#but if this IS the case i would expect her to remember and maybe sympathize with coin

[skayafair]

The brainworms be brainworming

Note: I want to chat about junoverse! Hit me up if you do too!

It's funny how I expected to ship the hell out of the main pairing just to end up utterly inenterested :D

It's amusing and gives Juno a good character developement, but mostly it's just corroding. Also by all accounts Nureyev should have been the type of character who is usually interesting to me, but mostly I couldn't care less and was slightly annoyed in s5 (made sense tho, so not complaining). And I don't understand why he kept showing up in Juno's life and even offered to run away together just to do his worst to try and disappear for good when things started looking up and settling for them, the whole Dark Matters ordeal notwithstanding. Did he try to shake Juno off because he became scared that his feelings got too real for comfort and he couldn't just "file them away" anymore? Would he have abandoned Juno on some faraway planet if Juno didn't change his mind and actually went with him?

Maybe my attitude was partly why I was so delighted by the ending, except for the fact that it simply made the most sense and the stories rarely go this route in order not to upset the fanbase. Personally I'd have said Nureyev to get lost after the 2nd disappearance but luckily for Peter Juno has a different approach. And their relationship might have not gotten through to me, but I really liked how it was developed: I'm on aroace spectrum and "love from the first sight" sounds ridiculous to me. Attraction, I can believe in, love - nah, this thing's built over time and looots of effort. And that's what they've been doing over the seasons - building it. Juno's resolution - "if you can do this, we'll be together, someday in future, if you can't - I guess we just aren't compatible", his acceptance of the fact made me very glad to hear had to undergo a similar realization in the past. Do I need to say that to me the person behind that door in the last seconds of the episode was NOT Nureyev. Too early.

On a different note, what I wasn't satisfied with was Sasha's plotline. It feels unfinished. I kept expecting it to get its resolution as well, to make me sympathize with her (not justify her actions tho), and I guess Nightmare was supposed to be it, but she just confused me instead. I still don't understand what exactly this whole case meant. Why did she look exactly like young Sasha to Juno but like Juno - to Mick?

I mean... the way Sasha was erasing herself from existance just for Agent W to be the only one left, and with how often neometh was mentioned - and the super-drug they pumped Jet with? - I thought Slip would come into the picture too somehow. It seemed like there was a joint overarching plot for these two lines, but they ended up completely unrelated. And Juno said he needed to reflect on Sasha and understand her even after they shook the DM off of their tail, but I don't think this was developed? Idk. And what with all the hints of "you don't know what I've been through" from Sasha? Did I miss the elaboration? It just feels like her plot line was planned but scrapped at some point.

I've started to listen again since ep 1 and realized I don't enjoy the podcast as much as the 1st time until the Aurinkos come into the picture. All the previous episodes were good, don't get me wrong, - just not as interesting to me personally. So after a few episodes I skipped right to the middle of season 2 and wow. I didn't realize Jet to be THIS hilarious the first time! Now the actual fun begins <3

And since I've already started - Juno was very funny and sooo coherent back in the desert. "Leave me be! I'll die but at least I'll do this by my own will!.. oh shit this guy looks scary and like he'll kill me if I don't shut up right now, ok fine". Aw <3

I think this is the first time when I can actually remember how unreliable and overdramatic our narrator is, take his descriptions of any situations with a grain of salt and not even be annoyed at this :D

[cecilianbm]

flashback; a good witch and a bad bitch

@celestinexnbm​

Minsoo had never been a big fan of the isekai genre. It always seemed to follow the same lines and tropes. The leading men were often insufferable and she often found herself with a serious case of second lead syndrome. The leading women were often too dense for their own good. It made her wonder if the authors had ever even spoken to a woman before.

However, now that Minsoo was in the same situation, she realized she had been harsh on those girls. She had woken up disoriented and had still not found her footing. Every moment threw her off balance. 

Cecilia had led a life before her. She had hopes and dreams. Friends, sorta. People knew her habits and had expectations of her. Now, they had Minsoo. Though Minsoo had always sympathized with Cecilia, the character was a secondary villain at best. Little was mentioned about her, so, even if Minsoo remembered the entire book, she wouldn’t have much more to go on.

Because of Cecilia’s previous behavior, everyone was wary of Minsoo. They seemed to think the illness had caused brain damage. Some thought the amnesia was something she was just doing for attention. Minsoo didn’t understand who would so such a thing. Still, she had a feeling she needed to start “remembering” things soon.

Of course, there was a bigger issue at the moment. Cecilia was a powerful witch, even if she never lived up to Feya or Celestine’s abilities. But, Minsoo had exactly none of her training. So, after nearly setting their library on fire again she had asked the Good Witch to begin her training again. Now, she just had to apologize for nearly burning her hair off. “I’m sorry. I swear, I’ll get the hang of this.” She thought for a moment. “Maybe I should try to light something smaller. Like the candle instead.” 

[katerinaaqu]

Awww girl 🫂🫂❤️ I am so happy you liked it! You are so sweet as always! It's okay I was partially expecting that it wouldn't get much attention. It still hurt a bit of course but it's okay. I ain't writing very positively about the musical and all so yeah and not even one of the famous creators anyways hehe no problem 😊 aww ✨️ thanks dear!

Hehe yeah poor guy! 😅 I remembered how you brilliantly said he would start with a very nasty hangover hahaha 😆 I just had to add that! The guy practically consumed a crater of wine by himself hahaha he should be having a nasty wake up call! Hahaha yeah the walls strike again. Oh my you are right or a prison!

Yeah because in Greece drunkenness was severely discouraged so yeah feeling guilty that he got drunk in front of these women plus yeah the opening up. Oh yeah and even if he can grasp it he tries to make excuses in his head because she was his savior and all. Oh yeah for sure Odysseus is too clever even under his fear or spells he would still think that it was very convenient they had a cure for hangover ready.

Oh my your imagination puts me to shame dear! 🫠 originally I wondered whether it would simply be a different medication that just works on stomach but man it could be so that they can handle him more! Oh gosh yeah even if he suspects her flirting he has no clue yet how BADLY she wants to be sleeping with him now!

Hahahaha she is a reverse Dilla isn't she? Hahaha Dilla has medicine ready to help Caleb but Calypso first causes the problem and then she brings the solution hahaha 😆 😂 oh yeah even if it was just his fear for Gods speaking louder it could also be her spell making him more susceptible but he definitely catches up more and more and even if his instict tingles on her motivations he still does not want to put two and two together. Hahahahahaha it is perfect isn't it? 😂😂😂

Yeah I was inspired by many abuse victims who make up excuses on the behavior of their abuser whether the abuser didn't know or that they themselves deserve it. In his case is a bit the first. She saved him and helped him so she shouldn't wish him bad right? But yeah just excuses indeed plus his fear jndeed that he has insulted enough gods already. Oh man for sure Calypso uses that to her advantage as she did the night prior. And yeah Circe was a powerful goddess who could crush him but she seemed more considering plus he had his men back then. Now he is alone and Calypso seems to be raising red flag after red flag in his head now.

Hahahaha always! Oh man you are so amazing in your analysis! Indeed she might as well wish to manipulate him into believing he is in a safe place but man yeah Odysseus gets more and more suspicious of this being all a stage or too set up. But yes she is his savior so he tries to indeed convince himself that his worries are misplaced that he is just being paranoid.

Hahahahahaha oh gosh maybe? 🤣 like the poor guy lying down and not getting up hahaha oh man girl! Maybe indeed how they rush to his assistance can be potentially how he loses his freedom of movement and his autonomy! Oh man she is getting all the more creepy isn't she? Hahaha oh gosh then I am succeeding hahaha my plan was to give an explanation as to why she does what she does and maybe give her the human dimension but she is still obviously a manipulator and abuser.

Yup. Some of the worse abuses come from genuine emotions. Which is basically what happens here. She loves and desires him but she disregards his choices and she is not willing to let him go. Hahahaha the "simpleton" part was also in homeric poems hahaha basically he described Odysseus as someone who seems like having no idea what is happening like having an aloof look but then he starts speaking and eveeyone can tell his true intelligence. 😆 but yeah she basically gets too charmed but she disregards him and doesn't respect his choices. And yeah although someone can sympathize with the unrequited love her methods are definitely unacceptable especially indeed as she starts caring less and less about his consent

Hahaha yeah. Not jumping on him was a good idea not because it would be a clear violation but because he would remember and resent her!

Oh man "opening the shell by force" is so accurate! Hahaha creeps rising

Yeah at this point is where Odysseus thinks she tries a bit TOO MUCH to show him that she cares to the point of being suffocating. Yeah in her mind is the necessary evil so that he would get things off his chest but yes to Odysseus is a clear violation to his free will.. oh man yeah Odysseus tensing again and yes her lust speaking again.

Yes I thought it would fit. In a way that is one of the "decent" conversations she has. In a way returns the favor of him opening up with her opening up in return but yes at this point she might as well also use it to drive the conversation to the emotional manipulation of her wanting him to stay with her. In a way bringing him to the point of feeling sorry that she is lonely so that he would be coersed to stay. But you are absolutely right. She is surrounded by yes men (women) and people who grant her all her wishes. That is not proper company for sure and there is a tragedy to that which I wanted to portray here. However yes it also made her feel that she is not entitled to someone saying no to her and that no is unacceptable to her now. In a way Odysseus is a gift sent to her someone she loved and someone beyond her control but yes her actions are definitely inexcusable. I am so glad you feel so!

Oh man I couldn't have said it better! 😶 oh yeah for a few seconds it almost felt like her emotional trick would work but yes Odysseus becomes all the more aware and these games confuse him. Yeah I fathomed all gods have this kind of arrogance here since they are immortal and all.

Absolutely. He has this gorgeous woman (an immortal goddess no less) that could have anyone she wanted showing such an interest in him. Who wouldn't be flattered? Especially indeed as Odysseus is no longer young and all but yes all the more now especially now that he is back in full health he realizes more and more that he has to leave.

Hahahahaha yeah 🤣 hypocrisy 101 here hahaha 😆. Yup basically she says the reason he has to return is pitiful and unimportant and to put it on top she reminds him in a way that he was disliked by many and uses his friends and comrades who betrayed him as the sole proof of that.

Oh man yeah here it is! 😶 Calypso begins full attack now banging him relentlessly with things that she knows happened to him but she brings them before him to make him see her point of view. And yes she wants to show their betrayal as simply evil act while indeed it was much more complicated than that. Oh man she does seem like she kept that information just in case she needed to use it doesn't it? And yeah she knows but she treats it as the last solution to make him "see the truth" while in reality it is far from it. 😢

Oh man thanks dear 🙏 and man so true! And yeah Odysseus can understand because he had suffered with them. He also had no food on the island and he also started to fear for their safety. He was part of it. Ans man for real the cows being there was absolutely brutal for their psychology!

Yeah again I used the idea that Polites was his best friend so he would still defend him and wishing to see things from his perspective as much as possible even if he too has some doubts. Yeah anyone can be unfair in rage and frustration and yes to be fair Eurylochus had more than just his share of experiences but yes he doesn't bear the same responsibility as Odysseus and he cannot fully comprehend the depth of his weight but still he does suffer that's for sure. Oh my the very least indeed! And man that's also true. Is one thing hearing the future and afraid and try to prevent it but the past he can do nothing about and the loss is still recent too and yes he knows the terrible things that happen next...

Aww thank you so much dear! 💓 that's indeed what I tried to portray here! And yes he also feels the injustice to what he had to suffer as a result but yes coming back to blaming himself as well and man it is a battle isn't it? But yes he also recognizes the trauma of his comrades because quite frankly he had been through it too.

Gosh thanks dear! That moment in the Odyssey was insane indeed so I wanted to do it justice so yeah man so many emotions of tension there because only Odysseus knew what was coming...no one else. Oh yeah that moment was insane indeed how the men were looking at charybdis but they had no idea!

Man right?! 😨 and man yeah he hoped till the last moment he wouldn't hear the sound of the beast waking but alas...and man for real Polites speaking of it just stabs him in the heart and yeah that was why I made him remember his own trauma; astyanax who died so violently and man yeah he tried even the last second to warn everyone to get down but yeah too late!

Aww that means a lot coming from a horror film fan dear! And as we discussed I imagined the mouths opening sideways instead but it was a momentary inspiration hehehe 😉 man the description in the Odyssey was just the most brutal stuff indeed! 😨 and man yeah imagine seeing or hearing that...

Man yeah the tension and silence you could cut it with a knife and of course Odysseus knew he had made the decision to sacrifice them for the sakes of the majority but man...judging by how he describes that moment when he tells his story I imagine indeed that it was something that scarred him but yeah I imagined Eurylochus being beyond himself at that moment and yeah I imagined he would be totally resentful and thanks 😊 you are so sweet! Indeed on one hand Odysseus hid it from them so they are furious but then again what could he say indeed? How could he say "6 of us are going to die"? Make them look around and hope it wouldn't be them to die?

Oh man who wouldn't indeed? Oh man you are so right! Now he feels as if his death is always close and that indeed pushes him to the "ill be damned if I die here" mode! Oh man it was the absolutely wrong thing to say wasn't it? But yup you got it! I WAS referencing to my other story "Guilt" in a way reflecting also the emotion of guilt he feels here and yes he puts the Visage of the harsh leader indeed because if he can no longer make his authority be heard he must indeed impose it to bring them all home so they will not be divided but yes it breaks him inside much more now that he lost them all! 😢

Awww right?! Breaking down completely 😭😭 and man yeah she feels like she achieved her purpose to make him resent them...and man so true it is indeed a parallel again isn't it? But man so true that is the difference indeed

Yeah I imagined she would bring it up at least one more time so I imagined that would be the first time and aww thanks! I mean Odysseus now literally KNOWS the horrors of the underworld! He has seen it! Which makes his decision to refuse Calypso even more admirable in my mind! Oh man right? He got his eyes back to his goal!

Hahahaha thanks 🤣👌 and man so true now he uses that very same eagerness he has to go back home against him! And yes I thought to add here the Agamemnon perspective too!

Yeah and yes it is it is freaking long especially indeed for duties of royals but man! Yeah she just says "literally no one waits so long" which as it was proven was not true and man so true again!

Man once again so right girl! ✅️ and man yeah that moment where she says not even he would wait is probably one of the first bells ringing in his brain how she will imply what she wants of him as well and yeah the special bed that is literally rooted in his homeland man that is too much to bear indeed but his mind is now haunted by doubt indeed! What Calypso said is perfectly logical...and yet it kills him! He doesn't want to accept it!

Oh man yeah his fighting spirit is back and even in the worst case scenario he is ready for his "just do it" attitude and that drives her crazy. Oh man true hahaha Assara material indeed! Oh boy! 😶

Yup and to be fair from a God perspective much more a helplessly in love one that is absolutely frustrating! Yeah I wanted to signify how she stopped using flirting or indirect ways and now she is ready for the next stage! How indeed she is ready to act according to her feelings in a demanding way.

Oh man once more on spot! He is alert awake and with his guard up but he still believes that if she helped him once she would again! 😢 and man so true now she is like a little girl that denies him stuff because indeed she doesn't want to "return the toy"

Man yeah I thought she would twist the laws of hospitality because indeed he didn't seek her hospitality originally but was washed out at her home beaten up and half-dead. She decided to help and now she holds it against him because indeed she knows he has nothing. And man yeah the guy didn't have even time to comprehend! And yeah now the true depth is seen before him! And now he can only panic because he knows he is trapped!

Oh man exactly like "you did it before so what's your problem now?" And man thinking of it is indeed so unfair and frustrating and even more tragically in theory he wouldn't be doing something out of the ordinary if he had lovers since it was frequent back then but for him who is in love with his wife man that strikes so deep!

Man for real bacause even in the Odyssey with him crying every day Calypso was like "aww you gods are jealous of our love!" Like...dude... ans Odysseus just suffers...

Man I should imagine he would indeed! Man! And the begging ritual is another sacred move how a person falls down and hugs the knees of the benefactor and the benefactor generally is not allowed to refuse anything. Odysseus did that with Circe among others. Even gods do it when Thetis begged Zeus to grant her son's wish among others. Man she reminds him of the hubris committed that brought him there and yes she uses the last thing he has; his faith against him! Hehehe bingo I used several phrases that nowadays are more associated with this musical hehe like "I'm just a man" or "monster" etc because I feel they would so fit for this context! I am a bit petty myself but man poor guy indeed! He is just mentally exhausted! And yes how many times he felt his own will or honor were disregarded!

Yeah I think that would strike deeper than anything! And now indeed he breaks completely feeling that trust is basically something nonexistent. He was distrustful before but now he just doesn't trust his own shadow anymore.

Yeah it is here! 😢 oh man thanks dear that was exactly what i wanted here! Their total contrast! She is in anticipation but he is practically dying there...he doesn't want to feel...

Yeah he doesn't even want to do it ans man for real but calypso doesn't allow him to breathe...and yes but now is infinitely worse because he feels it. And yeah he tries to avoid some parts but she won't let him and man yeah some acts of passion now became toxic and he tries to encourage himself to endure it 😭

Man for real! His own body reacting is probably the worst than anything and yeah he tries to stop himself from making any sound at all while yeah trying more and more to save himself from breaking

Oh man yeah or that indeed she js the best choice for him and all he needs is to see it while he is just dying inside...

Yeah in a way he had "consented" with Circe because he had to but here is just totally different and man yeah now the act that was supposed to be passionate and delightful is now distorted and the memories he made of her are being destroyed man I know right?! The pressure! I was inspired by that scene in the Tudors but yeah just twisted

Oh gosh for real! Finally is over but it is over means that his body again reacted to it and man I couldn't resist that phrase from her! She just refuses to acknowledge his pain.

Man exactly! And yeah Odysseus is just destroyed at that point! And man he held onto that hope till the last possible moment! Only go be crushed 😭😭😭 Nope she just doesn't listen. In her mind she is better option and for all she is concerned she is right and his family has moved on...and yeah she truly is sincere with it...and man such a great parallel! Oh man yeah mocking his honor which he feels he has just trampled is just too much...

Man I dunno why I just needed to add that there!and yeah seems so easy and yet so impossible! And man I just thought it would make sense! He tries to leave but he is prisoner now...no escape... yeah he is denied everything at this point...

Oh man it is isn't it? And exactly like ye is a disobedient child when he is literally in despair and yeah fearing for his home and family all day! And yeah the first out of countless times he cries in that beach and yeah he is just forgotten and abandoned there...no escape and no comfort! And remembering his mourning as well

Awww thank you so much dear! Yeah he lost them all...only Elpinor got a proper funeral for that matter... (hehe you know me i couldn't resist adding that hehe). Aww yeah thanks dear! Somehow I thought he would use just a sharp object he would find. Ans yes he can only form that tribute to them.

Yeah they just contrast each other ans man yeah imagine he comes in in that statw and she just thinks they will fix their rough start! Oh man you are so right 😭😭😭😭 it so fits here! For both of them! Oh man yeah the duty feeling just reached zenith!

Awww dear I am so happy you think so! And I hope I will do some tiny justice to those old stories! Man that music was so eerie I just had to use it! And aww I am so glad you think so! Poor guy!

Awww 🫂 you are so sweet but for real I wanted to show that! And man you are right! He is there already double the time and still not even close at finished! Man he absolutely is 😭😭😭 and man he is beiig abused constantly no wonder indeed! Gosh indeed she is no better than those monsters to him now! Yeah he is now feeling like shame plays no role in him anymore. He is just numb like a doll... man yeah many abusers accidentally cause injuries and apologize later but man indeed it doesn't change anything and they DO happen again as well! 😢 yup. Completely ignored.

Oh man in a way indeed 😢 and man like a pet indeed! Yes I wanted it to be yet another reason. Oh boy yeah at this point is no longer just a sweet desire it is something that eats him up day by day and exactly what he does to survive just doesn't seem to end anymore. Oh man for real! One can only imagine! Ans even just her behavior towards him makes him feel almost that "this is how it is with people" and that doubt is eating him up

Man and it makes sense that 15 years is enough to call anyone officially dead yet alone this! And man he surely lost so much...and so much more is to come! 😭😭😭 ans man I would assume it would! Poor guy just realizes more and more his fleeting youth. I bet he even fears he would die there of old age or longing...

Yeah....😢 yup exactly I wanted to connect that to Polyphemus as well as his experiences after as a beggar to Scheria and even his own palace in Ithaca. Oh man for real!

I know right?! The last thing he has, his faith is also now crumbling because he feels abandoned. And even unpleasant things like nightmares that at least were "his" are now taken from him and yeah him actually cursing Athena the goddess he adored most of all was just the switch to realize his own downfall! And trying desperately not to fall so much!

Man yeah he just wants to see this place burn! Ans aww exactly that's what I wanted to show! Man he is so ready for it! And yeah and he wasn't even the goodie guy to begin with but I wanted to show how he is now totally thirsting for blood and revenge...and yeah now he is like "I am screwed anyway. Just one more won't screw me worse!"

Oh man yeah it is totally a different league! 😭 man right?! That is so what I imagined on them! The absolute contrast! 💯

Yeah he just shuts down oh man "cold curtain close" girl you are a genius!

Oh gosh girl 🫂❤️✨️ you are so kind! 😍 and it is so sad that this is considered "controversal" since abuse is abuse no matter what the victim or the perpetrator but aww 😊✨️🫂 thanks you so much! Gosh 😭 it is always a delight to read your comments and reviews!

✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️❤️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

Survivor's Guilt and Survior's Duty (P3 + After Note)

Continuation from Part 2:

Swift fingers were moving constantly through golden thread, mixing the different shades perfectly. The hands were moving to and fro as the humming of the sweet song kept on interrupting the rhythmical sound of wood against wood as the tapestry was slowly gaining shape in the loom. It was the skillful fingers of an ancient being beautiful like spring and deadly like winter that was weaving this. Somewhere among the sea of gold and crimson there was a pair of threads that didn’t match in color or texture.

One jet black

And one silver white…

*

Odysseus slowly opened his bruised eyes and he wished he hadn’t. He barely opened them a tiny bit and he shut them closed once more as his sight was mercilessly attacked by the brightness of the white grotto. His stomach was turning and he felt like throwing up everything he ever had eaten in his life and his head was turning around as if someone was spinning him at a whirlpool. He moaned holding his head with both hands, slowly rolling to the side. The headache and dizziness were pounding him relentlessly.

“Gods…my head…” he thought hoping the nausea would leave him alone

The events of the night before were also present in his mind and the embarrassment didn’t help his condition at all. He had drunk himself to the point of oblivion that much he knew. Normally he should know his limitations but he was unable to refuse the goddess who was filling his cup. Once he dared to look around (and of course seeing everything moving around him) he spotted a goblet next to the bed containing a bubbling liquid. Odysseus eyed him more suspiciously than what he would originally have wished to.

“Well…that was awfully organized…” he thought again

Either way downing the drink seemed to help a lot with his unsettled stomach although not spectacularly with his dizziness. The first thing he noticed was that Calypso was not working in her usual spot. That’s odd, he thought, but then he fathomed she wouldn’t sit around and sleep or work by the side of a severely drunk human especially given the whatever the heck would turn out to look like the day after! He moaned once more as he forced himself, excruciatingly slowly to sit up on the bed and place his feet on the floor.

“Gods…never again…” he mumbled holding another gag back.

But it was true that Calypso’s potion was working wonders although he needed at least a couple of more minutes to stand up and start practically staggering until he reached a wall to support himself and walk out, possibly hoping some fresh air would do him good. As he walked down the grotto to his best abilities he surely was wondering how the hell he managed to get so drunk even with the goddess practically encouraging him. He should know better than that. Stopping at a sudden wave of dizziness he sighed and wiped some sweat off his face.

“Alright, Odysseus…no more wine for you…” he mumbled to himself, “…you clearly are not mature enough…”

Beneath his layers of self-sarcasm, though, he did feel like he had embarrassed himself before the goddess. Not only had he drunk himself to stupor; true it was Calypso the one to keep serving him but perhaps she didn’t know the human limitations to drinking. Perhaps she overestimated his tolerance or perhaps… (Odysseus always had one random ominous thought to the back of his head but he always chose to dismiss it, especially now that he needed all help he could get from some god given that he already had half the pantheon chasing after him!), but he also cried like a baby, opening up things he never wished to share in the first place, yet alone in front of an immortal goddess and her immortal nymph entourage. His situation was already bad enough; he was a beggar without anything to offer to the goddess; he didn’t need to be seen as an uncontrollable drunk as well. And this goddess somehow gave a different energy than Circe (and by gods wasn’t that experience scary enough).

He found Calypso lazily laying upon her sofa as her maids were attending the room. His heart was clenched by an unpleasant feeling once more but he dismissed it as his natural aversion towards the fear against the divine. Not to mention he was still feeling ashamed as he couldn’t be more. Calypso sensed his presence and smiled almost maternally at him.

“Good morning, Odysseus” her melodic voice reached his ears. “I am glad to see you up”

“That is a way to put it, goddess…” Odysseus mumbled as he was practically assisted by the maids to sit on the couch opposite her

His dizziness was still awful but he felt better already.

“My throat is dry…” he admitted, “Could I perhaps…have some water?”

Calypso smirked.

“Bring him some water” she ordered

As the cup was given to Odysseus he basically drained it, feeling the cool liquid settling down.

“Blessed you be, goddess…” he whispered again, “And thank you for your treatment. It worked wonders”

“I am glad” Calypso said with her usual feline smile. “I would hate to see you struggle with nausea”

Odysseus drew a deep breath to calm himself a bit. Calypso once more observed him and her heart was flattering. She discreetly tasted her lips imagining that chest moving up and down with his breathing. She looked upon that man that was now monopolizing her dreams and fantasies stand there in the light; his hair appearing almost auburn as sunlight was showering them. He was looking at her and if she hadn’t noticed his eyes shining with intelligence and wisdom she would have sworn he was a simpleton till he would start to speak. Odysseus was a man full of contradictions; darkness and light, quick wits and aloof thinking, braveness and fear…strength and weakness…

“Goddess…I…” he started, “In regards to the events of last night…forgive me I shouldn’t have broken down like this…”

Calypso congratulated herself deep inside for holding herself back.  She was right and indeed Odysseus could remember everything clearly from the night before. It would have ruined everything if she had advanced onto Odysseus while he was vulnerable.

“Why not?” Calypso asked airily. “I am glad you decided to open up with me. I am just sad you had to get drunk you let yourself go and trust me”

Odysseus winced at the reminder. Yeah, that was the last thing he needed to be reminded of… As if reading his thoughts, Calypso spoke again;

“Don’t worry too much, darling. I myself actually drank more than what I intended, last night,” the half-lie came easy to her lips, “You are a very pleasant company, Odysseus. One can forget himself when they are with you!”

“Me?” Odysseus asked in disbelief, “Hardly, goddess…hardly…”

He sighed, rubbing his nape nervously.

“I just...didn’t want to burden you with my troubles…”

“Odysseus…” Calypso said sincerely, “You are never a burden… I really want to help you… Not as a goddess, as a friend, I am glad you took some of that weight off your chest”

And then she took a bold step, more to herself than anything, and placed her hand on his. She felt him tense at the sudden contact while she felt his mortal flesh beneath her hand and she almost lost control of her emotions but her face was kept stone calm.

“Don’t you ever, ever apologize for your emotions, Odysseus,” she said sincerely, “It is what makes you mortals and us immortals similar…”

She felt him almost drawing his hand back or at least she felt his muscles signaling for him to do so, as he looked at her with those eyes that hid so much wisdom that indeed made her wonder what kind of mortal person has so much in their mind. She drew back and leaned on her couch again, casually.

“Oh, yes” she said, “Even us gods have feelings, Odysseus, our own torments. You may say that ours are sometimes more unbearable since we have to live with them for all eternity. We have no way of escaping them. One can see that from this very island too. This little paradise that is so left alone from the world…sometimes loneliness is so much to bear Odysseus…so much…”

Odysseus raised his brows. Suddenly the immortal nymph Calypso seemed almost…vulnerable. He saw her honey eyes reflect genuine pain and sorrow, sadness and isolation. He felt somehow stupefied for a second to react. How can someone consol a god?

“I…I understand, beautiful Calypso…” he whispered, “It is piercing the bones of any person to be isolated…”

“Yes, you do understand, don’t you?” Calypso eyed him, “You were a gift to me, Odysseus. It was the first time in hundreds of years that I felt someone actually connecting to this sorrow; the first time I felt someone truly understands loneliness as I do…”

Odysseus suddenly felt uncomfortable. He didn’t know where this conversation was heading to but it seemed like it was about to take a turn that he wouldn’t really wish it to. And apparently he was right for Calypso held his calloused hand in both of hers; caressing his fingers with her delicate, unnaturally smooth ones.

“Why don’t you stay here with me, Odysseus?” Calypso whispered

Her tone resembled a little girl talking to her first crush. It felt so unnatural to Odysseus that the goddess that nursed him back to health, the goddess that always kept a maternal visage now she was talking to him like he was an eternal god and she a young maiden trying to keep him with her.

“Stay…” Calypso repeated, “You understand how I feel and I understand you. You could live a happy life here; free from all the sorrows and this mortal coil. You wouldn’t need to worry about a thing here.”

As if that was not enough, Calypso raised a hand to touch his chin, making their eyes meet.

“I like you, Odysseus” she confessed naturally, “You interested me from the moment I saw you; your will to survive was unparalleled, however now I see how genuinely worthy you are.”

Odysseus felt his cheeks flush with color. It was rather flattering, he couldn’t lie, that this beautiful immortal being that could have any immortal god she wanted on her feet was now showing some interest in him in whatever way; him the man who was no longer young, who never considered himself the handsomest on earth in the first place, the man who was considered by many cunning, sly and without honor; now pique the interest of an immortal goddess. However…

“Your interest in me is beyond flattering, goddess…” he replied as he softly covered her hand still holding his with his own, discreetly drawing it away, “However I must refuse. I must go back…”

Calypso’s face again changed for one briefest second. It was as if someone had punched her in the gut. She slowly withdrew and sat back to her sofa.

“Go back…?” she echoed, “Why? What’s left for you out there, Odysseus? Poseidon wants your life and everyone you know might as well be thinking only of your harm. Mortal minds are so petty sometimes! Why would you want to go back to that world?”

“I have a kingdom I am responsible of” the king of Ithaca replied, “I have a family, friends that I have to return to.  I made a promise I would. I am a mortal too, goddess, I belong to that world”

“Friends!” Calypso said as if the word had no meaning, “Your friends were responsible for this adventure that almost cost your life!”

Reading the expression of shock to his face, Calypso elaborated.

“You do know, it was Eurylochus the one to persuade your men to eat the cows of Helios Hyperion, right? Not that the rest of your men had vastly different opinion, but it was him the one who betrayed you in the first place, the same way he betrayed you when he opened the sack of Aiolus!”

The Man of Many Torments felt his heart clench as all color left his face.

“What?” he croaked out

“Look in your cup” Calypso encouraged him, “and see the truth”

Odysseus looked down at the ceramic cup in his hand and gasped. Indeed the water surface of his cup had turned into a reflective mirror and now he could see as if he were there himself, the dreadful scene that preceded the slaughter of the sacred animals that led to his last ship to be gone forever and his men drown…

*

The men were tired; dark circles had formed under their eyes from sleeplessness and hunger and it had given them a rough look. They seemed like shadows of the men they used to be. Hunger, fatigue and sorrows had brought them on their knees. The sacred cows of Helios Hyperion were always grazing at the field next to the beach, filling their fat bellies with grass rich in salt and essential minerals. His hungry comrades were often looking at them, longer than it would be proper; way too long for comfort. Everyone was of course considering this source of nutrition ever since their rich provisions were gone. They were holding on the promise they had given to Odysseus and the fear for yet another god’s wrath but this time they were all at their limits. Eurylochus suddenly shot up from his sitting position on a rock.

“I’ve had enough of this!” he exclaimed suddenly

As all heads turned to face him at the same time.

“Hear me out, my friends, because I believe you shall agree with me that this cannot go on! We will starve to death if we wait here doing nothing! I don’t know about you, my friends but I refuse to die here of starvation!”

“Eurylochus!” Polites cried out, “What are you saying! You can’t be implying-…”

“All forms of death are terrible, Polites!” Eurylochus replied again, “We mortals are trained all our lives to fear death but death of hunger? Is there ever a worse form to die than that? We once conquered Troy and all its assets and we were praised by gods and humans and now we are in this godforsaken island and we die day by day on the beach like animals that lost their feeding grounds!”

“Eurylochus is right” Lycaon now spoke, “This can’t go on! And Odysseus is nowhere to be found!”

“He went to hunt” Polites replied again, “And pray for us!”

“Pray! Pray!” Eurylochus suddenly started screaming on top of his lungs, “He does nothing but pray! Have you seen any god favor us?! Have you seen anything good coming out of his prayers?! He calls himself pious and religious, he offers sacrifices! The problem started when the sacrifices became us!”

“Now now!” Alkimos now spoke, “That’s too much! Calm down!”

“Don’t you tell me to calm down Alkimos!” Eurylochus growled, “Odysseus will not do anything, once again! All he can do is pray and his prayers go on deaf ears! And that is all because of him! He only is killing us bit by bit!”

“Now listen you!” Polites had enough of this.

He was hungry too and starving but that was way too much.

“Don’t you dare to say that! Odysseus only tried to protect us all in various occasions! True he made many mistakes but-…”

He was stopped when Eurylochus grabbed upon his collar.

“YOU WEREN’T THERE, POLITES!” Eurylochus bellowed and his eyes already shining with primitive hunger were now beyond any form of madness one could express, “You weren’t there! That monster smashing the heads of our comrades! All we could do was watch as he indulged himself in their flesh! We were in that cave because of Odysseus in the first place! We could survive with the wild goats of the island! He just wanted something better! He always does! And WE pay the price! Never him! Never!”

“Now, now everyone calm down!” Amphidamas came between them to separate them, “If we kill each other now, the conversation will have no meaning in the first place!”

Eurylochus was forced to step back but he continued.

“I refuse to die here of hunger! My friends, let us satiate our hunger with these cows. We shall offer a sacrifice to the god Helios here and if we make it to Ithaca then we can build him a great temple, with our own hands. We can make a solemn oath here for that.”

“And if we don’t?” Polites glared at him

“If we don’t…well in that case I prefer to die from a wave and drown rather than die here like a beast from hunger!”

*

Odysseus watched the scene as if he were there.  He watched his comrades grabbing the cows, slaughtering them and offering their sacrifice. But they had no wine left so they used water to rinse the parts of the animals. They had no barley to use and they plucked the leaves of an oak… He watched them set their feast which was not even proper sacrifice to begin with and he knew very well what followed. He was there after that. He could see no more as his eyes filled with tears once more. Suddenly his hangover was forgotten. The pain in his heart was greater. The ceramic fell from his hands and shattered to the floor. Odysseus grabbed his head with both hands, leaning forward in lament.

“Oh, Eurylochus!” he whispered between his sobbing, “I know, my friend, I know I made mistakes…I know I wasn’t perfect but I didn’t deserve this! I didn’t-…deserve…”

His nails nearly broke the flesh of his face as he cried. Yes, there was no point keeping his mask of carefree man anymore. Calypso had already exposed the pain in his soul. He might as well indulge into it again! His men had suffered and died and he was left alone to fight the elements and the storms holding upon the remains of his ship with little to no hope left; alone in fear and in pain, in hunger and in thirst to the brief of death and madness… He felt the injustice in his flesh; he had sacrificed so much! He was always there when they needed him; he went to face gods, creatures, even descended to the Underworld for them and faced the horrors that expect the dead in the afterlife while he was still living himself. He had sold himself to a goddess hoping to get freedom for his men; he had stayed up 9 days to protect the sack of Aiolus to make sure it wouldn’t be opened and that they could get back home… He had been ready to face Skylla and Charybdis for them… Their accusations seemed so unjust in his ears and yet…the other part of himself admitted they were right; nothing would have happened if he hadn’t let his anger speak and brag on Polyphemus…no, nothing would have happened if they never entered his cave in the first place… Perhaps nothing would have happened if he never had that scheme to take Troy! Or what if he was never there! Oh, cursed Troy! Cursed war! But then again, Odysseus felt like he had himself to blame again for what happened…

“Cursed oath!” he thought in despair, “Why did I have to do that! Why did I have to suggest to the old man Tyndareus that we would all defend Helen? If it weren’t for that I would be in Ithaca! Raising my son and embracing my wife! My men would be alive in their houses and villages! Cursed oath! Damn the moment I invented it! Damned the moment I was born!”

He broke down. No, this was too much to bear! He wanted to save them and ended up losing them all! And he had suffered himself. He nearly lost his life… No, it shouldn’t be all his fault now should it? He had specifically told them not to open the sack…he had told them not to eat the animals belonging to a god… He had warned them! He couldn’t be the one to blame for those, right? He knew his comrades made their own mistakes but he could also understand them. They have been through much more than what any mortal was supposed to endure… But that type of mutiny? Why? Why so much hate…? He remembered though how much Eurylochus was affected during their trip. In particular the adventure of Skylla had left them all with scars…

*

The area was quiet; WAY too quiet for anyone’s liking! The men had watched nervously as Odysseus had stood to the fore-deck fully geared up in his armor and holding two spears. Why on earth would he want to be armed? Odysseus seemed ready to collapse in their eyes. He was constantly gazing to the rocks around as if he expected some unknown attack from the sky! As they entered a narrow path, Odysseus seemed to be very weary. As they passed from below a cave at a high mountain, from the other side a terrifying rumble drew their attention and a whirlpool was formed, sucking in the sea water. The men cried out in fear and despair and yet they could not take their eyes off that dreadful sight! And when he had hoped that would be the end of it, the cry was heard over the rumble.

“A baby?” one of the men asked

Odysseus winced. No, no…he thought. His hands clenched upon his arms. Suddenly he remembered Circe’s advice that he had forgotten; there was no point at him being armed; Skylla was immortal. He could do nothing to her even if he wanted. He could only pray that she wouldn’t wake up for her daily meal while they crossed but now that baby cry just shattered all his hopes and prayers. It was too late. He could only steer the ship close to Skylla’s side to avoid Charybdis and now…Skylla had decided it was her time to eat…

“Odysseus!” Polites called out as his face was pale and wet from sweat; one eye to the whirlpool and the other to Odysseus, “Odysseus, there is a baby up at the grotto!”

A baby up… For a moment Odysseus felt like it was Astyanax who was crying from the underworld…Astyanax had come to claim something of him as punishment for he took Troy leading to his death…

“Odysseus!” Polites urged again

Odysseus looked up at the cave and his eyes were liquid. He looked at Polites and his face could be the same as a wounded animal, facing the hound that was about to take his life; pleading for one last time… He was almost shaking.

“Forgive me, Polites…” he whispered, “GET DOWN!”

And he dropped to the deck, taking Polites with him and leading a few men do the same in panic (of those who weren’t still hypnotized by the terrible whirlpool at the other side). Everything happened too fast; Six necks longer than their entire ship probably twice as much, bearing terrible heads; a mixture between a woman’s head and a dragon with mouths open with sharp teeth. The heads rushed to the deck like deadly snakes and they grasped one man each who screeched in pain, drawing the attention of everyone on deck. They watched in horror.

“CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN!” the men who could still speak screamed, “ODYSSEUS!”

Odysseus was unable to take his eyes off this sight which was so similar to the cave of Polyphemus but this time seemed harder to grasp. At the beginning of the grotto Skylla began her feast by cutting off flesh and guts off the bodies of his men who were still alive and screaming from their adrenaline rush; nothing like when Polyphemus had smashed them to the ground, making sure they were dead first. Skylla had no such problem as her six heads were tearing apart what was left of his 6 best men on the ship. The men were wailing and screaming, calling his name. His men pale in horror; one or two of them doubled over and threw up on the deck. Odysseus nearly did both himself. The seconds passed like eons as the screaming finally silenced and the ship drew away from that terrible passage. They could still hear the moaning of Charybdis as she was throwing up the seawater again…

There was silence afterwards… His men hardly dared to breathe…not even the oars could be heard anymore as the ship was probably moving by the stream at that point as no one had the courage to move. Odysseus was frozen there like a statue… He didn’t even have the strength to drop on his knees. Forgive me, he thought, forgive me I had no choice… Polites was probably the first to come out of the trance as he croaked out in a barely audible voice;

“What…what the hell was that…?”he was as pale as a cloud, “Odysseus…? What the hell was that…?”

Odysseus turned his head to him, trying to find the words to answer but Eurylochus pounced at him like a furious tiger ready to eat his throat.

“YOU BASTARD!” he bellowed beyond himself, grabbing him by the front part of his armor, “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT THING?! YOU STOOD THERE DOING NOTHING! WE ALL DID! SPEAK UP!”

His head turned to the side. He couldn’t face him.

“I HEARD YOU SPEAK UP! IT WAS AS IF YOU KNEW WHAT WAS COMING! SPEAK UP ‘KING OF ITHACA’ AND ‘EQUAL TO GODS’! WHAT WAS THAT!?”

“That was Skylla…” Odysseus whispered, “…Daughter of Echidna and Typhoon… A creature that pries on dolphins and seals when she can…and waits for ships to pass her grotto…”

Eurylochus was hyperventilating; his face was red in fury.

“You knew!? YOU KNEW ALL ALONG AND SAID NOTHING!? YOU KEPT YOUR MOUTH SHUT WHEN-…”

“If I had picked Charybdis we would have died all!” Odysseus yelled back, “I had no choice I had to do this! There was no other way!”

“You kept your mouth shut! YOU SAID NOTHING AND LET OUR COMRADES BE SACRIFICED! YOU DIDN’T SAY A THING! WE HAD TO KNOW!”

“WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?!” now Odysseus bellowed, higher than anything Eurylochus did before

His men all silenced before his woeful and furious cry.

“What do you want me to say! That I hoped this monster would never come out? That I wanted us all to suffer as little as possible…that I could find no proper words to explain what was in store for them…that I hope I was them…?”

He was heroically holding his tears back. He was feeling his body turning into stone again under the layers of his armor that had been useless in this adventure.

If I show weakness I am lost…

“…That I am sorry…?”

If I show weakness I am lost…

Eurylochus had his eyes ticking in rage and fear. Odysseus could see the panic settling in him more and more like the waves at the sea. He was shivering all over.

“Sorry…?” he echoed, “You are sorry…?”

The way he grabbed him later, made others even wake up from their shocked state and arrive to their assistance to see which of the two would be hurt next!

“YOU ARE SORRY!?” Eurylochus bellowed, “IT COULD HAVE BEEN ANY OF US, ODYSSEUS! IT COULD HAVE BEEN-…”

He froze again as if the terrible realization hit him. He seemed ready to throw up himself. He let go of Odysseus and stepped back. Suddenly he was vulnerable and frightened.

“Oh my gods…” he mumbled, “We’re not going to survive this, are we? We are all gonna die in this journey! We’re all doomed!”

“No! No!” Odysseus shook his head, “No, this can’t end like this! We shall make it! We must make it! If we follow the instructions Circe gave us, we can make it. Trust me…”

Apparently that word was the worst he could use because Eurylchus gained his fighting spirit back and he was held by another comrade so he wouldn’t rush on him again.

“Trust you?! TRUST YOU, you say?! Six of our comrades are dead! And you said nothing! How can we trust you Odysseus!? HUH?!”

Odysseus lowered his eyes. He fixed the helmet on his head, as if he wanted to hide his gaze from them; from all the judgmental eyes and ears around him.

If I show weakness I am lost…

“I did what I thought it was right…” he said in a cold tone, “If I had chosen Charybdis we would all be dead now…”

He turned to leave but Eurylochus was not done releasing the anger inside him.

“Who else is to be sacrificed next then, Odysseus? Huh? Tell me, King of Ithaca, who is to be sacrificed next?”

If I show weakness I am lost…

“I did it to save us all!” Odysseus whispered dangerously, stepping closer to him, “I did it to save this vessel! Our last ship! Our last hope! If we lose it, we’re lost! I did what I had to do! We can survive this! But we must stick together!”

If I show weakness I am lost…

“If you cannot trust me, then obey me!”

If I show weakness I am lost…

“If I everything I ever done is not enough for you to have faith in me then you must remember that I am still your king!”

If I show weakness I am lost…

“For as long as we have this vessel, I am still your captain! And we still have a chance!”

If I show weakness…

*

Odysseus moaned lowering his head almost between his knees as he remembered what had befallen between them. No wonder that it was Eurylochus the one to initiate that mutiny! However it still hurt every thread of his heart. It still led to the outmost destruction! He had roamed 10 days aimlessly in absolute terror in the elements with no hope; nearly losing his mind in the process…and his very life!

“Our last vessel…our last hope…” he whispered, “…It’s gone…gone! We… Gone… All of our hope was gone…! Why, Eurylochus! Why! Why!”

Calypso walked around his bench. She was as alluring as she seemed dangerous…like the sea that enclosed him. Her touch on his shoulder as she circled him, made him feel fear for the very first time he was with her. It was as if some cloud was lifted from his mind; a cloud he had no idea it existed.

“My poor, tormented darling…” Calypso whispered again, “These men rebelled against you…they disobeyed your orders and ignored your suggestions… Surely you are not the one to blame for their carelessness and arrogance….”

Her hands cupped his cheeks and made him look at her. She had kneeled before him and she wiped tears with her thumbs; tears he had no idea he had shed…

“You nearly lost your life out there, darling… Why must you torment yourself over them? Why must your heart always mourn? Forget about this…mortal coil. Stay here with me…stay and rest, finally, Odysseus… You shall not want of anything here… I could offer you the gift of immortality… Never shall you fear sickness or death again! Never shall you find yourself in the same pitiful state that you were when you first showed up at my doors! You shall be my equal! All you need to do is ask…”

Immortal! The word rang to Odysseus’s brain like a bell; immortality was the dream of every human being! And if immortality was linked, as she said, to no more of this heartache and torment… Oh, how desirable that was! And yet his mind rebelled to this. He remembered the Underworld; that dreadful place of wandering souls…he remembered Achilles who had told him he’d rather a thousand times be the last servant and alive than a god-king and dead… Why was his mind rebelling this when every mortal instinct he had was telling him to accept that? He held her wrists and softly removed them from his cheeks.

“Goddess…I immensely thank you for your proposal…there is indeed nothing sweeter echoing in the ears of a helpless mortal than immortality free of sorrows but… I cannot accept this… I must go back…”

Calypso seemed like she had been slapped as she looked at him.

“But…why!” she finally asked, “Why would you choose that? When you have been tormented so much and hurt so badly?”

“I must return to Ithaca!” Odysseus insisted, “My wife…my son are waiting for me there… And if I give up everything now, all we have been through with my companions will be in vain! I cannot just abandon them….”

Calypso stood up. Suddenly her face resembled indeed a statue; perfect and yet cold and emotionless.

“And are you sure, Odysseus, that your wife remained faithful to you? Are you sure she hasn’t betrayed you too?”

Odysseus moaned helplessly. That thought stabbed into his brain like a sword. For some reason Agamemnon’s words came to his mind that one can never trust their spouse, for he had been murdered by Clytemnystra and her lover. He shook his head. No, not Penelope! Penelope would never!

“No!” he exclaimed, “Not, Penelope! We chose each other! There is a special bond between us!”

“And yet, how do you know?” Calypso pressed, “You have been married almost two decades and yet you lived but a couple of years together. How can you know that your sweet Penelope holds your marriage the same as you do?”

“She does! I know she does! She promised she would wait! She promised me!”

“Darling! Listen to yourself! You have been away from home more than 12 years!” she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, resting her beautiful head over his, “At best possible scenario she honored your marriage till they finally denounced you dead. Who can leave a throne vacant for so long?”

“No…” Odysseus whispered in denial, “No…no!”

“Just face the truth, my darling…you cannot deny it that over a decade people die… Your sweet Penelope might as well have found a new husband to rule your kingdom. No one can wait so long, my darling…” she whispered in his ear, “Not even you…”

Odysseus shivered. Her hot breath in his ear ringed weirdly in his soul. A natural feeling of repulse mixed with the sweet allure of her voice made him release himself from her embrace and stand up.

“I would! I would wait! I did! I still do!”

“And you are absolutely certain she would do the same? How can you be so sure that your sweet Penelope hasn’t found someone else to warm that empty wedding bed of hers?”

His bed? That bed he carved with his own two hands would be taken by someone else? That thought terrified him. No, he didn’t even want to think about it!

“Please goddess, stop! Say no more, I employ you!”

Suddenly he felt the need to defend himself against her accusations even if he had no real logical argument to repel them. It was as if his heart knew what his brain was repelling. His mother in the Underworld had told him that Penelope was enduring still and he held onto that for dear life. But, the other part of his brain was asking, how long has his mother been dead? If she met her end years ago then what guarantee did he have that Penelope hadn’t really remarried? He had none and he knew it, but he still wouldn’t want to accept such a scenario!

“But what if I am right?” Calypso insisted, “What if you are right and she endured but eventually she had to bend? What if your sweet Penelope has found a new husband?”

“Then…” the king of Ithaca whispered, “…that is one more reason for me to go back! To claim what is mine; my land, my kingdom, my palace…and my wife!”

Calypso frowned and lowered her head. She was astonished by his seer stubbornness and his refusal of seeing what he was truly refusing! She felt anger rising inside her. She adored him and she desired him. She had tried everything the past weeks to make him see it but apparently his mind was captured by his wife for an eternity and regardless of whether she managed to read his heart or not, Odysseus was once more distanced from her… She felt an anger she never felt before in her long life; was this the emotion humans named “envy”? Was she envious of a mere mortal woman? A woman that would eventually grow old and die? No, she refused to accept such weakness! And she wouldn’t lose to a mortal woman to the fight for the heart of this man she had come to adore to her bones!

*

Calypso was working her loom. She could feel the enchantment had faded; the sweet lithe that wanted to give to Odysseus so his pain would heal and he wouldn’t need to think so much of the things he would leave behind, had started to fade. It was as if, indeed, Odysseus’s mental and emotional strength were enough to make him indeed Equal to Gods… She banged her fist on the wood frustrated. She had seen his heart, she had saved his life, she had helped him and yet she still was so far away from him and all this time Odysseus had been resisting her incantation by seer will and emotion without even knowing it! No, she couldn’t let him leave, not before her questions were answered! What made him tick so much? What made his will to survive so strong that he managed to come out alive out of the greatest of hardships? Why was she so helplessly trapped in his charms when he was just a mortal man with no intention to seduce her in the first place? She sighed. She didn’t need to look behind her shoulder to realize it was Odysseus standing behind her.

“Calypso…” he whispered, “Great goddess of Ogygia…please…give me a vessel…give me a small ship to go back to my country… You nursed me back to health, you gave me valid answers to some of my questions… I can no longer stay here… Please, beautiful nymph I employ you…give me a ship to govern”

“There are no ships in Ogygia, Odysseus!” Calypso replied almost coldly, “No one ever comes or goes from here… Ships do not cross this sea…so full of danger”

“Then…please give me the tools to make one” Odysseus insisted, “Please, I have to go back, do you understand? I have been away from my wife and son so long! I want to embrace my precious Telemachus again! Tell him how sorry I am for missing all his life! Please be merciful, powerful nymph…please let me go…”

Calypso sighed. Her fist clenched.

“Fine…if that’s what you want to do…” she stood up to her full height and turned around

She was a tall woman; as tall as he was in total. Perhaps even a few centimeters taller. Her look was magnificent under the pale light of dusk. And yet her honey eyes shone in a dangerous way that Odysseus never saw before.

“But first, before you leave, I need something from you, Odysseus”

“Anything, goddess!” Odysseus replied almost immediately, “As long as it is within my power to give it to you”

“The gifts of Xenia, I gave you…” Calypso immediately replied; her eyes resembled now a predatory bird that had caught a mouse in her claws, “I took you in my house, I gave you my bed to sleep, I gave you my wine and bread to satiate your hunger and quench your thirst and clothes to wear. I believe you owe me some gifts of Xenia back.”

Odysseus’s heart sank in his chest.

“Goddess…” he began, “I have nothing to give you! I lost everything. If I had my vessel I would have given you all the treasures I got from Troy and every land I encountered in-between! I would give you the best wine and fabrics, jewelry and pearls from all ends of the world! The price would be too little for the good you did to me! But, alas, I have nothing. I am a ruined shipwrecked man! I have nothing to give you, to repay your hospitality!”

“Ah, Odysseus, Odysseus… There is something you can give me, something much more important than those soulless things. Wine…jewelry? Why would I need any of those? I already have plenty. However there is something you can give me, Odysseus, that nothing of those can buy…”

Odysseus eyed her curiously.

“What?” he genuinely asked, “What is it that I have that is so precious to you, good goddess?”

Calypso slowly walked to him. And then Odysseus froze because what she did next was something that totally took him aback. Her hand softly touched his cheek and then her lips landed upon his. Odysseus felt his eyes widen like a rabbit before the sight of a fox. No…no it couldn’t be! Calypso pulled back smiling seductively.

“Entertain me, Odysseus!” she whispered, “Give me what your wife enjoyed for a little while… Show me how mortals make love!”

Pale as a sheet, Odysseus took plenty of steps back.

“No…!” he whispered, “No, no! Please, I beg of you goddess!  I-I can’t give you what you ask!”

“Why not?” Calypso pressured, “You gave this to the divine daughter of Helios.”

Circe’s name came back to haunt him. Yes, Odysseus had shared a bed with Circe but then it was different! Hermes had told him not to refuse her and he had his men to protect. Right now he was alone. He had no one else to protect but his own skin and right now his decision would mean so much more than just an exchange and somehow he knew it!

“Please, spare me, good goddess!” Odysseus begged, “Ask for anything else, but not that, not that please!”

Penelope…Telemachus…

“It seems like offending gods has become a second nature to you, Odysseus!” Calypso retorted, “You make it sound like the worst thing that can happen to you is to bed me!”

Odysseus turned pale in terror. No, he definitely did not mean to offend her and yet what she asked of him…

“I’ll…I’ll do anything else, goddess. I shall delay my departure to make you a magnificent palace with my own hands if you wish…”

“Why would I need such thing, Odysseus? As you see I am missing nothing in my godly grotto. Why would I need a palace in my isle?”

“I…I shall build you a temple in Ithaca once I arrive!” Odysseus desperately tried again, “I shall make you the greatest goddess of all the Cephallinians, but please spare me!”

Calypso let out a light chuckle.

“The gifts of Xenia are not something given after 10 years, Odysseus!” she said as a matter of fact, “Not to mention that there is no guarantee that you will even make it back to your little island. The way Poseidon wishes your demise, I highly doubt you will make it beyond my bay! Nay, Odysseus. Besides why would I need worship? I live content on my island like that. I’d rather get what I wished for”

“Spare me!” Odysseus cried out, “Spare me, goddess, please! I’ll fall on my knees for you, beggar at your feet, but please don’t make me do this!”

He would have indeed dropped on his knees to hug hers, to make sure that she would not push him any further but she stopped him. She had come to know him.

“Please, Odysseus, no more, otherwise it will be much harder for me to keep refusing you!”

“Please, show mercy!”

“I have stated what I want from you and that’s it” Calypso replied relentless, “Are you going to trample the laws of Xenia as well? Wasn’t the taking of Troy enough when you fought at night using trickery? Wasn’t offending one god enough? Do you now wish to trample this sacred law dictated by Zeus as well?”

Odysseus froze in place; the law of Xenia…the law that he lived on all his life with. The law that he honored above all was now brought before him. He knew he had nothing to give her and he knew he could not offend her any further. He grabbed his head in desperation.

“If I want to see my wife and child…I have to appease her… Oh, Penelope! Forgive me! I am just a man; a weak, mortal man! I cannot fight with gods! I am tired! I can’t do this anymore!” he thought in despair, “My honor…trampled so many times! Gods, mercy! No more! Please no more!”

He knew everything had a price; he had learnt that the hard way! However seeing also Calypso; the kind nymph that took him in without asking anything before; the person he thought might be the exception, now bringing such a horrendous price for him to pay stroke him harder than anything. Suddenly his heart ached and then he felt like it broke. They are all the same, he thought, all gods and humans are the same! They all require a price and they ignore the distressful pleading!

*

Calypso’s chambers were dimly lit in moonlight only one or two torches lit the room. Calypso was casually leaning in her bed, observing him with an unreadable look; it was a mixture of lust, amusement, curiosity and wonder… Odysseus was shaking as he turned to the low table. He poured a cup of wine for himself and he downed it. Then he took another one. He breathed heavily. Gods let me go numb tonight…he thought, let me not feel this that I am about to do…. He could feel her eyes burning holes to the back of his nape, as if she was gaining strength from his distress. As if it as amusing to her. He turned around to see the nymph; so beautiful and so terrible, staring at him.

“Take off your clothes and join me, Odysseus…” she whispered seductively

Odysseus mechanically breathed in and out and then slowly opened his chiton, revealing his wide chest. He wished his mind wasn’t so frozen and yet so aware. For the first time in his life he wished to faint here and there; black out so he will not be conscious when it happens! Calypso shot up from the bed and grabbed the cloth, tearing it apart with one single move. Odysseus winced before her strength but even more he winced when her hands touched his chest, burning his flesh like fire as she felt the curly hair that adorned it. She felt every detail, every muscle, every scar… She shivered in delight finally feeling his flesh beneath her fingertips and the reactions that came with it… She felt every tremor, every jerk that strong mortal body was emitting! She sealed his lips with hers. Odysseus had kept his mouth as tightly closed as possible. Her lips burnt like coals…his soul hurt like being torn apart! Calypso softly pulled back and whispered against his lips;

“Like you mean it, Odysseus…like you mean it!”

Odysseus nearly broke down in tears as her lips sealed his again. He tried really hard to respond, feeling a jerk to his hair by her strong hand.

“I am Odysseus of Ithaca! Father to sweet Telemachus…son of Laërtes…There is nothing I can’t endure!”

The strokes came even lower. Odysseus prayed with all the power of his soul that his body wouldn’t react; that she would lose interest in him…however, as always, the gods were relentless. He felt his body responding to her caresses and her forcible seduction. He held back himself; no he wouldn’t moan! Be it pleasure or pain; he wouldn’t react! He wouldn’t give off the storm inside him!

“I am the Man of Many Turns…Goodly Odysseus! I am the Sacker of Cities! I am the spawn of Hermes…grandson of Autolycus! I shall not…I cannot be broken…!”

The touch nearly drove him insane in rage and confusion! He sighed as he nearly felt himself losing his footing.

“Endure my heart…please endure…! You have endured worse…!”

She led him on her bed…to which he was forced to lay and she threw her dress off her body revealing herself to him as pretty as she was terrible. As she climbed over him Odysseus wanted to shut his eyes closed, to hide those small tears that escaped his eyes and got lost in his curly hair.

“Oh, Athena! Oh, Pallas! Why! Why! Why! Please guide me to take this bitter cup upon my lips! Why are you silent, Athena? Why did you abandon me?”

As more kisses cascaded his body and he felt those arms almost pinning him on the bed, Odysseus remembered Circe… She had led him to her bed thinking she had his consent… Calypso knew she didn’t. She knew he couldn’t escape and yet it was as if she wanted to make sure! As she slowly raised herself to a position that was comfortable, Odysseus felt his heart break. The sudden rush made him almost lose his breath. He threw his head back in a silent scream. He wanted to close his eyes and yet he couldn’t avoid the terrible sight; he saw that face that was always calm and collected; maternal even now distorted in a mask of forceful bliss and a cascade of sighs and hums. That body that supported him before and helped him move about in the cave when he was weak was now moving over him making a series of sensations rush through his veins…those hands that so gently and so strongly supported him were now pinning him down; her left hand resting somewhere behind her back, close to the scar that adorned his leg and the other pressing upon his laryngeal prominence. He clenched his jaw till it hurt so he wouldn’t groan in distress; his body reacting to her treatment was much more terrifying even than the sight of hers on top of him.

“No more…please gods no more…”

And then it was over! He nearly fell back to the pillows breathing heavily like wounded. Calypso was breathing as well; only in delight. She didn’t seem half as tired as he was…

“On my word, Odysseus!” she panted softly, “You really ARE ‘Equal to gods’!”

He felt nauseous! He wanted to scream. He remained on the same position…not daring to look at her anymore as she kissed his cheek tenderly, hands tracing his body. Only one tear escaped his eye.

“Why…? WHY!”

*

Calypso was humming softly as she was arranging her hair. She had thrown a robe around her naked body, looking at her reflection at the bronze spectrum. Odysseus almost staggered in the room. He had thrown a new chiton over himself but he still felt the shame around him. He was breathing irregularly in rage and sadness.

“Now…” he panted, “Give me a vessel, goddess! Let me go home as you promised…!”

“Promise?” Calypso asked almost innocently, “I don’t recall promising such thing!”

Odysseus felt like someone had stabbed him in the heart.

“What?!” he croaked out, “But you said…”

“I said that you need to entertain me, Odysseus, to return me my gifts of Xenia but I did not promise I would immediately give you the means to make a vessel. And besides did you honestly think that one night is enough to buy your life’s worth?”

“I am ruined!” Odysseus cried out, “I am ashamed! I will probably never be able to face my wife and son again! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!” he finally yelled beyond his wits.

Calypso looked at him sincerely.

“I want you to love me, Odysseus!”

She stood up, taking advantage of his sudden shock.

“At first I was curious…I was not sure how mortals make love; this desperation that is linked to your temporary nature… Does it feel better for you that you know you are doomed? To us is just another pass time sometimes but to mortals it means so much more… But…”

She actually almost blushed! Odysseus though felt disgust and hatred.

“…But now, I am not sure if I can let you go! After feeling you…I just confirmed what I knew. You cured my loneliness…you filled an empty spot I never knew I had in my heart! I love you, Odysseus! And I want you to love me like I do…”

“Love?” Odysseus chocked in the word, “You call this love?!”

This was the only way the immortals knew to show love? Tormenting the mortals?

“I know I can win your heart, my love…” Calypso ignored him, “I know I can help you live here…with me…how to make you mine…and I shall be yours as your wife!”

“You will NEVER be my wife!”

“Oh but you are wrong, my dear. We united before gods and witnesses! You are my husband now, by the laws of gods!”

“Never! I have a wife! She waits for me! You are not my wife and you shall never be! I want to leave! You can’t hold me here!”

“You stayed one year with the witch Circe! Why acting so pious all of the sudden?”

For one moment the king of Ithaca saw only red. His hand grabbed her throat before he would realize it. Calypso was shocked only for one second but then a smirk crept to her lips.

“Like you mean it, Odysseus…” she whispered in a mocking manner, “…Like you mean it!”

Odysseus was shivering in anger. Oh, how easy it seemed if he could snap that neck that seemed so delicate! And yet he knew the truth; those bones beneath were not mortal bones and he would never manage to do anything to them and even if he did, she wouldn’t die…no, she wouldn’t die…! He let go of her running out of the room.

“You will never leave this place, you know…” Calypso’s casual voice stopped him in his tracks, “This island from the land till the currents around the sea respond to my will. Every single breeze and wave shall bring you back….”

Odysseus did not want to believe this! He ran out of the grotto. At the beach he knew he had no vessel but at that moment roaming the sea like he had come to this island didn’t seem as terrible as the fate that awaited him here. He threw a log in the water and tried to paddle away on it but, indeed the waves pushed him back on shore. He tried again with no avail. He desperately jumped into the sea to swim with all his might but the result was the same. Exhausted and exasperated Odysseus was once more pushed to the shores of Ogygia.

“No!” Odysseus yelled as he paced up and down like a wounded tiger in the cage.

In his anger he roared and threw a rock to the waves but that’s all he could do. He gave up. He sat down the sand, drawing his knees to his chest and remained silent under the stars…  In what seemed like eons, he heard Calypso’s light footsteps upon the sand and the pebbles.

“Odysseus…” she called for him, “Come inside, it is getting late”

“No thank you!” he replied in a low dangerous voice

“You shall need to eat something, my love, come back inside.”

“Your price is too high to pay!”

“Come inside, Odysseus” she repeated, “I will order for your meal to be prepared.”

“I’d rather die of hunger and cold!”

Calypso sighed. It was the type of sigh a disappointed mother would give to a child.

“As you wish” she said, “But remember you should know better not to cross with me that much, my darling. I love your spirit, I really do, however you should know better that I shall not ask twice…”

Odysseus turned to look at the waves so she wouldn’t see his jaw shiver…so she wouldn’t see the fear in his eyes. Yes, he knew. Achilles was just a mortal man and yet all he needed to do was to plead his goddess mother to bring misfortune upon all Achaeans…  He didn’t even dare to imagine what this immortal could do if she wanted. What if she ordered immortal nymphs of the oceans to drown his beautiful little kingdom? What stopped her from doing this…? Finally he heard her footsteps as she walked away. Odysseus was left alone…

*

As he was sitting there…his tears began to flow in the middle of the cold night. He buried his face in his folded arms.

“Gods! Is this, then, my fate…? Being the lapdog of a goddess every time she pleases? Shall this be the fate of Odysseus of Ithaca? Alas! Why! Why gods! I only made one mistake! I only…why! Why! Haven’t I graced you all with sacrifices and worship? Why did you abandon me? Over one mistake…?”

The smell of cooked meat came to his nostrils. His stomach growled in hunger. Once more he lamented himself and his mortal nature. He was hungry and Calypso knew that and she was using it to torment him. He clenched his head with his hands.

“Oh, alas! Is that what my men had to suffer out there…? Is this why their mortal bodies could take no more?”

He wondered why, how could he forget his lament over their loss for so long!

“That cursed witch and her spells!” he lamented, “Taking away this sorrow…putting my conscious to sleep!”

He remembered his promise…

“I have to survive…If I die here who is going to remember them? Who is going to know they were here? Who is going to tell their story? I am the only one left! I am the only one who can remember them…”

He heard the waves…his heart felt cold and heavy like the stones residing in the ocean. I don’t even have a tomb for them…he thought, I can’t even build them a funeral pyre… He felt his curly hair with his hand. His long hair was the crown on his head; thick and long; they had tangled a lot from the wind and the salt water while he traveled, almost forming natural locks. Ever since he arrived to Calypso’s isle it was always neatly combed and washed. His hand searched the beach and caught a sharp stone. He held his hair with one hand and then with the stone, slowly and methodically he cut it short as his nape… He held that hair in his hand before throwing it in the sea…the last funerary tribute that he could give them. He would survive. He would survive even if he meant to do anything for it! He would try to reach Ithaca! He would continue their legacy!

*

Calypso was sitting by the fire as her maids stirred the stew in the cauldron. She looked up and smiled. Odysseus was standing there. His face was like stone; his eyes bottomless and liquid. His hair that used to be thick and long now it was cut. His eyes were stained and burnt from tears. Calypso though smiled. She had confidence in herself that her spouse would learn to love her. It was only a matter of time and she had all the time in the world.

“Odysseus!” she whispered, “I am so glad you decided to come…”

She extended her richly adorned hand towards him. That hand that had given him life now it seemed ready to severe it.

“Come…” she urged softly, “Come to sit by the fire to get warm…we have dinner almost ready…”

One last tear ran down his cheek. Yes, he would survive no matter the cost; even if that would be his sanity and honor! The gods were silent to his prayers. He was alone. He had to survive alone…

He spoke no words anymore…

He walked in the grotto…

~~~

Oh my gosh! What have I done indeed! TT_TT but yeah...I do not fully regret! I believe this wll be the 3rd and final part of Sirvor's Guilt/Duty and I hope you enjoyed the wild ride!

Calypso weaving was inspired by this amazing soundtrack from "The Perfume"

Calypso showing Odysseus the events that occured before he arrived was inspired by the Odyssey since Odysseus mentions in his narrative how he was filled in the details by Calypso

I just HAD to include the Skylla moment because it was one of the most brutal description in the Odyssey so one can see how much Odysseus was traumatized!

Now as for how Calypso knows the details well...gods are often depicted to know things even if they aren't there (even if at other times they don't!)

And my extra explanation as to why Odysseus could not go anywhere.

The After Note was inspired by the clip from nbc Dracula (particulary the expression of poor Odysseus so read at your own accord! xd)

~~~~~~~~~

(After note)

The night was silent as always on Ogygia. The silence could strangle you. Odysseus slowly lifted himself from the narrow bed. His expression was unreadable. It was as if the pain and sorrow had left a permanent dark scar to his face that would never allow anyone to see him smile again. His hair was tangled and his beard untidy almost just like the bed that seemed even messier. He looked to the side and his eyes darkened even further, if that would even be possible, as he gazed upon Calypso’s body. She was sleeping on her stomach, with her head towards the other direction, one of her beautiful legs drawn slightly towards her. Her dark hair adorned with gold, seashells and pearls were flowing all around her like second layer of jewels and yet to Odysseus they seemed like deadly tentacles; like the heads of the dreadful Skylla that consumed his comrades when it seemed like an eternity prior. Her soft breathing was barely heard and yet to Odysseus it was echoing in his brain driving him mad. He was choking. He needed fresh air! He slowly got out of the bed, feeling the light pain down his back. He walked out of the room, feeling the cold stone of the grotto under his bare feet. He didn’t care at all that he was absolutely naked at that moment; he didn’t bother to cover himself even if there was a possibility one of the nymphs of Calypso to be around. Odysseus felt there was no sense of shame in him anymore. He ignored the nudity of his body as well as a few small scratches and bruises upon it that were accidentally caused by some miscalculation on Calypso’s strength during some of their endless nights of her passion and intercourse. Calypso had apologized of course. But then again Odysseus had stopped caring. He had tried resisting her before but with no avail, as she was much stronger than what he was. He had even tried begging her; one night! Spare me at least one night! However long now, Odysseus had stopped caring. There was no fight in him anymore.

It had been two years already, the king of Ithaca had calculated; two years of torture and despair. His hair that he had cut as a tribute to his dead men had already started to grow longer. If it were in his hands he wouldn’t even bother to brush it anymore. He didn’t feel much like grooming himself or taking care of himself. He didn’t seem to see the point in it anymore and, besides, there more unattractive he appeared in her eyes, the better. If it weren’t for the nymphs who prepared him regularly for these nightly torments of his then Odysseus probably would have stopped doing anything. The longing for return was eating his guts like a worm eating the flesh of a rotten apple; he could almost feel it through his gut! However the hope for his return was getting slimmer and slimmer. And it wasn’t just his bitter nostos that was eating him up. It was also haste and doubt. Calypso had planted that seed of doubt before and now she kept watering it with every night of abuse that Odysseus had to suffer. He was closing in that island as long as he took to travel there. Ten years he was away to Troy, three years he was traveling, losing his men one by one and now two years of imprisonment. He was away from home 15 years. What if Calypso for once was right? What if Penelope out of seer coercion decided that he was long dead and had to marry again? What would happen to him then if that last piece of him was uprooted from him? Or, much worse, what would happen if… No, Odysseus thought, that scenario he didn’t want to accept! Not Penelope…Penelope was different! She would never cheat on his memory, right? She had promised to him she would wait for his return…

“And how long is she supposed to wait for you?” there was a voice in the back of his head, “You left her wait 15 years…who would wait that long?”

Who indeed? Who would remain faithful to a man who disappeared for so long? Odysseus shivered. He didn’t even want to think about it, despite the doubt biting his heart like a snake. He remembered Agamemnon, whom he had met in the bitter ends of the Underworld. He told him to beware for his wife murdered him upon his return…with her lover.

“No! Not, Penelope! Penelope would never…”

This thought he had made so many times while residing at the beach crying or even within the arms of Calypso at night. These thoughts constantly twirling in his mind. Penelope was a kind woman when he met her. A nice soft bride. However as Calypso had said; they were married almost 20 years and yet he had known her for around a handful. What if she wasn’t who he thought she was? What if she was coerced to change? And his sweet Telemachus…his son would be now 15 years of age; around the age he was when he got his infamous scar by the boar at Parnassus. His son would be practically a man now; independent and strong. He had missed a quarter of his life; his son probably feared his father would be dead. He felt like every single day he spent on that island would be a tick to the clock against him; Penelope marrying again and Telemachus never knowing his father or hearing his voice… This was way too much to bear… His whole life moving on without him was way too much to endure. His pain was eating him up. His hair had started to grow gray. He knew his own youth was long gone however the silver edges to his temples shouldn’t normally appear so fast. His father never grew white. Even when he left for war he had his black hair almost intact and barely started to grow gray. However Odysseus felt like his own features had changed over the years. He saw himself at a polished bronze mirror once and he was surprised. He could hardly recognize the prematurely aged man inside the copper surface. Calypso didn’t seem bothered though. She even seemed to enjoy this change that his torment had brought about him; perhaps she was charmed by his mortal nature; this nature that showed how helpless existence was, that no matter what one did, their time on this earth would be counted for anyways.

Eventually he reached the entrance of the wide, white cave. He was greeted by the sounds of the night and the cold night breeze. Odysseus, though, didn’t shiver nor did he feel it. It was as if his body had turned into marble; his heart into stone. It didn’t matter if in the mornings he was seeking sanctuary to the solitude of the sandy beach and there he would bawl his eyes out almost all day; having nothing else to do but gaze at the waves and cry. In the night Odysseus was a cold statue; as if he had no more tears to shed. As he stood there, listening to the song of the crickets and the waves to the far beyond he felt weak…he felt helpless…he felt like nobody…Oh, how many times had he wished he could get in her room and kill her! How many times he wished he could snap her neck, smother her with a pillow or open that delicate throat with his sword! But he knew it would be impossible. He looked up and noticed a night bird flying to the sky. His furious eyes became liquid and his fists clenched painfully.

“If only you never existed…!” he thought bitterly, “If only you gods never existed! Then us mortals could live our life in peace!”

He was always faithful to the gods. Many people had said he was the best when it came to sacrifices and respect. But now it all seemed pointless in the cover of this dreadful night and all the nights before. Odysseus had come to fear the night and its creatures and feeling disgust by them and he came to hate the day because it only held solitude and sadness. He didn’t even get his usual nightmares as he often got when he slept for the past years; it was as if he was completely hollow. There was hardly anything left of him anymore. Not even his faith. He watched the night owl fly soundlessly in the moonlight and his heart was filled with anger and despair. Athena, why did you abandon me, he thought. Curse you too! How can you leave me like this! However as if he realized the severity of his own mind his eyes watered and a tear ran down his cheek.

“Gods, I am turning into a monster…” he thought, “If I lose my faith to the gods…then…then what’s left of me then…? Is there anything left of Odysseus of Ithaca, father to sweet Telemachus and son of Laërtes?”

He looked back at the grotto that had become his salvation and now his prison and torture. Oh, how he wished he turned that place into a second Troy! How he wished he had his trusty bow that he left to Ithaca, to shoot his arrows to all these creatures that tormented him and set this place in fire! If only he could! He visualized so many times driving arrows to the sensitive flesh of these women and leaving Calypso for last… He would enter her rooms dripping the dark blood of her companions; naked sword in hand so she could see; take a good look on what she did to him and then she would feel the kiss of the metal to her tender throat… He visualized her death so many times that he could almost taste it… Something in his mind snapped. He could almost feel like doing it. Eyes on fire and dripping hot tears he clenched his fists to the point of almost breaking the skin with his nails. He slowly marched to the room only to find her sleeping in the same position; totally unperturbed by his torment.

“Why am I the monster…?” he thought, “And she can sleep peacefully…? After everything she did to me…?”

As madness crept even more into his heart as his infamous temper was about to explode his hands were clenching in a painful grip but he refused to feel the pain. Maybe he could do it tonight. Maybe he could try… Perhaps she was a normal nymph after all; immortal but not indestructible! Maybe he could take his vengeance from this magnificent being that tormented him in the cover of the night, why not? He had done this before. One more sin to add to his miserable life; one more attempt! He could at least try. If it didn’t work, the worst case scenario would be that he would be liberated from this if her anger turned against him! Slowly and soundlessly like a lion in the night he crept on the bed over her. His onyx eyes were even darker than the night around him; yes, he could try! Slowly and carefully he crawled over her when…

An iron hand grabbed his throat, cutting his breath for one second.

Odysseus felt his heart skip a beat. He recognized that soft hand; it was smooth and sleek like silk but held the power of three men in that tiny touch. Suddenly all his previous resolve; his madness evaporated in thin air by the reminder of her strength. No, he had absolutely no chance of doing anything to her. She was no ordinary nymph. She was the daughter of the titan Atlas, the man who held the sky… That grip on his throat lasted for only one second because immediately after it turned into a tender touch to the sides of his neck, followed by a second hand that held him there; softly and yet demandingly. Calypso raised her body to meet his face with hers; her eyes glistering with love and passion.

“Odysseus…!” she whispered

Her voice was barely audible and yet Odysseus didn’t really feel like reacting anymore as those lips sealed his and kissed him deeply. Odysseus felt exhausted. It was as if all his previous anger had taken the life out of him. He knew he had no choice but to respond to her kiss. He had come to know her. He grasped her hair to the back of her head and pulled desperately; in a weak and pitiful attempt to hurt her back. It was his way of showing the weak resistance he could; he would often grab or pull her hair when she kissed him or grasp her in what would have been a bruising grip for any other grown mortal man but it didn’t work on Calypso and he knew it, if anything it was almost like confirmation to her that he was equally passionate, giving her the wrong impression. He knew it was doing nothing. It was just his last way to show his will. As Calypso wrapped her beautiful legs around his waist she pulled him down with her.

Odysseus felt his tears dry in his eyes.

He was once more a statue.

He chose not to feel…

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

honestly the given explanation for why the miss fortunes are out doing what they do is so thin, that i’m kind of inclined to believe the writers didn’t actually. make one. they just wrote in that the clans were “close-minded” and just expected us to take that at face value bc idk, they’re old?

however if we are attempting to stretch a fan-canon explanation out of the raw dough that is canon, the one area i can think of that is strikingly close-minded of the clans, and also shared between them, is their mutual distrust of each other. and since clover and coin come from two different clans, i actually feel like the most likely thing is that they left because they weren’t allowed to associate, and/or were getting suspicious looks for doing so.

however, coin also names irida’s “goody-two-shoes attitude” as part of the reason she left. so i’m back to not being sure again. is that a front, to look tough for the other two?

yknow, depending on how timelines shake out—and this is a hundred percent influenced by the other thoughts i’ve been having re: the pearl clan lately—if the sisters left for the galaxy team really soon after it settled in, and if that itself happened not long after ingo arrived, it’s possible that the “goody-two-shoes” thing coin’s mad at irida about is irida choosing to let ingo stay.

especially because irida then reflects that “the coin [she] knew would never have hesitated to help a stranger in need.” maybe coin perceives some sort of double standard in the way irida handled ingo’s sudden appearance vs. coin’s relations with clover/the diamond clan, and was pissed enough about it to just leave entirely. since she was directly fighting with irida, that would also explain why irida seems less surprised to see coin than adaman does clover.

this doesn’t account for charm, and whatever happened between the three of them and the galaxy team, at all. i know. i’m still thinking about that part.

[flightfoot]

Perspective From Another Timeline

Thanks to my betas @steelblaidd and Izzybusy!

I ADORE @buggachat new Bakery Enemies AU. This idea just kept on swirling through my head, I had to write it! This is set between parts 13 and 14, so after Adrien meets Alya and Nino but before Marinette starts sympathizing with him. AO3

---------

“You okay?”

Alya shook her head, trying to clear it. “I’ll be fine. I’ve weathered worse than that - we both have.”

Nino grinned at her. “True that.”

Alya smiled at him fondly, remembering Heroes Day. It was a bittersweet memory, with her having been turned against Nino and them both being akumatized. 

But they had fought to protect each other as best they could. She’d seen Prime Queen’s footage, how Carapace had struggled to get her to fight against Dark Cupid’s magic, how he’d only given into despair after she’d given into akumatization. 

“What did that blast do to us?” Nino wondered. “Everyone else the akuma blasted just disappeared. Why’re we still here?”

Alya’s brow furrowed. “I dunno… hold on, let me check to see whether any new info on the akuma’s been uploaded.”

Pulling out her phone, she tapped on the Akuma News Alert app.

An error message popped up, telling her that she had no internet connection.

Puzzled, Alya checked her phone’s other settings. 

No wifi - no wifi even recognized, much less connectable - no cell service, no connection to the outside world at all.

She glanced over at Nino. “Hey, you got any signal?”

Taking out his own phone, he quickly checked his connection. He shook his head. “Not a single bar.”

Frowning, Alya looked around. “Maybe all the cell towers were taken out?”

Everything looked intact though, no sign of any destruction at all.

Something else caught Alya’s eye. “Hey Nino, what time should it be?”

Nino blinked. “Well I mean lunch just started so it should be a little past noon-”

He glanced around, noticing the long shadows and the pinkish-orange of the evening sky.

“-which it clearly is not anymore,” he concluded.

Great. “Guess Ladybug and Chat Noir must’ve taken a while to defeat the akuma,” she said, putting her phone away. “Hopefully my parents aren’t too worried. They like me to text them just after an akuma attack, but right now…?” she gestured to her pocket.

“My folks aren’t as worried,” Nino said. “But they still expect me back home before the sun goes down. They’ll be getting nervous soon.”

Alya let out a small sigh. “So much for playing Super Penguino together.”

“Hmmm…” Nino’s eyes gleamed. “You know… it’s not night just yet. And I’m sure my parents would understand if I was a few minutes late because I grabbed a bite to eat.”

Grabbed a bite to eat? What was Nino hinting at…?

Alya looked around at their location more closely.

Wait… that blast seemed to have carried them to that one park, the one near-

Alya grinned. “I think my parents will forgive me for not calling in if I bring them fresh-baked treats from the best bakery in Paris.”

---

*ring ring*

The scent of freshly baked bread wafted through the store. 

Instantly Alya felt her shoulders loosen up, releasing tension she didn’t even know she’d had. There was just something so warm and comforting about the bakery.

Of course, a lot of that was due to the people running it. Good luck finding more friendly, caring people than Marinette’s parents. Sabine often checked up on anyone who seemed to be struggling or upset (and ready to protect them if they were - Alya had seen the video of the time a TV crew decided to invade Marinette’s privacy), and Tom was basically a giant teddy bear in human form.

But neither of them were manning the counter today.

Instead a young woman stared back at them.

A very familiar-looking young woman. 

“Marinette?” Alya asked cautiously.

The woman stared at her for a minute. “Alya?” she finally asked. “What happened to you?” She paled. “Did a new supervillain attack? Is that why you and Nino are younger?”

Huh. Weirdly scared reaction from Marinette. They’d all gotten used to supervillains by now. She’d expect an older Marinette to take them in stride even more than the current Marinette.

Hm… an older Marinette, a different time of day, and Marinette not seeming to know about the latest akuma attack? 

“Marinette… what year is it?” 

Marinette blinked for a moment. Her eyes widened.

Seemed Marinette understood what she was getting at.

She told Alya the date.

Her hunch was right. “We’re in the future,” Alya breathed.

A wicked grin slowly spread over her face. 

Five years was a long time. A lot of things could have happened. A lot of information could’ve come to light.

Like Hawkmoth’s identity.

Or more information on the Miraculous.

But most importantly right now-

She leaned in close to Marinette, making sure to keep her voice down, just in case someone else was around in the back. “So did you ever get together with a certain blond-haired, green-eyed model?”

“Uh… what?” Marinette asked, looking puzzled.

Alya snapped her fingers. “Adrien. Did you and Adrien finally get together? Ooooh, if you did you’ve GOTTA tell me how the confession went! Or, no, wait, don’t tell me, I want to get the deets at the time. Just let me know how long I’ve got to wait, girl!”

Marinette just stared at her, slack-jawed. “Adrien… like ADRIEN AGRESTE?!” she said, her volume rising with every word.

Alya’s eyebrows flew up. “Um… yes…?”

She’d thought that Marinette would be glowing about finally getting together with her crush, or dejected about still not being able to spit out what she wanted to say to him, downcast over him rejecting her, or maybe even infuriated because he mistreated her and they subsequently broke up.

(The last one was VERY unlikely though. After the Felix debacle, she’d learned to have a bit more faith in Adrien’s good nature.)

Shock at the concept of dating him? Not something she’d anticipated.

Footsteps echoed from behind Marinette.

So one of Marinette’s parents must’ve been in the back-

Adrien popped his head around the corner.

Seemed both he AND Marinette had aged well. 

Not that Adrien looked all that different. Taller, definitely, maybe with slightly messier hair and… were those earrings? They looked good on him.

“Hey dude!” Nino waved at his best friend. “What’s up?”

“Uh…” Adrien said, scratching the back of his neck.

“WOW those outfits really take the years off, huh?” Marinette said loudly, shoving them out the door. “Make you look smaller than usual. Well we better go talk about plans later okaybye-”

She promptly slammed the door behind them, physically pushing them away from the bakery.

After Marinette had dragged them a good distance away, Alya finally got over her shock, turning around and glaring at her. “What was that about?!” she asked Marinette indignantly, hands on her hips. “You know me, I wasn’t going to spill anything to him. That’s why I was talking so quietly! Why’d you have to do that?!”

Nino frowned, seeming more concerned than annoyed. “Adrien looked really hurt by that. Not cool.”

“There’s nothing to spill!” Marinette protested, gesticulating wildly. “I only met him for the first time two days ago!”

*record scratch*

Two-

Two DAYS ago?!

Ok, hold up.

“Adrien joined our collège class the day after I did! He sits in front of you in class! What’re you TALKING about?!”

“Uh… no…?” Marinette tilted her head to the side, befuddled. “I think I would remember that, even if it was a few years back.” 

Alya let out a bark of laughter. “Yeah, no kidding. He would be uh, difficult for you to forget. Heck, even if your memory was erased, you’ve got so much stuff revolving around him, I couldn’t see that lasting long.”

Marinette blushed. “Why do you think I have a crush on him?! He’s HAWKMOTH’S SON!”

“WHAT?!” Alya and Nino yelled in unison.

“Ladybug and Chat Noir defeated Hawkmoth a couple years ago,” Marinette explained, pulling out her phone.

A moment later she held it up, showing a blog post from the Ladyblog.

Oooh, that’s a nice graphical design. I’ll have to look into updating my site, Alya thought.

Turning her attention to the picture, she squinted. “Hey, can you enlarge the photo?” She asked.

Marinette complied, enlarging it and turning her phone sideways, letting it fill the entire screen. 

Gabriel Agreste being led away in handcuffs by the police, with Ladybug and Chat Noir in the background. Ladybug looked satisfied, with maybe a twinge of melancholy, but Chat Noir…

He stared vacantly ahead, seemingly not focused on anyone or anything, a smile on his face - but the most forced one she’d ever seen.

“What’s wrong with Chat Noir?” 

Marinette frowned, looking troubled. “I don’t know. He seemed really, really upset when Hawkmoth was defeated. It was a tough battle, bad enough that neither of them have returned since, but that doesn’t explain why-”

She trailed off, lost in thought. 

A moment later she looked up, meeting Alya’s eyes.

Immediately she waved her hands around, trying to ward off… something. “I- I mean, that’s what I read on the Ladyblog and what I could piece together from video footage, it’s not like I was there, NOPE. I was huddled in my room the entire time. Not like I have any insight into what Chat Noir was acting like during the battle, not beyond what any other civilian would know! That would be ridiculous, utterly ridiculous!” she let out a few forced guffaws.

Alya’s eyebrows flew up.

O...Kay…?

Maybe Marinette had been following Ladybug and Chat Noir during the final battle and hadn’t wanted anyone to know? She’d wondered whether Marinette might have a thing for Chat Noir, but her crush on Adrien dwarfed any feelings she might have had for him. Plus it’s not like Marinette would actually know Chat Noir, unlike Adrien.

Thinking about Adrien…

“He must’ve been devastated,” she murmured. Marinette looked at her questioningly. “Adrien, I mean,” Alya clarified. “Having your father turn out to be a terrorist? I can’t even imagine.”

Marinette buried her face in her hands. “Not you TOO,” she said, her voice muffled.

Nino slowly started edging his way behind Marinette.

“What’s your problem with Adrien?” Alya asked. “Did he do something?”

Marinette glanced away. “Not… exactly… I just… I’m afraid that it might all be an act. That he might’ve been helping Hawkmoth secretly, and… and even if he wasn’t before, that he might just be biding his time, waiting until he figures out who Ladybug and Chat Noir and then BAM!” she slammed her fist down on her other hand. “He takes them out, steals all the Miraculous, frees his father and rules Paris FOREVER!”

Alya reached out towards Marinette tentatively. She collapsed into Alya’s arms. 

Hugging her tightly, she sang a soft nonsense song, rubbing small circles in Marinette’s back. 

She’d done this a few other times since she’d met Marinette, though she’d never thought she’d do it underneath these circumstances.

Whatever these circumstances actually were.

Did everyone have amnesia or…?

“Do you have any big memory gaps?” Alya asked once Marinette’s breathing had calmed down. “Especially from five years ago?” 

Marinette shook her head. 

She’d shelve that theory for now then. More likely it was…

“An alternate timeline, huh?” Alya said.

Marinette looked up at her questioningly.

“That’s what I think this is,” Alya explained. “I WAS thinking that maybe there’d been some sort of mass amnesia, but if you don’t have any memory gaps - and trust me girl, with how involved you were with Adrien, there WOULD be memory gaps - that seems unlikely. I’m betting this is some sort of alternate universe, one where Adrien never got to go to school.”

“I still don’t get why you think there’s something between me and Adrien!” Marinette said. “I mean sure, he’s pretty, but did I really fall for him just for that?” 

Alya shook her head. “Actually, you hated him at first. Chloe’d been bragging about how he was her friend, and with that on top of you catching him trying to remove the gum Chloe’d planted on your seat and mistaking it for him PLANTING the gum… well… both of us just assumed he was a spoiled rich bully, just like Chloe. Luckily that turned out not to be the case.”

“How’d that misunderstanding get cleared up?” Marinette asked. “And how did your Marinette jump from that to crushing on him?”

Alya grinned. Marinette had ranted about this moment to her SO. MANY. TIMES.

“School let out later that day. It was raining and Marinette had forgotten her umbrella, so she hung back a moment, long enough for Adrien to approach her. At first she looked away from him, not wanting to acknowledge his greeting. But then he told you - told her I mean - that he hadn’t done it, promised that he’d just been trying to take it off with such sincerity that she had no choice but to believe it. He opened up to her, even though she’d been shunning him just moments ago. And finally he gave her his umbrella, just because he could. Because it was the kind thing to do. She’s been a goner ever since.”

The Marinette in her arms looked away. “I can see why she might have developed a crush on him. But I still dunno whether I trust him.”

“I don’t know whether I have anything that could convince you on that,” Alya admitted, “especially since this is probably a different timeline, and for all I know he could be evil here. Just make sure that you’re judging him on his own merits, okay? Not who he’s associated with. Not his fault he has so many crappy people in his life.”

“I’ll… take it under consideration,” Marinette said reluctantly. 

Marinette looked from side to side. “Where’d Nino go?”

“Oh, he snuck back into the bakery several minutes ago.”

“WHAT?!”

---

Nino opened the door to the bakery, letting out a small sigh of relief. He really wanted to check in on his best friend, and judging by Marinette’s behavior, she wasn’t exactly keen on him or Alya chatting with Adrien.

Thinking back on what he’d just heard, he frowned. 

He wished he could say that he’d never have suspected that Gabriel was Hawkmoth.

That he didn’t think Adrien’s old man could ever be capable of such evil.

But he knew better.

The guy threatened to withdraw Adrien from school and isolate him from everyone else at the drop of a hat, paid little attention to his son when he was at home, and was a very negative influence on his life in general. He might have been grieving, but… so was Adrien. He needed the only parent he had left.

And instead Gabriel had chosen to respond by becoming a supervillain and terrorizing Paris, endangering his own son in the process.

He really wished he’d gotten to hit Hawkmoth with his turtle shield more. At least he got to relish the smack he got in.

“You’re back!” 

Nino looked towards the voice.

Adrien walked closer to him, a tentative grin on his face. “I didn’t think you’d return so soon!”

“I had to come back to talk to my best friend,” Nino said.

“Best friend?” Adrien asked, blank-faced.

Oh, right. According to Marinette, Adrien hadn’t joined their class. She hadn’t even met Adrien until recently. 

Had some sort of memory-wiping akuma attacked? Wouldn’t have been the first time. 

“Do you know who I am?” Nino asked, pointing at himself.

Adrien rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh… well I know you’re friends with the Ladyblogger and Marinette, and… sorry, that’s it.”

He looked really apologetic, like a dog who’d ripped up a bunch of toilet paper and acted guilty about it once caught.

Hm. If it had been a memory-erasing akuma, maybe he could jog Adrien’s memory…?

And even if it wasn’t, he wanted to let Adrien know that someplace, somewhere, people cared about him. If Marinette’s reaction to him was any indication, he’d need that reassurance. Being looked at with suspicion, having people run from you just because of who your dad was, thinking that you might’ve been involved in his crimes… he couldn’t imagine.

“You joined our class the day after Hawkmoth first attacked,” Nino told him, pulling out his phone.

Adrien shook his head, looking confused. “Uh… no? I wanted to, I REALLY wanted to go to school, but Father-”

He cut himself off, looking away.

“Marinette said the same thing,” Nino told him. “That you hadn’t enrolled in our class, that she’d only met you recently. I don't know what that’s about, whether everyone’s memories were wiped, or an akuma messed with the past, or what.”

Come on, come on, where was it- ah!

He clicked on a photo, one taken a few months ago, holding his phone up so his friend could get a better look.

Adrien squinted for a moment. His eyes widened. “That’s-!”

Nino nodded. “Our class photo. The official one, anyway.” He chuckled. “I liked our unofficial ones better.” Swiping to the side, he showed the new ones the class had taken at the park. 

Adrien’s jaw dropped more with every new photo. He let out an involuntary bark of laughter at the one of himself, Nino, Kim, and Juleka posing. “I- I always wanted to mess around like that at photoshoots,” Adrien said. His voice trembled slightly. “But I wouldn’t be able to get away with it. And that’s mostly fun when you can share it with friends, at least share the picture, and I- I couldn’t. Chloe wouldn’t have appreciated it, and L-”

He cut himself off, shaking his head.

“Luka?” Nino asked. 

He didn’t know why Adrien would know Luka and not anybody else, but he seemed the most likely option.

“Uh…” Adrien scratched the back of his neck, looking away.

Hm, he’d have to see if he had- ah!

“You played in Kitty Section too, with Luka, Rose, Ivan, and Juleka.” Nino explained, clicking on the video. 

Adrien’s hands shook as Nino handed him the phone, watching the mini-concert.

“I- I was allowed to- I got to-” Adrien’s voice quavered. 

“Not at first.” Nino grimaced, remembering how bummed Adrien had sounded when he called him. “Your old man said that Agrestes were soloists, and that we were all bad influences.”

“HE was the bad influence,” Adrien said. A current of anger, of venom ran through his voice that Nino had never heard before. 

“Well I already knew that, even before finding out he was Hawkmoth,” Nino said, making a face. “Dude needed to chill out.”

Adrien snorted. “If he had any ‘chill’ he wouldn’t have decided that becoming a supervillain was the best way to heal my mother.”

Oh.

So THAT was why Gabriel had done it.

He’d just thought it was standard ‘I’m an asshole and want to rule the world while being a jackass to everyone in my life’ behavior.

(He still wasn’t going to rule out that being a factor.)

Nino put a hand on Adrien’s shoulder sympathetically. “At least he’s gone now and you’re free, right?”

“Right,” Adrien said. He didn’t meet Nino’s eyes.

“Not you TOO,” Marinette had said, burying her face in her hands.

As if she found it exasperating that Alya sympathized with Adrien. As if she had expected differently. 

Those worries she’d voiced as Nino had been tiptoeing away, about Adrien helping Hawkmoth, about him lying in wait, biding his time… Marinette probably wasn’t the only one to have that concern. And with Adrien’s face being as well-known as it was...

“You AREN’T free, are you?” Nino asked, eyes wide.

Adrien sighed. “I was as surprised as everyone else when I found out who Hawkmoth was. That someone who’s caused that much harm, that much trauma to this city, lived in my own house.” He clenched his fists, digging into his jean’s fabric. “I could barely believe it… no… I didn’t WANT to believe it.”

He took a deep breath, steadying himself. “I- I only remember snippets from right after his arrest. The police chief talking to me. Riding back to the station. It’s all a blur. Everything felt like I was processing it underwater. It was all so blurry and muffled. Even- even then, though, I could feel everyone’s accusing stares.” “I understand why, don’t get me wrong,” he cut in hurriedly. “Who wouldn’t be suspicious of the son of the terrorist who’s been making everyone’s life miserable for the past four years?” Adrien almost panted with exertion, his eyes wild. “And- and it was happening in my own house! Underneath my nose! I should have KNOWN! I could’ve stopped this!” 

Reaching out, Nino pulled his friend into a hug. 

Adrien stiffened for a moment, before melting into his embrace.

“It’s his fault, not yours,” Nino murmured. “Remember that, dude. He was the adult. He was your parent. Your ONLY remaining parent. I’ve met the guy. And I’ve heard you talk about what he’s like. If you had investigated more?” Nino shuddered, thinking about the disproportionate punishments the bastard had enacted. “And knowing he was HAWKMOTH on top of that? I’m kinda glad you didn’t. Yeah, maybe you could’ve ended things sooner. Or maybe he would’ve hurt you more before you had the chance. I’m just glad you survived.”

“I-” Adrien’s throat sounded tight. “I’m- I’m glad I survived too.”

They stood there for a moment, Nino feeling Adrien’s breath go in-and-out, his heartbeat racing, until it gradually started to slow.

*ring ring*

Adrien and Nino broke up their hug just as Marinette burst through the door, Alya on her heels. She skidded to a halt in front of Adrien - but not quite in time, sending her careening towards the floor.

She never made contact.

“Woah!” Adrien shouted, catching her in his arms.

Nino detected a hint of pink to Marinette’s cheeks before she abruptly sprang to her feet.

“So, uh,” Marinette said awkwardly. “I’m guessing Nino talked to you about some stuff. I mean, of course he talked to you about stuff, because that’s what talking is about. What- what I mean is, what were you two talking about?”

“I wanted to show him how much we care about him,” Nino told her. “Especially since with this… amnesia?”

“I think it’s an alternate timeline,” Alya said. 

“Especially since in this timeline,” Nino continued, “it really doesn’t seem like he had anyone.”

“I had a couple other friends,” Adrien told him quietly, giving a melancholic smile. “But I lost contact with them right after Hawkmoth’s defeat.”

Noticing Nino’s frown, he hastily added, “they didn’t abandon me or anything! They were online friends. One moved somewhere without internet reception, and the other... we never knew each other’s names. But we talked all the time. We chatted, laughed, defeated villains together…”

“In the video games we played, of course!” he added after a moment. He chuckled fondly. “We played as a team. Together, we were unstoppable, no matter what our opponent threw at us.”

Adrien swallowed. “But in the aftermath of Hawkmoth’s defeat, with all the turmoil, with everything that happened… I lost my means of contacting her. I- I don’t know whether I’ll ever get to see her again.”

“We’d promised to meet up after Hawkmoth’s defeat,” Adrien said. His voice cracked. “That- that once it was safer in Paris, we’d finally tell our names.”

His eyes dropped to the ground. “Instead, we lost each other. Maybe for good.”

“I know what that’s like,” Marinette said. She sounded strangely distant. “I had a friend like that too. I cared about him. A lot. Maybe… maybe even as more than a friend.” She said the last part haltingly, as if she’d only just admitted it to herself. “He- he wanted to know who I was. For me to know who he was. But- but I couldn’t do that. Not in Hawkmoth’s Paris. I already cared for him so much it ached. If I was closer to him than that- if I’d accepted his rose- I’m- I’m afraid Hawkmoth might’ve used the strength of those feelings against me. That I could’ve gotten akumatized, or he might’ve, and if we knew who each other was, knew WHERE the other one was… I just… I couldn’t accept that we might be sent to hurt each other.”

“We talked while the final battle was raging,” she continued. “He seemed really upset, more angry than I’ve ever seen him before, but… also kind of sad. I wanted to know what was wrong, but there wasn’t really time to press him. And after that battle he just… disappeared. I knew there was going to be some sort of disruption, but- but I’d thought we’d have more time to talk beforehand, that we’d be able to exchange new contact information. We were cut off before we had the chance.”

“I- I think of him every day,” she said quietly. “Wondering how he’s doing. He was always so positive, no matter what life threw at us. I hope that wherever he is, whatever he’s doing, he hasn’t lost that positivity, that optimism, the ability to see the best in the world and in others.”

“I’m sure he’d be happy to know you cared for him so much,” Adrien said, giving her a warm smile.

Marinette blinked, giving herself a small shake. She turned to Alya. “I dunno whether you’ll remember any of this after the Ladybug in your time restores anything, but on the off-chance you do, is there anything you need to know?”

“Oh!” Alya pulled up some footage. “You told me who Hawkmoth was, but what about Mayura?”

“Mayura?” 

“Who?”

Alya snapped her fingers. “You know, the Peacock Miraculous wielder, the one summoning the sentimonsters! Did she not exist in this universe?”

She pulled up part of the fight against Mayura, the sentimonster Ladybug, and Hawkmoth.

The video ended, she took another glance at Marinette and Adrien.

Marinette seemed to be in shock, staring straight ahead.

Adrien frowned, thinking. “I’d wondered for a long time how Father managed to hide his supervillain activities from Nathalie, considering she was around him most of the time. I thought maybe she was just really good at never asking questions.”

He grimaced. “Looking at that? I’m betting she didn’t ask questions because she already knew the answers.”

“You think Mayura’s Nathalie?” Alya questioned.

He nodded. “Unless something’s different in your universe. My father doesn’t have a lot of associates, and the way he acted around Mayura there, how he was willing to pass up a chance to fight Ladybug for her Miraculous in exchange for catching her… the only people I can think of who he’d do that for are my mother and Nathalie, and mom…” he trailed off.

“I- I didn’t even think about that,” Marinette said guiltily. “I remember reading something about Gabriel having a secretary, but I didn’t think about her much beyond that.”

“Maybe you could ask this universe’s Alya to post something on the Ladyblog, telling Ladybug and Chat Noir she has a lead on who Mayura is?” Alya said. “I mean, I know they haven’t shown up in ages, but maybe that’s just because they haven’t had reason to.”

Marinette winced. “I… really don’t think that’s it… plus Ladybug and Chat Noir never said that someone was helping Hawkmoth. Mayura never appeared, at least in public. I don’t know what we can do about this right now, especially without proof. Maybe if Ladybug and Chat Noir appeared, but…”

She sounded doubtful. Alya was beginning to think that the final battle was even worse than Marinette had alluded to.

She hesitated a moment, before turning to Adrien. “I- I think I owe you an apology. I thought you might’ve been helping Hawkmoth, but… well… I was just judging you by who your dad was. You’ve been nothing but sweet and kind.”

Adrien smiled at her, though it was slightly strained. “It’s fine. I’m used to it. A lot of people in this city have suffered at Hawkmoth’s hands. I don’t blame them for being scared, or angry at any reminders of him.”

“That doesn’t make it RIGHT,” Marinette said heatedly.

Nino nodded. “Dude just because something’s done to you it doesn’t mean it’s justified, or that it shouldn’t be made better. Like with your old man forbidding parties. I didn’t let that stop me from bribing your bodyguard into letting me and the other guys throw a party at your place for you!”

He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “It kinda escalated though. I think half the guys at Paris were partying in your room by the end!”

Alya gave Nino a sideways look. “And ONLY the guys because they ditched us girls while we were planting trees with a lame excuse. Seriously if you’d said you wanted to throw a party for Adrien while his dad was away, you could’ve just told us!”

Nino winced. “Yeah, my bad. At least we got to have fun there for a while before the akuma attack.”

“Akuma attack?” Adrien asked, eyes wide. “But I thought you said Father was gone!”

“He was- OOOOOOOH.”

“Yeeaaaah I don’t think he was actually gone,” Alya said. “You threw a ‘secret’ party in Hawkmoth’s house, WHILE he was still at home.”

Adrien gaped at Nino. “How’re you not DEAD?!”

Nino chuckled. “Lucky I guess?”

*twinkle twinkle*

A familiar red mass flew towards Alya and Nino.

Adrien’s eyes widened. 

“Behind the portrait!” he blurted out, just as the two of them were enveloped by the ladybugs, spiriting them off to whence they came.

It was silent for a moment.

“Do you think they heard?” Adrien asked Marinette.

“I hope so,” she said, looking off in the direction the ladybugs flew.

She turned to him. “I was planning on setting up some hang out time with Alya and Nino later this week. If you’re not busy… would you like to join?”

His smile told her everything she needed to know.

[mochegato]

Truth Be Told

This night was not turning out how she had thought it would turn out… Actually, up until a few minutes ago, it wasn’t much different from how she thought it would go.  She hadn’t been holding out much hope for the guy Rose had set her up with.  They did not have similar vetting styles or criteria.  So despite Rose’s most heartfelt hopes, the date with an overly sugary prick, oozing with fake charm and inauthentic compliments, was a complete flop and yet completely expected. 

While that man was annoying, he was not the cause of her current frustration.  No the current frustration was the man that had attempted to grab her as she walked home, her stilettos in her hand, because truthfully, she’d rather risk the dirty sidewalks of Gotham than the pain and blisters wearing those for another twelve blocks would cause.

She’d kept an eye on the man for the last block as he followed her, getting slowly closer and closer in a vain attempt not to alert her.  Joke was on him, she was always on alert.  But she wasn’t positive he was actually a threat.  Lots of people in Gotham were creepy, it didn’t mean they were a threat. 

When he finally grabbed her arm, she twisted immediately hitting him in the face with one of the stilettos.  He screamed in pain, bringing his hand up to his face.  She took advantage of his momentarily distraction to run.  She was confident in her fighting abilities, but there was always a chance for him to get a lucky hit in and a fight avoided if possible was safer than a fight engaged… or something like that.

He took advantage of his greater size and lunged at her before she could get out of his range.  He jerked her back with such strength and force, she couldn’t stop him or brace herself.  She fell as he pulled, dropping her shoes as she did.  He angrily swung for her head as she laid on the ground.  She rolled out of the way just in time and heard the crunch as his fist connected with the concrete.

She took a breath and stood up, moving behind him to punch him hard in his kidney.  He crumpled to the ground, gasping for breath.  She took advantage of his position to knee him in the face, breaking his nose.  He groaned in pain and cradled his nose.  Marinette paused for just a second to take a breath before running again.  The ogre moved quicker than she had expected and grabbed her arm with his good hand, yanking her to him.  She used the momentum to drive her palm into his chin.  He staggered back a few steps, giving her enough room to kick him in the chest.  He fell back against the building next to them, hitting his head on the bricks with a sickening smack and slid down the wall, crumpling into a pile at the bottom.

Marinette edged closer to him to see if he was still alive, tensing as she got closer, ready to bolt if he so much as twitched.  She breathed a sigh of relief feeling a strong pulse and let herself relax for a moment.  Her whole body immediately tensed again as she heard a sound of something dropping behind her.  She slowly turned around to see a figure with a red bat across his broad chest a few feet away from her.  Her body relaxed minutely at the sight.  He was one of the bats.  One of the more violent ones, if she remembered correctly, but only against people who hurt kids.

She watched nervously as Red Hood sauntered slowly up to her.  He stopped a few feet away from her, looming threateningly over her.  He stared at her silently for a few moments, or at least she assumed that’s what he was doing.  It was rather hard to make out where exactly he was looking with his mask on.  She just barely stopped herself from jumping when he lifted his hand out to her, holding her shoes.  She looked at them dumbly for a few seconds before finally taking them with a quiet “Thanks.”

He didn’t react, or maybe he did, she just couldn’t see it under the mask, which was doing nothing to calm her.  Finally after she’d gotten her shoes back on he decided to break the silent, looming, threatening presence aura.  “That was amazing,” he gushed out.

Her eyes widened at the comment and snapped up to the mask’s eyes.  Of all the things she had been anticipating, that was not one of them.  “Uh… Thanks,” she answered uncertainly.  She studied him for a moment and realized he hadn’t been sauntering earlier, he had been staggering and now he was swaying as he stood turned.  “Are you… um… are you okay?  You’re kind of…” she motioned to his body.

Red Hood tore his eyes away from her eyes, with great force of will to examine his body for what she meant.  He stumbled as he tried to check himself for injuries.  He was fine.  He hadn’t even been involved in this fight and Scarecrow’s goons hadn’t landed almost any of their hits.  He was perfectly fine.  He looked back up to meet her eyes again and cocked his head to the side for a moment.  Her eyes were blue but he couldn’t quite tell the shade with his mask on.  The filters in the mask were making them appear slightly different than they really were and he needed to see her eyes properly.

Marinette failed to stop herself from jumping slightly when his hands moved lightning quick to remove his helmet to see her better.  Marinette gasped at his freshly exposed face.  “Should you be doing th…”

“Wow… you’re fucking hot,” he grinned.  He had definitely made the right decision removing the helmet.  He could see her much better without it. He could now make out the rosy hue on her cheeks at his comment and the exact bluebell shade of her eyes.  He had been right.  She was even more gorgeous without the filter.

“Um… thanks,” she gave him a nervous smile.  What the fuck was happening right now?  “So are you.”

“I am,” he nodded in agreement.  “But you’re hotter.  I’m Jason.”  He reached his hand out to shake hers.

Marinette drew in a breath and clenched her lips closed.  Her eyes turned concerned.  “Oh, you definitely shouldn’t be doing that,” she tried to lightly chastise him, but he was looking at her with such an earnest, hopeful expression she couldn’t help but smile at him and take his hand.  “Hi.”

“Hi,” Jason… should she call him Jason or Red Hood.  She really shouldn’t know his name… but she did so… Jason said again breathlessly.

“Hi,” Nightwing added loudly from behind Jason, breaking their moment.  Marinette yanked her hand back and looked back and forth between the two.

Jason groaned loudly and shook his head.  He looked up to the sky for a moment, but quickly returned his focus to Marinette.  “Oh fuck off, Dickhead.  I’m working here.”

“So the body is yours?” Nightwing prodded.

“No,” Jason grinned proudly at her.  “It’s hers.”

Marinette gave Jason a panicked look before switching to look at Nightwing again.  “He attacked me and I stopped him.  He’s still alive.  I checked.”

“Yes you did,” Jason confirmed delightedly.

Nighwing tapped his ear piece and knelt next to the body, examining it.  “Oracle, can you send police to my location, please?  We have an unconscious body.  Looks like he’ll need a medic too.”  He nodded at whatever was said in his earpiece and took a beat to collect himself before walking up to them slowly, watching them analytically as if trying to assess the situation.  “You okay, ma’am?”  He asked with a guarded tone.  Marinette looked over to Jason who rolled his eyes at her and looked away in annoyance at Nightwing’s interruption.  Marinette looked back to Nightwing and nodded slowly.

“Glad to hear it.  Sorry about Hood,” he grinned charmingly at Marinette in a manner she was sure was supposed to lull her into a sense of calm and trust, but after an entire dinner of smarmy smiles, Nightwing’s grated on her instead.  Jason’s earnest smile however… that was something else. 

Despite Jason’s previous insult, Nighwing continued walking closer until he was close enough to throw his arm over Jason’s shoulder.  “Scarecrow had a particularly potent drug and Red Hood got hit with it a few times.  So Hood could have been saying absolutely any crazy thing.  I’m honestly surprised he can even walk right now.”

Marinette caught on quickly.  This was Nightwing’s way of mediating potential security breaches, in case Jason had done anything that could compromise his and their identities, like removing his helmet and telling her his name.  Marinette could sympathize with the attempt after her years of trying to manage the miraculous identities secret, but he’d come with his fake smile and fake concern and she was done with fake people today.  So, mess with him it was.  “So I shouldn’t have taken him saying I was cute seriously?” she asked innocently.

Nightwing paused for just a second.  If Marinette hadn’t been watching, she would have missed it.  “No!  No,” he stuttered.  “I mean, it doesn’t STOP him from saying true things.  And that certainly is true.  It just…”

Jason finally tore his intense gaze away from Marinette to whirl on Dick and shove him away, which was actually quite lucky for Jason, as the shoving motion is the only thing that countered his momentum and kept him from falling.  “Stop hitting on the woman I’m hitting on,” he hissed at Nightwing.  Nightwing gasped at seeing Jason’s naked face, not even a domino mask to hide his identity.

Jason twirled back toward her, but overcorrected and turned past her.  He had to slowly turn back until he faced her and pointed his finger at her accusatorily.  “And I didn’t say you were cute.  I said you were fucking hot and you are.” He smiled proudly at his statement.

Marinette giggled both at Jason’s bluntness and the horror on Nightwing’s face.  She raised her hands in surrender, letting Jason take the win.  He nodded smugly at her acquiescence. 

“Okay Romeo, let’s get you home,” Nightwing said, clapping Jason on the back and not so subtly pushing him past Marinette and down the sidewalk, or at least attempting to. 

Jason swayed back toward Marinette, raising his arm to balance himself just high enough that it landed perfectly on Nightwing’s shoulder in a way that would have been considered smooth if it had been in anyway intentional rather than sheer dumb luck.  “Dickweed, if you stop me from getting her number I’m going to fill all of your uniforms with itching powder,” Jason growled threateningly.  He leaned in closer to Nightwing until their faces were a few inches apart.  “ALL OF THEM.  If she’s willing to give me her number, I’m going to take it.”

“And what good would her number do Red Hood?” Nightwing gritted out pointedly.

Jason blinked and pulled his head back clumsily.  “Don’t know.  But it’ll do Jason Todd a lot of fucking good.”  He smiled roguishly at Marinette.  “And if I’m extremely lucky, maybe eventually, some good fucking too.” 

Marinette sputtered at him completely exposing his identity and his honest admission of his intentions, her mouth dropped.  Nightwing groaned.

Jason moved closer to her, trying to keep his steps measured and graceful.  It didn’t really work, but it reduced the stumbling.  “I never did catch your name, Helen might come close but couldn’t match.”

She blinked a few times to catch up with the rapid change in tone and quirked her head to the side.  “Helen?”

He nodded slowly at her, his eyes still focused solely on her.  “Of Troy.  Face that launched a thousand ships.  Surely yours could launch a million.”  His voice was reverent and his smile had softened becoming affectionate rather than roguish.

“Oh my God," she giggled, an incredulous smile settling on her face.  "Is he like this when sober?”

“Not with me,” Nightwing said rolling his eyes, or at least she thought that’s what he was doing under the domino mask.  His entire head rolled as he did it.  “But he is usually pretty blunt,” he acknowledged.  “But with the serum added in…”  He trailed off, letting her fill in the gaps.  Nightwing looked back over at Marinette appraisingly.  “Look…”

“Marinette,” she supplied.

“Marinette…” Jason repeated.  He let the name linger on his tongue.  “That’s a beautiful name.  Epic poems could be written about that name and that smile.”

Her cheeks reddened and she had to look away from the intensity of Jason’s stare.  She shook her head and coughed to try to calm her heart.  She raised an eyebrow at Nightwing.  “So I take it that it was a truth serum?”  The deep sigh Nightwing let out was confirmation enough for Marinette.

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that you are sexy as fuck,” Jason interrupted her.

Marinette, whose mouth had been open to continue her thought, snapped it shut with an audible clap and turned bright red.

Nightwing choked and tried to cough to cover it.  “Jesus, Jason.  Take it down a notch or ten.”

Jason shrugged at him, smiling proudly at Marinette’s expression.  “Equal and opposite flirting rule.”

“Excuse me?” Marinette interrupted.  Because that sounded like he was flirting to the same level she was and she had definitely NOT been flirting at that level or at all.  Damn, she needed to up her flirting game.  She opened her mouth to say something but snapped it shut quickly.  Now was not the time.  He was drugged out of his mind.  She was not going to hit on someone who was buzzed beyond belief.

“The level of flirting exhibited shall match the level of awesomeness of the subject of the flirting,” Jason explained calmly, still smiling his soft smile at her.  And honestly, if he kept that up, she was going to rescind her stance on flirting back at him.

Marinette stared at him for a few seconds “Uhhh,” she started, internally groaning at her very intelligent response.  Eloquent conversation?  Nailed it.  Very deserving of the ‘awesome’ title.

She blinked a few times and turned to Nightwing.  “I understand the value of a secret identity.  I assume you won’t take my word on it, but perhaps you could take a fellow hero’s word?”  Nightwing raised an inquisitive eyebrow at her.  “You’re part of the Justice League, right?  You can check with Ladybug.  She’ll vouch for me.”

“Ooohhh,” Jason suddenly let out, moving in between her and Nightwing.  “Ladybug!  She’s fucking hot too and so amazing.  Almost as much as you.  You fight like that without a magic suit to help.  That’s so impressive.”  Marinette could feel her cheeks grow even redder.  If this kept up, her face was going to be as red as her mask, and there would be no hiding her identity.  “You’re friends with her?” Jason continued, oblivious to her inner turmoil.  “Batman won’t let me meet her.  Are all your friends as hot and amazing as you?” 

“I’ll check with her the next time I see her,” Nightwing confirmed over Jason, putting his arm around his waist again to guide him down the street.

Marinette nodded at him.  “It was nice meeting you two.”

“Wait,” Jason lunged out of Nightwing’s arm toward her, nearly knocking her down.  “I didn’t get your number.”

Marinette looked to Nightwing.  “Uh… I don’t think your… teammate wants me to do that.”

“Ignore that happiness killing asshole.  Dick has always been like that.  Besides, we’ll need your number to keep an eye on you, right?  I volunteer,” he grinned brightly.

Marinette opened her mouth and shut it again.  She determinedly refused to look at Nightwing, Dick apparently, and focused on Jason, fixing him with a pointed stare.  “If I give you my number, will you stop giving me personal secrets?  Yours and your other partners’?”

“My brothers?”  Marinette’s eyes snapped to Nightwing’s this time.

Nightwing slapped himself on the forehead.  “Little Wing…” he groaned.

“Yes your brothers’.  And go home and sleep this off?” she continued.

“Yes I will.  Although I’d sleep better if I knew you were there too, watching over me,” he added earnestly.

“No, you wouldn’t.”  She pulled out a sheet of paper to write it on but he shoved his phone in her hands instead. 

“Just put it directly in here,” he offered instead.

She closed her eyes and sighed.  She looked over to Nightwing for guidance, but he shrugged at her, defeat clear in his slumped shoulders.

“I definitely would,” he countered her.  He turned toward Nightwing.  “You should have seen her take out that thug when he tried to grab her.  She was amazing,” he sighed out dreamily.  “She knocked his ass out.  Hey!” he perked up as if suddenly realizing something.  “She’s a knock out who knocked his ass out!”  He turned back toward her and leaned on Nightwing in a daze.  “I think I’m in love.”

“I am so sorry about him,” Nightwing looked at her pleadingly.

Marinette waved him off and put her name and number in Jason’s phone.  “Truthfully?  Significantly more honest, respectful, and romantic than the date I had tonight or in the past… while, so… Have him give me a call tomorrow if he still feels the same.”

“Oh I will,” Jason grinned at her, taking his phone back and laughing at the (Helen) she’d put next to her name.  “It was nice meeting you Marinette.  It was the highlight of my week.”

Marinette grinned and pushed up to kiss him on his cheek.  “Mine too.  Now put on your helmet before you out yourself to anyone else.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Jason nodded.  He put his helmet on as she walked away, but rubbed the area of his helmet over his cheek where she had kissed him, a goofy smile on his face.  He would definitely call her in the morning.  He would make sure he remembered.  He wasn’t stupid enough to let someone like her get away.

Continued in Well, Well, Well, If It Isn’t the Consequences of My Actions

@boldlyanxious

[study-coffee-chicago]

Stupid Game (A Halstead brothers + Halstead! sister imagine)

If you've read Someone I Used to Know by Patty Blount, you'll understand where I drew the inspiration from. Warning: includes sexual harassment and threats of sexual assault.

Fifteen days. Fifteen days left of this stupid and terrifying game. You could get through fifteen more days of their stupid game, after all, you were already halfway through. But, seeing as it was halfway done, they'd start to get more desperate. You needed something on you, anything. Pepperspray, mace, a knife, a razor blade--

"Y/N," you were snapped out of your thoughts by your brother, Jay, saying your name. "What are you doing up? I thought you had online first block today?" he asked as he poured himself a cup of coffee and grabbed a box of cereal from the cupboard.

"I do," you answered, stirring the peanut butter into your oatmeal once more. "Just wanted to get up and get some math homework done," you lied.

"You didn't do it last night?" Jay asked, raising an eyebrow at you as he sat down across from you.

"I know, I should've done it. But I was frustrated that I couldn't figure it out and figured maybe looking at it in the morning with fresh eyes would help."

"Fair enough."

"You're not mad I procrastinated?" That was one thing both he and Will agreed on when it came to you and school: procrastinating and not getting your assignments done was unacceptable. They said they didn't care about grades as long as you didn't fail-- and you weren't, you were getting all A's and B's-- but they did care about you trying your absolute best.

Jay shook his head. "No, sounds like you got it all figured out." He looked at his watch. "I gotta go. I'm gonna be late. See you when I get home."

Jay stood up and put his bowl and mug into the dishwasher. "Will you be home for dinner?" you asked...which was really code for if he was going to cook or if you were fending for yourself.

"I don't know. We don't have an ongoing case, so depends on today's case." You opened your mouth to ask if you could order takeout when he stopped you. "And, yes, you can get takeout. I just expect the receipt and change."

"I know, I know. Now, go save Chicago," you said, shooing him out the door.

"It's a team effort," he replied.

"Yeah, yeah. Say hi to Hailey for me."

"Will do!" he yelled to you over his shoulder.

You waited another five minutes until you knew that Jay wasn't coming back before starting your mission. You went into Jay's room and opened his closet. After peering at all the shelves, you had almost given up, when a piece of cardboard on the top shelf caught your eye.

"Gonna need a chair for this," you mumbled and then made your way back into the kitchen and dragged a chair into Jay's room.

After moving a few things, you pulled the box down and set it on the floor. "What are you hiding in here, Jay?" you asked yourself, having never seen this box. You knew it was Jay's though because J. Halstead was written on the side in black permanent marker.

Slowly, you opened the box, as if scared something was going to jump out at you or Jay was miraculously going to appear and tell you not to open it. But, neither of those two things happened.

"Holy shit," you muttered as you opened the box. You thought this stuff was stored away in a storage locker, but it was here all along.

Inside the box was Jay's military uniform, all folded up, along with his dog tags and a few pictures from his time overseas. You felt like you were looking at one of Jay's most intimate secrets, just by looking at this stuff. You wondered who in those pictures came home and who didn't. There was also a small leather journal, and tied to the side of it was a knife.

You picked up the journal and untied the knife from it. You'd be lying if you said that opening the journal and reading it hadn't crossed your mind. But, you viewed your brother as a war hero, and if there was anything in there that would change that view, you didn't want to know. You also knew he had seen some horrific things over there, not that he had ever given you any specific details on the missions, you just knew because of how hard some cases hit him, especially kid cases.

So, you placed everything back into the box just like you found it and put it back on the shelf. Except for the knife, that you kept.

It felt heavy in your hands. The red handle was faded, probably from all the sand that had rubbed against it overseas. You ran a finger over the blade, a little dull from not being sharpened in all these years.

You jumped as your phone alarm went off, alerting you that you had half an hour before you had to leave. You turned it off and placed the knife in your pocket. Then, you dragged the chair back to the kitchen and continued to get ready for school, the extra protection you now had would make you feel more protected for these next fifteen days, that you were sure of.

With the knife safely placed in your backpack half an hour later, you headed off to school.

***

Jay furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at his phone. Your school was calling him, which was odd. The only reason he thought that they'd be calling was that you didn't show up, you weren't a troublemaker like he was when he was in high school. The stakes were higher now, so you couldn't afford to mess up.

"Sarge, I gotta take this. It's Y/N's school," he said and then proceeded to walk to an interrogation room for some privacy in case the call was serious.

"Jay Halstead," Jay said as he answered.

"Mr. Halstead this is Ben White, principal of Central Chicago High School. I have Y/N in my office right now and I would appreciate it if you could come down here."

"Is she in trouble?" Jay asked, knowing if it were anything other than that, he would have told him.

There was a pause on the other end of the line as the principal tried to figure out what to say. "Somewhat. I'll explain more in person."

"Okay, thank you. I'll be there in twenty minutes."

He hung up the phone and exited the interrogation room and went back into the bullpen to grab his keys and coat.

"Everything okay?" Voight asked.

"Not really. Y/N got in trouble at school, so I gotta go talk to her principal."

"What'd she do?" Kevin asked.

"Don't know yet, said he'll explain when I get there."

"Just don't be too hard on her. She's a good kid, Jay."

"I know, which is why I'm shocked that she's in trouble at all."

Hailey placed a hand on his shoulder. "Just call me if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay."

***

When Jay walked into the principal's office, it was just like he remembered it from when he was in trouble in high school. Most of his were for a few fistfights at lunch or just not doing his homework. Hell, when he looked at you, you were in the same position he was always in whenever your guys' mom or dad had to come to pick him up: hands in your lap, head down, and eyes trained on the floor like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"Mr. Halstead, take a seat," Mr. White motioned for him to sit in the other empty seat facing his desk.

"Please, call me Jay. Mr. Halstead's my father. Now, what's this about?" he asked, looking between you and the principal to see which one of you would be the one to tell him.

"Well, as you know we have a very strict no-weapons policy at the school. And, well, your sister, this fell out of her locker."

At this, you looked up, wanting to gauge Jay's reaction. Something flashed across his eyes for a moment, and then anger took over a few seconds later. "A knife? Really? And my Ranger's knife at that?"

"I'm sorry," you mumbled. But, you couldn't tell him what was going on. After all, it's not like the school would do anything about it, which wasn't for lack of trying because oh people had tried alright.

Jay took a deep breath, not wanting to blow up at you in front of anyone. "Why do you even have it?"

When you didn't answer him, he turned to your principal. "She said that she was snooping through your stuff, and she found the knife, thought it was cool, and wanted to show it to her friends."

Now, snooping, Jay could see. But showing a knife to your friends? Even having a remote interest in any type of weapon? Well, that just wasn't you and you both knew that. But, he knew you wouldn't tell him the real reason unless you were alone, even then it was a long shot.

"I see," Jay nodded. "Let's not beat around the bush here. What kind of trouble is she in?"

"Well, typically we have to call the cops on this type of stuff, but I figured since you were a cop, that this would do. Typically, there's also a three to five day suspension that comes with these things, but seeing everything she's gone through in the past years and that she has outstanding grades and never has even had a detention, I'm going to let her off with a warning. She just has to go home for the rest of the day," Mr. White answered.

"And this won't be on her record?" Jay asked.

"This won't be on her record," Mr. White confirmed.

"What do you say, Y/N?" Jay asked.

"I'm sorry," you apologized, looking up once again.

"And?"

"And it won't happen again." Jay cleared his throat, telling you that you forgot something. "Sir," you added quickly.

It was always something your dad had taught Jay and Will when they got in trouble, that they had to use either sir or ma'am in the apology. Up until today, you never had to use it, but here you were. There's a first time for everything.

"I'm sure it won't," Mr. White said.

"I'm gonna go get my stuff," you said to Jay before leaving the principal's office.

Jay rubbed a hand down his face and sighed. Then, he turned back to Ben White. "I'm really sorry about this. I don't know why she'd do anything like this. This isn't like her--"

"Jay, she's been through a lot," he sympathized. "She's probably just acting out. Every teenager goes through that. We both know you did."

Mr. White was a young teacher back when Jay and Will were in high school, and he got to see some of Jay's fights first hand. He even had to rip him off a kid once in the cafeteria.

"Hey, they were always for good reasons...And, I always won."

"Now that you're not a student anymore, I can agree with that statement." He heard the door to the main office open. "Just, don't be too hard on her, okay?"

Jay nodded and stood up and left the office. Now he had to deal with his sister and try to figure out what was actually the real cause of this.

***

You started to run up the stairs but were stopped quickly by Jay's stern voice. "No, come back down here. We're going to talk about this."

You sighed, knowing you were going to be in deep shit from him since you got nothing from the school. You handed him your phone, but surprisingly, he handed it back to you.

"I get to keep my phone?"

"You do, but that's only because I'm letting you drive to and from school and that's it. You go to school and you come straight home. No stopping for coffee, donuts, fries, nothing. I need you to have your phone on you in case you get in an accident." You nodded, knowing his logic was sound.

"How long?"

"Three weeks."

"Jay! But homecoming's in two and a half! And I'm going dress shopping with Emma this weekend!"

"Should've thought of that before you brought a knife to school, my military knife at that. Why were you looking through my stuff anyway?"

"Just curious, I guess." It was a lie and you both knew it.

"That's not the truth. What's going on? Come on, you know you can tell me."

Not this I can't. But, you didn't say that. "That is the truth, Jay. Now, how am I going to get my homecoming dress?"

"You don't need a dress if you're not going to the dance."

"You can't keep this from me--"

"Yes, yes I can. If it was detention for tardies or a failed test or hell, even a fight, this wouldn't be happening. But you brought a knife to school. Not only is that against school rules, but it's against the law. What you did was illegal, Y/N."

"I know and I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it this time, not with this. But, if you want to get a dress and go to the dance, maybe doing some extra chores can get you that."

"So, I don't have to tell Emma I can't come this weekend?" you asked, hopefully.

"Not what I said. You still can't go with Emma. If you earn back that privilege, Hailey can take you."

"But, Jay--"

"No buts. I put the offer on the table and I can just as easily take it off."

"Uh, fine."

"Now, I know you have classwork from the classes you missed today, so get to it. And, don't think I won't be telling Will about this."

***

You jolted awake from your sleep. Must've just been a nightmare, you thought. A really loud nightmare.

"You bastard!" you heard Jay yell.

Okay, so not a nightmare.

"Get away from him!"

Him? Who else was in the house besides you and Jay?

If it was serious, you knew Jay would have come to wake you up to get you out of the house or yelled your name by now. Slowly, you stood up and grabbed your phone. Then, you exited your room and walked across the hall to Jay's.

You heard more yelling and tossing and turning as you stood outside his door. After taking a deep breath, you slowly turned the knob and walked into his room.

When you saw the way Jay looked, you instantly knew what this was. "Let him go and no one gets hurt!" he yelled at the top of his lungs.

Jay turned towards you as if he had heard a noise in his nightmare which caused him to abruptly turn. His eyes were moving rapidly beneath his eyelids and his face was dripping sweat.

Luckily, he started to calm down. His breathing started to slow and he hadn't yelled for over a minute.

"Jay," you whispered, taking a step closer to him. "Jay. Jay Halstead," you repeated, this time a little louder.

Nothing. You took a risk and touched his shoulder. "Bastard!" he yelled, throwing a punch which caused you to jump back, his fist narrowly missing your face.

Now it was his as well as your breathing that was coming out jagged.

You couldn't wake him up. You couldn't risk touching him again.

Jay yelled out again, causing you to jump and run out of his room.

You pulled out your phone and dialed the familiar number, hoping that he hadn't gotten called into work.

"Hmmm, hello?" your oldest brother's voice came through your phone, thick with sleep.

"Will, I need you. Please come over."

"Y/N? What's wrong?" He immediately sat up in bed upon hearing the worry in your voice.

"Jay's he's having a nightmare and I can't wake him up and--"

Yelling could be heard in the background and Will cut you off. "Is that him?"

"Yeah." The next part, you said quieter. You knew it wasn't Jay's fault this was happening, but it didn't make your feelings any less valid. "Will, I'm scared."

You heard a door close on Will's end. "It's okay. I don't think he's ever sleep-walked from a nightmare. Just, whatever you do, do not touch him. Understand?"

"Yes." More screaming. "Please, just hurry."

You don't know how you got through those fifteen minutes without completely breaking down. And, in those fifteen minutes, it had gone from yelling to hearing a few things slam to the ground. You assumed it was just things on Jay's bedside table, like his alarm clock, water bottle, and phone that had fallen from him trying to throw punches every which way, but you were too scared to check. What if he was up and standing and could throw things at you? You couldn't do that.

The sight Will saw when he unlocked the door and walked into the house completely broke his heart. You were sitting on the couch, wrapped in a blanket with your feet tucked under you, and silent tears were streaming down your face. If Will hadn't known any better, he would have thought you were making yourself as small as possible as if to disappear.

Will knelt down in front of you so that he was at eye level with you. "Hey, has it gotten worse?" You didn't look at him and that was all the confirmation Will needed.

You let out a deep shaky sob, finally feeling like it was safe for you to make noise again. Will took that opportunity to envelop you in a hug. "It's okay. It's okay. He can't hurt you. It's not him that's doing this. He doesn't know he's home."

"I know he thinks he's in Afghanistan, but he, Will, he almost, if I didn't..." you trailed off, not knowing how to tell your brother that Jay had almost hit you.

"What did he almost do, Y/N? You know he'll want all the details when he wakes up, so just tell me. I promise I won't be mad at him."

You took a deep breath. "He almost hit me, Will. I touched his shoulder and he just swung and--"

"Did I or did I not tell you not to touch him?"

"This was before I called you."

There was another crash and you whimpered. Will gave you one last squeeze and stood up. "Whatever you do, do not follow me, Y/N. I don't want you to see this."

You nodded and tugged your blanket tighter around you as if that was even possible.

The ice was melting in Will's hands as he walked towards Jay's bedroom. He could hear yelling, well, they were more like loud sobs at this point. The floor next to his bed was covered in things that fell from his bedside table: his alarm clock, water bottle, phone, the lamp...which luckily hadn't been on and the bulb hadn't broken.

"Now or never," Will muttered to himself as he stepped towards his younger brother. Then, he flung the ice out in front of him, causing it to land on Jay, and jumped back as fast as possible.

"You bastard! Fuck!" Jay's eyes shot open, drinking in his surroundings.

"Jay," Will said, quietly alerting his brother of his presence before placing his hand on his shoulder. "You're home, in Chicago, you're safe." Noticing that Jay's breathing hadn't yet slowed, Will overexaggerated his inhales and exhales. "Breathe with me. In...Out...In...Out...Good..." And so they continued that until Jay no longer needed Will to guide him through his breathing.

"What happened?" he asked, looking to where his things were strewn on the floor.

"Y/N called me. You were screaming and she tried to wake you up, but couldn't."

Jay's eyes widened. "Oh, God. I didn't...Please tell me I didn't hurt her, Will."

"No, but you did come close. She said she touched your shoulder and you just swung. She jumped out the way, though."

"Oh, God. I almost hit her, Will. Fuck. I'm a horrible brother."

Will sat done next to his brother, despite his sheets being all sweaty. "You are not a horrible brother, far from it. She knows it wasn't you that was doing this. Your mind was somewhere else. Now, do you wanna tell me what happened?"

"It was, it was all because of that damn knife. I don't know why I even kept it in the first place, Will."

"You kept telling someone to let go of him and called someone a bastard. Who?"

"I- There was this kid. His dad was gonna kill him and put a gun to his head. I tried, but I couldn't, I couldn't..." Jay let out a strangled sob and wiped the tears that ran down his face.

Will started to run a hand up and down his back, something he learned long ago that soothed Jay after nights like these. "And the knife?"

"I used that to kill the boy's father. I should have just gotten rid of it when I had the chance."

"Jay, I'm sorry all of this got dug up."

"Yeah, me too. I'm not proud of the man I was back then. I thought I was over this."

"It's okay to fall apart sometimes."

Jay nodded, even though he hated when it happened because the bigger they are, the harder they fall. He bottles up all his emotions that when he finally falls apart, he explodes.

"I think Y/N would want to know you're okay," Will suggested.

You were still in the same position you had been in when Will left you when you heard footsteps approaching you and looked up. Jay's eyes were bloodshot and it was clear as day that he had been crying. You felt the couch dip as Jay sat next to you.

"I'm sorry," Jay said. Slowly, as if not to scare you, he wrapped an arm around your blanket-covered body.

"You scared me," you whispered.

"I know. Will told me. I'm so sorry." He scanned your face, making sure that Will wasn't lying to him when he had told him that he hadn't hit you. "I just need you to know that what you saw, that wasn't me, Y/N. It was my mind bringing me back to a very dark place. I would never, ever, ever knowingly scream at you like that or lay a hand on you."

"I know. You didn't even yell that bad with everything that happened at school today. But, it's all my fault."

"Y/N, look at me." You looked up, your eyes red-rimmed from all the crying. "None of this is your fault. Yes, seeing that knife triggered me. But, I could've just as easily seen it if the box fell over and the knife fell out."

You knew what he was getting at. He was trying to assure you that you and the knife were not what triggered him. It was the knife and the knife only.

"Can Will spend the night?" you asked, knowing that if it happened again, you wouldn't be alone when dealing with it.

"Of course. Now, go back to bed. You've got school tomorrow."

You nodded and stood up, knowing he was right. It was currently 3:30 in the morning and you had been up for an hour and a half and you needed to be awake by 6:00. And, you knew that you needed your focus to be razor sharp at school now that you didn't have any protection.

"Goodnight. I love you guys."

***

The weekend had come and gone and now it was Monday. As much as you hated Mondays, the ones before homecoming were becoming increasingly worse. Everything was fine until you had walked out of school, keys in hand.

"What the fuck?" you yelled as you were slammed into the side of your car, your cheek hitting the window hard.

Then, you felt a hand squeeze your butt. "Fifty points," he whispered in your ear.

Tears sprung to your eyes as you felt his hand reach for your keys. "Get the fuck away from her, Evans!"

Then, you felt him being ripped off of you, by none other than Jordan Atwater.

"Whatever," Derek Evans grumbled as he shrugged Jordan's hands off him. "I got fifty points and she just went from 200 to 250 for the rest of it." Then, he walked away and Jordan was quickly at your side.

"Are you okay?"

"No," you sniffled.

"Here, let me take you home, and then we can tell Kevin and Jay and they can come get your car."

"No! They can't know about this Jordan and you know that!"

"Y/N, he just did that forcibly and they just increased the point value for..." he trailed off, not wanting to say the disgusting words.

"Jordan, I'm fine. I can handle this."

"Fucking hell, Y/N. Do you know what I heard rumors about in the locker room?" You shook your head, not wanting to know at all, but knowing Jordan would tell you anyway. "He was planning on taking your keys so that you'd have to go with him. Some other guys were planning on following you home tomorrow."

"I can't- I don't know what to do, Jordan. It used to just be a stupid game, but now it's this and- fuck."

"I know, I know. Listen, how about I check on you after practice to make sure no one comes over?"

"Jay grounded me. I'll just get in more trouble if you come over."

"What'd you do?"

"Just something stupid," you answered. You knew that if you told him about the knife, he would most definitely tell Kevin.

He raised an eyebrow at you, but let your lie slide. "You're telling Jay tonight or so help me God, I am telling Kevin tomorrow before school."

"Can I just come over to your house?" you muttered.

Somehow, he heard you. "I thought you said Jay would be mad at you?"

"Then we can tell Kev and if Kev knows first, he can tell Jay because I don't want to be the one to tell him. He'll freak."

"Yeah. Tell you what? I'll pick you up at your house right after practice and then we can go to mine."

"Thanks for having my back, Jordan."

"Hey, that's what friends are for."

***

Jordan sucked in a breath as his phone dinged, alerting him that someone else had posted something on that stupid leaderboard for that stupid game.

"Aren't you gonna get that?" you asked as you sat next to him on the couch, assuming it was a text message notification.

"It's, uh, it's not important."

"If it's a text it's probably important."

Before Jordan even had time to react, you snatched the phone from the table in front of him. But, you quickly regretted your decision as your face paled and tears sprang to your eyes.

"Are they- are they all saying these things about me?" you asked, barely above a whisper as you handed Jordan his phone.

His eyes quickly skimmed the comment on the leaderboard in front of him and he sighed. "I mean, they've said some pretty horrible things, but this is up there with the most disgusting."

"What's most disgusting?" Kevin asked as he walked inside to see you two sitting on the couch, Jordan trying to keep his phone away from you despite you having already seen the comment. "Wait, aren't you grounded, Y/N?"

"Does Jay tell all my business to Intelligence?" you grumbled.

Kevin shrugged as he hung up his jacket. "Pretty much. But really, wat'cha doing here?"

You and Jordan shared a look that didn't go unnoticed by Kevin. "What's going on?"

***

"So you wanted to talk to me first so that I could help you break the news to Jay?" Kevin asked.

"Yeah," you mumbled, shocked by you hadn't broken down yet. It was probably just because you were scared to tell Jay, scared of how he would react to people who were doing this, and scared of how he would react to you not having told him until now.

"Let me call him. I think he still had to finish up some paperwork, so maybe he hasn't noticed that you're gone yet."

Kevin walked away to go talk to Jay in private and Jordan went to the kitchen to grab you both some water. Absentmindedly, you ran your fingers over your cheek, not doubting that there would be a bruise there tomorrow due to how hard Derek shoved you up against your car.

"Need some ice?" Kevin asked, having reentered.

"I'm fine," you quickly said, knowing that Jay and Will would be babying you about your face anyway.

"If you say so."

Jordan returned with the water and slid one to you. "Jay mad?" he asked his older brother.

"I mean, I told him Y/N was over here and that she has something to tell him and to not get mad at her."

"Great, that helps a lot," you replied sarcastically.

"I also told him we might have a case."

"Okay, so he knows it's bad then. I just don't wanna blow this out of proportion--"

"Girl, blow this outta proportion?" Jordan interrupted. "They're planning on assaulting you! I think you can blow this up however much you want!"

"I just don't wanna be the one to start this conversation," you admitted.

"We gotchu, girl, we gotchu," Kevin reassured you.

***

"You better have a good reason why you left the house-- without telling me I might add-- when you're grounded!" That was the first thing Jay yelled as Kevin let him into the house.

"Whoa, calm down, man. She's got a good reason to be here--"

"A good reason? A good reason being that she wanted to hang out with Jordan when I clearly stated that she was to come straight home after school!"

Roughly, he pulled a chair out from under the table to sit down across from you. You stayed staring at the wood of the table, not wanting to look him in the eye. "You have a good reason, Y/N?" he asked smugly. "Then look me in the eye and tell me that reason."

Jordan squeezed your shoulder in reassurance, which gave you the bit of confidence you needed to look your brother in the eyes. "I- there's these points and I was pushed and..." you ran your hands down your face in frustration, trying to stop your tears. "I can't do this."

"Is that a bruise forming on your cheek?" Jay asked as you removed your hands from your face, his eyes immediately softening. You nodded. "Care to elaborate?"

"A football player shoved me up against my car and then he- and then he grabbed my ass."

"Does this football player have a name?" he asked, looking to Jordan because he was on the football team.

"He does, but there's more and I'm gonna tell you that first because I don't think Y/N wants to."

"Thank you," you whispered to Jordan.

"So it's more than just a stupid kid playing grab-ass with my sister?" Jay asked, anger starting to seep out once more.

"There's point values attached to each grab," Jordan started. "Grab a girl, it's usually 50 points. Do some other things with her, there's more depending on what it is. Freshmen are strictly off-limits, so it's Y/N's first year dealing with it."

"How long has it been going on?"

"I think the game started totally five years ago. It happens for a month leading up to homecoming. Anyone on the varsity football team pays $10 to play, and whoever has the most points at the end of the month gets the money.

"And this year, they started a leaderboard online, where you can vote on doing different things. If it gets enough votes, it's up for grabs for points. And well, just take a look."

Jordan slid his open phone to Jay and he scrolled through the website, complete with a leaderboard. He looked at the most recent comments and scrolled to the beginning of the thread.

200 points if you can get the cop's sister to give you oral

Jay swallowed a lump in his throat as he read the title and continued to scroll.

100 for the actual act and another 100 if you get it on video

Deal

Deal

Definitely

Just don't get caught

She's small so it shouldn't be that hard

Think she had a crush on me last year, so this should be a piece of cake. Pay up boys

You're on, Evans

Then, he got to the comments after today's events had occurred.

Grabbed Halstead's ass in the parking lot and was so close to getting her keys, but Atwater stopped me. Buzzkill. It's gettin' close to hoco, so points for her are now up to 250

Eh, I'll just follow her home tomorrow and then get her before her brother gets home

Her lips will probably feel so good wrapped around me

Jay let out a shaky breath as he got to the end of the thread. "You're right, Kev. I think we might have a case on our hands. You wanna go home, Y/N?"

"I'm scared," you said as you looked up at your brother, tears streaming down your face. "What if they come to the house, Jay?"

"Y/N, I promise you that I will never, ever allow that to happen."

***

You were in the shower, but you could still make out the faint sound of Jay's voice. You didn't know who he was talking to, but you assumed it was either Will, Voight, or Hailey.

All the events of the past two weeks came down on you, crushing you like a ton of bricks. You knew this game was going to happen, but what you didn't know was that they going to do that 200, well now 250 points for you. At least, you hadn't known until Jordan told you and begged you to tell someone.

Since the start of this sick, twisted game, you made sure to wear something that always covered your butt, such as a long sweater or hoodie paired with jeans or leggings. But apparently, that didn't stop money-hungry and hormonal teenage boys.

The first time it happened, it was just a quick pinch when you were standing at your locker, nothing too alarming. Hell, you hadn't even known who it was. But then, once the 200 points were on the line, they started getting more and more aggressive, cornering you after lunch or after class, blocking you from exiting the locker bank.

You had heard the whispers of what Derek Evans planned to do, so you took matters into your own hands, hence stealing Jay's knife from the Rangers. People always said to go to the school, that they'd stop if enough people told. But, they never stopped. Girls had tried and tried last year, and nothing happened. Hell, you were so close to talking to the principal but were cornered right before walking into the main office, so you gave up. You figured you could just put up with it until it was over, despite how much anxiety simply going to school was now giving you.

You stepped out of the shower, dried off, and changed into your pajamas. Then, you glanced at yourself in the mirror: puffy and red eyes and cracked lips stared back at you. You hadn't even felt human since this thing started. You felt like a fucking object.

A fucking arcade game that told them that if they tried hard enough they'd win a damn prize.

The gut-wrenching sob that left your lips stopped Jay on his way to the kitchen. Jay made his way to the bathroom and knocked on the door, your sobs still ever-present.

"Y/N, can I come in? Please?" He asked quietly, using the voice he used when he had to talk to children on the job.

"I just wanna be a-alone right now J-Jay," you hiccupped.

Jay sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "You know I can't let you do that. It's not healthy." He didn't get a response, so he just stood outside the bathroom, hoping you'd exit sooner rather than later.

Unfortunately, that didn't happen. And your breathing just got shallower and shallower. "Are you dressed?" he asked.

It took you a moment, but somehow you managed to tell him that you were.

Your vision was starting to go blurry and your feet and fingers were starting to go numb. The sides of your head were pounding so much that you thought it was going to explode.

Jay took a paperclip and unfolded it, then pressed it into the knob until a click was heard. The door was heavier than he had expected, alerting him that you were slumped against it. You felt yourself being pushed forward, but at this point, you didn't even care since you were too focused on not passing out. But, if you did pass out you figured, at least your mind wouldn't wander to all the recent events.

"Y/N, Y/N, open those eyes for me, okay? Just look at me. Focus on me," Jay urged you after he had squeezed himself through the door and was now crouching down in front of you.

"C-Can't-- Open eyes-- hurts," you said through shallow and fast breaths.

"Okay. I'm gonna squeeze your hand. Just focus on the touch and try and follow my breathing."

"What-- if I-- pass-- out?"

"I won't let that happen. Now in, out, in, out. Good. Now I'm gonna add a second. In, out, in, out..."

You continued to focus on Jay's voice as you slowly but surely started to regain feeling in your feet and fingers.

"Can you open your eyes for me?" Jay asked, once your breathing had returned to a semi-normal state for a few cycles. Slowly, you opened your eyes but quickly closed them. "Head still hurt?"

"Yeah."

"That'll happen when not enough oxygen gets to the brain. You can even ask Will to fact check me." You heard the doorbell ring. "Speaking of Will..."

"You didn't."

"But I did. He brought food, too."

"Jay? Y/N? You here?" you heard Will yell from down the hallway after he entered the house.

"Bathroom!" Jay replied, causing you to wince due to how close he was to your ear. "Sorry."

"What the hell happened?" Will asked as he rushed to crouch down in front of you, going into doctor mode when he saw your eyes were clenched shut. There was a pause as Jay mouthed panic attack to his older brother. "Okay, well I'm gonna go get you some water, hopefully that'll make your head stop hurting and then I'll check out that cheek of yours."

"Do you have to?" you whined.

"Kid, one day you'll thank me for this."

"I doubt it," you mumbled.

Will came back with a glass of water and slid it into your hand, making sure that your hand was firmly wrapped around it before letting go. After waiting about a minute after you'd finished the water, you opened your eyes.

"Better?" Will asked.

"Better," you confirmed. "Thanks."

"That's what big brothers are for."

"So that means you don't have to go all doctor on me?"

"Ha, that was funny. Now, sit on the counter so I can take a look."

You pushed yourself off the floor and then onto the counter, Jay standing up after you to stand next to Will. Great, now you had two worried older brothers both looking at the same thing. At least they weren't both doctors.

"Damn, it's already bruising," Jay said as he looked on.

Will hand gently touched your cheek. "Tell me if anywhere hurts." He touched from your jaw up to your cheek bone, but the only place you told him that hurt was between the two and a bit at the bottom of your cheek bone.

"You're lucky," Will started, "You hit it just a bit higher I might have to take you in for x-rays to make sure you didn't bruise or fracture your cheek bone."

"No hospital?" you asked hopefully.

"No hospital," Will confirmed. "Just lots of ice."

"Come on, let's go get that food Will brought before it gets too cold...and the beer for me and him gets warm."

***

You walked into Intelligence with Jay the next morning, trying to think of anything but the worried looks you were getting. "It's okay to be scared," Jay told you, giving your shoulder a squeeze. "And, I'll be there the whole time."

"Do you have to?" you asked him.

"Because you're a minor and I'm your legal guardian, they can't talk to you unless I'm there. So, yes, I have to be with you."

"Hailey," Voight's raspy voice carried through the bullpen. "You go talk to Y/N. Ruzek, go talk to Jordan."

"Jordan's here?" you asked, looking up at Jay.

"Yeah. Kevin wanted him to give a statement, too. Said he can attest to all the stuff that was said in the locker room."

"Oh." You didn't want to think about the things that were said. If you thought what they were posting was bad, what they talked about in the locker room you knew would be ten times worse.

You followed Hailey into the breakroom. Despite being here dozens of times before, it felt odd to you this time, eerie, as it was waiting to gobble up your deepest and darkest secrets and fears and share them with the world.

Hailey sat across from you and Jay sat next to you. "Jay, I need you to read this over and sign it since Y/N's a minor." She slid two pieces of paper over to him and he glanced at them and quickly scribbled his signature.

Hailey gave him a look that said you're not gonna read it? "I've told parents what this says before. I know the drill." Hailey nodded and took the papers from him.

"Start from the beginning, Y/N. What happened with Derek Evans?" Hailey prompted.

"I have a question." Here goes nothing. Hailey nodded at you to continue while Jay furrowed his eyebrows. He had been over how this was going to work with you before you even stepped out of the house this morning to try and ease your nerves. "Does it matter?"

"Does what matter? What he did to you? Of course, it does," Hailey answered.

"No, sorry. That came out wrong. "Does it matter that I had a crush on him last year...and kinda into this year." The crush only lasted two months into this school year though, when you found out he had cheated on his current girlfriend. But last year, oh last year your crush was in full swing and you took every opportunity you could to talk to the then junior, and there was no fooling anyone in that school that you had been head over heels for him.

"I'm sorry. I'm not following," Hailey apologized.

"Since I had a crush on him and he knew it, couldn't he take that as I wanted this?"

"No. It's only consent if both parties agreed to it."

"But maybe me having a crush on him would make him think that."

Now, it was Jay's turn to speak. "Did you take health class yet?"

"No, I take it next semester. Why?"

"The teacher will talk about consent there, but I guess we're doing it now." He looked at Hailey to make sure this was okay and she nodded at him to continue. "What do you think has to happen for someone to not consent?"

"One of them has to say no or stop."

"Is that the only way to be sure?"

"I mean, I guess."

"See, that's where you're wrong. It's not consent if you slap his hand away. It's not consent if you're too drunk to say yes. Same for drugs. It's not consent if you're coerced into it. And, consent can be revoked at any time. Any time. To keep it simple for you to remember right now, it's only consent if you and him both said yes to this. And, I know you didn't say yes to what happened to you and what they were threatening to do to you."

"So, even though I didn't say stop or no right away when he pushed me up against my car and grabbed me, I still wasn't consenting?" you asked.

"No," Hailey answered. "Did he ask to grab your butt?"

"No."

"Therefore, there was no consent involved."

There was a knock on the door and Hailey got up to answer it. "Halstead, a word," Voight ordered, motioning for him to follow.

Jay glanced at you. "Hey, don't worry, kid. Everything will work out one way or another."

Jay followed Voight into his office and closed the door. "What's up, Sarge?"

"The kid who grabbed your sister, well he's 18, Jay. Just turned 18 last month."

"So, we can press more charges?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Since all we have are threats and Y/N's and Jordan's word against his, most we can do is forcible touching. If he had acted on the threat, then that'd be a different story."

"So, you're saying that she had to be forced to have oral sex with this ass to press more charges? The threats aren't enough? Even though we clearly have proof of the threats from that goddamn leaderboard."

"I know it's not ideal--"

Jay threw his hands up. "Ideal? It's ridiculous!"

Voight was about to say something, but was stopped by a knock on his office door. "Yeah?" he asked.

"Boss, we got a problem," Ruzek said as he entered.

"What type of problem?"

"The Evans kid? Yeah, well his dad's the president of the school board."

"You're kidding."

"Wish I was, Boss."

"Jay, go see if Y/N knew about this. The rest of us are gonna figure out how to proceed with this new information."

Jay was about to enter the breakroom, when his phone buzzed. It was Will.

Any news? the text read.

Other than the fact that the Evans kid's dad is the president of the school board and we only have enough to get him on forcible touching, no nothing new.

Jay didn't even think about the fact that he was sharing information about an open investigation. To him, this was just him talking to his brother about the case that involved his sister.

Jay held down the power button to turn his phone off and then walked back into the breakroom. "Anything?" Hailey asked.

"Uh, yeah. But let's finish interviewing Y/N first. I know we had to stop since I left."

Jay sat back down next to you and Hailey started questioning you once again.

"Did you know that this game was going to happen?" Hailey asked.

"Yeah, that's why I started wearing long sweaters and hoodies, to try and cover up my butt."

"Okay, and when it start to turn into more than grabs?"

"Um, one day Jordan called me after school and he told me that Derek was planning to get me to..." you trailed off, not wanting to say it.

"I know you think it's disgusting to say, Y/N, but I need you to say what he said to you."

You looked up at Jay, feeling like a five-year-old who was about to say a swear word. "It's okay. We won't laugh or get mad."

"He uh, Jordan told me that Derek was going to get me to give him a blowjob...even if he had to force me to do it."

A few tears ran down your face. Even though your brother was a cop, telling the actual cops in an actual statement made it that much more real.

"Do you want a break? Some water maybe?" Hailey asked.

"No, I'm fine. I just wanna get this over with."

"Okay. Did anyone try and tell the principal? Any teachers? Other adults?"

"Girls tried, they really did. They told Mr. White, the principal, but he said that they didn't have any proof. And, he also said that they were football players and that some of them had shots at scholarships for D1 schools. Why would we want to wreck that for them, is what he had asked us. And, Derek's dad is on the school board, so we knew that even if it went further than the principal and to the superintendent or school board, that nothing would happen.

"I was gonna try to tell Mr. White once, but I was cornered before I got into the main office, so I was scared."

You turned to Jay now. "I'm sorry. I should've told you when this all started but I didn't want to get made fun of or have more things happen at school because what if they canceled football and it was all my fault and--"

"You need to remember that you did nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing, you hear me?" you nodded. "And what White did, basically saying that boys will be boys, that makes me sick. And if I had a way to arrest him, I would."

"Thanks, Jay."

A comfortable silence fell over you before you explained everything else, like Derek shoving you against your car and forcibly grabbing your ass. You also explained how Jordan had said that he was planning on taking your keys so you'd have to have oral with him to get them back and how other players were planning on following you home.

After that, you were out in the bullpen, when Trudy Platt came up the stairs. "Hank, Halstead, I need you to go this address."

Platt handed Voight a piece of paper, which you're assuming had the address on it. "Why? This doesn't have to do with our case. Couldn't patrol do it?"

"I don't think Halstead would be pleased if I put his brother in lockup, so I figured I'd have you two go check it out," she answered.

"What did Will do?" you piped up before Jay could.

"Let's just say him and Derek Evans each got a few punches in," Trudy answered. "I thought you two could be the ones to go down and get him."

"Thanks, Trudy," Voight said as he started to walk downstairs. But, he stopped when he noticed that Jay wasn't following.

"Uh, Hailey," Jay called. "Could you maybe take Y/N to Will's house while I do this? I just don't want her at home in case they somehow got our address."

"Yeah, no problem," Hailey answered, taking the spare key Jay handed her.

You four walked down the stairs and then each headed your separate ways. Once Jay and Voight were in the car, Voight turned to him. "Care to tell me how Will found the name and address?"

"Sarge, I have absolutely no idea." And then he remembered the text he sent. "Oh, oh shit. Listen, it was an accident. He asked me if we had any new information, and I told him that Derek was 18 and he must've just went from that. Sorry, I wasn't thinking. To me, this isn't just an investigation, it's an investigation that involves my sister and I was just giving information to my brother without thinking about the legal ramifications."

"I get it, Jay. I did the same thing with Justin."

"Are we really arresting him?"

"No, but we are gonna have a chat with Derek and his father."

***

"I want to press charges!" Derek Evans' dad yelled when Jay and Hank rolled up to the scene. "This man assaulted my son!"

"Yeah? Well, your son assaulted my sister, so I think it's even!" Will spat back.

"Let's just take a moment to talk this out," Voight said, stepping between the two.

"I won't talk until you put this man in handcuffs!"

Voight turned and nodded at Jay. "Sarge, you can't be--"

"I am serious, Jay. Now do it and bring him to the car. Now."

Jay gritted his teeth and put Will's hands behind his back. "You have the right to right to remain silent. If you give up this right, anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law. If you do not have the money to afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand these rights as they have been told to you?" Jay recited as he led Will to the car.

"Yes. Jay, what are you--"

"Just go with it," Jay hissed in his ear, causing his older brother to shut up.

Jay put Will in the back of the car and then got in the passenger seat. "Now, in a second I'm going to take these off and then I'm gonna go inside and talk to them with Voight. Do not, under any circumstances, get out of the car. You understand me?"

"Yeah, now can you get these off me? You put 'em on real tight, Jay."

Jay smirked as he took Will out of the car and undid his cuffs. "Payback for all the times you poked me with a needle." Then, he looked at Will's face. "Looks like the kid got a few good punches on you. There's gonna be a real nice shiner there," he joked.

"Shut up and go finish your job." Will rolled his eyes as Jay put the cuffs back in his pocket and left Will in the car.

When Jay walked into the Evans' residence he saw Derek, Derek's dad, and Hank all sitting down at the kitchen table. "Now, we know that your son has threatened to force himself on a girl at school, so this can go one of two ways," Voight started as Jay stood behind him. "We can either contact the media and tell them all about this little game he and his teammates like to play, but that he took a step too far, which would ensure he doesn't get into a good college. Or, you could transfer him out of his current high school and to a new one and this doesn't get out to the press. Your choice."

"You don't have enough to charge him, so why would I pull my son out of school his senior year?"

"Because, once word gets out, well no college wants a guy with a history of sexual assault on their football team. It sets a bad image."

"It's not like I even did anything!" Derek protested, while still trying to hold the ice pack to his lip that Will had busted open.

"Oh, didn't do anything? Let me enlighten you. You got the pictures, Sarge?" Jay asked.

"Got 'em right here."

Voight laid all the pictures of the leaderboard and the messages about you on the table. "The girl who Derek said he wanted to get oral sex from? That guy in the back of our car right now is her brother. Now, do you understand why the fight broke out, Mr. Evans?"

Derek's dad looked back and forth between the pictures and his son, trying to figure out how his son could do this. "Derek, did you say these things?"

"Oh, he did more than say. He slammed the girl up against her car and forcibly grabbed her backside," Jay said, not wanting to admit he was your brother or else there would be a conflict of interest in this encounter. And, even though Derek knew, Jay was the one with a gun so he figured the best idea would be to not piss him off.

Voight laid the picture of your bruised cheek on the table. "This is what happened because of that. She's lucky she didn't break her cheekbone."

"I'm- I'm sorry," Derek finally spoke up. "It was just supposed to be a fun game that we bet some money on who could get the most points."

"A game? A game is football. This is bordering on assault. We are far from a game," Jay told him.

"So, what's it gonna be? Take Derek out of school and transfer him or do I call the media? You have five seconds," Voight told him, pulling out his phone to silently tell them that he wasn't bluffing.

Derek's eyes widened. "I'll transfer! I'll transfer!"

"Derek, we need time to think about this--"

"No, Dad, I need a shot at a scholarship to go D1."

"Then it's settled. Thank you for your time."

Jay and Voight left the house and went back to the car. "What's the verdict?" Will asked.

"He's transferring schools," Voight answered and handed the folder of evidence photos to Jay.

"Why are you giving these to me?"

Voight shrugged. "Do with them what you want, Halstead. I wouldn't blame you, no one would."

***

"Hailey, can you give me and Y/N a second?" Jay asked as you entered you house and shrugged off your coats.

"Of course."

"You can stay out here. We'll talk in Y/N's room," Jay said.

You walked down the hall and went into your room and sat on your bed. "So, what's up? Did you arrest Derek?"

"Unfortunately, we didn't have enough evidence to do that."

You looked down at your hands. "But then it's just gonna keep happening, Jay. I don't wanna go back there."

"Back where?" he asked, sitting next to you.

"To school, it'll just be worse."

"Hey, no it won't because he's transferring schools."

"But the other boys will just keep doing it, Jay. I'm terrified."

"Hey, hey look at me." You looked up at Jay, trying to stop yourself from crying. "That will not happen, I can promise you that."

"But you don't know that."

"Just trust me on this one."

"Okay," you whispered.

"And one more thing," Jay started. "If it didn't already go without saying, you're ungrounded because I'm assuming you brought that knife to school to use in case anything happened. And, with what happened yesterday, I can't say I blame you."

"Thanks, I figured as much."

"Now, next time you need something for self-defense, we're just gonna get you some pepper spray."

"Good idea."

"Let's go back out to Hailey and you two can look at Pinterest or whatever for dresses or whatever it is girls do with that stuff."

***

The next morning, you woke up to message after message about school. There were links sent you entitled Football Player Assaults Girl Outside of School Because of a Bet and Principal of a Chicago High School Resigns Because of Complaints from Girls about the Football Team Sexually Harassing Them, but He Didn't do Anything about It.

You could not believe it. Just 48 hours ago you were freaking out about having to go to school for fear of a guy grabbing you or doing something worse. And now, you could go to school and feel comfortable. And, those boys wouldn't do anything else and if something did happen, you'd be able to tell the assistant principal--who was now acting principal--about what was happening and have something actually be done about it.

"Jay!" you yelled as you ran into the kitchen, almost bumping into him.

"Whoa, slow down! I almost spilled hot coffee on you!" he laughed as he set his mug down on the table and turned back to you.

"Sorry, sorry. Have you seen this? Someone leaked the leaderboard and now Mr. White resigned! I'll actually be able to focus in class now!" You slid the phone to him and he looked at the titles in the notifications. "I just wonder who did it."

"Told you I'd handle it." Then, he took a sip of his coffee.

"Oh my God, you were the one who leaked it?" Your eyes almost popped out of your head. Couldn't that get him in trouble?

"I never said that."

"You just sipped your coffee like that Kermit and the sips tea meme, so yeah, I think you did," you playfully argued.

"Well, technically, it wasn't me. I just passed on a copy of the pictures to a CI of mine, whose cousin happens to work for the Chicago Sun-Times."

"Bye-bye college football for all these assholes."

"And the city's a safer place because of it."

"Hey, what do I always say: Go save Chicago."

"Team effort. And this time, Y/N, you got to play a part in that team."

A/N: I know it's been almost a month since I've posted an imagine, but school is busy and I'm writing long imagines, which usually take me a week to write, so that's why.  Oh, and happy Valentine's Day (bc that's in like 2 days). Go cuddle with your boyfriend/girlfriend if you have one. Or, if you're single (like me) go read some cute fluffy fanfiction and eat all the chocolate!

[goggles-mcgee]

Too Late: Master Fu (commission for miner249er)

Chapter 7 of the commission for @miner249er

Previous Work

Last Chapter Next Chapter

Summary: Living for so long, it's hard not to just hide in a pattern and want to live in the past, even if the best thing is moving forward.

Wang Fu was no stranger to failure and mistakes, and though he liked to believe he had grown past those failures and mistakes, that he had learned and healed past them, now was not one such moment. He wasn’t a man of technology but he did own a television, not at first, but when Adrien and...and Marinette started out as Ladybug and Chat Noir he thought it would benefit him greatly to have an eye out for them. The best way he could do so in his age was the news, he would know about an akuma before his young heroes got to the scene so he would be prepared just in case Marinette would need to come over and borrow a Miraculous. Watching the fights filled him with dread but he would do it because it was one of the only ways he felt he could be useful to Marinette and Adrien, he couldn’t transform anymore, well he could, just not for long. Not long enough to be any real help. Maybe that’s why he ignored the signs.

The signs that screamed at him that something was wrong with Marinette, with her and Chat Noir’s dynamic, that something was desperately eating at her. They say ignorance is bliss, but Fu wasn’t so sure about that, it could be, maybe, in the moment when one is ignorant, but when reality comes crashing down you would have wished you had not been so blind. That is where Fu had found himself lately, trapped in that thinking time and time again. The news reports about Marinette had not helped that in the least, and they way the spoke about her enraged and saddened him all at once and though he was thankful that Hawkmoth was no longer a threat so he was able to be mad and sad, he could not find delight in the villain’s “disappearance” since it cost him the closest thing to family he had.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Fu had never thought he would get so attached to someone, he had never done so before, so it surprised him how easily Marinette squeezed herself into his heart. He hadn’t even had to think about who he would pass down the title and responsibility of Guardian to as soon as he got to know her. Even picking her as a hero had been easy, her soul was pure and it sang with creativity and love. When they got to interact with each other more, Fu began to care for her more and more as the days passed, he fully expected her to only visit for Guardian related things but to his delight and surprise, Marinette paid him many visits. From coming simply to see how he was doing, to bringing him some of her family’s pastries, each visit was a treasured moment for Fu.

Her kindness knew no bounds. If she knew he was having a bad day, pains and aches wise, she would bring him some tiger balm that her mom had bought. He had expressed his concern that her mother would notice and get mad with Marinette but Marinette had only laughed and told him that her mother has so many containers of tiger balm around the house and she always buys new ones even though she has, in Marinette’s words, ‘literally a million others.’ That memory brought a smile to his face and a pang to his heart nowadays. He remembered fondly how Marinette would come over and ask for Mandarin lessons since she only spoke Yue and she wanted to surprise her mother’s uncle next time he visited. Fu had been all too happy to assist her. He loved getting to pass on his knowledge and Marinette had been a great student. He even got to teach her how to brew tea.

For all her kindness, she never let it blind her, she let it lead her. She saw the good in people and strived to be the good they could strive to be as well. Wang Fu had admired her kindness and tried his best to live up to that level, where Marinette’s kindness was a strength, Fu’s became a weakness. His kindness blinded him. That was the only conclusion he could solidly come to after everything had changed. Before Marinette was...was akumatized. How else could he have missed the way that Ladybug, that Marinette, had looked during each battle on TV when Chat Noir would joke around...no when he would flirt and distract her from the fight. How stressed she seemed to get after each battle, after each patrol, how she would subtly try to bring up Chat Noir during their visits. Fu had thought nothing of it, or maybe he really did notice and had just willfully ignored everything.

Adrien Agreste was much like Wang Fu. Maybe that’s why he also turned a blind eye towards everything or why he didn’t notice other things. Adrien was a boy trapped by a role he never wanted, or a role he tricked himself into wanting and, or liking, much like Fu had done when he was taken from his family and taken to the Temple of the Order of the Guardians to train as a Guardian. Leaving his family had torn Wang Fu apart, he could have no trace of them in the Temple, not even his name, that too had been stripped from him along with any personal belongings. Truth be told he had forgotten his original name, time and the Order did that and it caused him so much sorrow. He remembered trying to write his old name anywhere he could get away with as a way to remember. He was always caught. So he stopped fighting and fully embraced being Wang Fu, Guardian of a Miracle Box, though at the time he never would have imagined being the Guardian of the most important Miracle Box in the Temple.

So it was easy for Fu to sympathize with Adrien, to him, Adrien joking and flirting around as Chat Noir was in a way the same as Fu trying to write his given name. Adrien just wanted to be free and Fu could understand that all too well. To live under strict rules that made you feel like you were doing anything but living, it was suffocating. So he had been soft on the boy, and that was another mistake for Wang Fu to add to his list, but he would put it up with causing the destruction of the Order of the Guardians and not fighting when he had to “leave” his family. Only because it seemed to be the catalyst to the whole butterfly effect that set everything that had happened into motion. Maybe if he had just spoken with Adrien, had been firm with him, maybe Adrien would have strived to become better rather than just be content with the freedom he had and not thinking of the consequences.

He should have strived to be better, a better man, a better hero, a better Guardian. For as much as Fu spoke and thought and remembered his hatred of the Order and their rules he didn’t try to improve upon them when he fled. No instead he followed those rules that had shackled him and kept him prisoner for as long and as brief as they had. Maybe if he had not lived in fear and guilt maybe he would have been strong enough to tell Adrien he was being unreasonable and maybe he would have told Marinette that she needed to take breaks more often and to just focus on one thing at a time. The kwami also had a lot to learn and that was on him for not teaching them and communicating with them. He should have made it clear that teenagers, no, that people in general, have changed. You can’t be too laid back, sometimes your holder will need guidance. Don’t be too positive and try to enforce that positivity on someone, positivity can become toxic and telling someone they always have to be happy or they always have to be the bigger person is not helping as much as you think it was.

Tikki, Plagg, and him had had a very long discussion at his house about that and about their mistakes in general. Both kwami were displeased with Fu and how he handled everything and honestly he didn’t blame them, but he could tell they took his words to heart as well. Plagg...Plagg hadn’t been eating as much since he was back in Fu’s possession, ever since he was taken from Adrien, and Tikki...Tikki hadn’t spoken a word after their talk. All she did was watch the TV and all the news channels, anything that was about Marinette she would watch, and undoubtedly she would get angry or sad and all the plants in Fu’s house would grow exponentially. All the other kwami tried to comfort her and get her to talk or even just rest inside the Miracle Box for a bit, even Plagg had tried, but the kwami of Creation did not budge. Now Fu could say he understood but that would be a lie, although he and Wayyz were compatible and they enjoyed each other's company, the two of them were not a true match. Tikki and Marinette on the other hand...those two were a true match, two souls connected and bonded, and for a kwami to lose one was said to be unbearable.

In Tikki and Plagg’s silence and sudden mood change, Sass and Longg had been more talkative and desperate than he had ever witnessed before. The snake and dragon kwami had explained to him exactly what their holders had been doing and had done their best to apologize to Tikki, but she had yet to acknowledge their efforts. They were similar to Plagg, their holder may not be a perfect match with them but they were close, so close, so to lose them was painful to them too. They had desperately tried to convince him to give them back to their respective holder, and again they had pleaded with him to do so today as he took a walk to get some air. He had brought them with him so that Tikki and Plagg could get some peace and quiet back at his house, and plus he felt like the two elder kwami needed the time alone. Fu just hoped they could help each other since he and the other kwami were struggling to do so.

“Masster, I undersstand your hessitancce, but I will assk once again, give Luka and Misss Kagami another chanccce. Their heartss were in the right placce.” Sass stated once more, though this time he was hiding himself in Fu’s shoulder bag as he went on his aimless walk.

“Sass is right, Master. I will admit, our holders were hasty in their quest for justice, but in the end their actions were done out of love and loyalty and a wish to help.” Long added.

“I understand that. Know that I do you two, but also acknowledge the fact that Hawkmoth is gone. The reason for the heroes is gone. What reason is there for you to be given back to those children?” Fu replied not unkindly, just with the facts that had been staring at him day after day.

“Masster...you don’t believe that. Yess, true as it may be that Hawkmoth iss gone, we never know when danger comess. Besidess, we don’t know where Miss Marinette iss...I know you want to find her, and Luka and Kagami want to find her too. They can help and they know how to use Longg and I’ss Miraculouss.” Sass replied after a while, and though Fu was reluctant to admit it, the kwami had a point.

“We don’t even know where to begin to look...but you do raise some good points Sass.” Fu muttered, he was grateful for today’s technology as it looked as though he was merely speaking into a Bluetooth speaker, a gift from Marinette, one of many. She had explained it was a good way to speak to the kwami without anyone getting suspicious. Truly the girl was a creative soul, and very smart.

“And, if I may say so Master, this world is not the one of old. The rules made for then do not apply to now, at least that is what myself, Sass, and other kwami believe. The traditional rules demanded our power not be used unless there are other Miraculi active or if the world we inhabit is well and truly on its way to destruction.” Long began after a moment of silence. “Even the word hero has changed, it became a role we never anticipated. I think it is time we change the rules and our views, otherwise, we stand no chance in this new world Wang Fu.”

Fu found himself short of words. Long was right, in all the years he had been alive he had watched the world change, it was a beautiful frightening thing to behold. Yet, in all those years of change, he never thought to change himself along with the world. He had been so stuck in guilt and fear that he mentally trapped himself in a prison of his own design, a prison shaped like a temple that had been lost long ago. There was no excuse really, the truth was plain and simple, Fu was scared. Scared that if he broke the rules that were trained into him from a young age then there would be no redemption, there would be no point in his survival. But the world had changed and maybe Fu did too and could change for the better, because even if the threats to the world weren’t imminent, they were persistent and prominent.

Change was good.

“You believe this change we need is to stay active?” He asked after a while.

“I believe that is a step, yes.” Longg responded and Fu could hear the smile in his voice. “This world needs help and we...we need help too.”

“Longg iss right. You were correct in giving all of uss involved a talking to. At the time we didn’t want to lissten, but the factss are we kwami no longer know how to connect and coexisst in this world with humanss.” Sass admitted, and it was another shock for Fu but at the same time, what they were saying was convincing and true. All of them, not just the kwami, Fu included, had been sheltered away from the world. It was not the advantage Fu or even past Guardians thought it was.

The sounds of children’s laughter brought Fu out of whatever reply he found worthy to give Sass and Longg, he kind of wished Wayzz would give his opinion on the matter but he understood why the kwami was letting his brethren speak their mind. Fu looked around to see where his walk had taken him and felt a pang in his heart and his breath stolen from him for a moment, he had walked to the park next to Marinette’s home. For a while all he did was stand there and take it in before he gave himself a wry smile and decided to take a seat on one of the benches near the fountains. It was a spot Marinette had told him was one of her favorites to sketch at. Sitting there brought fresh tears to his eyes, tears he thought were all cried out.

“I think you two are right, but we will not rush into this. We need to be smart about this.”

“I believe that is the wise thing to do, Master.” Wayzz finally gave his opinion along with a small discrete nuzzle to Fu’s cheek.

“As do I, my friend. As do I.” He chuckled in response.

After that the kwami let him sit there in silence and just reflect and remember. Truly he was grateful for that. He needed some quiet to himself, not the quiet of his home, that was a tense quiet that put an ache in his bones. No he needed this quiet, the quiet of being alone in your thoughts while hearing the noise of everything around you. Sass and Longg both had great points and though he loathed to admit it, if something did happen he wasn’t sure he would be able to do anything or at the very least get help. Fu didn’t like to think about his age much, he didn’t even celebrate his birthday before Marinette, because his age showed how long he had run from his guilt and it showed him his limitations. It would be best to have a team on standby just in case, and besides maybe they could help with just regular crime and disasters too. Yes a team really would benefit them all, but the who of it was where he was struggling.

He already decided he would not give out Tikki and Plagg...they weren’t ready to be out again and he couldn’t imagine giving the earrings to anyone but Marinette. He feared what Tikki’s reaction would be if he even considered the idea. No, it was best that those Miraculi stayed in the box, along with Duusuu who was still healing from being damaged and misused. He would consider Mlle Tsuguri and M Couffaine again as heroes, after all he was intimately familiar with making a mistake, and they made a mistake but they were trying to do the right thing. They were also Marinette’s most trusted friends, she trusted them with her secrets and her friendship, that was enough for Fu. Though he would still test them to see if they could handle being heroes once more. Adrien...Adrien he didn’t know what to do with. With everything that happened he had no way of knowing if their talks did anything. He hoped beyond hope they did because he truly believed that Adrien was a good kid at heart.

“Look who’s here guys! Timebreaker! What are you doing here? You going to bully us until we disappear too?” Fu heard and he immediately looked up to see a young girl with pink hair surrounded by a couple of other kids her age. He recognized her...ah yes, Alix Kubdel, Marinette had spoken of her a couple times when she told him of her friends and school.

“Careful guys, I wouldn’t touch her, what if we vanish if we do?” One of the girls in the group said with anything but fear in her voice.

Fu frowned and pushed himself up to stand, he couldn’t stand the way the group laughed and seeing as no one else was going to interrupt, he would. “What is this? École?” He paused and saw a girl with long blonde pigtails and a parasol and another with a bob of black hair. He recognized them too, the weather girls from TV that Kaalki liked to watch, Aurore Beauréal and Mireille Caquet.

“Oh back off Aurore.” One of the boys of the group of teasing teens scoffed.

“How about you back off Jackson,” Mireille said which seemed to surprise the lot, “You’ve seen what words can do. We all have.”

“Mireille is right.” Aurore announced, her voice demanding attention. “We are lucky that Hawkmoth is gone, but that does not mean you get to treat people like place mats. Any of you. Just because your victims can’t turn into puppets of a madman to get revenge on you anymore doesn’t give you the right to act like crétins. Shame on all of you.”

“If you insist on acting like children in école, maybe we should just call your parents and let them know how you are behaving. I’m sure they would love to know.” Mireille said with an innocent looking smile.

Fu smiled when the group grumbled and walked away from Mlle Kubdel, he watched as the two weather girls looked her over and spoke to her before the young girl shouldered past them both and ran. The girls looked devastated but all Fu could think of was how heroic it was for them to step up like that. “Heroic indeed…” He mumbled to himself.

[purplellamanator]

So, I'm sorry I don't really know what to call this and did not give it a name- but, this is a product heavily inspired by these head-canon's created and posted by @detectivegeekshin! Please check them out if you haven't already! (if you're following me though you probably already did :D) This is insanely long though and I hope ya'll like it! Sorry @detectivegeekshin that it took me so long! I've been working on this for more than two months I think- so again, sorry!!! Thank you for allowing me to use your ideas to make, what was supposed to be a drabble, story and I hope I did your head-canon's justice! Please excuse my grammar mistakes! I tried my best to clean it up! Thank you again!

Read below the cut for the story :)

Stealing wasn't exactly the word he wanted to use. He didn't consider himself to be a thief. Was it really even stealing if he was taking it from someone it didn't actually belong to? Shinichi didn't think so.

And it wasn't about giving the wealth back to the poor. He wouldn't necessarily call himself Robin Hood either. It was about returning something to its rightful place; to the rightful owner.

It was wrong. All of it. It went against the very morals he himself created to follow when he first decided he'd be the greatest detective of the era. Stealing was wrong no matter if it was stealing something that was already stolen. It was the law and if the law was followed, then it would work out correctly in the end either way.

But that way of thinking wasn't always true. He realized that the longer he worked in this business and the more experience he gathered. It would be a nice world to live in when the law could fix everything. And unfortunately he wasn't naïve enough to actually believe that world existed anymore.

The first time he did it, it had gone against every fiber of his being. The mental crisis he thrusted his entire being into had sidelined him for weeks. So ashamed, Shinichi couldn't bring himself to work on another case. What right did he have? To expose criminals for killing? For kidnapping? For stealing?

He had no right. He was no better than those criminals. Because that was what he was now- a criminal.

The stress and just anxiety that this put him under- Shinichi considered dropping his dream of being a detective. His morals and guilt had been tearing him apart inside.

Until he turned on the news and remembered why he did what he did.

A woman was crying. They were tears of joy and happiness. And she was thankful. Thankful that the heirloom that had gone missing for decades had miraculously found its place back on her dresser. That she had no idea who or how it happened but she was grateful to whomever had given her this.

And that was when Shinichi was reminded of what finally pushed him to this. What made him crack.

He was a detective and he had done his job. He found the precious necklace that had eluded every private eye hired before him. He located it and all they had to do was retrieve it and return it back where it belonged.

But the police couldn't. They needed warrants and that took time. Time they did not have enough of. It would be sold once more on the black market and disappear likely for another decade before they were even served.

The adrenaline that had coursed through him when he finally decided what he would do. He had never felt more satisfied. There had been no disguises; no gimmicks. Just himself. His own face and his own brain. And they still hadn't caught him. It had been easy. So much easier than waiting on the courts.

After that day he saw the news, Shinichi had walked with his head held higher than any other day. He didn't know why exactly. It wasn't like anybody else besides him knew what he had done. No one but him was aware that the woman got that necklace back because of his own actions. Yet hearing people congratulate and whisper about how amazing the mystery was made him smug.

Shinichi told himself it would be a one time thing. Seeing that woman from before distraught and sobbing that her family's prized possession would likely never be returned in her lifetime- it had done something to him. It made him act. Even though he usually did so well detaching himself emotionally from his cases, that one alone had gotten to him. But he'd do better next time. Even if the outcome would be bittersweet and leave him feeling like he failed, he could not do it again. No matter who the victim was or if they cried.

But he didn't stick to that clearly because he did it again a month later, and then soon after that, and again after that.

His excuse each time- he had done so well not getting caught before. What could it hurt to do it again? It was easier. It was faster. With his genius he was sure he would get away with it no matter how many times he tried this. He couldn't be caught. He couldn't be beat. He was just too . . good at it.

Until he wasn't.

He had gotten too cocky; too arrogant. He should've stopped while he was ahead. He had gotten away with it so many times and yet he kept pushing it. And he pushed the boundaries each time. He got more and more careless than the last. And now he was stuck explaining to the last person he ever wanted to find out, why he was parading around as some law abiding detective when he was really a thief.

In the midst of his newly found hobby, Ran- one of his best friends, had realized he was not acting the same as usual. Shinichi didn't allow her to join him to certain cases anymore. He would be secretive about where he was going afterwards as well as if she had somehow already been there, he had even told her to straight up leave.

He should've known that Ran would notice something sooner. It wasn't like him to ever hide things from her and it definitely was not normal for him to tell her to leave a crime scene- unless it was a rather dangerous one. Cases that had to do with robbery didn't normally fall under that. Those were the cases he'd usually rather her witness. She didn't like anything with too much gore and like any normal person, she got scared if she even saw a corpse.

But each time he told her to leave or that she shouldn't follow him. Most of the time he did lie and say it was because he worried it would turn violent. Other times he didn't give a reason. And he definitely should've noticed her suspicion because he normally loved having her witness his cases and deductions. He liked impressing her.

Unfortunately, he didn't notice in time that he was actually worrying her. His sudden change was concerning to her and she ended up following him when he said the Inspector had called and asked for him to come by the station.

Shinichi never went to the station. There had never been a call. Instead, donning his change of clothes, he took a train almost a full hour out till he reached his actual destination.

When he said he had started pushing the boundaries, he had meant it. No longer did his thefts remain with cases within the Japanese Police. He started digging for unresolved cases in the black markets.

The entire time Ran had been tailing him. She had followed him the entire way and he hadn't noticed a single thing, which he didn't know if he should be annoyed by or impressed.

When he had almost been shot however and Ran's foot suddenly came down on the guards head, he settled on being impressed. Because though he was furious she had followed him into such a dangerous underground location, she had saved his ass. And it didn't help that Ran was aware of that fact.

She hadn't pressured him for an explanation. Shinichi thought she would yell at him and demand to know what he was doing and why. Ran hadn't done any of that. Instead, she took it upon herself to be his lookout as he finished what he originally set out to do.

Ran kept her thoughts to herself at first. It had made him nervous considering he was expecting her anger. When he hadn't gotten it, he didn't know what to expect now. Her moral compass was just as strong as his had been. When she realized what he was doing- and she definitely already had, he could only assume it'd upset her. Why wouldn't it? At this point he was no better than-

"Are you Kaito Kid?"

Kaito Kid. Obviously he knew who she was talking about. And it was actually insulting and ticked him off.

What he did took more skill. He wasn't some magic freak with a couple fog machines and pet doves. He had no disguise. If Shinichi wanted something, he walked in there and took it. With his own face.

With a stony expression, he denied the accusation. As far as he was concerned, he always thought of the Phantom Thief as, exactly that, a thief. Truthfully, he hadn't run into the magician too much after his new found discovery. And at the thought he realized that it must mean Kid wasn't after just any treasure. He must've been looking for something in particular which reminded him that he didn't know the guy's actual motive behind his crimes. Maybe like him, he realized, Kid might have a valid reason for turning to crime.

When he started sympathizing with a criminal however he noticed how far in his own crimes he actually was.

Ran took his denial in stride. She didn't seem all that surprised by his response. She clearly didn't actually think he was the Phantom Thief. But oddly enough, she didn't really ask for an explanation. If he wasn't doing this as Kid, then why was he doing it? She didn't claim to want to know.

Oddly enough, that annoyed him as well. It should be a good thing she wasn't drilling him for answers. She was just accepting what he was doing and not going to stop him.

"You're that vigilante thief they're talking about all over the news. . . aren't you? The Night Baron?"

Night Baron? Out of all the things, that's what they decided to go with? And though it was exactly what he was, the word vigilante left a bad taste in his mouth.

This accusation was different however. Unlike the Phantom Thief one, she uttered this one with confidence. If he denied this, Ran would not believe him. There was no point in trying anyway when she had literally caught him in the act.

It took him aback a little that she had caught on so easily. The Night Baron wasn't as common in the news. He hadn't been doing this nearly as long as the other well known thief. It made him question if she'd been contemplating this for awhile. How long had she suspected him? And how could she not say this without any ounce of anger?

"Well. . . I have faith in you, Shinichi," she finally said when he asked. "I know you and I know you wouldn't be doing this unless you had a good reason or you thought it was right."

"And what you're doing is right. The Night Baron helps people."

The amount of trust she put in his character made him feel warm inside. It was embarrassing but that sentiment made the corners of his eyes almost prickle. Shinichi hadn't realized how desperately he had wanted to hear those words. He thought he had come to terms with his guilt. But clearly he had not if hearing Ran say that almost made him get choked up.

Ran didn't think less of him for losing his morals. She didn't look at him in disgust. She approved of it. She encouraged him for doing it. No explanation given yet and she had already determined that what he did, he did for good. He had no desire or intention for personal gain. And he had never felt like someone had ever seen him so clearly before.

Again, she didn't push for his actual reasonings. Based off her earlier assumptions, she likely already knew them. But though it was clear she didn't think it, he didn't want to risk her assuming he was some mindless criminal. Without her prompting, he gave his explanation.

The law wasn't enough sometimes. And though it was sad and went against what he engrained in his own head, this was the best and more efficient option. After all, if you want something done correctly, do it yourself then, right?

Ran hadn't so much as flinched. And it was staggering.

"You're not upset?" He couldn't help the disbelieving tone he used. It was almost a little concerning she wasn't more opposed to this.

Ran shrugged. "I am a little. Clearly you've been doing this by yourself and lying to me when you could've just told me."

Tell her? Why would he want to tell her?

"Shinichi, you were almost shot. Clearly you need help doing this."

Absolutely not.

That had been his initial reaction. If he ever for some reason got caught, it would likely drag her down with him. And that was the last thing he wanted.

But after sleeping on it for a quite a few days, and also that he couldn't sneak off anymore once Ran realized what he was going, Shinichi began to see the possible perks to working with a partner. And not just any partner but Ran specifically.

She was smart. He was definitely the mastermind behind all of their plans but that was not to say Ran couldn't come up with a plan of her own. Her insight gave another perspective that sometimes, he never would've thought of. If she didn't like an idea, she said it. If she thought they should do something else, she told him. Shinichi wasn't perfect. He missed things sometimes. It was good to have her pair of eyes as well.

It was just as helpful to have her brute strength as well. He assumed most would find it somewhat emasculating to be physically weaker than their female counterpart. Shinichi didn't mind at all. He was strong as well but admittedly, there were things Ran could do that he could not. Like denting a wall with her bare fist.

With Ran added into the picture, it came with even more possibilities. And perks.

The one person he didn't want to have to lie to, he didn't have to anymore. And they worked close.

He liked that too.

Ran was a good asset and made his job a whole lot easier. He really took note of that fact when instead of climbing through an air duct to sneak into some party, Ran had somehow managed to get them clearance through the front door.

And that wasn't nearly all she was able to do.

Ran is gorgeous. It was the bitter sweet conclusion he came to when Ran easily had the host eating out of the palm of her hand. The guy probably would've just given her the painting they were after if she simply asked properly.

The thought annoyed him.

He always knew he had a thing for Ran. He was pretty sure everybody knew that fact besides the girl herself. He had known her for a long time now. They had been friends since the first year of college. Their friend group was also the same and their parents both had ties to the Japanese Police Force. And she was stunning to look at. He'd argue it would be impossible for him not to take a liking to his friend.

He never told her though. He didn't know if she felt the same and after this partnership they just started, he wasn't sure it was worth the risk. If he tried a move and it scared her off, he'd have to revert to working alone. And he didn't want to do that for more reasons than one.

Like he acknowledged before, Ran was beautiful. He was not alone in that belief. It made it all the more difficult to witness guys flaunt their wealth and good looks in her face. He didn't want to see that. They didn't actually know her. Ran was his friend for three years. They didn't deserve her especially when clearly all they wanted was to undress her. And they were arguably worse criminals than half the people he got locked up.

So it was all instinct when he finally cracked. Some guy whom they didn't know was trying to dance with Ran. And he wasn't just 'trying'. He was touching and caressing her arm. Gritting his teeth, Shinichi couldn't help himself when he wrapped an arm around Ran's waist and tugged her back into his chest.

"I thought the first dance was mine, wife."

It was stupid. He had no idea why he allowed that to slip out. If he didn't have better control of his emotions he probably would've turned flustered all the way to his toes.

Ran's eyes bulged. "W-wife?!"

Honestly, her surprise couldn't be helped. He had totally blindsided her. It was his fault. And he definitely didn't have a valid enough reason to interfere like he did.

Sensing something was off between the couple, the other guy raised a brow as he eyed the arm wrapped firmly around her waist. "You don't recognize your own husband?"

Shinichi wanted to bash his own head against the wall. This was why they weren't supposed to go against the plan. Posing as her husband had definitely not been part of what they discussed earlier. It caused too many questions that they did not prepare beforehand to answer-

A hand suddenly slid up and brushed against his cheek softly. "We're not married just yet, Shin-chan. Only engaged so it's a bit too soon to be saying that," she chastised with a giggle; her acting on point.

Beyond his control, he could feel a slight heat rise to his cheeks. The intimate way she touched his face wasn't helping either. He swallowed hard as he looked down at her eyes, meeting her softened gaze.

"Oh, forgive me. I didn't see the ring."

The ring?

Ring?

A ring!

They didn't even have rings to back up their story-!

It was at that point Shinichi didn't know if the guy was actually apologetic for hitting on a married woman or suspicious that they weren't actually a couple that was engaged.

"No, it's our fault really," Ran said sheepishly. "This dummy here didn't get me the right ring size so it's sadly getting resized."

Shinichi was a little insulted. He would've most definitely did his research to get her the correct ring size before proposing.

After the guy walked away, they both found their way to the dance floor with all the other couples and joined in the slow sway. If asked why, he'd argue it was to back up their story even more. Deep down though, Shinichi knew better.

Ran was oddly silent however.

"Shin-chan?" He grumbled with forced annoyance. At the time it had completely caught him off guard. The nickname that his mother used for him. At the time he figured it was payback for the confusion he started. It didn't mean he hated the name any less.

But just as easily, she quipped back, "Wife?" She raised a brow as if to drive her point and he immediately shut his mouth.

It was definitely payback.

Ran never did question why he stepped in that night. They were on a job after all and he deduced that likely she had already forgotten what he'd done. Besides the little hiccup, every thing else went according to plan. Everything else stayed the same.

Until their next job. And the job after that. And the one after that.

Because that one night when they had taken the painting; it had started a trend of sorts. A trend where one or the either would claim to be in a relationship with the other. Before it had started with a dance which at the time, neither had been prepared for and both were too awkward to acknowledge properly. But the next time they are holding hands and eventually it becomes normal for Ran to hug his arm to her chest or for him to hold her waist.

Each time is a mystery to them. Neither have any idea what they'll be. It was a constant cycle of being married, to dating, to two already taken spouses in a very wanton and promiscuous love affair. And the stories they came up with on the spot were more extravagant and extra than the last. And they were never prepared before hand. Suddenly it was a game for them. How deep could they take this? What tale could they come up with this time? It was getting out hand. The stories were getting more detailed each time, he almost believed the lies himself.

Shinichi didn't usually snap back out of it until he saw her again in class the next day. They weren't childhood friends that had been together since preschool days. He hadn't dramatically confessed his love in London while the Big Ben chimed behind them. They hadn't shared a first kiss at Kiyomizu-dera on a school trip to Kyoto.

And it didn't stop there. If they weren't already talking to each other, they would always be touching in some form. Whether that was by a hand resting against his thigh or his fingers dragging dangerously low on her lower back.

It was a very small line they were tiptoeing against and the blatant flirting they joined in with was starting to toy with his emotions. It was one thing to elaborate or give false truths to further their disguises. It was another entirely to grope each other secretly. There was no witness to convince. Who were they showing off for other than each other?

It was getting increasingly more difficult to act like nothing was going on- or at least nothing was going on with his end. He was stressed and constantly filled with anxiety that at some point these lies would eventually bleed into their actual daily lives. Because when he once again had to suppress the urge to grab her hand as they walked from class, he was realizing once again who they actually were.

They were Shinichi and Ran. A Shinichi and Ran that had met three years ago in a shared psychology class. A Shinichi and Ran that were best friends and nothing more. A Shinichi that had been mooning after the same girl since he first met her. A Ran that as far as he could tell, didn't share that same sentiment.

This whole thing was a dangerous idea where his emotions were involved. And due to his argument that they didn't need to stop this 'charade' or whatever was the proper term to call it, it wasn't a matter of if this would affect their personal lives. It was a matter of when.

Surprisingly, it wasn't him that cracked.

It had been an honest mistake- one Shinichi didn't exactly mind. They had been in a study session with Sonoko and Nakamichi. It was a hot day and they had all taken refuge in the campus library. And to also help combat the heat, Shinichi had a water bottle that he was casually sipping on. One that Ran had easily grabbed from his hands to take a swig out of.

Shinichi didn't mind. He really didn't and truthfully, he probably wouldn't of even noticed if it weren't for the fact all their friends froze to gap at her incredulously. She had done this to him numerous times on a job. Asking for a sip of his champagne or simply stealing a bite of food off his plate. It had been a shock the first time but it in the moment he knew that was likely her intention to get a rise out of him. Now however, he was positive that she had fell into that act by mistake. She didn't mean anything by it, he was sure- not like she used to.

Nakamichi whom had been in the process of reading out his answer for one of the questions on the study guide had trailed off slowly, almost completely floored by what he had witnessed. Sonoko looked like she would fall out of her seat.

It was almost laughable that Ran didn't realize the stares that were being drilled into her. Attempting to keep his face neutral, he nudged his knee into hers gently and it was only at that she finally began to realize her mistake.

Features turning a scorching red, she quickly forced the water back into his hands. "I-I'm so sorry!" she burst. "I have no idea why I did that! I don't know what I was thinking," she sputtered. "I-it was just so hot and I-I-"

She was drowning; sinking further into her panic and he tried to save her.

"Ran, it's okay," he said calmly even though on the inside, he was freaking out just as much as she was. "It's hot outside and I've known you forever. We can share a water bottle." Shinichi was trying to play it cool. For the sake of their image with their friends.

Of course it wouldn't be enough to deter the teases they were sure to receive from their friends but what else could he do? He couldn't very well say she grabbed his by mistake. It had literally been in his hand. He had just drank out of it and been going to sip out of it again when she grabbed it. And he definitely couldn't say that she did this to him all the time when pretending to be his wife.

There was absolutely nothing they could say to excuse this. The whole scene had been way too casual even for the two of them. Sonoko, whom had made numerous jokes that they were actually a married couple, looked like this was too much for even her to comprehend. Because whether she knew he had a thing for Ran or not, anything she said before this had been harmless taunts.

"How long has then been going?!" Sonoko having determined that the study session was now over, pointed between them furiously. And that wasn't just an exaggeration. Sonoko looked irritated. Not because they were seemingly dating but because she had both missed and not been informed when it happened.

But there was nothing to tell. Nothing was going on- or rather nothing in the way she was thinking. No matter how many times they both told her that, the Suzuki heiress did not look convinced. Not even Nakamichi seemed to trust it but unlike the other girl, he thankfully kept his accusations shut till they were in private.

"Look- I'm not saying I'm mad or anything. It just sucks a little that you didn't tell me," his friend finally admitted when they left the two girls at the library.

Neither had been worried or surprised when Sonoko said they would catch up with them later. Shinichi felt bad for abandoning Ran but he knew that Sonoko would want to grill her for answers. It would've been more humiliating for both of them to be present for that.

Nakamichi wasn't nearly as difficult as Suzuki to deal with but Shinichi still found himself rolling his eyes. "I already told you," he said tiredly. "Ran and I are not dating." Shinichi wasn't sure how many more times he would have to say just that. He didn't even know if there was any other way to word what he was trying to get through his friend's apparently thick skull.

Suddenly his friend stopping walking, forcing him to do the same. For some reason his eyes were wide and a slight red was forming on his cheeks. "Oh."

Oh? Shinichi raised a confused brow. "What?"

"Well- I just never thought Ran-chan would ever. . . " Nakamichi trailed off, scratching behind his ear awkwardly. "She just doesn't seem the type, you know?"

Huh?

"Her . . type?"

And then suddenly his friend looked concerned, waving his hands in front of him defensively. "Hey- I'm not judging! Whatever you wanna call it- I support it!"

Suddenly Shinichi was freezing himself. "What the hell are you talking about?" he asked aggravatedly.

"You and Ran-chan aren't dating but you're. . . you know," Nakamichi said pointedly. "You still could've told me though. I'm not going to tell anybody. Have some faith man. We've know each other since grade school."

Shinichi's eyes bulged and all the blood rushed to his face as understanding finally hit him.

"Ran and I aren't dating and we're not doing t-that either!" he exploded.

oOo

Without Ran even needing to tell him, Shinichi knew Sonoko must've given her a hard time afterwards. Nakamichi probably wasn't nearly as difficult to deal with but it still had been an uncomfortable conversation nonetheless.

His friend actually thought that he and Ran were having . . . sex on the side.

He wouldn't be so lucky.

Shinichi was flushing at the thought alone. It had been so humiliating.

But what made it worse however was when Ran actually apologized to him again in private. She reiterated once more that she couldn't understand what she had been thinking in the moment. She also suggested that maybe it would be best to stop pretending. It was mixing them up in real life and confusing for both of them.

A small part of him was crushed by her suggestion no matter how logical it was. It hurt.

Shinichi rejected the idea. He agreed that maybe they could tone it down some. They didn't need to be a couple every time they did a job. But he also argued that sometimes the act actually did make their job easier. And deep down there was another reason he didn't want to share.

Because if they gave up their little charade, then he knew what that would mean. There was no logical circumstance that would allow him to touch her and flirt with her like when they were on a job. And he desperately didn't want to lose that. Even if their act escalated each time.

But he knew Ran had a point.

Their next job was once again at another extravagant and fancy party. And this time, they both arrived alone. The two had snuck in separately and at different times as well. And throughout the entire night, neither acknowledged the other. They acted like perfect strangers.

This time the showcase was a pearl. A pearl that would surprisingly 'go missing' by the end of the night. And like every other job they did, he had a plan that they had gone over in detail numerous times. One that didn't work out at all considering the whole night had been derailed by the sudden appearance of the Phantom Thief.

The moment that magician's calling card appeared, Shinichi knew they'd have to make adjustments to their plan and they needed to do it now. If KID followed and stuck by the time on his announcement, then the pearl they were both after would be long gone by the time they got anywhere near it.

They had to improvise which was difficult without them even talking to each other. Besides that factor added in, throwing Kid into the mix only derailed everything further. If they wanted any hope of beating Kid, then they had to act right then.

To be honest, it wasn't very surprising they were almost caught. It hadn't been particularly smart of him to continue with his intentions of stealing the pearl. Just Kaito Kid being there caused too much of a scene. Any calling card that arrived meant it would soon be followed by police and a camera crew. The Phantom Thief brought media attention wherever he went. It was dumb of him to not just give the pearl to the thief. Especially cause-

Kaito Kid had mentioned the Night Baron in his calling card. He had made it clear he was aware that he wasn't the only thief present with their sights set on the pearl. And he had mentioned the other thief by name.

That gave a lot of insight Shinichi wasn't even sure Kid meant to give. That calling card told the detective that either Kid knew what types of jobs the Night Baron targeted or worse- that he knew the true identity of the Night Baron. And if the latter was correct, then it meant that someone had been watching him for a long time. Someone was probably watching him right now. And if that were the case, Kid knew his entire plan.

The right thing to do would be to pull back. To grab Ran and bail. The plans he had made were done without taking Kaito Kid into account. But if the other thief really had been watching him, then those plans could be tossed out a window. Nothing was worth getting both him and Ran caught and possibly arrested. The logical conclusion was to escape while they could.

Shinichi was too prideful for that. And stubborn. This wasn't his first run-in with the Moonlight Thief. Shinichi had dealt with him quite a few times when helping Inspector Nakamouri or Inspector Meguire. This would however be the first time he ran into the guy when he was on one of his own little side jobs.

And he was not prepared. Fighting against him as a detective had numerous resources. He had the Japanese Police Force at his disposal. As well as when he was working his real job- he did not need to hide his own face. Not only could he be recognized by the police, he had also made a name as a criminal. If somehow his face was linked to the scene of all those crimes- he was done for.

But like the idiot he was, he couldn't help but take this as a challenge. The fact Kaito Kid mentioned him by name in his calling card told him that the thief knew he was there and also he didn't really care nor was he stressed by that.

It wasn't like him to panic. But in the end, that was what he'd done. His actions had been panicked and rushed and honestly- thoughtless. Ran hadn't scolded him at all through the night; probably thinking now wasn't the time when they were running from police officers. Shinichi could just feel her disapproval however. He knew the moment they were out of here and alone at his house, he'd receive the yelling of a lifetime.

Getting an earful would be the least of his worries if they couldn't find a way out of this building. All of the usual exit points had been closed or cut off due to Kid's warning for his appearance. The guy was a showoff and frustrating. Shinichi knew it was all part of the guy's show to leave people wondering just how he made his escape.

Shinichi wanted to throttle him.

Because of that hack of a magician, he'd get caught. Because of him, Ran would get in trouble with him. The two of them had been running nonstop and even if they had the layout of the mansion memorized, it wouldn't help with guards standing at every single entrance and exit- which is what they had been doing the moment Shinichi triggered their alarm.

The panic and just straight anxiety that he felt in that moment, could not be paralleled to anything else in his life. He knew they were running out of options. Usually he was the one with all the plans but he couldn't even gather his thoughts to try to formulate one. All he could think was how much of a sad excuse for a thief, a detective, and a friend he was-

No. If there was one thing he would do, it was to save Ran. He got Ran involved in this and he would not allow her to go down with him. Already he had given up on finding escape. Now all he was trying to do was deduce just how he was going to explain Ran's side of things. He'd force her to pose as his hostage if he had to. He would not allow her to be ruined from this-

Abruptly his thoughts caught off when Ran very suddenly gripped his fingers tightly. When he glanced over in her direction, he found she was already looking at him. They were both running as fast as they could trying to put more and more distance between them and the heavy footfalls coming from behind them. Unlike him however, she did not appear scared or stressed. In fact, while he was internally having a meltdown, Ran shot him a quick but soft smile.

And suddenly she was pushing ahead of him; her fingers still clenching his tightly as she tugged him behind her.

She was taking them further in though, he noticed incredulously. In fact she was taking them towards the rooms. Shinichi had to stare into the back of her head, as if wondering if she'd lost her mind. There was no exit to the outside this far in. Nothing but windows which they already realized was not going to be an option. There would be officers outside each window waiting for them. They would not be able to get far.

Just when he had been about to reprimand her himself, he found himself being tugged to the side again. Ran's goal hadn't been the window. She had pulled him into one of the numerous bedrooms that lined the hall. Which he guessed would be nice for shock value but again, he found himself wanting to question her. Sure hiding in a room would be unexpected at first but he highly doubted they would fail to check these rooms. All it would do is buy them some time before they were eventually captured. And a simple search would prove that he was in possession of the pearl that was currently missing.

They had put quite a bit of distance between them and the task force that was chasing them. They would have a few minutes at most. And he knew exactly what he was going to do with those few minutes.

"Ran, what the hell?" he spun on her only for his eyes to grow bigger even more. He had turned to find her turning on the table lamp and he really thought she had lost it. They were trying to hide. They should be turning lights out, he wanted to yell as he watched her come back over to him. Anything he was meaning to say was gone when she was suddenly pulling him again and he only watched in confusion as she seemed to position him just in front of the table she had walked to.

His eyes bulged when she grabbed one of his hands and placed it around her ribs. And when she placed the other very firmly onto her rear, he turned into a sputtering mess.

"R-Ran . . . " The way he said her name this time was unlike before. It was smaller he knew but it was definitely nervous as well. By this point he was less concerned about the police chasing them than he was about his partner's behavior. He had given up on talking when suddenly she was pressing her palm flat against his chest. He followed the movement with his eyes until her other hand caressed his cheek forcing him to look directly at her.

She wasn't saying anything. And even if he wanted to, she didn't give him enough time to try. Palm on his chest scrunching into a fist, all he could do was gasp when suddenly he was tugged down into a kiss.

He froze. His eyes had bulged even more he was sure and he felt his features flood red- redder than they had been. It was hard for him to comprehend what exactly was happening right now. Ran hadn't given him a chance to process anything and the moment her lips touched his, his mind went blank. He was pretty sure he wasn't even breathing at this point.

She must've felt how frozen he was because suddenly she was pushing forward more, her mouth pressing insistently against his own. As if yelling at him to do something. And that was all he needed.

Taking notice that her eyes were shut, he did the same before he leaned into her willingly. His hand that she had pressed against her rear- that he had left there mostly out of shock, grabbed her and pressed her against him more firmly. The movement made her gasp and going off her response, his other hand rose to bury itself in her hair where he angled her face to fit more comfortably against his.

The kiss was slow but it didn't mean it was any less sensuous. Tongues were brushing against each other, their breath intermingling as it panted against the other's lips. Shinichi wasn't sure exactly why Ran felt the need to kiss him now, but as far as first kisses could go- he wasn't complaining. Was a reason really necessary?

No. He didn't think so.

Was he going to ask her why she was suddenly tugging his shirt from where it was neatly tucked into his pants?

Maybe later- definitely not now though. He didn't question it. He didn't question hearing what sounded like a door opening before being slammed shut. He didn't want to. If Ran wasn't, then why should he? All he knew in that moment was that something that he had been waiting for- something he had been wanting, was finally happening and he wasn't going to waste his time trying to get an explanation of why.

But even without wasting his time, it still wasn't enough. All too soon he felt Ran begin to pull away. Her hands released their tight grip on his shirt and hair and came to rest smoothly against his chest. Shinichi felt the retreat. She was moving away from him. And the realization made him panic.

No. He felt his mind shout. That wasn't enough. It's not enough.

Surging forward, just after their lips had completely separated, he found them slamming against hers once more. This time because of him. And when she gasped into his mouth he just couldn't help himself. Arms gripping her firmly, he turned to the side forcing her into the wall just beside the shelf she had him pressed against. His fingers had never left her hair and instead his fingers buried deeper into the long strands. If the grip was painful, Ran didn't say. If anything, it sounded like she liked it with the way she released a moan into his mouth.

Shinichi had her pressed into the wall, the hand that wasn't angling her face closer to his, gripping the bare skin of her thigh. In the moment, he didn't care to process or wonder just how his hand got through the slit of her dress. All he wanted to do was just get closer and closer and as close as he could get, he concluded as he forced her leg to stay raised against his hip. When it got to the point they needed a second to just breathe, he had his lips slanting across the smooth skin of her neck. From this position he could feel her panting heavily against his ear. He could feel her desperately trying to draw in air to her lungs. He also felt when she stiffened.

When he had practically picked her up, forcing her into the wall, Ran's hands had both slid to the front of his shirt. When she gripped the lapels of his suit coat she had used force to tug his mouth closer to her neck. Suddenly however, he felt that grip slacken.

"I t-think. . . I think they're gone now. . "

That was like a wake up call.

His own common sense kicking in, he remembered where they were. What they were doing. Who was chasing them. Gently, he released his hold of her thigh and set her to rest on her own feet. Taking a glance at her he noticed she was redder than he was.

"I-I'm sorry. I knew they would find us either way so I-I . . improvised. . . "

Improvised?

Improvised.

Still sort of stuck in some dazed haze, it took him longer than it should to understand what exactly she meant.

Improvised, he repeated again in his thoughts.

That was what she kissed him for? Shinichi could remember discreetly at some point the door opening and then slamming shut shortly after. At the time he hadn't really cared that much to question it. He had been way too focused and interested in something else.

Something else that she 'improvised'.

The bitter thought left the same taste is his mouth.

Frowning, and face turning a darker shade, he took a step back.

"Right . . . " he agreed swallowing hard.

Of course they couldn't stay there any longer than they already had. There was always the possibility that the police would realize their mistake and return. If they were smart, they shouldn't be here for if or when that happens. There was no time to just stand there awkwardly. Though that was what he proceeded to do.

The reminder she gave for why they had hid in this room in the first place, did nothing for him. He should've been like her; scrambling to fix their appearance to look somewhat normal. But he couldn't be bothered. Shinichi watched as she hurriedly straightened her dress and finally, began the process of cleaning himself up. His motions were slow and sluggish however compared to her quick and hastened ones. It was only after a few moments of him pulling his tie forward that he realized his shirt was untucked.

"Does my hair look okay?"

All at once he was distracted. Again. Pausing with his shirt, and glancing back at her. Did her hair look okay?

"Yes."

Belatedly he realized what she actually meant. Was her hair fixed? Did she look normal? And still looking at the hair that he knew she had styled meticulously beforehand, it was tangled and frizzed. The long strands were very obviously out of place.

He startled a little when suddenly Ran was just before him, brushing her fingers through his hair. He was taller than her so she was on her toes, stretching to reach his height. He acknowledged that but seemed to struggle to realize maybe he should lean down to make it easier for her. The thought didn't occur to him. Not at first anyway. Once the thought hit that maybe she was trying to kiss him again, he found himself bending down. Her face was close to his again and he caught the scent of whatever it was she was wearing.

The sudden movement clearly caught her off guard and his eyes that had apparently been focused on her mouth watched as she didn't pull away, but instead rested flat on her feet again. Her hands were still in his hear however and he had to take a moment to wonder if she was going to use that to grab him again.

"Shinichi! What are you doing?" she practically hissed the question; her movements still hurried. "You look like a mess. Hurry up!"

And with a blushing face he realized that no, she wasn't trying to kiss him again. She was trying to fix his hair because it looked ridiculous. And he was just standing there, taking his time. Like an idiot.

Hearing noises in the distance however, they had run out of time. Immediately whatever stupor he had been in, broke and not willing to use anymore time, they bolted.

Shinichi was sure they looked like quite the pair. There was no way people would look at them and think they hadn't done something. He guessed that meant the plan worked but it didn't make it any less humiliating having to push through snickering guests that 'just knew what they'd been up to'.

They hadn't been up to anything however. Just 'improvising'.

And all he had said in response was, 'right'.

Shinichi hated how that one word was all he said. It gave the impression that they were on the same page. And if that was all that kiss was to her, then clearly they weren't. In the moment he hadn't the brain to make the connection between her actions and the situation they had been stuck in.

He wasn't surprised he didn't get her intentions to begin with. Unlike her, it never crossed his mind to use that as a . . disguise? And the fact that they didn't think exactly alike is what saved them.

But he was still mad.

It was laughable and dramatic and infuriating. Because he couldn't do or say anything in response and he knew it. How could he be angry? How could he complain if her plan actually worked? Yeah, sure his pride was hurt and he was a little embarrassed when he realized they were not on the same page. But he could admit, hurt feelings were easier to deal with than jail time.

It didn't mean he couldn't feel the sting still.

Shinichi knew why it hurt so much. He knew the real reason. Because for once he actually believed that Ran saw him as he saw her. Not just best friends or partners in crime but maybe something . . . more.

They had met years prior in a shared class on psychology. And he didn't want to say it was love at first sight but- it was definitely a lasting first impression.

He knew from early on that he held interest there. An interest that was built upon by the constant joint study sessions and realization that they also held numerous moral similarities. They were just pursuing them in different ways. She wanted to be a lawyer and he wanted to be a detective. Quite often he'd make the joke that they'd be an unstoppable pair in law enforcement; jokes that deep down held a hint of seriousness that, at the time, he hoped she didn't notice.

The truth was much harder to swallow. It had come like a bucket of ice, cold water dumped over his head. It felt like a slap to his face. A stone, hard slap of reality. His subtly backfired or rather- his lack of action did. Because again, how could he be mad when he never made his desires known?

He was a real coward. He never could bring himself to confess no matter how often the thought occurred to him. The excuse being- Ran had never gave any indication that she felt the same. Shinichi didn't want to ruin the strong bond they already had; their friendship that they had built on for years. It just wasn't worth the risk when he couldn't be confident in her answer nor her reaction.

But then she kissed him. His whole mind had shut down. And when they separated, possibilities flooded him. He could confess or was a confession really necessary at this point? Ran liked him. Ran wanted him.

That's what he first thought. So he responded. He had kissed her back. And if that already wasn't an obvious display of his feelings, he had acted like a totally catatonic fool directly afterwards.

Once they knew they were in the clear, Ran had become oddly silent. And distanced. She wouldn't meet his gaze and her cheeks were still a suspicious amount of pink. She seemed extremely fidgety to be beside him and the moment they said their goodbyes for the night, she had bolted.

Shinichi didn't know what he had been expecting exactly. An apology? Maybe even a confrontation over his obvious infatuation with her? But she had said nothing. And she had fled like the police were still chasing them.

Maybe what made it worse was that he couldn't be sure if it was because she had kissed him or, that she realized how he saw her and she panicked. Neither meant well for him. Both gave the impression that kissing him made her uncomfortable.

Shinichi wanted to punch something.

And his shirt still needed to be tucked in.

He got more than halfway of doing that before he remembered he was already home and began asking himself why exactly he was fixing it now. He had no need to do it now and grumbling irritatedly to himself, he instead began taking it off.

They didn't take on another job for almost an entire month after that. Waiting in between gigs wasn't unusual but not planning the next however, was. Normally by this point, he'd already be casing their next event. By this time he would've already consulted Ran.

He had done neither.

Instead, he went to school as normal and also continued helping Inspector Meguire when prompted. Nothing appeared different except the absence of their little side cases.

And that Ran was avoiding him.

It wouldn't of been as bad if it wasn't for their friends noticing that something was off. It also didn't help that even the media was pointing out the unusually long hiatus for the Night Baron.

"So about this . . . thing . . that's not really a thing with Mouri-san. . . Do you wanna talk about it?"

And there was his other issue. Shinichi had long given up trying to explain to Nakamichi that absolutely nothing romantic was going on between him and Ran. Now, after their earlier predicament, it became even more difficult to deny. His friend was convinced that the two were simply trying to keep it under wraps. That for some reason they didn't want anybody to know they were seeing each other. Nakamichi had already switched to asking why exactly Mouri-san wanted to hide things because he was confident the two were already together and that there was no way Shinichi would be the one wanting to hide it.

Grudgingly, Shinichi wasn't sure if he should be insulted by that last comment. Deeming that Nakamichi was correct and there was absolutely no way he'd want to hide the fact they were dating, Shinichi decided to keep his mouth shut. If they were dating, he wouldn't want to hide it. If they were dating, he'd walk home with her instead of his dork of a friend. If they were dating, he wouldn't have to explain why she suddenly decided to drink from his drink at a group study session. If they were dating, it would've been his idea to kiss the life out of her while running from the police. If they were dating-

Hand flying to his head, he could feel the strands of his hair getting scrunched between his fingers. And just as quickly as the tangent had started in his head, it stopped. As if the only thing keeping it all together was his hand against his head.

What was he thinking? He mentally hissed at himself as his teeth clenched. Entertaining Nakamichi's story. He was spiraling in his own thoughts and elaborating an idea that had not, and by the looks of it, would not be happening. Ran and him hadn't even spoken properly to each other since the last job. If they did, it was curt, in passing, or in the presence of someone else. Meaning it was a guarantee they could not discuss anything that had happened- her actions nor his seemingly obvious to him confession. Which all he could do was assume that was her intention.

He wanted to pull his hair from his scalp, it was so frustrating. Was he supposed to take this as a rejection? Was he not worth the time to say she wasn't interested directly to his face? Or did she think he would not accept her refusal? Did she think that low of him? He wouldn't lie- he liked her a lot. The rejection would hurt but they could at least be friends still. She didn't need to run from him as if he had the plague. Shinichi swore he could see the panic in her face anytime she happened to stumble upon him unexpectedly.

The space that stretched between them seemed to be widening. And worried the gap would become much too big to mend, Shinichi did the only thing he could do.

He found them another job.

At first, his intentions had been different. He had wanted to use this as a way to get her to talk to him; to address what exactly happened between them almost a month ago. If it was on a job, that was a guarantee they would have a moment alone. But at the realization of how that would probably make Ran feel- he paused. He would be cornering her. And that realization made him wince internally.

Shinichi didn't want Ran to feel trapped. He didn't want her to feel like she couldn't talk to him anymore just because she didn't want him the same way. They could be friends still. He wanted that more than anything. The rest, he could learn to deal with. He was well aware more than anybody about how kind Ran was. Her silence was most likely her way of sparing his feelings and easing her guilt about not returning his affections. She didn't need to feel guilt though. She wasn't obligated to feel any certain type of way. Ran didn't owe him anything regardless of how much he wanted it.

If he had considered it, he knew Ran must've come to the same conclusion- that he was trying to force her to talk. It would likely explain why she took her time responding to his invitation of working again. Her response had come in the middle of the night when he must've been dead asleep. Shinichi had only noticed the text message after turning his alarm off that morning.

Shinichi hated to think it, but Ran's presence- in a roundabout way- likely did more harm than good for his well being. He had already gotten a little risker the more jobs he took on. He acted rash and with no regard for his own safety after a certain point. Once Ran's presence in the form of an accomplice was assured, the possibilities became endless. And so did the risk. If Ran hadn't been there backing him, he surely would've been done for numerous times. He knew that. But that was also why he even attempted those risks.

Having their first real interaction since their last job being another mission, was a mistake. Not addressing what had happened between them before starting this, was a mistake. He acknowledged that when Ran still wouldn't even look at him directly. She definitely made sure to keep her distance as well.

Shinichi had already decided before meeting up that he would not be mentioning 'that job'. It wouldn't be right and it wouldn't be fair of him to try that. Clearly however, Ran hadn't grasped that yet. Any moment he would be about to start talking, she would tense. As if preparing herself for the inevitable.

That meant she knew this could've been a perfect moment for him to question her. She knew that, yet she came anyway. Not even the possible awkward conversation of unrequited feelings would she leave him to fend for himself. She had started joining him on these jobs to defend him in the first place. Whether she didn't want him the same or not, it was still nice to know that at least that wouldn't change.

He just wished that she would relax. There was no way for him to tell her he wouldn't talk about it without actually bringing it up. By the time she might've understood that, they had already put their 'plan' into motion. If it could even be called that. How could they plan when neither could even look the other in the face let alone have a conversation?

This whole night was a bad idea. Shinichi had the feeling throughout the night and as things progressed, it only got worse. Why would he even think this was a good idea? Any person with half a brain would've just dodged the bullet and asked to have the conversation. He had already come to terms in his head that clearly she didn't want him that way. He knew that. Her avoidance spoke louder than anything she could ever tell him. Yet he also knew, hearing it aloud and in the open provided a confirmation her silence didn't give.

Shinichi needed to hear it; aloud. Regardless if deep down he already knew. He needed it. If anything for his piece of mind and for closure. He had pined for her for a long time. Moving on would not be easy. It would take time. But the process wouldn't begin until she gave her refusal outright.

Having all of this sit on him, literally weighing down on his mind, just before a job was dumb. Her presence was only making it more difficult as was her refusal to even properly acknowledge him. He wasn't doing much better, he'd admit. But he had tried to bridge that gap and Ran wasn't reaching from her end.

How Ran felt was everything to him. Shinichi didn't want his presence to be uncomfortable for her. He was doing everything- even down to the plan- to show it was okay. She didn't have to feel the same way. It was fine. He would be fine.

Where as normally they would walk in as a couple when it came to balls and galas, he decided they could work this one a little more separately. Shinichi was doing everything he could possibly think of, to show her that he didn't want to make her uncomfortable. And after the revelation a month ago, pretending to be his wife would surely do that.

Ran only got more tense. And that only made him more nervous. Neither a good sign when communication and teamwork was the most important aspect to be able to successfully carry out these jobs. That should've been the biggest indicator that once again, this was a bad idea.

He messed up. He knew that. Even in the moment when he forcibly shoved that guy away from her, he knew he was the one at fault. There was no reason for his actions. No logical one anyway. The only thing that powered him in the moment was jealousy. It fueled and burned through him stronger than anything he could remember. Nothing had ever cut off his thought process so quickly. Not even the time Ran kissed him.

But this was not what he'd been expecting when Ran said she would 'make an opening for him'. The sensation that sunk deep into the pit of his stomach was similar to being sick. That was the feeling he got when watching Ran disappear into a hallway with the 'owner' of this gem.

He didn't trust it. Not the look in the guy's eye nor the impatient tug he seemed to give Ran. Shinichi didn't trust any of it. And no, it had nothing to do with his jealousy. It was for Ran's safety that he followed them; that instead of going the clear way his partner indicated, that he trailed behind the two out of sight.

Nothing to do with his personal emotions at all.

Peeking around the corner to find his partner pushed against a door about to be kissed however was, again, nothing he had been expecting. Yet the reaction was instantaneous.

This anger he felt was different. This was a different kind of rage that reared its head forward. A nasty emotion he had never experienced so strongly. With a mixture of fury, possessiveness, and just about anything in-between, before his brain could even catch up and actually think- he was already across the hall and shoving the man roughly.

Ran seemed as surprised as the guy. Her eyes had bulged when suddenly the arms that had been bracing her weight disappeared. She stumbled in her satin dress but Shinichi was too furious to help her straighten. His attention was too focused on the creep that was still on the floor, mostly in shock. Shinichi had pushed him hard. Probably too hard if it was able to knock the guy off his feet but in the moment, he could care less. There was nothing that could be said to him then that would make him believe this guy didn't deserve it. He had been touching Ran. That was enough for him.

After finally realizing what just happened, the guy's eyes shot up to look at him angrily. Shinichi wasn't sure exactly what made the guy do it. He honestly thought he just initiated a fist brawl. But likely taking one look at the simple fury on his face, the guy stood up while wiping the blood off his bottom lip; the anger gone from his eyes and instead a smirk that was anything but happy. With a promise to get security for the both of them, the guy exited the hall from where they had come.

They couldn't let him go; not if they wanted their plan to succeed. Both of them had to know that. But neither of them did a thing till he was long out of sight.

It was Ran that reacted first. It was his turn to be shoved as she pushed her hands against his chest angrily.

"What are you doing?" She questioned him furiously. And from that alone he realized the shove was more out of panicked frustration than any real anger.

Shinichi was fine with that. He was sure he had enough anger for the both of them.

"No- what are you doing?" His voice was incredulous just like his face.

"I thought my job. You said to get close to him. You told me to make sure he was distracted."

"I didn't mean like that."

Ran sighed as if she were exhausted. "Well what did you mean, Shinichi?"

"I-I don't know- just anything except making out with him," he snapped and in his frustration he couldn't help but stutter.

"Why are you getting so upset?"

It was clear to him then before she even spoke that Ran understood he was mad. He knew that when her eyes softened towards him. But from her question, she clearly couldn't understand why he was mad. And if possible that was making him angrier. Because from his last sentence alone, it should be obvious why he was upset. If they took away everything that had happened between them a month ago, with his words alone that he spoke tonight, her answer was still right in front of her. He wasn't understanding why she just wasn't getting it.

"Y-you can't do something like that!"

"And why can't I? I swear you don't make any sense to me, Shinichi. I was only doing what I thought you wanted."

She was only trying to make his job easier for him. And if he weren't so heated he'd recognize that what she had been trying to do really would've made the job easier. That disgusting lowlife would've been so distracted. But to achieve that in that way was unacceptable to him.

"Why would I want you to kiss him?"

"Why would you not?" she countered.

His eyes blazed. "Are you actually serious?" he asked incredulously.

"You're mad." The way she stated it- it wasn't a question. It was a fact. And he was mad. He was so furious it was almost insane how personally he had taken this. Because this wasn't acting for him. It had never been. He never had to pretend to feel more for her. This was something he wanted. Not just on jobs but all the time. Him and Ran together. Him and Ran being a couple.

And he knew he had no right to be so upset. She never gave any indication that this would happen outside of their side jobs. He was the one that was turning it into something it wasn't meant to be- a reality. But she could at least do him the courtesy of not acting clueless. He had clearly kissed her that night without any other intention except that he simply wanted to. She knew that. She wouldn't of avoided him in their regular daily lives if that weren't the case.

He needed to step back. It was too soon to come back to this when clearly he wasn't over it. There wouldn't be another job until he could get over his feelings for her. And if that never happened, so be it. He was done with this conversation.

Shaking his head, Shinichi went to walk away. "Forget it."

Ran being quicker than him however, shot forward and gripped his arm. "How am I supposed to 'forget it'? You're obviously angry. Just tell me why." And for the first time in this conversation, he saw that she was actually beginning to get mad.

He had already decided what he would do though and instead he just shook his head again. "If you don't get it on your own, then it doesn't matter," he responded calmly.

Ran obviously rejected that idea.

"It matters to me! I played my part in your plan. I was going to do something I didn't even want to do-"

He wanted to argue that he never forced her to join him as the Night Baron. But it didn't matter now because this would be the last time.

"-so you could grab a stupid rock-"

That rock could sell for over 500,000 yen, he wanted to say but instead he remained stoic.

"-and you just storm in here like a jealous boyfriend-"

He was jealous. But he wasn't going to engage in this any further.

"-which we're not together-"

They're not. He knew that. He would work on it.

"-which you made that perfectly clear in your plan-"

He knew they weren't together. That's why he switched up their usual plan-

...

"What?!"

Shinichi was actually stunned into silence. There wasn't a lot that could do that for him either. But to bring up the plan that he made specifically to make her comfortable and complain about it, had him even more aggravated. She seemed like she wanted to continue but he wasn't about to allow that to slide.

"What is that supposed to mean?" he finally cut her off, not even paying attention to what she was currently saying. His earlier idea to just let this whole thing go, vanished as quickly as it had come.

Probably thinking she said too much, her tone got quiet and her face went pink.

Regardless of her obvious embarrassment however, she didn't try to take back what she said. "There's other ways to say you're not interested besides pushing me to the side for some side act. You could've told me how you felt. I wouldn't of left you to do this alone," she said with that hint of frustration still there.

But Shinichi was still stuck. Because now nothing was making sense to him. After all this time and he thought he finally figured out why Ran was avoiding him before, what she was saying now completely contradicted all of that.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he flat out asked.

A frown marred her features. "You know what we usually do as these kinds of parties. You know what . . acts work better here. And you changed that on purpose," she accused.

"You avoided me!" was the only thing he could bring himself to say.

"Only because I didn't know what to do!" she raised her voice with a completely flustered face now.

"How about talking to me-"

"Woah, woah, woah!" Immediately their shouting was cut off; both of them jerking in shock before going on the defensive. They were still on a job after all. But once they saw just who it was that had the audacity to interrupt their argument, they both froze with widened eyes and slackened jaws.

Kaito Kid didn't seem to care if he was intruding or not. For some reason, he looked frustrated as he stormed out behind a pillar.

"Are you two actually kidding me?" And the other pair watched as he came closer without a care.

"Some of us are actually trying to work. I've literally been sitting alone in that room waiting and neither of you came to do anything. I could've bailed an hour ago while you guys were griping during a heist. Not to mention the guy I had to knock unconscious on my way over here," he jabbed a thumb behind him and lo and behold the guy he had shoved to the ground was currently leaning unconscious against the far wall. But the Phantom Thief didn't seem to be through.

"Which- how has this not been resolved yet?"

Shinichi and Ran both flushed scarlet and taking that as his answer, Kid threw his hands up in frustration.

"I swear there has been absolutely no progression between the two of you since the first time I saw you. Do you have any idea how obnoxious  that is for a bystander?"

"She avoided you because she kissed you and actually liked it," he pointed a finger at Ran who flushed brighter at his words before turning it to Shinichi next who went pale, "and he changed the plan because he thought you avoiding him meant you didn't like it!"

"Do you see how easy that was? Is there anything that you two do not understand?"

At their mutual silence, Kaitou Kid shook his head aggravatedly before spinning around, his cape billowing out behind him. "And you guys are my rivals?" he grumbled bitterly under his breath. "You guys better have this sorted out before next time."

Even long after Kid left, the two remained standing there completely frozen. They both were staring at where the thief had made his exit but neither seemed to want to break the silence first. Neither wanted to be the first to confirm or deny the accusations thrown at them.

Instead, realizing that they were still very much in the open with an unconscious body and that this job was definitely ruined, Shinichi turned a glance towards Ran. Unsurprisingly she was avoiding looking at him again and her face was still insanely red. But his was too and if it were for the same reason. . . then they had a lot to discuss.

"Do-" he started before cutting himself off. He wasn't sure if now was the right time when they were standing in the hall of one of their heists after having a shouting match. But when her eyes flit up to his quickly at the sound of his voice and saw they looked hopeful, he didn't care.

"Do you want to get something to eat. . . with me?" And then he cleared his throat realizing how informal that sounded and that he better be clear because obviously she didn't go off hints.

"Would like you to go out to dinner with me?"

Her face still impossibly red, she bit her lip before nodding slowly. "I'd like that."

oOo

Months later, Shinichi found himself at another gala. It was the usual type of party he hated attending but he'd have to admit as his eyes followed one figure across the room, this one wasn't too bad.

Until it got closer and certain features became clearer and he realized this was actually the worst one yet.

"Ah, Shin-chan, did you see they have a chocolate fountain?" she beamed excitedly before reaching for him.

Immediately he side stepped the arm that went to link with his own making 'Ran' pout at him. Shinichi didn't care until he noticed the confused stare from across him. He had stated this was his fiancé after all and froze when he caught their puzzled looks.

This time, when she went to link her arm with his, grudgingly, he allowed it. No matter if he was cringing so badly inside, his teeth gnashing together irately. "Yes. I saw," he bit out. And barely getting the whole statement out, his champagne flute he held was snatched from his other hand that wasn't currently wrapped around 'Ran'.

Shinichi had to grit his teeth as he watched her swallow practically the whole thing in one gulp. With a cheeky grin he was sure was meant to seem mockingly innocent considering the actual Ran had done this numerous times before, she held the glass out to him with the one measly sip that was left in it as an offering.

"Keep it," he bit out still trying to keep his cool. There were people still watching them after all. And shrugging she downed the rest of it.

Probably noticing the peculiar tension between the two, it was quite easy to dismiss themselves. And as soon as they were somewhere deemed a little private, Shinichi turned angrily.

"Where is she?"

And mocking him further, violet eyes widened comically as brows scrunched in faux confusion. "Where is who?"

The voice was exact. Purely feminine and a complete copy.

But it wasn't real. It was fake and he could tell.

Or rather he noticed the obvious struggle for Kid to keep his knees bent. It was quite embarrassing and even more infuriating to notice that his girlfriend whom he had been trying to ogle had in fact not actually been his girlfriend. But in actuality a hack of a magician doing his best to maintain the height and appearance of a young woman.

More mortified that he believed for a moment this was his girlfriend enough to ogle her, Shinichi had no patience. Fully irritated now, he gripped Kid's arm furiously while snapping in a harsh whisper, "Where is Ran?" The grip only loosened when he realized they were still technically in the open and he forced a small grin at anybody that looked their way.

"Calm down," the still female voice tried to wave him off. "We had a small issue so we had to do a little switch."

Doing his best to ignore that this wasn't actually Ran though it was her voice, Shinichi prodded further. "What do you mean a 'small issue'? What happened?"

"Well something didn't exactly go according to plan and since we both agree your girlfriend has monster strength, I decided as a last resort we can rely on that," the imposter smiled happily.

He was so proud of himself.

Not really sure if he wants to know what that means, Shinichi began heading towards the hall where he knew Ran would be then. "And you just left her there alone."

"What?" Kid pouted. "You don't have confidence in me, Shinichi?" They were in the hall now and Kid was trailing behind him still in that irritating disguise. He had given up on trying to maintain a shortened height and was walking normally, but out of all the things Shinichi could pick apart about the disguise, it was something else that disturbed him more.

"Do not do that," he spun around angrily. It was one thing to call him 'Shin-chan'. Ran would never call him that except for that single time before. But to speak to him how she actually does- it was starting to freak him out.

Kid frowned for real this time. "Don't do what?"

"Stop sounding like her!" He snapped uncomfortably.

Seeming to finally understand, Kid shrugged before saying in his own voice, "Fine."

But that was just as bad. Hearing that voice with Ran's face.

"Never mind- that's worse," Shinichi sighed heavily and fingers went to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Just stop talking."

This was the first and only time they'd ever team up again. Shinichi couldn't believe they managed to talk him into it in the first place. They had been right. There was no point in the two thieves fighting over who stole the ring first when it was clear the goal was the same. Not like last time when the two men both stumbled into a treasure's room two weeks ago wanting to steal the same thing. And after they managed to almost both get caught last time due to them arguing, Ran had been the one to present this idea.

But Shinichi couldn't get over what the dunce had accused him of. 'Stealing his thunder'- as if they were competing to be the most wanted criminal in the fraud department. He wasn't trying to steal anything. As far as he was concerned, Kid could carry all media attention he wanted. Shinichi would never try to take that. But he couldn't help it if fans of theirs constantly argued over who the best thief actually was.

And yes, amazingly that was a thing.

Shinichi resented that though. He was no thief. And after watching him a little more closely, Shinichi realized that just maybe . . . Kid wasn't either.

Neither one wanted the treasure for themselves. Besides Kid's weird rule that he needed to 'look' at the gem before they decided anything. It was clear the Phantom Thief was looking for a treasure and once he found it, he wouldn't be giving it back. Shinichi wondered if that was likely the reasoning for what Kaito Kid was doing in the first place. He had never thought much of the guy. He had always just assumed that he was some mindless criminal that flaunted and attempted to disguise what he was- a criminal- behind obnoxious magic acts. Because that's all they were. Even if sometimes it took a bit to realize how the thief had done it, he always figured it out. There was always an explanation. And that's why Shinichi didn't understand nor did he care to learn just why Kid paraded around like a magician.

But now working with him, it annoyed him, but his curious mind made it easy for him to at least attempt to analyze his behavior.

Kid was doing this for a reason. A reason other than crime at least. He was positive Kid would never try to actually kill or harm a cop or bystander. He always took the treasure and bailed. And every single time, he would read the next day that the treasure had magically been 'returned' to the rightful owner.

Kaito Kid never held onto a single gem he stole. Not a single time.

It was difficult for him to admit, but Ran was right. The two were very similar. Even if they carried it out differently or if their way of doings things were the opposite of the others, their outcome was always the same. Shinichi wasn't foolish enough to believe they had the same goal; that they did this for the same reason. It was clear that Kid was looking for something and once he found it, he would not be returning it. But though he would never say it aloud, the Magician was not a bad person. He always wanted to believe there was no good enough reason to break the law. There was nothing that warranted another person committing a crime. But if that were actually true- then what were he and Ran doing? He wanted to believe they were doing the right thing. And so grudgingly, he accepted that about the Phantom Thief.

Things were very rarely black and white.

oOo

"Who was your nice date?"

The soft voice called over to him gently from up ahead on the path. Recognition immediately pulled his attention away from his feet he had been watching dejectedly; his hands stuffed inside his suit pockets. The words that filtered in however had him perking up.

Supressing a grin he shrugged. "Just some girl I met in college psychology."

Ran blushed slightly but smiled all the same. It wasn't till he reached her that she began walking beside him. "She seemed to be dressed a bit risqué though, don't you think?"

Shinichi peeked over at her as she stayed beside him. She wasn't looking back but he could only assume she was wondering how he liked her dress.

Which he refused to judge after having only seen Kaito Kid wearing it.

Referring back to her question, he snorted. "Probably because the wrong person was in it."

He would've much rather seen the real Ran wearing it.

Finally breaking composure- stopping whatever roundabout way she was trying to ask, she stopped walking. "But it was a perfect copy!" she protested pouting and Shinichi had to wonder what exactly she was after here. He had a feeling he'd be in trouble no matter the answer he gave her.

But perfect? Perfect clone, his ass.

"There are just some things that can't be copied," he supplied simply even though in his mind, he knew exactly what parts of Ran couldn't be imitated.

Ran was not content with his response. If anything, she almost became suspicious as he leaned forward with narrowed eyes. "Like what?"

Realizing he might've steered this conversation somewhere he definitely didn't want, Shinichi swallowed hard when she raised a brow.

"What did he not copy?" she asked outright.

If she wants an honest explanation . . .

Sighing, he looked away, turning his nose up. "Your chest does not sit that high. Not only does he not have any, but your breasts are large. He most likely had to make them rest higher to disguise that. And though your thighs do have quite a bit of muscle, they are much softer than what he presented- not to mention he was actually walking around with his knees bent slightly to accommodate the height difference."

Ran didn't respond right away. Her silence dragged on and eventually he became nervous. He definitely confessed too much. Even if she was his girlfriend, surely it would make her uncomfortable to realize he watched her that intently. And on every little detail as well. But Shinichi couldn't help but to be insulted that she said Kid was an exact copy. That would never be possible. Ran could not be replicated. Especially when Shinichi could pick out so many things that the magician had gotten wrong in his disguise. Of course the detective knew there was only so much one could do in a disguise. But still, Shinichi was too much of a perfectionist and Ran was perfect in his eyes.

Suddenly his arm was being gripped gently and Shinichi blinked oddly when Ran slowly wrapped her arms around his. At first he thought she would be mad. He had openly admitted to ogling her. And if she asked him to be more honest, he would have to say he'd been watching her long before they started dating.

"Thank you," she said softly, startling him by breaking the silence and catching him off guard with her response. The confusion must've clearly been on his face because she turned red again. Her smile didn't drop though.

"It's nice to know that you could tell it wasn't me. . . that all you see if me."

They had begun walking again and Shinichi couldn't help but think he definitely dodged a bullet. But he would've been lying if he said anything else. And though it made him anxious to know that all his thoughts and feelings were out and on the table, he was sick of hiding them. Ran deserved to know exactly how he thought about her. She deserved to know just how much he noticed her and for how long he wanted to be with her.

And if he was rewarded for honestly. . .

"I guess that means you'll have to wear that dress again so I can actually give you an opinion on it," he said nonchalantly even though his gaze continued to rest ahead of him. He hoped it came out like a suggestion because he really hadn't gotten to see her in it. Currently she was wearing jeans and coat after having to give up the dress for Kid's impromptu disguise.

"Can't. I'm pretty sure Kid went home in it," Ran innocently said completely missing why he wanted her to wear it again and bursting his bubble in the process.

Deflating, he changed his mind. "He really is a thief," he grumbled.

Ran raised a brow. "And then what are you, Night Baron?"

"Alright," he said sternly while narrowing his eyes and she began giggling.

Clenching her arms much more firmly around his arm, he felt her chest press against it even more making him gulp. "Don't worry. I have something else I can wear just for you," she whispered.

[darisu-chan]

burnin' up

Welcome to another IR Month!

Today, I bring you this one-shot which is the opposite of keeping cool. Just what we need for this summer day.

Hope you guys enjoy it!

You can also read it here.

Prompt: keep your cool

Summary:When it is hot out, the best solution is to go to the beach and swim to keep cool…right?

It is terribly hot this summer.

Not that other summers haven’t been as hot, or even hotter than this. But for some reason, Ichigo feels the heat way more this year. He can’t quite put his finger on it. He just knows it is too hot and nothing he has tried so far has been able to cool him down. And, look, he was born in summer. He is used to the flames, the scorching heat, the shinning sun on his back. He does prefer sunny days to the rain, it’s true. And yet, this year the heat has been excruciating. Ice cream, ice cubes, fans. Nothing has seemed to work. At this point, he’s not sure there is anything out there that will make the heat go away.

If he’s this bothered, just imagine Rukia.

She is miserable.

Honestly, Ichigo wouldn’t have expected it to be any different. She was born in the middle of winter, and her zanpakutō is a snow one, a literal Snow White. Of course Rukia has never done great in the summer. But especially not this one. Summers in Karakura can be a pain in the ass, but Ichigo reiterates this summer in particular has been the worst so far. So, Rukia’s been a mess. Red hot cheeks, sweat running down her neck, short skirts, lethargy. It is obvious how uncomfortable she is. And, well, Ichigo feels for her. He doesn’t do the greatest in winter, so he can sympathize with her current state. He wants to do something for her. She had taken a few weeks off to visit him after all, and Ichigo can’t help but blame himself for her current state. If she had stayed in the Soul Society, maybe she wouldn’t feel like this. But no. He can’t afford to think in this way. So, instead, he looks for solutions until he finds one.

The beach.

It is so obvious he wants to slap himself.

Of course they should go to the beach!

It would still be hot, sure, however the ocean water and the breeze are always cool. Thank you, Pacific Ocean for your cold water! Besides, it is the only place where wearing little clothing is socially acceptable. Not to mention the cold drinks, ice popsicles, and other such delicacies that are sold on the beach. And the fact that going on a trip is always a welcome change in the routine. Ichigo’s not sure Rukia has gone many times to the beach, least of all to enjoy herself without worrying about the fate of the world.

So, it is decided that they will go.

“The beach?” Rukia mutters out loud once he tells her the news.

“Yep. The beach.” He simply answers and he can’t help the grin that forms on his mouth.

“What spurred this decision?” She questions him, clearly confused.

“Oh, I know what spurred this decision!” Old goat chin interjects from behind him, but Ichigo ignores him.

“I think it’d be better to enjoy the beach than being stuck here in this heat.”

Rukia stops and thinks for a moment, remembering the terrible heat she’s felt with no respite. She immediately nods her head.

“Agreed.”

That Monday, they decide, will be the day they go to the beach. They believe it will be less crowded than on a weekend, but given it is summer after all, it is a give or take. So for three days they prepare for the event, getting everything they will need: towels, a picnic basket, water bottles, swimsuits, backpacks, flip flops, sunscreen, and the like. For a moment, Ichigo stops and wonders if Rukia even knows how to swim ─ she flicks his forehead while rolling her eyes, “Tawake! Of course I know how to swim!” ─ All the while, he ignores Karin’s snide remarks, Yuzu’s smiles and his father’s perverted comments.

The night before they leave, Isshin even sits him down on his room, with a serious look on his face, which makes all the hair in Ichigo’s body stand on end.

“Now, son, I understand this is your first trip with Rukia with just the two of you, alone. So there are some things that, as a man, you need to know.”

Ichigo’s face starts burning as he stands up and sprints away from his father. Oh, hell no! He is not about to receive the talk when he’s already twenty one! And, yes, he’s pretty much aware this will be the first time he’s going to be alone with Rukia for a few days ever since their relationship changed. But it’s not like he’s planning on doing anything perverted! His intentions are pure, damnit! Yet, a little voice in his head wonders if this trip will make things change once more. When it comes to Rukia, he never knows how things are going to go. It is highly probable they will keep their hands to themselves. However, there is a teeny tiny possibility that they will cross uncharted territory. And, not gonna lie, that frightens Ichigo. Not because he doesn’t want to. But he is scared about the repercussion such a change might bring to their relationship. They have just been able to navigate this thing between them, he doesn’t want anything to ruin it! Particularly not such an adult thing to do. So, he puts those thoughts aside and goes to sleep. He tries to think about waves, sand, fish, beach balls, and definitely not in a scathingly clothed Rukia.

The next morning, Ichigo wakes up feeling refreshed and with a new outlook. He decides he is just going to enjoy this experience, whatever happens, with no expectations. When he meets Rukia in the kitchen, she is positively beaming. She is wearing a baby blue dress with a bow in the front. On her head rests a straw hat with a matching blue ribbon and her feet sport white sandals. She looks radiant. Ichigo has to look away for a moment, less he be forever blinded by her brilliance.

“Ready?”

“Yes!” She exclaims and off they go.

The trip to the beach is quiet. His old man had lent them his van and Ichigo is trying to focus on driving carefully. Though both are technically speaking not alive, that doesn’t mean their physical bodies can’t get hurt. Besides, he doesn’t want Isshin complaining about scratches on his car. Meanwhile, Rukia can’t stop staring outside the passenger seat window. From the corner of his eye, he can see the way her eyes light up the whole way. It is endearing how she manages to find magic in the most mundane of things. The road, cars, random buildings and establishments they pass by, the people. It doesn’t matter how many times she’s visited the human world, things will always be new for Rukia. Ichigo even spies her taking a picture here and there. It makes him feel happy. Happy that he can give him this. More memories. More life.

They make it to the beach by noon.

As expected, there are a lot of tourists there, but not as many as one would have expected. Neither desolate nor filled to the brim. Just the right amount of people. Rukia’s eyes turn ocean blue the moment they land on the golden sands of the beach. She squeals with unbridled joy and is about to sprint to the water when Ichigo stops her.

“We still gotta check in on the hotel.”

He had rented them a room. Nothing too fancy, he is a college student after all. But just enough to be comfortable. Ichigo goes through the usual motions. Gets their card on the lobby, and walks through the floors until they find their room. It is medium-sized with blue walls covered with paintings featuring boats and mermaids. There is just one bathroom, a mini fridge, an old TV. As it had been stated, nothing too fancy. But here is where Ichigo faces his first real problem. There is just one bed. He starts sweating the moment he realizes this, and wonders if he hadn’t specified he wanted two individual beds when he had made the reservations. Instead, there is a single queen sized bed in the room. Rukia doesn’t seem to care as she walks around the room, and opens the balcony to stare at the ocean. Internally, Ichigo screams. He hopes she is not thinking he is sleazy and that he had planned all of this trip with one purpose only. He tries to calm himself. Rukia knows him. She must know he’s not that kind of guy. And it’s not like they have never shared a room or even a bed before, for that matter. It’s just this will be the first time they will be alone. Completely alone with no one to interrupt them. Hopefully, not even Hollows.

While he is having a mental breakdown, Rukia is enjoying the cool breeze coming from the balcony. She opens all the windows and dances around the room. She opens the closet and the drawers. She discovers hangers and a notepad there. Then, she goes into the bathroom and she’s pleased to find a bathtub. Later tonight, she plans on taking a bubble bath to de-stress. Once her exploring is over, Ichigo has calmed down. Rukia is all smiles, with not a hint of displeasure in her face. She either hasn’t noticed the bed or hasn’t cared to think about the implications of it right now. He is grateful for that.

“Do you wanna go to the beach now?” He asks in case the literal elephant in the room is addressed.

Rukia nods enthusiastically. “Yes!”

They go downstairs and walk towards the beach while Rukia asks him a million of questions. Ichigo tries to answer all of them as best as he can. They talk about the peculiar birds she sees ─ “Those are called seagulls.” ─, the people, about volleyball and other beach activities, about the food, and even about Ichigo’s experiences at the beach. Finally, they find a spot under two umbrellas, and they set their towels down.

“We should put on sunscreen.” He says.

Rukia nods and reaches to the hem of her dress. She pulls it up to remove it, revealing inch by inch of creamy white skin. Ichigo’s first thought is that she will need to reapply sunscreen every two hours at least or she’s definitely going to get sunburned. His next thought is, wow, that’s too much skin! By all means, Rukia’s bikini is an average bikini as far as swimsuits go. The top doesn’t reveal too much cleavage and the bottom part covers everything that it should cover. But, man, he has never seen that much of her skin! Alright, that’s not exactly true. Though it’s not like anybody needs to know that! Still, this is new.

Rukia’s bikini is a deep violet, which matches her eyes. It has white polka dots, and the design is visually pleasing. Ichigo wonders where she had even gotten it. Had Urahara given it to her? He hopes not or he is going to kill the man. But regardless of where she got it, he can appreciate what it does to her figure. The top frames her breasts nicely. They look round and soft in it. Ready to be admired. Though small, Rukia has her own curves that he now gets to marvel at with no barriers. Small waist, small but rounded hips. Toned legs. He really doesn’t dare look at her behind, because he does have an inkling of what is awaiting him there, and he isn’t sure he is going to survive the view.

Ichigo feels in flames. Like he is burning and, by the end of this experience, there will be nothing left of him but ashes and bones.

“Ichigo, can you put sunscreen on my back? I don’t think I can reach all the way.”

Yep.

He is going to self-combust any moment now.

In hindsight, maybe this was a terrible idea. Because although his original intentions were pure, his mind is taking him to other places. Places that perhaps should remain unexplored. And, it’s been about a year since they first kissed. Six months since their relationship fundamentally changed. He never thought there would come a time in which he would be able to say Rukia was his. He has always been hers, but now she is his. Forever, they believe. But even that sounds simpler than advancing to the next level. His soul is hers. All hers. And his body wants to be hers as well. However, Ichigo isn’t sure she wants to be his in that way. Not yet at least. And, fuck, he is a man now. A man with his own curiosity and needs. A man madly in love with her. Can he be blamed for finding her the most gorgeous woman he has ever met? Can he be admonished for wanting her all to himself? Still, he shouldn’t objectify her. Shouldn’t make her think he sees her as a walking piece of meat. Rukia is much more than that. She is his person. The other piece of his soul. Even if he finds her irresistible.

No, Ichigo.

This trip is to keep cool and have fun. So keep it in your pants.

“Are you just going to stand there or are you going to help me?”

Rukia suddenly questions and breaks him out from his internal conflict.

“Uh… sure.” He stammers like a high school boy and his cheeks redden.

She turns to look at him coyly.

“Come on, I don’t bite.”

Ichigo is not so sure about that.

This is going to be a long, long trip.

[caesthetix]

GREAT DESCENDANT — Pt. 2 Extra Bread

↪Attack on Titan series

↪content; warrior!reader, aged-up character, graphic description of violence, slow burn, season 4 spoiler

"T-Thank you, sir!"

He stuttered out and bowed a little to the soldier who gave him five loaves of bread. Though the older man did not acknowledge his gratitude at all, instead he just sneered at him, making him flinch since he was reminded of the fact that this island filled with demons.

His long feet stride out from the line, wanting to get back to where his friends waited. Today it was his duty to get the food for his companions, and it needed all of his courage to utter how many people in his family were left when the soldier asked him.

Four, it was the right answer that he was supposed to say. But he couldn't help but stutter five instead. It had only been a few weeks after they breached the outer wall, Maria, and yet he still couldn't believe that it was only the four of them now.

Each of them was grieving. Annie would now scowl a lot and buried her face in her hands, not wanting anyone to see the vulnerable look on her face. Reiner was different, he tried to act tough despite the nightmares that often accompanied him in his sleep. While him? He hid his sadness and pain deep inside his heart because he knew that someone suffered more.

You, you didn't talk at all for days as if you were just their shadows. Annie made sure that you were not hurt when he and Reiner crushed the gate. And even though you were not uttering any words, you could do your task ideally without a hitch, and that was to sneak inside with battered clothes, acting like a child who lost everything.

But maybe you were indeed lost everything, that was what he thought when he saw you just staring into spaces without any expression on your face. The bubbly and warm person that he met back then in Marley was nowhere to be found at this point and he hoped that someday he could meet her again.

When his pale green eyes fell to the familiar strands of your hair, he started to run, wanting to give you the bread for today since the sun was up for hours yet no one ate anything just yet. The shelter where all of them were hiding was an abandoned barn just outside the main city, no one knew who the owner of it was, but when Reiner found it empty, they decided to use it as a temporary house.

They just needed to survive for a few years and they could enroll in the military after that. But now they had to make a plan about what they should do in the meantime. Now they were just four orphans who lost everything from wall Maria. A few days ago a soldier gave them a form to fill out, consisting of some questions about names, birth, and the residence they used to live in before.

And that was the first time he heard your voice after weeks wallowing yourself in silence. When Marcel was alive, he told you that you needed to change your last name. Just for a disguise, it was the safest option because who would have expected if someone knew the weight of your name.

"No." You whispered out, one hand scribbling down the paper to write your name. "I am not going to lose my identity. No." There was a lingering pain in your voice that everyone could notice. "I will do anything, Reiner, but not this. This is my last name and I will lose it if someone takes it away from me."

The blonde frowned when he heard your rebellion, you seemed fine when Marcel asked you to do that back then, but now you changed your mind and he wished he knew the words that could sway you. You continued to write down your information without stopping while the boys stared at you with wonder.

Annie knew that you couldn't be forced to do something that you wouldn't do, so she just shrugged it off and focused on her paper, not wanting to spend her time filling forms if she could do it fast. She really thought Reiner would drop it after hearing your statement, but sometimes he just didn't know when to stop.

"Hey, but Marcel would tell you to do the same."

Bertolt could imagine his friend getting beaten up again at this point. But this time not from Annie, instead, he would get it from you who was now gripping so tight on the pencil that he was afraid you would stab the armoured titan inheritor on the neck with it.

"That's the thing, Braun." You gritted your teeth, avoiding yourself for kicking him on the face. And when the poor boy heard you called him by his last name, he knew that he was done for good. "Marcel is not here anymore, and you are not Marcel."

Bertolt made a note on his head that he would never want to get on your bad side. He felt a shiver down his spine at that time when you completely disregarded Reiner, and those words were not even for him. He couldn't imagine what his friend felt, must be hell for sure.

"Hey, I-I got the food for us today." Stopping on his track right in front of you. You were currently cleaning up the dust on the window, he recalled you said that you despised dirty windowpane last night, and he raised his eyebrow since he wondered how you got some clothes to clean it up with.

"Thank you, Bertolt." You gave him a soft smile, and from just that gesture he could feel his cheek burning from — goodness, he didn't even know what he was feeling right now. "Oh? You got five? How?" He was still in a trance when you threw the question, making him baffled for a second there.

"I said that there were five members in my family." He averted his eyes, ashamed to confess that to you. That and the fact he would see the sadness inside your eyes if he did so."I didn't mean to, really, b-but I only realised it after the soldier gave the portion to me."

"Oh, Bertolt." You let out a long sigh and grabbed two pieces of bread from his hand. "You know you could correct yourself after that, right?" He knew that you were scolding him, but with how soft your voice was, he just accepted it, not even once trying to correct himself. "I will give it back to the soldier, okay? You go inside, Reiner and Annie are waiting for you."

"But shouldn't you eat first?" He was concerned for sure, and despite knowing the fact that you could handle this harsh world by yourself, he was not sure if it was the right choice to let you go alone. "I can drop this off to them and I can accompany you, right?"

You chuckled at this, and his pupils widened at that since it was the first time you expressed some kind of joyful gesture since Marcel's incident. Your eyes closed as you chuckled at him, he didn't know what he did to make you like this but his brain short-circuited to even think about it. He just stood there with mouth agape, enjoying the pure, melodious giggle that slipped from your mouth.

"Bertolt," And how much he loved his name rolled down your tongue was uncanny. "It's okay, I will eat mine on the way. And I can handle myself, I am going to be back before you know it! You don't have to be concerned about me." You gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder, and his body went rigid at that. "See you later, tell the others where I am going, okay?"

He was too frozen in the spot even when you already strolled down the street with the loaves of bread in your hand. There was no time for him to answer you, and he felt like all the words were stuck in his throat. You just touched him, that was the only thing that he could process right now.

Yes, it was nothing special since you always held Pieck's hand back then or gave a pat to the other warrior candidates (especially Porco, for as long as he remembered even though the boy seemed to dislike your presence and unfazed by it), but to him, feeling your touch like that was everything.

It gave him some kind of boost, maybe it was the warm tingle that he felt whenever you were around or the fact that your existence just screamed comfort — he didn't know exactly what caused him to treasure your touch. What he knew for sure that in the end, he enjoyed your company.

"Oi, Bertolt! Why are you standing there like a statue?!"

"S-Sorry, Reiner—"

〄

The wind caressed your hair as you wandered down the street, turning left and right to the alleyway that would lead you to the plaza. This place had been your home for a few weeks now, and you started to enjoy living here, greeting some people here and there despite how many times Reiner told you not to.

They would ask, of course, where you were from. And you always answered it without hesitation, without a pause, as if the one who talked was an entirely different person with how you always lost all the light in your face when you gave them your answer. They would sympathize, and you took their pity and kept acting it out.

You had a different approach in this mission compared to the other warrior. While they decided to keep a low profile, you were going all out and showed yourself as a victim from the fall of wall Maria. Lots of benefits coming your way with how some adults asked you to move in with them or offering you a job so you could fend for yourself.

Their offers were always so sweet, but you didn't want to leave your friends inside a cold barn with nothing to lay on except the pile of hay. You always ended up cuddling with Annie, not caring that she wanted to kick you on the face at first for not giving her enough space, she ended up liking to sleep in your embrace days after that, so for you, it was all worth it.

Maybe though, their offer about working for them could help you. There were some of them and you sure at least one of the jobs had good earnings. You could buy food for your friends if that was the case, all of you didn't have to rely on free food anymore. And so, you decided that you would go to the adult near the plaza after this, asking if the offer was still up.

"I am sorry! It was already late and there was only one bread left for us!"

Your ears caught the distressed tone that came from the alleyway near you. The plaza was empty now since it seemed like the ration already finished for the day. To know that a lot of people couldn't even have one bread to eat made your stomach churned with guilt and anger for yourself.

"It's alright, Armin. We can share it."

"Yeah, it's not like I eat a lot anyway."

There were three of them, three children that looked like they were the same age as you, and they only got one piece of bread for the whole day. Knowing that the soldier was not there anymore and the commotion already dispersed, you decided to give the bread to them instead.

Your tiny feet waddled toward them, they were currently deep in thought about how to divide the food fairly. And you were thankful that you haven't eaten your fair of bread, so now each of the kids could have one.

"Excuse me," You interrupted their discussion, three pairs of eyes immediately turned to face you. Two of them looked at you with confusion while the other one had her eyes filled with caution. "I am sorry, I heard about your problem before, and I have two extra pieces of bread that you guys could take."

The two boys, one with blonde hair and the other with short dark brown hair — looked at each other without saying anything. It was like they had this kind of bond, talking through their minds before giving each other a nod. Maybe they were debating if it was alright to accept your hospitality or not.

"It's fine, but is this bread really alright for us to take?" The boy with the ocean blue eyes spoke up, taking one step forward to your figure. "What about you then, have you eaten yet today?"

"Yes, it's fine. If not, I am not going to offer it in the first place." You gave him a gentle smile before answering his next question a little bit too quickly to your liking. "Don't worry about me! I already got breakfast before and ate mine. You don't have to think—"

"You are lying." The girl that had been silent the whole time suddenly cut your sentence. "Don't tell me I am wrong because I am sure that I am right." She didn't sugarcoat her words at all, and you couldn't understand anymore if her words mean good or bad. Because surely her onyx orbs looked at you as if you were a threat.

You closed your eyes and exhaled loudly, knowing that you couldn't lie anymore with how sharp the three of them were. But this fact wouldn't stop you from wanting them to take your fair.

"Well, yes, I haven't eaten." Surrendering yourself to honesty, you continued. "But I am going to be fine, an adult in this shop near the plaza offered me a job and food, so I could get it from them after this." You explained truthfully, handing them the bread thereafter.

"Then how come you had extra bread in the first place?" The short-haired boy now squinting his eyes, wanting to understand your hidden motive in case there were any. "You had one for yourself too despite knowing that you could get food from this adult you told us about. So why should we trust you?"

"Eren!"

Ah, so the boy's name is Eren. You thought, couldn't believe that someone would even doubt the others for giving free food. But then again, you couldn't blame them for being extra cautious. No one knew what could happen inside these walls. The worst-case scenario from this was that you poisoned them to get rid of another life to prevent any more hunger.

"You don't have to trust me, of course." You answered him with a soft and calm tone, something that you learned from your house back in Marley. That even when someone raised their voice at you, you needed to handle them with care. "My friend was the one who got the food from me, and he didn't check that he got extra food, so I am here with the first mission to give it back to the garrison soldier."

You gave them the answer that they want, both hands still pushed forward, waiting for them to take it. "Promise I wouldn't disturb you anymore, I just want to make sure you guys get enough food. That's all."

There was a long silence engulfing the four of you. That was until the blonde took the bread out of your hand and gave you a smile of gratitude, which you answered with the same gesture as him. The other two were now looking at you with a softened gaze, finally stripping away their caution towards you.

"I am sorry that I sounded rude before." The brunette started, giving you a cheeky smile as his ears tinted with a pinkish hue. "I just need to be careful around strangers, everything just messed up at this time, you know?" He chuckled bitterly, his eyes darkening as if a terrible memory fleeting through his mind for a second.

"It's fine. I know where that thought is coming from." You kicked the pebbles near your foot before, making it bounce to the wall as you looked down. "Everything is just a nightmare after the breach." And you tried so hard not to break down, not in front of anyone, especially those who were the victim of your action. "All of you — didn't deserve any of it."

Your voice that was so warm and comforting before now turned into a completely different tone. There was sadness, at least that was what they could hear from you. They couldn't see the expression in your eyes since you persisted in looking down at your feet, avoiding their gaze at all cost.

"And you didn't deserve it too."

The blonde, that if you recalled from before was called Armin, telling you words that you thought you wouldn't need to hear. "No one wanted this to happen, no one deserved to live like this." He continued, and you were ready to crumble even more. "But this is our life, for now, so we can't do anything else but move on."

You wanted to get down on your knees, hugging his legs as you begged for forgiveness. Just like what you saw in some of the memories from your ancestors, there were just normal human beings inside these walls. Just like in Marley, just like on the other continent, there were good and bad people, and nothing differentiated them except the fact that they had a titan's blood flowing inside their veins.

Nothing else but that — and the dangerous truth that lies within the walls.

"It's called rumbling, right?"

Just one month from now, you were going to inherit the war hammer titan, and you have been studying a lot, reading the journal that your ancestor wrote. The book was so helpful, preparing you to know the truth that this world had to hide. Sometimes your twelve years old brain could not even understand it.

The past few years you had been training hard privately. You got the best instructor, honing your mental and physical build at the same time. But since you reached the age of ten, your father introduced you to Commander Magath who was in charge of the Warrior Unit, the unit for those titan inheritors.

And you trained with them ever since then. Creating a bond and friendship to those who would fight alongside you in the upcoming battle. The majority of them were easy to talk with like Marcel, Pieck, Zeke, Reiner, and Bertolt. While the rest — not so much.

Annie was fine though, she still talked to you here and there and taught you about some certain techniques of hand-to-hand combat that you deemed remarkably useful. Porco on the other hand, you wanted to grimace at the interaction that you had with him. Yet despite all that, you couldn't stop yourself from smiling for just thinking about him.

But this moment was not the right time to reminisce about the warrior training, not when a few months from now, you would embark on a mission to reclaim the founding titan.

"Yes, when the founding titan decided to unharden the walls and released millions of colossal titan, it was called rumbling." Your father sat across from where you were, filling out papers from the military about you. "If that happened, the whole world would turn into nothing."

You gave a nod of acknowledgement, fingers tracing the ink that seeped on the worn-out paper journal.

"So it was risky to let the founding titan stay in Paradis since no one knew if someday they would activate the rumbling or not." You stated the sentence as a matter of factly, absorbing the information that sometimes made your head pound. "It was risky since they closed themselves inside those walls and no one knew what happened there."

"Yes, my dear." His voice cracked like any other time, having so much burden for throwing you to the frontline of the battle like that. You, his little star, his precious daughter that he never wanted to turn her into a war machine that could only live for thirteen years. "That is why you need to prevent it from happening."

But it was something that needed to be done — and there was nothing that you could do except embracing the cruel truth like an old friend.

"Yes, you are right." Fixing your composure, you were back to the kind girl from before. "Thank you for telling me that, I think I need it." You chuckled softly, fingers tucking the strands of your hair behind the ear. "I-I will go now, then. Hope all of you survive and continue on living!"

Bowing yourself a little before departing (a trait that you couldn't shake off that easily), you waved at them and turned your heels, walking away from the three children that you really hoped would have a beautiful life ahead, for as long as they could have.

"Wait!" But you halted your feet to move forward when you heard Eren's voice calling out for you.

"Yes? What is it?" You were still not that far from them, so you decided to use your normal volume as if they were still right in front of you.

"We haven't got your name!" Yet despite how calm you were, the boy seemed to choose to shout at you anyway. "I am Eren! This is Armin and Mikasa, they are everything that I had left! Now, what's yours?!"

Hearing how excited he was made you giggle, such a complete opposite for real compared to him a few minutes ago when he looked at you with caution. Now he became the child he was supposed to be, with a wide grin on his face as he just wanted to know the name of his probably new friend.

And so you indulged him with it, answering his question with a clear and solid tone.

"It's (Y/n)!" You decided to shout back, equaling his enthusiasm. "(Y/n), (Y/n) Tybur!"

Paradis Citizen(s)

↪@yumaryko ​@may-machin @cuteissei

↪Back to Great Descendant Masterlist OR Wall Maria

↪Send an ask if you want to be a citizen of Paradis (taglist)!

[coruscantidreams]

vertigo - chapter 1

pairing: obi-wan kenobi/female reader

summary: A year into the Clone Wars, the Jedi Council, in need of inside information regarding separatist forces, send General Obi-Wan Kenobi on the hunt for a possible, and very reluctant informant.

In the glittering planet of Coruscant, a successful nightclub owner’s new life is threatened with the past.

word count: 3.4k

warnings: none for this chapter!

link for ao3 here

Obi-Wan Kenobi wondered if he would ever have another moment to himself. With the way the Council requested his presence immediately after his latest landing, he was leaning towards ‘no’. He barely had the chance to unpack and was already walking towards the Council Chamber where he was required. Only Yoda and Mace Windu were on Coruscant, the other Masters were off God knows where.

A year into the war and the fighting was in full swing. Mission after mission had Obi-Wan completely, and utterly exhausted. He knew he wasn’t the only one that felt burnt out. The intense pressure of the war was put on every Jedi in the Temple. Their sacred peace keeping ways had been lost, and everyone knew it.

The short walk from his rooms gave Obi-Wan enough time to create a basic mission report in his head. There wasn’t much else he could do. Not with the time they gave him. He would have to write the formal report later.    

“Obi-Wan, good, you’re here,” Mace Windu announced as Obi-Wan walked into the Chamber. “We’re glad to hear the negotiations on Breosnas went well. We’ll have to discuss that at a later date. There’s a new assignment for you and it must be done right away. We believe there’s someone who has information on separatist plans.”

Obi-Wan wished they would have asked for the report instead. “Of course, Master,” he said anyway. 

“Is there a problem?” Nothing slipped past Windu. Maybe Obi-Wan needed to mediate more often.

He tried not to look defeated. “No, I just didn't expect to leave so soon. I was hoping to spend some time here, on Coruscant.”

Instead of a reply, a holographic image appeared in front of him. “Master, that’s-”

“Yes, it’s her. You see why this assignment is so sensitive, Obi-Wan. The new Knights are too young to remember what happened, and you already know how she feels about the rest of the Council. She’ll be more inclined to help you than any of us,” Windu said, “and, you're in luck. She still lives on this planet.”

“No offence Master, but it’s highly unlikely that she’ll give up information, even if it is me,” Obi-Wan tried. “If she’s still upset and we provoke her, it could push her to help the separatists instead.”

“That may be the case indeed, but I’m sure you’ll find a way to convince her. Do what is necessary.” Windu looked at Obi-Wan, and he knew the mission was not up for debate.

The rest of the Council was in agreement. A possible informant was better than no informant.

“Where do I find her?”

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

As soon as the sun had set, Obi-Wan was flying through the air traffic, the wind whipping through his hair. Miles away from the Jedi Temple was the underground club Vertigo. In recent years, it had become a popular destination amongst the rich and powerful. Separatists and Republic senators alike were frequent visitors. Vertigo was a lively club that kept anyone looking for a good time engaged. Although full of politicians and celebrities each night, there was a certain anonymity they found within the club.

Before Obi-Wan had even reached the club doors, he knew he was out of his element; his senses were overloaded. The shimmering atmosphere the club gave off was far too modern for his taste. Red and blue ambient lighting created a hazy purple sheen over the bar. Crescent-shaped booths in every corner were filled, and exotic plants he couldn’t name if he tried hung from the ceiling. Loud, thumping music had the dance floor packed.

Obi-Wan eyed the room, and searched for an employee. Waving down a bartender, he spoke quickly. “I was wondering if you could direct me to your boss’ office. She and I are old friends, I’m looking to catch up.”

The bartender, Eliamer, her name tag read, eyed him for a second longer than he liked. He thought he might have to use a mind trick before she mumbled a short “follow me” and they were pushing their way to a private elevator. A few awkward minutes later they were in front of an office door.

And that was where Obi-Wan found you. 

“There’s a man here to see you, he claims he’s an old friend,” one of your bartenders says, the door to your office swinging open.

You raise an eyebrow.

She pauses. “He’s a Jedi.”

“Thank you, Eliamer. Let him in.” Quickly unlocking your desk drawer, you pull out your blaster, holding it just below the supposed Jedi’s sight. You wonder which Jedi has come for you, after all this time. 

You left the Jedi Order eight years ago when you were sixteen. It wasn’t an easy choice, but a necessary one. As a youngling, you were the definition of perfect. Obedient, patient, respectful. Every Jedi wanted you as their Padawan, knowing they’d be lucky to be your Master.

At first, you loved being a Padawan. Becoming a Jedi Knight was all you had ever wanted; ever known. You were dedicated to your training and meditating, finding that it came to you naturally. Your Master was often relentless, and that only pushed you further. 

Two years into your training and a simple mission to Alderaan was the beginning of the emotions that would later betray you. You and your Master were sent to guard an at risk Senator. Alone at night, you roamed the palace in hopes of making yourself tired. It was then in a shadowy alcove you witnessed real affection for the first time. Lovers joined, pushing against the wall in passion. All you could do was stare at the couple in awe. You had never seen anything like it; the Jedi celebrated their lack of intimacy. 

That night back in your room, all you could think about was the look of sheer pleasure on their faces. The way they looked at each other so tenderly, like nothing else in the galaxy mattered. At that moment, laying in the luxurious royal bed, you knew you could never have that. You would never know what a bond would feel like. It was forbidden, and that was the end. 

However, your envy didn’t stop when you left Alderaan. It burned inside of you each day on Coruscant, during every practice and every meditation. The desire to feel a fraction of what they did was overpowering. 

You began acting out, hoping that your Master would fix your forbidden emotions. Yet he never did, he just continued to look at you in disappointment. The once perfect youngling was a disobedient teenager with no control.

You believed you were the only one with such emotions, until a frustrated confession with another rebellious Padawan proved otherwise. Hours later, you were pressed into your small mattress, finally receiving the pleasure you had desired for so long. 

Months passed, and the secret nights you spent with the other Padawan were frequent. Yet the longing never stopped. It seemed that your desire only grew. You took foolish risks to be together, which could have only resulted in one outcome. The final night you spent together was interrupted by both of your Masters. 

By the next day, your lover was expelled from the Order, only to be sent back to his home planet in a system unbeknownst to you. He had far too many infractions, and that was the last straw. 

You should have been expelled, and you knew it. Your Master’s pleading was the only thing keeping you in the Order. The possibility that you could once again be the perfect Jedi was a risk the Council took. 

Although you had been miraculously saved with only a harsh lecture from the Council, you knew what you had to do. You gathered the few belongings you had, and left the temple to start a new life. 

You’ll never admit how hard it was finding work on the streets of Coruscant. Some days you wondered if you even made the right decision. Deep down you knew you would never have passed the trials. Living a lie was something you were not willing to do, and the Council would see it. You hated the other Jedi for what you couldn't do. Giving up your future to the unknown was terrifying. You wanted it both ways; to be a Jedi Knight and have attachments. One wasn't possible with the other, which only made you resent the Jedi more.

Eventually, you found a crowd, leading to the right connections to build a good life for yourself. It took a while, but after your club Vertigo was built, you began to understand the appeal of arrogance. Vertigo was one of the most popular nightclubs on Coruscant.

“I must say, I am surprised to see you,” Obi-Wan says, adding your name as an afterthought. He looks different than you remember. Older, tired maybe. The war has shown no mercy. 

“I heard rumours the Council had made you a General. Jedi Master and General now, Kenobi?” You smirk. You and Obi-Wan only knew each other from pleasantries. He was newly ordained as a Knight while you were just beginning as a Padawan. You decide to get right to the point. “Enlighten me General, what are you doing at my club?”

“The Council asks for your assistance. We’re in need of information on the separatists. Vertigo is well known amongst separatist sympathizers. Your intel could prepare us for future attacks,” Obi-Wan explains, his crisp Coruscanti accent almost identical to your own. 

You debate on putting your blaster away, not sensing any immediate danger from him, yet you know this could turn into a fight very quickly if you’re not careful. “If you came all this way just to ask me for information, then I’m sorry to inform you that I’m unable to help. Vertigo is a nightclub. Who comes here is none of my business, nor am I willing to spy on my patrons for the sake of the Council.”

Obi-Wan sighs, “Yes, I figured you would say that.”

A look of annoyance flashes across your face before you can mask it. “The Council knew I wouldn’t help, and they still sent you anyway? How pathetic.”

“With all due respect, you chose to leave the Order. Blaming the Council isn’t going to help you now.” He sounds defensive, and you can’t help but wonder if you hit a nerve. 

Nonetheless, the statement annoys you. You broke most of your Jedi habits after leaving the Order, though it's easy for you to forget you can show your anger. Still, you pause for a moment to collect yourself. “The Council ruined my life once. I’m not going to let them ruin it again.”

“This is a matter of life or death, and we need your help! I can’t force you to give us information, but a part of you must know that this is beyond just the Council. It’s for the Republic,” Obi-Wan says.

“Do you really think I care about the Republic?” You ask.

“You should,” he replies, “what do you think will happen to you if the separatists lose? I believe a cell at the Republic Judiciary Central Detention Center will be waiting for you.”

“You don’t have the authority to do that. Besides, neutrality isn’t a crime.” The grip on your blaster tightens.

“Maybe not, but I’m sure when the senate hears we had a possible informant that refused to help, they’ll want to know everything about you and Vertigo,” he says.

“I thought you said you couldn’t force me to be an informant?”

“You’re right, I can’t force you. The risk is yours to take,” he says.

You glare at him, eyes narrowing. “Alright, General. Let’s say I agree. Am I getting something in return, or is this charity work?”

Obi-Wan refrains from rolling his eyes. “We have nothing to offer you but the reassurance that your information will help us win the war.”

“Let’s go for a drink,” you decide. Obi-Wan begins to protest as you slip your blaster back into your desk, then guide him out of the office doorway, and down to the crowded room.

Back at the bar, you order two cocktails. “You see that guy in the white suit? He’s a warmonger. He gives up any Republic plans he hears to the separatists. For a price of course. That woman, over there, the one in the red dress. She’s a spy. I heard she got close with one of the Republic captains. Oh, and him, the guy standing next to her! He’s an assassin from the Outer Rim. Technically he works for either side, but the separatists pay more.” You take a sip of your violet coloured drink. “Now, I will continue to tell you about every separatist here on two conditions.”

Obi-Wan stares at you. “Go on.”

“I want you to let me into the Council Chamber and the archives,” you say. There wasn’t much you could bargain for, nor that you wanted. You didn’t need money, and this would be far better than anything the Republic could offer.

“You can’t just walk into the Council Chamber!” Obi-Wan looks at you in disbelief.

“I wouldn’t be walking in, you’d be letting me in,” you remind him. 

“It’s not happening.” His answer is firm.

You raise your eyebrow at him. “Do you want information or not, General?”

“I can ready a cell for you anytime.”

“Fine.” You give in. “Just the archives.”

Obi-Wan looks at you so earnestly, your palms start to sweat. You feel as though he’s looking directly into your soul, leaving you raw. You know he can force his way past your mental barriers, even if you put up a fight. You definitely won’t get past him, even if you try. Years of practice and strict meditation means he can hold out much longer than you.

“The archives… it’s about him, isn’t it?” he says. It’s not really a question, rather a statement.

Of course Obi-Wan would clue in. You wasted months trying to track down the Padawan boy you loved, with no luck. The archives have records of each Jedi that ever lived in the Temple. If you could just look at them, you’d know which planet he was from, and maybe where to find him.

“The archives will have his information,” you answer. 

“If you wanted information, that’s all you had to say. I would be happy to look through the archives for you,” Obi-Wan offers.

You almost laugh at his proposal. “This isn’t negotiable, General. I’ll take my chances when the war is over. I won’t go back on my offer to help, if that’s what you’re worried about. You have my word.”

Obi-Wan looks conflicted, until he knocks back the entirety of his drink. With a wave of his hand, he tells you to continue. You’re not surprised he gives in. The value of what you know is worth the price of letting an ex-Jedi into the archives.

You don’t even know where to begin. Hundreds of patrons pass through Vertigo every day. Looking around the club, you recognize several associated members. The three humans you pointed out to Obi-Wan are regulars. The aforementioned man in the white suit, Kenth, drinks with his outfit of criminals most weekends. You try to avoid the oligarchs, they're far too arrogant for conversation.

The spy, Kandri, is a mystery to you. She’s cunning and beautiful; it's unsurprising she managed to work her way into the depths of the Republic army. Of course, none of that could be true. Espionage is a facade after all.

Troleveen, the assassin, often does business in Vertigo. Rich trade members are always looking to eliminate their problems. Millions of credits have been paid to Troleveen within the club walls. Usually you would frown upon that much money being traded in Vertigo, but it's nice to have an assassin on your side. 

For as much as you have heard, most attack plans are kept secret. They rarely pass through Vertigo. If Obi-Wan wants direct knowledge from the Separatist Council, you’ll have to make some inquiries. Count Dooku has never come to Vertigo, and you wouldn't want to know even if he did.

You start by telling him what you already know. Months of secrets and hushed whispers turn into hours of conversation. Memories and credits passed under the table between senators, deadly glances that can only mean one thing, Obi-Wan knows it all. To the rest of the club, it looks like you and a Jedi are having a lengthy, casual conversation. It is well known that you are neutral in the war. No alliances means no enemies. 

Still, giving up secrets is not something you want to be caught doing. All you needed was a rumour to spread that you were leaning in one direction, and a bounty would be placed on your head before you could even blink. It makes you wonder if you’re doing the right thing. Being sent to prison is obviously not what you want. You’ve heard about the terrible conditions at the Republic Judiciary Central Detention Center. Even if you were lucky enough to escape Coruscant, you would be leaving everything you worked for in the past eight years behind. Before Vertigo, your only home had been at the Jedi Temple. Having never known your parents or your home planet, Coruscant was all you had. Thinking about it brought emotions to the surface you’d rather not deal with.

The conversation has mostly come to an end, there isn’t much else to be said. “I believe that’s all I can give you tonight, General,” you say to Obi-Wan. “You’ll have to give me more time to make my inquiries.” With the information you revealed to him, his grasp on the politics the Jedi don’t often hear should be enough for the Council to start with. 

“You’ve been quite helpful,” he replies, a certain twinkle in his eye. “You make a promising spy.”

“Hardly. We’ll have to meet at my apartment from now on. A Jedi showing up here every week isn’t good for business.” You can’t help but smile at him. He looks soft, far more relaxed than when he first entered your office hours ago. It could be the alcohol, too. Vertigo only serves the best, possibly illegal liquors. 

Business, you remind yourself. That’s all this is. You didn’t necessarily like Obi-Wan, particularly because of his perfect Council obeying behaviour, yet talking to a Jedi again was somehow refreshing. You love your life, it's something you never thought you could have, though there are moments when you wish you could talk to someone who relates to your previous experiences. Your staff knew why you left the Order, but they could never quite grasp it. Understanding the rigid lifestyle inside the Temple walls was something only a Jedi could comprehend. For an ex-Jedi who left due to attachments, you sure are bad at forming them. 

“Alright,” Obi-Wan says, “I have to return to the Temple now, I’ll be ready in a week or so. I trust you’ll set a meeting by then?”

You nod in response to his question. “Tell the Council I say hello.”

“Just hello?”

“It’s bad taste to have a messenger for more than ‘hello’ in my case,” you answer. 

He shakes his head at you, his stern look more for show than anything. You watch him slip through the crowd and up the stairs, back outside to the streets. The music has been turned up since he arrived, it’s later in the night, and it drills into your head. The bar is mostly empty, everyone has migrated to the dance floor or into the VIP lounge. 

Rather than hanging around the bar, you toss back your fourth drink that night and head towards the elevator to your office. You’re tipsy, but not enough to find a stranger to hook up with. The thought itself makes you feel sick. You don’t dwell on that thought, instead you find yourself suddenly exhausted, practically falling asleep right at your desk. With a flick of your wrist the ceiling lights are turned off. You leave your datapad online as always, the blue glow coating the room. The cool glass of your desk calms your heated cheek as soon as you rest against it. Your eyes shut, the drowsiness taking over.

[shhhhyoursister]

photographer!au

hey yall this is the first of the unfinished aus im going to be uploading, im leaving in all my notes and unedited bits so you can see the process and everything!!! i hope you all enjoy!!!!!!!!!

Matteo felt a bit like a ghost at times, with the way he slowly paced the hallways of his home. It wouldn’t be too out of character for him to have become a ghost without even realizing it, especially being alone in an old, large, dismally lit house for as long as he had been. He was sure the air was swimming with spirits, could tell from the shadows that would quietly slip from room to room, slithering along the walls with nothing really there to cast them. 

When he was a kid, he was terrified of his house. Understandably, considering the constant creaking and tapping and thudding that came from the basement, the attic, even the walls in Matteo’s own room. His parents would always tell him “Houses just make sounds, Matteo, you have to get over it,” and eventually he did (figure out how to end)

(start new paragraph) around the time he started realizing how much of a ghost he was, amongst his family and even his friends. Quiet, woeful, longing for some kind of life to live. He could sympathize with them, and his fear vanished.

(rearrange) It still made him laugh, though. His house looked haunted, from the outside and the inside, and the fact that it was surrounded on almost all sides with dense, thick, dark woods didn’t help. Matteo was still sometimes horrified by the noises he heard coming from outside, never knowing quite what was out there. At least his father had updated all the locks before he left. 

Another ghost, but one that managed to escape.

The more Matteo thought about it, everyone in his house was a ghost in some way. His father left, leaving almost no trace except for the money that went into the house and Matteo’s bank account, keeping the place safe and livable for a young adult who had never lived on his own before. His mother was also gone, but her departure was much more like something out of an actual scary story. He didn’t like to think about it.

Matteo filled the silence of the empty house with music. He had begged (guilted) his father into buying him a set of bluetooth speakers that were always playing something, usually quieter stuff or instrumentals when he was feeling it. It helped make the house feel more alive, make Matteo feel more alive and connected to the world, and honestly helped hide the noises that would come from any direction with no warning.

He knew that he could also feel more connected to the word if he ever went out into it, but it had been a few months. Sometimes Jonas or Hanna would come over, but people didn’t tend to stay long. He could get why, but it didn’t make him feel better about it. He couldn’t control where he lived, his family was making sure of that. Something about the house being in their family since it was built, it was an important piece of their history, whatever. Matteo was just waiting for some distant cousin of his to call him and say they’re moving in; he was pretty sure he had heard whispers of it happening soon.

The only times he really saw people, besides the couple times a month his friends would dare to enter the house, was when he went out to buy food or weed, the only essentials he had been restocking. He couldn’t remember the last time he got a new shirt, or pair of shoes. He sometimes worried that he had forgotten how to communicate outside of simple small talk and asking for an ounce, with how little he saw people. He didn’t even know if the people physically closest to him could be considered neighbors, as the amount of miles his property took up was too much for him to think about. He sure as hell never saw them around.

Which was why it was so strange when Matteo saw him for the first time.

He wasn’t as scared as he should’ve been to see a dark figure creeping around his property. He was mostly confused, as he lived far enough from any real towns that he had to actually learn how to drive, and had an old pickup truck parked outside to prove it. He looked out the other windows, and didn’t see any cars or anything else outside. It was dark out, and especially dark with the trees around him, and he didn’t even have any lights on his house besides the small lamp next to the couch and his TV. He had been watching something when he noticed the person.

He started wondering if it even was a person. There were tons of wild animals that could have come out of the woods, sniffing around his property looking for scraps. He had seen bears behind his house before, and there was no reason to assume that the thing outside was a person.

Until, as Matteo watched from the window, there was a bright flash from where the figure was standing. Matteo jumped back, yanked the curtain closed, his heart pounding in his chest. He had no clue what the flash was but it confirmed that there was definitely a person behind his house.

The person was still far away, right at the edge of the woods, and Matteo didn’t feel like he was in any imminent danger. He slid the curtain open the tiniest bit, just enough so he could peek an eye out, and saw another flash. After that second flash the figure stood still for a moment, and then bent down, and stood up, lifting what looked like a bike up off the ground. The person mounted the bike, and rode away quickly. Matteo watched the bike disappear in the direction he knew the road was, and he let out a breath.

It might have just been a weird neighbor who got turned around on a nightly bike ride, even though he had been warned since he was a baby to not go outside his house without some kind of light to scare away potential animals. Or maybe it was someone from some organization in his area, making sure the properties were being taken care of. Matteo thought of a million excuses, all of them seeming rational enough to not panic. He triple checked his locks before going to bed, and everything looked good, so he made sure his phone was fully charged and he pulled an old baseball bat out of a closet just in case. Better safe than sorry.

He was still thinking about it the next morning, as he stood at the door leading out the back of his house, steaming a mug of coffee clutched in both hands. No matter the season it was always freezing in the mornings where he lived, and to compensate he was wearing his purple jacket over a sweater over a long-sleeved shirt, two pairs of sweatpants, and a pair of fuzzy rainbow socks over a more boring white pair. The socks had been a gift from Abdi his first birthday after coming out to them, and he had rolled his eyes in the moment but they quickly became his favorite things to slip on in the morning.

He took a sip of the coffee as he stared over the grass leading to the woods, feeling warmth spread all the way to the tips of his fingers. He leaned back against the doorframe, took another sip and then dropped his head back and closed his eyes. He hadn’t slept great the night before, still too full of adrenaline from the person on the bike to even close his eyes. He shivered a little, remembering the previous night, and looked out again, at the spot where he had first noticed the figure. 

He was about to turn away, go back inside to text Jonas about the whole thing and joke about it to make himself feel less nervous, but his eyes caught on something. Something flat and dark, lying in the grass, he couldn’t quite make it out but it looked like a book. He stared at it for a good few minutes, and then placed his coffee cup down and wrapped his arms around himself, shoved his feet in the boots he kept by the door, and started walking towards the woods.

There was a wet chill in the air, and he could see his breath as it shakily left his lips. His heart was pounding again, his hands shaking a little where they were clutching his sides, but he strode on, his eyes fixed on the book. He reached the spot, and stood some feet away, glancing around as if the person was going to come running out and snatch the book out from under him. He didn’t see anyone, didn’t hear anything besides the usual morning song of the birds around him, and the rustling trees, and he bent down as quick as he could and grabbed the book.

It was cold, was what he noticed at first, so much so that he almost dropped it right away. He wrapped his hand in his sleeve and looked at it, his second observation being that it seemed to be a journal or something, with no title on the cover or the side, the front and back a dark, brown leather. He tucked it under his arm and quickly shuffled back inside, closing the door behind him and putting the book next to his coffee so he could reabsorb some warmth. Once he could feel his hands again, he looked at the book, and felt a chill go through him that wasn’t from the cold. 

Great, he thought to himself, his breathing picking up as he did so, the mysterious dark figure creeping around your backyard in the dark totally isn’t going to be mad that you took their journal. They totally aren’t going to come get it back and they totally aren’t going to have a weapon and they totally aren’t going to kill you when they see that the only person here is a scrawny gay baby who hasn’t even talked to another person in two weeks.

Not the most helpful path for his mind to take. His eyes were still fixed on the book, his brain spitting out thousands of awful things that could be inside it, and he quickly walked over and flipped the cover open. And he titled his head.

The first thing he saw wasn’t words like he was expecting, but what looked like a drawing stuck onto what Matteo thought was a photograph. The background was a dark tree, the black leaves clear and crisp against the background, and the sketch on top was of a bird. It was cool, even if it belonged to someone who was going to come kill Matteo to get it back.

[He flipped the next page, and saw a drawing of a boy in what looked like a dress, with his fist up, and an angry face. He flipped to the next one and saw some sketches of a few different random faces, probably not random to whoever owned the book. He kept looking through the pages, eventually grabbing the book and turning page after page as he started his usual ghostly path around the house. (change to more generic creepy sketches/photographs of houses and Matteo realizes that that’s probably why he was taking pics but he keeps flipping and sees some more personal sketches and some of people)

He must have flipped through hundreds of sketches, photographs stuck onto paper, and combinations of the two, which he knew there was a word for but he couldn’t think of it no matter how hard he tried. When he got to the last page, a little disappointed to be nearing the end, he saw one blank page. The page right before it had a fox, with writing at the bottom that Matteo didn’t read before his attention was caught by the only completely white page in the book.]

He shook his head, dropping the book back onto the table in his kitchen, deciding to forget about it until he ate something and called Jonas to whine to him about it.

He walked to his fridge and pulled it open, frowning when he noticed how empty it was. He sighed as he realized that he needed to go shopping, and looked in all the drawers, only finding a few random pieces of fruit, some tupperwares of old leftovers that he needed to throw out, and some beer. He really needed to go shopping. He pulled the freezer open and smiled when he saw a carton of ice cream he had forgotten he had bought. He wasn’t below eating ice cream for breakfast.

He pulled it out and set it on the counter, and heard a sudden thud thud thud on the wall closest to him. He jumped, but rolled his eyes, and said out loud, “I’m sorry Helena, but I don’t have anything else!”

There was another thud and then quiet, and then a weird scraping sound that got quieter and farther away. He didn’t have names for all of the ghosts in his house, but there were a few prominent ones. He had made up a story about Helena, an old cook who died in a tragic onion slicing incident, who was going to spend the rest of her days scolding anyone in the house for inadequately feeding themselves. He would hear thud anytime he reached for candy over fruit, or pizza over vegetables, or made another pot of spaghetti instead of learning how to make anything else, or closed the fridge without taking anything out. Helena was the loudest by far.

He happily ate his ice cream, and then called Jonas. Jonas not only sounded worried, but a little annoyed at Matteo’s lack of worry about the whole situation. 

“Bro, you saw someone creeping around near your house in the middle of the night, found a fucking journal in the same place the next morning, and decided to take it?” Jonas asked, his voice getting higher and higher as he spoke, “do you want to get killed?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time someone died in this house,” Matteo joked back, making a ghostly wooing noise into the phone, but Jonas didn’t seem to find the humor in the situation.

“Do you want me to come stay for a few days?”

Matteo snorted, “You? Staying over at my house? Jonas, you can barely spend five minutes here without pissing yourself.”

“It’s not my fault that my best friend lives in a fucking haunted house, but I’ll come stay if you if you need me too. I honestly might do it anyway.” Jonas said, and Matteo rolled his eyes.

“Dude, I’m fine. Weirder things have happened here.” He didn’t know how true that was, but he was hoping it would just further deter Jonas from wanting to come by. He didn’t want to spend a week with Jonas jumping at every tiny noise, insulting the ghosts that Matteo considered his friends. That might’ve been a bit of an exaggeration, but it wasn’t fun to have people in your home who were so obviously uncomfortable. 

“Well, call me the second anything else happens,” Jonas said, and then said, “no, call the police first, and then call me. Promise?”

“I’m not going to call the police, dude.”

“Matteo,” Jonas said, suddenly serious in a way that made Matteo shut up, the smile slipping from his face, “I already worry about you so fucking much being out there alone, can you at least promise me that you’ll be smart about this?”

Matteo bit his lip, feeling guilty. He didn’t know Jonas worried about him so much. He sighed out, “Okay, okay, if I see anything I’ll call the police, and then you, and anyone else you think I should.”

“Probably Amira too, but don’t tell her about this because she’ll come there and kill you before that other person even has the chance.”

Matteo laughed, and heard Jonas chuckle on the other end. He did really appreciate that his friends cared about him, but he kind of wished they would show it in ways that didn’t involve him getting scolded.

“I’m definitely not going to tell her,” Matteo laughed again, and then got quiet and his own kind of serious and said, “and thanks, dude. I’m sorry I’m scaring you, but I promise I’ll be safe and if I’m not someone will know.”

“Okay, good,” Jonas sounded relieved, “and I will come visit soon, okay? I miss you, man.”

Matteo smiled. They ended the conversation, Jonas relieved that Matteo wasn’t just going to let fate take its course with things. He went back to his fridge after, started looking through the cupboards too, and made a list of everything he needed. He got himself dressed and ready to go out, and hopped in his car and started the engine.

And it didn’t start. He turned the key again, and again, and finally on the fifth try the pickup roared to life. His car was a piece of shit but it usually got him from point A to point B, so he couldn’t complain. He also didn’t have the money for a new one at all, and was planning on selling it whenever he moved to the city. He hated driving.

He made his trip out as quick as possible, feeling strange with all of the eyes of the other store patrons on him. Nobody was actually looking at him but he was so unused to being around people, especially as many as were crowded into the aisles. He grabbed everything he needed and had paid and was back in his car in under twenty minutes, a new record. He blasted music as he made the drive back to his house, and brought the groceries in and shoved them in the fridge with little thought. 

He lazed around for the rest of the day until he realized he should probably start making food, and he eyed the fresh produce he had bought, trying to remember the last time he had ingested a vegetable, and he grabbed a bag of spinach and a few other things to make some nutrition-packed eggs to make up for his ice cream breakfast. There was a quiet bang on the wall next to the fridge, Helena’s usual way of giving her approval for Matteo’s food choices. 

The sky had darkened as he was cooking, and he was standing in the middle of his kitchen eating the eggs out of the pan with the spatula, because why not, when he saw movement out the window. He paused with the last forkful of eggs halfway to his mouth as he tried to focus his eyes in the almost pitch black outside, and they suddenly caught on what he could only assume was the same person as the night before, standing in the exact spot Matteo had found the book, standing perfectly still. 

He held his breath. The figure didn’t move for a while, at least not that Matteo could see, and he put the pan down on the counter, his hands shaking hard as he grabbed at his pocket for his phone. He had just dialed Jonas’ number, not wanting to jump to the police quite yet, when the person suddenly whipped around, grabbed their bike, and rode away, much faster than the night before. Matteo lost track of what direction the person was going in, and his eyes widened as he started panicking that that direction was towards his house.

He dropped his phone, probably the dumbest thing he could have done in the situation, and stood there hyperventilating until he caught the briefest glimpse of what had to be the figure on the bike, once again following the path back to the road. It didn’t completely calm Matteo’s nerves because the person knew that the book was gone, knew that the only house for miles around was Matteo’s and the speed that the person had left at was a little concerning. Not enough for Matteo to call Jonas, but he spent another night wide awake, eyes wide open, on the couch because for some reason it felt safer. He passed out from pure tiredness just as the sun started to creep up over the trees.

And then nothing, for a few days. Matteo found himself constantly glancing towards the windows, sure he was going to see someone right outside brandishing a weapon and demanding entry, the book, and Matteo’s life. He didn’t know why he was so sure that the person was going to kill him for taking it, but it just seemed like the kind of thing that would happen to him. He’d just become an actual ghost and haunt whatever random family member they shoved in the place to keep it in the family.

No, nothing happened until a few days later. Matteo had even started feeling less tense, his eyes darting to the window less, less convinced that he had even needed to be worried in the first place. It wasn’t the first time he had seen someone in the woods near his house, even though all of those times had been during the day and he had at least one parent in the house. It really wasn’t that big of a deal.

Until he was making himself breakfast one morning. He hadn’t wanted to hear it from Helena so he was making eggs again, with peppers instead of spinach for some variety, and he heard a bamg that didn’t sound like one of his usual visitors. He froze, but didn’t hear anything else so he continued sliding his spatula around the pan. He gasped when there was another sudden bang, and few more, and what sounded like something pounding on his door until there was a crack, and even though he wasn’t in the room he could tell by the sound that his door had been forced open.

He turned the stove off, and then again, froze completely in place. His eyes were darting around the room, eyeing the knife on the counter and the thick wooden rolling pin that was leaning out of the sink. He had options to protect himself, if only he could fucking move. He heard footsteps, heavy ones, loud ones, and he snapped into action. He grabbed the rolling pin and strode out of the room, filled with enough adrenaline to be convinced that he could take whoever had just broken into his house.

It didn’t take long for him to find the intruder. He was facing away from Matteo, and when Matteo spotted him he stopped moving. He didn’t see any weapons in the person’s hand, could only really see a large black jacket, black backpack, black pants, black shoes, and the back of a head of curly, dark hair.

Matteo shifted his weight and felt his blood run cold when the floor under him creaked. The person whipped around, and yelled out a terrified, “What the fuck?”

They stared at each other in a shocked silence. The guy in front of him didn’t seem too scary, or like he had come to kill Matteo for stealing his book. He looked scared himself, his bright brown eyes still wide, his lips parted.

“I thought-” the guy stuttered out, shaking his head in shock, “I thought this place was abandoned.”

Matteo tilted his head, wondering if he really was a fucking ghost, or maybe his house was abandoned and he was just considered abandoned along with it. He took a breath when the guy tilted his head back, and then quickly said, “Well, nobody told me that.”

He didn’t know why he was trying to joke around with the person who had just broken into his house. Remembering that fact he felt his breathing speed up a bit, his hands clenching tighter around the rolling pin, and he must have moved it enough to be noticed, because the guy quickly raised his arms, with his palms out as if Matteo had told him to put his hands up and drop any weapons.

“I promise, I really thought this place was abandoned,” he said quickly, stuttering over his words, “I’m a photographer, I take pictures of abandoned places. I promise I didn’t know anyone lived here. Please don’t call the police, this isn’t the first time I’ve accidentally broken in somewhere and they don’t like me very much.”

Matteo furrowed his brows. He noticed the strap around the other’s neck, leading down to a very fancy looking camera gently resting against his chest. His story seemed to check out, so it would have made sense for Matteo to kick the guy out with some stern words, and go to the store and buy the strongest locks on the market.

He didn’t of course, because he’s Matteo, but what he did do was drop the rolling pin to his side and ask, “What’s your name?”

The guy smiled at him, and Matteo couldn’t help but notice that it was a really great smile, and said, “I’m David, and I’m really sorry I kicked your door in. I’ll pay to replace it, and to get you new locks because the ones you have definitely aren’t doing their job.”

“Yeah, obviously,” Matteo snorted, and at the expectant look from David said, “I’m Matteo. And this place is haunted, so it’s good you weren’t trying to break in. Well, trying to break in to do something bad.”

David’s eyes lit up, and he asked, his smile growing, “Haunted?”

“Yep.” Matteo replied, popping the p, smiling when from behind him he heard what sounded like a doorknob being shaken, and then a door creaking and a thud, and said, “that one’s Timmy. He died from shock after walking in on his parents having sex.”

David laughed, his grin growing bigger until his eyes were almost shut from it, and Matteo had to tell himself that it was not the time to start ogling. Just because a boy with the prettiest smile Matteo had ever seen and the nicest laugh he had ever heard was in front of him didn’t mean he had to fall for him. Especially considering the guy had broken into his house.

David started looking around, his eyes only staying on each feature of the house for a second before moving on, and Matteo got so lost in watching his calculating gaze that he jumped when he suddenly said, “This place is amazing, when was it built?”

“Um, I don’t really know,” Matteo said, trying to think back in his memory because he was sure someone told him at some point, “a long ass time ago.”

David laughed again. Matteo’s stomach fluttered at it and he quickly turned around, running his hand over the top of some cabinet that was probably hundreds of years older than him.

“If you want,” he started, ignoring the voice in the back of his head that sounded suspiciously like Jonas yelling at him not to, “you can still take pictures here. If you want it to look authentic you might have to move my Switch and the flatscreen but I’m sure we can work something out.

“No, it’s okay. I don’t want to intrude, I’ve already done that enough.” David replied, shaking his head, though his eyes were still roving around the room, his fingers twitching towards the camera around his neck.

Matteo shrugged, “You wouldn’t be intruding. I don’t really do much, as long as you don’t steal my shit or look through my stuff I don’t really care.”

It was dumb as fuck for him to offer a complete stranger free range of his home, his home in the middle of nowhere, a complete stranger who again, had broken into his house, but it didn’t seem like he needed to be scared of David. He seemed nice, and was way too apologetic about the situation to have any ulterior motives. Matteo hoped, at least. And what did he really care if a cute boy came around a few times to take pictures of his house?

“Are you sure? I can pay you a bit, or have my sister bake you something in return. Is there anything you want?”

Matteo smirked, and said, “Just knock next time and you’re good.”

David smiled back, held a hand out, and said, “You’ve got a deal.”

Matteo grabbed his hand, but quickly pulled away when the second their skin touched, he felt a shock. He looked at his hand, and then back at David who was doing the same, and said, “Might have to cancel that arrangement if you have superpowers.”

“Well, you live in a haunted house, how do I know you aren’t a ghost? Maybe I shouldn’t be accepting offers from ghouls anyway.” David quipped, the corners of his mouth turning up.

“A little late for that, we did shake on it.” Matteo replied, smiling at the back and forth. He hadn’t had such smooth conversation with someone who wasn’t a close friend in years. He kept trying to remind himself that David was there in his house because he broke in, kept trying to stare at the scratches on his boots from kicking the door in, but his eyes were always drawn back up to David’s face.

“Good point,” David said with a grin, and then he looked towards the door, and continued, “I should probably go, I’m sure you’re busy.”

Matteo looked down at himself, at his sweatpants and shirt that had a stain on it, and his rainbow fuzzy socks because of course he was wearing those, and said, “Yeah, lots of important business to take care of.”

“Like buying new locks? And making sure I didn’t break your door? And making sure you get the receipt for everything so I can pay you back?”

“Yep.” Matteo said, popping the p again, blushing when David smiled at him.

“I’ll let you get to that,” he said, and then his face dropped and he said, “and again, I’m so sorry about all of this. I can’t believe I broke into your house and you’re being kind to me.”

“Maybe I just want someone else here for the ghosts to focus on,” he said, and grinned when there was a bang from somewhere behind him, “It can get a little tiring.”

David looked thrilled, and started heading towards the door, calling out on his way, “I can’t wait!”

Matteo watched him walk out the door with a wink thrown over his shoulder, and walked over to the nearest wall, pressed his back against it, and slid down until his ass hit the floor. He dropped his head into his hands, and muttered to himself, “What the fuck just happened?”

There was a quiet knock on the wall a couple of inches away from his head, and he didn’t know who it was from but he appreciated it nonetheless.

***

Matteo made the executive decision to tell absolutely nobody that the first thing he did when someone broke into his house was invite him back. He knew that Jonas would be in a car on his way over in a second just to yell at Matteo in person, and he was sure Amira would learn how to teleport so she could get there first to kick his ass. He figured it was better to keep them in the dark until David turned out to actually be a murderer or something.

He did realize, about an hour after the entire situation happened while waiting for an employee at the hardware store he went to to get him the strongest locks they sold, that he and David hadn’t actually arranged a time for him to come. He didn’t have his number either obviously. And with these new locks he won’t even be able to break in if you don’t answer the door, Matteo thought to himself, laughing just as the employee walked back over. He shot Matteo a strange look as he handed the locks over, and Matteo bought them and left as quickly as he could.

It didn’t really matter too much because a few days later, just as Matteo was twisting the end of a joint he had just rolled, there was a knock on the door. He paused, knowing immediately that it was David because nobody ever came to visit him. He tucked the joint behind his ear and got up, shaking the nerves out of his hands as he walked to the door. He didn’t want to admit how much of his nerves were purely because David was attractive. 

He pulled the door open and felt all the air rush out of him. David was standing there with a huge grin on his face, wearing a simple tee shirt and shorts, the camera around his neck and a bag strapped to his back. He tilted his head when Matteo didn’t say anything.

“Hey,” he said finally, stepping back and inviting David in with a slight bow and sweep of his arm, “enter if you dare.”

David took in a dramatic breath and closed his eyes as he stepped over the threshold, and then opened them again, darting around in faux fear at the surroundings. Matteo rolled his own, and crossed his arms over his chest, not really knowing what to say.

Thankfully David seemed to want to get right into working, and he stepped further into the house, his eyes darting around again with actual interest as he studied the foyer of the house. “Can we start in the kitchen?”

Matteo nodded and led him that way, hoping that he had cleaned up from cooking breakfast that morning. He was pleased to see no pots or pans out on the counters, and nothing in the sink, either. David looked around, smiling at the older features and furniture and stepped forward to look closer at the cabinets. He ran his hand over the wood, and then stepped back again, raised the camera to his face, and pressed his finger down. There was a click, the sound of the shutter going off, and then David pulled the camera away from his eye and started clicking through the buttons on it. He turned, took a picture of the open space of the kitchen, and then checked that one too.

[hatari-translations]

Matthías on ‘Men and Responsibility in the Time of #MeToo’

This is a podcast episdode featuring a panel discussion with Matthías in it, titled "Men and Responsibility in the Time of #MeToo". It's quite long, so I'm just going to translate Matthías's comments and what they're in response to.

It's prompted by the 'second wave of #MeToo' going on in Iceland right now, thanks to an unpleasant chain of events involving a prominent podcast host getting a lot of sympathy for supposedly false accusations of sexual violence against him only for two women to then step forward to press charges against him. There's been a lot of emerging discussion in the wake of it, especially about people sympathizing with and believing perpetrators over survivors. Obvious content warning for discussion of sexual assault below.

First, the host asks about men looking inward to reflect on their own past behaviour during this time, and whether they and their friends have been doing so, directing the question first toward Matthías. He responds:

MATTHÍAS: I think so, yeah. I think it's natural and good in this moment to reflect on the past a bit, and perhaps redefine or rediscover, or even - I'm having a hard time even getting words around this. I haven't really expressed myself in this discussion, but yeah, I think I did look back and try to think about boundaries, and I think many people around me are doing that, who have a conscience and want to do right. We're experiencing a kind of - my generation is sometimes called the porn generation - maybe we're kind of discovering a skewed way of thinking that we've grown up with regarding boundaries. So perhaps it's healthy to look back and try to figure out whether you've ever violated a boundary with your ex, or whatever.

And then there's a different matter, discussed in Kastljós yesterday, how if you conclude that you have done so, or your friend has done so, how you go about taking responsibility for that, and I thought that [the Kastljós discussion] was good. I'd really like some kind of education in how to discuss that with friends, what that conversation should look like. If your friend is either accused of something, or determines for himself that he didn't respect his girlfriend's boundaries, or something, in the past - how do you talk to him? I liked hearing yesterday, how did they phrase it, that you should ask permission before apologizing. Not just show up expecting them to sign something absolving you of sin - the conversation should be on the survivor's terms. I don't know. As you said, it's first steps - this is the first time I, at least, express something of worth publicly, or at least I hope it's of worth, I don't know. But it's a really new discussion, and I feel very immature in it, like I don't really have the tools to talk about it. I've just been listening and trying to learn and realize what so incredibly many women around us have been going through, and I feel a certain sense of powerlessness to even talk about it. So thanks for pushing us to get into it.

After a while, Árni Matthíasson mentions the first step is to realize that men grow up learning a lot of toxicity and you have to realize that you're in that position; Matthías adds, "And that you're immensely privileged."

Later, they're talking about how men often don't have the courage to speak up against sexism and toxicity in other men, and how there's a kind of codependency in letting it slide. Matthías adds, "I think all guys can relate to that, from elementary school onwards." They talk about "perpetrator codependency" (gerandameðvirkni), the phenomenon of sympathizing with and failing to object to the perpetrators. Matthías suggests that could be applied to locker room talk too (something that'd come up earlier), "sexist codependency": you don't think of yourself as a sexist but you still go along with these situations.

MATTHÍAS: And speaking of having the tools to talk about it [the others had agreed with his mention of this], I would really like to be better at just being able to nicely and naturally in the situation, but still firmly, explain that I don't think disrespect towards women is okay, whether it's joking or not, without just getting the perpetrator, the sexist, to go on the defensive. To learn to just draw that line in the sand of Hey, you're not funny. It's something we need to practice, I think, as men.

In response to Árni talking about believing survivors on principle and refusing to be neutral, Matthías responds:

MATTHÍAS: You talked about the neutral way, and you were asking if it's hard for men to step up. Up until now, I've had the privilege of not technically needing to take a stance. That's a privilege that men have. I had no idea who Sölvi Tryggva [the podcast host whose case started all this] was before this, I don't watch podcasts, and kind of had the benefit of none of it having to affect me. It wasn't until I started talking to female friends, and women around me, that I realized how much it provokes, and this thing of being triggered. I think guys maybe don't properly know what it means. It has a huge amount of impact on survivors to see that perpetrator codependency, and so much else these days.

GARÐAR GUNNLAUGSSON: If guys look inward a bit, they can see there are women in their lives, everywhere, who've been through something, and often something really awful.

ÁRNI MATTHÍASSON: As they say, it's not all men, but it's nearly all women.

GARÐAR: Yeah.

MATTHÍAS: Exactly.

The host plays a clip of a researcher studying intimate partner violence, talking about 'monsterization', how people imagine perpetrators are these scary inhuman monsters determined to do evil, and this makes it harder for perpetrators to face and own up to what they've done, which is exactly what survivors often most wish for - for the perpetrator to take responsibility for their actions. The host talks about how this also makes it harder for people to believe that their friends have done something unsavoury - you know your friend's not a monster so they can't have done this. Árni talks a bit about how most sexual violence is perpetrated by intimate partners, not some masked stranger.

MATTHÍAS: I remember when I first heard that. I don't think I properly understood it. If it's not some criminal in an alley, then who? I was probably just a teenager when I heard it, that no, it's usually someone close to you that rapes you. I couldn't quite even think that thought through.

GARÐAR: That it could be someone in your intimate circle.

MATTHÍAS: Yeah. Just, anyone you meet.

There's talk about the notion of ruining people's reputations.

MATTHÍAS: Yeah, that thing of valuing reputation so incredibly highly. We could value the experiences of survivors more highly, compared to that. I think it's a really good question - we're taking baby steps with this, but perhaps one thing that's easy to make judgements about is, say some acquaintance is accused of violence, and you don't have the context to judge it, but you still want to stand with survivors, but your friend's also not a monster - whether he's guilty or innocent, he can always show humility and willingness to listen and look inward. That's something I think both the monsters and the good kids should consider. I don't know, when you see someone accused of something and there's no humility towards the accusers' experiences, just defensiveness, or no looking inward to say, 'I think I'm innocent but what about my behaviour has made this person feel differently' - that's a reason to ask yourself big questions. Humility, listening, looking inward, for ourselves and our friends. I think that's one of the keys.

Garðar points out that if you just cut off a friend who's perpetrated violence, he's still there - the violence is still happening until it's actually addressed. You have to have the courage to intervene and try to get him to change, to show that you won't tolerate it, and Matthías agrees with that and says it's something he wishes he were better at, and that all men were.

The host muses on why sex in particular is such a quagmire for violation of boundaries. Árni emphasizes that rape and sexual assault are not sex but violence, and Matthías says "Yes, very good point." The host elaborates, talking about how a lot of the dating culture involves intoxication and so on, and sometimes people just don't get what their partner wants or doesn't want in that situation.

MATTHÍAS: Maybe guys are just very bad at putting themselves in women's shoes, or listening to them. I think if you thought of something that happened at the club yesterday and properly try to put yourself in the girl's shoes, it's simpler than you'd think to work out in your head whether she liked it, whether she thought it was funny or enjoyable when I said this or touched her there. At least part of the problem might be that guys just keep going, trusting that they'll be celebrated whatever they - it's just privilege. And the disconnect happens there. And it's just an exercise in, what I was saying earlier, humility and listening and looking inward.

ÁRNI: Like we're always Mr. Wonderful.

MATTHÍAS: Yeah. Like we're always Mr. Wonderful, and then when Mr. Wonderful hears somebody didn't enjoy what he was doing yesterday, or that he violated a boundary, or even committed violence, that really knocks down some of Mr. Wonderful's worldview. I don't know, that might be part of it. Maybe it's not that complicated, we're just bad at putting ourselves in others' shoes.

GARÐAR: Or we're just idiots.

MATTHÍAS: Yeah, maybe that's what it is. Well, I mean, often when you hear stuff like 'Oh, nothing's allowed anymore', that classic sentence, it's this sort of cognitive distortion from a guy who thinks he's wonderful and everything he says is smart or funny. And if that guy really tries to think, 'Hmm, does this girl think what I'm saying is cool or fun? Is this fun flirting or is this girl just waiting for the conversation to be over so she can leave, because she feels uncomfortable?' I don't think it's that hard, if you sincerely try to understand how the other person feels. Then, of course, there are probably other variables to it.

[speedstershipping-archivee]

Viability.

Dick Gr.ay.son x Lyell ( s/i )

GIF CREDIT: x

WARNINGS: titans season 3 spoilers, mentions of death and loss, angst.

WORD COUNT: 1192

AUTHOR'S NOTES: wrote this after today's episode because it has me feeling™. this takes place before dick travels into the woods and goes through with his plan to lure in Jason, which he omits mentioning, for obvious reasons. not sure how good this is but I wanted to post it since I am rarely commit to and finish fics this fast.

----

"Where are you going?"

Dick had swiftly grabbed his car keys off the entryway table, and made a b-line for the door, only stopping dead in his tracks upon hearing the other's voice. He looked back quickly, and seeing Lyell stood there with expectant eyes, he relaxed, his gaze turning softer.

"Nowhere you need to worry about." He assured them. Lyell had inquired only with a innocent curiosity, but was met with a hardened expression that made the smile on their face fade a little. Dick may not have been the most expressive person (though admittedly, in their eyes at least, he had been opening up a bit more these days; wearing his heart on his sleeve more, even if only slightly moreso than before). But they knew when their boyfriend's head was somewhere else. They could practically feel the tension he had built around himself , despite not even knowing what had brought him into this mindset in the first place.

"Hey," their words suddenly went gentle as they walked over to him, eyes laced with concern. " You doing okay? "

Dick knew if he looked into them his tough exterior would be rendered useless, and in a last ditch effort to hide his true intentions, he averted his eyes elsewhere, anywhere but at theirs. He had plans he was set on, after what Jason did, not just to Hank, but to Dawn and Conner, to all of them, to his family -- he wanted to take down Red Hood, once and for all. Even if his means weren't exactly safe, or legal. They were impulsive, but he wasn't about to say that to Lyell.

After all, that was their brother. Though they had danced around talking about it with him, he knew they still held some sort of care for the former titan. He could remember the sickness they expressed when they had found out Jason was Red Hood, that Jason was not only alive, but trigger happy at that, having turned on them and killed innocents in what seemed like unwarranted yet elaborate attacks. And the horror in their eyes when Hank advocated for killing Jason (before he could cause anymore harm) was vivid in his mind. No doubt now, after the death of Hank at Jason's hand, was Lyell feeling an internal confliction. One that, despite everything, they did their best to suffer through alone.

Hypocritical, maybe. But, after what Bruce put him though, it was a coping mechanism that Dick could fully sympathize with.

"I'm fine," he settled on as an answer. "But I might be gone a while."

Lyell furrowed their eyebrows. Even now, in a private moment with the person he felt understood him most, he chose to close himself off from them. This wasn't an answer that was uncommon for them to receive from him. But, after what they'd been through together up until this point, and all the times they opened up to him, it felt like this time ... it hurt a little more.

"Is it that bad?" Lyell asked. Their way their voice faltered felt almost as they had given up stopping him already. "At least let me go with you."

"I'm out of options. I dont have any other choice." Dick spoke his words carefully in hopes it would calm their nerves. But knowing Lyell, they'd worry about him regardless if he wasn't right there with them. "You should stay here, keep an eye on Gar and Conner. Make sure they're doing okay after what happened. But I dont want you getting hurt at my expense. I can take care of myself just fine on my own."

It was a dangerous plan that came to him after Barbara had called him earlier that day; at a vulnerable moment, after having to part ways with Dawn, a close friend who had stuck with him, no matter how many times he had given her a reason not to. Though Barbara had also asked him how he was doing, he had dismissed her just the same. What was important now was doing what he hadn't let Hank do -- apprehend Jason before its too late. Or, in this case, it already was too late.

"Just because you can doesn't mean you have to," they wanted to say so badly, but the words felt thick in their chest, unable to come out. Deep down they knew once he had his mind set, there was no persuading him.

Feeling no other choice, Lyell pushed themselves into Dick's chest, wrapping their arms around him in a tight hug. They clinged to him as if he would vanish the moment he walked out of that door.

"Just ... don't do anything stupid while you're gone ... okay?"

There was a moment of surprise that quickly turned into adoration. It was only for a moment; but as Dick returned the gesture and held them close, he felt understood. Trusted. They didn't attempt to stop him, regardless of their worries, despite the many times he had disappeared on them before. Letting himself melt into their hold, even if only for a second, he pressed his lips to their temple in a ghost of a kiss.

"of course not." he whispered.

Their embrace lasted only seconds before the moment fleeted. Dick slowly let go of them. Lyell lingered a moment, hesitant to let go, but eventually did. They kept their gaze low; They didn't want to look at him, because they were afraid to confront that maybe that would be the last time they'd ever get to. After all, they weren't stupid. They knew whatever he was putting himself up against, it had to do with Jason. And they knew what their brother was capable of. It wouldn't be the first time he tore someone close to them away without leaving them even as much as a goodbye. But they trusted Dick; They've invested their whole heart in him with the belief that he would do his best not to break it.

But boy, how they already began to miss the warmth, the safety, and the certainty of holding onto him.

" Lyell ... "

Dick felt like he should say something. But before he could, Lyell turned away, disappearing down the long hallway without giving him a second look. Before their emotions could get the best of them and spill into his view.

There was a moment of reconsideration, but it didn't last. Dick decided against going after them. Instead, he watched them leave with solemnity. In the end, he didn't want to involve them in such a risk. He didn't even know if he was going to bring Jason back alive. Or if this would backfire and he wouldn't return himself. He knew well, if he got the chance, Jason would kill him immediately. And it was better him than Lyell -- he had already suffered so much loss of so many close to him for his age. He couldn't lose them. He couldn't lose Lyell.

But Dick wasn't going to waste any time overthinking it.

He was going to stop Red Hood once and for all.

----

[imaginesandinserts]

Irreverent Pt. 17 - Big Brother

Title: Irreverent Pt. 17 - Big Brother Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader Rating: T (Teen) Words: 2050

Irreverent Series Masterlist

Things had gone back to normal - or as normal as they ever got when you caught serial killers for a living. Cases at work had picked up with Hotch back in the driver's seat, and you were all starting to heal.

The team had successfully wrapped up a case in Kansas City involving missing children, so needless to say spirits were high. You drove back to the airport with Hotch, Spencer, and Garcia, with the others in another car behind you. Garcia had tagged along since the Unsub had been known to hack into home alarm systems and it would be good to have her on the ground with the rest of the team.

"What does everyone have going on for the weekend?" Penelope had obviously bored of listening to Spencer's lecture on quantum physics he'd been telling her about for the past 20 minutes. You and Hotch had conveniently tuned out, choosing instead to argue over your taste in music. You had been doing your best to introduce him to new artists instead of listening to The Beatles for the millionth time, and currently you were making a good case for Hozier.

"Jack's away at the lake with his cousins, so I have a free weekend for once," Hotch revealed. You were happy for him to be getting a break - he'd been working himself ragged trying to be Super Agent and Super Dad - a break was definitely a good call.

Before you could answer Penelope, your phone rang, distracting you and leaving Spencer to tell Penelope about his upcoming weekend of hustling with Emily in Atlantic City. The two of them made a dynamite duo in scheming drunk guys out of their money and had turned it into an annual tradition.

You quickly pulled your phone out of your pocket and saw - for possibly the fiftieth time that week - the name Dominic flash on your caller ID. Your brother had been pestering you for a few weeks now, trying to get in touch. No doubt he was doing your father's bidding. Being rid of him entirely had been too much to ask for.

You quickly dismissed the call, catching Hotch's glance in your direction. You shook your head at him, mouthing, "Later." He nodded in understanding, before tuning in to the conversation in the back once again.

"What about you, sugar?" Penelope asked, looking at you eagerly, awaiting your answer.

You thought for a second - what did you have planned for the weekend? With Jack away and Emily and Spencer off to Sin City, you didn't really have much to do. I should really get friends besides people I work with and their children. "Nothing planned," you said, turning in your seat to look at Penelope.

"Oh come on, Y/N! You're young! Vibrant! You should have plans. Men courting you." Penelope had been the most disappointed when you'd ended things with Cedric during the peak of the Foyet case. You had had more important things to worry about and between both of your busy schedules, actually seeing one another was becoming impossible. That was when you'd started to understand how hard it must have been for Hotch with Haley. He loved the job and he loved her, but she'd asked for him to leave it and in the end he hadn't been able to. While you sympathized with Haley, you got why Hotch had chosen the job. It would have killed him not to.

You chuckled, rolling your eyes good naturedly. "When would I meet men, Pen? The only men I meet are serial killers."

"Actually, statistically speaking, you run into at least fourteen eligible mates every time you step outside," Spencer rattled off in his all knowing voice. "Plus, you're a female of above average attractiveness, so it is actually closer to twenty for you."

"And yet, somehow, I'm single," you retorted. "I must be chasing them away with my attitude." You heard Hotch chuckle from next to you. He should laugh more. It makes him look younger.

*------------*

Penelope had talked everyone into going out once again, using the excuse that Hotch was free and didn't have Jack. You could tell he wasn't thrilled about being used as the excuse - he was so bad about enjoying bar type settings. However, he'd agreed under the agreement that everyone turned in their report to him before they left for their weekend activities. Spencer, Penelope, JJ, and Rossi had gone ahead, having quickly rushed through their reports. Hotch wouldn't leave until everyone had turned theirs in, and you didn't want him to be waiting alone, so you were sitting in his office keeping him company while waiting for Emily and Derek to wrap up as well.

When you'd brought your report up and then turned and sat on his couch instead of leaving, Hotch had quirked an eyebrow at you in question. "Can I help you?"

"Nope!" you said flouncing down on his couch. "I'm just waiting up here to make sure you can't just bail."

He rolled his eyes at you, but then fixed you with a contemplative look.

"What?"

"It's later now."

You looked at him, confused. "Yes…"

"The phone calls. You got them all week. Don't think I didn't notice."

"Right." Nothing ever really got past Hotch. "Dominic has been calling me, incessantly," you admitted.

"Your brother?"

"Yeah. I think my father put him up to it, and as he and I are no longer on speaking terms, I don't want to open any doors to communication."

"You know," he said quietly, as he walked up from his desk to come sit on the couch by you. "You don't ever talk about your mother."

"Well," you began slowly, focusing on a spot on the opposite wall as you spoke, "she wasn't really much of a mother, I suppose. My parents were that couple that should've separated a long time ago. Pretty sure I was the save-the-marriage-baby." You expected to see some pity on his face, but he simply sat and nodded, so you continued. "But, when it didn't work my mom sort of went away, always in her own world. Say what you will about my dad, but at least he was around, as much as he could be. She could've been there all the time - she just chose not to be."

Hotch had a way of making you want to talk to him. You'd tell him something awful, and sometimes he'd try to help. More often he'd just listen.

This time, he chose to speak, in his deep comforting voice. "You know, you should be proud. It's kind of amazing that you came out the way you did, given everything."  

You felt a warm glow surround you as you looked up at him, sincerity radiating off of him. "Thanks, I think," you laughed.

Derek's voice cut through the moment, "Hey, let's go you two! I've got mine and Prentiss's report here," he said, striding in and placing two files on Hotch's desk.

You saw Hotch get up, undoubtedly to check their work, but you were done waiting. "Nope, that's for Monday. Come on!" And against his protests, you grabbed his jacket and led him out the door.

The four of you drove over to the bar and found a spot a couple of blocks down. As you started walking towards the bar together, you heard a voice calling you from behind, causing you to tense up immediately.

"Y/N! Y/N, wait!"

You turned to see a large dark figure moving towards the four of you, and as it got closer you recognized your brother's face. Hotch and Derek were both instantly on alert as well, ready to come between you and the man hurrying towards you.

He looked much the same as he had the last time you saw him. He stood as tall and broad as Derek, looking even more intimidatingly large in his dark suit. "Dominic! What're you doing? Following me?" You were pissed.

"I need to speak with you," your brother said, moving as if to usher you away from the others.

You took a step backwards to avoid him and instead bumped into Hotch. "Anything you want to say to me, you can say it in front of them. But remember, they're federal agents, so I'd watch my words if I were you."

He glowered at you for a moment, before accepting that he wouldn't be able to catch you by yourself. "Father has a message for you," he announced.

"Oh yeah? Still playing dad's lapdog, are you?"

"You need to go man," Derek came to stand by your side, intimidatingly.

"You're being ridiculous!" Dominic seethed ignoring him, "You're disgracing yourself and everything we've been taught."

"What's the message?" You tried to remain calm, knowing it would rile him up more to see you unaffected by his old bullying tactics. Maybe then he'd just leave.

"Come home. The family needs you." He repeated what were obviously words fed to him by your father.  

"Tell father to leave me alone, Dom. I won't be his pawn anymore." You tried to do an about face and move the others along with you, grabbing Derek's arm with you.

"You're Emily Prentiss, aren't you?" You'd thought he was done, but his words towards Emily gave you all pause. "I've got a message for you as well…Valhalla says hello."

As you watched Emily's face lose all color, your brother turned around and vanished back into the shadows from where he'd come.

The mood sufficiently ruined, you all ended up back at the office so that Emily could fill you in on whatever or whoever Valhalla was.

As Emily explained her undercover role playing the IRA terrorist's girlfriend - Ian Doyle, codename Valhalla - you started to realize that you never truly know a person. Not that it changed how you looked at Emily per se, but that there are parts to people and their histories that you might never know, despite feeling as close as sisters to them.

"So, if Dominic L/N has a message from Valhalla, then that means that L/N Sr. knows Valhalla too, right?"

"Yes, most likely. I'm going to have my contacts at Interpol look into this," Emily said, in response to Derek's question.

Hotch had been pretty quiet, so the three of you turned to him to see what he was thinking. Noticing all eyes on himself, he looked at the three of you and then more specifically at just you, before sighing and pushing up from the table. Hotch spoke, carefully choosing his words, not quite meeting your eyes. "For some time now I've suspected that the CIA has a case open on Mr. L/N, and I think this pretty much confirms those suspicions."

"Wait, what? Why would you think that?" you asked, unsure of why this was the first time you were hearing about this.

Hotch sighed again, unsure of how to tell you. Slowly, he explained, "To be honest Y/N, I've suspected it since you told us about your dad. Your rejection from the CIA  never sat right with me. After your dad was here the last time and the case with Dawson, it made sense that your rejection was tied to some conflict of interest they would have with you being part of the agency and not anything to do with you personally."

You swallowed, trying to process what Hotch had said. If you were honest with yourself, a small part of you knew he was right. It had never sat right with you either, but at the time you hadn't been feeling confident and had assumed your year of partying had somehow been to blame.

"You really believe that, don't you?" You looked up at him as he stood with one hand tucked into his pocket and a furrowed brow.

"Yes, I do."

"Well then, I think a visit to the CIA is also part of knowledge gathering before we can more forward and assess the full threat." Emily's past as a rogue was definitely showing here as she drew herself into commanding position. The rest of you agreed to defer to her experience, deciding that she would get in touch with Interpol and visit the CIA alongside Hotch.