#but idk I don’t know the guy personally this is just me ruminating on stuff that he probs couldn’t care less about currently lol

[boy-armageddon]

Post I revlogged. Reminded me of how music publications were genuinely just kind of evil about whitney and would use every word in the world 2 call him a faggot w/o actually saying the word lol. It genuinely pisses me off but I fear 4 talking about it too in depth cause I don’t wanna come off as being like “wow this straight guy suffered more than any gay guy” cause obviously I don’t think that. I just think about it a lot. Not mentioning it in da post tags cause I’d feel bad 4 clogging the notes about something unrelated

[mydarling-suggestions]

i’m 21 and i feel like i’m too old to be looking for crush advice on tumblr but i literally have no one else to ask so here i go lol

i was in love with this guy in high school, we were acquaintances but we eventually stopped talking and he moved away and i eventually mostly got over him after some time. now five years later i reached out to him because of something that happened and i wanted to know how he was doing, and we ended up talking for a long time and it went really well?? i wasn’t expecting for my feelings to come back so strongly but he had never shown that kind of interest in me ever. we were just catching up with what we’ve done in the last couple of years but we also opened up to each other about a lot of personal stuff too which we’ve never done. and he said that i’ve always been an amazing person and that we’re “definitely gonna talk more ☺️” but it’s been over a week and we haven’t spoken again and i’m spiraling lol.

i know i’m overthinking this but now that he’s back in my life i don’t wanna lose him again you know? and i don’t wanna text first because in high school i was always the one starting the conversations and basically begging for his attention and i don’t wanna do that to myself again. and the biggest problem is that we don’t even live in the same continent anymore and he can’t come back for a couple of years. i know the smart decision is to just not let him consume my life again and idk i’m probably dumb for thinking i even had a chance with this guy after so long, but for a second i really thought he might like me back and my heart is just confused on whether or not i should finally just let him go

Hi nonnie,

Totally feel for you with this one, and hey you're not too old at all! Seeking advice from somewhere is better than not seeking it at all!

Now I can definitely understand your confusion, especially when you've seemingly clicked so much better 5 years down the line. However, I will say that him saying you've always been an amazing person and that you're "definitely gonna talk more ☺️" could very well just be him being nice and appreciating you reaching out and allowing him to open up. He could also like you back yes, but it's far too soon to know for sure and you don't wanna hurt yourself further if it turns out he was just being nice saying these things.

You've done very well to get over him in the past, especially considering your strong feelings, and I can understand not wanting to repeat how you were in school by begging for his attention. All your feelings are completely valid, if it were me I'd get hung up on it too, thinking what if questions and all that, I get it. Perhaps he has just been busy and that's why he hasn't reached out to you again yet, perhaps he's not the type to want to initiate conversation.

In the meantime, try to regulate your expectations. He's back in your life now which is great, better to have him as just a friend than not at all. You could expect to become good friends, but not more. And perhaps you aren't expecting anything more, just rather hoping for something more which is understandable. Hope can become painful but when what you hope for does not come about. Instead, when you find yourself thinking of him and thinking of possibly becoming more than friends, try to redirect your thoughts to ones such as "I'm thankful I have him back in my life" and "I hope we can become good friends", and replace thoughts such as "what if he does like me back" or "what does all this mean". Ruminating will just make you spiral more (hard to stop but I know, I do it too 😅) and then after trying to redirect your thoughts, turn your attention to something else, like a task or hobby. It's not about distracting yourself, because that's merely temporary relief, it's about being able to focus your mind on something else 💛 Whenever your mind wanders to him, refocus your mind

If another week or 2 passes and still nothing, it's okay to message first, because perhaps he doesn't like to message first for whatever reason, perhaps it makes him anxious. Maybe he prefers people to reach out first. You're only begging for his attention if you message several times, even after he doesn't respond to your first message. A message sent every once in a while to check in is okay, and if he doesn't respond to these messages well then I guess you would know too that it's time to let him go.

Overall, it's still rather early so you just kinda have to go with the flow for now. Most importantly, do your best to practice refocusing your mind when you start spiraling, and best of luck nonnie! You seem to be a pretty rational thinker from what I read, so trust in the fact you'll be okay no matter how things turn out 💛💛

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 245: The Second One

Previously on BnHA: We kicked off day one of New Internships with a fun-filled morning of shenanigans. Highlights included: (1) an old bearded man gallivanting around town telling everyone the world is going to end (and making a surprising amount of sense); (2) Bakugou and Deku attempting to rough up a group of impassioned hobos, only to have their thunder stolen from right underneath their noses; and (3) Hawks, the thunder-stealer himself, who proceeded to be all “what’s up fellas, hey Endeavor did you miss me?” Endeavor, who totally did miss him, pretended like he had not, and meanwhile Hawks introduced himself to Endeavor’s new trainees: Finger-Smashing Kid, Kid Who Used To Work For The Guy You Just Murdered, and Shouto (Just Shouto). Then he pulled out a copy of Re-Destro’s book and was all, “hey Endeavor have you heard of this book which was really important to the plot in the previous arc? I think you should read it, for reasons!!” and Endeavor just kind of stared at him, which wasn’t exactly inspiring. Anyways let’s see if these two idiots can manage to pull this off.

Today on BnHA: Hawks shoves the Liberation Army’s book into Endeavor’s hands while staring at him with the intensity of a thousand suns, and then, to avoid suspicion, proceeds to hand out another 500,000 copies of the book without even being asked. He then flies back to the PLF headquarters and is all “good news gentlemen, I gave out copies of the Army’s book to everyone in Japan!” and they’re all “that’s great, Hawks!” because somehow it turns out that this was actually a good plan. Back at the Endeavor Agency HQ, the kids meet Endeavor’s 30+ other sidekicks, who are all “now let’s all stand around and wait for Endeavor to tell us what to do.” Over in his office, Endeavor shrewdly deduces that Hawks was trying to tell him something, and pieces together the hidden code Hawks left in his book, which basically reads “IN FOUR MONTHS WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE.” Back at the PLF, the League cheerfully discusses their plot to blow up the entire world come Springtime. Which apparently everyone is on board with. So, uh, does anyone else feel like they accidentally fell asleep during a really important part of the movie, because uh. What.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

okay so two things: (1) as I mentioned in a previous post, Caleb Cook reported that this chapter took him more than 4 times longer than usual to translate. so like, what does that mean?? guess we’re about to find out!

and (2) HAWKS’S REAL NAME. I started typing up this recap early just so I could liveblog my reaction, since it seems that the databook has leaked, and I figure I’m going to stumble across this sooner rather than later. so I’m just going to look it up now here goes!!

AHHHH TAKAMI KEIGO AHHHH

lol. I have no idea what that actually means. let me look up some more stuff about this

oooh thank you reddit!

ooh damn, I love it!? “hawk�� + “vision” lolol HORIKOSHI BACK AT IT AGAIN. but “watchman” is a really nice bonus what with how it relates both to the whole spying biz, and in a more general sense toward what he is trying to do as a hero trying to protect society. plus the name “Keigo” just has a really nice sound to it in general. kind of a boyish, youthful sound. not too hard or soft. idk. I like it. that was my favorite character in Bleach too

also apparently both of the kanji used for “Keigo” mean “enlightenment” oooh. my god I could analyze this all day. this being Thursday night, I’ll have some time to ruminate before I read the chapter tomorrow, so if I have any epiphanies I will add them in later!

(ETA: no additional thoughts on this right now, but there is now a ton of other content out from Ultra Analysis, so let’s take a quick look at some of that!

Haagen Dazs’s gender:  I now feel vindicated in continuing to refer to him as a “he” even after the face reveal! let this be a lesson to everyone never to judge a shounen character solely by how pretty they are. not that it wouldn’t have been nice to have another female villain! anyways the important thing is that I still don’t have his name memorized and never will!

Thirteen’s gender?!: now this, I don’t really like. Thirteen was already in the previous databook IIRC and their gender was ambiguous. which to be frank was awesome. having a canon nonbinary character was sick. why you gotta do this now Horikoshi smdh.

Reason for Shouji’s mask: nooooo poor Shouji. people in quirk society are jerks! lol I get the arms being scary, but his face?? now I really want to see what he looks like though. it would be cool if he became more accepting of himself as a result of hanging with his chill classmates and decided to ditch the mask. anyways my boy needs a hug.

and there’s a lot of other stuff, including a whole series of cute segments showing the characters’ relationships with each other, but I think I’ll save those for another post because otherwise this would get way too off-track. but man, so far I’m really loving this.)

okay kiddos. it is now Friday, and time to take our horse to the hype town road. I have been waiting all fucking week for this shit so it had better not disappoint!

“Rising to Action” ooh, nice. guess this is not much of a “sit still” gang, here

okay so we’re picking off right where we left off, and guys, I just need to know, does anyone other than me find this kind of hilarious

like, I don’t know why but just. Endeavor’s face. omg. he just looks like he’s trying so hard to figure out what’s wrong. I think what it is is that this is the exact same bemused/perplexed expression that Shouto gets on his face all the freaking time, and it just tickles me to no end that the apple apparently doesn’t fall far from the tree. ahh Shouto I know you don’t want to hear this but damn boy you look like your dad

anyways. I think we can all agree Endeavor should not be looking this adorable and what the hell. let’s move on

LOOOOOOL

why is this so funny ahhhhhhh. they’re so fucking serious please stop. I mean, but of course they’re serious, though. the weird one is me, right? whatever!

so now here’s the handoff. between these two super-serious dudes

Endeavor you had better not do like me and be all “of course I’ll read it!” fully intending to follow through (really!) but then you never do and everyone is super disappointed and you start to read something else instead, all the while feeling incredible guilt! my point is, Endeavor, I hope you don’t have ADHD or we’re all fucking screwed omg

lol though thankfully we have a backup!

“oh boy!” clamors Deku, a gleam of excitement in his eye. “homework!”

OH MY GOD

WHO ARE YOU, OPRAH

ff now he’s just SLAPPING THEM INTO THEIR HANDS omg. this is amazing

love how Katsuki is keeping an extra 1.5 meters of space in between him and the others because cooties. or something

anyways! I really want them all to read it actually so this is awesome! KACCHAN YOU ESPECIALLY. I want you to read it and then give it a disgusted 1 star review on goodreads. show me how much you’ve grown kiddo

lmaooo

Todoroki Shouto. god’s perfect idiot. bless this child. someone explained Occam’s razor to him one day, and he just sat there nodding like “yes that makes perfect sense” and proceeded to apply it to every fucking thing in his life from there on out. “what’s Hawks doing carrying around 10,000 copies of The Book of PLF and just handing them out to strangers like an old lady on Halloween? processing... processing... oh I see, he probably just REALLY LIKES THE BOOK how keen”

this is what Hawks is up against. this squad of certified morons with two whole brain cells shared among them on a good day. boy literally brought three backup secret messages just in case Endeavor was too dense to figure this out, only to watch these kids exclaim, with perfect sincerity, “GOSH, HAWKS MUST REALLY LIKE THIS BOOK, HUH”

and meanwhile the best Endeavor can do is “............something.......... feels.... off.......” fml. we’re all gonna die. Hawks, I’m sorry. you tried!! next time give Momo your secret message instead!

so now he says that he’s actually recommending this book to all of his acquaintances omg. don’t tell me this handsome canary is actually going around handing out books to every single person he knows?? all to cover up this one action of giving Endeavor the book with the secret message highlighted in it?? okay guys help me decide: is this brilliance or stupidity? like, what is even going on inside Hawks’s head. “I’ll just fly around handing out copies of Atlas Fucking Shrugged to everyone I meet. that’ll seem really natural”

I s2g Endeavor if you don’t follow up on this...! THE WORLD IS COUNTING ON YOU YOU BIG MEATHEAD. GET TO READIN’. MAKE LEVAR PROUD

and now Hawks is flying away with his hands in his pockets

godspeed you dramatically casual bastard

now Deku is all “you know, he’s not much older than us, but he really seems like he’s got his shit together!” which, yeah. don’t you hate that? the truth is though it’s all an act, and he’s actually just as screwed up as the rest of you! the moral is: never trust any 22-year-old who seems like they’ve got their shit together. because, no. he sits on a throne of lies

Endeavor are you actually being thoughtful??!

oh my god. we may actually have a chance here. praise be

now we are cutting to the Endeavor agency! guys, fucking look at this fucking ‘E’, though

ngl that shit is dope. I’m mad. I would buy his merch just for the logo and I hate that about myself

holy shit

the... flaming hot... oh my god

holy shit there’s so many of them

(ETA: hold up -- “Bakugou” and “Shouto”? this is a crucial detail here; they’re using Bakugou’s last name, but Shouto’s given name. so either they’re calling him Shouto because they know his pop, or -- more likely -- they’re calling him “Shouto” because that’s his hero name. in which case, “Bakugou” most likely also refers to “Bakugou” as in the hero name, not his actual name. meaning that still is his hero name. meaning he is still undecided. fucking... Katsuki. honey. why.

ffff and the new databook seems to support this too. instead of a hero name, Horikoshi just wrote “XXX” indicating he still hasn’t made up his mind. welp. looks like it’s back on that slow burn character development train, folks. maybe by the end of this arc, though? please? Horikoshi? Horikoshi damn it look at me.)

so this is how the number one operates, huh. meanwhile All Might only ever had one sidekick, and reluctantly at that. he really was so far out ahead of everyone else that he was basically untouchable. crazy

anyways, yes! they don’t know anything about anything so please teach them!

good grief this girl says Endeavor has over thirty sidekicks?? lmao and her name is “Burnin’.” please tell me the missing g is an actual part of her name please I need this

wow, Burnin’ really went and tried to pick a fight with my famously hot-tempered son knowing full well what his personality is like. and just look at him keeping his cool and firing back though

oh, Katsuki. [hair ruffle] he will thrive here

damn these guys are passionate

Endeavor seriously picked these people as his sidekicks? that Endeavor? they didn’t annoy the shit out of him?? that man is an enigma

btw can we all just stop here for a moment and give a shoutout to this horse-looking dude because. look at him. amazing. new fave

anyway so now the mummy-looking guy is explaining how they organize their shift schedule

so professional. this really is the big leagues

yoooooo my boy is FIRED UP. READY TO SAVE SOME BITCHES! YESSSSS WIN AND RESCUE LET’S DO THIS

LET’S FUCKING GOOOO omg I love him so much. Kacchan you need to cool it or I’m going to spend this whole fucking chapter ruffling your hair

(ETA: incidentally, here’s something I neglected to point out earlier: in spite of being a belligerent asshole in general, Katsuki for the most part is actually surprisingly respectful to most adults, especially heroes. so it’s interesting then that so far, this doesn’t seem to apply to Hawks. he almost seems to consider him another rival rather than another mentor/teacher-type figure to learn from. I wonder if this is because -- as Deku pointed out earlier this chapter -- Hawks is much closer to them in age than the other heroes. it’s interesting that that was pointed out -- and that in the very next panel Katsuki was grumbling about how Hawks pisses him off, at that.

anyway. this BakuHawks rivalry seems to be an established thing now, so I’m very curious to see how this develops.)

lol now Mummy Guy is all “that’s great! now we just need to wait for Endeavor to tell us what to do!” and Kacchan is like “WHAT”

I mean, he’s got a point lol. “we’re so busy!” “great let’s get to work!” “actually we don’t have any work yet!” like, what a fucking tease. don’t worry Kacchan, they’re just waiting to make sure they assign you boys a job that’s plot-related so we don’t waste any time

ahhh, and now we finally come to the moment we’ve all been waiting for! the part that apparently took four hours to translate! ENDEAVOR READING A BOOK

yeah he was acting like he had a freaking gun to his head. why don’t heroes have secret code phrases they can use to let each other know some weird fucking shit is up? or maybe they do, but since he’s being recorded and since PLF has some heroes on roster who probably know those same codes (looking at you, Slidin’), Hawks didn’t want to risk one of them figuring it out. that makes sense

ahhh, here we go

don’t tell me Caleb tried to translate this whole thing. though I gotta admit I am hella curious

anyway. so the rest of this page is Endeavor metaing about Hawks, and it’s some good stuff, ngl

he really is fond of him, huh. look at all those pictures. how many mental snapshots did you take of this kid smiling?? he’s so adopted it hurts

and look at the concern in that last panel! “why is he acting so weird, that’s not like him, I’ve got to get to the bottom of this.” damn, Hawks really did put his trust in the exact right person and it’s paying off

ENDEAVOR STOP MAKING THESE SOFT WORRIED FACES ABOUT HAWKS RIGHT THIS INSTANT I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THESE FEELS

god damn!! I don’t know why, but I continue to be surprised and impressed at how the character development of Endeavor is actually a subscribe and save deal and not just a one-time purchase. fucking look at Todoroki Enji, proud annual recipient of a different “world’s worst dad” mug every Father’s Day, actually caring enough about another human being to notice the subtle changes in his behavior and realize something is wrong. bruh. good for you!! human compassion is a damn good look for you, negl. fucking growth right here and I’m here for it

anyways, on to the hidden code!

and here are all of the highlighted portions for your code-breaking pleasure

fucking feel like I’m reading Detective Conan right now. yeesh

oooh!

BINGPOT LOOOOOL WHY DID I GET SO EXCITED OKAY LET ME GO BACK AND READ!

“the” “enemy” “liberation” “army” ahhhhhh! HAWKS YOU SNEAKY SON OF A BITCH. GOOD JOB ENDEAVOR!

and now we’re cutting back to Hawks, nooooo I wanted to see Endeavor’s reaction! come on!

lmao although it’s worth it to see Hawks mentally roasting Endeavor exactly like I was mere pages ago omg

his fucking face omg. that’s right Hawks, he’s not the brightest crayon in the box. not the sharpest tack in the bulletin board. he’s a few fries short of a happy meal. the elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor

but give him some credit, though! because he did figure it out! not necessarily because he was clever, but because he knows you!

oh shit lol

OH SO YOU PLANNED THAT PART TOO. WELL OKAY THEN

goddamn. he really is a clever bastard. and okay but in all seriousness, I fucking love that he has enough faith in this weird connection between them that out of all the ploys he could have gone with, this is what he chose. he seriously put all his eggs in the “Endeavor will figure it out from my face” basket. and it fucking paid off. this is awesome

AHHHHHHHHHHHH HERE WE GO

LOOK AT HIS EYE OH MY GOD. YOU CAN SEE THE EXACT MOMENT WHEN HE REALIZES HOW SCREWED THEY ALL ARE, YES, FUCK, THIS IS WHAT I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR OH GOD

and we’re cutting back to Hawks again! I’ll just assume the rest of his message went something like “we” “are” “boned” and Endeavor’s face was like :o

BACK AT THE OL’ VILLAIN HOTEL!!!

LOL WHAT IS THIS

THEY HAVE A FUCKING COUNCIL NOW

whose seat is that over on the left? Hawks’s? is Gigantomachia actually wearing a shirt?? AND SHOW US TOMURA’S FACE HORIKOSHI YOU COWARD

lmao oh my god are they really buying this shit

look at him. so trustworthy. nothing to suspect over here! just a 100% sincere born-again villain committed to the cause!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

NOOOOOO MY BABIES ARE EXPOSED. HORIKOSHI YOU BETTER PROTECT THEM I SWEAR TO GOD!!!

wow is the whole conversation just shifting over to the topic of Deku now, seriously?

oh my god oh my god oh my god. like. it’s been so long since the forest lodge and Kamino that I almost forgot that the League already knows these kids. they did fight Deku and Shouto briefly in the woods, and then they had an extended fight against Katsuki later on, although Dabi was unconscious for that part. anyways, shit. just like that they’re on their radar again I’m getting chills omgggg

(ETA: at least they’re underestimating them, though. “looks like he hasn’t gotten much stronger.” boy have you not heard about his bloop? that bloop will fuck you up just you wait!)

so now have some weird panels of Hawks walking through a door

(ETA: ohhhh you can see the door closing on the tip of his wing close-up! sneaky!)

ooh! wtf are you serious he can use his feathers to eavesdrop?!

(ETA: it only just clicked on my second read-through that Spinner of all people appears to be the mastermind behind this plan? like, am I reading this right? is he Tomura’s second-in-command now or what? damn, boy, good for you.)

okay, question. if he could do this the entire time, why did they even need him to pretend to join the League at all? I guess you never know when having a man on the inside who can possibly influence their decision-making will come in handy. but still, it seems to me like he could have easily done the spying bit without ever having to join up. ehhh but I guess there’s probably a range limit, and too much risk of the feathers getting caught and destroyed... eh, fine. I’ll allow it

AHHHHHHHHHHHH

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT EXCUSE ME WHAT?????

AND OF COURSE THAT’S THE END OF THE CHAPTER, LOL, FUCK. EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO STAND IN A CORNER AND SCREAM

lol “danger lurks” fucking you think?? what the hell! so they have an actual plan already, with the details outlined to the extent that they actually have a freaking timetable and everything? and the Liberation Army is on board with this whole thing too? the “destroying everything” part and all? this is too much to process all at once fuck me I can’t

okay! so four months from now is also when the kids will enter their second year! so that means Shinsou can get in on this action too. I’m trying to think of other significant plot things this could potentially imply, but none are coming to mind right now, other than it’ll be the anniversary of USJ. but that’s basically it. -- oh, wait, this also means that there’ll be a new first-year class of students at U.A. too! so that could be interesting. some potential new characters, and a chance for Deku and the others to be senpais. incidentally, to the best of my knowledge the kids will all stay in the same class and Aizawa will continue to be their homeroom teacher in year two. so nothing will change really aside from them becoming 2-A rather than 1-A. and Shinsou joining them, as mentioned. omg

anyway! let me see, any other stray thoughts before I wrap this up? I guess it’s worth noting that Toga’s eye is fine. the League has healed up pretty nicely in general actually. like, that’s seriously impressive for a group that doesn’t have Recovery Girl on staff. how long has it even been since Deika? a few weeks? this is almost ridiculous

and the “boom” -- is that literal? like they’re actually planning to blow everything up? or is that a metaphorical boom. fucking what kind of plan did they come up with where they actually think they can destroy THE ENTIRETY OF JAPAN all at once? is there a doomsday device?? what exactly is this “power” they’re talking about? HAWKS WHY DIDN’T YOU PUT THAT IN YOUR STUPID MESSAGE YOU BOOB

hahaha. anyways. it came down to the last two pages, but that certainly was a reveal worthy of all the hype. to sum: yikes

[a-ratt]

How do you write your stories. I know it sounds like a broad question, but I have been inspired to write because you make it so fun! The problem is... well I have a lot of problems. For example how to start a chapter and/or outline, making dialogue correctly, how not to make the plot/chapter feel rushed, etc... Do you have links, process, or tutorials on how to write and get started and all that good stuff? Thanks in advance!

Well, my dear anon, I do love talking about writing. So, for starters, I should probably explain that I’m an English-Creative Writing Major in uni, so I’m going all in with my writing. Besides that, though, I usually start with an outline.

Idk how most people write their outlines, but I usually use “Blake Snyder’s Beatsheet”. It’s basically a list of “story beats” that help plan out the plot of whatever story I’m writing. It’s actually a screenwriting strategy I started using to plot out novel writing. Here’s the list:

1.) Opening Image: 2.) Theme Stated: 3.) Set-up: 4.) Catalyst: 5.) Debate: 6.) Break into Two: 7.) B-Story: 8.) Fun and Games: 9.) Midpoint: 10.) Bad Guys Close In: 11.) All Is Lost: 12.) Dark Night of the Soul: 13.) Break into Three: 14.) Finale: 15.) Final Image:

Basically, 1.) through 6.) make up the First Act. 7.) through 13.) make up the second act. 14.) and 15.) are essentially the third act.

So, 1.) through 6.) are all about the setup. The Opening Image is the first impression you’re giving your readers. It’s a tiny snapshot of what they should be expecting. Theme Stated is generally a moment where the story’s theme/message is given to the protagonist in some way/shape/form. The Set-Up is all about world building. This is where you’ve gotta give us the rundown on the protagonist’s “normal world”, what a day in their normal life is like. The Catalyst is where the fun starts. This is Luke Skywalker getting the message from Princess Leia. Where Frodo Baggins is given the One Ring. When Tony Stark gets blown up. And the moment where Ant-Man comes back from the Quantum Realm 5 years after Infinity War. This is essentially the moment where the conflict is started because the protagonist is pushed into the adventure. (Make sure they have a personal stake in it, though.) The Debate is a small moment where the protagonist, or just characters in general, argue about ‘going on this adventure’, about leaving their normal world. The Break Into Two is my favorite moment in Act I. This is when the protagonist chooses (and they usually must choose) to leave their normal world and embark on the adventure. Bilbo Baggins leaves the Shire. Frodo Baggins leaves the Shire. Luke Skywalker joins Ben Kenobi and leaves his homestead. Tony Stark builds his Mk. I Iron Man suit and fights his way to freedom. The Avengers plan how to time travel to collect the Infinity Stones.

7.) to 13.) is the longest act, Act II. This is the introduction of the B-Story to the Break Into Three. It encapsulates the Fun and Games, all the trials and obstacles the protagonist will have to face.

The B-Story is the subplot you want to implement into the story. This can be a lot of things and can be multiple things. Sometimes it’s a romance, or a learning curve, or a friendship. The Fun and Games, like I said above, is the trials and obstacles the protagonist must overcome. Essentially, in screenwriting, it’s everything you want to put in a movie trailer that’ll draw audiences in. In storywriting, I make up this part of the story as everything I want to happen along the way. The small adventures and little moments I can have fun with before I need to head back to the main story/conflict. The Midpoint is where everything changes. It’s either a “False Victory” or “False Defeat”, mirrored by the All Is Lost beat. An example of this is in Avengers: Infinity War, when Thor enters the Battle of Wakanda, but then Thanos breaks free from the Guardians, Iron Man, and Spider-Man’s trap later. There is a ‘peak’, where it seems like “Hell yeah, we’re going to win”, but then they start losing and losing and losing. The next beat is Bad Guys Close In, which is all about the bad guys closing in. Either the enemy literally shows up. fights them, and wins, or the good guys start fighting amongst themselves. All Is Lost follows up as the moment when the heroes lose. They fail. Often, there’s “a Scent of Death”, which can be an actual character death or someone coming close to death. This is Ben Kenobi getting cut down by Darth Vader. Gandalf getting pulled into the abyss by the Balrog. Thanos confessing that he murdered Gamora for the Soul Stone. Black Widow sacrificing herself to get the Soul Stone. Right after this is the Dark Night of the Soul, which is where the heroes are depressed. They’re at the bottom of the pit. They don’t know what to do with themselves. The mood is usually: It’s over, they’re done. No take backs. No do-overs. We. Lost. Everyone’s defeated and they don’t know what to do next. Following is the Break Into Three, where the heroes find their resolve, get back up, and forge ahead to the final confrontation. A few perfect examples of this is when: the Avengers ruminate over Black Widow’s sacrifice, reaffirm their mission, and then reverse the Snap. Luke Skywalker gets inside the X-Wing to go fight the Death Star. And when Peter Parker tells Happy Hogan that’s he’s going to kick Mysterio’s ass. Finally, we reach the Finale, where it all ends. This is the final confrontation. Thanos attacks the New Avengers Facility. The Rebel Alliance attacks the Death Star. And Ladybug and Chat Noir face Stoneheart one last time. The Finale isn’t bogged down by one fight, though, as Avengers: Endgame shows us. You can stretch it out a bit, play with the audience’s emotions. While Nebula and Gamora help Hawkeye, and Ant-Man saves Hulk, Rocket, and Rhodey, the Captain America, Iron Man, and Thor face down Thanos in a 3v1. It’s an epic battle and it feels like the end, but then the rest of the Avengers show up and we get the biggest battle in the entire story. This is the final battle.Then, there’s the Final Image. This mirrors the Opening Image, shows how far we’ve come and how much has changed. At the start, Luke Skywalker was a farmer boy and at the end he’s a galactic hero/terrorist. At the start, Frodo was just a normal guy living in the Shire, but at the end he’s on an epic adventure to save the world. At the beginning, Bilbo Baggins is content with living at home, but in the end he’s prepared to go on an adventure to help his friends take back their home from a dragon. In Miraculous Ladybug, Marinette is an introverted klutz who grows into a confident superhero.

So, yeah, that’s how I plan out my stories. Each beat is an essential component to create the narrative flow. If none of this made sense, here’s a link to a website that might help out: (x)

Of course, a story is more than it’s plot. You mentioned you had issues with dialogue?

Well, my method for writing dialogue is by throwing myself into the character. I act like them. I try to emulate them. For me, dialogue isn’t about making it correct, it’s about making it organic. Dialogue is linked to the characters you write it for. So someone stiff and stoic is probably not going to clip words and spell everything out. Someone lax and playful will probably clip words and phrases, and also throw in slang.

The kind of dialogue I usually write is inspired by Thor: Ragnarok, because the dialogue used is mostly improv, or improvised. In other words, make it up on the go. Have fun with it. If you want to, throw yourself into the character and try to act like them.

In terms of chapters, I don’t think length matters as much as content and flow. You want to make sure it paces well. You want to make sure that you’re not bogging it down with writing that’s unnecessary, like a diverging plot about food while the characters have to worry about going somewhere. Not unless it’s necessary for the plot.

In other words, chapter density is all up to you. What’s necessary and what’s not? Does it feel too short, as in they reader reads it and it feels like the hero punched the villain and it’s over? Or the read it and they felt like there was a full struggle where they fought and clashed and finally won.

Besides that, I don’t have much else to give. In terms of links and tutorials, all that I learned in class or from experience. (Don’t make me talk about the Fanfiction.net days.) But, if you’ve got anymore questions, I’ll be glad to answer.

[fairycosmos]

(2) a bar legit across the street from where i was working, and i asked y they didnt visit like really quick and he was like “shit u forgot u worked there”. So i dont really think they would invite even if he 100% i was free. And im just really sad. Im not having a pity party, life just shits on me and idk i wanted to tell someone. One of the most important ppl in my life makes me feel so much like a second choice or almost like a shadow and it hurts my heart. Sorry to bother u love.

:(( hey you're not bothering me ! im so sorry youre dealing with this and i honestly think your hurt as a reaction is totally justified. it's ok to be upset and to accept the fact that you feel shitty, as long as you're willing to at least try n help yourself through it even in small ways. don't be afraid to acknowledge your thoughts n emotions as valid. the possible disintegration of a strong bond is a unique kind of pain, though very common. i truly don't understand where your friend is coming from or why he's acting like this, especially if you guys haven't had any sort of disagreement or whatever.... it's true that people go through stuff and friendships often experience weird moments n phases where you lose synch with each other. miscommunications occur, we fuck up. but it's not right for him to treat you like you don't matter, and you absolutely deserve better. his attitude is ugly as hell. i guess you could drive yourself crazy ruminating on his behaviour and possible reasons for it, but at the end of the day his actions and words are not a reflection of you. they're a reflection of him. it's not your fault, and it's not an indicator of whether or not you deserve love/appreciation. that doesn't depend on anything, you just do. and you always will. you can't control what he does but you can control who you trust and who you let into your heart properly, you know? if people take advantage, you have every right to kick them out. not everyone knows how to act, how to appreciate. i would suggest maybe talking to him about this, even just through text. i understand that it's a bit awkward and nerve wracking but it definitely seems like an elephant in the room sort of thing....if you can both acknowledge that he's been distant lately, then maybe you can work on it together. if you can talk about what's going on without arguing or upsetting each other, then that's a great sign. also he definitely owes you an apology. of course this all relies on him being honest and open, which you can only encourage him to be, rather than forcing him to be. it's up to him whether he goes for it. but it's worth a shot. extending your hand always is. your low self esteem may try to convince you that rejection is somehow a character flaw in yourself, but that's objectively not true. if he's not receptive to your patience, then that in and of itself offers you some closure in my opinion. shows what his mentality is. it's normal to want to fight to maintain the relationships you cherish but there's truly no shame in prioritising your own needs at this point. friends will walk in and out of your life all the time, as circumstances change and dynamics evolve, but your worth as a person is never going to be shaped by how they treat you. it's easy to understand that logically, but accepting it in your heart may take time, and effort to confront all these conflicting emotions. but that's alright. it's supposed to be a process, not always a linear simple one. there are so many people waiting in your future who won't take you for granted. you just focus on one day at a time n do what you can, cause that's really all you can ask of yourself love. you can't make others do the right thing, you know? but listen, i really hope he comes around and apologizes/explains so that you can both grow beyond it. but if not, it has nothing to do with you. you have every right to grieve the lost trust for as long as it takes, however you need to. maybe talking about this w a friend or family member could make it feel like less of a solitary burden. and if that's not option, just writing about it and sorting through your thoughts could offer some perspective. you're not alone n im sending you so much warmth from my corner of the earth !! let me know if you need a friend or if you want to talk more about it. i'll be here. take care 💌

[miximax-hell]

There have been people, some truly wonderful souls, who have followed my blog during my long period of absence. For that, thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I don’t deserve that kindness. With that out of the way, hello! Once again, it’s been so long... And that’s exactly we won’t delve in the past now. Let’s get right to it!

Today’s miximax is one that can barely be recognised at all unless you’re specifically told who the vessel and aura are. So, just in case my handwriting is THAT awful, we’ll be talking about Sakuma’s miximax today! For him, I’ve chosen a wonderful character that is, quite literally, part of the history of videogames as a whole. After the news about a new Smash coming soon, the promise of Metroid Prime 4 for Switch, and the very successful (AND SPANISH) remake of Metroid II, it feels like a great time to bring Samus Aran into the battle! The coolest intergalactic bounty hunter there ever was makes for a very simple-looking miximax, but it was still quite tough to draw because of RUST. Ah well. No one to blame but myself.

Anyway, I think this deserves a proper explanation, so let’s see why these two make for a fantastic combo! For more on that, please check under the cut. As usual.

Well, you’ve made it this far, so let’s delve a little in the past now. ww Just yesterday, I finally finished writing my graduation thesis!! That means I’m finally free... for a little while. Just enough to enjoy half a month of debauchery AND SPEND TIME WITH MY GIRLFRIEND, WHOM I MISS VERY MUCH. Oh, and my internship ended about two and a half weeks ago, too. While I am free in that sense as well, I can’t say I’m a scriptwriter and game designer right now, which kinda sucks. But they might still hire me...! And I’m ruminating some exciting ideas of my own. I highly doubt the company I worked for will be interested in them, but, well, it’s worth a shot. And good practice, in any case. So, yeah! I hope you’ve all been well!

Anyway, let’s get right to it. A single paragraph of my life struggles was enough. ww

This is still a fairly small blog with less than 100 followers. And it will always be because of how niche it is. ww Not only that, but most of said (active) followers aren’t even friends of mine, but the aforementioned kind souls who, somehow, grace me with their presence here. That means that, for example, if I were to go on Twitter to talk about my projects for this blog (as I’ve done a couple of times in the past), only one or two of my friends would give a crap about it. And that’s assuming they see those specific tweets at all! Otherwise, the reactions I get are non-existent unless I’m specifically mentioning someone. And even that is far from being failproof. So, whenever I want to share my ideas with someone, develop them through conversation or brainstorm, there’s only one person I can rely on: my lovely girlfriend. She’s patient and super supportive of my work. Bless her soul. I’m so in love with her.

Anyway, thanks to how much I’ve ranted to her about SakuSamus, I’ve already typed down most of what needs to be said about why I think these two work so well together. I can also get away with mostly copying and pasting what I already told her over Skype and simply adjusting it a bit to make it more readable as a blog post and adding some extra details. ww So, let’s get to it!

Coming up with proper combinations for this blog can sometimes be a chore and require a lot of overthinking. However, as the wonderful @miyukiko​ would say, great ideas suddenly come to you sometimes. This had a bit of both. I'll try to skip the uninteresting bits of the creative process, but this is the important part.

Now that we've seen Sakuma in Ares and he's obviously won a lot of... prominence, if you may put it that way, it felt like a good time to take a closer look at him. Sakuma is a forward, and a pretty talented one, at that. When he becomes captain in the Ares timeline, though, his team comes to rely on him on a much deeper level too. Or so it seems, at least. To top it off, his descriptions in the original games say that he helps Kidou and acts as a strategist that coordinates the team. That’s pretty much the base we can build upon.

As a forward, he seems pretty thorough and tries to stay cool and calm, since that's the kind of soccer they play at Teikoku. And, from what we've seen in Ares, as a captain, he worries so much about his team's well-being and about being a good leader for them. You know, the usual "Am I fit to be captain?" thing that IE loves so much. ww

But there's a lot of bad stuff about Sakuma, too.

For one, despite his cool act, when he loses it, he loses it good. We all know how he reacted when he was part of Shin Teikoku and how extremely mad he would get with Kageyama, for example. Also, when he does lose it (and, arguably, even when he’s still somewhat sane), he's very self-destructive.

I think that's somehow linked to his fears: he simply doesn't want to be left alone. He panics when Kidou leaves Teikoku and, again, loses it completely. When his insanity reaches that kind of point, nothing else seems to matter, so he goes all out even if it can cost him his life. Or his legs, at least.

Related to that, and this is much more relevant in terms of sheer gameplay, he is extremely dependent of others.

He's supposed to be some super cool ace striker, but absolutely all of his shots are combo hissatsus no matter what timeline or age you’re looking at. Koutei Penguin 2gou and 3gou, Twin Boost, Death Zone, Deep Jungle... They all need 2-3 people, and, usually, Kidou's involved.

So, tough as it is to say, if Sakuma isn't by Kidou's side, he's subpar. And if he's all alone, he's basically worthless. And to add insult to injury:

He usually depends on people who aren't even forwards to score goals.

He is turned into a defender as an adult because, as I said, he's subpar as a forward if he's alone.

That makes Sakuma a very interesting case: in a universe that is all about the power you get from of your teammates, what he lacks is individuality. ...Especially when you consider that his only motivation to play soccer seems to be to play with Kidou. www

As he is, he's the absolute definition of support character. Pretty sad, if you ask me. (Oh. And many of his in-game hissatsus are very dirty and the referee complains more often than not about them. That counts too. ww)

So, here comes the difficult question: who can give Sakuma the strength, the individuality and, partially, the safety that he needs to be relevant without killing himself? After thinking about it for quite a long time, I felt like he could really use the power of Samus Aran.

(Not to go all BuzzFeed on you guys, but the answer would’ve surprised you if I hadn’t said it from the very beginning. ww)

On a technical level, Samus is strong af. Not only has she survived to and successfully finished every mission she's embarked on (as far as I’m aware), but she's pretty much exterminated full races, DESTROYED PLANETS and killed the same evil pterodactyl alien... thing that wants her dead like 11 times by now.

And what's more: she's done all of this completely alone. (Except maybe for Other M. I haven’t played that game yet, but it looked like there were more people, idk) All in all, she's a beast. But that's not all, of course. There are many heroes who go and do their thing alone. It could've easily been Lara Croft too, for example--at least in the original games.

Sakuma, as I said, seems to be driven by a will to be with Kidou and is very much dependent of other people. And when things go wrong and he loses it, he is... spiteful, to say the least. And I don’t know if you guys were aware of this, but Samus is 120% salt. I read a post about the hatred between Ridley and Samus that when Ridley was announced for Smash and all, but I sadly can’t find it right now. If any of you guys know that post, please let me know and I’ll add the link here because it was SO GOOD.

According to my limited knowledge on the Metroid Series, Samus fights three main things: metroids (you never saw that one coming, I'm sure), space pirates, and Ridley (who is the leader of the space pirates, but is not a space pirate because I, too, would listen to my Evil Pterodactyl Lord if he were to give me orders).

Long story short, the space pirates and Ridley killed Samus’s parents. She was adopted by people from a civilization called the Chozo, but the space pirates killed the Chozo too. And when Samus found a baby metroid that saw her as its mother, the space pirates and Ridley kidnapped the metroid and it eventually died because of them.

Samus doesn't fight for the greater good. Samus fights because she's fucking pissed.

But, unlike Sakuma, she uses that rage against the right people and in the right way: she is still salty as hell, but she stays cool, kicks ass, makes everyone go boom, and she's out. She does what Sakuma does, but better. Even when she's pissed. Oh, and she does things the way they should be done: with legal permission, without turning evil and stuff. And she's super respected and feared because of it, which is precisely what a captain and a forward should be like, respectively.

And the icing on the cake?

In IE3, when Sakuma has levelled up enough, he learns how to use Space Penguin. also, Samus has a visor thing that can replace Sakuma's patch and that sounded cool to me

Anyway, that would be the gist of it! As I said earlier, I’m not the biggest Metroid connoisseur in the world: I’ve only beaten Fusion and Zero Mission, and I’m currently playing Prime and Return of Samus. As such, excuse me if some other game I haven’t played debunks all I’ve said, but I haven’t found any traces of such a thing. ww

However, despite my few experiences with Metroid games, Samus is a character I love and have very fond memories of. This series represent what I love the most about the video game genre: that sense of continuous and hard-earned improvement that only comes from experiences that are constantly giving you new abilities (and even new looks) to reflect your progress. It’s similar to RPGs, a genre I love as well, but RPGs reward you more for personal progress and dedication, such as grinding for levels, and not (usually) so much for just pushing forward and defeating bosses.

Last (and least), for those who have made it this far, here’s a little something you might be interested in knowing: I’ve been inactive here, but I’m still constantly trying hard to come up with interesting ideas for miximaxes! And I think I have found some cool stuff for both Kidou and Shishido, so feel free to tell me on which of those you’d like me to work on next. They’re both very challenging to draw and fiddle with, but I’m always happy to shift my priorities in any way you guys want me to. ww

[wand3ringstardust]

Winter break is the first time i’ve fully been able to process what happened with the last guy I dated.. and it led to me just spillin all kinds of tea so enjoy the novella if you choose to read:

I’ve been ruminating over it and I wish I could stop; but let me tell you, hindsight is 20/20. Sure I told some of my friends about the last date that actually made me break up with him, but I realized I didn’t allow myself to process everything and they probably don’t even know everything. 

Since I took the LSAT literally the weekend after I broke up with him, I had to table the feelings as best I could and focus. And then this semester has been so overwhelming I just didn’t sort of “debrief” properly I think.

I finally really thought about it all from the first messages/date through last encounter and I finally see him for who he is. I’m also convinced this guy was actually a narcissist and possibly sociopath and probably would have turned physically abusive at some point. 

Not only did he treat me poorly, but I think the bigger affront is realizing that I don’t really know who he was or is.

First messages and communication:

In the beginning he mirrored certain things that he knew that I valued. For instance, before our first date he really hyped up the religion thing. As someone who’s a fairly devote Christian even I thought he was laying it on a little thick; like “oh you inspired me to read the bible,” or “one prayer can change everything,” but I didn’t say anything because i’m like he’s trying to shoot his shot and i’m gonna let him even though he’s not slick with it at all. It came out later on that he’s not really religious, which I would’ve been okay with but he didn’t tell me that and even took me to freaking Catholic Mass as part of the first date.

He kept books on MLK and Gandhi in his room which he would talk about and made himself seem like this do-gooder/ I care about society and people type person. I remember he told me he wanted to be a lawyer too. He even had this huge LSAT study calendar he showed me on his wall so naturally I believed him, because who goes through such lengths otherwise.

So without the inconsistencies yet revealed to me, you can start to see why someone like me would be attracted to someone like him, but it was all a facade.

He told me he wanted to be an immigration lawyer, which ended up not being true. He slowly shifted to what he really wanted to do the more I got to know him. However, I remember towards the end, maybe a week or two leading up to the break up we were talking about refugees and Trump and he said he really didn’t care what happens to them at all- shocking. So naturally I ask him about the immigration law thing but of course he has a feasible excuse. 

First date:

Now the first date was so nice and he was respectful and generous. The only weird feeling is that there was one point we we’re walking at night and i’m a few steps behind him and I just got this really strange feeling that I didn’t know him at all. I chalked it up to it being the first date and nerves related to that. I didn’t feel sparks but I’ve had an instant crazy connection before and it didn’t turn out too well, so you know I decided to give it time. 

-----

It’s only recently that I started piecing together the inconsistencies and all of the seemingly little red flags that are now glaring that I ignored. My only defense is that the obvious bad behavior started toward the end:

Pushing for commitment:

He pressured me about making it official a week or two before the breakup. When he asked me on the phone about asking me at soon to be his girlfriend I hesitated because I really wasn’t expecting to have that conversation. He said I was sounding sus and then I explained that I wanted to wait and why. I told him I was only seeing him, and that I wanted to be with him but it was too soon. Prior he had told me that he never wants to get married and I tried to get him to rethink, I wasn’t trying to marry him or anything, just to be open to the idea of the institution someday. And whatever I said he used my same words to try to manipulate me into being his girlfriend. He was really laying it on thick saying he knew my story when we really didn’t know enough about each other well enough. He said there was only one of him and once he’s gone that’s it. Only after badgering me and myself holding firm, did he back off and say that we could go at my pace.

It had also been enough time where it would be appropriate to meet my friends but he refused and even said something about not wanting them to influence my decision. That was super weird. 

Date planning:

Early on he cancelled dates the day of. I’m pretty flexible with friends but last minute rescheduling and cancelling is a huge pet peeve of mine with dating because it shows a disregard of my time and the fact that I took time into getting ready sometimes even spending money to do so. The first time I was hanging out with my friend before hand so it wasn’t a day lost and she convinced me to give him a second chance. I thought I was being harsh so I did. But then he did it a couple other times, mind you we only date for about 2 months.

He would often ask for my input on date ideas, but we always ended up doing what he wanted. 

last week: 

Last minute cancelling and physical touch:

So the last week I think we saw each other twice. One was supposed to be a date, but he got caught up “last minute” with a project. I had stuff to work on too so I suggested we meet up and study together. That day he would jokingly pinch my thighs so I’d try to pinch him back and he also called me thunder thighs. The comment didn’t bother me a lot because I’m fine with my body but I thought it was odd. 

I commented on how he never hugs me and he gave me the hardest pick me up bear hug, to the point where it hurt. He also picked me up and spun me around so fast I almost fell and he had to hold me up. And then at one point he put me on the desk and was just kind of playing rough like pretended to choke me but didn’t actually. By this point there are alarm bells going off but I hold off on making a decision.

On the way back to our cars there’s barely anyone outside and it’s dark out. I jokingly “bump” into him with my hip in like a flirty way and he goes that’s too much pda. (last time I used that trick on a guy it got me a kiss ; ) but oh well)  I look back and note the irony because he inquired about sex should we get into an official relationship but he was far from affectionate and NEVER kissed me, not even on the cheek, and never any handholding. I also remember one time driving in his car he would "playfully" push my head or when I tried to change the music on his phone, he would flick me. It didn’t particularly hurt with the head thing but I was just kinda like ??? and he goes idk what I’m doing/ why I did that.

General lack of empathy:

The weekend before the last date I tried to change the date time to a little earlier because I wasn’t feeling well and also didn’t want to be out late because I had to study and prefer to do that at night and tried to run errands beforehand. I got my period that morning AND unbeknownst to me at the time I was having a reaction to meds I had been taking for a while which led to some pretty gross digestive side effects so I didn’t go into detail in explaining exactly what was wrong with me. He also mentioned doing something spooky at night in a park, but I wasn’t feeling that idea, so even more of a reason to make the date earlier. He was upset but kept his cool and said we should just reschedule.

I got worse and I felt so sick that night and his reaction was.. different. He called me, I had been asleep and explained that I just woke up to his call which you could tell by my voice and that I was still not feeling well and all he said was interesting repeatedly. I can’t say for sure but I definitely got the vibe that he was trying to see if I was telling the truth or not. But he never asked if I was okay or voiced any concern.

Another time I also burned the absolute fuck out of my hand with a hair straightener (like it is still scarred to this day) and he flicked it, it was dark so in his defense he didn’t know it was the burned hand but he didn’t say sorry or anything or if I brought up that it was particularly hurting he just wouldn’t respond to it.

side notes:

On occasion he would message me to see what I was doing when he knew I was out with people or would inquire about it when we talked. In the beginning this seemed normal because he’s just “getting to know me,” but as time went on I found it kind of intrusive and rude so I’d just said hey I’m out so I’m not gonna be on my phone after x time.

Two side things I remember, and I have no idea why it went over my head but once he nonchalantly said I shouldn’t trust a word he says and another time he said I have bad taste in guys. Thought he was joking, maybe self deprecating humor and sarcasm, but in hindsight he was telling me exactly who he was.

Last date:

A couple of days before the last date he called me and we were talking on the phone like normal, then he suggested going out on a date. I had the LSAT in a week so I really wanted to stay home. It has high time anxiety!! And he said something about also being a student and knowing damn well I wasn’t going to study all the time. It was rude but he also wasn’t wrong so I caved. Again noting the manipulation in retrospect.

During this conversation he said he would call back with plans. When he called back he didn't have any, so we were trying to solidify ideas. He wanted to play tennis but the place on campus was closed. I tried finding a park in between us and he just seemed to be getting annoyed. I even messaged one of my friends to find a spot who lives in my town and plays tennis and he acted weird because it was a male name. One place I suggested which happens to be in the town I was hanging out with a friend before and he asks where she is like she’s in NYC where she lives??? (like being paranoid as if she would show up where we were). So during this phone call he then said he had to go soon to read a book. I told him that since he had to go I could call him back with plans. He asked why I would do that and I said because he just told me he had to read and he said he never said that. It was just so bizarre that he would act like he didn’t say something minutes ago. Again, now knowing about gaslighting for some reason he was trying to make me question my reality.

So we settle on going to a mall in between us rather than me traveling literally an hour to a park where he wanted to go. 

So the day of the last date he complains SO much:

First about the parking. Before he insisted that he drive me and I said no that I would meet him there. I like having control over when I can leave and I’m so glad I stuck to that on that day.

He complained about being able to find me even though I said let’s meet inside the food court.

I told him I was standing outside of x parking row so he could find me and he sarcastically said, "oh well it's a good thing you're 6 feet."

Then when we walk in he said we should’ve gone to a mall he liked in a faraway town. This was one the few dates I got to pick only after him being difficult about what he wanted to do before. I would have done his date idea but he was unwilling to compromise on a location in between us and was somehow paranoid that one of my friends would show up if it was too close to me. He said he liked people who were assertive and can take charge because if they’re not they’re insecure and that’s not attractive, but rarely did we actually go on a date where the activity was something I suggested. The plans would always somehow change to what he wanted. When he made the assertive comment I knew he was bullying me because I couldn’t think of an idea quick enough off the top of my head.

While in the mall he would say he wants to go to a nearby store that’s close by but not in the mall. So i’d ask if he wants to leave and he says no.

And he took the fun out of it and only looked at stuff he liked.

Other strange behavior on the date:

I’d do something funny, like I know how to put on the cute charm, and he would walk away and act like I was embarrassing him.

He kept complaining that someone smelled musty and insinuated it was me. It definitely was not because I showered right before I left and shave my underarms so I ended up washing them twice!

I was also particularly anxious that day so I had on lavender essential oil and thought maybe he wasn’t used to the scent so I waved my wrist in front of him and asked if that was the smell. Well he got upset that I did that in front of people to see?

He was also paranoid that people would overhear a conversation. It was vague enough so no one but us knew what I was talking about. The conversation had to do with him being concerned that a random gay guy in his neighborhood was looking at him and I made a joke saying how do you know you're even their type. He brought this up more than once and he had also said something the last week about something being “gay.” So I was concerned that he might be homophobic which we also had a conversation about because that's something I have zero tolerance for.

He also pointed out people and asked if he looked like this person would I still like him.

I would ask him a question like something actually engaging and interesting and he would flat out ignore me or say I don’t know.

We ended up in a bookstore because he was unhappy with what we were doing before and I was trying really trying to salvage the date at this point.

There he made some weird comment asking about my sister (which he knew I was estranged from) as if he was interested in her, but like it kind of went over my head because she’s just super messed up and I was kind of like oh like you don’t wanna go out with her.

Main reason I broke up with him:

I saw this cute writing prompt book, opened to a random page that asked what was on my bucket list. I asked what was on his and he said idk and refused to answer.

So we move to this section that has two genre books right next to each with also happens to be our individual majors. So he’s looking at his books and i’m looking at mine. Well I found a book that said c**t. I said “look this is so gross I hate this word”. He looks up and says “c**t, like you”. I was visibly upset and he kept a straight face, he wasn't joking and didn’t even look up from his book. I said bet, well noted and walked away for several minute. When I came back around he had his nose buried in the same book. He didn't apologize until when I was breaking up through text. I know some people use the word and it’s not a big deal, but we don’t even come from cultural backgrounds where that word is normal or even used. Weeks prior, he asked me a hypothetical question about marriage and about what would make me get a divorce and I said abuse in any form (physical, verbal, emotional, etc.) and before he had said shut up I said it is fine jokingly but I don’t like it because it can be a slippery slope if you get made and then really mean it. I had talked about how important language is in a relationship for me. So he was very clearly violating a boundary I had already established.

I didn't know how he would respond to confrontation, plus I realized I was carrying his keys so I couldn’t just run off, so I decided to end the date early and handle the situation later. So we're walking back to our cars and I'm visibly not okay. I’m just pissed off and really hurt, but that translated to me being really quiet, twisting the bag furiously and walking super fast. He asked if he could see the book I bought and tried to make eye contact with me although I refused to look at him. He then decides to ask what's on my bucket list. I say I don't know. When we got to our cars he asked if I wanted to go get dinner like totally ignoring what just happened and that something is obviously wrong. So I said no I'll pick something up and left. Later that night he texted me saying thanks and that he had fun??? And that's when the breakup texts started. His apology was weak and he said “yeah sorry sometimes words fly out my mouth to quick at times” and that he understood why I was upset and apologized. And I was basically like thanks for apologizing but you still said it which is significant”  and ended it. 

After that two days went by before he replied and I think it’s just because of a screenshot of a tweet I had retweeted I posted that he saw. It said, “how others treat you is there path and how I react was mine” and I had retweeted it and said “needed to hear that.”

So the next message he tried to throw a bunch of compliments at me (like that’s cute and all but I already know who I am and you definitely didn’t treat me like I had all those qualities). But what was glaring about that message was that fact that he said he shouldn't have been blunt that day, implying that he believes what he said was accurate but he just shouldn’t have said it.

After I ended things he asked if we could still be friends. I said yes even though I didn't meant it. I haven't spoken to him at all since. 

About a week after breaking up we must have left campus this particular night at the same time because his car cut me off out of no where. He decided to switch lanes while still in my blindspot, almost causing an accident.

This may not mean anything at all, but I realized afterwards that he has 3 fb pages, I had never seen the other 2 before. Who does that and why??? 

Andd Aftermath: 

Although I try to see the best in people, I always considered myself to be super cautious and generally don’t trust people easily so i’m kinda beating myself up over the fact that I allowed all of this happen. Like with dates I always kept them in a public space. The fact is my gut told me something was off, but I was so anxious about the LSAT that I thought the anxiety was just from that and not him and I didn’t trust it.

So now i’m at the stage of realizing he treated me really badly, the most was towards then end, but I just wish I noticed sooner.

Now I know that the person he presented in the beginning was just a facade to lure me in and it’s just so eerie to know it was a lie and to not know who he truly was.

I feel like I just always attract crazy, ill-intentioned people and that’s not my type at all! 

(Blast to the Past)

There was the guy from a high school summer program cohort, who lived in a nearby state, who started messaging me about a year and a half ago and ended up wasting my time. 

So the story goes this guy would text me everyday. It was platonic but he definitely made it seem like he was interested. (consistent communication, sharing personal things, asking advice on personal things, asking how I was, etc.) I found out he had a girlfriend, which ok fine but it was shady that he never mentioned her. So I stopped talking to him plus I was sorta distracted w/ someone else at the time. Well, he just texted me recently after A WHOLE YEAR of no communication in any form talkin bout wassup (with this lame ass sunglass wearing emoji). He wasn’t even cute to be quite honest and I’ve learned a l o t since the last time we talked so I ignored him.

And the person I was distracted with at the time was this stalker witch who somehow always showed up where I was even after we broke up. So me and this guy I met had this instant incredible connection, like we talked for hours the night we met and it just felt like i’ve known him, like super easy to talk to. Although he had traits that annoyed me overall it was pretty great (aside from huge thing he was lying about). I’ve always been uncomfortable being vulnerable, but with him I felt like I was able to be more physical and share my feelings and things I don’t talk to other people about and he was just a lot of fun. Looking back maybe there was some love bombing going on because I fell fast in like and caught feelings.

Fast forward and I found out he was a witch. We talked about religion and he mentioned mediating but I never thought in the witchcraft way (and that’s something I’ve never been exposed to). He talked about growing up muslim but not being religious so I thought oh he believes in God, he’s just not religious. Ending that was so very painful for me. He would always end up finding me and talking to me and I never got enough space until after he graduated. Even after he still found reasons to contact me until I blocked him. Each time he saw and spoke to me was like picking at a fresh scab. He even had the audacity to feel some type of way and thought I was judging him because of his beliefs. Like I’m very tolerant of people doing what they want as long as they don’t hurt others, but I deserved to know the truth and to choose for myself. Like how selfish to knowingly let someone fall for you and lie knowing there’s something about you that is fundamentally (cannot express fundamentally enough) against their belief system. As much as it hurt, if I have to choose between someone and God, I will always choose my Creator. If I knew from the beginning, none of that would have ever happened.

These are just the guys that made the list. There have been other freaks that have approached me.

-----

I really don’t understand because i’m not into “bad boys,” “fuck boys” or anything like that. I honestly just really want to be with a kind, sweet guy someday who has a genuinely good heart. But I seem to attract the wrong people, even outside of romance.

So the worst part for me I think is feeling like a perpetual magnet for crazy or ill-intentioned people, and in this last case, not noticing that he was a bad person sooner and for allowing someone to treat me so poorly. I know i’m a decent person overall, but part of me still wonders what’s wrong with me that I’m not good enough in their eyes to be treated with kindness and respect and honesty. (And yeah Ik that’s flawed thinking, but it’s what I thought and i’m working on changing that narrative.)

After these experiences how do I trust my judgement when it’s time to let someone else in again?

I am genuinely very intelligent, at least book smart, I can give good relationship advice to others, but when it comes to myself I just feel so freaking dumb. 

I think that’s everything I need to let out. If not i’ll come back and edit.

I am journaling all of this so that I can let it go in the hopes of moving on and not bringing this with me into the new year. Also maybe someone can learn from my experiences. 

[earthengoddess]

I wish people asked me questions more, so imma just answer these:

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? Damn. Bout time. 

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? Man FUCK if I know lol. I’ve been thinking about that today and have come to the conclusion that I have literally no idea. 

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? I wanna say no to this, but like yea, I would. I think the thing about drugs for me is that I never think people are responsible with them like I am. I’m bad at having a double standard in relationships with this, but I realize it and work on it. It’s just if you’re doing much other than smoking weed often, I’m disinterested. If you fuck with prescription pills I’m out, stuff like that. 

4. Is your last name longer than six letters? It’s exactly 6. 

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? Sober

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? Sure, hasn’t everyone?

7. What does your last received text say?”It just seemed very aggressive”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? Not many.

9. Where was your last kiss at? A house downtown.

10. When is the last time you saw your sister? Weekend of the 12th

11. What do you drink in the morning? Water. I don’t drink much else these days unless I want something alcoholic. 

12. Where did you sleep last night? My own bed. 

13. Do you think relationships are hard? I don’t think they should be, but I do think they can be. 

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? Maybe. But I won’t ruminate on it since it’s not an actual possibility to change it. No point.

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? Nah. Maybe me having sex with him, depends if you consider that a problem lol. 

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? I enjoy both. Lately sunny has been helpful though. 

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? Probably but not off the top of my head. 

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? None of the above. 

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? I don’t fuckin know.

20. Does anyone like you? Also don’t know this. 

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? Yep, first kiss was with a guy with an S name actually.

22. Is the last person you kissed gay? Nope

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? lol yep

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? I have one

25. In the past week have you cried? Yea. I did actually, pretty hard. 

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? German Shepard

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? Depends on the day

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?Actually I don’t know that I have knowingly done that, no. 

29. Do you think you’re old? Nah

30. Do you like text messaging? If there’s an actual conversation happening, yes. 

31. What type of day are you having? A fine one. A little weird. But all my days have felt weird lately. 

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? Not much.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? Warm, although cold isn’t bad as long as I’m dressed for it. 

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? Yes, absolutely.

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? Right now? I really don’t know what I want. I think a fling, if it turns into something else later then alright. 

36. Are you a simple or complicated person? I think in many ways I am both and neither. 

37. What song are you listening to? “Skin” by Rihanna

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? I only say it if I mean it, unless I’m like saying sorry while walking by someone or something, that’s reflex.  39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? A couple of them.  40. What made you start liking the person you like now? I don’t know if I could say I “like” anyone, but rather my interest is intrigued by someone. And plenty of things, their mind most of all.  41. When did you last receive a text message? A few minutes ago.  42. What is wrong with you right now? I feel lonely/isolated/ugly. Idk, it’s a low day for me but it’s okay, they always pass in time.  43. How well do you know the last female you texted? Not very well.  44. Does anyone disgust you? Nah. I don’t have the energy to feel that way.  45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? No.  46. Are you in a good mood right now? I’m just kinda here, not in a mood one way or the other.  47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? My roommates. 48. What color shirt are you wearing? A flannel over a black tank.  49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? Not really, no.  50. Anyone you’re giving up on? A few people I recently let go of, but I already gave up on them so I’m not sure this applies. 51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? I used to think about this a lot. I let myself hate him for about a year, something I should have done long ago. Now I’m just pretty indifferent. He’s not who he could of been, no reason to hate him for not living up to his own potential. Life will hate him enough for that in time. 

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? Yea. Turned out they’re to important to let go of.  53. Do you like rain? I do. 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? I don’t and I do. I was recently dating someone who drank what I considered too much and too often. I think people in my age group fail to recognize how easily alcohol become a habit.  55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? Sure.  56. Do you like to cuddle? Love it. Wish I was doing it now.  57. Are you shy?The older I get the more I think deep down that yea, I am.  58. Do you get along with girls? Ugh I hate this question.  59. Have you dated the person you texted last? No 60. What do you carry with you at all times? phone (ew me), pen, paper, typically a hair tie.  61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? Fuck yea.  62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? Can and have.  63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? Yea 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?Like I said, can’t say I “like” them. But I think the person I’m intrigued by has once, either way I do indeed find forehead kisses cute.  65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? Sure. 

66. How old are the last three people you kissed? 22, 21, and I guess he just turned 21 yesterday, so 21 for the last one too.

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? do them myself 68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? Neither 69. Do you have any stickers on your car? Nope     70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? Uhhh probably Luke Bryan 71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? iPhone    72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? months ago    73. Do you like diet soda?meh     74. What color are the walls in your room?  white and tan and white again   75. Are you 16 or older?    si 76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? I have    77. Do you have a job? I have like 3+ right now lol       78. What are your initials?eeh     79. Did you ever have braces? yea    80. Are you from the south?  indeed  

81. What does your last status on facebook say?  fuck if I know   82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? occasionally, yea. I actually ran into him DT not that long ago     83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? I’d say equal with both of them    84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? gymnastics a long long time ago.     85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? 50 shades darker    86. Do you smoke? sometimes     87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?  flipflops   88. Is your phone touch screen? yea    89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? I wear it natural, which is straight 90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? yea    91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? ocean.      92. Have you ever made out in a car? lol yea 93. …Had sex in a car?  lol yea   94. Are you single or in a relationship? single    95. What were you doing last night at midnight? I think I was sleeping    96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? shit. I don’t know, New Years?    97. Do you like the camera on your phone?  sure?   98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?  a few times, yea.    99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? this question is vague.    100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?   no? why the fuck would I do that?  101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? not a real one.    102. Name your favorite Kesha song:  “sleazy”   103. Do you have any tan lines right now? nope. I wish     104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? HAHAHAHAAHA. Probably not, but if the occasion arose I’m not opposed.