#but idk if that'll be long enough
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blue-hi · 1 year ago
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i'm in a class about argument and persuasion and i have to write a 2000* word paper on any topic but it has to be an argument for one position or another. i've suddenly never had an opinion in my life. please help
*it's 3 papers actually. 2 are 1000–1500 words and the third is an extension of one of them to 2000–3000 words
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scintillating-scales · 1 month ago
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Dude I need claws SO bad. Except I need prosthetics to be really sturdy, so I can actually like. Use them for shit. Like I wanna be able to wear them to help me climb or claw at stuff or whatever I need them for. But people only make like plastic or foam or resin claws. It's not STRONG enough. I need like. IRON claws. STEEL claws. Claws I can climb trees and rock faces with. Claws that could kill a man if I wanted them to. It's a fucking TRAGEDY these aren't a thing, and I swear to God I'm about to learn metalworking just so I can make myself a suitable set.
Edit: someone actually made me some 👀 he's open for commission if anyone wants their own set. Check the RBs for my post !!
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helioxed · 4 months ago
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Ultratober days 4-7: most epic battle + favorite otp
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ohmytiredheart · 9 months ago
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It's uncanny how much the FNAF lore actually makes sense if you look at it through the eyes of TMA
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arttsuka · 2 months ago
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You don't have to draw all the requests sent your way! As you get more popular (and you will because your art is good) that will become literally impossible to do. I promise you not a single art blog answers every single ask.
But, but I HAVE to you don't understand :( the pressure is killing me, I don't want to disappoint people
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luifaro · 15 days ago
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man i hate roblox roleplays that start off as silly little jokes that become more serious because i have a little guy now. a little siffrin variant but their lore is STUPID because when they were born (aka undied) we were still in the jokey phase so literal nonsense happened and i don't KNOW what to do... curse you stardust and your honestly exciting idea. so basically loop turns back into siffrin and siffrin turns into loop.
"but what's so stupid about that, tumblr user louie far o?"
it'll make less sense in context so here!!!!! (note really long and rambly + prolly makes no sense i'm so sorry)
ok you know how loops like a loser or something (idk i didn't play the prologue yet i'm mostly basing this off tumblr osmosis and how i roleplayed them don't kill me!!!!!!!) who ruins everything? WHAT IF absolutely crazy shit happened to them!!!!!
so to start off loop ended up meeting a siffrin they were fairly sure was the real one and fondly nickname them sleepyfrin because they look tired. they also meet hatfrin (sleepyfrin doesn't have their hat, hatfrin does) but don't like hatfrin as much as they like sleepyfrin (loop finds hatfrin annoying), so sleepyfrin's their favorite siffrin variant!!!!
anyway loop and bonnie end up egging the two siffrins on and trying to get them to fight, though of course sleepyfrin doesn't want to because he has like. morals or something boring like that. hatfrin's eager though!!!!
left loop and right loop (sits on the left side of the favor tree) (my loop sits on the right because i was stupid and forgot they sit on the left) end up beefing though i don't remember why (i think it was just a simple "there can be only one" thing but not entirely sure) the stars are fighting man. left loop and right loop are both trying to cook each other... bonnie gets popcorn and shares some with right loop (they absorb it??? idk they still don't have a mouth)
sleepyfrin sadly DIIIEES because they ate pineapple (left loop made them food that contained PINEAPPLE!!!!!) but hatfrin didn't (right loop also didn't because they don't have a mouth)
a little after that, bonnie also got hatfrin some pineapples and they and right loop basically guilt-trip hatfrin into eating it even though loop knew it'd kill him and then he loops, proving that HE'S the real siffrin. (right loop is not happy.)
they like. died because left loop built a BOMB to KILL right loop!!!!! (had glue so they couldn't get it off their hands.) they're told to defuse it but it doesn't really work out like that because the bomb would be very difficult if not impossible to defuse. the bomb EXPLODES so loop their little stardust DIIIE. (they were standing in the blast radius when it went off but on a good note so was sleepyfrin's ghost, so they undie because in this canon ghosts getting killed again makes them undie)
hatfrin loops again but loop is still dead (and now a ghost)
and then loop undies (something about how killing ghosts brings them back to life.) but this makes loop turn into siffrin and siffrin (formerly hatfrin) is turned into loop. this is a confusing predicament as there are already a couple other siffrins (just sleepyfrin at the time but confusedfrin also appears later on) (sleepyfrin's called that cause loop noticed they look tired)
sleepyfrin is ofc CONFUSED about what just happened. loopfrin tells sleepy to not look and that it'll make sense if they don't so they're like "ok." and he turns away for a bit. sifloop suggests that loopfrin pretends to be hatfrin and tells them where to find his hat (it's in the clocktower)
so yeah loopfrin just kinda skedaddles to go steal that hat. they return and sleepyfrin turns back to look at them and is like "what took you so long" (something like that i think) and loopfrin just kinda admits what actually happened, though it's kind of confusing.
so loopfrin renames themself stardust to not be confused with anyone else (but they'll still call other siffrins stardust so it's still very confusing. "Stardust!" vs ", stardust!") at some point confusedfrin appears (can't entirely remember how i think they were just also under the tree?) and they get the nickname confusedfrin because they were very confused at the time about what was going on. after confusedfrin appears the three siffrins aren't sure about what to do (mostly sleepyfrin) but then stardust gets a plan (totally not inspired by the one thing where siffrin and loop swap out every now and again) where the idea is they'll all pretend to be the same siffrin and interact with the party one at a time. stardust goes out first since the other two would rather not.
sifloop follows them. they meet bonnie and they come up with a story about how loop (actually sifloop) is a wish star that fell out of the sky and that they're going to help them get back up there and bonnie's like woaaw. skip a bit (i forgot part before this) and wowza it's mirabell!!!! stardust meets mirabelle and ends up accidentally spilling the beans about being in a timeloop (tldr got confused and thought mirabelle wasn't joking when she said she was trapped in a timeloop so they blabbed thinking they were both trapped and just never said anything to each other) and they feel so BAD and STUPID they RUN BACK to the favor tree and climb to the top where all they're friends are and start crying and freaking out cause they think they RUINED IT and that everyone knows now!!!!!!!!!
other frins try to comfort stardust but it doesn't quite work and at sifloop's suggestion they impulsively decide to run off to the clocktower to run away from their problems a bit. other siffrins chased them i think. they end up in the clocktower and i sadly miss the next part because i went afk but before the part i missed, it turns out isa and bonnie were downstairs and UH OH this is bad!!!!!!! stardust starts panicking and insulting themself because this was a STUPID IDEA and they're FUCKED NOW.
sifloop tells them to QUIET DOWN so the nerds downstairs won't hear them and they try to quieet doown... but end up having to hide anyway because skill issue. so stardust, sleepyfrin, and confusedfrin all end up HIDING and luckily aren't seen?? sadly then i miss a part but from what i saw i think confusedfrin and sifloop were arguing about something. stardust feels like. very terrible about everything and doesn't want to come outta the closet (they were hiding in there). sleepyfrin tries to talk to them but they won't respond, so confusedfrin talks to em and lets them know that they won't leave them behind. yk yk the whole moment is very sweet. (conversation went like this basically: "i'm so STUPID and RUINED EVERYTHING." "ok but i don't think anyone else would've known what to do in this situation." "why not just leave me behind?" "stardust listen. no matter what, we aren't leaving you behind.") stardust reluctantly accepts that confusedfrin just isn't gonna give up on them and decides they have to come out then.
yay the siffrin trio is BACK BABY!!!!!!!!! they come up with a new plan which is to basically pretend they're loop's guardians or something and they just happen to look like siffrin. they go downstairs and try it out!!! stardust gets to show off their charisma and stands on the table because they're cool. once they're done distracting isa and bonnie they RUUUUUUUUNN ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE FAVOR TREE!!!!!
stardust remarks that running from their problems has NEVER felt better and that they should do it more often! sleepyfrin and confusedfrin end up climbing to the top of the favor tree again and they have a conversation, though stardust isn't really paying attention at this point. sifloop suggests they just loop back but yk... they sadly can't because they techincally aren't siffrin. this reveal results in sifloop having an IDEA.... if stardust can't reset despite having physically become siffrin, perhaps sifloop can STILL loop despite being loop. but how to test it out? for a moment stardust forgets they have a dagger, that is, until sifloop reminds them of it. (first suggestion was to feed them pineapple like the first time stardust KILLED sifloop but they don't realize in the moment that it was a reference. dw they'll reference it again later and stardust will realize.) stardust stabs sifloop until they die, resulting in all the siffrins looping back to the meadow (but notably stardust is still a siffrin and sifloop is still loop.)
stardust wakes up in the meadow to have sleepyfrin tease them a bit about being a little sleepyhead, saying they should've been named sleepyfrin instead. as revenge, stardust makes fun of sleepy moments later when they get confused and says maybe they should've been named confusedfrin instead. sleepyfrin talks to stardust a bit about how they're upset they looped without warning the others (and also a little because they stabbed sifloop). they come to an agreement, that being that they'll ask the other siffrins before looping next time. sifloop on the other hand, is off talking to The Horrors (Mal Du Pays). no one properly recognizes mal du pays but stardust gets a little concerned cause mal seems aggressive and could be attacking sifloop. luckily for them, they get to avoid having a confrontation because mal du pays leaves. that is, until sifloop starts a SEARCH mission for them!!!!!!!
confusedfrin (as their namesake suggests), is a little confused about what happened both in and out of character (was afk dw we told em the LORE..) sleepy and confused end up following after stardust and sifloop for a bit before they'd end up searching the clocktower for mal du pays (sifloop saw them in the corner earlier) since sleepy and confused get the bright idea to just. not. and take a break so they can continue the conversation they were having before stardust RUDELY looped.
stardust notices they're gone and starts trying to look for them. they end up correctly guessing that they're back at the clocktower. stardust doesn't realize they were avoiding them and sifloop so no worries! they talk for a bit, stardust and sifloop have a convo where they reveal they no longer hate hatfrin (sifloop) and that they don't really have a favorite siffrin anymore cause they're all their friends now!!!! in this time sleepyfrin comes up with the idea of them having their own parties with a separate captain. sleepy and sifloop are one team, and stardust and confusedfrin are the other. stardust, being the captain of their party, decide that their party will buy sleepy and sifloop time by distracting anyone who were to discover team confusedstars, making it clear that if they're running away, sleepyloop better run.
uh oh Mal Du Pays at four'o clock!!!!!! sleepyfrin approaches mal and tries to free them. in return, they whisk em away to the void while traumatizing them with the voices of their party!! and NOT JUST them either, because poor stardust heard it too. the sound mal du pays made terrifies them so much they run all the way back to the favor tree again, confusedfrin chasing after them.
they're in full panic mode this time. they can't stop laughing, something's so funny they can't stand it. they let It take sleepyfrin. they let it take sleepyfrin. they let- oh heeeyyyy it's confusedfrin!!! they found stardust! yeeah stardust is not looking too good. confusedfrin tries telling stardust to calm down but YEEAH THAT DOESN'T HELP. HOW ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO CALM DOWN??? confusedfrin tells them to breathe. they're panting like a dog boiling in the sun. sifloop also tries telling them to calm down. they end up YELLLIING. CALM DOWN??? HOW ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO CALM DOWN? SLEEPYFRIN IS DEAD BECAUSE OF THEM! THEY KILLED SLEEPYFRIN! THEY'RE GONE!
sifloop: vro literally just loop. oh right they forgot they could try that. they're unsure though. would sleepyfrin WANT them to loop? should they really? what if it doesn't work? they consult their friends and come to a decision. they'll try out looping again.
wooo!!!!!!!!!!!! the wicked BEAST is GONE! sleepyfrin is BACK BABY!!!!!!! sleepy's kind of confused since once moment they were in the terror void and the next they're suddenly in the meadow again. stardust sees him and IMMEDIATELY rushes the poor guy and HUUUGGGG!!!!!!! they're so happy he's ok they're so glad sleepyfrin is back . in fact they're so glad they actually SCREAMED "SLEEPYFRIN!!!!!!!" when they saw them instead of calling them stardust. sifloop teases them ("when are you going to kiss?") and all the sentimentality is OVER. no more hugs. this is because stardust loves teasing but hates being teased.
and that's it... the... END.
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eastofedean · 4 months ago
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kinda sucks that fall is such a weird time in my life. same for winter tbh. getting closer and closer to my birthday also doesn't help because I feel like I'm walking in circles
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draconic-distress · 2 years ago
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pkmn ship week Days 1 and 2, Confession and Swap! i forgor this started on the 4th so i speedran these but they're not terrible at least :/
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#so i survived my 1st week as a phd student. it's interesting. im not sure how i feel#the negatives are that i forgot how much stress being around people causes me. as a research assistant i was able to be on my own schedule#and go into the lab at odd hours so i never had to see anyone. but now im in classes and teaching and have a shared office#classes are tolerable stress wise so long as im sitting on an edge. i only feel a lil like im dying. teaching makes nauseous beforehand.#which is odd bc im not really worried while im doing it or before im doing it. i thibk its just that i have to interact ans i kno im a#mediocre teacher bc id rather die than do the back and forth of asking questions and u should teach interactively#i like to break down complex idea and help people with problems but i was not build to teach in classrooms. i get knocked off points when#i give class presentations bc i cant make eye contact lol. so that'll b annoying this semester. and its just so hard to function in an#office space. idk its weird like i dont even feel it that much while im there its just like a flashing *i need to leave* alarm. and then#when im alone its like a physical weight off of me. and i cant tell if thats what's draining my energy or if ive just cycled into a low#energy lul bc im just like. i wanna sleep. and for me thats always a sign that somethings wrong. i dont feel that bad mood wise but its#like there's a rock weighing me down as im trying to tread water. so those r the big negatives. the positives r that#i do enjoy being back in school. i love the structure of it. but im also self destructive abt structure so well see how it goes. but my#lab mates seem nice as does my advisor. i feel a bit bad bc ill have to learn genome stuff from the ground up. and today i was trying to#convey ideas to him like an insane person. bc i dont have enough background to talk fluidly abt my prospective project and i have a picture#of what i mean but not all the details. hopefully i made some sense. i think the idea is cool. and thats the other really positive thing.#the papers i have to read associated with this project r waaaaaaaaaay more interesting than anything i ever had to read for my masters. like#they're the types of papers i would force other ppl to read for lab meetings. so im optimistic abt not hating it by the end haha#yay for being excited abt science. but i guess thats the other thing i feel bad abt. like im interested but haven't read a lot to prep bc#i cant express how difficult dyslexia makes things but also i cant control how interested in things i get so i bassically banned myself#from reading papers im actually interested in like 3 years ago bc in retrospect i was prob going thru a hypomanic episode#and i was like reading papers abt microbes in Antarctica all day and not working on my stuff. and i just remember walking into the lab at#like 5am to trasfer alage with tears streaming down my face bc i was just like. i cant have this nice thing and b functional. it has to stop#so i just created this weird barrier in my mind where im not allowed to read fun papers. so its odd to b reading them now for work. its odd#also i was walking to my office worring abt things and then i saw some moss growinf around the edge of the sidewalk and it made me wanna cry#bc i am an extremely normal individual. i have normal feelings abt photosynthesis. but anyway yeah. its been interesting#hopefully ill stay optimistic. next week we have a orientation for new grad students. and i might have to drive like an hr away. hate that#the driving i mean. not the orientation. that should b fun#unrelated
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anacatalog · 1 year ago
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gotta love it when the urge to resume making animatics which i've been holding back for 2 years springs back at me at the time of year when i need my brain cells the most
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the-kipsabian · 1 year ago
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because today wasnt difficult enough to deal with already, paypal is now asking me to confirm my identity 🫠
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running-in-the-dark · 2 years ago
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I've never had an easel, mostly because I never really needed one until I started using acrylics, but I finally bought one for the first time! it's just a used table easel but I think that'll definitely be enough for now.
this has been the slowest buying process ever though lol. I first messaged this person two weeks ago, and now she's not at home until next week so I have to wait even longer until she can ship it.
on the one hand that's pretty frustrating (I want it now!!! 😭), but on the other I'm trying to stop spending money impulsively, and this has given me more than enough time to consider if I really need it. I also waited several months and sold a couple things specifically to buy it, so I think that's definitely progress. I just hope I'll actually use it as much as I'd like to.
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skrunksthatwunk · 2 years ago
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pulled aside by my father to watch a homophobic k&p sketch and just had to sit there like 😬 and then when i explained it was homophobic he was like "i fear for your sense of humor". christ alive
#look idk anything about k&p maybe they've gotten better. not the point#it's the one where there's a pop duo singing a love song to a crowd of women and one of them keeps coming onto the other guy despite him#being obviously uncomfortable for like. two minutes. and then when the queer guy gets too into it and starts singing about the other#artist's bald head he backpedals and starts singing about being cartoonishly straight#thats the whole thing#the joke is 1. gay guy can't catch a hint and makes straight guy uncomfortable by hitting on him or expressing interest in him#(classic homophobic joke. probably don't need to explain that)#2. when everyone realizes what's going on gay guy stumbles back into the closet in an over the top way#and when i pointed out point 1 to my dad he was like 'i fear for your sense of humor'#im gonna shit bricks#[father's first name] [father's last name] be fucking normal for one second challenge (possible but he's a proud asshole so he won't do it)#i spent so long haha yeahing my problems with what they did away that now whenever i challenge them even slightly and see that they#will not reflect and will not change it's wild. i explained why this was homophobic (less clearly than here but still) and he was like. :/#youre no fun. like ok i actually tried and it Is That Bad. sheeshhhh#the answer is probably to keep trying until they get it bc they think they like queer people but that's. a lot.#(they in this case = my parents. just switched into a broader rant without warning my b)#he rewound it when my mom came out and when it seemed like i was gonna leave too so like... idk what that was about but it feels very#'now that our gay kid's out of the room. cishet wife with a similar sense of humor to me do you think this is homophobic?' to me#and hey maybe that'll be productive and reflective but uh. historically speaking? probably not.#i feel like im not doing enough to make them less shitty or at leaat to stick up for me n my brothers so i gotta keep going and doing more#and theyre not the worst people ever really. so i should do my part so to speak. but man it fucking blows is all#they're so annoyingggg#also why does he talk like that who does that. i mean. i do. but it's bad when he does it#and they ARE capable of change. i had to argue for trans people existing years ago and now they act like that never happened#(granted i was arguing from a cis transmedicalist perspective back then but like. still. (i have grown since age 13 if you can believe it))#so theyre pro trans in a superficial kinda way. which is something. i just wish they'd acknowledge that they were wrong literally ever#it's happened once that i can think of. twas my dad#theyre like emotional and ideological brick walls it's insane#ugh. god gives his most frustrating softcore bigoted parents to his swaggiest gay transsexuals i guess#man what a post to be making soon after the daig o one. what a coincidence that that post materialized with no influence from my life haha
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malusrecord · 27 days ago
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((In all seriousness the urge to just change everything back to being centered around Danny is a constant thing---it has been ever since day 1 of making this blog---and it always will be. Maybe one day.))
#;;ooc: mun muttering#I've been shown time and time again it doesn't matter what I do or who I showcase tbh; it all ends up the same#plus having Heis at front (whom I love just as much as Danny and have put as much work into; Blair can attest)#has attracted people that I don't vibe with for various reasons; I'd forgotten how bad and shallow the r/e r/pc is#and Danny ......well .... y'all know; If you know me and have been around long enough you know#I still maintain (and am proud of myself) for recognizing and taking the space I needed#the change was necessary and I don't resent that whatsoever; no matter how dead my blogs are#but oh my god; Danny; the way he fuckin changed the trajectory of my writing and etc uhhggggg#I still have the alex url; I snagged it when I moved (yeah I love all of my urls fight me)#and while I can't comm anyone for a whole new.... everything.....it is still on my mind#I just don't want to seem like I'm backpedaling you know? it's complicated to say the least#it was such a horrible and draining experience y'all have no idea; but I still look upon my work#I'm just gonna try to focus on actually writing and see what comes to mind about all of this.... I'm just nattering#like I could do it .... I could#I could keep this url potentially and just..... change things#man idk there's only one person who cares about my Heis ( and 3 at most for everything I do; Danny included) so idk what to do#maybe I'll talk to Blair; thay really helped me when setting this blog up in the first place#plus I still have my main; although that's a struggle in it's own way#ughhhh fuck I don't know#I also have another url saved but I know that'll be a fuckin dud and is just for me fffffff#.... this is becoming more negative I'm gonna stop and refocus gdgffd
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silvermeww · 7 months ago
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officially (basically) finished my first watchthrough of the pokemon anime
(ignoring 3 movies but listen-)
i have to say i'm pretty surprised, considering how i expected to finish the whole thing in a year (and that was hopeful, looking at 1000+ eps and me with my limited time and focus lol), but hey! it took me 6 months and a half, start to end plus most movies and some side series (i'm not watching those pikachu shorts even if you paid me).
and what a journey it has been.
just watching all of ash's journey, from overconfident rookie with no clue about the outside world, to world champ who has travelled to 8 regions. having went from one stubborn electric mouse that didn't care about him to a good 90 pokemon. started with his mother being his only supporter to so many friends and rivals holding their breath, watching in anticipation of his last move (and giving him help along his road to the world championships, and congratulations at the end). it was a beautiful road, full of hidden treasures and bumps and tough times and rough times, but in the end he made it through! he finally became a champion of a region he loved with all of his heart, and carried that love and experience from all of his journeys to the world stage and pulled it off.
it took everything, and nothing was left to waste, and he did it. and man, if that isn't inspirational, than what is? sure, nothing is perfect, even the actual anime itself, and i can argue and point those out for a good long while, but at least for today i want to be happy. it's a good day, a pretty lucky day if you look at the Friday the 12th thing, and i had a great time watching this as blind as i can (with something as big as pokemon, you can never be fully blind unless you watched it while it was airing lol). had lots of laughs, angry screeching, pointing at screen in shock/surprise, nodding in agreement, and quite a few tears, but my original run is pretty much finito. i might try to watch the whole thing in sub and jot down notes for future fics, but in the meantime it has been stunning, amazing, spectacular. loved everyone and everything, yes even the bad, because in the end there are infinite possibilities, and it really is up to you where you find your future.
(but seriously, can you believe this all started bc he woke up late? talk about the pen problem heh)
what else can i say? it's been a great ride. there are no spoilers that can hurt me (except horizons, but i'll see how that goes). i can finally rank all seasons whenever and whatever, and for the most part i know most pokemon know (but not numbers, pls i'm not a computer). many fun times ahead, and for once i finished something very big very quickly without much regrets. a good series, a great show, and something i can get behind, once i got the momentum. live, love, laugh and idk catch them all <3
#idk man i just wanted to do(tm) something#and i'm super sad yet satisfied with the end#it makes sense y'know?#the story had to end but you know he'll keep going#and that's good enough for me#everyone that we know will keep going and that's life#they'll meet and talk and have fun and leave#but they'll always be in each others hearts and minds#and hey i mean ash has a phone now#for as long as he can keep it out of harms way lol#so they know where to get him even if they don't#i mean the whole thing is just about life and the paths you take#some of us have big dreams that'll take a while#some of us have small ones that will last forever#some of us will keep striving for improvement#and some of us will take small steps for the rest of our life#and others still will change their dreams#and some will use smaller dreams to accomplish the bigger ones#you can refocus or take a break or go for broke#there are so many ways to live life and i can't believe what ppl call a 'kids' show can say it so loud and clear#just.. pls if you can just watch pokeani#who cares about the games? who cares about the cool factor?#i mean who even cares about inaccuracies in the show itself?#it's beautiful and charming and it ropes you in#humor off the charts. can turn you into a faucet. teaches you life lessons like you're five#(and you will feel five with the wonder it will inspire)#idk it helped me tons with where i am today so i might as well give it forward#i forgot my pkmn tag for my watchthrough but yeah!!#silver.exe#my pkmn journey
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kindacreepy-kindaugly · 8 months ago
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#he doesn't wanna acknowledge it but I think he really is tryin to rationalize somethin that happened to him not just the rest of us#i mean ofc in the physical sense it's the same anyway n it was before either one of us existed but#i........didn't think there was smth that he actually emotionally connects to like that#cause he's only ever mentioned 'what happened to us' as an entity that doesn't include him#n i guess i didn't wanna think someone who's been through that would go on to do it to someone else#but i mean i guess it makes sense#why he's so hell bent on ignoring the moral side of it. whatever happened did cause he wasn't strong enough to stop it#n the only way to keep himself from becomin a victim again is to always be the perpetrator instead#survival of the fittest#if you couldn't stop it you deserved it cause whoever's the strongest makes the rules#is that easier to accept than somethin just being _wrong_ n happening anyway? maybe#how the fuck do we unpack it though#it rly shouldn't be me it should be someone he can't coerce into takin part in his fucked up defense mechanisms but#but. idk. don't know how to go about buildin a rapport w/ him#especially cause if it's someone he can't physically intimidate he'll probably feel too vulnerable n just go full defense mode instead#i think someone he doesn't see as a threat but he can't manipulate either is.....pretty mutually exclusive#i.....wonder if he can't feel safe cause as long as he can do it to me it also means someone else could do it to him#it don't rly work like that cause it's cause of emotional manipulation now but. also.#maybe he doesn't consider himself as immune to that as we thought he did#he does have a pretty messed up understanding of things like autonomy n consent even wrt himself#if it doesn't go outside the role he plays n someone initiates i don't think he feels like it's up to him. it's just expected.#we've tried to get him to understand no one's gonna hurt him here. the worst that'll happen is bein restrained if he goes after someone else#which probably fucks w/ him even more cause he has no choice but to go along w/ it or be made to cooperate but#it's only when he's an active threat. it's self defense.#i think i'm onto something here cause rn sayin it'll only happen if he tries to hurt someone feels.....the same as shit like#this is only happening cause you're makin me do it#you wouldn't get hurt if you just did what you're told#all the. all the shit he's always tellin me to dodge accountability n make me feel like it's my own fault#goddamn fucking hell our psych literally just started her summer break it's over a month til our next appointment#spdrvent
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