baumarius

[baumarius]

Living As Alterhuman: Passion and Convinction.

As discussed by @baumarius the following is an explanation and description of how I feel about my alter humanity.

I'll be referring to level 3 of your 3 level framework, or the “so what” of being alterhuman. How it impacts me, how much I care, whether my expression is limited by my environment.

To start, I pursued psychology aggressively. I studied it for 5 years in preparation for university. This was before I knew that the label of alterhuman existed. I was searching for the nameless thing I knew to be wrong with me. Seeking answers to why I felt so twisted and shameful inside. Why I had strange thoughts, struggled with my self worth, and could never fit in among my peers. I learned a lot from psychology, and started therapy during those 5 years.

I also learned that I was a werewolf. An alterhuman. At least partly as a result of exactly those feelings I was seeking to understand. My place in this community was a huge piece of the puzzle.

So, how do I feel about it? What does it mean to me?

Peace mostly. Acceptance. A means to love myself more completely. A way to understand and accept the parts of myself I spent a lifetime pushing away. It gives me confidence. Makes me feel at home in my skin.

It definitely changes the way I view myself in relation to human society. I've always felt a bit like an outsider, and felt the pressure to socialise more. To conform. To be liked by my peers. It bothers me less now, knowing that I have a good reason to feel a little estranged. I don't exactly fit in most humans' view of the world, whether it's psychologically or behaviourally. Of course that makes friendship all the more valuable. The people, both human and not, who choose to understand or at least accept me as I am.

It can absolutely be hard at times, not being understood. Having to swallow my instincts so I can go unnoticed. Or worse, having to wrestle with my prey drive while in public. The separation that exists between me and humanity is both a blessing and a curse, to some extent. These days though I lean more towards it being a blessing.

I haven't made any drastic life decisions around my alterhumanity. Although it does have a place in my relationships, and my work life as an artist. I'm currently a member of a wildlife group, the largest one in my country, and I'm looking forward to getting involved in some of their projects. Protecting and caring for the ecosystem is part of being alterhuman for me. It's why I garden, and why I immerse myself in the woods at every opportunity. I'm not religious, so the woods are as close as I get to any holy ground.

I wouldn't describe myself as passionate about my alterhumanity. I'm invested in building a life where I can express it authentically, and I'm clearly motivated to share and talk about my experiences here. But It's not exactly coming from a place of passion. It's more a place of comfort. I feel comfortable in what I am, and want to continue to be comfortable. Hence my choice of friends and my criteria for where I want to live.

It's all very practical I suppose.

I'm predominantly interested in building habits, structures, and systems that will allow me to be myself. Access to nature, the privacy and freedom to celebrate the full moon as I choose, the ability to channel my experiences into my work, being able to vocalise and be authentic around friends, even publicly wearing stuff like pins and collars- or painting my nails. Practical ways that I can express my identity and continue to exist largely unhindered.

It’s what I'm working towards right now. After three years of pursuing this bachelor's degree, I'll pivot into making art full time. Figure out how to save for a place to live somewhere out near the trees. Carve out the time to pick back up my interest in ecology, and maybe do some activism in that area. My goals have been extremely clear cut for the last few years. After a long time being unable to envision a future for myself, I'm more than determined to see this through.

More than anything, I'll chase this dream of an integrated life. Even if I fail, I'll know it wasn't for lack of trying.

So I guess THAT'S my conviction.

The will to live, as I am.

You ask, at one point, what this would all look like in an ideal world. To tell you the truth, I'm not entirely sure. I've spent most of my time since joining the community, focusing on “realistic” methods of integration. Essentially all the things I mentioned earlier. I think my ideal world is still very possible. I don't particularly want to share the details of my alterhumanity with strangers, so public acceptance doesn't concern me.

I suppose my most far fetched desire is for an offline community of alterhumans in my area. Everything else I can attain simply by working for it, learning skills or amassing funds. But I can't spontaneously generate alterhumans nearby. I’ve only met one other, and it was by coincidence. There is a vast gulf between the digital and physical spaces. Online, information and possibilities for connection are rampant. In person, not so much. Being public about that kind of thing is too big of a risk for most. The privacy that protects us also keeps us separated.

Again though, my ideal world is largely attainable. Time in nature, channeling myself into my work, getting fangs, finding people I can express myself around, all very achievable. I think that's important to acknowledge, because a lot of us feel like a comfortable or authentic life is beyond our reach. It may not be perfect in every way. There are going to be times where human responsibilities come up unexpectedly and encroach on my freedom. But it's still a life worth pursuing.

A huge thank you to @zith-ipeth , @beastlybardou , and @dovspeaksbeast for sharing their own journeys and visions of the future. I still consider myself new to the community, but so much of it is having others to look to and learn from. Thank you all.

[baumarius]

By Donald B. Grall

[baumarius]

My life lately has been:

Attempting to survive

Dealing with a roommate who doesn't respect how much existence actually costs me

Abdominal pain

Occasional screaming streaming

Staring into the void

Trying to get my debt under control so I can start working on my games

With all the political, financial, and social bullshit lately, my shifts have been rather muted and infrequent. I hate it. Sometimes it's hard to find the silver lining in things, but I'm still trying.

Now that winter is here it should be much easier to shift, though. Something about the cold, the snow, and the silence... that tends to bring it all to the surface.

[baumarius]

[baumarius]

I named him Jimothy

IT'S IN MY CAR NOW Y'ALL

HELP

[baumarius]

True love is an act of defiance.

Against all odds, in spite of fear, regardless of the repercussions, and in the face of death. The reality is that what's coming may put us all to the test, but if we stand together, we won't fall. So hold the line and don't be afraid. Be proud and live and love like you fucking mean it.

Hi all! I'm sure you've heard the news lately and are aware of what this means - both for the US and for the planet. I want to offer you some words of encouragement.

I won't stop fighting for what I believe in, even if it kills me. Even if the world is looking bleak. Even if it's futile and my efforts will be in vain. I'm here to express myself, connect with whoever I can, learn all that I can, and to take that with me wherever and whenever I go. Death will not stop me.

You're not alone. You may feel the pull to withdraw and disconnect, and that's normal. Take care of yourself, first and foremost. And know that community is one of the most important things for us to maintain, as well as the values that unite us toward a future where harmless self-expression is free and safe to do so. If you believe in that too, you will always have a safe place in my community. Always.

May love win in these coming times.

My Discord is open: https://discord.gg/4MkdmuyreZ Listen to Starlight Telepath, my latest album! Instrumental therian music, by a therian ^^

(Art by SheilaGrace)

[baumarius]

Hi all! I'm sure you've heard the news lately and are aware of what this means - both for the US and for the planet. I want to offer you some words of encouragement.

I won't stop fighting for what I believe in, even if it kills me. Even if the world is looking bleak. Even if it's futile and my efforts will be in vain. I'm here to express myself, connect with whoever I can, learn all that I can, and to take that with me wherever and whenever I go. Death will not stop me.

You're not alone. You may feel the pull to withdraw and disconnect, and that's normal. Take care of yourself, first and foremost. And know that community is one of the most important things for us to maintain, as well as the values that unite us toward a future where harmless self-expression is free and safe to do so. If you believe in that too, you will always have a safe place in my community. Always.

May love win in these coming times.

My Discord is open: https://discord.gg/4MkdmuyreZ Listen to Starlight Telepath, my latest album! Instrumental therian music, by a therian ^^

(Art by SheilaGrace)

[baumarius]

A lot of people seem to resent even waking up in the morning. It's a slog. Gotta get your coffee so you can get some work done, then crash in the afternoon.

I don't live like that. Every day is another chance at life. I'm making the most of it. The possibilities are endless.

(Background art by Ornamentarium)

[baumarius]

Swim like a wolf :3

This song will appear in a video game I'm developing about a telepathic wolf in a post apocalyptic world - Tenera.

Background artwork by Ornamentarium, who made the cover art for Starlight Telepath as well!

[baumarius]

smiling at you btw. loving you btw. liking you btw. enjoying our time together btw.

[baumarius]

the world of wildlife 🐺 wild, ferocious

[baumarius]

Hush! Video of Colorado's reintroduced wolves' pups playing

[baumarius]

New Therian Music!

Today, September 19th, 2024, I released my new album "Starlight Telepath." Listen to it here!

Starlight Telepath is my fifteenth album and my thirteenth as Baumarius, featuring Soundsgate Orchestra (via Musiversal), Italian violinist Lucia La Rezza, Argentinian opera singer Mailén Blanco Arriola, and more. The music speaks of the adventures my friends and I will go on, the nature of conscious existence, and reflections on my life as a therian, synesthete, and cult survivor.

The release of this album nine years after the cult's supposed end-of-the-world date symbolizes my success, the power of self-expression, and the value of genuine relationships and community. I couldn't have made it to this point without the friends I made by sharing my music and artwork online. I hope that these songs enrich your life.

Purchasing the album on Bandcamp will give you access to a bonus track upon release - the original version of "The Wolf That Fell From Baumar," which was created by Aktaion ("Action") and given to me as a gift.

[baumarius]

Aliko Dangote, the richest man in Africa, has been tormented by a Brazilian man named Osvaldo for the last several years.

[baumarius]

Who sucked out your bones?

would you guys wanna see my bones?? I dont have all of them with me at the moment but ive got some interesting stuff i could show off !!

[baumarius]

Therian Music - Live Album Release Event for Starlight Telepath

This is it! Tonight (9/18) at 8:30 PM EST I will be going live on Twitch to host a listening party and to close out the vinyl/download raffle for Starlight Telepath. All three live orchestra videos will be shown. If you miss it, the album will release at midnight on just about everything. Thanks to everyone who boosted my visibility for this album! I hope it surpasses all of your expectations and gives you something to dream about ^^