#but if it's not any of them. there are 2 others listed: tangent and a faceless

[exoshroommie]

THEY'RE OUT!

socks the dillypillar and a hopeye are now available as plushies :)

here they are

they're both already about 10% funded and are the same price as previous ones

you can buy them until 22 days from now!! they ship december 14th this year

[aliciavance4228]

The Iliad: Funny Moments

The year was 850-750 BCE. No phones or underwear in sight. Pants were for the uncivilized only. Unibrows were attractive. And then, one day, Homer decides to write the first Greek Mythology Fanfiction ever, called "Troy Story".

Here is a list of moments from the Iliad which I personally consider to be quite hilarious:

1. Early on in Book 2, before the enormous list of Greek fighters and ships:

Agamemnon tries to motivate/test the army by claiming that he's given up and they're going home. This backfires, as a stampede for the ships ensues.

In response, Athena comes down and gives Odysseus a pep talk. He promptly and unceremoniously takes Agamemnon's scepter out of his hands and runs around brow-beating and occasionally actually beating men who were turning from the fight. It all comes to a head when he takes the scepter and beats the crap out of the Argives' resident disfigured hunchback who was doing nothing but making jokes at the Argive leaders' expense. In fact, the narrative itself stops and mentions that the scene was so hilarious, the soldiers in-story were laughing raucously.

Within Agamemnon's speech, his roundabout method of explaining how badly the Greeks outnumber the Trojans: let's say they have a truce, and each side takes a census, and each group of ten Greek soldiers gets one (male) resident of Troy to pour their wine. "There would be many tens of men lacking a pourer of wine."

2. At one point early in the story Paris steps out among the Trojan soldiers, described as looking like a god, and dares any Greek soldier to come up and face him in battle. Menelaus steps forward to answer the call—and Paris promptly flees back behind his soldiers.

3.Menelaus beating Paris up with his bare hands, while the latter still has his sword. The dramatic way in which it's written makes it a tad more serious, until you remember that Menelaus is choking Paris with the strap of his own hat.

4. Throughout the book, the Greeks continuously throw spears at Hector, but Apollo just deflects them into his charioteer instead, before Hector just picks up another random guy off the battlefield. This happens numerous times throughout the book that it's almost a running gag.

5. The Greeks send an embassy to beg Achilles to come join the fighting again. At first he receives them in friendship, but when he's heard them out, he has Patroclus start passive-aggressively preparing a bed for the only member of the embassy he's invited to spend the night, to signal to the others it's time for them to leave. Thus proving that "it was so nice to see you, but wow, look at the time, we should be getting to bed!" is a tactic Older Than Dirt.

6. When Hera seduces Zeus to distract him, he describes how attractive she is by comparing her with some of the other women he's slept with. It takes about 20 lines in the original Greek.

7. During the battle between the men and gods, Artemis squares up with Hera after her brother decides against fighting Poseidon. You'd think Artemis, the epic huntress and receiver of human sacrifice she is, armed with a powerful bow and fitting the Action Girl trope to a tee would utterly wreck the seemingly frilly, stuck up, less capable Hera. Hera instead chastises Artemis for being a brat biting off way more than she can chew, gives her a verbal tongue lashing before snatching Artemis's bow away before she can get a shot off to give her a lashing with that. Artemis gets wailed on so badly she literally is sent running away crying home to her daddy Zeus.

8. One tangent mentions Hades making a grand entrance at Pylos, only to be immediately shot with one of Heracles' arrows, forcing him to abandon the fight and flee to Olympus to heal. Later, Poseidon makes an earthquake so strong Hades jumps out of his chair in fear that the Underworld will be exposed due to the quake.

9. Early on in the epic, King Priam calls to Helen to explain to him who is leading the Greek army - Agamemnon, Odysseus, Menelaus, etc - because Priam doesn't know who they are. The Greeks have been at war with his kingdom for nine years before this point. One would imagine who had such a role would be at the forefront of his thoughts or that he would at least bother to remember their names, especially since a Pre-Iliad episode had Odysseus and Menelaus before him arguing that Helen be returned.

10. After a long discussion of their ancestries, Glaucus and Diomedes shake hands and exchange armor as a pledge of Sacred Hospitality. The narrator notes that Glaucus got ripped off, because his armor was worth over ten times as much.

11. A wounded Sarpedon thinks he's about to die and begins giving Hector a Bury Me Not on the Lone Prairie speech. Hector, who he'd been arguing with several verses back, runs right past him without answering.

12. The standard heroic epithets being used at incongruous times. Godlike Paris hiding from Menelaus, godlike and enduring Odysseus running away while Diomedes yells at him to come back, Menelaus being called "beloved of Ares" while Ares is trying to get him killed, glorious Ajax the Lesser taking a spill face-first into ox dung...

13. Menelaus is shot and wounded. Agamemnon immediately begins mourning his brother and gets through a whole speech before Menelaus can get a word in edgewise to explain that he's still alive.

Credits: TV Tropes

[tin-wufborf]

Tin's Favorite Sterek Fics (Part 19)

Hello, and welcome to part fucking 19 of Tin's Favorite Sterek Fics. Good lord, how the hell have I gotten to 19 of these?? I cannot believe!!!

As always, thank you all so much for all of the love you continue to show this little series of mine. I never really expected any of these posts to get more than a passing notice from anyone, so to see that so many of you have liked and shared this series is honestly kind of mind boggling but also pretty cool. Because I just want everyone to read these stories, ya know? Like, I really love all of these fics that I'm recommending. I wasn't lying or exaggerating when I said that I re-read these fics all the time. I love these stories, and I want others to love them too.

I won't go on some of the crazy tangents that I do IRL, but I fucking love fan fiction. I truly believe that a good chunk of the world's more trivial issues could be solved by people simply getting into the right kind of fanfic for them. Because there's really something out there for everyone so long as you're willing to look for it, and I just think that is the coolest thing, you guys. It's just the bees knees. So to be able to share these lists of my favorite Sterek fics has been such a fun and fulfilling endeavor, and I am glad to have been able to share it with you all.

Okay, enough sap from me! I have admittedly imbibed a bit before writing this up, so I am a little bit in my head right now as well as in my feelings.

I hope you're all having as good a day as you can, if not a great one.

Smoochies and squeezies!

List and links to previous/next part(s) below the cut.

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DISCLAIMER: This is me warning you all that some of the fics I've included in this list may cover explicit, dark, and/or "taboo" subject matters. I cannot express enough how little I care what anyone thinks about any of that; all I want is for you to use caution when reading anything I've listed here and to please review and heed whatever tags the authors have provided in order to keep yourselves safe. Your experience from this point on is your own responsibility, not mine and not the authors'.

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Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20

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Family Day by klutzy_girl (T | 1/1 | 2,447)

Derek and Stiles spend the day with Stiles' (and Scott's) younger sister and come to a few realizations.

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You aren't broken by GreyHaven (G | 1/1 | 4,339)

Derek doesn’t understand sex. Well, no, that makes him sound innocent and sheltered and he isn’t either of those things.

But he doesn’t understand the appeal of sex.

The one in which Derek thinks he's broken and tries to break up with Stiles. Stiles doesn't let him and insists on an open conversation which leads to Derek realising he's not broken, he's asexual. But can Stiles accept that?

(Spoiler alert: of course he can.)

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and the wild things roared their terrible roar by hoars (E | 1/1 | 4,905)

Derek as Khal Drogo (but set in snow beyond the wall) and Stiles as Daenerys Stormborn (although he's a greenseer of the Children rather than a dragon).

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Show Me Your Igloo and I'll Show You Mine by DiscontentedWinter (E | 1/1 | 4,943)

Stiles is finally going to meet the online friend he's had for years.

Instead, the hottest guy in the world walks in.

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that boy is a monster series by hoars (3 works | NR-M | 6,840)

1. monsters steal me away (M | 1/1 | 1,720) There’s a monster in the forest that has taught Stiles to lie and to love. 2. no secret stays secret (NR | 1/1 | 2,558) John follows Stiles into the woods one night. 3. my ghosts approve (NR | 1/1 | 2,562) (optional) Derek loves all his past loves because they all taught him how to love Stiles best.

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Run Wild and Free by greenleaf (T | 1/1 | 6,991)

Derek is a police officer, just recently moved to Beacon Hills, and possibly nursing a crush on the really hot, really powerful doctor with the twin sons.

(Or a story that was almost titled, 'I'm Quite Fawn'd of You, My Deer' but I stopped myself and I don't know why.)

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Do It For The Vine by crossroadswrite (G | 1/1 | 7,108)

“Tammy,” he calls her to attention and his baby daughter turns her sweet hazel eyes to him. “Do you want to go to the skate park tomorrow?”

Autumn gasps and twists until her bony knees are digging into his thighs.

“Daddy,” she says very seriously, placing both hands on his cheeks and looking him in the eye. “Don’t play with my emotions, daddy.” . (OR: in which Derek's daughter gets a skateboard and a cute guy teaching her tricks and Derek just gets the cute guy.)

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The Jackass in the Camaro by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella) (G | 1/1 | 7,237)

To the guy I splashed with water on First and Crown on Thursday, February 27th around seven at night: I am an a**hole. I’m sorry. I was being an impatient driver, and I just wanted to get home, and I cut off the bus to get there faster. I didn’t mean to soak you with rainwater, and I am truly sorry for doing so. That was a total d*ck move of me. With regrets, The Jackass in the Camaro.

Stiles had to re-read the notice four times before he honestly believed he was seeing it with his own two eyes. He’d gotten splashed by rainwater on First and Crown on Thursday around seven while waiting at a bus stop because of an impatient Camaro driver cutting off a bus.

Like, that was actually a thing that had happened. This was a real thing.

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The Plan for Healthy Eating in the Stilinski-Hale Household by inhystereks (G | 1/1 | 8,100)

Melanie burst into tears, screaming about how she didn’t want their daddy to die while Greg tried to comfort her, sending his own anxious glances Stiles’ way. Elena grilled Addie and Clary about whether they knew for sure. The twins started listing examples from their textbook. Ian turned to Derek asking if food could really hurt humans while Kevin turned to Stiles and begged him not to kill himself by eating too many curly fries.

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children of the bad revolution by hoars (NR | 1/1 | 9,506)

Far away and long ago, the only companion Derek has, the only friend and enemy he's known since he was young, is the chain.

Then Stiles happens.

Then the crows.

Then the end of the world.

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to build a home by elisela (T | 1/1 | 13,021)

“You realize you’re at least ten grand over budget on Stiles’ house, don’t you,” Allison says, and he’s not entirely sure if it’s a question or not. “You better hope this works out because we can’t afford to build an entire house for everyone you want to date.”

He doesn’t bother denying it. “I’m going to do a lot of the demo and installation myself,” he says, leaning over her to cross off some of the numbers she’d written down. “It’ll work out.”

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A Crooked Way to Fly by andavs (G | 1/1 | 14,980)

“We can’t just leave him here to die.”

“He’s an emissary, Scott.” Derek tried to make his tone empathetic, but Scott’s tendency to fight back on everything always grated on his nerves. “His pack is gone, he won’t survive more than a day or two either way.”

“Then we should stay with him.”

Derek sighed as he studied the man for a moment; he was too pale against the fur rim of his hood, almost grey from lying out in the snow, and his cloak was stained with dark dried blood around a protruding arrow shaft. It was unlikely he would even last the night. They would probably be able to carry on in the morning with little time lost, if any.

It wasn’t a horrible idea, Derek decided reluctantly. They hadn’t been able to set up a real camp for a few weeks in the open foothills, and they were all on edge from sleeping in exposed areas. A defensible place to sleep would be good for them, even if they were surrounded by death. They would be able to give the pack proper burials, at the very least.

“Fine. One night,” Derek relented, already moving away to check on Isaac. “He’s your responsibility.”

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This Kind of Luxe by sugarybowl, weathervaanes, wishingonalightningbolt (E | 1/1 | 15,113)

As they have for almost every US President since the 1910s, the Prime Minister and the royal head of their country pay a visit to the United States after inauguration. Which is why, when President Jonathan Stilinski is elected into office, Queen Talia Hale of Norland plans their trip.

-0-

Prince Derek and First Son Stiles. Gooey, ridiculous romance ensues.

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Good for you by lilysaid (E | 1/1 | 16,768)

Completely by chance, I saw a "human boyfriend for werewolf roleplay" ASMR video on YouTube and thought 1. Stiles would totally do something as reckless as making an ASMR channel for werewolves 2. He would be really good at it and 3. It would definitely blow up in his face.

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No Other Love by Idday (T | 1/1 | 18,745)

And maybe it’s irony, or the universe at work, or maybe it’s just Derek Hale’s shitty luck, but that’s when, at that exact moment (as Stiles will swear later), there’s a knock on the door. “Laura?” Derek breathes in disbelief, and Stiles feels his own face fall into confused slackness. Because the girl standing in the doorway? The last time Stiles had seen her—or, well, half of her—she’d been very naked, and very, very dead. “Hey, baby bro,” she says with a grin. ... OR: The one where Laura comes back from the dead, and it turns out to be bad for Stiles, because he’s suddenly spending a lot of quality time with one of the coolest people he’s ever met, and her brother. The guy that he might be just a little in love with. He's not okay.

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Nothing Short Of Perfect by GotTheSilver (E | 1/1 | 27,019)

In which Derek and Stiles are made aware of their potential and have to make a choice about what their relationship will be.

“Let me get this straight,” his dad says. “You’re telling me a witch told Derek and yourself that you could be destined to be together and now Derek will be going to college with you?”

Stiles shrugs, resting his hands on his legs to stop himself from fidgeting. “That’s about it, yep.”

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The Weight of an Enchanted Heart by PalenDrome (nerdherderette), 1jet2unknown (E | 1/1 | 31,590)

Marriage to the shape-shifting Alpha King of Lunansholt wasn't on Stiles' bingo card. His magic had other plans.

[excerpt]: Stiles entered Derek’s chambers, slamming the door behind him. “What did you do with my things?”

“These things?” Derek asked, waving his hand with an arched brow.

Stiles gaped when he saw his books lined neatly on Derek’s shelves. His trunk was in the corner, many of his clothes were visible in the partly open wardrobe, and the cloak he’d brought from home hung neatly on a hook.

“It would have been nice if you asked first.” A quick sweep around the room found only one bed. “Where am I supposed to sleep?” he asked, frowning.

“We are married now, Stiles,” Derek said after a moment. “We sleep together.”

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No Mercy by Gia279 (M | 24/24 | 24,743)

The story of the Boy King was this: when he was sixteen, the Stilinski kingdom was at war with the Novak kingdom. King John was on the front lines with his soldiers when his teenage heir came to check in with him. The king was struck down in a nighttime attack, in front of the boy. The boy took up the king’s dropped sword, mounted his war steed, and slaughtered the enemy forces.

When the remaining soldiers surrendered, he cut them down with his father’s sword and returned home a boy king with a bloodstained reputation.

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Salty Sweet by secondstar (E | 11/11 | 46,478)

Derek works at a porn store. One day, Stiles comes in asking all sorts of TMI questions about different toys. That's where it all starts.

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Call Me (Cliché) by orphan_account (M | 18/18 | 84,649)

When the sheriff's sister ends up in a wheelchair for the duration of summer, Stiles' dreams of three months full of pack bonding, late-night video games and bro-time with Scott come crashing down. He's temporarily relocated to Redford, a three hour drive away, and he can already tell he won't be getting many visitors.

Sure the pack will forget about him while he's gone, Stiles is determined to make the most of his summer of isolation, training his body and mind - and his magic - so he can come back with a bang, and maybe catch a certain Sourwolf's eye.

Then Derek shows up at his window one night with a flimsy excuse about needing research done. Suddenly, his summer away is looking a whole lot more interesting.

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[beemovieerotica]

trying to find like 1 buddhist temple near me to go to and braved reddit to find commentary on different sects and it's such a cesspool of both completely unaware hypocrisy and "all religion bad" shit.

the way americans talk about modern buddhism is like "it's such a cult...they require membership dues...and they get political sometimes...and the leaders are really charismatic speakers" as if. as if every community center doesn't have rent to pay. and makes commentary on society at large. and the people they choose to speak are probably good speakers. every christian church in america also does all these things. like if these are the requirements for a cult then every religion also does this and so of course the other half of the reddit comments go "and THIS is why all religions are cults!!"

I feel like I have a pretty good radar for cult behavior after matrix bullet dodging at least 2 in college and these people online are specifically talking about the sect my grandparents & extended family are in. and it's weird because the complaints are primarily philosophical in nature, like "they communicate with the spirit realm!!" and idk how to emphasize to people that it doesn't strictly matter how weird you think a belief system is, that's not what makes something a cult. it's whether or not the cult subsumes the person's life, isolates them from non-participants, forces an emotional dependency, deifies and makes unimpeachable a still-living leader, and/or requires an ever-escalating financial stake. the average evangelical church ticks off most boxes in this list, the temples they're talking about don't do any of these things, they have esoteric takes that at best will get an eyebrow raise in conversation.

like it's not terribly surprising that american ex-christians are put off by the idea of people connecting with their ancestors and deceased loved ones because of its contradiction with both atheism and the christian afterlife - and I wouldn't lump it in with spirit medium grifters since people are literally not being paid for this service. it's just really odd sifting through all of the commentary because I absolutely agree that any religious group can turn into a cult, I don't think buddhism is immune to that at all, I don't think any belief system is at its core immune to becoming an isolating force in someone's life - but it's just wild seeing these sects being but through a Good Religion purity test that no christian church would pass just based on the surface level strangeness of their beliefs versus the actual identifiers of what a cult looks like.

but anyway that's a long tangent. the temple that I'm looking at is not part of that sect but a different one, it's the only one within reasonable driving distance with an up-to-date calendar of events and responsive staff, and I'm feeling very cunty right now and I'm seeing that is has had concerns raised about it in the past of being "too political" "too fast-growing" "too aggressive in recruiting" and I simply love placing myself in circumstances and then telling everyone about the drama I find. that is worth jotting down. I'm going to record all my experiences and report back, and if I do end up in a cult, y'all will be the first to know - and if it's an unremarkable place with a normal staff, you will also know. I would preemptively rate my cult susceptibility a 3 out of 10 - but looking at this temple I'm going to say it's a 2 out of 10 because everyone there is white and I'm put off by overly-enthusiastic white people.

[orangeshipper]

The thing is, with Dunnett. Her characters are SO GOOD.

(oops this got really long)

I have always, since childhood, let my imagination play with characters and stories. The what-ifs, the missing scenes, the unwritten epilogues. (Hello, fanfiction!)

And the Lymond Chronicles, particularly Checkmate, have SO MUCH scope for it. (Ok I'm having a weird tangent on myself here, forgive me).. I mean, Checkmate is the highest kind of melodrama. It's ridiculous and magnificent. On first read, I thought in all honesty that it was a Bit Much. I wanted to smack Francis and Philippa upside the head and re-imagine any and every one of their encounters to get them over themselves and get together. All those moments where they came so agonisingly, tantalisingly close and then got in their own way. Like I said, a total DREAM for re-imagining and fanfic. The chase in Lyon, the carriage on the way to the Triumph of Calais, the disaster afterwards at the Sejour du Roi, the bedroom after the betrothal/commissioners banquet, the library, Sevigny... Every one where I'm internally begging them to just SAY IT and LISTEN TO EACH OTHER and STOP BEING IDIOTS. On first read, it began to feel like drama for the sake of drama.

But. I have tried to re-imagine every one of those scenes, and more in-between, and... it doesn't work. Their characters with their internal beliefs and moral codes and principles and history are so strong, so vivid, so compelling, that I actually cannot get them together without breaking character. Dorothy knew what the hell she was doing. And actually, when I do let the flighty fanfiction brain take over and just get them together anyway for the fun of it, it's so... unsatisfying?? Because the depth of connection and love that they have by the end, after Sevigny, after everything, is so much richer for all they've been through.

She knew her characters, and she committed, and I am in awe.

Side note: Her character game is so strong that I have violent levels of affection for even the most minor of characters, who are individual and vivid and brilliant. I won't list because I would literally list every character in the series.

Side note 2: I cannot express enough my love for how she takes common fanfic tropes and just turns them on their head. (Oh no, only one bed and we must share a room! Marriage of convenience! etc etc, BUT NO, PAIN.) And just, THANK YOU DOROTHY for writing us the gifts of Will, Gabriel and Jerrott. Slash isn't generally my thing, even, but I am SO entertained by everything she does with them. Will at The Ostrich, just EVERYTHING Gabriel does, Jerrott being so furiously and obliviously in love with Francis... just, magnificent. All of it.

[lovelyrotter]

okay but i actually kinda wanna know ur take on stridercest being canon compliant O_O <- autism stare

oh hey i am also hitting you with the autism stare. ill try to get my thoughts down in a way that makes sense to more than just me hahaha

bear in mind that im an epilogue lover and i think Meat/Candy are really valuable pieces that further all of the characters and are also hard canon in the sense that we're looking at just 2 post-game universe outcomes out of an uncountable number (the book in the picnic basket representing post-canon fanfic). i think the characters actions in the epilogues make sense and are satisfying to me. yes even jane (i love alpha jane and i will not do her the disservice of 'cleaning her up' w/o showing her work for it. thats not how you depict a character who grew up with fascist programming). i could totally go on a whole tangent about this specifically but thats another post lol we'd be here forever and its also not stridercest

but okay. canon stridercest. under the cut cause it got kinda long

basically it has to do with the cherubs and how their relationships and mating rituals are pretty obviously incestuous leaning even though cherubs dont have the human concept of Siblings or blood family. the cherub who predominates will search across paradox space to mate with another cherub who closely resembles the cherub they predominated which is like textbook Freudian sexuality. theres a lot of Freud and Jungian stuff in HS imo even if im kinda [wobbly hand gesture] at the validity of these theories applied to real life and real people. but theyre super fun tools and lenses to use in fiction and i mean. gestures at all of dave

so the incest aliens cherubs. the whole reason why im talkin about them is bc Caliborn is so incredibly interested and invested in the Striders in particular. caliborn as both Lord English and Lil Cal shapes earth NOT OVERTLY but more so embeds himself in earth society, but again, the Striders lives in particular. dave is full of incest jokes. hes even apparently got a list of his friends arranged in order of how likely theyd incest-elope with each other (thank you epilogues for this amazing factoid). he seems to think about it often enough to, yknow, Do That. have a good solid think about that and construct an organized list about it. bearing in mind dave makes jokes about stuff thats a) bothering him, or b) generally camping out in his brain. hes not even really aware of it most of the time (as we see in one of the openbounds where hes all 'why am i thinking about puppets???' after seeing dirk for the first time in that dream bubble. he is thinking nonstop about dirk at that point and going off his only frame of reference for ANY dirk, which is his bro. his bro who was most likely deeply warped by Lil Cal)

sorry for the long blocky paragraph lol. but now onto the next thing

Caliborn as Lil Cal is the centerpiece in the beta strider apartment. dave cant escape him and beta dirk grew up with him. what the fuck do you do when youre childhood comfort item is also the most evil creature across all of paradox space? if youre a dirk you try to fight it. but how long can you keep fighting something like that. its safe to say that bro was affected by Caliborns particular brand of perversion and sfw kink. i dont think i have to say how insidious abusive and toxic he is about those things. and looking at the truth of beta bro (16yo alpha dirk) you can start to see just how warped beta bro became. beta bro is a false dirk (still a very Real dirk but not the Truth of dirk. beta bro has been toxified and made infinitely worse by an absolute evil influence over decades of life. in 80s fuckin texas. presumably in the system. anyone would be fucked up after that)

so for this analysis/theory im stating beta bro as a false persona. using jungian terms he is apha dirk's shadow

both dave and dirk live with a fake, carefully manicured version of their bros. they live with personas (or shadows of their guardians on the walls. hello platos allegory of the cave). they dont actually know e/o and they dont until the striunion

alpha dirk especially grows up embedded in the Public Persona Of Dave Strider 400 years post mortem and completely alone with unlimited internet access. hes a self admitted expert on his bro and we dont get to see a lot if any of his early childhood but i can hazard a guess at how much he clung to that persona of his bro. he fuckin idolizes dave. he LOVES dave. right off the bat he is in some kind of love with dave and i think if you try to argue against that then thats you slippin. i think youre a fool and have to reread homestuck because i wholeheartedly believe the striders loving eachother is part of the win state

once again this is speculation cause we get barely anything about alpha dave, but from what we already know about him im guessing this bro-persona is

achingly effortlessly cool

oozing masculinity (toxic or not, not really interested in categorizing that although toxic coolboy masculinity IS something the striders contend with & is an important facet in their lives)

a skilled fighter

a dedicated moviegoer (hes a director need i say more. this one is probably the only genuine thing about his on-screen persona)

and now lets look at jake. someone whos grown up on pretty much nothing but movies, whos doubtlessly been influenced by hollywood and its idea of gritty 'main character' masculinity through that, and who also clings to more old-school ideas of manliness (think victorian/edwardian era gentlemanly-but-loves-a-good-scrum kinda manly. moustache twirly with a monocle kinda manly. basically everything that grandpa harley is)

but okay lets look at what jake wants to be. lets take a look at his teenager persona

achingly effortlessly cool (his own 'hollywood star' kind of cool also def influenced by his favourite characters like lara croft who is indeed achingly cool. you see him succeed in inhabiting this hollywood star persona on earth c)

oozing masculinity (the old school manly mans-man kind)

a skilled fighter (two pistoles always. harder to aim cause you cant use a free hand to make up for kickback. that takes skill)

a dedicated moviegoer (again one of the only genuine parts about his persona. his questionable-to-wretched tastes aside. but bearing in mind that the SBaHJ movies are intentionally bad which is what makes them loop around to good. such is the nature of intentionally 'bad' art. jake fuckin lives in this perpetual bad-good art loop. okay enough with the art tangent keep focused man cmon)

because dirk has obviously way more contact with jake i dont doubt he sees through jakes own (admittedly way more flimsy) coolboy persona but the point still stands i think. different flavours but the same kinda guy. dirk has a type and i dont think its a stretch to say that hes looking for aspects of the bro-persona he grew up looking at in other boys, much like the winning cherub looking for the one they lost in the cherub theyll mate with

also wtf is with dirks obvious boner for dave chasing him across paradox space to decapitate him huh?? the last few sentences in Meat are about that very thing. he wants to fuc fight dave sooo bad. haha remember how the cherubic mating ritual is one of the most violent and long running spectacles in paradox space? i sure do

[the-magiarcheologist]

Theios Aner, or Ancient Magic in Antiquity

Sometimes I get really curious about the sources the writers for HL used to get inspiration for Hogwarts Legacy and Ancient Magic.

For instance, I was doing some research into magical practice in ancient civilisations to see if we can find traces of some of the very first known wizards for the HP universe and I stumbled upon about a group of people in ancient Greece called ‘theios aner’ (θεῖος ἀνήρ) which is translated to ‘divine men’. The definition for these theios aner given by Wikipedia is:

Person connected to the gods, which grants them the ability to perform miracles and supernatural events.

And, think about it!, if we just replace "the gods" in that sentence with "ancient magic" we get a description that fits our MC and the abilities they get from their strange connection to AM. So I started to wonder: are the theios aner some of the very first known ancient magic wielders?

One of the earliest exemple of one of these ‘divine men’ is Pythagoras of Samos, born 570 BCE. Many miracles have been attributed to him, including:

Being seen in two different cities (Metapontum in Italy and Tauromenium in Sicily) on the same day, conversing with friends

Having tamed a savage bear by the power of his voice alone and converting it to vegetarianism

Stopping an ox from eating beans

A white eagle coming down onto his shoulder so Pythagoras could pet it

Biting a venomous snake to death

The river Caicasus calling to him "Hail, Pythagoras!" as he was passing over it with some friends

Having a thigh made of gold

Predicting that a dead man would be found on a ship entering the harbour

(Some sources for this: 1, 2)

What struck when reading this list of ‘miracles’ is that, if we try to explain each of these by a magical discipline we know from the Wizarding World we get:

Time-travel (being present in two cities at the same time)

Care of Magical Creatures or, generally, an ability to communicate with animals (taming the bear, the ox and the eagle)

Divination (predicting the dead man)

Transfiguration (thigh made of gold and probably also biting a venomous snake to death by using self-transfiguration to change his mouth to something able to kill the snake and be immune to the venom)

(The only one difficult to explain is the one about the river calling ‘Hi!’ to him 😂. Although if we stretch it, it could also be some advanced transfiguration that changes the river into something capable of speech.)

And if we consider these 4 disciplines, we realise that they correspond exactly to the specialised skills of the four Keepers: Niamh Fitzgerald being a time-traveler (I explained here why I think that!), San Bakar teaching Care of Magical Creatures and his trial being about taming a magical creature, Percival Rackham being a seer and Charles Rookwood teaching transfiguration.

Cue the famous meme!

I’ve always found Bakar’s ability and his trial to be very random after the sophisticated dungeons we had to go through for the other Keepers, but if we consider that the writers of HL took inspiration from the the ancient theois aner as the originals wielders of Ancient Magic and that the 4 disciplines highlighted are at the core of the abilities granted to a wizard by Ancient Magic, then suddenly his trial makes sense!

[And, if you would allow me a completely crazy tangent here!, I just realized that the only 3 ‘special abilities’ we know of in the Wizarding world, i.e. Metamorphmagi, true Seers and Parselmouths, just happen to correspond to 3 of the 4 Ancient Magic disciplines! And for the metamorphmagi and parselmouths, it’s not just any type of transfiguration ability or ability to care for animals, it’s specifically self-transfiguration and an ability to talk to animals, which are exactly what Pythagoras was known to be able to do! Is that a coincidence?🤯😵 Could we imagine that over time some of the ‘Ancient Magic abilities’ got passed down into the blood of ‘regular’ wizards to become rare inheritable traits? The exception here being time-travel since we don’t know of anyone having a natural ability to time-travel. But time-travel could be an exception since I don’t think Niamh Fitzgerald herself is able to time-travel, she still uses an old version of a time-turner that she wears around her neck, but maybe she has a special ability that makes her immune to the effects of time-travel (we see these ageing effects with Prof Hecat)? And since in 1899 time-travel becomes heavily restricted, anyone having special time-travel abilities would not even know it! Anyway, food for though! And now back to our regularly scheduled programming!]

And the parallels don’t stop there! I’m basing myself here mostly on the Wikipedia page for Magic in the Greco-Roman world since I haven’t had time to do extensive research on the lives each of the other known theois aner. But the amount of parallels between the game and the Wikipedia article is still interesting if we try to find possible sources of inspiration for the HL writers who may have read the same article.

Empedocles was also considered one of the theios aner and he followed Pythagoras' philosophy. Here’s what the Wikipedia article says about him:

Empedocles (c. 490 – c. 430 BCE) too has ascribed to him marvelous powers associated with later magicians: that is, he is able to heal the sick, rejuvenate the old, influence the weather and summon the dead. […] It is important to note that after Empedocles, the scale of magical gifts in exceptional individuals shrinks in the literature, becoming specialized. Individuals might have the gift of healing, or the gift of prophecy, but are not usually credited with a wide range of supernatural powers as are magoi like Orpheus, Pythagoras and Empedocles.

And does that not remind you of someone? Someone who wanted to heal the sick and after whose death the practice of Ancient Magic was significantly changed to become much more restricted, with very few even knowing what Ancient Magic even is?

I don’t know if I’m the only one but the story of Pythagoras and Empedocles (as it is presented in the wikipedia article at least) reminds me of Isidora and the Keepers. Some ‘dark magic’ practices are attributed to Empedocles (summoning the dead), like the ‘dark magic’ practices of Isidora who siphons emotions out of people, and after their death some aspect of the practice of Ancient Magic is lost, with either Ancient Magic wielders (or theios aner) becoming way less powerful or the Keepers locking Ancient Magic away permanently.

If we accept that the ancient theios aner have indeed been used as inspiration for the Ancient Magic wielders, it could be a sort of ‘history repeating itself’ scenario where at several points of history some theios aner abused their tremendous power to do some things considered unnatural or dangerous (summoning the dead, taking away people’s pain) and when that happened other theios aner (perhaps organised into a secret Society for Ancient Magic?) stepped in and placed regulations and restrictions on the use of Ancient Magic, such as dividing the foundational ‘Ancient Magic Powers’ (i.e. time-travel, divination, transfiguration and a connection to animals) among four different Ancient Magic users and not permitting anyone to wield all four together, or, in the Keepers’ time, hiding Ancient Magic away altogether and not permitting anyone to learn it anymore.

[ss-shitstorm]

Hey I know you’ve probably already been asked this but what type of chemistry do you use for breaking bread like biochem and where did you learn this or have any book recommendations to pick it up? Also ty in advance I love your writing!!💕💕

oh my fucking god. oh my god. buddy. buddy you have made my fucking LIFE ASKING THIS OH GOD

So like, most of the chemistry I've used so far has just been Genchem and O Chem(with a wee few modifications to make it believable as a Cybertronian discipline, like Transformium being able to hold 4 bonds like Carbon but preferentially forming bonds w metals and needing an EMP pulse to interact w more electronegative atoms) I may wind up needing to get into a bit of Inorganic chemistry, but that's probably fewer and further in between. If you want a better handle on the stuff I'm writing or if you just want to learn more in general, then I'd recommend giving yourself a lil crash course in Genchem and then delving into O chem a bit more extensively (protip : you need WAY less Genchem then you'd think to fully understand O chem. God I wish someone had told me this 5 years ago. If you search "Genchem for non majors", you'll probably learn enough that way.)

THAT SAID : here's a chaotic, not really in any order list of the books/youtube channels/etc that I've directly used/am using for this fic.

Books :

Caveman Chemistry, Kevin R Dunn - Alot of hands-on old timey historical chemistry lessons w detailed instructions on how to complete them.(YOU GET TO MAKE YOUR OWN ASPIRIN AND DRAIN CLEANER!) Delivered with a delightfully occult bend.

Back To basics,(Reader's Digest) - Survivalist homesteading bible. Not strictly chemistry but has alot of earthy hippy ways of generating energy( biofuels my beloved)

An Introduction to Fire Dynamics, Dougal Drysdale - Honestly this, and any other firefighting manuals are worth their weight in gold for figuring out how to not set yourself and your neighborhood on fire while playing with, well, fire. Trying to look this info up online is like playing russian roulette with intentional misinformation and your fbi guy.

(there's another book I have that's even more detailed but I can't find it right now or remember the name. I'll update this list when I can!)

Organic Chemistry, John Mcmurray 8th edition : generic but good college O chem textbook. You can search around and find free versions to download relatively easily.

The Organic Chem Lab Survival Manual, James W Zubrick - Also a very good way to learn how to not set yourself and your neighborhood on fire when playing with glassware/gases. Very in-depth instructions on setting up and using lab equipment without breaking anything or your brain. Has a fuckton of pictures. Author has a massive sense of humor and makes this heavy subject easy to read. Again, easy to download/find in archives

Unfortunately I do not have any recommendations for Genchem books. I mostly used free online courses like Khan Academy to learn what I did.(I would def. recommend them though)

Youtube Channels :

The Organic Chemistry Tutor : Dude puts everything from reaction mechanisms to retrosynth problems down in the simplest possible terms. Does not beat around the bush with euphemisms or stories, gets right to business. If you have trouble paying attention, or lose your mind when a professor goes off on a tangent, this man is your savior. I have crippling unmedicated ADHD and no STEM background whatesoever and this man still managed to teach me 2 separate ways to execute a Gabriel Synthesis

Nile Red : World's most inefficient and most powerful wizard. I am not entirely convinced he's human. Does shit like turning plastic gloves into drinkable grape soda or making sweeteners out of his own piss and somehow makes it explainable to trash goblins like me who only need the science for warlord pussy.

again, anon, holy shit thank you so much. Like you wouldn't believe the amount of damage you've just undone. i have been beating myself into a pulp and spiraling into anxiety about this fic an trying to do everything right and you've given me enough moxie to fuel me for at least the next 10 chapters. If you have any more questions or more specific questions, please do not hesitate to ask! I can't guarantee I can answer them, but damnit I'll try. Take care and happy learning you funky lil moonbean.

[transformersroleplay]

hey all! i’m currently looking for a lucky someone (or someones) to join a 1x1 literate transformers roleplay on discord!

PLEASE BE 18+. I am over 18 and I intend to have graphic content within our writing. This includes:

Mentions/potential depictions of sexual themes/kinks, drug abuse, SA, mentions of child abuse, medical themes, mechpreg, etc. This list isn’t limited to these things, nor does our writing have to include all of them! We can discuss in more detail what we feel most comfortable with. :)

Good grammar, punctuation, 3rd person perspective, and somewhat consistent tense are very important to me, though if you slip up every so often, don’t worry, I won’t bite! I love to write A LOT (at least at the beginning), usually breaking discords message limit. However, quality over quantity is even more important, so don’t feel like you need to grind out 6 paragraphs if you don’t have the inspiration/material to work off of! I tend to shorten down to usually 2 paragraphs as the roleplay goes on, maybe even less depending on the scene, but sometimes i’ll go off on a tangent again. As said before, feel free to discuss with me! Communication is key.

Please no ocs! I ONLY do canon/canon, at least at first. Once I get to know you and get comfortable with your style, I usually become more open towards ocs, especially if we can make some together!

As for continuity, I mainly go for an ambiguous universe or an amalgamation of multiple. If we want a specific one to work with, I’m most familiar with IDW (disclaimer that I’m not the most knowledgeable out there), G1 universe and the aligned continuity. IDW would be my first pick though!

I have many many, MANY ships in my arsenal, but there are a few main ones that I’m usually always down to do, those include: (in no particular order)

lockdown/swindle

ratchet/drift

starscream/skywarp/thundercracker

starscream/megatron

starscream/skyfire

starscream/optimus

megatron/the elite trine

rung/megatron

deadlock/hot rod

deadlock/ratchet

rodimus/megatron

chromedome/rewind

onslaught/blastoff

first aid/vortex

breakdown/knockout

soundwave/megatron

soundwave/shockwave

any poly gestalt

I love rarepairs too! From ones that are a little popular, to making up a ship of our own, they’re really fun to do! Though I prefer to do them once we have a few stories established so we can get a vibe for each other! Silverbolt/Motormaster, Hook/Mixmaster, Onslaught/Swindle, etc. Let’s get creative!

Starscream and Drift/Deadlock are the characters I have the most experience writing, but I can write almost anyone. I might not have a ton of experience with a certain character, but I’ll put my all into it!

As for plot, I don’t really have anything specific in mind at the moment except for starscream based ideas. However, no matter the ship, I’m always down for slice of life, canon/canon divergence, human aus, and royalty aus. I’m a HUGE sucker for royalty aus.

so yeah! hmu if you’re interested and we can talk more!

[bittenrabbit]

Six Deck Tech :> Decklist can be found here: Six Baubles (now with six baubles!)

hello! I'd like to talk about one of my commanders, a card with a really unique effect from Modern Horizons 3 who has yet to see the variation in deck building that they probably should!

But before I get to that, I'd like to talk about one of my favorite decks from magic history, Eggs! Eggs is a deck that revolves around the same game pieces regardless of format: 1 and 0 mana artifacts that you can "crack" for a card and an effect of some kind. You win by using some kind of mana engine to draw your entire deck. one card at a time. Once you've thinned your deck, you can achieve a loop of some kind to end up winning the game. It's the ultimate power trip!!! Taking a ridiculous amount of game actions just to lose to not drawing the exact piece you need, choosing when/when to not shuffle becomes a game of percentages at the slot machine it's fantastic lol If you have yet to watch Pro Tour Return to Ravnica's finals, it's definitely worth a watch! The winning list ran Lotus Bloom as its mana engine of choice and won by cracking eggs (and lands through ghost quarter!) and then reanimating them + Lotus with Second Sunrise/Faith's Reward before cracking everything again to get ever closer to an empty deck and then win by looping a single Pyrite Spellbomb :>

So who's at the helm of my deck? As I went into MH3 spoiler season, Six really stood out to me! I love wide open cards that let you brew in a billion different ways :>

Six (of Wrenn and Six fame) is a 3 mana 2/4 Reach who reads:

Reach Whenever Six attacks, mill three cards. You may put a land card from among them into your hand. As long as it’s your turn, nonland permanent cards in your graveyard have retrace. (You may cast permanent cards from your graveyard by discarding a land card in addition to paying their other costs.)

Most Six lists so far on EDHREC run stuff like Spore Frog and Sakura-Tribe Elder + Sacrifice effects to accrue value/discard lands and then end the game through cards like Avenger of Zendikar/landfall effects + mass land reanimation spells!

I took a bit of a different spin on Six, one that no one seems to have replicated yet (side tangent um. being the only deck running this stuff on EDHREC is so funny, you can literally see my deck on the website!) I made an eggs list! With Six out on the field, cards like Conjurer's Bauble and Mishra's/Urza's Bauble read "discard a land to draw a card" With any mana discount, Chromatic Star/Sphere and a bunch of other eggs read the same :D

My gameplan is to get Six out and protected and then draw a whole bunch of cards and gain a tooon of value with cards like Glaring Fleshraker, Turntimber Sower and Sarinth Steelseeker

If you can keep hitting lands off your eggs, your storm count'll go way up recasting your baubles which you can use to cast cards like Sprouting Vines to cast MORE BAUBLES!!!! Or win through typical storm payoffs like Aeve & Aetherflux Reservoir to blast em all for super lethal damage >:D (or you could just win by simply having more cards and tokens than opponents can handle!)

Anywaays that's my deck tech i think! lmk if i missed anything maybe i'll rewrite this at some point and make a video? :>

[verdemoun]

there will be a detailed post about dutch van der linde in timewarp in the next 24 hours watch this space but before then The Ex's of Dutch Van Der Linde is an absolute posse

the main trio is annabelle, susan grimshaw and molly o'shea. molly catches up with the girlies more than any other members of VDLs. side tangent i know in my soul grimshaw and molly made up like grimshaw thought she was protecting the gang. molly would be hurt grimshaw actually believed she talked. she was just saying it to get a rise out of dutch. grimshaw would recognize the effect dutch has on the people that love him and be very apologetic for being blinded by the idea of molly talking and putting the gang at risk, and not doing more to help her as she mentally declined in 1899. they made up they're friends shut up let me dream

the first time molly went over for a formal exes of dutch meeting kieran was also there and the sheer panic poor molly felt please please do not tell me dutch slept with the o'driscoll!! he cheated on me with the o'driscoll!!!?! (she doesn't love dutch but she damn well will have another reason to hate him if she's adding cheating to the list)

he didn't!! he was hanging out with annabelle before the meeting. 1. she lowkey forgot he was there because he's so quiet 2. she's holding him hostage in an effort to get hosea to come. they all damned well know 3. it's a surprise tool that'll help us later

it starts off as just a nice wine dinner talking about girlie things bitching about work, modern era life but by the second bottle of wine someone has to break the ice 'remember how fucking annoying it was when dutch put on the gramophone' 'jesus christ yes i still fucking twitch hearing opera' and then it is all out war they are holding the roast of dutch van der linde

it is very stereotypical like they're making fun of how he preens like the pits of fashion they're saying he was bad in bed and things he did that gave them universal ick they're making fun of mangy tobacco pipe breath when he kissed them and all the red flags in hindsight like the gaslighting and the whole time they are still pouring more wine and smoking and getting more and more animated

finally, with the biggest shit-eating grin on her face, annabelle goes up to kieran who's just been sitting there playing on his tablet having a few drinks and zaza and casually asks 'hey kipper what do you think of dutch'

and fellas let me tell you when he's drunk enough to be chatty kieran duffy has Opinions. he will talk so much shit and the girls are just sprawled on the couch drinking wine listening to kieran duffy pace around calling out shit like 'why is dutch such a creep around women has he ever dated a woman older than 25 also what the Hell is his deal with pretending he's a moral superiority 'dutch is a teacher uwu' fucking horseshit half the gang was only so devoted to him because they didn't know anything else and he deliberately picks out people he can mold people to follow his ideals at least colm had the decency not to pretend he cared about people i wanna punch his god damn face so BAD and his moustache is stupid'

the girls are just sitting there snapping their fingers go off kieran he was there for entertainment value the whole time. annabelle just adores him if she could steal one of bessie's boys it would be kieran they have such a special bond as fellow victims of o'driscoll torture. she is his timewarp mom

they put on REAL music out of spite and by real music i mean they are drunk dancing and shout-singing along to 'vampire'. by the time hosea gets there the energy is just so contagious he does join in the 'fuck our ex dutch van der linde' party while bessie is stealing the leftovers. kieran has somehow managed to fall asleep on the couch and bessie quietly sits beside him and has herself a sneaky glass of whisky while the girls + her husband have moved from alternative pop 'i hate my ex' to country 'i'm going to fucking murder my ex'

[patchwork-crow-writes]

It's so specific but I love the idea of Ralsei loving makeup and me having the headcannon for his room to at least have a dressing table for makeups XD

I would love to see this explored in chapter 3 by something VERY specific which is... That dragon book!?! You know that book that Asriel have?? The "How to draw dragons" book?

So, when we go to the library, Berdly says that the dragon in the cover has a mauve skin, and has lipstick. Since this book it's on Kris' house... and there is a small description of the character, I wouldn't doubt that this dragon will be in chapter 3 as a backstage makeup artist or something related to it due to the chapter's tv and show theme!!

With this I kinda thought about when this dragon gets to meet Ralsei, starts to likes him a lot and treats him like a little prince like he deserves?? Or their favorite between Kris and Susie, but also for the familiarity with goat monsters since their book was Asriel's ?!

Idk but if it'll be like this, I would love the Ralsei and makeup thing more explored because of this dragon!! Honestly, I think it would even help Ralsei to know better who he is and discover more hobbies with that!

I mean... you've seen those peepers, haven't you?

Bro definitely spends two hours every day making sure his makeup is perfect for when the lightners visit XD And for sure, it'd be cute as heck if a character in a future chapter acknowledges that aspect of him and rizzes him up for it. Heaven knows our boy could do with a little pampering and positive reinforcement!

As for whether that character would be the "How to Draw Dragons" dragon? Could be, honestly! Your idea of them being a makeup artist for a TV show is a good one! Personally, however, I think that'll have another role to play, if you'll humour my thought-process a moment.

I have a feeling - and I'm sure I'm not alone in thinking this - that Asriel didn't borrow that book for himself, but for Kris. We know that Azzy doted on his little sibling, so if they put him up to it because they were too embarrassed, then he'd definitely do something like that for them. The other thing is, we know that Kris is quite fond of Susie, even before they become proper friends in Chapter 1. And she's a purple dragon, the same as the dragon on the front cover of the book...

Anyway! With this in mind, I think this dragon, should they make an appearance as a darkner, is going to end up messing the current fun gang dynamic up something fierce. Susie's gonna look at this and realise she's Kris's "type", which'll probably end up making her feel weird after the whole Noelle thing back in Chapter 2. And then I feel that Ralsei's also gonna put two and two together, which is probably going to make him feel worthless when he realises that Kris only has eyes for Susie and not him. I think it could be an interesting way to develop the continuing theme of love/romance in Deltarune, and in particular the "perception versus reality" aspect of it, as the "How To Draw Dragons" book would likely end up looking like a more sexualised version of Susie, what with the lipstick and the... immodest dress. I haven't developed this thought all that much, but your ask made me think about it for the first time, so thank you!

To get back to your ask (sorry for the massive tangent!) - yeah, I think there is a lot more we could learn about Ralsei through his hobbies, including any new ones he might pick up. He does have a LOT of hobbies, it seems, from cooking to crocheting and interior decorating, and he can sing! Going by his jaw-droppingly gorgeous no-glasses sprite above, I think we could add master make-up artist to that list as well! And yeah, it'd definitely be amazing to see those hobbies being used as a way for Ralsei to discover more about himself :)

Thanks so much for the thought-provoking ask! :D

[newtrons]

fanfiction writers.

whenever i browse ao3 for any fic that those gods have created, i am aware that any and all fanfiction writers (other than myself) are a different breed of human. i have this here handy dandy list of things to expect when reading fanfiction. feel free to take a mental note. this might be a long one.

Rule 1: the ‘my house exploded, burned down and then exploded again’ rule.

Yes, it’s a bit of a meme. Those posts about fanfic writers suffering through the most absurd shit, and/or having the best moments of their lives, and then apologizing for being late. I myself realized this when I was writing and somehow managed to tear my nail from my toe, got sent to hospital because of my incredibly caring and also very anxious roommate, which lead to me discovering I had appendicitis and had surgery done. Here are some examples of better people than I am experiencing this:

This should be enough to tell you: these people are different to us mere mortals. So, I made this rule, which I have affectionately named, which states that when reading any fix, always expect the worst to happen to the author, because apparently the universe wants to stop them from writing peak.

Rule 2: Don’t be afraid to experiment.

I, myself, am obsessed with 5 fandoms: Danganronpa, Jujutsu Kaisen, Tomodachi Life(??? Is this even a fandom???), Persona and, last but not least, Dragon Ball (Sparking Zero is coming out soon and I’m ecstatic. I’ll try to avoid the brackets from now on because nobody likes reading these). So, obviously, if I were to be on AO3 at this second, I’d probably go for one of those.

And then, dear reader, I sorted by all fics from most hits to least.

Rule 2.5: It’s all fucking Harry Potter - Interlude

Yes, I just said don’t be afraid to experiment, but I’m stopping just to ask this:

Why is it all Harry Potter?

I kid you not, the top 3 fics, as of writing this, are all Harry Potter, sitewide. And then, beyond the top 3, there’s just more. And I get it - a lot of people like Harry Potter. I haven’t read it, I don’t particularly care for it, but a lot of people like it. I know this because I see it everywhere I go. I hear it everywhere I go. I walk down the street and I somehow hear Harry Potter in a conversation. I get home, look at AO3, Harry Potter. I log onto Twitter—

And as I get to this, I want to point out that I follow people that I have never seen mention Harry Potter. I follow people that have nothing to do with it. I follow Lythero. Fighting game youtuber with cute little bunnies who did the Silver Campaign recently. Great. I follow Opera GX, a web browser. Awesome. I follow OMOCAT, developer of OMORI, and I follow the OMORI account. Wonderful. This shows that I follow people who I enjoy seeing. I follow people I want on my feed, and yet they cannot give me the pleasure of limiting my feed to the accounts that I want on my feed.

—and there it is. Harry Potter. I promise you this does not motivate me to look it up.

And I hear your cries of ‘oh, newtrons! You silly fucking goose! Just exclude the fandom from your searches”, and I hear you. I do this. But I, the annoyance that I am, just feel a sense of rage when I see Harry Potter at all. It fills me with the urge to throw a cinderblock from my window. I apologize for my tangent.

Rule 2: Don’t be afraid to experiment - Continued.

And so, as I look through thousands upon thousands of Harry Potter fanfictions, I stumble upon a fanfiction for the series ‘Saiki K’. Awesome. Great. Synonyms. I click on it, knowing nothing about the original anime, and I read through a few chapters of a psychic guy having fun with his silly friends. And that is what motivates me to watch the entire anime, because it made me like the characters, and it doesn’t show up very often. So, please, if you see something you don’t see often, experiment. Read a BTS fanfiction if you want to go there. Read some OC work, because some of those are incredible. Feel free to dip your toes into the ‘every fandom and fanfiction ever’ kiddie pool. Have fun with it.

Rule 3: horny

Some people, unfortunately, are horny. Very much so, in fact. Obviously, I have nothing against NSFW, despite sounding more like a hypocrite by the second, but let me explain. I am like a toddler, in that I get incredibly upset with seeing something that I don’t like on some occasions. Yes, I am fine with NSFW, but I am only fine with NSFW until I cross the threshold of ‘okay, I’ve seen and read enough hardcore smut over lunch to the point where I can read it with a blank face. Maybe I should take a step back from the NSFW’. Then, when I cross that threshold and see NSFW, even if it isn’t the author’s intention, I still become filled with immeasurable pain at seeing anything NSFW. If you can avoid it, please, please don’t be a hypocrite and annoyance like me and prepare to see some NSFW. It makes you enjoy reading off of places like AO3 and Wattpad (i have never read off of watt pad but i hear it has many-a self-inserts).

ily, ty for reading.

[squareallworthy]

Triangle Tuesday 13: Inversion, fiddling around with real numbers, and a far-out conclusion

This week I'd like to talk about a geometrical method called inversion. But inversion can be kind of hard to get, so first, would you like to see a geometrical method for finding the reciprocal of a real number?

We can represent a real number as a point on a line n, in this case P. Then we need to know where the points representing 0 and 1 are. Here i have marked them as Z and U (for unit, because 1 is the multiplicative unit).

To find the reciprocal of P, draw a circle through U, centered at Z. If P is outside the circle, draw a tangent to it at D, and then drop a perpendicular to n at P'. Then, interpreting n as the number line, P' is the reciprocal of P. Or, to be strict, the length of segment ZP' is the reciprocal of the length of the segment ZP. In this case ZP = 3 and ZP' = 1/3.

If P is inside the circle, simply follow the same diagram backward. Draw a perpendicular from P' to intersect the circle at D, then draw a tangent to intersect n at P.

If P is on the circle, then P = U = P', since U represents 1 and 1 is its own reciprocal.

This works because of similar triangles. Going back to the first case, since DP is a tangent, it is perpendicular to the radius ZD. Then the two triangles ZDP' and ZPD are both right and share a vertex at Z, making them similar. Therefore ZP/ZD = ZD/ZP'. But ZD is the radius of a unit circle, so ZP = 1 / ZP', and there's your reciprocal.

Here we see a this method used to find the reciprocals of 2, 3, 4, and 5. Seen as an arithmetical process, it's a way of finding the multiplicative inverse of real numbers. But seen as a purely geometrical process, we are taking a point and using a circle to find another point. This process is called inversion, or inversion in a circle. The point Z is called the center of inversion, and the circle z is the circle of inversion. We can formally define it like this:

Let P be a point and let z be a circle centered at Z with radius u. Then the inverse of P relative to the circle z is the point P' on ray ZP such that ZP * ZP' = u^2. Equivalently, we have ZP/u = u/ZP'.

(We use the ray ZP rather than the line ZP to ensure that P' is on the same side of Z as P. Alternately, we could use signed distances, such that measurement in one direction on the line ZP is positive and the other negative.)

With that definition, we can extend our idea of finding inverses to the entire plane, since we are not limited by a number line that goes only in one direction. We can also use a circle of any size centered anywhere, since unlike with reciprocation we don't have to treat 0 and 1 as special cases. But before leaving the subject of reciprocation behind, let me list some of the obvious properties of reciprocal numbers:

the obvious properties of reciprocation of real numbers have their counterparts inversion of points. For instance:

Reciprocation is symmetric: if x is the reciprocal of y, then y is the reciprocal of x.

Consequently, the reciprocal of the reciprocal of a number is the number itself: 1 / (1/x) = x.

1 is its own reciprocal, and it's the only positive number with this property. -

If a number is greater than 1, its reciprocal is less than 1, and vice versa.

Numbers close to 1 have reciprocals that are close to 1. Numbers that are very close to 0 have reciprocals that are very large, and vice versa.

I led off this post talking about reciprocal numbers because all of these properties have counterparts in properties of inverses:

If P is the inverse of Q, then Q is the inverse of P.

The inverse of the inverse of P is P.

Points on the circle of inversion are their own inverses, and they are the only points with this property.

If a point is outside the circle of inversion, then its inverse is inside the circle, and vice versa.

Points close to the circle have inverses that are close to the circle. Points very close to the center of inversion have inverses that are very far from the center, and vice versa.

With these in mind, we know what kind of general behavior to expect when we are inverting points, which makes it simpler to follow what's going on when we start inverting more complicated figures.

On difference between reciprocation and inversion is that the reciprocal of 0 is not defined. We could do the same for Z, but it will be simpler to talk about inverses of geometrical figures if we stipulate a single point at infinity, and say that it is the inverse of the center of inversion. Also, since all lines extend to infinity, we will say that all lines meet at the point at infinity.

Since that gives us an inverse for every point on a line, that lets us present our first result on geometrical figures in inversive geometry:

The inverse of a line passing through the center of inversion is the line itself.

So far, not very exciting, so let's move on to different configurations of points. What if we have a vertical arrangement of points instead of horizontal? Our construction requires each point to get its own line, but I'll use rays instead of lines to keep the picture from getting too cluttered.

As expected, as the blue points get farther from Z, their inverses (in red) get closer to Z. But also, they appear to be forming a circle. Can we prove that?

Here we have points P and Q with their inverses P' and Q', P being the closest point on line PQ to Z. By the definition of inversion,

ZP * ZP' = u^2

ZQ * ZQ' = u^2

therefore

ZP * ZP' = ZQ * ZQ'

or equivalently,

ZP / ZQ = ZQ' / ZP'.

Triangles ZPQ and ZQ'P' have a common angle at Z and the ratios of the two adjacent sides equal, so they are similar. By construction, triangle ZPQ has a right angle at P, and so triangle ZQ'P' has a right angle at Q'.

Thus, Q' lies on a circle with ZP' as diameter, as do the inverses of all points on line PQ, and this gives us our second result on inverses of figures.

The inverse of a line not passing through the center of inversion is a circle passing through the center of inversion.

Corollary: since parallel lines meet only at infinity, the inverses of parallel lines are circles that meet only at Z, meaning they must be tangent at Z. Here are two parallel lines and their inverses. Notice that since the dashed line is farther from Z than the solid line, the dashed circle that is its inverse is smaller.

What about circles that don't pass through Z? Here we have a circle in blue with diameter PQ colinear with Z, and R an arbitrary point on the circle. Their inverses are P', Q', and R'. The circle of inversion z has radius u.

By definition of inversion, ZP * ZP' = u^2 and ZR * ZR' = u^2, so ZP * ZP' = ZR * ZR'. Rewrite this as ZP/ZR' = ZR/ZP' and we have two triangles PZR and R'ZP' with a common vertex at Z and adjacent sides in proportion, which makes them similar. In the same way we can establish that QZR is similar to R'ZQ'.

The yellow angles P'R'R and QPR are exterior to corresponding vertices of the first pair of similar triangles, so they are equal. And the green angles PQR and ZR'Q' are corresponding angles from our second pair of similar triangles, and therefore also equal.

Angle PRQ subtends a diameter of the blue circle, which makes it a right angle. Therefore the other two angles in triangle PQR sum to 90 degrees. And so the other green and yellow angles likewise sum to 90 degrees, and angle P'R'Q' is a right angle as well. This shows that R' lies on a circle with Q'P' as diameter.

The same holds for any point on the blue circle, so this circle inverts to another circle, and that is our third result.

The inverse of a circle not passing through the center of inversion is another circle not passing through the center of inversion.

Corollary: a circle that crosses the circle of inversion inverts to another circle that crosses the circle of inversion at the same points, since all points on z invert to themselves.

Corollary: if P is the inverse of P' and PP' is colinear with Z, then a circle with PP' as diameter inverts to itself.

So those are the three important things to keep in mind about lines and circles in inversive geometry. To recap:

Lines through Z invert to lines through Z.

Circles not through Z invert to circles not through Z.

Circles through Z invert to lines not through Z.

Now that we have all that down, what can we do with this method? Let's try it out on a new triangle center.

Let ABC be a triangle with circumcenter O and tangential triangle A'B'C'. Then the three circles defined by AA'O, BB'O, and CC'O coincide at O and at one other place: the far-out point, numbered X(23) in the Encyclopedia of Triangle Centers.

Proof: let Ma, Mb, and Mc be the midpoints of sides a, b, and c. Consider an inversion in the circumcircle of ABC. By the construction of inverses, A' is the inverse of Ma, and A is its own inverse, since it lies on the circumcircle. The circle AA'O passes through the center of inversion, so its inverse is a line passing through A and Ma, which is one of the medians of triangle ABC.

Cycling through the other vertices, we find that the other two circles are inverses of the other two medians BMb and CMc. The three medians coincide at G, the centroid.

Since G lies on all three medians, its inverse must lie on the three inverses of the medians, and this is the far-out point. Note also that inverses are colinear with the center of inversion, so X23 lies on line OG, which is the Euler line.

If you found this interesting, please try drawing some of this stuff for yourself! You can use a compass and straightedge, or software such as Geogebra, which I used to make all my drawings. You can try it on the web here or download apps to run on your own computer here.

An index of all posts in this series is available here.

[beaker1636]

Love At First Meeting Part 1 - Ricky

AN: So I was asked for a fic where Ricky meets the reader and they have an instant connection, and they know they have met their person by @raydenrrobertson . I loved the idea and this is kind of where my mind went, like usual I made reader into a teacher because that is what I relate to... and I got off on a tangent about some of my favorite books. Anway, I got really into this idea and it sort of turned into a 2 part fic. I think its adorable and hope ya'll enjoy!

Part 2 will be about the concert and them admitting their feelings to each other!

Tag List: @tearfallpixie @darkhallcorner @lacktoesandtoddlerants

“Okay y/n, all you need to do is pick up the new Steven King book, get your online order for your class and leave.  Do not wander around or you are going to buy too many books,” you give yourself a mental pep talk as you step into Barnes and Noble, fully aware that you will more than likely not listen to yourself.  Honestly you could spend thousands here and not bat an eye if you had the funds to do so.  

Trying to keep yourself on course and not spend more money than you have you head straight towards the new releases, hoping to get a copy of the book that you came in for.  You can’t help but smile when you notice there was one last copy, reaching for it you accidentally bumped into someone else who was doing the same.  

“I am so sorry, here you can take the book.” You say instantly, embarrassed that you just bumped into someone's hand like that.  You don’t look up in an effort to hide your flushed face, not wanting your embarrassment to be obvious.

“It’s fine, I can order the ebook instead.  Here, you take it,” you aren’t sure why but you didn’t expect a man's voice.  

You glance up just in time to see him quickly throw it in your basket, thrown off when you accidentally make eye contact with the most beutiful blue eyes you have ever seen.  You force yourself to glance away, you don’t want to because they were drawing you in but you make yourself, it is just too awkward to sit and stare in a stranger's eyes.

“Well, thank you,” you respond softly, starting to walk off to another shelf to avoid any more of this awkward encounter with this stranger you somehow feel very drawn to.  The feeling confuses you, you’ve never felt this instant connection with someone that you don’t even know.

Unknown to you he is thinking the same thing about you and is currently debating if he should approach you again, and ultimately decides that he should and follows you to a new shelf.

“Hey sorry to bother you again, but you clearly have great tastes in books, do you have any recommendations?” he asks you, a hopeful smile on his face. “Shit, I should probably tell you my name.  I’m Rick.”

“I’m y/n, and sure! Are you looking for only horror or?  Just need to know where I should guide you,” you ask, now even more embarrassed by the fact that you are so excited that this handsome stranger is still talking to you… and he cares about your opinions?

“Pretty much anything honestly, I leave for a work trip soon and I always like to take some with me,” he responds.  And he is being truthful, honestly at this point you could probably hand him a little kids book and he would buy it just because it is giving him a chance to talk to you. 

And you are just as happy to have an  excuse to talk to him, even more so when it is about your first love, books.

“Absolutely, follow me!”

He can’t help but smile at you after you turn around with a huge smile on your face.  The pure joy written across your face has a warmth flooding over him that he can’t fully explain, but he loves that feeling.  He gladly follows you to another shelf.

“So this is my favorite fiction novel, The Storyteller.  Basically it is about this reclusive Jewish woman who works nights at a bakery and there is a new regular old man who comes around at night and they start to talk a little.  He eventually confesses to her that he was a  Nazi and he starts to tell her stories.  I can’t tell you much more without ruining it but it is amazing,” you say.  

Not thinking you grab his hand to go drag him to another shelf, you realize quickly that you grabbed his hand once the goosebumps start to spread along your skin.  You are completely taken off guard, why are you so comfortable with this man when you have never met? Why didn’t he stop you or pull away?  Shaking off the thoughts you stop in at another shelf.  

“This series is about demons, each book focuses on another one in the same family as they discover their own unique power that they have. There is some minor smut in it, so if you aren’t chill with that we can move on.  And right next to it is a really good vampire series.”

He can’t help the laugh that escapes as you continue to drag him around the store, showing him books in almost every genre.  You really are into almost everything, and he didn’t expect that.

“Is there anything that you don’t like?” He finally teases you, a smile still present on his face when he realizes he made you blush.

“Shit sorry, I’m rambling on aren’t I?  And yeah, westerns, I can’t bring myself to like westerns,” you say in a joking tone, giving a quick apology again.

“Don’t be, it's really cute seeing you get so excited about them…” he trails off for a second before looking at your basket. “What’s the Ashfall book in your basket about? I noticed you quickly threw it in while we were walking around.”

“Oh, a lot of my students are reading it and love it so I want to read it so I know what they are all into.  Basically a kid from Iowa is home alone when the Yellowstone supervolcano erupts, so it follows him as he travels to find his parents through all the ash and stuff.” You hand him the book so he can look at the back of it quick.

You take a moment to really look at him while he reads it, admiring his tattoos on his throat that you are able to see despite the leather jacket his has on.  You also can’t help but notice the way his black hair makes the paleness of his face pop, completely different than your type but you find him very attractive.

He glances up and catches you staring at him, raising an eyebrow at you.  Blushing you look down, you can’t believe you let him catch you clearly checking him out.

He takes a second to clear his throat before speaking up. “Sounds interesting, so you said your students, you are a teacher I am guessing?”

“Yeah, freshman English and creative writing, I also oversee the school newspaper and yearbook,” you answer truthfully. “They are all such great kids, I couldn’t ask for a better group than what I have right now.”

“I can tell you really love what you do, hey to thank you for your time, can I buy you a coffee from the little cafe area?” He is hoping that you will say yes, really wanting to get to know you better.

“Umm…” you glance down at your watch to see the time. “Shit, I would love to but I have to get going soon.  I am meeting my friend at a restaurant in 15 minutes. I’m sorry,” you say softly, a little upset that you have to say no.

“I get it, can we at least maybe exchange numbers? I’ll buy the digital version of that book so we can read and talk about it together.  I’d say in person but I leave for work in two days for a couple months.”

You smile at the shy expression that is currently crossing his face, he clearly is feeling a bit out of his element as well.  But you are glad that he seems to be even slightly interested in you like you are with him.

“Normally I would say no to  a stranger, so please do not make me regret this,” you joke as you pull your phone out of you pocket and hand it to him.

He hands his phone to you as well, both of you quickly typing in your numbers before you swap them back and both of you make your way up front to finish checking out, you letting the cashier know that you have an online order to pick up as well. 

She hands you a rather large box and finishes checking you out, thanking her before turning to grab your box and leave.

“Wait, let me help you with the box,” Rick offers from the checkout next to you.  Before you can protest he is already taking the box away from you.

You mumble a meek thank you, leading him to your car and opening the back door for him to put the box in for you before closing it and turning to face him.

“I’ll text you once I start the book,” he tells you with a smile, before slowly backing away from your car, hesitating because he doesn’t want to let you leave without talking to him.

“Sounds great, I look forward to it,” you respond playfully before getting into your car so that you can meet your friend… who you are now officially late for meeting.

6ish Weeks Later, May 12th

You let out a soft sign as you walk into your apartment, kicking your shoes off by your front door before setting the box you have full of book reports down on your table, thank god it is Friday!

You can’t help but think about Ricky, wondering if he is currently getting ready for a show, maybe meeting some fans.  You and him have talked a lot since meeting at the bookstore, and you have accepted that you have fallen for him.  You would love nothing more than to be with him once he gets home from tour, but have accepted that you are friends and that you can live with that.

You're watching your favorite show when your phone goes off with a message, smiling when you see Rick’s name show up on your screen.

You quickly check the message, seeing that he asked if you wanted to facetime as they have the night off and he wants to talk to you.  

“Yeah, can you give me a few minutes to change? I have just gotten home,” you send back, happy that he wants to talk to you.

You quickly get a response back telling you that you can make the call when you are ready, no rush.  You quickly set your phone own and run to your room to change out of your school clothing and into a band shirt that he sent you a couple weeks ago and a pair of shorts before you settle on your couch, making your facetime request.

Rick accepts your call right away and greets you with a kind smile. “Well, don’t you look nice in a motionless shirt,” he jokes. “You look exhausted though.”

“Joys of the end of the school year, I have almost 100 book reports to grade this weekend alone. I can’t wait for the 26th,” you say with a slight groan before you smile at him.  “I’m glad we have some time to talk tonight.”

All of the sudden you see Vinny walk up behind Rick before he stops, backs up and looks at you with a wave. “Hi, y/n, nice to finally meet yo - Ow, dude what the fuck?” Vinny asks with a groan, rubbing his arm where Rick smacked him. “What, I am assuming this is her.”

“This is why I usually call you from my bunk, my whole band is full of nosy assholes, sorry.” Rick says, a slight blush on his cheeks as he looks back at the camera to see you.

You can’t help but giggle at the scene in front of you. “Hi Vin, nice to formally see you.  And thank you for letting me know that Rick apparently talks about me,” you tease with a wink towards the boys.

“Okay, she has a sense of humor.  I officially like her,” Vin says, earning himself a glare from rick. “What?”

“Thanks?” you question, your mood is already better from watching the banter between the two of them.

Vinny walks off laughing and you can hear some of the others laughing as well before Chris asks Rick what he would want brought back for dinner, then it gets quiet on the bus.

“Don’t let me keep you from eating Rick, we can talk another time,” you say softly, feeling guilty that you are keeping him from grabbing some dinner with his friends.

“I wanted to talk to you, I already planned that Chris would just bring me food back to the bus after they all ate.  I can tell that you had a rough day, so talk to me.  What’s going on?” You can see him smile at you through the camera, instantly melting away some of your problems with that simple act.

“You are so sweet Rick, really,” you say before venting about your day for about 15 minutes, Rick listening and giving you little comments to make sure that you know he is listening to you.

“I can see why you are so tired after a day like that, at least it is almost summer break for you.  Is there anything that I am able to help you with?” he asks you gently.

“Venting actually helped a lot.  Honestly us talking always makes my day, you are the first official friend I have made since I made the move to PA other than the friend I moved with,” you say, smiling at the man sweetly.

“You never told me where you moved from… or why you and Marisa came out here?” He asks, curious. He could listen to you talk about yourself and get to know more about you all day.

“Iowa. Marisa followed her fiance out here when we graduated college, and because I am not close with my family she convinced me to come out here with her,”  you answer.

“When we finish this tour I will have to introduce you to some people so you have more friends out here,” he says, another warm smile gracing his face.

Before you know it the two of you have been talking for almost an hour and the boys are all climbing back on the bus, interrupting your call.

“I should let you go so that you can eat, thank you for the call,” you say, hoping that he can’t tell that you are sad to be ending the call.

“Wait! Ask her about the show before you forget!” you hear Chris yell from somewhere else on the bus.

“Oh yeah, our last tour stop is a hometown show on the 26th.  Do you want to come? You could watch from the side stage, meet some of our friends and the guys,” Rick rubs the back of his neck, visibly nervous about what your answer might be.

“Yeah, send me the information and I will be there,” you smile at him, happy that he asked you.

“Awesome, I will see you then.  Go relax, maybe take a nice hot bath, you earned it with the day you have had.  I will talk to you soon,” Rick says, his entire face bright and happy after hearing you say that you would go.

“Bye,” you say softly. “Bye guys!” you yell out extra loud so they can hear you.  You giggle when you hear several voices say goodbye as well before you sign out.

You decide to order take out and after it arrives you decide to take Rick’s advice.  Slipping into a hot bact while you relax, smiling when Rick sends you a text wishing you a goodnight.

You sigh before sending your best friend a quick message asking an important conversation. “Is it weird to be falling in love with someone I have only met in person once?”

[drconstellation]

More Half-and-Half-A-Miracle Thoughts

Part 1: Miracle Power Ranking

Part 2: The Dark side of Aziraphale is here. Part 3: The Third Archangel

I was originally going to add some comments as a reblog to @nofomogirl's post on why the 25 Lazurii miracle was so powerful, but the initial thought I had on the matter slipped away from me during that day, and I was left looking at a glimpse at the viridian green back panel of Aziraphale's waistcoat and wondering what had sparked my original thought, and any attempt to try and grasp it again was a futile as Muriel trying to open Gabriel's file in Heaven.

So I wandered off on other tangents, explored other topics I was curious about, and enjoyed reading the new posts that went up, but the ghost of that viridian green panel kept lurking about with a sharp stick to remind me it was there. So I'm here to post some more thoughts in addition to the op's post that I feel might add to the discussion about the little miracle that worked too well.

I also want to say before I get stuck in (and warning - this is going to be a long one!) that I think no matter how much we discuss this or dig at it, ultimately we just don't have enough information to have a definitive answer as to the why at the moment, and, we may never know. But I'm going to speak because I think I there is at least one thing I haven't seen discussed yet in context with this scene, and should be (at least, I haven't seen it yet - if you have, please let me know.)

So if you're in a TL:DR mode and don't want to open links, here is the list of current theories of why two little "half miracles" made one mighty one:

Theory#1: It's love

Theory #2: It's them

Theory#3: It's a fusion

Theory #4: It's Gabriel

Theory #5: It's the portal (that they did it on top of)

To preface my answering ramble the TL:DR again is - its a fusion of "them" i.e. both #2 and #3 together. As in Aziraphale x Gabriel x Crowley. 3x3x3

Hang on, that's 27! Not 25! yeah, yeah, I'm not that bad at math. And I'll admit it doesn't fit - it doesn't "snap" into place. But its either that or 5x5 and I wanted to consider all three elements in this miracle working together for the discussion at the start. And there seems to an emphasis on 3's as well as 7's (Maybe you can cut the middle out at the end, once you can see the bigger picture I'm trying to present, but lets leave it this way for now. Maybe it will give you another idea...)

Firstly, consider the three elements, working in synergy. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. As Crowley describes it in S2E6: " Apparently, if we do a miracle together, it all works a bit too well." (I was originally thinking of the word "gestalt" but on reflection its probably not the right one.)

"...if we..."

Let's ask who is "we" at this point, and how much miracle power they are contributing to the miracle. Are they contributing equally? Yes? Or no? I want to take a closer look at miracle power: the knowns, the unknowns and the possibilities to explore that.

We've already been told that most day-to-day miracles are down in the mili-Lazurii level, a mere few thousandth of the power of the hiding miracle. And this makes sense - we don't see our protagonists bringing the dead back to life willy-nilly. Aziraphale mentions getting into trouble for doing "too many frivolous miracles." But if its one thing Good Omens stands out for its the conspicuous lack of displays of stupendous power. And this actually doesn't help our understanding of the problem.

Indulge me in a "ranking of power" exercise, if you will.

At the top we have the big three - no, four - er, lets make that five actually! Five ineffably, unarguably, omnipotent entities that every one respects and no one will mess with. They can essentially do what ever they will.

God, and Her (ex-) bestie, Satan.

Azrael, the angel of Death.

Adam Young, the Antichrist, who has retained his powers and is still protecting Tadfield.

And lastly the yet-to be revealed second coming of Jesus Christ.

Lets put them all aside and out of the equation.

Next, we have the Metatron, whom we haven't seen lift a finger, only his voice, yet the mere sight of his face evokes fear. How much miracle power can he wield? That's a big unknown, unfortunately. But being the current right-hand being of the Almighty must give him some serious grunt.

The top brass of the respective bureaucracies starts to raise questions. We have our senior Archangels (the seraphim) and the Dukes of Hell. I have no doubt that Gabriel, as Supreme Archangel of all Heaven, should be capable of performing at least a 1 Lazurii miracle on his own if required, and he could even have the potential to stretch to 25 Lazurii...if he could be bothered.

We know that they can be promoted in an out of those positions, and that raises questions about what happens to their powers when they get promoted or demoted. To gain power when promoted? Or lose it when demoted? Or is it a simply a matter of belief? In which case it might rely on the individual's personality.

When looking for examples of expressed power, in both the book and tv series, it is easier to come up with examples of demonic miracles than angelic miracles, and it makes things look a bit biased, imo. I mean, Crowley aside for the moment (I'll get back to him shortly) you have to be impressed with Hastur's escape from the ansaphone into the call center and manifesting into the mass of maggots, for all he was a bit old fashioned and smelled like poo. Shax playing games with Crowley just outside the shop in S2, manifesting as different characters in rapid succession has to be up there with another good demo of demon power (which it certainly worked to needle Crowley into losing his temper with them.)

What do we see the Archangels do in comparison? Hmm. Bitch and snitch. Gossip with Hell on the back stairs. Pretend to be buying pornography from Aziraphale. Then physically punch our angel in guts for fraternizing with a demon before disappearing back to Heaven . Not much.

OK, so Gabriel arrives on a lightning bolt at Tadfield airbase

and there is that intriguing discussion with Sandalphon regarding Sodom and Gomorrah (just read above the cut, that's the important bit for this meta later on) where he was doing quite a bit of smiting, but its all off screen and in the distant past, we don't actually see them in action.

Which brings us back to Crowley and Aziraphale. And then more Aziraphale manipulating Crowley into performing miracles for him so he doesn't have to (the little minx.) The list of miracles I can think of that we have seen Crowley do is far longer and seems more impressive than what Aziraphale has done. Oh, but there is the Eldritch Ball, you say? Controlling multiple people at once? (Hold that thought.) He also sent the soldier at the entry gate of the Tadfield airbase all the way back to his home in the USA in an instant (according to the book) and he flew the moped with both Madame Tracey and Shadwell over the top of the Odegra ring of demon fire to get to Tadfield (again, as mentioned in the book.) And as the op back here says, why didn't they just manifest themselves out? Idiots...

On to Part 2: The Dark Side of Aziraphale.