#but i'm happy i'm working through it with a professional and my therapist is super nice

[vilnan]

anyway i did this exercise in occupational therapy today which made me feel dumb af because it was fairly simple but i was struggling SO MUCH with it that i almost started crying from frustration during the whole thing lol

[missperfectlyfinewrites]

open to: any muse 21+ please no sofia vergera fcs for ivy. possible connections: therapist, doctor, massage therapist, sex worker. muse: ivy winters / late twenties / teacher / submissive / sweet sunshine but kinda broken trauma babe plot: ivy asking for some intimate help from a professional. note: ivy's background includes being adopted, having a not-so-nice ex & having some anxiety. these trigger warnings are tagged. this does not mean you have to be super gentle with her at all times, but this is more of a note so you know what you (the writer) are getting into.

"I suppose I've just been a little scared to explore my body again," Ivy offered quietly, fingers smoothing across the fabric covering her knees for a moment. "I've worked through it - well, I think I have. I know I didn't deserve what he did, I know I deserve to be happy and safe but.." the blonde trailed off, lips pursing for a moment, trying to decide exactly how she wanted to voice what she was thinking.

Her blue gaze came up to settle on them, with a bit of a sad shrug. "I'm not sure how to feel good like that again. I suppose that's why I came to ask for help. I want to..enjoy myself but..I just get frustrated - maybe I'm not good at it?" Ivy gave them a hopeless look. "I think I know how to make others feel good like that but.." she sighed, biting her lip, unsure what else to say. Trying to help herself lately had just made her so wound up and frustrated and she just wanted to have an orgasm..that wasn't a bad thing, right?

[myloveforhergoeson]

ash's march 2024 reading round up

find all the books and fics i read this month under the cut with a link to the synopsis and my reviews/ratings attached :)

this is just for fun! i'm not a professional, i just like to read <3

booklist!

The Mistake by Elle Kennedy (18+)

• review: good book, fun read! nothing extraordinary but entertaining nonetheless, but i did struggle because the two main characters share the names of a few of my best friends... weird. anyway, i'm such a sucker for a second-chance romance, as logan and grace have in this novel after they're on the path to a relationship, but logan can't seem to get over the girl his best friend is dating... after a summer apart, both of them return to college and find themselves getting mixed up in each others business, which allows for time to reevaluate and find out together just what went wrong! love seeing a man grovel after he makes a mistake lol. but, again, it was a fun read, nothing super special or groundbreaking and i think elle kennedy has some internalized misogyny she needs to work out which comes through a bit in her writing sometimes. i don't think women in romance novels should always be put through terrible situations to culminate in a moment of love-clarity, but that's just me. that scene told me more about logan's character than grace's, which was nice to see him stand up for her and her friend, but still. hurt to read a bit. i am also slightly worried for graces' future as a therapist. she has absolutely no empathy when logan was opening up about his struggles with his father's alcoholism - to her credit, he wasn't telling her everything, not that he needs to, but still... regardless, i thought these two were cute. even after he blew her off big time in the beginning, he worked to prove he made a mistake and actively worked to better himself. i thought graces' list of things he needed to do to win her over was adorable - i wish there was more time spent on seeing him complete these tasks! the ramona (grace's kind of best friend) side plot was interesting but i was very caught off guard with how it was resolved... but! still enjoyed this book nonetheless~

• tw: depictions and scenes around alcoholism in a side character, side character held at party against her will

• rating: 3/5 boxes of blonde hair dye it must've taken grace to dye her hair

2. Happy Place by Emily Henry (18+ish)

• review: oh my god oh my god oh my GOD!!!!!!!! no book i've ever read has had such an emotional grip on me. i must've cried like five separate times while reading this book - not because it's sad, but because i found myself identifying with so many of the themes (and also because i may or may not have been going through it at the time of reading). this is a beautifully written tale about two ex-fiances, wyn and harriet, reuniting five months after their break up to join their friends on their yearly vacation to their favorite place in the world - a beach house in maine! - without telling anyone they've broke up. now, they must play the part of the once-happy couple they were in order to keep the peace and not ruin everyone's vacation. seeing how family, friendship, growing up, moving apart, grief, and not listening to one's heart affected each character absolutely gutted me in ways i was not expecting at all. like i said, i identified with so many of these themes, and the way they're all interwoven throughout the book is so masterful it literally brought me to tears. and not like silent streaks, i was sobbing at some parts. i also really loved that the book was told between two time periods: the present or "real life" and the past or "happy/dark place" so we could see the full span of wyn and harrys relationship, the connections they made with their friends, and how important each and every character is to each other. the scenes of the past felt so nostalgic, like i was there with everyone as friendships, and subsequently relationships, developed. the scenes from the present were just as comforting, even with all their real-life struggles. oh, yeah, and it was a romance novel. dubs for the second chance romance this month! anyway this one absolutely wrecked me and i cannot recommend it enough; one of my favorite books of all time! i could literally talk about it forever, but i'll stop here for now!

• rating: 5/5 times i stained the pages w my tears <3

3. Do Your Worst by Rosie Danan (18+)

• ok. lots to say about this one too but for different reasons lol. overall, i love the concept of this book. an archaeologist (clark) attempting to hit his big break after a rough patch, a curse breaker (riley) hired at the same site because the castle they're excavating has not let anyone discover much about it for hundreds of years, scottish folklore, romance... on paper this is a perfect book for someone like me, who loves both archaeology and the supernatural. however. i do not think that the concept of enemies to lovers really works in modern settings. i really think i've only enjoyed that trope in fantasy settings, but that's just me. like, you're telling me she straight up threatens him with a knife in the first 30 pages and he didn't immediately call the cops on her? he tries to humiliate her not even two chapters later? she breaks into his camper a chapter later? like yall... this isn't even enemies to lovers these guys just straight up hate each other. besides that, i thought the concept was fun. the curse placed upon the castle hundreds of years ago was on a romeo-and-juliet type couple and ended up affecting clark and riley in the same way, hence the enemies to lovers aspect. i thought the castle pushing them to be together to make up for what happened in the past was really cute! that being said the book specifically called out the enemies to lovers trope by name like eight separate times. it made me want to scream! we know that's whats going on, no need to repeat it! and i love a good modern reference, but im not sure four separate criminal minds shout outs were necessary. i love matthew gray gubler too but i do not need that to be randomly thrown in for no apparent reason. the book was really slow to start, i don't think i was really interested until about halfway through. also, i'll say it. some people really aren't meant to be together and i think those people are riley and clark. physical chemistry does not equal emotional chemistry and his confession really just came out of nowhere - i was so jarred. overall, weak characters, okay cringe millennial writing, and very interesting, detailed, and well thought out plot. there were some really great parts that made me blush or laugh out loud!

• 2.5/5 times clark made a comment no self respecting archaeologist would ever make...

fic list!

learning to love by autisticbarbie (3k)

• fandom: big time rush (tv)

• pairing: james diamond/original male character

• yall... such a cute one shot. literally had me giggling and kicking my feet and shit while reading. very well written too; i was so invested!!

this was the only fic i finished this month because i typically go for longer stories! (sorry to the two Inuyasha one shots i read and forgot to bookmark...)

but, i just started an incredibly long dr who/ofc fic called lost in time by whovianeverlark17 on wattpad and, as always, i'm reading icegirl2772's james diamond/ofc story take a shot in the dark on ao3! i'm not at the point where i've read enough of the first to recommend, but if you're a fan of btrtv fics take a shot in the dark is definitely for you!!!!!!! i love you oc fics i love you!

[thecoolerliauditore]

HEY ANON! Idk what it is but im feeling super duper extra forgiving and kind today so I've decided to actually type up a response to that ask but im answering it like this cus i don't wanna subject my followers to having to scroll thru what u wrote 👍

stuff below the cut (heed the warnings in the tags)

this is the context, for those curious

FIRST OFF this is so so so SO not okay to send to anyone but ESPECIALLY not a stranger on the internet. Anon you are so lucky I am as comfortable as I am reading and talking about depression/suicide and (I hope) you didn't send this to someone who it could potentially trigger and that I am as normal as I am and not someone who would respond to this callously.

This is such a jump from "i don't draw good", nobody on this website is your therapist or your parent and nobody owes you the time of day to hear you vent. You really don't deserve a response at all but I am doing this because 1. I am nice and very very bored and 2. I believe I used to kind of be like you so I'm somewhat sympathetic.

That being said re: the 'draw more' comic

Anon not everything is about you or directly addressed to you. The message of that comic isn't to just draw more (if anything, mindlessly grinding art isn't the most productive studying you can do once you reach a certain skill level imo), it's to illustrate your mindset and why it's flawed.

The artist in that comic is frustrated with their own progress and skill only because they cannot see the 100x amount of work their more experienced counterpart put in. That doesn't mean their own effort doesn't matter, it just means they have no sense of scale and don't understand why, when they've done so much, they aren't as skilled as those around them.

It's this mindset that inevitably leads to the assumption that other people are just born more talented or didn't have to work as hard for their skills when they certainly did (this might not have been what you intended to say but using words like "life is unfair" paints a very specific impression). Which is. Frustrating, you could imagine, for those of us who have pushed through that period of growth only to be met with "oh woe is me, not blessed by the art muse like your holiness".

I put that there because your message reminded me of it. The last thing it's meant to be is a direct message towards You to Draw More.

re: learning art

My guy nobody is happy with their art straight away. I wasn't happy with my art for like. 6 years.

Learning art is as much of a mental battle as it is a physical one. The improvement over time chart is something I've tried to keep in mind for years when it comes to those "dip" periods in which it suddenly feels like you suck.

I've seen quite a few people touch on it in recent years but the first time I saw it was in this Sycra video.

Just like a bad mental health day due to seasonal depression I found it much easier to bear once I could sense a 'dip' period incoming and braced myself for it. I even.. kind of learned to enjoy it and accept it as part of my growth process because it was a sign I was going to improve enormously in the coming month or so. but that might just be me lol.

Eitherway, hope this helps 👍speaking of that though

re: depression/suicide/mental health

Let's be honest with ourselves here there is something much deeper going on with you in your life if Drawing Pictures gets you feeling suicidal.

Art isn't this all or nothing thing, you're allowed to take breaks for years and then come back fresh, you're allowed to start drawing at age 98. There's no expiry date on it. It's not professional gymnastics.

What I'm trying to illustrate here is that art is clearly a symptom of a bigger problem in your life that has you taking this attitude with yourself and the way you talk is doing anything but helping your case. You know what's especially unhelpful tho is venting to faceless block man artists on tumblr about this who don't know your personal circumstances or like.. who you are at all. seriously.

This is a problem you're going to have to fix yourself. "seek therapy" is the stock standard answer that we would all love to accept but that isn't realistic for alot of obvious reasons. I can't say what would work for you but personally I'd advise looking to online free mental health resources (forums like reddit are a last resort but if you can find the right space for that then what works works).

If you want an artsy spin on it I'd recommend literally any number of artists' youtube videos on their artistic journeys and their own struggles with impostor syndrome, insecurities, depression, etc. Off the top of my head I recall Jazza has made a few over the years and i adore these marco bucci videos in particular.

The bottom line is that you're going to have to help yourself, Anon. You can't expect others to make themselves smaller to make you more comfortable, you have to create that space for yourself.

We can all uplift each other but no one's going to respond kindly if you come out of the gate downplaying everyone else's efforts.

[hollygl125]

#about me

Tagged by @coping-via-clint-eastwood. (Fun! Thank you!)

What book are you currently reading?

Lady Chatterley's Lover, by D.H. Lawrence. I literally did not read a book last year (except for a few chapters in the book recommended by my therapist), and I had been meaning to start this one for about the last three months, so having to answer this question actually motivated me to get through the first few chapters! So far, so good.

What's your favourite movie you saw in theatres this year?

I honestly do not remember the last time I saw a movie in theatres, and it certainly wasn't in the last year.

What do you usually wear?

A lot of sweats and Lululemon if I'm not leaving the house. Maybe just a towel if I'm living overseas and it's really hot. If I'm going out in public, then it really varies! A blazer if I have to be professional, I suppose.

How tall are you?

5’9”—Sara Sidle’s height, if we go by silly things like Jorja Fox’s actual height and not ridiculous props made to give the impression that she isn’t practically the same height as her leading man. (I love that she’s practically the same height as her leading man.)

What's your Star Sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event?

Aquarius.

Robert Burns (i.e., Robbie Burns Day) and Virginia Woolf, although I'd call them literary figures not celebrities. Alicia Keys, if you want an actual "celebrity."

The day Jorja Fox announced she would not "Sidle up" for the second season of CSI: Vegas because Grissom and Sara belong together—also known as the day I could finally chill the fuck out a little. (Yes, for purposes of this blog, this qualifies as a historical event. It was the first thing I saw that morning. Happy birthday to me!)

Do you go by your name or a nickname?

For this website? Maybe we could call it a pseudonym.

In real life? Generally my name, but I will respond to nicknames.

Did you grow up what you wanted to be when you were a child?

Yes, and it fucking sucks. No joke. The mental health and substance abuse stats back me up on this. I'm considering other options.

That said, in the above context I am discussing your typical private practice job. I've had some amazing overseas internship/work experiences in my field. It also has possibly the most potential to effect societal change, so that's always good! (But that's not what's happening most of the time in private practice, of course.)

Are you in a relationship? If not, who is your crush if you have one?

Nope, not currently.

For consistency's sake, let's go with this fellow:

What's something you're good at vs something you're bad at?

Attention to detail vs. remembering not to get lost in the details.

Dogs or cats?

As per previous: DOGS!!!!!!!! DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS DOGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I concur.)

If you draw/write, or create in any way, what's your favourite picture/favourite line/favourite etc. from something you created this year?

I will also do a shameless self-promo:

Survivors in the Night: A Las Vegas Love Story on AO3 and FFN.

So far I’ve only posted about 25,000 words, but I’ve written just over 90,000 words (excluding footnotes) so far. (I was ostensibly done at 50,000 words, but I keep adding random bits throughout. And I literally have three different chapters that were originally supposed to be the last. I’m almost certainly almost completely done now, though. Almost.) And honestly I’m obsessed with all of it. That probably sounds weird, but I wrote exactly what I wanted for them (my headcanons, my daydreams, just generally a lot of my favourite things, etc.), so it makes me super, super happy. (Honestly I just need them to be together and super happy! They belong together!)

Even though I’ve been a TV obsessive for many, many years, this wasn’t something I would have expected for myself a year ago. (Honestly, it wasn’t something I expected for myself up until one day before the day in late June when I started doing it.) Still, I’ve had a lot of fun with it (by which I mean a lot of fun with the writing—the sharing is definitely a roller coaster ride of feelings—some wonderful and some less so—a large proportion of which lead back to anxiety).

I’ve also had a lot of fun making some collages/mood boards recently. (I tried making a GIF once, but I think my time is better spent elsewhere.) This works pretty well with my love of photography and attempts to improve my Lightroom skills (although I did not use Lightroom for either of the collages I’ve included with this post, except maybe on my own photographs used in this first collage).

So, in short, I’ve really fallen down quite a rabbit hole….

What's something you would like to create content for?

Still just the science nerds:

I'd like to make a video to go with the above series, using the song I'm using for the story titles, but, given the aforementioned attention to detail and inability not to get lost in the details, I feel like this would end up being a massive undertaking. (I am very... thorough.)

When I started posting this series, I had a lot of anxiety about it, and one of the ways I distracted myself was by coming up with an outline for a very, very AU story (like: different continent, different century). I'd have to read a few fairly dense books before I could even think about writing it, though, so I feel like this would potentially be a five-year (or whatever) project that I pick up when I need a diversion. (I'm sure about three people would read it if and when I finished.)

What's something you're currently obsessed with?

Really? Okay, if you insist—them:

What's something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?

The first half of my year was a colossal shitshow, although I can't say I was excited for it in the first place. I really don't even want to think about it, though, so let's move on....

I’m supposed to be doing a gratitude journal (again, therapist), and I haven’t done it in about four months, so I’m going to turn this around and talk about something that turned out better than expected. This summer I applied for a short-term overseas work experience. I thought I didn’t get it; I cried from the rejection. It turned out they were just slower with their process than planned. I got it. I stopped crying. I got paid (a stipend, accommodation, travel expenses, etc.) to do some really cool overseas work in my field. The place was beautiful. The people were wonderful. I’m pretty bummed to have left, but now I am travelling for three weeks before returning home, and I’m very excited about it. So it was a good end to what started out as a really terrible year.

What's a hidden talent of yours?

Well, basically everything about me is hidden on this website, but I can tell you that I used to be really good at math (like, I did my undergrad in the humanities but took a couple math courses to raise my average).

Are you religious?

No, but I looove Christmas.

What's something you wish to have at this moment?

For someone to walk into this place (hotel bar) and make me see stars. (No entomology experience required.)

⭐️⭐️⭐️

If you’re reading this and feel inclined, consider yourself tagged!

[wyn-n-tonic]

So, to preface this, I just want to say that this is going to be US based as US based mental healthcare is what I have most experience with utilizing as I've lived here most of my life and I work in mental healthcare as well. I'm sorry I can't give information about other countries but I don't want to give inaccurate information.

Mental healthcare is hard. It is demonized and stigmatized and figuring out where to start is difficult. And even when we find resources, even when we do find that starting point, taking that first jump to ask for help is hard. Asking for help is hard especially if we've spent years being told to toughen up or that other people have it worse or, my personal favorite, it's all in our heads. Of course it's all in our heads, it's in the name!

Our brains can get sick just like any other part of our body and it's nothing to be ashamed of but people make it a shameful thing so... where do we start?

First of all, we need to talk about the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist/therapist. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor who specializes in mental healthcare and the diagnoses and treatment, including writing prescriptions, of mental illnesses/disorders. A psychologist/therapist is a counsellor who has been trained in talk therapy to help you manage mental health symptoms and improve how you handle stress as well as help you process trauma. There are some states where psychologists can now write prescriptions for medications and you don't need to see a psychiatrist. I don't know have a full list of those states so I suggest you looking up that information for yourself but I will always advocate for seeking out a trained medical professional for medication first and foremost.

With all that being said... let's get to finding a professional for ourselves.

Psychology Today is a great resource and I wish I could tell you how much I utilize this magazine/website in my every day life at work but you would get bored and hate me. But I love them SO MUCH.

They have separate searches for what you're looking for including Psychiatrists and Therapists. They also have searches for telehealth, treatment centers and support groups and while those are not the ones I'll be focusing on they are also super duper helpful.

So, you go into those searches and you input your zipcode and hit search and it brings up the results. But what's really cool and makes this better than just Googling professionals in your area is the way you get to tailor the search results for yourself and it looks like this:

This helps you find somebody you are comfortable working with because if you are not comfortable working with somebody, you will not make progress in your mental healthcare and that is unfair to you.

You can choose what kind of issues you want your therapist to specialize in handling (the list is extensive, I won't be including it here for brevity purposes). You can choose what insurances they take if you are one of the fortunate people in this country to have health insurance and therapy is covered by said insurance. You can choose the gender of the therapist (male, female and nonbinary are options). You can choose the type of therapy they are specialized in administering (CBT, DBT and EMDR are three very popular and common types but they are not the only types nor do they work for everybody). You can choose their age range. And my favorite: Price range. Because price is a big factor in why a lot of us don't seek out mental health help. They have four options, it looks like this:

I always choose less than $90 and that sliding scale option. That means it's based on your income level. Do not ever feel ashamed of clicking the sliding scale option. You can also look for places who have interns working for them. They're in their last semester of training before they start the licensing process and they're usually a lot cheaper. For example: I started with my therapist when she was an intern and she was 20$ per session for me on a sliding scale.

Then there's the more tab where you really get to narrow your search down between ethnicity served, sexuality, language spoken and the faith of the therapist. It looks like this:

Because, again, if we're not comfortable with who we're working with, then we're not going to do very well in our healing. Not only do we want professionals who know what they're doing, we want professionals who empathize and sympathize with us as well, who might have experience with what we've gone through ourselves. Tailoring the search results and finding a professional who meets you where you are is so important.

Then comes the really hard part of actually making phone calls but, honestly, email works great too if you have anxiety about talking on the phone. I reached out to a few therapeutic practices and just put myself on a couple of waitlists. It cost nothing and they move super fast. When you come off a waitlist and find a therapist you're comfortable working with, just politely email the other organizations and let them know so they can move somebody else up on their list. I have never experienced a professional being mad nor have I ever been mad at somebody taking themselves off the waitlist. Mental health professionals want you to get the help you need and the help you're comfortable with and if you found somebody before somebody else can help you, that is fantastic and we will genuinely wish you the best. Because we want the best for you.

This is not an exhaustive guide by any means but I hope it's helpful. Please feel free to reblog, please feel free to add on some other resources you know of. If you have already made or you decide to make a similar post for another country, please let me know and I'll be super happy to reblog it because Tumblr isn't an American only space and mental healthcare is not an American only need.

[tellywoodtrash]

Hi TT.

I recently came to terms with the fact that I am queer. I use that word because I haven't exactly figured out what label I fit into. All I know for sure is that I'm not straight. And I'm terrified. Being desi and queer doesn't even seem like something that's possible. I mean openly. I can't tell my family. I tried telling my friends but before I could actually get there it became pretty evident that they were uncomfortable with the topic altogether. I don't have anyone to confide in and even now as I'm writing to you anonymously I'm still terrified someone will somehow trace this back to me and I'll get in trouble. I feel suffocated and I feel terrified that I can never be myself because everyone will just hate me. Do you have any advice for me or any comforting words? And even if you don't I just really really needed to share my truth with someone and your blog seems like a very accepting space.

Dearest anon,

First of all, I am so honoured that you chose to share this part of yourself with me. Thank you so much for trusting me, and you can be assured this is a safe space for you. I am giving you the biggest and tightesttttttttttt hug you've ever had!!!!!

There's lots of noise and conversation on "coming out", but please know that it's in no way a mandatory thing. You don't need to reveal this side of yourself to anyone if you don't want to, until you are ready. Anyway in desi society, talking about one's sex life is taboo; so game the system back: your preferences are none of anyone's business. Your safety is paramount. Only come out if and when you feel utterly comfortable and safe with a person. My biggest advice for you would probably be that you should make sure that you are working towards being financially independent from your family. Even if they are unsupportive (or in worst case scenario, the situation becomes unsafe) you should have the freedom to leave and make your own way in the world. Emotional freedom is more tricky, and that will take more time and effort, but that's for a professional therapist to guide you with.

I am sorry that your friends seemed unsupportive and uncomfortable with the topic. It's saddening and frankly, absurd; because you're still the very same person, you just learnt something new about yourself. Discovering new sides to yourself is all a vital part of growing up, and your friends should embrace this part of you just like they do any other growth you go through! It's possible that perhaps some of them are actually supportive but reluctant to speak in a larger group setting? So maybe you could try talking to those who you think might be open to the idea on a one-on-one basis. If someone is openly queerphobic though, it's time to reconsider your friendship with them. You don't need that kind of energy in your life. Either way, you don't need anyone's approval or permission on this matter any more than you do on your favourite colour or taste in music. And sometimes, you grow out of your friend circles. This doesn't mean you/they did anything wrong; it's just a relationship that has run its course and isn't adding value to your life anymore. You can still have goodwill for them as you part, but you deserve friends who accept and embrace this part of you. So be open to expanding your circle and making new friends!!!!

And oh, please remember to love and accept yourself! As I always say, the longest relationship you will have in your life is with YOURSELF, and you need to make sure that is a happy one. Read more on the subject(s), educate yourself, and surround yourself with media that shows you the joyful side of being queer, rather than just the challenges. (Again, please remember to be safe, use incognito mode and VPNS and alternative accounts rather than the main ones you have all your friends and family on.)

All in all, please know, if no one else got you, you have me (and my friends who follow this blog) in this little corner of the internet, super duper proud of you and always wishing you all the love and happiness and success! 🤗🤗🤗🥹🥹🥹 I hope you live your best authentic life!!!!!!!!!!!!! ❤️♥️❣️💖💗🌺🌷🪷🌸💮🏵️🌻🌼☀️⚡🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

[asking-jude]

(TW: Ed talk)

Hey! I have 3 friends with eating disorders so I decided to do some research into eds to understand how they work and how I can be supportive to my friends. But since I've been listening to people on youtube talk about their eds, I've realised I've started subconsciously copying ed-like behaviour? I started counting calories and restricting and feeling guilty if I eat the recommended amount of calories for my age group. I don't really want to give numbers in case that's triggering to other people, but I heard the lowest amount of calories you can eat daily before it becomes extremely unhealthy for my age group is 1300 (I'm a 15 yr old girl), so I've been trying my best not to go below that. But I keep being tempted to. I've also been tempted a couple times to purge after eating a big meal, but the only thing that stopped me was that I don't really know how to make myself throw up, and also I've heard it ruins your stomach and teeth if you do it consistently.

This has been going on for maybe a couple of weeks now. I'm not even sure I hate my body that much (although I wouldn't mind being a bit thinner) but it feels super bad when I go above around 1700 cals.

I've stopped watching ed videos but I'm really scared of developing an ed, because it messes up your health for like the rest of your life, but I don't know how to pull myself out of this, or if it's just a phase. Do you think I could keep doing this without it developing into an ed? How can I tell the difference between healthy dieting and having an eating disorder?

Ask A Question Here

Thank you so much for reaching out to Asking Jude. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this difficult situation. Eating disorders can be debilitating and you should not go through it alone. If you continue to feel any of the urges, please do not hesitate to contact this helpline: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline.

I would first recommend doing your best to recognize what triggers the impulse to engage in any behaviors (such as reducing your food consumption or counting calories) that are characteristic of an ED. It seems like the videos you mentioned may potentially be triggering for you, so I would try to avoid these or any other media that may be negatively impacting your thoughts and emotions. Additionally, it may be helpful to try and focus on other things when negative thoughts get the better of you. This could be reading a book you like, painting, or anything that makes you happy, to turn your attention away from any negative thoughts you are having.

I would also recommend talking about how you are feeling with a professional. Discussing how you feel with a therapist, especially if you feel the impulses are persisting, may help you determine more effective methods to help you cope with this. Here is a resource for finding therapists near you: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists. If this is something you can't afford, I recommend using Asking Jude's pay-what-you-can peer counselling service. It is live, remote, and peer counsellors never handle more than a couple clients at a time. If you're interested, reach out to jude@askingjude.org for more information.

It is very kind and thoughtful of you to be thinking of your friends who are also struggling. However, it is important to remember that you should not have to take on any responsibility, especially if you feel it is impacting your own health. So I would recommend referring your friends to the resources I provide in this response and potentially let them know that you are also facing similar struggles and might need to focus on your mental health first.

Having a network of support, whether that be your family, friends, or any other trustworthy individuals, is so important when going through such a difficult time. Journaling is also a really great option for self-support and can help you work through your emotions. You can document and record when you are feeling triggered to better recognize when you may need to talk to someone or if there is something else (such as anxiety, boredom, etc.) that may be contributing to how you are feeling. Here is a link on journaling on some of the benefits of journaling: https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentID=4552&ContentTypeID=1

Please try your best to eat enough, even when it feels incredibly difficult. Try to listen to your body, eat intuitively, and keep you body fueled enough so you can continue doing all the things you love! We are here for you, always, so if you have any other questions, comments, or concerns, don’t hesitate to reach out. You are so strong, and I know you can overcome this.

Love,

Jordan Sadan <3

Do you want free, remote mental health support? Reach out to us at askingjude.org today.

[tht-lesbian-fangirl]

you keep complaining that alex, kelly, and nia don't have storylines and i don't mean to sound rude or anything i'm genuinely curious what you would have them do?

Well, I wouldn’t really consider it “complaining” since it’s just stating a fact about supposed series regulars (and Alex supposedly being the #2 star). But to answer you question, here’s what I’d do if I had control over 5b:

Alex: I would still have Alex leave the DEO, since it’s under Lex’s thumb. She’d join J’onn in his PI stuff for a bit while she’s trying to find her footing, but after an episode Alex would realize that 1. being an alien PI is more J’onn’s passion 2. it doesn’t quite pay the bills 3. she needs something more stable and with healthcare benefits if she’s going to adopt (yes, I would actually remember that plotline). So, Alex would decide to try going back to her roots in the science field. She would attend a bio-med convention looking for a job opening at a lab and run into Lena (who is less unhinged in my version of post-Crisis, yet still emotionally at odds with Kara). Their conversation would start out filled with tension, but one of them would crack a joke about how Lex ruling this Earth sucks and Alex would reveal that she quit her DEO job. As a peace offering and show of goodwill, Lena would offer Alex a job in her own R&D labs at LuthorCorp, a branch that Lex doesn’t have a part in. Alex would agree, initially using the job to keep an eye on Lena (and have some steady income), but would slowly start to see how Lena isn’t evil, she’s just deeply hurting. Lena even allows Alex to work on technology for Supergirl, since they don’t have the DEO’s resources anymore. By the end of the season, they’d be working together on some cool biotech that helps Supergirl defeat Leviathan. Throughout the season, Alex would still team up with Supergirl when needed, J’onn would have still given her that cool Martian weapon, and she’d play a key role during the final Leviathan battle. Additionally, she’d end the season on a happy note with Kelly, finding out that an adoption is finally coming through. They’d celebrate together and Kelly, a little tipsy, would say something like “I can’t wait to raise a kid with you,” implying that we may see a Dansen engagement/wedding in season 6.

Kelly: After Crisis, Alex would have updated Kelly on everything that went down between Kara and Lena. Kelly, being the compassionate, smart therapist that she is, would immediately think “Lena isn’t a villain. That woman needs help.” At first, Alex would be against Kelly going to visit Lena, causing some tension, trying to give Kelly the same head vs. heart talk she gave Kara. But Kelly would say that it’s her job as a therapist and friend to use both her head and heart (side note: technically it’s against APA code of ethics to give therapy to friends, family, etc., but this is a show with aliens that suspends disbelief, so screw the APA for this situation). Kelly would show Lena the genuine kindness she’s been lacking. They’d work through some of Lena’s childhood trauma and then Kara’s double identities, eventually bringing Kara into a session when Lena’s ready (this would all be during the phase where Alex worked for Lena but still didn’t trust her). Meanwhile, Kelly would still be working at Obsidian, but would interact with Andrea a little more, tying in that plot line. Kelly would still find the lens glitch and she’d continue working there, despite the Superfriends realizing that something is wrong, either due to Leviathan or Lex. It would cause more tension between Kelly and Alex in an episode, but ending with some of their great healthy communication and Alex’s confidence that Kelly is smart and strong enough to protect herself. During the final Leviathan battle, Kelly would be at Dreamer’s side, using the Gaurdian shield to help protect civilians, but not donning the full Guardian outfit because that’s not what she wants (yet?).

Nia: She’d be investigating Leviathan with Kara. William’s story would’ve been wrapped up in 5a, because...well it literally was wrapped up (now he only exists to scream “LEX DID IT” 24/7 and effectively distract Team Super from Leviathan). So we’d see Nia grow as a reporter and continue the mentor/mentee relationship with Kara. As Dreamer, she would continue to improve her powers, driven not just by her desire to be a hero, but also by her guilt for her inability to see Crisis coming. Talking through some of that guilt would be a great chance for her to bond with Kelly on an emotional level, and bond with Kara on a superhero level, letting Nia know that they’re all just doing the best they can and no hero is perfect. Nia would want to help Supergirl be ready for any huge future threats (i.e. Leviathan), yet while practicing, she’d still be slightly distracted by her feelings for Brainy and at one point she’d accidentally discover what he’s been up to with Lex. Nia would struggle with what to do: does she alert Supergirl? Does she confront him? Does she try to pry further with her dream energy and figure out why? But whatever she chooses, it would connect the Lex-Leviathan-Supergirl plot in a much better way and would actually utilize a powerful hero who’s been missing for no reason. We’d also see her bond more with Kelly and the Danvers sisters during a girls night, and her 5x15 episode would 100% still happen because that was important af. Nia would end the season as a more powerful and beloved hero, an accomplished journalist (publishing a piece on Leviathan with Kara), and attempting to reconnect with a very apologetic Brainy.

So that’s my outline of what I’d do with Alex, Kelly, and Nia this season. But hey, I’m just a random person on tumblr who wrote this in maybe 15min. I’m not a professional tv producer so what do I know?🤷‍♀️

[emeto-things]

Small success story! Yesterday was the first time I have been somewhere in literal months, me emet has pushed me into agoraphobia territory for about 4 years now and a while ago I was put on a waiting list to get help (I was on it for 2 years) They finally started helping me but were focusing on my agoraphobia with graded exposure therapy which I felt was pointless because the only reason I have AG is because of Emet and as long as I had that, AG wasn't going away. So yesterday I had to travel to an appointment, it was super hard and I made my dad make multiple stops but I made it there! I actually made it even though my anxiety was through the roof and I was having anxiety n* so my emet was playing up, and at my appointment I was able to vocalise how I was feeling about my current mental health treatment and they actually *listened* to me! For the first time a professional has listened to ME and not my stupid brother or stupid step mum or just brushed me off or lied to my dad about my diagnosis! (I am 22 so the fact I haven't been listened to before is frustrating) and they're starting me on CBT for emet when they can find me the right therapist which should only be a few weeks! I am so excited! I have had emetophobia since I was a child, since I can remember and I am a baby step closer to finally putting myself to work on fixing it! I made it to the appointment and got what I wanted out of it and I am so happy. I'm sorry this is long I just wanted to be able to tell someone who I know would understand just how big this is for me because they know what emet is like because I know my bf and friends are so proud but they don't have AG or emet and I just wanted to share this with people that would get it. This blog has been such a safe space for me and I appreciate you all so much so I wanted to share my happiness with you guys especially because I don't think I could've done it without all the emet knowledge and comfort you guys have brought me so thank you! Oh also! I didn't get a full diagnosis (and wont treat it as such dw) But the lady I met today was telling me I show signs of OCD and the relief to hear that after speculating it for so long because of signs I show and my mum having it and AHH! I am just so happy to feel like I am not insane for wondering if I potentially had OCD and a professional suggested it as something a therapist should look into! So before this gets any LONGER, thank you again for helping be a part of the push to get me better , you have no idea how much I appreciate everyone running this blog <3

Yay I am SO SO happy for you!!! I am also super proud of you too! I hope this really helps you! I promise, it DOES get better!!! Good luck! 🍀❤️ -Kaitlyn

[uncloseted]

1/2

1/2

1/2 Hi. I think I could use some help, I'll try to make this short. When I was 14yo (I'm 20 now) I dated a 18yo guy, thank God we were taking it slow and never made things official. Now that I'm older I can see that relash was rlly wrong. He was manipulating, used me to boost his ego, forced me to do things I wasn't comfortable doing and I think although we weren't official, he cheated on me? (more on that later). After a few months of fooling around, I found out something about him that I didn't like and confronted him about it, with the intention of ending that relash. He started begging me not to leave him, asking me tricky questions about the things I had heard of him with the intention of "making me realize" he did nothing wrong, and he even became violent with the person who told me those things, to the point I couldn't break up with him because I was scared. I just stopped answering his texts and calls because I was afraid of even talking to him and eventually he took the hint and suggested we broke up. We decided to stay friends, but that only lasted a few days, because one day, via Facebook Messenger, he suggested we got back together and I rejected him, so he blocked me. Months later, I had to close my Facebook due to harassment (not related to him) and opened a new one. Facebook showed me his profile in 'people you may know' and I decided to peek out of curiosity. Turns out, the moment we broke up, he started uploading photos with his new girlfriend. The descriptions of those pics said the exact same things he used to tell me, and I ain't good a math but I did some calcs and he had to be with her while still being with me lmao. I really didn't care, I was just happy I got rid of him, and I moved on with my life. Some time later I fell head over heels for a guy from my workplace, who I still hold close to my heart. I have trust issues and I am a very private person, especially with my relashs, so I didn't tell anyone about this guy except from like 3 friends. One of them was a girl (that we'll call Anne) who was like a sister to me, and was also friends with my ex. Over the next 2 years I had a relash with this guy, everytime I talked to Anne I used to tell her more details about my relash. Then, one day, I got a text from my ex. He texted me like we were besties and nothing had ever happened between us, like he didn't block me TWICE (yeah, he blocked me from my new Facebook too even though I never tried to reach out to him). I was angry at his nerve and told him so, he realized I was upset and changed his persona from confident and tough as nails to regretful and soft, telling me he was sorry for being so immature all those years before, but excusing his shitty behavior by saying he always "kept an eye on me". Um, wtf? He told me he was always asking stuff about me to Anne, looking out for me. I wanted to know what exactly he knew, but, trying to manipulate me again, he said he would only tell me if I accepted to play a game with him: I could ask him one question if he would ask me one in exchange and so on, and we had to be ttly honest with each other. I really didn't wanna get into his shenanigans but I only had one question (wtf do u exactly know about me, creep?) so I accepted. He asked his question first (dID u fEeL sAd wHeN i bLoCkEd U?) and I asked mine. I thought he maybe knew something about my school stuff and MAYBE that I had been dating someone else. Turns out he knew every. single. detail about my personal life. Not only he KNEW I was with other guy...

2/2 Not only he KNEW I was with other guy. He knew his entire name, the school he attended and every little detail from our relationship and other stuff about my personal life. Every single thing I told Anne, opening my heart to her, she told him. I felt terribly violated. I felt like a dissected frog, open for anyone to see my most inner parts. I felt ashamed, unprotected, sad and angry, all at the same time. I told him what he did was disgusting, to never reach me again or try to "keep an eye on me", and that I would make that job easier for him by getting Anne out of my life. He apologized, said he understood the situation, would respect my wishes, and wished me a happy life. I thought that was it. It took me a while but I got to heal, to feel safe again, although I still have a hard time trusting my friends. But I was wrong. Months later he sent me a Friend Resquest. I was a lil afraid, but tried to calm myself saying he probably just was checking if I was still upset, so I rejected the request and again convinced myself that was really it. But then he sent some girls to take pictures of me during my high school graduation ceremony and recently, his cousin (who was my friend when we were 14 but haven't talked since) texted me. I know that sometimes nostalgia makes you reach out to old friends, but we weren't close at all. Besides, he acted super weird, didn't even try to make small talk or let the convo flow naturally, but went straight for super specific and weird questions: are you studying college? what are you doing with your life? are you in a relationship? I was really weirded out and considered the possibility he may have been asking all those things because my ex asked him to do so, so I kept my answers short and vague, not giving him the info he wanted, and although I def came out as cutting, he kept asking. I tried to still be friendly because I didn't wanna seem paranoid, but I think he realized I wasn't telling him anything over texts, so he asked me to meet again over some beers with his friends on October 27th and that's when I stopped answering. I thought about that strange invitation for a few days until it hit me: October 27th is my ex's birthday. So much about respecting my wishes. I spent the rest of that month really nervous that cousing would try to reach out again, but nothing happened and I started to feel calmed again. Until, in November, he wrote me again, this time asking me if I wanted to go to the beach with his friends. I haven't even bother to open that text. Since them, I've been super paranoid. I know my ex's attacks aren't that consecutive (more like every two years: he contacted me and sent me that friend request when I was 16, hijacked my graduation at 18 and now sends his cousin at 20) but I can't help but think he's always there "keeping an eye on me" and planning his next move. I stopped accepting any friend requests because I'm afraid he will send someone for me, and if someone I already have on my friend list but idk texts me and after some small talks asks me about my life, I get paranoid and ask them why they wanna know and if they have some hidden intentions. Also, there's a mall near his house, and everytime I have to go there to buy something, I feel like crying because I'm afraid I'll stumble with him. I probably sound crazy. Some people may think I'm exaggerating and I should just let my ex stalk me and act all obsessed, but I feel dirty everytime I think about him knowing my personal stuff. It was just so traumatizing the first time. Do you get me? I feel like nobody gets me. Please help me, what can I do? I don't know how to make him stop, I'm tired of living in fear.

Not to start this off with an unrelated thought, but when did Tumblr get rid of its character limit on asks? I don’t think I’ve ever seen it let someone send in a message this long in one ask.

To get to your situation, I can definitely see why this would be a stressful and uncomfortable situation for you.  The first thing I would do is to stop interacting with your ex and people related to your ex.  You don’t owe his cousin anything.  Block both of their numbers, block their social media accounts, etc., and do that for everyone else who’s friends with your ex (or put them on limited profile/create a “close friends” list on social media).  Tell all of your friends in no uncertain terms that you don’t want them talking about you to your ex, even if it’s stuff that seems harmless, and cut those people off if they do talk to your ex about you.  

The other action you could take is to file a restraining order.  If you go down that route, you’ll have to fill out some forms and file them with the court, and then have a hearing with a judge where you explain your situation.  Then, you’ll have a second appearance in court where the stalker is present, and you both get the opportunity to explain the situation.  The judge will then determine the final order and the conditions of that order.  It can be a bit of an involved process, but it may give you some peace of mind.

The last thing I would suggest is going to therapy.  It seems like you’ve been through something traumatic, and a mental health professional can help you to work through that and move on from it.  There are many options for therapy, both online and in-person.  If you have health insurance, your insurance should cover at least some therapy sessions.  If not, some therapists provide services on a sliding-scale, and online services like BetterHelp can be less expensive than traditional therapy. 

[dpdoggie]

(2/2) And apparently a friend of mine has decided that I am her FP because she's borderline and I blew the fuck up on her because I got tired of how she acts and how she will be like hey I'm going to hurt myself if you don't reply to me and shit like that but at the same time internally Im sitting here screaming because my FP cant talk to me RN and hasn't been able to for a while. I don't even know if I have this I had somebody suggest me to look into this. And I can't tell if it's from ADHD :\

So that’s definitely not a part of ADHD, (but im not a professional). And regardless if your friedn has bpd or not she should not be gult tripping you like that to respond to her. Like yes it’s true people woth bpd are highly emotionally dependent on attention from certain people but we have the common sense to know that threatening people with our mental health and saying “i’ll do this if you dont” is toxic as hell and not excused by anything we go through. I have bpd and have been super suicidal, to the point of hospitalization and never once did i think it was okay to threaten someone with the fact that I might self harm cause I wasn’t getting attention. You should cut that “friend” out snd move on.

And as far as dealing with dependent feelings. One thing my therapist told me that blew my mind, but really worked for me, was to remind myself that I was safe. I take a step back, evaluate what I’m feeling, what I’m assuming and compare it to what I know and what’s actually happening currently around me. It’s a good way to ground yourself.

The deep emptiness when you miss someone is really hard to deal with and is actually soul sucking. I suggest distraction by focusing on other things like a youtube video that makes your happy, going out for a short walk or focusing on a not too stressful task you WANT to do. Having some time to just be in the moment instead of looking at your phone and waiting for that text can help a lot.

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Hey, so I'm force to go to this xenophobic church in Manhattan- they even have an organization where they go to abortion clinics and coerce people w/ uteruses to not go forward with the abortion (they are very open with promoting this organization). I stopped paying tithes to them a long time ago, because knowing what I know abt the intricacies of childbirth & what it's like to be LGBTQ+ in particular, I literally cannot support what the church is doing bc I believe its harmful (1)

Today my mom and I were talking about finances and I’ve been in a sort of bind recently because I’ve had to pay off credit cards, one of which I used to pay for repairs to my car & another person’s car when I got into an accident over the summer, plus I still have my biweekly car payments to worry about. I’ve been managing, but I dont really have much money to myself, and because everyone’s out at either work or school, I normally buy food for myself because no one is home to cook. (2)

My mom straight up told me that the reason why I have been broke is b/c I’m not paying tithes, which kind of took me off guard bc I thought it was because I wasnt putting in as much hours for school (I have a two day break on Monday-Tuesday but decided not to put in any extra hours because I didn’t want to overwork myself like last semester + my mental health has been extremely poor). (3)

Since she said that I’ve been in a sort of panic mode, that maybe I won’t be able to be myself in the future and get surgery/HRT and find a suitable partner (I’m an aro/ace trans guy and I desire to be in a qpp with another guy), which has been debilitating because I’ve been seriously struggling with my social skills, and have literally only two friends that I’ve been keeping contact with occasionally, though its difficult because we have all gone on separate paths due to life basically (4)

Anyways this is a super long ask but I felt like it needed context because the fact that I suck as socializing & making friends has affected my self-esteem and mental health to the point where I have thoughts of s*icide, among other things, including flashbacks of traumatic events that I wouldnt have otherwise remembered. Basically I wanted to ask- am I wrong for not paying tithes to this church? Will God punish me for not paying tithes to this church? (5)__________

Hey there, anon. I’m so sorry for the delay in answering this, I’ve been having some mental health issues of my own so I’ve been taking a little break from this blog. I hope that you are hanging in there, and that things might even be looking up for you since you sent this in. 

I’m sorry that you are experiencing so much distress right now; and that your mom’s comments have added to it. I know that money is tight for you right now, but if at all possible, I recommend seeking professional help to guide you through dealing with the flashbacks of traumatic events and all that; some therapists offer sliding scale payment options for patients who need it. I know that’s not what you’re asking about though, so on to tithes.

I 100% think you’re making the right decision not offering your money to this church. You disagree with their ministry and do not see God’s will in it; giving them money would be contributing to those ministries.

People offer tithes (or a smaller fraction of their financial income) to their faith community as an expression of gratitude to God, a willing response to God’s activity in that faith community. You see God’s movement in a community, and you want to be a part of that movement; so you offer financial gifts to keep the movement going. Generosity should never be pressured out of a person, it should never feel like an obligation; if the Holy Spirit is moving you to give, you’ll feel a real desire to give. 

Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 8:11-13 about our financial offerings coming from a place of desire, not obligation: 

“And in this matter I am giving my advice: it is appropriate for you who began last year not only to do something but even to desire to do something—now finish doing it, so that your eagerness may be matched by completing it according to your means. For if the eagerness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has — not according to what one does not have.“ 

That above quote teaches us several things about offerings made to our faith communities, the first of which applies directly to your current situation, while the other two apply to giving in general:

It assures us that we should give what we desire to give – that desire and eagerness will come to us naturally when we truly hear God’s Word read, proclaimed, and acted out. 

The quote also assures us that one only has to give “according to what one has, not according to what one does not have” – so even if you one day find a faith community wherein the Spirit moves you to desire to give, 10% of your current income is probably more than you have to give at the moment, and that’s okay.

Finally, Paul doesn’t specify finances in this quote – what you give to a church whose mission you believe God approves of doesn’t have to be money, especially if money isn’t something you have at the moment. It might be your time or your skills, your voice or your strength, your art or your presence – whatever unique gifts God has given you that you can use for the good of God’s world. 

If you don’t see God’s activity at this church, and thus are not moved to a genuine desire to offer what money you can, don’t do it. God does not oblige us to give money just for the sake of giving it; it’s not a task to check off the list of things you need to do in order to “earn” God’s love or blessing in your life. You don’t have to do a single thing to “earn” God’s love and blessing; God gives these things freely to each of us. 

Sometimes we don’t recognize that love and blessing clearly, because for better or worse God isn’t a micro-manager who swoops in and makes everything work out perfectly in our lives. Instead, humanity’s free will has built up systems that keep many of us poor, many of us oppressed; people who don’t “deserve” to suffer…suffer. Not from any fault of theirs, not because they failed to “earn” God’s help or because they did something to bring God’s punishment on them – but because that’s just the way this world is right now. It hurts people who should be protected. Even so, we trust that God is there – God is there with you in the midst of your distress, your struggles to make ends meet, your pain at the trauma you’re reliving. 

You aren’t broke because you’re not paying tithes; you’re broke because our world is broken and forces students to work long hours on top of keeping up with schoolwork and mental health stuff. I’m so sad and mad on your behalf that you’re stuck in this situation, and I hope things improve really soon.

Friend, I promise you, there will be a future where you’re able to go on hrt, where you are able to live as your full self, where you have friends and a qp partner and where you are happy and loved. There will be a future where you find a faith community that you’re thrilled to give back to, whether that’s your time and talent or your money or all of the above, because you truly see God’s activity in the work they do. It sucks that these things aren’t all true for you here and now, but I believe in that future for you. In the meantime, I promise you: God’s with you, unconditionally. 

[mental-health-advice]

I hate myself. I hate myself with a passion. I can't get out of my head, and I can't do anything right, I dont understand anything either. My thoughts are too loud and I hate them and I want to escape them. I don't want to be here, alive. But I know killing myself will just give my pain to someone else or whatever. I feel like I'm suffering. I used to take pills to calm me down, but my friends found out and told me to stop, I did for a while, now I feel myself slowly turning back to them.

Hey lovely,

Can you take a deep breath for me? It sounds like your thoughts are a lot. I get that they can be super overwhelming at times, I’ve been there. But you can get through this, I believe in you. And I’ll do my best to help you.

First of all, I think it would be helpful for you if you could keep a whitebook. A whitebook is a notebook in which you write down positive things every day. So today I’d write down that I answered some asks and that I cleaned up the mess in my room after a crappy day yesterday. It doesn’t have to be big, and it doesn’t have to be a lot. You can start small. The more you get used to it, the more points you write down though, challenge yourself! I did this for a long time and at some point I was able to write down ten things every single day. I never would have imagined being able to do that when I first started! While doing this daily, you also keep a list with positive characteristics in the back of the notebook. These positive characteristics are derived from your daily positive things. So to say with my example of having answered some asks today, I could write down caring, as well as dedicated. Eventually you’ll have a long list with positive characteristics that you can read over and over, which will slowly start to feel more true.

When your thoughts are so loud, have you tried writing them down or typing them out? I’ve also found that if I’m typing them out, it isn’t always enough, because they’re still just my thoughts. But if I’m able to communicate them to someone, it feels much more like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Is there anyone you’re close to that you could talk to when your thoughts are getting so loud? It doesn’t have to be one specific person, you can rotate between different people. And it’s always good to ask first if it’s okay with them / if they’re in an okay place, so then it’s good if you have a few people you could open up. 

I think it’s really good that you managed to stop taking pills for a while! It shows that you are able to not take them. I know it’s tempting to go back to them, but in the end they’re not bringing you anything. It’s a temporary calm and they’re not blocking out your thoughts forever. In the end, the only thing that happens is that you’ll get addicted to or dependent on those pills, and then it only becomes harder to stop. It isn’t going to make you happy. I know this is all easier said than done, but I think it’s important to keep that all in mind and to use it as motivation to keep fighting against the temptations of taking the pills again.

I also think it would be beneficial for you if you’d create a list with reasons to stay. You can use our page for inspiration, but really do make your own personal list. When you’re feeling particularly low, a generic list isn’t going to be as helpful as one you wrote yourself. If you ever feel like you can’t keep yourself safe, please don’t hesitate to get yourself to hospital, call for an ambulance, call a helpline, talk to a web counsellor, or ask someone to stay with you to keep you safe. Your safety matters a whole lot, even if you can’t recognise that at the time! 

I’d also recommend you to reach out for professional help. You’re going through a lot and that isn’t something you have to work through all by yourself! You can visit your GP / local doctor and explain to them briefly what’s been going on. They can arrange a referral to a therapist, psychiatrist, or other mental health professional. You can read more about getting help here.

I hope this helped at lesat a little bit. Let us know if there’s anything else we can be of help with!

Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard.Love Pauline

[waffles-hamato]

Helping With Anxiety

Since I feel like I dont contribute much to this site I've decided to make mty own guide to helping with some forms of anxiety. I'm only going to cover ones I have though as to not step over a line.

How to Deal with Social Anxiety:

Social Anxiety is a fear of social situations like parties or sometimes just going to school/work. My social anxiety was bad growing up but I've learned to deal with it better now.

1. Little Movements: For me I got socially anxious because I never know what to do with my hands and felt like people were judging me for that. So sometimes playing with something small helped to get my nerves down.

I personally enjoy my fidget spinner and cube but there are other things you can use. Just have anything you're comfortable with and you'll do great ❤

2. Writing: In school I usually get super anxious but whenever I do I write down my thoughts and start to calm down. It's just something about getting it out that made me feel better, like if you have a stomach virus and vomit it out through the process. Always carry a notebook if you want to get the thoughts out somehow but have no one to talk to at the moment, decorate the book however you want so it feels like YOUR book and only yours, and unless you give consent, no one is allowed to read it. Let it be your safe space where there is no judgment.

3. Discreet Meditation: Through my counseling my therapist taught me a few meditation tricks that helped lower my anxiety level. But only one can actually be done in public as far as I know. This one just helps to make it easier to make your stress/anxiety to disappear. (Step one: Clear your head as best you can, if you can't then that's okay but try to focus as much as possible.

(Step two: Start focusing down to your feet, think of how your shoe feels around it, your socks, how tight the laces are, etc.

(Step three: Start moving your focus through your ankles and up yours legs. Think of how your pants feel/the air around your legs.

(Step four: Move the focus up your torso, think of how your stomach feels at the moment, your chest, your sides. Do you feel any form of bad feeling/anxiety/stress? If you do focus more on that feeling and think 'Unimportant' over and over. After a while the feeling should go away. If it doesnt go fully away then that's completely fine, you're still doing great.

(Step five and final step: Move the focus up your neck and to your head (if possible an inch above your head) and think of how your brain is doing, how your hair feels, the sounds your hearing. Is there any form of bad thinking/anxiety/stress? If so then do the same as you wouldve done if it was in your torso area. But remember if the feeling doesnt fully go away it's alright. You're doing an amazing job going through it.

4. Listening to Music: I absolutely love music and sometimes when I'm feeling anxious in a social situation it's a great escape and helps to calm me. Make a playlist for that special occasion of personal therapy.

I personally love hearing Thomas Sanders voice because I have connected him to a happy part of my brain. If you have a good connection to an artist and one or more of their songs then I suggest starting your playlist with that. As you can see I have a lot of songs but that's because I'm scattered and can never tell my mood for when I want to listen but I always start with Thomas to get me in a beginning of a good mood. Just put in your playlist whatever feels right for you and itll be great.

How to Deal with Regular Anxiety:

I also have the normal form of anxiety which my therapist just calls extreme paranoia and overthinking. You dont even ahve to be in a social situation or anything special to have this it just....happens. This also connects to mty phobias but I dont believe I shall get into those now.

1. Little/Big Movements: This is the same thing I do with my social anxiety but it still works by yourself. Just play with a small thing or if you want you can even hug a beloved stuffed animal. If you have a loved one nearby maybe cuddling them or getting a hug will help. (I dont like being touched a lot but that's just me personally) You could even do little exercises to get that dopemine running, although I dont recommend a full on big workout while you're anxious because your brain may not take it well and neither will your body so just do small ones.

2. Listening to Music: Yes this is also the same but it still works. Pop out that playlist and listen to those glorious jams your beautiful brain chose just for you.

3. Meditation: Meditation works more effectively here because you get to do more and imagine more. I was only told two so theres this one and the other one for social anxiety. Usually I have another person talking the instructions to me so if you want you can do that or get a recording of the instructions because your brain should be mostly clear for this and not remembering them. (Step one: Sit down and close your eyes, your hands on your legs with your palms facing up

(Step two: Imagine you're in a forest. What kind of trees are there? Do you smell anything? Hear any sounds? (If you cant answer them it's okay, just keep going)

(Step three: Start walking through the forest, focus on the swish of the grass, crunch of the leaves, or clicking of the gravel as you do so

(Step four: Walk through. aclesring of the trees so you're at a lake. Sit down by the lake and focus. Do you hear the sound of the water flowing? Are you sitting by anything? Do you feel anything at the tip of your fingers? How about any sounds?

(Step five: Take a deep breath and close your eyes in the imagination. Let out the breath and slowly take in another

(Step six: Open your eyes. How do you feel?

4. Talk it Out: If you're comfortable enough with someone to the point you're able to talk to them about your problems then go ahead. Let it all flow out. If you know that person will support you through those thoughts and that talk then go for it. Get a hug from them, get their feedback, just get it all out on the table.

5. Counseling: If you're struggling even more than you thought then I suggest seeing a professional. They give you a new insight of the problems you face and will even give you more ways to face them then you could have imagined. Sometimes it's better to have someone who hasnt seen your stuff first hand but hears it from you. When I went, I had never felt like telling my friends my problems because I thought I would hurt them or they wouldnt care so it felt great to actually go to someone I didnt know and that didnt know me even if it was awkward at first. She listened, gave me advice, and at one point we became pretty cool with each other. It's worth a shot to go see a counselor so just give it a shot okay buddy?

6. Take A Nap: Being anxious can also be exhausting. Sometimes I wont get a good night's sleep because of my nerves and I see that as unhealthy. Not getting enough sleep can hurt your mind and make you weak. If you're tired, take a quick nap to clear your head and regain your strength. Anxiety shouldn't be allowed to physically hurt you so dont let it, start fighting back by just sleeping even for five more minutes.

7. Breath: When you're feeling really anxious it can be hard to take full breaths. Just try to relax as much as possible and slow down your breathing. I got my routine from Thomas Sanders and it helps a lot. Breath in for 5 seconds, hold in for 7 seconds, and breath out for 8 seconds. Keep going until you feel better. If that routine doesn't work for you then continue experimenting and find tyour own routine to help YOU. It's your choice on how to breathe, just make sure it a deep breath.

I hope some of this will help someone out there. I'm still figuring stuff out myself so it's okay if none of it works for you because I know people find their own special ways to deal with anxiety. So remember that I will support you in spirit with whatever helps you. See you in the next post everyone ❤

[nosuchthingasstars]

Prompt: A memory intertwined with a song

This is a mental health prompt, and my memory is -- you guessed it! -- mental health-related.

About six years ago, in late 2015, I was having a bad time. I still don't know exactly why, and I guess sometimes that's just how these things go. I had just moved across the country, and a lot of things had changed all at once. But I did have friends, both local and remote, and I'd been living away from family for years, so it just seemed like "I should be able to deal with this, right?"

There were a lot of little things that probably helped spur along my problems, though. I'd been excited about starting grad school, but I was having trouble making new friends in my department. I was sad that my officemate didn't seem to want to have anything to do with me. Around the time everything really started to unravel, I was hit by a car while crossing the street. I wasn't injured, more upset than anything. It was more of a bump, really. And since I was basically fine (a couple of bruises, nothing more), I kind of just tried to keep going.

Some of the therapists I've spoken to think that event was super influential in this whole thing. I'm less certain... Things had already not been going great, and while I'm told I felt guilty for surviving... I didn't feel that way, and I still don't. I was angry at the guy who hit me, I guess, but even that passed pretty quickly. I do think maybe I could have taken a day or two to process or something, but I really don't think it would have made a difference. Things were already pretty bad. I think of the car thing as "the icing on the cake." Except the cake is shit and the icing is something equally gross. Use your imagination.

I started having these weird thoughts that I just could not seem to push out of my mind. (They're called ruminations, btw, but I didn't know that then.) I became obsessed with this idea that I had cheated my way into grad school. It got really out of hand. I was so consumed with that idea that I couldn't even focus on my work, which was the whole reason I was in grad school to begin with. I was slowly convinced by people around me that I needed professional help, but it was harder to get than I expected. When I saw a campus therapist, she essentially told me that my anxieties seemed perfectly rational to her, so why was I seeking therapy anyway? My mom became so worried that she flew out to see me and, one afternoon, begged me to go to the walk-in mental health clinic. There, I was basically told "Grad school is hard, man" and asked if I was aware that this service was intended for emergencies. I saw a psychiatrist on campus, too, who prescribed me Zoloft (good choice, I still take that) and Ativan (much more questionable choice). For the uninitiated, Ativan is an anti-anxiety med. It can calm you down if you have anxiety. However, much like alcohol and many other substances, it's also a "downer". It's not an awesome choice for someone who is depressed.

By the end of that semester -- which I managed to hobble through, somehow -- a friend had convinced me that it really wouldn't end my career to take a semester off. And I did that, in the end. And I am so glad I did, because things got so much worse before they got better. I stayed with my parents and saw a therapist weekly while taking my meds every day and trying to keep it together. It was not a happy few months, to say the least. I ended up needed more medication (yay, Abilify!), and my therapist did her best to teach me how to deal with the intrusive thoughts until the medications started to take effect. Officially, I have depression and OCD. Untangling who caused which symptoms is complicated, because some of them overlap. Fortunately, the medications overlap, too. Little by little, the thoughts went away, but waiting for that to happen was absolutely agonizing.

So finally, we come to the song. I'm not sure when I first heard it. It's on a Gavin DeGraw album that my sister didn't like, and I probably only listened because it was on Spotify. But there's this line that repeats a couple of times.

Take those boots off the shelf Wipe that dust off yourself Even if you've been through hell, you're back

Still gets me. Because I did feel like I'd been through hell. I even questioned if I wanted to go back to grad school at all. But I did go back, I spent an additional five years there, and I got my PhD in the end. My career didn't suffer for having taken time off. Realistically, I couldn't have stayed while all that was going on inside my head. I left, I did what I needed to do, I got the help I needed, and I came back.

Mental illness told me my life and career were over. It told me all kinds of lies about myself. I still have bad days sometimes. But, all in all, things have improved so much since then. Even if you're going through hell now, you can come back. It doesn't have to be the end of your story.