#but if we don't count it or jobs i've had less than a month then i'm on job 5

[yawnderu]

A/N: We made it to 3k less than a month after I reached 2k followers 🥺<3!!

I was genuinely not expecting this when I first made my account, but so far I've gotten so much support and I've met so many lovely people. I'm always reading your comments and reblogs, you mfs are hilarious JFEHJBFEHJB💕Onto the nasty sinful monkey sex now.

Synopsis: tired of working a dead-end job with no rewards, your childhood best friend offers you a job at his company, promising the stress levels are minimal and the pay is good. You accept with no second thoughts, not realizing you were tricked into becoming a stress relief toy for his men.

CW: humiliation, hard sex, gangbang, double vaginal, triple penetration, unsafe sex, creampie, 14 vs 1, cum swallowing, bukkake, spit kink, cockdrunk reader, deepthroat, handjobs, size kink, watersports.

Being a commander who saw his soldiers as family, Graves knew he always had to watch out for his men, reward them for their hard work and loyalty, and what better way to do that than with a sweet little thing like you? Their own personal stress relief toy, who was tricked into taking a job at the Shadow Company, yet so willing to please. So eager.

"You're enjoying this more than you should." He's teasing you, of course, yet his cocky expression does nothing to help the pooling warmth on your stomach. One of the shadows is sitting behind you, gloved hands hooked under your knees to keep your legs open while Graves grinded his clothed boner on your bare cunt, the fabric feeling almost painful if it wasn't for how wet you are.

"Maybe I am." You manage to reply, barely able to speak between whiny moans and soft gasps, his cock rubbing in all the right places, but the stimulation wasn't enough. No, he had been teasing you like this for the past 20 minutes, making his men watch as you became a putty mess in his hand. The shadows were men of discipline and self-control, keeping their hands folded politely behind their backs, ignoring their painful, throbbing cocks until their commander allowed them to use their brand new chew toy.

"I want you to know," He began, hand slipping under your chin firmly to force you to look up at him, hard cock rubbing faster up and down your cunt, pressing into you harder. "That I ain't playin' with you, Stray. My men will do anythin' I tell them to. Last chance to pull out." He warned and you shook your head no, his cocky smile growing even wider as his other hand went to squeeze your tit, looking for any signs of discomfort and much to his delight, seeing none.

"I can take it." The words are more of a reassurance to yourself, gaze drifting around the room and counting the men inside. 14, including Graves. You swallow thickly, nervous eyes drifting back to Graves, who simply raises an eyebrow in return, waiting for you to realize just how fucked up you are if you don't pull out.

"I can take it." You repeat, slowly believing the words more and more. He simply smiles and ruffles your hair affectionately, the same way he always did growing up.

"Attagirl." He pulled away from you and you can see the satisfaction in his eyes, knowing you'll do a good job for him. He nods to his men and they quickly get to work, hands groping you all over, long fingers entering your cunt roughly to the point you're becoming nothing but a whiny, whimpering mess. They're rough and impatient, your wrists being grabbed and forced onto their hard cocks until you're willingly jerking them off, hands barely able to wrap around their thick lengths. It's intimidating, yet so hot to be locked in a room full of hormonal, pent-up military men.

"On your knees." One of them commands, yet you're forced on your knees before you can even try to get up. Four cocks are in front of you and you begin sucking with no hesitation, eyes closing as you give into your role at the company. Your lips wrap around one of them, slowly taking him deeper until he gets too impatient and forces your head down to the base, the gagging noises your throat lets out simply making it feel better.

"Good girl." You don't even know who's praising you, but it's enough to give you the encouragement you needed, starting to bob your head up and down until you're pulled off the cock, a new one being shoved down your throat. They're using you— you know it, and you're letting them. You get passed around, tasting and sucking on different dicks while your hands keep themselves busy, deep moans and groans coming from above you. They get too impatient quick, the man you recognize as Oz wrapping his fingers on your hair, pulling on it until you willingly get up, throwing you into bed and opening your legs wide with brutal force. You look down, eyes widening as you see just jow thick he is.

"You said you could take it, ain't that right?" He uses your words against you, the tip of his cock rubbing up and down your folds, your head dropping back as a moan escapes your lips. That's all he needs for confirmation, hands firmly holding the curve of your waist before he buries his cock to the hilt in one thrust. A pained moan escapes your lips, eyebrows furrowing as your nails dig into his arm— the pretty, long acrylic nails Graves paid for earlier that day.

"Shit... S‐slow down, asshole." The way you struggle to take him is almost cute, a cocky smirk pulling on his lips as he shakes his head no once, holding onto you tighter while he slams in and out of you. You don't have much room to complain before another cock is being shoved into your face, your lips willingly wrapping around the tip, hollowing your cheeks while your tongue circles all over it. Your whiny moans are muffled as you slowly begin to suck more and more, the pleasure of being groped all over and being fucked good slowly getting rid of any hints of regret you may have.

"Fucking slut." Oz says, hand coming up to gently pinch and pull on your nipples while he fucks into you faster. All you can do is nod, tears dotting your eyelashes at the mix of pain and pleasure, using the cock in your mouth to cover up the embarrassing sounds escaping you from being a used like a whore. Your body is manhandled into another position, a different shadow underneath you who wastes no time on fucking into your cunt, filling you just as much as Oz was. Your hands are kept busy jerking off more cocks while your mouth is put into good use again, muffling the moan of protest that threatens to escape when you feel the tip of a dick teasing the entrance of your ass.

"Wait—" You manage to speak when the shadow takes his cock out of your throat to give you time to breathe, only to be interrupted by your throat being forced open again. You close your eyes tightly, trying your best to relax, the folds of your tight hole slowly being eased, the man is being surprisingly gentle for someone who holds so much power over you.

"Good girl." He praises softly, voice deep with desire, yet holding so much care. His hand gently caresses your ass as he bottoms out, giving you time to adjust before his hands rest on your waist, pulling you up and down his cock, the thin layer of skin diving your ass and cunt making the pleasure even greater. It doesn't take much before you're willingly slamming your hips down, moving in your own pace and fucking yourself into the big cocks inside you like a greedy whore, too eager to wait.

"Lovely girl, ain't she?" You can recognize Grave's voice, choosing to ignore it for now as you simply focus on feeling good. It doesn't take long until the men are taking turns with you, wet cunt leaking everywhere, yet none of them seem to care. You wince as you feel a second cock on the entrance of your pussy, nervous, yet eager to please. You don't even have to lift your head to know whose cock it is— fucking Phillip Graves. The man who got you into this situation on the first place... which you're now glad happened.

He's surprisingly gentle as he squeezes his cock into your airtight hole, the pain of the stretch only being overpowered by the feeling of a cock slamming back into your throat, nose hitting dark, curly pubes every single time the masked man makes you deepthroat him. Your whiny moans are mixed in with the lewd, wet sounds of your holes being used and abused. You lost count of how many times you were filled, mind too hazy from all the overstimulation, yet you can register the door closing behind them, leaving you alone with Graves.

''Attagirl.'' He praises, his hand running down the length of your sweaty hair as his soft cock settles into your cum-stained lips, half-lidded eyes looking up at him with curiosity. Your mouth is suddenly filled with a warm liquid and you swallow without thinking about it, eyes closing once he's done pissing into your slutty mouth. He slowly pulls out, putting his cock back in his pants and admiring the mess his men did of your body, covered in cum and small bruises from their strong hold when they were fucking you.

''I got another job for ya. Ever heard of the 141?''

[blissfulbarbie]

I Hope You're Happy / Joel Miller x Reader

Description: Joel breaks up with you, thinking that he's setting you free to chase your dreams. And you do. And he gets another girl pregnant. And you meet each other in the cereal aisle of the grocery store. And you hope the other is happy. But you're not. You're both not.

Word count: 2.6k

A/N: Angst angst angst. No outbreak AU.

Deep down, you knew this day would come. What did you expect, dating someone 10 years older than you? You just didn’t think it would come this soon. Or that it would hurt this much. 

As you sat there in the dimly lit living room, the weight of Joel's words hung heavily in the air. It had been a typical evening, sharing a meal and telling each other about your day, but something felt different tonight. The air seemed heavy with tension and Joel’s smiles didn’t really reach his eyes, betraying an inner turmoil that you hadn't seen before.

"Listen," he began, his voice tinged with regret, "I’ve been thinking a lot about something."

You felt a knot tightening in your stomach as you nodded, prompting him to continue.

Joel stared at the floor, avoiding your gaze. "I love you. So much. More than I ever thought I could love someone. But, I can't keep pretending that I can give you everything you deserve. I'm 35, and I've lived a life that's... complicated. I don't want to tie you down, especially when you have so much of the world left to explore."

You tried to understand his perspective. Tried to see where he was coming from but all you could think was, Why now? Why now when I’ve already fallen in love with you?

"I don't want you to look back one day and regret being with me," he continued, his voice gentle as he clasps both of your hands in his. "I couldn’t live with myself if one day you look at me and all I’d see is regret in your eyes. I want you to experience the world, to find your own path. I know you'll go on to do amazing things, and I don't want to be the reason you didn't." His eyes glimmered with tears. 

“And what about what I want?” You stared back at him, defiant. “What if I want to be here with you?”

He smiled softly and shook his head. “You know, I could be selfish and keep you here with me. But what can you achieve in this town, really? You had such big dreams when we met, remember? Don’t think I forgot.” 

He was right. You passed on a few big job opportunities in New York when you settled down with Joel, and you kept telling yourself you’d apply next week, which became next month, next year, until it never happened. Suddenly a fancy job and new apartment in the Big Apple didn’t seem appealing anymore. Not when you had Joel. 

“Dreams change.” was all you managed to get out before your throat started to tighten and you felt the prickling of tears in your eyes.

Joel pulled you in for a hug and buried his face in your shoulder. “Don’t change them for me. Never for me.” 

Deep down, you knew you had to go. Not because you wanted to, but because you knew Joel would never forgive himself if you didn’t. It was ironic and so painfully stupid that it hurt - he thought this breakup would help you and you went through with it to help him. 

So there you went. You packed your bags and you were out of there in less than a week. You moved in with a friend in New York for a couple of months until you secured a stable job and an apartment. You followed Joel's advice, exploring the world, pursuing your dreams, and building a life that was uniquely your own. You missed him more than you cared to admit, but you knew that his intentions had been pure, and in a way, it did benefit you. 

You have proper savings now, and you are a fully independent adult, carving your way painfully through a year of hard work, job searches, apartment hunting - all while navigating a broken heart. And while you love your new life, late at night in the dark of your fancy new apartment overlooking the city skyline, you often found yourself thinking, was it all worth it? 

But you shake your head out of the daze eventually. Because if it isn’t worth it then all the pain and all the tears were for nothing. So you had to love this life. Forced yourself to love it because that’s what Joel wanted for you. Joel. Even now, you still live for Joel. 

Until you didn’t. Your fingers freeze on your phone as you read the caption on Cassie’s new instagram post with a man who looks all too familiar. 

Excited to welcome a new chapter into our lives. 👶❤️

Your stomach sinks. Your phone drops to the bed. And tears sting your eyes. No. It can’t be. You pick up the phone again and there he is. Your Joel, messy hair as if he just rolled out of bed and his scruffy beard. Smiling at Cassie who’s holding a picture of an ultrasound. CASSIE? And JOEL?

You try to think back to every interaction they had during the course of your relationship but it had never been more than polite small talk at neighbourhood gatherings or run-ins at the grocery store. Wasn’t she married? Fuck this. You double tap the picture, giving it a “like”. This will give them something to talk about, you think spitefully. He wanted me to move on with my life? Well this is me, moved on. As you throw your phone to the other side of the bed, the pain finally sinks in and you cry into your pillow, wondering if you truly, will ever move on. 

In the years that pass, you try to distract yourself with work and your new friendships. On paper, your life in New York was going swimmingly well and you had even dated a couple of nice guys. Dating still gives you a little twinge in the heart but you ignore it for the most part. People would kill for the life you have and you will NOT be ungrateful about it. 

But of course, life is never that simple. Just when you think you’re able to find happiness, you get thrown a curveball. And this curveball came in the form of Joel Miller, standing in the cereal aisle of your local grocery store. He’s older, grayer, but damn him, he still looks so fucking good. You stand there staring for a moment, while he examines the box of Cap’n Crunch. As he puts the box back down and glances up, he meets your eyes and you hate this cliche, but you swear to God, time stands still. 

He whispers your name, almost in disbelief as his brows furrow. “Hey. Wow.” 

“Hey.” 

“You… How are you?” 

“I’m good. Yourself?” 

“Yeah great.”

Somehow this exchange cuts you deeper than the day he broke up with you. When did you become people who could barely speak 3 words to each other? 

Trying to alleviate the clenching of your heart, you speak up. “What are you doing here? This is the last place I thought I’d ever run into you.” 

He chuckles softly. “Yeah, I uh.. Tommy’s up here meeting a couple of friends and asked me to tag along. I’m sorry I didn’t reach out by the way, I should have texted when I knew we were heading –” 

You cut him off, not wanting to hear lies. “No, that’s okay. I wouldn’t expect you to. You must be busy now anyways with the kid.” 

His eyes soften at that, guilt and pain flashing through them but you push on. “It’s fine, really. You’re not obligated to tell me these things. I just saw on Cassie’s instagram. Is she here too?” 

At that, he visibly stiffens and clears his throat as he replies, “Oh, Cassie and I aren’t together anymore. Well we were never.. But we kind of.. Yeah she’s not in the picture. It’s just me and Sarah.” 

Sarah. He had a girl. A little girl. Your stomach twists and you kind of feel like throwing up so you try to find an exit. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Well, Sarah is lucky to have you. I always knew you’d make a good dad.” 

He smiles for the first time in this conversation. “Truthfully, I have no idea what I’m doing half the time but she’s a good kid.” 

Enough. Enough. Enough. “Well, it was nice meeting you again Joel, and I’m glad you’re doing well–” 

“No, wait. Can we talk, please? I.. I’ve missed you. I want to talk.” Joel steps towards you as if to stop you from leaving but then holds himself back. 

“I don’t think we have anything much to say to each other anymore, Joel, don’t you think?” You chuckle a little to mask the overwhelming urge to cry. 

“I just want to know how you’re doing.” He looks at the ground, like a puppy scolded by his owner and you know you can’t resist the floodgates that pour out. You take a deep breath and let it all out in one exhale.

“Fine. You want to know? I’m doing great, just as you said I would. I make a ridiculous amount of money every year, I have a fancy apartment that overlooks the city, I have nice friends and a good life. It’s everything you wanted for me.” 

“You deserve it. I knew you would.” He says, nodding with a sad smile.

“So why don’t I feel happy yet?” You can’t believe it but you actually start to cry. Here in the middle of the damn cereal aisle in front of your ex-boyfriend. 

He stands stunned for a moment, his eyes concerned and brows furrowed. He eventually steps fully in front of you this time. His hands hesitate, as if he doesn't know where to put them, until he settles for your shoulders. “I’m sorry. I thought.. I thought you would be–” 

You bat his hands off your shoulders. “Yeah, you did. But it doesn’t matter because what’s done is done and we’ll never get it back. Any of it.” 

He says your name, pleadingly. 

“No, I don’t blame you. I left, didn't I? It was my decision too. I guess deep down some part of me thought I would be better off. And in a way I am. I really am. But I cannot lie to you and say that I’m happy Joel, because I’m not. And nothing will change that. Because this is my life now.” 

A moment of silence passes between the two of you as the weight of the years of separation hangs there. “I’m not either,” he whispers. 

“What?” 

“I’m not.. happy. Cassie and I had a fling when I was heartbroken and dealing with our breakup. She had just gotten divorced and I was.. I was planning to ask for you back. I was prepared to get on a fucking airplane and beg on my knees until you took me back. Whether that meant moving you back home or me moving here, it didn’t matter to me. We’d make it work. I just wanted you to know that I made a mistake and I shouldn’t have decided for you.” He places his hands on your shoulders again, and you let them stay this time. 

He continues, speaking quickly as if a dam has burst. “But then Cassie got pregnant. And I knew I had to make a choice. We said we’d try to raise the kid together and be a family but.. A few months after Sarah was born she just left. Literally, took off and left, and I have no idea where she went. Frankly, I don’t even care. And then I got so busy with the kid and then years passed, and I just lost the timing. What, am I just supposed to call you up 10 years after breaking up with you, telling you what a joke my life has become? How I’ve regretted every moment since you packed your bags?” 

You let all of his words sink in for a while before choking out, “And what do I do with all this information now? What do you expect me to do?” 

He’s tearing up and his voice rises a little as he replies, “Nothing. I don’t expect nothing. I just needed you to know that I never spent a day without thinking of you or loving you. And that I’m sorry. And that I wish you were happy, because if you were, then at least all of this bullshit would be worth it. But you’re not.” 

You nod, your brain not fully able to come up with words at this point, so he continues. “If you’d told me you were happy, I would have swallowed my pride, wished you well, and walked out of this store with the knowledge that at least all this pain has finally brought you joy. But we’re both hurting now, so what does that make us?” 

“Two idiots crying in the cereal aisle?” You offer with a small chuckle through your tears. 

He breathes out a small laugh. “Yeah. That it does.” 

A woman passing through the aisle snaps you both back to reality as you wipe your tears and gather yourselves. “It is really good to see you, Joel. And.. thank you for telling me all of it. It doesn’t change anything but I think I needed to hear it.” 

He shakes his head before looking into your eyes. “You know what the sick part is? 10 years ago I told you I never wanted you to look at me with regret in your eyes. Yet here you are.” 

You nod and smile sadly. There’s nothing left to say. 

His gaze turns soft. “I hope you’ll be happy someday. Maybe not now, but someday.” 

“Maybe. And yourself?” 

“Maybe.” He replies cheekily, smiling softly. With that, he pulls you in for a hug and the familiar waft of his cologne transports you back to 10 years ago when you hugged in his living room before saying goodbye, when you used to cuddle together so close at night, when he used to hug you before leaving for work. Your memories together flash before your eyes like a sick Hallmark movie except this time you know the ending. 

You feel the press of his lips against your head and you swear you hear him whisper the words “I love you” but you can’t be sure because your heart is pounding and you can feel it in your ears. Your life from this point on will always be divided into before and after. The point where you know, you just know, the choice you made is irreversible. You will never have Joel Miller ever again.

As you pull away, you both tearfully smile and look at each other for the last time. You spend a good minute just looking, memorizing the other’s face. You both don’t bother with the polite pleasantries of promising to keep in touch because you know that would be a lie. It would be too painful. This is your fate now. 

You walk past each other, leaving your memories and feelings behind in the dust of your footprints. To passersby, you look like strangers. Passing each other in the cereal aisle, meeting for a moment and then never again. And maybe that’s what you are now. Strangers, destined to be in each other’s lives for a moment, and then never again. 

Joel eventually goes back home to Austin, and you stay in your beautiful apartment which seems to be mocking you with how big and yet empty it feels. 

Joel looks at his daughter and wonders what it would be like if this kid was yours, and you stare at your phone, a message from your new date asking you to confirm a meeting time flashing on your screen.

Joel wonders what life would be like if you’d stayed. You wonder the same thing.

Tag list: @just-some-random-blogger @joeldjarin @pattwtf

[rayslittlekitten]

All Eyes On You

A/N: Okay, it's finally done. This did not go where I had initially imagined it but I mostly like how this came out. I think it's kinda different from what I've written in the past. I tried to make this PWP and Jax being savage but I always add softness to Jax. I can't help it. Also, I don't know how porn sets are so, yeah. Didn't want to focus too much on the logistics of all that. Also, clearly this is AU. Hope this doesn't disappoint.

Rating: E (18+ ONLY)

Word Count: 3,597

Pairing: Pornstar!Jax x Pornstar!F!Reader

Plot: Getting railed by Jax Teller is only one of the perks of your job.

Contains: porn star/shooting porn, sex work, some D/s dynamics, sex (PiV), oral sex (F and M receiving), exhibitionism, voyeurism, degradation, humiliation, name-calling (slut, whore), light spanking, light choking, dirty talking, masturbation, praising (good girl), cream pie, a quick moment of edging if you squint, aftercare

"We need to find more honest ways of living."

Since Jax became President, he has wanted to steer the club away from the guns and other underground dealings. He was open to all ideas and for him, no idea was a bad idea until it’s been tried. When his business partner running the SAMCRO-funded and protected porn production company jokingly suggested for Jax to star in a few movies, he actually considered it. Getting paid to have sex? He's already doing it for free. Everyone's gotta earn their keep, right? Would it be too degrading? He's supposed to be the leader and he's leading his club into selling their bodies, maybe even their dignity. Not to mention the conflict of interest. Still, he brought it up to the table anyway and they voted on it. Surprisingly most voted yes, although mostly for pure amusement. 

What started as a joke to them actually became one of their honest ways of earning. Well, at least for Jax. The others didn't have the balls to do it, but that didn’t stop them from reaping the benefits of tagging along with Jax whenever he had to go shoot some scenes. Money doesn't lie and when they saw their revenue continuously multiply shortly after his debut released, they knew they had a cash cow. Since then, Jax had dedicated a day each month to shooting his scenes. As long as he agrees with the script, he has no problem. Sometimes he'd even make suggestions. He gets producer credit for those as well.

His content is the most exclusive one they have so they strategically make less of it. Gotta keep teasing his fans. Besides, he actually enjoys the attention. If it was any possible, his ego has inflated to be bigger than his dick and that in itself says a lot. It was as if God himself designed him to be a porn star. It was so effortless for him.

Their business has expanded so they their talent pool did as well and let's just say there is no shortage of women  - and men - wanting a chance at fucking Jax Teller. You're just happy that you're one of them who made the cut.

Your legs are pushed back to your chest as Jax has his face in between your thighs. You toss and turn your head, feeling his tongue and lips licking and sucking your folds. As you look off camera, you notice there are so many pairs of eyes on you as you lay there naked, spread so wide for the whole world to see your pussy getting eaten out by Jax Teller, suddenly getting a rush. Jax flips you over on your belly and he yanks your hips back so you're on your knees with your ass popped up. He shoves his face back in and you push back, moaning when you feel the tip of his nose nudge your asshole. Jax moves away and aligns himself with you. He shoves his thick, hard cock inside of you and you yelp. 

You brace yourself on the bed and turn your head to look behind you, at Jax as he pounds away, already quickly building an orgasm. You notice someone in the far corner behind Jax touching himself through the front of his jeans and you make eye contact, or so you think. He's a bit under the shadows and a studio light is blinding you, but it doesn't matter. This man is turned on by you getting fucked and that's turning you on. You can feel yourself getting more arousd with each plunge Jax takes and each stroke the mysterious man makes.

"Fuck, you're so wet," Jax growls.

"I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum!" You warn and before you know it, your muscles contract on his cock and you moan out loud, maybe embellishing your cries just a little.

Jax continues to fuck you hard and fast, drawing out your orgasm.

"That's my girl," he praises and then smacks your ass.

"CUT! Let's get behind them and get a shot of her getting fucked from behind. Back in positions!" the director shouts.

"You alright?" Jax checks on you.

"Yeah, that was a good one," you breathe out while you wiggle your ass back into position, opening and exposing yourself to him and the camera.

"Think you can do that again, sweetheart?" he asks as his thumb slowly slides in and out of the entrance of your dripping slit, teasing you. 

You push back and mewl. Talents aren't supposed to engage in any sexual contact while cameras aren't rolling. Although it's not a perfect system, it helps to keep interactions professional and avoid unwanted advances. Fluffers exist for a reason. You and Jax are an exception though. You've been scene partners for a while now and are very comfortable with each other. You can't really say how it is for the other women he's done scenes with, but when you and Jax are fucking, you feel it in your soul and you know he can too. There's just this playful and cozy rapport between you two that allows you both to work together very well.

You swear Jax, the pleasure dom that he is - and what his onscreen alter ego is known for - always makes it a point to pull as many orgasms as he can out of you and you can't even fake yours. Not with him. He can tell when they're real but with him, you don’t even need to fake them. Your exes couldn't even figure out 10% of the ways Jax has learned the ins and outs of your body. Heck, he taught you a few things about your own body. 

Between cut and action are the times your pussy aches the most, missing the fullness of Jax's thick cock, stretching you out in all the best ways. People have said porn is fake, but it's not. Scripted? Sure, but it's not fake, at least not all of it. Actual penises are actually penetrating actual vaginas, assholes and mouths. You've sure tasted enough semen to know it's real. Your bruised cervix is more proof of it. Don't forget the sore jaw, but they're all worth it especially if it's all because of Jax. You're also reminded of why you love doing what you do when you notice all eyes on you and Jax again.

"Quiet on set!" the director warns. "Aaaand ACTION!"

You gasp when Jax shoves back into you without warning. He angles himself in favor of the camera, but pushes in deeper and faster. Your eyes wander again and find these two men wearing kuttes off to the side watching. You recognize the one you make eye contact with and you maintain it while getting railed. You've seen him around sometimes whenever Jax comes by. He smacks your ass and you yelp, pushing back against him, chasing another release. The man you're having a staring contest with shifts uncomfortably while adjusting the front of his jeans. You reach for your bare breasts and start pinching your nipples. Your hips stutter when you feel an orgasm close to sliding into home base. You clench and moan as you get closer and closer. 

"CUT! Okay that should be enough coverage. Moving on to uh..."

You growl in frustration when Jax stills his hips.

"Sorry, baby. I'd give you relief, but I think maybe we should save that for the camera," he teases as he makes his cock twitch while still inside you, making you cockwarm him between takes.

"Okay, so we're gonna transition to blowjob. Let's start from where we left off. Jax pulls out and then she turns around and sucks him off," the director tells the crew. "Then at some point, Jax, you put her on her back and go missionary."

You shudder suddenly when Jax spreads your juices around with the pad of his thumb and starts teasing your asshole with it, putting just the slightest pressure.

"Jax..." you pant.

"Shh. Be a good girl and hold it," he coos. ”Can you do that for me, baby?”

The line between fantasy and reality definitely blurs for the both of you sometimes, but you both also just enjoy each other that much. Finally they call action again and Jax starts giving you a few short shallow pumps, making you wail from relief, until he pulls out and spanks you.

"Come suck my dick," he commands, holding his cock out for you.

You manage to turn around so you're on your knees and elbows, face to face with his hard cock that's soaked in your juices. You immediately put your lips over his dark red tip and bob up and down, taking more and more of him each time you push in. As you jerk him, you ram his cock into the back of your throat, fitting as much of him as you can. Feeling your gag reflex surfacing, you encourage it to happen and then Jax fists your hair, pulling out a bit and pushing back in. 

“Danny, go in for the close up of her,” the director jumps in.

When the cameraman moves in, Jax palms the back of your head and you remove your hand to deep throat him again. He gently pushes your head down and you relax your throat, trying to get more of him. When you gag again, intentionally doing it audibly, he instantly lets go and you pull him out. He grabs your chin and tilts your face up so he can see it. Tears leak out of your eyes and spit from your puffy, slick lips.

"Look at you. So pretty," he praises.

His baby blues penetrate your misty eyes. You don't know if he's just a great actor or as charming as people claim he is, but you believe, at least in the moment, that he thinks you're pretty. You continue to look up at him, playing into the camera, as this is a close up.

"Get on your back," he tells you.

As you turn over and Jax climbs over you, the cameraman steps out of your personal space, returning back to a wider shot. Jax leans down and smashes his lips over yours. His hand comes up to your face and cradles the side of it as he deepens the kiss. You kiss back, slipping your tongue between his lips and licking his pearly whites. He opens up his mouth and intertwines his own tongue with yours, tasting each other. Breaking the kiss, he pulls back, kneels and brings one of your legs up to spread them without blocking the camera’s view. He taps his cock against your clit and then slides the tip up and down your slit, teasing you, causing you to moan and your hips to jerk. He finally pushes inside of you and you arch your back. He pumps away as he holds your leg up, the muscles of his tattooed back flexing with each push and pull.

“Are you gonna cum again?” he asks.

You prop yourself up on your elbows and look down at where you meet. Your fingers reach in and you start rubbing your clit.

“Fuck, yeah, keeping touching yourself,” he encourages. “I want to feel you cum all over my cock again.”

With your next orgasm reaching the edge, your eyes wander to the man in the shadows behind Jax again. You see his hand is now in his pants and he’s unabashedly rubbing one out to this whole scene. Maybe he doesn’t think you can see him. You rub yourself a little faster and his hand matches your pacing.

“Oh god…” you start as you get closer to popping.

Jax drives into you faster and harder and before you know it, the coil snaps inside you and you cry out and arch up, thrashing as you ride the wave. You’ve already lost count of how many you’ve had as you’ve been doing this with Jax on and off already for the last hour or so.

“CUT! Okay, I think we’re gonna get to the money shot now. Are you ready for that Jax?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” he replies. “Can we get five?”

“Alright. Let’s do five!” the director shouts.

As the crew breaks, you let your legs fall to the sides and stretch out a bit while Jax slips off the bed, standing next to it. He starts massaging your hips and helps you rotate your leg one at a time.

“How do you feel? Do you need a longer break?”

“No, I’m good. Let’s just finish this,” you reply. “You really like to stretch me out. It’s like I’m getting a yoga session in whenever we pair up. In fact, it’s probably good for my body.”

“Here we go, biiiig stretch,” he says as he throws one of your legs over, twisting your torso and applying firm pressure on your thigh, stretching out your lower back and glutes. Then he does the same with the other side.

A satisfying moan rumbles from your throat as you feel your muscles loosening.

"Are you ready to show everyone what a fucking star you are?" Jax asks as you straighten your body out.

Your smile reaches your eyes and that tells Jax all he needs to know. You sit up and then bring your legs behind you to kneel on the bed. Jax licks his lips as he looks at you with an equally proud smirk. While biting your lower lip, you reach down and start stroking his semi-hard cock, bringing it back to life.

As people start returning to set, the director checks on the both of you.

“Just another minute,” Jax winks at the director as you continue to jerk him.

“Alright, everyone in your places!” 

You start changing up your pace and technique, making him hiss and groan.

“Lay back,” Jax directs you and you fall back to return to your previous position.

He climbs back onto the bed and repositions you to the same one he put you in before the break and pushes into you, your dampness still so present. Your body melts, feeling so delightfully full again. 

“Are we rolling?” the director asks. After confirmation, he calls action.

Jax pumps a few times into you, getting you both back on track. He pushes your leg back even more, spreading you out and changing his angle. When it feels like the right time, he then switches positions, curling up behind you and slipping himself back inside you, still holding your leg up and back.

His other hand snakes up to the front of your throat and he pulls your head back. You can hear him panting right into your ear as he thrusts away, You couldn’t be anymore exposed right now with your legs splayed open so wide and Jax fucking you from behind. Only way this could get better is if you had a few more cocks to fill your other holes.

“Look at all those people looking at you,” Jax grunts quietly into your ear, meant only for you and not the camera. “Watching you being such a fucking slut for me.”

His words just about pushed you closer to yet another orgasm which you know is the intentions behind them. You push back against him, trying to match his thrusts and get a deeper penetration as you glance over at all the people watching you. Jax starts pinching your nipple and you feel it shoot down below your belly.

“They’re memorizing how your juicy pussy looks and sounds as I pound into you. Imagining it’s their cock your pussy is gripping. The sexy sounds you make every time I stroke you just right. How shameless you are and loving every fucking second of it.” Jax’s dirty talk is rapidly fueling your next release and it’s evident as the wet sounds get even louder.

"I bet those perverts are gonna sniff these sheets after the shoot too just to feel a little closer to you."

Nothing gets you off more than knowing the power you know you have over your viewers. The thrill of them watching you getting stretched out and brazenly defiled especially when they need to jerk off to you, imagining they are the ones balls deep inside you. You don't get to see most of your actual audience but the thought is enough to intoxicate you. It also helps that Jax knows how you bring the inner slut out of you. The dirtier it gets, the more you want. You're putting on a different kind of show than what your viewers may think. You're not doing this for them; you're doing this purely for yourself, getting off on these people watching you on display.

“They’re storing it in their spank bank for later and when they need to rub one out, they’ll pull it right up, jerking themelves and cumming to you because you so desperately need to get fucked like a whore over and over again, cumming all over every cock that fills up your pussy,” Jax adds as he punches up into you, your ass slapping against the top of his thighs. The squelching increases with each thrust, pushing your arousal out of you.

You also get a different kind of rush from being so sexually freeing. The blood rushes to your face and your groin when you suddenly feel like you’ve been caught doing something so naughty. Shamefully being shameless as your holes get stuffed over and over again. Embarrassed to be seen in such a state but at the same time not wanting to stop because it just feels so damn good to the point you don’t care who is watching.

"You're gonna give me one more?" Jax asks as he continues to pound into you. “Huh, baby?”

He hooks his arm under your knee to hold it back, spreading you even wider and this time, it’s his long slender fingers that dip down between your legs to rub your clit. 

"Come on, baby. Cum on my cock again," he encourages. “Just one more time.”

You slam your hips back against him, chasing your next release. Between his fingertips digging into the sides of your neck, the sweet filthy words spilling into your ear and him driving his hard, thick and long cock into your cunt, your body is already close to the end, but now him rubbing your swollen clit, it launches you right over to the line.

“Be a good girl and cum for me,” he grits.”Cum for me, you fucking slut.”

With that, your eyes roll back and you cry out. You are convulsing over him, your walls clamping down hard over his cock. 

“That’s it! That’s my fucking girl,” he growls.

His pacing maintains even after you stop flopping around.

“Fuck, baby, I’m gonna cum too,” Jax pants, and then lets out a low moan as he empties himself inside you.

“Great! Danny, make sure you get a close up of the cream pie shot,” the director reminds him.

After Danny quickly repositions himself, Jax slowly pulls out of you and slaps your clit a few times, making you shudder. His hand reaches between your legs and spreads your lips open. You bear down and push his seed out of you. It leaks out of you and runs down to the crack of your ass. With your juices mixed in with his, he coats your lips with it using his fingers and runs it over your clit as well before sliding his fingers inside you, gently pushing it back in.

Jax turns your head to face him and leans in to kiss you tenderly. 

“Okay, that’s a wrap! Let’s break and clean up for the next shoot.” 

You continue to lazily make out with him, even well after cut was called. As the crew works around you and Jax, you stay lying in bed for a few more moments while stretching your muscles. Jax slips some shorts on and re-joins you, cuddling and spooning you after draping your robe over your naked body.

“Jax!” you giggle as he kisses a trail up the back of your shoulder and neck.

It’s almost unheard of but Jax always gives you aftercare after every shoot, especially the ones where it gets a bit degrading and painful. He does that with all his scene partners, but sometimes you like to imagine he only does it with you. Your mind starts drifting, falling into this comfortable and peaceful lull as he runs his fingers up and down your body that’s cocooned in his.

“Hey,” he nudges the tip of his nose against the back of your ear as he inhales your scent, waking you from your state.

“Hm?” you reply drowsily.

Then Jax finally pops the question you never thought he’d ask.

"You think you're ready for your first gang bang?" Jax asks.

Suddenly getting your second wind, you twist your body to face him and plant a kiss on his cheek, his smile now matching yours as your heart now grows full.

“Really?!” you ask as your eyes light up.

“I’ll even let you pick out your partners.”

Unable to contain your excitement, you squeal as your smile widens even more. 

“Okay, I think we should go get cleaned up and get outta here before they have to kick us out,” he suggests. “I’m laying on a wet spot.”

Jax affectionately boops the tip of your nose with this finger and then kisses your forehead before helping you out of bed.

[iveantive]

Prompt: sakura finds a stray dog

or

sakura finds feral hybird kazuha and decides to take her in

TW: A/B/O, g!p, hybrids, branding, kinda mentions of abuse, heat cycles, vaginal fingering, masturbation

word count: 11k (it's a full ass plot with porn)

How could you be so stupid? Sakura mumbled to herself.

Raindrops falling from up above started to drop onto her dry hair. It really is her fault. She checked the forecast last night and knew it was going to rain. But, she thought nothing of it because, on most nights, she would already be home cooking dinner.

It was just her luck. Her boss had asked her to stay longer to finish up some extra paperwork, and she couldn't say no. She was aiming to get a promotion within the next couple of months. So, she stayed, and what would've been a minimum of 30 minutes of unpaid labor became an hour when one of her managers, some brazen cocky alpha, tried hitting on her. Luckily, she was good at deflecting all his stupid questions, giving him deadpan answers to show she wasn't interested.

"What're you doing here so late?" She heard the Alpha slide up behind her as she typed on her laptop.

"Working." She said flatly.

"I see that. Do you want some company?" The alpha slid a nearby chair over to them.

"No, I'm trying to go home quickly." Sakura didn't even want to make eye contact with alpha. Knowing if she did, it would make it harder for the alpha to leave her alone.

Alphas, though, once they start, they just don't stop. Especially when they learn Sakura is a single 25-year-old omega. She's been through this time and time again. Some alpha will come along boasting about how they're from this renowned pack, but really Sakura couldn't care less. When she would make that known, the alpha would get defensive and start calling her names before they stomped off angry they didn't get her number.

It's not that Sakura wasn't looking for a mate. She's been on countless blind dates (set up by Chaewon against her will). It was just that none of them made it past the first date. Alphas were predictable, and she always knew how things were gonna go.

"Well, it'd be quicker if we did it together." Sakura felt the alpha's rough hand creep up her lower back. She would have no trouble smacking his hand away if it were any other alpha. But Sakura needed this job. And she knew if she were to flat-out reject the older alpha, he could ruin her career.

"That's okay, I've actually just finished," She gritted through her teeth, managing to slide away from the alpha's grasp. Despite hearing the alpha calling her name behind her, without missing a beat, she quickly got up, packed up her things, and left the office.

That's how Sakura found herself walking home later than usual. The sun had already set. Instead, getting replaced by grey storm clouds. And by now, the loud bustle of the city life had died down.

A loud crash of thunder snapped Sakura out of her thoughts.

Shit, Sakura cursed. Quickening her pace, she was just a block away from her apartment.

She was practically running by the time she was about to round the corner to her building when she heard a noise. It sounded almost animal-like.

Stopping in her tracks. She turned her head towards the alleyway separating her apartment building and the next one over. Sakura peaked her head ever so slightly in trying to see if she could find the source of the noise, to no avail. It was way too dark, and whatever animal was making that noise was deeper in the alleyway than Sakura wanted to go down.

Yet, she doesn't know why she started to tiptoe down an alleyway, ignoring the raindrops drenching her hair. It was like something was luring her closer, and maybe it was out of her innate curious nature. Sakura knew she wouldn't be able to sleep at night if she didn't at least check to see what was making the noise. It could be an injured animal, perhaps even one of her neighbors' pets. Come to think of it, she had heard some dogs fighting the past couple of nights. She had chalked it up to being all in her head. To be fair, she did live in the city, and stray dogs were common.

As Sakura walked closer, the dull noise got sharper, sounding almost like an animal whimpering mixed with a cry. The saliva in Sakura's mouth started to dry up as she stepped closer to the source of the noise.

Then boom another strike of lightning followed by a crash of thunder.

The lightening provided merely a couple of seconds of light, but it was enough. Sakura was able to make out the silhouette.

A girl.

And as the thunder crashed, Sakura heard another loud whimper, followed by cries soon after.

How long was this girl out here, never mind how the real question is why Sakura thought to herself. Whatever, she couldn't think about that right now. She needed to help the girl. She fished her phone out of her pocket, switching the flashlight on.

Sakura's eyes widened.

The source of all that whimper was, in fact, a girl. As Sakura angled her flashlight up and down her body, though, she knew she wasn't just a girl.

The girl was quite bigger than her, from what Sakura was able to make out. That wasn't even the most shocking part. The girl was naked, with various parts of her skin covered in dirt that was forming into mud as the rain continued to pour down on them. Even more shocking, were the wolf-like ears on the top of the girl's head, and another double take down the girl's body was a tail tucked between her legs.

A hybrid.

Sure, Sakura had heard about them before. Something between a wolf and a human. They maintained both canine and human characteristics. The only ones she'd ever known of usually lived in government-provided homes with other hybrids, and the ones that didn't usually end up dead. Nobody would admit it, but hybrids did have a reputation. They were known to be unstable, unpredictable dangerous even.

As far as Sakura knew, she thought they were extremely rare. Which only made her wonder more how and why the hybrid in front of her was on the streets.

Sakura angled the light towards the hybrids face, or atelast tried to. The angle was awkward. The hybrid was cowering in the corner of the dark alleyway. Her hands covered her face as she let out the scared whimpers.

Sakura grimaced, taking the sight in.

"H-hey," Sakura said softly, catching the hybrid's attention. Her hands dropped from her face, immediately started to let out a low growl.

Sakura kneeled closer to the ground and held out her hand to the hybrid.

"i-i'm n-not gonna hurt you." Sakura tried to remain stoic in her place, trying not to let the fear seep through.

The hybrid started to untangle herself from the cowardly position, getting into a more defensive one. The growls still rumbling from her gut, as she inched closer to Sakura.

Sakura closed her eyes, praying for the best. After a few moments, and not feeling her hand getting mauled off by a rabid hybrid, she opened her eyes back up.

The hybrid was sniffing her hand, Sakura mentally sighed in relief. She looked back at the hybrid, being able to make out the light grey fur on her ears and a red scratch on her cheek.

"A-are you here alone?" Sakura looked into the hybrid eyes trying to gauge any sort of emotion she was feeling, but she was able to decipher none. Only earning a growl from the hybrid.

"I live in the building right here. Do you want to come in?" Sakuras' tone was soft.

The hybrid tilted her head, furrowing an eyebrow.

Maybe she doesn't understand, Sakura pondered.

"Inside. Warm." Sakura tried a new approach as she pointed to her apartment building.

She heard a low grunt come from the hybrid before she switched positions again, now being perched on her hands and knees.

"I take that as a yes," Sakura smiled.

Sakura got up from her crouched position. She was looking back at the hybrid, remembering that, yep, she was indeed naked. And something tells Sakura her landlord wouldn't appreciate her taking in a naked, dirt-covered girl into her apartment. Never mind the hybrid part.

Thinking swiftly, Sakura started to undo her padded jacket. It should be enough to cover the hybrid, at least enough that her landlord and other apartment tenants wouldn't question her.

Sakura reached to drape the jacket over the hybrid shoulder, earning another growl from her.

"You have to wear this to come inside."

The hybrid grunted in response before accepting the jacket being put over her shoulders. Sakura held out her hand to the hybrid as she prepared to exit the alleyway.

She had made it a few feet away from the hybrid before Sakura realized she wasn't following her behind.

"What're you waiting for?" Sakura tried to hold out her hand to the hybrid.

"Wet" Instead of taking ahold of Sakura's hand, the hybrid pointed at Sakura's clothes as they were being drenched in water as the rain was now falling much harder than before.

"So you can talk."

—-

Getting the hybrid into her apartment without catching the eyes of passersby was proving to be a harder challenge than she thought. She didn't think it would be a particularly easy task, but the real gravity of the situation started to set in as Sakura stepped toward the front of the building. In the glass door leading into the lobby, she was able to see the young girl's reflection. The hybrid was towering over her. Any movement she made felt like she was walking on eggshells. The hybrid could so easily knock her over, even hold her down if she so pleased.

So, she took it slow. She was only walking a few steps before waiting for the hybrid behind her to follow. Which she did, albeit much slower than Sakura would have liked. It seemed like the hybrid wasn't too keen on walking on two legs, with how much they were wobbling. Perhaps she had been in the area enough to know how to blend in enough, Sakura wondered. And just as she thought that, she could hear the hybrid sniffing the air, letting out a satisfied grunt before sniffing again.

Another challenge faced the pair when it came to getting onto the elevator; Sakura pushed the button to go up, hearing a ding as the doors opened. She stepped in, expecting the hybrid to be following her, but as she turned towards her, she hadn't moved. The light grey ears on top of her head were drooping as she sniffed the surroundings of the elevator.

"You've never ridden in one before?" Sakura took a step forward, using her hand to block the doors shut. The hybrid just grunted in response. I think that's a yes, Sakura thought to herself.

"I-it's okay. It's only a short ride. You won't even notice we're moving," Sakura tried to reassure the hybrid. Not even really sure she could understand her.

"Come on, it'll be okay" Sakura held her hand out to the hybrid. Only for it to get knocked down as the hybrid brushed passed her with another grunt.

Sakura should be happy that she only lived on the 3rd floor, she doesn't even want to think about if she lived on a higher one. As soon as the hybrid got into the elevator, she stayed glued to one of the sides. Sakura pushed the button to her floor, the ding of a bell indicating the doors were closing, and the elevator began to move.

She watched the hybrid eyes widen, and her body dropped to the floor as the mechanical creaking of the elevator sounded out. The young girl cowards in the corner, whimpering with her eyes closed.

"I-it's okay. Nothing bad's gonna happen. The elevator is just lifting us up." Sakura crouched beside the hybrid. She knew it probably wouldn't do her any good if she tried to touch her when her back was turned. The most she could do was talk to her.

"It must have been cold out there by yourself. Did you know it was gonna rain?"

Silence.

"Yeah, me either. I got stuck in some stupid work thing. Some annoying alpha kept trying to talk to me when I was trying to finish up some report." Sakura glanced her eyes over to the hybrid, and her eyes were no longer squeezed tightly. They were looking at her.

"Usually, by now, I'd have already cooked and eaten dinner. I would be lying on the couch, probably texting Chaewon. She's one of my friends. I've known her ever since I got to Seoul." The hybrid stared at her, furrowing her eyebrows. Could she actually understand her? Sakura wondered. It wouldn't really change much if she did, though. The hybrid seemingly wasn't too keen on talking. Sakura was thankful her rambling had gotten the hybrid to calm down more seemingly.

And with the ding of the elevator indicating they'd made it to Sakura's floor, the hybrid was all but eager to get out. She immediately scampered off the floor and out into the hallway. Heavy steps as she walked down the hallway, sniffing the new air.

"This way, I live a couple doors down." Sakura nodded towards the end of the hallways. She really needs to thank whatever god is up there for making it so none of her neighbors had been in the hallways to see the pair. It was almost comedic in a way, a big hybrid in a way too small padded jacket following behind a petite girl in a skirt and blazer, both drenched with rainwater.

They had finally made it to Sakura's apartment, typing her code into the number pad and pushing the door open.

Sakura stood waiting for the hybrid to step into her home. The hybrid sniffed the air to the apartment before Sakura guessed it was adequate enough and came in. The young girl immediately started snooping around, making her way into the kitchen, sniffing the countertops, and dipping her head in the half-open cabinets. Before she had trekked into the small living room, she had gotten back on all fours, sniffing the cushion to the couch, and ducking under the coffee. At least she's not destroying things, Sakura thought.

Sakura cleared her throat, catching the hybrid's attention. The sniffing had stopped, and the hybrid had gotten back into her view.

"Yeah, it's not much, but it's enough for me." She really had all she needed in the apartment. It was a simple one-bedroom, one-bathroom flat, with a small living room and kitchen to go along with.

"You should get cleaned up, my bathrooms over there." Sakura pointed to the half-open door down the hall.

The older girl waited a couple of seconds for the hybrid to react, only to see her perched on her knees with her head tilted, staring at her. Sakura sighed. She really needed to get a gauge of how much the hybrid could understand her. But, for now, she had two options really, either she let the hybrid stay naked and covered in mud, or she sucked it up and bathed her herself. And seeing how the entranceway and path into the kitchen had prints of mud littering the hardwood the option seemed pretty clear.

Sakura walked closer to the younger girl, her eyes getting bigger as she walked closer.

"I-I'm not gonna hurt you. We just need to get you clean." Sakura held out her hand to the hybrid, who in return brought her nose up to the older girl and sniffed it. Till she heard a grunt, which seemed to be on the more chipper side, Sakura took it as a sign it was okay to get closer.

"I'm gonna take this off, okay? Then we're gonna go to the bathroom." Sakura pointed to her padded jacket the hybrid still had on. She was earning no response, just a blank stare from the younger.

Please don't bite me, please don't bite me was all that was running through Sakura's head as she crouched down to be on the same level as the hybrid. Bringing her hand up to undo the velcro, she held her breath. The crackles of the first piece starting to unravel filled the tension in the air.

She looked at the hybrid, trying to see a response in her, only to see she was looking down, fixated on Sakura's hand. Taking it as a sign to continue, she undid the remaining pieces of velcro much quicker. The older girl reached her hands up the hybrid's shoulders, taking the jacket off, effectively leaving the hybrid exposed to her.

Sakura already knew from the alleyway that the hybrid had to have been in some kind of accident or fight from seeing the scratch mark on her face. However, she wasn't expecting to see cuts littering her collarbones and even more scratches on her arms. She already knew once she bathed the hybrid, without a doubt, she would see more wounds on the poor girl.

"Good, follow me to the bathroom." Sakura motioned for the hybrid to follow.

They made their way to the said bathroom in silence. With Sakura pushing open the door and waiting for the hybrid to come. The young girl was taking her time walking down the hallway, looking at all of the things Sakura had on her wall. Various picture frames she had with friends, even the shelves she had up filled with various things from random books to her crocheting yarn. The hybrid's eyes darted from each item.

"You can look at them later. You need to get cleaned up first." Sakura stood by the doorframe, tapping her nails on the wood. She gained the hybrid's attention, who glanced back at Sakura before making her way over to her.

"This is a bathtub. It's where you get clean. I'm gonna have to rinse you off first before I can wash you, okay?" Sakura pointed to her bathtub.

Much to Sakura's surprise, the hybrid was quick to step into the tub. Which she supposes she should be thankful for.

"The water might come out a little cold at first, but it'll warm up," Sakura said as she reached for the showerhead.

She turned toward the knobs of the bathtub turning the water on, making the hybrid whimper at the sudden noise and contact of the water before she calmed back down. The flow of water spraying down her legs, Sakura watched her bend down sniffing the water. Before she completely bent down and started biting at the water. The sight made Sakura stifle laughter. It was kinda cute, the hybrid nipping at the water for a few seconds, then turning away to breathe. Just to go back to bite the stream of water. In the process getting her ears caught in the water, soaking them.

Sakura stared at the amusing sight for a few more seconds before she recalled why she was doing this in the first place. She alternated between fiddling with the knobs and reaching her hand into the stream of water until the water had reached a warm, comfortable temperature.

She maneuvered the showerhead over the hybrid's body. Spraying her torso and back which were the parts of her covered the most in mud and god knows what else. Sakura watched as the once clean water below the hybrids turned into a dark brown color as the filth was being washed off her.

"How long were you out there?" Sakura asked. She was waiting a couple of seconds only to get none. It had to be longer than just this day, she was sure of. There was no way the hybrid would've been able to get this dirty in a single day.

The hybrid remained silent as Sakura continued rinsing her off, staring down at the ground.

"I'm gonna have to touch you for the next part. Is that okay?" Sakura waited for a response. She looked at the hybrid, who, after a few seconds, gave her a short nod. To her surprise.

Sakura reached for the bottle of soap she had near and began to pour an ample amount into her hand.

"If I touch something that sensitive, just growls at me or something."

The older girl, reached into the tub and began with the hybrids arms. She was using her hands to spread the soap down her limbs. She looked back at the hybrid, to see how she was doing, seeing the hybrid looking at her hands, watching her movements. It almost made Sakura shiver, the way she was staring at her.

She had to ignore it, though, and continued on with the hybrid's upper body. As she got closer to the younger girl, she was also able to see the cuts on her more clearly. Some of them were more healed than others. With some of them already turned into faded white scares, some still pink, and others merely scabbed over. It made Sakura wince as the thought about the possible reason for these marks. If it were just a fight with another hybrid or animal, the marks would be more scattered. But, the marks on the hybrid were calculated, like they were done on purpose.

Sakura took a breath.

"You doing okay?" She doesn't know if she was asking it to herself or the hybrid. But nevertheless she got a grunt in response from the hybrid.

So, She continued on down to the hybrid lower body. When she noticed something that almost made her lose her footing, her eyes had to be bulging out of her head as she stared in shock. She quickly tried to regain her composure, not wanting to panic the hybrid.

A small mark.If she weren't so close to the hybrid she wasn't sure she would've caught it, Maybe even written it off as another scar. However, this mark wasn't like the ones that were on her arms or her upper torso. She got closer, lightly running her fingers over the marks, feeling the indentation.

NKZH

Those letters were scarred on her skin. Sakura grimaced as she stared at the markings. These markings had to be done on purpose. There was no doubt about it.

Sakura debated in her head on her next action. She had to think that the hybrid knew that she saw it. So, in theory, she could try to ask the hybrid about it, but truthfully, she was afraid of the reaction it could evoke.

So, she didn't. She didn't bring it up. Instead focusing back on the task at hand, and that cleaning the hybrid. She continued washing the hybrid's lower body before she moved on to washing her hair, using her fingers to make an attempt at detangling the disheveled hair, paying extra attention to the fur on her ears. They were soft, so soft. She used her fingernails to really get into her scalp and scratched behind her ears, cleaning them thoroughly, hearing a sigh of relief fall from the hybrid's mouth. Finishing up, she did a last final rinse on the hybrid.

"That wasn't so bad, was it," Sakura said more for herself than the hybrid.

"You smell much better now." Sakura had a soft smile. The hybrid sniffed herself, making a snorting noise afterward. Is that her way of laughing? Sakura tilted her head.

Sakura stood up and grabbed the towel she had hung up, and just as she was about to turn back around, the hybrid shook. The water from the fur on her ears and her tail splattered on the floor on the wall.

"It's a good thing I'm already wet, or else I would totally kick you out right now." Sakura playfully rolled her eyes.

"Use the towel and dry off. I'll get you some clothes." Turning around, She tossed the towel at the hybrid, who surprisingly caught it.

Sakura walked out of the bathroom across the hall to her bedroom and stared at the clothes in her dresser. She really didn't have any clothes that would fit the hybrid. Never mind the fact that she didn't have any underwear for the hybrid to wear. But, something tells her the hybrid wouldn't even care nor notice. She continued to scour her drawers till she settled on the biggest t-shirt she had and the baggiest sweatpants.

When she came back to the bathroom the hybrid had done just as Sakura said. The towel over her shoulders as she stood in the tub.

"You can come out of there now," Sakura said, and the hybrid stepped out of the tub. She wondered why the younger girl hadn't moved without her permission.

"These are the only clothes that I have that I thought would fit you." Sakura handed them to the hybrid. Who began to put the clothes on slowly.

Luckily, the t-shirt did fit the hybrid. Normally it would come down to Sakura's lower thigh, but on the hybrid, it was fitting more like a normal shirt. However, the sweatpants were a different story. The cuffs to the pants only reached her mid-calf, and they got tighter as they went up. They were leaving really no room for imagination of what was under there. Not that Sakura was looking, obviously.

Sakura brought the hybrid back out into the living room, and she had taken out a couple of extra pillows and blankets for the girl.

"You can sleep here for tonight" Sakura pointed towards the couch. She reached for the TV remote on the nearby coffee table and switched it on. The hybrid was immediately going towards the couch, plopping down on the cushions. She stared at the TV enamored.

"I'm gonna go shower. Stay here. You can watch whatever you want," Sakura said as she walked awake, facepalming herself. Could the hybrid even understand her? Did she even know how to work the TV? Whatever, Sakuras is sure she'll be able to figure it out.

-

Sakura stared at the hybrid from the kitchen. When she had come out of the shower, the hybrid had fallen asleep. Of course, with the TV still on, the hybrid did change the channel to some random romance drama. She wouldn't have taken the hybrid to be the romance type, or maybe the hybrid just found the music playing soothing. Who knows.

With the hybrid being asleep it forced Sakura to reflect on the past few hours. Just what did she get herself into? The scars and scratches she had seen on the young girl's body scared her. How did she get them? Matter of fact where did she even come from? Sakura knew she wasn't gonna get the answer she wanted.

With a sigh, too many questions, no answers. She flopped onto her bed, her phone in hand, the clock reading just a few minutes past midnight.

Yeah, Chaewon was probably still up.

She hovered her finger over the Facetime button, and her phone rang once, twice before Chaewon picked up.

"Damn, isn't your old ass usually asleep by now? What're you doing up?" Chaewon was currently in bed, too, from what Sakura was able to tell.

"Am not! I just appreciate my beauty sleep." Dramatically put a hand to her chest.

"Last Friday, when Yunjin and I asked you to go out with us, you were already asleep." Chaewon deadpanned.

"Fine, you got me there, but I wouldn't want to third-wheel you two anyways." Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Okay, fuck you. Now, why'd you call?" Chaewon asked.

Oh yeah, there was a reason why Sakura called her best friend in the first place before getting psychologically beat up.

"Promise not to freak out"

"The most exciting thing you've done in the past three months is crochet a new sweater. Just tell me." Chaewon rolled her eyes.

Sakura knows there is no easy way to say what she wants to get out without basically dropping it on Chaewon. Hybrids were foreign territory for really everyone she knew. They never even crossed most people's minds. Since they never lived near the city, it was easy for everyone to forget they even existed.

"I brought a hybrid home."

Sakura saw Chaewon's eyes stare in disbelief. Moments of silence passed by before she even heard Chaewon breathe again.

"You're joking," Chaewon snorted.

"I'm not. I just found her in the alleyway by my apartment, and she looked scared. I didn't want to leave her alone. It was raining." She tried to explain.

"I don't believe you. Hybrids are rare. Why the fuck would one just be outside your apartment?" Chaewon prodded.

"I don't know. That's why I took her in; better me than someone else who'd take advantage of her." Sakura reasoned.

Chaewon remained silent for a few seconds.

"Show me her."

"What? She's sleeping. I don't want to wake her up."

"then I won't believe you."

"Oh my god, fine. But you better stay muted. If she mauls my arm off, it's on you."

Sakura rolled off her bed, turning the brightness down on her phone. As she tiptoed out of her bedroom, god, how the fuck did she get here, walking on eggshells in her own home.

She stepped closer and closer to the couch where the hybrid was sleeping. She could hear the little snores the girl was letting out. The lamp on the nearby coffee table provided just enough light, and Sakura was able to see her face. She looked so peaceful, not at all as it looked when she came across her a mere few hours before. Her light grey ears twitched, and her eyebrows furrowed every few breaths. It was like she was dreaming. Maybe she was, for all Sakura knew.

Sakura angled her phone up at the hybrid face, holding her breath as if she would hear her if she were too loud. She tried to make sure she got her ears and her tail that lay heavy on the side of the couch in the frame—staying there for a few moments, looking at the younger girl before she looked back at her phone and saw Chaewon's eyes wide open, her mouth agape.

Yep, that was her cue to get back to her room. So, just as quickly as before, Sakura made her way back to her bed. Then unmuted Chaewon.

"Holy shit, you weren't lying," Chaewon said in disbelief.

"Of course not. Why would I?" Sakura scoffed.

"I don't know, what're you gonna do with her?" Chaewon asked.

"I plan on calling the RoH on Monday when they're open, but for the next couple of days, I don't know." Sakura took a breath.

"mmm, that's a good idea. Have you talked to anyone else about her yet?"

"No, I wasn't sure who to call. I don't even really know what I'd be asking anyway," Sakura sighed.

"It's not like any of you have experiences with hybrids."

She and Chaewon just stayed in comfortable silence for a couple of seconds. Then she saw almost like a lightbulb go off in Chaewon's mind.

"What're you thinking?" Sakura prodded.

"Maybe you should try talking to Wonyoung. She might know more about hybrids."

"What makes you think that?" Wonyoung was an acquaintance, albeit six years younger than her. She had gotten to know the younger girl when she became friends with Chaewon, who was friends with her older sister, Eunbi.

"Do you remember her, mate?" Chaewon asked.

Sakura tried to think back. She'd only met Wonyoung a handful of times. However, she remembered last year when she had introduced her mate Yujin. She didn't actually get to meet her, but she remembers Wonyoung talking about her. An alpha just a year older than her.

"Yujin, right. I remember Wonyoung talking about her a bit".

"Think about it. The way Wonyoung talked about her. It was a bit strange. Doesn't it remind you a little how the hybrid on your couch is"

She recalls Wonyoung explaining how she met Yujin. She didn't go into much detail. But She remembers the young girl talking about how Yujin was from the countryside. And they had met when the alpha had transferred to her colleges. She remembers Wonyoung saying the alpha was still getting used to meeting new people and interacting with them, which she thought was a bit odd but didn't question it at the time.

"A little bit, yeah, but Wonyoung didn't say Yujin was a hybrid." Sakura furrowed her eyebrows.

"Can you blame her, though? Maybe she didn't know how we'd react if she flat out said it"

"You might be right. I'll try to call her tomorrow," Sakura yawned.

"Let me know how it goes. Get some sleep, unnie." Chaewon yawned back. Her eyes had started fluttering shut.

"You too, and tell Yunjin I said hi," Sakura ended the Facetime. Tossing her phone to the side, hitting her head on her pillow with a thud. A million thoughts ran through her mind about the hybrid that night as she tossed and turned in her sleep.

—---

To say Sakura didn't get a lot of sleep last night would be an understatement. She was tired, yes, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't fall asleep for more than 30 minutes at a time. She ended up spending her time googling things about hybrids.

Are hybrids friendly?

Do hybrids like people?

The questions she asked were stupid; Sakura knows it. It's just that schools never taught anything about hybrids other than reiterating the fact if you meet one in the wild, remain calm, stay as far away as possible and call the Register of Hybirds. And, well, she clearly didn't follow the second rule. The hybrid looked so lost and scared last night. Sakura just knew she would've regretted her actions even more if she had done nothing to help her.

But that didn't mean the hybrids presence also didn't scare the shit out of her. The scars and cuts that littered the young girl's skin, god, the letters that were scarred into her skin. Sakura swears she thought up every type of scenario in her sleep-deprived delusional state last night of what possibly could've done that to the hybrid.

It was bright and early the next morning. Sakura had only noticed it was the start of a new day by the sunshine that peaked through the curtains in her room. She wonders if the hybrid is still asleep or if the hybrid is awake, also reflecting on the previous night's events.

A part of Sakura is even scared to come out of her room to check on the hybrid. The younger girl has no reason to keep tolerating her. Maybe the hybrid only tolerated last night because she had offered her a place to stay. The idea that once she exited the room, the hybrid would immediately start growling at her wasn't an unlikely one.

Sakura picked up her phone, looking at the time. 7 am, she sighs. There was no point in staying in her room anymore. She would have to face the hybrid at some point, and it might as well be when there's a possibility she's still asleep, she thought.

She musters up the courage to get out of her bed. Slowly making her way to the door, with a deep breath, she turned the doorknob. She made her way out of her bedroom, moving as quietly as possible. She made it out her door and tip-toed her way to the living room, where she could still hear the sound of the TV making noise.

Had she left it on last night? She swears she turned it off.

As she rounded the corner into the living room, her question answered itself. There was the hybrid sitting with her knees to her chest, staring at the TV. And upon closer inspection the younger girl was watching an episode of Adventure Time. The fear she had of facing the hybrid washed away as she chuckled at the sight.

Sakura took a couple of strides closer, making her presence known to the hybrid.

"Did you sleep well? You were already asleep when I came out of the shower last night. I didn't want to wake you?" Sakura padded over to the opposite side of the couch the hybrid was on and sat down.

The hybrid nodded.

"That's good" Sakura faced the TV, not even really watching, just staring at the screen as she built the courage to ask her next question.

"So, were you thinking about staying here longer?" Sakura held her breath.

To which she got no response. Facing back toward the hybrid, she saw her eyes fixated on the TV.

"It's okay, no pressure. If you do, we're just going to have to talk about some things first" Sakura watched the hybrids face for any sort of expression. But there was none. Sakura sighed. Well, she might as well be honest with the hybrid, she thought.

"If you're still here tomorrow, I'm gonna call the RoH." Sakura saw the hybrid's jaw clench. Yeah, Sakura better explain herself.

"It's not that I don't want you here. It's just going to be hard to have you here when I don't know anything about hybrids, and RoH would be able to help me understand you better." She looked at the hybrid, waiting for any sign of a response.

And after a few moments, she got one, a hesitant nod.

Sakura exhaled the breath she didn't even know she had been holding in this entire time. She faced her attention back to the TV. Resting her eyes as she sank onto the couch. Well, that's one hard conversation down. Good job, Sakura, she mentally patted herself on the back.

The pair continued to sit in silence. It wasn't awkward, per se. Matter of fact, Sakura didn't really mind the hybrid being there. She wasn't used to waking up in the morning and someone else being there with her. Matter of fact, she kinda liked it. Even if the hybrid was hesitant to interact with her, the younger girl's presence was comforting in a way.

The low sounds or stomach rumbling drew Sakura out of her thoughts.

"Oh you must be hungry, when's the last time you ate?" Sakura looked towards the source of the rumbling, who was the hybrid in question.

No response.

"I was getting hungry too. I'll make something for us."

Sakura got up and made her way into the kitchen. She settled on making something easy and filling for them. She was still in no headspace to do anything overly complicated this morning.

It was a simple breakfast: Rice, eggs, spam, kimchi, and seaweed on the side. Nothing more, nothing less. The hybrid had found her way into the kitchen while Sakura was frying up the spam. Sakura deduces it must've been from the smell. The hybrid got closer to the older girl till she was towering over the girl as she cooked, looking over her shoulder. She was sniffing the air around her. It made Sakura's spine stiffen at the feeling of the hybrid being in such close proximity to her.

"C-can you get some plates? They're in the cabinet over there," Sakura pointed at the cabinet. And to her genuine surprise, the hybrid had gone over to the cupboard and pulled out a couple of plates for them. It made Sakura wonder, did the hybrid understand everything she was saying? Did the hybrid pick and choose what she wanted to answer?

Sakura plated each of their meals on the plates and took them over to her kitchen table. It was a small one, built for really only one person. However, she was lucky she was small and also decided to buy a second chair.

She sat across the hybrid, observing her starting to eat her food. She began sniffing at it before grabbing it with her hands and practically inhaling food in her mouth. Sakura looked at the untouched chopsticks a few inches away from the hybrid hands.

Doesn't know how to use utensils, noted.

After the pair had finished eating their breakfast, Sakura brought their dishes to the sink and began to clean up. The hybrid had dropped a fair bit of food out of her mouth onto the table, waiting for Sakura to clean up. She continued to wipe down the table as the hybrid went back into the living room. When she was finished, Sakura sat back down near the hybrid on the couch.

Sakura looked down at her phone to read the time. 10 am. Wonyoung must be awake by now, she thought.

Sakura cleared her throat, catching the attention of the hybrid beside her.

"I'll be back. I need to call a friend." She watched for a response from the younger girl. To which she received a hesitant nod. It was a bare minimum reply, but it was the best she was gonna get from the hybrid. For a majority of the things she asked her, Sakura deduced,

Once Sakura had excused herself to her room, she shut the door behind her and took a seat on the bed before scrolling through her contacts to find the person she needed. And there she was.

Jang Wonyoung.

To be honest, Sakura doesn't even know if Wonyoung answers her call. Sure, they've met a couple of times, but never in a one-on-one setting. Anytime they've hung out together, it had been in the presence of other people. But she was desperate. If there was any chance that somebody she knew had an experience with a hybrid, she wanted to talk to them as soon as possible. Which again, Sakura is unsure if Wonyoungs mate was even a hybrid. And even so, who's to say Wonyoung would want to talk about it? Hybrids were looked down upon in society.

Sakura sat for a few moments, debating whether to call the younger girl. As her finger hovered over the Facetime button, she held her breath as she pushed it. The phone dialed. She heard the tone ring once, twice, three times, and on the fourth chime, Sakura was starting to give up hope on the younger girl picking up.

But, on the sixth chime, she heard the phone connect.

"Sakura, Unnie?" she heard Wonyoungs voice.

"Yeah, yeah, it's me."

"Oh! I wasn't expecting a call this early. How are you?" The younger girl asked.

"I'm doing good, but I actually called because I had something to ask." Sakura could feel herself starting to get hotter.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure I can answer it." She heard the cheerful voice of the younger girl. Sakura's palms were getting sweatier by the second as she was building the courage to ask Wonyoung her burning questions. She didn't want to straight up ask the younger girl right off the bat if her mate was a hybrid. She needed to ease into it.

"What do you know about hybrids?" Sakura softly asked.

"O-oh, um, why do you ask?" Sakura can hear the tension in Wonyoungs voice.

Sakura needed to be honest with you, younger girl. Wonyoung was smart, and she wouldn't just give her the answers she needed without some sort of explanation of why.

"W-well, I have a hybrid staying with me right now," Sakura got out. She saw Wonyoungs eyes widen in shock, and she swears she saw her eyes dart to the side of her.

"O-oh, thats crazy. H-how?, wh-where? I mean, they're so rare?" Wonyoung stuttered.

So Sakura went and gave the younger girl a brief rundown on how she met the hybrid and took her in. Wonyoungs reaction to Sakura's story had been almost the complete opposite of Chaewons to say the least. They were both shocked at the fact that a hybrid had ended up in their city. However, when Sakura got to explaining the hybrid's behaviors and mannerisms, she was calm and simply listened to her.

"To answer your question, yeah, I actually do know a couplet things about hybrids. You called the RoH already, right?" Wonyoung asked.

"Not yet. I plan to call them tomorrow. Right now the hybrid seems comfortable enough with me. I don't want to scare her off or something," Sakura sighed.

"When you talk to the doctor, make sure to ask them to do a blood test. And make sure they do full body exam on them, that could also tell you some general information on her," Wonyoung dropped on the older girl.

"W-woah, that's actually some solid-ass advice," Sakura said in awe. She swears Wonyoung has been more helpful in learning about the hybrid on her couch than the late-night googling did.

"What can I say? I do like hybrids," Wonyoung smiled, and there it was again. Sakura swears she saw Wonyoung look to the side of her.

"Are you with you, Yujin?" Sakura played up the teasingness in her tone.

"H-how'd you know?" Wonyoung seemed to say in genuine shock.

"Who else would your eyes be wandering at during this entire conversation?" Sakura laughs.

"Yeah, Yujins here. She's right next to me." Wonyoung gave up and even denied it.

"Wony, I'm just gonna come out and ask it," Sakura prepared herself to ask the question. To which she saw Wonyoungs eyes widen again.

"I think I have a feeling where this is going, but go on."

"Is Yujin a hybrid?" Sakura asked.

Wonyoung almost laughs. Before she flipped the camera and there Yujin was curled up next to the younger girl with her head in her lap. And upon closer inspection of the screen, Sakura was able to make out the brown ears atop her head.

"Does that answer your question?"

"Holy shit. Now I get Chaewon shock, when I told her about this," Sakura's eyes were wide in disbelief. Previously, when Wonyoung had shown pictures of her and Yujin out together, the framings of the photos were in such a way you weren't able to see the top of either their heads. Sakura could've guessed it. This entire time they were just hiding Yujins ears.

Wonyoung laughed as she flipped the camera back on herself.

"Yeah, she's kinda insufferable sometimes, but I love her," Wonyoung smiled.

"Can I ask you a question about her?" Sakura questioned. She watched her nod.

" Where did Yujin come from?" Sakura held her breath. She assumed it would be a bit of a heavy question. It was common knowledge that hybrids typically weren't mated with humans. She'd only ever head of it being possible a handful of ties. But, with the newfound discovery of Wonyoung and Yujins' relationship, there was no denying that these types of relationships existed.

"I don't want to go into much detail. It's Yujins story to tell, not mine" Sakura nodded her head in understanding.

"I did meet Yujin in college like you guys all know. But I didn't meet her in class like I said. I met her when I was doing my clinicals at the hospital, and I had come across her," Wonyoung explained.

"And you figured out she was your mate?" Sakura asked.

"Not exactly. I had offered to take her in for a couple of weeks when the hospital said they were gonna discharge her; at the time, I thought Yujin didn't have money for anything. And well, I guess you could say she grew on me," Wonyoung beamed.

Sakura smiled at the explanation from the younger girl. It made her ponder the direction her new relationship with the hybrid on her couch could possibly go. Before she shook her head, she shouldn't be thinking about this. It's too early to think about this, both in their relationship and well in the day. She doesn't even know where the hybrid stood. Hell, Sakura still didn't even know her name.

"I want to ask you something else," Sakura said before she got a nod from Woyoung to task.

"Was Yujin able to speak when you found her?" Sakura was curious whether or not the hybrids' behavior was normal to other hybrids.

"Yeah, I mean, she was shy at first. But she was always able to communicate with me. Can your hybrid not?" Wonyoung asked.

"I'm not sure. When I talk to her, sometimes she answers in one word, or sometimes she just nods, but most of the time, she doesn't answer. I'm not sure if it's because she doesn't like me or she genuinely can't talk."

"I'm sorry, unnie, I'm not sure what that could mean. Maybe she's still warming up to you." Wonyoung smiled optimistically.

"Yeah, maybe," Sakura sighed.

"Can I see her?" Wonyoung asked.

"Y-yeah, give me a second." Sakura got up from her bed and made her way down the hallway quietly. She stayed just out of earshot of the hybrid before she flipped the camera to face the hybrid, making sure her light grey ears were visible in the frame.

"At least she seems well-trained enough. When Yujin first came, she wasn't even potty trained," Wonyoung laughs as she recalls the first couple of days with Yujin. Reminding her much of the situation Sakura was currently having.

"Ye-yeah, I guess so."

And just as she says that Sakura can hear the sound of something trickling.

No, No, No, No, is all that rang throughout Sakura's mind as she looked back up at the hybrid. To see that, yep, within a matter of a few seconds, she had her eyes off the hybrid. She somehow managed to take off her sweatpants and start fertilizing the plants, if you will, near a fake plant she had in the corner of her living room.

And it seemed like Wonyoung had heard it, too, with how she had started laughing.

"I'll text you later, Wony. Thanks for the talk. It really helped." Sakura tried to end the Facetime quickly.

"It's no problem, unnie, and I hope everything goes well for you and your hybrid," Wonyoung hung up.

Your hybrid

Now, why was Sakura enjoying the way that sounded? Before, she was interrupted again by the sound of trickling water, which she now knew was, in fact, not water. God Dammit, how much water had the hybrid drank? As Sakura looked up, the hybrid was now doing her business in the middle of the room.

Sakura is thanking whatever god is up there for deciding not to install a carpet and settling for hardwood floors.

- When Sakura had called the RoH and informed them about her current situation with the hybrid they immediately wanted to meet her. From the tone over the phone, Sakura wasn't able to tell if it was purely out of concern for her safety or out of awe that there really was a hybrid in this part of town.

The RoH told her they were going to send a doctor to her apartment as soon as possible. And just a short mere two hours later, there she was. Upon hearing the knock at the door indicating that the doctor was here, the hybrid quickly got up from her place on the couch, got in a defensive position, and started growling at the noise.

Sakura had to tell her it was okay and that RoH was just here to help. She told the hybrid to stay in the apartment while she went and talked to the doctor alone, and she got a grunt of annoyance from the young girl.

When Sakura opened the door, to her surprise, the doctor was a young woman. She was definitely in her 30s, and she was fitted in a white coat carrying along a briefcase.

"Nice to meet you, Mrs?" Sakura held out her hand.

"Bae, it's good to meet you too, Miss Miyawaki," she said as she shook her hand.

"I take it you wanted to talk alone before I meet the hybrid?"

"Yeah, she might be a little on edge right now. I told her a doctor from the RoH was coming over, and her response wasn't great," Sakura tried to explain.

"Mmm, wasn't great how?" The doctor asked.

"At first, when I told her, she seemingly was okay with it, but when she heard you coming to the door, she started growing."

"That's understandable. It's quite common for hybrids to struggle when meeting new people." Mrs. Bae nodded.

"I've already been made aware of the circumstances you came across her. Since then, has there been anything that could give you an idea of where she could have come from?" Mrs Bae asked.

Sakura debated in her head for a couple of moments, debating on whether or not to tell her about the scratches and marks she had found on the hybrid's skin. A part of her was afraid that if she told her, the hybrid would be taken away. And for some reason, she didn't want that. However, she wanted to be honest with the doctor. After all, they would know what's best for the hybrid. And that's what Sakura wants for the hybrid. Right? But was it worth the possibility of her getting taken away? She pondered.

"Um, when I brought her home and gave her a bath, I actually saw a lot of scratches and scars on her body."

"Unfortunately, that is also quite common for hybrids that have been found on the street, whether it be from the physical damage caused by wherever they came from or from wild animals they encountered before being found. It really is a case-by-case sort of thing," The doctor explained.

Was it really that common for hybrids to be treated this badly? Sakura wonders. Sure, hybrids aren't usually in the general population. Since they typically came from the countryside, saying that Sakura assumed that they lived secluded lives.

"Th-there i-is something else, too." Sakura started to feel nervous again. The doctor waited for Sakura to speak again.

"I-I saw some sort of scarring in the shapes of letters, too," Sakura was able to get out. For a split second, she was able to see Mrs. Bae's eyes widen before they went back to normal. She stood there for a moment as she waited for the older woman to collect her thoughts.

"There is quite a high possibility that those marks were a branding." The doctor stated.

Sakura's eyes widened in shock. But, now that she thinks of it, it started to make more sense.

"When hybrids are branded, it typically means they were kept by humans for a reason. I've seen cases when the branding has been used for things such as breeding," Mrs. Bae explained.

Sakura took in the words falling from the doctor's mouth. It was starting to make sense in her head as she started to form the story in her head. The hybrid must have found her way into the alleyway after she had escaped from where she was before.

"W-what does the branding mean?" Sakura asked.

"The reason for them can vary. It can be anything from their name to just random identifiers for their captors."

Sakura just nodded as questions started to flood her head. And as much as she liked to ask them, she needed to focus on the task at hand. Sakura opened the door back to the apartment and was met with the hybrid growling at Mrs. Bae, who remained poised, standing up straight. The doctor observed the hybrid. Maintaining eye contact with the hybrid till she had stopped growling and just remained silent. The doctors started to take notes in her notebook as she did a physical on the hybrid.

To be honest, for Sakura the next hours for her were a blur. Most of what the doctor did for the hybrid was done with Sakura off to the side. Still though, she managed to remember Wonyoungs words and told the doctor specifically to make an appointment for a blood test. She also recalls the doctor telling her she was going to call to set up further health-related appointments as they walked towards her door and bid her a goodbye.

After the visit from the doctor, Sakura had opted just to order pizza for dinner for the pair. They were currently sitting on the couch watching TV. It seemed clear to Sakura that wherever the hybrid was before, she didn't have a TV. Whenever it was turned on, the hybrid seemed so entranced with whatever was playing.

But, for Sakura, she kept thinking about what the doctor had told her. Was it really that far off to think that the hybrid could have been in one of those places where people kept hybrids as captors? It would explain the clearly calculated scratches and marks she had discovered that littered the hybrid's body the day she found her. This would also explain the indentations of letters in her skin. It didn't even feel right just to say they were indentations.

The hybrid was branded by somebody for a reason.

Sakura just couldn't figure out what. And she wasn't sure if she was ready to know. How could somebody do that to her? Sakura knows people hate hybrids, but to abuse them like that. Sakura didn't even want to think about it.

So, she didn't. Well, at least she tried not to.

What didn't leave her mind, though, were the letters.

NKZH

Were they a company? Maybe the girl's initials? Sakura wonders. And she was really hoping it would be the latter.

If the first two letters are her sir name, then that must mean the last two are her first name, Sakura deduces. She doesn't even know if she's right. However, she supposed she wouldn't ever know unless she tried. So she did.

"Zaho" Sakura blurted out. Catching the attention of the hybrid, but not enough to warrant anything more than a stare.

"Zeha," She tried again.

Nothing.

"Zuhe"

Nothing.

"Zuha"

Upon those syllables falling from her mouth, Sakura hears something. It's a quiet thumping, a sound you would have to focus to hear. Something she would have missed if she wasn't actively wanting her hear a response. She looked around for the source of the noise until she looked down at the gap between her and the hybrid.

"Zuha," Sakura repeated.

There, the noise was again. And as her gaze was on the gap between them, she saw her tail wag. It was thumping on the cushion of the couch. Sakura looked at the hybrid, her eyes still on the TV, but her ears twitching along with her tail.

"Your name is Zuha?" Sakura asked.

The hybrid nodded.

-

It doesn't even hit Sakura. Her heat had started till it was too late.

Now usually, Sakura was very punctual with her heat schedule. She even had an app that would tell her how far along she was in her heat cycle. It was so unlike her to forget her suppressants. She hadn't forgotten to take them in the last five years, why now she asks herself.

Okay, she may know why she forgot. And it had something to do with the hybrid still residing on her couch. It had been about a week since the hybrid had first come into her home. Sakura had just been so caught up in taking care of Zuha that she had forgotten about herself. Now that she thinks of it, maybe she did simply ignore those notifications she got from her heat app, warning her to take her suppressants.

The hybrid had just been taking up so much of her time lately, from the RoH appointments to teaching her basic chores. Her world was completely taken over by the young girl. Not that she minded, really. It was nice to come home to someone waiting for her. Even if Zuha's communication skills still weren't the best, she was making an effort, and that's what mattered. However, because of all the time she had been taking up, Sakura had ignored the warning signs of her heat coming—the lethargy, the hot skin, and most prominent of all, the warm ache between her legs.

Finally, having time for herself after a long day at work and caring for the hybrid. Sakura was lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, when her mind started wandering. It's not like she was trying to. She really was trying to think about anything else. But, the heat between her legs just was getting harder and harder to ignore. She can't help it, as much as Sakura would hate to say it. She's still an omega, and what she needed right now was an alpha.

And yet she didn't have one. She was alone in her bedroom. It would be so easy to wake up the sleepy hybrid on the couch Sakura thought. Get on top of Zuhas lap, and start grin-

Nope, nope, nope, you still barely even know the girl, Sakura sighed.

It's true that the pair had grown increasingly closer even within just this past week. Zuha would no longer growl at her whenever she got too close. And she had started to try and communicate the best she could with her, even if it was by simple nods or gestures. However, saying that, it was still hard to ever gauge any deep emotion from the younger girl. She had tried to ask Zuha more about her past and how she found herself in the alleyway. But, the hybrid seemed detached whenever she'd bring it up, always just shrugging her shoulders or looking away.

Get ahold of yourself. Sakura ran her hands through her hair as she tried to think about literally anything else that wasn't Zuha related. And unfortunately, it was harder than she thought. It had been so long since she'd last gotten off and even longer since she'd gotten laid. She's not some sort of prude, and it's just that with the convenience of suppressants, she never got the urge.

Sakura tried to remember the feeling of being touched by an alpha. The last one she had been with was good enough. She had gotten her off, and that's much more than she can say for any male alpha she had slept with, if you'd even call it that.

She remembers the touch of the alpha's fingers down her chest. As she imagined it in her head, Sakura reached her hand beneath her shirt, cupping her breast. They were much more sensitive than usual. She let out a sigh of relief as she used one of her fingertips to run her finger over the peak of her nipple.

Fuck she needed more so much more. Sakura could feel the stickiness between her legs growing. She tried to remember the way the alpha pushed her fingers in. Sakura slides her free hand beneath her shorts. She shivers at her cold hands nearing her most sensitive area. She let out a breathy moan as she rubbed herself over her panties. Before quickly biting her lip in an attempt to stifle it, she remembered the hybrid still residing in her house. Thinking about if she could hear her. What would Zuha do? Sakura's mind wandered.

Would Zuha come barging into her room? Rip off her shorts and panties and fuck her right there. Her strong arms could so easily hold her down. Sakura's hand traveled beneath her panties, swiping her fingers over her sensitive core. She's so wet. She reached her hand, previously cupping her breast down to tug down her shorts and panties. The room's cold air made her groan as she felt it hit her core.

She teased her entrance, slowly sinking one of her fingers inside. It wasn't enough, not even close. She craved something deeper. She thinks about Zuha's hands and how much bigger they are than hers. She can recall the touch of them when Zuha would be in the kitchen helping her cook, and she wanted a taste of whatever Sakura was cooking and she'd grab her hand to bring the food into her mouth. Her entire hand wrapped around her hands, almost comedically big.

She can't help but think about her long, slender fingers inside her. How deep they'd reach inside, how much they'd stretch her out.

Fuck Sakura moans, that's what she needs. She needs someone to stretch her out, fuck her deep inside. She needs to feel them. She needs to feel Zuha. She's taken glances at the hybrid bulge way more than she'd like to admit despite having bought underwear, shorts, and pants that actually fit her. The hybrid just never bothered to wear more than just shorts around the house, leaving really nothing to the imagination, which was working in Sakura's favor right now.

Not to mention the hybrids body. She felt like a pervert for even thinking about it. The hybrid still wasn't very good at bathing herself, so Sakura was the one to do it for her. And throughout bathing her, Sakura's gaze couldn't happen but wander. The hybrid had a strong, fit body. Sakura would watch as the water flowed down her skin, over her toned abs. She would find herself getting caught up staring at her body.

She slipped another finger inside easily. She was so wet. She pumped her fingers in as deep as she could, just barely grazing the spot she needed it the most. Sakura's eyes tightened as she teetered closer to her orgasm. She could feel herself starting to drip onto the sheets. She slipped another finger in, the filthy sounds of her pussy filling the room. She lowered one of her hands to her clit, making her let out a high-pitched moan. She started rubbing her clit in a slow and light, as she tried so desperately with her other fingers to fill herself.

It felt good, sure, but it wasn't what she craved. She needed to be full. She needed to be fucked. For fucks sake, she needed to be fucked by the hybrid. She wanted to feel how deep Zuhas cock would reach inside, how much she'd stretch her out. How would it feel to be fucked by her? Would the hybrid be rough or gentle with her, she wonders. She needed it. She was getting closer, she could feel her wrist aching in exhaustion, but her other hand made up for it as she rubbed her clit faster.

Sakura dragged her hips against her fingers, desperately trying to get them as deep as they could go. She didn't even care to muffle her moans. It was not like they'd do much anyway with how loud she was being. Her breaths started hitching as she quicked her wrist movements in a last burst of energy. In tandem with her movement on her clit, Sakura came with a loud moan. As she felt her body spasming, her feet planted on the bed, gripping the sheets.

Her breath started to calm down after a couple of moments. She slowly retracted her hand from her nether regions. Sakura couldn't help it. She felt empty in more ways than one.

Perhaps it has to do with her still heat-cluttered mind. But she wished the hybrid was next to her. Not just for the most obvious reason, but she felt so cold, so alone on her bed. Sakura thought about the feeling of the hybrid arms wrapped around her as she started to drift asleep.

[auroralwriting]

the master heist

con artist!bucky barnes x reader

bucky wants you to help him get his money back from an old friend.

warnings: violence, light manipulation, kind of dark bucky, based off of seb's movie sharper!

word count: 2.5k!

"What the hell do you want with me?"

You hadn't even learned the man's name yet. He picked you up off the side of the street after a very public and very loud fight and breakup with your now ex-boyfriend. He pulled up in a Mercedes, walking out, grabbing your duffel bag of personal items. He tossed it in the backset, waving you, telling you to come on in. So, you did. It wasn't like you had anywhere else to go.

"What's your favorite movie?" He asked, ignoring your previous question. He was making himself a drink, holding an empty cup to offer you some. You shook your head.

"Uh," You hesitated, "I guess maybe Jurassic Park?"

The man raised a brow, coming to sit next to you. You tensed at his presence. "Yeah, good plot. Stupid people,"

"Very," You mused softly. "Why would you even want to go to a theme park with real dinosaurs?"

"And that man who died at the beginning?" The man nodded.

You turned your body closer to him, "Yeah, it was so stupid."

"I wouldn't know, I've never seen it." The man suddenly said. Well, wasn't he just full of surprises?

The drink in the man's cup swirled as he set it down. "You've never seen it." Your words came out less of a question, and more in disbelief.

"I'm not really a movie guy," He hummed. "And that's what I'm going to teach you."

Your eyebrow dipped up in confusion. "I'm sorry?"

The man gave an annoyed sigh, "I make people believe I'm someone else to get whatever the hell I want."

"So," You paused, shaking your head in disbelief at the current situation you'd gotten yourself in. "You're a con-artist?"

"No," The man replied, "I'm like, an actor, you could say. I'm not hurting people or anything."

Well that was weird. "I never said you did," You argued back. The man rubbed his chin with a chuckle at your reply. "What? Did I say something funny?"

"You've got fire, I like that." He acknowledged. "What's your name?" You told him your name, he nodded, mouthing it like he was getting used to saying it. "I'm Bucky. Look, I need some help. I can't always get the.. customers I need. That's where you come in."

That made you wonder what kind of gig this was. "What's in it for me?"

"Free place to stay, share of money, someone to cook for you," Bucky listed. "Want me to carry on, or do you get it?" Bucky's tone wasn't condescending, nor was it full of malice.

"Why me?" You questioned. "You don't even know me. Also, how do I even know you're a safe individual? You could be, like, some murderer who wants to sell my parts on the black market."

Bucky chuckled at your words. "One, I don't murder or even consider the black market as a viable option for my work. Two, I'll give you every proof of identity I have, hell, I'll even let you run a background check." Bucky paused, giving you a smile. "But, let's be honest, where else do you have to go?"

He was right. You didn't have anywhere else to go. Bucky was your only option as of right now. Plus, you'd be making an income. "Alright," You sighed. "I'll help you."

"My name is Avalon DeClain, I was born in Mississippi, moved to Pennsylvania when I was six for my dads work." You recited. "I majored in chemistry in college, Penn State, graduated top of my class. I have a dog, Sydney, a german shepard. I'm single and my parents died when I was in high school."

Bucky smirked, "What year did you graduate?"

"Class of '16," You replied. "Graduated college early by a year in '19."

"You're doing better than I thought," Bucky smiled honestly. "Really, good job."

You smiled at his words, a small rush of heat going to your cheeks. "Thank you," It had been a month and a half since you started living with Bucky. As promised, he took care of you. He was teaching you all he knew.

"What do you say we celebrate tonight?" Bucky offered.

"Celebrate what?" You asked, your knees pulled up to your chest as Bucky stood up to grab some drinks for the two of you. "Is it your birthday or something?"

Bucky laughed, "No, not my birthday. Just," Bucky sucked in a breath, "A celebration of your wild achievements. I'd say you're graduating top of my class."

"Well, I'd sure hope so." You teased as Bucky walked back over. He handed you a glass of champagne, his own filled with a dark wine. "I am your only student, after all."

"And still my best work," Bucky clinked his glass with your own as you both took sips.

For a while, the both of you talked and drank. Somewhere in the last month, you had gotten Bucky to actually open up. He told you about how he grew up doing this life with some friends. However, he refused to speak about one in particular; Steve. Tonight, things seemed different though.

"Look, we've been doing small stuff," Bucky started, his tone becoming more serious. "You're perfect at the small stuff. But, I haven't been honest with you, doll."

"What happened with him?" You cautiously asked, ignoring the burning of your cheeks at the nickname

Bucky's eyes widened for a moment, his face then relaxing as he released a breath. "I knew you were intuitive." Bucky sighed, rubbing his face with his hand. "Steve was my best bud. We did, well, everything together. Until, well, one big job we found." You nodded, urging Bucky to go on. "It was some old guy, Richard. We both decided to become his assistants until he passed; he was old as rocks, if not older. After he passed, Steve and I said we'd split the money. It was around ten grand each. I guess the old man also had grandkids."

The look on Bucky's face almost broke your heart. "He took it all,"

"Not just that," Bucky continued. "He tried to get me fucking arrested. Damn good thing I was friends with one of the cops."

"So," You began. "How are we getting him back?"

Bucky's face was a mixture of relief, joy, and passion. "I love that fire in you," He sighed contently. "Tomorrow night, Steve's going out on his annual celebration. Something to do with his work successes?" Bucky wasn't sure. "His actual job, conning is a side for him."

"All right," You reassured. "I'm ready for this. What's our plan?"

"You're gonna flirt with him," Bucky explained. "He doesn't have a type, just pretty girls with short dresses. You're gonna explain how you need money for grad school, and of course he's gonna give it to you. He prides himself on being some social saint or whatever."

This plan felt way too easy. "That's all?" You remarked. "That feels.. too easy."

"Steve's girlfriend, Natasha," Bucky sighed, "She's gonna be up his ass all night. You gotta find a way to get her out of there."

You internally cringed. Great, that was significantly harder than before. "What's she like?"

"I really don't have a single clue," Bucky huffed out. "That's the one flaw of this, which is why I need to be sure you can do this."

Bucky looked nearly defeated. It was obvious he needed your help, he couldn't do it without you. "I promise you," You grabbed Bucky's hands. "I can get you that money."

No, you thought. I can get you even more.

Bucky had no way of checking in on you to see how things were going. He left his full trust in you to not fuck this up. You could see it in him all day; he was stressed. His hand kept running through his hair, he couldn't stop tapping his feet against the wood floor.

You walked into the bar, a smooth, tight, black dress on, red heels to match. You looked around for a moment, seeing if you could spot Steve.

It really wasn't hard to find him, bright blonde hair, a boisterous laugh that was actually really cute. That was definitely the man you were looking for.

Bucky gave you a script to follow. Steve once knew a guy, Howard, back from high school. The two had zero connection now, but good old Howard was your way in.

"Excuse me," You asked, walking up behind Steve. He and Natasha both turned around. "Are you Steve Rogers?

Steve gave a smile, "Yeah, that's me. You are?"

"Oh, I'm Avalon." You reached out your hand to Steve which he shook. You followed the same action with Natasha. "I'm good friends with Howard."

Steve slapped the counter with joy, "Howard! I remember that son of a bitch. How is he?"

"Great," You smiled. Natasha scooted over a seat, letting you sit between the two. "He's got a wife, good job."

"That's great. I always liked that guy, such a good man. He deserves a great life." Steve gushed as you awkwardly smiled in return. You ordered a drink as Steve rambled.

You shyly began to comb your fingers through your hair as Steve subtly checked you out. "He was actually the one to tell me about you. He thought, well, maybe you could give me a hand."

The bartender slid you the drink, one you failed to catch as it spilled all over the front of you. Both Steve and Natasha gasped. "Oh my god! Oh, that'll never come out." Natasha gasped.

Steve quickly grabbed napkins to help you try and sop some of it up. "Are you okay?"

"Perfectly fine, just a ruined dress. I just bought it, too." You whined. In reality, this was all a part of your perfectly made plan to get Natasha out of there.

"Sweets, I'm gonna run home and grab her a new dress. We only live fifteen away and there is no way I'm letting her spend the rest of the night in a ruined dress." Natasha fell for the bait. This was perfect.

You quickly feigned guilt, "Oh, no. Please, it's really okay."

"No, I insist." Natasha said as she stood up, grabbing her belongings. "I'll be back as soon as I can, Stevie." Natasha left a small kiss on his cheek and rushed out of the building.

"I'm so sorry about your dress," Steve said, eyeing places it did not spill.

"It's fine, really." You said.

Steve was not subtle with checking you out anymore. "So, what was that favor Howard said I could help with?"

"Well," You bit your lip in a fake shame. Steve was quick to use his thumb to remove it from your teeth. "I have a pretty lousy job. I have this shitty apartment and a dog to take care of. I'm still paying off student loans, and I need to get my masters to get a decent paying job," You falsely admitted to Steve, batting your eyes at him as you sighed deeply. "I just.. can't afford to live. I'm eating a meal a day to afford dog food and groceries. Howard said that maybe you could help me out?"

You'd never seen a man nod quicker than Steve in that moment. "I'll do you one better. I'll help you pay off those student loans and get yo you paid off for grad school."

A gasp left your lips. To Steve, it was shock of his kindness. In reality, it was shock your plan worked. "Oh, God no. I couldn't ask for all of that. I was just gonna see if you wanted my dog-"

"Anything for a friend of Howard." Steve shook his head. "How do you want the money? Actually, no. Let me give it to you cash. You don't need to pay more taxes from that." You didn't even notice Steve had a briefcase with him. He opened it, leaving you in shock. You'd never seen so many hundred dollar bills stacked together before.

Steve counted out some stacks, making a pile. "I'm just gonna spit this half with you. Should be, ah, about maybe twenty grand?"

Your eyes almost popped out of your head. "Steve, I really couldn't-"

"Please," Steve scoffed. "I could make this money back in a day. I insist, you deserve a beautiful life for a beautiful woman." Steve's hand rested on your cheek as he thumbed it over softly. For some reason, his touch made you uncomfortable. All you really wanted was Bucky.

"I appreciate this more than you know." You sighed, leaning into his touch. "Thank you, Steve."

"It's no problem, sweetheart. Here, use this to carry all that in. We don't need you getting robbed." Steve handed over a large pouch from the case, shoving the money in it. "Get home safe, and give me a call sometime."

You nodded with a smile, but deep down you felt disgusted. You couldn't wait to show Bucky what you got.

"Bucky?" You called as you walked in. You walked in the living room to see Bucky jumping up from his seat.

"You look scared shitless, doll. What happened?" Bucky immediately rushed to your side. You hadn't even noticed how anxious you were, but it was a good anxious. "Did he touch you? I swear I will fuck him up if-"

Cutting off Bucky, you opened the bag to reveal the money. "He did some light touching, but I made it work to get you a little something extra."

"Ho-ly shit," Bucky breathed out, his eyes gleaming with disbelief. "Doll, how much is this?:

"Steve said twenty grand," You answered. "I thought I would play it up to get some more out of this."

Bucky looked to you, alarmed. "Did you let him-"

"No!" You cut him off again. "God, no. I just let him eye-fuck me and touch my cheek. That was enough for him. You're right, he is some social saint."

Bucky quickly scooped you up, hugging you tightly in his arms. "Fuck, doll! You're a fucking genius. You're actually fucking insane!" Bucky yelled as you laughed. "Why'd you do that? Put yourself through that for this?"

"It was for you, Bucky." You shyly admitted. "You gave me a second chance, so I wanted to give you what you deserved."

Bucky's hands came to rest at your hips as he drew you in closer. "Did you like the way he looked at you?"

"I only like the way you look at me," You breathed out, his face getting much closer to yours. "I just wanted you to be the one to touch me."

"Doll," Bucky muttered, his lips so close to your own you could almost feel them. "You're a fucking dream." Bucky pushed his lips against your own as you wrapped your arms around his neck. You sighed contently into the kiss. "Your dress is also fucking sopping the floors."

You gave a smirk to Bucky, "So take it off, then." He smirked wildly at you as he grabbed your hand, leading you to his room.

"Maybe I will,"

[exeggcute]

well it's been almost six months which I think is long enough to break my posting embargo, so, uh: guess what! I got liposuction lol. specifically hip/thigh lipo to quell some pretty wicked dysphoria that stemmed from having such a feminine silhouette… and I have to say I'm really, really pleased with the results.

tbh my initial plan was to keep things under wraps for good which is why I haven't said anything about it yet (and even as I'm typing this up I keep debating whether to post it or trash it)—partly because I was/am worried people might Act Weird about it and partly because I get a little embarrassed talking about bodygendershit in general. but here we are. one reason I do feel compelled to finally share, other than being super happy about how everything went, is that I haven't encountered a lot of discussions about body sculpting as a possible avenue of gender-affirming care (although, to be fair, maybe I just haven't been looking in the right places) and I figured at least one person out there would be interested to learn about what I did and where I've ended up so far.

anyway. pics/details under the cut—nothing even remotely risqué (or yucky), I just know that body image stuff is fraught + not everyone is eager to hear surgery talk.

to be precise: I got tumescent liposuction of the inner and outer thigh, plus this ultrasound thing to help the skin shrink. a different surgeon who I consulted (but ultimately did not go with for a number of reasons) said that even if I got the results I wanted from lipo, which he claimed was unlikely, the affected skin would look loose/baggy/weird forever... and that surgeon was wrong on both counts lol. my elasticity was great bitch!!!!

they didn't take out that much fat overall, only eight pounds or so, but it's way more about the Where than the How Much. my actual surgeon (who kicks ass btw) said lipo isn't that great for weight loss per se, and what it's really good for is sculpting targeted areas—so basically exactly what I did. six months post-op I actually weigh about the same as what I did pre-op, but the distribution has held steady; more weight goes to my stomach now and less, proportionally, goes to my hips since there are fewer fat cells in that area now. so my silhouette retains its new shape!

the overall change is admittedly on the subtle side, since I'm pretty short and have wide hip bones (and you can't change your literal skeleton) but it's still gone a looooooong way. the main thing I requested from my surgeon was "I want to fit in men's pants" and boy did he deliver.

also a good place to note that if you're in the las vegas area looking for a plastic and/or cosmetic surgeon—this guy is board-certified in both btw—then I absolutely have the guy for you. feel free to DM me for details. lipo is clearly his specialty (and it shows!) but he also does a lot of breast revisions/mastopexy (i.e., fixing implants that other surgeons did a bad job putting in), regular implants, and face work (particularly facial feminization surgery). one thing that sold me on this guy was an enthusiastic yelp review from a local stripper who said he hid the incisions for her breast lift in her armpits so none of her clients would notice that she'd had work done... a true master of his craft

okay you've scrolled enough so I'll give you what you're here for lol. I don't have many pre-op pics because I was obviously unhappy with how I looked and was not taking full-body selfies on a regular basis, but here's a few I took ~2 weeks beforehand:

these super thin men's joggers were my go-to dysphoria pants, to the point where I bought five pairs in different colors, but now they're so baggy on me that they have the opposite effect and make it look like I have wider hips than I do. so I retired them from my wardrobe...

...except not immediately because I had to wear compression garments 24/7 for the first three months post-op and these joggers were just loose enough to comfortably wear a medical girdle underneath them at all times, 110° degree temperatures be damned. (not that I was going out much for the first month since I was soooooooooooo fucking bruised and sore lol.) here's a few post-op pics in the same style pants:

(first pic is less than 24 hours post-op, about to go to my follow-up appointment, looking greasy as fuck because I wasn't allowed to shower yet; second pic two days post-op and also post-shower, thankfully; third pic is about a month post-op.)

so, like, CLEAR improvement already. I will not be posting pictures of my black-and-blue-and-swollen-all-over legs but considering how puffy I was from getting internally pummeled with a cannula it's wild that I still saw improvement literally as soon as I came home.

recovery was obviously not a blast in the moment but I got off easy, all things considered. I was supposed to get drains put in and was Not looking forward to that at all lol. the first thing I asked when I woke up after surgery was "how many drains?" because they weren't sure if I'd end up needing two or four, but it turned out the answer was zero. no drains!!!

I did have to lie with my feet elevated for the first two weeks straight, and had major bruising that receded over the first month (you could barely see my regular skin underneath all the mottled spots), but little to no nerve pain, no weird complications, and I was more or less back to normal after six weeks. also noelle took very very good care of me and was brave about injecting me with blood thinners so I wouldn't get clots and die :)

when I went into it I was fully expecting to get huge vertical scars up and down the sides of my legs (and had made peace with it!) but instead I wound up with four tiny incisions like this, each less than two inches long:

what's totally crazy is that the scars are basically Gone now. like even when I'm trying to find them I struggle to locate the ones in the front. I joked to noelle that if someone did an autopsy on me they might not figure out that I'd had cosmetic surgery, especially since the skin on my thighs is back to its normal color and texture. (in this scenario I like to imagine that it's dana scully giving me the autopsy and I'm in an x-files plot where instead of regular lipo I got alien lipo and mulder figures it out purely by accident.)

with lipo it can take up to a year to see the full results but I already feel so much fucking better in my body that seeing old pre-op pics throws me for a loop. and I can absolutely wear men's pants now—pants for short and stocky men, to be fair, but actual regular men's pants and not exclusively Pants For Men With Huge Butts And Legs. which is the only style I could even hope to fit in before. and even then it was a stretch.

big pic dump of shitty mirror selfies taken over the last few months:

:)

(also I really debated sharing this one but I already included it in the yelp review I left my surgeon so fuck it: here's a tasteful before-and-after in my undies where you can see my bare legs for easier comparison. left pic is one week pre-op, right pic is about five months post-op. including it as a link instead of embedding it in the post in case your boss happens to be reading over your shoulder at this very moment. also this is the one and only time you will ever see me stripped down on tumblr dot com so don't get used to it lol.)

[justmeinadaze]

My Little Man (Steddie X You) (Part of HFOD and SS Universe)

A/N: I guess you guys would call this season 3? Lol. My angst hella took over as well as some feelings I've been dealing with lately.

Enjoy please <3.

Part of this Universe

Warnings: Demon Steddie & Human Fem Reader, No SMUT in this one, FLUFF, they love each other and their son. Demon Steddie is navigating how to be human while taking care of a pregnant Y/N.

ANGST: More or less the normal level of angst that comes with this series. The theme is grief and PTSD (from a soldiers perspective). Y/N is still struggling with the notion of her parents not being there to see Ellis grow up and the guys (especially Steve) is struggling with being raised how they were and taught to fight. Eddie struggles with feelings of enabling because of everything they went through.

The dreams probably have the most feels. They talk to their loved ones and Ellis says goodbye. Steve has nightmares that involve his dad being a dick (of course) and something that happens within one angers Eddie (blood briefly mentioned).

Word Count: 6398

"Don't you know I love you more than life itself Don't you know that you're my pride And I would not have you walking through this world Without me by your side

Go to sleep my little man Don't you weep my little man"

3 Months Pregnant

Steve sits on the bench outside of the library he had just exited from, sighing heavily as he closed his eyes and threw his head back.

Ever since the three of you got home, he and Eddie had been doing research on which human job they would best be suited for in your realm but were struggling to find much of anything. For him, it was even more difficult since he was raised to be a solider. He genuinely didn’t know how to do anything else and it didn’t help that even though you explained a lot of human behavior, he still felt slightly ignorant with many things. 

“May I sit?” The demon jumped at the sound of a gravelly voice beside him. “Oh, shit. Sorry, son. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“No, it’s alright. Um, please.”, he gestures towards the area beside him causing the man to flash him a thankful grin as he takes a seat. 

“How long?”

“I’m sorry?”

“I asked how long. I know the look of a fellow veteran trying to figure out how to adapt to a civilian lifestyle. How long has it been since you saw combat?”

“Oh, uh, it’s…it’s been a few years. But I did it the bulk of my life.”

“I can imagine with you being so young. I bet one of your parents was a solider as well?”

“Wow. Yeah, that’s amazing. How did you…?”

“I told you, son. I know the look.”, the man chuckles as he extends his hand. “Truman Duvall; Ex Lieutenant Colonel in the United States Army.”

“Steven Harrington. Um, Sergeant in the US Army. Well, Ex.”, Steve laughs nervously as he hopes his memory of things he’s learned about humans in the past is still up to date.

“Nice to meet you. If I may ask, what were you thinking so hard about specifically?”

“My girlfriend is pregnant and I’m trying to find a job so I can help support my family. I want my son to have a better life then I did but I have no idea where to start.”

“Congratulations on the little bundle! I have four myself, two of them grown and out of the house already. My wife pretends like she’s glad they’re out but she misses them.”, he laughs. “I don’t know if you would be willing but down the street here, we have a recreation center where veterans go to relax and let loose. They’ve been looking for a counselor to lead the group therapy. I think you’d be a good fit.”

“Yeah? Um, I guess I could…”

“Look, you don’t even have to make a decision right now. Why don’t meet me there tonight? We’re having a little party get together thing. Of course, you can bring the girlfriend and you both can meet the person in charge. See if you feel comfortable.”

“O-Ok. I, um…” Steve pauses as he debates on if he should tell the truth about Eddie. That was a fight they had when it came to going home. He had been afraid that they would have to hide their relationship and he never wanted to hide or be hidden when it came to the man he loved. But this is also where he wanted to raise his son and he didn’t want to cause a commotion before you four even had a chance to settle in. What would Eddie do?

“Can I bring my boyfriend as well? He’s a veteran to. We actually met during our tour.”

Truman’s mouth pouted out ever so slightly as his eyebrows lifted in surprise. 

“Oh, um, sure! The more the merrier.”

***

“Steven, oh my God, that’s amazing!”, you exclaim as you wrap your arms around his neck. “I’m so happy for you.”

“Hang on, now. I don’t have a job yet but…”

“Don’t sell yourself short, bud.”, Eddie grins from his place on the kitchen counter. 

“I hope it’s ok that I kind of…announced…our relationship. We actually didn’t talk about what we wanted to do but I know if we had stayed in our realm I’d want to be honest.”

The long-haired demon opened his arms and Steve promptly placed himself between his legs with his back against his chest while Eddie rested his chin on his shoulder. 

“I’m glad you did. I love you and I’m not hiding that.”

“Me either.”, you smiled as they beamed right back. 

Suddenly, the happiness drains from your face before you turn and bolt towards the bathroom. You three had been home for a couple of months and within the past week some of the normal symptoms of pregnancy began springing up such as the morning sickness you were currently experiencing. 

“It’s alright, baby. Get it all out.”, Eddie tries to sooth as he holds your hair into a makeshift ponytail. As soon as you were finished, you fell back into his arms and thanked Steve when he handed you a bottle of water. 

“This is normal, right? Humans get nauseas like this.”, he asked. 

“Yeah, honey. It’s normal. I’m alright. I think I’m going to take a nap so I can be 100% for tonight.”

“Y/N, you don’t have to go.”

“No, Steve, I want to go. I want to see where you’ll be and the people you’ll be around.”

################

“Steve! You made it.”, Truman shouts excitedly as he reaches out to shake the boy’s hand. “You must be the girlfriend.”

“Hi. I’m Y/N.”

“Y/N. What a beautiful name for a beautiful woman and this is your…boyfriend? Right, son?”

“Yes, sir. This is Edward.”

“It’s nice to meet you. Steve said you’re a veteran as well. Were you a sergeant like himself?”

“Oh, uh, no. I was more of a private I guess you’d say. But we spent a lot of time together especially on the battlefield.”

“Wow and for you two to still be so close and find a relationship through all that chaos! That’s amazing. I always tell my wife if she met me during my tour she would have hated me. A lot of civilians don’t understand the headspace you have to fall into to do what we have to do.”

Both demon’s nod in understanding and you can’t help but softly smile as you watch them interact with the other people around them. Steve was definitely in his element and you could tell in some way he felt more comfortable in this setting because he was around beings who seemed to understand what they both went through. As his new friend spoke, his eyes remained intense and focused as he absorbed everything he said. 

Eddie excused himself to grab some drinks but became distracted talking to another couple and began to laugh at something they were saying. The first time you met him he expressed a particular distain for humans but he seemed to open up more since they were freed, finding something interesting in each person he interacted with. 

“Hey, this is my girlfriend Y/N.”, he introduces when you walk over to check on him. “Y/N, this is Lisa and Shawn Bennett. Lisa did a tour in the Air Force flying jets and Shawn was a DJ overseas.”

“Oh wow. For the military or just on your own?”

“For the military. I’m kind of like that Cronauer guy they made the movie about. I read the reports and played music I thought would lift the troops spirits.”, the man explains. 

“Kind of like me.”, Eddie whispers in your ear making you smile. “What do you two do now if I may ask? Steve and I have been searching for employment but we have no idea what would fit us.”

“Well, I actually own a store of my own selling books and comics; things like that. I’m a bit of a nerd.”, Lisa laughs. 

“And I teach media and music courses at the local community college up here.”

“That sounds like a lot of fun actually. Are they looking for another music teacher because Eddie is an amazing musician.”

“Yeah? Unfortunately, they aren’t but you should consider maybe starting your own business as well. You can teach kids to play guitar or any other instruments you know and you can do it from your house or maybe the music store downtown is hiring.”

“Are you looking for a job to, Y/N? I’m trying to hire someone to help me with my shop.”, Lisa offers with a smile. 

“Oh, I’d love that. I’m, uh, I’m actually pregnant though and I wouldn’t want to leave you stranded after you just hired me.”

“That’s fantastic! Don’t even worry about it. You don’t seem very far along yet. I can teach you the ropes before you give birth and that way when you come back, you’ll already know what to do!”

As you glance at Eddie, his eyes widen with encouragement as he nods his head. 

“Ok, I’d love to work for you.”

Lisa claps and gives you a big hug as your demon beams behind you.

***

“Hello fellow veterans, spouses, and partners! Glad you could all join us tonight. I hope you are having some much needed fun! I do have just a quick announcement to make. I would like to introduce you to Steven Harrington who is new to Hawkins and after speaking with him I feel like he will be a great addition to our center here as the group counselor.” The man at the podium smiles as he gestures towards the demon and everyone around the room claps. “Steve, why don’t you introduce yourself?”

When he hesitates, you gently push him forward, urging him softly before he relents and nervously climbs up the makeshift stage. 

“Um, hi. Sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve been seen by so many people.” The people chuckle as you and Eddie grin knowingly. “Like Thomas said, I’m, uh, new to Hawkins but my girlfriend is from here and my partner and I thought it would be better for her to be back home where she felt safe with her family so we can start raising our own. I-I-I…shit I used to better at this.”, he chuckles before glancing your way, your gentle smile comforting him. 

“I was raised in a military household. My dad was a solider so that’s what I was expected to be. As soon as I was able, he handed me a weapon and commanded I train to be the best. There was no wiggle room there. It was all or nothing. When I saw war…I shut down and did what I had to. I took no pleasure in killing, contrary to popular belief.”

“The worst part about shutting down that way was how it flowed into my every day. I was as an asshole to everyone including women I dated and people I trained… except for some of the people closest to me…Robin, Chrissy, and Eddie. When Edward and I got out…I felt so out of control…so lost. I lost my identity and everything I knew. If I didn’t have him by my side… Then we met Y/N and without her we literally wouldn’t be here today.”

Steve paused, looking out into the crowd, and realizing he may be talking too much. 

“Sorry. I’m sorry. Thank you so much for this opportunity and I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

The people in the room clap as he steps off the stage and you immediately wrap your arms around his waist as Eddie lightly caresses his cheek. 

***

4 Months Pregnant

You beam at Eddie as he softly strums his instrument. That day after Shawn suggested it, he went down to the music store in town and applied for the job as a guitar instructor. After playing and showing off for them he got the job. He loved hearing the kids try and play reminding him of the children he watched over with Steve during their war. 

Today was everyone’s day off so they were being lazy in bed with you in your pajamas and both demons in nothing but their sweats. 

“Ok, this thing here says for humans you should be feeling him move around now.”, Steve announced as he gestured towards the book he was reading. 

“I haven’t felt him move yet unless the occasional nausea is him saying hello.”, you giggle. Leaning over him, you grab his hand and place it on the middle of your stomach. “Talk to him.”

“Uh, I…hey, Ellis. It’s, um, your daddy. I’m not scaring him with my voice, right?”

“No, baby.”, you grin as you pet his head. “This is how he’ll get used to it though. Hearing and seeing you both in your demon form.”

“Buddy, you have no reason to be afraid of us in any form. I’m sorry your dads aren’t as beautiful as you and your mom but—”

“Hey, speak for yourself.”, Eddie teases making you laugh. “I’m a sexy motherfucker.”

“Oh.”

“What?”, Steve’s eyes shift up excitedly. 

“You didn’t feel that?”

When he shakes his head, you place his hand closer to the side you felt movement, gesturing for the other demon to do the same.

“Say something else.”

“Hey Ellis. This is your other daddy and I assure you we are very handsome.”

“Holy shit.”, Steve exhales as he grins up towards his partner. “That’s amazing.”

“I’m glad you agree, kid.”, Eddie smiles.

***

6 Months Pregnant

Eddie growls at the crib he was trying to assemble as his glowing red eyes glare at the instructions again. Over these past couple of months, you three had made your dad’s old room your bedroom and begun shifting the room you used to sleep in into Ellis’s. 

Going off his personality from your dreams, you painted the room blue with images of guitars along the base boards and up along the ridges of the ceiling. Near where his crib would be, you put up pictures of everyone in his family that loved him including Robin, Wayne, Dustin, and everyone who had passed that he had been conversing with these past six months. 

The boys were able to get everything a baby would need from your realm but also from theirs including those books that Eddie had wrote and some toys demons normally played with at a young age. 

“Whoever invented these contraptions should be tortured for eternity.”, Eddie grunted as he tried again putting a few of the pieces together. 

“You guys don’t have cribs in your realm?” 

“Yeah but they were like boxes essentially. Or at least mine was. I’m sure Steven had gold porcelain or some shit.”

“No.”, Steve chuckled as he took the wrong part from his partner’s hand and handed him the correct one. “I had a regular little wooden thing with soft blankets.”

“I wish I could see what you two were like as kids.”

Since they left Maeve, they weren’t able to snap memories into your head like they were before. It hurt them more than you because you always seemed curious about them and they wished they could show you everything from their point of view, not Henry’s or Mirage’s. 

“How much did Mirage show you?”

“She showed me big events more than anything. Steve always looking for his parents especially your mom. She did play sword fight with you once and you looked so happy until your dad yelled at her for ‘ruining your training’.” You rolled your eyes as Steve pet your head and sighed. “Eddie, I did see what your uncle told me about with your mom singing to you.” The demon’s glow receded in his eyes as he glanced your way with a small smile. 

“Until my father told her to shut up?”

Tilting forward, you crawled over his work to kiss his lips making his smile widen as he caressed your face. 

“What about your parents, honey?”

“Both my parents were amazing. My dad always loved to make us laugh. He liked being a girl dad and my mom exploited that.”, you giggle. “She would make him wear tutus while I would do his makeup and they both would dance.”

A tear left your eyes and both demons promptly gave you their attention. 

“I’m sorry you guys don’t have your parents here. You both deserve better.”

“Baby, it’s ok—”

“Eddie it’s not okay.”

“Will you let me finish?”, he jokes. “It’s ok because I had my mom and I had Wayne. Then as I got older I got my other family. Steven, Robin, Chrissy, and even Dustin. Now, sweetheart, I have you two and Ellis. I couldn’t be happier.”

“I agree. I’m thankful for the memories I do have with my mom but the kids I trained and beings I fought with…that was my family. I’m so excited to see what’s in store for us, you know. See what Ellis is going to do with his life.”

You smiled as you kissed their lips before you wince and lean away. 

“Ow. Little butthead is kicking my side.”

“Hey, kid.”, Eddie teases as he tilts towards your tummy. “Why don’t you stop hurting your mother and come help me make your torture technic of a crib.”

###############

8 months Pregnant

You, Steve, and Eddie walked into the house you three had been in so many times these last few months except now it was completely empty. All the furniture and everything was completely absent as you entered the living room full of people.

“Ellis?”

Everyone in the room moved out of the way to where Eddie’s mom was hugging her grandson to her chest as he sobbed. 

“I don wanna go!”

“You have to, baby. Your mommy and daddies need you now. They’ve been waiting so long to see you.”

“Mom?”, Eddie asked as he stepped towards her. “What’s going on?”

She softly smiled as she handed him to your father who spun him around as he chuckled but your son just buried his face further in his neck. 

“Come on, little guy. Your parents have made you an awesome bedroom and knowing my daughter she’s going to show you so many amazing things.”

The little boy shook his head as your dad kissed his temple before handing him to your mom. 

“Steven, remember, you once told me that everything would be ok and you were right. I’ve watched you both take care of my baby and I assure you, you both are going to be more than ok. You are going to be amazing parents.”

He beamed at him as he wrapped his arms around the demon and pulled him in for a hug. 

Your mother grinned as she reached out to touch your face as you started to cry. 

“I’m scared to do this without you.”, you whisper. 

Your parent’s smiles widen as she kisses her grandson and places him in your arms. 

“We’re not going anywhere. We’re always right here.”, she soothes as she points to Ellis’s forehead. “Right behind that door, honey.”

“I love you.”, you son coos as each grandparent reciprocates his affection. 

As both your demons come to your side, you look down to no longer see a toddler but a newborn baby wiggling in your arms. Steve gently pets his head as Eddie reaches for his tiny hand that immediately clings to his finger. 

All of your eyes shoot open but yours is followed by a grunt as you place your hands on your stomach. 

“Fuck! I think…”

They don’t waste any time as they collect you and your things before rushing towards the hospital. 

***

“How long are they going to keep him back there?”, Eddie growled as he held your hand.

“Calm down. Y/N said this was normal. They need to clean him, check his vitals, and all that.”

“Yeah, but Steven, what if something comes up in those vitals that frightens a human.”

The other demon’s eyes flash red in warning in his direction as a low rumble leaves his chest. 

“Maybe we should have had him in your realm.”, you respond groggily as your heavy eyes shift their way. 

“Baby, don’t let Edward scare you, ok? He’s fine. He’s got more human in him right now than anything. Dustin said he would grow into his demon parts.”

“He also said we’re the first couple ever to do this so…”

“Edward Munson, I swear—“, Steve’s anger was cut short when the door to your hospital room opened and a nurse casually sauntered in.

“Hey Munson-Harrington family.”, she smiles. “We have little Ellis here fast asleep and everything looks good. Mommy, how are you feeling?”

“Like I gave birth.” The nurse laughs at your joke as your demons roll their eyes. “I’m alright. A bit exhausted.”

“Yeah, that’s normal, sweetheart. Good news is your baby is in perfect health. Would you like to meet him?” Your eyes fully open as you sit up, smiling softly when she places him in your arms.  “I’ll come check on you three in a bit.”

Tears start to fall as you fully take him in. Right now, he seemed like a completely normal child with soft skin and just a sliver of brown hair poking out of his blue beanie. 

“Hey, honey. You’re so handsome. I’m your mommy.”, you coo in a whisper as you kiss his forehead. “Oh my god, he smells so good.”, you laugh as you look their way. 

Eddie was the first to step forward, sitting beside you on the bed as he caressed his son’s chubby little cheek with his finger. 

“Holy shit. He’s so soft.”, he breathes. “You’re perfect, kid.”

Steve finally takes a seat as well and reaches out to feel his tiny hand. 

“He’s warm to. Is that normal?” When you nod, he almost breathes a sigh of relief. “Ellis, we’re your daddies. You ARE perfect, oh my god.”

The baby squirms a bit in your hold giving them pause before pulling away. 

“I think that was his way of saying thank you.”, you smile. 

###########

3 Weeks Old

“Fascinating.”, Dustin muses as he rocks Ellis in his arms while swaying around the living room. “He really does look just like a little human with the soft skin and everything. Nothing has stood out?”

“Can you stop analyzing our baby and just enjoy him?”, Eddie snaps as he sighs. 

“No, nothing.”, you giggle, answering his question. “And so far he seems to eat but not as much as normal babies.”

“How so?”

“Babies are supposed to eat every two hours; we’ve been feeding him every six. I was worried at first but we just took him the doctor and she said he was healthy. When I tried to give him a bottle every two he would cry and push at my hands.”

“Interesting. That has to be hard, Y/N. Him not being able to verbally tell you things like that. I hated when my kids cried in general but you…you still have that whole trial and error thing going.”

Glancing towards your demons, Eddie had fallen asleep with his head nestled in Steve’s lap on the couch who was already napping when Dustin arrived. 

“It is. I appreciate everything you’ve done for us though and I know they do to. I’ve been keeping a record like you suggested should this ever happen for anyone else.”

“Good.” When he notices your gaze shift again, he takes a seat on the floor beside you and lays Ellis on the blanket between you both. “Everything ok with you three?”

“Yeah, I’m just a little worried. They were both already so protective over me and now that he’s here… Steve’s been having nightmares. He pretends he doesn’t but I hear him groaning in his sleep and feel him wake up. I asked him the other night if he still has access to my dreams and he said he can’t find the door anymore.”

A tear fell down your check as Dustin reached out to comfort you. 

“As I’m sure you’ve noticed, Eddie’s attitude has been a lot shorter lately. He’s exhausted and worried about the three of us. He triple checks everything to the point that I find him asleep on the floor by Ellis’s crib because he’s too tired to make it back to our bed and would just rather be closer to his son just in case.”

“What about you? Besides the worry I mean.”

“I know I’m probably being paranoid but sometimes I feel like we’re being watched. It may just be because of our dynamic. I know not everyone is excepting like the new friends we’ve made but no one has said anything… I don’t know. Just…mom brain maybe.”

“Hm, maybe. Keep an eye on that. From what you’ve told me, you’re always pretty intuitive. Wouldn’t want to miss something you know?”

#########

5 Weeks Old

“Oh my god, Y/N, look at him.”, Lisa coos at Ellis as she holds him in her arms. 

“Are you alright, Steve? You look like you haven’t slept.”, Shawn chuckles. 

“Yeah, I’m doing alright. Just…little guy keeping me up.”, he forces a smile. 

Your friends were having a get together for veterans and their families and since Steve worked at the center you suggested you three should go and be seen. Truthfully, you thought it would be good for them both to get out of the house as well as having him specifically spend some time with his new veteran friends to talk about anything that may be weighing on his mind causing his nightmares.

As the night wore on you noticed their soft grins return to their faces as he and Eddie mingled with the people around them. They radiated warmth as they talked about their son and everything he had done with his short little life so far.

“Have you guys started baby proofing yet? I swear when my daughter started crawling it was like she knew which areas were the bad ones!”

“Oh no, not yet. He did smile at Y/N the other day. Ellis has a beautiful little grin.”, Steve boasts.

“At that age usually it’s just reflexive. They see you guys smiling so…”

“Isn’t that all babies though? Like that’s how they learn?”, Eddie genuinely asks as the dads around him laugh. 

“Yeah but who knows some babies are different! You may just have an extremely happy baby who couldn’t wait to show you guys how much he loves being here.”

Time passed and a few of the guests left, leaving the main few that you had really gotten to know. You all sat in the living room while Eddie patted his son’s back as Ellis slept soundly. Steve tenderly petted the baby’s head as you beamed at them from your place in the chair across from them. 

“So how has everything else been going?”, Thomas asks as he chugs back some of the beer in his bottle. 

“Everything has been good, man. Just focusing on them, ya know?”

“Yeah, I understand. When my son was born, that first night I checked on him every hour on the hour. Then for some reason I kept checking on my wife. I knew our son needed us both and I kept thinking ‘What if something happened to either of us?’”

“I can understand that. I, uh, before Y/N and Steve, I lost a lot of people I loved and there was nothing I could do. Now that Ellis is here…it would kill me if anything ever happened to him.”

“Do you have nightmares about it? About losing them?”

“I don’t but Stevie here does.”, Eddie answers causing Steve to toss a glare his way. 

“I do but it’s fine. It’s not a big deal.”

“I had them to. Sometimes I would dream they were on the battlefield I fought in. I would run to them but I could never quite reach them.”, Thomas sighs at the memory. “What do you dream about?”

“It’s fine really.”

You’re not sure if anyone else heard but you and Eddie did as the demon’s voice fluctuated to his real one for a split second.

“Steven…”

“It’s ok, Y/N. Like I said, I get it. If you talk about it, it gives it validity right? You’d hate to manifest something like that into existence. Someone killing Y/N and your son.”

Steve’s eyes closed as his head ticked to the side. 

“Ok, Tom, I appreciate what you’re trying to do but I’m putting my foot down. You’re going to push him too far and he’s already got enough on his mind.”, Eddie defended rising to his feet and handing you the baby. 

“Ah, you’re the enabler I imagine. You allow him to shelter his feelings so he doesn’t have to deal with them.”

“You’re damn right I do. You humans have no idea what we’ve been through!”

“Interesting word choice. Is that how you separate people from your experiences?”

“Come on, guys, let’s head home.” As the long-haired demon grabbed his boyfriend’s arm, he remained frozen in place. Kneeling in front of him, he cupped his face in his hands. “Steven, it’s ok alright. You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to. Let’s go home and get some sleep, huh?”

When the demon finally opened his eyes, Eddie’s widen in fear; he knew this look all too well. As subtly as he could, he got to his feet and towards the front door with you trailing after him. 

“Steven—”

Once the wind of the outside hit your faces, he expanded his wings, cutting you off as he vanished into the air.

***

“Edward, baby, are you ok?”

Eddie nodded from his place on the floor next Ellis who was sleeping soundly beside him. After laying down as well, he softly smiles your way as he continues caressing the baby’s open hand. 

“DO I enable him, Y/N?”

“Eddie…”

“I just…we went through so much… Every day I had to watch the man I love breakdown. Even when we were out, summoners never treated us with any kind of respect. They knew we wouldn’t be there for long. In our realm, he was hero and with one choice, he was banished and imprisoned…because of me.”

“No, Eddie. Everything you two went through was because of Henry. He killed Chrissy and framed you. Jason didn’t give Steve much of a choice. He was going to disobey orders and hurt you.”

“I always tried to make it up to him… I tried not to show my feelings, pretending I didn’t care we were trapped. Pretending I wasn’t scared and just as angry as he was. I’ve done that my whole life, Y/N. When my mom got sick, I did everything I could to make her laugh so she wouldn’t see how devastated I was. Every time my father came home upset, I acted like I was tough but I was fucking terrified, baby. I was so scared.”

A tear fell from his eye and your immediately wiped it away with your thumb.

“When he fled, I was afraid for my uncle. I didn’t even think twice when I signed up but I was positive I wouldn’t last a month out there on the battlefield. Steven and Robin helped me become a better fighter. With Chris I pretended to be more together than I was. She had enough on her plate at the time and I wanted her to feel safe.”

“It seems like that’s why you pretend, Eddie, so the people you love feel safe.”

Sitting up, he started to cry harder and you immediately crawled to him, curling up in his lap as you held him in your arms. 

The sound you recognized as a portal opening grabbed both your attention as you called Steve’s name.

“Hey, no, sorry. It’s just me. I have him here though.”, Robin answered as she came around the corner with the demon leaning half-conscious around her shoulders. “My girlfriend sent me a message saying he was there at the bar. He had been babbling about how human drinks aren’t strong enough and something about you two and Ellis.”

After leading her to the bedroom, she gently placed Steve onto the mattress. When Eddie entered the room, she smiled when she saw your son’s wide eyes looking back at her.

“He woke up.”, the demon announced as Ellis yawned to emphasis his point. 

“You need to let your parents get some rest, booger.”, Robin coos as she pokes his nose making him smile. 

“Some of our friends said for human babies around this time smiles like that are a reflex.”

“Yeah but he’s not entirely human and that beautiful, drool filled grin didn’t seem reflexive.”, she responded. “It seems like he can handle the demon skin since he’s letting us touch him.”

“Yeah, I think that’s the potion.”, you nod as you reach out to tickle the baby’s chin. “Thank you for bringing Steve back, Robin.”

Softly smiling, she leans down to kiss your forehead.

“Seriously, you and Ellis are so soft—”

“Ay yi, ma’am. This human is ours.”, Eddie playfully scolds as he swats his hand in her direction. 

***

Loud banging and clinking echoes behind the door you’re looking at as smoke occasionally slips through the seams. Taking a long exhale, you reach for the handle but someone tapping your shoulder startles you as you turn and smack the person’s face. 

“Ow! Jesus woman. How many times are you going to pop me?!”, Eddie whines as he rubs his cheek. 

“Edward, how did you—”

“I don’t know. I’ve been looking for the door for months. Maybe you finally calmed me down enough to know what I’m looking for.” Nodding, you kiss his lips. “So what’s the plan?”

“I think…this is Steve’s door. I don’t know. I’ve been trying to access his dreams but I haven’t been able to.���

Holding your hand, he carefully turns the knob and you both step through. Glancing down at his attire, Eddie realizes he’s suddenly in his old battle armor and you both are on the battlefield they fought on all those centuries ago. 

“Why am I not in armor?”

“I mean, you weren’t there, baby.”

“What the fuck are you two doing here?!”, Steve’s father shrieks above you as he lands on his feet. “Leave. NOW. My son needs to learn his lesson.”

“YOU’VE been giving him his nightmares?”, you growl.

“Not exactly. He started having them on his own but I’ve been fueling them.”

Shifting your gaze behind him, you both watch as Steve slaughters enemy after enemy, panting as he slowly tires himself out.

“Steven! Do better! You think these fuckers are going to show mercy on your son?! You have to do what I taught you to get the truth!”

Eddie gripped Bill’s throat and angrily threw him to the ground. 

“You made your hell his hell, you fucking asshole. He told me all about you and everything you did to him. You ruined his life enough! Leave him be.”

“Please. He’s doing this to himself. He’s worried about you two peasants and that thing. I’m making him better. Stronger.”

Grabbing a sword from the ground, you lift the handle and point the other end towards his throat. 

“You heard him. Leave Steven alone or else I swear to God, Bill, I will find a way myself to keep you in hell.”

Growling under his breath, he tried to stand but you and Eddie forced him back down with your weapons. Huffing he suddenly disappeared as well as every other solider that had fallen around the other demon. 

“Ed-Edward?”, Steve panted heavily when you noticed you both there. “Y/N? What are you…? It doesn’t matter. We need to get to Ellis or else Henry’s going to kill him. We have to—”

“Baby, look at me.”, Eddie tried to soothe as he cupped his cheeks in his hands. “You’re dreaming ok? Henry is gone and Ellis is in his crib fast asleep.”

“N-No. No? I can hear him. I can hear him crying! Can’t you hear that?!”

“Steven—”

“NO!”, the demon growls loudly as he shoves the man he loves hard backwards. “Who are you?! You’re not Edward. Y-You’re…You’re trying to trick me. Are you Mirage? Did Henry and his dad hire you to stop me?!”

“Steven…”, Eddie cried with worry as he threw the sword he was holding to the ground and held up his hands. “Sweetheart, please, it’s me. I promise. I would never hurt you like that. I would never keep you from our son.”

As he tried to step forward, the other demon shoved him to the ground.

“I-I-I need to get to my son.”, Steve sobbed as his voice cracked. “I know you’re not Eddie. Tell me where he is.”

When he didn’t answer, he pulled back and pushed his weapon downward. 

The sound of your grunt filled their ears as your eyes met Steve’s wide glassy ones. When you both looked down, blood drenched his sword where it had pushed through your stomach and around your back. 

“Baby?”

Looking up at him again, you smiled through the pain as blood dripped from your lips. 

“Why…why does it hurt?”

The three of you opened your eyes at the same time as you sat up clutching your stomach. Lifting up your shirt, there was no wound but it felt so real. You could still feel the stinging pain lingering on your skin. 

Eddie’s head slowly turned meeting Steve’s still shocked expression as is mouth hung open in shock. 

“I—”

The long-haired demon’s growl cut him off as his eyes glowed bright red. 

“Take us to another realm that we can fucking damage NOW.” You didn’t say anything as Steve rose to his feet with his head hung preparing a portal for them to go through. “Stay here.”

Coming around the bed, he waited for the other demon to finish as you peeked into the world they’d be going to. It was completely baron with nothing but white as far as the eye can see. 

“Fitting.”, Eddie responded in anger as he and the other demon walked inside. 

As the portal began to close, you quickly got up and jumped through right as it disappeared. 

You knew Eddie may be mad but after what happened this wasn’t something you were going to let them handle alone. 

##############

@tlclick73 @tiannamortis @steeldaisies @goodhappyfriday @paleidiot @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes

@strangerthings64 @howlingco @eddiesguitarskills

@prettypeachsworld @nailbatanddungeon @notlempet

[the-girl-in-the-high-castle]

The absurdity and stupidity of all shitflix cancelations lies in one simple question: How many of those canceled shows have you actually heard of before they got canceled?

- Warrior Nun - never heard of it until the moment I started seeing its fans spamming every shitflix post. And that was its second season. It had two seasons, for fucks sake, and most of us have never heard of it. You wanna know whose fault that is? Let me give you a hint. No, it's not the viewing numbers.

- First Kill (or whatever its name is) - Never heard of it until, once again, I saw people complaining about the cancelation under shitflix posts. Once again, guess whose fault that is.

- Santa Clarita Diet - Never heard of it. Didn't even know it was canceled until it made it to the list of pissed of people counting how many of them they axed. Whose fault is that?

- Inside Job - Yeah, never heard of it until it got canceled. Also, canceled after they renewed it. Shitflix: guess we changed our minds.

- Archive 81 - Heard of it when the cancelation was announced.

- The OA - Remember just hearing about it through the fog, even though it came out years ago.

- Sense 8 - know about it only thanks to fans' videos and fanart. I don't remember shitflix ever mentioning it.

- Lockwood & Co - I know about it thanks to fans spamming posts asking for renewal news.

And the list goes on with, I assume, shows I have never heard of.

I've never seen any of these shows, but my open wound is 1899 that I believe got treated the dirtiest of them all.

I have heard of it two years before the premiere, thanks to a 50 seconds long teaser that got me patiently waiting for years because it was my cup of tea. It came from the people who proved themselves before by creating a critically acclaimed show that you can find on a top 10 list of greatest shows of all time. Those people have spent years developing a new filming technique for shitflix. What a way to say thank you.

8 out of 10 people around me have seen 1899. Those people haven't even seen GoT or LotR for fucks sake, the most famous show and movie ever, but they have seen 1899. But not because shitflix promoted it, but because people did.

There was zero promotion, zero cast interviews, zero mentions after the release. It was still watched and talked about by so many people. It has more viewing hours than their hit shows running for 3+ seasons put together. It's a show you can't just binge and forget, you have to actually turn your fucking brain on. It was released in the most busy time of the year, during the damn World Cup and winter holidays. It was still number one for weeks. It was given less than 30 days. They decided to cancel it before it even premiered. They deleted the trailer with 10+ million views from YT.

The same goes with other shows. I have seen zero cast interviews, zero promotion or mentions by their own platform and they still have loyal fan bases that didn't stop talking about them.

But then you have dogshit shows like the Night agent that is getting hyped by shtflix every single fucking day. Fake numbers, pumped up to get people to watch a generic, a hundred times seen before, piece of crap. It got more hype than fucking GoT, and yet I know zero people who have actually watched it. Yep, there is no one I know, in real life or online, that has actually watched this show. So you figure it out.

People who have watched the shows I've mentioned probably have the statistics for them, and have probably seen the viewing hours being blamed for it, which was bullshit.

The latest nail in the coffin was Lockwood & Co. They kept fans waiting for months, and then they announced the cancelation during Eurovision so that fans wouldn't be able to go viral about it because everyone talked about fucking Eurovision.

Shitflix has canceled 26 sci-fi/fantasy shows in the last 3 years. 26! Do you all remember when we couldn't even name 26 shows of all genres put together, let alone watch them?

What all these shows had in common is that they were original and more or less unique and creative, not something you can find at least 6 copies of in either streaming or network TV.

It's like they created all these shows just so they can cancel them, because they are doing their best to actually burn every trace they ever existed.

Shitflix is killing creativity in every form, but in the end, that will be their undoing.

[sweaterkittensahoy]

Some financial advice that may be actually helpful

Based on one of y'all (sorry, I'm lazy, I'm not scrolling back) mentioning the terrible advice of "Make six figures."

Like, bitch. I'm TRYING.

But, let's say you live in a shocking world where you don't pull six figures out your bosses's ass every year. How can you make small financial changes that can lead to larger financial security?

These are all utterly subjective and based on things I've either actually done or just observed. I'm gonna try to skip over shit like, "shop for clothes second hand!" because shit like that can require a HUGE time commitment, and it's not even always worth it.

Anyway:

If your grocery store has a free rewards program (you put in your phone number or email address), get that set up. Yes, it will track what you purchase. But it also means when you get coupons in the mail, they're for things you actually buy. In our two-person household, we can save anywhere from 0-15 bucks a week depending on how coupons land.

If you can get a grocery card with fuel points (Fred Meyer and Safeway do it here in the PNW), you can save LOADS on gas. A dollar a gallon easily.

Also do any pet store reward programs that might be available. As the Bean does not require a great deal all the time, her rewards build up slowly, but every few months, we get enough points to get ten or twenty bucks off a purchase.

Do NOT buy in bulk if you're not gonna eat in bulk. Five pounds of rice is great if you eat rice regularly, but if you only have it every now and again, smaller portions of boxed rice are likely a better option. The same is true for any dried foods. Yeah, it's shelf stable, but it takes up more of the shelf. That could hold the stuff you actually eat steadily.

Frozen fruits/veggies are as healthy as fresh. And they'll stay ready to eat a lot longer. Consider that with how you eat and how much you eat a certain vegetable. It may be better worth your money to have three bags of frozen broccoli in your freezer than to keep buying fresh broccoli you forget to use in time.

If you're looking at a generic that says "Compare to BRAND NAME." It's the same formula. That's why they can say that. The reason it's cheaper is because the copyright or trademark costs money. Take that off, and boom. Cheaper cost for the same stuff.

If you have a car, know the way you drive it and how that can affect it. For example, if you do a lot of city driving, your transmission and (if applicable) stick shift are gonna wear down faster than you might expect. It's not always mileage. It's starting and stopping. However, if you drive long distances without stopping a lot (rural areas), your higher mileage car may not need any work on those things. Get your oil changed and your tires checked, and know what to look out for in terms of the kind of car you have and the driving you do. For example, we have less than 100k miles on our 15-year-old car, but we've mainly used it for city driving. We had to get the clutch re-built a few years ago, and last year we had to get the transmission goos updated because they'd run dry. These aren't surprising needs for a city-driven stick shift that's over ten years old.

There's a schedule to big shit going on sale in the US. Mattresses are a big thing around Memorial Day for some reason (Support the Fallen Troops by...fucking???). Electronics go big on sale before school starts and on Black Friday. Memorial Day is also big for cars, as is the 4th of July. If you hand make anything, certain colors of stuff go on sale before major holidays. Orange and black before Halloween. Red, green, and white before Christmas. Pastels before Easter. Etc.

Consider how much use a product will get before you decide you can or can't spend a little extra on it. Do 300-count sheets do the job? Yes. But speaking from recent experience, the 1500-count sheets feel so much nicer, which makes sleeping so much nicer, and I use them literally every single night, so the initial investment works out to basically the same even if I'd gotten cheaper sheets.

But also, stuff like sheets and comforters and stuff go on sale at various times! And your bed ain't gonna go through a growth spurt! Keep an eye out for those deals and scoop up the super soft stuff at a discount if you can!

And lastly on this main list, a very very important thing coming from a former poor kid: Fucking treat yourself. You know how much money you have. You know how much money you need. Maybe it's not hard to treat yourself because you're financially solvent, and in that case, this advice isn't for you. It's for those of us who have struggled to deviate at all from our list of NEEDS to give ourself even a very small WANT because WHAT IF I NEED FIVE BUCKS IN TWO DAYS. I get it. I do. To my bones. And I say fucking treat yourself, and if in two days, you suddenly need five bucks, do NOT feel bad that you got yourself a little something. You can't see into the future, and catastrophizing is so bad for you. Trust me. I know. Just. Remember, in all of this, give yourself a little focused care, okay?

All of that being said, a few more general points:

Dish soap is made to break up grease and oil, and it's commonly antibacterial. This makes it fucking perfect for cleaning your shower (covered in your greases and oils) and your bathroom in general (same reason). I don't recommend it for your toilet, but that's a personal preference based on zero research. The point is, most of your bathroom can be cleaned with dish soap. Get all your stuff off your counters. Make a thin layer with the dish soap. Let it sit for five to ten minutes. Scrub. Bonus: You can breathe the whole time.

Vinegar kills germs. Like, lab-tested kills germs. You can clean your kitchen with Vinegar and Borax (odor-reducer), and it costs a fraction of buying the kitchen-branded cleaners.

Borax is also great as an addition to laundry soap for odor-reducing reasons. So, even the cheap laundry soap is more effective with Borax.

"But Gayle, you can make your own laundry soap if you--" Yes, I know. And it's cool you know that. But it takes TIME to make laundry soap, and time is the only thing less reliable than money when it comes down to it.

Look up "No Buying" options in your area. This is usually a Facebook group or maybe a subreddit. The goal is that no one in the group wants to buy or sell anything. They just have stuff they want to get out of their house. It's not a 24/7 goldmine, but it's a once-a-day scroll through that could lead you to a pricey item for free!

If you have stuff that says "handwash," and you think, "Okay, I want to, but that's a whole new task." Nah. Just take a shower and bring it with! Hell, wear it in if you have to. I do this a LOT. Use the water and your soap (which, as it's likely a body wash or soap, will break down those skin oils and such) and give it a good washing while you stand there. Then, squeeze out the excess water and toss that thing over the shower rod. If you have a drying rack, use it. But if you don't, just leave it where it is and leave the fan going. It'll take care of itself. Just double check the label to know if hot water is a bad idea and if you need to lay flat or hang dry. If you need to lay flat, super squeeze the water out and lay it flat wherever you can.

And, lastly for this long post: If you need the expensive shit, buy the expensive shit. I have celiac and MCAS. My bread is five bucks a loaf. Peanut Butter fucks up my histamines. Almond fucks up my histamines. I need five dollar bread and fucking cashew butter to make a fucking sandwich. But the other option is getting sick from putting stuff in my body my body will fight against, and trust me, those urgent care visits stack up.

[lowkeyerror]

Teamwork

Kate Bishop x Reader

Word Count: 3.3k

Notes: Honestly its been so long I dont even know what goes here... probably violence

Summary: The leader of the Avengers thinks that Kate and Y/n need to work on their teamwork so he sends them on a mission together.

An: I won't say that I'm back prematurely (like I did my last post like 4 months ago) but I will say I feel the need to post so perhaps I will

Masterlist

Kate was sweet like gumdrops. She was the kindest soul you had ever crossed paths with. Her doe eyes were always filled to the brim with emotion. Her skin was soft like clouds in the sky.

These were indisputable facts in your eyes, yet no one would know that by the way you treated her.

You and Kate were colleagues. Both young and upcoming heroes with a lot to prove. Technically you were on the same team, but you treated Kate as your rival.

You and Kate were not cute friendly rivals, but bitter ones. Mostly due to your nasty attitude towards her.

Though you actually quite admired how good Kate was at her job, you acted as though it irked you. Every time she was in the field, she came back a better hero.

She was good at adapting to others' mistakes. She might panic under pressure, but she never failed a mission. The most irritating thing is that she did it all with that award-winning smile plastered on her face.

You were also very good at your job, just a lot less enthusiastic than Kate. If Kate was a gumdrop, you were black licorice.

You worked endlessly on becoming a better hero. Your precision was perfect, it was your gift. There wasn't any chance you'd miss a target. Whether you were throwing a knife, shooting a gun, or trying to make a paper ball in the trash can.

As the youngest members of your team, the two of you often found yourself paired together.

Being paired with Kate was such a double-edged sword for you. On one hand, you got to be extremely close with the most beautiful woman you'd ever seen. On the other hand, you always acted as though you hated her.

" Earth to Y/n, are you listening to me?"

You slowly nod at your captain's words, not at all hearing what he said.

He tilts his head to the side," Ok then what did I say?"

You remain silent, not having the slightest clue of what he said. Kate couldn't hold in her laughter about your blunder. You glare at the brunette.

" I said the main point of focus in this team is our teamwork. If we're going to be working together, we have to respect each other at least. You are lacking in that department."

Kate laughs even louder, causing you to speak up.

" Why is she here for this?"

Sam speaks up," Because she's also lacking in that department."

Kate's laughter stops abruptly," What do you mean, I'm great at working with others?"

Sam looks between the two of and shakes his head," Every time you two are sent on a mission together, you bicker at each other the entire time. You lose focus, and you almost cost us the mission."

" Key word, almost. We've never failed a mission as partners. Our success rate is 100%"

" I don't like having to agree with Y/n, but she's right. Even without being buddy-buddy, we always find a way to complete the job."

Sam sighs," I've seen the tapes, I know the missions get completed, but there's a lack of teamwork. For example, you're hardly watching each other's backs."

" Kate's a big girl, she doesn't need me to look over her shoulder," you argued with him.

" This is what I'm talking about. Everyone on this team is capable of getting the job done on their own. Which means if we send more than 1 person, it is absolutely necessary for you to be looking out for your partner. If I don't see some proper teamwork on your next assignment, you both will be suspended from field work until you can sort it out."

" Are you serious?"

" You can't do that."

Sam slides a folder over to the both of you before standing up," Figure it out, because I'm not playing."

You were fuming when he left. This wasn't fair to either of you. Why were you being punished for being successful on your partnered missions? Just because you weren’t besties doesn't mean you deserve this treatment.

" If you scowl any harder, your face will be like that permanently," Kate spoke to you.

You glare at her again, and she puts her hands up in surrender," That's not very teamwork of you, Y/n."

You sigh and put your head in your hands," This is fucking stupid."

Kate rubs a hand through her hair," I agree. So let's get it over with."

After briefly scanning through the files, you both got prepared for the mission. You were going to check out a minor anomaly in some small country you'd never heard of. The locals had been recently reporting the same suspicious figure, seemingly scoping out the place and buying normal household things that could be used to enhance chemical weapons.

" So, how exactly are we going to demonstrate teamwork?" Kate interrupted the silence on your ride.

You shrug," Fuck if I know."

Kate rolls her eyes," Guess I'll be doing all the heavy lifting as always."

" What did you just say?"

She crosses her arms," You heard me."

You get up from your seat and walk over to her. You squat down so that your face is level with hers. From there you can smell that intoxicating perfume she wears. Her doe eyes are sharp as they look into yours. You almost compliment her, but then reality kicks in.

" Listen here, princess, there was some truth to what Sam said back there. We don't have to like each other, but respect is necessary. And I don't appreciate the disrespect from you."

Kate scoffs," You disrespect me all the time."

" Name one time."

Kate begins to open her mouth, then promptly shuts it.

" I make snide remarks, sure, but I've never said anything negative about your skill level or ability to get the job done because you've given me no reason to."

Kate tilts her head," Was that a- did you just compliment me?"

You break eye contact as you feel the tip of your ears heat up," Look, all I'm saying is don't act like I'm not good at my job."

Kate keeps a small smile on her face," I never said you weren't good, I just think I'm better."

" I'm not having this argument with you."

The rest of the ride was fairly silent after that. The silence was different from the usual bickering, but maybe the captain would see that as a step in the right direction.

When you arrived in the country, you could already sense that something was off. It was a mixture of a gut feeling and observation. It seemed like most of the townspeople had barricaded themselves inside.

" Something isn't right with this place," Kate speaks softly as you both walk further into town.

When comparing what you saw in front of you to what was in the file, it was easy to see large differences in the town. Though the town was small, it wasn't supposed to be vacant by any means. The robust amount of locals was the ones who reported an issue in the first place.

" I don't like it at all. Keep your guard up, Bishop."

The few people you saw wouldn't make any eye contact with you. They were quick to identify you both as outsiders. It was inevitable, as you couldn't blend in to a crowd if the crowd was non-existent in the first place.

The next local that past you was an elderly man, he stopped at the sight of you and spoke," You lot aren't from around here, are you."

" No sir, just visiting. Actually, we're looking for a certain hotel in town," you show him a picture of the place on your phone and his eyes go wide.

" You're looking for trouble."

There's a small pocket of silence which Kate fills," Why would you say that?"

" Cause you're looking for him. He's the only one that stays at that inn. And we all know to steer clear of it."

The man tries to leave, but you stop him," What happened to this place?"

" He happened… started getting rid of people he had problems with. People who gave him trouble."

" What did he do to them?" Kate presses further.

The man looks between the two of you," He blew them up. One minute they were standing on their feet, the next their head would pop like a zit."

The imagery he created freaked you out more than you'd like to admit, "Thank you for letting us know."

He shook his head," If I were you ladies, I wouldn't go looking for trouble. Too pretty to be headless."

Those were his last words as he continued walking after that. Neither of you moved from that spot. Trying to process what he had told you.

Things had gotten extremely serious in your head. You had considered going back to the quinjet and telling Sam that you'd need back up for this mission.

However, you needed this mission to go better than any of the other missions you had been on with Kate. That was literally the reason why you were both here.

" Put these on," you passed Kate 2 ear plugs.

" Why?"

You sigh," If this guy doesn't have powers, then it's likely that he's using nanotech to get into people's heads. So we need to cover possible points of entry."

When you finally get to the building, it's a little ways from the actual town. You're on edge. Kate walks a little bit in front of you while you watch her back.

By the time you see the trip wire, it's too late. It's not the entire building that explodes, just a corner of it. A corner that was going to fall on Kate if you did not take action.

It felt like slow motion to you. You saw the building about to crumble on top of her, and you were quick to lock your arms around her and force her out of the way along with yourself.

Your breathing was heavy as you realized the girl in your arms could've died. Your front was pressed against her back, and you could feel her ragged breathing as well.

You didn't let go of her until a voice interrupted the tense moment.

" Hasn't anyone ever told you that trespassing is illegal," a man emerged from the intact part of the building, smiling sadistically at you two.

" Who are you and what do you want with this town?"

The man cackles," This town is insignificant to me. It's simply my playground where I can test my masterpieces."

" Then what is it that you want?"

" I'm going to blow up the world, literally. It almost feels trivial to call it a bomb, but my masterpiece will destroy everything. There will be nothing left of this world when I'm done with it."

You're scared, but you can't let him know that," What makes you think we'll let you do that?"

" You two? You won't be around to stop me."

You realize it a half a second too late as another explosion happens under your feet. You brace yourself as best you can to prepare for impact, but you feel a hand latch on to your arm.

With the strength you have left, you help her carry your weight and stop you from falling to your death.

" I just need 1 shot," you growl as you stand up.

Kate sees the look in your eyes. She has seen it before, and it never leads any more good for the person you're looking at.

" He has explosives, it could be dangerous," Kate stood with you.

" Kate, go call for backup and a bomb squad."

" I'm not le-"

" KATE GO," You yell at her with your eyes focused on the enemy.

Kate wanted to fight more, to argue with you again, to postpone this situation. Yet she knew you were making the right call, she had to trust you at this moment and she did.

She took off running. You saw the man reach for what you assumed to be an explosive detonator. It took less than a second for you to whip out your gun and shoot the device in his hand.

He screamed as the bullet grazed his hand, the debris from the device burning into the skin of his palm.

" The next shot will be through your head, if you don't call it quits now."

" I didn't want to get my hands dirty, but if I must," he approached you at his own speed.

It took everything in you not to charge at him. You knew he was baiting you. So you took a shot at the ground right by his feet.

" Well, you're smarter than you look, but not smart enough."

You felt yourself being restrained and forced to the ground. Whatever held you down had a tight grip on your skull. Its cold metal prongs were cold and sharp against your skull.

" Don't bother struggling against my invention. You'll never get up. I'll blow your mind, and then the brunette's."

The mention of Kate made you fight against the bot. It also made the mad scientist laugh.

" Aw, how pathetic. I'll tell her about this after you're gone. Now open" he violently grabbed your chin and shoved something in your mouth.

He slapped you across the face one last time before walking away from you," Any last words?"

You were shaking, sweating, and scared. For the first time in this interaction, you let your eyes water. This felt like the end.

You'd failed and it had cost you. The part that made the tears stream freely was the thought that you wouldn't be able to save Kate. She didn't deserve to die like this. You'd hope she stayed by the jet and waited for backup.

" Oh right, there's a bomb in your mouth. Silly me," you watched as he reached for the detonator. Time seemed like it had slowed down.

He flipped a few switches on the remote before getting ready to hit the button. You closed your eyes, waiting for it to be over. Yet your eyes shot open when you heard the man scream in agony.

There was an arrow through his hand. Then another came down and through his foot.

" I will shoot this shit through your head if you even think about grabbing that remote."

Your face was still against the gravel, but you knew who had just saved your life.

She walked toward him with her bow at the ready. She picked up the remote, and before she did anything else, she shot the robot that was pinning you to the ground.

The tight grip on your head was now loose and limp. You slowly began getting to your feet.

Kate handed you the detonator. You did the opposite of what you saw the man do and saw the green light on the device turn red. There was still some fear in your heart about removing the explosive from your mouth.

The man had a smug look on his face when he saw you struggle," Well I suppose if it's disarmed its harmless right? Maybe it's heat sensitive, maybe it's touch sensitive, who knows. The only way to find out is by removing it from your mouth."

" Shut the fuck up," Kate shot an arrow directly past his head, grazing his ear slightly.

" You're going to be ok. Just take it out and throw it as far as you can."

You looked at her and for the first time ever she saw genuine fear in your eyes.

" You have to trust me," the look in her eyes was something you could not debate.

You didn't hesitate, you dug into your mouth, removed the device and chucked it as far as you could. It didn't land anywhere, instead it exploded in the air. It wasn't significantly sized on the outside. However, you knew if had gone off in your mouth you would've died.

You walked up to the man and pressed the butt of the gun into his temple. There was nothing more you wanted to do than blow his head off. Your chest heaved up and down.

The man laughed," Kill me then. I dare you."

You cocked the gun and your finger rested on the trigger.

" Y/n don't," Kate tried to reason with you.

You couldn't look at her, you'd fold if you did," He deserves it, Kate. You should've heard the shit he was saying."

" That's not for us to decide, Y/n."

You began to shake," Why not?"

Then the scientist laughed again, and that sent you over the edge. You took a small step back and fired the gun.

The scream you let out was primal. It ripped through your throat. It hurt more than you could ever imagine.

The bullet had taken the man's ear. His screams were nothing compared to yours.

Kate hugged you from behind as your legs began to fail you. With her arms around you, she kept her bow and arrow raised at the man.

Sam was confused at the sight when the backup finally arrived. The scientist was cuffed and taken in as other special forces handled the damaged building.

When the scientist was gone, Kate dropped her bow, but her arms stayed around you. Sam began to approach the two of you, but Kate signaled him to stay back.

" Y/n, talk to me," her breath was a whisper against your ear.

" I'm sorry," you said, trying hurriedly to get to your feet.

You didn't get too far before Kate yanked you back into her embrace.

" You saved my life, there's nothing to be sorry about," she gave you a small smile.

" But I-"

Kate shook you a bit," You didn't kill him so, it doesn't matter. He was trying to blow your head off."

" You saved my life too."

Kate nodded slowly," I did, you saved me first though."

" I was terrified, Kate. When he said he was going to kill you, I- I never felt that helpless," you were causing yourself anxiety just speaking about the moment.

Kate didn't hesitate to rest her hand on the side of your face, forcing you to look at her," I'm right here, Y/n. A few scratches and a few bruises, but I'm ok. Without your reflexes or your decision-making skills, I don't know if I would be standing here right now."

" Kate," your eyes accidentally drop to her lips.

" Fuck it," Kate muttered before surging forward and placing her lips on yours.

You kissed her back and it felt right. It felt like Kate was your other half. There was no competition anymore; just you and Kate.

" Well, I see you got the teamwork all handled," Sam spoke, causing the two of you to separate.

" We almost died on this mission. Our teamwork was fine before. The trauma we have is-"

Kate had more to say, but Y/n grabbed her hand," We're good."

" But-"

" Everyone is safe, the bad guy is behind bars, and now we get to go home; together."

Kate huffed and dropped her shoulders," Fine, but we're dealing with this together then."

" There's no one I'd rather tackle my demons with," you couldn't help but sound cheesy.

" Good, because you're stuck with me now in more ways than just coworkers."

You smirked," I'd gladly be stuck with you any way you'd have me."

Sam cleared his throat with a smile on his face," Ok, you guys are free to go. I'll wrap it up here."

Your hand never left Kate's as you walked back to the jet. Nor did it leave when you both strapped in for the ride. It was at that moment that you decided that you'd do whatever was necessary to hold on to Kate.

[hellsite-yano]

Porky, I wanna know how you keep your head up high. I don't wanna share my sob story and general negativity, but it seems that I can get into really depressing spirals sometimes and then when I bring up concerns I have I get called a doomer. Aside from just not caring, how do you remain positive?

I've been stewing on this message for about a month cause I received it at a particularly low point. I know you said you don't wanna share your sob story so I hope you don't mind if I share a bit of mine.

Basically the landlord decided to sell the place I've been living in with my fiance for about 7 years. This was obviously devastating, especially for my fiancee who had to put 70% of her things into storage. After some initial friction between me and my family who were happy to have me back except my kinda neurotic brother, we're staying in their (very small) spare room.

The other issue is that my mum's bed-bound, which is fine, but she needs constant care so the flat is basically a revolving door of carers and district nurses and constantly seeing (and having to constantly let in) strangers is pretty awkward and tiring. I understand this is nobody's fault though, it's just a huge difference to the quiet home life I'm used to. Doesn't help that the building's next to a main road as well.

My auntie also pops in from time to time and while I'm grateful for everything she's done for my mum (basically uplifting her whole life for the past 5 years to constantly make trips to her) and me (buying us furniture and such when we were moving in), she very clearly has undiagnosed ADHD/OCD which, I gotta be real, makes her extremely difficult to be around. It's just one of those families where every little thing has to be a massive drama and it's tiring. The mum and auntie are also jehovah's witnesses but this comes up less often than you'd think, though it's still a point of contention sometimes.

As for how I remain positive, I've been thinking about this question a lot recently. I suppose I try to count the remaining positives. I'm not homeless, I'm still with my fiancee and cat, and I've finally got a decent full time job with a lot of good perks. I'll also be saving a ton of money because I'm paying a fraction of my previous rent (ideally I'd like to save for a deposit).

Another thing that helps is just setting attainable goals. Right now for me it's to hold down this job and endure the housing situation for the time being. I've got a pretty big tax bill coming up in the new year (long story) that I need to save for which is why I opted for my family instead of just renting again. That and renting prices are fucking atrocious right now and you could lose it at any time.

Anyway, that's the situation as it stands. I'm still in the middle of unpacking what little we could bring and the move was particularly stressful, which is why I haven't posted much over the last few days. Times are bad and I've cried a lot but I believe things will get better because I'm working towards it.

[reasonsforhope]

Let's get some good shit done: 9/26/23

In the name of encouraging each other, supporting each other, and reminding us all how many ways there are to help - how much each of us can make a difference -

Reply or comment (or add in the tags if you’d prefer) with something you did recently to help the environment, your community, or people who need it. Big or small.

<3

Here’s my version. It's been an unusually good couple weeks I think!

Got certified in CPR and first aid (this was to apply for some jobs but I'm still really glad I did it in general)

Started to once again actually honor my damn commitment to wearing masks in stores and the like (slipped over the summer unfortunately)

Researched soil rehabilitation to teach stuff to my mom

Got my mom to start raking dead leaves onto all the (many, many) bare patches in our backyard. Other steps to follow. Soon the yard is gonna be so much healthier! (I hope!)

Relatedly, stopped my mom from accidentally killing all her herb plants by leaving them somewhere with insufficient sun (nobody ever tell my mom I post about this shit lmao)

About to start applying for some care work jobs (cross your fingers for me)

Called my representatives to tell them not to vote for KOSA, on privacy/human rights reasons

Got "smudging ceremony" instructions cut from a business book by a white and non-Indigenous author, now replaced with smoke cleansing. If I'm very lucky my explanatory lil essay will get the author to make the switch in their own business as well

Actually I think I removed smudging from two different books in the past month? (I'm a book editor for context) So that's always good

Removed some ableist language from those books while I was at it. This kind of thing doesn't always come up, but it's always really nice when I get to actually help fix this stuff

Honestly, one of the things that makes me really heartened and feel hopeful about the future is the way I've seen things shift re: sensitivity edits. When I started working in publishing (less than 10 years ago!), I had to carefully count and ration all of my sensitivity comments/notes to make sure they were taken seriously and that none of my bosses or coworkers got pissed at me

Now, I literally advertise sensitivity edits as one of my specialties up front, I regularly get actively thanked and praised specifically for those notes, and I don't have to hold back at all (tho I do ofc still write them very politely)

We still have a ways to go, but there really has been so much of a change in attitudes on this front, writ large

Anyway, essay over - tell me about the cool things you all did!

[goatsandgangsters]

it depends on the country, but it's mostly between 20 and 30 vacation days in europe (by law, many companies offer more, like my country by law has "only" 20, but i've never worked a job where i had less than 25 in my contract) and since it's a law you have to take them and your job forces you to, since they can get in trouble if you don't (and we don't have sick days or have to use vacation days for illness either). the cheap flights are a thing, but they are supposed to be made a lot more expensive or downright banned, because of the environmental impact etc, but people won't switch to trains because those are a looot more expensive and you have to travel like 10x as long, and depending on the railway service in your country, they usually run like shit anyway. sorry, this is probably a really depressing ask, but i saw your tags and wanted to shed some light maybe one day the us will get better re labor rights :(

FASCINATING, thank you! It is helpful hearing how things operate Elsewhere

It really is one of those things where intellectually I know that other countries have more vacation time and that people in the US are less likely to use vacation time that they do have, but I never really... thought about it to quantify exactly what that looks like in practice

the "your job forces you to" made me go WHAT out loud. so do you...... okay so in a lot of jobs in the US, if you don't use your vacation time by [end of the calendar year/end of the fiscal year/one year from when you earned it/etc], you just... lose any time you didn't use. it just like goes away from your bank. your JOB can get in trouble if their employees aren't taking their vacation time? I love that, I wish companies would get smacked with a metaphorical stick if their workplace culture isn't encouraging time off

at my current job, I get 23 vacation days a year (I accrue 2 days a month, basically) which is the most generous of any job I've ever had and it makes the other Americans oooh and ahhhh at me enviously. I am an outlier who should NOT be counted. the standard for Corporate Desk Jobs is 10 days. but nothing is legally required so there are of course many people living life without paid time off, especially in other types of jobs. so that's where WE'RE at as a nation

(I did once have a job with "unlimited PTO" which some companies offer as a "perk," but in my experience it's usually done by shitty workplaces with no HR who just can't be bothered to track it. and psychologically it makes people take even less time off, because they don't have a strong sense for what's "allowed" and it feels more like asking for permission than using time that's Yours)

🤝 on trains being just as expensive/more expensive than flights for some foolish reason, when really we'd all be a lot happier with reliable affordable train travel

I want to bestow robust rail infrastructure at affordable prices, lots of labor laws, and many many vacations on everyone like a little Go Enjoy Life pixie. mAYBE ONE DAY

[bi-bard]

Jonathan Larson Songs That Describe a Relationship with Peter Parker - Peter Parker Imagine [The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)]

Title: Jonathan Larson Songs That Describe a Relationship with Peter Parker

Pairing: Peter Parker X Reader

Word Count: 2,930 words

Warning(s): Peter's commitment issues/past trauma, mention of potential break-up

Summary: Three songs by Jonathan Larson that would describe a relationship with Peter Parker [The Amazing Spider-Man (aka Andrew Garfield's Peter Parker)]

Author's Note: I am so fucking funny.

**Not intentionally written in chronological order**

--------------------

Johnny Can't Decide

Johnny has no guide Johnny wants to hide Can he make his mark, if he gives up his spark? Johnny can't decide

I had grown used to just finding Peter in my apartment.

At some point, I just started to expect it more than anything. Whether he used the key that I gave him or the window into my bedroom, it was normal for him to be there.

What wasn't normal was to find him looking through my computer.

"Peter," I said, furrowing my eyebrows. "What are you doing?"

"What's this," he asked, pointing at the screen.

I walked over but stopped when I could fully focus on the screen. My heart dropped as guilt washed over me.

"(Y/n)-"

"They're apartment listings," I answered.

"These aren't in New York," he pointed out. "You want to leave the city completely?"

"I... I've been looking at jobs," I shrugged. "I started looking at places to move if I get the offer."

"Why," he asked. "I thought you liked it here."

"I did," I replied. "For a long time. But these last few months... they've been pushing me to leave."

He turned in my chair fully. "When were you going to tell me?"

"I was hoping to tell you once I got an offer, but... I don't know if I would've."

"What?"

"I know that you wouldn't want to leave."

He scoffed. "You couldn't know that-"

"Peter, you love this city. You love being Spider-Man. I would never ask you to leave it. Spider-Man has been in your life a lot longer than I have."

"You didn't even ask me."

"So, you would leave? If I asked?"

Peter paused.

I saw the weight of the choice actually setting in.

He would be leaving the city that he loved. He would either have to give up being Spider-Man and face being accused of not caring about the city, start protecting a different city and still be faced with the same accusation, or find some way to kill Spider-Man without getting himself killed.

"I want to be with you, Peter. I love you," I said. "But I won't let this be some reason you resent me later. I won't do that."

"You're leaving," he asked. "No matter what?"

"I think so," I replied.

I never told him about the fear that sat in my stomach every night when he wasn't there.

Whether or not he was on the news for his actions, I knew that he was out there. He was dealing with threats that the city wasn't aware of most of the time. I would sit up and wait for him. When I'd hear the familiar thump on the fire escape outside or- on rare occasions- hear the door open, I'd lay down, slow my breathing, and pretend that I had fallen asleep hours ago.

Whether or not he ever believed my little act was a mystery.

And I wasn't just leaving because of that. It just made me less hesitant.

"I'll leave the choice to you," I explained. "You can think about it. Whatever you want is fine. But I am leaving. Your choice is just whether or not you're going with me."

He nodded. "Okay."

I walked forward and kissed his cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too," he muttered. "Do you... Do you want me to leave?"

"Up to you," I shrugged. "I won't be hurt if you don't want to stay here tonight."

"No, no, I want to," he said. "I want to be here."

"Okay," I smiled at him.

I know that he didn't fall asleep that night. Mostly because I didn't either.

I think we both pretended to in the hopes of comforting each other. As some silent sign that everything was okay. But it wasn't. We both knew that there was this impending end on the horizon. We knew that everything between us had shifted and was going to continue to shift.

Realistically, I couldn't imagine Peter choosing me over his work here. I knew that I was fighting a losing battle.

But I don't know if that made it easier or harder to cope with.

Another Day

The heart may freeze Or it can burn The pain will ease If I can learn There is no future There is no past I live this moment as my last

I never thought about how bad I could be at reading signals.

I hated making assumptions about people's feelings, but there were a few moments when I was certain that I was right.

Like now.

Peter and I had been friends for a while. We had grown close. I developed feelings for him far faster than I wanted to admit. It just felt so easy with him. He was funny and smart and sweet. He felt too perfect to exist, but I couldn't find the drive to search for some flaw in the image.

I should've. Maybe that would have helped me in the long run.

He had come over to my place after work one day. We had both been talking about this movie that we wanted to see and I had found it on DVD. It almost felt like fate pushing us into the same place.

I was coming back from grabbing the pizza that had been delivered to find that Peter had disappeared. I furrowed my eyebrows set the pizza down and looked around.

I found him standing in my small hallway, looking at the pictures that I had on my wall.

"Peter?" I said.

He looked over at me. "Sorry."

"Don't be," I shook my head as I walked over. "If I didn't want them to be looked at every once and a while, then I would've hidden them."

He chuckled. "They're nice... the pictures."

"Thanks," I grinned. "My mom sent me a whole bunch when I first moved out. Something about keeping me close to home in a way."

"She sounds nice."

She would have to be to listen to me talk about you as much as I do, I thought. "She is."

Peter just nodded.

"She actually had them already printed out," I chuckled. "Something about knowing that I wouldn't stick around."

"Always running?"

"No, no, just running here," I corrected. "I wanted to be in this city for as long as I can remember. I always had some semblance of what I wanted for my life. I just sometimes have trouble acting on what I want."

"I see," he replied, looking at me. "And what exactly is it that you want now?"

I paused for a moment. I had a thousand thoughts jumping around my mind, but all of them trailed back to him. It felt silly. Ridiculous.

But then, I looked back at him.

I couldn't explain it, but there was something. Something just behind his eyes that made me feel like my thousand thoughts weren't as ridiculous as I thought they were.

I slowly stepped closer to him. I hesitantly leaned closer to him, waiting for some sign to fill the gap or pull away and act like it never happened. I couldn't find either. I stopped, maintaining just a few inches between us.

"We shouldn't," Peter muttered. He didn't pull away. He just let the words hang in the small space between us.

"Why," I asked, also not moving. I had been craving this moment for too long for that.

He paused as if trying to make up some excuse that satisfied him as much as it did me. "Work."

"Work?" I chuckled a bit at the answer.

"People will talk," he explained. "And if we don't work out, it could get so much worse."

"I'm okay with that risk," I shrugged. He didn't respond. He didn't pull back or talk or anything. "Life is simply too short to spend all of our time worried about every single thing that could possibly go wrong."

I leaned forward, nose brushing his.

"I want this... with you. And if you want it too, then I see no reason for us to hide from it."

I saw something. In his eyes. There was something that he wanted to say. Something sitting on the very edge of his tongue that he couldn't force out. Something that would make the moment too scary or too real.

I just watched his eyes jump from my eyes to my lips.

"Peter," I muttered.

He hummed back.

I leaned in and closed the remaining distance. I wrapped my arms around him as he kissed me back.

It was a few moments. A matter of seconds before he pulled away again.

I furrowed my eyebrows are he stumbled back from me. "Peter?"

"I... I need to go. I need to leave. I'm sorry."

"What," I asked. "I thought... I thought that we were..."

"I'll see you at work tomorrow," he muttered.

"Can we please just talk about this, Peter-"

"No!" he snapped. "There's... There's nothing to talk about. I'm leaving."

"Peter, wait-"

"Bye."

The door slammed behind him as he walked out. I felt my heart drop when it did. I felt like I should have heard it based on how fast it fell.

I wanted to follow him but I just couldn't. I just had to stand there with this sudden realization that everything that I thought was wrong. Every feeling that I was convinced had been shared was wrong.

It was a scary thing to think about.

I took one huge risk and it backfired greatly.

And now, I had no way to fix what I had broken.

As far as I was concerned, I had just lost Peter forever.

Swimming

Out, don't think Out, out, let it out Keep the shoulder down, down Easy, not too hard Find the movement's origin

I hadn't always been used to seeing Peter sitting on my fire escape in his full Spider-Man gear.

In fact, the first night that it happened, I almost shit myself.

I hadn't known about Peter's true identity. It had been a matter of days since he had rejected me outside my door and run away. I didn't know why at the time. I was still hurt and just trying to accept it. I couldn't force him to change his mind or process his grief faster than he was.

I just had to accept that I had no control over the situation. The only thing that I had control over was whether or not I would wait for him.

I had decided not to. I knew how my mind worked. If I stayed in contact with him, then I would just be reminded of the hurt every day. I would never be able to move on.

So, I ignored him.

If he noticed or cared, then he did a very good job controlling himself. He never confronted me. I took that as a sign.

I had just gotten back from work, entirely exhausted both physically and emotionally. I threw some stuff onto the table before going to walk back to my room and get ready to shower.

I switched on my light and looked out the window, only to find something looking back at me.

It took me a moment to recognize it, but anyone who had been watching would know the Spider-Man mask when they saw it.

The figure picked up its hand and waved at me. Then, it motioned for me to open the window.

I slowly reached over and grabbed the letter opener that my dad had insisted I own. I had no proof that this was the real Spider-Man and not some psycho in a fake suit. I would've been convinced by the mere presence on my fire escape, but if it was someone from my building, they could probably find a way there.

To put it simply, there were too many risks.

I walked over to the window and paused when I got there.

The figure motioned for me to open the window.

I paused for a moment before leaning forward and letting out a puff of air so the window fogged up a bit. I did my best to write 'Why?' backward.

The figure seemed to laugh and shake its head at me. I thumped the window as a way to tell it off.

After holding its hands up for a moment, it looked around and moved to pull its mask off.

I was met with Peter's face. My eyes went wide as I scrambled to push the window open.

"Lead with that," I scolded him.

"Sorry," he replied. "Can I come in?"

I moved so he could climb inside. I pulled the window shut again and locked it. It was strange to turn around and see Spider-Man standing in the middle of my room. Weirder when it felt like it was just Peter's head on Spider-Man's body.

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

"Just don't sneak onto my fire escape-"

"It's not about the fire escape," he cut me off. "I meant about everything. Pushing you away and lying to you. You deserved answers and I was too much of a coward to actually offer those to you."

I took a moment to collect my thoughts. "This is your explanation for rejecting me... being Spider-Man?"

"Well, there's a bit more to it than that."

"How am I supposed to believe the initial information?"

Peter sighed before sticking out his arm. I jumped as something shot right by my head and stuck to the wall behind me.

I looked at it for a moment before reaching out to touch it. I cringed a bit at the texture and shoot my hand back. "Gross."

"It's not meant to be pleasant," he replied, dropping his arm.

"Okay... what's the rest of your reason?"

"Gwen," he explained. "We were together for a while. She knew about... this. She was trying to help and then... I couldn't save her. I tried. I did. But she fell and I didn't catch her in time and she... she died in my arms."

I felt sick to my stomach. I felt like I was forcing him to tell me all of this. It was wrong of me to demand information that he didn't seem ready to tell me. I was going to stop him, but he didn't let me get a word in.

"I pulled away from everything for a while," he continued. "I... I stopped pulling my punches. I just... It felt like I just went dark. For a long time. And then... I met you. It felt like I was returning to normal.

"When we kissed... I just... I thought of every single way that I could get you hurt."

I took a deep breath. "Then why come back here? Why tell me this?"

"You were avoiding me and I was scared and- and confused and... all I wanted was for us to be okay but I didn't know how to fix it. I- I only knew that it was my fault. And then, I was out tonight, working, and I couldn't think of anything but you. You and how I messed things up and how badly I needed to talk to you. I was just constantly reminded of you."

I didn't have a response. There wasn't one that would explain my thoughts or say something that I hadn't already said or feel like I wasn't being disrespectful about everything that he had just told me.

Peter stepped forward, slowly reaching out to cup the sides of my face. His thumb traced my cheek as his eyes jumped around my face.

"I... I want you. I want to be with you," he muttered. "I just knew that I couldn't admit that without being completely honest with you about everything."

I didn't feel physically able to respond until I felt his hands pulling away. I frantically reached up to hold them in place. I stepped even closer to him.

"Kiss me," I murmured. He didn't react for a moment. "I... I'm willing to deal with all of this... with anything that comes with this. I just need to know that-"

I was cut off by Peter leaning forward and pressing his lips to mine. I slowly kissed him back, my hands moving to his sides. I felt a smile creeping onto my lips as the kiss continued.

Peter pulled back first.

"I'm sorry," he said. "For everything."

"I forgive you," I mumbled. "I promise."

He slowly smiled back at me.

I leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek, hearing a heavy sigh escape him as his shoulders finally dropped and his muscles relaxed. I leaned back again, feeling his hands move down to my sides.

There was a small pause.

"Can I start with the dumb questions now," I asked quietly.

"Sure," he chuckled, nodding at me.

"The webs... where... where are they coming from?"

He tilted his head back for a moment as he laughed. "That's what you want to know?"

I nodded.

"You could ask any question that you want... and you ask that?"

"It's a very good question."

He nodded. "You're right."

"Are you gonna answer it?"

"In a minute..."

I furrowed my eyebrows at him. Another chuckle escaped him before he leaned forward and kissed me again. Once I realized why he was avoiding my question, my eyes fluttered shut.

And with each passing second, I could see myself accepting every ounce of danger that could possibly come after this moment.

All of it was worth it as long as I got to be with him.

--------------------

Author's Note: Not gonna lie, "Swimming" feels like it's the story that follows what was actually inspired by the song.

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[footnoteinhistory]

Could one fucking thing go right this year lmao

Can I vent for a second. I wanted this year to be good and then it was a really shitty winter with 10 years since Phil died which was obviously expected but hard. I miss him. I had a strange falling out with a guy and it is still weird. My grandfather died and a few weeks later my other grandfather figure died. Hersh is still being held hostage, I hope he is alive. My dad got sick, injured, then sick again in rapid succession which was several months of stress. My parents are aging. I'm sure there will be more and more fights about politics this fall, we had a bad one last night. My aunt has cancer and my grandma's cancer is back. My chronic stomach illness flared up. I'm not sure I'm very good at my job. Three family friends have died by suicide this year. My depression is less ebbing and more flowing than it's been in recent years

I hurt my leg in the spring and have not been able to run consistently or comfortably since then as I count down the days to my marathon, which I am likely going to defer to next year. All I wanted from this year was to run this gddamn fucking marathon. I thought I'd pull myself across broken glass to reach the finish line if I had to but this is just not how I want to do it. I want to train right. I can't even walk without pain right now. It's not the worst thing in the world if I defer but fuck. It's embarrassing and upsetting. And it's not fucking fair.

And I still don't know what's wrong with my leg. The X-ray was clean but it still hurts. Did you know cervical cancer can cause leg pain? At my lowest moments I've convinced myself that's what's wrong and I'm going to die but my anxiety is so bad and my insurance so stupid I am having a hard time going to the doctor again to ease my mind. But I am probably fine, probably

And you know what fucking sucks running isn't about marathons to me. That is my major goal, it has been for several years. But I like running because I just love running. I love how it feels, how it makes my body and mind feel better, hours to myself, outside, safe in my own head. It's one of the only things that makes me feel okay being me. Everything has been so shitty this year and I can't run it off, it's been horrible. I can't even fucking bike, which I dislike but at least burns some stress off. The pain and the weight gain and the anxiety is awful and suffocating. My anxiety has been paralyzing lately, almost as bad as in college

And now for the past several weeks I've had fucking bees in the walls of my room. I work from home. Non-stop incessant buzzing every hour of the day it is driving me out of my fucking mind. Imagine your whole world is being held together with duct tape and now insects are pounding at your head from the moment you wake up to the moment you fall sleep. I'm about to fucking lose it. And my brother is sick. And my closest cousin is getting an MRI tomorrow and we're scared, I'm stressed and afraid for her. I love her so much. I'm so afraid the people I love are going to die. I worry about her and Winona and John and my friends. I don't want any of you to die

I'm so fucking tired. I wanted one thing this year and that's probably not happening and I feel like I've wasted all this time, like I'm letting people down, disappointing myself, doing nothing. I just want to catch a fucking break. Holyyyy shit