#but i'm still just absolutely eaten up with guilt

[paranormaljones]

it's real dingus hours.

[beloveds-embrace]

I am absolutely Eating your angsty dukedom 141, I'm just scarfing it down ayejjrnf

But! Suggestion for the drabble of reader slowly fading into the bg without König there;

Hereditary illness exacerbated by stress.

It's mostly fallen into the cracks of reader's family history after her ancestor married into nobility- not a lot to be dangerously stressed about when you're waited on hand and foot by servants, after all.

But then once reader stops making any attempt to leave her room, servants have to start bringing her her meals, and they start noticing that she seems to be getting increasingly thinner despite the meals being at least half eaten. She seems more exhausted, her hands shaky and trembling, embroidery or painting projects left tossed in the corner of her bedroom after she couldn't hold onto the needle or brush, let alone do any precision work.

Gossip spreads through the servants of the Duchess being ill (though none seem particularly caring of this fact) until it starts to reach the boys' ears

Thank you!! I hope you enjoy this!!

The first sign that something was wrong- truly wrong- came when one of the younger maids hesitated outside John’s office. Her apron was wrinkled, and she kept wringing the cloth in her hands until the edges frayed. Kyle, always perceptive, was the one to notice her first.

“What is it?” His sharp eyes pinned her in place.

The maid flinched but didn’t run. Instead, she stepped forward, voice trembling. “I-It’s the Duchess, sir.”

That was all it took for the entire room to still.

John had been in the middle of correspondence, quill poised mid-sentence, but he set it down without finishing the word. Simon’s ever-present stoicism cracked, his fingers tightening around the edge of the table.

“What about her?” John’s voice, though even, had an undercurrent of tension.

The maid looked at him with wide, uncertain eyes. “She’s… ill, sir. She’s not been leaving her room-”

“We know that.” John interrupted, his voice a low growl.

“No- no, sir, I mean really ill. She’s not eating much anymore, but- she’s thinner, sir. Much thinner than before. And her hands shake something awful when she tries to hold a spoon or cup. I saw it myself when I brought her tea this morning… it’s- it’s been going on for a while now, we’ve all noticed but I just couldn’t- couldn’t stand back anymore, I’m so sorry.”

The words dropped into the room like a stone into a pond. And the silence that followed was thick, pressing, suffocating.

John was the first to move, striding out of the room with the others close behind him. The maid was left in their wake, her words repeating themselves in her head as though she’d spoken some terrible thing into existence.

They found you where you always were now- alone in the dim bedroom, wrapped in blankets but still somehow shivering. The curtains had been drawn tight, the hearth left to burn low, and the air was stale with disuse.

You didn’t even stir when the door opened.

John froze at the sight of you, the sharp tang of guilt clawing up his throat. He could see it immediately- the way your cheeks had hollowed, the slight tremor in your fingers as you clutched the edges of the blanket. The soft silk of your gown hung loose at your shoulders, as though it no longer fit the same way it used to. An old one- one you’d worn at the beginning if your marriage, still hopeful for companionship from a husband who didn’t care for you.

Kyle was the first to break from his stupor, stepping forward and kneeling at your bedside. “… Duchess?” His voice was softer than John had ever heard it, but it still seemed too loud in the suffocating quiet.

You stirred then, eyes fluttering open just enough to see him.

“Kyle?”

The hoarseness in your voice struck something in him- hurt him in a way he wasn’t prepared for.

“I’m here, darling,” he murmured. He reached out, gently brushing his knuckles against your cheek, and frowned at how warm your skin felt. “What’s happened to you?”

You tried to sit up, but your body betrayed you, trembling with the effort until Kyle and Johnny had to steady you with firm hands.

“I’m fine.” You said. The words were paper-thin, weak and unsteady.

“You’re not fine.” John cut in, his voice harder than he meant it to be. You flinched, and it made his heart squeeze painfully.

Simon said nothing, but he hovered near the foot of the bed, his sharp gaze flicking over you as if committing every detail to memory. His hands were clenched into fists at his sides, but what was there to do or say? He felt like he might break you should he even brush his fingers across your skin.

“It’s nothing.” you murmured, turning your head away.

“Nothing?” John repeated, dangerously low. He stepped closer, dropping to his knees at your bedside, one hand finding yours. “You think this is nothing?”

Your fingers twitched in his grasp, but you didn’t pull away. You couldn’t even meet his eyes.

“I know…” Your voice cracked, and you squeezed your eyes shut. “I know you don’t care. Why- why are you here now?”

It felt like the air had been knocked out of him.

“Don’t care?” John echoed, tinged with disbelief.

“None of you came,” you whispered. “Not once. I thought… I thought maybe it was easier for you that way. You- is this not what you wanted?”

Simon made a sound then- low and guttural- and moved to kneel on your other side, opposite Kyle. He reached for your other hand, lifting it carefully to his lips. His breath was warm against your skin, but you didn’t react.

“I’ll get the doctor.” Johnny said abruptly, spinning on his heel and leaving before anyone could stop him.

Kyle stayed close, his hand never leaving your shoulder, while Simon stroked your knuckles in slow, deliberate motions. But it was John who finally spoke.

“We should have come sooner,” he admitted, voice heavy with regret. “I should have come sooner. Duchess- I’m so sorry.”

You blinked, your lashes damp with unshed tears. “Why didn’t you?”

The words cut deeper than any blade.

He looked at you then, taking in every fragile, exhausted detail- the way your breath came too shallowly, the slight tremor in your fingers, the sheen of sweat on your skin despite the chill in the room.

“Because I was a fool,” he said softly. “Because I let myself think you were fine without us.”

You didn’t answer, but the way your fingers curled just slightly around his told him enough.

When Johnny returned with the doctor, the room erupted into motion. You were carefully propped up, fed broth spoonful by spoonful, your pulse checked, and your temperature taken. The doctor’s diagnosis was both alarming and infuriating- stress-induced illness, made worse by malnutrition and exhaustion. It wasn’t until he began asking about your family history that the pieces truly started to click.

“You’ve been predisposed to this,” he explained, while they watched in silent, setting horror. “It’s genetic, though dormant in most cases. But stress- particularly prolonged stress- can trigger it. I’d wager it’s been simmering for weeks, if not months.”

Months.

Kyle and Johnny exchanged glances, and Simon looked like he was ready to tear someone apart. Mabe himself.

John didn’t move from your side.

“What does she need?” he demanded.

“Rest. Food. Care. But most importantly…” The doctor’s gaze swept across all of them. Rumors flew with the wind, and he was still not old enough to lose his hearing. “No more stress.”

John nodded firmly, reaching out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “You’ll have everything you need.” He promised.

But his words held no particular weight to you.

[mountaesan]

most ardently; h. taesan

pairing. bf!taesan x fem!reader genre. newly est. relationship au , fluff  synopsis. the arrival of an unexpected guest ruins your plans for your first valentine’s date but lucky for you, your sweet boyfriend is very accommodating word count. 1.6k warnings. reader is menstruating , hormonal , and emotional  playlist. the shade by rex orange county , i <3 u by boy pablo notes. happy belated valentine’s day ! the only red thing i got this year was my period . hence this fic LOLLL hope you enjoyy

You stared at your phone screen with a quiet sigh, your boyfriend’s latest text glowing back at you.  

my taesan <3: hi babyyyy my taesan <3: so excited for tonight!! my taesan <3: be sure to wear something warm it’s getting chillyyy my taesan <3: i’ll see you later bbyyyy i love you so much!

His enthusiasm broke your heart.  

Fingers hesitating over the keyboard, you finally mustered up the courage to type out a response. 

you: hi babee i’m really sorry but i think i have to raincheck today…  you: i’m not feeling too good TT  you: i’m really sorry 😭 you: i promise to make it up to you next time! i love you moreee 🤍

The moment the message sent, you let your phone slip from your grasp and melt further into your bed. The mattress swallowed you whole as you stared blankly at the ceiling, letting the weight of your own body press you deeper into the sheets. The pain was dull but constant, an ache in your lower abdomen that refused to subside, pulsing in time with the fatigue settling into your bones.  

Your period had come early that morning, utterly wrecking any plans you had for the day. The first day was always the worst—bloating, exhaustion, mood swings, cramps so unbearable you wanted to curl into yourself and never move again. It just had to start today of all days. Your first Valentine’s Day with Taesan. The day he had been planning for months, ever since the two of you had just started dating. You wanted it to be perfect.  

Now, instead of getting dressed up and meeting your boyfriend at the fancy restaurant he had painstakingly booked in advance, you were drowning in self-pity beneath your blankets, hugging a heating pad to your stomach and feeling like the absolute worst girlfriend in the world.  

A small part of you considered telling him the truth. But maybe because your relationship was still so new, you hesitated. It wasn’t like you were embarrassed about your period—God, no—but admitting that this was the reason you were canceling, especially when the night was supposed to be so special… it felt mortifying.   

Your thoughts swirled in self-reproach, so lost in your misery that you didn’t notice the flurry of new texts lighting up your phone screen.  

my taesan <3: oh noo 😭 my taesan <3: is everything okay? my taesan <3: baby? my taesan <3: honey plz respond i'm starting to get worried my taesan <3: i’m going over to your place right now

You barely had time to register his arrival before Taesan was there��standing in your doorway, completely out of breath. His oversized black leather jacket was slightly damp from the lingering rain outside, a simple white shirt visible underneath. His baggy jeans hung loosely on his frame, but the first thing you noticed wasn’t any of that.  

It was the massive bouquet of roses in his hand.  

Your heart squeezed painfully in your chest.  

Taesan barely spared a second before setting the flowers on your desk and rushing to your side, his brows furrowed with worry as he kneeled beside your bed. The moment his warm palm pressed against your forehead, you felt yourself crumble.  

“You don’t feel warm…” he murmured, frowning as he compared your temperature with his own. His hands were cupping your cheeks now, gently squeezing them together as his eyes scanned your face for any signs of sickness. “Have you eaten? Do you need medicine? Should I get you—”  

Your vision blurred.  

The guilt and gratitude crashed over you all at once, so overwhelming that the only thing you could do was burst into tears.  

Taesan’s eyes widened in panic. “Wait, baby—what’s wrong? Does it hurt? What happened?”  

You hiccupped between sobs, the emotions tangled up in your chest making it impossible to speak. Still, you managed to croak out, “M-my period started.”  

For a moment, he stilled. Then, his entire body sagged with relief. “Oh my God,” he exhaled, pulling you into his arms with a small laugh. “You scared the hell out of me. I thought you were seriously sick or something.”  

You were still crying, your face buried into his shirt, hands clutching onto his jacket like he was the only thing keeping you from falling apart. “I’m sorry,” you sniffled. “I didn’t want to ruin our date—”  

“Hey, hey,” he cooed, his hands stroking the back of your head, soothing you in gentle circles. “Baby, look at me.”  

You pulled back slightly, puffy eyes meeting his concerned gaze.  

“You’re not ruining anything,” he said firmly. “You don’t have to be sorry for something you can’t control. I just wish you told me sooner instead of going through this alone.” His thumb wiped away a stray tear from your cheek. “I’m your boyfriend. You’re not supposed to hide when you’re in pain.”  

His words made your chest tighten with warmth.  

Sniffling, you nodded, and Taesan rewarded you with the softest smile, his dimple making a brief appearance.  

“Okay,” he hummed, wiping the last of your tears. “New plan.”  

You blinked. “New plan?”  

He nodded. “We stay in tonight.” He gestured dramatically with his hands. “We’ll watch ‘Pride & Prejudice’ and ‘Legally Blonde’ as much as you want, order all your favorite takeout, eat a bunch of heart-shaped desserts, and cuddle in bed for the rest of the night. Sound good?”  

You stared at him, the guilt slowly ebbing away, replaced with overwhelming affection.  

“Yeah,” you whispered. “That sounds perfect.”  

Taesan grinned, leaning in to press the softest kiss to your forehead. “Good. Now scoot over, baby. I’m cuddling you for the rest of the night until I smother you.”  

And with that, he pulled off his leather jacket and set it aside before climbing into bed beside you, pulling you into his warmth, his arms wrapping around you like a protective cocoon. 

You smiled, tucking your face into the crook of his neck.  

Taesan was warm. Too warm.

You groaned, shifting against his chest, your body sluggish from the heat pooling beneath the blankets. “Tae, I’m gonna make you hot,” you warned, voice laced with fatigue. “My body feels like a furnace right now.”

His arms only tightened around you in response, his fingers still laced between yours, tangled and unmoving. “Don’t care,” he murmured, lips pressing another soft kiss to your temple. You lost count of how many times he’d done that tonight, like he physically couldn’t keep himself from kissing you.

You huffed, attempting to shift away, but Taesan just whined dramatically, pulling you even closer, burying his face into your hair. “Nooo, stay,” he mumbled, voice muffled against your scalp. “You’re my personal teddy bear.”

You let out a soft laugh, exasperated but secretly loving the way he held onto you like you were something precious. “I’m literally a human space heater right now.”

He hummed, lips brushing against your hairline. “Mmm, my favorite.”

Your heart did a ridiculous flip.

He had you wrapped up in his arms, one of his legs thrown lazily over yours, anchoring you in place. Your fingers were still tangled together, his thumb tracing slow, absentminded circles against the back of your hand. Every few minutes, he would bring your hand to his lips, pressing featherlight kisses to each knuckle like it was second nature to him.

The TV cast a dim glow across the room, Pride and Prejudice playing quietly in the background. You had chosen the 2005 version, your favorite, because it was the perfect mix of romance and comfort. You expected Taesan to zone out within the first fifteen minutes, maybe even fall asleep, but to your surprise, he was fully engaged.

When Elizabeth Bennet shot one of her sarcastic remarks at Mr. Darcy, Taesan actually let out a laugh, a soft, amused chuckle that rumbled against your cheek where it rested against his chest.

“She’s so sassy,” he commented, grinning. “I like her.”

You turned your head to look at him, unable to stop the small smile tugging at your lips. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he said, eyes still glued to the screen. “She’s feisty. I respect it.”

You shook your head in fond exasperation, nestling back into his embrace. “You better,” you teased. “She’s literally me.”

Taesan scoffed, pressing yet another kiss to your temple. “Please, you’re worse.”

You gasped, swatting at his chest, and he laughed, catching your hand with ease before intertwining your fingers once more.

But it wasn’t until Mr. Darcy’s iconic love confession that you realized just how much effort Taesan was putting into this.

The moment Darcy muttered “I love you… most ardently”, Taesan sucked in a sharp breath, gripping your hand tighter.

He turned to you, eyes wide, brows furrowed in concentration. “Wait, wait, this is it, right? This is the scene?”

You blinked at him, completely caught off guard. “…Yeah?”

“Oh my God,” he whispered, turning back to the screen, his expression filled with anticipation.

Your chest swelled with something warm and fond. Taesan wasn’t just tolerating this movie—he was fully invested, even though period dramas and slow-burn romances were not his thing. He was making an effort. For you.

This night was supposed to be for the both of you. Your first Valentine’s Day together. And yet, Taesan had somehow managed to make it all about you, making sure you were comfortable, happy, and safe in his arms.

You squeezed his hand, your heart aching in the sweetest way possible.

Taesan glanced down at you, sensing the shift in your mood. “What?” he murmured, voice soft.

You shook your head, burying your face into his chest. “Nothing,” you mumbled. “Just love you.”

His hold on you tightened instantly.

“Love you more,” he whispered, pressing the softest, most lingering kiss to your forehead. “Most ardently.”

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[all2angels]

BURIED MYSELF ALIVE | basement!gerard x reader

warnings: this is kinda intense don't read if sensitive, NSFW!!, exaggerated writing, kinda cringe but it's meant to be like that, gerard is sooo gross and pathetic, i've never written a bj scene before please be kind 🙏 probably a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes because i could not bring myself to proofread im sorry

this was the last place you wanted to be in, like, this was genuinely a fucking hellhole.

when you walked in, the smell was almost rancid. his room was filled with trash, half-eaten chips, mountains of unwashed laundry, socks that had something in it that you didn't want to think about.

he offered for you to sit on his bed, you didn't want to, but it seemed like a better option than the floor, so you sat on the edge of bed.

you hated yourself for having the slightest bit of empathy, then maybe you wouldn't be in this place. gerard had asked you if you wanted to watch a horror movie at his place after you bonded over the topic one day, and you said yes, but have been putting it off for about three weeks.

all of your friends told you to cancel on it, they said that gerard wss a gross pervert freak and that you wouldn't want anything to do with him, but whenever he'd asked you if you still wanted to watch a movie with him he'd look so pathetic and desperate, you didn't have the heart to say no. but you wished you declined it.

gerard was walking all over the place, with a panicked look and rummaging through his stuff. you thought he was probably looking for the cd that had the movie. you wondered how he could find anything in this place. while he was looking, you looked over at his bedside table, seeing dirty magazines. you let out a scoff. couldn't he have at least hidden those before i came over?

"please don't be mad.." he says, his voice filled with guilt, "i know you've- we've waited for weeks, but i can't find my CDs." he takes a seat next to you, and you hold your breath. he stared at you, you didn't know what to do or say, he was just staring awkwardly.

"it's... fine? i guess..." you said, unsettled by the way he looked at you. you swear that he almost leaned in, and you were trying to prevent anything like that from happening. his eyes was filled with infatuation, and yours was filled with absolute disgust. the way he looked at you made you feel dirty. he was so fucking pathetic, but it was kinda hot how much he seemed to like you, how much he seemed like he wanted to please you.

you turned away from him out of pure embarrassment that you thought in the slightest bit that gerard 'pervert' way was attractive or hot, but you couldn't help it. you decided that the only way to stop these thoughts was to get the fuck away from here.

"hey, i should go..." you spoke up, standing up from the spot in his bed you were sitting in. you waited for him to say something, but he just looked at you and frowned. he looked like he was about to cry. jesus fucking christ you could throw up right now.

"gerard...? are you okay?" you sigh, sitting back down. you couldn't leave him like this. you hesitate, but you put your hand on his back, comforting him. you didn't want to ask, you wanted to get out, "what's wrong?" you say through gritted teeth.

"i'm really lonely, y/n, please don't go." he rests his head on your shoulder. he starts to ramble on about something, and you tune out his voice. the more he talked, the more you started to be impatient.

"you're so fucking pathetic..." you said. out loud. fuck. your eyes widened, realizing that he had heard it. he lifted his head, but the had his gross hand on your thigh. you were going to apologize, but the way that he looked shocked made you want to rage.

"are you serious?" you snap, he looks confused and hurt. "you couldn't possibly think you had a chance, c'mon dude. you're so- i mean, you're a freak."

"i jus', uhm, i-i like you—" before he could even finish his sentence you laughed at him. no fucking way. you turned to him again, and seeing his eyes, you knew he was genuine. his eyes were red from crying, and his cheeks flushed.

"you're so fucking pathetic, gerard. shouldn't come across as a surprise, i don't like you back." you say, standing up to leave, but before you can he reaches for your hand. his hand was calloused, it was rough.

"please-" he begs, "please, listen— i promise you..." he doesn't know what to say, but he wants you to stay so bad. "I'll do anything for you. I'll do anything."

"no! stop it, okay? i. don't. like. you. get that shit through your head. i don't even want to be your friend, okay, you-" he cuts you off this time with a kiss. he tastes horrible, but you don't stop it. fuck it, you think. you liked the kiss.

he breaks the kiss, and you could feel his hard dick on your thigh, his face is close to yours. "give me a chance, please..." he says.

you sighed and pushed him onto his messy bed, making him sit on the end of the bed and going on your knees in front of him. you start to unbuckle his belt, then you undo his zipper. you could hear him whimper. you take out his dick, a little part of you at least expected him to have a big dick, but he doesn't. the size was fine, not like it was too small. it wasn't trimmed, and the smell was somehow stronger than other dude's dicks. you try not to think about it too much and hold your breath.

you tease the tip, licking off the precum which tastes sweet and bitter. you swirled your tongue around his tip, and feel him twitch. "fuck..." he moans. you feel his hands on your hair, petting you softly, it felt awkward though, you just brushed past it.

you give his dick a few pumps, hearing him beg for you hurry up. you spit on your hand, messily spreading it on his shaft before you part your lips to take him into your mouth. you look up at him, see his eyes closed, and head back. you kept on moving up and down, he let out a loud groan.

you continued bobbing your head up and down, you teased his balls. he made such pretty noises when you did that.

you kept your pace steady until you started to feel his dick twitch in your mouth, you began to quicken your speed until he eventually released his load in your mouth, it spread to your face and chest, and whatever was left in your mouth you swallowed.

he dropped onto his bed, panting heavily. you cleaned yourself up with a cloth you hoped was clean on his bed. it was probably filled with cum anyway.

you sat next to him. his dick was still out.

"c-can we do that again?" he tiredly asked, looking over to you.you sighed heavily. "i guess so, whatever. just don't tell anyone." you warned, rolling your eyes. welp

[uriekukistan]

alright i've been seeing so much megumi hate recently, and especially after the new chapter (not on here, mostly twitter youtube and tiktok), so as president of the megumi defense squad, here is my dissertation defending him against the bum allegations.

i've seen a lot of people comparing megumi's situation to yuuji in shibuya, and saying that megumi should be able to "just get up and keep fighting," so i'm going to tell you why this is not a fair comparison, and give some context on yuuji's "recovery" from shibuya that i feel people are missing when they say this. this is quite lengthy, sorry in advance

i. fundamental differences in the ways in which yuuji & megumi view saving people

yuuji wants to save everyone. he wants to save as many people as he can because of what his grandfather said to him on his deathbed. this is what kickstarted the events of jjk. if yuuji hadn't felt this way, he never would have eaten that finger to say some guy he met an hour ago, which is another point. yuuji cares for people easily. he threw his life on the line to save megumi immediately after meeting him. he mourned junpei, who he spent all of a few hours with in total like he had known him for years.

this is very different from megumi, who both does not get attached to people easily, and does not care to save everyone. he only cares to save people he deems worthy, and as far as we know, this list consists of only tsumiki and yuuji. its even unclear if he feels this way about nobara or gojo, despite them also being relatively important in his life. as you can see, when he thinks about saving people by his conscience, the only two characters shown are tsumiki and yuuji.

this is why he sometimes gets some criticism for not doing a half-assed job as a sorcerer, but i think its important to remember that he does not actually want to be a sorcerer, only doing it out of necessity to keep tsumiki from the zen'in clan. the times where we do see him taking things seriously are when yuuji and/or tsumiki's lives are what's at stake.

so in shibuya, after watching his own hands slaughter innocent people, and watching nanami and nobara die, yuuji is able to keep going because there are still more people who need to be saved, and he wants to save everyone. in contrast, megumi has watched his own hands kill one of the two people that he cares about saving, and severely maim the other one, so what is there to keep fighting for, given the way he views the world?

and i think it's also important to note that megumi has not been aware of his surroundings since sukuna v yorozu, so saying that he should get up now to save yuuji is not reasonable because he doesn't even know yuuji is there.

ii. the environment yuuji was in in shibuya vs the environment megumi is in right now

now none of that is to say that yuuji did not also break down and want to give up in shibuya, because he absolutely did (actually, im not sure if this is canon or just my theory, but the reason he did not switch back with sukuna at the detention center was because he wanted to give up), but the circumstances were way different

within minutes of watching nanami and nobara die, todo & nitta were there to encourage him and get him back on his feet (most of that was due to todo, but nitta was also telling yuuji not to lose hope).

meanwhile, megumi has been alone for over a month now, save the few seconds in 251 where i'm pretty sure he didn't even know yuuji was there, with nothing but his own misery to keep him company. sukuna took over his body and killed tsumiki with megumi's technique on november 16th. the shinjuku showdown takes place on december 24th. that's over a month stewing in guilt and mourning with no one to support him at all. that makes it a lot more difficult to bounce back quickly like that.

iii. more context on yuuji

even after todo's little pep talk that gave him the strength to get up and finish mahito off, yuuji didn't just "bounce back" and stand up to keep fighting in the way people think he did. in the days following the shibuya incident, he was really directionless, probably a bit reckless, because he genuinely didn't know what to do with himself, and didn't know if he even deserved to be alive. in my personal interpretation of yuuji immediately post-shibuya, if it weren't for choso, he would have likely lost his life, as he just showed a lack of self-regard in those days following. just one example:

it's not until megumi shows up again that yuuji finds a direction to go, and even then, he's operating with the mindset that once everything is over, megumi and tsumiki are safe, and gojo is unsealed, he will die and stop causing trouble for everyone.

so again, i think the megumi/yuuji comparison as a way to hate on megumi is not fair, both because there are important differences in the way they think and their situations, and because yuuji's reaction post shibuya isn't quite as resolved and strong as people make it out to be. this is not to say that yuuji is not strong! he absolutely is, just to point out that he, like megumi, was/is also lacking the will to live, and there's nothing wrong with that! wanting to give up is a completely reasonable reaction to being in this situation as an ADULT, let alone at 15 years old.

if you've made it this far, thank you for listening to me ramble 🙏 pls let me know any of your thoughts as well, i'd love to chat about this!

[mizutenshii]

I'M IN LOVE WITH A KILLER.

— pairing ; kaneki ken x human!gn!reader

— summary ; you knew he had to kill and eat humans in order to survive, but seeing the actual traces of the act hits different.

— cw ; mentions of blood and human consumption, pinch of angst, fluff and some comfort if you squint, est. relationship

the dark stains on his white t-shirt provided you with enough information to figure out what kaneki had been up to before you found him in a dark alley. the knowledge was such a stark contrast with how he was currently looking up at you with innocent eyes, but you knew better; he just got back from a food hunt.

your stomach churned with nausea as you looked at the boy in front of you, and your thoughts were a battlefield currently. you knew he ate humans regularly, but this was the first time you actually saw traces from the act, making you realize how real it was. kaneki had just killed and eaten a human that was likely to be innocent, and the thought was absolutely sickening to you. someone's life just ended in one of the most horrid ways possible, and the cause of it was right in front of you. it made you want to run away and throw up.

but then there was your rational side, knowing that the boy had no other choice if he wanted to stay alive. you also knew like no other how much kaneki hated eating humans, and how much he despised himself for having to do it time after time again. you were there when he forced himself to eat human food over and over again, shoving it in until he passed out because his body got too weak. you were there when he almost literally starved himself because the guilt of eating humans became too much for him to live with. you were there every time kaneki broke down because he hated being a ghoul.

it was all so double, the mixed feelings that fought for dominance almost dizzying you. but there was one thing you knew for sure; you didn't want to lose kaneki, and in order to do so, you had to live with the fact that he ate humans. 

kaneki's expression had grown anxious while the long silence dragged on, and you quickly set all your worries aside. you slowly sank to the ground and took a seat next to him, leaning against him more than you leaned against the wall.

"does the blood scare you?" the boy asked, his tone cautious and laced with the same fear that was present on his features.

you entertained the thought for a moment; did it scare you? quickly after, you resolutely shook your head. you weren't scared, it was better to be described as shocked. knowing and seeing were two different things, and while you were used to bearing knowledge of his diet, seeing him covered in blood made you awfully aware of his dinner.

"you seem disgusted," kaneki pointed out as you remained silent, to which you nodded.

"i am," you confessed. "i've always thought i was okay with it, but finding you like this is a hard pill to swallow. it goes against everything i'm supposed to stand for."

"i'm so–" the ghoul began, but you cut him off.

"don't apologize," you hushed. "you just want to live, like everyone else on this planet. you're only doing what you have to do in order to survive. you would die if you didn't hunt, and i don't want to lose you."

you snuggled a little closer to him, getting as comfortable as possible on the pavement in the forsaken alley. in response, he wrapped an arm around you. you were torn between two sides, like you always were ever since you met kaneki.

you were raised to hate ghouls, just like every human being on this planet. kaneki was the enemy of mankind, you were supposed to despise him, report him to the CCG as soon as you got the chance. yet, here you were, allowing the line between hunter and prey to blur, getting close and falling in love with a killer.

finding your lover covered in blood left you in shock. your thoughts were a whirlwind and you were still trying not to throw up right there in that bystreet. but you promised him that you accepted him, completely abandoning your healthy human morals. you were a traitor, you realized once more.

"i love you," you muttered, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath to calm yourself. you buried your face in the crook of his neck, deftly ignoring the stains that were so painfully visible even in the dark.

it wasn't a lie, and you weren't trying to convince yourself. you really did love him, and you just wanted to let him know that finding him covered in blood didn't change anything.

"i love you, too," kaneki replied, relief dripping from his tone. he held you a little closer, as if he was afraid that you'd change your mind and run away from him.

mizutenshii — 3O.O9.2O23 — masterlist

frankly, maybe there was a part of you that wished to do so – the final strands of human sanity that lingered. but you didn't listen, abandoning your rationality and staying by his side.

[sketchehm]

Full of woe. Had this half written and then accidently hit post again and just deleted it out of panic LMAO oops (so sorry @blueinkphantom )

BUT!! Everyone makes it back home :D!

You are 100% right in it....being a struggle to get back to how things used to be :(

I had a lot of Sapnap Angst:tm: rolling around in my noggin that I did completely overlook that Dream is also /still/ in recovery pfft

I can imagine Dream still isn't eating or sleeping well because he's constantly worried about Sapnap...Dream wants to mother hen him but Sapnap keeps his distance and wants to be Alone, is extremely detached from everyone... He keeps disappearing in this giant house and giving everyone a panic...he's always found in some isolated room...(More often than not he's actually in the basement, curled up in a corner...)

It really is a big adjustment for everyone. Trying to get Dream back to better health without pushing him and also trying to get Sapnap back from his doom spiral TwT

It's a very stressed George trying to help both of his boys, lucky he has a lot of help though :) It's half of them crowding over Dream and the other half trying very carefully to show Sapnap they truly love him TwT

Though....I can imagine them herding Sapnap to go eat in the kitchen(stop taking his food and eating on his own!!!) only to encounter Dream there with George. Dream is sat at the table they have there with a plate full of food. Sapnap can overhear George telling Dream he doesn't need to eat it all, just to take it slow. (Guilt fills Sapnap...)

Sapnap is sat across from Dream with his own plate of food, also not feeling up to eating....uncomfortable...George and the other guys will start chatting and discussing random things, the voices makes him nervous...(one of them could snap at him surely....there's so many of them they surely will catch him doing something wrong....)

"Hey Sapnap..." it's soft and kind, gentle....Sapnap will look up and meet Dream's eyes, (Q didn't like him doing that all too much...it depended but he didnt know what it depended on....it was....confusing...) and he'll see the eyebags and absolute exhaustion all over his face, yet his eyes aren't angry or upset at him...Dream is smiling at him...(dream shouldnt...he became so unwell because of him...)

"Let's eat together, yea?" Sapnap will nod, he can do that (hasn't eaten with someone in so long feels like, even before he came back...)

Sapnap will match each spoonful that Dream eats. Wanting to be good, wanting to make Dream happy. And before he knows it, he's eaten everything. He's very proud and happy and will look at Dream, and Dream is smiling at him telling him he's happy they ate together :) Sapnap feels warmth.

Until. Sapnap sees Dream go pale and start to sway.

Dream is vomiting on the floor.

The guys are all chaotic, George is at Dream's side telling him he went overboard /again/...the guys are all helping Dream, trying to clean him up and the floor, getting him to rinse out his mouth and drink some water. Dream is faint and will vomit again unfortunately. George and some of the other guys will leave, leading Dream out and getting him somewhere to rest. The rest are cleaning the kitchen up and talking amongst themselves, their attitudes somber...

Sapnap. Remains sitting at the table, looking at his empty plate. He's so dumb and stupid. Being selfish again....needing Dream and his kindness just to get Sapnap to eat...he shouldn't need Dream for that, should've just ignored him...(but that'd be bad too...there's no right answer...)

The warmth he felt long gone...guilt and emptiness and his ever spiraling thoughts are all that accompany him...

He jumps and is snapped out of it when someone takes away his empty plate.

"I'm glad you ate with us Sapnap" its George. He came back.

He'll kiss Sapnap on the top of his head and take his plate to the sink to wash later. George will return to Sapnap and take his hands, getting him to stand up and soon follow him.

And Sapnap won't pull away. As much as he tells himself over and over he shouldn't be so greedy, should keep away so he can't be bad....he can't ever bring himself to refuse any type of affection given to him. Craves it much more intensely than before(Q doing serious damage to his psyche and self worth...was never really a comfort to him....not that Sapnap has recognized that yet...)

They'll end up in the room Dream was taken too.

Sapnap feeling his guilt growing and growing seeing Dream in bed....it's not until he realizes half the guys are trying to keep down and it's Dream complaining he's fine and to let him up!!!

"I figure you can calm him down and get him to rest" George will lean over and whisper it to Sapnap. He says it with a smile, relaxed, like nothing has ever changed....

"Sapniii!!! Ayuda!!!!" The guys have spotted him and are calling him over, whining to tell Dream he has to take a nap TwT!!!

Sapnap feels so undeserving. No one treating him differently, like he hasn't done anything bad, like he hasn't made all of the go through so much trying to get him back, like he hasn't caused so much trouble. And it's Q's words still rattling in his brain how selfish he's being, how he shouldn't be allowed any of this....

"Sapnap?"

Dream always sounds worried. He doesn't want Dream to worry anymore...Sapnap wants everyone happy too....

George will continue to bring Sapnap to Dream. And Sapnap will crawl and get cozy next to Dream. Hugging him tight. (Dream holding him just as tight) Missing him so so much. George will join and then soon the other guys....

His mind and thoughts still won't shut up, but....little by little he'll slowly accept the warmth and love again....

It really is all of them treating Sapnap like they did before for the most part. Because that was them truly loving Sapnap to the fullest then too, there was just a lot of assumptions that Sapnap was fine with the evolving situation of Dream and George joining Team Mafia

Dream and George will ask Sapnap more about his thoughts and why he came to certain conclusions, never judging, only wanting to learn how to not make that mistake again. But it'll take a while before they can get to that point as well. Sapnap is...skittish. And shuts down everytime these kind of topics come up, his anxiety is through the roof as well and happens sporadically. Sometimes he'll be at the edge of an anxiety attack and other times he seems to shut down completely...it's hard to navigate and a very long journey to figure out this kind of..."new" Sapnap. It's gonna be a long trek for Team Mafia to get their loud and brash prized attack dog back TwT

Though they don't love him any less with how he is now. (Another of Sapnap’s worries). They all still try to kiss and cuddle him as much as they can(sometimes Sapnap gets real panicked thinking they're faking when it gets too much TwT) but they still show him how much they truly care and say they love Sapnap so so much

It's just a matter of Sapnap being able to realize what they're saying is true...

For dark alternate timeline!!!

Where Dream gives himself up to Q and he decides yea, you know, I'll take this trade! It very much is Torture Arc:tm:

I think Sapnap would be in so much worse shape and also actively trying to go back to Q (if he stays with Q everyone will be safe, no one will die, that's what Q said...it's cause they took him away that's why this is happening...its his fault, his fault hisfaulthisfaulthisfault)

I think Q would want to further torment Sapnap even when he has Dream (he knew sapnap wasnt choosing him when he said he woukd stay, he was choosing dream to be safe and it pissed him off(quackity felt hurt, knowing he would never be the first choice))....he'll send very non-descript package with Sapnap's name on it. The guys looking as Sapnap slowly opens it, very nervous by all the attention on him.

And it's Dream's ring finger inside it. With the wedding band still on it.

Sapnap will scream.

[void-wolfie]

We Had Matching Wounds. Mine's Still Black and Bruised.

summary: Jenna's still grieving after you walk out on her, but you've already moved on.

pairing: Jenna Ortega x gn!Reader

tw: angst, maybe depression(?)... not exactly sure, let me know if I need to add something

words: 960

a/n: thanks to the anon who suggested The Exit by Conan Gray... wrote this pretty late at night so it might be trash who knows lol

Jenna's apartment was a mess; clothes splayed across every surface, dirty dishes stacked a mile high, and a pile of laundry that hadn't been done in weeks. All in all, it was safe to say she wasn't ok, not by a long shot.

She had barricaded herself in her room long ago. Refusing to move unless it was absolutely necessary, which wasn't often. She'd drowned herself in one of your oversized hoodies and a nest of blankets. If she wasn't asleep or crying, she was staring blankly at the ceiling or mindlessly scrolling through her phone.

A notification popped up across her phone. She stared at the headline, thinking about clicking on it. The dull numbness that’d consumed her days gave way to heartache the longer she stared.

Y/N and pop singer Olivia Rodrigo officially confirm their relationship!

She was finally at a place where she wasn't gnawed away by guilt and heartache every second of the day, a sort of depressive numbness settling in. But she knew seeing you with a new girlfriend would crush her, making the reality of your breakup all too real, all the more final. But at the same time, curiosity was eating away at her. The hope that maybe it was clickbait or fake news was naively tugging at the back of her mind.

Against her better judgment, she clicked on the article.

Everyone says a picture is worth a thousand words. A thousand words wouldn't begin to cover the extent of pain Jenna was feeling.

There at the front of the article was a screenshot from your Instagram. A post of you and Olivia kissing, with the caption; Happy three months, love &lt;;3.

She felt sick to her stomach. She probably would've puked on the spot had she actually eaten anything in the past two days.

Three months. Those words shattered her already fragile heart.

Three months... The two of you broke up only four months ago.

She could still remember the night it all went wrong, like a broken record stuck on repeat.

"y/n?" She called out, setting her stuff down on the kitchen table.

It was a miserable day, it'd been raining all day and thunder could be heard in the distance. The run from her car to the front door left her soaked from the cold rain.

"y/n?" She called out again, only to get no response.

She padded into your shared bedroom, her hair leaving tiny water drops across the tile floor as she shivered in her wet clothes.

She stopped in her tracks. There was a suitcase on the bed full of your stuff, and you were packing more in.

"What's going on?"

"I'm leaving." You didn't spare her a glance, you knew if you did you'd only be inclined to stay. Those big brown eyes of hers would always be your weakness.

"Leaving?" You weren't leaving her, were you? Sure your relationship had been on the rocks as of late, countless arguments and nights spent yelling. But had it really gotten this bad?

"I can't do this anymore, Jenna."

"Do what?"

"This. Us." You closed the suitcase, zipping it up, still refusing to look at her, "The arguing, the late nights coming home, always feeling like your second choice. I just can't do it anymore."

You finally looked at her, seeing tears streaming down her freckled face. It broke your heart, but you had to protect yourself. Even if that meant breaking her.

"Do you even know what it feels like Jenna? To feel like your second choice? You come home late every other night, you're gone for months at a time, and you lie about who you're with and where you go. Do you even remember the last time you said ‘I love you’?"

"I..." She wanted to refute everything you'd said, but she couldn't. She couldn't remember the last time you had a movie night together or even ate dinner at the same table. She couldn't remember the last time she said those three words.

You had tears of your own streaming down your face, "3 months ago. You haven’t said it in three months."

Jenna was in a stupor. Her whole world was crumbling before her, and she was lost on how to fix it.

How had you moved on so quickly? It felt like only yesterday she was so deep in love, falling into a black hole of bliss with only you on her mind. She thought you felt the same, and maybe you did. But you'd already replaced her. With one of her friends, no less.

Jenna skipped reading the article. She didn't want some reporter's half-assed observations and opinions on your dating life. They didn't know you, and she could care less about their opinion.

She clicked over to Instagram, despite her shaking hands and teary eyes, and tortured herself with your latest post.

You looked happy. There were all kinds of pictures of you and Olivia together. Pictures of you two dancing in the rain, swimming at the lake, even one at that club she never had the time to take you to. Not to mention the abundance of candid photos fans had tagged the two of you in. Pictures of the two of you kissing, the two of you visiting that little ice cream shop by the beach, some at that little cafe by your house that had your favorite coffee.

To say it was agony was an understatement. There weren't words for her pain. She could never effectively describe the heartache that left her crying for hours on end, breathless and shaky from the exertion.

It hurt knowing she carved out her own heart for you and in the end, her downfall was her own doing.

You already found someone to miss, while I'm still standin' at the exit.

[thewailingbells]

I sent an ask a while ago but maybe it got eaten by Tumblr? I'll just resend it!

Can I request some headcanons for Max and Bubba with a survivor S/O that's super clumsy and oblivious so he constantly gets hurt? I'm constantly running face-first into chainsaws whenever I go against them and it makes me feel so stupid because I have like 500+ hours in DBD 😭

AN: Thank you for being so patient. I think Tumblr ate the request, but here it is now!

Max and Bubba With a Clumsy Survivor

Max Thompson Jr.

Max is very clumsy as well. Due to his deformations, he often has trouble seeing and walking.

When he sees how oblivious you are during trials his heart swells. You’re so innocent and naïve. He hates even the thought of hurting you.

Max is very fast but when you are in a trial with him he tries his best to slow down. He will also rev up his chainsaw and stay still for a few moments to try to give you a chance to hear the saw and hide.

If Max is chasing you and you fall down, he will immediately stop and check on you. He’ll gently hold you and mumble out apologizes.

You remind him of himself with how clumsy you are, and that makes him so sad. He feels the need to protect you. He knows how difficult it is to be clumsy, and seeing you receive all those injuries makes him feel horrible.

If you run into Max while he is running with his chainsaw, he will immediately pull the weapon out of your body. He will be upset at you and himself. Why were you here? Didn’t you hear the chainsaw? It doesn’t matter, you won’t be hit by Max for the rest of the trial. The guilt of sawing you (even just a little bit) is too much for him to bear.

Bubba Sawyer

Your clumsiness makes him so worried! Bubba is a natural born caretaker, so the second he sees you trip over thin air, his mother instincts kick in.

After a long day, Bubba always comes to check on you. He gently grabs your arms and legs to check them over for bruises or cuts. While it is a bit invasive, he means well.

When he realizes he is in a trial with you, he immediately panics. Despite his job being to kill survivors, he’ll actually look out for you. If he sees you running over a plank that is about to fall, he will squeal and pull you back. He often forgets that he is the danger and instead stresses out about things like tiny rocks and unsafe buildings that the Entity created.

Bubba is an absolutely softie. If he were to ever accidentally cut you with his chainsaw, he would immediately start crying. He would hold you close and cry for the rest of the trial. Bubba doesn’t know how he’s going to live with himself after hurting you.

He loves you so much and wants you to be safe and happy more than anything.

[nebulaicnova]

The Main Dish ♡

Solomon x GN!Reader

WC: 1168

Probably shouldn't have watched that cannibal movie before sharing a room with someone that can't cook.

Spicy SFW: make out session and Removal Of Clothing™ but nothing explicit. "Y/n" is used exactly once.

A/N: i wrote this fic absolutely blasted last may. little to no editing. this is based on Solomon's first UR+ card in nightbringer. (the only ur+ card i got because the gacha SSSUCKS) so yay. enjoy! or don't. i can't control you.

"Y/n! Hey!"

After what felt like an eternity, your eyes flew open as a bead of sweat ran down your forehead, tears welling up in the corners of your eyes. There stood Solomon, he looked at you with a worried expression.

"Thank goodness you're awake!" His eyes relaxed, a small frown covering his face. You could feel your heart racing uncontrollably as your arms shook under you. You blinked a few times before snapping out of your anxiety induced state.

You took a moment to get a grip of your surroundings. You were laying on the guest bed in Solomon's room while he knelt to the side of it. "I was very worried about you. You were moaning in your sleep."

You took a deep breath to calm yourself, still unable to form a coherent sentence. "You look pale as well. Did you have an odd dream?"

Gulping back the lump forming in your throat, you muttered out a response.

"You- There was- I was the main course for breakfast." You bit down on your bottom lip as you recalled the nightmare you had just come out of. Solomon brandishing a large butcher knife, examining you with gluttonous eyes.

He stood up, straightening out his posture. "You mean, you got eaten for breakfast? That sounds horrific." His voice was laced with guilt, and you can see him gently chew on the inside of his cheek. Something rare for you to see out of the sorcerer.

"We shouldn't have watched a movie about cannibalism right before bed. I'm sorry for making you watch that." His eyebrows furrowed in thought. After about a minute of silence, his eyes lit up.

He motioned towards his bed on the opposite side of the room. "It's still midnight, would joining me make you feel any better?" He asked. Though you were still VERY shaken up, you couldn’t help but admire the care in his voice. It was very rare to see such unfiltered emotion from him.

Just, hopefully he wouldn’t try to cook you.

You stood up with no reply and immediately slipped into his bed. With the oaken bookshelf to your right, and him to your left, the squeeze made it nearly impossible to shift around comfortably.

"Ah, I figured this was gonna be a tight squeeze."

You hummed softly before grabbing his arm and shuffling yourself into his chest. He paused, before you could see that stupid smirk he always wears reappear on his face. There was a bit more room now that the two of you were snug together.

You felt him let out a deep sigh, moving his arm up your back and to your head, where he gently ran his hand through your hair. Your tension dropped as you felt his hand begin to massage your scalp with a feathery touch. He chuckled.

"I think we should've done this from the beginning," he murmured, burying his face into the nape of your neck. His breath was warm against your collarbone, and became nearly unbearable with the large blanket over top of both of you.

He adjusted his head to look up at you and meet your eyes. "I'm sorry, love. Is there anything I can do to put you a little more at ease?"

Gently, you tightened your wrap around his figure, your mind wandering to anything that would ease you. A small smirk lit up your face.

"I want you to kiss me."

His face went beet red, his ocean blue eyes averting your gaze as much as possible. After a moment of flustered silence, he finally spit out a reply.

"You're very forthright today."

In an instant, he seemed to completely regain his composure as he grabbed the collar of your shirt and gently pressed his lips on your own. Silently, you thanked yourself for wearing the lip gloss you know he liked. (Even though ‘devilish apple’ wasn’t really your cup of tea.)

He tasted like the human world peach tea you know he loved, and you could feel his smirk against your lips. His heart was beating much quicker than it was a few seconds ago, though his face had returned to its normal pale color.

"You're adorable when you're flustered, you know that," you teased. He snorted softly in response.

"It's your fault for making such a cute request."

You two layed there for a minute more before you leaned back in for another kiss. This time, it became much more passionate. You grabbed the back of his head and gently tugged on his hair, making it just that much more intense.

In what felt like seconds, his tongue was roaming your mouth like you were the last thing on Earth to eat. He pulled away, a long string of saliva connecting your mouths.

He was absolutely gorgeous. His usual prim and proper snow white hair was tossed around in uneven parts, his bruised lips slightly parted as he's panting for air. The greatest sorcerer in the world was putty in your hands.

Solomon was almost completely lost. "We shouldn't, I don't think I'll be able to hold back if we keep going," he stuttered out. His chest heaved up and down as he tried to collect himself.

Quickly, you shifted position so you were leaning over him. Panting as well, you took one of your hands and began to run it along his stomach, slipping it under his shirt. He made some kind of noise akin to a whimper. "Don't hold back tonight."

Immediately, something snapped. The glimmer in his eyes seemed to disappear as his pupils clouded over completely. "Fuck…" he muttered under his breath. "…you'd better come up with an excuse to stay home tomorrow.”

Your face heated up as he dove back down and continued your heated make out session, beginning to run his hands up your night shirt, tracing every inch of your warm skin with his fingertips. Goosebumps crept up from your torso, his hands unfamiliar to your body.

Unknowingly, your hands began to roam on their own as well. You grasped onto his hair with one hand and desperately grabbed onto his defined abs with the other. The room was silent aside from the sound of your mouths together and the small moans and gasps you both elicited.

The way that he looked at you reminded you of his dream counterpart. A look of hunger, craving, desire. He pulled away from you and leaned down to start nipping and suckling onto your collarbone. His lips felt like a sweet melody, a blend of both pain and pleasure.

He used one arm to hold himself up, clenching the sheets. He used his other hand to fiddle with his belt buckle, and if he had any less patience you think he would've simply ripped off his trousers. You could see the large outline in his boxers before he rushed to strip you of what little clothes you had on.

It was about to be a very long night.

[heylittleriotact]

Snippet-Sunday (but on Monday)

Tagged by @xxnashiraxx - thank you!! ❤️

I am tagging @allofthebarks (because I'm going to continue to annoy you into feeding me) and anyone who reads this and wants to do the thing!

I'm currently working on a one shot all about the first time Varric meets my Mourn Watch Rook, Amina Ingellvar. She's been encouraged by the powers-that-be at the Necropolis to take some time off and see the world, so naturally that means she's working in the Free Marches because all she knows is death and spirits.

First Call:

The initial contact with a funeral home when a passing has occurred to arrange the transfer of the body from the place of death. 

He got it: it wasn’t every day the Viscount of Kirkwall strolled into their sleepy little inn, but did they all have to rise deferentially? 

“No need to roll out the red carpet on my account.” He adjusted Bianca’s strap on his shoulder, making his way through the room of standing people. “Just passing through for a drink and a ghost story.”

The patrons of the inn exchanged wary glances, but one by one they all sunk back down to their seats and resumed their conversations - though the odd look of curiosity was thrown his way now and then. 

Heaving a sigh, Varric made his way to the bar and helped himself to a seat. Only one other person sat at the bar: a tall, gangly elf with a bare face and a mop of messy black curls, had to be in his mid-thirties. A chipped wine glass sat in front of him, along with a nearly empty bottle of wine that Varric knew was an expensive vintage. 

He was the only person in the inn that hadn’t stood up. 

Interesting. 

Varric ordered a whiskey - neat - from the innkeep and slipped Bianca over his head, leaning her against the bar at his feet, in reach should he need her. 

“What business brings you to Wrenwith, Master Tethras?” The innkeep - a stout older man with a ginger moustache and little other hair - asked, sliding the measure of whiskey over the wood to Varric. 

Varric brought the short glass to his nose and inhaled - yup: paint-thinner… just the way he liked it. He was grateful that at least the innkeep hadn’t insisted on dusting off something expensive and fancy just for him. 

He took a sip and hummed at the familiar burn on the way down; the warmth that spread in its wake. “You thought I was kidding about the ghost story, didn’t you?” He chuckled and arched a brow when the innkeep visibly paled. “I know, I know: why would the Viscount of Kirkwall personally drag his famously lazy ass here in person just to stick his nose into a bit of trouble with the undead?” 

“If it pleases Your Grace to know: we’ve already got somebody looking after it.” The innkeep babbled. “No need to burden the city coffers with our humble problems.” 

He was nervous - didn’t want to say too much. Wanted him to finish his drink and hit the road. 

“That’s the reason I’m here: I caught word that this ‘someone’ is none other than a Nevarran Mortalitasi - one of their Mourn Watchers, in fact.”

He was absolutely making this guy squirm for the hell of it… just a little. It only stood to reason that hiring a professional who belonged to a mysterious and ancient order of people who liked to play with dead people and spirits might be frowned upon by Kirkwall’s authority. 

The innkeep swallowed hard, the guilt on his face suggesting that he may as well have been the one to hire the Watcher. He wasn’t: the village would have pooled together their gold for this. “She said she could kill it, Your Grace. Permanently. No funny business or anything!”

The elf a few seats down, silent until now, snorted into his cup of wine. “Nothing ‘funny’ about that one, I’m afraid.” Emerald green eyes flicked up to the innkeep and a smarmy grin spread over his handsome face. “I was here when she came in: got a face like hewn granite and the disposition to match.” He turned on his stool to face Varric, still looking rather like the cat that had eaten the canary. “Doubt she’ll take kindly to you trying to run her off her work - even if you are Viscount.” His eyes roamed up and down over Varric with a haughty scrutiny that reminded him so much of Chuckles he was tempted to yank on his hair and see if it was a wig. 

“That fearsome, is she?” Varric probed. “I heard she was a Reaper. Can’t say I’ve ever met one, but I have heard that they take their authority over the dead pretty seriously.” 

“I wouldn’t want to piss her off.” The elf smirked and downed the rest of his wine, refilling his glass with the dregs of the bottle and tapping it with a fingernail to indicate to the innkeep that he’d like another. 

“You’ve… you’ve been in here all day, ser, d’you really need another whole bottle?” 

If it was true and the elf had been drinking all day, he looked pretty damn sober to Varric’s eyes. 

The elf adjusted the lapels of his road-worn leather topcoat and re-arranged his lanky legs under him. “I’m on vacation,” he drawled. “I think I deserve to indulge a little, aye?” 

“Holiday, huh?” Varric swirled his whiskey. “Whereabouts are you from?”

There was an unexpected coolness in his eyes and a tightness to his smile when the elf answered, “Nowhere.” 

Varric shook his head and turned back to the innkeep. “Listen, I came here to talk to our macabre friend: can you tell me where I might find her?” 

The innkeep nodded once, “Cemetery, Your Grace: end of the lane, take a right. Can’t miss it, can you? But… are you sure you wouldn’t rather wait? It’s nearly midnight, and the… being... she hunts is vicious.” 

Varric tossed back the rest of the whiskey and waved a hand. “Bah. I’ve blundered into worse things in my day than a pissed off spirit.” He slid a gold piece over the bar with two fingers. “That being said: I’d appreciate it if you had the bottle waiting for me when I’m back… I get the feeling I’m going to need a drink.” 

[tounderstandthesoul]

Chapter 14: Pure Pressure

With the situation in your hands, namely the escape from the Experiment CatNap Version, who is hot on your heels, you and DogDay must quickly find the others through the red smoke. DogDay has to carry you and the whole situation takes a toll not only on your physique but also on your mental health. And the other Smilling Critters slowly address the situation between you and DogDay, creating an even more unpleasant atmosphere.

---

The next chapter of the most adrenaline-depression-pain-love-and-hate story. I was away for a long time, not really a long time for everyone, but a long time for THIS story. However, I'm happy to deliver such an incredibly important chapter, because there really is far too much going on here at the same time. And this chapter is just as long as the old ones, because I simply owe it to you 🙌 Wc: 5.3 K Have fun reading, and feel free to leave kudos and comments!

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You have become careless.

Normally, this would never have happened to you if you had just died. Left behind in your cold, dark hole in the factory. A slow death from starvation mixed with the cold and the feeling of loneliness might not have been so bad.

Or the second option: let yourself be eaten by the other experiments. At first, of course, it sounds bad to be tied up, to have your limbs or other important parts of your body constantly eaten away. Days in a dark room, cold and helpless with the only warmth being your blood flowing from your wounds.

At least then you wouldn't be alone. Plagued by the souls of all those who lost their lives in the Hour of Joy... After all, you're not completely innocent. But what should you have done back then, after all the torture and the experiments carried out by the staff? Even if you had, the other experiments wouldn't have listened to you, and at best would have taken advantage of you.

All the souls you can see thanks to your ability, or rather curse. Some of them were small, others large, some strangely shaped and others an absolute copy of the soul, as well as the human being. But all of them were colored in contrast to yours, a color that showed the life energy of the persons and the will to do what they want.

You were often presented with animals during the experiments. Often small cats, because the people behind the glass, the scientists, knew that you had a preference for the little cute kittens. Or on other days, people with injuries that you were supposed to heal. The penalty for not making it was high, far too high for a child like you.

Souls were not for humans, that was often drummed into you in the past, and every day you spent in that abandoned, dark factory, you had to think about it, because they were right. The experiments do have a soul, but it has been corrupted for a long time.

Even human souls had a conscience level of depravity, as you call it. When you healed Sophie, or rather, transfigured her body back to her soul, you could see it. The soul was actually fine, except for a small spot of foulness that still stuck out, like a mistake in the past. And this tainted the whole soul, a feeling of guilt that showed a sort of sorrow.

But no matter how often you saw, touched and felt other souls, one thing was always the same: none of them were like yours. Yours looked different, had a different shape, a different color that it radiated and overall it was always present. When other people die, the soul usually disappears, which was apparently not the case with you.

How many times you were cut up by the people in the lab, beaten to death, raped, and on the verge of death. But it never got any further, no matter how many times your arms and legs just grew back, your bones sprouted out and you could feel the nerves again, all the blood that left your body and colored the medical white floor.

And where has all this led you?

Right here.

Completely surrounded by red smoke, critter voices screaming around you, and the tearing feeling in your stomach telling you to run.

DogDay's paw presses harder on your hand, making you feel your whole body, goose bumps, sweat running down your scarred forehead and your mind absolutely unable to follow the whole situation. The only thing you know is that CatNap is here: the experimental CatNap version, the prototype's servant. He would kill you, or worse, use you as an infinite food source.

You're sure that if DogDay didn't lead you through the red smoke, you'd already be slaughtered by CatNap.

"Come!" DogDay yells, though you can only see the back of her orange hoodie. The smoke smells burnt, the taste in your mouth slowly turning to something metallic, like blood.

Your eyes follow the ground as DogDay desperately but surely pulls you towards the others, who you can't see anyway. The blue and white cable, which you hadn't paid any attention to before, somehow seemed important. The large stone slabs and the small cracks were suddenly interesting. All the garbage cans reminded you of your hunger, which was slowly becoming too much.

"COME HERE! TO THE ELEVATOR!" A voice next to you calls out, DogDay wasting absolutely no time in answering. She turns to you briefly, staring at you for a moment, and you think about what kind of sight it is. A little boy, hair sticking to his forehead, dirty clothes and scars, on her hand.

Why doesn't she just leave me behind?

Such thoughts run through your mind, while DogDay doesn't seem to remember where the voice came from. She looks around nervously and panicked, but you can't see a thing thanks to the red smoke.

But then the deep stinging in your stomach hits you.

"HEY Y/N?! WHAT'S HAPPENING?" You only partially hear her voice, after all, your own rumbling stomach is suddenly too loud. You can no longer feel your own hand, nor DogDay's warm paw that she just held.

The pain hits you directly in your stomach, a dull ache that stretches from one side of your stomach to the other. The muscles in your stomach tighten as if your body is turning against you. Every breath causes a painful tugging sensation, and even the slightest movement intensifies the throbbing. It becomes difficult to breathe properly; the air feels shallow and your skin tingles with tension. You feel the coldness of the pain spreading in waves across your back and limbs, and the urge to curl up becomes overwhelming.

You can't stop the tears, right now when the situation is so bad and you have no idea whether you will survive all this, you start to cry. Lying on the floor like a small child, you cry and curl up because the feeling is literally killing you.

What is that feeling?

Lying on the floor right in front of DogDay, completely consumed by the red smoke, how embarrassing. But the pain doesn't stop, on the contrary, it gets worse and worse. Lying on the floor, you slowly feel the cramps finding their way through every single one of your limbs and settling in your legs.

"HEY Y/N?!" You can't even answer, neither look DogDay, who is standing over you, in the eye. It all hurts so much, has your time finally come? All the pain over the years, the experiments, have they finally made it possible for you to finally die?

Is that the end of me? Right in front of DogDay on the floor? Why now?

You've been before death so many times but never crossed the line, but now? You didn't want to die right now, on the ground in front of DogDay and about to be found by CatNap. You always imagined death differently, after all you had enough experience with it when you touched someone's soul.

You wanted to die, you've wished it so often, but something was different now, right now. You couldn't die now, not when you've come this far and found someone who cares about you and you care about them.

You hardly realize it, but suddenly you are no longer lying on the floor. You've been picked up by DogDay's big, strong arms, offering you the security you can't provide on your own. She has both arms under you, supporting you as she walks.

"I've got you." Says the angelic voice above you, causing you to finally open your eyes. Your vision is blurred, but she still burns herself into your mind. Her small smile, her white teeth and her orange eyes, which show you hope even in this hopeless situation.

You get hot, too hot. Her eyes looking down at you, the fact that you are so close to each other, and that your body was so incredibly warm through your clothes, triggers something in you. Blood rushes through your body as you look up at her: her skin and fur look so soft, her lips remind you of the kiss you had a few hours ago, and everything gets even worse.

Your throat and mouth are getting dry, and blood is going to places that it shouldn't. Oh shit, you were staring, you were staring a lot-you drunk in the site of her, as much as you could before you blinked again, tears blurring your vision. Why did she look so perfect right now, in that panic moment? You just couldn't take your eyes off her divine form.

"BACK HERE DOGDAY!" You barely pay attention, but the COLD air hitting your skin means you're moving. Despite you in her arms, DogDay is quick, moving flawlessly through the red smoke to find the voice.

She wasn't thinking about much at that moment, but if she was thinking about anything, it was you. Your helpless form, your shy and nervous behavior, and what Sophie told her, made everything even worse for her.

You needed help: physically and mentally. When you were hit by Kickin and ran away, the group kept going, even though it later became clear that CatNap was gone. This caused problems for DogDay at first, because CatNap acts unpredictably. She was sure that she had gone with you, but even that wasn't a good outcome for her.

While DogDay is just outside the elevator, where she also sees the other critters, she looks down at you. The sight of you, with tears in your eyes and helplessness, reminded her of you when you were brought back to them by Kickin and Hoppy after the incident, to the group. She remembered your bloody form, the distraught eyes and your posture, and it broke her.

How could a person, a spiritual child like you were, be in such a place?

This question surrounded her mind as she takes the last steps to the elevator. Her eyes still down on your form in her arms, she thinks about the kiss you shared a few hours ago.

By the time the Smilling Critters got here, and were stuck in jail, everyone except DogDay had already given up hope of ever coming back. It was a devil's circle when you thought about it, and none of the critters even remotely understood the situation.

Who would believe them? A world consisting of vast meadows, white clouds, a blue sky and an ever-shining sun was all they had ever known. And this was hell on earth for them all: A factory where experiments were carried out on humans to turn them into toys and monsters. And worst of all:

The Smilling Critters were also here.

DogDay didn't know much about their other version, after all Sophie had been relatively brief when they first met. But, from the information she shared about the experiments, she knew that the group was very different from the Critters that were spawned down here.

But in this whole dark, cold and bloody situation, DogDay held on to her hope, as she always did. As the leader of the group, she had to prove her strength and show everyone that this situation was survivable. But no one showed even a little of the enthusiasm or hope that she had in her world, and it pulled her along.

You were her light in this dark world. The moment you appeared, she knew you were a good person. You proved it immediately, because you freed her from the cells for no reason and showed her the way out. Even when the floor in front of them ended in a drop and you quickly went over, you didn't leave. You turned around and got everyone out.

But there was still the problem with CatNap, which came up again when she got into the elevator.

She stands at the very front, right by the grille that now separates the elevator from the red smoke. The grate suddenly seems completely uninteresting, and she turns to the others. Everyone stares at you both, and the looks give DogDay a strange feeling. She here, with you in her arms, tears still flowing and she had to act quickly.

"What happened?" Bubba asks, calm and analytical. He looks at DogDay, then at you in her arms, and then at the red smoke swirling around the bars in front of you.

"Don't you See? That Guy is a retar-"

Before Kickin can finish his sentence, an elbow from Hoppy hits him right in the ribs. He shouts an "OW!" and she just gives him a look, the way a parent looks at a child when they've messed up. The brief situation that played out in a second takes a little pressure off DogDay's chest, at least she sees that Hoppy is now showing a little compassion and understanding for you.

With that, she looks through the elevator once more, taking in the looks from fellow critters.

Every look was a little different; some of them were drenched in panic, others in confusion and fear, but they all had something in common: they were focused on DogDay, and you in her arms.

"He-He must have fallen to the floor..." DogDay stutters, but not just because the situation is so panicky, no. She's lying, for the first time in her life. And for whom? For you. She doesn't really see it as a lie, more like a white lie, after all, it doesn't give her an advantage or anything.

The elevator continues to rise, but not alone.

"Guys?!"

DogDay immediately turns around, taking longer than the others to do so with you in her arms, and wonders why they all sounded so scared. After all, we've all just escaped CatNap, haven't we?

She was wrong, very wrong.

CatNap's new form was a pure nightmare, and he was here. It is a more haunting presence, with a sickly gray complexion which resembles a skellet. His legs look like mere bare bones, lacking any semblance of flesh or fur, with his paws being completely skeletal with elongated bone-like fingers. Worst of all was his mouth, which was now so wide open that it was more of a nightmare than reality.

The giant creature, CatNap, runs towards you, no, it crawls. And just as you're going up, it grabs the bars and climbs after you.

You slowly open your eyes, it burns and all the pain in your body has not stopped. It's still a bad pull, and you feel like you're going to vomit, with a scratchy throat and dry mouth. But when your vision clears and you see the devil's grimace from the experimental CatNap version, you close your eyes again.

"WHAT DO WE DO NOW?! HE'S CHASING US?!"

"HE'S GOING TO GET US!"

"EVERYONE STAY CALM WE-"

"WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"

DogDay can't think straight, it was hard enough before, but now it's even worse than usual. Sophie's, Hoppy's, Bubba's and Kickin's voices are ringing in her head and she can't think straight. But she has to stay strong, after all, she is the leader of the group.

But it's difficult, after all, she has to grasp the situation precisely, which is becoming increasingly difficult with all these people. So she concentrates on the others, turns her back on CatNap's devilish face and uses the remaining time wisely to find a solution.

Bubba looks desperate, which is usually never the case. His eyes dart from critter to critter, stopping only at you and DogDay. DogDay's gaze meets his, and even though he would never admit it, she sees the pure fear in his eyes.

Kickin and Hoppy take steps backwards and press themselves together against the elevator wall. With their arms against the wall, it looks as if they are caged animals trying to escape. Especially as Hoppy and Kickin have lowered their heads out of fear and panic about what is to come.

Bobby and Crafty are holed up in the other corner, completely terrified and with a panicked look at CatNap, who is still pulling himself up on the grating of the elevator. Crafty puts her head on Bobby's shoulder and whispers something to herself in panic. Bobby doesn't even seem to notice, because she lifts a paw and quickly strokes Crafty's head.

Picky just stood in the corner, anxious but a little calmer than the others. Nevertheless, she steps around a little and quickly stands behind Bubba with a frightened look on her face.

And then there was CatNap.

CatNap stood completely still, almost bored, behind Sophie in the middle. She looked the same as always, the purple ears, the tall stature, the stoic expression and absolutely unreadable. But her eyes were fixed on you in DogDay's arms. Where everyone has already looked away because danger has appeared, she continues to stare at you, but DogDay knows that look. It's like the CatNap version looking up the bars at you right now: like A Hunter And His Prey.

And that was exactly what gave DogDay an uneasy feeling in his stomach.

She has often noticed your glances, not only at her, but also at CatNap. The looks to her were different, they were filled with fear, and it looked like you wanted to collapse. When she heard from Sophie about the whole situation, with the experiments and the other versions of the Smilling Critters, it became clear to her: you were scared to death of CatNap and the prototype.

And one thing made it worse: when you ran away and were alone with CatNap, DogDay didn't know what you two were doing. DogDay knew that her feelings for you went beyond simple friendship, she found you interesting and really wanted to know more about you, but at that moment you were gone.

A few hours before you came back with Hoppy and Kickin to heal Sophie, CatNap showed up. Of course the whole group, and Sophie, were confused and wanted to know what exactly had happened. CatNap answered as briefly as possible, you were somewhere in the school and ran away from her out of fear. But it was a lie.

DogDay could see it in her eyes, she was doing something. She didn't know what exactly, but she couldn't turn a blind eye until she found out.

And then there was this moment.

When you were back and had just healed Sophie, DogDay followed you. She wanted to apologize, to say how sorry she was that you had to go through all that. But the gesture never reached you, because DogDay saw your figure from behind as you were undressing to take a shower.

She saw the Hickeys.

At first she couldn't believe her eyes, and that got worse when she saw that they were more like bite marks. As if someone had marked you for later use, or to stamp you and leave a mark.

And that was when DogDay saw the light.

CatNap used you, alone, in the Dark School. Hence the frightened looks you gave her the other day, your growing nervousness about DogDay, and your smell that resembled CatNap.

And of course DogDay blames herself for this.

If she had stopped Kickin before he beat you up, none of this would have happened. If she had gone to the school with you, none of this would have happened. You, who were already traumatized and living alone down here, had to endure it all.

She would talk to CatNap about it right after this, whether in front of the others or not, a topic like this can't just stay there. Especially after your kiss, which now lies on you like a sign of DogDay's protection.

DogDay, and the other critters in general, were not particularly educated on that subject. She had simply heard about kissing from Bubba, who knew a lot more about the subject, or read about it in a book that Bobby had probably pushed on her. But it was always with consent, and she was sure of that, CatNap hadn't had it from you, and that's why the bite marks.

She looks the experimental version of CatNap in the eye. The black pupils encircled by white irises were not like the CatNap she knew, but one thing was the same. The bottomless malice within them. But right now, as DogDay looks the giant monster in the eye, it is blocked by the wall that leads you further up.

"Damn! I think I've wet my pants."

"I'm so scared..."

"Crafty, it's gone...you can look up now."

However, DogDay's mind is somewhere else, which she doesn't think is right. The pressure is all on her, both CatNaps were present in her mind, because both are fixated on you, and she doesn't like it. Both eyes are on you like a hunter on his prey, who the prey was was obvious, of course the Little Scarred Boy. Looking down, while the others discuss what's happening now, she looks at your face.

Your angelic features, your incredible softness and pale skin. DogDay was sure that if you used your Idle Transfiguration to form wings on your back, you would resemble an angel as she knows it from the stories.

"We have a head start, we must not waste it!"

The elevator arrives at the top and everyone runs out immediately, now seemingly being out of danger. DogDay continues to hold you, and she notices that your body is getting warmer and warmer and that you are starting to squirm around uncomfortably. She doesn't know exactly what it was, but she wants to be safe for now so that she can look after you gently.

While everyone runs out into the safe room, she goes straight to Bubba. While he's still quoting lightly and apparently talking to Sophie, she taps him lightly on the shoulder with her shoulder. But when he turns around, she sets you down next to her like a toy, and takes one of your arms around her shoulder. As she is taller than you, much taller, she bends down so that you, who are already at the end of your tether, don't have to stretch.

"He needs help, maybe it's a fever... Or something." DogDay's voice sounds clear again, in contrast to the previous situation. She bends down a little more because she can see you ache out of the corner of her eye. Your hand pressed to your stomach and your eyes squeezed shut was a clear sign for her to seek help from someone who knows about this kind of thing.

"Hey." Bubba moves closer to the two of you while the others spread out in the background, checking out the area. You can barely open your eyes as the Big Blue Elephant slowly moves next to you. "Come over here."

And with that, you and DogDay walk over as she slowly strokes your back and your eyes meet Bubba's. He pushes two small metal garbage cans together, turns them over and sits on the first one, waiting for you to sit down.

But there's a small problem, thinking about DogDay makes you feel so warm again. The pain in your stomach gets lighter for a few moments, until it feels like you're running away from something loaded with adrenaline, like butterflies. Blood flows through your body again, but only to the lower regions.

What is that feeling?

"So! Let's talk about your problems then."

"When was the last time you ate properly?" The question hits you hard, very hard.

The words 'last time' make you remember the last time in its entirety: the meeting of the critters, being beaten up by Kickin, the psychosis at school and your...act at the Playhouse. Everything brings back not only your terrible stomachache, but also the fact of what horrible things happened to you and what you did.

"I-I...Don't k-know." It hurt to speak. Your aching lungs paired with the dry throat made your words come out rough, leaving a dry feeling in your mouth afterward.

You look around nervously and panicked, you are still in that 'safe room' the elevator took you to. It was a huge room, and you haven't gotten away from the beginning yet, for several reasons. Lots of metal pillars, and huge walls that made the room look like a labyrinth, or a hiding place.

"Uh-huh..." Bubba says, writing something down in his little notepad. His trunk moves slightly, as if he's laughing to himself, which you completely ignore due to the intense pain. In general, it's such a funny moment to have just been chased by CatNap through the elevator, in DogDay's arms, and now answering Bubba's funny questions on an upside-down trash can. "Interesting..."

"And how are things between you and DogDay?"

Huh? What does he mean?

"Well, your behavior indicates a pretty strong crush on her...do you want to tell me about that?" Bubba's voice only half reaches your ears, but even if they had made it all the way through, you wouldn't understand the point of the question.

But I have a stomach problem? What does DogDay have to do with it?

"I -

"You know that us critters are quite different from..." He interrupts you, with a stoic tone and a look deep into your eyes. His gaze meets yours for a moment, but then he slowly checks your body, from top to bottom, and you don't like it. "you."

Why is he looking at me like that?

It was the same feeling you had back then during the check-ups before the experiments. You weren't naked like back then, but it still felt like his gaze was passing through you. He's analyzing you: Your long grayish-blue hair that reaches past your neck; your face with the stitches; your hoodie that is too big for you and at the same time shows how thin you are underneath.

"Sophie told us about the experiments..." He starts, and your stomach immediately drops at the memories that flood your mind. "But unfortunately, I don't know exactly what the indicator could be for you... For your stomach ache."

All in all, it sounds more like a statement from a scientist. Normally, you would perhaps grimace, run away or do something to distract yourself. But you don't have to, because the abdominal pain is still present and runs through your whole body.

"But... Is everything okay with you sexually?" He says, now with his head a little lowered and a glance at his stupid little notebook, which is in his big hands. His trunk moves slightly and his yellow lightbulb pendant wiggles slightly as he writes in the notebook. "Of course I'm asking in DogDays Favor."

You don't understand how to answer, nor why he's asking you such a question. You're sitting here, curled up with one hand on your stomach, which continues to hurt like hell, and he's asking you things you don't even understand. The only thing you're thinking about now, because this Bubba isn't interested in your problems anyway, is DogDay.

Whereby DogDay had completely different problems:

"Why are you mothering him like that?"

"Huh?" DogDay turns around, the view in front of her unsettling her for a moment: standing at the computer terminal are Kickin, Hoppy and Picky. Sophie stands at the computer and tries to type something in, but she doesn't pay attention as she meets the eyes of the others and the question remains unanswered. "What do you think?"

"Listen DogDay..." Now it was Hoppy who spoke up. Standing right next to Kickin and stretching out her feet, she looked at DogDay as if she was about to give her some really bad news. "Don't you think you..."

She doesn't say anything else, just an aggrieved look on her face towards DogDay and slowly sits down on the small plate next to the computer terminal. Kickin stares at her as he sits down next to Hoppy and looks up into the air.

"I...don't understand what you mean?" DogDay says, sounding unsure for the first time while talking to Hoppy. "That I what?"

"That too much appreciates him for what he is?" Hoppy's voice literally echoes through the huge room as people slowly turn towards DogDay.

"What..." DogDay can hardly put into words what she's thinking about, there was just too much she could think of.

First Hoppy sounds like Kickin, who had brutally beaten you up and left big scratches on your face. Then the fact that she says ‘for what he is?' like you're one of those monsters you're running away from. And then the word 'appreciates', as if you didn't deserve to be respected, seen, heard or loved.

Have they forgotten that Y/N freed us? That he voluntarily led us through this factory? And that he healed Sophie when she was about to bleed to death? What is this?! Why don't they just accept him?

"I understand you..." Lie, again. DogDay's white lies will probably continue for you for the time being. "But he's already helped us so much, and he–

"At what?!" Kickin interrupts her, just as she was about to explain your suffering and all the stress caused by your trauma. He rises dramatically, with a small 'thump' from the slab where he was just sitting next to Hoppy, and stands directly in front of DogDay. He's minimally taller, so he blinks slightly down at her as he raises his Beak. "Our priority is to get back home, isn't it?"

"Yes! I finally want to go home again!" Shouts Picky, from the last corner, while chewing on an apple with relish. While standing next to Bobby and Crafty, who are watching the situation between the three of them as if they were in a movie.

"So, how about you and your...Little Lover focus on our priority and stop–

"Now listen to me Kickin!" DogDay gets louder, for the first time in front of her friends in a conversation. She just can't stand the way they badmouth you anymore, and no one seems to care, even though they've all been saved by you once.

But it was strange for DogDay as the leader of the group. She usually stayed calm, positive and tried to include everyone perfectly so that everyone felt comfortable. At home, she never had a fight with any of the other critters, not even with Kickin, who always tried to provoke and mess things up. However, she knows it wasn't just the stress of the current situation...it was also you. She loved helping people, and you needed her help more than anyone else, and she thought you were just perfect, as well as you her.

"Can everyone stay calm for once?" DogDay couldn't believe her fluffy, floppy ears. CatNap, the CatNap who always stays out of things, tries to cool things down after all she's done. Standing back there in the corner, hidden by the red smoke swirling in the air, with her stoic expression on her face.

DogDay responds immediately, anger overflowing from the memory of the bite marks on your neck, and the knowledge of what CatNap did to you at the school. With an outstretched index finger, she points at CatNap and shouts. "You! you're the one who-!"

"GUYS!"

Everyone turns abruptly to the back, where Sophie was just standing at one of the four battery stations, pushing one in with her GrabPack. She looks panicked as she quickly picks up the battery with her plastic hand and turns to face the critters, pointing at the computer with her arm.

"CATNAP IS COMING, SO GET EVERYONE READY!"

And so begins an endless moment between life and death.

---

Holy shit, what's going on here?! First your stomach pains that just won't stop. Then CatNap's act, which has already been deciphered by DogDay, and then the other critters talking to DogDay about you. So, the next update will be for my Arcane Story (Season 2 is out, and I'm not even halfway through Season 1), and then for the Genius Story. I'm looking forward to writing more, especially with the Slow Redemption and everything. Thanks for reading this chapter, feel free to comment and leave kudos everyone!

[trulytiredhermit]

Alright, so think about this one.

The Links just seeing the reader so.. Vulnerable.

Like i don't know about you but I've got this really deep regret that I've only ever shared to my uncle, nobody else knows about this regret to me, and everybody has that, you know? Especially the emotional stuff that makes them tear up.

That and put it to the reader, they're for real going to be crying one night when they can't sleep because they just remembered something, they remembered the thing that they did that they deeply regret, they think that nobody could hear them, they think that nobody will be able to see them in such a vulnerable state.

They think that the others would only ever see them in their calmest moments, they think that the Links have never seen them cry, which was true until that night.

And then they refused to tell the Links about it, they'll just wipe their tears off that just kept on leaving their eyes anyway, shrugged it off as them being emotional, and then tried to change the topic as best as they can, but the Links just won't.

Why are they crying? What do they absolutely regret? They are right here, they should confide in them! They should know that whatever they're feeling shouldn't be bottled up.

Just angsty in general.

*I just- oooooof

Yeah, I definitely get what you mean, I'm sure others will too. But yeah, just having those nights where everything was fine before but then you get that one thought, just that one bad thought, and you just end up spiraling and the tears won't stop.

Yeah, I've had those nights before.

So, just a warning then for people who don't like angst. There's gonna be some angst here, not a whole lot but y'know.*

All I'm imagining right now is Reader having a good, nice day with the Chain.

Having fun stirring up trouble with Wind and Wild, even getting Time to help out with some pranks on the rest of the Chain. Sitting by the campfire exchanging stories and having laughs with the Chain.

Then night hits.

And past memories and regrets come with it.

Maybe Reader feels guilty and regrets leaving their home to travel with the Chain (whether they willingly left or didn't doesn't matter, guilt doesn't care about the scenario). Or they had made a mistake in the past that they wish they could fix.

Eventually more regrets and memories start piling up; Reader isn't able to escape to their dreams anymore, sleep eludes them whilst they get eaten up by their past.

Then, as things start building up and just become too much, the tears start.

They try to be quiet, they really do.

Using their blanket, they try to muffle their sobs and gasping breaths. And while this tactic may have worked at home before, it doesn't work with the Chain.

With one person being awake and on watch they're for sure to take notice of Reader's shaking form.

The other members of the Chain wake up to the quiet sniffles and huffs. Of course, they would, having gone through so many dangerous situations they've learned to be light sleepers; to awaken when things in their environment suddenly change.

But Reader doesn't take notice of the sets of eyes on them, too busy still attempting to muffle their sounds.

Perhaps Hyrule or Wild ignites the campfire once more, suddenly illuminating the surroundings and Reader in light.

Or maybe a gentle hand caresses Reader's shoulder, taking care not to startle Reader too much, and Reader turns around to find the Chain crowding around them, concerned looks and sympathetic gazes.

The Chain would try to get Reader to talk to them about what's troubling them; tell Reader that they're always there to talk to and confide in.

But Reader brushes off their concerns and saddened looks with an "I'm fine" whilst they hurriedly wipe at their eyes. "It's nothing, don't worry about it."

However, it's not nothing and the Chain are going to worry about it.

They keep up with their questions.

"Did something happen?"

"Are you hurt?"

"Was it something we said/did?"

"Did someone else make you upset?"

They continue with their comforting.

"It's okay to cry, we're here for you."

"You can tell us anything [Name]."

"It's alright, it's alright."

They bring Reader into gentle hugs, hands creating soothing patterns on Reader's back and arms. Gestures and embraces filled to the brim with enough love that it's practically overbearing, suffocating.

Maybe Reader finally breaks, sobs into the warming embrace of those around them. Talks to the Chain about their worries; alleviates the problems and thoughts clouding their mind.

The Chain are happy that Reader trusted them enough to confide in them at last, they of course tell Reader not to be afraid to cry in front of them and to no bottle up their emotions anymore.

And while Reader's cheeks may still be slightly damp from their tears, they go to bed with a soft smile on their face. Surrounded by the loving embrace of those around them.

Or

It becomes too much.

The Chains embraces and loving words become too overbearing; too suffocating that it sends Reader into a panic; makes them go defensive.

Perhaps they push their way from the Chain with a harsh "I said I'm fine! Just drop it and leave me alone!"

They drag their bed roll away from the group, setting up further away from them next to a nearby tree.

Rolling onto their side they face away from the Chain so that the tears that streak down their cheeks won't be seen.

Not wanting to push Reader away further, the Chain back off; realize that how they went about trying to comfort Reader was wrong.

They won't drop the issue of course, but it's going to be a few days before it's ever brought up again.

They don't want to push Reader too far that they don't come back to them.

[contentstarved]

canon soup v.ash kink canons

(like with c.loud... warning for non-detailed starvation talk because my new favorite traumatized blonde also has problems. so many problems. oh dear god he has problems.)

(OTHER NOTE: this is for my own personal v.ash i write with. i do have some hcs for 98 v.ash and 23 v.ash specifically but this guy's a mix of both)

* first and foremost: as a Plant (basically a living nuclear reactor), he has Quite the metabolism. he can photosynthesize to some extent, but it isn't enough for him; he has to eat human food and is capable of starving, but can last longer than your average person. he's gone ten months without eating before, though it was a miserable experience for him.

* incredibly self-sacrificing. it literally does not matter how bad he's doing, he will always put other people first. his body could be giving him hell and he'd still give up what food and water he has for other people because he believes he doesn't 'deserve' it as much as other people.

* as a result he is just. so hungry. all the time. at this point he's used to it, it's been a very long 100+ years of going hungry because he has major issues, but he's still a little embarrassed when his stomach decides to complain...

* and it, like him, is decidedly loud and insistent. it's a lot quieter when he actually eats his fill, but he usually doesn't, so he's generally in fucking hell. personally he just feigns ignorance. that ain't him. sure he hasn't eaten in days out of guilt but that ain't him. don't worry about it, what about you, are you okay, do you need something to eat?

* because of his own bullshit he gets nauseous pretty easily just because he's so damn hungry. this improves if he actually fucking eats. he just decides this is his life now. absolutely no one who travels with him is happy with his decisions, especially when he throws up in the desert and has the nerve to be like "i'm fine don't worry about me".

* when he DOES eat, he can actually pack away quite a bit. it comes with the territory of being almost constantly on the move and overexaggerating his actions to seem harmless, if INCREDIBLY weird. along with being, you know. a living nuke. it's a little impressive considering he's the lankiest 6'6" beanpole. good luck seeing that though.

* not to bring being a trans man into this but everything just gets worse when he has his period. he is in a hell of his own fucking making.

* would rather DIE than ask for food. he will do it privately thank you very much. or after much pressuring.

[your-divine-ribs]

what do you think your Van's would be like when it comes to meeting the parents? Either his or yours

Sorry whoever sent this a few weeks back, I completely forgot it was sat in my inbox xxx

💗 Dad Van

Van being the family man that he is was so tight with your whole family. Your parents absolutely adored him, after the boys that you'd dated growing up who were never good enough for you in your dad's eyes who inevitably then went on to break your heart, Van was like a knight in shining armour who came along and swept you off your feet.

Being the stickler for tradition that he was, he requested permission from your dad to ask for your hand in marriage before he proposed, and his heartfelt wedding vows had your mum in floods of tears at the ceremony. He'd given your parents two beautiful grandchildren and he clearly doted on you and the kids so he was just perfect in their eyes.

❤️ Red

You'd known Van for years and had made your disdain for him quite clear during the period before your feelings towards him had started to change. Your parents were regularly on the receiving end of your impassioned rants about his philandering ways and, needless to say, they weren't impressed with his behaviour. So when you broke down to your mum one night when you'd been eaten up with guilt over your affair, she was quite understandably horrified to learn that you were considering leaving your high school sweetheart Larry for him.

Two hours, a bottle of Pinot Grigio and a whole box of tissues later you'd spilled out your heart to your mum, your eyes puffy and red-rimmed and your throat hoarse from all the sobbing.

Your mum hugged you tight whilst drying your tears. “I can't tell you what to do love, only you know how you truly feel. All I can say from experience is that a few years down the line you'll have more regrets about the risks that you didn't take rather than the ones that didn’t work out. Be honest with yourself... do you love him? Does he love you? That's all the answers you need. You only get one life so you have to be true to yourself."

💖 I'm With the Band

Van totally charmed your parents with his sassy confidence and cheeky demeanour. When you first took him round to meet them he turned up with a bunch of flowers which you assumed were for you but instead he presented them to your mum with a flourish, tipping you a smug wink when she gushed about what a pleasure it was to meet him and what a nice boy he was. You just mouthed 'creep' to him and rolled your eyes when your mum wasn't looking but you secretly loved the fact that she was so taken with him.

🩶 Playing Hard to Get

Van had never met your parents, your relationship hadn’t got to that stage yet where you felt comfortable with suggesting taking that next step. You were well acquainted with Mary and Bernie though through your summer job working at their guesthouse. They were kind, friendly and generous employers, and you felt bad for taking advantage of their warm and trusting nature when you were skulking around playing your sordid teasing games with their son right under their noses. It wasn’t enough to stop you though, Van was just too tempting and you were having far too much fun.

🖤 Prof Van

You hadn't told your parents about your relationship with your Professor and you had no intention of doing so. They were helping to fund your degree studies and times were tough to say the least, so you knew they'd certainly not approve of your reckless affair which would surely lead to your ejection from university. Your parents had worked out that you had a love interest though, they knew you too well and you couldn't hide the dreamy look in your eyes and the flush in your cheeks when they teased you about the 'mystery boy' who'd caught your eye and stolen your heart. "

“You can't hide anything from us Y/N," your dad teased as you protested that you were still off boys since your ex had cheated on you. "I don't know why you're being so secretive about it. Me and your mum just want to meet the lucky guy who's responsible for putting that big smile on your face!"

They had already met him though, when they'd visited you on campus to help you pack up your belongings ready to go home for the Easter break. Little did they know that the charismatic Professor who they'd bumped into when they'd taken a tour around the History department who spoke so highly of their daughter being such a delight to teach had been railing her into oblivion that morning over the very desk that they were all sitting around.

💜 Pure

With your strict upbringing your parents didn't approve of your friendships with most boys, but there were a few they considered wholesome enough for you to spend time with. Those were usually the insufferably boring goody-two-shoes types they introduced you to at church socials. Of course they thought they were doing the right thing, sheltering you from the evils of the outside world, but what they didn't know was that preserving your innocence and naivety so steadfastly in the way that they had just made you all the more attractive to the darkness they so desperately tried to shield you from. Demons were sly and cunning, and your purity was such a sweet temptation to Van, the urge to corrupt you right under the nose of your watchful, god-fearing parents an irresistible lure.

❤️‍🔥 The Devil Next Door

You'd moaned and complained about your 'neighbour from hell' to your parents every chance you got, so naturally they were curious about the nuisance who was making their daughter's life a misery. So the next time they came to visit and they sighted Van propped up against the back door having a ciggie they were eager to introduce themselves to find out exactly how bad he was. You sat back expectantly in the kitchen, sure they'd be back within minutes to commiserate with you but it soon became quite obvious that they weren't in any rush to get away from Van's company.

What you hadn't been expecting was Van charming both your parents quite so much at their first meeting. You practically had to tear your dad away from the lively discussion that him and Van were having about the Euro qualifiers and your mum was actually blushing after Van had shamelessly showered her with compliments.

“I don't know what you're complaining about Y/N," she'd tutted at your dismay. "He seems like such a nice young man... very friendly... and he's quite cute too!" she added with a girlish giggle.

You just shot her a withering look.

🤍 Single Dad Van

Van was a bundle of nerves when you took him to meet your parents for the first time. He was so keen to make a good impression and was well aware that the additional baggage that came with being a divorcee with children probably wasn't the most attractive prospect for their daughter's new partner. He'd been out of the dating game for a while too so he worried incessantly that he'd say or do the wrong thing at the family meal that he'd been invited to.

He really didn't need to fret, he was so polite and charming that your parents warmed to him straight away. Any preconceived ideas they had were obliterated pretty quickly when they saw the two of you together and the soft and tender way that Van acted around you like he truly adored you.

💙 Ice Cold

Introducing your parents to the man who was currently topping the National Crime Agency's Most Wanted list wasn't really something you could ever imagine happening. So it was a complete shock when your mum let herself into your apartment out of the blue one Sunday morning when you and Van were in the kitchen preparing breakfast.

"Y/N!" She'd gasped, her eyes flicking between you and Van who was standing there shirtless at the kitchen counter, buttering toast. "I thought you were away this weekend. I was just coming round to drop off a... a..."

Her voice trailed off as her eyes darted back to Van, slipping down his naked torso to linger on the puckered scar of a recent bullet wound that you'd painstakingly stitched up.

"Mum!" You'd gulped in shock, dropping the tea-towel you'd been holding to surreptitiously cover the shiny silver handgun that was lying on the counter-top. "I was supposed to be away but there was a change of plan. This is... errr... this is... Van... my... errr... friend..."

An awkward exchange followed before you had chance to usher your mum out the door, her inquisitive and nosey nature prompting her to ask Van what he did for a living, his quick reply that he was in the extermination business raising eyebrows. You thought you might die there and then on the spot but thankfully your mum took that to mean he had a job working in pest control! You didn't bother trying to correct her.

[rainbowsandwhumperflies]

Heyo!

Does Keiran ever regret not killing Ryan?

Or think that maybe he should've?

(Kinda from vibes with the whole chapter 14 ordeal with Onyx?) (Or maybe he blames someone else?) ( I think I'm definitely geting an a-bit-upset-about the situation vibe from him)

Oh and, would that change much?

Oh yes absolutely!! The guilt has eaten at him every day since he let Ryan escape. He's actually pretty certain that if he had tried harder and been more violent, then he could have killed all three of the Raos. But he didn't.

He also actually didn't even want to be king originally!! For like 300 years, Sathenn has been ruled by people who are very very cruel to their subjects. This is taught to everyone as how it has to be. The reason they get overthrown is because Kieran knows they're being worse than they have to—but he still thinks royalty has to be a little cruel.

He doesn't kill Ryan because he pities Ryan. He does not tell anyone that he had the chance to kill him. And he tries not to become king because he doesn't think he's strong enough to kill the people he'll have to.

Kieran ends up becoming king because his brother more or less pushes him into the role and because Kieran led the overthrow. But he doesn't like it. And in his efforts to become anything other than what the Raos were, he got really really lax instead. If a criminal was hiding under Lucia’s rule, they would've been found almost immediately. Kieran was big on not invading citizen privacy, so he didn't ever search houses or anything. That's why Lucia, Ryan, and Cardan weren't ever found. He wanted to find them but he was too scared to overstep as a ruler.

If he had killed one or all of them, it would have fundamentally changed both him and the Raos. He would not be as nice as he is now, and they would not have tried to overthrow him. If he'd actually pulled the trigger on Ryan, Cardan and Lucia would probably just have kept their heads down and left to another country. If they got up the courage to retaliate after Kieran had killed Ryan, he would have killed the other two too.

For better or worse, Kieran has managed not to kill a single person while he's ruled. This does not necessarily mean that no one has been killed under his rule, but 🤷 you win some and you lose some.