#but i'm wheezing; what even caused that
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patchedzero · 2 months ago
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.i think hellsite is not ready for my comeback. ( tech "gore" under the cut )
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badboysupr · 6 months ago
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“ i’m not sure i should leave you alone. ” 👊🏽
@kindofuneven || meme
The laugh he expels is probably too high-pitched. More of a puh! that sounds extremely prepubescent and therefore extremely cool as he doesn't even attempt to hide the grin spreading across his cheeks. Leo, for a few lingering seconds, doesn't even look at the poor little Roman boy, but when he does . . . it's with a very unrushed, very languid cock of his head over his shoulder.
And a pathetic look that screams, Oh, buddy . . . Buddy, please. That's so cute.
“Why, did the other guys warn you or something?” he ventures, and quickly deepens his voice into something authoritative as he mimes, “'Keep an eye on that one, Scotty!' 'Ooh, that one might blow up a thing or two, Scotty!' I mean—!” The hand he flourishes nearly drops his wrench, but he tightens his fingers around it and instead uses the tool as a good gesturing stick. “They're not wrong. I'm pretty good at that, but I'm also equally good at actually . . . creating things—? And yet people always seem to forget.”
Tsk tsk . . . So much unrecognized talent.
Eventually, he turns all the way around, shoves his welding goggles up to the crown of his head to get a better look at his company. Man, why is he so strung up all the time . . . ? “Hey, dude . . . It's good, okay? I'm not about to cause any problems, so you can just . . . chill. What do moms say—?” Leo taps his wrench to his lips. “Your face is gonna get stuck like that . . . ? Something something, blah blah blah. I'd hate to see that happen to you, so.”
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I'm literally trying to have a mental breakdown over my dog you can't make me laugh over the live action mha cast announcement
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highlifeboat · 2 years ago
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No thoughts only under appreciated OC Elizabeta
#actually i do have one thoght but it's not about them but i'mma ramble in the tags anyway#so i was thinking about max and his love of arachnids/spiders#and like#he probably wouldn't be able to make daniela un-afraid of them#BUT i think he could convince her that they really aren't a huge threat and that they don't have to be killed and she could probably#even hold one and it wouldn't do anything since 90% of the time she's in human form anyway#but also him being like ''I really like arachnids I think they're cute and amazing and they're so interesting let me go on a big info#info dump and tell you all about them" and just seeing him really passionate about something makes dani's heart melt#because max never does this stuff#he never rambles or goes off on huge passiionate tangents like that#it's usually HER rabling to HIM#and he's so genuinely happy while he talks about them and it's like#She's just never really seem him like that and even if spiders are a big part of it that doesn't matter#because ''holy shit he's smiling and he's talking so much and by miranda he's fucking cute''#anyway i forget what my point was but yeah i think max should ramble to daniela about arachnids cause no one else'll listen to him anyway#this tag rant would have been way more suited under a daximus post but i didn't have any art and if i didn't write it now i was gonna#gonna forget *wheeze*#if anyone takes the time to read my sleep deprived rambles about maximus n spooders thanks lmao i'm going to be now#my art#oc elizabeta#oc max#daximus#tag ramble#re 8 oc
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🔥unpopular charles opinion
The thing is, it’s not an opinion, really. The question isn’t meant to be a complaint or a rebuttal or anything. I just genuinely don’t get it! The question goes something like this.
So Charles/Klinger seems to be the one actively disliked ship in the fandom, discounting the h*nn*hawk vs p*erc*ntyre gang war and that one rabidly anti-hawnk person (lol). Most nobody has any love for the ship, because it’s stupid and OOC, of course, but mostly because it’s egregiously obviously racist and gross, which is the critique that seems most common, and to be of most importance to people.
And to be clear, for the purposes of this post I am wholly agreeing with all that! It’s distasteful and immoral and people who are into it are insane, including me. I’m not arguing against this line of thinking, I just wanted to look at its inner logic. Because when I first heard people saying this, I thought, “Yeah, makes sense, Charles is truthfully a terrible person with abhorrent opinions. Nobody watching this already unfortunately bigotry-riddled show is obligated to try and look past that! It is Always valid to hate Charles’ guts.”
But it turns out most of the fandom (I assume it must be most, given how shockingly few people here have blocked me) actually don’t hate Charles, in general. It’s the specific ship, not the character, that’s distasteful. (Not to say any Charles ship is anything resembling popular, but like with most ships, that’s just a result of the general population’s Hawkeye BJ Laser Focus Gaze. I’ve never seen anybody actively dislike these ships when they’re brought up.) And the more I think about it, the more I wonder why, because well. to put it bluntly. It’s not like someone stops being racist when they’re not actively interacting with a nonwhite person.
You know what I mean? I feel like Charles’ bigotry would be a turn off for all of our generally morally sound protagonists, not just one who happens to be personally affected by it. But it only becomes an issue when it involves Klinger. I’ve heard people say that any Charles/Klinger ship fic would obviously have to go out of its way to address Charles’ racism, but I’ve read a few Charles/Hawkeye and Charles/Donna (and Charles / other strange and varied choices too, because of course I have) fics–really, REALLY good fics, that captured the characters very nicely and are very beautifully written–and I’ve yet to find one that discusses The Bigotry In The Room with any degree of seriousness.
(Pssst this is everyone’s chance to absolutely dunk on me by sending me fics that do this if there actually are a bunch and I’ve just never read them because I would in fact LOVE to read some fics with that topic regardless of ship!)
And to be clear, that’s fine with me! I truly do not care. When I read Charles running away to Maine or romancing Ms. Parker and I don’t see his love interests stop to ask “Hey, um, so any updates on the fact that you and your whole family are eugenicists?”, it doesn’t bother me in the slightest, because I just assume that Charles has already gone through the cult deprogramming step of his character development at some point prior to this, and either the love interest in question has already confirmed this off-page, or they are making the same assumption I am. After all, at least in Hawkeye’s case, the mere act of admitting romantic interest in a Democrat from the back of beyond would necessarily imply a shift in values, right?
(Admittedly, for all we canonically know Donna could be a fashy scumlord herself, so this reasoning doesn’t wholly apply there, but it obviously does to her fanon background/personality.) (Which is adorable, by the way. Everyone go check out the collective oeuvre of AO3 user onekisstotakewithme.)
So that’s all cool! It’s just that the same thing applies for me when it comes to Charles/Klinger. If anything, it applies even more, because you can have a fic where Charles’ whole family attend his and Donna’s 2nd wedding (Everyone go check out the collective oeuvre of AO3 user onekisstotakewithme!!!) but if Charles gets with Maxwell in any capacity, his father is at the very LEAST never going to speak to him again, ever. And personally I think that is SO fun and sexy, because Charles’ father is a white supremacist and I want him to die painfully forever and ever amen. <3
I got sidetracked a few times here and I just realized I never actually asked the question, which is, TL;DR: If it’s immoral–or at least gross and nonsensical–to ship Charles/Klinger, because Charles is bigoted, shouldn’t the same also apply to shipping Charles with many other characters too, given that they should logically also have a problem with his bigotry?
For what it’s worth, I have a bit of a theory about the answer to this, all to do with the incompetent way Charles’ bigotry (and other characters’ reactions to it) are portrayed in canon and the deeper Doylist factors that I think forced the showrunners into writing it like that, but I wanted to stay strictly on the topic of fandom attitudes for now, because it may be niche and silly, but I find it interesting. And I’d love to hear other people’s thoughts on it!
#Did this sound rude? Was I totally incoherent? Is everyone mad at me now? All these questions & more swirling around in my brain right now#It seems like such an obvious thing I feel stupid even bringing it up because there must just be some huge thing I'm missing#but I can't figure out what it is!#There was so much more I wanted to bring up here as I said but I had to Stop haha#like sometime I also want to do a post on how most people seem to envision Charles fitting back into his family and his old life very well#and I always picture the exact opposite! Not just from a ''what I would want to have happen'' POV but also just#what I think would complete his arc in a satisfying way and build on the things that happened to him in canon#not saying he's gong to go home and become a commie immediately (ah! if only!) and I think he WOULD try DESPERATELY#to have everything be exactly the same. but I just don't think it would work!#like Margaret and unlike BJ or Hawkeye his pre-war life was not built on healthy sustainable or even ethical foundations#and that life is going to collapse in on him!#but ghdsjkgdsj STOP I will make a separate post later. enough controversy for today I'm sleepy#(but I also do SOOO want to make a post examining the insane inconsistencies in how the protags treat Charles and his bigotry cause it's#SIMPLY RIDIC#)#Hawkeye when he wants to have a little bonding moment with Charles:#I can excuse racism but I draw the line at failing to flirt with a 6'4'' millionaire. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!#and the thing is Maxwell also does this. but of course THAT isn't ok. wheezing.#Charles: god I fucking HATE [checks the list of protected minorities to find an ethnic group that's not on there] uhhh MEDITERRANEANS#Max who is used to long odds and is already mentally rehearsing his teary ''But officer! My husband was in that house!'' speech:#haha yeah ok Major. I think we are soulmates btw :)#THIS POST IS A DISASTER. APOLOGIES TO EVERYONE AND HAVE A NICE DAY.#Charles Emerson Winchester III#MASH#Starky loves answering questions#marley-manson#CHARMAX#Starky's Original Posts
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cashmoneyyysstuff · 4 months ago
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katsuki is and forever will be a massive baby.
and it’s all your damn fault, so he says.
you hadn’t even said anything bad. all you'd said was that he looked even more handsome today then he usually did. and he'd looked at you like you grew an extra head, and now he's like this.
you don't even really know what did it, but then again it could've been anything with katsuki. too much eye contact, too long eye contact. your hands lingering a little too long on his face or your fingers rubbing at the crease of his eyebrows.
you don't know what it is but he won't remove his head from your neck now, grumbling about how stupid you are.
"katsukii.."
"shut up." he hisses through gritted teeth like he's angry, and he is. look at what you do to him ! it drives him crazy. you drive him crazy.
yet you giggle, rubbing softly at his hair and he shoves his head into you harder, the angle he's forcing your neck at is awkward but you don't mind, you'll let him have his little tantrum as you stroke his blonde messy tufts of hair tickling your chin.
"all i said was that-"
"i heard you. the first time. shut the fuck up." his grip on your hips tightens to the point you think he'll make indents in your skin. hands practically steaming and boiling hot to show you the embarrassment he refuses to let show on his face. your smirk grows wider, god you love messing with your boyfriend.
"i don't get why you're so angry, baby." you coo sweetly and he growls from the deepest part of his throat. he squeezes at your waist, clearly wanting you to just stop talking. but of course. you don't.
"it's cus you—you fuckin'—" he splutters and cuts himself off, not finding a proper way to convey how much you make his skin burn and prickle and itch. how you have his heart buzz and beat so loud against his ribcage he's sure you can hear it. and how much he fucking hates it. (he doesn't)
so he does the next best thing.
"ouch !"
he bites you. the asshole.
you're such an asshat !" you whine, pushing at his shoulders, and he grumbles when he pulls away. he lightly nuzzles against the mark he's left into your skin as a sort of apology, you don't deserve a kiss right now. (he'll give you one later) then he pulls away to look at you.
"s'your own fault," he huffs, cheeks less bright then they first were when you'd made the irreparable mistake of complimenting him (in his eyes, you regret nothing) but still with a nasty scowl on his face.
"ya keep sayin' dumb shit so now you deal with the consequences," he presses his nose against your pulse point as he huffs hard into your neck to annoy you and it works because you grumble, you feel him smirk proudly.
two could play that game.
"what dumb shit ? the fact that you're handso-" you cut yourself off with a giggled squeal as katsuki drops you backwards onto his bed with a snarl. you snort and giggle when he blows raspberries and softly bites into your neck, helplessly trying to push him away with your limp arms.
"you just can't help yourself, can ya.." he tuts, grabbing your arms and pushing them against his bed, barely suppressed smirk on his face as he sees your eyes prick with tears, leaning back in to blow into your neck "think you’re funny ? hah ?!"
he ignores your giggled plea's and bites at your fingers when he leans back enough for you to push at his face.
"yuck ! you're gross !" you wheeze, still giggling as you see the lopsided smile on his face. he huffs at the exertion of keeping you still, he really isn't trying hard to convince you he isn't handsome when he looked like that.
"yeah ? i'm gross, huh ? right back at you," he leans in close to you again, smirk still playing on his face "saying mushy shit like that."
"yeah well, i'll keep sayin' it !" you retort, sticking your tongue out at him. he rolls his eyes and drops onto you, causing you to grunt out an 'oof !' sound. he's stays quiet until he presses a soft kiss onto your skin, right where he'd bitten you. unbeknownst to you, his expression softens as he tries to repress a smile. he scoffs.
"you're so damn weird." he utters affectionately.
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seth-whumps · 6 months ago
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I MADE A WHUMP EVENT: get ready for July folks
welcome to the Whumperless Whump Event of July! for your sickfic, situational, and completely apersonal whump needs--comfort included, of course. follow @whumperless-whump-event for more information and details!
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Image transcripts, tagging rules, and guidelines under the cut!
RULES
Any and all art types allowed (GIFs, drawings, music, writing, etc.)
No AI generated content allowed
OCs and Fandom works alike are welcome :)
Trigger and content tags required, even if the prompt explicitly requires the content (eg. Vomiting still needs the emetophobia tag)
NSFT and NSFW are allowed, if tagged appropriately. This blog will not reblog them, as minors do follow it. However, you're still free to write as you please :)
If enough interest is shown, I will make an Ao3 collection (edit: ao3 collection is made and can be found here)
Side note: please let me know if there's anything I can do to make this post or event more accessible. Should I put the image transcripts on the ID too? Is the formatting causing issues? What can I do?
This is not a contest, just an event. The only awards will be announcements for people who completed the whole darn thing. My entries will not receive any announcements or awards, because I'm hosting
TAGGING
Tag with, per example: #whumperless whump event day 1; #whumperless whump event; and (optional) #whumperless whump event day 1: alcohol as a sanitizer
Tag @whumperless-whump-event please! If not, I may not see it or be able to reblog it!
If desired, tag the medium you used
Trigger tag and content warn (including nsfw/nsft)
If posting early, tag with #wwe early entry. If posting late, tag with #wwe late entry. If posting just for fun, no need to tag these!
IMPORTANT:
There are NO OTHER RULES. Do one prompt! Do seven! Do 'em all! Repeat the same prompt six days in a row! Switch them around and do them all out of order! Post them eight months after the event is over! Finish the prompt list early! Write one long-ass story that deals with every prompt or do a one-sentence drabble for each one! Recommend your favorite scenes regarding the prompt! Write, draw, sing, play music, make playlists, do fic recs or show recs or episode recs or book recs, fucking crochet or something! FOLLOW THE VIBE. DO WHAT'S FUN.
Prompts (text):
Emergency First Aid: Self-done stitches / Alcohol as sanitizer / “It's just a scratch, I've had worse.”
Does your insurance cover this?: Car accident / Bystander caretaker / “Eyes open, ambulance is almost here.”
Like a record, baby: Vertigo / Struggling to stand / “Is the room spinning, or is it just me?”
It's every day bro: Chronic pain / Massage / “I'm used to it.”
Stealing my breath (give it back): Wheezing / Light-headed / “I'll count, you just breathe.”
Summer is a curse: Heat Stroke / Panting / “Why don't we… find some shade, quick?”
Accidental Cryotherapy: Falling through a frozen lake / Hypothermia / “Hey, c'mon, you gotta stay awake.”
Put your head on my shoulder: Migraine / Light & Sound Sensitivity / “I can close the curtains…”
White and red handkerchief: Coughing up blood / Can't speak / “You just can't shake that cough, can you?”
Your work is never finished: Forced to work while ill / Workplace emergency / “...sit down, I'm calling HR.”
A minor annoyance: Stuffy nose / Hate to be sick / “I'm fine, I can work.”
It's going down (I'm yelling timber): Building collapse / Trapped under rubble / “I can't move my legs.”
It's just a pebble: Avalanche / Stuck in the mountains / “Well, this wasn't how I thought the hiking trip would go.”
Lay down your sword: Fighting back a cold / Cuddling / “Just let yourself be sick so you can get better.”
I'm going down (you're yelling timber): Passing out / Exhaustion / “I've got you, let's sit down, I've got you.”
Say goodbye to filters: Half-conscious / Delirious / “You would never say that in your right mind…”
In hot water: Dangerously high fever / Cool baths / “We have to get that number down somehow.”
I don't see it: Hallucinations / Fever dreams / “It's just a nightmare. You're safe.”
The whump morning after: Tending to injuries / Domestic hurt comfort / “Let's check the bandages, okay?”
It's not fun if you're panicking: Stuck in an elevator / Claustrophobia / “Get me out.”
Where's the exit: Lost / Stuck in the wilderness / “Surely someone will notice we're gone.”
Better out than in: Nervous Stomach / Vomiting / “I got your hair, it's fine.”
Well, that doesn't taste right: Accidentally poisoned / Allergic reaction / “My tongue feels like bees, is that normal?”
Be one with the fish: Drowning / Rescue Breaths / “Why did you think that was a good idea?!”
We didn't start the fire: Severe burns / Running into flames / “I know it hurts. Breathe.”
That's no barn spider: Venomous bite / Arachnophobia / “You'll be okay, we can help.”
What's your name again?: Concussion / Temporary Amnesia / “I don't remember what happened to me.”
Nothing behind the eyes: Fully unconscious / Force feeding / “It's just me, go back to sleep.”
Wrong place, wrong time: Robbery / One of many hostages / “Stay behind me, I can take a hit.”
I don't mean to get emotional: Fear / Breaking point / “I can't stop crying, I'm sorry--”
Only way out is through: Tunnel collapse / Accidental Journey / “We can't just sit here and wait.”
ALTERNATES:
Seizure
Choking
Withdrawal
Mugged
Wild animal attack
Hangover
Strain/sprain
Broken bone
Bloody nose
Panic attack
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bratzbrat · 16 days ago
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.・゜-: ✧ :-  𝐂𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐢𝐧𝐞...
𝐀 𝐊𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢 𝐁𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐠𝐨 ✘𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫.
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✘Pairing: TimeSkip! Katsuki Bakugo ✘fem!reader.
✘cw: slightly suggestive? (smooching) | female reader! | Playful banter!
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"Get out." he grumbled, stepping out of the shower, water still dripping from his hair. The towel was slung low around his hips, just enough for you to see the faint happy trail leading downward.
"What?" you blinked, your gaze locked on the sight of his muscular, freshly- showered form as he sauntered into your shared bedroom.
"You heard me." he growled, jerking his head toward the door, arms folding over his chest, muscles flexing as he glared at you through the wet strands hanging over his eyes.
"Um-why?" you questioned, closing your book and sitting up straighter, your eyes flicking between him and the door he so stubbornly pointed to. "You've never asked me to leave before.."
"I'm not asking," he deadpanned, his voice low and firm. "I'm telling you to." His arms remained crossed tightly, the tension in his body almost tangible.
You stared at him in disbelief, feeling a knot tighten in your stomach. Three years of marriage, and never once had he ordered you out like this. Anxiety gnawed at the edges of your thoughts. Had you done something wrong?
"Did I-"
"No, you didn't" he cut you off sharply, his expression softening just for a moment.
"Then why?" you pressed, your voice smaller now, sinking slightly into yourself.
He huffed, visibly irritated. " 'cause you can't seem to keep your damn hands off my ass lately..."
For a second, the room was dead silent— then you bursted out laughing. Here you were, stressing over nothing, only for him to come at you with this?
"The hell are you laughing at, woman?" he barked, dropping into a fighting stance, his eyes narrowing in mock anger.
"You!" you wheezed, clutching your sides as you struggled to speak between fits of laughter. "You're mad because- because I grabbed your ass?" Your words barely made it out before you were rolling on the bed, the absurdity of the situation overtaking you.
His frown deepened, but you saw a smirk wanting to crawl over his face as the corner of his lips twitched. "You're asking for it now." he warned, as he took a step closer.
Before you could get off the bed and reach the door, he lunged at you, tackling you onto the bed. His strong arms caged you in as he pinned you beneath him, his weight pressing down just enough to remind you of how easily he could overpower you, even in play.
Still laughing, you squirmed beneath him, unable to resist teasing him further. "Oh no, watch out!" you gasped dramatically, feigning helplessness. "What if I grabbed your ass again?"
He narrowed his eyes, leaning down until his face was inches from yours. "You. Wouldn't. Dare" he growled, and the hint of amusement in his eyes betrayed him.
"Oh, l just might" you whispered mischievously, fingers twitching like you were going to make move.
With a swift motion, he snatched your wrists and pinned them above your head, his breath hot against your cheek as he smirked down at you.
"Not if I have anything to say about it." He rasped, softly rubbing his nose against your cheekbone.
"Guess you're gonna have to keep me here then, huh?" Your laughter bubbled up again, but this time softer, a giddy warmth spreading through you as he hovered over you, bare bodied, as his playful dominance made your heart race.
"You're damn right I am," he muttered roughly, as he leaned down to slowly and sweetly trap your lips in a heated kiss.
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My brain isn't doing the thing it usually does so have this...
also read tough skinned now on wattpad!
©𝐵𝑙𝑢♡
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mammonsrockstargf · 2 months ago
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700 WIVES
contents: solomon x gn!reader, fluff, fluff, fluff, repost
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"Is it true that you had 700 wives?"
Solomon looks up from his book to where you're lying on his bed, homework in hand. He'd convinced you to take the class "Rhetoric 101: How to Win Any Argument with an Angel Using Biblical Quotes" because he thought it'd be fun to watch you try to spark up an argument with Simeon. It was a nice perk that you could study together.
It hadn't even occurred to him that he might get mentioned in the coursework. You read over the pages, your eyes brimming with amusement.
"What could you possibly need 700 wives for?" you ask, and he shrugs. "Mostly politics and gaining land," he says, but you don't seem entirely convinced, as the corners of your lips turn upward.
"Might I remind you that this was happening during a period of 80 years?" he says, attempting to somehow save his reputation, but you just raise your brows at him.
"That's still like nine wives per year, though. How on earth did you have time for that?"
You're beginning to laugh now, really laughing, the kind that makes Solomon’s heart pound slightly and he has to fight a smile.
"What, they'd get like a month and a half each before you were on to the next one," you continue, wiping the tears running down your cheeks.
"Actually, I never even met most of them," he says, hoping to help his cause, but it only causes you to laugh even harder.
Solomon huffs and pretends to read his book again, letting your laughter subside. You slowly calm down and pick up your book but once you read the next line of your homework, you're laughing again.
"You had 300 concubines? How is that even possible?" you cackle, and Solomon rolls his eyes.
"That was a rumour. I did not have that many," he says, but you're far gone, clutching your belly as you gasp for air.
"I'll have you know that having a pact with the Avatar of Lust gives you a very high libido–" he begins.
"Oh, trust me, I know," you wheeze. He's on you in a second, pushing you down on the bed, placing a hand on each side of your head. You giggle when he presses kisses to your face, to any surface he can reach, your cheeks, your forehead, your nose.
"Stop," kiss, "teasing," kiss, "me!" kiss, he whines, but you've only just begun.
"Oh, I'm sorry, my lord, it's just that I haven't seen you in three years; you've been so busy with all your wives–"
Solomon shuts you up with a kiss on the lips, and you bury your hands in his hair, leaning into it. Your lips move against each other languidly, as he savors every inch of you, before he pulls away. He lays down on top of you, using your chest as a pillow, refusing to move an inch.
"Sol, you're crushing me," you complain, and he grumbles. He presses a kiss to your collarbone and grabs your homework, throwing it into a corner of his room, before getting comfortable again, this time crushing you a little less. You run your fingers through his hair, humming softly.
You both know that it doesn't actually matter how many wives, concubines, or past lovers he's had. Sometimes Solomon thinks that it's all just been a buildup and that none of it actually mattered.
His real life didn't begin until he met you, and he's completely fine with that.
"Sooo, did you have a favourite? Or perhaps 30 favourites?"
"Oh, shut up."
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masterlist | divider by cafekitsune
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teencopandthesourwolf · 30 days ago
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read on ao3 HERE
.
He didn't mean to do it. He meant it, with every fucked-up fibre of his being he meant it, but he didn't mean to actually do it. 
Stiles had just—been so very fucking Stiles, in that stupid, irresponsible jump-head-first-into-the fray-on-everybody-else's-behalf kind of way that he has about him, and after the pack had neutralised the danger but everybody's veins still had more adrenaline than blood coursing though them, Derek felt—feels—so fucking livid, and so damn grateful, and so utterly, utterly muddled that he's grabbed Stiles by the shoulders and pulled the kid's body into his own, hard, crashing their torsos together like a devastating highway collision, arms enveloping Stiles's shoulders as a crushed car bonnet wraps itself around a tree. 
Now—here, at a clearing in the trees on what has been Hale land for generations going back centuries, with Stiles in his space, and his nostrils, and in his fucking head—Derek is terrified. 
There's a fairly stilted, “Whoa, okay, alright, we're doing this, huh, big guy?” but then Stiles is relaxing into the hug. He sort of melts, actually, snaking long and wiry yet surprisingly strong arms around Derek's waist; so very warm, and alive, alive, alive.
“Stiles, you shouldn't have—why do you always have to—you could've fucking died!” he admonishes, although it doesn't come out half as harshly as he means and wants it to. 
Lost, Derek shoves his nose into Stiles's neck, and breathes.
Stiles lets him, because of course he does, cocking his head to the side to accommodate Derek's needs.
“Must be a day that ends in Y, huh, Der?” he answers, ever the class clown.
Derek quietly growls his annoyance and relief in equal measure, and even though he senses the rest of the pack has now gathered around them, and hating that he has an audience for this, he squeezes Stiles into him impossibly more.
Stiles wheezes comically, then jokes more, because humour is his default in any situation. “Why don't you ease up a bit there, buddy? Kinda need this work of art that I call a body in one piece if I'm ever gonna save your wolfy-ass again, oh alpha, my alpha.”
Derek shuts him up with a slick lick to the jugular. The kid shivers beautifully, but even Derek's tongue doesn't keep him quiet for long. Only Stiles Stilinski could ramble incessantly with a werewolf at his throat. 
“Okay, shit, that—ahhhhhhh, that tickles, Fido! Do I need to get the collar and chain on y—oh my fucking god!”
Derek clamps his jaws around the most exquisite throat he's ever seen, smelled, dreamed about, and growls out a warning sound that causes the betas to back off and Stiles to go weak at the knees.
Mine, he thinks loudly.
After a few moments of Derek gnawing on Stiles's throat, once they're alone in the preserve, other than the nocturnal animals and eery sound of the wind picking up from the west, Derek releases his jaws' hold on the sheriff's boy—the boy who runs with wolves; little red riding hoodie; the best human Derek's ever known—and soothes the purpling mark with a lingering press of his lips.
“Oh!” is amazingly all Stiles has got—although Derek can satisfyingly smell Stiles's arousal, his wolf now howling inside of him at the delicious scent.
“Yeah, oh,” he answers, after trying his level best to calm the feral instinct he has to pull them both down into the undergrowth and mate the boy.
He finally pulls away from Stiles, but doesn't release him from his grip entirely. Fire-red irises find big, brown doe eyes, and a smirk that Derek wants to lick right off Stiles's face and replace with a look of pure ecstasy.
“Stop doing stupid things,” he demands.
Begs. 
“Yeah, no, probably never gonna—oomph!” 
Derek kisses Stiles, kisses him like it's the end of the fucking world because he's realised that every time Stiles puts his own life in danger, it feels like it might be.
Stiles doesn't hesitate this time, though. He kisses Derek right back like he gets it.
Now found, Derek takes, and he takes, and he takes.
Stiles kisses like nobody else in existence, Derek is sure of it; he is earth and wind, fire and water.
Fucking elemental. 
When he presumably needs to breathe, Stiles tears his lips away from Derek's—swollen and blood-red—and Derek can't help the whine that escapes his. Their foreheads bump as they both pant, attempting to settle as they shake with post-fight waning nerves and a feverish desire.
Stiles says, “How ‘bout if you keep doing that, I'll get myself a bigger bat?”
Derek both hates and loves the smile that spreads across his face like a rash, entirely of its own volition. 
“How about next time, you just wait for me?” 
“Deal,” Stiles grins and kisses Derek again, and Derek hopes it's the kind of deal that's forever.
.
for @greyhavenisback—love yew, love <3 (unedited, soz!)
.
now edited and on ao3 HERE
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wolken-himmel · 1 year ago
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In which Floyd's transformation potion wears off, causing him to be stuck in his eel-merman form in a large tank.
Now (Y/n) has to entertain him.
Request by anon.
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You had always admired the Mostro Lounge's interior design. Large tanks that lined the walls, some that connected to the vast ocean outside the building and allowed little fish and other creatures to pass through. You used to spend a lot of time watching all these adorable and innocent creatures swim past the glass facade. But now, all of them had been chased away by a vicious predator.
Floyd.
You exhaled and watched as he terrorised the last remaining guppies until they fled the tank. The large eel-merman was left alone in the tank, now bored out of his mind. There were no more little fish to torment. So he turned to you, who stood outside the tank and watched him swim around. He flashed his teeth at you, you poor little fish.
"Shrimpy!" he cried out once his head penetrated the surface of the tank. His arms were resting on the upper edge of the tank, the water from his skin dripping to the ground. He shot you a sly smile. "Come a little closer. I don't bite."
You wrapped your arms around yourself, making sure your blazer was still dry. Despite his pressing gaze, you didn't move a centimetre. "I don't wanna get wet. You splashed Azul when he gave you your lunch earlier."
Floyd let out a groan at your reply. "Shrimpy, don't be such a guppy!"
His words caused you to quirk an eyebrow. "I'm not a guppy. I have good reasons not to trust you," you said, a tad bit of playfulness lingering in your voice. You chortled softly, knowing better than to come closer to him.
"What?! I'm as innocent as those little spikeballs from the Heartslabyul garden, the ones you like to cuddle! I deserve appreciation too, don't I?" the merman whined, as if your words had offended him. He pulled his arms away from the ledge of the tank and sank to the bottom of the tank, so he could face you properly. His long tail curled around the floor as he glared at you, the glass wall being the only thing separating you two.
You shrugged softly. "Who says you won't pull me into that tank if I get closer."
"I would never. I swear on Jade."
His words drew loud laughter from your lips. You almost doubled over from how intense the wheezes were that shook your body. "You'd swear on your own brother?" you asked and held your stomach in pain. As your laughter faded out into chuckles, you gazed around the empty Mostro Lounge. "I hope he didn't hear that..."
Floyd chuckled along, but his laughter quickly turned into grumbles of annoyance again. "Come on, Shrimpy. I'm bored!" he complained again and swam circles in his tank. It was large enough to allow for vast movement, but it was empty of any entertainment. "I wanna walk again, poke your side and annoy you."
You chuckled and crossed your arms. "Yeah, you're a real menace. Maybe it's good you're stuck in that tank for a few hours," you teased him. Unable to help yourself, you stuck your tongue out at him.
Floyd clutched his chest dramatically and sank to the bottom of the tank, where he remained motionlessly. "Shrimpy, you're so mean to me..."
Laughter spilled from your lips, and you couldn't help but tap your finger nail against the glass wall. "Stop it, Floyd. You're so dramatic."
"You're breaking my heart..." the eel-merman whined before regaining life again. At the speed of light, he shot up from the ground of the tank and zoomed off into a dark corner.
You brought your face closer to the glass, your eyes scanning the vast tank. The back was littered with large stones and tall kelp plants. Even though his tail was long, he somehow managed to easily hide amongst the flora of the tank. A worried feeling made itself apparent in your stomach. "Floyd? Where are you? Come out again," you yelled out nervously.
Did your playful banter go too far? Did you actually manage to insult him.
Your head began to spin with thoughts of how hurt he must feel. Feeling awful, you desperately searched for any sign of life from him. But your eyes never managed to see past the plants and rocks in the tank. He was nowhere to be found.
With each passing minute of your fruitless search, guilt and dread weighed down your conscience. You began to feel bad about what you had said to him. Any attempt of calling out to him was met with awful silence. With Floyd gone, the empty Mostro Lounge became eerie and lifeless.
Your guilt got the better of you, and you climbed up the ladder that led to the upper ledge of the tank. Your eyes scanned the crystal clear water, but even from up there, you couldn't manage to find him amongst the kelp. With your hands tightly gripping onto the ledge, you leaned over the tank.
"Floyd... I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said," you murmured softly. "Please come out again. I'm worried about you..."
You're met with silence again. He still seemed too hurt to reply you. Or that's what you thought at least. With all the feelings of guilt that plagued you, you didn't notice the threatening shadow that approached you from below. Your torse continued to lean over the ledge, desperately trying to find your friend in the tank.
That was until a webbed hand shot out from the water and grabbed your arm. A scream escaped your lips as you were pulled into the tank with ease. Your body toppled over the ledge and plunged into the water. Strong limbs and an even stronger tail constricted most of your panicked movement.
Your clothes felt heavy and your eyes burnt as you were finally able to open them. You came face to face with a mischievously grinning Floyd. He held you tightly, but making sure your head remained above the water. An unsettling giggle escaped his lips. "I never was mad at you. I just needed you to feel guilty and come closer to the tank so I could pull you in."
You glared at him, but your anger was only half-hearted. "You sly eel..."
Your struggling is met with carefree laughter from his side. "That's what we're known as. Smart, sly and slippery!" he exclaimed smugly and swam around the tank with you. A bright smile was plastered onto his face, akin to that of a child that had just received a present.
"I should have known this was just another one of your ploys," you murmured in dismay.
Floyd pressed you against him until you could only wheeze out your complaints. "You're like a rubber duck! So easily squeezable and cute," he cooed playfully.
"Hey, let me go!" you cried out with red cheeks.
His laughter turned louder, until it filled the entirety of the Mostro Lounge. "Sorry, no can do, Shrimpy. You're my little rubber ducky until I get my transformation potion."
"Azul! Hurry up with the potion!" you yelled out at the top of your lungs.
Before you could say more, Floyd pulled you underwater to shut you up. After a few seconds of having his fun, he pulled you up again. A giggle escaped his lips at your disoriented state. He merely soothed your strangled whines by pulling you closer, his arms circling around your waist.
An eerie smile decorated his face as he patted your head. "Oh, he can take his time. I don't mind...."
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generalsmemories · 1 year ago
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Jing Yuan the... Lion
✧ jing yuan x gn!reader
✧ based on the ask: how would the characters react when jing yuan somehow magically transforms into a lion (like mimi) for a day? x reader is ok!! - requested by @/ephemeralyae
✧ contents: humor, established relationship, fluff, mentions of other characters
✧ a/n: i've noticed a certain pattern with my writing sideblogs, and that is the fact that i'll always get this sort of request HAHA. And in line with similar patterns, this will be the first post written in a headcanon format! i went the x reader route with just a hint on how characters would react (not that big of a reaction, moreso what they have to do in this situation) so i hope it was okay!
not beta-read again lmfao.
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✧ He is as confused as everyone else with this situation. One moment he's sitting idly by his office, writing on his desk and the next moment he's left staring dumbfoundedly at a gigantic paw quite similar to the paws he squishes quite frequently back at home.
✧ Is the quick rundown you're given when you arrive at the Seat of Divine Foresight along with Fu Xuan and Yukong - having been frequently spammed with incoherent messages from Qingzu in the span of a few minutes.
✧ And although this very much is a serious situation - nevermind the mystery that the Divine Foresight is always absent from his usual seat, if he actually stays in this lion form for more than a day everything onboard the luofu will be behind schedule and he will for real be absent from the Seat of Divine Foresight because he's going to be taken in by the alchemy comission to figure out how to turn him back.
✧ And yet, as everyone is scrambling around trying to figure out a solution to turn him back and a reason to why he specifically was turned only - you're just left staring straight back at the lion with soft white hair and golden eyes who seem all to relaxed when staring back at you.
✧ Heck the tail is even comfortably swaying back and forth - even though he's well aware of the chaos he's caused.
✧ "... You know everyone in this room is in a disarray because of you, right?" a small roar that oddly sounded like his usual laugh, "... Yukong have to be able to discreetly send a message to the other flagships without even alerting anyone else in the Palace of Astrum, you are aware of that, correct?" you swear you saw the lion nodding his head.
✧ "... Master diviner Fu Xuan is going to have a lot more on her plate with this added problem, you agree to that right?" you ask once more, the lion only gave you a closed eyed smile.
✧ "Yanqing will be disappointed when you're not going to spar with him today, you've already avoided it for the past 2 weeks and you promised him today," the lion merely turns his head around, promptly ignoring you with a side glance of mischief.
✧ How can he be a scoundrel even when turned into a lion.
✧ "... Mimi would probably attack you the moment she spots you," you settle on saying. And somehow that information alone was enough for the once relaxed state of the lion to be in distress. Jing Yuan's once laid down form springing back into all fours - the sudden action making Qingzu who were still sorting out documents yelp.
✧ "... You know you could've tried saying you would leave him to see if he would react," Fu Xuan comments as the lion before the two of you makes his way over, "I think he would die on the spot if I said that, now how do we get him to-" you're unable to finish your answer back to the master diviner when you're suddenly pounced on by Jing Yuan.
✧ And as anyone would've expected, the much heavier weight makes you topple down to the floor with a loud bang.
✧ "... Did he already gain some feline traits?"
✧ You're unable to answer the question, desperately slamming your fist down on the lions mane before you're able to wriggle your head away from the amount of fur in your face, "Jing Yuan-" you wheeze, "I'm barely able to carry you while you're human, what made you think I can carry you when you weigh close to 200 kilograms?!"
✧ The lion seemed to not care, merely nuzzling his nose against your hair while making no move to actually get off of you.
✧ "... You know what, let's just call the healers down here and leave him here for the day. I have other business to attend to and Yanqing is already blowing up my phone asking where this idiot is," you say, tapping the lion on top of you on the nose before letting your hands tousle the mane, blinking in surprise at how oddly soft it was.
✧ "... On second thought I'll stay here until the healers come," you rephrase, continuing to run your hands through the mane, Jing Yuan seeming to purr in content at the excessive rubbing.
✧ So this is why Mimi is so content whenever you would excessively rub her everywhere.
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og request here!
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moonstruckme · 4 months ago
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hi Mae! I've never requested anything before, so forgive me if I'm doing this wrong. Can I request poly!marauders x reader who has a cold? I've just gotten sick and I feel icky, and these type of stories always make me feel better 😅 no worries if you can't, thank you!
Thanks for requesting lovely! You nailed it don't worry <3
poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 1.5k words
Your home is suspiciously quiet when Sirius enters. You and James ordinarily beat him there, but there’s no blaring TV or sound of something sizzling in the kitchen, he can’t even hear the shower running upstairs. The only evidence of either of you are your shoes by the front door, yours lined up neatly as they always are and James’ strewn a couple of feet from the doormat (as they always are). 
Sirius kicks his own shoes off, leaving them amongst James’, and starts to go in search of you upstairs. Only, as he passes the couch, he does hear something. A quiet whistling. 
He turns, and there you both are. Slumped where he couldn’t see you from the door, your body laid over James’ and his head propped at a painful-looking angle against the arm of the couch, the both of you covered in blankets. Your breath wheezes in and out of you. 
An unintentional tsking noise comes from Sirius’ mouth as he crouches beside you. He slots a hand underneath James’ neck, trying to alleviate the cruel bend. 
His boyfriend makes a sulky groaning sound. Mile-long lashes (which go sorely unappreciated by their owner, by the way; Sirius would do much better with them) flutter reluctantly as James turns his head towards Sirius. 
“Hello,” Sirius says softly, a smile tugging at his lips at the sight of the other boy’s sleep-glazed eyes. “Are you very comfortable like that?” 
“M’sweltering,” James admits, “but she’s cold.” 
Sirius feels his brows furrow. “I meant your neck, Jamie.” But it is odd that you’d be cold, considering that he’s a bit warm and he has no blankets. You don’t usually get so chilled. “She’s cold?” 
James makes a face that’s half pout, half frown. “She’s ill.” 
Sirius frowns harder, and only then does he realize how unusual it is for you not to have woken while they’re talking right above you like this. He sets the back of a hand to your forehead and finds it scorching. 
“Oh.” The coo drops from his lips almost without his notice. He feels your cheek with his other palm as if that will change things, but it’s the same. “Since when?” 
“She was home when I got here,” says James. “Don’t think she ever made it to work this morning. I gave her some paracetamol.” 
That had to have been hours ago. Sirius is about to ask if James is feverish himself, or what other delusion caused him to nap with you instead of calling him and Remus home, but you start to stir, saving your boyfriend a berating. Sirius’ attention goes to you. 
“Hey, sweetness.” He strokes his thumb along your cheekbone, hoping to wake you gently. “You’re not feeling well?” 
You make an unhappy humming sound Sirius takes to mean No. Sniffle wetly. James grabs a box of tissues from beside him on the floor and offers them to you like it’s a routine.
“When did this start?” 
You blow your nose before replying. It sounds awful, and when you’re done Sirius can see that the tip of your poor nose already looks chapped. “I think it set in overnight,” you croak. James winces at the sound of your voice. 
Sirius strokes your cheek again, doing his best not to look too severe. “And why didn’t you call us, lovely girl?” 
Over the top of your head, James mouths emphatically, She wouldn’t let me. 
You only shrug, burrowing further into your blankets. “No point. Why should you come home just because I’ve got the sniffles?” 
Sirius sighs. He gives your cheek a mean little squeeze, standing and pulling out his phone. 
“What’re you doing?” you ask suspiciously. 
“Hush, don’t hurt your throat.” 
You pout, but Sirius is not James, and while he’s far from immune to your sweetheart face, he won’t be swayed by it. Remus picks up on the third ring. 
“Hi, love.” He answers already sounding weary, albeit lovingly so, used to Sirius getting home around this time and calling him impatiently. Remus works too much, Sirius comes home every day itching for a kiss from all three of you; it’s a routine they both love to hate. “I’m just about to wrap up here.” 
“Right, I totally believe you,” Sirius scoffs (affectionately). Remus is always ‘wrapping up’ when Sirius calls, one chapter bleeding into the next until it’s dark and one of you goes to collect him. “I just wanted to let you know that our bird never made it to work today; she’s come down with something.” 
He can practically hear Remus’ frown forming. “She didn’t say?” 
“What do you think?” 
A sigh crackles through the line. “And bad enough that she stayed home, hm?” 
Sirius looks at you, finding your eyes still big and expression pouty. He pouts back. “Yeah, she’s got a wicked fever and whatever it is has turned her nose into a poorly tuned woodwind instrument.” 
Your expression sours. James hides a smile in your hair. “It’s only a cold,” you say. 
“Honestly, Rem, she’s incoherent.” 
Sirius can hear movement on the other end of the line, the quiet snap of his boyfriend’s laptop shutting. “I’m coming. Try to get her to drink something, please?”
He appraises you. You don’t look particularly happy with him. “I’ll try.” 
“Thanks, love. I’ll be there soon.” 
“Alright, drive safe. Love you.” 
“Love you, too.” 
“That was so unnecessary,” you complain as soon as he hangs up. 
“Sorry, I can’t understand you when you’re all stuffed up like that,” Sirius replies flippantly, pocketing his phone and crouching in front of you again. “All your consonants sound like ds and bs.” 
He uses his cold hands to his advantage, pressing them to your cheeks and allowing his genuine sympathy to surface in his expression. It wins you over quickly; you tilt your face into his touch. Fever glazed eyes droop indulgently. 
“Now, my lovely snot monster, would you like ice in your water or do you want it plain?” 
Remus bustles in when you’ve halfway drained your cup. Sirius can tell he’s worried because he hardly kicks his shoes into alignment next to each other, not taking the time to bend over and arrange them as neatly as he always does. 
“Hi, sweetheart,” he says in his most dulcet tone, dropping a kiss on your temple while he feels your fever with his knuckles. “Jamie, you’re not ill too, are you?” 
“No, I’m just here in solidarity,” James assures him from beneath you. “I’m tip-top, promise.” 
Remus nods, his mouth an unhappy line as he appraises the two of you. “I think you need to lose the blankets, dove. We need to get your fever down.” 
“But it’s cold,” you whine. 
“It’s not,” Sirius promises you. “It’s just that you could roast a marshmallow on your forehead right now.” 
“You can still have Jamie,” negotiates Remus, already peeling the blankets off you and balling them up out of reach. 
“S’all you really need,” James says agreeably. You look unsure, but you relax a little when he cuddles you closer. 
“And how about some tea?” Remus palms the side of your face, frowning slightly at the heat while he drags his thumb across your cheek. “It’ll help with your throat and keep you warm, yeah?” 
“Okay, yeah.” You take Remus’ hand, bringing it to your lips. Your eyes are fever bright. “Thanks, Rem. I’m sorry you came home.” 
“Now, what kind of thing is that to say?” Sirius teases. “I, for one, am very glad to have Remus home.” 
You attempt a glare; it’s poorly executed. “I meant I was sorry you called him.” 
“Well, I’m not,” Remus says firmly. Sirius fights the urge to stick his tongue out at you. “You should always call me, sweetheart. Or just any of us, but we can talk about that later.” (Oh, Sirius cannot wait. The scolding he wants to give you would have paled in comparison.) Remus gives your cheek a little pat. “I’m going to make your tea. Try to finish your water before I get back, please.” 
Sirius follows him into the kitchen, pleased to hear you asking James to pass you your water behind him. 
“Hey,” he says, coming up behind Remus at the stove. 
Remus sighs, turning around and looping his arms around Sirius’ shoulders. “Hi.” He rests his chin atop his boyfriend’s head. It’s a welcome weight. “Sorry.” 
“Sorry for what? Don’t be.” Sirius runs a hand up his spine, feeling each knob. “Sorry I worried you on the phone. I was freaked when I found her like this. She’s alright, though.” 
“She’s alright,” Remus agrees. “I just hate to see her so poorly. Her throat sounds awful, poor love.” 
“I hate that she didn’t tell anyone.” Sirius intends to sound a tad bitter, maybe with an edge of teasing, but his voice comes out whiny and wounded. 
Remus kisses his hair silently. He knows Sirius has trouble with the people he loves suffering in silence, even when it comes to things like this. “That, too.” 
“I hope you lecture her into never doing it again.” 
“That’s the hope.” 
“James aided and abetted, too.” 
The faintest traces of a smile in Remus’ voice. “You want me to do something about that, do you?” 
“If you think so.” 
“Mm. I think you just want me to be the bad guy.” 
The kettle starts to whistle, and Sirius steps out from his boyfriend’s arms, pecking him on the cheek as he gets it. “I mean, you’re already so good at it.”
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kmt123whatsthetea · 1 year ago
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Fred and George Weasley headcanon
What would they be like with the new employee at Weasley Wizard Wheezes?
A/N: until I get any ideas, I'm going to try writing shorts and headcanons. If you have any requests for shorts or requests for stuff they’d do with the reader etc, I’ll be more than happy to write them.
T/W: NSFW, Our favourite twins being pervy, maybe slightly dark (unknown ownership and the reader is innocent and unaware of the pervy twins’ antics), spanking, pinching, groping, nicknames, praise, drugging? (mentions of aphrodisiacs, sex pollen, and love potions), Smell kink? (like perfume and scent sniffing)
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Both twins
- They’d be all over you, fact
-At first, they thought you didn't mind their attention, but then it dawned on them that you were innocent enough to not notice (that didn't stop them)
-One would ask you to bend down and get something or stand on the step ladder to reach higher stock, the other would be enjoying every glimpse of your underwear
-They would definitely get you a uniform, which would be a very short skirt and a top that shows a lot of skin (they just tell you that its standard uniform and that some of the products stain clothes)
-And if your uniform is ‘crooked’, they’ll happily adjust it for you
-You were so eager for the job that you barely even read your contract (luckily for them)
-In small print was a paragraph that stated that you belonged to them and that they could do anything they wanted to you, ANYTHING
-Making mistakes has its advantages
They won't dock your pay or give you a warning, they’ll just pinch your thighs or give your ass and pussy spanks until you learn your lesson (Fred started this punishment)
-If a customer takes a liking to you or tries to make a move, the twins will slip him some puking pastilles (they have their ways)
-If a customer is mean, they’ll let you sit on one of their laps whilst they comfort you (again, this customer will be getting some puking pastilles for making their favourite girl upset)
-Anything new they make, they try on you (or so they tell you. They only want you to test the new line of ‘potions’ that they have made *cough* aphrodisiac and a sex pollen potions *cough*)
-At first, they wanted to compete for you, but they realised that two heads are better than one
-If Ron comes in and tries to make a move, they bar him from entering (until Molly finds out and sends them a howler)
-They’re waiting for the right moment to spike you with a love potion
Fred Weasley
-Fred is more handsy
-If your thigh is showing, his hands are already there
-If you’re on the stepladder, he will definitely grope your ass and tell you that he's making sure you don't fall
-One of his sneaky tricks involves dropping a small box that has small pieces inside onto you, he's just hoping that some of those pieces will fall out between your tits and he’s more than happy to reach between them to get them out
-If its George’s day off and a customer makes you upset, you will have to hold him back because he will whip his wand out (his magic wand, you dirty minds)
-He’s more possessive of you, and more handsy, and meaner (he will make sure you make a mistake just to punish you)
-Fred has taken a liking to calling you Kitten
George Weasley
-George is sweeter
-He can be just as sneaky as Fred, but he’ll praise you more often than he’ll punish you
-If you get tired when you stand at the till, he won't let you use the chair. As far as he’s concerned, you’re only allowed to sit on his lap or not sit at all (so he’ll just sit down and make you sit on his lap)
-If a customer is mean to you, George will stroke your hair (whilst you’re on his lap) and press small kisses to your cheek, which you think he’s doing to make you smile but he’s doing it cause he loves how you smell
-There have been times where you pout to him about Fred’s punishments, but he just strokes your hair and pretends to feel sorry, saying something like “you should have been a good girl and then Fred won't pinch those pretty little thighs”
-If you come to work and it's raining outside, George will let you change into a shirt of his whilst your clothes dry (he won't wash that shirt, he’ll keep it and smell it whilst his hand works wonders *wink* *wink*)
-George has taken a liking to calling you bunny
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buttercandy16 · 4 days ago
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Betrayal
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PAIRING: Agatha Harkness x Reader
SUMMARY: The reader is heartbroken and finds comfort in the arms of her best friend.
Or who betrayed who...
WARNING(s): Cheating, manipulation, and a whole lot of SMUT.
A/N: My fixation for this woman is just unhealthy and I'm loving it. Enjoy!
Y/N POV
"The day we met was the day I was no longer a man of my own because from that very moment I surrendered myself to you and you alone, my Y/N. " 
Those were the exact words that my beloved husband said to me during our wedding vows. The words that made me feel like I was the luckiest woman alive… not until now.
Greg looks so handsome when he smiles, the way his eyes disappear with such mirth. Especially right now as he dances, swaying his body to the rhythm of the music. He's not really a fan of dancing but he tried it for me because he knew how much I love dancing, it made me feel special. But now as I watch him do exactly what I had originally thought he'd only do for me, with another woman nestled intimately between his arms made me realize that I wasn't as special as I thought I was. 
The way he dances is so much better than how he used to as if he's been doing this for some time now. I originally thought the reason why he's been coming home late was due to his busy work schedule because that's exactly what he's been telling me, I guess I was wrong.
My husband is no longer mine alone…
Tears silently streamed down my cheeks unnoticed as I willed myself to turn away from the scene that turned my world upside down…
The moment I went inside my car that's when all hell broke loose. I screamed and screamed until my throat felt raw and scratched while banging my fists against the wheel. 
Cursing his name for the lies, cursing him for the promises, and cursing him for causing me the most excruciating pain I have ever felt in my life.
My heart feels like it has been punctured a million times over by tiny pins. It stings at first, but now it feels as if they’ve left me numb, not even slightly painful, just numb. 
How could he do this to me? How could he cheat on me and throw years of marriage into the dust as if it meant nothing?! I gave him everything, I fully surrendered myself to him without reserve as I thought he would do the same to me… oh how wrong I was… 
I cried even harder just thinking of his betrayal but I was also starting to panic as I felt my chest constrict, making it difficult for me to breathe.
Damn asthma…
I looked through my bag for my inhaler, but it was not there. The panic and lack of air drove me to start gasping, breathing as if the oxygen had been sucked from the air around me.
I clumsily grabbed my phone and dialed the first person I could think of at this dire moment. 
After the final ring, I immediately spoke before the woman on the other line had the chance with labored breaths.
"A-agatha… I need you, please."
"Y/N? What's going on? Where are you? Are you hurt?" Despite the buzzing in my head and wheezing from my chest I can still hear the urgency and worry in her voice as she spewed one question over another. 
"Ha-hades Den… please hu-hurry. Can't breathe." I stuttered through the desperate sobs that left my lips, alerting the woman in the other line even more.
"Hades Den? The dance studio? I'll be there as fast as I can, just be somewhere safe and stay on the line with me." Agatha instructed but I could barely hear anything she was saying as I struggled to control my breathing. With my hands cold and shaking I accidentally let go of my phone making it fall next to the pedals.
"Sweetheart? Hey, I'm on the road right now. Hello? Are you still there? Y/N? Please answer me, you're gonna give me a heart attack!"
Already my thoughts were becoming jumbled like I was in a nightmare. Without uttering another sound the side of my face met the tinted window as darkness overtook my vision and my eyes closed.
_=_=_
Not really knowing how long I was out when I was suddenly jolted from my position when the door opened and I fell into the arms of my best friend who without a doubt caught me safely in her arms.
"Oh my God! Y/N!! What happened to you?!" Agatha asked worriedly.
I clung to Agatha’s arms as she helped me out of my car. She held an inhaler to my lips and I immediately took a puff, holding it in for a count of four before slowly expelling the air that tasted of chemicals. It was kinda bitter really, but after so long with asthma, I had come to associate it with easier breathing and so in a weird sort of way I liked it. Agatha put the cap back on the inhaler and jammed it deep into her pocket.
"Ho-how did you know I needed that?" I asked.
"We've known each other since we were teens, sweetheart, I'm fully aware whenever my best friend is having an asthma attack."
One of her hands kept me balanced while the other one cradled the side of my face trying to get a glimpse of my eyes.
The moment our eyes met I could see my reflection in her beautiful blue orbs, and I looked exactly like how I felt…  like shit… making me release another stream of tears down my cheeks.
"Sweetheart, please tell me. What happened?" she worriedly asked again while wiping my tears off with her thumb.
I couldn't really tell her at the moment, I just wanted to get out of here.
"Take me away, please" I softly begged, my voice barely a whisper but I knew she heard me as understanding can be seen in her eyes. 
She gently guided me towards the passenger seat of her car and put my seatbelt on me before settling on the driver's seat.
"I'll call someone to drive your car home," she informed me, I softly nodded in response. I leaned my head to the side of the window with my eyes closed as Agatha drove off away from the studio, away from my cheating husband.
_-_-_ 
"Y/N, wake up. We're here."
I woke up to Agatha's face close to mine as she gently shook me awake.
I was a little bit startled by how close her face was to mine, it was so close that I could feel her breath gently caress my cheek.
"U-um… okay," I gulped nervously, she only smiled before getting out of the car.
Surveying my surroundings, that's when I realized that she brought me to her house.
Agatha opened the door for me and gently took my hand in hers to assist me, leading me inside her humble abode.
Once inside the house, I was met with silence. Too quiet for what I was used to.
"Where’s Nicky?" I asked curiously as I sat down on the sofa while she disappeared to the kitchen.
"Nicky is having a sleepover with his friends. I also gave the staff some days off so it's just us here," she explained, coming back to me with a tray of water and alcohol.
"Alcohol?"
"I have a feeling we're gonna be needing it" she smiled mischievously before turning serious.
"So… are you gonna tell me what happened or should I play the guessing game?" she asked while pouring me a glass of expensive scotch.
"Greg." uttering his name leaves a bitter taste on my tongue. Much more bitter than the alcohol that I'm currently pouring down my throat.
"What's wrong with your husband?" Agatha asked while taking a sip from her glass.
"He's cheating on me."
Shock and disbelief painted Agatha’s face, while I tried my best to keep my tears from falling.
"You're kidding."
"I can assure you I'm not, I saw it with my own two eyes."
As Agatha sat there in shock, she laid it on heavy. "I told you he was no good! He is nothing but a cheating bastard!" After a breath, she continued, "He was never good enough for you anyway." Agatha’'s words rang true as my world started to fall apart.
Finally, I looked up with tears in my eyes asking, "What do I do? Leave him?"
Agatha doesn't even hesitate, "Hell yes! He doesn't deserve someone special like you."
I just sat and listened to whatever Agatha has to say as well as getting a little too deep with the alcohol consumption.
"You see, sweetheart, men like Greg are like damn leeches that suck the life from anything they come in contact with. He doesn't deserve an angel like you." she said with such seriousness which actually made me giggle a bit despite everything, probably because I'm getting really tipsy. I'm also starting to believe every word that comes out from her luscious red lips… 
Wait, What the hell am I thinking?!
I shook my head trying to get these… Um...weird thoughts about my best friend's kissable lips and what they probably taste like.
Arghh!!  What the hell brain?!
"Hey, are you alright?" Agatha looked at me as if I've grown two heads on the spot, which made me blush out of embarrassment. 
"Ye-yeah… Sorry… I'm getting a little too tipsy." I mumbled before getting up from the spot, which was a bad move since I lost my balance and fell backward into Agatha's lap.
"Well, this is comfortable" Agatha smirked as she wrapped her arms securely around my waist which only brought more blood flowing through my cheeks.
"A-agatha what are you doing?" I asked while trying to get her hands off me but failed miserably. She only laughed at my attempts and I was starting to get irritated not until I felt her warm lips softly pressed against my nape.
I went completely rigid from the contact, breath hitching, and my mind running wild with what the hell is going on.
"Is something wrong?" Agatha asks with a grin plastered on her face.
"N-nothing." I stuttered back to her.
Oh god, what do I do?!
"Are you sure? You seem a little flustered. Especially when you were eyeing my lips minutes ago" she asks before pausing, "It's as if you have been thinking of doing something with them."
"Agatha, I... I can explain." I tried to argue, yet I had no argument in my head.
"No need to, I understand. I've wondered for a very long time how your lips would taste as well," she whispered next to my ear. Her breath tickles my now sensitive skin.
Before I could react I felt Agatha's hand on my arm, I almost jumped out of my skin.
"Why don't we stop this little game," Agatha says, bringing her hand to my chin and making me look into her burning blue eyes, "And just… Give… In."
Oh my god! What should I do? This is so wrong.
"That's enough Agatha. I don’t want that and you won't speak to me like this any longer. I’m not like you… I’m not into women and married.”
"We both know that’s a lie,” Agatha whispered, and I watched as my best friend's hands moved to the buttons of my shirt. I could only watch her playing with it, slowly unbuttoning it one by one. "I think you do want it… In fact, I think you're deeply curious about it. You know I can treat you better, and make you feel even better than any man could."
"Aggie..." I went to protest.
"Shhhh." She whispers to interrupt me.
Frozen in my place, I was helpless to simply watch as my childhood best friend now fully unbuttoned my shirt. Her soft, slender hands move to the inside and effortlessly start to push the shirt to the side, exposing just a little of my bare skin.
"Give in, pet. Let your curiosity run wild" Agatha whispers.
My gaze meets her's, her soft lips smiling back at me as I feel soft fingertips running against my skin.
That's when I decided to surrender myself to this gorgeous woman holding me.
In a smooth and quick motion, Agatha pushes the shirt and it falls over. Only being held up by my arms, yet now my front body was fully on show. Wearing just a lace push-up bra, I remained still as Agatha's fingertips continued to explore my body.
 "Do you like it when I touch your body like this?"
Oh god, please help me.
"Y-yes." I stuttered back, closing my eyes as goosebumps appeared all over my body.
Knowing that I was losing control of myself.
She smoothly moved her head forward, her soft, delicious lips ever so slightly brushing against my ear as she whispers in the most seductive of tones.
"Does it feel good baby?"
"I...I....I..." I stuttered back, not being able to speak.
Closing my eyes and feeling Agatha’s warm breath on my ear makes my legs feel like jelly. I can already tell that my warmth is absolutely soaked.
Her hands explored my back and found their way to my bra strap.
"Cat got your tongue?" She whispers into my ear, her tongue slightly leaving her mouth and licking my ear lobe.
I gasped out loud.
My bra strap was unhooked. Pulling her head back, Agatha’s face was filled with joy as she kept a hold of the bra and pulled it back and off my body.
My body, no longer fighting any of Agatha's advancements allowing her to remove my bra, now sitting with my breasts on show.
With a slow movement, Agatha cups my right breast. Slowly playing with it, she flicks her thumb over the nipple over and over.
"Ooohh." I accidentally moan, my legs feeling weak beneath me.
"Do you like that?" Agatha whispers.
"Y-yes," I whispered back.
She continued to play with my nipple in her hand, knowing that I will soon be too far gone to turn back.
"What about this?"
My eyes were wide open in shock and a gasp escaped my lips as Agatha swiftly laid me on my back on the sofa while she hovered over my flushed body. She didn't waste any time and moved her head forward, her soft, plump lips landing around my nipple. Her wet tongue comes out and flicks it, running around in small circles.
I can't stop myself from letting out soft moans, my nipples have always been my weak point. As I looked down at Agatha’s soft dark hair, feeling her tongue playing with my nipple my legs begin to squirm.
She sucks on my nipple and nibbles down on it with her teeth.
"Oooohh." I moaned louder.
"Aggie, this is wrong." I panted out weakly.
"Yet, here we are," Agatha says, giving one last lick before pulling her mouth away. Keeping her hand on my breast, I feel like she had me lying here forever. "Why are you fighting this?" She asks.
Her hand pulls away from my breast. Just when I thought it might be over, Agatha’s hand returns softly to my pants-covered thigh. Instinctively, I slightly opened it and allowed my best friend's hand to run between them, ever so slowly getting closer and closer to my center.
Finally reaching it, she popped off the button and inserted her hand inside my pants, gave my warmth a slow rub from outside my underwear, and whispered.
"Why are you so wet?"
"I.... don't know." I tried to think of an answer but my mind is somewhere else.
"Hmmm… I think you do know. It's because you want this… need this…" Agatha pushed my underwear to one side; she easily slid one finger knuckle deep inside of my drenched warmth.
"Oooohhh." I moaned, biting down on my lip.
"Am I right, baby?." Agatha whispers, arching her finger inside my warmth, rubbing against my G-spot.
"Ooooh god." I moaned louder, closing my eyes and allowing myself to be fingered right here in my best friend's living room.
My head is a mess, the pure pleasure coming from Agatha's finger just increases when she easily pushes a second finger inside and perfectly hits my G-spot.
"Answer me, Y/N," Agatha demanded.
"Yyyyeesss." I moaned out in pure ecstasy.
"Yes, what?" She asks with a smile, knowing she had me where she wanted me.
"Yes, I want it," I said firmly, opening my eyes and staring at her beautiful face.
This spurred her to increase the pace of her fingering.
"Yes!" I moaned over and over, my G-spot getting hit by her amazing fingers.
"Good," Agatha says firmly and pulls her fingers out of my warmth, "Let's take this to the bedroom."
I know I should stop this, deep down I know this is wrong and that this can only end badly. But right now, I was no longer thinking with reason.
"Okay," I whispered.
She grabbed my hand and led me to her bedroom.
Finally, in the room, she shuts the door before sitting on the bed.
"Take off your underwear," Agatha commanded.
Not speaking, I bent over and pushed my underwear off. Now standing completely naked, by choice, in front of my best friend.
"Come sit next to me."
Sitting down, we stared at each other. For a moment, thinking of what is about to happen made my body almost shaking with excitement.
Agatha’s hand appeared on my thigh and once again instinctively I opened them. Her fingertip moves to my swollen clit.
"Oh god..." I gasped. Looking her dead in the eyes as she slowly massages my clit, sending so much pleasure throughout my body.
As my breathing gets heavier and heavier, my legs begin to twitch from every flick of Agatha's finger.
Not being able to control myself any longer, I moved my head forward and captured Agatha's lips with mine. Savoring her cherry-flavored chapstick.
As our kiss deepens, her fingers move faster on my clit making my legs twitch from pleasure.
My hand started to explore Agatha's body, caressing with such gentleness and sensuality. Landing my hand on her thigh, I gripped it tightly as I could feel myself nearing my release but before it reached that point, Agatha suddenly pulled her hand away from my aching warmth, making me whine in frustration.
Stopping the kiss, I stared at her in confusion. But before I could say anything she placed her fingers on my mouth and pushed it in, making me taste my arousal. It was divine…
With the combination of alcohol and pure lust burning through my system, I began to suck on her fingers as if they were a lolly whilst staring into her eyes, making her groan in approval.
The moment my mouth left her fingers, Agatha stood up and undressed with such speed I could barely process how she did it, but here she is now completely bare for me to see and worship.
I was still sitting on the edge of the bed when Agatha gently straddled me, our naked chests deliciously pressing against each other.
She grabbed my head and held it just inches away from hers, staring at each other's eyes.
"Touch me," She ordered.
Not having to be told twice, my hand goes to her smooth warmth which is just as wet as her own. With ease, I pushed my index finger inside and started to rub it against Agatha's G-spot.
"Ohhh yes!" She moans loudly. She looks down at herself fingering me whilst I fingered her. Looking back up we moaned in unison.
"Oh fuck yes!" Agatha moans out, pushing in to kiss me hard as the two of us finger each other.
This continues for a few minutes, each of our moans growing louder and louder.
"Lie down on your back baby," Agatha instructed as she pulled away from me. I was so close to my release but didn't mind it one bit for I was more than excited about what was to come next.
Lying down flat, I watched as she parted my legs and began kissing slowly up to the insides of my thighs.
She went closer and closer to my warmth until it was staring directly at her.
I turned red as a tomato as I saw how Agatha looked at my warmth, she was looking at it as if she wanted to devour it.
"Beautiful," she whispered and slowly moved forward.
Her tongue pushed inside of me and tasted my nectar. With her eyes closed, she explored my warmth. I can feel her running her tongue up and down my soft lips. In and out of my hole before finally reaching my throbbing clit.
"Mmmmm yes!" I moaned when Agatha's tongue first flicked my clit.
The way she was looking at me right now made everything so much hotter, and with it, a moan left my lips.
Agatha moaned back before getting her tongue back onto my sensitive clit.
"Don't stop,”
I slowly started to grind my warmth back and forth on Agatha's eager tongue.
My legs were spread wide, accepting the finger fucking in my warmth as the sound of my juices filled the room.
"Mmmmmm! A-aggie… I'm close.”
"You want to cum all over my face, baby? You want to cum on your best friend's face?" Agatha moaned but didn't even give me a chance to reply when her hands gripped my thigh firmly and in one quick motion slid her fingers knuckle deep into my tight, dripping warmth.
"AGATHAA!!!" I screamed out in pure pleasure and arched my back as my warmth flooded over Agatha's face. An earth-shattering orgasm wrecked my body over and over again.
As my body carries on shaking as my orgasm slowly dies down, Agatha, still hooked on my delicious warmth, carries on licking me, lapping up every drop of cum as she can while continuously she fingers my overstimulated warmth.
"Agatha, stop." I panted out, feeling too sensitive after cumming.
"Just one more, baby. Give me one more." She coos, with her words I screamed as my second orgasm was ripped from me. This time squirting all over my best friend's face and soaking the silk sheets that she shares with her wife. The taste of my sweet release on her tongue, and the magnificent sight of me squirting was too much for Agatha, making her cum hard with a primal moan.
After cleaning my warmth with her tongue she sits to the side and just stares at me with a beautiful smile on her face, looking quite proud of herself. I can see my juice dripping from her chin and some still glossing her lips which she seductively licks with her tongue, while her eyes are devouring mine.
What a sight…
She starts to slide her fingers around my lips. The fingers that were just in my warmth.
"Mmmm." I moaned as I happily took them into my mouth before her fingers were replaced with her soft lips.
Our lips parted before staring deeply into each other's eyes. All I could see in her eyes was pure admiration, desire, and…love?
"You're mine now, sweet thing, and I will not let anyone come in between us… never again." She whispered before gathering me into her arms with my head resting on her chest.
Her words ring inside my head, but I find myself loving the idea of being with Agatha, not quite processing the last part of her declaration which I gladly dismissed. All I can think about is that she wants me to be hers, and that made me feel like the whole damn zoo was having a party inside my tummy.
"Yours" I softly whispered with a bright smile on my face.
For a few minutes, we just both laid there basking in each other's warmth in silence. The smell and taste of my release filled our senses, and the room itself. It was the last thing my mind processed before letting sleep take me into the arms of my new lover.
_=_=_
It was a little before 11 pm when I pulled into the garage of my mansion, a mansion I share with my cheating husband. Thinking about it should've still made me feel bad, but that wasn't the case anymore. Because all I can ever think about the moment I left Agatha's home was her touches, kisses, and sweet words that she constantly whispered in my ears.
I came in the door a bit tired from the earlier activities but with a glowing smile still etched on my face. I set my bag and jacket on the kitchen table before I saw Greg eagerly enter the living room and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me. "Wow, honey, you...you look glowing."
I just smiled a wicked little before answering in a slightly snarky tone. "Oh, thanks, honey."
If only you knew how I got this glow…
"Where have you been? I've been calling your phone non-stop but you weren't answering. I was so worried." Greg said, his voice raw with worry.
Getting fucked by my best friend in a much better way than you'd ever could… no biggie. I wish I could say these words out loud but I did my best to refrain from doing so, instead, I went into acting mode.
"Oh, I'm so sorry hon. I forgot my phone in my car. I was with Agatha the whole time, and well, we got busy…so busy that the time completely slipped my mind." I explained with my most convincing voice.
You cheating bastard don't deserve a single damn explanation from me, but I'll play your game, Greg… just for the kick of it.
"Well, I'm just glad you're home safe and sound. By the way, I have a surprise for you. I know I've been really busy lately, but I want to make it up to you tomorrow night."
"Oh, that's nice," I answered, not overly excited but still kept on indulging him.
"And to celebrate the anniversary of our marriage, maybe even a bigger surprise for you. I learned to dance." Greg happily announced, I on the other hand am confused as hell.
Shit, I didn't even realize the date for tomorrow is our anniversary. At that moment, Greg stepped toward me, pulled me in, and waltzed with me a few steps. While we danced, he said, "I have been taking lessons twice a week. I know I am no expert dancer, but I wanted to do this for you. I even have reservations for us."
I continued moving with Greg, my eyes wide and in shock as my mind started to spin. I suddenly stopped and just stood there. All I could think was 'this can't be. There is no way it was just dancing. He was cheating on me. He had to be cheating on me.' I had tears streaming down my face as I thought of what I had done earlier.
"Honey, I also took the liberty of buying the dress you saw last week when we went to the mall. I know it's a big surprise but we have all night to dance the night away." I was in shock as I continued to stare at him. And all I could ask is, "How?"
"Well, it wasn't easy. About two months ago, I was talking with Agatha, and I was saying how I wanted to do something big like learn to dance. She said she knew someone who offers dance lessons. So, for a week during lunch, we would work on a few basics in my office. Then, we progressed to going out dancing every Tuesday and Thursday at Hades Den, the dance studio. I invited my dance instructor and her fiancé to join us. I thought I owed them a nice night out after how helpful they have been. I'm so glad Agatha managed to keep it from you, I made her swear not to, so the surprise won't be spoiled. I was quite shocked since we both know she can't even keep a secret." Greg chuckled.
Hearing Agatha's name was enough to snap me out of my trance, "A-agtha knew?"
"Oh, she more than knew. She knows all about the entire plan. Sometimes she'd go to Hades den to make sure I'm progressing. Your best friend really wants the best for you, she's a gem. You're so lucky to have her in your life, in our life."
My mind started racing, and my breathing was getting shallower with every second that passed by. Greg saw this and immediately ran to my bag and grabbed my inhaler.
No… no… this can't be true…this can't be true. It doesn't make any sense… why would Agatha keep this… Agatha lied… she lied… and then she seduced me… we fucked… Greg never cheated… Agatha knew… we fucked… Greg didn't cheat… But I did… I cheated… I'm the cheater and not Greg… I cheated…
My mind was in jumbles as Greg placed the inhaler on my lips asking me to open my mouth… but I don't think I want to… I wanna drown in this asthma and just die on the spot.
Tears streamed down my cheeks as the feeling of guilt and betrayal started to eat me whole. My husband's worried voice feels like a faraway echo, as my mind is consumed by one question.
Agatha… What did you make me do?
_=_=_
Please don’t forget to like, repost, comment, and follow!! It helps boost motivation, lol.
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kikidoesfanfic · 1 month ago
Text
Woof, I mean, hey
Written for the @strangerthingswritersguild demogorgon daily prompt 'puppy chow' (happy birthday @bobamews)
>On ao3<
"I'd keep an eye on that if I were you," Wayne says, gesturing at the bag of dog food Steve's carrying.
There's a stray that's taken up hiding under the Munson trailer, all round with a litter and such a sweetheart, Steve has been trying to befriend her enough to coax her inside for a bath for a few days now.
"Uncle Wayne, no!" Eddie whines, and now Steve's intrigued, Wayne's looking at Eddie with a positively shit eating grin, the two having a staredown neither seems willing to break.
"What am I keeping an eye out for exactly?" Steve asks.
"Well, back when Eddie first came to live with me,"
"Wayne please."
"There was this skittish little pup hangin' round the park, skinny as anythin' and nobody seemed to own it."
"I'll do the dishes for a month," Eddie says, and Wayne pauses, probably tempted because he hates doing the dishes, and with Steve cooking most nights both Munson men trade off on the chore. He must decide it's worth it though, because he continues.
"So, Eddie begged and begged, big sad cow eyes that I couldn't say no to." Wayne looks to Steve now, "of course I had to buy a little bag of the puppy chow, the kibble stuff."
Eddie, knowing Wayne is unmovable, dramatically flops face down onto the couch.
"But see, the scrawny thing wouldn't get close to eat the food when we were out there, even birds scared the little guy away. So Eddie-" Wayne says, starting to chuckle. "So Eddie thought-" he cuts himself off again with another laugh, Eddie groaning in protest, slightly muffled by the sofa cushion.
"Eddie thought if the pup saw him eatin' the food, he'd know it was safe, that he was safe."
"Aww Eddie, that's so cute!" Steve coos, dropping the bag beside the door to go over and kneel next to the couch.
"Yep, that's me, so cute." Eddie says quickly, head popping up to glare at his uncle. "And that's where the story ends, right Uncle Wayne."
"Sure," he acquiesces, and Eddie looks momentarily relieved until Wayne tacks on, "if you ignore the part where he decided they tasted pretty good as a snack and hid half the bag in his room for later."
"BETRAYAL," Eddie shouts, jumping up on the couch to point an accusatory finger at Wayne, "by my own flesh and blood!"
Steve, meanwhile, is laughing so hard he's bent double, he'd stood to make sure Eddie wouldn't fall off the couch when he yelled, but when Wayne's words processed... well.
"You kept eating it?" Steve wheezes, and Eddie turns to slap at his shoulder.
"No, go back, I'm cute remember! Wayne, look what you did!"
"I can get set some aside from the bag if you like, but I'm not kissing you if you have dog food breath." Steve says, and Wayne chuckles again.
"I changed my mind, pretty much immediately!"
"Yeah, but only 'cause-"
"NO. NOPE. TIME TO GO." Eddie yells, cutting Wayne off, jumping hastily from the couch and shoving at Steve to get him towards their room. "La la la la we can't hear you!"
"Only 'cause he felt guilty for stealing the dogs food" Wayne yells behind them, just as Eddie's about to slam the door.
"No," Eddie despairs, drawing out the word, thumping his head on the door frame a time or two before Steve can stop him. "You're the worst!" He turns and pouts, eyes big and imploring as he looks at Steve, "you can't tell anyone about this, the kids will never let me hear the end of it."
"Don't worry, your secret's safe with me Eds," he says with a fond smile. "Though, I don't think it's me you have to worry about, won't Wayne be home during Hellfire this week?" Eddie's face turns panicked, hurrying back down the hallway, leaving a giggling Steve behind.
"Hey Uncle Wayne, I ever tell you you're the best Uncle a guy could have?"
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