#but if i DON'T i have to wait til friday and i already have to wait til friday to do.... so many things

[fooltofancy]

emotional support fate run abandonment new years

[keeps-ache]

good morning and merry christmas !! aesthetic photo of my cookies be upon ye

[spaghett-onaplate]

This Thursday, at long last, I have an appointment booked to discuss HRT!! I don't expect anything to come of it unfortunately but it's still better than doing nothing

[g0niki]

camera's on: take two ── y.jw p.js

camera's on (pt.1) (read me first!!!)

pairing: bf!jungwon x afab!reader x classmate!jay

word count: 2.3k+

content: no protection (don't be like them.), oral (m&f receiving), mxm (no penetration, but more than kissing), exhibitionism, dom!jay, switch!won, sub!reader, jw and reader are no thoughts head empty, creampies, recording. lmk if i missed anything! minors dni.

a/n: i was feeling silly and i didn't proof read🤸. please share your thoughts with me in the comments, reblogs, or my inbox! I also won't be adding more to 'camera's on' (at least as of right now) but i will still write for jaywon and other duos!! going to try and write more about the other members 🤞

jungwon had been standing on the tip of his toes for the whole week, eager for the upcoming friday. 

won bit on the end of his pencil, uninterested in his lecture about the mayan empire and the legacy they left behind. his focus was completely locked in on the analog clock dangling above the exit. the hands ticking and taunting him with every passing second, the pencil sitting in between his teeth being bent up as he bit down harder and harder.

unfortunately, the first tape had been lost but luckily for him, jay was feeling generous enough to allow another session free of charge (as long as he would have a feature). 

he knew you would already be home getting ready, probably letting jay get comfortable and set up while he’s forced to miss out on even the smallest of interactions. 

the thought of you and jay getting started up without him almost being enough to make him leave his lecture early.. yet at the same time he wouldn’t mind.

god, he hopes that’s what the two of you are doing. 

and just before he could get lost in the thought, imagining jay’s name rolling off the tip of your tongue as he rushes down the hall of your shared apartment, his professor is dismissing the class.

【☆】★【☆】

jungwon fumbles with his keys, struggling to get the right one into the keyhole. his bag tugging down on his shoulder as he fumbles with the doorknob, forcing his way into the small apartment.

only to be welcomed by silence. 

he knew you were home, you hadn’t told him about a change of plans. he lets his bag fall onto the floor next to your couch, eyeing the two pairs of shoes next to the entrance, clearly indicating the presence of both you and jay. 

“baby? did you guys set up?” he calls out as he creeps towards the room, the only place you and jay could be.

his stomach turned, anticipating what was going on behind the closed door. he could hear jay’s hushed whispers, the conversation between you too being inaudible. 

jungwon opened the door to the very scene he was wishing for. you were sitting between jay’s legs, your own splayed open as the older boy spread your folds,  the camera pointing directly towards the two of you. 

“good girl, you held in your sounds til jungwon could make it home.” jay used his free hand to push back the sweaty strands of hair off of your face. 

your cheeks were flushed, your face scrunched up as you used all your might to try and not make a single sound. 

“she’s waiting on you won,” jungwon's jaw slightly dropped, admiring the sight of the two of you. your naked forms pressed up against each other and waiting for him.

“you can let it all out now pretty.” the moment you heard your boyfriend’s smooth voice you were throwing your head back against jay’s shoulder, a strained moan leaving your throat as your back slightly arched and you forced your pelvis further into jay’s hand.

jay hadn’t even put his fingers inside of you, only playing with your clit and tracing the outsides of your hole lightly. he wouldn’t go as far as penetrating you in any sort of way without your boyfriend around and he was glad he didn’t. the way you were dripping down onto his fingers and leaving his hand soaked was amusing to him. 

you were so easy to toy with, almost as if you had never been fucked. and that made him want to tease you even more.

“why don’t you come warm up too jungwon?” jay so easily picked you up, moving your body next to him and signaling won to him. “this week looks like it’s been hard to you, hasn’t it?”

jungwon dumbly nodded, walking over to stand in between jay’s open legs. 

“mm, both of you are too dumb to use your words today. maybe if i help you relax a bit you’ll start speaking up, yeah pretty boy?” 

jay’s hands found jungwon’s, the older boy standing up to now tower over him. moving the two of them around and giving jungwon his former place on the edge of the bed. 

you watched in awe as jay tugged down jungwon’s loose sweats. freeing his painfully hard and swollen member, letting it slap against his hoodie. 

won moaned at the feeling, his sensitive tip rubbing against the cotton material and leaving a dab of precum. 

“both of you are so needy, look at this.” jay lightly blew on jungwon’s tip, his cock jumping in response.

“please hyung.” won’s voice was whiney, and you clenched your legs together watching. your boyfriend’s needy response has you pouting, you hated seeing him not get taken care of.

“come on jay, he’s asking nicely.” you crawled up behind your boyfriend, sitting on your knees and placing light kisses and licks along your boyfriend’s neck. 

“oh, so you can speak?” jay laughed lightly, slapping jungwon’s thigh just to get a reaction. “lucky i’m feeling extra nice today.”

before the two of you could even process it, jay is wrapping his lips around jungwon’s cock. his tongue gently tracing the underside of his tip, won’s body shuddering in response.

jay didn’t bother to take any more of jungwon in his mouth, only paying the swollen end any attention. the both of you knew not to ask for more.

jay’s eyes looking up at the both of you. you were doing your best to feel included, marking up every open surface and leaving the prettiest purple marks on jungwon’s neck, but jay could see the subtle pout on your face. he knew you wanted to feel included. 

he slowly pulled off of jungwon’s tip, letting it rest against his bottom lip for a moment. the saliva serving as a gloss for his lips, jungwon’s member getting more excited by the moment, jumping as jungwon let every single groan and moan leave his throat.

“oh my fucking gosh hyung.” jay wasn’t even doing anything at the current moment yet won felt like he was about to spill all over the cameraman’s face. 

“hey pretty, go grab the camera for me.” your eyes immediately lit up at jay’s command, pushing yourself off the mattress and grabbing the device. “now hand it to jungwonnie and get down here with me.” 

won felt like he was going to faint. the image of you sitting on your knees next to jongseong sends his brain into overdrive. the evident size difference between you two, the rough and dark look jay had in comparison to your soft and head-empty appearance giving him whiplash. 

he watched as jay grabbed the back of your head and had you lean closer to jungwon’s stiff cock, forcefully placing you face-to-face with it.

jay places the tip of jungwon’s cock onto your lips, tapping it against the bottom of your mouth a couple of times, the both of them groaning at the sight.  

“i can’t take this anymore.” 

almost as if it were on cue, jay is leaning forward and sandwiching jungwon’s tip between the two of your lips. his tongue coming out to fight with yours and caress the sensitive end all at the same time.

jungwon’s hands gripped the camera. he could’ve sworn he was hearing colors at this point. 

the way you whined against him was driving him insane. the two tongues providing extra stimulation and the whole view being displayed on the camera’s monitor getting him even harder. 

he could see the tears pricking your eyes, how desperate you were to please him and keep up with jay. 

he felt bad looking at his pretty girl lack so much attention, so he did what any good boyfriend would do. 

he pushed his leg closer to your core, watching as you immediately used it to get yourself off. the material of his sweats rubbing against your clit and giving you the extra energy you needed to drool on his cock and start kissing down the base. 

won tangles his hand in the older’s hair, pulling the boy off of him and admiring his lustful eyes and sharp jaw. 

“what won?” he looked uninterested in what jungwon had to say, if it wasn't for the bulge firmly pressing against his pants jungwon would've almost thought he didn't want to be there.

“look at her. she’ll take anything right now.” won gave jay a fake pout, the two of them watching how you licked up and down won’s member, paying special attention to your favorite vein. 

jay quickly grabbed the camera from won’s hands and focused the lens on you. capturing your eyes pinched tightly together as your hips desperately rutted up and down. 

"holy shit..." won’s neck was thrown back, his member shooting out cum and decorating your cheeks and eyelashes. 

the two of them watch as you swipe the fluid off your face and scoop it into your mouth instead, locking eyes with the camera and giggling.

“camera’s going back up, get on the bed.” jay moves towards the tripod, setting up his camera once again, slightly zooming in and only keeping the bed within the frame. “look at you two, so desperate.”

the camera displays both you and won laying on your sides and sloppily making out. won’s hands clutch at your waist, pulling you closer and rubbing his cock against your clit. the repeated nudging of his head making you whine into his mouth and he can’t help but suck up every single noise you make.

jay lets his cock throb at the view, his head dripping beads of precum as he uses his pointer finger to lightly graze the end of his cock. 

“go on jungwonnie~ fuck her already.” 

you pull away for a moment, hands in his hair and admiring his glassy eyes. “I want it so bad, give it to me please~” you slide your hand between the two of your bodies,  lifting your leg and lining up his member with your entrance. 

jungwon’s hips jump forward on instinct. his dick pushing into you and feeling the warmth of your velvety walls, squeezing his eyes shut and rutting into you. the thrust are short, only pulling out maybe an inch or two before slamming his hips back into yours as he eagerly chases his release. 

“please, fuck- fuck i’m going to cum.” he buries his face into your chest, kissing the tops of your breast. his kisses become messier and messier, leaving marks behind as he speeds up the pace of his hips, his pelvis coming into contact with your clit every time he fucks up into you, ticking you closer and closer to your high . “i’m filling you up- fuck…”.

the warm thick liquid coating your inside, sending you over the edge. he pushes this face into your boobs more, biting down on the supple flesh. his teeth sinking in hard enough to have you squirming, possibly drawing a bit of blood. 

the both of you panting in silence for a moment before jay speaks up, startling the both of you. 

“let’s get our final scene, okay?” he gets in the bed behind you, grabbing your smaller frame and sliding you off of won’s sensitive cock. “gonna make you feel real good princess.” 

he lays flat on his back, pulling you on top of him and pressing your back on top of his chest. his dick now aligned with your cunt, the mixture of you and jungwon dripping down onto his thick shaft.

without warning he’s pushing you down onto his length, won’s cum helping ease the stretch.

“so fucking tight, no wonder he cums so quick.”  jay uses his hand to lightly apply pressure on your lower stomach, heightening the feeling of his dick.

won dumbly watches, his mouth slightly hanging open in awe at the sight. 

“won… need more~” you squeak out to him. you were so close to being gone, his pretty girl being so so good for jay. taking him so well and still wanting more. 

no one would ever be able to satisfy you the way he does. fucking jay, yet still needing him. 

and who was he to deny you?

jungwon crawled over and settled himself between the tangled mess of legs.

leaning down so closely to your stuffed cunt and blowing against it. your body jolting at the feeling, making his eyes light up and a light smirk settle on his lips.

“look at that pretty, the way you clench around him is so cute.” your back arches against jay’s chest. the older wrapping his arms around you to hold you still.

looking down you see won lean in and wrap his soft lips around your clit. suckling on it softly, giving you the last bit of pleasure you needed, but he doesn’t stop there. 

his tongue lolling out of his mouth and moving down to circle your cunt, bringing pleasure to both you and jay. 

jay’s thighs shake at the feeling, and jungwon likes that reaction. 

the younger boy moves down even further, taking jay’s balls into his mouth and sucking on them for a moment before pulling them out of his mouth with a pop. won sticks out his tongue and licks jay from his balls up to where he is inside of you. 

sliding his wet muscle into your cunt alongside jongseong’s cock, sliding against the sensitive vein. 

the feeling of won’s nose bumping against your bruised clit making you squirm and scream, tears welling up in your eyes as you babble out nonsensical begs and pleases as you cum. 

 jay adding more to the mess inside you with the final flick of jungwon’s tongue against his thick cock. 

jungwon sits back, watching the two of you grab onto each other and ride out your highs with a satisfied smile on his face.

“that was better than the take we lost.”

“oh yeah about that, i never lost the take.” you and won snapping your necks to look at jay. “what? i couldn’t pass up on another threesome with you two.” 

ᯓ★

@g0niki all rights reserved. do not translate or post my work anywhere without permission.

🏷️: @pansies-garden

[punkshort]

somewhere to run | epilogue

Pairing: sheriff!Joel x f!reader

Chapter Summary: A glimpse into your life one year after the trial.

Chapter Warnings: fluff, language, alcohol use, smut (18+ MDNI), unprotected piv sex, dirty talk, breeding kink 👀, dry humping

WC: 5.8K

A/N: thank you to all of you who came back week after week to feed into my delusions. I'm so glad there was an audience for this story because it kept me motivated to finish it and stay on track, so to everyone who commented, reblogged or liked... thank you!! ❤️

Series Masterlist

One Year Later

"Sarah!" you yelled up the stairs, craning your neck so you could hear.

"Almost ready!" she yelled back down. You hurried back into the kitchen right when the toaster popped up. Pinching the toast between your fingers with a hiss, you dropped both slices onto a waiting plate and sucked on the pad of your thumb as you turned around to grab the butter from the fridge. You heard her feet thundering down the stairs just as you were finishing up her breakfast. Turning around, you held out the plate to her right as she entered the room.

"Sorry! I overslept," she said, shooting you a grateful smile when she took the plate from your hands.

"No problem, you'll still make it to school on time," you replied, glancing at the clock before pointing to the stove. "Eggs," you told her, and she swiveled around to scoop some onto her plate before sitting down.

"Thank you," she said around a mouthful of food. You took a quick gulp from your coffee before it got too cold, then began pouring the rest of the pot into a thermos. Right on cue, Joel's heavy footsteps were the next to descend the stairs.

"Mornin', girls," he mumbled, fumbling with his tie as he walked. His hair looked disheveled and his eyes looked tired but you still grinned when you handed him the thermos. Giving up on the tie, he sighed with relief before taking a sip and winking at you over the cup.

"Here, let me," you offered, undoing the knotted mess and flattening the fabric back out so you could properly tie it for him.

He turned his head to the side so he could keep drinking his coffee without being in your way and eyed Sarah from across the room.

"Overslept?" he asked her, and she nodded tiredly.

"All set," you told him, flipping his collar back down and smoothing his dress shirt over his broad shoulders.

"Thank you, baby," he said softly before giving you a quick kiss.

"Eggs?" you asked him, turning around to fill your own plate with food. He took another sip of coffee as he flicked his arm out, his sleeve pulling back so he could check his watch.

"No time."

"At least take a granola bar with you," you said, opening a cupboard and handing him a little foil packet. He slid it into his pocket with the promise to eat it when he got to work, then looked over at Sarah again.

"Almost ready?" he asked, and she shoveled the last of her food into her mouth before nodding and standing up. You took the plate from her and rinsed it in the sink while she stuffed a binder into her backpack and zipped it shut.

"You can still drop me off at Jess's house tonight, right, Dad?" she asked, slinging her backpack over her shoulders. He froze as his brain tried to process what she said, working hard to remember if she had mentioned this before.

"What time?"

"Four. Right after school."

"Four..." he muttered to himself, running his fingers through his hair, attempting to tame it. "Shit, babygirl, I don't think I can make it all the way on the other side of town by four, I got somethin' to take care of after work-"

"But Dad! We have a science project due Friday, and tomorrow I have practice-"

"I can do it," you offered from your spot against the counter, still holding your plate of half eaten eggs.

"You sure?" Joel asked, but you could already see the relief in his eyes.

"Yeah, of course. I'm working til three, then my night class starts at five. I can go in between, no problem."

"You got class tonight?" he asked. You and Sarah exchanged bewildered glances before you looked back at him.

"Yeah, Joel, it's Wednesday. I have classes Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Are you feeling okay?" you asked, growing a little worried. Now that you were thinking about it, he seemed more frazzled than usual that morning, and even though your lives were busy, he never forgot your schedules.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just got a lot on my mind, is all," he said, shaking his head and turning back towards Sarah. "Alright, let's get a move on. Don't wanna be late."

"I'll see you after school!" you called to Sarah as she walked towards the front door and shoved on her shoes.

"Thank you!" she called back before swinging the door open and disappearing outside.

"Thank you so much, baby," he said, cupping your face with both hands for another kiss, this time slowing down and savoring it.

"You're welcome," you said, pulling back with a grin. "Now, go."

He smiled and backed out of the room. "Love you."

"Love you, too," you said, turning around to survey the damage from breakfast. When you first moved in, you were concerned you would get in Joel and Sarah's way, that the little routine they had for so long would be disrupted by your presence, but it was becoming clear to you that wasn't the case at all. Sarah was very mature and independent, which was a huge help to Joel because for years, she would do a lot of the cooking and cleaning to help out, but when you moved in you began to take on some of those chores, allowing Sarah the time to enjoy just being a teenager. And to be perfectly honest, you didn't mind. You enjoyed being part of a loving family who welcomed you into their lives without hesitation. It was something you yearned for your whole life, and now you finally had it.

Tommy and Maria were extremely supportive of your new schedule. You had been taking night classes for the past six months at the local community college, looking to get your associate's degree and maybe see what kind of job that could get you because even though you loved working at the diner, it was back breaking work and you really didn't think you had it in you to be a lifer. Besides, the odd hours were less than ideal. You wanted to have a work schedule that matched Joel's so you could be home with him at the same time.

One huge thing you would miss about the diner was seeing Joel almost every day for lunch. It was bittersweet to think about one day quitting the job that brought you together, but you knew it would ultimately be worth it. Better hours, better pay, and no nights and weekends were the goal.

Right on schedule, you heard the front door open and Joel's deep drawl greet Maria behind the hostess stand before you saw him out of the corner of your eye make his way up to the counter. When you looked up, you were surprised to see he wasn't alone.

"Tyler!" you said with a grin, and the younger man nodded in greeting to you. About four months ago you were excited to find out Tyler Bates actually did end up calling Joel for a job, and of course Joel kept his word. Apparently, the Philadelphia police force was not a good fit for him.

You couldn't ever imagine why.

Texas was treating him well. Gone was the clean shaven, crew cut man you once met. Now that the south wrapped its arms around him, his skin was sunkissed, his hair a little wavy, and he even had a bit of stubble across his jaw.

"What's the occasion?" you asked as they took their seats.

Joel clapped Tyler on the back before looking up at you. "One of my guy's retirin' soon so I offered this one a promotion," Joel replied.

"Oh, that's wonderful! Congratulations!" you gushed, and you thought you saw his cheeks turn a little pink.

"Thank you, ma'am."

"I told you, you don't have to call me that," you scolded playfully. "Especially during our double date this Saturday. You're still coming, right?"

"As long as this Hailey still wants to meet me," he replied, sounding a little nervous.

"Oh, she definitely still wants to meet you," you teased, and Joel chuckled next to him.

"She's been textin' her every night askin' what she should wear and-"

"Joel!" you snapped, cutting him off with a warning look, but he just grinned.

"What? It's true!" he laughed.

"You're gonna embarrass her!" you exclaimed, then turned to Tyler. "Ignore everything he just said in the past thirty seconds."

"Yes, ma'am," he said with a little smile, then dropped his focus to the menu.

You shook your head at Joel, trying to come off as mad, but you knew you were failing by the look in his eye and the twitch at the corner of his mouth.

"You're in trouble," you muttered lowly, and a look of excitement flashed across his face.

"Mm, I hope so."

Your eyes widened with embarrassment but fortunately, Tyler was a gentleman and pretended not to hear. You made an aggravated face at him before turning your head and quickly changing your tune.

"What can I get for you, Tyler?" you asked sweetly.

Hailey and Tyler hit it off instantly. You never set anyone up before, but they were both so sweet, you had a feeling they would make a good match. Hailey was the only girl in town who seemed to be on your side. Although most people moved on to the next exciting piece of gossip, your drama long forgotten by now, you didn't forget how she never treated you any differently, even though you were sure it would have been easy for her to do. She even left book club after she and the rest of the town learned the gritty details of your case. You assured her that Nikki never could have known the real reason behind your divorce, that you hid those details well for most of your life, but Hailey still wanted nothing to do with her or the group of women who ostracized you. It didn't end up mattering much in the end. A few short months after your trial, right around the time you moved in with Joel, Nikki found a job out of state and moved.

Instead of book club, the two of you started your own monthly club. Sometimes that consisted of a book you both wanted to read, other times it was going to dinner and the movies. It was nice to have a standing date with her and catch up. And when she mentioned last month how lonely she had been and how envious she was of your and Joel's relationship, you immediately thought of Tyler.

Tyler: the man who, aside from Joel, changed everything for you. Who stood up for what was right, even at great personal risk, and traveled all the way to Texas to apologize to you in person for not doing more. He was a good man, and he deserved to have someone, too.

"We're gonna go play darts, you guys want in?" Hailey asked, her eyes shiny and her cheeks slightly pink from the alcohol. You had picked Hank's instead of a nice restaurant, figuring it would help loosen both of them up, and you were right.

"You go ahead, we'll join you in a bit," you said, shooting her a discreet wink when Tyler wasn't looking.

"I don't think they'd even notice if we left," Joel murmured before taking a sip of his beer.

"No, probably not," you said, watching them from across the room. Tyler was standing behind Hailey, trying to show her how to properly take aim at the target.

Joel's phone buzzed in his pocket and he slid it out, subtly angling the screen away from you.

"Is it Sarah?" you asked when you noticed the look on his face. Michelle had done what she said she would and reached back out to Sarah, and while both of their schedules were busy, they occasionally found the time to meet up. This weekend was the first time Sarah stayed overnight in Austin with her mom, and even though Joel didn't say anything, you could tell he was worried.

"No, it's just Tommy," he said, putting his phone face down on table and looking back at you.

"Everything okay?" you asked slowly, picking up on some kind of nervous energy from him.

"Yeah, everythin's great," he replied with a grin, then leaned in to quickly try to change the subject. "You really think they won't notice if we leave? Can't remember the last time we had the house to ourselves."

Your breath caught in your throat when you saw his gaze darken. "I think it might be a little rude if we don't say something-"

Joel stood up immediately and held out his hand to you. "Then let's say somethin'."

You stared at his hand before looking back up at him. "Are you serious?" you said with a little laugh, but he just kept looking at you expectantly. "Alright, fine," you relented, taking his hand and allowing him to help you stand. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders and led you through the bar, nodding briefly at Hank before reaching the dart board.

"You guys good if we head out?" Joel asked, barely pulling their attention away from each other. Tyler looked at Hailey, giving her the opportunity to respond just in case she was uncomfortable, but she shook her head.

"Go! We've got a competition heating up here, and I'm determined to win," she said, smirking up at Tyler.

"Alright, have fun," you said over the music playing from the jukebox. Hailey caught your eye and gave you a look, and when Tyler went up to the board to retrieve the darts, you held up your thumb and pinky to the side of your head and mouthed call me before Joel turned you away.

"What's with the rush?" you asked when you stepped outside and the fresh air hit your lungs.

"No rush. Just wanna be alone with my girl, is that a crime?"

"I don't know, you tell me, sheriff," you teased, and he chuckled under his breath before opening his truck door for you. And even though he claimed there was no rush, he sure did seem to hurry around the front of his truck.

You studied the side of his face as he drove, your brows furrowed a bit at the way his eyes shifted nervously from the road to the time on the dash. His fingers anxiously tapped on the steering wheel at every red light and you tried to ignore it, but after the third red light and hearing him mutter curses under his breath, you couldn't take it any more.

"What's gotten into you? You're acting weird," you said.

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are! You've been weird all week, actually. Is it because of Sarah? Don't be worried, I'm sure she's fine. It's good for her to spend some time with Michelle."

"I'm not worried 'bout Sarah," he said, and you pursed your lips but let it go.

When you pulled into the driveway, you caught the way Joel looked at the time and the front door before quickly turning the engine off and hopping out of the truck. He rounded the car and opened the door for you, but when you began to walk towards the mailbox, he stopped you.

"Where you goin'?"

"I'm getting the mail. I'm expecting some stuff from school-"

"We can get it tomorrow, let's go inside," he said, wrapping his fingers around your shoulders and you frowned.

"Why can't I -" you paused when a truck lumbered past the house, and even in the dark, you recognized it. "Is that Tommy?" you asked, but before you could get a good look, Joel forcibly turned you towards the house.

"No, I don't think so."

"What-"

"Baby, c'mon, please let's go inside," he begged, and by now you knew he was definitely up to something. You sighed and let him lead you up the porch steps, deciding not to make it any more difficult on him.

When he opened the front door you finally saw why he was so anxious to get inside. You were greeted with the soft glow of candlelight, and as you stepped inside, utterly confused, you noticed the red rose petals scattered over the floor. You racked your brain, trying to remember if you forgot a special occasion, but you were coming up empty.

"W-what is all this?" you finally managed to ask softly as you slowly entered the living room, noticing for the first time the bottle of champagne and two glasses placed on the coffee table next to a beautiful bouquet of roses already in a vase. Joel was suspiciously silent behind you as you continued to take in the scene. Was he really that excited to have the house to yourselves?

You turned around to ask him but the words got stuck in your throat when you saw him kneeling behind you, holding out a ring with trembling fingers.

Your hands flew up to your mouth with a gasp and your heart began to pound wildly in your chest, completely taken aback. Oh my god, this is it.

Joel took a deep breath. "Since the moment we met-"

"Yes!" you nearly shouted through your hands, making the corners of his mouth twitch up into a smile.

"I got a whole speech planned," he said with a nervous laugh, but you shook your head and dropped to your knees with him.

"I don't care," you breathed, pulling his face against yours for a searing kiss.

He managed to break away for a moment, his fingers still pinching the ring. "Didn't wanna ask in front of people, I know what you said 'bout-"

You cut him off with another kiss, not wanting to think about your previous marriage in that moment.

"You could ask me in the middle of the grocery store with a twist tie and I would say yes," you told him, pushing your forehead against his. He gripped the side of your head, the ring getting tangled in your hair as he pressed his lips feverishly against yours again.

"I love you so much," he mumbled in between kisses.

Tears were beginning to form now that the shock was wearing off, but you tried to hold them back. "I love you, too," you whispered, then gripped his collar to pull him down. His hand cradled the back of your head as you eased yourself onto the floor, your lips refusing to leave his. Your fingers hurriedly went to the buttons of his shirt when he remembered the ring.

"Wait," he said, pulling back a bit, panting for air. He held it up and you eagerly held out your hand, both of you shaking a little as he slid the ring around your finger.

"Oh, I love it," you gasped, admiring the unique pattern of little diamonds surrounding a larger one in the center of a gold band.

"Yeah?" he asked with a smile, his eyes going soft. "Couldn't make up my mind. Finally had it custom made, took forever but it came in the other day-"

"You had it custom made?" you repeated in disbelief, and he nodded.

"Couldn't wait to ask you. It's why I've been so distracted all week."

"I love you," you said again, pulling on his shirt to close the gap between you. "God, I love you so much," you mumbled as your fingers resumed their work on his buttons while your lips drifted down his jaw, his stubble burning your sensitive skin in the best way.

"Love you too," he murmured, his mouth finding a home against your neck as you finished unbuttoning his shirt, sliding it over his shoulders and down his arms. "I've loved you for so fuckin' long. Just wanna make you happy, give you the life you deserve," he continued, his teeth grazing against your earlobe.

"You do make me happy," you moaned as you struggled to pull off your jeans.

"Let's go upstairs," he said, pushing himself up to hover above you, his chest heaving.

You shook your head and lifted your hips, bumping clumsily against him as you shimmied your pants down. "Here," you told him, watching his eyes travel down your now half naked body.

"On the floor?" he questioned, but sat back on his heels to work on his belt. You nodded, your eyes dark with lust as you stared at his bare chest, only looking away to yank your shirt over your head. He chuckled as he kicked his pants off and you quickly wrapped your legs around his waist and tugged him back down to you. "Okay, baby. Whatever you want," he said in your ear, and you could hear the smile in his voice.

"Just want you," you whined, and your fingers came up to get tangled in his curls. He slipped his hand between your bodies and notched himself at your center.

"You got me, baby," he whispered, nibbling at your chin as he pressed forward, slowly stretching you open and making your jaw drop. "Got me forever. Always did," he added, his eyebrows pinching together the further he buried himself inside you.

"Oh fuck, Joel," you gasped, eyes rolling to the back of your head when he bottomed out.

"Yeah? That feel good? Needed me so bad you had to have me right here, huh?" he growled in your ear. Your thighs tensed around his waist as you adjusted around him.

"Yes," you replied softly, gasping a little when you felt him pulse inside. "Want you everywhere. Can't get enough - god, you feel so good. Always feel so good," you rambled, knowing how much he loved it when you talked to him during sex. At first, you were embarrassed. You overthought what you should say, what sounded sexy, but you quickly realized it didn't matter. He loved it all.

He dragged his hips slowly, deliberately, building you up just so he could tear you apart. Savoring the sweet little moans that slipped past your lips as your walls squeezed around his cock and he was certain he would never tire of this.

"You're so beautiful," he said before crashing his mouth against yours messily. "Can't believe I get to spend my life with you," he added, his hand gripping your hip and pulling you against him, matching his thrusts.

You dropped your hands from his hair and pressed them against his chest, giving him a gentle shove. "Roll us over," you commanded, and he smirked.

"Yes, ma'am."

In the blink of an eye he ducked and rolled, pulling your hips with him and making you giggle when you found yourself straddling him.

"This is gonna fuck up my back," he warned you, shifting his shoulders as he tried to get comfortable on the floor.

"I'll give you a massage if it does," you promised, and his eyes lit up. He was about to say something smart when you began to roll your hips and suddenly, the words escaped him.

"Oh fuck, baby, that's it," he groaned, his hands lightly guiding you, his fingertips digging into the flesh of your ass. "Yeah, just like that, yeah... now bounce a little for me."

You did as he asked, your hands pressed flat against his chest as you bounced up and down, his eyes transfixed on the way your body glowed in the candlelight.

"So deep," you moaned, your head tipping back as your eyes closed, lost in the moment. "So good. You're so good to me, Joel. Ah!" you cried out as he began lifting his hips, thrusting up into you. He could feel the cool metal from your ring pressing into his chest and it only made him fuck up into you harder.

He quickly sat up, his arms circling around your waist and holding you tightly in his lap as he snapped his hips, little grunts and growls getting lost in each other's mouths, your tongues dancing together, desperately trying to get as close as possible.

"C'mon, c'mon," he muttered once you broke away, gasping for air. "Look at you. Gettin' all worked up. Couldn't even make it to bed, hm? Needed me to fuck you that bad, ain't that right?"

"Uh huh," you whined, your head falling forward, resting on his shoulder as you focused on his voice.

"That's alright, I'll give you anythin' you want. I'll take good care of you, baby. I'll give this perfect pussy anythin' she wants, too."

"Joel, I'm close," you whimpered, your fingers digging into his shoulders, your teeth pinching your bottom lip. Your eyes flew open when he hit that perfect spot and you gasped. "Right there! Please... please don't stop, don't stop," you gasped as you felt your cheeks begin to flush with heat.

"There? Yeah?" he panted, somehow managing to pound up into you with incredible force while sitting on his lap. You tried to respond but you couldn't. Your vision was going spotty and the heat pooling at the bottom of your belly was beginning to ignite. He seemed to understand because he kept up the pace, hitting that spot over and over while alternating between muttering filth and praise in your ear.

Takin' it so good. Such a good girl. Feel how hard you make me? I love you so much.

And maybe he got a little carried away, lost in chasing his own pleasure, not really thinking about what he was saying until...

"Can't wait to put a baby in you."

Your teeth clamped down on his neck, desperately trying to ground yourself as your orgasm hit you, forcing all the air from your lungs, his name barely a whisper on your lips.

He didn't even realize he said it out loud. He was too far gone, too close to his own release to think about anything else.

"I'm gonna come, baby, I'm g-gonna- fuck!" he groaned loudly, his stomach tensing and relaxing with each surge of his spend coating your walls until his body went lax, his shoulders drooping a bit and his arms loosening their grip around you.

"That was worth the backache," he finally mumbled, and you giggled from your place on his neck.

You kept expecting him to say something about what he said, but by the time you had untangled yourselves - you, gathering all your clothes and him, blowing out the candles - it didn't seem like he was going to mention it, so you let it go. And by the time you got upstairs, letting him wrap you up in his arms with your left hand splayed out across his bare chest, you had nearly forgotten all about it.

It must have been later than you usually slept. The sun was brighter than usual, streaming in through the windows and bathing you both in its glow. You were laying on your stomach, one leg hitched up towards your chest. At some point, Joel must have sought you out because his body was pressed flat against your back, his arm even resting on top of yours, fingertips grazing your ring as he slept.

Your ring.

Your eyes fluttered open so you could see it. Not wanting to disturb him, you tried to twitch your finger a bit so the stones would reflect in the light.

His nose nudged your shoulder blade, his face buried in your upper back, and you smiled. He was so close and so warm it made you never want to get up.

Then you felt his cock twitch against your leg and you bit your lip. It sounded like he was still asleep, his breathing hadn't changed, but his body was still reacting to you anyway, and the thought made you desperate for him again.

You tipped your hips back ever so slightly, just to see how deep of a sleep he was in. When he didn't respond, you wiggled your body a little more, flexing and stretching your limbs underneath him. His breath fanned over your shoulder, your hair fluttering a bit with each exhale. The ache between your legs was growing, so you ground your ass against him a little harder and you finally sensed a change in his breathing: he was waking up.

His fingers laced together with yours, your ring pressing into the palm of his hand and making him smile against your skin.

"Mornin', fiancée," he murmured sleepily. You hummed in response as you continued to lightly grind up against him, feeling him harden against the curve of your ass. "What're you doin', baby?" he whispered, his fingers tightening around yours.

"Nothing," you replied innocently, still rolling your hips against him.

"Don't feel like nothin'," he grunted against the back of your neck.

"What does it feel like?"

"Feels like you need me to take care of you again," he said, his voice still gravelly with sleep as he began to roll his hips in rhythm with yours. A soft moan slipped past your lips, the throbbing between your legs intensifying at the thought of waking up like this every day for the rest of your lives.

Joel's hand slid between your legs, his fingers brushing against your folds. He inhaled sharply and buried his face further into your back as he gently pet at your soaking heat, purposely taking his time and driving you wild. "Yeah, she needs me again, huh?" he said, his voice muffled. "Needs me to stretch her open 'n fill her up, ain't that right?"

"Yes," you whimpered, pushing your hips back into him, begging for it. And when you felt him press against your opening, his words from last night drifted back into your brain: Can't wait to put a baby in you.

Your mouth fell open and your eyes squeezed shut as he began to slowly push inside and you wondered how you went so long without him. How many years you wasted without knowing his touch. He was so perfect and sweet and kind and loving and now, he was all yours. Forever.

"Did you mean it?" you found yourself asking after he began to rock his hips into you from behind, slowly, making sure you felt every inch of him.

"Mean what?" he mumbled, his voice sounding strained as you stretched and clutched around him.

"Did you really want to put a baby in me?" you clarified, suddenly feeling nervous. His hips stalled and his eyes shot open and the pause he took before replying made your heart flutter anxiously in your chest.

"Do you want that?" he asked, his hand holding your hip in place, effectively stopping you from grinding against him.

"Maybe?" you replied, your voice higher than usual and you were relieved you couldn't see his face because you weren't sure your nerves could take it.

He nibbled lovingly at your ear, his teeth dragging down your throat as he slowly began to move again.

"Then maybe I did mean it."

You breathed a small sigh of relief and you pushed your ass against him, matching his pace. "Yeah?" you said, wanting to hear more. Needing to hear more.

"Mhm," he mumbled, his lips gliding over your shoulder. "You'd make a great mom. And fuck, you'd be so pretty with my baby in you."

"Mm," your cheeks flared with heat at the fantasy, and the way his thrusts were coming a little faster made you think it turned him on, too. "Imagine the looks I'd get," you whispered, your fingers clutching around the sheets as he brought you closer and closer to the edge. His hand wrapped around your knee and pulled your leg up higher. "Walking around - ahh - walking around town, growing your baby in my belly. Letting everyone see how good you take care of me."

He groaned, his hips snapping faster against your ass, unable to hold back.

"You like that? You want everyone to see how good I fuck you? If you weren't on the pill, I'd do it right fuckin' now," he growled in your ear, and you gasped.

"Oh fuck, Joel, I'm close," you whimpered, your hands desperately reaching out for any part of him to hold. He noticed and he removed his hand from your knee so he could lace your fingers together again. He was fucking everywhere. Your whole body was covered by his, pinning you into the bed. His breath was warming your neck, his cock filling you up, reaching the furthest depths of you and you never felt more alive than when your orgasm finally took hold.

"Yeah, that's it," he cooed as you spasmed and whimpered beneath him. "Good girl. Fuck, yes, that's right," he panted, chasing his own high as you struggled to remain present. "So pretty when you come, s-so pretty, my pretty girl, love you so fuckin' much," he groaned, then his body stilled as he pumped you full once again, whispering your name weakly as he finished.

"Fuck me, baby," he moaned after he caught his breath. He lifted himself off you, your skin sticking together briefly before he slid out with a hiss. He collapsed on his back next to you, pulling on your shoulder so you flipped over and tucked you into his side. He tilted your chin up so he could slot his lips against yours, massaging them tenderly, lovingly, with a deep, contented sigh.

"You make me so happy," you told him, his fingers still pinching your chin. He grinned and kissed you again.

"I'm gonna spend my life givin' you whatever you want," he whispered against your lips.

Your hand drifted up to the back of his neck, your fingers tugging gently at the ends of his thick curls. His tongue slipped past your lips, slowly swirling around yours with a moan.

Just as you were starting to think you wouldn't leave the bed for the entire day, you heard two car doors slamming shut in the driveway and you both opened your eyes.

"Sarah's home," he said, pecking one more kiss against your lips before pushing himself up with a groan.

"Oh my god, does she know?" you asked, feeling bad you hadn't asked yet. He pulled on a pair of boxers and his discarded jeans as he looked at you admiring your ring.

"'Course she knows, talked to her 'bout it weeks ago. She's so happy, could hardly stop pesterin' me 'bout it," he said with a chuckle, then pulled a T-shirt over his head just as you heard the front door open. He tossed you your jeans as he headed for the door. "Better hurry up or else she's gonna come bargin' in here," he warned, then disappeared down the stairs.

You flung the covers off and quickly dressed, checking your hair in the mirror and glancing down at your ring once more before following Joel downstairs, excited to start the next chapter of your life with your new family.

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[southerngothicchic]

we're too young to be lonely (part one)

King!Steve Harrington x reader (18+)

This is a rewrite of a fic I wrote last year that I felt could be improved upon 💖

The King of Hawkins High had made a habit of climbing through your bedroom window every Friday night. His visits started out innocent enough, with you both commiserating about the past week of school and maybe sharing a kiss or two.

As weeks went on, and as both of your crushes grew, sweet kisses turned into steamy makeouts. He would murmur how pretty you were into your neck as he tried not to leave any hickies, though he desperately wanted to.

He wanted everyone to know you were his, but wasn't sure if you wanted to belong to him, outside of your bedroom.

It was a typical Friday night, with you laying in bed, waiting for Steve. The radio hums lowly while the dim light from your bedside lamp illuminates the room. You keep glancing up from the latest issue of Seventeen every few minutes to check the digital display of the clock on your nightstand. He's usually here by now, you think, as you're beginning to think he's not going to show.

If something changed he would've let you know, right? A horrible thought then enters your mind making you wonder if he's lost interest in you and found someone else to spend the night with. You glance at the window again before shaking your head.

After all the nights you spent together, you knew he wouldn't do that to you. At this point, you knew him better than his 'best friends' or anyone else at school did. He was different when he was with you, so sweet and attentive, you almost forgot about his famous persona.

As you wrack your brain for answers, you hear a familiar tapping on your window. You look over and see his silhouette crouching outside the glass.

With a relieved smile, you get up and cross the short distance to let him in.

He greets you with a smile and a soft, "Hi," before he climbs into your room. You feel his arms around your waist as you quietly close the window. You turn, in his arms, to face him, still with a smile on your lips.

"I was starting to think you stood me up," you say, now with a slight pout.

"I'm sorry," he apologizes, nuzzling his nose against yours. "My parents came home early so I had to wait til they went to bed to sneak out."

"Oh," you breathe, as he ghosts his lips over yours.

"Did you really think I'd miss a chance to see my best girl?"

You sigh his name, already under his spell in record time.

"I missed you," he whispers before finally kissing you.

You eagerly kiss him back, wanting to make up for all the lost time spent not kissing the cutest boy you'd ever seen.

"I missed you, too," you reply, breathless with your fingers gripping the sleeves of his sweatshirt.

"I can tell," he softly laughs. "Maybe we should extend these visits to more than just one night."

You glance up at him, with a hopeful shimmer in your eyes, that makes him weak.

"You really like me that much?" You ask, earning another soft laugh from him.

"I wouldn't keep coming back if I didn't," he replies, bringing his hand up to cup your cheek. "You're, like, the only real friend I have."

"Is that how you see me, just as a friend?"

His eyes widen in panic as he stumbles through his reply: "No, I mean, at first, yeah, but not now. I like you more than that."

His thumb tenderly brushes your cheek as a goofy smile forms on your lips.

"So you like me like me, then?"

"I thought it was obvious, but yeah, I do," he also smiles, as he leans in to kiss you again.

You sigh his name against his lips as he guides you towards your bed. He smoothly slips off his Nike's before laying you back onto your sheets, all without breaking the kiss. His denim clad thighs press against your bare legs, making you feel extra vulnerable. He subtly spreads your legs with his knee, so he can nestle his hips between them. You gasp into a kiss when he grinds teasingly.

"I guess I don't have to ask if you liked that..." he pants, between kisses. "You wanna feel more of me?"

You nod, while whimpering a soft, "Yes."

"Okay, honey," he smiles, gently taking your hand and placing it between your bodies, against his growing bulge.

"Want you to feel what you do to me..." he breathes, as he nips at the tender skin under your jaw.

You palm him through his jeans before squeezing slightly. He moans into your neck as his hips chase your touch.

Moments like these still feel so surreal to you. Having Steve Harrington in your room was one thing, but touching him like this was something else entirely. Feeling him through denim wasn't enough, you wanted more.

You pull him into another kiss while your hand moves to unbutton his jeans. You feel him shudder when your fingertips graze his skin. You tease him through his briefs at first, before slipping your hand under the waistband. He whines against your lips as he feels your fingers wrap around him.

"Mmm, fuck..." he breathes, while you slowly stroke him. "I've dreamt about this."

"Have you?" You ask, between kisses.

"Yeah, been wanting you to touch me like this," he whispers, desperately trying to keep his voice down. "Its all I can think about most days."

You smile into his kiss, feeling truly desirable for the first time in your life.

"You're all I think about most days," you quietly reveal before kissing him again, muffling another moan.

He pulls away, and sighs your name, already looking completely wrecked.

"If you keep on, I'm gonna-" he warns, before your hand stills. "And I don't want to yet, not like this."

"What are you...?"

"I wanna go all the way with you," he whispers, gazing into your eyes.

"Steve..." you breathe, his name the easiest thing for your mind to latch onto, as his admission has you reeling.

"Only if you want to," he adds. "I won't make you do anything you don't wanna do."

You notice how he's looking at you, with such sincerity and adoration, it's almost overwhelming.

"I want to," you softly reply, holding his gaze.

He smiles. "Yeah?"

You nod. "Just... not here, not with my parents down the hall..."

"You could always come over to my house," he offers, leaning in close. "My parents should be going out of town again soon and we'd have the place to ourselves."

"I actually have a better idea," you reply, with a smile. "I just remembered mine are going to a dinner party tomorrow night and will most likely be gone for most of the night."

"That is much better," he agrees, his lips brushing yours. "We can have our first, proper date then."

He feels you smile against his lips before you whisper, "Yeah, we can."

He pulls away, for a moment, so he can admire the sight below him.

"I really like this," he compliments, lightly dragging his finger along the collar of your silky pajama top.

"I was hoping you would," you quietly reply, as you watch his eyes darkening.

"Is it okay if I...?" He then asks, his fingers already gripping the top button.

Your eyes meet his as you nod. "I want you to feel more of me, too."

He leans forward again, pressing his lips to yours, as his skilled fingers unbutton your top. The lightest scratch of his nails against your stomach makes you shiver. He pulls away slightly to marvel at you again, and suddenly you feel too exposed. The look on his face instantly reassures you, as it's one of awe.

"You're so fuckin' gorgeous," he laments, leaning in close.

He nuzzles his nose along your jaw, before trailing kisses down your neck. You pull your hand from his jeans and curl it into his hair as he kisses his way to your collarbone. Soft moans of his name fall from your lips as he places wet kisses against your breast. His mouth has your back arching into him, as his teeth barely scrape your nipple. He flicks his tongue over it and you have to keep yourself from screaming.

He's presses himself against you, unable to keep from grinding, as you feel how hard and big he is.

"Fuck, I can't wait til tomorrow night..." he pants, words almost muffled by your skin. "...When I can kiss you like this while I'm buried deep inside you."

You whimper his name and he thinks it's his new favorite sound.

"You still want that too, right?" He asks, glancing up at you, his amber eyes alight with desire.

You nod, as your pretty, pink lips part with a gasp. He tries to hide his smirk before raising his head so he can kiss you again.

The way he kisses you is so deep and romantic, its unlike anything you've ever felt before. Your thoughts melt into a dreamy haze, as the only constants are how you feel about him and how he's making you feel. It's a moment seemingly frozen in time that you never want to leave.

"Can I feel more of you?" He breathily asks, with his hand hovering over the waistband of your matching silky shorts.

You hesitate, trying to catch your breath as you gaze up at him. Your hand grips his sleeve as you struggle to answer him.

"It's okay if it's too much. We don't have to -" He comforts before you interrupt him.

"I want you to touch me. I've dreamed about this, too," you admit, as a familiar heat rises to your cheeks.

"I want you to tell me about all the filthy dreams you've had about me," he smiles, as his fingertips lightly glide across your stomach.

"I might, someday," you smile, in return, pulling him into another kiss.

You feel him smiling against your lips before deepening the kiss.

He slips his hand into your shorts, and presses the pads of his fingers against the thin cotton of your panties. He softly moans when he feels how wet you are.

"You must really like me," he whispers, as he teases you with his finger.

"I do," you breathe.

"Want me to make you feel good?" He asks, pressing harder.

"Y-Yes, Steve, please..." You almost don't recognize your own voice as you've never heard it sound so desperate.

"Fuck, I'll do anything for you, honey," he replies, his own voice ragged as he slips his hand into your panties.

He slowly eases his finger inside you while his mouth hovers over yours. He whimpers over how tight you are as he begins to pump it in and out. Your eyes are already rolling back at how different and good he feels compared to you.

"Look at me, honey," he quietly commands, nudging the tip of your nose with his. "Want you to keep your eyes on me when we're like this."

You nod, obediently, as your hands claw at his sweatshirt again. His kisses are a little rougher as he adds another finger. He's already losing himself in you, in wanting to make you feel so good, you'll never want anyone else.

You body trembles underneath him, as you fight to kiss him back with the same intensity. You whine his name repeatedly against his lips and he can't help the smug look on his face as he says, "I know it's good now, but imagine how much better it'll feel when I'm actually fucking you."

You finally break eye contact as your orgasm washes over you. His lips are instantly on yours, quieting your continued cries of his name. Your fingers now curl around his wrist as his movements slow. He pulls away just enough, and once your eyes meet his, you smile so warmly at him. He leans in again and covers your face in kisses.

"You really are my best girl," he laments, gazing at you with total adoration.

It mirrors how he was looking at you earlier, but there's something new in his eyes. It's a hint of something more, something deeper that he can't find the words for yet.

He stays with you for the next few hours, as you just lay holding each other, before drifting off to sleep. You wake him up sometime before sunrise and tell him he should get home. He whines, tightening his arms around you before getting up.

You stand next to your window, with his arms around you again as he gives you a lingering goodbye kiss.

After watching his taillights fade into the early morning air, you climb back into bed with a smile. You close your eyes, your thoughts consumed with being his girl, before sleep overtakes you again.

[what-have-i-unleashed]

alone on a friday night? me too!

(early) birthday gift to @freakstertoff. this thing is freaky so i'm tagging this account of yours lol

note: i don't know much about the epic sanses so treat this as ooc as far as i'm concerned.

(cw: voyeurism/exhibitionism, some vague smut description)

"hey, you're epic, right?"

epic turns his head and sees another skeleton with strange markings down his eyes. his white eyelights have a light orange hue to them. both of them are standing in the only administration building left standing in the omega timeline right now. with a huge influx of refugees from a multitude of universes, all the workers here are frantically accommodating everyone and answering every question. epic pities them - he should feel lucky to not have a service job in his life up til now.

"who's asking?" epic asks his sudden inquirer, his hands in his pockets, as his coat billows in the invisible wind. the other skeleton looks at him with a twitch in his eye ridge.

"call me delta," he says. "seems like they're putting us in the same temp house."

"oh, you're my roommate, bruh!" epic exclaims. "wait, there should be another with us, right?"

"he's with me already," delta says, leading epic out of the crowded area. "his name's color by the way."

and epic can understand why he's named that. the dude is positively flashing rainbow colors, a real epilepsy warning. not to mention the crack he has on the side of his skull where fires are coming out constantly. so he's a fire hazard too - cool!

"i know, he's fucking awesome," delta grins, gesturing at color.

"ayo, bruh, mind the color-ful language, would ya?" epic says with a smile on his face, as delta turns to him and color snickers behind his hand. it is a nice sound, epic absentmindedly notes.

"... oh stars, you're also into puns," delta groans. and epic laughs.

"whaaaat? a sans not into jokes? you're a riot, a true rebel, bruh," he puts his arm over delta's shoulders, smiling wide. "we'll get along just fine."

epic was told by a harried service worker that it should take about two months before a permanent house can be provided to him. so for now he has to share a temporary flat with delta and color for the time being. the flat is smaller than he expected, with one modest kitchen and a living room with a small dining area. there's only one bedroom as well as one bathroom. at least there are bunk beds with quite some space in the bedroom. epic claims the top bed, while color and delta takes the bottom beds. fair enough - color is an old man, and delta seems to be the kind to move around in his sleep. still, it's a bit sad not to have anyone on the other top bed where he can throw some fun stuff at.

it's been a week since the trio moved into the flat. and all in all, everything is fine. epic volunteers to work at the refugee center himself, delta works at some construction site, and color is socializing with other people for now. they all have their own schedules, but still living together requires them to interact a lot and divide the chores. epic has to say, delta and color are best roommates he's had, but considering he never had a roommate before, that's not saying much.

until one faithful night it is. epic wakes up in the middle of the night, throat parched and skull throbbing from the frequent nightmares. checking his phone, it is about 3 am. he looks down from his bed. the other two are silent - they must still be asleep. quietly, he shortcuts to the hallway, then down the stairs.

the lights illuminating from the kitchen make him pause. okay... so one of them is also up at this hour. silently, he walks up to the kitchen, and pauses.

he can see delta's back facing him, thankfully blocking most of what is happening because he can hear the muffled sounds from where he's standing, and they're not exactly family-friendly. he can see color's flames peeking out behind delta's form, as color seems to be sitting on the kitchen island and enthusiastically responding to whatever delta is doing. oh stars, not the poor countertop... epic literally uses it every single day.

epic knows he should just slink away and pretend to not have seen anything. but his sleep-deprived mind forces his mouth to blurt out.

"yo my bruh-migos, what in the freaky flip."

with a yelp, delta stumbles back away from color as he swivels his head around to see epic's sleepy stunned face. delta's face is bright orange, and epic tries very hard not to stare at his wet ecto-tongue still hanging out.

"bruh, i cook there..." epic finds himself say.

"oh my void, i'm so sorry!" he hears color exclaim apologetically as the stout skeleton moves off the countertop. "we just didn't want to wake you up, since you were sleeping and all."

"... how many times did you guys, uh, rendezvous on that countertop?"

"we didn't- i mean, we-" delta stammers. it's the first time epic sees him so flustered, which was oddly funny and cute at the same time. thankfully for the blubbering orange mess, color swoops in smoothly to save him from further embarrassment.

"we haven't fooled around in the kitchen, if that's what you meant. we usually just meet up in the inns, actually."

"yeah," delta scratches the behind of his neck. "don't want to make it feel awkward in here or anything…"

epic looks at both of them for a while, his mind trying to fire off some sensible thoughts but unable to. there's an odd sensation pulsing in his rib that he doesn't have the time or clarity to examine just yet. in the end, his mouth utters, "it's fine if you guys wanna do it in the flat."

"what?" "are you sure?" delta and color ask simultaneously. stars, they're such a cute couple, aren't they?

"yeah, i don't mind," epic shrugs. "just don't do it in the kitchen. fire hazard and stuff. also, not on my spot on the sofa either, my bruhs." he adds a wink at the end, hoping to convey how unbothered he is by all of these constant punches of surprise.

delta and color exchange an indecipherable look before color says to epic, "if you're sure…"

epic doesn't know why color is talking as if he doesn't believe epic. it's quite an offense to his chill guy persona honestly. he's totally cool about his two friends-slash-roommates hooking up! well, maybe if he can show them how cool with it he is, then maybe…

the next few days are definitely awkward. epic has a nagging feeling that delta is avoiding him as much as possible, which is to say not much considering they share the same flat and also the bedroom to say the least. the usually brash skeleton is unusually reserved around epic, a blushing mess whenever epic addresses him. at least color still acts normal around epic, but the fact that he doesn't seem to be affectionate towards delta in front of epic lately makes the ex-scientist feel even worse.

so, one evening, as he puts down the extravagant meal he has made with his blood, sweat, and tears - from cutting the stars-damned onions - he speaks directly to both his roommates sitting across from him.

"look, i'm not homophobic."

delta chokes on the mouthful of rice he has inhaled, as color pats on his back. the colorful skeleton turns an incredulous look at epic.

"uh, what brought this up?"

"just because i like the opposite sex doesn't mean i don't vibe with the lgbt, bruh," epic huffs. "i'm totes fine with gay people."

"... okay...?" color raises an eye ridge at him, hand still on delta's back. and epic can't help but feel the side of his head burn hotly.

"look, all i'm saying is: i'm not bothered by you guys dating!" he bursts out, finally. "it's fine that my two friends are in relationship and we live together! i wouldn't mind if you guys start getting lovey-dovey with each other! i wouldn't even mind if you guys have sex in the same house," yeah, that sounds good enough as an endorsement, right? "or heck, even in front of me!" wait, what.

"what," delta echoes the last thought in epic's head. color is dead quiet. all three of them fall into an awkward silence.

"epic..." color tentatively reaches across the table, one hand holding epic's cold glove. "are you saying what i think you're saying?"

"... what am i even saying," epic breathes out, his mind in a spiral just like the electric fan above them.

color and delta exchange a meaningful look. ah, the perks of lovers and their inexplicable telepathic communication. they're just so cute together, aren't they?

"do you want to watch us have sex, epic?" color asks, as blunt as a hammer. epic can't help the blush spreading across his face, abnormally flustered by something he should be quite used to joking around about. the multi-colored skeleton continues, paying no heed to epic's turbulent thoughts. "because you're always welcome to do that."

"what he said," delta chimes in, looking intensely into epic's eyes with his orange-hued eyelights. epic finds himself unable to even lie with those pretty lights directed at him. his mouth opens, and he knows at that moment what he's going to say, wishing he won't make a mistake.

what happens next is a blur as far as epic is concerned. all he remembers is all three of them moving to the cramped living room, their meal halfway forgotten on the dining table. he remembers being treated to the sight of his two closest friends deep inside each other's mouth, delta watching him stupidly gape like a fish with a smug smile in his eyes. he remembers automatically blurting out how they needed to use a condom when the pair of lovebirds collapsed on the sofa and color gigglingly asking him for one, one hand outstretched like a particularly enticing olive branch. he remembers the breathless sounds from both of them, inviting him to come closer to see. he remembers stammering like an idiot, staying in his watching spot, a warm sensation buzzing in his bones as he watched the couple indulge in each other. he remembers the flushed and satisfied expression on color's face in the throes of pleasure, the grunted sounds coming from delta as he reaches completion. he remembers feeling all lightheaded himself, his palms sweaty as if he was the one having run a marathon and not the pair in front of him, who are now cuddling each other on the sofa, bundled under a blanket that epic has hastily brought to them after they were done.

"how was that?" color asks epic, startling the normally laid-back memelord. delta has fallen asleep next to color, his face so peaceful epic couldn't take his eyes off of it. color's voice is warm like the sun, and his flames are lazily dancing, shooting little sparks in the air like colorful fireflies.

epic finds himself speechless for once. he feels a sudden need to scoot closer to color and delta, but resolutely stays in his armchair facing the sofa. stars, what would he be to interfere in his friends' already amazing love life?

"... good, i think," he mumbles at last. "thanks for... all this." he gestures towards color and delta. color chuckles.

"glad you like it," the colorful skeleton says, tilting his head to the side. epic averts his eyesight, looking at a spot above the naked monster. "you can watch us next time too, if you want."

"oh yeah?" epic asks, a choked laugh escaping his throat. "and what does delta think about it?"

"he won't mind," color replies automatically. in a softer tone, he continues. "we're not dating, you know?"

epic jumps at the unexpected statement. "you're not?"

"hmmm not sure," color traces a hand over delta's skull. the sleeping skeleton scrunches his nose, cutely. "we've never talked about it. right now, it's just this, sex that is. so," color looks at epic, "don't feel bad, okay?"

epic swallows, not knowing what to say. color has always been the most perceptive of them after all. he leans back in his armchair, watching color fall into sleep next to delta. epic doesn't sleep himself, knowing another nightmare will just wait for him as always - not like it matters anyway.

he stays awake, guarding the two souls in his vicinity - the two most important souls in his current life. the silence pricks at him, but he perseveres, like he usually does.

dividers by @\anitalena here and @\fairytopea here

[winterspiderpurrs]

Pepper sighed as she exited the elevator to head toward the lab. About two hours ago, she received the notification she and Rhodey set up several years ago. Rhodey was already en route to the tower. Should be here in the next twenty minutes.

When the doors slid open to the lab, she found Tony sitting in a chair, hand deep into a robot, but his focus was on a projected screen in front of him. Looks like he was reading paged of book. When he tilts his head a certain way, the pages turn.

" Tony. What are you doing?"

" Nothing. Just reading"

" Uh huh. Then why did Friday notify me that you unblocked Peter's on the server"

" Hey! Big tattle tell Friday! Don't worry about it, Pep. It's been a while, and I heard from Brucie that Peter published another paper. And I just wanted to read it. "

" Don't start this up again Tony. You go down this rabbit hole its going to be like before"

" Have faith Pepper! I'm just reading a paper, I'm not asking him out."

" Again?"

Tony swirls around in his chair and faces Pepper.

" I can control myself!"

" Said that the last 3 times. This time isn't going to work. Just leave him be Tony"

" It's not going to be anything! His idea to use some nano tech in closing wounds is intriguing, but we would have to test that out. Lots more research. I could get a grant for him to explore it. "

" Tony!"

Pepper stomps her foot to get his attention before he goes off on a tangent. This is how it always goes with Peter and Tony.

See Tony met Peter when Peter was 18 and was doing a summer internship at the tower. They hit it off and started a whirlwind romance. And that's how it went.

Things would be great, then Peter would ask for more, and Tony would break up with him. They separate for a while. Peter does something that draws Tony back in, and they try to be friends and end up where they started.

It's not like Tony doesn't know that Peter knows himself in the ways of science. But it came to the relationship? The long haul? Tony wanted that, but Peter was just so young, so he kept pushing him away.

They have been doing this song and dance for years. The last break up was a year and a half ago.

And Peter left without a fuss this time. Simply packed up his bags, told Tony to stop contacting him til he grows up and figures out what he wants. But not wait for him cause he was absolutely done.

The doors open to the lab again and Rhodey walks out.

" i don't smell alcohol so Tony is still sober. Whats the emergency Pepper"

" PGMATDK Protocol "

" Shit okay. "

Tony blinks.

" Hey! Only I'm allowed to have acronyms!"

"Sure Tones. But brace yourself."

"What?"

Pepper sighs and looks to Rhodey before back to Tony.

" You've read just Peter's papers. Haven't researched into him again correct?"

Tony frowned and looked between the two.

" No just his published work..."

" Well I'm sorry that this is coming out but...Peter got married"

Tony stares at them before standing up and pacing.

" We have only been broken up a year and a half? When? To who? "

Tony spins around to look at them.

" Tell me it wasn't to that Strange guy"

" No he didn't marry Dr. Strange, someone else about a month ago.

Tony stares at them again before sitting down. Rhodey comes to stand next to him and puts his hand on his shoulder.

" I'm sorry Tony..."

They stayed like for a while before Tony whispered.

" Does he seem happy?"

" Don't open that box Tony. But... he does... yes."

Later that night Tony was looking up the photos.

[sae-something]

my extra strong PRN is working and I had 2 glasses of wine so I started rambling and spiralling.

(i'm not fine but i'm safe and just gonna go sleep now. sorry about this.)

I feel so broken. It's just fighting SH urges all day. Last week on monday, we hit something really deep in therapy. I don't really grasp the full weight of it yet, but it felt really, really big. I was overwhelmed, I told A what a young (traumatized) part was saying inside, and A helped me by holding her (imagination). She made a little bowl out of her hands and told me she held this little girl in her safe and still and calm and warm hands, and that we could wrap her in my scarf, and that all 'little girls like that' need is to be held.

And then on thursday we had the evaluation (with HT) and it felt impossibly and unbearably painful to not have any space for all that pain, for all the little girls. I emailed A on wednesday to let her know that I felt the intense turmoil inside about 'seeing her (and HT) without having space for all the pain'.

A didn't read the email until friday. So on thursday I was sitting there with HT and A and it felt like pure and absolute abandonment. To have to sit there with the two people knowing me (and all my parts) closest, and to not have any space for how I felt like a walking wound, like a vulnerable bleeding open wound. Some angry/defensive parts got really, really triggered afterwards.

Eventually A replied to the email on friday and it was a good reply. It made me cry. And I have been counting down the actual hours until therapy again. And then this morning she emailed to cancel.

And also last night I had a dream. My sister finally came to me and in my dream I felt a wave of sadness and relief - until I noticed that my sister could not even look at me. She was just emptily staring at a spot next to me as she told me: dad is dying, you have to come to say goodbye. I went there, and my mother and sister just ignored me. It was like being invisible. They were making me wait until I could see my dad. By the time they finally came to get me, he had already died.

I woke up and went to pee. Didn't have many feelings (some confusion about whether it was real; a few tears - then back to sleep), but it's been haunting me all day. Both my parents had so many health scares over the last year. What if something happens? Will someone notify me? How will I feel? What will I do?

And then I couldn't see A today. When all I needed was her. I've been calming myself down by imagining seeing her again. And now she's gone. And this week, precisely this week, I am going to visit friends in Belgium thursday til saturday. And only two weeks ago A told me she could see me on thursday (online) this week. But that's not possible because I have to catch the train sometime in the morning.

And now all of it just feels like it's my fault. I wanted A too much, so she got sick. I had too many emotions, so she got sick. I decided to not see her twice this week, and she got sick. I wanted her too much, I wanted her too little, I felt too much, I shared too little. I should have flipped out on thursday, would that have mattered? All I want is to hurt myself. Pain pain pain pain pain. Please. I wish someone would just hurt me already.

Sorry I'm getting more and more triggered so I'll stop writing now and just go lay in bed. Only 2 days of work this week - tuesday and wednesday. And then days with friends. On sunday I'll watch both frozen movies with a close friend. And then hopefully A will be back??? Obviously britney, mara and whoever else is angry and distrustful is growling "we're NOT going back" but like. I will. I always go back. I've always been the one to crawl back, begging for another crumb of kindness, another drop of warmth.

I am drowning in longing. I just want A. I want to be a child and to have A as a mother. Even if I'd get born again with a whole new life and I'd get another mother who would hurt me, I'd want it to be A. (I know how fucked up that is to write.) (It's just how everything is messed up. Love comfort longing safety --- pain sexthings terror - what's the difference? What's the difference? Nothing, nothing, nothing. It's all the same. The only thing that's changed is that I am now close enough to other parts to prevent them from emailing A, begging her "will you please hurt me".

Which is good but also means it's not even getting out anymore. Everything is just stuck inside. I'm so alone. No one has ever loved me and no one ever will. Please hurt me. Please hold me.

[hottubmagazine]

Falling for You

Lloyd Garmadon x Reader

NOTE: Here's another part of "Falling for You" I really have no plans on how this story will go so it's currently just short one shots about Lloyd Garmadon and reader and their overall relationship in this series. I might do another series connected to this one where it digs deeper on how Reader and Lloyd met and how they ended up in a relationship :]] but enjoy this for now <3

Warning(s): none

Previously: Part 1

Next: Part 3

Part 2 of Part ???

It wasn't everyday for Lloyd to have one day free from crime or any type of disaster not happening, which is why it was a surprise when he suddenly appeared on your balcony door at 4:30 am on a Friday.

"Hey sweets. What are you doing here?" (Y/N) asks rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she unlocks her balcony door. Lloyd smiles and take her in for a hug as her figure is slowly enveloped by warmth.

"I just wanted to see you." He smiles, inhaling in the scent of your shampoo which probably already had lost its scent. (Y/N) inhales and eye the clock hanging from above her tv.

"It's nearly 5 in the morning. You could have waited 'til later." She comments, she breaks the hug and quietly making her way back to bed, Lloyd tailing behind her like a lost puppy.

(Y/N) plops herself down and pats the spot beside her, indicating for Lloyd to lay down. "Sorry if I woke you up. I just couldn't sleep, I missed you." The blonde pouted slowly draping his arm around the girls sleepy figure.

"Mmm~, s'alright. I don't mind—" she replies, burying her face on the warm cloth of her boyfriends hoodie, smiling at the familiar scent she's grown accustomed too.

They both lay in bed as drowsiness slowly starts to hit the (h/c) haired girl, she starts to ramble on and on about her day as her eyelids slowly drop. A yawn escapes from her lips as her rambles halt to a stop and silence fills the room.

A smile makes its way up to the boys lips as he takes in the features of the girl just inches centimeters away from him, engraving the details in his mind.

"I think I'm slowly starting to fall inlove with you—" he whispers to himself, placing a light kiss above the girls eyebrows causing her to wrap around her arm around his torso and pulling him even closer. His mind calms as his heart rate starts to slow its pace, his eyes dropping as sleep slowly starts to take over him.

"Rest well lovely~"

[shoutyourporpoise]

I love when I am my own competing access need. I'm also resentful bc this would be less of a big deal if they just let us work from home for health reasons, instead of enforcing a "too sick to come in, too sick to work" policy where I have to take the day off if I can't be in-person despite already having my from-home setup readily avaiable.

Currently dealing with dust allergies so severe that I can develop a fever if I don't have my air purifier running in the work office. I also have these dust allergies at home, but between Andrew meticulously changing the filters on time and my home office not being next to a huge fucking tree to which I am also allergic, it's relatively bearable.

HOWEVER, I also wrenched my back yesterday and, while I am feeling a little better after spending all of yesterday laying on the floor, it's still pretty sensitive and sitting in my office chair feels like taking poison damage. I am currently held upright with an icyhot patch and a corset.

So we only have the one air purifier, which is pretty fucking expensive, and I use it for home and for work. At work, I have a keycard I need to scan to get into the building, and no matter which entrance I use I need at least two scans to get to my office. these are not set up to be easily accessible such that I can scan in by bumping them with my hip; I need to be able to reach up and scan a little above elbow height. Which means I am carrying this bulky fucking air purifier with one arm.

Should I not bother with the air purifier? BAD END. Develop a fever which will further weaken you and require at least 2-3 days of recovery.

Should I lug the air purifier in anyway? BAD END. Exacerbate back pain such that presently doable tasks like sitting in your office chair will feel like a constant drain on your energy for 2-3 days. Wait til your scheduled WFH day on Friday to recover.

[spookmemepls]

☠ ― 𝑊ℎ𝑜 𝐹𝑟𝑎𝑚𝑒𝑑 𝑅𝑜𝑔𝑒𝑟 𝑅𝑎𝑏𝑏𝑖𝑡? 𝑆𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑠. (𝑆𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑠 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑒 ℎ𝑖𝑡 𝟷𝟿𝟾𝟾 𝑚𝑜𝑣𝑖𝑒, "𝑊ℎ𝑜 𝐹𝑟𝑎𝑚𝑒𝑑 𝑅𝑜𝑔𝑒𝑟 𝑅𝑎𝑏𝑏𝑖𝑡?".)

"Don't worry! Whatever you say!"

"Hey! Be careful with that gun!"

"This ain't no cartoon, y'know."

"I'll be in my trailer, taking a NAP!"

"Scotch on the rocks. And I mean ice."

"I can take it, don't worry about me!"

"Wait 'til he gets on his feet, THEN hit him with a boulder."

"How much do you know about show business, ___?"

"Look, I don't have time for this."

"What the hell happened in here...?!"

"The job's gonna cost you a hundred bucks."

"This is NO way to make a living..."

"Is that a rabbit in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

"___! Is that you?!"

"Nice booby trap."

"I've worked with a lot of wise-quackers, but you are despicable."

"Kinda jumpy, aren't you, ___?"

"Get this straight, meatball. I don't work for toons."

"I think... I'm gonna faint..."

"That's it! That's the connection!"

"Well I don't work for peanuts."

"Another stupid news reel... aww, I HATE the news."

"You've been hanging around rabbits too long."

"I don't know who's toonier. You or ___."

"I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way."

"OW! My biscuits are burnin'! Fire in the hatch!"

"Please, ___, can't you tell how much I need you?"

"I hope you're proud of yourself! And those pictures you took!"

"No toon can resist the old "shave and a haircut" bit."

"Hey, ___, don't you have a car?"

"Thanks for the cigarettes."

"Don't let me catch your peepin' face here again, got it?!"

"Nice monkey suit."

"Wiseass."

"Get outta here, get me some money, too."

"The whole thing stinks like yesterday's diapers."

"Put the poor guy/girl/etc. on two weeks notice. Cutbacks, they said."

"Here's to the pencil-pushers. May they all get lead poisoning."

"Tomorrow's Friday, ___. You know what happens here on Friday?"

"You got that camera of yours? Mine's in the shop."

"Yeah, that was a long time ago. We should do that again sometime."

"So what's his/her/their/etc. problem?"

"I know this all seems pretty painful now... but you'll find someone new."

"Got the password...?"

"Don't tell me you've lost your sense of humor already..."

"So I took a couple of dirty pictures. Sue me."

"I caught you with your PANTS down!"

"I'm surprised you're not more cooperative, ___."

"No, not all the time! Only when it was funny!"

"No wonder you hate me...!"

"C'mon, don't cry, I don't hate you."

"This means war."

"C'mon, ___, where's your sense of humor?"

"The stain is already gone; It's disappearing ink! No hard feelings, I hope."

"If it's ACME, it's a gasser!"

"One of these days you're gonna DIE laughing."

"Work's been kinda slow since cartoons went to color..."

"Not tonight, ___... I've got a headache..."

"But ___, you promised...!"

"What could have POSSIBLY happened to you to turn you into such a sourpuss?"

"Take comfort, ___, you're not the first man/woman/etc. whose S/O played patty cake on 'em."

"I won't believe it, I CAN'T believe it, I SHAN'T believe it..."

"Is there nothing that can permeate your impervious puss?"

"We're SUPPOSED to be hiding, what's WRONG with you?!"

"What's wrong with YOU? You're the only person in this theater that isn't laughing!"

"___'s the love of my life! The apple of my eye! The cream in my coffee...!"

"Drink this, it'll make you feel better."

"Just like a toon to drop a safe on a guy's/girl's/etc.'s head."

"I see working for a toon has rubbed off on you."

"My whole purpose in life is to make people laugh!"

"I've been risking my neck for you!"

"I'm looking for a murderer."

"You're my only hope...!"

"You keep talking like that and I'm gonna have to wash your mouth out."

"Ain't I a stinker?"

"A better lover than a driver, huh?"

"Seriously, what do you see in that guy/girl/etc.?"

"Give me another excuse to pump you full of lead!"

"We toons may ACT idiotic, but we're not stupid!"

"We demand justice, but the real meaning of the word probably hits you like a ton of bricks!"

"___, darling, I want you to know that I love you."

[lyra-r05e]

Happy Friday! Chapter teaser time for Chapter 25 - A Strange, Sad Feeling which will be posted on Sun, Jan 5th. I hope you enjoy the 10 heart event in my story, What Friends Are For (explicit)

“Wow,” you say breathlessly, spotting the faint city lights below, “is that Zuzu city?”

“Yea,” Sebastian lays a blanket on the ground, motioning you to join him when you look over your shoulder. “I come here when I want to get away from everything and just…think.”

You take a seat beside him, hugging your knees to your chest. The view really is breathtaking. For a moment, you enjoy it together in silence, leaning against each other shoulder to shoulder. The silence isn't awkward, but you start to grow antsy wondering if you should say something. What do I even start with…maybe you should wait til he says something.

He shifts beside you, and you watch him light a cigarette from the corner of your eye. He takes a long drag, exhaling away from you. He catches a glimpse of you when he faces forward, wincing with guilt when he meets your eyes. “Ah, sorry,” he moves to put out the cigarette.

“Don't be,” you grab his arm quickly, “let me have some of that.”

“Are you sure?”

You nod yes, and Sebastian tentatively hands you the cigarette. You've never smoked before, but you've seen him do it a thousand times. Holding it just like he does, you take a big inhale, hot embers immediately assaulting your lungs. The coughing begins instantly, and you turn away to shield your suffering from his view.

“Oh shit, you okay?” He fails to hide the laughter in his voice.

“Mhm,” you croak out between coughs.

Sebastian reaches for your hand, encouraging you to release the cigarette while you catch your breath. “Yea, I'm definitely putting this out now. Hang on, I'll be right back.”

Your coughing subsides when he returns a moment later, pouring hot tea into the lid of a thermos. “Thank you,” you wipe the tears from your eyes and take a sip, the liquid a reprieve on your sore lungs. You hand out the cup for him, and he takes it with a soft smile, taking a brief sip before handing it back to you.

“So,” he looks toward the city lights, “what do you think?”

“Hmm,” you look out at the city skyline below, pausing to find the right words, “it gives me a strange, sad feeling.”

“Yea…that's exactly how I feel too,” he says softly.

You glance towards him and notice he's already looking at you, a faint blush on his face that's barely visible in the moonlight. You look back to the view, not ready to let yourself get flustered by him just yet. You lean into his shoulder, hugging your knees closer to your chest.

“It's…where I was born. Where I grew up. It's all I've ever known for so long. Everyone who was part of my life…” You reach a hand out, palm covering your view of the city, “they're all right there,” you squeeze your hand shut, as if to grab the city out of the air. With a sigh, you lower your hand. “But it never really felt like home.”

“...What about now? Does the valley feel like home?”

You glance at him, his dark eyes hanging onto every word. “Almost,” you say quietly.

[never-not-ever]

The air feels so heavy with sadness tonight. I don't like this. It's much easier to feel angry or self hatred.

I was thinking earlier how it's already been almost two weeks. Which is just wild. It feels like it was just yesterday that I came back. But at the same time it feels like I never left.

My doctor wasn't here Friday but she's back tomorrow. I'm curious if she's going to continue with the plan of discharge before Thanksgiving or if she's going to think I should wait til after the holiday.

I wonder if this is all going to be a repeat of 10 years ago. Go into the hospital instead of acting on plans of OD'ing on my meds. Discharge, feel like nothing changed and then finish what I started. This has been on my mind a lot lately and I think I'm going to finally mention it during my check in tonight. Which I have this float MHS as my check in and when she introduced herself earlier my initial thought was a little dread just cause it's not someone I'm familiar with but honestly she seemed really nice and maybe I can be more honest with someone who doesn't know me rather than the other MHSs who know me far too well and my fears of you're just repeating the same stuff over and over or they're used to your melodramatics by now this isn't going to cause any alarm.

*edit, not a float MHS, but per diem. She helped me get my Uber Eats order just now and she is so so nice. That is all.

[pandaspwnz]

so.

we might have to put down my youngest dog Lily. She just turned 5 but a few months ago she started limping so we took her to the vet and found out she has arthritis. No big deal, she's on daily painkillers, seems fine. Then she starts limping again and wouldn't really stand or walk very far, and we take her to the vet wednesday and get a shot of a painkiller that should work better over time, since her regular painkillers weren't doing enough to manage it. Thursday she seemed to be doing better again but then suddenly friday evening something happened and it. got. bad. she limps constantly, legs shaking badly, hind legs won't support her weight, won't take more than 4 shaky steps without sitting down again. We were in contact with a vet over the phone saturday and sunday to figure out if it was urgent or something that could wait til monday (since in the weekend just stepping a foot in the door would be 2200 dkk (around $320). We had given her her regular pain meds, even though we were supposed to cut down on half of it after the shot, but clearly she needed it. The vet over the phone says we can give her some regular strength paracetamol and if that manages her pain well enough, we can wait. So we get her more painkillers, she takes them, it seems to help a little. Meanwhile my mom was willing to be carrying Lily to where she needs to go, but I dug out a cart we had in the basement so Lily could ride on that and spare my moms back and Lily's own little legs.

So today, monday, we got an emergency visit at the vet and the vet says it is. bad. they're overbooked and busy but she said she wanted to see Lily right away and went and made sure they could squeeze Lily in for an x-ray and bloodtest.

So we leave her at the vet to get the x-ray and go home and a few hours later we get a call and it turns out Lily has completely torn her cruciate ligaments in BOTH hind legs. We don't know if they went at the same time because somehow?? this little fucking terminator has said. NOTHING. No howls, whines, screams, anything. Nothing.

Only option is surgery. But it is SO expensive. Getting one leg fixed is 24000 dkk ($3.5k), but since it's both they can do it for 38000 dkk ($5.5k). And that's not touching the 6000+ dkk ($875) diagnosis fee we paid today, or any medicine for treatment post surgery. We thankfully have insurance which will cover a total of 29700 dkk ($4.3k) UNLESS we/the vet can say there's a chance she tore her ligaments in two separate incidents, in which case they'll give us that amount twice, once for each leg. I don't know how it works, don't ask me. It's fucking stupid.

Thing is, we live paycheck to paycheck. At a push we can scrape together 15700 dkk ($2247) which we already spent some money on today for the diagnosis fee on, and we have 3 other pets we need to take care of. If we spend all the money we have and then some on Lily and something happens to the others, we wouldn't be able to do anything. So basically my dog's fucking life is depending on if the vet can somehow tell us, either truthfully or by sticking their necks out for us, that the ligaments tore in two separate occasions. Otherwise we just can't afford it.

Which fucking sucks and makes me so angry because she can get the surgery and there's a really good prognosis!! It's like an 85-90% chance she'd be completely normal once she's all healed (it would only slightly increase the risk of getting arthritis, which she already has a little of anyway). And it has to come down to fucking money.

And we are not. at all. willing to do surgery on one leg at a time. Absolutely not. We are not going to have her suffer for so long just because it would make it easier for us to somehow pay for.

Anyway, we have a surgery booked for monday (which is in a whole fucking week!! that's so long from now!) but we don't even know yet if she can have it. We're expecting a call from the vet who saw us initially so we can find out if we can say it was two incidents or not. We'll know at the latest on wednesday and if not, then we just. have to put her down. because of money. we don't want her to be in pain. but man this just fucking sucks. she's my little baby and I don't want to lose her.

this was taken on the way home from the vet. (yes she's fat we know, she's on a diet and already lost 1.5kg)

please send good vibes

[fantasticcloudcreation]

Jan 5

- I invited a couple friends to work this next gig with me and now I'm in a position where I'm the point of contact between them and the bosses? Weird but I'm doing my best! I don't even know what we'll be doing for this gig ! One friend has a fractured foot so she's wondering if she can still work or not, the other friend wants her bf to come (I've worked with him before so that would be convenient if fractured foot friend backs out) I just don't like being in charge of things!! Like somehow it's on me to know what's going on and communicate that with people?? I'm doing my best ???

- it's supposed to snow tomorrow, like 8 inches!! Worried about getting my van out of the driveway to the mechanic on Thursday but until then it's gonna be beautiful and cozy, worst case I get some exercise from shoveling the entire driveway lol, it's all gonna work out !

- got a new vape today, it's not windy tonight so I might sleep in the van even though it's cold, definitely gonna go outside later and smoke a bowl in the midnight snow 😇

- R is asking if we can be roommates for the gig at the end of this month and I don't even have the mental capacity to decide on that rn, like, there's a lot of layers to that situation and I haven't sorted out all my feelings on it yet... Maybe I'll wait til bossman asks me about it lol. If there's a chill girl friend I think I'd prefer that but it'll make R sad and also start gossip at work... Maybe I'll room with him and we can actually talk about our situation so I can stop feeling so stressed out about it. But I also like having my own space, but I also like hanging out with him. Idk maybe I'll let this one simmer and see how it unfolds.

- I've been making a crochet sweater with no pattern just whims, sometimes it works out perfectly magically but this one is giving me trouble. Kinda frustrated but kind of enjoying the process? Mostly just need an activity rn haha. Already made 2 other whimsical projects this week that are turning out great, haven't finished them yet but the fun part is figuring things out haha finishing is just the tedious attention to detail tying in ends etc. But it's nice to have some cool quirky objects that I 100% made and designed and created all by myself :) just gotta finish them haha.

- I'm feeling stressed about Time; I'm feeling stressed about the van being ok to drive to Florida by end of day Friday; I'm feeling excited for snow and excited about these projects but slightly stressed about finishing everything in the next couple days; also probably forgetting some other things I need to do, like figure out my Google storage situation; feeling stressed about R and working with him again (it'll be nice to see him and hang out and remember why I like him, I just haven't seen him in a while and I don't like the work gossip but if we can talk about our situation I'll feel better); excited to see the homies at the FL gig and the other homies at the Nola gig; at this point, just relax! Finish your crafts! Enjoy the rest of this week with my dad!! Have a fun lil speedy road trip down to FL and dive into work! Feeling actually really excited to go hang out with D after the Nola gig ends. Everything is working out!!! It's all part of the journey and I'm just figuring it out one step at a time!!!