#but im also forever exhausted and drained

[pink--moss]

Silly questionnn, do you play d&d?

Hiiii, never any silly questions here!! So I used to play a little bit a few years ago (nothing crazy, just casually) but I'm no longer friends with those people anymore, and I have been too shy to find new people to play with (cause I'm kinda rusty with playing and just generally awkward 😅) but, I would love to play again 🥺

[buckyalpine]

Hello and hope you are doing well!! I was wondering if you could do smut story where the reader get more than she bargained for when telling Bucky that his dark side could do a better job at certain things. Also your stories are amazing ❤️🖤

Bucky gives you what you ask

YESSS. Thank you bb, Im so sorry this took forever and I hope you see this, I loved this so much. And as always I got so lost in it. Good God. He is dirty, dirty here.

You loved the way Bucky loved you. He was so soft, gentle, took care of all your needs without leaving behind a single mark on your delicate skin. Bucky was nothing more than a soft sweet thing, slowly getting back into his boyish 40's charm, a gentleman at all times. If you didn't know about his past, you would've never guessed he'd have another side to him.

But you'd seen the shift in his demeanor whenever he'd train in the gym and even more so when he was out on the field. The way his eyes would narrow with laser like focus when hitting his targets, the way he wouldn't flinch when putting a bullet between their eyes. His face would be expressionless when his metal arm would wrap around their throat, slowly draining life out of them, parts of the Winter Soldier still running deep in his veins.

And how badly you craved to have that side of him take you apart.

"What is it sweets" Bucky watched you fidget with the buckles of his tac suit, helping him undress after he'd just returned after a mission. There was something about him in his all black straps, leather and weapons that made your knees weak. It didn't help that his beard had started to fill out, the ends of his hair starting to curl at the nape of his neck. "You okay?"

You adore how attentive he is even when he's exhausted after weeks away from home but you wished just for once, he'd choke you with his metal arm instead of just hugging you with it.

"I want-" You paused for a second before continuing, "I want more"

"More of what doll" Bucky's wide puppy eyes were filled with worry; he made sure to always pay attention to your needs and he'd do anything to make you happy. "Tell me, you know I'd do anything"

"Just- take more control, be more rough with me" You weren't sure how you wanted to explain yourself but your body knew exactly what it needed, growing hotter by the second the longer he stood there in his tac suit before you. He let out a soft chuckle when he realized what you meant, laying down his knifes off to the side on the dressed.

"I had you moaning my name before I left doll" Bucky playfully rolled his eyes while you huffed, your sexual frustration only growing more when he tossed off his Kevlar leaving him in his tight black tshirt.

"Well the Winter Solider would have me screaming" You shrug, not noticing the way Bucky froze, now staring at you without blinking. "I think that side of you would do a better job at certain things, Buck"

"You don't want to see that side of me sweets" Bucky tried to keep his voice neutral, ignoring the way his cock was already throbbing in his pants, straining painfully against the thick fabric.

"But what if I do?" you challenged back, taking a step back when he moved forward, slowly backing you against the wall of your shared bedroom.

"Doll..." He warned, squeezing his eyes shut trying to collect himself, his fingers twitching at his sides. "That's not a good idea"

"Why not, think the Winter Soldier wouldn't be able to make me feel as good?" You added a taunt to your voice, hoping to rile him up, his chest now nearly pressing against yours, caging you against the wall.

"Is that so" Bucky tested the water slowly, still wanting to give you an out if you needed one because he wasn't going to be able to hold back once he started. You nodded, heart hammering against your chest as he took in a deep breath, his jaw clenched.

"As you wish sweets" He whispered by your ear, the tip of his cool metal knife suddenly pressing against your throat. Your eyes grew wide at the fact that he'd slipped it into his hand so swiftly, you hadn't noticed. "If you want me to stop, say Brooklyn, understand?"

"Yes" You squeaked, while he dragged it till it rested under your chin, tilting your head up to look meet his darkened eyes. Without a word, he sliced down your blouse, ripping away at the material that caught in the middle. He didn't give you a chance to speak, his hands grabbing the edges of your bra, splitting it into two before tearing your leggings into pieces next.

You were complete naked within seconds, suddenly feeling exposed under his gaze, still fully dressed himself. Bucky had seen you naked countless times, in fact you'd change in front of him without a care in the world, always giggling at the cute blush he'd have on his cheeks.

But this wasn't the same.

Not even the slightest.

He tossed you over his shoulder and threw you on the bed letting you bounce off the mattress while he stood at the edge.

"Spread your legs"

It wasn't a request. It was a demand.

Bucky looked like he wanted to devour you. This was the same man that had his head between your legs more times than you could count but he was staring at you like he'd never seen you before. You shrunk back, squeezing your thighs together at the low growl he made, grasping your ankles and splitting them apart till you were completely exposed to him, your wet folds giving away how turned on you were. He fumbled with the button of his pants, unzipping them and pulling them down just enough to free his cock, his palm and fingers swiping up your pussy to gather you slick, slathering it over his erection.

"Such a pretty baby with such a pretty pussy"

You bit back a whine as he started to jerk his cock, circling the tip with his thumb, spreading his own arousal around. He took a step back to admire you, his eyes shamelessly raking up and down till he was satisfied with his fill. He moved to lay on top of you, his nose trailing along the column of your neck, inhaling your soft scent. There was something so feral about him, you stayed frozen in place while his hands found their way to your waist, squeezing the soft flesh.

"I'll show you exactly what you've been missing out on" He nipping your earlobe before crawling off you again to throw off the rest of his clothes. "God, I've wanted this for so long"

There was no prep, no foreplay, no soft kisses and sweet words. Bucky grabbed your hips, manhandling you till your face was pressed against the mattress, his swollen cockhead prodding at your fluttering pussy. He let out a dark chuckle, swiping his cock up and down through your folds, pressing his tip against your clit.

"Bucky, fuck me" You were desperate to feel him inside you, wiggling your hips as best as you could to get him to push it in you but you were instead met with a harsh slap to your ass, the cool metal making your skin sting.

"Impatient little slut" He shook his head, taking both your wrists and twisting them behind your back, He held them in one hand while the other snaked up tp grab your hair, tugging it tight from the roots. "Beg. Beg me to fuck you"

"P-Please Bucky, want it!"

"You want who to fuck you princess, say it, tell me exactly whose cock you want to ruin you"

"Yours soldat, please, want you, please fuck me solda-FUCKK" Bucky slammed his cock into you without warning, setting in a brutal pace that had you gasping for air. His balls smacked you with each thrust, the grip he had on your wrists and hair tightening for better leverage.

"I fuck needed this" His head was thrown back, his thighs meeting the back of yours as he fucked you harder than ever before, the squelching of your pussy making a sticky, dirty mess all over him. "You have no. Fucking. Idea. how fucking hard is it every time I fuck you"

His words were punctuated with harsh thrusts, growling at the way you'd already started to flutter around him as he hit your cervix. Your jaw was slack from surprise and pleasure, pathetic moans and whimpers replacing your words.

"Do you? Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to hold back kotenok? How hard is it for me to not fuck your brains out when I'm deep in such a tight pussy? How badly I want to rail you, YA tak dolgo khotel tebya trakhnut" [I wanted to fuck you so hard for so long]

You'd never hard Bucky speak Russian, not once but his filthy mouth didn't stop as he continued to rail you, foreign curses dripping from his mouth.

"You think I'm such a gentleman don't you, huh? You remember the first time we had sex princess? how I made love to you? How slow it was, how you moaned when I put my cock in you for the first time?"

"Y-yes" Your body was slack against the bed, only held up because Bucky was gripping onto you with a bruising hold.

"I made love to you that night, didn't I. But I like to fuck baby, especially you, I've wanted to fuck this pussy for so long, ruin it all just for me"

You were suddenly flipped over again, whining when you felt empty, only to be filled right back up again seconds later when Bucky laid on his back, pulling you to straddle on top of him. He planted his feet against the mattress, not giving you a chance to move, fucking up into you, the angle of his hips rubbing against that sensitive spot inside you.

"Oh-oh f-fuckk" tears streamed down your face as he tweaked your nipples between his fingers before wrapping his hand around your throat. He muffled your sobs, slipping his thumb between your lips, shoving it down your mouth till you drooled.

"You look so pretty when you cry kotenok, is it too much?" He taunted, squeezing your throat tighter, "Don't think I haven't noticed the way you stare at my arm princess, I always knew you were a needy little slut deep down You wanted this though, hm? Wanted my fat cock to ruin you till you wouldn't be able to walk?"

"I-oh god-fe-els good I-gonna cummm" You could barely formulate sentence, practically squealing when Bucky rolled over once again, this time tossing your legs over his shoulders, his hand snaking down to rub your swollen clit.

"Gonna cum, are you princess? Who do you belong to, say it, who fucks you this good?!"

"Y-You Bu-"

A harsh slap to your cheek made your pussy clench, Bucky's blue eyes dilated to rings, a feral expression his face as he smacked your face once more making you sob out of pleasure again.

"That's not whose fucking right now you is it?! Tell me, say it"

"YOU SOLDAT" You wailed as he continued to thrust into your puffy, overstimulated pussy, getting his teeth, grabbing onto the headboard as it slammed against the wall.

"That's right kotenok, you belong to him now" Bucky let his body weight fall onto you, bringing his knees up and pounding you deep against the bed, his own pace growing sloppy, balls pulling tighter towards his body. "Gonna give you all of his cum sweets, gonna fill this slutty desperate cunt with all of my cum, that's what you want isn't it? To be a little cum dump for the Winter Soldier?"

Bucky's mind went somewhere else, back to the first time he'd seen you, still as the Soldier, back when the team first discovered him. Back when his brain was fried but you had remined seared in his mind. Back when his mission was to finish you but some part deep down inside him wanted something else he didn't understand.

"God, where were you all those nights I had to touch myself alone, when I needed something warm and tight to cum in? huh? Bet you didn't know that huh princess? didn't know that the Soldier lusted after the pretty bunny that tried to take him down?"

Your eyes grew wide at his confession, pleasure desperate to snap within seconds.

"Did you know the winter soldier wanted to fuck you bunny? Did you know he'd jerk off when no one was watching? Had no idea what was going on Bunny, just remember my cock aching so bad, leaking so damn much. Nothing made it better until I touched myself. Didn't even know what I was doing, just fucked my fist while I thought about how pretty you looked in that tac suit, came all over my sheets like a little boy"

"I-fuck-Can-can I cum soldat?" You clung onto him, whimpering at the way you had to desperately hold back from gushing all over the sheets, his words too much, you couldn't take it any more.

"Go a head and cum princess, takoy khoroshiy kotonok" [such a good little kitten] He nipped up your neck, rubbing your clit faster, moaning with you as you started to cum around his cock. His movements didn't stop, fucking you through your high till your body jolted under him, the smell of sex heavy in the room.

"S-S'too much" You hiccupped while Bucky continued to fuck you like a man with no morals.

"Too much? It's too much for you kitten? Don't worry, gonna fill you up so good baby, where, where do you want to soldat to cum?!"

"Inside!" You cried out, locking your ankles around his waist, your slurred sob turned into a guttural moan when he pinched your clit between his fingers.

"Here it comes kotenok, got so much cum for you, it's gonna drip baby, get ready, here it comes, here it fuckin' comes- OH FUUCCKKK" Bucky roared against your neck before stilling, his cock throbbing and twitching, hot seeding feeling you up till it leaked. You were practically floating, too fucked out to realize He'd gently gotten off you and cradled you close.

"Are you okay pretty girl?" Bucky cooed, snapping back into the sweetheart that he was, the switch over leaving you reeling with your eyes still crossed. "My poor baby"

Bucky chuckled at your dazed expression, cuddling you up to his chest, caressing your sweat slicked skin.

"Come back to me princess" He pulled the covers up to warm you up in his arms, resting you carefully against the pillows. "My good girl, you did so good for me angel, m'so proud of you, so good"

You whimpered in response, curling up against him, your body still jolting and pulsing.

"Was it too much angel?" His brows furrowed with concern, cupping your cheek to look at him. He kissed away the now dry tear tracks that stained your face, his thumb swiping over your hot skin.

"Never" You rasped out, your voice raw from screaming, "Was perfect Soldat"

"You're perfect angel" Bucky grinned, stroking your spine while you continued to snuggle into him, his cock already twitching at the thought of another round. "My perfect little kotenok"

[kinokkotsu]

Satisfied — Yuuta Okkotsu x Reader

々 Today’s Music Recommendation: Dark Red By Steve Lacy

A/N: im waiting for Mappa to finally give the jjk fan service to Yuta girlies.

You have accepted the fact that Yuta has nothing for you.

He is such a sweet and innocent soul with a dedicated heart. You should accept the fact that he truly wants to focus on what he is doing right now or otherwise you’d be the bad person.

Your brain tells you — you’re selfish because your heart just wouldn’t stop the way you look at him so dearly nor stop the way you touch him so tenderly despite the fact that he is only second to Gojo Satoru. Besides he has vowed how his heart only belongs to Rika.

Somewhere along that sentence has shuttered your heart once.

You and him were close, extremely. Extremely to the point where you both easily sleep in each other’s room without breaking a guilt, no nasty or sexual behavior from that. Just as close friends.

Yuta only has you if Maki, Toge or Panda were away for a mission. You are always there to embrace his coldness and bare with it everytime he needs you. You study as a Jujutsu Medical Student to treat physical wounds of your patients but Yuta seems to believe you also have the ability to plaster his scars within his sensitive heart.

You enjoy the thing you have with him. Love doesn’t have to be this and that. You are satisfied with whatever you are sacrificing for him. You hope this would last forever but you know life doesn’t always go as planned.

Higher ranks have decided to send him overseas, and you don’t like where this has headed.

“that meeting was draining for sakes..,” Sighs Yuta who plots down on the bed, next to your warm body, after he has stood his sword against the wall.

Yuta groans in exhaustion while he stretches his legs like a child. He always acts like a kid every time he is back from those old people, though it would lying if you admit you hate him whining over tiny problems.

“You shouldn’t have gone there if you already figured what it is going to be about,” you state, feeling Yuta lean into the crook of your neck while embracing your body.

He nods in your neck before sighing and holding you closer. “I just thought I needed to,” he says.

Silence fills up the room as you both kept quiet for a long time. No one is really in the mood to talk apparently, with all these missions and all these patients dragging the two of you down. The physical touch is the only way to express the burden you both are having.

The crickets in the background rhyme each seconds, entertaining the night as it goes on. The hoots of the owls alarmed how the night has been late for the humans to not fall asleep but neither of you couldn’t seem to close your eyes from exhaustion.

“..i must have to wait such a long time for you to come back,” you start the conversation, pushing your head back as you stare at the ceiling blankly.

He nods, again. Not wanting to spit a word nor waste his leftover energy comforting you.

Yuta has never felt so guilty doing this with you. Lately he could feel himself getting nervous and worried whenever you come to meet him even especially if you are busy. In fact he has been craving your touch then he has ever had in the past, knowing he must leave you soon.

Rika might be his first love but he is convinced he has fallen in love once again. This time with you.

The way you touch him so tenderly as if he was as fragile as glass, The way you look at him so dearly that he could melt right in that place, everything you behave around him get him smiling like an immature child.

He knows how he is hurting you like this, how it must have been draining you to accept the fact that he feels nothing towards you when in reality it is all incorrect.

That is when Yuta back his face away from your neck and look at you, staring as your eyelids seem like they are about to shut down anytime soon. He stares as he continues detecting every inch of your face that is illuminated by the moonlight.

A countdown goes on his mind for a good while till your eyes completely close.

“take care..of yourself, silly” he whispers while he brushed the dark circles under your eyes. You have fallen asleep already and he knows it. You are a heavy sleeper, and that is one fact about you that he thinks is cute.

Jujutsu Sorcerers are not ones to be fortunate when falling in love. He knows if he did, one of their lives could end tragically due to how cruel the world can be. Keeping the problem folded is better than unfolding the problem before it leaves you miserable for life. He knows you are in love with him and he shamelessly admits he is a coward for letting himself avoid these problems.

The energy that remains in his body is about to run out yet he could not stop stealing glimpses of you.

He lets out one last sigh for the day before he gives a quick peck on your cheeks and smiles. He quickly pushes himself to the top as he embraces your head in his arms. Glancing over the top of your head before letting himself join the night with you.

Staying in the presence with you like this keeps him satisfied even if everything around him has turned into dust.

Just you and him against this ruthless world.

Reblogs and comments are really appreciated xoxo

[inlovewithl3vi]

hello i hope your life is very good! may u do how the brothers' would react to seeing mc just randomly staying in their room all day in their bed, not even eating to the point that they've started to lose a lot of weight. sorry for any English mistakes and I hope you have many blessings!

I’m so sorry it took me forever to respond to this!!! I’m horrible at writing anything that’s a lil sad, because then I get sad. I’m gonna try my best though! I also decided to write the brothers separately, I’ve never done that before so I guess I’m just gonna try it and see if I like it. This also might be a little ooc but whatevs.(P.s. i hope your life is good too!)

Lucifer

✧ It started when RAD went on break for a while, about three weeks. It was only supposed to be one, But problems started and now it’s three.

✧ You started to stay in your room more, only coming out to eat or on occasion to do something with someone if they asked.

✧ He doesn’t notice when you start missing breakfast. His brothers sometimes sleep in too, he understands that your only human.

✧ He only worries when you haven’t been at the table at breakfast or dinner.

✧ He’s a little embarrassed too, since he didn’t even notice until the third week has started and you haven’t been seen for 3 days.

✧ This definitely raises red flags in his head, he knows humans are fragile compared to demons.

“MC? I know you’re in there…” he knocks on your door, waiting for some kind of response. When he doesn’t get any he just opens the door and walks in. It doesn’t even matter if it’s locked, he’s still gonna open it.

✧ When he walks in he just kinda stands there. He can notice a change in you, not just the fact that Your body looks physically different but also that he can tell your exhausted.

✧ Eventually he walks up to your bed and sits on the edge of it.

✧ You’re playing on your DDD and look up. You already know what it’s about.

“MC… what’s wrong?”

✧ You look up at him and see a mix of worry and sadness on his face. You immediately feel bad, not realizing that he cared that much.

“Nothing, im Fine” you shrug and look back at your DDD. “No you’re not.” He takes it out of your hand gently. “I can see you’ve lost weight. You also look just so… drained” you sigh, knowing you have no choice but to explain.

“I’ve just been so busy with work at RAD I’ve just kinda been on autopilot. I guess I just… crashed”

✧ He sighs and wraps his arm around you when you sit up.

✧ You’re not used to that kind of attention from Lucifer, so you decide to enjoy it while you can.

“You should have told me MC… you’re only a human, your body needs these things you’ve been putting off.”

✧ You nod, knowing he’s right.

✧ In the end you talk to him more and agree to get help when you need it this time.

✧ He also makes sure you’re eating well, he doesn’t enjoy seeing you in a worsened state.

✧ You actually make him promise he’ll be more careful about overworking himself and skipping meals, since he’s also a little guilty when it comes to that kind of stuff.

Mammon

✧ With him you don’t last long doing that.

✧ He notices almost immediately. The fact that you’re not there at breakfast to remind him why he goes to RAD in the first place, to see you when your in class together. To make you laugh at stupid jokes he makes, to just be there with him.

✧ He notices when you’re not at dinner either, not having you there to defend him when his brothers get a little carried away with making fun of him. Or to tell him his new scheme sounds good, but it’s not actually the best idea (you’ve probably had that same conversation so many times, but he’ll still take your advice)

✧ So after 5 days he can’t take it. He’s seen that you started online classes and that nobody has seen you around the house at all.

✧ He decides to take matters into his own hands and get into your room.

✧ I would recommend opening it when he knocks, because he WILL break it down.

He immediately starts asking questions. “Hey! MC what do ya' think your doin?” You look at him as he comes in, not even giving you time to go back to your bed after getting up to let him in.

“What do you mean?” You rub your eyes a little, clearly having been asleep moments prior. “I mean look at ya! You’ve clearly lost weight. And I mean don’t take this the wrong way… but yer face don’t look to human no more” you just stare at him blankly. “What” your expression doesn’t change as you look at him. “You look like some kinda zombie… why haven’t you been eating? Ya kinda look like you haven’t gotten much sleep either…” you shake your head a little before speaking “I was just asleep” he rolls his eyes at your response “what for the first time in a week? When did you eat last? I haven’t even seen ya out of your room”

✧ You go back and forth with him for a moment, trying to get him to believe you’re fine.

✧ It doesn’t work though. But I mean, were you really expecting it to?

“I guess with the combination of having so much homework and being in a new place it just caused me to… I don’t know… crash? I guess I have been ignoring my needs” you look away from him when you explain.

✧ His gaze softens when he looks at you.

“MC… ya know you could have told me. I’m your first! You’re supposed to go to me for these things!” You can’t help but chuckle a little at the slight pout on his face.

✧ Eventually you and Mammon talk a little more and he decides he’s going to help you talk to Lucifer about how much work teachers give you. (Since it really is an inhuman amount) and although he can’t fix the fact that you were just thrust into a literal brand new world, he decides he’s gonna do everything in his power to make it better for you.

Leviathan

✧ As much as I love him, he wouldn’t notice at all.

✧ In fact it took his brothers mentioning it before he noticed you were never at any meals they had together.

✧ He debated going into your room to check on you. He was so nervous to upset you, since whenever he shuts himself into his room it’s for a reason (mostly because he doesn’t wanna be disturbed).

✧ Eventually he found himself standing outside your door.

✧ He knocked gently, silently hoping that you wouldn’t respond. That was until he heard a quiet “it’s open” coming from inside.

✧ Although he was nervous, and quite honestly didn’t wanna do this at all, you always checked on him so it was time to return the favor.

“MC?…” he calls out as he walks into your room.

✧ He finds you in your bed, trying to keep your eyes open as you play on your DDD. You don’t even acknowledge him when he walks up to you.

✧ He debates just walking out again, just acting like nothing’s wrong.

✧ That’s until he notices that you’ve clearly lost a bit of weight, and you don’t look like you’ve slept in a week.

“MC… I just came to check on you. Uhm- are you alright?”

✧ He mentally curses himself. Obviously you weren’t ok.

✧ You look up from your DDD and can immediately see concern on his face.

“Levi-“ you start to say you were ok but stop yourself. You know you’re clearly not ok, and you can’t really deny it.

“I- uhm… It’s something stupid, I’m sorry for making you worry. I guess I just got a little carried away with shutting myself in my room.” You look away from him when you talk.

“It’s not stupid if it makes you shut yourself away like this” he’s nervous when he talks, he’s almost surprised he didn’t stutter. “You… you told me that when I shut myself away it’s not stupid.”

✧ You sigh and smile a little, knowing that you helped him before so maybe you should let him help you.

“I- I think I’m homesick” it’s almost shameful to admit. The fact that you miss your family and friends, even though you have a good life here.

✧ He nods, acknowledging your problem.

“I can’t fix that… but uhm… you said that hiding in your room away from your problems isn’t a good thing, I’m not sure how to make you feel better… but uhm you can always come in my room you know. Just… take care of yourself” he mumbles slightly, clearly nervous about saying something to comfort you.

“Thanks Levi” you sit up and lean on his shoulder, He’s internally freaking out but somehow remains calm on the outside as to not scare you away.

✧ You decide to get up and eat something before heading to his room.

✧ You had decided to take him up on his offer and go into his room.

✧ When you get there he’s playing some sort of game, silently focused on what he’s doing. He looks over at you before immediately going back to his game, already knowing why you’re there.

✧ You crawl into his bathtub bed and pull some blankets over you. The calming sound of the clicking of his controller slowly makes you more tired than before.

✧ For that moment you don’t feel as homesick, you promise to take care of yourself better. Mostly so that you can be around your second family in the devildom.

Satan

✧ He notices almost immediately that you’ve been skipping meals and not coming out of your room.

✧ Even though he notices he decides to let you figure out your problems on your own, since he knows sometimes people just need a day or two away from people.

✧ But when it lasts more than two days he’s immediately concerned.

✧ He starts texting you asking if you’re ok and if you would like him to bring you anything.

✧ After four days he gets sick of waiting and just decides to go to your room.

✧ He walks in without knocking, and you’re sitting at your desk with papers piled high all around you.

“MC? What are you doing… you haven’t come out of your room.” He looks at you with a concerned expression on his face.

✧ You look up from the paper you were writing on and turn towards him.

“Gotta study, I just finished this week’s homework not too long ago” you shrug and turn back towards the paper in front of you.

“MC it’s the weekend, you haven’t come out of your room in four days. How were you even getting your work from RAD?” You shrug before responding “I paid Mammon to leave it outside my door for me, the teachers just think I’m sick.” He sighs at your response. “You shouldn’t need to do this, you’re basically working 24/7 by the looks of it… you look like you’ve even lost weight.”

✧ You just shrug again and ignore him.

✧ He wasn’t having any of that though.

“Fine. If you insist on working so much why don’t you let me tutor you after RAD? I’ll help you so you don’t have to spend so much time on it” you shake your head at his suggestion. “It’s not even that, the work is so much… and I just don’t know it. I mean I didn’t even know demons existed a couple months ago! How am I supposed to know devildom history? Or the fact that I’m just a human and seductive speechcraft is basically useless to me. I have to work hard yet the only person I can keep up with is Mammon.”

✧ You can feel yourself getting more and more upset as you continue to talk so you stop and turn away from Satan.

“MC… you should have told me, or any of my brothers for that matter. And although I hate to admit it, you should have told Lucifer” he sighs and places his hand on your cheek, making you look at him. “You shouldn’t neglect your health for grades.

✧ You let him pick you up and carry you into your bed before pulling the blankets over you.

“I’m gonna bring you something to eat, I’m sure you’re hungry.” He smiles at you before stepping out of your room.

✧ Although he was telling the truth, he is going to make a stop into Lucifer’s office.

✧ Just ignore it if you hear Satan screaming at him, he’ll just tell you Lucifer was annoying him anyway.

Asmo

✧ He’s another one of the brothers to notice immediately and try and help you, a little similar to Mammon.

✧ At first he doesn’t think too much of it, just keeping the fact that he hasn’t seen the cute human walking around in his head.

✧ That’s until he sees you at RAD.

✧ He hadn’t seen you the last 5 days of the week, but after the weekend comes to an end and he finally gets to have a class with you at RAD he’s going to start freaking out a little.

✧ He hadn’t seen you at breakfast or dinner, wich was odd to him but he assumed you just went somewhere else.

✧ He immediately realized that wasn’t the case when he saw you sitting at the table you two shared in devildom history class.

“MC! What’s wrong” he’s immediately scanning you up and down, taking a mental note of how exhausted you look along with the fact that you look like you’ve lost weight. “Oh hi Asmo. nothings wrong” you shrug and turn back to your notebook.

✧ He also noticed that fact that you try and hide your face a little from him.

✧ But that won’t do, he hasn’t seen your face for 5 whole days. Wich is far too long for his liking.

“No, we’re not doing that. I haven’t seen your pretty face in five days. Five whole days! Were you even at RAD the last three days last week?” He places his hand over yours as he speaks. “No, I stayed home… I got my work from a friend” you reply, still looking away. “MC… something’s clearly wrong. You can tell me, I promise whatever it is that’s making you neglect your health we can fix. You should know how important it is to take care of yourself!”

✧ You sigh, debating on whether you should tell him or not.

✧ Ultimately, you decide that if one person can help you it’s probably Asmo.

“I guess I just… didn’t really feel good. I still don’t. I mean, the lack of sun down here really isn’t helping my skin at all. And I’ve been so tired from having so much homework. Not to mention Lucifer just added more chores for me to do. I guess I’ve just felt so… ugly. I don’t even want to be here right now.” You can feel tears form in your eyes as you fight to push them back.

✧ Asmo just pauses for a second. He realizes you are going through the same thing he has before.

✧ He places his hand gently on your cheek, making you look at him.

“Oh MC, you should have told me” he has a look. Of genuine concern on his face as he places bother hands on your cheeks. “I know how you feel, believe it or not even the beautiful avatar of lust has off days.” He smiles slightly at you. “That’s no reason to neglect your health though, now let’s go. We’re gonna go home and have a very long spa day… and night, we’re having a sleepover too”

✧ He smiles brightly and takes your hand, almost dragging you out of the classroom with him.

“Won’t Lucifer get mad? We still have like three quarters of the day left” Asmo just chuckles as you make your way out. “I’ll deal with him later.”

Beel

✧ Yeah you’re not gonna get away with not eating with him. He notices the first day you’re not at dinner and he’s immediately worried.

✧ The only way you really could is by telling him you have food with you when you really don’t.

✧ Until he notices you haven’t come out of your room either. Then he’s even more concerned.

✧ You’d probably be alone for a 4 days before he checks on you in your room.

“MC… you haven’t been at dinner… or breakfast… and I haven’t even seen you eat lunch” he pouts slightly when he sees you laying in your bed. Your DDD is on and in your hand but you’re clearly not paying attention. “Hmm? Just haven’t been hungry” you mumble and sit up.

✧ He’s definitely internally freaking out when he sees you. You’ve clearly lost weight, and to him that’s probably the worst thing imaginable to happen to the human.

“MC! You don’t look good at all…” he’s surprised and worried at the same time. “What’s wrong? You can tell me” you shrug before speaking “I don’t really know… I just lost my appetite. I haven’t been able to sleep to well either, it’s been kinda hard to get out of bed.” You look down, a little embarrassed to admit it.

He sits down on the edge of the bed and nods as you talk. “You should have told me, i would have tried to help sooner…” he’s almost a little disappointed with himself that he didn’t come and help before.

✧ You talk with him a little more, explaining your situation.

✧ Eventually he offers to carry you to the kitchen with him and you agree, deciding that next time you feel this way you’ll ask for help so you don’t worry Beel.

Belphie

✧ Again, as much as I love him he doesn’t notice at all. He also doesn’t care as much either.

✧ You’ve probably been missing from meals for a week by now and nobody’s seen you around the house.

✧ Belphie has a habit of falling asleep at the table after only eating half of his food, so he doesn’t always remember who exactly was there.

✧ He notices when he’s going around other peoples dreams.

✧ He has a habit of using his powers to go through each of his brother’s dreams at night, making sure there’s no nightmares and that they’re all asleep. None of them know of course (Lucifer does, but he doesn’t mind. He almost thinks it’s sweet that Belphie actually cares about his brothers in some way)

✧ You don’t know either. But you haven’t been sleeping at night, and Belphies noticed. He hasn’t been in your dreams lately and he only realized when he had a thought that he was missing something.

✧ He’s always liked going into your dreams, he liked seeing how your dreams were mostly of him and his brothers. So when he realized he hasn’t been in one for quite a while he’s concerned.

✧ He does the one thing he hates the most, he wakes up in the middle of the night for you.

✧ He immediately makes his way to your room, not bothering to knock as he walks in

“Why haven’t you been sleeping?” He immediately asks when he enters. You’re sitting up in your bed, reading a book. “I can’t sleep, I’ve tried everything. I can’t eat either. I think I’m just rotting away in my bed.”

✧ He can’t help but sigh. He can see that you’re exhausted and that you’ve clearly lost weight.

“Move over” he says simply as he moves to crawl into your bed. “Put your book away too.” You raise a brow at him but do what he says anyway. He clicks off the light and pulls you in close to him.

“What are you doing?” You immediately ask. “Helping you sleep. I can do that you know, you should have come to me earlier.” You roll your eyes slightly before enjoying his comforting embrace.

“Oh, and you’re gonna eat tomorrow too. If you really feel like you can’t, I promise to help… somehow”

✧ You sigh contently and nod. He places his hand over your eyes a you feel a weird wave of tiredness overtake you. Just before you fall asleep you hear him mumble something.

“Don’t do that again… you had me worried”

[chronicpaingirlie]

also like. able bodied people don’t fucking get how much i hate not being able to bathe more than once or twice a week. how when i do, i usually have to choose between washing my hair or washing my body, because i rarely have energy to do both. how much it sucks not being able to stand up or move around on my own without vastly disproportionate pain & exhaustion. how shitty it feels to be stuck in my bed all the time because even sitting up for more than ten minutes drains all my energy.

they don’t get how much i miss just going on walks around my neighborhood. they don’t understand that i would give just about anything to go rock climbing or ice skating again. how much i would like to just be able to drive a car into town or walk around a store and feel fine afterward.

able bodied people just can’t seem to get it through their heads that yeah, disability disables. im not being lazy, im not doing it for a joke, im not doing this because i want attention or sympathy. half my doctors don’t even believe me!!! i feel like crying almost daily because of how much there is i can’t do anymore. i can’t do stuff. it fucking sucks. and the mockery and the skepticism and the ableism - believe it or not - make it suck way more than it already did. & what i would love most right now is if able bodied people would collectively shut up forever

[mushroomnoodles]

info

mush/noodle · he/him · 21

read the FAQ?

hi. i draw sfw, nonfetish mpreg. of simon petrikov. i dont take requests unless im particular to them + simon related. but im willing to discuss and answer questions you have abt the whole.. mpreg simon thing lol, and you're always welcome to suggest things you want to see pertaining to my content, just uh.. be patient, and be aware im only gonna post simon stuff lol. i dont do a/b/o either. my blog is very fluff + angst forewarning. i aint afraid to touch heavier topics but i try my best to tw them accordingly.

i have a group of running aus and sometimes my content isn't just mpreg. im extremely uncomfortable with proship. please dont be horny on my art, i will block you. other than that im pretty chill

my art tag is #i have a mproblem, i also have #golbaby and #golbaby +1000 if youre looking for the baby or them in 1000 years. #my style is for works in my non-at art style. au tags beneath the cut :)

MAIN TIMELINE AUS (morrigan is the child of GOLBetty and the Simon in the show)

#plainvanilla the default timeline. the au color is purple. #wizardbetty (petrigrof semi-fix it au where simon is brought back in time into an alternate universe where betty survived as a budding wizard in the nuclear fallout, where he has to navigate the apocalypse while pregnant. eventually, morrigan creates a portal back to ooo, and the two try their best to get back to normal life while raising golbaby and trying to relate to humans from a time that is not their own.) the au color is blue.

#spicywizardbetty (similar to wizardbetty but simon is brought to the present day in her au. betty has full MMS and thinks he is her universe's simon come back to be with her.) the au color is the same blue as wizardbetty's.

#replacement dad (morrigan kidnaps an ice king from another universe and uses their transmutation abilities to change the wiring to bring that simon back and change the crown's appearance enchantment to make him resemble their dad. this simon, referred to as Imon or Ice Simon, is kept in morri's pocket dimension while they "fix" him.) this au has no set color. #bad end. (au where morrigan is unable to break the seal placed on them and is born 6 months after their due date; exhausted from trying to break the seal for so long, they drain the life of everything around them and it ends up killing everyone in the candy kingdom. marcy is a chaos creature now and pb is a monstrosity akin to the mother gum) this one is super angsty! the au color is grey. #forever seal (au where the seal placed on morrigan is extremely powerful and meant to be permanent, or at least until pb can figure out how to neutralize golbaby's powers; simon runs off shortly afterwards and is desperately seeking some way to break the seal on his baby. a wanted man, he travels ruins and hunts for artifacts and researches spells, while trying not to garner any attention from the townsfolk he lives with.) the au color is dark green.

#creaturewizards (arguably the most canon divergent, where wizards are all different kinds of mythical creatures. simon was turned into a sphinx and retains the species after being digested by GOLB, where betty becomes a harpy before becoming GOLBETTY. when she impregnates simon, he is expecting a whole litter instead of just morrigan.) the au color is brown.

MAJOR AUS (these universes do not feature morrigan as a golbaby, and the simons, betties, etc are different)

#candyworld (au where simon and betty are recreated as candy people, with betty being the candy elemental in pb's place. eventually she gains proper sentience with no candy person dumb dumb and overthrows pb, becoming the incredibly territorial candy witch.) the au color is pink.

#vamparents (au where simon and betty are vampires in the vampire king's inner circle, known as THE HANGED MAN and THE WORLD separately, and THE LOVERS together. betty was ambushed by a vampire before the mushroom war and was turned, before biting simon to save him from death by radiation poisoning.) the au color is maroon.

#lichtrikov (au where the host body The Lich chooses is the corpse of Simon Petrikov, unwittingly incurring GOLBetty's wrath. there is an alternate timeline of this where she impregnates him with a child meant to punish him forever by rendering him useless.) the au color is green.

#magic morri (au where magic betty and ice king stay together and have morri, who is then taken and raised by pb and marcy) the au color is teal. #dreamtime au (very tiny au following a dream i had once where magic betty turned ice king back into simon successfully after learning he was pregnant. ice king's personality is not entirely gone.) the au color is very loosely dark blue, but doesn't have a set color either.

[gent-illmatic]

A matter of time⏱

(A long af ramble)

I don’t care how long you’ve known some people, what the bond was, if they’re relatives, part of a community, childhood friends, best work buddies etc.

Everybody isn’t meant to stay in your life!

During my spiritual journey I realized you can’t “helicopter” over the people you care about. It’s a dysfunctional love language many of us have. I wanted to support and guide my loved ones to the best of my ability. I’m known as the therapist/fixer of any friend group I’m apart of.

I’m the Olivia Pope of this shit. However, I would end up being the emotional trash bag ,while they reject every plausible solution presented. Im the person strategizing how to get them on track and distracting from my own goals to save theirs (ppl pleasing). Silently seething because not only do they seem to care very little about themselves … but also about my time and effort in supporting them! They’re turning up while I’m stressing for them.

I also realized a lot of these actions stemmed from events in my childhood, but I digress!

Then the “Ah ha” moment hit!

They don’t owe me shit.

Why? … because it’s not my job to do that! They’re not calling for advice. They’re calling to vent. Yes, being a good listening ear is part of being a good support as well. We don’t always have to swoop in with “what you should do is…”. I also learned my actions of support make me seem like a “know it all” with good intentions. It sends signals that I don’t believe they are capable of figuring out their own issues. As if they were mentally challenged. This dynamic breaths life into resentment.

However, for people like me , that becomes exhausting after while. Loved ones complaining about the same bullshit misfortunes over & over without looking for solutions, better discernment, or to establish positive patterns/habits. Constantly returning back into the arms of what has them forever frustrated. Wanting you to hold all of their emotional and dysfunctional baggage. You are being spiritually drained!

🫠

Especially, if you’ve done the work for your own life’s outcome! With or without therapy! You’ve put in the effort aside from your prayers. Now, you’re reaping the peaceful benefits of the investment in your life. You feel your spirit and life being led to better pastures ….It’s time to realize…

You’ve outgrown them.

it’s time to love them from afar!

The dynamic you once shared has expired/changed. The people you were in the beginning, No longer exists now. It’s no longer serving or fulfilling.

People will always prioritize themselves (as they should). You need to make sure you do the same. Nobody will care about you more than yourself as an adult. You can care for your loved ones, and wish them well. Give them guidance if specifically asked. However, we can’t live for them or force them to take our advice! It doesn’t matter how great the quality of our advice is…. We don’t even have to experience the consequences of the advice we give them! They have the choice of what to take and what to leave! We don’t even know if we have all the facts of the scenario anyway. They have their journey and you have yours…

But….

If their dysfunctional life starts to effect yours just being in their company…you begin reaping their consequences for their choices…you notice yourself regressing … you recognize you’ve lost sight or esteem of your own life mission…

Fall back.

You are the average of the 5 closest people to you. Choose wisely!

The mental ease you receive for allowing people to “do them” and letting go is priceless. Now you have time to dedicate towards your own conquests , continue your own development, and learn from your own choices.

I’m rambling now… but one last thing

Beware: When people notice you walking away to a better life, they may morph into your enemy. They may spill your secrets, smear you, they may not even care about your absence. If that’s the case It’s all good… some people can live in your heart but not in your life!

Keep the grass cut🌾🐍🌾

-KANAAN🌱

[stardustpinkart]

I have yet to see "Wish". And I'm parlty waiting to do so. Lots of people have reimaginings and au's about it and some likit, other seems to hate it. It seems an okay film at best?

Anyway, its a bit easier to make up an alternate storyline, when you dunno what the canon is. Sometimes canon prevents you from imagining what could be, it can be a mental hookup? So if I can like to draw a few pics before seeing it. I do know SOME things and some stuff that couldve been.

The main is of course little star being a boy.

My personal AU is this and its probably like others. The design of Starboy here btw belongs to another, the-gateway-to-madness

SO.

I imagine the Kingdom, it all seems so perfect and wonderful, and of course these places are anything but. They hide the cracks. And the people tend to leave everything to there monarchs becuase its easier, or they cant fight back. Seems the King controls whether or not wishes get granted in this land and no doubt an obsession for power and complete control.

Star, he simply goes by star, kinda going "Gargoyles" route here they dont typically have names, falls in love with Asha at first sight. Stars are quite innocent and on a diffrent plane form humans, they dont deal with the same issues as they do not to mention I imagine, omnipotent powers?

All he wants is to make her happy and use his magic to do so. But Asha is an ordinary girl, and its all very overwhelming? If a magic being loved you, woudlent it be a lot to take on? Larger than life? So very slow burn on her part, if at all. He's very sweet, but, its a lot to deal with.

If Magnifico knew Star had fallen to earth I have no doubts he'd want to use him. Keep him locked away and use his power for his own. A tool, an ultimate weapon.

I imagine Star turns into his lil form thinking hes being incospicous, but of course its anything but(maybe pretend to be a stuffed toy now and then), but he also might turn into it when he's exhausted, his power draining.

This is what would I'm sure happen, Star locked away in the castle dungeon to be kept like a caged bird, just for Magnifico to use his magic. He'll NEVER let him go, he'll remain there forever. It would be up to Asha and her love to save him.

She could also be a fairy godmother, thats part of the movie right, starting it off? If she and Star were a couple Im sure.

If I was a writer Id love to do a story but, I'm not really. Not alone anyway I can come up with blurbs like this, thats the most of it. I can draw though so

[smittyw]

i wanted to make some dinky elevator pitch introductions for my fav ocs because.. i dont talk about them very coherently it seems. or at all! what!!

to finally make up for that i'll put my extended edition under the cut below. love peace taco grease and stay frosty forever

so from what i gather in my notes, razz is the only recognizable one around here who got their lore blasted from a megaphone the second i came up with it. after that i got shy.. i was too busy having thoughts to ever explain who molly and Q were or where they came from. and its been like 2 years. well!

nat and molly are formerly codependent childhood friends and funhouse mirror versions of each other who split paths after high school. theyre like if two besties fated to be a detective duo spat on fate's shoes and ran off in different directions to do the same thing but badly & alone.. molly actually hit the books to become a private investigator, champion of truth and justice, while nat hit the pavement to become a paparazzo, champion of clickbait. they hate each other a lot but given the slightest chance they will attach at the hip again and drain the life from each other.

Q is later to the party, a terminally exhausted college dropout and shut-in with a notable (anonymous) presence in the online music scene. every slight inconvenience in his life is a straw and when the last one hits boy is he ready to just drive into the sunset or maybe the ocean or maybe just live in his car and stop talking to people forever. if the band they joined out of peer pressure makes it big or they get found out for their alter ego its so over..but luckily they started dating the most nosy and paranoid idiot alive & inadvertently pissed off the second most nosy and paranoid idiot alive in the process, so surely nothing like that could ever happen

these goobs run in slightly different circles that overlap juuust enough to be a problem, and its hard not to run into the most annoying eccentrics in their unserious version of LA slightly stuck out of time. if i were reintroducing lore important characters itd include plenty more than just them (eg freddy mysteriously missing from this description of events as if he isnt also there) but imho i have no obligation to pay attention to anything outside the range of my hyperfixation blast. the important thing to me rn is just to let yall know what the hell im talking about when i make stupid jokes everyday about girlies who dont exist <3

[masterofengene]

COULD i also request an idol!K oneshot/longshot (perefered fem reader but also wtv you are comfortable w) inspired by you are in love by taylor swift and its like suuper fluffy and he is so sweet and kdramary and like theyre wondering around the city or smth(can you tell I just finished binge watching i-land and immediately need compensation for the pain it caused me 😭😭😭) omg maybe like a friends to lovers trope and he realises how much she means to him and its like a she fell first but he fell ten times harder like IM SO SORRY FOR RAMBLING I NEEDED TO GET THIS OUT OF MEJFDHSKDFGJ like im just imagining confessions in the rain after a miscommunication which left them both rlly sad and then she runs after him in the middle of a city street at midnight. honestly PLS TAKE complete creative freedom because as you can probably tell my thoughts rn r super messy and delulu ajshgfhkfhkgdjhsdfhgfdjkg i literally just have been thinking abt a long fic to get immersed in w K bc i have seen ltrly none😔 THANK U SMSMSMSMSMMS ASDKJFH.

Here i am!! So i finally got back to my writing and this one got those creative writing juices flowing and it gave me so many ideas so enjoy!!

…………………………………………………………………………….

Coffee at Midnight.

K! X fem reader based off the song “ you are in love “ by Taylor Swift.

…………………………………………………………………………….

You and K had been friends for what feels like forever. You guys had gone to the same school and were close in age so you two naturally grew closer. Before you even realized, you two were best friends. But as time went by you couldn’t help but look at K differently, Over the years he had filled out and his features grew more defined. Anyone who knew K would notice this, unless they were blind.

But you hadn’t even registered your own feelings changing, not until you were head over heels for him. You two shared a love of the performing arts so when he debuted, he managed to get you an audition and then he stepped back and let you handle it. He knew you’d land the rest yourself, he always had a blind faith in you. He trusted you more than you trusted yourself. It was a little bit after that, that you realized you’re own feelings towards K.

It was one look, and a dark room, a light hearted joke.

It had been a few months since you had begun your training, and to say that you were exhausted was a major understatement. It was well past 10 at night your monthly evaluations were right around the corner and you couldn’t quite nail the choreography that you would be tested on. Your body was tired and you were drained but you couldn’t just give up. Your eyes were aching so you had dimmed the lighting just enough to relieve the dull ache.

You were so into your practice that you hadn’t heard your phone going off, you didn’t hear the messages that k was sending to check on you. And lets just say when he got no response, he went to check on you himself. Because how dare his best friend not answer him.

What you did hear was the door to the practice room opening. You had thought for a second that it would be an instructor coming to kick you out of the room, luckily it was not. It was just K.

“You weren’t answering me…i was worried about you.” K said, being the one to always speak his mind. But he could read you like a book. So why bother hiding your exhaustion. Without saying anything, you let out a sigh and not-so-gracefully sat down on the ground. You laid back and simply said. “I have been at it for hours and i cannot get it right no matter how hard i try. Im not that much of a dancer.”

And then he gave you that look, the look that would make you feel so loved and cared for that it unlocked all of those hidden feelings.

“Please don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing so well. Even if you do not realize it. You know….i think i saw some janitors, trainees… even a few pigeons watching you dance through the windows. An amazing performance.” He said jokingly, although he truly meant that you did an excellent job. He had just wanted to see you smile instead of looking like you would cry any second.

And after that, your feelings for him kept growing but you were certain he would never see you as anything more than a friend. Still you always had hope that he /could/.

That was until you had gone to the mall one day and were window shopping by yourself, you had invited K along but he had said that he was at a practice. You didn’t think anything of it, they had a comeback coming up anyway. You really didn’t give it a second thought. Well…until you did.

You had walked into your favorite store, the place where you got all of your clothes from. It was locally owned and they only had this one location. Everything about it made you smile, from the dresses to the shoes, to their jewelry. You were happily browsing but that soft peaceful smile that you had faded in an instant.

Right in front of you was K and a girl you had never seen before standing in front of a bracelet rack. They were clearly close, leaning closer to each other as they talked.

In that second, it felt like your whole world had came crashing down. Why had he lied to you about practice? Why was he here with /her/? And why was she standing so close to him? A thousand questions raced through your head as K looked up and made eye contact with you. There was panic in his eyes in that second, and without a word you turned around and left. If only you knew the real reason that he was so panicked….

Unknown to you, the reason he was there in the first place was because he had wanted to buy you a bracelet and confess his own feelings that had grown. He wanted it to be romantic and special. A sweet confession. He had asked his cousin to come along and help him pick out something that you would like. He only wanted to surprise you and not hurt you.

He thought situations like this only happened in the dramas that he watched on the television. But K had seen that devastated look in your eyes and he felt the pain that washed over you in that second. You might have fallen for him first but he fell harder that’s for sure.

it was midnight when you decided to go to the convenience store and get some coffee, your head was still swirling with emotions, and the weather outside represented how you were feeling, windy and stormy. Then you felt your phone go off and found that K had texted you, saying that he was on his way to your apartment. All you said in return was that you were getting coffee, to come a different time.

As you rang up your coffee and a little sweet treat, you pulled your hoodie up to cover your hair before going back out in the rain. You wee still hurting but you couldn’t see K until you felt calmer. You didn’t want to lose him entirely.

The bell sounded from the door and before you knew it you heard your name bing called. You’d recognize that voice anywhere.

“she is my cousin.” That was all k said as he walked up to you. And you were still in shock because how had he known that you were at this convenience store.

“This is the only place open that has coffee near your place..” He seemed to hear your silent question, then you noticed that his hair was soaking wet from walking in the rain.

“still. I thought you had practice.” The hurt in your voice had said enough as you walked around him heading back inside. It was all a fresh feeling for you and you still had so many questions left unanswered.

“stop and listen please.” K said following you outside into the pouring rain. That’s when he let the truth slipped past his lips as he let like he was losing his best friend. He grabbed your hand and you felt a smooth, cool metal press against your hand. “I didn’t know that you felt this way about me until i saw that look in your eye today. (Y/n) i was planning to do this in a better setting but ill just tell you now. She was helping me buy you a bracelet, I couldn’t tell you because it was going to be a surprise. But i really like you, actually no. You’re my best friend and you mean the entire world to me, i love you. Im sorry you had to find out this way.” The look in his eyes was a desperate one.

You felt shocked, you had never once considered any of the things that just fell past his lips, and as if he saw your shock he let go of your hand and left the bracelet there. He rocked back on his heels to give you time to process his words as the rain fell around you two.

“i… you like me? Really? But how did you…. Did you know I’ve felt the same?”

“not until today…i saw that look you had. Like you wee heart broken…I can’t risk losing our burnt toast sundays…” His comment made you crack a smile as all the pieces slowly fit into place.

and the rest…. Well that’s history.

[neverbeforeandneversince]

i know this isnt probably exactly what you need, but my anxiety has also been really bad the past few weeks. Its been really draining and exhausting and there are so many people in my real life who make it worse by stressing me out about trivial things and not realizing how my anxiety takes those things for a ride and back. One thing thats been helping me a little recently is remembering that the overwhelming feelings about something in particular pass. You won't be this anxious about the same thing forever. i hope that can be of some reassurance to you. I dont really know exactly how to give you advice or what to say that could be helpful, but i can definitely relate and i am here for you if you ever need someone to talk too or relate too or even just vent and be sad and anxious about things.

you aren't alone. i resonate with a lot of what you say. anxiety is so so hard and suffocating sometimes, and makes it hard to do fun things sometimes, but im so so proud of you 💓💓💓. You are amazing.

hi bestie 💛 you are so correct in saying that the feeling of anxiety won’t last forever. yes it’s uncomfortable, yes it’s draining, but it’s biologically impossible for it to last forever.

and thank you so much. my inbox is always open to you as well 🫶🏻

i’ve been listening to a podcast and have heard some really helpful things. really, it comes down to “not fearing the anxiety” and accepting that yeah, you may very well feel anxious and have a panic attack, but that’s okay. it can’t hurt you. and the more and more you push yourself to do things that make you anxious, the more you’re on the path to recovery. but always remember to be kind to yourself because this is not easy! the brain isn’t thinking rationally when you’re scared to go on a walk, for example. there no fear there, but the anxiety you experience you feel is so uncomfortable so be kind to yourself!

i’m proud of you too! may we work hard to become better versions of ourselves.

[incorrect-dying-light-quotes]

Just saw your post from earlier and I’m just really curious what’s your opinion on Rais x Crane (as a “funny ship goes brrr” or fr whichever you prefer), have a nice day!

i do actually like it and it's probably my biggest "ship" but i cant really explain to you why. they have a very complicated thing going on between them and i find it entertaining/interesting. in my au theres actually some Things that happen on cranes end that leaves him fucked up after rais dies - mainly their final fight goes differently, rais isn't pushed off of the tower but instead is left there to bleed out by crane, and after crane has told the gre operatives to go eat nails he ends up sitting down next to rais, the most exhausted and mentally drained hes ever been in his life. then rais puts on a bit of a kicked puppy act because he actually feels afraid (since hes dying and his rabies induced adrenaline is wearing off) and he asks crane if he can hold his hand. crane, stupid idiot sympathetic sentimental crane, obliges. then, because he does that he has to actually feel his last breath. which fucks crane up. because he just very personally murdered someone. a person he very much hated, yes, but he got so used to having someone to hate that now there's this odd void. several days later as hes coming out of his dissociative stupor he's back at the garrison to scavenge for whats left of their supplies, he ends up in rais's personal room. which, since it was locked well, was a jackpot in terms of medical supplies. but crane spent a little too long in there and ended up sifting through boxes of old documents and he finds out that rais had a son, evidenced by several drawings and other papers, and crane pieces together that rais's brother isn't the only person to be killed in the outbreak. this makes crane spiral again into thoughts about how rais really was just another person broken by the circumstances and his sentimental ass just feels so bad LOL

but anyway after theyve both died and are in the afterlife (they dont really have an appealing afterlife in this world youre just a ghost wandering around a world you cant interact with forever) crane is reunited with all his friends! and he spends a long time with them and all is good, but out of curiosity he ends up tracking down rais's supposed son. since at this point rais has had a couple or a dozen (idk the timeline yet im horrid with timelines) years to just sit there and think, he's chilled out and isn't really mad at anyone anymore. so he has no problem letting crane meet his son. but crane finds iut that since he died in a traumatic manner, (shot in the head to keep him from turning) he's in... a bad state. this makes crane frequently return to check on him which means he and rais have a lot of time to interact. originally crane isnt a fan of having to see rais in the first place but he very very slowly begins to tolerate him and eventually (by "eventually" i mean over the span of several decades or something like that) befriend him

but also i do find it hilarious as a concept

[whoreishghost]

i really am despairing and just hopeless in a way that i genuinely dont think ive been before and its rlly fucking with me. like, by all acounts, i am More supported than i have been before, and thats almost part of the problem? i feel ungrateful for feeling So Bad. i don't do Anything, i dont attend uni, i dont write my essays, i dont have a job, i dont clean my flat, i dont rlly cook a lot. of the things that Have to happen so we can continue to live in this flat, or i can continue to access medical services so my life doesnt get worse: those things are often put off way past the last minute and i need a lot of support to do at all. also, rn my life is mostly just calling A Service TM, getting a bullshit response, complaining, calling again, finally getting through to someone who knows whats going on, complaining, rinse repeat. ITS EXHAUSTING! not only that but sitting every day in bed or at my desk refreshing tumblr or staring at my screen saver thinking to myself 'what am i going to do?' and coming to the conclusion of nothing because i have nothing to do, i enjoy nothing, i want nothing, i cant concentrate long enough on anything or process information well enough to do things Anyway. ykw its not even true i dont Want to do anything. i do. i Want to write my essays, on some level i am genuinely interested in the topics. i just Cant. i want to read. i've been pretty keen on reading complaint by sarah ahmed for a while now or maybe rereading whipping girl or even giving notes on suicide another go? but i cant make myself start because i Know that i wont get far and its so fucking depressing. im getting so high, the come down is genuinely distressing because of how scrambled and disorganised my brain becomes and i become so afraid i will be like that forever. and yet i do it EVERY DAY! im struggling extremely badly with some interpersonal shit that has completely destroyed any self esteem or confidence i had in my appearance and my worth. add onto that that i am a massive Massive financial drain and even if i wasnt our finances are just.. Bad? so i was like, ok, fssw time again, that wont be too bad, i can do that. and then i fucking set up by whore phone and downloaded the grindr apk (and it was fucking horrible and evil to do and i hate that evil horrible useless phone) (also did u know u need to send in id for age verification on google now? 101 internet safety says to not do that are u crazy?) and started getting dms and i wanted to cry i got so overwhelmed. like idk if i can do it, but like.. i kinda gotta? idk man. im trying to see things positively? like, i got the form for the work capability assessment and spent all of yesterday photocopying medical letters which detail diagnoses and assessments and reference hospitilisations, etc but also the dwp are evil so who knows if its enough? im trying to get my pip reevaluated but they havent even sent me the Form for that yet? so again! who! knows! i feel like im in beurocracy hell and i cant leave? my uni are trying to work with me, but multuple medical professionals have told me to interrupt or drop out and like if people who are meant to be like have something in your life to keep you going dont think i can do it, what chance do i have of Actually doing it? i dont know what to do anymore.

[77pupu33pipo]

so sorry feel free to skip, big rant ahead.. but good ending :)

i really hope i can get free university tuition for the next year.. there are two vacant positions atm and i think i have a great chance of getting one.. i enrolled last year with 50% discount based on exam results but this discount is only kept if you stay high enough in student ratings and it kept me awake at night throughout the year and feeling guilty, and the workload was completely draining, and i was physically unwell and um. 0 friends and so i had a complete mental breakdown at the end of the year + a failed class and no year-end thesis which meant i needed an individual plan for the next year which meant no discount AND additional pay for extra courses. Decided to drop out, but instead re-enrolled in the same program for the second time to preserve 50% exam discount which is still appliable. Asked for credit recovery for all of the courses i actually completed last year and bless the faculty office because they agreed and spent this year taking my sweet time recovering and attending uni 3 times a week for language classes and thesis. And funny thing is i did pretty well last year. But complete burn out and absolutely shattered mental health, i really couldnt do it anymore. and i don't think ive recovered from it completely, i now resent the thought of any kind of confrontation or trying hard at something or taking an additional interest in something because that just means more work and thought. none of it pays off. i now give up when met with the smallest inconvenience and pushing through with anything is too much. i played The Sims Fucking 3 University one time and got so anxious and mad because the memory was painful. And i dont even remember the stuff that happened during last year that well at all, its all a complete haze, like it never even happened, but somehow still had its consequences. but like pretty much everyone was going through the same stuff in the same circumstances, but i didnt see anyone else struggling that much so i ended up thinking i am a wimp just wasting our and others' time and money and didnt complain or express my worries to anyone. i didnt exactly have anyone to express them to but well....

on the bright side i think I have succeeded in developing a "fuck-all" mentality in the last year and i hope to utilize it next time i am met with the same workload. Plus my groupmates this year round are amazing. i struggle to form close friendships or acquaintences, but they are all very nice and sweet and supportive of one another, its really nothing ive ever seen of classmates or colleagues. And i also think i have made good progress in learning Finnish and have regained just a bit of my passion for linguistics, i wouldnt want to resent the field forever because if it comes to academics i dont think im suited for anything else. my mother has been nagging me about taking what is essentially a gap year, and saying i was making stuff up when i told her about my decision and that ive been really struggling for the past year, even though i was just wailing at the time. But its alright i guess, i don't take it to close to heart, although it does make me so mad sometimes.

im better off now, but im still so scared of plunging back into all that anxiety, restlessness, exhaustion, competition and feelings of stupidity and inferiority. I have mostly dealt with the last two, but i dont think i will be able to take the stress if it is the same as last year. If i stay on paid tuition, then i have to continue securing my discount. And that means extra work in every subject, because you can't get max and pre-max grade by just completing the course perfectly, you're required to do extra work for the last two marks. I realize and understand that this is a common system, but jesus fucking christ i want to be able to choose not to do so and still continue studying like normal, not be handicapped in learning stuff i actually have to learn in other subjects because of useless shit i need to waste my time on for that sweet sweet 9 or 10. and you're competing both with people like you on paid tuition AND with people on free tuition who have some issues i think as the difference between mark 8 and mark 10 is only seen in the student rating and not recorded in the diploma, and the student rating does not mean jack shit if you're on free tuition, literally no one cares for it outside of calculating discounts and transfering from paid to free tuition. I don't want to think badly of those on free tuition who choose to compete in the system, but i believe i have become too senstitive about this topic. I want to bonk them with a cardboard tube to make them change their minds and see the appeal of being free to fuck all when it comes to grades and just do what they actually enjoy in the academics field or on the side, but that doesnt happen.

and so i have a pretty good chance of getting on free tuition with my current grades. I worked my ass off last year with most of the courses, and i got a "great" on both language classes and thesis this year. As far as i know, im first in rating among those on paid tuition. im sending mind control waves to faculty so that they give me that free tuition. i promise i will get worse grades on purpose so that people who are still stuck in clinging to discount hell have a bit of an easier time. i'll read papers for fun and find joy in learning new things again. i will do minimum wage monotone work needed for dictionaries or corpora like all the cool kids. Fuck it, i will do some afterclass activities now that ill be able to afford to spend my free time on random shit. ill attend historical dance meetings regularly, its really fun. ill make some friends even. just PLEASE give me the free tuition. if i don't, i will sigh deeply and continue trying to grind, but ill be upset.

maybe i need to stop whining and just go on with it like everybody did, but pleaseeeeeee. I think i worked hard. I completed every assignment without taking a look at how much it weighed in the grade formula. I helped fellow students when they struggled with something. I had almost perfect attendance. THIS stupid thing will change my life, stupid thing being free tuition. i cant afford to not get a mind boggling cool education, my family will execute me. Please just let me get my stupid little linguistics degree (i mean it includes programming and maths so.) and go on with my life... ...

[sheheydii]

a lil life update

it's almost 4 months since I've puff freedom and solitude. I've never predicted this but I am so glad that I already conquer the darkness which keeps on pulling me to stay with them. I've finally moved forward to reach the brightness I thought was gone, I lose countless hopes and wishes to become better than before. I've never thought that I can still bring the best of me since first 7 months of the year made me feel so neglected and suicidal. I was caged in the darkest point of life where I see no any will to live but just can't cut life off for not knowing what afterlife is.

Skins were full of scars. Bedsheet was full of blood. Pillows absorbed tears. Lungs occupied by smoke. Mind full of thoughts. Book full of unspoken words.

I've forgot how to deal with myself properly. I haven't noticed that Im leading myself to death that time. I feel so burden, pity, and insane. I forgot who am I and who I should be. Things we're so different before, that I didn't expect that I'll be in that worst situation which made me more anxious and insecure. It made me nervous towards people and it made me hate people.

After I have conquer those by taking a lot of time to realize things, I became less social and more independent. I've loved being solitude by isolating myself and spend my own time with my fav hobbies that made me feel at peace. ( glad I made arts again) I evade things I shouldn't do. I became more productive and learned to not waste my precious time. I've also learned to value every tick of the clock like it is the last time. I spend my time to the most valuable things and people, especially to myself. I see no selfishness in spending my own time with me. I see no selfishness choosing myself over anything or anyone. It is the first time to prioritize and think about myself more than people since the past made me forgot that I live for myself not for the people who keeps on draining me mentally. I am forever proud of moving out to that darkness where I used to be caged and never thought of sniffing freedom; a freedom to see what's good in life, and a freedom to appreciate and know myself more.

Today, these days, I still feel exhausted sometimes. Relapsing is not a surprise. What important is I feel and became better than the past. Some advices might be saying to forget the past but my ego reminds me that the past made me strong and brave for who am I today.

[nelonmilkers]

goodbye old friend.

obviously i miss my friend. they were my friend. they just kept hurting, and disrespecting me in so many ways. at points it was racial insensitivity. and maybe they didn't realize they were draining me and others all the time. on some levels i think he did and would try to use gifts as a way to make up for it. that was one of the things that bothered me most. i reminded me of my family and how they would emotionally abuse me and then buy me a gift to make up for it. when i would explain to him that something he did was disrespectful or hurtful he would just cry and not change his ways. he was abusing my partners kindness. regardless of intention it was hurtful. im typing this trying hard to not sound angry or put him in too bad of a light but that proves difficult after he ranted on twitter, blaming my hometown for how things ended with us and an old friend who hurt us both. it's simply not fair. i opened many doors and he acts as if he was forced to leave. he could have stayed. he could have gotten help, help that i tried very hard to help him get. no one kicked him out and if he had just stopped putting material things at the top of his priorities he would have been fine. at the end of it all it felt like i was talking to a brick wall and i just stopped reaching out. sure i could have had yet another serious talk with him and maybe he would have understood and it could have been resolved but history made that hard to see for me. he also did not reach out tho. i suppose some friendships just aren't meant to be forever. yes i had faults too. i could have stopped accepting gifts from him i could have spoken up about his microaggressions sooner. but it gets exhausting being the angry black person that points out small things that probably mean nothing to white people. i really felt like we were almost twin flames as friends, but i suppose we burnt each other out, which often happens. i shared a lot of secretes with him that i hope he wont share, because i would never share his. i have no interest in trying to get this friendship back because it was just constant stress for me, we were clearly on two different points in healing that shouldn't have been around each other. Maybe we'll meet again by chance when we're older and maybe we can talk and reconcile. i feel angry and sad. i lost my best friend. and this whole experience makes me feel like i just cant trust non-poc to be close with. not that i wont try, but it will definitely be hard. if for some reason you look at my account and see this, i do miss you, and i suppose i forgive you. goodbye.