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theyanderespecialist · 4 years ago

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Stripper Dear 2 (One Shot) Valentino X Marie OC (Hazbin Hotel) (Yandere)

[Hello My Sexy Readers, we are here with a part two and it shows more of Val bad side. And Manipulation remember val is a rapist and no matter how much he simps he also has anger issues that does not change with a yandere he is in hell for a reason. Anyways I hope you all enjoy this chapter as well our super sexy readers]

(Marie's pov)

I roll over in the bed. It had been a week since that while fiasco. I did tell Val how I felt about how he treated others, how he treated me, and he seemed to be trying..if I was around. I have a feeling he's a douche if I'm not around. I was just happy he gave me a full week off work which left me sitting in bed, taking baths, napping, and snacking..though I'm pretty sure I've gained a pound or two, I swear they put crack in the sweets. I hear a knock as I looked up letting out a grunt as the door opened as I see Val.

"Oh hey."

"Hello hello hello, it's bright and early, and you're still in bed." He said as I looked at him.

"Mhm.. and I don't plan on leaving." I said. Of course I wasn't, since I'm staying at Val's and his beds are..god they are so comfortable.

"You know I've been thinking it's been a while.." he said smiling as I knew what he was talking about.

"Has it now?" I asked as I smirked.

"sorry, no time. I've got work."

"Wha- I'm the owner, I say you don't have work."

"Mm..I Think the shift manager and my rent say otherwise." I said smirking as I got up. "Then what was that about not leaving?" "Oh I meant I'm not leaving this room unless necessary." I said as he placed his hands on his chest.

"Oh I see, now you see me as your personal bank card. Is that it?" I look at him and smile. "Mhm, yeah." I said as I ducked under his arms as I can hear him walking after me as I smirk. I don't actually have work it's just fun to see him get desperate.

(oh god Marie did a 180. I mean to be fair if you could manipulate a powerful demon Lord into being the one desperate for you, you'd probably do the same and besides it's harmless teasing.

(She so would so would I XD)

"Well I want you o move in with me." He said suddenly and I stopped looking up at him.

"Huh?"

"You heard me, I mean you been hear a week in my mansion and I have grown accustomed to you being here and I don't want you to work as a stripper no more." He says crossing his four arms. "I don't like the idea of other demons looking at you when naked."

"What would I do then?"

He smirked. "I could think of a few things in our free time~" He purrs. "But a job you actually want to do, want to be a baker bake want to design clothes do that. I want you happy as long as other demons keep there eyes off you."

(as long as you dont make this yandere angry he is good but your cross a line and he punish you for his darling only sees that soft loving side unlike anyone else.)

I looked at him as I then smiled and sighed. "Val..and here I was trying to surprise you that I didn't actually have work." I said as I smiled.

"But I can't just not work, getting a job could take a while, I don't want to be out of work and just doing nothing." I said as he looked at me.

"You know.. I should be mad at you for lying.. but I've come to learn you like to play around, but I'm serious. Move in."

"..do I get a choice?"

"Yes. Either say yes or say yes." He said.

I looked at him and then sighed, smiling. Yes he was not giving me a choice but it was because he loves me and wants me close. But I was worried about living off of him I did not want to do that.

"Val..I don't want to live here and not contribute, I don't know if I can get another job."

"I don't care hell you can bake and use me as a model for clothes while you wait but just thinking about that those demons do." I could see he was getting jealous and I smile.

"Val.. they normally behave.. well except for one guy when I went to grab my bag yesterday." I said holding down a smirk.

"What? What happened"

"oh nothing much, just..a handsome demon came over to me..told me how good I looked.."

He grabbed me and pinned me to the wall kissing me savagely I learned fast he was the jealous and possessive type. I kissed back.

"Don't make me fire you." He growled.

I smile. "I know you would never do that, but... I will leave my job but your going to be a co owner of my bakery mr. money bags. You know how good I can bake so it won't be long until demons are flooding in. But..." I say and press my foot on his clothed cock as he had me face level with him. "I think I should earn that money from you don't you~"

He smirked at that tossing me over his shoulder and taking me to his bedroom. I mean he gave me my own room so I could adjust but I did sleep with him every night regardless just lounge in the other bed instead of his during the day.

I won't lie sex was actually still scary in fact all of this, was just from videos I found, but some of it also came from I saw him with some other girls, and they just seemed so attractive. He brought me to the room, putting me down and quickly locking the door as I sat on the edge of the bed, smiling at him as I felt both scared and excited, I mean last time was so nice.

"Mm, so, like last time?" I asked smiling, however he smirked.

"Not at all like last time~" he said as he closed the blinds. What did he mean?

"I won't lie to you I have kinks. Some very kinky kinks. And I am also a man with very high sex drive. So today we are going to push boundaries. I will be rough demanding and in charge. But I will give after care in which I reassure you on how much I love you and make sure your okay this is not to punish or hurt you. It can feel good your safety word if you truly want me to stop is toothpaste. If you say that I will do my best to stop and take care of you. Is anything off the table at the moment?" He asks towering over me.

I was stunned I heard of bdsm before. So I had an idea of where we wanted to go. "Not something to painful.... like no whips or nipple glamps..." I say blushing at the thought

"I know this is just a taste of what we will do~ not going to through you in the deep end." He says. "Strip for me~ now."

I stood up, smiling at him as I pulled off my sweater, then pulling my shirt, making sure to pull it off slowly and then my bra, letting my breasts be free, stoping for just a second to push them together as he smelled as I pulled off my skirt, letting it drop to reveal that I was in fact, not wearing underwear. Every article I took off, I made sure to make it a show. He smirked and pushed me back on the bed. Pulling his pants off along with his clothes. I bit my lip as he cock sprang free.

"Time to put that mouth to work~" He says and I nod first taking him in my hand and then stroking him slowly to get him fully hard. I then start licking up and down his cock and he moans his fist clenching. I could tell even though he took control he was letting me get comfortable enough with the taste.

He was good when he wanted to be. It was difficult, but I got a rhythm as I licked up and down, putting the tip in my mouth before pulling away to once more as I run my tongue across his shaft. I could tell he was getting antsy so I take half his cock in my mouth and almost gag it was so much. He gripped my hair and started to fuck my mouth but was careful to not go to far down my throat. I sucked and made sure he felt just as good swallowing around his thick meat. I knew I wouldn't really be able to take all of it immediately, but I could tell he was loving it.. and I was happy about it. I let out a choked moan as I let him take the lead, my hands stroking what wasn't in my mouth,gagging occasionally but neither of us pulled away.

I was soaking the bed spread with how wet I was. He was close I could feel him twitching in my mouth but he pulled out and came all over my face. I gasp and cough slightly for air and some of his kids got in my mouth. I pant as I catch my breath. That..was actually really fun.. and based on his face, he wasn't done. He lifts me up and pins me to the bed before hand cuffing me to it. I gasp as he does so then he smirked at me and I shudder.

"w-w-what are you planning to do?" I asked, I was a little nervous.

"I am going to fuck you senseless and your not going to be able to stop me." He says and then lines up with me and I do everything to relax for the penetration.

Yet I felt excitement at those words... and he noticed. "my oh my, look at how wet you are."

I lets his tongue roll out and I did not realize how long it could get he barely had to get close to my woman hood to lick my pussy and I cried out. God that tongue of his~~

"Oh god~ Oh yes~" I moan

He chuckles and smirks.

I thrust up into his mouth. "P-Please! Pl-Please~!"

He smirked more and shoved his tongue in. My eyes roll into the back of my head as I moan thrusting my hips more as I feel his tongue hitting inside of me. I groaned as he worked it in deeper filling me to the brim with his tongue

I pant as I could feel every small movement, my hands turning to fists as I dig my nails into my palms as I moan. God...I mean of this was what Val was like..I can't imagine Stolas..oh that's...that's kind of hot.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!" He snarled ripping his tongue out of me.

Shit I never seen him like this. Stolas was one of my regulars and he was even taller than Val. I did not mean to make him angry but I knew I crossed a line accidentally saying that out loud.

"i-I-I didn't- I-I didn't mean him! Val.." I said even having to try and shrink back, the tone in his voice..

"Val look at me, I didn't mean he w-was hot. I didn't mean him-Val please you're scaring me wh-when you look at me like that.." I whimper.

He pins me to the bed. "You are mine!" He says leaving bruises. "I Never EVER Want you to want another man or woman! You belong to me I loved you first and I am not loosing you!"

I nodded and started to cry and that is when his grip soften. "Oh baby I did not mean to scare, I just hate that you were thinking of another man when I was making love to you.... Or were you trying to make me jealous you minx~"

(Eddie that you? XD)

I look at him. I really wasn't, in fact if anything, I was trying to say Stolas would be too big for me... Val was ..also too big for me but, it wasn't too uncomfortable.. but I think, the best thing to do is play along though I was still to scared to speak as I could only nod.

"Well then I will just have to remind you how much I adore you and that you are mine and I will always only want you~"He says and starts to suck on my neck.

I moaned he knew what spots to hit to make me wet. I have to remember he loves me and I did think of another man while we were making love.

(Valentino's POV)

(Yeah he is a simp but you make him angry you better hope you can pull off making him jealous. Other wise. He will punish you and not in the fun way That is the type of yandere he is)

I graze my teeth over her neck as she would shudder, I could feel the goosebumps on her thigh. "i-I really am sorry..I-It sounded much more like a joke in m-my head.. I'm sorry..boss." she apologized through her moans.

(I mean you bruised her, without her consent dude, that ain't rough play, that's you hurting her.)

(Yeah dude you might be hot but you are toxic.)

"I am not your boss, I am your boy friend and lover, please call me Val." I say and kiss her bruised shoulders.

She looked at me. "O-Okay..V-Val." she said softly as I smile. "Now, I am sorry about bruising you..I wouldn't ever want to mark your skin..at least not n anger." I said as she looked at me. "N-No it's okay, I-I understand why you did it..why don't you let me make up for it?" She asked as I smirk.

"As hot as that is..."I said kissing her. "I think I need to make sure you know not to ever bring another man or woman up again~" I said as I flipped her over on her stomach as she couldn't really get up because of the handcuffs as I angle and thrust in as she cried out. Though..there's something that's so lovely seeing her face in such an intimate moment, doing this position is hot~ besides it really is a more dominating position than having her ride me.

"I won't take you anally not yet, that is saved for some other time. But I am going to be rough, just remember the safety work~" I say and start to thrust into her she cries out but moans soon.

After my five decades of sex all the time I found how to pleasure a woman or man or non binary person with ease. Being Pansexual also helped.

I'd know of she was in pain, that's why I stopped grabbing her. She managed to move her arms so that despite being handcuffed she could grab the headboard as she moaned from under me

I smirked she was such a naughty little slut trying to tease me. I continue to fuck her senseless she came two more times on my cock and I came once as well only to start up again she was a panting mess shaking on my cock.

"Val please~! HARDER~!" She begs.I smirk at that, this was the first genuine beg for me to go harder on her. "Oh I don't know....I think we've had quote enough fun." I tease pulling out. Course I wouldn't actually say no bit she looked at me shocked before she spread her legs, and continued to do so until she was in a full side split...

I stared at her shocked my cock becoming aching hard.

I.. I didn't know she was actually flexible..

"Well~? Aren't you going to keep going?" She asked."or...maybe you want to have my legs over my shoulders~?

I was in shock but did not waist another second. I had her pinned down and Started to fuck her senseless once more. I broke the hand cuffs and flip her over wrapping my arms around her.

She moaned loudly as she wrapped her arms around me, embracing me tightly as we both got lost in the moment. We both came together and I fell next to her.

“I love you Marie! So damn much!” I pant out

(and that's when she knew... she fucked up)

(XD Never sleep with a yandere life lessons not ones like Val at the very least XD)

She panted as she looked at me. "I-I.. yeah.." I look at her as I laugh. "Oh come on, you're not that tired that you can't think of anything else.".

She then smiled. "I love you too val.." she said. Man.. she must really be tired, I don't blame her. I grab her and pull her closer, her back presses against me as I lay my head down and close my eyes. I think a nap..is well deserved.

I am not going to loose her especially not to that bastard stolas.

[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS And SNIFF SNIFF Do we smell another a sequel the answer is yassss we are going to show how This with Val is not a healthy relationship and how with someone like Stolas is more healthy I mean a relationship with a demon is still not so good. But it is better than Val. Anyways We hope you all enjoyed and stay sexy our friends!]

#yandere #yandere valentino #yandere hazbin hotel #yandere one shot #one shot #part 2 #hazbin hotel #valentino #valentino x oc

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whattodowithace · 4 years ago

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Let Them See (Jun)

Title: Let Them See

Pairing: Jun x Reader

Genre: Spice

Word Count: 1.1K Words

Writer: Whattodowithkpop

*****

The movie lights up the room, revealing the two bodies sprawled out on the couch. They stare blankly at the screen, having lost interest in the movie a long time ago. The rest of the boys had left to go get some late night snacks, leaving just Jun and I on the couch. I wasn’t sure why they decided to leave the two of us alone, but I wasn’t complaining, Jun and I always got along well.

“When are they coming back?” I whine as I drastically fall onto Jun’s lap.

He adjusts himself to make it more comfortable for me to lie on him, placing his hand on my ribs to rest his hand that had previously been resting on his leg.

Jun sighs as he supports his shoulder on the arm rest, his head being held up by his fist as he continues to watch the screen. “I dont know, they probably ditched this boring movie.”

“I thought this was supposed to have won an oscar.” I groan out as I look up to Jun, watching the tv light up his features. His eyes were half idled, feeling the effects of sleep from how boring the movie was. His jaw was tightened as it rested on his knuckles. His lips were pursed as his mind drifted someplace else to distract him from the awful movie.

I had always though Jun was attractive, you’d be blind to think otherwise. Not only were his looks handsome, but he was one of the sweetest people on the planet. He took great care of his family, his members included. He always put others before himself and I always admired him for it. There had always been some tension, but it wasnt enough for either of us to do anything about it. We enjoyed each other’s company without the heavy stuff. But for some reason, in this moment, my stomach started to burn. The feeling of his hand on my ribs and the way his face was deep in thought made me want to jump him in that moment. I suck in a breath, turning my head to look at the screen, trying to distract myself from what my gut was telling me.

“Are you okay?” Jun asks with concern, curse him and his caring ways.

I dont look at him, for fear that my eyes would give away my desires to him. “Hmmm? Yea, I’m fine.”

I could feel his stare on me, making my body heat up in nervousness. His hand trails up my body, reaching my forehead where he lays his hand over it. “You feel hot.” He tells me in concern.

“I’m really fine.” I cough out, trying to hide the way my voice was cracking.

I was scolding myself in my head, I had been fine all these years, why was tonight the night my heart decided to begin this terror. Jun’s hand grabs my chin, gently tilting it to face him. His brown eyes held deep concern as he leaned closer in, trying to find the reasoning to my odd behavior. His face was inches from mine and he didnt realize what he was doing, but my heart was beating out of my chest. I quickly sit up, clearing my throat awkwardly.

“Sorry.” I laugh quietly. “You’re like a personal heater.” Jun looks at me in a questioning manner, his bottom lip finding a home between his teeth before he asks a question.

“Are you blushing?” The question was so quiet I almost didn’t hear it.

“What?” I squeak out before waving my hand defensively. “No, why would I be blushing?”

“I just…” He trails off, his eyes looking to the floor. “It looks cute on you, the blush I mean.”

This of course makes me blush more. “Jun, I said I wasnt blushing.” I huff.

Jun leans closer to me, making me back up against the opposite arm rest. His body crawls over mine, hovering over me. He rests his body on his elbow, his chest against mine as he smiles through his lip bite.

“Are you blushing because of me?” He asks as he looks down to my lips before darting back to my eyes.

“I’m, I’m not blushing.” I stutter out, forcing myself to keep eye contact with him.,

He leans his head down to my neck, blowing hot air onto the skin, causing goosebumps to rise there. His nose lays against my neck, making my body heat up instantly.

“I like how your body reacts to me.” He whispers as he kisses the side of my neck gently, his hot breath continuing to fan over my skin. My breath hitches and my body tilts up into his on instinct, making him let out a deep chuckle. He lifts his head to come face to face with me, his nose brushing against mine. He gently lays his lips on top of mine, an electric shock shooting through my body. I bring my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. I pull away suddenly, feeling nervous about what was happening.

“I’m sorry, are you sure-“ I begin to ask, getting cut off by Jun’s mouth crashing against mine. He reaches his hand behind my back, pushing my back to arch off the couch, my stomach flush with his. His hand finds his way under my shirt, his fingertips running across the skin gently, tracing my bra outline with his index finger.

“Jun.” I let out breathlessly, his mouth still reaching for mine after I pull way. “They’re going to come back.”

“Let them see.” He grunts out impatiently, pushing our lips together again. He uses his hand under my shirt to sit us upright, him sitting on the couch with me straddling his legs. He grabs my wrists gently, guiding them behind my back to restrain them there with one hand. I sigh out as a small twinge of pain shoots through my arms at the initial discomfort. Jun pulls me forward by my thigh until he cant pull me any closer. His hand slides up my shirt again, caressing my side as he leans up to kiss me again. His thumb rubs rough circles into my side as his lips gently kiss mine. The gentleness from his lips again the roughness of his hands has my brain fuzzy.

“Maybe we should move into a different room.” He suggest as he pulls away, looking up at me.

“God, please.” I whimper. Jun stands us up, my legs wrapping around his torso as both of his hands hold me up.

“They shouldn’t have been gone so long.” He jokes as he carries off into his bedroom.

MASTERLIST

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hobiwonder · 5 years ago

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crazy rich asians | 01

Genre: Chaebol!BTS. maid!reader. Smut, fluff. mild angst.

Pairing: Jin x reader, Jimin x reader, Hoseok x reader, Yoongi x reader. Possible future pairings.

Warnings for this chapter: language. brief mention of oral sex. Kissing !!!

Words: 9k+

Summary: You overhear something you shouldn’t. Now some of the country’s most powerful - and rich - men would do anything to keep you quiet.

a/n: i turned it into a fic as requested!!! ngl…. am worried how people will receive this lol. This will be a short series. no major angst so don’t worry. i hope you guys like it bc i really enjoyed writing it. please let me know what you think n feed my motivation bubble so i dont take months to finish this ajdubejekbfjk.

This was odd. Jin’s eyebrows furrowed – which he was strongly against since premature wrinkles were one of his biggest fears. He was closer to thirty than twenty so his concerns were valid. Jimin almost never visited his childhood home ever since their father got engaged to the secretary – another clich�� – a few months ago.

“Hm… what changed your mind little brother.” Jin mutters as he passes the sleek Mercedes that belongs to his younger brother. Nevertheless, he can’t help the sly smirk that fights his muscles and spreads across his porcelain skin. He couldn’t wait to rub it in Jimin’s face that he finally returned when his bank account dried out. Most likely.

The plethora of house staff greeting Jin as he walked along the indoor fountain, trying to acknowledge most of them. They had too many servants and it wasn’t Jin’s fault that he didn’t care about most of them. But it was hard when they all looked so sheepish like they had some wretched secret they were supposed to hide but failed.

“Good Afternoon Sir, what brings you here?” Jin’s long legs are no match for the shorter man who usually took care of everything in the manor so he’s a little breathless as he Jogs besides him.

“To my own house? Where I lived for 20 years?” This really was becoming a strange day.

“A-Ah no sir. I meant no disrespect just wanted to be prepared to accommodate you accordingly.”

“Okay,” This was officially starting to annoy him and the furrow in his forehead was getting deeper. He would not get wrinkles because his servant annoyed him in to it. “Alfred… Anders… Andrew. Whatever your name is, I don’t need to announce my arrival at my own home. On second thought, maybe I should.”

The idea is very appealing as he swirls the thought in his head and it’s enough to make him forget the butler’s calls as he enters Jimin’s private wing. He isn’t surprised though when he already hears faint moans but not of a woman for once. It’s undoubtedly Jimin which is again – peculiar because getting off himself wasn’t something Jimin liked to do if he had ‘several other women ready to do it for me’ if quoting him directly. He guesses there is only one way to find out as he approaches the living area, looking at the back of his head resting on the enormous lounge sofa.

“Well hello there brother!” His tongue doesn’t form anymore words when he can finally see Jimin in his line of view – and his father’s fiancé frantically buttoning her blouse to retain some of her dignity. Jimin on the other hand is taking his sweet time tucking himself inside his slacks – shaking his head in disbelief as if Jin’s caused him immense grief.

“…and Amber.” Jin is no stranger to walking in on his brother – or friends really – indulging in all sorts of debauchery but this – this was quite interesting and to put it simply, messy. “Well, well, well. Did you come back to sleep with our step-mother or actually missed your family, god forbid?”

Jimin is no more rattled than a sloth as he runs his hands through his silky golden hair and smacks Amber’s ass as she’s still fiddling with her blouse. “A bit of both.”

“I-I didn’t know you’d b-be back so quick Jin-ah.” Her pearly white teeth that his father paid way too much for are almost blinding him. Yeah he’s not that bored today to play along with her games so he opts for just a dry smile. This was no surprise to him. Especially when the first person she had a fling with in this household was, well, Jin himself.

“Clearly. Thankfully you know father won’t be home until late. Run along now. I’ve got to catch up with your son.” Okay, that one’s on him. He liked to rub it in her face.

“Step-son.” She’s positively seething and Jin couldn’t be more delighted.

“Ooh. Naughty aren’t you? I knew you were always in a bit of incest.”

Jimin’s snort and Amber’s scoff come at the same time but at least it makes her on her way, heels clicking as she’s strutting away.

“I gave the staff one job and they couldn’t even do that.” Jimin walks towards the liquor cabinet, pouring himself a whiskey at 12 in the afternoon – bringing a smile to his face. He did miss his little brother.

“To keep me from finding Amber swallowing your unborn children?

“Thank fuck for that. I’m not ever going to be ready for kids.”

“Understandable. Considering you are one.” Jin’s shit eating grin makes Jimin pour another glass which he drowns in a second too.

“Please tell me how many ‘kids’ you know who’re worth half a billion dollars?”

Not a trick question.

“Almost all of our friends? Plus, we’re brothers you maggot. And I’m worth more.” His stance widens as he splays his feet out in some sort of power pose.

“What now? You want us sword fighting?” Jimin’s glancing to his crotch before he continues, “I’ll win because somebody didn’t let me finish.” Yes, very evident from the hard tent in his slacks.

“No need to resort to unsanitary methods. Talking will do.” He’s waving his hand in dismissal, watching Jimin taking a seat opposite – absolutely no attempts at hiding his boner. “So, what brings you back? Thought you were up in the Bahamas getting tanned and toned and weren’t due back for a few more weeks?”

“Correct but that was until father announced his surprise engagement.” Jimin is on his third glass of whiskey but looks more sober than a priest.

“Is there anything he does these days that isn’t a surprise? I found out I was moving houses from the real estate agent for god’s sake.” That makes Jimin snort out a laugh.

“Christ. He’s a bastard isn’t he?” Jimin had been in boarding school still when Jin had been effectively moved out of the manor in to a skyscraper penthouse because his father had wanted to ‘relax by himself and no kids’. As if he raised them on his own.

“Yup. Turns out he just needed the house to be snitch-free to fuck his secretary/future step-mom.” Plus he was still going through the divorce with their mother.

“I can understand why.” Jimin’s closing his eyes, heading leaning back again as a sultry smile spreads on his youthful face as if he’s reminiscing an irreplaceable memory. “Amber can make you forget you own name.”

“Right?” Jin is letting his inner, less sophisticated horny teenager alter ego slip through as he agrees with his brother about what a good lay their step-mom is.

“You already tap that?” When Jin just winks in Jimin’s direction, he’s clapping and chuckling like he can’t believe it.

“You’re no better than me brother and please, don’t take that as an insult. No offense at all.”

“None taken.” For a moment Jimin truly feels slightly happier. Looking at his brother and remembering sitting across from him while they talked about everything when they were younger and thought they had a chance at becoming people different than their father or their whole family. He had everything. They both had everything. There wasn’t one thing that either of them lacked or desired. So needless to say, their lives were a little grey and lacked excitement. Money though. That never failed to give him a hard-on.

Seeing his brother also made him happy, sure.

“Remember when we were playing in father’s office that one time he left it unlocked?” Jimin continues when Jin nods slowly, “And remember when we were rummaging through the drawers we found a safe and tried to break into it before Anderson caught us?”

“I knew it! He looked like an Anders.” When Jimin just blankly stares at him he mutters an apology and tells him to continue.

“Anyway. I went back and broke in to the safe.”

“Of course you did,” Jin is rolling his eyes but not finding it surprising that his little brother, ever the inquisitive little cat, went back to do exactly what he was told to notdo.

“No, listen,” Jimin’s eyes are increasingly growing frantic as he shifts forward, abandoning his glass of whiskey and Jin knew that this was something juicy. “There were papers inside the safe. Granddad’s will. I made copies.”

“Wait, you told me there was a bunch of cocaine and ecstasy. Nothing else.” Jimin shrugs once again to ask what was his point.

“And?”

“And you stole the papers but not the drugs? My teenage self hates you so much right now.”

“And that poor bastard should be thankful I looked in to the papers otherwise you would become penniless. Very soon.”

What was Jimin trying to say. “Get to the point Jimin. What about Grandpa’s will?”

Jin’s palms were becoming sweaty and a little tick in his left leg had already started and was about to become a full blown restless leg syndrome like a pathetic little office worker worried about losing a promotion.

“Well,” Jimin is moving across the room to sit beside his older brother, turning his lithe body to the side facing him as he starts to explain. “Grandad’s will stated that we were to receive 10% of our inheritance every year starting at the age of 35. Unless father remarried.”

The mention of money always sped up Jin’s heartbeat. It raced in his chest like he was about to win the lottery. Maybe he was?

“What then… ?” Jimin’s Cheshire grin slowly lighting up his whole face was never a good sign. Until now apparently.

“If he remarried before we turned 35, we are to receive our inheritance. In full. At once.”

Jin really felt like his heart would beat out of his chest. Because that was a lot of money.

“That’s-”

“$10 billion.” There was a slight pause as Jimin eagerly awaited his brother’s reaction.

“I think I just had a powergasm.” Jimin is chuckling as he slaps Jin’s back, shaking his older brother out of joy as they both start to gradually laugh louder. Is this how supervillains felt? Jin’s never laughed like this before and it’s no surprise that it’s money that’s doing the trick. Poor people wouldn’t understand.

That’s when another realisation occurs. “That’s why he kicked me out of the house. Because he was going to get engaged and couldn’t risk us retaliating and finding this bit of information out.”

“Precisely big brother.”

“Fuck…. We’re going to be rich as fuck.”

“If he doesn’t figure out a way to get that clause crossed from the will.” Jimin seems a bit nervous for the first time since he had started talking.

But Jin wasn’t. Not when he had people on his side who would love to make some money as well. Well, more money. He wasn’t friends with poor people.

“Don’t worry about it. You still in contact with Taehyung?” Jimin looks at his older brother with a ‘duh’ face.

“You still have a dick?” Jin’s just rolling his eyes as he calls the first number under ‘Y’.

“What?”

“Hello to you too, Min. Say, you want to become rich?” Yoongi on the other end is snorting before he speaks with his signature lazy drawl.

“I’m already rich, you bitch. But I’m having a down day anyway. Tell me more.”

Jin is smirking towards his brother, his body is buzzing and this is the most excited he;s been a while.

“Meet at my place with the other boys. At 2. Lunch is on me.”

“Yes because I desperately need someone to shout me lunch.” He’s had enough of Yoongi’s sarcasm so he just hangs up.

“Well Jimin, lets go get our billions.” Jimin hands his older brother a glass of whiskey before they make a toast.

“Amen.” Jin furrows his brows again.

“You believe in god now?”

“After seeing Amber’s tits? Yeah.”

“Oh hello there. Eavesdropping were we?” A man is leaning against the wall behind you, hands in his pockets while he looks at you head to toe, two small dimples appearing when he grins rather…. cutely you might add.

“U-Uh, n-no?” The handsome stranger is only shaking his head as he walks towards the door where the two brothers had gone in to only half an hour ago.

“Be careful next time little maid.” You hold in the scoff until he disappears inside the room.

“You guys have better discussed Amber’s ass and nothing else of importance because of the audience outside. The pretty little thing Anders hired.

“How does everyone know his name and not me? You don’t even live here Hoseok.” Jin’s scoffing while Jimin worries about the real problem.

“Fucking hell. The staff in this house is more loyal to our father than their own families. What do we do?”

“Leave that to me. Girls never kiss and tell when they’re with me.” with a wick, Hoseok is settling on the couch as well. “Just transfer me $50 million when you both get the money.”

Oh boy. Being rich was hard.

You were screwed. Or at least it looked like you were. Even though you'd been hired months ago - it was not usual to see the 'house Masters' (that's what Anders had called them anyway so you stuck with it). In fact you could count on one hand how many times you'd seen Kim Seokjin around the mansion. though he didn't live here so that wasn't too surprising at first but you did think that he would at least regularly visit his father. the numerous articles written about this family portrayed them as loyal as you can be to your own blood. What behind closed doors however, was a different story.

The eldest son rarely visited his father and his father, your employer, was even more of a rare sight around the Manor. In the three months you'd worked here, you'd seen Mr. Kim twice. And one of those times was when the annual Christmas dinner was hosted. But even for that, the youngest son, Jimin had not been present. So seeing the new face around the Manor today had confused you very much. But the way his perfectly sculpted features, luscious and shiny - oh god was it shiny - hair had told you that he belonged to this family. How close he was? You weren't sure. Until now.

Now that you'd been caught listening in to the scheming going behind the closed doors. He was the youngest son that was asked about a thousand times at the Christmas dinner and each time both, the father and the son, evaded the questions like experts. He was as handsome as the rest of the family so it didn't surprise you much when you found out his identity. Especially when the future house mistress had been lead in to the room by him, all smiles and charming demeanour. You'd naively thought that the step-mother and son - though she looked too good for her age as all rich people did - had quite a close relationship even though this was the first time you were seeing Master Jimin home. Until the moaning had sounded obnoxiously out in the hallway. Anders had tried his best to get to be anywhere other than cleaning the massive hallway that all the rooms connected to but in the end, you'd gravitated towards the noises. Knowing it was wrong for you to listen but not being able to help yourself. The young master's voice was so melodic, so serene, you were almost forgetting that the said noises weren't as innocent as the emotions they were evoking in you.

Your heart had sped up and your fingers had tugged down your uniform subconsciously at the erotic noises emitting from the room. Imagining yourself to be on the giving end of the scenario playing out in the room. But your fantasies had been broken when you'd hear Anders and Mr. Kim's older son's booming voice coming down the hallway. Quickly ducking back in to one of the rooms you were supposed to start dusting in, you'd only caught glimpse of the incredibly handsome Kim Seokjin reprimanding Anders for making him feel unwelcome in his own home. Though you felt for the poor old man. He was nice and looked after you more than you had expected. And the amount of work he had to see through was incredible and you were amazed at how he never failed to complete each and every one of his tasks. Except keeping Mr. Kim out of the young master's room that is. You'd heard the cheeky tone in Jimin's voice when he'd asked Anders to make sure that no one disturbs them. You'd thought stupidly that maybe they wanted to spend quality time with each other since Jimin was back home after a long time. And they spent quality time alright. The noises were a testament to that.

You were suddenly feeling the nervous butterflies in your stomach at the prospect of Jimin being found out by his older brother. And with his step mother no less. Like youwere the one doing something that scandalous. Craning your neck you'd tried to hear, maybe yelling? You'd assumed - wrongly, again - that the older master Kim would be horrified at finding out the debauchery going on inside the room but all you'd seen was a ruffled Amber - you think that's her name from the moans at least - and then joyous laughter which could only mean the brothers meeting. Rich people were bizarre. Did they not have any morals? Nothing settling uneasy in their conscience?

Not that you were any better because you were plainly eavesdropping and that was not how your mother raised you. Though she didn't raise you that much at all in all honesty. But she was quick to correct your mishaps or seemingly 'dishonest' activities. That was all she did really. Mostly your grandmother raised you until you were kicked out at the ripe age of 18 by your mother to 'find your own way' like her crack addicted self told you. She preached but never practiced her own self-righteous attitude more than when she needed to keep you under control. Though your visit down the memory lane is interrupted when your ears catch on to what the two men inside were talking about. The words 'cocaine' catch your attention - it was your mother's favourite at one point. Listening on further was just pure coincidence. But boy oh boy. What were you hearing? Were they going to possibly.... hurt someone for even more money? How much more could they want? They already had enough of it. You didn't realise the pout that had been on your face while you listened to the two brother calling a friend for some 'help'.

Not until someone was clearing their throat behind you, damn near making you knock your head against the wall you had been absentmindedly wiping for the hundredth time. Initially - for the millisecond of the reaction time you had available - you thought Anders would be the one to catch you and for some reason, you weren't as scared. Hence the sheepish smile on your face when you turn around to face whoever it was that had caught you so blatantly trying to listen to whatever was happening. Though your smile - as well as your heart - drops instantly when you see an unfamiliar face in front of you, yet again. And once again - the stranger is handsome, incredibly so. In fact, the toothy grin he's beaming your way is nearly blinding. His white teeth - definitely not natural, though you wouldn't be surprised if they were - smiling up at you as he leant against the wall besides you. How did you not hear him? His body was lithe and somehow you're not surprised that he snuck up on you so easily. Nonetheless, he did and you were in major trouble. He was good-looking enough for you to figure out that he probably belonged in the two master's circle.

“Oh hello there. Eavesdropping were we?” The man is leaning against the wall behind you, hands in his pockets while he looks at you head to toe, two small dimples appearing when he grins rather…. cutely you might add.

“U-Uh, n-no?” The handsome stranger is only shaking his head as he walks towards the door where the two brothers had gone in to only half an hour ago.

"No! Uh I mean. N-No... that's what I mean." You're hoping the desperation in your eyes gives him a hint that you rather not get in to trouble.

“Be careful next time little maid.” His smirk doesn't dissolve. In fact, it seems to get wider. Most likely being able to tell how hard you're trying to make it seem like you were doing the right thing. Definitely not eavesdropping. The handsome stranger is only shaking his head as he walks towards the door where the two brothers had gone in to only half an hour ago. Still watching you.

But alas, your mind malfunctions and the only thing you can think of is to get out of there. Too many good looking men you've seen to last you a decade. You're scurrying away back to the room you were originally supposed to be in and you can hear his chuckle even as you go further down the hallway to the room.

Slumping against the wall, your hand clutches just above where your heart should be. You were sofired. There was no way that whoever this was would not mention you lurking outside the room. Who was he anyway? Oh well, not that you would get to find out because you were stupidly caught eavesdropping. Eavesdropping! How cliché. It was impossible to focus on your work knowing that you will be in immense trouble. Pacing back and forth, rehearsing excuses and explanations to give Anders on why you were outside of your given area. And caught by a guest no less. From what you'd gathered about the older Kim son - he couldn't care less about your presence in the house.

One time he'd come in the living area, stayed for over two hours without acknowledging that you were even in the room. In fact, when Anders had called out to you to return to lend a hand at the kitchen is when he'd looked up at you as if it was the first time he was hearing a name that wasn't his own. Even then, he'd only looked at you for a mere few seconds before going back to the book he'd been reading.

But the newcomer - or old you guess, you'd only just started working after all - you weren't sure how he'd react to finding out your roaming outside his room. Surely, he would be just as aloof and uncaring of a mere maid as you, right? Maybe not if the handsome stranger told him about how well you'd been listening to the conversation inside. Oh lord. This was the only job that paid enough for you to send home and also keep a roof over your head. What were you going to do? You minded your own business but the one day curiosity got you was when you've been caught. Just your luck. Your mother was right. Your curiosity will be your end. And seems like it will be now as well judging from the sound of the doors opening from the young master's suite and several pairs of footsteps coming towards the room you were in.

Your limbs moving like lightning, making sure each and every one of the vases was picked up and dusted through thoroughly - it's obvious you're trying to look as occupied as possible. A few seconds later, the footsteps stop right outside the room you're in and your heart might as well have stopped pumping blood through your body as well with the way your temperature drops from the impending doom. Had they told on you already? Was Anders also outside the door? If he was alone you could've tried to weasel your way out of such a mishap but you doubt the you could even let out a squeak between the three intimidating men.

To your demise, when the men enter the room - Anders is nowhere to be found. The two brothers and the third stranger who had caught you stand in the doorway looking all too.... nerve-racking (for you). Instantly you know that theyknow how nervous you are. Nervous of losing the only source of income that was enough to sustain you. The older of the two brothers is looking at you up and down, slowly and calculating. Like it's the first time he's seeing you. Someone like you at least. Some who wasn't at the same calibre as he. Even his gaze makes you feel poor. Inferior.

Thought it doesn't seem to be intentional. He was inspecting you like you were an enigma when in reality he was the one clad in all sorts of bling you were sure you would only see in the movies. Being so focused and aware of Seokjin, you'd almost forgotten about the two other men in the room. While the stranger leant against the wall like he had earlier, Jimin had taken a seat on the large sofa a few meters away from you. Crossing his, muscular you might add, thighs. Getting comfortable with one of his arms splayed on the back of the cushions while the other rested on the hand rest - completely at ease. The exact opposite of you. While Seokjin was all curious eyes, Jimin seemed to be looking at you with sly eyes, blatantly checking out your frumpy uniform and the duster in your hand. The smirk you'd seen in the morning still ever present on his face.

Never having been in a room with an attractive man such as Seokjin himself - let alone three - you're about ready to faint.

"Are you boys going to start or shall I?" The stranger spoke first. Voice breezy like they were about to have a conversation about the weather with you.

your eyes must still be opened wide when Jimin speaks up. "Relax Hoseok hyung, let the girl breathe first. You okay sweetheart?"

His saccharine sweet tone instantly soothes some of the nerves and the smile he sends your way, the wrinkles appearing around his round eyes making you feel all warm inside.

"U-Uh, wh-what? Oh I-I'm-" The elder cuts you off however. Seemingly not being able for you to finish up your stuttering. Hm, he definitely wasn't as nice as the other two.

"Anyway, what were you doing outside master Jimin's wing, little one?" The nickname makes your face redder than it was, feeling your blood rush in your head suddenly. Never did you think that the sons of your employer would actually refer to themselves as 'master'. You definitely guessed wrong. At least Jimin hadn't. You reallydid like him better even if he was about to fire you.

And guess what you do next? Sabotage yourself even further of course. Your mouth has no filter when you're nervous because the words come stumbling out before you can stop yourself.

"I heard your plan to get money from your dad!" The words almost sound like a really long, poorly pronounced word. A breath leaves you in a rush like you' been holding it in for a while after your word vomit. "Or w-well I guess.... m-more money."

The last words are whispered almost to yourself but the way the men are now widening their eyes at you - you know they heard every word.

"Excuse me?" The handsome stranger - Hoseok, now you know - fills the defining silence with the most endearing laughter you've heard in your small life-time just as Seokjin's incredulous tone has you shrinking back in to yourself.

"And what do you suppose... you will do with that information, hm?" Jimin slowly gets up from his place on the couch, straitening his dress pants. The Cheshire smirk still upturning the corners of his mouth as he stalks towards you. Slow, with purpose, to undoubtedly make you more nervous than you were feeling surrounded by him and his older brother standing adjacent to you.

"I-I... I won't say a-anything." You're taking a deep breath before you say the next words - gathering all the courage that you were able to. About to do something you never dreamed you would have to. "If you don't f-fire me."

Even though you are outright blackmailing these chaebol brothers and with a witness present, you can't help the frown creasing your forehead at your unethical actions. Who were you blackmailing people that can probably have your existence removed from this earth?! They certainly had enough money for it.

"And if we do fire you, little one?" The screech that leaves your throat at the unexpected closeness of Seokjin as he leans his head down. Close enough that you instinctively take a step back as his deep coal orbs bore in to yours - challenging you to respond.

"I-I-I um," you gulp, looking anywhere but his intense eyes that won't let you breathe. "I'll tell y-your father!"

Your reply is defiant but nowhere near as threatening as you'd wanted it to be. In all honesty, you just want to keep your job. Seokjin's eyebrows shoot upwards at your feigned bravery and the bold claim. How would you even get in touch with his father?

You'd only ever seen him from a distance in person. Here's to hoping they don't call you on your bluff.

"Oh will you now?" His head tilts almost menacingly, still staring right down at you. The arms that come around to wrap themselves around you are purely in instinct. You were out of your depth here and desperately hoping they'd forget about this and ignore you. You were a mere house staff and a very lowly one at that.

Surely they won't fall to your words. This was stupid and you were doomed. You're about ready to apologies when Jimin speaks making your head snap towards him.

"Calm down, brother." His smile is then directed at you. "What's your name darling?"

"Y-Y/n." Your brain was on auto-pilot and you just wanted to be out of trouble.

"Well, y/n, don't worry." Jimin is close enough that you can smell his cologne. It smells heavenly and you almost want to sniff as much as you can to take in the smell while it's there. "Our mouths are barred," head leaning down just as Seokjin had been earlier, "as long as yours is."

Jimin was smooth. Slick and smooth with his hypnotic eyes, euphonious voice and tranquil words making sure you were listening. Comprehending every word. You're nodding along with him - actions a little quivery. Until another thought pops up in your head.

"W-What if h-he dobs me in?" Your head gestures towards Hoseok's animatedly in your nervous state. Completely missing the chuckle that sounds from the accused.

Jimin is biting his bottom lip, holding himself back from flat out laughing in your face probably.

"Don't you worry, sweetheart. We're all bounded in this contract. Deal?" He's nodding at you, prompting you to nod your understanding as well.

Seokjin is still scrutinising you, stepping back now that Jimin had taken over. You glance in Jimin's eyes before nodding once again - much more firmly.

"Excellent. Shall we seal this deal?" He looks around to Hoseok who just gestures with his hand 'as you wish' with a grin similar to Jimin's. It's like they're all communicating in some symbolic language that goes above your head. Seokjin doesn't respond but now stand besides Jimin.

When Jimin is looking back at you, a singular eyebrow raised - you nod as well. "O-Okay."

Hastily, you're wiping your clammy hands on your uniform to bring it forward and shake his hand. That's what he meant right?

The golden haired boy only smirks at your outstretched hand as his gaze falls back to your reluctant face. Your nerves are settling slightly when his arm is making its way to you as well - thanking god above that this was going to be over soon.

Until the said hands bypasses yours waiting to shake his and settles on the wall beside your head and your own eyes watch its descent. Before you can ask any questions or even make sense of what's happening, your head is tilted backwards slightly when a pair of voluptuous lips take their residence on your own. The noise of surprise leaving the back of your throat is the only other heard in the otherwise quiet room. Your hand instinctively going to grab at the arms caging you between them.

Jimin's kiss is all consuming, his lips gently sucking yours in the most unwavering embrace. Embrace is a bit of a stretch. While one hand had squashed any hopes of your escape, the other made it impossible as it held on to your face, caressing your cheek with his thumb as his tongue swiped over your lips. A whimper leaves your mouth when he does so and only a few seconds later, Jimin is pulling away with a wet 'pop' of his lips. His petal soft ones are moist and gently coloured with a natural deep pink.

You're barely breathing, eyes half closed when Hoseok has stepped besides the smirking Jimin.

"What a-"

"We're sealing it with a kiss, Darling. All of us." You felt like you were going to faint. Kissing one of them was this taxing - in the best way with the way the butterflies were going haywire in your tummy - how were you going to kiss all threeof them?

"I- Okay." You sound defeated and overwhelmed but ready to have someone fill the void that was left when Jimin stopped kissing you.

Hoseok has taken Jimin's place, swiftly pushing his head closer to yours, nuzzling your nose with his - an oddly intimate act - before his soft lips push against yours. Your arms have found their way to the top of his chest purely on instinct once more. Needing to hold on to something so your weak knees don't give out beneath you.

His kiss is more delicate than Jimin's. Much softer. Until he pulls back for the first time of course. Only to crash his mouth on to yours with a ferocity you were not expecting. Your hands are itching to tug on the silky strands of his hair but you resist. You're not sure if you should even kiss him back. What were you doing? Kissing strangers. It was a little too late to think about that anyway because there was no plausible reason you could think of at the moment to stopkissing him back.

"That's enough hyung. Let her breathe." Jimin's impish chuckle sounds from the room somewhere just as Hoseok's touch gets dangerously close to the curvature of your breasts.

He breaks away with a dramatic 'chu' as his lips part from yours. Sparkling from how shiny they were from your combined saliva. Jimin was right. You really needed to breathe before you fainted - especially with the way your knees wobbled, trying your best to rest against the wall behind you. Hoseok's eyes are still staring raptly at you, the knowing smirk still ever present. It briefly slips down to your heaving chest and even though the uniform was virtually shapeless - you felt almost naked under his scrutiny.

Evidently, your cheeks are reddening even further as he steps back, your heart skipping several beats and blood pressure spiking shortly after when you realise who was next - Kim Seokjin. Somehow, you'd expected the state of subtle arousal to dissipate to a certain degree. The substantial dislike you'd acquired for his tone whenever addressing you had been pushed to the side as he took his place in front of you. Your eyes lock, heart stopingly striking features making you breathless once again.

He, undoubtedly, intimidated you the most out of all of them. Eyes flicking back and forth between the other men and Seokjin, you're trying not to get nervous with each second that passes. Hoseok had not waited long enough to let the panic rise from deep down and you were thankful for that. Because nervous you was not appropriate. Not at all. But then again nothing about kissing your boss's sons and their friends was appropriate. You were way past that point. He places his hand besides your head, just as the other two had done. Bracing your hands behind you on the wall, you're ready for him to steal your breath away.

What you weren't expecting was the gentle press of lips against your cheek. A surprised gasp leaves past your - very lonely - lips. Trying to hide the disappointment that's trying to claw its way on to your face, you stay very still like moving even just an inch might be catastrophic for you. Just as soon as he kissed you, he's pulling away. You hadn't noticed his other hand that had been just shy of holding your waist - hovering besides it like he was uncertain. Which was a crazy thought to you.

"Nowit's a deal." Jimin speaks up from behind Seokjin. Seokjin's broad shoulders had almost completely blocked your view of the other two men in the room that you had momentarily forgotten about them.

Seokjin moves away just as fast as his little peck on your cheek. Which makes you wonder if you were that indigent to him, this unappealing, that he'd resorted to a little peck on your cheek. This was ridiculous on its own because your perception of reality was so skewed considering the events that had transpired in the past hour. A few hours ago you were getting ready to do your weekly thorough cleaning of the vast left wing - now you were internally pouting at not receiving a kiss from one of the three most handsome men you'd ever laid your eyes on. Not to forget - two out of three were your employers.

The realisation is enough to jolt you out of your thoughts and speculations, looking around at all of them. "I should go."

Your words are shaky, rightfully so with how much physical intimacy you received in the last hour than the last month. Neither of the three men stop surveying your tremulous tip-toeing towards the door, trying to get out of the stifling room that was feeling too small with all the bodies occupying it.

They don't stop you when you're fumbling with the golden doorknob, finally pulling open the door. Though why would this day get any easier for you, right? And what had you done in your previous life to deserve this.... predicament. Standing in front of you, was another man. That's right. Another one. Beautiful, incredibly so. He seems to be just as tall as Jimin, ivory skin with a healthy amount of flush.

"Well, hello... maid." His deep - puzzled voice sends shivers down your spine as you stare Bambi eyed at him. Why were all these men so, comically handsome? He looks just as puzzled as he sounds.

"Ah! Perfect timing Yoongi hyung." The loud, boisterous voice startles you once again, whipping around to face Hoseok while Jimin walks towards the newcomer.

"Is the another one of your role-play threesomes Jimin? Poor thing looks like she's going to cry. Unless you're a professional actress?"

The last question is directed at you as he looks into your eyes, his own lovely face frowning as he inspects your uniform. Before you can answer though, Seokjin is scoffing, taking a seat on the couch once again with the drink in his hand that he'd been pouring earlier.

"Please, I wouldn't be here if that were true. Come, have a seat. She won't cry." He waves his dismissal of you and once again - your face is heating. This time in irritation.

Yoongi just shrugs, eyes still watching you as he sits beside a lounging Seokjin who offers him a drink. "So, what's the little maid doing here?"

Jimin is smirking again as he looks towards his older brother. "Let me explain." he offers.

"Make my friend a drink, little one."

"Pardon?" Seokjin sighs, as if being greatly inconvenienced that he has to elaborate.

"Just because you got a few kisses from us doesn't relieve you of your duties, yes?" His narrowed eyes are condescending but you can't say anything. Because he was right. You were still a maid at their house despite the little stunt they pulled earlier (you were complicit).

"Y-Yes. Of course." Eyes downcast as you make your way to the liquor cabinet, taking out the bottle that Seokjin had previously to pour himself one.

"Wait, you guys kissed your maid?" Yoongi's unbelievable laugh makes the blood rush back in to your cheeks. They were discussing you like you weren't there and it was embarrassing to say the least. Though they definitely out-ranked you on the power spectrum so you doubt they really cared much about your input.

"It was a transaction, nothing much of it."

"Talk about yourself, mine was definitely more than that." Jimin is scoffing but you still hear the smirk in his voice. "Isn't that right, sweetheart?"

You know he's talking to you even if he doesn't know your name yet but you resist the urge to turn around, already too embarrassed at how easily you'd given in to their advances. Wiping your hands down on your uniform again to get rid of the sweat that's been accumulating, you carefully hold the heavy liquor glass. Hoping that it doesn't slip from your clammy hands otherwise you were in a lot more trouble than before.

Hands slightly shaking, you stop right before you reach the couch, bending forward to hand the newest face his glass of whiskey. You hadn't noticed before but all 4 of them had been watching you. Carefully examining your composure and the nervousness pouring off of your frame as you tried to keep your eyes on the glass. You make the mistake of glancing up at Yoongi and almost drop the glass like you'd been trying to avoid. Thankfully, he mercifully takes it from you - eyes still watching as he takes a sip.

"Sorry! Sorry..."

"That's okay little one. What's your name?"

"Wait yeah. we never asked her name." Hoseok muses from the opposite couch he's sitting on and Yoongi scoffs at them all again. But they did? Did they really forget my name already?

"Really now?" He's shaking his head mumbling 'egocentric fools' before his eyes turn back to you. "Go on."

Taking a deep breath. Wondering if you should give your real name or a fake one this time in case they try to have you fired when you're gone. You decide to be brave and tell them your name. Again.

"Y/n." No stuttering, thank god.

"How long have you been working here y/n? I would remember a pretty face like yours." Yoongi's tone is light, not flirty like his words suggested. He seemed like a person who just talked this way - complimenting people he deemed worthy of them.

"Three- Three and a half months now." Your voice gets quieter the longer your sentence goes on. The blush on your face is now permanent because of how intently all of them seem to be looking at you. you also need to fight the urge to shuffle your feet around like you were on trial for something bad you did and they were the judge and the jury. In a sense you guess that they were because you wouldn't be here otherwise.

"Hm. Somehow I'm seeing you for the first time today." You bite you tongue, wincing lightly at your own strength but you had to. Otherwise you would go on a tangent about how he really rarely looked at the staff in his own home. Seokjin just annoyed you! Biting on your lip - a nervous habit - you contemplate whether you should ask if you can go.

You were soclose before.

"Please, hyung. You would've if you stopped admiring yourself every chance you got." Jimin mocks his older brother.

"Not my fault I look like this." Seokjin is gesturing to himself like it's a great burden being that good looking. Then again you don't know. It could be.

"Settle down children." Yoongi rolls his eyes at the two brother bickering, checking his gold toned Rolex before speaking again, "so, what's this scheme I’ve been summoned for? Spit it out."

"That'll be all y/n." Jimin's charming smile is directed at you all of a sudden when Yoongi mentions the dreaded plan that you'd overheard. Nonetheless, the way your name slips off his tongue sends a small shiver down your spine, nodding at him before staggering towards the door.

"Don't forget our deal, little one." You can hear Hoseok snickering when Jimin calls out behind your retrieving figure.

Knees almost knocking into each other when you're outside the room, you let out the biggest breath that you were once again, unwarily holding. What had you gotten yourself in to?

Everything was coming crashing down onto your psyche. The gravity of the situation was settling on you and you could feel the hyperventilation lurking nearby. These were not just normal everyday people who happen to have more money than you. The Kim family was affluent and prominent. They didn't follow the normal dynamics of society like all the other wealthy and rich in this country. They made the rules that they wantedto follow. Remembering the incident from when you'd just started working here, you could feel your heart drop down to your toes.

It was your second week on the job and your timorous nature was taking a back seat slowly - getting a hang of your duties. Anders was kind and let you settle in and perhaps because you were just as old as his granddaughter he'd told you about. Minhyuk - another staff member that you'd seen around the Manor and quite honestly developed a small crush on - had been showing you the east wing and what your duties included. You didn't have much to do there as it was Mr Kim's quarters, including his study and office where he worked once in a while. Not everyone had access to that area of the house and you figured it was because of his work. maybe he was really particular about the way things were done. You just didn't think much of it.

"You will always be given your schedule of the type and duration of cleaning required the day before when it comes to Master Kim's rooms so please take note of that."

He smiles sweetly as he shows you around. The notepad in your hand, you're diligently taking notes because you did not want to risk leaving all of this new information to your forgetful nature. You swear you hear him mumble 'cute' when he's watching you but the sound of heels clicking on the marble floors distract you both. When you look up - your jaw is almost dropping to the floor. You's seen Mr Kim's partner a fair few times - on the news that is. In person she was even more... unreal. Tall, thin with equally bright and big bone structure. It didn't phase you when you learnt that she was indeed - a model.

"Good morning Am- Ms King!" Her pearly whites make a small appearance before she curls her lips in an almost sensual smile.

"Good morning Minhyuk. Who is this?" She doesn't spare you a glance when she questions, fingers lingering on his shoulder as she leans in a little close to him.

The blush lettering Minhyuk's cheek tells you that this isn't the first time she's been this close to him. He introduces you as the newest staff addition but she doesn't seem to be listening. What she does though is start to question him about his weekend. Making him almost forget that you're there. What does capture your attention meanwhile is the slight rustle - as if someone had walked away from around the corner. You're only able to catch the colour black and a suit comes to mind automatically.

"Everything alright y/n?" Minhyuk's voice makes you whip your head around back to him and you catch Ms King watching you as well.

"I-I just thought I saw someone." Ms King frowns at that.

"That must be Ryuk. Excuse me." She just smiles - one that doesn't reach her eyes as she steps away. Ryuk?

Sensing your confusion, Minhyuk answers your unanswered question. "That's Mr. Kim. His first name is Ryuk. Weird right?"

You just chuckle along with him - completely missing the underlying panicked tone. He continues the tour but after your run-in with Mr Kim's fiancé, he seems to be on edge.

The next day at work - Minhyuk is nowhere to be seen. Not the next day either. Then never again. A month later - you receive your new duties in the east wing. Minhyuk's designated area.

"Excuse me sir," Anders looks up from the sheets of paper he'd been handing out to the rest of the staff, "Isn't it M-Minhyuk's area? Am I temporarily-"

He doesn't let you finish. "He doesn't work here anymore dear. These will be your permanent duties until further notice."

Your heart clenches at his direct tone. He only spoke like this to you on your first day at work. He doesn't elaborate any further and you get the hint to not further question the change in staff.

You don't see Minhyuk again.

How were you so asinine that you didn't connect the dots before? Minhyuk's panic as he'd shown you to your duties after Mr Kim had possibly seen you three chatting with his Fiancé, him getting replaced - fired? - with you. He was simply removed from the Manor and you'd never heard his name from any of the other staff members either. It's like he never worked there. You were rapidly fading down the doomed rabbit hole. Already thinking of about a hundred ways Mr Kim's sons could have you disposed of. Maybe you were thinking too much? Not possible. With this family, anything was possible.

The tear that falls down your face has you bringing your cold hand up to your hot cheeks. Foolishly, you've forgotten to go much further away from the room you'd exited from. The panic clouding your senses as you fished for your phone from your pocket, hastily dialling your grandmother's house phone.

A few rings later, you hear your mother's annoyed tone. "H-hello Mama."

Her tone turns sickly sweet, dishonest you know but you try to trick your heart and your brain in to believing her concern. "Hi dear! Haven't heard from you in so long. Are you not at work?"

Her tone turns serious and worried instantly at the prospect of you not being at work. You also want to tell her that you called every two days after work but she never wanted to speak to you unless it was payday. But that doesn't hurt you nearly as much as her not even being remotely entered in your wellbeing.

"I am at work. Could you... could you put Nana on the phone please?"

"Um. Okay." That's it. your voice is cracking and you know she can hear you but she doesn't care enough to ask.

"Hello? y/n?"

"Nana." whimpering, you try to not burst out crying. Keeping the intense emotions at bay.

"What's wrong dear? Are you alright?" Hearing her perturbed tone at your distressed one only makes the tears fall quicker, making you slap them away so they don't blur your vision completely.

"Nana... I might be in trouble. I-I might get..." fired. You couldn't say it. Once you let her know you were a hundred percent sure your mother would be incessant in having her spill the bad news. She would make your grandmother's life hell and you couldn't do that to her. Your mother needed the steady money to keep her in rehab. You had hopes that since she was at least going to rehab - that one day she could be a good mother to you.

"What dear? You can tell me y/n." Pushing your hand over your mouth, you try and swallow the sob before it passes through the phone. Though you could already hear your mother asking your Nana what was going on.

"Be quiet Elizabeth! I'll tell you."

"I-I'm okay. I just miss you." You could do this. your grandmother didn't deserve this. No one deserved this just because you made a foolish mistake and you hope she doesn't question you further.

"We miss you too dear. So much. Will you be able to visit soon? Let her get back to work Ma." Your mother sounded angry and you wanted to scream at her through the phone that at least your grandmother cared.

"I'll let you know. I have to go now Nana. I love you."

"I love you too darling. So much." She stays on the line for a few more moments. Making sure you didn't want to say anything else.

Dropping your head down in your lap - you let the last few stray tears fall, trying to stay as quiet as possible. You needed to pull it together. Your family was counting on you to keep this job and you were going to fight for it. Even if you were several outnumbered. You had their secret and that should count for something, right? As long as you appeared strong in front of them - maybe they'll leave you alone.

Dusting off your uniform, wiping away at your face and checking it in the nearest grand mirror on the wall - you get to work. You still had a job.

What you domiss though, is the man who had witnessed your panicked tears. He hadn't expected himself to be this affected but the way his heart clenched and his hands curled into fists at your disturbed state - he'd never wanted to comfort someone this badly. Empathy. A foreign emotion indeed.

#bts #bts smut #bts x reader #bts fanfction #jimin x reader #jin x reader #jhope x reader #yoongi x reader #hobiwonder #lmk what you think #:)

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catsnraincoats-archive · 4 years ago

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my favorite thing is telling NTs exactly WHAT the symptoms of my mental illnesses are because otherwise they. really dont get it.

I have ADHD "Well thats not an excuse" No you dont understand. ADHD makes me:

Have consequence blindness, so I don't realize doing or bot doing something will impact me. I cant help this

Need constant sensory input. In a classroom or house where its the same every day I'm bot getting enough input to focus 100% of the time

Have memory lapses and gaps. My brain is wired differently and the way it operates makes it difficult for me to have a full and linear memory

React negatively to criticism. This is called Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). It makes me take everything to heart, no matter how small. I'm not "overreacting", My brain just can't tell the difference between personal preferences/jokes, and genuine insults most of the time.

Experience executive dysfunction. My brain doesn't look at the big picture more so than it looks at the little steps it takes to get there. And I do mean every step. I get overwhelmed by how much it takes and have difficulty starting at all.

Make too many connections. I don't jump around to vastly different subjects, my brain just goes lightning fast through multiple things to get from point A to point B.

Ask the same question multiple times. Again, ADHD causes poor memory so I will either not remember asking it, or not remember answering.

Make it hard to focus on things I dont want to do. The way my brain works is I get attached to one of a few things at once and thats all I can think about at any given time. Its more than an interest, it is an all-consuming thought that does not leave my brain until the next one.

Make everything dull. ADHD results in dopamine receptors being less active. This causes symptoms of depression.

I have autism "how does that matter?" w e l l, it makes me:

Get overloaded when there is too much sensory input. all of my senses- particularly sight and sound- are far more sensitive than a neurotypical's, which means more input goes into my brain. When too much goes in I get overwhelmed and it goes haywire.

Not make "obvious" connections well. You may think something is obvious, but thats because you're allistic. While allistic brains take old information and apply it to new situations, autistic brains will usually get a blank slate for new things. This makes it harder to make the right connections

Not express emotions "correctly". Even if I'm happy I might have a neutral face. Its not that I'm sad, I just don't express things the same as you. My body language and how I talk about things are better indicators.

More tired around people. I do like hanging out with people, but I constantly have to mask my symptoms and that majes it harder. Masking is where I try and act neurotypical. This is tiring because its essentially acting as a different person 24/7.

Ramble about the same thing multiple times. I have these things called Special Interests. Much like the hyperfixations I mentioned before, they're an all-consuming thought. I like talking about them with people I trust.

I have depression "You're just sad" Thats not all it is. Is also makes me:

Extremely fatigued. The chemical receptors in my brain that I should be getting motivation from aren't as active, so all my energy goes down. A lot.

Put less work into things. I always think "Oh, I can always just opt out and kill myself" so I don't really see the point in putting 100% effort in.

Feel overwhelmingly empty. I don't know how else to describe it. Just. numbness.

Get brain fog. The constant of numbness and an inability to function well makes me get trapped in my own head and I can't focus.

Be "lazy". This isn't actually laziness. My brain is constantly telling me that I'm too tired to do it, it that I'm not good enough, or something. Please understand that it isn't just me bot wanting to do work.

Get irrationally angry. I really can't explain this one. It is a symptom I try to maintain but I ask you to be patient.

#long post #suicide tw

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goldenfawnwriting · 4 years ago

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Birds of a Feather- Hawks Fic pt 4

Summary: After a traumatic experience after going drinking with friends, Finch finds comfort in Hawks’ company. After much contemplation, Hawks’ knows this is a bad idea... Will rumors spread or will their little rendezvous stay secret?

When Hawks awoke he groaned, turning over on the pillowy bed to find Finch sleeping soundly beside him. He was stripped down to his under shirt and boxers and the comforter wrapped the two up warmly. He pushed himself up on his hands and knees, stretching out his wings above the two and letting the plumage shiver as he shook off his sleepiness. He was surprised nothing happened last night, usually when he stayed the night at a woman’s house it was inevitable but, she wasn’t the same.

Finch’s eyes blinked open slowly, a yawn pulled from her chest. When her mind was finally clear she noticed the red feathers blinding her from the sunlight filtering through the window. Her plain bedroom was alive with the red of Hawks’ plumage and she looked over to find the man with his eyes already set on her.

“U-uh sorry I was just st-stretching...”

He mumbled, pulling his wings back in. As he did she reached up, letting her fingers run against the feathers. She heard his little gasp and blushed slightly as she felt an honesty envelope her.

“I’m jealous of you.”

He looked at her with a questioning look before she elaborated.

“Last night when you were flying me home. It was amazing, the feeling of being so far up in the air, the feeling of being so free.”

“Aw birdie, it’s nothing that great..”

She looked away from him, turning to get out of bed. She sat up on the edge of her mattress, pulling her shirt straight again and blushing at how many pillows and stuff she had on the bed. The amount of nesting she did really was kinda weird.

She was sore from the night before but she still stretched out her wings, her right falling short of her left. Hawks’ lingered on the sight for a little longer, pity setting in as he realized that she had never flown, never felt what it was like, never really had a reason for the wings on her back.

“I wish I could do what you can Hawks.”

He was silent in reply as he watched her stand, fold her wings again, and make her way out of the bedroom. Her bruises from last night were darker, finally developed completely. He noticed the delay in her step and knew she was feeling bad. It was then he got out of bed, pulling on his pants.

When he finally decided to follow he found her in the kitchen. He peaked over her shoulder, finding her making a weird, colorful bowl.

“What’s that dove?”

He wondered. She jumped slightly, turning to face him as she sighed.

“It’s a smoothie bowl with oats and granola...”

He gave a weird look and sighed, shoving his hands in his pants pockets.

“No meat huh?”

She chuckled at him.

“No meat. I don’t eat that stuff.”

She explained. He gave her a shocked look.

“You don’t eat any type of meat?”

She shook her head. She was getting a kick out of his reaction.

“No, I’m a vegetarian. You may be based off a hawk, sir, but I’m based off a house finch. If I eat meat I’ll be sick.”

He didn’t reply to her, just looked her over as she ate her breakfast. He wasn’t really sure what he thought, he was just taking in her form. Her skin looked so soft, She was pale, with a rosy tint. Her brown hair was a little messed up from her sleep but, it still looked so shiny and soft, like she put a lot of work into it. Her wings were the same way, a little roughed up but, nicely taken care of. She was so pretty, he found himself concluding.

He puffed his wings slightly, pushing his hair back out of his face as he did so.

“Well, sweetheart-”

“Oh my, I’ve probably kept you way too long as it is, I’m so sorry...”

She trailed off, smacking herself in the forehead. There was a little red mark where she hit herself, and Hawks almost laughed. That wasn’t what his goal was at all, but it sure was hilarious to see her get so worried about it.

“Actually I have today off. For the first time in forever, I don’t have to go in today. And that means you don’t either since you’re my PA.”

She gave him a surprised look and moved to put her bowl in the sink.

“So, I figured, why don’t we spend the day together?”

She looked very surprised then, her eyes wide and her mouth slightly opened. She looked so cute to him. His wings puffed up again. He couldn’t figure out why they kept doing that.

“U-uh are you sure? You really want to spend your day off with me?”

He nodded with a smile at the girl across the room. She paused for a moment before she decided to take the offer without complaint. He barely ever got days off, if he wanted to waste his time with her then who was she to tell him off?

“Well.. What did you want to do?”

Hawks paused. He wasn’t sure, he didn't expect to get this far. As he thought for a moment Finch took in his appearance. He was stunning in the morning, his hair was reflecting in the morning light and his skin was super clear and pretty. She was a little jealous, he almost looked like an angel, only with red wings.

“Why dont we go back to my apartment so I can grab a shower and then we can go to lunch maybe?”

He suggested. Finch instantly agreed. Whatever he wanted to do she would entertain, she decided, since it was his only day off.

“Am I gonna have to deal with more flirty waitresses?”

She questioned with humor. He chuckled as he replied.

“Actually, I hate to say it but, probably. I am a bit famous love, so to be honest, we’ll probably be bothered a lot. Sorry...”

He apologized. Her eyes widened slightly with regret.

“Oh no, that’s fine, I didn’t mean it that way!”

She scrambled. She blushed hard and looked away and Hawks inwardly wondered if she would be ok with all that attention. She seemed so shy otherwise. but, he thought, she did stands out anyway. Everyone with wings like his and hers did. Too bad she couldn’t fly so they could avoid the mess of traveling.

“So uh, did you want to fly to my apartment?”

He asked slowly. She looked at him with a glimmer in her eyes before agreeing hastily.

“I wish I could fly like you... I bet it’s perfect when you’re stressed or something.”

He smiled and nodded as they made their way to her balcony. He hadn’t noticed the night before but she had many plants decorating the balcony that ranged in size and color. He was impressed as he silently scooped her up and took off. There was that little squeak from last night and he almost laughed. As he made his way across town and up a ways he thought of how warm and nice she felt hugging onto him. He noticed her looking around and her tawny feathers fluttering in the wind that raced past them. She was precious, he thought before he caught himself. No, he couldn’t get involved like that, as much as he was already letting himself. After this lunch date he would go home and go back to work and pretend it never happened, he promised.

As they landed on his balcony he looked her up and down in his arms before setting her on her feet. He thought about the risks of bringing her to his place, the people that might notice, the trouble he’d get in. He sighed inwardly and led her inside. She trusted him to let him inside of her home but he wondered if that was a good idea. He wasn’t sure if any of this was a good idea but at this point it was a little late.

She took in his penthouse in silence. She wasn’t sure why she was expecting anything less. It was hardly decorated and looked almost unlived in. She wondered how often he actually was home. She waited on the giant sectional in the living room as he showered and tried to force herself to not notice things but it was impossible.

The pair of panties that were strewn across the floor in the hallway that lead back to where she assumed was his bedroom. The pair of earrings on his kitchen counter that could be his, she reasoned, but they were pretty gaudy for a guy. Rose gold with glitzy diamonds? Probably not real diamonds she reasoned, they looked way too clear. Unless he had been hooking up with another socialite. He had to be, she reasoned. He had to have found someone within his league at least. This thought only reminded her that she was a lowly personal assistant and didn’t mean much to him. What was this lunch date anyway?

When he returned he looked a little guilty and he lead her out of the apartment quickly. She inwardly wondered if someone else was there that she hadn’t seen. Was he really dating someone? Then why was he taking her out on a lunch date? Was this second girl a secret fling that no one was supposed to know about? She couldn’t keep her mind from racing as he lead her to the little cafe on the corner of his street. It was uppity and she wondered if she was underdressed. Then it finally popped into her head. The idea that he was doing this for the paparazzi so that it looked like he was seeing her instead of the mystery girl. Maybe people were starting to catch on to them and this was the perfect way to deflect the attention from the one girl to her.

As they sat down and ordered it felt a little awkward. Like they both knew this wasn’t real, just a look for the public. And she groaned inwardly cause if this was how it was he could’ve at least let her try and look a little nicer. Maybe thrown on a little more makeup and a nicer blouse than the lame nude blush color she was wearing. Her black skinny jeans didn’t do her much justice as a pro hero’s lunch date and she sighed at her ratty sneakers.

He watched her from across the table and wondered what her mood change was about. Was she regretting seeing him? He was trying his best, he thought, looking across the room and away from her. What had changed her mood? He thought for a good moment as they ordered before the light bulb lit up. the stuff in his apartment. She must have saw it. He instantly felt awful. It was from a hookup a weekend ago and the girl hadn’t been back since to collect her things. It was a one night stand but he was always working or patrolling so he never got rid of the things. He mentally beat himself ups and knew that was what she was thinking about. He probably seemed like a sleezeball to her now.

“F-finch?”

She looked up at him with stony eyes. He was definitely correct in his assumption. He gulped at her look before taking a deep breath and throwing his signature, lady killing smirk her way. It didn’t seem to do much for him.

“So, what do you like to do in your free time?”

He asked, trying to lighten the mood. No point in bringing up the girl’s things in public, when anyone could be listening. As their food was served Finch replied.

“I mean, nothing amazing. I have plants and I like to write a little.”

He nodded and inwardly she wondered why he cared if she was just a publicity stunt. She supposed it was to make it seem a little more real to the people watching. She felt shy all of the sudden, as if she had the whole world watching her.

“Thats cool. Do you like plants a lot? I can’t keep a single one alive.”

He laughed, taking a bite of his food and watching her face for her response.

“U-uh, ya I guess. It’s a lot of work to keep them alive but it’s not like I have much else to do.”

She trailed off. He could feel that she wasn’t very interested in him. It hurt a little, since he didn’t mean to mess up what little connection they had. He felt like he had just thrown it all down the drain. He should’ve thought about the stupid panties. He didn’t even remember, in his defense.

When they had finished eating Hawks paid and lead her outside, swimming through the people snapping photos and asking questions before Finch stopped him.

“I can make my way home from here. I’ll just see you at work tomorrow.”

She began walking away, looking down at the sidewalk before disappearing into all the people out that day. She had left him there to watch her walk off, face dropping. He really had fucked it up, he blew it big time.

#hawks #bnha hawks #hawks angst #bnha keigo #keigo takami #bnha #hawks fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic

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infernalyearning · 5 years ago

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hello! hope you dont mind the message out of nowhere, i saw your jojo ships and if its ok to ask abt them? are your self inserts stand users, and how do they fight alongside your f/os? do they use their stands for any day to day things as well? for whoever's in your heart at the moment! (citrus-selfinserts)

@citrus-selfinserts (for some reason its not letting me tag you?? but ill link the text anyway so at least people can click over to your blog)

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! THIS MESSAGE MADE MY DAY! OF COURSE ITS OKAY TO ASK ABOUT MY JOJO SHIPS ID LOVE TO TALK ABOUT THEM!!

Cassidy, Jessie, Caligari, and Diren don’t have stands (at least they don’t currently, I have been considering giving Caligari and Cassidy ones) and primarily just take part in slice of life shenanigans with the rest of the Morioh cast.

Ariem isn’t a stand user but does have similar supernatural abilities to the other pillar men (specifically water-based abilities). He doesn’t get much of a chance to fight alongside Caesar and Joseph but does try to help them where he can as an outcast from the other pillars, only really getting the chance to truly step in during Caesar’s fight with Wamuu, helping to save his life (this is actually something I’ll probably get more into in some later posts, I’ve thought alot about what happens in a timeline where Caesar lives).

Orion, Taralli, Amaretti, Vitello, and Torrone are all stand users so I’ll go a bit more in depth with them.

Orion’s stand [Apophis] is a highly destructive and barely controllable force, making it a powerful if dangerous ally to have alongside [The World] and the other DIO devotee stands. He’s primarily a researcher but he’ll happily fight alongside whoever DIO instructs him to, though he prefers to keep his distance. He generally doesn’t summon his stand for everyday occasions since it brings with it all the trouble of being wrapped in a living Tesla coil with fangs but it doesn’t stop him from occasionally manifesting [Apophis]’s head on his shoulder to serve as a reading light when he’s in hiding for the day post-vampire turning.

Taralli primarily works recon but he is Doppio’s boydguard/assistant and works to protect him (and by extension, The Boss). Both he and Doppio primarily rely on their own physical strength and use their stands to give them a better edge in the fight. [Radio Star] isn’t a very offensive stand, but it’s always useful and Taralli uses it often in his work. Some of [Radio Star]’s abilities involve disorienting enemies by blinding them with flashes of light, helping listen in on conversations, turning your hand into a one-way walkie-talkie/cb radio, and bending light to camouflage it’s user and anything close enough to him.

Amaretti, Vitello, and Torrone all fight alongside La Squadra after the deaths of Sorbet and Gelato; Amaretti and Torrone work as a duo (similar to the other duos in the group such as Prosciutto & Pesci or Melone & Ghiaccio) while Vitello works closer to Risotto as per his assignment. Even in duos, assassins generally work one on one unless circumstances call for a break in that habit.

Amaretti loves to have his stand out all the time! He doesn’t really care whether or not it’s useful to do so. And while he knows it can be dangerous, he hates the idea of [Blue Oyster Cult] not being around. He likes to think he and his stand keep one another company so whenever he’s somewhere safe and not working, odds are [BOC]’ll be out and about, either lounging with him or wandering around on its own to scope out the room.

Vitello prefers to do things on his own, but he isn’t above summoning [Iron Maiden] if he’s in need of a few extra sets of hands. [Iron Maiden] adores tasks it deems soothing and repetitive, making it helpful if you need to get some cleaning or cooking done or just need to carry a lot of stuff quickly.

Torrone finds very little use for [Guns N Roses] outside of a fight or mission and he doesn’t usually bother to manifest it otherwise. However, his stand sometimes seems to have a mind of its own, appearing when Torrone’s emotions begin to run rampant or he begins to run himself thin in an attempt to defend its user regardless of whether or not he’s in any real danger.

#🎱🌪️#⭐📻#💧⛰️#🎬🥠#🙃🏮#infernal chatter #my stuff #my sona #my self insert #my sonas #jojo oc #jjba oc #jjba selfship #🎡🦉#🩹🔰#🤐✂️#🌹🍰#💫🎈

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q-gorgeous · 5 years ago

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Home

fanfiction

based on the animatic idea i had for this song

Warnings: injury, character death

i still dont know why the page break is gone does anyone know

Dash stared at the boy in front of him. He didn’t know Dash was behind him but Dash was gaping at the twerp.

Danny Fenton was over there facing a ghost.

He was fucking staring it down and exchanging banter.

Dash was floored as he watched, jaw dropped, as Danny casually sauntered right up to the ghost.

The fuck does Fenton think he’s doing? Danny laughed at something he said and before Dash knew it the ghost was throwing an ectoblast right at the boy. He jumped and rolled to the side so quickly that Dash’s jaw was nearly unhinged now.

And then something happened that Dash couldn’t explain. No matter how hard he racked his mind over it, he couldn’t come up with a conceivable explanation.

Two blinding white rings formed around Danny’s waist, floating away from one another as they passed his chest, his hands, his head. Until left standing there was Phantom. The Danny Phantom.

Dash looked like a fish now, mouth opening and closing as Phantom-Danny- rushed head first towards the ghost, hand charged up with radioactive ectoplasm.

Fists flew, debris rained down, and soon Danny was sucking the ghost into that little thermos he always seemed to have. Floating there, Danny had a smirk on his face and he began to turn around. When he met Dash’s horrified and shocked gaze, his own eyes filled with fear. Danny’s eyebrows drew down though and he floated over to Dash who scooted away.

Dash could see Danny’s mouth moving but he couldn’t hear anything. The sound of his heartbeat rushed through his ears and his chest heaved up and down too quickly.

A hand softly landed on his shoulder and Dash looked up into Danny’s green eyes. His white hair stood on end, sticking up messily. Now that Dash had seen he could clearly see Danny in Phantom now. He was wearing a jumpsuit for fucks sake.

Dash took in a deep breath and shakily spoke.

“Change back.”

The whisper was airy and Dash could still feel himself shaking and breathing too fast but he got it out.

Danny’s brows furrowed again. “Dash, do you want me to take you home? It’d only take-”

“No! Change back!” Dash spit back.

Danny jumped at the tone, but did as he was asked. The rings appeared again and Dash jerked his arm away from them before they could touch him. Before him was a totally normal, dweebish looking Danny Fenton.

“Are you dead?" Dash asked, voice barely above a whisper. “How is this possible? You can’t be both alive and dead.” Dash’s face went slack and his eyes widened. “Am I dead? Am I imagining all of this in my last seven minutes of brain activity?”

Danny rolled his eyes. “Dash, no-”

“I’m not ready to die!” Dash wailed. “Is this the karma I get? To be left in purgatory until the end of time being tormented by both my hero and the kid I wailed on everyday?”

Suddenly Danny’s hands were both on Dash’s shoulders shaking him. The smaller boy leaned forward until their faces were only a few inches apart.

“Dash! You’re not dead!” Danny huffed out a small breath, hanging his head. “You just saw something you weren’t supposed to.”

Dash’s eyes widened at that again. “Are you gonna kill me?”

Danny groaned. “Dash, no. It’s just… There are people that if they knew this secret they’d want to kill me. The GIW, The Red Huntress. My parents.” His voice trailed off on the last word.

“Your parents don’t know?” Dash whispered in horror.

Danny snorted softly. “Are you kidding? Who knows what they’d do if they found out their son was public enemy number one. They could kill me, dissect me, try to expunge the ghost overshadowing me. Tear me apart molecule by molecule.”

Silence reigned between them before Dash spoke again.

“Does anyone know?”

Danny nodded. “Sam and Tucker have known the whole time. Jazz found out on her own. All the ghosts know. For some reason.” He scrunched his nose at that. He groaned and leaned away from Dash, resting against the car the jock had been hiding behind during the fight.

“How did it happen?” Dash asked quietly. He had calmed down most of the way but he was still having the shakes. He looked at Danny who had his eyes closed, eyebrows drawn down.

“Accident with the ghost portal. I accidentally turned it on and it electrocuted me while I was inside it. It’s why I missed the first two weeks of freshman year.”

“Man..” Dash looked at the rubble on the ground in front of them. “That sucks.”

Danny snorted. “Tell me about it.”

They sat there in silence for awhile before Danny groaned again and started to stand up.

“I gotta get going. I have chores and homework I need to do.”

Dash stood up shakily, leaning against the car once he was on his feet.

“Do you want me to fly you home?”

His head shot up at Danny’s question and he saw the other boy rubbing the back of his neck.

“I just thought because you’re still shaking that maybe- I don’t know how long it’d take you- another ghost could-”

Dash let out a chuckle at the boy’s nervous stammering. “Sure why not.”

Those rings appeared yet again and something clenched in Dash’s stomach. It wasn’t nearly as terrifying this time around.

Danny picked Dash up off the ground and leapt into the air, going about the speed as a car would normally be driving down one of these roads.

They finally made it to Dash’s house and Danny flew in through the wall to his room. Danny’s tail turned back into legs and he touched down on the floor before placing Dash back on his own feet.

“You gonna be okay?” Danny asked as he started turning back to the wall they just flew through.

“Yeah. Are you gonna be okay?”

Shrugging, Danny cracked a smile.

“As okay as a dead kid can be.”

He waved and floated through the wall, leaving Dash alone.

QQQQQQQQQQQQQQ

“Danny!” Dash screamed. He ran between crumbled buildings and bent cars. “Danny!”

The ghost boy wasn’t anywhere in sight, not that that really mattered but it scared Dash. They’d all been at school when the guys in white smashed through walls and dropped through the ceiling.

English class with Lancer.

Dash held his chin in his hand, looking boredly down at his notebook where he was doodling circles instead of taking notes. He looked up at Danny who was sitting in front of him to the left, barely keeping his head up off his desk.

Mr. Lancer was droning on about some sort of poetry when the outside walls burst into the classroom, the ceiling falling apart above them.

“Of Mice and Men!” Lancer exclaimed while students shouted and covered their heads as debris fell around them.

As the dust cleared Dash could make out boulders of men, their white suits still immaculate of dust or dirt, all pointing their weapons at Danny.

“Danny Fenton,” one started, “Under the Ecto-Containment Bill, section D paragraph one, you are hereby arrested for harboring a ghostly fugitive.”

“What?!” Danny exclaimed. “Why would I be harboring a ghost fugitive?” “The reasons are unknown. What we have gathered is that Phantom is taking up residence within you and either you are completely fooled, or you allow his presence.”

The blood drained from Danny’s face and Dash’s eyes widened.

“Phantom? How would I be harboring Phantom? We’ve never even been seen in the same place before! How could I have met him?” Danny asked nervously. He eyed an agent as he took a tool from his pocket, pointing it at Danny who flinched.

“Level 9 specter. We’ve been tracking Phantom’s ecto-signature for weeks. But if you’ve never been seen together before then…”

One by one the agents raised their weapons and pointed them at Danny. They came to life, the whirring filling the otherwise quiet classroom. The first shot was fired and students could be heard screaming as Danny ducked and rolled across the floor.

Another blast was shot towards him and nearly clipped his arm.

“Go!” Dash shouted. He ran towards Danny, blocking the agents aim.

“Dash!” Danny hissed. “What are you doing?”

“Buying you time. Now get out of here.”

Dash turned his head back towards the agent who fired the first shot at Danny. Running forward, he tackled the man to the ground, managing to knock the gun out of his hands. The other agents let out exclamations as they tried to pull him off the bastard.

“The Fenton kid is gone!”

At this, Dash was thrown to the side, forgotten, as the agents ran from the school, piling into vans or equipping their flight inventions. Once the area was clear, Dash sprinted from the building, ignoring the cries of Lancer and his classmates.

“Danny!” Dash yelled again. His eyes were starting to well up and his breathing was getting faster. If he didn’t find Danny soon he’d be too panicked to continue looking for him.

Suddenly, Dash felt a hand around his wrist pull him into one of the buildings the GIW had crashed through. Dash turned around and couldn’t help the sob that left his throat.

He threw his arms around Danny, pulling him close against his chest.

“I thought they got you!” He whispered.

Danny shook his head. “They’ve got my ecto-signature, I won’t be able to hide from them for long here. I need to leave.”

“Leave where? Where could you possibly go?”

“Australia? The ghost zone? Hell, I might even actually need Vlad’s help this time.”

“But-”

Dash was interrupted as another hole was smashed into the building they were hiding in.

There stood at least fifteen GIW, all armed, all aiming at Dash and Danny as they stood there. Guns began whirring and the two of them started backing towards the wall.

“You’re surrounded, Phantom. There’s no escaping this time.” The agent barked.

“What do you even need him for?!” Dash yelled. “He’s done nothing but good for this town!”

“He needs to be disposed of.”

The way the agent said it was so cold it sent ice down Dash’s spine.

“What?”

“Whatever this child is shouldn’t exist. His power increases faster than any other specter and it would be unwise to leave it in the hands of a mere teenager. He must be exterminated.”

Dash gaped. “This is a kid you’re talking about! A living, breathing kid! That’s murder!”

“There are no laws protecting ectoplasmic organisms. They are supposed to be dealt with and disposed of.”

Dash’s vision swam with red. He stormed towards the agent, preparing to strike the snake’s face with his fist.

Something shot into his stomach. It threw him into the ground and as his vision tilted he touched the aching, burning spot on his abdomen, lifting his hand to see it slick with blood.

After that everything felt like it was happening outside a fish bowl that he was lying in. The sounds around him were muted. He vaguely registered Danny yelling. The glowing shield now surrounding Dash. Danny screaming. It all felt like it lasted a lifetime and a second all at the same time.

Someone was shaking Dash’s shoulder, trying to get his attention. He turned his heavy gaze towards the figure-Danny-above him. He could make out the GIW agents scattered on the ground in front of them, the tears on Danny’s face.

“Dash?” He could finally hear his name being spoken. Danny’s voice was filled with raw panic and Dash knew. He knew it wasn’t good.

“Danny…” Dash whispered. He began to cough, a copper taste filling his mouth and over Danny’s shoulder he saw a hazy light blurring the broken building.

“I’m not gonna… Not gonna make it.” Dash said shakily.

A sob pushed its way out of Danny’s throat and tears streamed down his face faster. “No Dash, you gotta hold on. I’ll get you to a hospital and they can-”

“Danny-” Dash’s breath hitched as he placed his hand on top of Danny’s. “I can already- already see it. I’m not gonna make it to a hospital.”

Danny leaned down and pressed his forehead against Dash’s, his tears dripping onto the other boy’s face.

“Go to- go to Australia. Or the ghost zone, Danny. Please. Get somewhere safe.”

Danny lifted his gaze to look into Dash’s unfocused blue eyes. His breathing picked up and Danny took his free hand and ran it through Dash’s hair until the erratic breaths stopped.

Dash was standing above Danny and his body, watched as Danny leaned over onto his chest and sobbed.

Dash took one last look at Danny and turned to walk towards the hazy light, leaving Danny alone.

#gorgi writes #danny phantom #danny fenton #angst #giw #dash baxter #cw injury #cw character death #phic #fanfic #i angry wrote the first half of this #i feel like the firs half was good

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mattgambler · 6 years ago

Text

My thoughts on Sekiro - Shadows Die Twice

TLDR: I talk about what I liked and disliked about Sekiro and why it in my eyes is probably* the best game From Software has released to date. Which means I also compare it to Dark Souls a lot.

*I havent played Demon Souls or Bloodborne, so I cant really talk about those. As someone who played through all three Dark Souls games as well as several other soulslikes on stream, I always stood by the unpopular opinion that Dark Souls 1 is a good game, but also a vastly overrated one - with one of the most unbearable fanbases out there, right up there with Undertale, albeit for very different reasons. My opinion is of course strongly coloured by my interactions with diehard fans of Dark Souls, both on stream as well as everywhere else on the Internet, but at the end of the day I never hated Dark Souls. I wouldnt have played through all three games otherwise. I *did* hate smaller aspects, like the fact that I ended up entering the tomb of the giants without ever finding a lantern and therefore being forced to crawl through that place in near complete darkness until I found the emergency lantern in there, simply because I was unlucky enough to have none of the necromancers drop one for me. Or how the curse mechanic in the sewers got me trapped in a place that i already struggled with, but now with only 50% of my original HP. Or the entire “Git Gud” mentality that is so grossly abused to defend poor game design that the travesty that is camera control in the Ornstein and Smough fight looks like a piece of art in comparison. Onionbro and Solaire would weep if they knew. There were other things that I didnt enjoy, like what the Souls games count as a story, but I have an easier time pinning that down as personal preference and something that just isnt for me. Vaatividya makes good videos. The tomb of the giants without a lantern however, that just shouldnt exist in any game, not to mention a game that is glorified to such an extent that it could get its dick sucked every day by a different dude without running out for centuries. Can you taste that sweaty salt yet? Along comes Sekiro, a game by the same dev studio, with the same feel, minus many of the things that I have hated and criticized for several years now. Guess what, I like it. This isnt a review, Im not trying to tell you if you should buy, Im not telling you that there are no microtransactions in the game or what framerate it isnt capped at. There are tons of videos online that jump-attacked all over that on day 1 of release or earlier. Im telling you why, in my opinion, this game is so vastly superior to Dark Souls that it simply warms my heart. Let me start a list and then never finish it: - You can swim - You can jump - You can talk - You dont immediately die when you fall off a cliff - You cant accidentally walk over a cliff like a moron, at least most of the time. - You can’t simply rely on dodgerolls and invincibility frames all the time - You can understand the story without having to go to Youtube to have it explained to you by someone - You can’t kill strong enemies simply by chain parrying them over and over, or at least it is hell of a lot harder - You can’t simply kill strong enemies by knocking them off a cliff (I think) - You can’t abuse magic for an immediate easy mode - You can’t abuse coop for an immediate easy mode

... I’m getting a little unfair here, I know. I actually think coop is a cool feature, even though I personally never used it and even the multiplayer pvp invasions are an original and interesting concept, although I’m not personally into it. Magic is cool too, although poorly balanced and therefore in my opinion less interesting. The reason I added those last two points to my unfinished list is not because I dislike them, but because of the lately relevant “does Sekiro need an easy mode” controversy. Especially the most elitist diehard fans of the souls franchise strongly disagree with the addition of an easy mode, which is funny... ... given that Dark Souls 1 has several. Personally I dont think Sekiro NEEDS an easy mode, but it sure wouldnt hurt anyone. I personally wouldnt have minded playing on a lower difficulty, I had three or four bosses greatly overstay their welcome before I finally managed to smash their asslike faces in. ...but Im rambling. On a surface level, just looking at the feel of combat, movement and overall story coherence Sekiro is already miles ahead, but I can understand that it therefore feels less like a Souls game and that not everyone will like that. I can understand and respect that. DarkSouls 1, as well as 2 and maybe even 3, have a couple of features that I greatly appreciate and that partly even surpass Sekiro in my otherwise overly critical eyes. Dark Souls 1 has the best and most memorable map in my opinion. Dark Souls 2 has incredible DLCs, especially Frozen Eleum Loyce was awesome and beautiful, with the minor exception of that retarded snow zebra area and how you would respawn *before* the loading screen to get there again instead of after. I also liked the Pursuers concept a lot, as well as the idea of despawning mobs if you killed them often enough. I dont remember much about DS3, it was okay as far as Im concerned but I enjoyed it the least out of the three, probably because of burnout as I had played through all three (blind) in a row. Im mentioning all of this because I want to clarify that in my eyes Sekiro is not THE TIMELESS MASTERPIECE NOBODY WILL EVER SURPASS that Darksouls 1 is often celebrated as. But in many ways it is headed in a direction that makes more sense to me than “if you are not enjoying it then you are doing it wrong and you should maybe think for once”. (Not that Sekiro streamers werent told exactly that just the same) Let me tell you, there were many instances in Sekiro where I also didnt think, didnt consider every possible option the game had given me, honestly Im pretty sure I sucked most of the time, in the eyes of your usual GITGUD-Bro. But I struggled, I improved, I succeded, and I had a way better time during it all, even though I did the same shit in the Souls games as well. Just without falling off edges in waist-high water every 10 minutes, or being invaded by some bowing edgelord, or losing 50% of my max hp as punishment for dying to the wrong enemy. There is this myth going around online that Dark Souls might be a harsh mistress, but at least a fair one. The one spreading that rumour must have been the Bed of Chaos herself, because that is nothing but horseshit. Sekiro isnt exactly fair all the time either, there are many moments in the game that feel all too familiar in their GOTCHA nature. Like how the game conveniently places the key to one of the hardest areas of the early game in your path so you go check it out just to get crucified there by Lady Butterfly and a special drunkard, just for you to learn after finally breaking both of them that you would have had a way easier time if you had simply ignored that area and soldiered on on your original path. Sure, one could have simply abandoned that area and returned later, but how many of you did? I sure didnt. The game likes to oneshot-kill you if you fail to dodge the wrong attack, be it a giant carp, a giant snake, or a giant TERROR man. Even worse, in Sekiro you cant even get your souls back! You die, you lose 50%. ALso 50% of your cash. Suck it. Im not particularly happy about that myself and Im not sure what the motivation behind that design decision was, but you take the good with the bad, right? Another thing that Sekiro does that I dont understand is how the game has you collect loot. Every time you kill an enemy you need to hold a button to collect. You can kill several in an area and then grab everything at once if they arent too far apart, but at the end of the day it eludes me why From Software didnt simply go for autocollecting instead. It’s not a big deal (even though I would forget about picking up loot every now and then) but at the same time it isnt adding any enjoyment to the game either, no matter how hard I try and emphasize with whatever a gamer who likes this might possibly think. It is not hard, its is not really relevant, and I cant think of a single advantage it has over autocollecting. Maybe holding that button is supposed to feel rewarding? I consider it meaningless at best and tedious busywork at worst. At the same time the game introduces a stealth system that actually means something, while at the same time keeping it both well integrated as well as completely optional. Im truly impressed by how that is even possible. I also like the immortality mechanic, that results in you only truly dying if you go down twice, and even refreshes that revive if you kill enough enemies inbetween deaths. It doesnt help that much, as it doesnt refill your estus fl.... healing gourds, but it allows for a little bit more practice against tough enemies before you die, a little bit more lenience while exploring in an area where it is easy to fall, a little bit more standing power in a world where a giant carp can simply eat you. I appreciate it and it is far from making the game anything close to easy. Its more like an extra gourding flask. I could keep going and praise this (surprisingly satisfying enemy style and variety given the setting) or criticize that (less replayability because of fewer possible weapons and builds), but at the end of the day my opinion is crystalclear - Sekiro is stunningly beautiful, very enjoyable, hard as fuck, and while I have heard people say that “it is not a true soulslike”, I have to shrug and agree. It is better.

#sekiro #DARK SOULS #Matt Gambler #high difficulty #soulslike

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fairycosmos · 6 years ago

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hi, im 18 and i am about to start the uni on five moths, i feel like i can’t handle school anymore and i am so afraid to fail, i am not good at maths and i am afraid of not getting good grades for uni plus i’m scared cause i don’t have experience with working, i’m living my life without being planned because i never imagined myself reaching this age and i want to die i’m afraid of not being someone and i feel like crying all the time

hey dude. i’m really sorry to hear that. it must be so hard for you at the moment, and i understand where you’re coming from a lot. take a deep breath. it’s going to be okay, even if that feels impossible to believe right now. this is the exact time in your life that you’re supposed to be afraid and uncertain and upset, it’s completely natural. a lot of people our age are dealing with the exact same thing, which doesn’t make it any less painful, but knowing it’s not something you should be ashamed of can really help. fear of failure, of the future, of change - it’s to be expected. it’d be weird if you didn’t feel that way, to be honest. so begin with processing those emotions as healthily as you can. you dont have to try to push them away, you can let them wash over you instead. allow yourself to cry about it, to talk about it, to write about it. trying your best to cope with your emotions like that will stop them from overwhelming you. accept the anxieties, but dont let them trick you. just let everything be what it is, for a while. and then look for tangible, realistic ways to calm yourself down. you’re only afraid of everything because it hasn’t happened yet. life only makes sense backwards, right? so give yourself a chance to live all of the solutions to your problems before you make any permanent decisions/choices. you’re supposed to be confused, to have no idea what to do. that’s a part of become an adult.

for every scared, irrational thought you experience there is always a rational, more accurate counter argument. these are the ideas that are actually based in reality, the ones you can actually trust. for example, i’m not good at maths either, and i know it’s annoying because it seems like it’s going to hold you back a lot in life (i’ve been trying to get a better grade since i left school two years ago lmao and i’ve only marginally succeeded), but there are steps you can take to ensure that your skills gradually improve over time. even if you dont get the grade you need immediately, the opportunity to keep trying will always be there. every day is a new chance. i know people who are 40 years old and they’re just getting their maths GCSE now. it’s not a race, and you don’t have to achieve everything on a linear timeline, okay? but try to control what you can - try to get into the routine of studying every night, or look into hiring a tutor/taking extra maths classes. if you’re trying, you are doing more than good enough. i promise. your brain will often try to make you feel otherwise, will try to convince you that you’re a failure or whatever, but that’s just the panic talking - it’s not the truth. no matter how certain your self hatred feels, it’s a liar. it’s trying to sabotage you, and you don’t have to lean into it. you’re doing what you can with what you’ve been given, and that’s more than most people manage to achieve. and of course you don’t have any working experience, you’re 18. it’s the exact same for me. and i know it makes it harder to get a job, but employers understand and eventually there will be somewhere that will give you a chance. it just takes a moment, and that’s alright. building up your resume takes time, basically your entire early adult life. so slow down, you’re fine. focus on one moment and one thing at a time.

the bottom line is that you’re worrying about your future to this extent because you care about it so much, and that’s a really good thing. it means that even if you often feeling like giving up, some part of you wants to shape your life, wants to stick around because it knows that it’ll be worth it. look, when you’re depressed or anxious or just generally afraid, it’s easy to believe very overgeneralized statements such as ‘i want to die’ or ‘i’m not going to be anyone’ - those thoughts are, once again, likely produced by stress or maybe a chemical imbalance or low self esteem. but please believe me when i say that they’re not tangible or real or trustworthy. they’re just fleeting feelings/impulses, and they will pass if you give them the chance to. it sounds like bullshit, and i dont blame you for not buying it at the moment, but once you’re able to think about it all objectively - without being blinded by emotional turmoil or low self confidence - then you’ll see what i mean. above all, the most important thing to take away from the situation, is the knowledge that you don’t have to deal with this all on your own. if you take anything i say seriously, please make sure it’s this: there are LOT of resources and services available to help you learn how to deal with this sort of thing. whatever it is, whatever the cause of your sadness is - whether it’s just because you’re under a lot of pressure right now, or because of something deeper than that - there are people out there who will support you through it. where you’re at right now is definitely not where you’ll always be, please keep that in mind. i really think it could be a good idea for you to talk to someone about what’s going on in your head - whether it’s your parents, a hotline, a doctor, or even a counselor at the uni once you start. please, please don’t allow your brain to simply brush the idea off. because getting it all off your chest, and listening to a professionals advice/using their recommended coping mechanisms, could really change your perspective. talking through your worries and actively working with a trained professional to find realistic solutions will make a difference. they may even refer you to a psychologist who will be able to actually explain to you why you’re feeling this way, whether or not there’s any sort of official diagnosis that needs to be made. suicidal thoughts are somewhat common but they’re not normal, not something you should just have to put up with. your mental health is honestly just as important as your physical health, and there’s nothing wrong with seeking medical guidance. it’s actually very necessary. look, i’m not saying it’ll be a quick or easy process, i’m not saying some days wont be completely exhausting, but i’m saying that reaching out if the first step towards learning how to control those negative feelings/thoughts when they do arise. it’s ok to be scared, and to not want to open up, but just cause you dont want to doesn’t mean you don’t need to.

if i’m being straight up, the truth is that the rest of your life doesn’t depend on how well you do in school. your future happiness isn’t dictated by ‘being someone’ in the eyes of the world, it’s dictated by taking care of yourself and allowing yourself to experience this lifetime for what it is, and finding fulfillment through love and curiosity. that’s all. you’re doing so much better than you think you are, and i’m genuinely very proud of you, man. this is just a blip in the very long and very happy story of your life. you’re still young as hell. well, you’re the same age as me, and i totally get how stressful it is to turn 18, but you have so much time. theres so much for you to see, so many people for you to meet, and just because it’s daunting doesn’t mean it’s a burden. everythings going to work out the way it was always supposed to. for now, just take it one day at a time. focus on what’s in your control in the present moment/foreseeable future - such as studying and talking to someone about what’s going on - instead of fixating on things that are completely out of your hands. the future doesn’t even exist yet. you’ve got this. i’ll be rooting for you. sending all my love your way. let me know if you need a friend or if you need to talk about this properly, i’ll be here. you’re not alone.

#anon #tw suicide

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neotericbitch · 6 years ago

Text

a sequel to DarqAnon

part the first

It’s quite abusive, there I said it, how you’re allowed to force a ritual onto a child, whether it be reciting an anthem or staring at the sun, before their brain has developed enough to comprehend the significance. In fact, doing so makes it more likely that as the child grows up, they will never truly find meaning in the action! How sad is that? I’d never force anything on my son.

Growing up, staring into the sun was something I never understood. For a long time I didn’t, I couldn’t conceive of the satisfaction or happiness my family derived from it. It meant something to them, so they tried to teach it to me, but it never meant anything to me. I understood that the sun was their god, but because I never truly believed, I couldn’t grasp how or why it would be important to them to stare up at it, burning their eyeballs out of their sockets. Their god was sending a clear message, do not look at me. Why would they do it anyway?

Oh, but - do keep in mind that that’s all in the past. I understand now. I understand perfectly.

Valkyrie Cain has the most brilliant black eyes. Truly, her every feature is marvellous, her sharp nose, her expressive mouth - but I always go back to the eyes. For Crandall, it’s her hands. They’ve shared many times over many meetings, to the point where I find it very annoying, that they want nothing more than to feel her hands on the sides of their head before she crushes it. I think it’s a nice little fantasy to have, just stop telling us about it. I have only ever shared what I wanted two, maybe three times. That’s an acceptable amount of times! Any more is overdoing it, Crandall! Crandall, I know you’re listening. I’ve been able to feel it even when a very good Sensitive is in my head, Crandall, and you are not a very good Sensitive.

Beside me they turn their head away. Why would they want to listen to my thoughts, anyway, when Valkyrie is here? I suppose I understand their hesitance. Darquesse, goodness - Darquesse wouldn’t stand for anyone hearing her thoughts, absolutely not! To attempt it on her would be a high offence. But Crandall, if you’re still listening, I’d say go ahead for the time being. Darquesse isn’t here. Not yet.

Looking at her, it all makes sense. I want to call up my mother and tell her I understand, I understand wanting - needing! - to look at something, even if it does not want you to. The sun may try to blind you. Valkyrie may glare and scream and curse. But you simply cannot look away.

I cannot call up my mother, of course. She has been dead for a hundred years, and I’m busy right now - and I don’t think there’s mobile phone reception here anyway.

For this week’s Thursday meeting, 6 to 7:30, we have made a temporary move from the community hall to the vault, generously donated for DA’s use by Nicki, who we had to murder. Dear girl, she didn’t want to let me hold the meeting here this week. I suggested it at the end of last week’s meeting and everyone was very excited. A hundred meters beneath the spot where Darquesse opened her portal to another dimension and disappeared - we’re so lucky to have this place! Of course everyone wants to come here whenever we have the opportunity! But Nicki said no. Nicki said to me, “Isserley, these meetings have been really great, you are a good organiser and I’m very happy to have met everyone, but I think what you’re planning is wrong. Please return the vault key to me.” So we had to kill her.

And here we are tonight, and I almost wish Nicki were here so I could say, to think you didn’t want this! The meeting is going very well, I think it’s our best one yet. 6:40 and we’re just about to finish setting up, we’re a neat little group of people. We won’t go over time at all! I’d like to say that I, being an incredibly organised person, have been a good influence on my fellow DA-goers.

Salma finishes painting the symbol on the ground. Her designs are ugly, but she has a steady hand and knows how best to use the petrol paste, a very special concoction. No one else could have done this job - though I must admit, I am a bit envious. Easy, Isserley! Remember, your job is the most important. Without you, this wouldn’t work. Without you, Valkyrie would not even be here.

Salma reaches for Valkyrie. She thrashes wildly - and I can’t say I blame her! I wouldn’t want Salma to touch me, either! Haha. But it really won’t do for her to behave this way, we really need her complete cooperation, so I motion to Respite at the wall and he turns the crank, tightening the chains attached to the bound cuffs at her every limb. She is pulled tight, and by the sounds of it it’s not a very comfortable experience, but now she is tense and mostly still - perfect for Salma to draw the symbol on her wrists and stomach.

She puts up a hell of a fight when Respite disconnects the chains from the wall and reconnects them to the floor, at each corner of where the symbol has been painted so she is now seated in the centre. I can’t help but smile! She reminds me of one of those beautiful shrine maidens. If only I’d thought of that earlier. I would have put this off one more week and gotten an outfit made. But the clothes she put on herself this morning are more than lovely. Darquesse will like them. Darquesse will like being back.

Valkyrie keeps straining and trying to get up, the poor dear! I wish I could go over there and pat her face, like I used to pat my son’s when he was resisting me - I wish I could tell her everything will be alright. But I know, even chained and without magic, she could certainly find a way to kill me if I were within reach. And I don’t want her to kill me until the ritual is complete, of course! Otherwise what would be the point?

“I don’t even know,” Valkyrie growls - what a good word for it! Indeed, she is doing her very best to sound deep, dark and scary. Soon it will come naturally. “I don’t even know what you think this will do. It’s not a full moon, or a blood moon, or any kind of moon. It’s not a magical day, it’s not a holiday, it’s not even a day that means anything to me.”

It’s my birthday, but don’t tell anyone that. It’s my special little secret, my gift to myself.

“This sigil is totally made-up. It’s not going to do anything.” She tries to raise her hand to her face to wipe off some sweat, but the chain is too short. “Let me go and I’ll make it quick - because when Skulduggery gets here, he certainly fucking won’t.”

I crouch down to be on her level, and I’m filled with such...reverence. I understand. I understand. This is what I was supposed to feel kneeling in the sweltering heat for hours on end. I’m glad I feel it here instead.

“You will kill us,” I say. “But we’re not going to uncuff you, you’ll do that yourself.”

“What are you talking about?” She is so exasperated and so irritated and so wonderful. “These cuffs are bound. It doesn’t matter how great you think I am, I’m not that strong.”

“You will be! You will be.” In the corner of my vision I see Salma fidgeting. Salma!!! You’re ruining this!! To make her stop, I gesture at her so she can speak and stop annoying everyone with her movements.

“The sigil you’re sitting on,” she fires off in her horrible, grating voice, “and the sigils that are on you are my own designs. Just because you haven’t seen them before doesn’t mean they won’t work. They’ll work.” Her lip trembles and she bows her head. “I’m sorry you don’t...believe in me.”

Valkyrie stares for a moment. “You’re completely nuts.” Nuts! Aah! That’s the word I use to describe her! How exciting!

“They’ll work, I swear. I promise. We only need to activate them, and...” Salma looks to me. Unfortunately, I have to stand up now and go back to looking down on Valkyrie. It’s okay, though. It’s okay. Soon she’ll be looking down on me.

For now, she doesn’t look at me at all. She looks down at where she’s put her arms on her knees, wrists facing out. Perhaps Supreme Mage Sorrows once gave her a lesson on what certain strokes can mean, perhaps she’s trying to work out how to counteract our symbol.

She’s fabulous and smart, yes, but she won’t be able to work it out. I am confident. I snap my fingers, summoning a bright, orange flame into my hand. She lifts her head, looks me directly in the eye, and I smile widely. Very widely. Not widely enough. I hope, before Darquesse kills me, she at least takes the time to appreciate what I’m doing for her. I hope she recognises how much I love her. No - I don’t hope. I know. She will. She must.

I take a step forward and crouch again, reaching my hand out to the edge of the symbol on the ground. My flame will catch onto the petrol paste and spread immediately. Valkyrie will be burned, but only a little bit! Just a little bit. Long enough for the fire to catch the symbols on her skin, and she will be protected - and Darquesse will be summoned back into her. She will be complete again.

Before my flame touches the paste, Valkyrie shoots her hand out and smudges the line, which gives me just about the fright of my life! Thank goodness I have such incredible reflexes, otherwise I wouldn’t have jerked my hand away in time. The paste would have caught on fire and surely burned her to death! She rubs her wrists together, wiping away the symbols written there, then kicks her legs out from under her so she’s in a more traditional butt-to-ground position, but that means she’s made the ground symbol worse and displaced dirt into my face.

It’s hard to love her when she has literally blinded me. That whole thing about the sun and everything, it was more of a metaphor. I still love her of course! I’m only taken aback. Anything I may say as I fall backwards isn’t really my fault, since she’s the one who kicked dirt in my eyes. It's more of my reflexes. I never would say anything of the sort to her under normal circumstances. Never.

“You bitch!”

What an inconvenience. I don’t get to see any of what happens next! I only hear the door flying open and gunshots, the sounds of my people yelling and trying to fight. Punches, kicks, bodies falling to the ground. When I hear Salma scream and feel her blood land on my face, I can’t help it! I can’t help it but think, serves you right for putting a cent in the collection tray every week!

“Skulduggery, the-”

“Valkyrie. Are you alright?” Is that him getting on his knees? Maybe he understands after all. “Are you hurt?”

“My skin’s burning, let me loose so I can get this shit off me. The crank on the wall, I think that controls the cuffs.”

I roll onto my side and wipe the dirt from my eyes. I hear Pleasant at the wall, turning the crank back and hitting the release. It’s terribly uncomfortable, but I can open my eyes and see well enough - and what I see is Crandall dead next to me! It’s such a shock, my heart skips at least three beats. That rotten Pleasant. What a barbarian. I lift my head as carefully as I can, so I won’t be noticed. Valkyrie has lifted her shirt to get the symbol off her stomach and cannot see me.

This is so unfair. I put so much work into this plan. It was so hard to trap her! I was going to bring Darquesse back. Me. Not Crandall, not Salma. Not Nicki. Her black eyes would have bored into my skull and killed me and I would have been good and happy. Huh! Maybe I'm not too different to those Faceless worshippers who go blowing themselves up in public places.

“Isserley. I thought that was you.” Pleasant. Pleasant is talking to me. “How have you been?”

Valkyrie snaps her head up at him. “You know her?”

“We’ve seen her in the High Sanctuary.”

“Jesus. Is there anyone you don’t remember.”

“No.” He reaches out and wipes the rest of the symbol off her stomach in one motion. I have dirt in my eyes but I see how her tummy kind of curls in a bit as she drops her shirt down.

That should be me. That should be me. I love her more than anyone. I burst into tears.

“She tried to set me on fire.”

“I think a list of people who haven’t tried to set you on fire would be shorter than a list of those who have.” I hear the clink of handcuffs. “Come on, now, Isserley.”

I let my head drop back onto the ground and stare up at the ceiling. I do not take one more look at Valkyrie. I’m not worthy. I’m not worthy. I failed. “Why don’t you just kill me.” I’m not even aware of myself saying it, to be honest! Just one of those things that...slips out...

“She makes a good point, Skulduggery.”

“Can’t be done. We should leave at least one cultist alive to arrest, so why not take the woman in charge?”

“How do you know she’s the one in charge?”

His terrible skull fills my vision as he looks down at me. You know, hearing him talk this much at one time has jogged my memory. And he does happen to wear very beautiful suits. My mouth falls open. “You’re-”

Valkyrie was startled for a moment by the sudden gunshot. Shoulders tensed, she looked over to Skulduggery standing over the woman, gun still pointed into a face that didn’t really exist anymore.

“What made you change your mind?” she asked as he put the revolver away. Skulduggery came over to her and brushed some hair out of her face, went back to fussing over the injuries she sustained on her way here.

“Too talkative,” he said, and she laughed and teased him about being a hypocrite.

#skulduggery pleasant #thanks for subscribing

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abundantchewtoys · 6 years ago

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HS Epi: Meat p11 reaction

Is the resolution of the Masterpiece really going to fall in between pages about Jane & Jake's fake date?

Maybe not. Maybe we'll see something from John's perspective first, inside the house juju. Giving himself the retcon powers. Coming to terms about some things. But I suspect he won't be able to contact anyone. At least, it would surprise (and entice!) me if someone contacted him while he's hidden away so remotely in there... Speaking of contact, how did John intend to have read anything inside the juju without his glasses or contacts? You can only spend so much time squinting.

I also wonder what they'll do when they're let out. I mean, they haven't become any better at fighting, and LE has. John won't zap his friends, Vriska and Davepetasprite^2 away to confer in a more secure location, right? Assuming he still has his retcon powers by the end of his stay in the house juju.

---

"That’s that, you think. Your glasses are broken forever, and you totally fucked up and underestimated young Lord English. Rose should have known better than to trust this to you alone." Well, I guess having a mental breakdown is one way to pass the time. I'd rather he had some sort of breakthrough instead, though. As for the glasses... Maybe a non-final death will restore them? Or by ascending to his Ultimate Self god tier. Whatever that'd do to his personality...

"Rose, Rose... your smart, amazing friend Rose, you can almost hear her voice now.

> Listen closer, jackass." ... Ah, so Reload Rose and the others can still talk. Their jails neighbour each other after all - they represent the four blocks of the house - but I didn't think it'd be enough for them to confer. Though, I rather think they're limited in what they can do in here, right? Unless... Unless by being in the house juju, they can influence some things inside the plot, still put some things in place so some time loops are fulfilled and stuff is prepared for bringing down LE!

Pretty sure they're barred, narratively, from performing a jail break, though. :P

Ya know, I've talked about the sentiments behind the narrative prompts before, and I just now realized that the kind of intruisive, inflammable language they use are a throwback to Homestuck's narration, since now that we have this POV-type story, the language there in is more shaped towards the person in question.

"You’ve only realized right now that your cell has walls, because it’s awfully bright in here. It’s so white that nothing in the cell is casting a shadow. Looking around, you realize there is no apparent source to all this bright light, making it hard to tell where the floor ends and the walls begin." Oh, I figured it was dark for him, but yeah, the house is white. Maybe the jail cell looks to each as what their idea of being imprisoned in a house-shaped object should be like, and proportions of the space go to match that? Hence why John can't yet tell the floor from the walls, he's got only an inkling of an idea. :P

"JOHN: yeah, i’m here. ROSE: Oh, thank goodness. Everyone’s accounted for then." Hah, John spaced out while the others reconnected. Nice. I'm interested to see what ideas Rose will bring to the table.

So it all comes back to four kids, standing idly in separate rooms, huh. :P

"Are you okay? JOHN: what? ROSE: Are you OKAY?" Okay, either the walls muffle the sound of John is like "this situation does not warrant the use of the word 'okay', rose. 'okay' is definitely not how i would describe us being right now."

"JOHN: i think so. i can barely hear you though.

You can hear a thud from Rose’s corner, like someone slumping against the wall in relief. Well, that’s what you’re doing at least." That's pretty much all she needed to hear right now.

"DAVE: this is kinda dorky to say out loud but i dont DAVE: feel... time" ... They're cut off from all their aspects now, are they? That'd just make them ordinary people. :/ Or maybe it's in reference to time outside of the juju passing way faster, relatively.

"DAVE: thats not just me right you guys feel it too DAVE: or dont JADE: yeah JADE: i mean theres obviously space inside this box but i cant do ANYTHING JADE: its like im blind" ... Okay, so I'm left to wonder. Would the egg sword and Jade's First Guardian powers still be usable? I'm assuming Dave had it out, so even if their sylladexes are inaccessible they might be able to do something.

"The noise outside the juju grows. Something sharp and metallic splinters above and rains down on the top of the chest." That isn't something to do with the pirate party finding the chest in the dreambubbles... So then, what? Did the B2 kids do something with the chest after exiling (excorcising? ... INcorcising?) Caliborn into Lil Cal?

Blaperile has a good point. Do all the soul splices inside Lil Cal experience this in the same way? ... Do all the soul splices in LORD ENGLISH experience this in the same way?? In the sense that the mobster is just a prison they can't escape or influence?

"ROSE: What did my future self say it was we had to do? JOHN: erm... she never rea—" Oh this is going to be so embarrassing.

"The metallic noises rain down harder, drowning out Rose’s attempt at being loud." ... It's that the noises are metallic, otherwise I was almost beginning to think it was more like the white noise. And that would have made me think of the Scratch. That would sure be something though, if the B2 kids initiated a Scratch of Caliborn's session. Actually, what if that was how Alternate Calliope's timeline came to be...

"JOHN: NOW I CAN’T HEAR YOU! JADE: TRY USING LESS WORDS

The length of the silence coming from Rose’s corner communicates just how difficult a task that is for her." Pfffffffff. Incoming character development for Rose: being concise.

"JADE: WHAT????? JOHN: I KNOW IT’S ALL A BIT ABSTRACT, BUT... JADE: NO, I JUST CAN’T HEAR YOU! DAVE: JOHN YOU SUCK AT YELLING JOHN: UGH!" Pfffff, I thought John would be better at yelling coherently, being Karkat's counterpole. ... Blaperile points out the similarity with Karkat sucking at whispering. XD

"Now you understand defeating young Lord English was never supposed to happen. Not the way Adult Rose was implying it would. You surmise the other four teens remaining outside the juju were the ones meant to be tasked with his defeat." It just sucks that John has to come to these admittedly wrong decisions by himself and couldn't have been given more information to work with.

"And judging from the cacophony still emanating from beyond the walls of this house and its confining chest, they are taking the task seriously." Okay, so the B2 kids' fight is still going on. Still unsure what the metal sounds could be about though. Aside from Dirk hacking at the chest with his unbreakable katana.

"But what does this mean for the four of you?" John, don't lose hope, you said it yourself, you'll be unloaded... some time.

"You try to picture what’s going on in the battle outside, but it’s not easy.

> Use your imagination." Of course, the house juju's powers run on imagination! :P No, wait, he's just going to give us his idea of the proceedings of the rest of the Masterpiece. Sadly, he doesn't have any clay at hand. :P

"The coolness of the action in your mind’s eye is belied by the actual sound effects booming all around you, which you can only describe as vaguely stupid." Welp, guess the bar of wedgies is still being cleared only marginally.

"There’s a lot of hysterical screaming, which, if you’re not mistaken, is coming exclusively from the male combatants. ... Well, Dirk IS living and breathing anime. :P

"Almost as if an outrageous bubble of pure Hope were enveloping the stage, is how you would describe it if you didn’t mind sounding ridiculous." Hah, John still doesn't believe in the application of Hope.

"Then you hear... it can’t be. Horses?? No, not simple horses of flesh and bone. These horses are metal, if we’re to believe they’re horses at all." Oh! Right, Arquiusprite summoned those Metalhoofs. Well, that's what I picture they were, Caliborn represented them with metal horse figures... But perhaps he even created robo-centaur butlers and the like. *shivers*

"You figure no one will ever truly know what’s happening out there. You doubt anyone would even be able to handle how incredible the raw, unfiltered account of this teen brawl actually was, so it’s probably for the best." Welp, and we were doing so well just now. :P Eh, it seems the battle unfolded pretty much exactly as foretold, only with some of the more stupid details removed, curtousy of Caliborn's impatience with stupidity. Which in this case might not have been entirely bad. :P

"you overhear Dave from one of the rooms below you, raising his voice to speak to either you or someone else." Right, they are not all on the same level, since it's a house-shaped prison. Uh, but wasn't Dave supposed to be in the part of the house with the extra window? It's been too long, I probably misremember. Oh, wait, yeah, they went through the fourth wall via one of the bottom panes, and it stood for Dave. Never mind.

"Once more you ruefully reflect on these teen versions of your friends, and all the questions they must have for you. For each other. What would you even say to them?" The responsibilities of an adult, John never expected they'd be this hard. He must be growing more appreciative of what his Dad went through with him without even knowing it.

"You’re not even sure you could handle it, if you were Teen John. You’d have too many follow-up questions, which Adult John is in no way prepared to answer." Still, I wouldn't mind a little one-on-one between Johns. A John-on-John, I suppose. In a serious way, nothing from the animes.

"Would you tell them about Terezi..." Oooh, does he suddenly get an idea, thinking of Terezi? Can't say I think they can do anything to contact her from inside here. Hmm, but earlier, Blaperile thought about what the B2 kids could do with the juju chest, whether they might try to get the others out. That's assuming Caliborn didn't captchalogue the thing, though. Still, it would be something if they could defy what's been foretold and unload the house early, maybe load it with a real surprise for LE.

"For some reason her name feels like nails in your heart. Makes sense, you guess, cause there’s a lot of sharp letters in it. She had sharp teeth too, and sharp elbows. Sharp words." Ahhhh, so we get to see what black romance feels like to John. Looking pretty sharp, apparently. Still, her sharp intellect could've come in handy here. It's a good thing chances are good they'll meet again, I'm sure post-victory Terezi has an important role to play yet.

"Terezi Pyrope was a sharp girl, and maybe what these sharp feelings are trying to tell you is you miss her more than you realized." Well, John has already acknowledged his feelings about Roxy, guess it's time for the other side of the two-headed coin now.

"She wouldn’t have let you neglect relationships with certain friends for so long that you missed whole chapters of their lives. She wouldn’t have put up with you moping around with the salamanders for so long. She would have kicked your ass for being such a loser about everything. She would have poked you in the forehead and called you insufferably lame and told you to pick up the damn phone. You would have called her a weirdo and pretended you hated it, and maybe you would even have believed you hated it. But now, sitting here in this little white cubicle, contemplating your regrets, you don’t think you’d have hated it much at all.

Would you tell the teens that?" Oooh. Very good point, actually. Even if John really only knows that version of Terezi from talking to her on two separate days separate by three years, she had a real impact on him. Granted, they also kept contact on WhatsApp as well in Universe C, but during the session was when their interactions bloomed. It'd probably be a stretch for Meat to end with John retconning the post-victory timeline to include Terezi on Earth, with him, right? After they defeat Lord English first, of course. Oh, right, she was there for two years before leaving... somehow. I kind of forgot. Still, five years would've made a difference in where John ended up by the start of the epilogues.

"JOHN: am i... depressed??" ... Well. Well, as far as growing self-awareness goes, this might be a very big development! Yes, it does seem that John has become listless on Earth C. Mostly it seemed to have to do with the absence of his Dad. But maybe he'll have other ideas about that, like his misfortune in matters romantic.

"as it turns out, you are really fucking depressed. You’re just a giant, wet meat sack of self-involved misery, and all that big, wet, meaty ooze drips out your mouth every time you open it. All the time and space in the world isn’t making it better. It’s something you should have been doing for yourself, instead of waiting around for things to get better." Wow, John. I suppose things will get a little harder for him, now that he's realized this about himself, but I hope he'll find a way soon out of this mess. And so, that's what he's been doing on Earth C, just waiting for things to get better. And no-one picked up on it, not even the other people close to him that bordered on depression before? Like Jade? He really alienated himself...

"Well, screw waiting! It’s boring as hell! You are JOHN EGBERT, after all, immortal CREATOR OF WORLDS, the one and only man ever to completely transcend the partitions of CANON ITSELF. You’ve got these powers, remember?" Well THAT's a sudden surge of RESOLVE if I've ever seen one!

"You hold up your hands and form a rectangle with your fingers and reach outside yourself, outside canon, to the place your retcon powers come from. You focus. You strain. You contemplate with all your might a place you can zap to, any place but here." There's no place like home, there's no place like home! :p Kind of wondering if he'll succeed though. He might be cut off from his powers. But if not, canon is his oyster.

"You wait. And wait. And wait and...

Nothing happens.

You slump back down against the wall" Welp! He tried.

"JOHN: THE ONLY WAY OUT OF HERE... JOHN: IS FOR US TO WAIT FOR SOMEONE TO LET US OUT. JOHN: SORRY GUYS. ROSE: OH." Anyone up for a game of "I see I see what you can't see"?

"JOHN: ALSO... JOHN: I THINK I MIGHT HAVE DEPRESSION?" Well, at least they won't have a lack of stuff to be talking, sorry, yelling about. Rose might be partially delighted to pick at the brains of an adult John, in fact.

#homestuck #upd8 #homestuck epilogues #homestuck liveblog #reaction #spoiler alert #john egbert

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nocancer · 6 years ago

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Tryna by Cancer moon

Before Young T went to bed he poured a glass of water and looked out the kitchen window to his backyard and noted how the snow made 3:00 A.M. look like 6:00 P.M.. Only difference being that if he stepped outside with his glass of water to the seeming twilight he wouldn’t be able to hear the rush-hour traffic like he usually could if it was Friday and 6:00 P.M.. Young T didn’t bother going outside because the snow was still falling a little and it’d be there when he woke up. And the neighborhood would still be silent, as it always was.

Young T woke up and his fan was still humming its white noise which he needed to sleep at night even though it was January and his dad was reluctant to leave the heat on over night. The small fan sat on his dresser and was pointed away from his bed towards his window which emitted a sharper and more blinding afternoon light than what he was used to. He checked his phone for the time, it was about noon - about the time where his parents bedroom door would open and their TV would blast the local news and his persian cat, Jo Jo, would meow at his door from which would force him out of bed to open the door so Jo Jo could jump up on his bed to sleep on his pillow from which he would either start his day or keep doing nothing. This time he laid back down, idly on his bed, with the covers pulled over his head to lessen the effects of his slight cat allergy. Jo Jo had a flat face and was grey and fat, and he occupied the entire pillow. Young T thought of how he wanted to trade lives with Jo Jo.

Young T couldn’t fall back to sleep, so he looked at his phone. He bireifly looked at worldstarhiphop, Twitter, then Instagram.

Then he went to bed with a head ache and woke up in college.

9/27/17 wednesday

Tycho: excuse me, hey, getting along just fine, I see? Yolandra: hey, and yeah, sort of, just studying, whats going on with you T: Nothing, the usual, i guess, being responsible, trying not to offend anyone. Y: Oh but you're so innocent. If anyone's offended its on them, not you. T: But my presence alone, I dont know, like I'm out of place or something. And I just want to tell people, Yeah, so, I know how strange it is, me being here and all. Y: You're a free spirit amongst prisoners. That was my favorite part about getting to know you.

Tycho: After all these years, not for a second did i think you were right for me. And thats why i liked you. Cus I'm crazy. Yolandra: thats okay? what do you mean?, i want to get inside your head again. T: [pause] Most people wouldnt understand. Y: Don't be too cool for school. Im not most people. If I knew what was good for me, I'd have cut ties with you a long time ago. But im a crazy bitch too. Havent you realized? T: Yes. Youre highly psychic when it comes to "free spirits" like me - and you, though maybe, "lost soul" would be a better term for me. Though I dont mind being lost. It keeps things interesting. Anyway, you should spend your energy on solving world hunger than worrying about me. Y: dont be so difficult. catching vibes isnt easy you know? coming for your type. Who knows, maybe youre worth it. Tycho: well, your the first to try me like this. im mysterious for a reason. Yolandra: And do you know why exactly? T: Thats for me to decide. Y: It's so damn frustrating. But I guess some things are better left unsaid. T: Most people wouldnt understand that, what youre saying. Indescribable feelings we know happened but fall short in explaining. That sort of thing. Y: I call those. "You had to be there" moments. Tycho: Honestly i never gave up on you, only myself, thinking you were different from my dream girl. it took months for me to realize that but when i did the only thing i wanted to do was forget i ever met you. Yolandra: than what? T: the rest of these simple people that surround us, they see in a way thats opposite of what i am. Y: how convenient it must be. to blame your problems on people you dont even know. and just say "fuck it." I envy you. T: just my luck haha. of being born into myself, my personality forgive me, i dont mean to be such a downer. thats my ego talking Y: you had to be there T: where? Y: in my memories. T: it matters that much to you? Y: if I could find you in a crowd, just to say something, anything, even if i have to scream it in your ear, then you'd know how much it means to me. Tycho: I'll be waiting for you to say hola.

9/30/17 saturday In the midst of an obnoxious trap beat I remember what my grandpa used to tell me. It's the harsh realities of life that stick with us the most. A dream is only a dream until you make it come true. Never hit a women no exceptions." He would say to a 7 year old me. Now I wish I had the balls back then to tell him that his strict army ass probably never had a dream that went beyond what he already knew. Like revisiting the same shitty cloud of meaningless thoughts every night till you reincarnate into someone who revisits a slightly less shitty cloud over and over until they become someone like me, who lives on the cloud everyone strives to be, forgetting those elvish looking folks of the below who never leave the house except to get groceries. There's comes a point in life where you just gotta be honest with yourself, and say hey, i just dont match the freqeuncy anymore. It's okay. I can still pretend like that one MGMT song, but im fading away. Fuck. I get naseous and imagine a cop coming around the corner which kills my vibe for a second so I take my headphones off, spit on my finger tip, ash the blunt, and walk to my dorm. I'm in water so muddy that the surface is all I have to cling onto. What lies beneath is my past, housing the memories like demons. Of course, her face, would be in the middle. Falling more faintly in detail as I wake up sober and go to sleep high and dream nonsense that somehow doesnt go away like the usual forgotten dream you usually wouldnt give a second thought to otherwise but this morning my head feels foggy and theres a vague recollection of a search going on but I dont know what it's for and my chances of knowing diminish as I go deeper into the day. A search, it's on repeat, like my brain is an actual TV. Thats probably a normal thought to have, though I've never heard it in real words. "Is my brain a TV." I say to myself. if you can call it that. but those take the shape of monsters of which, as if I had no choice, I find myself preparing for so when the moment really matters, I can either go down in a blaze of glory or come out on top like the badass I imagine myself to be. All I know is that I was born and now I have to live.

Maybe because my past is so glaringly depicted onto a person I refuse to acknowledge. All that shit was a dream. The only thing that matters is the present, right? Bill Nye the Science Guy would agree with that. Back in elementary whenever we had a sub for the day, a cart would roll in and thats how you knew. I watched his show in elementary school, when we had a substitute teacher. Those were the best days. I had no worries then, able to speak freely with no inhibitions as if duality had nothing to latch its mechanical claws onto. Wait, I'm thinking about the past again. And thats going way back. Fuck! Okay.. On your feet soldier! That baby momma drama dont fly out here in the real world. out here it's the winners and the losers, haves and the have-nots, thats the way it is.

We're here to endure anxiety. I dont care about this slave shit. I think im gonna drop out. These fucking people bro, I shouldve known better than to come here. Deep down in the recesses of my highly realized capacity for recognizing everyday objects I'm hearing the voice my computer makes. It just so happens that I'm a little different from everyone else. I see things. Feel them. Some are expressed. Others proccessed. Though most get put away for later. These things I speak of is all they'll ever be to Some bad. Some good. But in the end I understand the root cause is nothing and thats where I pretty much exist anyway. In between any and all things, including people. At least that what it feels like. So although I may come off as shy and maybe a bit soft to the average layperson I aint no bitch and I wont hesitate to put my body on the line to make some headway when it comes to cementing my place as a savage demon in the halls of said layperson's memory bank. Someone who is wise would recognize the virtue of my conviction It is only because I must prepare for that singular moment, an unknown point in the fabric of time and space. To where if theyre not careful, a life's worth of energy should be pitted against me as if one were to stand a chance against the power housed within my vessle. Theres no such thing as a polite gesture. Nobody asks me how my day is "going" for no other reason than to relay to me how their own special day is "going". reckoning between a humble acknowledgement that I can never truly grasp the reason for existing and therefor should play my part in keeping the peace, versus pure badass in a world of sheep. And the more I get to know my surroundings, the more I reach erradically for the inherent bliss found within the path of satanism.

000t333g922276888o

Spmewhere off in the distance, Crermoth sits on a palm tree idly sculpting astral suspensions into a tattered fervor of mesh for working the keys of ineptitude. She is oblivious to her surroundings, not caring for chatty and gossip which she cant seperate between her reality and theirs because she is sensitive and when the the fully recognized sage, Esoh, confronts her about she says she much prefers it that way.

Their balance among them. With the wind at her side, Hojihka refuses the initial preference of her stillness and moves in a nameless precession by the whim of her ancestral birth right. "aaa may-ee soo shay-noo"

Her possession wakes up without a name. a new and more elaborate transposition of jubilee onto each successive indifference. The attention to one area renders the outer confines a vacuum enveloping the excess span unto both of their liable to taken over like a plain, sole, unconscious will. It certainly does its job Crermoth and has become something of a plan b pill thats taken during one of her many unpredictable episodes of self hate and general spiritual torment. One time she told J-Money she was a demon in a matter of factness that still haunts J-Money in moments when he pretends it doesnt bother him.. Reliant upon the interaction of her world and the next. Crermoth normally prefers being to herself on nights like these, that way she can answer any calls at a moments notice. A dimension close enough so that she may assist her friends in earthly manners of which, by the natural law of limitation, those lacking the incessant nobility of the Orisha cannot be bothered to see to themselves, less the tether between her world and theirs be rendered a useless tattered fervor of mesh that gives way to any varitable knock of an over arching brood of usurpment of the mundane frequency. “I need space. I only have but so much light of see to her calling as a being of light, assisting the pieces of herself that we’re lost during the falling. You remember that don’t you?” She says “Of course I remember. But only as a matter of fact. Upon closer reflection I fail to see the relevance of a subtle hunch with no bearings in the present.”

I must know that I’m allowed to be straight up with you, else I run the risk of straying from my calling. If there’s anything I hate more than being ignored its catching myself being lazy to the voices. “She musn’t veer to far.” Esoh said on a mountain.

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The woman wakes up to look around. Store-bought soil, empty bike-rack, office building. "Harder. Think harder. Come on girl." She stands for dignity's sake. A car traces a hilltop in the distance. She raises her cold arms to the sun in defiance of stillness. Nothing is in tune with the nature of her being besides the stale wind of a coming day. "Where are you?" The car freezes as it reaches the horizon, but the sound remains on loop. Whirrrrr A portal manifests abruptly and Elegua arrives on a chariot of skulls. "Erzulie, madame, how nice it is to see you this early in the morning." A whisp of fire cleans her face and the car continues over the horizon. "It really shouldnt be, not like this. Where Im at should tell a lot you know." Erzulie said. "Quite a dense reply to a longtime friend, dont you think" "Hmm, considering how I slept in a bush last night and dont remember a thing. I shouldnt need to explain myself." "No? is the friz on your hair not matching the blood on your knees? I can't tell which." Elegua said. Or is the attitude possessing you as if theres no consequence for ill-manneredness? I cant tell which." So long as one's not so dense up his selfish ass that he aint notice." "Oh so now all a sudden you about the finer things in life? We can switch places less you miss me. Erzulie said. Im only pointing out the obvious." Elegua said. Erzulie replied with silence, forcing life to flash before his eyes. She learned this from her Mother, Darkness. "Attitude is possessing you. I cant tell why but its a poison I dont deserve. I was only trying to help" He continued. "I just dont fuck with being called too early. So long as youre not too dense up your ass to take notice, safe to say i'm in some shit right now." "Clearly. A product of consequence." Elegua said randomly. "Yeah, recognize. Please, for me, baby?" "No more testing your patience, Goddess immortal of justice. Save that for what I came to tell you about." "Take me to cleanliness, saintly promise of wisdom. For im not feeling myself." They left the scene to the past and pondered on the pyramid they had just made with each other. "It's nice to be home." Erzulie said. Flying over the palm trees brought Elegua back to his power. "On the basis of love." Elegua said. The salt-water washed away all glimpses of doubt Erzulie had of her beauty. And she harnessed the pastels of the ocean. Thus, all guilt was abolished and unconditional love was convinced to dance within them. Drying his body under the rays of Amen reminded Elegua of his first words. Long ago, before Time was born. "O Father, you are so brilliant." "Thank you, son. I am the Light" "Then tell me, Father, if you are the Light, and are so brilliant, then why is it you flee from Darkness?" "All I do is my purpose, which seeks to balance harmony with creation. Although it is much more complicated than that. Like always I suppose. I'm afraid you ask me a question that I cannot answer. Here, because you are so curious, I will show you." "I'm ready, Father." Light grew brighter causing Elegua to cry in his recollection of what it felt like to say words. The links in his mind straining to pull in the right words. Not too plain to where the moment would be lost in happen stance, and not too radical so that his manhood could stay irrefutable (to convey meaning.) Then Light disintegrated into everything and Elegua searched for Light ever since. So Elegua went to the crossroads, and prodded Darkness for Light's wherabouts, "I want to relive the the moments before he left for eternity. Where can I find him?" Without a hug or a kiss, she told him to let go of his experience in order to live in the now, "Take his place and move forward. Grow up, your Daddy's gone cus you never did." "How could you say that me? I love you, Mom. Yet all I get is hate. Why are you hiding the truth from me?" "If I don't hate you, then who will? You got so much to learn that my heart breaks into brass. You must leave, understand me? LEAVE, before I do what your Father did and them some. I'm this close. Believe me." With nowhere else to go, Elegua obeyed the commands of his Mother. Although lonely at first, the spirits of the dead related to his despair, and offered to guide him through all the known and unknown realms of Ether, so long as he guided the spirits of the living to his Mother. So that the dead could learn for themselves the origins of their being dead. And when Light came back, they could say "Father, we know of Hate, now teach us Love." Elegua tried telling them that it was hopeless, that his Father was there, just not in the way they imagined, that they we're actually his Father and they had to realize it through an altered perception. but that negativity only made them more adament to their cause which annoyed Elegua into a manic spell of existential irony which persisted during times of war with the Snakes on 5th density. One battle in particular Badly wounded, he pulled his chariot with his arms to the middle of a corn-field on a full-moon during the Solstice, it was there he made a pact with his self, to never be ignorant to the fact that fate was an inescapable constant within all contributors to existence. That the very fabric that distinguishes the dead from the living was comprised of scattered shards of an indestructable essence that attached itself to the spirit-body via fate which is the Father of destiny. That the collective conscious is woven by the thread of Fate, thus binding a common goal, or Destiny, inherent to all beings of both polarities, thus setting in motion the spiral of gnosis, which lends itself to the spreading of keys that open the doors to helping each other fulfill each others Purpose. "I will collect the pieces of my Father so that I may speak with him again as I did as a child. I will never forget you because I love you. You are everything to me, which is all I ever could be. Please, I want to know why you flee in the face of Darkness."

____10/9/17 monday

My pace quickens as I veer away from the crowd onto the handicap stairs. I silently count my steps to give off a pensive, non-assuming vibe. Over by the quad theres crows just walking on the grass. Yet I'm the only one who seems to notice, even from a distance. The busses haul ass down Memorial St. I've learned to always be on alert because I'll never know whats waiting for me when I turn my attention off the floor and become reminded of string theory. Artificial energy, cork boards with grime on the edges, tunnel of dull ends, spongy plywood cielings. as i step with my head down and in every so sudden a demarcation in the bricks, the reptiles answer emails. This is where I'm going. Because my soul chose to live here at some point in time not too long ago considering the relationship between all that the universe has to offer and my general apathy towards said all as in any and all one. Which has become quite of a bore ever since the first week ended I had to come to terms with the reality that friends won't simply fall into my lap like they would if I wasnt such a masochist for being lonely. The row of pillars turn to one and all I see is the contentment in the air of the lobby. In the hallway are casually turned faces which glide about in a linear fashion like the ghost of a lost bride.. I get a side-view of the people afraid to admit that this is far from the paradise we expected it to be. The brochure in our acceptance letters didn't include the drunken nights of another dimension. I'm inside the life of an architect. One who's dead by now, but lives on through his work. I'm not going anywhere, the building would say, if it could talk. And I suppose it can. Because I just had the thought, and nothing is ever truly wrong without another thought to compare it to. But then if buildings could speak existed first, and was allowed to grow and find its place in the universe, then it'd be established enough to not warrant an adversary. But the question remains where, if it existed, was its fate organized before coming into my mind, awaiting my final judgement. Substitute me for a unicellular collective conscious and it seems like we're all dealers of fate her on planet earth of the milky way of the universe of the whatever comes next (should we ever know for sure). he or she deserves all the credit for it manifesting onto the grid of my consciousness, which is a zig zag joint's worth of a high right now. The perfect amount for not giving a fuck while still staying slick enough for witty comebacks. Which wouldn't hurt right now. This building isn't going anywhere. Though I wish it would. Because I dread what I'm about to do How he must have pained to communicate something he could call his own while maintaining a dignified and safe, always safe, because god forgive, well, you know, , putting the pen to the pad, drawing collumns in front of a Victorian fassad Succumbing to authority just to eat with a roof over your head and not freeze your ass off like a homeless freak. Profit margins in the final half of quarter one are lower than 1 standard deviation to what is considered by corporate to be optimal. As of now, the college has no incentive to ship in product from outside sources. All inventory must be stored in house to the buyer's demand. You better not be late.

___ On the parking deck

Tycho: “I had a dream I was on an internet forum. Someone posted the words: “life is an endless hell. With a blurry picture of a street at night-time. Not much different from what’s in front of us. I thought that made sense, until I scrolled down, to see a video looking out the windshield of a vintage rolls royce, coasting along a pacific highway. And the lines kept going. Next thing you know I’m falling down a pitch black waterslide, dreading my destination. If I never woke up I have a funny feeling i know where it was leading.

Preacher: In that instance did you feel the need to repent for your sins?

Tycho: No. that didn’t cross my mind. It was too late at that point.

Miranda: “I used to.

T: What made it stop?

Miranda: Seeing all the happy people around me. And knowing that they’ve been through the same shit. Break-ups, Death in the family, just generally feeling lost.

My heart was broken ”

T: Getting over the mind can be a dark place when it has nowhere else to rest. You can train it to think anything.”

Miranda: True

Tycho: Lately Ive been taking these long drives late at night into the boonies. Just to see where I up. I realized theres so many lives I’ll never know about.

If i wasnt born into money maybe I’d be humble enough to hate myself for even thinking such a thing.

How’d you get out of that?

Miranda:

These know it all professors are getting on my nerves. I fear Im crossing into an abyss I’ll never fully understand. Honestly I can’t fuckin stand these people. What name do I have to make for myself that i haven’t already experienced in the depths of my soul?

Tyco: You know how they try to act like they all official and shit, like I won’t see past it.

Miranda: [agreement] They do that.

Tyco: [stream of consciousness] So I just told her look I know its a rule, but I’m all about learning at my own pace and no disrespect i love her but Mrs. Soso can only go so far in telling me how to write. You can give tips and tricks but at the end of the day, I’ve been developed my writing style.. Like I thought we were done with all this high school shit. Well I didnt say that.

M: And what’d she say?

Tyco: She was like “As you get further into your major 90% of your assignments will be in essay format.. we require full participation “ At this im like she gonna hit me with the book like hell nah THEN outta nowhere She said “However, I also believe in 2nd chances.”. On the outside I was cool but inside I was like “*fist bump* yo i cannot fail outta college like someone watchin out for me idk who but-

Chad: fuck that shiiiiit *holds up white rum in front of street light”

Friend in background: 12! 12! 12!

Abrupt scene change. Camera shows Tyco zoned out. Then police car, as Tyco begins to hide behind the tree hes smoking on.

My black hoodie and phone-call to my dealer will still be with me tomorrow as I do the same thing.

(From a dream 10/23)

Tyco is driving around serving with Shantel when she lights her phone up from the passenger seat and puts the phone to her ear.

Shantel: You are not finna be talkin all that mess on my phone. Be honest with yourself. Don’t lie. You a hoe ass bitch.

?? Caller: Why are you even calling me? I dont give a fuck.

Shantel: Wait till I pull up then and slap the shit out you. Would that be better sweety?

?? Caller: I’m at Kawaii’s 30 deep. Bring your lil boyfriend and see what happens.

Shantel: Try me bitch.

[ The economy sedan turns right on red seemingly without breaking. ]

Tyco: 30 deep huh?

Shantel: With them ratchets.

Tyco: She sounds scared as hell aint nobody sticken up for her like that. You know they gonna talk shit right but soon as we throw them hands they gon be like, I dont know that bitch.

Shantel: nah but she stupid tho like not even worth all that extra

Tyco: We’re going. Wheres that nigga house i’ll waze that shit and we get there we just pop off. Aite?

[Not looking at the road, but to her, coasting down an average 2-lane with box neon trimmed tire shops and drive-thru windows governed stately as immovable beasts of mothership stores lurk behind low-sodium trenches of the new world order’s surveillence agenda for mass poplations en masse. ]

Just follow me. I’m walkin in and gonna start a commotion just bussin and you just break this bottle on her mother fuckin head and we out.

Shantel: haaah what okay

Tyco: You’re gonna fuck her shit up som serious.

Shantel: She talk shit about you.

Tyco: It’s in the stars babe for real.

Shantel: You gonna help me find that bitch?

Tyco: You my fucken queen I love you and I got you.

Neighborhood entrance.

Cars parked for miles.

House identified first glance.

Park.

Car doors..

Hip-Hop

Grass.

Walkway.

Steps.

Porch.

Door opens and yellow tops within the frame.

!! WHERE YOU AT// YALL FAKE AND CANT FINESSEE !!

AAAAAH YOU UGLY DARK SKINNED NIGROS

The caller is sitting on a couch ass to ass with other dudes. Looking stupid.

She never saw Shantel. Who came upon her like The Ring.

She has become a party magnet. It is a Slayer concert now. Nobody knows who’s who. Though Tyco is surely getting his ass beat. He catches of glimpse of Shantel’s fat ass ducking through the doorway and he could die right now and it wouldnt matter.

*GUN SHOT*

FUCK GOIN ON HERE MANE

“This not the place for you bro. - White boy comin up here in my place of business - Tryna pop shit off like you really not a bitch”

Kawaii looks up with his glock-9 extendo at his GD party mostly all gone just like that. The poor girl is still leaking.

“She need to go to the hospital.” Her friend says.

He points the glock at his head. Despair.

“Look around before I kill you.” An invitation.

Tycho: “I sold a 4 oz today after my accounting exam. I could be GD, 74, rock purp. whatever it be its nothing but Respect yo. Got connects with chad and Becky nahmean dog. Could put you on to some numbers they white and they fiends. Please OG.

“How much for a zip.”

“80, gas.”

“Was that yo bitch?”

“yea”

Kawaii: You lyin to me?

“No.”

“She eat your ass?”

“Yeah and bounce on my BIG ASS DICK” Tyco says with autism.

K walks away.

T: they don't even sell Molly bruh

K is you fucken high you dummies. Beat this nigga ass. *Tyco imagines the why the fuck you lyyin vine and remembers the exact moment he realized that wasnt an original song but actually a spin off of a classic throwback jam by the 90s R&B group “Next” in their hit single “Too Close”.. He was driving home from the cafe he used to write high school essays in while smoking a menthol american spirit with the windows rolled down on a spring evening playing KISS 104.1 Atlantas classic jams. Then he realized there was a full 6 minute video of the vine on youtube. After watching it he felt gayer. Thats all it did for him.

Tycho wakes up on living room floor.Terry (random G, on couch): *Hands him note× Kawaii said he's sorry. No hard feelings ya heard dog?

Tyco: I guess thugs act on impulse. *looks at note* and don't count on a gahdamn thing you bitchass motherfuckers. Tyco walks into class with a black eye. The Professor talks about interest loans. Tyco meets Moe after class in parking lot.

*Moe: Waddup

Tyco: It's lemon og I just got in.

Moe: Bet. Those last cookies you got. Bomb dude. It had them frar mother fuckers leanin like they can't handle that purp like that nahmean.*laughs*

Tyco: I got some backwoods you wanna hotbox.

Moe: Yo I'm down.

10/24/17 thursday

____ Last night I decided not to hate myself. The look I get from them doesnt bother me. Really, its a simple sign from nature that I’m used to by now. A wrong impression can sustain the fog of memory, of which I will be seen from the lens of another dimension, with not a care in the world, an angel in disguise. Thats the crux of my life up to this point. To no longer hate myself. But appear as if I still do. The nameless place in our past with no address., one of which even a frat boy can relate to. This invisible standard that’s thrown us into the pits of despair must be addressed. To seperate the real from the fake. Like the others are sleep walking through class fronting like they dont see me. The pyramid of perspective is an accordian overlayed on my third eye, televising scenes of sleep walkers who stay fronting like they dont see me. Walking behind the parking deck where green dumpsters were with my phone to my ear is a feeling that remains within me until I do the same thing over again in a few days. Buying in bulk never appealed to me. And if a 20 a g was the price thered be nothing my lonely ass could do. Fuck this worthless paper, I tell myself.

I tell myself. Anyone who catches my glimpse pauses for a split second, calibrating my own opinion of the why in life. A definition of nuance that was never meant to be expressed but felt. To sense what I’ve been wanting, free and alone, after all those wasted days.

I’m signalling. Though I havent been approached yet.

Figuring that would resolve the look I give other people. I mean, christ, I turned 18 last March. And spent the Summer in a last ditch effort to secure an identity before I made my plays in college. For too long I’ve avoided the call of the light and in return have gotten blank stares.

(SOMEHOW gets wrapped up into a petty conversation with sorirty girl (on top of parking deck.)

Clarissa: I was the only one alone in the entire party.

Tycho: Why didnt you leave?

T: Dont worry I dont wanna know your major.

C; Good cus it keeps changing.

T: You think you know everything dont you? This world aint nothin babe.

C: Why do you say that?

T: What do you wanna know? That I get money? Thats nothin.

Clarissa drifts off.

Hannah: So Stacy’s telling me the banners weren’t in that right place and we’re like an hour away from starting and we still haven’t even got the chairs in order and barely anyone who was suppose to be here has shown up yet.

Tycho: Where were they?

“Well for one, Candace, I dont know whats her problem lately, but shes been gone because her best-friends now telling her she’s not rushing anymore but thats honestly a relief because that girl wheres winged eyeliner and thinks shes better than us.”

Tycho: Oh, I think I’ve seen that girl at the library or something.

I intuit that in order to justify her reasoning for not liking the winged eyeliner girl, that she channeled my very own resonant storm cloud of which I emit silently in the face of vanity..

H: Well you’ll probably see her there a lot more cus shes definitely not with us.

“Okay so thats one.” I say as if taking notes.

“Then Rachel’s out at some charity event that I never even heard of probably with a guy she’s not telling us about which is so frustrating that of all days you pick friday night at the peak of rush to go be a hoe behind our backs.”

“Did she ever show up to the party?”

“Yeah. And she was fucking drunk.” She said as if surprised but not really because this is Rachel we’re talking about, after all.

“Like wasted orrr “

“Damn I didnt know yall got down like that.”

“Umm when youre stumbling through the door and your first words to all the new girls is hallelujah bitches!

She wasn’t with a guy.

“So tell me more about the party. Like was there”

who nobody knows anyway

is that Cheyenne is just out of it because her friends now telling her she doesnt want to rush anymore and for one its like look,

Wait, who’s hannah?

Hannah’s the leader of her sorority.

Ooooh, Okay, I see why now

-Yeah, I mean if word got around that would literally mean she was going around their backs to cover up that she was lying.

> Right. Yeah I hear what you sayin. She’s trying to make it seem as if it never concerned yall in the first place but if thats the case then she dont need to be acting like she got the right to be trusted.

This goes beyond reputation. Manipulating emotions just cus she has none of her own. Conniving biitch. just to get her way goes beyond reputation.

Aint nobody wanna be around that energy.

> So what you tell her?

I get schizophrenic when it comes accepting new ways of being. The person I made him out to be was the perfect cure for my suffering. All those forgetful nights of boredom I knew what I needed all along, but was to scared to do it myself.

------ Frat house halloween party kidnap scene ----

GD shaman prays to shango for power to go out by mantra. Squad in car repeats the same mantra. The power goes out at 1:00 (or peak of the party).

Tycho throws blue flare through the side of the window

at the Tycho must find Chad and lure him downstairs near the door so the squad can get the keys to the room full cocaine and adderal. After looking everwhere he’s no where to be found. He walks in on a couple having with the girl in missionary with devil ears. “Yo chad that you?” Its

(fuckem x3) Music stops from power so he sneaks in wireless speaker in his robot costume and puts it at one end of the room. Squad member 1 will carry bigger wireless speaker and set it down when he storms in. Tycho also brings a timed strobe light to distract people and keep the illusion of the party still going.

Tycho runs down stairs and towards door with chad chasing him. Squad slaps tape and mask on him and carries like a battering ram although theyve already kicked the door.

*Power turns back on*

“Fuck em, fuck em, nigga get out my section

Don’t want to see him, I don’t want to touch him

*waves zippo lighter in front of face so chad can see him through mask*

“Ima count 3 seconds and your dead on 5 if i dont get this combination” says calmly. thus saiyth the lord thy god”

“Three... No mercy”

“Two.. Shall be given unto those”

*gives code*

“One.”

Love takes many shapes and forms.Tycho never opened up to people, hating himself for being incapable of feeling what others felt. He wanted more so he went spiritual. Which his close friends perceived as going off the deep end."Ayy whatsup bro you tryna smoke?""I have a calc exam tomorrow but I'm down after."Aight good luck on your studying tonight and then kill it tomorrow I know you got this calc is your specialty can't say the same for me but that's why you always tutored me haha."Let me know if you need more help. Figuring their was no bounds and he could be whatever, even silent, and experience irony rather than fate. How bland, he thought, to have a life plan and nothing to look forward to. Running drugs would be a necessary chain reaction. The highest elixer exceeding the bliss provided by the very weight he'd be pushing, itd be getting off on defying his own life, leaving spirit his only option. And so like a blackbird his soul seeks experience only in the clearest degree of visibility. Swerving transgressions of lonliness to levy the burdens of contrived responsibilities at societies every turn until his flight patterns veer from the trodden path to and fro the calling of reality in which he desires to preside over as a God of many statures. Untainted by works, head first into the entity of the adversary, of which he is able to predict the situational consequence in only a glimpsing moment before havoc ensues and the final hour is upon him, his loose wings coated with astral charcoal of depravity. Be caught slipping once and he loses the jump until the enevitable program takes its course - an unstoppable relationship between fate and reckoning that must be fulfilled as day turns to night. Once that happens he reverts back to being like the rest of them. Yet to the world, now desolated beyond repair, hed still be alive, exuding a calm presence that something is not quite right with him existing without remorse. The truth is simple enough, a hint just ever so slight as to never be able to cross the threshold of utterance, thus becoming rendered a convinction of self delusion on the part of the unknowing accuser, who by this time hates himself for even thinking badly of such a good guy to make peace with. The collage curtails past the illusion of what is already known and at last the watchers take notice and thus regeneration is able to take place along all the land, allowing for new energy to take the throne of anticipation. One that has harnessed the potential to become anything the wonder puts his mind too. So what if I'm imaginative? Yolandra: I mean everyone's different in their own way. Like yeah the soroitys have a dress code and all that Starbucks and capris. But I don't know. You just have to get know a person for who they are and not how the outside world perceives them to be. T: So what'd you first think of me? Yolandra: Honestly not much anything. You were one of those people who could be anything. But then I overheard you say taurus's are gold diggers and I hated you cus I'm a taurus. T: Oh sorry I really didn't mean it like that but c'mon now I can tell you have a taste for finer things you bougie little.. Boob. *laugh\ haha "you know what I mean" It doesn't bother you? What? That so much could go wrong so quickly? Look, deep down he's telling you his heart lies with getting over and you let him because that's /just what you like about him, how deep he gets. cus he's a sad and selfish individual who was never about loving anything other than vanity. The best thing to do would be to trust his actions, intentions aren't what's important right now. Really, forget about the soul connection. Loves comes through all types of people as long as you're open to receiving them. Those energies. Don't lose yourself in the illusion. Without ever taking credit for what truly matters which should be you. Then your fashion made sense to me. T: I'm so caught up in myself. I mean, it's impossible to know anything else. I'll never get to stand in your shoes. Its just truth. Yet I'm the bad guy. You're not like the other people I've met. T: Yeah I'm kind of loner if you couldn't tell already. I guess that's a good thing.T: Hey it's okay. I get that a lot... Wait what do you mean you guess? Ive found that who evers saying does a 180 in their normalcy. Knowing your even here right now is a good thing. Knowing that you're with me even when im not. Don't you think? Starting out with confidence and ending strong to be lucky if I'm not hurt. Tell me what you want out of this. Sometimes I feel so lame, then I realize how fun itd be to not care. Through the window screen i see parchments and grass blades, this is an image I've sought to ignore for its blandness thinking I was over recognizing such mundane structures. The sunlight made me drunk with non verbal contemplation. I crave this heat when I'm in low spirits. And a breeze when I'm high. My thoughts are channeled from a lonely place (My thoughts come from a lonely place) I've had no choice but to become accustomed to for my own sanity. To work faster and breach that veil of reckonning. So unreachable and enticing at the same time.T When I'm alone, welcome something more than the past if you ever cared to help me. This isn't the only world out there. And even if it was the material would eventually reach infinity. Then a black hole would open or something. Don't quote me on that, science is the hottest thing going right now. It cant hurt to butt in unofficially. As long as no one calls you on it. The universe molds to your confidence. That's another story. At the end of the day, I have too much pride to be a scientist. The God they're serving calls for a lot of self sacrifice. A self that ignores emergency when called to speak. A self i'm not prepared to lose. "Why are you here again, nothing will change, you're gonna be quiet like last time" any handle on reality I had during the sun rise flees like an ex girlfriend into the night. I'm not prepared to lose. Anxiety is that humid feeling you get when roughnecking the time away. Jaded peripherals, internet browsing, and fading friends initiate a color spectrum so cruelly vivid in its inability to be shared with the CVS cashier who looked at you wrong because you bought 3 4oz bottles of robitussin. A man who couldnt care to see the streets, stop signs, and traffic lights. Man is a slang term we use when caught in the moment. Of which matrix programming loves to grasp onto. --- 10/25/17 wednesday So here I am enjoying a piece of lackluster nothing for the sake of something I've agreed to experience in a past life I can't even remember but somehow must make amends to as if its an actual concrete thing I can touch and make sense out of without caring to ponder how life puts us in these type situations like getting your hair done a new way and meeting a friend of a friend superficially without ever following up like aight word up bro I feel you by the way hows life and what's the special fact I should become one with in this moment while not thinking too much in to things or else id be alone as if we're not alive under the stars for any other reason than to be happy but still to me that becomes too much like a flash in time rather than something meaningful because then sex would have to be our purpose for being here but you and I both know it's more complicated than that so we look into it via memories and realize the journey was brighter than the reward as in I don't remember the actual sex part but rather the day as a whole with stained glass sprinkled in on a film reel to push the past into something real and unexplainably alluring to the self of which we projected this light onto in order to perhaps know in advance maybe how to repeat this metaphysical phenomenon for a second time because we're not quite there yet although at this rate if seems that to finally reach a state of thereness would mean we wouldn't be able to be here right now having this conversation like a building block struck from below or a house of cards we have to keep faith that every moment plays its part because we had an emotion for it and therefore couldn't be rendered to nothing in a wreckless attempt force it all together rather let each tile compliment it's neighbor and bypass the need for destruction by allowing enough caring energy to flow through that filter mechanism within you that deems lifes moments as worth remembering or forgetting and pretend you never heard about forgetting and avoid it like the plague because everything that ever was is depending on you to go forth into righteous so that gods original intention for letting go of unwanted baggage be synthesized within your vessel of upgrades intelligence so that the journey can still be appreciated only this time without th deceptive veil of the end. to question the little things that somehow don't mean much but at the same time appear to us daily as conduits for good fortune and thats what we must uphold ___ 11/2/17 thursday

I you and me playcated on a surface of stones that match our longing to search in the wrong places. Convenient are we done such a conceivable time that is time which is also time because what more can be said other than us winding down a fire escape to an inexplicable hatch sitting like paper mache on our transformative spiritual natures. Gone already but not forgotten just make sure to take the negative side of every situation involving 1 or more parties so as to make sure the rythym is in order because you can't go wrong with challenging the status quo of an area you're not suppose to be in even if that seems too easy and superficial it's the right choice because even the idea of rebellion as a bad thing must be able to project into a physical thing prompt for examination so secrets may be revealed. Wouldn't you know i stopped believing in faith due to its redundancy of chasing metaphysical strings too far out for us to put into words and isn't that the source of all our angst. Depraved of propositional phrases and elemental tables it's all so clear to me now. Casandra had a bag and Mikey had his sneakers in the forefront like a low hanging fruit but of course they had personalities that weren't so easy to see unless the hard work of interfacing came into the equation. Lets judge people based on judging for the sake of basing ourselves onto something not within our realm of reality. Perception is a hard question i think maybe inanimate objects could tell us a thing or two. Low pressure sodium lamps.Documentorial lecture hall amps failing to reach the end of the pyramid turned 90 degrees away from its focal point. May disease not reach our unexplainable selves if ever they may inhabit our temporary vessels like a friend who has no friends but you and wants desperately to get along with others but is attached to your ways. Are we in hell? What can our astral travels tell us about signaling locations with Etheric marks of time dialation. Things are what they are by defintion or they wouldn t be things however stepping the observer up a notch sets in motion cancer to grow from the singular notion that we ourselves separate on a cost of lightening our load. I am partly responsible for this mess we have made. Pulling my hair out in thin strands so as to not make a difference. Some people just don't understand what it means to be so far gone yet in a place of enchantment that lets us know we're not alone as Michael Jackson plays on the ham radio and Wikipedia says the song was written by r kelly. I'm a solitary young man, joined at the seams complacency and red-ridden vanishing points to a line of sight I'd rather not identify with if I had a choice. I'm seriously considering becoming rich and famous despite others already forcing me to. I guess eventually my spirit will give in as my soul looks from a distance and says what a fool I am then goes about his day. You can't be like the rest of them no matter how hard you try. Thinking on the sensualities you avoided after this rap shit led you no where. The palace at the height of creation where Jesus stopped and stared to collect his thoughts before he kept going when his alarm rang as his slave bending consistency tracked the new melinnia into a moldy piece of sandstone cheese the better of which tasted nutty with fruity notes and 80% abv shards of liquid glass on the throat thatd make even an immortal weep a shy tear or two. The pigs down in Mississippi feel things we can't understand in their slaughterhouse decrepit and forwarned in a musk ridden air flow that's non existent to hypocritical angels who were supposed to stop atrocity but opted to sit on their ads and play virtua tennis all day. Oink says the pig. Hee haw says the donkey. Give me life says the God and there on the 30th night fags came to tell the story on their faces. The bag lady told them to shut up and stop whining but they wouldn't listen though they lost their ability to speak. Goodness gracious me oh my great balls of fire. Great balls of ball you are the Lord of my lonely century in this dimension I took awareness to when I allowed you into my heart space.And then I left asking my self: Who is this I?

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Let’s stand for a while and think about the dastardly ways we have gone under the waters and flew away from temptation. Have us saying isnt it so pretty to be in something and have that to fall back on due to the struggles of forgetting the place we come from which didnt always have it out for us this bad in refusing us of inconjunctions we can at least point to and blame our problems on saying “See! There, I told you so. That’s why we cant find our beginning!” And we’ll keep toilling the fields as halflings saving up for a chance to leave the very universe we serve. “So thats more like it. Finally something I can get my flows on to” Shelly the alien said. “The Stars dont have to like you just because you see them. They have their place and so do we” Gerald said. “Oh but they do.” “How do you know?” “Well for one they always shine bright at the most oppurtune times, like when I’m feeling down about the part of myself that conveinently seems to escape me just when I need it most. If that be so then put me on to something else and that’ll do just fine.” “Perhaps you're not as big as you thought ” Gerald held up his hand to salvage what was left of the dissolving psychic barrier between them. An invisible giant with an ocd issue. For now he could only listen. “No im not here to choose and thats exactly why Im not afraid to go where you can’t. Having the courage to admit your wrongs requires as much energy as universal rotation itself - a force which exists beyond our pleaidien awareness. ” “ But Shel- Okay whatever” Gerald paused and rolled the horizon through his scaly fingertips. “Keep calling on the unknown and you might get lost because it’s been there forever and sometimes Look, Shelly, no offense, you know I love you, but your awareness has no filter on what representation it can cling onto like danger isnt a reality to you. Me and Dazel always had to look out for you and thats just in this world what makes you think you can take on things you cant even see? “But do you believe in me? Anyone can say they love me. I’ve been hearing that my whole life. So much that it holds the same meaning as “um” does in conversation. Is that really the final conclusion we have at the end of the day? That you love me? Besides, I dont think you really meant that.”

“Here goes Miss Type-1 personality again. Always needing to label circles into squares, stars into gods, this as that, out of an inability to cope with insecurity. Leaving the rest of us as unwilling participants.”

“HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT’S WRONG IN NATURE?” Shelly bawled.

The beach of Temofose was out of walking distance from the orange cottage they grew up in with there Mom. When they were young it was somewhere theyd go when they had nothing else to do. Euweu Sister Beach was the brighter of the two, but now too populated for their liking. Temofose is less frequented by other families and polluted by cargo ships and a lack of open views but as they stood there a semblence of twilight through the holographic cages offered closure to the purpose of them arguing in the elements about a timeline Shelly was going to step into And no matter what argument he could put forth, Gerald thought of it fruitless unless he spoke from his heart, a heart of which Shelly was currently taking the place of, so that he could not use it against her. “Shelly, I just hope you can understand how I dont want to let you go.” “I’m sorry you feel that way. But it’s my choice. Have a good njght Gerald. I love you” She said as she went into darkness.

Summer Break 2018

As a street light exploring strip malls, I am a linoleum tile on top of a trapezoid emitting frames of rave scenes. Heres where I find myself walking through last nights dream of the gang member selling duck pussy then getting assaulted by a pizza guy and a cop. Alone after those nights. Seems love was never meant to be expressed but felt. I look inside to see if I’m about to die, seeing diamonds mixed with sky. Materializing in the backdrop of my memories. Now I know why.

Now I know.

Then a wren on the fence manifests when it needs to. The perspective pyramid is that I pleaded for a higher calling. There’s nobody bohemian as me. One day I’ll take this civic off the road and escape into my sacred grove. If only I wasnt such a bitch.

I carry my single briefcase through the airport parking lot. I’m hot and out of breath. Everyone watching me. I can read their thoughts but not my own. They say look at the guy who isnt me but is still conscious enough to move his vessel.

The a/c runs down to the end of the terminal, but my spirit is squared by the stores selling vain material. The pyramid of perspective is an accordian overlayed on my mind’s eye televises scenes too chaotic to put into words. Walking through customs is an event to be remembered, I tell myself. Anyone who catches my glimpse pauses for a split second, calibrating my own opinion of the why in life. A definition of nuance that was never meant to be expressed but felt. To sense what I’ve been wanting, free and alone, after all those wasted days. I board the flight to say finally I am my own religion. If I was flying over africa I’d see bon fires, but over Georgia I only see street lights. Thinking how absurd that they will speak of me as crazy. Others will listen. A vibration through these amber aisles to look no further than my destiny. Because everyone has their destination is the way it goes. I refuse. I’m tired of being a number. Atlanta had its place. Now I’m homeless in Tokyo. This is the not-so perfect end to the chapter planned out for me by the higher power. Not-so bad neither.

Save me. I’m on the other side now.

#chapter 1 #short-story #novella #atl streetz #cancer moon #tryna

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