#but i'm still here and learning and hopefully have a long future ahead of me in which to learn

[heartfullofleeches]

Holiday period at the fast food reader's workplace. Do they have costumes for Halloween? Do anything special for thanksgiving? What about Christmas, do they do something like a secret Santa? Do they all celebrate Reader's birthday/anniversary of them being hired?

I'm fine if you focus on one or do any of them/something unrelated that I haven't thought of. I just want more fast food reader and the gang of nightmares that adore them 😭

(Going with Birthday because I thought of the funniest thing, but maybe Christmas Special in the future?)

Twenty minutes left on the clock.

You shoved your coat and bag beneath the counter before the start of your shift to make for an easy get away. You'd recently invested in a lanyard you keep hidden down your shirt to keep your keys secure and on you at all times. The line was moving quickly thanks to the new hire that had yet to witness the horrors of the establishment. You could probably even get away with leaving without clocking out if you sucked up to your boss enough tomorrow. There would still be consequences, but as long as you could make it through today everything would be fine. Just twenty more minutes...

"Hey..."

A gentle tap on your shoulder draws your ailing mind from the depths of dread this cursed day traps you in. The janitor stands behind you, hands tucked into their pockets. You eye the slight bulge of a square item in their left, but decide its none of your business as you raise a hand in greeting. "Hey. What's up?"

"Not much..." They rock on their heels, more fidgety than usual as their hands shift in their apron pockets. "Hope I'm not bothering you, but I was cleaning up the break room and noticed there was a mark on the calendar with your name on it... It's your birthday today, right?"

Oh no.

No. No. No.

You open your mouth to make up some ahitty excuse, but your tongue remains glued to the floor of your mouth. Your eyes dart towards the boarded doors of the party room as they speak.

"If I had known sooner, I would've gotten you something better, but this was all I could pick up during my break. Honestly, birthdays are a new concept to me, but a lot of things are. You've... helped me learn a lot about myself so I just wanted to say-"

The Janitor pulls their hand from their apron - presenting a yellow box with a bright red bow.

"Happy birthday."

A loud bang shakes the doors of the party room, rocking tower of unused tables and chairs used to keep them closed. You knew they wouldn't be enough to keep what's inside in - a distraction to keep it at bay hopefully giving you enough time to flee. You quickly grab your things and vault over the counter, shoving past customers still waiting patiently in line as another bang knocks down the top layer of defense. Bang. Bang. Bang. Your heart leaps in your chest with every crash of furniture hitting the ground. You force yourself to look ahead as the doors fly open - stale air raising the hairs on your skin. The squeaks of its shoes send chills down your spine - raspy voice crawls in your ears like maggots to a fresh carcass.

"Did I hear it was a certain someone's.. Birthday?..

Against the voices in your head screaming at you to do otherwise, you glance over your shoulders. There are still smudges in its makeup from your last encounter with it dating exactly one year back to this day. You shutter as its twin tongues, still tied in that braid it tried shoved your esophagus snakes over its painted lips.

"No?"

Its smile grows. "You don't have to lie... I have the date written right here... And here...."

The clown points its gangly fingers at its forehead and chest respectively.

"I think you might have my birthday confused with that guy over there."

You pick up your feet as the clown snaps its head in the direction your finger aims. Seeing a blank wall, and hearing your shoes slap against te, it gives chance - crouching on all fours and bounding after you. Its cold hands latch around your ankle, yanking you off balance and towards the party room doors. You scratching at the floor doors, clawing faster as you feel its eyes on you from over its shoulder.

"No! My birthday was last year - I swear!"

"Silly, silly. You have one every year, and it should be celebrated every. Single. Day.... I've got cake!"

[poemnic-tarot]

Pick a Poem To See Your Messages!🐋

(Disclaimer : This is a general reading please only take what resonate. For entertainment purposes only)

🐋 🦢 ☁️ 🫧 💫 You Are Loved 🐋 🦢 ☁️ 🫧 💫

Pile 1⚡️ - Where am I tonight? by @cant-find-my-name

Where am I tonight?

Although I search for myself

Long and Hard

Still, I could not find

Who was I looking for?

Who am I?,

When I shine spotlight on it

It seem difficult to define,

'To define is to limit"

Then, I must not be

Who I thought I would be

But hopefully, whoever I will become Would still be me

And maybe that person

May be the person I was looking for,

Eventually, I will reconcile the me now

And the Me

I wish to be

Meaning:

This poem is about looking for yourself. Sometime, you don't even notice that you are not who you thought you are. In this 3D world, there are a lot of projections from people, whether that would be from families, friends, school or organisations. That would have definitely distorted yourself image. An image of yourself, you thought you are this type of person, value this thing until one day, you realised that was not you at all. When you finally have time to get to know yourself, a lot of your initial impression of yourself changed. I could never do that, I would never do this. That's definitely not me. Example, I'm not the type to dance to a cover song and post it online. I will never see myself sing publicly for millions to see.I would never dye my hair blue, etc. But when you uncovered yourself bit by bit, possibilities are endless. Things you would never thought that you would do, you find yourself seeing the possibilities for the first time. Trying to reconcile a part of you that you have no idea who she/he/they is/are. One part said, 'I could never start my own business’ the other part would go, ‘let's try it!.’ Whatever I want to be?, successful, brave, hard- working, relax, blue hair?, that's who I'm going to be.

The Messages

There's a natural progression to your self evolution. You might not notice but you have grow a lot Pile one. Steadily, becoming someone you alway admire. Now you're standing in that position or could be in that position. Example, you saw a singer on stage doing an amazing job and she really inspire you and you want to be like her one day. Well, one day is here or will be here shortly. Give yourself some credit, you grew up beautifully despite going through horrid events after events. Heartbreak after heartbreak. You bloomed purely, and will continue to do so. One minute you're a child and the next you are a teenager and a young adult. And next an adult. Life moves fast but you did not waste time. You used it to your advantage. Time did not used you. Maybe who you are chasing to become, has alway been there all along.

"What if we already are, who we been dying to become" this quote is from the song you got, Four by Sleeping at Last.

Have more faith and trust in yourself. You are progressing naturally, beautifully, unfolding.

Quote- "Because we can't see what's ahead, you have to trust that the dots will connect in your future."

Trust that the person you need in any situation will appear. Appear almost alway, it's you. You are that person.

Affirmation : "I give myself permission to be alone, connect with myself and appreciate my solitude"

Signs: 77, 678, VII, baby breath, Mirror

Song : Four by Sleeping At Last

What if we already are Who we've been dying to become In certain light, I can plainly see A reflection of magnificence Hidden in you Maybe even in me

🐋 🦢 ☁️ 🫧 💫 You Are Loved 🐋 🦢 ☁️ 🫧 💫

Pile 2🍊 - “Life Lesson” by @cant-find-my-name

Human aren't perfect

The lesson wasn't learn

So let try again

And learn it one more time,

You'll get infinite chances

Who to say enough is enough?

Except you of course, remember

You have all the say

You are the Authority of your life

No one should drive it

You must make your own decisions

And live by it

Or else, resentment will come

If you give your life control

By someone

Meaning:

This poem is about learning the same lessons twice, thrice or even fourth times. Doesn't matter as long as we are still trying to learn. As long as we are alive and growing. As long as it take to learn the lesson of life. As long as you don't give up on life. Chances are infinite, if only you give it to yourself. People tend to give limited/ restricted timeline to their life for whatever reason. Example, I should have marry before turning 30 or I'm 39 why aren't my goals and dream coming true?. The one to accept those as truth is you and only you. You have to make your own choice. This poem talked about making decision for you, no one else. Or else when you have to live a life by that decision, you may find yourself hating the person you made it for. Example, I made a decision to go to college and did medicine, not because I want to but I did it for my parent. That mean the lesson has not been learn and you are living a life not for you. And there will come a day, the choices will come again, and it will be up to you to make the decision. Will you continue the same path, the same pattern or will you choose yourself for once?. This is the idea where the poem is based on.

The Messages:

It's okay to start again. The new ideas or project or business plan that you are considering, Go for it. It is alright to begin anew, leave behind what didn't work out because it was just an experienced. We shouldn't judge an outcome from our experienced whether they are successful ones or not so successful. Because all of them are equally ours and all of them were necessary to teach us what we needed to learned at that time. Time for a new outlook, you are afraid to be disappointed like before but you are not the same person as you were. If your goals is abundance, isn't it better to try every ways we can towards it?. Give it its rightful justice by trying many different paths towards it. Trying just one path or one way and called it quit, seem inconclusive.

It is time to start again, with experienced, so we can heal what didn't work out, so we can become more secure in our decision. So we can trust our decision again. We can alway trust our decision, even when it lead us where we didn't want to go. But it will alway lead us where we needed to be. Expand our usual path and see if we can get to our goal a different way. Get yourself to a place where, 'it's okay if it happened and it's okay if it doesn't happen'. The outcome doesn't affect my sense of self. Don't give up on your dreams even if it doesn't work, this time. It just mean you are giving another chance to do it again, differently.

Affirmations: "I am brave enough to do what I need to do. I believe in myself. I can do it."

"I am strong enough and will be okay with the outcome"

Signs: 34, SWORDS, Ginger, Ranunculus, snail

Song: AM I DREAMING by Lil NAS x Miley Cyrus

Every song Every dream filled with hell from beyond As I'm sinkin', I relive the story Every try Every breakthrough and every cry As I'm sinkin', I relive the story

🐋 🦢 ☁️ 🫧 💫 You Are Loved 🐋 🦢 ☁️ 🫧 💫

Pile 3🍉 - “Let It Go / Dandelion” by @cant-find-my-name

Let it go, Dandelion with the wind

Don't let the failures

Tattooed on your skin

Cause nothing is ever worth your

Peace

Even if it is war

Even if it didn't work out

Now you know

You deserve so much more,

Rejection isn't a destination

It is part of this journey

Giving in doesn't mean giving up

The most important lesson in life is

Knowing when

Enough is enough

Meaning:

This poem is about accepting 'failures' or things that didn't work out, such as a relationship, a goals, a destination. We all have things that we planned or things that we expected it to be. Like I entered into a business partnership and I expected it to be going well. It is important to focus on the positive side of thing but when it didn't work out like how you hope, which it will alway happened, can you accept it?. Most people find it easy to accept success but find it difficult to accept failures. Which is understandable, however, that won't do because success and failures goes hand in hands and things that didn't work out is part of life or should be part of normal life not an end all be all situation.

This poem is also about giving up. Not in a ‘give up on life' kind of energy buy more of surrendering the outcome to the Divine. If and when you tried your best and it didn't go your way or even when it did, the outcome you want doesn’t serve you anymore. It is alright to give up, it is alright to quit. To change our mind. To change our mind is not alway equating failure. It just mean the things we're going for is no longer in alignment with us anymore. Such as, changing your major halfway through college, changed career path, your goals, your values, your style, etc. These things within us are ever changing. This poem summarisation is that things are ever changing and that it is OKAY. We need to know when enough is enough, with ourself, our goals, our life.

The Messages:

Keep going as you are. Do not stop. Keep your momentum because you will get to where you are headed. Even if it by fears or desperation or anxiety. Still, take your step by step. Concentrated on the positive, what worked out for you not what didn't. You will have a choice to make in regards to your stability and security. In a way, that is what you're going towards. A place where you can make a choice. To be able to choose is a privilege. To be able to choose is empowering. A position where a limited mindset could never be in. 'There's no choice or it is how it is', you know that's not true. That's limited mindset. You alway know that everyone have a choice, they just choose not to have one and blame external circumstances. But when you're in your power and honour yourself, the most empowering choice would be, choosing yourself. Most won't do it, because it's too much to take. But despite your hesitant Pile 3, you are asked to choose yourself and keep going. Start choosing yourself and never stop, because one day, you will reach that inner security you're alway craving. It isn't in any external things, money, status, groups, but within us, there's a voice that have never been heard because we never listen. But once you do, they are not stopping you Pile 3, whoever you're looking for to guide the way, that person is YOU. Repeat the affirmation to yourself Pile 3, "you are not a failure. You are talented, capable, strong and are going places."

Affirmation: "I am capable, I am talented, I am a gift"

Signs : 248, 24, Horses, Twin, Baby, Greek Goddess, Red Rose

Song: You're on your own, kids by Taylor Swift

From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes I gave my blood, sweat, and tears for this I hosted parties and starved my body Like I'd be saved by a perfect kiss

The jokes weren't funny, I took the money My friends from home don't know what to say I looked around in a blood-soaked gown And I saw something they can't take away

'Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned Everything you lose is a step you take So make the friendship bracelets Take the moment and taste it You've got no reason to be afraid

🐋 🦢 ☁️ 🫧 💫 You Are Loved 🐋 🦢 ☁️ 🫧 💫

Pile 4⭐️- ‘Safe Blanket’ by @cant-find-my-name

The world seem to be against

Me

But you whispered in my ears

'That's not true, why don't you look closely'

Stop telling yourself lies

The sky only bring you calm

The trees evokes your peace

The stars shared your longing,

Curious eyes filled with

Mystery,

The world is here for you

If only you let yourself be

And let yourself see

The Meaning :

This poem is about not being negatively bias because human tends to do that. We tend to look for the flaws first, for things that didn't work out. For things that we don't have, for things that's wrong. It's natural to do that but again, Negatively bias brain. Because in reality, it is not as bad as it seem. This poem is to act as a reminder that the Universe is working for me, not against me. There are tree, ocean, sky, beautiful nature all around. As long as you live on this earth and respect it, it will do the same. You are not targeted, you are not the only one feeling pain, no one is out to get you. The tree will only give you peace if only you let it. We must opened our eyes and our heart to truly appreciate earth's beauty. Our first Mother will alway be Mother Earth, Mother Gaia and we are her children. Mother earth is our home and where ever you go , there are nature, and where there are nature, then that is also your home. This poem remind us that we belonged in nature, within this earth. If when ever you feel unsafe, ungrounded, alway look for the tree, go towards nature because she is alway there for you.

The Messages:

Success is yours Pile4 , what ever success means to you. It is your birthright to shine in this world. Victory in life is your birthright. So rest, let the worries, the what's if? the doubts go. Let it flow down the drain and let us bath in this world divinity. Let the world carries you towards where you aim to go, to your destination. Anything you wish for will be aided by the Universe.You know Pile 4, that you are very lucky, very privilege in this life. You are in a position people would envied. People see you and goes 'that person got the best end of the stick in life’. And acknowledge that but in a way, it's because you alway believed that the Universe is working for you and never against you. You rest assured that The Universe alway have your back. And when you believe in something like that, there's nothing in life you can't do. You don't limit yourself to what you can or cannot do. You don't limit yourself to what you can or cannot have. To who you can and cannot be. “The world is against me...." is just an excuse and a lie.This poem helped you see that you got the biggest allied at your side. So go through life knowing you are loved and supported. Cause you are. Go through life rest in the knowing that you are okay or you alway will be okay and you are not alone on your journey.

Affirmation: "I release limiting beliefs and empowered myself to achieve more."

Signs: 77, leaves, horse, Yellow house, Gold

Songs: The Moon Will Sing by The Crane Wives

Tell me once again I could have been anyone, anyone else Before you made the choice for me My feet knew the path We walked in the dark, in the dark I never gave a single thought to where it might lead

🐋 🦢 ☁️ 🫧 💫 You Are Loved 🐋 🦢 ☁️ 🫧 💫

Thank you so much for reading!. Please let me know what you think. See you soon!

🌈Donate Paypal: https://paypal.me/Poemnic

☀️Check out @cant-find-my-name for more of my original poetry

🍉Check out my YouTube channel for more Pick-A-Card!! : PoemNic-Tarot

🐋 🦢 ☁️ 🫧 💫 You Are Loved 🐋 🦢 ☁️ 🫧 💫

[toointojoelmiller]

please don't go: a last of us fic

after David / Silver Lake / post-episode 8

angst, Joel & Ellie bonding, 99% canon compliant

rating: mature - content warnings re: s/a, violence, gore, more

The best found father-daughter duo help each other recover, work through their trauma, stay alive - hopefully a satisfying fill in for things we didn't get to see after winter !

if you're after a long read here's one for you

work in prog! +100k words

ch 1 | ch 2 | ch 3 | ch 4 | ch 5 | ch 6 | ch 7 | ch 8 | ch 9 | ch 10 | ch 11 | ch 12

I'm no longer copying this over to tumblr because it got way too long and it's too much!!!! Read on ao3 for the updated chapters

please don't go: chapter 1

Ellie’s frantic eyes finally seem to focus on him, and he can see her body language shift immediately. The hard adrenaline fuelled tension in her muscles sinks away as her face falls into unsettling blankness – he didn’t think it was possible but she somehow looks even smaller. Her lips start moving but she isn’t saying anything. Only low, halting sounds, whimpers and soft gasps of air that slice into his gut with a hurt nearly as sharp as the sewn up hole in his side. 

“It’s me,” he hears himself repeating. Never feeling more useless in his life, except for - it feels wrong to think of Sarah right now, with Ellie so immediately in need in front of him, but the image of her pink t-shirt soaked in blood swims up in his mind anyway, crystal clear even 20 years later, her heaving and jerking belly so small it’s easily covered by the width of his hands until it suddenly stills. He learned a long time ago that he’s helpless to fight it when this moment flashes back to him. 

This is what is written in the stars for Joel - his girls, too good and too sweet to know better than to trust him until that mistake catches up and they pay with their blood. It’s what he deserves. But - he’d seen it coming with Ellie - he’d known he wasn’t going to be able to keep her safe - Tommy would have never let - why the fuck does he keep existing when he’s so goddamn weak, worthless, worse than - poison, ruining everyone he - 

Ellie moves towards him and presses her face into the crook of his neck with more babbling - a word too this time, “He-” - and the weight of her, the warmth of her cheek against his is the only thing that could possibly bring him back into his body.

He feels his blood pound in his head as he wraps his hand up around the back of her neck – so impossibly small – tangling his fingers through her knotted hair, holds her against him like she’s made of glass. Her whole body is trembling.

“It’s ok, baby girl,” he says in a breath as he shuts his eyes, trying to keep himself upright against a surge of heartache. He hears the words as if someone else has said them, like they didn’t leave his lips – but immediately feels the truth in it. The wall he’s tried to keep up between Ellie and Sarah, the nothing-but-bullshit line he’s drawn to try to somehow separate what they are to him is gone. There’s no more pretending. She’s his to take care of – that’s how she ended up here shaking and bleeding, after all, isn’t it?

His penance for failing Sarah is a life sentence, but Ellie’s still here, in the flesh and breathing (he thanks the god he’s never believed in). She needs him present more than he needs to hate himself. There’s a future full of self-loathing stretching out ahead of him - time for that later. For now he just needs to get her safe.  

“We need to leave, baby,” he says, clearing his throat as it strains from the lack of use. He feels the urgency as the words leave his mouth – they don’t stand much of a chance if more men are coming after them, and though he’d die before he let anything (else) happen to her, who would be left to take care of her then? He pulls back from holding her to look at her face again, eyes tracking over the hollow look in her eyes and the fresh blood splattered on her skin. He’s never seen anyone who needs to be taken care of more.

“Are you hurt? Can you walk?” He waits a moment for an answer that he knows isn’t coming. Ellie’s little fingers twist and pinch on the sleeves of his jacket as she holds onto his arms, but she’s still standing. He sees the moment the shakiness that he felt running through her body moves from invisible to visible, and on instinct he quickly slips off his pack, shrugging off his jacket to wrap around her. She’s swimming in it.

“I’ve got you, honey, let’s go,” he says as he shifts to her side, wrapping his arm around her as he begins moving through the snow. Walking again makes the ache in his side throb angrily and he clenches his teeth to keep from groaning out loud.

Ellie starts shuffling along next to him, thank fuck – he’s sure he couldn’t carry her now – but she’s unsteady. After a few steps she falls against his side, leaning her weight against him like she can’t stand on her own. He hates that he’s so weak he feels his body start to do the same. His brain conjures up an image of the skyline as they left the Boston QZ so long ago – two crumbling buildings fallen inward, holding each other in place.

Ellie stumbles and he tightens his arm around her to keep her upright. She makes a noise, half choking and half swallowing, sounding like the air is being pushed out of her lungs. 

“It’s ok, I’ve got you,” he keeps saying. It’s all he can offer. “I’m here.” It’s not enough.

---

Going back along the road towards the suburbs seemed like a death sentence – they're moving so slowly, and clearly the area was within the boundaries of where the group they’re running from was willing to go. If anyone was coming after them it would be the first place they’d look. But the longer they push forward with nothing in sight the more he’s convinced he's made a mistake that will kill them.

It's near silent in the aftermath of the snowstorm, and it’s rough going along the edge of the woods with patches of snowdrifts occasionally blown so high they nearly have to climb their way over. They’ve both sunk down half way up their shins more than a few times and their wet jeans are freezing against their skin.

He doesn’t know how they’re still going. They’ve been moving for hours.

The only noise is the occasional whistle of the wind, and it’s not enough to cover up their heavy breathing and slow, shuffling steps crunching through the snow. It makes it obvious when Ellie starts to flag, the cadence of her steps shifting as her feet start to shuffle and drag more than stepping, and he tries to swallow down swelling, suffocating dread as he scans around them for somewhere to rest. Time is running out – the sun, he’s horrified to acknowledge, has started to dip behind the tree line. He’s hurting more intensely the longer they walk, and he’s sure Ellie is too. Her breath is coming in pants and whines – she sounds so young he aches.

When snow starts to fall again around them, softly first and then steadily picking up, he fights back the urge to start screaming.

They’re fucking doomed – their bodies are running on empty. They’ll stumble soon and find they can’t get up, and he won’t be able to do anything at all other than pull Ellie close to him as they wait to freeze to death. No sooner has the thought crossed his mind than Ellie crumples at the knees and his mind goes empty with terror. He tries to squeeze in the arm around her when he realizes she’s sinking but he’s too slow. She thumps down hard onto her knees on the ground and is only spared from ending up face first in the snow by the way her upper body slams sideways into Joel’s legs.

“M’ sorry,” she’s mumbling, he realizes in horror as he drops down with her and grabs her shoulders to stop her from collapsing. His wound is fucking ripping as he kneels. He tries to soothe her as she keeps trying to get words out.

“Sorry, I ca- I –” seems to be all she can manage before she falls back into silence. Her teeth are chattering and she’s weakly grabbing onto his pants as if to pull herself up, even as her lower body remains motionless. She’s too weak, too tired. She’s done. 

Joel takes a breath, and then another, and another. His vision is tunnelling as he drowns in the fear. This can’t be it.

“Gotta get up, baby, we can’t stop here, gotta get you somewhere warm,” he’s saying, knowing damn well that no such place is around. Ellie closes her eyes and leans her head into him like she’s falling asleep. An angry sob catches in his throat. 

He closes his eyes and leans his face down into the top of her head, breathing her in and out, sliding his numb fingers into her hair to hold her tight against him again, and looks around asking a miracle.

And finds one.

From the slightly lower vantage point, he can see just a few feet further into the trees, below the bottom branches of a cluster of pine trees, and there it is, undeniably - wood. Pressure treated. It looks like the edge of – a porch?

He shifts sideways to see more and really tests the limits of the stitches in his side – fuck, fuck, fuck – and he’s flooded with relief. It’s not a porch – just a couple wooden steps, leading up to what has to be the bottom of a door. A cabin? It can’t be more than 50 feet away.

“Ellie, look,” he croaks out, and she doesn’t move. He points. “Look, there’s a building – we just gotta get there and we can rest, ok?”

For a moment he thinks she’s still not responding, and she doesn’t turn to look where he’s pointing, but he feels a small nod as she moves her head, and she mumbles a quiet “’Kay” into his shirt.

He’s breathless with pride – she’s so goddamn tough, the strongest person he’s ever met – and the fresh surge of adrenaline is enough for him to stand and tug her up on wobbly legs, to tuck her back into his side and move them forward, foot by shaky foot, moving away from their almost-grave in the snow.

-----

working on transferring from ao3 to here but here's the ao3 link if you want more now - updates regularly on ao3 (36 ch so far!)

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Super Movie 2: Super Hero (1/5)

Finally, finally, it's time to talk about Dragon Ball Super: Super Hero. I've been waiting a long time to do this. First I had to wait for the movie to come out, then I had to wait a while for the rest of the fandom to go see it so I wouldn't spoil anything, then I had to wait for the DVD release so I could take screenshots, and by the time I was ready to do that, I was waist-deep in the 2023 Dragon Ball Apocrypha Liveblog. So the DVD has been sitting on my table for months waiting for me to get to this point, and now I'm finally here.

It's probably just as well, since blogging about the other stuff has helped me figure out how to tackle this movie. Like a rhinocerous sandwich, this thing is pretty big and dense, and I'm not really sure where to begin, and now Tumblr only lets me put 30 images in each post, so I have to think ahead a little. So I'm going to split this up into five installments and hopefully that will give me the room I need.

Super Hero opens with a flashback/recap focusing on the Red Ribbon Army. Real quick: the Red Ribbon Army was a mercenary group that dominated much of the world, until their hunt for the Dragon Balls put them into conflict with Son Goku, who destroyed their headquarters in Age 750. Seventeen years later, the Red Ribbon scientist Dr. Gero launched a campaign of revenge, using several cyborgs and androids of his own design. Gero failed, but his final experiment, Cell, managed to travel back in time from the future, where he nearly destroyed the whole world before Goku's son Gohan defeated him.

If you're a Dragon Ball fan, you probably already knew all of that, but what this movie reveals is that the Red Ribbon Army still lives on through its parent organization, the Red Pharmaceutical Company. When Commander Red died, his son Magenta inherited control over RPC, and he's been building up funds ever since, hoping to restore the Red Ribbon Army to its former glory. From behind the scenes, it was RPC that financed Dr. Gero's cybernetics research, but with Gero's death, there was really nothing more Magenta could do.

And that's what I really love about this shot of Magenta looking at a scale model of the old RR HQ. His father ran the Army from the real thing, but Magenta can't build a new one because Goku would just wreck it like he did before, and he can't beat Goku because Dr. Gero was the only one smart enough to build android warriors to kill that guy, and Gero's dead now. Magenta ought to be satisfied running the RPC, but what he really wants to do is rule the world, and he can't. Without Gero, the closest he can come to that dream is hanging around in this private little war museum he seems to have, and he probably can't even show it to anyone since it would expose the RPC's secret.

But then Magenta learned of Dr. Gero's grandson, Hedo. The movie opens with Magenta's right-hand-man, Carmine, giving a briefing on Hedo, so I assume Carmine was the one who discovered him. Better throw up the Carmine screenshot...

Man, these look great. Unfortunately only the bad guys seem to get them. Would have been neat if they made one for Goku or whatever. Yeah, everyone knows who Goku is, but who cares? I want to see an obnoxious still with his name in big letters.

This movie is chocked full with little gags and Easter eggs and such, so there's a lot to cover. Part of the reason for this is that the first twenty minutes of the movie is really heavy on exposition. The plot isn't all that complicated. The bad guys want to make some evil robots to kill the good guys, but to get there we have to explain who the bad guys are and how they joined forces, which takes a while. So there's a lot of visual things happening while they talk. For example, in this scene where Carmine has an overproduced powerpoint presentation playing while he explains who Dr. Hedo is. While he talks, Magenta has some sort of difficulty with hot beverages.

And while Carmine's video plays, we see Dr. Gero's family tree, including his wife, Vomi, and his son, Gevo. This is the first direct appearance of either character, although we've known about Gevo for some time. Several years ago, Akira Toriyama did an interview where he explained that Dr. Gero had a son in the Red Ribbon Army, and that son was killed during the battle with Goku, and so Gero modeled Android 16 after him. In the video game Dragon Ball Fighterz, we meet Android 21, who looks a lot like the image of Vomi in Carmine's video. I forget how and when these details were established, but the idea seems to be that Gero modeled #21 after his wife.

So does this mean Hedo is the son of Gevo? No, Gero had a second son, and that was Hedo's father. Hedo's parents died during his childhood, and he then went on to become a great scholar, earning his doctorate by age 14.

Today, Dr. Hedo is 24, and he's in prison, because he's a little too smart for his own good. Recently, he dug up some corpses and turned them into primitive androids, then he got them jobs at a convenience store to earn money for Hedo's research. I'm not exactly sure which laws were broken here, but it was enough to put him in jail. In the dub, Magenta observes that Hedo would have made more money with less fuss if he had simply robbed the store.

But Magenta doesn't care if Hedo is a little goofy. His talent for cybernetics is even greater than Dr. Gero's, which is pretty scary considering how close Gero came to destroying the Earth. Magenta needs those talents if he's ever going to bring back the Red Ribbon Army, so he waits three months for Hedo to get released from prison, then swings by to offer him a lift. To Magent's surprise, Hedo already knows who he is and has a pretty good guess as to what he wants.

This is because Hedo's been tracking Carmine with a surveillance device. It looks similar to the ones Dr. Gero used to study the Z-Fighters and collect genetic samples for Cell's creation. The difference is that Hedo claims it's a cyborg he built from a live bee. Maybe I shouldn't take this too literally, but it sure sounds like Hedo vivisected a bee in his prison cell and installed cameras and robot parts into its body. And for all I know, Gero did the same thing to make all of his spy robots, but I always assumed they were purely mechanical. Anyway, Carmine's been monitoring Hedo for a while now, driving by the prison yard whenever Hedo's out there, and Carmine's limo has a dome in the roof for his pompadour, so it was conspicuous enough for Hedo to notice. He built the bee, then had it trail Carmine until he found out who he was working for.

And the bee also gives us a great shot from behind Magenta's desk, where he has two framed photos. One is his dad, Commander Red, while the other is Colonel Violet. So we pretty much have to assume Violet is his mom, right? Kind of wild that Red and Violet were a thing, considering that one of the last times we saw Violet was when she looted the Red Ribbon vault during Goku's attack on their HQ. And she even did it in full view of the security cameras, probably knowing that Red would be watching.

So I wonder what Magenta and Violet's relationship must have been like? Is she still alive? Does Magenta know about her betrayal? How could he not? And considering how devoted he is to his father's dreams, how could he let her treason slide? Or maybe he recognizes that Red was a bad leader, and he means to succeed where Red failed. It's interesting stuff, that's all I'm trying to say.

Anyway, Hedo isn't too impressed with Magenta, but he has snacks, so Hedo gets in the car. Magenta asks if he got picked on during his prison sentence, and Hedo says everyone who gave him a trouble would always meet with "mysterious deaths". That column of black smoke behind them is the prison, by the way. The other inmates (and probably some guards) were chewing out Hedo as he left, so Hedo tossed a bomb inside as a final parting shot.

Magenta tries to sweet-talk Hedo by explaining their family connections. Gero once worked for Red, then Magenta inherited the RPC and continued to fund Gero's research. But Hedo isn't moved, since he never met his grandfather, and Hedo's parents hated Gero for his association with the Red Ribbon.

More importantly (to Hedo), he finds the Red Ribbon Army unappealing, because they resemble villains, while Hedo is a connoisseur of superheroes. That's why he's wearing the purple bodysuit, by the way. From what I can tell, Hedo's a fan of a TV show or something that features a character in a similar outfit.

So if Hedo's all into heroes, why did he... you know... desecrate those graves? I'm pretty sure that contradiction is the point of the character. He likes certain genres of entertainment, and he likes and identifies with heroic characters and their exploits, but he seems pretty much devoid of morals himself. He's like a Star Wars fan who loves the Jedi but has no qualms about harassing people who liked Episode VIII. He's one of those... oh, what's the word?

Asshole. Yeah, Hedo's an asshole.

So now Magenta has to convince Hedo that he's not an asshole, which is pretty stupid since they're clearly both assholes. Hedo just wants Magenta to pretend his asshole-ery is the same flavor as his own. So Magneta weaves this whole tale of how he wants to use his power and wealth to improve the world and stamp out evil. While he says all of this, Carmine cuts off the car ahead of him for driving too slow. But it's not just any civilian he did this to...

It's Janet! We'll meet Janet later on, but she gets a cameo here at the start of the movie, which is awesome to spot when you rewatch it. Fuck you, Carmine, for passing on the right and scaring Janet. Carmine doesn't had a big impact on the movie's plot, but he does generate nuclear heel heat simply because the things he does are very obnoxious. One thing I have to respect is that he's the one bad guy who doesn't try to rationalize or disguise his villainy. Carmine's a prick and he doesn't care who knows it.

For example, even after Magenta explains how he's a "champion of justice", and raises his offer to one billion zeni per android, Hedo still isn't convinced, so Carmine brandishes a gun just to make it clear that they won't take 'no' for an answer. Magenta may haggle, but Carmine is too direct for that.

So Hedo accepts Magenta's offer, but not because of the gun, since he enhanced his body to make it bulletproof some time ago. Also, his cyber-bee is armed with a toxic venom so deadly that it can kill any biological life with a single sting. So Carmine's threats are useless. Hedo is only taking the job because he's fascinated by the challenge of creating the ultimate android with an unlimited budget.

So he asks for background on Magneta's enemy, and Magenta explains that it wasn't Mr. Satan who defeated Cell at the Cell Games. He's part of the "organization", but the real ringleader is Bulma of the Capsule Corporation. Magenta says that her confederates appear to be aliens, which explains how Capsule Corp. got the technology for miniaturization and spaceflight. I'm not sure how much of this Magenta actually believes, and how much is a spin he's putting on things to make Dragon Team look like a gang of villains.

Magenta says that Capsule Corp is collaborating with aliens to pacify the Earth, then subjugate it for colonization. Hedo finds this hard to believe, until Magenta shows him footage of Future Trunks killing Mecha-Frieza. I'm not sure how he could have gotten that footage, unless it was recorded by Gero's spy robots.

In this twisted scenario, Gero created Cell to take the fight to Bulma's "organization", but he just couldn't get the job done. 17 and 18 turned against Gero, and Dragon Team was just too powerful that day. Hedo asks if Bulma is an alien, and Magenta's like "sure, why not?"

Then Hedo eats his Oreo all weird. Like, who does this? He takes apart the cookie, which is pretty standard, then he uses the one side to scrape the cream off the other, and he eats this part. Why? You already had a cookie with cream filling on it! This is just a duplication of effort!

The absolute best way to eat an Oreo is to dunk it in milk until it gets so soggy that it almost falls apart. When I was a kid I designed a device that would allow you to immerse the entire cookie in milk for maximum sogification without having to get your fingers wet. In hindsight, this was a stupid idea, because you can just do that with a spoon.

All this talk of alien conspiracies and Cell's heroic last stand get Hedo fired up, and he pulls up the hood of his costume and declares that the world needs a hero to design the ultimate android. I mean, he just got done saying he didn't buy into Magenta's good guy bit, but he does buy into his own good guy bit, and Magenta's story seems to suit this. For Hedo, it's less about being a hero and more about playing a hero. Magenta has created the role, and Hedo is eager to fill it.

And they finally arrive at a Red Ribbon base out in the middle of nowhere. Then the movie flashes forward to six months later, so I guess this a good place to sign off. Next time, we'll get into Piccolo and Gohan, and see what they're up to.

[umbra-borealis]

TLDR, Elements of Chaos, a massive Sonic AU I've had for years will be in production, meaning most my spare time will go towards that. C0mms might still be open but I'll be more picky because I want to make sure I can actually deliver quality without overworking myself. It's just me, one singular guy, working on this passion project and while I'm okay with that, keep in mind that things might move slowly. I don't have the mental capacity, free time or funding to work on it full time. I'm still excited though and I hope you guys are too.

And of course, here's that ko-fi link I mentioned.

Transcript:

Umbra's 2024 look-ahead

Hello everyone!

2023 was a rather slow year for me as an artist but eventful for me mentally. Because of this I wasn't able to do as much as I had planned and that, not going to lie, hurts. But I'm also ready to leave that in the past and perhaps just push the pause button on some things to return to later because certain things (like the tarot card project) still live rent free in my head. These big long term projects are most impacted by the small amount of folks interested in them besides myself and before you think I'm complaining, this is actually a bit of a blessing because this means I can put a pin in that and things like it to instead focus on something more important to me...

ELEMENTS OF CHAOS.

This is a Sonic AU, yup. Lets get that out of the way first. I'm far from the only one to have an AU and turn it into a full length fic or comic but the thing is, I'm doing neither. Sonic has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. It was a comfort during my most traumatizing years as a child when I had to navigate abuse on the daily, it was a reason for me to not commit sewer slide when I was at my lowest and I cannot begin to express the many ways it affected me as a writer and artist. Together with it's less well known sibling NiGHTS, the Sonic series is the reason I draw/write at all. But as we all know, the Sonic series isn't without it's flaws and just like so many others, I started re-writing bits and pieces I didn't like to form a new narrative.

This is a long haul passion project. The format has already been decided on and I plan to keep 'dev logs' for folks to keep up with if it interests them because I can't promise the release of it's first chapter any time soon. This project only has one person doing all the work and that person is me so if you're interested in supporting me I have a ko-fi link I'll attach to this post (and hopefully more options to come soon) They come with perks too so I don't feel like I'm just e begging, lmao.

Here's a little list of things I'm doing/have to do in order to start publishing.

Character references (Sonic is done already). This is because this story will also feature illustrations.

Website building. Yes, I plan to host a website on Neocities specially for Elements of Chaos.

Actual writing, doi. It's true that I have already worked on the first chapter and gotten positive feedback on what I have so far, but it's far from done!

Cover/page illustrations. This is a storybook type thing. I want to experiment and learn as an artist. This project will be my playground for that and hopefully you'll get to see that growth as the story progresses.

Development will happen in that order, so you can expect references before anything else.

For now, happy new year everyone! I'll share more fun stuff such as a synopsis, world building, stream news etc. in the near future. For now I'm going to enjoy what's left of the holidays before going straight back to work. I look forward to taking everyone along on this creative journey. Thank you!

[aspiring-interpreter]

Starting out thoughts

Here goes...

Throughout my Bachelor's degree, I jumped between different courses, trying out new things every year. I wasn't doing this because I was especially dissatisfied with my major, which turned out to be in English Literature, but because I legitimately had no concept of the future, of having to find a job, or of a degree being supposedly being *for a career*. I suppose I still find the idea of transitioning from student life to adult life hard, but it's been a few months since I went back and did Honours, and now I have a clear intention for what I want to do in the future. This Tumblr is a weekly chronicle of my efforts to make that aspiration, the one career aspiration I really have, come into being.

I've realised that I love language. I love the feeling of becoming more proficient in a second language, and I love the idea of using that foreign language every day for work. Interpreting seems like the natural choice, with its variety of work, its harnessing and improving of interpreting skills, and if I can do a master's then I'll be able to work as an interpreter across many domains, not just in the community, and not just to aspire to interpret at global conferences.

Right now, I'm a heritage speaker of Mandarin Chinese. My parents spoke it to me all throughout childhood and throughout high school and university, and I sometimes used it to talk to relatives in China. But I often find myself tripping over words, unsure of my sentence structures, and missing certain words in my vocabulary. This is especially clear when I video call my parents, which happens fairly frequently, and I need to use an English word to fill in the blanks.

Right now, I'm in Melbourne, a city that is new and fresh to me. I've been here for a month, and being here comes with new opportunities. I have the chance to pick from a wider variety of Chinese classes, and there is a Master's I would really like to do in Interpreting and Translating. However, they need me to be close to fluent. The semester 1 classes start in February - what I essentially need to do is reach an advanced level of fluency before December, either this year or next.

All across the internet, people say it takes a really long time to be comfortable using Chinese, and that there is so much cultural information embedded within the language that you never stop learning it. However, I haven't started from 0, and really believe that if I can work on it consistently, and with focus (sorry German), I'll be able to get there.

So, here is my goal. By the end of next year, I want to pass an oral proficiency exam and be admitted into the Master's course for 2025. This is a long term goal, and I know that when I'm in the course there'll still be more for me to pick up. One thing I'm also conscious of is age in relation to career opportunities. I'm 24 now, so by the time I enter I'll be 26, and by the time I graduate I'll be 28, if it all goes to plan. It's a long road ahead of me, but I think I would be so grateful to myself for putting in the hours if I got there. I would be rewarded with something I could do for the rest of my life to earn money with, a job where being a person and a communicator is first.

Otherwise, I'm really subject to the winds of time. Maybe I'd still go somewhere I'd like, but it would be from chance and other people I meet, not because I'd worked long and hard for it.

This will be first and foremost a discussion of what I've done for my Chinese learning, as well as setting goals (accountability and progress checking). It will also touch on my energy levels and mood, something that will change a lot when I start working, and when I move out of this hostel. It will also be a place to record thoughts, dreams, hopes and despairs, and hopefully recuperate and come out of things clear-headed. This is the one career path that really resonates with me, and I want to follow it with my heart.

[altosk]

　　　Raven realizes his words in the heat of the moment were not the most thought out. In this reality, they really were probably all damned, he was just prolonging Alexei's suffering along with them. This group of kids were extraordinary, don't get Raven wrong, but this was a whole different situation then corrupted people in power and betraying trusts and just human problems.

He feels a little strange when Alexei tells him he's changed and he almost wants to say - of course i have. Raven couldn't tell you how in the worlds he does it but Yuri Lowell changes people, changed him. It had also been Alexei's greatest mistake to send Schwann after Don Whitehorse.

He was the man who had planted the seed.

"You just gonna keep running away? Doing everything half-heartedly?"

No. Raven wasn't running anymore and he was finally gonna start putting all his pieces back in place, even if it had to start right here on this roof with the world ending around them.

❝ you'd been too blind ta see i was changin'... ❞

Alexei wasn't the man Raven used to know, either. He'd changed ever since the day the council had shown just how far they'd go to bring the Commandant to his knees. Though it wasn't seeing the Commandant he used to idolize change that made him do the same. It was thanks to Yuri, and Karol, and all of them. It had been that crazy, disorderly group of teens to show Raven what it was like to actually feel alive again. Before he knew it, Raven was so damn invested in their lives he couldn't remember when he went from watching their backs to protecting them.

Raven tilted his head and looked to the sky. The obstacle ahead was grander than them all, but if he had learned one thing while travelling around with those kids —

❝ if ya don't think those kids are stubborn enough ta solve even a problem like this, then ya were way over yer head from the start. ❞

Alexei's next words to him send goosebumps across his skin and tingles straight to his fingertips. His hands subconsciously flex as if to rid of the sudden uncomfortable feeling. It's that sudden change of tone in Alexei's voice that makes his stomach twist in an uneasy way. This must have been what it felt like to deal with him years ago on that damned hospital bed.

It's certainly not the greatest feeling hearing Alexei at rock bottom. It was never a position Raven ever saw for him, the man who had been stronger than so many before him. It was like the two of them had simply switched positions in these last ten years.

Raven doesn't respond for a good long minute or two, but it felt like much more as he stopped and processed his next words. At long last does he let out the softest sigh and his posture finally relaxed from being something so defensive and hostile.

❝ i'm not gonna argue with ya. ❞ He gives a bit of a stretch of his arms, above his head and to the side. Rolls his shoulders and tries to shake the stiff out of his body before he comes and squats beside Alexei. The Commandant really had little say in what Raven did because the man was helpless either way, so Raven decided he was just going to do what he starting doing best.

Winging it.

❝ but if there's one thing yuri taught me it's ta be real stubborn. so whatever happens next will just be a problem for future me and we're just gonna hav'ta deal with it. ❞

Even with Raven's healing, it was clear it was hardly enough to actually help with the shock and pain Alexei's body was likely going through. Having Ba'ul right now would have been nothing short of a blessing but it was going to be up to him to take the Commandant down himself. If he successfully got Alexei to the entrance of Zaude, one of his knights ships was hopefully still anchored there and he could get Alexei some more proper treatment aboard.

His biggest obstacle was likely how much Alexei was going to complain in his ear the entire way down.

❝ oh, and by the way— the names raven. ❞

With the device now in Schwann’s rightful hands, Alexei’s arm slumped back down to his side with a clank as his armor hit the stone ground below. He hadn’t the energy to lower his arm slower than that. It was far too painful to have ever lifted it in the first place. Standing would be an impossible task.

“Everyone be damned?”

Alexei repeated those three foolish words with a hint of amusement in his otherwise broken voice. He didn’t quite know why, but hearing that now… he just couldn’t help but smile, more genuinely than he had in far too many years.

“You really have changed, haven’t you?” It was a mistake to chuckle this time around, as a jolt of pain ripped through his chest, causing him to stiffen in place, restricting even his breathing to a slow, steady pace before he so much as dared to speak again, but when he did, he would quickly get right back to the point as though that excruciating bout of pain never even happened.

“The man I knew… would never have said something so absurd.” Alexei sighed out, breath trembling. He didn’t quite mean it as a bad thing, however. In fact, quite the opposite.

He quite liked this version of him.

Even so, it changed nothing. Just Schwann alone couldn’t change the decision of the Empire, and he certainly couldn’t sway the Council. It was already over. There just wasn’t any point in fighting it. Whether he stayed here feeling sorry for himself, as Schwann so eloquently put it, or left alongside him with the insurmountable task to stop this nightmare and fix his mistakes, the result would remain the same.

“This is not something… that can simply be fixed by childish ambitions and wishful thinking….”

How could he get this through Schwann’s stubborn skull?

“What I’ve unleashed… is certain death to all. You must know… that there’s nothing that can be done to stop it. If the Empire doesn’t have me killed, this calamity will, and it will not stop with me.” Alexei’s eyes fluttered shut after that, his breathing shallow. How could Schwann expect him to listen when his body couldn’t do much as sit up in this state?

“If you’re right… if by some miracle… there is a way to stop what I’ve done… my presence would only succeed in dragging you down. That’s why I’m… begging you, Schwann… Just go.”

[senadimell]

On “Writing it anyways”

There’s definitely something to be said for “no matter your skill level, if you’ve got a dream, do it anyways,” because that’s how I managed to write a 70k fix-it fic after not writing fiction on my own since literal 6th grade (that’s 11-12 years of age).

But there’s also something to be said for “help, I’ve got so many ideas and they’re literally beyond my capacity to create because I know from experience the toll required to make them reality—and I cannot afford to pay that toll.”

I’m thinking here about Susanna Clarke after Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell here. I haven’t yet read Piranesi, though I’ve heard it’s brilliant, but I do know it’s not a book of the same scale and scope of Norrell. That’s not an indication of quality, by the way—just saying that it may not ever be possible for Clarke to create another monstrously intricate, brilliant, massively long book like Norrell again due to health limitations. I hope she can, and I’m sure she also hopes she can, but there’s no guarantee. Writing something requires a toll.

On a slightly different but still related note, we joke about how fanfic writers are able to churn out stories through the wildest of circumstances, and that’s certainly true, but for every one of those “sorry for the late update, I just gave birth!” people, I’m willing to bet there are many who produced one or two things and then didn’t keep going. Or, think of the thousands of unfinished stories out there. The thousands of unpublished drafts. The one-hit wonders and the cryptids, the people who publish once every seven years. That 125k unfinished monster story that hasn’t been updated since 2007. I’d argue that the vast majority of fic writers are stopped by car accidents and health crises and family challenges and jobs. Turning to writing to cope is one response, but leaving writing by the wayside is another common response.

I dunno, I keep seeing posts that are about “write it anyways,” and I keep refraining from reblogging them with snarky commentary because I realize I’m not the target audience here. Those are primarily aimed at people intimidated by the incredible amount of skill they see and are afraid to be novices. Or people who think that beginning at something means only doing incredibly tedious beginner projects like what dick-and-jane readers are for kids. You know, not learning to knit at all because you think you have to suffer through making a garter stitch scarf before you can make a sweater. To that target audience, those posts are probably really inspiring! You don’t have to do the boring thing before you graduate into being allowed to write interesting things!

But on the other hand, there is something despair-inducing to realize the amount of work required to produce your dream, especially when you don’t know if you’ll ever have the spoons to be able to create it. So yes, write it anyways. But leave room for grief at what you can picture but not accomplish, and learn to make peace with the beauty you can find and cultivate. That’s how we got Piranesi, by the way.

...What Piranesi is not is the longed-for sequel to JS&MrN. Only months after the publication of her debut, Clarke became ill with what was eventually diagnosed as chronic fatigue syndrome. “I was doing a lot of travelling and promoting and getting on and off aeroplanes – the sort of thing I’d never done before. And then in the spring of 2005 I collapsed, and that was the beginning of it. It’s hard to remember an illness because it’s just a lot of nothing. It’s very hard to make it into a shape.”

Writing became torturous – “all the projects I’ve tried to work on while I was ill kept flowing down a lot of alleys, that was part of the illness” – and the JS&MrN sequel is still “a long way off” completion. “I think it may be a feature with chronic fatigue that you become incapable of making decisions. I found it impossible to decide between one version of a sentence and another version, but also between having the plot go in this direction and having it go in that direction. Everything became like uncontained bushes, shooting out in all directions. That’s the state that the sequel to Jonathan Strange is in. It’s almost like a forest now.”

An invitation to the set of the miniseries in Yorkshire helped to clear the path. “I was really uncertain about going, I thought it would be too much for me, but I loved it. I’d felt ‘I’m not an author, I’m just this invalid and I have been for years,’ but they treated me as an author and that made me feel it was a possible thing again.”

With “the consciousness of all the years that I hadn’t written and all the projects I hadn’t completed” weighing on her, Clarke decided “to simplify what I was asking of myself”, returning to an old work in progress that was to become Piranesi (“it probably predates JS&MrN”) as a more manageable prospect. “I thought, it doesn’t have hundreds of characters and it won’t require a huge amount of research because I don’t know what research I could do for it.”

Susanna Clarke: ‘I was cut off from the world, bound in one place by illness’

So you might not be able to ‘do the thing anyways.’ You are allowed to grieve at what you can’t see yourself doing. But that doesn’t mean you will not find a more manageable garden to tend to. It is often hard to anticipate any kind of recovery when in the doldrums of sickness or pain, and yet we often do find easier and more enabling ways to live.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

hi yes im still alive

DON’T MIND ME, I’M JUST--

HAVING A MOMENT TO PROCESS ALL THE LORE AND STORY CHAPTER 6 JUST DROPPED ON US, I CAN BARELY WRITE

AHHHHHHH, I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS 😭 kjdbbaufbiafafvoaybo LEMME PUT ON MY THINKING CAP AND THROW SOME STUFF OUT ASDYUBUASDLI;AGVUOQIB;VI You’ll understand why I used Leona’s face here even though it’s Idia and Ortho’s chapter after you read my thoughts--

***Chapter 6 (and other main story) spoilers below the cut!***

Okay, just to keep it simple, I’ll try to keep things in chronological order!

First is a bullet point list of my thoughts on chapter 6 so far, then all my questions and theories (mostly a biggish theory on Ace) are at the end of the post.

Expectation: Idia cowering in his room, Vil and Rook busting down his door using Epel as a battering ram, dead Ortho theory confirmed

Reality: SWAT TEAM RAID ON NRC, DORM LEADERS (sans Kalim) AND JAMIL GET KIDNAPPED

Admittedly, I’m disappointed to see that the injury Grim inflicted to MC was basically just a cat scratch and nothing more. I thought it would be a lot more impactful if MC had to deal with juggling the realization that Grim has betrayed their friendship and trust while also on the verge of death (or at least while being severely injured)... And given how MC reacted to the attack at the end of chapter 5, I would think whatever struck them was much more substantial than just a cat scratch. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say either the script got scrubbed by Disney, or the intent was that MC was still woozy from VDC / OB Vil, MC felt so betrayed that it shook them emotionally, or that MC was just that weak by default that they can’t defend themselves against cat claws.

Hey, Ramshackle’s finally getting renovated! Proceeds to immediately get destroyed again--

I feel like????????? They tried to retroactively explain why Neige won to try and mitigate the uproar over how VDC ended. There’s some dialogue between the VDC group about how they didn’t perform at their peak because of having just walked out of dealing with OB Vil, and how Neige’s fans were going to vote for him anyway because they resonated with his background. Honestly, I think they should have moved on from that sore spot instead of bringing it up again, even if how chapter 5 ended didn’t personally bother me.

BOOM, HERE COME THE TWST TERMINATORS--

NOT GONNA LIE, THOSE STYX GUYS LOOK HOT SO COOL

AAAAAAND IT’S KIDNAPPING MONTAGE TIME, KIDS

JOABSFHUPAUABDBADB CALM DOWN, RIDDLE??????? YOU’RE GOING TO COMMIT ARSON IN BROAD DAYLIGHT--

Okay, I know this chapter’s focused on Ignihyde and Grim, but the standout part to me (so far) has been the scene where Leona’s being kidnapped. Historically, Leona has not been a character that I like (excluding that one time I had to pretend to like him for a game). I feel like he’s one massive missed opportunity (he didn’t show up much in chapter 2, he’s pretty similar backstory-wise to his Disney counterpart compared to the other Dorm Leaders, he didn’t seem to learn anything or become a better person even a LITTLE after chapter 2, etc.). I’m not a fan of his lazy and arrogant attitude either (even if it is justified by his backstory). But here? THIS IS THE LEONA I ACTUALLY LIKE AND WANT TO SEE MORE OF. 

LIKE????? I CAN’T DESCRIBE TO YOU HOW MUCH I LIKE THIS SCENE???? Yeah, we have Leona fighting STYX at first, but as soon as he realizes who they are, he wises up and surrenders because he knows better than to resist arrest. AND NOT ONLY THAT, but he uses King’s Roar in a smart way--to turn the falling greenhouse glass panes into sand so they don’t hurt anyone nearby (namely him and Ruggie).

And after he turns himself in????? LEONA TELLS RUGGIE TO TAKE CARE OF SAVANACLAW FOR HIM!!! THIS is what a real leader would do. He looks after himself and his people, but he knows when to surrender, AND he leaves his “kingdom” (the dorm) in good hands while he’s away. THIS is the Leona I want to see.

AJBDUASHPFBUABFIABIYFBIPFAAFIAF I ALSO REALLY LIKE HIS SASS WHEN HE JUST THROWS HIS HANDS UP AND ASDBIASBIABAIODDAYOFAIPPADAIDB SAYS “I’ll go with you, but be careful while escorting me, okay? Despite my looks, I'm a precious prince. I’ll get sick/dizzy if you drive recklessly.” SARCASTIC SASSY SMARTASS??????? IF YOU HAD MORE LINES LIKE THIS, I’D LIKE YOU MORE

I love how Azul’s still talking about capitalism/how he can profit from Idia (apparently the Shrouds are like the TWST equivalent of Google??????) as he’s being escorted away by the agents?????? IF I WERE HIM, I’D BE PISSED OFF THAT THEY INTERRUPTED MY BOARD GAME????? At least let the man finish first--

Damn, everyone’s being tasered???????? And apparently all the STYX agents are equipped with anti-magic plates? I guess Bind the Heart can just eat shit then--

Lilia’s ringtone is cute, period.

CROWLEY CALLED STYX TO CAPTURE GRIM???? GRIM IS OFFICIALLY A SCP THAT NEEDS TO BE CONTAINED????

WAIT WHAT CROWLEY’S BEING KIDNAPPED TOO??????? Oh well, the school is probably safer in Trein’s hands anyway--

askhlbfbilhidbabbidasb RIDDLE WAKES UP POST KIDNAPPING AND HE’S USING LEONA AS A LAP PILLOW?????!

How does it feel to be held in a room against your will, Jamil? Yeah, don’t like a taste of your own medicine, do you?

OH HI IDIA, NICE YZMA MAD SCIENTIST GETUP YOU GOT THERE

Wait, what????? THAT’S IT?????? SERIOUSLY???????

MAN.

I have so many questions??????? Specifically about STYX and what they do, and how the Shrouds are tied into all of it.

So they say STYX is a specialized unit called in to quell serious Overblot cases. And if Crowley called them to deal with Grim... well, bad times ahead for Grim. STYX has also been studying Overblot for a long time, which is why (I think?) they captured Riddle, Leona, Azul, Jamil, and Vil. 

There’s been some allusions made between Grim and Stitch in a lot of fan art and fan theories I’ve seen, since their struggles have some parallels: that being them struggling to decide if they are “good” or “bad”. I don’t know if this was intentional on the part of the TWST writing team, but regardless, it’s a really good concept that plays into the themes of TWST itself. There’s no good, there’s no evil, no black and white--most of the characters we see may be BASED on villains, but that doesn’t MAKE them villains. They are good, and bad, in their own ways--and now Grim is dealing with that crisis as he fights to keep his sanity and avoid completely succumbing to Overblot.

Though Idia seems to be involved with STYX’s research, it doesn’t sound like he personally gave the order to retrieve those test subjects (or at the very least, he’s not happy about roughing up the test subjects), it sounds like the orders came from other people in the organization. His parents, perhaps?

They mention briefly that Idia’s parents are asking him to “come home”, so it must be for something urgent. Are they worried about his safety? But Idia’s lines at the end of chapter 5 lead me to think he is estranged from his family, since he straight up rejected a job offer linked to them (Olympus Corp is owned by the Jupiter family, and the Shrouds are a branch family of Jupier), and says something like “I’m not welcome anywhere”. Has Idia done something to disgrace him from the rest of the family? Or is it more of a self imposed/self inflicted statement, given that he always says he’s “cursed” and acts like he’s guilty of something that deserves scorn?

Why is Idia participating in STYX research, even if it means experimenting on his fellow students (and fellow board game enthusiast Azul)? People are speculating that he wants to use blots to fully revive Ortho (if dead Ortho theory is true), or that Idia actually has heroic intentions (he wants to know more about blots to prevent OBing from happening?), but at this point??? Literally anything could happen?!

In future parts, I’m guessing Pomefiore, MC, and Adeuce will team up to break Jamil and the Dorm Leaders (except Malleus, Malleus got left out again www) out? And HOPEFULLY we get to see Rook’s Unique Magic or at least more screen time, since I feel like he got so little in chapter 5... Another thing I’d like to see is Ace and/or Epel getting their Unique Magic, or at least starting to develop it. It’s really mostly Ace I want more details for.

A theory I’ve been holding onto for a long time is that Deuce getting his UM will spur Ace on to become jealous (since he has always seen Deuce as an idiot/”lesser” than him), and that will cause a rift in the friendship, or for Ace to throw himself into a dangerous situation to prove himself (he has done it before with Riddle)... and has his ass rescued again. This would make Ace even angrier, since he feels like everyone is treating him like a little kid or rubbing it in that he isn’t “as good” as they are. I don’t know where it would go from there (I’m sure TWST would get creative), but ultimately it would culminate in Ace making amends with everyone and rushing in to save them from either Grim or Idia OB.

I don’t think Ace would discover his UM in a similar manner as Deuce (Deuce had to embrace his own stubbornness and straightforwardness, but as the term “Unique” Magic implies, the way a magic develops and manifests is “unique” to the user). While Deuce has to learn to accept his own way of thinking, I believe Ace is already sure of his own way of thinking and has totally accepted it. I think what Ace has to deal with instead is coming to terms with his fickleness. We’ve seen him time and time again treating his loved ones kind of callously, from constantly bullying MC, Grim, and Deuce to ghosting his own girlfriend and flaking on people when they are counting on him to do a task.

The issue with Ace isn’t that he isn’t aware, it’s that he is aware and he seems to think this behavior is totally okay. He demonstrates little to no remorse in what he does and says, and he doesn’t seem to care about the consequences either (how many times does he get punished by Riddle, yet he keeps doing the same dumb things over and over?). Ace appears to operate under the mindset of always being in the right, or (if he’s in the wrong), he won’t really acknowledge it, or he will wave it off as “no big deal”--and I think that’s his greatest weakness.

In the scenario I described earlier, I mentioned that Ace’s jealousy will cause a wedge between him and his friends, and I think this will play into him realizing the error of his ways. When he has finally driven away all of the people that supported him, what will he have left? Nothing. Then maybe Ace suddenly finds himself relating to Idia, or to Grim, who have Overblotted and are in a similar emotional state as he is. Confused and lonely... and that energizes him to pitch in again, even if all he has is wind magic up his sleeve. Everyone could be shocked that Ace has returned, and in that moment, he could finally realize his true potential and unlock his Unique Magic!

(Maybe that’s too specific, but that’s a scenario that I’ve had playing in my head for a long time!)

... Buuuuut given that Ace has gotten little to no spotlight so far in chapter 6, I’m not sure if they’ll lean into him developing his UM yet (unless they pull a chapter 5 and really start addressing Ace in the latter half of the chapter like they did with Deuce). Seeing as chapter 6 is dealing with a lot of heavy topics (death, Grim lore, Overblot lore), I’m thinking maybe the TWST team will push off Ace’s UM development to chapter 7???? The only way I can see it happening in chapter 6 is if the chapter is SUPER long, or if the writing is REALLY good or really bad. 

Anyway, I’m keeping my fingers crossed!!! I’m so excited for the rest of chapter 6... I hope that we don’t have to wait too long for it!

[spider-xan]

I have previously re-written a few of Van Helsing's long speeches in what is hopefully a simpler way that's easier to understand for people who may not be able to read long blocks of rambling text with non-standard English grammar and syntax, sometimes with annotations and summaries, and I'm going to try and do that again, though I make no promises, especially with the length and density of today's text.

Here is the first speech from today, September 30:

Vampires are real! We have proof ourselves, but even if we didn't, historical records provide evidence of their existence. I didn’t think they existed at first, but due to my long years of learning to keep an open mind, I finally believed in them when there was proof. If I had known what I know now about Dracula, or at least guessed it, Lucy may have lived.

But Lucy's fate is over, so we can only work now to save others and their souls. Vampires do not die after biting once. He only grows stronger, becoming more powerful to do evil. Dracula is as strong as twenty men; he is more cunning than mortal humans, for his smarts have grown over time. He still has the power of death magic, and can command the dead. He is a savage being, and more than a savage being; he is callous like the devil and has no love in his heart; he can appear, with limits, whenever and wherever, and in many forms; he can, within a certain range, control the weather; he can control lowly, evil animals; he can change size; and he can disappear and appear without you knowing.

How are we to even begin fighting him? How will we find where he is, and then destroy him? My friends, this is a lot; it is a terrible thing to do, and there may be terrible consequences. For if we fail, he will win, and then what happens to us? I do not fear death. But if we fail, it is not just life and death. We will become vampires like him; we will become the evil of the night - with no love or morality, feeding on the bodies and souls of our loved ones. We can never enter heaven. We will live forever, hated by everyone; an evil against God’s goodness and Jesus, who died for our sins.

But we are faced with duty; must we reject this duty? For me, no; but I am old, and most of my life is already over. The rest of you are young. Some of you have suffered, but happier days are ahead.

The short version is that vampires exist, Dracula himself has a long list of supernatural powers that make him a dangerous enemy, the consequences of failing to destroy him will be that the team gets turned into vampires with damned souls unable to enter heaven forever, and this is their solemn duty, but there is hope in the future.

[realbebopblues]

aw shit here we go again!! i feel like i always write such kind things to myself and i genuinely love that. "life is so long, life is so short, it is your own, and you need to live it to the fullest." so true 2022 samantha! anyways, gosh 2023 has been a year. again, i'm struggling on where to start. a lot happens in one year. i will say i did get back into art! i started taking a class at mrs b's again and it's been very fun and much needed even if the timing isn't always great with my schedule. i don't do a ton of art, but my brain is shifting back over and itching for creation. i left the lab and distanced myself from that friend that was a terrible friend. one of my coworkers from the lab passed and i never got closure so i'm still sad about her a lot. i started subbing, but was jobless for a good chunk of the year. i'm honestlu sucking at being an adult bc of course my mental health is continuously on the delcine and i'm not sure i like the path i'm on. actually, i know i don't like it and i'm trying to figure out what i should do about that, but for the most part i'm standing still instead of taking action. i don't know why everything is so difficult for me and the world feels so untangible, unattainable, unreal. it seems i have tied myself down and convinced myself everything is out of reach. why? i don't know. that's a huge thing -- i wish that i can sort out my life in 2024 and get myself on a path more suitable for me.

ahhhhhh as i'm typing this jesse just messaged all of us (as in the siblings a really nice message. here's the update: he was doing really bad and it reached a breaking point. everything is crashing down on him and it's really sad. i hope this will spark real change for him and i have to believe it can, but i know that healing isn't always linear. anyways ahhhhhh that's my son. things were really scary the past few days and hopefully in the new year things will only go up from there :)

i can't lie what happened is adding fuel to the flame that is my anxieties and depression over my life and i again feel very lost and ready to give up. i guess i keep going.

okay so other things this year: i didn't read much. i only read 15 books/collections. i did find more favorites, mainly from toni morrison. i leaned on music A LOT this year. i listened to about 41 albums new to me, 7 albums from 2023, and like probably 10+ eps. i definitely understand music more and have a better ear for what i like. i actually think it's really cool. i've become obsessed with rate your music and i'm forever obsessed with lastfm ofc.

i start student teaching in january so hopefully that goes well. we'll see.

right now i'm sitting on the love seat with natasha. sarah is sorting her kpop shit on the floor. we were listening to forever 1 and now we're listening to 4 walls. i'm gonna go buy a mario game with josh after i finish this to surprise jesse and then i'll plan a card and finish up my school shit (logging hours, maybe contacting my student teaching teacher).

breakdown of the siblings -jesse: sarah works at sarang, left heine, runs photocards, obsessed with zb1 (boys planet was fun). sav: not wanting to graduate, worried for the future, wanting to leave heine. josh: working at graeter's, doing pretty well.

this has got to be the most disorganized letter and i'm probably leaving a million things out. i feel more cynical this year. i did leave something out: that disgusting war that keeps going and going. the world leaders are disgusting and pathetic. it's unbelievable really. who knows what lies ahead for this world. i want to do more. that is a wish i think i have for 2024: do more and be more involved with politics. read more and learn more. be more engaged. i was for a while, and then i shamefully fell into my own selfish hole. maybe that's another wish: get help for your mind. you really need it.

wow i'm mean to me this year! 2024 samantha there's a lot on your plate and whether you give up or push through i hope the result is something desirable to you something to be proud of. i wish to be more of myself this coming year too. i want to sing from the tops of the roof i am lgbt and i want to find love within myself and with someone to hold. yeah i'm yearning. anyways samantha this life, you can do anything with it. even if you convinced yourseld you can't, you have to blieve you can and you have to grasp it and live it. you have to mold it to you and let go of all these contraints. find confidence, acceptance, and love and hold onto it and give it to others. cherish this world and all its life. crave out your place and roam if you need to. be kind to people and think, think, think. i want to end this letter and i'm sorry it's not as sugary sweet, i want so much, i feel so much, i carry so much, and now i'm asking so much. just try. like i said, just breathe and you can command your life.

to the samantha that is now entering 2020, i hope 2019 was better than 2018, but that you accomplished even more. and i hope youre enjoying a new album from miss taeyeon :)

if you rmr, right now youre in the car listening to bts w mother and savannah on your way to see your great grandmother. you have work later, but hopefully by this time you have a different job. maybe ill write more but this is it for now going into the nursing home!!!

[guigz1-coldwar]

"Redemption": The Epilogue for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out!

Chapter Summary: A week passed in Yirina's life as she reflects on her own life & events that happened in a few months, have a talk with a few of her friends before the talk with her love to decide on the future…

To read it on AO3, click here!

Words: +3200

Taglist: @snowgoldwaylon , @clxudtea , @efingart, @chrystallenex

----------------------------------------------------------------------

A week later

9th September 1984

It's been a week now since the last main operation has been done and since that day, I could feel better even if a part of me know that the threat was not over but another part of me was sure that it will not come back until a long time and to be honest, I don't know what to feel about this...maybe that I shouldn't think too much about this and try to focus ahead of me for the moment...to say that I'm getting at the end of this book...

I wrote so much...draw so much since I got my hands by this doctor...Doctor Krimilov, I was sad to learn of his death and I feel bad about this...it's thanks to that man that I could write down every memory that my head managed to catch over the last few months...and this book is having them noted on each page with details, some sketches of the place I could remember and the faces I saw...so much in this book and it's only a part of my life I could get back...I'll need more time...and I look forward to it...

Right now, on the 9th of September 1984, the situation in Verdansk has greatly improved and if some of Perseus' fanatical soldiers were still around the city, the skirmishes were less present, and more missions of helping the civilians were made. Sadly, we had to part ways with Viktoria a day after our operation, considering that her mission in the region was done and she left to an unknown location and gave us thanks before leaving...and since that day, we were back at the CIA's HQ...wondering what's going to happen next...

Damn...I'm getting right to the end of the book, I didn't think at all that the memories I could gather until were going to take over a single diary...maybe the drawing didn't help but I couldn't help myself. However, I'm sure that once we got back to England and maybe shortly, I'll start another diary for my memories and this time, I think that it will be more clear...let's hope so...this is the end...time to close a chapter...

"Hey," One tap with the pen over the very last word of the diary from me before I could hear a voice in front of me as I'm laid against one of the nearest trees of the headquarter tent. "Hey, Yirina, head up," The voice adds, prompting me to do as it said and discover Sims, leaning towards me. "Were you sleepy while trying to write down?" He asks with his hands on his waist.

"If I slept during writing something, I'm not sure it will be good to look at," I scoff with a little laugh, checking that I didn't make a mistake before I close down the book. "I just finished that diary, no more space to write anything," I say, starting to get up before Sims moves his right hand at me, helping me to get up.

"Really? When did you start that by the way?" He demands once I was up on my feet.

"Back in March," I reply to him and his face shows signs of surprise before giving out a little laugh, the same one as me. 

"Damn, you got busy," He laughs before he gives me a head gesture away, starting to follow him to surely go inside the headquarters tent. "Do you think that one day, I would have a chance to read it?" 

"And see how I draw you?" I tell him, getting next to the entrance but he stops at my words, raising his right eyebrow to me.

"You draw me?" I nod. 

"I did...but I don't remember well," I respond with the truth, unable to remind myself when I did draw him...maybe it was in the US...impossible to put my finger on it. "You know what? I'll tell you when you'll be able to read it, okay?" I propose as a deal and hopefully, for me, he accepts that, giving me a nod but keeping a curious face about the fact I draw him. 

"Yeah, you better keep your promise," He warn me with a good tone in his voice before we finally enter the tent, nobody around except the two of us.

"And you? What about the flamethrower you promised me?" I remind him, of a thought that came back a day ago after passing next to the camp armory where an old flamethrower from the war was found and brought back here. 

"Once I got to see that face you made," He pointed his finger at me with a grin on his face while walking to the other side of the table before he stops in front of me, putting his hands on the table to look with me over the map. "Anyway, you told me earlier before you went writing to give you a little update for you & Park and...where is she by the way?" He asks me.

"She said she needed a moment alone so it's better to let her, I can tell everything," I reply, Park, telling me earlier that she wanted to get her head clear in a spot away from the camp that only me & her use to go. "So, what's the deal?" I gesture with my head to the map.

"Well, as you maybe heard from me today, Hudson took Mason, Woods & Adler to the city, you know, with those mysterious bunkers some of our teams found," Sims starts, moving his right index over a location in the downtown district of the city. "It said to be belonging to the Germans back from the war and the explosions kinda exposed some of them so, we're going to investigate them," 

"And the Russians?" I demand, not having heard anything from the KGB since yesterday.

"The KGB's pulling out, they've done here and thankfully, our mole inside will close the eyes of our presence here, we're free," Sims assumes, making a circle towards the old location where the KGB was located before, now empty. "I also heard that you, Park & your friends leave in 2 days right?" 

"We leave tomorrow in the evening, Park wanted us to be back to London and give a full report of the situation," I explain myself on that situation, remembering my relieved face when I learned of our departure to get back home in my head. "After that, I don't know what will happen but we either stay on duty and are given a new mission or have some vacations...I don't care as long as we're away from here," I add before raising my head at him. "You?" Sims looks a bit sad on his face to learn that we leave but he wasn't going to show it completely.

"I'm leaving once we got to know what those Germans bunkers are holding, I'm gonna let Hudson take the commands once he's back, I can't hold being the boss around," He says with a breath, passing his left hand on his face and then, removing his cap to let his hand pass through his hair. "Well, I think it's good now," He sighs. "I think you want to see your friend, Zasha at the infirmary, I don't want to hold you enough, you know what to do, right?"

"Yeap, I'm going with Park in the night to one of the bunkers in the city near the port, got it," I nod at him, knowing well of the order before I got ready to leave the tent to see Zasha but then, Sims moves his hand forwards, looking for a shake. 

"Thank you, Yirina," Sims mutters, a smile on his face and then, I got my right hand in front before shaking hands, also a smile on my face. 

"Thank you, Sims," I repeat on my side during our shake, me letting out a breath and giving a finger salute to him before we broke the shake and then, starting to turn around to leave the tent and move away.

The ambiance of the camp was seeming so different now from the first moment we got in days ago. The camp was no longer seeing agitated with lots of soldiers & vehicles moving around, seeming calmer than before because the numbers of soldiers here were reduced, either moving to outposts around the city or able to leave and get back to their homes, and so on...it was going to be me, Park, Zasha & Portnova's turn to pack our bags & return home...

I arrived at the infirmary after a few moments of walking, it wasn't too far from the other tent, close to the one we were using to sleep and it was looking empty with the only exception of Zasha who was one of the few still in it, laying down on a bed with their right arm covered in a bandage and a brand new black eyepatch over their right eye...

"Hey, Zed," I wave my left hand towards them to announce myself as I was arriving near them who were looking in the other way

"Yirina!" They exclaim with happiness in their voice, having let them with Portnova for the day until now. 

"Where's Portnova?" I ask, next to their bed as she's nowhere around them, an empty chair that is usually Portnova's spot when she's visiting Zasha.

"She left to get me a coffee,  she should be back in a minute," Zasha replied, giving a gesture towards the direction I just come from as I decides to sit down on the bed at their left, no one on it. 

"Didn't you suppose to not have coffee before going back to London?" I let out a joke off me.

"Yirina, I'm not sick, I'm just...I have a wounded arm and an eye behind an eyepatch," They gave out a funny sigh from their mouth, rolling their eyes around. "But I'm doing good, the arm's doing okay but the eye is surely gonna take time," They add, pointing towards their eyepatch with their free hand. "I can't wait to get back home and see my little Beans back," 

"Me too," I smiled, missing the strokes I was giving to Beans now that her name was back into my mind before the smile I got slowly disappeared at the names coming into my mind. "Shit..."

"What?" Zasha says.

"I...about Dedov..." I whisper, passing my hand through my face about this...I remember that it was hard for Zasha to accept this fact but...Dedov who wasn't here despite the promise I made...it's sad. "I'm sorry," I apologize for that, feeling that this promise was broken.

"It's okay...I tried my best but...Dedov told me..." Zasha starts to say, cutting themselves to take a deep breath. "He told me that even if he doesn't trust me...he will try to keep in contact with us...he said he will find a way..."

"Yes, I know," I murmured at this, a revelation that Zasha declared to us two days ago but still...it was hard to admit that Dedov wasn't going to get back to us easily...but there's hope. "At least, he can come back," I admit, giving myself some hope.

"Yes," Zasha nods at me, a grin on their face and looking curious. "And...your friend...Lazar?"

"They...Uhm..." I scratch my head. "Sims told me yesterday that the CIA has to make checks about him and find a way to remove the brainwashing...it's complicated but it says it will take a long time before he goes back to normal," I resume, a bit happy on the side that Lazar was found but still affected by the brainwashing, hope still in for him. "It will be good, I hope," 

"He will don't worry...I can't wait to meet him once he will be okay," They declare about Lazar with a little smile and enthusiasm, something that I could give back.

"He's a nice guy...you should watch however about his hugs, they're nice but don't get used to it," I advises them with a laugh before I could hear behind me from a few meters, some footsteps and I turn around to see Portnova coming with a cup of coffee between her hands. "Hey, Portnova," I say with the same smile.

"Hey, good to see you there," Portnova smiled back at me, arriving next to us and passing in front of me to give Zasha their coffee. "As you asked, Zeze," She whispers as the two looks each other in the eyes during the exchange.

"Thank you, Yiri," Zasha thanks her, taking the coffee in their hands before Portnova moves to sit on her usual chair.

"So, what were the two talking about?" She demands from us. 

"About the future," I speak up first, preferring to avoid the subject of Dedov with her. "We were talking about Beans," I claim at her, Zasha giving out a nod to approve of that.

"Oh nice," Portnova looked enthusiast at this, giving a glare between us. "You don't need to worry, it's a teacher friend of mine who's taking care of Beans so it will be okay, we'll have her back once we're back to London," She affirms, moving her hands on her lap as I & Zasha were looking at her. "Is the departure still for tomorrow?" She then drifts her eyes towards me.

"Yes," I nod, confirming this. "They'll give us a plane that will make a stop in Munich & then Brussels before arriving in London, the flight's tomorrow in the evening," I gave out in detail the plan of tomorrow, seeing on their face their relief of leaving that region for good...something that we all share now. "I need however to go on a small mission with Park tonight, an old bunker in the city, it should be fine," 

"Oh okay," Zasha says.

"Where is she? I didn't see her today," Portnova asks, turning her head around.

"Well...Uhm...she needs some time to think on her side...Uhm...I think that I should go and see, we didn't talk too much today," I expressed my concern while deciding to go up from the bed, looking to the tent entrance. "I'll leave you to talk...I need to check Park,"

"You'll come back later, Yirina?" Zasha demands in a worried voice.

"I will, Zasha, before we leave for the city," I respond, my eyes back on the two before giving out a small grin to them. "See you later...be positive," I advise with a small nod as I start to walk away from them out of the tent, seeing the two gettings closer while I was getting out before I was out of sight of them...leaving me to see Park.

I wasn't worried too much about Park as she was looking fine to me since our last operation but her moments of being alone were indeed getting more present over the past few days and she never told me why she was spending those moments alone in that spot I knew well along with her...I walked towards that spot by taking a small dirt path that was leading up to a cliffside overlooking the camp and walking through that path, at the beginning of the evening, a few hours before our mission was feeling a bit...weird for me in a good way.

Finally, after a short moment of thinking and walking on that path, I arrived at that spot and I found her...at the same spot she was always sitting on...sit on the ground, her back against a fallen tree, looking away at the horizon over the camp and the sea not far away from the site...she was looking to think in her head but something was telling me she was aware of my presence, soon confirmed by her left blue eye moving at me...a direct smile coming out as I was closing in towards her.

"You can sit down...I was waiting for you," She affirms, making a little tap at her left on the ground to make me sit.

"Thank you...love," I murmured, moving to the place she tapped to slowly sit, crossing my legs once I was on the ground and looking away at her same direction as her.... this view is indeed beautiful...a fresh air on my face skin... refreshing..."Refreshing, isn't it?"

"Yes, is it," Park says, soon feeling her arms wrapping themselves around myself my shoulders and then, her head on top of my right shoulder. "You know...I was thinking about us...how do you think we would have met if you...well...if no one of this happened?" She demands in a low & curious voice and this...I don't know what to answer here...

"I don't know...I don't see anything else..." I said, unable to give a proper response than that. "I don't even know if we would have met outside of anything that happened to me," I presume with a small shrug of my left shoulder while my right arm moved behind Park's back. "But I think that...we should focus on what the future will hold us now," 

"You sure?" Park whispers.

"Yes...why?" I ask.

"I...I still feel guilty about what happened, I know we...talked about this a lot but...I still have that pain," She declares with her voice that was still sounding guilty...and I needed to reassure her of one sure thing I knew.

"You don't deserve to be guilty...you were redeemed since the moment you forgive yourself...since we love each other," I admit again at her, proving my profound love of the woman whose arms are wrapped around me at the moment. "I believed in your redemption as the others did... the past is the past, things were done but it doesn't change the fact that I...love...you...you're the woman of my life and I need you," I breathed as I could see her right hand without her glove, one of its finger having the very ring of my mother around it..."You're a strong woman and I know that,"

"You too," She chuckled, feeling her hands in a better way around me as if she didn't want to lose me, something I could understand. "And...I believed in your redemption too...everything that happened from the moment you came back until now showed me that you're the person I needed the most," She tell me, and...honestly, to think about it...I think that she was truly right...for once, I could feel redeemed for good...the guilty of my past as a Perseus agent was removed..."I just need you to be there for me and...I need to be there for you," 

"I need you too," I says, moving my arms around her to affirm my words, closing my eyes for a few seconds before getting them back open, fully moved as we were both looking at the horizon. "I love you, Park,"

"I love you, Yiri," She affirms in her low voice before we look at each other, both eyes moved, and then, I softly pull her for a little kiss on the lips...feeling for the first time, real freedom...finally...a redemption...a kiss than soon ended by both us going back to look at the horizon...both of us thinking about the future, our friends, our opportunities and our redemptions we finally got...we finally got...

The Redemption of our spirits.

-------------------------------------------

Well…after more than 181 chapters…the story of Yirina Grigoriev…is done…

I can't really believe that I did so much for Yirina…and I can't really believe too that the story came to an end after so long…more than a year after this story was launched as a reboot of an old CW story I did…a year…more than 620000 words…181 chapters. Honestly, I didn't think at all that I was going to make a story this long and that's what I did…

It's getting me very emotional that the story of my OC Bell is arriving at its end. A page of my writing story is closing down and a new one is opening…I learned so much from writing this story, meeting a lot & lot of new friends coming from the community…this story is & will always stay inside of my heart as the longest but as the one I put all of my heart into it…

I did this story to give to you all, Yirina Grigoriev and her love story with Helen Park who was for me, the second main character of this fic and the most important one alongside Yirina. Park is the COD character I appreciate the most in the franchise now and it was obliged from me to make Yirina go with her…their story is maybe done for the moment but maybe for the next Black Ops, their story will continue…but the future will tell us what's happening…

So…I already said this but it's sad & emotional for me to arrive at the end of this fic…not believing again that I finished after a year of work…a year and a lot of chapters…I wasn't believing it when I arrived at the 100th chapter and now…it just made me all happy and sad to get this story concluded after 181 chapters…

Now, it's time for me to….shit…to close this long story once & for all and move on to write new fan fictions in the future…Yirina Grigoriev's story came to an end but she will surely come back in the future too. For the moment, I wish you all a big, big thank you for having follow her story from the cliff of Solovetsky until that moment with Park in Verdansk…you're all amazing and your support means a lot for me…you're all the best people I met in years and I hope that our story will continue for a long time…

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Cordially

GuiGZ1

[ddagent]

I'm not a greedy person DD, I swear. But now you got me yearning for a scene where Tywin puts 2 and 2 together once he learns Oathkeeper is gone. Like maybe everyone expected for him to be like "fetch me that woman's head"; instead he's sending a raven to Tarth, with a marriage proposal in Jaime's name.

So, part of follow-up February is going back through old prompts; some of them submitted weeks, months – maybe even a year ago! This one called to me as I’m in a Lannister-family mood. I hope you enjoy it, Anon! 

The capital was in disarray. King Joffrey was dead. His uncle, Jaime’s brother, had been accused of his murder. The King’s Hand, Jaime’s father, had disappeared from King’s Landing on urgent business. No one knew where Tywin Lannister was. All Jaime knew was that he had been called into his father’s study, Tywin’s gaze had narrowed on the sword at his hip, and then he’d left suddenly, leaving Uncle Kevan in charge. 

“Ser Jaime, your father wishes to see you.” 

The lion has returned. Jaime merely nodded at the young squire and made his way through the halls of the Red Keep. Hopefully, they were to discuss Tyrion’s trial. He knew that Tyrion wasn’t responsible for Joffrey’s murder; convincing his father and sister of that fact would be more difficult than learning how to fight again. Still, he had hope as he entered the Tower of the Hand. Hope that died when it saw the sword sitting atop his father’s desk. 

Oathkeeper. 

“Missing something?” 

Tywin Lannister emerged from the shadows and planted himself on the throne behind the desk. His gaze lingered on the Valyrian steel blade before turning his attentions to Jaime. His father was watching him, weighing up Jaime’s reaction to the sudden appearance of the sword. Jaime just froze. He’d handed Brienne that sword; had placed his faith and trust and honour in her. And here was the sword. No Brienne. Where’s Brienne, Father?” 

“Father—”

“You don’t have to explain,” Tywin began, leaning back in his chair. “It’s clear what happened. You trusted someone outside the family because she brought you back to King’s Landing. But Lady Tarth is loyal to the Baratheons and the Starks. It’s why she stole your sword and absconded from the city. It’s why she murdered Joffrey. It’s why—”

Jaime’s head snapped up. “Brienne did not kill Joffrey. Believe me, Father, if she wanted to kill you, she’d do it with a sword, not poison in a cup.”

“But she did steal your sword.” Jaime opened his mouth to protest again, but Tywin waved him away. “She stole your sword. And you, being the honourable idiot that you are, did not tell anyone about this grievous theft until she had already left King’s Landing. Luckily for you, I noticed the absence of the sword and her disappearance and managed to piece it together.” 

“You’re wrong.”

Tywin raised a single eyebrow. “Am I? Because my men tracked her down along the King’s Road, and when I rode out to confront her, she had your sword. Along with Tyrion’s former squire, a horse, and a custom-made set of blue armour.”

Jaime crossed to the desk. His fingertips hovered above the sword; above the blade he had placed into Brienne’s hands. Oathkeeper. For both of them: a knight who had long stopped believing in honour and a knight who thought there might still be some left in the world. He should have given her the blade and kept the scabbard. He should have come up with some mummer’s farce about being jumped by the assailants that had poisoned Joffrey. 

He should have gone with her. 

“Where’s Brienne now?” 

Tywin stared straight through him. “Lady Tarth is a thief. She stole from the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard. What do you believe I did with her?” 

His brother was the smartest of the Lannister siblings. His sister thought she was the smartest but could only see one move ahead while Tyrion could see three. Their father outstripped them both in intelligence and ruthlessness. Jaime was just a knight. He knew when to feint; when to charge. He knew when his opponent was leading him into a trap, and he knew when there was no fight left. Watching his father, Jaime knew that this was all a game to reveal his underbelly. 

What is this woman to you?

Jaime took the seat in front of Oathkeeper. “Lady Brienne Tarth, despite her dubious alliances, is the only heir of Lord Selwyn Tarth. The remaining Stormlands lords look to him for guidance with Renly dead and Stannis...wherever Stannis is. You wouldn’t have killed a highborn woman, and you don’t truly suspect her of stealing my sword. Not when, I’m sure, Brienne told you that I gave it to her.” 

The corner of Tywin’s mouth twitched. “She did.” 

“You know what it means that I gave it to Brienne.”

“You care for her. Deeply.” His father would never do something so unseemly as squirm, but he was not impressed that Jaime had ruined his little game. “If your events on the road had not convinced me, your handing over a Valyrian steel sword was enough.” 

“I see. So why disappear from King’s Landing? Why track her down on the King’s Road? Did you want the sword back so badly?” 

Tywin pursed his lips. “I wanted to offer her the position of Lady of Casterly Rock.” Jaime’s eyes widened. “You cannot think I would ignore the first woman you have ever shown any feelings towards. I offered her your hand. She refused. Thankfully, her father saw better sense.”

It was then that Jaime caught sight of the letters scattering his father’s desk. On all of them was a blue wax seal with a moon and a starburst. “Apparently, Lady Brienne wrote to her father during her last stay in the capital. She mentioned you. Often.”

“She–she did?” Jaime said, a hopeful lilt to his voice that he instantly loathed himself for. He tried to glance upon Lord Selwyn’s letters, but his father shuffled them into a pile. 

Tywin shook his head at his behaviour. “If you want the woman, Jaime, go get her. I will not sit here and watch you moon over a highborn woman when you both could be wed.”

Drawing in a breath, Jaime pushed down his feelings: the turmoil over the possibility of Brienne being harmed; the flutter of a future together. “Brienne won’t agree. She swore an oath to Lady Stark.” 

His father’s sigh was deafening. “Lady Tarth has already agreed to marry you. Considering your disfigurement, that bloody cloak, and the ugly rumours concerning you and your sister, I was quite happy to agree to her demands.” Tywin paused. “After you both are wed, you shall track down your brother’s wife and bring her to stay with you at Casterly Rock. Sansa and your brother will both stay there. It’s best that Tyrion leave the capital, even now that Lord Bolton has been found guilty of Joffrey’s murder.”

What? “Lord Bolton?”

“Yes. Apparently, he kidnapped Sansa with the intention of marrying her off to his bastard son and claiming the North for himself. He poisoned Joffrey as a distraction. We will collect his head in due time. The other one of your intended’s requests has already been met by my man in Winterfell.” 

“And what was that?”

Tywin pointed in the direction of a wooden casket on a nearby table. Jaime rose from his seat and lifted the lid. In a bed of straw lay a severed head, the eyes wide and white. Jaime had hoped to never see that face again after leaving Harrenhal, although he’d entertained daydreams of doing the deed himself. His golden hand to club him; his left hand to thrust a sword in his belly. Jaime would have to find a new daydream now that Locke was dead. 

Closing the lid of the casket, he realised that would not be a problem. 

“Lady Tarth is waiting with her squire in the gardens overlooking Blackwater Bay. I would suggest you go to her.” Jaime nodded and moved to leave, still in a daze from all that had happened. “And don’t forget her sword. She’s a Lannister, now, after all.” 

Jaime waited until he was outside before he smiled.

[rosetintedgunman]

✨ ( i’m only sending this bc i know you’ll save it for when i need it most but if u don’t put one in my inbox - )

You absolutely know me well enough but I followed through on your threat so I can do this mwahaha

@sunstouch

-

True to your choice of alias, you are a ray of sunshine to this entire community. And I mean that. Your bright energy is infectious, and it's little wonder that there's nothing but positivity surrounding you when others are thinking about you. You've been friendly and encouraging, and making sure that everyone's had a good starting point no matter how new they are to the fandom. As a certified oldie in the rpc, it's so nice to see it. Positive influences like you are what's needed for the future.

(This isn't hindered by what's going on IRL. In fact, I'm happy that you aren't trying to juggle high activity and busyness. The last thing you need is a complete burnout. Hopefully by the time this appears you're due a mini break of some sort - you absolutely deserve it.)

As for your writing... I think that should be an obvious one. I ADORE you dorky spaceboi. Mark is such a silly, lively character that's brought a smile to the face of each of my characters that have met him. Gin is so much fun! I've not had a chance to do a lot myself, but it's been a joy to see him. He's an expert fourth wall breaker, so well done on that one! And then Starchild. I am so very interested in having uncle-nephew interactions when the opportunity arises, but there's no rush in that regard.

I know there's not a lot I can do, but I am here to support you in any way I can. Whether that's just through sending silly asks, or being there late at night if you need someone to message. It's still a long road ahead for you, but you won't be alone. I promise.

BONUS:

-

"I think I've made my stance pretty clear. I'm takin' Gin an' helpin' 'em learn 'bout their abilities. I know it's not th' Gin that everyone else knows but that's not th' point. I'll still care fer that Gin even if it ends up with me gettin' in some sorta trouble. Gin is somethin' special. I know I'm never gonna understand th' full extent of it all, but I wanna help him figure that all out, or at least help teach th' skills ta do so.

Mark's gotta be a puppy. There's no way he's just a normal person. He's at least a third puppy. He's even got them cute little puppy-dog eyes! C'mon, how could anyone be mad at him?? I wanna smush his cheeks together an' give him a lollipop.

Star... I wanna get ta know him, Sun. When th' time's right, I wanna help babysit, or show him new things. He deserves th' world, an' then some.

As fer you! I like ya! Yer fun an' give me th' impression that yer really enjoyin' yerself. When yer proper breaks come, I hope yer able ta properly chill out. Yer a special sunbeam. Don't lose that brightness, okay?"

[imaginationintowords]

Folklore [song series]

mirrorball

Modern Day AU! Steve Rogers x OC!Reader

Plot: Inspired by Taylor Swift’s new album folklore. The story follows the timeline of Bucky and Elizabeth’s life throughout the years.

Word count: 2110

[a/n: thanks for being patient with me! hope you guys enjoy this new chapter! if i forgot to tag you please inbox me]

previous part

Series Masterlist

Age: 20

Location: Brooklyn, NY

Year: Summer 2014

Steve flopped down onto his bed, tired after today's events. Elizabeth softly laid down next to him, Steve wrapped his arm around her bringing her closer to his chest.

"Today was a day," he tiredly says.

"You okay?" She asked him.

After Bucky had left there was a sadness aura that followed Steve for the rest of the party. He had no clue what he had expected Bucky's reaction to be, but definitely not the one he got. He had even prepared himself fo a fight, he was grateful that didn't happen. He just wasn't expecting for Bucky to shut down and leave. Not even accepting his offer of having a conversation later.

He knew that Bucky just needed his space, time to think it all over. But the look on Bucky's face had Steve questioning whether or not he would ever come around.

It threw Steve off when Bucky requested that he breakup with Elizabeth. He couldn't believe his best friend would want his own happiness to suffer.

His whole life he had done everything possible to keep Bucky happy. After what Bucky and his family had to go through with his father, Steve made it his mission to never let his friend feel that way again. Granted he was only 7 when he made that promise to himself, he still kept it.

Steve had never put himself first, at least not until he had made the decision to go to school in California. He had even thought about changing his plans after his breakup with Elizabeth but he knew his parents would've been disappointed with that decision.

He had put Bucky first his entire life, what he's doing isn't selfish. Yet he can't help but feel like the most selfish person ever.

What if he was keeping Elizabeth from truly being happy? What if she just didn't want to break his heart? What if she just didn't want to break his heart during a family event? What if come tomorrow she would tell him the truth, that she was really still in love with Bucky.

He's not sure he could handle that heartbreak.

"Want to tell me what's going on in that head of yours?" Elizabeth asked, breaking Steve from his self destructive thoughts.

"I won't be mad if you still love him," Steve says, "I'd understand."

Elizabeth quickly sat up to get a look of Steve's face to make sure he was being serious. It nearly broke her to see how defeated he looked. She's never seen him so down, not even after his breakup with Peggy.

"You don't have to pretend to save my feelings," he continues, "If it meant you were happy, that's all I care about. If being with Bucky makes you happy, then please don't let me stand in the way."

"Oh Steve," she gently caresses his face, staring down at him, "I wasn't lying earlier when I told Bucky that I didn't love him anymore. And i most definitely wasn't lying when I said that I love you, because I do love you, with my whole heart. You make me happy. The happiest I've ever been. Bucky was my past. You are my now, and hopefully my future.

"If you can't see how truly great you are, then I must not be doing my job as not only your girlfriend, but you're friend," she says, "Because you make me feel special every single day. And I just want you to feel the way you've made me feel."

"It's not your fault," Steve softly says, grasping her hand to place a kiss on her knuckles.

"Growing up I've always been second to Bucky," he explains, "Everyone seemed to prefer him over me. Whether it was girls or just our friends. It was always Bucky then Steve."

Elizabeth takes a moment to think back on their time growing up. She couldn't help but feel guilty when she realized that everything Steve is saying is true.

After she and Bucky got together, Steve sort of became an after thought, not because they purposefully excluded him, it never crossed their mind simply because Steve also had Peggy at the time. But after Peggy left, Elizabeth never really got to talk to Steve about how he felt, because she got caught up in her own drama.

"Steve, I'm so sorry," she apologizes, "I should've known then about how you felt. I was so caught up in my own shit, I never realized that you could've been going through your own stuff."

"Liz, it was never your fault," he says, "You were going through your own stuff. And I had learned to suppress it. Plus Bucky was your boyfriend at the time, of course i wasn't really on your mind. Plus it's kind of my fault for allowing it to happen. I never spoke up about it. I just always went along, figuring it was better than nothing."

"Once I got to Berkeley that's when everything changed," his mood shifts a bit to a much lighter feel, "I no longer felt like the shadow of a person. I felt like my own person for the first time ever. I was able to become someone I never thought possible. I am no longer 'scrawny Steve, Bucky's best friend'. I just became 'Steve' or 'Rogers'."

Elizabeth smiled at the way Steve's eyes lit up when talking.

"I had never imagined myself leaving New York, let alone making the permanent move to California," he confesses, "As much as I love it here, California is where I feel I belong. I know you feel it too."

Elizabeth nods her head agreeing with him. She felt the same way, as much as New York was her childhood home, California was where she felt her heart aching for. Where she felt like she belonged, where she could thrive. The more she spent time there, the more it felt like home, that's why moving there wasn't a tough decision for her.

"Coming back here," Steve says, causing Elizabeth to shift back her focus on him, "It just makes me feel like that scrawny kid all over again. I feel like no matter how hard I try to shed that image, Brooklyn will never see me for who I am now, but for who I was then. Like no matter what I do I will always be 'little' Steve Rogers."

"I know you feel it too," he says looking up at her.

She did. She did feel stuck in the past whenever she came back home. It seemed like life stood still here, while outside of Brooklyn everything is moving ahead. She knows it's only because she grew up there, and had nothing to do with Brooklyn itself. Once she was in California, she got a taste of life outside of Brooklyn, and she's not sure if she would want to go back. So moving there was an easier choice for her to make.

"I do," she agrees, "It's why moving to California was an easy decision for me to make."

"I wasn't even sure I was even going to make it to California," he says.

"Why is that?"

"Felt like I was disappointing my parents," he confesses, "We had always discussed me going to Columbia as a pre-med major. That had been the original plan. It wasn't like they were forcing it on me. More like I was forcing it onto myself.

"It was the 'safer' choice, granted the longer one, but in the end it all would've been worth it. For some reason as a child I believed that was the only way my parents would've been proud of me. Regardless of the fact that they were already proud and would tell me constantly. I just put that pressure on myself."

"It wasn't until junior year that Mr. Lawson, my high school art teacher said I should apply to some art schools," he continues, "Then after I had a long discussion with the guidance counselor she agreed as well, saying I would get in no problem with whatever art field I applied in.

"I never really gave my drawing much thought. It was just something I would do. Also a career in art is not exactly financially stable, or at all stable. But I figured it wouldn't hurt to apply to a couple of schools as an architecture major. Never really gave it a second thought."

Steve pauses, "I did get into Columbia."

"Steve, no fucking way," Elizabeth gasp sitting up straighter, "I never even heard."

"That's because I only told my parents," he says, "I got the acceptance email the same day I got NYU's and Berkeley's, where I hadn't applied as pre-med, which my parents didn't know of at the time."

"Wow," Elizabeth responds feeling herself become speechless. She had only known about NYU and Berkeley. She knew about NYU because that was the plan, they, including Bucky had discussed Freshman year. Back when she was still with Bucky, and Steve with Peggy and they all had planned to stay in New York. Before life got complicated.

"When I did get the Berkeley acceptance I had to come clean to my parents about what major I applied under. I was nervous, because a part of me never told them because I was worried I wouldn't get in. So seeing that acceptance it was the assurance I needed. One that really let me know that I could actually do it. And of course my parents were proud."

"Of course," Elizabeth smiles, "They would've been proud if you had decided to not even go to school and just worked in a restaurant."

"That's true," Steve lets out a small laugh, "And I think I more so didn't want to regret the decision. Leaving home to move across the country for a career that could be unstable. It's scary."

"Do you?" Elizabeth asks.

"Do I what?"

"Do you regret it?"

"Not one bit," he smiles, pulling her back down onto his chest.

They laid there in a comfortable silence. Steve ranking his fingers on Elizabeth's arm, feeling himself grow tired.

"I hope you know you're amazing," Elizabeth quietly says looking up at him with pure admiration in her eyes, "That I think you're amazing. I think you're one of the greatest people I have ever known. And if I have to spend my entire life showing you just how amazing I think you are, I will."

Age: 29

Year: 2023

Location: Santa Barbara, CA

Elizabeth giggled as Steve carried her over the threshold into their hotel room for the weekend. He kicked the door closed as he silenced her giggles with a kiss, before placing her on her feet.

"Why thank-you Mr. Rogers."

"You're very welcome Mrs. Rogers," he smiled brightly at his new wife.

Her makeup was slowly fading, hair no longer perfectly done after a night of dancing with their close loved ones. Steve just stares at her lovingly. He ahs never seen her more beautiful and the fact that he gets to be her husband for the rest of his life, he's never felt luckier.

Elizabeth feels his eyes just on her, "What? Do I have something on my face?"

"No, just admiring my beautiful wife," he compliments, causing Elizabeth to blush.

"How about one more dance?" she asks.

"There's no music."

"When I'm with you there's always music," she says holding her hand out for him.

Steve pulled her to him, one hand grasped in her's, while the other lay on her lower back. Elizabeth's head rested on his chest, with Steve's chin softly resting on the top of it.

"You know I think you're amazing," Elizabeth says as they sway softly in each other's arms.

"You might've told me once or twice," he responds.

"Get used to it because I'm going to be telling you that for the rest of our lives."

"Nothing I want more than that," he kisses the top of her head.

"If you'd asked me to runaway with you to join a circus, I would in a heartbeat," she says.

"Oh really? If I lose my job, and having nothing to show for, you'd still be there?"

"Right next to you baby, every step of the way," she says looking up at him, "Plus you won't have nothing to show. You'll have me. You'll have us. With me by your side I'll make sure you never not know how much you mean to me."

"You've made me believe in love again when I thought it wasn't possible. You've made me love myself in a way that I didn't think were possible. You make me a better human being by just being you. I love you Steve, more than anything.

"So if everything were to go to shit, as long as I have you that's all I need. I'll be there reminding you every single day just how special you are to me."

"I love you," Steve smiles as tears fall from his eyes.

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK]

NOTES: Wow, that was quite a response to just reposting the prologue! Hopefully you all enjoy the rest of this fic as much as you've been anticipating it; I know it's been a lot of buildup to it, unintentionally I promise you. Here you go, better late than... well, you get it.

---------------------

The next morning had been a hard one for Anna. School just felt strained and weird without knowing for sure where her mother was. Punz helped her through it, and she managed to do most of her classwork, but her mind kept wandering off.

Tomorrow was the earliest they could report her missing to the police. Of course, she had a feeling that it wouldn't matter one way or the other, but it was the strongest hope that she and her father had. Knowing what they knew about time travel, they had refrained from calling John or Wendy for the time being; she might come back.

She had to come back.

So when she walked into the living room after school and saw her mother sitting on the couch, looking quite weary but whole, safe, normal, she ran into her arms. It didn't even occur to her to ask about her father, or what she was doing there, or anything else. Need overrode curiosity.

"MOM! Oh my god… oh Mom, you completely freaked me out, I didn't know what happened!"

Elsa wrapped her arms around Anna, hugging back just as a tight as a sound halfway between a laugh and a sigh spilled from her lips. "My angel… I'm so sorry for worrying you like that. Really."

Anna felt her eyes well with tears. She had been unwilling to truly face the idea that Elsa was truly gone, but seeing her here threw into sharp relief just how much she had been terrified. Her arms grew tired as she held on, but there was nothing that could make her let go. Not at this moment. Even the mere thought had her arms tightening their hold, squeezing just a little harder.

"Please don't leave again," she said softly. "Not- not without telling me first. Dad- Dad came home last night and we were gonna go to the cops and-"

"Shh…." Elsa hushed her, inhaling deeply. "I promise I'll never do that again without telling you. I'm so sorry, Anna."

Tearfully, Anna drew her head back, just enough so she could look in Elsa's eyes. "Where did you go? Did I… did I do something?"

Oh God. Elsa could see the forty-something version of her daughter, asking that same exact question. "No, no, baby. No you didn't do anything."

"But you just left me…" Anna's words, cracked and small, were also so heartfelt. So sincere in their pain that it made Elsa want to cry, too. How could she even have thought of giving this up? Of leaving the person who, truthfully, had become her entire world?

"I waited until the day your father would come home. That way, you wouldn't be without someone to… look out for your well-being, no matter what came to pass."

Clearing her throat and sniffling, Anna pulled back and gazed at her mother. "What… came to… Mom, what happened? Where did you go?"

"I was figuring some things out. Took a few weeks. And I've come to some decisions." She took a deep breath, then let it out very slowly before she took both of Anna's hands. "I'm not leaving you."

"Okay. I'm… b-but you made it sound like you… wanted to?"

"Not 'wanted'. But I thought it might be best." She released her hands. "However, there are going to have to be a few changes around here."

Still incredibly relieved at not losing her mother, Anna slumped downward. Then she said, "Okay, okay. You want me to stop hitting on you? Is that pretty much it?"

Elsa nodded slightly. "For now. I'm… willing to revisit that at a later date, but you have to promise me something. From now until you are in college, this stops. We have to learn to keep our hands to ourselves. It's going to be difficult, I know; we've already proven that it will be. But that's very important to me. You might technically be of age, but… you're my child, and you live in my house. There's no pretending that won't affect which of us has the power in a… in… well, in a romantic relationship."

"O-oh." Anna wasn't sure what to say. This sounded like bad news, but it also sounded like there was some good news attached. "But… what about when I'm in college?"

Only now did Elsa smile slightly. "Depends. I want you to really take this time to think hard about you and I. We both will. And we'll try our best to be a normal family. I'm never, ever going to stop loving you!" Her smile faltered slightly, and she looked away with red cheeks. "And if, once you're out on your own, not… being 'parented' by me, you still want to be something more than mother and daughter… we can try that. I know it's a long time-"

"Oh, Mom," she breathed, crushing her with her arms again, sore as they still were. "God! Of course, I… oh I'm sorry, I'm so dumb, I kept trying to… I d-don't know, I'm stupid, I'm so stupid!"

"Shhhhhh." It was soothing and sweet, and she kissed the crown of her head. Anna hummed a little through her tears, glad for the gentle gesture. "It's okay. Everything's okay, Anna; you're going to be just fine."

"B-but what if we try it, and I hurt you somehow? Make you sad th-that your daughter is… disgusting?"

"Don't ever think that. Even if I've been a little disgusted by your desires, by my own, that does not mean I think you are 'bad' or… or anything! And it never did. Do you hear me, sweetie? You'll always be my sweet Anna, whether or not I can handle you being my Tori at the same time. Always."

With renewed vigour, Anna hugged her mother so aggressively. Elsa returned the expression – and, where once she would have hesitated, now there was no sign of that reluctance. It was just what Anna needed.

"I should… really call Punz," she said finally. "Let her know what happened."

Elsa's lips quirked. "I should probably ring your father," she said. Still, neither of them moved. If anything, Anna seemed unable to stop herself pressing closer.

"What if… what if I can't?" she whispered. Even in that low tone, it was obvious she was scared – terrified – of something. "You want me to stop until college, but what if I can't? Or, if I slip up? Mom, I can't lose you just because my balls get ahead of my brain sometimes."

Squeezing tight for a second, Elsa chuckled and closed her eyes. "Accidents happen…" she began. It wasn't good enough.

"No! How can we trust that it would even be an accident when I want you so bad? It hurts, Mom!" Anna sniffled. "It hurts to have you so close sometimes when I want so much more but you… don't…"

"Anna, listen to me." Elsa had Anna's face clasped in her hands, giving her the ability to look directly into her eyes. "You have no idea how much I want you. But right now is the wrong moment. For you, for me… and sweetheart, you need to think of Punz, too. That girl adores you. And-" Elsa lowered her voice, though she smiled now, too. "I would love to be her mother one day, too. Well, mother-in-law."

"That still doesn't solve this problem," Anna said. Her words were monotone, but she felt herself blushing at Elsa's suggestion. It was easier to deflect than it was to think on the future and whether or not Punz would be part of hers.

"You're right. But I guess what I've realised is… this problem is not worth me leaving you behind. I want to work on it together. And if we slip up again, we will deal with it like adults. We aren't animals who have no willpower."

"Are you sure?" she asked with a weak laugh. "You came pretty close that morning."

At that, Elsa leaned in and whispered, "I really did. I was very close." The double meaning made Anna's cheeks grow yet rosier. "But I'm serious; I won't try that while I'm 'in charge' of you. That's not right. Even if we try to treat each other equally, we can't be equals until you're out on your own. And I'm not going to let you drop out of school or anything like that, before you ask," she warned.

"Damn, you caught me," Anna hissed, and Elsa chuckled. "Still Mom with your freakin' parenting chess moves, ten steps ahead. Man… that's so long, though."

"Is it? I know it seems that way to you, because you're young."

Sighing, Anna admitted, "Maybe not. And you're right, like… the past couple of weeks have been great! Not just the parts where we flirted, but everything. All three of us hanging out together was nice, too."

"See? We can make that work. And as I said, if I know you're making advances on purpose, then I will have to leave until you've graduated. Just for my own sanity, and to make sure I don't hurt you – and then I'll come back. But a few slip-ups here and there can be forgiven, Anna."

Anna's hand stroked up and down Elsa's side for a moment. Again, she didn't flinch away, but she started to look a little less comfortable, so Anna stopped. "Okay. I… don't really get the whole 'I can't be in charge while we're dating' thing, because like, you parenting me is totally separate. But I do trust you, Mom. So… so I can try it."

"Not as separate as it should be. But thank you, Anna," Elsa said honestly. She was smiling, too, so that was a good sign. "Now I really must contact your father." She got up and was halfway to the kitchen before Anna spoke.

"Hey, Mom?" she asked. Elsa turned.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

Suddenly, Anna felt very gun-shy and guilty. Like she was going to ask her mother for a treat after her father had already said no. "Can I ask a favour?"

"Of course!" Elsa turned more fully towards her daughter, and Anna felt her mouth grow dry. Just for a second, but it was more than enough, really.

Swallowing hard around a lump in her throat, Anna looked away. "Can I… have a kiss?"

Her mother answered with a sigh, but it was more weary than truly upset. "That would seem to defeat the purpose of giving us this dry period, wouldn't it? Unless you just mean a cheek-kiss."

"I didn't," she admitted readily. "Um… and I do kinda get what you mean? Cooling off to make sure this is what we really want, cause we can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. But like, I already did that. The past couple weeks were me trying not to feel things for you, and it didn't work. But if you want to try for longer…"

"I think, if a few more months go by and you still want me the way you did a couple of days ago, then it will prove that we're really intended to be that for each other. And if the feelings fade for you, then won't it be better that we never went too far? That we never… crossed the line that cannot be uncrossed?"

Anna was having trouble wrapping her mind around what Elsa was trying to get through to her. What would be the difference at this point? She already let her go down on her once before, even if it was her younger self and not this mother standing in front of her now. But she supposed there was probably some wisdom in this plan that she simply hadn't considered.

"Just tonight," Anna whispered very quietly. "Like, to get it out of my system. Then tomorrow, we can go back to 'Mom' and 'daughter' and all that, and… see where we end up when I go to college. And I know, I sound like an ungrateful brat, and it's demanding, a-and… I'm sorry. But I think it'll drive me nuts if I never get to touch you from now until I'm out of the house!"

"It's not a good idea, Anna." But she relented. "Fine. But you have to make all the moves. I already basically attacked you in 1985, and now that I really am your mother…"

That part, Anna could understand. Especially after she explained the whole 'being in charge' aspect; if she was worried about wielding power over Anna, she would give it all to her. Smiling, Anna placed her hands on Elsa's waist. "Just a kiss. Maybe it won't even feel right and we won't have to worry about anything more."

Both seemed to realise at the same moment how silly a thought that was. Anna could feel it already, that pull. Her mouth was no longer than dry – no, she was almost salivating at the thought of doing this again. Her cheeks warmed and her heart picked up, trotting in her chest as she took a step closer.

"Just a kiss," Elsa echoed, though her voice had suddenly lost its power.

Biting the inside of her cheek, Anna leaned forward. Elsa wasn't much taller than her – wasn't much taller than she had been in '85 – but still Anna missed. Her lips found Elsa's chin, and Elsa let out a snort of what could have been laughter.

Anna didn't correct herself upward, however. Contrarily, she moved away from Elsa's lips, grazing hers down to lave at her mother's throat.

"Anna…" Elsa tried. It was meant to be a warning, but instead it came out hoarse and throaty. A small noise slipped from Anna as she wrapped her hands more solidly around Elsa's waist. It was more of a hug now, and it had the side effect – intended or not – of bringing them even closer together.

Eyes sliding shut, Anna merely enjoyed the taste of her mother's skin. She felt gentle fingers tangling in her hair, and was prepared for when Elsa tugged her away. Even if it was a gentle distancing.

"This isn't quite what we agreed to," she sighed nervously. But she could see her mother was uncertain. Guilty. There had to be a way she could remove that guilt. What would make this woman she adored more comfortable with her how much she adored her?

"Elsa… you can call me 'Tori' tonight if you want," she murmured. "If that makes it easier. I could even dress up in 80s clothes or something? Like… since the whole problem is me being your daughter, I could be her instead."

At that, Elsa let out a soft laugh. "I didn't know we were doing an all-night affair. But… well…"

"Well?" Anna asked after a few seconds passed and her mother didn't finish the thought.

"I did ask Kristoff to get a hotel room. Give us space enough to figure things out." Anna drew back to see Elsa looking ashamed, but also smiling very slightly. "Not that this was what I had in mind. Just wanted to be prepared for any… eventuality."

For a few seconds, Anna had to suppress the tingles burbling up through her body. From very specific places. Elsa had planned for them to sleep together. Not as an intention, but a precaution – though that was still more than she had hoped lips pushed into Elsa's neck again, hearing a sigh. Then she whispered, "What if I just keep kissing? All over?"

"An- Tori," she corrected, and Anna smiled against her neck.

"You don't have to do anything back. I'm good. But… I want to try this out. See how far I can get before you need me to stop. Or before I need to stop."

"Let's just stick to kissing above the waist." When Anna pulled back to grin at her, head starting to duck downward, she hastily added, "Above the shoulders! Jesus Christ, how did I raise such an opportunist?"

"You didn't; the other Anna probably wasn't as bad as me. And she also wasn't as hot for you as me…" Knowing she was pushing her luck, she leaned up to whisper into Elsa's ear, "And I'm pretty hot for you right now."

Elsa let out a sharp breath that was probably covering something else. "Anna…" she tried one last time. This one felt breathier and needier than before, and Anna could feel the warmth pooling just below her navel.

"I just want you," Anna said softly. "To touch you… in whatever way you let me." Her hips rolled very slightly against Elsa's – not enough for any real friction, but certainly enough to give truth to her words. Elsa gave out another shuddering breath. "But for now, a kiss will do…"

And she did just that, sealing their lips together once more. Elsa sank down into it as if it were a warm bath, perhaps grateful that she no longer had to speak. It didn't really matter.

Slowly, Anna began to back away, leading them back to the couch. It seemed safer than heading for one of the bedrooms. It took Elsa a moment to realise what she was doing, but when she finally caught on she wasted no time in guiding Anna. Despite what she had said, she seemed to be a little less willing to stop now.

But finally they were seated, a strange parody of that moment in Doc's car. Anna had little doubt that she wanted to try paying her mother back for what she had done there, either. Hopefully Elsa felt the same.

Anna slipped her tongue between Elsa's lips, and she only groaned and accepted it with her own, leaning back until she was lying on the couch with Anna over her. Her arms never tightened around Anna, and she never gripped her shoulders; only laid her hands gently on her biceps. Seemed she was deadly serious about not making any 'moves', after all.

When they broke apart again, Anna's hips still grinding, Elsa warned her breathlessly, "This is… more than a kiss."

"Yeah. But hey… tonight is our night, huh? Like, the last one to be Tori and Elsa."

"It is. Even though we aren't going as far as you think we're going," she told her, resolve returning as she pointed a finger up at her.

"Right, I get it. So…" Biting her lip, she got up from the couch, leaving Elsa briefly confused. "Let's do it. Let's dress up."

What an adorable blush crept into the middle-aged woman's features. "Oh, you… were serious about that?"

Dancing backward a little, she said, "Remember that outfit I made you buy? The one that you said you wouldn't wear out of the house, short-shorts and crop top? You can put that on, and I'll find some stuff in my closet that makes me look really… different. Really Tori for you. And I'll change my hair, and wear the shoes from the dance!"

"Oooh," Elsa sighed at the mention of the shoes. Apparently, that was such a strong tie to the memory of going down on Anna that it instantly heated her up. Then she cleared her throat. "Well… I suppose it wouldn't hurt to simply look the parts. Might help create necessary boundaries."

She knew what her mother really meant; it would help assuage her guilt if they were recreating the past, instead of forging a new, sinful future. Clapping her hands, she started to head for the hallway. "You just wait! This is gonna be amazing!"

"I hope you're right," Elsa chuckled as she started to follow her. They were both going the same way, after all. "But I just wanted to reiterate..."

Hesitation. So she prompted, "What?"

"No matter what happens… I'm always going to love you. That was never in danger at any point, Anna."

"I know. Don't worry, we got this. Promise-promise."

"Now, that sounds familiar..."

Anna had no way of knowing what Elsa meant; she hadn't said it yet, after all. But she was all smiles as she retreated to her room with glee, only sparing Elsa one last glance over her shoulder to see her mother was standing in the doorway to her own room with a bemused smile on her blushing features.

Still so beautiful.

                                         To Be Continued…