#but i’m being positive and i know i’ll be happy in the end regardless of maybe a rushed episode

[sleepygh0ulia]

˖ ˚⋆🎀I got into the void state twice!!

The first time

The very first time i got into the void state was last night. I listened to a subliminal (i’ll link it at the end) and counted down from 12 and visualized each number in my head, and then i counted down from 13 normally (I forgot what it’s called but ya) and that calmed me down a lot.

From there I did robotic affirmations 10 each and then switching to a different one. After about 15 ish minutes I got into the void state, and I was so happy that I js kinda chilled there for another 15 minutes before I came out of it to watch a class of 09 play through🫶

The second time

The second time was literally like an hour ago at the time of me posting this. I did the exact same thing I did last night but it took me a little longer because of the position I was in and I was a lot more awake. (limits I unintentionally put on myself from 2020 shiftok, i’m trying to get rid of💔)

I was about half way in the void state and half still in my physical body, and then my mom called me to tell me she and my dad would be at my grandmas soon to get us, and to tell my brother.

Let me tell you, getting thrown out of the void state suddenly, and then being expected to walk around and form sentences is NOT for the weak. I literally almost collapsed trying to walk 2 doors down to my cousins room to get my brother. But it was fun regardless, and now I 100% know for sure that it’s possible. I always thought it was possible but without ever doing it a person has some doubts yk?

Happy shifting and manifesting loves!!

[pretty-circa006]

Big Bad Wolf

Sugar Daddy! Coach! Negan x F! Camgirl! Reader

summary Negan takes interest in a pretty camgirl who he doesn't know is also his student tags online sex work, sex toys, female and male masturbation, age gap (reader is 20 and Negan is 50s-ish probably), dirty talk,

wc 3.1k

note this is part one of a three part mini series

*you are responsible for your own content consumption. if this is something you DO NOT like, simply DO NOT read or interact! :) *

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆ 

She adjusts her ring light before angling her laptop just right so the webcam captures her body but not her face. Once she’s happy with everything, she starts the livestream. Comments quickly fill her screen, the first of them being her regulars. 

@ b3nd0ver long time no see! i’ve been missing my favourite girl 

@ milflover69 pop a titty 

@ freak4feet do u do foot stuff???

@ milkmann_u look so sexy I can’t breath 

“Welcome back you guys, I’ve been missin’ ya,” she tells her viewers in a sultry voice that bears little resemblance to her own. The thin strap of her tank top slides off her shoulder as she adjusts her position to something more comfortable. 

“I got something new just for y’all!” She excitedly pulls her shoebox full of sex toys into view before opening it. 

@ MikeHunt wtf is in taht box

@ pussypounder take off ur cloths bbg

“Hey, you gotta be patient or else I’m ending this early.” It’s an empty threat, but it always seems to work regardless. She slowly, teasingly removes the lid from the box and tosses it aside. Holding the box up to the webcam, she shows her viewers the collection of different sized dildos, vibrations, butt plugs, and other toys. 

“Which should I use first?” 

@ 1-800-dickudown me! use me. its ab time u put a real dick in that pussy 

“Well why don’t ya come on over here, one eight hundred dick you down, and dick me down?” She teases in reply to that comment. 

1-800-dickudown sent $50.00

“Think I’ll use…” she trails off as she digs through the box, “this one! I bought it with the help of all your donations,” she explains as she shows them the thick, six inch glass dildo. 

“Ribbed for pleasure!” She says, running her finger along the toy to show off the artificial veins. 

@ freak4feet stroke it with ur feet! 

@ oversexxxed ur so pretty show me ur pussy pls

She spreads her thighs giving a full view of her soaked panties. With one hand, she slides her panties aside, exposing her freshly shaven cunt to the webcam. She rubs her clit a few times and lets out some overdramatic moans before grabbing the dildo with her free hand. She slides the toy up and down her slick folds before teasing her entrance with it. 

@ bigdickDILF I could please you better than that piece of crap can. 

bigdickDILF sent $117.23 

She lets out a girlish giggle. “I’d love to test that, big dick DILF. But this’ll have to do for now.” She shoves the tip in as she continues rubbing her clit, making sure to let out some moans and breathy whimpers along the way.

@ milkmann_you never fail to make my dick hard. 

The increase of her pace emits wet erotic sounds. She fights to keep her thighs from squeezing closed as she continues to pleasure herself. The toy hits her g-spot which turns her dramatized moans into real ones. 

“O-Oh, I’m about to cum!” She moans, fucking herself harder with the toy. 

@ sleazyb0iii me too

@ milflover69 POP. A. TITTY >:( 

The fingers of her free hand tangle into the fuzzy rug beneath her as her back arches and toes curl. She screams out as her juices squirt from around the dildo. 

Dogwater sent you $3.00 

b00bman sent you $20.00 

SitOnMyFace sent you $85.00 

“T-thanks for the tips,” she says shakily as she’s coming down from her high. 

@ mustache_MAN lick it clean 

“Yes, sir!” She pulls the toy from her cunt and its covered in her juices. She tilts her screen back so her glossy lips are in view before bringing the dildo up to her mouth. She licks it up and down before putting the tip between her lips. 

“Mmmm, bet you guys wish you could get a taste.” She takes the toy as deep down her throat as she can before gagging, sending tears cascading down her face. She bobs her head up and down the glass dildo as if she were giving a blowjob. She pulls her mouth from the toy before setting it aside. 

mustache_MAN sent $2.47

“Thanks for the tip, mustache man! I know this was a short stream, but that’s all I have for tonight,” she informs her users. Before she she can move her cursor to the ‘end stream’ button, another notification catches her eye. 

BigBadWolf  sent $1,000.00

Her eyes go wide at the amount. She’s never made that much on a single stream before and that catches her off guard. 

“Oh..Oh my gosh, thank you so much big bad wolf,” she says, still in shock. 

@ BigBadWolf Do you take requests? I’d love to see you use your fingers. 

She can’t be sure if she’s turned on by his politeness or the large amount of money, but her cunt clenches around nothing as she swallows dryly. 

“Anything for you,” she purrs, playing it up on the sexiness in hopes for another big tip. She moves from her sitting position to a kneeling position before sliding her panties down her legs. She sits back down and kicks them off before spreading her legs so her viewers get the perfect view of her soaking cunt. She rubs her stiffened clit in tight circles which sent tingles of pleasure down her spine. Her hand drifts down to her entrance before she slips in two fingers. Her free hand pulls down the front of her tank top, freeing her breasts before she squeezes it. 

@ milflover69 finally! 

milflover69 sent $1.00

@ BigBadWolf One more baby, I know you can do it ;)

“Yes, sir,” she moans before sliding in a third finger. She slightly winces at the stretch, but it feels good. Her thumb and index finger pinch and tweaked her nipple as she fucks herself with her fingers. Involuntarily, she ruts up against her own hand, chasing another orgasm. 

“‘M gonna cum again,” she whines as her legs begin to shake. She gropes at her breast as her second orgasm overtakes her. She rests her head against the floor as she catches her breath. With two fingers, she spreads open her lower lips, showcasing her overstimulated cunt. 

“Look at what you guys do to me!” She teases her loyal fans. 

@ BigBadWolf Beautiful

She sits upright and drags her cursor over the ‘end stream’ button. “Okay, I’m ending this for real this time. Love y’all, bye!” She ends the stream and shuts her laptop before fixing her top and putting her panties back on. Apprehensively, she opens her laptop and scrolls to look at her total amount of tips–$2,276.23. That’s almost enough for her to pay for another month of rent in her shitty apartment. A message in her inbox catches her eye and she curiously opens it. It’s from @ BigBadWolf, the seemingly loaded guy from her stream. 

@ BigBadWolf You’re so fucking beautiful. Do you take requests? I’ll happily pay, just name your amount. 

She stares at the message in awe. Typically, the kind of people that message her are weirdos who tell her about their sick fantasies in full detail, so this is a nice change. 

@ virginesque ya, if u subscribe to my profile u can see i post requests all the time

@ BigBadWolf I want these all to myself not something for all your goddamn subscribers to see

@ virginesque oh! i dont usually do that…

@ BigBadWolf Not trying to pressure you or anything, but I’ll pay whatever amount you want

@ virginesque ya? like a million dollars lol

@ BigBadWolf Within reason haha

@ virginesque fuck it why not. whats ur request ???

@ BigBadWolf I’d love to see you in the shower 

After a moment of thinking, she deems his request to be reasonable. Even though she had already showered for the night, she doesn't mind doing it again for a couple of extra bucks. She brings her phone with her into the shower after she had undressed. For the longest time, she just stands there beneath the stream of warm water contemplating if this is something she really wants to do. She needs the money and he’s willing to give it and it’s not like this is too much more than what she already does. After opening the camera, she holds her phone up so her body from the shoulders down is in view. She hits record and with her free hand she lathers her body in soap. Her hands caress over as much of her body she can reach before coming back up to her breasts, lathering soap and squeezing them a few times before ending the video. 

@ virginesque sent a video

She lays in bed, staring at her phone anxiously awaiting the stranger’s reply. Half an hour passes and inbox is still the same–empty. She shuts off her phone and tosses it aside, cursing herself for being so stupid. Of course it seemed too good it be true and she felt like a fool for believing otherwise.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆ 

 When she awoke the next morning, she was still pissed and remained that way for most of the day. 

“Girl, are you okay?” Her friend asks her during stretches. 

“Just a little irritated, y’know, workloads and stuff,” she lies. She makes it a priority to keep her double life as a camgirl a secret. 

“Ugh, tell me about it. If I have to write another fucking paper-“ 

“Enough chit-chat, ladies, keep stretching,” the track and field coach, Coach Negan, orders. 

She can’t help the huff and eye roll that escapes her, but she begrudgingly gets back to her stretches anyway. 

“What crawled up your ass and died?” Coach Negan asks her with a shit eating grin spreading across his face.

“Nothing!” She snaps. Both her friend and Coach Negan give her a strange look. 

“Whatever it is, don’t let it fuck with your performance out there,” he encourages before walking off. 

“I can’t stand him,” she mutters under her breath. 

“Really? I think he’s great,” her friend disagrees. 

“Nuh uh, you just think he’s hot!” She teases before they burst into a fit of giggles. 

“Okay, that’s five extra laps for you two!” An irritated Coach Negan shouts. 

After practice and the extra laps she heads directly to her apartment off campus. With her getting scammed on top of her coach being a hardass, she’s so stressed that she’s ready to just roll over and go to bed. But no, she has a presentation to put together. She flings open her computer and sees that the tab with her camgirl account is still open and there’s a new message in her inbox. 

@ BigBadWolf Sorry for the late reply, had shit to do. 

@ BigBadWolf  You are so fucking sexy babygirl 

@ BigBadWolf sent $500.00

Her eyes widen and mood brightens when she sees he actually replied and the amount he sent. 

@ virginesque oh wow, thank u 

@ BigBadWolf How was your day?

She glares suspiciously at her screen. The first impression she got of him was that he’s some old rich guy who has a porn addiction and a lot of money to fuel it, so him asking about her day comes as a surprise. 

@ virginesque uh good? how was urs?

@ BigBadWolf Better once I watched your video ;) 

She’s sure he’s just using flattery to get more out of her, but still can’t help that her cheeks warmed at his comment. 

@ virginesque glad i could help 

@ BigBadWolf I know this is forward, but do you do video calls?

The question takes her aback. Video calls aren’t something she’s done before, but with the money he’s sent her thus far, she’d be willing to try. 

@ virginesque i’ve never done them before but for u i would

@ BigBadWolf Well aren’t you just sweet as shit

@ virginesque when do u wanna call?

@ BigBadWolf Is now okay?

@ virginesque sure

BigBadWolf is calling….

Her heart races in her chest as she debates actually answering or not. She angles down her laptop screen down so he can’t see her face and answers the call. 

“Hello?” she asks the black screen. 

“Hey, baby,” a deep, raspy voice replies. It’s oddly familiar, but not in a way she can pinpoint. 

“Um, thanks for all the money.” 

“Anything for my favorite girl.” 

She tries to bite back the smile she can feel forming on her face, but his voice is so sexy and words are so flattering. 

“Favorite girl?” 

“Uh huh, no one else makes me feel the way you do.”

“So, uh…what’s your name? Or do I have to keep calling you ‘big bad wolf?’”

He lets out a laugh before replying. "You don't have to call me that, you can just call me sir." 

"Okay, sir, can I see you?" 

He pauses for a moment as if he were in thought and when he turns on his camera, he's in a similar position to hers–sitting down with his face out of view. He has on a white t-shirt and his arms are decorated with tattoos. From what she can see, he seems to be in good shape and could potentially be an attractive man. 

“Will I ever get to see that pretty face of yours?” 

The laugh she lets out is sarcastic. “What makes you so sure my face is pretty?”

“Trust me, I can just tell.” 

“Pfff, okay. Did you just want to video call to flirt with me?”

“I just wanted to see you again, but with my eyes only. None of those other assholes watching you from their screens.” 

“Yeah? What do you want me to do?” 

“Take off your clothes.” 

The impudence of his request catches her off guard. Getting naked on camera and adhering to the wishes of random people on the internet are all things she’s used to, but doing it over a video call made her feel shy. It’s more personable. Instead of just reading comments, she’s hearing him tell her what to do and gets to hear his reaction. With shaky hands, she pulls her shirt over her head and tosses it aside. Reaching behind her back, she nervously unclasps her bra and lets it fall down her shoulders, exposing her breasts to him. 

“Beautiful, baby,” he compliments, sending warmth flooding throughout her body. She gets comments like this all the time, but hearing it from this man has a different affect on her. Like his words and validation actually mean something to her. She stands from her desk chair and unbuttons her jeans before turning around and bending over as she pulls them down. Her panties go next and she sways her hips seductively as she pulls them down too. She steps out of the garments before returning back to her chair. 

“I could just stare at you all day. You are a goddamn piece of artwork.”  

“Stop! You flatter me too much,” she giggles, hiding her face in her hands even though he can’t even see it. 

“Really, I can’t get enough of you. Lemme see that pretty pussy.” She adjusts herself in the chair and lifts her legs, spreading open her thighs and holding them up by the backs of her knees. 

“I wanna see it from the back.” 

“Yes, sir.” She turns around in her chair and holds on to the back of it for support it. She arches her back to give him a better view. 

“That’s it, baby. Touch yourself.” She slides her hand between her legs and rubs her clit. Arousal builds up within her as she pleasures herself. 

“I wish it was you touching me right now,” she whines. 

“Me too, baby, me too. I wanna feel you come undone around my fingers and then taste you all over.” 

“I just know you’d stuff me so good. My cunt and my throat.” 

“Oh honey, you have no idea how fuckin’ good I’d make you feel.” 

She slides two fingers into her now soaking hole. It’s difficult for her to hit her g-spot in this position, but hearing him talk dirty is enough to get her off. She silently whimpers as her orgasm quickly approaches and the man continues to praise her. 

“Attagirl. Lemme see you cum,” he says right when her orgasm hits. Her free hand grips the back of her chair as her thighs shake. She sits back down properly and awaits the man’s next words. 

“Look at what you do to me.” He tilts his camera down so she can see his lap, particularly the tent he’s pitching in his pants. 

“I wish I could help you with that…especially since I caused it,” she teases with feigned innocence. 

“Can I uh…can I watch you take care of it?” 

“Of course, babygirl.” He undoes his belt before pulling down his pants just enough to free his cock from his boxers, and once he did, it slapped against his abdomen. Her eyes widen at the size of him. He’s thick and long and slightly curved and veins run along his shaft. He’s circumcised and keeps it neat down there, too. Out of all the dicks she’s seen from unsolicited dick pics, this man’s is the best, prettiest one she’s ever seen. If he could see her, he’d see that her jaw is dropped with awe. 

“Just met me and you’re already droolin’ over my dick?” 

“So what if I am?” she retorts. 

He just laughs his handsome laugh before spitting into his hand. His large, veiny hand wraps around his shaft before he starts stroking it slowly. 

“Bet you wanna suck it, don’t you?” 

“I’m sure you’d like that,” she laughs. 

“You know me so well.” 

As she watches him stroke his dick, all she can think of is how it would feel inside of her. Heat floods her core and she’s sure he’d be able to put out that fire within her. He occasionally lets out a few grunts and moans as he brings himself closer to his peak. 

“Fuck, baby, I know your pretty little mouth would feel so good around my dick.” 

“Mmmhmm, I’d even let you cum down my throat.” 

“You are such a naughty girl.”  She giggles at the string of profanities that flow from his mouth as he cums all over his hand. 

“If I were there, I’d clean you off with my tongue,” she fantasizes. 

“You are just trying to get me hard all over again, aren't you?” 

“Maybe…” 

“I gotta go get ready for work tomorrow, but let’s do this again sometime, yeah?” 

“You really can’t get enough of me,” she jokes before ending the call. 

@ BigBadWolf sent $2,500.00 

She stares at her screen in disbelief. No way did she just do that, but what shocks her even more was how much she genuinely enjoyed it, how much it turned her on. They seemed to have a genuine connection, too. The way they flirted back and forth effortlessly without any awkward moments in between made her look forward to interacting with him again. 

next part ➤

[barelylivingscholar]

Arlecchino with a daughter tw: unhealthy family relationships, manipulation, and gore(?), suicidal thoughts, unstable/mentally ill daughter. Not for the faint of heart, heavy angst, a somewhat positive ending in the last part(?) (Do not read if uncomfortable)

An: I am backkkkk, second semester and last semester’s finals kept me busyyyyyy but I’m here again to post some stufffffff!! Not hsr related but like I also write for Genshin now, apparently… Will post a part two, I guess? “Father. When am I able to hang around with the others? I have done everything that you’ve asked for.” A young girl asked, to which “Father” responds with, “You need to focus on the task in hand. I still have many more missions for you to do before I set you free.” The girl sighed, knowing very well that she may as well never be able to be allowed to play with the other kids… For a moment, the girl had wished that she wasn’t the only one to deal with this kind of burden. The burden being, the “successor” of “Father.” She wanted to play with the other kids as well, but alas, her father does not permit her to do so. Instead, excuses are made, and the standard Fatui discipline is instilled in her mind, always have to act proper and professional, not allowed to shed a tear, or to feel strong feelings regardless of what the matters are. I hate it here. I do not wish to stay here any longer. Every day feels like I am only made to be the person that “Father” wishes me to be. I am never truly happy. I am sinking. Father was not  family. This whole thing is and always was, a lie. Do I ever get to be free? Perhaps I can set myself free. There is a way.  ̶T̶̶h̶̶e̶ ̶q̶̶u̶̶e̶̶s̶̶t̶̶i̶̶o̶̶n̶ ̶i̶̶s̶, ̶a̶̶m̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶̶i̶̶l̶̶l̶̶i̶̶n̶̶g̶ ̶t̶̶o̶ ̶d̶̶o̶ ̶i̶̶t̶? --- After burning the corpse of their enemies, I return to the House of the Hearth, albeit bloody and face that is smudged of dirt, the smell of blood and gasoline lingers around me. With every passing servant, caretakers, and also children as well, unsettled and left shaken up at the sight of me. I stained the carpets red. I wonder if “Father” would notice as the carpet is in the same shade of the blood of her enemies…? Will she punish me and discipline me? Although words are exchanged, no form of physical harm done, I am still left isolated.  Like I am to be a monster kept away from people… I feel caged.

This time, I didn’t bother to clean up and went straight ahead to father’s office. Where I know I’ll be punished for such a careless mistake. “Father, I have returned.” I greet, looking to see her eyes staring straight at me. For once I don’t cower. I simply walk up to her and wait for her response. I have no reason to be scared, right? I don’t think I care anymore. Father’s eyes narrowed. The sight of blood that wasn’t mine, the smell of gasoline, in her eyes, I may as well be the filthiest child in the house. One that is simply, uncouth for the position of “successor.” “Why have you not followed protocol? Especially contingency 8? Have I not taught you well?” Her voice sharp, dissatisfied with my performance. It must be a surprise for her that her “successor” had become disobedient. What is she going to do to me, I wonder? Dispose of me? Or would she find someone else who is to succeed her as the “Father” of the House of the Hearth. “I… I have no other excuses.” I was unable to control my voice. It was shaky, wavering. I hate it. Father’s eyes seemed to had harden. I am interested with what is going to be the left of me once this is all over. I look forward to it. I want her to snap at me. Kill me. Foul words for a child like me, but this is what I planned. Maybe it is best that I sleep in eternal slumber instead rather than live a life full of misery. I have nothing to be grateful here. I am not thankful that I am still alive today. “…You are hereby stripped of the title “successor.” You are no longer worthy of the title. I am disappointed.” Is that it? No severe punishments? My mind raced; I was unable to comprehend why had she punished me in a way that is so… Little? Had she gone soft? I do not remember anything that made her want to punish me lightly. Don’t I deserve… More? My brows had furrowed. “Father” did not miss that. “Daughter… Are you, upset?” Her voice sounded confusing, to me. Why do you suddenly care? I don’t understand you at all. I do not feel safe at all. Are you really “family?” “…I’m fine.” I say, my voice a little tight. Unshed tears on my face, I am no fool. I do not need your love.

“You are now excused.” Never had I ever left her office so quickly after that. I had to get away…! I need to get out of here… I breathed heavily as I ran and ran… Until there is nowhere to go. The heavy snow had engulfed me. And soon… I was unconscious. I awoke to an unfamiliar place. This is not the House of the Hearth. I quickly got up, ignoring the sudden rush of blood shooting up due to how fast I went up. I ignore the throbbing pain on my forehead, I focused on my surroundings instead. Where am I? This place is… Different. I jolted as I felt a hand on my shoulder, immediately backing off and grabbing a hidden dagger in my boot. “Stay there! I will stab you!” I hissed. Glaring at the mysterious figure. They looked… Kind. I am not supposed to feel that way. There are no kind people in this world. Everyone I know will always lie to me, manipulate me for their gain. Just like “Father.” Just like them…

The stranger had knelt down and attempted to soothe me. I only responded with aggression and threats. They weren’t phased at all. “Who are you? I am no ordinary orphan! I am a murderer!” I shouted, clearly agitated. The man in a familiar coat had not reacted violently at all. I am confused. And angry. “I am Pantalone. “Regrator” from the Fatui. I assume you are one of the Knave’s lost children…” My eyes widened at the statement. He is no ordinary man… I should’ve known, I gritted my teeth and gripped my dagger tight. “I am not her orphan! I am no longer a part of that… I could care less if you are a part of the Fatui, I will die gladly in vain if I have to fight for my freedom!” I hissed. The man is amused. I can tell by the look in his eyes. “I have a better proposal for you, child.” “Regrator” inquired. I had not chosen to back down even at the prospect of an offer. “What makes you think I will take it?” I replied, gripping the dagger tight. “I will not surrender you to the Knave. Rather, I’ll take you in as my disciple.”

Disciple? Is this man sick in the head? Why would I agree to that? It seems “Regrator” had heard my thoughts, and so, he added, “Although, it is up to you if you would rather be surrendered back to the Knave… Or join me and I’ll give you a much better purpose, in life… Not that you have any choice on the matter if you decline my offer…” I had no sense of purpose to live for. I am merely an empty shell of what I was once. I have nothing to achieve… In the end, I don't have what it takes to truly end my life. So I will follow my new superior. “Fine. But don’t expect me to be easily obedient. I am rather mad.” And it was the start of something anew…  I had become, “Regrator’s disciple.” I wonder how “Knave” will react to such arrangements… An: Part two will include Lyney, Lynette, and Freminet. There will be other characters who will be included as well but, part one's story was set before Lyney became the sucessor of the House of the Hearth. I am thinking of interesting ideas to write for this story and some alternate routes as well... We'll see once I whip up part two.

[love-at-first-sight-23]

Heather Part 3 𓇢

<—Part 1 <—Part 2

A/N: Yes, I may have cried a little bit writing this… don’t know about you guys, of course…

Warnings: Angst, reader is *not doing well*, happy (ish) ending

Plot: Life had been full of misery and loneliness ever since your crush, JJ, fell for another girl. Will you ever recover, or is there any chance you can even love him again?

Loneliness is a word long that has been unbeknownst to you. It has gradually become more familiar with the folds of time. Now, it seems to be your only emotion. The breeze passes by your window, ruffling the tree branches. Passing you by, moving on from where you are tucked inside your bedroom.

Isn’t it strange? How everything always seems to pass you by? Leaving before knowing you’re there?

His face flashes though your mind. Warm-toned skin, eyes the color of the sea, and hair always a little out of place. His voice you can hear so clearly saying your name. Your immediate thought is to push it all away. You decided that so long ago. You cannot afford to have him infiltrating your thoughts at all hours of the day. Or ever. Still, the images stay.

A stab of anger pierces your chest. Why can you not get rid of him? JJ Maybank? He’s hurt you enough already. Don’t you love him, though? A small voice in the back of your head asks. Of course not, you shoot back. Shutting out that voice turns out to be harder than you thought.

You’ve been taking every opportunity to not leave your house. When you do see the Pogues, your interactions and shared words are limited. Which is mainly due to how you refuse to say little more than what would be considered apt for a normally functioning human being.

When you go over to John B’s house to hang in the backyard for the evening, your only words end up being “Hi” to Sarah and “I’m fine, thanks” to John B when asked how things are going. And of course, you steer clear away from JJ and Kiara at all costs. When JJ attempts to catch your attention, you pretend to be very interested in the beer in your hand and the shimmer of the liquid. Soon after you throw it out and exit the party.

This continues for a long time further. JJ trying but failing to talk to you, the weight of your loneliness making it impossible for you to enjoy things, and keeping JJ at the distance of a stranger.

Finally JJ, seemingly fed up with your refusal to acknowledge him, manages to get ahold of you. It takes a lot more effort than he expects. He has to seek you out at the ice cream shop where you work only on the weekends, figure out the hours of your shift, and show up at the door as a customer.

You’re surprised and unhappy to see JJ appear in the line of people. This being your new part-time job, you hadn’t expected your friends to come since you haven’t told them. Plus, your position requires that you serve every single customer that arrives in the shop, regardless of whether they happen to be the person you’re avoiding at all costs.

But luck has failed you today. JJ’s at the front of your queue, ready to talk to you.

“Hey. Mind if we talk for a sec?” He asks. His voice is low, if not friendly.

“Sorry, JJ. I have a group of people to take orders from,” you say to him flatly.

“Then it’s no problem, I’ll order something myself. I’ll have a scoop of the butter pecan, please.”

Downfall to the restrictions of your application, you take up the ice cream scooper and dish out a cone of the butter pecan. “Here you are. Have a nice day.” You say, handing it to him.

He takes it from you but remains where he is. “If you don’t mind, I’ll wait here until your shift is over.” To your dismay, JJ won’t be giving up that easily. His old wit, that you knew so well, is coming in handy for his goal. No doubt he found out your lunchtime beforehand.

You sigh dejectedly, unable to argue. You train your eyes on the bottle of chocolate sauce until he goes to the cashier to pay for his ice cream.

You watch as your watch ticks to 12:30, meaning you’re off on break. In dread you untie your apron and hang it up, and whilst doing so you spot JJ out of the corner of your eye waving you over. You slowly walk to the table where he’s sitting and slide into the chair opposite him.

“What do you want, JJ?” You ask, barely audible enough for him to hear. Once again you don’t look into his eyes. 

“I wanted to talk to you. About what’s been going on.”

A fresh wave of sadness washes over you. A couple months ago you would have been chatting happily to him, laughing together over ice cream. Then you would have gone to yours or his house and shared stories sprawled out across the living room, maybe falling asleep leaning against his arm. 

Look at you now. Barely even friends. “About what?” You ask him quickly after jerking out of your thoughts.

He blurts out. “I’m sorry.” You freeze. Did he just say what you thought he did? He’s sorry? Whatever you were expecting him to say, it wasn’t this.

“W— what?” You exclaim. 

“I said I’m sorry. For everything. It all went by so fast, with Kiara I mean, and I never meant to hurt you, I swear, I should’ve thought about your feelings, and I should’ve realized what I already had right in front of me.” His voice goes quiet. His blue eyes are faltering and filled with sadness, his usual confidence is nowhere to be seen. He just looks, truthfully, lost.

“JJ…. what do you mean?” The sound comes out faintly.

“Sorry, what?”

“What do you mean, ‘what you already had in front of you’?” you repeat.

“I mean… I had you. I know I felt something for you for long time, but I didn’t know what it was until it was too late.” He gazes into your eyes, as if questioning.

You, you can’t comprehend what’s happening. Disbelief takes over your body as you soak in what he said. You have to be dreaming. The world feels blurred and strange, your throat is blocked like you swallowed a weird pill. “But you like Kiara better than me. You always have.”

“I know. And I do love her. But maybe we were just never meant to be together.”

Too much is happening. You can’t do this. Not here. “I’m sorry JJ, but I can’t do this right now. I have to get back to my job.” You croak out. Standing up abruptly, you push yourself away from the table and waltz back to your place behind the counter. You’re surprised you don’t stumble. JJ watches you go, a shadow of grief veiling his face, before standing up and leaving. 

Fumbling to put your apron back on, you greet a visitor with a forced smile. You can’t help but look up as JJ walks outside into the parking lot. He’s moving at a fast pace, his whole body tense. You’ve never seen him upset like this before. You want to call him back, to talk to him once more. He’s gone before you have a chance to  decide. Could you ever forgive him? Truly? Whatever the answer, you can’t give up just yet. You can’t give up on him.

You scoop out ice cream over and over again for the rest of the day, a fog hanging over you and your mind.

You toss and turn in your bedsheets that night, thinking over your conversation with JJ. He said he had feelings for you. All this time, thinking he only had eyes for Kiara, there was something you shared between you after all. Your heart aches painfully. You’re so tired, so confused and desperate for answers after everything that’s happened, that all you want to do is sleep. So you do, sore and feeling less than half pretty.

You wake up in the morning, weary with with bags under your eyes from a fitful night of sleep. You rub the sleep out without much success and go to the bathroom. As you’re brushing your teeth, you wonder what the hell you’re going to do. You feel like a lost puppy, with nowhere to go and no one to turn to.

You can’t be mad at JJ anymore. You don’t have the energy, not after this. Just as you’re about to break down crying, a knock sounds at the door.

You run to the door and open it, to see your best friend standing on your front porch, holding a bouquet of flowers and an handwritten card. Without a second thought, you throw yourself into his arms, tears streaming down your face. Wordlessly he wraps his arms around you and you stay there, grief flowing between you, for a long time.

JJ’s hand reaches up to your head and rubs against your hair. The gesture is comforting. You bury yourself deeper into his chest, letting his smell console you.

Things won’t be the same. They’ll likely never be. But maybe that’s ok. You can allow yourself to hope. Over time, you and JJ could grow back your relationship, and maybe, with time and plenty of talking-it-outs, eventually even love each other. It won’t be easy. It’ll take a lot of healing and figuring out your personal feelings, but it isn’t impossible. Not at all.

Thank you for reading! Let me know if you want more like this! Like, follow, comment, and reblog <3

[daisyblog]

Kiss and Make Up

Our Story Masterlist Summary: Harry and YN have their first argument. Warning: swearing

YN’s POV: The Take Me Home tour was well underway, I felt so lucky to be able to join the boys on the tour being Louise’s assistant. I’d learnt so much already and it had only just begun. Tonight the boys are playing at LG Arena in Birmingham, they had just finished rehearsing ahead of the evening show so were now free to do as they pleased. In the boy's shared dressing room, Niall was sitting on the arm of the large sofa, that Liam was laying across, strumming random tunes on his guitar and Louis and Zayn were yet to appear. Harry’s arm was draped over my shoulder as we sat as one on the opposite sofa to the two boys. I was scrolling through my Instagram and Twitter as the boys chatted about the tour so far, how they were excited to play in their hometown and just overall how happy they are.

“So..Liam are your Mum and Dad comin’ tonight ‘en..because Birmingham is close to them isn’t it?” Niall asked as he continued to strum his guitar. “Uh yeah they are actually..I dunno if my sisters are though” Liam explained from his position on the sofa “Do I need to warn them about your thing for the boy's sisters Harry?” Liam teased.

I felt Harry chuckle next to me, and the next thing said made my chest tight and my stomach twist “Yeah..once I get bored with YN, I’ll charm yours and win them over”. The three boys laughed but Harry’s arm around you suddenly felt heavy on your shoulder. Was that all I was to him, someone to use until he found better? I couldn’t stay in this room any longer, I needed to get out. I could take a joke, heck I loved the jokes and pranks the boys would pull but this wasn’t funny. I got up without saying a word and stomped towards the door “Where you going?” Harry asked, completely oblivious to what his words had done. I ignored him, not wanting to talk right now and continued to walk out the door and down the corridor heading towards the bathroom at the end of it. The tears were going to spill any second, I felt them in the corners of my eyes making my vision blurry.

“Aww there she is..you alright Tiny?” my brother’s voice startled me. The minute Louis saw the tears streaming down my face, he panicked and pulled me into his chest “What’s wrong? What’s ‘appened?”. “H-h-harry..” I sobbed into his chest, I didn’t get the chance to finish explaining what had happened because Louis left me to go and headed towards the dressing room. I was going to tell him not to but there was no point, once Louis had something in his head he was going to do it regardless. I just carried on heading towards the bathroom to avoid what was about to happen.

Harry’s POV:

YN had just walked out of the dressing room door without answering me when I asked where she was going. “What’s wrong with her?” Liam asked no one in particular. “You know what girls can be like…fine one minute and in a mood the next..hormones or some shit” Niall spoke “Are you gonna go after her?”

“No, she’ll be fine..probably gone to phone her Mum or something” I said “I know she’s been missing her a lot since the tour started” The door flies open and almost hits the wall behind it, and Louis appears. “What the fook ‘ave you done to my sister?” Louis raised his voice at me. At this, the two boys looked at me and matched the same confused look that I had. “Mate..nothi-“ Liam began. “I’m not askin’ you Payno..I’m talkin’ to Harry” “Lou..I-I..I don’t know what you're talking about..she just walked out without saying anything” “Well why the hell was she just sobbing in my arms and all I got out of her was your name?” Louis spoke “Do me a favour..go and find her and sort it out..will ya? ‘cause if you don’t I’m gonna punch you this time” Niall and Liam adverting their eyes back and forth at the seen in front of them.

I got up from the sofa without saying another word and headed towards the door. I didn’t understand what had happened, and how things can change so quickly. One minute we were cuddling on the sofa and now she’s crying because of me. It almost felt impossible to find her in this building, I’d looked in every room almost and no sign of her anywhere. I’d asked Louise if she had seen her and all I got was ‘thought she was with you’, I’d asked the 5SOS boys, who were our opening act, but still no luck. The crew members who were sitting having some lunch in the kitchen hadn’t seen her either. I almost gave up looking until I passed Paul in the corridor, and he told me he saw her going into the small room at the bottom near the toilets. As I approached the room, I took a deep breath before pushing the door open. As I walked in and let the door close behind me, I noticed she was sitting on the red sofa with her knees tucked up in her chest and wiping her eyes with the sleeves of her jumper. The scene broke my heart. My legs took me over to her “Baby..what..why are you crying?”. “Just leave me alone” she mumbled. “No..no..I’m not going anywhere until we talk about this”, I went to wipe a tear that was rolling down her cheek but she swatted my hand away. “YN..Baby please” “Just fook off…you’d rather be with someone else anyway” she spat out. “What are you talking about?” “Once I get bored with YN, I’ll charm yours and win them over..I think that’s what you said” she repeated my words from earlier. “Aww c’mon…that was a joke and you know it” I defended my words. “No..jokes are funny…that was just arrogant” “You’re just being sensitive now” I snapped at her. “YOU JUST DON’T GET IT” she shouted “Nobody ever gets it” she whispered the last part. “THEN FUCKING TELL ME YN…'CAUSE I DON”T COME WITH A CRYSTAL BALL TO KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING..FOR FUCKS SAKE” after raising my voice, I regretted it instantly “I’m sorry..I didn’t mean to shout” She was silent for a few moments until I heard her voice “Do you know how many comments I read every day telling me I’m ugly and fat..o-or how you could do so much better than me…thousands…and when you said that you would move onto someone else once you get bored of me..It made me think maybe they’re right..why would Harry Styles want to be with me, when he could have anyone he wanted” “I don’t want anyone other than you” I spoke “and if I can’t have you then..I don’t see the point” I spoke gently. She sniffed and wiped a stray tear that rolled down her cheek and hit her lip “It really hurt me what you said” “I know..and I’m really sorry baby” I held my arms open for her, and she slowly moved so her head lay on my chest. I kissed the top of her head and moved my fingers up and down her arm in a calming motion. After a few moments, I decided to speak “Baby?”, she lifted her head to look up at me “You’re beautiful…please don’t listen to those comments…they’re just people who don’t have anything better to do than tear people apart”, I dipped my head to meet her lips and moved mine with hers softly. I brought my hand up to the side of her face as the kiss deepened and became a little sloppier. As I was about to move for her to fall on top of me, the door abruptly opened. “Ahh fook...me eyes” Louis's dramatic voice startled us “Right..well I’m glad you’ve made up…but maybe keep the kissing part until later yeah…right well..umm…I’ll leave you to it” and walked back out, closing the door behind him. As I looked back at YN we burst into laughter at what just happened. “I love you” I confessed, leaving a peck on her lips “I love you” she mumbled against my lips.

Tag List: (let me know if you would like to be added) @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @harrys-flower

[theshiftingwitch]

Hello ^^

I really want to make a shifting affirmation tape for myself and give it try, it kinda resonates with me and it feels right. I’ve been trying to use LOA to shift to my DR but it has been on and off so that’s why I haven’t managed to get anywhere yet.

I just keep stopping myself with doubts, anxiety and horrible intrusive thoughts, I’m also dealing with depression and with a 3D that I just want to escape from. Sometimes I can feel at ease and think I’m already in my DR but then the 3D hits me and I just start spiraling with doubts and fear throughout the day, specially in the night (‘what if it doesn’t work?’, ‘what if I never shift’, ‘what if it’s a lie?’, ‘what if I’m doing things wrong?’… and I could go on with so many more examples).

How can I learn to trust and knowing it’ll be okay? Did you ever felt this way? I want to completely surrender because I’m so tired, but I’m scared I’ll stay here forever being unhappy. I’d love to wake up in my DR one day and act as if all of this was only a long bad dream.

If I start listening to tapes for shifting during the night, how can I make sure to not mess up with the process when awake? How can I stop feeling so anxious and trapped in fear?

I know no one can do anything for me but myself, but maybe you have some kind words and advice that could help. Do you have recommendations or something you’d do in my position?

Thank you for taking the time if you answer this, and I’m so sorry for the long ask. Stay healthy and happy. 🥺

If an affirmation tape feels like the right thing to do, you should definitely do it.

I always emphasize the importance of following one's intuition. Whatever feels right, feels good, brings you joy and peace, is what you should be doing at all times.

Having doubts, anxiety, fear, paranoia... Most of us have been through the exact same thing. I know I have. I shifted twice and I still get those nights when I'm convinced I made it all up and my mind is playing tricks on me and I'll never escape. What helps is just letting those thoughts flow in and out. The truth is, nothing and no one can stop you from shifting, not even yourself. People have shifted by complete accident. Anti shifters shifted on their first try when they only wanted to prove that shifting is not real. Imagine that, our biggest opps became a part of the community when all they wanted was to prove we were crazy!

Once you decide that you are a shifter, nothing will derail you from that path. It is inevitable, unavoidable, destined. It is done. Whether it happens this next second or it happens in a couple of years, it will happen regardless. And once you shift, nothing about this 3d reality would even matter anymore. Not how much time you spent trying, not anything that went wrong, not even your cr self would have any say in it anymore.

The best advice I can give you: don't give up. Everything else is noise. You owe it to yourself to see this through. You owe it to yourself to finally accomplish the one thing you've wanted more than anything in the world. You owe it to yourself not to give up on all of your dr selves. They are you.

Methods, subliminals, tapes, saturation sessions, meditation, robotic Affirmations... They are all tools to help you on your way. You don't need them, but if they make you feel better then by all means, use them. But at the end of the day, you only need one thing.

Decide. Stick with that decision. Don't change your mind. Tune out everything that's not working on your favour. You need tunnel vision, everything else besides your goal is a blur. Focus.

You already shifted.

I hope this helps!

Happy shifting ❤️

[chvnnie]

thoughts on chan being a switch? it's rotting me i swear. i can so imagine him being tied up just itching to touch the reader, holding back the urge to completely tear them apart. pls omg he drives me crazy

switch Chan does not get the attention he deserves. because honestly, it’s a mind shattering thought.

SMUT - MINORS DNI

He never considered subbing. Being submissive just isn’t something that interested him; the control he has over every aspect of his life is something he holds so dearly. Just the thought of letting it go makes the man nervous, skin itchy, chest tight.

But you. You made him see the beauty in release, with a comfort that smells like lavender and cotton, tastes like oranges, feels like heaven.

You make it easy to relax.

Lifted on your knees, you straddled Chan, who is secured to your bed with the softest ropes he’s ever felt. Though he’s tugged once or twice, they’re firm. No slack, keeping him exactly where you want him.

Your body is hovering, center above center yet not touching even in the slightest. Fully dressed in contrast to him, cock heavy on his abs. Goosebumps crawling up his skin from the chill of the room, from the excitement bubbling in his belly.

Humming, you run the tip of a cane down his chest. Tracing the ridges of his body with it. It’s only been used once or twice, yet the tiny sparks of terror are felt in his spine. Remembering how it felt, the uniform marks it made — “How are you feeling, Channie?”

He takes a shaky breath before smiling, the cane now close to his leaning tip. “Good, ma’am.”

The title makes your lips quirk up, pretty eyes roaming up to his. “I’m glad.” Your tone reflect it. “What have you done while I was gone?”

“Followed your rules.”

He says it so simply that you look unconvinced. “Sounds like you’re saying that because I want to hear it.” A light swat to his inner thigh — not enough to hurt him, but it does make him twitch in the bindings. “Are you being honest?”

“Always, ma’am.”

You decide to take him at his word. After all, Channie can be such a good boy.

When he wants to be.

“I’m glad you came over.” You say earnestly, placing the cane to the side. “It’s been too long since I got to play with my favorite toy.”

Though you make him feel safe, content in a submissive role, the demeaning nickname sparks annoyance in the back of his head. That’s what he calls you when the roles are switched, twisted into positions that are simply for his pleasure. Chan doesn’t care for how you’ve used it against him.

“I wanted to see you.” He says, trying to ignore the feeling. “Touch you. Taste you—“

“Who said anything about that?” The laugh you give is humiliating, as if it was insane of him to even think about having you like that. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, little boy.”

It’s fun when Chan subs. When he lets you do whatever you want with him, regardless of the twisted things you come up with.

But, it’s even more fun when you challenge him. As his smile falls, yours grows, happy to see him getting so pent up. Knowing that he holds no control, it’s starting to make him itch.

“Why else would you invite me over?” He can’t help the bite in his voice.

Oh, your giggle. Usually the happiest, prettiest sound. One he could listen to for hours on end.

Today, it makes his hands curl into fists.

“To stare at you.” You’re climbing off of him. “Admire you. Sometimes it’s nice just to…look.”

He doesn’t like the way you said that. You pick up your phone, thumbs tapping quickly. Drowning out the man currently at your disposal. Within moments, there’s a knock on your apartment door.

“Oh, I’ll be right back.” You singsong, a little bounce in your step as you head out the room. Before he can even ask, you punch his cheeks between your thumb and index finger. “You’re going to love this, Channie.”

Kiss, and gone. The voices. Soft, whispering so they’re inaudible. Your giggle, the stranger responding in a deep, familiar voice.

No. No, no, no—

The set up of the room suddenly makes sense. The fluffy armchair, usually tucked in the corner. Right at the edge of the bed, positioned perfectly for Chan to see. The way you seem more focused on your phone than usual.

He’s thrashing in the bindings by the time Felix walks in with you, the younger man not even slightly surprised by his predicament.

“Oh, hyung. Excited?” The snide remark makes you laugh, guiding Felix over to the chair.

“He’s always eager—“

“Fucking untie me-“

“And so hard to satisfy.” You say with a sigh, plopping to a seat. “I’m sure you understand. It’s never enough for him.”

Felix hums sadly, giving his friend an almost disappointing look. “How do you ever get any pleasure?”

You smile, twirling your hair with your index finger. “He does have a pretty cock, but you think with how much he fucking talks, he would use his tongue a bit more.”

Chan is livid. It’s all a lie; how many hours has he spent between your legs? Have you spent seated on his face? Sure, he knows it’s all to rile him up. But the frustration comes from the fact that it’s working. He wants to touch you. Needs to touch you. To fucking remind you who exactly is in charge—

“Oh, poor thing.” Felix coos, softly tracing your jaw with the tips of his fingers as he kneels in front of you. “Do you want some help?”

Fuck, he’s so annoyed with the way you pout. Puppy dog eyes. “Please, Lixie?”

It’s agony, watching his younger friend push your skirt up. Seeing that you were wearing nothing the underneath the entire time, head rolling back as Felix eagerly traces your cunt with his tongue. That should be him. He should be touching you.

Yet he’s bound. Stagnant. Forced to watch as the ropes begin to give under his pulls.

[89pedri]

Second Date

Hi everyone, I love reading Mason fanfics here so I figured I’d try to write my own… Please let me know what you think. 🥺

Word count: 1.4k. Just fluff?

“I thought I’d never see you again” you heard as someone had positioned themselves directly beside you at the bar.

“Hey stranger” you smiled, without even looking at him, yet being able to recognize him by his voice immediately.

It had been about three weeks since you’d last seen him, since you’d gone on your first date with Mason.

“Well,” he began whispering in your ear as he had move dangerously close to you, “wouldn’t be much of a stranger if you finally agreed on a day for our second date.”

The truth was, you wanted to say yes to his relentless texts asking you out on a second date. But his life seemed to be so chaotic, and you weren’t exactly ready to bring him into yours. Between uni, work, and the Chelsea internship, you knew it was no use to try to fit someone into your schedule. At least, that’s what you told yourself.

“I know, I know, I told you I’ve been busy...” you apologized.

“I know, but regardless I’m very happy I’ve seen you again. You look just absolutely gorgeous.”

You turned to look at him for the first time that night, admiring the way he looked under the lights. His hair was more grown out and his beard was messier than the last time you saw him. And his smile. That damn smile that reached his eyes. You knew that if you spent long enough with him, and if you saw that smile long enough, you’d end up caving in and doing anything he’d ask from you.

“Thank you Mase, you look good too.” you smiled at him.

“Two gin and tonics please, my tab” he turned towards the bartender before resuming his conversation with you.

“So I must ask, Y/N. What brings you in here. You’ve been too busy to go out with me but you seem to have time to go out to the clubs in this little black dress.” he said half-jokingly, although you could sense a tone of hurt in his voice.

“It’s my best friends birthday.” you pointed towards your friend who was on the dance floor, dancing with a man she’d had her eye on the whole night.

“And-” you continued “believe it or not it’s the first time I’ve gone out since I last went out with you.“ you said in a serious tone as you pointed at his chest as you felt you were being interrogated.

“Alright, alright missy.” He chuckled before grabbing your hand that had been resting on his chest to interlace his fingers with yours. “No need to get so feisty, I believe you. I’m sorry if I came off defensive.” he finished as he brought your hand close to his lips, placing a gentle kiss.

You’d both been entranced in your own little world, you had not noticed the bartender had placed your drinks in front of you.

Just as you were about to resume your conversation, you were interrupted.

“Hi, you must be Mason. Nice to meet you. Sorry to interrupt but Y/N, I’m going home with Nathan. I’ll pay for your cab home. Don’t wait up, yes I’ll be safe. Love you bye.” your friend said all in one breath as she disappeared following the blonde who was leading the way.

You noticed Mason share a look with the stranger your friend was leaving with as he waved goodbye to both of them.

“So, you talk about me.” Mason smirked at you, getting a boost of confidence, knowing that you talked about him to your friends. Just like he did.

“Mason. You’re focusing on the wrong thing here. She’s going home with a stranger. A blonde one at that. And a short one, too. What if he’s a murderer? What if he kills her on her birthday? Surely no one is that twisted, right?”

He couldn’t help the laugh he let out as he let you rant and he looked at you amusingly.

“My friend’s death funny to you?” you questioned as you found nothing about the situation to be comical.

“The stranger.” he explained, “The blonde, short stranger is my best friend, Nathan. He lives with me. I promise you as soon as I get home, I will make sure your friend’s alive and well. And I will send her to yours back in one piece tomorrow.”

You felt a wave of embarrassment wash over you as you let out a laugh, too. “Oh. I’m sorry. I’m sure he’s lovely and to be fair she’s really short so she doesn’t need someone much taller.” you apologized.”

“I promise you she’ll be okay. Plus, I need to have a serious chat with her tomorrow.”

“Why’s that?”

“I need to thank her…” he begins, inching dangerously closer to your ear as he whispers “for finally letting me see you again.” he finishes his thought by pressing a kiss to your cheek.

Your rolled your eyes at him as you looked away while sipping your drink. You’d very quickly noticed that physical touch was his love language, feeling yourself get shy by the affection he was giving you. Your fourth drink in your hand not helping, as you felt the alcohol catching up to you.

“I gotta be honest with you. I’m kinda drunk right now and would love it if you walked me home. It’s about a 20 minute walk. Only if you can?” you said quietly, afraid of what his answer might be.

He smiled at you, giving you a look you couldn’t quite discern. “I would love to.”

You held his hand as you lead the way through the sweaty bodies on the dance floor. Wanting to let him know that you were okay with his touches without saying it out loud.

As you walked on the streets, you noticed it had began to lightly rain, and without saying anything, he places his jacket around your shoulders. Taking the opportunity to bring himself closer to you.

You two chatted as you lead the way, catching up on what you both had been up to since the last time you’d seen him.

Conversation flowed so naturally with Mason. You felt you could talk about anything and be yourself without fear of judgement. Somewhere along the way, it became clear to you that while you had, indeed, been busy, there was another reason you kept trying to postpone your second date with Mason. If you are honest with yourself, it was probably the main reason. You were scared of how much you liked him. You were scared of how easily you let your guard down with him. Especially with him, Mason Mount. Football superstar, Mason Mount, who surely could have anyone he wanted.

“This is me.” you tell him as you stop walking in front of your building.

“Well, Y/N. I had a lovely time on our second date.” he tells you as he gives you a quick hug and kiss to your forehead.

You stay there for a while, enjoying his embrace and taking in his scent.

“This was not our second date, Mount” you say just above a whisper looking down, afraid to look at him.

“We had drinks. We had a lovely chat while I walked you home for about,” he pulled out his phone from the pocket of his jeans “twenty seven minutes… I got you home safe and sound. And before you go up” he took a brief pause placing his hand on your cheek, forcing you to look at him. “I’m going to give you a quick kiss goodnight, if you let me. And that, miss Y/N, sounds exactly like a second date.

You couldn’t help the smile from forming across your face, blushing as you see him mirror it. Finding the whole thing silly yet endearing.

You both lean into each other as he places a chaste kiss on your lips. A barely there kiss, but just enough to keep you wanting more.

“Well then, I guess you’ll have to text me what to wear for our third date.” you tell him, after a few seconds of silence, as you’re about to give him his jacket back.

“I will see you. In less than three weeks this time. And you can give me my jacket back then. Thank you for another lovely date.” he tells you before you disappear into your flat.

Everything you had felt in your first official date with Mason. Hope, happiness, excitement, fear; you now felt times two.

[sonnet-of-anarchy]

Had a think about it, and I believe the finale was going to cause issues regardless because, really, we’re never going to be satisfied with an ending we didn’t truly want to happen & that’s ok. It’s ok that it’s divisive because people process differently and we’d all an alternative ideology as to how ghosts should conclude.

Essentially, I’m glad the team could end the show on their terms & write a finale they were happy with, but I equally understand people’s dissatisfaction. For me, there were parts I enjoyed and parts that felt off.

I enjoyed the chess husbands, naturally - Julian’s compulsion to make Robin happy really touched me because he’s never really cared about anyone like that before. Unlike s4 he wasn’t doing it to prove a point - it just came naturally. I thought it was interesting to utilise the ghost’s powers in a situation that ‘made them known’ - I know a similar thing happened in the grey lady but I still enjoyed the irony of Julian finally making an impact on the world but, even in death, it wasn’t with a positive outcome. Some things never change (a point I’ll get to later).

The humour landed in places for me too, like Robin being called a pet and his ‘no’s at feeling Christmassy. I also loved the orgy cut & Cap’s baby noises.

What didn’t work for me, like most people, was their leaving after the last resort’s conclusion. It felt a little contradictory - but half of me feels this episode was written/planned quite some time ago hence some characters regressing to their roots (Thomas and Alison, Kitty’s Jealousy).

I thought Robin’s end speech, for a Robin speech, lacked its usual profundity. Yeah, it had the tear-jerking quality because it was finale but substance-wise it felt quite generic and flat? Idk. Like, we know Christmas isn’t about commercialised commodities, every piece of Christmas media on the planet had told us this.

Equally, the ambiguity of the ending/lack of faces (for me) missed the usual friendliness and domestic quality of ghosts (like the s3 finale, for example). As much as knowing all the ghosts were there it felt odd not to see them as throughout the show the charm came from sharing Alison’s gift, as an audience.

There were a few plot points that to me didn’t quite work for me too. Robin said the ever since Alison he’d enjoyed Christmas yet he doesn’t feel the spirit until she decides to leave? The focus on Mike’s Mum was interesting, but as stated her lone, ‘overbearing’ trope had been utilised previously and took the attention away from the MCs somewhat. Personally, I was never a massive fan of the baby plot so I knew that wouldn’t appeal to me so much. The characters regressing to pre-development felt a little frustrating but I sort of understand why they chose to?

Quintessentially, you stays how you dies for better or worse - and I think they were trying to prove that nothing really changes for the ghosts, nothing ever truly moves on and that juxtaposes with Alison and Mike’s new chapter? Like, the ghosts have grown as a result of her influence but there’s only so much Alison could offer? She’s alive and changing and they sort-of realised that - which is character development in itself, I suppose.

They love her and want her to be happy - the show reached a sort-of cycle in that they wanted her to go because they hate her, wanted her to stay because they need her, then let her go because they love her.

Maybe that’s too generic or cheap for a show like ghosts - maybe the ending lacked substance or sense and, to an extent, I agree. But that’s what I think they were trying to do and in part it worked, in part it didn’t. But I’m glad nobody moved on because it embodies the ‘core’ of ghosts that they’re always there just the same in limbo and the world keeps on spinning.

Anyway, those are my thoughts :)

[artistnerd24]

Sending this to people in the fandom i appreciate....... Thank you for all you've done for this community. Thank you for helping me stay positive and making me smile with your posts and reblogs and comments. I appreciate you being in this fandom and I understand if you're no longer able to be with the circumstances, but I enjoyed your company on the ride. I wish you all the best, regardless of what you do. Please know you're loved and appreciated. Remember to drink water and do what makes you happy. <3

Awwwwww Roseyyyyyy 😭😭😭😭😭😭 WHY ARE MY MUTUALS ALL SO SWEET, I DONT DESERVE YOU GUYS 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️

You’ve and all of my moots been the exact same thing to me, beams of sunshine that still gave me hope in the fandom and even though we had just suffered a great loss, seeing you guys and the whole fandom being there for each other made me realize how strong this community is and that there will always be hope no matter what goes wrong :3

Tbh, I am just sad now but I don’t think I’m planning on leaving yet. Hiatus probably, but permanently leaving? I don’t know if I can force myself too. As long as there are the creators that I grew to love over this past year, I’ll still stick around. Besides, after Jaiden, Tina became my main (she never logs on though now so that’s why I’ve been just migrating around and watches different POVs) so as long as she’s on, I’m definitely on, and if she leaves, I have some backups, and my two babies were and have always been Chayanne and Empanada, so as long as Empanada is around, I’m not leaving my baby (I’ll talk about Chayanne in a later post but I’m still just processing what’s next 😅). Plus, fed lore and a bunch of other lore has now grabbed me and will never let me go, and I’m still a fan of other streamers and still have animatic ideas I never got around to cause of continuous art block :) All in all, I don’t think I’m going to ever completely leave, this fandom has helped me out through so much and especially my amazing moots like you so until everyone is gone and moved on, I think I’ll stick around from time to time :D

However this sucks that this happened literally 2 days before my one year anniversary of joining the fandom 😭 (in YT though, qsmpblr was in December so that’ll be a different celebration :D)

Again though, thank you so much for the message Rosey, it really made me smile. I think I’ll just watch some funny videos before going to bed and then sleep and hope that I won’t be a crybaby tomorrow at school and that I can process everything and figure out what to do next :D

Also LOOK I TRY TO DRINK WATER, I REALLY DO, BUT I DONT KNOW WHY MY PROCRASTINATIN BRAIN ALWAYS ENDS UP WITH ME ONLY DRINKING LIKE 2 GLASSES A DAY, I KNOW ITS UNHEALTHY BUT MY BRAIN ALWAYS THINKS ITS BORING AND WANTS TO MOVE ON, I DONT UNDERSTAND IT

[bluedalahorse]

As my identified reference about Sara and August, I have a question for you about the end of s1.

When Sara goes to August's room to confront him, they end up kissing. Before I saw S2, I thought Sara was not really consenting, giving the way she looks away. I thought August was taking avantage of her.

Do you think she was "enjoying it" at that time, but maybe was wondering what was happening ?

Thanks for your ask! I’m happy to be your sargust expert.

And now to address your question. It’s an uncomfortable question to answer, but I’ll do my best to answer it all the same. Content note that we’re about to get into discussing consent and other difficult topics related to sexuality.

Generally my read on the situation is: yes, Sara consented. At the same time, she’s conflicted about her feelings for August in that scene, so I think what we’re seeing when she looks away is her struggling with her feelings about her desires.

While we talk a lot about the more positive depictions of sexual behavior in Young Royals, one thing that’s true about the show is that it actually depicts a range of sexual behaviors. Earlier in season 1, we have Simon nervously but happily kissing Wilhelm on movie night, but we also have Felice showing up at August’s room and initiating a hookup not out of desire but out of feelings of anger and insecurity. Felice and August both consent to the latter encounter, but both of them do so while in a negative headspace. Sara’s encounter with August in 1.6 occupies a sort of middle space between these two extremes. This is even evident by how the scene is blocked and directed. Sara showing up at August’s door reminds us of the way Felice shows up, but her first tentative kisses remind us of Simon on movie night. Sara does feel genuine desire—she’s the one who initiates the kissing, at first—but she’s also struggling with that desire and what it means for her understanding of herself, her relationship with her family, etc.

Another piece of important context for the confrontation scene is that both Sara and August are in not the best headspace. August has been grappling with the fact that he betrayed his core value of discretion released the video, and a lot of the buried resentment he feels toward Wilhelm has come to the surface. This is coming on the heels of August barely avoiding being kicked out of Hillerska after not being able to pay his boarding feels. Sara encountered her father in person on Lucia night—something caused by Simon going behind her back—and her house is now being hounded by journalists and her mom is threatening to pull her out of a school where she’s finally made friends. While neither of them is in as awful or traumatic a place as Wilhelm or Simon, for obvious reasons, I don’t imagine either of them has been sleeping well or taking care of themselves. This is likely something that’s cutting down on their usual inhibitions, and their decisions are driven partially by bad mental health/a stress response.

Regardless of the fact that Sara consents, I also think we’re meant to feel uncomfortable in that scene because we know how quickly things could go in a negative direction where Sara’s consent is disregarded. We know August’s views of women are crap. He has a lot more privilege, between the two of them, and he’s physically taller and stronger than Sara. If I recall (I’m trying not to rewatch the scene right now so I don’t accidentally rewatch Young Royals when I need to get work done) we even see him lift Sara up and put her on his desk. In a more idealized/less realistic teen drama, the directors might have tried to turn this into a ~sexy move~ via camera work, lighting, and sound mixing. But here it’s merely a demonstration of physical strength, and one that Sara’s not initially expecting. I don’t think Sara’s feeling threatened or coerced, in that moment, even if she’s surprised and even if all of this physical contact is new to her—I imagine season 2 would have played out very differently if she had felt that way—but I do think that we, as audience members, are supposed to feel the possibility of that threat, and worry for her.

(Something I also have considered in season 2 is the way that Sara is initiating a lot of the physical contact at the beginning of season 2, while also knowing August’s secret. Theoretically she could have blackmailed him into hooking up with her by threatening to go to the police with information. She doesn’t attempt to blackmail him, and August consents to physical contact with her even when he’s surprised by it. But the context in which Sara kisses August in 2.2 is supposed to bring this idea into our head, I think. Maybe. I go back and forth on what the writers want us to think there.)

Another way to think about these scenes, also, is that some sex educators recognize multiple categories of consent. For instance, Angela Chen recognizes four in her book on asexuality. Chen would probably label Sara’s consent in 1.6 as willing, but not enthusiastic. Likewise with August’s consent in 2.2.

Tl;dr consent is a complex topic and different sex educators have different paradigms about consent. Young Royals wholly acknowledges the importance of consent in sexual situations, while also acknowledging that not everyone who consents does so at perfect times, or with pure, uninterrupted feelings of love and desire in their heart. And I think being aware of that makes it easier to interpret scenes like the one above.

Hope this answers your question! There really are a lot of emotional layers to this show.

[la-nom-nom]

Modern Amy does have the flanderizations unlike Classic and Boom, but THIS Amy had most of the best moments too. Here’s what Modern has canonically under her belt:

SA1 she saw the bigger picture involving Gamma, she pointed out that love isn’t part of robot’s’ programming and they’re missing something good.

Also in SA1 she stepped up to Sonic from destroying Gamma; stepping up to your crush especially when you haven’t won their heart yet is harder than we think. When liking someone it’s normal to try being on the best terms with them. If they’re doing something that rubs you the wrong way that could taint those terms. (Ofc it’s the right thing to step up regardless)

Her moment with Shadow from SA2. It has been discussed many times why it’s so good but I’ll at least put down this: Amy KNOWS there’s shitty people and bad things but she also sympathizes for others and decides to see the good anyway. It’s waaaay easier to fall into negativity and despair when things get bad. This moment is somewhat similar to the story Pandora’s Box when all the bad stuff flew out but one thing within that seems so tiny but is powerful which was hope. Deciding to see the good is like that hope.

Heroes has been seen as this as one of Amy’s more infamous portrayals but really? Was her crush for Sonic executed the best? Depends on the person, but not the worst. Still, she stayed with her team until they reached their goal. Sure she knew doing that will lead her to Sonic but once again, it’s not bad. Why isn’t anyone complaining about the fact the Chaotix, Rouge, Sonic, Shadow were picking fights too? WTFH…

In Battle, another portrayal and one I actually think isn’t so good, or part of it. (Girl, starving yourself thinking Sonic will like you if you’re skinny? Really? If Sonic has issues then that’s his issue not yours!) However, she helped Emerl with his skills. She was pretty much like everyone else but yet none of them get pointed out for their portrayals.

Riders is sorta known for the bad portrayal between her and Sonic but really it wasn’t bad (the voice direction like tone of voice was different between the English and Japanese, the ladder being more accurate to the characters) until the very end of Heroes story which was when Sonic blew her away along with Eggman. Can’t we be in her shoes for a moment? If someone, one of your friends SonAmy or not they are friends didn’t consider your safety especially like THAT would you be happy? Don’t think so. It’s valid to be pissed. Ofc you should point it out.

06 might’ve been (technically) erased but it still shows Amy’s positive side. If it were to happen again and not be erased there’s little to no doubt that Amy would do the same thing. Like in SA1 she saw the bigger picture by putting aside her crush for Sonic and saving the world. One of things it highlighted was her loyalty. This did show in Heroes too, if she wasn’t loyal she would’ve ditched Cream and Big. People can say all they want about Amy choosing Sonic over the world; the other option is to BETRAY her friend who she’s known for a long time and be like, “Hey, Sonic, my friend who I just met Silver who says you’ll destroy the world so I’m siding with him.” THAT would be bad. (Though in Silver’s defense it was from a valid sense and didn’t know who Sonic was but that’s not the focus right now. Amy is brave for stepping up to Silver who clearly outclassed her in skills) Can we also point out that Rouge and Omega did the same thing yet nobody complained about that? Even if it was worded differently, there’s still a sense of hypocrisy.

Rush had Amy tell Blaze, who was very closed off, about the idea that having friends is truly uplifting. Heck Blaze was even intrigued and had a slight smile because of Amy’s upbeat vibe.

Unleashed highlighted Amy to be in no way shallow when it comes to her crush with Sonic: she states to Sonic that no matter what, he’s still her Sonic. How sweet and endearing is that? She even planned to throw a party for him. Clearly she was trying to uplift his spirit. Sonic wasn’t going through a good time, externally and internally. When all hope seemed lost she openly said that Sonic WILL succeed. Also highlighting her faith, another powerful thing. She had faith in previous games too, like having faith that Sonic will listen to her to not destroy Gamma, faith in the good of humanity in SA2, and as mentioned earlier her faith that in 06 Sonic would never destroy the world but save it.

All of the examples above are from the time era of her “obsessive” days that detractors like use to prove that she’s just a “stalker/yandere/etc”.

I will admit that things like Sonic X didn’t do her justice during that era. Though that is partly thanks to the shit English dub and SOA.

Post 2010 hasn’t really been too great but even in Lost World she told Sonic to save the world, believing there’s a chance even though she felt for sure she wasn’t going to be alive for it. She did say it was too late but it felt like she was referring to the latter, not her having a lack of faith. In Forces she was part of the Resistance. Like previous titles she did her part. Minus a few games, she was always an active participant, even in a game like the Black Knight while even it was not exactly the Amy Sonic knew, Nimue was still a counterpart. Like in the Secret Rings with Ali Babba!Tails and Sinbad!Knuckles there was a connection to Sonic’s POV. Frontiers has been pointed with its faults especially with storytelling (seriously previous games, even the most beloved ones, had this issue too) but even then the desire of Amy wanting to help, like she always has, was there.

Modern Amy has proven to be a brave, positive, uplifting, helpful, kind, and a non shallow girl who definitely cares about Sonic’s wellbeing. If having those qualities is STILL viewed as the worst portrayal of the character… 🤦🏻‍♀️

P.S.: This post sprouted from seeing comments upholding Classic Amy(from the latest news) and a few for Boom while downplaying Modern Amy. Heck someone literally commented “Classic Amy over Insamy any day.” Insamy means Insane Amy Seriously? It’s cool to see Amy getting love but some people forget that Classic Amy is a younger Modern Amy, soooooo they’re really shitting on the one they “really” like?

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

@allvalley100

Prompt: Superstition

Pairing: Hawkmetri

The rest of this AV100 prompt that I didn't have time to finish before the prompt closed XD This one is a 7-parter--700 words total! Only fitting they should get a happy ending for the last AV100 post I write for them <3

***

Day 38

Talked to Eli about his…interesting new lady friends. They’re making me miss when he was hung up on Moon, honestly.

Anyways, turns out they’re just some exiled lesbians he took pity on. Families disowned them for kissing women, growing fangs, etc etc. Last I heard, Yas is single—maybe she’d want their numbers?

Woke up with a couple (bite?) sores on my neck, so I asked Eli about his pest control situation. He says everything’s fine, but I have my doubts.

Side note: Are metal allergies possible? Had to toss that silver crucifix—damn thing gave me hives.

*

Day 40

Confession: I’m worried about Eli.

There was an…incident a few days ago, and I hoped if I mulled it over enough times, it’d start making sense. Wishful thinking.

Was shaving the other morning when Eli barged in. Funny, I didn’t see him coming in my shaving mirror—can those things glitch? Thought that was only Smart Mirrors™️.

He started ranting about how “mirrors are for pussies,” and threw mine out the window??? Incredibly inconsiderate.

He insisted I didn’t need to shave because I’d look hot with a beard. How do you tell if someone’s joke-flirting or actual flirting?

*

Day 45

Have I mentioned Eli’s weird about blood now? Unsure I like it.

Cut myself on some loose board (this castle needs renovation), and he freaked out. Wouldn’t even look at it! Wailed about “blood being too precious to waste” and ran away. Huh.

Townsperson banged on the door today, telling Eli to stop eating people. I opened to tell him that was nonsense, but I noticed he smelled...appetizing? Like a gyro wrap.

He made himself scarce before I could say anything, but…kind of hurtful, honestly. I know I’m a bit gangly, but I’m not that ugly, am I?

*

Day 47

Finally got a wifi signal in here! Only took 4 hours of fiddling to make Eli’s TV work.

We binged Castlevania today. Eli’s favorite character is Dracula, supposedly because he’s “such a badass and is gonna kick the asses of every one of those lame humans.” I think it has more to do with Dracula having a soft spot for a smart, good-hearted human who he goes absolutely batshit avenging, but Eli’d never admit to this.

Side note: Is it hypothetically possible for one’s reflection to gradually grow more and more translucent and dead-looking? Asking for a friend.

*

Day 50

Bad news: Eli ate the mailman today, and I…may have helped.

Walked in on him draining the guy’s blood, and naturally demanded an explanation. Eli said to settle down because “there’s plenty to share!” What an insane suggestion.

But since the mailman was already dead...

In my defense…best AB positive I’ve ever had. Not that I’ve had much. I’ve dabbled a couple times, but who hasn’t?

In better news: Wearing the “amnesia” down! We’ve been reading through the library together, and Eli’s instinctively remembering what kinds of fantasy and sci-fi I like. He remembers me—I FEEL it.

*

Day 60

Okay! Know what’s going on now.

We were reading Buffy comics when Eli clutched his head and started shrieking. Everything came back at once.

After I calmed him down, he spilled everything. Getting involved with a Kung-Fu-practicing vampiric “organization” promising nigh-unlimited badassery. Being taken to Europe, undeadified, and given a blood-only diet…none of which sharpened his memory.

Admitted I’m not inheriting a Greek estate, and I only came to find him. He tearfully told me that’s a shame. He imagined us building a life there. Maybe raising some goats?

Fuck it—if he wants, I’ll make that happen.

*

Day 140

Been a while! Busy, busy!

Surprisingly easy talking “distant family members” into giving us a land plot. Maybe it’s superstition. Maybe it’s healthy fear. Regardless, people don’t like saying no to weird, sharp-toothed out-of-towners.

Made Eli promise he’ll discuss with me before joining any new martial arts-related cults (especially ones that strand him in isolated castles as soon as he “isn’t evil enough”). Now he only feeds every so often! We’ve gone through some neighbors, but it’s an improvement over Transylvania.

Also, our eldest nannygoat gave birth! Eli named the kids Hellraiser, Slayer, and Wrathchild. I love them.

[nerdlydelicious]

apologies for all the asks!!! I don’t have many folks I chat RWBY with so I turn to the folks who’s opinions I’ve come to respect on tumblr!

Anyways - with the final episode of Volume 9 rapidly approaching, what do you think needs to happen in the finale for it to be concluded in a satisfying way?

cheers!

You’re fine, I like answering questions!

As for what needs to happen, in my personal opinion, the things that I think need to happen are as follows, but not strictly in this order:

1. Ruby has a talk with her mother, at least in some fashion, which helps her realize that she doesn’t need to be a completely different person to be the hero she needs to be, which helps her complete her ascension.

2. We also go through Jaune’s ascension and he is changed into a younger version of himself, but specifically not reverted back to his Volume 8 form as that would be literal character regression. Also, he keeps the warrior’s wolf tail.

3. Both Ruby and Jaune retain all their memories after ascension, and get new looks, and either upgraded or new weapons.

4. Ascended Ruby and Jaune tag team Neko Neo and kick his ass.

5. Neko Neo dies/gets taken by the tree to ascend. Don’t give either of them a second chance or a redemption arc.

6. Everyone has a tearful reunion with Ruby, apologizing that they weren’t there for her when she needed them and she forgives them.

7. Team RWBY and Jaune walk through the door into Remnant, and either the episode ends there to leave us on a cliff hanger for V10, or they walk out into Vacuo to throw us right into the action at the start of V10. Bonus points if Juniper goes with them.

8. We see Little again at some point. Maybe they help fight the cat in their new ascended form. And we get a heartfelt moment between them and Ruby.

As a bonus these are things that I don’t think have to happen for the finals to be satisfactory, but I’ll be very happy if they do:

1: when Jaune returns Weiss hugs him or in some way shows relief that he’s okay. Bonus points if she comments positively about his new look. It shouldn’t be a moment that overshadows the big reunion with Ruby (though I’m sure some people will gripe about it regardless), just a nice little touching scene between them.

2. Ruby lands the fight ending blow on the cat with her Silver Eyes powers. I don’t know why her powers would affect the cat, but it would be bad ass.

3. Ruby says something positive about Blake and Yang’s relationship. Mainly to piss off everyone making ‘Ruby is homophobic’ memes.

4. We get Yang and/or Blake teasing Weiss about Jaune, maybe one of them asking her if he’s still ‘mature’ enough for her, and Weiss being flustered and embarrassed.

5. As team RWBY and Jaune leave, we get scenes of the Afterans going about their lives. The Genial Gems building a new home, the market place being repaired, Jinxy peddling more items, the Hunter mice catching a snake, that kind of thing.

6. Red Like Roses part 3 for Ruby’s epic arrival at the climax of the fight vs the cat.

That’s everything I can think of, at least for now. I’m sure five minutes after I post this I’ll have four more things to add to the list XD

[circular-bircular]

I am not going to tell you to stop, because I get what you have been saying, but what point is there to interacting with Sophie? What do you think is going to come out of this? They really do not care for anything you have to say and are solely going to just attack you and paint you in a bad image regardless of what you say. You could make the best point and be completely right, and they will still find a way to demonize and attack you. The cycle is never ending. I don't understand where this is supposed to end and when you are supposed to start feeling safe and happy with their constant aggression fueled by attention. Does this really make you feel safer and more stable? Do you have an end goal in sight?

(Sophie uses she/her pronouns, rather than they/them!)

Yes actually, I do have a goal in sight. Remarkably, it doesn’t even revolve around her.

See, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but for quite some time, I did my best to not even mention her name or do anything at all relating to Sophie. Instead, I let her spread lies and vitriol about me and the spaces I was in, and consequently, people began to listen to and repeat those lies. And yet, I continued to ignore them, because “well, would interacting with her really spark joy?”

Obviously not. Interacting with Sophie does not, in any way, make me feel safer or more stable.

But it makes me feel a lot safer and a lot more stable than just ignoring the vitriol people praise her for, or the lies she spreads about me and my friends.

The issue is, we’ve tried deplatforming via ignoring. Everyone I knew, beyond a small handful, completely ignored her, or worked hard to. The spaces I’m in literally had rules about not engaging with her. Some still do! And sadly, that hurt me more, because I allowed myself to believe that being upset and angry about those things was destabilizing me.

My posts really aren’t for her. I know nothing I’ll say will ever change her mind, because she has already picked out who I am to her: to her, I’m a member of a hate group who is masquerading as someone they’re not. I’ve stopped caring what she sees me as — but when her followers call me a bitch because I keep “attacking” her, when all I did was make a post explaining my disgust at her reaction? I want to clarify, for my sake, and for those who aren’t knowledgeable about the topic and have to make an opinion.

The posts aren’t for her. They’re for me, and the people who come to my blog due to her vague posting about me constantly. Because I DO get a lot of folks coming to my blog due to what she posts about the “so called pro-endo sysmed.” And before, when I refused to let myself use my own damn blog as an outlet for my own opinions, when I kept it all bottled up — people just saw me never clarifying any of that vitriol. They could walk away still assuming the worst.

Now, I can clarify my perspective. Will she still lie about what’s happening and constantly twist my words? Absolutely. But now I am no longer as distressed about it, because I know my truth is out there, and they can see that I try to spread respect, love, and positivity.

That says a lot more about my character than hers.

Again — I love that you’re trying to ensure that people are being healthy and taking care of themselves in this space. That’s a good thing. But ask yourself honestly: do I seem triggered right now? Do I seem like engaging with her content is actively actually making me less stable?

Last night, I realized I was a little messed up about it, and then I made a post showing I was messed up before then stepping away. This morning, I saw an ask, judged myself to be okay enough to make a response, and did so. I’m feeling wonderful at the moment, in all honesty.

It’s not better to keep it all bottled up. I understand that now.

[destinyc1020]

I’ll bite. I’m a Z fan who likes her with Tom now. Initially I can’t lie, I was glad she was with JE or even the rumors about JDW. Tom felt like such a school boy, bouncing everywhere and Z was moving into her “adult” era, JE seemed to compliment that more serious and artistic vibe she had - and yea they looked better paired. Nowadays while I like Tom some what I will admit that sometimes he still seems very young boy compared to her woman which isn’t helped by the height. On my worst opinion days it feels like he is far behind in every category.

Thank you Anon for your honesty. I'm glad you're at least being HONEST lol. 😂

I'm pretty sure that's probably how a LOT of Z fans feel (or USED to feel at some time) tbh. 🤷🏾‍♀️ I really think some ppl have some really warped views of celebrities or smthg lol. 🥴

I think ppl make judgements when they don't really know someone on the public eye, and the judgments are usually negative until they get to know MORE about the person. I'll admit, I've been guilty of it too! 🤷🏾‍♀️

But once I've spent more time in someone's fandom, and get to know more about them (either through fans, fan encounters, or just their interviews and whatnot), my view of them starts to change..... usually for the positive. 😌

With Tom, I personally feel like he CAN be serious? I've seen him be serious before. I mean, he's the son of a comedian for goodness sakes lol, so he's going to have jokes and a sense of humor, and I think Zendaya LOVES that about him! 😂

I actually don't think she would like being with a guy who's TOO serious or uptight... 👀 I know I personally wouldn't. I prefer light-hearted, EASY-going guys. No drama or up and down attitudes for me please no. I dated a guy who was like that (up and down all the time) and it was a nightmare 🥴 I was so attracted to him, but in the end, he was just a downer! I vowed never to be with a guy like that ever again lol. I can't do the up and down rollercoaster, or guys who take themselves TOO seriously. 🥴

I think that's why I didn't really think that she and Big Foot were a good match. He just always seemed like he took himself TOO seriously, and was always on a foul mood lol 😆 Now, I could be totally WRONG and way off base about him, but that's just the VIBE that he puts out to me. Idk the dude personally, so again my perception could be way off base, and I'm perfectly happy to admit that. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Z is def in her "grown woman" era, but I think that Tom is in his "grown man" era as well now. Women DO mature faster than guys lol... But hey, sometimes opposites attract! 😃 You don't want someone TOO much like you lol. That's kinda boring? You want a guy/person who can teach you things, make you look at things differently, open you up, allow you to be completely YOURSELF. One thing about Tom is that he's very confident in himself, and he is just who he is regardless. 🤷🏾‍♀️ That's a very attractive trait. I'm sure that allows her to be 100% herself as well! 😌

I just don't understand why ppl police us black women and who we find attractive so much! It's ANNOYING!! 😤🥴 Leave us alone my gosh lol. 😂 Everyone's always got an opinion on who we like, date, smash, or find attractive. 😒 Even in the black community! Like, can't we just LIVE and love in PEACE?? Geez! Let us thirst in peace please lol 😆

I think Z is with the right guy for her who makes her "the happiest"! 🥰❤