#but i'll take all of that if it means a permanent space that belongs to me.

[queenerdloser]

so i grew up in apartments. always apartments - if we were lucky, my parents got a duplex, but those trickled away as i got older. and not like nice condo apartments, but the mid-tier paying too much for slightly shabby accommodations apartments. the apartments where you couldnt do anything to them if you wanted your deposit back and if you are a day late with rent you under the threat of eviction.

i was recently talking to a coworker about home ownership - one of our other coworkers (younger than me) bought her first house with her spouse and we were chatting about it. and this coworker is older, in her 60s, and was fretting about how this young couple might regret buying a house and how much WORK it is and how they couldn't possibly anticipate how difficult home ownership is and on and on.

and i tried to explain to her that like - for my generation, home ownership is this unattainable dream for a lot of us. and after living my entire life in transience - always moving, always aware that my living situation wasn't permanent, always worried about doing something against my lease that would get me evicted, constantly hemmed in by what my landlord said i could or couldn't do with my own private living space - that yes, i would take the extra work of home ownership if it meant stable permanence. i can't begin to describe how dreamlike that feels to me - a place that belongs to me, that i can do whatever i want with, that i can stay in for years and years. yes, the upkeep can be a lot with houses. yes, the responsibility for everything will fall on me. my coworker brought this up repeatedly after i affirmed i didn't care, as if i just wasn't hearing her. but the fact is, i would take a lot more hardships if it meant i could live permanently and i just. genuinely don't care about the additional work in light of that. and i think anyone who grew up in a house or largely lived in permanent residences is going to have trouble seeing eye-to-eye with me on that, bc this is 100 percent coming from a place of always always always living in apartments.

[cedarwrought]

nice: futility in the pursuit of perfection

(spoilers for EP 1 under the cut)

note: i'll refer to the original nice in this analysis, not lin ling. (we'll talk about him later LOL)

this is purely based off of the official trailers, pv, character concept, and episode one, so my thoughts are subject to change as more episodes are released <3

in nice’s character concept, he’s is shown to be nothing short of a perfectionist. everything has to be perfect: stationary, plates, silverware (or goldware, i suppose) have to be in their rightful positions. all of his belongings are gold, white or fall in a shade of brown, black. even his pillowcase is set in a neat geometric pattern. his hero costume’s color scheme- gold, white, and blue- screams sophistication and poise.

nothing can be out of place- so why choose to die the way he did? it's messy, undignified- and most importantly, public.

what type of fan wants to see their shining hero's brains splattered out on the street? in his hero suit, no less.

nice wanted to permanently tarnish his image of being “perfection incarnate.” he decided to damn himself even further by pointing finger guns at lin before falling- a bittersweet farewell.

despite his endless pursuit of perfection- and having seemingly obtained it (with the title of no.10 hero, his face plastered across every other billboard in the city, and a beautiful girlfriend fitting of his clean, polished image)- i think nice hated himself.

his floor in hero tower is devoid of any personality or sentimentality. the only decor is a piano off to the side, two treadmills (the other presumably meant for moon)- and most importantly, a statue of himself- of nice- in the middle of it all.

offering a palm out to whomever stands before it, the statue almost seems welcoming, friendly. almost. it looks like it belongs in a city hall or museum, not someone's personal residence.

so why keep a statue of himself in his personal living space?

you could theorize he's narcissistic. i mean, people would kill for the prestige tied to the name "nice." (we even get a glimpse of this jealousy in his character promo- hello mysterious stranger.) maybe it inspires him as he steps into another day of being “nice.”

but to me, it’s a reminder fueled by self-loathing.

nice has nothing- is nothing- without being perfect, adored, and envied. he's a former ballet dancer- an art form known for its severe dedication to the craft. we don’t even know his real name. If he can’t be the perfect hero, what is he? And when that image is threatened, what will he do to maintain it?

according to the official trailer 3, nice says he will “use whatever dirty tactics it takes to prevail.” the “villain” we see in his PV calls him out on his alleged hypocrisy, implying that he was involved- or at least knows of some of nice’s misdeeds in the pursuit of perfection.

hell, even his own hero name calls him out. To be nice is to be agreeable, pleasing. niceness is a surface level trait: a veneer meant to cover imperfection and rot. he's not supposed to be kind, much less good.

“Nice” has to be perfect, and whoever held the mantle before lin was unable to afford the cost.

EDIT: the video i had originally referenced for the the quote "use whatever dirty tactics it takes to prevail" had a mistranslation, as @/spidey-deadpool and @/rainibao kindly pointed out in the tags. in the original Chinese video, nice says "No matter what dirty tricks you play, I’ll overcome them perfectly." this lines in better with the self-loathing aspect I had mentioned, and im curious to see how it plays out!

referencing ballet again- it's an art form that ultimately breaks down your body. professional ballet dancers typically retire in their 30's or 40's due to the physical demand, and it seems that the same can be said for herodom- with the cost being your mental health and well-being. faith and trust from the public seem to enhance a person's physical capabilities and prowess, but the standards to maintain that image become increasingly rigid the more renowned a hero is, given how deeply heroism is entrenched in capitalism. im very curious as to see how debilitating injuries are handled in TBHX, but for now, we see the aftermath of how it led to a young hero taking his own life.

[two-white-butterflies]

violets for roses | c16

Description: Charles breaks up with you in search for higher ground. Where he realizes that he needs you beside him in order to truly win.

Pairing: charles leclerc/neurosurgeon!reader

Rating: Teen [jealousy, angst]

When he told you that he needed space - you gave it to him willingly, without any doubts or questions - because you knew deep inside that he'd come crawling back - that you couldn't live without each other. But when he wanted to make that space permanent? It caught you off guard.

"What do you mean?" you could feel your throat threaten to leak green bile. He seemed calm and composed from the other side of the call - a complete opposite of you. "I don't think that we're going to work in the long term, bebe." he dare used a nickname.

A small shudder escaped your lips.

"I don't understand," you shook your head - playing with the bracelet that he gifted you. "I want to focus on the championship." he began to explain his side of the story, but you couldn't help interrupt him. "Are you calling me a distraction?" you bite your lower lip.

You felt stupid.

Stupid because you weren't aware of his feelings. Unaware of the storm that was brewing inside of his mind. "I'm calling myself easily distracted," he defended you - knowing that half of his heart still belonged to the woman inside of you. "I-I think you're too good for me. You deserve someone who can stand beside you - hold your hand through accomplishments. That's not me." he prefaced.

While you were saving lives - he was toying with his own.

"Look at the future, bebe. Can you see a person who's barely there? I know you - I know that you want to be perfect. You dream about those white fences, a four bedroom house, kids that go to school - I can't give you that." he persuaded you, knowing deep inside his heart that he could give you that.

He could give you the family that you wanted - but he wanted to fix his life first. He wanted to make a name for himself.

"Well, there's no use in trying to force you to do something." you hum, wiping the tears away from your eyes.

"Goodbye, Leclerc." you hang up.

Charles_Leclerc: A single picture, yet it gives me a million emotions. I enjoyed being with you. I enjoyed drinking martinis by the beach and rolling down the sand dunes in Dubai. I enjoyed dancing in Ibiza, and singing down the streets of Los Angeles. I had fun, and I loved you - but good things must come to an end. Thank you, doctora. ❤️

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dr_yn_official: I'll be getting over you, my whole life. Merci du fond du coeur. @Charles_Leclerc

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CHARLES LECLERC AND GIRLFRIEND'S BREAKUP TO MATTY HEALY AND TAYLOR SWIFT SPLIT. (by deuxmoi)

Deuxmoi: Now I got this from one of his girlfriend's close friend, that Charles wanted to focus on the championship while she wanted to focus more on their relationship. A few months before their public breakup, they had a little break (now they didn't specify how long the 'break' lasted but they broke up officially before they got back together).

Unknown: That's shitty, because isn't Charles 25? He's old enough to know that a person should focus on what their girlfriend needs.

Deuxmoi: Yeah! And apparently, he was very 'fuck off' manner and he was all about himself. He was always talking about what he wanted and what he needed.

Unknown: Oh my god!

Deuxmoi: Now I'm gonna start this off by saying that I'm not taking any sides, but my source told me that Y/N was bending over backwards to provide what he needed and wanted. At the end (he spoke up about their faults by phone call by the way) - at the end she just went 'alright i don't wanna make our relationship a favor to you' and broke up with him.

Unknown: She broke up with him?

Deuxmoi: Yes, she did.

"Are you alright?" your co-worker places a hand on your shoulder, seeing that you weren't able to finish the surgery. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have stepped into the OR knowing that I'm like this." you sigh, leaning into the cold metal chair. You've seen the tweets about you. You've seen the hashtags on twitter. It wasn't helping.

"It's okay, you're the best surgeon in the hospital - and Dr. Alawi has finished the operation. No harm done - but I will be telling HR." the nurse warns you, and you answer with a nod. Fair is fair. "It's just hard getting over a breakup," you admit - wiping the sweat off your forehead. " -especially when it's with someone I see a future with."

She sits down beside you, offering a bottle of water.

"I don't want to ask anything personal, but if you need someone. I'll be here to help you - I'm sure that you'll see someone better." she comforted. "Lots of fish in the sea." she joked, earning a small laugh.

She glances at you - seeing the sad look on your face.

"Guess what," she smiled and you turned to look at her. "What?" you inquired - watching her open her phone. "You should go on a date, something that'll take your mind off him." she offered, showing you a picture of her cousin. "He's also a neurosurgeon. Dr. Pritchett, you'll love him." she smiled, browsing through his instagram posts.

A sigh escapes your mouth. Anything to get rid of Charles.

"Give me the date, I'll be there." you tell her, and she begins typing on her phone - presumably messaging the man.

The friendship between you and Dr. Pritchett grew with every event that he invited you to join. Soon enough, you find yourself tolerating his company - often leaning into his touch willingly.

"This institution was founded by my grandfather, Mr. Patel. It's helped so much patients that suffer from brain related diseases. I can't imagine a Monaco without it." your date boasted, touring the entire crowd around the tapestries hung around the hospital.

"The number of sponsors and volunteers grow with every month, now thanks to Formula One collaborating with us - we help a lot more people." he chuckled, hands rubbing comforting circles on your back - you almost forgot that your ex-boyfriend was in the crowd.

"It's beautiful here, I didn't expect it to be a hospital." Toto complimented, taking a slow sip of his champagne. He was one of the hospital's biggest donator. Truly, a nice guy. "We wanted it to feel like home." you add - showing them around the new building.

Your eyes trail towards the man beside him - Charles Leclerc.

"It feels like that," he hummed - a small frown on his face. You were getting on his nerves now - and so was the man beside you. "Most of our patients are children, the adults are in the other wing." Dr. Pritchett added, glancing at you. "We tried to make it as colorful as possible, but it's a hospital - decorum is needed." you hum, fingers dancing along the rim of your glass.

Why couldn't you stop thinking about him?

officialyour_name: the annual st. luke's gala. thank you so much to @formulaone and @scuderiaferrari for sponsoring tonight's event. also to the f1 grid who are in full attendance!

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Charles had a lot of guts marching towards you.

"Hey," he breathed seeing that sad pout on your face. "Hey," you smiled at him - surprised to see him walking towards you with such bravery. Didn't he walk out of the door a few months ago?

"You're in a new relationship, huh?" he chuckled bitterly, sitting down on the wooden chair beside you. "Well, it's not a relationship - it's more of a friendship." you admit, doctors and formula one drivers have a lot in common - they both didn't have time for relationships.

Dr. Pritchett saw you as eye-candy. Something to pass time around.

"That relaxes me a bit," he hummed - letting the alcohol take full control of the situation. "I regret breaking up with you, to be honest." he scratched his nose, fearing your response. "Charles, don't." you warn him a disapproving stare.

You already learned from the past - you already let go of your wings in order to fly. He didn't have the right to take that away. He didn't have the right to take away your independence.

"I can't stop thinking about you, and I want to get back - together, bebe." he used the same term of endearment, waiting patiently for your reply. "You can't be serious," you scoff - feeling the eyes on you.

"I'll give you time, but you know how to find me." he stood up.

and you'll always find him.

(ONE YEAR LATER)

officialyour_name: never thought i'd be sharing a candid shot, but here we are ❤️

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"I can never seem to get rid of you," you chuckle - laying on the sand and watching him attempt to make a sand-castle. It's been six months since you last gave him a chance. Twelve months since that fateful gala. You've never been happier. "Well, you're jealous because my sand castles are beautiful." he boasted, filling it with water.

"Sure, bebe." you teased.

He's changed a lot. He's more honest with his feelings. He talks to you about his problems - instead of keeping it to himself.

He wasn't a good boyfriend before - but he was a great boyfriend now.

Charles_Leclerc: We gave it a bit of thinking, and we realized that we look better together. I realized that I'm better with her. Cheers to dancing in Ibiza, singing down L.A, slipping down Dubai, and drinking Martinis by the beach. @officialyour_name

248 comments 724,192 likes

soldforparts12: YES! I KNEW THAT THIS WOULD HAPPEN

officialyour_name: I LOVE YOU

officialyour_name: We look better in RED. Missed you, drama king.

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[lostintheuniverseslies]

🏠or the BT soulmate au!!!

Okay, I really love the scene I wrote for 🏠 and I'll include the soulmate one too.

🏠 - What Makes Me Happy

Buck couldn't keep his hands off Tommy as they stumbled into the house after date night. It was late, meaning all the lights were off except for the nightlights he’d set up so they wouldn’t have to fumble through the dark—or worry about waking anyone when their shifts didn’t line up.

Eddie must have already gone to bed, and while Buck liked the fact that they all lived together, tonight he really wanted to fuck Tommy. So he was relieved there was no delay with small talk before bed.

Tommy guided him through the house, pushing him up against the wall every now and then, kissing him hard, deep, like he needed him.

"I want you so badly," Buck murmured between kisses.

Tommy answered by steering them down the hallway toward their bedroom, hands gripping Buck's waist with purpose. Except, the moment he pushed the door open, he suddenly pulled back, a slight furrow appearing between his brows.

"What's wrong?" Buck whispered, but Tommy just shushed him, tilting his head toward the bed.

And Buck knew before he even looked.

He turned around, and sure enough, there was Eddie, curled up in their bed, fast asleep.

Buck let out a sigh, but there was no real frustration in it. Tommy’s hand came to rest gently on his lower back, warm and grounding.

"We could kick him out," Tommy whispered, though his tone suggested he wouldn’t have the heart to do it himself.

Buck didn’t either. If he was being honest, he was getting used to Eddie sleeping in their bed. And if he let himself think about it too long, he’d admit to wanting it.

Still, Buck had told himself this wasn’t permanent. Not when Christopher came back. When that happened, Eddie wouldn’t feel so lost, so untethered. He’d go back to sleeping in his own room.

That was the rational thought.

So why, even after months of telling himself that, did Buck still have a family-sized king mattress sitting in his online cart?

"No, that’s okay," he finally murmured. "He must’ve felt lonely while we were out."

Tommy hummed softly, wrapping his arms around Buck’s waist from behind and settling his chin on his shoulder as they both watched Eddie sleep. He was right in the middle of the bed, his head half on Tommy’s pillow, half on Buck’s, like he belonged there. Something about the sight made Buck’s heart squeeze.

He wished they could have this all the time.

"Maybe we should take him out with us next time," Tommy suggested, voice low.

Buck huffed out a quiet laugh. "Then it wouldn’t be date night."

"It can still be date night. Just… with an additional person."

Buck smiled to himself, loving how easy it was with Tommy—how he never felt threatened by Buck and Eddie’s friendship, how he always made space for Eddie without a second thought. It was probably the biggest reason their relationship worked so well.

"Maybe," Buck said, amused. "But I still need nights with just you and me. I don’t think Eddie would appreciate us dry-humping each other in front of him."

Tommy stifled his laugh against Buck’s shoulder. "I don’t know… maybe he’d like it."

Buck let out a quiet, startled laugh, then quickly covered his mouth when Eddie shifted.

"Come on, let’s get ready for bed," Tommy whispered, pressing a quick kiss to the back of Buck’s neck before stepping away. He shut the door behind them, and they slipped into the en-suite bathroom to change without disturbing Eddie.

When they returned, Eddie had turned over in his sleep, his back now facing the door—and Buck’s side of the bed.

Buck slid under the covers carefully, pressing up against Eddie’s back as he settled in. The shift in the mattress must have registered in Eddie’s sleepy mind because he stirred slightly, reaching for Buck’s arm and pulling it around himself. Without hesitation, Buck let him, curling in closer, his chest flush against Eddie’s back.

Buck exhaled, his breath ghosting over the back of Eddie’s neck, and felt the subtle way Eddie relaxed against him, like the warmth of another person—of him—was something he needed.

When Buck looked up, Tommy was standing by the bed, watching them with a soft expression. He didn’t say anything—just pulled back the covers and slipped in beside them.

Tommy hesitated for only a second before shifting closer, his front pressing against Eddie’s. With slow, careful movements, he reached out and slid an arm around Eddie’s waist, pulling him in, tucking him against his chest like it was second nature.

Eddie murmured something unintelligible in his sleep but didn’t resist. Instead, he nuzzled closer, his face pressing against Tommy’s collarbone, breath warm against his skin.

Buck, still curled around Eddie from behind, watched as Tommy settled in, his chin resting against the top of Eddie’s head. The sight made something deep in Buck’s chest ache—not with hesitation, but with certainty.

This felt natural.

This felt right.

Buck let his hand skim down Eddie’s arm, fingers brushing against Tommy’s where they rested at Eddie’s waist. Tommy’s hand turned slightly, like he was acknowledging the touch even as he closed his eyes.

Buck followed suit, letting his body melt into the warmth of the two men beside him, and with a small, sleepy hum of contentment from Eddie, they all drifted off.

⚡️- I Was Made to Love You

After the tsunami, the physical pain stopped coming as frequently, but his soulmate's emotions were bordering on concerning—especially in the following years. It made him wonder if his mother had been right, that they wouldn’t truly be happy until they found each other. The thought consumed him, made him desperate to search, but hope was slipping through his fingers. He was a few years shy of forty, and everyone agreed that if you hadn’t found your soulmate by thirty-five, your chances of ever meeting them dropped to nearly zero.

At least Tommy still had the hum under his skin. He may never get to meet his soulmate, but at least he’d always feel that connection. That’s what he thought, at least.

He was at Harbor, bored out of his mind since they’d been grounded—the electrical storm raging outside was too dangerous for them to be in the air. The hum was there, strong as ever, and his soulmate’s emotions had been mostly positive for the last couple of years. Then, out of nowhere, the hum was gone.

He felt nothing.

No pain. No emotions. Just a void, an absence of everything good, like someone had taken that bond and severed it.

Tommy had never felt anything like it—not since he first became aware of his soulmate’s existence. Panic set in fast, his heart hammering against his ribs. Why couldn’t he feel them? Why was there only emptiness? The first thought that crashed into him was the worst possible one.

His soulmate was dead.

No. No. That couldn’t be. Not when Tommy had never even met him.

His breath came in short, sharp gasps as his knees hit the floor, his hand gripping his chest like he could physically keep his heart from breaking apart. No, no, no. This couldn’t be how it ended. This couldn’t be happening. He wasn’t supposed to lose the one good thing in his life before he ever got to have it.

One minute passed. Then two. Then three.

And seventeen seconds later, the hum returned—along with unimaginable pain.

Relief warred with the agony. His soulmate was alive. Tommy’s vision darkened before he could process anything else.

make me write

[sequinsmile-x]

Our Great Divide - Chapter 8: Leave it All behind, and There is Happiness

It's what they'd hoped would happen for years. For close to a decade it's what they would talk about late at night whilst snuggled up in bed together, quiet voices whispering about a life where Jack and Haley came back, where Jack could meet his siblings and their family would finally feel complete. Now it was finally happening, Emily had a pit in her stomach. A heavy weight made of fear and guilt as she worried that this could actually be the thing that tore them apart.

A Foyet Arc AU

-x-

Hi friends,

Well, here we are at the last chapter!! Thank you so, SO much for your love for this fic. It really does mean the world. I'm sure I'll revisit this universe at some point for a prequel or a sequel (or both!)

As always, let me know what you think.

-x-

Warnings: Full list of warnings can be found on the Master List

Words: 3.2K

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

“I don’t want Jack to go.” 

Emily sighs as she looks at Stella, the pout on her little girl’s face as adorable as it was pitiful. It makes sadness swell in Emily’s chest, the familiar ache that came with saying goodbye settling low in her gut, the seeds of it taking root as she picks the toddler up and rests her on her hip. Stella immediately presses herself against her, her face in her neck, her tiny hands tight in the neckline of her shirt, and it allows Emily to push her own sadness aside, to focus on her daughter’s over her own. 

“I know, baby,” she says, stroking Stella’s hair, running her fingers through the wild locks that could seemingly never be tamed, “We’ll all miss him, but things aren’t going back to how they used to be, remember?” She kisses the side of her head, smiling against her temple when she nods, “We’ll see him again over the summer, and he said he’d call you all the time.” 

Stella huffs as she pulls back, her lip still stuck out in a pout. Emily pokes it, smiling when it draws a smile out of her little girl, however fleeting, her dimples making a brief appearance before she remembers she’s sad. 

“I don’t like goodbyes.” 

She feels the sorrow start to bloom, the flowers of it taking up space in her chest in a way that makes it hard to breathe. She used to be good at goodbyes. They were par for the course with her life. First when she was young - permanently the new kid and never somewhere long enough to make friendships worth saying goodbye to. Then with her chosen career, since being a spy didn’t necessarily go hand in hand with making friends, and then when she was in Paris - a goodbye that had stolen from her. Her friends all sure she was dead, their arms aching with the phantom weight of her coffin when she was sitting in an apartment on another continent wondering what she could have done differently. Even that had felt inevitable. Every day she’d spent happy and content as she found somewhere she belonged in the BAU another step towards a goodbye, something her life had taught her was always just around the corner. 

Aaron, and by extension their children, had taken that ability from her. The idea of leaving people behind, of moving forward without them, suddenly something she couldn’t bear even when it was simple things like their first day at school. When Hugo started kindergarten, the fear of Foyet still looming, she’d been inconsolable. Able to hold herself together until he was safely in his classroom, his eyes wide and shining as he turned back to wave at her and Aaron. She’d cried the entire journey home, the words goodbye, see you later bitter on her tongue as she rode in the back of the car with Leo, her hand wrapped around his tiny foot as Aaron drove them home. 

“Me neither, sweet girl,” she says, rubbing a circle on Stella’s back, her gaze briefly drifting over to where Aaron was sitting on the couch with Jack, Hugo and Leo, the two young boys all but hanging off their older brother. “But it’s okay to be sad.” 

Stella huffs and leans forward, her forehead against Emily’s cheek as she snuggles deeper into her embrace, “Daddy will be sad.”

Emily nods and kisses Stella’s forehead, “He will be, but we can look after him, right?” She asks, and Stella nods. Her attention is drawn towards the boys again, Hugo and Leo’s chatter loud and well-intentioned, but drowning out a moment Aaron was trying to have with his eldest, one of the last ones they’d have in person for a while, “Let's go take Hugo and Leo outside, huh?” She says, bouncing Stella on her hip, drawing a laugh from her, “Give Daddy and Jack some time alone.” 

Stella nods and scrambles down from Emily’s embrace. The moment she’s on the ground she runs towards her brothers, her expression as determined as her movements as she demands Hugo and Leo go outside with her just as Emily knew she would. Stella had them all wrapped around her little finger, as she had since the moment she was born, so neither Emily nor Aaron are surprised when she quickly convinces them to go with her. Emily follows them, content to keep her children entertained outside and she winks at her husband, shaking her head slightly when he smiles at her in thanks. 

He never had to thank her for this - for loving him. He loved her in the same way. Deeply and without condition. The kind of love they both liked to think they deserved after everything they’d been through both together and apart. 

Aaron watches as they go outside, the happy loud chaos that fills every corner of their home following them out, fading as they make it to the backyard. He smiles as he turns to Jack, “They’ll miss you.” 

Jack smiles and nods, “I’ll miss them too,” he shrugs slightly, “And you and Emily.” 

“We’ll miss you too buddy,” he replies, “And when you come back in the summer we’ll decorate your room.” 

He beams at that, “No Captain America sheets?” 

Aaron laughs, “No. Unless you want them.” 

Jack shakes his head, “I think I outgrew them a while ago,” he says, his smile fading as he says it, the sadness that lingered in every conversation they had taking back over. He swallows thickly and looks at a picture of him and Aaron on the wall, a picture he has no memory of being taken, their smiles wide as they look at the camera. His gaze drifts towards the neighbouring picture, one of Emily sitting in a hospital bed with a tiny Stella asleep in her arms, Hugo and Leo on either side of her and Aaron with his arm around them all,  “I’m not mad at you for having them. Or for marrying Emily,” Jack says as he turns to look at Aaron, embarrassed over talking about his feelings in a way only a teenager could be, “I always used to worry about you being here by yourself.” 

“I was for a little while,” Aaron replies, his chest stuttering at the memory of it. How he was suddenly left with nothing, his son torn away from him by a man who had tried to ruin his life. For a long time, he thought that he had. He thought that Foyet had won, but he slowly picked up the pieces, and then eventually he let Emily help him do it too. Her touch delicate, her heart liable to damage in those early days on the sharper edges of what was left of him as she learnt where all his pieces went, “Before Emily.” 

“I wish I could have been a part of it.”

Aaron places his hand on Jack’s shoulder and squeezes, desperate to press a decade's worth of love into it, every moment they’d missed together in the air around them. “Me too,” he says, squeezing his shoulder again, “But you can be part of it now. You are part of it now.” 

Jack nods and pulls his father into a hug, his arms tight around him as he seeks out everything he hasn’t had in the last decade. Every single hug and kiss and bandaid pressed against a scraped knee pressed into one moment. Into one hug that, even two months ago, would have been the thing of a dream. A phantom embrace that would linger once they woke. An embrace neither of them would have been able to place, their memories of each other as out of date as they were faint. 

“Love you, Dad.” 

Aaron kisses his head and then holds him closer, his arms tight around his son as he soaked up as much of him as he could. Desperately reminding himself that he wasn’t losing him, not this time. He could call and text and visit, and that was something he would have prayed for just weeks ago. Whispered appeals to a god he didn’t believe in, hoping that someone was listening, to get him exactly what he had now.

“I love you too, Jack.”

___

Aaron smiles as Stella sinks into his side, both of her arms wrapped around one of his as she encourages him to turn the page of the book in his hands, the only other sound in the room Emily reading to Leo through the wall.

“On went the mouse through the deep dark wood. 

A snake saw the mouse, and the mouse looked good. 

"Where are you going to, little brown mouse? Come for a feast in my log pile house." 

"It's wonderfully good of you, Snake, but no – I'm having a feast with a Gruffalo."

“Daddy, you need to do the voices like Mommy,” Stella says, huffing like she has the weight of the world on her shoulders, “Mommy says you’re like the Gruffalo. You should do the voice.” 

Aaron raises his eyebrow and looks down at his daughter, his smile amused when he’s met with her indignant expression, as if he were looking at a mini Emily, “Mommy says I’m like the Gruffalo?” 

She nods, “She says people think you look scary but you’re soft,” she frowns as she says it outloud, as if she’d never considered it before, “But I don’t think you’re scary.” 

“Neither does Mommy,” he comments under his breath, storing away the information to tease his wife with later, “You should have your eyes closed my little star,” he says, poking her nose, smiling when she scrunches it up, “You’re supposed to be going to sleep.”

“You’ll do the voices?” 

He sighs and nods, “I’ll do the voices,” he relents, wondering how he was once capable of staring down killers without blinking but was now entirely unable to argue with his toddler, “But close your eyes.” 

He carries on reading, making a point of doing the voices as she’d ask, unable to fight his smile as her giggles get quieter each time, her body heavier against his side. When he’s finished, he slips out from under her. He tucks her up, making sure her favourite toy is in her arms, and he leans down to kiss her forehead. 

“Love you, princess,” he says, kissing her forehead again before he steps away. 

“Daddy?” 

He pauses and turns back, her voice thick with sleep, her eyes barely open as she looks at him, “Yes, Stella?” 

“I’ll stay forever so you won’t be sad,” she says, her words slurred, seeping into each other as she loses her battle with sleep. 

He stands there in silence for a few moments, her innocent words creating an ache deep in his gut. He knows she means it now, that she couldn’t imagine a world where she was anywhere except by his and Emily’s side, but he already finds himself sad at the thought of her as a teenager. Every bit as beautiful and wilful as her mother as she pushed her limits. He wished they could all stay small forever. That they’d always be close enough for him to protect and keep safe. But he also loved to watch them grow, loved watching them become their own people. It was the one part of parenthood he struggled with, one that had been as sharp as it ever had as they waved Haley and Jack off that afternoon. 

“Sleep well, Stella,” he whispers even though she’s already asleep and he steps out into the hallway, blowing out a shuddering breath as he closes the door behind him. 

“Are you okay, honey?” 

He looks up at Emily and sighs, shrugging because he doesn’t really know how he feels. The familiar joy and sorrow he’d been used to over the last decade overwhelming him as he steps towards his wife, “I don’t know.” 

She smiles sadly as she closes the gap between them, wrapping her arms around him as she sinks against him. She rests her cheek against his chest and lets him hold her tightly, letting him take everything he needs. She shares her strength with him, lets it seep from her skin to his, just as he had for her countless times before - the give and take that was the bedrock of their marriage. 

“That’s okay,” she says, running her hand up and down his back, her palm warm against his skin as she sneaks it under his polo shirt, “I don’t think there is a right way to feel with all of this,” she smiles softly as she pulls back, her eyes soft as they meet his, “I’m proud of you though.” 

He furrows his brow, “Proud of me?”

She nods, her teeth sinking into her lower lip for a moment before she leans up to kiss him, her forehead against his when she pulls back, “You’re a good man. The best, actually,” she cups his cheek and kisses him again, “You let your son do what was best for him, even though it hurts.” 

He sighs, his eyes drifting closed as he nods, his forehead knocking lightly against hers, “We’ll see him again soon.”

It was a mantra of sorts, one they’d repeated again and again in the last week or so, and one they both knew they’d continue to repeat until it came true.

“We’ll see him again.” 

They stand in silence, wrapped up around each other outside their children’s bedrooms, seeking the comfort they’d only been able to find in each other. 

“Emily?”

She hums, “Yes, honey?” 

“What’s this I hear about me being like the Gruffalo?” 

___

June 2016

Emily smiles as the door to her hospital room opens, her hand stilling on Stella’s back for a moment as Aaron walks in, careful as he pulls the door closed behind him.

“The boys are okay?” She asks, turning her head to kiss Stella’s dark hair. Aaron nods and walks over to join them, sitting on the edge of the bed so he can be as close to his girls as possible.

“They are both obsessed with their little sister,” he says, kissing Stella’s head and then Emily’s cheek, “I have a feeling they’ll be talking Penelope’s ear off about her until she gets them to sleep tonight.”

Emily chuckles, “Well, Pen famously isn’t as strict with bedtime as we are,” she says, her smile soft as she looks down at their daughter, “And I can’t blame them for being obsessed with her. She’s perfect.” 

“Just like her Mommy,” Aaron replies, his smile wide when she rolls her eyes at him, her reaction to his softness as predictable as his words themselves. “Hugo was telling Leo all about how to be a good big brother.” 

She smiles, her cheeks and her heart aching with the happiness she still struggled to accept was hers some days. “They’re sweet,” she replies, smiling down at Stella, “I hope we get out of here tomorrow. I don’t want to spend any more time away from them than I need to.” 

“I know, sweetheart,” he says, tucking some of her hair behind her ear, “But you both had a rough time of it. So I’m not taking you home until the doctor says it’s okay.” 

Of the three labours she’d had, Stella’s had been the scariest. Everything had taken a turn quickly, more medical staff than she could count rushing into the room as the doctor gave her specific instructions to not push no matter how much it felt like she had to. Words like shoulder dystocia thrown around between doctors and nurses, the meaning behind them all of a sudden even more terrifying than they had been when Emily read them in one of the many books she’d bought when she was pregnant with Hugo. Aaron had been her rock, as ever, throughout it. Pushing past his own fear to help soothe her through hers, his words soft and his hold on her hand fierce until Stella was born just a couple of minutes later.

“You’re such a stickler for the rules.”

“When it comes to you and our daughter’s safety, always,” he replies, his eyebrow raised at her, his amusement clear even when hidden behind the lingering fear. She yawns, her lips pressed together as she tries to hide it, and he smiles, “Want me to take her for a while so you can sleep?”

She shakes her head and tightens her hold on Stella, “No,” she says, yawning again, “I’m not that tired. We’re okay.” 

If they hadn’t done this twice before, he knows he’d be offended. That he’d react to what would be easily misunderstood as mistrust if he didn’t know her better. He smiles and shifts closer, his hand over Emily’s on Stella’s back, “Sweetheart, you’ve been awake for close to two days. You need to sleep. And she’ll need feeding in an hour or two. I’ve got her. I’ve got both of you.” 

She wants to argue, but when she fights a third yawn in as many minutes she relents, her smile shy as she nods. She kisses Stella’s forehead and whispers her love against her skin before she passes her over, her hands clasped into fists to stop herself from snatching her back, “I guess I could do with resting my eyes for a bit.” 

He hums in agreement and stands up, Stella secure against his chest as he sits in the chair next to Emily’s bed. He settles down and is unsurprised to find Emily already fast asleep by the time he looks up, her mouth hanging slightly open, her head lulled to the side. He chuckles and tilts his head down to look at Stella. He takes the time to study her features, so many of them undeniably Emily’s already. 

“Mommy and Daddy love you so much, Stella,” he says, stroking his knuckles up and down her soft cheek, “And so do Hugo and Leo,” he smiles softly, “They were so excited to have a little sister.” He swallows thickly, the missing piece of their family never bigger than on days like this. Jack’s absence all the more notable as their family grew, the space he’d left behind not shrinking but growing. “And you have another brother, Jack,” he says, clearing his throat as he leans down to kiss the top of his little girl’s head, taking a moment to breathe in the sweet scent of what he knew would be his last baby, “He lives…far away. But he’s safe and I hope he’s happy. You’ll get to meet him,” he says, sounding more confident than he felt, unsure he could bear to think of the alternative. “One day. One day you’ll get to meet him.” 

Hope, he’d learnt over the years, was often the last thing to fade, stronger than its adversaries, and vast enough to bridge any divide. 

[nitewrighter]

I mean like, I get it. I work in a library, and regardless of how much I really do believe in the purpose and ideals of libraries, and how important my work feels with regard to being a major part of a community, a lot of the day-to-day aspects of it have actually made me really cynical with regards to people. Like sometimes it's people's behavior within a library that makes me go, "Damn, bitch, you treat a shared public space like this?"

Other times I'll be on desk and get phone calls of harried moms saying, "um, I got a note saying that I was being charged for a missing copy of Captain Underpants, but I returned that book!" and I'll open her account on my computer and I'll see she has the maximum 50 items checked out, and I can hear her kids screaming in the background on the phone and instantly my brain goes, "Oh there's no way in fuck you turned that book in because there's no way you're actually keeping track of all these books with how demanding your kids sound. I bet I could name at least six books on this list and you won't even know you still have them checked out." But y'know I'm still polite and I still go through all the customer service motions and I put a 'Claims Returned' note on the book in her account and that's pretty much all you can do. I don't assume she's lying per se, I just assume she asked Hunter or Brayden or Jayden to turn the book in and they didn't but said they did because they're seven years old and barely have a concept of object permanence, let alone "These books belong to the library." People are messy and like, even though I have a lot of pride in the library as an institution, I have to keep reminding myself that people are messy, and you have to do what you can to maintain that institution because it wouldn't be an institution without these people. There are definitely assholes who you can tell are asshole to the max because "What's a librarian going to do about it" but basically to get through the day, even with all your passion for the job, not taking things personally, and also recognizing that what inconveniences often isn't inconveniencing you out of intent, is a survival instinct.

[mellows-arts]

UPDATE: JAN-17-2025

I will be changing lots of things since I I've changed some of the ocs and main story so stay tuned! You are still free to read this tho! I'll see y'all around ✨️

Welcome to..

Apotheosisverse!

First off, a few warnings this place will contain mature themes(16+) if you don't likes the following things please don't even bother being here, move on and don't make a fuss about it: Violence, blood, slight NSFW, angst, deaths, slavery, abuse

Buut will also contain: adventure, romance, occasionally fluff, and lots of ocs. Also lots of skeles, monsters and everything xD

Also note not all the art belongs to me but the ocs are so yea-

This place is an apocalyptic AU/verse where a mysterious virus is slowly taking over and destroying worlds, homes, hopes and dreams some places have lost everything to the threat leaving nothing but a few survivors to none, some other places don't even know the existence of the virus and is all thanks to a crew led by Dream, they are responsible on trying their best to keep the peace and to stop the virus from causing more devastation the virus behaves very differently in each word it touches so is is very difficult to find a cure to stop it..

[Image on hos the virus works coming soon]

For now let's meet the main crew!

Daylight: The one who sends the crew to dangerous missions either outside or inside to investigate dangerous sectors of the cities to keep the peace he doesn't smile much

Mist: usually calm and collected he's the one who leads the missions most of the time not only outside but inside the city as well being the only one to survive the virus with his brother he is sometimes protective of him he doesn't really know how to talk to people outside work however.. he is quite shy.

Shira: Usually the second in comand agile, friendly, loyal but quite a bit hot-headed at times she gets along with most of the crew she lost her arm and a small shunk of her soul on a fight and constantly has phantom pains she hates looking at it or others mentioning it Sugarbee usually helps her whenever they need to fix the arm.

Ves: she is usually sent on missions inside the city a bit quiet and impulsive, but always follows orders to the leter gets along well with Shira, she is often confused as a guy but she doesn't really care.

Kuru: A demon who saved Ves from human hunters on her once home and now is resident on her soul keeping her alive usually the voice of reason whenever they are on missions.

Cipher: The very first one to loose his home to the virus and is constantly looking for the one responsible for it workaholic, he is the only one known to survive the strike from the virus leaving his arm permanently damaged

Artik: Him and Mist where the only ones to survive when their home was destroyed by the virus. He is very mischievous and loves to mess around with others just to get them to smile after what they've been trough but he finds it difficult to take care of himself so his brother is constantly nagging him about it. He also gets in trouble a lot for not following orders in missions sometimes.(Flake and him are best friends)

Sugarbee: A sentient AI robot built by Cypher using what he could save from his home to help detect any viruses or issues outside or inside the omega City, he is flirty, loves to mock and he is a very good singer usually the one in charge of tech and weapons

Hohenheim: Shy, anxious but always ready for whatever they throw at him. hugee pacifist and only fights when he needs to he is the healer of the group and extremely good at archery he believes everyone's good deep down.

Gunner: one of the most recent ones to have lost his home and joined right after out of revenge for his home grumpy, mean to the crew, barely smiles and of course a bit lazy he only tolerates Shira and Hohenheim.

Skitz: He is often lost in thought, tends to space out and stare up at the sky, doesn't smile much, he is quick to anger but also quick to cry. Struggles to make friends/connections and has issues talking about himself or where he's from. Has a lot of emotional baggage but refuses to tell anyone, but those that get close to him and even that is rare. He wants to do good things but has abad record of messing things up. Only swears on rare occasions. he can also eat five times his body weight.

Now that you've met the main crew, let's meet the others and their place in their homes!

There's this place called omega city Is a huge void-like world that are the homes of our Guardians Ying and yang! They are the only ones who can led access to this place.

Ying:

Yang:

They make sure to accommodate all beings who have lost their homes to the virus here and most live happily in peace..but you cant keep the peace everywhere...This place has many flaws, from anarchy between humans and monsters to mafia, monster facilities, to dense forests with tribes and dangers in every corner.. there's a little bit of everything in this place!

And now to show you where everyone lives! There's many places scared outside the main city to explore!

[Images of the city layout coming soon]

⚙️The Outcodes⚙️

These are people who want to live as much of a normal life possible in the city center after the many events that have happened to them These peeps mostly live in peace with one another and rarely even fight with some having homes, jobs, etc but not everything is 100% peace..

Flake: Extremely anxious, insecure but very kind and generous, he always tries his best on whatever is thrown at him even tho he sometimes panics he sometimes trains with Artik with his ice magic to defend himself better he is also sometimes clumsy (he is in a very toxic relationship with Jiro)

Simon(parasite): Outgoing, yet anxious when meeting new people this parasite in disguise is very well known and liked because of his career as a streamer he also owns his own brand of clothing. Doesn't go outside much but is very well recognized when he does

Jiro(parasite): only there to cause a bit of chaos and eat the souls of lost citizens around the city doesn't matter the species he can paralyzed his victims using a toxin on the tip of his fingers one smal scratch and you are done for he is very flirty, manipulative, controlling, abusive and extremely dangerous(he is in a current relationship with Flake)

Kai: He was a s*x slave since he was very young that is all he knew but years later humans discovered he was the last of his kind after thue to over hunting so he was put for exhibition and all that and pay lots of money to sleep with then till the day he snapped and murdered everyone in sight before disappearing. He is adventurous yet timid with people. Has a hard time trusting others but gets attached easily. He was a bit of a sarcastic tone at times with people he doesn't know well and only loosens up when someone proves they're able to be trusted. Can be over protective and only wants to find someone he can truly trust.He is also very sex repulsed..yet craves it.

Opal:

♠️♥️Mafia alley♣️♦️

This place is what they call the wealthy moster section of the void here mosters rule these area this place is mostly crime driven and the place with most fancy restaurants, bars and clubs there are many dangers and crimes occurring here from time to time..

[Image coming soon but for now their names]

Leonard Maximilian

Lazarus

Kuro

Mint

🏢⛓️The labs and facilities⛓️🏢

This is a place where mostly humans live and the few monsters that are here are slaves for the wealthy humans is either of this section made in breeding factories and sold to serve the humans who live there. Most of the monsters live in facilities and know very little about the outside.

Brax' info is on his ref sheet-

Ivoris

Shade(lamia)

Stitches(parasite)

🪵🌳The woods🌳🪵

This place is one of the biggest in this place connecting all around the the void/world where tribes and much simpler people live in and where most of the organic food grows to be distributed across but there's also many dangers on these parts to tribes feral monsters to dangerous entities! Humans sometimes will come here to hunt down creatures for pleasure or trophies and such but not all of them come out alive to tell the tale.

[Updated Image coming soon!]

Shin: Has been alive for thousands and has been along side Ying and Yang longer than anyone, this fox spirit takes care of the forests keeping humans away as best he can he is quite respected by the tribes and most who live in the woods he is very cunning and sneaky being able to outsmart hunters all the time by causing illusions.

Patches: A strange doll-like creature who feeds on human flesh and souls he is always alone thue his fear of hurting and scaring others and will usually starve himself just so he doesn't hurt people as often or until he looses himself to hunger will sometimes observe villages from a distance and learn stuff with his smaller from to not attract unwanted attention.

Gaia:

Xavier:

And now for the extras...the bitties!

And now that you've met everyone inside the omega city..let's meet the ones outside!

.

.

.

❌️⚠️The threats⚠️ ❌️

There are many threats that want to find, harm, and destroy the omega city Ying and yang are very sought after by the people who want to do harm since they are the key to even get there but most of the threats are taken care of...but for how long?

[Note: I don't have all the references yet so please bear with me-]

Dust!Ink(Scape): A psychopathic being who makes living creations outta mosnter parts in order to make the perfect being alive with beauty Since his body is hideous to him it has become an obsession to him. Is in constant battles with Code[Error]

.

ㄅɬЯⅰк∑Я: it is believed to be the cause of the virus, but they aren't 100% sure of it they are always around with two giant wolves who destroy and eat the souls of innocents his face remains a mystery to the crew and are always actively trying to catch him but to no avail..

And that's about it for now! Hope you enjoy it here. Asks are always open for well- asks, interactions, ships and roleplay!

[This post will update over time not all the info will be present for the time being please do be patient ;; thank you for reading!]

Last update: 30-oct-24

[kitramune]

This is not my usual fandom posting so feel free to ignore it but in light of posting pics of my rabbits I've gotten a lot of other rabbit pics in my feed and I don't want to call anyone out, but education is always key, so... I'll just share my stance here: Rabbits do NOT belong in cages. Rabbits may seem lazy since they are crepuscular (like cats, meaning active at dawn and dusk) but they are extremely active when they are, and need space to roam and binky and run and hop. A cage is not that. Cages are also impractical af since they cost upwards of $100, whereas you can make much more adequate space by buying those puppy exercise pens for like $40. Save your friend, and save your wallet. Rabbits do NOT belong outside. Domestic bunnies have no way to regulate their body temperature and will very easily overheat or freeze if left outside. That's not even accounting for predators like neighborhood cats tormenting/scaring them or breaking in to get them. Rabbits do not belong on hard floors, nor do they belong on most advertised substrates. Rabbits do not have paw pads. Just fur and bone. A hard surface can cause sore hawks (open wounds on the feet) at best, and permanent splayed legs at worst. Many substrates are also toxic or hazardous for them to ingest. Rabbits can't vomit like a dog or cat, so if they ingest something bad, they are very at risk for blockages or toxicity build-up. Generally safe exceptions include recycled paper bedding or baked pellet bedding, in their litter box. For flooring, I recommend an area rug that they can't dig or chew up. Speaking of litter boxes, those little corner ones that come with cages? Ditch 'em. (Spayed and neutered) Rabbits are exceptionally clean animals, but they do poop constantly throughout the day due to how their digestive system works. Those tiny boxes are going to fill up even if you manage to make them comfortable for the bun, and then the rabbit is forced to get feces and urine all over its paws, or it's going to say "screw that" (understandably so) and eliminate all over its space. Preference for hood vs no hood etc is going to vary depending on the rabbit, but go with a large cat litter box and clean it every 1-2 days depending on the bun or your own tolerances. Get a large, heavy dog water bowl. Rabbits on a healthy diet drink a LOT more than you'd expect. Elowen is only like 4lbs and I have to change her huge bowl every day. I say heavy cuz rabbits like to throw their bowls. Those little water bottles for cages are also pretty garbage. Not only are they bacteria traps that are ridiculously hard to clean, they don't give enough water and your bun is at high risk for dehydration. Drinking out of a bowl is far more natural for the lil guys. Brush them and clip their nails! They will groom themselves but rabbits have very heavy sheds and because they can't cough up hairballs like cats, it's a blockage risk if they have a ton of excess hair. Long nails in a rabbit will also increase their risk for splayed legs and other health issues. That healthy diet I mentioned? It needs to be about 80% grass hay. Make sure they have a steady supply, especially in their litter box (rabbits have an "active gut" meaning they eliminate while grazing) If you have a hard time with Timothy Hay because of allergies or dust, I recommend good quality orchard grass or oat hay. Pellets should be given only at mealtimes measured by the rabbit's weight. More is liable to make your rabbit overweight. Pellets should be 19% fiber MINIMUM. Untreated or washed leafy greens are also important. (I get those pre-washed baby spring salad mixes for Elowen cuz I'm a big dummy lazypants). Fruits and veggies should be treats only, due to the sugar. (Yes, the carrot stereotype is a LIE. I know.) Hay naturally keeps their gut healthy and their teeth filed. If you notice a rabbit not eating for a few hours, take it seriously. G.I Stasis is no joke, nor are overgrown teeth. X_X

[shelandsorcery]

website thoughts

Since moving apartments, I've been feeling a kind of spring cleaning urge for all of my things physical and it turns out, digital. Since my physical belongings are in unmanageable mountain of family heirlooms in the form of bankers boxes full of loose photographs, and artifacts from my grandmother's childhood that nobody can identify but also nobody ever threw out, I've been feeling like I should try something a little bit more manageable first.

By that I mean, my digital life. I have maintained a personal website on the internet since 1997; for the majority of that time, my personal website has served primarily as a portfolio of my artwork. However, that's not necessary right now, for a couple of reasons:

A) Careerwise, I'm working as a salaried, permanent art director at a videogame company. I'm not only not currently looking for a job, but my prior approach to jobhunting, having a collection of examples of my concept art and illustration, probably isn't the best way to find another salaried art director job in future. While it might be one part of that hunt, I suspect I will also need examples of the finished games, as well as all the other things people use to get real jobs like references, etc. This means that a personal portfolio site won't be the make or break in my future job hunt at this time.

B) Perhaps even more importantly, though, I don't know that a portfolio of my prior work is going to be a particularly accurate demonstration of what my work going forward is going to look like. Since my arm surgery, I'm learning to draw with my left hand, and since I don't have anywhere near the physical control over it that I did over my dominant hand, my approach to making art is being forced to change. And it's very early days, right now I'm still teaching myself to write legibly, and building the muscles it takes to do that. Line control and mark making with appeal are simply not on the short-term schedule. So much as I am proud of, and attached to my prior work, my prior style, and my prior process, it feels dishonest to promise those to future clients. Or to myself, really. So a portfolio format just asks a lot of questions I have no answers to at this time.

Other reasons for having my work on the internet include selling it, which I certainly love to do, but between moving and my arm and paperwork, right now I'm just selling PDFs in a pay what you want capacity on my gumroad store. I do hope to get back into designing products and selling playmaps and so on, but it's the right choice right now to keep that on hold.

So I'm a bit at a loss for what to do with my personal website, is the TLDR of all this. I really got out of the habit of blogging or writing personal thoughts on the Internet when we entered the everything is problematic phase of cultural conversations; I would like to reclaim that but it might be safer to do so in the less personal/more anonymous space of cohost or tumblr or such. I'm certainly curious to hear people's thoughts on that!

One angle I had thought of was approaching my website as an archive, as opposed to a portfolio; I can be a bit obsessive about tracking the chronology of things, why not take advantage of that? But I don't know if that has any interest to anybody aside from myself, though I guess that's reason enough to do it. I had considered blogging about the process of learning to use my nondominant hand/retraining my dominant hand once we know what its final capacity will be, and I have been keeping personal notes on all of this, but I don't think this is something I can share publicly in real-time. It's a bit intense. Maybe years down the road I'll be able to condense it into a simpler narrative that I'm comfortable sharing?

Unfortunately all of this is tied up in my process of relearning to create right now; I'm not sure that I really need outside help figuring this out, as much as I need just the space to dump thoughts out of my head. But if you do have thoughts, or stuff you'd like to see from me, or questions, certainly let me know!

Thanks for reading this hot mess!

*(dictated but not read)*

[actofgrxce]

Read before interacting with me

P.S., while I'm here, kind of a PSA and the only time I'll make it: I cannot stress enough that Ed is very deliberately and painstakingly coded as neurodivergent and mentally ill and if you write with me, you need to respect that.

And I don't mean the ableist impulse of "WOO HOO cray-cray stabby pyro cap'n Blackbeard, what a nut amirite!" I mean the man, as Taika Waititi plays him and David Jenkins writes him, is legitimately profoundly struggling with acute trauma and s*icidal ideation, while ALSO struggling to overcome more than 50 years of maladaptive coping techniques. Since Jenkins et al have (imho very cleverly) elected to frame the narrative more as an ahistorical allegory of found family and queer belonging that just happens to take place on the high seas with colonial-era pirates, they therefore allow characters to be aware of their own feelings and cognitive processes in the way that we are (in the 21st century). This means modern diagnostics apply. So, like. Y'all.

Ed has ADHD.

He has an Attachment Disorder (probably Avoidant, but I'm still thinking).

He has C-PTSD,

and he probably has either RSD (with the ADHD) and/or Bipolar II Disorder.

These disorders are real and they are hell to cope with (I only have two on the list myself, and I find it almost completely debilitating sometimes), and despite the modern self-awareness and the modern lingo, Ed still lives under conditions that make self-diagnosis near-impossible. He made a major effort in the Divorce Robe with the feelings-sharing then lost the battle with himself. This is one reason Stede is so good for him. So how does my blog come into all this?

I still ship Blackbonnet. Yes, even more than Stede x Izzy, despite its own understandable appeal. Yes, definitely more than Ed x Izzy (unhealthy in a way that's just not my jam--do it if it's fun for you, it just won't happen here). I will probably filter tags for those ships, in fact, for personal reasons. It's a bit frustrating. People turned on Stede too fast for my taste in s1 and I think they've turned on Ed too fast in s2. These two are learning how to be better as middle-aged closeted queer men (one also from poverty and BIPOC). Let 'em make (big) mistakes. Which leads to the next point.

I'm not going to dilute or make light of the awful things Ed did in "Red Flags," but I'm also not going to engage with any part of the OFMD rpc that permanently condemns him. I've spent the past 15+ years writing controversial, complex muses and doing the thankless work of defending them to people who are committed to misunderstanding and contempt. And uh. Well. As I enter a new decade of life, I'm just no longer equipped (or interested). So if I see signs of that, I'll just quietly disengage.

This isn't the same ofc, as answering meta questions to the best of my ability; media analysis is still My Thing™. I just hope y'all can catch the distinction. I don't want to be a character's constant "defense attorney" anymore. People have the right to hate him, and they can go ahead while I continue, in my space, not to.

Thanks a million (truly) for reading and considering.

[starstruckpurpledragon]

Living with the Left Nav on Tumblr

So if you don't mind the left nav Tumblr has moved to, but feel it's annoying the way it squishes in on the dashboard, then I've got a few minor tweaks you can do with a simple css editor - like stylus.

.ZkG01 { justify-content: normal; } .ZkG01 ._3xgk { margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; } [title~="Live"] { display: none; }

So what this does:

1.) Changes the page justification with the first section. This puts the left nav permanently on the left side of the screen. Where a left nav actually belongs, not crowding in on the center with space on it's left. It's a left nav, it does not need to creep inwards to make the rest of the page harder to read.

Except now the dash has crept over to the left too which is where section 2 comes in.

2.) Puts automatic margins on the dashboard area - this includes the search bar and all the clutter beneath it (x-kit rewritten is useful for hiding that clutter) - to both the left and the right. What this means is that the content will be centered with equal sized margins on either side. So the dashboard + margins will, together, fill up the entire space to the right of the left nav with the dashboard centered within that space.

That takes care of the page spacing concerns with the left nav... so what's that third css section doing? (I bet you can guess.)

3.) It also hides the tumblr live button on the left nav. Apparently the latest update from snoozing 7 days to snoozing 1 month has changed it so that it no longer hides the nav item. That sucks. But with this little piece of css + x-kit rewritten hiding the carousel... it's like Live doesn't even exist. Even when the snooze comes to an end.

This works great if you choose not to use the Tumblr Dashboard Unfucker script - I did use the Dashboard Unfucker for a while during the missing avatar phase and if the avatars go away again (or some other accessibility unfriendly decision is made) then I'll be using the Dashboard Unfucker again. But I'm actually okay with the left nav, aside from feeling it needs a few minor tweaks to be decently usable.

Tumblr has given in to peer pressure (current industry 'standard' UI practices) but it's not entirely bad. The old flow was better for noticing activity and messages, but the new flow makes it a lot clearer what the nav icons are for now that they have actual text. I'm also a lot less likely to click the wrong thing by accident as there was some hit-box overlapping in a few places when it was a top nav.

There are a couple of things, though, that I'd still like to see happen with the left nav. The first is a toggle of some kind for collapsing the left nav to just icons again. On small screens - but not small enough to trigger the collapse on its own - being able to toggle the menu open/close would be pretty useful to help conserve space for the dashboard. Second is moving the search bar into the left nav. It makes way more sense in the left nav than it does to the right of the dashboard. And that may wind up being what pushes me to give creating my own userscript a try, if I decide I want that search bar moved badly enough.

[manousjournal]

Travel Sketches (Nov 2023 - March 2024)

Nov 2023.

Bishnumaya just turned 100 this October. She comes from Pokhari, about 15 kilometers from Mirik town. As we spoke, she recalled old memories, her expressions shifting as if reliving those moments. She seemed elsewhere, gazing past me into the distance, and then, as if continuing a conversation with herself, she said, “Nowadays people ask about caste when they meet someone, and how is that of any use?”

She described how, when she was small, there were no proper schools in her village. She learned to read and write, however little, by arranging corn kernels on the ground to form shapes that resembled letters and numbers. Reflecting on her long life, she added that everyone around her—friends her age and younger siblings—is dead, and she feels like a monster who swallowed them all.

The sun is out, but it’s only warm where the light falls. The history of Mirik is reflected in its lake, which used to be a marshland. According to Wikipedia, the name Mirik comes from the Lepcha words Mir-Yok, meaning "place burnt by fire." It's very green now for a place that was once burnt.

A town fair is underway, offering a range of attractions: a Ferris wheel, flower park visits, fast food stalls, ice cream carts, horse and boat rides, live pop music, card game betting, balloon shooting, local bingo-type card games, and hoopla with prizes up for grabs. Some prizes are cash with notes of 20, 50, and 100 rupees.

——

For the past ten years, I haven't had a permanent home. When I wanted to sidestep the weight of planning and longed for comfort and familiarity, I returned to places I liked a little more than others: Auroville, Dharamshala, Shillong, Aizawl, Nagaland. 

I like meeting new people and have formed what feels like extended families in some of these places. Since I have mostly felt free to move around, sometimes nostalgia of people or a time or a curiosity to see how things may have changed would draw me back to a place.

Earlier in August, while I was temporarily living in Auroville, I got a call about a six-month project called The Great Himalayan Exploration, a collaboration between UNESCO and Royal Enfield. The project aims to document the intangible cultural heritage of local communities in the Himalayan region of Northeast India.

My work on this trip specifically involved photographing the people behind various cultural practices and examining the ecosystems they exist in. To build context, I engaged in various methods, such as scanning old photos from people’s personal albums, taking photos of their living spaces, landscapes, and exploring archival resources. From November to April, we were in West Bengal, Sikkim, Tripura, Mizoram, Assam, Nagaland, and Meghalaya.

------

On our way back to Siliguri from Mirik, we made a lengthy stop near a tea estate. Lalita, from Tingling village, shared that she had spent two decades working on the estate, much like many other women from the village. Their collective hope was to earn a minimum of 500 rupees per day for their labor. Currently, they are receiving 250 rupees per day for an eight-hour shift.

------

Sanchamaya, 74, sits with her friend Bodhimaya in the front yard of her house in Darap, both lifelong farmers of the area and belonging to the Limbu community. They're nice and welcoming. It's our second day in Pelling, West Sikkim, and I've ended up at the wrong house. Today, we're supposed to see a drum dance(chyabrung) performance by local Limbu boys, which I'll catch later.

They talk in basic broken Hindi, with Shusan translating most of it. Sanchamaya leads me to the back of their house, where she proudly shows me trays of dried large cardamoms. Later, we'll visit her cardamom field. They also cultivate Mosambi, oranges, guavas, maize, peas, ginger, and onions. Sanchamaya spends her days with her friend, grandchildren, working in the fields, and cooking in the kitchen.

------

I visited Chuba village, 3 hours away from Gangtok, with Semeon from Haflong, Assam, a textile design graduate from NID and working at Sonam’s design studio called EchoStream based in Gangtok. Semeon was familiar with the village and the community I was there to meet. Arun Gurung and his wife, founders of Chubako, are endeavoring to revive an old tradition of sourcing wool from indigenous banpala sheep to make clothes. They operate a small cooperative called Chubako. In this village of 43 families, one person from each household now works for Chubako. (photo above: Arun Gurung, founder of Chubako)

(photo below: Designed by Sanskruti Shukla, co-created with the craft community of Chubako for Echostream, Gangtok)

Local stories of the craftspeople of Chuba are showcased and incorporated into wool through interactive workshops focused on storytelling and design development. The felted art rugs depict the flora and fauna of Sikkim.

Gangamaya Gurung, 83, Arun Gurung's mother, lit up like a child when she saw Semeon. They shared a bond akin to best friends. Despite her age, Gangamaya remains active, tending to sheep, cutting grass, farming, and weaving. When asked about her leisure activties, she said, "eat, watch TV - eat, watch TV."

Sampati Debbarma, a farmer, returning from work in Takarjala, Tripura.

--------

Jan, 2024.

We have been out on this trip for 3 months. My thoughts scattered in a kind of bardo between the world I know and the world I am coming into contact with. I picture house fronts with flowers in Darjeeling, roads winding, the long cold rivers snaking toward mountains that seem no bigger than my thumb, the snow capped peaks shifting colours, the prayer flags in high altitudes and on house doors. Gangtok’s Lal Bazaar skateboarders flash by, a school in Tripura where a student lives on 700rs a month, nini bung tamo and 4 other sentences I learned in Kokborok nag me like a tune. Sidangcherra to Pecharthal to Panisagar to Damchara checkpoint we make our way from Tripura into Mizoram by road. I think about where I will be later in the summer and see a white fluffed cloud taking the shape of a growing tree far on the horizon.

——

Krismas Ruaitheh(Christmas feast) at Khatla Presbyterian Church, Aizawl. This is my 3rd time in Aizawl. I used to go for dinners, sometime evening tea to my friend’s family house further up the road from the Khatla church. We are here to document the traditional community feast of the Mizos.

Priscilla is currently pursuing her BA in Political Science in Delhi, and she's home for the holidays. She was volunteering at Khatla Presbyterian Church where she and her friends were tasked with serving lemonade, a customary drink after the meal. For Priscilla, the most remarkable aspect of the feast is its longstanding tradition — dating back to pre-Christian times — where the entire community comes together to share its moments of joy and sorrow + they still use Changel Hnah (plantain leaves) — the traditional way to serve meals.

-----

On an idle walk one evening in Khatla, I find myself in a local thrift store and get invited to meet James Lalhmingliana. He is 80, one of the founding members of Aizawl's first bike club, Aizawl Thunders. He went to school at Sts. Edmund’s in Shillong.

In 1966, he joined the Mizo National Front uprising, fighting for freedom. He went underground for seven years, first in Arakan, Burma, then in 1969 to East Pakistan for shelter. "It was useless," he says. "We wasted our good years. When I came back, I was put in jail, but not for long."

He has been housebound for years due to his health.

———

At 8 am on a cold January morning, we arrive at Joonbeel Mela. (Joon and beel are Assamese terms for moon and wetland. The Tiwa community first organized this in the 15th century to exchange goods between indigenous tribal communities in Assam and the surrounding areas.)

It is known as the only fair in India where people still practice barter, exchanging goods like fish, sweet potatoes, yam, homegrown vegetables, turmeric, chili, kali miri, and rongalau.

Over a few hours, I have brief interactions with people from Jagiroad, Pamlatar, Deosal, Sira, Changsari, Potia Pathar, Bengenabari, Palahguri, ulukunchi, morigaon, Nagaon, Saru Amli, Belguri, Damal, and places as far as Langpih, mawlynnong in Meghalaya.  No one refuses a photo.

—

This is my fifth time in Nagaland. I first came here ten years ago and stayed at Kevesho's home. He is the father of the Tetseo Sisters, a well-known folk group of four sisters from Nagaland.

Kevesho Tetseo, son of Nülhüprü Tetseo was born in 1950s in Thüvopisümi village, Phek District, Nagaland. Initially schooled in the village, he finished his HSLC at Government High School in Kohima and graduated from Kohima College in Arts. He worked in the Education Dept. for sometime and now retired. Active in cultural music, Chokri language preservation, and in church choir since his youth.

(Tati - - a single string musical instrument which is used as an accompaniment with singing of li- indigenous songs by the Chakhesang Nagas.) 

Kevesho learned how to make Tati from observing elders in his village when he was young and has done Tati making work since 1990s and a good number of it has been produced till date by him including improvising it for longer life by using steel wires as strings.

He tells me, the woven shawl he is wearing in the picture is "thipiqhü". It is the most prestigious shawl (indigenous cloth) among many traditional clothes of the Chakhesang tribe. It is a shawl they wear with humility and honour.

“Nagaland is my home and I love my culture, its rich traditional heritage, and the natural beauty.”

-----

Daisy Yaden was born in Zotlang, Mizoram. She studied at the Welsh Mission School in Mission Veng, Aizawl. She will turn 98 this June. She learned to weave shawls on a backstrap loom, stitching, and baking from her mother, often baking cakes in the fireplace. She taught in the interiors of Nagaland, in places like Noklak and Changtongya. She started her career by teaching people self-sufficiency—how to cook, make jams and pickles—skills she picked up from a British magazine called Woman’s Own. She used to compose little tunes for children at Sunday school. She loves flower gardening and her favourite film is "Gone with the Wind."

Photographed at her house in Duncan, Dimapur.

I am sitting with Marian, Daisy's daughter, at her house in Duncan. Marian, now 75, lived in Bombay from 1970 to 2012. She went to college there and worked as an air hostess with Air India for 34 years. In 2012, she returned to Nagaland. We agreed to meet again for lunch and look at her old photo albums.

(below: Marian,16, in Kohima trying a sari for the first time / in Santa Cruz, Bombay in the 80s with James Ferreira and friends)

——-

Khinchi is Christian, and Sindri is Songsarek, belonging to one of the last animism practising communities. I learned a few words in Achik: Khading bo, Methela, Namja, and Manja. Here I am in the extended kitchen space at Sindri's hut, in Sadolpara, Dadenggre, where they are taking a break from cooking lunch. 

-----

First published in Hindustan Times June '24

[jackalopc]

Hi, R.A. again, hope the moving process has been manageable so far!

Thanks so much for the face suggestions! Already had a few of them listed from my own brainstorming, but absolutely loved all the options you provided. Thanks for taking the time to do that, and I do hope you had some fun with it - all the other shit aside, that's a fun little thing I often like to do, to various ends, but I know not everyone's into it or sees the point, so it was cool to see you share that you'd been thinking about giving something like it a try, and then absolutely knock it out of the park with your suggestions.

So, I'd always intended to wait for your response to my follow-up ask before I sent in another substantial reply of my own, so I'm not ignoring the first response that you posted (have a reply drafted, actually - just wanted to wait and possibly combine my two replies, because while you want to tackle my 2 asks as separate things - which is fair - I think that because they're about the same thing, I want to be able to put it all into a response together, address it all in one place).

That said... I'm not sure it's worth it, honestly? I think we have fundamentally different takes and approaches to a whole host of things, some of which was immediately apparent in our different wording, tone and direction of the initial ask & response, others are things I've picked up on in other posts/tags when I've scanned your blog for updates for Redfly Anon. Doesn't mean there's suddenly no chance of a civil dialogue, but we didn't have a great first round of interactions, and that has me questioning whether it's really going to be of much benefit to continue.

You're free to do as you choose, obviously - reply or not, to this, to the aforementioned 'Part 2' ask, whatever. If you want to write up a response, great! But if it's something on your tumblr to-do list that's looking more like a chore, but you feel you should keep the conversation going or something, this is me very freely offering you an out. There was never any expectation that you'd respond in the first place, and there's no expectation or demand to do it now.

I'll probably check again in a week or two, see if you did decide to post anything more on all this, but for now I can't really see myself dedicating any further time to write out a proper, considered (and edited, for once) response to any of it. Absolutely not meant to disregard the time and effort you've already put into any of this, or to judge, moralise or criticise any of the aforementioned differences - I appreciate the input, and hope you're able to continue curating an enjoyable and fulfilling fandom/media space for yourself on your blog and with your friends, I just don't think I belong inside that same orbit!

-Redfly Anon 😎

tumblr ate the original draft of this gdi i was literally about to hit post this used to be a proper website

howdy! it's nice to hear from you again! moving is going so-so... i got a month left and i should definitely be further along than i am admittedly. oh well.

i have been wanting to tackle your second ask, just been busy and/or no brain power to do so. i'd thought about working it into the original one, but i got it literally just before i was about to post and there was just a lot going on in both. a lot of the second ask felt contradictory to your first; and a lot of your first ask alone was already a bit contradictory to itself.. so i felt it would be a bit too unwieldy to work into one, larger piece. at least in any way that felt coherent and productive. it's on my "to-do" per se, but i don't really see it like as something negative or as a chore. i just have a bad memory between ADHD and disabilities; so i just need the literal reminder that it's something that exists. i have a very classic ADHD thing of object permanence problems lmao

i'd like to say i generally try to approach life and people from a we're friends (or at least friendly) until i'm given reason not to be perspective. and despite how these asks/responses, i personally don't find them reason enough not to be in the friendly category, et cetera.

i don't know if you follow me, or we're moots, or you're in my TFF community, or none of the above... i've said it on my blog multiple times now that its up to folks to curate their spaces. so if interaction stops here? then i totally understand. but know that should you ever want to continue speaking, whether on this topic or anything else, my inbox and DM's are always open.

i also doubt you're still interested in my MIBABM series, and i'd be surprised if you are. but it's okay if not, and no hard feelings. do i wish more people read it and enjoyed it? of course, everyone wants their work to be recognized and also to share their love of their favorite character. i'm also not blind though; i realize i am one of only an itty-bitty handful of people who like his character, in a vast ocean of folks who are at best neutral on him to outright loathing of his character to the point of censorship. i don't need folks to love or even like redfly or agree with his actions. i just wish people disliked him based on what he actually did.

rest is under the cut just bc im a yapper.

i think your ask(s) also touched on some grievances i've had with fandom in general for a while, which didn't help. it all feels too focused on the actors and not the characters and the stories themselves. it's why i've been grumbling so much, and i get it's probably annoying to anyone whose not also frustrated by it. like not to sound like an old man yelling at clouds; but i just miss being able to go into a fandom tag and seeing cool gifsets, art, and people excitedly talking about the story, et cetera.

it feels like any of that happens very rarely, nowadays. everything just feels like a mess nowadays that carving out a space feels less like building a comfy blanket for you and your friends; and more like digging out a foxhole. everyone finds comfort and escapism in fandom, in their own different ways and always have. but now it feels like i need to find comfort and escapism within fandom itself now too.

but maybe i'm an odd duck in that thought process. i've never been particularly good at fitting in, even in nerd spaces, and i'm aware of that. i don't really like it, but i've accepted it.

my tag comments are also rarely directed at specific folks or anything but like the Grand Meta of it All, if that makes sense...

admittedly i know i can be very blunt and often off-putting; despite often my best efforts not to be. i also know i'm a very passionate person. those two things are… not the best combination. and despite how it may seem, i did take (and still do) your messages in good faith and like as not intentionally trying to be upsetting or anything like that. but honestly the overall message in combination with the fancast request was… not ideal? not with how it was worded, at least.

but i don't think anyone particularly enjoys getting what is essentially summed up to: hey this character you like, also played by an actor you do see as attractive? i don't like the character and i hate how the actor looks. anyways wanna fancast an alt for me so they're bearable? like i hope you can understand why that's kind of an upsetting message to get; even if its not intentionally trying to be.

could i have approached it with more tact? sure, with me there is always room for more of it. do i wish i was more tactful? eh? kinda, maybe in spots. but overall, i don't know if that would have changed much.

to be quite honest, i wasn't entirely sure the asks weren't some sort of... hm, trap isn't the right word. but they felt more like experimental prodding, like hey lets see what will happen. which isn't inherently bad, but it did leave me a little suspect of them. particularly the language you used around referring to me (as the redfly #1 fan/expert/etc).

but maybe i've also just been in fandom for too long and am too "old", so i've just seen so much weird shit happen.

to quote your second ask:

It's ridiculous, but it's fandom so, like, I don't care if I'm being picky and ridiculous. It's not that deep, my core issue is as surface-level as they come.

you're right, on all accounts. like even in fandom, people can be as picky and ridiculous as they want. i certainly am (*gestures to the literal everything about me and my blog*). but i don't think there should also be an outright dismissal of things not being deeper, whether for you and this instance or just on a more grander scale that surpasses us both.

something something context and coconuts..

like i said in my original response, i think overall your ask(s) just helps verbalize a lot of whats going on in this neofandom era. and whether i like it or not, it's whats currently happening. but, i do know that like problems IRL; the only way for change to happen is to do something. so maybe this is just the role i'm meant to play in that, who knows.

all i know is just want to share my love of this movie with others; and share my love of my favorite characters. and not necessarily have to fill the tag myself just so i don't have to see nothing but awful shit about my blorbo.

the censorship of affleck's name was just... no that's still weird, and even if i regretted the overall message of everything else i wrote, that was still weird. like at the end of the day, i hope if you took anything from what i said, it's the fact you shouldn't participate in censorship.

[lmanburgbeloved]

Lovers Always Have The Toughest Decisions

the start of something dangerous • 1

a c!dream x reader

summary: 'the blonde's face held the same expressions as everyone one else's, you, the lover of the masked man, just admitted to being behind the idea of either option, keeping him alive or killing him.'

warnings: lots of swearing, reader is referred to as sis and sister, c!dream’s torture in prison is briefly talked about in this part, a fight scene does happen, slight blood, i think that’s it! if there’s any i missed please let me know! :]

you looked out the window, sighing as you looked at the sight of the sky with pinks and orange with the sun rising, jumping slightly when arms wrapped around your torso and a head snuggling into the space between your shoulder and neck, "what're you looking at?"

you exhaled a small laugh, you rested your hands onto his that hold you like they don't want to ever let go.

___

"if you kill me death is permanent," everyone in the Blackstone bunker went silent "if you kill me Wilbur is gone forever" you walked forward, telling everyone a quiet 'excuse me' until you found yourself setting your hand on tommy's shoulder "tommy, please look at me" and he did and when he saw you, mascara stains down your cheeks his heart broke slightly, "what do you want to do? because I'm behind you on this" the look on the blonde's face held the same expressions as everyone one else's, you, the lover of the masked man, just admitted to being behind the idea of either option, keeping him alive or killing him.

while deciding you put dream in an obsidian box, the main group debating on what to do, the others whispering to each other. a voice broke through the conversation you were having with tommy "we could put him in the prison".

you and Tommy looked at each other, you waiting for his opinion, him looking for yours. "well, what do you think about that idea bossman?" a small smile appeared on tommy's face, any other time he would laugh at you calling him bossman, "yeah, let's do it"

Sam stepped forward and breaking the obsidian, he grabbed Dream's arm and started to move "wait i will go with" Sapnap spoke up causing Sam to nod his head with approval, you quickly gaining your voice "I'm going too"

the green haired man gave you a sad look and shook his head as he said "we- we can't trust you with this, i can't have you learn about the workings of the prison, because you'd then be a threat, you're the only person out of everyone on the server who has a reason to break him out" your heart hurt but you understood, kind of,

you were a curious person so you spoke up asking a question "and what would that reason be?" Sam let out a small chuckle, so did you, both knowing the answer "you love him, you're- well- dating him" you looked down smiling but looking up again with a sadder expression "just because i love him doesn't mean i don't think he belongs in the prison," you're smile falls as you look behind Sam at your boyfriend, frowning at the gash on his face, "i can still visit him, right?"

Sam put a hand on your shoulder causing you to look at him "of course, everyday if you wanted, once we have everything secure" you looked around the room quickly looking back to Sam "can i at least hug him before you all leave?" Sam nods causing you to run fast at the once masked man, now unmasked.

His arms open quickly and soon you're wrapping your arms around his neck, his wrap around your torso, you both hold on so tight, everyone backing away to give you this last moment, still keeping an eye on you both, but from a distance, you notice and take that moment to whisper in his ear, loud enough for only you both to hear, "i'll get you out of there, trust me" he holds you tighter,

"alright, we have to go" Sam says with a softer tone causing you to pull away slowly from Dream, him grabbing your face with both hands, looking at every detail of your face like he'll never see it again and then, a kiss gets planted on your forehead, then your nose, and finally a gentle quick kiss on the lips, and before you know it he's heading up the elevator with you waving goodbye,

once out of sight you turn around to see Tubbo and Tommy, the boys you considered as your brothers, quickly you walked over to them, grabbing them both by the shoulders into a group hug, then pulling back to rest a hand on each face, scanning for injuries,

"are you okay?" before they could answer you ask another question "did he hurt you?" you let your lungs exhale as they both shake their heads no "i swear to god, i would have killed him myself if he laid a finger on my boys" they looked at each other before both joining in for a tighter group hug, Tommy was the first to speak up "i love you sis" Tubbo speaking up right after, choked up from being scared deep down, "i love you too sis, thank you" their grips tightening, you tightened yours in return, "god i love you both, i won't let anything happen to you"

___

"he's what?!" you screamed, not at the messenger but just at the world,

"he's- he's dead" Ranboo's voice waivers, causing you to quickly pull him into a hug, he hugged you back fairly fast, gripping onto your oversized green hoodie, Dream's hoodie.

After a moment you calmly ask "do you know how he died?" Ranboo's grip loosening slightly having calmed down a bit, he quietly speaks up "Dream, uh- Dream beat him to death when Tommy went to visit" you blacked out,

you don't remember when you fell to the floor on your knees and screamed bloody murder but when you came back to reality a few seconds later, mid scream, you shook violently, 'no' being the only thing you could get out of your mouth, and so you repeated it over and over again,

you tried wiping away your tears with the sleeves of your hoodie but quickly stopped when you saw the iconic green color, and in a flash you ripped it off your body, leaving you in a black tank top, the grip you had on the hoodie in your hands was scary, your knuckles turned white and then suddenly, a soft thud sounded as you threw it at the wall,

directly at the picture frame on the wall, a picture of you, Dream, and the bench trio smiling doing a funny pose,

Ghostbur took the picture with help from Phil.

the shattering of glass from the frame falling was loud, it caused Ranboo to jump, which you quickly noticed, causing you to sober up from your anguish as best you could, quickly you were apologizing, repeating yourself a few times, you got up from your spot on the floor, looking up at Ranboo while smiling

"would you like some tea? i think we just have mint though" the boy accepting your offer with a soft smile and a nod.

___

you were walking back from Niki's underground city when you saw a familiar head of hair,

not sure if you were seeing things or not you yelled out as soft as you could "Tommy is that you?"

the boys head shot up and when you saw him, you didn't question why or how he was back you just sped up your pace, and quickly walked to him, and when standing in front of him you softly spoke, almost a whisper,

"can i hug you?" his answer being him grabbing onto you, so tight that it immediately worried you,

"shhh, it's okay, I'm here, you're here, i won't let anyone hurt you while you're with me" his arms tightening, a sob erupting from his chest "sis, i- i died, he brought me back after he beat me to death, and everyone just looks at me like I'm nothing more than science" another sob "I'm just science to them" you hug him tighter petting his head and you just whispered

"you're not science to me, i don't care how or why you are back, i just care you are, and I'll be here when you need to talk about it" another sob escaped him, "thank you sis, thank you, thank you, thank you"

___

you held a basket in your hand as you walked to Phil and Techno's cabins, you and Niki baked cookies, you wanted to bring them as a gift, when walking up the porch you saw Techno's lights were off but Phil's were on, so you pulled out your key and opened the door "hey dad, i brought cook-" you screamed,

setting down the cookies quickly you turned around and charged, your eyes set on a specific man "i'm going to kill you, you- you bastard!" you gripped his ripped green hoodie "you killed my brother, and i never got pay back, you asshole" you pulled your arm back and then, CRACK

Phil and Techno looking shocked at just how loud that was "hey, he was-" you let go of Dream's hoodie and turned your body around pointing your finger at both Techno and Phil "which one of you fucks did it? which one of you broke him out?" they looked at each other and then back at you, Phil spoke up first "it was Techno's idea i just helped" you scoffed "and to think i brought you fucking cookies, that i called you dad, that i trusted you," you scoffed and tightened your fists, turning your knuckles white, "what're you going to do now? kill me too?"

sure it was a low blow but you were betrayed, you were mad you were ju- "I'm sorry okay? i- learned my lesson with how much Quackity tortured me after i killed Tommy" your fists loosened completely, fingers limp, your head dropped to the floor and you spoke, so quiet they almost couldn't hear "Quackity did, what to you?" Dream matching your tone "he tortured me, he found out i had the revival book because i brought Tommy back and he tortured me to get it" you turned and looked at him, your face dropping at the sight of his bloody nose but quickly you brought yourself back "did you give it to him?" 1, 2, 3, seconds go by "no, because if i did he would've killed me" and without you thinking you genuinely said from your heart "and we wouldn't want that" you coughed when you realized what you said "i mean, like, we don't need another casualty"

Dream softly smiled at you "and that's why i fell in love with you, because even when you hate someone with all your heart you still don't want to kill them" he didn't miss the way your eyes watered and you looked at him with sadness, you went to speak, but a quiet sob left your mouth, so you then tried to speak again "who said i hated you?" looking at you with pure confusion he scanned over your face several times, but you sighed and turned around motioning your arm for him to follow "they're peanut butter, your favorite, when you're done eating we need to head out, their first thought will be to search here, so that means we have to go to our house," he looked at you with surprise and confusion "you know, the house we started building to move away from everyone, to- uh- as you used to say 'start a family', i finished building it while you were locked up" he looked at you and just said 'ok'

___

You, Phil, Techno and Dream had been walking for almost a whole day when you saw the the familiar dark oak building, "we're here" you turned your head while still walking, meeting Dream's gaze, you smiled at him, because even though he is the stupidest man alive, you had to be honest with yourself, you missed him.

part 2

[moonlight-breeze-44]

An Update.

Hi, friends. <3 It's been a very long time since I've 'actually' posted on here instead of just reblogging stuff, but I felt like I should say this and let those of you who may be interested in my blog know how things may change for a little while. TL;DR: I'm taking a break from fandom, specifically Shadowhunters, for a while.

Recently, I went through something that made me feel lost, alone, and abandoned in a lot of ways. To say the very least, it's been difficult. Now, usually when I can't deal with myself or process what/how I'm feeling, I turn to writing. I sit down on my bed and I just type and type until I know where I'm going again. But this thing that changed my life recently had to do with fandom, in a roundabout way, and unfortunately because I write so much fanfiction and not quite as much original stuff, it impacted my ability to "get it out" through writing. I haven't been able to write something complete for any fandom in months. The best I've been able to do is 3k of a Leverage fic about Damien Moreau.

In light of that, I'm closing prompts on my blog until I can get back on my feet, so to speak. It kills me to have to do this, but I think it might be what I need. So: I'm taking a break from fandom for a while.

To be even more specific, I'm taking a break from the Shadowhunters fandom for a while. As much as I want to, I can't write for Shadowhunters right now. I can't even read fanfiction for it or watch the show. I hate to do this, but I think it's a necessary step for me. I may tentatively interact with other fandoms, like Leverage or Criminal Minds or any of the others listed in my information post, but I ask that you respect my wishes and not tag me in Shadowhunters-related content or send me asks about Shadowhunters right now. I hope to be back someday.

This doesn't mean that I'll stop running my blog, or talking about fandom stuff online when and if I feel like it. I might even post for fandoms that aren't Shadowhunters while I'm on this hiatus, if I can manage it. I will still reblog posts for my blog, maybe including Shadowhunters, but I will be interacting with the fandom from a distance, if at all. The ultimate goal with this break is for me to heal and feel safe & connected enough to return to fandom permanently and go back to the standard I was at before; posting semi-regularly, answering prompts, and participating in challenges. I miss that, and I want it back. I think this will help me find my place again.

I'm very thankful to everyone that I've met through this community and for all of the amazing prompts I've been sent. Thank you for giving me a space that I felt like I belonged in for a long time. With any luck, this space will feel like that again soon.

~ ~ ~

My asks are still open to anyone that has questions or wants to discuss something! You can send fandom-related asks if they aren't Shadowhunters, just know that I may not answer them, depending upon my comfort level. I hope you understand <3

Thank you for reading and supporting me. I appreciate everyone who follows me and I hope to be back very soon. <3 ~ Em

[hufflautia]

The Small but Quaint Room in the West Wing

Requested by @dreamerinthesun✨(2/2)

A/N: I titled this one because this is a full-sized fic and I really really like it. Even though I said I'd write a drabble or a ficlet for each request and keep it short and sweet. And then I go and write a whole ass fic. I knew this was gonna happen, it always does. ENJOY!

026: "People are jerks, but not you."

Slytherin ran into a room on the West Wing and shut the door behind her. She listened as footsteps stomped through the hall, holding her breath when someone stopped in front of the door.

"When we find Lestrange, I wanna be the one to hex her," the person said. Slytherin scowled when she realized who it was. Ehione, she thought bitterly. You couldn't hex me if you tried.

"And who exactly are you going to hex, Ms. Ephyx?" an ancient but firm voice said.

Slytherin immediately recognized the voice and winced. She was glad she was behind this door and not out in the hall.

"Professor McGonagall," Ehione stuttered. "You must've misheard, I said vex, not hex!"

Slytherin held back a snicker - she could envision McGonagall's reaction right now: an eyebrow raised, lips pressed together tightly.

McGonagall clearly didn't fall for her bullshit because the next thing she said was, "10 points from Gryffindor. Now come with me, Ms. Ephyx. And the rest of you, get back to your classes before I give you detention too."

"Too?" Ehione fumed. "Why am I getting detention? Slytherin should be the one getting detention, she cast the Leek jinx spell on me!"

Only because you were talking shit about my family! Slytherin thought angrily.

"Yes, Ms. Ephyx, I can clearly see that," McGonagall sighed. "Now please come with me, we need to get you to the Hospital Wing. If you aren't given the counteract potion soon, you could have leeks stuck in your ears permanently."

Slytherin bit her tongue to stop herself from bursting out in laughter and giving up her hidden spot. What a sight, she thought, imagining Ehione walking around with leeks in her ears for the rest of the school year.

Slytherin let out a small breath of relief when the footsteps began to fade away. She walked up the steps and towards the spot next to the window, the place she always sat when she came to this room.

^Visual of what the room looks like. ALSO DOES ANYONE RECOGNIZE THIS PIC ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

She gazed upon the Whomping Willow in the distance, deep in thought. It wasn't that she liked getting in trouble. The jinx just happened to spill from her lips when she overheard Ehione talking badly about her family. That prick deserved it anyway.

Slytherin stiffened when she heard the creak of the door and whipped out her wand, lowering it when she caught sight of the intruder. Well, maybe not intruder, per se. Hufflepuff sometimes came to this room too. While Slytherin used this place as a quiet room to think, Hufflepuff used it as a space to hang freely with his creatures. They found this room on their own but had never been there at the same time until one day when Slytherin found him sitting on her spot the day that they first encountered each other. She was a bit irked - after all, it felt like her sacred spot, and to have someone sit on it was...well, annoying. But soon after he chose a seat somewhere else, she warmed up to him; he had a quiet nature and sometimes would show her the creatures he was caring for, and that always put a smile on her face. Though Slytherin would never admit it, there were days in which she walked towards the small but quaint room in the West Wing with a spring to her step, looking forward to sitting next to the window with him and escaping their worries.

But today was not one of those days.

A crooked smile hung on Hufflepuff's lips when they met eyes. Slytherin wasn't in the mood to smile back, so she looked away.

"Hello," Hufflepuff said, taking a seat on the floor across from her.

"Hi."

Slytherin could feel his eyes on her and met his curious gaze with a glare. "What?"

Hufflepuff shook his head and looked away.

"Nothing."

She narrowed her eyes but decided not to press him further. She didn't wanna drive her one friend away. Could she even call him that? She certainly hoped he considered her his friend. She's snapped at him on more than one occasion, but it was never because of him. It's just that she usually came to this room when she was in a bad mood and she needed a place to think. But time and time again, he never snapped back. He just took it. And not in a "use me as your punching buddy" kind of way. It was like he understood.

"People are jerks," she said quietly. "But not you." Never you. "Why is that?"

He scrunched up his nose. "Are you asking me why I'm not a jerk?"

Slytherin would've cracked a smile if she weren't feeling like complete shit. "I'm rude to you, but you never talk back. You don't get angry with me when I'm testing your temper. Why? Someone with common sense wouldn't want to hang out with someone who's mean to them."

Hufflepuff stared at a spot on the wall in thought as Slytherin awaited his response nervously. Why did I say that? I basically told him, "Hey, it would be in your best interest not to be friends with me anymore"—

"I don't think you're mean." Hufflepuff meets her surprised gaze. "I know that you come here because this is a place for you to vent and calm down. Sometimes you take your anger out on me, but I know it's because of whatever you have going on, so I try not to take it personal. You're just angry. But not always. When you're in a good mood, you're funny and witty. And you're also my friend. So why wouldn't I want to hang out with you?"

Slytherin swallowed with difficulty. That was a lot to take in. Not only did he just admit that, yes, he considered her his friend, but he also knew her. He understood.

Hufflepuff seemed to sense that she was at a loss for words, so he pulled something from his pocket and presented it to her. Slytherin smiled and gingerly took the Niffler from him, her fingers brushing against the palm of his hand.

"How's the little guy doing?" she cooed, running her finger over the Niffler's fur as he scurried across her robe, searching for anything shiny. "Caused any mischief lately?"

"Unfortunately so," Hufflepuff sighed dramatically, his bright eyes betraying his mock annoyance. "He stole Slughorn's watch the other way. This little minx would've gotten me into detention if I hadn't stopped him and returned it without Slughorn noticing."

Slytherin hummed, watching as the Niffler tried to pull her house crest off her robe. She pulled him off and looked puzzled when she felt something in his pouch. "What's this?"

Hufflepuff frowned and took the Niffler back, eyeing the creature when he felt it too.

"What'd you take," he said lowly, to which the Niffler looked at him with a smile and a gleam in his eye. He arched an eyebrow and turned him upside down, shaking out the contents of his pouch.

Slytherin's eyes widened as Galleons and other golden items poured onto the floor. Watches, necklaces, and earrings scattered on the ground. Hufflepuff looked aghast while Slytherin doubled-over laughing.

"Where in the blazes did you get that?!" Hufflepuff demanded. "Now we have to find out what belongs to who and return it to them!"

Slytherin wiped at her watery eyes and said between laughs, "Don't worry, I'll help you."

Hufflepuff glanced at her and felt a laugh of his own bubbling in his chest. When a situation as ridiculous as this came along once in a lifetime, one couldn't help but laugh. And that's exactly what they did. They laughed their worries away in this small but quaint room on the West Wing.

Fin.

~

DID SOMEONE SAY LETA LESTRANGE AND NEWT SCAMANDER😩😩 Also did the bit about the "this is MY special spot" remind anyone of the tree spot in the slytherpuff series??

This is by far my favorite request - I didn't expect this to be so wholesome and cute. Hope you enjoyeddddddd<4!

~

In honor of this blog’s one-year anniversary, I am taking requests! Pick from these prompts:

Fluff | Fluff, Angst, or Smut | Fluff or Angst | Smut | More Smut | Angst