#but if it causes issues with other people's blacklist just let me know and i'll fix)

[nobodysuspectsthebutterfly]

Oh, indeed. There is an incredibly popular quote used in probably hundreds of jonsa graphics and a few metas and no doubt a lot of videos by now, "Stone and snow, that was all that was left of Winterfell. Just like her and Jon." I have no idea where it originally came from, some 2011/2-era fanfic or graphic edit, but it certainly does not come from GRRM. Heck, it's not even grammatically correct and not even really GRRM's style (not that that's ever stopped anyone).

And yet, a few years ago, a jonerys friend asked me to proofread their meta disputing various jonsa claims… and within their essay, they had spent 6-8 paragraphs disputing this quote. 🤦‍♀️ They were extremely surprised to hear it was not actual ASOIAF text that they needed to consider.

And there's so much out there, just like this. Another pervasive one, non-ship related, is “a harp in the tomb, a child in the womb, a dragon in a stone egg”, a nice bit of poetry sourced only from a theory essay postulating Rhaegar's harp is in Lyanna's tomb. People have come to me going, "but that theory must be true, I mean, the poem!" and I had to gently explain he drew the receipts himself.

(lol, well, I say not ship-related even though it's R+L=J, but I tend to think of those obsessed with it (particularly that essayist) more as theory-obsessives rather than ship-obsessives. Not to slight shippers, I'm one myself, but it's a different kind of attitude for text analysis and projection, focusing less on proof of love specifically.)

But yeah, made up or misread jonsa theories are hilariously pervasive -- "the girl in grey" for one (it's Alys Karstark, who came to the Wall as a girl in grey riding a dying horse escaping a forced marriage. GRRM gave the answer in the book the prophecy appeared ffs, the whole story point of the prophecy is that Jon sent Mance and the spearwives to Winterfell to aid "Arya" and thus they ended up in Theon and Jeyne's storyline, but no, Sansa's going to do it all over again just because!) And my Ashford tourney crack theory they stole and misinterpreted (it was about Aegon, and about the fact nobody won the tourney because of Dunk (Sandor, lol, though I'll accept Brienne too), and I've seen people seriously considering it important even though I admit it's almost certainly coincidence and doesn't mean anything! Jonsas aren't the only ones of course, believe me I've seen some tremendous crack in my own ship, but I'm thinking specifically of cases like that where the actual text of the story (Alys Karstark, Mance, Jeyne, Theon; or the historical events of the tourney where Dunk and Egg met and Baelor Breakspear died) doesn't even seem to exist if you're only looking at edits and videos and other fanworks. It gives a wildly bizarre reading of the text if you've never actually read it.

And yes, twitter is full of these cases where the text has become irrelevant, where people make inferences and projections on top of distanced inferences and projections. Not to exclude worg and reddit, where people just make theories-on-top-of-theories, building up enormous cloud castles with no real foundation. Like the Southron Ambitions Conspiracy (textually, the rantings of a lonely paranoid woman), which developed (rationally) into the fan theory that "the STAB bloc formed to remove the Targaryens", but people use that as a basis for so much more, defaulting it as true, even though it is still only an unproven theory! And because it's maester-related and Targaryen-related, it's been mixed with the maester anti-magic conspiracy (very likely true, but also very shadily sourced within the text), into this enormous Protocols of the Elders of Hightower bizarre conspiracy theory that the Hightowers and Citadel want to control all of Westeros and killed all the Targaryens and dragons even the ones who were killed by each other and you can't trust the maester-written Fire & Blood in any way! except it's an inviolate text for the parts you want to be true and nothing is real but everything is, how dare you say otherwise.

Anyway, thank you so much re the term "sourcecreep" and that Jack Sparrow not-a-quote. Fascinating stuff.

@ilynpilled

ppl being more interested in Fandom than the actual source text is so real like they do have their own nonexistent text thats just a recycled concoction of the same bland fandom incorrect quotes tropes over and over again which deviates so much from the canon and they prefer to the actual thing lol

my favorite example of sourcecreep is the fact that if you go on reddit, pinterest, or facebook, or google image search 7 years ago, or flickr and photobucket if you're properly fandom old, you will find image edits of disney's jack sparrow with the quote overlay "the problem is not the problem. the problem is your attitude about the problem."

if you've seen enough of these edits (there are many thousands of them), you might even read those two sentences in his trademark cadence.

the problem here, though, is not anyone's attitude about the problem. it's that this quote has never appeared in any of the five films in which jack sparrow appears. nor in any of the video games he stars or guest-stars on. nor in any of the tie-in young jack sparrow novels or the film novelizations. it is not from a deleted scene or an early draft of any script. it's not from any of the disney park parades or firework shows in which jack is included as a face character with recorded speaking lines. it's not from the original ride or the re-dress of the ride post-dead man's chest.

this is a quote from the YA series the sisterhood of the traveling pants. one of the characters' coaches says it to them in one of the books because they are children in high school. there is no reason for it to be attributed to this character or this franchise besides one patient zero at some point or another 20 years ago making an image with a text overlay on picnik photo editor and uploading it to their livejournal or whatever.

anyway this is how asoiaf fans on twitter absorb information about their favs from the series and then post about it. i believe there are many such cases across fandom at large.

[novankenn]

J/C - the Idols of Beacon

--==(Table of Contents) ==--

(Chapter One - the Beginning) Jaune was a nervous wreck. His breathing rushed, and his heart crashing against his rib cage. He was convinced this was it. That his dreams would be shattered... but deep inside he knew it was his just reward for his actions. Images of what his family would do, and echoes of what they would say, caused Jaune's legs to start shaking.

Cardin glowered, he wasn't not the least bit impressed at being called out by Professor Goodwitch. So what. He picked on other students, he was a equal opportunist when it came to tormenting people. Male, female. Human, faunus. It's didn't matter to him. If you couldn't stand up for yourself, then why were you even training to face grimm.

Professor Goodwitch hadn't specified why she had sent Jaune and Cardin to the Headmaster, she just called them out at the beginning of combat class and ordered them to the Headmaster's Office. the man of the hour sat in his chair behind his desk, studying the two young men.

"Mr Winchester. Mr Arc. I has been brought to my attention that both of you have been acting in ways that contravene what is expected of a trainee huntsmen or huntress in attendance here at Beacon." Ozpin leaned forward, clasping his hands before him, "Do either of you have anything to say in your defense?"

"Defense for what?" Cardin snorted. "I've done..."

"Blackmail is a serious offense Mr Winchester... one that requires expulsion, not to mention the nearly endless complaints about your negative behavior and blatant harassment of other students."

"If they can't stand up for themselves, they they can't stand up for people when they are..."

"Interesting sentiment, Mr Winchester, but you have readily showcased your complete lack of regard to values that a huntsman or huntress should ascribe to."

"Whatever. Kick me out. I can..."

"No you can't. Once you are expelled, you will be blacklisted, and thereby unable to seek any training through one of the Academies, though it possibly wouldn't prevent you from finding a licensed huntsman or huntress who could take you on as an apprentice."

"You..."

"We can, Mr. Winchester, and we will." Ozpin stated flatly. "Now Mr Arc..."

"With your permission, I'll go and pack my things." Jaune offered, knowing full well he had no defense for his crimes.

"Unfortunately, Mr Arc... your actions while commendable for your intentions... however are far from legal. You I am afraid will be facing criminal charges."

"But... but..."

"You purposefully used falsified documentations to gain admittance to what legally is a governmental facility. That is a crime." Ozpin informed the completely panicked young man.

Ozpin regarded both young men before him with a practiced eye. Taking a sip from his mug, he prepared to give his counter offer to the young gentlemen.

"Beacon currently has a public relations issue that requires addressing. You will probably be unaware of it, but it is there and it needs to be rectified."

"What's this have to do with us." Cardin growled.

"I have done some digging into both of your backgrounds, much further and more in depth than what we traditionally do for applicants to the huntsmen and Huntress programs." Ozpin let his words sink in, before continuing. "Both of you have... skills and talents that would be perfectly suited to the task I have in mind."

"Skills? Talents?" Jaune looked at the Headmaster with pure confusion. "You already know I'm a fraud... I have no..."

"On the contrary Mr Arc, you do have training, just not in combat. Twelve years of ballet, classical and contemporary dance training to be specific."

"What does that...? I don't understand."

"As for you... Mr Winchester..." Cardin's smirk was erased as soon as Ozpin started speaking to him. "You have about eight years of dance training, some vocal coaching, and musical instruction... for what six years?"

"How?"

"I have my ways. Now to be honest I saw potential in both of you, which is why I was being lenient in regard to your behaviors and actions... however you pushed the boundaries too far with Professor Goodwitch, and as such you are now... my problem."

"So... so what's going to happen to me?"

"You Mr Arc will be give a change to stay, and avoid prosecution, however it will NOT be in the huntsman/huntress program."

"My team?"

"Unfortunately as of this moment both you and Mr Winchester are no longer team leaders, or even members of any team."

"You can't!" Cardin growled.

"I assure you I can, and have." Ozpin responded to Cardin's outburst with a flat voice and stern look. "So here is the offer, you will sign a contract with Beacon and join our Public Relations initiative, for a term of four years less the time you have already been enrolled as a students."

"And if we don't?"

"Yo, Mr Arc will face criminal prosecution, and Mr Winchester will be black listed and expelled." Ozpin picked up two almost book thick stacks of paper and placed one before each of them. "This is the agreement. Please read it. Ask questions if you have them. If you wish we can provide access to legal representation, and if you accep..."

"Do you have a pen?" Jaune asked.

"Aren't you even going to read it?" Cardin asked a little shocked at Jaune's rather uncharacteristic decisive action.

"Why? I agree or I possibly end up in jail. I'm too pretty to be in jail... I'd end up becoming someone's wife!" Jaune replied, before taking the pen Ozpin offered him.

"Please sign on the indicates lines on the first and last pages, and initial the bottom right hand corner of all other pages." Ozpin turned his gaze to Cardin. "So Mr Winchester will you at least consider the offer, or should I arrange for security to escort you and your possessions from Beacon's grounds?"

"This straight up coercion." Cardin commented as he idly flipped the pages of the document. "It's no better than blackmailing us. We either agree or we get punished... not much of a choice, especially for Jauney-boy."

"I don't care." Jaune countered, "It's like a plea deal. I do something for them, they do something for me, and if it keeps me from having forced prostate exams... all the better."

"Still..."

"You are correct Mr Winchester, this is very similar to, no it is exactly that... but it is also much like Mr Arc has described. It's a plea deal. You are admitting your mistakes, and we are taking the action NOT to punish you to full extent we are capable of."

"I'm still..."

"You can take some time to review the document... but I do need an answer before Friday."

"So two days?"

"Unfortunately, yes. With the Vytal festival being hosted by Vale, and the recent dust robberies... I have other constraints on my valuable time... your situation is not as pressing or as complex so... short deadline."

"Don't know why you're not signing." Jaune commented. "I mean it's not like they're going to more from us."

"Keep your advice to yourself Arc."

"Whatever."

"I can provide temporary lodgings for you while you consider your decision, Mr Winchester." Ozpin informed the burly young man.

"Fuck it. Give me that pen." Cardin scanned the documents sporadically as he went through the required actions. Once done he tossed the pen down on the desk and crossed his arms over his broad chest. "Signed. Now what?"

[mwolf0epsilon]

Wait I'm curious- who caused what scandal in you're previous ask? I'm very new to Tumblr and just trying to find safe people to follow and I'd like to know who I should avoid.

Keeping this one under a read more as well, but I'll give you a quick rundown.

---

I only know what I've been told by my friend but around July to late October last year nim-lock (or nimlock on other platforms), a bobadin shipper and content creator, joined the ranks of the more prominent and respectable SW fandom artists (we're talking big name artists like Kush or even Nibeul before they left the fandom), and got a lot of support from the community in general to get their art out there by hiding the fact they were a cl*necest shipper.

One day they just let it out of the bag. The other artists had long since expressed how bad cl*necest was and that they were very much against it, and nim-lock simply ignored all that, got their art promoted for free, and then when they were satisfied they revealed their true colours. It was basically a slap in the face to everyone who they'd gained the trust of.

As you can imagine this has caused lasting trust issues within the community because someone disrespectfully encroached on what was meant to be a safe space away from that sort of content, and while they've been blacklisted by a lot of the SW Fandom artists on Tumblr and on other social media platforms, they still basically went unpunished because their art gets a ton of views from those who don't care or don't know that they endorse incestuous/gross ships.

All I can really advise you to do for following safe people is to honestly just check out their posts and who they follow to make sure they aren't ok with stuff like that (example: cobaltbeam is known for being quite friendly with well known cl*onecest content creators and they follow nim-lock on twitter so those are massive red flags) .

I know there's a lot of new folks around that don't know everything that's gone on in the fandom (myself included), so I mostly give people the benefit of the doubt if they follow certain people that hide the fact they support cl*necest. My friend came to me on Wednesday specifically to warn me about cobaltbeam being in silent support of it so that was a bullet dodged.

[pipipinyyy]

Explaining why I have added every song in my entire and very long Niragi playlist because I can and because over analyzing him is my passion (I usually update it from time to time but I'll do it with the current songs)

Completely self indulgent post, but I decided to share to feed my fellow Niragi stans (*˙︶˙*)☆*°

This is entirely based on my view of the songs and how I interpret them while thinking about Niragi. I'm aware that most of them have entirely different meanings, this is just for fun :) (Also sorry if my explanations don't make much sense, English is not my first language and I might make mistakes when trying to put my feelings and thoughts into words)

This may contain manga/s2 spoilers

Hayloft-Mother Mother: Vibes

Criminal-Britney Spears: The whole song describes him ("he is a sucker with a gun") and the fandom's obsession ("mama I'm in love with a criminal")

Daddy Issues-The Neighborhood: I feel like he would act like this, using the most vulnerable spots to pick on someone ("cry little girl, nobody does it like you do")

Psycho-Jin Dogg, OVER KILL: Vibes

Riot-Hollywood Undead: He'd definitely start a riot like he did in the 10 of hearts, burning and destroying anything that crosses his path

Bitches-Mindless Self Indulgence: He most likely thinks he's a total fuckboy and popular with girls since he can get almost anything he wants out of scarying people

Baby's on Fire-Die Antwoord: Vibes

Insane in the Brain-Cypress Hill: This man is being consumed by his own way of protecting himself

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing-Set It Off: Based on how he feels towards the people who hurt him in the past ("Listen, mark my words, one day, you will pay" "You've always been a huge piece of shit, if I could kill you, I would" "Karma is gonna come collect your debt")

Death no more-IC3PEAK: Vibes

Gasoline-I Prevail: Sort of similar to Riot, ("So burn it all down, burn it all down, I don't give a fuck")

Toxic-Britney Spears: The whole fandom knows how much of a piece of shit this dude can be, but we still find ourselves liking/enjoying his character (to an extent), a toxic addiction

Nice Guy-GRLwood: As much as I love this man, he'd use the "I'm a nice guy c'mon" card just to fuck. If he wants to, he'll get it, if he doesn't, he'll most likely get mad

Dernière danse-Indila: Vibes

TRRST-IC3PEAK: Mostly vibes, I kinda see this song as how he felt the first time he killed someone on purpose inside the borderlands ("mama they say I'm a terrorist, I did nothing wrong but I got on the blacklist")

Saint Bernard-Lincoln: Vibes

Nowhere To Run-Stegosaurus Rex: Being with him at the Beach would either be ignoring each other completely or a game of tag, no inbetween. If this man wants to kill you, he'll get his fun time out of it as well ("You're gonna die, I'm gonna kill you")

The House of Wolves-Bring Me The Horizon: Based on how he sees life after being consumed by his current mental state ("Show me a sign, show me a reason to give a solitary fuck about your god damn beliefs" "What you call faith, I call a sorry excuse")

Smells Blood-Kensuke Ushio: Vibes

SIU-Maretu: Similar to Daddy Issues, don't expect this man to be a therapist. If he sees anyone crying or panicking in or outside a game, he'd most likely tell them to suck it up, just like this song.

Judgement-Kensuke Ushio: Vibes

MONSTER ENERGY GUN!-KevinKempt: Vibes + He for sure has an energy drink addiction, specially pre-borderlands

HURT-1 800 PAIN: Vibes

Fear Is The Mind Killer-Zheani: Vibes

I Bet on Losing Dogs: Based on how I know Niragi is toxic, and most likely unsaveable of his deteriorating mental state, but I still have him as my biggest comfort character ("I bet on losing dogs, I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place")

Emo Boy-Ayesha Erotica: He's been in an emo phase (and maybe still is), the lyrics are pretty self explanatory, they describe us Niragi simps perfecrly ("come on fuck me emo boy")

Crybaby-Destroy Boys: Vibes

The Fox's Wedding-MASA Works DESIGEN: Vibes

You're a useless child-Kikuo: We don't know much about his past, but judging by the unstoppable bullying he's suffered, his parents didn't care about him, or were straight up absent. He's been insulted by pretty much everyone in his past to the point of believing it and telling those things to himself ("You're a useless child, the most useless child in this world" "Drool in snot, dandruff, shit and piss" "I'm a useless child" "Nobody will save me" "I'm a lonely kid")

Take A Slice-Glass Animals: Vibes

Fighting With The Melody-Jimmy Urine: Vibes

Comics-Caravan Palace: Vibes

Rhinestone Eyes-Gorillaz: Vibes

Butch 4 Butch-Rio Romero: Mostly vibes, sort of how I think the most "peacefull" moments in a relationship with him would feel like, kind of bittersweet feeling

Suki Suki Daisuki-Jun Togawa: Yandere Niragi. If he's interested in someone, he'd go through an obsessive phase, most likely forcing the other person to "love" him. This man is so confused about the feeling of love that he's unable to tell when he loves someone or when he's obsessed with them due to his lack of attention ("Like you, like you, I love you. Say you love me or I'll kill you")

:(-The Garden: Vibes

Kitty City-Cyriak Harris: Vibes

Blood-My Chemical Romance: If Niragi went to a therapist, he'd act like this song, with his signature cocky and sarcastic personality (at least before he gets better) ("I can't control myself because I don't know how" "They can fix me proper with a bit of luck" "I'm the kind of human wreckage that you love")

A Mask of My Own Face-Lemon Demon: He feels like he needs to protect himself or else he will get hurt inside the borderlands by others again. He uses another personality, a completely ruthless one, even if he doesn't like it and hates himself for it, he doesn't see another way to deal with his fear, allowing his "new self" to consume himself. ("I'd wear that mask of my own face" "I look into my eyeholes and what do I see? A handsome motherfucker motherfucking looking back at me")

I'm a Murderer-Freddie Dredd: Mostly vibes ("I'm a motherfucking murderer")

'Cause I'm a Liar-Mcki Robyns-P: He would lie just for fun even in serious situations. If he needs to manipulate someone to survive, he'll do it his way, after all, he doesn't care anymore, he just seeks for excitement. ("Without emotion, without devotion. It's much easier to fake something happy")

I Disagree-Poppy: I don't know exactly how to describe it, but I feel like this is how he sees and feels the world and those around him, feeling misunderstood and going his own way ("If only all of you could see the world I see, then maybe everyone could live in harmony")

Personal Jesus-Mindless Self Indulgence: He has a superiority complex, that's for sure. I don't think he sees himself as a god, but I see him joking about it

Rainbow Factory-GLAZE, WoodenToaster: Vibes

Frontier Psychiatrist-The Avalanches: I kinda see this as Aguni taking the role of Niragi's "father figure" inside the borderlands, realizing he's turning insane and is unable to control him ("That boy needs therapy")

Hate it. Hate it. "JIGAHIDAI!"-WADATAKEAKI Kurage P: Jealousy. I can see it either in a pre-borderland situation where he hates the popular students in school, or inside the borderlands hating both Chishiya and Arisu. Jealousy takes over him constructing a big ego, causing himself to develop his superiority complex ("You see, I hate that popular girl!" "Does she think I don't notice? How she looks at me as if I'm trash" "I want to be praised" "I'm different from you all, I have my own ego! I'm not a side character" "I have zero common sense. I'm special")

Villain-Stella Jang: He knows damn well he's a villain, that's his goal after all, but what if someone took his point of view? wouldn't the villains be all of those who hurted him in the first place? ("We all pretend to be the heroes on the good side, but what if we are the villains on the other")

Violent-carolesdaughter: This is how I view an argument inside a relationship with Niragi. He's used to violence, to cause fear, and getting what he wants, so being in a healthy relationship would require a lot of patience and strenght. While he's getting better and suppressing those violent actions, there will be times where he accidentally uses violence or threatens the other person unintentionally, mostly hurting himself and his partner psychologically. The lyrics change between both points of view ("Don't make me get violent, I want my ring back baby that's a diamond" "She knows I'm a wreck" "I gave you all my trust and I told you just don't break it")

Hey Bunny-Baby Bugs: Based on how I think it would feel to partner up with him inside the borderlands and catching feelings for him while knowing the huge mess he is ("Hey bunny, what's with those evil eyes?" "Hey bunny, what the hell is wrong with us?" "Hey bunny, what if I loose you too? If I become the monster, together we can always be blue")

Kokoronashi-majiko: I'm pretty sure Niragi isn't able to see himself as someone able to love, even if he doesn't want to be alone (just like when he confesses this feeling while fighting with Chishiya and Arisu). If someone truly loved him and was willing to not letting him go, it would hurt. He can't see himself as someone who can love or be loved, so he can't accept the love he's seeking for in case that turns him "weaker" making his true self confront with the protective mean personality he's created. He could learn how to accept it, so he might want the other person to stay in the end, but it wouldn't be easy for him to accept it ("It's awful, I'd rather you destroy my body, tear it to sheds, do as you please" "No matter how much I'm loved by you, my heart is just one" "I don't know this, don't leave me alone")

Nightmare Parade-FAKE TYPE.: Vibes

Slipping Through My Fingers-Meryl Streep, Amanda Seyfried: Niragi seeing himself loosing his young, gentle and caring personality due to his fear, being unable to control what's happening inside, nostalgia and sadness kicking in ("The feeling that I'm loosing her forever" "That funny little girl" "Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture and save it from the funny tricks of time")

Kuroneko No Tango-Pink Martini, The Von Trapps: Vibes

YKWIM?-Yot Club: Him confroting his feelings of loneliness when he's left alone with his thoughts ("It feels like I care too much when I'm alone, oh no")

Romantic Lover-Eyedress: Just appreciating his physical appearance ("She's a killer, I love her features")

Wrecking Ball-Mother Mother: Based on how he sees himself as someone who needs to destroy everything in a way or another in order to be powerful + the fun he has with it ("Call me a reckless wrecking ball" "Let's break it just because we can")

Edge-Rezz: Vibes

Freaks-Surf Curse: Again, confronting feelings when loving someone, but not in such a painful as Kokoronashi ("I need a place to stay where I can cover up my face" "Don't cry, I'm just a freak")

Little Bit-Lykke Li: Vibes

6up 5oh Cop-Out (Pro/Con)-Will Wood and the Tapeworms: Vibes

PHONKY TOWN-PlayaPhonk: Vibes

I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE-Måneskin: Freaky time. He would absolutely love this song, definitely his type of thing ("You could be the beauty and I could be the monster" "I wanna touch your body so fucking electric" "I wanna make you hungry, then I wanna feed you")

#BrooklynBloodPop!-SyKo: Vibes

A Cold Freezin' Night-The Books: Vibes

A Pearl-Mitski: My most favorite song to associate with Niragi. Represents his evolution as a character. Creating an scenario where he is loved by someone,he rejects it at first, acting tough ("I don't want your touch") and then proceeds to explain why ("It's just that I fell in love with a war, nobody told me it ended" "it left a pearl in my hand and I roll it around every night just to watch it glow") the war being the borderlands and his new personality, he loved it, but nobody drew a line and it's getting out of hand. The pearl is the feeling of power, the one he has to remember when feeling weak just to feel something. At the end of the song it changes to ("Sorry I can't take your touch"), realizing that he wants love, but he's not able to take it or else he'll become the Niragi from the past

Problematic-Bo Burnham: Him acknowledging his problematic actions but not wanting to apologize because he doesn't feel the need to. He knows he's done bad things but he is going to laugh at it and be a sarcastic mf about it

First Love/Late Spring-Mitski: Similar to Kokoronashi, he wouldn't be able to accept love and how it makes him feel. He would think that he prefers for everyone to hate him and be lonely instead of sacrificing his tougher side. Also talks about how he's grown way too quickly for him to understand feelings properly ("So please hurry leave me, I can't breathe, please don't say you love me" "One word from you and I would jump out of this ledge I'm on baby" "I was so young when I behaved 25, yet now I find I've grown into a tough child"

The Other Side Of Paradise-Glass Animals: Vibes

Bodybag-Chloe Moriondo: How I feel about liking his character, confronting feelings basically ("Don't know if I hate you or if I wanna date you" "I don't wanna like you, I just wanna tie you up, then keep you in a cage and watch you sleep for ages"

Get Into It (Yuh)-Doja Cat: Vibes

Psycho Killer-2005 Remaster- Talking Heads: Vibes

HOT DEMON B!TCHES NEAR U!!!-CORPSE, Night Lovell: Vibes

INFERNO-Sub Urban, Bella Poarch: Again, another song that describes him pretty well ("Baby I'm the reason why hell's so hot" "Terribly like terrible, she's a villain" "Think I'm getting butterflies but it's really something telling me to run away")

Bad Morning-Omori: Vibes

Trouble Brewing: Vibes

Dueles Tan Bien-Bruses: Another song about my confronting feelings with this man ("You know what? You taste better than alcohol to me. You know that and you've got control" "Because you hurt, and you hurt so good that I don't know what to do")

And that's it!! This took me the whole day to write but it makes me very happy to be able to share it :)

I've you've read the entire thing, hope you enjoyed the character analysis! ლ(◞‿◟ლ)

[alannahaisling]

The day I slipped into a Panic and anxiety attack.

This, this is going to be long winded.

I'm just going to come out and say it. No, I don't want sympathy. This is just me using this particular blog for what it was meant for. A space for me to vent, to be my authentic self. To reflect, to just let things spill out from my mind through my fingers and onto the screen on which you may be reading this.

First things first. The Icons I'll be using here are not rp muns, they are simply my emotions on display. My IRL self as displayed by characters I adore from the Teen Titans fandom.

Ooookay lets get down it.

I help moderate a stream, have been doing it for a while. I became fast friends with the streamer and pull long hours. Roughly 4-5 hours per stream, unless I have class the next day.

To my knowledge, nobody ever had an issue with me. Save the odd person here or there, that may have disagreed with me, but at least they would tell me to my face, and I would shrug it off and move on. It was as simple as that.

My friend, who I love to death, has on more than one occasion had to reassure me that I was actually doing a good job. I lost count how many times I asked if I needed to improve, or if there were any rough areas that may need to change.

A good chunk of the time, they would just kinda raise their voice, and be like. "Damnit, you're good. You're fine." and then try to cheer me up with silly cat pictures. My ultimate kryptonite.

This friend of mine has worked with me for a few years now, talking about deep heavy personal stuff. They know I am medically diagnosed with ptsd, social anxiety, and have been dealing with depression for years. So they're not a stranger to my triggers and I love them for respecting when I need to just be alone, or only want some quality time one on one for a few hours. You hear that you knucklehead? Yeah you, I know you at least read this shit.

Moving on.

On friday, we had a.. bad night of it. Not even an hour in, after happily gathering folks who wanted to play the chosen game with us that night, someone. Who I will call 2P, dumped a huge paragraph, attacking my character and personality as a mod, in my friends private discord DMS.

2P for months, had been telling me to my face, that they saw me as a best friend, that anything I ever said and or did would be safe to do. You know the whole, you can trust me bit. I blindly trusted, and hind sight maybe I shouldn't have.

Meanwhile the entire time, I apparently had been talked about behind my back, negatively for a while? I don't know.

So we paused the stream, and go into another server that's locked down to a limited set of people and discuss it. Friend is, PISSED, but is trying to not yell, and asks me what we should do about it.

In my head I'm just reeling. I'm asking my friend, if I'm a bad mod, if I've fucked up somewhere, I'm totally confused. I can't concentrate, and there's this choking hurt in my chest. One I know all too well.

The feeling of dread. The feeling that I messed up, that I'm useless, and a fraud.

My friend is trying hard to make sure I'm okay, by this point they know, this has fucked with my head. In a huge way. 17- going on 18 years of therapy suddenly going down the drain, spiralling out of control.

They Cut the stream short.

I'm exhausted, tired, feeling beaten. I just say a few things to 2P and leave their discord server, kick them from my private one, and from the one I made for my streamer friend for the game we play with other people. In addition, also a possible person who may cause me issues, because 2P's probably been shit talking me for a few months now.

Friend is arguing on my behalf, another mutual and their friend, instantly demands to get in call. We'll call them... Uh.. Fuck, Tataru , and Estinien for sake of ease. Tataru is having none of it, they are witnessing my typed anxieties. They are hearing our mutual friend, trying very hard to not just *yell*.

2P is dropping the nasty paragraph in other dms now, belonging to other regulars. It's escalating pretty fast. I am now a villain, and a victim in one role, and 2P is also playing the role of victim because my dearest friend just told 2P Off.

"2P, isn't getting it!" My friend is saying with a calm anger. "2P is just constantly going on and on about how (my name) is bad for the stream." Or something to that effect. "They don't even fucking realize how fucking hurtful they are being."

"You need to stop responding." Tataru is saying. "Just, tell the mother fucker, NO and block 2P on everything."

I guess 2P is quickly realizing that they are losing the fight, so they come into my dms. Shit forgot to block them there. I think in my head, and I see them trying to bring the argument to me. They tell me, that I'm handling the situation all wrong.

I don't even respond. I'm tired. I'm just done. I'm mentally slipping back to the days I was mentally and emotionally abused, and gaslit.

GASLIT.

GASLIT!

I block 2P. For my mental health.

Estinien with their calming voice, is outlining streamer etiquette rules. 2P is definitely out of line, as a viewer. If we want, Estinien can pretty much hit up a wider streamer network, and have the name of 2P blacklisted from other communities.

By this point, another regular is talking to my friend asking what is going on. Then another. Slowly, I read through logs my friend has dumped into the 4 person private call.

Then I see it.

"I'll just lie through my teeth to her about why I'm leaving or something. Just don't tell (My name) I said any of this. " In regards to the in game guild My friend and I Co Run.

Silently mutter to myself. Not that the others can hear me, my headsets broken. "Ah, the other shoe has dropped. 2P's been lying to me the whole time. I've been gaslit all over again. No wonder I feel like I do."

Estinien and Tataru get sleepy and go to bed. My friend stays up as long as they can as I sort my head out, trying to timeline events. I'm given logs, screen shots. 2P's been blocked. I lock down my twitter for a day. I lose 20 hours sleep.

I spent those 20 hours of no sleep, asking and apologizing to regulars if 2P has ever talked to them about me. Most of them say NO, and reassure me I'm a good mod, that I make the stream warm, fun, welcoming and comfortable for all kinds of people.

A good friend of mine, who I will ironically call Angellica, because we call each other sis, and I view myself as Eliza from Hamilton. Once had told me to be careful with 2P from the start, because they had a bad vibe about them, is PISSED off, and yeets them out of an in game group chat. "Fuck em, 2P's a troll."

I realize, that Angellica literally stood by and chose my happiness. Cause yeah, I thought 2P was someone I could trust. After what happened though, I realized that I had been mistaken and apologized, To Angellica.

Now 2P is going around seeing who still will consider them friends, or are neutral parties. I was made aware of this because one of them, a mature friend actually asked me what 2P was going on about. So I gave them the run down. They were disgusted with 2P's behavior.

Now a days, 2P takes screen shots of anybody on twitter, that has blocked them and smears their names.

2P still doesn't get it.

But I'm moving on from it.

I have screenshots and logs. But I don't ever plan on releasing them publicly.

So yeah, 2P if you ever come across this, and figure out I'm talking about you, I severed ties with you, because friends don't lie to each other, Friends don't talk behind each others backs, they don't force other good close friends to sit on the *truth* of how you feel. Friends can disagree, and can have different opinions.

But You burned your bridges yourself.

I've always had a three strike ruleset.

One: You lied to my face multiple times.

Two: You pretended to be my friend.

Three: You actively gaslit me, and my friend.

Sooo THAT'S why I cut ties with you. Your behavior after that was just you playing the victim, and none of us 30 plus year olds were just going to sit by and let you have your 20 something year old tantrum.

I bare you no ill will, and I doubt any of us are going to even blast you in an open space like twitter releasing the logs or screen shots. I'm just noping out of this parasocial relationship because that's all it was. I refuse to be used, as a way for people to get close to and use my friend as they work on their passions and goals.

Adieu 2P , nothing was lost the day I walked away, except all the work my friend did to get me out of my isolated shell. But you know what? They'll just pull me back out, and support me 100% You'll never break us up.