#but im also not not desperate icl
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Guyyyss I need to find me a boy to kiss head in hands
#guys pls#I have been dubbed desperate by the pookie#I'm not that desperate#...#but im also not not desperate icl#aro#muh luh muh#mlm thoughts#mlm#gay
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I was gonna post something about dreading how shit this week is going to be. But then I realized it's probably going to be shit until late January, so. Please pray for my blood pressure and health 😭
#im really scared icl 😭#also if i had to go through months of non stop political ads and texts and emails and anxiety and and and-#only for it to not end well. my fucking god.#aaaghhh it just fucking sucks election day really isnt a 'day'#its actually just. election year.#ive been consumed by it for probably at least half this year#but not only all that thats been going on#its gonna take days for them to count the ballots probably#and in that time theres gonna be like. 5 billion lawsuits. cause thats a thing apparently#and then all that shit is going to continue until what. January 20th?#no matter the result things are going to be chaotic i feel like#but truly i am desperately manifesting gaaaahhhh fuck im so done with all this#FREE ME PLEASE I JUST WANT TO BE FUCKING FREE#also fuck whichever guy put election day so close before thanksgiving and christmas#idk it all just really fucking sucks. this year hasn't been good for me#so i love that in addition to my already terrible baseline level of anxiety-#ive had another level piled on top of me#which can only possibly get worse 😭#id almost prefer the political ads in perpetuity rather than actually face tuesday and beyond#god. fuck this.#i feel like im gonna have to knock myself out and not go online on monday and tuesday at this rate#how am i even going to get myself to sleep when theres constantly eternal doom hanging over me#catie.rambling.txt
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stumbled upon a ship from a pretty old fandom and ive reached the point of looking into fanfiction.net because they dont have enough fanfics in ao3
#icl i already forgot how to navigate fanfiction.net but im desperate#im in desperate need for anything i can take i need to read more of them#but i admit im picky when it comes to fanfics which is a struggle#ffs why arent there more senru fanfics in the world#also most of the ones in ao3 are in japanese cries
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⭒ the girl with the tattoo (viii) - pt 1 pt 2 p3 p4 p5 p6 p7
matt sturniolo x fem!oc / reader
summary : the triplets' birthday party is a perfect place for flirting, tension, and... well, matt and y/n's forte.
warnings : use of alcohol, weed and smut ( just a lil flithy icl ), beware that the word count on this ho is crazy - meaning i did not proofread!
mickey speaks : this took a MINUTE to get out im sawrryyyy. i tried to fit everything into one part and ended up rewriting almost the entire part last minute (which is most of the reason why this is very delayed), sooo hope you love??? bc i dont lmfao also the triplets r a couple yrs older in this (turning 23)
THIS IS PART EIGHT GO READ THE OTHERS FIRST!!!
"JESUS, matt. can you take this seriously, please?" chris scoffs, taking the dry-erase marker cap from its awkward spot between his teeth.
matt's not one to continue adding his opinion knowing it won't be listened to. he prefers to leave the impossible-to-get-a-word-in debating to nick and chris who have no problem yelling over each other to the point that they don't even know what the issue ever was.
so he's found comfort in sitting at the dining room table with his eyes firmly closed and arms used as a pillow for his head, leaving nothing but a dollop of his hair to be shown, or as he told chris "attempting to find peace for myself while living with you chaotic fucks."
"what could you possibly want from me?" matt asks without moving from his face down position, voice muffled and strained.
"i want you to fight for your opinion! don't you care about what we do for our birthday?!" chris stresses while nick rolls his eyes and falls into a bored stance, leaning against the dark marble counter.
matt finally raises his head causing his face to scrunch up and eyes to squint due to the sudden and bright change in lighting, "no? i actually don't give a shit, chris."
chris first feels the instigator within him sighing in defeat only for his pride to take center. he figures if nick has practically given up and matt cares so little, that gives him all of the creative action for birthday plans. exactly what he wanted.
his lips form a tight line to hide his satisfaction as he shakes his head slowly, unevenly wiping his hand across the magnetic white board (that he used to write the many ideas thrown around in his head, mistakenly thinking a visual would narrow things down for him and nick). “‘kay. then i’m getting nate to help plan us a house party and it'll be fucking perfect. because i care.”
౨ৎ
you've never been so grateful of your front door's placement this close to the kitchen. but carrying three cake boxes and a tote bag the size of your torso, desperately needing to put them down after traveling up three flights of stairs, will surely be the task that brings that gratitude out of you.
though when you arrive, your scrunched eyebrows and pouted lips are an apparent contrast to the enthusiastic vibe of your kitchen- with andrea moving her hips to the lines of spanish dancing in the air, waiting patiently for the sizzling indication of her fried egg's tenderness, and the use of pink lemonade-colored towels or handles on utensils (that made you and andrea way too happy during one of your first target runs as roommates) scattered around.
drea finally notices you when your metal keychain clanks against the countertop, "y/n!" her excitement slightly dulls with her widened eyes when she gets a better view of your face, turning the stove off and coming closer to hug you. "hi, good morning-ish. are you feeling okay? ...or, like, sad?" you silently accept her gesture and tuck your head in her neck while she caresses your hair with a sigh, "or both at the same time...?"
your response is a breathy sigh and pause before the words tumble out, "m'fine, i think. just overestimated myself a little with staying up so late." you remove your head from her neck and move backwards to lean against the countertop, fanning your hands to create a much needed breeze, "and i'm so hot, it's making me feel gross."
andrea peers into the clear plastic cutout on top of one of the boxes, "at least the cakes look nice."
a week ago you set your mind on gifting the triplets their own cakes for their birthday (thinking that sharing a day was already enough, no way would you want them to have to share and agree on only one cake). you easily gathered their cake preferences by sneaking it into any random conversations you'd have with each of them.
and after a week of planning and preparing, was it so bad if you wanted a fun night in with your roomie? andrea warned you several times to go to bed considering you'd be up at 5:30 the next morning, but you insisted that you'd be fine and asked her to help you clear the rest of the box-wine in the fridge.
you could tell matt was a little irritated that you chose rewatching episodes of a sitcom and "cheap ass box-wine" over sex with him (of course throwing the fact that his birthday would be arriving in only a few hours right in your face) but you pioneered and assured him that you'll make time for him the next day, while also sweetly reminding him that you too have a life outside of this exchange.
at midnight you sent the triplets a group message to congratulate. and a few minutes later you left andrea on the couch for your room, sending matt a birthday text of his own (because you did feel the tiniest bit guilty for rejecting him earlier) paired with a picture with your shirt lifted, hem tucked behind your teeth, and your boobs sat in a sheer bra with decorative white trimming and a bow in the center.
he didn't respond for almost an hour and you tried to not feel embarrassed or overthink his reaction at all.
you couldn't stand the giddiness that came over you (you'd blame it on being the slightest bit tipsy) when you finally got into bed to find his response gentle, in his own matt-kind-of-way, with your image loved and a grayed bubble text reading: "Very pretty, thank you"
"thanks, drea. they were a bitch to make." water drowns out your voice as you start to wash your hands in the deep sink. you run your soapy fingers over a small cut you got when dealing with an irritating cardboard box earlier, finding the stinging of the hot water a wonderful kind of bitter that further plays into your foul mood.
"mmm... i'm sure. but it's not like you can even tell. they almost look store-bought," she attempts to flatter you, turning her head from the packaged desserts to offer a smile.
when you're sweet you're the most ripe, juicy peach, eveyone knows this. but god, when you're feeling down you really are the most cranky, green apple that could force a pucker onto even the most undaunted. your face is dragged of any aloofness or sunshine with your dry response as she turns to resume her breakfast, "uh huh. you don't have to coddle me. i'll get over myself soon, i promise." you dry your hands.
andrea would argue she's not coddling only looking out for your well being- because she wants to and knows if she were neglecting her needs you'd be right on her ass as well, "okay...and did you eat?"
"just like, a bagel before i left," you open the fridge and let the door hang open as you walk across the kitchen to grab the cake boxes and set them inside. you make sure to mind your feet, noticing figaro nosily has his furry face lifted to sniff into the side door.
she strings some sarcasm into her sentiment, "oh yum." she pauses, letting the sizzle of the egg and (now faint) music linger in the air before she speaks again, "how about you go take a shower or do something that'll make you feel a little better?"
"you know i would but being around my favorite roommate is already making me feel sooo much better!" you deliver the dry joke with a smile and pick up figaro when you shut the fridge door with an accidental slam.
she turns to look at you over her shoulder as she grabs two glass plates for the both of you, scolding you like a mother (as she tended to transform into at times like this due to her essentially parenting her younger siblings) "y/n, you're only fighting yourself, go ahead now."
౨ৎ
matt can hear chris' voice only grow louder and pound against the hallway walls but assumes he is heading anywhere but the space that matt's in, deciding to continue brushing his teeth instead.
he'd only be so lucky on his birthday.
"but yeah-" chris interrupts himself to knock and barely wait for an answer before he walks into matt's sleek bathroom. "matt's here!" his phone is carelessly thrown in front of matt's face (with a frothing mouth and irritated eyes) before he has truly registered anything that has happened.
he truly wants to roll his eyes infinitely but when he sees his mother is the one on the phone, his grumpy front is quickly wilted and a glimmer kisses his spirit in a way only she could produce.
it's clear she hadn't expected matt to be in the middle of something as personal as brushing his teeth when she first sees him, "oh, hi matt!" she understands him well enough to know he absolutely hates this (this being chris unnecessarily close to him as he hunches over to keep matt's face in the camera) so she attempts to amuse him, "wow, you're really showing your age now, aren't you? just looking so put together and nice." she laughs to herself as matt tries to not smile whilst brushing, holding his index finger up to indicate that he would address her with words in only a moment.
"chris, honey, why'd you bring me to your brother when he's busy, anyway?! now we're just watchin' him brush his teeth and the angles you're givin' me are so awkward," she emphasizes her sentence as it goes on.
chris turns the phone back to himself, "because you told me to show him?!"
"no, i said 'where's matt?'" she corrects him in jest.
"okay, so am i incorrect in saying that there was an implication-?"
matt dries his face with a towel and grabs the phone scolding chris, "hey we get it, smartass-" he turns to look at her again with a smile, "sorry mom."
"mhm," she dismisses, "when's this party of yours starting?"
"soon i think," matt moves around chris to exit the bathroom, leaving chris (literally) in the dark.
"okay and how's your birthday been so far?" he smiles knowing how excited she's always been about these things.
"good, i don't feel any different. just doin' the same stuff, except today there's way more people sending me texts and pretending the care about me." matt places the phone against a bowl full of chips in the kitchen, waving when he notices chris followed him.
"get down here nick, mom's on the phone!" chris yells, coming into frame and leaning on the counter. "jeez, matt's masochism can't give any of us a break even on days literally made for our happiness. you hearin' this kid ma?"
matt shakes his head, pointing to chris with his handful of chips, "spell masochism."
chris' eyes pinch and before their mother or chris himself reply, nick is running over to them with a smile and yell of "im heree!!"
she's has the much-expected motherly urge to cry seeing her three sons (whom she rarely sees anymore) all in the same frame, "aw, hi nicky! just look at you boys...so sweet."
it only takes another second before she's crumbling in tears. their smiles drop as chris grabs his phone. they all begin spilling out the most comforting phrases they know to cheer her up.
౨ৎ
"okay people! cake is coming through! everyone move. move, move...precious cargo right here and your ass is in the way!" asha yells and shines her phone's flashlight into the faces in the crowded living room as she ushers the girls to the kitchen.
she earns a few glares that she happily dishes back and a few mumbles of "bitch" once she's walked past that has remi "accidentally" stepping on a certain people's shoes while following asha's lead.
the modern open kitchen hosts plenty of drinks and snacks as well as a worried nathan, who's shirt is barely on his torso from the amount of buttons he's undone since stepping foot in the wild space. "oh thank god the cake's are here," he sighs with a throw of his head before frantically moving a platter of chips and guac (that someone was actively eating from) and a few six packs from the island to the opposite counter, encouraging the girls to place them down with an awkward nod of his head and harsh blink of his eyes.
asha holds back a laugh at nate's odd vibe as she moves next to him, nudging his shoulder, "what's wrong with you?"
"nothing," his head whips to look at her, "well, i mean, think 'm just nervous." he starts slow but it seems he needed someone to finally prompt him to share such a frustrated rant, "like- chris comes to me and asks me to throw him the best party. yet he doesn't give me shit to work with besides his home to host it in-" he breathes, "and 'm feelin' all the pressure of planning a party right now but, you know, i just need things to go smooth and then i'll be fine..." he runs a hand through his hair, "you ladies don't worry about me." he fakes a smile and gives a small wave of his wrist to show just how "fine" he is.
coinciding with nate's rant, you've began to pour a hefty amount of vodka and lemon juice (you absolutely scoured the fridge for) into a large glass. you hand it off to andrea with a pleading "mix" as you lick the remaining lemon juice from your thumb and open cabinets to search for shot glasses.
you line up a multitude of shot glasses with various cities labeled on them as andrea pours the mixture in carefully. you immediately bring one up to nathan, "lemon drop?"
"yes, please. no way your a fucking bartender and baker?" nate's eyes widen as he receives the small glass.
"no, definitely not. just live with a girl whois always making her own drinks at home," you smile and grab your own glass as the rest of the girls follow suit.
"i need this right now," remi starts, "let's cheers to drea's DIY shit and nathan making it through the rest of the night!" she woops and the group all let out various chuckles.
"a-fuckin'-men!" nate leans to clink the small glasses softly before taking the shot quickly. he barely recovers from the shot before he's pouring more vodka into his glass and taking a second.
you get the best view of chris turning the corner and seeing you all (his reaction is more specifically for andrea) have arrived. his jaw hangs dramatically as he walks over but quickly turns to a big smile when the group all start to sing happy birthday to him. "stop it! stop it!" he jokes and begins to give out hugs and thank each of you for coming. he stops and squeezes you extra tight, bringing up the cakes sat nearby, "i know that bakery anywhere. thank you for my cake."
"of course, i had to," you smile.
"no seriously, you're fuckin' awesome, girl." you can tell he's already a little buzzed from the look in his eyes but you also know he's almost more truthful than ever when drunk.
you notice that when he leaves you to finally greet your roommate, it's very clear he's purposely left andrea last to ensure there would be no rush on his interaction.
the rest of the group leave them to their own world for a moment; as the two hug chris gives her a soft kiss on her forehead, whispering "hi, mi cariña (my darling)" an inside joke between the two of them as chris' struggle with speaking spanish never fails to make andrea laugh.
౨ৎ
"okay, okay, i'll do it," matt finally gives in, lifting himself off of the black couch with people piled on top of it. he hands his drink over to elijah smoothly and begins to playfully rub his hands together.
"'hold my beer' headass," elijah jokes placing the cup off on a side table next to him. matt stops any movement, turning his torso to look back at the boy and start to laugh while holding both middle fingers up.
"matt," erin taps him with the side of her arm twice to get his attention again, handing him the second wii remote in her hands. the screen appears extra bright in contrast to the dimness of the room which causes matt to wonder how the fuck anyone has managed to play just dance in this space without getting a sudden head rush or worse.
"okay, let's do timber because it's classic," she suggests.
"let's not," matt opposes, his hand covering his mouth to hide a grin before running his cursor over the other choices.
erin looks over to him with a blank expression, "i mean i don't care that much you can-"
"'m joking, we'll do timber," matt looks from her to the colorful screen to find the song once more.
when he notices she's stiil looking over at him with an unreadable expression, matt smiles big attempting to not laugh, causing his already-slim eyes to pinch a little extra as he turns to her, "hey e, the screen's right up there, you won't be getting much direction from starin' at me-" he breaks into obnoxious laughter mid-way through his sentence which earns him a small smack on the arm.
erin laughs a little now, "would you stop it? just click 'a' on your fucking remote."
he does as she says and looks to her as the screen loads, "thereee we go, you can cool down now, sweetheart."
as the two dance both matt and his friends make one-off comments and jokes about the many times matt almost fell (and would make sure to blame it on the rug or his shoes). they seem to be having such a great time that you don't know if you only being there for the final few lines of the song, watching erin ride matt's back as they spin in circles laughing, is fortunate or unfortunate.
the claps and whistles are wild when the two finish with a bow, the crowd around them only getting louder when matt teases that he's so hot he might have to take off his shirt, lifting it slightly then putting it back down and calling them pervs. you only shake your head and bite back a smile, hating how fucking charming he is when he allows himself to be completely lost in a good time.
matt would say you snuck onto the sectional couch- because a minute ago you weren't there and now here you are talking elijah's ear off and taking repeated hits of his blunt.
but you wouldn't say you snuck into his area, rather walked in a manner in which you'd be out of his and erin's way- of course not taking away from the birthday boy and his...good friend. so you're a bit surprised he slumps on the couch next to you and not in his original spot on the opposite side of eli, "sunnnyy," he huffs and leans his head back against the couch, "when'd you get here, huh?"
you turn to look at him and he smiles at you then looks up to the ceiling, "think an hour ago? maybe?" you hand him the blunt.
"cool, cool, cool..." matt repeats cutting himself off by placing it in his mouth. he's dressed so stylish and attractive you can't help but scan over him with your eyes; his jersey-style shirt showing off his armfuls of tattoos, baggy jeans, car keys hanging on a cheetah print clip attached to his belt loop, shoes that look straight out of the box, a matching hat that you honestly wish he'd take off, and his signature silver jewelry brightening his attributes in the otherwise dark room.
he makes the slightest "tsss" sound when breathing in the drug before speaking with smoke plummeting from his mouth, "you should dance next," he brings it back to his mouth for a final hit.
"mmm maybe...if lucas is up for it," you play with the metal can of a wine cooler that you hold on your bare knee as matt leans over you to hand an occupied eli his blunt back, his laugh trails smoke out of his mouth and into your face as he slouches back next to you.
"forgot you're fuckin, hilarious! holy shit." his hand makes its way up his own shirt to rest on his stomach as he giggles.
a smile grows on your face, "no seriously is he here?" you lift yourself up a little and pretend to look for the familiar face.
"stop that." matt chuckles and tugs your wrist gently. you almost get nervous this time when you look him in the eyes. when he's drunk, matt is so carefree and giggly in a way you rarely get to see. and now you’re starting to notice how the poor lighting makes his features appear arched and his face look carved into, yet the jagged becomes soft and fuzzy whenever the gumdrop-colored lights of the wii game hit his face with the beat of the song. he notices your staring and lets go of your wrist, "what's up?"
"nothing."
"excuse me everyone! i would like to give a speech! hello, i am giving a speechhh! everyone shut up, please!" nick projects his voice into the microphone- he stole from the karaoke machine -while standing on a dining room chair.
as people start to calm down nick speaks, "right, so, it's my fuckin' birthday!” he raises his arms and dances his fingers before pointing out matt, “and it's matt's fuckin' birthday, right over there! let's get some flashlights pointing over to my brother please!" matt’s face flushes as he covers his eyes from the sudden bright lights. you squint your own eyes from next to him and move closer to eli to avoid the flashes.
"and it's chris' fuckin' birthday..." nick looks around, "i couldn't tell you where exactly he is, just know that he is also here tonight!” the crowd roars, “anyway... i'm so- so happy to have you all with us tonight to celebrate. we turn twenty fucking three and... that feels so old saying it out loud. holy shit." nick cringes obnoxiously, slurring his next few words, "but i love my two best friends in the whole world: chris and matt, i wouldn’t wish to share a birthday with anyone else… and i love all of you thank you again. oh! and shout out nathan for holding this shit down! if you see nathan give him something... i don't know- money? a kiss? a drink? fuck if i know." as nick speaks cameron nudges him with a shot glass which he finally acknowledges, "and apparently this is a toast now so, you know, here's to getting older and having the most fun forever!" he raises the glass in the air and drinks it without further thought, inviting everyone to do the same while cheering and applauding him in excitement.
you raise your wine cooler and let out many cheers along with the rest, but of course matt ridicules you a little in jest, "really? you sit here and 'woo' while i'm going blind?!" he’s still wiping at his eyes, dealing with the aftermath of bright lights shining in his eyes; his vision tainted with faint blue and red splotches only for a second. you lean closer to him, attempting to see his eyes better while uncontrollably laughing.
"are you crying?!"
matt thinks you look really pretty even when you're quite literally pointing and laughing in his face. you move his hands away from his face and he widens his eyes dramatically, "look, no 'm not!” you shake your head in response, “does really it look like it?"
you notice his bottom eyelashes are slightly clumped and you move your hand closer, placing your thumb under his eye, "baby, that's damp!" you giggle and pull his hand close, using your thumb to draw a wet line across his tattooed wrist to prove your point.
he drags out his first word, "alrighttt. whatever! you got me, sweet girl. ‘cause god forbid i have the ability to cry?!” pulling away from you with a smile as he dries his eyes by rubbing them gently.
matt excuses himself with a quick "gonna go grab another drink or somethin'" before he does something irrational like kiss you in front of all these fucking people.
౨ৎ
you carefully open each of the packaged cakes, each revealing the boys' full names written in cursive with the uniquely styled and colored buttercream frosting you made that very morning. you used the same shades to make the puffed frosting border of the cakes, for an easy, soft garnish. remi follows behind you, lighting candles on the cakes as you go.
there's a chaos that comes with trying to gather this many (drunk) people in one area and capture their attention long enough to sing then cut cakes. it doesn’t help that the hosts are at their most unserious themselves; matt and nick both snickering and making jokes while holding onto each other while chris talks to one of his friends off to the side with his obnoxiously loud voice without regard for anyone around him.
“okay, people we’re singing!” nathan attempts to yell over the loudness of the crowded room. you and remi are then in the position of getting the attention of the birthday boys who can’t focus on the task at hand, leaving you both to snap your fingers and call them as if you were attempting to take photos of a stubborn baby.
you truly wish it didn’t irk you so terribly but you can’t help your annoyance when matt looks over to erin after she shouts from next to you, “matt, can you pay attention? your cake’s ready,” and he listens, moving nick off of him with a shoulder nudge and laugh as he approaches the row of cakes.
you recover quickly with a smile once both matt and nick’s eyes widen and mouths hang open in awe of your hard work, “s’perfect,” matt whispers to himself, now adjusting his hat to fit backwards.
“oh my god, the wax got in my cake! what the fuck,” nick whines and that cues drea to tug chris’ arm softly and urge him with a hushed, “chris ven aquí (come here)!”
and he's is down so terribly that he moves to where she wants him immediately.
chris is a known sap, especially when wasted, so he’s stood fighting the urge to cry when taking in the scene in front of him: his brothers and friends gathered together to celebrate their twenty three years of life together.
he tucks his lip into his mouth and looks down at the burning flame, slowly smiling when everyone around them begin to sing a rendition of happy birthday with all the charmingly bad high notes and run on “you”s but not forgetting to crunch all three names into a single line.
midway through the song, chris leans to hug matt in comfort while sneaking a reach into matt’s back pocket to grab the slim joint he just knew would be there. he grins to himself, “sweet! free j and free light,” placing it into his mouth as he leans over his cake to spark the joint hanging in his mouth with as much precision as possible. andrea shakes her head in confusion while filming on her phone beside to you.
“dude,” matt lets out a breathy laugh while waving his hand to clear the atmosphere of the potent smoke. sudden applause recognizing the end of the song and leading the three to blow out their candles.
matt gave up on birthday wishes a while into his teen years and nothing changes this year; he blows his candles out and claps along with the crowd before accepting his joint from chris for a few puffs of celebration.
you watch in amusement as nathan distracts the boys with shots to get them away from the cakes as andrea begins to cut. except no shot could beat the view of andrea bent over the counter like she is now, so chris is practically on top of drea with annoying whines of “i wanna see,” when she asks him to be careful and wait a second.
you, however, are actively searching for the spiked punch that elijah recommended when you run into erin and matt talking. they both look to you with different expressions as you squeeze yourself by them to get to the punch bowl.
you remind yourself that erin is your friend, not your enemy. nor your competition. meaning you also have to remind yourself that matt is some guy you fuck around with, not your boyfriend.
you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding in while grabbing a plastic cup and using a small ladle to pour the peach colored liquid for yourself. instead of flat-out staring at the two, you take turns looking from them to your cup. you watch as they pose for a picture; erin taking his hat to place on her own head and matt smiling next to her. and another with her kissing his cheek as he laughs.
it’s upsetting- no, humiliating to you. and how especially humiliating that your first thought is whether he’ll dismiss you for erin when you ask him to fuck you later tonight? you blame the weed for getting you so worked up over minutiae interactions.
you’re brought out of your daze in the most humbling of ways: a sudden splash hits your bare foot and covers your black kitten heels in the sticky juice. “fuck,” you groan and place the ladle back into the punch bowl, taking a large sip of your overflowing drink as you look down at the puddle of pink you’re standing in.
you find a towel laying nearby and lower yourself to fumble and wipe your shoe.
“damn y/n, you like my punch that much?” a voice asks from next to you.
you look up and see lucas smiling down at you, “you made it?” you ask genuinely as he helps you rise to standing again.
“no,” he smiles and you roll your eyes, “but im wondering how you managed to spill any with this itty bitty fucking ladle?” he jokes, lifting the ladle and watching it pour the small bit of juice it managed to gather back into the bowl.
“i just wasn’t paying attention,” you laugh and sip your drink again.
“mhm…why’s that?” he squints his eyes down at you.
you tap two of your french tip fingernails against your skull, “so much is happening up here.”
“like what?”
“i don’t knowww,” you smirk and look away to take another sip of your drink.
“well, i know you look sexy as fuck in this dress right now. look at you,” he wets his lips and offers his hand to you with a grin, showing off a few of his shining tooth gems.
you try to maintain your composure and not smile too big but it’s a challenge when he playfully gets you to spin slowly for him and show off the tiny strapless dress you have on as he “oouu”s and whistles to hype you up.
“mm, you like that?” you look up at him, blinking slowly.
he nods and chuckles, “you know damn well-” looking off to the side then gaining your eye contact once more as he wipes over his mouth with his hand, glancing over your body, “‘course i do.”
"good. we should dance then," you guide him to the living room with his hand still in yours.
౨ৎ
you hate to be the bitch on her phone at a party but you can’t stop staring at it. you tap past the story then go back to look again. you even rewatch it in the perspective of someone who hadn’t been there to see the photo taken to see how it would be perceived. hurting your own feelings knowing they could very well assume matt to be erin’s boyfriend with how close they’re standing and her lips against his face.
it’s very dizzying and ruining your high quite a bit, especially paired with andrea who continues to look to you to celebrate after every ping pong ball she throws whether she makes it or not.
you go to rewatch the story once more, only this time a text from matt slides down on your screen to interrupt your sulking:
MATT
Hey come here
Y/N
where???
MATT
Outside youll see me
you let andrea know you’re going outside for air before walking over to a glass sliding door to let yourself out.
you see matt holding a stick while looking down at his phone, fire pit radiating next to him, a mass of people surrounding it.
your arms wrap and hold onto your shoulders as you walk closer, feeling the breeze rack through your body despite the internal heat from the many drinks you've had over the course of the night.
as you approach, asha gets up from her spot on nick's lap to give you a hug, "y/n! hiii." she pulls away and her hands remain on your shoulders, "your cake was so delicious, i tried a bite of each."
"oh good, 'm glad." you smile.
she feels your hands, "are you cold, babe? come sit." she guides you over to the group of people sat around the fire. "you can take my spot, i'll stand," she insists and nick agrees smiling kindly.
you interrupt matt's texting to figure out why he wanted you here, cupping your hands to shout, "matt!" across the lawn from your spot atop nick.
he looks over and quips his head while moving closer, "hey, was just wonderin' if you'd try my s'more? nick thinks he makes them best." he smiles but you can't help but feel that there's a catch to this.
"always gotta prove someone wrong. yeah, i'll do it." you agree as he moves to grab the snack he'd apparently already prepared.
nick mutters, "don't let him bully you into liking his, and don't forget who's acting as your chair currently!" from behind you as you giggle into the bite that matt gives you, holding the smore in his hand up to your mouth.
you chew slowly and matt watches, chatter and crinkles of the fire filling the heated space. you finally nod your head and matt smirks, "so good, right?" matt asks and brings his hand to hold your face and wipe around the corner of your mouth, looking to his right with a smile then back to you.
you feel awkwardly and unnaturally sensual, moving his hand away from your face and searching for what he's looked over to, catching the eye of lucas, standing with a group of guys lighting up near a fence. so that is the fucking catch.
you lick your lips of any remaining marshmallow and shake your head, annoyed, "i don't know, it tastes normal and graham cracker is fucking stale." you look up at him and his face is adorned with confusion on your change of heart.
you feel too fucking weird about this. you wish you couldn't believe that he'd use your feelings towards him for some weird shit like claiming you from lucas, but it's not surprising in the slightest; matt wants his cake yet he'll always want to eat it too.
"yeah, nick wins." you pat the side of nick's thigh to grab his attention and tell him the news, making him cheer and bring you into his chest for a small hug.
matt's lips form the smallest pucker as he watches you get up and walk towards the house without further conversation.
"bye, y/n!" asha yells.
౨ৎ
matt lays flat on his bed, staring up at the ceiling to try and organize his many thoughts when his door creaks slightly, allowing a roar of party chatter into his space before it shuts again.
he lifts only his head up to see erin stood with a small smile before letting himself fall back into his plush comforter, "hey, i got your shit in the first drawer over there." he points to a tall dresser across the room.
he listens to her shuffle around before finding a large bag of weed, coming close to him and placing a few folded bills in his front pocket slowly. she then moves so that she hovers over his dazed face, "thank you, are you sure you don't need anything else from me? it is your birthday..." she grins and runs a hand over his chest. he mimics her smile (intended in more of a mocking way than she takes it) and laughs softly.
"no, i'm good on that, e. you enjoy your doobies and shit," he continues to softly laugh, eyes crinkling at the sides before she thanks him again and gives him a small peck.
"happy birthday, matty!" she sings before closing the door to his room and heading straight to his bathroom next door to pee.
matt would say it hasn't even been four minutes since erin left him when you're stumbling into his room. he repeats his look up, only to soften a bit when he sees you make effort to move some of his shoes out of the walkway so that you don't trip, "hi, baby" he waves you over with his fingers and welcomes you as if you'll be staying for long, "lock that door for me." he figures if you came to see him after storming away like that at the fire pit you're either gonna spit your thoughts in his face or sit on his face, there's no in between.
"i found you," you smile and twist the smaller knob to lock the door from the rowdiness. you then make your way over to sit at the end of his bed and begin to fiddle with the straps on your tiny heels, "my feet have been achin' so bad," you look at him as you complain.
"mm, i'm sure."
when your feet are finally free from your shoes you place them on the ground and adjust yourself on the bed. you silently grimace seeing matt with his shoes remaining on his feet despite being on his bed.
he giggles when you begin to unlace them, "feel like a fuckin' princess."
you roll your eyes and begin to pull them off, "with the way you act you might as well be one."
"ouch? it's my birthday," he holds his heart while looking to you playfully.
you tilt your head and drop his second shoe right on the floor as you stare back at him, "oh, i know."
"right. what's wrong now?"
you run your hands along his legs as you inch up his body and hover yourself over his crotch, "nothing. everything's fine, right?" you adjust your hair away from your face.
"sure, uh huh," matt looks up at you and bites his lower lip while moving his hands to hold and squeeze your full thighs. he silently admires the way you fill that tiny dress and look down at him from this angle.
you look away for a moment then decide to put your full weight onto matt, muffled groan leaving his mouth. your lips curve up as you pull his bottom lip from his mouth with your thumb to replace it with your mouth, sucking and kissing it. your tongue runs over his lips a few times before matt takes hold of your head and pulls you impossibly closer to capture your mouth messily with his own.
the kiss is a filthy, drunken sight: noses meshing and colliding, tongues playing and licking, and moans escaping and ringing into the air desperately.
you pull away with a wet smack and whisper into his lips, "i've got another present for you..."
"mmm?" his eyes widen and he squeezes your neck gently, kissing you once more, "for real? like, more than this?!" his hand feathers over your ass, insinuating the way you're sat on top of him right now could easily be his best gift tonight.
"yes," you breathe then begin to giggle, "you're gonna lose your shit, i think."
his mind can think of a lot of things you could do to make him lose his shit, "damn, okay. well, show me. you got my stomach dancin' and shit." he holds you so that you stay put as he lifts himself to rest on his elbows.
your smile bites over your bottom lip now as you raise yourself from his lap once more. your nail taps against your upper thigh as you look down at him, "kiss, please?"
he doesn't have to move much, as your leg is already so close to his face. he keeps heated eye contact with you when he kisses and marks the skin you'd point to, causing small mindless noises to fall from your mouth as you play with his soft hair (that you unfortunately hadn't seen much of tonight).
when he's finished he looks up to you with his red, puffy eyes and wet lips as you thank him, "now...pay attention." you gently demand as you slowly move your dress up your body.
matt studies your movement in awe, eventually catching your gift in his line of sight. he knows you must think you're so sneaky when you only show a glimmer of your lacy white panties, with a cursive red "M" embroidered near the waistband, before quickly pushing your dress back down with an uncontrollable laugh.
matt's face morphs to express a million different emotions and he doesn't realize how loud his voice is when he speaks, "what the fuck?!" he looks up at you- with your head thrown back laughing -then back to your covered lower half. "what was that? hold the fuck on," you body is so loose with laughter that he easily grabs you and flips you onto the bed so that you lay underneath him, still squirming in your own giggles (yelling a few "matt!"s or "matt wait i can't breathe!"s).
his face is full of amusement when he firmly lifts your dress to get a better look at what you've done for him. "oh my god, 'm gonna pass the fuck out. look at you, sunny!" he rubs his eyes dramatically and shakes his head. "no, you're so bad."
"you like it?" you ask, licking over your lips and reaching your hands up to trace the small hairs prickling on matt's jawline.
"course i do, the fuck type of question is that?!" he turns his face to kiss your inner palm before bending closer to kiss your lips once more.
"happy birthday, matt." you say in between kisses, "there's somethin' else if you look a little more."
"really?" he immediately splits from you and looks to your panties once more, running his hands over your lower stomach. the cherry red joint laying against your hip and tucked into your underwear catches him by surprise but the stoner in him nearly cums on the spot.
he removes it from it's place and kisses you mumbling a reminder that "you're so hot" and "the marijuana bug must've bit you real bad" before he gets up to store it in his bedside table, patting the closed drawer and joking, "for when i miss you."
he stands above you for an extra second to shake his head slowly with a tut, but when you whine "c'mereee," he's hushing you and removing his shirt before crawling back on top of you.
your hands run across every inch of his warm torso as you both sloppily kiss, and matt's own hands curiously make their way into your underwear for a proper feel of your wet core.
he allows you to desperately grind your hips against his hand until he eventually decides he needs to taste you. he lowers himself to face your clothed pussy, tracing the "M" with a finger as he places his tongue flat against you and places pressure on your most sensitive area.
his finger once tracing, now moves to pull the tiny piece of fabric off of you. he looks into your eyes as he easily stuffs the cloth in his back pocket, mumbling "mine now" while moving his fingers through your sticky folds.
you cry out when he dips two fingers into you teasingly, over and over again, and another series of moans leaves your mouth when he begins to lick over your clit eagerly.
matt continues his efforts, spitting on your clit a few times to watch it drip down to where his fingers harshly move inside of you; his movements quickening while he watches.
and just before you cum you dumbly warn him, which makes him stop entirely. "no, matt. stop, please come back. please."
"shhh. don't start that shit, you'll cum twice on your day..." he unbuttons his pants, "plus, you know it feels so much better when you wait and have to chase it a few times." he smirks and nudges your clit with his finger once more making you breathe out a moan and close your legs around his hand.
he pulls away from you to finish undressing before laying back dowm in his tight boxers, "come take care of me, sunny. i need you."
"hm...and i needed you too..." you lift yourself up and pout as you climb off the bed and get closer to where he lies, turning and moving your hair away for your back, "unzip me, please?"
he does just as you say and watches you finish removing your dress in only one movement. when you climb on top of him he now gets a view of your tits directly in his face that has him humming and immediately feeling you up.
he kisses and licks the skin while you scratch at his scalp in the most sensual way. you reach behind you to dip your hand into his boxers, immediately coming in contact with his sensitive and slightly sticky tip. he tilts his head back with a groan as soon as you begin to stroke him beneath the fabric making a sinical smile form on your face.
you push the boxers further down his thighs to fully expose him as you bring your lips down to him again. his moans flow into your mouth when you repeatedly rush your movements then slowly circle his head.
eventually matt's eyebrows pinch in terribly tight and he grabs your hand, sighing, "god damn, baby. chill or i'll be cummin' before i'm inside you."
you roll your eyes playfully, "okay?" as you adjust yourself to align over his length, before sinking down on top of him.
"mmm, fuck." he encourages when you lift yourself and slam back down on top of him. you move his hands to hold your hips then spread your hands over his chest as you continue.
matt can't help but slap your ass a few times after discovering the way your muscles flutter around him so perfectly each time. but one smack in particular aids you to practically fall onto his chest whining, "matt i can't, please just-."
he immediately lifts your face to give him a much needed kiss before reaching to realign himself and hold onto you as he thrusts rhythmically into you.
moans sneak from your mouth and interrupt you from kissing and holding onto matt's neck, which only encourage matt until he's completely flustered and drilling into you sloppily.
matt can tell you're cumming by your all too and familiar broken moans. and once you harshly kiss him and ask him to let go in return he finally stills inside of you and groans into your soft shoulder.
a silence coats the room, leaving the overpowering music and talking of the party to linger through the air in a cloudy murmur.
matt keeps his arms around you while you recover from your high, staring at the ceiling of his faintly lit room in questionable thought.
and he assumes you must be doing the same; only he mistakes the wetness of your tears for his own sweat as you turn your head away from him to dissolve your embarrassingly shaky breaths.
꩜⋆ ˚。⋆🎱˚
tag list is in the replies ily!!!!
#sturniolo triplets#matt sturniolo#chris sturniolo#nick sturniolo#matt sturniolo smut#sturniolo triplets smut#matt sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo triplets fan fiction#chris sturniolo fanfic#christopher sturniolo#matt sturniolo x reader#matthew sturniolo#matthew sturniolo x you#matt sturniolo fluff#matt sturniolo imagine#nicolas sturniolo#matt sturniolo x you#sturniolo#sturniolo smut#chris sturniolo x you#chris sturniolo x reader
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did someone ask for a…WARDEN NAMES TIER LIST????? no? i made one anyway 🥰
Here’s the tier list ^^ and below i’m ranking them all and adding a 30th one right at the end!
i wanna know everyone’s favs and maybe i’ll make a poll?
1. Bruce. It just gives gangster. (also bcs of batman bcs let’s be real, warden is so batman.)
2. Henry. IT JUST SUITTTSSSSSSS
3. Frank. can anyone else hear that stereotypical new york gangster accent?
4. Danny. YALL ITS SO GANGSTER?????
5. Richard. V sophisticated.
6. Authur. It’s giving grandaddy
7. Alan. Not bad. Nickname: Al? Al the gangster? wait no that’s so un-intimidating 😭
8. Mark. pretty good, would suit him, difficult to scream tho
9. George. Classic ig
10. Steven. the name is bad but the vibe is decent
11. Johnny. Again, i can hear an american gangster being called this but it’s quite un-intimidating
12. Kenneth. i don’t have any words.
13. Wayne. Icl i can see it?
14. William. This one i think should be moved higher bcs it’s acc not bad.
15. Micheal. It would suit him it’s just a bit basic
16. Thomas. Bluds a tank engine ig 🤷♀️
17. Edward. hmm quite posh
18. Kevin. Doesn’t suit that much and also a bit plain
19. John. please no the poor guy has suffered enough.
20. Steve. I can see it being a gangster name but it’s laughable
21. Dennis. no…
22. Donald. Is it bad that i can see this??
23. Willie. please don’t send a bomb to my house
24. Paul. he’s not that old
25. Larry. it’s american ig?
27. Gary. better or worse?
28. Ronald. Mcdonald?
29. Gregory. Im sorry but why can i see it… Like someone calling him Greg? maybe i’m just desperate for this guy to have a name idk
before the last one, i wanna know what y’all think!! any suggestions or opinions? should i make a top 10 poll and we can all vote?
now finally, last but not least,
30. Daddy. NO IM KIDDING AHAHHAGAGAHG
#zsakuva#sakuverse#zsakuva elias#zsakuva warden#daddy i mean warden what who said that#zsakuvafandom#IM JUST JOKINGGG (or am i 😏)#crumpets#it’s all just silly thoughts
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im in love with the idea of aroace or at least aromantic Kevin Day and I knooooowwwww it's extremely unpopular especially with how he's shipped with more than half of the people in the series but to me that just goes to show how he just has that charm™ yk? And the reason I hc this so hard is because to me every little thing people say is romantic or a show to how he's in love, is just how he is as a person. For example, the whole Andrew thing with the deal and how for the better part of a year he was basically following Andrew around like a puppy was more of a "alright I need a buddy, desperately. He's my buddy. And now I can do what I want, whenever I want???" and just now he gets to explore what he likes and new hobbies. The whole Jean being heartbroken because of Kevin's tunnel vision for Exy? Kevin doesn't love anything or anyone other than exy? Guys... That's his hyperfixation and it doubles in the "no time for romance" because he's not interested!! and don't get me started on the angst potential.
If it wasn't obvious before, I'm aroace myself, though I'm demi-aroace if we get specific. So, I can imagine him getting those moments of doubt like "Is it really that bad I don't have a partner?" and thus, he thought about Thea and his admiration for her, mistaking that sort of awe for a crush because that's what the people around him have said. "Look at him, he has a crush!!" they say, and he raises a brow because a crush feels like this? He must get them often when he sees his favorite players on court then. And yet, why don't his crushes feel how people say? He doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with them, with Thea. There's nothing special about the way she holds his hand or compliments his eyes, is there? But it's a crush because that's what people say it is.
I don't know, it might just be me in this sandbox and im drawing exy racquets for my mental kevin day in the sand.
honestly icl i, myself LOVE bisexual kevin day headcanon but that’s also a little bit of me self-projecting. aroace kevin day is a close 2nd favourite headcanon about his sexuality tho after another anon sent something about it my way— like it totally works and makes sense so!!
AND YOU’RE SO RIGHT ABOUT HOW THE THINGS PEOPLE VIEW AS ROMANTIC IS JUST HIM AS A CHARACTER LIKE HE’S SECRETLY SO FULL OF LOVE !!! Y’ALL CAN’T CHANGE MY MIND I LOVE HIM!!!
but anyways i truly, truly love aroace!kevin day headcanon so much too and what are headcanons if not just the things we like to believe for a character 🙂↕️
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GIRLLLL HEYYYY IYS ICE
I got new lore LMAO BUT ANYWAYE
for the dean situation I went and kissed Sam LMAOOOOO
Anyhow. About the manifesting things (the guy I manifested LITERALLY ACTS LIKE JAMES PLUS HE'S ALSO BRITISH LMAOOO)
anyways SO I LITERALLY ONE TIME WAS DOING SOME SPELLS (when I was 14) AND one time did a "lucky lotion (yes LOTION not potion)"?? And put it on every day Girl idk but it worked and from then on I just manifest easily??
Like I never had an issue, even with law of attraction. I actually love it.
Also, im a witch, I know now you are.
I did some tarot for you, "stop complicating" and "relax, it's yours."
Plus, in the future you might gravitate towards another person other than James, someone "that fits you like a glove" but u can't see it. And dw it's not cheating.
Also don't feel guilty, and cry all you want let it out <333
I'LL COME BACK TO DROP MORE LOREEE BECAUSE I SHIFTED FOR 2 MONTHS GIRLLLL Remus ended up attacking bitchass snape (he was shittalking lily and some other girls for being "mudbloods" like pls fuck off) anyways, I was tending Remus and that man has a GAZE JESUS
he also has dimples, a birth mark on his leg (it's small) and girl he LOVES caramel chocolate and physics (I told him about no magic subjects) he LOVES ITTTT
Anyways he got me a sun necklace (guess why)
ANYWAYS LOVE YOUUUUU MWAH MWAH MWAH (andtellmeyoursign)
HIII wait is sam the one played by jared padalecki😭 i'm getting confused HELP but PLSS tell me how dean reacted cause the beef omg OMG how do you make lucky lotion i need that like rn cause my life is in shambles :P (it's not i just like being a dramatic ass bitch) did you like just put intention into it or smt?? cause if so yk i'm gonna be making lucky lipgloss and lucky perfume too im desperate lmaoooo TYSM FOR DOING TAROT OMG? ur my fav person ily💗this is acc super helpful because i've been complicating it sm lately even though ik it's easy?? like tf. i definitely didn't stop writing this to cry STOP BC I USED TO LIKE SNAPE BUT SEEING STORIES FROM UR DR IS MAKING ME GET PISSED ICL REMUS IS A REAL ONE ILY TOO GIRL UR ASKS ARE CARRYING ME RN (imacancer)
#🧿anon#reality shifting#marauders#shifting antis dni#shiftblr#shifting blog#desired reality#reality shift#shifting community#reality shifter#shifting realities#marauders shifting#shifting#shifting advice#shifting diary#reality shifting community#shifting motivation#shifting memes#shifting stories#shifting to hogwarts#shifting reality#shifting to marauders era#supernatural dr
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heyy since i have so many new followers i opened my asks. i’d love to hear some upset stomach stories right now 🤞 icl im high and on my fourth bowl of cereal if that gives anyone any inspo. my DMs are also alwaysss open for stories about your desperation
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this is just the first design drafts for the 60s trio, sorry if I'm bugging you with all my asks. I wanted to get your input on how you'd like them to look, as I'm not too fond of these designs.
First, with the glases, is Sun. I made his ear a bit more elvish, along with making him have a bit of a pouty lip. I realy couldn't decide between plump or lanky. I wanted to have him dress more dark/ warm acedemia.
Second is Vio, he was semi designed after elvis, mostly vibe wise. I wanted him to be slightly provocative (for the time) . not much to say on him.
Lastly, is dice, I wanted him a bit more muscular, but legit made him look like a mob boss lmao. again, not much on him, just that the cigar could be bigger.
I am in desperate need of feedback and direction.
first off, you would never ever bug me w/ your asks so never think that, okay? it's always a pleasure seeing you in my inbox🥺🩷 honestly, you have sm to be proud abt with the 60's trio bc i am genuinely loving the designs, like you did so well matching the vibe of the times w/ each of them. i'm gonna go ahead and think that they're all a bit older than their contemporary counterparts,, also adding now that i love all the clothing designs for them❗️❗️
warm academia sun is the only concept ever so im loving it. his freckles are also the cutest addition, your creative insight really gives him such a nice rounded look overall, i feel like he'd take care of his appearance a lot so his hairstyle is smth i actually quite like here too. from the perspective he's in rn it's out of shot anyway but his cheek moles are the only thing left,, you did him perfect🥰 (his expression is so cute, pouty lip sun >>>>)
i am really really loving vio's design icl, i can see him as popular in the public but dabbling in shady business behind the scenes and that is the ✨️image✨️ nothing to say abt him other than i really really like how you drew his cheekbones haha
i actually also really like dice's mob boss look too, the thicker eyebrows and chin dimple i think really make the 60s theme pop. might get a couple of loose strands from his hair bc yk it's gonna fall out of place when he's dealing with his subordinates (they do everything wrong) he also has a few beauty marks, but they're not crazy frequent on his face so it works w/o them as well
but all in all, i love what you've done!! take your creative liberties w/ it, bc where you're starting off is really working for them. always know that there can never be a wrong version when it comes to interpretation😌✨️
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omg im the tsc anon, i literally sent it cause i knew from the past aftg opinions you shared - you'd likely feel similarly to the way i did about tsc
neil outshines jean to such a shocking degree when he only has a handful of scenes... neil is a fantastic protagonist so ofc it's hard to live up to, but come on 😭 jean has such a weaker personality imo? he does/says less interesting things, but also has a less interesting perspective on things. his lack of standing up for himself when the trojans badgered him constantly and talked behind his back bothered me to. can u imagine neils reaction if the foxes had been sharing his secrets over a group chat?
but just in general. tsc felt like a sanitised version of aftg, if that makes sense? scrubbed clean of the controversial and unconventional aspects. and it's those aspects that, in my opinion, played a huge part in what made aftg so good. noras a very talented writer, but i can not comprehend the decision to make tsc... all that it was, yknow? it feels almost like it was written for the 'andreil say ily' part of the fandom...
neil really saved this book for me icl. outsider pov of him is fascinating. and while andrew barely said/did anything even when he was there, i actually kinda liked that? it puts into perspective how ig off-putting andrew can appear to those who don't put in the effort with him. 'creepy little goalkeeper' is so funny and so accurate, he IS a creepy little goalkeeper and i love that for him.
idk, some things i had anticipated - the trojans being who they are were never going to match the foxes. jeremy x jean was never going to match andreil (and ive seen ppl comparing them already... the blasphemy.) but there were things i was surprised weren't there. i had expected kevin and jeans relationship to be a lot more tense ig? i had thought jean would harbor a MUCH deeper resentment towards kevin, but i suppose its just not his character? but when i was reading, i couldn't help asking what would the fan reaction had been if that had been the case? if kevin and jeans past relationship, and places in a cult hierarchy, had shown through in a much uglier and uncomfortable way? i can see why she didn't do that, i don't even necessarily want that, i think i was just desperate for this book to have some sort of deep conflict between the characters.
on the subject, kevin felt quite different from how he was in aftg. but i can't quite put my finger on why.
anyway, it is nice to see someone else have mixed feelings towards the book. i enjoyed it, but i was shocked how many people seemed to really love it. not because it was bad. but because, to me, it was so fundamentally different from aftg.
thank you for sharing your thoughts! i suspected you might have written me bc i used to be the resident notorious contrarian of the fandom lol
yeah neil is a textbook example of a protag who drives the plot forward, he has that main character energy which jean totally lacks which makes sense since jean was originally a minor side character. at the same time the differences in their characterization make complete sense in universe due to the different ways they were brought up and the different trauma they faced. so it all comes down to each reader's personal preference: for me, neil's arc is a self-indulgent power fantasy. i think i have a strong sense of self and when i can't achieve something it's due to circumstances so far out of my control it's impossible to overcome them. it's therefore very satisfying to read about neil facing impossible odds and winning thanks to the sheer force of his personality, whereas jean's way of dealing with trauma feels less fun by comparison. but other readers can relate to him more and all the power to them. i do however think tsc does a disservice to its new characters by opening with a rather lengthy recap of how cool the foxes were in the last act of tkm and closing on a chapter where neil comes along and reminds us who the real hero of this story is🤷♀️
i don't think tsc has been entirely scrubbed clean of controversial aspects - i saw plenty of reviews complaining about the amount of dark content (in book 4 of a series known for its dark content, le gasp) - but i do think the handling of certain things was less nuanced than in aftg. for instance, both stories have a plot bit about someone unknowingly exposing a character to their abuser which leads to them being retraumatized (jean himself comments on the similarities between drake and grayson). in aftg that someone is nicky - a person andrew knows and trusts, a person the readers grew to care about (lol not me but certainly some other readers) - so his role in the tragic sequence of events is that much more upsetting. rape and abuse is terrible but the fact that a person who means well can exacerbate the issues bc they don't have the framework to understand the other person - that hits so much harder for me personally. so in the end drake is just an evil rapist but nicky is a much more nuanced character bc through him nora questions whether being nice and having good intentions is enough, whose feelings should be centered on in such a complex situation, whose emotional needs should be prioritized etc. by contrast, in tsc that person is lucas - someone we basically just met, who is nothing more than an antagonistic stranger to jean and who we therefore don't care about. which is why when he leads grayson to jean it's like, first of all, duhh. but secondly, bc it happens against the backdrop of the other ("good") trojans' cheerfully patronizing attitude it doesn't come so much as a shocking twist that puts the ways how we deal with complex trauma into an unconventional perspective than as a culmination of everyone disrespecting jean's boundaries all the time - which is likely what nora intended but the overall constellation feels much less interesting to me.
ig this ties into your point about the book lacking the kind of deep conflict aftg had - but maybe that was intentional too, maybe it's supposed to be aftg light in that sense, sort of a post canon character study fic. which i am not opposed to, not everything has to be high plot and tension and grey morality, but unfortunately the emotional core the story relies on in the absence of the plot just didn't work for me. i can accept jean's "weaker" personality, i can understand him not being able to stand up for himself even tho i can't admire it, but i draw the line at how forced his friendship with jeremy and the girls ended up feeling. like, i still can't get over cat's sex toy joke right on the heels of jean being badgered into admitting he had been sexually abused - the info which jeremy promptly spilled to the girls. if something like that happened to me i would never be able to trust these people again, much less call them friends so soon. it's such a bizarre contrast between how neil joining the monsters in tfc despite their problematic initiation rituals feels valid bc the narrative earned it both plot-wise (we're now facing a bigger enemy together) and character-wise (neil pushing back, talking about why they did it, nicky apologizing) on the one hand - and how jean accepting jeremy, cat and laila as his new friends feels rushed and artificial despite them being so very nice and domestic and wholesome on the other hand. idk maybe it's bc i'm inherently skeptical about disingenuous cozy/hopepunk subgenres in modern lit bc they usually have a darker underbelly people are loath to confront but ngl the words sanitized and conventional did come to mind while reading and so did the idea that tsc will especially appeal to a certain subset of fans which found the (at times uncomfortable) complexity of the original trilogy too much to handle. well, i hope they're enjoying their fantasy of healing a survivor of cptsd by cooking and shopping and hugs - i certainly got to enjoy mine in aftg, there's plenty to go around lol
besides, tsc being so different/separate from aftg makes it really easy to just not engage with the fan content and discussions if it starts feeling like they veer into the annoying territory too much. tbh my primary concern when tsc was announced was that it could contain some retcons about andreil and aftg which i wouldn't agree with - and that didn't happen, my boys are still very much in character, so i can just retreat to my enclosure and leave tsc to jean stans who are its main target audience in any case.
#aftg ask#aftg mine#book tag#all of this makes me want to reread aftg#neil is The Best#but the absence of andrew was felt acutely#like#if you think jeremy is a better or more interesting love interest we can't be friends lol#where's the finesse where's the showmanship#anyways#i'm also wondering about people's reaction to how the trojans are a queer friend group - almost to the point of caricature??#idk how i feel about that#if anyone wants to share their thoughts on that i'd love to read them
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hi babe 🌹
ah yes,,, networking. it’s so fun icl but sometimes I want to throw the sycophants and narcissists out of a window good luck with it all! I’m rooting for you from halfway across the globe <33
yeah that heat was not it 😭 and yESSSS HALLOWEEN. (we don’t do anything for it but I like the energy) ITS AUGUST? NO ITS BASICALLY SPOOKY SZN AYYYY
OSCAR ISAAC HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME. THE WHOLE GC WATCHED ME GO THROUGH EUPHORIA THEN THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF. ITS NOT OKAY-
also omg 2k??? Callie im so frEAKING PROUD OF YOU. OMG!!!! YOU DESERVE IT LIKE I CANNOT PUT IT INTO WORDS AND I CANT USE GIFS SO HERE HAVE MY THOUGHT PROCESS INSTEAD: AJFSHKLJDIEJ NO WAY OMG YESSS CALLIE SKALABDKSL *insert lots of love 💙*
-love 🦋
p.s sorry it’s taken so long to respond but im hereeee now :))
heeyyy heeyyyy !!! 💙
hehe I LOVE HALLOWEEN. it's the best time of year in my opinion :) like i've always been more excited for it than my own birthday tbh djdjskskdj. but i cant wait for this year’s spooktacular activities, it’s going to be so much funnnnn !!!!
listen— after that whole tik tok thing with oscar, im not going to believe any news about season 2 unless it comes out of kevin feige himself. i aM STILL SO HURTTT LIKE WTF HOW DARE HE DO THIS TO US 😭 ugHhsh i'm crossing my fingers that we get a confirmation at D23 next month tho. i'm begging @ marvel, please i only ask for even the slightest crumb of mk. i'm desperate for anything at this point ;_;
aND TYSM BBYY <3333 it’s insane that there’s so many following all the crazy goings happening on this blog LOLOL. but thank youuu for your love & support babes!!! it really means a lot whenever you swing by my inbox and drop an ask :)) it’s such a highlight to my day i swearrrr 💞
BUT HOW HAVE YOU BEEN ??? hope the week is treating you kindly and everything is as amazing as you are 💖 love you and stay awesome!!
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