#but idk joe just did it in a way that felt very loving to me and so i just have feelings about it!!!! okay1!!!!!

[icallhimjoey]

To Have And To Scold

♥ ♥  Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: Your best friends are getting married, and who else can they ask to be their best man and maid of honour but you and Joe? It's just that... you don't really get along all that well, do you? At least, that's what you think.

CW / disclaimer: sort of enemies to sort of lovers (very vague, im sorry, but you'll see), language, drinking, rpf, fem!reader

Author’s note: I know this trope is overdone, but, I wanted to do it a little... idk, different, I suppose. I've never written Joe like this either, so we'll see how this is going to go. This is part one (of five, you know me) and I hope you enjoy!

Wordcount: 2.7K

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five - part six - part seven - part eight - part nine - part ten - epilogue

Oh no.

Joe was going to royally fuck everything up. There was no question about it. You were one hundred per cent absolutely convinced that Joe was going to do a bad job. So, so bad. The flat out worst, actually.

Joe hadn’t the faintest idea of where to begin, of how to go about it, of what it all entailed.

It made you feel a little superior, which was nice. This felt like a competition you were going to win, even though you understood none of this was meant to be competitive. In fact, it would actually be considered to be bad taste and maybe a little tacky to even pretend like it was a fight for you to win, but you couldn’t help it.

“Are you sure, Poppy... I don’t want to, like, but... are you sure? Joe?”

Poppy laughed, said, “He’ll do fine,” and Mark followed up by slapping a firm palm to his shoulder, saying, “He’ll figure it out, just like you will,”

“Oh no need to worry about me, I got this,” and you couldn’t help but look at Joe, sharp and focussed. Almost challenging, in a way, but you meant it jokingly. Hoped that maybe Joe would soften a little because he never really seemed to let his guard down. Not around you, anyway.

But Joe just shrugged, kept his face entirely neutral, and your jokes fell flat which immediately made everyone feel awkwardly tense.

It wasn’t a huge secret that you and Joe didn’t really get along all that great, but Jesus, could this man be any stiffer in this moment of joy? This evening of good news and important questions and celebrations? The inner peacekeeper within you couldn’t stand it. You just wanted everyone to get along and be on the same page, but the distance Joe somehow seemed to really force in between you kind of ruined all of that every single time that you’d all hang out together.

When you’d be in larger companies, it’d be easy. You could stay at opposite ends of the room and sort of ignore each other. You’d say hi, you’d be cordial and polite, but you just... weren’t each other’s people. Which made no sense. Mark was your best friend and his fiancé Poppy had naturally become such a good friend of yours too, so why was her best friend this... big old awkward weirdo?

What a stupid way to end the evening, and one that started so blissfully pleasant. When you’d walked into Mark and Poppy’s place around dinner time, you could’ve never predicted the outcome of it all. Though, in hindsight, you didn’t know why you hadn’t expected it, because it made total sense. It really did. Mark and Poppy were going to tell their families about this, and you knew they wouldn’t ask any questions because, this obviously was inevitably going to be the way it was going to go.

“Won’t Poppy be joining us?” you let your coat slide from your shoulders before you hung it over the back of a dining chair as you looked around the place. The table was set for two, not three.

“Pop’s taken Joe out for a meal,” Mark said from the kitchen, and you felt a little guilty at the little marble of relief that reared its little head up. You loved Poppy, honestly you did. She was the perfect girl for Mark, they were the perfect couple. Two peas in a pod. Fucking gorgeous and so, so sweet... but you were too alike in all the wrong ways. Both unbelievably stubborn and potentially hot-headed in the wrong moments, so sometimes you’d butt heads with each other. You held strong opinions and there would be times where you’d find yourselves at the exact opposite ends of a spectrum, willing to die in the battle of trying to convince the other that you had it at the right end.

There had been many nights where you would practically be screaming over the kitchen table about something so fantastically meaningless with Mark in between you, silently eating his meal, not even really paying attention to what either of you were going on about.

Mark sort of loved it. Loved you. But really loved Poppy. Said he found the version of you that wanted to sleep with him which he claimed was all he’d ever wanted. That always made you cringe; made you tell him to fuck off and stop pretending that you weren’t practically siblings at this point.

Having dinner with just Mark at their place wasn’t what you’d expected when Mark had invited you ‘round, but it was so welcome.

Whenever it was you and Mark by yourselves, you’d start the evening like the adults you were, would complain about work, talk about all sorts of civilized things, have a glass or sensible slightly more expensive wine, and ask how each other’s parents were doing.

But by the end of the night, you’d feel like you were 17 at a house party where the one 18-year-old brought a bunch of shitty piss-coloured liquor, room temp cider in plastic 2 litre bottles and blue WKD that would leave everyone’s mouth stained. There’d be an urge to fucking trash the place like the place didn’t actually belong to either one of you, and you’d rummage through kitchen cabinets to make stupid meals at midnight after whatever vegan bullshit Mark cooked up for dinner that hadn’t filled you properly. Suddenly, Mark would forget he hadn’t eaten meat in years and go for a kebab with you.

You loved those nights.

Poppy hated those nights, because that was the Mark she didn’t know or understand. She’d find you both drunk of your tits, flinging Wii remotes dangerously close to expensive furniture pieces (where the fuck did you even find a Wii, Mark?!) grunting like you were the Williams sisters playing Wembley.

Whenever Poppy would try to tell Mark off for sort of letting go for a hot second, Mark would throw it right back in her face and go, “Pop, go have your fancy martinis with Joe – go eat a million oysters with him, us peasants here will be fine with our grey meats and questionable white sauce,” and you’d go, “Ew, shut up,” and apologise to Poppy through a mouthful of cheap fast food, and Mark would be giggling like a little school girl.

Poppy didn’t like that version of Mark, but that was the Mark that you loved and even though you knew this evening was just meant to be a quick catch-up on a work-night, you hoped you’d get to see at least a little of your Mark.

"She's taken him to Bob Bob Ricard to ask him an important question," Mark said as he set down filled plates full of beautiful colourful vegetables that honestly smelled amazing.

"I thought you guys were already engaged? You know, to each other?" you joked and made Mark snort.

"It's got to do with that though,"

"Oh no, is this, are you going to become a throuple? God," you slumped your shoulders. "I should've totally seen this coming," and before you could carry on Mark punched you in the arm with far too much force.

"No, you dick, she's asking him to be her maid of honour... sort of, but like, man of honour, I guess,"

"Oh my God," you pouted because honestly, that was kind of adorable. "Will he be, like, her little pageboy?"

You envisioned Joe in tails walking behind Poppy down the isle, holding the train of her dress or whatever pageboys actually did at weddings.

"Little more sophisticated than that, I think," Mark said before raising his full wine glass, prompting you to raise yours too.

"And you're here because I have a question for you too,"

Your eyes grew as you bit your lips slowly into your mouth when you realised where this was going.

"Oh... oh fuck, Mark, wait, this is a big deal," you put your glass down and jokingly fanned your face with your hands.

"Yes. Now, shut the fuck up and let me actually ask it,"

"No, what about your brother?" you interjected.

"My brother's a lazy sod who is not to be trusted,"

"He's going to murder me,"

"He won't," Mark grew more and more annoyed as you stalled him.

"He absolutely will,"

"Would you just..." Mark sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose as he squeezed his eyes shut. "Let me please just fucking ask the question, all right? Jesus,"

You shuffled in your seat and sat up, batted your eyelashes and pursed your lips into a smile because this really was a big moment.

"Will you," Mark started, and then paused for a second before he finished, "be my best man - woman... person?"

"Oh my God. Yes."

You cheersed and just, couldn't stop cackling for a moment. What a bizarre moment in your friendship, it was all kinds of fantastic and lovely and so weird. You loved it.

You questioned what it even really meant to be someone's best man, and over dinner you both googled all the things that best men usually did. For the groom, but also, for the whole wedding. You were to give a speech, would look after the wedding rings, would have to make sure all the groomsmen - and obviously the groom himself - were all dressed and ready in time for the actual ceremony and, last but not least... the stag do.

You were so up for the job.

Deep diving into this project was the perfect distraction from the mundane boring structured routine your life had fallen into.

Halfway through dinner Mark received a text from Poppy, saying that Joe had said yes. She sent a picture of Joe with a cute pursed smile and crinkly eyes, holding up a beautiful blush pink card that read the question, "Will you be my Honour Attendant?" in one hand, and a flute of bubbly champagne in the other.

"Oh," you frowned at your friend. "Why didn't I get a fancy card? Or a fancy dinner?"

Mark put his phone down and and shrugged, just said, "That's not our style," and dismissed you completely.

It was the beginning of what started with you dramatically exclaiming, "Do I not deserve a little luxury?" and ended with you doing tequila shots by the sink in the kitchen.

Yea, Mark was right. This was more your style.

It was just after 10 when the front door opened and Poppy walked in, closely followed by Joe.

A small moment of heys and hellos, followed, and then welcome-home kisses from Mark and Poppy, and slightly awkward eye-contact between you and Joe.

Joe looked sort of stupidly well put together. All polished. He looked wildly overdressed next to you, and it made you feel like a slob. And you knew you were older, not by much, but you were definitely older than Joe was, which really should mean something, but Joe was taller, and definitely richer, and... all of it made you feel like a child.

"You're gonna be Mark's maid of honour?" Poppy squealed, all excited, practically bouncing on her feet after she'd hugged you.

"Nope," you smiled widely, "You're looking at Mark's best man,"

Poppy grinned and shot eyes towards Joe.

"See? I told you. You kind of have to go by Maid of Honour," and Joe laughed before scrunching up his nose in defeated, going, "Yea, well..." and you saw Joe look at his best friend and just turn so incredibly soft for her. Like she was the only good thing in his life, like he truly, really truly, loved her with all his might.

It was almost disgustingly sweet, and you wondered if there was ever going to be a line Joe could cross with Mark.

You could easily cross the line with Poppy. You would never forget the look in her eye when you'd fallen asleep on Mark and he'd just hugged you for a little bit. It was the hard way to learn that Poppy was a normal person with normal boundaries and you totally understood. Of course. You wouldn't want anyone just falling asleep on your boyfriend - not that you had one - either.

But when it came to Mark, he was just very.... whatever, about Joe.

You were so sure that, if Poppy were to fall asleep in Joe's arms, and Joe would cuddle her for a second, Mark would just be like, "Are you having a good nap, babe?"

Sometimes Joe would invite Poppy to go to insane award shows over seas and Mark wouldn't even care that they'd share a hotel room.

Mark was made of trust. It was a little wild, you thought. Especially when, look! Look at those eyes! Look at what Joe's eyes were doing! He was literally turning into a puddle in front of everyone as he looked at his best friend.

"Fine, I guess," Joe comically rolled his eyes at his new title. Maid of Honour Joe Quinn, who hadn't yet taken his coat off which was weird because you were all stood around the kitchen island and he was still in his coat. What a way to keep the yea-I-don't-want-to-be-here vibes alive. Felt real great, this.

The defeated acceptance of Joe to whatever was happening made you jokingly ask Poppy if she was sure having Joe as her maid of honour was the best idea.

The joke had fallen flat, but Poppy erased it immediately by clapping her hands together right in front of her face, all erratic and excited, her grin quite literally splitting her whole face open.

"Oh my God, it's gonna be so fun," Poppy predicted as she shook tensed fists in celebration and you couldn't help but smile at her.

"It's brilliant actually, you won't need to worry about the stag do at all, I'm sorry, but Mark, I won't be taking you to a strip club,"

Joe scoffed loudly, which... rubbed you a little wrong. Mark however, was about to argue you on it.

"I will, however" you quickly added as you laid a hand on Mark's shoulder, "get you so unbelievably wankered, you won't even fucking remember if we went to one in the first place," and that got him laughing loudly, head thrown back, showing off all his molars.

"Oh no, you're going to be bad at this," Mark then winced and made you gasp.

"No I won't be!"

"Maybe," Poppy started, then looked at Joe, "you could get together and help each other out?"

And Joe's eyes shot to you, and you saw every fiber in his being hesitate and think of a way to polite tell you no, that's all right actually.

"Listen," you started, and hoped to keep the atmosphere light and jokey, like it had been, even though neither you or Joe had joked or laughed together at all. You never did.

"I don't need Joe to keep me from losing the wedding rings," you helped Joe out. "I think we'll do just fine on our own – you wouldn't have asked us if you thought we were going to be shit at our jobs,"

Ever the mediator, you.

"Oh fuck," Mark squeezed his eyes shut, and tipped his head back a little.

"You just jinxed it!" Poppy said with huge eyes, but a secret smile playing underneath.

"What?"

"You're going to lose the wedding rings," Joe said.

"No I won't–"

"She's going to lose the wedding rings," Mark said to Poppy.

"If you fucking lose our wedding rings," Poppy spoke through her teeth with a threatening finger pointed at you, but couldn't keep her giggles in.

"Stop it, I'm not! I'm not going to lose your wedding rings!"

You wouldn't. Because you were going to beat Joe at this. You were going to do a better job, have more fun doing it and, you just decided, look better doing it too. And Joe was really fucking good looking, so that was really saying something.

And you wouldn't lose the wedding rings.

You wouldn't.

---

The Taglisted: 

@ghostinthebackofyourhead @dirtyeddietini @jasminearondottir @josephquinned @cancankiki @sidthedollface2 @dylanmunson @munsonsgirl71 @thefemininemystiquee @alana4610  @emmamooney @thatonefan-girl @paola-carter @figmentofquinn @haylaansmi @thewondernanazombie @munsonmunster @kellysimagines @mybffjoe @chaoticgood-munson @sherrylyn628 @bdpst-massacre @05secondsofsexgods @lovelyblueness @adoreyouusugar @nadixq @prozacandnicotine @munsonswhore86 @alwayslindie @breddiemunson @eddie-joe-munson @ali-in-w0nderland @pepperstories @phyllosilicate-s @thebellenouvelle @luvrsbian @joesquinns @choke-me-joey @alizztor @thelostmoonofpooosh @did-it-work @capricornrisingsstuff @quinnsbower @frogers @kennedy-brooke @daleyeahson @eddielives1986 @harringtonfan4 @sadbitchfangirl

(taglist currently full, sorry)

[bellewintersroe]

Joe Liebgott x Reader.

two times Joe doesn’t want to come to you, and the one time he does… tw - swearing, talks of war and wounds, ptsd, 1940s terms, some descriptions of war and death but nothing too intense. I keep deleting and rewriting parts but I’m just not so happy with the ending, idk :/

The Crossroads, October 1944. “Joe… go see Nurse Y/l/n once you’ve done this.” Winters told him. “Yes, sir.” Yeah right. The last person who he’d be taking a visit to was Y/n, especially like this- all wound up and wounded. He’d report to nurse Smith instead, the other nurse for 2nd battalion to who he didn’t have such an… attachment towards. You see, it wasn’t that Joe disliked her. It wasn’t that at all. In fact it was more the complete opposite- his bond with Y/n was something he’d never experienced before. To get to the point, he was in love with her. But Joe refusing to be seen as anything other than the alpha male meant he sacrificed one vital human emotion when he was around her. Vulnerability. So instead of doing at Winters ordered, he simply stood a couple meters away from the aid station (it was a brick house they’d taken over) and just stared in contemplation. Joe had seen all the nasty side effects wound infections could cause, plus, he didn’t want to be taken off the line- but dammit he was fine. Just as he made the decision to turn back around, a voice called out. Joe stood, his shoulders tense as he stared up at the ‘aid station’. It was just a stolen brick, house which people once lived in. Now, the wounded took over, bleeding to death inside the walls. He felt himself shudder once at the thought and dammit- he was fine he didn’t need to bother you whilst you were hard at work with some scratch. Joe began to turn around, ready to head back in the other direction when he heard your voice calling out. Perfect timing.

“Joe!” She’d spotted him from a mile off, first from out the window, and secondly when she came to the door to retrieve the lost looking boy. “Joe, what’re you doing?” Her voice was gentle, yet somewhat laced with worry. He internally sighed at his inside melting into goo at the sight of her. He watched the way her brows knotted as she reached up, running her fingers over the bandage and grazing the warmth of his skin.

“What happened?” God she was angelic, Liebgott could’ve easily fallen into her arms if it wasn’t for- “oh my god, what did you do?!” Her concern peaked, pulling on his arm to take a better look.

“M’ fine, it’s nothin’. Winters sent me to Nurse Smith.” He muttered, it was a lie, one he felt horrible about as well. As soon as her brows perked and he watched the breath get caught in her throat, he knew he’d been caught out. “Oh. Nurse Smi- Alice left like an hour ago. Winters orders- so I don’t think… I don’t think he’d send you to her.” For the first time she felt jealousy towards her friend. A lingering pang of pain and sadness, one that she didn’t conceal very well and Liebgott could immediately sense he’d hurt her feelings.

“Um… but I’ll go get one of the guys for you, Spina was free last I checked.” Great. In all his stubbornness, he’d somehow wound up and turned this into backfiring on her. “Y/n/n-”

“No. It’s fine, Liebgott. I’m busy anyway…”

December 1944, Bastogne.

Blowing on her hands, Y/n cupped them together, eyes scanning around the town as she pulled her shoulders up, body rigid with the baltic temperatures of Bastogne. Her boots crunched under the snow with each step, and she was careful to walk around the piles of bodies that lingered the side of the streets. She was a mix between on the lines with second battalion and back in the town, taking care of the hundreds of wounded or mentally disturbed soldiers, haunted by the traumas of the battle. Even leaving the make-do infirmary couldn’t get her away from the horrors of war. Somehow, Y/n preferred being on the lines, at least then she was with familiar faces, ones she trusted and knew. She slowed to a halt when a familiar face stood not too far ahead of her. Her breath became caught before she let out a slight laugh, relieved for the first time in days to see somebody she cared so deeply for.

“Joe.” The relief on her voice was evident, his name was light and airy and lingered in the cold air that surrounded them. Joe’s head turned, heart stolen by the voice. The finger that had been batting against his thigh momentarily stopped, the last person he wanted to see here was her- surrounded by death, bombings. He didn’t even register the warmth he felt at the sight of her. The colour of her eyes were a stark contrast to the white of the snow below, yet they were rimmed with dark circles, red and puffy. You see, Liebgott recognised straight away how far she’d wandered, completely alone, standing no taller than an adolescent. If a Kraut caught her out here- well… Liebgott didn’t even want to think of what potentially may happen.

“What’re you doing out here?” He squinted, shaking his head in utter confusion. He felt angry, pissed off that such a fragile thing could be caught in the crossfire out here. He was already riled up, being moved to CP runner which had still yet to ease his stress. Her smile faded, and she momentarily just watched back up to him, feeling as though her relief wasn’t mutual. Liebgott looked tired, pale, just a shell of his previous self. “Well I’m stationed in the town today.” Y/n’s voice quietened noticing the strange way Joe looked at her. Usually she’d be met with smiles, hugs, relieved greetings on his behalf. He’d grin and call her sweetheart or doll- something she selfishly wanted to hear in that moment. “In the town, so what the hell are ya’ doin’ out here?” Usually Joe wouldn’t be this… harsh. Not with anybody, especially not to Y/n. “I just came for a walk.” She recognised how stupid that sounded as soon as she spoke. You don’t just go for a walk in the middle of war. But she wasn’t being silly, she didn’t even realise how far she’d trekked out.

“Well, why’re you out here?” She quickly chimed, preventing Liebgott from inevitably telling her off. He’d been extremely on edge recently, more so than the other men out here.

“Go back to town, Y/n.” Joe sighed, blowing out smoke from his cigarette. She winced at the harshness of his words, looking at the red band on his arm. CP runner. “Winters sent you back here?” She tried again. He finally looked at her, chewing on the inside of his lips.

“Yeah.” He finally responded, glancing around for any danger. “I gotta get this back to battalion.” He half-arsed lifted up a letter. Her eyes followed it, before falling back down to the snow below her. She gasped slightly, feeling something beneath her shoe, quickly recognising it to just be nothing more than a rock. Liebgott watched in concern, hearing a snapping sound from the right of him. It was instantaneous, he grabbed hold of her coat, keeping her behind him with gun held up in the other.

“Relax.” Out walked a guy from D-company. He’d obviously just been taking a shit or something in the woods- but he’d almost wound up shot.

“Dammit.” Liebgott dropped his gun, teeth clenched as the man disappeared back around the corner, towards the time. He could handle the idea of himself being hurt, but not her. It was too risky out here- he was angry at her for even being out here in the first place.

“Go back to the town would ya?” He snapped, voice raised as she stared back to him wide eyes. “Joe-” “No! Just get outta here! What’re you stupid for walking here in the first place?” Her mouth fell agape, breaking all eye contact and feeling her head begin to shake in complete disbelief. “No? Yes? Just leave!” Joe was completely unrecognisable, deep down she knew he was somewhat telling the truth- but he was so mean, the tears pricked way too fast in her eyes.

“We lost 10 guys in the last hour.” As soon as her voice wobbled she gulped the sensation away. “So forgive me for being happy to see you.” His blood ran cold, the minute she turned around Joe held his head in his hands, groaning. What a weird way to tell a girl you love her? Right…

May 1945, Austria.

Joe minded his business as he strolled through the streets of Austria. He’d just finished a gruelling course in preparation to be shipped out to the pacific. Despite the calmness that was here, most men were still on edge about the continuation of the war. Like most things, Joe just grumbled about it a couple times and got on with it. If they wanted him to fight the Japanese, he’d be just as brutal as them, there’s no way Easy would go through all that shit in Europe just to be sent out to the shitty- “Woah!” Joe dramatically spoke, stumbling over something as he completely didn’t watch where he was going. He heard somebody gasp from below him, a light voice, one belonging to a woman.

“Ow.” No other than Y/n sat there, perched on a rock as she looked out to the serene views ahead of her. She grasped at her ankle, wincing at the pain of where the soldier had practically stood on here. When Joe spun around, he felt his breath get caught in his throat seeing who it was.

“Y/n!” He panted out, recognising the tear stains down your cheeks. Oh fuck, he was just a klutz! Now he’d made you cry- potentially not for the first time either. “Shit, I’m sorry sweetheart, did I hurt you bad? Fuck, I’m sorry.” Crouching down, he placed a hand on her shoulder, constantly glancing between her face and ankle. What Joe didn’t realise at first was that her tear stains were old. Her eyes were slightly puffy from crying and he’d interrupted something. “No. It’s okay, you just scared me.” She pulled her leg back with a wince. “No, don’t be silly, here let me see.” Joe let out a sad kinda laugh, she smiled only a little, allowing him to outstretch her leg again. It had been months since the two were close, they’d grown apart in the war, Joe’s lack of ability to show vulnerability had pushed her further and further away until they were no more than old acquaintances. “I’ll be fine, Joe.” She let out a chuckle, amused by her own ability to get caught up in something unlucky. She figured she’d be alone out here, now here Liebgott was trying to massage her ankle.

“Are you sure? You- you don’t look it…” his voice lowered, watching through his eyelashes. She forced another half smile before her head dropped, “it’s okay, Joe.” He sensed she was doing the exact same thing he did to her all those months ago. “Hey, no. C’mere.” Moving around, he perched besides her on the rock, unable to help himself from wrapping an arm around her in comfort.

“You good? Did I hurt your ankle that bad, kid, or have I just interrupted somethin’?” She let out a sad laugh again at his words, wiping under her eyes. “I’m just… I’m just scared for the pacific.” Her chest felt lighter when she spoke those words. With the twig she had in her hand, she continued poking at the mud below, averting Liebgott’s gaze which cascaded over her face. For a moment he was stumped, his heart was beating at a furious speed and oh god- he was fuckin’ nervous. Not the time to be nervous when she was crying in his arms. He opened his mouth to speak, but swallowed them away before letting out a sigh, looking across the beautiful lake ahead of them.

“I don’t wanna do it anymore, y’know. And they’re… brutal over there.” She spoke up once more, fingers writhing together as she finally glanced up to him. When he did look back he felt his heart shatter to meet her glassy eyes.

“I know.” Was all he could manage at first, watching over her face as she waited for his response. “If anything’s good practice it’s being on the front lines though, right?” He attempted as she felt a breath of laughter leave her throat at his comment. Joe’s face turned slightly, visibly cringing at his response.

“Ah, shit Y/n/n, but seriously, we’re all gonna be there together, y’know. You’ve gotta whole company willingly to die before they let anything happen to ya’.” He squeezed her reassuringly to which she sadly laughed again, assuming he was being lighthearted.

“No, I’m serious. Look, kid, I know if it’s between me and you- I’m jumpin’ in front of ya.” He admitted without even thinking, this time it was her gaze on him. “I’d do the same for you.” Joe froze, not expecting the mutual terms of their speech. Something had softened inside of him, that fluttering in his stomach had returned in full force- it never really left, just dulled from the years of war and pushing her away. She felt her breath become heavy, blinking over his handsome face.

“Well, that’s if you’d actually want me around you.” She pathetically attempted to joke, wiping under her eyes to prevent her mascara from running any further. “What?” Joe’s head snapped up, meeting her gaze. “Hey, I always want ya’ around me, don’t be silly.” He spoke again, hand cautiously landing on her knee. “No but… I thought you didn’t like me.” The words caused something inside Joe’s chest to pang and twinge sharply. “Course I like ya.” The words fell more serious than be intended. “I wanna be around you all the time.” Y/n swooned at his words, still painfully head over heels for him all these years later. Her hand slipped into his, feeling his larger fingers squeeze a little around hers. “You didn’t seem like that before…”

“Ah, I was just being a dick.” He shrugged. “Sorry.” He glanced down to his lap momentarily. “I don’t hold it against you. I just- I just thought you never felt the same.” Her jaw tensed, head feeling hot at her sudden admission of feelings. Joe felt the corners of his lips tug teasingly.

“You wanna hang out with me later? Like just us two.” Finally, he saw a smile reach up to her eyes. It was a genuine kind, one that he didn’t think he’d actually seen in a real long time.

“Yeah, I’d like that.” Turning down, she wiped under her eyes once more, past worries seemingly forgotten about. She let out a giggle as he watched her with nothing short than pure delight. “I can’t believe I cried.” “I’ve seen a whole lot worse doll, don’t worry about it…. Haven’t you got enough points to leave anyway?”

“No. It doesn’t work like that for us nurses.”

“Ah crap… suppose you’re stuck with me for another three years then.” “Lucky me.” She teased, sarcastically digging her arm into his side as he nudged her back with a knowing smile. “Lucky me more like.”

“Yeah after finally making a move 3 years later.”

“Maybe I oughta’ have run straight past you, now you’re just getting bold.” He joked. “Or maybe you could’ve done that anyway, without breaking my ankle.”

[overrgrown]

stray my stand in thoughts in no particular order (e1-7 spoilers) ~

sorry it's long lmao I have a lot of jumbled thoughts that I need to yell about so this is me screaming into the void

Joe being used as a stand in by ming and tong is very telling

ming honestly doesn't act like a spoiled rich brat. he's occasionally entitled, but he's very polite to staff and he genuinely cares for his sister.

I don't think that ming wants to hurt his sister. he wants tong to choose him instead of his sister so that he can break her heart instead and then ming isn't to blame

idk if ming was ever trying to be subtle to Joe about what he was to him. he flat out told him he was a stand in (just didn't mention for who)

Joe getting a second chance at a maternity figure only to have her immediately fall into major trouble and then health issues has got to be triggering the fuck out of Joe rn

do we find out where Joe 2.0's spirit is at all? and what happened to OG Joe's body??

jfc poom is so pretty I can't focus

ik sol and ming are more than likely gonna become friends at some point but my messy ass would LOVE to see them be bitter bitches to the end with each other

where did ming get the chain....?

it's making me so fucking sad that Joe is falling back into his previous direct footsteps bc of his situation and its literally all he knows to do. same people, same habits, same mannerisms, same career, everything

he has an opportunity to completely rebrand and live his life without being under ming's thumb but he is consciously choosing to stay around him. why? what is so alluring about the person who used and emotionally cheated on you for who knows how long and then drunkenly called you the target of his actual affections????

Joe is not only too humble. I think he genuinely doesn't think he deserves better. this life is all he's ever known and he's never had the stones to try and improve himself and get his own life

his job is literally to be a nameless, faceless body double who does the work for a person who gets to take all the credit

(not that I'm shit talking real stunt doubles. y'all are the core of my fave action movies and ily)

but it says a lot about Joe's character and how passive he is usually and it's so interesting to me that he's the big risk taker when it comes to his stunts but he's too scared to make a move to improve his life or branch out on his own

those inconsiderate little bitches. you can't just add a character willy nilly to an already finished script. it'll throw off the whole movie and that's way more work for the writers

yo that hesitation at Joe not being able to break those mugs???? I felt it physically that was GOOD FUCKING ACTING

sol has never done anything wrong in his life he could murder someone in front of me in cold blood and I would help him cover it up

I would come out to sol i trust him with my party drink I'll go to war for him

damn bro how the hell did Joe get roped into being a stand in for HIMSELF that's some meta shit right there. like how is this not just self harm bc that's what it seems like to me

tharn? that's a new name. will we meet him?

ming's condo being green and gold like Joe's old house I am chewing on fucking concrete

OH THE MIRROR SWIPE THE HARSH REMINDER THAT HE IS IN ANOTHER BODY AND THAT HE IS USING THAT BODY AS A STAND IN FOR HIMSELF AND THAT HE NOT ONLY SOLD HIMSELF TO MING BUT HE SOLD JOE 2.0'S BODY GOD THAT WAS *chefs kiss*

is the backception here that ming is kissing Joe 2.0's back bc it reminds him of OG Joe or because it reminds him of Joe reminding him of tong hmmmmmmmmm either way: seek help babe you have a problem

the juicy juicy parallel of ming waking up to an empty pillow I'm gulping this shit down like water this is my life blood rn thank you for the delicious meal

i am not immune to the mesh shirt

AHA I THINK I JUST MET THARN

Update: I am correct

JOE'S ACCIDENT WAS A SUICIDE ATTEMPT?!?!?!?!? holy fuck bro

I thought I was going to hate ming a lot more when I started this bc I have a lot of manipulation trauma but I kind of.... get him

how old is tharn supposed to be bc he looks 16 and it's unsettling

I knew we couldn't trust that twink

YAS BABE YOU LOSE YOUR SHIT YOU YELL YOU GET MAD YOU TELL PEOPLE TO FUCK OFF YOU KICK THARN OUT OF YOUR ROOM DESERVE TO UNHINGE YOURSELF A BIT

ming is about to step off the edge I can feel it this man is about to overflow and drown everyone around him in his search for Joe

"tOng PlaYed tHe scENe hImsELF" oh so tong has always been a piece of shit got it

shut the fuck up why am I actually getting emotional over ming realizing that his Joe is the one in front of him and that it's been him all along

but on another note I am going to pound him into the cement for interrupting that shoot I hope the footage wasn't ruined by ming's emo ass

the back hug with the clear JOE though and comparing it to their first meeting?? stupendous no notes

up is going in a bubble I am kissing his forehead he acted the fuck outta that last scene MWAH

[taylortruther]

the tortured artist trope discourse makes me think like what if this is a blank space situation for taylor....like people have been criticizing her music for so long since she writes about her own lived experiences and is very open bout her feelings; the good, the bad and the ugly.

im thinking of that video where she announces anti hero and says sumn like "you don't have to feel bad for me" like...she's been told by so many critics of her that she victimises herself and is very dramatic about 'stupid breakups' etc.

some might group HER with the pseudo tortured artist trope and say that she fakes it and her pain isn't genuine or serious enough yk.

so maybe she's fully leaning into that persona of hers, being unabashed about revealing ALL of herself this time and like really committing instead of hiding under the guise of fiction like she did with folkmore (esp now that we know folkmore had more elements of reality in it than we were expecting)

...like maybe ttpd is gonna be folkmore levels of devastating but it's just her being fully honest.

idk if this makes sense, but i just feel like she's dealt with "oh she just writes sad woe is me songs" allegations for so long and she might have felt like she isn't allowed to express herself or doubted her own feelings bcz everyone accuses them of being weapons (dare i say joe himself might have some part in making her feel this way) so yeah now she's just owning herself, all her songwriting prowess and telling the full story saturated with all of her emotions as and when she felt them

yes! i'm picking up on this too, i really think a big part of this album will be her owning her truth (the good, the bad, the ugly) and also owning how she wields it (the good, the bad, the ugly.)

all's far in love and poetry!

it definitely reminds me of the blank space or reputation or tlgad angle. i think she'll use fiction the way she always has - because she thinks in metaphor, and sometimes describing a man forlorn on coney island, or a funeral, gets the point across so much better. but the separation between real and fiction will be thin. and i totally agree that there will be some bitterness, anger, at being misunderstood (truthfully, as there often is on a taylor album.)

[placeinthisworld]

ttpdta review part one 🤠

let me preface this by stating that i am a swiftie first and person second in this situation. i have grown up with taylor and feel as if shes my big sister- yes i can make fun of her but if i see anyone else do it i will get fiercely protective. i do understand her music is not only art but also her form of therapy. that being said, throughout these nonsense notes i am constantly mentioning that taylor should go to therapy. i am aware of what she has said about therapy (and why she doesn’t go) but i would beg to differ with her…especially after this album release lol.

taylor is an extraordinary storyteller and song writer. i believe this album is full of evidence of that, but it also has some faults that prevent from being as good as i felt like it could have been. overall the album feels rushed.

i also feel like it’s important to recognize the elephant in the room. i know we probably all expected this to be a joe breakup album, so the fact that it turned out to be a “fuck you matty healy” album shook us all a little bit. i know matty had a controversial history, im not gonna sit here and defend him. i don’t know much about him other than what is forced against my will. i do however know that he struggles with mental health issues/ substance abuse/ addiction. i’m not gonna comment much about his personal issues, i don’t feel like that’s right and taylor’s constant references to drugs throughout ttpd definitely rubs me the wrong way. i should also mention i grew up with an active addict and do view things from that perspective, so i feel slightly triggered by the topic and my feelings about that may just be personal but i do mention that in my notes when it’s relevant.

lastly, i am not a music production girlie idk shit lol. i only know i am a aaron dessner stan so any song with his name im already biased towards and i am aware, if u don’t like that idk what to tell u lol. i just know what i feel like is “good” or “bad” but music is subjective🫶🏻

1. Fortnight:

Hate the functional alcoholic part. Like the beat, the chorus is catchy. One thing i love about a taylor swift song is that theres always a story and its always visual. I like the metaphor of the “good neighbors” of like having this teasing/ longing feeling for someone that you could have had a life with. “Your wife waters flowers/ i want to kill her + my husbands cheating/ i want to kill him” feeling like you were robbed of her life, feeling “all my mornings are mondays stuck in an endless february” reminiscing about the short period of time where you were together and convinced it would last forever (only for it to end before it even started). I do not listen to much post malone but i enjoyed his verse!! So many florida references we get it everything bad happens in florida.

i have not seen the video yet oooopsies

2. Ttpd:

i thought this was the opening of Hey Stephen (the remix) or something at first. gotta say i absolutely love the way she sings “you left your typewriter at my apartment/ straight from the tortured poets department” i enjoyed the vibe of this song, and lyrics up until the “you smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate (OKAY SOOOOOOO ME CODED NGL I LAUGHED at this point i could let this lyric slide- bit then she had to mention the charlie puth and golden retriever thing and ngl it almost ruins the song entirely for me. Tbh when i first listened to the leak i thought this was a fake AI song and that i was sending around a fake leak bc these lyrics started to get a little weird to me. ‘Sometimes i wonder if youre gonna screw this up with me/ but you told lucy you’d kill yourself if i ever leave” …………girl i am begging you to see a therapist (side note did anyone else have a friend in hs whos bf would say that shit a lot?? I remember straight up fighting with a friend who refused to break up w her bf bc he would threaten to end his own life is she did and he was like 16? If an adult is saying that same shit i would be Very concerned not gossiping about it???) “i chose this cyclone with you” my first reaction was: ride the cyclone the musical? Overall i liked the first half but you lost me at charlie puth (hes the one with eyebrow right? I think i get him and miles teller mixed up) (i dont know who either of these men are)

3. My boy only breaks his favorite things:

Okay tbh i thought this was gonna be one of my least favorites, but the total opposite happened. I think this is one of my top 5 favorites on this album. I do think that there is a difference between a poem and a song and that they are not always interchangeable. I feel like if this was edited into a poem it would be KILLER. The visuals, the the story, the vocabulary, the sadness in it. “Im queen of sandcastles he destroys/ There was danger in the heat of my touch/ once i fix me/ hes gonna miss me/ i felt more when we played pretend then with all the kens / cause he took me out of my box” i feel like ever since folklore, taylors been trying to push these big fancy words and sometimes it feels awkward and forced, but this is one of the rare songs that doesn't suffer from that.

4. Down bad:

meh. Chorus is catchy. I dont love the narrative “fuck it if i cant have him/ i might just it would make no difference” but i also have never once experienced that over a person before lmao……….taylor go to therapy. Nothing really stands out about this to me otherwise. No offense, but it sounds like a generic jack antonoff song lol. Like maybe if another artist released this, i would enjoy it more but idk i wouldnt expect it from taylor i guess. Just kinda feels boring to me sorry if u enjoy it <3

5. So long, london:

oh man were done with british men now for real for real. “ two graves one gun. I'll find someone” its over for joe and matty (but thats fine if all she has to say about joe is what i think she said on this album i am happy i think We Get It…) Aaron dessner i love u (remember when he reposted me on his ig ahh).”i kept calm and carried the weight of the rift/ pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away” + “I stopped trying to make him laugh/ stopped trying to drill the safe/ i didnt opt in to be our odd man out/ im pissed off you let me give you all of that youth for free” oof i FELT that one a LITTLE too hard. I think this is both a song about matty and joe- i think she had a life and an attachment to london just in general through both relationships, “im just mad as hell because i loved this place” and so reflecting back on how both are over and how all those plans with either are done. “You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days” OKAY kinda hate this phrase bc it feels like shes placing blame on whomever’s mental health/ depression, like as if they made the conscious decision to sacrifice the relationship solely. This very much feels like “how much sadness did you think i could take before i got bored???” overall top favorite songs bc it doesnt have too many cringey or odd lyrics and the production is 10/10 thank u aaron dessner ilysm king

6. But daddy i love him:

tbh when i got the leak this was the first song i listened to bc i thought it was gonna be the worst one and i wanted to get it over with (i was RIGHT until she dropped that second half……..) and i DIDNT have the lyrics obviously so i couldnt for the life of me figure out if she really said “im having his baby…..NO IM NOT!” until the VERY end of the song and bro…….the cringe. The cringe. The cringe. This is also when i started to question if this was real or if i was passing out a fake leak, lol. I dont understand how she could be saying this shit about matty. And like we all know it lol. “Sometimes growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all” …….but like does it??? I feel like thats kinda an oxymoron or something like i understand what shes trying to say and MOST of the time her metaphors and comparisons make sense to me but like this one doesnt. Growing up precocious means to grow up more advanced in maturity, how would that also mean not growing up at all? Is it just me getting stoned and overthinking things? “Ill tell you something about my good name/ its mine alone to disgrace” true that bestie ur doin a great job by being so politically quiet over the past couple of yeats after making a whole asss documentary about wanting to be on the right side of history. But I digress i am just one of those bitches performing soliloquies you'll never see. Overall this song is very weird and cringey imo and i wish it stayed in whatever vault it was sitting in lol.

7.Fresh out of the slammer: “In the shade of how he was feeling” -_- dont like this narrative already. I could honestly go on a rant about why i dont like this song but im going to spare for the sake of my sanity in this review of thirty one fucking songs but its along these lines “to the one who says im the girl of his american dreams” oh brother. otherwise i dont care for many of the lyrics, the chorus/ melody/vibe is mid i guess. It sounds like another jack song (i was right)

8. Florida!!!: “all my friends smell like weed or little babies” okay i know what she was trying to say but im SORRY you cant tell me she couldnt think of ANY other way to say her friends are either parents partiers lmao. Deserves jail for that but luckily the vibe and the chorus of the song are really catchy and florence’s voice is beautiful in it. “Well me and my ghost we had a hell of a time/ yes im haunted but im feeling just fine” CHILLS i loved it. I didnt think i would like this song but (maybe as much as i like no body, no crime which is meh) but no i lowkey love this song and think its really fun. Once again the drug references start to get heavy here in the album and like i mentioned i do get slightly triggered by drug mentions.

9. Guilty as sin?:

okay taylor we get it you masterbate. Another strong jack song and it’s pretty similar to others on the album so nothing besides the sexual lyrics stand out.

10. Whos afraid of little old me?:

“if you wanted me dead you should have just said/ nothing makes me feel more alive” ooooooooooh i love that. I feel like a live or an acoustic version of this song would give me CHILLS. “Is it a wonder i broke / lets hear one more joke/ then we can all laugh until i cry” honestly so relatable, “i was tame, i was gentle til the circus life made me mean” oh :( that hurt bc it just reminds me of the vibe shift during midnights era/ eras tour where it *feels* like she started to pull back from being taylor swift and started to become Taylor Swift (™) and the way her fans/ media has treated her made her mean or cold or something and that just makes me feel sad. “Whos afraid of little old me? You caged me and then you called me crazy! I am what i am cause you trained me! SO. WHOS. AFRAID. OF ME? Again the narcotics line kinda makes me feel icky but thats bc i have that thing about drugs and just dont LOVE all the references to them. Like i know its not that serious but theres a reason why i dont seek out artists that typically talk or write about that stuff ya know so its weird. Overall i think the production is one of the most unique ones on this part of the album.

11. I can fix him (no really i can):

i hate it all around i think. I hate the narrative of “i can fix him!! I can handle a dangerous man!!! No really i can!!!” there is a reason why this song is barely 3 mins long lol it should have been cut but i think taylor wanted to Be Edgy. i dont care for the productions or the lyrics, its very forgetful imo.

12. Loml:

okay i really thought this was gonna be a joe song (rip) so i was thinking it was gonna be really deep and sad and like it IS but with the context of it being the pt 2 fling with matty it doesnt seem like it now. Anyone who thinks this is not about matty please look at the lyrics and be so serious “whos gonna stop us from waltzing back into reklndled flames/ if we know the steps anyway” I think matty just said too much shit to taylor during their fling and taylor WAS truly convinced this her invisible string and he promised her a lot that he couldnt upkeep and ghosted her and she took it SUPER hard, i mean two breakups in one year is a lot (me, whos never been through a single breakup once). I just dont understand how she feels like matty is the greatest loss of her life. One of my favorite tracks on the album, “our field of dreams engulfed in fire/ your arsons match your somber eyes” a LOT of these lyrics are actually really good imo. I think im the only one that didnt find the “mr. steal your girl and make her cry” line idk i thought it was actually kinda neat, the phrasing of it, kinda contradicts the title “love of my life” because he was never that serious or respectful of her and only use her from the beginning. This is another song that i think would make KILLER poem over song. Overall i think the piano is haunting and a live version of this will make me die, thank u again aaron dessner 10/10

13. I can do it with a broken heart:

ngl i thought this was the opening to mastermind for a hot second- also gave me a scare on whether or not this was a fake leak lol. Catchy ass chorus but very YOYOK. “Breaking down i hit the floor/ All the pieces of me shattered/ as the crowd was shouting “more!” ooffffffff seeeeee that is exactly WHAT i was afraid she was feeling durning the eras tour after the joe breakup/ matty situation and all these stupid twitter and tik tok swiffers were out here overanalyzing EVERYTHING and demanding rep tv like every other day. “Im so depressed i act like its my birthday” …….okay taylor. Like a lot of people have said, i think she interchanges “depressed” for “sad” a lot and the two are not the same. I think taylor wrote this song (but specifically the “i cry a lot time but i am so productive” and was like “yup this part is gonna go viral on tik tok,” initially i wrote “feels like taylor saw that depression barbie commercial in barbie 2023 and wrote a song based on that” lol which i still agree with. Overall the production of this screams midnights reject lol, very jack antonoff. Over time this song has grown on me a lot. Originally i didnt care for it but now its kind of a bop but i think its bc its so similar to YOYOK. “Try and come for my job” @taylorswift deadass you couldn’t think of anything else to say instead. cmon. I was mostly on board until that very last part, just seemed very cheesy lol like its not a big deal but i thought it delivered well without it.

14. The smallest man who ever lived:

(aaron thank u for saving me and this entire album) “they just ghosted you/ now you know what it feels like” OUCH. “i dont even want you back i just want you to know/ if rusting my sparkling was the goal/ and i dont miss what we had but can someone give/ a message to the smallest man who ever lived” oh this was somber af. I am obsessed with the phrasing of the chorus. I also LOVE taylors deeper voice its def giving me the same feelings MTR gave me from folklore, that made me CRY and this was very similar. This is another classic taylor song that i could EASILY write like a ten page essay about if someone put a gun to my head. I know that its about a *romantic* relationship, but it feels general enough to be able to relate to anyone who is close to someone with an addiction or struggles with substances. A lot of addicts dont understand the impact of their addiction or their behaviors that they display while struggling. To meeeeee, this feels very much like “you were self centered and betrayed my trust, was any of this true? Real? Am i paranoid or is this that deep?” “it wasnt sexy once it wasnt forbidden” has me thinking lots of things. I think that describes taylors “type”if that makes sense? Like i said i would need to literally break this song down line by line like its ridiculous i have too many thoughts about this song i have listened to it on repeat six times by the time im typing this. “In public showed me off/ then sank in stoned oblivion” FUCK. “you treat her like an also-ran” honestly i have never heard of that phrase/word thank u dr. swift. “Were you sent by someone who wanted me DEAD/ did you sleep with a GUN underneath OUR BED/ were you writing a BOOK?/ were you a sleeper cell SPY? IN 5O YEARS WILL THIS BE ALL DECLASSIFIED?/ AND YOU’LL CONFESS WHY YOU DID IT!/ AND ILL SAY GOOD RIDDANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” tears were formed besties. Also love the gracie abrams reference. “And you deserve prison but you wont get time” i feel like is very metaphorical like you DESERVE to be punished for what you did to me but you won’t admit to the guilt, you wont admit your wrongdoings, you wont admit that i would have done anything for you and you have no problem replacing me. “You said normal girls were boring/ but you were gone by the morning” first of all red flag girlie, nonetheless heartbreaking. “And in plain sight you hid/ but you are what you did” i say this with all the love in my heart, someone take taylor swift to a really good really private therapist. I could say more but i think i need to move on because i am now on my eighth cyle of listening to this song.

15. The alchemy:

already kinda hate it. “What if i told you im back/ the hospital was a drag/ worst sleep i ever had” do you think taylor swift has ever been admitted to a real hospital in this context. Feels very out of place and like i said earlier i dont love the psych ward visuals/ references she keeps inserting in this album. “He jokes its heroin but this time with an e” thanks! I fucking hate that line so much. Feels very icky, not funny. I get what shes going for but it falls so flat for me. The football references (yall know my opinion on meathead!!!!!!!! I will not engage!!!) are fucking dumb. Production is kinda lame and uninterested. Will only listen to this song if by force and will not repeat it ive head enough lets move on.

i have Lots Of Thoughts. i don’t think anyone cares about what i have to say though so i don’t think i’ll bother posting the rest lol but i did do a lot of work so ill post just a bit to make myself feel better.

[eddiesxangel]

I need to ask you about Hoard. How was it?!

Hoard details/spoilers under the cut

It was a very odd movie, I’m ngl. Honestly if Joe wasn’t in it i would have never of watch it bc it was wak. The script focused on the characters and how their mental illness affected their lives, but like there were some point where I was like…. How did that lead up to this? Like when they eat a certain something in the movie it’s out of no where. To me the “love” between Michael and Maria felt rushed? From the time they meet to the end if spans over 5-6 months and it just didn’t feel like it bc it’s like they meet then next thing you know they mentioned it’s been 5 months later. There were a lot of “what the fucks” going on in my head watching it bc it felt like i had no idea what would happen next.

HOWEVER all of the actors were 10/10.

Our boy Joe 🥵 I wouldn’t say he’s the villain everyone thinks he will be in this movie… like yes he’s older and sleeps with another women who isn’t his pregnant fiancée, but he also has so many problems of his own that like…. You don’t focus on the age gap.

IMO Maria is 18, she finishes school and is just living her life after she’s graduated. so like idk it’s a movie people don’t need to be freaking out about others writing Hoard fics…. His character just wants to be loved by Maria and is scared about becoming and dad. Like it’s not like he’s praying on her. Mentally they’re both on the same level of fucked up, Maria maybe a bit more but everyone can calm down about it.

The image of Joe’s ass is burned into my frontal lobe. The way he grunted during the sex scene is also parked right beside it… I’m just saying the GIFS that are about to come out after it’s released. You guys are going to be just as feral as I am bc LET ME TELL YOU THIS MAN IS FINE. THIS MAN IS BEEFED UP. HIS ARMS HOLY SHIT. Where is my vibrator

[corythosauruswithascarf]

Saw furiosa and I’m putting some thoughts under the spoiler-

- the child actress was great, loved her

-overall just loved our short peek at the green place, very cool and solar punk. Not quite what I expected but totally love it

-wish I was able to identify the vulvalini war leader to who she was in mmfr

-really liked the kind of vignette structure that was used

-but yeah the first vignette or two was really really good, I loved Mary Jo bassa, I loved the tension of her and furi protecting the secret location

-I didnt like dementus in the trailers, but he was a lot smarter/more canny than expected. He approached furi in the right way and I think the audience really did love/hate him

-dementus at the citadel was great, loved how we established Joe’s power, but also dementus’s charisma and ability to lead a group as a ‘caring’ despot

-plus motorcycle chariot, iconic no notes

-gastown trojan horse was fine, def overshadowed by other stuff

- the parley scene, his nipples came off

- overall the handoff of furi and organic mechanic felt a little weird but I mean plot holes gonna plot hole

-teddy bear is iconic tho

-also lol at organic mechanic never aging

-aging in general was all over the place

- okay so furi is with the wives for not that long at all, and just nobody notices when she escapes???

-tho i guess rictus probably would have killed her anyway

-BLACKTHUMB BLACKTHUMB BLACKTHUMB

-idk just seeing furi build the war rig made me happy, and managing to get through the environment on her own

-basically all the of the stowaway was the high point of the move

- the war rig getting built

-the war with octoboss

-like that was cool as shit, all those kites

-love the miller just consistently raises the bar and makes this world crazier

- I think there was more CGI in this one, but overall combat still looked very very good

- coming down to the final two felt very tense, overall just great fight

-I think this is also when we saw the best acting out of Anya Taylor joy, the silent stare works when there’s crazy combat everywhere

-hey pissboy

-praetor Jack felt fine here, keeping her around was justified

-the time skip here was the worst tho

-like she just went from stowaway to driving the rig???

-idk i feel like that was the part of the story i was most interested in and they skipped it all

-also I hate her hair, like why???

-it also like never came up the she is literally the only woman with like any kind of power in the citadel???

-apparently the answer to how was some big strong awesome man protected her just because???

-like I just didn’t understand their chemistry

-also like nobody realized this was a wife that escaped a few years ago???

- so like I think the bulletown scene suffered just because like I didn’t care so much about this guy and don’t see why she did

-the dark dementus scene was alright I guess

-hi max! Is it implied he got her back to citadel?

- solo vengeance quest next, liked zooming out of there without rictus and scrotus

-but honestly Taylor joy just got way out acted by Hemsworth in that last vignette

-he was really really good

-and like she just stared

-like maybe it would have worked better if she had more dialogue

- but also I’m just not sure I found her as compelling out of a fight scene in general

-the peach tree was cool tho

-I was hoping to see my boy ace, but if he was there I missed it :(

In conclusion I have a lot of opinions please talk to me about them

[jewishbarbies]

as a swiftie since fearless (the first time around), can i just say i am APPALLED by this woman. the pap walks were annoying. treating joe like she did after six years was cruel. the matty stuff was bad. the travis stuff is embarrassingly pathetic. and now 1989. i don't know how she thought releasing those tracks was a good look because it's not. emotionally blackmailing people, slut shaming (and just generally shaming and mocking them), accusing them of trying on personalities (LOL AS IF SHE DOESN'T) when they're young and figuring themselves out and exploring their gender/sexuality, accusing them of not ~doing enough~ when you're older and more famous and have WAY more power in the relationship is gross. everyone is mocking and dragging harry, and i'm sorry but this man hasn't done anything towards her. the songs he's written about her are sweet/complimentary or he blamed himself. he has always been kind and generous about her as a person and songwriter in public. you don't even have to like him to see and understand that, when it comes to her, he could not have been nicer. and for her to do this is just such low behavior and repeating what she's done to joe, what she did to jake (remember "i don't think about their experience/feelings at all" or whatever it is she said when red tv came out that everyone praised her as a girlboss for. it didn't sit well with me at the time and feels even worse now). she has no regard or respect for anyone else's emotions or well-being. she has to be the victim and center of attention. i NEVER believed or bought into those descriptions of her character before and now it seems very clear to me and tbh it sucks. she sucks. idk what to do with all the love i had and time i spent with her and her music. fifteen years. (sorry for saying that since you rightfully don't like her, it's stupid that it hurts but it does.)

I was in the same position when I realized how horrible she was. I’d listened to her music since her debut in ‘08. it wasn’t so much saddening for me as it much as it just made me angry. it felt like I’d been lied to (and in a lot of ways I was) and to realize her antisemitism, racism, etc. was like a slap in the face.

[ofliterarynature]

MARCH 2024 WRAP UP

[loved liked ok nope dnf (reread) bookclub*]

Supernova • The Last Unicorn • Cahokia Jazz • (Heartstopper Vol 1)* • The Hero of Ages • Godkiller • Humanly Possible • Traveller’s Joy • The Well of Ascension • Babel-17 • The Final Empire • Loot • The Death I Gave Him

Finished: 11 books (9 audio, 1 print, 1 ebook)

Not many books this month but by god I read THREE Brandson Sandersons, so -

I guess I may as well start with Sanderson while we're here. I promised a mutual years ago (who's sadly left tumblr) that I would read Mistborn and it's probably been at least half a decade but I did it Lourdes! I've read a few one-off Sandersons before, but nothing I fell in love with. The Final Empire definitely had some issues, some things felt a little off, but overall I think I liked it! Except those things did not then improve in the next two books, and by book 3 I was dragging and solidly decided that I wouldn't continue past the original trilogy. I was so mad at that ending y'all, and if the mixed vibes from the copy for the next books wasn't enough that definitely sealed the deal lmao. Happy for the people who like him but it's not really my vibe. (but god, did it remind me how much I love big, grand, epic fantasies. I really need to find a good one). 3 stars

Babel-17 (3 stars) - idk, I think I found this on a rec list for sci-fi about linguistics? Which it sort of was, maybe, ostensibly. It was weird in that old sci-fi way and I kind of wish I'd DNF'd it when I originally considered it.

Traveller's Joy (5 stars)- look I will never say no to more in the Greenwing & Dart series, especially if it's my good good boy Hal. Not to mention more info about the immediate post-college times, and an outside POV on Jemis (Jemis my dude I love you so much but you are not a reliable narrator). Victoria picked a great piece of canon to explore!

Humanly Possible: Seven Hundred Years of Humanist Freethinking, Inquiry, and Hope (4 stars) - I've been wanting to read this since I first heard about it (and Humanist thought in general), and while it was interesting and I'm glad I read it, I found my attention drifting a lot. It spent a lot of time in the early/distant periods of humanist thought, which ended up not really being what I wanted - I think I'm more interested in the modern Humanist movent, but at least I know I'm on the right track!

Godkiller (4.5 stars) - It was great! It was kind of idk, epic fantasy with fairy tale and D&D vibes sort of? My brain is throwing out T Kingfisher and Robin McKinley for comps, but I'm not sure if that's accurate. A great one for fans of less-than-benevolent voices in the back of your head that are nonetheless very concerned for your well being! A solid 4/4.5 stars from me, it switched pov a little to often and didn't stick well in my head as well afterward as I'd have liked. Can't wait to get the next book!

Heartstopper (5 stars) - so cute! at least half the people who have ever come to book club at some point have said they loved this, so since we're in our graphic novel era it just made sense! I read a good chunk of the comic online ages ago and it's still great (and much easier when not fighting my wifi to load pages lol)

Cahokia Jazz (5 stars) - y'all I lost my fucking MIND OVER THIS ONE. Absolutely going to be one of my top books of the year. I'm such such a sucker for books about an outsider trying to find themself, their place, and reconnect with their culture, and hnnnnnng it was so good! Not always easy, but I loved it. I sobbed over that ending so much, I had to get up at work and go hide in the restroom for a bit and couldn't stop tearing up for the next week. Warning that the opening is pretty gory/crime novel/these-cops-are-corrupt vibes that *did* almost make me dnf (GASP), but it gets so much better I promise. Give Joe a chance, he's got hidden depths.

The Last Unicorn (3.5 stars) - It was ok? I didn't really get into it and was glad it was short, but I'm sure if I'd gotten my hands on this as a kid I'd have read it 10x times. I've also never seen the movie. I'm debating if I want to keep my copy for future niblings, but probably not.

Supernova (3 stars) - finally, I am DONE with this series. I admit, the second book almost got me and had me reconsidering if I should keep my copies after all, but this one yanked me back to reality. The undercurrents of ethics/morals/philosophy? to this series are fascinating, but uh, I'm not sure the author is aware of them as much as I was? Because the ending was fine, but all of these questions it felt like the series was raising were just ignored or pushed past. Not a bad series, just don't think about anything too hard.

DNF's

Loot - I was here for the automaton tiger and clockmaking, but that wasn't really the focus? I'm not quite sure what was, actually, I dropped this pretty quick between that, not liking the writing style, or the narrator's voice.

The Death I Gave Him - I was SO sad to give this one up. It's told through excerpts and transcripts and all sorts of things pieced together that hint at events in the future, which is one of my favorite things!!!! Except I don't know shit about Hamlet, and it was giving more psychological-thriller vibes and less murder-mystery, and I wasn't really having fun. It made me want to reread Sarah Gailey's The Echo Wife.

[collecting-stories]

Espresso - Brian 'Otis' Zvonecek

Request: Otis hears reader talk/point about (something) they’ve been wanting to idk Gabby or someone and Brian decides to get it for her to impress her. 

A/N: I wish I had an Otis to buy me a fancy coffee machine...bought myself an espresso machine for xmas and it was hella expensive.

One Chicago Masterlist

✰✰✰✰

When the lease on your old apartment had come up and Sylvie had suggested you move in with her instead of renewing, you almost turned her down. Not that you didn’t love Sylvie and want to move in with her, just that she lived with Joe and Otis and you were pretty much positive that living in the same apartment as Otis would be like willing walking into a disaster. Not because you didn’t like Otis but because you did and you spent every day that you saw him (24 whole hours at a time) doing your best to not just blurt out that you were ridiculously in love with him. 

It’d been three weeks so far, living under the same roof as Otis, and you’d managed to keep your cool. Thankfully. It was the days off that were tricky. At work there was always something to do but at home, you tried your hardest to keep busy. Morning pilates, grocery trips, anything to keep you out of the apartment and away from Otis.  

You spent enough time with Otis though that he never really seemed to pick up on you trying to avoid him, whether that was because you were bad at avoiding him or because even when you tried all you really wanted to do was hang out with him, you couldn’t actually be sure. Either way, you saw a lot of Otis though typically Joe and Sylvie were around a fair amount too.  

This morning, however, the apartment felt quieter than usual. At least until you made it out into the living room.  

“Stop right there!” Otis’ voice carried through from the kitchen and he appeared in your line of sight, hand up as if he was physically prepared to stop you from making it any further out of your room.  

“Uh, okay...why?” You tried to look passed him, worried that maybe something broke (it wouldn’t be the first time Otis had broken something and then attempted to mend it as if nothing happened).  

“Just...stay right there.” With each word he took a step back, until finally he disappeared around the corner again, back into the kitchen while you stood dumbfounded in the hallway.  

“Brian?”  

“Just give me a minute!” 

The sound that happened directly after he spoke, like a machine was grinding something down, made you physically jump. You stayed in your spot though, startled but following Otis’ orders as you tried to decipher the strange noises coming from the kitchen. Finally, it was silent. Except for the sound of Otis’ socked feet shuffling from the kitchen to your doorway.  

“Alright, here you go!” He looked ridiculously proud of himself as he handed you a very fancy looking double-walled glass mug of coffee.  

“What’s this?” You couldn’t help the question though you didn’t wait for him to answer as you took a sip, “oh my god, Brian, this is amazing!”  

“I uh, I heard you and Gabby talking about that espresso machine that you wanted to buy for the apartment...not that I was, you know, eavesdropping or anything-” 

“You didn’t!” You half ran (careful of the cappuccino that was still in your possession) into the kitchen where the espresso machine that you’d been talking about almost non-stop for weeks sitting on the counter. “Oh my god, Brian!” You were careful putting your drink down but less careful as you turned around and practically flung yourself into him, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I can’t believe this!” 

Otis’ whole face was beet red and he was almost relieved that you were hugging him because then you couldn’t see it for yourself. Joe had told him that buying an ‘unnecessarily’ expensive espresso machine just because he was trying to impress you was not the answer. That maybe he should tell you that he liked you, ask you on a date, that sort of thing. But he wasn’t so sure he could live with the rejection. At least if he bought you a fancy coffee machine he could just play it off as doing something nice for the apartment.  

You finally pulled away from him, keeping him at arms length. “You have to show me how to actually use it. Or you’re going to have to be my personal barista for like, the rest of your life.”  

“Then next thing I know Molly’s will have an espresso machine.” He joked.  

“Oh no,” you grabbed your coffee back off the counter and took another sip, “my personal barista. You’ll have to tell Herrmann I don’t share.” You replied. “Seriously though Bri, this is the nicest gift anyone’s ever gotten me. I mean it’s not even my birthday.” 

“I just wanted to do something nice for you...you’re always doing nice stuff for me.” 

“Making you lunch does not equal this, this is...you’re the best, seriously. I’m so lucky to have you in my life.” You said, reaching for his hand and squeezing it. You stopped yourself short from telling him that you were lucky to have him as a friend although it was entirely true. You couldn’t bring yourself to only call him your friend when you knew he was so much more than that to you. 

Otis couldn’t help the smile that spread at your words and the look on your face. “Me too. Uh, I’m lucky too. To have you in my life.”  

He wanted to say more but as you moved away from him to inspect the different syrups he’d bought (because he had already silently vowed that he was going to figure out how to make all those fancy lattes you loved) he decided that for now, this was enough. Maybe he’d work up the courage to tell you how he really felt another day.  

[deathsmallcaps]

Okay so in the ‘You Look Lonely’ part from Blade Runner 2049, I always thought ‘you look like a good Joe’ meant that somewhere in the hive mind Joi probably existed as, a little bit of K’s Joi (KJ) still lived and recognized him as Joe. That some corner of that AI was aware enough to love someone*.

But I found a funny parody meme earlier and I was listening to the soundtrack** and because I needed to go to bed early I of course started obsessing over something. So I looked up some videos from scenes I wanted to rewatch and so on. You know, wiki-diving and other sleep destroying activities. Eventually, I felt the need to rewatch the whole ‘You look lonely scene’ after reading the Joi article twice and seeing no acknowledgement that my interpretation of the ad’s actions representing KJ’s love.

And yeah. I rewatched it twice, and with my new/renewed lore, it seemed less and less likely that my interpretation was canon? So yeah I looked it up and most people came to the opposite, and I now think more accurate, conclusion: that Ad Joi narratively served to show Joe that he wasn’t the special one here. That all her clients (?) were Joes, and that she was merely making him happy by agreeing with his dreams of being a non-replicant, a born human.

But also I find the name Joe in this context very interesting.

Joe is similar to John, which is slang for a person (though the term is usually for men) who solicits sex from a sex worker.

Then there’s Average Joe, meaning regular guy. K wants to be regular, just human, etc. And he’s never going to get that.

Joe is close to Joi in sound and spelling. Was there a male Joi? Is K perhaps the male Joi? She exists to live similarly to a Housewife trope, being cute and making a man happy. He exists as a 50s husband, tough and providing and ultimately achieving only contentment from his “wife’s” performance of comforting and acceptable behavior? Was KJ freed from that marriage, that dynamic, when she died***? Was K freed when she died to live more authentically. And of course the ‘wife’ had to die to free the action hero lol.

I’m sad to find out canon. But I’m curious if others also interpreted K and his Joi’s relationship this way. Idk. I was the kind of kid who watched Birdman (I was 12 I think) and it didn’t even occur to me that he did not fly. Of course he flew****.

In any case, I watched Blade Runner 2049 without seeing the original ***** so I bet that affects my interpretation. I’ve read/listened to other Philip K. Dick works by now and I’m sure I’d enjoy Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep. He has good stuff.

Anyway, it’s time for ME to count sheep. Yall can decide if they’re electric or not :)

Footnotes under readmore

*be it platonic and devoted or romantic, KJ certainly had me hoping (perhaps convinced? I loved the movie but never rewatched it fully because I think it was best on a big screen. And because sometimes rewatching something affects your enjoyment of it. Kind of like what happened here lmao.) that she was real and loved K.

**I love it. It’s kind of my go to for when I don’t know what to listen to and don’t feel like singing. Which covers most emotions from content to unhappy. When I’m happy I sing or occasionally listen to more joyous soundtracks, and when I’m really sad

***Now I’m thinking about the Ballad of Lucy Jordan by Marianne Faithfull. Excellent song I discovered from the Thelma and Louise movie (superb movie. You must see it)

**** It’s important to me that he flew.

***** Stepdad insisted we all go and I love the movies and didn’t really know there was a Blade Runner. I found out pretty much after the movie ended and I was excited and my stepdad was like “You know that was a sequel right?”. Anyway I will watch Blade Runner one day, but that ain’t today.

[midnightsslut]

would love to hear your thoughts on peter, or chloe or sam or sophia or marcus :) i’m having a tough time with those songs.. w peter idk where it fits in the album’s narrative? and with chloe et al i don’t understand the subject matter well i think. thanks in advance! and no pressure as always haha

hey! so the many names song and peter explore a similar storyline from different perspectives imo. the many names song is all about pining for someone you left, wondering if they want you back, and watching life go by as both of you still think about each other (or at least you hope the other person does). ‘just say I loved you the way that you were’ is such a painful line, because on the one hand, it would mean that person misses the original, more authentic version of the narrator before they felt the need to ‘change into goddesses, villains, and fools.’ that’s sweet, except that person clearly doesn’t exist anymore. does the subject of the song resent the narrator for changing? does the narrator resent him for wishing she hadn’t changed, or does she secretly long for that? I have no idea who the song is about (have entertained harry, matty, and joe lol), but I do think it’s likely that it takes place before the events of the main album. it’s very similar to fortnight, because it explores the possibility of the two of them forever longing for a love they can’t get back. obviously, the main album makes it clear that the love is regained, but this song comes before that narrative.

peter is actually clearer to me. I think it’s the final statement in the album about the breakup (imo with joe - feels wayyyy too tender to be about matty after the smallest man who ever lived), and it ties perfectly into the bolter. it’s an acknowledgment that the two people couldn’t have made it work no matter how hard they tried, because they were in different places in their life. she really tries to keep the light burning for him, but she ultimately realizes it won’t ever work, so she puts it out and ‘bolts’ again. the next song explains that bolting is all she’s ever done in her life, but she did everything she could not to bolt this time around, and it still didn’t work. perhaps she needed to escape after all! because she survived escaping, and she may not have survived if she had stayed. I’ll actually go lyric by lyric with that song in another ask because I’ve spent a long time analyzing it, unlike the many names song which. eh.

[megane-sama]

I want my last tumblr post for the year to be a kind of recap of my year in media. Sort of.

Noone asked but here are my top 3 books and top 3 mangas of 2023.

1. Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao.

This one honestly rewired my brain chemistry in the best ways possible because on God, bloodthirsty, traumatized, polyamourous bisexual revolutionaries is something that can be so personal to me. I can talk from now till tomorrow but I doubt I'll ever be able to fully explain how much I love this book so I won't bother, just know it's amazing. The sequel Heavenly Tyrant will be released in 2024 and y'all know I will be sat. Heavily recommend, read it if you haven't already or I will chew through your walls and devour your immortal soul :>

2. NOS4A2 by Joe Hill.

AHHHSHDHHNSN THIS BOOK...Had me practically enthralled actually, I didn't even notice the length because of how badly I was hooked, lined and sinkered. I loved how human the characters felt, they felt real so I felt a lot for them in return, also the "you get cool powers for the low low price of your own mindscape being stripped away" was fun. There is so much in here I loved, especially the running theme of love in itself, a flawed family that only keeps standing because it's filled with nothing but love, the love between Vic and Lou and Vic herself as a character too. Its filled with an array of amazing characters (except Charlie Manx and the Gasmask man, fuck them) and it flows so satisfyingly. So yeah I also recommend.

3. Confessions by Kanae Minato

Now I love a good revenge plot, especially when it chooses not to go down either the "I've done this so now what more do I have to live for" pipeline or even worse for me the "if I go through with this I become just as bad as you" one. Confessions really scratched that itch for me and it's presented in such a simplistic yet really well written manner, watching the web that slowly being spun and revealed as the plot progresses and when it finally comes together at the end and catches the fly, ohhh it's so satisfying. Also even tho the perpetrators in question were teenagers Yuko Moriguchi said fuck them kids and fuck you too and I think she's an icon for that. Also heavily recommend.

Honourable mention to The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky because it came really close to being in my top 3. It took me 8 months to finish and I'm pretty sure I didn't get most of it but I enjoyed it. There's so much in it to be enjoyed no matter what angle you're reading it from. Its not an easy read but honestly if you think you're up for it, go for it.

My worst book of the year however was The Stand by Stephen King. And for a book titled the Stand I really couldn't stand it, which kinda sucked because I'm a Stephen King fan but my God did I dislike a lot about the Stand. I won't say much but maybe I'm not white or Heterosexual enough to enjoy it idk and honestly if someone tells me it's their favourite SK book I'm going to assume they're either white, painfully straight or a liar.

Now for Manga.

1. Jigokuraku by Yuji Kaku.

Honestly this should come as a surprise to no-one. If you know me, you know I have a terrible case of Jigokuraku brain, like that shit is chronic, literally my fave shounen right next to Haikyuu and JoJo. But yeah I was Jgkrk obsessed yesterday, am Jgkrk obsessed today and I will be Jgkrk obsessed tomorrow.

2. Rosen Blood by Kachiru Ishizue.

Honestly it was everything I thought Diabolik Lovers would be (don't get me wrong I like DiaL but in a very messy, that's the kinda shit you watch from a distance reality TV way). I would lay down my life for Rosen Blood and all its Characters, especially Gilbert (beloved). It also made me want to read more Shoujo so we'll see how that goes in 2024.

3. MADK by Ryo Suzuri.

Honestly I have nothing to say about this except I'm sorry, the voices in my head won with this one. If you know, you know.

Honourable mention to Boys Run the Riot by Gaku Keito tho. Gotta be one of my favourite genders.

[palomahasenteredthechat]

Same anon that sent the long post and I have another one I'm sorry. Thank you for answering. I'm glad I explained myself okay, I was worried I was just going to sound entitled and rude. I just wanted to say that I was going to mention the Off Menu podcast but I decided to keep it Eddie related since that was my ultimate point and to mention it would require more explaining. Hence this long message. Basically yes I am one of those people that felt that way and I kept that to myself because everyone loved it. I don't want to ignite anything here about it because over time I have seen people mention this since it happened, but it was the picky eater comment for me. I know the internet tends to have this mindset lately that everything everyone says, is said with the worst possible intension. Like you say you like cats you must HATE dogs and you're being cancelled now for it. So I tried not to read into it, I really did. But he brought it up again in another interview after and then another just recently and to me that was him doubling down on his stance so I think it's fair for me to say he has thought about what he said and still agrees with it. Let's be real for a sec, I'm a picky eater. So of course this looks like I'm just butthurt and taking it personally. But I'm autistic. I can't help it. I have a brother that has it worse than me, he SUFFERS with ARFID. Yes, I know that Joseph probably wasn't including people like me or him in his statement. He doesn't need to preference everything he says with "obviously I'm not talking about people with disabilities, eating disorders etc" because he didn't indicate any disdain for those kinds of people specifically and no one should immediately be taking what he said in a negative light like that and assuming he's an asshole. However, again my own personal views, thoughts and feelings. People like myself subconsciously think before I speak "If I say this, could it offend or hurt anyone? Will it perpetuate and or make worse an already existing issue?" Of course everyone has moments where they don't realize what they're saying could be harmful. But, idk. Let me just paste the exact quote from the transcript here and see what we think about it: Joe Quinn Eat it, it's delicious, do you know what I mean? Or, 'Oh, I don't like fish.' But, it's clearly something psychological that they just need to-, get over it, eat it, it's good. Joseph. Some people DO have psychological issues with food. For myself it's certain textures. But to think that I had not just considered or tried to "get over it" is at the very least tone-deaf and at the worst, straight up ableist. 🤷‍♀️ I tried to rationalize it in my mind as him just venting, talking out his ass, whatever. But ultimately it made me realize that he is very privileged to be healthy and what he probably considers "normal" and I don't see him actually understanding that fact. Especially when he doubles down on it years later. He gives me "telling someone suffering with depression to get over it and smile more" vibes. It came off as pretentious, uninformed and to be honest just plain rude. I will also add that taking disabilities out of the equation he still failed to consider social classes, wealth and food availability. Would he tell an adult that grew up without access to fresh vegetables to just get over it and eat them because it annoys him that they won't? I don't claim to know. But my gut says yes.

I think it started off as his sense of humor, and maybe it was an in-joke with his friends, but as was discussed earlier, he seems to be 'leaning in' to the persona more.

The cilantro thing - 'I don't believe those people'; well then you don't have the gene that makes it taste like dish soap.

I have experience with food allergies, and I always take food preferences seriously, because unfortunately for some folks it's life and death.

[taylortruther]

My spicy/stupid/based on nothing take (lmao) is that although bejewled was mainly about calvin/other times in her life when she felt that way, I think it was a LITTLE joe as well - and I thought that way before joever and way before I ever though they'd ever break up! And it's from one stupid line - the "I can still say I don't remember". I'm convinced that Taylor and Joe had at least one, but maybe 2 or more breaks. Hits different can be interpreted as a break, but also I also felt that BBC lounge she did during lover was weirdly sad and like she talked about unconditional love and al this stuff and I always wondered later if they were on a break. AND THEN when he didn't show up to Eras and they broke up a bit later, I wondered if maybe they broke up before Eras but didn't make it public because they had been known to break up and get back together. So...she "doesn't remember" if she has a boyfriend because they go on breaks.

Anyway, I think this is very far-fetched but it's always something I've had rattling around my brain. (Also, I think IFYE is about Calvin, kane...and karlie. I said it lmao. Just anyone she thought she couldn't survive without the approval from)

most of these thoughts have crossed my mind as well so ty for articulating them!! i admit that bf line definitely gives me pause now, and it didn't so much at the time, so i'm glad you brought it up.

and as @it-feels-like-a-perfect-night said in the notes earlier, all the discussion about gray areas/possible cheating-adjacent behavior (like the bejeweled line) brings to mind a ross and rachel "we were on a break!" situation, which is something to consider idk.

[bisluthq]

I think the whole point is that Taylor’s lyrics create contradictions because they’re song lyrics. It’s art, it’s dramatized, it’s embellished. You can’t take song lyrics and use them to make actual real statements about real people and their very real issues. Because when you do that, you basically have to end up picking and choosing what you want to draw from art since a lot of contradicts things. You say Taylor only popped off about Matty on Question…? and TTPD, but Taylor literally got up onstage and said Cardigan was about Matty. And seemingly tied Maroon to him and implied other songs on Folklore/Evermore were also about him, at least in some way. So that would be more than one album, if you take what she’s saying at face value and then it would be a lot more eyebrow raising. But does that mean she was seriously thinking about him that seriously? No, she was embellishing for art because it’s a good artistic storyline. Just like anything else in her music, she has an artistic license to embellish. Saying “sometimes I think other girls really want Joe because he’s such a gorgeous London boy but also I’m not that worried because he always comes right home to me and it’s not a big deal and also I sometimes think about other guys too but again it’s not a big deal because I still come home to Joe” is kinda like….okay and? Like that’s boring, just typical relationship stuff. Not that interesting in a song. So instead, she dramatizes it. As she has the right to do so. But that artistic, dramatic version of events is just that.

I literally - and I am not trying to be rude - don’t understand what you’re saying.

of course she dramatizes stuff. However, when writing autobiographically, she dramatizes real emotions. She felt jealousy around Joe since Rep songs (possibly because of how they got together and then it just didn’t fully dissipate). Also she was really into Matty lol and clearly had (and imo has, again not in a Maylor way) unfinished business with him.

She dedicated cardigan to him, and as she should have because it fit their story perfectly at that point???? Must’ve felt surreal (same as fallingforyou even existing must’ve felt wacky). But like she’s dedicated a bunch of songs to a bunch of guys. Lover has had, at this point, three whole ass separate daddies lmao. She used OOTW (which she wrote before she met Matty) as an interpolation for a Matty song because she likes that melody, the anxiety theme fit, and also like it was that same period of time idk all her thought processes.

No, she didn’t spend ten years pining for Matty but she did have unresolved things with him (and realistically still does because she’s all hatey hatey now but the opposite of love’s indifference, as The Lumineers so eloquently put it, and idk that she’s indifferent). So yes she exaggerated those unresolved feelings and also she felt a LOT like at that point??? And it all felt destined and shit idk?? And no she didn’t spend six and a half years freaking out every day about Joe cheating but she didn’t completely trust him (evidently)??

I’m so confused as to what we’re even discussing/debating??