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loudclan-clangen · 6 months ago

Note

HEY so the last ask reminded me that this is set in Alaska! As someone who used to live there it makes me very happy to see, so just for fun I brainstormed lore ideas/questions for a Clan there n I thought id share :) this is Long lmao i apologize

The terrain for one thing. Growing up I remember all the horror stories of people getting stuck in muskeg and not being able to get out before the tide comes in. so that’s always freaky, but i imagine that if theres any in the area then the cats might try and take advantage of it as safely as they can? for prey and such. on that note whats their water situation like anyways? braided rivers?

any specific ideas for what area of mountains the cats are in? are they in the higher ranges, the ones wrapped up in clouds, the rocky kind like the ones around Denali? the greener ones with all the trees? is their territory frequented by hikers and/or tourists or are they relatively untouched wilderness? I think i remember it being said that LoudClan is somewhere more towards the south, is it intended to be generally vague? :0

Predators!!!! The cats can deal with all sorts of unique stuff in a setting like this, bears n lynxes n wolves… eagles… possibly even wolverines since theyre up in the mountains? i’d be curious to see how a clan would react to a wolf pack passing through the area lol. also ive always just loved the concept of a queen finding an abandoned lynx kitten or smth and unknowingly adopting it and it just keeps… getting bigger… whoops… oh well its the clans weird child now

So many fun lil prey animals too, ground squirrels n ptarmigans n such!! I bet ptarmigans would totally harass cats during breeding season and that could be funny. maybe standard apprentice training is to learn the different ground squirrel alarm calls. maybe they even sometimes encounter dalls or caribou or moose on patrols (perhaps moose have even been known to kill before, so theyre considered dangerous).

Also just….. the day-night cycle??? I’d honestly be pretty interested to see how that ties in, like it’s daylight forever in the summer-early autumn and pretty much perpetually nighttime in the winter-early breakup. do the cats have any thoughts or beliefs towards that? do they like to look up at the northern lights, and listen when theyre so clear that they can hear them?

Okok thats all now sorry. I got way too excited lol i miss AK sm, i left when i was little 💔 if any of this has been discussed already in a lore post then ignore me its been a hot minute and i rattled this off on a whim!!!

Love this! Okay, let me try to hit all of these questions in a way that will hopefully be understandable for everyone so if you're the asker please skip past the definitions/backstory.

A 'muskeg' is like a swamp or a bog. I assume that you're referring to the area outside of Anchorage that we always called the 'Mud-Flats", because that's where I heard stories of people getting stuck. (Specifically there's a very famous urban legend of a soldier stationed in Anchorage who went out with his buddies, got stuck up to his waist, ended up tied to a helicopter, and when they tried to pull him out with the helicopter he uh... separated. And his legs can supposedly still be found in the flats. (I WANT TO CLARIFY THAT THIS IS NOT TRUE. THERE WAS A SOLDIER, HE GOT STUCK, HE DROWNED, THE SEPARATION HAPPENED AFTER HE WAS DEAD AND THEY TRIED TO RETRIEVE THE BODY. THEY DID GET HIS LEGS BACK TO MY KNOWLEDGE.)) It's pretty much a long stretch of quicksand (but it's like more mud and silt than sand? idk how to really describe it i haven't been there much cause ya know, hearing stories like that will kinda cure your curiosity as a kid.)

Anyway, Ghostclan's territory used to be Mud-Flats, but long before the cats moved in twolegs came and installed the Rip Rap (big jagged rocks that are placed on the coastline to keep it from erroding) that make up Freezingclan's territory and that kinda took some of the danger out of it. Since the tide no longer comes up so high, while getting stuck is certainly not a good thing, it's not a death sentence as clanmates have time to gather help and dig you out. Though it does make it hard/near impossible to launch an attack on Ghostclan without an insider to lead you around the wet spots. Larger prey can sometimes be found stuck in the mud, having died from exhaustion, but the wetness causes the meat to rot quickly, and what is left draws the attention of larger predators, while also adding the issue of having to avoid getting stuck as you retrieve it, so it's not really a reliable source of food as much as it is a last resort. Ghostclan also contains the territory's braided river, which the cats call the "Friendly River" because it's three smaller streams that meet up into one large one. (I didn't do the best job rendering this on the map but that is what I was trying to represent. I'm not a landscape person, I'm doing my best.) Because the territory is a narrow valley set right on the coast they don't have a ton of room for the rivers to braid, but the thought was there!

It is intented to be generally vague, because I'm not an expert on geography and I live a couple of hours from this exact area, I didn't want to say "yeah it's here" and then have people correct me with minute little things. Plus if it's entirely made up then I can alter things to my liking. But the territory is inspired by the land along the Seward highway, where on one side it's these big mountains and on the other it's just a short sloping coastline. It looks like this in real life:

(You can even see the railroad and layer of rip rap that I included in the territory map) I imagine it's a place where the road veers inland so that the clans can have more space to roam. While the railroad runs through the mountain the highway is just on the other side of it. The mountains here are nowhere as tall as Denali, but they aren't anything to scoff at either. I imagine them being something like this, (which I believe is Exit Glacier?):

The lower areas are densely forested with tall trees and thick shrubs, but the greenery gets thinner and shorter as the elevation rises until you get to the higher ridges and peak which is pretty much just rock. Loudclan camp would be located at the transition point between grass and rock, so that there is no place above them where their enemies might hide and wait to pounce. As for humans, the territory used to belong to a small mining town. They dug the mine, installed the rip rap, built the buildings, and leveled the area of the mountain that Loudclan camp is set on, but over time resources dried up and people left. Now it's nearly untouched save the railroad, which still runs through the mountain regardless of whether there's a stop there anymore. The fact that you have to either cross railroad tracks or mountains to get to it, and its remote nature mean that hikers don't usually put in the energy to venture that way. (My mom grew up in Sutton, a former coal mining town and railway hub that was long past it's glory days by the time she was born and so this fictional town is kind of an omage to that).

The cats absolutely will interact with unique predators! The game has done me the favor of adding in wolverines already (and let me tell you, they cause PROBLEMS), but the cats might also face off against an aggressive little ermine (which are much fiercer than their appearance would have you believe) or even find themselves stumbling upon a blackbear gorging on blueberries early in the fall. They aren't really in the correct area for a wolf pack (and to my knowledge i don't remember writing about any) but who knows what's to come? Okay, now onto Lynx. Up until about 30 seconds ago I was under the impression that domestic cats and lynx could hybridize. Why did I think that? Well because everyone and their mother up her SWEARS that their female cat got out and mated with a lynx at one point or another. That or their big long hair tom cat is part lynx. So who was I to question whether that could even happen? Well apparently it can't but oops, too late, already headcannoned that several characters are part lynx so fuck it. These cats are special. They've speciated. Juneaucliff's dad was a Lynx. What are you gonna do about it? Huh? Regardless, yes, the cats do interact with Lynx, but they speak the same language, so it's a bit of a different situation. It probably won't be mentioned unless people ask about specific characters, but anyone with ear tufts/unusually large stature/big paws may have been descended from a lynx at some point.

The prey animals I think are more dangerous than the predators honestly. So many of them are specifically adapted to the terrain in ways that the cats aren't. Imagine chasing a snowshoe hare across the mountainside, following directly in their tracks only to suddenly feel the snow fall away beneath you, because while their big feet allow them to skid across the crevasse without disturbing the crust of the snow, you're just a little bit too heavy and you sink a bit to far and now you're falling to your death. You're sitting on the edge of the river during a salmon run, watching an eagle dive down to grab a fish. What are the chances it changes it's mind and grabs you? A cat weighs a lot less than a king salmon. And moose would be a danger. 9/10 they won't even glance twice at you but the one time you get unlucky enough to jump down from a tree and land between a cow and her calf? Maybe with no snow a cat could outrun a moose but those long legs mean that there's no feasible escape in the colder months. Even in the warmer months a cat can be trampled by a herd of caribou if they aren't vigilant while walking along the flat lands of the valley. Ptarmagins are easy food, but they're annoying and they spook off every other kind of prey within their designated "territory" and are just generally a nuisance. Some of them are useful, though, Dall sheep wool is is great for insulating nests and shed antlers from moose and caribou can be used to strengthen camp walls and build dens or can be broken into smaller sections to splint broken bones.

The day/night cycle absolutely plays into it! That's why starclan moved into the Black Water Pool. It's the only place where night always exists. In moon 14 Part 2 Twistedtail explains to Wildfirecry that starclan had to move, saying "We couldn't survive there. Not when the sun silenced the stars for seasons at a time". Many cats believe that their ancestors can't see them while the stars are hidden, that the light of the sun blinds them, and therefore are more likely to do devious things in the summer when the sun never leaves the sky in order to avoid punishment. They don't live far north enough to experience perpetual night but even so, only having 6 hours of daylight in the winter does make patrolling and hunting much more difficult. As of right now, the northern lights mean something different to every cat. They each interpret them/were taught to believe something unique about them. Are they the last words of dead cats frozen in the air? Are they the souls of your ancestors dancing across the sky? Maybe they're a sign from starclan, demanding that the lead healer come speak to them at the black water or a sign of good luck for a little born beneath them. No one really knows, except for that they're something important. (I'm not committing to anything cause they could be used in so many interesting ways that i don't wanna limit myself ya know?)

anyway, thank you for the ask, this was so fun to talk about! My apologies for not answering as many asks as I had hoped to over my break, I was on a trip and then had to buckle down on school work and then got sick (just a cold. im fine) but things are looking good for a beginning of July return time still! (Note because I know what tumblr reading comprehension is like: I'm not returned quite yet. I still have to write a paper for school. But soon! Yay!) If you have asked an ask in the past month: I'm so sorry please be patient. There's so many of you. If you were sending me actual, physical mail I would be completely buried in it. I love it, and hope you keep doing it, but... just know it might be a minute... or two... or ten.

#loudclanasks #loudclanlore

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dirtybitfic · 9 months ago

Text

so wrong yet so right

matt sturniolo x y/n

Contains- lecture, disciplinary conversation, dirty talk , flirting, humiliation.

( matt is your professor and you've been skipping class so he has you stay after class to talk)

y/n pov ~

I've been seeing this guy on and off for a while but recently he's been persuading me to skip my lectures and I agree every time. Today I told him I have to go to my class due to the fact if I missed today id be dropped from the class and I don't need to deal with that and my parents would be up my ass.

I grabbed my bag and packed up my shit and started my 8 minute drive to campus. Im honestly glad my apartment isn’t far from campus or id be late to every class ever.

I parked and made my way into the building. The halls were quiet since this is a later class and most of the building is used in the morning.

I had my air pods in as I listened to Maria Maria by Santana and the product G&B.

I open the door of my lecture room and make my way down the first two steps choosing to sit further in the back .

I sit down and bring out my computer to type notes during the lecture and wait for the class to fill up.

After about 5 minutes the room was filled to the brim with bored students ready for the day to over since its Friday and everyone just wants to be out at the clubs and parties taking place for st.Patricks day.

im gonna be honest this class is kinda boring I had to take it so I have to suffer through but ... the professor is hot asf so I don't mind being stuck in this room for 2 hours and 15 minutes.

Okay guys today were going to be sharing the stories you've all written throughout this week . professor Sturniolo says as he dims the lights and calls up the first student to read their story.

This is a creative writing class and we’re aloud to write anything we want but I missed the fact we’d be sharing the storys... I find that my best writing is dark romance . It's all I read and it's all that keeps me interested .

There is NO FUCKING WAY i'm reading this shit in front of the class . I guess from the class I missed on Tuesday was when he explained that we’d be sharing them with the class.

After about 10 students we were an hour into class . This is a smaller class probably around 60 people. Im praying to god we don't get through everyone today so I can write up a new story over the weekend that isn't filled with smut and masks and corn mazes like the one I have written this week.

I had to pee when we got to the 30th story so I got up quietly slipping out and rushing to the bathroom.

Call me crazy but every time my eyes drifted to Professor Sturniolo his eyes were already on me . Id like to think i'm delusional but the eye contact we held as he gave me a stern look had me feeling otherwise.

I made my way back to class and sat back down . Im guessing we were on about the 35 story when he said we only had time for about three more after this one.

THANK FUCKING GOD I CAN WRITE A NEW STORY THIS WEEKEND I thought to myself as another guy came up to read his story.

I was in shock after he read his it was a story about an old couple with dementia and the only people they could remember in the end was each other as they died in each others arms listening to their first dance song from their wedding. Im not gonna lie I shed some tears .

I looked back at Professor sturniolo as he called the second to last person up to read . He looked at me with a smirk and I swear I saw his Adams apple bob as if he was chuckling at the fact I was crying from the story that was just read. I quickly wiped my tears and sank into my seat.

After the last story of the class he started talking about how he wants everyone to start a new story and have it ready for next Fridays class .

I want you guys to focus your next stories on a specific feeling . It could be anger, happiness envy... anything you're feeling in the moment . I know I don't usually give prompts but I want you guys to express your feelings and show me through your writing style so I can feel them as well . Portraying feelings is a way to keep your reader interested . Have a good weekend and be safe .

everyone starts packing up and I do as well until ...

Ms y/l/n can you stay for a second we need to talk about some things

I loudly gulp as I look down the stairs where he stands as I nod my head and make my way down to him as the last students filter out.

have a seat ms y/l/n he says motioning to the seat in front of where he stands .

I do and sit quietly waiting for him to speak.

so would you like to tell me why you've missed two weeks of class he asks as he walks to his desk grabbing a few things and putting them in his bag.

I have no good explanation so I make one up hoping he'll believe it.

I was sick the first week and last week I had car troubles and was unable to get transportation here. I say sounding a bit unsure.

did you go to the doctor for a sick note he asks as he walks over to me standing in front of me looking down at me all the sudden making me nervous.

umm no

then I cant except that excuse . As for the car troubles ... uber is an option or the bus he says narrowing his eyes on me .

I mean ... yes but I...

I think your lying to me y/n and I don't appreciate it. Id like to think I make this class fun and you are a good writer what could possibly be worth waisting your talent hmm? he asks as he kneels down in front of the desk so I have to make eye contact with him .

I don't know I whisper as my face gets red and all the sudden the room starts to get hot.

Its a boy isn't it he ask as he tilts his head and narrows his eyes.

what ... I ask looking at him scrunching my eye brows

oh come on y/n your face says it all . I hate to see you skip class for someone who keeps you from having good grades and staying focused

I don't know what your talking about ... like I said I was sick and my car was broken so I say as I look away . How did my face give him that much intell.

okay y/n here's what we're gonna do i'm going to ignore the fact that you are blatantly lying to my face and i'll let these absences slide . But... if you even think of skipping my class again I will drop you and you will have to retake my class next semester... an I understood?

y-yes sir thank you I say as I take a breathe I didn't realize I was holding and look back up at him as he stands above me.

now did you write a story this week even though you were absent?

I want to lie and say no but i'm already on his bad side . I hate to say it but... he looks so hot when he's being stern and slightly irritated. He's only 27 and im 22 which is slightly weird. Most of my professors are old as fuck but it's kind of refreshing to have a young teacher.

Yeah I did I just... I didn't know we’d have to share them in front of the class and its not exactly... something I want to read to 60 people. I say as I avert my eyes to the ground.

Then good thing you'll be reading it to me right now... I know your style of writing I read them on a weekly bases but if you'd come to class on tuesday you would have known you'd have to read it aloud .

y-you want me to read it to you now I ask as I look up at him with raised brows and worry in my eyes.

yes unless you have somewhere to be thats more important . The correct answer would be " no sir ill read it now" his tone was laced with attitude mixed with a degrading flare that had me clenching my thighs.

no sir I have no where to be ill read it now I say with a tinge of attitude .

good girl now grab your computer and come back down here and start reading when your ready

I swallow thickly when he calls me good girl as my thighs squeeze together and my face gets red . It's so wrong to think of my professor in the ways I am but he makes its so hard not too. He looks down at my clenched legs smirking and walking to his desk grabbing his chair and sitting it in front of the desk I am at .

I get up and walk back up to where I left my bag grabbing my computer and bringing it back down . Opening it up and logging in as I find my story in google docs and take a breathe . Ive never had to read what I wrote out loud and I hate it so much . The fact i'm about to read a full on sex scene to my teacher should be illegal but he reads my story's each week so how bad could this be right.

whenever you're ready he says as he leans back in his chair waiting for me to start.

o-okay I say as I look down and start reading .

I was running through the corn field the three boys chasing after me from all sides . I cant tell who's who from the masks but I know if they catch me i'm screwed. Im being smacked and sliced by the sharps thick dried shucks from the corn but I power through trying my best to get away untouched . I decide to take a left and run down a narrow path that had been cut . I hear a low chuckle close by as I look over and I continue running to see the gold mask looking at me as the boy approaches me quickly . You can keep running all you want but we will catch you and you'll pay for what you did I hear a deep voice call from behind me . My breathing accelerated as my legs grow week from the amount of running i've been doing tonight. The path all the sudden opens to a large circle with a cross in the middle where they tie up the scar crows but it seems to be missing but fresh ropes lays over the arm parts. I turn around and all the sudden my body is knocked to the ground by a large hard object tackling me .GET OFF ME I scream as the man who pummeled me to the ground holds me down sitting on my legs so I cant fight back. Should have kept running darling you're in for it now he says as the other two apear behind him. Fuck all of you I spit as they all hover over me . The one holding me down hoists me up and the others grab my arms as they push me back into the cross. The ropes that were hanging are all the sudden around my wrists as they tie me to the cross and my breathing starts to pick up . What the fuck are you doing stop take me down now I say to them as I start to panic. Mmmm no. You knew we'd come for you after you sent Darren to prison and now... you'll pay for your sins the one in the black mask says as he steps close to me and I suck in a breathe . He deserves every single year he’ll be in there and I will never be sorry for it. I say as I try to kick him in the leg but fail when my arms burn form the movement causing me to whine. Easy sweetheart your only going to hurt yourself if you keep doing that the one in the red mask says as he steps up to me . Now are you ready to pay for your sins red masks says . What fucking sins I did what had to be done I bite back.

You see sending him to prison hurt all of us and you're going to repay us . You're going to be our own personal slut . We'll take every part of you until you finally realize what you did was a huge mistake black mask says as he steps up to me grabbing me by the neck . Hell no I scold him . These three boys are crazy and deranged . So dark that it feels like the moon barely even shows when they appear.

Jake mullin , Kade Brooksville and Connor palemess are some of the worst guys you'll ever meet . They are so attractive it hurts to even look at them but they have the worst personality known to man. I knew that they would make me pay for sending their best friend to prison but after Darren killed my brother I went psychotic and tracked down any information I could to put him behind bars but at what cost.

Now they want to use my body in a form of pay back for what I did. I should be angry and disgusted but ... the thought of these three men using me like their own personal toy has me dripping wet and embarrassingly I want them in ways i've never wanted a man in my life .

They each rip off their masks and i'm met with their faces.

Jake with his blue eyes and blond hair with a perfect jawline and juicy lips, Kade with his dark hair , stubble over his sharp jaw and perfect green eyes and last Conner with his hazel eyes and sandy brown hair with a perfect button nose and sharp jaw.

Kade steps in front of me as his hands move to my waist in a tight grip causing me to gasp .Now be a good girl and spread your legs he says deeply as he towers over me . I swallow but do as im told not feeling like putting up a fight and excepting the punishment for my actions. He pulls my shorts down along with my underwear tossing them back to Jake as his right hand moves down to my bare pussy causing me to gasp. mm someones dripping wet he says with a smirk that I wish I could punch off his face . Fuck you I say as I look up at his green eyes that are boring into me . He shoves two fingers inside me and I moan out as he speeds them up and grips my jaw with the other . Look at you such a slut enjoying what i'm doing to you he says as he gets in my face keeping eye contact as I struggle to keep my eyes from rolling back. i'm shaking and moaning as my orgasm washes over me . Kade chuckling in my face as he watches me fall apart .

Connor come behind her and hold her legs up Kade says as he starts unbuckling his belt. My eyes widen as my body is picking up and conners strong veiny arms wrap underneath my thighs holding me up. Kades jeans drop to his ankles as he moves to take his boxers off too. I look down to see his long and thick dick clad with 4 Jacobs ladder piercings making me gulp.

He steps up to me and I meet eyes with him as his glisten with lust and a tinge of devilish intent. He smirks at me and I want to die right here right now. I should be fighting this I should be disgusted but... i've never wanted something so much in my life. This is going to hurt but punishments shouldn't be enjoyable. he says deeply as he slides the tip in causing me to gasp and my face to squeeze in discomfort. So fucking tight he groans as he slides more in and I feel every piercing as he thrusts in all the way and I scream. The pain of the stretch has my hands balling to fists and my eyes to water. He starts pounding into me harshly as my breathing is rapid and my muscles tense the pain hurts so good. Thats it take it all he groans as he gropes my ass and pounds faster hitting my g spot repeatedly . This goes on for god knows how long and I’ve lost count of how many orgasms I’ve had . All I can do is breathe harshly when he finally finishes inside me and pulls out as Conner drops my legs and I hang on the ropes as my legs give out. Mmm I think we should just leave you here like this Kade says as he buttons his jeans and looks at me .My face is covered in tears and spit and I struggle to keep my eyes open from the exhaustion my body is feeling right now .Please don’t I whisper with a raspy voice . He chuckles as he tells the others to untie my wrists and Conner puts my short back on but keeps my underwear shoving them in his back pocket . Kade picks me up throwing me over his shoulder and walks back through the maze to his car throwing me in and driving back to their large mansion .

I take a deep breathe and stare at my computer when I finish reading the story unable to meet his eyes.

I mean y/n I must say you’re an amazing writer . You know how to set a science and really make the reader be able to envision where the story takes place.

Thank you sir I say but I still don’t look at him

When you write these stories do you envision yourself as the girl character he asks in a tone that has my eyes snapping up to meet his

Ummm … I guess yeah

Interesting he says as a smile forms on his face

You could easily be a dark romance author you have a talent for it … I mean these fantasy’s are thoroughly thought through and I think people would enjoy reading something like this. If I have to admit I read a lot of dark romance books myself and your writing reminds me a lot of books I’ve read and enjoyed

I smile at him as my face blushes and he notices as a smirk comes to his face.

Thank you sir I … appreciate that a lot

He stands up from his chair and come behind me as he bends down to be ear level with me.

Now. You better keep that promise about coming to my class from now on . I know you can be a good girl for me okay .

His voice so deep in my ear I feel the vibrations in my head and I accidentally let a whine out when he says good girl again and I hear him chuckle in my ear as he places a hand on my shoulder as he stands up to his full height.

Thank you for staying ms y/l/n . I can’t wait to read your next piece have a good weekend

I grab my computer and smile at him .

You too Mr Sturniolo I say as I rush up the stairs to my bag and rush out of the class room.

God wtf is wrong with me I think as I get back to my apartment and flop down onto my bed .

the way he spoke into my ear .... the heat of his hand on my shoulder... the way he calls me good girl.

the way i'm thinking about my professor right now is not okay and I know that but fuck me I cant stop myself from going to my nightstand and grabbing my vibrator.

Ever since I left that building tonight I couldn't deny the pulsing between my thighs and wetness that pooled when I read my story to him .

I strip and lay down on my bed as my minds ran wild with thoughts of professor Sturniolo .

maybe this will get him out of my head and ill be able to focus from now on.

Matts pov-

Y/n is a great writer but god reading her story each week drives me wild. I know thinking of students sexually is wrong and morally illegal but I cant help myself .

I was pissed off that she skipped two weeks of my class ... yeah obviously because she should be focused on finishing out her senior year with passing grades but also because I love watching her in my classroom as she works on her dirty little stories.

The way she bites her lip in concentration… the little smirk she gets when I know she’s writing a dirty line… the way she clenches her thighs when I call her a good girl

I know she’s my student and I shouldn’t be thinking these things about her but … I pull up her last story in my computer and decide this is the least time I’ll ever jerk off to the thought of her.

I need to clear her out of my head and be professional from now on .

Next class is gonna be different….

Part 2 coming soon 💋

#Spotify #matt sturniolo #fanfiction #smut

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clowncaraz-journal · 13 days ago

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i wrote in my journal about mouthwashing and how I didnt like the approach they did. i have new thoughts in this post id like to share.

SPOILERS.

Mention of (sexual) assault and other violence in a fictional setting.

here's the original entry:

nov 20 24 1:06am

i don't get the hype or the appeal of mouthwashing beyond the exaggerated retelling of five people; a naive kid, a cynical old man, a manipulative rapist, a neutral captain, and their unqualified nurse. it begins when they realize their freighter is the last of their kind and their company will be letting them all go. the old man has been here for decades, and the kid is too happy for his own good. the rapist was already hinting at pinning himself onto the nurse by his inappropriate alone time with her during psych evals. the nurse is then sexually assaulted. the captain knows and takes responsibility too late. the rapist knows that the captain knows. the rapist crashes the ship on purpose to pin himself as the hero and make himself captain. said rapist them destroys and forces every single crew member to kill themselves or get killed at his mercy, leaving the mangled and charred captain to suffer in a cryo pod, frozen for 20 years. rapist claims he had taken responsibility while forgetting to do the one thing like acknowledge he raped a woman and got people killed. said rapist takes his own life. the captain is the only living one, and survives for decades in agony. the game is not that hype. it's deeper messages mean something, but fail to breach the curtain of simplicity they were trying to tear down. i believe even if they didn't want it to be torn, they put too much attention on trying to make the player feel as though they are guilty alongside said rapist rather than having the second playthrough explain it all again. Needs more dead air and to play with the character models a bit longer to provide any "psychological damage" or sensation that people claim. other than that, they got their bag, and they got a game that at least makes sense in the first few minutes.

That was initial response to the gameplay and the hidden secrets in general. I've watched/played it over and over to find new things I didn't have time to and honestly. I have a bit more complicated feeling.

Mouthwashing could have been better. I'm planning on making my own story based around the game's premise but not directly related or even about it. I think I wanted something unique and not what happened. I don't believe Curly should be responsible for cleaning up the mess that Jimmy left. I don't think Jimmy should have been the main perspective of the game. I don't think Anya should have been dumped and rendered useless so quickly. I don't think Daisuke should have died. I don't think Swansea should have been there. I don't believe the story is finished though.

I am a firm believer that anyone should be held responsible for what they do and that person shouldn't be treated with respect until they do. Jimmy is this case. I have no feeling towards Anya's character nor do I think she should have been written to just be the victim. She was written in a way where her only purpose was to point out how bad Jimmy is - not to ever have her exist as a character on her own. She had lore but she was just a vehicle to showcase how bad Jimmy would be as a character.

I believe that Jimmy did this: He had past violent behavior that Curly was subject to at multiple points before and during the trip. He assaulted Anya because he could. When he found out that Anya told Curly, he knew Curly was going to get him in trouble. Curly was taking responsibility, and does it so much in fact the mere fact that he would do it in this case made Jimmy crash the ship. Knowing that if he set the ship into an accident, Curly as the pilot would rush into the cockpit and try to take responsibility for it again. to fix it. "I will fix it." Jimmy exploited Curly and disabled him as punishment for Curly's ability to be "too" responsible. For not being quiet. Jimmy planned to make sure that the only person who knew about the rape was him, and horribly treated the ones who did know so that they would suffer for their knowledge. When dealing with Swansea, he neglected a lot of interpersonal ideology between him and Daisuke to the point where he completely tried to have a "I will fix this" moment in regards to sending Daisuke up there will clear knowledge that Daisuke was going to likely be injured. He injured the boy so he could have his Curly moment. When Swansea kills Daisuke, that drives a further wedge where he realizes now that he can't do Curly's job because Curly was a good person. He was going to get Jimmy fired, he was going to take responsibility for Jimmy's faults, he was going to do everything in his power to fix it. But he knew about all of this too late. He knew about the assault and the pregnancy and what Jimmy did a few minutes before the ship crashed. And that's what Jimmy wanted. Jimmy overlooking everything he did to everyone besides Curly was him acknowledging not that he was actually in the wrong but that he wasn't a good captain of the ship. That's all he took responsibility for. That he was horrible at maning a ship. Nothing else. He didn't care about Curly, he was physically assaulting Curly the entire game. He cared about Curly knowing that he would be the "hero" by killing himself and "saving" Curly. That's it.

The issue with all of this is perspective. The way the game does it is that the player starts with Jimmy and ends with Curly, but the middle is Jimmy. I don't like this approach simply because it does what most psychological horror games do and tries to teach the player a message by pinning the blame on the character (by extension, the player). They shame you. you have to take responsibility for something you didn't do, but what you allowed to happen, silently implying that Curly has to take responsibility for letting Jimmy (the 1%, the dead pixel) be ignored because of the bigger picture (the 9.99%, the bigger picture.) I don't believe Curly let him slip through. Curly was ignorant to his own treatment from Jimmy. This is to say that Curly was a victim - an afterthought to Jimmy. Anya was not more of a victim because she was sexually assaulted. Equally, their troubles of being physically harmed are important.

Just because Curly was willing to be around Jimmy doesn't mean he was comfortable. It doesn't mean he was happy. It doesn't mean he wanted to be his friend. To me, he had a choice and was stuck on a ship with him. When Curly asks Anya, "was he angry?" It isn't just him being Curly, it's him consoling her because he KNOWS what it's like to be at the end of Jimmy's wrath. He knows. Just because he's captain, just because he's a man, just because he's a problem solver - it doesn't mean he's invincible to the narrative that is Jimmy's manipulation. Jimmy being upset at Curly taking all of the attention is not just him being jealous, it's him looking for a way to break down Curly so he'd give HIM more room knowing that Curly would be passive towards him because he HURTS him.

I would have loved to see all of this game through Curly's perspective. A 5 hour max game with no music, altered sound, minimal movement, and tiny details. You get to be a bystander to a story you unwilling helped to unfold by being an abuse victim who's choices were to either be passive or fight. And you knew you couldn't fight him. Being passive is a flaw not because it makes you horrible but because horrible person make you passive. And if Mouthwashing was like that, I'd 100% feel a lot more understanding of the hype surrounding it. It would have taken more of my attention, more of my thoughts, and made my actually think about how people are more likely to squeeze themselves in rather than be let it by others. Jimmy did not fall through the cracks, he forced himself through the pathway by molding the people around him into things that contrasted him, all so he could feel better when he pointed out how bad they were at their jobs (telling Anya she's not a good nurse, doubting Swansea's capabilities, pushing Curly to the side as if he was the worst...)

But yes, please tell me more about how Curly is the worst man to ever exist.

#mouthwashing #video games #analysis #curly mouthwashing #mouthwashing game #mouthwashing anya #jimmy mouthwashing #tw sa mention #tw assault #cw

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sophie-frm-mars · 14 days ago

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hi! are there perhaps any thoughts youd like to share with someone navigating the early days of a BPD diagnosis? its not necessarily a call for advice, given that it's hard to do without knowing the specific situation and also youre just some lady, but rather that youve been very open about your experiences and research on the topic of mental disorders, so id be interested in any insights youve acquired through it that might be valuable for someone who's starting to properly step into the pool of psychiatry for the first time in their life and has a very interesting mixed bag of feelings about it.

ps: needless to say, im super excited about your upcoming essay.

thanks!

Sure absolutely

I was diagnosed with BPD for the first time over a decade ago and the most immediate thing that helped me was DBT, because the skills that you have to learn in DBT really are just a handbook for how to be a person, which is pretty great. I didn't have the level of independence and control over my own life at that point to be able to really build the life worth living that would help me the way I have today, but doing DBT after my initial diagnosis was still the single biggest change in my happiness, my general attachment to reality, how I treated others and everything else that mental well-being comprises. I also didn't have a very good therapist, we just didn't vibe.

This year I've been doing DBT again after realizing that grief, trauma from being in an abusive relationship and work stress sent me into a mental health spiral that involved me doing bad irresponsible kink with people and treating people pretty inconsiderately. I was derealising, paranoid and otherwise detached from reality for a lot of 2023. Looking back it became obvious that one of the core features of BPD, the "unrelenting crisis", had never stopped for me and that I hadn't made a life that really helps me be stable and secure in who I am. This year I've had more control over my world than I did when I was a university student, so I've thrown myself into DBT wholeheartedly. I know that a week where I'm not doing everything on the ABC PLEASE checklist is a week where my mental health is compromised and I need to either slow down and rest or get back on the checklist immediately. I treat it with life or death seriousness, because early this year I would have died if I had carried on how I was or if I hadn't been doing DBT. I also have a really good therapist now.

Get friends who will tell you honestly when you've done something wrong but who still love you the same and listen to them. Be aware of what your support network looks like. I have a Sophie's support bubble discord that people are in because of how immediate my crisis was, but as time has gone on things have relaxed and I usually talk to people one on one more

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i-just-want-to-destroy · 3 months ago

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the last chapter for walking study in demonology was CRAZYYY im so happy you updated. im so curious about what your thought process in writing it and if youre willing to share?? you dont have to if you dont want to btw! but in any case thank u so muchhh

hey thank you! appreciate it

okay super long answer below

honestly this one was difficult. idk if its bc its been a while since i write fics from scratch so i might have forgotten how difficult the whole thing is, but this one was tough. ch 8 wasnt from scratch tho cos i had the drafts since like 2022 or smthg lol

ik the formatting is non conventional in ch 8 and i was aware that itd be hard to read for some people. but i do think abt the readers often when i write.. mainly not what the readers want in terms of storyline (altho ofc i consider this too sometimes lol) but what the reading experience will be like for them.

i.e consider if id written the chapter in a linear, traditional way and narrated the confrontation between 1-A and LoV (or even other wackier “Villains” like godzilla and invading aliens or whatever). the truth is, although def easier to read, that version will be very boring.

(i know bc i tried and scrapped those versions.)

(im sure a better writer can write it interestingly but i am not a better writer.)

the thing w writing these traditional fight scenes is tht im sure — im 1000% positive in fact — that the readers have read it before. there r literally thousands and thousands of bnha fics out there with great fight scenes, on top of the actual manga, where youve read these characters fight their assorted villains. why would i make you read that again, esp when i know i cant do it better? i already know the readers r just gonna skim the chapter if thats the case. ive been a reader, ik what fic fatigue is like — esp with bnha when everythings been rehashed infinity times in infinity different ways.

same thing also applies with even the “metaness” of the fic itself.

i dont want the fic to come off like its talking down to readers, whom i believe alrdy have the instinctual knowledge of what the fic is trying to do. im willing to bet tht the readers have read something similar to this before, like multiverses n time loop n meta stuff, also cosmic horror. i still end up narrating some things even though often i feel im being too explanatory. i jst feel like the readers will know what im talking abt by virtue of their familiarity to the tropes involved.

therefore the least i can do is serve it in an interesting way, aka the fuckass formatting. like although the tropes im doing r done so many times before, at the very least i cld let the readers hopefully have fun by piecing it together puzzle-style with the fragmented formats — so its more of an experience thing rather than jst a lore dump. i dont like lore dumps, they can be condescending.

demonology def doesnt succeed in avoiding that however. in fact its fallen to that exact trap. ch 4 and 6, those r very lore-dumpy. i tried to make it fun w the humor dialogue style but its not perfect. i know tht by ch 8 that tricks alrdy old, and the readers have all the puzzle pieces at this point anyway so itd be even more repetitive than it alrdy is. even so i still feel im being too explanatory esp with the emotional arcs but thats a skill issue on my part

overall i feel demon can be more oblique and “elegant” in its mechanics.

but anyway, it IS crack… it was never meant to promise intelligence, least of all eloquence lmfao. its never meant to be taken seriously.

of course, at this point u can tell that i actually am taking it pretty seriously LOL. i never meant to write meta fiction. i have some gripes w it, namely that i feel meta fiction is used by weaker writers as a storytelling crutch n it can come off as lazy — demon is guilty of this too. but now that i end up writing meta fiction, i might as well fucking commit and try to push it as crazy as i can. if its not gonna be good, at least it can be interesting, or weird.

blah blah im yapping. point is, ik the end product might look very “random” and pastiche as if i was jst doing whatever i wanted … which, true … but it went thru a lot of trials and errors until this final version. you would not believe the amount of time ive rewritten this chapter, due to all those ^ considerations.

however i always knew i was going to start ch8 with the classic mary sue “fanfiction” — that segment was written a long time ago like in 2022/2023?? and mostly stayed unedited since, unlike the rest of the fic which i stripped and repainted and restripped again lol

ok thanks for reading abt my wack anime crack fic writing process that, again, shld not be taken seriously. i will admit however that i do put a lot of effort n heart into it so i cannot pretend i am aloof and disaffected. id be lying if i say its been easy. i consider it a miracle i updated at all. i keep saying its not meant to be taken serious but if i managed to make it even a little bit meaningful, id be very happy.

ah also. bnha ending actually forced me to scrap a lot of things too. but it kinda ends up for the better, maybe.

#ask #demonology deku #fic stuff

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fandomworld9728 · 7 months ago

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Omega! Lucifer/Life of the Morningstar Family AU:

Damn, there's never much ask about this AU, it's a shame because it's my goddamn favorite one so far!

Anyway! I can't wait to see Adam and Alastor get into a throw down just to claim Lucifer for themselves, and dear Luci was between embarrassed and annoyed at the same time!

I hope the sins could give those idiot Alphas a brutal shovel talk because they're being childish in front of their baby brother and I hope dear Ozzie would be the one who does most of the yelling cause he gives me the a protective brother who would do anything for his baby brother's happiness despite being the sin of lust a very chill and laid back kind of guy, and I think the same for Satan but a lot more though I doubt he has a role in this story though, If he does I would be very happy!

I also imagine Mammon would back Ozzie off as he doesn't want to joke around id the First man and Radio Demon wanted to act like children just to lay hands of Luci like he would go "I may be an asshole most of the time but acting like children just for my baby brother's hand?! I think not! If you want him, grow up!"

And Bee would just cackle while recording the whole, though as a loving older sister she is to Luci I imagine she would thwack the Alphas after the long, horrific, shovel talk from Ozzie as way of saying she's not playing around for her baby brother's sake

Man, I do hope the other sins would show up! I really want to see what their relationship with Luci is like! Especially with Satan!

Oh my gosh this made my day! I honestly wish I had more asks for this AU. It's one of my favorites to write. Thank you so much!

Yes! Another battle between Adam & Alastor is going to happen soon! Though probably not in the way most people would think it was gonna happen~

Poor Lucifer is going to be so done with those two. As for the Sins, they are going to give both those alphas a good talking to. Especially after the history shared between Adam & Lucifer, not to mention Lucifer's history with relationships in general.

Beelzebub, Asmodeus, Satan, & Leviathan would definitely be the most protective of him. All the Sins will have roles in this. I'm just not sure when to introduce the rest of them yet.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel fanfiction #hazbin hotel au #fanfiction #anon ask #alpha/beta/omega au #the life of the morningstars #lucifer morningstar #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel adam #adamsapple #radioapple

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stormblessed95 · 2 years ago

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I'm Stepping Away For A While...

Over the past week, and then some, I have been called a multitude of names in an effort to make fun of me and rude names including wh*re, p**sy, bitch, a liar, a fake, etc. I've been told I'm a fake/bad ARMY, a fake jikooker, etc. Ive had people call my friends deragatory names and misgender them. And I've also had someone in my DMs try to gaslight me into believing that this was not harassment or Bullying, but that I should apologize to my followers for threatening to block people and that people were just expressing strongly worded commentary over how my actions hurt them. And that I needed to take responsibility for creating the drama at all. And none of that is okay, and honestly it's been a lot. And the way people just brushed over the name calling and harassment regardless of if they disagreed with me or liked me, that was a lot too.

Blocking people to curate my space is not harassment or bullying or disrespectful. Its simply protecting myself and trying to curate a safe space for me personally. Nor have I ever started a hate campaign to try and drive another blogger off the platform. And if a post of mine encouraged people to send messages or hurtful asks to someone else, and I KNEW about it, I would've said something and asked them to stop. Sharing an opinion or disagreeing with someone is not me sending anyone hate. Nor would I ever want that for anyone regardless of any disagreements we had over whatever topic.

I've lost quite a few followers over the past week, people believing things that are being said and that's fine, i was never here for the numbers anyway. Id rather you unfollow or block me peacefully if you dont like me or my posts. Some of the people engaging with this hate against me were honestly surprising. But it is what it is. But I don't feel safe in this space anymore. I honestly haven't for a while. Blogging isn't as fun anymore. I don't want to post while it feels like a chore. And that's not because of anyone or anything in particular. I opened this blog because it brought me joy and it was fun. And it's really sad that something that brought me happiness is no longer doing that for me. It's not just all this drama either. It's probably been awhile coming, making my timeline posts for longer posts felt more like something I had to do for you all instead of something I wanted to do for me. And that's not what I want for this space.

So I'll be stepping away for awhile. When or if I come back will depend on if I can get that joy back for doing this and I feel like this can be a fun corner of the internet for all of us together again. And also for if I feel like I can do this without it being so mentally draining and just not good for my mental health like it has been lately.

I'll leave my blog here and my masterlist because I know that a lot of people enjoy the archive of some past content I have cataloged there. I don't want to take that away from anyone for that reason alone since I want people to be able to access that content if they can't otherwise find it. I also want the option to be able to come back to this blog again at some point. So I don't want to delete it or say I'm stepping away permanently, nor do I want people wondering what happened to me or anything. I just need a break. I do apologize for all the post series I have started that are remaining unfinished now for a little while.

If you want to unfollow me knowing that I'll be absent from here for awhile or for any other reason, that's totally fine. Honest. No hard feelings. I wish you well and hope everyone will continue to do well and enjoy the next few months of music, content and love from the members. Maybe I'll try to be back in time for JJK1 whenever that happens.

Again, this is just something I need. I'm okay, I'm not hurt or upset. I just need a break. I appreciate you all understanding. I'll still be in this fandom and be ARMY for life. I'll still be around for the next day or so. Thank you for understanding. I do love you guys and hope to back as soon as I'm able to.

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thelov3lybookworm · 3 months ago

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Writing tag game by @bonecarversbestie <3

thank you @sunshinebingo for tagging me ily pookie 🥹

Describe your writing process from idea to posting/publishing

sleeping. like thats the first step. i sleep a lot and i love it. before i fall asleep, i obvs am in my delulu lala land thinking about either my future husband or my fics and og books. from there i think about the weirdest unrealistic plots and then i keep thinking about them so i can remember them in the morning.

and then i write after im done helping with house chores and my work. i usually post the thing as soon as its done or shcedule it lol

(or in case of my og books, i keep em there hehe)

Are you a plotter or a pantser?

pantser 😭 but recently ive been trying to become a plotter. wish me luck 🥲

What do you listen to when you are writing?

anything i can think of lol. sometimes its kpop, sometimes japanese or arabic songs. sometimes sabrina and taylor, sometimes skz and new jeans.

i usually add random songs i can think of in my playlist i listen to while doing chores, and then i continue listening to thos songs while writing.

What’s your drink of choice(while writing)?

nothing tbh. water ig? i need to go get my new stock of capri sun tho ive been dying to have my stock refilled 😞

(gonna find some way to whisper in my dads ear that i want caprisun and it will be at home lmao)

Promote yourself! What’s your favorite thing you’ve written?

cursed is something i love a lot because that plot is like. auasadh so good. also my i didnt ask for this series. its so close to my heart my god its my child. my baby 🥹

Share a fic of yours that you think is underrated/deserves more love.

to love and cakes it took me months to write kinda but like. its a lucien fic and its 10k long lmaoo what did i expect. but its also my baby i love it heheh

Do you have any advice for new writers?

WRITE. THAT. DUMB. IDEA. YOU. THINK. NO. ONE. WILL. READ.

👏🏻WRITE👏🏻IT👏🏻

almost all of my most loved fics have been ideas i thought no one would care about enough to read. and then the morning after i posted them, id wake up to people telling me how much they loved the fic and end up with me sobbing because everyones so lovely 🥹

also. people can sometimes be mean. 👏🏻IGNORE👏🏻THEM.👏🏻 ignore them the way you ignore maths when studying.

ive seen so many new talented writers either stop writing or lash back out at these clowns, but you need to understand that replying to these people who are just trying to get a rcton out of you is not worth it. your happiness matters more. put yourself before them and ignore thei comments if it hurts you. that will prick their egos more than you arguing with them.

What is a writing style/technique that others do really well that you'd like to get better at?

i kinda wanna learn how to describe rooms. that bitch truly be bitin my ass 😞uh also how t write poetically kinda

Is there a character you were surprised you enjoyed writing as much as you did?

honestly, maybe lucien. i only ever thought about writing for batboys when i had begun but then i fell in love with him and i couldnt stop writing about him 🥹

tagging: @bubybubsters @separatist-apologist @assassinsblade @animezinglife @acourtofladydeath

@daycourtofficial @lucienarcheron @sapphicmsmarvel @berryzxx

@riddlesb1tch @throneofsmut @throneofsapphics @tadpolesonalgae @writingsbychlo

@fieldofdaisiies @moonlightazriel @harrystylesfan2686 @mika-no-sekai-blog

@itsphoenix0724 @lyssasdrafts @flickering-chandelier @lees-chaotic-brain

@hellcat8908 @ceoofyearning @potatoplace

#writing tag games <3

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multi-fandom-agereg · 4 months ago

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thank you for 300+ followers! (Long post)

thank you for 300+ followers?? Holy crap that's a lot of people!

(smiling friends oc: Noah he/it.) he can't spell. But he tried! 🖍️

Seriously though, thank you guys so much for the support on the blog. 300+ is insane and I never thought I'd get that far.

This blog is almost 2 years old, and I've been active on it for a year creating content for the agere community. In the beginning I didn't have a plan for what I wanted this blog to be. This blog was first created because when I first stumbled onto Tumblr, Tumblr made me create an account to view more content I wanted to see. I remember the first thing I've ever searched on here was Sally face agere content.

I left tumblr alone after this, but something told me to get back onto Tumblr and I did. And now I'm here. I do not really check my followers to see how long they've been following me, but to everyone who followed me from the very beginning, thank you.

Id also like to specially shout out to @dragon-queen21 , @xdeadxxeyes , @beaistiny and @red-panda-agere

To Mayliz/dragon-queen21 : to the most amazing person I've ever met, thank you for sticking around for as long as you did. You've always engaged with my content and I can't think of a post you haven't liked. You like my posts all the time, and when I was at my lowest at times you were there to comfort me (even if I didn't know what to say, but i still read them) I'm happy we've met and became mutuals. To someone who shared interests with me at the time (one piece) to someone who I've came around to call a friend, thank you. I can't express it through actions, but I hope words mean something

To xdeadxxeyes: to my pretty cool mutual, thank you for sticking around as well. I don't exactly remember how we met, but I'm pretty sure we met around the time we were posting total drama island stuff. You are a pretty cool person and you're very nice to me and I'm so happy we've got the chance to meet. :] also another plus, we both like Jjk and resident evil 🙌 so that's awesome !! My DMS are always open if you'd like to ramble about those topics with me (also by that way I'm able to get to your requests faster) since i know you requested some stuff 🏌️

To Beatrix!: we met when we were both posting Scott Pilgrim content! We aren't mutuals but I adore your content and was honored when you requested me awhile back. You seem like a very sweet person and I'd like to thank you for requesting me a few times. Your blog is very comforting and I love looking through it sometimes. Your posts are always a delight to see when you post/reblog/etc:}

to Nebby: I'm not sure when we met exactly, but I do know that we both have an interest in Honkai star rail 🦸 you guys were just amazing to talk to. When we commissioned you guys , y'all were very patient with us. And honestly? We were grateful you were 🤍 your art is so yummy and your commissioned art piece for us is one of our favorite pieces we have. Your art that you made for us is in a personal folder of ours and we can't wait to commission you again in the future. (To everyone who reads this, please go show your support! Their art is so good and they're a delight to talk to imo)

and most importantly, I'd like to thank the rest of my mutuals and my followers. Thank you for staying around to see all the dumb posts I post. I don't know how to thank you for all your constant support on this blog. This blog feels very personal to me, and I can't believe it's almost 2 years old now. Happy (early?) birthday to this blog) 🎉

#Not agere #blog milestone

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heavenlyraindrops · 8 months ago

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Rain’s love rant

alright, here goes.

I’m cooked. I’m completely and utterly cooked. I feel like I need to share all this cause each detail is something I need to talk about and it’s driving me insane.

Last year of school I met this girl, let’s call her Crystal, through mutual friends. Basically what happened was I annoyed the shit out of her and was so utterly obnoxious, she thought I was a bitch- but for some reason eventually she ended up finding me endearing and we became really close friends.

we talked all the time. We shared everything. We’d walk away from our group at the table during lunch and wander around the campus together. We both liked other people at the time, she liked a girl that I was on kind of bad terms with- and it pissed me to no end because this girl sort of mistreated me, and her friends alienated me from the school community (it was pretty tight-knit) because I was “weird” (I’m autistic) and I vented about this to crystal, MULTIPLE times but Crystal straight up just ignored it. But to be honest, those girls and Sea are genuinely nice when they can be and although it sounds bad (I cried for nights in a row) I think it couldn’t really be helped and there isn’t much resentment anymore, although we’d still never be friends.

Crystal’s affection for Sea fizzled out, and I got the sense that she liked someone else cause there was a strange period of our friendship like this- turned out that person was me. (More on that later.)

She ended up liking another girl- let’s call her Petal. Petal’s a total bitch. Like she just straight up is. There’s nothing to it other than that.

I started liking Crystal after she liked Petal, although I didn’t realize how much I liked her until, well, uh. Yesterday. She and Petal got together, and I was like “omg! So cute!” But I was low-key jealous and didn’t even realize it, and then Petal tried to drag her away and made her join Petal’s friend group, which were the girls in my primary, Sea and all them. I was insanely angry, jealous, sad, everything. She kept talking about Petal, calling Petal the love of her life, and it broke my heart because id always tried to be there for Crystal, advice, venting, comforting, everything. And now she was leaving me and all my friends for Petal, who, as far as I knew, was uhhhhhh let me think- oh! Pretty.

Shit went down, another bitch (Quartz) in my friend group pulled some shit (whole other story) and said me and my friends were talking shit about Crystal, Petal and Sea when we weren’t- it was all Quartz. Me and Crystal had a huge argument over text and I tried to make her see the truth and she said “I don’t know who the fuck is lying” and then “I have the whole weekend to decide.” (She also told me during this argument that she used to like me and when I asked her why she said I was funny, pretty, smart, good at drawing. First time someone’s been clear about what they like about me, something that shows they actually do, and I started crying.)

whole weekend? Fuck, we didn’t speak for the next few MONTHS after that. It was clear she had chosen Quartz and Petal. I literally cried for nights in a row (again). My fucking principal saw me crying outside the school on School Movie Night. And the whole time I was hoping she’d come back. Eventually I realized that she missed me too.

anyway, fast forward to this week, Monday, bank holiday. I turn on my phone and there’s a huge paragraph from Crystal after months of nothing. Her saying that she’s sorry her gf got in the way of our friendship, that she really wanted to be on good terms with me again, that she missed me. So we did.

we both admitted our mistakes and we both felt really bad that we ended up on bad terms for a while and admitted we missed each other, and honestly I was so happy. I think she was too cause she started crying 😭

the next day we saw each other in school, we hugged, made it up, walked around and talked like we used to. Hugging her felt so good. Sometimes she’s walking around with her friends, with Petal clinging to her arm like she always is, then we both share a look and we both smile at each other it was amazing. I cut my hair off this week too and when Sea and her friends came over to talk to Quartz (who hates Sea and Petal btw) Crystal was standing behind them next to Petal and she didn’t look at Petal, she looked at ME, pointed at her head, mouthed “haircut” or smth idk and smiled and I nodded really giddily and oh god. Then Petal just stared at us both.

Our school had our sports day yesterday, she texted me like “I was gonna come over and talk to you but I couldn’t” and it made me happy but broke my heart at the same time.

I talked about it with my friends and they said it was kind of obvious, how jealous and angry I’d gotten when she’d left our group. They said it wasn’t my fault I liked Crystal.

I could go on and on forever about her. She’s so fucking beautiful- I think I’m genuinely in love which is insane for someone my age but I truly like her, I’ve liked her for so so long without realizing it and now I’ve lost her to Petal and I wanna cry. I like everything about her, even her flaws, the good and the bad, and yes I do want her to be happy but can’t she be happy with me?

I feel really guilty too, especially when I look at her and Petal and realize how happy they are together. I wish I was like Petal honestly, Petal is so pretty and cute and just straight up adorable. And I know I shouldn’t be coveting thy neighbours wife, but I can’t help it. But it’s ok if I liked her before she got with Petal right? 😭😭

I hate this.

ok vent over bye besties

#Romance #love #rant #vent

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julijbee · 6 months ago

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Id love to hear your review of the dlc and your alternate plot ideas if youre willing to share! The plot seemed. questionable

i am so glad you asked (evil smile). so i'm going to spoil the whole dlc, even irrelevant things that aren't "main story" plot that you'll probably want to experience on your own if you're still playing so proceed with caution. also this is entirely opinionated and you'll likely have a different opinion from me and that's fine. my opinions aren't objective fact they're just how i feel.

also if you are familiar with the plot of elden ring, particularly to do with miquella, as well as the plot of the dlc, you know what content to expect. if you are new to this content and have no idea- first of all what are you doing here? second of all i'll be discussing incest and sexual assault. peace and love, enjoy my 5,920 word review.

I played the dlc as a NG+, FAI/DEX build using vyke's spear, godskin peeler, and bloodhound's fang, and used my incantations for both buffs and attacks and switched them often. summoned mimic, always wore pot on my head, and favored light/med carry weight.

GAMEPLAY (not story, just scroll if you only care about story)

so i'm going to start with reviewing the gameplay first because unlike the story section this is more positive, and while less people probably care about this, I DO!! i've been playing fromsoft's games for years and its because i enjoy them and think playing them is fun, that the stories they tell have resonated with me and i liked (most of... .. .) them has been a happy bonus. my honest opinions about the gameplay difficulty is that at this point in my souls playing hobby i think i've finally become one of those really annoying people who has no real idea of how hard the game actually is. with the exception of a few bosses, i thought the dlc was easier than expected, and i sometimes found myself wishing i found some of the earlier bosses more challenging, because those were objectively more fun fights than the later ones. i think the scadutree fragments are a really interesting way to both:

a: help players control the difficulty of the dlc, collecting more if they are stuck somewhere, or abstaining from use if they want more of a challenge

b: encourage exploration of their very vertically dense dlc map

it both maintains that idea thats vital to elden ring's formula, that the open map allows for you to explore and level up before attempting a boss again, but also ensures that you can find those levels you need without having to grind too hard in a smaller dlc area, and aren't kept from the main story for too long. i really enjoyed this, and honestly the side stories were the only things keeping me playing once i realized what the main story was doing, and all the life was slowly sapped from my body.

i am pretty sure at this point in time that i have completed most of the bosses- i think i am missing one of the four mausoleum bosses and i think i skipped one of the dragons on the way to bayle because i was sick of fighting so many dragons in a row, and i'm sure i've missed some mini bosses or areas, especially in the rauh area which i am guilty of sprinting through at a certain point.

with the exception of the final boss and bayle, i enjoyed the bosses in this dlc. the thing with the difficulty of these games is that in the past a lot of the difficulty spikes between games comes down to movement speed of player and bosses, and the effects this quicker and quicker timing has on the gameplay. they've also introduced some combat enhancements or tried out some ideas like weapons arts in ds3. (in non-souls games you have a lot more variations on the formula, with bloodborne's parry mechanics and less of a reliance on the character builds and armors, sekiro's systems being something that almost felt like you had to relearn how to play their games)

elden ring complicates this formula even further by introducing an expanded and much more practical system for weapon arts, a shit ton more weapons and armors, faith and int builds that are finally viable, and consistent boss summons with the spirit ashes. i'm both impressed that the game maintains the challenge of prior titles and even has some bosses that well outdo their difficulty, and also remains fun to play. the dlc maintained this FOR THE MOST PART, but with bayle and the final boss this kind of stumbled.

the problem i was shocked elden ring didn't already have was that when you're already going as fast as seems feasible, how do you augment the difficulty to give new challenges, and how do you make something fresh within this old formula. their bosses are difficult, but for the most part they're fun, and you can get to a point where you make that call of okay, this is hard but this is possible, or no this isn't possible right now, i need to change my strategy or level up or something else. the dlc was very fun to me because i was able to utilize the full arsenal of things id acquired over the course of my two prior playthroughs of the base game. if i had trouble with a boss, i realized at some point that i had plenty of viable builds i could apply to my character that better suited the boss. i switched between weapons, swapped out miracles, did some experimentation with the talismans and armor, and it felt a lot like fun trial and error to see which build would work, and very rewarding when it finally did!

bayle and the final boss felt kind of like they knew they were obligated to be crazy difficult, but they couldn't quite iron out how to do that without it being ridiculous. bayle less so than the final boss, but i feel like the warning for the final boss was there in bayle. he was whispering to me hey, hey, watch out. you know i cant be the worst, you know that final boss will be worse. also bayle gets a bit of a pass because he was a side story boss (i appreciated that the main story was a little bit easier than the side stories, because obviously you want your players to be able to get through the main stuff, with the side stuff being the extra. i personally liked that. anyways.) i did not have fun playing the final boss and it wasnt just the psychological damage (though that made me want to stop trying way more than the difficulty did tbf.) so far as gameplay is concerned i really enjoyed the dlc and i had a lot of fun exploring and fighting my way through it, there were some beautiful areas that made me excited to look at the concept art, and the weapons and new systems they added were a lot of fun when i tested them out. if it were just this gameplay i would be happy with the dlc and would probably still be playing it now.

THE STORY REVIEW. (hell.)

what makes me mad is that to some extent they gave me what i wanted. if you look back through my old posts or have the displeasure of knowing me in real life and heard me gushing about this, you already know some of my dlc wishes came true!

some of my dlc wishes:

i wanted new flowers to pick (small fish all things considered)

i wanted a boss with a large spear to skewer me in the air like a kebab

i wanted more frenzy content

i wanted some kind of resolution or at least some mention of godwyn's situation

i wanted miquella's gender to be unambiguously weird

i wanted miquella to be evil

i wanted more explanation for marika's whole "deal"

i wanted dumb melodramatic dlc npcs that are doomed to die horrible dlc deaths but one of them must be unspeakably snatched while doing so.

let sword freak (denoted by a line i heard from one of the dlc trailers) be a woman

please let the bewitching branch item description not imply what i think it implies about miquella and mohg

so. if you know the story you will already notice some red flags. i'll start with some positives

i really enjoyed my little dlc npcs, hornsent was the only thing carrying me through the middle-end section of the main story as i was buffeted on all sides with the terrible realization that they were going the exact direction that i begged and pleaded they would not go. i loved the heightened role the npcs played in the story, how frequently i was able to check in with them and have new little dialogues or tidbits, and i love that there are absolutely batshit unhinged women in this dlc and i am so happy there are more than one. in no particular order, things i really liked about the npcs:

hornsent is my sweet cheese he is my guy. i was really rooting for him and as someone who went into this dlc as an attached weepy miquella fan, i was on his side before the dlc killed my hopes and dreams and dashed them against the rocks. character who abandons all sense of self and personhood to become the embodiment of their hurt and rage? faceless formless gnarled twig of a character with desiccated bugs all over his face? character who i can feed soup to? character who somewhat hates me? character who made me laugh following the messmer fight by calling him "your ugliness"?? his death was inevitable and i accepted it, because i agree with him. miquella should not take his revenge from him, there will be no forced absolution nor "gentle kindness" imposed upon him. this was the evil miquella i wanted, the god so compassionate that no discord nor hate could exist under his rule, and all will be enveloped in kindness. it is horrifying to discard the self when the self is entirely made of hurt, and it is horrifying to be robbed of personal agency. anyways i love hornsent.

freyja is so gleefully ready to commit unspeakable acts of violence and so genuinely happy and excited about it that it makes me squeal. i love a character that is so excited to punch things that they cant keep it to themselves. they are happy and thrilled to be in the dimension of violence and strife. and she's so nice! usually you see these people falling into the edgelord stereotype which i am not particularly fond of unless they're especially pathetic and camp about it, but she was just a joy to interact with. when she told me not to worry if we were to fight on opposing sides, she would gleefully meet my blade and it would be an honor to do so, i wasnt even sad! yeah! it will be fun freyja, thank you. little bit soured to her towards the end there where she learned about the incest plot and had no other reaction to that other than to be excited radahn would be back, but to be fair to her why would she give a shit about this. sure, freyja. i'm happy for you, glad you're enjoying this dlc.

speaking of unhinged women, leda is despicable. i love her. the point that she sees nothing wrong with herself or her actions is integrated into even the most inane little dialogues, the one that stuck with me was her explanation of the war with the hornsent- she said they were the losing side of a war, and it was a terrible shame what happened to them, but they were no victims. (they had it coming. further than that, it was right that they were the ones to lose, winning holds significance in terms of showing divine favor and justice. its a terrible shame what "happened" to them (passive word), but they were not victims, the actions of marika and messmer's army were somehow vindicated in their actions). she's another look at what i had hoped for with my evil miquella point. i will expand on this when i start ranting about miquella so put a pin in this for now.

moore. another point into the miquella as a refuge category, or miquella as the water that washes away, and provides absolution. outside of that though i'm always somewhat on my guard with a character who has a speech impediment and seems to have some kind of cognitive disability, but he made me happy to talk to. i don't know if what i'm feeling is unsure about how he's written, or just wishing for more from him, but the exchanges you have with him where its clear his motivations are intensely people-pleasing, and that he is honestly very sad as a person made me sad :( hes a big guy, and dangerous in a fight (as i figured out pretty fast after he downed me with scarlet rot) so its difficult to minimize this outward appearance to keep oneself a: safe and b: friendly or pitiable enough to others that they offer the sort of protection necessary in numbers in the situation he finds himself in. i think he makes sense as a character, and i think hes very concerned with the opinions of others and his helpfulness to them and his perception. and while i think the kindness and generosity is learned and a necessity, i also think he's just genuinely a kind person, which is why he's relying on his strengths like this. anyways, sorry moore. :(

igon is way too much and i'm so glad he's real. i genuinely cracked up when i summoned him for the bayle fight and cackling at him got me killed. i wasn't expecting him to scream his little heart out and then keep going. and then keep going again. he won't stop it's spectacular. another thing of note is that he didn't get a single hit off that entire fight for me, drawing his bow took too long, and he spent most of that fight flat on his back with the damage counter going up. it just made his shouting even funnier, i wasn't even mad he was awful as a summon, he was so funny i was just glad he was there as a morale boost. also appreciate that dragon priestess seemed pretty done with him. i hope everyone else can appreciate his autistic charm with me.

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT MIQUELLA NOW.

so i want to set the context for my dlc experience properly so everyone can understand where i'm coming from, because miquella was already a delicate character to like, and how they're a radioactive trash fire that's trying to kill me.

(also dlc confirms he/them miquella alongside he/him base game and she/her trina so you'll note the pronouns shift around. it's a little complicated given the whole trina splicing and diverging of identities thing so it'll be inconsistent, but hopefully everyone can tell who i'm talking about as i'm talking about them.)

having a character who is unspeakably old, but also has the physical appearance of an 8 year old is a red flag so large that anyone could see it, and i knew this from the moment i started picking up their lore in earnest. IN THEORY this could be a very compelling character, it has been done a couple times before well, and countless times before very poorly. i was not optimistic, and already in the base game his character was not treated as well as i would have preferred, but i was coping.

having someone who is trapped by their own body, or confined by both the perceptions of- and the realities of their body can be a compelling character. having someone who's life is impacted by perceptions of, judgements upon, limitations thereof of their body tends to be a character that i gravitate towards because surprise, this can be relatable for a lot of people- and a lot of different types of people. whatever allegory you're applying to this narrative of the disconnect between the body's presence in the world and the world's treatment and expectation of the body, i'm sure you can tell there's a broad scope of applications there. and then you add on this element where they're present in the realm of dreams. the implications of a god who walks dreams, the realm of the subconscious free of expectation and limitation, and then also is trapped by both a cursed body and the weight of duty, faith, and expectation, i enjoy these dynamics, i really do. it only helped that their gender was weird, and he walked dreams as a girl.

and the thing is, i've wanted him to be evil, i wanted him to be evil so bad you have no idea. not just because (by base game assumptions...) evil had been done to them, and theevil was a reaction to this, no! there was always something wrong with them, he was always scheming, they didn't turn evil.

the haligtree and their actions in going against the golden order are calculated- do i think their aspirations are better than his mother's? maybe? i think it's more the order he instates has the possibility of being better as a side-effect of his actions and they would have gone forward with their own ambitions with or without this possibility of things being measurably better. taking in a class of people subjugated by the current order to build their armies feels a bit cynical and calculated, no?

the second huge red flag was the bewitching branch item description. at first i was a bit thrilled, there! i said, there is the canon justification for my somewhat unfounded hopes for evil miquella! the suggestion that he is able to meddle with emotions and perceptions is a pretty troubling trait to have! especially by a character who is spoken of with both love and to a smaller degree hatred and fear! and then i spent longer than a few seconds thinking about this and was immediately worried about the implications that had on the mohg issue.

THE MOHG ISSUE.

so first things first, the existence of the dlc does not mean that suddenly mohg isn't bad gay rep anymore. like let me be clear here, for two years we had a gay pedophile in our triple a title who kidnapped his little brother for pretty unambiguously sexually charged reasons, the fact that the dlc seems to tack on an addendum of "oh by the way its actually not his fault and he didn't choose to do that" doesn't suddenly erase those two years, and the initial judgements a new player or someone who is unfamiliar with the lore might make. like that's bad, guys, that's pretty bad. i was really disappointed at the time that they had included this character archetype- moreso because i was a fan of their previous games that had their little nuggets of queer representation, and i made the mistake of expecting better from the developers and writers.

i was also mad because they didn't have to write it this way, this was a choice they made to include this, and it's my preference to not enjoy it, but it wasn't necessary at all. if the plot necessitated that something go wrong with miquella's cocoon and initial schemes for god pupation, it didn't have to be that his half brother kidnapped him.

(my borderline au content writing no one asked for: an alternative that i was fond of at the time (B.D., before dlc) was that proximity to malenia's rot could have caused him issues. you still have the issue of something has gone wrong, miquella remains asleep and rots in his cocoon, but you also have this element of the potential guilt on malenia's end- that would be incredible guilt to know she was at fault for the failure of all they had been working towards, and the added grim irony that (as we figured at the time) in shedding his curse in order to help her shed hers, she unintentionally sabotaged him by staying so close to "guard" him. it also involves malenia more in the game story, which was something i had hoped for a bit more of from the base game anyways.)

my concern over the bewitching branch lore can be summed up by saying this. having someone the story paints as the victim suddenly revealed to have wanted it all along, and been the instigator behind the assumed assault is shitty. it's just shitty. and i'll admit i might be more sensitive to this topic than the average elden ring player, so this is all colored by my opinions and biases, but it's bad taste. it's not a fun surprising revelation, it's not a plot twist you feel particularly excited about, you feel bad, and then you feel confused. I like the lore of elden ring, i've spent a lot of time reading it and speculating on it, and it is confusing why miquella would be the one to instigate their own kidnapping and assault.

you would assume that their intended plan would be the plan A he was going with, stay in the cocoon, do his thing, remain in the haligtree so it is sustained and they are safe within it, let malenia handle the defense and conquest while he naps, wake up at some undetermined date with his goals achieved (whatever those mysterious goals may be) and continue on with later stages of their plans. and you would assume that being ripped from the haligtree and doused in blood in a basement somewhere was not within the bounds of his plan A. part of why i dared to hope that i was reading too much into the potential mind-control thing was because it didn't seem like mohg's actions were benefiting miquella's plan in any way- it seemed pretty bad. the haligtree was dying, malenia was rotting, their body looked to be in pretty awful shape, and even their allies did not know where he was.

BACK TO THE DLC.

the dlc did not really expand the context in a way that made this make sense to me. context that he was discarding his body entirely made sense for miquella's character, and if they didn't care about the state of their body, i guess he wouldn't care that his body was taken from where it was abandoned- but it didn't seem like that was their intention to abandon his flesh from the start? or if it was, that they placed his flesh within the haligtree for a reason, and i'd assume he'd have wanted it to stay there. if they were concerned that his flesh was no longer safe in the haligtree and wanted it spirited away by any means necessary (i.e. "kidnapping"), first off i'm unsure of the danger that would cause that, but second off if he didn't care about their flesh- see earlier point- why would they care if it was endangered within the haligtree enough to have it kidnapped? so, this already doesn't make sense to me, and the added justification of oh, he just has the hots for their brother, this isn't satisfying to me. sure i don't enjoy it as a story element in general, but past that it just doesn't feel like a satisfying justification in context. he's ambitious and he's seeing his ambitions through by any means possible, why would they act in this selfish manner that seems to be detrimental to their own ambitions?

issues with the sense of the mohg situation aside, why radahn? the justification given in item descriptions and dialogue states that miquella found him sure and kind and worthy of being a lord in contrast to the conflict, fragmentation, and personal afflictions they were facing, but. why radahn? i liked radahn, i'll gladly point out that yes, he does seem to satisfy all of these character traits, but there isn't any established context between them. miquella doesn't interact with radahn in the base game, malenia dooms him to walk the battlefield addled by scarlet rot and reduced to an empty husk, and if it was miquella's intent to have him be their consort from the start, this paints malenia in a pretty negative light, no? we were led to believe they were a united front, her and miquella, that many of his actions were for her benefit, and they worked so hard in part because of his desire to cure them BOTH of their afflictions, especially and explicitly her affliction. so she's sabotaged miquella's plans? for what reason, did she not agree with it, did she hate radahn? there's no explanation given for this, like how there is no further explanation as to why it is radahn miquella is so hell bent on bringing back to life.

which is odd when you consider that there is another demigod who meets miquella's criteria, was definitely loved by miquella, seemed to be loved by malenia, seems to be depicted in the haligtree, and miquella was previously confirmed to have been trying to bring back to life. where the hell is godwyn?

let me clarify here, i do not like this plotline they have created where miquella apparently has the hots for every other brother in his family, i don't tend to appreciate incest as it occurs in stories, and if it were my choice i would just choose not to include it. i also understand that plenty of people don't care about that, and that media like game of thrones that features incest pretty prominently within the story is beloved by mainstream audiences. i am also aware of the historical trend of royalty being inbred and incest existing on a sliding scale of taboo through the millennia. the greek gods are all siblings, i still enjoy greek myths, etc. etc.. so if i were the sole writer for elden ring and was beholden to no one the story i would write would diverge from the current canon and i would not write myself into a position where miquella is marrying their brother because personally i do not enjoy this. this is not the reality we live in, and this is not the story we got.

within the framework of their story, it should have been godwyn, and i have no idea why it wasn't. i can speculate all i want, was it misplaced fanservice because people liked radahn? was it a plot twist executed poorly, is there some other reason im missing but someone else has pieced together and they'll call me an idiot over? i don't know, and i also sort of don't care, it doesn't make sense, and it also disregards a lot about radahn's character than i and others liked to get him to fit into this weird situation.

where is his horse? if miquella cared for him, and they were able to bring back a whole demigod, was it so impossible to resurrect his beloved horse? if miquella didn't care about him enough to bring back his horse, wouldn't radahn put up a fuss about that? if miquella was controlling him to agree to being his consort, and didn't allow for him to be concerned about his horse, this raises a few more questions about malenia fighting radahn and destroying all of caelid- and likely everywhere else if the fires at the borders of caelid ever go out. was he always controlling radahn, were they ever controlling radahn? what are the limits of this control, what are the rules, if any? there are too many frustrating elements that make very little sense about radahn.

conversely, these elements make a lot more sense when applied to godwyn, and it pisses me off that it seems like, to my speculative eyes, they pivoted away from him. it would make sense why they would need a body to resurrect him when he is just a deceased soul, and his body is busy being a tumor. you could argue radahn's body was not in great shape and was eaten by alexander, and that's a completely fair point, but to me godwyn makes much more sense. not to mention, again, miquella had been explicitly trying to bring godwyn back in the base game.

(and this is a smaller gripe, but radahn's previous boss model had no feet. in his lore they discuss him riding his horse, and then learning the gravity magic to lessen the load on his horse so he could keep riding it. like yes the missing feet could be chalked up to rot, but he also just could have not had feet and was using his beloved mobility horse and the gravity magic to get around the challenge of not being able to walk. i thought that was cool if true, and it was a little speculative thing about his character i really loved, and that just kind of got thrown out with the dlc too so i guess i'll have to die mad.)

was it really necessary to have the assumed sa victim with the body of a child secretly be the instigator and assaulter all along? and then to add insult to injury not even have their actions make any sense within the existing plot? like was that all entirely necessary.

OTHER DLC LORE OPINIONS

you might be surprised to learn that i did not hate most of the other dlc lore.

miquella using mohg's body as fuel to resurrect their consort, while fucked up, i think could work with character motivations. especially if he was holding a grudge towards mohg, or mohg's actions were in fact antithetical to their plans, or he wasn't the one in control of mohg's actions. it could make sense that he would want to humiliate him (as ansbach mentions a few times...). and as i've said before i think miquella is fucked up, i think they do bad things, i think their moral compass is skewed, i think he's a creature of ambition and spite. i could see a world in which he does this out of hatred and spite, but in the situation they've set up where miquella was the one potentially compelling mohg? it lessens that spite, why would they be so hateful or willing to humiliate him if they were the one to compel his actions? you could just say oh, miquella is cruel and messed up like that and he's doing it for the hell of it, but it's not that compelling and doesn't make it as interesting. it just kind of feels gross. so yeah, in the current story i'm not a huge fan, but i see the potential here.

marika's character development was genuinely cool to me- and i understand i'm speculating and i've been speculating this whole time, but that's my business and and i acknowledge it's speculative. marika as a hornsent is a really cool concept to me, and it makes pieces of the main game make more sense. it makes her motivations make more sense, adds color to her character (and she was already interesting to me) and even though this dlc is like a lot of their other dlcs where it adds characters and backstory for no reason and does the ds3 thing of surprise! more secret children! i enjoyed it. it gives her more of a why past judgements of her personal moral character, it grounds her more, i like it. i also enjoyed the tidbits with the pots and sages, further (if not vague) developments with the outer gods. like this is speculative lore than i enjoy, and it's the kind of stuff i was excited for in the dlc.

as i said before elden ring kind of did the ds3 thing where they just added a secret child that was suddenly plot relevant and added a bunch of unnecessary lore, but i didn't really care too much in ds3 and i don't care here. messmer's voice actor is funny and messmer himself is compelling enough that i'm fine with not taking things too seriously. it helps that without messmer there is not hornsent, and a dlc without hornsent is a dlc i wouldn't have finished. (genuinely, i was so discouraged by the main story plot revelations i didn't feel like it was worth it to finish the dlc, but i felt bad leaving hornsent unresolved so i killed messmer. and then just finished the dlc anyways, so thanks hornsent.)

truly and genuinely i was happy with st. trina. i was so excited she was included in this, i've been a st. trina truther for too long and i don't even know what that means because there were like two sentences about her in the whole game, but she's great. i could take or leave thiollier, on the one hand having a creep as a character is fine and hes written in a way that feels believably creepy while also like hes enough of a 3 dimensional character that he has his own personality and motivations, but him included with miquella being elected the president of incest for no reason was a bit of a sour note.

the idea that miquella is discarding his body, and every piece he discards is a piece that they may hate, but they also have to discard those pieces that he doesn't hate, and their power, and all that he is, that's a real sacrifice and i think it speaks to the depth their character COULD HAVE HAD. that and their very clear conflict with their own gender, and conflict with himself over his actions. they discarded the girl sleeping within them and locked her in a pit in the ground so that none would find her. and he discarded with her their love, and the "treacherous" parts of himself that doubted, and disagreed, and with this he was able to become more resolute on their path. trina disagrees entirely with miquella's path to godhood and begs you to kill him, pities him, says their path is destroying him, and those are all doubts he has discarded with her. it is genuinely sad to me that this is not the side of miquella that we get to enjoy as a character because of all of the rest of the mess that's thrown on top in the dlc.

and of course i'm mad because he's acting like marika, they're shaving off pieces of themself and sacrificing for ambition, and they're becoming her while he's intent on being the opposite of everything she stood for, and we were so close to having this. we were so close.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

so far as gameplay goes, i enjoyed this dlc and it did a good job of replicating that feeling of playing elden ring and exploring again in its condensed and familiar setting. i like a lot of their new mechanics and ideas they introduced, though some of the later bosses fumbled it for me balancing the difficulty with actually enjoyable boss fights that feel fun to play.

the main story pissed me off so bad i almost put down the dlc, and erased all excitement i had to play it (even keeping in mind the reservations i already had going in). the side stories were frustratingly fun and compelling when compared to the main story being such a trash fire. i wish things were different but they are not, and i am very disappointed.

if you actually read all of this bless you, i hope you have a beautiful day.

#elden ring dlc #shadow of the erdtree #elden ring dlc spoilers #shadow of the erdtree spoilers #sote spoilers #im tagging all the variations of those because this is spoilers taken to the extreme #also im being negative and i dont want people to feel bad abt enjoying something i feel negatively about #like im just a person and my opinion shouldnt matter to you like that.#also i genuinely enjoyed parts of this dlc which is why im so passionately mad about it.#but also thank you for asking for my opinions. ( ◡‿◡ *)#i didnt talk as much about my re-writing because the review itself was way too long but i threw in snippets here and there #peace and love

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