#but i would appreciate in the future. for people to not vent personal traumas to me in my inbox

[northern-passage]

I really don't get how Lea could ever think they and the Hunter were a team, when apparently they knew about the collar thing while the hunter didn't even know??? They are the literal embodiment of the Hunter's alienation and dehumanization. Will Lea (and the narrative) ever acknowledge how fucking despicable the order actually is??? They're a bunch of child abusers who prey on poor families and practice human trafficking. On that note I actually deeply despise the Hunter's mentor. That fight scene with him forcing us to stand up again and again? I don't care that the same was done to him and he did it to make the Hunter stronger or whatever. That was the same logic my grandmother had when she hit my mother, and she would have done the same to us if my mother hadn't cut ties with her and broke the cycle of generational violence. I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't play this game right now as it very clearly trigger some things within me that I should address elsewhere than in your ask box, but I guess I needed to express how helpless the Hunter made me feel. Especially with Lea. My character (and myself I guess) couldn't sit down and have a normal conversation with them given how blind they were to the Hunter's situation, and that was even before I understood what the collar thing truly meant after replaying the demo and reading the last snippet you published. Lea comes from a powerful family with ties everywhere, they are literally called our 'handler', and they know what the ladder does to someone (both short term and long term, mentally and physically)... And they truly think them and the Hunter are the same??? Equals??? The only explanation I can find is that they grew up their entire life within the order and never knew anything else, and so this is a case of great ignorance and deep denial. They need a good wake up call and a lot of character development, but when I see Noel's reaction and Lea's behavior during their rival route, I'm kinda worried.

well... i mean most of what you've mentioned here is The Point. Lea is a hypocrite, and the hunter can argue with them and refuse their partnership because of it. Jorah is an asshole and treated the hunter poorly at times, to the point that him and Rodrick argued about it frequently, and is why Rodrick attempts to intervene when they spar. the Order does cause harm and coerces people into their ranks, usually children or those that are more vulnerable and lack other options; and this is always true no matter how the hunter tries to justify it and convince themselves otherwise. all of the people and institutions in this game are complex, none of them are righteous, and they exist as they do because i have something i want to say-- all of these are choices i've intentionally made when writing this story.

and we're only on chapter 1 right now (and even before the rerelease, only on chapter 2), all of the characters need character development, none of their arcs have even started yet.

this story is supposed to make you Feel, big feelings and little feelings, my goal is for people to connect with the characters or at the very least just empathize with them and have a desire to see their stories through. i'm not out to trigger people but this game is intended to be a dark fantasy that explores heavier topics. i'm always open to discussing my thoughts behind certain characters/narrative choices and i will always welcome suggestions if you feel i need to add something to the content warning list, but i really don't like asks like this, and i'm not really sure how to respond as a stranger on the internet. you can either trust me and my intent as the author, or maybe it would be better to not continue with the story if that's what is best and safest for you. only you can know and make that choice, not me.

[vxnuslogy]

BLOG RULES/DNI

these rules are in place to ensure my comfort as well as my friends and followers. if you choose to not follow them, please know that i will block you.

⁰ ¹ DO NOT INTERACT IF  . . .

pro shippers (including ships like kaeluc), tolerate any form of discrimination, only here to be rude/hate, want to start unnecessary drama, you don’t have your age displayed in your profile. 

to add more onto this, i cannot control the media you consume nor the ages of people who interact with me, but i would prefer if those under the age of 13 or over the age of 23 do not interact with me (feel free to read and reblog, please just don’t send in asks or dms) 

also i am a minor and i dont like specifying my age, so please don’t ask me to give you a specific number. just know that i am NOT OF AGE.

⁰ ² MAIN RULES  . . .

I CURRENTLY DON’T TAKE REQUESTS. please respect my decision as i don’t think i’ll be able to write requests as of now. in the future, i do plan on opening them.

DON’T SPAM LIKE. please, please, please do not spam like as this can get me shadowbanned. my idea of spam liking is around 5+ posts. if you’d like to support me/show your appreciation for my works please reblog/comment instead.

PLEASE READ CONTENT WARNINGS! i always put content warnings on every work whether it be something like fluff, angst, and any triggering content so please read them. if i ever miss one, please don’t hesitate to tell me so i can fix it.

DON’T VENT/TRAUMA DUMP. be it in my asks or dms, if we are not close or hadn’t had that much interactions. 

DO NOT STEAL/COPY/TRANSLATE/REPOST MY WORKS ON OTHER PLATFORMS.

⁰ ³ ASK BOX RULES  . . .

i reply very slow to asks so please don’t take offense if i don’t answer it immediately (i have a bad habit of mentally replying to messages)

brainrots, random questions, jokes, etc. are very welcome! i love interacting with people who share the same interests as me. just please mind your manners and don’t ask very personal questions.

please do not send in requests if my requests are closed.

any form of hate will be deleted immediately.

⁰ ⁴ THINGS I WILL NOT WRITE FOR  . . .

anything nsfw/suggestive/yandere works. 

character x oc unless its for events or mutuals.

my works will always be in second person.

anything that makes the reader rude, racist, homophobic, etc.

⁰ ⁵ REGARDING UPDATES  . . .

i am very inconsistent with updates/posts. my inspiration/motivations are often random bursts and i only write whenever they appear.

please be patient. as much as i love writing, i have a life outside of it.

i write for me and burn out rather easily which leads to a lot of unfinished projects/works so keep this in mind.

⁰ ⁶ FANDOMS I WRITE FOR  . . . 

i write mainly for genshin impact and star rail. i will try to expand on what i write for (e.g. kn8, bllk, etc.) someday. for now these are the two fandoms i actively write for.

[compassionatereminders]

This is, I think, a vent post. Even though I want to beg anyone and everyone for answers to the impossible questions swirling in my crazy head.

I've been in a toxic living situation for a long time and my CPTSD near-constantly triggered. This year between escalating abuse and suicidality, I lashed out at nearly all my closest friends with years worth of built up resentments, causing them to end their friendships with me. All the hurt they've caused me is still playing in endless loops even months later, while all the love and help they gave me feel distant and vague. I don't know how much of my pain is valid and how much this is just my traumatized brain distorting everything. It doesn't help that this is a pattern of behaviour with me. I invalidate my feelings and internalise hurt until I'm at too much of a low point to fight them, lash out, and lose the relationship. Granted, some of them really did treat me shittily, but it's still a dysfunctional and destructive way to interact with people.

I know I should find a therapist, but they've consistently invalidated and traumatized me, and the last one was so bad she made my suicidality go turbo. But I can't help thinking this is all my fault for not trying harder to get help, even though it's hard to pencil that in between wanting to die and stressing about money. My OCD is insisting that I'm a terrible, toxic person who's dangerous to associate with and has no appreciation for anything my friends have done for me over the years.

I just feel torn apart. I'm so angry at my friends but I can't figure out whether I just inflated it all in my head. I think the correct answer is that I didn't deserve the way I hurt them but my feelings insist they did, because they hurt me for so long. I can't figure out why they ended our friendships just because I was angry at all the wrongs they did to me. I think this might not be true and I probably really did mess up. I think I'm making my feelings everyone else's responsibility.

I want to know the correct answer. I want to know whether I'm a bad person who's not worth helping or befriending. I think I probably am, because I hurt everyone who loved and helped me and I'm not even sorry. I think I'm in a lot of pain and being very unkind to myself, but who could be kind to someone so self-pitying and destructive that behaves like this?

I'm so tired of hurting people and being hurt. I feel like those are the only two options as long as I'm living like this, and I can't see a way out of this situation, so I'm never going to be a good, safe person worth loving.

The thing is, even IF your trauma/mental health issues caused toxic behavior in past relationships, this does in no way equal you being irreparably broken and not worth loving. All that this would mean is that there are some patterns you would need to be aware of and work on in future relationships

[bamfspock]

This is something that's become a huge issue for me as my medical conditions have progressed.

I'm semi-housebound. My ability to engage in interactions, and the world at large, is very limited. There are few times I can go anywhere w/o my wheelchair, and many times I can't go anywhere as intermittent vertigo and congitions issues simply make leaving the house unsafe. My diet is incredibly restricted. My life span will be 20 or so years shorter than it would be otherwise.

This means that when people talk about the future, about food, about activities, etc etc I generally have nothing to contribute to the conversation that won't sound depressing to others. When I do speak of it reactions involve sympathy or other reminders that what is normal for me makes others sad. It can stop a casual, upbeat conversation in it's tracks. When I use my fave coping mechanism - humor - to talk about these things, others either find it discomfiting or react with that same sympathy. When people *are* venting, even if I don't mention my reality when offering comfort the other person will often feel bad for feeling bad because they're reminded that I 'have it worse'.

As you can imagine, this can be really isolating, and compounds how isolated my health already makes me. If people are doing something that is inaccessible to me, I'll decline on the basis of being busy or fatigued because they feel bad when they realize they chose to do something I can't and didn't think of it (I run into this a lot with activities that revolve around food or drink - which a lot more do than I myself realized until I couldn't participate, e.g. eating out, holiday gatherings, meeting for a meal as part of a larger outing). I'm tired of having people always walking on eggshells around me, so I've ended up always doing it around others to avoid that.

It's a huge relief when people 'follow my lead' and treat what I say in the same way I do. If I make a joke related to my health, I love it when they approach it with humor of their own. When I state something in a matter-of-fact or casual manner and their tone matches, I feel like I can relax.

There are still of course times when *I'm* sad about it, or frustrated, or what have you, and when I express that I do appreciate words of comfort or encouragement (as long as they aren't along the lines of 'you can do it!' or 'maybe one day' or anything else that sounds positive but denies the truth of my experience). But feeling that way about my situation constantly is wearing. It just...feels bad. And so I go silent a lot, because when the people around me (which includes online interactions) react by feeling bad themselves...well, silence becomes preferable.

I say all this because I think sometimes the best way someone else can help someone whose life has been shaped my trauma (as mine has also been), illness, etc, is to approach it as that person does. Remember that, for them, it's a fact of life. It's their reality. And then treat it as such, rather than trauma dumping or Such An Unfortunate Thing.

Of course, if someone is *actually* venting that's different, and something we all need at times. Just because the content of the vent is of a particularly heavy variety doesn't diminish the struggles you feel, or require you to match that with equally 'heavy' expressions of your own feelings.

And of course, this isn't universal - everyone has different needs, and needs different things from their interpersonal relationships. Give and take isn't a one-to-one equation. For me, that's meant that just as I can't engage in the expressions of friendship most people think of when talking about what makes a good friend - I can't pick you up at the airport or help you move or even keep you company when you're going through something difficult - others can't show me friendship by including me in activities (though an invitation as a gesture is always appreciated) or baking something for me or even coming to visit (big energy zap). But when someone is hurting or recovering I can send a thoughtful gift, or even a card, and when I want to join in on the fun but vertigo prevents it they can offer me a ride, or text me photos of their pets when I'm hurting, or drop me a message with no expectation of response when I'm too ill to chat online so I know people think of me when I'm not there.

I've lost the thread a little here, but I hope this can maybe help someone better navigate their own relationships.

Having a traumatic childhood means you cannot talk even objectively about your basic foundational experiences without it being "venting", even if you're not actually venting. You just straight up have a huge chunk of your life you can't talk about, full stop, without it being trauma dumping.

And it not being socially acceptable to talk about your own childhood is super alienating. Sometimes people want to know why, and any answer you can give them is going to be off putting.

It's to the point I get irritated when something I said is framed as venting when I'm literally just talking about my life experiences, doing my best to keep emotion out of it.

[ohworm-writes]

BNA: Brand New Animal Relationship Headcanons!

bna masterlist

‼ General Dating Headcanons ‼

Featuring: Shirou Ogami, Michiru Kagemori, Nazuna Hiwatashi, Marie Itami, Pinga

Warnings: spoilers for BNA!, some angst amongst all of them, but mainly tooth-rotting fluff :,)

a/n - thank you for reading!!! BNA doesn’t have enough fanfiction content, so here you go!! i actually adore doing headcanons, so this was nice to be able to write!!! BNA is also my favorite/comfort anime soooooo I couldn't NOT write something for it!!! if you want to see more BNA related works, i’m definitely going to be open to writing them in the future!!! my requests open up next week, so drop one then if you’d like!!! thank you for reading <3

content below the cut!

shirou ogami

» wolf husband!!

» oh we all know he’s gonna be nervous when it comes to love

» he’s scared he can’t trust you at first

» it’s probably gonna stay that way until he gets comfortable with you

» which, albeit, takes quite a while

» but when he does?

» he’s all over you!!

» i like to think he’s a very cuddly person

» he doesn’t show it a lot though, but for you?

» he’ll let it slide

» he’s not one for extravagant gestures though

» so if you’re going on dates

» expect it to being either at his place, or something extremely simple

» i don’t think he’d be particularly for PDA

» but if someone were to flirt with you?

» he won’t be afraid to show them that you’re with him

» again, very cuddly

» he likes to be big spoon cause he wants to make you feel safe

» but he also likes to be held

» the memories of his comrades dying is a memory that’s painfully engraved into the very fibers of his being

» so please show him some love

» kisses!!!!

» oh he LOVES to smother you with kisses

» he’s very affectionate in private

» he just loves you so much!!!

» i like to think that michiru got the two of you together

» just like

» michiru: hey look at that beastman over there! they’re super pretty!!!!

» shirou: yeah, sure

» michiru: i’m going to go say hi

» shirou: w h a t

» also, going back to trauma-

» he doesn’t like to talk about it much

» it brings up bad memories

» so he won’t outwardly talk to you about it

» but if you want to console him?

» you’re one of the few people he can really trust and get vulnerable with

» VERYYYY LOYAL PARTNER

» he loves you, and is so scared of you leaving him

» he would never think about cheating on you (the best boy)

» maybe it ties in with him being a wolf beastman-

» shhhhhhhhhhhh

» very very very nervous to tell you that he’s the silver wolf

» he’s so scared you’re going to leave him or hate him or look at him different

» but the sweet kiss you give him when he tells you melts all of his worries away

» GIVE HIM PETS!!!!!!!!!!

» he’s embarrassed but he loves it!!!!!!!!

» his love language is quality time!!!!!!

» he just wants to spend time with you

» he’ll go out of his way to blow off unimportant things (like michiru-) just to be with you

» softie-

» but we love him <3

michiru kagemori

» AHHH MY SWEET GIRL!!!!

» i love her oh so much

» if she likes you, it’s obvious

» painfully so-

» she gets all flustered before you start dating whenever she talks with you

» tripping over her words

» making a fool of herself

» (somehow more than usual-)

» but when you express you like her back?

» you’re stuck with her

» loves cutesy dates!!

» you wanna just watch a movie???

» she’s got a pillow fort and a ton of snacks at the ready

» you wanna go for a walk?

» you’re dancing with her under the stars in the park

» she’s a sucker for that kind of stuff

» she loves showing you off too

» michiru: everyone, this is my partner, y/n, and they are the best person in the world

» y/n: michiru i-

» she absolutely introduces you to everyone like that

» she loves you too much not to express it!!!

» that leads me to her love language…

» words of affirmation!!!

» she’s going to tell you she loves you at any chance she gets

» and if you’re ever insecure?

» she’s your girl

» she’s also big on physical touch

» loves holding your hand out in public

» hugging you and peppering your face with kisses

» the whole lot!

» she’s such a goofball-

» she’d do something stupid just to make you laugh

» michiru: Y/N! I GREW WINGS! AM I GOING TO LAY AN EGG OR SOMETHING???

» when she first told you she wasn’t a real beastman, she was nervous

» but it all washes away when you hold her and tell her you love her no matter what

» she’d definitely cry at that

» she’s so grateful to have you

» and she would go to any extent just to make you happy

nazuna hiwatashi

» GOD SHE’S SO PRETTY I’M NOT EVEN GONNA LIE

» she’s a very caring partner

» when you first start dating though, she’s very nervous

» will you hate her for faking the silver wolf?

» or maybe because of her slightly dismissive behavior?

» but when you decide to stay? she know’s shes in love

» her love language is touch!

» she always wants to be touching you

» she’s not the best at expressing her love or gratitude through words

» so she lets the soft caresses, forehead kisses, and cuddles do it for her!

» oh i can imagine her being a cuddle bug

» just holding you while the two of you fall asleep

» or you holding her!

» she adores just being able to be near you

» when she introduces you to michiru

» it’s chaos

» y/n: in my defense, I was left unsupervised

» nazuna: wasn't michiru with you?

» michiru: in my defense, I was also left unsupervised

» just being absolute idiots together

» back to nazuna though…

» she gets jealous easily!!!

» you can’t change my mind

» if she thinks you’re giving someone too much attention

» she won’t be afraid to just come in and hug you until you pay attention to her

» it’s adorable

» with the church of the silver wolf tho…

» you probably met AFTER that was all said and done

» she doesn’t really have followers anymore

» and a few beastman still hold a grudge against her

» she gets insecure because of it

» make sure to tell her that you love her for her

» she really needs to hear it

» oh! she loves any romantic gestures

» fancy dates? walks in the park? sign her up!

» she loves too much not to show it

marie itami

» crime weasel

» cbhmasbbchasb okay but seriously i love her

» i like to think that she’s sly with her flirting

» but if you flirt back?

» she’s a flustered mess

» she lovesssss pet names

» she particularly likes using “baby”, “love”, “sweetheart”, and “hun”

» loves if you use some back

» her love language? acts of service

» she loves to help you with small tasks

» opening the door for you? absolutely. grabbing the remote for you? of course!

» she wants you to know she loves you, but mainly in smaller gestures

» not as much of a cuddle bug as the rest, but definitely appreciates it

» she’d never turn you down for hugs or pecks

» any time she has by herself, she wants to spend it with you

» her dates aren’t extravagant though

» cuddling on the couch and watching a movie are her specialty

» i like to think that she usually falls asleep after you

» she’ll talk with you until you eventually fall asleep

» it’s more of a protective thing if anything

» she wants to make sure that you’re okay before she rests

» she loves you so so so much

» you’re the only person she’s allowed herself to be vulnerable with

» she has her own insecurities yes, but she tends to bottle them up

» she doesn’t want to bother you

» she’s better at listening and giving advice than venting it out

» it’s not your fault, she’s just not very keen to it

» she likes to keep your relationship more private than anything

» her job is… not normal, and she doesn’t want to eventually end up making the wrong people mad and get you hurt

» so PDA is kept to a minimum

» but she’ll always make up for that in private

» telling you how much she loves and appreciates you being with her

» she doubts your relationship sometimes, thinking that you deserve better

» tell her you love her

» that you really love her

» and her heart is yours

pingua

» your honor

» i love him

» oh my goodness his love language is totally gift giving

» 100%

» you cannot change my mind

» if you look at something in a store for more than 3 seconds

» expect it to be in your possession by the next day

» he won’t say he did it

» but he totally did it

» taking you on flights???

» yes pLEASE!!!!

» he loves showing you the world from his eyes

» and adores it if you love it as much as he does

» wing hugssssss

» imagine him just draping his wings around you while you guys cuddle

» my heart-

» wait, here me out-

» y/n: mcdonalds! mcdonalds! mcdonalds!

» pingua: mcdonalds! mcdonalds! mcdonalds!

» HE WOULD THOUGH AND YOU CAN’T CHANGE MY MIND

» not afraid to get vulnerable with you

» he’ll talk about his comrades and the stupid regulations with ease

» yes, it’s a tough subject

» but you have to talk about difficult things to get through them

» he has nightmares because of it

» he wakes up in cold sweats sometimes, those images ingrained into his head

» hold him

» please

» tell him that you’re here and you’re not going anywhere

» give him kisses and help him ride it out

» aside for that, another goofball

» loves, and i mean LOVES making you smile

» also a HUGE flirt

» he’s cocky about it too

» pingua: aside from being adorable, what do you do for a living?

» y/n, dying: cjsdbivcbhshdkcjbakjcbhsadbmc

» another one who loves romantic gestures

» i like to think that he’s quite the gentleman

» restaurant dates and dancing are right up his alley

» but dear god he loves you so much

» he has no clue where he’d be without you in his life

[gogglor]

Cap-Ironman RecWeek: Tropey Tuesday

Over the past year my pandemic brain decided it would produce happy chemicals exclusively by reading and writing Stony fanfiction. On the advice of counsel, I decided to take my happy chemicals where I could get’em. And the result is that I’ve had the tremendous pleasure of reading some absolutely incredible works of art by some immensely talented people. And since it’s @cap-ironman RecWeek, I figured this is as good of an excuse as any to make some posts recommending my favs (and try to keep self-recs to a minimum, but I’m only human).

I skipped Multiverse Monday since I’m still not well-versed enough in the multiverse to talk about it with any kind of recommendational authority, but today is Tropey Tuesday, and so I would like to share some fics from my all-time-favorite, major-reason-I-bother-with-the-MCU, gets-me-every-time trope:

Found Family

And so, without further ado, here are some Found Family Stony fics that I simply adore.

Avengers Family Ficlets

Author: elwenyere

Word Count: 8,548

Summary: “You built a neural network that analyzes squash,” Bruce said flatly, “and you attached it to a laser.” A collection of short stories set in the extended Domestic Avengers Universe.

Why You Should Read It:

Thing number one that you should understand about me is that I would be perfectly happy with a story about body-less entities making funny quips at each other in  a featureless void, and anything else is just a bonus. Elwenyere’s stories consistently get the banter down so unbelievably, ridiculously well that when you find out they also have heart, creativity, well-developed characters, and so much damn feeling in them, it feels like an embarrassment of riches.

Go read all of their stuff, please, but this one’s a great place to start. It’s got everything you could possibly want in a fic: over-competitive pumpkin carving, emotional hospital confessions, Christmas decorations that come to life and attack people, crab dip, Steve Rogers accidentally ruining Thanksgiving through the sheer power of his own snark, and most importantly, a bunch of human disasters that somehow make a beautiful family together.

Executive Party

Author: copperbadge

Word Count: 3,228

Summary: Tony's terrible December is suddenly looking up.

Why You Should Read It:

Copperbadge is another author where you should read everything they’ve put out there. They’ve got this phenomenally creative mind that manages to consistently draw out deeply human stories that can kinda catch you off-guard in the places they find touching moments. You might’ve heard of their very popular Foodieverse, which is an incredibly creative AU with the Avengers in the food service industry, but this is the one I come to whenever I’m looking to indulge in my favorite trope.

Tony’s looking forward to spending the night before SI breaks for Christmas doing paperwork. Steve gets the Avengers to have an impromptu video game Christmas Party in his office instead. Cb’s also got a gift for banter (I have a type when it comes to writers, ok?), and the little details like Steve’s carnage record on GTA, Natasha’s Russian appreciation for country music, and Steve’s SHIELD break-up mixtape make it just a goddamn delight to read.

patchwork people

Author: itsAllAvengers

Word Count: 28,247

Summary: It was a pretty well-known fact that Tony Stark had control issues.It was far less well-known why, though.

CW: Past abuse and non-con (not by main pairing)

Why You Should Read It:

If you’re the kind of person who regularly thinks to themself “You know what Tony Stark needs? More trauma,” then this is the fic  for you.

Tony’s got some serious trust issues and PTSD thanks to some shitty, shitty exes. This is the story about how Tony learns to trust again, Avenger by Avenger, in his new Found Family. Come for the Whump, stay for the found family insomnia infomercial parties and Steve Rogers getting arrested for enacting some sweet, sweet karmic justice.

And now we get into a sub-genre of Found Family that is also a huge weakness of mine: Tony thinks he’s only tolerated instead of wanted, and his found family convinces him otherwise.

Some Things Shouldn’t Be a Chore

Author: scifigrl47

Word Count: 22,187

Summary: Steve takes things like personal responsibility and respect seriously. Tony's got people he pays to take care of that kind of thing, and anyway, he's pretty sure that he's going to die of some exotic disease in his workshop, because Dummy's still a little spotty about what is 'clean' enough to put on an open wound.  The rest of the Avengers are in this for personal gain, except for Clint, he just enjoys being a dick. And some things shouldn't be a chore.

Why You Should Read It:

Honestly it feels a bit like cheating to recommend the first work in scifigrl47′s tremendously popular Toasterverse, since I’m pretty sure a lot of people who don’t even like or regularly read fanfiction have liked this one, even indirectly. Sci is so ludicrously good at building an engaging, creative, character-driven universe that this series is responsible for most of the fanon you know and love about MCU fanfics. Tony’s bot Butterfingers? Sci made him up for this story. Thor’s love of Pop Tarts? Clint the vent goblin? All sci. They’re just that damn good at world-building.

In this fic, the Avengers try out a chore chart. Hilarity and feels ensue. I don’t want to say anymore and risk spoiling it because if you’ve managed to get far enough in Stony fanfiction to read this post and haven’t yet read the Toasterverse, I want to keep the experience pristine for you to enjoy. Please read this. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll reserve a hypothetical genie wish to make this series the actually canon MCU (God knows I have).

Hold the Things You Wanna Say

Author: SailorChibi

Word Count: 6,316

Summary: Tony is still a consultant, and between SI, the team and SHIELD he's overworked and exhausted. That's okay. He and Steve have been having sex for weeks but that's all it is, just sex, and Tony wants more but he'll never get it and that's okay. Really. What's not okay is the fact that Howard Stark has somehow appeared in the future and is the same as always. This is definitely going to fuck up his schedule.

CW: Abuse, Howard Stark’s A+ Parenting

Why You Should Read It:

SailorChibi’s one of those authors I’ve been meaning to get around to reading all their stuff for, but it’s tricky when you have a short attention span and an author that is just so damn prolific. They’re a multi-fandom maven consistently putting out some really great stuff, and they’re absolutely worth checking out.

This story’s a real yank on the heartstrings, and as someone who can really identify with Tony’s fear of failing the people he cares about, the point in the story where he reaches his low is just unbelievably poignant. But the warmth and the wholesomeness of the end made my heart grow three sizes the day I read it. And the love that all these idiots have for each other is just so damn palpable in this story, it damn near made me cry.

Irreplaceable

Author: Orphan Account :(

Word Count: 4,952

Summary: There are obvious downsides to being the only member of the Avengers who is not a super soldier, a god, or a super assassin, and does not Hulk out when aggravated. The most obvious one is that when villains want bait, they've got a go-to guy. Tony already knew Mondays sucked. He did not need his opinion reinforced this way.

Why You Should Read It:

It’s such a bummer I can’t plunder this author’s other works because I love this one so much!

Tony gets kidnapped and says a lot of self-deprecating things that, unbeknownst to him, are projected on a live feed to the Avengers. They rescue him and have some opinions about how easily he could be replaced. This story’s got Tony hiding from feelings like an idiot, Steve manually carrying Tony somewhere the Avengers can say nice things about him, and a lot of feels.

That’s it for today! Tune in tomorrow for some AU recs!

[staticscreenwriting]

Skin deep - Chapter One || B.H.

Synopsis: Billy survived the battle of Starcourt but is left with a body full of scars. Scars that remind him of the pain he had to go trough and the horrible person he has become. In order to forget about all of that and move on, he wants to get them covered up. Good thing Hawkins has a brand new Tattoo studio and the girl who works there might just be the help Billy has been looking for.

A/N: I needed a TattooArtist!Reader x Billy story so I wrote one and you know me, I can’t keep it short and simple. There will be several parts to this. Don’t ask me about an updating schedule because I don’t have one. I try my best to be consistent but I make no promises. Likes, reblogs, comments are all much appreciated. 

[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.]

Billy’s palms are clammy as he steps out of his car. His eyes wander towards the sign hanging above the door, welcoming him to “Little Bear Tattoos” as an American traditional bear face grins back at him.

This isn’t his first time getting a tattoo, by all means, he shouldn’t be as nervous as he is. But things are different now. Everything is different. Things change after you almost die because you sacrificed yourself to an otherworldly creature to save a little girl.

He had just turned 18 when he got that stupid little skull inked onto his arm. That’s now just a little over a year ago but it seems like a lifetime has passed since then. Sometimes, Billy thinks, sometimes It feels like that was another person altogether. That dumb little boy who thought he knew shit. The one that paraded his tattoo around like a complete and utter douchebag. He thought it made him look rough and cool and dangerous.

In retrospect, it just made it more obvious that he didn’t know shit about anything. Not life. Not death. And most definitely not about what it means to look rough and cool and dangerous. Sometimes he wishes he could go back to that moment and just relish in ignorant bliss. Most of the time he tries not to think of the past though because thinking of the past means thinking of all the things lost that night in July. Most of all himself.

Back then, getting a tattoo was easy. Now, it feels like the entire world is resting on his shoulders. It feels like he can barely keep it all from crashing down on him. 

The bell above the door chimes as he steps inside the tattoo parlor. It’s a relatively small shop but it looks clean and the walls are covered in framed drawings of very intricate designs. If those have been drawn by this place’s artist, he’s in good hands.

A fluffy little brown dog is lazily resting on a pillow by the shop window and only raises his head as the sound of footsteps approaching fills the room.

“ Hi, welcome to little bear. “ a cheery voice calls out to him as a girl steps out from behind a curtain leading to some backroom. She has a big radiant smile on her face though it exudes a certain warmth that only genuine smiles do. 

“ Hi uh — I was wondering if you have a free spot. “ 

“ Hmm… that depends. What are you wanting to get? “ 

To be quite honest, he hadn’t really thought much about it. All he wanted was something to cover up the ugly scars still streaking most of his body. When before, he felt a certain kind of pride whenever he passed a mirror, now it sends a sharp pain straight to his heart. Everything about him, from the perpetually tired look in his eyes to the scars, it’s al a reminder of the bad things he’s done. And the worst part is that he can never talk to anyone about it. Ever. No one will understand but the people who’ve been there, and though he and Max are getting along much better now, he still doesn’t fancy having long profound conversations with her about his demons.

“ I uh — I’m not sure but it needs to cover something.” 

“ Old tattoo? “ 

Billy swallows audibly “scars.” 

He’s not sure what reaction he’s expected from her but a casual “Okay, we can figure something out. “ is not it. Though he avoids wearing short sleeves these days, whenever someone manages to catch a glimpse of his damaged skin he got 1 of two reactions. Either people started regarding him with pity or disgust and he honestly wasn’t sure which was worse. At least those disgusted by him left him well enough alone and didn’t hold a million questions they expected him to answer in great detail.

“ Let’s sit down and we can talk about some things you like and see how we can incorporate those into a tattoo. Also, I would have to take a look at the area you want me to tattoo and see how bad the scarring is just so I can take that into consideration when designing the piece. Scar tissue is harder to tattoo but don’t worry, I promise I can do it. “

“ You’re gonna be tattooing me? “

It seems like a dumb question but honestly, Billy hasn’t met or seen that many female tattoo artists in his life and this girl seems to be about his age. That’s not something you see every day.

“ Yup. I’m (Y/N), this is my shop. Now, do you want something to drink while we discuss the piece? I got all kinds of sodas, I got water and I got non-alcoholic beer. 

“ Dr. Pepper? “ 

“ Good choice. Coming right up. “ 

She walks behind the counter with the cash register and reaches into a small fridge taking out two cans of Dr. Pepper before leading him towards a little seating area by the window. 

The fluffy little dog lifts his head once again regarding the two of them with only mild interest before plopping back down. 

“ Oh, you okay with dogs? I can take him to another room if you’re uncomfortable. “

Billy shakes his head. Nah, he loves dogs. Always wanted one but Neil, being the miserable bastard he is, never allowed the kids to have any pets. Too much work, too much responsibility. What an asshole. 

Though Billy is never going to admit it, the bedside drawer, that was once filled with issues of Penthouse magazine, now holds a bunch of self-help books and magazines dealing with topics of PTSD and trauma. A lot of them mention getting a support animal whether that be a specially trained dog or just a hamster to keep you company. It makes sense, it gives you someone who listens to you vent about all your problems and insecurities. If only his dad cared enough about his mental state to reconsider his stance on pets. Then again, when has Neil ever cared about him?

“Nah, it’s fine don’t worry. He’s cute.”

“Thanks. His name is Bear and he’s kind of the mascot of this store.”

There’s a twinkle of pride in her eyes while she talks about the shop and her dog. Something Billy is infinitely envious of. Everything he’s ever felt any hint of pride in is gone. His car. His looks. All of it.

“Okay so tell me a little about yourself. Is there anything you can think of that you’d like to get inked? Any interests, hobbies? Maybe you wanna tell me a little about yourself.”

Back before, when things were different, Billy would’ve packed as much ego enlarging words and compliments into it as possible. Would’ve mentioned his car and his most satisfactory performance skills in the bedroom. But now, he hardly knows who he is these days. 

“ Um … my name is Billy. I’m 19, I’m from California. ‘Bout two years ago my dad packed us all up and had us move out here to the end of the world. Then … things happened.”

“You miss California?”

“Every day. The thought of going back one day is the only thing that keeps me fucking going. I miss the ocean. I miss surfing. I miss home. I miss all of it.”

She looks at him intensely for a moment, sizing him up, contemplating her next words. He can almost see the creative gears running in her head. 

“Alright. I might have an idea. I’d have to see the area first though.”

He expects pity in her voice though there is none. Her words are comforting and warm and calm. Billy wonders how often she has to deal with clients like him. Those who come to her with painful and ugly reminders of their past.

His hands are shaking as he pulls off his denim jacket and reveals his left arm to her. The skin is streaked with scars. They’re the same paths that used to wind up and down his arm in inky black hues like poisonous vines. Now they’re a faded pink but that doesn’t mean he hates them any less.

Billy can feel his heart beating in a fast rhythm as anxiety floods his system. Maybe this was a bad idea, maybe -

“Okay how big would you want to go,” (Y/N) asks, her voice gentle and soothing and her eyes switching from his arm to his eyes. She doesn’t ask him what happened and that’s a relief.

“As big as you can. I know you can’t make it disappear but I’d like as much of it covered as possible.”

“ I won’t be able to do an entire sleeve today but if that’s something you want we can start with a bigger piece on your upper arm today and then work our way to a full sleeve in the future?”

“Sounds good. I just want the scars gone. I need them covered.”

“Well my guy, you’ve come to the right place. It’s my specialty. You’re in luck too, I’m free all day so depending on your pain tolerance and the trauma of your skin, we might even be able to finish the first piece today.”

Pain tolerance, he wants to scoff at that. What he’s been through, the pain and the anguish and the emotional trauma, nothing will ever compare to that. Not even close. He’d get a 100 tattoos all at once and it still wouldn’t measure up.

“Alright, let’s do it.”

“Cool awesome! Imma go over to the drawing board and you can feel free to keep yourself entertained in the meantime. We have an arcade machine in the back. There’s records in the corner if you want to listen to some music. I’ll even let you choose.”

“Is that an honor?” Billy asks, a small smirk on his face. Every once in awhile a flicker of the person he used to be shines through. But then it’s gone and he’s left as this shadow of his former self.

“Oh you have no idea.”

As (Y/N) settles behind a big wooden table and starts scribbling away, Billy wanders over towards the corner of the studio. A bright red record player is resting on a sideboard surrounded by several boxes filled with vinyl records. They’re sorted by band name then chronologically. There’s all kinds of genres too. AC/DC and Judas Priest but also Stuff like The Mamas and the Papas and the Monkees.

“Anything, in particular, you wanna listen to? Kinda hard to make out your taste with this selection. There’s … everything.” Billy calls out to her, leaving through the records.

“What can I say? I like a bit of everything. Don’t like to limit myself.”

Old Billy would’ve raised his eyebrow and asked her if that extends to her love life as well. But old Billy is gone and so he keeps his mouth shut.

“I know it seems like just your kinda music, but maybe stay away from the hard rock. Maybe something a bit more mellow.”

He hasn’t really listened to a lot of music since … well since everything. He mostly sleeps or reads and sometimes when it’s a good day he even attempts to do a bit of writing. It’s nothing spectacular but it’s - something. An outlet really. The stories vary from an autobiographical retelling of the incident to silly tales of young boys going on space adventures. It's a way to get lost in the save parts of his mind. The ones that can create make-believe worlds and happy thoughts. Not the ones tainted with gruesome images of the past.

The opening notes the Monday Morning by Fleetwood Mac fill the air and Billy doesn’t miss the smile tugging on the corner of (Y/N)’s lips. 

“Nice. Didn’t really think you were a Fleetwood Mac fan.”

Billy shrugs his shoulders casually “they’re a classic.”

He sits back down in the seat by the window, watches as the clouds pass the sky and the people go about their day. That’s until a furry little ball of fluff settles down in his lap and demands to be cuddled.

“Oh hey, you.”

“Sorry about that. Bear does not understand the concept of personal boundaries. He thinks everyone is only here to pet him. If he bothers you just set him down.”

But he doesn’t mind one bit. In fact, combing his fingers through the curly brown fur fills Billy with a sense of calm and it grounds him a little. He really needs to adopt a dog for himself. 

“It’s fine. No bother.”

Time passes with Billy cuddling the dog and ever so often glancing over at (Y/N) while she’s working on the sketch. She’s drawing then erasing then redrawing. Copying then throwing it away then doing it all again. All the while she’s dancing along to the music. There’s a lightness about her that Billy wishes he could possess. Even before the Stacourt situation, he never had this unbothered lightness about him. That’s just not the person you turn into when you grow up in a house with Neil Hargrove.

A light drizzle falls outside and Stevie Nicks sings along to it and life feels … almost peaceful right then. Billy lives for these small moments of normality. These glimmers of what life used to be. 

“Okay, I’m ready. Wanna have a look?” 

There’s a bright smile on her face as she looks at him and waves the sketch around. “I think I nailed this one. I hope you’ll like it.“

Billy can see that she actually means it. It's not just a silly phrase she’s tagged onto her sentence. She’s genuinely nervous for him to see it.

Bear follows Billy as he walks toward the counter, a smiley (Y/N) watching their every move. There’s something about how passionate she is about her work that makes Billy both happy and sad. There used to be things in life that he was passionate about. His car. His clothes. The music he loved. Now it’s all dull and trivial and he’s lost. So damn lost.

His eyes wander towards the sheet of paper. Delicate black lines run across the page, swirling and arching and creating a beautiful composition. It’s a lighthouse. A tall and sturdy one. It shines it’s light out into the distance to guide the ships safely around the sharp edges of the cliffs. It’s a beacon of safety and hope surrounded by the rough sea and crashing waves.

“I thought it was a nice symbol, you know. Light in the dark. Guiding ships to safety.” (Y/N) explains. She’s biting her lip nervously and Billy thinks it’s insanely adorable. This piece is perfect, to think she’s uncertain and nervous about his reaction …

“I tried to incorporate the ocean and the crashing waves. You know, as a reminder of your life in California.”

Billy is speechless for a moment. Everything he wanted. All the ideas swirling around in his head. She put it down on paper, made them visible. And he didn’t even have to voice them. They were all just mushy gray clouds in his head, non forming a coherent picture. Just a feeling. A feeling of peace and belonging. Of being strong when everything around you tries to push you down to your knees.

“Do you like it? I can change it if you —“ 

“I love it!”

Her mood immediately changes after hearing those words. As if a switch is suddenly flipped and sunshine floods her face. Her eyes light up and her smile widens.

“Okay perfect! Wanna get started?” 

“Sure, let’s do it!”

The black leather chair is soft underneath him as (Y/N) puts the stencil onto his skin. She has a soft gentle touch which only matches the tone of her voice. Very calming. A complete opposite to the rest of Billy’s life.

“Okay, so it’s not gonna be pleasant since I have to tattoo over scar tissue. If you wanna tap out or take a break just let me know.”

He’s fairly sure that whatever pain he’ll have to endure, it will be nothing compared to what he’s already been through. Pain has a completely different meaning to him now. 

“I’ll be fine.”

And he means it. Not just about the tattoo, about everything. It feels like this is the first step into a new life. One that won’t be determined by his past mistakes. By the trauma.

The buzzing sound of the tattoo gun fills the air and (Y/N) starts pulling the first few lines. Short strokes. As if to test his pain tolerance. Her eyes wander up to meet his, a silent question shining through them.

He grants her a nod. One of pure determination. One that says, without question: “I’ll be fine!”

For a while, they sit in comfortable silence. There’s just the humming of the machine and the raspy voice of Stevie Nicks to lull them into a soft tranquility. 

“ I’m not gonna ask about the scars but can I ask about the skull on the other arm?”

Billy lets out a mix between a laugh and a scoff. “Sins of my youth really.”

“ Oh geez, that makes you sound so old. You’re what, 19?”

“ Almost 20.”

“ See. You’re still in the prime of your youth!”

Billy shrugs his shoulder as she dips the tattoo gun back into the ink. Truthfully, it doesn’t feel like he’s in the middle of his youth. He feels so damn tired. He never got to be a kid. Never got to be a teen. Always wandering in between it all, lost and disillusioned with no one there to guide or help him.

“ How old are you?”

“ Just turned 20 a few days ago.”

“And you already have your own shop. That’s impressive.”

“Yeah well, it’s all I ever wanted to be. Worked my ass off. Spent all my free time at my cousin's tattoo studio up in Carmel. He taught me everything I know. Worked after school and on the weekends and then when I graduated my cousin gave me a little loan and I had enough to open the shop. He believed in me when no one else did and it means everything to me. Hope I make him proud. I just always felt like this is what I'm meant to be. An artist. And this way my art gets immortalized on people’s skin and in some cases it can help them overcome difficult times in their lives. I hope I can make even the smallest change in people’s lives. “

It doesn’t get lost on him, that she doesn’t mention her parents. Something must be up there but it sure as hell isn’t his place to ask about it. Families, he knows quite well, can be a touchy subject.

“Well, you’re definitely making a change in mine.”

“Yeah?”

She looks almost bashful as the question tumble from her lips.

“Yup. I … I need to make those scars disappear. They — they remind me of the worst time in my life and of a version of myself I never want to be again. Having you cover them for me with this art piece that’s so fucking cool, it means everything.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“You should be proud of yourself.”

There’s a connection there, one he can neither grasp nor explain. It’s like she understands parts of him he doesn’t even put on display. And it’s both scary and exciting. And maybe, he understands parts of her she’s not aware she’s putting on display either.

“Okay. I’m done!”

There’s an infinite sense of pride exuding from her words. Billy wishes there was something in his life that he was good at. Something to let him be proud of himself.

“Wanna take a look?” (Y/N) asks with the most radiant smile playing on her face.

“Absolutely!”

His legs are stiff from sitting in the chair for so long but he can’t wait to see the finished piece. Slowly he walks towards the full-length mirror, (Y/N) hot on his heels.

His eyes fall onto the artwork now permanently inked into his skin. There are vibrant shades of blue and dark black lines. The sea is alive, it’s unforgiving and rough. But there’s the light from the lighthouse, the hope, the safety. It’s all there’s and it’s beautiful. Where there used to be ugly pink scars thick and burning, there’s now a beautiful painting. The scars are gone. The pain is gone. All that’s left is beauty and hope.

He doesn’t realize that tears are running down his cheek until she hands him a tissue. His first reaction is to wipe them away and pretend they weren’t there in the first place. A Hargrove man isn’t allowed to cry. Not in front of people anyway. Especially not in front of women. Hargrove men are bitter and numb. They’re stoic. Silent. Angry. Above all they’re sad.

But isn’t that the person he wants to leave behind?

So he lets himself feel it. Lets the tears fall as if it were nothing. 

Maybe this can be the next step into becoming the person he wishes so desperately he can be.

“I take it you like it?”

“I love it.”

And he hugs her. Pulls her close and tight as if he’s known her forever. She reciprocates the hug in no time. Softly oats him on the shoulder.

She smells like flowery perfume and clean cotton. Soft. Sweet. Intoxicating

“I can not thank you enough.”

“Billy, trust me this means as much to me as it does to you.”

He doesn’t disagree with her but he’s sure that’s not true. It means everything to him.

They talk for a little longer then he pays her, way too little if you ask him. She deserves way more and he suspects that some kind of personal sympathy plays into the price. But he’s not one to argue. Not when he’s sure he’ll come back. There are more scars. More pain. He’s not fixed but he’s at least a work in progress now.

She takes a few Polaroids of his tattoo, to put on her wall. To show people she can cover scars. Can help them. Help fix them. Make them feel less broken. 

“They’re burn scars.”

Billy finds himself sharing a piece of his story. One he’s kept so close to him, sometimes he almost wondered if it was true. But it is. And there are more reminders all over his body. It feels right to share it though. She helped him cover part of it, without judging. Without questions. She deserves to know.

“Huh?”

“My scars. They are burn scars.  Not — not from the outside but from the inside. Like fire going through my veins. I uh don’t know how to explain but that’s what they are. You can tell that to your clients. That you covered burn scars. That you’re that talented. “

For a moment she just stares at him, a deep sense of affection shining from her eyes. It’s comforting and nerve-wracking all at once. But he lets himself feel it. He promises himself to let himself feel the good things even if they seem scary.

“That’s … hey, would you like to grab some dinner with me? I could really go for a burger at the diner round here. It’s real good. “

And with the way she smiles, how the hell is he supposed to say no to that.

“Sounds good to me. Lead the way!”

The sun hangs low above the horizon almost dips behind the line to vanish and make room for the moon but not quite yet. They step out into the dawn, Bear pattering alongside them his leash grabbed tightly in (Y/N) hand. 

As hues of red and pink and orange surround them and dip the world into a golden haze, Billy feels like maybe this is the way. Maybe this is his path leading into a new future. With less pain. Fewer scars. More color and more smiles.

And maybe a beautiful and talented girl and a little dog by his side.

[plutoswrath]

i’m sorry to annoy you with this again. i just look up to your kpop mixed with astrology content. but lucas’s neptune contact with his mc is going to annoy the shit out of me until this is fixed. the cloudiness that neptune brings to his public image is something that i think possibly fuels these situations further. false accusations and mixed perceptions based off of them is exactly what makes these scandals to continue on and on. and i’m sick of it. both sides ignore what the other is saying and it gets nowhere. neptune, the malefic bastard.

Hello! I saw your recent asks and I appreciate your words regarding my content, thank you so much for the kind words! <3

I will touch on astrolgy under the cut, but before this happens, I want to leave a few words. There's a reason why I didn't answer the previous questions I received (not only yours op) regarding the Lucas situation so far. For several reasons I didn't want to feed into any sort of (perceived) sensationalism in regards to the Lucas situation, even though I'd really love to look at the situation from an astrological point of view. That people are divided on this topic is to be expected, but I think the way it has been handled by majority so far is very bad. I really want to elaborate on my reasoning why we should rethink the way we talk about/represent the Lucas situation right now, but as this topic is very kpop specific everything will be under the cut.

My reasoning for avoiding any questions about it until now:

1. People already don't take the situation seriously enough: Regardless of what your standpoint is, I'd like for people to consider looking at it from a more critical point of view for a second: The allegations are not about him being exposed as ‘just a f-boy’ as some people make it out to be, they are more serious than that. Lucas allegedly manipulated and used these women for his own emotional/sexual/financial needs and ego boost. The fact that he has money and allegedly still used other people to provide financially for him just demonstrates the power play underneath it all. He abused his position of power as an idol, the power dynamics between him and fans who idolize him are plain and simple just completely off. Please think about the fact, that he allegedly decided who to date on at fansigns. This alone gives no security to any fans that want to attend fansigns in the future. TW SV: he also talked one of these women into having sex with him + doing it unprotected, which is not only emotionally/sexually manipulative/coercive and can possibly be traumatic for them but also heightens the risk for transfering STD's as END TW he was supposedly seeing people at the same time/cheating. In general, the behavior he gets accused of leaves trauma and is abuse, to be more specific abuse of power on multiple levels and his social position makes it just easier to continue abusing that power. As you've mentioned yourself op, there is a huge back and forth about the allegations, and I know people like to take situations like the one of Taeyong as an example to justify that not every public apology is real and that allegations turn out to be false years later, but I believe it's different this time and that the allegations that came forward were real. Even his cbar closed, a fanbase that works closely with Label V (!), that alone shows that there is 'at least' some truth to the story, or else his hardcore fanbase wouldn't have decided to turn their back on him in matters of just days. Also, all the 'jokes' and the portrayal of 'juicy gossip' people make about the situation just downplays and ridicules the possible traumatic experiences of the people that were hurt by his actions. If anyone decides to not believe these allegations until SM gives a more specific statement, that's fine, but please do so without making fun of the people who were victims of his behavior, as there is already little to no sympathy for them online. It makes it just way harder for any survivors in the future to speak out on their experience. People say it's 'nothing illegal, just morally wrong' but given the fact that he is also a person in power, the line between 'just' morally wrong and illegal can be very thin in some cases. And please overthink arguments such as: 'this is typical boy behavior for someone in his 20's'/ 'he's just an f-boy' or 'boys will be boys' because they are deeply misogynistic and we shouldn't normalize behavior like that, thus making the root of the problem actually way deeper than most people think.

2. WayV's future: This mainly goes for people who are fans of WayV. I know not everyone probably likes to hear this, but another thing why wild speculations, sensationalism or even possible defence about this situation should be kept on the low is WayV's career. I want to be honest here, but I'm scared for their future, their comeback for october has been cancelled for now and they are put on a hiatus for several months as far as I know. They were on a good path of gaining more and more recognition and establishing themselves even better as a c-pop group, but now Luca's reputation in China (their target audience) is as good as gone and that pulls all of WayV down to rock bottom with him. People really need to try seeing the story out of the eyes of the korean and especially chinese fans as well, their perception of the allegations (especially after the Kris Wu situation!) are way different and more serious than the ones of i-fans and i-fans have to accept that. Also, we all know how companies (especially SM) handle these type of situations: keep the people on the low till the storm has calmed down. But will the storm ever calm down for Lucas when his public image is basically destroyed, and thus WayV as well? What I want people to understand is that this whole situation affects WayV and their career directly, actually on the biggest scale possible. All the work so far is at risk to be for good and I think a lot of fans tend to forget that, things look especially critical for HenXiaoYanKun if WayV would be to continue/redebute/fall apart. It doesn't matter if Lucas talking bad about the members/the companies/shows he works with/for was real or not in the end, because unfortunately damage is already done, WayV's image (WayV= family) is already tarnished and WayV as a group will suffer from this. You summed it up with malefic Neptune the best actually: We all don't know the full confirmed truth about the situation and will most likely never know it. (small astro insight here as well, but part of Neptune is to accept fantasy for what it is: fantasy, and thus turn to cold reality when you're in too deep)

3. What O'd advice the fandom to do right now: Regardless of your opinion on the situation, what we as a fandom can do best right now is staying on the low, wait things out, and stop adding more fire to the situation with our actions and wait how the situation actually developes, since a) we can not fasten the process and b) a lot of rumors, false information and unnecessary details get exposed to mudd the waters and to discredit the statement of the victims as well. I've seen some strong reactions from both sides, but as someone who's a big fan of nct in general I really just want to say that part of the fandom throwing a fit on the internet leads basically to nothing, it actually only reflects even worse on nctzens/weshennies and thus on WayV's (and also NCT as whole) image as well. Things right now are handled internal, not extern. Whatever gets through to the public will be half of the story anyway. A lot of people seem to forget, that we talk about SM and all they care for right now is saving themselves economically (think about the domino effect this situation has on the whole group/company), so we will have to see what their final decision is going to be, if anything will happen at all. For now, be patient, wait and see. Last words: It's okay to feel hurt/confused/angry/drained. Even though most of us are aware that we dont know any celebrity's character, it's still hard to swallow and to digest because you were a fan of that artist. Let it take time and vent. Take a break from it if it gets too much! Talking about it to process your emotions better is okay and very valid, but keep in mind that you should not worsen the situation by doing so - it's already absolute chaos.

Also: This statement is by no means a direct attack to anyone or me trying to push my opinion onto you, just my two cents in how to handle the situation best right now, because our hands are basically tied. Also: agree to disagree. If you don't like that I side with the victims (unless there is an official statement that Lucas is proven not guilty, which I doubt, unfortunately) then so be it, but don't start a war in my inbox for our opinions differing.

-------

Now, to astrology:

Disclaimer: This analysis will not be very light-hearted, but remember that it's just a theory and not me trying to confirm anything!

First of all op, sorry for just answering you know, but I neded some time to think through how to adress this without adding to the fire with my astrological analysis! Boy, does the birth time fit the shoe right now. To be fair as I did my short rising sign analysis about him recently, I cancelled out every other fire rising except for Leo, because I got stuck on the ego part a bit. Anything for me made sense, as long as it highlights his ego, which by itself doesn't have to be a bad thing automatically, but there's always two sides of the coin as we all know.

I looked into the transits the past week and added a few asteroids/mathematical points as well. An anon before pointed to the full moon happening in his tenth house, conjunct his sun, etc. (I deleted the ask because I didn't know what was going on at that time and thought it was just the 'usual' rumors that once in a while get spread around, but after looking more into it I decided this was not the right time to stirr the pot in any kind of way or treat it as funny, hot gos). But yeah a full Moon in Aquarius happening in his 10th house AND on top of that Saturn in Aquarius, conjuncting that Moon and his natal Uranus in the 10th! Talk about destrcution of any stable foundation and a change in a public image! Honestly, looking at astrologically the way his public image just got radically destroyed over night, with Saturn and the Moon having been in a conjunction (in his chart it was in the 10th house) is kinda eery even. Talk about collective consciousness - not only exposing quiet literally the feelings of the collective, but also doing so in the favor of others and gaining collective emotional consciousness. Take this with a grain of salt (!), because we're still in a tense situation, but I'm tapping into the darker, unfriendlier side of astrology now. Taking his confirmed birth time, he has Nessus in Sagittarius in his 8th house and as I saw that I could feel myself shifting into the surprised pikachu face. I am not saying that this prooves the allegations whatsoever, but as you seemed to be very interested in anaylzing the case in-depth as well, the allegations fit his Nessus - jumping from partner to partner, carelessness (regarding physical intimacy as well), making people share all their ressources with him/finacial gain, and basically the whole jist of gaining control/being in a power position in intimate connections. Keep in mind that this is only one interpretation of Nessus though, Nessus can also show the complete opposite to someone 'turning to their dark side'. On top of that, his Nessus was conjunct transit Phollus the past week, so if anything, we can see that a large event triggered him to 'open his eyes' and face anything of an 'obstacle' that hinders him from seeing the 'truth' to a larger picture and his own nature/destiny. Pholus can symbolize change that will alter your perception of the responsibility you have for yourself and others.

But my latest new interest with these two asteroids aside (asteroids just add a little more nuance to a situation after all), I want to touch on Lilith too, since you (op) have mentioned Lilith before in one of your asks!

He has his Lilith exactly conjunct his Descendant when we consider his confirmed birth time. What happened just now can be seen as 'backfiring' of his actions, either Lilith embodying the women who expose him now for his 'inappropriate' behavior, but also simply fans shaming him now for his alleged manipulative/imoral behavior, especially shaming him about who he chose to date and how. Next to that, you've mentioned Lilith opposite Moon and it just makes me think about him possibly feeling very indecisive and potentially in denial about what he actually needs to be fulfilled in order to be emotionally happy and thus leading to him appearing to have this 'second, dark side' to him now. BML is not necessarily opposite the Moon in my opinion, it's just the side of the subconscious we don't really like to deal with and all we're told not to express and desire because it can be conflicting in the eyes of others (thus BML also leading to a lot of recklessness on the negative side). I think if we take the allegations into consideration, regardless of how much of it is true of it, it can be a good example what happens, when an opposition gets out of balance, as it also manifests outwardly a lot! Lilith shows in his 'double life' aka what he allegedly did with fans. Lilith wanted an outlet and found one by working behind the scenes. If we take in his supposed Taurus rising, which his Lilith is in an exact opposition with, it's a good example of what can lurk underneath the surface.

And of course, last but not least, Neptune and Sun conjunct his MC. People are quiet literally blinded by him more than they would like to think. Also: Lucas was always known for his 'flirty & charismatic' nature, this is another reason why people think we shouldn't be surprised he 'turns out to be like that in real life'. I'm not analyzing this argument right now, but what I think is very interesting is how Sun conjunct MC literally ties a good amount of their personality to their career - they want to be accepted and shine for their personality/big part of their individuality. Idols play a role, no matter how transparent they appear to us, but it's really funny how this 'image' of him melts almost seemingly with parts of his personality (almost af if you were to quiet literally sell your self) and as you've mentioned: Neptune only adds to that, unfortunately.

[fictionkinfessions]

Some people have been slandering me on other blog(s?) very recently. I would like to explain my side of the situation regarding this. [Thank you to anonymous person who DMed me about this.]

edited 12/2: I mistakenly assumed the 'second server admin' was someone involved with creating or moderating the server. I apologize for making assumptions, and have corrected 'second server admin' to 'second person on behalf of the server' also abbreviated as ‘second person’.

The original server admin was not involved in the slander or misleading ask messages to other blog(s?). I apologize for stating they were. They were not involved with such messages or posts.

I also forgot the first server admin did respond after my refusal. I did purposefully ended the conversation early in order to avoid engaging in system discourse as a singlet. I realize now that I should have been more communicative and clearer on my part. I am sorry I was not, and will take care to do so in the future.

I also want to clarify w/r/t to taking a neutral stance isn’t the best answer to system discourse, and it is taking a side on the conversation whether I intend to as a singlet or not. My intention is to minimize harm caused on my part as a singlet navigating through intracommunity discussions.

Lastly, the concern of lesbophobia has no relation to this server or server admin. I am largely unaware of the origins of these accusations and apologize for mistakenly assigning them to the server admin and server. I’m aware lesbians can be lesbophobic. For the sake of post length and relevance, I omitted this.

note: I'm using they / them because there’s two people involved, and I don't know their respective pronouns. This is not purposeful misgendering. There is a summary on the bottom, but I appreciate anyone who reads this.

This is what happened.

Yesterday, 11/30. someone asked for a server promo for an interest check they sent in. On their server promo post they stated 'no endo systems, no tulpas'.

This blog doesn't promo blogs or servers that prohibit any type of system from joining or interacting with the person's blog or server.

note: this is long and is below the read more. 

I informed the person about this rule. They said nothing in response. [correction: they did respond. I purposefully ended the conversation abruptly to avoid engaging in system discourse as a singlet.]

A second person on behalf of the server, came into this blog's DMs requesting a promo, saying they changed their mind about restricting endogenic systems and tulpas from joining them.

I declined to promo their blog again, having private concerns that they were being dishonest about their intentions. This is because their message came within 30 minutes of my response to the original server admin.

If they really hadn't changed their minds, then I would be sending people into a harmful situation. [My response to the second person was, as quoted here, "No, thank you! Good luck with your server!"]

The person immediately became upset and stated that as a singlet I was gatekeeping their server by refusing to engage with them in any form. I explained this rule was a public guideline on this blog's page, it's not a secret requirement, and that I cannot engage in encouraging system discourse since it's not my community.

I am a singlet. People have in the past been rightfully vocal about not giving a platform on this blog to anyone gatekeeping specific types of systems. I understand and respect that this is an intracommunity discussion, and I will not disseminate such content as it's not my place to.

I responded to their message point by point, expounding on what I meant with the promo rules and so forth. I ended my message trying to disengage with the person in a positive manner and go to bed.

This person responded, claiming I was making jokes about needing to be paid to joke about systemcourse.  I have a copy of our entire conversation and can verify I never said anything like that.

My last reply to that was to state I was disengaging in case it wasn't clear from the prior message, because communication is tricky over the internet.

I felt it was clear from the conversation that I could offer no further help for them. I felt there was nothing left to explain, that they would continue to put words in my mouth, and they only wanted to berate me. I had no further contact with them as I went to bed.

As for the dishonesty and rumors those two have tried to spread about me:

I have not invalidated any type of system in private dms or publicly anywhere. I have never said a type of system was the only correct one, or more legitimate than others. I have never tried to inform anyone about systems as if I knew more than them. [correction: I have and I will apologize for it summarily in another post.]

I have not told anyone to not make servers or promo posts for their servers.

Not promoting a server isn't lesbophobia.

I have never said anything lesbophobic or discussed anything about lgbt identities to anyone regarding system discourse, their system, or anything like that.

I'm a transmisogyny exempt nonbinary lesbian. I have never been purposefully lesbophobic to anyone publicly or privately. I don't even make or reblog ironic homophobia jokes. I might live in the closet for the rest of my life aside from being freely lesbian in online spaces. I'm excruciatingly aware how terrible lesbophobia is and would never wish it on anyone.

The blog rule of not promoting servers who exclude types of systems is for all systems. Endo-, trauma-, quoi-, and so on. Tbh this goes for soulbonds as well because hey, there's an overlap of them and the system community.

My refraining from participating in intracommunity discussions is not ableism. My refusal to reblog promos for anything at all, for any reason is not oppression or ableism. [correction: it’s not a perfect resolution on my part to attempt neutrality. My aim is to prevent excessive harm or distress on a blog meant for the alterhuman community. Me remaining silent on system discourse is taking a side or stance,whether I intend to or not.]

I'm aware this blog has a large audience and I'd rather be careful about what I show to 5,000 people. The purpose of promos is to share that which would help the alterhuman community at large. To promote anything that divides sections of the overlapping communities would go against that. I can’t see how this is unreasonable.

I know this blog posts some sketchy and out there confessions. That is generally the purpose of a confession blog. [Within reason, ofc. No death threats, etc] I feel that vent / heavy themed posts limited to a single blockable blog is not the same as promoting servers where 'Us vs Them' mentalities are grown and encouraged.

If you disagree with me trying to maintain a neutral stance regarding system discourse, ok. I'm not here to change minds or take sides. I don't have the right to a voice in this specific conversation. I only want to make it clear what happened between me and two other people, and why they are saying hurtful things about me.

In summary:

Two different people asked me to promote their discord server that banned endogenic systems and tulpas from joining. As per the Promo Guidelines page, we do not promote those servers. I am a singlet and engaging in system discourse is not acceptable. [correction: one server admin asked me to promote their server. I declined. A second person on behalf of the server tried again to request a server promo.]

One of the server admins had a conversation with me. I explained the rule regarding banning types of Systems. The server admin took it poorly, stating my refusal to join in intracommunity discourse as a singlet was ableism on my part. [Correction: the second person may not have been an server admin, but acting on behalf of the server]

The two server admins are now slandering me on other blog(s?), saying I'm ableist, taking sides on system discourse despite being a singlet, and being lesbophobic. [Correction: it was only the second person, not the server admin.]

I've done none of those things. I have a copy of the conversations to prove it. I don’t want to post it without their consent, unless I really must to prove I wasn’t behaving inappropriately.

I am a transmisogyny exempt nonbinary lesbian who can only be publicly open about my identity online. I am in the closet in real life to my entire family. I know how torturous lesbophobia is and would never be lesbophobic to anyone.

[In fact, the topic of lgbt+ identities never came up in that conversation. I'm confused where that came from.]

If you read any of this, thank you. I really hope I haven’t behaved poorly regarding this. I would like to apologize if I have. I genuinely don’t think I have been unreasonable in this situation.

Connie / Mod Party Cat!

ps, if you know their blog urls, please do not harass them. Also, please don’t harass anyone in their kin community. Don’t be goofy like that, thank you.

pps I’m ok with people linking or reblogging this if someone is confused about what new terrible thing has happened on fictionkinfessions. It’s not required but hey, it’s out there, for eternal record on the internets. Hello world.

pps sorry for putting it in the community tags, but it is relevant insofar as clarifying rumors and dishonesty.

[painted-crow]

Submission time #19

so i’ve been spending the last little bit unburning my lion primary. now i’m sort of lost on secondary? i suspect i have bird in there somewhere but i’m having a hard time separating my natural secondary and a model that i really like and find helpful. (or maybe it’s the now-surprisingly-loud lion primary drive for authenticity coming through?) so if it’s okay with you, i’ll take a crack at some of the quiz questions and see if there’s anything of note? spacing might be weird—i’m on mobile :/

Sure thing!

When you succeed, how influential in that success were the people around you?

my answer to this one depends on the day. yes, they’re extremely influential; no, i don’t always like it. not because i don’t appreciate or need the help but because it got into my head in a funny way growing up. i’ve always been tremendously lucky to have people who love and want to help me, but like... it gets to the point where it feels like i’m nothing on my own. how much of this is a favour? what do i owe you? are you just trying to spare my feelings or because i’m related to someone else? i’m desperate to be able to say (and believe) that i’ve done something for myself on my own terms.

Ooh, okay. So, you've maybe got some caretaker Badgers around you, but that's not you--you don't really value this in yourself, even if it's how the community around you works. If you have any Badger secondary, it's anxious.

Do people consider you charismatic?

charisma is SUCH a concept. it gives off such an animal magnetism, face of the revolution vibe, which is not me at all. i have to work hard to be nice bc most people deserve the benefit of the doubt (as i repress the instinct to be judgy and mean LMAO) and also bc it just works better socially? flies and honey and all that. i also have very specific ways of being nice: “mom friend” and “hypercompetent rookie in line of succession” and “spicy and nonjudgmental confidante” which, granted, are already all parts of my personality just emphasized for clarity. i think of it like... personality colour correction, or... code-switching i guess.

You've literally just described Actor Bird. Also, you're not very nice when you describe yourself, are you?

people tend to like me more than i like me, though, and it catches me a little by surprise every time. maybe it’s just because i live in my own head and it’s a lot quieter and more anxious up here. it does suck a little, suddenly being worried that like “ooh ppl only like what u show them but that’s not how u rlly are”

Lions (primary or secondary) and Actor Bird can really clash... it sounds like you're discovering that your primary doesn't like this tactic as it unburns. Also, I think Bird masks just take a lot of energy if used long term. That might be me though.

so i’ll Sprinkle In Some Light Trauma to gauge the reaction (and regret it immediately). the truth is that not many people make it past the social utility part of friendship and so i don’t rlly... feel safe? putting down the masks which are designed to smooth interactions in any case. (so i guess YES but actually no i’m charismatic but also that’s a very different public facing side)

Yeah, this is all Actor Bird so far. Also, hugs.

Do you like going into situations with a plan?

mmm. i don’t think i plan so much as i attempt to see into the future and force my best outcome. i HATE going in blind—if i can a way around something, i will, but if i can’t it has to at least be a good and sensible attempt. most of the plans i usually put together have coping-mechanism, doodling while on a phone call energy: too granular to ever implement, just something to put order to the things you’re thinking.

This is still lots of Bird energy. Plans don't always look the same, you know? And some of us barely use 'em at all.

like, i do have all my degree requirements and preferred classes listed out, because that’s important and i should have that sorted out correctly before declaring my major. but the hour by hour daily schedule is more of a thing to make me feel in control and like i’ve put the work into considering it.

i’m also a stereotypical nerd: i have an english/history brain, i write a lot, i fall down personality inventory rabbit holes for fun, i pick up random things that end up relevant years later, nothing was as distressing as not being able to read for fun bc university was just Too Much—you know the drill.

I do, but not everyone is like this. You're probably a Bird, and I wonder if you're taking your secondary for granted because you feel like it's expected of you.

but for someone who plans as a coping mechanism, it’s also sometimes the best way to put me off. like i don’t know, being friends, which is the only thing in my life where traditional overthinking would RUIN it absolutely.

i know someone who semi-despairingly refers to herself as machiavellian because she interacts with people like it’s 4D chess.

Huh, so your friends don't talk about themselves very nicely either.

collects info, reshapes her entire personality into something designed to appeal to whoever she’s talking to. i tried not to get into motive bc socializing really is like That sometimes, but i couldn’t imagine pulling that off. i talk big game about acting a certain way, but only in ways that are already part of me yk? if i couldn’t believe i was being legit in some way i’m like 97% sure it would show through somehow and make it real weird.

You're still on Actor Bird. Your friend might have a Snake model? but you're an Actor Bird.

How do you feel about shortcuts?

work smart not hard, she says, working hard anyway bc she needs to see all the little things fall into place just to make sure that they do.

seriously though, that is for “important enough” things: i need to see it done to standard. i can rest only with a job well done kind of thing—due diligence so that any tomfoolery that goes down isn’t my fault and therefore no one can get mad at me.

This might be a Badger model, and I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and say you picked this up from your community because it's what they expect of you. You don't seem to take any joy in it, though; it seems like an anxious response.

also i have beef with the idea of being gullible, so i’m gonna see it with my OWN EYES. for less important things, it’s a heart says yes mind says no situation. i love the shortcut that saves time and effort but keeps the quality, which is plentiful when it’s like. pasta sauce, but not when it’s like. the Donner party heading to california. i would love to shorten that stuff, but the consequences of a poorly done shortcut are more painful than the slog.

Bird modeling Badger. Yep.

Do you feel the need to keep the peace?

(it didn’t come up on this run of the quiz but i’ve been mulling over for a while!)

Huh. This question doesn't always come up? I always get it. I have to assume it's the quiz checking for Badger.

i’ve got a fairly bad temper and a transparent face. so no—i’m not much for keeping the peace. i can do it properly if compelled, but it’s exhausting and irritating and only really makes me resentful of the emotional labour.

Whether you can keep the peace is kind of separate from whether you feel you should, but you also really dislike being in that role. You're modeling some Bookkeeper Badger, which doesn't actually make you happy, and you really don't seem to like using Courtier for anything.

does it bother me when people fight? yeah, like most people do when it’s a rift-causing argument in a group they care strongly about, but if i’m not more loyal to one side of the dispute i’m much more likely to take out all the parties and have done with it. i’ve been known to fight back or even start stuff if the cause is important enough, or i have spleen to vent, but i’m a very messy arguer so staying out of it and collecting receipts in the background is much more my style.

Wonder if you've got some Lion secondary hiding out in your Houses. You don't like going into things unprepared, but maybe there's a Lion model you could be nurturing that would make you happier than that Badger mess that's been pushed on you.

anyway. this was long. made me think harder about badger than i thought. lots of feelings, but def not as sad as the ones i typed up and deleted ages ago which i elect to count as progress. thanks for making it this far hahahah

Yay! Progress!

Yeah, I don't think you're a Badger. It really doesn't make you happy. You sound like a Bird to me: actor Bird, rapid fire Bird, but not Badger. Not Snake, either; if you're a rapid fire or actor Bird (or both) you might mis-Sort yourself into Snake, but I'm not getting that from you.

--Paint

[1863-project]

Whilst I do appreciate that you understand why this was hurtful, I do feel that the longer explanation still misses the point - that this was unsolicited advice in the first place.

People will ask for advice if they're looking for it. A vent post is not necessarily a solicitation for advice. I've had my Hashimoto's diagnosis since 2012. I've been living with it for more than a decade, and I know how to manage it and have a good endocrinologist who helps me and assists me in making healthy choices for my particular body.

I didn't mention it because it wasn't relevant but a lot of my extra weight is actually a result of trauma, as well, and I'm working on resolving that. I shouldn't have to justify whether I am asking for advice or not by disclosing my medical history, which is why I didn't talk about it there.

I wasn't looking for advice. My tags are for me and for organizing things on my own blog. Most people who are venting are not looking for unsolicited advice. It comes across as rude, pushy, and frankly thoughtless. I know it wasn't your intent - and indeed, most people are genuinely trying to be helpful when they do this - but it's actually deeply invalidating to the person who's venting. If I was talking about my autism struggles, you wouldn't have come in with "Have you tried X (cure that isn't a cure because you can't cure a brain difference)?" because you'd have known that it was invalidating my identity. The same goes for chronic illness, or really...anything a person is venting about.

In the future, I would suggest asking before you give advice. "Do you just need me to listen, or would you like advice?" is a phrase that has gotten me far and massively improved my relationships and listening skills. I know this is now me giving unsolicited advice, which may make this sound a bit hypocritical, but doubling down on explaining the diet instead of simply apologizing was not the socially appropriate thing to do here.

If you read this, thank you for your time, and please try to be more thoughtful about what a person is actually saying in the future. If they want advice, they'll ask for it.

This is a really difficult time of year for me now. It's been this way ever since I got sick.

Hashimoto's thyroiditis, the autoimmune thyroid disorder I have, causes both weight gain and weight loss resistance. At this time of year, everyone is bombarded with things about weight loss and exercise and all of that stuff, and it's really difficult when your body isn't capable of it. Exercise is difficult when your thyroid pushes on your trachea and makes it harder to breathe, and you can't do it very long anyway since the same issue has caused you muscle weakness. You have to take everything slower.

I used to enjoy hiking. I can't walk uphill now without being short of breath almost immediately because of the pressure going at that angle puts on my trachea.

It hurts to see all these people talking about how they're going to "improve" their bodies and become rail thin and lose weight and knowing that they think your body is unacceptable because you're sick and it won't change the way theirs will. Diet and exercise can't really do much when you have an autoimmune disorder, and when you try to find out more you find all these quack products and solutions that clearly don't work.

My weight's plateaued at the point it's been at for a few years now. I'm not really getting any bigger anymore, and most people don't even notice it even though I feel like I'm distended. It's dysmorphia on my end - I never look the way I do in my mind - but since I'm not completely flat with no body fat the people in the commercials and ads and medical professionals are all going to just keep trying to "fix" something that can't be fixed because I have an autoimmune disorder.

I want so badly to feel comfortable in this body, but it isn't considered attractive or beautiful or even acceptable by society at large, so it makes it so difficult to really be okay with it.

I'm dysmorphic. This is what I look like in reality.

Even looking like this, doctors like to focus on my weight, so you can imagine what people far bigger than me have to deal with.

I wish we could just move on from this, but it doesn't look like we will anytime soon.

[valkerymillenia]

Klaus in season 2

First of all, let me point out that I love season 2, I really do. It's a great season for a great show. This post is very critical but it's not a reflection of the whole season itself, just of one aspect.

I know a lot of people are as upset as I am about how Klaus was treated in season 2. He's my favorite and I hated how the writers and characters alike treated him so I'm just here to vent.

Not that everything was awful, no, Klaus is still my favorite, he still had some amazing scenes but...

I get that not every character can be center stage every season when you have a show with 7 main characters, I really do. I'm not upset that Klaus had less protagonism because I know he'll get his chance to shine again and be in the spotlight in the future, but... That doesn't excuse the bullshit that was done with Klaus this season.

Everything around his arc and his powers in season 1 was ignored in return for turning him into comic relief with a dash of unresolved ship angst.

I don't like how his constant suffering is ignored with no catharsis or endgame or acknowledgement, or how his obvious kindness is downplayed by every character.

I don't like how him falling off the wagon was approached.

I don't like how the cult thing was played for laughs and he was called narcissistic and selfish when he was obviously trying to do the right thing (and failing) over and over.

Yes, starting the cult was a bad idea but he clearly didn't mean for it to get out of hand, he was just trying to survive and looking for support and validation anywhere he could in a strange new environment and he tried very hard to end it but they never let him. The cult was smothering him, disrespecting his personal space (and his actual requests not to be touched or to be left alone), invading his home without consent, objectifying the hell out of him, and so on. This would have been perfect to play out a parallel with how the ghosts never leave him alone, it's a sugar coated version of the horrible hauntings in s1, it would have been the perfect way to have his siblings realize how hard he has things, but instead he's painted as selfish and the cult plotline had zero payout or meaning in the overall plot.

I don't like how his powers were either nerfed to avoid stealing the spotlight (and how some of his original comic powers were co-opted by other characters).

I don't like how one of the biggest key points of his powers that shaped 29 years of his life was suddenly swept under the rug this season and treated so lightly.

Seriously, not a single ghost around him other than those two split-second scenes? This guy ruined his life with hard drugs just to escape the constant presence of the dead that are literally everywhere but suddenly in season 2 they are nowhere, suddenly the very thing that led him to desperation (and near death in more than one situation) before is gone, it makes light of his addiction and suffering, it makes his struggle with sobriety come off as lazy.

Remember Hazel and Cha-Cha's ghosts? Where are Five's ghosts? The cult's ghosts? Ghosts are supposed to always be around whether he wants them or not. Remember the how the voices haunted him even in the bath and underwater as soon as he started coming down from the high? Where's that now? Sure, maybe he could have learned to control what ghosts he sees or hears but we saw nothing of that, no struggle, no learning, no evolution, it's never mentioned and Klaus no longer seems to care, suddenly the only ghost around is Ben and the only power Klaus is developing is the ability to physically interact with Ben or make Ben corporeal (and that's all about Ben, not Klaus). Even possession, a power that should belong to Klaus or at least be controlled by him, is given to Ben without explanation.

They gives us a tiny glimpse of Klaus at peace with ghosts and in control of his powers in the opening of the season and then they annul it completely and show absolutely no explanation for it. It's such lazy writing! It's like they don't even know how to write Klaus unless he's high or drunk, it's like the writers see that as his only personality traits and not as something he struggles with.

I don't like how his reaction to Ben disappearing was so glossed over and barely addressed.

They were glued to each other (willingly) for 16 years. Ben was the voice of Klaus's conscience, his only support and his best friend, everyone else mourned Ben 17 years ago but not Klaus, he deserved to mourn and we deserved to see more a 2 second bed scene of Klaus looking kinda sad and a 20 second conversation about the loss of his best friend that was less about grief and more about guilt.

I don't like that he had no role in the final battle, even if they didn't want him to stay the spotlight, they could still have given some role, they could still have given him a chance to fight Lila too (perfect moment to show Lila being freaked out by the dead and give the siblings a glimpse of Klaus's burden), or at the very (VERY) least they could have given a plausible reason for him to not participate (like being injured or disabled early on or having to take care of someone else) but no, he, the trained vigilante and war vet, was just hiding and cowering.

Speaking of which, I get that Klaus is acting like a hippy pacifist in this season and he's crippled by PTSD but there are so many scenes where he should have at least shown his fighting skills for self-defense because you cannot tell me he had no fighting skills, he was trained the same way as his siblings and he was a soldier in an active battlefront for 10 months without dying, he HAS to have excellent skills. They just made him a physical doormat this season, he never reacts other than getting hit, hiding or running.

The Dave plotline was the only thing well addressed and I suspect we'll see the proper resolution to that in the next season.

I don't like a lot of things about how Klaus was handled this season but it's not that everything was awful, I still love Klaus and he did have great parts this season too and some interesting development.

I did love seeing him bond and interact with his siblings, I did like seeing him be incredibly supportive and affectionate to his family (even when they don't notice or appreciate it and even when it's just too further another sibling's plot), I absolutely adore how he dished out romantic wisdom with his sisters.

Seriously, I really did like him being supportive and affectionate- Allison with her love life, the dead Swede, her worries for her husband, the danger of the riot, getting her husband out of jail, etc; Vanya by including her and being affectionate, with her love life as well and by being honest with her all the way; Diego by trying to comfort him after Reginald emotionally devasted him, hugging him and trying to lighten the mood and show affection in other scenes even after all the times Diego is dismissive of him and accuses him off still being intoxicated; etc, etc, etc. Yes, he was rather mean towards Ben this season (refusing to tell the family he was there, ignoring him, using him to impress people or as a shield, etc) but he was also kind to Ben by keeping him corporeal often, letting him possess him despite how horrible it felt, again with Ben's love life as well by acting like a wingman, etc.

Klaus is naturally kind and affectionate, he's caring and protective of his family, his methods may be terrible and he may mess up a lot but his intentions are always good. This season picked up on that from s1 and highlighted it even more. That was a positive thing but the fact that nobody in the family acknowledges this, the fact that they still dismiss him as intoxicated and narcissistic, that was AWFUL.

Klaus is still self-destructive and deeply traumatized but both of those things were glossed over or played for laughs, I could handle the family dismissing him if these issues were given the importance and respect they deserved and there was an endgame or some payoff but... Nope, we got none of that.

Honestly, it just really bothers me that all the serious things established in season 1 were completely ignored just so Klaus would be lighter and less likely to steal the spotlight. I just want the multiple traumas and secrets that he's keeping from the family to be addressed, I want his struggles with his powers and sobriety to be validated and addressed instead of played for laughs or only remembered when it's convenient, I want to family to start showing any little bit of understanding or concern or appreciation for him (if they could do it for Vanya this season then they can do it for him too).

What I wouldn't give for Klaus to just finally snap in season 3 and be the accidental cause of the next possible doomsday just so the family would finally be forced to take him seriously and give him the right kind of support and attention.

[panharmonium]

more scattered naruto thoughts now that we’ve finished season 8 -

[spoiler policy disclaimer first, as always: I am watching naruto for the first time and have only gotten up to the end of season 8 (after pain destroys the hidden leaf village).  i am trying to avoid spoilers, so please don’t interact with this (tags included, because the notifications now show them to me automatically) with any spoilery commentary, including even general things like “oh i love this show but it gets less good after X point” or “X season is better than Y season” or any general assessments of quality/likability/etc re: future seasons.  Thank you! <3 ]

- i like the way S8 ended.  i know that in real life maybe it wouldn’t be so feasible to just talk your enemy back to the light, but honestly, i don’t care.  i love that shit.  i love stories when people refuse to hurt the people who hurt them first, and then their seemingly inconceivable choice to refrain from striking back creates a connection (it’s the ‘return of the jedi’ effect, folks).  i understand that it doesn’t work like that in real life most of the time, and i don’t recommend it for real life people trying to defend themselves, but i do love it in fiction.  i LOVED how naruto went in pursuit of nagato to talk to him, not fight him.  even though naruto says straight-up “i can’t forgive you” / “I want to kill you so badly i can’t stop shaking” - he still recognizes that his enemy is someone who’s been victimized, and he has enough compassion to feel pain on their behalf even when he himself is reeling from having his entire home destroyed and both of his teachers murdered by the person he’s confronting.  his choice to control his (valid) rage and extend a hand in compassion is ultimately what changes the outcome and saves everyone who would have died, reversing the damage that was done, and i love that shit.  

- absolutely adore yamato abandoning his own mission and taking off at a run to try and help naruto when he senses that naruto is losing control over the nine-tails.  this man thought he was just a substitute teacher for a while there, but he’s become part of the family while he wasn’t looking.

- HINATA.  oh my god i couldn’t even enjoy this incredible moment because i was so stressed out (and angry, at the time, because i really thought they were going to kill her, and that would’ve crossed my line).  i want to watch this again knowing that she’s fine, because my anxiety over ‘fuck fuck fuck they’re actually going to kill one of the kids’ precluded me from even appreciating it appropriately.

- there’s been a lot of talk on this show about how sakura doesn’t have as much chakra as naruto or sasuke, but she heals people non-stop the entire time Pain is attacking and doesn’t show any signs of running dry.  SHOW HER SOME RESPECT.

- CHOOOOOOOOJIIIIIIII!  omg.  i was so afraid that his father was actually dead, and SO RELIEVED that he was okay.  you can’t do that to choji!!!

- also relatedly, how much do i adore choji for caring so much about kakashi?  <333 i mean this kid is there sobbing over his dead body, and then he bursts out crying when kakashi comes back to life - i really appreciate these little ties between characters who aren’t always in close quarters but who do have a relationship.  kakashi has been a teacher to ALL of the kids, and team 10 especially feels indebted to him - the respect and affection they all feel for him is very real.

- first time i actually thought ‘ok he’s cool’ with regard to minato was when he talked to the nine-tails so unfazed like “he’s a loudmouth.  let’s go somewhere more quiet.’  i’ve been kind of so-so on his character so far, but i liked this.  

- also later in that scene - the (rare) scenes we’ve seen where naruto totally breaks down absolutely kill me.  it happened once when gaara was dead, and then there’s another moment in this episode when he’s talking to minato - whoever voices him does just incredible work in those moments, and it is SO PAINFUL to me because naruto is always such a happy kid the rest of the time and eternally optimistic and positive and excited and popping back up every time he falls down, and so when he cracks it is just devastating to see.  i hate seeing him cry like that.

- similarly - that shot of sasuke at the end of the itachi arc wrecked me.  naruto’s breakdowns are upsetting, but at least he allows himself to have them - when he gets pushed past a breaking point, he explodes.  he cries and yells and spills every single thought in his head in front of everybody who’s around him, and after it’s done, things get better.  he’s with people who care about him.  he’s venting and making himself understood, and he always finds his equilibrium again.

sasuke, though, has been completely locked down ever since we saw him sneak out of the hospital to wander around the scene of his community’s mass murder, and he’s still locked down now, even crying all alone at the edge of the ocean.  this moment isn’t cathartic.  it isn’t a release.  this is barely even a sliver of what this kid has going on inside him, and it looks like it’s agonizing for him to even let that much out.

- the scene where naruto is about to give up and give in to the nine-tails’s power...that exchange!!!!!!!

i don’t know.  it hurts.  i hate this.  i don’t know.  what should i do.  i don’t know anything anymore.  someone...please help me.  give me...an answer.

destroy everything.  erase anything that causes you pain.  give me your soul, your spirit, your vital essence.  give it to me, and in exchange, i will rescue you from your pain.

this whole exchange is amazing.  the way naruto says ‘it hurts’...this is one of those scenes that expands to cover so much more ground than just what’s onscreen at that moment.  what naruto overcomes here is precisely the trap that sasuke has not been able to escape.  sasuke has never had any framework for dealing with pain that isn’t about pursuing vengeance.  it’s the only way he thinks he can free himself from his pain - by putting all of his energy into destroying the people who hurt him.  

but it becomes an endless cycle, because he never succeeds.  itachi dies and sasuke feels worse than ever, so he turns his attention to the hidden leaf in an attempt to finally kill what’s hurting him.  but even if sasuke were to raze the entire village to the ground, his pain would still be with him, and he’d then have to turn his attention to yet another target, because the alternative would be to recognize that he can’t escape his pain by destroying the things that hurt him, and that’s not something he’s able to accept right now.  he’s spent half his life fixated on the idea that revenge can rescue him from how terrible he feels, and abandoning that idea now would mean that nothing can save him.  it would mean that he’s going to hurt like this no matter what he does.  

kakashi tried to warn him about this.  he tried to tell sasuke that even after getting his revenge, sasuke wouldn’t feel better, that he’d only tear himself apart trying to achieve something that would leave him feeling empty - but sasuke was too entrenched in his own warped thinking to believe it.  and ever since then, sasuke has been in the company of people who are happy to let him dig himself deeper and deeper into a self-destructive hole as long as it benefits their agenda.  they don’t care if he’s hurting himself.  they’re happy to see him suffering.  his pain is a tool they can use.

- a note re: kakashi, when it comes to this topic - 

i think it’s relevant to remember that kakashi never tells sasuke not to pursue revenge because it’s “wrong” or ethically questionable.  he never delivers any moralizing speeches in the vein of “if you kill someone who victimized you, you’re just as bad as they are.”  kakashi doesn’t think it’s wrong if itachi dies, and if sasuke were in a better state of mind, he probably wouldn’t even mind if sasuke were the one to kill him.  that’s why kakashi is comfortable helping team 10 pursue asuma’s killers, after all - because they’re not unbalanced by rage or making self-destructive decisions; they’re acting with clear heads and pursuing a course of action that needs to be taken anyway (asuma’s murderers are on their way to the leaf to capture naruto - they need to be dealt with regardless).  team 10′s kids can handle that mission - they’re thinking straight.  they’re comfortable accepting adult guidance.  they’re grieving, but they’re okay. 

sasuke is not.  sasuke has been deeply traumatized since he was a very young child, and encouraging his quest for vengeance is equivalent to validating all of the fucked-up thought patterns that are hurting him so badly - that it was his responsibility (as a seven year-old child) to protect his clan, that he was weak and cowardly for running away, that he needs to take itachi down as penance for failing to save his family, that killing itachi is the only way for him to justify his childhood survival, that killing itachi will free him from his pain.  for kakashi to encourage any of these false convictions would be irresponsible and, ultimately, harmful to the child he’s supposed to be looking after.  if sasuke gets his revenge on itachi, he’s just going to be left with the horrifying realization that his pain hasn’t lessened even the slightest bit, except that now he also has to deal with the additional trauma of killing someone he used to love. 

kakashi doesn’t discourage sasuke from revenge because Revenge Is Morally Bad and You Are Morally Bad For Pursuing It; he discourages sasuke from revenge because in this particular case, sasuke’s fixation on revenge is hurting him.  it’s unhealthy for him, and it will cause him worse pain in the future if he allows it to continue driving his life.  sasuke is never going to feel better if he doesn’t stop distracting himself from his pain by focusing solely on vengeance.  if he’s ever going to actually be rescued from his pain, he needs to face (and FEEL!!!) his grief, which is precisely what staying fixated on revenge allows him to avoid.

- relatedly: i just.  am SO sick.  of all these horrible people.  getting their hands on sasuke.  and using him for their own ends.  when he has already been manipulated and victimized all his life.  it makes me wanna SCREAM!!!!  and i know that’s the point; we are supposed to be frustrated by this - but - hrnghghgnh

and like - it’s not like sasuke doesn’t know it’s happening!  he’s not stupid!  he knows the people around him are using him, and he just tries to use them back and play them before they play him, and he accepts that this is what his life is going to look like, and because he survives, he thinks he’s in control, but he has NO IDEA how far over his head he’s in now.  and besides, he never stops to think that maybe his life shouldn’t look like this.  he has no conception of ‘someone should be taking care of me.’  he’s never seen himself as a child who needs protection - he’s never seen himself as a child, period.  it’s why he’s such a brat to the other kids, and it’s why he never calls kakashi ‘sensei.’  he thinks of himself as an adult.  he has adult problems.  he can’t connect to children his own age because he can’t connect to the idea of childhood - his childhood was stolen from him, and with it went any conception of refuge or safety or the fact that relentless self-sufficiency and a constant cycle of using/being used by other people isn’t in fact what his life is supposed to look like.

i am continually infuriated by all of these people who have abdicated their responsibility as adults and chosen to exploit an already exploited kid, one who is too messed up to save himself or let anybody else help him.  none of these people care about him.  they all want to use him for something.  they’re happy he’s in pain, because his pain is what enables them to manipulate him.

the people who DO truly want to help him are the same people he’s desperately trying to avoid.  the only adult sasuke ever had a meaningful and non-manipulative relationship with is the same adult he keeps running away from.  and the only two people his own age who ever actually knew anything about him or cared if he was okay are the two people he keeps pushing away. 

there is, perhaps, a lot to be said about how sasuke continually runs away from the people who actually care about him and instead affiliates himself with people he’ll never have to worry about forming a connection with.  “having too many ties in this world just holds you back” - sure, and having no ties protects you, too.  nobody to love you, nobody to know you, nobody you can ever lose.

[nyrator]

Random updatess

Been in a weird spot mentally, lately...

I think it’s safe to say I’ve been single again for a long while, but lots of concerning stuff related to that has been going on which has me concerned- not much I should probably say publicly, but nothing I can really do about it except suppress my anxiety over it and hope for the best. People are complicated and impossible to understand.

Or maybe I should speak up about it a bit, since he’s gone and nothing really holding me back, but it’s a weird and long-going situation. In short, I’m not comfortable around people and am an extreme introvert, but he was someone who really latched onto me.. but he couldn’t stop needing me even after we stopped being together, a dependency in my eyes but maybe I was just assuming, and I had to force space between us in hopes he’d stop focusing on me so much. Too kind, too overbearing. Seems it worked, and now he’s almost completely vanished from everything before I could start up communication again. Maybe he just removed himself from anything that reminds him of me, or maybe it’s a sign of something worse. He has a lot of things he’s dealing with I can’t help with, and all I can do is just hope for the best I guess. But ultimately, I don’t think we were healthy for each other. I still consider him a great person, at least, and it’d be nice if we could have a semi-normal connection sometime in the future still.

I did get the RN site off of him before he vanished a few days ago, which was kind of him (he made it and paid for it, but I’m paying for it now), neither me nor any of our other friends have heard from him since. We’re apart, and he doesn’t owe me anything, but it would be nice if he communicated what he was doing and why with people more. Guess all we can do is see.

Anyway, I guess that’s enough about that. I know too many people with tough lives that weigh my own heart down too much.

In other news, I’ve been dealing with my “complex” again too much. Complex, personal issue, childhood trauma, whatever it is. It’s bothering me a strong amount, but I know most of it is in my head- I just can’t escape reminders of it. I don’t feel comfortable talking about it in detail in public, either. I’m starting to express it in RN, but I have fears that I’ll end up repulsing and alienating people around me because of it- like it’s sullying anything I involve it in.

It’s linked very much to self-hatred, my depression, and a lot of things in my life in general- and I’m given constant reminders of it from the moment I wake up, it’s controlling me, it feels like, and I don’t know how to cope with it properly. I have a private vent Twitter dedicated to venting about it at this point, but it doesn’t feel like it’s helping at all.

Otherwise- Life is dreadfully uneventful. I started playing No More Heroes to kill time- beat the first game again 100% on Bitter, and beat the second game on Bitter as well (didn’t do that boss rush mode or unlock Special in BJ5 game, though). First game is much better than the second game, by far. I’ll have to get back into TSA and then 3 someday, took a break to draw some Lave in pajamas.

I really like sleep aesthetics, but my complex is so interwoven with that too that I feel like it’s corrupting it. But Lave’s an autobiographical-ish character, after all, so I guess it’s okay to have it woven into them as well- I still feel like it’s going to drive people away from liking them, though, and probably fairly so.

Still haven’t even tried looking for a job, and I haven’t been moving much at all lately- treadmill’s just collecting dust. Only today did I finally get rid of about half of my mother’s things, and only because there’s an inspection on Friday and I’m embarrassed by how packed all this junk still is. It wasn’t a far or even stressful of a drive to the donation bin (it’s right by my grocery store), but my nerves still almost made me wet myself again. I can’t stand it. Part of me wants to drive my friends to an arcade for my birthday and see if I can better adjust, but that’s almost three hours away, there’s no way I can see myself making it reasonably.

It’s really hard, living without drive or purpose. I still have no urge to work on any of my projects at all, it’s like I’ve completely given up on myself to do anything.

It’s really nice hearing from friends on here from time to time, even if I do nothing to show my appreciation or make an effort to return the feeling. Tumblr’s been pretty inactive for me, but there’s still some familiar faces I always like seeing.

I really don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I have no energy to do anything nor any real reason to feel a need to. I can’t even keep the apartment clean from my cats, or stay on top of garbage or laundry.

The one thing I want to do is practice talking more and maybe stream, but it feels like a dead end, honestly. I want to train my voice to be more professional and to a certain standard I have for it that I’m not even sure I can reach, but I have no real way of practicing. Maybe get some nicer clothes as well, but I don’t even go anywhere. I just feel weird with how I dress and worry about embarrassing my friends by being seen with me or something, as silly as it is.

I apologize for the depressing Ny-rant-y stuffs, just one of those kinds of times lately. I haven’t had anywhere to vent lately, and I don’t want to keep bottling it all up, either.

[twilightknight17]

Good morning to my most recent anons!

If you fulfill all the requirements, he’s in the ending.

How people talk is completely inconsequential to what’s in the actual game.

This is a dumb question.

.

I think the Thieves care to an extent, even if they’re not friends (yet). But I also see Goro’s isolation as part of his character arc? You can’t really take that away from him without fundamentally changing him as a character. He’s relied on no one but himself for a very long time. It’s part of why he’s the way that he is, and it’s also part of being Akira’s foil. He doesn’t have the sort of friends or support network Akira does.

And, uh, if I’m going to nitpick... If you want someone other than Akira, Muhen likes him and cares about him. He asks you about Goro in the walkaround, because he hasn’t seen him in a while and he’s curious how he’s doing.

So... I dunno. To me, your question sounds mostly like “Would people like Goro better if he was a different character?” And that’s... kind of a silly question?

.

Well, I think that he would need the opportunity to finally vent all the feelings he’d been building up, so that he can recognize that he doesn’t actually hate or want to hurt any of the Thieves, and that he actually appreciates Akira’s company and trusts him as a partne-- oh, wait, that’s just the engine room and the third semester.

What you want has already happened, Anon. Pay attention.

.

Because Maruki had ~good intentions~, and apparently that’s enough to counteract all the bullshit that he did. It’s fine that he drove an emotionally-unstable teenager berserk and watched her fight her friends! It’s just because he wanted her to be happy! His trauma is a perfectly valid reason for him to try to take over the world via brainwashing, but Goro’s trauma isn’t enough for him to be allowed to take revenge on the person responsible!

In all seriousness, Maruki’s goals are noble, in the abstract, but in practice? No no no no. Personally, the first time I played the ending, I was yelling at Akira to just drop him. Don’t risk being stuck in a collapsing Palace to save a man who’s already thwarted your escape once.

He’s proven that, even if he has had a change of heart, he still has an absolutely ridiculous power level in the metaverse. And the evidence of his change of heart is slim enough that I dunno if I trust him not to try something else in the future, if he ever gets the opportunity. It’s a weird, weird situation, and I don’t completely like how it ended up. X’D

[moonangst]

Uh, I just want to talk about shifting. I’ve heard about DRs since about April, I didn’t understand it after searching up the meaning behind the acronym and kind of brushed it off as strange and that’s it. But by nature I’m a very curious person and it kept popping up using the words “shifting” now until I got curious enough to research. And it was literally the answer to a theory I had ironically and coincidentally come to on my own. My theory was that all the shows and movies we watch are real just in a different universe/reality. So, I was shocked to find other prove this with shifting. I instantly got hooked after doing research and wanted to try it. I have tried, at first I did the Raven method without a script, I figured knowing myself I would need one anyway. So, I eventually tried the Raven method using a script, I didn’t shift at all, I felt some symptoms, but I didn’t shift. I couldn’t focus on it, so I tried doing guided methods and did a guided Raven method, I only fell asleep. I then heard of the ADHD method, it’s been the most successful so far, I could say. I tried it, I added a bit of a twist to it to see if it would work better, and I felt my thigh being shaken, I was supposed to be shaken awake when I shifted to my DR. I was shocked and happy all the same. But that night I had trouble sleeping and that’s as far as I got. I abandoned that script though and decided to write another one, I didn’t like this one and decided to write a third one that is entirely different. I’m currently writing it, I’m going all out on it, I’ve been writing it for about two weeks now I think. And I’m excited about it, but kind of scared and I’ve taken days to write nothing and I’m feeling unmotivated. Sometimes Ill think I’m done writing and then an idea will pop up and I’ll want to add that to my newest script, and it’s leaving me a bit discouraged, I’m feeling like I’ll never have a full script and maybe that I’ll never shift. I’ve been reading others experiences and listening to others talk about their experiences, but I haven’t done that for a couple weeks. That got me motivated to try again, this time using the ADHD method, but now I’m feeling like I’m too busy to watch any now. I’ve also spent time looking at and reading others scripts to get some ideas, but I just feel too unmotivated and busy to do it. I think my unmotivation may come from my mother saying that shifting is the work of the devil to possess me. But I’ve done research and I know it’s not, and until recently I believed that God was real. But I think the fear and guilt is still eating at me from her words. And I’m worried about what will happen in my DR and I’m just a bundle of conflicting feelings and thoughts.

I would just like some advice if you have any please. You don’t have to answer me or even acknowledge me, but I would really appreciate it if you would. I’m sorry for venting on you like this and dropping my problems on you. I don’t even know if you take asks like this, I just found your blog like 10 minutes ago. Um, I identify as she/her and you can cal me Ash, just in case you do answer this and would wish to write my pronouns or name for something regarding this ask.

I haven’t been on tumblr for a while and I am so sorry if you sent this ages ago and I’m just now answering this! But hi Ash! Please don’t apologize for anything! You are welcomed here and it’s a safe space

I grew up in a family that is very familiar with such things as shifting and other umbrella terms and things that are similar. Spiritual wise and other aspects. I do have other family that say the same exact thing your mother is saying but I try not to let it bother me because deep down I know it’s not, people use this as a way to heal their traumas as well or get closure. It’s okay to feel these things! I promise it is. I still have the same things go thru my head even with knowing all that I know.

And to help on the scripting part, I have the same exact problem! but I promise you that it won’t affect anything and you can even go without a script. It’s not required at all!

I’m sending you energy waves of love and light! It’s okay to feel this way, and I’m actually in your shoes right now even when I’ve shifted numerous times both alone and with my sister and heard my mother’s stories.

People use shifting as spiritual work as well, it can be used for a variety of things.

Things like this can sound so bizarre to others and even to myself when I was young and heard it all from great grandmother. it’s not what were taught and to know in daily life so it may seem like it’s forbidden / it’s bad, but it is apart of our daily life! we do it all the time and sometimes the same people say they wish they could go back in time / or the future to see if they chose another decision, how would it turn out? but they don’t want to believe there is a way, and I understand everyone’s view points.

I’m so sorry that I didn’t reply so soon especially the time you sent this first, I would’ve immediately answered but this app was deleted. But things happen for a reason and timing is never coincidental!