#but i've seen all the art n i've listened to yeah n then stuff other stuff

[noxtivagus]

LINGERING ECHOES WILL RUIN ME

[thatfandomslut]

Social Pariahs

Janis Imi'ike x Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Trigger Warning: shameless flirting, cringy pick up lines, two anarchists in love (sry not sry)

Request:

please do a Janis x reader where the reader is new at school and doesn’t want to get into the social pyramid and they are outcasts together idk some fluffy stuff

Mean Girls requests are open.

Janis Imi'ike would be lying if she wasn't enamored by the new girl. She was just so cool. For starters, the Plastics offered her a spot at their table, and she swiftly shot them down, opting for a seat by herself in the lunch room. Watching Regina's face fall as she tried to hide the shock with a scowl was honestly Janis's favorite thing to ever happen. Additionally, they shared three classes: chemistry, English, and, most importantly, art. That was how Janis learned how amazing the new girl was with a paintbrush as she finished an art assignment on the inner self.

"Ms. (L/n)," the teacher cleared his throat, analyzing the canvas. On it displayed the brain on fire. A worry line slowly appeared on the teacher's face before a forced smile fell on his lips as he put the canvas back onto the easel. "Would you like the pleasure of explaining your art as a way to also get to know everyone a bit better?"

It was obvious that (Y/n) didn't want to as she pondered for a moment. "Okay, yeah, sure." (Y/n) stood up, removing the smock that covered her clothes. Though, the paint did find its way to her hands, arms, and face. Janis watched intently, her chin resting on her fist. She knew that if Damian was there, she would be receiving the biggest side-eye in the entire world. Thankfully, within the four walls of the classroom, she was safe from his judgmental stare as she admired the girl from afar. "My name is (Y/n). My art on the inner self represents how I feel the school system is doing more harm than good by frying our brains as they mold us into the people they want us to be rather than the people we want to be." (Y/n) said, sitting back down as the teacher stared in shock.

After a moment, he cleared her throat as he looked around. The other students, with the exception of Janis, seemed to be just as shocked and in a brief moment of confusion. "Right, right… Thank you, (Y/n)." He said, feeling slightly resigned as he plopped back into his chair. He had the sudden realization that one, he didn't get paid enough for this shit, and two, she was going to be a brilliant artist one day using her political ideologies to guide her.

Janis stared brightly at the girl but quickly looked away when they made eye contact with each other. Janis didn't notice the girl approaching her work. It was a small version of her with Cady and Damian with music notes and horror movies stitched over her paint strokes. "Your work is really cool." (Y/n) said, startling Janis, who looked over. She was at a loss for words. She had so much she wanted to say but couldn't. She finally understood how Cady felt about Regina and Aaron. "Are they your friends? I've seen you with him, but who is she? Your girlfriend?" The girl inquired, pointing over at Cady.

"Cady? No, no. She is not my girlfriend. She's cool and all but not for me." Janis said, waving off the feeling of embarrassment that wanted to stain her cheeks a bright shade of red. There was a small hint of a smile on (Y/n)'s lips as she listened to Janis. "I- I notice you sit alone at lunch. Is there anyone I can convince you to sit with Damian and me?" Janis offered, a feeling of dread settling on her chest as she feared rejection.

However, the familiar blow never hit. "Yeah, sure, as long as you're not a part of whatever weird social pyramid scheme that the rest of the school seems to be in." She said as the bell rang. Grabbing her bag, (Y/n) offered Janis a wave that caused Janis to feel like she was floating momentarily. While Cady described the feeling she had for Regina and Aaron to make her feel 'stupid with love,' Janis felt confident. (Y/n) was so beautiful and they shared so many of the same ideas (though she only knew two of them). Janis couldn't help but find herself crushing on (Y/n).

At lunch the next day, (Y/n) showed up, standing behind Janis. "Excuse me, ma'am," Damian smirked over to Janis when (Y/n) began speaking. Janis went red as she looked behind her with a sheepish smile. "I might not be a photographer, but I could see us together." (Y/n) said playfully as she sat next to Regina. Once again, she had rendered the very outspoken Janis speechless. Damian could almost applaud the action teasingly, but he could see how nervous his best friend was. Mercy was Janis's friend that day, and Damian accepted that.

When Janis still said nothing, Damian stepped in to transfer the attention onto himself. "So, (Y/n), Janis tells me you're an amazing artist. Are you entering the art show with Janis?" He questioned, hoping the new conversation would help Janis ease herself out of the shell she had put herself in. "I heard there was potential scholarship money for the winner," Damian added, trying to recall everything that Janis had shared with him. Janis looked over at (Y/n), wondering if she was going to put her artwork in, too.

"Yeah, I was considering it. I was looking through the categories. I was thinking about doing a portrait, but anything I could create would never achieve what Janis's art does." She said, glancing over at Janis who perked up at the mention of the category. She wouldn't want to compete with (Y/n), but she was curious to see what she could paint. "But, there are several different sub-categories with different awards. I might do that so I could get a sense of the competition for next year. I like to scout the competition before entering my work so I know how hard I have to go."

Damian nodded thoughtfully, gently kicking Janis under the table so she would finally say something. "I think you should enter. Your work is amazing. Like the Brain on Fire piece? It was so amazing, and Mr. Callahan didn't even know what to say. You're are speaks volumes. I hope you do enter." Janis gushed unintentionally, hoping she wasn't rambling. Pink dust covered (Y/n)'s cheeks as she looked down in order to allow her hair to hide the blush and the smile that was growing on her face.

Finally, giving herself grace since she knew it was a natural reaction, she looked up at Janis. "Okay, I'll consider it. I am working on something new. I've been going to the art room every free period to work on it." She said thoughtfully at first as she grew more confident. "I think it could work. Mr. Callahan says it looks amazing so far. Though, I think he's scared of me." (Y/n) jested, causing Janis to laugh. Mr. Callahan did indeed keep his distance after (Y/n)'s response last class. "Wait until he finds out I'm a pyromaniac anarchist who loves putting fire and politics in my art to spread my messages." She said with a giant smirk. Janis didn't know she could fall more until that moment and the weeks that followed.

"Hello, may I have your attention please?" Principal Duvall's voice filled the halls just in time for morning announcements. Janis barely had it in her to pay attention since she was texting (Y/n). For about three weeks now, she had been flirting and trying to build the courage to ask (Y/n) on a date. "I want to first announce that there are two students we need to wish luck to. Miss Janis Imi'ike and Miss (Y/n) (L/n) are finalists at the Illinois Art Expo this Saturday. Go lions! Even for art." Principal Duvall said as Damian looked over at Janis cheering 'Art! Art! Art!' Janis could barely think for a moment as she went to text (Y/n), only to receive a congratulations message first.

At lunch, Janis was excited to see (Y/n) in person since the announcement. She was practically buzzing with excitement to ask if she wanted to go with her and Damian. So much so that Damian gently reminded her to calm down because she was shaking the table as her knee bounced in participation. "Hey, Damian," (Y/n) greeted as she sat beside Janis. "Hello, my fellow finalist." (Y/n) winked, nudging Janis softly with her elbow. There was a giant grin on her face, showing that she was just as excited as Janis was.

"Hey, congratulations on being a finalist. I knew that you would be. Quick question, by the way… Since Cady is going with her mom somewhere this weekend, there is enough room on Damian's hot ride. Do you want to come with us on Saturday?" Janis questioned as Damian instinctively smirked at the two. He did it every time one of them joined the other. "I promise it'll be a safe ride. If we hit a bump, I'll hold you close."

(Y/n) looked over at Janis, a small smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. "I know you would, babe. I want to say yes but my dad wants to take me." She said with a soft pout. But none of that mattered because Janis was stuck on the fact that (Y/n) had just called her babe. Janis smiled to herself as Damian looked over to see if she'd say something. "I definitely will find you when I get there. I want to see your work. I'm excited to see what you've done." (Y/n) put a hand on Janis's knee gently, and Janis's already red cheeks turned maroon as she smiled more.

That Saturday, the art expo was buzzing, and (Y/n) found herself waiting on Janis at the front while her father wandered through the building to look at the other artworks. "Hey, you," (Y/n) turned to see Janis and Damian riding in on a scooter. A laugh bubbled through her chest as she looked over at them with her brows raised. "Like our sweet ride?" Janis questioned as Damian went up the ramp to make his way over to them. Janis got off, wrapping her arms around (Y/n) as Damian parked the scooter by the bike rack, and put a bike security chain on it to make sure no one drove away with it.

"I love it," (Y/n) chuckled, allowing her arms to envelope Janis, too with a smile. Their cheeks were both burning, but neither broke the hug. "I definitely wasn't expecting it. I thought Damian would be coming in a car with the bass-boosting Nicki Minaj or Beyonce."

Damian gasped, pleased by how well (Y/n) knew him. "You know me too well." He wiped a fake tear away as he approached the two with a grin. He didn't want to interrupt their moment, but it was cold outside and he was ready to see the works that they had been talking up so much (even though neither one of them had seen it yet. "Let's go, lesbian, let's go." He gently gestured for them to go inside, causing them to hesitantly spill up and head inside as they headed for the North Shore High table.

On one side of the table was a group portrait of Cady, Damian, (Y/n), and Janis. "Wow, Janis," (Y/n) grinned widely. "This is freaking incredible." She had to resist her fingers tracing the string that was stitched into the canvas, over Janis's broad brushstrokes. She was constantly amazed by Janis's works and talents. "You won first place!" (Y/n) pointed over at the ribbon. As she looked back at Janis, she noticed the girl wasn't paying attention. Instead, Janis's focus was on (Y/n)'s work.

Nerves exploded in (Y/n)'s chest as she hoped Janis liked it. It was a portrait of Janis with poetry placed around her in calligraphy. Her jaw was dropped as she looked over at (Y/n). Before (Y/n) could say anything, Janis kissed her deeply. Her eyes widened before she kissed back, her hands moving to the back of Janis's neck to pull her closer. Damian looked around for a brief moment before slipping away to give them privacy. "I've never been captured like that before," Janis spoke in a hushed tone, smiling at (Y/n).

"Well, I've been trying to figure out how to ask you on a date since the day I first talked to you. I figured this might be the best icebreaker." (Y/n) said, pressing soft kissing to Janis's cheek. Janis grinned at the action, biting her lip. "I wanted to paint you because nothing makes me feel more passionate than when I think of you. You've encouraged me to go after what I love in art and you've helped me grow. Not only as an artist but as a person." (Y/n) expressed, her fingers intertwining their fingers gently. She was thankful that Janis felt the same since she was nervous about how the art would be perceived.

"I love it," Janis's breath was absolutely taken away by the art and over the fact she kissed (Y/n). "And, I like you, too. I thought you were cool before we officially met. But your Brain of Fire art piece is what made me fall for you. You were so cool and outspoken. I really like that about you. I just really like you." Janis shared with a soft smile. (Y/n) grinned at this before kissing Janis again. Happiness swelled through the two, and the Art Expo around them seemed to fade as they stayed in each other's arms for a couple more long moments.

As (Y/n) pulled away, she kissed Janis's cheek gently. "My dad is going to be looking for me at some point. I should go find him. I'll pick you up at six on Saturday?" She waited a moment for Janis to nod. (Y/n) grinned widely before waving back at Janis. She couldn't believe that they had finally kissed. She couldn't wait for their date. Everything felt like it was finally falling into place in her life, and she felt excited and lucky to experience that with Janis.

A voice broke her from her thoughts, causing her to turn around. "(Y/n), wait," Janis called, holding the canvas with (Y/n)'s work. (Y/n)'s brows rose as she looked at Janis. "Don't forget your artwork." She said, passing the canvas over.

(Y/n) shook her head, pushing it back into Janis's hands gently. "It's for you, Janis Imi'ike." She teased out Janis's last name as she winked back at the girl. "I'll see you later, babe." And just like that, she left Janis there with her heart beating quickly and a stupid grin on her lips because she called her babe.

[jinhyun]

—drunk words.

pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader

genre: fluff, slight angst, college au, dance major hyunjin, art major reader, it's complicated kinda relationship

word count: 8.8k (my apologies once again)

summary: there is a saying about drunk words being sober thoughts. tonight, you really wish that applies to hyunjin.

warnings: drinkingggg (alcohol lol), cursing, one mention of throwing up (no one actually throws up), sexual comments as usual, MINORS DNI!!!!

a/n: so... i can't write anything short for shit when it comes to watercolor apparently 💀 but i've been away for a good while so let me just be self indulgent for my return lmao. anywayyy, this is part 46 of watercolor, i hope you guys enjoy and please, please, pleaaaaase let me know your thoughts and come gossip with me about it, i've missed doing that :')

Hyunjin was not happy.

Although his eyes had lightened up at the sight of you the moment he spotted you in between the crowd, it did not take a genius to notice he was not his happiest right then.

And how could he? You had been gone for nearly two hours now with no other than the guy you used to have a friends with benefits dynamics going on with. Granted, Changbin was one of his best friends and he trusted him, but that did not mean he would jump up and down with excitement every time the two of you made plans together, much less if said plans involved the two of you alone, without him.

So, it was fair to say, seeing the two of you arrive together at the bar, although he had seen it coming, did only add fuel to the fire that had been growing inside him that night.

"What took you two so long?" Chan asked, and Hyunjin could only internally thank him for saving him from having to ask you that question himself.

"We just got a bit caught up" Changbin admitted, taking a seat on the empty spot in between Lix and Minho.

"Doing what?" Hyunjin couldn't stop himself from bitterly asking, eyes focused on the drink he was currently swirling in his hand.

"Talking" you answered the obvious, catching his attention as you sat beside him on the booth.

And maybe, just maybe, the way you had leaned slightly in against his body and your arm had wrapped around his bicep, the next second taking it one step further by intertwining your fingers with his very receptive ones, was enough to make him feel at ease.

"So?" your eyes moved back to your friends, not without first having given Hyunjin's hand a reassuring squeeze. "What did we miss?"

"Not much," Minho shrugged, taking a sip of his beer. "Just lots of drinking".

"That's it?" you laughed.

"Yeah, we played truth or dare for a while, so you guys missed out on some pretty spicy stuff" Han filled you in with a playful smirk.

"Oh, and Felix hyung got a girl's number" Jeongin informed with a proud yet teasing smile.

"No way!" you excitedly covered your mouth with your free hand.

"Yah, don't make it sound like an impossible occurrence now" Felix whined, earning laughs from all of you. "She just came up to me and, well…"

"Are you calling her?" Bin moved his eyebrows up and down in a teasing manner.

Felix shrugged, a small smile curving up his mouth as he stared into his cup. "Maybe…"

You and Chaeryeong squealed in excitement, not missing another second to start talking Felix into it and managing to get everyone else involved in the conversation, as everyone seemed to have a say on whether Lix should hit the stranger up or not.

Everyone but Hyunjin, you couldn't help but realise.

While all your friends went on and on about their different points, he remained quiet next to you, only listening to what they all had to say, if even that, since he looked more spaced out than anything — his mouth opening every now and then only to take a sip of his drink, as words seemed to be something he refused to let out of it.

"I'm sorry I took too long with Changbin…" you apologised when you guessed what must've been going through his head, speaking low enough for only Hyunjin to hear.

He shrugged, not finding it in him to look up at you. "You wouldn't answer my texts".

A small sigh escaped your lips. "My phone was in my bag, I wasn't paying attention to it. I should've known you'd try to contact me and keep it next to me, I'm sorry".

Hyunjin nodded, yet as expected said nothing.

Biting on your bottom lip, you reached your hand up to cup his cheek and make him look at you. When he didn't protest and his face was now only a couple of centimeters from yours, you pressed a gentle kiss to the tip of his nose.

"I'm really sorry, Jinnie" you apologised once more, this time looking into his already softening eyes. "I promise nothing happened, we were just talking while having dinner and got a bit too caught up in the conversation. It won't happen again, hm?"

You could tell he was not entirely convinced yet, but the small nod and the weak smile he gave you was enough for you to start smothering him with kisses all over his face.

You managed to get a giggle out of him right as your eager lips had been pressed under his chin and reached down to his neck, being stopped by his hand cupping your cheek and guiding you back up, right onto his lips.

It didn't take you long to react and wrap an arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss by simply touching his bottom lip with your tongue — that being all he needed to gently pull at your hair and have you tilt your head back, so he could slide his tongue into your mouth and softly meet yours.

"You guys go get a room" Seungmin's disgusted voice had you two faintly pulling away.

"Leave them, they're cute" Cherry pouted.

He shrugged, nonchalantly bringing his cup up to his lips. "We're cuter".

"Ew, and you have the audacity to tease us?" Hyunjin called him out, smoothly resting his arm around your shoulders and letting his hand fall loosely over your chest.

"At least they're not sucking faces right in front of us" Han joined in.

"Not today, maybe" Lix mumbled, earning a glare from Seungmin.

"In Y/N's defense, she hardly ever makes out with Hyunjin hyung in public" Jeongin took your side.

"Oh no, I've seen them" Minho shut his argument down immediately.

"Can we all just agree that both couples are disgusting?" Chan proposed, getting instant affirmation from everyone but the couples in question.

"You guys are just mad that you don't get smooched every day" Chaeryeong childishly stuck her tongue out.

"Then can Y/N go smooch Hwang somewhere else since they get to do it everyday anyway?" Minho asked with a cynical smile.

"Nope," you mirrored his feigned cheerfulness, leaning into Hyunjin's chest as your hand went up to intertwine with his. "I'm asking for forgiveness here".

"Go ask for your boyfriend's forgiveness in his bedroom then" Changbin taunted.

Hearing everyone laugh, you played off the burning feeling in your cheeks with a roll of eyes. "He's not my boyfriend".

The whole table erupted in laughter once more, as they called you out on not believing shit of what had just came out of your mouth.

Everyone knew you were joking, for the lack of label in your relationship did not make any difference when it came to the way the two of you acted around each other — and that was, like an actual, established couple.

But although everyone laughed, not everyone was amused.

So you knew the moment Hyunjin's hold on your hand loosened up and his body tensed up against yours.

You weren't sure why, but suddenly it felt like you had just managed to beat an obstacle only to stumble with another one.

-—-—-—-—-—-—-♡

A part of you wanted to believe you were overthinking. The part of you that would always overthink everything and come up with scenarios that would only make you anxious wanted to believe you were doing just that now. The sight of Hyunjin right next to you, however, told you otherwise.

You had physically felt his mood drop the moment you said he was not your boyfriend. You had felt his hand loosen up its hold on yours.

He had carried on with the conversation all of you were having like nothing had happened, laughing and joking around just like he would always do, but you could feel him distant from you. And now that some of them were at the bar and some others at the dance floor, leaving the two of you oh-so-conveniently alone at the table, not a word had been spoken.

He was avoiding eye contact. He was avoiding your touch. Playing the lack of them off by drinking and staring into the dance floor like it was the most interesting sight ever.

You were not making all of that up, you were sure.

What you couldn't fully grasp your mind around was the reason for the sudden drop in his mood. You were not lying. In fact, you were sure you two had joked around like that before and everything had been just fine. Or maybe you had been too blind to realise it had bothered him all along.

Whatever it was about your remark that had managed to touch a nerve of his this time around, you needed to find out so you could make it better.

"Are you mad at me?" you asked, leaning closer to him so you could be soft-spoken and still be heard.

"Why would I be mad?" he answered dryly as ever, no eye contact at all.

You felt your heart sink.

"Was it something I said?" you carefully asked once more.

His unamused eyes —finally— fixed on you. "You know what you said".

"I don't get why you're mad about it, though?" you mumbled, unable to find the right words. "We're not official yet…"

"I know that, Y/N," he snapped. "Trust me, I know we're not official, it's not that I'm mad about".

"Then?" you pushed it.

"Why did you have to go and remind Changbin hyung about it?"

Your eyebrows furrowed in genuine confusion. "I wasn't reminding him… if anything, he knows already".

"Yes, but it's just," he sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair out of frustration. "It's the entire situation, Y/N. Like, you went to our place and stayed there with him alone—"

"I went to see you and you weren't there" you corrected him.

"But you decided to stay there with him when I asked you to come here and even offered to go get you. And then you went out to eat with him, wouldn't reply to my texts, got here way later than expected, and then proceeded to tell him I'm not your boyfriend?" he recriminated, and it finally hit you how wrong it had looked in his eyes and how upsetting the whole thing was.

Your heart sunk once more, this time over knowing you had hurt the person you loved the most, even if you had not meant it.

"Hyunjin…"

"Can you try and understand how fucking shitty that felt?"

"I know, and I'm s—"

"Like, how would you feel if I told Yerim you're not my girlfriend right in front of you".

You stayed still, that name alone being enough to feel like a bucket of ice cold water had been poured over you.

"What does she have to do with this?"

"Nothing, it's just an example".

"Why is she the first example to come to mind, then?"

"She just is," he blurted out, growing more frustrated by the second.

"So you still think about her?"

"No! That's not—it's just the closest to your situationship with Changbin".

"There is no 'situationship' between me and Changbin" you made it clear. "We're friends".

"With benefits" he bitterly remarked.

"We were friends with benefits" you corrected. "That ended as soon as you kissed me. We're friends now. Just friends. And he's one of your best friends too, we would never deliberately do anything to hurt you. It's very different to you and Yerim".

"Right, it is very different" he agreed. "Because I never actually got to fuck her".

"And you regret not doing it?" both your words and the venom they held caught him off guard.

"What?"

"The way you said it made it sound like you would've liked to actually get to fuck her" you couldn't help the small crack in your voice and the annoying gloss in your eyes. "Because if that's the case then be my guest".

"No," Hyunjin shook his head accusingly. "No, you don't get to turn this around and get all defensive and jealous, this isn't about her".

"Well, you just made it about her, Hyunjin" you backed slightly away. "And I do get to be jealous of the girl you wanted to get with so bad that you didn't want her to see you with me".

"It was once, Y/N" he pointed out. "I pushed you away once because of her and then I chose you over her every single time".

You remained quiet, staring at the table as you were unable to look him in the eye right then and let him see the tears that you were hardly holding back.

"Baby," he called you, leaning in to try and make you look at him but with no success whatsoever. "I don't regret not getting with her. Anything I ever wanted with her was gone the moment I kissed you, too. I don't want her, I only want you…"

You said nothing.

"Y/N…" he softly called you once more.

You nodded in response, still not looking up at him.

Hyunjin sighed, feeling his chest tighten painfully at the beaten up sight of you. Suddenly, you felt distant, as if you had built an invisible wall in between the two of you and he could not get through it to save his life.

"It was just an example…"

"And you brought your point across. I would feel very shitty if you ever told Yerim I'm not your girlfriend, whether you said it right in front of me or not. Happy?"

"Baby, that's not—"

"I had already realised I was at fault and was about to apologise, though, because I really do hate that I put you through that with Changbin today and I am really, really sorry about it" your eyes went up to meet his, and although they showed how genuine you were being about being sorry, they also showed just how hurt you were, all because of him. "But oh well, thank you for the eye opening scenario, I guess".

"Y/N…"

"Everything okay?" Cherry's careful voice snapped both of you out of it, bringing your eyes up to be met not only with her worried expression, but Seungmin's right next to her.

You were fast to nod, sneakily wiping a tear that was about to fall, which did not go unnoticed by Hyunjin. Not sparing him another glance, you stood up to go to Cherry, snatching your hand away from his grasp the second he tried to hold it and make you stay.

"I'm getting a drink, come with me?" you asked Chaeryeong.

She nodded immediately, helping you out of the booth. "Of course, let's go".

On the other hand, Seungmin stood there, eyes scanning the heartbroken expression on his friend's face as he watched you leave towards the bar.

"Do I wanna know?" he asked.

Hyunjin shook his head no in frustration, leaning his head back against the seat and shutting his eyes close as he tried to contain the tears that had just started forming in them.

-—-—-—-—-—-—-♡

"Okay, you need to stop drinking" Seungmin stated, placing his hand on top of Hyunjin's glass before taking it away.

Hyunjin glared at him, but ultimately said nothing. Instead, he focused on you from afar.

It must've been a little over thirty minutes since you and Chaeryeong had been sitting down by the bar. He could only see your back from where he was sitting, but he felt at ease when he watched you throw your head back and let out what he could tell was a throaty laugh of yours — one of those genuine ones he loved hearing so much, even more when he was the reason for it.

At least your friend had succeeded at making you feel better after your previous argument.

He, on the other hand, had been sulking next to Seungmin for the past half an hour. Drinking his feelings away had seemed to be the way to go, and although Seungmin had initially decided to just let it slide and keep him company during his self-destructive ways, he could tell when enough was enough.

"Why don't you just go talk to her?" he questioned.

Hyunjin shrugged, leaning back against his seat. "I don't think she wants to hear me out right now".

Seungmin sighed. "What even happened for it to get that bad so fast?"

"I brought Yerim up".

Seungmin blinked in disbelief, feeling astounded to say the least. "What could possibly have happened for you to bring her of all people up".

"I'm an idiot," Hyunjin lamented, reaching for the drink Min had previously taken from him and downing it in one go. "That's what happened".

"And all of this because she got here later than she said she would?"

"No, it's not…" a heavy sigh escaped his lips. "It's much more than that. Mainly about her and Changbin hyung".

"They're just friends, Hyunjin".

"Now they are," he nodded, not being able to let go of their past together. "I just hated that they were alone for so long tonight, and that she felt the need to make it clear I'm not her boyfriend to him".

"So that's what this is about," Seungmin sighed, finally understanding the core of your argument. "You do realise she was just joking, right? Like, we all laughed because it was just that obvious".

"Was it?"

"Come on, man" he nudged him. "Even if you guys are not official, you two are exclusive. Do labels really matter when you both know you're together and serious about each other?"

Hyunjin stayed silent for a moment, trying to process his friend's words.

"We never established we're exclusive…"

"It's Y/N we're talking about" Seungmin reminded him. "She was faithful as hell to you even before you even made a move on her, why would it be any different now that you actually are head over heels for her? And you haven't even looked at someone else all this time, so…" he shrugged. "Some things are just unspoken, it doesn't mean they aren't there".

"I just… got insecure".

"More like jealous" Seungmin mumbled.

Hyunjin smiled weakly. "Insecure, genuinely. Sure, I tend to always get jealous, and I admit there was a bit of jealousy in there, too, but… I just got so fucking insecure when she corrected him, because yeah, she was faithful to me before and whatnot but Changbin hyung was the one exemption to it, and at the end of the day she's the one who gets to make the call and she can realise she'd rather be with someone else and choose Bin hyung over me any time".

"What do you mean?"

"I mean exactly that" he shrugged. "I'm in this kind of trial, trying to prove to her that I'm serious about my feelings for her, and I… if it were up to me we would already be official as hell, but she's the one who gets to decide that, and until then I'm just… hand tied".

"I don't think you are, though?" Seungmin's words got Hyunjin tilting his head in confusion. "I mean… you guys are an actual couple by now, you're pretty much only missing the labels, and I'm sure Y/N would say yes in a heartbeat if you asked her to be your girlfriend".

Hyunjin sighed, nervously biting his lip as he looked in your direction once again.

Maybe you would've before. After your argument, however, he was not so sure anymore.

He just kept fucking up over and over when it came to you, and he was scared all the progress the two of you had made so far, all the proof he had given you when it came to showing you he was serious about you this time, would come crashing down just because of this one slip up of his.

He should've kept quiet. Fuck, he should've shut his mouth the moment you had open yours to apologise. Everything would be so much different now if he learned to just not say the first thing that comes to mind without thinking about it first.

Then again, he had never been good at expressing himself, that you knew very well. Especially when it came to this kind of moments when he felt put on the spot.

He wished he could just turn back time and shut his fucking mouth.

Seeing Seungmin take the bottle of soju away from the corner of his eye, he gave up on both talking and drinking altogether, folding his arms over the table and resting his head on them, as he could feel all the alcohol he had drunk finally begin to hit.

-—-—-—-—-—-—-♡

Hyunjin didn't know how long it had been. Maybe twenty minutes, maybe ten. Maybe an hour, or even five minutes? All he knew was that he had passed out for a bit.

He didn't even know if his friends were around anymore or if Seungmin was still by his side, as he could not hear anyone near him. Well, anyone he knew, for the various unknown voices chatting —if not yelling— over the loud music around the bar were already invading his ears from all over.

Stretching out over the table after a good minute and almost knocking down a glass of soju, he finally sat back up. Much to his surprise, nearly all your friends were back at the table. Everyone but Cherry, as she kept chatting with you by the bar.

"Good morning there" Chan greeted with a teasing smile, having the rest join in in a second.

God, he knew he would never hear the end of it now.

"Good morning," he joined them, cynically. "How long was I out for?"

"Like fifteen minutes?" Han answered. "I don't know, I just got here like five minutes ago but I saw you sleeping from the dance floor".

"Yeah, fifteen minutes is a good guess," Minho laughed under his breath. He was probably the one enjoying this the most. "Right, Seungmin?"

All eyes on Min, they were met with his rather distraught expression staring intently at the bar.

"Seungmin?" Minho pushed it.

"Huh?" he snapped out of it.

"How long was Hwang out for? You were with him the entire time".

"Like two bottles" he answered incoherently as his eyes travelled back to the bar.

Chan snorted. "That's not what we were asking but holy fuck, Hyunjin".

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, later focusing them on Seungmin by his side. "You okay, man?"

"Yeah, I just…" his eyes squinted. "Who are…"

As if on cue, everyone followed his stare. And suddenly, Hyunjin knew exactly why his friend felt so distraught.

You and Cherry seemed to have company, and not precisely the kind of it he was okay with. Two guys around your age he had never seen before in his life, who were getting way too close to you, were most definitely not the kind of company he ever wanted for you. Especially not the one dude who was coming awfully near your ear to try and properly speak to you.

"Aw, just like the old days" Minho pretended to wipe a nostalgic tear, earning himself a snort from Han and a small shove from Jeongin next to him.

"Hell no" Seungmin mumbled under his breath, not letting another second go by before rushing towards Chaeryeong.

That was what Hyunjin wanted. To be able to just go up there, grab you and make sure that any other guy knew you were his. For every single person in the world to know you were with him.

Instead, he sat there — watching from afar how Seungmin reached Cherry's side and pulled her to him, glaring at the stranger that had tried to hit on her and telling him something Hyunjin could not quite decipher yet could perfectly guess what it was. Something along the lines of 'she's taken', of course.

Exactly what he wanted to be able to do with you.

He could've sworn Seungmin had told the guy who was trying to hit on you off, too, and although it was not quite enough to make him feel at ease, he did feel thankful to his friend.

Boyfriend or not, there was only so much he could take, however. So, when the very same guy who had invaded your personal space did not seem to care about Seungmin's words nor about your polite rejection —as he could tell by the way you had taken a step back from him and awkwardly motioned with your hands for him to take a hint—, Hyunjin found himself standing up from his spot and sprinting towards you.

"What's going on here?" he asked, towering over you the moment he reached your side.

"Um, n-nothing," your words sounded just as nervous as you looked, eyeing Hyunjin up before you focused on the stranger in front. "This is—"

"I really don't care who he is" Hyunjin shut you down, eyes glaring at the guy. "Back off".

"Now why would I do that?" the man —whose name you had learned to be Junghee a minute ago when he tried to buy you a drink—, replied rather smugly.

"Hyunjin…" you grabbed his hand, stopping him right as you felt him move forward.

"She's clearly not interested, leave her alone".

"Why don't you let her speak for herself then?"

Hyunjin turned around to look at you, silently demanding for an answer, yet simultaneously begging you with his eyes alone not to challenge him this time around — not to do anything that would hurt him any further.

He should know better by now, though. Because although you looked taken aback and anxious even, your eyes were on him. Only him. Not once during all those seconds the two of them had been expecting an answer from you had you merely even glanced anywhere but him.

And that was enough to let him know what you wanted, if not who you wanted.

"She's taken," Hyunjin spat after having turned back around. "Back off".

"That's what that other dude said, but—"

"Dude, I'm her boyfriend. Now go".

Raising both arms in defeat, not without first eyeing you up and down in a way that could easily have earned a punch from Hyunjin, he backed away for once and for all.

Hyunjin shook his head in both disbelief and annoyance, making sure the dickhead actually left before turning around to lock eyes with your cold ones.

"You're not my boyf—" you fell quiet the moment he cornered you against the bar and firmly placed his hand on your nape.

"To some random dude who's trying to make a move on you, yes I am".

You didn't have time to protest, for his mouth on yours had prevented you from doing so before you even had the chance.

Not like you wanted to protest to begin with, as his lips trapping your bottom one in them and sucking on it the way you loved it was all you had needed that night after your fight.

For him to reassure you once again that he was serious about you was everything you needed and more.

You grabbed him by the collar at the same time you wrapped one arm around his neck, feeling like you would die if you didn't have him the closest you could right then. Thankfully, Hyunjin seemed to get the memo, bringing his hands dangerously down to the lowest of your back so he could pull you to him and get rid of every possible centimeter that was left between your bodies.

Somehow backing you up harder against the bar and making sure your bodies wouldn't lose the closeness he had put in between them, he brought a hand up to cup your cheek, smiling into the kiss after you had massaged his tongue with yours.

"You don't get to let other guys hit on you just because of a stupid argument we had" he mumbled against your lips, getting a soft hum out of you when he pulled at your bottom one.

"I wasn't…" you whispered.

"No?" he pulled away for a second. "Is that why you were about to introduce me to him like it was nothing?"

Your cheeks burned in embarrassment. "I panicked, I didn't know what to say".

"Mhm… that better be it" he trapped your lip in his once more. "Because you're mine".

"I'm n—"

"Shhh…" he hushed you with a kiss, making you smile against his mouth. "You are".

"You're an idiot," you chuckled, endearingly looking up at him and gently cupping his cheek. "And you're drunk".

"M—not," he whined, more cutely to your ears than he had intended.

"You sure?" you teased, holding his face now with both hands as he rested his forehead on yours. "You do taste quite drunk to me".

He laughed under his breath, pressing a kiss to your cheek before he leaned down to rest his forehead on your shoulder — arms wrapping tightly around you as he tiredly nuzzled the crook of your neck.

"I may or may not have drunk my feelings away" he admitted.

"And the alcohol is finally starting to hit?"

He nodded, a quite heavy sigh of his tickling your neck.

"You wanna leave?" you asked, gently running a hand up and down his back.

Another silent nod was his answer. "Yeah, just wanna be with you right now…"

You smiled blissfully, planting a small kiss on his temple before your hand held his. "Okay then, let's go tell the rest we're dipping".

One look at your table was all it took for you to realise the two of you had been the main attraction back there. You didn't even notice the moment Chae and Seungmin had left your side and gone back to sit down with the rest, yet there they were, shamelessly gossipping together as they watched you walk towards the table.

The closer you got, the clearer you saw their teasing smiles — and the more you wanted to just turn around and get out of there with Hyunjin already.

"Glad to see you guys are on good terms again" Han teased as soon as you reached the table, motioning with his head towards your intertwined fingers.

"Didn't really appreciate the sight of you two exchanging saliva again, though" Minho pointed out.

"No one told you to look" Hyunjin shrugged.

Minho scoffed. "You were all up in our business, how could we not?"

"As if you weren't shoving your tongue down that one girl's throat minutes ago" you bit back, getting nothing but a proud smirk from him. "Anyway, we're leaving now, so…"

"Are you guys going to Hyunjin's dorm?" Jeongin asked.

"Mhm…" you nodded.

"You're staying there?" Cherry wondered.

You shook your head no. "I'm just d—"

"You're not?" Hyunjin asked in a pout.

You laughed under your breath. "I mean…"

"You guys can always figure that out later, but can I leave with you?" Innie drew your attention. "I'm tired and my dorm is on the way, we could split a taxi".

"That sounds great" you agreed. "Let's go then".

"If that's the case, I'm going with you guys, too" Changbin stood up as well, walking up to you right as Jeongin did.

"Why?" Hyunjin's eyebrows furrowed.

"Because you will probably pass out in the car and there is no way Y/N will be able to drag your drunk ass all the way up to our floor alone".

Hyunjin shrugged, pulling you closer to him by the waist. "Whatever, but Jeongin is sitting with us in the backseat".

Rolling his eyes in amusement, Changbin agreed to his friend's conditions. Maybe you had already been forgiven, but he was clearly not on the clear just yet for having kept you from him earlier that night.

-—-—-—-—-—-—-♡

The ride home had been easier than you had initially thought, mainly because Hyunjin passed out on your shoulder the second you got in the taxi, and just like that he was no longer able to glare at Changbin like he had done right before getting in the car, even though his wishes of having Jeongin join the two of you on the backseat had been complied with.

He had also been able to walk up the stairs just fine — a bit slow, but just fine. Although he did trip once when there was only one floor left to theirs, and if it weren't for Changbin, who was walking behind the two of you just to make sure, then probably the story would've been very different.

All in all, it had not been that bad. Hyunjin wasn't wasted, to be fair, but all the alcohol he had drunk during that one moment of sulkiness had hit the hardest in the span of his confrontation with the pushy guy at the bar and the ride home.

By the time the three of you reached his room, he didn't think twice before letting go of your grasp around his waist and slumping down face first on his bed — a muffled whine reaching your ears and earning a smile from you that had Changbin shaking his head in disbelief over how head over heels you were for his friend.

"Well, seems like my job here is done, so…"

Reluctantly taking your eyes away from your passed out beloved on his bed, you turned around to look at Bin. "Thanks for coming with us," you smiled. "The trip up the stairs could've been hell if you weren't here".

He chuckled, taking a step towards you. "Yeah, to be honest he wasn't that bad tonight. There have been times when Seungmin and I have feared for our lives trying to drag him up those stairs".

You rolled your eyes in amusement. "I've heard the same kind of stories but with you being the one that has to be dragged upstairs".

"Now who was the snitch" he playfully squared up.

"You guys literally all snitch on each other" you laughed.

Hyunjin unconsciously tossed in bed, making both your heads snap in his direction, and as if on cue, both your stares turned softer — the mood suddenly dropping.

"He was really upset tonight…" Changbin was the first one to bring the topic up.

"Yeah…" you mumbled, intently staring at Hyunjin sleeping. "Maybe we shouldn't…"

"Hang out alone anymore?" he finished with an obvious tone.

You nodded, slowly. "At least until things are more clear between us and he feels okay with it".

"You mean until you guys put a label to what very clearly already is an official relationship" he smirked.

"Stop…" you lowered your head to try and hide the shy smile that had just curved up your lips. "Things are still a bit messy between us… and I hated knowing that I hurt him today and I would hate to hurt him again" a small sigh abandoned your mouth as you looked up to him. "I really love him, Binnie".

"I know you do," he smiled, giving your shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Let's just hang out while the others are around from now on".

"Yeah, let's do that" you agreed with a smile.

"Does this count as hanging out alone when Hyunjin is passed out in front of us?"

You couldn't help a throaty laugh from escaping your mouth, finding yourself having to cover it with one hand not to risk waking Hyunjin up, which seemed to be highly unlikely yet never impossible.

"You're staying the night?" he changed the topic, still not being able to erase the smile that had formed on his face over your laughter.

You shook your head no. "I'm just staying with him for a bit".

He snorted. "That's just calling to fall asleep on the floor next to him".

"I just want to make sure he stays sleeping on his side in case he throws up".

"Ew, I knew you were in love as hell but not to the point of being willing to clean his puke up".

"Shut up," you squinted your eyes at him, causing him to hold both hands up as he backed towards the door.

"Okay, I'll leave you to it now. I believe his pyjamas are in the second drawer," he motioned. "Although I guess he could sleep in his underwear alone, I don't know".

"What?"

"You're changing him, aren't you?" Changbin raised a questioning eyebrow.

"No, you change him".

He scoffed. "You're the one dating him, that's your problem now".

"But you're a boy..."

"What are we, twelve?" he laughed. "Don't act like you've never seen him naked before".

"Okay first, you don't know that" you pointed an accusing finger at him. "And second, he's drunk".

"So?"

"I don't want to overstep…"

"Trust me, he won't be mad that you changed him to sleep" he smirked.

"Changbinnnn," you begged in a whine.

"Ugh, okay" he gave in, realising there was no changing your mind. "Just go wait outside. And when he gets mad at me for changing his clothes, I'm throwing you under the bus".

"I'll take the risk" you laughed.

-—-—-—-—-—-—-♡

Pulling down the white oversized t-shirt of Hyunjin's that Changbin had given you after having successfully convinced you to spend the night before he could leave to his room for once and for all, you couldn't help but feel all giddy. You hadn't worn them many times, maybe one or two, but still, you could never grow used to wearing Hyunjin's clothes. And a part of you couldn't help but not feel like ever giving it back.

The way it had his particular scent you loved so much all over, the way it was long enough to cover just a little under your thighs, the way it felt almost like being in his arms, the way it was his.

Snapping out of it when you heard a heavy sigh coming from the bed, you were met with the cutest sight of Hyunjin tucked into it. Changbin had gone through the trouble, since he knew for a fact you would have a hard time trying to tuck him in if not.

The sheets were pulled up to his chin, in a way you could only see his uncovered face as he laid on his back and how the covers moved slowly up and down with each breath he took.

His eyes remained closed and his breathing calm. You couldn't help but feel bad for the hangover you knew he was waking up with the next morning, although that itself wasn't enough to erase the smile from off your face as you stared at him.

It was ridiculous how soft you were for him, not to say weak. You were so mad earlier that night, so hurt that he had brought up the one girl you were insecure about when it came to his past, that you thought the two of you would go your different ways that night and take a couple of days to make up.

But then there he was, telling a random guy who was trying to hit on you to back off and calling himself your boyfriend, kissing you like you were the only people in the bar, and that was all it took for you to feel at ease again — for you to know you would be alright regardless of the pending conversation you still needed to have.

Physically shaking your head as you were unable to mentally shake off his voice repeating the word 'boyfriend' over and over, causing your heart to soar with every memory of it, you went up to his drawer by the bed.

You took out the face wipes you knew he kept in there and went to the mirror next to it so you could take off your makeup. This wasn't your ideal night routine, but it would have to do for tonight.

"Mm…" Hyunjin's tired voice had your head snapping in his direction, only to be met with his visibly heavy eyes staring at you. "Sexy".

You snorted, feeling your face burn yet refusing to show how flustered you were over his sudden comment. Instead, you shook your head in amusement and threw the wipe into the small trash bin under his desk before you took a clean one out of the package.

"You're awake" you pointed out the obvious, sitting down by the edge of the bed.

"Yeah…" he sighed, eyes unconsciously closing for a moment there. "You looked too good for me not to wake up".

"That makes absolutely no sense" you laughed, leaning in to pull the covers slightly down to his chest.

"Yes, it does" he fought back, grimacing when the cold wipe came in contact with his face yet not protesting as you gently cleaned him up. "You should wear my clothes more often".

"I will take you up on that offer" you smiled, pressing a brief kiss to his forehead before going to throw the used wipe in the bin, too. "I'm borrowing a pair of sweatpants to sleep in".

"Noo, come here," he protested, stretching his arms out of the covers for you to go over there. "I meant you should wear my t-shirts with nothing else more often".

"Oh? You like the sight, Hwang Hyunjin?"

"You know I do" his eyes squinted accusingly.

"And what if I wanna go to the bathroom or the kitchen?" you taunted, folding your arms over your chest.

"If the guys are here then you put a pair of sweatpants on before leaving my room" his dead serious semblance got you grinning. "If we're alone, then it doesn't matter".

"Gatekeeping, I see" you came closer to the bed, enough for him to reach his hand out and grab your wrist.

"Of course," he proudly stated, pulling you down onto the bed with him — his hand resting against your back to pull you closer, later travelling down to the back of your thigh and guiding it over his waistline. "Only I get to see your pretty thighs like this".

This time, you could not hide the prominent heat in your cheeks, having to look down for a second to try and collect yourself, only to be met with his fingers holding your chin up and his lips pressing softly on yours.

Although it had begun tenderly, almost innocently, it was only a matter of seconds before Hyunjin's tongue was opening its way into your mouth, sending shivers down your spine as your hand went to his nape and your fingers were entangled in his brown locks.

It wasn't until his fingertips traced their way up from your thigh to your hip and his hand dug inside the t-shirt of his you were wearing, reaching dangerously close to the curve of your breasts, that you pulled away.

"So you're a horny drunk…" you smirked, almost as if having found his weakness. "Should've seen it coming".

"I always wanna touch you" he pouted.

"Something tells me it's different this time" you let out a breathy laugh, holding his wrist and gently removing it from underneath your top. "So I'm stopping you before we get too caught up".

"But I need you…" he whined, burying his face in your chest.

"You're literally half asleep, what would you be able to do anyway?"

"Don't underestimate me, baby girl".

You felt him smile against your chest in response to the small laugh that had just escaped your throat at his threatening words.

Considering your little banter to be done with after his last statement, Hyunjin's arms snaked around your waist and pulled you somewhat closer to him — as close as the covers in between the two of you allowed him to.

"You okay?" you whispered when you felt him take a heavy breath, tenderly running your fingers through his hair.

"Everything's spinning" he managed to let out as he exhaled.

You chuckled, pressing your lips down on the crown of his head. "That's what happens when you down two bottles of soju in half an hour".

He pouted. "I was… feeling very shitty…"

Your heart hurt at his words, and you were met with his heavy-looking chocolate eyes after he had pulled slightly away from your chest.

Silence filled the room for a minute, words somehow not being needed as you quietly looked at each other.

Wetting his lips, he reached a hand up to cup your cheek, drawing small circles on it with his thumb and smiling when your hand reached up to do the same with his wrist.

"I'm sorry about what I said," he apologised. "I shouldn't have brought Y—"

"I really don't wanna talk about her anymore" you softly cut him off.

He nodded, tenderly grabbing your hand in his and caressing the back of it with his thumb. "I'm really sorry, baby… I never wanted to hurt you".

"Hey, it's okay" you hushed him. "I never wanted to hurt you either. I'm sorry too, Jinnie".

He smiled, tiredly yet ever so blissfully — eyes closing once again right as he brought your hand up to his mouth and pressed a sweet kiss to it.

"I only want you. All to myself. No one else".

"You don't want me with anyone else or you don't want anyone else but me?" you couldn't help but tease.

"Both," his confident tone got a giggle out of you. "But you're the one who gets to decide whether you want to be with me for real now and I just keep fucking up an—"

"Baby…" you called him softly as ever, lovingly running your thumb over his bottom lip and managing to make him open his eyes once more. "You haven't even fucked up".

"I just did tonight, though…"

"Not in a way that will stop me from wanting to be with you" you reassured him with a smile.

"You promise?" he whispered.

You nodded, answering his question by briefly pressing your lips against his. "Remember what I told you the morning after we got together?"

"You told me many things that morning" he smirked, causing you to roll your eyes in amusement.

"About not feeling like you have to watch your every move around me" you reminded him. "I said that as long as y—"

"I don't go to someone else or start feeling trapped again we would be alright…" he completed for you.

"And you haven't done any of those, have you?"

"No, of course not" he sounded almost offended by that question. "If anything you might start feeling trapped with how clingy I got".

A throaty laugh escaped your mouth at that, snuggling closer to him and feeling your heart melt when his hand was naturally placed on the curve of your waist.

Fuck, you loved him.

"What are you saying, I love clingy" you admitted. "And since you haven't done any of those two things I don't really consider that you've fucked up… couples argue here and there, it's okay".

"Are you saying we're a couple now?" he smiled.

You bit your bottom lip, looking away from his eyes as you were at a loss of words and felt your face burn under his stare.

"Go to sleep, Jinnie".

"You haven't answered my question".

"You're drunk" you pointed out. "We'll talk about this some other time".

Hyunjin pouted, but ultimately decided to let it go. "You're staying the night?"

You nodded. "How else am I supposed to take care of your drunken ass tonight?"

"That is very girlfriend of you" he smirked.

You couldn't help the giggle that had just ran past your lips, just like you couldn't help the backflip your heart had just done. "You're going to regret this so much in the morning".

"I won't" he stood his ground.

"We'll see about that tomorrow" you chuckled. "Now go to sleep".

"At least get in here with me," he tugged at the covers for you to get inside. "You're practically naked, don't want my baby to catch a cold".

"Shut up," you laughed under your breath, embarrassed, yet complied with his wishes.

Helping him pull the sheets up, you got inside them with him, who wasted no time to tuck you in with him and tightly engulf you in his arms.

You sighed contentedly when your face rested on his chest, throwing a leg over his waist.

"Better?" he asked.

"Mhm…" your body snuggled closer to him. "This was very boyfriend of you" you couldn't help but tease.

Feeling him smile against the crown of your head, you were greatly surprised by his long fingers pushing your chin up to be met with his plump lips.

"That's what you should've told that one idiot that was hitting on you".

"And who says I didn't?"

He pulled back from your mouth, staring at you with wide eyes as he tried to process the words that had just come out of it. "Y-You did?"

You nodded, quite amusedly.

"You told him I was your boyfriend?"

"Well, I told him I had a boyfriend. He didn't know who you were, so…" you laughed at his cute expression right then.

"And even then he still wouldn't back off?" he scoffed. "God, I should've punched him".

An amused giggle escaped your mouth. "It's fine, I was actually about to just walk away when you got there" you confessed, tenderly running your thumb up and down the corner of his mouth. "You really underestimate how bad I don't want to be hit on by anyone but you, Hwang Hyunjin".

The smile that had just curved up his lips right then could easily be one of your favourites he'd ever given you. There was something about his crescent moon eyes and his dimples that had your heart soaring.

You didn't get to stare at it for long, though, for those same lips that were holding the most beautiful smile you had ever seen were soon to be pressed on yours, somehow managing to show you everything he felt for you yet did not have the right words to express.

Feeling his hot breath tickle your wet lips after the lack of oxygen had broken you apart, you found yourself smiling against his mouth, pecking it ever so lightly and having him do the same the next second.

"Be my girlfriend?" he whispered against your mouth.

Your eyes opened wide, and you were sure they looked elated as ever — for you were elated as ever.

You could scream. You could cry. You could laugh. Everything at once as you were hit by the one question you had at some point believed Hyunjin would never let himself ask you.

You could do so many things right then as you stared into his tired yet genuine eyes, and your heart screamed for you to answer with the 'yes' that had gotten stuck at the back of your throat the second his question reached your ears.

At last, though, you let the rational part of you win for once.

Leaning in to steal a soft, lingering kiss from his cloudlike lips, you looked up at him with a small smile. "Ask me again when you're sober".

Letting out a breathy, defeated laugh, he rested his forehead on yours as he closed his eyes. "Will you say yes?"

You smiled, pressing a soft kiss to his nose. "Go to sleep, baby".

Although not entirely satisfied with your answer, he gave it up for once and for all, pulling you back to his chest as he closed his eyes and found comfort in the way your limbs were loosely wrapped around him. You were lucky the alcohol kept dragging him into a slumber, otherwise you would not have heard the end of it until you gave him a proper answer.

In less than a minute, he was fast asleep all over again.

You, on the other hand, were left wide awake while almost inaudible snores abandoned his lips every few seconds — unable to conceal your sleep as everything that happened that night kept replaying in your mind over and over. More precisely, images of your last conversation right before he closed his eyes and went to sleep.

With your heart pumping hard against your chest to the point you were scared it would wake him up, you could only wish he would not change his mind once he woke up. That if he even remembered everything that had left his mouth that night.

Wide awake, you were left thinking of every possible outcome following this night.

Whatever happened, though, drunk words were sober thoughts, and although conflicted over the circumstances they had been spoken on, you could not help the overwhelming happiness taking over your mind and body now that you knew Hwang Hyunjin wanted to make things official with you.

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[eyesore-boi]

You think that you're alone but

We are waiting for you every night...

You're mine.

Close ups and other stuff below!

...so....10 years, huh?

I cannot understate how much FNaF means to me in my life, and yeah...know that sounds a b i t much considering it's the funny har har bear games, but lemme explain-

Truth is, i was actually terrified of FNaF when it first came out! I remember my first introduction to it was when i was having a sleepover at my friend's place and he was both playing and watching other people play the first game, and when i was watching it with him, i got scared and tried to avoid the game as much as i could, even claiming to hate the game despite just knowing the first game. I was young and was prone to sheltering myself from stuff i didn't understand, and that being the first scary game i've ever seen caused that reaction, but over time...that changed.

It happened when i was watching YT and clicked on a comic dub i never seen before, thinking it was an AU for a fandom i was in (probably Undertale i dunno), but lo and behold, it was actually a fandub/animatic for the missing kids incident, and that...peaked my interest. I got curious on how this scary game actually had an interesting story to it and not just some game that goes boo. So, soon after that, i decided to look up simply "FNaF Story", found the Game Theory videos, and...the rest is history.

I was amazed and hooked, got invested in how the games explained the story in ways i've never seen before, got excited when i saw everything click together in real time, and pair that with how i got into the series r i g h t when Sister Location came out, arguably when the lore really started to kick off, i knew there was no going back now. I stuck with the series since. I watched all the animatics and dubs, listened to all the songs, tried drawing the characters, made OC's, and even talked to other people about this franchise.

And now look- Not gonna pretened this whole time it's been sunshine and (Chica's) rainbows, especially in recent times. The drop off SB caused, the lore getting more and more complicated and convoluted, the divide between older and newer fans, being the founder of Mascot Horror (for every Poppy Playtime there i s a Garten of Ban Ban) and course the IRL drama, but in all seriousness...i still wouldn't trade it for anything.

FNaF, this series, is my very first experience connecting me with a community like this, both good and bad, helping me understand how to properly enjoy media and even learn/take things from it, and i think without it i wouldn't be in the fandoms i'd be in now. The scary, horror ones, the niche, hard to find ones, story driven, character rich, and of course...more importantly...getting me into Markiplier, which further influenced the "outside the box" kind of thinking cause my g o d for these two stories you need too-

And speaking of, because of those two stories, it lead to me branching out more creativily and even creating my own webcomic for an AU combining both of them, so regardless on how that'll go, i'm just glad this series has influenced me enough to create something for others to see, since that's all i ever want to give.

But really, this franchise will forever be with me, and though i don't always agree with all of it (i haven't read any of the books in y e a r s and i refuse to do so), it only makes some of the stuff it does do right completely worth it (like the movie, peak cinema), and for where ever this bear shaped train is going next, well, i'll be here for the ride for all of it. No matter how many burning buildings it goes through.

...oh and um- Right yeah. The actual art piece. Uh....it crashed multiple times when drawing it. It's even a miracle i was able to export it. I can't even open it up anymore. So even if i wanted to change anything about it, i c a n 't -

But still pretty happy with how it came together! Was run drawing these robos, some being kinda redraws from the past, while other's i've n e v e r drawn before, so that was interesting! But still, tried to draw the "main character" so to say from each of the main FNaF games, and just kinda be...walking along through the series, nothing too deep or complex, but still interesting enough! ....unlike the fnaf storyline cause g o d how many restaurants wERE THEIR S C O T T -

But for real this is going long enough, so ima head out and do my own FNaF related things thay you don't need to worry about shush *commits arson*

HAPPY 10TH FNAF BIRTHDAY EVERYBODY!! >:DD

[dlst0rtion]

note to self: don't do it you son of a- (chapter 2)

pairing: nekoma x male reader, yachi hitoka x male reader, and kuroo tetsurō x male reader

masterlist

series masterlist

a/n: I've been changing so many stuff lately since I don't have a solid plan for this series but the reader will get 2 love interest ^^

Pudding 🍮

kenma

was it really necessary to chase down [last name] after school ended, kuroo?

kuroo

OFC KENMA 😎

having [last name] would be beneficial for the team

I needed to catch him before it was too late

kenma

I like [last name] and agree but I don't think taunting him like that would make him want to join us

kuroo

taunting???? him????

what makes you think I was taunting him

kenma

it's you.

kuroo

😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣

EL O EL

I MIGHTVE MADE HIM MAD A LITTLE??? I BROUGHT UP MIDDLE SCHOOL 😍

kenma

ur so stupid

kuroo

trust the process kenma 😎😎

kenma

what made you interested in [last name] anyways?

kuroo

he's like art 😍

obscure art, but still, art❗️

plus his brain is so big

kenma

if [last name] doesn't want to be near us again bc of you I'd never forgive you

kuroo

real!!!

kenma

stop saying that.

kuroo

________________________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

"what the hell am I doing here," [name] asked himself as he stood outside nekoma's gymnasium doors.

[name] would never admit it to anyone but kuroo did touch something deep inside him when he mentioned joining the volleyball team.

as his mother said, he used to love volleyball.

used to.

[name] peeked through the slight opening of the gym doors as he watched nekoma's volleyball club practice.

his heart felt warm.

he forgot how it felt, the adrenaline when he would play all those years ago.

he missed it.

"can I help you with something?" [name] jumped a little as he turned around to see who caught him in this position. "oh! [last name] I've never seen you around this part of the school before."

it was the volleyball coach, coach naoi. he was a confident male with dark, short-cut hair. [name] liked him. he's a pretty cool dude.

"oh yeah um.... I was just," [name] didn't know what to say. he fully didn't intend on being caught and planned to make his grand escape after a bit of snooping.

"do you want to join the volleyball club, [last name]?" coach naoi asked with a small smile on his face.

he knew of [name] and had spoken to him a couple of times when they pass by each other in the hallways. coach naoi viewed him as a bright young kid that would be going to places.

"hmmm," [name] contemplated on saying no and leaving. "I'm not quite sure. I haven't played volleyball in years."

"that's alright! just come join us for a couple of days and see how you like it. you can act as our manager for the time being," coach naoi offered.

it was a pretty solid offer.

[name] gave the man a small smile, "sure."

the two walked through the doors while the sounds of shouting and sneakers screeching started to cease.

"everyone listen up!" the tall coach shouted which made everyone fully stop. "I would like to introduce you guys to [last name] [name]. as of today he will join us as a manager. please take care of him."

"nice to meet you," even though he had a blank face, [name]'s voice was sincere and warm as he bowed down to his future club members.

kenma, a guy from his class, gave him a small smile while kuroo gave him a gengar-easque smirk.

"NICE TO MEET YOU, [last name]!"

"isn't he kenma's classmate?"

"welcome to the club, [last name]!"

"YAHOOOOO WE FINALLY GET A MANAGER!"

"SHUT UP, LEV!"

jeez, what did [name] get himself into?

as coach naoi got the team started on their drills, [name] turned towards the other coach.

"coach nekomata, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm [last name] [name]," the young male said as he bowed to his elder.

"no need for that," coach nekomata said, waving him off. "I know who you are, [last name]. you were quite the powerhouse during your time at ushimi middle school."

"you know of that?" [name] asked, surprised. "and please, just call me [name]."

"of course. anyone would want to catch the son of the great [last name] makoto in action."

[name]'s mood slightly dampened at the mention of his father.

"so what do I exactly do as a manager? I've only been a player for a volleyball team and ushimi didn't have a manager."

"it's quite easy. you mainly just need to fill and hand out water bottles and towels. you can help catch naoi by handing him some volleyballs or collecting stray ones. you can also set up and take down nets and clean the gym when we're all finished," nekomata explained. "are you not returning as a player?"

"maybe I will again, someday. I'm just not used to playing it again right now," [name] sat down on the bench beside the elder. "coach naoi offered to let me stay here for a couple of days, act as the team's manager for the time being, and see how I feel."

"hmmm, I see. well I hope you return to the field again someday. it was magnificent watching you play," nekomata gave the boy a closed eye smile.

"thanks."

as the day progressed, [name] fulfilled his duty as manager. giving water and towels to the members. refilling the water bottles. and assisting coach naoi when needed.

during that time, most of the nekoma members couldn't take their eyes off of him.

I mean, THE [last name] [name] was THEIR manager?

unreal.

unbelievable.

ain't no way.

"so, [last name], you decided to join our team after all," kuroo said as he took a sip from the water bottle that the other male handed to him.

"it wasn't because of you if that's what you think," [name] gave kuroo a disgusted face.

"you wound me, truly, [last name]," kuroo said as he pretended to hold his heart in pain.

"you're so dramatic," he rolled his eyes and pushed the rooster head face away.

[name] then turned his attention to a certain pudding head who was sipping his water bottle in peace.

"you did good, kozume," he complimented the quiet male.

"thank you, [last name]," kenma smiled at his new manager.

"hey, what about me? I did pretty well today too," kuroo gave them a triumphant pose.

[name] ignored him.

"we don't need to be formal with me [last name] we're in the same class, just call me kenma."

"if only you call me [name] as well."

"can I call you, [name]?" kuroo chirped.

"no," [name] side-eyed kuroo as he visibly deflated.

"[name]," a short sandy-haired male said walking towards him. "never thought I'd see a [last name] as a manager instead of a player."

"you know about me too, yaku-senpai?"

"naturally," yaku replied. "I know you from ushimi middle school too and considering who your father is as well, it's not hard to know you."

"hmm, I thought it would die down since I left volleyball all those years ago."

"you come from two famous parents, [last name]. it's only reasonable for people to know who you are," yaku replied honestly.

even though what yaku said was true, it still brought [name]'s mood a little low since all his life people had expectations of him. especially his father.

"you don't need to worry about that though, [name]. we're your teammates, we expect nothing but your help and support," another, rather soft, voice said while yaku hummed in agreement.

[name] saw a guy with jet-black hair that was shaved into a buzzcut.

"Nobuyuki Kai, but you can call me kai," the male smiled warmly at the cold male.

"nice to meet you kai-senpai, you can call me [name] too," [name] directed the last part to both kai and yaku.

"[LAST NAME]-SENPAIII" a tall grey-haired male screamed running towards the group. "it's nice to finally get to talk to you! many of the girls in my class always talk about how handsome and unapproachable you are but I don't think you're scary at all. maybe your face is though. you should smile more, you'll be less scary. oh yeah, my name is haibi lev!"

many were shocked, but not surprised by lev's bluntness but [name] didn't seem phased by it, actually, he was amused.

"thanks, I'll keep that in mind," [name] stated.

"are you going to come hang out with us after practice? it's kuroo turn to buy us ice cream."

"LIKE HELL I'M PAYING FOR ALL OF YOU!"

"HEY! YOU HELD OFF YOUR END OF THE BARGAIN FOR 2 WEEKS, STOP BEING A FREELOADER!"

"yeah, come on kuroo. [name] is joining too, take it as a welcoming gift for him," inuoka suggested coming up from behind [name].

"fine," kuroo grumbled.

[name] looked on confused, "I am?"

"it'll be nice to hang out with you, [name]. we can all get to know you and you know... vice versa," shibayama said with a soft smile.

"only if you want to, [name]," kai reminded.

"I would love to but I need to pick up my little sister before it gets dark. I don't want her going home alone at night," [name] said taking a glance out the window, the sun had already set.

"oh shit, has she been waiting long?" yaku asked worriedly. he knew their practices take quite a bit of time.

"no don't worry about it. my little sister normally helps around her elementary school's garden with other students and teachers after school. she wasn't able to tend to the flowers yesterday because of the rain. if I leave now, I think I'll just make it," the new nekoma manager explained.

"nice time then?" kenma asked.

"next time," [name] nodded. "I should get going now."

"wait!" kuroo held out his hand to the male to halt him. "you should give me your number so you can be added to the nekoma volleyball group chat. just to socialize and be informed of plans."

"is this just an excuse to get my number?" the manager raised his eyebrow.

"partially," kuroo smirked. "but genuinely, it's so we can all communicate with each other."

"sure."

as they exchanged their numbers [name] headed toward both nekoma coaches who were patiently waiting for him.

"so, [last name]. what do you think?" nekomata asked the male.

"you have an interest group of people you coach," [name] stated as both the coaches gave him a small laugh.

"interesting enough for you to stay?"

[names] mouth twitched a little but remained in a straight line, "yeah..."

"perfect!" coach naoi exclaimed as he handed [name] a piece of paper. "here's the sign-up sheet to officially be a part of nekoma's volleyball team! we're honoured to have you. oh! and before i forget to tell you, we're going to be at shinzen high for a week after summer break starts."

"okay, thanks," [name] bowed to both of the coaches as he departed from the high school, ready to make his walk toward seichi elementary school.

as he waited for his bus to arrive he felt the constant buzzing of his phone.

meow meow vb team 😼😹😻

kuroo added you

lev

[LAST NAME]-SENAPIIIII

yaku

lev shut up

[name] is probably busy picking up his sister rn

kenma

^

kai

^

fukunaga

^

kuroo

^^

lev

hey [name]-senpai, I have a sister too!

kuroo

no one asked

lev

:<

yamamoto

I DIDNT GET TO TALK TO [LAST NAME] IN PERSON

kenma

that's bc you were too busy ogling him

kuroo

🤨🤨

yamamoto

he's a handsome man what can I say

lev

:O

inuoka

:O

shibayama

:O

yaku

:O

kuroo

😟

ur so real for that

yamamoto

what, I'm secure 😤

thanks.

lev

HE HAS SPOKEN

[LAST NAME]-SENPAI HIII

LEV HI ٩(^▿^)۶

kuroo

oh em gee

[name] uses those emoticons

I'm in love

that's [last name] to you

눈_눈

kuroo

yaku

hey that emoticon looks just like you

눈_눈

kuroo

real

kenma

stop saying that

I like emo

kuroo

I'm emo

emoticons

sorry I accidentally press sent too early

yamamoto

bro is so down bad

kai

^

fukunaga

^

lev

^

kenma

^

inuoka

^

yaku

^

teshiro

^

Shibayama

^

kuroo

my primal urge to say real

oh before I forget

coach naoi said something about going to shinzen high for a week or something

fukunaga

training camp.

kuroo

training camp

kenma

training camp

yaku

we're invited to a training camp

thanks.

so why do we have to stay at shinzen for a week?

yaku

to socialize

lev

to make friends :D

kuroo

to crush fukurodani.

thanks.

so why do we have to stay at shinzen for a week?

kai

every school under the fukurodani academy group takes turns hosting training sessions but shinzen always hosts the week-long ones. we just do a bunch of practice matches and try to improve our skill and technique basically

kenma

hmmm

oh cool

do we have to stay at shinzen high?

kenma

not if you don't want to

yaku

I think karasuno is staying at shinzen since they live in Miyagi

inuoka

were you planning on staying inside the school?

no can't afford to

have too much stuff to do at home

kai

understandable

taking care of your little sister?

and mother

shinzen isn't that far from my house anyways I can just walk there

lev

if you live near shinzen

why don't you just go to school there?

kuroo

shut up lev

I like cats better

kuroo

authentic

[idlingsomewhere]

hey man how's it going

(blog intro)

Hey!! Welcome to my blog. You may know me from @shiftedelsewhere which Used to be my account before tumblr nuked it. rip fallen hero. hope u have fun on here! u probably won't. but....

"girl who tf are you"

good question! I wish I knew.

I go by "N" on the internet; I use any/all pronouns; and i love music with my entire heart. Call me whatever! it really doesn't matter to me all that much.

"why are you here"

to post about my interests

"which are?"

music! mostly. my 2 favs at the moment are porter robinson and jane remover. i also really like a lot of other stuff too; you'll figure it out easily since it's the main thing I post about on here

i like a good videogame sometimes. In particular I'm especially fond of zelda games, pokemon, splatoon, and those mii games on the DS!

i do NOT watch shows very often. i can count the number of tv shows I've seen in my life on my fingers. my favourite show is gilmore girls because I'm a massive autumn fiend. living my best life rn. whenever i finish a show i tend to write down my thoughts and share them. currently, I'm trying to watch community, big brother (season 26), and am on my 5(?)th rewatch of gilmore girls.

other than that i like math and physics and transit systems and some other stuff that evades my memory right now ! we will find out what i like together, in due time..

"ok, and?"

these r some general ground rules!

feel free to dm me or chat with me in the comments, just keep in mind I'm a VEERRRRY tired stem student and can't get back to you immediately. send recs or tell me about your day or show me a meme! we can be friends if you'd like :)

uhrm don't be weird lmfao. I'm not gonna tell you where i live. probably goes without saying...

no tagging system at the moment - let me know if you need me to tag something (i.e., a tw or something) and I'll do it!

i like a good tag game. if you don't wanna be tagged, please let me know! otherwise i got an alphabetized tag game list with all my mutuals who are okay with tag games that i copypaste every time lol

"if your tumblr goes down again, where else can i pester you?"

@shadowbannedsomewhere, the backup account 😵‍💫

aoty

art instagram (dead)

porter robinson fanpage (cloutless)

pinterest

apple music (this is where i listen to stuff)

spotify (this is where i post playlists. also we should do a blend :3)

last.fm

goodreads

i readily give out my discord so just ask for it if u want to talk

i always follow back on these accounts but i do not always check. shoot me an ask if u followed me somewhere and ill follow you back obviously :3

yeah and that's all! thx for reading. they really deleted my old pinned post too..crazy. what did i do to displease the tumblr algo? i don't know >_<

[happylandfill23]

hey babes x

welcome to my lovely little dumpster that may or may not be on fire hope ya have a great stay! here's a lil about me woohoo

☆ i'm ember aka the evil bisexual alien from pluto. or something. use whatever pronouns 4 me idc go wild

☆ i luv making art!! my art tag is styrofoamm if ya wanna check it out <3

☆ FREE PALESTINE 🇵🇸🇵🇸🇵🇸 don't forget to do your daily click! and here are palestinian blogs that have reached out to me

☆ more about me under the cut xoxo

where can u find me??? other than the bog. ofc

☆ my other blogs! -- @styrofoamm (art blog), @ask-cyberdevils (oc ask blog), @murdocniccalsreactionimages (exactly what it sounds like), and cyberdevils' blogs totally not mine - @gu1t4rf41ry (pixie), @acexofxspades (ace), and @shags-shags (shags)

☆ youtube (i post song covers n art-related stuff mainly. but i also just kind of do whatever y'know a bit like this blog but probably slightly less annoying probably)

☆ spotify (self explanitory. js playlists no original music btw lol)

for a more comprehensive list/info on my tagging system, here's my links page from my custom blog setup :] (there's fun stuff in there!!)

i have a lot of interests. yay

☆ damon albarn's numerous projects (gorillaz, blur, the good the bad & the queen, solo music, etc) as well as jamie hewlett's numerous projects (gorillaz once again, tank girl, phoo action/get the freebies, the 16s even tho there's not much content of it i just think they're neat dot jpeg, etc)

☆ manic street preachers!!!!!!!!!!!!!

☆ more britpop/britpop-adjacent stuff (elastica!!!!!!, suede, pulp, lush, oasis, the stone roses, etc etc)

☆ other music too (bikini kill, nine inch nails, björk, fiona apple, skinny puppy, einstürzende neubauten, joy division, siouxsie and the banshees, david bowie, MF DOOM, mars argo, nirvana, julie, my chemical romance, poppy, radiohead, and i'm going to stop now. sorry there's so many jesus fuck)

☆ scott pilgrim :] (the comics, the movie, and the series! especially the series actually. never played the video game tho)

☆ um i luv comic stuff. and i plan on making comics in the future. i like a lot of comic stuff (tank girl, scott pilgrim as i mentioned b4, heartstopper, the st. hell series, nimona, the junji ito collection, etc) i also like reading books in general (some faves r the bell jar, solitaire, the spirit bares its teeth, and no longer human)

☆ daria/beavis and butthead

☆ i like movies too. woohoo (tank girl, rocky horror picture show, scott pilgrim again lol, velvet goldmine, perfect blue, nimona, labyrinth, the machinist, corpse bride, atomic blonde, and other stuff too i'm avoiding saying 'etc' again bcuz i've said it a lot)

☆ moomin! as u can tell from my moomin cookie dividers yippee hooray (ily moomin shop i hope i go again soon <3)

☆ collecting objects such as records/cds (maybe i'll show off my respective collections of those sometime), buttons, soda can tabs, cool rocks, small broken pieces of things that used to be something such as zippers or little fake rhinestones or perhaps the tops of acorns

☆ goin 2 concerts!! in order 4 the most part i've seen (not counting th openers) taylor swift (oh yeah ember lore i was super into her as a kid), depeche mode (2x), the rolling stones, queen w/ adam lambert, gorillaz, julie (2x), foo fighters, bikini kill, fontaines d.c., and paul mccartney!! my next stops r hopefully deftones, poppy, and/or pixies

ok that's enough interests 4 now figure everything else out on yr own lmao

currently reading: self-portraits by osamu dazai

currently watching: the day of the jackal, limmy's show!, cunk on earth (i <3 cunk on earth. constantly watchin it lol)

currently listening to on perpetual loop: for tomorrow by blur, revolving doors by gorillaz, satellite of love by lou reed

spotify playlist of my current faves (hopefully i'll remember to update it regularly lmao)

that's all!

thanks 4 stoppin by lol i hope i haven't scared u off yet with my strange demeanor xx

divider here!

[transramblings]

Toxic Positivity and Trans Joy

Please read the entire post before commenting!

I've been thinking about how for me, trans joy and celebrating your wins can go so far as to go into toxic positivity. So let's talk about it.

Toxic Positivity?

Yes. Toxic Positivity is "pressure to stay upbeat no matter how dire one's circumstance is" (definition stolen from wikipedia). The term was first coined by Jack Halberstam in The Queer Art of Failure. Yeah, we got queer theory to thank for fighting against the "live love laugh" way of living. He says that since queer people are considered to have "failed" in a way, since success is measured by male, heterosexual standards. According to him, failure is a good start for criticizing capitalism. Interesting stuff, and I'd recommend reading up on it.

Are you against trans joy then?

No, not at all! And I think Jack Halberstam would like to see it too. Celebrating your queerness is a great thing, and it can certainly help us in a world that sees us as a failure for existing as trans or non binary people. Trans joy is a way of celebrating a way of life that mainstream society has condemned.

Trans Joy has always existed, but a more mainstream society likes to focus mostly on the "failure" and the pain of being trans, and even the more forward thinking people would focus more on dysphoria and the suffering trans people would go through. When I grew up, "born in the wrong body" was still the dominant narrative. That seems to have changed, especially in the community itself.

So how do we talk about it now?

(keep in mind that this is just my experience)

In my experience, more and more trans people have started to push back against that narrative. "I wasn't born in the wrong body, I was born in the right one, I'm just trans and that's great!". I'm happy to see that the conversation has moved away from what you are happy about, instead of what you're not. For people transitioning that might be progress in transitioning, or for non transitioning trans or non binary an aesthetic or selfie they're happy with. Being happy with being trans and your body/aesthetic seems to be the theme.

But what if you're not?

It's 2022 and I'm two years into my transition. All my life I've heard about how trans men pass within a few months. I'm standing on the stairs of a H&M, a bag with men's clothes in my hand, ready to cry. I haven't been correctly gendered by a stranger ever. I'm ready to give up. My then girlfriend tells me to focus on the good, on the wins I've gotten. But all I can think of is the hell I've come through to get T, only for it to not seem to work at all. I cannot get anyone to relate or support me, as they echo my gf's message back to me.

That was not the only time I felt absolutely hopeless. Not a year ago I was sobbing in bed, wondering if I should just detransition, because I didn't think I'd ever reliably pass. Dysphoria was killing me, and the happiness I was promised seemed so far away.

So what's wrong with trans joy?

If you reacted to my story with "I'm sorry but you should still try to look at the positives", that's exactly the reaction I fear from people. When my grandpa died, I wasn't expected to look at the bright sight. I couldn't. You can probably understand why. And in those moments in despair, I couldn't either. I needed someone to listen and understand.

Trans Joy is great, because we get to celebrate a life and accomplishments cis people would consider failures. But it doesn't take much to argue that it's a moral obligation to do so. I've seen people argue this even! They argue that we need to show cis and/or straight people that we can be happy, that we are happier being ourselves. It's as much about the image we project as a community as it is about ourselves. And when you can't do that, you fail to project that image.

When I look at trans joy, I am happy for others. But I am also sad and angry, because despite all my hard work, I am not there yet. I hope to get there, but for now not being happy should not be a moral failure.

No more trans joy then?

God no, I want people to express their joy! But it should also be clear it's not an obligation to not be happy all the time. That honesty does not harm the community, and will help it instead. It's about a balance where you are allowed to vent and relate to each other and share your pain, but also are able to share joy without making it a requirement for being a good queer person. Because nobody is helped by adding guilt to pain.

[elizzsush]

What I write!

Yeah, I'll just bite the bullet and say I mostly write X reader stories. They're fun! I don't like having to think of what the protag looks like when I can just do a little H/C in place of "Red hair"

I think it's just funner to have everything then to just have one thing. Y/N is basically just "Every name possible" Same goes with H/C (Every hair color) and E/C and so on!

(If requested I will write an oc, I don't mind writing character protags as well! Also I've never writen a character x character fic but i'm down to do it!)

I also will write Reader X ocs! (I like to write Ocs X readers :3)

___________

I write fanfiction for Animes, mangas, TV shows, movies, anything I want to really. I've been writing for like 5 years now. Most of it sucks but I've gotten to a point where my writing is good by pushing through the suckery.

Sometimes, I will write for my own original works! I may not post those though because they get less interaction and are for me <3

___________Trope/Au's I write for!

I am a big fan of yandere, Tsundere, and Op characters. I also love a good AU! Like Soulmate Au, hanahaki Au, If I feel particularly cuddly, I like a good clean Omegavere fic (Sfw).

___________Examples/Show's I will write for!

Any anime! (I've basically seen them all, expect Jojo's bizarre adventures.) You watch Tokyo Ghoul? So do I! Bucci the rock? I love that anime! Rosario + Vampire? I didn't know you knew that one too! The more popular ones? Obviously, I've watched them!

subtle brag, I'm on episode 860 of one piece, so yeah. I watch anime. (LISTEN I KNOW I'M NOT CURRENT I'M WORKING ON IT)

I also watch supernatural! (I'm a dean girlie!)

I watch a bunch of other stuff but thats it for now!

___________

Yup! Thats basically all I wanted to say for now! Tune in for more ffs and art later on!

Check out my blog and see my stuff!

[starryyyjoon]

I, you | Kim Namjoon One Shot

word count: 8.2k

pairing: idol!namjoon x fem reader

summary: namjoon meets you again and he can't help but want you to look at him the same way he has all these years.

disclaimer: it's sort of written from y/n pov. kind of smut included, not too much but still. other then that, i don't think there's anything. it was written a long time ago so i don't clearly remember, sorry!

Namjoon walked in, followed by a few staff members and they occupied the empty chairs on the conference table and I smiled at him and the others. He looked great like always, he was in a navy blue hoodie and a khaki colored trouser, with his hair pushed backwards exposing his forehead.

There was something and nothing between me and him and it was too tiring to play pretend. "You look good", he remarked and I smiled at him. He's always being too kind, I looked like absolute shit, I hadn't slept in three days and my clothes were whatever was in my reach that I'd put on after showering and I rushed here.

I had met him before this level of success but I was merely an assistant director myself and we'd talked about Monet and his work together, he'd similar interests to mine but both of us didn't really get anywhere because of our timing and I believed it was for the good. He'd always expressed how he liked my vision and wants to work with me on something and I didn't believe my vision because what even was my vision that he could see and not me and after being this big I didn't really thought he'll even remember me until he hit my phone one day and here I was, at the label's office to discuss the details of his mixtape's music video.

"So, do you've something in mind?", I asked him and he pressed his back on the chair letting out a yawn, he seemed tired.

"Not really! I want it simplistic and not too hard to understand. I haven't thought about it or anything so I don't know, I would await what you propose", he softly said.

"I haven't heard the track because of--", he intervened, "--ah you haven't? You should hear it first", he said and I nodded.

"I would need to hear it", I told him, thinking about the lengthy talks with the illustrator already.

The staff then pin pointed about the budget, the do nots and other details and two of my team members who were seated beside me talked thoroughly in detail about the technicalities. Namjoon looked bored with all the talk that didn't interest him. He wasn't much different from before slightly bigger.

All of us stood up coming to an agreement when Namjoon asked me to walk up to his studio to hear the track and I asked my team members to go ahead first. I walked through the dark corridor behind him while he talked to someone on the phone, all the way to his studio. I didn't really hear what he was talking because I was invested in staring around the place like I hadn't seen a building before.

The walls were all dark and a comforting shade since I didn't like the sun anyway. It seemed like a night mode in real life.

His studio was the corner most, he typed the passcode in and stood aside gesturing for me to walk in, followed by him. He hung up the phone call and put his phone aside, switching the AC on. He sat behind the monitor while he switched it on and I went through my inbox.

"So, how have you been?", his deep tone, made me look up and I fidgeted to put my eyes on something other then him while he turned his chair around to face me.

"I have been okay-ish, like the projects I'm doing I'm satisfied with them so I guess it's kinda okay", I said and regretted it immediately, I don't even talk like this and he knows it.

"Not the work c'mon, you, your boyfriend, family, other things?", a lose smile hung on his lips and I looked at him. How can someone look like that?

"No boyfriend because you know no one can put up with this profession. I haven't slept in three days so I'm fucking annoyed and the work is too much that I don't have time for other things", I shrugged and he chuckled. I didn't want to think about guys, I barely had time for myself. Filmmaking was a time bound profession.

"I relate, trust me I do", he turned his chair back around, his eyes on the computer screen and I looked at him. I could see why he could relate, I mean of course he didn't had time either. I knew idol schedules enough to know how these things go. "Why didn't you come that day?", he asked me and my insides twisted.

"I was hoping you don't bring it up", I said in a small voice.

"Why not? I waited for you", he said without looking at me and I threw my head back on the couch thinking of the time when he'd asked me out officially and I didn't make it. "At least I deserve to know what was more important that you didn't make it", he looked at me and I closed my eyes shut.

"I had a flight, I got an exclusive food show travel experience with discovery and it was too good for an opportunity to miss", I let it out and took a breath in. I knew I could never leave work for a guy, any guy, or anyone as a matter of fact and as much as I'd thought about it on the plane...it all seemed for the better. He wasn't the kind of guy I could've had my regular thing with and I was too young to be serious.

"It was a good show", he told me. I could feel his eyes on me and I didn't flinch. I didn't regret it but his words made me feel guilty. My head was on the headrest of the sofa I sat on and my eyes were closed. My subconscious could feel his curious gaze on me.

"Look away Namjoon", I said and I could feel his gaze was still on me.

"Why didn't you call me when you got back?", he asked me and I looked at him.

"I didn't because our cultures differ, everything is poles apart--what's the point of discussing it now?", I asked him, slightly annoyed. He and I separately needed to focus on our careers and he knew it too damn well.

"Okay", he turned around again as his monitor showed a circle indicating that the programme he'd launched was loading. "It does makes me feel better that my better position in life doesn't changes your opinion on me. Quiet comforting", he said, with a hint of sarcasm in his voice but I chose to ignore it. The last thing I'd be doing is fueling this feeling in him by discussing this useless thing which wouldn't make any difference whatsoever.

"Is this the reason you wanted me to do this project with you?", I asked him and he swiftly turned his chair around.

"No, I don't take all this for granted. I love the stuff you do. I'm pretty updated thanks to how active you're on your social media", he smiled and I couldn't shook the thought of seeing my psychotic episodes on my Instagram, Twitter...everywhere. I'm pretty weird out there.

"I love it, the stories", he flased his dimple smile before turning his chair around again and I felt his warmth, like he meant what he said.

For a second I was taken aback with how tall he was from me and how good he looked, he'd always looked good but he was more mature now and much more reserved. "I'll be calling you often because I won't send it for pre-production without your say on the concept", I told him.

"I'll look forward to a lot of calls", he said. "I'm sorry this is taking a while", he added quickly and for some reason I couldn't look away from him, whose back was visible to me.

"No, take your time", I said, crossing my arms against my chest. I really wished he was a regular guy just making music but then I didn't. I wouldn't want someone to wish that for me. He'd earned all of it and I knew it.

"Look away ___", he said slowly. I could feel his grin through his words and I looked away shaking my head right and left softly. "It's, yeah it's playing", he turned around as the music filled in the empty atmosphere.

It was a slow song with a really fast rap. It was how Namjoon was, he contradicted himself too much. I instantly knew it was his writing from the way the words went and the wordplay came into role. I couldn't help but analyze the song because I was supposed to shoot and sketch a music video for it and at times like this I didn't really get to enjoy the art for the art and I hated it.

"How was it?", he asked me, his eyes fixated on me as the music faded. I wanted it to last.

"The only problem with it is that it ends", I flashed a smlie at him and he shook his head throwing it back.

"That's too corny even for you", Namjoon rolled his eyes but I was being serious. "You know I appreciate heavy critics", he said.

"I didn't find anything to criticize, the writing is great, the composition fits and it has a catchy vibe to it. I think I would listen a song like that on a drive or something? In your case a bicycle but yeah! It's a good song", I summarized my opinion. "Do you like want a trendy video?", I asked him.

"Anything that you want to do with it", he said and I gently nodded. Since it was given to me, I couldn't stop thinking about what to do with it.

"Can you stop thinking about it while you're with me ___?", he chuckled and I looked at him taken aback for a second and then nodded with a soft smile pasted on my lips.

"Your fashion sense has improved", I remarked.

"You look casual", he teased me.

"I, I've no fashion sense. I just wear whatever is there", I told him.

"I don't think so, your Instagram says different", he said.

"It's for the show Namjoon", I said.

"You're really not the type to do that, please don't deceive me", he beamed before he turned his chair around again to minimize the current tabs on the computer.

"You're the last person I'd be deceiving--", my words were cut from an incoming call from one of the producers of one of the shows I was working on. "I need to take this", I told him and answered the call while he just gave me a gentle nod in response.

The producer had informed me about the issues related to casting and the final draft of the script and I knew I had to go.

"Guess I'll see you later, bye", Namjoon said warmly as he smiled at me. The thing was he just knew and that always stuck somewhere.

"Bye", I left.

________________

"I, for one, disagree. C'mon how do you even call it an end?", I threw my hands in the air as we discussed it for the millionth time. I liked Su-ho but his thoughts on GOT made me want to kill him. He is the only person I knew who was satisfied with how it ended.

"I think it was okay, c'mon, you have to consider that the novels didn't end and as compared to that I think it was pretty good", Su-ho claimed while he sat on the bean bag in front of me, pushing it comfortably.

"Don't even start with the novels--", my words were interrupted with the sound of the doorbell, "--they didn't even do a good job interpreting it and I am offended by that. Look there novels", I pointed at my bookshelf, showing him my GOT collection which he knew as I opened the door and my head bumped against Namjoon's chest as he took a step in.

He chuckled as he held the back of my head with one hand and pressed my forehead with the other and rubbed it gently to ease the pain.

"What's uh, what's that? Is it iron", I mocked, pointing at his chest while he let me go from his grip and took his shoes off.

"It can be", he said. "But why were you jumping around so enthusiastically?", he asked me as he seated on the couch in front of Su-ho, as he greeted him and Su-ho greeted him back.

"Game of Thrones heavy discussions", I sighed. "This is Su-ho who's illustrating the storyboard", I told Namjoon.

Su-ho was starstruck and it seemed like it'd take him a good minute to recover and Namjoon was obviously used to it. I didn't call him at the office because a lot of people would want to see him then and it could be exhausting plus he'd a time limit on his hands.

"You know him, ___?", Su-ho widened his eyes at me and I nodded, suppressing my laughter seeing his chaotic ass behave like this.

"A little", I said and I could feel Namjoon's gaze on me. "Maybe a lot", I rephrased. I could see by the way Su-ho looked at me that he needed answers. "Coffee?", I asked Namjoon.

"Oh yeah", he replied and I stood up. "I've thought of two concepts, Su-ho please brief him on it and if you want anything differently Namjoon, you can tell him", I told him as I marched towards the kitchen.

Should I use the regular coffee mugs or should I use the better ones? I mean it doesn't matter anyway but still, it kind of does? I don't know. It just comes to me, the over thinking.

Ah.

I could hear him and Su-ho talking about the concepts faintly and I was low-key proud because I did work hard on them. I opened the cabinet to take out the better coffee mugs.

This is what happens when you stop drinking milk and stop growing up. I rested my hands on the kitchen pavement thinking about how many shoes with heels I'd because of my height.

I wasn't very short but I wasn't my desired height too. It was sad. I was the right person to sell the tonics concerning height because my insecurity would make me buy it. I exhaled heavily and turned around to find Namjoon behind me.

"Let me", my hips pressed against the marble pavement while his body gently pressed against my front, I could spot the mole on his neck while he calmly took the box of mugs out. "Okay?", he whispered softly and I looked on without responding.

"Thanks", I told him, hoping he'd get away from me because this had me feeling some type of way. I won't admit what type of way. That makes it worse.

"Anytime", he clicked his lips, taking a few steps back as I stirred the coffee and poured it in three cups. Should've used regular ones.

"I like the quotes on that wall", he said as I handed him his cup, taking the other two. A wall of my house was covered in post-it notes and other stuff. Some print outs of Van Gogh and Frida's works alongside other things.

"Yeah that? Thanks", I said, as I gave the cup to Su-ho. "Did you decide on something?", I asked, as I sat down and Namjoon just beside me.

"Yeah, the first one. It was kind of okay, he made some alterations so I would send it to you by...maximum tomorrow", Su-ho told me. "But why did you call him here for just this?", he asked me.

"You seem so concerned about his whereabouts", I glared Su-ho . "I told him I could just email him but he insisted on doing it in person", I looked at Namjoon who took a long sip from his coffee.

"Yeah I did, don't worry I was absolutely free", Namjoon smiled at Su-ho and I could see Su-ho fanboy-ing.

"You're so in line today", I pressed my words.

"Shut up", Su-ho eyed me. I wrapped my hands around the coffee mug feeling its warmth.

After I talked to Namjoon for a while about the shoot and he explained to me about their company procedure and how they usually did things. I didn't like doing music videos or commercials, there's a lot of time you're bound by what the music video demands and you've to stick with that so that was that. I usually preferred either cinema like movies or dramas, I hadn't done much but I had done a few and travel shows were my preference.

"I'll see you next time then", Su-ho politely remarked looking at Namjoon and he smiled and gently bowed his head. I walked with him up-to the door. "I didn't, what the hell, you could've given me a heads up?", Su-ho whispered slowly to me as I leaned against the door.

"I didn't knew you were a fan", I said and he playfully hit me on my arm.

"I still can't believe it, you've to answer my hot questions next time", he said and I nodded.

"Okay okay", I closed the door shut behind me, taking a seat on the far side of the sofa me and Namjoon were seated on. He was scanning my bookshelf and I was looking at him.

"Literally 70% of it is fiction", he said. I read a lot of fiction and he read a lot of nonfiction.

"You should read fiction", I said and he looked at me slightly pissed.

"I do read fiction just not thar much", he pointed at my bookshelf. "If you've to recommend one, shoot", he said.

"Recommend, uh, the secrets of happiness", I said randomly and his face sunk in annoyance. "It's not a book talking about literal secrets of happiness, it has a story", I told him.

"Ah okay...I will try reading that. Let me take your copy", he said.

"No", I said back in a split second.

"I won't lose it, c'mon, ___", he said. I couldn't believe his testimony on not losing it.

"Fine, but it's annotated. You'll owe me big time if you lose it", I said and he nodded vigorously.

"Your place is great", he said looking around the house and I couldn't see why, I mean yeah maybe but not that I find it great if I think from his point of view.

"I'm barely here anyway. I pay rent for no reason", I kept the empty mug in my hand on the glass table in front of us.

"That was your friend though, Su-ho?", Namjoon asked as he kept his cup, followed by me.

"Oh yeah! I met him for work but then it's been a while since I know him, it's been years actually and he's a friend now", I said thinking about Su-ho. I don't know why I bothered explaining. It's been a good five years since Namjoon and I hadn't been in touch and there was a little catching up to do.

"You've always had a lot of friends, don't you", he sighed as he sat cross legged on the sofa facing me. I do have plenty friends honestly.

"Kind of", I shrugged. His gaze on me made me sit back in a more cautious way as I fixed my posture. "Namjoon...", I called out his name when the doorbell rung and I was irritated. "Give me a second", I stood up and walked up-to the main door.

It was my neighbor who's mother had left their house keys with me and he was here to take it back. He thanked me for keeping it and walked up to his own flat which was in front of mine.

I closed the door shut and Namjoon was standing by the balcony seeing a cactus I had grown since I couldn't grow any other plant because I was never home to take care of them in case.

"It's cute", he said as he picked the potted plant and stared at it for a little while and I stood behind him and watched him see it.

"You know your pupils dilate when you see plants", I said and he smiled to himself. He kept the cactus back in its resting place and stared at me. "What?", I asked him.

"You were going to say something", he said, his voice sounded deeper then usual for a second and I licked my bottom lip in haste.

"Oh that, you know the alterations you made? I will directly mail it to the staff and maybe cc you because it won't need a second check anyway. I've to get this done a little early since I've--", he turned towards me and I took a step back but there was barely any space and my back was pressed against the wall, "--what is it?", I asked but it came out as a whisper.

"Here", he dragged his index finger across my bottom lip and there was something on my lip. I didn't really see what was on there because of his presence so close to me. My heartbeat had fastened and I could feel it. Something I didn't want to feel.

"Thanks, I guess", I said slowly and he flashed his dimple smile at me and in that moment he seemed the opposite of the dominant he was a few seconds ago.

"Do you know you look really good?", he said, as his fingers ran across my ear touching the piercings one by one. I regretted having three all of a sudden. "And I didn't intended to do this but ___ I uh", he bent over a little, his lips a few inches away from my ear and his breath was falling on my neck.

"Namjoon", I said, trying to not look at him. I knew damn well I couldn't be able to control myself.

"Hmm", his voice was so small and I could feel goosebumps all over my neck. His gaze on me was strong and I had jitters in my stomach.

"I, uh--let's not okay", I put my hands on his shoulder as he pulled me more closer with a jolt and I gasped.

"Do you really not want to?", he asked me. It was a while since I was in this close proximity of someone like this but my subconscious kept telling me not to. "I don't understand what you find so undesirable about me", he took a few steps back and looked away.

What?

"Do you think I find you undesirable?", I asked him, pressing my lips suppressing my smile. I couldn't get how could he change roles in a span of few seconds.

"Yeah, it's pretty evident really", he sighed, looking at the the far side of the sky at the horizon and I saw him sulking.

"It's not that, are you fucking dumb? It's just you know you shouldn't start things you can't take care of", I said. For some reason I've always felt a little hesitant with him. "But you're desirable enough", I added.

"Sudden validation from you, ah", he clicked his lips in mockery and I felt bad. The last thing I wanted was to look like I was playing hard to get. I didn't feel competent enough in my heart. "Let me kiss you", he said, taking a few steps closer breaking the chain of my thoughts and I hated being so much in control and feeling a little out of place.

I was back to where I was a few seconds ago, me cornered and he put his lips on mine and my body automatically responded. He took over me in a second. My hands rested on his back and clutched the fabric. His hands travelled below my hips as he pulled me upwards and my legs wrapped around his waist. He didn't stop kissing me for one second and I didn't want him to, as he pressed his mouth harder on mine and I bit back a moan. I could feel the heat in my body and every vein seemed to electrify. He walked me up-to my bedroom like he knew which suddenly felt foreign to me as he laid me on the bed, breaking the kiss and I was breathless, panting for air.

I didn't had any resort in me to stop. I didn't want him to stop. I couldn't care more about whatever that had me concerned for a while. He watched me look at him and his lips curved in a smirk. "Should I stop?", he teased me taking a seat on the edge of the bed and I looked away from him to the right side, scoffing.

I pushed myself up, my hands at the hem of the lose white t-shirt I'd on and for a second I hesitated at the fact that he must've seen better flesh than mine but I pulled it upwards exposing myself in front of him as his eyes went everywhere. "Do you want to stop?", I asked him, as I crawled over to him. He didn't object as I sat on his lap and took his face in my hands. I looked in his eyes. He looked beautiful. I traced the outline of his skull, his jaw as I pushed his hair locks that were on his forehead behind. "Do you want to stop Namjoon?", I asked him again as he held me tight, giving me my answer.

He tugged at my neck with his mouth leaving a trail of gentle kisses down and I could feel my nipples startlingly prominent beneath the black lightweight bra I had on. I clutched his hair as he bit my neck suddenly and I gasped.

He pushed me on to him, nearer but there was barely any space for me to come close and I could feel him all over. He messily kissed me before groping my bottom and I-I cut a breath in. He would take turns and be gentler a second and rough the another. "Namjoon", I called out gasping which fueled him even more. He looked at me and smiled proudly at how he had me without doing much.

He flicked the straps of my bra shoving it down exposing my breasts and I could feel my nipples harden to the point it was painful. I wanted him. I wanted him to touch me, more. The way my body responded to his touch was almost funny, how quick, how wet.

I patiently unbuttoned his shirt and stripped it off of him while he looked at me with a gaze I couldn't quite make anything of, he just looked at me while he let me work on him. My hands touched his chest and my eyes examined his torso, his skin was warm and his gaze on me gave me confidence like he wanted me back as much I wanted him.

I was forgetting my own desperation for his touch as my hand traveled behind his back, trailing down to his spine and he looked at me as he cut a sharp breath in and I felt good seeing him giving in to me. His arms surrounded mine unclasping my bra in a second and he threw it off on the floor.

I half expected him to grab me and grope my breast but he swept me in his arms as his vaguely pink mouth pressed against mine and instead of hastily grabbing me, his mouth simply rested against mine and it was worse, much more intoxicating. I, on instinct coiled my arms against his neck.

As my tongue demanded entrance and he smiled before letting me, and in a second, roles were reversed, the romantic was gone. He took control and pressed his mouth harder on me with his thumb and finger pressing my nipple and my nails dug deeper in his neck. "Joon...", I on instinct called out, as I gasped for breath but he didn't let me.

He was hard against me and I grinded next to him which seemed to please him while he left my mouth, burning with a wanting for more while my sex clenched as he took control of my body putting his arms around my back and they were free to go anywhere. I wouldn't dare stop him.

A second later, he laid me on the bed and hovered over me before taking my shorts off in a whirl and pushed my underwear off me that it didn't seem reusable. I anticipated his actions but he pushed a thumb into my bottom without no warning and I clutched the sheets, a yell escaping my mouth. My fingers curled meanwhile his other arm grabbed my breast cupping it and a second later his forefinger and middle finger slipped inside of me and my grip on the sheets tightened.

"Shh", he hissed in my ear and I hadn't realized a moan had escaped my mouth. My whole body rocked in less then a minute and I couldn't control my voice, I gasped for breath and I moaned even louder then before. "I didn't take you for a screamer ___", Namjoon seemed amused while embarrassment washed over me as I laid exposed in front of him.

"Let me go down on you", I told him and he looked taken aback as I pushed myself up.

"Do you really want to?", he asked and I shifted closer to him, placing a gentle kiss on his lips.

"I would love to", I told him. "Do you want me to?", I asked him.

"Yeah, I mean yeah", he said when his phone rang echoing in the room and his face flushed into irritation as he looked at me and I nodded gesturing him to take it. He took it out of his pocket and answered it. With every word he spoke, his irritation grew. He hung up the phone call. "Where's the wardrobe?", he asked me and my eyes pointed behind him.

Namjoon opened my wardrobe and took out a very lose t-shirt of his choice from my stack of comfortable clothes. He held my arms and slipped the t-shirt on me, pulling me close. He stroked my face and he smiled in my face which forced me to smile as well.

"Am I suppose to expect something from you or should I forget this?", I asked him as his fingers tucked the few strands of my hair behind my ear.

"You're supposed to expect everything, don't dare forget it", he whispered in my ear, nibbling on it and I couldn't help but giggle. "I want to talk to you but I've to go now and I hate it", he smiled at me.

"Okay, go", I told him and he chuckled before letting me off him and he wore his shirt back on.

After seeing him off and taking a shower, I laid back on the couch in the living room thinking about everything that had happened. I didn't regret it, I wasn't thinking much about it anyway.

The guys I'd sex with or made out with, I disliked them because of their narcissism. I appreciated my ability to find guys that were a-grade assholes. I've always had this feeling that I am lacking in some sense with other people. I look normal, like I should but I get this insecurity when taking my clothes off.

I didn't knew what Namjoon thought about it and asking him would be weird. No one who knows me like him would think I am this insecure or anxious about this stuff but then a major part of it has to do with my aura, I guess?

________________

I took a bite of the sandwich that I held in my hand as I walked around the second set just nearby to the first one. I stood afar, taking a good look, even though the storyboard fits the sights I still need to frame out a rough sketch work in my head.

I took another bite staring at the beach and the path to it and then back to the set that we'd build up by man power. It was pretty accurate in my eyes but I wanted to hear from my assistant director.

I took the walkie talkie out from the pocket of my denim and pressed the centre button, "Jae-chan, where are you?"

In a second he reverted, "Ah sunbae I am near the gripper".

"Come to the road that leads to the beach", I said, before shoving the walkie talkie down in my pocket.

The sea met the sky at the far point of the horizon and how the world is full of these illusions which are not real we know but we still believe. After all there's beauty in things that you don't get. Vastness maybe?

Sea and sky — the two melancholic blues.

"Sunbae?", Jae Chan broke the chain of my thoughts and I glanced at him before looking at the sea. His breath was heavy, I could tell he ran here.

"You could have walked, Chan-ah", I said, smiling. He was really young and passionate about filmmaking but also a little silly. He's cute.

"Ah it's okay. Did you need something?", he asked politely and I shook my head. I liked the input of many people on the same thing, it showed the number of opinions that could centre around one thing that you make in a different context which is then perceived in another.

"Do you think this is accurate in terms of the story board?", I asked him and he seemed lost in thought.

"I would say slightly better because the storyboard is still animation and this is real so I would say better. I'm pretty sure it'll be good sunbae", he told me and I could feel a smile flush on my lips. "You are nervous, aren't you?", he asked me.

"Yeah", I wrinkled my nose, turning around to walk off. I patted Jae Chan's back and he started walking with me.

"You don't have to be, and oh, he's here", he said assuring me and I knew who he meant by he.

My mind automatically went to the day in my apartment. Namjoon had messaged me after but he got busier with his work and I am not a text-er plus I'd a lot of things to do before I left Korea. It was, I didn't knew anything and I didn't want to think about it. I hoped he'd pretend nothing happened, please. But I knew he won't.

I sighed and as I entered the main set, around the vanity and food truck, the manager and Namjoon's staff members greeted me. After that, I mean impractically I wanted earth to open and swallow me. Living is hard anyway.

I'd a flight on the weekend, I'd to pack and I'd to get new boots but I'm just dumb because I'm trying to think of other things. I need a new nail paint, do I? I looked at my nails which were painted black. Maybe grey?

"Sunbae?", Jae Chan shook me and I looked at him. He gestured me to look up front and Namjoon was right there looking like Namjoon.

"Hi", I awkwardly waved at him.

"Hi", he flashed his dimple smile at me. His dimple smile hits me.

"You can get the makeup and hair done, I've a few things to recheck", I excused myself. This is awkward. This is so awkward. I hate it.

Δ

Even though I had that awkwardness lingering around but we were nearing to the end of the shoot which went really good because everyone worked so hard. It was mostly one-takes and the lighting supported the whole setting making it so easier for us to finish.

Moreover, it was a while since I had done a music video so it felt good being back on a set like this. Namjoon looked really good with the styling and although I knew the outfits pre-shoot, he still looked better then I'd imagined him to look which enhanced the whole vibe of the music video. He owned earthly tones.

That's why casting and styling is so important. Very much. Makes a gigantic difference.

"What's wrong with you?", I didn't notice he was standing next to me with a small fan in his hands while we prepped for the last shot.

"What's wrong with me?", I asked him, as I adjusted the frame in the main camera. I didn't want this conversation especially right now, especially here.

"I mean...you knowww?", I could feel his stare while I shifted the camera, something is wrong with this.

"I don't know", I said, without looking at him. I was unintentionally making him mad and nothing else.

"I was really scared that you'd say this and see, I mean, why can't you behave normal when I mention anything about us?", he hissed near me and I looked around. Luckily there was no one in our proximity to hear this conversation.

"I-I, Namjoon", I exclaimed, vaguely pointing at the setting hoping we could do this later and I could explain that I would love us but he needs to understand that I won't even be in Korea as much as he thinks I would be and that's why it won't work out.

"I don't care", he eyed me.

"I do. I care, okay? There's no us to begin with and I know I was stupid enough to ask you what I should expect out of, what would you call it, we made out. That's that", I tried being really slow and I could feel annoyance in his sight.

"Made out! Okay, okay fine. I can't believe I deal with you. You're the one who doesn't text or call or even respond to it and that's bare minimum ___", he pondered and I internally rolled my eyes.

I was leaving on the weekend. I was always leaving. That's it. "I don't have to and I have a life Namjoon. I've been working non stop all this time. I don't expect you to understand", I said, standing up from my seat while I called for the head DOP from the walkie talkie.

"You don't want to be understood ___", Namjoon said, grabbing me from my arm and stopping me. He wasn't wrong. A few eyes snapped and I forced a smile immediately. "I like you, I like you a lot. Deal with it", he walked past me.

Deal with it.

As if.

Very abruptly, the last shot rolled in and it was over. The music video was done in a day. It was originally a two day sketch but we had to narrow it down to one day because of Namjoon's schedule and it was worrisome because it did seem impossible but things went smoothly and it was successfully over.

I told Jae Chan to wrap the filming site, though most of it was done while I was present. I picked my bag from a table to leave, kept right ahead from the vanity. Namjoon had left, I guess. I wasn't sure because after the last shot he was angry. He had his jaw clenched all that time, he barely managed to keep it out on the music video.

He was like this, his anger was pretty evident and that hadn't changed.

I like you. I like you a lot.

I couldn't wrap my head around that thought. Did he like me all this time? It sounded pretty crazy to me. I had never thought about anything with Namjoon. He was a friend I could like but I didn't, I had never expected anything out of my acquaintance with him anyway.

"You ate?", his deep voice made me look at him who stood at the steps of the vanity. He hadn't left yet.

"No", I said. He had changed into his normal clothes, the makeup was gone but he still looked great. His natural complexion was shining as the set lights fell onto his face. It made me surer how Namjoon needed someone who could be there rather then somebody who's never there.

"Come eat something", he said calmly. He looked much composed then before.

"I am not hungry", I stated just when he darted towards me. He held me by my forearm, dragging me into the vanity which was empty except for us. A few dishes were laid out on the table in front of the small couch.

"Eat and leave", he said, taking a seat on one of the chairs in front of the mirrors fidgeting with his phone while I quietly sat on the couch. I just wanted it to be over but I'd no appetite so I kept staring at the couple of Italian dishes which were pasta, carbonara I guess, rissoto and also jjangmyeong. "Just eat anything ___", he said, without bothering to look at me.

"I don't really have an appetite", I said, throwing my head back and looking at the ceiling of the vanity.

"What you've is a habit of skipping meals", he eyed me.

I looked at him. "Do you remember everything? Like literally everything?", I asked him as curiosity brimmed in my eyes.

"You don't?", he asked me back. "Well, for me, yeah I do. I did remember every thing but I should probably forget now. I didn't really asked to work with you because I wanted something but I can't say I didn't hope", he locked his phone and kept it on the space in front him. "I mean, we did had something. We did have something a few days ago. You can't exactly call me a friend and I've never seen you as one. The moment you walked in trying to fix the mess on the set since then till now I can't say I didn't hope you'd look at me the same way", he said, bringing all the memories back alive, but it was true, I never looked at him the way he'd wanted me to, hell, I couldn't believe it one bit. "It's true", he said, as if he just read my mind.

It was, it didn't made sense to me. How could he? Why would he? I uh, I think shit's wrong with me because even now I can't seem to focus on someone who confessed their feelings and that someone being Namjoon from all people.

I remember when I was one of the assistant directors under the director for one of the most low-key and low budget project. They didn't had many resources and our firm wasn't doing well either. We always had to come up with hacks, unknown locations for shooting...it was always so hard. We didn't had any respect in the industry.

It was two companies in one boat at the end of bankruptcy and we were so young and such good friends. I knew the rest of the members too but I kind of had a certain vibe with Namjoon. He could get me without having to speak.

I locked at him, his face was fixated on me and I could like him, in fact I did love him not romantically, I just did. I had a lot of love for him. He was caring for the people around him and I loved talking to him. He never once made anyone feel like he was a celebrity back then and a global celebrity now well yeah. He did deserve someone who could be here for him.

He stood up and walked towards me and my eyes followed him. He took a seat next to me and I could see he picked a bowl up but I didn't see which one because I couldn't stop looking at him. Namjoon took a significant amount and extended it to me and I looked at the noodles for a second and then at him. He just nodded and I ate it.

It was good.

"Thanks", I said, wiping the corners of my mouth with my fingers.

"Do you want me to feed you all the way or can you eat your own?", he asked me.

"I will eat", I told him and he gave me the bowl so I could eat on my own. "You ate?", I asked him and he instantly nodded.

"You're going somewhere, aren't you?", he asked me and I felt as if I've just been struck with something.

"Hmm", I said, my mouth almost filled. "And, I...I want to tell you something like adults and clear it. Namjoon you know my work and I am always not here, never. It's useless. Trust me on this, it's not like that but you know you'll need someone beside you and I can't be the one", I told him, calmly, before gulping water down.

"I know that but I'm okay with it. In fact, we would go hand in hand better because I can't take you out on exotic dates as well. This is what you get", he vaguely gestured at the vanity and I chuckled and he warmly smiled at me.

After a second, I spoke much seriously then before, "It will be hard and you know that. It'll be frustrating. You could hate me".

"If you've tired it with someone before, I am not exactly happy knowing this, but you shouldn't compare me with some random dude with a peculiar taste in leather clothing", he rolled his eyes, shifting his back comfortably.

"Hey! Don't be mean just because you see stuff on my Instagram", I scoffed and he maintained his long face.

"No really, what do you take me for? You think you won't have time for me? I won't have time for you", he went on.

"Namjoon", I dragged his name. His tendency to be sarcastic at odd moments is unmatched.

"Don't call my name like that", he stared at my eyes.

"Like what?", I asked him.

"Like you can love me", he said.

"I...you don't have to be like this", I said, keeping the empty bowl on the table.

"Give me a chance then, try it out. I would wait for you I promise", Namjoon took my hand in his and covered it with his warmth.

"Will I be able to...wait?", I looked away from him, thinking about it so hard.

"___ don't think too much. I promise, we'll be fine", he said, his hands travelling to my waist and before he could grab it. I screeched closer to him. I cupped his face and attached my lips to his, while his hands held on my body.

________________

My relationship with Namjoon was better then I imagined it. I tried my best to be there for him and he was surprisingly almost there for me but it wasn't exactly easy.

It was months and months of hardships and Namjoon was more needy then I thought him to be, he needed a lot of assurance. I don't understand the notion that he holds of everyone wanting me so he needs to be extra careful. I still don't get that his insecure ass doesn't trusts his own members, he won't let me meet them at all.

He was really different. He shifted from dominant to romantic in one second. I loved that. I kind of missed it so much.

He held my hand I could feel it by the way his skin felt against mine, he whirled me around and in a second his hand rested on my waist as he urged me to walk next to him. He was in a perfect disguise and I looked at him. I could tell he was smiling beneath his black mask.

"See, this is why I don't trust other guys! How could you let someone do this to you in the midst of the road in a foreign country?", he asked me.

"No stranger would confidently do this to anyone in a foreign country", I playfully hit him on his leg and he stopped, pretending to be gravely hurt. "I can't believe you", I looked at him as I went with his act. I supported him in standing completely. In a second, he intertwined his fingers with mine.

"I missed you", he softly whispered in my ear.

"I missed you too", I whispered back, softly. I pulled him in an empty alley and pulled his mask down. "I need you to do something", I told him, nibbling on his ear and I could feel my skin feel the heat that it yearned for since a couple of months before him going on tour.

"Right now?", he asked surprised.

"Yeah, right now", I said and I could feel him harden against my pelvis.

"You are...so, not right now. Let's go to your hotel room. I'm still famous", he pulled me closer and I chuckled. He turned me around, pulling his mask down, he kissed me hard. His mouth pressed against mine. I held him tightly and he gasped. "I love you", he softly said before pulling his mask up.

"I, you", I held his hand again.

[saksukei]

wen junhui college au

other college aus; wonu minghao mingyu

you're damn right if you think that wen junhui is a theatre arts major because he iS and that too with humanistic studies as a minor aH and he's also on the rowing team,,, he started rowing as a joke and now he has one of the best times??? like. how.

and everybody knows he has too much energy and he uses it in the best way possible

like the plays? dude has a separate fanclub

you keep on seeing new tweets about “who’s the black haired guy in the play?” like wen junhui’s popularity is straight up no joke,, EVERYBODY KNOWS HIM

you on the other hand are an exercise physiology major with nutrition as a minor and you're also part of the rowing team,, and you have the best time for the women’s team,, which means,, you see junhui every other day,,

the coach pairs you guys often,, but there’s only one small issue,,,

YOU HATE WEN JUNHUI

he's such a pain in the ass,, he teases you every time he sees you,,, he always challenges your skills and makes you doubt yourself,, oh the amount of times you’ve wanted to deck him in the face,,

and today was the same as well

“you're not dead yet?” you hissed, as you saw jun approach you,,

“dont sound so disappointed, I might think you don't like me,” he retorted, a smug expression on his face, as he set his bag right beside yours.

“but I really don't like you,” you roll your eyes,,

jun chuckled, as he clapped his hands together, getting everyone's attention.

you guys were practicing indoors, on the rowing machine because there was some trouble with the equipment and the coach had to go get new stuff

which also meant he left jun in charge,, the teams assembled,, looking at junhui for directions,,

“alright everyone, warm up for ten and then start with a thousand metres,” he instructed. “and y/n, you're my partner.”

you rolled your eyes while everyone was whistling or smirking

it was no secret that you and jun didn't get along and he purposely tried to get on your nerves,,, heck everyone in the club said you two would fall in love at one point or another but you assured them by saying you'd rather choke

“your IQ is lower than room temperature junhui if you think that I want to train with you,” you hissed, as the two of you walked towards the machine.

“oh I'm sorry, I don't compare my intelligence quotient to someone who was deprived of oxygen when they were born,” he snapped, as he started warming up.

“you know what,” you spoke. “i'll just aggressively ignore your existence until you disappear.”

“maybe you should try doing it with that bird hair of yours, looks like worms will crawl out of it soon”

“why don't you look at your face first– ass clown?”

“why don't you look at your face first ass clown” he mimicked in a high pitched tone and all you wanted was to stab him there and then

“CAN YOU TWO SHUT UP WE'RE TRYING TO PRACTICE?” one of the team members yelled, causing you two to fall silent and warm up.

the next day,,, one of your best friends had begged you to go to her department because she had misplaced one of her things,, you only agreed on the basis that you'd be getting pizza

you were passing by the theatre to the class she told you to go to,, and you heard someone rehearsing their lines,, you went ahead to see who it was,,

of course it was jun with a script in his hands,,

and you don't know what it was,, but something just pulled you into the room,, maybe it was the way his words echoed of the walls,, the emotion in those alluring eyes of his,,

you actually sat down and listened to him instead of wanting to kill him,,, understanding what the hype was around him,,

like? you didn't even know this side of junhui existed??? excuse me? he was the biggest dick alive to you so you never really paid attention to anything nice that he did but this,,

you didn't even realize he had stopped until someone snapped you out of it

and you saw jun standing right in front of you

“well well well, it looks like I have a fan,” he smirked, folding his arms as he bent down to your level

“h-heck no,, I was just,,, looking for the um.....” you cursed your memory internally for forgetting.

“umm?” he teased,,

“shut up, I really was looking for something,” you snapped

“alright, alright” he surrenders,, raising his hands in defeat. “how was it though?” he asked.

“what?”

“the lines,, i'm sure you heard some of it.”

“they were um,,, good,” you reply,, shyly,, you've never been used to giving him compliments,,

jun nods as an awkward silence befalls the both of you,, you take it as a que to leave,, but then his voice stops you,,

“hey,, why don't you rehearse with me?” he suggested. “my actual partner is really busy and I need someone to rehearse with.”

“uh,, yeah sure?” you reply,,, as he hands you the script,,

jun started reciting his lines and you responded with the same enthusiasm

but the only thing that worried you was the last,, scene

in the script, it was written that jun's chracter would walk over to where you were, push your character against the wall and would try to initiate a kiss but your character would push him away

and so jun recited his last line, “i don't think I've ever tasted lips so fine, heck i'd taste them over and over again” he walked towards you, eventually pushing you against the wall

and your hEART WAS LIKE BADUMP!!

and his face was an inch from away from yours and you could feel his breath tickling your ear and you realized,,, how pretty wen junhui was,, how perfectly sculptured his face was,, those lips,, those cheekbones?? wait what??

and you were so mesmerized with how he acted on stage you didn't really realize you had to play a part as well

jun broke his stance, “you know you're supposed to push me away right?”

AND YOU BECAME RED

“y-yeah uh–but I–um remembered that I left the stove on!” you lied. “aND I DID SO BYE JUN!” you grabbed your bag and yEETED YOURSELF OUT OF THERE

and jun was confused but he ignored it and started rehearsing again

you on the other hand were trying to calm yourself like ???? It's just wen junhui? what the FUCK? Why is your heart racing so fast?? you were so confused? wHY? why is this happening

and the next time you saw him at training, oh dear god

“well if it isn't miss sunshine,” jun grinned.

“shut up jun, your existence makes me want to die,” you muttered,,, you felt your cheeks getting warm,,

“well, great, I think I'd be doing the world a favor.”

“jun if you're going to bother me one more time during practice I'm going to kick you so hard you will lose the ability to entertain a partner” you hissed, as you started warming up.

“nah,, you don't have the balls to do it,” he grinned, especially proud of the pun he used.

“you know what,,, I don't give a damn, so just leave me alone.”

“you give so many damns, they're visible from space,,,” he says,, his face is close to yours,, and you stop BREATHING

jun grins,, he thinks he has rendered you speechless,, as he goes up ahead to train with the boys,,

aND YOU FELT YOUR HEART WAS GOING TO JUST POP OUT OF YOUR CHEST

and now you were noticing all of these little things about him,, from his silly smile, to how he rolls his eyes, copies every small thing someone else does, to his goofy jokes, how his hair falls on his face, or just,,, him in general

all the while trying to keep your angry/annoyed facade so that he wouldn't pick up on it

but oh boy, it's wen junhui

and he notices every goddamn thing

including how much you've been staring at him especially in today's training session

he knew you were acting really weird since the rehearsal thingy but he was letting it slide because he thought you were upset or something and he didn't want to get on your nerves more

regardless, you decided to ignore jun from today onwards,, to stop feeling whatever you were feeling,,

and every thing was going great

you barely talked to him in rowing practice, you didn't attend the plays or even go anywhere near him

and jun,,,, he stopped annoying you as well

for two months

the whole damn university noticed but nobody dared to say anything ,,,,, in fear that you guys won't talk again

you were casually walking to the cafeteria and you heard something that just ,,,,, made your heart stop

“did you hear that jun got injured really badly? He was practicing in the theatre and this glass fell on his foot,,”

aND YOU DID A FULL 180 AND RAN AS FAST AS YOU COULD TO WHERE HE WAS

you had no idea why you suddenly cared so much like sure yeah, it was bad he got hurt but you were running so fast you felt your heart would pop out of your chest

the nurse eventually led you to where he was

and you saw his leg covered in bandages???

and your heart just broke

“hey what are you doing here?” jun asked. “i haven't seen you in like,,, two months?”

“jun I'm sorry–” you felt tears slide down your face. “i'm sorry I ignored you every time you tried to make a conversation with me or whatever I just,,, I had all these feelings that I couldn't figure out and I got scared–”

“hey hey hey, it's okay,” he cooed, as he opened his arms wide, only for them to wrap around you, as you cried in his chest. “no harm done, I promise.”

“no but jun– I was really inconsiderate and I just kept on feeling like I was missing something but I couldn't figure out what it was,” you cried out. “i felt ignoring you would be a solution but I just, I don't know?”

“hey, okay listen to me– what happened in these past two months happened–” he wiped the tears from your face. “but I hope you understand that the only reason I used to bother you a lot was because,, well,,, I really geniunely like you.”

“l-like me?” you stuttered.

“why do you think I annoy the crap out of you?”

“because you're an idiot, you like doing stuff like this,” you answered.

“but you're the only one I annoy?”

“okay that part I missed,” you give him a weak smile,, jun chuckles,, ruffling your hair,,

“in all seriousness though, I hated these two months. I felt like you were upset or something and I didn't want to risk hurting you even more so I stopped talking altogether because I thought you'd talk to me if I did,,” he admitted.

“its my fault this happened in the first place,” you responded. “and I now realize how stupid I am.”

“you're not stupid, you're just an ass clown,” he joked, a playful smile on his face.

“but i'm still sorry, junhui,” you sighed. “i really didn't want this to happen.”

“hey, it's okay– we both were right in our own places.”

“so um now what do we do?” you asked.

“well it depends,” he answered. “does someone want a cute, charming, handsome and brilliant boyfriend?” he grinned.

“only if he wants an amazing, beautiful, smart and talented girlfriend,” you answered.

“oh he sure as hell does,” jun grinned.

[athys-obelia]

summary: no one's evil au lmfaooo but make it pt. 2

character/s: anastacius de alger obelia, claude de alger obelia, athanasia de alger obelia, jennette de alger obelia

and here's part 1 <3

oh my god okay. okay. so.

ana, claude, athy and jennette - they go on a LOT of vacations

claude complains every single time but anastacius pulls his trump card and sends athy and jettie BOTH after him

u think he's strong enough to say no after that? lmao jokes

and their vacations always go this way:

jennette: isn't this scenery just gorgeous, uncle

claude: indeed it is. and...quiet

jennette: ...too quiet

[cut to anastacius in the distance, fighting a bear as athy cheers him on]

athy + anastacius, hands down the most chaotic pairing yes i will not be taking criticism

they have tea in ana's palace everyday, just the two of them, they're so poised and picture perfect through the entire thing everyone thinks it's just the emperor giving profound advice to his heir

it's actually them deadass scheming,,, ana has no qualms discussing everything from court gossip to military tactics, both of which she's so on top of all the time

if anyone shit talks jennette or claude, this tea party is where their slow and agonizing demise is planned out to the dot

[true story - count sivan once made the fatal mistake of expressing his favour for athy as the next empress, dissing jennette by comparing her to athy sm which inevitably sparked a debate that ranked the princesses. a week after athy's sources informed her of the kindling behind this new debate, the count's sudden divorce became the talk of the town, and the man's business faced bankruptcy all of a sudden. the sivans still haven't recovered.)

athy n jennette were actually allowed to visit kiel in arlanta a few times, except it was too dark at their first arrival, postponing the meeting to the next morning

buttt then jettie can't sleep and she decides on a midnight snack run (their hotel doesn't really have the maids the palace does, but oh well. she's left the palace w lucas n athy plenty of times)

felix tags along btw, he knows this trip is important to the girls since they're leaving the palace without their Overprotective Papas™ for the first time and want some sense of independence, but... she's just so smol n he couldn't bear it if anything happens so he just shadows her

she totally knows he's there

n e ways so there's a juice place right beside their hotel which she aims for, but when jennette reaches it, it's closed

and out of nowhere, a voice addresses her - "hey you, do you come here a lot?" she nearly jumps out of her skin at the brunette, relaxing when she sees he's literally a kid around her age and not a murderer lmfaoo "me neither," he continues without waiting for her, pouting at the closed sign, before he asks for her name and whether she's new in arlanta

she confirms that yes, she's only visiting, and refuses to tell the stranger her name, still feeling strange at being addressed as 'you' for the first time (well, minus lucas, but he was like her brother and had the emotional capacity of a teaspoon, so)

he eyes her. "you're so weird. i've never seen a girl out so late before, and alone too. are you stupid?"

(felix has his sword out at this point)

she's flushing now and has no idea why she's still out here, but then this stranger kid apparently senses her mood and tells her the best ice cream store in arlanta is not too far away

(he also explains he knows someone who's starts doing weird things when she's hungry as well, and tries to defend that ice cream is actually a healthy midnight snack, "you can just take a healthy flavour like strawberry or mango, mangos are healthy,,right"💀️💀)

so jettie has travelled all the way from obelia, she loves her papa but he would have a heart attack if he found out she was ever awake this late?? yeah bc she's never getting this chance again, jennette accepts the offer

the stranger boy seems to be taking the whole "i'm not telling you my name," thing like a joke, and asks what he should call her since 'you' was getting boring

she goes with "lady j" and like a knight, the boy becomes "sir c"

(felix is on the verge of committing a crime - the princesses can only have one knight, after all)

they walk as the the boy navigates the streets in the dark, and she asks whether he's from the academy, seeing his uniform

"of course i am! you could probably tell bc i look so smart, right?"

she snorts. "yeah, that."

she also comes to know that this guy,,,well he might as well be a tourist? she's out here asking stuff like "oh where's the statue of lady alphia?" or "aren't we really close to the museum where they keep the first emperor's sword?" and he goes "lady do i look like your brochure?? but if you turn right from here there's a cool arcade and across the street from there is the best street food vendor you'll ever eat from."

well at least mans had his priorities straight 😌

"so can you take this off?" he asks, pointing towards her dress once they've neared the store

um???????? sir tf????????????

anyways jettie has been living with lucas n her dad farr too long to not take this the wrong way?? "...no?"

the boy raises an eyebrow "look, it looks like an expensive cloak but i promise i'll return it, alright? i gotta hide my uniform."

ohhhhhhh. 😳.

so she unfastens the cloak and because he's kinda just staring at it cluelessly (he can't even tie his shoelaces fight me), jennette sighs and moves the clothing over his shoulder, fastening it in place at his neck

he's literally a tomato when she looks back up and realises that yes, we are way too close rn

bc she's ana's daughter, jennette by default cannot function when she's flustered. so she kinda stumbles backwards like a fish out of water (years of princess training n etiquette? where art thou??) and 'sir c' has to grab her forearm so she doesn't bump into the pillar behind her smfh

the shopkeep is definitely suspicious of this pair that's definitely too young to be out so late, but chalks it down to his sleeplessness

they escape the store with the ice cream before the shopkeep can ask any questions, and 'sir c' escorts jennette back to her hotel. he climbs onto the roof of the building, helping her up as well

(felix wishes he had a magic stone to capture this moment, this is the first time he's seen jennette become such fast friends with someone)

she stands on the roof (it hurts her butt so she doesn't wanna sit)

"my sister would be so jealous right now," jennette murmurs, "she told me her ideal first date would be either a picnic or something like a moonlit walk. we're having like a moonlit picnic."

it's silent for a few seconds the boy speaks up, "is this a date?"

oh-

oh.

"i mean- i didn't- i don't- uh."

give her some time lmfao she's loading

"i don't really mind that," he tells her, and she thinks she might just walk off the roof in her embarrassment - who just says something like that?? "you're probably feeling really lucky right now, right?"

jennette: ✊😔

he does look pretty in the moonlight, she admits to herself, listening as he excitedly tells her about his siblings at home and how she should send an offering to the gods since they gave her the good fortune to be on a date with the most good looking one of all four of them

in turn, she tells him about how she spent her childhood away from her amazing dad and had gotten closer to him recently, about her sharp-witted uncle, her sister and friends

(the 'friends' section includes felix and he's melting)

she smiles - it's almost as if, at finding out he treasures his family just as much as she does, they've gotten a bit closer

and he tries to listen. jennette had guessed that his temperament was somewhat like her dad's - her dad didn't know how to listen, always making his opinion known before anything else, though she supposes as emperor he could do that

'sir c', on the other hand, tried his best, his blue eyes focused on her as he almost burst from the unsaid words he was holding back, trying to let her finish. the sight was an odd mix of sad and insanely adorable that she couldn't help but let him tell her about everything he couldn't hold in

sensing she could pass out from her exhaustion nearly half an hour later, and 'sir c' escorts her to her window and helps her sneak in bc "what sort of knight would i be otherwise?!"

(felix can't stop shaking the entire night)

the next morning, jennette's heart is pounding as kiel shows her, athy and felix across campus - the chance is low, but still...

"ezekiel!" comes a voice, and the four watch as a turquoise haired boy waves down the alpheus heir "are these the guests you mentioned?"

kiel introduces the trio to johannes vastia before asking, "where's cabel?"

"at the training grounds, he asked if you could bring everyone there so he could show them around there."

"... they're my guests though?"

athy is quick to befriend johannes (i mean she and his sister are practically the same person, so) and at the grounds, jennette's blood runs cold

(so does felix's)

the brunette doesn't notice her at first, arguing with johannes about something as kiel introduces him as cabel ernst

jennette is hyperventilating?? actually back up is this girl even breathing??

cabel ernst from kiel's letters? the 'loud and obnoxious cabel ernst', who gradually turned into 'my acquaintance cabel ernst', then 'hardworking, passionate cabel ernst', and finally 'my friend cabel'?

she'd actually rather admired this slow build of respect between her friend and the ernst boy, and had even expressed her interest to meet him

"this is the first daughter of his highness prince claude de alger obelia, princess athanasia-" cabel mock salutes the princess before his mouth forms an 'o' and he remembers to bow, "-and here's the emperor's only daughter, her highness princess je-"

andddd his eyes widen comically "-hey, lady, it's you?"

yeah jettie is on the brink of literal death - her entire face reddens as this...cabel, grins at her

she watches as he glances behind her, "and you're the guy who was following us - sup?"

felix flinches "...you knew...?"

cabel shrugs. "i mean you do kinda suck ass at the whole subtle thing."

"don't say it like that," jennette retorts, "felix was trying his best."

"princess 😭😭 you knew as well?"

"uhhhh no?"

athy + kiel in a corner: 👁️👄👁️

they watch as cabel's eyes widen all of a sudden and he just,,,runs away

...🐦...🐦...🐦...

yeah well anyway he comes rushing back a few minutes later, a piece of cloth in his hand "...*huff* here *huff*...you go."

athy totally flips out "jennette is that your CLOAK???!??"

"uhhhhh no?"

"um do you realise uncle would literally wage war at this."

and as if it would make everything better,

"i washed it," cabel offers with a grin

"you didn't," the vastia heir deadpans

"i mean, johan helped a little bit."

kiel smiles murderously at the pair. "johan, did you know cabel took the princess out?"

"wait, you're a PRINCESS??"

your honour they aren't very smart

so the group orders some coffee (milk for cabel smfh) to find out what happened, cabel mentions "date" and everything goes to shit again lmfao

kiel and felix scheme against poor cabel while athy n johan get over that stage pretty quick ("listen. MY sister will be living with ME after the marriage and if your friend wants to be with her he'll have to come with us to obelia." and johan's just like "fine by me ✌️😊") and start planning the wedding

cabel + jennette dip n sneak out of the academy again to get the juice they couldn't the night before bc shit is getting awkward here

on another note, our uncle cius' musical intelligence is actually very high - he can probably play more instruments than i can name tbh, but he feels most comfortable singing and i shit you not, this man has straight up an angel's voice

(didn't like singing in front of others coz he was secretly a nerd and only knew old love songs with deep lyrics, athy found out and educated him)

jennette tends to have nightmares often, most often regarding their family - she's seen her father murder her uncle for the throne, and vice versa, athy admitting her affections towards jennette were a front to get the position of crown princess, her uncle killing her to solidify athy's claim, etc - her family is her everything, so despite however many times these horrible scenes play before her, she's left sobbing uncontrollably

and on these nights, she leaves for her father's room, who holds her close and sings her to sleep

also lucas n jennette are like sibling duo# 1,,, jettie is an active lucathy shipper even though he denies it sm - like their dynamic is just peaceful walks in the gardens as she watches the plants n lucas shi talks the nobility and kiel

claude and athy have a thing for each other's sleeping on each other? idk it's weird

athy once fell asleep on the couch while reading with him, and claude moved her head onto his lap so she wouldn't be uncomfy sitting - well, she woke up to his hand absentmindedly raking through her hair and it was just so soothing that whenever she's tired and he's working or reading, she just plops her head on his lap and zzzz

and claude wondered what was up with that, so she proposed they switch roles and he felt so awkward trying to lay down in front of her lmao

obviously athy noticed and she just started reading, thinking he might be more comfortable if her attention isn't on him completely - she ended up reading out loud while playing with his collar and he just,,,passed out

also anastacius has definitely pulled jennette aside regarding the issue of his heir at some point - she had been hesitant at first before admitting she wouldn't like to be the empress at all

i know we'd all love to see empress!jettie and her sister duchess!athy ruling the court, but i really really really can't see her wanting the title?

so thus start athy's empress lessons, but holy shit her teacher is mean

like this man makes me want to bash his face in?? so he doesn't like the idea of athy becoming empress over jennette at all, all bc of both hers and claude's mothers being commoners

he has one of those long ass sticks that you use in presentation to point at stuff?? idk but basically mans has athy name every region, its lords and their vassals during their first lesson

the first time she gets one wrong, she's too shocked as the stick meets the delicate skin of her forearm to react

now the thing is, wmmap!athy would probably stand up against this bc her dad is the emperor and she's his only heir, but i imagine with anastacius' social nature he holds many parties / balls where she's probably heard claude's mom + diana slander and it wouldn't be unreasonable for her to be self conscious abt it (now she's the emperor's heir while jennette, 100% royal + noble blood, is right there which probably makes her feel even less legitimate)

so she endures it, the light marks on her arms as well as the taunts of his she's too smart to not understand - perhaps this is the price to be accepted in jennette's place?

and honestly, no one really notices until at breakfast a few weeks in, where jennette mentions how her dresses are still so modest when sleeveless dresses were more in fashion - ana is suspicious because athy is always on top of these things, societal trends and such, and claude is sus from the way she hesitates slightly in her answer, "i haven't had the time lately, i suppose"

the lesson after focuses on ettiquete since everyone knows she's good at politics and such already, but now tears of frustration are pooling in her eyes because what the hell?? this guy had made an opinion of her long before he even met her, so anything she did would be wrong in his eyes

he gives her a sinister smile, "tired, princess?"

"no," she insists, keeping her voice level. he's about to spout some other nonsense, when anastacius enters the room, taking a seat across from her

anastacius watches quietly as athy answers the teacher's questions in her "public" voice. he watches as her usually cheery disposition is replaced by something far more...dead, despite the front she puts on for him. he's soundless as she hesitates in her answers where she normally would've been louder, more confident. he stops watching in silence when his niece flinches at the sight of the stick

oh.

he interrupts her lesson, not missing the way she winces almost imperceptibly when he grabs ahold of her arm, announcing, "we're going."

he just- it's just that that was the moment he knew for sure - the sight of his niece emotionally disheveled for the first time reminds him too much of how his own brother had once been, and he'd... he'd promised he wouldn't let anyone hurt his family anymore

he ends up taking her to the port with some of his advisors to welcome some royal guests, insisting that she would learn better from experience rather than books - but the guest delegation gets so boring that he sneaks her out of the meeting n they end up in the streets

now athy has no idea where they are, but apparently her uncle does?? ana has his hand on her head as he navigates the streets of the capitol as if he comes here everyday, using magic to casually disguise the two of them

in the meantime?

felix is at the port trying to cover for them smfh, he makes up this huge story about how the great wise emperor wanted to familiarize his heir with the locals, understand her subjects, yada yada

back at the palace prince claude is currently dragging a man by his collar and only upon jennette's insistence does he throw him in prison rather than literally kill him

(jettie visits him later in prison to give the guy a piece of her mind, after felix's visit he's sporting a few noticable bruises and the prisoner is practically unrecognizable once lucas visits)

back to athy + ana, they end up stuffing themselves with some super good street food as anastacius confesses that yes, he has definitely been sneaking out of the palace ever since he was a lil kid

athy almost mentions that she, lucas n jettie sneak out too but that might give him a heart attack, so

"it's so pretty, uncle cius," she says, gesturing towards the necklace he holds up. once he's paid for it, anastacius fists the necklace, opening it to reveal the jewel pendant - now imbued with his magic and replaced with gold lettering of the word athanasia

and she realises that yes, that's what both him and her dad have called her all her life, haven't they?

"you're my heir, athanasia," he uncle tells her with a small smile, "i am proud of that."

getting teary, she tells him, "i'm really proud of you too, uncle cius," triggering a very flustered + blushy anastacius

this mans craves validation - not from the sycophantic nobility, or the obsequious concubines he'd dismissed all those years ago, but from the family he thought he'd neither have nor deserve

and just the acknowledgement is so large for athy - he wants her as his heir, not because she's his niece, but bc he trusts her to look after his hard work after him??? - yeah she's totally bawling her eyes out

anastacius magics her a handkerchief but my mans magic isn't that strong?? lmao he's used up so much by now that the 'handkerchief' turns out to be some scratchy tissues

awkward amirite

nope! athy laughs at that, offering him a sip of her drink as she magics another straw and a proper handkerchief lmfaoo

n e ways so when they return, everyone's shocked to learn that the crown heir, princess athanasia will actually be joining the official circles as anastacius' temporary aid - he doesn't wanna entrust her to anyone but family, and decides that the best way to learn is by his side

(she's so confused bc lucas doesn't normally bat an eyelash when she wears the prettiest gowns, but he deadass can't look her in the eyes when she's in her aid uniform - it's more like a suit than it is a dress)

yes lucas women in suits >>>>>

everyone is STUNNED when at dinner, claude proposes they leave on vacation??

anastacius is just not having it?? like no, this is not my brother, and he throws a grape at claude to check if it's a clone or sum (¿¿how does that work??)

anyays so he ain't no felix, ana's aim is ass and it hits jettie instead

mans nearly gets on his knees to apologise

long story short everyone preps for vacation, but by some aCCiDeNt claude n athy end up at a different destination than jettie n ana, when she suggests returning to the palace to regroup, mans deadass sulks

"so you wouldn't like to spend this time with your father, despite barely visiting my office for weeks?"

o-oh

so at their return, the nobility starts pestering everyone that the princesses aren't independent enough, yada yada idc so to quell this annoyance, to the girls' joy, they get to move into emerald palace together, while claude and ana stay in the ruby and main palaces respectively

literally emerald palace becomes such a cool place to be in since it's the residence of the only decent people in this family, the brothers spend hours going through the requests of maids who want to be transferred

it's such a busy time because of athy joining the court and jettie starting her studies as well - naturally, since she isn't becoming empress, she'll be getting the duchy claude + athy were to be given in the beginning

speaking of futures, jettie's interest in plants and cooking has definitely branched out into herbs

claude notices her tending to a small garden during his visit to athy and even gives her a few tips (he had been studying medical since he was a kid, and picked it up again when athy was born and the empire stablised somewhat)

this soon becomes a routinely thing, and he actually starts reading up on some herbs and even orders a few for her prospering garden

after a month of her learning from books, claude proposes adding a medic as one of her teachers, and turns out his hunch was right?? she's excelling at medicine and they keep it between themselves for the time being

it doesn't last long though, bc they're on a hunting trip when ana injures his leg

and !! this girl istg, she gets to cleaning and wrapping the wound without blinking an eye, as if it's the most natural thing ever, and claude is just smirking while athy and anastacius and literally everyone else: 🌟💞✨jettie✨💞🌟

literal tears coming out of anastacius' eyes "how come my daughter is smarter than me😭💅"

claude: that's not a very high standard, brother

anastacius: ✨suddenly i'm an only child✨

behold, the people in charge of running an empire everyone 👏👏👏

even though jennette is claude's (unofficial) student and athy is her uncle's heir, they both ask their dads to the debutante

yes athy does dance with lucas, anastacius sent him an invitation even though he wasn't a noble (he's an active match maker 😌) and nobody dared question the emperor's special guest

at the end of the night, kiel gives jettie a letter from arlanta - it's an invitation to the academy during holidays, from a certain brunette

when she brings up the subject, felix lets out a squeak and literally everyone goes silent 😭😭

athy n kiel are just out here DARING him to spill them beans

but anastacius takes on look at his excited lil kid and decides that yups, she's going to get everything she wants

a/n: i literally don't know how many parts this should have lmaoo but y'all made it this far!! thanks for reading i hope you liked it<3

[dolokhoded]

me starting to actually write this even though it still very obviously has some plot wholes

that ralbert au where race commits war crimes

i think it's really cute

so pulitzer is the big bad guy here for i'm basic reasons

has created some,, weird ass dumb ass evil empire

destroyed a couple towns

caused some battles

divided the world

y'know. stuff like that.

starting off with some spicy unfinished plot 🤩 but lbh it doesn't really matter anyways we're all just here for ralbert

anyways, race and al's families? pretty big part of that.

they're both supposed to take over their fathers' jobs when they grow up

said jobs basically being,, in charge of,,, unleashing people to raid entire towns and burn them to the ground

they grew up side by side, have always been best friends, never seen without each other

but understandably when they started growing up and understanding what was going on around them it,,,,,,, troubled them

and they dealed with it Very Differently

albert did Not like it

he was angry, and he was sad that this was what he was supposed to become and he was already never close with his family so it wasn't really hard for him to decide he didn't want anything to do with them anymore

race,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, okay look

deep inside him race knew what was going on was,,, s o wrong

but race was also from a big tight family, it was so much easier for him to just,,,,,, shut all of that out and pretend he was just doing what was better for them

it was hard for him, it was his family

still you can understand how well it went for them when albert left and race refused to go with him

they were 17 at the time

people against pulitzer's whole thing were obviously not very,,,,,,,,, well appreciated?

the moment albert ran away he was art of the defiance. he was a traitor.

but he was also still dasilva's son and they wanted them on their side, so they wouldn't seriously hurt him

doesn't mean they stopped looking for him

he shared an apartment with romeo and finch for a while, it was in a pretty lowkey neighborhood and they covered for him

and through them he met the rest of the newsies :) who actively helped in trying to help people who's homes were destroyed by pulitzer

there were people actively fighting him too but the newsies were mostly in charge of that

well, until albert and his non-existent impulse control arrived anyways

cause look,,,,, race was being trained for a reason, and eventually he took over

so when you see this ur ex-best friend who you're in love with but have a lot of repressed feelings for, both good and bad, that you decide to dump in the 'im angry' pile and just pretend you hate him and no longer care about him,,,,, fighting occurs

and there was a bit of controversy about albert joining them because "it's the dasilva boy romeo he was specifically trained to kick our asses" but that slowly turns into "yea ok he's very legit but for the love of god someone s t o p him the next time he tries to kiLL SOMEONE-"

that's a hyperbole, of course. even as rivals, albert wouldn't kill race. he barely even hurts him.

if anything, he even kind of looks out for him

he knows he's not supposed to but somehow he still can't bring himself to let race get hurt

besides let's be honest, most of their encounters are just an excuse to bitch at each other, they'd never do anything they know would seriously hurt the other

they know each other pretty well, they grew up together, they know each other's strengths and weaknesses

which is a pretty big advantage for them, honestly

enter,,,, albert dasilva's galaxy brain and the newsies' favorite game

Is Albert A Strategic Genius Or Is He Just In Love With Race

"no i've got this i know race!! i can use that against him!!!! i can guess his every move!!!! that's how well i know him!!!! i can recognize him in a room of like a billion people!!!!! it's my ultra strategic mind!!!! i can tell the sound of his voice from miles away!!!! it's because im so invested!!!!"

specs is like "in the mission or in race"

and albert is like "WHATEVER ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT IT'S MY STRATEGIC MIND"

"I AM A MACHINE SPECS"

"you're chronically dumb"

"S T R A T E G I C M I N D."

albert really came in like well race's plan's gonna be ruined cause IM IN LOVE WITH HIM >:) what a fuckin loser

all this aside,,,,,,, albert never stops trying to get race on their side .

now RACETRACK,,,,,,,,,

we have a WHOLE LOT of being an asshole as a defense mechanism from this boy

in race's eyes, albert abandoned him

in race's eyes, he was given up on. he just wasn't enough to keep him there.

he can't see anything but that and never in a million years would he bring himself to believe albert still cares about him

he'd be getting his hopes too high and letting down his guard, and he can't afford to do that.

race doesn't notice albert trying to help him, he doesn't notice albert very carefully avoiding injuring him, he doesn't notice how albert will never say anything that would hurt him

albert's always protective of race, regardless of if he's beside or against him

which leads us to how once race eventually does get hurt, seriously hurt, literally no one bats an eye when albert returns with race unconscious, demanding they get him help

which they do, cause albert has not shut up about race for like one second, the newsies might as well know as much about him as albert did

naturally when race woke up he,,, had questions

and then he saw albert

he was sat on a chair next to him, sleeping

and this is the first time he's seen him like this in ages

and he gets a little chocked up because holy shit he almost forgot albert was,,,,,like,,, a person

and it wasn't necessary to only see him when fighting

he still had a life and friends and people he loved and he wasn't just this dude who left them because he didn't give a shit about anyone

he could genuinely care for people and he could love people and race just remembered how much he wished he could be one of those people

and how much he wished he could be albert's favorite person again and just sit and talk and laugh with him like they used to

cause that's a part of albert he'd forced himself to just forget about

and then al wakes up and he sees him looking up at him and he's like

"how're you feeling"

and then he's sad cause it's much harder to know albert is a good person with real feelings and he's capable of loving so much and race thinks he's just one of the people who will never get that side of him and he just

"fuck off"

they fight

because of course they do

they're not really sure on what terms they are at this point, and there's so much they need to get out there

at first race is just,,,, stubborn

he won't listen, he demands they let him go back

"we can just let you go, idiot, i shouldn't have ever brought you here in the first place!"

"then why did you?"

and al just shrugs it away as if he hasn't been in love with him for years and would never forgive himself if he left him there to bleed

they just go yelling at each other back and forth for a while until inevitably albert's non-existent impulse control makes his return

and he,,,,, very angrily tells him he loves him

and everything just stops cause that's the one thing race though he'd never hear him say again

and race is literally holding his breath cause he's scared he'll ruin it if he moves in the slightest and it'll all turn out to be in his head but it's not cause when he tells albert he loves him back he's still there and he just,,

takes race's face in his hands and kisses him so softly it's like they weren't just screaming at each other's faces

romeo just fuckin pokes his head in like "i heard yelling but i also heard i love you so i'll assume some of those unresolved feelings were let out and we're all ready to have a nice long healthy chat, yeah? :D"

so they do

they talk. for,,,,,,,,, a long time.

needless to say, race stays

he loves his family and maybe he'll be back for them, maybe he'll help them but he recognizes what's the priority here

plus it's a little clearer now that he doesn't have all those feelings to worry about, and it's been a while since he was actually accepted and loved, which the newsies did instantly. it's pretty obvious where he belongs now.

this au still has,,,,, SO much to unpack, holy shit, but i decided to leave this post here cause,,,,, i can't do all of that now. i might at some point though, if people actually are interested, there's a lot of hurt/comfort from this point. there's the nightmares part which is v soft and i adore it, THERE'S JUST A LOT TO UNPACK. so yeah, i'm finally posting this, ralbert stans, come get y'all's juice.

[escapewriter]

part 36 - the festival

REDAMANCY

pairing : dancer!??? x art student!reader

word count : 1.2k

a/n : my wifi got cut out so i had to type this in my notes so i apologize if there are any typos

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You and Jeonghan sat by a bench at the festival. It seemed like more of a carnival than a fundraiser festival thing due to all the game booths and rides. You leaned on Jeonghan's shoulder, taking a deep breath to mentally prepare yourself for what you’re about to do later.

“I know you don’t want me to ask about it, but can you tell me how you’re going to do it?” You felt him tense up a bit before relaxing as he saw you nod your head.

“It’s nothing special in my opinion. After the performance I'm just gonna talk to the both of them.” You heard Jeonghan hum, listening to what you were saying as he watched people pass by or win stuffed animals from some games.

“Piece of advice, YN. don’t do what Nari did.”

“No shit, I'm not using them.”

“No no, I meant like don't confess to one and let the other walk away sad, because this time around, no one is gonna be there to say ‘if it makes you feel better’ ya know?”

“Well Wonwoo could.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

~

You and Jeonghan sat at the top of the bleachers in hopes of getting away from the growing crowd.

“Han, we won't be able to see them.”

“No we won’t but they will, I told them where we’re sitting.”

You opened your mouth in a silent ‘ah’ before scanning the people around. Your nerves began to build up a bit as you hate being in a crowded area.

Jeonghan saw you begin to panic, so he rested his hand on top of yours, rubbing the back of it to calm you down. It helped a bit, but not enough so you tried to start a conversation, “Where are your friends?”

“What do you mean my friends? You and the gang is what I got.”

You laughed softly, but heart feeling warm hearing him say that, “No I meant the other two. Joshua and Seungcheol.”

“Ohh, uhh, you sure you wanna know where they are?”

“Honestly, I don't really care because I’m just trying to calm myself down.” He giggled a bit and intertwined your hands together, knowing well you hated this stuff but only let him do it.

“Okay well, Joshua is mentally preparing Minghao and Seungcheol is mentally preparing Jun. BUT IT'S OKAY, because they will be okay with any decision you make.” Jeonghan forced a smile to make you feel reassured to which you smiled back softly for his efforts.

“Okay enough about that, let's just wait until the show starts.”

~

“How many god damn people are performing?”

You laughed at Jeonghan’s impatience, “Relax, there’s only been 3 performances. One being a little skit from the theater club.”

“Yeah but I didn't need to see them reenact something that I've seen on Victorious. The abc play is so rehearsed, yall aren’t special.”

Rolling your eyes, you watched the stage crew remove the decorations and add in new props. The sun was setting by now so when the lights dimmed for the next performance, you could see the stage much better. Except you didn’t want to see the stage better the second you heard the booming voice of your best friend and the words ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, they call us Boo-Seok-Soon!’

You heard Jeonghan gasp and laugh when you saw their faces on the screen, your hand immediately coming up to cover your mouth in shock.

~

“Did you know Seungkwan could perform like that, YN?”

You scoffed, “I barely pay attention to his art skills, let alone to how he performs, but this was technically his first time performing, so I’d give him a solid 10 out of 10.”

“It was the voice crack wasn’t it?”

“He would’ve gotten an 8 if it wasn’t for that one thing.”

It was dark out by now, the sun was gone and the air was colder than before. You shivered, scooting closer towards Jeonghan to try and gain some of his body heat. “When do you think they’re gonna perform?”

“Probably right now,” on cue, the lights dimmed. Patiently waiting, yet having that tense feeling in your muscles, a soft beat began to play as you watched the performance of the dance team, your eyes watching every move of all the dancers.

��Damn, Chan and Vernon are really good.” You smiled and nodded your head in agreement, “I could never do that- holy shit did Minghao just- what the fuck was that?”

“He’s good at martial arts, same with Jun so I’m not surprised that at least one of them did something.” You saw Nari at the back, her eyes looking uninterested but still putting effort into it. “I have to admit, Nari is good.”

“A squirrel could dance better than that bitch YN, don’t give her any credit.”

“I don’t understand how you’re more salty than I am.”

~

“Seungkwan! That was a good performance!”

You and Jeonghan approached the said man backstage, handing him a bottle of water and giving him a side hug. “Thank’s Jeonghan. I’m really happy you both are here and so is Chan and Vernon.”

“Yeah, you guys are ridiculously good.” You saw Chan and Vernon appear from the corner of your eye and gave them a hug, handing them water bottles as well.

“So that means, you and Jeonghan regret not coming to our past shows?”

“No, I liked hanging out with YN more.” You laughed softly, but got distracted after making eye contact with the two men that you were planning to talk to.

Thinking that now was the best time, you excused yourself and followed the two into a room. You knocked softly, the door opening quickly and seeing Minghao there. He gave you a smile and stepped to the side so you have space to walk in. You saw Jun sitting on the couch as Minghao took his place next to him.

You sat in a chair across from them and took a deep breath.

“Hi.” They smiled, not responding and gave you time to gather your thoughts. You were so thankful towards both of them, you don’t know how you could do this.

“I’m sorry I took, uh, so long. I just needed time to think and to make sure that I was making the right choice.” You looked up and saw the two of them staring at you, both silently encouraging you to continue, “Thank you for being patient with me. I know I haven’t been fair when I just disappeared like that. But, just- thank you both.”

Your eyes didn’t know where to look. You didn’t want one of them to feel left out so you kept switching, and you also didn’t want to be the only one talking. “One of you, please. Please just say something.”

They took a look at each other before Jun sat up straight, inhaling, “YN, all we both want is for you to make a choice that will make you happy. Minghao and I, we learned that it’s not about competition and that we have to go through a heartbreak in order to move on or find the person that we’re meant to be with.” He looked at Minghao, signaling for him to continue.

“Yeah, all we want is for you to be happy. And with any decision you make here, we will be supportive of you or the other person.” They gave you a reassuring smile in which you returned.

“Okay. Well then, here goes nothing.”

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[kileyrose-2003]

Tina’s Tuesday Night Mini Fic Pt. 1

Word count: Who cares? Lol

A/N: Hi lovelies! I am back!! First thing, I know. You're probably saying Kiley, wtf? It's not Tuesday. I know. Life happened. I've had a busy past few days and a final today. Anyways, this was something I did with @merci-bitch when the U.S originally went on lockdown. It was a fun way to keep me busy and get my mind off of stuff. We both decided to restart this about a week ago. So, I dedicate this to my dear friend Tina. Love you hun and hope you enjoy this! And please, if you haven't been to her blog to read any of her work, go do so. She works so hard on what she writes and is amazing.

Pt. 2 will be coming next week

To everyone waiting on fics: I'll get there. Eventually. And I'm not going into reasoning. But anyways, love you all and I hope you have a great day!

"...This is the greatest show!" You slammed your hands down on the piano keys and breathed in sharply. "God damn it, Jenny!"

"What?" You let a groan and handed her the sheet music. "Look there at that line there. Do you see that note?”

“I can see, can’t I?” Her bright green eyes lost their cool shade of arrogance when she seen how pissed you look. "Not F!” You pointed to the paper in her hand. “D! You hear that note there?" You pressed down on the key repeatedly. "D!"

"Sorry." The red head smiled at you impishly. "No, you're not. This is the fifth time we've done this and yet you still insist on doing this your own way." She sat next to you on the piano bench and gave your shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “Well, I think the change makes it sound better.”

“Phineas liked it better this way,” you seethed through gritted teeth. “But what does he know of art?” You could feel your face slowing turning a distinct shade of cherry red and you bit down on your tongue.

"He must of known something with how much you tried to get in his pants," you mused to yourself.

You rolled your eyes. You loved Jenny to death but how you couldn't stand her at times. You tried and tried so desperately to get along with her and compromise when she was like this but no matter what you did, she was stubborn and so..cold at times.

Sure, Jenny was a bit of a snob but she was a genius when it came to music and you respected that. She was what inspired you to take up music in the first place.

Your childhood was far from easy. Before you even joined the circus, you were bounced all over the place. You never belonged anywhere. From the deteriorating cottage in a small, seaside village in Sweden to the cramped one bedroom apartment in London that no one would dare walk past at night. Your father was no where to be seen and your mother was an actress, always struggling to meet ends meet. She was never home, but that wasn't always a bad thing. That meant you got to explore.

That was how you got to hearJenny sing for the first time. Hiding out in the musty attic of an old Swedish theatre. Even before she hit extreme levels of fame, her voice was like a siren's call. Drawing you in further and further in. It still was in a way. She was so beautiful and even as much as she pissed you off, you loved watching her sing. Like the time at the palace. She was eye candy in that dress, the way it hugged her hips and how the bust showed the slightest bit of clevage when you looked at her at just the right angle-

"Stop it, Y/n!" You told yourself. "She's not interested in you."

Or was she? The way she looked at you when you spoke to Phineas was always with such contempt or such jealousy. You could never understand why though. It was her who tried to steal Phineas away. Not you. He was a close friend who gave you a chance when you had nothing and you never so much as even thought of eyeing him in such a manner. Phineas clearly wasn't interested in her or any other woman but his wife. He pushed her away numerous times. Jenny had no reason to be jealous of you. Yet, she was.

‘But it is of me or others though?"

One could never be sure with Jenny. Sure, there was a bit of a rivalry between the two of you when it came to music. But she was your friend. 'Very clingy for just a friend,' you noted.

'That's normal though, isn't it?'

Maybe you were just over thinking things. Besides, the relationship between the two of you seemed to be getting better lately. Ever since the scandal went public, it seemed the two of you were spending more and more time together.

You were the only one who listened to her side of the story, held her when she cried, made sure she wasn't drinking her emotions away, and tried to help her through it. Even as much as she pissed you off. You warned her in the first place not to seek out Phineas but despite the nasty arguments, the constant bickering she became your friend. Maybe even your best friend. Which you got alot of shit for.

Nobody liked Jenny and you were starting to get the feeling you weren't so popular anymore either. Everyone thought after the affair went public, the two of you would of left. Her name as well as yours, was slandered all over the paper simply because you associated with her. You had been called it all. The ring leader, the mastermind, the mistress to the two.

But neither of you resigned. Yet. Part of you wondered how long it would be until either would receive letters of negotiations to end your contract. But either way, you knew Jenny wasn't leaving without you. She promised you that.

'So maybe she does like me.'

Then that small voice came in the back of your head. 'Or maybe you just want her to like you back.'

Either way, you couldn't let that haunt your conscience for now. Even as much as you'd like to visualize a future with her, it wouldn't work. You could feel the heat pooling into your cheeks as you came back to reality and bit down on your lip. Jenny's hand was lingering up and down your back, rhythmically making shapes with the tips of her fingers. Damn her and her touch! You shouldn't be feeling this way.

"Are you okay?" You shook your head and covered your face with your hands, trying not focus on all the pain you felt inside. "No. No, I’m not."

You felt tears burning in the sides of your eyes. "This isn’t working!” Jenny furrowed her brow and tried to move your hands away from your face. “What do you mean?” She was trying to be gentle even though you could tell from the look in her eyes she had no clue what to do.

“This..all of this!” You ripped the sheet music out of her hand and flung it on top of the piano. “Something's got to give,"

She rolled her eyes as if she seen it all before and stood up, walking hastily over to the ice bucket. "Do you not have what you want?" She opened up a bottle of red wine. "Fame? Recogniton?"

"It's not enough and I don't know if I even have any of that anymore." Jenny eyed you as she poured the liquor heavily into both glasses. "I'm not liked here, Jenny."

She handed you your glass and sat down next to you. You eagerly took a sip of the wine, just wanting to forget everything for a little while. "That's not true. I like you." She leaned in closer to you.

You cracked a small grin filled with cynicism. Maybe even a little bit of hostility. Never had you felt so much love and hate towards someone at the same time. "We could both leave." Jenny's voice pulled you out of your head.

"And go where?"

"Back to Sweden with me for the time being." You noticed the intensity in Jenny's eyes growing and she reached out and grabbed your hand. You could feel her nimble gently squeezing into the palm of your hand. "You know I care for you, Y/n."

"Do you?" You tried your hardest not to sound sarcastic, you were still a little mad at her. But god! How close she was to you. You could smell her expensive perfume, see the slight hint of a shimmer radiating off of her lips. "You're fiery and you don't take my shit."

This couldn't be real. You had to be dreaming. "Jenny, this...there's a possibility this couldn't work." You tried to scoot away from her, a little intimidated by the proximity between the two of you.

"We can try to make it work."

"How?" You eyed her skeptically. "Let me take you out. Let me show you I can make this work." You furrowed your eyebrows. "Why? Need a new fling after Phineas?" You teased.

Jenny wasn't amused by that all. If anything she was pissed but she smiled anyways. Seeming to stoop down to your level with a smile that was sickly sweet. "More like a date."

"And why should I do this with you?" She let go of your hand and placed it on your thigh. "Because I probably understand you alot more than you think." As you looked into Jenny's eyes, you found some level of sincerity mixed into those deep lustful orbs. You wanted to trust her so badly.

"What do I have to lose?" You thought.

Everything. Everything to lose.

"Fine." You gave in, despise everything in your mind screaming not too. "But you have one shot and one shot only."

Jenny nodded and leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on your cheek. "And it won't take me more than once to impress. After all, I already made your career." You felt the hair on your arms stand straight up as her hands lingered on you, gently squeezing your hips.

"I'll see you tomorrow at 6. Sharp."

"Yeah," you watched as Jenny walked away, her hair flowing behind her like a beautiful sheath.

You felt a pit growing in the depths of your stomach. What the hell had you gotten yourself into?

[with-the-same-tattoos]

#9, #55, #58

9. Describe your perfect mate

Ahstjd i really have a hard time saying what that would be, to be honest. I like a lot of really different people. Quiet & noisy, soft n harsh, all that. I think I just, I put a lot of weight into a connection. I do like to feel seen & heard. Or I like to b completely ignored... kinda both.... i just like a lot of different ppl aksjskedj.

I mean my DREAM dream partner would be a 20s fat stone cold gruff butch lady but yk. Im not a cute flapper in the 20s!!!!!!! Im not good enough for those gorgeous babbes !!!

55. Share a relationship story.

Uhh!!! Dunno the only relationship I've been in is kinda hazy to me already bc my memory is shit. It was ldr since they lived in usa, so I kinda have a habit of belittling it but I think that's a little disrespectful of me. Ummmmmhjkshh. What was cute was when we used to call and they would go through their old art notebooks and show me projects, read out loud stuff, and I could just chill & listen, it was Awesome.

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

Just be nice, really. Like kind to people. I guess exess sarcasm / pessimism (directed at other people, I get insecurity) kinda is a turnoff to me. I don't like the type of people who roll their eyes and "cringe".

Just be a lil chill yk :( i get overwhelmed somewhat easily.... then again, intensity & passion is Kinda hot as hell. So it's. Actually. I don't know.

I literally don't kno alskskskd. The times I've crushed on people they have just existed as themselves and been so beautiful and wonderful and real and full of life and I just. You know.

Yeah the thing is that only one person has ever kinda vaguely pursued a relationship w me so thats. I don't know???? I don't have experience w what works n what not.

OH. RIGHT. LIKE MY DOG. LIKE MY DOG. BE NICE TO MY PARENTS AND SISTER. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, BE A MASSIVE FAN OF MY DOG BC I AM AND IF U ARE NOT IT WILL NOT WORK OUT.