#but if my brother wants to know what it's like to have an anxiety disorder for a day that's his prerogative

[payasita]

i tend to cook way more than i can eat so the household generally has free reign of whatever I leave in the fridge but for the sake of peace I feel the need to. at least warn them away from this weekend's impulse concoction while it sets

[prismatica-the-strange]

Nope, I'm still crying

[socialtomcat]

watched tuatara movie and i need to yell about it so so bad but i cannot deal with that mans name all over my dash do u all promise to be normal 😇

[sassycheesecake]

Hii I love ur blog and I was wondering if you could do hc's of salusa kiyoomi, komori motoya, atsumu miya, and hoshiumis type of s/o? Thanksss❤️‼️

Hello little cake! Of course I can! I hope it is to your liking ❤️

Kiyoomi Sakusa

I am 95% sure Kiyoomi would have a s/o who is more on the quiet side yet still confident

Since he is dealing with loud teammates on a daily basis timeskip, he prefers it if it’s more quiet

Obviously his s/o can have their silly moments but they should know their boundaries

Kiyoomi would definitely look for a s/o who can take care of themselves, physically and mentally

His s/o would also have to bring great patience and understanding into the beginning of the relationship

It takes some time for the Outside Hitter to warm up to someone

But once his s/o has broken down his walls and melted off the ice-cold facade, Kiyoomi is the most attentive boyfriend

He cleans, he has impeccable hygiene and incredibly smart

He 1000% has a routine for how to do things at his home or how he spends his day, his s/o has to accept his busy schedule and adjust to it

THE BEST LISTENER!

Kiyoomi may not be the best advice giver but if you need to vent, man‘s gonna listen without interruption

Invites you to all his games and you need to wear his jersey

I headcannon Kiyoomi is a very jealous person fight me

Please no nicknames for him (his partner would get the famous scowl)

I can see Kiyoomi dating someone who does not have a lot of contact with other people in their work life, so probably IT or a writer for example

Tolerates medical field workers😂

Motoya Komori

Motoya is on the tier list of golden retriever boyfriends

He’s so understanding, so cute and very romantic

I think it doesn’t really matter to Motoya what his s/o looks like or if his s/o is more quiet or more loud

Motoya grew up with Mr. anxiety himself, so he knows exactly what to do if you have panic attacks or suffer under panic disorders

But with every professional athlete, Motoya needs someone who understands his busy schedule and shouldn’t get mad about him going away for quite a while on away games or longer training days

Trust is everything to Motoya!

His s/o shouldn’t be a sarcastic person, Motoya would get annoyed by it eventually

Lowkey needs Sakusa‘s approval

Motoya has a high social battery, so his s/o should be able to handle lots of meet ups and social outings

His partner should be able to get along with his family, especially Sakusa since he is very close with him

Communication is also very important to Motoya, his s/o NEEDS to tell him if something is bothering them

Atsumu Miya

Cheeky asshole (my bae)

I can see Atsumu going for either a confident person like himself or someone submissive

Either would work but it would be more compatible if his s/o would be more submissive (even in the bedroom)

His s/o would also have to be tolerant of his direct behavior and shouldn’t take everything he says directly to heart (Atsumu can be mean at times and if he’s mad or moody, his s/o shouldn’t be too sensitive about it)

Atsumu needs a s/o who is smaller than him, he is a big teaser and loves to be teased back

S/o shouldn’t be afraid of physical affection, Atsumu is BIG on pda (kissing in public, occasional butt squeezes)

His partner shouldn’t be too clingy, Atsumu is very dedicated to his sport!

If Atsumu loses a game, his partner should be respectful about him wanting alone time or comfort

His partner can be athletic or in not so top shape, yet he would probably prefer one that can somewhat keep up with his stamina and go on runs with him or even train with him

His s/o HAS to get along with his twin brother, if they don’t like each other, it’s an absolute NO-GO for Atsumu (he may never admit it out loud but Osamu is Atsumu‘s whole world besides volleyball)

Kōrai Hoshiumi

Seagull boi

Would need a s/o who doesn’t mind his loud mouth

His s/o should be his number one fan and be quite feisty and a proud character

His partner should definitely be around his height or taller than him

Kōrai is a very competitive person, he would love to have a partner he can have bets with or fight against (like gaming, playing sports etc)

Kōrai doesn’t care what body shape his partner has, he will love them regardless

The bigger nerd his partner is, the better

Would have to be a big fan of animals, since his best friend is a vet and Kōrai occasionally has pets staying with him

Probably will adopt like 2 dogs with his s/o

[official-darkforest]

What’s Jayfeather and Alderheart’s relationship like in your au? I always imagined Jayfeather choosing to tutor one of his siblings after Hollyleaf, Cinderheart, and Lionblaze kind of did and he realizes five days later he was mislead into thinking this would be fun but now he just has a little 13 year old on his hands. But I don’t know how well that translates to another time period

kinda! i think with how the timelines overlap a lot closer (to make sure that characters are within reasonable age differences between each other) alder and his sister were born earlier and are only just barely younger than ivy/dove, so jay/lion/holly’s childhood overlaps with alder/spark’s a little bit. i’d say with squirrel’s fertility issues (probably PCOS or some other unspecified reproductive disorder) they probably have a pretty significant age difference but not to the same degree as the books where jay was a grown ass adult (theres a 5 year difference between them in canon! that means he wouldve been like fucking 35 or so human yrs LMFAOO) by the time alder was born. maybe 10 yrs at the most. dandelion and juniper were born between that but unfortunately didnt survive long

as for their relationship, they were pretty okay. jay was probably fresh into college by the time alder got diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. squirrel/bramble probably pressed jay about it but he dismissed them because he was still a student at the time and nowhere near a professional yet. alder idolized jay a lot growing up because he “didn’t let his disability hold him back”. there qas a lot of inspiration porn type of thinking on alder’s end and honestly the rest of the family kinda perpetuated it as well so its not just him. its not intentional either but yknow. at a certain point (and a lot of long conversations and arguments between the two about it) alder stops idolizing him to such an unhealthy degree and doesn’t fall into the ‘if my disabled brother can do xyz then i have 0 excuses’ line of thinking as much as he used to. while alder isnt the biggest fan of jay trying to psychoanalyze him mid-argument, he takes his word into consideration anyways

jay likes to say he thinks alder is irritating (in the younger sibling kind of way) but honestly spark was worse than alder when she was a teenager. jay just interacted with alder more since he was quieter and less overstimulating, especially when in the Deepest Pits Of College Homework Hell. also hes bluffing he really does enjoy alder’s company. he’s hard on him because he wants the younger to succeed, evem if hes a bit mean about it sometimes.

alder eventually becomes a pharmacist instead of a psychologist, finding the work of the former much more attuned to his needs and his likes. he’s still helping people. by the 2010s-2020s, he’s even filled and compounded a few medications jay prescribed to his patients!

[lavandermix]

"Timmy Fenton AU"

I've been thinking about this AU for a while and since I've finished the basic design of the main characters, I wanted to share it.

This is an idea of what it would be like if Timmy had been abandoned with the Fenton's at the age of 5. The story is still half in my head but I'm leaving the most important parts as a future reference:

I am using part of the chronology of the premiere dates of the series, so, Clement (Timmy's mother) is 3 years older than Maddie (Danny's mother). Even so, Maddie married and had children before Clement.

(Did you know that according to Google, Timmy's parents are named Clement and Edgar? So sad).

Timmy's mother and Danny's mother are sisters, Clement from a young age resented her younger sister for being smart and skilled in engineering, she made fun of her passion for ghosts and criticized her marriage to Jack although she was also envious of their success in their career and marriage. On the other hand Maddie stopped paying attention to her sister and although she tried to keep in touch, she stopped receiving responses when she had her daughter, the last she heard from her sister was 5 years before when she announced her pregnancy to the family and gloated that her daughter would be better than Jazmine (and daniel).

Timmy has suffered abuse and neglect from his parents for as long as he can remember, causing him various traumas and disorders, including dyslexia, anxiety, anxious attachment, selective mutism and ADHD.

Timmy is learning delayed because his parents never took him to school.

The day Timmy is abandoned, he is taken out of his bed at dawn and put in the car with only his backpack and only one change of clothes, he changed in the car, so he didn't have his pink cap anymore.

Timmy's hair is a little long and unkempt because his parents kept forgetting to take him to the hair salon.

They literally left him on the Fenton's doorstep with his backpack and a letter where Clement asked (demanded) her to take care of him since she and her husband were going on a cruise and didn't want to take timmy with them.

Danny at first doesn't understand why an unknown boy who is supposed to be his cousin is now staying at his house, but seeing how sad Timmy looks, he adopts him as his little brother and proposes to take care of him.

Jazz worries about Timmy but prefers to leave the “recovery” work to his parents.

Maddie and Jack first try to locate Timmy's parents, but when they can't find anything for a month, they decide that the best thing for Timmy is to adopt him themselves.

In this AU Timmy doesn't meet Cosmo and Wanda until the Volcano Island adventure.

I haven't thought about if Timmy will have friends at Amity Park yet, but at the beginning he has to receive special education plus extra classes with Jazz for reinforcement.

Timmy's skin is slightly pale due to the lack of sun exposure from being indoors most of the time.

I want to make this a fanfic in the future, but I don't have any publication date yet, anyway if anyone wants to know more, feel free to ask me questions or drop me a message!

[sparkly-sediment]

tf2 headcanon nsfw

tw butts and stuff

eats pussy:

Medic

He’s methodical about it and def gets pleasure from the results of his work rather than the work itself

The voices say he licks more than sucks

Works in intervals like an athlete. Devours then savors, chugs then sips

Might nip at the inside of your thighs tho

preferences lean more towards bush as he always loves a challenge.

If you had a really big bush he would casually floss with it like “oh hold on I have something in my teeth” and then keep going

Uses his knowledge of pressure points for evil and maintains rigid German eye contact throughout I fear

Solid 8/10 but if you don’t like the freaky shit he says or are autistic (so dislike the eye contact) 6-7/10 but always messier than Spy

Spit dripping legs shaking

Spy

He’s pretty good at it but if you aren’t madly in love with him it feels kinda icky

JUST HIS VIBE. HIS CANON VIBE. I DON’T WANT THAT NEAR MY 🐱

fanon vibe tho 😏

His mouth is so dry and it’s clear he learned this as a business venture

Eats in the slow way brother cherishes a build up and edging perhaps

Very smug about it definitely condscending and if you like the teasing vibe then great!! But it will be there regardless he’s just like that 😔

Takes it very seriously though. He is on a mission and it will not be complete until you finish minimum of twice

Some emotional distance afterwards. Aftercare really isn’t a priority and if you hang out after he immediately smokes a cigarette and responds in grunts

6/10 score brought down by low emotional availability ty

Unless you’re Scout’s mom then 10/10 woman will see god and it will look like her man

sniper

Love is a sacrament best taken kneeling

Devours you like a madman left to starve in the bush. The type of shit to give you flashbacks during dinner. Sitting at the table and suddenly you have to breathe and crane your neck 😩

Also enjoys a bush but prefers you to be most comfortable with it + shaved pussy he will engulf

Frantic? Starts off wide and exploratory but then locks in and he’s holding your legs open and going wild

He’ll finger you during which is definitely a nice touch, but tbh he’s good enough it isn’t even necessary

Thinks making out after is hot and is good with aftercare. He wants it too because unlike some people *COUGH HACK* he wants to feel that connection

Definitely into being a bit dominant but honestly? Pet his hair and tell him how good it feels and you’re bound for life

9/10 I think he may he awkward before.

Like when you have food and someone else starts staring like “why are you looking at me like that” but in this situation you are the food

He has a hard time approaching the subject at first and will probably just ask if he can go down on you without much prior romancing

He has an anxiety disorder 💔 but that’s the only disordered function 😏

will hold hands during

Heavy

You will see celestial beings during and after

First off, Heavy absolutely eats pussy, though his partners are typically men. He does Not care what the grooming is because if you’re at the point he wants to do this to you it will be DONE

He’s grown he don’t give a fuck

Takes eat literally lmao look how big his mouth is!!! Half the reason it’s so grand is the size of his tongue 👅 😛

Heavy is more sensitive than the others. More nurturing. He likes pleasing a woman and by god does he know how to do it

Very rare for someone to unlock this event though and he has to be kneeling on the ground with you on a bed or something because of how tall he is

Don’t make him hang off the bed babe he’s 6’5

8/10 (thick man fingers aren’t always hot)

Engineer

You know how sometimes after you cum you’ll have period cramps? Or that uncomfortable squeeze? I feel like after oral from him you’d get that. Just a premalition

It’s good. It’s decent. Not every man is a sex god but as long as you communicate with your partner and genuinely try it’s gonna be okay

He’s so into himself omg so the more vocal you are the better he thinks he’s doing ie. the better he feels

Spit. Slurp. All that ooey gooey pleasurable but nasty shit. Not to kink shame girl I would be into it too but you would definitely have to go clean up with a wet washcloth minimum

I feel like he’s REALLY good at fingering like exceptionally so. He’ll find the spot that makes you gasp and writhe and work it!!

The sensitive hands of an empath 😌

Head game not strong tho 😔

5/10 depending on his mood

7/10 if he’s drunk

Demo

The best of them all?

Demo listens really well. He wants to you enjoy yourself just as much as he does, and he knows he’s about to have a great fucking time

All over the place. Squeezes your boobs and suckles. So good. Too good. You become slightly weirded out by how well he latches but before you dislike it he moves on

His hands roam while he goes down on you and he’ll give your hand a reassuring squeeze on occasion

Panting against your inner thigh and locks in

Uses his hands during and will sink up the curl of his fingers with his tongue

You will smell a little yeasty from all the beer on his breath 😬 always go pee after sex, but if any part of him touches your vagina, you need to pH balance immediately

You’ll be walking funny 😩😩😩 enjoys hanging out after. He needs emotional security too!

His favorite activity after is to lay together and drink ❤️

10/10

Doesn’t eat pussy:

Scout

HEAR ME OUT. he doesn’t want to

Kinda guy to keep his macaroni salad separate from his meat. Doesn’t mix foods, doesn’t eat pussy, and is barely literate

It’s a hard life out here

Scout definitely has potential but it just isn’t fully realized. Very much going to be whipped into shape by his first serious girlfriend and he will be grateful for it!!

Wants to be a macho sex guy making the gals scream and tweak, but he simply is not

Fool in an endearing way so maybe he’d try if you asked and lick your thigh for a second

Pokes the labia major with his tongue thrice and goes “Heh, did you cum? “

You didn’t.

Pyro

In my head, they are not freaking

Thank you 🙏🏻

Unknown

Soldier

He might. There’s something wrong with him but he might

Either eats pussy like a rabid animal OR thinks it’s gross (also thinks blowjobs are gross I just know it would go both ways) hands are okay though

Tbh I don’t think you’d want him to eat you out 😭

Does the head things where he shakes like he’s in a watermelon eating contest

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for trying to get my grandparents to plan for when I leave?

(sending this 3/27/24 in case dates/timelines are important or something)

I (20X) am planning to move in with my brother in the very near future (like within a month or two), and I'm also planning to take some college classes at the local community college starting this fall. I've been worried about my grandparents because they're both in their 70s (my grandma is 74, my grandpa turns 77 next month) and have some disabilities. It's important to note I've lived with them almost my entire life, and their disabilities have gotten worse as they've aged. Because they're disabled, I do a lot of stuff around the house for them. This makes me worried about what they'll do when I leave and how they'll navigate because I feel like they're dependent on me.

My grandpa's been out of town for the past week and got back last night, so I mentioned today that I want him and my grandma to plan for when I leave. The response was basically "we'll be fine, go live your life" and "we've never had an empty nest before" and the empty nest comment honestly just seems like it proves my point?

One of the issues is my grandparents babysit my cousins a lot (the youngest being 2 months old, the oldest being 10) and they especially get dependent on me when they're babysitting. Additionally I'm planning to completely cut all contact with them because they've been emotionally abusive for as long as I can remember (even sometimes getting physically abusive to myself, my brother, and my dog). I haven't told them about this yet, mostly because I feel like they'd freak out (they are the type to say they're the people who raised me so they're entitled to whatever from me).

I feel like a bit of an asshole for even telling them to plan out what they're gonna do when I leave because they have kids around town, which is where the empty nest comment came from I think. But on the other hand, my grandpa leaves the house a lot without my grandma, and my grandma can't get around very well, partly because she had a stroke back in 2010 that messed up her balance. I'm primarily worried that something will happen to her and nobody will be around to help her out. Additionally, their kids have lives and jobs of their own, so there's no guarantee they'd be able to get their kids' help if they need it.

They're so insistent that they don't need a plan that I'm tempted to have them act like I don't exist for a week and see how they do.

I also have generalized anxiety disorder, in case that's relevant. Both of my grandparents know about this diagnosis.

TLDR: AITA for trying to get my grandparents to make a plan for when I leave, despite them having their kids around town?

[jiminy-crickets]

saw the tags on your rb, and as a fellow "connor bedard has autism" headcanoner, i would love to know more of your thoughts 😈

it's less of a headcanon and more of a divinely correct vibe check. but like am i wrong...???? although I do see it more as they're the same flavour of ND with different presentations, like Connor is hyperfocus ADHD, and Macklin is inattentive (this comes from someone with mixed presentation ADHD¹, they also tried to diagnose me with austim but my legs were too long i make eye contact BUT!!! 93rd% "indicating that Cassie has many behavioural characteristics similar to youth diagnosed with ASD." raaaaa 💪💪💪 93% is an A!! i ace even the tests i fail!!!) Plus his rigidity with his diet, is bonkers for someone that young (and it's been going on since he was like 14-15)

Like especially with the way that Connor's constant practicing, after practice until the zamboni kicks him off, and then on off days and optional skates hiding his gear to make him take days off?? that is pretty classic hyperfocus ADHD. And especially with the way he blames the teams loses on himself, like please sir seeing you in the mirror is not good for my health!!

And with Macklin, people often mischaracterize inattentive ADHD with not being motivated or good at routine and while yes those two things are a normal part of human life, and more-so with ADHD, he has shown many times how deeply he cares about hockey........ but I think (and also remember i am projecting) his father being THAT hands on with him and his brothers training (even now which yuck, you have your own job get your grubby paws off of your kid's job) has made him unable to self propel, and get himself into that routine? (AND AGAIN I AM PROJECTING) like something Macklin has said a few times is how the shift to a pro-hockey schedule has been hard, and yes it is an adjustment, but he has been essentially living away from his parents for YEARS, two years boarding at Shattuckk, one year (presumably) billeting in Chicago while playing in the USHL, and one year in college at BU, and I think the real shift is that... daddy is planning his workouts again, full time not just summers (also, the travaling doesn't help) AND THAT (i am projecting) is HELL to someone who built a routine, and any hope of getting back into one was dashed when he went of IR for his hip after one game. the boy needs CONSISTENCY!!!!! And until they get him 1) away from his freak father who has his hands al over his development plan, and 2) on simple routine with max five types of days (home game, home practice, home rest, away game, away rest) he will not get situated.

BACK TO BEDARD <33333

the man loves rules and procedures. him at his first training camp all doe eyed and "wanting to make the team!" so much that Kyle Davidson... maybe it was Luke Richardson who said it...??? either way his coach or his GM pulled aside his MOTHER to tell them that they needed to start looking at apartments. Before getting drafted it was never "when" it was "if i get drafted".... like dude.... it's gonna happen! Whenever he get's sen't to the box its always a "they hate me, don't they know I am unable to break rules!! not because they don't apply to me but because I can NOT break rules!" vibe (I am only kinda projecting on this one)

and I do think the type of media around them during their developmental years up has affected them, Macklin's media was always focused on his father, which reinforced his reliance/dependence on him, whereas Connor's was focused on him which encouraged him to focus on himself and what HE can do to improve.

also Connor has that DOG IN HIM

^ connor bedard real not fake (also my childhood psychologist had this PROMENENTLY displayed in her office and i think seeing it every two weeks had an adverse affect on me)

¹ and a bunch of other learning disorders, dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia, audio processing disorder, also anxiety, depression, and cutie patootie disease (fatal 😔)

[tinytime10]

More Warriors headcanons because I had a bunch of time to spare.

 First off, his emotional support scarf is pretty much indestructible. Originally it was like very lightly magical  every time it would get cut or torn and they would repair it. The magic would strengthen to the point where that thing's pretty much indestructible now.

 At the very beginning Warriors and mask did not like each other very much. He never wanted to be a single father in the middle of trying to fight a war but Impa decided for him. so he became a single father at 17.They grew to love each other as brothers within the next two months. After that they were sleeping in the same cot half the time from nightmares and we're willing to die for each other. 

He dyes his hair. I've seen this headCanon around that he has brown hair so he dyed it blonde. My personal headcanon is he dyes it his natural color because he has  gray streaks in his hair, and that simply won't do.

 He is fiercely protective of his hair. For the longest time he thought of his beauty as his value. Though he might have a little bit better of a mindset about it now, his obsession with his appearance didn't die out.

 Warriors is in love with Zelda. He kissed her after he defeated Ganondorf; it was an impulsive decision and it surprised both of them. They weren't in love at that point; they had feelings for each other, but not much more than that.

 He thought of himself as a war prize. For a lot of his life that's what he was, that's what Cia called him. That's what his soldiers called him. That became his identity. When The War ended he offered himself to Zelda. Reasoning she won the war she had earned him. He was confused when she refused to take him to bed with her. Explaining that he didn't owe her anything. It took him a while to understand that. In Zelda's opinion, she refused to be added to the already long list of his abusers.

 He doesn't trust medics, enough of them try to kill him during the war while he was most vulnerable and injured. After all, destroy the war prize, end the war. a lot of people thought if they could just kill the captain Cia would stop. There are very few medics he actually trusts.

 Mask and Tune accidentally called him Mom every once in a while and he would cry for the next 5 minutes. During the linked universe Time dared to do it and make it sound natural, lo and behold Warriors cried for the next 5  minutes.

 He was super chill with Wolfie. Twilight took to comforting Warriors as Wolfie instead of Hylian form, because Warriors responded better to the presence of a wolf then he did to another Hylian.

 Twilight does not take kindly to how thin Warriors is. Since the captain is so severely underweight especially for his height Twilight is very worried for him, but he doesn't understand how eating disorders work and anxiety of being poisoned makes it so hard to eat. so Wolfie kind of became a medical alert dog for warriors if he didn't eat that day or hadn't eaten enough. Twilight would bring it up or, (Pre-Wolfie reveal) as Wolfie would come up and just start rubbing his head against warriors's waist and stomach until someone got the point and made sure Warriors was fed.

That's all the ones I can think of off the top of my head right now let me know what you enjoy more: the head Cannon lists or the short story style of writing.

[zenythycal]

HEY SO I RARELY DO THIS BUT ONE OF MY FRIENDS IS BEING STALKED AND ACCUSED OF HORRIBLE SHIT SO PLEASE READ!

Toyhouse <- Their call out post

Screenshot for those who don't have it and I will also include a transcript in case it's hard to read! (It'll be under the read more!)

Thank you all for taking time and listening to my friend, I know and trust them. I think it's DISGUSTING to make false accusations like this. As a victim of stalking and grooming myself I am sickened by this persons actions and I hope my friend Adder can finally get away from this. Send them love and support for me!

Also do not harass the person. Last thing we need is more stress, just help spread this around.

Transcript for those who cannot read the screenshot:

"EDIT 1 : STOP stalking my account. I am not the one reaching out to you. If I want to warn my friends, I can do so In peace. 

Hi yall. this is directed towards the pressure community mainly, but I do encourage anyone who sees this to steer away quickly as possible. 

before we dive in, i am professionally diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) from these events, I relive them almost daily. Back in June, as you all have seen on my bulletins, shorelinesiren, known as JD, Jacob, whatever, made a callout post on me, calling me a pedophile and a groomer. I have cleared my name, but the damage is still there to this day. (as of 9/12/24) I am neither, as I was groomed myself when I was a younger teenager. Its also worth mentioning that I voluntarily when into a psychiatric hospital to get better. Jacob released the callout post while I was still in the hospital, recovering, unable to DEFEND myself. He made the callout post to roughly 3k people, through his now defunct avatar discord server and his also defunct instagram. 

My relationship with jacob was strictly monetary as he used me for money. He managed to get me to spend $300USD in ONE MONTH on his adopts, art, and merchandise on his Etsy store. While Jacob ran his Etsy store, He had stickers made for Palestine, which all profit would go to charities/reliefs/supports. I have never seen a receipt of his donations, In dms or the 2 servers we had.  Since then, he's moved accounts 3 times and deleted his 2 avatar servers. Jacob has shit talked his "closest" friends, his brother, and server members to me. While we were friends we used to shit talk server members, mainly 3 people. Danny, Rose, And Teylu. Jacob had said disgusting things about his so called friends, calling them names, talking about how needy or annoying they were and especially how much Danny and Rose were dick riders. Specifically how Danny would suck up to each admin/mod, and How Rose was annoying, opinionated, and how she would constantly ask for admin/mod privileges. Teylu got the worst of it, as they were described constantly as weird, annoying and a beggar.  As for me, I conformed to fit in with Jacob's group. I always have felt it was never a genuine friendship. I've always had the sneaking suspicion that he talked about me behind my back to his friends, while I wasn't around. Only now I feel I can confirm it, since I have found out he stalks my page, and my other friend's page, as well as their partner's.  (I only recently posted about him again since I found out from a friend that he was using my art without crediting me.)

Jacob has a cult like following. Anyone following him is willing to defend him no matter what. He stalks my instagram account through his admin/mod team. I only know about this because when I posted on my story about him not properly crediting me and essentially saying "Jacob I know you can see this, you need to credit me for my art, even if commissioned" He then deleted the art from one of his character's profile, instead of crediting me.

 After that, I had an EXTREMELY toxic altercation with one of his followers, who I'm assuming has a parasocial relationship with him outside of commissions. I also encourage you to stay away from this user, Mothbone_s, who had dmed me back in June when the original post was made and said ; "You're 19 dude grow tf up you're continuing drama no one else cares about like a fucking child." I responded (huge mistake), calling them a glazer, and got back 3 PARAGRAPHS. Mothbone_s had to say "womp womp your a grown ass adult who thinks harassing a minor so long that said minor is an adult now and doesn't give a fuck about you is embarassing Ghost." cont 1, "No one actually gives a fuck you the way you think, we could actually give less of a fuck if you curled up and died right now because we least wouldn't have to deal with you continuing old shit everyone has moved on from" cont 2. "you aren't hot shit, you ain't scary mf, you're just some internet goon with no job, no life and an unhealthy desire for control and attention. now that your not getting it back your trying to take it back yo again in some miserable attempt to make a statement when all your doing is looking like a fucking idiot" cont. 3 "you ever dm me again i'll tell you straight up about how i actually feel about you, you pathetic piece of shit. go be a creep somewhere else and stop thinks harassing the enemies you made by being a fucking lunatic" and replied to the me telling them to mind their own business like an actual adult. cont 4, "if you were an actual adult you'd grow the fuck up and stop dwelling on shit from June" cont. 5, "like, you're a proshipper, you're a dirty pedophile who enjoys little kids and beastiality" cont. 6, "nothing you say is gonna scare me, bitch you ain't scary. you're a zoophile a pedo and a groomer" CONT. 7, "you ain't the big dog bitch so dont lil sis me". 

I have never interacted with this user before. I don't even remember who they are LOL.  Goes to show how toxic Jacob's fanbase is. Makes me wonder if Mothbone_s is projecting. but anyway, It's important to me that you all stay safe and stay far AWAY from both of these people, so you don't hurt like I have.

Moving onto a different topic, Jacob has also plagiarized names and fanclans. My mutual, Donquixotte, has had their original gator fanclan plagiarized. There was no direct changes, everything was almost identical. From the coloring of characters, down to the design of the body and attributes. everything was the same. Jacob has taken so much from other people, I wouldn't even call it inspiration. 

To the pressure community, as well as JC'S AVATAR community, please please PLEASE, steer away from these individuals. They are severely wrapped up in their own delusions. 

Be safe. 

Adder"

[actually-a-fish]

the best supernatural episodes

according to an autistic person with a special interest and the ability to make a list.

if youre really serious about supernatural spoilers then maybe stay away :)

None of the season one episodes made in on the list but I will give an honorable mention to S1 E2 Wendigo.

S2 E11 Playthings - A classic, creepy girls in a creepy hotel. Special call out to Sam getting SLOPPY

S2 E16 Roadkill - There's a ghost haunting the highway. the Boys help the spirit move on. This is an early example of monster empathy

S2 E18 Hollywood Babylon - Dean loves hollywood. I love dean. this episode makes me kick my feet like a little girl and i will not defend myself.

S2 EP 20 What Was Shall Never Be - all I have in my notes for this one is "Dean Djinn Dream" which was enough for me to remember the episode and get misty eyes. This is SEASON 2 my son will never know peace.

S3 E5 Bedtime Stories -I had to check the wiki on this one, I think i liked it cause it referenced classic fairytales

S3 Ep11 Mystery Spot - "HEAT OF THE MOMENT" RISE AND SHINE SAMMY!

S3 E13 Ghostfacers! - Im a Facer through and through

S3 E16 No Rest for the Wicked - S3 finale and the Boys are facing consequences! Classic Dean, Sam and Bobby episode.

S4 E1 Lazerus Rising - First Cas Episode. That handprint makes me feel things.

S4 E6 Yellow Fever - What if Dean had anxiety (The Eye of the Tiger blooper is also at the end of the episode which gives it bonus points.

S4 E17 Wishful Thinking - Make a wish? was it for your teddy bear to be diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder? Well thats what youre getting!

S4 E17 It's a Terrible Life - Sam ~ the sales rep. Dean ~ middle management.

S4 E18 The Monster at the End of the Book - There are books about Sam and Dean?! Written by this guy who loves self insert character? Surely the entire show isn't about to take a tone shift?

S5 E3 Free to be You and Me - Sam and Dean are fighting again, but this time Dean has a new heavenly boy toy to play with instead. (Cas has no rizz yet it's actually a little painful to watch)

S5 E5 Fallen Idol - Okay the Wax People episode is on here for one reason and one reason only. Paris Hilton.

S5 E7 The Curious Case of Dean Winchester - Old man Dean and old man Bobby. This is also the episode for HH Husk kinnies.

S5 E8 Changing Channels - Dr Sexy MD is that you?!

S5 E9 The Real Ghostbuster - *in a grizzly voice* "I'm Dean Winchester, this is my brother Sam. Have you experienced anything strange?" "Dude that was so good! Now we can go solve the puzzle" "Man you're breaking the immersion!"

S5 E10 Abandon All Hope - This is here for Crowley's first appearance and not because the end will make you cry.

S5 E12 Swap Meat - "uh... its Audi Nos". Freaky Friday starring Sam Winchester! An angsty teen and April Kepner from Grey/Sloan Memorial Hospital.

S5 E16 Dark Side of the Moon - The Boys lives flash before their eyes. Dean is pissed forever about Sams.

S5 E19 Hammer of the Gods - this is for all my pagans out there!

S6 E4 A Weekend at Bobby's - What do you think this episodes about idjit.

S6 E15 The French Mistake -  “For whatever reason, our life is a TV show.” “Why?” “I don't know.” “No, seriously. Why? Why would anybody want to watch our lives?” 

S7 E4 Defending your Life - consequences? for fucking people over? how about you stand trial.

S7 E20 The Girl with the Dungeons and Dragons Tattoo - The self insert character made for us :) Luv u 4ever Charlie XD

S8 E4 Bitten - found footage will always scare. this one reminds me that this show started as a psuedo horror.

S8 E8 hunteri heroci - Cas tries his hand at being a hunter

S8 E12 As Time Goes By - FINALLY THEY ARE CARVING TRAPS INTO BULLETS

S8 E17 Goodbye Stranger - verbatim here are my notes for this episode "Cas chooses Dean, but the way he handles Meg... Fuck Naomi"

S8 E18 Clip Show - If you only want to watch just one episode of Supernatural this should be it. It's not actually a clip show, theres a broment, bonding time with favorite characters and crazy plots that only supernatural could get away with.

S9 E5 Dog Dean Afternoon - Dean is finally a dog person

S9 E11 First Born - Another bro fight leads to shipping <3 SamxCas + DeanxCrowley <3

S9 E15 #thinman - the slender episode feat. GHOSTFACERS. You come away from this episode thinking "supernatural is so fucking gay why wont the boys kiss"

S9 E21 King of the Damned - my favorite crowley era change my mind. Also the way the Boys interrogate an angel is so funny

S10 E5 Fan Fiction - I would unironically fuck w a supernatural musical and if helluva/hazbin taught me anything the rest of you would too

S10 E6 Ask Jeeves - The Clue episode. (Pay attention to the improvised weapons Dean chooses. It brings me joy)

S10 E9 The Things we Left Behind - Cas is suffering a midlife crisis and his besties are there to help him repair his relationship with his daughter. Funnily enough, Crowley is also getting some family bonding in.

Okay, I'm all caught up on my list. Should I have stayed up late transcribing this with an 8am class tommarow?

Probably not but it did bring me great joy. Tell me your favorite episode! I'll continue to add to my list as I continue my rewatch :)

[prismatica-the-strange]

.

[idiopathicsmile]

the other day, i was talking to my brother, and he said, "the thing about anxiety is that it tells you if you just follow every single rule it creates for you, then you won't get hurt and you won't hurt the people around you."

(the only problem, of course, is how badly following those rules hurts yourself and the people around you.)

somehow, this turned into writing a lullaby from the point of view of my anxiety disorder, which i'm trying to learn how to ignore a little more. i guess that's kind of paradoxical but even just verbalizing the thoughts i take for granted can help sometimes. (it sort of inescapably sounds like a toxic interpersonal relationship, so warnings for that.)

LYRICS The world outside can be cold and strange uncertain winds, too-certain rain But i'll guard you from the stormy sea all that I ask is you listen to me Stay who you've been, stay where you were let it all pass by, a beautiful blur don't waste time wond'ring who you could be Listen to me, listen to me (x 2)

Scars and stories are for other girls unsinkable types, alive in the swirl You'd snap every sinew in that mess you call a body if you ever tried venturing beyond me So stay where you're put, do as you're told no one will break you, if you learn how to fold Smother the whisper who wants to be free Listen to me, listen to me (x 2) You say the box that protects you has dwindling air Well, have you considered, you're breathing too much? You know I wouldn't say this if I didn't care You know I'll always always always be in touch The walls are dragging inward like a dying star stay were you are, stay where you are What others call inertia I call destiny Listen to me, listen to me (repeat)

[the-derpy-duck]

2012 Donnie’s characterization bothers me so much because he could have been so much more interesting if more time was spent on aspects other than his crush on April.

Like yeah it’s not his only character trait but the way they both interact and how obnoxious and creepy it is brings both of their characters down. Donnie and Mikey both want to interact with humans more than Leo and Raph. Donnie understands more than Mikey that they can’t just go up and talk to humans. I’ll come back to this in a bit. There’s an entire episode about Donnie needing to learn to not over think everything. There are also some aspects of his relationship with April (the interaction map and him being extremely afraid of her not only rejecting him but hating him) that make me think he has some sort of anxiety disorder. Leo tells him to just ask her to hang out and Donnie insists that it isn’t that simple. He wants to plan out every possible situation. Leo also calls him special in one episode. He also refuses to eat in favor of doing more research into the monkey Rockwell thing. A lot of his interactions with April can be explained by him having a crush and being an awkward teenager but generally he gives off vibes. Donnie generally across media reads to me as being Neurodivergent.

In the episode where he has to learn to stop overthinking, April and Dr. Falco refer to mutants as monstrosities. Granted they weren’t talking specifically about the turtles and I think April was just trying using the same language Falco was using to describe specific experiments. Earlier in the episode she also expresses discomfort/disgust at the idea that they were experimenting on animals. Basically I don’t think April was intending to be hurtful or insulting towards her friends and Falco wasn’t but regardless this establishes how humans feel about mutants. Most if not every human also reacts to the turtles with fear or disgust the first time they see them as well. So it has been established that humans do not like mutants and have both an implicit and explicit bias against them.

So the turtles need to be extremely careful with who they reveal themselves to. Leo says that people tend to treat them better when they don’t know that they exist. Splinter definitely pushed this mindset on them but like… he’s not wrong. Donnie does want to interact with humans, it’s not a major aspect of him but it’s still there. All the turtles want to interact with humans to some extent, and they all want to go outside, but also Donnie is the first to really push talking to a human. I will come back to this in a moment.

One thing I think that 2012 did fairly well was establish the brothers dynamics. Raph and Mikey interact in a way that Donnie and Mikey wouldn’t and this can be said for every brother duo. Raph and Leo’s relationship has the most focus in the show but the other relationships are shown. However, I feel like the relationship between Donnie and Leo could have been further explored. Leo shows concern for Donnie and takes minor interest in what he does, but after season two they sort of begin to fall apart. They fought over strategy and eventually that led to Leo getting thrown through a window and the gang had to flee New York City. Leo is seriously injured and has to go through a whole recovery arc. To my knowledge, fight they had isn’t brought up. They mainly interact in group settings together or on missions and the most notable interactions they have are them fighting with each other. Leo puts pressure on Donnie to make an antimutigen and Donnie snaps at him. He always has to find a solution. Donnie wants to kill Vizioso and this causes a fight between him and Leo (Vizioso will be relevant later). They are in space, Fugatiod’s head has been chopped off and Leo is putting pressure on Donnie to fix the ship and Donnie snaps at him before backing down immediately. That wasn’t technically a fight and it was just generally a stressful situation. Leo definitely cares about Donnie and I don’t think he realized what he’s doing when he tells him to work harder. If Donnie wasn’t in most tmnt shows, they’d be fucked. His gadgets have saved their asses so many times across tmnt media. The idea of Donnie feeling overwhelmed or unappreciated is interesting to me. But Leo is unintentionally putting pressure on Donnie and their relationship is fairly tense. Leo also joins Kari and this snowballs into Donnie getting caught in an explosion Leo was partly responsible for. Which wasn’t purposeful but I think it’s important to mention. This is also what causes Leo to stop running with the foot clan if I’m not mistaken so that counts for something. Leo also asks Donnie why he wasn’t eating and then a lot later in the show Donnie asks Leo if he’s going to play dnd with them. Which is cute, I like that they both look out for each other at different points outside of battle. But they still have a very tense relationship that really could have been explored more.

Don Vizioso. So remember the anti-mutant thing from earlier? In season four(?) Donnie and Raph have a little fight and Raph quits the team again. Donnie and another mutant get captured by Vizioso’s mob and they almost vivisect Donnie. Vizioso has been developing anti mutant weapons and he thinks mutants are subhuman. Surprise surprise they don’t cut open one of the main characters on screen and he’s fine. But like. That’s an extremely traumatic event. I know they’ve watched their dad die like five times by now and have had a lot of near death experiences but they wanted to cut him open while he was completely lucid with no painkillers. That’s really fucked. Like a lot of messed up things happen in this show but that in particular just disturbs me. Donnie has been constantly exposed to humans hating mutants. His biggest fear in that one episode was April rejecting him, not just as a romantic partner but as a friend and person. If I remember correctly hallucination April calls him a freak. Donnie wants to kill Vizioso because of what he tried to do to him. And he would have used the information he gathered from Donnie to hurt him family. Vizioso directly puts the people Donnie cares about in danger. When Donnie is about to kill him, he sees his reflection in the knife on his bō staff and he can’t do it. Earlier in the episode he freezes when a guy with a hammer is about to attack him and Leo drops a chandelier on the guy. So he’s dead I guess. There’s also this whole thing about a heart and reviving shredder but it’s not really relevant to my point.

Leo’s arguments against killing Vizioso is ‘we need to get the heart not revenge’ and ‘this isn’t you’. I wish they had a conversation. Leo did something sort of similar and it only lead to more problems. I wish Leo attempted to relate his own experience back to Donnie’s current one. I wish they had a conversation just about everything. I wish it was shown that Donnie was impacted by what happened with Vizioso in other episodes outside of ‘heat of evil’. I wish Donnie and April’s relationship wasn’t written the way it was. Like he has a crush on her, fine. But why is it half his personality and why is he so fucking creepy? Most romantic relationships in tmnt 2012 suck ass and I wish they didn’t.

I think it would have been really cool if Donnie started out a lot more hopeful and positive towards humanity but over the course of the show he becomes more guarded because he doesn’t want his family to get hurt and they are constantly targeted by humans. Donnie feeling guilt over Mikey getting seriously injured at the end of ‘heart of evil’ would have been fun. I think it would have been interested if him and April were able to just be friends. If at the end of the big foot episode instead of kissing him when he said that he was ‘just a mutant’ and her saying he wasn’t ’just a mutant he was her mutant’ she said ‘you aren’t just a mutant your my friend’. Because that scene at least implies that Donnie views himself as lesser than because he is a mutant and he is worried about people rejecting him based on this perceived inferiority. Having that be a consistent part of his character that is actually addressed could make for an interesting character arc about accepting yourself and finding peace in a world that hates you for existing. Some people will hate you for things outside of your control and that is not your fault. They are in the wrong and they have no right to treat you poorly. April’s character would have also been a lot stronger if she didn’t kiss him. It could have been a really nice moment for both of them where they are able to acknowledge how much they mean to each other, even if it isn’t a romantic type of caring. But really the only way to fix ‘a foot too big’ is to never had written it in the first place. (The writers needed a gay best friend/ref)

Also let Donnie and Casey be friends. You wrote the relationship already why did you just abandon it? What was the point? April, Donnie, and Casey can all be friends and do stupid shit together. I think ‘chaos junky’ ‘fuck you I have a knife and super powers’ and ‘fuck you I built a nuclear missile because I was bored’ would be really funny. They’d burn down the goddamn world but nooooo.

And there’s other things about 2012 that I don’t like and that could have been great. The writers hyperfixate on Leo, which is most egregious in the second half of season 4. And I like 2012 Leo. He’s a good character. But there’s four to five other characters that are sidelined in favor of him and I wish it wasn’t like that. Raph and Leo both are well developed characters but they keep cycling through the same fucking argument. It’s been five fucking seasons of this why is Leo being the leader still a conflict? I wish Mikey was explored a bit more too. He doesn’t want to be leader and because everyone else does that makes him the most interesting turtle in the room. Hell he doesn’t have to really develop. He can be completely happy and fine with his position in life. Obviously he’d like human friends and he’s lonely, but he doesn’t mind where he currently is. He doesn’t want to be leader he doesn’t want to be someone different. He is content. Maybe the way his brothers act makes him feel sort of isolated. They watch shows together and play dnd and do a lot of activities together but the others also have other major interests. Raph and Leo both take training really seriously and Donnie spends a lot of time in his lab and just studying shit. Raph and Leo also fight a lot and Mikey spends a fair amount of time in Donnie’s lab because he likes spending time with his brother. Mikey spaces out a lot but he’s still observant. Maybe he gained a lot of secondary knowledge just by watching Donnie. He’s shown to have a lot of potential and is talented. He is good at fighting and improvising. Maybe he’s still really lonely despite being surrounded by family that loves him. Also he doesn’t need to be given love interests. It just feels like they are trying to fill a quota but Mikey seems completely ok with not being romantically involved with other people and out right stated that he wouldn’t ever have a crush on a girl. Which I guess is the writers trying to show his youth because the next scene is him falling in love with Renett. They can be friends, let them besties. Aromantic Mikey supremacy. His other romance with Shinigami goes nowhere and also she’s a lesbian and dating Kari. Leo also makes me happier when he is friends with Kari and Shinigami and not romantically involved with his sister >:(

And these things that i mentioned above for both Mikey and Donnie don’t need to be all encompassing. I think they could be potentially fun character arcs or just something to explore for the character. 2012 had five seasons they could have fleshed them out more. Mikey is constantly the butt of jokes and they constantly flip flop between him being incompetent (outside of dimension x) and him being just as capable as his brothers. Donnie has a fair amount of screen time but most of it is so hard to watch because of the whole crush thing. I hate it here.

I don’t know how to conclude my thoughts. It’s been a while since I actually watched all of tmnt 2012 so I don’t remember everything but I’ve been rewatching rise and I watched tottmnt so I’ve had turtles on my mind. 2012 writers are my worst enemies.

[yourlocalmerchgirl]

Is it ok if I call you mine? Part Three

Soft!Joel Miller x Neurodivergent/ anxious F!reader

Part 1 Part 2

Summary: Joel is falling for you as deeply and quickly as you are for him, both taken by surprise that the other actually feels the same way.

Soft! Joel miller x neurodivergent reader AU (outbreak never happens)

Warnings: soft Joel, concerned Joel, protective Joel, neurodivergent, audio overstimulation, anxiety. Best friend Tommy, falling in love. Acceptance, low self esteem.

A/N: Writing this story and connecting with all of you that it’s touched has been exactly what my heart needed! This will be the last installment of this story (at least for now) but I’ll be focusing on bringing you all more neurodivergent reader stories! Please let me how what you all think of the story conclusion for these two and if there’s character stories you’d like to see in the future

There’s not a lot of descriptors about reader other than eye color but they can easily be changed.

Song pairings for this arch:

Dave Matthews Band: Here On Out

In complete shock that Joel would even remotely share the same feelings as you, all you can do is nod your head as tears well in your eyes.

Joel runs his calloused hand along the side of your face before resting to cup your cheek.

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” He asks as he searches your eyes, wiping away the tears with the pad of his thumb.

“Nothing…I promise these are happy tears… I just I never thought you’d share the same feelings I do, I was honestly ready for the rejection.”

“You make me feel happier than I’ve felt in a very long time, more like myself than I have in a long time” Joel says and leans in to place a gentle kiss on your lips, his lips surprisingly soft.

You waste no time returning the kiss as your hand finds purchase in his hair.

Joel pulls away wrapping his arms around you and rolling back over onto his back pulling you into his chest. You both just lay there holding each other and just taking joy in each others presence. That is until your stomach growls so loud it makes you both bust out laughing.

“What do you say we get you some breakfast baby girl?”

“And coffee?” You giggle out

“You think I’m gonna give you breakfast with no coffee? What’do I look like a crazy person?” He chuckles, watching you as you sit up swinging your legs over the side of the bed.

“No I’m just making sure. You don’t want to see me without my coffee” you tease as you turn back to look at him, it’s the smile you give him that does it. Even while he’s still laying down, your smile makes him weak in the knees.

Joel sneaks up behind you as you’re mid stretch wrapping his arms around your torso, pulling you flush against his chest. A giggle bubbles out of you when his scruffy beard tickles your neck as he peppers you with kisses. He hums at the sound of it, he can’t believe this is real, that you feel the same way as him. The warmth of his body around yours is soothing.

“You make me so happy Baby Girl” he says looking at the two of you in his mirror.

“You make me so happy too Joel” you tilt your head back to look at him, unable to help the smile you have when ever you’re around him.

“I like you calling me baby girl” you say, smiling wider when you see the look in his eyes and the smile on his face at your comment.

You pad down the stairs a little bit ahead of him and catch a glimpse of Tommy in the living room as you reach the bottom.

“Tommy!”

“Hey Darlin!”

Joel watches as you hurry over to Tommy as you hit the floor, his heart swells at the love and care you have for him. He understands the bond you two share over your similar disorders understanding each other in away only the two of you could. Joel’s so happy to see his brother have someone like you for a friend.

“You alright? Did you get some rest? I was really worried about you”

“I was worried about you too Tommy, you didn’t have to put yourself out into the storm, I know the thunder isn’t your friend either”

“I wasnt gonna have the two of you out there alone, you two are the most important people in my lives. I couldn’t not be there for both of you.”

Tommy pulls you into one of his big bear hugs, as he squeezing you tightly you let out a little grunt.

“Jesus Tommy be easy with my girlfriend would ya?” Joel teases. You can’t help but smile hearing it out loud, a smile that Joel doesn’t miss.

“Shit sorry sweetheart didn’t mean too…

Oh…wait did you say girlfriend…are you two….shit are you two official?” Tommy asks whipping his head back and forth between you and Joel.

Tommy’s gaze settles on you as you’re smiling ear to ear.

“We are” you say nodding with a smile as you reach your hand out to Joel. Joel gabs your hand pulling you into him and settles his arm around your waist.

“Bout damn time” Tommy says laughing.

“But seriously I’m so happy for you two” as he throws his arms around you both.

When you get up to grab some more coffee you over hear Tommy and Joel talking.

“I’m gonna still go over to the house and do some things and make sure everything’s all good from the storm and I’ll be back before the Cowboys have there kick off for tonight’s game”

“Shit…you sure? I know you need help with the dry wall and installing some of the new sinks, I can help after work this week.”

“Take me with you guys” you pipe up from the edge of your coffee cup.

Joel and Tommy both turn to you shocked by your comment.

“What?”

“I don’t want you guys changing your plans because I’m here. If you need to go work on Tommy’s house, take me with you. There must me something I can help with? Painting? Cleaning?”

“Are you sure, you don’t have to do that?”

“Of corse I’m sure, I’m going to need to borrow some old clothes to wear though.”

Joel can’t help but light up when you enter the bedroom wearing the sweatpants and shirt he gave you. The sight of you wearing his clothes made his heart skip a beat.

“Those look way better on you than they’ve ever looked on me”

“Oh please that can’t be true, but they are cozy”

“Are you sure about this? I’m not trying to put you to work or anything.”

“Joel…I would feel extremely guilty if you didn’t help Tommy just because I was here, I want to go, I want to be helpful. Plus I also just want to spend time with you.” You turn to face him to find he’s already looking at you.

“You would come to work with me for the afternoon just because you wanted to spend time with me?” Joel says pointing at himself almost as if he didn’t believe the words coming out of his own mouth.

“I would, if you wanted me there, I’d be there everyday with you.”

Joel doesn’t say anything, he just looks at you in amazement. That’s when the panic starts to set in. Am I being to much? Was that to much to quickly. I’m being clingy. FUCK. I’m being clingy.

“Sorry! I shouldn’t of said that…I’m not trying to be weird” you say nervously when he continues to say nothing.

“You just keep amazing me more and more. Give yourself some credit sweetheart. I’d happily take you to work with me every damn day. You think I wouldn’t jump at the chance to spend time with you?”

————————————————————-

Tommy sets you up, having you doing some painting in the living room while him and Joel are working on some other projects.

You don’t see him but every once in a while Joel poked his head into the living room to see how you doing.

“Tommy! You wanna come help me lift the counter top with the sink” you hear Joel yell down the hallway

“Tommy!” Joel yells again, mumbling under his breath when Tommy doesn’t respond.

You look back to see Joel trying to lift the counter top himself.

Jesus.

“I can help you with that” you say as you hurry to your feet and over to him.

“You sure sweetheart? Thank you”

“Well I can’t have you hurting yourself on my watch” you say making you both chuckle.

“Plus Tommy’s music is loud enough to wake the head, he’s never going to hear you yelling”

The two of you lift the counter top up into the position.

“Thanks baby girl” Joel coos as he gives you a kiss.

“C-can you…uh can I watch you install it? I can hold the flash light for you.” You smile nervously, immediately worried about being in his way.

“You want to learn how to instal the sink and counter top?” Joel inquisitively asks tilting his head as he looks at you.

“Oh only if I won’t be in your way…never mind it’s ok I’ll just go back to painting”

“I would love t’show you bout what I do”

Joel hands you the flash light as you sit down on the floor together. As you guys lay there under the sink Joel is explaining every step and why each step is necessary. Your silence as he’s explaining makes him think for sure that your just humoring him, that you asked to learn about his work because you thought it’s what he wanted to hear but he couldn’t be further from the truth. When he turns his head to the side to look at you he sees just how intently your listening to him. You eyes are filled with happiness and interest. He loved how content you were, how much you truly enjoyed being on the job with him learning and asking questions when you wanted to understand things better. It’s in this moment Joel realizes how happy you make him, how completely in his element he is when he’s with you. That you completely except him for who he is, there’s no need for him to try to hide parts of himself to placate you.

“Well shit, ain’t the two of you just cute under there.”

“Oh Tommy shut up, someone had to help him when you didn’t, plus he was teaching me and I was enjoying it” you tease sitting up from under the sink. And that’s when you hear it, Joel’s laugh. His boisterous full belly laugh at your response that makes you melt. From that moment on it’s your goal to make Joel laugh like that more. Your pretty sure the sound of pure happiness in his laugh could cure any anxious feeling, any self doubt about how he feels towards you.

Joel is your person. Nobody in your life has ever made you feel more comfortable in your own skin like he has. The comfort that he makes you feel in his unwavering desire to make you feel seen and heard instead of expecting you to change yourself or to act more “normal”. Joel likes you for you and you like him for him. You hope your able to make him feel even a faction as happy as he makes you.

“Can we stop at the store on the way home?” you pip up from the back seat. Joel’s heart is bursting with happiness hearing you call his house home.

“Course we can sweetheart” he says smiling at you in the rear view mirror.

“I’m just going to run in real quick”

Joel jumps out of the truck to take the bags from you when he sees you juggling 2 full bags of groceries.

“What’s all this for sweetheart?” Joel chuckles as he takes the bags.

“I’m going to make dinner for the three of us” you say as you hop in the back seat.

“Really?”

“I heard you guys saying you wanted to watch the football game and you guys busted your asses today so I thought I’d make a family dinner for us all, nothing crazy” you explain, you can feel your eyes soften the longer Joel holds your gaze.

Joel tenderly pulls you into a kiss, before Tommy embarrasses you buy whistling loudly.

—————————————————————

Joel admires the way you’re moving about the kitchen singing along to the music. He watches you for a few moments, silently gushing over how comfortable and beautiful you look. You’re in the zone while your washing dishes that you don’t see or hear Joel coming until he’s embracing you from behind, his large hand splayed over your stomach pulling you against him. A giggle bubbles out of you as your head falls back on his shoulder. A smile so wide it reaches your eyes as Joel nuzzles into your neck resting his head on your shoulder.

“Dinner was delicious baby girl thank you s’much”

“You’re welcome, I’m so glad you guys liked it, I loved having a family meal. I put the left overs in the fridge”

“Y’don’t have to hide in here, come watch the game with us”

“I’ll be in in like 10 minutes, I just wanted to finish cleaning up so we can go upstairs and relax after the game”

Your upstairs curled up in bed flipping through the channels when Joel gets out of the shower. He pauses in the doorway at the sight. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to the sight of you in his bed. It makes his heart beat a little after thinking about how badly he wants you to be what he sees every night before he goes to bed,how he just wants to hold you in his arms until you fall asleep.

You notice him out of the corner of you eye and turn to him.

“Did you have a nice shower babe?”

“I’did but it’s even nicer now that I’mma bout to crawl in bed with you.”

“I found a movie to watch, want to watch it til we fall sleep?”

“I’ll do anything as long as I get to be next to you”

“Come here” you say pulling back the blankets, your arms out stretched.

Joel climbs in bed and wastes no time curling into you, wrapping his arm around your torso, placing his head on your chest in the place right above your heart. The warmth and weight of him setting every last nerve in your body ablaze. It didn’t take long for you both to fall asleep like that, two people who spent most their lives feeling unwanted and unloveable being embraced now by the person they loved most in this world.

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