#but if you’re going to adapt to the books you need to stay true to the characters and their natural arcs

[mrs-jamesbbarnes]

In regards to the ending of Shadow and Bone season 2. Did I like it? Absolutely not. Do I see what they’re trying do? Yeah. They combined two books into one season and added five extra characters to the story. Things just moved so fast, and the story could’ve been told a LOT better.

For instance, we did not get Alina’s struggle. I think the beauty of her story in the books came from her needing to defeat the Darkling without becoming the monster he was and wanted her to be. It was an intense and dark path she took. Ultimately, the third amplifier’s power is shared with everyone to destroy the Fold. But the fact that she had to get to that point where she was okay with dying and/or being completely overwhelmed by the power if it meant saving everyone was the whole point of her struggle. Her reward was Mal, settling down with him to live a peaceful life. And she was ready to be done, to give it all up and just rest with him.

The fact that they skipped ALL of that makes the story so unnecessarily complicated. Because now she’s not ready to rest, she wants to help the Grisha. And she’s got power. But she delved into merzost to save Mal, so now she’s given into this path of darkness. That’s something book!Alina NEVER would have done. Leigh spent three books showing that. So now she’s got that darkness in her. And we know Elizaveta is going to try to resurrect the Darkling because that bee landed on Zoya as the Darkling’s body burned. So season 3 is going to go off the rails.

Also the fact that Mal made this BIG DEAL to the Darkling about how he wasn’t going to make the mistake of leaving Alina again and then the Fold is gone and the Darkling is dead and now he’s just leaving Alina? That’s just poor writing.

I’m hoping Alina and Mal still get their happy ending. Because TV!Mal deserves it, if nothing else.

Also it really bothers me that they just pushed Zoya aside for Alina. They could’ve sent Alina and Mal off into the sunset and let the story take its course. But now Zoya is a side character because Alina is the focus. And that really bothers me that they’re going to start the King of Scars storyline and not give Zoya the attention she deserves. Because Alina needs to be gone for her to embrace her destiny. Otherwise it looks like she’s just Nikolai’s (and Ravka’s) second choice. They messed with Leigh’s beautifully crafted hero’s journey for Alina, and Zoya is going to get screwed over because they did that and I HATE THAT for Zoya.

[lincolndjarin]

Best Kept Secret ☆

A MANDALORIAN SERIES MASTERLIST

[ COMPLETED ]

✩ a bodyguard!din x princess!reader fic ✩

series summary :

Married off to a prince on a planet that you hate? New husband doesn't know you, and doesn't want to know you? New husband gifts you a personal Mandalorian body guard as a wedding present? Mandalorian is a wiseass who won't leave you alone? Lucky you.

18+ mdni

do you like kitschy, campy romance novels? if you're reading this, I hope so.

behind the scenes & chapter notes + other extras (spoilers) :

chapters 1-5

chapter 6-15

spotify playlists

Lysa & Elaine information

the bks screen adaption

bks q&a

bks what if's

reader is generally not described past being picked up a few times, and having hair long enough to be put up

✩ chapters containing smut!

chapter one : honeymoon (6.7k words)

[ Absurd.

That is the only word that comes to mind as you stare at yourself in the mirror. “His favorite color is blue.” ]

chapter two : silent treatment (7.4k words)

[ Something is wrong. You bolt up from the pile of blankets that you call a bed and your eyes dart around the closet as you furrow your brow trying to discern why you feel so much different. ]

✩ chapter three : the smitten paladin (4.6k words)

[ You’re starting to think the planet isn’t the reason you’re so hot all the time.

You had woken up this morning feeling a bit better than you thought you’d be, your stomach is full of butterflies but you're still standing and considering the night you had you’re gonna take that as a win. ]

chapter four : sarad'ika (6.8k words)

[ Sarad'ika. 

You won’t forget it this time, you can’t. So you write it in your book, just under Mando’s favorite color you write the two little words that have been keeping you up at night. ]

✩ chapter five : lunar interlude : just a man (5.0k words)

[ Absurd.

It’s absurd how much the job pays. Din’s not even sure he should take it at this point because it’s too good to be true. ]

✩ chapter six : torment (5.1k words)

[ Okay, maybe you didn’t think this through. 

You didn’t think he’d actually come in and now suddenly the door is shut and you’re alone with him. ]

✩ chapter seven : just friends (3.1k words)

[ Maker it feels like it’s been an hour and you’re both just laying here. He was just inside of you; it shouldn't be so hard to find something to talk about at this point. ]

chapter eight : solar markets (5.3k words)

[ It’s nice to wake up excited again. 

You wish you could say that it happened more often but hopefully it will from now on. It’s going to be your first time leaving the castle grounds since you got here. ]

✩ chapter nine : shuk'la rules (5.6k words)

[ You need sex.

Normally you would be satisfied for quite some time after getting off but for some reason with Mando it was different. But it’s only been two days and you need more. ]

✩ chapter ten : lunar interlude : briikase gote'tuur (4.1k words)

[ He’s grateful for the break from you, even if brief. 

That’s not to say that he doesn’t enjoy every moment he gets to be in your presence but the more time he spends with you the harder it gets to remember that this isn’t real. ]

chapter eleven : he loves me not (4.6k words)

[ Something is wrong. 

All day it’s been wrong. 

He’s different. Distant. ]

chapter twelve : pretend (4.4k words )

[ Two days.

That’s what you’re willing to give yourself. Two days to get over it. One to get it all out of your system and one to pull yourself together. ]

chapter thirteen : lunar interlude : vercopa (3.5k words)

[ He did it.

He did exactly what he knew he needed to do.

So why does he feel worse than ever? ]

chapter fourteen : condemned (4.9k words)

[ You’re having trouble sleeping. 

You have no problem falling asleep, it’s mostly staying asleep. There’s a million different things that consume your thoughts and everytime you drift into unconsciousness you find yourself jolting awake, barely able to stay asleep for more than an hour at a time. ]

chapter fifteen : two tea parties (5.4k words)

[ “What did you do to her?”

Her voice breaks through his sleepy haze as he sits up properly. 

“Excuse me?” ]

chapter sixteen : absolution (4.6k words)

[ There’s a visceral sense of dread when you wake up, for several reasons. 

The glaring obvious culprit of your discomfort would be the fact that today’s your husband's birthday. ]

chapter seventeen : the apostate’s cabin (3.5k words)

[ Just Din. 

It’s sinking in as you walk in silence, holding his hand tightly as he pulls you towards his home. ]

chapter eighteen : portrait of a man (5.4k words)

[ It’s deliciously warm when you wake. You can feel his heartbeat and you can feel the soft traces of sunlight dancing along your back. You stretch in his arms slightly but freeze up as you feel him nuzzle his chin into your hair, planting a kiss against your hairline. ]

✩ chapter nineteen : reverence (7.3k words)

[ You really want to. 

You couldn’t possibly want to more than you currently do. 

It’s actually a bit mean. That he’s left you here in this state. ]

✩ chapter twenty : like real people do (8.4k words)

[ Mando and Din. 

All you can think about right now is how there must be two of them. 

You’re playing with his curls. ]

✩ chapter twenty one : te mirci't (9.0k words)

[ “It means I love you.” 

You aren’t entirely sure how long you stare at him, looking rather silly with your jaw practically on the floor. ]

✩ chapter twenty two : it’s you that i lie with (11.3k words)

[ Naboo has several trading ports. 

You could get him on a cargo ship. That would be the most inconspicuous form of transport. It would help if he was willing to ditch his armor. ]

✩ chapter twenty three : lunar markets (15.0k words)

[ Sneaking out of the castle gets easier every time you do it. 

It only takes a few minutes and you’re walking outside towards the forest trail, Din’s hand in yours, still giddy. ]

✩ chapter twenty four : lunar interlude : riduur (7.8k words)

[ He doesn’t deserve this.

How could he possibly be deserving of you? Yet somehow you make him feel as if he is. With your soft touch and the way your eyes get just a little bigger when you see him. ]

✩ chapter twenty five : wedding bells (11.7k words)

[ Four days of Leo. 

You were upset that Din was leaving you but you got over it rather quickly with the promise of his hasty return. ]

chapter twenty six : crucifixion (12.7k words)

[ “My room is too big.” 

He bursts into genuine peals of laughter and you gently smack his arm.

“Don’t laugh, it’s a serious issue! My room is enormous.” ]

chapter twenty seven : the apostate (6.0k words)

[ Silence.

That’s all there is in his brain. 

It’s hard enough as is for him to hear. It doesn’t help when he’s been beaten half to death. ]

✩ chapter twenty eight : a place for us (8.4k words)

[ You’d spent the better half of the day trying to get on top of him. 

Every time you managed to get close he’d simply set you down on the nearest surface with a kiss on the cheek and go back to doing whatever he was working on. ]

chapter twenty nine : the best kept secret (epilogue) (6.1k words)

[ The morning sun is warm against your face, you bask in it, unmoving and only half awake until you feel a tiny hand slapping your cheek. The illusion of tranquility is immediately shattered as you softly laugh. ]

[poisonpercy]

I finally convinced myself to watch the 4th episode of the pjo show. Overall, it was probably the show’s strongest episode so far. That being said, I think it’s fair to say that I am not clicking with this show. I’m not saying the show isn’t good. It definitely has its moments, so it’s a fine show. But as a book to tv show adaptation of pjo, I don’t think it’s very good. I guess my expectations were way too high since I was promised that this is a true adaptation that has everything you would want in a pjo show, but seeing as I don’t feel that way, I can’t say that promise has been fulfilled.

The actors are great, but I find the writing and the overall direction of the show very dull. It’s just not something that keeps my attention personally. I have to convince myself to watch these episodes since they aren’t hitting that obsession that keeps you interested, and while watching, it’s very hard for me to stay watching because it’s just not pulling me in. Anyways, here’s some specific thoughts regarding this episode:

Like a lot of my mutuals, I am not too big of a fan of the flashback with Percy and Sally in the pool. Sally does not feel like the same character that she is in the books. She’s a lot kinder and more mindful of her actions in the books than she is in the show. I get what the flashback was trying to convey, but I honestly don’t think it worked. I remember that Sally had been described as someone who doesn’t raise her voice, and I feel like the writers have disregarded a lot of her prior characterization in the name of her being a #girlboss. To me it feels like they created a brand new character and slapped Sally Jackson’s name on them. “That’s not Sally Jackson! That’s an oc committing identity fraud” vibes

They are really shoving it down our throats that Percy does not like the gods. Which isn’t bad, but I feel like he still needs more time to grow into the resentment that he’s showing

Kinda weird that Annabeth was talking nice about her dad. And I’m more sympathetic towards her dad than most, but he still wasn’t great so giving him praise felt a little off. Not a huge fan of blaming only the stepmother. The misogyny is real

Sleepy, grouchy Grover was cute

The cameo of the centaurs leading into the conversation about Pan and searchers was nice. I wish the show talked about this being Grover’s last chance at getting his searchers license since that was a big part of his character arc in tlt, but idk if that’s ever going to happen

The cops on the train were awful. If this show got one thing right, it’s the fact that cops suck and don’t help

I felt like there was too much of Echidna in this episode. Idk, if you’re going to try to build up a monster, she’s not the one I would have picked

Going off of that, they definitely tried to build tension in this episode, unlike in previous episodes, but it just didn’t work. Like it was too obvious that she was supposed to be a monster without actually giving any tension for the viewers. It’s still very much telling and not showing which is a huge flaw of this show

I’m honestly not a fan of the arch being a temple of Athena. I guess it’s cool for world building, but it just feels too convenient. I did like that Annabeth was stating facts, but to me it felt less like her geeking out and more like her showing off the temple’s greatness

Grover and Annabeth splashing Percy in the fountain was funny but it would have been the perfect opportunity to introduce nectar and ambrosia since they have yet to be brought up

Bad parent Athena rep 🫡

Having Percy trick Annabeth to switch places with her was a nice nod to Percy’s loyalty

I felt like the whole scene at the arch was missing the chaos that was present in the book. Idk it just felt so dry to me

The fight between Percy and the chimera was so underwhelming. There was a lot more tension and chaos and moving parts in the book that the show just is refusing to show. Also, I’m getting tired of Percy being flung around. Let him build up some skill before Ares

The water grabbing Percy when he fell out of the arch was funny but I personally wouldn’t have done the scene that way

The underwater scene was lacking imo. I feel like a broken record by saying I liked it better in the books, but it’s true

Episode was way too short and the show’s pacing is way too fast

[throwaway-yandere]

Alone Together (Yandere Modern Ex-Idol!Cyno/Reader)

Mother of Klee, Alice's note: Oof... I am... So sorry about this, solitary anon... You understand that there are no hard feelings, right?... Right. I'm glad to hear that. Keep your chin up, okay kid?

Yandere 1k idol genshin event

--------

You didn’t get the job.

The weight of the world rests on your shoulders.

You need to cry. But not now; you already entered the first store you found inside the mall. You are unable to concentrate on anything because you are SURE that if you do, you will wind up kneeling on the floor. You could have gone home and fall asleep—you WANTED to do that—but the enveloping silence would have accentuated the noticeable loneliness that greets you each time you enter your apartment. It's preferable to stroll through a moderately busy area, although standing in a comic book shop didn't accomplish much.

You picked up a random book.

They said you weren’t accepted because your hearing wasn't great, that you have the talent but it’s up to the CEO's criteria– these are only a few of the things that you want to scream out of your system. What put the final nail in the coffin was hearing people talk about their recruits. One of them was a scholar or sage who landed a job as Childe from ADDICKTZ’s producer. How can you even compete with that? You couldn't let your pet fish hear your pathetic sulking– it is not as if your friend could reach out and comfort you anyways. Hah… "friend." 

It's not like you have communication problems; you can even steer talks like a well-oiled machine if you want to. It's just that being disqualified out of the 22 participants hurts since you detested feeling left out. 

Once upon a time, these emotions pass without much difficulty, but adulthood has a very unique way of bringing your lack of companionship to the forefront of your mind. Aside from your pet fish, you were positive you had many friends. "Had" is the common verb you use to associate with that word. You've had people come and go every year or month since you were a young child so there is a pattern that you have come to recognize. For a few months, you would hyperfixate on a relationship with someone who shares your interests before they start to drift away with lame justifications like being busy or, worse, moving out. You never cry whenever this occurs since you have no reason to.

They never stay in your life long enough for you to care, therefore you've never pleaded with them to stay. They always cross the other side of the fence while you remained a hackneyed outsider.

You admit it: you’re a people pleaser and you ended up adapting to different personalities so much that you no longer know what YOU enjoy deep down. What you want in a "true friend".

Is that it?... Is that your personality, your character?

Is that the barebones of your most authentic identity?

You felt your chest restrict itself.

God, if that's the case, why does it sound so empty? Why does it feel so hollow after you've done everything to earn EVERYONE'S love?

It’s frustrating how much influence others have on you.

You smiled even for those pettily undeserving of kindness, you croaked for those who confided their pain for your ears alone, you were nice to retail workers, you gave poor men food, ALWAYS the first to help. You were the ideal citizen society was looking for.

But how come when you ask for something, it’s never received?

Where is it?

Where is the karma?!

Forget all the notions of acting like a well-put together person, this wasn’t the time to dwell on that. You need something to hold. You need someone to hold you. 

You clenched the book even more. Shit. You might have to buy this ridiculous manga now since you forgot to trim your nails, but you can't think clearly. Why on earth do you have to pay $5 for this crap?! You don’t even like The Knight Tames The Villainess. You favor long, plot-driven series over inexpensive harlequin-inspired novels like this one. You don’t even like Otome Isekais like this. 

You don’t even…

“Ngh…” A nearly inaudible sob escaped your lips.

Such a minor inconvenience allowed you to cry soundlessly.

"What do you call a jackal that's new to comics?"

You turned around, biting your lip.

There was an albino man wearing a MangaMatra uniform in front of you. Unlike the other staff member, he wore an orange peculiar scarf and sunglasses indoors. The stranger watches you with an impervious resting face, but you're more intrigued by his appearance rather than his out-of-nowhere question. He has the look of a man who has experienced most landmarks of his life, tethered by both bitter and sweet memories. But you mostly assumed he was the manager based on the crow's feet that littered near his eyebags. 

"He's Anubis." The man said dryly.

Slowly, your face cleared. Your thoughts are barely cohesive as you attempted to form a conversation-stopping reply, anything that could get you out of whatever he’s trying to do, but you’re too baffled to know what to do next.

… He's what?

"Did you get it? Allow me to explain. Anubis is a jackal and the word sounds hilariously similar to the phrase a newbie.” He droned on, his face still stiff. “It’s a good joke, right?”

...

Was that a joke? That… That was a joke, right? There’s no way it isn’t. It was just a bad one. Through the haze of the emotional pain you’re currently forced to deal with, surely he can at least understand that this isn’t a normal approach to befriending someone.

You gave him a forced smile. Deep down, you felt grotesque to yourself. This was not you smiling. This was a stranger. 

“... Y-Yes. Yes, it is.”

“I’m glad you think so too. Want to hear another one?”

“I’m fine, thanks–”

“No, no you’re not.”

Just who is this guy?

You reeled back, closing your eyes exasperatedly. "I'm sorry but I don't need you to tell me how I feel–"

"You're shaking." He said. "Your shoulders are stiff but your lips are trembling. You're emotionally unstable and you need someone to talk to. I am usually the... silent type but I'll be willing to help you sort out your mental distress."

Unlike his futile jokes, this approach reacquainted you back to reality. You roused a little in each heartbeat, yet not completely grounded by his words. 

“Sorry, I haven’t even introduced myself.” 

He removed his sunglasses.

Your heart dropped.

“I’m Cyno, I’m the founder of MangaMatra and the manager of the branch we’re in right now.”

“Y-You’re Cyno! Cyno of Vulpus Aureus.”

Undoubtedly, their name is odd for an idol duo, and the meaning behind it was equally illogical. The musical preferences of this age were established by both Tighnari and Cyno's equal efforts, and they also revived 80s tunes without a hitch. Cyno was resplendently breathtaking when he owned the stage as the “Judicator” of the idol world. It’s no wonder most teenagers didn’t act normal whenever their name is uttered but the last pages of their Wikipedia page were more unhinged.

When "VA" announced their separation, there wasn't a single dry eye in the crowd. People were similarly shocked when Cyno revealed that he hasn't gotten a paycheck since they debuted because of the costs of his idol training. While some were impressed that he was able to leave a loan shark-like organization, others couldn't help but selfishly think Cyno should have just sucked it up. His former partner, Tighnari, did not receive the same treatment. As one of Teyvat Production's music composers, Tighnari continued to work in the idol business, keeping his name inscribed in pure gold.

The world moved on, and you’ve almost forgotten him too.

Cyno favored you with a warm smile that faded just as quickly as your excitement. He tittered as he made a sideway glance at your phone. In turn, you shook your head. Cyno understood that you wouldn't ask him for a picture based on that minuscule exchange alone.

“Umm… I was a fan.���

“Happy to hear it.” Cyno nodded. “But this conversation is not about me, it’s you.”

He took the book off your hand and placed it back on the shelf, his trained eyes not looking away from you.

"I understand what you're feeling. No matter how many compliments you get, there's a quiet but impactful intrusive thought that makes you ignore those for the things that remind you of the flaws you make up in your mind. It's not a pleasant experience and it's something all of us will have to live with."

Those words came from the heart. Cyno's gaze drifted away, staring at something intangible. "And it's a burden some of us might have to carry forever if left in solitude, but you don't have to belong in that category."

He smiled.

“So, why don’t you tell me every detail as to what fated you to enter my store? There will be no judgment this time, I am all ears.”

—------

It’s been months since your run-in with the idol. A surreal experience, it was, but what followed was remarkably natural. Book recommendations turned into live readings turned into playing tabletop games with brand new decks at his favorite coffee place. Sometimes you wondered if Cyno’s tired of you clumsily inviting him to every nerdy event you know about, but the way he lights up leads you to believe he finds your presence as fun as you do his.

The ex-idol turned manga shop owner became an important person to you beyond the old parasocial relationship of a celebrity and fan. There was not an awkward gap between you two.

You found a friend. 

At the beginning of your platonic relationship, you used to be a bit paranoid of Cyno’s quiet demeanor since you couldn’t read what was on his mind, Lately, you seem to understand his silence and he seems to understand you. 

And that was everything you could ever ask for. 

“What was that call just earlier?” You asked, but you didn’t dare snoop into what was on his screen.

He had a rather lengthy phone call earlier as you were picking another book to read on his shelf. Unluckily for you, you don’t hear all that well so you could barely make out any snippets of what he had said except for a single name.

Cyno half-shrugged. “Nothing serious.”

“You seemed annoyed at Tighnari.”

“I was just notified that I received something.” A threat.

“Oh? A gift?”

"Gifts?..." Cyno grimaced. "Sorry– I'd rather not think about that."

"Why–" You stopped yourself immediately. "Wait, never mind, I think I understand–"

"Last fanmails I received were of love letters written in blood and a clumsily taxidermied fox and jackal. That blood is presumably from the animals based on Dottore's DNA samplings." There’s a dark tone as he speaks Dottore’s name, and you know you’re not ready to unpack all that.

"R-Right." Your throat dried up. You're such an idiot. You can't believe you forgot about that. That incident was such a big eye-opener in the idol industry regarding stalker fans. 

The idol industry may be a trove of wonderful content but it is also home to the obsessed and unexplainably cruel.

"Hence, I'd rather not remind myself of fan gifts." Cyno closed his eyes. "It sours my mood."

“T-Then what did you receive?” You tilted your head. “Wait, sorry, I just realized I’m prying too much.”

“Just…” 

Cyno is an honest man. Too honest, in fact, that he almost couldn’t lie by omission.

Almost.

“Just some unfinished business from Teyvat Productions.”

“Is it my business or yours?”

His eyes widened.

For the first time in weeks, you have caught him off guard. 

“It’s…” He shook his head, sighing. “It’s mine.”

“Oh,” you muttered. “O-Of course it’d be yours. I don’t know why I even thought someone they didn’t even hire would get a notif for something.”

Cyno chuckled softly. 

He seemed to have thought that what you said was funny, but you can’t put a finger as to why.

"You remind me of something Tighnari loved to say."

You weakly met his gaze and laughed. "And that is?"

He gently put his hand above yours, his auburn eyes peeking into yours underneath his white eyelashes softly.

"Never underestimate an outsider." He said. "People like you– people like us are not as unfortunate as we may seem. Unlike the staff inside the industry, we are more likely to see the bigger picture, wouldn't you agree?"

"... I think I get your point, but I don't necessarily agree." 

Cyno exhaled, his shoulders deflating. 

It's okay if you do not see the truth in his words.

When Cyno decides on something, he's unlikely to change his mind. Little by little, he'll make you see that you're wonderful even when stripped away of some occupational title like him.

You'll see his perspective eventually.

And you'll thank him once the day comes.

—-------

“I don’t think you understand what I’m trying to say at all, you big lummox!”

“Yes, yes I do.”

“You’re really going to sabotage (Y/n)’s career?! I just told you– they could be my new assistant, damn it. And for what, exactly? Even Alice is vouching for their recruitment. They just made a mistake, that’s all! Here I thought you were SUUUCH a caring friend, so why–”

“It’s because I care that I’m not letting them get close to Teyvat Productions ever again. You know the horrors of the idol industry as much as I do, Tigh. Likely even more.”

“...”

“...”

“... Do you still dream about it? Dottore’s experiments, those letters?”

“I do.”

“... *sigh* How can I even counter your argument when you’re always so painfully earnest?”

“You know why.” Cyno became like this for a reason.

“... What now. What do you want me to do with this letter of recommendation?”

“Burn it.”

“...”

“Tighnari, they’re the happiest when they’re with me.”

“... Cyno, you’re a broken man.”

“I know.”

Cyno peeked out the corner of his eye as he watched you pick up a new book in the romance section.

A silly grin made its way onto Cyno’s face subconsciously. 

“But that no longer matters now that I found someone I can be alone together with.”

Ansytea: Thank you so much for joining the idol event, solitary anon!!! <3

[twinnedpeaks]

hey salem 🖤🖤 i was wondering, and sorry if you've answered this before, but what are your must-read books? like ones you just have to recommend because they're so good? i really need to get back into reading...

this is SUCH. a good question and i WILL go into heavy detail!!!!

my obvious recs are the secret history and the goldfinch by donna tartt and the picture of dorian gray by oscar wilde - timeless perfections. now for more:

the idiot by fyodor dostoyevsky - a TRUE classic, that people somehow forget about very often. will change your world view.

maurice by e. m. forster - another classic. made me believe in love. one of the first openly gay books written in 1929, and to this day, one of the few with a happy ending.

the master and margarita by mikhail bulgakov - ok last classic but SUCH a fun, wild ride. come for the fun, stay for the genuine masterpiece.

the millennium trilogy by stieg larsson (the girl with the dragon tattoo) - some of the best books i’ve ever read, and my first time seeing another autistic character. y’all know i got all love for these books, and the swedish adaptation is brilliant too.

invisible monsters by chuck palahniuk - ok way to stick to my brand but it might be my favourite book ever. such a humane story, but also genuinely tragic. funny and relatably dark.

the vegetarian by han kang - feminism! pondering! morality! ethics! an amazing exploration of mental illness, food, and family.

nightbitch by rachel yoder - i won’t recommend this to everyone i meet but if i rec it to you, i like you and think you’re weird!! a tale of a first time mother turning into a dog. incredibly moving.

beartown and a man called ove by fredrik backman - he continuously breaks my heart and i love it. the atmosphere and descriptions in his books are so unique and chilly. some of the most well written characters i’ve ever met.

paul takes the form of a mortal girl by andrea lawlor - if you’ve ever experimented with or just been interested in gender identity as a whole, you MUST read this book about paul, who can change and bend gender at will.

almond by won pyong sohn - deeply sad, yet hopeful novel about a boy who doesn’t feel emotions or empathy like most people. a whole new perspective on relationships.

now for some honorable mentions i often suggest: a certain hunger by chelsea g summers, the argonauts by maggie nelson, boy parts by eliza clarke, hell followed with us by andrew joseph white, out by natsuo kirino, milk fed by melissa broder, these violent delights by micah nemerever, on earth we’re briefly gorgeous by ocean vuong.

[lovelydivs]

I have never EVER cried over a show before yet here I am sobbing like a baby because I can’t imagine not being able to see our beloved cast together again.

The writing. The acting. The costumes. The set design. The way they adapted it to film while staying true to the characters was breathtaking. I truly loved what they took from the books and made it into the beautiful tv show I love so dearly.

Crying because our baby six of crows haven’t all been together yet. Mourning the loss of the ice court heist. Longing for Kaz and Inej’s back and forth push and pull romance. Pleading for Nina and Mathias to have one moment of peace. Wondering what was meant to happen with the darkling after the bee made an appearance. Missing our sweet Genya and praying that somehow David made it out alive and we’d get the beautiful wedding they deserve. Craving to see Alina rule Ravka. How inej and the twins will rule the sea. How Kaz and Jesper will live without her. Sweet baby Wylan. ALINA AND HER SHADOWS. NIKOLAI AND ZOYA I NEED THE BACK AND FORTH.

Safe to say I can and most likely will go on with my rant within the next few days, weeks, months, probably years honestly. I know I’m likely speaking into the abyss but if you’re reading this and felt such a deep attachment to this show like I did I just want to let you know you are not alone and that I hate Netflix too and I know in some strange universe our babies out there are killing it.

Anyone else feeling the need to get NMNF tattooed out of love, anger, and pure irony that I am in fact MOURNING.

[onecantsimply]

Another New Idea Headcanon-

Trying out new shit feels good in fanfic- 

This time, I’ll be going for a reader that’s Jack’s Valkyrie Partner. But they had a rather interesting hobby of playing instruments on their time off of their... ‘job.’ Specifically playing the guitar or something. 

As usual, GN reader-

Warnings: Maybe ooc Jack, and Spoilers of Record of Ragnarok, so if you don’t like that... unfortunate. 

-

Apparently, Hlokk complained too much- Now Jack has been assigned to another Volundr Partner by Brunhilde herself- One thing your favorite serial killer never expected was for you to have quite an interesting hobby of listening or blastic music in your abode. He never did think you were the type of person to play a whole ass rock guitar. Of course he would never judge you by your first looks, so when Brunhilde introduces the two of you to each other, he’ll always stay patient. 

- Just slightly surprising to him, you were rather polite with your way of speaking. Yet, while that was the case, your expression read as something different. Previously, before Jack and Brunhilde had reached your room, she had described you to be a sort of killer, like he was. And... your mother forgot to use a condom, so you were now an experiment for her- That had her job of getting rid of certain people rather easier. But while you were rather strong, you did have your limits. So you tend to be in your own abode, doing your own thing. 

- While off the job, you always to tend to listen to music, or play pieces you recognize. Specially the guitar. Though while you do things to relax, you stay ready for any incoming job. So, the weapons tend to make Jack just faintly tense. Your color is rather bland or dull as well, so he has no indication of if you bother to attack or not. But whatever the result, you are needed. So Jack has to keep you alive one way or another. And oh hey, look at how similar you two are. Kind of, anyways. 

Now, well at least you aren’t as buggy as a certain 8th Valkyrie. 

While it’s not an instant click between you and Jack, you two may tend to bond from that feeling of trouble or trauma you had both went through. Whether as children or not. And... he found out you haven’t had tea before. That’s going to change. He’ll definitely be pleased to know you’ll enjoy it quite a lot if you’re “so much like him”. Well, even better that you don’t poke fun at him for his emotion seeing eye. You have unique traits of your own, so why make fun of others for theirs? 

- Also, Jack tends to figure out that you naturally have trouble with emotions. No one did tend to approach you, after all. Most likely because you had adapted to your job of assassinating others so quickly. To others, it’s automatic that you would be left in the dark to find out things for your own. Even by your own Valkyrie sisters. Hell, you were never included in the number of Valkyries, only going down as someone that had died at birth. You didn’t even know that Ragnarok was going on. 

- Well, from how it seems like you have no emotions, you don’t have that much activities other than training, or playing that guitar of yours. Jack can definitely tell that you’ve been playing it for a good while if you could pretty much play things by ear. He’s a small fond of the fact that you have a color of fascinated emotion while playing new pieces. Perhaps something you could distract yourself with longer? But still... you can’t play music forever. So, Jack may be fixing up your schedule a bit- 

You now have some Shakespeare books you can read. Some in which you recognize, and some you may grow faintly confused at. Jack would love to tell you of what the quotes mean, and how some of them may tend to have hidden meanings behind them. Only if you look close enough or long enough, will you find the true meaning behind those words. Sometimes training is welcome to get Jack into his prime, or a better shape than how he was before. Of course it works. He’ll make both you and him some tea after as well. Good news. You like tea- 

- Now, if we tend to skip the days of “bonding” with Jack and go all the way to Ragnarok, your advice during the fight would help quite a bit- You’ve been alive for a long while, so Jack tends to abide to your words when it comes to avoiding Heracles’ attacks in a efficient way. Well... at least he knows you care for him somewhat now- Maybe to keep yourself alive? Well, looks like there’s more to you than Jack had saw while sparring with you. Though, anyhow, by the time Jack gets his leg and chest wound, something about him seems... different. 

- You can already feel his emotions change. He’s getting his Humanity restored through Heracles’ words and actions. Especially that tight hug when Jack had used “Dear God”. The air around him was different. From what you were able to watch as a spirit from behind him... it was definitely a positive change. Perhaps... he didn’t want to kill anymore? 

Well... he did it. He killed Heracles. The emotion he was in tended to have you in a sort of concern, since you hadn’t seen Jack like this before. His emotion from what you’ve heard of... was sadness. But really, despite of you knowing what emotion he was in, you couldn’t do anything but listen. It did happen to be unexpected once you had helped him into the tunnel, and into the medbay. But during that time, you had given him a brief hug, speaking of how you heard it was what others do when they know others are saddened by something. 

- Goodness... that hug seemed to be a sort of realization for Jack. But yet, by the time he had realized it, he was already asleep, being taken care of by nurses. Hm... maybe he did change you as well, judging from how you had visited him a few times during the week, Instead of playing your guitar, you had watched over him, wondering when he would wake up. 

- Though... despite him being asleep, he could still hear you at times. Once, you had spoken of why you had spoken and warned him of each incoming hit of Heracles, he had learned that it was because you didn’t want him to die. ... You never did have any concern for yourself, did you? 

[devender67]

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[savings-finder]

The Ultimate Travel Packing Checklist You Can’t Afford to Miss!

Don’t Let Your Suitcase Win: Master the Art of Packing

Are you tired of forgetting essential items every time you travel? Say goodbye to packing stress with our ultimate travel packing checklist! 🚀

Why You Need a Packing Checklist

Avoid Last-Minute Panic

The worst part of any trip is the night before, when you're frantically tossing clothes into a suitcase and praying you haven't forgotten anything crucial. By using a checklist, you can avoid this chaos and ensure you’re well-prepared for your adventure.

Save Money

How many times have you had to buy a toothbrush, phone charger, or swimsuit because you forgot to pack them? A comprehensive checklist helps you remember everything you need, saving you from unnecessary expenses.

Stay Organized

There’s nothing worse than arriving at your destination only to realize you can't find what you need in your suitcase. A checklist helps you pack methodically and keep track of where everything is.

The Essential Travel Packing Checklist

Clothing

Everyday Wear

T-Shirts and Tops: Pack enough for each day plus one extra.

Pants and Shorts: A couple of versatile pairs that match multiple tops.

Underwear and Socks: One for each day of your trip, plus a few spares.

Jacket or Sweater: Even if you're headed somewhere warm, nights can get chilly.

Sleepwear: Comfortable PJs or whatever you prefer to sleep in.

Special Occasion Outfits

Dressy Outfit: For nice dinners or events. A little black dress or a button-up shirt works wonders.

Swimwear: If you're going somewhere with a beach or pool.

Shoes

Comfortable Walking Shoes: Your feet will thank you.

Dress Shoes: For those special occasions.

Sandals or Flip-Flops: Perfect for the beach or casual outings.

Toiletries

Basic Hygiene

Toothbrush and Toothpaste: Avoid the airport prices by packing your own.

Deodorant: Keep fresh all day.

Shampoo and Conditioner: Travel-sized to save space.

Body Wash or Soap: A small bottle should do the trick.

Razor and Shaving Cream: Don't forget the grooming essentials.

Skincare

Moisturizer: Keep your skin hydrated.

Sunscreen: Protect yourself from harmful UV rays.

Lip Balm: Chapped lips can ruin your trip.

Health and Medicine

Prescription Medications: Pack enough for the entire trip.

Pain Relievers: For unexpected headaches or pains.

Vitamins: Keep up with your daily health routine.

First Aid Kit: Band-aids, antiseptic wipes, and other basic supplies.

Gadgets and Electronics

Must-Haves

Phone and Charger: An absolute necessity.

Laptop or Tablet: For work or entertainment.

Camera: Capture all those beautiful moments.

Headphones: Essential for the plane or bus ride.

Optional Extras

Portable Charger: Never run out of battery on the go.

Adapter and Converter: Make sure your electronics work anywhere in the world.

E-Reader: Load it up with books for the journey.

Travel Documents and Essentials

Documents

Passport and Visa: Check the expiration date!

Boarding Passes and Itinerary: Print them out or have them on your phone.

Travel Insurance: A copy of your policy details.

Driver's License: If you plan on renting a car.

Money

Credit and Debit Cards: Notify your bank of your travel plans.

Cash: In the local currency for small purchases and tips.

Comfort and Convenience

Travel Comfort

Neck Pillow: For those long flights.

Blanket or Shawl: Airplanes can get cold.

Eye Mask and Ear Plugs: Ensure a good night's sleep, no matter where you are.

Extras

Reusable Water Bottle: Stay hydrated.

Snacks: Healthy options for the road.

Travel-Sized Laundry Detergent: For quick washes in the sink.

Packing Tips to Maximize Space

Roll, Don’t Fold

Rolling your clothes can save a significant amount of space and reduce wrinkles. It’s a tried-and-true method that seasoned travelers swear by.

Use Packing Cubes

Packing cubes are a game-changer for keeping your suitcase organized. They help separate different types of clothing and make it easier to find what you need without unpacking everything.

Wear Your Bulkiest Items

If you’re bringing heavy or bulky items like a winter coat or boots, wear them during travel to save space in your suitcase. Plus, you can always take them off once you're on the plane and stow them overhead.

Utilize All Space

Stuff smaller items like socks and underwear into shoes or gaps between larger items. This ensures no space is wasted and helps keep everything snugly in place.

Final Thoughts

Packing doesn’t have to be a stressful, last-minute frenzy. With this ultimate travel packing checklist, you can ensure that you have everything you need for your trip, from the essentials to the little extras that make your journey more comfortable and enjoyable. Remember, the key to successful packing is organization and planning. So, next time you’re preparing for an adventure, refer back to this guide, and you'll be ready to conquer the world with ease and style. Happy travels! ✈️🌍

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#TravelPacking #TravelTips #UltimatePackingChecklist #PackingHacks #TravelEssentials #TravelSmart #AdventureAwaits #PackingMadeEasy #TravelChecklist #PackLikeAPro #TravelGuide #VacationPrep #TravelOrganization #EfficientPacking #PackingCubes #TravelHacks #PackingList #SuitcasePacking #TravelReady #PackingStrategies #HolidayPrep #TravelGear #SmartPacking #TravelPreparation #PackingGuide #JetSetters #TravelLight #OrganizedTravel #PackEfficiently #StressFreeTravel

[donkeyidea-blog]

7 Steps to Mindful Budgeting: Align Your Spending with Your Values for Financial Freedom

In today's fast-paced world, it's easy to get caught up in the cycle of mindless spending. We often find ourselves making purchases without truly considering whether they align with our values. Mindful budgeting offers a solution to this problem by helping us consciously allocate our financial resources in a way that reflects what truly matters to us. In this blog post, we will explore the steps you can take to align your spending with your values, paving the way for a more fulfilling and purpose-driven financial life.

Understanding Your Values

To begin your journey towards mindful budgeting, it's essential to first understand your values. Your values are the guiding principles that shape your decisions and define what truly matters to you. Take some time for self-reflection and identify the core values that resonate with you. For example, if sustainability is important to you, it might be one of your core values. Understanding your values will serve as a compass when making financial choices. Unlock the Secrets of Forex Trading: Discover a Free, Yet Powerful Learning Course at ForexFinanceTips.com!

Assessing Your Current Spending Habits

Next, it's time to assess your current spending habits. Track your expenses over a defined period, such as a month, and categorize them accordingly. This exercise will provide you with a clear picture of where your money is going and whether your spending aligns with your values. For instance, if you realize that you're spending a significant portion of your income on dining out, but your core value is health, you might need to realign your spending habits.

Creating a Mindful Budget

With a deeper understanding of your values and spending patterns, it's time to create a mindful budget. Start by setting financial goals that align with your values. For example, if one of your values is personal growth, you may allocate a certain amount of money each month for books, courses, or workshops. Distribute your funds across different categories based on your values, ensuring that each category receives adequate attention.

Practicing Mindful Spending

Mindful spending involves consciously evaluating each purchase against your values. Before making a purchase, ask yourself whether it aligns with what truly matters to you. For instance, if adventure is one of your values, consider whether buying a new gadget brings you closer to that value or if the money could be better spent on a hiking trip. By practicing this mindful decision-making process, you'll ensure that your spending reflects your true priorities.

Overcoming Challenges

While on the path of mindful budgeting, you may face challenges such as temptation and impulse buying. It's important to stay mindful and remind yourself of your values when faced with such situations. For instance, if you encounter a tempting sale, pause and ask yourself if the purchase aligns with your values or if it's driven by a momentary desire. Stay motivated and committed to your budgeting journey, and remember that every small step counts.

Tracking and Adjusting Your Budget

To ensure the effectiveness of your mindful budgeting, it's crucial to regularly track your progress and make adjustments as needed. Monitor your spending and savings, and compare them against your budgeted amounts. Celebrate the milestones you achieve along the way, such as reaching a savings goal or successfully sticking to your budget for a certain period. Adjust your budget as circumstances change, and be flexible in adapting to new financial situations.

Benefits of Aligning Spending with Values

Aligning your spending with your values brings numerous benefits. By consciously allocating your financial resources, you will experience a heightened sense of financial satisfaction. Moreover, you'll reduce stress and guilt associated with impulsive or wasteful spending. Your money will be directed towards what truly matters to you, leading to a more meaningful and purposeful life.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q1: Can I still enjoy myself while practicing mindful budgeting?  - A1: Absolutely! Mindful budgeting doesn't mean deprivation or sacrificing enjoyment. It means being intentional about how you allocate your resources, so you can spend on things that truly bring you joy and align with your values. Q2: Is mindful budgeting time-consuming?  - A2: Initially, it may require some time and effort to set up your budget and track your expenses. However, as you become more familiar with the process, it becomes easier and more streamlined. The benefits you gain from mindful budgeting outweigh the initial investment of time. Q3: What if my financial situation changes?  - A3: Your financial situation may change over time, and that's okay. Mindful budgeting is adaptable, and you can adjust your budget to accommodate new circumstances. The key is to regularly review and update your budget as needed. Conclusion: Mindful budgeting offers a transformative approach to managing your finances. By aligning your spending with your values, you can experience a greater sense of purpose, satisfaction, and financial well-being. Embrace this practice, take small steps, and be patient with yourself. Start your mindful budgeting journey today and witness the positive impact it can have on your life. We would love to hear about your experiences with mindful budgeting. Share your thoughts, tips, and success stories in the comments below. Together, let's inspire and support each other on this path toward financial empowerment. Read the full article

[readingsbylibramc]

birth chart reading for @pelicantoes

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a seesaw shape. your life focuses on different ideals and interests, often constrasting between each other. from one side, this gives you the ability to be adaptable and find solutions easily. on the other hand, you may struggle with balance; for example, you might find yourself dedicating your life to your relationships, neglecting your ego or viceversa. you need to learn how to harmonize these energies.

your dominant planets are venus, the sun and neptune. you are probably quite creative, or at least you have a passion for creative outlets; you may like music, reading, cooking, etc. you may be a trendsetter among your peers, or you may even become pretty well-known in your field. you are very sensitive and empathic, it comes natural for you to understand and absorb others' feelings. as a result, you might be quite introverted, you get tired easily when in social contexts.

your dominant sign is aquarius. you're eccentric and rebel, you don't like being told what to do. you're very considerate of others, as you focus more on the development of a group rather than your persona. that's because you want the people you frequent to be as open-minded as you are. aquarius people are capable of elaborating different ideas in a short amount of time; hence, you either overwork yourself, or you're not able to keep up with all your ideas, leaving projects unfinished.

your dominant element is air. in your life, you adore seeking knowledge of any kind. you may be interested in studying different subjects, from those you study at school like science, maths, literature etc. to more unconventional ones, such as astrology, psychology, criminology and so on. you enjoy interacting with people; even if you’re not that sociable, you’ll still be interested in their point of view and their ideals, as you see it as a way to expand your own mind. you’re also interested in vintage, and you may have a retro aesthetic or just like history in general.

🌎 ascendant in taurus, 3° / 1st decan ruled by venus

taurus is ruled by venus, the planet of beauty. therefore, you’re probably very attractive, even if not conventionally. taurus risings usually come off as introverted and shy, you’re probably not much talkative. you’re a homebody, you prefer staying at home reading a good book instead of going out and partying, even though you don’t despise hanging out with your friends either. basically, you’d rather watch a movie with them than going to the disco, for example. you’re a very patient and cautious person; because of that, you may considered slow, and it may be true, especially in your movements. yet, you just like thinking deeply about a decision, even if it’s just about what to eat for dinner. you don’t want to have regrets. you may also be quite materialistic, and hence you’re extremely careful to how you spend your money. you don’t want to be a burden to someone else, in fact you most likely used to feel guilty to ask your parents for money when you were younger. you’d rather be independent. you don’t fancy flaky, insignificant relationships. you prefer having long-lasting and intense bonds, you don’t have time to waste. you’re particularly loyal, but you could become too possessive and possibly controlling of your partners or friends. you’re probably not very flexible in life, since taurus is a fixed sign; you’re particularly fond of routine and you don’t like changing it out too often. it’s hard for you to adapt to changes, so you’d rather avoid them at all. taurus risings tend to have a very youthful vibe to them, and they’re usually more on the shorter side, or at least average. I’ve also noticed that they tend to have naturally straight and silky hair. even if you don't take much care of it, it’s still thick and good-looking. your eyes may be small or at least of average size, and they’re usually hooded, almond-shaped with naturally long lashes. your nose could be a button shape or a french nose but, even if it’s not, it still goes very well with your overall face. your lips are most likely full, even if not necessarily plump. you may also have a defined, distinctive cupid’s bow.

taurus ascendant square leo saturn: you may be shy and have self-esteem issues, especially during your early years. because of that, you may often appear as insecure to others, or even unreliable. you have a strong desire to be with someone and commit to them, you despise supertificial bonds, but at the same time you may find yourself being too shy to approach others, especially during your early years. you may not be the most confident person on earth, but as time goes by your grow more and more confident. this may apply more to the younger you, actually. you don't feel much comfortable around other people, and others can sense that; your insecurity is exposed to the world, and some may take advantage of that to hurt your feelings. you're afraid of being judged, whether it's for your appearance, or maybe because of your ideals or interests. hence, you end up becoming reserved. this is something that will be solved through growth and time; the older you get, the easier you'll be on yourself. also, thanks to this aspect, you're a responsible person with defined values. to cope with this placement, I'd suggest you to do what makes you feel the best. there are different ways to boost your self-esteem, so maybe you can work on that and then start expressing yourself freely; if you do it without the fear of being judged, you will shine even more.

🌞 sun in aries, 13° / 2nd decan ruled by mars and the sun

even though you enjoy the idea of love and relationships, your independence is what matters the most for you. you possess strong leadership, which makes you aspire for the best positions in work, school, marriage etc. you don't want to lower your standards. aries have the reputation of being fearless, and that's mainly caused by their impulsiveness. in fact, if they actually thought before acting, they wouldn't be aries lol. some people may even define you as selfless, as you literally put yourself in danger or in awkward situations just to say what you truly think, even if nobody asked. it's part of your nature, you don't want to go unnoticed. you hate routine; you always try to spice up your daily life a bit by meeting new people and trying new experiences in general. you enjoy having fun, partying, travelling... you thrive in social situations. you may have troubles making right decisions, as you're quite indecisive. but, once you do choose, no one is gonna stop you from achieving your goals and showing the world who you are. in fact, you gain confidence from your assertiveness, making you pretty proud of your persona as well.

🌙 moon in gemini, 16° / 2nd decan ruled by mercury and venus

the most intelligent decan. you're very curious about the world, you always want to be informed about the latest news and everything that surrounds you in general. this could make you love gossip and journalism, for example. in fact, you're quite chatty, you love talking to others, and you're likely to have a good sense of humor as well. you live to fill up your mind with knowledge, and you love sharing what you learn with others. in some cases, you may even come off as a bit of a know-it-all. you're really practical and logical; while this is good, as it's obviously a heavy mental work that makes you even smarter, you have the tendency to over-analyze your emotions. for example, if you start feeling happy all of a sudden, you may be so busy trying to understand what makes you so happy that you may forget to feel your happiness. you're also quite moody, and go from being full of energy and sociable to isolating yourself. I also assume that you may hide your feelings, even if you don't do it consciously. e.g, you may make jokes about them. even though you don't realize it, it's a sort of self-sabotaging mechanism, as you're literally exposing your weak points to the world and enhancing your flaws. aside from that, I still think that people perceive you as very likeable, especially when you feel comfortable in the environment you are in. you're naturally flirty and charming, and people take note of that.

gemini moon square pisces mercury: your thoughts and feelings are constantly in contrast with each other. your gemini moon desires adventures and social interactions, your pisces mercury wants intimacy and privacy. this results in indecisiveness, you change your mind pretty often, and that can cause you conflicts due to communication problems. you're also pretty opinionated, you don't hide your feelings when you act by impulse, even though you may feel guilty about it: you are very sensitive, you want to treat people well, but you could be impulsive or sarcastic and hurt people. at least, the positive side of this placement is that you're probably very intellectual, capable of taking in consideration both the subjective and objective side of an argument.

gemini moon conjunct gemini mars: you're very proud of yourself, and you don't like to acknowledge your mistakes. you always want to look like you have your life together, even in certain moments when you feel lost. I would say that this is a sort of self-sabotaging mechanism, as you can literally go as far as forcing a smile if it shows the world that you can stand by yourself. overall, I would say you deal with your emotions in a very 'child-like' way; after all, mars is pretty self-centered. you tend to preserve yourself more, unless someone really special to you is involved. in fact, mars touching the moon moon makes you really protective of your loved and trusted ones, even though they're not many because of your high standards. you're also very honest, you speak from your heart. while it's a positive trait, you may be too blunt and ruin your relationships because of that. you're both smart and fast, hence you may get annoyed when people mishear or misunderstand your words

gemini moon opposite sagittarius pluto: your emotions are so intense that they almost scare those around you. in fact, you're prone to accentuated mood swings; when you're happy, you start smiling and laughing joyfully. when you're sad, you're the type to cry, scream, even throw up in some cases. that's how far you go with your emotions. maybe, you also feel repressed to express your feelings exactly for this reason. you probably also have a conservative/possessive mother (or just any member of your family), with whom you don't feel at ease expressing your emotions. or maybe, your mother was absent throughout your life. on the other hand, you can understand others' feelings, but be careful not to use it to manipulate others. you could also be very paranoid, and might develop addictions and anxiety disorders. if you don't feel comfortable speaking to someone you know and there's something you need to talk about, I'd suggest you to do it with a therapist. don't be afraid to face your emotions, you'll only be able to control them if you get know them.

🗣️ mercury in pisces, 16° / 2nd decan ruled by neptune and the moon

you have the potential to be very focused on something thanks to your taurus energy, but your heavy pisces influence may interfer in that. in fact, you probably lose yourself in your own thoughts very often, starting daydreaming instead of doing what you have to do. you’re very creative and artistic, and you’re also able to fully convey your emotions in your words, even though it may be perceived as confusing sometimes. that’s because not everyone is as empathetic as you are. on the other hand, you may have the tendency to lie, or just being confusing in any way. you may not always express what you want crystal clear, as you want to able to modify the story just in case you encounter some hardships. also, you never truly express your feelings, probably out of fear. probably, the way you elaborate your thoughts is also influenced by your family and the impact they had on you. you’re always vague, and you keep your private matters for yourself. pisces is a mutable sign, so you may also find yourself changing ideas often, your mind wanders from one thought to another. you are very intuitive, and you may even have some sort of psychic talent. you could do well at reading tarots, birth charts etc. your voice is probably naturally loud, it's hard not to listen to you. also, since your mercury is squaring pluto, you could be quite impulsive sometimes and say things you actually don't mean. you could argue often with others due to this trait of yours, you get defensive very easily. on the other hand, you most likely have a nice sense of humor at least.

pisces mercury square gemini mars: this placement makes you slightly more aggressive with your words. as a result, it makes you look more assertive and almost bossy. you could often attack people with words when you get angry, and you can get quite provocative too, even though it may happen in a more passive way. even though you’re quite controversial for the way you speak, you’re still very sensitive to others’ words. your self-esteem tends to find its base mostly on others’ opinion about you, and you always look for reassurance from your loved ones. to deal with this hard aspect, you need to think before you speak. if you have troubles understanding others’ feelings, just think about how you’d love to be treated. patience will just come naturally to you.

❤️ venus in aquarius, 27° / 3rd decan ruled by uranus and venus

when it comes to love, you actually step out of your comfort-zone! aquarius is unpredictable; that is, you're not into clichés. sure, you need a loyal partner who's stable both emotionally and financially, but at the same time they must have something unique about them. you're not the type to fall for the first guy you see down the street. in addition to that, you're not into the typical, cheesy romantic stuff. you want your partner to be a friend, not only a boyfriend/husband. you want to feel able to talk and vent to them, just like you'd do with a friend, but also someone that is willing to stay with you through thick and thin. you hardly fall in love at first sight, and you act quite casually around your crushes. in fact, most of the times you come off as so detached that you hardly look like you're interested in someone. people could get intimidated from you because of that, in fact sometimes you just wish you could be the one taking the lead and ask others out, and maybe you do. also, you need a partner that can stimulate you mentally. you can't stand a boring relationship with no amusement and excitement, you want someone that can constantly surprise you in some way. in fact, you'd probably choose brains over looks. last but no least, you hate feeling committed. that doesn't mean that you're unloyal, not at all. but you can't be with someone possessive that wants to take control of your life, it would be the death of you. you're able to stand up on your own.

aquarius venus square scorpio jupiter: you come off as a very positive, happy-go-lucky person. you're extremely friendly, and this makes you be good at social relationships. you may have lots of friends, or at least you have the potential to make many if you opened up and talked to them. yet, while this energy gives you positive vibes, some people may take advantage of that, as you could easily be mistaken for naive. people can try to dominate you unconsciously (sometimes even on purpose) not only in relationships but even in friendships. aside from that, I don't think this placement causes you many problems. you may have the tendency to procrastinate and not work. you could be quite lazy and get easily distracted, as you're constantly with your head in the clouds.

☄️ mars in gemini, 23° / 3rd decan ruled by mercury and uranus

you’re driven by the sense of intelligence. your intellect is your greatest strenght, it’s your energy tank. you’re interested in a bunch of things, and hence you may have trouble staying focused on one thing at the time. you probably have tons of hobbies, and you may end up not being much precise since you have tons of things that you have and want to do. you can’t stand boredom, you need your day-to-day life to be exciting and, above all, offer you something new to learn and / or experience. you probably fancy being very active: you go out often, you workout, you may also be the type to love partying and things like that. you’re extremely witty and curious, and you want to live your life to the fullest. you may often change your style, your opinions, maybe even your personality, and that could make you seem confusing and / or unreliable.

gemini mars opposite sagittarius pluto: with this placement, I assume that when you were younger you were some sort of victim. you could have been bullied, for example, you used to be insecure about the way you looked and were. you could have felt different from others, and they took advantage of that to make you feel even more insecure. or maybe, it was a parent, or every authoritative figure in your life, that restricted you from following your own ideals. because of that, now you constantly feel the need to prove yourself. you probably tend to accumulate a lot of anger all together, which you need to let all out or you could explode. you could find comfort in physical ways to relieve stress, like punching bags, slamming doors, etc. or perhaps, when you're angry you just get overwhelmed by all of your emotions. you may cry, scream, even throw up in certain cases. on the other hand, you are extremely magnetic and attractive to others, you naturally draw people towards you. you're also extremely passionate in whatever you do, you put your whole heart in doing things you love. you're very hard-working and determined to achieve your goals, making you extremely dedicated.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in taurus. you have a slow, cautious approach to the world. you don’t like rushing things, you prefer taking your time on any decision you make, it doesn’t matter whether it’s about what to wear or even about your future career. you’re fond of arts, creativity and self-expression in general, and people may actually know you for your creativity. combined with your aquarius energy, you may even seem alternative.

your 2nd house is in gemini. your moon and mars conjunction is also sitting in this house. you’re probably very intelligent, and your skills are what boost your self-esteem. you’re also capable of doing more than one thing at the same time. you could make money from communication, hence you could become a writer, a singer, a theraphist, a judge, even an influencer. anything that involves the use of words. you may also be quite intelligent, and your intellect and ideas are what make you feel most confident. this placement makes you crave stability, whether it's financial, in love etc. you may despise working too much. you love challenging your mind, but you're kind of lazy. you'd rather stimulate yourself through your hobbies and interests rather than using school / work, which are quite stressful for you. you need to find something material and concrete to motivate you and make you assertive. you could study just because you need a good grade, or maybe work just to get paid. you don't really do it with interest, as you care more about nurturing your passions than responsibilities. you're not really into conflicts; you'd rather be peaceful with everyone, as you find it a waste of time to argue with someone.

your 3rd house is in gemini. you adore communicating and getting to know new people. you enjoy learning new things, and you're probably skilled at a variety of things thanks to this placement. you may have the tendency to procrastinate, though, so be careful about that. you also have the ability to see the big picture, hence you're quite good at giving advices. however you probably only developed these skills recently. I imagine that when you were younger, you had a pessimistic view of the world that made you struggle to have solid bonds with others, or even with your siblings. you have great problem-solving skills, you are extremely intelligent and astute. when you were younger, you probably used to be the winner at games like hide-and-seek. this placement also enhances your thirst for knowledge of any kind, you want to learn at least a little about anything, from science to foreign cultures. yet, since you want to learn so many things all at once, you may lack precision and be a little bit superficial. on the other hand, you're a fast learner. you may often find people predictable, but in reality you're just ahead of them. you're also very open-minded.

your 4th house's cusp falls in cancer. you're grateful for your family. in fact, you probably still live near them, maybe in the same city. your family matters are one of the most relevant things in your life; your idea on marriage may be influenced by your family. you could either see eye to eye with your parents, or maybe you have their opposite opinion. no inbetween. in general, your childhood and family environment have a great impact on your life; you find yourself being very attached to your home, and you may search for stability and security even in your future family. you may love to maintain traditions, you're very sensitive and appreciative of your roots. however, due to your emotionality, you may tend to act irrationally sometimes, you're often driven by feelings rather than thoughts, therefore you can be quite moody.

your 5th house is in leo. saturn is also sitting in this house. you shine bright when you're able to express your creativity and need for fun and light romance/sex. the thing is, with saturn here, you probably felt restricted at first. you could have been ashamed of having too much fun, or maybe you were afraid of being a parent (even though with this placement you could be a nice mother, who's both strict and nice when needed). the position of the sun, which is the ruler of this house, confirms that. in fact, your ability to have fun was hidden from you, and you couldn't embrace it fully aside from daydreaming about it. however, after your saturn return, you're probably going to be able to overcome these issues.

your 6th house is in virgo. you care about your duties, hence your job plays a crucial role in your day-to-day life. you're also fond of your health, and you try to take as much care as possible of it. with this placement, you must be careful to not be pessimistic, or it will most probably mess you up. your life revolves around being productive. you don't like to waste your time, you always try to learn and gain something useful from everything you do. that's caused by the fact that you're motivated to be perfect in what you like; this, combined with your competitive nature, may often cause you to burn out. in fact, the downside to this placement is that you may overwork yourself too much.

your 7th house is in scorpio, with also jupiter placed there. you tend to attract very intense partners. your future spouse will be very loyal and fond of you, but they may be a little too obsessive for you. it will be a very intimate relationship, but you may struggle with control. in fact, you’ll most likely be both very possessive and easily jealous, and there may be some arguments regarding this issue. with this placement, you may also attract ‘broken’ people, such as drug dealers, alcoholics, abusers… yet, as I’ve already mentioned, you also have jupiter (sagittarius) in this house, which makes you luckier when it comes to love. you’ll most likely avoid this type of people, but your relationships will still be very karmic. they may be painful, as you love hard when you fall for someone, but they’ll be crucial for your self-growth. you may also find yourself being attracted to mature, possibly older people, from different cultures / country from yours.

your 8th house is in sagittarius. you’re very curious when it comes to taboo topics, you like learning about them. you’re probably into conspiracy theories, as well as matters like astrology, tarots, horror, tragedies, violence… you can use them to transform yourself and grow up, so you could definitely use this birth chart reading to improve yourself. 8th house is also the house of karma, and yours is kind of strange. you may often feel like you’re right about something, e.g the sky is blue. you’re very proud of your observation, but then it turns out to be different. it’s like the universe is constantly teaching you new things. luckily, this is something that gets better with time. in addition, having sagittarius here is great, as jupiter kind of protects you from the 8th house’s malefic themes. all the negative things that could happen to you, are actually blessings that are here to help you. you just need to be a little bit more optimistic, the universe has your back.

your 9th house is in sagittarius. pluto is also placed in this house. you were a good student, as you enjoyed studying subjects like philosophy, literature etc. after all, there's a romantic side to you that loves poetry and self-expression. overall, you love filling up your life with new adventures and trips that allow you to open your mind and come up with new ideas, theories and views of the world and society. your open-mindness manifests through creativity, hence you may enjoy reading (especially novels), writing, watching meaningful movies and so on. you literally give all of yourself in school, even though you might have had some trouble. maybe there were a few bullies/mean girls that caused you troubles, or perhaps your parents influenced your studies too much and you ended up choosing something that you didn't like. yet, pluto here indicates that school helps you transforming and growing up. you probably learnt or will learn a big lesson in school that will help you appreciate yourself more for who you are. overall, you went through major transformations during your school life, which helped you to find who you are today. maybe, you’ve changed class/school often, as you frequently changed your mind about the subjects you wanted to study.

your 10th house is in capricorn. you're very ambitious and serious about your career and reputation. this placement may make it hard for you to achieve your goals at first, but it won't be a problem if you work hard, which is something you probably don't lack due to your aries energy. with the ruler of the 10th being in the 5th house, you probably work in an artistic, creative or fun environment. you could also work with children.

your 11th house is in aquarius. neptune and venus are also sitting in this house. you love working in groups, especially if you're the leader. once someone becomes special to you, you'll do anything to protect them. venus in the placement makes your aquarius energy even more dominant in your chart. even though you may face some insecurities, you’re typically a strong-minded person. you strive for independence, as you focus your existence on your witty intellect. you have the ability to achieve great things, as your mind is literally revolutionary, even though you may struggle to make those projects concrete. a downside to this placement is that you may not give enough importance to your words; you’re brutally honest, and you may often hurt someone with your thoughts. even though you may appreciate it, as you don’t like it when people aren’t straight-forward, you probably don’t realize the effect your words can have on others. you’re also quite stubborn, and you take particular pride about your ideals. you may feel offended when people disagree with you. or maybe, you don’t even say your opinions, because you could be aware of the weight of your words and you don’t want to hurt others, or you’re afraid of being judged. as for love, you tend to be very rational, you have strong boundaries and you're not willing to settle down for the bare minimum. you may also end up dating or even marrying a friend of yours, or maybe you mat have to befriend people before developing feelings for them, you're not the type to fall for someone at first sight.

lastly, your 12th house is in pisces. your sun, mercury and uranus are also here. your dreams are pretty meaningful, and with the sun here you may also feel comfortable expressing your persona through religion and spirituality. you could dream about dead people, sex, or even have prophetic dreams. you understand people’s thoughts just by looking at them, it’s like you’re staring at their souls. in fact, you’re extremely empathetic, you probably find yourself being a psychologist for your friends. or maybe, you’re actually a psychologist. you’re amazingly creative and imaginative, you have the ability to picture your ideas. this is an amazing talent, in fact most artists have pisces placements. the downside to pisces is that I’ve noticed that, since they know they’re vulnerable, they have the tendency to lie. they don’t do it out of cruelty of course, it’s a sort way to protect their ego. you could want to be seen as bolder than you are, hence you could struggle with identity crisis, especially during your teenage years. you have your own morals and beliefs, but you could feel influenced by others to change yours. luckily, this is something that gets better with time, as you start being more aware of your persona and you start loving yourself. you're most probably a very complex individual. you're a sort of chameleon; you act differently based on where you are and who you're with. you could be a savage with someone, an introvert with someone else. you may even feel as if there's something wrong with your mind, as you just wish you could be like others. you probably lose yourself in your own thoughts very often, starting daydreaming instead of doing what you have to do. you’re very creative and artistic, and you’re also able to fully convey your emotions in your words, even though it may be perceived as confusing sometimes. that’s because not everyone is as empathetic as you are. on the other hand, you may have the tendency to lie, or just being confusing in any way. you may not always express what you want crystal clear, as you want to able to modify the story just in case you encounter some hardships. also, you never truly express your feelings, probably out of fear. probably, the way you elaborate your thoughts is also influenced by your family and the impact they had on you. you’re always vague, and you keep your private matters for yourself.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love, you attract scorpio, virgo, leo, sagittarius and gemini. your future spouse will most likely have scorpio and sagittarius traits; they’ll be extremely intelligent and astute, with a great thrist for knowledge of any kind. yet, they’ll also have a secretive, deep, almost mysterious vibe to them that will make you very attracted to them. you’ll most likely meet them at your job place, even though it may take you a while. they’ll also most likely have something to do with teaching or abroad. they could be foreign, or at least they’re able to speak more than one language. they’ll also be very open-minded and wise, probably older than you. your children will have capricorn, leo and aquarius traits as well: they’ll be extremely intelligent and witty, maybe a bit too paranoid, but also very fond of their parents, especially of you. they’ll love playing around, but they could be a bit immature. they’ll also love being spoiled with affection, as well as material things.

👶🏻 family life

your mother was very maternal with you, and she probably had cancer / water placements. she was very supportive of your decisions, and she was also very intelligent and fun to be around. your father was also very dominant in your family, and he was probably older than your mother. he was very hard-working, maybe even absent in your life, but it was because he wanted to give you all he could. he’s possibly a capricorn or another earth sign. you may have a few siblings, and they could even be your twins. you probably have a nice relationship with them; you’re all very intelligent and playful at the same time. you most likely share the same ideas and opinions. they’re also very astute, and they could have gemini and / or virgo placements.

📊 career

you’re a very ambitious person, and hence I don’t see you being the type to scrap projects. especially with your capricorn midheaven, you’re motivated to complete your works in order to show that you’re able to succeed, you want to be the best in what you do. I feel like the most suited career for you would be something that allows you to be in charge, to be your own boss as you know what’s best for you. you may set up your own business or become a ceo, and you'd probably suit the role. you may also work in a field related to economics and finances, maybe in a bank, in marketing, accounting and so on. however, due to your 10th house ruler being in the 5th house of hobbies and creativity, you may even be able to turn a creative hobby of yours into a living. for example, you may earn money from writing, fashion, cooking, acting, singing, making music, drawing, etc.

👚 fashion sense, style analysis

you probably have a very particular style. it probably describes who you are. you may be into traditional pieces of clothing that are always a must: cardigans, blazers, plain t-shirts, jeans etc. you probably wear natural shades of colours, hence white, beige, grey etc. or maybe also pastel colors. you may also be into retro fashion trends, especially 70s/80s. you don't like following fashion trends, you prefer making your own.

👁️ past life, life purpose

in your past lifetime, you used to put your spirituality aside for a while to focus on finding out your identity here on the earth. you learned how to be responsible, healthy and stable on the earth. you know your values, and they’re already very grounded, you’re very mature from this point of view. in this lifetime, you now need to get more in touch with your spirituality. you need to get close to your higher self, and you may actually be quite skilled at it; probably you may interpret your dreams, you could be interested in religion, what’s beyond the world, and you’re most likely also interested in astrology and other occult matters. you’ll finally be able to reach happiness and fulfill your soul when you start having awareness of your soul’s purpose. since you’ve booked a reading, I’m sure you’re already on the right path, so keep going this way.

🤔 major transits analysis / february 19

the pisces new moon occurring tomorrow is going to be very beneficial for your 12th house placements. the new moon is a great time for new beginnings, therefore focus on establishing new goals and manifestations. during this period, you're going to be more sensitive and in touch with your desires, meaning that there are higher chances or getting your manifestations faster, especially since your pisces house is the 12th house of higher knowledge and subconscious.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

you’re very in contact with your spirituality, making you more sensitive to higher affirmations. you have the ability to visualize what you want. that’s the key to activate the loa: travel with your fantasy, and visualize what you desire. do you want a new car? imagine yourself doing road-trips on that car. a new phone? visualize yourself making calls with that phone. you can even literally create a story involving those topics and it will come true. you can also help yourself by writing and listening to your own affirmations, maybe covered up by some music. in this way, you'll develop a more optimistic mindset and you'll be able to attract more positivity in your life. you just have to believe in your power!

this is the end! thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated with you :)

- libramc xx

[academyguide]

Macro Man Health and Fitness Blog: How do sleep and nutrition effect recovery? How do sleep and nutrition effect recovery? So here we are, part 5 and the final segment of the Recovery Series. Having already covered Ice Baths, Massage, Compression Clothing, and Active recovery, we are now left with two of the most important aspects of performance and recovery – Sleep and Nutrition. To begin I’m going to talk about hydration. It’s often spoken about how important it is to stay well hydrated, yet people will often let this be the first thing to slip when they start to focus on other things. It often seems to drift into the back of their mind as soon as they have something else to think about. Well hydration is damn important. So drink some water people! It can help aid you in fat loss, keeps performance high both mentally and physically1, and when recovering it is essential to replace the fluids you lose when sweating – so try to make sure you get a good amount of water in as soon as you can. I know that after a good game of club rugby on a Saturday all you want to do is sink a pint of Irish black gold, and believe me that would be my first thought too, but before you get yours hands on that beautiful well deserved pint get some water in. (Alcohol in general is obviously not good for performance, or for recovery, but I’m just being realistic here – especially now that “Dry January” is over.) Nutritionally speaking the best way to explain it is through a very cliché quote; “You wouldn’t put diesel in a petrol car”. And it’s true, when practicing a sport or exercising, your body is the car. And for that engine of yours to work at its best it needs to be adequately fuelled. Now there is a huge amount of information about nutrition out there on the Internet, and within that there is contrasting advice and endless different diets. Honestly, it’s a bit of a pain in the arse. Wouldn’t it just be amazing if there were one way that fits everyone? In my opinion it would. But that isn’t the case, and there is a reason. Different people react differently. For instance some people have food intolerances, some react better to carbohydrates, some better to fats, some can work well eating the majority of their carbs late at night, others would get fatter by doing the same thing. So it can take a bit of time to find out what works for you. Trial and error, and not just trialing for something for one day and saying it doesn’t work. You have to try it, allow time for adaptation to occur, and then make a decision based upon results. This goes for weight gain, maintenance, and loss. That being said – there is some basic information that can be very transferrable, and that should be put into place when trying to improve recovery. First off – you need to eat! Even if you were lay in bed doing absolutely nothing but breathing and thinking all day your body would still burn calories. This is called your basal metabolic rate. The amount of calories you would burn doing the absolute minimum. So if you’re not eating, you will gradually lose weight and your everyday bodily functions will start to suffer if not properly fuelled. What foods do we need? Well the obvious answer first up is to look at your macronutrients – Carbohydrates, Protein and Fats. When you consume carbohydrates, the body can break it down into glycogen, which then is utilised for energy production (I’m putting it simply – its much more complicated than that in real life, but for that stuff go read a text book). Protein is made up of amino acids, these are the building blocks for muscle repair. So to make sure you maintain muscle or build muscle, you need to get protein in from somewhere such as meats, eggs or supplements. Fats – oh here we go! So fats get a lot of stick in the press. Low fat this, low fat that. That’s great, well done, but the body needs fat. Simple. Fat can also be used as fuel for the body, as well

as insulation. Different fats that we get through food can also be used to help keep our joints healthy, and keep our brain functioning. So how much of each should you be eating? Unfortunately it all depends on you. Protein should be a mainstay. If you are a sports person, or if you train regularly, you will need more than the average person as your muscles are being used on a regular basis. Carbohydrates can fluctuate, for me personally I feel like crap if I eat loads of carbohydrates, but equally if I eat a low amount I feel rubbish too. So I rotate them so I eat more on hard training days to fuel my workouts and replenish afterwards, but less on off days as I don’t need that fuel. I then rotate fat consumption to balance my carb intake. If you feel like you are always tired, or you’re losing weight or strength, you probably need to eat more. If you’re gaining weight, but are having no performance improvements and just getting fat, you probably need to eat less. But finding something that works for you takes time. My advice would be find a balance, try it for 6-8 weeks, then change if necessary.  Eat more carbohydrates when you’re training hard, plenty of protein every single day no matter whether you’re training hard or resting, and get fats in through good sources such as nuts and fish. One last thing on nutrition – eat your vegetables! (Nutrition references 2-5) The final section of this article is my personal favourite, and the most important. Sleep. Everyone needs to sleep. It is absolutely fundamental to performance, and to general health. Lack of sleep not only leads to tiredness (obviously), but it can screw up your hormone balance, which will lead to performance changes. There are plenty of people who aren’t getting where they want to be in sport or business, and they will give an extra 2 hours a day training or working in the office at the expense of sleep, and this will then just pile on top itself to manifest into something bad. If they had an extra hour or two each day, their concentration throughout the day would actually increase, and likely their productivity. For those of you wanting sporting gains, our muscles repair when they are resting. And we get a boost of naturally occurring growth hormone when we sleep. Combine those two statements and you should realise that you need sleep. So there we go. A little bit longer than my usual articles, but we have covered a lot in this one. I’ve put a few references together at the bottom, including a couple of podcast episodes which are fantastic for understanding the importance of sleep, so have a flick through them if you want. As I mentioned at the start, this was the final part of the Recovery Series. I hope you have enjoyed reading them, and please share them around as much as you can. It would be great if these could reach more people, as a lot of athletes don’t understand the importance of recovery to their performance. Next week we will be looking into something new, so I’ll leave you hanging on to find out. Thanks again for reading, and feel free to get in contact. 1.      Gibson-Moore, H. (2014) Hydration and Health. Nutrition Bulletin, 39 (1). 2.      Dr. Israetel, M. (2014). The Renaissance Diet. E-Book. 3.      Bean, A. (2013). The Complete Guide to Sports Nutrition. Bloomsbury Publishing PLC, London UK. 7th Edition. 4.      American College of Sports Medicine. (2009). Nutrition and Athletic Performance. Medicine & Science in Sport & Exercise, 49 (3). 5.      McLaren, D. (2008). Protein, Carbohydrates and Muscle Recovery. The Journal of the UK Strength & Conditioning Association, 10. 6.      Barbell Shrugged. 158 - The 1 Thing That Will Make You Better at Everything. 07 January 2015. 7.      Barbell Shrugged. 113 - 1 Quick Way To Naturally Increase Testosterone: Sleep. 16 April 2014. Source link

[writingdotcoffee]

#227: Dealing with Change as a Writer

Writing a book takes a long time. Authors spend years and even decades crafting their novels. But life doesn’t really care that you’re working on a book. Things change all the time. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. How to carry on writing when life gets in the way?

Predictability is good for writing. Write 500 words every day, you'll have a book in six months. Create that routine and stick to it. How hard can it be?

This almost never works because something will inevitably change during those six months. Maybe you need to stay late at work for a few weeks to hit a deadline. You may be moving house or buying a new car. These things take time and energy that you would’ve spend on writing before.

You stop reaching your daily goals, get frustrated. Over time, even the idea of change may start stressing you out. Your writing projects will make you resist change, make you afraid of it.

How will you keep writing if you move out to the suburbs and have an hour-long commute? How will you keep going when you have kids? How will you finish your book in case you have to switch jobs? These decisions can be intimidating on their own, let alone when your writing dreams seem at stake. But resisting making those changes will put you in an increasingly fragile position. You'll feel stuck, scared to make any move at all.

Change Is Good

Worrying about what will you lose can completely eclipse the good parts of change. In the vast majority of cases, change is good. It's how you discover new things. It's where you get inspiration. Change is a risk, but risks can pay off massively.

The more you lean into change, the more you get used to it. You'll trust yourself to adapt to whatever may come.

Change is often Reversible

What’s the worst thing that could happen?

Even if it may not seem like that at the time, change is often reversible or at least fixable. If you move too far out of the city, you can wait until your lease expires and move back. You can't get rid of your kids once you have them, but you can get a babysitter for a few hours here and there. And if you switch jobs and don't like it, you can find another job. Unless your old job was literally the best job in the world, there's always plenty of options.

Finding New Ways to Write

The true way of dealing with change as a writer is to expect it. One day, you'll wake up and your old writing routine won't work anymore. Be ready.

Don't get stuck trying to protect something that no longer works. Keep finding new ways to write.

About the Author

Hi, I’m Radek 👋. I’m a writer, software engineer and the founder of Writing Analytics — an editor and writing tracker designed to help you beat writer’s block and create a sustainable writing routine.

I publish a post like this every week. Want to know when the next one comes out? Sign up for my email list below to get it right in your inbox.

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Past Editions

#226: 12 Most Popular Writing Quotes of 2021, December 2021

#225: What Fears Hold You Back as a Writer?, December 2021

#224: What Will Your Story Be?, December 2021

#223: Consistency is Key, November 2021

#222: Passion and Grind, November 2021

[im-in-vin-ci-ble]

Hello~ Can I request a Mark x fem reader who’s a lot like starfire and is very Powerful close to omni man and is also an alien princess but she lives on earth and they go to the same school and she’s also a solo hero who one day sees invincible fighting off a tough villain with the teenteam but is losing so she steps in to help and he recognizes her and starts getting all nervous since he has a crush on her and then after that they introduce themselves get to know each other and eventually work they’re way up to mark confessing and she says yes :3

(If possible can it be a slow burn im a sucker for slow burn tropes and stuff 😤)

A/N: I gotchu, this bout to be a lil long 😮‍💨 making the fem!reader a little more human, figured since she’s in an actual school for humans she’d need to adapt to the humor/culture so she doesn’t get suspicious

Pairing: Mark Grayson x Fem!Reader

Rating: M, some swearing and gross monster guts

Warnings: N/A

Summary: Mark is finally joined in battle by an alien princess who has caught his attention. Turns out she goes to the same high school, and if he can throw around 150-pound monsters across the street, surely he can confess his true feelings to a girl... right?

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?!" Rex Splode yelled as he wobbled up off the ground. "We've been on this thing for hours and it only has one damn cut!"

"Calm down Rex," Atom Eve said from behind, "You're gonna get even more tired from yelling."

The two watched as Dupli-Kate attempted to distract the scaly kaiju, replicating herself second after second to give space for Invincible to hit the monster by surprise. The kaiju's screech echoed throughout the city and shook the foundations of the surrounding buildings, forcing Rex, Atom Eve and Robot to move aside and save however many civilians they could.

"Invincible," Dupli-Kate shouted, "I can't keep up much longer!"

A sonic boom overcame the surrounding noise and Invincible appeared from the clouds. Dropping in at maximum speed, the young superhero balled his hand into a fist and took a deep breath. A loud battle cry escaped his mouth but it was cut short as the kaiju's heavy arm slapped him away just in time, throwing him through destroyed buildings until he landed on the pavement.

Out of breath, dizzy, and in a serious amount of pain, Invincible laid on the broken road for a second to regain his strength. The wind softly blew down on him as he focused his sight on a contrail leading towards him, and he watched as a girl in purple land right next to him.

She bent down and held him upright, "Invincible, are you okay?"

"Mmhmm," Invincible croaked with a defeated smile, "Totally fine."

His sight reverted back to normal and the first face he saw shocked him alive. It was her. They never talked in school and he was almost sure she didn't know his real name, but here she was, basically cradling him in her arms and calling him Invincible.

So she knows who I am. At least with the suit.

"Come on, that kaiju is about to be destroy the entire city," she said, helping him get back on his feet and flying away to the seemingly unbeatable figure.

He huffed, "Stay cool, Mark. She's here to help," and he followed suit.

This marked the first time he really interacted with the new superhero; he'd only ever see her on TV or read about how she saved people on the newspaper. He'd be lying if he said he didn't find her attractive — as do most guys his age — but watching her blast the kaiju with the green bursts of energy from her hands made her only even more appealing.

Invincible regrouped with the rest of the Teen Team. "I don't know what else we can do to this thing," Atom Eve admitted.

"I do," the girl spoke up. "Distract it as best as you can but stay far away from the stomach. When I tell you to take cover, make a run for it."

Robot replied, "That seems highly dangerous."

"Let's do it," Invincible quickly replied in a high-pitched voice.

Everyone looked over at him, surprised at the sudden change in his voice and just how fast he reacted in agreement. 

"Uh, it's a good plan," he nodded, causing the girl to shoot a warm smile his way. "I definitely think we should do it... if all of you... uh, think, we should."

Exhausted and out of options, the rest of the group followed her orders and took different corners of the monster. Dupli-Kate handled one leg, Rex Splode handled the other, Robot and Atom Eve took the arms, and Invincible went back to the head. The kaiju struggled to keep its focus on just one of the heroes, and while it remained preoccupied, the girl absorbed all the energy she could muster and flew straight for the stomach.

"Take cover, now!"

Invincible and the Teen Team moved away and they watched as the flying hero's eyes opened in a bright shade of neon green, both her arms extended out as a large ball of green formed around her hands. The rays exploded right through the kaiju and it shrieked in pain as she briefly disappeared into the stomach. The kaiju lost balance and slowly fell forward as the girl, her eyes still green, appeared on the other side and harshly fell down on the ground.

The kaiju landed on the street with a loud boom and the group ran towards the girl who was now covered in parts of the kaiju's digestive system.

"Okay, that's kinda gross," Rex Splode commented, to which Dupli-Kate quickly responded, "Shut up."

Invincible dropped down on his knees and wiped the blood and guts off her face. Subtly admiring her facial features up close, he couldn't believe (and almost felt stupid) that he never recognized her despite the fact that he almost saw her everyday.

The girl groaned in agony softly shook her head, her eyes fluttering open to the sight of Invincible's dark hair, goggles and yellow mask.

"Hey, hey," he whispered, "Are you alright?"

She sat up and hissed at her injuries, holding her head with her bloody hand. "Mmhmm," she gently nodded with a half smile, her eye one still shut. "Totally fine."

---

Mark had a hard time focusing on school. His body ached from yesterday's injuries and he suffered a few bruises from literally tearing through buildings. He made his way to his locker and rested his head on the metal door, dreading the fact that he still has an entire afternoon of classes to go. Closing his eyes in hopes to quickly recharge, his moment of peace was disrupted when a shoulder rammed into his chest and several books landed right on his toe.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry," a voice exclaimed.

Mark's head snapped up at the sound of the voice. It's her. He momentarily froze and watched the girl bend down to pick up her things, and when he finally regained movement a split second later, he also bent down to help her out. He kept quiet as he tried to think of the coolest possible response to make her think that he was actually the coolest guy in school, but all he could think of was how heavenly and badass she looked yesterday.

"Thanks," she said as he handed her the book. "I hope your foot doesn't bruise."

They both stood up and he shot her a nervous smile. "T-totally fine," he replied, clearing his throat afterwards.

She crossed her brows at his response and nodded, and a look of suspicion replaced her worried demeanor.

"I'm Mark, by the way," he cleared his throat again and reached out his hand, "Grayson."

"Mark... Grayson, huh?" she responded, scanning his face as her suspicion grew. Her eyes finally landed on the hand that was waiting, and she took one last look into his eyes before deciding to shake it. "I'm Y/N," she introduced herself with a skeptical smile, feeling his sweaty palm wrapped around hers. "I'll see you around, Mark Grayson."

She walked away and Mark's eyes followed her trail as far as he could see. He quickly pulled out his phone to send a text to Eve, who was actually watching their interaction a few classrooms down.

"Mark," Eve called out as she moved towards him. “So I’m assuming...”

"You knew?” he asked her in disbelief. “Why didn't you tell me Y/N was a superhero? I just introduced myself to her as Mark Grayson and I'm almost positive she knows I'm Invincible."

"First off, it's not my secret tell," she answered with a shrug. "Second, you guys didn’t trade secrets or whatever?”

Mark shook his head in a panic, "No, but I'm guessing she also knows that I know her secret the same way I know she knows my secret." He rested his forehead on the locker door once again and groaned, "Ugh, I'm so into her, it isn't even funny. And this whole superhero thing just made it even more awkward."

Eve laughed, "Look, I'm not going to force her to tell you if she isn't up for it, but if you want, I can ask her to hang out with us later. Maybe — emphasis on maybe — my presence will make her comfortable enough to admit who she is."

"Okay, okay," he sighed, turning around to rest the back of his head. "My insides are dying."

"After the kaiju yesterday, be thankful you don't mean that in a literal sense."

---

Where in the hell is Eve?

Mark pulled out his phone for the third time in 10 minutes. Still no call or response from Eve to his text. He was getting evidently nervous; his palms were sweaty again and it felt like someone turned up the heat in Burger Mart. His left leg jerked up and down in anxiety as he stared at his phone, looking at the seconds on the clock icon tick by. If he were left alone with Y/N, he'd have no idea what to say. What does she like? Should I bring up the kaiju yesterday and praise Invincible? No, she'll just think I'm full of myself.

"Hey Mark."

He jolted and saw Y/N standing by the corner of the booth. "Hi!" he replied in that irritatingly high-pitched voice. Mark's heart began to race and the thoughts in his head ran wild. "Um... Have a seat. Sorry Eve isn't here yet, she actually hasn't answered my calls or my messages. Teenage girls, huh? What can you do?"

She crossed her brows again and chuckled, "That's fine, we can wait for Eve. But I think I'm more concerned about you."

"What do you mean?"

Y/N chuckled again, "You seem... nervous.”

He faked an obnoxiously loud laugh, “Me? Nervous?”

She watched him from across the table in silence, waiting for him to regain his composure.

When Mark couldn’t hear Y/N laughing with him, he finally shut up and shook his head. “Yeah, I am nervous, sorry,” he admitted, shutting his eyes tight. 

She giggled, “Totally fine.”

Hearing her say those two words calmed his racing heartbeat. A smile crept on his face and she reciprocated, their eyes locking for a few seconds before both their phones buzzed.

“Oh, I just got a text from Eve,” Mark said. 

“Me too.” She opened the message and began to read it out loud, “Sorry, can’t make it tonight. Something came up.”

“Have fun, you two,” he followed, his voice faltering. He placed his phone, screen down this time, back on the table and sighed, “Sorry, guess you’re stuck with me. That is, if you do want to stay and... hang out, and stuff.”

"Why wouldn’t I?” she replied, her warm smile easing Mark back into a relaxed state. “It’s nice to have a friend who...” she trailed off, “understands.”

“Understands what?” he asked.

“This thing people like us call life,” she answered. “You know, it took me a long time to acclimate here. I didn’t think I ever would, then I met friends who made this place feel like home. And home is a feeling I hadn’t felt in a really long time.”

Mark rested his elbows on the table and leaned in closer, “Well, I’m always here. You know, a-as a friend... or an acquaintance, even. I don’t, I don’t want to push it.”

Y/N giggled again, “You’re a funny man, Mark Grayson. This planet is lucky to have someone like you.” She reached out and held his hand, “And I’m even luckier to have you as a friend, or an acquaintance.” 

He felt the heat rush to his face and he could swear his heart nearly jumped out of his chest. The afternoon flew by in a hurry as they engaged in lengthy conversations, fatty fast food, and childhood stories. While Mark was open to sharing every tiny detail — down to the color of the bleachers at the park where he played little league — Y/N kept hers pretty vague, leaving out descriptions of family members and even the places where these stories happened. 

Mark’s phone buzzed again, but the vibrating pattern indicated it was a phone call. He turned the screen over and saw the unknown number; it was time to suit up.

“Shit, I’m sorry Y/N, but I need to go,” he said in a rush. “I have a... uh, an emergency.”

You couldn’t have thought of anything more specific?

“It’s cool. Um, don’t worry about it,” she said, shaking her head with her eyes glued to the vibrating phone. 

Mark’s one leg was already out the booth before he decided to finally just go for it. Sitting back down with his now quiet phone in his hands, he took a deep breath.

“Y/N, I think you’re really cool. Can I maybe, like, call you sometime, or something?”

Her lips formed into smile that extended to her eyes, and it was enough for Mark to melt a little. “Of course. Yeah, sure,” she replied in excitement and typed down her number on his phone. She handed it back, “Now you know how to reach me if you’re getting your ass whooped again.”

His mouth fell open as his shaky hands grabbed his phone. “Wait—”

She smoothly slid out of the booth, “See you later, Invincible,” she winked, “Don’t get killed today.”

---

Luckily for Mark, no one got killed today. Maybe a few wounds here and there, but nothing painful enough that will land him in the GDA hospital. After spending an hour in the shower, he finally managed to lie down on his bed and rest his body. He sank into the mattress and closed his eyes, taking in the seconds of undisturbed peace that have become rare moments since he got his powers. 

As he replayed the events of today’s fights in his head, his mind drifted off to the hours he spent with Y/N. He pulled out his phone and mustered the courage to press the dial button, and the repeating sound of the ringing was making his pulse race. 

“Hello?”

“Oh good, you didn’t die today.”

Mark chuckled and sandwiched his hand between his head and the pillow. “It wasn’t that bad today, just took a few hits,” he explained. “So listen, Y/N, I was wondering, uh—”

She cut him off, “What are you doing right now?”

“What?”

“What are you doing right now?” she repeated.

“Um, nothing, just getting some rest” he sat up and looked around. “Why?”

“If you’re not too tired, do you maybe...”

Mark smiled, “Maybe...?”

“I don’t know, sneak out? My roof is pretty comfortable.”

Silently fist pumping, he fully stood up and nodded, “Text me the address.”

Just as quietly as he exited his room via the window, he softly landed on Y/N’s roof. Swiftly flying up and greeting him, she took the place next to him and crossed her legs. 

“You’re right, your roof is pretty comfortable,” Mark said.

She chuckled at his remark then noticed a gash by his right temple. Her brows furrowed in worry, “You have a wound,” she said, making sure not to touch it.

“Don’t worry about it,” he replied, softly holding her hand and placing it back down with his. “Totally fine.”

Those words brought her some sense of comfort as her eyes softened, causing her to unconsciously squeeze his hand. Mark’s eyes widened and he looked down at their tangled fingers, frozen for a moment.

“Is this... okay with you?” he asked.

She nodded. “Wanna lie down? Since my roof is so comfortable?” she asked with a smirk.

“Sure,” Mark chuckled, removing his hand from her’s and stretching his arm out as they lied down. Y/N rested her head on his shoulder, keeping her eyes up at the stars.

“Hey Mark?”

“Yeah?”

A moment of silence.

“Thank you for coming.”

He looked down at her as she met his eyes, “You’re welcome.” 

The two shared a smile, and Mark took a deep breath as he prepared himself for the words that were about to come out of his mouth.

It’s now or never, Mark. Now or never.

“Watching you kick ass yesterday was... really a sight to see,” he began. “You’re powerful and strong, but more importantly, brave. And you’re so fucking beautiful and kind and smart and...” Mark trailed off, sighing, “I never thought I would be in this position — with you next to me in a very comfortable rooftop under the stars.”

“Mark...”

“And I really like you. Like, really, really like you.”

“Mark.”

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, but I just wanted to let you know. It’s important that you know—”

“Mark,” she cut him off. “I like you too. A lot.”

He breathed a sigh of relief and covered his eyes with his free hand. “Oh thank god. Thank god!” he exclaimed.

Y/N shushed him, “You’re gonna wake up the neighborhood, Invincible.”

“Sorry,” he giggled quietly, “I got excited.”

She laughed and faced her body towards him. They locked eyes again, and Mark didn’t know if it was gravity or just the adrenaline that pushed him, but he finally leaned down and met her lips. Static ran through his body as he deepened the kiss, and he felt an excitement that was even more exhilarating than the first time he flew.

She pulled away and Mark ran his hand through her hair, resting his hand on her cheek. “How was that?” he asked.

She smiled gently and placed her hand over his, “Totally fine.”

[yandere-daydreams]

Title: Karma.

Pairing: Yandere!Xiao/Reader (Genshin Impact).

Word Count:  2.1k.

TW: Imprisonment, Mentions of Kidnapping, Codependence, Possessive Mindsets, Non-Consensual Touching, Physical Abuse, Slight Victim-Blaming.

Somewhere, in the back of his mind, Xiao knew that this was what he deserved.

This, all of it, everything. Whatever the world had to throw at him, all the things he’d earned over centuries of bloodshed and death and guilt that grew more crippling with each passing day. He’d come to terms with that, and if he was being honest with himself, he might admit that he was growing numb to the pain, that despite his distaste, violence didn’t seem as utterly unpalatable as it used to. He wasn’t thankful for it, he didn’t want it, but he was resigned, apathetic, too used to it to care the way he used to, when fighting left him as battered as his enemies. He'd grown accustomed to it. He’d adapted.

He just wasn’t used to this. A new sort of discomfort. A different kind of pain.

He just wasn’t used to you being the source of his karmic suffering, whether or not you realized it was quite that poetic.

He’d earned it. He knew that. He’d earned every part of his current punishment – your glare, your locked jaw, the unadulterated loathing that emanated off of you in waves, unignorable from the moment he shrugged open the heavy, wooden door to his crowded room on the inn’s top floor. He’d managed to stave off the urge to use chains, ropes, anything more solid and more restraining than an idle threat and a locked door, but you were smart enough to stay balled up in the furthest corner, your knees pulled into your chest and your eyes on the floor, narrowed with an intensity he’d only ever seen in demons, moments before their deaths. It hurt him to see, the stance too defensive not to be learned, but it was better than the alternative. He’d caught you on the balcony, once or twice, leaning over the railing or admiring the view, and…

You could’ve slipped. You could’ve tried to jump. He shouldn’t have lost his temper, but you shouldn’t have been so reckless. It’d been dangerous, even you were still too naïve to see that.

Xiao grit his teeth, shaking his head as he forced himself to focus on the matter at-hand. You didn’t move as he approached, only shrinking further into yourself, becoming something small, something timid, a form of passive resistance you’ve perfected, in the weeks since you last put up a real fight. If he was feeling any less patient, he might’ve resorted to less honorable methods, throwing you over his shoulder and dragging you through his routine of self-indulgence despite your attempts to struggle against him. He’d tried it before, broken his own promises countless times, but it was almost never worth the way you’d cry afterwards, like he’d hurt you, like he’d done anything wrong. Like you could expect him to do anything less, when you were determined to be so stubborn.

So, instead, he tried talking. Talking was more peaceful. He didn’t like talking, but you did, and he was trying to be more considerate of what you liked. “I’m back.”

He waited, but there was no response. That was fine. He was fine. He couldn’t say he’d never given you a reason to ignore him. “You’re not reading,” He tried, again, fighting to keep his voice even. You tended to flinch, whenever he got too loud. “It’d be a better use of your time than sulking around, like this.”

You didn’t look at him, your voice muffled by your self-made haven. “You keep burning my books.”

Burning? That sounded like something he would do, as an act of precaution or anger or the same petty vengeance creatures so far beneath him were so prone to. It’d probably been one of the anthologies you were so fond of – folklore hiding under the guise of real history. Usually, he didn’t pay it much mind, the liberal retellings of events no living mortal could possibly be old enough to have witnessed, but he didn’t care for it when you found value in such trash. Stories about the Adepti were far too common in Liyue literature, and you’d always been the type to ask questions, to try to pry your way into subjects you could never hope to comprehend. It was better to eliminate the problem entirely. That was how he’d survived for so long, among humans -- terminating issues before they could arise.

But, you wouldn’t understand that. And even if you did, it wouldn’t do anything to heal the wound he’d already created.

He was beginning to think nothing he tried would ever be enough to mend your anger, not when you were so content to tear at the stitching yourself.

“I said I was sorry, didn’t I?” He wasn’t sure if he had, but you didn’t correct him, only squaring your shoulders, digging your nails into your legs, going even further to block him out, push him away, isolate yourself and leave him to suffer for your insubordination. Xiao rolled his eyes, scowling to himself, but whatever irritation he could summon was quickly replaced by his exhaustion, that perpetual desire to fall into your arms and have you welcome him willingly, lovingly, the way you used to before he decided he had to ruin it. He was tempted to touch you, to reach out, to cup your cheek or wrap an arm around you or draw you close by force, rather than natural attraction, but he thought better of it, crouching by your side, instead, letting his back hit the wall with a heavy thud.

When he opened his mouth, his tongue felt heavier, his throat hoarse. Like the weight of his conscious had found yet another way to make itself known. “You hate me.”

It was a fact, like the color of the sky or the scent of the air before a storm. It was true, both of you already knew that, but you were kind enough to hesitate, lifting you head just high enough to see him. For him to see you, tiny and terrified. A trembling rabbit that knew better than to hope for mercy from a hawk. “I do.”

It stung more than it had any right to. “And there’s nothing I can do make you stop hating me.”

You laughed, at that, the sound breathy and sardonic, melodic and unabashed, akin to bird songs and wind chimes and every other beautiful thing Xiao could think of, even in its most beaten down state. He wanted to kiss you, to hold you, to deafen himself because he knew nothing would ever be half as lovely as that laugh, but you were talking before he could act on the impulse. That was for the best, really. Acting on impulse was what got him into this, and he wasn’t eager to drive you away any further. “I don’t have any other choice,” You started, your tone light, your anger softened into something playful. The kind of tender rage only you were capable of. “If I could choose not to hate you, I would. You were my friend, and if I could find any way to justify your actions, you’d still be my friend. I don’t want to think of you as anything else.” You paused, letting out a deep breath, relaxing slightly. Xiao couldn’t bring himself to celebrate the small victory. “I don’t want to hate you, but I have to. You see that, right? After everything you’ve done to me, I have to hate you.”

He deserved this, and you deserved to say it. He deserved to have his heart broken, crushed and shattered in his chest, and you deserved to be the one to break it. “I don’t want you to hate me, either.” It felt more intimate than it should’ve, a confession rather than common knowledge. You might’ve teased him for it, months ago, smiled and said something about softening him up. Now, your frown only deepened. “But, I need to do this. Your safety comes first. If something ever happened to you, I’d—”

Even in his own mind, his logic faltered. ‘If something ever happened to you’, like he hadn’t already done more damage than any monster ever could. It might’ve been more redeemable if he was honest, if he admitted he was doing this for himself, because he wanted to, because just for an hour, a minute, a few key seconds, he was idiotic enough to think he deserved to have you, permanently, whether or not you wanted to have him.

But, he couldn’t say that. He didn’t know how. His mouth wouldn’t form the right words, so he was left to say the wrong ones, his tone taking a sharp turn towards hostile as he spoke. “The door isn’t locked. I’m not keeping you here. You can leave, if you’re really that miserable.”

You shifted, and Xiao’s throat went dry. He knew the answer, and yet, it still hurt to hear it in your voice, to know you were capable of inflicting such insufferable pain. “If I try to, will you let me?”

He wouldn’t. Of course he wouldn’t, he couldn’t even tell himself he’d try. He’d hunt you down to the ends of Teyvat if he had to, spend the rest of his immortality finding you and making sure you never had the chance to do something so short-sighted again. He could make the guilt more bearable, promising himself he’d take care of you, that since he couldn’t do away with the cage entirely, he’d do his best to make your prison a comfortable one, but you’d still be unhappy, you’d still hate him. He’d hate himself, too, but that might be the one aspect of your relationship he thought he could stand. If nothing else, Xiao didn’t make himself a stranger to self-loathing.

“I love you,” He mumbled, as if that counted for anything. “So much. More than you could possibly understand.”

“I know.” You were the one to bridge the gap, this time, a hesitant hand coming to rest over his. Something in his chest tightened, and for a moment, Xiao had to wonder if it was possible for a mortal to be so cruel. “But, I don’t love you. There’s nothing you can do to change that.”

You moved to pull away, fear fading into sympathetic pity, but Xiao didn’t want your pity, he didn’t want you to go back to hiding from him, trembling and screaming and treating him like some monster, a beast waiting to lash out. That’s what he was, really, but he didn’t have to admit it. He didn’t want to admit it. He didn’t want to let himself believe he’d fallen that far, and he didn’t want to let you treat him as if he had.

His grip was too tight, a whimper escaping your parted lips as he caught you by the wrist, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, not when it was so easy to jerk you towards him, forcing you out of your pathetic, laughable shelter and into his lap, his free arm latching onto your waist before you had a chance to pull away. The remorse was reflexive, immediate and instinctual, but for the first time, he allowed himself to ignore it, to bury it underneath the pleasant warmth of your skin against his and the bliss that came with being so close to you, with burying his face in your shoulder, with indulging every necessity he’d denied himself in the name of your comfort. Your hands were already on his chest, your entire body shaking as you made a weak attempt to push him away, but Xiao was stronger than you, and he loved you so much more than you could ever hate him. This was fair. That had to be enough to make it fair.

You shifted, the air catching in your lungs, but Xiao only bared his teeth, letting pointed fangs ghost over the side of your neck before he could regret scaring you. Maybe he wanted to scare you. Maybe it’d be better, if you were scared of him. At least then, he wouldn’t have to keep playing dutiful lover. 

“Don’t move,” He snarled, and instantly, you went still. He could feel your heart racing in your chest, hear the cracked sob you failed to swallow, but he wanted this, he needed this. You’d get used to it, with time. You might even begin to appreciate the weeks he spent coddling you, once you were exposed to the alternative. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I need this. I need you to let me have this.” He paused, giving you just enough to time to stiffen, to realize he wasn’t letting go. To realize he was never letting go, even if that meant you only grew to hate him more. “I don’t care if you love me. I need you.” 

Because he’d already gotten what he deserved. He’d already suffered, anguished, submitted himself fully to karma and reaped the consequences. The lesson had been drilled into him a thousand times, by his own hand another hundred. He already knew pain.

He’d already gotten what he deserved.

For once, he wanted to know what it would be like to get what he wanted, instead.

[jjuzoir]

Realizing they’re in love | ft. Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Kuroo, Kenma & Ushijima

request: nope!

warning: none other than soft boys and a lot of blushing from their part >:)

a/n: ever since starting school i’ve been super busy and kind of down hhhh^^ it’s hard adapting to something new so! i decided to try treating myself to some fluff heheh 😼 this isn’t a request (sorry 🙇‍♂️) but i needed something to destress myself huhuh

—Oikawa

- He realizes he’s fallen in love with you when you’re the first face he searches for when the whistle blows to signal the end of the match. Tired brown eyes search around trying to locate you, his expression but a frown as doubt takes over - maybe you hadn’t come -, only to break into a smile when he finally spots you waving excitedly at him. It’s like a star exploded inside his chest, a swarm of emotions flying around his body as he takes in your appearance and waves back. Not at the crowd, but you, only you - it’s like he can’t even register there are more people around you. It’s then, as he’s surrounded by his teammates and basking in the afterglow of victory, that he realizes the face he wants to see at his games now and forever was yours.

- He can’t even excuse himself before running over to you and trying to hug you tight, it didn’t matter you were in the stands, further away from him than he’d like, it wasn’t going to stop him from swallowing you whole with his love, he’d show you that he was enough for you, no matter what.

—Iwaizumi

- It was like he was riding a high, one caused by just being near you. Not even Oikawa’s stupidity could snap out Hajime from the dream that was you. He was in a haze throughout the evening, barely even snapping at the balls being thrown at his head, surprising his teammates and coach. His mind seemingly filled with thoughts of you, your smile, your laugh, your whole being. You, to him you were like a dream, something too good to be true, how he longed to be next you - like a man in a desert would long, you were an oasis to him.

- When the final whistle blows and he’s finally free to go, he freezes once more at the sight of your smiling face and waving hand outside waiting for him. Like fireworks - a red blush bursts on his cheeks and he can feel the sparks in his stomach. It’s then when he realizes he’s fallen in love with you, he’s fallen hard, so hard, and he doesn’t want to get up.

—Kuroo

- He’d been staring at a book for the last hour or so, wordlessly flipping through the pages reading - at least, that’s what he was supposed to be doing. But nothing really made sense, everything looked like nonsensical blobs of ink now with you on his mind, the only thing that seemed to make sense was you. He groaned in embarrassment, he’d been teased about this very thing yesterday, and now he couldn’t deny it — Tetsuro loved you, very much so, to the point you seemed to be the only thing occupying his mind lately. The more he got to know and explore the world with you, the more space you took in his heart the more his thoughts seemed to run towards you, leaving him no time for anything else.

- It’s as he’s resting his head in his desk, as blood rushes to his cheeks at the thought of you, that he realizes Kenma was right — that he’d been right in calling him out for being madly in love, and even if it meant never being able to study again, he didn’t care if he seemed insane.

—Kenma

- Kenma didn’t think he’d ever fall in love - that is until he’s halfway through sorting his inventory in Animal Crossing so he can go over to your island and exchange gifts. He feels childish and doubtful when he realizes what he’s been feeling, was it really love? Can he be sure that’s what he’s feeling?, but then he sees the header that you’re about to land and it all makes sense. It’s ridiculous to him how just seeing your avatar run around his own made him giggle into his shirt, how his hands trembled ever so slightly as he dropped the items off at your feet. He was excited, he was happy, he was in cloud nine and he didn’t want cloud ten or eight he wanted to stay there and just feel like that forever, even if it felt new and strange.

- He doesn’t hate it, because he’s in love, he realizes. And it feels nice, it feels good and, if he could, he’d like to make you feel that way too.

—Ushijima

- It isn’t until it’s late at night, hours after Tendou came over to pick the manga he’d let him borrow, that the thought creeps into the young athlete’s mind. His thoughts about the conversation he’d had with the redhead, how it all seemed to come back to you. He didn’t even realize how often his conversations led back to you, how you’d swim around in his thoughts, drowning his brain with nothing but you; What was once a head filled with volleyball now seemed to be replaced with one with you. He closes his eyes, he knows he should be asleep by now, but whenever he did he could see the outline of your smile and the warmth of your love… your love, that’s something he’d like.

- He opens his eyes and it’s like suddenly a wave of heat that washes over his body at the thought of you. He decides in that moment, as he basks in the idea of you, that he’ll tell tomorrow, because he doesn’t think he wants to wait.