#but if they had to pay the voice actor and the background people past a certain point in order to keep using it on their platforms

[cecoeur]

I think the beats ricallen thing is just a usage rights situation. It wasn’t actually an ad for anything ever being sold, other than the general beats headphones, I guess. But I think the usage for that particular piece (for the voice actor and anyone in supporting “roles”) was up after 6 months and since it’s not actually an ad to promote a specific product that they could cut for use in other areas (because the headphones they show are so weirdly specific lol), it doesn’t make sense to keep it live and keep paying the people involved (other than Daniel and Josh who would probably be separate as part of their partnership deals).

[choiceofgames]

Author Interview

https://www.choiceofgames.com/2024/07/new-author-interview-drew-morrison-bootlegger-moonshine-empire/

I think this is your first time writing interactive fiction, but you’re rather an accomplished playwright, I gather. Tell me a little about your background and what brought you to Choice of Games.

I started writing for theater in middle school, and got my Masters in Playwriting at the University of New Mexico. Dialogue has always been my favorite part of writing, and theater offers such a great way to get together with friends and tell a story. I worked for a devised theater company in Albuquerque for about five years, and I really got attached to the camaraderie that develops around putting up a play, especially when it’s done without a lot of financial resources. It means everybody learns different tasks, and shifts around with each show: sometimes you’re a writer, sometimes an actor, director, technician, or shadow-puppeteer. The whole thing ends up being this wonderful process of collaborative problem solving: How do we make what we want to make with what we have? Those limitations spark more interesting ideas than the ones you’d have if you could just pay problems away.

I was introduced to Choice of Games by a friend who had worked for the company as a cover artist. I’d never written anything like this before, and it was a steep learning curve, but the Choice of Games forum and community is such a vibrant scene of supportive people that it’s been really exciting to work on. As a writer, it’s so easy to get sucked into the lonely process of submitting to distant strangers and contests, rarely getting any feedback on your work. The opportunity to have people engaged and willing to respond to your drafts is an invaluable resource, which was my favorite part of working in theater.

What did you find most challenging about the game design and using ChoiceScript to craft a narrative?

Pretty much everything? I was so proud the day I finally submitted a full draft that you could play through from beginning to end that it’s fueled me through the whole editing process since. Having finished a CoG game now, it’s amazing how many tips and tricks you pick up along the way that would change how you approach writing another game.

There were a lot of really fun challenges purely at the level of the prose. For one, second-person/present tense is such a fun, propulsive voice to write in. As someone who didn’t grow up with tabletop roleplaying games, it’s a relatively new voice for me.

Also, as a playwright, my plays are often structured around reveals and buried secrets. When lights come up on a play, we don’t know the people on stage, and revelations about their pasts, motives, relationships, and shared histories are part of what fuels the drama.

In an interactive fiction novel, the reveal isn’t as useful, because it will only work for the first playthrough. This completely changes the notion of suspense as a storytelling technique–a returning player has already seen behind the curtain. Plus, in the main character’s case, the player needs to know (and decide) all major backstory decisions from the outset, so that they can make informed decisions. This was really fun for me; as a writer I couldn’t rely on old tricks. It feels like I usually write as someone watching from the audience, and this was like going on stage and whispering in the main character’s ear.

Bootlegger is set during such an interesting period in American history. What about the period, and about Prohibition in general do you think modern readers may not know about?

The intersection of coffee and alcohol is really interesting to me. Part of the reason people drank so much pre-Prohibition was because alcohol was one of the only reliably safe ways to drink water. It would be much lower alcohol content than we associate with booze today, but people would drink the entire day. Coffee and tea were new forms of safe ways to drink water, so people went from being mildly drunk all the time to sober and caffeinated. The intellectual and political ramifications of that are massive.

The period is great for anecdotes, and I love all the methods people came up with to get away with drinking. Speakeasies would install levers that, when pulled in the case of a raid, would dump their entire liquor display down a hidden chute, shattering the bottles and draining the booze. Alcohol had been determined to have no health benefits, but during Prohibition that suddenly changed: whiskey could be gotten legally with a prescription for all sorts of maladies.

For me, it’s also a really interesting time of how people respond to a ban. For many, Prohibition was an attempt to stop some truly devastating habits, such as poor workers and farmers blowing their full paychecks on the way home, before even getting to their families. You can see how the Women’s Christian Temperance Union and the Anti-Saloon League could see alcohol and the people who sold it as criminal enterprises. At the same time, the complete ban on it meant that many people saw a market, and exploited it ruthlessly. With Bootlegger, I wanted to explore the sudden emergence of a new market that’s illegal, lucrative, and slightly absurd; something that was legal a few short years ago is now a violent, thriving industry.

Do you have a favorite NPC, one you enjoyed writing most?

I’ve never written any kind of gangster story, so writing Capaldi was a lot of fun. Writing a villain in general is a lot of fun, actually, but especially in this case, since Capaldi can be a villain or an ally depending on the play-through. That type of character, alternately frightening and endearing, is so rich and prevalent in gangster movies, and I like that in interactive fiction you might only see someone’s worst side when you’re on their worst side, which is just a terrible place to be. I think one reason we get into stories like The Godfather is because we see two sides of people, while the other characters in the story only see one: loving family member, terrifying murderer. It seems impossible that they can be one person.

If you were transported to the world of Bootlegger, what kind of underground shenanigans would you be best at? Distilling, smuggling, or imbibing?

I think I’d be good at distilling. I know I’d be terrible at being in charge of an operation, I have neither the economic wherewithal or ruthlessness. But I was a barista for a long time, so I think I’d be good at tending a still. I don’t think Prohibition had much of a “craft rotgut” scene, but I imagine I’d be able to get to the point of describing the flavor notes to my customers, which could maybe help me work my way up to get the kind of clients who could afford to care about the quality of their whiskey during Prohibition. But I’m also too trusting, so I’d be very easy to rip off. So, if I could find my way into an operation run by someone like Sam in Bootlegger, who takes care of their own, I’d make a very good worker.

Do you have a favorite tipple or are you a teetotaler?

I do love the occasional bourbon or an old fashioned, but generally I stick with beer.

What else are you working on/working on next, writing-wise?

I’m currently getting my Masters in Political Science, so I’m writing several essays, mainly focusing on the global impact of the film industry. I recently had a staged reading of a new play, Wildlife, which focuses on the illegal wildlife trade, as part of an ongoing project for my classes focusing on climate change. I am also working on an audio drama, called Ambrosia’s Big Break, with the hopes of releasing it in podcast format. Over the process of revising Bootlegger, I’ve had more ideas about things I’d like to do in this medium, so I’ve started to sketch out ideas for another interactive novel. This one would take an interconnected series of science fiction stories I wrote, and adapt them into one big world for the player. It’s one of those narratives that I’ve been attached to for years, but haven’t found the proper form for yet.

[communistkenobi]

this is maybe silly to tell you about but i'm very envious of how smart you seem and the level of grasp you have on theory that feels incredibly scary to me. i was in uni for sociology, and save for one text that i understood from start to finish, the rest of it always felt like it was deleting my brain cells slowly and made me feel stupid, even as smn who had grown up being a "literature" person. i think it's just a matter of getting started, but it all feels embarrassing >>

what I’m about to say is going to sound very masturbatory and self-aggrandising, but that can’t really helped on account of the fact that the topic is what a smart little boy I am

one, thank you! I’m always very flattered when people give me this compliment. I don’t think it’s silly at all. two, I’m pursuing a PhD in the social sciences with the intent to stay in the academy after I get my doctorate, and my particular field of study skews towards critical theory. on average only 1% of people in canada have a PhD, and a fraction of that percentile have my particular academic trajectory - all of which to say, I am an outlier amongst a peer group of outliers, so I’m an extremely bad measuring stick to use when judging your own critical capabilities. I’ve been in post-secondary school for roughly 7 years now and will be in it for at least four more, and for the past 4ish of those years my main source of employment has been teaching and research, so I am both paying for and being paid to read theory and teach it to undergraduate students in small classroom settings. By the standards of academia I’m very junior, but I have a lot of specialised training in talking and reading, which is to say, it’s taken me a very long time to be where I am now. My academic career depends on my ability to produce original thoughts and write them down in a way that both speaks to existing scholarship while contributing new things to said scholarship, so I’m in an environment that enforces a very particular kind of discipline that is not remotely common or normal. Being a graduate student isn’t a rich profession by any means, but you are paid to learn information and write it down - something I would not be able to do if I was working a full time job.

I also frequently don’t understand the shit I’m reading! It’s extremely difficult to read academic texts because they’re meant to be read in classroom settings where you’re forced to voice your confusion, speak with other people about what you’re reading, defend your positions, connect it to other work, synthesise it in essay format, and so on. My live-blogging of books I’m reading is an attempt to simulate that, because I tend to learn best when writing out why I have the opinions I hold. Being confused isn’t a sign of stupidity but rather a simple fact that you’re brushing up against concepts and theories that take people their whole careers to develop and publish.

My own background in academia is also very eclectic, so I know a little bit about many topics, but there are very little topics can I speak authoritatively on - I can’t speak about the state of knowledge on, say, international relations, or critical race legal scholarship, or employment disability policy, but I know vaguely of those things. I’m not even a well-read marxist lol

All of which is to say - I am a horrible metric to compare yourself to. I am one of the few sickos who genuinely wants to remain in the academy for the rest of my life because I sincerely believe in the pursuit and production of knowledge, and my chance to do so is largely dependant on my ability to explain myself to other people. Put another way, I have spent my entire adult life training to be a marginally popular communist tumblrina on a website primarily known for producing supernatural actor porn. So either way don’t feel bad about it

[moreespressoformydepresso]

So this will be tough to answer considering that carlos's actor is sadly no longer with us and let his memories live on

I was wondering if you ever had to do a story of carlos last few days with jane and his friends how would you do it

Like I love how they payed tribute to him in the royal wedding but I was surprised we never really got to see Jane sadness or her missing carlos

I guess it depends? Whether he saw his death coming or whether it’s as unexpected as the news of Cameron’s death was. If we go with the former, I’d put more focus on how everyone tries to cope with knowing someone is about to die. Specifically the underlying denial of everyone involved. Mostly I’d focus on Carlos trying to make the most of his last days and spending as much time with his loved ones as possible, tying up loose ends and crossing as many things off his bucket list as possible until his time runs out. Then there’s everyone around him coping, The denial, the pain of the truth constantly being thrown in your face, the powerlessness and the constant wondering what you could have done to prevent this. The trying to get everything out of the last few days because you don’t wanna live with the regrets of wasting time. Your deepest fear being that you’ll spend the rest of your life knowing you could have done more, and now it’s too late.

Then, finally, when it’s all over, I’d probably write about the inevitable ending to the story. Those who are left to pick up the pieces trying to stop that constant, niggling voice in the back of their head telling them it wasn’t enough. They weren’t enough. They could have done this that or the other and things might be different. They could’ve stopped it or at least slowed it down. The slow process of realizing that no amount of blaming yourself, justifiably or not, will change the past. It’s done. Carlos is gone. It’s too late to do anything about it now and all anyone can do is learn to live with it.

If it’s unexpected, I’d probably focus entirely on his friends and family. Specifically the different ways people try to cope with grief. The different stages of coming to terms with the fact that Carlos is gone and what forms they take in different people. The extremely emotional and the complete shutdown, the constantly doing something just to avoid thinking about it and the inability to do anything at all. The bottling everything up and the learning to let go. Grief is a slow process and it never really ends. It doesn’t leave, it just dulls to background noise. No matter how far you get, there will always be some kind of pain attached to the memories.

This was honestly hard to write. Apologies but I’m about to hardcore overshare so skip if you don’t wanna read it. I’ve written exactly one published story dealing with grief (fanfic for The Ballad Of Songbirds And Snakes) and that’s for a reason. When I was grieving, I was also dealing with a severe depressive episode, so I had a complete shutdown. I didn’t feel anything. Nothing about the situation felt real to me. But I saw the reactions of people around me and both of the situations I described above are ones I’ve experienced.

Two times, I watched a grandparent slowly die of illness. Years were spent seeing their health slowly deteriorate and trying to come to grips with that reality. It didn’t make the end easier when it came. All it did was shatter the illusion that maybe some miracle would save them and they’d pull through. One of these times happened right after an unexpected death. Everyone thought she’d live longer, and then she was gone. One week of thinking she’d be okay, and then it was over. It happened so fast I didn’t even have time to comprehend what was happening. None of these situations were easier, they were just different. It’s the sudden impact of a train against your heart vs the creeping cold spreading through you with every day you watch someone’s condition get worse. It’s watching someone battle against an illness until they’re so drained they give up the fight vs watching someone slowly lose touch with reality until they don’t even know what’s real and what’s in their head vs not even being able to watch anything at all because they’re already gone and you didn’t even get to say goodbye.

It’s never easy. And maybe the worst part is that you’ll never know if you had a hand in this or not, nor will you ever find complete closure. There will always be something, some regret or “what if”, and it’s inescapable.

[marshmallowprotection]

What do you think about June from The Ssum? Are you interested in that game or maybe decided not to play?

Let's slap out the first statement that needs to be said about the Ssum. I do not support the use of AI. I am disappointed in Cheritz. Someone suggested, and I agree, that they should've utilized the programs that many webtoon artists use to make backgrounds on time crunches if that was a concern; Or, they could've continued to do what they've been doing over the years by using stock images in the game that are royalty free. They did it in Mystic Messenger and the Sssum at the start. There is no ethical or morally correct reason to use AI.

I want that shit to die out like NFTs steadily are because I hate seeing artists, actors, writers, voice actors, etc robbed by these AIs. It leaves a damn sour taste in my mouth to think about the people being hurt by AI right now, and I can't believe Cheritz would ever think it would be okay to do that. I'm very disappointed in them as a company that prides itself on the happiness of others but they stooped to using AI in their game. That's not okay nor will it ever be okay. I pray they stop and listen to their fanbase about this shit.

But, as far as my interest in the Ssum goes outside of that fact?

Ever since it first came out, I simply did not enjoy the gameplay. It didn't take me long to realize that the Sssum wasn't a game for me, personally.

I felt overwhelmed by the amount of options placed in front of me, and while it is a learning curve to pick up a new game, the more that stood in front of me to do, the less I felt I understood and the more I wanted to pull my hair out. The interface was super busy, there was a lot to do! However, I attempted to give it a try for a few days with Teo because sometimes you have to try something to see if you can learn how to do everything and then enjoy it after better understanding the setup of the game. So, I tried to look past the amount of things to do and focus on the story.

Teo didn’t do anything for me interest wise. He didn't have anything interesting about him that worked for me romantically. So, it was hard for me to become invested when I was put in a situation where I didn't have a choice but to romance one character and he didn’t fit my type. That’s not a knock to Teo as a character, either, he just isn’t my type and therefore I had a hard time feeling drawn him to talk to him. 

I don't think Harry is my type, either, so had I tried again when his route came out, I would've inevitably quit again. This is not a knock to the characters. This is personal preference thing! Just because they are not interesting to me doesn't mean that they're not interesting characters, it just means I don't feel interested in them enough to care about their stories. 

If I'm going to be spending all my time focusing on having a major relationship with these characters, I need to be invested in them. I need a hook and something that excites me about them from the beginning. There was no draw for me and I felt no need to continue playing when there was no interest for me to keep doing so. I didn't feel an incentive to learn more about them because they weren’t my type. 

Microtransactions are a real problem these days. The Ssum has a lot of them in its game package. Listen, it is important that companies get money to be able to continue to create their games and do more, and I understand that for some games, microtransactions are always going to be there and there's nothing we can do about that. I miss when you could pay for videos games with a one-time purchase. But, unfortunately, those days are gone and I don't know if they will ever come back. 

People deserve to be paid for their time and energy they put into a game, regardless of what they did for that game, and this is one of the ways that people get paid. Microtransactions help pay for the things that keep these mobile games alive. The servers will always cost them a hefty penny, writers, programmers, artists, etc need to get their money as well. 

However, when you are playing a game that offers itself to you as something that you can play for free, then your enjoyment of that game should not be limited by the fact that you don't want to pay. A lot of major story elements are locked behind a paywall, and that takes away a lot of the enjoyment a player can have in this game. I do think it's complicated to figure out where to place the paid options in a game, but having them lock away key parts of the story that let you enjoy yourself just leaves a sour taste in my mouth. 

Maybe I was spoiled by just how free Mystic Messenger is. My enjoyment of a chat room is not locked behind my ability to pay for a better answer. I can say anything I want to say in the chat room and I can find out what happens in every replay. I don't have to spend money on batteries to be able to pick a better answer to learn more about the character. 

Now, about June as a character.

I do not appreciate his connection to Jumin Han. Because, to me, he is the family man and if he had a sibling, half-related or not, he would be there for them no matter what. If he knew about them, he would be there, and he would do everything within his power to make sure that they had a connection that nobody could break apart. Out of all the characters to make a family connection to, I don't know why the hell they thought it was a good idea to give Jumin Han one when he would've never gone a day without mentioning that he had a brother.

The only way I can reasonably think about this connection is if he was not informed that he had a brother at all until recently. Now, I'm not playing that game, but I do not think that's the way they're angling it. I think it was established that they already know about each other in this universe and they aren't close. That's not how Jumin Han would handle his life.

You mean to tell me that the character who wants nothing more than to have a family is not close to his half sibling? You want to tell me... that he's had a half-sibling this entire time, one that he knows about, and he's not close to him at all? That's not in character for him. All he has ever wanted was a family.

But, he didn't get that in his life.

He was an only child who was neglected by his parents, left to fend for himself emotionally all the time. He spent his childhood alone in every sense of the word when he wasn't with Jihyun Kim, and when he wasn't alone, he was either being sexually harassed by his father's partners or being threatened by people who wanted to hold him for ransom if he was caught by himself for just a moment away from his home. Before that, when he was left with his mother, she would lock him away in the basement and demand he stay there until he learned how to be "normal".

God, I think about that sometimes, and I think about the fact that he diminishes his trauma because he feels as though his trauma needs to be diminished because he grew up privileged. He understands his privilege as a child of a wealthy man but he discounts his own trauma in doing so. Anyone can suffer, regardless of status, and it's hard to see him knock himself down. 

The only thing this man has ever wanted was to experience what it felt like to grow up with a normal family. That's why he cherishes the idea of family so much. That's why he is filled with so much love for the RFA and his MC, friends. Because they become the family he's always wanted. They become what he always deserved. So, to think about him having a sibling that he's always known about and he has nothing to do with feels wrong. 

He is the kind of person who pushes for families to talk to each other and be there for one another, so why isn't he there for his brother? The only way you could play that off would be to say that he had no idea he had a little brother until recently.

I think they could take that somewhere if it was written that way, because it would devastate his worldview. He would be beside himself to think that he had a connection out there that he was never allowed to get close to. To think that he was never allowed to get close to his brother because his mother hated him so much. I don't like his mother in any sense of the word. I could see her doing that to him.

She is a materialistic and greedy woman who only cares about her wants and needs, and it's already hard enough for me to imagine her having another child because she does not seem like the kind of person who wants to have children. She seems like the kind of person who would only have a child to ensure her comfort in life. She does not seem like a person who would view a child as their own person, instead seeing them as a money ticket. I don't know anything about June and the way his life has shaped up with Carolyn as a mother. I don't know how that dynamic works with them, but I sure know how horrible of a parent she is to Jumin.

It can't be much better for June.

I can't rationalize anything about the connection between him and Jumin. 

At the end of the day, I want Mystic Messenger and the Ssum to exist as their own games. It is one thing to have Easter eggs in your game that tie back to the things that that company has done before. Like, I think we all love a little callback! Nameless and Dandelion had some references all over Mystic Messenger and there was nothing wrong with that. Those were fun little homages and call back to things that you might have played before.

But, when you tie your new game so inherently to the last game, it cannot stand by itself. People don't play because they want to learn more about the new and exciting characters that are in your new game, they are playing because they want more content about the characters from the other game. I know many people feel the same way about that because I have seen a lot of conversations about what it means to tie these characters together.

It does a major disservice to characters like Teo, Harry, and June.

It was one thing when they did little tie-ins like Jaehee picking up Teo’s phone for a day or Zen being a host at a television show! I had nothing wrong with those instances because it was nice to see them. But, now that they are so inherently tied together and it changes so much canon we thought we knew from the start, I don’t know how to feel. I don't like it. June's story changes Jumin's story and now, when you're playing Mystic Messenger, you're going to have to live with the fact that Jumin has a brother who is never mentioned.

You know, had they established the fact that he had a half brother he knew nothing about in that bad ending dlc, maybe this wouldn't have been such an issue, because then, there would have been something to play with narratively that made sense, but I don't know, I'm losing my mind over here. I have nothing but critiques all day for this shit.

[rosie-kairi]

Questions for 15 Friends Tag Game

Rules: Answer the questions, then tag 15 people. (won't be tagging anyone personally lol)

Thanks for the tag @/corishadowfang!

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

IRL No, not that I'm aware of. I'm the only one in my immediate family (sans my father's side) not named after another member of our family. I do get my middle name from my mom's first name, though. (which, funny enough, wasn't her original first name. She went by her middle name much more than her first name, so she just had it legally changed lol) My Dad wanted to name me Gwendolyn and his mom wanted Bronwyn.

Online, I think it's pretty obvious where I get my name(s) from lol. Though, I don't think I've ever told the origins of Rosie. It was actually originally supposed to be like an adjective? Like "rosy cheeks" or whatever, but I spelt it the way one spells the name Rosie and it came first in my url, so I came to be known as Rosie.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Can't remember exactly? But I think I was crying over some video compilation of people reuniting with lost pets and I was thinking about my deceased cat, Jazzy. I have no idea why I was watching that video.

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Nah, I'm 17.

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

In elementary school my mom really wanted me to get into softball since she played it in college, so I was briefly on a tee-ball (kiddie baseball, hit using a tee) team and a softball team. I didn't like it very much, so I only played for a year or so. Then in middle school my mom wanted me to get into Volleyball, same story there. The one sport that stuck was Swimming, which my mom insisted I try because both of my older brothers had been on the team in the past. I ended up being really good at swimming, so I still swim competitively to this day.

DO YOU USE SARCASM?

Mostly only around my family or people I'm close with irl. I really don't want to come off as mean around strangers, either online or face-to-face.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

Online I usually pay attention to the way they type, I suppose? or the way they talk through text, can't really explain it though. Real life, I suppose it's how they carry themselves, visual stuff like that.

WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOUR?

I have central heterochromia! Means I have two colors in one eye; blue and brown :) It's not really noticeable unless you look really close.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

Happy endings :)) Though I do watch scary movies in a roundabout way by putting on youtube videos about horror movies as background noise sometimes.

ANY TALENTS?

I think I'm a decent singer, also I think I'd make a killer voice actor.

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

Dead middle of a nor'easter (really bad blizzard) in Maine

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

Art :) I read sometimes. I like building legos whenever I get the chance too. Also video games lol. Pretty run-of-the-mill hobbies, I think.

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

Two atm! Sulley (white one) and Callie (calico), both cats :)

HOW TALL ARE YOU?

5'11"

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

History 💪💪💪 Family full of History buffs, excluding my mom lol

DREAM JOB?

I would love to one day work on a show as a storyboard artist or animator, and the hopeful goal is to someday be a showrunner myself. It's a big goal for sure but it's something I really want. Art is my passion and I want to pursue it. Remember your darling mutual rosie-kairi when people start having discourse about my ocs.

Feel free to do this yourself if you want to! Open invitation :D

[bluektw]

Ok it has been a couple days now, so let's talk about Moonvale

(it's quite long btw)

Spoilers Alert

Ok where do we start?

Well, let's talk about the story and things I like first.

I was hooked. Ngl. I'm not sure why exactly but from the first call I got hooked an wanted to understand what was going on.

What was weird though was how "easy" MC opens up with Ash about what happened in Duskwood, like maybe a little bit of reluctance? Of disbelief? Of trust issues after what happened with Richy?????

We don't know these people. So opening up like that is kinda weird, but moving on.

I actually like the video calls, it makes quite involving. Maybe we should have more of that in Duskwood.

So yeah that's it, I want to know the story and what's going on but I have to admit everything else makes me feel like I might give up.

Now for the characters

Eric is kinda... Cute? (His voice was so pretty though). Adam I have no words, the actor was amazing, I felt everything thing he felt and it doesn't look forced.

The others well... We'll talk about AI later, but the others don't really feel like... Friends? They feel a lot like coworkers. Like Adam and Eric feel like friends, but Eric and the others feel like not exactly friends (maybe next episode we get more of them this might change).

Oh and the unknown guy, scared the shit out of me, but like, I'm used to being threatened by masked people (cof Richy cof) so just another Thursday.

And let's talk about the star: JAKE SHOWING UP AT THE END. He's alive, thank God. And saying "X, I will find you" AHH THE FEELINGS (I'm a Jake girlie, sorry) (I want to talk to Alan too btw)

Now let's talk about what I don't like about it

- The minigames: I don't think they got harder, but I do think the dialogue was way too short in between minigames, like I'm pretty sure I played more than read messages. (I don't like the new style and miss the dark vibes, but I can look past that)

- P2W: I'm a hater on this. I get what they were aiming for, that not everyone can pay so they made this so everyone could have a chance but the execution was so bad. I hated this, especially the fact that EVERYTHING was so expensive like 19 gems for a photo of an envelope? 12 gems for changing profile? Hell 25 gems for a conversation?? If it was like till 10 gems I think it would've been a little less annoying. I'm not sure but that made the game feel way more like a game than a chat, it lost a little of the magic Duskwood had.

- The "flirting": Can you play without flirting? Sure, but does the story get more interesting if you flirt with Eric? Yes. That's the problem, it feels forced. In Duskwood many of the flirts were a lot more subtle, and took more time to start, you literally can flirt with Eric within the first messages. The flirting wasn't the center of the story, it was a background thing, and that's why it was cool and exciting, here it feels more like a way to progress the story than a connection.

- AI: I don't like this. I really don't. I mean, they had so much time and chose to use AI? Almost two years and they couldn't get actors? Or at least use like images from Pinterest instead of AI?. Besides that, the fact even our profile is made with AI it really takes away the whole "involving" thing, cause these are not people, I can't see them as people cause even the bloody cat is made of AI, they don't feel real and that makes the game feel way too much like a game, while Duskwood really made you feel like you were chatting with real people (just look at how many people fell in love with the characters), I hope they change this in the future, seeing the backlash it got.

I guess that's it.

I do hope they realize they messed up with the p2w and AI thing mostly, and hopefully they will find a way to change it. I can't say for sure I won't be playing when ep 2 comes out, cause again, the story is good, and the perspective of other characters (Jake and Alan for me) showing up it will keep me hooked, but I can't speak for the majority of people, but it's definitely a step down from Duskwood.

[virtuouswhitehatorganization]

Wave Breaker (Villainous Oc)

Name: Marisela Aguado 

Ethnicity: Afro-Dominican-American 

Abilities: Mech Piloting Skills; Scientific Abilities

Age: Same Age As Max

DOB:  June 6

Sexuality: Straight

Residence: Wavy Shores 

Headcannon Voice Actor: Zoe Saldana (English); Fernanda Robles (Spanish)

Relatives: Marino Aguado (father); Coral Aguado (mother)

Affiliations: PEACE; White Hat Organization (later)

Occupation: Mecha Pilot; Roboticist; Marine Biologist; Superhero 

Personality: A very bright young woman eager to protect her city and be a hero. She shows great love for her parents and interests in robotics and marine biology. She admires the work and effort they put into being the city's protectors and wants to follow in their legacy. She also shows great care for the environment and wants to make sure it is protected. She also is very careful her fights doesn't damage the environment. She also hates fake heroes like Miss Heed who abuses and uses people. She grows to have a grudge against her and is doing everything she can to get back at her. She was furious when she learned that Miss Heed was covered up for her crimes and has caused her to have resentment against PEACE and how they run things. 

Background: Originally from Wavy Shores, she was raised by her roboticist father and marine biologist mother, with the former using mech to protect the city while the latter studied the wild life there. She then became the city's protector when she became an adult and he retired, while also becoming a roboticist and marine biologist. She then joined PEACE to be officialized as a hero. However, she then met Miss Heed who was touring in the city for an environmental event and met with her when she was brainwashed into becoming a simp. She then gave her savings to her and became obsessed with her. When she was brainwashed out of it she returned to her city and had to stay quiet under PEACE in order to get funded back for her losses. She got mad when Miss Heed was covered for her crimes and is out to make her pay for what she did and expose her as the witch she is. 

* She and Mecha Max have personal history with one another due to their parents meeting one another through the years. They kept in touch due to similar scientific interest (with hers being into robotics and marine biology). 

* She's got a major degree in marine biology and roboticists. 

* She likes collecting sea shells. 

* She has visited Atreno, Silicon City, and Crystal Cove in the past. 

* Wavy Shores has a world famous aquarium. Wave Breaker works as a roboticist at the aquarium making aquatic robotics for them. 

* She speaks Spanish and English. 

* Her family has the key to the city. 

* She used to be a big fan of Miss Heed until she brainwashed her. 

* She is a big conservationist and tries to keep the beach environment clean. She has made inventions aimed at helping the beach environment. 

* She also tries to study the monsters that come to her town which is helped with her marine biology degree. 

* Miss Heed came to the city in order to make it seem she was interested in the environmental effort done there. 

* Her mech is called Shore Protector which used to be piloted by her dad. 

* She often tries to go to the beach during the warmer months. 

* She's been to Dominican Republic with her parents on vacation. 

* She's a great swimmer. 

* Loves taking pictures of marine life. 

Created through picrew.me/en/image_maker/13787…

[newgenog]

REVENGE

Notes: As was shared last week, we're only doing sneak peeks for chapter six, while I hustle to finish it by next Friday.

If you're just stumbling across this, and haven't already done so, please stop and start by chapter one.

This #Batwoman AU is based on the ABC tv series #Revenge. Ryan Wilder had just about everything taken from her when we met her, and she was doing her best to get it back. In this version of the story, that means taking some people down along the way. And, she's definitely no hero.

Here's (hopefully) the last out of sequence and context snippet from chapter 6.

CHAPTER SIX SNEAK PEEK

12 AND A HALF YEARS AGO, KANE COUNTY JUVENILE DETENTION CENTER

Ryan watches the sun slowly shift along the ceiling as she allows the hours to tick by from her bed. It’s late May, her birthday is nearing, and she’s managed to just barely survive two seasons in this youth prison. While nearly everything about her life has changed, some things are exactly the same as they ever were. Hardly anyone knows she exists, and for once in her life, that doesn’t bother her at all. She just needs to make it out of here alive, and that was proving challenging enough to do on her own.

Today would be slightly different than how she spent the average day - waiting for meals, stifling her rage, and trying to hold onto every single happy memory she had from her life before. It helped to remember that she’d had fourteen years that were good, and that the time she was being forced to spend here was just a moment when compared to that. Eighteen months could be a blip in the grand scheme of things, especially when she’d already served more than about a third of them.

This is also what Lucius Fox had asked her to hold onto. Not long after being sentenced, he began visiting her. He said he was a friend of a friend, and when he’d heard her story, he knew she could use something from outside of these gates to ground her, and keep her focused on getting out. He knew too many people who’d given themselves over to the all-consuming nature of being locked up, and he felt a calling to make sure that didn’t happen to Ryan, because he knew in his heart she didn’t belong there in the first place.

He would bring her little things to help with holding on, like her Ghost Kid comics, vegan snacks, a sketchpad and a journal to try to process her feelings with. He’d ask her to share what she’d written or drawn, to encourage her to really try and put anything on the pages, and to help her talk, because at first she struggled to know what to say to him. Over time, it helped him get to know her, and they found things to bond over from the stories she’d create or the memories she’d jot down.

He hardly ever missed a week, and against her initial resistance to hoping, she’d come to look forward to seeing him. He never really expounded upon how exactly he knew she didn't belong there, or about the friend that supposedly knew her mom, and why her future was so important to him. But, she’d begun to trust that he really wasn’t going anywhere, so she figured she’d find out the rest when she was meant to.

Her thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a fight just outside of her room. Kids fought all of the time, and she’d stopped paying attention to the commotion. It was just a part of the background noises that existed in this place. This time, though, there was something really familiar about one of the voices. As angry as it was, it reminded her of a time from her past when someone had raised their voice to defend her.

~~~~~

To be continued…

I've got one Friday left… I can do this!

Support the Writer and Actor strikes.

#wgastrike #sagaftrastrike #StopCancellingDiverseShows

[alradeck]

Whole comic so far found here: https://caelumsky.thecomicseries.com/

So I'm going to start assembling a Caelum Sky Narrated Series on my youtube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiSg4laObGuDFeg3orfKvVw This is something I've wanted to do for a while, and folks seem to like them, so it's time to heap more onto the plate, haha. THIS POSITION IS PAID: I'm a firm believer in paying folks for their time. Also bearing in mind this is entirely funded on my own, so be reasonable. Please include your rates/hr in your email to Juncagen@gmail.com! You don't have to be a professional voice actor to apply! But a clear, clean voice recording (ie, decent mic, no dogs barking in the background/ noisy AC) is essential!  Must be able to record/ send files  (through audacity, what have you)   Voice lines are recorded a chapter at a time.  If you've voice acted in the past, be sure to include that on the email! CHARACTER NOTES- When you're trying out for these characters, please use the lines provided. This helps me gauge people 1:1 VOICES NEEDED: Neri - Main Character - Demon/ dinosaur - Female - Early 20's Neri is optimistic, and often sassy. Bright, energetic at times, worn down and cynical at others. Smartass preferred. Can be higher or lower, would prefer ability to growl the dinosaur lines with the same tone as the human lines a little more as inflection. More Sultry than Perky. Less Catty, none ditzy, but plenty vibrant. Sample line: " Ah, wow, cool, I'm just here minding my business, but thanks for stabbing me again" - Raziel- Main Character - Angel/ Exorcist - Male - Mid to Late 20's Raziel is tired. Worn down, unhappy, not droopy-esque though. To the point. Frustrated. Lower-ish voice, but young enough there's still a hint of energy to it. Can be lighthearted, often not. Not gruff, but not emotionally embellished in tone.  Embodies the person who's leaving work in an hour but got a task that'll take 4 hours past that. That's Raziel. 500% done with the world also works. Sample Line: "Listen, it's been a long day, I've got a busy day tomorrow of answering stupid questions, so if we could just... move on?" - Cempe - Major character- Demon/ Big Worm - Female, mid 30's. Cempe enjoys chaos, and mostly enjoys screwing around with other people. Enthusiastic. Sick of everyone's shit upon meeting. Ready to tease the big details in front of you only to pretend she's never offered them. Energetic, almost comically diabolical. Playing the game where only she holds the cards. Looking for someone to be able to growl the words a bit when in big wiggily form. Big "wine mom' energy. Sultry as heck. Sample Line: "Oh i'm so sorry! You can't just waltz in here and expect answers! That's paid for in blood." - Priest (His name is Dave) - Minorish Character - Human/ Exorcist/ Priest - Male - 60's Fatherly, a bit older. More optimistic at times, but tasked with trying to keep charge of chaos. Lighthearted at points, helpful but cautious. Is used to cleaning up messes and making sense of bad decisions. Tired. But less tired than Raziel. Sample Line: "I keep telling you, we can't keep saving every sad-eyed animal we come across. And no pet demons!" - Katherine - Minor Character - Human - Mom -Female - late 30's Weathered. Sassy. Deeper smoker's esque voice (no comical smoking voices) Level-headed, apprehensive. Has had a rough life, but exists in calm currently (somewhat) Distrustful. Hard to convince. Sample Line: "If you can just ask doggy to not, uh, rip open any more walls, I'm sure it'll work out okay" - Amber - Minor/Majorish character - Human - Female - 4 and 8 years old. I can't rightfully expect someone to be able to replicate a literal child. I'm also not gonna dabble with doing hyper baby-ish voices. Looking for a lighter voice, quiet, happy. Optimistic, Bright. Impervious to seeing the bad side of things. Excited to have a giant dinosaur as a friend. Sample Line:  "That's just fine! If you stay here at the house, then we'll never have to deal with the other monsters!"

[uncloseted]

How do you feel about the AI taking over creative jobs discourse? Apologies if you’ve already talked about it, I just wanna add my experience.

Idk why people are getting so freaked out. DGMW, I completely see the worry, but as someone who works in a writing/marketing job everyday, the notion that AI could ever produce the kind of work we do, and well at that, is absolutely not possible. It either makes things sound too casual or very unnatural, it’s hard to make it sound completely authentic. Also, we use AI as a tool IN my job! It HELPS AID us in our work, helps with proofing (admittedly, not always perfectly) but we in the industry use it like a brainstorming tool. It’s actually an amazing tool when utilized correctly, and we know it’s not going to be, like, stealing our jobs from actual talented people. We treat it like an additional pair of helping hands, not stealing hands, or whatever.

I think I've written on this before but I can't find it so it's totally okay that you couldn't find it either 😭

I do definitely get your point. I think AI can be a super useful tool for creative people in the same way that digital animation tools have been useful for the animation industry. But I think this take is putting a lot of trust in industry to make good decisions, and I think that trust is largely misplaced. Corporations don't necessarily care if the work they're producing is bad as long as it's making them money. Sure, an AI is never going to write Before Sunrise. But an AI could probably have written The Super Mario Bros. Movie, because it's a cash grab- people will see it whether or not it's good.

And big corporations know that. They're willing to sacrifice quality in the name of maximizing profit. If that means getting an AI to write a script and having one person go through it to make it seem more human, they're going to do that, because it's less expensive than hiring a whole team of writers to come up with it from scratch. This is one of the big reasons that the Writer's Guild of America is currently striking (and everyone on this blog should support them in that). We've already seen that push to sacrifice quality for profit in action- studios have increasingly been moving towards "Mini Rooms", where only three or four writers are responsible for writing the scripts for a production instead of the usual eight or more. This means that on some productions, the opportunities for writers are essentially being halved, writers are getting paid less for doing more work, new writers are struggling more than usual to break into the industry, and existing writers are having trouble advancing to becoming showrunners.

The SAG-AFTRA actors strike is for similar reasons (and everyone on this blog should also be supporting the SAG-AFTRA strike!) - studios want to be able to scan a background performer’s image, pay them for a half a day’s work, and then use their image for the rest of time without their consent and without paying them royalties. That's a huge blow to the number of roles that will be available for working class actors, in an industry that's already over-saturated. And think about what that could do to the acting industry as AI technology gets better- why would you cast an unknown actor as your lead when you can just resurrect Marilyn Monroe or de-age Harrison Ford? Sure, it will probably look a little janky, but it doesn't matter- it's cheaper, and people will go see it regardless of whether or not the computer generated imagery looks good. Already, janky versions of Anthony Bourdain and Andy Warhol's voices have been re-created instead of hiring an actor to do that work.

And all of this is predicated on the idea that AIs won't get better at their jobs. Sure, they produce copy that sounds unnatural now, but they're not going to stay that way forever. Chat-GPT only launched on November 30, 2022, and already, it's head and shoulders above past AI models that we've had. The more people that use it for their jobs, the more inputs that it gets, and the better it will get at producing "correct" responses. And if people start building AI models with creative industries in mind (which they will), those technologies are going to get better and better, too- at least good enough that they can compete with someone who's kind of mediocre at their job. AI is a tool now, but there's a point at which it could reasonably take over the job on its own, and I don't think that's as far in the future as we might think.

I'm sure there are some studios and agencies that will continue to create human-based work because it is better quality. For example, I doubt A24 is going to convert to AI written scripts or AI background actors any time soon. But even then, it's likely that those studios and agencies will cut down on the number of people they hire and supplement the extra work with an AI. Or, like they did with the advent of the internet, cut down on the number of people that they hire and then increase the speed at which they produce work, creating a more stressful working situation overall.

The bottom line is that I do think AI is a very real threat to creative industries, and it will continue to be unless we decide on how it can and can't be used from now, when it hasn't caused much chaos yet. Corporations don't have the best interests for humans or humanity at heart. Their bottom line is profit, and it always will be. That's why we keep getting remakes of remakes of remakes and reboots upon reboots upon reboots and gritty reimaginings of nostalgic properties. And so if increasing profits means automating out the work of people who actually like their jobs, so be it. That's what they're going to do.

[burningthrucelluloid]

Christmas Carol-cember Day 9

It’s kind of wild to me that for as long as film has been around and cinema has evolved since the days of pointing a camera at a moving train, television has had half that life span but made just as many leaps and bounds.

The 1950s saw the arrival of television in the home market that would become a major competitor to the film industry, become a leading force for influencing public opinion and less than a decade after, television would broadcast in color. I have to wonder what a young person today would think if you told them there was a time period where you had to choose whether to pay for a TV that only aired in black and white or could broadcast color images. My point is, television has evolved but every evolutionary step requires something to prompt that leap forward. In this case: the first hour-long TV special and the first animated Christmas short ever made for television. While the Rankin/Bass Christmas shorts or Charlie Brown Christmas are staples of television, there wasn’t really any demand for cartoons set at Christmas time even when there was clearly an audience for it.

"Mr Magoo’s Christmas Carol" was the answer to that demand, airing on December 18, 1962 on NBC and becoming a pioneer for Christmas television specials as other networks would invest in production companies to create animated specials for their networks. So as a pioneer, does this special hold up as well as the Rankin/Bass specials?

Mr Magoo, Jim Backus, is a near-sighted senile old man heading to Broadway to perform the lead role of Ebenezer Scrooge. Hijinks ensue up until the show starts and goes through the usual plot of the Charles Dickens story, albeit shortened and with music numbers strewn in all while the show’s director is beaten up and injured thanks to Mr Magoo’s bad eyesight or inability to know where he is. This version pulls a fast one by starting with Scrooge being haunted by the Ghost of Christmas Present first before he is haunted by the Ghost of Christmas Past. I don’t quite know if that makes it better or worse but it does introduce Tiny Tim sooner, which does make a connection for Scrooge to see this crippled child and then see his child self all alone in a corner to break his cold exterior and feel sympathy. Also, there’s no Fred in this version so the subplot tied to his family loss is never touched upon. Meh. I’m honestly use to it at this point.

The voice work is a slew of who’s who for TV actors and familiar voices from other Christmas shorts. Paul Frees’ voice is super familiar to anyone who grew up on Rankin/Bass shorts, Royal Dano is best known for providing the voice of Abraham Lincoln for Disney’s Hall of Presidents, and Jack Cassidy should be no stranger to fans of “The Mary Tyler Moore Show.” They really deliver solid vocal performances, which is a polite way of me saying it makes up for the rather jerky animation that takes shortcuts with the way people move; recycling animation loops or just holding on an animation cell longer than it needs to be. This special was produced by the defunct United Productions of America, an animation studio that was created in 1941 after the Walt Disney Company experienced an animator strike that resulted in many staffers leaving to form their own studio. They kept themselves afloat thanks to working on propaganda cartoons all while aiming to expand the realm of animation that they felt Disney wasn’t doing, leading to the creation of Mr Magoo and their other flagship character, Gerald McBoing-Boing. But while Mr Magoo and Gerald McBoing-Boing was keeping the studio out of the red, they strived for experimenting on different styles and background on other shorts like their 1953 adaptation of “The Tell-Tale Heart” as well as working on the animation for 1962’s “Gay Purr-ee." However, as the 1950s rolled on, their priorities shifted from theatrical shorts to television, which resulted in cutting down on animation budgets and having to employ these animation shortcuts to avoid going over budget. As a result, the ambition the studio built itself on fell behind as other big name studios like Warner Bros, MGM and The Walt Disney Company were taking bigger risks in experimenting with animation.

So in a way, “Mr Magoo’s Christmas Carol” was the studio having a splash of inspiration to try and break the rut it found itself in by agreeing to create this special for NBC. You can certainly see that spark of creativity UPA was built upon, from the designs of the ghosts to the musical montage sequences in “The Lord’s Bright Blessing” and “Winter Was Warm.” I also really like the creative interpretation for the Ghost of Christmas Future, opting to make this ghost bright red rather than coated in black. It arrives like a smoke that floats from the ground rather than just appearing from the shadows like other versions. It’s probably the rare time I was actually creeped out by the Ghost of the Future and it makes me want to see more attempts to see interpretations like this.

But shoddy animation can be forgiven if the music is memorable. The music was composed and written by “Funny Girl” composers and lyricists Jule Styne and Bob Merrill, the duo responsible for “Don’t Rain On My Parade,” “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend,” “Everything’s Coming Up Roses,” “How Much Is That Doggie In the Window?,” “If I Knew You Were Coming I'd've Baked a Cake,” and “Mambo Italiano.” But perhaps the most iconic song created by the two was “Let It Snow,” a Christmas staple. But I suspect they gave UPA their B material cause even writing this after having watched the special, I’m struggling to remember the melodies or lyrics. Though I will give credit that the songs themselves don’t take up too much of the run time and the performers put their hearts into singing the songs. I liked the gentle calm of “The Lord’s Light Blessing,” even though I suspect they were too confident in using "razzleberry dressing" for an iffy rhyme scheme. I think the way the songs would reprise themselves in different means was smart, notably “Ringle Ringle” which is a loud proclamation of how great money is but when used again later in the special, it’s performed to demonstrate how it brings people together rather than being hoarded.

Overall, I think this special has aged like a steel works erector playlet from the 1950s. But I have to recognize that, for the time, nobody had done this before. Christmas cartoons were not something TV networks did, even when cartoons were aired, they were mostly theatrical shorts just put on TV but condensed for the smaller screens. While the choppy animation is off-putting, the voice work and the music elevates those short-comings and set a standard for the nature of Christmas specials that we come to expect. A pioneer is, after all, someone going into foreign lands and setting a trail that others would come to blaze after your time. “Mr Magoo’s Christmas Carol” shows its age, but there’s something humble about that. I don’t plan on seeing this special again, but if you were lucky enough to see it when it aired on TV back in the 60s and you're feeling nostalgic, give it a chance and see how far we’ve come.

One final caveat: what happened to United Productions of America? The special was a big hit for NBC that they would re-air it every December up until 1969 when UPA’s contract with them expired and Columbia acquired the rights to the special. UPA, sadly, would never make another special that saw the same success due to their cost-saving measures. Eventually, the limited animation and recycled backgrounds would soon become the standard for animated television shows when Hanna-Barbera Productions adopted the same cost-cutting measures and pitched their shows solely for children rather than all ages like UPA intended. UPA floated through the 1960s solely through producer Henry Saperstein keeping them functioning, as well as royalties from their Mr Magoo and Gerald McBoing-Boing shorts and specials until the animation department was ultimately shut down by 1970 and the company became a distributor for Toho’s Kaiju movies for America. So if you saw those Godzilla movies that made its way to Mystery Science Theater 3000, UPA is to thank for that.

When Saperstein died in 1998, there was no one left willing to go to bat for this shell of a studio and it ultimately shut down in 2000, with assets going to Dreamworks Animation. Meaning that Mr Magoo is owned by Dreamworks, along with the rest of their library of cartoons, though Shout Factory seems to be the only distributors of their works.

“Mr Magoo’s Christmas Carol” is available for rent on YouTube, AppleTV and Amazon Prime. But if you don’t feel like spending money, you can also find it on Dailymotion.com.

Next time, we’re gonna go back a few years and take a look at a Christmas Carol from an anthology series that, for the longest time, was thought to have been gone forever. Heck, this one even got a remake by Rankin/Bass.

[guenole-rainbird]

Thoughts on the shoot

The minimal pre-prod

I don't think the shoot was planned out. There seemed to be a lot of tension on set, and communication seemed pretty poor. Except for Marcin and April, no one knew of the shot list or even part of the shot list days before the shoot. I’ve still yet to see any complete shot list or storyboards. Rebecca’s opinion seemed to be discarded at every turn in the creative process.

The shoot was quite rushed, Ethan did not get the shotlist early enough to be able to do a proper production schedule.

Because of the dates being settled last minute, I didn’t have enough time to request time off from work and therefore missed the first day of shooting as well as the end of the second day.

I stepped in to help Ethan complete the props that were needed for the film as I don’t think we would have gotten what was needed. Also because of how shallow the characters are, no one really knew what the box of trinkets from the past should have in it beyond a photo, and it didn’t seem to matter. Although maybe a minor thing, if the writer can’t tell me what the character has kept secret in a little box for 10 years, he probably doesn’t know his character very well. It’s just a wasted opportunity to do some background storytelling and to give meaning to what the actor is interacting within the scene.

Day 1: I wasn't there

I was at work, Emma Leaks took over for sound, she did a very good job.

Day 2: I was partly there

I had to leave early again due to my work schedule.

I didn’t really like the cinematography. I thought the frame was much too wide for the tight space we were shooting in, resulting in huge sections of the frame (sometimes more than 50%) having no purpose. Moreover, some shots resulted in the actor's head being cut off frame. The Film seemed underlit, the brightest spot in the frame (i.e. what people usually pay attention to the most) was often a random wall to the side of the frame. We also had zero coverage.

I did voice some of my concerns and other members of the crew echoed them, but they were ignored. My role was sound so I didn’t insist too much either.

Day 3: Probably the worst day

The DOP forwent the production schedule, and we wasted a lot of time deciding where and how to place the camera for the corridor shot.

The atmosphere on set was very poor on this day, nothing seemed very planned out and they were obvious disagreements between cast members about decisions that should have been figured out before the shoot.

Me and Ethan, seeing how we had no coverage decided to add some close-up pickups shoots to help the editor. We added the shot of the box on the bed, the shot of the pictures getting displayed on the bed and the tying of the shoe laces — all shots that although not incredible found themselves useful for the edit.

Day 4: The best day

This day was more chill, Marcin had left and April was too sick to work. What we call the 2nd Unit (Rebecca, Ethan, Flow and Me) shot what was left of the flashback projection and also did some last-minute ECU pick-ups to alleviate the poor coverage from the days before.

Overall everything was last minute, the script was getting worked on a few days before the shoot, the shotlist was supposedly getting decided on the day before and me and Ethan were scrambling to get the props after the shoot had already started. I don't think we did a very good job and compositionwise and coverage-wise, this film has in my opinion the worst cinematography of any project I've been on.

[ultramaga]

"I think this boils down to a generational dispute." Ok, then the younger generation should be talking about the great acting moments of Zendaya's very long career. Or uploading scenes of her being "hot". Do you see that? I don't.

"I don't know how you can argue that 28 is anything but young" It's a mature age, heading to thirty. As Emma Watson said, you then have to worry about your fertility declining. If sex is what you are selling, then you better have something other than just looks to carry it off. I don't think she even has looks.

She always seems to have the same sulky expression.

She doesn't move in a way that is sexy, she doesn't have anything distinctive about her voice ..

Honestly, there's girls at my local cafe who look more "hot".

"She also started calling the shots at an early age. Working on Disney’s Shake It Up (2010-13), she refused to perform a scripted kiss because, as she said later, she didn’t want her first kiss to be on television. On her next series, K.C. Undercover (2015-18), she insisted on a title change, a producer’s credit and the inclusion of a family of colour. At 16, she knew her worth." She's been in major productions, getting her way as an activist, since childhood. How can you say she hasn't had an opportunity to shine yet? How many spotlights can she be put under before she manages more than a pout?

I saw a starlet filming herself in a queue once, and Morena Baccarin was in the background, clearly unhappy with being filmed. Then a switch was flipped, and she turned on the Movie Star. She dominated the area. Same thing with Marilyn Monroe, who famously could walk around in public, then switch on the persona and be recognised, as if it was just a party trick. Being hot has to be more than looks for it to last past the twenties, it has to be how you pose, how you move, what you say, how you perform.

Compare:

Just doing her own thing.

Seducing the camera.

People still pay to see Morena do her sexy thing, and she's mid forties.

Mae West made a whole career out of being "hot".

She couldn't have done it if the only card she had to play was appearance.

"I don't actually understand your point about Tessa Thompson." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tessa_Thompson

She was in everything for a while, she had major major roles, and disappeared. She aged out. She didn't have the acting chops to continue once her looks faded. Or maybe it's just that she lost the ability to trade sex for roles.

I think Zendaya's timer is about to go off. She'll be kicked upstairs, become another Kathleen Kennedy, or move onto something else. She can't act, she has no charisma, she has nothing distinctive, and she's not good enough at any one thing to justify being lousy in everything else.

Bronson's stoicism was famous. Being only good at one thing worked for him, because it was something that people wanted to see. Zendaya's one thing she does is pout. That's it.

Here's my bet. In a few years, I might, if we are both on tumblr, mention this argument, and you'll struggle to remember it, and think it was just silly, and feel you must have been right to find Zendaya hot but you can't quite remember why you did. Someone else will have replaced her, and it will be as if she never was.

She's product on the conveyor.

Whereas someone like Sydney Sweeney is a lot more likely to have a career because she not only has a better body, but personality, or at least projects the Star persona better.

Jenna Ortega also oozes charisma.

Compare Jenna with something she is interested in, to Zendaya talking about her favourite hobby.

Skip to 1:30 - Henry just obliterates the area with his charisma. Tom's also pretty good, lots of work with tones and makes jokes, bouncing off the people around him; I can see him doing a chat show if he wanted.

But Zendaya? She's dull and almost monotone. They're like um you attach the thing and they're like a thing ....

She's supposed to be passionate about this.

But she's just .... there.

I must've missed something bc can anyone tell me why everybody's talking about The Odyssey lately

[kimnjss]

something’s missing | pjm/ksj

⤑  series: beside you

⤑ pairing: solo artist!jimin x idol!reader

⤑ genre: angst...

⤑ rating: explicit

⤑ word count: 3.3K

⤑ warnings: none!

⤑ chapter song: r u ok // tate mcrae - when i'm with him // empress of.

⤑ A/N: we're finally moving toward something y'all., this is make it or break it territory. soo make sure you're interacting bc y'all are choosing the ending - let me know what you think! x

JUNE 26TH, 2021 | 17:39

The blinding lights are the first thing that you're hit with the moment you're stepping out of the car. Overlapping voices shouting questions in your direction as Jin leads you down the carpet with a comforting hand on the small of your back. Just like always, he's composed in front of the press, a smile stretched onto his features as he acknowledges them with a polite nod and timed waves. He even pulls off to the side to greet a few fans that have gathered to meet him.

You're always so amazed seeing how calm he is in front of all the chaos, it doesn't even phase him. He doesn't stop to talk until you both are fully inside of the venue, that's where the more important reporters wait. “We'll just chat a bit and then we can find our seats. Remember what I said about questions you don't want to answer,” He prompts you just before you're being called for your first interview.

It feels almost as if you're sleepwalking, flashing fake smiles and exaggerating laughs for the camera. You're taking no real part in the conversations happening around you, just nodding along like the good perfect girlfriend you're supposed to be. Jin's laugh carries throughout the hall, catching the attention of the photographers nearby. It makes for a great photo-op, laughing with your bodies hunched over, though, you have no idea what's funny.

The lines that he had prompted you with before exiting the limo leave your lips swiftly, naturally, you've practiced it that way enough times so you can speak without thinking.

“Well, we all know who you're rooting for, Yn.” The reporter says with a laugh, reaching a hand to nudge your arm as if you're friends. “I love this dress, by the way! Is it...” Her over cheery voice fades into the background, halfhearted compliments falling on deaf ears. You wonder if your response sounds as robotic as you feel.

It feels like forever before Jin's deciding that it's enough chitchat and he's leading you into the room where the actual award show will be held. Much larger than where you were before, velvety carpet covering the floor. Fancy chandeliers hang from the ceiling over neat clothed tables. Dinner is being announced just as Jin ushers you to your table at the front.

You're sat with a bunch of people that you've never met before, but it's safe to assume that they're all actors with their dates. None of them pay any attention to you as you remove your place cards and settle into your seats, wrapped up in their own conversations. Jin's visibly relaxing at the lack of attention, shoulders dropping as he sinks into his seat.

“I like how you snuck in that hint of a season two, they'll definitely come back to this moment when it's announced.” The words are whispered to you, his hand reaching down to rest on your knee. It doesn't warm your skin like it used to, in fact, it has your eyes searching for a possible hidden camera to catch the moment.

All you do is nod, a tight-lipped smile and a pull of your knee that has his hand slipping right off. His brow twitches, query on the tip of his lips – but he swallows it down when the server reaches your table with the dishes for the night.

Jin's in the middle of ordering for the two of you when the cheers break through the crowd. Loud enough to steal the attention of the room, curious eyes searching the doorway to see who had just arrived. Your eyes squint as you try to peer through the crowded room, wondering which A-lister has everyone losing their minds.

They walk right past the cameras and reporters, you can tell with the hurried movements trying to keep up, only to be stopped by security at the main entrance. All of a sudden it makes sense, the obnoxious cheers and the refusal to stop for an interview. It's the only way Jimin knows how to travel.

He looks handsome. That's your first thought. Not what he's doing here and why your face is heating up despite him still being across the room. You can't help but take him in, hair much lighter than the last time that you saw him – a sandy brown instead of the black he's gotten so comfortable with.

Dark eyes search the room as Yoongi takes his time catching up to him. He looks good too, but you can't seem to focus on anyone else for more than a few seconds now that Jimin was here. What was he doing here? Dressed in a royal ruby fitted suit, hair swept back to reveal his strong brows. Yoongi says something to him, pointing in the crowd and you straighten up as if they're talking about you.

They're not. Where they're sitting is the focus, not you. On the other side of the room and Yoongi leads the way. Jimin's got his hands in his pockets, walking as if he'd rather be anywhere else, hardly looking at the people whose attention he's stolen. That is until he's passing the table you're sat at. Stopping dead in his tracks, his head whips to the side to find you.

The bored expression morphs into the teasing smirk that you're so used to, hand lifting in a flirty wave and you have to physically stop yourself from lifting your hand to wave back. Instead, you're turning your attention to Jin – tuning in to the conversation that he's having with the girl seated beside him. Pushing the flutter in your chest to the deepest pits of your stomach.

JUNE 26TH, 2021 | 19:02

You don't see him again until dinner is over and the mingling has started. You've been a good girlfriend, accepting the dotting from your even better boyfriend. Laughing at his jokes, kissing in front of the camera, holding hands as you slip through the crowd. It gets exhausting really fast and you're lost on how he can keep up with the façade with no cracks.

You've caught yourself shooting him annoyed glances way too many times. So much that you're excusing yourself for a drink in the middle of him talking you up for your new interest in modeling. A bald-faced lie, by the way, you hated every second you were sat in front of the camera – yet, you're sure he has no idea.

The sole reason you had walked off was to get something to drink. You hadn't gone searching for Jimin, not in the slightest bit, so the fact that you were running right into him was merely just a coincidence. He's smiling at you as if there's no difference, a hand on your hip to keep you from crashing onto the floor – he's quickly moving it, though semi-aware of the wandering eyes around you.

“Hey.” It's breathless, the way the word leaves his lips. Eyes taking you in as if it's the first time. And it sort of feels like it is. You look so pretty in front of him. Dress fitted to highlight the lines and dips of your body, dark waves cascading down your back and he swears you're glowing. Despite the permanent frown on your lips.

You simply nod in response, sparing him a two-second glance before you're slipping past him toward the bar. Everything inside of him wants to follow you, say what he had spent the past few days practicing, no courage to call you and just spit it out. He was a little ashamed it took him this long to release how he's been acting and how he was hurting you, but now he wanted nothing more than to make it right.

And the fact that you were both here right now seemed like as good a time as any. He doesn't follow you, though. You had been sitting with your make-believe boyfriend when he first spotted you, so it's safe to assume that you're working. And the last thing he wanted was to be the reason that you were getting into more trouble... again.

So he lets you slip away, continuing on with the words heavy on his tongue.

JUNE 26TH, 2021 | 20:59

Jin can tell you're getting annoyed. Replies short and smiles no longer reaching your eyes. He caught on to the way your eyes would roll each time he'd lean over to give you a pointer, the annoyed sigh that would fall from your lips when he was pointing out a camera. And the more and more he did it, the less it felt like he was spending real time with you.

He had thought you'd be able to do both, find balance within your real relationship and the one that you showed to the media. It didn't have to be all that different, but it was obvious to him that you needed some practice on her media presence so he figured he could help. Not at all did he think that it would end up annoying you.

It never dawned on him that you might take his attention to detail the wrong way. Or that it would rub you the wrong way. And seeing as much it had, he was filled with this urgent need to clear the air, set some things straight because there was obviously a misunderstanding that he did not mean. Not now, though, there were too many nosy ears around... he'd just have to wait.

In hopes of maybe softening the mood, he tries to do things he knows you like. Playing with your fingers while the names are being called off, whispering jokes to you that he knows would make you smile. There's not much of a change, just half-smiles at every last one of his advances.

He's straightening when his category is being called, pushing the issue with you to the back of his mind. He wins. There's not much suspense, not much competition in the category to begin with. Still, you're whooping loudly, jumping up from your seat, and cheering. He pulls a shocked expression following you to stand.

The two of you share a picture-perfect hug and an even more romantic kiss on the cheek. Practiced back and forth about you going up on stage with him until he's finally convincing you to follow. He has his arm around your waist the entire time he gives his speech, thanking you exclusively at the end with another gentle kiss.

You smile sheepishly and it's real. The fact that he has you up there and is thanking you just feels genuine. It feels real. It's hard to decipher your feelings when it comes to Jin. Everything always feels so real, but then he opens his mouth and it all turns into some big ploy to get more attention. You don't know where the line starts or ends.

And you don't even know where to start to figure it out.

“I'm just gonna run to the bathroom,” You're saying as the two of you make your way back to your seat. Jin nods, continuing on while you make a beeline for the backstage area. It's a lot less calm back here than out there, crew and staff rushing around to make sure the show goes on smoothly, influencers going over their lines for when they present. The bathrooms are on the other side of the chaos.

And Jimin is sat right in front of it. You don't even hide your groan at the sight of him. “What are you doing here?” He takes his time looking up from his phone, only realizing it's you at the last second. “I'm getting ready to perform...” He stands as he speaks, shoving his phone into his pocket.

He's got this look on his face that you've seen before. And it's so foreign on his features that you don't even know how to place it. He doesn't give you much of a chance to figure it out before he's speaking again. “I've been wanting to talk to you alone all night...” His words are hushed, even though anyone who can hear you is way out of earshot.

“Jimin. I'm here with Jin, we can't-” He's stopping you before you can finish your assumption as to why he wanted to be alone with you with a quick shake of his head. “No, it's nothing like that. This is a horrible place to do this, but I feel like I should say this sooner rather than later,”

You've never seen him look this serious before. “Alright. Tell me what it is?”

He's letting out a huff of air as if he's preparing himself for the words that are about to come from his mouth. You feel the anxiety bubbling in your chest, All the possibilities of what he could have to say clouding your brain at once.

“I need to...I need to apologize to you. For everything.” That was the last thing that you could've imagined him saying. “It's a pretty long list, honestly.” The laugh he lets out is an awkward one and he's not looking you in the eye. “And the fact that it's taken me this long to realize that you deserve one is the worst of it. But, I'm sorry, Yn. I've hurt you and ignored your feelings. Lied and all that. Honestly, I don't even know how you still have feelings for me,”

He looks at you like he's checking for any sign that his last statement was wrong and he gains a bit more confidence realizing that there's not. “I'm crazy about you, Yn, though. I mean it. And it sucks that I've never told you, but I am. I like you a lot and I want to make this right. I want a proper chance with you so I can fix all the shit I put you through. I'm sorry it took me so long,” It feels like there are cotton balls stuck in your throat.

Your head is spinning and you can't seem to find the words. What you've been wanting to hear from him for God knows how long, was finally being uttered. And for some reason, it felt... too late? “Jimin...” You start but have no idea where you're going with it.

He's rushing to speak, the fear of your rejection in the back of his mind. “You don't have to say anything right now. I'm not expecting an answer. I just... I needed to tell you that. I needed you to know,”

You're not sure you could even come up with an answer if he wanted one now. “I can't think about that right now,” You wonder if you sound just as sad as you feel, but it's true. Your focus shouldn't be on the what-ifs of Jimin and whether or not he's actually willing to get his shit together. You had a boyfriend. And although things were a bit rocky right now you were still with him – Jimin should be the last thing on your mind.

And it shouldn't hurt your heart how sad he looks when he nods, teeth chewing on his lower lip as he runs his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, I get it. Just... call me? If you change your mind,” His lips push into a tight-lipped smile and it's so awkward the way he turns away from you, eyes watching his feet as he walks.

He doesn't push or try to fight it, laugh off your statement with some cocky remark. He just goes, not even sparing a backward look in your direction. And for some reason that makes you feel even worse.

JUNE 26TH, 2021 | 22:17

The rest of the night is quiet. It's harder to keep up with the act so you don't say anything. Jin's got a comforting hand on your knee through the rest of the night and he doesn't lean over to cue you not once. And you appreciate that, though you have no idea what caused his shift.

He leads you back to the limo swiftly, a hand on your back and not a second spared to chat about the events of the night. Much quieter than usual, not a single joke leaving his lips and you have a feeling that's your fault too. So you're quickly adding that to the list of things to stress over.

“Are you alright?” Jin's asking a few minutes after you've been on the road, the madness of the night far behind you. It only now dawns on you that this is the first time in a long time that you've been asked that question. Aside from the quick text from Yoongi, no one's ever bothered to ask how you were doing.

And the fact that Jin was doing it now sort of made you want to cry. You're swallowing it down, though, nodding even though you're sure it doesn't look all that convincing. He's sighing, reaching over to take hold of your hand. And the fact that there are no cameras to capture the moment makes it easier for you to take comfort in it.

His thumb runs over your knuckles soothingly, turning his head to look down at you. “You know you can talk to me, right? No matter what it is, I'll listen. You can trust me,” He sounds so genuine, it's hard not to believe him. “It's been all work lately and I'm sorry for that. Just with the show ending and awards coming up, I got in my head a little bit... And I think I might've dragged you into that,” He's smiling softly, giving you a chance to chime in.

“I don't just... just lately, it's felt like work? being with you. Like the only reason, we're together is for the media,” It's the first time you had the chance to speak up about something bothering you and it feels nice. You feel lighter almost. “Like you don't really like me, like that...”

Jin's letting out another sigh, head dropping as he shakes it from side to side. “God, I'm such an idiot,” He says through a laugh, lifting your hand to press a soft kiss to it. “I do really like you, Yn. And I like being with you. I'm sorry if I confused you,” There's not an ounce of doubt in his voice as he speaks, eyes serious when he looks at you.

He has to be telling the truth, right? No one can look like that and be lying right? You want to believe him so you do, filing the past few days as just a huge misunderstanding because something's got to be true and it just makes sense for it to be him. So you're smiling, the stress that you had been feeling before slowly melting away.

“I'm sorry I didn't say something sooner. Would've saved for a lot of headaches,” He's chuckling at that, sinking further into the leather seat as he pulls you closer to him. “I'm sorry for not noticing there was something wrong,” One arm wrapped around your shoulder, he's cocking his head to the side so he's able to press a kiss to your cheek, trailing toward your lips.

It's a gentle kiss, nothing more than a peck but it still has butterflies swarming in your chest. Not as intense as some of the ones that you've felt before, but they still have an involuntary smile spreading onto your features. “All that cheering has me drained, can we go back to your place?” Head tilted up to look at him, he's grinning.

“Anything you want,” He's leaning up to redirect the driver before he's pulling you right back into his side. The sad look on Jimin's face seems to drift to the back of your mind the further you sink into Jin's embrace. It's warm cuddled up beside him in the back of the limo, safe almost.

And it's weird how feeling safe, still feels like something's missing.

— he’s bad for you. from the commitment issues to the endless scandals. sworn to never settle down… well, that’s until he sees how happy you can be without him. now he’s willing to do anything to keep from losing you to your so-called ‘perfect boyfriend’.

↭ masterlist ↭

⇝ taglist: @agustdef @silentlyimpractical @hopeworldjimin @gldnrecs @jaiuneamesolitaiire @preciouschimine @joonies-babyy @dee-ehn @aqtkookie @taesinferno @seokjinslittledumpling @thecityrain @jeonsshadow @papichulo-knj @amour-quinn @bangtansbun @kooafraid @metaethically @miss-jupiter @tanumiki @yoongiofmine @princecalpal @jikooksgirl19 @mikrokosmicjoon @hqtetsurou @needingyou2 @alterlovess @ladyarmanto @trinityxsope @myworldisgone11 @yutaeminnie @yoooonie @peachy-tatas @paolandotcom @strwberry-jam @certifiedcrazycatlady @hansolsrightnut @btsbangtanbois @morseszn @codeinebelle @rjsmochii @joontopia​ @knjkitten @tae165 @chocobetterknot @ggukkieland @v3nti @kelitt​ @taejinminsu​ @jinhitwhore​

⇝ taglist: @weasleyswizarding-wheezes @pjmcth @morndas @letmebreathepls @stcrwhiz @bangtan-noona @hobiheavenly @betysotelo18 @lilacdreams-00 @prdshobi @yeontanie21 @ayyyocee @beeeb05 @todorokiskitten @arya-di-angelo @illwritetomorrow @filmtae @daesstuff @sungieshines @wildly-lost-lantern @ephyra1230 @hellotherehoneybee @mochibabycakes @lowlifeoeuvre @kookoo-kachoo @marifujioka​ @bombardia @veronawrites @ambersaesthetics @hisunshiine @sw33tnight​ @agustdakasuga​ @strawberryforever25​ @my-current-mood-is​ @tatajoonie​ @getmemyfries​ @bluewhale52​ @bangtansonyeondayyyum​ @munkey888​ @simplymemyself​ @butterflylion​ @hopiebabie​ @taefect94​ @dionysusrage​ @heyitsbreeeeee​ @hobiismyhopeu​ @xinyourdreamsx​ @giveortake​ @moonlitmyg​ @redluvletmain​

⇝ taglist: @niieceyy @xiaokoo @rageyoudamnednerd @bbyjoonies @marvelous-capsicle @daydreambrliever @hoefortaeshands @agustneeds @acc3ssdenied @ruinsofangels @bloomtilweache @jiminshibaby @dxlbts @missmadwoman @somewhereofftheglobe @parkjammys @salty-for-suga @scriptedhabits @tatasvoid @cozyboy-nee @kkklaudiaaa17 @booya--18​ @jooniesbanoonies @lizzzaaaaaaaaaaa @narrylilomylove @iovemaze​ @tricethecharm​ @trynavibewhileicry​ @zxlummxxd​ @take-u-2-an0ther-w0r1d​ @kuggnuj​ @embrace-themagic​ @namjoonsillegaldimple​ @uhgoodthings​ @pastelbleuet​ @ephyraaaa​ @joonni​ @elephantdoors​ @gemad08​ @tom-hollands-wife​ @neverthefirstchoice​ @soulstaes​ @diminieshoe​ @ssweetsunflower​ @bigimpression​ @imadeyouamixtape88​ @vantxx95​ @bigbootyjoonie​

⇝ taglist: @serendipitysev @grakei @itsrapmonstanotdancemonsta @janieooo @kianam @h0babie @knjhe @neversickofyoongi @miriamxsworld @bangtan-niff @bloopkook @jeon-joker @dreamcatcherjiah @taeminkook @awhnamjoon @mono-moonchilds @ireallylikeyourwriting @daydreamingvibes11 @taeyongsplug @nana-kjdream @lunars @fairysunooo @moonchild-w-wings @limiworld @liquidnovocaine @kookiesspacebuns​ @jinbestboy @fangurl-ontgeside @kxdrawhl @rosedale99 @jungkookbabyyyy​ @pjmbbygirl​ @yoongiwithglasses​ @taegix94​ @yoobikook​ @sunashawty​ @maknaechu​ @taestycake​ @imcompletelyok​ @cityh0wl​ @goldenkookietaebae​ @hobizi​ @megagrl​ @itadcris​ @allizarae​ @yukimaniac​ @stepheboo​ @kthblackgf​ @akshstudios​ 

⇝ taglist: @mochikeyds @b0yzwluv @meu2 @missmollya @kim-jias-den @onlythehobi @joonjulyagust-d @chateauluv @renhold-nightspear  @existentialismuse @xianav @lochness-butmakeitsexy @caspiansweaters @miraclebangtan @minyoongisbigassfeet @ellxpsismm @elyte​

⇝ taglist: @fluent-silence @vantaesy @namjeonii @seajae @bobrouxsky @ownthesunshine @shriyxdita @ksjiminie @mawwnsterr @todoroki-slut @namjoonslicense @notvantaes @jimilter @angeljmiii @1995soulm8ts @sugapiie @luxefleurette @ams02 @lovelytaes-blog @werewolfbanshee-love @v9nte @kissme-ornot @heavenspidey @josmefulanito @mysugarkoo @sadnred @jin-from-the-block @realityblocked @zaedynnn​

A/N: timestamps make sense throughout the fic. if u want to be added to the tag list, send me an ask! + if you’ve asked to be on my permanent taglist, you do not need to ask to be added to this one !!

[achillieus]

let you down. (sebastian stan x reader)

summary: it's a universal truth but it's worth repeating; feelings eat us raw. or just an actor and a girl falling in and out of love over the course of three months.

(this was inspired by sebastian's visit to greece for his movie, monday, and is based on that, so that means in the story we’re in 2018. also i have this posted on ao3 too but while i’m writing the last parts i thought of posting it here too)

pairing: sebastian stan x reader

warnings: alcohol, sexual references, implied depression, sebastian desperately needs to hug the reader, infidelity, it's kinda slowburn because i love the yearning, this part is full of angst and built up tension,

part: 3/6

(other parts)   (masterlist)

Being Sebastian Stan is not a simple thing. Some days it makes him feel like he is only a porcelain face on screen. Nothing more than photographs and rumors. He had once told an interviewer he was scared people would never know the real Sebastian. What he meant was that he was worried he’d wake up one day and the real him would be vanished.

The world would have eaten him alive.

Walking you home, in empty streets in a small country makes it all easier. His mind is clear of dazzling thoughts and his heart is not racing up. He can smile and no one will be there to take a picture of him.

Somehow that makes him smile more.

And when he does, it feels like Christmas. And you are certain there will come a day where you’ll be so close to oblivion and unable to remember what mint tastes like or what your favorite color is, but you’ll still have the turned up corners of his mouth painted in your head.

He stops walking. You look at him confused. He’s fidgeting with his fingers.

“Back at the party,” he takes a long breath as if trying to slow down his heartbeat, “You were talking with that tall guy.”

He sounds terrified. You don’t understand why. He thinks it’s better that way.

“Yeah I was.” There’s a flicker of surprise in your voice.

“Do you know him well?” You realize you have stopped in front of a pharmacy, the halogen light above you, turning your skin a sick green color.

“I know he’s an actor.” You take a step, finding the courage to walk away from him. “He’s kinda famous here.”

You can hear him move close behind you.

“Do you want me to ask Argyris if he’s single?”

There’s mockery in his voice. It makes you feel intoxicated. It’s your turn to stop walking. Your gaze falls on his face and Sebastian can feel his eyes sting but he keeps them open; wide and pale blue.

Almost green, under this light.

“No.”

“Oh don’t be sh-“

“No, I mean it. I would never date a famous guy.”

“Why?” A hasted breath escapes his trembling lips. And for a moment you think of kissing him right there; in the middle of the street, but you never do.

His world moves too fast for people like us.

That’s what you want to yell back at him, but then you remember;

The evening Sebastian fell asleep in your couch, he was more than a famous guy. He was clutching on your pillow like a kid and he was humming to himself like your father used to.

And he smiled as he fell asleep.

There is no argument left in you. He’s just a boy.

“I’m scared.” Your words slowly suffocate him. He feels the weight of your heart pulling him down.

He nods.

/

The next two days pass in a blur. You can hear him laugh with people as they walk up the stairs to Argyris’ flat. You’re not used to him not stopping at your door. It makes your cheeks red and your eyes filled with salty tears.

You haven’t realized until now, but you’ve become dependent on his presence.

So when you open your eyes at 4am with your phone buzzing with an Instagram message, you bite your cheeks.

Are you awake?

You stare at the screen to make sure you read it all correct, until it turns black and then lights up once again.

Why are you scared?

You don’t have to be scared with me.

I’m trying. You want to answer. Help me. You want to answer. Please.

You put your phone away until the words turn blurry.

/

He’s back at your door the following night. He’s wearing a white tank top and his rings. He must have just finished shooting.

You keep staring at each other, both tongue-tied with the words you’ll never say. He looks worried and desperate. You look tired and desperate. Taylor Swift is playing in the background.

“No more AC/DC?” He laughs and your eyes smile.

“Do you want to talk?” He asks.

You shake your head like you’re at war with yourself.

“Do you want to just stay here?” Your voice is too silent but it’s almost deafening him.

Sebastian thinks that he wants tons of things. He wants to hold you. And he wants to touch you. Everywhere. And he wants to know why there’s sorrow surrounding you. And he wants to take it all away.

And he wants you.

But he knows that he can’t tell you that. These words are too heavy for you to carry on your shoulders. At least for now.

“I’ll stay.” He says with a breath.

You give him an almost smile and all you can feel is gratitude.

/

You lay in your bed together. You’ve slept with other guys in that bed before. And it’s been nude and sloppy and brutal. But this is different. This is intimacy in its purest form. You’re both fully clothed but you both feel naked. And so close. So close.

All Sebastian can hear is the sound of your breathing and every bone inside him is breaking. He is afraid he’s turning paralyzed.

And then you move your body and bring your forehead next to his. Sebastian inhales deeply. You smell of faded vanilla body cream.

You look at him and you know then you can get used to that. You bury your fingers in the hem of his shirt. You want him to come closer. He knows.

“I’ll stay love,” his voice is steady and sincere “Anytime.”

He calls you love because there’s nothing else to call you. He calls you love because you both need him too.

“I don’t think that’s possible.” Sebastian thinks you’re always too sensible. It’s something you keep between the hollows of your body. “But it’s okay.”

His hand is in your hair. It soothes you.

“What happened? What broke you?” he whispers.

You don’t know what to say. You don’t know how everything started. It's hard to remember but there is one image in the back of your eyes that crawls through your skin and makes you shiver. You try to ignore it.

“I don’t know.” He turns his gaze at you but you look at the cold ceiling. It’s so much easier this way.

He doesn’t answer. He just draws circles in the back of your palm and places his lips against the scalp of your head. And while you’ve never been much of a science person, you’re certain this is how a nuclear attack emerges.

/

When the sun rises and you wake up, he’s not there. Earth moves slowly as the cold sheets press against your skin.

It’s early, there is a soft breeze coming in from your open window. A man is bickering with this wife across the street.

You can hear her call him a liar.

I’ll stay love.

You can hear him yell his apologies.

Anytime.

Why do people lie? Why do we lie?

You don’t try to search for him. You take a shower and drink some chocolate milk. You pay attention to the silence in the room. You almost forget your heart is still beating.

/

You bump into Argyris’ girlfriend while taking out the garbage. You like her a lot. She’s strong and pretty and smart. You wonder sometimes, how exactly that feels.

You pray she doesn’t mention him. It doesn’t work.

“He must be flying right now.” Suddenly you feel as if there is something rotten inside your chest. It makes you want to graze your skin and throw away everything that's inside.

You look at her slightly confused.

“He’s flying to Toronto; he has to attend a festival there.” She smiles. You’ve noticed she always smiles.

You just nod and step out of the building. Her voice stops you.

“He’s coming back in some days.”

“I don’t care.” Now she laughs.

“There’s no need to lie.” You take a sharp breath. “He cares too.”

You want to believe her words but they seem like choke chains.

You throw your garbage away.

You keep your rotten chest.

/

Sebastian sits back at his seat and orders a hundred and one drinks. The airplane is chasing the sun. He’s chasing his thoughts. Neither will ever catch up.

He used to like travelling. Airports, suitcases and foreign hotel rooms made him feel free. Now they make him feel the opposite.

The material on his seat is rugged. He wants to go back to your soft sheets. He can’t.

And then he imagines a place and a time where he could just kiss you without any possible consequences. He imagines a place where you could rest your bodies together for a long time without worries weighing you down. He imagines a place where he gets what he wants. A place where that thing between you two is more than enough.

The sun blinds him. He closes the small window and then his eyes.

Being Sebastian Stan is not a simple thing.

Some days he can’t take it.

/

You’re sitting on the floor and it’s almost 9 in the morning. You’ve calculated the time difference and it’s 2 in the morning where he is. That sounds wrong. Almost scary.

He left three days ago but he’s everywhere. There are photos of him wearing stupid floral shirts and posing in a sophisticated way. And there’s Nicole Kidman next to him.

God. I’ve become infatuated with a man who plays in movies with Nicole Kidman and Robert Downey Jr.

That’s what you think and you know you’re doomed.

You expect him to send you a message or a picture at first, but he doesn’t. You wonder if your time together was only a blurry puzzle of disconnected memories that somehow fits in his past.

He’ll simply forget all of it.

You try not to think about him but then you meet Argyris in the lobby and you have to bite the inside of your mouth so his name doesn’t jump out from your lips.

You go to bed early that day. You hold onto your pillow and you count the hours that separate you.

(13 hours with a plane)

(25 days with a boat)

You count and you fall asleep.

And you fall in love.

/

It’s not uncommon to rain in Toronto. But today rain feels heavier on Sebastian’s skin. He remembers the day he met you; it was hot and the sun made the window glass look like it was about to melt. That memory is the cause of his shivering.

Once upon a time he was in love. He was in love with a girl who had ethereal written all over her body. He was in love with a girl who was destined for divinity.

But those were the old days; they are dead and gone now. Your skin glistening under the Athenian sun changed it all.

It’s not easy to feel this way. The sky understands so it opens up and pours down on his dark hair. He presses his eyes closed with his fingers. And he tries to imagine a version of himself that doesn’t think about you that often.

He can’t.

Not even when he has a deity as his girlfriend.

/

The next time you see him, his hair is a little longer and much messier than you remember. And you have to devour all the sense that’s left inside you as not to touch it with your bare hand.

He has a cigarette in his fingers and a dark jacket thrown around his shoulders and everyone’s asking him about the festival. You just sit on the corner of your neighbor’s flat and listen to laughter and glasses clicking against each other. And you smile.

Smile; because he’s here.

And then he notices you and you’re pretty sure his eyes linger on your face a little longer than it's normal for humans. And his gaze is so brilliantly blank and loony that you don’t know how to respond. And then he starts to cough. And he never looks at you for the rest of the night.

You want to believe it’s better this way.

But it makes you so angry; you want to clench your teeth hard.

/

It goes like this; you don’t exchange any words for the next two days and it feels like your lips will start to bleed.

And you don’t know but his head feels like battlefield.

“When do you know you can’t stop it?” He asks Argyris. He feels ashamed.

“When you don’t want to stop it.”

He grabs the beer can and drinks his confusion away. He hopes alcohol will send his thoughts to sleep but instead it sends him to your door.

He rests his head against the wooden material. He can hear water running down and he can hear you humming a song.

And the foreign words make no sense to him but somehow they sound like lyrical poetry.

He waits for the water to stop and then he knocks.

/

Your hair is wet and sticks to your blue shirt. Your eyes grow wide when you see him standing there.

“I thought you’d never come at my door again.”

He looks at the floor.

“I shouldn’t.”

He sounds defeated; defeated by his own self. And you can smell the flammable liquid on his breath. And you can see that he has his nails pressed against his palm. You take his hand in yours and he closes his eyes. You caress the little cuts with your fingers. There are no scars but the skin is still red and painted with fear. You understand and it makes you feel dirty and obscene.

You look thoughtful for a moment and then you decide you can’t go on like this. It will split your souls.

“How’s Canada?” His eyes fill with surprise and he laughs. It gives you pride.

“Never been?”

He takes a step inside your place and his eyes fall on the empty bottle of pills at the kitchen table.

He doesn’t say a word about it.

You love him for that.

“I’ve never been anywhere.” Your cheeks are flushed with a soft raspberry color.

Sebastian realizes then that he wants to show you the entire world. Every corner of it. He wants to hold your hand as you walk beneath the Corsican stars. And he wants to memorize the Northern lights with you by his side. And he wants to see you laugh as he falls off his surf board in New Zealand. And he wants every cliché thing there is to do.

His heart stretches at the thought of it.

“Canada is beautiful in its own way.” He looks out of your window.

You wonder if he’s trying to find some more constellations in the sky, but then he turns around and walks towards you.

“I’ve been there a lot of times.”

Of course you have, you think.

He brushes a strand of hair behind your ears. It’s still damp and cold.

“Have you been to a lot of places?” He smiles and nods.

And then you can sense it; the sharp feeling of heartbreak crawling under your skin. You try to ignore it.

“I used to be grateful I travel all the time.”

You place your hand on his chest. The beating makes you calm.

“You’re not grateful anymore?”

He rubs his palm over his face.

“I am,” he inhales “But sometimes I just want to stay where I am.”

Yeah, I know.

He leaves an hour later, still drunk.

Still in love.

/

On Sunday, he takes you out for dinner. You tell him you don’t like dates. He promises it’s not a date.

You know you’re both lying.

He orders some red wine and he drinks as he watches you eat. It all feels natural to him. Somewhere at the back of his head though, there’s still some rationality left, that makes him think, this can’t be wrong, when it feels so natural.

He doesn’t drink any more.

/

You’re playing with the maraschino cherry on your dessert when his phone rings and your world comes crashing down.

You don’t intend to but you see the caller ID.

Love.

He had called you love one night.

He feels too guilty to look at you so he grabs the device and gets out of the place.

You want to throw the ice cream on the floor.

And then you want to hit the wall; with your head. But you can’t. So you just bite down at the cherry and wait for him to come back.

And when he does, things are different.

He doesn’t to try to make jokes and you don’t laugh. His eyes are everywhere but on you and your hand stays away from his.

You tell him you’re done with dessert so you can leave.

He has never felt more relieved.

/

Your pace is fast, but he catches up. You can’t outrun him.

His breath quickens as he comes closer. It’s almost innocent and childlike, the look he gives you.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers and it makes you laugh. You laugh and you shake your head and it’s not enough.

“Why?” He can taste the bitterness all over you. “This wasn’t date. So why are you sorry?”

You keep walking and his breath keeps echoing in your ears. You find the entrance of your building.

You’ve seen the place a hundred times but only now you notice how old it looks. It makes you disgusted. It makes you want to vomit.

It starts with him saying he doesn’t want to hurt anyone.

And then you rest your body at the soiled wall, trying to remind yourself you’ve had your heart broken before. And your eyes are not dry anymore. And you can taste salt in your lips. And he comes closer and he holds you.

You swear you see tears in his cheeks too, but he’s too fast to wipe them away.

“Have you ever done anything only to regret it a second later?”

You’re not certain which one of you asks but you can hear your bones breaking as you throw your head around and he arches his back.

His hands touch the dried tears on your face and it stings like sewing needles. And his lips touch yours. And for a brief moment you feel like you’re stealing from life.

And he can taste all of you; raw.

And it feels like fists that punch him.

And when you pull away you both have already regretted everything.

“Now you have something to be sorry for.”

You wonder if perhaps a broken dignity is better than a broken heart.

/

i really appreciate feedback, it motivates me tons and also tell me if you’d like to be tagged :)

tagging: @lharrietg @awkward117 @dannaloureen @broccoligf @cutestfangirlvevo @caitdaniels @arymb @buckybarnesishot310 @roguesthetic @itsaliceheree @sara-1705 @dorothea-hwldr @freshfreakoaftrash​ @drinkfantasy