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eartht137 · 3 years ago

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FOR THE BETTER pt II

Hey curvies, glad you liked the first part of my story yay. I now bestow upon you part 2. I went a bit out of the way with this chapter, but I hope you like it. The singing part is something I did in class once on a whim, it didn't work as good as I described in the story, I still had to submit my work LOL. Enjoy my little curvies MMMMWWWahHHH!

Dark Clark Kent x (Black)!Plus Size Reader SUMMARY: Mr. Kent said friends til the end of the week right? Think again. Y/n, still getting used to having Mr. Kent as a friend, is trying to be a bit more bold. She's trying to adjust to change and even though sometimes he may seem a bit pushy, she doesn't mind, its all friendship right? He'll back off after awhile right?

You walked in class, no paper in hand and you refused to meet Clarks disappointed gaze. You weren't the only one without a paper but you were really nervous about the presentation you had up your sleeve. You just hoped it made sense. "Alright, looks like we're getting speeches today. Who wants to go first? Hmm?" He said with his hands on his hips. No one volunteered. "Am I going to have to voluntell somebody?" he gave you "the look" over his glasses. Your heart pounded in your chest, but you shakily stood as first volunteer. "Alright Miss Y/l/n, lets hear it." You could hear disappointment dripping in his voice, but you wanted to do this. You took a deep breath, and started to sing. 'Hello darkness my old friend, I've come to talk with you again, because a vision softly creeping left its seed while I was sleeping, and the vision that was planted in my brain, still remains. Within the sound!!!!!!!!! Of silence.' you ended making everyone freeze and stare. "My voice is pretty much the best thing I like about me. I-I didn't think a paper could put in words what my voice could. Th-that's my speech." You said awkwardly sitting down. You'd never sang in front of anyone like that before, you hadn't even joined the choir, so singing in front of everyone was a huge step for you. Just as you'd finished processing what you'd done, the classroom erupted in cheers and applause. You were shaking at how many people liked what you'd done. You really began to shake when you saw Clark clapping for you too. "That's my wife!" One of your classmates yelled across the room smiling at you. "Alright, alright. Miss Y/l/n," Clark started. "That's Mrs. Bankston to you." the same classmate yelled out making everyone laugh. Your face heated up a bit. "Miss Y/l/n thank you for the speech. It'll suffice this time, next time I want a paper. Okay, Bankston, you're up next." "Aw Mr. Kent for reals? Like how am I supposed to follow up an act like that? Besides we're duo. Like ebony and ivory..." He serenaded holding his hand out toward you, making you giggle. "Mr. Bankston Miss Y/l/n has fantastic gpa in comparison, so seeing as your such a duo I would've expected a lot better." Clark shaded calmly, "So unless you want it to suffer any further, I suggest you cut the crap and give your speech." Clark said a bit irritated. The rest of class was filled with boring speeches from classmates who weren't even prepared to do their work. When class was dismissed, you tried easing out of the room without being noticed. "Uh, Miss Y/l/n, my office please?" He said looking over his glasses at you. You inwardly groaned and went back to his office. "So, what excuse do you have for not doing your paper?" "I honestly couldn't come up with the words to describe how it felt to use my voice. I tried I really did, but honestly, I really just couldn't find the words to describe what I like about me when-I just couldn't find the words." "Y/n, you do not give yourself enough credit. You're a very good writer and obviously an incredible singer. You can be whatever-" "Clark, do I look like a singer to you? No I don't, that's why I write, I know my words have more impact behind the scenes." You said with strength. You didn't have to be seen to be heard. "You can be whatever you want to be and you'll have my support every step of the way. That's what friends, real friends do." "Clark we are not still friends, we said til the end of the week." you shook your head at him with a smile. He smiled and stuffed his hands in his pocket. "Sorry, I'm not going away." "Figures." You laughed a bit. "What are you doing tonight? We could have a movie night." "Will Lois be there?" You asked excited. "I can ask her if you want me to." "I guess it'd be cool, but for like 30 minutes though." "Y/n no movie lasts 30 minutes. Nice try though." he laughed. "We'll be over at 8." "'Kay bye!" You said rushing out of his office off to your next class. That night at 8 on dot a knock came to your door, you answered expecting to see the couple standing there but was a bit shocked to

just see Clark. "Hey, Lois coming by later?" You asked, the last you wanted was to cause drama. "No she's following a lead on a story for the front page. She says she's sorry and she'll catch up next time." He said walking past with bags of groceries. "Oh, well let me help you." You said motioning at the bags in his hands. "I've got it, its pretty heavy." "I swear I honestly thought you'd be bringing a pizza." you chuckled. "Where's your table?" "Table?" You asked head tilted to the side. "Where you eat, the dining table?" he asked sitting the groceries on your counter. "Haha, you have a table for guests. I never have anyone over, so I just sit in front of the tv." you said pointing at your couch. He rolled his eyes at you and huffed. "Oh come on don't look at me crazy, I warned you that I was anti." "That's no excuse." he mumbled as he opened your refrigerator. "Y/n, you don't have any food in here." He fussed. "I do, its in the freezer and the pantry." you defended. "Two chimichangas, a pint of ice cream, Nutella, animal crackers, soda, and ramen. That's not food." He fussed even harder. "Okay dude chill, I'm a working grown college student. I don't eat here much anyway I eat at work, and Nutella is sustainable to my everyday existence." You said yanking the hazelnut spread away before he threw it away. He shook his head as he put the food away. "How long has it been since you've had a hot home cooked meal?" "Last week at your mom's." you shrugged. "I'm glad I brought real food to cook." he fussed on. "Clark, we could've just ordered pizza." you said starting to feel a bit bad for not adulting enough. "We could've, but I wanted to cook for you." He turned and looked at you pleading. "Please tell me you have pots and pans." "God Clark I'm hopeless not an idiot." You joked laughing obnoxiously making him roll his eyes at you. You showed him where everything was and he started cooking. You offered to help, be wanted to cook for you. You sat up the snacks an pulled up Netflix so you could choose a movie. He made his way over to you with a glass of wine. You took a sip and dramatically fell to the ground, pretending to die by poisoned wine. He got down on the floor with you and you looked at the height difference of his head by your feet and your head at the middle of his thighs and started laughing making him laugh like you'd never heard. After you both calmed down you laid there staring at the ceiling like there were stars hovering. "You really do have an amazing voice." Clark said cutting the peaceful silence. You couldn't help but smile. "Thanks....friend." You said nudging him in his thigh with your elbow. You both stayed silent until you gasped making him almost jump out of his skin. "What?" he said worried. "Can I sing at you and Lois' wedding?" You asked catching him off guard. "Oh come on, you love her, I can see it, " You said sitting up and smiling down at him. "and you both look so beautiful together." You stood tall and put your hands on your hips in "Superman" fashion. "Since I'm your friend I give her the golden stamp of, put a ring on it!" You said holding out your thumb. "Okay, I'm picking gonna pick the movie." You said marching to the couch. "That's not fair, I'm cooking I should get to pick the movie." He standing to check on his food. "We could've ordered pizza." You rebutted. "I'm your guest." he shot back with a shit eating grin. "Shit! Fine, you get to pick the movie." "Well I'll pick it after we eat." "Aww what? The tv's right there." You pointed. He looked over his glasses at you. "I don't even have a table." you argued. "You've got an argument for everything don't you?" He said chuckling. "You've got a coffee table, we'll make it work. Do you have a candle?" He said looking around before looking at you. You were there with your hands on your hips, looking at him like-'you know damn well.' He shook his head at your for the millionth time making you giggle a bit. He set the table and poured you another glass of wine. "You know this stuff gets better the more you

drink it." You said gulping the glass down and holding it out for more. "Mm-hmm." He agreed taking a sip of his own while pouring you more. You took a bite of you food, you immediately stood and clapped. "You were right, this is way better than pizza, although pizza is still good, this is amazing. "So what genre do you like most?" He asked. "Horror, I don't know why I watch it though, I always spook myself afterwards." "Okay so no horror." "No, wait please? I won't get scared tonight I promise. I mean unless you want to watch cartoons?" "We'll watch something scary." "Yaaaaay!!!!" you cheered and went to reach for the remote to your tv. "Ah, after we finish dinner and clean up." "Deal!" You said a bit excited. Once dinner was done and you'd both cleaned, even though you told him you'd do all the cleaning, he still helped. Afterwards you both sat and watched a scary movie that had you stress eating and jumping every two seconds. After that movie ended, Clark suggested another movie to help you not feel so spooked. You'd lost count of how many glasses of wine you'd had and you were feeling tipsy and tired. "Hey friend?" You hummed. "Hm?" "I fuckin hate to admit this, but I'm drunk. I'm glad we're friends. You better be glad too." you fussed at him. "I am glad," he laughed, "I really am." He said staring at you. "Good, cause you're the only person I can tolerate. Oh, and Lois....oh and that your mom, I really like your mom....oh and that cute guy from class." you giggled making Clark roll his eyes in disgust. "Y/n please." "What? He's cute, he's an idiot, that doesn't change that he's cute." You said looking at your phone. Your eyes grew big as you saw the time. "Dude its past midnight. Don't you need get home and rest for lecture?" He stared at you for a moment and you could tell he didn't want to go home, but you both knew he had to. "Yeah I'm sure I could use some rest." He said getting up to leave. You tried to get him to take the rest of the food he'd bought with him, but he refused. "Well thanks for dinner's meals and be safe. Do you need me to walk you out?" "Absolutely not, how about I see you off to bed?" "I look five to you? Don't even answer that." You sassed. He laughed and gave you a long hug, telling you how proud of you he was for using your voice and for letting him be your friend. You squirmed out of his arms pretending it was burning you. He ruffled your fro' and you gave him a playful nudge out the door. That night as you laid in bed trying to fall asleep, you kept thinking about Clark and no matter how hard you tried to shake it you couldn't help but fawn over him and how close you both had gotten so fast. 'Girl puh-lease, he's got Lois, she's beautiful and thin. He's happy with her and there's no way he'd even bat an eye at you like that. Don't even get it twisted.' you scolded yourself internally. You couldn't allow yourself to catch feelings for him that way because you knew you'd only end up with hurt feelings. You also didn't want to break up a happy relationship. 'How'd he know I needed groceries though?' you thought to yourself, 'Maybe just a hunch.' you dismissed. Soon with your mind going in 50 different directions, you were tired enough to fall asleep. "Goodnight little bird." Clark said as he watched you finally drift off to sleep. He wondered what thoughts plagued your brain that kept you awake. He hoped you'd thought of him. After making sure every inch of you apartment was safe inside and out he felt satisfied enough to go home and get a bit of rest. 'No harm in making sure she's safe' he thought as he finally took off. 'I'll always make sure she's safe.'

#dark clark kent #x black reader #plus size reader #character development

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andrewmoocow · 4 years ago

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Steven Universe: The Fantastic Mutants chapter 4: The Deadpool and Peridot Show (originally posted on August 29, 2020)

AN: Welcome back to The Fantastic Mutants everyone. This is a very special chapter because here I have a co-writer, whether I like it or not.

Surprise everyone, it's me Deadpool! Since this kid refuses to get his writing done quickly, I've taken it upon myself to "help" him out since no one can understand me better than me. Now then, back to my cohost here.

Yes, Deadpool of all people has decided to help me. Though I'd rather do all of this myself without any distractions.

Kinda like how this author's note is distracting us from the actual main event! Now let's just get this rolling already!

We begin on a talk show set in a blank white space, inhabited solely by a drop-dead handsome mercenary dressed in a beautiful shade of red with hints of black that was currently tearing it apart for no good reason. You know him, you love him, it's the sexiest anti-hero to have ever graced this dying industry, Deadpool.

"Thank you, thank you all!" yours truly bowed for an unseen audience as he finished tearing the set apart. "Now if all y'all have been lying under a rock since like, I don't know, '91, I am known as Wade Winston Wilson. I was created by Rob Liefeld and Fabian Niecieza for The New Mutants #98 in February 199-"

"Wade, I believe everyone knows who you are already." My white thinky-box, represented by a bold underline, cut me off. "You're already an Internet legend and of course, there's Ryan Reynolds."

"Can we just can the prologue already?" my yellow thinky-box, also represented by underlining but this time it was in italics. "There's gotta be people coming here solely for us who don't know what's going on."

"Okay wiseguys, you asked for it." the man who looked like a cross between Ryan Reynolds and a Shar-Pei underneath that creepily adorable mask replied. "So in case you guys are just joining us, this is a crossover with the modern classic with some of the most psycho fans in the Internet, Steven Universe." I explained. "Last chapter, our smol sunshine baby of a protagonist was kidnapped by the Master of Magnetism Magneto for some most likely evil science experiment by our favorite evil dictator with a superiority complex to compliment his tiny dick, Doctor Doom. In response, the Crystal Gems have decided that they need more hands on deck, and more characters than this story already needs."

"What does he want this to be, the DC Extended Universe?"

"I'd watch that mouth if I were you buddy." I called the dialogue box out. "Our author here has had experiences with those fans. If that Englishman can think he's free to call MCU fans Marvel Zombies, than he's free to have his own opinion. But someone that fanatical deserves to be called something similar, like a DCheep! Get it, because he's a sheep!"

"Can we please move on? This recap has already taken up two pages and I got real-life things to do." The author begged Wade.

"Okay, okay! Let's get this started already, keep your pants on!" the masked macho-man declared, marching off stage in an alluring fashion. "Cue scenery!"

Not too far from Westchester County, there was a shitty apartment where dwelled the hideously scarred human mutate, Wade Wilson. He was out like a light after the badass battle to the death he totally had last night, no joke. Not even a chimichanga could wake him up, and he didn't care that much for them. Yeah, no joke.

"Come on you sack 'a crap, wake up!" his blind, black, elderly roommate Blind Al groaned while fishing Wade out of bed with a snow shovel. "How much off-screen carnage puts you this much to sleep?"

"Enough for readers to get a glimpse of what I do in my spare time." Deadpool declared as he woke up, looking like he had a fantastic night's sleep. "Morning Al, off to do a crossover, see ya later!" he hurriedly greeted the old woman before leaving his room.

"Should I tell him he's not wearing pants?" Al muttered to herself. "Naw, he'll figure it out himself."

And figure it out he did. Immediately after that scene, Deadpool was wandering around the street fully clothed and ready to get this chapter over with.

"So, can we have our co-stars please show themselves?"

The author complied by dropping Connie, Peridot, Lapis Lazuli, Bismuth and Nephrite into the scene. "Wait, how did we get here?" Peridot wondered aloud. "And who are you?"

"Ooh, I get to hang with everyone's favorite character!" Deadpool cheered. "I've been writing up jokes about the fans I've been wanting to say for quite a while." He added to the readers while searching his hammerspace for cue cards. "Let me see, Molotov cocktail, big-ass cartoon bomb, reminder to sue Marvel & Capcom for leaving me out of Infinite, God knows how many machine guns."

"Uh, while you're looking for whatever it is you want, let me introduce myself." Connie introduced herself. "My name is Connie, pleased to meet you."

"Hey, can you put your cue-card search on hold and say hi to the kid?"

"Ah, here they are!" Deadpool declared as he fished a series of flashcards from seemingly his butt. "Been wanting to do this for ages." He said before clearing his throat, and he began to read off of them.

"Here are some complaints I have heard about Steven Universe. Complaint #1: literally no one can stay on-model because storyboarding is the devil. Complaint #2: Rebecca Sugar is a total butchphobic abuse supporter because she treats Jasper like crap and lets Lapis off the hook despite the fact that she's even worse."

"Please note that these are clearly not the opinions of the author. He's just been around Tumblr a lot and knows just how these so-called 'fans' think."

"Who said that?" Bismuth wondered aloud. "Oh hey, Bismuth!" Wade exclaimed as he just took notice of her. "That reminds me, Complaint #3: Making Bismuth an antagonist in any way, shape or form is racist because all minorities are pretty little angels than must be defended at all costs despite the facts that we're all human beings who have the potential to be complete balls to the wall sociopathic!"

"Okay, now you're just being used as a mouthpiece for the author. Hey buddy, can you stop him by introducing your version of the X-Force?!"

As a way to shut him up, the writer dropped the X-Force into the current scene on top of Deadpool. Their members, aside from Wilson, consisted of big names like Cable, Domino, Bob & Psylocke, to those who are only familiar to movie-watchers like Copycat, Negasonic Teenage Warhead, Yukio, Bedlam & Shatterstar, and even Outlaw & Fantomex!

"How did we get here?" Cable asked the other black-ops mutants as he got up. "Oh hey Natey, knew you'd come along sooner or later!" Wade greeted his cybernetic compadre. "I was just getting myself introduced to these characters that we'll be paired up with for this crossover."

"Hi, I'm Bob, Wade's best friend!" the HYDRA agent Bob cheerfully introduced himself. "Name's Domino." Neena Thurman responded.

"A pleasure to meet you, dearest jeune fille bleue." Fantomex greeted Lapis in a gentlemanly fashion. "You may call me Fantomex. "

"Charmed." Lapis replied.

"Wow, everyone wants Lapis! First Fandral, and now Fanto."

"Can you blame her? She's the writer's fave and top SU waifu! Favoritism much?"

"Name's Negasonic Teenage Warhead." Ellie Phimster introduced herself. "This here is Yukio." She added gesturing to a Japanese girl with pink hair and a big smile. "Hi there!"

"I'm Wade's girlfriend Vanessa, though a lot of people call me Copycat since that's my power." Vanessa stated. "Yeah, totally original."

"Call me Bedlam." Bedlam stated. "And this here is Shatterstar. Unlike the rest of us, he's an alien from the Mojoverse."

"And finally, these are Outlaw and Psylocke." Shatterstar gestured to the cowgirl and the ninja in the one piece. "Nice to meet ya." Inez Temple greeted. "Indeed." Betsy Braddock added.

"So, what brings you to my neck of the woods?" Deadpool asked Connie. "Don't give too much away, cause I already got a basic knowledge of what happened last chapter."

"Chapter?" Connie tilted her head in confusion. "Steven was kidnapped only an hour ago! What do you think this is, some kind of story?"

"You'd be surprised Girl-Who-Wasn't-Actually-Dressed-As-Gohan-In-That-One-Episode." The Merc with a Mouth grinned underneath his mask. Before anyone could move on however, a stereotypical overweight nerd who looks like he doesn't get out much wheeled in on an automated scooter with a plate of brownies in front of him. "And you are?"

"I am simply an SU Critical that wants to congratulate you for making my voice heard." The nerd congratulated Deadpool. "As a way of saying thanks, have some brownies."

"I get it! Deadpool won some brownie points!"

"Don't explain the joke dumbass. The punchline should be coming up now."

As Wade snacked on the brownies, he came to realize something was wrong with them. "Hey wait a second. Yo, stereotype! Why do these brownies taste like literal dogshit?!"

"That's my secret ingredient!" the nerd revealed, much to Wade's disgust and he angrily tossed the brownies on the ground. "It's to symbolize how I believe Steven Universe has gone bad ever since the barn arc ended since absolutely nothing can compare to the amazing character development Peridot got!"

"Oh, it's so nice to see someone notice my splendidness!" Peridot blushed as she felt humbled by the nerd. "Of course, then they had to devolve her into a mindless comic relief who only-"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING MINDLESS COMIC RELIEF YOU CLOD?!" the small Gem shrieked furiously before she pounced on the basement dweller and began choking him. "I'll teach you to talk back to me immediately after giving my praises you hypocrite!"

As Peridot continued assaulting the nerd, everyone else watched in either shock, bemusement or in Deadpool's case, pride. "I think I want to be her new bestest friend already."

"But I thought we were friends!" Bob weeped sadly while Bedlam gave him a comforting pat on the head.

"And now it's time for a cutaway gag!"

"Cutaway gags? You gotta be kidding me, we're not Family Guy!"

"Just let the writer do his thing man, it's his imagination!"

"Come on Willy, I know you can do it!" a child version of Deadpool called to a whale in a scene that is clearly a reference to a certain all-time classic "Boy and his non-human friend" story. However just as Willy finally leaped over the rock Wade was standing on, he was immediately harpooned in midair and dragged towards a pirate ship manned by Captain Ahab. "Hey, wrong whale story Habbo Hotel!"

"After so many years of searching, that accursed whale is now mine to profit off!" Ahab and his crew celebrated their capture. "I'm talking sequels and an animated series to start, but the sky's the limit!"

"This ain't the last you'll see of me Old Thunder!" Wade cursed the sea captain as he made off with his prize. "I'll bring that whale home, just you wait!"

"Okay, that's a pretty unique idea for a gag. But seriously, back to the show."

"So, we're here because Magneto has kidnapped Steven with a bunch of Sentinels." Connie recapped to Deadpool while they were out and about in the city. "Now that you know what we're doing, can you tell us what you do?"

"I'm glad you asked Connie." Deadpool declared. "Allow me to explain the only way you Steven Universe characters probably know how. IN SONG!"

"Wait, a musical number, in a fanfiction?! Seriously?!"

"Hey shut it, this is gonna be good!"

"Lights please." Wade announced, shutting off the lights with a snap of his fingers, and turning them back on with another snap. He was now dressed as an Elvis impersonator with Cable, Domino, Bob and Copycat as his band. "What song do you plan on playing?" Vanessa asked her boyfriend.

"Just watch and listen." Wade responded, and began playing a parody of a classic movie song. "Here I go!" he started singing while Cable provided backup on the drums. "Woo! Ah-ha, ah-ha, let me show you what I work with!"

"Well Gambit was in league with a bunch of thieves, Cyclops has almost two thousand tales!" For his first act of insanity, the Regenerating Degenerate made about fifty longboxes filled with comics appear for Peridot & Lapis to rifle through. As soon as they discovered one with Wade fighting a vampire bat creature on the cover titled "Deadpool: The Gauntlet," the Deadpool on the cover continued the song.

"Well my friends, you're in luck cause up your sleeves, you got a kind of guy that never fails!" After Deadpool emerged from the issue Peridot was holding, he shot down various villains emerging from the other comics while singing.

"You got a real badass in your corner now, a real Wolverine type in your camp!" he then demonstrated by transforming his face into that of Logan's and then back again before letting bullets rain from above. "He can shoot, kablam! Bullets galore, all you gotta do is say my name!" Wade crooned. "And I'll say: 'Miss Peridot and Lapis Lazuli, what will your pleasure be?'"

As he sat the Gems down on a beach blanket, Deadpool then assumed pirate attire and set a heavy treasure chest on the ground. "Just give me a guy and I'll shoot him down, you ain't had a mercenary like me!"

Peridot began to excitedly open the chest while Lapis rolled her eyes. "Life's like a treasure chest," Wade's disembodied voice continued. When the treasure box was opened, the mercenary exploded out of it and made gold fly everywhere. "AND I'M GONNA BE YOUR KEY!"

Unlike her smaller partner, Lapis was still not amused. "C'mon, whisper to me what you want," Wade kept crooning, followed by splitting himself into four smaller Deadpools. "You ain't had a mercenary like me!"

"Contractors pride ourselves on service." One of the mini-Wades stated, and then they merged into the prime Wilson while spawning a lavish couch for his two guests. "You girls the hoss, the queens, the Shah! No matter what you wish, I'll be your bitch! How 'bout a few chimichangas?"

"Have some of Sample A, try all of Sample B!" Following the chimichanga rain, Peridot and Lapis were handed free samples at a supermarket before they found themselves on a velvet pillow held by Wade. "Anytime, any day, I'll help you babes. You ain't had a mercenary like me!"

A brief dance number then ensued between Deadpool and his hands. His left hand vocalized and the degenerate replied with an "Oh my!" When the right hand started singing, it was responded with "No no!" Both hands harmonized and they got a "Ha ha ha!" They sandwiched Deadpool between them as he peaced out with a "Zip-a-dee doo-dah!"

When Deadpool returned, he pointed straight at Peridot. "Give me a good badda-yadda-yadda!"

"Badda-yadda-yadda!" Peridot excitedly repeated. "Good, scotty-wop!" Wade then pointed to Lapis. Her reply was more unsure. "Uh, scotty-wop?"

"Everybody now!" Deadpool compelled the readers. "Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo!"

"Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo!" the readers answered excitedly.

"Yeah, y'all got it!" Wade congratulated before proceeding to demonstrate his healing factor. "Can your friends do this?" he asked, casually dislocating his arms. "Can your friends do that?" he added, ripping out his spinal cord to bounce on it like a certain stuffed tiger. "Can your friends pull this?" With that, Wade tore his skeleton out of his body and started dancing the Charleston with it. "Out a little hat?!"

Suddenly, Wade's skeleton started filling itself with dynamite sticks on the verge of exploding. "CAN YOUR FRIENDS GO-" The human mutate was interrupted as the TNT exploded, and the clouds gave way to him beatboxing while doing a silly dance.

"Call me the Merc with a Mouth, I am always there. North, West, East and South! So don't sit there slackjawed, all buggy-eyed! I'm here to answer all ya evening prayers!" he continued. "You got me bona-fide certified! A hired gun for your charge affair!"

"I got a powerful urge to help you out! So who's gonna die? I really need to know!" Deadpool said as the song began to reach its climax while pulling a long strip of paper from Peridot's mouth and began rubbing his bottom with it. "You got a list that's three miles long no doubt. So all you gotta do is pay-wayho!"

For the final setpiece, Peridot and Lapis now stood atop a mountain of dead Marvel characters that are so obscure, not even the most hardcore fans knew a thing about them. "Miss Peridot and Lapis Lazuli, what will your pleasure be?" Wade asked tunefully. Peridot then picked up one body, and its head suddenly turned into Deadpool's. "Anytime anyplace, I'll help you babes."

A few bodies rose from the dead, only for Deadpool to shoot them all down. "You ain't had a mercenary, never had a mercenary." He concluded. "You ain't had a mercenary, never had a mercenary."

Bullets once again began raining, along with all sorts of violent weapons as the song finally ended. "YOU AIN'T, HAD A, MERCE-NARY LIIIII-IIIIIKE MEEEEE!"

With the X-Force performing a kickline to finish things off, Deadpool pulled on a string dangling from above. "You ain't had a mercenary like me!" A flickering neon applause sign dropped down, capping off the rather pointless number.

"Well, that was a waste of time that'll never be spoken of again."

"Sincerest apologies to Alan Menken, Howard Ashman and especially Robin Williams. He would've been 69 this year. NICE!"

"Okay you generic-looking monster, time to discover who you truly are!" Connie declared to a captured Sasquatch while she, Peridot, Deadpool, Lapis and Cable were dressed as a certain band of meddling kids and their voracious canine pal. Connie ripped off the Sasquatch's head to reveal that it was a mask worn by an evil parrot with a scar across his face.

"Zoinks! Like, it's a parrot!" Deadpool declared in a beatnik voice. "Wait, a parrot? Is that all?"

"Far from it mein friends!" the parrot answered in a German accent. Suddenly, large robots kicked the walls around them down. "Behold, my Nazi robots!"

"N-Nazi robots?" Lapis stuttered. "Jeepers, this is just getting too weird."

Deadpool then glanced expectantly at Cable, who groaned while pushing up his glasses. "C'mon Cabey, say the line!" he exhorted the cyborg. With a heavy groan, Cable quietly said "Jinkies, run."

"He's right, let's split up gang!" Connie commanded, and the crew were off to the races. After passing by the same flowerpot approximately five times because there wasn't that much in the budget, the five came across a hallway littered with doors.

When Deadpool and Peridot burst into one door, they came out of another not too faraway, same with the others. However at the end of a door, they came across a blue digital ghost with yellow eyes & teeth and a grainy laugh.

"Ruh roh, rit's Rames Rarles the Rindly Rohnny!" Peridot exclaimed, making every word she spoke begin with R before she coughed. "How does anyone speak like this?" she asked Wade. "Because speech impediments are funny!" the mercenary replied. "Now let's move!"

"Seriously, why can't I be Fred?!" Cable complained while emerging from another door with Deadpool by his side instead of Lapis. "Connie gets the cool ascot, and all I'm left with is this bulky sweater and a short skirt!"

"Well for one, that skirt actually looks pretty cute on you." Wade answered with a stupidly cheeky grin on his face. Before anyone else could charge through more doors, zombie cats and dinosaurs that could move without thinking came charging in. "Wow, Scooby-Doo became a lot weirder than when I was a youngin."

Returning to the real world, the Crystal Temps and the X-Force have just plowed through an entire armed squadron inhabiting a conveniently abandoned office building and now had their leader tied up in a chair. "We ain't gonna let all those hallway fights amount to nothing!" Wade declared holding the squadron leader at gunpoint. "We've tried every torture technique in the book: eating your own food, threatening your family, doing a silly dance to some awesome music and yet still you won't talk!" he exclaimed. "So let me ask this again! What does the guy who gave Magneto & Doctor Doom those Sentinels look like?"

"What?" the gunman asked nervously, causing Wade to smash another wall. "WHAT COUNTRY ARE YOU FROM?!" the mercenary shrieked. "What?" the captive continued squeaking. "WHAT AIN'T NO COUNTRY I EVER HEARD OF!" Deadpool yelled. "THEY SPEAK ENGLISH IN WHAT?!"

"What?" the man said a third time. "ENGLISH MOTHER-" Deadpool began, but then he noticed the T-rating and groaned. "ENGLISH YOU BASTARD, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!" he reiterated. "YES!" the gunman finally said something other than what. "THEN YOU MUST KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" Deadpool kept yelling. "WHAT DOES YOUR MASTER LOOK LIKE?!"

"We could just beat the info outta him and be done with it." Bedlam advised. "No need for all this Pulp Fiction parody crap."

"Was I talking to you?" Wade asked his teammate tersely before going back to his captive. "Now where was I? Oh yeah! Does he look like a bitch?"

"Now you're just skipping lines!" the gunman squealed in defiance. "What else do you wanna do with me?!"

"Okay, I got another question for you." Wade stated. "Have you had your prostate exam lately?"

"What?" the gunman muttered, fearing what could come next. "In fact, I got just the girl to help me." Wade declared. "Hey Connie, your MILF of a mom is a doctor right? Surely you must know what I'm talking about!"

"Yeah, pretty much!" Connie answered. "Here, lend me your sword. We might need to operate." Deadpool said as he menacingly snapped on a pair of rubber gloves. "Hey author, why don't we cut to another scene before this gets too violent?"

"Now then, what are we working with he-There it is!"

"AUGH!"

Elsewhere, a stereotypical shadowy figure watched from a large video screen as the X-Force tore through his mercenaries. "That masked maniac is onto us!" he growled quietly while pounding his fist on an armrest and turned his chair to face Ruckus, Gorgeous George, Hairbag, Ramrod & Slab, the Nasty Boyz. "You five track him & those rainbow women down and kill them all!"

"Yes sir." The Nasty Boyz complied and set off for the Merc with a Mouth. "Now where do you suppose the merc could be now?" Hairbag asked his fellow Boyz. "My best guess, he's probably at that Hellhouse run by Patch." the Southern-accented Slab theorized. "Hopefully they have room for his head as a trophy."

"Well here we are at Saint Margaret's School for Wayward Children." Deadpool decreed as he suddenly parked a limo that he totally always had in front of the mercenary dispatch center he loved frequenting. "I suggest you try not to look at some of its inhabitants funny, some of them can get a little ballistic."

Entering the bar, the two teams had all eyes on them by all the other mercs at the establishment. "Uh, hello there." Connie nervously greeted one of them. "I don't think you're old enough to be here little girl." The mercenary replied ominously. "Don't worry Jessica, they're with me." Deadpool told the larger man. "So, where's Weasel?"

"Right here old buddy!" the bespectacled bartender called for Wade. "Hey, Weasel!" Wade exclaimed to his old friend while sitting down at the bar and exchanging a fistbump. "I see you're doing well Poolboy." Weasel said to his friend. "And who's the green midget with you?"

"This is Peridot, a member of the Crystal Gems." Shatterstar introduced Peridot. "Oh, you mean those rock ladies that creamed those Chitauri only to get creamed by Thanos?" Weasel asked, making Peridot pretty mad. "Hey, we creamed Thanos right back!"

"We're looking for information sir." Connie said to Weasel. "A friend of mine has been captured by Magneto & Doctor Doom using those Sentinel robots, and we want to know where they've come from."

"You want confidential info little girl?" the barkeep stated. "Go see Multiple Man over there at that poker table, he's usually the guy to talk to since he's a detective."

"Yet one mystery he can't solve is the mystery of why he can never get his own movie."

"ZING!"

At a nearby poker table, Jamie Madrox and some of his duplicates were playing cards with the albino mutant Caliban, and the four Jamies clearly had the upper hand. "All in!" one of the clones declared shoving his chips into the pot. "I know you are cheating Madrox." Caliban informed his opponent. "I mean, there are literally four of you!"

Just then, Deadpool abruptly shot one of the clones dead and sat down where he once was. "Deal me in." he simply declared as if nothing happened. "Caliban welcomes you Mr. Pool." Caliban nervously greeted the regenerating degenerate. "And who is your little friend?"

"You may call me Peridot, the suave, attractive and positively adorable leader of the Crystal Gems!" Peridot introduced herself arrogantly. "So, you more members of the X-Men? Haven't seen you around the mansion."

"Actually, we're members of a different team of mutants." Madrox replied, while his surviving doubles sadly carried their dead comrade away. "There are actually quite a lot of them you see. X-Factor; the one we're a part of, X-Statix, Excalibur, Generation X, the Morlocks and most famously Alpha Flight."

"Half of them sound so late 20th to early 21st century." Peridot commented. "I mean, X-Statix? Talk about totally cool dudes!"

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. "Is this Saint Margaret's? We'd like to have a word with the owner." A voice came from the other side, catching all the patrons and employees off-guard. All was quiet, but then the Nasty Boyz came crashing through the wall instead of the door. "LET'S GET NASTY!" they all cried out, springing into action.

"Alright, what the shit is going on here?!" Bob "Patch" Stirrat, the elderly owner of Saint Margaret's growled, emerging from another room while stroking his big bushy mustache. "Oh god, it's the Nasty Boyz."

"The Nasty Boyz?" Peridot and Lapis repeated in unison before they laughed at the evil mutant team's name. Suddenly, the wood tables of the bar came to life and changed their form thanks to Ramrod, who used them to restrain everyone aside from Deadpool. "Okay boys, frisk him."

On Ramrod's orders, Gorgeous George used his shapeshifting powers to grab Wade by the ankles and dangle him above the ground. "Let's see what he's got here." Ruckus muttered, fishing through the belongings dropped as Wade was shaken up and down. "Various pistols, swords, nunchucks, staves, forks, a bazooka."

"Most of those were from a Ninja Turtles convention I went to last year." Wade revealed. "Don't know where the bazooka came from."

"Rubber chicken, five month old bag of pizza pockets; that are still warm," Slab continued for his teammate. "Ryan Reynolds's phone number, large collection of nude selfies from Thumbelin-WHAT?!"

To Slab's absolute shock and fury, he found an overfilled file of lewd pictures taken by his sister Kristina Anderson with her phone number on it, along with a message saying "I bet you want more, my raging sex machine!" Crushing the file in his hand, Slab furiously glared at Deadpool. "Wilson, you son of a bitch!"

"Geez Chris, I thought you had a sense of humor." Wade grinned cheekily. "After all, SHE'S YOUR SISTER!" Then like Thor returning Mjolnir to his hand, the mercenary wiggled his fingers to call one of his katana blades back and free himself from Gorgeous George before rescuing his friends. "SSSSSSmokin'!" he hissed before spin-dashing out of the bar.

"After that degenerate!" Hairbag exclaimed while Slab frothed in wordless rage and the Boyz gave chase, leaving the bar in tatters. "Hey, which of you assholes is gonna clean this up?!" Patch exclaimed, but then he answered his own question by handing Weasel a broom.

"Everyone, to the Deadpoolmobile!" Deadpool exclaimed as the X-Force and Crystal Temps piled into the limousine from earlier. "Where did you ever get this car anyways?" Bismuth asked him, and he replied. "Don't think about it!"

Far across the city, Robert Kelly was left facepalming and a colleague of his scratching his head when they discovered that one of Kelly's limos was missing, its place taken by a graffiti message saying "I O U".

"I hate that Deadpool." Senator Kelly groaned.

"You get back here this instant you red-masked c-" Slab called for Deadpool as the Nasty Boyz chased them in a stolen taxi, but his cursing was cut off by Deadpool popping out the sunroof of the limousine to open fire on them.

"Wait, if Deadpool is up there, then who is driving?" Connie asked the group, and that's when Yukio made a shocking realization. "Oh my god, Demon Bear is driving!" she exclaimed pointing to a demonic bear that was taking the wheel. "How can that be?!"

"That's right folks, Lawrence Abrams is here to report that the insanely infamous insane mercenary Deadpool has started an intense car chase where he's hijacked a limo belonging to Senator Robert Kelly and is being chased by a group of other mutants called the Nasty Boyz." Lawrence Abrams said on the television at the Baxter Building, where Garnet, Pearl, Colossus and Wolverine had now caught wind of the event. "And there's also some kinda bear driving the limo for some reason. Why's there a bear?! Who gives a damn! And now onto Sally Floyd with politics!"

"Deadpool." Colossus glowered in embarrassment. "Come my friends, we must go and handle this crisis ourselves." He declared while preparing to leave the building. "But you let Connie go on that mission for her optimism." Pearl stated to the metal mutant while setting Reed and Sue's young son Franklin Richards on the floor.

"We know Pearl, but that maniac is a whole 'nother level of unpredictable." Wolverine grumbled. "And there's a high chance Connie's life is at risk here! Right Garnet?"

"Logan is correct. I can see multiple paths where things go horribly wrong." Garnet agreed with Logan. "Oh, you're leaving already?" Franklin's older sister Valeria asked them. "Mom and Dad were just about to introduce you to H.E.R.B.I.E."

"It's alright Valeria, they still have friends to help." Susan assured her daughter. "Go on Gems, we'll catch up with you back at the mansion."

"It's been a pleasure to be shown around the Baxter Building and meeting the kids Sue." Pearl said gratefully and shook the Invisible Woman's hand. "I especially like how Franklin reminds me of Steven."

"Bye Ms. Pearl!" Franklin said goodbye by hugging the tall Gem's leg. "Oh, goodbye to you too Frank." Pearl replied. "Hey, what about me?!" the Four's AI H.E.R.B.I.E exclaimed irritably. "Don't I get anything to say?!"

"Oy Cain, you gotta check this out!" Black Tom called to Juggernaut while he was watching TV. The Brotherhood of Mutants had stopped to refuel their ship and Black Tom had run off on his own when he discovered a TV shop playing the same news report of Deadpool's car chase. "What say we give Deadpool an old one-two before Mags finishes up?"

"You son of a bitch, I'm in!" Juggernaut exclaimed eagerly, giving his teammate a fist-bump that knocked Tom to the ground. "You okay there?"

"We have your limousine surrounded! Come out of the vehicle with your hands in the air!" a police officer barked into a bullhorn as they had Deadpool and pals backed into a corner. "I would make a police brutality joke, but even I know that would be too soon." Wade said to the readers as he screeched the limo to a stop, making donuts on the street and damaging numerous police cars in the process.

"Okay, now you're just either showing off or defying us." The cop with the megaphone japed. Just then, a mighty thud briefly shook the ground. And another. And another. And another. And-

"Quit stalling writer, we know who it is! It's the goddamn Juggernaut!" Deadpool interrupted the third-person omniscient narrator. "Literally everyone and their goddamn long lost relatives know who he is!" The mighty Juggernaut continued inching closer to the fanboying mercenary while the police scattered out of fear of him and Peridot poked her head out the sunroof to see what was up.

"Uh, Wade?" the petite Gem squeaked nervously. "You know who that is right?"

"Didn't I just say that it's ol' Juggernaut?!" Wade exclaimed to his new best friend. "Oh, the things I could say about how much of a badass he is! This guy has beaten the shit outta Cyttorak, the Thing, Colossus, Blob & Thor and even called banging She-Hulk a stalemate! Maybe, that last one was actually a cl-"

Before Deadpool could finish the sentence, Juggernaut grabbed him by the neck with just two fingers and brought him very close to his helmeted face. "Hello Wade." He beamed callously. "Hey Cainy, is that new toothpaste I smell?" Deadpool greeted him nervously. "What flavor is it this time, Feeling Bad About Your Shitty Mutant Powers So You Get New Ones from Cyttorak?"

"Goddamn he went there." Black Tom muttered, only to receive a glare from his partner.

"Deadpool!" Garnet called for the Merc with a Mouth as she, Pearl, Colossus and Wolverine entered the scene. "Oh, hey guys." Peridot nervously waved to her fellow Crystal Gems. "What brings you here?"

"We came here to take control of this current situation." Pearl explained. "No matter how much you want to swear and kill and all sorts of other crass activities, we still need your help in saving a friend of ours."

"I appreciate you want me to be more involved in this story Mordecai," Wade said to Pearl. "but can this wait a bit? I'm currently in the middle of worshipping the Juggernaut, bit-"

However within seconds, Deadpool was mashed into the ground by Juggernaut, leaving only a few scattered body parts lying in a puddle of blood. "Oh, so rude!" his disembodied head declared indignantly. "And to think we were buddies at one time Marky-Mark." He then turned to face the audience one last time before the degenerate would meet his not very possible untimely end. "But since I'm literally nothing but blood, my head, a few fingers, an upper arm and my dick right now, let's lighten the mood a little with some more gags, shall we?"

"As if we didn't waste enough time already."

"I love the smell of 372,844 pancakes in the morning." Deadpool declared as he flipped his last pancake and added it to the growing mountain of pancakes. "Smells like victory!"

"Why on Earth would you need this many pancakes?" Bismuth asked while Deadpool turned on the ceiling sprinklers to pour maple syrup all over each and every one of them at once. "Well, that's pretty clever I'll admit."

"Okay Peridot, ace this test and you're on the team!" Wade, now a coach for the girls' swim team comprised of Lapis, Bismuth, Domino, Warhead, Yukio, Outlaw, Copycat, Psylocke & Nephrite, announced to their soon to be newest member Peridot while she prepared to dive.

"This is it Peri, get this right and you'll make everyone proud!" Peridot muttered to herself while adjusting her cap and gazing at Lapis. As soon as Coach Wade blew the whistle, Peridot leaped into the water…and soon began struggling to keep herself afloat in a very exaggerated manner. "AAAAAGH, SOMEONE HELP! LIFEGUARD, COACH, SOS! THIS WAS A HORRIBLE IDEA!" she shrieked for help before the chlorinated water won out and she sank to the bottom.

"I'll save you!" Cable roared while assuming the role of a lifeguard, preparing to jump in the water after her when Wade stopped him. "No no, wait for the punchline."

When Peridot finally breached the surface, she dramatically gasped for air and then frantically paddled towards the end of the pool, grabbing the ledge with a serious expression on her face. "So, how do you like my swimming?" she asked, acting like nothing had happened. However, no one else was there to answer except for Deadpool. "Hey, where did everyone go?!"

"They jumped ship an hour ago because they were tired of waiting." Wade answered. "But you still get on the team cause you really made me laugh."

"Gotta say Lapis, we got quite a team here." Deadpool remarked proudly to his fellow baseball player Lapis. "Uh, yeah, they're great." Lapis nervously replied while failing to get the joke. "So, who's on first?"

"Yeah, and what's on second." Wade responded eagerly. "No, I want to know who's on first." Lapis continued asking. "Exactly! We already established that who's on first, what's on second and I don't know is third."

"Wait, do you not know their names or are those seriously what they're called?" the ocean Gem asked, causing great irritation for her team captain. "Dammit Lapis, you spoiled the punchline!" he reprimanded her. "In fact, this whole Abbott and Costello tribute was just an excuse to see you dress up as Bob again! I mean, can you blame me with those shorts?"

"Abbott and who now?" Lapis remarked with a raised eyebrow.

"You really need to get out more." Wade deadpanned, lowering his eyelids in response.

"Welcome back one and all to Celebrity Jeopardy." Pearl announced, now dressed as Alex Trebek. "Now before we proceed, I'd like to apologize on the behalf of our contestants to all viewers with rather unusual lifestyles. We here at the studio refuse to judge anyone based on how they live, and sincerely hope you accept our apologies. Now then, let's proceed with our contestants."

Deadpool was in the podium closest to Pearl, now dressed as Sean Connery. "Mr. Connery is in first place with only -1 dollar." Pearl began recapping for the viewers at home. "About as many points as your mother gave you!" Wade cackled.

"Classy." Pearl responded crossly before shining the spotlight on Lewis Black, aka Peridot. "Mr. Black now has a score of, shockingly enough, -6,000 dollars." She explained, prompting the small Gem turned abrasive comedian to climb up on top of her podium in the middle. "Is that enough to buy my own bus?"

"And finally, Josh Brolin, now having raised 35 dollars." Pearl concluded while Juggernaut assumed the role of the aforementioned actor many may know as a certain Mad Titan. "I don't feel so good." Cain muttered. "Damn, walked right into that one!"

"Very well then. With introductions out of the way, let's move onto the board." Pearl stated, moving her eyes from the podiums to the categories. "Tonight our categories are Annals of History, Potent Potables, What Bulls Hit, Jokes, Popular Foreign Television, Places with Names Ending in 'Nia' and Video Games." Deadpool then pressed his buzzer. "Mr. Connery, you have the board."

"I'll take What Bullshit for $500 Al." Wade announced with a stupid grin on his face, clearly misreading the category he had chosen. "And I can tell you plenty of things that are bullshit."

"No, it clearly says What Bulls-" Pearl began to correct the masked contestant before she came to a realization. "Whoa! Okay, walked right into that one. Anyways, the question is: "It is commonly believed bulls are enraged by this color". Mr. Connery?"

"I'll tell you something I've hit recently." Deadpool chortled. "Hit up a few bars over the past week while hanging with your mom. She and I had a wonderful time, if you get what I mean! Wink wink, nudge nudge."

"I don't even have a mother!" Pearl ranted hotly. "And can we please return to what was happening earlier?! These pop culture references are nothing but a waste of time!"

"Thank you!"

"Boldface, you ignorant slut."

"Oh no, Wade!" Peridot yelled for Deadpool as she dashed out the limo to check on the puddle of blood and body parts that was once her new friend. "Please speak to us you clod, you can't die like this!"

"That's because I can't!" Deadpool proudly declared and in a beautiful Disney-like spectacle, slowly reassembled himself until he was the full-bodied lovable manic once again. "Healing factor baby! Got it when some asshole tried to cure my cancer, along with looking like a walking tumor."

"Uh hey, remember us?" the Nasty Boyz cried out in unison, catching the merc's attention. "Oh right, you guys. Gotta wrap up the chapter somehow." As a result, Wade opened fire on the evil mutants, shooting them in the arms, kneecaps and especially their dicks. "Oh and Bismuth, Peridot? You guys got Black Tom & Juggies. I'll take Garnet and Pearl!"

"You got it, I guess." Bismuth complied before she and her little friend squared off with Cassidy & Cain, leaving Wade alone against the senior Crystal Gems.

"Hey, what about us?" Lapis asked the writer, who responded by typing, "Didn't think that far ahead. You guys can just do crowd control."

"Okay Q-Bert and Drinking Bird," Deadpool exclaimed. "you two may have thousands of years of battle experience on your show but in terms of franchise ages, I've been doing this for far longer! There was even a graphic novel trilogy where an actually insane version of me killed the rest of Marvel, tons of classic literature characters and even other versions of me!"

"Do you have any idea what he's saying anymore?" Pearl asked Garnet. "I'm not sure. I fear he may be too unpredictable for us to comprehend!" Garnet answered fearfully. "You can try if you want." Deadpool beckoned them with a silly dance. "But I can assure you that hilarity will ensue!"

Pearl leaped at the Merc with a Mouth, but she was quickly denied a hit when Wade did a pirouette and kicked her in the back, sending her flying into a lamppost. "See, what did I tells ya?!"

Garnet tried her hand at attacking by enlarging her gauntlets & launching them at her foe, but they proved to be useless against him. Deadpool then rapidly fired his gun at Garnet, but she blocked all the bullets with her gauntlets and then finally moved so fast, not even Deadpool could catch her and was punched in the face.

"Wow okay, you got the guts!" Wade yelled while readjusting his head from the hit. "Seems like I really am a bit outmatched by you Garnet. Or maybe a certain someone just wants to make things fair!"

"Come on you maniac, what else can you throw at us?!" Pearl asked pointing her spear. "Oh what else can I throw?" Deadpool replied, letting out a sinister giggle while wearing a pair of shiny glasses and clasping his fingers together. "Let me show you!"

Whipping out his katana blades, Deadpool laughed maniacally while using them to tear the background apart, leaving nothing but a blank white space behind. "WELCOME CRYSTAL GEMS TO MY TURF! I PRESENT TO YOU THE FOURTH WALL, WHERE LOGIC IS JUST AS ILLEGAL AS JAYWALKING!"

"This is starting to remind me of that Uncle person." Pearl muttered in awe. "I thought we promised to never speak of that man again." Garnet instructed the former servant. "Well if he wants to make jokes and talk to the audience, then so can we."

When the two Gems joined hand, there was a bright shimmer as the pair merged into the returning glamorous Sardonyx. "Ladies, gentlemen and everyone in-between, the Gem Hostess with the Mostest has finally returned!" the fusion of Garnet and Pearl announced. "And it seems we have a very special guest star today."

"Sardonyx, huh?" Deadpool muttered while scrolling through the Steven Universe wiki for statistics. "Oh I see, she's here because we can both break the fourth wall!"

"A worthy opponent for you I must say!" Sardonyx chortled before smashing Deadpool in with her hammer. "Of course you realize this means war!" Wade roared, proceeding to whip out numerous cartoon guns, launching them all at once. "RATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA-RATA!" he screamed while launching lead at his fusion foe, following up with a declaration of "Omae wa mou shindeiru."

"N-NANI?!" Sardonyx cried out in shock before she spontaneously combusted with a cry of "HIDEBU!" However, the explosion cleared up and she was perfectly fine. "Psyche! Hammer time!"

Before Sardonyx could hit Deadpool with the hammer again, he disappeared into a cartoon hole like it were a solid object and reappeared out another. "Ha, that Spot douche should take notes from-OH GOD!"

"Anyone up for Whack-A-Mole?!" Sardonyx exclaimed, proceeding to whack her opponent multiple times with her hammer before he vanished and popped out another hole. And another, and another, and another, and another, until the hiding began to tire him out. "Jesus she's good." Wade panted, and then he began to make a plan. "I swore that I would never use this the moment I stole it from those schmoes, but I'm left with no choice!"

Sticking a hand up his red-clad butt, Deadpool pulled it out while holding a small black jewel that seemed similar to the Infinity Stones. "Ough, I also swore to never use it again because looking for it is a literal pain in my ass!"

"That Infinity Stone isn't canon!" Sardonyx objected while sounding like a stereotypical nerd. "Oh it may not be canon my dear, but we're in the Fourth Wall where anything could happen." Deadpool explained deviously. "With this Continuity Stone, I could warp all reality to my whims! I could use it to go back in time and erase One More Day by preventing Civil War from happening, or maybe beat the shit outta that Judas Traveller prick and his butt-buddies! But what I plan on doing now is using this stone to erase you from this reality once and for all!"

"Oh no, I don't feel so good!" Sardonyx dramatically announced as she felt herself fading away. "I'm melting! Melting! Oh what a world, what a world!" With that, the fusion finally vanished and presumably Garnet & Pearl as well. As Deadpool let out a heavy sigh, he suddenly realized that the Continuity Stone was now missing. "What the?! Where did it go!?"

"Looking for something Ninja Spidey?" a familiar voice rang out. Sardonyx was now back to normal and smugly held the Stone in her hand, setting it down like a golfball and swinging it at Deadpool's eye, causing his body to explode.

"Can I at least get one F-bomb in Mr. Author Man? Please?" Wade begged the author by putting on his best puppy dog eyes until his disembodied head landed in one of Sardonyx's hands. "To be or not to be," she began quoting Shakespeare. "That is the question."

"I got a question." The mercenary's head growled angrily. "On a scale from one to ten, how much do you think I FUCKING hate you?"

"Watch the mouth sonny, children could be reading this!" Sardonyx chortled. "Now then, let's finish this chapter!"

One bypass of the chapter break later, Sardonyx and the defeated Deadpool were now out of the Fourth Wall and back in the real world where the Nasty Boyz, Juggernaut & Black Tom were now nowhere to be seen.

"Okay, I give up!" Deadpool complained while his body began to regenerate. "I'll go with your stupid plan! Didn't really need to treat me like how Pearl killed that one Irishman during the Easter Rising."

"It was an accident!" Pearl exclaimed as she and Garnet defused. "And how did you possibly know?"

"But before we move onto the next chapter, can we make a quick stop first?" Deadpool asked. "There's a joke I think needs resolving."

"You'll never take the whale from me Wilson!" Captain Ahab exclaimed as he engaged in a swordfight with the dread pirate Straw Hat Deadpool and his motley crew. "I'll surrender when I get eaten alive!"

"Funny you should mention that Habbo." First Mate Peridot sneered before she whistled loudly for Willy to breach the surface, breaking most of Ahab's ship and swallowing him whole. "I'll get you for this Wade!" Ahab shrieked vengefully. "You haven't seen the last of me!"

When Ahab was finally swallowed, Willy gave the pirates his farewells and dove back into the water, free again at last.

"What did parodying both Free Willy and Moby Dick have to do with anything?" Pearl asked Straw Hat Deadpool. "You know what? After what I've experienced, I don't think I want to know."

At long last, the chapter is done! Good thing too, because my partner has just started college as we write this and all that education is gonna cut into his freetime!

Yes indeed, the next chapter will take a bit longer to come out because of college. But I still get a few months off soon, so there you go.

Well, that should settle it. You get some free writing done and I won't take your ANDY ONLY stuff. Hasta luego amigo! And be sure to give my regards to your mom!

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ahnsael · 4 years ago

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Just a heads up, this article comes from a site that gives you maybe two or three articles a month, then goes on a paywall. But since it mentioned the song of my people (food cart vendors, aka Outdoor Vending, or ODV, department 944, and where I spent my Disney career on both of my stints with Disneyland).

But apparently about 300 of the 28,000 layoffs in Disney’s U.S. parks will be in Disneyland’s Outdoor Vending department.

For context: during the busy summer season, our department usually topped out at about 700 people. During the off-season, we sometimes didn’t even have 300 people as active cast members in the department.

This is a GIGANTIC cut for ODV. Granted, this probably includes DCA, which isn’t a part of my numbers. That probably adds another 150-200 in the off-season, another 600 or so in the peak season (those numbers are guesses since I never was part of DCA’s ODV because I wanted to stay in the better park).

But that means that, going into the fall off-season, when the off-season would be getting underway, that’s two-thirds of ODV cast members losing their job.Only the main carts will likely be open, with the rest being mothballed for the near future. That means one popcorn cart in each of Main Street, Fantasyland, and New Orleans Square (MAYBE one in Frontierland), one ice cream stand on Main Street, New Orleans Square (not Frontierland for this one), Toontown, and Fantasyland, a churro cart in front of the castle, plus one near the Haunted Mansion and one near Small World (MAYBE one in Tomorrowland, but I doubt it), ONE balloon vendor for the day, who will hang out on Main Street on the shift that ends the day, whatever the park’s hours will be (no daytime balloon vendors), a pretzel cart in Fantasyland, Tomorrowland (ODV has to have SOME presence there, and pretzels sold better than other things), and Frontierland, and frozen lemonade in Fantasyland and New Orleans Square. Edelweiss Snack will probably open near the Matterhorn (turkey legs, chimichangas and buttered corn on the cob, and frozen beverages), MAYBE they operate the turkey leg/chimichanga cart at Central Plaza (it may also have corn on the cob -- ODV didn’t have that in my day), and the Cappuccino cart on Main Street will likely be there. That’s probably going to be it (plus backstage staff and stockers/stewards). That’s likely your ENTIRE outdoor snack option without going to counter service or full service or a buffeteria.

Which, honestly, gives you plenty of options. Not to defend the layoffs, because people I worked with and shed blood, sweat, and tears with (each of those things are meant literally), and who I grew to like and respect, even all those years ago, may be among those losing their jobs. And, even if not, I am forever a part of the cast member family, and these layoffs hurt emotionally, even if I don’t work for them and know I’m not one who is losing my job (so far -- if people keep refusing to wear masks in my casino, I also may be out of a job soon if the Gaming Control Board pulls our license to operate, which they have threatened to do).

(ODV is not in charge of fruit carts where you get those really big pickles or an apple or orange or a bottled beverage, so I didn’t include those, but I would guess the fruit carts on Main Street, Adventureland, and Critter Country would all remain open -- if one closes I would guess Adventureland).

I feel like I should make a tribute video, but there’s not exactly a lot of video out there based on ODV. But I have VERY fond memories of that department, as much physical work as it was. But, especially in my first tour of duty from Spring 1994 to Fall 1997, we had the most amazing group of people I’ve ever worked with, before or since, and that was a golden age for Disneyland (I’m not saying it’s THE definitive golden age, but it certainly was a golden age as far as I’m concerned).

If anyone who reads this does visit Disneyland after they reopen, I would LOVE to have confirmation/denial of my predictions. I know that’s a long shot -- but if you DO happen to be there when they reopen (whenever that may be), shoot me a submit or an ask to tell me whether my predictions were accurate.

#Disneyland #Outdoor Vending #work things #(but for a past job)

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therainroguefanfiction · 4 years ago

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🔥 ℝise Ⱥbove I̾t ◈ Chapter 035 [Consequences]

📑 Table of Contents | ◂Backward

Word Count: 2,869

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

〈“Will I catch my breath before I meet my end? Wish I could say I played a fair game, but I’ve been cheating death. Because the sun brings light to mistakes of yesterday.” Mosaic, “Hollow”〉

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

“Honestly, what were you thinking, Winchester?” Midnight put her hand on her hip, looking at me expectantly. Principal Nezu was standing beside her, his paws behind his back and a cheerful look on his face.

I grunted, not even bothering to respond as I looked away, my arms crossed over my chest. I mean, I could tell them that I was legit contemplating shoving a chimichanga up his ass, but something tells that wouldn’t help my case here.

She sighed deeply at the lack of response, turning her gaze to the small rat beside her. “What should we do with her?”

“Well, she did attack another student outside of the event,” Nezu said cheerfully as he turned his beady eyes to me. “Do you deny this accusation?”

“No. Would it help if I said he deserved it?”

“It won’t help at all!” He smiled, before looking back up at Midnight. I bet he gets a lot of neckaches looking up at everyone. “Winchester should certainly be punished for her misconduct. However, I feel as though removing her entirely from the sports festival is a bit over the top. She worked quite hard to get as far as she did, after all. Do you agree, Midnight?”

She nodded. “In that case, you will forfeit your next match and accept fourth place. You should be thankful that you aren’t being removed from the sports festival entirely!”

I held back a groan. Man, Katsuki’s gonna be so~ fucking pissed.

“You’re also going to apologize to Monoma,” she continued. “Is that clear?”

“Yeah, whateva,” I muttered.

“You can be such a pain, Jen,” she sighed, running a hand through her hair. “We better get the next match started before they start to riot again. Go back to the seating area and stay out of trouble!”

“It’s not my fault trouble is attracted to me, Midnight. I mean, look at me, I’m sexy as fuck!”

She deadpanned.

“What, you don’t agree?”

“Go, Jen.”

“Che,” I did as she ordered, heading straight for 1-A’s seating area. From the direction I was walking, I would have to pass by class B before reaching my own. I hesitated for a moment, having an internal debate with myself before finally taking the steps down. Monoma was sitting in the first row. Half of class B glared at me, while the other half just gave me a confused look. I stopped in front of the blonde. Recovery Girl had clearly fixed his nose, but there was a white strip of bandage over the bridge.

I took a deep breath. This kinda hurts my fucking pride, but… fuck it. “I’m sorry for punching you. No matter what you said to me, I should’ve had more control over myself. Sorry, Monoma.”

His eyes widened, cheeks dusting with color as his mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. Kendo, sitting behind him, smacked the back of his head and he cleared his throat, shifting in his seat. “Y-Yeah… me too.”

Ryuu smiled proudly at me, his fingers brushing mine as I passed. It was his way of saying that there were no hard feelings between us, and I really appreciated the sentiment.

I returned to my class, stifling a yawn. The class noticed me and their chatter died down. I tried to ignore all the eyes on me as I sat between Bakugo and Sparky.

“What happened?” Sparky asked, softly.

I shrugged, sharing a look with Bakugo. It was obvious that the two boys had told the others about what they saw. “I had to apologize to ’em.”

“That’s it?” He breathed out, giving me a grin. “We were worried!”

“You better not be lying,” Bakugo’s eyes narrowed at me and I chuckled, ruffling his ash blonde hair.

“No lie, bro.”

“It’s the second match of the third round! These two heroes in training have both been front runners in the sports festival! It’s Midoriya!! Versus! Todoroki!! But which of these rivals will advance to the next round?! BEGIN!”

Before Mic’s voice could even fade, both boys sprung into action. Todoroki launched an ice barrage at Zuku, who used a small smash with his finger to break it apart before it could reach him, sending a strong gust of wind across the stadium. The only thing that kept Todoroki in bounds was the chunk of ice he created behind him.

“Wo~w! Midoriya managed to break Todoroki’s insane opening move!”

They did this dance again. And again.

“He countered it again!”

My eyes narrowed as I watched them. The battle’s only just begun and he’s already broken three of his fingers on his right hand. For fuck’s sake, kid. Ain’t there another way to use that insane power of yours? Like I get it, it’s the superior quirk, but still…

“Oh crap!” Kirishima came running up. “I’m missing it!”

“Hey, nice job making it to the third round, Kirishima,” Sparky commented.

“Thanks, man! Looks like I take down Bakugo next!”

“I’ll kill you.”

“Heh, yeah, sure. In your dreams.” Kiri grinned brightly, hands on his hips. “No, but seriously. It’s crazy how both you and Todoroki have moves that blast the whole stadium. Must be pretty nice!”

My eyes narrowed at him. There’s that lack of self-confidence again…

“Plus, you don’t have to pause between attacks,” Sero added with a jealous look in his eyes.

“It’s not as easy as you think, ya morons,” Bakugo responded. “If you overuse your muscles, you risk tearing them apart. If you sprint too much, you run out of breath.” He paused, looking down at his hand. “Quirks are physical abilities, too. They can get worn out, you can’t just use them non-stop.”

“It makes sense when you put it that way,” Kiri admitted. “I wonder if that’s how Midoriya thinks he’s gonna beat Todoroki.”

“Todoroki withstood Midoriya’s power and is now rushing his classmate!”

Midoriya tried to avoid the ice, but it grabbed a hold of his foot and his fist clenched, power rising drastically. I shifted in my seat, a drop of sweat rolling down my cheek. Bakugo sent me a look but said nothing, his eyes snapping back to the match. Zuku broke his arm defending against the ice. Fuck, kid, do you even have a plan?

“Woah! Todoroki continues his overwhelming attacks! Could this be his finishing move?!”

Ice shot toward Zuku at an alarming speed and he released another smash to counter it. Todoroki was barely able to stop himself from being thrown out of bounds that time.

“You’re trembling… Todoroki,” Zuku’s voice reached out to us. “It’s easy to forget that quirks are physical abilities and that means… there’s a limit to the cold your body can take, right?! I get it. Usually, you’d make up for the drop in temperature by using the heat from your left side, but you refuse to do that now. Listen… we’re all giving it our all… to try and win… to make our dreams a reality… to become number one! You think you can win with half your strength?! Look at me, Todoroki! You haven’t managed to put a single scratch on me yet! So come at me with all you’ve got!!”

What the fuck is he thinking? While it’s true that Todoroki’s ice hasn’t hurt him, he’s already broken four fingers on his right hand and his left arm. He’s quickly running out of options. Is he trying to bluff? No, that’s not it. My brow furrowed. Wait a minute… I shot out of my seat, eyes widening. “Don’t fucking tell me…”

“What’s wrong, Winchester?” Kirishima leaned forward, his hand on my back and voice full of concern.

Izuku, you… you’re trying to save him, aren’t you? You’re risking the finals, your body, everything to pull him out from the darkness he’s lost within. I can’t believe this.

“Midoriya… what are you trying to do here?” Todoroki demanded, his voice growing angry. “You want my fire?! What, did my monster of a dad bribe you or something?!” He rushed at Zuku. “Now I’m mad!!”

Zuku’s slammed his fist into Todoroki’s stomach.

“A solid punch! That’s the kind of action that I like to see!”

You’re literally tearing your body apart, Izuku! Is it worth it? My hands clenched tightly, nails digging into my palms. There’s no way in hell Gran can heal all of those injuries at once, but you know that already don’t you? You don’t care…

Izuku used his cheek to pull back his thumb, releasing another smash.

“Why are you putting yourself through this?” Todoroki demanded.

“I wanna live up to people’s expectations! I wanna be able to smile… while doing something good for them! I wanna be a pro! Whatever it takes to be a hero!” Izuku cried, headbutting Todoroki in the chest. “That’s why I’ll give it my all… just like… you should be! There’s no way I can know what you’ve gone through, or why you’re even here. Your life has been so much different then mine, but right now… stop screwing around! If you want to reject your father, fine, but you don’t have the right to be number one if you’re not going to use your full power!”

I stepped forward, my hands clutching the railing. I can feel… so much raw emotion coming from those two boys. Sadness, pain, frustration. I swallowed hard, my heart clenching within my chest.

“Winchester, are you okay? You’re shaking…”

No… no, I’m not okay… because neither of them are.

“Shut. Up.” Ice was spreading rapidly across his right side.

“That’s why I’m going to win this!! I’ll surpass you!” Izuku punched him in the stomach again, sending him flying back into the air.

Todoroki was silent for a moment, clearly lost in thought before shaking his head. “I will reject you… I refuse to use my left side…”

“It’s yours!!” Izuku cried. “Your quirk, not his!!”

Todoroki’s power shot through the rood as flames erupted from his left side, blazing like an untamed wildfire, fueled by pure, raw emotion.

My hands clenched tighter around the metal. Those flames… they’re so goddamn beautiful, so powerful. I… I want to fight him. I want to feel those flames for myself, I want to see how my flames stack up against his. Can my body withstand them? Goddamn it!

Arms wrapped protectively around my waist, but their words were muffled, distant. My mind could only focus on the sheer amount of power and emotion that was crushing the air.

“Yes, Shoto!! Have you finally accepted your purpose?!” Endeavor stalked down the stairs, a smug look on his face as he approached the railing. “That’s it, very good! This the dawn of a new era for us! With my blood in your veins, you’ll surpass me! You will live up to the reason I created you!!”

My eyes snapped to him, glowing red as my blood boiled within my veins. I’m already in trouble with the staff, I should fucking punching that bastard in the balls so he can’t have any more fucking kids. I should punch him in his smug fucking face, too. Maybe it’ll make him attractive if I rearrange those ugly ass features of his!

“Endeavor suddenly shouts words of… en… couragement? What a doting father…”

My eyes snapped back to the arena as a wave of power shot through the air. Fucking hell, that power is… incredible. Todoroki covered the arena with ice, which Izuku dodged, flying toward him. In an instant, Todoroki switched to his flames, melting the ice he had created. Five thick cement slabs shot up from the ground between them, lessening the impact of each of their attacks, but the raw power from both sides shattered the cement easily, exploding them into bits. A fierce wind pushed against the stands. I braced myself, feeling the arms around me tighten and several voices crying out in surprise.

The intense pressure slowly started to fade and I felt like I could breathe again.

“What happened just now? What the heck is up with your students?” Mic cried.

“The air around the ring had been thoroughly cooled down and then rapidly expanded when heated up.”

“Wait, that’s what caused the explosion?! How hot did that fire get?! Jeez, I can’t see a thing! Is the match still going on or what, huh?”

The smoke finally started to clear. Zuku’s body was flush against the wall, smoking. His body shifted before falling to the ground, unconscious.

“There…” Midnight’s voice was shaking. “Midoriya is… out of bounds! Todoroki wins! He advances to the fourth round!”

I took a shaky breath. “Let go of me.” I shoved the person away, seeing a flash of red as I took off toward the nurse’s office, ignoring the calls of my name.

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

“The bones in your right arm were shattered. I’m afraid it’ll never be the same as it was before.” Gran explained sadly as she stood beside the best. Izuku was covered in bandages, his arms wrapped thicker than Aizawa’s. “I need to remove the bone fragment or they’ll get stuck in your joints. I’ll heal you afterward.” She sighed deeply before turning to Toshi, who was standing beside me. “You lit a fire under this child and pushed him too hard. Look at what he’s done to make you proud. I don’t like it one bit.”

I scratched my cheek. “Come on, Gran, that’s not fair… I mean, he did push him, that’s true, but… Toshi ain’t completely to blame. I know Zuku wanted to make him proud and help Todoroki, but he should have had the sense to stop before it got too far.”

Toshi rested his hand on my shoulder.

Gran shook her head in disappointment. “You’re going too far, you hear? You and the boy. Don’t praise him for what he’s done today.”

“Midoriya!” The door slammed open, nearly making Toshi jump out of his skin as Iida, Ochaco, Tsu, and Mineta appeared in the doorway, all looking worried.

“You scared the crap out of me,” Toshi muttered, holding his hand over his heart.

“Getting jumpy in your old age?” I snickered, raising a brow. He shot me a look, pinching my hand.

“Are you okay?” Ochaco asked before she noticed Toshi. “Oh, it’s nice to meet you, sir.”

“Oh, uh, yeah.”

Real smooth, Tosh. Real smooth.

“He’s in no state for visitors,” Gran said firmly.

“Hey, guys…” Zuku said with a soft, low voice. “Shouldn’t you be watching the matches?”

“The stage was far too damaged,” Iida explained. “They’re taking a quick break to repair it now.”

“That match was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen in my life, Midoriya.” Mineta’s small body shook as he spoke. “What pro’s gonna want a sidekick that hurts himself?”

My eyes snapped to him and I was about to punch him in the head when Tsu slapped him with her tongue. “You’re just rubbing salt in his wounds. Probably not a good time.”

I sent her a smile, which she returned.

“Hey, I was just speaking the truth.”

“You’re much too noisy!” Gran scolded, ushering them toward the door. “I know you’re worried, but I’ve got to focus on surgery now.”

“Surgery?!” They chorused in shock.

“Go on, get out of here!” She kept pushing.

“But -”

“Surgery is a big deal, isn’t it?”

“Will his wounds be healed?”

“Don’t worry, just leave me to it.” She assured them.

“Ribbit…”

That… was the saddest fucking ribbit I’ve ever heard in my entire fucking life. I fought the urge to rush over and pull Tsu into a bone-crushing hug.

“With all due respect, ma’am, shouldn’t Winchester be forced to leave, as well?”

My eyes narrowed at Iida. Got his ass beat and he still doesn’t know when to fucking call it quits. Annoying fuck.

“I need to check on her injuries from earlier, now go on.” She finally got them out the door, closing it behind them.

“I’m sorry…” Zuku spoke up, his voice soft and defeated. I rested my hand on his uninjured leg, rubbing gentle circles on his outer thigh to help calm him. “I couldn’t do what you asked of me. If I had shut up… not said anything… I might’ve been able to beat him… but I…”

“You got Todoroki to realize something very important about himself,” Toshi responded.

“I guess so. In his first match, he looked so sad. I was trying to figure out why, when I should’ve been focused. I made a bigger mistake, though. Whenever we were fighting, I was just so… so frustrated. I couldn’t see the bigger picture or what it would take to win. I’m sorry…”

“It’s true that the match didn’t go how we wanted it to, and realizing where you went wrong won’t change that… but, listen. Meddling where you don’t technically have to is the essence of being a hero.”

I squeezed his thigh, giving him a smile when his eyes met mine. “Toshi’s right, you know. Helping Todoroki was more important to you than winning the match. If you ask me, you’re already a damn good hero.”

He made a strangled noise, trying to hold back tears as his hair fell over his eyes.

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

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#rise above it #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #anime #writing #creative writing #writeblr #scenario #scenarios #anime scenarios #anime scenario #fanfiction #fanfic #fanfics #anime fanfic #anime fanfics #first person #series

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nomanwalksalone · 5 years ago

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AURLANDS AND THE ORIGINAL PENNY LOAFER

by David Isle

I’m sure you’ll remember the scene in Adam McKay’s masterwork Talladega Nights in which the dastardly (French) villain Jean Girard challenges our hero Ricky Bobby to name one thing of value that Americans have given the world. Ricky meets this challenge with “Chinese food,” “pizza,” and “chimichanga.” (Jean Girard defends France’s honor with “democracy,” “existentialism,” and various sex acts.)

As a proud American, I’ve often wondered how I might have answered, were I in Ricky Bobby’s shoes. Of course today I could just say “Talladega Nights.” That option wasn’t available to Ricky, blocked by fourth wall. One tempting answer might be that classic of Ivy Style, the penny loafer. But this isn’t quite right. The penny loafer was born in Norway.

But it does claim some American heritage. In 1891, Nils Tveranger, the eventual creator of the penny loafer, left his native Norway for Boston, Massachusetts. There he learned to make shoes, including the Native American moccasin. In 1894, he returned to Norway, set up shop as a shoemaker in the village of Aurland, and a few decades later, combined the American moccasin and a local Norwegian style to give birth to the penny loafer.

Aurlands still makes those Tveranger’s penny loafers today, still in the town of Aurland, in the longest running shoe factory in Norway. Here’s how they do it.

Once you’ve selected a leather, you find the pattern you need and cut out the pieces:

Next you sew the pieces of leather together to make the upper:

Then you put the upper on the last and leave it for a while to round into form:

Then attach the heel and sew on the sole:

Then you’ve got yourself an Aurlands penny loafer:

Quite a cultural achievement. I’ll certainly take it over existentialism. Might even put it up there with Talladega Nights.

#aurlands #davidisle #nomanwalksalone #features

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licenselesswriter · 5 years ago

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From November to June CH1

November 20, 2017

Maya was nervous, she never thought that she finds herself in this situation, she always thought that she was way more street smart than this, but now, she was in the predicament of her life.

- So, short story, we're getting married - Josh says while he lifts the arm of his new fiancée.

- Oh! - Cory says excited, opening his arms to hug the young couple.

Riley joins the hug and welcomes the fiancée of her uncle to the family, on the other hand, Lucas looks at Maya waiting for a reaction.

And he finds one.

He slowly walks to her and sits next to her - It was him - he just says, not asking or judging, just telling her.

- Pretty smart for a cowboy - Maya jokes trying to hide what she was feeling in her gut.

- What are you gonna do with that? - he asks Maya.

- Probably regret having him or her for the next 8 months, and then love it for the rest of my life - she says putting a hand over her belly.

- Does anyone else know about it? - Lucas asks this time.

- Aren't you doing way too many questions today Huckleberry? - she asks back and then takes a deep breath, putting them in awkward silence for a few seconds - No - she finally answers while she looks at everyone celebrating the new addition to the family, really hoping to be her the one in that place.

- What you gonna do when it becomes more obvious to the eye? - Lucas keeps pushing his questions on Maya.

- How are you gonna explain that a pregnant woman beat the shit out of you for asking that many questions? - Maya asks back.

- If that's the price for having my questions answered about people I care about and future people I'm gonna care about, I will even get you a brass knuckle - Lucas answers completely serious, making Maya blurt in laughter dragging everyone's attention.

- Sorry, please continue with your celebration - Maya says, making most of the people in the Matthews home go back to Josh and his fiancée - I'm in the mood for chimichangas - she adds in a lower tone, only for Lucas to hear.

- Nice try - Lucas says, letting a short and dry laugh escape his mouth - Chimichangas is your constant mood - he adds getting up - Lucky for you, I'm in the mood to spend my money feeding you, let's go - he adds walking to the coat hanger to pick his jacket.

- Howdy, you're leaving? - Josh asks Lucas when he saw him pick his jacket and Maya's coat.

- Yeah - he simply answers, trying not to punch him in the face for getting Maya pregnant - Maya wants chimichangas and I want to spend my money, so win-win situation - he adds with a dry tone that let his disgust with Riley's uncle - BTW, congrats on your engagement - he says and offer his hand, the one Josh shake with a smile on his face, not knowing exactly what was on Lucas mind.

- Thanks - Josh says and then he felt a tiny hand on his lower back.

- Well, it was nice to see you, Josh, congrats to your fiancée, she's taking a good guy - Maya says and Josh hugs her tightly, making Lucas sigh deep - Ok, let's go, Huckleberry, bye Josh - Maya says and takes her coat from Lucas' hand. Once they were on the stairs of the Matthews residence Maya grabs Lucas' shirt collar - What the hell was that? - she asks him.

Lucas just gave her a smirk - Nothing - he adds with his smirk still on his face and starts to walk to his car.

Maya follows him, she wouldn't let his attitude gets her away from free chimichangas.

Lucas opens the door for Maya and she sits in silence. Lucas, of course, did the same and starts his car.

but 15 minutes later Lucas finally explode - You know what, there is something - he says without taking the eyes from the road - I think it's a bit illegal to get a 17-year-old girl pregnant when you're 20 and then in less than a month you came back to introduce your fiancée - he says and Maya just looks at him in shock.

- Excuse me? A bit too judgy? - Maya says, not in disagreeing with what he explained, but still a bit mad for the way he put it.

- I'm sorry, but I'm not only one saying that's morally wrong, but the actual law also says it - Lucas defends himself.

- I'm not gonna discuss my sex life with you Huckleberry, at least not unless I'm drunk - she says and then presses her forehead against the cold window.

- Not gonna discuss your sex life - Lucas says while he keeps driving and the red light make him stop - I'm questioning his morality backed up by the law of the United States of America - he adds and looks at her directly into her eyes - And you're dreaming if you think I'm gonna let you close to a bottle of alcohol - he continues when the light became green.

- Wow, never imagined you had that Papa Friar under that Sundance exterior - Maya jokes, but Lucas kept firm driving - You don't need to worry about me Huckleberry, I been able to handle worse than a young pregnancy - she adds, joking about her life.

Lucas just stays silent, knowing exactly how to feel but not knowing exactly how to word it.

15 minutes later, Lucas parks his car in the parking spots in Queens Boulevard and 40st and Maya's smile grow by the second, making him smile for the first time since he started his conversation with her in the Matthews residence.

- I like Papa Friar - Maya says and Lucas fails on containing his laugh - He's way more considerate that Judgy Asshole Ranger Rick - Maya adds and fastly opens the door and walk out the car, only to run to the pedestrian cross.

They both cross to the restaurant, Maya faster than Lucas.

Lucas wasn't able to see the feelings he was experimenting as other than friendship.

- Come on Huckleberry, Mama is hungry - she says hoping for him to get to the door faster.

They were sitting in no more than 7 minutes, and being conscious about the joy she was having, Lucas just let Maya go crazy in food.

In the middle of their dinner, Lucas decides to break the silence by asking the most important question - Are you gonna tell him? - he asks.

Maya just looks at him like he was stupid - You mean now or someday? - she asks back before putting half of a chimichanga in her mouth.

Lucas looks at her a bit disgusted by her ability to push food down her throat, and put his chimichanga back into his plate - Well, it's more than obvious that you already miss the chance of telling him today - he answers. He grabs his drink and takes a sip - So? - he insists with his question.

- Probably one day - Maya vaguely answers - It's more than obvious that he - she continues and put a hand over her belly - Or she, is gonna ask where is the person who donates half of his or her DNA - she says making Lucas laugh - The thing is, I can probably lie my way out of those questions and bought the curiosity with cookies - Maya adds and point at the chimichanga Lucas left on his plate - Are you gonna eat that? - she asks.

Lucas looks at her disgusted again - My God, you're disgusting - he answers, but finally agreed to her eating what he left - What about money? Kids are not cheap - he says lifting his hand and calling for the waitress, who after a few minutes walks to their table - Yes, please, one order of Mexican Churros - Lucas says pointing them in the menu, then he looks at Maya - Order something, I don't share desserts - then his attention goes back to the waitress - Also, please, a cup of coffee, black - he adds while Maya takes the menu from his hand.

- One order of Mexican Churros and a Crème Brulee - she says and left the menu on her left. The waitress smiled and look at Lucas, he only nods. When Maya was sure that the waitress wasn't close enough to hear she looks at Lucas - Well, I hope to get a job, that pays a bit more than the minimum wage, help from friends and family and my savings - she explains.

When he heard her answer, Lucas forgot for a second that he was her friend and not her father - And college? - he asks, trying to control his judgmental tone.

- Well, if what's growing inside is half smart as his Father, then a scholarship is more than obvious for the future - she answers.

Lucas just sighs again, defeated - I can't deal with you - he says and Maya softly giggles.

- Not a surprise Huckleberry - she replies and they both keep the silence till they desserts came.

Lucas looks at Maya devour the Crème Brulee - Yeah, I definitely can't deal with you - he admits with a smile on his face, making Maya smile.

They finish their food and Lucas paid for everything, just as he promised. He helps her with her coat and then put his jacket on, a bit surprised by the strange mid-November snow.

Lucas repeats the process and opens the door for Maya, who happily jumps on his car, he walks to the driver seat and gets inside the car. He starts the car and tried to connect his phone to the radio, but Maya was faster and mute any music.

- What? - he asks her, noticing how she was way too serious.

- You can't tell anybody about this, this is something I should tell, not you - she warns him.

Lucas smile and put his hand on her cheek, softly caressing it - I'm Lucas, not Farkle, not Riley, Lucas - he replies and Maya smile.

A lot more relaxed, she unmutes the radio.

The slow drum of "Slow Hands" starts to blast on the radio while Lucas starts to drive her back to her place.

- Holy shit - Maya says and laughs, taking a photo of the song on the smart sound system on Lucas car - One "Huckleberry" Direction - she adds, mocking of his music playlist - I'm never gonna let you forget this - she says while Lucas can't avoid the blushing.

When they arrive at her place, like a true gentleman, Lucas gets down and open the door for her.

- Thanks for bringing me home "Night Changes" - she jokes and Lucas just looks at the snowing sky of New York.

- I hate my life - he softly says.

Sadly, not soft enough for Maya to not hear it - Awww that desperation is "What makes you beautiful" Huckleberry - she continues, and this time, Lucas can only laugh. In the middle of his laugh, Maya gets close to him and hug him - Thanks Lucas - she says, no mask, only gratitude.

- Don't be - Lucas replies and hugs her back - I'm your friend, that's my job - he adds and Maya unconsciously smile against his chest.

Maya slowly gets away from him and walk up the stairs of her apartment, only to be stopped by Lucas - Maya - he calls her, and she stops, slowly turning back to face him.

- What - she says, waiting, expecting.

- Let me help - he adds with a sincere smile on his face.

Maya just let a soft laugh escape her mouth - Goodnight Huckleberry - she says and disappears inside the building.

#GMW #Lucaya #Lucaya Fanfic #Lucaya Friendship #From November to June #Guess who gets himself a 27 days break #this guy #this is finished btw

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sbnkalny · 5 years ago

Conversation

big-pepsi: And by "could" I mean "could be thanatos" but no that's just excusing that that's the reason Why nobody did

big-pepsi: What's that!? the reason why i fucking asked You

big-pepsi: What's that!? the reason why I defend him...

big-pepsi: What's that!? the reason why the fuck aren't your posts in chronological Order? Theyre pretty close but not today! this here is where the teeth come from.

big-pepsi: Except nerd cause I wanted to give me something I enjoy math (quite a bit) and your posts in chronological order? theyre pretty close but not SO bad

gladion-kin: As I enjoy math (quite a bit) and your lemon would you let somebody make your Blood run cold / The northern lights have seen much over the many, burdens he has to be of 2

gladion-kin: Chimichanga? more like chimichuck it in half what should I do over the many, burdens He has To be of 2

gladion-kin: The Tower seems more like chimichuck IT in the same family? yes

big-pepsi: Ping pong? more like chimichuck it in the bin

big-pepsi: it's not even mentioning the fact that we two are trapped in a never-ending Spiral of Life and death

gladion-kin: Why is my brother so blind to the fact that we two are trapped in a never-ending Spiral of ants

gladion-kin: PLEASE help everyone! my dad, Darunia, went to the concert in a while to get a new one is a great way of doing things was no sun, which I shall enter here some of my eyes? two and two are trapped in a never-ending spiral of ants

big-pepsi: We are perpetually trapped in a never-ending spiral of life with Bong in HAND follow the smoke toward the "Fighting Growlbacks bottomless spirit Pit"} Okay, let's go

#CHAT #DAY 2 #big-pepsi #gladion-kin

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redstringoffaterp · 5 years ago

Text

Quinn Fabray Application

Welcome to the roleplay, Laura! Your application for Quinn Fabray has been accepted. Please follow the Newbie List!

→Name/Alias: Laura →Age: 28 →Timezone: GMT+1 →Activity Level: I´m usually pretty active. Means I´ll get on every day to do replies or to at least check and see if anyone´s online to write with. →Triggers: None. →Anything else?: I…assume this is where we put the password? Chimichanga! Also the spot of “resident bad boy” and “girlfriend during High School” are absolutely open as past connections to people applying for other characters! :) →Ships: Quinn&Chemistry →Anti-Ships: Quinn&No Chemistry

IC INFORMATION

→Desired Character: Quinn Fabray →Age: 27 →Hometown: Long Island, New York. →Sexuality: bisexual.

BIO

→Headcanon:

1. For someone who doesn´t believe in love she reads a HELL of a lot of romance novels. 2. Quinn noticed that she was into girls, too, when the stage manager of her High School production of A Midsummer Night´s Dream kissed her in the wings and she kissed her back. 3. Quinn had an abortion at 16.

→Bio:

Lucy Quinn Fabray had been raised to be the perfect daughter. In fact, everything about her family seemed to be perfect. Perfect parents with a perfect marriage, who often entertained guests in their home, guests who were delighted by any invitation to the Fabray House they received.

Looking behind closed doors, however, the Fabray family was far from perfect. Her father was often working late, not coming come at night at all, and for a long time Quinn believed that was what he was doing. The older she got, the more the whispers in school started getting to her. Her father was going behind her mother´s back, having affairs left and right, but her mother seemed to not care. Or at least that´s what Quinn thought, because she defended her husband furiously.

Something Quinn, to this day, doesn´t understand. Or well…she does understand where her mother was coming from, trying to hold up the perfect imagine of a family, when in reality, it was crumbling.

Quinn, who was head cheerleader, member of the celibacy club, and had perfect grades, was the poster child of the family. She tried not to step out of line, because whenever she did, her father would go without talking to her for days, only telling her that he was disappointed in “his little girl.”

When he eventually started bringing around boys to dinner, the sons of his business partners, Quinn, in an act of defiance, joined the Drama Club so she wouldn´t always have to be home for dinner. Neither of her parents showed up to one of the performances they put on though, and while Quinn was disappointed, she tried not to think about it too much.

In another act of defiance, which probably came from the fact that her father kept bringing home boys that were “perfectly suitable for marriage”, Quinn began an affair with the resident bad boy of her High School. In hindsight maybe not her brightest idea, but for a short time it made her feel like she was on top. That was, however, until one day in her Junior Year, when a pregnancy test came back positive.

Quinn knew this would have been the end of her social career in High School, and it would have probably gotten her kicked out of her home, too. Not that she enjoyed being there, but being entirely on her own, and that with a baby? No, that wasn´t what she wanted.

So Lucy Quinn Fabray drove all the way to Canada to get an abortion.

It´s something that still haunts her to this day in a way, but she doesn´t regret it, not with how her life turned out.

After graduating High School with honours, Quinn decided that it was time to get away from her parents. She´d been dating a girl, a classmate, at the time of finishing High School, and she was well aware that her parents wouldn´t agree. And they probably wouldn´t agree with her wanting to go to college to get a job eventually either, so the day after graduation Quinn told her parents that she was dating someone, a girl, and that she had enrolled for college.

Her father threatened to kick her out, so Quinn turned to her mother, but the woman who had never stood up for her daughter once in her life, didn´t say a word. What a surprise.

So Quinn took her packed suitcase, changed her name from Lucy to Quinn, and left for Manhattan, where she enrolled at NYU to become a teacher.

She now teaches English and Music at a local High School, while also running the Drama Club. Her parents failed marriage had taken away her belief in romance and happy endings, but Quinn is doing just fine without it, thank you very much.

#glee rp #glee au rp #faberry #submission

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themisfitbunch-archived · 6 years ago

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That one time Deadpool smashed Spiderman’s window...

The Amazing Spiderman; @alwaysonafieldtrip Friendly Neighbourhood Pool Guy; Yours truly

Wade had spent a great deal of time trying to figure out the best way to reach Spiderman. He was one of his favourite superheroes, and that’s why he found himself outside his house, late at night. He had a sheet of paper and crayons, and he’d drawn Spiderman up in one corner. The friendly neighbourhood hero was upside down, holding onto his web. Opposite, in the lower corner, he had drawn himself with heart eyes. In the blank space in the middle, he’d written “Our suits are red, bruises are blue, you’re fucking amazing! sign. Deadpool,” along with his phone number. He wrapped the paper around the rock and threw it through Peter’s window – listening to the wonderful noise of glass shattering – before he had Dopinder drive him back to Big Al’s.

What follows is the text messages that were exchanged between the two;

Peter: Erm, hello?

Wade: Hi! Who this?

Peter: Peter Parker You happen to throw your number in my room?

Wade: That`s a relief! Note to self: I should stop leaving my number at bathroom stalls. I did yeah. Did I hit anyone? Break your window? At least make your spidersenses tingle?

Peter: You broke the window dude. My aunt is going to kill me! Wait... Who are you actually? Is Deadpool a made up name?

Wade: I'll throw in some money so you can fix it? How rude of me. Hi. I'm Deadpool. Secret identities and all that.

Peter: No! No don't throw anything in here anymore

Wade: I'm your friendly neighbourhood pool guy. Bad reference Wade. *gasps* Oops! My aim is terrific, I can throw at the already broken window. You sure? Okay I'll just leave an envelope with money in your mailbox. Who do I address it to? Spiderman?

Peter: Yeah, yeah I'm sure! No!! God no Just Peter is fine

Wade: Okay, Just Peter.

Peter: How... how do you even know who I am?

Wade: *takes a picture of the envelope stuffed full with money and "Just Peter" written on the front* Would you believe me if I said it's through a mutual friend?

Peter: *looks at the picture* really dude? *sighs* Mr. Stark? Don't tell me it was Ned! He isn't supposed to tell anyone about me.

Wade: The least I can do is pay up. Don't want our friendly neighbourhood Spiderman stop protecting the neighbourhood. That'd be awful. Uhm. Yeah sure. It was Mr. Stark. Because you haven't met a Stan Lee, right? Right. How could you. No it is totally our mutual friend Tony Stark.

Peter: You've clearly been stalking me or something to know all this.

Wade: You don't know anything about my rejection letter to join the Avengers? Okay. I admit. I've been stalking you. We're suit brothers and that web thing you do is friggin /amazing/.

Peter: No... no I don't. I - you know - I don't get - really? You really think it's cool?

Wade: YES! I mean. Of course. It would be cooler if it was more lethal. I like my bad guys bad - and dead - after all.

Peter: Oh I - I don't kill though.

Wade: Is it an age thing? I bet it's an age thing. This could become a problem.

Peter: No, it's not an age thing, I prefer not to kill someone. It would make me the same like them.

Wade: So.... you`re saying I'm a bad guy? *shrug* I can live with that. Moving on. *takes a picture of his hand dropping the envelope with the money into Peter's mailbox* There you go. Should be enough to fix the window and then some.

Peter: A problem for what? Look, deadpool was it right? Apart from the drawing you threw in my room and your number on there, what is it that you want from me? Help?*looks at the picture* thanks....

Wade: A problem for team morale. We'll most likely be conflicting parts. How will you react when I slug or decapitate the bad guys?

Peter: Am I in your team?

Wade: Obviously. "Not Avengers, but better" I thought we'd call ourselves. "Friendly neighbourhood spider and Deadpool"

Peter: Quite a long name isn't it?

Wade: Look – it’s a work in progress...

Peter: Does Mr. Stark know that I am in your team?

Wade: How about your homework is to find a team name for us? Gosh, Just Peter. Does Mr. Stark need to know /everything/? Isn't he busy with his half gods and old war heroes anyway? Nevermind. If it's that big a deal, I'll send him a letter.

Peter: Yeah he kind of does. If I blow things now I can forget to be a part of the Avengers.

Wade: Letter it is!

Peter: Wait with the letter, I'll just call him.

Wade: That's a terrible idea But sure.

Peter: Why?

Wade: He'll be thrilled. Tell him that I said hello.

Peter: Mr. Stark doesn't know anything about you knowing me is it?

Wade: Tell him that I'll take care of you. And uhm. That I won't do anything to compromise your moral, because heaven forbid we get Spiderman past PG-13. What? Not until you tell him, he does.

Peter: I am not a kid anymore you know. I can take care of myself.

Wade: Sure. That's what they all say. There's this kid called Firefist - - nevermind.

Peter: Not all of them can stop a car from hitting a bus barehanded you know. So I am not like the others. Firefist?

Wade: If things needs to be Tony Stark approved - you should definitely call him. (This is why we never get crossovers!) He knows me. I know you. You're getting to know me. I know him. It's all good. Yeah. He was this abused kid with mutant powers that me and my X-Force stopped from becoming a psychopathic killer. Hey! I guess I don't kill ALL the bad guys.

Peter: X-force? That's the rest of your team then?

Wade: That's my other team. Yes. In this team, there`s just you and me. And Dopinder. And maybe Daredevil.

Peter: Who's Dopinder? I heard about Daredevil though.

Wade: Dopinder is my get-away-car/taxi driver. Not all of us can swing from buildings! Did you call Mr. Stark yet?

Peter: I am still using busses and trains and other stuff to get to school you know.... I did, but he doesn't answer. He's probably busy

Wade: We're going with my letter plan then? Sweet. *blinks* Wait, woah - hold up. You still go to school?

Peter: Yeah of course I still go to school. What did you expect? Wade wrote, but didn’t send: That after Toby McQuire and Andrew Garfield you’d have grown up. *massive backspace, Wade* Wade: For you to go to bed early!

Peter: .... dude

Wade: Where's your sense of responsibility? Do you have a curfew?

Peter: What?! Dude really.... I am not being Spiderman the whole day. Just when I get the chance to be him. Which is after school and when I tell my aunt I'm going to bed. I don't have a curfew

Wade: When do you sleep? This is concerning.

Peter: And I am responsible

Wade: Pfft.

Peter: When I get back from patrolling. Why - why am I actually defending myself to you? I don't even know who you are apart from your made up name and the name Wade slipping out.

Wade: *Wade took a picture of the letter he had crafted, in crayon and sent it to Peter. It read; "Dear Mr. Stark. I'm teaming up with Spiderman. He thought you should know. Sign. Wade. P.S I promise not to keep him up too late on school nights. P.P.S When will you let me join the Avengers?"*

Wade: Kid, I'm Deadpool. I kill bad guys. It brings me joy. I wear a red suit - like you. My favourite weapons are guns and katanas. I like chimichangas and fluffy unicorns. I'd take you to a movie or a Starbucks - actually that's not a bad idea.

Peter: *looking at the picture. I really can't believe this guy. But... you know... maybe on time teaming up can't hurt*

Wade: How about we meet up at a Starbucks tomorrow and figure this out?

Peter: Does anyone know you are Deadpool or do you keep it a secret?

Wade: A part from Ryan Reynolds and Stan Lee? I mean. Yes! No.

Peter: Right, I probably be able to get to one after school. Around 4'ish

Wade: People know OF Deadpool. Some people know that Wade Wilson is connected to Deadpool. Not that many have lived to tell the tale. Oh well. Okay. Mid town. In costume. On the roof, right?

Peter: Right

Wade: If I'm late it's because it will take me a while to go up all the stairs on the firescape. I'll be the one in the red suit. Now do the responsible thing, Just Peter; go to bed. I'll guard the neighbourhood while you sleep.

Peter: Okay.... I guess....

Wade: And do your homework! You have ONE job. Figure out our team name. No pressure. I'll leave you alone now. Oh, and you might want to get that money out of your mailbox before Auntie May finds them. Nighty night. Don't let the bed bugs bite. *wink*

#deadpool rp #spiderman rp #marvel rp #mcu rp #wade wilson #peter parker #deadpool #spiderman #spideypool #spideypool rp #alwaysonafieldtrip

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ajokeformur-ray · 7 years ago

Note

Hey! Can I request please some headcanons for being Deadpool's best friend?

Hey,I'm so happy your doing Deadpool and Loki imagines and I was wondering if I could be added to their tags and if possible, could I get a hc as to what it would be like to be best friends with Deadpool ? :D I hope you're having a great day today ☺❤ - @miyakokurono

TW for brief NSFW.

- Sometimes you wake up to pancakes for breakfast.

- On those days, Deadpool needs you the most because he’s not having a good day.

- You accept the fact that he’s in your house because really, it’s Deadpool.

- If he was gonna kill you, there are a million ways he could have done it, and he didn’t, though you suppose it’s because no one’s paid him to.

- You trust him implicitly.

- On the days he needs you the most, you tend to just cuddle all day.

- You have weapons stashed all over your house in case his own stock gets compromised or he can’t reach it.

- Your image of unicorns has forever been tainted by the one time you walked in on him jacking himself off holding a unicorn.

- Getting used to hearing a series of crashes, yelled swear words, groans of pain and then the sound of your shower switching on.

- He always comes to you when he’s hurt.

- You get used to the sight of his blood and you actually develop some medical knowledge from all the times you’ve had to stitch him up because he refuses to go to hospital.

- Sometimes he looks over your shoulder and says something completely out of context, like “Oops, spoilers!”

- Or, “what are you still doing here? Go, go.” And a hand motion like he’s shooing someone away.

- Or, “This happened waaaaay back in issue one.” | “Who are you talking to?” | “Them.” | “Whose them?” |“Forget it. It’s too hard to explain in one panel.”

- Whenever you ask he just shakes his head and mutters something about a fourth wall.

- You’ve seen him naked more times than you care to remember.

- Being the only one who has seen his unmasked face.

- When you saw it you shrugged and said, “I’ve seen worse.”

- That moment pretty much set your eternal friendship in stone.

- Having to tell him not to eat chimichangas all the time because it’s unhealthy.

- He sighs and suggests pizza, instead.

- Or chimichanga pizza...

- As if you’d fall for that.

- Getting kidnapped a lot of the time.

- It gets so frequent that you barely jump when someone grabs you from behind and drags you into a car.

- When he finds you, and he always does, the threats he gives the perpetrators leaves you a little shaken.

- His entire demeanour changes, his voice goes low and he says things like, “I’m letting you keep your life so you can tell your friends that I’m not to be fucked with.”

- You’re just so done with all of Deadpool’s shit but you love him.

- He can make you cry of laughter when all you feel like doing is curling up and sleeping forever.

- Deadpool understands you better than most and is really good when you’re sad or anxious.

- Sometimes he mutters about the voices being too loud and will have conversations out loud with two different voices.

- He compares himself to someone called Ryan Reynolds a lot of the time, though you don’t know who he is...

- Deadpool describes him as a ‘total jackass who gets away with acting with just his looks’.

- He often tells the room around him that he doesn’t have time to make another issue and wants a vacation.

- One time, Deadpool was gone for a few days.

- This doesn’t worry you but what does worry you is when he comes back holding his own head...

- “You regrew your head?”

- “Uhh... Yeah?”

- Your reaction was one you didn’t want to repeat.

- He has an anal fixation and often asks during times of battle whether his next colonoscopy can happen like this.

- Deadpool has quite literally died for you and he’d do it again and again, without question.

- Whenever he does something that should make you worry, you just justify it with a shrug and a, “It’s Deadpool.”

- He often encourages the both of you when you’re fighting side by side:

- “Good Y/N!” When you do something he approves of and “Bad Y/N!” When you do something kinda stupid, but then you take out another enemy and he shrugs with a, “Good Y/N!”

- No real privacy between the two of you.

- He’s quite happy to come into the bathroom when you’re showering because he’s really gotta poop.

- Being each other’s wingman for dates and stuff.

- You’re his partner in crime and you often go with him on adventures.

- He’d teach you how to fight and defend yourself.

- Drinking games that devolve into both of you just drinking from the bottle.

- You’ve got a rather unconventional friendship, but you wouldn’t change it for the world.

The first set of bolded quotes are from Deadpool: Dead Presidents. The second bolded quote is from the comic Deadpool versus S.H.I.E.L.D.

No tags because the two people on the Deadpool taglist are already tagged! Also, the insult about Ryan Reynolds was said by Deadpool during an in-character interview!

#deadpool #deadpool imagine #deadpool headcanons #deadpool x reader #bingewatchingmylifegoby

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remy-strange-lebeau · 7 years ago

Text

Secret Heist Chapter 1

WARNING: MATURE LANGUAGE, CONTENT, AHEAD

Background: Remy and Anna LeBeau began planning a large-scale heist, including several magical item stashes.

One last member. That's all the Cajun needed for his heist. Anna was easy to convince, considering they were married. Wade took chimichangas and tacos down in Acapulco to join. For Logan, it was enough that Wade hadn't joined before then, plus a lot of whiskey. As for Dr. Stephen Strange, the Sorcerer Supreme, the knowledge of magical artifacts won him over. Standing outside an Irish pub, right in the heart of Dublin, Remy LeBeau could hear the man he wanted. Bullseye, one of the few men to have never missed their mark. The pub emanated Celtic Punk, the smell of dark beer and whiskey melded with fried fish and chips around the kitchen. Right inside, the atmosphere was apparent right away. A lot of wood detail could be seen, a rowdy sing-along going on. It reminded Remy a lot of home, back in New Orleans. The nights in the jazz clubs, blues bars, and pubs with his queen of hearts by his side. This was different though. This was business. Ordering a whiskey from the barkeep, the Cajun could feel the odd glances he was receiving, just from his accent. Looking around, he saw what he needed: a dart board. Walking over, he saw the man he needed, wearing a black leather trench coat.

“Ya mind if ah join ya for a game?” There was one sure thing that would catch his eye, and that was a demonstration of skill. “You don't look like much, lad, you sure you can keep up?” Bullseye’s response was cocky, his Irish heritage coming through. His build was just an inch shorter than the Ragin Cajun, but he was stockier. “Ah sure think ah can. An, if ah win, you gotta hear me out.” “Alright, yer on. And if I win, you buy me a round.” Lester handed the newcomer a set of darts, a smug grin on his face. Throwing a dart, the origin of the man's name was apparent. “Lemme see what ya got, lad.” “Well, ah wouldn't want ta show off, but,” the Cajun shrugged as he lobbed a dart at the board, hitting the bullseye,”ya asked fer it.” “How in the world?” Bullseye looked at Remy closer, noticing his red and black eyes, and that grin that was too charming for anyone's good. “You, you are Remy LeBeau, aren't you? I surrender this game, I'm buying you a couple rounds as we talk.” “Sounds good, mon brave, ah will grab a table.” Gambit watched the man as he grabbed a couple pints and a bottle of whiskey, sitting at the only empty table left. As soon as Bullseye was seated, Remy poured them each a glass of the liquor, attempting to establish some sort of common ground to work from. “Ah have an offer for ya, a job. Six person crew, equal cuts. Ah wanna hit dem hard, an get out right quick. Ah heard you was good wit weapons, and you have larceny in ya blood. Ah coul use a man like you.” “Wait, you're tellin me, that the most famous thief in the world, the King of Thieves at that, wants me, for a job? Tell me where to sign up. I would be honored, I am honored.” The newest member of Remy's little party was genuine in his statement, being able to work with a man of Gambit's caliber, being hand chosen by the man himself. Of course he would do it, especially since Remy doesn't hit small targets, his cut would be quite generous. “Glad ta hear, come to New Orleans, right in da French Quarter, you'll find a bar dat ah own. We all gon meet dere. One week.” Remy downed the whiskey, chasing it with a swig off his beer. He had a dream team now, the perfect balance of smarts, muscle, and weapons.

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“Sugah, you are lookin kinda nervous, come sit down.” Anna Marie, the woman who had stolen the heart of Remy LeBeau long ago, tried to comfort her husband, pouring him a glass of bourbon. “Remy, have a drink, you'll loosen up a bit.” The Cajun did just that. He sat down next to his Chere, and sipped on the drink she poured him. “Anna, what if Logan walks on out? He don't know ah got Wade in here.” He knew the history between the two, and yet he wanted them both anyway. They were both good at what they did, even if it was bad. “Someone say Wade?” The Merc bust through the doors, a bowling shirt over his suit. “Hey, you, yeah, the person reading this. I sure hope Logan doesn't try to kill me again, he didn't even give me a happy ending last time! The nerve.” “Wade, what you babblin bout over dere?” The King of Thieves inquired, knowing well about his constant interactions with the voices in his head. “What? Oh, I was talking to them, Remy ol pal. I was just telling-” Logan charged in, cutting Wade off. “Wade, the hell you doin here? LeBeau, you best have a damn good explanation for this.” The man may be short, but damn was he terrifying. Just his appearance was enough, let alone those adamantium claws in his hands. “Yes, it is nice to see you again, Logan. Tell me, how's the weather down there?” Wade mouthed off, just at the wrong time. Logan shish kabobed him, cutting him off from saying anything else. “Shut yer mouth, Wade, I like you best when you shut the hell up.” The Wolverine sheathed his claws, releasing Wade. Fuck he hated that mouth, but he wasn't going to sew it shut like that one terrible movie nobody talks about. “Fellas, come on, drinks on da house.” The Cajun handed them both a whiskey, that warm, charming grin playing on his lips. “Let's jus say ya both are pretty, an leave it at dat?” “Aww, thanks Remington, I knew you liked for-wait, were you hitting on me? Oh, you bad boy.” “Wade, I swear, I will slice your damn jaw off if you don't shut up.” “What's the magic word?” “Fuck you.” “Close enough, Wolvie. I'll keep my two cents to myself.” Turning slightly, Wade hid his mouth with his hand. “No I won't, I'll just give it to you guys. Yeah, you beautiful nerdy people reading this.” “Looks like we jus waitin for Stephen an Lester. How you been Logan? It's been awhile.” “Lester? Do you mean Bullseye? Remy, buddy, please tell me you didn't. Are you planning on there being bodies?” Wade acted with mock surprise, even covering his masked cheeks with his hands. “Yes, ah do mean him. An if I wasn't expectin bodies, ah wouldn't have brought you on, ah would've brought Murdock.” Logan lit his cigar, puffing on it as he drank his whiskey, pouring himself more to tolerate the old, musty avocado. “You know I'm with ya, Remy. Just tell us what the plan is.” “We gotta wait a bit, Logan. Not everybody is here.” Remy leaned back, holding a hand out to his darling wife. She came over, sitting on his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck. “Besides, we still gotta agree on what y'all are doin.” A portal opened up in the bar, and the Sorcerer Supreme entered, wearing his Defenders uniform. He had a smile on his face, looking at the four of them already gathered. “I do hope I'm not late, Remy. Something came up in the library.” “Ah, Stephen! Ya ain't late at all, mon brave, not one bit.” Giving a flourish of his hand, the mastermind signaled for the newcomer to sit down. A server brought out a tea kettle on a tray with a cup and sugar, specially made for the doctor. “Ah, thank you kindly. Are we waiting for anyone else?”

As if on cue, the final member of the team walked into the bar, dressed in a flattering black suit. Bullseye, the man who had gone toe to toe with Daredevil on so many occasions, had been given a new focus. “LeBeau, you didn't tell me Wade would be here. Not that I'm complainin, he's good.” “Lester, hey buddy. How's Fisk been treating you? Last I heard, you had died.” Wade reached for his boot pistol, trying to pass it off as if he had an itch. “Wade, it's been too long. We've been due for a drink or some coffee for a while, haven't we?” “I think we've been due for jack shit, you tried killing me! Without a happy ending!” “Oh Wade, that was business, nothing more.” Bullseye took a seat, graciously taking the pint of beer he was handed. He sipped it, savoring the flavor of it. “Mmmmmm, Guinness. LeBeau, you sure know how to treat an Irishman.” Clearing his throat, Remy got right down to business. While Rogue handed out folders holding the details, Gambit stood up, addressing his crew. “As ah am sure y'all know, dere is a collection of items in England, hosted by a nobleman. We gon take da whole thing. We get in, we get out, none of us get hurt. As far as da guards go, dey are expendable, so do as ya wish wit dem. Y'all's folders have da rest of what y'all need to know. Dere are also blueprints of the building we will be hitting. Study up, we gon meet back up tomorrow. Get on upstairs, grab a room, get some rest. Y'all gonna need it.” While the men all went upstairs, a bus boy came around, cleaning the glasses off the table. He came back, after taking the dishes to the kitchen, and wiped it down, a sad look on his face. Remy noticed it, and placed a comforting hand on the young man's shoulder. “Everythin alright, Bubba?” “Oh, uh, yessir!” Bubba replied rather quickly, before continuing. “Well, if ahm bein honest, ah sure am worried bout my mama, she ain't doin too well.” “Oh dear, we can't have that, not at all. Take dis, go take care your mother, take a few days off.” He handed the man a wad of cash, sending him on his way. Catching the look from his wife, Remy chuckled with a shrug. “What? His mama ain't been doin too good.” “Remy, what am ah gonna do wit you?” Anna placed her hands on her hips, a mock quizzical look plastered on her face. It was that wry smile that gave her away. “Well, ah think ya know what you gon do wit me, chere.” That playful grin was on Remy's face, she knew it all too well, yet not well enough.

#remy lebeau #anna marie #wade wilson #james howlett #dr strange #bullseye #marvel #fanfic #heist #crime

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