

“Okay…that’s um…that’s fine, you have fun, I’ll sit with the others too…” Deku was clearly a little sad and worried looking, but he took in a breath anyways to finish his sentence, “be nice to them okay? Don’t let them drive you too crazy,”

He forced a laugh, and Bakugou feeling a little bad and decided to go ahead smile smugly back.

“There’s no fucking way that won’t happen,”

Having been a little reassured by Bakugou’s silly response, Deku’s down-trodden face slowly began gleaming again, and with a laugh he turned to exit the classroom.

“I figured,” he laughed over his shoulder, “Still…good luck, anyways!”

As Deku exited the classroom to head to the commons, the minute Bakugou heard the last of his footsteps, his smile dropped into an evident and irritated frown.

The feeling from last night of being separated from Deku was erupting again, but now equally piled on with the irritation of knowing these feelings were making his stomach sick again.

He had to stay away from Deku.

Because avoiding the problem has always worked, right? Bakugou’s conscious asked sarcastically to himself before choosing to ignore it.

If he avoided the problem, he could figure out how to deal with it.

That was his new plan.

So at the end of the day when everyone was packing to leave, instead of waiting for Deku, he got his things and said he was going to his dorm alone.

“Alone?” Deku looked disappointed again.

“Yeah, as in ‘by myself’,” Bakugou grunted.

He never bothered coming up with an excuse for Deku or a lie, this was just the situation, and even if Deku looked like he desperately wanted to ask ‘why?’ or ‘what’s wrong?’ he just lowered his gaze slightly and complied.

“Well…alright, I’ll see you later then I guess?”

“Yup,” Bakugou replied quickly with little care, “later.”

Bakugou hurriedly exited the classroom, didn’t look at Deku’s eyes, didn’t stop to see if he had something more to say, just grabbed his things and walked out with his head held high.

This was a start.

When he got home he immediately threw his things down, and settled on his bed, ready to do this self-reflection thing and find a solution to the problem.

However, Day 1 of figuring out how to solve his infatuation only came up with one answer:

Avoid him.

The next day, Bakugou did just that.

Deku approached Bakugou in the morning at his desk as he usually did and gave a beaming, “Good morning!” to which Bakugou simply replied to with a wave and didn’t bother looking Deku in the face.

Normally, Bakugou would have responded with a grunt or at least some snide remark but his passiveness caused Deku to freeze in shock from going toward him for a moment, and with a worried look, he opted to turn around to talk to Uraraka and Iida instead.

This lasted for the rest of the week, Deku made open approaches and Bakugou either ignored him or hardly gave a response. Having Deku out of his space cleared his head a little more, but made little room for the intrusiveness his more painful and berating thoughts.

You’re an idiot.

“Kacch-,“ Deku had whispered behind him one day, trying to start a conversation before being interrupted by Bakugou abruptly raising his hand.

“Aizawa-sensei can I be excused I gotta take a piss.”

You’re doing it again.

“Kacchan, hey are you-“ Deku started another day, but had been cut off by the sound of Bakugou’s chair screech as he stood from his desk once again leaving early for home.

“Kacchan!” Deku had called at Bakugou’s back but he didn’t turn back to respond and just kept moving forward.

Don’t talk to him.

Sucking in a breath Deku approached Bakugou with his lunch and slammed it down on his desk, a bit of a desperate look painted his eyes but the smile of his still gleamed.

“Kacchan? All Might told me something really cool the other day, can we talk about it?” Deku spoke quickly, but his voice was left with a tinge of strain as he tried to hold up.

“No. Not today,” Bakugou avoided eye contact in his cold response, which was not nearly as strong as he felt.

You want to talk with him.

The next day Bakugou had walked out the classroom early, he of course wasn’t met with Deku’s excited gleam on the path home, he walked the sunset shadowed sidewalks alone. The sound of the wind and clinging gates that had been previously drowned out by the sound of Deku’s voice and his laughter on the trail were now louder than ever, and the pain in his heart was inescapable.

You’re starting to miss him.

Lain sprawled on his bed and staring at the ceiling, Bakugou grabbed a pillow from his left, repeated the thing he did the first night of his realization, and screamed.

Bakugou had spent more time trying to figure out how to avoid the situation than actually solving it, but the problem wasn’t him, it was Deku.

Deku was making him feel like this.

Deku was making him feel sick.

Deku was making him feel weak.

So how was he supposed to confront the problem if the problem’s existence twisted his insides just as much as being away from it did?

Tossing and turning, he tried to sleep, but everyday of this created a new pile up of noise in his mind that he couldn’t tune out, so much noise that he almost didn’t notice the sound of phone vibrating behind him.

Against his best wishes, his heart skipped excitedly when he opened up the phone to see the notification.

FUCKING DEKU now

Hi Kacchan! :)

Bakugou stared wide eyed at his phone for a bit, wondering how to respond. The bridge of texting him took a lot of his edge off, but he realized if Deku started asking questions about his behavior, he’d probably have to cut it off.

With that in mind, he sent the most neutral response he could think of.

what the fuck do you want

Bakugou expected a reply immediately, but there was a moment of silence between the notification of Deku having read his message that made him a little more nervous than he’d expected. However, when signal showing Deku was typing finally showed up, he stared at his phone expectantly.

nothing I just wanna talk…! ^^;

Bakugou grimaced at the response, it was too vague for him to entertain so instead he returned the favor.

I don’t have anything to talk about

After sending the text, he knew he was lying. He wanted to catch up, he wanted to make up for what time he’d neglected, he wanted to see his inbox fill as Deku spammed him with handwritten notes and explanations, and he wanted to talk about all the mundane things in the world, but he knew it would all lead to Deku asking the questions he didn’t want to answer.

Whats been wrong?

Are you okay?

And he’d have to answer, he’d feel inclined to give Deku the reason, he’d be forced in that moment to confess once the question was lain down. Bakugou wasn’t going to place himself in a position to lie, saying “nothing” was not an option for him anymore, so instead he gave Deku the wheel to decide where to go.

oh…yeah, me neither honestly haha :’)

And the conversation was killed, successfully.

Feeling a little bummed about it damned himself, Bakugou decided to fill the void by scrolling up to old conversations instead.

He found an old one from October and smirked, remembering it.

Kacchan what are you doing for Halloween this year? :O

locking myself away from you freaks, don’t think I didn’t see u sneaking around with hair-for-brains and four-eyes. Im not getting involved

gah I thought we were being sneaky >_< Kacchan its just a Halloween party, it’ll be fun!

Everyones going to be dressing up like what the fuck? are you all still in preschool?

Kacchan you only stopped dressing up last year, you don’t have to look cool in front of everyone :/

You’re right, because im fucking awesome already

Haha I guess that’s true too <3

Ew

Don’t be like that! Anyways, if youre not coming can you help me think of a costume?

Sure, not All Might.

But KACCHAN I could ask him to borrow his REAL UNIFORM it’d be authentic!!

You don’t think everyone would find it pretty fucking weird if u had an "authentic" all might costume?

Eh….>_>;

No All might costume.

Bakugou remembered for a bit Deku had stopped the conversation, and there hadn’t been a response for about 30 minutes before Bakugou got irritated and felt the need to push his point more.

If I wrap some toilet paper around my head or some shit will you do it too so im not the only one looking like a fucking idiot? Why do you insist on sticking out like a sore thumb all the damn time

Deku had responded immediately

Oh! you mean like mummies?

What else is fucking wrapped in toilet paper

That’s actually kind of cute… sure why not! Itd be fun to do something with you :)

say something stupid like that again and im cancelling

Fine… that’s really cool of you Kacchan ^^ Do you think we should get seros or aizawa-sensei’s help instead of toilet paper tho??? It’d be more authentic!

Would you look at that? Halloween = Cancelled

KACCHAN IM SORRY

The conversation went on from there and in the end Deku convinced Bakugou to go with him to ask Momo to clone some of Aizawa’s wrapping instead. And the Halloween party had actually been fun save for someone in in the class tying his and Deku’s wrapping together on purpose, causing them to accidentally trip around and shit, you can use your imagination for that because honestly Bakugou would rather forget it.

Scrolling down, more conversations ensued.

If i got a fish would u get one with me? The dorms said those are the only pets we can have and im lonely ):

No bcs then id choose the biggest and baddest fish and you’d choose some small little baby fuckmunchkin

Whats your point?

My fish would kill your fish

okaaaay....so…why don’t we both choose either two big fish or two small fish?

Id still pick the fucking best fish and you'd have to hold a funeral

Ok Kacchan -_-

A little further down.

Deku guess the fuck what

What? :O

Bakugou was sure the sign for him typing had been up for a long time and he pouted a bit embarrassed if Deku had watched the phone for it.

I was sparring with the arms guy right? The dude with loads of fucking arms, I wanted to show I could beat him in a fist fight. everything was going fucking great, only fists, I was dodging and everything but then the mother fucker clocked me in the face and my nose started bleeding -- he was so distracted by it I flipped the piece of shit on his ass with a sweep kick

It was fucking awesome, I guess using legs and fists isnt as shitty when I do it

My nose is still bleeding too. It’s a fucking pool of blood deku it just AINT STOPPING

Bakugou remembered he had taken over that entire conversation while walking to class after the spar with a small towel under his nose and a self-satisfied smile.

However, by the time he had reached the classroom he had seen Deku and Round-Face speaking to each other, glaring at Deku’s phone with concern and confusion.

“I just don’t know how he expects me to respond to this Uraraka. Do I get worried? Do I say good job? Do I-“

“WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SHARING OUR CONVERSATIONS, DEKU?”

He kind of laughed at the memory now despite his irritation then, and continued to scroll through mindless conversations with Deku and finding the sick feeling in his stomach turn warm.

And as he continued scrolled through he made two assertions:

The first one being, Bakugou was so fucking obvious, anyone who read this would think Bakugou’s been pining for Deku since day one, he felt disgusted at his own lack of ambiguity.

The second realization being, Deku definitely couldn’t like him back.

Deku was Deku.

Always this kind to everyone and attentive to everyone’s will and wishes. Bakugou felt the sickness in his stomach return everytime a “<3” or a “cute” made him read the text as anything more than Deku’s usual shit.

And because of this, Bakugou knew he couldn’t ever let Deku know about these…feelings. No, he had to hope it would wane off, finding a way to deal with it only led to one solution: Telling him. And hell if Bakugou was going to scare Deku off with his own selfish, completely unreciprocated feelings.

He had to wait it off for as long as he could, and that meant continuing with his Deku-Deficiency.

So for weeks and weeks, Bakugou kept up avoiding him.

Every approach and every day Bakugou shook Deku off, the green haired boy’s face begun contorting from worry to annoyance over the course of time.

One day after Bakugou shrugged off another one of Deku’s invites to lunch, Bakugou thought he heard the boy growl in frustration.

And as this went on, Deku seemed to become more predisposed to just keeping away from Bakugou too. After the school day ended, with an upturned nose Deku would purposefully leave earlier than even Bakugou, and on days Bakugou had caught Deku leaving with All Might in the corner of his eyes, Deku didn’t bother asking him to lunch anymore afterwards. Instead Deku would happily bounce off with Uraraka and Iida while Bakugou went off with Kirishima and Kaminari.

Bakugou was a little grateful Deku got the message and also a little hurt. Still, he didn’t approach him, and they seemed to be in a mutual understanding of this arrangement. However, the oddity of it didn’t seem to miss the class.

Unfortunately for him, Class 1-A have had front row tickets to the Ballad of Kacchan and Deku since the beginning of time, so they’ve watched the two from the first fight on Ground-Beta, to the unwavering and strange amount of closeness that grew between the childhood friends after the second one. So for them to have distanced again caught everyone’s attention.

Especially All Might and Aizawa’s, as he started to notice them whispering after class and looking in Bakugou’s direction.

The weight of it, the weird stares, and Deku being blatantly fucking obvious about his irritation was driving Bakugou mad, but he was going to keep his cool, he was going to hold it off until the sight of Deku leaving the classroom didn’t make his heart drop. He was going to keep it up until looking at old text messages didn’t make his heart beat, and until hearing Deku laugh with others while he wasn’t involved didn’t make him want to drag himself towards the sound just for the sake of being closer to it, he was going to keep it up until this feeling of longing dissipated into fucking nothingness.

He contemplated this, prided himself on this ready and sure of it until once again, the universe decided fuck all, its time to kick this shit in the ass once and for all.

“Bakugou, Midoriya, today you two will stay after school to put up the desks and clean up,” Aizawa had dragged out as soon as class ended.

Bakugou froze from getting his things looking angrily and painfully in Aizawa direction, hoping maybe the daggers in his eyes would force the teacher to take back his statement or at least pair him with someone else.

From behind, Deku only looked blankly ahead.

“Yessir,” Deku replied immediately.

“Be sure to lock up when you two are done,” the teacher finished, gathering his things and dismissing the class.

He wasn’t going to get out of this, he was completely fucked.

So when the school had finally emptied and Deku and Bakugou were left alone setting up the tables and chairs he wasn’t surprised when Deku finally piped up with the question after only a few moments of silence.

“So, are you going to tell me the problem or what?”

Bakugou whipped around expecting to see Deku’s back and ended up being a little taken aback when he saw Deku standing defiantly in his direction, rocking one chair back and forth on its heels.

Bakugou puffed out his chest taking in a deep breath, ready to tell Deku to mind his fucking business and put the chairs up, but Deku only cocked his eyebrow, the irritation in his eyes forced Bakugou to back track. The words wouldn’t have escaped his mouth like he wanted with Deku looking at him like that, the anger Deku was feeling was seeping its way in Bakugou’s own heart, mirroring it, and unlocking every bit of frustration he’s held in for all these months. If Bakugou responded to that, he would spill everything in the most ungraceful and ugly manner known to man.

So instead he hid himself again, swerving around and slamming a chair backwards on a desk to release a little anger.

“I need you to get away from me,” he started, and hearing Deku’s mouth open to retaliate he continued, “just … fucking go wait outside in the hall or something and let me figure this the fuck out, shit,”

Looking down, he walked in Deku’s direction and snatched the chair that Deku was irritably rocking around from his hands, and Deku just glared daggers into him confusingly.

“Just fucking wait! I’ll do your half, but if you want to hear anything from me you need to give me like 15 damn minutes out of your presence.”

Deku looked like he wanted to argue, but sighing he relaxed his glare and reluctantly resigned.

“Fine,” he huffed, stepping backwards and then turning to exit the classroom.

When Deku had finally left, Bakugou kicked one of the chair away in frustration and screamed a “SHIT” loud enough he knew Deku probably heard on the other side.

Bakugou had to tell him the truth now, and he hadn’t thought this far ahead. In all his avoiding the issue he knew the eventual solution was going to be confessing, but he hadn’t planned for a second how he would. Could he get away with telling Deku he was over it now and they could move the hell on?

Slamming a chair down he realized, no. You don’t just avoid someone for 2 months without explanation and then demand 15 minutes of breathing room over feelings you just “got over”.

So what does he say?

Deku I like you.

Is that enough?

Deku I lo-

Accidentally screeching a seat across the floor a little louder than intended he decided “like” was definitely enough. That was the word he needed to use, or something similar.

“’Deku, I like you’, no fuck that sounds fucking ditsy I need to-,” Bakugou was muttering to himself while setting up the last of the chairs, “’You’ve really been pissing me off lately and’ – No... ‘It’s not fucking you its me, about you, so I guess it’s all your fucking fault in the end again huh? – gah NO, SHIT!”

Bakugou kept up rehearsing to himself all through setting up the chairs and sweeping, by the time he finished the last of the work he was sure he came up with the best way to put his makeshift and rushed confession.

“ ‘Deku, you piece of shit, I know it sounds fucking insane but I think I got a stupid puppy crush on you and it was pissing me off, that’s it.’ Yeah, perfect.”

Bakugou cheered to himself, muttering ‘Deku, you piece of shit’ to keep himself confident as he stepped out of the door to the classroom to meet with Deku in the hallway and finally shoot this circus act in the foot.

He was ready to meet with Deku’s anger, he was ready to put this shit out there and leave it to rot. Maybe with the way he says it Deku will blow up in his face and they can put it behind them, chalk it up as one big mistake, and let it all die.

He imagined how it would play out, put up the barriers needed to take Deku’s anger head on, he deserved it, he wanted it, he was prepared for it.

But of course, nothing could ever go as he wanted.

Why didn’t anything ever go as he wanted.

Walking out to the hall, instead of being met with Deku standing tall with fire in his eyes, he was met with the boy leaning casually right outside the door, his eyes blank.

And when he noticed Bakugou’s presence he looked at the taller boy with a quiet sadness in his eyes.

“So?” he demanded, his voice cracking a bit.

Bakugou’s plan got erased immediately, again. Everything about him and his demeanor slackened in Deku’s presence and he simply stood there, frozen.

Deku pushed himself off the wall to step back from Bakugou, only a slight bit of determination glinting from his eyes mixed in with the gloom he was pushing down.

“Kacchan, you have to tell me what’s wrong,” Deku started calmly, despite the look in his eyes.

He’d done it again.

They were supposed to have been well passed this already.

Deku values his friendships, and Bakugou knew more than anyone else how much that annoyingly dangerous passion outreached, he was foolish to assume Deku would only be angry with him.

Because Deku’s never been like that, Deku’s never kept up long enough to only be angry, not with him, not with anyone and Bakugou should have known better.

But in the face of Deku’s emotions like this, once again his heart began to mirror his own, and Bakugou felt an uncontrollable amount of guilt rush over him.

Not over not telling Deku, not over avoiding him, but for just not being unfront with himself fucking again about Deku.

Deku wasn’t the one doing this to him, he had been doing this to himself, and it was going to inevitability intertwined with Deku no matter how much he tried to leave it, no matter how much he tried to avoid it.

Their feelings had always been inevitably connected like this.

And he had to get over it.

He had to accept it here in it's fullest form.

He took a step forward, and Deku took a step back.

“Kacchan.” Deku started sternly.

“Please,” Kacchan replied fast and flat glaring the boy standing off with him in the eyes, and Deku taken only slightly aback by the vague desperation, let his guard down just a bit to let Bakugou make his way forward.

Words weren’t going to work, he was messy with those, the intimacy and carefulness of the language always managed to miss him, and he couldn’t trust his own heart to say what he felt, so instead he moved forward.

Getting eye to eye with deku, he only looked down slightly. The boy wasn’t that much shorter than him, but enough so that he had to lean forward and down enough to make this comfortable.

“Kacchan?” Deku whispered.

Wordlessly, Bakugou let his arms go past Deku’s waist to wrap around the bottom of his back, biting his lip Bakugou dragged Deku into his chest and embraced him into a tight hug.

Deku shocked, didn’t know where to place his hands for a moment, and Bakugou shakingly buried his face into the crook of Deku’s neck so his eyes couldn’t be shown.

Deku finally resigned to placing his hands lightly on Bakugou’s back, using one to pat him gently.

“I missed you too,” Deku whispered, causing a shiver to run down Bakugou’s spine, “but this still isn’t explaining anything,”

Bakugou huffed and tightened his hold.

“Stop me,” Bakugou muttered into Deku’s shoulder.

“Hm?” Deku questioned, now lowering his hands down Bakugou’s back for a more casual hold.

“Do that thing you do where you call me an idiot, tell me this is stupid,”

“I still don’t know what it is Kacchan,” Deku replied, a little bit of the irritation returning, “you’re a dumbass, but you still need to tell me so I can tell you all the reasons why,”

Bakugou huffed a small laughter in Deku’s shoulder at his response, and they stood silent embraced in the hug for a long period of silence before Bakugou finally began shifting.

He loosened his grip slightly to give himself room, and while continuing to avoid Deku’s gaze, he pressed a small kiss to Deku’s jawline before immediately retreating into the hug tightening his grip, causing Deku to puff out a slight bit of air.

“O-oh.” Deku huffed.

“Shit, fuck, goddammit!” Bakugou spat curses into Deku’s shoulder regretting the action.

There was a longer silence, neither boy had broken from the hug.

Deku pat Bakugou’s back twice.

Pity, of course, he should have known that was coming, fucking Deku alwa-

Deku pat his back three more times, a little harder than last time.

What was he trying to be encouraging now? Like Bakugou needed to be reassured his ugly feelings were okay or someshit? Why didn’t he just-

Deku was now frantically patting Bakugou’s back to a point where it was starting to actually kind of fucking sting.

Irritated, Bakugou broke from his hiding place in Deku’s shoulder to meet with Deku face to face.

“DEKU, what the fuck are y-,”

Bakugou was interrupted by a foreign press of lips on his, rough and unaimed, but enough to get his eyes wide as the attacker leaned back from the kiss with the fire in his eyes that he had been searching for earlier.

“Are you kidding me?!” Deku screamed in Bakugou’s face.

Bakugou was a little dumbfounded by the action to reply properly, did… Deku just…

“Uh…” Bakugou groaned dazed, hands hanging lazily over Deku’s waist now.

Deku moved the hands that were wrapped around Bakugou’s back to roughly cup both of Bakugou’s cheeks in his palms.

“You idiot!”

Deku kissed Bakugou roughly again a little more aimed and calculated, holding a little longer, before breaking apart again with an irritated grunt.

“That’s why you’ve been avoiding me all this time?” he hissed, “You’re terrible!”

Everything was still moving a little too fast.

“Did… what the fuck did you just…”

Deku groaned exasperatedly and pressed roughly feathered kisses all over Bakugou’s face, they got softer and softer with each press of lips to skin before Deku slowly relaxed on his own and pulled back, dropping his hands from Bakugou’s face to his back again, pulling himself into Bakugou’s chest for another tight embrace.

“Me too…Kacchan,” Deku murmured, the irritation still scrunched in his eyebrows but a new softness showing in his eyes.

Bakugou was coming out of his daze enough to process that statement, and in a moment’s hesitation, he pulled the boy back from the hug and looked seriously at Deku in his eyes.

“You...ah shit," he to a second to catch himself, "you...like me?”

“And you like me?” Deku immediately retaliated, not letting Bakugou turn the responsibility of answering first on him.

Bakugou took in a breath before answering in a whisper, “...yeah,”

Deku sighed tiredly.

“Good, me too,” Deku grunted giving Bakugou a small peck on the nose, “I thought it was pretty obvious but for some reason you need these confessions spelled out to you,”

He finished that last sentence with a fake laugh, and Bakugou felt his heart beat again at the sound of even a hint of the boy’s laughter despite it's ingenuity. A mix of the fondness, irritation, frustration and longing that had all existed and were building up in the months came pouring over him and he tightened his grip on Deku, pulling him close again.

Obvious? Bullshit, this asshole wasn’t obvious about anything in his heart, he was enigma, a completely incomprehensible tool, how dare he?

“Shut the fuck up, I’ve been fucking suffering, you weren’t obvious, you piece of shit, you fuckface, stupid Deku,” Bakugou finished his sentence doubling on Deku’s prior action and kissing the him on the lips. Maybe a little rougher than Deku had, so much so it had the boy leaning backwards into Bakugou’s tight grip.

The frown that had been across Deku’s face turned into an uncontrollable smile as Bakugou let the kiss linger, but needing to breathe he started slapping at Bakugou’s back again.

“Kacchan!” he laughed against Bakugou’s lips, “Off, off!”

At that, Bakugou slowly and hesitantly pulled off, not realizing he practically had the other boy caught in something of a dip in his arms.

They looked at each other like that for a minute, taking in the look of each other’s faces.

Bakugou’s eyes were jaded but wide, as though he had dispelled every emotion he had into that one kiss and was in the process of recharging for the next one.

Deku on the other hand, had just got finished laughing and was smiling up at Bakugou with a gleam and fondness that Bakugou had never seen before. It was new look to be added to the book of things that made Bakugou lose all the strength in his heart and it got tattooed it in his brain as a permanent sight like everything else with Deku did.

However, while the smile remained the look in Deku’s eyes began turning sad again.

“I wish you talked to me,” he cracked.

“Oh…,” Bakugou breathed, realizing the source of the original issue came from him again and he punched himself mentally, “I…fuck…I,”

Bakugou danced around for the right words, there was an easier way to say just “Im sorry” but instead he opted for the way more complicated route.

“I fucked up,” he groaned, looking away, “I fucked up…because I was weak and…,”

Despite himself, Bakugou looked back at Deku from the corner of his eyes to see the boy has lost the smile and was contorting his look to annoyance again before even letting Bakugou finish his sentence.

“It was because I was fucking weak,” Bakugou reemphasized just as annoyed that Deku was looking at him sideways, “and I didn’t tackle it head on when I should have, but I don’t make the same mistake fucking twice so,”

He lifted Deku from the tilt in his arms and looked him in the eye as he finished with a promise,

“I’ll get stronger,”

Deku twitched his lip looking a bit exhausted and unsatisfied with the response, before his eyes seemed to glimmer with some type of understanding and it all finally molded itself into a smile.

“Everything’s a different kind of battle to you isn’t it?”

“Yeah and you’re my worst enemy,” Bakugou spat back, putting his forehead to Deku’s roughly and closing his eyes, “fucking exhausting, fucking stupid,”

Deku returned the gesture by leaning into the touch a bit more softly, and sighing with a laugh.

“Yeah, and I guess you’re just my idiot, so it works out in the end.”

---

“I’m sorry, by the way,” Deku started as they trudged back to the dorms hand in hand.

“What the hell are you apologizing for?” Bakugou replied, meaning to sound a little more aggressive and irritated by the question but he was still a little drunk off the scene in the hallway.

“Well… I think All Might may have put Aizawa-sensei up to this…haha…” Deku continued nervously tensing his grip on Bakugou’s hand, “I was really kinda um…mad?”

“Wow, really? Couldn’t fucking tell from the way you almost ate my face,”

“I wasn’t that mad then,”

“Well you looked like you wanted to throw that chair at me earlier,”

“Uhm,” Deku coughed into his hand changing the banter subject from the chair, “Anyways, I kind of vented to him because it was effecting my training a bit and he noticed,”

Bakugou felt a little drop in his chest at the thought that Deku may have been disappointing All Might with his work ethic over Bakugou’s hissy fit.

“I accidentally broke like 10 punching bags in one session, All Might looked a little terrified,” Deku laughed.

Bakugou imagined an infuriated Deku sending 100lb bags of dirt flying one by one and wouldn’t admit for a second that he probably would have been looking like All Might supposedly had been.

“So I really think he consulted Aizawa-sensei about it, which is why we were forced so suddenly,” Deku scratched under his chin with his free hand thoughtfully, “they seem to do that a lot, huh?”

“Those old men need to stay out of our fucking business,” Bakugou muttered.

“I guess so, but they kinda know best it looks like,” Deku mused leaning into Bakugou, “who knows how long you have taken on your own?”

“Be quiet, get off me,” Bakugou grunted leaning his head into Deku’s anyways.

Intertwined fingers, the sunset, the sound of the clinging gates, and all of the silence Bakugou had dreaded before was now draping over him comfortably with Deku by his side again, closer even so.

Falling for Deku hadn’t been easy.

Getting here was rough. The misunderstandings, the stubbornness, having everything about who they were torn apart and blown up until they were left with nothing but the reality and its painful fire burning into their skin until someone finally gave in to turn and put it out. The details of that are gritty and long, but you already know that.

Yeah, even after all of that everything was a natural and simple transition.

Like the way Deku’s hand fit perfectly into his, the way they bounced off each other’s enthusiasm over the tiniest things, the way Deku looked at him, the way Deku kissed and held him.

Yeah, a long time of these kind of things went on before liking Deku became second nature to him, another instinct drilled into his very core before he knew it, the passion, the fire, the adrenaline, even the tenderness and care, he grew used to these things as an essential part of his life, as something he didn’t have to battle against or push away.

Bakugou could live with this.

So much so, that the thought one day the final barrier that existed between him and his feelings for Deku would finally come tumbling down.

The one thing he still feared, but did not deny.

The thought that, after some time he would be able to peg a word on his feelings for Deku with the intensity he truly felt, and put the weight of those feelings into a more attainable and accurate context than just a crush, than just liking him.

And whenever he heard the familiar annoying ass laugh, that familiar annoying ass smile, and that now familiar brush of fingers interlacing with his own, he thought that day just might come someday, and someday soon.

It just might.