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roseenindigo-blog · 4 months ago

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Doing some of these with Lotus b/c I'm in the mood to rant and I will never pass up an opportunity to info dump about my bbg:

Apperance:

Honestly, I can't see him having one. Lotus suffers from pretty low self-esteem, and I feel like he would probably see himself as ugly (even tho he's drop-dead gorgeous)

In my head (mainly due to me being a huge platonic simp for him), I love to imagine him wearing a black dress, particularly a strapless floor-length dress with a slit, but realistically, I think he would opt for smth more masculine, like a long sleeve black dress shirt, black dress pants, and black dress shoes

Absolutely (for reasons explained in question 1). I think he would most likely opt to make himself taller and overall bigger looking, considering the fact that him being so short and small makes him more of a target in Underfell

While I don't think he would wear it out a whole lot cause he feels they don't make him look super presentable, I think he really loves wearing fuzzy things, like fuzzy hoodies or garments lined with faux fur

It depends on who's scars you're referring to. If you're talking about HIS scars, he definitely thinks they're super ugly and is rather insecure about them. If you're asking about OTHER PPLS scars, however, I think he would think they're fine, even kind of attractive (cough cough, Rurik, cough cough)

Not a lot, mainly b/c a) he's an alt, so most trends to fit his style, b) he usually doesn't care that much about how strangers perceive him, and c) he's too depressed to keep up with them

Less so physically, but I definitely think Lotus would want to be more like Goth. After seeing the trend 'what would your character look like without trauma', I thought about what Lotus would look without trauma, and I came to the conclusion that he would basically just be Goth. This revelation sparked a whole idea where Lotus is extremely jealous of Goth, and essentially views him as what HE'S supposed to be.

He has 3. 1) His singular red eye light, 2) his razorblade shark teeth, and 3) (my own personal headcannon) his hips that just don't quit

Since he's a skeleton and thus doesn't really sweat/produce odors the same way humans do, I'm not really sure he'd have any natural smell, but if I had to give him a sent, I think he would smell smth like oak wood and sweet apples; smth dark and sophisticated

BOOTS. LOTUS IS ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED WITH BOOTS, AND NOBODY CAN CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE. He probably has at LEAST 30 and phsyically CANNOT pass up a sale on them

His favorite colors (black and red) are pretty much the only colors he wears. The only other colors I think he would wear is maybe green on occasion, or maybe smth with white accents

Kind of. While living with his parents, they really only provided him with the most basic of clothing, and it's not like he had the funds or freedom to get anything. Once he finally got away from them and started buying his own clothes, I think he would start really leaning into alt fashion, particularly grunge (probably b/c I'm grunge lol)

Lingerie for sure. He's way to self conscious and insecure to wear stuff like that

Probably more feminine/cutesy stuff. I think he'd have a lot more of a desire to wear more feminine clothes than cutesy clothes, but he probably would still feel like he couldn't really pull off either

It really just depends on what it is. If you picked smth that matched his style, he'd probably be willing to try it out, but if it doesn't, he would immediately toss it right back into your face. I also imagine one of his pet peeves is ppl giving unsolicited advice/criticism to his outfits

It depends on what you notice about him. If you see him as a small, tiny, physically weak person, you'll probably be in for a bit of a shock when he attacks you with his quick wit, snarky remarks, and magical prowess. However, If you pick up on his sharp teeth, resting bitchface, and defensive posture, you probably won't be surprised to find out that he's rather feisty and hotheaded.

I think his favorite holiday is probably Halloween and he'd definitely find cosplaying to be cool, but I don't think he'd really enjoy just wearing costumes himself. That being said, he gives absolutely no shits about what other ppl do, so as long as it doesn't negatively effect him or his loved ones, so if you want to, he has 0 opinion

I think he really digs his usual outfit, but he also really like wearing oversized band tee-shirts with baggy ripped jeans that reveal fishnets underneath, paired with a belt chain, spiked leather bracelets, and combat boots

Since he's a skeleton, he physically can't get tattoos, but I headcannon that his human counterpart would have a bunch of them. Some of them included the hunter's mark and the vile bloods' sigil (both from Bloodborne - his favorite video game) on his upper arms, wings on his shoulder blades, and a Lotus flower on his wrist (his first tattoo)

Objects:

His scarf. He usually will find some sort of way to incorporate it into all of his outfits. He also doesn't really like not wearing a hood, but he's more willing to go without that

Money. I imagine he'd just give them a basic bitch card with $20 in it or smth of a similar vain. He probably wouldn't really ever have to do this tho since he doesn't really talk to ppl that much and he's usually not too shy about letting ppl know he doesn't like them

Plants. I definitely love following idea that Lotus has a green thumb despite being a the literal demigod of death, and often admires and buys them. He would also probably admire different types of food, considering I also like to follow the headcannon that he enjoys cooking. And ofc, him being the little nerd he is, books. Man is obsessed with reading, and probably has a whole library atp. He wonders around book stores like a kid in a candy shop for hours until some (usually Rurik) pulls him out

I don't really think there's an *item* Lotus lost that he can't get back, considering that I don't take him for the materialistic type and he probably took all the objects that do hold sentimental value with him when he left his parents house

Maybe if it was smth he really needed but was stupidly overpriced. He probably wouldn't usually tho

Coming back to his love of plants, I think he would be really proud of his garden and houseplants. He's spent a lot of time and money tending to them, and he definitely takes pride in how nice and well cared for they are. He would also be devastated if anything bad happened to them. Another good, but repeating answer is his book collection. I do imagine it would end up getting pretty massive as time goes on, probably covering a whole wall, if not more, in his and Rurik's house.

No. Like previously stated, he's not a super materialistic person, and he extremely responsible and mature in general, so naturally he is also financially responsible

It would probably have to be if one/multiple/all of his loved ones' lives/livelihoods was/were on the line (i.e. Rurik, his children, his siblings, or his friends). Maybe if his life/livelihood was on the line, but considering his depression and struggle with suicidal thoughts, it depends on what stage of his life its happening at, and how he's feeling mental that day (as upsetting as that is)

Most likely give. I imagine he feels a bit awkward receiving gifts, both due not being used to getting them and having low self-esteem, but would find enjoyment in getting ppl thoughtful items that shows he cares and pays attention to them

Knifes. I'm pretty sure its cannon that both Lotus and Goth have a fear of knifes. I don't necessarily have a definite reason for why Lotus has this fear (I certainly don't have any explanation for Goth), it probably has smth to do with past abuse he's suffered, like from his parents, or maybe even Rurik

Edgy shit, like black clothing, spiked jewelry, or satanic items

Not usually. Maybe sometimes his plants tho. I like to think he would have some sort of plant that would remind him of Rurik, like a cactus with an orange flower on it or some tiger lilies. Following that train of thought, he'd probably get plants that symbolize/remind him of his loved

I know I've already given these answers several times, but plants and books. Lotus has his hobbies and he sticks to them

I feel he would be slightly embarrassed about how much he wants weapons replicas/character figures from his favorite games/shows. Maybe less so the fact the he wants/has them and more so how much money he's willing to/has spent on them

Probably handmade, but it honestly just depends on what it is. Like, if you gave him a handmade crochet bikini and a store-bought bouquet of flower, he'd definitely like and appreciate the flowers more, but overall he would appreciate the time, energy, and thought that would go into making him smth

Not usually. Once again, he's not super materialistic and doesn't have great self esteem, so not only does he not really have a whole lot of things he wants at a given time, but he also feels bad having his loved ones spend money on him. He prefers/feels the need just to do/get things himself

The quality of whatever he's buying. While he is definitely financially responsible, I think he'd rather buy smth that's more expensive but of higher quality than smth cheaper that's of a lower quality

I'm definitely gonna do more of these later, I've just already done over 35 of them and I'm too tired to continue rn lol

🌸My Super Long Hopefully Fun Character Ask Game:

👕Appearance

What is your character's favorite physical trait they possess?

What would your character wear if they were told they had to gussy up?

Is there something about your character's appearance that they would change if possible?

Does your character have a favorite material they like to wear?

What are your character's opinion on scars?

How much interest does your character take in trends?

Is there someone your character tries to look similar to?

Does your character have a physical trait that they're known for?

What does your character smell like?

If your character could splurge on a particular garment, what would it be?

Is your character's favorite color a color they wear often?

Has your character gone through major stylistic or physical changes?

What is something your character would refuse to wear?

Is there a style your character is afraid they can’t pull off?

Would your character wear something someone else picked out for them?

Is your character's appearance more telling or deceiving?

What are your character's thoughts on wearing costumes?

Does your character have a favorite outfit?

If your character had to get a tattoo what would it be?

📦Objects

Is there an item your character doesn't like to leave without?

What gift would your character give to someone they didn't like but felt obligated to?

What type of object is likely to catch your character's attention?

Is there an item your character liked that they can’t get back?

Would your character ever try to haggle?

What is something your character is proud to own?

Does your character ever spend more than they have?

What would it take for your character to give up an item they really like?

Does your character prefer to give or receive gifts?

Is there a type of object your character doesn’t like?

What might an acquaintance think is a good gift for your character?

Does your character personify objects?

What does your character most enjoy shopping for?

Is there an item your character is embarrassed they own or want?

Would your character prefer something bought or made personally?

Is your character willing to ask for things?

What is most important to your character when shopping?

🍽️Food and Drink

What flavor would your character say their personality is?

Would your character prefer baking, cooking or mixing drinks?

Is there a food or drink your character is unwilling to try?

How big is your character's appetite?

Does your character consider eating fun?

Would your character eat or drink something they didn't like to appease someone?

Is there food that has made your character sick?

What is your character's favorite food group?

Does your character like to try new foods?

What is a childhood meal your character cherishes?

Is your character food motivated?

Which mealtime is your character's favorite?

How much does your character care about wasting food?

Does your character prefer restaurant food or home cooked food?

What food or drink does your character consider a treat?

Is there a food texture your character doesn't like?

What kind of drinks does your character prefer?

🌤️Weather and Nature

What would your character do if they were suddenly caught in the rain?

Has your character had a meaningful encounter with an animal?

What season would your character say they're most similar to?

Is there a natural phenomenon that scares your character?

Has your character ever had an animal phase?

Would your character enjoy sky gazing?

Does your character have a good sense of direction?

What type of environment does your character like best?

Is your character good with animals?

How would your character react to snow?

What part of nature would your character most resonate with?

Could your character survive in the wilderness on their own for a week or more?

What element best represents your character?

Does your character prefer hot or cold weather?

Is there a creature that scares your character?

What celestial body would interest your character the most?

Is your character good with plants?

How willing would your character be to nap outside?

What animal would your character say best represents them?

🤝Community and Relationships

Does your character prefer company or solitude when sick?

What is your character's favorite kind of social event?

How comfortable would your character be singing and dancing in front of others?

Is your character upfront about their feelings?

Who would your character first seek if they needed medical help?

How willing would your character be to go to a party with people they don't know?

Who is your character most honest with?

How likely is it for your character to initiate a friendship?

Where is your character's comfort place?

Is there a habit your character has that they learned from someone else?

Does your character have people they think would worry about them if they got injured?

How would your character react to being put in a position of leadership?

Would your character be good at providing medical assistance?

Who would your character say knows them best?

Is there a person your character would turn to for backup in a fight?

Who would your character most want to sign their cast if they got one?

How well does your character work with others?

What is your character's favorite form of affection?

Does your character enjoy celebrating holidays?

What would it take for your character to get into a fight?

💓Mind, Body and Soul

What is a habit your character has that others might find cute?

Are there particular sounds your character is fond of?

Is your character more prone to fight or flight?

Does your character believe in myths and fairy tales?

What words could tear your character down?

How well does your character act under pressure?

Is your character good at practicing self-care?

What scents does your character find comforting?

Does your character have any allergies?

Is your character a light, medium or heavy sleeper?

Does your character have strong willpower?

Is your character more likely to give advice or seek it?

How does your character relax?

Is there a secret thing your character longs to hear?

Does your character have a sleep routine?

Would your character feel confident in a fight?

Is your character more energized in the morning, afternoon or at night?

How often does your character have nightmares?

Are there scents your character dislikes?

Is there a fear your character wants to learn to overcome?

If your character had to act in a play what role would they think they’d best perform?

Does your character have a high pain tolerance?

🎲 Hobbies and Activities

What kind of games does your character most enjoy playing?

Does your character have a secret hobby?

What is a talent your character wishes they had?

Is there an activity your character used to enjoy that they now dislike?

Which does your character try to prioritize more, work or hobbies?

Does your character work better with creative or technical endeavors?

What is a talent that your character is proud of?

Is your character more outdoorsy or indoorsy?

What is a topic your character would be excited to talk about?

Is there a skill your character doesn’t know they’re bad at?

Does your character have any injury stories?

What kind of music does your character enjoy?

Has your character ever made something for themselves or someone else?

What is your character’s opinion on cheating in games?

How good is your character at following through on projects?

What’s an activity that reminds your character of someone else?

Does your character prefer music or silence?

What is a topic your character wouldn't want to talk about?

#undertale #undertale au #ship child #lotus sans #lotus death #fell goth #rambles #rant #info dump #headcanon

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garetthawke · 2 years ago

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i do get the whole "don't hyper analyze your identity to an extreme degree and arrive at micro labels that individualize your experience to the point you think you can't relate to anyone and only focus on the differences between you and everyone else," its a good post and concept.

but like. i do not like the idea that's present in some of the comments, that anyone who points out differences within the broader community is voluntarily drawing lines, and that all narrower identities are bad and restrictive. some of those lines are drawn FOR us. some of us exist within the broader community and actively get othered by our own community members for our differences.

talk to a butch about their experiences with other community members. talk to trans fems. talk to people with some of these "micro labels" about why they sought out specific other people like them, why they needed solace and community specifically within those smaller identities instead of just within the broader lgbt.

even the letters of "lgbt" are technically micro labels under queer, and exist for a reason. talk to any trans person and ask why its neccessary to have a specific community outside of just "queer." there are needs that quite literally will not be met if we don't have spaces to specifically cater to them. it stands for, at the very least, every large branch of the lgbt+. there are practical reasons why many of us need our own spaces, our own care groups, our own funds, etc.

and i have SEEN people say that we don't need to identify as gay, lesbian, or bi; or to identify as any particular gender other than "nonbinary" or "trans."

theres is absolute poison in the idea that embracing our identities is somehow an evil to be avoided. that having labels is some unhealthy fad.

ANYTHING is problematic when taken too far. there IS a trend, especially on this site, of people over analyzing and taking micro labels to a degree they don't need to, for their own mental health.

but swinging to the other extreme is. literally just as bad. telling people not to have any identity or labels and that they basically only need to identify as "a sexual/gender minority" is beyond fucking stupid and harmful.

its GOOD for people to realize the value of having a broader community and that bonding over our shared experiences is important. but as a gnc nonbinary lesbian it absolutely reeks of privilege to say to us that there is no value in smaller communities/identities, and that we are making those distinctions on our own in the first place. you think cis queer people don't draw those lines FOR us? you think the gender conforming people in the community don't ever treat us poorly?

there is SAFETY in plenty of our sub communities, and you can warn off over self analysis WITHOUT belittling the importance of many of the smaller communities/identities we have. and you can also do it without sounding like the privileged douchebag that assumes we made all those distinctions about ourselves in the first place, instead of having been discriminated against for them.

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beautifulpersonpeach · 2 years ago

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Hi BPP! Do you like and listen to any SME groups? I've been trying to get into some of them, and a lot of kpop fans seem to really respect them, so I was wondering if you had any thoughts or recs?

Ask 2: BPP I've never seen hive mind like in SM stans who think SM entertainment is the pinnacle of art and Lee soo man is God. Is this where company stans came from? Cuz nobody capes harder for that bloodletting, human slaver, tax evading creep like SM stans and it boggles my mind that they worship this man when so many idols have gone to COURT to fight him for their BASIC rights and it happened less than 10 years ago!! I was in a Twitter space yesterday and an SM stan shawol was DEFENDING lee soo man????? Huh??? How many idols have to DIE due to poor care AND HAVE HIM ON TRIAL FOR SLAVERY for SM stans to be reasonable? It's like they were brainwashed and it disgusts me to no end. Even his shareholders are taking him to court bc he STILL CONTROLS THE COMPANY PROFIT AND IDOLS. I can't even think of getting into their music when that ONE company has been the source of so much pain for DECADES the whole enterprise should be burned down. WHYYYY are people into SM?????

Hi Anons,

(Not putting the s in brackets because there's no way in hell you're both the same person lmaoo)

Why are people into SM? I don't allow kink shaming on my blog Anon2, just so you know.

SME is respected by some people in spite of everything, because SME knows how to find and develop talent (the company also receives the most in government funding so I'd be surprised if they didn't), and is one agency that well executes delivering a fully immersive 'k-pop' experience. The company also knows how to make good music (despite what some of their most popular tracks suggest), but SME is also constantly handicapped by its limited expression of artist creativity. In my opinion.

SME is the longest running k-pop agency, and the genre is literally oversaturated with their music. I'm not sure how many people know this, but Lee Sooman started out as a singer and one Korean band I remember seeing in my home as a kid was Masamtrio, a k-pop band he belonged to. I'm mentioning this because Lee sooman (SM Entertainment literally stands for SooMan Entertainment) has historically strongly controlled everything that goes on in that agency, including how formulaic his artists sound (*cough* Yoo Young-jin *sneeze*), and consequently why much of k-pop is the way it is today. SooMan is a singer and a self-professed 'method' man, and if you've been reading my blog for some time now, you've probably seen me mention how many k-pop vocalists sing in a particular way that I've grown very bored of.

My views do contrast with the mainline k-pop thinking that puts SM artists as the height of innovation, citing groups like Aespa for example because the group includes AI members and is set in the Kwangya metaverse...

Do the AI girls actually do anything? No. Can anybody actually explain what Kwangya is? No. Do any of the (human) Aespa girls regularly contribute to composing, songwriting, dance, anything? No. But boy do those girls give you attitude, down to how they enunciate "level" in Next Level. It looks and sounds cool and that's enough for some people.

So I guess that sets the tone for the rest of this post. Lol.

SM has a formula that works, though it hardly ever includes direct input from the idols themselves. The company sticks to certain themes and the artists are trained to present in certain ways, and that's why the company is able to build a stable following of fans. Long story short, SM specializes in producing performance artists, so if you're all about performance art and don't care for much else, SM has got you more than covered.

But the thing for me with SM, is that after a while the company became predictable in what it churned out, in the sort of idols and music it produced. And I think anyone who has been into k-pop for a while will tell you the same thing. For example, when talking about 'idol typecasts', generally speaking here:

Taemin + Kai = Ten

BoA + Yuri = Seulgi

I could list a few more but I don't want to piss off their stans reading this more than I've already done at this point, and anyway I think you get the gist.

In terms of music, the sound of this company is decidedly Black. Like Black in the way that they hardly ever try to change up the sound at all (and I'll explain a bit more below). For a group like NCT for example: their sound is essentially trap music + hyper-pop + contemporary R&B, with musical motifs literally lifted off classic Black artists (who aren't always credited). An example:

Take 7th Sense by NCT U. In my opinion, the whole song sounds 'inspired' by Me & U by Cassie. Listen to timestamp 0:35 - 0:44 in 7th Sense.

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Now compare it to 0:35 - 0:50 in Cassie's song.

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Like I can't be the only person who hears it's the same song just pitched lower, slowed down, and punctuated with rap verses...

All of k-pop borrows heavily from Black music and Black creators, but no agency does so more than SME in my opinion.

All this said, there are some groups/songs I like:

NCT. Specifically NCT 127 and NCT U though the other units are alright too. The sort of hiphop NCT produces is a synthetic analogue to actual hip hop (which is closer to what BTS produces) but it's recognizable and similar enough to the hip hop I listen to. The syntheticness of their sound is likely the result of certain SooMan disciples in the company (again *cough* Yoo Young-jin *sneeze*) remixing and sometimes bastardizing the work of Black songwriters and producers. By this I mean, many SM songs are made by hosting blind camps to source music directly from Black creators (though those creators are not always paid fairly), and then that music is given to the lead producers in SM who often do the final arrangements. Most times the result is that trademark Frankenstein noise music, but sometimes it actually works.

Some songs I like: 7th Sense, Limitless, OK, Simon Says.

I like that some members in NCT contribute by sometimes writing their rap verses, but I'll be honest, NCT's lyrics annoy me often and there's also the thing of SM SMing the heck out of the bridge like ... why the fuck does this company stuff into a song as many randomized modulations as possible? It rarely works, most times it's a poorly timed distraction. But anyway that's not a ding on only NCT - every SM group has this flaw. Like they'd be better off letting more of their artists write their own music. IMO. There's also a reliability tiff I have with the group - their genuine bops are few and far in between. Like I can't stand 2 Baddies. Again IMO.

Another group I like is Red Velvet and see above for my talking points on the group. One thing I'll add is I'm less into their 'Red' sound, and more into their 'Velvet' songs, and again see above for reasons why. i.e. their Velvet sound is very Black R&B with almost nothing done to change it up from the Black classics the songs appear to be inspired by (based on my hearing at least), and so as that's a genre I recognize immediately and like in any case, it's easy for me to take to their Velvet concept songs.

Some songs I like: La Rouge, Automatic, Wildside, One of These Nights.

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I also really like Ten and would rank him higher than many SM favourites such as Kai and Baekhyun. But maybe that's just me.

Anon 1, I haven't exactly given the most glowing review of SME and their sound, but I hope it helps to know I left out many ugly topics and details. Like I said, the company knows how to develop talent and make good music, and many idols under their management are undeniably talented, some I'd even call artists. Since you already seem to like them, I'm certain you'll discover your favourites soon enough.

Good luck 💜

#music asks #sm entertainment #kpop #red velvet #nct

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trannydean-moved · 3 years ago

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RvB Merfolk!AU

In the news that I'll be unable to get on the internet soon, I'm making sure I posted at least one more AU of mine before I have to leave. And the one I've chosen is my merfolk AU!

Basically, the RnB's, most of the major Freelancers, and the PFL AIs are different species of merfolk. Almost everyone is a different type, so that means there are a lot on unique designs for everybody! I haven't gotten to it yet, but I'm hoping to be able to draw at least some of them and maybe post them on here (preferably whe I have a phone and a better camera).

In this AU, the Freelancers have their own pod that is unusually large for the present day's standards. (Pods are what I'm calling a group of merfolk. If there's an official name for groups of merfolk then please let me know!) Due to their dwindling numbers, a pod of 3-5 is the common number, although pods will come together briefly to migrate to better feeding grounds. The Freelancer pod, however, consists of nine members, including multiple healthy adolescents. They are led by a strong leader, Carolina, with equally great co-leaders (I can't come up with a better name rn), Tex and Carolina. The pod is constantly moving, making them very hard to locate, which is their intention. It's better to stay always on the move so no one can find them.

Then we have Charon Industries, run by old multimillionaire Malcolm Hargrove. To the public, Charon Industries is a scientific research organization who research rare marine species to learn more about them to "allow humankind to understand these endangered species". Of course, that's not what they're really doing: they actually capture merpeople and other marine species to experiment on them and shit. They have public displays of species other than merpeople for the public to see, and give the excuse of "merpeople are at a higher intelligence and conscious levels than these other species and shouldn't be on public display as if they were animals themselves" so none of the public eye gets to see them. This is a good reason to not have public displays, so everyone goes along with it. But really, they don't care about the merfolk's "higher intelligence and conscious levels" and see them as animals, like every other creature they're experimenting on.

Felix, Locus, and an OC of mine known as Archer are all poachers for Charon (Sharkface would be too but he's got to be a mershark. I mean come on). There are multiple scientists who work behind the scenes, including Doyle and Kimball (who is working like CT in PFL), and several interns only working in public-friendly areas (these interns, ofc, are Chorus cadets, as well as Delaware). These interns WILL cause trouble and you WILL enjoy it.

Then there's the PFL AIs. They are all merbabies who were made in one of Charon's labs. Lots of them died days, hours, or even minutes after being created, so the only survivors are Delta, Theta, Eta, Iota, Epsilon, and Tau. They're all a recent project Charon started on, so during the present-time for the fic, they are all very little.

And then we have a merfolk sanctuary known as Longshore. It's run by Florida (who else right haha), and Freelancers like Wyoming, Utah, Georgia, the Triplets, etc. work at or with the sanctuary, along with some other Chorus kids who are mostly college/graduate school students who are volunteering for extra credit and such. And Dr. Grey is the sanctuary's doctor. She used to work for Charon years ago, but she spoke out about their unethical ways and was immediately fired and made to look like a crackpot so no one believed her. Of course, this comes back to bite Charon later, so joke's on them really haha. This sanctuary is where the RnB's are at. They'll come up later.

The Director is a scientist interested in Charon's studies, unknowing of how unethical the company is. He wants to fund them in their research, but he's heard faint rumors of how Charon is secretly awful, so he's trying to find out if these rumors have anything behind them first. So yes, he's not a complete douchebag... it was a hard decision to make but here it is.

Now, onto more of the plot. Hargrove catches wind of the Freelancer pod, and ofc he is interested. No one has seen a standalone pod as big as theirs in years. Decades. Possibly even centuries. Hargrove thinks that there's something going on with them to have as many members in it and he wants to know what it is. Like that's any of his business, but whatever. So he results to “let’s capture a few of these guys to see how different they are from other merpeople I have stored in my collection”. (Literally nothing is different, other than they're actually healthier than most of the other merfolk he's captured. He doesn’t care and just decides to keep them.)

So he sends his poachers out to search for them. It's extremely hard to do so when they're always moving and no one knows where the hell they are. It takes literal years of constant work in the field for them to find even a trace of the pod.

But unfortunately, they eventually catch up with them. They're able to capture Wash and Mich, two of the pod's adolescents. Archer realizes that these two aren't even adults, and while his partners don't care, he does care, and is not liking the fact the company has resulted to capturing young ones now. And so begins Archer's redemption arc.

Meanwhile, back in the ocean, the Freelancer pod is furious that two of their members have now been captured. Carolina immediately leads them all in the direction the poachers went. Some of the more pessimistic members (*cough* South *cough*) say that Wash and Mich are long gone, but no one is giving up. Pod members are extremely loyal to each other, and none of them are going to abandon their captured friends. They eventually meet up with Niner, a lone merperson who happens to be a great navigator, and she joins up with the pod to help look for Mich and Wash.

Then there's stuff that ends up leading to one of Charon's interns, Del, Kimball, and Archer rescuing Mich and Wash, as well as the surviving AI merbabies, and taking them to Longshore. Mich and Wash are traumatized from being separated from their pod and for everything they went through at Charon, and are immediately assigned to the Reds and Blues pod. They gradually warm up to their new pod, but obviously they are still wishing they were with the Freelancers.

The AI merbabies are each assigned to an older merperson to take care of them. Mich originally only has Tau, but all of the others (besides Epsilon) are unhappy with the merperson they were assigned to, and they all decide Mich should be the one who takes care of them. Mich is at first delighted they all like her... but then she realizes how exhausting it is to take care of a bunch of merbabies and it's stressful. At least it's a distraction from worrying about her pod...?

Eventually, Niner is able to locate the sanctuary, and in turn Mich and Wash! The whole pod is so happy to see them again :) so they try to break Mich and Wash out so that they can all leave. Mich and Wash are overjoyed to see them again! But they've got all these merbabies now and they don't know if it's safe to move them around... Carolina reassures it is (she did help raise Mich after all), but Mich and Wash aren't so sure. Eventually, the pod gets caught trying to break Mich and Wash out, and Florida does his best to explain that it's best for Mich and Wash to recover from their traumatic experiences while not having to worry about getting caught all over again. After a lot of problems and arguing, the pod decides to stay at the sanctuary.

Meanwhile, Hargrove is furious that Mich and Wash seemingly escaped. He believes someone let them out but doesn't know who, so he's now suspicious of everyone. Del, Kimball, and Archer are all trying to gather up enough evidence to convict Hargrove of all the shit he's done. It's quite difficult, however, to get cameras in or out (every employee has to go through one of those metal detector doorways that airports and stuff have every time they enter or exit the building). So there's going to be a plan involving on of the other interns and their relatives who will visit the public-friendly displays, smuggling the camera to the area the merfolk are kept, and not getting caught on surveillance cameras while capturing the evidence. They'll get the evidence to the Director, who brings the issues to the public. Hargrove will get charged for experimentation on creatures and all the other shit he's done, and uh all the scientists involved will have to go through court stuff. Idk how this sort of thing would work so I've still got to do research to get more details out of this.

Now I'm going to give descriptions on everyone in the Freelancer and Reds and Blues pods, because it's necessary and awesome, and honestly what I'm most proud of so far with this AU.

First, I'll start out with the Reds and Blues pod. Sarge is one of the longest residing residents at the sanctuary. No one other than Florida knows his story and he doesn't want to talk about it. I haven’t figured out the whole thing yet but I’m thinking that his whole pod died somehow, maybe a pack of orcas, and Sarge got injured and Florida rescued him. He's a bull shark merman, and as you would expect, has a huge temper and a liking for violence. He is not afraid to resort to violence for his first reaction to anything, especially if it's to protect his pod. Because he doesn’t want to lose this new one like he did with his previous one :) He is the leader of the Red Team portion of the Reds and Blues pod. (Sarge has insisted on a separation between the Reds and Blues since the beginning)

Grif is a laid-back koi merman who would rather be sleeping than dealing with everybody else's shit. His and Kai's parents got killed by hunters when they were kids, and they were rescued by the sanctuary soon after. He often steals other merfolk's fish snacks if they don't eat it fast enough, and is known as the ultimate food snatcher of Red Team. He isn’t the most friendly and doesn’t like to socialize like his sister does, but he is pretty close to Simmons.

Simmons is a dolphin merman and is the most skittish little booger that you've ever met. I know there's a ton of different types of dolphins, so I'll try narrowing it down to something more specific, but I wanted to go with something more than the trademark bottlenose. Anyways, he got abandoned by his parents after his tail got mostly bitten off by a shark. He washed up on a beach and was found by one of the previous volunteers. Dr. Grey was able to save him, and made a prosthetic for him, kinda like in that movie Dolphin's Tale. He's been scared of most of everything since losing most of his tail, and all of the Reds and Blues try to help him overcome his fears. Grif is the one who he becomes comfortable with first, and they have been pretty inseparable ever since.

Donut is a cuttlefish merfolk because they are so shiny!!! I think they can change color so that seems like something Donut would like. He's still pretty young, barely out of his adolescence stage, and is a peppy ray of sunshine who does his best to make everyone smile. He is the one who does his best to make sure all newcomers are happy in their new environment. He had been found as a young merkid wandering around with just Doc as his companion.

Doc is one of those bioluminescent fish you find deep in the ocean. Not necessarily an anglerfish, maybe something slightly less scary. Maybe a dragonfish? Anyway, everyone is scared of him at first, especially as he begins growing into his normally terrifying features, but he's the nicest guy you've ever met. He and Donut have been friends since they were very young, and they plan on sticking it together till the end.

I know I really should have Lopez here, but I really don't know what to put him as. Maybe a blow-fish because "passive-aggressive prickly butt hmph" but how would a blow-fish merman work??? If he got startled or angry, he would get too round to really fit along with the human portion of the body. Maybe he could just be a regular blow-fish that hangs around the sanctuary.

Church is the leader of the Blue Team portion of the Reds and Blues pod. He's definitely a shark--maybe like one of those smaller fast sharks—makos maybe? He really doesn't want to deal with anyone's shit, not now, not ever. He didn't really want to be leader of the Blues' side, but Tucker is incompetent, Kai is too young as well as incompetent, and Caboose is... no (they tried that out once and it ended in a disaster). So, the job was left up to Church. He actually found the sanctuary rather than being brought there—he had been bringing Caboose here because he wanted this guy to leave him alone and he thought the sanctuary would be the best place for him. Church just ended up staying.

Tucker is a shark merman as well—probably something calmer though, like maybe a nurse or lemon shark. He has a pup named Junior who is a shark merkid too. He had gotten separated from his pod when Junior had nearly gotten eaten by a squid in the midst of the pod migrating. By the time Junior was out of harm's way, their pod was long gone. They wandered for a long time before the sanctuary brought the two in. The two were able to fully recuperate and now Tucker is back to being his obnoxious stupid self. No one missed that.

Caboose is a squid merfolk, because eight arms and two tentacles means ten extra limbs to hug with! He is literally ginormous and often intimidates those who do not know him. He’s tries very hard to not hurt anyone with his suckers as he hugs them, but sometimes he forgets if he gets really excited. He was found by Church, who had been looking for someone that definitely wasn't him, and just latched onto him. Literally. Church had been the first merfolk Caboose had seen in who knows how long and Caboose would not let go of him for the first few days.

Caboose has a pet... starfish? Who looks all cute and harmless but haha watch out. Those who are mean to Caboose will get a nasty surprise. AKA slow and steady, Freckles the starfish climb up them and bite them. It has happened multiple times to Church, which pisses him off very much, and Caboose has to remind Freckles to not go after Church.

Kai is Grif's younger sister and also a koi merfolk. She's more yellow than her brother and definitely more friendly. She is a social butterfly (sea butterfly?) and likes to mingle with the other pods at the sanctuary, as well as her own. Grif says she's too young to remember their parents being killed by the hunters, but she actually does remember and is quite traumatized from it. Any mention of hunters makes her swim for cover :(

And now for the Freelancer pod! Carolina is a very strong shark merfolk. Maybe like a tiger shark? That’d be rad. She became the leader of her pod (which had been consisting of just herself, York, Mich, Tex) after her adopted mother stepped down to allow Carolina to take her place. After Carolina became leader, the pod began migrating around a lot to find lone merfolk to join them. She's a good leader and always puts her pod first. She loves her pod very much and would do anything for them. Including go through the entire ocean to find their two youngest members after they got abducted by stinky poachers.

Are otter merfolk a thing? They better be because that's what York is. If not, I'm making them a thing now. Because otters are playful as shit and like if he proposed to Carolina by giving her his favorite rock I would die (yeah I know that's a penguin thing but could it be this guy's thing too?). Also aren’t they really good with their hands? They use them to beat clams and shit with rocks so like yeah that’s cool. Otters are just awesome and it’d be cool to see York as one. Anyways he and Carolina have known each other for a looong time. Like, since they were really young and all of their parents were still alive. I'm thinking both his and Carolina's parents might've gotten abducted by poachers because why else would they feel so strongly about poachers and staying away from them?

Tex is a great white shark merperson, period. I can't think of anything better and really, I don’t need to. She was a part of Carolina's pod before parents started getting fishnapped, and was some sort of nanny except super badass. After most of the other pod members were abducted, Tex was the only one left who was old enough to lead, so she did. She also raised three moron merkids, so to keep them all safe and raise them into smart(?), healthy individuals earns her mother of the year award. Once Carolina was old enough, Tex let her take the seat as leader because it was Carolina's birthright anyways. No slaying heirs to the leadership title here! Tex is a good team player now, and she and Carolina are NOT enemies <3

Mich is the younger sibling of York, so she's a merotter as well. She was just a baby when her parents were abducted, and she was raised by the joint contributions of her older brother York, Carolina, and Tex. Who knew raising a little baby was so hard! She was an asshat baby who was very difficult to wrangle and she loved making her caretakers' lives a living hell. But she settled down a bit after Carolina became the leader and they started migrating around, because now she had more places to roam and more things to occupy her with. She tuned down even more so when they picked up Wash. Now she had a friend to mess with and she was able to redirect her mischievous spirit into something other than torturing Tex and the others—torturing Wash! Don't worry, he was okay. He helped her calm her stupid ass down, and she helped him not be such a worry wort.

Wash is a dolphin merman, I think. Maybe a smaller dolphin like a spinner? Or whatever those pretty black and white ones are called. His parents were snagged in some poacher's nets and he had to flee for his life. Carolina's pod found him soon after. He was quite traumatized and stuck in a deep shell but Mich was able to help him out. They became immediate best friends. I mean at first he was genuinely scared of her crazy… everything, but he soon realizes her intentions are well-meant and she’s not so bad.

C.T. is a young octopus mermaid who joined very soon after Wash did. She and Wash had actually been a part of the same pod before his parents had split from the pod. C.T. was very happy to reunite with Wash, and vice versa. C.T., Wash, and Mich became quite the trio because I said so. They are all just best friends. There is much chaos. When Wash and Mich get abducted, C.T. is very scared for them. She is among the most earnest to travel far and wide to find them again. She needs to get the other two members of her trio back :(

North and South are eel merfolk because I say so. They are complete opposites in all ways except one: they are extremely loyal to each other. And they both have purple eel bodies. Though North has a darker purple body and South's is more lavender. They were making it pretty okay on their own, after South had run (swam) away from their pod and North had followed. But they were happy to join Carolina's band of misfits when they came along. South wasn't too thrilled to join when she found out little nuisance creatures were there (*cough* Mich *cough*) but North loved them, so she went along with it.

Maine is an orca merman because yes big dolphin big man. He is selectively(?) mute and only talks when it's really necessary for him to do so. He had been alone for many years before Carolina's pod found him. It took him a while to once again get used to being around others, but everybody helped out with that. He eventually showed his weakness for dumb children because he often took Mich and Wash and C.T. off of York's and Carolina's and Tex's hands/fins to take them playing/exploring for hours. Everyone was very relieved for the peace and quiet.

Niner is a barracuda merperson. She joins after Mich and Wash are captured and the Freelancer pod are on high-travel mode. She had been alone for a long time and decided joining a good, strong pod like the Freelancers was a pretty good idea. Besides, she is an expert at navigating the water currents and oceans in general, so she proves to be a valuable asset to finding Mich and Wash.

Then the AI children! Delta is a sea turtle merbaby. He is definitely green and a very practical child. He is constantly questioning everyone else’s logic on everything and it can get annoying but they still love him. He was the most agreeable merbaby out of everyone, so Mich favored him over most of the other merbabies when she had to take care of all of them. All the same, she was glad to give him up to York once he came along. York was a bit perplexed about a merbaby as serious as Delta but he just went with it lmao.

Theta is an octopus merbaby. He usually stays a mixture of purple and orange and is very skittish. He is very clingy and likes to wrap his arms around the few people he is comfortable around (Mich and North mainly) when he’s scared, or just any time really. He wasn’t like the most difficult merbaby to deal with, but he was always literally hanging off of Mich’s arms so she was very happy to hand him off to North. Theta immediately bonded to North which was very good, and North loved him as well. South isn’t so keen to have this kid around but she ends up loving him too. Theta comes to love his new aunt after he realizes she isn’t as scary as she likes to act <3

Eta and Iota are twin seahorse merbabies. Eta is very scared of everything, and Iota is a very happy merbaby. Eta is yellow and Iota is blue ofc. When Eta is feeling scared, he curls his tail around Iota’s and it’s honestly really cute. Mich found it hard dealing with them because Eta was a fussy merbaby who was scared of everything, so he cried a lot. Iota did his best to comfort his twin but there’s only so much a newborn can do. Carolina wasn’t thrilled to hear if she took one, she took both, because the twins are a buy one, get one free situation. She ends up warming up to them though.

Epsilon is a type of crab merbaby because I say so (also he’s crabby haha). He is different than the other merbabies because he’s more land-abiding than the others. He’s got claws and is always willing to snap at somebody, whether he’s unhappy or not. He is assigned to Wash, and is the only merbaby besides Tau to be all right with the merperson he was originally assigned to. Wash is sort of frightened by Epsilon because he’s always snapping at everybody and has this perpetually grumpy look on his face, and honestly wished Epsilon didn’t imprint on him. But alas, Epsilon did, and Wash is the only person, mer or not, that Epsilon fully likes and snaps at the least. He looks an awful like a baby Church, which everyone wonders why the fuck he looks that way…

Tau is a squid merbaby because red!! He is a very curious child who is all into swimming off to find new things to discover. He uses all eight arms and two tentacles to touch things he probably shouldn’t. Tau was Mich’s favorite because he reminded her a bit of herself. She decided to keep him as her own after the Freelancers came and took up all of the others. Tau likes to lay on Mich’s stomach while she’s floating on top of the water like baby otters do with their moms <3 She held all of the merbabies like that and Tau seemed to take a liking to it the most.

And that's what I have so far! I love this one ngl (really I love all of my AUs) and I'm excited to draw their designs and write stuff out for it.

If anyone has suggestions about this or any of the other AUs I will be posting about, don't be afraid to send an ask or discuss it in the posts!

Tagged: @queerchorus (if anyone else wants to be tagged in my AU posts, lmk!)

#rvb #red vs blue #rvb au #rvb merfolk!au #aloe's aus #hope everyone enjoys this!!!#i came up with lots of this on the fly while i was typing this out lmao

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inappropriate-aunt · 3 years ago

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PSA for people on college campuses in the United States: If a group of people are on your school's campus shouting absurdly inflammatory shit (racism, homophobia, basically a ton of hate speech): DO NOT ENGAGE. Don't even go near them. It will be tempting because they will shout directly at you. Pretend they don't exist. Walk right past or avoid the area they are "preaching" in.

Why?

Short answer: They want to draw a crowd so they can solicit money from their donors and so they can try to get people to do something that they can sue over.

Long answer is these groups are lawsuit machines who have mastered the art of free speech lawsuits. They go to public spaces where they can't legally be removed (like college campuses) and they shout things like "You sodomizing slut, you will go to hell!" And a slew of homophobic, antisemitic, transphobic, racist bullshit. They will make it seem like they are talking about you and addressing you directly. Don't fall for it! They are actually using careful body language/word choice to present themselves as speaking generally for legal purposes. They are trying to rile you so you will assault them and then they can sue you and the school. They are simply scammers.

They really make money from this?

Yes. In two ways. From lawsuits and from donors. They draw a large crowd by shouting ridiculously inflammatory things. They are usually recording this to show their donors. The person recording will often be a minor for additional legal protection. They are hoping that you will assault them or throw something, try to take the camera away from the minor, fling hate speech back at them- any action that they can use to either start a lawsuit or to make videos to show their donors.

They can't sue me, they don't even know who I am! Besides, I have literally no money.

Yes, they will be able to sue you directly and they can take money that you don't have yet. They will subpoena for your information. They can hire private detectives to find you and include the cost of it in the lawsuit. You have no money? Doesn't matter. A ruling in their favor and you're paying this lawsuit off for the rest of your life. Not to mention having to get the money together to get legal representation. Just stay away from them. Definitely do not touch them or their stuff. Don't throw anything at them either! Seriously they will sue anyone for anything they can and they are very good at this. Just avoid them altogether.

Why doesn't my school kick them off our campus?

Free speech laws protect them. A lot of universities in the US have public spaces where the university cannot legally remove someone even if they are screaming at people. These people know exactly how far they can push and still be technically lawful. Basically if anyone can walk through the area, it's public and if the school tries to remove them, the group will sue and they will win. Millions of your tuition dollars. They come back every semester attempting to trick new students. Don't go near them, and tell your friends and classmates about this scam.

Remember their primary goal is NOT what they say it is- their words are meaningless tools of provocation. They will say whatever they think might provoke a verbal or physical attack. They know exactly what to say and how to say it so that they are legally protected. If you want them to leave, don't give them a reason to stay. Give them nothing. Avoid them.

But millennial grandma, I'm not going to assault them or do anything illegal. I'm just watching them because they are so ridiculous. They can't make any money off that, right?

Actually, this is how they get the money to fund their lawsuits. By recording themselves preaching to a crowd it looks like their message is reaching the Youthz. They make videos of them "bringing god to Whateverville University Students" and show how effective they are at drawing a crowd. "Look at how many students we are reaching! Look, some of them are even recording us! See how the sinners yell at us but we do not care, for we have God in our hearts and we are trying to save them. Please give us a donation so we may continue to do this important work." Blah blah blah- all that. It's effective.

Nah, millenial grandma, I'm going to ruin their recording with my clever retort! I just can't be silent about this bigotry!!

Simply by being there you are giving them something to show their donors. By engaging with them in any way you prove to their donors that the "work" they are doing is reaching people. Even by yelling something silly like "gay pony sex 420 i poop rainbows" you give them a clip to show their donors that this work is 'necessary' because "Look at how corrupted these young people are! We need moneeey to saave them." You're not going to shock these people or get under their skin by kissing someone of the same gender in front of them. Remember that they do not care about the words they are saying. Your actions will be recorded and used as 'proof' for their donors that this money is needed to save you poor, poor sinners.

Plus, editing software, y'all. They can mute your voice, blur your sign, dub over your words- make whatever edits they need in order to convince people to give them money to 'continue their mission'. Just avoid them. If you have to pass by them- Literally pretend they aren't there. Don't even look at them. Footage of people walking past someone preaching on the street is boring. It is the most effective way to take away their ability to make money and discourage them from coming back and harassing others. Stay far away from wherever they are so that they don't have a crowd. Footage of people preaching to no one doesn't get donations. That is how you fight back against their hate.

Okay okay, I got it, thanks. Just let me make a tiktok real quick-

Fool! They can use that too! "See how the students mock us? We must get more donations so we can return to their campus to save their souls!" And anyway, why signal boost their hate?

Remember: these groups aren't actually there to 'bring you religion' or have an academic debate about theology, or whatever they claim. They are there to use you to make money. Ignore them. Tell your friends it's a scam and that they should ignore them too.

#psa #university #college life #college #freshman #i fucking hate these groups #how dare you take the passion and love that students have and provoke them into attacking you #ruining their lives so that you can have more fucking money

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metronome · 3 years ago

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99: Fierce Creatures (1997): As the one and only Jesus Christ himself once said 'it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of A needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!' and what this 1997 comedic romp presupposes is . . . . he was right.

Bringing back all your favourites from A Fish Called Wanda and adding my faourite Assistant DA from Law and Order, Fierce Creatures is a movie that you just couldn't make anymore, manly because lead actor/writer John Cleese is very busy doing publicly funded documentaries about how you just can't say anything anymore! in the country he's from but doesn't pay taxes in and so he's too darn busy to make a movie that actually DOES confront the mechanisms of power and in my (surely charitable reading of a mostly silly movie) presents the fact that for the workers to receive what is rightfully theirs the mega-rich man (pig) they hand their labour to for pennies, must die. A quick rundown of the plot is as follows, Rod McCain played by Kevin Kline is Rupert Murdoch even while being in the film an adversary of Murdoch. His company Octopus Inc goes around the world buying businesses, mining them for any capital and then selling them for the next new business ready to be shelled for profit. He ends up acquiring a small Zoo in England sends Rollo Lee (John Cleese) to run the ship all while raising profits to the needed amounts for Octopus Inc. He's almost immediately usurped by Jamie Lee Curtis as a former Executive whose original job was erased in a deal just as she signed her contract. 'Don't worry we'll find you a job, there';s always jobs' Rod assures her while ignoring his son Vince McCain, also played by Kline Once all the players are in place we watch as the workers eventually realize they control the means of production, the manager class either gain class consciousness or accept it in order to secure their own means, and in the end everyone is happy or dead. Of course my reading is maybe a little more didactic than the filmmakers, especially considering the final third of the movie is entirely re-written/reshot thus needing two director credits. But it's all there on the screen, it's not MY fault no one else gets it This movie is the first of a running sub-list of movies that I watched multiple times with my Mom or my Grandfather, this one was my mom and we both enjoyed ourselves immensely, specifically every thing Kevin Kline did whenever he was in spitting distance of the camera. The cast is a reunion of the admittedly superior A Fish Called Wanda, although now John Cleese for some reason has a terrible dye job. Kline is doing a LOT and while I could see people not enjoying it I think it's manic delight. Jamie Lee Curtis is the one left holding the bag as she's basically a walking sign for being horny and so doesn't have as much to do but the small moments she gets she uses fully. Small mention to Carey Lowell as a beautiful zookeeper (and the ADA I mentioned above who 15 year old TC had a lot of complex emotions about) and my man Ronnie Corbett the short British comic with huge glasses who has guided not many of my choices but idk we share a lot of descriptors!

As with Meatballs this movie isn't perfect, and almost certainly not as good as A Fish Called Wanda but it takes me back to my youth and the fond warm embrace of a time when actually you could fucking hate rich people and the commodification of life. Miss those days RIP xoxoxox My favourite line is 'Excuse me gentlemen I need to be alone .. .I uh feel a bit . . . suicidal!' as spoken by Kline. Better heard then read I am sure. In closing I am a true contrarian and so when everyone says Oh this isn't as good as their OTHER movie I have to prove my punk bona fides and say ACTUALLY you're wrong and ACTUALLY I am right and it is GREAT to murder rich people. With Satire! 10.10

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rpmemesbyarat · 4 years ago

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RP meme from Scream Queens Ep 4 "Haunted House" (Note: Offensive content, use at own discretion)

A girl died in this tub.

There's no record of any of these names except for one.

Oh, my god, there's two of them!

I own Halloween. It's my jam.

Halloween is the most important day of the year. It's the one day on the Gregorian calendar where you're allowed to go around terrifying children and not be branded a psychopath.

I am a future network news anchor who's super classy and has almost no fat on her body.

A lot of my fans are, like, friendless dumpy coeds at this or that nursing school in one of this country's various national armpits.

They put down their hot pockets and bask in the warm glow of what it feels like to love me.

I went shopping with my comatose grandmother's credit card and bought presents.

Oh, my god, it says my name!

I hope the severed leg brightens up your trailer park.

You're a bright light in my life, and I wanted you to know how much you impress me with your frumpy spirit.

You are so devastatingly mediocre and adorable!

I can't wait to see you in person, but before that, I'd like to see you post this all over social media, to exploit it for my own gain.

Aah! It's a rotting jack-o'-lantern!

Aah! This box is just filled with blood!

She got me a razor apple!

I stole this cadaver head from an ophthalmology student just for you.

You're the most important person in the world.

So you didn't see anyone in a red devil costume entering or leaving the house?

Are you coming to the precinct pig roast this year?

Come on, she's obviously the killer!

Do you mean to suggest I changed out of my nightgown, strapped myself into a skintight pleather red devil costume, climbed out a second-story dormer, and shimmied to the ground with a chain saw before entering a window I had left open, tried to kill you, then leapt out the window, climbed back up the wall, changed back into my nightgown,

and raced downstairs, all in the course of about 90 seconds?

Clearly that's got you a little freaked out.

I'm not gonna hold any of this against you, and I'm gonna let you be my date for the faculty Halloween party.

Attempted murder!

A guy was almost killed tonight, okay?

Now, no, I'm not a detective, hell, I ain't even a cop, but what I am is somebody who watched every one of those Cosby mysteries, okay?

See? Dismemberment!

I am so sorry that I pushed you out of my car and drove off real scared.

I just can't believe that How To Lose A Guy In 10 days is your favorite movie, too.

In precisely two and half minutes when we go in there, you let me do all the talking.

What are you dressed as?

Oh, you have a squirrel. Don't see that much anymore.

Breakfast is almost ready, we got meat today.

What can you tell us about that night?

Now, we will keep your name out of it, of course.

'm a vault,

And to get in this vault you need a key. Now, you may ask, a key to what? It's a key to meaning. Once you've found the meaning, you don't need the words. You know what I'm saying?

Please, continue with your story.

Have any of you ever heard of "negligent homicide"?

We need to dispose of this body on our own. Now, I've got everything we need in the kitchen to make sausages out of her.

I'm gonna go downstairs, shut this party down, and then we'll get the body out of here.

Somebody has to watch after the baby.

Can you at least turn on the radio?

Just leave the details to me.

We can't just act like this never happened.

She's the devil, that one.

I looked at that baby up close. I know my peas and carrots. That baby was a girl.

Your support doesn't matter.

My campaign needs a theme?

My pumpkin's drunk.

I'm hosting a haunted house to raise money for sickle cell anemia.

Why are you holding a fund-raiser, though?

I don't think you understand the magnitude of the miscalculation you just made.

I can assure you you will not be winning an election anytime soon. And when you lose, I am gonna make it my lifelong passion to destroy your reputation.

You're a stuck-up little sociopath, and everybody in this room knows it.

It might behoove you to recall that everyone here witnessed you actually murder someone

Just sharpening knives.

Put the knives down.

I don't know what came over me.

How very adolescent of you to think of this.

It vaguely smacks of something my six-year-old sister would be excited about.

It's the most disgusting disease in the history of mankind.

You get it when you don't even understand the most basic tenets of oral hygiene.

Just give the dang thing its pot of gold already!

I ain't got no candy!

Bet you're a sexy dirt-covered girl. That's what I bet you are.

Sometimes I come out here and I just rub my hands on the gravestones.

I get you more than anyone.

I also find the thought of dead bodies extremely arousing.

I just don't understand why I have all these dark feelings.

You know, I just think our generation's had it too easy, you know? We haven't seen enough horrible stuff. There's no awesome diseases randomly killing people. There's not really any awesome wars to go off to and witness horrific things you can't unsee. We, like, pulled out of all of 'em.

Sometimes I just don't even feel like I'm living, you know?

The only time I feel anything is when I'm thinking about chopping up a body.

And here you are, saddled up with an uptight girlfriend who freaked out for no other reason than the fact that you just wanted to fantasize about having sex with her lifeless corpse.

Oh, my god, I got a total chub right now.

Not scary enough.

She'll let you in the back door.

What could be scarier for an adult than a child coming to murder them?

Isn't that all of our greatest fear? That the pain, the regrets, the mistakes of our youth will destroy us in our adulthood? That we can't escape our inner child. One we would rather forget, but who, at the end of the day has all the power.

Why are you lying to me?

Something does not make sense.

You got to give me more here, okay?

I don't understand what you're getting at.

Are you on bath salts?

Why are we even here?

This house is haunted.

There's a legend in this neighborhood about a woman who wailed about her dead children. And this was the house she lived in.

These dumb ol' kids are smoking crack.

I think it's incredible what you can find out with just a quick trip down to your local library.

This can be one of the rooms for the haunted house.

What exactly do you plan on doing at this haunted house?

I was thinking we could blindfold folks and make 'em put their hands in a bowl full of grapes we peeled, so it'll feel like eyeballs.

I think the reason you want to have a haunted house party is 'cause a haunted party is like a buffet for murderers.

Yeah, yeah, you can just go around killing anybody you want and ain't nobody even gonna even notice.

Just like you chopped the arms off that dumb-ass golf guy.

Why do you have it out for me?

So now you look at me and see everything you could've been.

I hope you have a good time at you haunted party and get to murder lots of folks.

You have this way too thought out.

Isn't this kind of nice?

My sense of personal identity is completely external.

I really don't have much to offer.

I've found that my particular style of speaking and gesticulation is extremely off-putting to most boys. And girls. And anyone.

I need to eat. My blood sugar is crashing.

I'm tired of depriving myself of joy and sustenance.

I may die at the end of a serial killer's blade, but I refuse to die hungry.

Which one of you ladies would like to be my costume for Halloween? I'm going as "dude having awesome sex with you."

I mean, what in the hell's wrong with the world where a guy can't even whistle at a chick just to tell her she looks hot?

I recently took a women's studies class. Yes, because it was a requirement, but I learned a lot anyways. Like the culture that says it's okay for a man to objectify a woman for her appearance is the same culture that pressures girls as young as ten to have eating disorders.

So you're basically saying I'm the one responsible for making you look hot?

When you treat us like meat, you're no better than him!

I'm not really sure how you got my number, but I like how you took the initiative and texted me where you wanted us to meet.

Do you think you're man enough to take me inside that house and attack my crack?

I'll sure this house has an amazingly romantic basement.

Hey, so, uh, a little awkward since we're about to bone down and everything, but, um, what's your name?

Smells like roadkill.

I've never been so scared in my whole life.

All right, if we go to the police, they're gonna see I'm still rocking a mad sidepipe, and they're gonna think I had something to do with it.

We have to warn people.

All right, everybody listen up! All of your lives are in danger!

There are dead bodies! Dead bodies. Real-life dead bodies.

Did you say dead bodies?

Those are like the most lifelike dead bodies I've ever seen.

Is that a real dead body?

There are five dead bodies in that house. Laid out in horrible and deliberate macabre poses.

You are not leaving this house tonight.

You make it harder and harder to believe that you're not the killer.

I found out something really interesting, and now I have a theory.

Everything is weird about that story.

I mean, it's too big a coincidence.

We have to figure out who that woman was.

#rp meme #rp memes #rp starters #roleplay memes #roleplay meme #roleplay starters #scream queens

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unicornprincessinthetardis · 6 years ago

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My (often relatively reasonable) dad: ...so Enoch Powell was right, what he said has happened.

Me: and you don't think maybe he could've said it without inciting racial hatred and literally saying that in time the rivers might run with the blood of 'native' British people because of immigration, do you?

My dad: no, you're being ridiculous, it had to be said, and there really are areas of cities that are majority black or Muslim now so he was right in his predictions, and it didn't change how things were anyway

Me: *goes away to calm down and read up on the 'Rivers of Blood' speech*

[I already knew some of this but here's a précis for those unfamiliar: in April 1968, in Wolverhampton, UK, a Conservative MP, Enoch Powell, made a speech, about the proposed 'Race Relations Bill' (which subsequently made it illegal to refuse housing/ employment/public services to people on the grounds of race/colour/ ethnic & national origins).

The speech was strongly anti-immigrant, calling for 'voluntary re-emigration' and for moves to be made to stem the tide of immigration, else Britain would be 'overrun' and sooner or later white British people would find themselves fully second-class citizens, and that in some ways they already were. He also talked about a "tragic and intractable phenomenon which we watch with horror on the other side of the Atlantic", which I take to mean immigration in the USA to the similar end of white people no longer being in charge - which in 1968 was so far from the truth, and just horrible baseless fear-mongering, playing on people’s xenophobia and racist prejudice - and compared pro-immigration/anti-discrimination newspapers to the ones that had denied and hid the rise of fascism and threat of war in the 1930s. Plus, he talked about a constituent of his, a woman who lived on a street that had become occupied by mostly black people, who lost her white lodgers and complained to the council for a tax rate reduction because she wouldn't take black tenants, and instead basically got told not to be racist, and presented it as a bad thing that she'd been treated like that.

The speech's common name comes from a phrase he quoted from the Aenid (because he was also a Cambridge-educated classics scholar), 'I seem to see "the River Tiber foaming with much blood"', although he just called it 'the Birmingham speech' and seemed to be surprised by the uproar he caused.]

Me (to self): So it didn't change things did it? How do you explain the attacks against nonwhite people where the attackers literally shouted his name and repeated his rhetoric? Oh, they would definitely have happened if he hadn't made that speech, wouldn't they? And the British people of foreign descent who were so afraid they might be removed from their lives just for not being white they always had cases packed to go? And the fact that experts says he set back progress in 'race relations' by about ten years and legitimised being racist/anti-immigrant in the same way UKIP and some pro-Brexit types have done within the last few years here (fun fact: immediately after the Brexit vote, people were being racially and physically abusive to visibly Muslim and/or South Asian people, telling them to leave because of Brexit, which was of course extreme nonsense because their presence would be nothing to do with the EU, and more likely the British Empire and the Commonwealth, but they were doing it because it seemed suddenly okay to be openly racist, because Nigel Farage and his ilk, and a legally non-binding vote surrounded in lies, said so) and others have done elsewhere, in the US and Europe and Brazil and so many other places.

Powell was interviewed about the speech in 1977 and stood by his views, said that because the immigration figures were higher than those he had been 'laughed at' about in his speech, he was right and now governments didn't want to deal with the "problem", were passing it off to future generations and it would go on until there was a civil war!

He also said he wasn't a 'racialist' (racist) because he believed a "'racialist' is a person who believes in the inherent inferiority of one race of mankind to another, and who acts and speaks in that belief" so he was in fact "a racialist in reverse" as he regarded "many of the peoples in India as being superior in many respects—intellectually, for example, and in other respects—to Europeans." (I mean, I know I can't hold him to our standards but a) that's still racism and b) he did think that mankind was divided into very distinct, probably biologically so, races, which, yes, normal for the time, but the whole 'each with different qualities and ways in which they were better than others' is iffy)

Me: *goes back to Dad to make my point and definitely not get upset* So here are some things that literally happened as a consequence of the 'Rivers of Blood' speech...

So even if he was correct to say what he did (I mean, he wasn't but you have to tiptoe around Dad and I had points to make), he shouldn't have said it the way he did

My dad: so you think the truth should be suppressed? You're only looking at this from one perspective (he thinks he knows better because he was alive at the time and my brother and I weren't despite the fact that we're both into politics and history and, y'know, not into scapegoating, behaving oddly, and laying blame because people are different to us - he and mum also have issues with trans people and we're trying so hard to change their views/behaviours but I'm not sure it's working & that's a whole different story) and there are these areas that really are Muslim-only (because informal lending and wanting to keep the community together is such a crime, right?) and they don't integrate and want to impose Sharia law (only he couldn't remember what it was called right then) and you don't know what it's like (he is an engineer surveyor and travels all over to inspect boilers and cooling systems and all sorts of stuff, and this includes into majority-Black or -Asian (Muslim and otherwise) areas in Birmingham - which is not a no-go area for non-Muslims, I'm a deeply agnostic white woman, it's my nearest big city and I wish I went there more often but it's tricky as I don't drive, public transport is bad/inconvenient, and I have no friends to go with except depression and anxiety [which are worse 'friends' than the ones that I found out only liked me in high school because I always had sweets and snacks at lunch so when I got braces and my mouth hurt too much to eat much of anything which meant I certainly didn't have snacks, they dropped me pretty quickly] so apparently he's the expert on all such matters)

What I wish I'd said: *staying very calm* well, and that's your opinion, I'm going, I've got sewing to finish *leaves*

What actually happened:

Me: have you considered that they are able to buy up areas like that because white people leave because of their prejudice against the 'influx'?

Dad: they buy up great areas because they buy in groups (I think this refers to a sort of community lending thing to be compliant with various parts of Islam? [Please correct me if I'm wrong] which is effectively what building societies/credit unions were, at least to begin with, and he doesn't take issue with those) and want to stay together. Why do they do that? Sikhs don't do that, they buy big houses and aren't bothered about being close together.

Me: different religious ethoses? I don't know... But you do know that they people who want the UK to be a caliphate ruled by Sharia law are just a minority, and that most Muslims would not want that at all, just like you?

Dad: but they still do want it, and it could happen, if there was a charismatic leader,

Me: *incredulous* you know it's about as likely for that to actually happen as for strictly Orthodox Jewish people to be able to make this country into another Israel, right? Besides, there are the police, and the armed forces, and intelligence agencies, not to mention the Government and civil service (thought I'd got a win there, he hates the unchanging upper-class-public-school-Oxbridge nature of the people who effectively really run the government, constant no matter the leaning of the elected party, but no) who have a vested interest in preserving themselves in their current state so would be able to stop anything like that

Dad: yes, but the cutting of funding to police and public services means they might not be able to stop it (I realise now that he's oddly economically left-wing but also really quite socially conservative in some ways)

Me: *getting angry* but it's still an absolute minority, most Muslims would be horrified if it really did happen, and have you ever considered that maybe they wouldn't be so ill-disposed to us and to integration if we didn't demand it of them the moment that they arrive, demand that they assimilate or go away (he often uses the phrase "yes, but they're in somebody else's country, they should make an effort") and maybe young people wouldn't be so easily radicalised and people generally mistrust the people who don't try to understand them, you know, want them to change everything about themselves (for instance, Dad is violently opposed to the burqa etc and not really a fan of the hijab - still doesn't get that it's a choice and people can do what they want because apparently 'anyone could be wearing one of those things' - burqas/niqabs, I presume - and that it must all be forced because who would possibly choose to dress like that - I have half a mind to show him those sites about Christian modest dressing (one was a shop and a lot of their range was pretty cute!) that I once found, just to see if that'll prove to him it is a choice thing) *tries to leave*

Dad: *angry* You stay there and listen to me! You're just looking at it from one perspective and that's not the truth, you're so biased and closed-minded, you only look at things your way!

Me: *furious* Really? Really? Am I? *Scoffs/incredulous exhalation* I'm closed-minded, am I?... *Storms out, shouts as I go* I'm not the one who said Enoch Powell was right!!

This is all heavily paraphrased, because I've been writing this for literal hours now and I was angry and don't remember well at the best of times, it may have been worse than how I'm writing it

Also, going to be tricky to patch up but right now I stand by what I said, because I know my perspective is limited, but at least I actually admit that and try to find out what people different to me think, rather than basing all my opinions and things on my own experiences which can't be universal, as he seems to

Other bs my dad said during the two conversations: "don't get so upset about it, it's only history" (which is bold, considering it was the 50th anniversary this year and he was literally 11 years old when it happened so probably saw/heard news coverage)... "Yes of course far right groups use 'Enoch was right' as a slogan, it doesn't mean anything"... Reiterating the 'nothing changed' thing multiple times... Dismissing the fact that Powell said there'd be a civil war because apparently just because the British/Europeans were aggressive conquerors anyone else who came in numbers anywhere would eventually have that aim and how ridiculous that view actually is... Dismissing the fact that Powell basically incited racial hatred and violence with the inclusion of an irrelevant Classical phrase which spread fear on all sides...

I could go on but I'm so tired and don't want to make myself more upset

I love my parents but I really don't like them very much lately but I don't know if I just put up with it or leave sooner or later and if I do leave I don't know where I'd go because no friends

Basically I'm so sorry for my parents' prejudices which I'm still trying to unlearn myself - I apologise wholeheartedly to all Muslim and Jewish people and honestly pretty much everyone they're prejudiced against

#personal #personal post #my ramblings #my rambles #ramblings #rants #my rants #family #british politics #politics #rivers of blood #enoch powell #religion #anti-immigrant sentiment (not mine #i'm so done #and so alone #i just want a friend #and ideally an income of some description #but if i register for jobseekers' allowance/universal credit i will have to try all the time to get jobs of all kinds and i don't know what #i want to do/am qualified to do/can do bc potent cocktail of autism/anxiety/depression/no self-esteem/perfectionism/home situation #im just horribly stresssed and worried about everything and mum won't go to the doctors about her failing physical health to spite me #and dad has the cheek to say don't worry!! oh thanks i'd never thought of that before!#mum had an ovarian cyst when i was a kid & she didn't go to the dr till it was so bad she could hardly walk so she was in hospital for week #and it could've been dealt with so much more easily if she'd gone earlier so i'm so scared it'll happen again #i mean i'll be able to look after us if it does happen again which is good bc grandparents absolutely can't now #anger #very long post #long post #islamophobia tw #racism tw

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punkscowardschampions · 6 years ago

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Ronnie, Bronson, Charlie & Bea

Ronnie: I'm going on a run Ronnie: who wants? Bronson: My stash is depleted for some unknown reason 🤔 please stock me up Charlie: Ooh, new year new you babe? Charlie: couch to 5k is it aspirational af 😍 Bea: ✋ me Ronnie: fuck off i just dont need you pussies crying when you can't scav my gear Ronnie: what'll it be princess? the usual Charlie: c'mon, we've always shared everything, nothing is your own #carekidlife Bronson: Ha! That'll be why the lock on my door never sticks Bea: yep, not decided to get heavily into crack since we last spoke, just lots of amphetamines in any form you find 'em, tah, got exams coming up Ronnie: Shame Ronnie: reckon I'd like you more on the hard shit Charlie: just in case you missed the old place, man, giving you that nostalgia for when you had to padlock anything that wasn't bolted to the floor 😜 Bronson: Good times! 😀 Bea: Shame I'm not trying to be your type then, I guess Bea: soz darling, spoken for 💋 Charlie: Truly, missing that tenner a week pocket money, LUXURY! Ronnie: fucking am Ronnie: pissing jobcentre Bronson: I'll add it to your tab if you're desperate as Charlie: gotta learn to play their game, babe Charlie: not throw the board in a hissy Ronnie: 🖕 doss cunts Bea: catch me here fanning myself with sweet, sweet debt for future me to give a shit about Bronson: I'll wipe it out if you use some to keep me sweet Bea: sweet enough sugar 😘 Bea: but forreal, if you could manage that I would be your sugar mama for LIFE 🙏 Bronson: It's student loans not the feds Bronson: Easy peasy Bea: true, like all branches of the gov, pretty fucking useless Bea: but I'm an immigrant as far as they concerned so they treat me SO good 😋 Bronson: Same, but we can always stretch our hands out a little further Ronnie: To jack it and pat yourself on the back at the same time, yeah? Ronnie: calm it down Bronson: New year, new look too! Green looks ace with black 😄 Bea: Clearly do not have natural rhythm Ronnie, that's really not that difficult Bea: You're not a drummer, are you? 😕 Ronnie: get off my tits all of yous Ronnie: do you want gear or nah? Bronson: 🤐 Bea: I thought you'd already gone tbh Ronnie: not trying to score that weak gay shit Ronnie: hitting up a more reliable source like Charlie: rude, i'm RIGHT here Ronnie: are you even gay fitzy? always in my pussy lad Bronson: 😷 Bea: 🤢 Charlie: idk, ask ur man 💖 Ronnie: that'll be why me and Bron's dads did a bunk Bronson: Get yourself locked up at the same time just for the d, did you? Romantic Charlie: if the porn n the stereotypes n the rate of STIs are anything to go by...love is in the air always in cell block h Ronnie: princess'll have some handcuffs to get you on your way to that good loving Bea: 🚿🧠 anyone got any bleach? Bea: Charlie isn't worth the 💰 use cable ties, more authentic Bronson: 99 🚔 My fingers are on the button....Stop for the love of god Ronnie: Bron can help you out there Fitz Ronnie: 🤓 Bronson: Take that over a thicko label Charlie: Look, babe, know you wanna tie me down forever but do it yourself, don't involve the kid Charlie: 💍 diamond or no D, soz Ronnie: Bring a needle I'll snag a gem Bronson: Don't go there, C, I'm still riding the ear infection wave Bronson: It's been 84 years Ronnie: yeah cause you're a mong that can't turn an earring Bronson: In my defense I was a legit child Bea: nothing screams low-class like stabbing your friends for the bants Charlie: and i already scream homo loudly enough, don't need another reason to be hate crime-d, a thank you Bronson: If I didn't know you I'd guess bisexual Bronson: You can have that for free Charlie: what a smooth-talker! thanks babe 💖 Charlie: and if i didn't know you, i'd guess you were trying to see my dongle Bronson: Been there, repressed the trauma o that Ronnie: get a fucking room benders Charlie: why you being so homophobic when we all know how bad you want on princess? cliche stuck in the closet much Bea: shut up Ronnie: in your wet dreams Charles Ronnie: fuck off Charlie: oh the delicious tension Charlie: too much for either to bear Ronnie: I know where she's been Ronnie: fuck that Ronnie: like you wish you could gayboy Bronson: Wait, you fancy Fraze, Charlie? Ha Bea: Bron can you not encourage either of them Bea: thanks Bronson: Sorry my mind's just blown I thought he was out of his straight boy phase Charlie: What? Its a compliment for you, he's adorable, why else would you be with him? Ronnie: they're both annoying cunts Ronnie: match made Charlie: and never out of that phase, bro 😍 #daddyissues Bea: get his name out of your mouth bitch Ronnie: oi get your mouth off his dick Fitzgerald you heard her Ronnie: princess is raging like Ronnie: when your mans a slag and youre a prude Bea: As if Bea: Only one McKenna fucked up to go near you Bea: #singletear Charlie: Children, enough Ronnie: Bron do that final 9 she's going off 😂 Bronson: Walking away Bea: know you're hard up but as per we're all funding you getting your rocks off so run along and do it, no need to bore me trying to get your kicks Ronnie: know youre a snobby cunt but I don't work for you Bea: you don't work for anyone, not even JC gonna fund your lack of a life Ronnie: 🖕 mad cause I don't need reddies to fund myself Bea: yeah fuming Bea: if only I'd have thought of selling my body, wouldn't even NEED to be at cambs rn omg Ronnie: nailed it Bea: 😂 Bea: whodathunkit Bea: talking to the cure for cancer stuck inside a waster here Bea: and I'm the snob, okay Ronnie: fucking hell Ronnie: devvo like Bea: We can tell Bea: you don't need to shout about it, you've got the energy of a walking wasteland Ronnie: can't wait until you take some more speed and get more smug Bea: Right? Bea: Must sting, better only getting better Bea: why don't you get something to numb the pain- Ronnie: let you know how it feels when the lads come up Bronson: A rare compliment, you hitting it already? Ronnie: you'll have your share calm the fuck down Charlie: i don't want any, i'm busy Charlie: glad you all noted my silence, feel so listened to usually! hmpf Ronnie: so now you're a little bitch too Ronnie: fuck's sake Bronson: PARTY TIME, am I right? Really in the mood now thanks everyone Charlie: who's in who's pussy, dollface? Charlie: keep your shirt on, Bro 😂 got enough with the two angry feminists here Charlie: I've got previous plans, if you're really so hurt, you can save me some, no? Whaddya mean that'd hurt more? 😏 Bea: you're alright, I personally rather you weren't there, suits me 😘 Bronson: Shirts already off, too late 😜 Bea: Standard 👌 Charlie: you big man whore Charlie: when i'm not around to be predatory, too, tuttut Bronson: I'd wilt under your stare, you know you aren't missing out Charlie: our beautiful wallflower Charlie: I bagsy being a red rose, lil trashy but iconic Bronson: Thorn in our sides Bronson: accepted Bea: Nice one, babe Bea: i'll be an orchid, because i'm beautiful, ornamental and high-maintenance Bea: getting in there before any of you fucks can Charlie: though your silence IS noted, wonwon Charlie: don't be cross at me 😘 Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: you're not the only one who's busy Ronnie: got a dick in my mouth too like Charlie: such a skilled multitasker Charlie: teach me your ways Bronson: in private please Bronson: not a lesson I want to learn Bea: we're not living in that teen movie Ronnie: On my way Bea: 👍 getting cash out, meet you there Bronson: Doors on the latch

Bea: Morning sweetness 😴 Bea: manage to recover your good vibe/night? Bronson: is it? 😪 Bronson: Until now it wasn't too bad Bronson: Do you get to say the same or is it pure suffering? Bea: Wow, when you hit bae up with that morning text and he's like day=ruined 😰 thought we was forever 😉 Bea: Decided to get off with someone around the same time I lost track of yous, so it was fucking awful, don't tell me you coulda told me that Bronson: It's only the comedown I wanna dump you're welcome to come and nap 💗 Bronson: Not to be that know it all Bea: Molly's such a cruel, cruel mistress, she wants you to miss her when she's gone 💁 Bea: Poor bubba, better than waking up next to that pushy bitch from last night though, Jesus, what was her damage? Bea: I reckon he'd actually gone out and had his drunken kebab and THEN PAID TO GET BACK IN Bea: No sir, not alright Bea: Why do I bother? Bronson: But I'm shamelessly smitten, only girl for besides present company like Bronson: Whatever it is she's not the first or last sufferer Bronson: Thanks for the bail out and sorry I wasn't there to do the same with kebab Kev Bea: N'awwh 💞 glad I hold more appeal than Tina, don't need to be going down that route Bea: It's an epidemic! Basic bitches who can't get a man willing, yeah take that out on innocent onlookers who ain't buying and talk about how your ex ain't shit for being a creepy letch Bea: We see you sweets 💅 Bea: Any time, even if you weren't there to take that donner breath bullet Bea: I'd never ask that of anyone, even Ronnie, though she'd brag about not being arsed, I'm sure 😂 Bronson: Next time I'll carry gum and throw it at whoever you deem worthy Bronson: Give me the nod Bronson: It was all over her socials like we had a good night together until I got there first Bronson: Rather take out Tina and all her mates Bea: as if you don't already Bea: if only little miss would-be-rapist knew that strong jawline was from gurning up a storm 😉 Bea: not so sexy now Bronson: there's nothing in my pockets I'm just pleased to see you Bronson: Seriously though, some of those selfies had to go for that unflattering reason alone taking into account none of her other antics Bronson: I looked a state Bea: 😂 not fallen for that one before but i'll make an exception for you boo Bea: catch me in my duvet cocoon, please don't look at me 'cos same Bea: I dread to think Bea: kept off my accounts for that reason and many more, some of us have reputations to uphold, skank Bronson: want me to check Bronson: clean up the carnage Bronson: Then brunch, your treat Bea: please Bea: roleplay my IT bitch and I'll be feeling my boss best in time for a liquid lunch Bea: will have to damage control my face first, enjoy watching me lovingly whilst I turn a -2 to an 11 Bronson: Never get bored of staring at you, you know that Bronson: Make my hair great again Bronson: Thanks Bea: when you shoulda been Trump's campaign manager 😕 Bea: sort the weave, clean up that twitter Bea: what a wonderful world it coulda been Bronson: Last night proves I can't stop him pussy grabbing Bronson: Need you for that one Bea: This pussy bites back 😼 Bea: its not your fault, girls like that, if you tell her to fuck off, and rightly so, it'd be made like YOU were being a prick to her Bea: gotta bullshit these hoes sometimes, tis the only way Bronson: Or playing hard to get...they fire that one at me loads Bronson: 😦 Bea: 🤢 gross Bea: got that one myself a fair few times, when I'm not being accused of being a prude by Ronaldo, hilariously Bea: People are the worst Bea: 'cept us Bronson: It's only because she likes you Bronson: Flattering, isn't it? Bronson: Being called broken is my fave Bronson: "Who hurt you?" You are right now, fuck off before you get a slap yourself to feel the pain of Bea: Wouldn't that just be the perfect solution in their simplistic little world? If only Bea: Save myself the feelings of disgust not brought on by kebab breath Bea: Though, if you think that that's love coming from Ron, then you do have an answer to their riddle right there, not real but the masses'll take one look at her and buy it 😜 Bronson: No arguments here Bronson: Your socials are sparkling now so that's real comfort to take Bea: 💖 yay Bea: the world never need know Bea: as long as I didn't drunk dial or text Fraze, this day is looking up, tah babes Bronson: Not to be a know it all again so quick Bronson: but I'm going to go ahead and guess the answer to that one Bea: BITCH DON'T KILL MY VIBE Bea: I'm sure I'd have angry ranting in my inbox if I had Bea: or a passive indirect on the socials, come across one perchance smartiepants? Bronson: Might've Bronson: I'll spare you Bea: Noooooooooooooooooooo Bea: Coulda had it all Bea: Really sours my Bloody Mary Bea: Fuck sake, now he's going to think I FUCKED kebab kev and enjoyed it meanwhile I sit here virginal and scrubbing my mouth out with soap Bea: How's this game fair again, please remind me Bronson: It isn't Bronson: But I can't tell you to stop playing Bronson: All yours Bea: you're meant to be a superwhizkid Bea: can't you think up a strategy so I win Bronson: Thinking cap is on Bronson: Because my hair still looks shit as much as Bea: I'll fix your barnet Bea: Between you and Charlie, honestly Bea: Never known boys like it 😂 Bea: blatant lie, have you seen how particular Fraze is but he doesn't really have much hair to be stylin' so Bronson: 👴 awkward Bea: you fool Bea: not like that 😂 Bea: though I'll keep it in my backpocket for when we inevitably row later Bea: #malepatternbaldnessBITCH Bronson: Freebie to kick your day off right again Bea: if you refuse to tell me what to do, could you use your skillz for good at least and fucking disable my phone when i'm fucked Bronson: Last time I tried you tried to fight me like Bea: Look, I didn't say it was a task for the fainthearted 😉 Bea: and yes, you would be the first to succeed too Bea: but if anyone can, its my man 😘 Bronson: Ego boost before eggs Bronson: Whoa Bronson: Today is looking up Bea: Gotta keep you sweet with all the bitching I'll no doubt do at brunch Bea: such a Carrie move, like no one cares bitch, write it in your column or books or...what did she even write? Or was she just monologuing at her computer, like all been there babe but don't act like its buying you all that designer Bronson: Her real true love was that laptop Bronson: Solved it Bea: 😲 Bea: but Mr. Big Bea: clue in the name Bronson: Could be his wallet Bronson: explain the designer gear Bea: Exactly Bea: Just my type Bronson: I'd go in for it if I can spend and send him the receipts Bea: you must be aware there are websites for that Bea: get on it boy Bronson: It all gets too sexual for my tastes Bea: set out boundaries Bea: different strokes for different folks Bea: i'm SURE there's a millionaire out there that just wants to chat Bronson: 🤔 There's enough fighting off advances in the club Bronson: Shelving that until millionaires become good people Bea: not bad people by default Bea: just a bad system they profit from more than you Bronson: Getting deep in here Bronson: Truth though Bea: real talk take #2 Bea: where do you think charlie was last night? and who or what was he doing? Bronson: Good questions that I have no answer to Bronson: If he had a job we'd all know Bea: I need to know, suspense is killing me Bea: I didn't think anything beat drugs in his book Bea: somewhat encouraging? Bronson: You could ask but I doubt you'd get far enough into the real Bronson: It is Bronson: Boy's growing up? Bea: Full of the #bants them two Bronson: Since day 1 Bronson: I'm coming to get you, Barbara Bronson: Ready yourself Bea: *falls over gravestones like a dumb bitch* Bea: i'm good to go and looking fly Bronson: I'll do the coded knock Bronson: Made up rn Bea: Helpful Bronson: That's my thing Bronson: Soon, my love, soon

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