#but idk maybe ill race next year!

[beansnpeets]

The other day sled dog guy was telling me about the race and he told me there was a young lady there running the 6 dog race that was from Florida and she had never been on a sled before. He suggested I run the 6 dog next year 😂

[pierregazly]

1+ 2 = ...4? ꨄ pierre gasly smau

pierre gasly x wife!russell!reader

warnings: pregnancy, mentions of twins, george having a meltdown

in which pierre put his tripod to use and caused two major outcomes, george has a meltdown, and all the fans just want to know what's going on?

ynrussell

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tagged pierregasly

ynrussell joyeux anniversaire mon amour. three years ago today i married the love of my life and became the official mrs. gasly, so excited to give you your present tonight 🫶🏻

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username omg babes post the present!!! let us all be jealous

username happy anniversary mom and dad

charles_leclerc 🥳💗

username feel like it was just yesterday that i was jealous out of my mind about their wedding... still jealous tho

pierregasly joyeux anniversaire ma chère, i am the luckiest man in the world

pierregasly can't wait to give your your own present tonight

pierregasly it rhymes with tierod

username TRIPOD PIERRE

username im SCREAMING send this man right to PRISON

georgerussell63 god every time i see anything to do with you two i have to bleach my bloody eyes. happy anniversary you two, im disgusted.

username poor george, him and carmen are so tame compared to these two... i love the polar opposite sibling trope

ynrussell has posted a story

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pierregasly i hope the pizza was good ma chérie, and hope it satisfied the little bean's cravings

ynrussell it was delicious... but we kind of want chocolate now too :(

pierregasly ill check ubereats and see what i can do

ynrussell mine and the bean's saviour 🫶🏻

pierregasly

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tagged alpinef1team

pierregasly unfortunately not the finish we would have liked, the 15 second penalty cost us significantly and i apologize to my team and all our fans for it. will come back bigger and better next time 💪 now time to go and spend some well deserved time off with my family

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username thank you for pushing through and giving us an awesome race to watch pierre!

username loved your helmet this weekend pierre!

username sad that mother ynrussell wasn't here this weekend, but happy to see her in the likes

username 'well deserved time off with my family' do we think that's alluding to something else????

username girl he's obviously talking about his wife and his family??? like what

username ummm sorry he almost always says 'my loved ones' gotta push the pregnancy rumour agenda some more

ynrussell we're all so proud of you pear 🫶🏻 the track limits and penalties are bullshit and i'll be sending a strongly worded letter to whoever costs you anything good

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pierregasly 😂😭🤍

username who is 'we're all' who is the plural that she's referring to omg

username i'm telling y'all... mother is becoming a real mother idc what any of y'all say

pierregasly has posted a story

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ynrussell omf make sure you get extra cheesecake... and extra elcairs, and a few brownies... maybe get a few of everything??? the bean's want them!!!!

pierregasly well if the bean's want them....

username this SCREAMS my wife is pregnant and sent me on a late night snack run omf

username tell us your secret!!!!

ynrussell

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tagged pierregasly

ynrussell sorry just have to appreciate how incredibly sexy it is seeing my super sexy amazing husband with kids!!! like how lucky am i!!! can't wait til' you're holding our future babies (my ovaries are exploding, i am crying, it's going to be a long day)

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username girl this seems a little feral idk

georgerussell63 this is certifiably disgusting. please grow up.

username you know who would post something like this??? a wife expecting a baby who is getting more excited about that baby seeing her husband with kids

username seems legit idk

pierregasly is this your nice way of asking me to pickup more eclairs on the way home?

ynrussell cinnamon buns too?? please?? je t'aime

pierregasly can't wait to hold our future bean's too ma chérie

username pierre as a dad is going to be so sexy, ynrussell is so right??? those babies are going to be beautiful omf

ynrussell and pierregasly

liked by charles_leclerc, carmenmmundt, georgerussell63, and 566,493 others

pierregasly october 2024 / gasly thing 1 and gasly thing 2 🐣🚼

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ynrussell omg i'm pregnant???? SURPRISE

ynrussell maman is begging for them to come sooner, her poor back.

username AH I KNEW IT. I CALLED IT. MY HEART.

username THING 1 AND THING 2 AHHHHH

username pierre is gonna be a girl dad AND a boy dad?????? we're so blessed

georgerussell63 excuse me????

georgerussell63 you knocked my sister up????

georgerussell63 i told you to stay away from her??? this is outrageous i am disgusted

pierregasly sorry, tripod's work well.

ynrussell pierre delete this comment rn, i swear to god.

georgerussell63 (i am so excited to meet my baby niece and baby nephew. uncle georgie loves you both so much)

lewishamilton congratulations! roscoe is so excited 🤍

charles_leclerc uncle cha reporting for duty 🫡 congratulations, you two.

georgerussell63 i'd like to emphasize i'm still having a meltdown from when you casually gave me a bottle of gin to announce this. gasly genes should not be casually mixed like this.

username i dont think anyone understands the joy im feeling??? im honoured to be alive to see this

username they're gonna be such amazing parents im literally ????? so excited??????

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ynrussell thank you for the beautiful baby shower, auntie carmen already has spot number 1 🫶🏻

username omg omg omg omg

username this is SO CUTE

ynrussell has posted a story

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username girl u look like ur about to pop (lovingly)

pierregasly my beautiful wife

ynrussell i don't feel very beautiful right now. i feel huge and tired and exhausted.

pierregasly still the most beautiful woman in the world

ynrussell

liked by pierregasly, alexandrasaintmleux, georgerussell63, and 56,439 others

ynrussell things are getting very, very real (not real enough for my back to not hurt, thing 1 and 2 you both are killing me)

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username this aesthetic is so CUTE (that room is fucking beautiful i want a house tour????)

username they're literally due in like less than 2 months???? pierre is gonna be a dad that soon???? praying for u ynrussell

charles_leclerc im personally demanding compensation for the bruises i have from putting the nursery together

ynrussell shut up cha, you literally offered and begged to be involved

pierregasly yeah shut up cha

alexandrasaintmleux can't wait to see my art piece up in the bébé's room 🫶🏻

ynrussell knew i could always count on you angel

username im so invested in this pregnancy none of you even understand

username starting a poll asap on the babies names omf

ynrussell and pierregasly

liked by charles_leclerc, georgerussell63, roscoelovescoco, and 675,487 others

ynrussell 2024.10.16 / welcome to the world my precious théodore and éloïse. maman and papa love you so much.

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username omg congratulations!!! such beautiful names.

username they share a birthday with charles im crying

lewishamilton congratulations! so beautiful, you are a rockstar ynrussell

charles_leclerc truly the best birthday present i could've asked for. ellie and théo should be so proud of their maman.

pierregasly the happiest day of my life, given to me by the most important woman in my life. thank you for blessing me.

username again i am so invested in this. i am so happy for these two, they're going to be incredible parents.

alpinef1team welcome to the family baby éloïse and baby théodore!

mercedesamg welcome to the family x2

username oh girl the racing teams are gonna FIGHT over these two just you wait

and there she is! after weeks of gasly!twin asks, i finally decided it was time to bring them to life in the realest way i could. i hope you all loved this as much as i loved writing it. thank you to everyone for all the incredible inspiration, and for continuing my obsession.

taglist

@leclercdream @myescapefromthislife @princessria127 @iloveyou3000morgan @love4lando @asfaraslifegets @decseptapril @somanyfandomsbruh @fangirl125reader @imagandom @motorsp0rt @jspitwall @glitterf1 @christianpulisic10 @carlandonorri-s @smoothopz @eugene-emt-roe @epitios @myloverjk-blog @glow-ish @goldenmclaren @mercunty @success78 @nicolereinara

if you're missing from the taglist, pls dont hesitate to send me a message!!

[batsplat]

Thank you so much for ur work for this community 😭

thank you!! so, listen, I need to get some casey, jorge and valentino images out into the world

this is from the 2007 qatar post-qualifying press conference. obviously it's not just the three of them given colin edwards is like. right in the middle. (and *checks notes* gábor talmácsi is also there.) but still a photo of historical significance... casey's first ever race with the ducati (which he very much wins), plus valentino with his then-current teammate edwards and then-future teammate jorge... it's a bit unclear when jorge was actually signed - lin jarvis implies it was in 2006 but if that's the case, edwards seemed to be under the impression for a little too long that he wasn't going to lose that seat. anyways! look at wee nineteen year old jorge lorenzo, look at his utter absence of anything approaching a smile... look at him

misano 2007 post-qualifying press conference and a very powerful photo imo... some nicely contrasting vibes here, good composition... jorge had already been announced as valentino's teammate, and the title is already more or less in casey's pocket (even more so after casey won here and valentino had a mechanical dnf lol - they'd basically brought the race back to the calendar for valentino so this was. not ideal! incidentally still the last race with an entirely non-european podium.)

not much from 2008 tbh. casey and vale took turns to flop in the first bit of the season and then jorge started crashing his brains out. anyway these are from indianapolis, at a time when jorge was just about in the process of getting his act together while casey had crashed in his last three races (including laguna where he picks up the bike to finish p2). quite fond of this race actually, bit of a mess due to the weather and ends up getting red-flagged

first race of 2009.... casey's scheduled annual qatar win. decent shout for his most boring one of the lot, sorry king

pre-event presser before mugello, where valentino had won seven consecutive times headed into the 2009 race. if I'm valentino I low-key never show my face again after the le mans catastrophe but whatever it's fine

the le mans fiasco in question

anyway mugello is another wet-ish race that valentino ended up playing too conservatively because of the le mans horror show. so casey wins! also jorge beats valentino! old man's washed! just about scams his way onto the podium

italian press weren't particularly kind to valentino for having the audacity to lose mugello. they said it was over... he was finished... imagine only winning a race seven times in a row. was he even trying any more? loser

valentino bounced back at catalunya 2009 in highly dramatic fashion (y'know, it's the one with the last corner overtake). moment of deep historical significance in which jorge pulls valentino down from the podium to give him a hug

first race where casey was really struggling with his mystery illness... idk if I were valentino or jorge I'd maybe check if the third guy on the podium isn't about to drop dead but. well. professional athletes, never really been known for their empathy. they did clap along with the journalists in the post-race press conference when the moderator thanked casey for actually making it to the presser, so that's something?

we all have our struggles

the very next race. immaculate vibes imo. the 2009 title fight going into assen had all three of them tied on 106 points... #heritage

anyway the race itself is pretty boring (as unfortunately are many of the races that year), but it's valentino's 100th win so good on him ig. he got out a special banner with photos of all his wins, which would've been an absolute pain to lug around if he'd not immediately won the next race after his 99th

cute. unfortunately, this is now very much mystery illness period for casey... heroic effort to get himself to the podium but not much more was possible at the time

laguna 2009 post-quali presser. jorge is sitting for the photo, because even though he'd bagged pole, he had a massive highside right at the end of qualifying... hurt both his ankles and his shoulder. he'd also had a horrendous highside right at the start of laguna '08, did a good job to banish his gremlins in order to win at the circuit in 2010

qatar 2010... can't have been after the race because casey crashed :/ valentino grabbed the win, before immediately injuring his shoulder in a motocross accident. all went downhill from there, really. damn the eruption of eyjafjallajökull we were robbed

laguna 2010 podium, most memorable as 'that time when they accidentally played the italian anthem rather than the spanish one and valentino thinks it's extremely funny' (clip here). extremely poor quality photo shows casey found it funny too. very #them thing to happen to them. valentino buddy the cap's supposed to remain off for the duration of the anthem

this is very much post-leg break btw, still pretty cordial with each other given some of the stuff they'd been saying about each other to the press during that period lol (not casey/jorge, they were basically fine by this point)

presser right after jorge and valentino's little motegi misadventure... gifs from the presser. valentino's smirk vs casey's grin while jorge is being interrogated, I think about you often...

this was casey's fourth consecutive phillip island win (of six total)... isn't that just like. an incredibly cool circuit to be goated at. does mean the fight for the victory was generally quite boring - though the battles behind casey weren't always exactly thrilling either, so you can blame that on the era too. 2008 and 2010 has decent action behind casey, 2009 is the closest casey was pushed for the win and 2011 at least has a bit of weather-related jeopardy

valencia 2010, photos taken before unfortunate events

last shared podium!! le mans 2012, a fun wet race that featured the final proper casey/vale duel at the race after casey's retirement announcement so has real sentimental value... congrats to valentino for not collecting casey this time. presser clip where he shows he's also pretty glad about how he (just about) managed this

[lilioopdf]

Do you think that there is a possibility that Pepe might be considering quitting racing altogether?

I say this because I recently saw an excerpt of an interview, where Pepe mentioned that he nearly quit racing in 2020, after a bad year, until his parents encouraged him to keep going.

He's had a terrible year this year and this last weekend with the crash left him visibly shook in a way I haven't seen him before.

Plus, he has joined university and I'm not sure what the point of that is, if he's really serious about his racing career. Other drivers like Ollie Bearman quit school early and have said that you need to give racing your 110%, which you can't do, if you are trying to do school and racing at the same time.

Finishing school is one thing but I was very surprised when I heard that Pepe was pursuing university as well. It might be a controversial opinion, but I don't think that's the right move for him, when he's already struggling in F2 this year. He needs to focus and give more time to racing next year, but instead, he is putting more on his plate and risking not maximising his chances and giving racing his best shot next year too.

He's so young, he can always pursue university later if he needs to, instead of doing it now, when it's going to potentially affect his chances of succeeding in motorsports, where there is such a narrow window of opportunity, which he only has now and which won't be available in the future.

oh my god the way i completely forgot about that interview until you brought it up

ABOUT THE UNI THING THOUGH OMG i asked my friend the EXACT same thing and she told me she doesn’t think he plans on quitting racing just from “vibes” so i was like yeah okay whatever but honestly i get what you mean too because in my mind, uni is such a time consuming and overwhelming commitment the way racing is and he will (ultimately) have to choose what he wishes to prioritise more in his life

i know lorenzo fluxa once mentioned that he was starting uni soon in a prema vid (but i think that vid was posted like a year ago), and now he’s currently racing in elms (i think?? ill have to check) and idk if he’s still pursuing his education but he is basically doing what pepe is doing yk? and if he is still in uni rn, i feel like that just shows that studying while racing is still very possible (although i do think its very tiring and honestly, not very smart because you won’t be able to fully commit to either)

but i also believe that pepe’s family really does prioritise having a good educational background, because there was also an article talking about how his mum was very proud of the fact that her son was one of the few drivers in f3 who actually completed his compulsory education. plus pepe has mentioned multiple times that his mum/parents wanted him and his sisters to speak really good english and therefore put them in educational institutions/with educators that could teach them to be perfect english speakers so it would maybe make sense that a uni degree was always a part of what was planned for him in his life

and idk if this is weird but his family basically founded (i think??) movento, and its a really big company in spain LOL (ofc i mean racing is expensive and they have to fund him somehow) and i think there are quite a few family members who are a part of the company and in the more higher ranking positions in the company, so then i looked at their linked in (not stalked!! because it’s public info anyway) and they all come from pretty good edcational backgrounds so having a good education was probably (again) what was always expected of pepe

i think itll be unfortunate if he ends up quitting though because if we sit down and properly think for a sec, there’s already been millions lost to funding his career so far, and i know racing already caused him to not do as well in high school, and that he himself thought it was so amazing that he ended up passing his IBs so BASICALLY what im trying to say is that chances are, he might not be in a very good uni because of entry requirements and etc. (unless he paid for a spot somewhere? maybe?) and his degree will still be a degree, but it’s not the same as a degree from a better educational institution and that if he does quit racing, it’s probably just a degree that will help him either work in his family company in the future, or go back into racing in a different position like an engineer or something idk (i mean he’s mentioned the engineer part before so it wouldn’t be completely shocking yk)

atill idk aaaa there’s sm more i wanted to say but i’m typing this as i rush to get ready for a formal dinner so i’m def missing out on stuff and making mistakes in my speech but omg thank u for bringing this up i hope youre having a lovely day/night rn

[humanbug]

Someone else? pt. 4

Tommy and Joel discover another immune person.

a/n: this will probably be the last part...i said that last time but idk maybe ill change my mind again. i don't loveee this one but i kinda had writers block. again thank you for all the interaction!!! it makes me want to keep writing! as always feel free to comment your thoughts and dont be afraid to send me requests about what i should write next! reblogs are also appreciated!! enjoy!!!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

The sun was beginning to lower in the sky as you made your way to the couch. You smile as the scene before you seemed too good given the shit-hole of a world you lived in. You had a roof over your head, clean hair, several blankets surrounding you, a mug of tea, and music playing softly on the record player. 

Ellie was out on patrol tonight and wasn’t expected to be back until early morning. You felt nervous spending the night alone but already felt like such a burden living in her home and her taking care of you. She would constantly be giving you reassurance opposing the very idea of being a burden but the fear was still there. 

As you snuggle into the blanket nest you’ve made on the couch your mind wanders to the conversation you had with Ellie this morning. She had let you know that Tommy had found a place for you to live on your own but if you wanted to keep living with her that you could. It had been on your mind all day.

‘Do I want to live alone? I haven’t…ever lived alone? God, the very thought makes me nauseous. That’s so pathetic. Fuck this shouldn’t be such a hard decision-’ Your thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the door. You sit up, frozen, heart racing. Another knock sounds followed by a soft voice calling your name. Dina? You had gotten to meet her about a week ago but what was she doing at your door this late?

Walking to the door with a blanket around your body you open it to see Dina standing there.

“Hey! Can I come in? It’s freezing but I wanna ask you something!” She asks with a gentle smile.

Stepping aside, she walks in rubbing her hands over her arms to warm herself up. 

“Uh…what’s up Dina?” You shift nervously on your feet.

She smiles warmly at you, “Jesse and I are planning on hanging out at the Tipsy Bison tonight. We thought we’d ask you to join us. I know Ellie is on patrol tonight and thought you might enjoy some company!” 

“Oh! Um- I mean- I dunno. I mean, yeah? Yeah! I’ll join you guys.” You stutter out. Anxiety filling your body to the brim. It couldn’t hurt to go out. You had basically been a hermit the last few weeks anyway, only going out for some meals and to the medic building a few days ago to get your stitches removed. Besides Ellie won’t be back ‘till the morning anyway and you’d probably get bored soon just sitting around the house.

“Yes! Oh I’m so happy! I’ll wait outside for you to get dressed and we’ll walk over.” She grins in excitement, already easing your anxiety at her eagerness to spend time with you. 

Changing into jeans and a long sleeve shirt, slipping one of Ellie’s hoodies over. Slipping on your boots you look into the small mirror, smoothing your hands over your hair anxiously. 

‘Deep breaths! Just be cool. It’s not a big deal and whatever you do, do not mention your…injury.’ You give yourself a pep talk and before you can psych yourself out you swing the door open and step outside. 

Walking over to the Tipsy Bison together, you two make small talk. You learn that Dina has lived in Jackson for about three years and that she and Jesse are dating. She asks about you and Ellie’s relationship and your face burns and you ramble out, “Relationship!? Oh, I- We aren’t- She just took me in because Tommy asked her too! I don’t- She’s not- I’m- I’m pretty sure I am more of a thorn in her side than anything.”

Dina looks over at you, giving you a knowing smile as you ramble. “I mean, if you insist! I see the way she looks at you and trust me, if someone is a thorn in Ellie’s side she…doesn’t hesitate to let them know. That girl has no filter and is the worst at hiding facial expressions.” She laughs out. 

Before you can ramble out even more about what a pest you’ve been to Ellie you are walking through the doors of the bar. The building is warm, both in temperature and in ambiance. The room is dim with warm lighting, there is a large bar covering one side and tables and chairs made out of old wooden barrels along the opposite wall. There are a decent amount of people around causing your anxiety to sky rocket, still not being used to being around so many people all the time. 

The two of you join Jesse at the table in the corner of the bar. Noticing that he has a game of scrabble ready to be played, your face lights up at the thought of playing a board game. You couldn’t even remember the last time you could enjoy something as simple as a board game. 

—

“Shvitz is a word goddamnit! It’s a word! Twenty one points! Write ‘em down!” Dina shouts at Jesse.

“Fine! Fine but only because I am feeling kind…because it’s not a word.” Jesse concedes causing Dina to give him the middle finger. Dina leans over the table to watch and make sure Jesse gives her the correct amount of points.

You are laughing so hard that your cheeks hurt. The two of them had been arguing over every other word played and it never seemed to get old. Realizing that you're starting to get a small headache from laughing so hard you look over to the bar wondering if you should ask for water. 

‘C’mon don’t be a baby. Just get up and ask!’ You think to yourself.

Taking a deep breath you rise up and walk over to an empty standing spot. Making eye contact with the bar-tender and giving him a small smile just to get his attention you patiently wait for your turn. Leaning against the bar and fiddling with your fingers, your shoulders square and a chill runs down your back and the sudden intrusion of your personal space. Turning around slightly you see a young man standing…way too close looking down at you. A smug smirk on his face.  

Giving him a tight lipped smile you try to scoot past him abandoning the idea of getting water however he places his arm on the bar in front of you becoming painfully invasive of your personal space, that stupid smoke growing as if he won something.

“Excuse me…please move.” You mumble.

“Aw c’mon now. Don’t run off like a scared little kitten. I’m just tryin’ to talk to you.” He jeers. 

‘Oh my god. Oh my god. Please just move.”

Giving an uncomfortable smile, not wanting to anger him, “I- I’m okay. Really.” You begin to take a step back but he places a hand way too low on your back.

“And what’s a little thing like you gonna do if I don’t, hm?” His voice takes a mocking tone.

“Please- Please just-” You are cut off by the man being violently shoved off of you. Gasping you press yourself against the bar as you see Ellie getting in the man's face.

“You put your fucking hands on her!? Huh!? Fucking answer me. You were so fucking cocky ten seconds ago!” She says inches from his face.

‘Ellie!? What the fuck!?’ 

You see her rear her hand back in a fist but before you can think you rush forward to stop her. This needs to stop, she got her point across. Grabbing the back of her jacket you pull her attention towards you. 

“Ellie! Please stop. C’mon you got your point across. Please!” You say desperately. 

As her attention shifts to you, her gaze softens into worry. Grabbing your hand she rushes out of the bar with you stumbling behind her.

Dina and Jesse are rushing behind you two.

“Ellie! Ellie, stop! What the fuck?” Dina is shouting at her. 

As the four of you step into the cold, Ellie turns around keeping you behind her. You keep your head down feeling downright mortified.

“Me ‘what the fuck!? What the fuck were you thinking taking her out? Did you even see that sleaze touching her? Huh!?” She seethes.

You mumble out, “It’s not their fault Ellie please…”

Jesse steps forward holding a hand out to Ellie, “Christ, Ellie take a breath!”

“I just-” She takes a deep breath, “I just panicked okay? I got back from patrol early and she wasn’t home and I just panicked, okay?” She rushes out, regret settling deep in her bones.

Looking over at you apologetically Dina sighs, “We’re sorry for not seeing that creep. We just wanted to invite you out and really didn’t think some perv was gonna try something.”

Feeling so embarrassed you almost cry as you rush out, “Please! Please don’t apologize! I had so much fun, really.” Turning to look at Ellie, “I’m okay, I promise. Please don’t be mad at them Ellie.” You give your best puppy dog eyes to her.

Running a hand over her face, she huffs out a breath, “I can’t be mad when you’re looking at me like that…I didn’t mean to freak out. I didn’t mean to ruin you guys’ night either.” Regret laced in her tone.

“Can we hang out again tomorrow night! Please!” You ask everyone, hoping to ease the tension. Really hoping they agree so you can spend more time together. Feeling overjoyed at the feeling of normalcy that Jackson has given you. You got to go to a bar and play board games, never in your life did you think that you would be able to have that kind of fun. 

The tension dissipates from the air as Dina grins ear to ear, “Of course, Tipsy Bison tomorrow at seven!” She beams with almost as much excitement as you.  

–

As you both walk back to the house there’s a tension that lulls in the air. Neither of you can figure out what to say to the other. You bite your lip in anxiety and kick stones on the ground as you shuffle along. 

‘Fuck it! Just say it! Say it!’

“I don’t want to live alone!” You rush out, your cheeks turning red, not giving her a chance to respond you ramble on, “I- I’ve never lived alone and- you make me feel safe and I- If you are totally sick of living with me I understand- so don’t hesitate to tell me-”

“I’d like that. For you to keep living with me.” She cuts off your rambling, making you look at her with wide eyes. 

“Really?” You practically whisper. Not believing what you heard. 

“Really.” She assures as she unlocks the front door. 

You toe off your shoes and flop down on the bed and she leans on the edge of her desk, fiddling with her fingers. Silence falls over the two of you again.

Feeling confident at Ellie’s lack of rejection of your confession, you take a deep breath and move to stand in front of her. Upon sensing your movement she glances at you as you step forward and take her face in your hands, pressing your lips to hers.

She stills for a second before returning the kiss with fervor. Placing her hands low on your waist she pulls you flush to her body. She runs her tongue along the seam of your lips, asking for entrance and you give it to her without hesitation. Ellie’s grip on your waist tightens as she begins to stand, lips still molded onto yours. Needing air you pull back, not expecting her to keep kissing across your cheek and down your jaw you whine. She lets out a chuckle at your sound and guides you backward, bodies still pressed together. 

The back of your knees meet the bed and you fall onto it with a small gasp. She pulls back, leaning over you with her hands on either side of you, she presses her forehead to yours. 

“I want to keep you safe.” She whispers, almost as if she’s afraid of what she’s saying. Placing your hands on either side of her jaw you look into her eyes.

“I’d really like that.” You whisper back.

taglist:

@daddysfavoritesexkitten

[jayflrt]

🎀 update since it’s been a while

haiiiii i haven’t been on tumblr in 5ever. i feel like im only ever on here now when u update LMAO. speaking of LIVING for jay/yn. it’s AMAZE. i’m also every excited for the next update. but anywho how have you been! we haven’t spoke in forever i really can’t remember what my last update was abt so im just gonna skim thru things!

like since the start of this year ive been SUPERERRR into f1 so i made a podcast! (podcast in question is my cf on my spam account 🥸) 😅😅 i’ve always liked it because my brother did but i’ve gotten more into it. i also took a listen to romance untold and it’s SO good my favs r defff moonstruck and royalty 🔥.

lowk this summer has been chill like any other. i went to a couple parties with my friends but then after that not much happened. there’s no guy updates bc unfortunately my life is no longer a wattpad story because that was very hard on my emotions 😅😅. i’ve lowk sworn off relationships for a while. obviously not completely but i don’t know recently a friend pointed out to me that whenever im in one its very tolling on my emotions and it’s not good so i don’t want that to happened again. i was also just not in a good place when arsal/cameron/marcus happened. REST ASSURED I AM BETTER NOW!!! #weUP

about my friends it’s going nice! we’re kinda doing our own thing since it’s the summer however one of them, m (i think i name drop too comfortably on here), recently started talking (ish) to a guy and she’s kinda obsessed with him. like it’s in a weird way in where she full blown cancelled plans that we made like 5 days prior just bc she had last minute plans with him so 😃😃😃😃 i’m so happy for her!! (NOT). i have to be honest there’s nothing wrong with him other than the fact he looks like he SNUCK ONTO EARTH WHEN THEY FIRST WALKED ON THE MOON. so 🤗🤗🤗🤗

i have been writing a LOT more recently. like not even just because it’s kpop i don’t know i get the inspiration to write and just open a google docs document. like for instance one of them the plot is mc breaks up with sunghoon and becomes closer to heeseung but plot twist! they’re in a band and there’s DRAMAA 🔥🔥🔥. and then another one is where mc and jake r ENEMIES bc her dog tried impregnating jake’s dog at a dog park 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥. one of them is a sunghoon fic that’s heavily inspired by cmbyn (MINUS THE GROOMING) the other is a jay prank call au where he calls her bc he remembers his highschool sweetheart and she doesn’t even spare him a thought 🔥🔥🔥🔥. there’s a single dad sunghoon au somewhere in there. MY GOOGLE DOCS IS COOKING.

however i don’t think i could ever post it to tumblr. maybe one day when anyone is interested ill send in a little snippet of one of them 🤗 or dm u one of them and reveal my identity 😮😮😮😮😮😮😮. but i don’t know! i’ve tried writing on tumblr before but i was in highschool when i tried soooooo. i also think that im just too busy. maybe one day when im not so busy 🔥.

but yeah that’s really it 🤗🤗. but update me if anything cool is happening in ur life. r YOU having a hot girl summer. i also think u said you went on a trip recently (?) IDK. but pleeeekkk update me - 🎀

hihi 🎀 anon !! omg please i'm honored you're sticking around to update me 🥹 they're MUCH appreciated i love reading them <3 and thank you sm for tuning into yfi786 🥰🥰

omg i have a few friends who are super into f1 too!! the races look like they must be so fun to go to :') YKWW the close friends story podcast is always sm more fun to tune into than an actual podcast 🙂‍↕️ my fav rn is brought the heat back it's just been playing in my head 24/7 and that vocal run from jay hello!!!! moonstruck and royalty are SO good though they're definitely up there for me too

i'm glad your summer's been chill !! it's always nice to just have time to unwind before getting back to the uni grind 🥲 honestly relationships/situationships can take so much out of you mentally so i'm glad you don't have to feel that way anymore!! and im glad you get to spend the summer with your friends 💗

OMG NOOOO YOUR FRIEND NEEDS TO RUN FOR THE HILLS 😭 why would she cancel your guys plans like that?? LMFAOOO PLS we're always losing an angel to an ugly man 😞💔 no that's so upsetting tho :( i hope she gets over him he's not worth cancelling plans with friends over!!!!

omg wait SLAY 😌 the rush of writing inspiration always feels so so good and i hope it lasts a long time for you!!! HELP NOT THE DOGS MATING AT THE PARK 😭 but okay i see you grinding through those plots!!! 🔥 the google drive is being FED and oml if you ever feel like sharing,, my asks are open 🤭 also yeah that makes sense!! i don't bother with aesthetics because it's just sooo time consuming,, like don't get me wrong i'd love to have a super cute theme and stuff but it's def a lot of work :')

omg yes i went on a little trip with my friends :')) we did that thing where we pulled our vacation plan out of a hat LMFAO but it was fun!! i'm very sick of flying tho! 🫤 NO hot girl summer just hot corporate slave summer 😩 i have been trying to pick up new hobbies though because i just dropped my habit of doomscrolling on tiktok 🤧

[toxycodone]

exhausted wolf anon here 🐺🪚 i decided on giant whip spider for the creature my sona is, since they live in caves and it would make more sense to find him in the dungeon.

His mom is a half-foot named Danlok! She was obsessed with magic (haven't read the manga yet but she's into forbidden magic, forgot the name- I'm writing this down for the first time in this ask lol I'll do some research after) andddd got chased out of her half-foot village when they found out what she was doing!! Her husband (Ferfil ig? Fer is his first name 1000%, idk what the last name or family name is yet, just spit balling rn) helped her move into a secluded area, where they had their first kiddo! His full name is Sigvik Ferz, he grew up to be about 4 years old? Before contracting a fatal illness that they couldn't find a way to cure, despite his mother's magical prowess. He passed away after 7 months of his parents trying to stabilize him. So, she left his body exactly where it was, and worked tirelessly to keep his soul contained so she could bring him back to life. She became obsessed with this goal, to an unhealthy degree, submerging herself completely into her work and avoiding anything that would distract her. Her husband was (understandably) concerned, but tried to take care of her the best that he could while she was in this state, making sure she had food and water at least. One thing led to the next, and she managed to bring Sigvik back after she disappeared with his body for a full week. But something was very wrong visually- he was double the height, with a black dusty carapace on his entire body, 6 spiked arms, and two large whip-like appendages protruding from his back. The only recognizable part of him was his face, a slight difference being his eyes were a little bigger, and almost entirely taken up by his pupils, only a sliver of the scleras visible when he looked head on. But, he was back, just a little more reserved and light-sensitive than before. His father was a little off-put at first, but once he realized that this man was in fact his son, his parents both raised him like a normal half-foot child! (holy fuck I'm writing so much I apologize for this lmfao 😿😿)

He aged like normal, until he reached maturity- and seemed to stop completely. Neither of his parents noticed until around 5 years passed? and he had no significant changes in his appearance. Which was, maybe concerning?? His mom didn't know why it was happening. His dad tried to get an answer out of her but she couldn't figure it out even if she wanted to. Still, they took care of him, hoping

A few years after this, Sigvik came home after a little walk at night and his parents were both gone. He looked everywhere for them, in their little hide-out, but found nothing. Everything was in its place, exactly how it was before he left. So, he waited for them to return. Then waited a little more. Then waited even longer. He didn't know how long they would be gone, but they would always come back home before, so he didn't think this would be much different. After the first full day they hadn't returned, he decided he would go looking for them. He got lost in the woods outside of his home, found and promptly chased away by a group of weird tall people (hasnt met anyone other than his parents), getting even more lost. He found his way into a sea-side city at night, explored a boat, got trapped inside of a crate or something of that effect, anddd ended up on the island!! crawled into the dungeon and has been living there since :3

until maybe Laios' or Kabru's party stumbles on him in the deeper levels of the dungeon. He finds half-foots more familiar and approachable than the other races (he would be very scared of Laios when they first meet- large loud man + recluse bug boy with very sensitive ears = instant disaster) and also Kabru and Marcille would be the second scariest people he meets tbh, but Kabru could probably figure out a way to make himself seem non-threatening. I see Sigvik following Kabru's party around if they meet him before Laios' party- or he finds Chilchuck secluded from the rest of the folks and they talk while he's hidden from view since they both are half-foots and have good ears. Then he steps out and scares the fucking life out of Chil because what the fuck is that thing. But then he talks and realizes 'oh this guy is the half-foot I've been talking to for the past 20 minutes in my native tongue. huh.' and yeah ..

Fun facts about Sigvik Ferz!!

His favorite food is sweet-bread, his favorite color is ivory, and his favorite animal is a sheep...

Chilchuck reminds him of his dad so he sticks close to him if he joins Laios' party!

he would be a fucking force to reckon with if he actually tried fighting, but (un)fortunately he has no interest in doing that at all.

Anyway lmk what u think or what I should add to him bc idk what else I could expand on .... What would Venery think of him omg!!!!!

OKAY LIVE!! one. i am jealous of how good you are at naming characters I am. In awe. and that creature is so damn cool????

okay two. DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR TYPING A LOT I LOVE THE BACKSTORY. It's really good! Did his parents get captured for his mom's involvement in dark magic?

I think Laios's party is definitely the best bet for him. In my personal hc I think Kabru finds it difficult to associate with beastmen (like. at least early in the story). Bc although he treats Kuroo POLITELY. He still says not to trust him and stuff (as time goes on he gets better tho as shown in the kobold extra he kinda confronts his own biases a lil)

BUT YEAH. IN THE DUNGEON. he is safest w Laios's group. And I can see chilchuck actually vouching for him, but in Chil's eyes, Sigvik is a victim of black magic and he. may kinda rub that in Marcille's face a bit. Chil would probably want to invite him in the party bc he's like "well we're trying to find a cure for izutsumi anyways" (Personally I think Chil would want to give him money to return to the surface but then hes like wait. this guy cant live on the surface he'll be killed, captured or worse). He sticks up for other half foots lol. BUT YEAH.

VENERY. MAN. ugh. the hyena genes really fuck w him (being a dungeon rabbit mix makes him a tad more docile but. not really. urghie)

He would definitely push Sigvik around. He is probably the most accepting besides Laios since Ven is just. cool like tat. but He's kinda like "this guy CANNOT be this much of a pushover" and then is like. shocked when he is. He'll bully Sigvik and pick on him but like. Does NOT let anything bad happen to him. and he also gets upset on Sigvik's behalf if anyone insults or picks on him (It's Ven's privilege to do that!! not a right!!)

After that Venery is giving him C+C lessons...combat and confidence. Bc he's nervous if Sig doesn't start learning to stick up for himself and fight back then no one will.

[vro0m]

vro0m’s rewatch - 126/306

2013 Indian GP

Seb can (probably will) win the WDC here. The only way he won't is if he DNFs.

It's foggy it seems.

Lewis is third on the grid. On the driver's parade truck Natalie Pinkham is trying to put a scarf/sari thing on him but he won't let her.

He says "I had it already, I just took it off!" he laughs. She asks why, "you looked fantastic!" (She herself is dressed in some kind of sari). Lol. He knows it's not okay. He says "it didn't feel mmhhhngg", she finishes for him : "a bit itchy."

I don't think that was the problem but okay. They agree the Indian fans are fantastic and he says he's happy to see so many people here but the stands are half empty and they’re barely making any noise. He says the crowd is growing every year. They already know they won't be here next year, but he hopes they'll come back at some point. Omg it's so cringe. She says "so you think you could come back in 2015? These guys would certainly like to see that," and then, louder, to the stands, "wouldn't you?" Nobody answers. Lewis says he really would like to be back, the track is really nice, he's had a nice week. The people are so welcoming… We hear some noise from the crowd now, maybe there's a delay, idk. Lewis encourages people from everywhere to come to this race because the hotels are fantastic and you're being looked after (I mean… you are for sure but you're a driver my boy). Natalie says Seb looked like he was in a league of his own during quali but can Lewis challenge him today? He says "naturally… on pure pace? no way.”

“But strategy can play a part today, obviously the start... we can possibly get him at the start, that would be amazing." But in the end he says he has a lot more grip than they do, it's just a different car, so they're gonna do what they can but basically his ambition seems rather modest : to give them a fight at the start and then hold the others behind. 

Okay so. Seb needs to finish 5th or higher but even if he DNFd or was out of the points, Alonso would need to finish in the top 2 to still be in the running so yeah. Lol. It's over. It's been over for a while anyway. 

Full quali report. Grosjean was out in Q3 because he went out on the wrong tyres and fucked up. McLaren got both their cars in the top 10 for the first time since Monza and decided to qualify them on the mediums, which put them in 10th and 9th. Ferrari and RedBull weren't sure what was best so they split their strategies. Alonso and Webber were on the mediums, Alonso is in 8th and Webber in 4th. Massa did better than his team-mate on the soft tyre and he's in 5th position. Lewis as we said is 3rd, while Rosberg outqualified him. Seb is on pole on the soft tyres.

Paul Di Resta seems to have been ill during the week as he now says he's feeling better, apparently because of some curry or whatever. 

Aha but Redbull is now hurrying to change some gears on Seb's car with permission from the FIA. 

We get a segment about world champions and records and such. In 2013, there's been 32 World champions in the history of the sport. Only 6 have won the title twice. Only 5 thrice. And only 3 have won four titles. Seb is about to be the 4th to do so. 

Also note that Seb has led every single lap raced in India so far.

Okay it's time. Formation lap. 

And they're racing! 

Oh my god Lewis has an incredible start it almost looks like he jumped it, but he didn't. He's already ahead of Nico. There's yellow flags. A few corners later, the two Mercedes are wheel to wheel but here comes Massa AHEAD OF THEM BOTH! Lewis is now behind Rosberg as well damn. At the end of the first lap, Seb is already 2.5 seconds ahead of Massa. Several cars pit, there must have been contact and punctures maybe. No, Ted tells us at least for one of them this was entirely strategic to get the soft tyres out of the way. Seb is told to box as well! Alonso gets a nose change. So it's Massa in the lead now, one second ahead of Rosberg while Lewis is only half a second further down. Webber got contact twice in the first lap, he's P6, Seb is P15, Alonso is P20. Remember that Alonso has to finish in the top 2 or Seb wins the title. Webber pits. Jenson pits. Amazingly the current top 3 is still out on the softs. Raikkonen is starting to struggle on this tyre so it won't last. Rosberg pits indeed. Raikkonen pits. Massa and Lewis are still out… Massa is called in. Lewis pits. It's all messy then I don't know what the real order might be. Let's see… 

So on lap 10, we have Webber in the lead (pitted), followed by Perez, Ricciardo, Grosjean and Sutil (who I all presume didn't pit??? But who knows). Then there's Seb (pitted), Gutierrez (not?), Massa (pitted), Bottas (?), Rosberg and Lewis (pitted), Hulkenberg (pitted), and see it's all messy I don't know who pitted and who didn't. 

Seb overtakes Sutil. Alonso attacks JEV who defends for P16. Rosberg overtook Bottas for P9 but Lewis hasn't yet. Seb is up in P4 ahead of Grosjean. Lewis is still P11 behind Bottas. Gutierrez is under investigation for a jump start??? I'd like a replay… Seb overtakes Ricciardo for P3. Grosjean pits, he was on softs, now on mediums. Lewis is finally up in P10. Took him long enough. Gutierrez gets a drive through for the jump start. We see a replay but as I don't know where Gutierrez is, it doesn't help me lol. Oh yeah OK, we see a replay from Grosjean's car that make it obvious now. He started early then braked and then went again. Anyway Grosjean pitting puts Lewis in P9. Then someone else must have pitted because the Mercedes are up another place. Ah it's Gutierrez's drive-through actually. 

Lap 20. Seb overtakes Perez for P2. He's now 11 seconds behind Webber. Alonso overtakes Gutierrez for P13. Oh it was daring, he's lucky Gutierrez moved over to give him room, others wouldn't have done that. Rosberg overtook Massa but went too deep to keep that position. Ohhhkay here we can finally have a look at the tyre situation let me pause. 

Alright. So Webber is in the lead on mediums, hasn't pitted yet actually. Then Seb, pitted. Perez, Ricciardo, Sutil, all not pitted, on mediums. Then Massa, Rosberg and Lewis, all pitted. Bottas, not. And Hulkenberg finishes the current top 10, pitted. Behind him are Raikkonen and Di Resta, both pitted and then Alonso who weirdly went from mediums to mediums actually? That's gonna be a weird strategy for him. 

Raikkonen is attacking Hulkenberg but locks up. But actually Hulkenberg might have gained a position against Bottas by going off track. Penalty incoming I guess? Rosberg is closing on Massa again and Lewis is in his DRS zone as well. But Rosberg pits! He's out in P13, ahead of Grosjean. Webber pits from the lead, he's out in P2. Perez also pits, out in P7, behind Lewis and Massa who didn't react to Rosberg's stop. 

We're halfway through the race. Grosjean is under investigation for swerving behind Gutierrez (the more than one change of direction rule). What's weird is that it's usually the one being chased doing that rather than the one chasing. Perez attacks Lewis but Lewis defends. Nope, he gets him in the straight. They need to pit him I don't understand why they kept him out it makes no sense. Massa pits. Lewis pits. They just kept them out for what, one or two more laps? That's stupid. Alonso also pits. Seb is called in as well. So. Webber, Seb, Ricciardo, Sutil, Perez, Hulkenberg, Raikkonen, Bottas, Rosberg, Grosjean. Massa and Lewis are 11th and 12th because their teams didn't react, that's so stupid. Welp it's not looking like a good race for Mercedes anyway. Alonso overtakes Jenson for P13. Webber pits. Seb is back in the lead, and actually Webber is out behind Ricciardo. Hulkenberg and Bottas are under investigation for that track limit issue earlier. Ricciardo pits. Seb is told to mind his tyres. Rosberg is up in P5, Lewis up in P8, no P9, he couldn't make his move on Ricciardo stick. Raikkonen overtakes Sutil for P3 while Alonso pits again. Pic retires. Webber is losing the gearbox HE'S OUT. It's lap 40.

Rosberg overtakes Sutil for the podium while Lewis is P7, closing on Massa. Sutil finally pits and is out in P9. Lewis is losing again on Massa. No further action against Grosjean for swerving around. Raikkonen is told to save fuel. Alonso is still out of the points. 

It's lap 50, Lewis is still behind Massa. It's driving me crazy tbh. Only 10 laps to go. Rosberg overtakes Raikkonen for P2. 5 laps to go. I can't believe Lewis is still stuck behind Massa wtf is that about. HE ACTUALLY IS BEING OVERTAKEN BY FUCKING PEREZ IN HIS FUCKING MCLAREN I am so. frustrated. Well it doesn't last, but still. He's been trying to overtake Massa for 15 fucking laps for that ahhhh man. Is he sleeping or something? On the radio he says the rear tyres are gone but bro. Everybody's tyres are gone. Anyway Grosjean overtakes Raikkonen for P3. But Raikkonen resists and on the radio Grosjean complains : "Come on guys!". "We are telling Kimi" is the answer. Grosjean is ahead again. Massa overtakes Raikkonen as well. His tyres are truly gone. Perez overtakes Lewis but Lewis overtakes Perez. 3 laps to go. Lewis attacks Raikkonen. Perez overtakes them both and Lewis follows. But wait, now Lewis has the DRS. 2 laps to go. They're side by side but he can't make it past. It's the final lap. 

And it's the end of the race. 

Seb wins the race and the WDC, RedBull wins the WCC. Rosberg is P2 and Grosjean P3 after gaining 14 places. Impressive. Lewis is P6. 

And I know this rewatch isn't about Seb but let us take a moment still.

He fights his way through the crowd to the podium damn. What a moment. Can't wait to see Lewis win titles again in this rewatch AND in our current time. And he cries, he cries. I can't imagine such joy.

In his interview, Lewis first ignores the questions to congratulate Seb. "Four time World champion is pretty awesome".

He says with a more serious face that on their side it's good they scored points but it was a pretty poor race for him.

He says the car felt okay but it was a bad race, it happens.

She asks how much of an achievement it is for Sebastian, especially being so young. "Well he's now in the legendary books," he smiles again. "He already was so… but to win at such a young age, I think he's only 26, it's pretty phenomenal.”

“He's broken quite a few records these years, so you know I'm really happy for him, I'll try and catch him at some stage, he's probably too busy for now." Hah! That's a nice double meaning there hehe.

Anyway. Seb was given a reprimand because he did not drive straight to Parc fermé after the race and Redbull was fined €25k for not instructing him to do so adequately. (Basically because he did donuts and they didn't tell him to stop lmao, stay mad FIA, stay mad). 

[nahoyaglock]

WHEN I STOP BREATHING..

pairings! ushijima x reader

summary! sitting on the beach, so close to each other they can hear each other’s heartbeats. They both smile and they watch the world end right in front of them, reminiscing on all they’ve been through together. Why does the end of the world look so beautiful?

genre! angst

word count! didnt bother actually counting so ill estimate maybe 2000+

warnings! end of the world, death, murder mention, slight ooc ushijima idk its the end of the world so pff

a/n! uh idk i wanna hurt people, sorry if this is bad i havent written in a while :p i feel like the beginning was really good, the middle was ass and the end was okay but hoh im happy enough w this. I also cried writing this ngl lmaoo also did not fix any errors so my bad

You knew it was coming, you both did. New reports, articles, it was trending on all social media platforms. It was unavoidable, what could you do but waste away your last few days, watching old shows you watched as a kid, harsh knocks and cries from your doors from friends and family. You couldnt face them, you just wanted to drown out the thought of what was coming the next few hours of the day.

You had woken up and sluggishly dragged yourself from the comfort of your bed to your dirty kitchen, littered with dirty dishes and some uneaten food that youd try to make, but didn't have the stomach to eat. Your phone rang atleast every hour or two, many unanswered calls and long voicemails you couldnt bother to listen to.

There was a knock on your door, and you sighed, not wanting to bother with facing the person at the door. You turned on your heels, about to head to your room when you heard the voice call out to you.

"y/n."

Out of all the people why did it have to be him. You bit your lip and let out shaky breaths. You took another step, freezing at another set of knocks. The last persom you wanted to see was your boyfriend.

"y/n let me in or ill tear this door down." His voice was stern, laced with seriousness and slight concern. You wanted to open it, let him in and crumble into his arms, but it hurt so bad.

"Go away." You spoke, loud enough to be heard through the door, but not loud enough to be a yell.

"y/n."

You hesitantly walked to the door, unlocking the bottom lock, the top lock remaining unlocked, too bothersome for you to have delt with anyways. At the sound of the click of the locks he opened the door with quick motions, while also being careful not to knock you over.

At the sight of his big frame you felt like the world had just stabbed you through the chest 28 times. You backed up with quick steps are your boyfriend reached out to hug you, scared that his touch would break down your facade. You tripped over your own feet, landing hard on your butt.

"Ush.. Ushijima," you started, not knowing exactly what you were trying to say, "Please dont touch me."

His heart sank when he saw you, lifeless and so frail. He guessed you havent been getting much sleep- or maybe too much sleep, and not eating as he took a quick glance towards the food littered kitchen counter.

It wasnt any better for you, seeing your normally cold and calm boyfriend with a worried expression and eye bags that made it obvious he hasnt got much sleep either.

You pull yourself up, your eyes boring through your boyfriends abdomen as you bit your lip, trying to think of what to say, and to also keep yourself from falling apart. "What do you want?"

"y/n. Dont be cold to me." It wasnt a question, but it wasnt a demand. "Sorry," you mumbled, leaving you two in silence for a while.

"Ushi, you should go home," you said, feeling your heart race, every second you spent in his presence, under his gaze, killed you. "You should call Tendou or something."

"Toshi." He said, making your head shoot up, looking him in his eyes, seeing a tear roll down his cheek, his face remaining mostly emotionless, fear slightly present in his eyes. "Please keep calling me Toshi."

You felt a pang in your heart, suddenly the reality of things hitting you. You were the only one going through this, you knew this but never gave it more than a mere thought. He was scared, he didnt know what he was doing, he just knew to find comfort in you, like youve told him to for many years into your relationship.

"Toshi," you breathed, reaching up to wipe the tear from his cheek, "Toshi lets go somewhere."

You never felt the need to go outside, wanting to be isolated, but being here with your boyfriend, you felt like running away, wanting to escape from the dark pit of your home. "Lets go to the beach"

"y/n–"

"Lets go. Lets go, right.. right now Toshi," you felt as if though youve felt shoked by lightning, like you suddenly got hit with some sugar rush.

"We dont have time–"

"We do Toshi, we do, we do," you saw the corner of his lips raise up into a small smile. He hated seeing you like this but he was glad you were more alive than you were minutes before. You knew this, what he was thinking, and you knew his smile had so much sadness behind it, "we have time, lets go, lets go!"

You grabbed his hand and dragged him out of your apartment, not bothering to change from your days out clothing or close the door behind you. It wouldnt matter in another hour anyways.

The ride there was mostly silent, songs playing quietly on the radio. You watched as you passed through the town, the streets were slightly empty, stores looked run down, some stores even tore up and empty.

"Has it been like this since.. since the announcement?" You mumbled, earning a hum for Ushijima.

"Yeah, yeah it has." He knew that you didnt go out, and he was slightly grateful for it. The world went to shit after the announcement, many lootings, murders and other various crimes being commited.

"Im glad your safe Toshi," you spoke into your palm.

"Im glad your safe too."

The ride went on in silence until you got to the beach. You both climbed out of the car, the beautiful blue sea sparkling under the sunny sky. It was funny how such a depressing day could look so so beautiful.

"Hmm, this is the beach we went to with the team our senior year, remember?" He asked and turned to face you. The fear in his eyes was much more evident in the light, along with signs of personal neglict. He hasnt been taking good care of himself either.

You walk around the front of the car to grab his hand, your small hands tracing light circles on his rough palms before linking your hands together, giving him a comforting squeeze. "I remember."

He let out a shaky breath he didnt know he was holding in, and you two found a nice spot on the beach to sit and watch the sky. "Toshi, do you remember the time goshiki got gummy bears stuck in his nose?"

He looked at you, and his face softened, "yeah. Yeah i do." He let out a small chuckle at the thought of his old teammates. "Do you remember when Tendou took my water bottle and filled it with really sour lemonade?" He asked, you could hear his voice unravel into a more comfortable tone, instead of one holding in so much hurt and fear.

"Ha, i actually helped him with that you know?" You spoke up, a small grin on your lips as your boyfriend grabbed your waist, pulling you closer to him. "We'll its okay, because it was 2 years ago."

It had been 2 years. 2 years since you had become shiratorizawas manager, 2 years since you made the number 1 ace fall head over heels for you, 2 years since you had went on your first date with him.

"2 years, its been so long." You laid your head on Ushijimas arm, feeling tired. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders and placed a kiss atop your head.

"Thats when we first started dating," you spoke, shoulders shaking with a small laugh, "i would've never imagined to have the nations number 1 ace fall so madly in love with me." You laughed and turned to your boyfriend to continue your teasing, but stopped when you saw him looking back at you.

He couldn't respond with anything more than a mere chuckle, tears now streaming down his cheeks. You bit your lip, scooting closer to him so you were in his lap, wrapping your arms around his large stature.

"Toshi, I love you." It was no more than a whisper and he placed a warm, loving kiss to your temple, rubbing your back softly as he let out a shaky laugh.

"y/n god, you make it so hard not to cry." He whispered in an unstable tone, resting his head atop yours. "I love you too."

This was how it was, clinging to the other and sharing old tales of your days spent with Ushijima and the boys, tales of times tendou had snuck out of the dorms and got caught by washijou, or when goshiki cut his bangs too short, or how Ushijima brought your parents a half eaten watermelon as a gift.

Those last moments spent with laughs and tears, kisses and hugs, warmth and comfort, those were your best memories. Despite the fate to cross you, Ushijima and everyone else in the world, you felt like you could smile for the first time.

You would smile alot, but it felt different this time. You convinced yourself that it was just because you had been withering away for the past days, but you knew it was because you felt free.

You had no worries in the moment with your lover, you didnt need to think about getting up for work the next day, or how you would afford next months rent. You felt like the largest weight had been lifted off of you, and you could really smile for the first time.

There was a slightly rumble if the ground that had made you and Ushijima go silent. You pulled away from your spot in the crook of his neck to look at him, fear still in his eyes.

"I dont wanna die," he chuckled out, "but im not sad." He drew small shapes into your hips with his thumbs, looking onto your laps instead of your face, and you just stared at him.

His usually stoic face was calmed, relaxed, his jaw unclenched and his eyes soft. You hadnt seen so many emotions from your boyfriend so much, it was almost scary. But he looked so gorgeous, he was your world.

"Wakatoshi Ushijima, you know," your placed your hands on both sides of his face, "it doesnt matter what happens to this world, because," you placed a passionate kiss to his lips, the tears finally falling from your eyes, "you, you're my world Toshi."

He let out a noise that was similar to a choke, tears rolling down the apple of his cheeks as he placed his forehead to yours, letting his shoulders shake with hard sobs. Loud crashes, screams and car alarms had let you know it was coming, the end of the world.

The last thing you saw was Ushijima, smiling snd crying, mouthing out one last 'I love you'.

Why does the end of the world look so beautiful?

© tomura-heart — all rights reserved. reposting, modifying, or copying is not allowed. do not translate. do not read my writing as asmr. do not plagiarize.

[dear-ao3]

silverstone, england. the british grand prix. home race to many. insane track with an even more insane crowd. sight of pivotal moments in this season and many others. an important weekend to many.

unless of course you are logan sargeant. then it is fourth of july weekend.

welcome back everyone. its silverstone, another highlight race of the year. in true silverstone fashion, it was raining and records were broken. today is july 19, 2024 and lets hop in.

theres a lot in here. lots to unpack. and unfortunately ive had a busy two weeks and now need to speed run this to still be on time for this weekend. so. my apologies. ill go into much detail as i can but alas. im positively strapped silly for time. due to that, there might be some stuff in here thats Technically supposed to be on next weeks post and not this one but consider that i am tired. i also hand write all my notes on everything while im watching and i have a record 8 pages front and back of notes this week so. with all that in mind. lets fucking go.

-so its silverstone. england. british gp.

-big fucking deal.

-its lewis, george and lando's home race

-and!!! alex albon's, technically. he races under the thai flag but he is half thai half british and his family lives 20 minutes from silverstone so. it is also his home gp as far as i am concerned.

-as far as teams. a few of them are based in england.

-mclaren, williams, aston martin and i think thats it...

-but! a whole lot of teams (7) have their head quarters in the uk, around in and around silverstone (ish? idk my uk geography is Really Really bad). mclaren, williams, aston, mercedes, red bull, alpine and i think haas??? maybe??? anyway. big fucking weekend for everyone pretty much

-AND it'll be an even bigger deal next year because haas announced that they signed ollie bearman for the 2025 season. we all knew it was coming but it is still exciting! which means we will have now 4 (technically 5) british drivers on the grid

-anyway we will come back to silly season

-both red bull and williams ran special liveries for the british gp

the williams one was kind of especially hilarious because well:

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-that's right!

-logan hunter sargeant, literally from fort lauderdale, florida, and the only american on the grid, had to drive the british car with the british flag on it with his (half) british teammate for a british team at the british gp on fourth of july weekend. later in the team torque video he says that he wanted to find a giant american flag to wrap around himself to walk into the paddock with. unfortunately i dont think he did.

-the only other funny thing to come out of that specific team torque episode was alex albon making fun of george by texting him "yabadabado" (which is what he said over the radio after his win the week before in austria). george's response was, very simply: "hahaha. paddle later?"

-george was able to aparently get his badge back form lando, who stole it the week before or maybe the week before that

-alex also stole lando's paddock pass because lando left it on the dash of his convertible

-and every interviewer ever tried to get the drivers to comment on the max/lando incident in austria

-they were incredibly uncsuccessful

-i wont include every response here for the sake of time and also my sanity but here were some of the good ones

-upon being asked if he and max had spoken since the incident, lando said in the press conference on thursday that "yeah, we did...honestly i dont think he needed to apologize. i think like some of the things i said in the pen after the are were more just cause i was frustrated at the time. a lot of adrenaline, a lot of emotions and i probably said some things i didnt necessarily believe in, especially later on in the week. its...you know its tough. it was a pretty pathetic incident. in terms of what ended both of our races. you know, it wasnt like a hit, it wasnt like an obvious bit of contact. it was probably one of the smallest bits of contact you could have but with a pretty terrible consequence for both of us especially for myself so so yeah...he doesnt need to, i dont expect an apology from him. i dont think he should apologize. i thought it was, as a review, good racing. at times, yeah maybe very close to the edge, but like we've said, we've spoken about it. we've talked about it and were both happy to go racing again.

-max also said "the only thing i care about is maintaining my relationship with lando because we are great friends. after the race, i said we have to let things calm down because emotions run high. we immediately spoke on monday and i think we came to the conclusion that we actually really enjoyed out battle."

-so the two of them were clearly over it. i think even max said in a different interview that he went to text lando about it but lando had already texted him. this however did not stop the media from trying to milk the fuck out of it

-"it was just racing. it was the slightest bit of contact" said nico hulkenberg

-"it was fighting for a win. youre not going to just wave someone by" said danny rics

-"max will push to the limit, as most top drivers do" george said.

-"that's part of racing" yuki said.

"I didnt think anything of it. i was more concerned about my race and enjoying the teams win" said lewis. and then upon also being asked what advice lewis had for lando racing against max he said "i dont really need to (give him any). they have been racing eachother for many years.....that has nothing to do with me."

-charles though had probably the funniest response. if i can find it.

-aha

-this was coupled with the fact that charles was seen running around the paddock on i think one of the free practice days (?) wearing an inchident friendship bracelet. you know as in the "nothing just an inchident" thing from when he and max were kids

-none of the pictures were abundantly clear, but this one was the clearest i could find

-anyway, one team was absolutely not having max's "antics" from Austria and surprise surprise it was mclaren, specifically zak brown

-how many times is this now that zak brown has had things to say about red bull? idk but its been a lot

-"were seen there be a lack of respect" he said about austria and other things. "whether its financial regs, sporting, on track issues with fathers, etc. i just dont think thats how we need to go racing. im also disappointed in such a great team like red bull that the leadership almost encourages it"

-max responded to this by saying, when asked what his thoughts were about it "who is zak brown?"

-and now we speed through the rest of the pre race shit because i am tired

-mclaren sent thank yous to the teams that helped them during their fire last weekend that i think were cookies in the shape of fire extinguishers

-lando and oscar went on a bunch of radio shows leading up to the british gp, and i think surprised a fan who missed her prom to be on the show

-oscar, who has said that about half the calendar was his home race this year and even got adopted by charles to keep this bit up loudly declared that the british gp was Not his home race, just the teams. yeah its probably cause Britain colonized australia, but it was still hilarious.

-lando also met a child that was dressed as him in the paddock, people lost their minds over it

-mercedes is loosing puma and tommy hilfiger as sponsors for next year (probably because lewis is leaving i think) and im pretty sure theyre getting replaced by adidas. this is bad news if you're george russell, who perpetually looks like a tommy hilfiger ad

-danica patrick is unfortunately not actually fired from sky sports for her lizard people video, but she is taking a break from commentating until i think coat to focus on something, i dont remember what. jenson button is probably upset about this

-speaking of jenson button, he was around this weekend, driving his first ever f1 car, the williams fw22. he was very excited about it. he also did the post race interviews but we'll get there

-alex albon got overtake of the month for his double overtake in canada.

-and the dogs!

-roscoe appeared in the paddock, as he usually does. roscoe being lewis hamiltons's dog. and he was right alongside lewis slaying in his fashion week outfits as usual

-leo was also present in the paddock

-charles was asked if leo and roscoe have met up yet. they have not. but charles wants them to because leo is still young and does not have many dog friends

-and arthur leclerc, charles's younger brother, got his own leo, probably to make fun of charles.

-alex albon also released merch that was themed for his pets and matched his helmet (he has a lot of pets) and he traded merch with roscoe

-and there was of course some weird ass pr

-some very interesting ferrari pr

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-and because it was the semi finals (?) of the euros, they had everyone try to score a goal in a soccer net and it was a right disaster for everyone, but especially pierre and Esteban who i think were the only two to miss the goal? actually no oscar missed too. crofty even said "even when you two try to work together you get it wrong"

-geroge and lewis sat on the fan stage and watched the ending of the semi finals, where england won

-max was asked his favorite british food. he said it didnt exist.

-and of course, stake continues to be stake.

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-so silverstone is home to some pretty damn iconic shit, but the year i want to highlight briefly is 2022

-this was carlos's first race win. and in the car on the way to the paddock, carlos and charles ran into a fan who said to carlos "i want to see p3" and carlos, after the guy left, said "why p3?" the two of them reminisced about this in the car on the way to the track this year as well

-and it was also during that race that we got possibly the best piece of commentary ever: though goes hamilton

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-of course if you have not seen this i beg, implore and beseech you to because it is insane, but ill also give the transcript. this is crofty talking btw.

-"perez is catching charles leclerc and he Takes Him Towards The Inside, pEREZ ON THE INSIDE! CHARLES LECLERC! GIVES HIM J U S T ENOUGH SPACE! cAn PEREZ SQUEEZE PAST THEYRE GOING WHEEL TO WHEEL! towards vale now! whos gonna be last on the brakes! leclerc has that inside line! pEREZ GOES OFF THE TRACK, HE CUTS THE CHICANE, OFF GOES LECLERC, THROUGH GOES HAMILTON!!! UNBELIEVABLE STUFF!!!"

-there is a bit more in this video, but yeah. through goes hamilton man.

-speaking of hamilton, he has won the british gp a record 8 times (tying with schumacher for most gps won at a single circuit) and has won his home race more than any other driver. just some of his impressive race stats, in case you all forgot about him :)

-anyway. thats enough of that. practice.

-so practice 1 saw 4 f2 drivers and reserve drivers. ollie bearman in the haas, freshly signed, jack doohan in the alpine, still battling for an f1 seat tho we will get to silly season later, franco colapinto in the williams and isack hadjar in the red bull.

-annnnnd i cant find my notes on this hold on

-aha here we go

-so we had jenson, karun and natalie commentating on practice 1, and they mostly yapped about silly season

-so it had been raining, but it was now finally dry, though maybe not dry enough because yuki got stuck in the gravel

-oh hold on, tangent

-because we're in england, the track has the absolute stupidest names for all the corners and the turns:

-anyway, yuki got stuck in the gravel 10 minutes in and red flagged the session

-"im stuck" he said over the radio.

-once his car was cleared, everything else continued as usual

-haas had 6 new upgrades for this weekend

-most of the yapping was about ollie, who they said was i a good team at haas, even though long term he will want to get to ferrari (they use the same engines, blah blah you already know the deal)

-jenson specifically said that it was good that he was starting out in a team thats "lower on the grid" because its less pressure. he said that if kimi antonelli were to get signed by mercedes for next year "it would be a lot of pressure on [his] shoulders" because mercedes is a high ranking team

-zak brown also came on the radio and continued his anti max and red bull campaign, talking about how "lando needs to make sure (an incident like austria) doesnt happen again" because "until someone tells (max) what he's doing is incorrect i dont expect him to drive any differently" and he also said that the "stewards and the pit wall need to enforce the rules better" because "I expect the drivers to race eachother as hard as they are allowed to" but he also thought that max should have been flagged for moving under the braking, which would have prevented the incident later on

-then there was the obligatory conversation about checo. they were confused as to why checo was signed so early, especially given his recent string of bad luck in races and qualifying and seemingly in general. jenson said that "with the title fight heating up, you need both drivers" and also pointed out that the car suits max, he will likely be happy with any teammate, as long as they are helping him in the championship and not stuck way down the grid somewhere.

-last year, max had enough points to pretty much win the drivers and the constructors on his own, but this year with the fight heating up, they need both drivers getting points conssistently. but again, we will come back to silly season.

-the session ended with oscar having a hydraulics issue and limping back to the pit lane

-i didnt watch practice 2 or 3 but i do know that at one point, lando and carlos were the only cars on the track. carlos asked if any other cars were on the track, his engineer said "lando only" and carlos responded with "car-lando"

-and sky sports posted this...interesting post about it

-thus concludes the practice sessions

-which takes us right to qualifying

-which started with pierre getting a 50 place grid penalty for replacing pretty much his whole engine. i think that this was because it wasnt working???

-q1 was a tad of a disaster.

-the practice sessions had been led by lando, lando, and george. red bull were aparently worried because they had aparently been going and standing outside of the mclaren garage and trying to peek in.

-but it was damp which meant the intermediate tires were out

-still, people were sliding. and someone. perhaps it was crofty, perhaps it was ted, idk, said "the difference is that youre sliding between an uh oh and a yeehaw"

-and checo was on the uh oh side because he ended up in the gravel. and he was stuck. which meant that he was out. in q1. again.

-checo really did not want to be out and over radio he said "all i need is to be pushed back, there's tarmac over there" which is is not allowed to do because that counts as outside assistance.

"can they pull me forwards?" checo asked over radio a minute later. "That would count as mechanical assistance, you wouldn't be able to rejoin qualifying"

-so they red flagged to get him out, and then it started raining

-max went off into the gravel in the same spot as checo, but he managed to get back on

-it was a very tight elimination round, but we ended up loosing pierre, checo, esteban, kevin and valtteri

-which MEANT that for the first time this year ZHOU WAS THROUGH TO Q2 IN A RACE QUALIFYING and he had OUTQUALIFIED HIS TEAMMATE!!

-AND!!! LOGAN WAS THROUGH TO Q2 FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A RACE QUALIFYING AS WELL!!

-esteban though was pissed. "the only lap i have to push was the lap it was wet!" he complained loudly over the radio.

-heading into q2, max had some floor damage from his trip into the gravel, but he managed to stay in

-and charles was having problems, as seems to be usual. he was fighting his tires. he was not doing well at all. he ended up getting out in q2.

-logan also got out, but he was in p12. an all time, record high for him this year.

-we also lost zhou, yuki and daniel

-q3 was where the real fun happened

-zak brown thought that it was going to come down to merc and mclaren for pole cause max had damage. zak brown was correct.

-lando started out on provisional pole with a 1:26.03

-then george went .006 faster than lando, taking provisional pole with a 1:26.024

-max tried to go faster than the both of them, but only ended up in fifth

-toto had aparently promised to be quiet on the radio until the whole of qualifying was over, lol

-lewis briefly went faster than george, taking provisional pole, but then george snapped it back with a 1:25.819, putting him on pole! with lewis p2 and lando p3! the three brits in the top 3 for the british gp! the last time there were three brits in the top 3 of qualifying was in 1968 in south africa.

-and. surprisingly. nico hulkenberg. was faster than carlos. he qualified 6 while carlos qualified 7, making nico the fastest driver with a ferrari engine. Interesting.

-but back to the brits

-lando was excited for some good battles in the rain tomorrow and said that lewis and george both put in good laps

-lewis said that the "car felt great" (whatever upgrades they've put in it clearly seem to be working) and he said that "there was still time left on the table, which george managed to find"

-george said that "the car at the moment is feeling so so good" but also that it was "going to be tight with lando and max will be fast well"

-and then the post show was well. interesting.

-toto was pleased with the front row lock out, the last time merc had one was in 2022 in brazil

-jolyon palmer said that it was a "really good effort" from logan, who absolutely needed a good qualifying this week (logan also has now out qualified checo seven times this season alone. out of 12 races)

-and the ferrari. oof. laura winter said it great. "the car hasn't looked or felt good for charles or carlos all weekend" the two of them managed to qualify 11 for charles and 7 for carlos. which is kinda abysmal.

-horner was also asked about checo. "to go out in q1 is not what we can afford" he said. and he was also asked about checos contract, but said pretty much nothing about it, as in, if they are thinking of replacing him mid season. he did say earlier though that at the moment they are a "one car team" and that checo is "nowhere."

-and well that is our cue

-our cue to talk about silly season

-as we know, ollie bearman got signed to haas. ollie is presently (or at least he was at the time of the race) 14th in the f2 standings. (f2 does have more drivers in it than f1, there are 22 drivers)

-one of the red bull mechanics, whose name i do not know, posted an instagram story after the ollie announcement saying that "im not knocking this kids abilities, we all saw how good he was when he stepped in the ferrari this year. but he is p14 in the f2 championship, 89 points off of the championship leader paul aron who has no f1 seat secured for next year. what more does paul from have to do? 😅"

-then he posted a follow up story saying "a few of you are missing my point. im not slandering barman singing, nor his talent. but what more does the championship leader have to do to secure a drive in f1?"

-and hes kinda right tbh. lets take a very very brief intermission for a second to talk about f2 with the disclaimer that i know very very little about f2

-théo pourchaire won the f2 championship in 2023. he did not get an f1 seat, tho i think it was close between him and logan (maybe?) at williams for 2024. he was briefly driving for the arrow mclaren indy car team this year and then kind of inexplicably got fired (idk what's going on there if you really wanna know do your own research but i know they've been through a bunch of drivers)

-felipe drugovich was the 2022 f2 champion, he is presently the test and reserve driver at aston martin f1, he never got an f1 seat

-oscar piastri was the 2021 f2 champion, he got a seat at mclaren f1 in 2023 and was the test and reserve driver at alpine f1 for 2022

-mick schumacher won the 2020 f1 championship, he got a seat at haas f1 for 2021 and 2022 before he got let go by gunther steiner (gunther didnt like him, i really dont know why) and then be became the test and reserve driver for mercedes f1 and he also competes in the world endurance championship in alpine hyper car

-nyck de vries was the 2019 f2 champion. he did not get an f1 seat in 2020. he subbed in for alex albon at williams in the italian gp when he had to have his appendix out back in ... 2022? and then got signed to alpha tauri f1 in 2023 but was replaced mid season by daniel ricciardo

-george russell was the 2018 f2 champion and he was signed by williams f1 for the 2019 year. he was later signed to mercedes in 2022.

-so of all those names, only two are presently still on the grid. and oscar had to still take a year before he got signed, george and mick were the only ones in recent history to get signed immediately after winning.

-but thats not to say that other drivers havent been brought up from f2 to f1 who havent won

-aside from ollie we have also had logan sargeant, who finished in 4th in 2022 (behind liam lawson (who is still waiting for his red bull seat), théo porchaire, and filipe drugovich), zhou guyanu, who finished in third in 2021, yuki tsunoda who finished in third in 2020, and nikita mazepin who finished in fifth in 2020 (he briefly drove for haas, long story), nicholas latifi who finished second in 2019 (he was a williams driver for 2 years before logan), and of course, lando norris who finished second in 2018 and alex albon who finished third in 2018

-theres probably others that i am forgetting but alas. the signing of ollie does really beg the question of what the hell do you need to do to get an f1 seat besides have an inordinate amount of luck. because also, as we have seen, despite doing well in f2 some of the time the same people dont do super great in f1

-aside from that tangent

-haas needs a second driver

-and right now it seems like they are not going to re sign kevin, they are going to sign esteban ocon

-i have no other information on that except that its a possibility.

-then theres also the checo problem

-as horner said, they need two red bulls fighting for podiums and checo is currently Not doing that

-red bull is pretty much Just Max right now

-but checo has already signed an extension

-however when red bull do contracts i remember reading somewhere that you get signed to the red bull entity or something, which allows them to legally do the swaps (idk just trust me) so they could still swap him with Someone (and they could axe him. they've done it before)

-aparently according to some gossip pages theres a clause in checo's contract that says that he cant be more than 100 points or 5 places behind max in the drivers championship by belgium. belgium is in 2 races from silverstone. unclear if this is for his present contract or the next one or if theres any truth in this at all.

-also. red bull are notoriously ruthless with their drivers and often have dropped and resigned and swapped people like snap. so i think if they were planning to do this they would have by now. also he has an extension, as we said

-that has not stopped speculation tho

-there is more speculation that it would be daniel getting checo's seat in a swap. why daniel over yuki, idk, especially because yuki is out performing daniel. it might have something to do with max's preference because max has had daniel as a teammate before from mid 2015 (?) - 18.

-it does seem that that was the original plan as well, to swap daniel and checo at the start of the season, based on pr and other things (see the red bull cans i mentioned like idk several updates ago), but daniel had a bad start to the season and checo did not

-aparently max also had a decent chunk of say in checo getting re signed

-tbh, idk what to ever believe about red bull. cause lets remember everyone thought that daniel was getting cut before silverstone and now theyre saying he could be up for a red bull seat so ! whos to say

-then as usual we have carlos. hes still jobless. tho pierre said that he wants carlos as a teammate. as we know, the alpine seat seems to be between mick, jack and carlos and mick had his test scheduled during the off week after silverstone (yes its already happened since this post is late, no im not talking about it here im making you wait until the next one tee hee)

-toto also aparently reopened the possibility of carlos getting the merc seat. who knows how true that it but apparently its possible. toto also said about kimi possibilities that "a champion needs to perform in cold water and needs to swim"

-kimi antonelli had a response to this, and it was to have his first f2 win this weekend in silverstone

-and james vowels is still talking about logan. specifically about replacing logan. "i want to give him every opportunity" mr alphabet said "but there will be a lone in the same where we have to make a decision for '25 and maybe for something this year"

-so with all that

-the race

-before the race started though, a quick word from everyone's favorite monaco based youtuber

-yes thats right

-nico rosberg was in the paddock

-well, kinda

-he was at the race with an electric bus of grad students that he was sponsoring to look at travel and biodiversity

-and of course, sky sports asked him who he thought was going to win

-and of course he said lewis hamilton

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-but we all know about the great nico rosberg curse. would he thwart lewis? only time will tell

-and its race time

-checo decided to replace his power unit so he was starting from the pit lane

-pierre had some kind of problem in the great box on the formation lap and had to retire his car pretty much before the race even started

-but the lights went out, away they went

-max got ahead of lando almost instantly and the top three all managed to get out of drs of eachother

-rain was expected around lap 6. because its silverstone. and its always raining around here.

-this was great news for mercedes because they really like cooler conditions

-it was bad news tho for anyone trying to stick to a tire strategy, because the lack of Precise news when the rain would hit made it hard to determine when and if intermediate tires would be needed at all

-lap 18 was when the pit stop window was set to open, but pretty much everyone stayed out, maintaining their pace to hold out for inters because the rain was supposed to hit at any moment

-the rain started on lap 14

-and lando was closing on max for third. he was .657 off

-he passed max on lap 15 on the straight, very clean and orderly and nothing like austria

-so it was raining

-we had george out in front, with lewis 1.546 seconds behind, lando 3.015 seconds behind him, and 1.062 seconds behind him and oscar 1.218 seconds behind him.

-drs was still active and oscar had drs on max

-he passed max on lap 17 for fourth

-and then lewis passed george on lap 18 for first

-at this point it was pretty damn wet on track

-and everyone was still on their slicks (tires meant for a dry track)

-so things were getting slippery

-so slippery that both mercedes manages to go off track, allowing lando to pass gorge for second on lap 19

-and drs was turned off because of the low grip

-this did not stop the mclarens, who were here with an absolute vengence

-lando passed lewis for p1 on lap 20 and then immediately oscar passed george for p2

-so we had a mclaren mercedes mclaren mercedes and then max. and it was raining.

-people started to box for intermediate tires, namely charles and checo. this would be a mistake.

-oscar passed george for p2

-the top four was running pretty close together, which would be vital later on

-lando was on p1, 1.389 seconds behind him was oscar in p2, then 1.047 seconds behind him was lewis in p3 and .927 seconds behind him was george in p4

-lewis was offered intermediate tires on lap 21. he said no. it was too early. he was correct.

-checo came on the radio on lap 22 and conformed this, saying that "its too dry man, its too fucking dry" for intermediate tires (this is because the intermediate and the wet tires look like normal car tires, with treads to push the water away and when youre going super fucking fast this just causes the car to slide around if you have no water to push out of the way)

-also having this problem were esteban, charles, and zhou who had all put on intermediate tires

-theyre "all living on a prayer at the moment" crofty said. and they were

-esteban pitted for medium tires. charles stayed out, in true baffling ferrari fashion

-charles went off the track on lap 25. and he was starting to get lapped.

-"its too early for inters" oscar said on lap 26. and as charles was proving, he was still correct

-but by lap 27 it was definitely time for inters

-first max and carlos pitted (yes, charles had been put on inters but carlos had not been. interesting), then lando pitted, but oscar was too close to him (only .304 behind him) so they couldnt double stack the cars because oscar would loose too much time in the pits, so they left him out an extra lap on the slicks (which turned out to be a bad call), mercedes did a flawless double stack

-max's pit got him a little closer back towards the front

-which meant only one thing

-it was hammer time

-aka when lewis absolutely fucking sends the shit out of it

-so after the pit stops on lap 30 we had

-lando, +3.115 lewis, +4.353 max, +3.012 george, +3.011 carlos, +4.983 oscar

-everyones tires were starting to degrade, oscars were not because he did one extra lap on them, but he was 19 seconds behind lando

-the rain was supposed to last until lap 40

-charles pitted for another set of inters

-on lap 34 george was told to retire the car, seemingly out of nowhere

-"shit, fuck" he said over the radio

-"amen to that, i'll see if i can figure out what happened" ted said

-aparently it was a water systems issue. the car wasnt cooling itself properly and would have exploded if it had kept going

-"george russell is the only person to be affected by a lack of water issue in silverstone today" crofty said. and he was right. but we didnt have time to think about that because things were happening

-things were that lewis was closing in on lando. he was 2.058 seconds off on lap 36

-lando was loosing time. but he had an extra set of mediums. mercedes only had softs and hards. this was good for lando. he could still hold first if he pitted for the right tire at the right time

-lewis boxed on lap 38 for softs

-max boxed on lap 39 for hards

-oscar pitted on lap 39 for mediums

-and lando pitted on lap 40 for softs

-why did he do this when the preferred tire was a medium? no one knows. he was given the choice and aparently he picked softs

-lando also had a slow stop. he spent 4.5 seconds in the pit box.

-lando came out in second, behind lewis

-"norris same tire" bono, lewis's race engineer said to him. "leave me to it mate" lewis said.

-so we had a three way battle. lewis was 2.520 seconds ahead of lando who was 3.273 seconds ahead of max. anyone could win it

-and it became very clear, very quickly, that lando had chosen the wrong tire to win the race on

-still, lewis was holding lando somehow around 2.5 seconds behind him on lap 46

-by lap 47 though max had gotten within drs range of lando

-there were five laps to go

-"if youve got any finger nails left i would be utterly amazed" crofty said

-but no one was listening to him because max managed to pass lando on lap 48

-by lap 49 max was 3.349 seconds behind lewis and closing, but it became clear that he didnt have quite enough time to pass lewis

-sainz and perez both pitted on lap 51 for softs to try and get the fastest lap

-but lewis was still holding out in front

-heading into the last lap max was 2.760 seconds behind him. he didnt have enough to pass

-it was "prime lewis hamilton in his prime real estate" (according to ted) as he zoomed towards the finish

-"DONT CALL IT A COMEBACK, HE'S BEEN HERE FOR YEARS" alex jaques yelled as lewis crossed the line

-he had done it!

-LEWIS HAMILTON WON THE 2024 SILVERSTONE GP!!!!!

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-now why was this a big deal?

-well

-*cracks knuckles*

-the last time lewis hamilton won was in saudi arabia in 2021, it was his 103rd victory (at that point he had already surpassed schumachers 91 win record)

-with this victory at silverstone lewis

-became the first driver to win after their 300th start in f1 (other drivers with over 300 starts for context here include rubens barrichello, michael schumacher, jenson button, fernando alonso and kimi raikkonen) (this was lewis's 344th start)

-became the oldest winner of the 21st century (39 years and 182 days)

-now held the longest gap between first and last wins (17 years and 1 month)

-held the record for most wins at a single circuit (9) (he previously shared this record with schumacher)

-became the driver to have the most podiums at a single circuit (15)

-became the driver to have the most consecutive podiums at a single circuit (12)

-extended his record for most podiums (199)

-and extended his record for most wins (104)

-it was also his 150th podium with mercedes

-and since mercedes also won in austria with george, they are now the first team other than red bull to win back to back in the last 3 seasons

-also we have now had six whole different race winners in one season, and it was the first time since 2022 that max has gone more than one race without a win

-in any case, it was a very important race for lewis, and he was very emotional over his win, as he should be, because it shows that he still had it. which was really important for him after getting essentially robbed of his 8th world title in abu dhabi 2021 cause of the safety car call and all of that

-he was incredibly emotional getting out of the car, hugging his dad and doing his immediate post interview

-jenson button hosted the post race interviews and he and lewis were actually teammates at mclaren years ago. jenson was also pretty much basically crying interviewing lewis while lewis was also crying.

-"ive never seen you this emotional after a race" jenson said. "yeah...i just cant stop crying...i wanted to win so much for them...forever grateful to everyone at mercedes," lewis said. "it's been 2.5 years since you've won a race, i need thought we'd say that about you" jenson said. "you gotta continue to dig deep even when youre at the bottom of the barrel" lewis said

-he elaborated on this later in the press conference

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-as an aside here, pretty much everyone in the world congratulated lewis on his win, but the one that i am going to highlight was sebastian vettel's instagram story

-people were pretty quick to point out that the capitalization and the periods make it very likely that seb himself posted this and not whoever runs his ig account

-and nico rosberg! who we know was there! was entirely silent on the whole ordeal! even though he predicted it! did he break the rosberg curse or is lewis just immune to it? we may never know

-anyway

-despite his emotions, he was still able to absolutely pick apart exactly what went wrong with lando's race in the cool down room

-"you stayed out too long" lewis said. "you could've gone on mediums...wouldve been faster probably"

-this only managed to fuel lando's epic sulk fest that was happening in the cool down too,

-and lewis was right, mclaren absolutely fucked up the call at the end there. they could have had probably a double podium if they had double stacked oscar and put lando on the mediums

-this didnt stop lando though from making oscar do a shoe post race with his own shoe, and then chucking oscars shoe into the crowd

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-max though, decided to shit on mclarens shit strategy it post race

-another team with abysmal calls this weekend was none other than ferrari

-"I am not feeling good, it's too much now. it's too many races, i dont know what to say anymore when i come here. we just have to reset as a team but yeah, there is always a different reason why it doesn't click" charles said post race

-he also filmed his post race ferrari video inside, out of his race gear and it was clearly scripted, which was Highly Unusual

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-fred, the team principal, claimed that both charles and carlos were given the same information about the rain and the tire choice. "we gave the drivers the same infos on track conditions, but charles and carlos were in different parts of the track. carlos was copying max's race while charles was behind stroll and 10 seconds behind. this made the team and charles make a decision."

-people who watched the driver view and listened to the team radios disagreed.

-charles was told "heavy rain on next lap" and carlos was told "chance of rain in sector 3"

-pretty immediately after the race, ferrari released this team statement

-ok now there was a lot that happened in the post race show, it was actually a very good post race show but unfortunately i am sleepy and wont talk about all of it

-tldr: alpine was a shit show, checo continues to not impress (and red bull were testing liam lawson the week after, the team dont have anything to loose really by putting a different driver in so Why Wouldn't They?), logan had a great performance (ended p11 but it could be too little too late, mclaren continue to have strategy problems as do ferrari, aston seems to have fixed their car a little cause they didnt suck, haas absolutely slayed in fact they kinda slayed better than ferrari did and nice was on pace with max at one point

-and they talked about the f1 movie

-essentially theres an f1 movie coming out next year with brad pitt and damson idris and they've filmed some of it at races and stuff actually they filmed some interviews at the paddock in silverstone while some of the drivers (lando) were having the worst time and it was pure comedy

-anyway. the trailer for it came out and no i havent watched it but. lewis hamilton is a producer of the film, aparently hes been pretty involved and well. first of all they interviewed the director of the film who pretty much said that basically everything that is in the movie has happened in real life. and well lets take a look here

-here we have our two main characters right

-and then here we have mercedes in 2015 ish (lewis hamilton and nico rosberg, fmaously in the thick of their rivalry)

-were all seeing this? right????

-lewis hamilton what the hell are you up to buddy

-they interviewed lewis's dad at one point, which i will talk about. antony said that "i know lewis and as far as im concerned he still has everything he needs to run at the top...when lewis gives his best he usually ends up with the win...its the dams that come to the british gp.... you never know what youre going to get there but you do get a spectacle"

-and will buxton closed out the post race show with this, which i will leave you all with:

"we said we could whisper it a few weeks ago, now we can shout it, f1 2024: we have got a season!"

-see you all in budapest

(also ps this post is now long enough that i cant see reblogs so if theres anything you want me to know or see put it in the replies)

Sorry i tried to scroll past but, i know nothing about f1 other than max verstappen is fast, my dad doesnt like lewis hamilton, fast car goes in a loop and sometimes expodes. Could you give me a crash course in f1 drama? Im very intrigued. Whats the tea as it were?

a terribly loaded question, but i will do my best. i’ve talked about some of the drama before like the red bull second seat and the chronicles of haas but allow me to briefly try my hand at explaining the nightmare that is the upcoming silly season

under the cut we go

silly season is when the drivers go through contract renewals, extensions and switches. usually it’s confined to the first half of the season (march-july) but it has been known to extend all the way to the last race of the season and they like to switch people around at random sometimes. driver contracts are complex, there’s a lot of money involved and basically You Are The Face Of The Team so if you have a shit season then you make the team look bad. but at the same time you could have a shit season because you have a shit car. it’s sticky stuff.

so. there are only twenty seats in formula 1. 10 teams. each team gets two drivers. (there’s also reserve drivers but we’re not going to get into that). who ends up with a contract is largely up to the teams, they can pull the contract out from under people they can also cut you mid season. they’ve done it before.

of the 20 drivers on the grid, 14 of them have contracts expiring at the end of the year. yes. 14. you see how this could get complicated.

so let’s meet the teams.

red bull racing. they came first this year (and last year) in the championship. like aggressively first. like they won the championship by over 350 points. they are definitely the team to beat. but if you end up with a seat at red bull, you do have to deal with max verstappen being your teammate and he won all but three of the races last year. he’s the golden boy. red bull are also notoriously silly when it comes to contracts and famously swap people mid season who aren’t performing.

mercedes. merc is home to 7 time world champion lewis hamilton and they have won the championship a great many times, though not since 2021. they are kind of in their flop arc and their car the last 2 years has been pretty garbage, but they have still made it work because they were able to come in second last year.

ferrari. god help the poor little meow meows with a ferrari contract. ferrari is a notoriously great team and they’re trying to get back to the top again but their strategy every single time has fallen short. to the point where their drivers are the ones doing the strategy in their cars while driving. they came in third last year and have been decently consistent at getting first in qualifying and then getting beat by max verstappen on race day.

mclaren. they’ve definitely worked their way up over recent years. they ended fourth last year and have had some championship wins before but not nearly as many as say merc and ferrari. their team ceo (owner? director?) is a little interesting and their car started out a pile of flaming hot garbage at the beginning of the year but they did manage to get their shit together.

aston martin. they are owned by canadian billionaire lawrence stroll, father of lance stroll (one of the drivers for the team). they’ve undergone several name changes over the recent years (force india, racing point, etc). they positively slayed at the start of the season and then one day they sucked. they finished fifth in the championship.

alpine. the frenchest french team. they’re (i think?) still partially owned by the french government. both of their drivers are french. (their drivers also hate eachother but we’ll get to that. just know they’re in the middle of a modern french civil war). they had the opportunity to have a good rookie driver (oscar piastri) this past year but in a thrilling twitter battle, he publically flamed the shit out of them and went to mclaren instead (and slayed). they're usually solidly middle of the pack. they ended sixth in the championship.

williams. williams has been one of the back of the grid teams for the last many years but they have finally started to get their shit together and don’t quite suck as much as they used to. all of the points this year were scored by only one driver though (except one but we’ll get there). they came in seventh.

alpha tauri. they are the sister team of red bull. so technically redbull owns both teams (meaning they can swap drivers between teams. they like doing this.) they’ve just kind of been There for awhile but they did slay towards the end of the season when one of their drivers led the race for several laps. basically tho, this team is the gateway to redbull. they came in eighth.

alpha romeo. recently renamed to stake f1 team (but sometimes they are going to be called kick sauber. this is a whole other drama post and i’m not getting into it). they’re also just kind of there. generally unproblematic. seems that really great drivers who get ixed out of a contract for a younger driver end up here or young drivers who are in their early years are here before they go to a better team. they ended ninth this year.

haas. oh haas. goofy team. they suck. point blank they suck. they keep loosing sponsors because they suck, they don’t win ever (one time they came first in qualifying last year). they cursed themselves in australia in 2018 by not tightening their tires and its been downhill ever since. they came 10th. their team principle got let go (fired?) who’s to say today.

so those are the teams. it is important to note that:

-there is a cost cap. each team is allowed to spend no more than 135m per year.

-not all cars are equal. some things are standard. they all undergo the same testing. but the cars are all very different. so you can be a good driver but stuck in a shitty car. which makes it impressive if you are doing well in a shitty car.

let’s meet our drivers!!!

starting with the guys who’s contract is not ending in 2024:

max verstappen. 3 time world champion. 26 years old. general beast on the track. he dominated the whole season. he’s currently racing for red bull and has a contract with them through 2028.

lewis hamilton. 7 time world champion. 39 years old. he drives for mercedes. he will not leave mercedes until he retires. he really really wants to win an 8th world championship and is willing to stick it out a few more years as long as merc still believes in him. his contract expires in 2025.

george russell. the other merc driver. 26 years old. hes aggressively british and says thinks like blimey unironically. walking meme. got his merc seat in 2022 right when they entered their flop arc by getting his tractor of a williams to finish second in qualifying in the middle of a rainstorm. his contract expires in 2025.

lando norris. mclaren driver. 24 years old. he has notably never won a race in his five years of formula one (mostly because right when his car finally was good enough max verstappen was 20 seconds ahead of anyone) but he is regarded as Very Good. he has only ever driven for mclaren. and even though there is another year left on his contract there is mass speculation that he will not renew his contract with mclaren after it expires and he may move up to one of the top teams (red bull, merc, ferrari) (tho i think he doesnt hate himself quite enough to go to ferrari). his contract expires in 2025.

oscar piastri. the other mclaren driver. 22 years old. this was his rookie season and he positively slayed. like people compared his rookie season to lewis hamiltons rookie season. he also had the positively funniest start to his rookie year because alpine announced that he would be driving for them (he had been their reserve driver and in the alpine academy) and he posted a tweet that basically said yeah thats false i never singed anything with you and im going to race with mclaren instead (he dodged a bullet) and then alpine tried and failed to sue him for $4m USD. he signed a contract extension with mclaren this year and his contract expires in 2026.

lance stroll. aston martin driver and son of the aston martin owner. hes doing ok, tho there was conspiracy that he wanted to quit and have a tennis career awhile ago. but basically since his dad owns the team it seems that hes guaranteed a seat for as long as he wants one.

so now. moving onto the good shit. the people who have contracts expiring in 2024. hold onto your hats people.

charles leclerc. (everyones favorite slutty little soup can). 26 years old. he is currently at ferrari and he has been since 2019. notably, he was given the longest contract in the history of ferrari after a stellar rookie season at sauber (renamed to alpha romeo, renamed to stake f1) where he got the tractor of a car consistently into the points. having the longest contract in the history of ferrari was a flex at the time, but now its likely how he will introduce himself at therapy sessions. ferrari have fucked this man left right and center up the ass with a plastic lunchroom spork. hes talented, he can drive, and he can drive well. but the strategy that ferrari has absolutely sucks. either something is wrong with the car (see him blowing out his gear box on the formation lap in monaco, his car completely crapping out and spinning into the barrier in brazil before the race even started) or they fuck up his pit stops or put him on the wrong tires and honestly its just frustrating. but will he leave??? likely not. you'd have to pry ferrari out of his cold dead hands and at this rate that might be where this is headed though there has been some minor speculation of him going to another team like merc or red bull, but merc doesnt have any open seats and red bull is a whole other dumpster fire of drama. ferrari are going to have to pay him a boatload of money to make him stay.

carlos sainz. the smooth operator. 29 years old. ferrari driver. previously carlos was at toro rosso (renamed to alpha tauri), renault (renamed to alpine), and mclaren before signing with ferrari. he has been at ferrari since 2021 and has voiced that he would like to stay with them for however long he can. there is speculation that lando might replace him at ferrari (but landos contract is not up until 2025) and there is also some speculation that alex albon might replace him. while charles is clearly the golden boy at ferrari, carlos is slightly slower but also definitely consistent. he was THE ONLY non red bull driver to win a race this past year, in Singapore after max verstappedn was knocked out of qualifying by alpha tauri reserve driver liam lawson (more on him later) and because he basically came up with his own strategy in the car while he was driving.

sergio perez. aka checo. red bull driver. 33 years old. and oh boy here's where we open the can of worms. checo was previously at racing point (renamed aston martin) and it was very near the end of the 2020 (?) season and he was out of a contract. he had a bonkers race where he was knocked to the back of the grid and then overtook everyone and somehow ended up winning (there is more to that story but just trust me) and christian horner, red bull team principle, mr ginger spice and definite disney villain called him and said congrats sir you have a seat at red bull! well. fast forward. hes been causing problems. problems as in crashing a lot, generally not doing great and pissing the crap out of red bull. it is basically guaranteed at this point that he will not be getting a contract extension. there was actually talk this year of him losing his seat mid season to one of the alpha tauri drivers, because remember, red bull owns both teams and they can switch them whenever they want to (and they have!) but ultimately this did not happen. even though checo has a seat at red bull until the end of 2024, its mass speculated that he is going to get switched with an alpha tauri driver, probably daniel ricciardo (more on him shortly) mid season because there is a speculated clause in daniels contract that says that if checo isn't performing well in the first few races daniel is getting his seat.

daniel ricciardo. 34 years old. alpha tauri driver. man oh man what a guy. outside of being the prankster of the paddock, he has one of the most batshit careers of anyone currently on the grid. he started out at red bull and was showing real talent and skill and was on track to win things (and was!) and was there until the end of 2018 when max verstappen (his teammate) started getting preferential treatment and also red bull started having a lot of problems with their engines (which were being outsourced from Renault (now alpine) and another team on the grid) and well very very long story short he made the surprise move of the century and decided to sign with Renault (which makes no sense they're the one with the engine problems) and was there for 2 years before moving again to mclaren where he was reportedly not treated very well and had a hard time driving the car so they mutually ended his contract with them early and he basically retired at the end of the 2022 season and became a red bull reserve driver. then halfway through the 2023 season alpha tauri ixed one of their drivers, nyck de vries, because he wasnt doing well and promoted daniel back up to a full time driver at alpha tauri (which we know is only a step down from red bull) but then he broke his hand in a crash in zanvort (?) and then he was replaced for a few races by formula 2 driver liam lawson (who we will also talk about) and then he came back to finish out the season in alpha tauri after he was cleared. daniel has admitted openly that he never should have left red bull and he was given bad advice to do so. hes towards the end of his career at this point and its well known that he Really Really wants to finish out his career at red bull again. he and max have already been teammates before and they do work well together and daniel is great driver (see his comeback in texas (or maybe it was brazil?) this year). so. Pretty Sure that daniels going to get either an extension at alpha tauri or go up to red bull. thats what we all want. get this man in a red bull we need him there biblically.

liam lawson. now technically liam is not actually a formula 1 driver. hes a formula 2 driver, but he was daniels replacement for five races and there has been some speculation and some confirmed news about him so hes getting included. when he was racing for f1 he was at alpha tauri. hes 21 and looks like he belongs in the movie grease. no one was expecting him to slay in formula 1 and he positively knocked everyones socks off. the scene: Singapore. which, if you'll recall, is the one race that a not red bull driver won. this was largely because liam lawson slayed the absolute game in qualifying. the qualifying part of racing determines what order the cars start in on the grid for the race and theres three parts, the first two parts the bottom 5 drivers each time get knocked out and then the top 10 complete for the last 10 spots. liam lawson knocked BOTH max verstappen and checo perez out of qualifying in the second round by going very slightly faster than them, effectively fucking up red bulls race and allowing carlos to win. and he also scored points in that race, which no one was expecting. now thats all fine and dandy, but here's the speculation: hemlut marko (im pretty sure) (who is somehow decently involved in the decision making at red bull though i couldn't tell you how) said that he thinks that liam lawson will be in an f1 seat no later than 2025. meaning that he will probably get offered a contract this year. and hes already raced for alpha tauri. red bull have sunk a good amount of money into him. they clearly want him. so if he gets offered an alpha tauri seat in 2025, that means theres a good chance danny rics is going to red bull. do you SEE how the plot here is THICKENED

yuki tsunoda. age 23. currently at alpha tauri. and fun fact, the only alpha tauri driver to race there the whole year. he had three separate team mates. he is slaying and hes often slept on. he has a bit of a temper and likes to shout on the radio and also hates working out (they had to force him to move to italy or something to work out, long story) but hes been kinda killing it. he led several laps in the abu dhabi race this year and hes decently consistent. people think theres possibility that he could get moved up to red bull on account of the fact that he is younger than daniel and clearly has more years in him,, but there is also possibility that he might not because red bull like to make stupid decisions. and if he doesnt get moved up to rebel, will he stay with alpha tauri? we don't know.

alex albon. age 27. currently a williams driver. alex albon is another one with a batshit career. he started out his rookie year in 2019 at alpha tauri then got moved up to red bull halfway through the year when red bull decided that pierre gasley wasnt doing a good enough job (more on him later) and stayed with red bull for a solid year and a half until he lost his seat in 2021 to checo. he has been with williams for the last two years and is basically carrying the team. like. williams as a team scored 28 points this year. and alex albon scored 27 of those 28 points. and as we know, williams is still kind of in their shit arc (though they are doing much better. they didnt score any points for a solid 2 (?) years. so this is an improvement.) and if you can get a shit car to perform you catch the eye of bigger teams. now, alex has already been a red bull driver. and he was on the cusp of podiuming two separate times when lewis hamilton ran into him. this (among a few other things) basically killed his chances at getting resigned at red bull because he wasnt ""performing"" and red bull are bitches who love to win. but some people think that red bull should give him another shot. like daniel, hes already been max's teammate and he can definitely drive. but theres also talk he might go to ferrari because ferrari think that he might compliment charles's driving style (or something). but going to ferrari at this point is kind of suicide. so.

logan sergeant. age 23. the only american on the grid. the other williams driver. he just finished his rookie year. he scored a grand total of one single point this season, in texas, and it was because charles leclerc and lewis hamilton both got disqualified because the floor of their car had more wear (by literally less than millimeters) than it was allowed to, bumping him up from 12th to 10th. he has never done better than alex albon. he was also the very last driver to get a contract for 2024, with williams waiting until i think december of 2023 to announce his contract extension. clearly, hes on thin ice. but people have also said that he needs time to get used to formula 1 (other people have pointed out that oscar piastri slayed his rookie season this year and this statement about needing time is largely false). where logan ends up next year though will largely depend on how well the 2024 season goes for him.

fernando alonso. 42 years old. many people like to point out that oscar piastri is actually younger than fernando's racing career. he won tiktok creator of the year (somehow) and is also a 2 time world champion. he retired a few years ago, just to show back up again and slay. during the first half of the season when aston martin had a zoom zoom car he killed it, and then they had problems on top of problems and he didnt do well. except for that one race in brazil where he came in third, beating checo by literally .05 seconds. he hasn't really made any hints about retiring a second time and he is kind of carrying aston Martin right now (he scored 205 points this season, coming in 4th and tying in points with charles leclerc, lance stroll only scored 74 points this year.) and they did have their best year yet this year. (though they are relatively new).

pierre gasley. 27 years old. french. drives for alpine. the french team. previously he raced with toro rosso (now alpha tauri), then got promoted to a red bull driver in 2019, then halfway through the season they decided he wasnt doing a good enough job and he got demoted back down to alpha tauri. then he won a race with alpha tauri just to stick it to red bull. after the great oscar piastri contract twitter war, he was signed as alpines second driver, with Esteban ocon being the other driver (more on him soon). estie bestie and pierre (both french) were childhood friends and now hate each other for unknown reasons and basically feuded on the track for most of the season. french civil war at alpine. he scored 62 points in 2023 and came in 11th. not really sure where he will end up, it is possible that he will stick it out at alpine.

esteban ocon. 27 years old. also french. currently driving for alpine. another one with a silly bonkers career. he started out at force india and had a baller few seasons there but his teammate at the time was checo, and checo didnt really cooperate with him too much and caused some drama that cost estie bestie some places and some points. max verstappen also beat him up in the garage once. thats not really relevant but it did happen. anyway, after the owner of force india was arrested for .... i don't remember what maybe it was embezzlement or bankruptcy or something money related, the team was backed by lawrence stroll and became racing point. but all of that happened mid season and lawrence was basically like look ill back you guys for now but next year my son gets a seat (lance) so one of you two (checo and estie bestie) have to go. and ultimately they let estie bestie go even though he was more consistent because checo had more sponsors and they needed money. so he was out of formula 1 for a few years (but was a merc reserve driver) and then went to Renault, which then became alpine. he did come in 12th though overall this season, just behind pierre. so. will alpine keep both him and pierre and keep the civil war going? whos to say.

nico hulkenberg. 36 years old. haas driver. in his 200+ f1 races he has never been on the podium and he really really wants to be on the podium. unfortunately this will never happen in a haas because haas fucking sucks. and everyone knows it. he is getting towards the end of his career though. though! stake f1 will become the mario Andretti and audi team in 2026 (don't question it) and they have supposedly voiced interest in nico. so we will see if he hangs on that long to end up at audi. for now tough, hes definitely hating it at haas. though, haas are going to have a different team principle next year so maybe that will change things. i have a sneaky feeling through that haas will probably end up with another 2 rookie drivers because everyone else is smart enough to not race for them.

kevin magnussen. 31 years old. haas driver. hes another deeply interesting character. he has had one podium. in his rookie season. in his first race. and none since. kevin started at haas in 2017 and then left at then end of 2020 when he basically got kicked off because the team needed money and they wanted to bring in drivers with more sponsorships. these drivers were mick schumacher and nikita mazepin. so kevin basically was forced to retire after the 2020 season. this went decently well for haas. until russia invaded ukraine right before the start of the 2022 season and, well, nikita was Russian and it was never distinctly proven that his dads company (who was sponsoring the team) wasnt also funding the invasion. so nikita got fired and they were literally like 2 weeks out from the start of the season, down a driver. who are you gonna call? kevin magnussen! and hes been back ever since. but hes clearly getting annoyed with haas. there was one great clip from this year where his car caught on fire and he kind of just stared into to, clearly hoping it would burn for a long time. so the likelihood of him extending his contract is looking slim.

valtteri bottas. 34 years old. currently a driver for stake f1 (alpha romeo, kick sauber, whatever you wanna call it). previously, he was a mercedes driver and notoriously helped lewis hamilton win a great many championships, until he lost his seat to george russell in 2022. there was a rather awkward part of the 2021 season where valtteri knew that he was out of a merc seat the following year and kind of just chose violence. he slayed. then he went to alpha romeo, grew a mullet and made a calendar of his ass. quite the glow up if you ask me. hes also very interested in cycling. honestly though, i have my own personal speculation that hes going to retire at the end of this year.

zhou guanyu. 24 years old. driver for stake f1 (alpha romeo/kick sauber, etc etc). hes doing alright. he just finished his second season, in his first season he was majorly out qualified by valtteri but this past season he managed to out qualify him a good 6 times. which is decently good for the tractor of a car hes driving. its possible that he could get a contract extension, but like logan, its probably going to depend on how the 2024 season goes for him.

and thats all the drivers. theres also a few others i didnt talk about, like some other f2 drivers who want seats and mick schumacher, who is currently a merc reserve driver, all of which could be contenders for f1 seats. but one things for sure. this is going to be the silliest fucking silly season.

feel free to add on and peer review me

[bethansfandoms]

Could you do one where Remus has a panic attack and Sirius tries to calm him down? Idk

you know what i feel like i’ve done a couple of these but i’m always down for trying different interpretations so yeah, i can! cw for mentions of panic attacks <3

remus first had a panic attack when he was four. it was his first ever full moon. at the time he didn’t identify it for what it was, but looking back on that night he could practically remember how it felt.

he remembered the dark room, the banging on the door crying, begging to escape. he screamed himself hoarse, he was afraid of the dark. he had been ever since something had hurt him a month ago. he felt horrible, he was in pain, he was confused. he was four.

remus used to have a panic attack before every full moon. when he got older, he learnt to do it in silence. he realised how much his strangled cries were hurting his parents.

he had a panic attack at eleven, when a man came and told him he would be able to attend hogwarts after all. in a way, it was a dream come true. in another way, it terrified him. what if people worked out what he was? what if he got expelled? worse, what if he hurt someone?

remus had a panic attack at twelve. his first and only friends had cornered him. “remus, where do you go every full moon?”

his throat felt like it was about to close completely. he felt his heart begin to speed up, he heard it speed up. he slumped to the floor and hugged his knees. james was talking to him but he couldn’t hear it over the pulsing of blood going through his veins.

there was a pair of hands on his shoulder in an instant, pulling him into a standing position. sirius. it was sirius. he placed a hand on his stomach and began breathing unnaturally loudly, adding pressure to remus’ stomach every time he inhaled and releasing it every time he breathed out.

remus’ eyes darted around frantically. then, he calmed down. he wasn’t sure how. his breathing slowly fell in time with sirius’. once it did, sirius stepped away. “you were having a panic attack.”

remus chuckled softly. “well noticed.”

“i get them at home all the time,” sirius shrugged, like it was the most natural thing in the world. like he didn’t even realise it was a problem.

“what calms you down?” sirius asked one night. they were fourteen, there was a storm. remus had a panic attack. it had been stormy the night he was bitten. he felt so pathetic but sirius had helped calm him down, he had a knack for it.

remus shrugged. you, he thought. “hearing your breathing, i guess?”

“okay. i was just asking so i know how to help is all. i’ll always be there to help, you know.”

“yeah. i know.”

remus had a panic attack after he found out sirius had told snape how to get past the whomping willow. remus was certain he never wanted to see sirius again. in that moment, however, he wanted sirius there so badly it hurt.

james was rubbing small circles on his back, peter was assuring him it’d be okay, that snape wasn’t allowed to tell anyone. it took him a long time to come down from the heightened state of anxiety. he wished very briefly that sirius would just hug him until he was okay again.

he shook the thought off almost as soon as it had popped into his head. it was sirius after all who was the reason he was in this mess. besides, sirius had lied. he said he’d always be there to help and he wasn’t.

remus had a panic attack at seventeen when his dad had written to him saying his mum was ill. sirius had followed him out of the great hall straight away.

remus walked into the courtyard and all but collapsed onto the lawn.

sirius sat down next to him and immediately wrapped him into a tight hug, breathing slowly and clearly and gently stroking remus’ back.

sirius had always been good at calming remus down, when they started dating, simply being with sirius was enough to slow remus’ racing heart.

once remus’ breathing had completely returned to normal, sirius kept hugging him for a long time, still sat on the grass. remus cried into his shoulder and sirius let him.

“it’s not fair,” remus sniffled. “i spent so long lying about her being ill so i had an excuse for the full moons and now—”

“hey,” sirius said, softly. “it’s okay.” he pulled away but only so he could look into remus’ eyes. “you’ll be okay.”

remus found that strangely reassuring. sirius didn’t say that hope lupin would be okay, he couldn’t have known that. the statement that he, renus, would be okay, wasn’t so easy to despute. “i don’t know what i’d do if i lost her.”

“you’d have me. always.” he pressed a kiss to remus’ forehead. “i promise. i’m not going anywhere.”

remus nodded and wiped his eyes. part of him wanted to feel bad that he was crying about his mother, at least he had been blessed with one who loved him.

sirius seemed to read his mind. “i wish i knew what to say... i don’t think mothers are a topic i’m very knowledgeable on.”

“it doesn’t matter. you always know what to say.”

“i wish that was true.”

“it is. i’d know.”

“and i wouldn’t?”

remus laughed, weakly, but it was there all the same.

“love you,” sirius mumbled against remus’ hair.

“i love you too.” remus smiled. “see, you do always know what to say to make me feel better.”

“i’m not going anywhere,” sirius repeated. remus wasn’t sure why, maybe just to confirm it was true.

it wasn’t, of course. remus lost sirius in 1981 and didn’t get him back until 1993. he lost him forever two years later.

that was the problem, see. of course sirius could say that he would be there for remus at his worst, but remus’ worst was always going to be a life without sirius.

... i don’t know why i made it so sad. that just happens sometimes.

[shattered-catalyst]

OCD Subtypes for the RPC

Part 1 is here

Well well well, we are back for Part 2 of the Roleplayer’s Guide to OCD.

Fellow Ocd Folks, I see you in those tags and I'm going to do my best to ensure those obsessions are represented here- BUT understand that physically it is not going to be possible to list every single one because I am one person.  Regardless its incredibly brave of you all to rb and add things in the tags, I know its hard to talk about this shit and I see you. I see you.

Resultantly I typed this out and posted it in formatting to assist with accessibility in mind; if you cannot read it still ( I tried Im sorry!) i recommend the copy and paste method or getting the chrome extension bee-line reader.

 There will be grammatical and spelling mistakes. Im sure spacing is odd some places, but you have to understand doing this is extremely anxiety provoking for me so Im just getting it done when I can.

Remember to use your critical thinking; not everyone has the same symptoms/compulsions/triggers and all that.

OCD is fluid. Its like liquid mercury. One day its a handful of subtypes another day its another different serving.

If you are in general squicked about certain topics even by mention read ahead with your own judgement. Remember us folks that have OCD have many disturbing and distressing experiences so if you are writing a character who has OCD and you can’t read about it just don’t give them that obsessive thought/ compulsion. Make sure writing is still a safe and enjoyable hobby for yourself first and foremost.

But ethically and morally I cannot and will not leave out the more disturbing bits. You have the ability to scroll by, I and many others do not get the chance to escape triggering content that our own mind creates.

So read ahead with your best judgement or at least skip around the squicky parts and educate yourself on what OCD is so people quite using it as a Obsessive Christmas/Corgi/Cat Disorder thing. Alright? Cool beans.

Okay so you made it passed post 1 and got under the read more. Give yourself a gold star for diving into this monster of a document.

Below is a crash course it is not meant to replace actual psychoeducation, personal research, or google. Honestly most of us do our research extensively but because OCD is treated so horribly by social media, media, and society in general.

I wasn’t sure where to throw these together because the education tools to learn fully about OCD are very specialized and thus very restricted. I found that many people DO have these experiences with OCD though so I will represent them throughout. I’ll also sprinkle some of my own experiences so you can get a good reference of a person who has the disorder and not just a randomly generated person.

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So OCD is made up of Obsessions, Trigger, Intrusive thought, Misinterpretation/feared consequence,Somatic and Psychological Anxiety, and Compulsions/Rituals.

Your character may not be able to list all of these. In fact if they aren't in ERP therapy they may not be able to puzzle these things out. But YOU as the writer should know them. Your character won’t be walking around talking to just ANYONE that they have OCD. Remember a huge aspect of OCD is it’s Shame.  The disorder makes us feel intense shame regarding our intrusive thoughts, as a result OCD goes undiagnosed for years especially if it has pediatric onset.

  We won’t tell anyone what we are experiencing or why we are doing x y or z. We act like nothing is wrong because to emotionally react is to admit to yourself- and therefore the world- that you have had this intrusive thought and are therefore by virtue a horrible person.[For further information I would suggest also researching PANDAS].

It may be noticeable if your character has an intrusive thought. They may wince or grimace or roll their eyes certainly, but they won’t open up to Joe at the cafe about how their brain is constantly torturing them. I apparently have a very noticeable eye twitch.

 Depending on the nature of the intrusive thought it will get more or less of a reaction out of me. Its usually dependent on how distressing the intrusive thought is and/or if its a new one.

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You see OCD doesn’t sit still. It never looks the same. You’ll have your long haul intrusive thoughts that are with you for years but then you’ll have weird ass ones that just appear and demand their voice be heard yelling about cars hitting people or squirrels getting eaten.

Some people have similar ones! So while everyone is different there will always be someone out there with an intrusive thought similar to yours.

 For instance; I bonded emotionally with a lady on reddit because we both have intrusive thoughts during storms that animals and the homeless are dying. We were both horribly relieved to find another person and also distressed that every snow or rain storm brings horrible images and whispers to your mind that while you are warm and snug in bed someone is freezing to death. And its all your fault.

Some days are better than others. As with all mental illnesses it isn’t CONSTANT ALARM BELLS. Some days it will be all alarms and other days it will be like a gentle whisper on the breeze. You can almost not notice it. Almost.

Obsessive thoughts run the gauntlet from ‘i will/could have/may/may accidentally harm etc’ something that you hold of value. This is any obsessive thought that you have: you think about repeatedly and not by choice, it is very anxiety provoking, it is unwanted, and unwelcome.

 Mine run the scale from ‘squirrel will be murdered’ to ‘being responsible for harm’.

Compulsions or ‘rituals’ are any behavior done to alleviate the anxiety from the intrusive thought and trigger object. In short, compulsions and rituals are not fun. they are absolutely not logical, and we know they are not logical but we are forced to do them. Thats why its a disorder. 

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To emphasize from post 1: magical thinking and the faulty link between thoughts and actions are hallmarks of OCD.  Magical thinking can be anything from contamination to if I turn around three times or stare really hard at something the bad thing wont happen. Sounds weird and is weird and we know it is thats why its a disorder and not a delusion.

The faulty belief that thought=action is the biggest hurdle it is incredibly difficult to grasp, at least for me maybe some of you that have done further ERP can attest, that the mere concept of a thought not being the same as an action is completely and totally mind blowing.

Free will? Yeah thats terrifying. IDK about anyone else but free will is absolutely terrifying; what do you mean i could do anything i wanted?

Thats how you face OCD(WITH A TRAINED THERAPIST). You give in to ambiguity and the unknown. Its breaking that link between thought and action. Its incredibly difficult and draining. A five minute exposure leaves me in shatters for a week and two five minute ones had me ripping my nails past the nail beds with anxiety.

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Just a reminder: Do not have your character expose themself or expose folks with OCD to a trigger to “ help us get over with”. That is literally forcing someone with a mental illness into a break down and is not helpful. In fact its worse because a person knows about this intrusive thought and they tried to make it real. More shame and some trauma. 

If you have OCD, more likely than not a family member or significant other has tried this with the purest of intentions. But it never works like that. Theres a reason that therapists get special training for this. If people want a post on ERP I can make one at some point. 

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Actually let’s drag me with the squirrel thing as the example- fellow OCD Folks get out a pen and paper and try breaking down one of yours;

Obsession:Squirrel will be murdered

Trigger: seeing a squirrel

 Intrusive thought: Graphic images of a squirrel being murdered by a hawk/ impaling depending on the day

Misinterpretation/feared consequence: Squirrel will be killed and its all my fault

Somatic and Psychological Anxiety:intense anxiety, palms sweating, heart racing,

Compulsions/Rituals: Must stare at the squirrel to prevent bad things from happening, 

Now imagine if that is every time you see a fucking squirrel. You have somehow become completely and totally transfixed on a squirrel and nothing is going to pull your attention away or the squirrel dies- which your mind is giving you lovely images of btw.

Cute right?

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Below are the subtypes with general information/example thoughts/ and how some of these have impacted me socially because apparently some people dont understand that mental illnesses impact their social lives?? yall...

Social: This can range from ‘ i am constantly thinking i did something wrong so i have to ask for reassurance that we are still friends’ to completely unrealistic worries. Maybe its an intrusive thought that ‘ your voice is annoying them’ . There’s reassurance seeking, internal and external checking.

 It makes friendships extremely difficult and exhausting. You’re not trying to get to know someone with an annoying frat boy egging on anxiety in your brain. This can also manifest as having strict rules for yourself and ethical codes. 

My therapist likes to say she could give us (folks with OCD) a pile of hundred dollar bills and come back and they’d all be returned. Because OCD makes you so strict and morally confined. Which ISNT fun. Like I dont get pleasure over having to memorize the entire Code of Conduct!

Social Media: Its the bane of human existence some days and a lifeline the next. But what if everytime your follower count was an odd/even number it sent you into a panic attack. What if you spent all your time with intrusive thoughts that somehow someone misinterpreted a post or that someone is going to be harmed by a post you made about tapirs. 

You may be forced to block people to get your number down or keep pornbots on your blog to keep your number what you like (see there is a use for them! We sacrifice those before actual users!) You may be refreshing your page every second because ‘what if you miss a message’. It's going to look a lot like ‘check check check check reassure yourself double check your posts check check check reassure check check FALSE MEMORY check your post etc’

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Clothing/Body Image: When its not Body Dysmorphia it can be OCD. Sometimes this looks like I obsess about a body part and therefore I choose my clothes/hairstyles to hide those.  Some personal examples: as a kid I was sure that mind readers exist ( THIS IS AN OCD THING TOO I was so relieved to find that out) and that if i didnt wear  a particular hat they would see all these horrible thoughts and it would be revealed what an awful person I was. So I wore the same dumb ass bucket hat for a year (or more I cannot remember but it was a long ass time).

I was once so fixated on being given a compliment on my eye color that I wore sunglasses (even at night) to a summer camp. And if any of those teen girls in that cabin that stood up and mocked me in a crowded lunch hall by singing ‘i wear my sunglasses at night’ you all owe me 40$.

Even younger still I had intrusive thoughts. Like say, if anyone noticed I was female that i would be kidnapped so I chopped my hair very short. I altered my appearance to be very androgynous and even switched to walking more masculine. Because omg if your hips move someones going to kill you thats just how it works. ( It doesnt help I later figured out I was a lesbian)

Your wardrobe may be impacted by OCD and yes so can your body image.

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Also yes the fear of mind readers is also a thing; i always thought I was somehow faking OCD because yes that is also a…..

Faking: Do you value telling the truth? Do you detest lying ? Boy Howdy do I have some news for you. OCD is going to try and convince you that YOU LIED. Whether it was on a chastity pledge to get a free sandwich or in a conversation you just HAD. This links a lot with false memory OCD.

Another aspect is OCD makes us doubt we have OCD and tries to convince us we have any other diagnosis under the sun and we are obviously faking our OCD.

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Sexual Orientation OCD; It is as it is called. Sexual Orientation OCD is what happens when your brain goes ‘hold on what if you’re not this orientation what if you are THAT’. It doesn’t matter where on the LGBT umbrella you fall you will have OCD trying to convince you otherwise. From compulsive staring at members of the same/opposite gender to compulsively reassuring or checking with yourself to ensure that ‘ no no you are in fact THIS orientation.’ 

This can range in behavior from binge watching porn, staring compulsively to check that there is OR is NOT attraction,self checking past experiences and memories, analyzing your clothing and your lifestyle in painful and intricate methods.

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False Memory OCD; False memory OCD is basically your brain sitting you in a noir interrogation room, handcuffing you to a chair grilling you. It demands that you did *insert bad thing here*. This can range from anything from something Harm based to pretty much *anything* from other OCD subtypes. Which is quite delightful really.

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Sensorimotor OCD; Sensorimotor OCD is obsessive body responses. These can be ‘ I have to cough really hard and really feel it right in my chest and if I can’t get it right I have to cough until I do’. This can be counting your heartbeats. Trying to check yourself that you in fact have a heart and checking and reassuring that it is still beating. It can be hyper-awareness of swallowing or even swallowing repeatedly. It is anything with selective attention; ie its an automated process but your OCD is forcing you to be aware of it.

Your OCD makes you aware of the sensation of, say, breathing, and then it convinces you that if you stop paying attention to it you will stop breathing. So now you’re horribly aware and focused solely on breathing and breathing alone. It keeps me up most nights with the pounding anxiety fueled by the pressure of ‘if you stop focusing on breathing you will stop breathing completely’ or waiting to feel that last heartbeat in your chest. 

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Existential OCD; You ever feel existential ? Existential OCD is like having a very aggressive existential crisis that turns you into NEEDING answers IMMEDIATELY. This can look anything from hours panic scrolling the net to panic inducing anxiety because you don't know what happens after death. The thoughts are like foghorns on a misty sea.

This sounds basic and the only example i can give is as a teeny tiny 7 year old I had a panic attack in bed screaming that ‘ what if im a dinosaur and im asleep and i wake up and my whole family is GONE’.

To be fair I did like dinosaurs a lot.

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Harm OCD; This is pretty self explanatory but I will give more details. Harm OCD is OCD demanding that you will/could/can/may have/might harmed yourself/others/any living creature and that you alone are responsible. 

This means anything from getting anxious driving over crosswalks because ‘what if you dont see one and hit someone and its all your fault and you hit someone go back and make sure you havent hit anyone’ to ‘im holding a knife so im going to accidentally stab someone’ to ‘ i didnt see my cat this morning and now im at work and think she must be dead and i am responsible for her demise.’

 It can be as simple as ‘if i use a pencil i will stab myself in the eye’ or as complex as ‘ i may accidentally say a slur’/ ‘ i am going to say this horrible thing out loud if i cannot control myself.’ It can also be images of terror or racist/sexist/ableist jokes in your mind that repeat like a broken record.

(Please note from section 1 that this is extremely anxiety provoking and not something you would do. OCD preys on what we respect the most.)

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pOCD; Tumblr listen the fuck up because I am tired of seeing people get called shit on this website for having this mental illness. People who experience pOCD are not pedophiles, they do not get any pleasure or benefit. The thoughts and images are meant to induce harm to the person experiencing them. Children are normally the trigger for this and the resulting images can be very graphic. Again you aren’t attracted to children- thoughts of them getting harmed hurt you so your OCD makes you see them.

Know this so you can advocate for folks with pOCD in real life. Remember we are here. We are suffering and we are terrified of your children.

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Poisoning others/or in your food; Life isn’t medieval anymore but sometimes OCD demands we have a food taster or that we obsessively worry that we may kill someone with our cooking. Personally I struggle with colorblindness so I am constantly fretful over cooking any sort of meat so it’s difficult for me to cook it.

 However this also comes as; obsessive horrible thoughts of your cooking kill someone or that you have somehow/accidentally poisoned someone’s food (even if you haven’t touched it or been within a foot of it ) or that someone has poisoned YOUR food even if no one has touched it except you. You’re going to be picking apart your food or unable to eat out at all.

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Emotional Contamination: It’s similar to magical thinking and this terrifying prospect of mind readers. Emotional contamination can manifest as anything from intense worry over somehow gaining someone else’s negative personality traits.

 Or that somehow by interacting with any role of someone horrible will make YOU somehow also responsible for the horribleness.  There is usually a person or a type of person that is a trigger, but it can also be location based.

 This is one subtype where magical thinking and superstition are apparent.  

For instance; as a teen if a male was in my space or had physical contact;like shaking hands,giving a high five, being in my room etc. I would have to go around and physically touch all the objects that I perceive they may have also touched as a way to cancel out their presence. 

This includes wiping off myself to negate even the touch of family members. It really hurts peoples feelings, my father was especially hurt by this.

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Physical Contamination: This goes beyond physical dirt and grime. Most of us dont have spotless homes because if you’re having a fist fight with your brain everyday cleaning falls by the wayside just like it would for anyone else. Physical contamination holds 2 things: physical contamination obsessions AND compulsive cleaning behaviors/rituals. We believe that a small amount of a contaminate can cover large surfaces.

 Oh, and did I mention its not JUST dirt/germs/viruses. The list is expansive but heres a mixed bag of what they can be: sticky substances,dead animals,glitter (FUCKING GLITTER),negative words or language,colors, numbers, surfaces in general, food, people, and activities.  There is also a hyper responsibility to protect yourself and others from ‘contamination’.

Strangely there is a magical separation between the contaminated world and the ‘clean’ one. Spaces designated as clean would be a bedroom/bathroom/workspace where you are most active. That space is where the compulsions and intrusive thoughts occur. Its not I MUST CLEAN EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. Otherwise I would be working cleaning houses because why the hell not amiright?

A real world example from a colleague would be a young man with physical contamination OCD is struck with such intrusive thoughts about cleaning that they refuse to allow anyone in their room or any animals in their home. But they are not able to even flush the toilet, take out the trash, wash dishes, or do garbage because of their intrusive thoughts.

The most famous would be compulsive hand washing but I feel it is important to also note OTHER aspects of physical contamination because everyone sees the hand scrubbing stereotype. 

Other compulsions include intricate rituals, not touching the floor (i played X-treme the floor is lava during college. I couldnt let my feet touch the floor because it was ‘dirty’),excessive showering (2-8+ hour showers guys, 8 hour showers. Thats what we’re talking about.)

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Relationship OCD: This comes as no surprise that yes you will have intrusive thoughts that you are somehow harming/ will harm/ may accidentally harm your significant other. Whether that be by physical or emotional means. It can look like ‘ I may have lied to her about how much I love her’, ‘ i may not actually love her and I may be leading her on’, and ‘ I must be corrupting her’. These can extend to certain physical activities with false memory OCD as a cherry on top. A great finishing garnish to leave you feeling absolutely dismayed and unable to trust your own perception.

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Scrupulosity: Religion! Whatever that may be! Its a thing with OCD.  With Scrupulosity obsessive thoughts run all over the board from; you committed a sin and forgot about it you monster to having to pray continuously/ a certain time/ until its right. What is right?Ask OCD that’s the only person who knows. 

We are fairly certain my grandfather had OCD because he went to church for every single Catholic Mass. Every single day. Every. Single. Day.  That’s not a healthy amount of attendance(I'm calling you out posthumously because I care Robert!). This can also look like: praying a certain amount of times. Praying until you do it ‘right’. Confessing every single potential sin. Cataloguing and dwelling over ‘sinful’ things. 

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Symmetry or Just Right OCD: Symmetry OCD is the runner up for ‘most likely recognized on tv shows’ award.

Symmetry OCD convinces you that if *insert thing here* isnt symmetrical or ‘just right’ (a magical position or number of objects that makes 0 logical sense) that something bad will happen.

This can range from the known; rearranging things. But it also looks like buying more objects until you reach the right amount and even throwing out objects if theres ‘too many’.

It can range from ‘the walls are percievably not straight so now i avoid that room at all costs otherwise i will be trapped traveling the edges of the wall with my eyes otherwise it will fall in and murder us ALL.’ to ‘ this historical bust is one inch off to the left and now all i see is visions of it breaking against the ground.’

So that is what I have time for. 9 pages on subtypes and basic information. If you find yourself wanting me information all of this is easily accessible online. So go, be free and dont ever compare people to Monk again. Write Batman and Scott Summers with OCD. Give us ACTUAL representation and not throw away joke lines. We are here. Our suffering isnt funny. We deserve representation too.

[hyucksbestie]

Okay, IDK if it's just a bunch of bullet points; PLEASE elaborate on that NCT au? I'm super intrigued. -🌈

waaah okay! ill put them under a read more.

basic premise of the au: its 1995 and while cleaning out the old art room for detention, lee donghyuck finds an old, empty-looking notebook wedged in the wall. when he opens it, words begin to write themselves; journal entries from an unnamed student 20 years in the past, and how his friends are starting to go missing.

okay, so like i said, its 1995

the current students include donghyuck, mark, renjun, jeno, jaemin, yukhei, and jisung. (im thinking of adding sungtaro too)

the main characters are norenminhyuck tho

its a boarding school, so theyve all been sent here for one reason or another. fighting, alcohol, skipping school, you name it.

donghyuck, renjun, and yukhei get stuck cleaning the art room after a prank-gone-wrong

hyuck accidentally kicks a part of the wall and they find a small, hidden cubby-hole in the wall and wedged inside is a notebook

of course they open it but its empty and covered in dust.

hyuck decides to take it though because "finders keepers!"

he waits until his dormmate mark is asleep and opens the notebook again, only to find it filling itself up with words and pictures

inside are journal entries, dated the same day, just 20 years in the past. they are from an unknown boy, talking about his friends and school and basic, teenager things

but then, in an entry dated a day later, the journals begin talking about students going missing.

hyuck, intrigued, begins digging through school archives to try and find the students in the journals, and maybe whos writing them.

suprise! its taeyongs journal, and his friends are johnny jaehyun ten doyoung taeil and yuta.

by the time donghyuck figures that out though, its the next day, and yukhei goes missing. the same day 20 years after jung jaehyun went missing

donghyuck, not wanting to involve his friends lest they think hes crazy, tries to decipher everything he can from the journal and race against the clock before anymore of his friends go missing.

[simonalkenmayeris-still-dead]

CC1 - The Myth

OR why am I subjecting myself to this nonsense?

As I have mentioned, a friend of mine began reading The Book, and sent me some choice excerpts.  I became intrigued.  Not because it’s good, it actually seems pretty creepy, but because I think Si accidentally wrote a paranormal romance.

So before we even start the book, there’s a disclaimer. IDK if it was in the original book.  It begins “Dearest Gentle Reader,” which is not a great start if I’m the one reading because I hate that sort of affectation in writing.  

Like, if someone writes “dear readers” in a fanfic, it has to be really good for me to continue reading.

This disclaimer is basically saying that although 2012 was such a long time ago, and Simon was an ignorant fool when he wrote this, he can’t be bothered actually editing it properly, so please forgive him ahead of time if he did something wrong.

If you ever find yourself writing something like this, you need an editor.

Just so you know, nothing happens in this chapter.  It’s supposed to be an introduction to Simon and how he’s a monster, but you do NOT need a whole chapter for that.

Simon also really needs an editor.  There are multiple sentences in this chapter that lack correct sentence structure.  

For example, in the first paragraph we have this “Yes, I eat people, though the correct term is anthropophage”.  For this sentence to make sense, anthropophage would need to mean “eating people”, as in the act of eating people, it would need to be a verb.  So, when I google this, which Simon tells you to do, I get this result

An anthropophage or anthropophagus was a member of a mythical race of cannibals

So anthropophage doesn’t refer to the act of eating people.  It’s a noun.  It refers to not just cannibals (which Simon maintains he isn’t) but a specific race of cannibals.  

That sentence makes no sense.  And there are plenty of similar sentence constructions throughout this chapter.  I’m not going to point out all of them, except where they affect the narrative, because we’d be here all day.

After Simon begins his “succinct” first paragraph, in which he repeats himself four times, he decides to open with how we must be feeling.

As many of you may know by now, I am not a fan of being told how I must feel, whether that is to my face, in a blog post, or in a book, so he’s losing me.

I also really hate Simon’s “voice”, because it’s really inconsistent.  He veers wildly between what I assume the author thinks is some sort of period affectation, and modern English, when he could have chosen one.  

This is partly because the person writing doesn’t have a style, and partly because they haven’t had their work edited.  And because Simon doesn’t research.  The best way to mimic a style of writing from a certain period is to read things from that period. You can’t just shove words like “one” or “quaint” into your writing and expect it to sound authentic.

Anyway, Simon’s long and belaboured point, is that everything we think we know about monsters is wrong.  He spends another 3 paragraphs reiterating this and then passes up the opportunity to use the phrase “you may not believe in us, but we believe in you.”  This is a good phrase, human minds like repetition.  Instead we got “you may not be afraid of us, but we are still here.”

Disappointing.

Then we have some maths and may I just say, if maths is not your strong suit, do not try to put it in your book.

Simon has heard that up to fifty thousand people go missing every year.  He doesn’t know that, he’s just heard it, so from the outset, he’s not even using facts.

For some reason, he thinks missing people must either be murdered or assume a new identity. Those are the only two options he has.

In reality, a huge number of missing persons are not exactly missing, they’re people escaping abuse situations, and they get reported missing by their abuser.  Those people aren’t assuming a new identity or dead.

Simon also thinks all humans dump corpses in national forests.  I don’t know why he thinks this.  I expect there’s a lot of cleanup after dumping someone in a park.  Would it really be worth your while to drive all that way when there’s probably somewhere closer in a city where you could get the job done?  This is what cement boots are for, right?  I also don’t think murderers go to all that trouble of dumping a body just to leave it out in the open like that.  They’re going to at least dig a grave.

It’s also apparently unfeasible that anyone could adopt a new identity without a single hitch.  But you don’t actually have to adopt a new identity seamlessly to “go missing”.  The going missing part is just where you drop your old identity.  Hitches in adopting a new one are a separate issue.

Or maybe I’m just sensitive to this because I’m trans.

And then, in explaining why he isn’t going to claim his species is completely responsible for all missing people… Simon cites two things that do not cause people to go missing as examples for humanity’s awesome cruelty.

Awesome?  Not awful?  Okay then.

I understand that he’s trying to make a point, the theme of the book is obviously “humans are more monstrous than a real monster”, but the point loses something if you make it with a stupid example.

Oh and then we come to my favourite part of this chapter.

It is an experiment. A point. An argument for the furthering of knowledge. Mixed with a little boredom, if I am honest. You are a test subject. By reading this, you give consent to tell me what I need to know.

An experiment isn’t supposed to be making a point, Simon.  That’s not what experiments do.  Also, what is that last sentence?  Is he a mind reader now?  

I think Simon may be a little fixated on the “by <performing act> you give consent” concept.  But if you are telling someone something, you’ve presumably given consent.  The act of communicating with someone actually implies more consent than reading a book.

Now I’m gonna skip down to the part where he decides I don’t believe him.  I hope this telling me what I think isn’t going to continue all through the book because I’m not sure I can handle it.

Also, Simon really wishes this book had ended up on CW network. I know this because he says how disappointed he would be if that happened.  I personally wouldn’t write anything about the possibility of my book being adapted for screen in the book itself.  It kind of sounds like you think it’s your due when it’s really not.  Or like the only reason you wrote the book was to get rich off it.

There is one notable part of this chapter, and it’s this

If you are hoping to hear my account of slavery, you should know that I was fixated upon the flavors of meat raised in the terroir of Virginian tobacco plantations, and didn’t even notice the skin color of any given human.

We all know how Simon would excuse this, he’d say it’s not his fault he’s a monster blah blah blah.  But honestly, this is racist.  Even setting skin colour aside, is he trying to tell us he didn’t notice some humans were being treated as chattel?  I would think that’s something he would need to keep abreast of, considering he says he targets his food according to whether they’d be missed.

He also says his purpose isn’t to rewrite our past, which gives a great indication of what he thinks the past is (all the big events you learn about in primary school, no society and culture).  But that’s exactly what he wants to do.

Skipping down some more, over the part where he says if I find him funny, to consider he may not be kidding – it’s okay Simon, I’m laughing at you, not with you – and the part about diaries being a proper pursuit.  Even past the insult about mentally ill people.

BECAUSE THEN WE GET

“harangue me about being a second-rate author; but please be polite.”

Does Simon know what harangue means?  It means a tirade.  It’s not polite.

Another paragraph about how we shouldn’t care about his feelings because he doesn’t give a shit what anyone thinks.  And this next bit.

“You are encouraged to embrace this tale however you see fit, communicate with its author any way you can”

Except, apparently, from creating a tumblr blog, that is very wrong.

And that’s it!  Literally nothing happened.  Hopefully things get more exciting in Chapter 2.

[fleetwoodmak99]

Primed for Sin (2/10)

SUMMARY: This is Arthur's point of view of meeting Elena and the effect it has on him. Arthur doesn't really know what he's gonna do but he doesn't know that she's the one.

WARNING: Delusions, masturbation, smut, stalking, smoking weed and mental illness (Borderline Personality Disorder and PBA)

Please kindly do not read this if these offends or triggers anyone. Im always here to listen if someone needs it.

Hey again. This is part 2 of idk how many parts to the Primed for Sin story. Like I said before idk where I'm gonna go with this but this chapter is gonna be more dark when it talk about stalking and mental illness. I decided to have Elena too have stuggles with mental illness as well because I felt it better represent what I'm going through with my own mental health. So I apologize if I offend anyone or if anyone feels misrepresented.

Primed for Sin Part 1

Arthur could feel his whole body ache as he sat on the couch in the apartment he shared with his mother. His legs bounced as he sat back on the couch. One of his hands coming up to his mouth to take a drag of a cigarette while the other one held the boys toy train. He could feel another one of his laughing fits hit once again.

He couldn't help the raging fits of laughter that escaped him as he felt the sharp pain of anxiety shocking his body. He remembers the events that had happen earlier that day.

He tried to think of something else, anything else but he couldn't stop himself from thinking of how beautiful that girl was when she had smiled at him earlier. How she smelled of peppermint, it reminded him of Christmas. Even though he never really was able to really celebrate it, something about the season always brought him comfort.

He felt his pain starting to ease as the laughter once again started to die down for what seemed to be the millionth time today. Ever since this morning he's been having laughing attacks left and right. He squeezed the toy train even harder. His thoughts beginning to roam again. He didn't know anything about that girl but he knew he needed to know more. No, craved to know more. There was nothing that would keep him from her. He already knew this, he just didn't know how far he would take himself for it.

He imagined that she would be the perfect good girl for him. She's already seemed to be a mother figure which delighted Arthur. Maybe one day she would be round with his child.

No. Stop it Arthur, he thought to himself. There will be plenty of time for that. For now, he wanted to know more about the boy she was with. Who was he to her? Her son? Has she been with another man? Is she a virgin?

The thoughts ran rapid through his head as he started to spiral. Nothing made him more upset than thinking about another man's hands on her. So he did what his thoughts told him to do. He gathered information on her. Anything he could find. The easiest way to do this was to follow the woman as she goes about her day. He knew it was wrong, the small voice in his head told him so but there there even larger voices telling him to go through.

After a few days of this, he was able to find out more about the sweet girl. Her name was Elena Wheeler. She worked at a comedy club, one that Arthur had gone to often. She did singing gigs on the side while she bartended for the most part. Arthur noticed she like to cover 50s songs as well as write some of her own songs. Arthur would find himself relax while enjoying her voice each night. She would work this job most days while the boy would go to a behavioral center for children.

The boy on the other hand wasn't her son but her younger brother, yet she was the one who had custody over him. This was most likely so he too wouldn't end up in the system.

This gave Arthur some relief as his virgin theory might be true. He'd watch the two of them interact with one another. Almost being jealous of the way they played together. He wish he had that with someone. He will, soon.

It was obvious that the boy had some major abandonment issues. He would cry every time she would kiss him goodbye. Only calming down hours later when he's starts watching a cartoon or until she returns. But Arthur could also tell that Elena had some issues of her own. She too would be antsy every time she was away from the child. Never allowing herself to rest until she knew she was ok.

Arthur would watch her through the window of the complex building. One thing he did notice immediately was the constant hits from a bong. He was honestly surprised how much she could smoke. If she were drinking, he would actually be concerned for her. The girl was small and shouldn't take much to get a high yet there she was coughing up a storm from hitting it so much. Michael was in the other room watching his Thomas show. Arthur couldn't help but wonder why she did this so much. Maybe she was lonely too.

Arthur was able to keep track of her favorite things, what upset her, what made her happy. Everything and anything. He would notice her moods would change frequently. She would be happy one minute and crying the next especially when she was away from Michael. He could see her trying her best to hold it together for the little guy. He really did. His heart leaped just watching it. His heart leaped even more when he saw he watching the Murry Show being played most nights after putting Michael to bed. She's perfect.

Arthur started to understand her more when he was able to get his hands on some of her records. He won't say how but let's just say he has his ways aka breaking and entering. He was glad he did when he saw an entire file dedicated to her.

She had been diagnosed with Boderline personality disorder when she was 18. She herself had been in behavioral centers for having difficulty controlling her anger. She also lived in foster home for most of her childhood it seemed since both her parents abandoned her when she was around 4 years old. Even though her parents had started coming in and out of her life when she turned 18, she never really gained anything from it.

It saddened Arthur to see she had had to struggle so much but that just seems to be a common theme around here in Gotham.

_________________________________________

After a long day of clowning around at his extremely emotionally draining job. He had done his nightly routine of watching Murray and cooking for his mother. After what seemed like an eternity, his mother had finally drifted off into sleep. He felt himself finally relax and with this he let his mind wander.

He wanted to see her. Just see her face. That's all he needed. Even if it was through a window in the freezing cold in the ally way behind the building. Luckily she didn't live on a high floor. That was enough for him to take action.

Arthur quietly grabbed his coat and shoes as he slipped out the door and into the cold. He shivered as the coolness hit his body.

Finally making it to his usual spot for that last few days and set himself up, only looking up when he was finished. His eyes focused on Elenas apartment window. It was dark with the only light coming from the TV in one of the bedrooms. He figured she had put Michael to bed because he could see her all alone, he paused, in only a gray tank top and black panties.

His heart started to race and he could already feel his throat starting to react. The laughter was ready to pour out.

Maybe this isn't a good idea, he thought to himself as he started to reach down to grab his things.

Yet he still couldn't tear his eyes from what he was seeing. Her tangled in the covers with her short brown hair all messy from moving around. It certainly was a sight to see. His cock agreed as it immediately started becoming hard.

The small voice in his head told him to stop. He knew it was wrong to watch her but when her hand started to move up and down her bare leg he knew he couldn't turn away. It was like she knew he was there almost. Like she was putting on a show just for him.

He grew harder and harder the more he watched. Watching her eventually making her way down to her panties, slipping her hand just inside. It didn't take long for her face to start turning and her body to start squirming. It didn't take long before he became hard enough it started to hurt leaning against his pants. He wanted to relieve himself so bad. More importantly he wanted to relieve himself in her but knew that couldn't happen right now.

He couldn't take it anymore when she started to grab at the sheets of the bed. He pulled out his cock that was already leaking with precum. Arthur didn't get a lot of action so when he did he just couldn't contain himself.

Arthur placed his dick in his hand as he started to slowly pump himself. He tried to match the same movements as her, trying to think it was her hand instead. He imagined they would be gentle and soft. His were the total opposite.

He imagined her saying his name. Whispering as she cums or screaming it as he fucked her. He knew he wasn't gonna be able to last long with all these dirty thoughts roaming his head. To his delight she couldn't seem to either. Elenas back was arched as her hands started to tease her breasts underneath her tank top.

He was right as her body started to shake, her chest move up and down swiftly as she starts to come down from her high. This gave Arthur the silent ok for him to cum as well. And when this boy cums, he cums everywhere. He just can't hold himself back. Shamefully cumming in a nearby trashcan so no one would see.

He quickly cleaned himself up, looking up and down the ally to make sure no one is watching. He couldn't help the connection he felt with her. She was so sweet the first time they meet and she's perfect now weak against her mattress.

Ok its time to make a move.

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #97: Nightingale

Today on Fate and Phantasms, we’re making everyone’s favorite medical practitioner and biting enthusiast, Florence Nightingale! The good Ms. Flo is the most skilled nurse in Chaldea, with a variety of techniques to deal with disease and ill health on and off the battlefield. She’s not afraid to use them, so try not to get sick.

Check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

Next up: RUN! It’s a creature legally distinct from Godzilla!

Race and Background

Nightingale’s a Human, and the variant version gives her +1 Wisdom and Charisma, as well as Insight proficiency and the Crossbow Expert feat. Some settings allow for pistols, but some don’t, and we’re playing it safe here. That feat means you can attack multiple times in a turn with a crossbow, attack within melee range without disadvantage, and if you’re holding a crossbow in your off hand and another weapon in your main hand, you can attack with the weapon as an action and the crossbow as a bonus action.

Nightingale might be a nurse, but she spent most of her time patching up wounds in the army, and the Soldier background gives her proficiency with Athletics and Intimidation, both things she pretty good at.

Ability Scores

Make sure your Wisdom is as high as possible for the best medicine checks and spellcasting. Make your Dexterity the second highest to multiclassing, damage, and to keep your AC up (that’s not exactly heavy armor). Your Charisma is next, you can be “persuasive” when you want to be. And by that I mean you’re terrifying. You may be pretty lucid, but you’re still a berserker; that means you’re hard to take down, and that means your Constitution should be next. Your Strength is pretty low. We don’t need it, but you’re still a berserker, so we’re dropping Intelligence instead. You don’t really care about topics other than medicine, so it’s not like you’ll be using it that much.

Class Levels

1. Cleric 1: Shockingly, the nurse is a Cleric. However, you know the best way to avoid infections to kill anything that could infect you, which definitely makes you more of a War cleric than a life one. As a war cleric, you start out proficient in martial weapons, which means we don’t have to jump through hoops to get your hand crossbow like we did with Shirou’s weapon. You’re also a War Priest, meaning a number of times per day equal to your wisdom modifier you can attack as a bonus action after attacking with your main action. This means you can still have two attacks per turn without having to dual wield like your feat wants you to.

You also learn Spells that you can cast and prepare using your Wisdom. You also get Domain Spells, which always count as prepared and you don’t have to spend prep time getting, like Divine Favor and Shield of Faith. The former makes your gun run a little hotter with radiant damage for up to a minute, and the latter gives a creature extra combat awareness, boosting their AC for up to 10 minutes.

You can also prepare spells outside your domain; healing spells are an obvious choice, but you should also check out Detect Poison and Disease and Purify food and Drink to make sure you have some antidotes on you.

Finally, you also get cantrips. Guidance adds 1d4 to an ability score, so long as they follow your directions for fluids and bedrest. Mending puts two things back together (it’s intended for nonliving things, but I’m sure it works fine on limbs too). Spare the Dying is what you’re actually supposed to use when people’s limbs come off, stabilizing creatures at 0 hp so they don’t have to worry about death saves.

2. Cleric 2: Second level clerics can Channel Divinity, either Turning Undead to make those that fail a wisdom save of DC 8 plus your wisdom modifier plus your proficiency, or making a Guided Strike, adding 10 to your attack roll. Some times the most effective way to end a disease is to end the person it’s afflicting.

3. Cleric 3: At third level you get second level spells, like Magic Weapon and Spiritual Weapon. Despite the similar names, the former improves your existing weapon a bit and makes it magical to avoid resistances, and the latter makes a brand new weapon that you control as a bonus action each turn. Along with your domain spells, you also get the performance enhancing drug Enhance Ability, the tranquilizer Hold Person, and more Protection from Poison.

4. Cleric 4: Use your first Ability Score Improvement to become a Healer. Now when you stabilize a creature using a healer’s kit they regain 1 HP, and you can spend a use of a healers kit to heal a creature for 1d6+4 HP, plus an extra amount of HP equal to their maximum number of hit dice. This healing can only be done once per short rest for each creature. Doctors gonna doctor.

Also grab Thaumaturgy so your Angel’s Yell can carry further.

5. Fighter 1: Bouncing over to fighter gives you a fighting style, like Unarmed Fighting, which gives you unarmed attacks that deal bludgeoning damage, but more so if you’re not holding your crossbow at the same time. Guns are nice, but sometimes you’ll have to get physical. You also gain a Second Wind, letting you heal yourself as a bonus action. This means you can save your regular materials for your party members.

6. Fighter 2: Second level fighters get an Action Surge, making it a lot easier to heal and shoot people at the same time once per short rest by adding an extra action to your turn.

7. Fighter 3: Grab the Banneret as your subclass to gain a Rallying Cry. Now using your Second Wind also heals your party members for a little bit as well! It’s not much compared to healing spells, but sometimes you run out of slots.

8. Cleric 5: Back in cleric now, your Turn Undead becomes Destroy Undead, instantly killing any undead monsters with a CR of less than 1/2 when they fail their save. You also get third level spells like Crusader’s Mantle and Spirit Guardians. The former causes everyone’s guns to run hot with radiant damage even if they’re using a sword, and the latter summons a couple angelic guards to protect your patients. If you find yourself in a lot of close-quarters combat, you can also use Spirit Shroud for some extra enemy control and damage.

9. Cleric 6: At sixth level you can Channel Divinity twice per short rest, and gain an new option to do so. You can bestow your War God’s Blessing on nearby creatures, spending your reaction to add 10 to their attack roll.

10 Cleric 7: Seventh level clerics get fourth level spells, like your domain spells Freedom of Movement and Stoneskin. The former helps you gnaw off your arm like a rabid coyote to escape capture, and the latter gives you all the relevant benefits of raging without stopping you from casting spells. By that, I mean it gives a creature resistance to nonmagical physical damage types. But you’ll have plenty of competition for your concentration, because you can also cast Aura of Life and Aura of Purity this level. One gives creatures in it resistance to necrotic damage and instantly revives non-hostile creatures who’ve been downed, and the other prevents diseases, weakens poisons, and empowers your party against most status effects.

11. Cleric 8: At this level, you can finally use an ASI to improve an ability score, bumping up your Wisdom for better healing and more bonus action attacks. Your Destroy Undead also bumps up to CR 1, and your Divine Strike makes your weapon attacks a little stronger once per turn. Turns out guns are stronger than crossbows, who knew?

12. Cleric 9: Ninth level clerics get fifth level spells. Flame Strike can be one of those neat little bottle-shaped grenades, and you also get Hold Monster for an even stronger tranquilizer. Beyond that and some healing spells, there isn’t really much at fifth level that screams Nightingale to me, but feel free to play it by ear.

13. Cleric 10: At tenth level you can use Divine Intervention to ask God for a bit of assistance in keeping your dumbass party alive. You can use this once per long rest, but also have to wait a week after it succeeds. Since you’re a full level of spells behind regular spellcasters right now, calling in a favor from time to time might come in handy.

You also pick up your last cantrip; Toll the Dead is another solid way to finish off diseased or injured enemies before they can spread whatever’s affecting them to the party, dealing more damage to creatures who are missing HP.

14. Cleric 11: Eleventh level clerics get sixth level spells, and like last time there’s not much specifically at this level that caught my eye. But that’s only if you’re playing the character religiously close to canon, and you probably shouldn’t be if you want to jive with the rest of the party. Or maybe you’re all playing expies of other characters, idk live your life.

15. Cleric 12: Use this ASI to bump up your Dexterity for better gunplay and AC.

16. Cleric 13: Now you have seventh level spells, and unlike the last few levels, there’s spell outside of your usual healing you might want to check out. Temple of the Gods. lets you build your own temple within a cube of 120′. It lasts 24 hours per cast, but casting it once per day for a year in the same spot makes it permanent. Inside the temple, extraplanar entities can be kept out of it if they fail a charisma save, and they also get 1d4 subtracted from their attacks, checks, and saves while inside. The temple is immune to divinations spells, and the temple also boosts the power of healing spells cast inside of it. Great for giving your keep it’s own medical wing.

17. Cleric 14: Fourteenth level clerics have a Destroy Undead that affects creatures of CR 3 or lower, and their Divine Strike becomes a little more powerful as well. You just learned how to build hospitals from nothing, not every level can be a massive leap forward.

18. Cleric 15: You pick up eighth level spells this level. By this level, most spells are a bit too flashy to fit into Nightingale’s toolkit, but Holy Aura still manages to do it. Creatures within 30′ of you glow, and get advantage on all saves. On top of that, attacking creatures have disadvantage, and fiends and undead have to make a constitution save or become blinded for the duration of the spell.

19. Cleric 16: Use your last ASI to bump up your Constitution for more HP and better concentration saves.

20. Cleric 17: At seventeenth level, your Destroy Undead gets even stronger, you get ninth level spells, and most importantly, you become an Avatar of Battle, granting you a permanent resistance to nonmagical weapons. Effectively, you’re always raging, but still have access to your spells.

Pros:

You’re something of a tough nut to crack, especially for a healer. You’ve got quite a bit of health for a cleric, ways to heal yourself and the party at the same time, and a sort of permanent rage damage resistance going on at the end of it.

Despite being a healer, you’re also pretty skilled in ranged combat, with plenty of ways to add more damage to your crossbow bolts. You might not have multiple attacks like most fighters, but you make your shots count. This also means you don’t have to be quite as deep in combat as your standard “mace and shield” cleric.

The healer feat and your Rallying Cry give you access to nonmagical healing. This is most likely to be a niche skill, but sometimes you’ll have to deal with anti-magic zones or low-magic settings, in which case you’ll still be able to shine.

Cons:

Despite us putting several levels and feats into making your crossbow good, you’ll still always have to deal with the fact that it’s nowhere near as strong as a fighter’s would be. It’s fine for emergencies, but you probably won’t be the standout damage dealer of the group.

Bumping over to fighter for a couple levels also prevents you from getting the Cleric capstone, and they have a really good one. Guaranteed divine intervention is nothing to sneeze at.

You don’t really wear armor, and you don’t get anything like monks or barbarians do to offset that fact, so if you’re playing to character your AC is abysmal. Like I said earlier though, feel free to put on a breastplate or something, there’s no wrong way to play D&D. Except for in person, and not wearing a mask.