#but im coming to terms with it

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[aashiqeddiediaz]

you know what boils my blood.

over the last 2 weeks, i've seen countless patients walk into my urgent care center, symptomatic for so many things, refusing to get tested for covid and flu, citing that they don't want to knowingly bring it to their holiday tables. i had a patient tell me, verbatim, "i don't want to test for covid, because i don't want to be the asshole who brings it on a plane."

i understand that - i understand that holidays are times where people look forward to meeting loved ones that they might only see once a year, or where they get a break from the hectic back and forth of their lives.

but here's the thing - whether they get tested or not, they will bring whatever they have to their holiday tables. it's pure recklessness to know that you're sick, and walk into someone else's house spreading the disease.

today, january 2, i saw 91 patients, many of them who have tested positive for covid and flu. many of these patients are the same ones who didn't want testing 3 days ago, until their events were over, and now, they will have to reach out to everyone they know to let them know that they were positive because they were showing symptoms well before their event.

the next week or two? we're going to see many, many more, all people with symptoms that started around christmas. these are the only two viruses we test for rapidly in our office, but they are potent and can be fatal in many people.

so here's why i wrote this post, and maybe it's a little late, but - if you care about your loved ones, please get tested if you know you're sick. it doesn't have to be at a clinic if you don't want it to, because the over-the-counter tests work just fine too (if you test within 5-7 days of symptom onset). just...please don't try to run from the knowledge that you might have covid, because immunocompromised people, elderly people, people with co-morbidities like asthma, pregnancy, diabetes, etc...many of them may not recover. and they may not be sitting at your holiday table in the future because of it.

[meruz]

very slowly compiling my sketchbook pages for the 2023 pdf... this isnt even half of the observational drawing section lol idk why i did so much last year. i feel like these pages in particular really expose just how much time i spend on. the bus.

[methoughtsphantom]

silly headcannon #2 that Bruce never got the reference that Jason always made of himself being short round (he always thought it was Jason saying he was short) until after he died and Tim, avid Indiana Jones fan made Bruce watch the movies with him, only the man breaks out crying., sobbing, full on breaking down over the two second scene that is Indy ruffling Short Round’s hair as he explains they first met when he caught the kid stealing from him, and then took him under his wing.

[hazeleyed-fay]

i feel like im in a weird demographic when it comes to the percy jackson live action series because of the age i was when i read them. cause i read the lightning thief for the first time when i was in single digits, so percy being twelve seemed appropriately grown up. and then as i got further into the series and into heroes of olympus, percy got older with me, and was always kinda broadly my age or a little older. so like, the movie cast was too old when that happened, because they were way older than me. but now the series cast is actual twelve year olds (or so) and they are so obviously just little babies that im now forced to confront the fact that uhhh percy was in fact a fuckin child when all this started??? exCUSE ME???

[thisnerdjason]

'oh wow these aromantic and asexual identities are cool, I should research them to learn how to best support this community, but I'm definitely not aromantic or asexual!'

I'm a fucking dumbass, that's what I am.

[lucabyte]

sometimes everything just sucks real real real bad

[viquipo]

To be loved is to be changed

[etchif]

Jesus imagine if we confirm the existence of extraterrestrial life the Taxonomy would be insane

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

i have a Scene - a Plot if you will - that backs this as context. y'all are gonna have to trust me on this one <3 or read the tags...

[cyancees]

read a fic where they were girls and had to draw cus yuri 🔛🔝

[katabay]

THERE AIN'T NO ATLAS, KID. NEVER WAS.

if you peel him back far enough, there's nothing but a pile of theater masks

like, it's really fun how fontaine starts spiralling out the closer jack gets to him in the final arc of the game and returns to appropriating the image of family (the fake family in the beginning, the flawed father position later) to try and appeal to jack in some way but it's like. buddy. baby. you already took off your mask. anything you try and put on after this is going to come across as cheap and desperate. the magic is gone! and personally? I'm hooting and hollering

⭐ places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app / insta

[protectorcraft]

thinkin about isat again (big surprise) and it would be a wonder if someone in the gang doesnt develop separation anxiety postgame. like other than siffrin considering that's the entire premise of the games plot, i mean.

[gbirrd]

DUN-DUH-DUH-DUUUUHN!

suprise! i've been working as part of ANOTHER Bang! I paired up once again with the delightful @englandamericaitaly to create this piece for their fic as part of the @dpxdcbigbang !

you can read their fic here- a really fun read, and of course I drew the scene with my boy Duke. we gotta step up folks! not enough art of this weird little daylight-loving freak out here!

Image ID:

A drawing of a very dark train tunnel, with a rail track stretching down from the top towards the bottom of the image. At the top of the piece near the back of the tunnel is Duke Thomas in his Signal armour, giving off a strong yellow glow as he is crouched over Clayface, arm raised in a fist to punch him as his head is raised to look up with glowing eyes. Clayface's hand is wrapped around Duke trying to pull him off. At the bottom of the page near the front of the tracks, Jazz Fenton stands facing Duke with a faint green glow. Three shadowy figures stand behind her. In the top right corner there is a close-up panel of Jazz's eyes, in all green, and mirroring it in the bottom left are Duke's eyes in all yellow.

[nothingtoseehere00-00]

Just imagine Steve figuring out he's bisexual and realizing that when he dates a girl, at a certain point into dating them, he's gonna have to tell them that he's also into men. Of course since it's the 80s, the chances of them being okay with that is probably slim. They might think he's disgusting or that he's just gay playing straight.

So he tries dating guys instead, thinking that's safer. And he ends up meeting a great guy named John at a gay bar who he really likes. Things are going strong until they started talking about past crushes and first loves. Steve casually mentions celebrity crushes on women and having loved Nancy. And thus Steve gets his first ever experience of the rampant biphobia in queer spaces. John accuses Steve of being confused and trying to hold onto his "straightness". Steve tries to explain himself by saying that, no, he really does like women, but that only makes things worse. John now believes that Steve is just going to eventually leave him for a woman, if he hasn't already been cheating on him. John ends up storming out leaving Steve devastated.

He goes crying to Robin and explains what happened. He's horrified to realize that no matter who he dates, there's always going to be the risk of them not accepting him, guy or girl. But he can't hide that part of himself, it's too big. It's who he is. Robin is there to reassure him that if someone can't accept him being bi than they don't deserve him. It's able to cheer him up a little, but the damage has been done.

Steve is now very reluctant to date anyone. And if he does manage to bring himself to go on one, he gets complaints of being very emotionally distant or having a fear of commitment.

When Steve inevitably falls for Eddie, he's scared out of his mind. It's clear that Eddie is gay based on his hanky, but, again, that doesn't mean he'll accept Steve's bisexuality. One night, while the two get so high in Eddie's trailer that Steve has to stay over, they argue about sleeping arrangements. Eddie keeps insisting that Steve would probably be more comfortable with Eddie sleeping in another room for some cryptic reason and Steve, who gets incredibly clingy while high, keeps shooting back with them sharing a bed being fine. When Steve keeps asking why they can't over and over again, Eddie blurts out that it's because he's gay. Without hesitation, Steve's says he knows and points at the hanky on the dresser by the bed. Staring at Steve for a moment, Eddie then asks how he knows about the hanky code. This time Steve hesitates. For awhile. It honestly scares Eddie for a moment, thinking he's been vecnad. If Steve hadn't been high, he maybe would have been able to think of an excuse, some way to get out of this conversation, but he can't. So he admits that he likes guys.

Eddie very excitedly starts asking a bunch of questions and talking about how they finally found something they have in common, who knew? When he notices the tears in Steve's eyes, he stops, confused, and asks what's wrong. So Steve tells him. He's not like Eddie. He's bisexual. And he braces himself for the backlash. For loosing his best friend and crush.

But then he feels a hand grab his. Eddie tells him that they still have something in common because he's also bi. Steve points out that he said he was gay, though. Eddie asks if he has ever told anyone that he was bi before, specifically gay men. Steve nods. Then he asks if it went well. Steve shakes his head. Eddie tells him that's why he said that. He's explains how tiring it is to have to explain his existence to people who won't get it and/or react badly to it. So he just tells guys that he's also gay. It just makes things easier. And Steve gets it. By God, does he get it. They spend the whole night exchanging stories and experiences, for the first time able to talk freely about their love life.

And by the end of the night, they stumble over each other trying to ask the other out. They laugh and both say yes.